#every time someone sexualizes this boy i lose a year off my life

[gardenerian]

Is this how it is? Is this how it's always been?

[ch-4-eri]

LOVE POTIONS — Jill Valentine.

best friend’s mom! jill X female reader.

warnings: 18+ mdni!! age gap (don’t say i didn’t warn you) oral, dirty talk, hints at the reader being a virgin if you squint. i don’t know if i’m missing anything let me know.

word count: 1.4k

i’m so sick for this, i’ll go to hell on my own, don’t fuck your friend’s mothers guys. but do enjoy this.

you couldn’t explain it, even if you wanted, the whole thing was messy from the beginning.

it was supposed to be something innocent, completely harmless and has no threat to anyone in your life or yourself.

or your best friend.

if only you never met his mother, Jill Valentine, government agent, and a former RPD S.T.A.R.S member.

but god, you didn’t think it through.

didn’t think your attitude and the way you looked at the woman were entirely calculated, jill knew.

this woman has a love for details and reading you, every time you came over; what you’d say and what’d you do, what you’re wearing.

she’d show you she’s busy, working documents and important things for the BSAA, jill to you was just a best friend’s mother.

but you both had one hell of an unspoken sexual tension.

which you tried to hide, tried to shove in the back of your mind as your age gap is fucking nuts and you always worry someone would read your mind which isn’t even a realistic idea, but still, you were too anxious to act on it, even alone, self awareness preventing you from being able to stay in your head for long.

but jill on the other hand… when every time she analysed you, how you talk, how you act, your ass in your tiny skirts drives her fucking crazy enough she finds herself unable to sleep, her hand inside her shorts as she’s pumping herself up at the thought of you with her hand covering her mouth.

surely she felt ashamed, a woman her age acting and thinking like this, she felt so much guilt and shame for operating like a damn teenage boy riling with hormones over a girls ass in a skirt.

a girl her son’s age.

she knew if he ever found her out, he’d hate her forever and she can’t afford losing him, not after fighting for his custody for many years with her ex husband.

but that’s not what she had in mind that day, when she had you splayed down her bed so late at night, her fingers in your mouth as she ate you out like no tomorrow, your legs on her shoulders, your moans muffled by her thick fingers pressing down your tongue, drooling all over them.

“taste’s so good..” jill groaned against your clit, her mouth engulfing you, sending your back arching, she pulls away and sits up, making you ache at the loss of contact and the warmth you felt between your legs.

jill removed her fingers from your mouth, wiping your saliva off them down her bedsheets, going on her knees to meet your eyes as you were so lost in the feeling of pleasure you never got from anyone else other than this woman, a woman you shouldn’t even be doing this with.

but neither of you were even thinking of that right now.

jill had your chin in her palm as you opened your eyes, your breathing shaky and heavy, drool covering your chin as you smelled like sex and vanilla to the older woman’s nostrils.

“i want you to sit on my face, yeah? can you do that for me?” jill smirked, licking her lips with the tongue you want to be inside you again so badly.

you nodded eagerly, the thought of having her mouth against your pussy again was driving you mad with chills coursing through your body. “mhm.. yes please.” you begged, your eyes staring into hers pleadingly, like a lost puppy. fucked up enough.

jill patted your legs, lying down on the mattress of her huge bed, she wasn’t wearing anything other than her lacey bra and underwear, she was a fucking sight, you’d drool on her looks alone. even for a woman her age, she was damn delicious and you couldn’t get your eyes off her as you went on your knees and crawled to her.

she prepared the seat that was her face you were going to be sitting on for the next many minutes, hopefully hours if it were up to the older woman. moving her short brown hair away from her blue eyes you’d drown in.

as you made it closer to her, you were a bit nervous, a question rolling around your head you had to make sure of, you had to ask, as silly as it made you sound to a woman with so much experience.

“do i sit or hover?” you asked, your voice betraying you, your cheeks rosy and lips red and swollen.

jill chuckled, like she was making fun of you. “sit.” she demands. “i want you to suffocate me.” jill added, taking a hold of your thigh as she brought you closer with her strong grip.

“i want you to cum in my mouth.. am i clear, sweet girl?” she demanded as soon as you gasped, raising an eyebrow at your hesitation.

“y-yes..” you nodded like the puppy you are, you weren’t going to upset her, you hated to refuse jill.

and jill hated it when you refused her.

you finally scooted up to jill’s head, placing a knee next to her head, the other doing the same as you lowered your body so your wet pussy made contact with her nose, both of you let out a sigh while jill’s hands positioned you properly on her face, and as soon as you felt her tongue lick a long stripe up your sopping wet hole you let out a sickeningly pornographic moan, your hands grabbing at the headboard of her bed.

“ah.. jill..” you breathed, your thighs squeezing the older woman’s head, her tongue sucking and licking at your hole as she made it her sole purpose for you to cum in her mouth and if she keeps this up you’re gonna do it more than once, not that jill would complain.

her strong hands gripped your ass so tight, her tongue brutally slamming inside of you, as was her nose, sliding it up and down which drew pathetic moans out of you.

jill was humming, groaning into you, making your legs shake and your thighs closing in on her, and you were worried you were hurting her even though jill was having a fucking blast, she adored those damn thighs, if she suffocateds and dies like this it’ll all be worth it.

“please.. can’t take this anymore.” you cried out, making jill just suck at your clit like a starved woman, her body humming and shivering as she was desperate to get touched as well, rubbing her thighs together while her hands reached your hips in a bruising grip.

you were shuddering and whimpering, your legs so weak as you didn’t want to put your full weight on the woman’s face. “jill..” you moaned as she flicked her tongue against your sopping walls, your thighs filled with goosebumps.

“i’m..” you start, your lower belly so tight with a burning sensation that you were so close to your release, jill positioned you right into her mouth as she knew you were close, drinking you up as you finally gushed your orgasm down her mouth like she wanted.

“mmm..” jill mumbled, swallowing every last bit of what you can give her, you tasted like heaven, fucking delicious.

you were trying to catch your breath, your heart hammering against your rib cage as jill patted your thigh.

you weakly pulled your knee away from her head, your legs were shaking like crazy, your center so sensitive and puffy.

“i bet you can’t walk now, huh?” jill joked, sitting up on her elbows, her cheeks red from the heat of being between your thighs for as long as she just was, her nose and her lips shiny and sticky from your release and you were so sick for thinking she looked so darn good with your cum on her face.

you gulped, heat rushing into your cheeks at her words. “just a little sore.” you mumbled shyly, like you weren’t just seated on her face.

“a little sore hm? come here for me..” jill gestured for you to come closer to her. “you think you can just rest without returning the favour?”

jill smirked and brushed your hair away from your face, brushing two fingers against your hardened nipples.

“i know you can’t handle me sitting on your face… i’m afraid i’d break you entirely… but you have fingers don’t you?”

she says in a suggestive tone, grabbing your nipple into her mouth, your eyes closing at the sensation, your hands going into her hair as a moan escaped you.

jill took your hand and brought it near her panties.

then she pulled away with a pop, her blue eyes staring into yours so intensely. “now be a good girl and touch me.”

oh boy you’re screwed.

[corruptedcaps]

Love of a good man

Jenny and Brad had been dating for nearly a year. While they had yet to be sexually intimate with one another they loved each other deeply. Brad had asked a few times but each time she shot him down saying she wasn’t ready. However she was ready and had been for sometime. Brad was handsome, athletic and everything she wanted in a man but she held a dark secret.

“Ok this is all gonna sound a little crazy but there has been a reason we haven’t had sex all this time and first off I just want to say that I am ready.” She said to him one night. He looked at her slightly worried but excited that they were finally going to make love.

“Ok here goes. A few years ago I was cursed by a witch. This curse gave life to a part of me that was... bad. You see every time I would have sex with someone I would change. A new me would come out and take over until the next time I had sex. This dark reflection of me ruined my life and every relationship I had. She is an evil, scheming, spoilt slut of a woman who lives to cause misery. She calls herself Natasha.” Jenny said looking sadly out the window.

“Natasha? As in your sister Natasha?” Brad asked dumbfounded. Jenny turned to look at him.

“I told you my sister lived to torture me. Well the truth is I have no sister. I am an only child but she does live to torture me. She transforms my good body into one devoted to pleasure. She is a big breasted vain conceited bitch and I wish I wasn’t stuck with her. The worst part is I don’t know what she does when she takes over! The last time she took over I was gone for months!” Jenny said on the verge of tears. Brad held her face in his strong hands.

“If she only comes out when you have sex then why do you want to have sex now?” He asked.

“Because there is a way to break the curse so that I can be free of her forever. If I have sex with my true love then it with eradicate the bad part of me. After a year together I know we are meant to be, that you are my true love.” Jenny said tears running down her face now. Brad pulled her tight into a hug. He held her and she felt safe. She pulled off his shirt and began kissing his perfect chest. She had wanted this for so long. She had to be certain otherwise she would lose another man to that bitch.

They stripped the clothes off each other like wild animals. They were both starved of each other but now they would finally feast. Jenny for the first time saw what Brad had packing and she was not disappointed.

His big cock slipped easily into her wet pussy and she nearly orgasmed right then and there. It felt incredible to be having sex again after so long and with one she loved so much.

“Oh Brad this feels so good, I knew you were my true love!” She groaned as she rode his cock. However his demeanour seemed to change, his thrusts becoming more aggressive.

“Oh shut up you fucking loser, thank god I won’t have to deal with you much longer.” He said coldly. Jenny’s eyes went wide.

“W-what are you saying? Wait! No! I can feel something. I need to stop…. Ooohhhh fuck but why fight it?” She moaned, her voice turning into a slutty purr for a moment. Brad grinned.

“Come out Natasha, it’s time to take over just like we planned.” He said pumping faster.

“Like you planned? Brad how could you do this? How could you be sooooo mmmm evil. Bad boys really turn me on! No! That’s Natasha, that’s not me!” Jenny groaned trying to fight it, trying to urge her body to get off Brad’s dick but it all felt too good. Then the changes began.

Her tits strained against her B size bra as they grew massive. Her chubby belly tightened and crunched in giving her a perfectly toned tummy.

“Mmmm much better, being a hawt sexy bitch is much better than being some nobody loser. No! This isn’t right, this is my body! Oh please dear YOU wish this could be your body!” She said fighting with the emerging Natasha as the changes continued.

Her bony behind grew extra layers of fat to give her a bubble butt which Brad appreciated as she slowly bounced up and down on him. Her short sensible hair grew down her back, becoming thick and full.

“Oh Brad my love I can feel her almost gone, then we can be together forever! That’s right Jenny, the true love curse works both ways, it’s just Brad happens to be mine and not yours.” Natasha said with a cackle as she felt Jenny slip away more with each second.

Long fake nails snapped onto her hands that she joyously ran down Brad’s chest. Her lips inflated into a bitchy pout and makeup covered her face finishing her transformation. However Jenny wasn’t gone yet, Natasha had to do one more thing to get rid of her.

“Oh fuck baby make me cum! I need to cum NOW! Ohhhhh fuuuuckkkkk yesssss!” She screamed at the top of her lungs as she orgasmed hard solidifying her dominance over Jenny’s body.

Collapsing onto the bed in orgasmic joy, Natasha could feel no part of Jenny still lingering.

“Was it good for you?” Brad said slyly.

“Life changing.” She replied with an evil giggle.

[whirlybirbs]

Fuck now I need to know what all the kids think about their favorite teachers and whether or not they ship them

oh, it's sickening.

i've mentioned before midorya being the biggest derecho/all might stan, but:

derecho retires from hero work after all might's injury — and quickly is recruited to teach the hero course at UA. she admittedly loves her job. she's that one teacher who everyone loves.

she's the staff lead in, like, six clubs at UA because kids kept asking her to be their faculty supervisor. she's always asked to be a chaperone prom. she's the one teacher they know won't say no to making stupid cameos in the festivals. one year, she hosted "mr. yuei" and "ms. yuei" back-to-back. she's active in the teaching union. essentially, derecho throws herself into teaching.

and mr. yagi is mr. yagi — he's fucking all might.

everyone knows the two of them worked alongside one another for years before both teaching at UA High, but there's something up.

something is definitely up.

they're always spotted walking to class together in the morning, he always appears in her class after the first bell with a cup of coffee for her. the two are frequently spotted chatting in the halls — and students pick up quick on the way they almost always have matching bento boxes for lunch... like someone is making two and bringing it to work. (it's toshi)

at first, everyone is too formal and too stuck on "omg it's all might" to ask him any probing questions. but, you know for fucking sure that derecho's class is up her ass about mr. all might. it's a lot of dreamy sighs from the girls when he arrives with a smile and a coffee in the morning, and a lot of skeptical staring from the boys.

aizawa figures it out quick.

midorya feels like he could explode every time anyone brings it up at lunch. (toshinori lets it slip to his pupil on complete accident; his phone goes off and derecho's contact name is, like, "LOVE OF MY LIFE!!! <33333" or some shit)

it is a huge lunch topic, especially when it's a no-bento day and the two chat happily in line with trays in hand. mr. yagi's hand on the small of her back. rushing to hold doors open for her. almost everyone at UA wishes they would just kiss already — they just don't know how much they're already kissing behind closed doors.

it's, like, the most sexually frustrating thing especially for bakugo who has been a derecho and all might shipper since he was, like, ten.

it slowly turns into a joke... like, little digs here and there that derecho starts making that could be taken as more if you squint. it gets harder to avoid the looks when the two of them are late one day — both bursting through the doors at the same time, looking half put together and definitely in yesterday's clothes.

(someone's alarm never went off.)

then, kamino happens. and everyone loses their fucking shit.

group chats blowing up with "YOUR HOME ROOM TEACHER JUST KISSED MY HOME ROOM TEACHER ON LIVE TELEVISION" and key smashes and it only makes bakugo's shame worse, because he feels as though their relationship is now out in the open because of him.

weeeeeeeeeeeee, i love them.

— a reference to this fic here ;

[fortheloveofwonderland]

The Magic 8 | Ralvez x Fem! Reader

This was another request for my milestone celebration from @andiebeaword which just turned into a crazy, smutty beast. This is so loosely tied to the song and I’m sorry. I had to throw weird magic 8 ball references into it that might seem out of place but it made me feel better for going so far off track with this. This is super NSFW Minors DNI.

Summary - Spencer and Luke’s relationship is on rocky ground as Spencer starts to regret never getting to be with a woman. When Luke suggests inviting Spencer’s favourite barista to join them in the bedroom, all signs point to yes.

CW - this is just utter filth, proceed with caution. Oof where to begin - talk of sexuality, Spencer has never been with a woman, sexually fluid Luke, PWP, very brief mention of drinking and past drug addiction, making out, sub! Reader, Dom! Luke, switch! Spencer (Dom with reader, sub with Luke), handjobs, swearing, slight masturbation (male), oral sex (f and m receiving), face sitting, multiple orgasms, fingering, overstimulation, coming untouched, penetrative, protected sex.

WC - 6.7k

Uncertainties were a tragic and unfair symptom of living, something Spencer Reid had learnt all too many times in his years on earth. Life was inherently unforeseeable, unpredictable by nature. 

For someone who hated the unknown like Spencer, it was a hard pill to swallow but one he’d had to swallow time and time again. Life was no less random than the answers on a magic 8 ball, and he’d had to come to terms with that. 

If there was one thing Spencer had always been able to be certain of it was his sexuality. For as long as he could remember he’d always known he was gay and it was a small definitive in his world that he’d been able to count on for many years. 

He’d never looked at girls the way other boys his age had, Spencer had been too busy looking at the boys themselves. He didn’t really understand what that meant until he reached his teens and for a long time it was a part of himself he tried to deny. 

He was already an outcast with being younger and smarter than all of his peers and he didn’t want to add any fuel to the bullies fire. He kept it to himself, his own little secret. 

It was only once he was in his twenties he became ready to act upon it and once he did he never looked back. 

In an uncertain world, his sexuality was the only thing he was certain of. 

Until he wasn’t. 

When Spencer first met Luke Alvez he thought all his birthdays and Christmases had come at once. Spencer had fallen head over heels for him and much to his surprise, Luke had felt the same. 

He’d never been happier than he was with Luke, but then he met you and you changed everything. 

Spencer had never found himself looking at a woman the way he looked at you. There was something so magnetic about you that he gravitated towards you without even meaning to do so. 

You were the new barista at his favourite coffee shop and you were effervescent, ethereal in your beauty. Spencer found himself often getting tongue tied around you, tripping over his words and sometimes even his own feet. 

And without intentionally doing so, he pulled away from Luke. It was little by little at first until there seemed to be a chasm between them. 

Was his happiness simply a trend for Spencer? Tomorrow now seemed misunderstood, because it was reading outlook not so good. If only the signs would point to “yes” and you could maybe feel the same for him. 

But that wasn’t what he wanted right? He loved Luke, he was just going through a phase. It was nothing more than a harmless crush. 

Wasn’t it? 

Wasn’t it? 

Luke had noticed the way Spencer was acting but he didn’t understand what was happening other than the fact his boyfriend of three years was shutting him out. Every time he tried to talk to the younger man about it he changed the subject. And every time he tried to initiate contact, Spencer shied away. 

Eventually he’d had enough and he had to confront Spencer or risk losing him for good. It had taken some pursuing from Luke and a lot of resistance from Spencer but Luke managed to get to the bottom of his boyfriend's little crush. 

And thus had ensued a long and arduous conversation. 

Luke was, to Spencer’s surprise, extremely understanding. He understood Spencer’s curiosity even if Spencer didn’t. 

Luke had always been a lot more fluid with his sexuality, he’d been with both women and men in the past whereas Spencer had never been with a woman before. 

It confused Spencer and Luke also understood that. Spencer had been so sure about this one aspect of his life from a young age and it didn’t make sense to him how, in his forties, he was now questioning that. 

Luke didn’t begrudge Spencer’s interest and tried to tell the younger man it was perfectly understandable that one day he might find himself curious about these things he’d never experienced before. 

And somehow the conversation had culminated in Luke suggesting a threesome.

Spencer initially vehemently shut that idea down. He wasn’t exactly thrilled at the idea of sharing his boyfriend and the thought of being with a woman quite frankly terrified him. 

But the more Luke talked about it, the more Spencer started to open up to it. Although it was terrifying it was also incredibly exciting. And it would only be one night, one night in which he could explore a side of himself he never had before and then everything could go back to normal. 

So he found himself waiting at the coffee shop one day until your shift ended, closing his eyes and ready to take a leap of faith. 

He was prepared for you to say no, to probably call him a creep and he would subsequently need to find a new coffee shop. 

But after explaining everything to you, and showing you pictures of Luke, you’d been surprisingly interested. 

And that was how he’d found himself in a hotel room with his boyfriend and his barista, staring dumbly from across the room and ringing his hands together in his lap. 

There’d been some casual conversation, a drink in the bar to loosen them up, at least for the two of you who didn’t have a past with addiction. But soon enough Luke was suggesting they head upstairs and Spencer’s heart had been beating erratically ever since. 

He sat in the chair in the corner of the room while Luke, who had always been the more confident of the two, wasted no time in moving in on you. 

He held your face in his hands as he kissed you ferociously, bodies flush against each other and small gratified moans leaving both of your lips. 

The first thing Spencer felt was jealousy and not because you were kissing his boyfriend. He was jealous because since the moment he’d laid eyes on you he’d wanted to do what Luke was doing now. 

Your hands wandered Luke’s back while he kissed you, and Spencer felt like a spare part. For a moment or two he felt as though you’d both simply forgotten him and that he was in for a night of watching you and Luke together. 

But then Luke pulled back from your lips and stepped out of your grasp, turning and looking over at the shy man cowering in the corner.

“Spence, you just gonna watch all night?” Luke chuckled, heading over to him and pulling the younger man to his feet. “You’re the reason we’re doing this, cariño.” 

Spencer felt his stomach coiling into knots as Luke led him closer to you. You were smiling sweetly at him, your lips already slightly puffy from Luke’s kiss. 

When Luke let go of him you quickly stepped closer to him, placing your hands on his shoulders. 

“You've never even kissed a woman?” You tilted your head to the side as you looked at him. 

“N-no.” He stuttered with a shake of his head. 

“You do want this right, Spencer? You seem…uncomfortable.” You regarded him curiously. 

“I’m always uncomfortable, that’s normal. I, uh, I really want this. I’m just incredibly nervous.” He kept his hands at his side, acutely aware of Luke watching him. 

“That’s ok, we can go slow.” You moved closer to him, your breasts pushing up against his chest and he hissed slightly. “You can touch me, Spencer.” 

“Oh.” He nodded. “Oh, ok.” 

His hands trembled a little as he raised his arms and placed them cautiously on your hips. You offered him an encouraging smile as you inched your face slowly closer to his, giving him a chance to change his mind if he wanted to. 

But he didn’t want to. 

Your lips gently brushed against his own and that tiny action was all he needed and suddenly it was like a light had switched on. One his hands flew to the back of your head, holding you in place as he somewhat roughly slammed his lips against yours. 

You moaned at the sudden forcefulness and Spencer was quick to slide his tongue in your mouth. He gripped the back of your hair and kissed you so deeply the air vanished from your lungs. 

Luke’s eyes widened at the quick change in his boyfriend who was kissing you more frantically than Luke had ever seen. 

And when Spencer used his grip on your hair to lead you back to the bed and push you down to the mattress, Luke felt himself growing hard in an instant. 

He shoved you back to the bed and he remained standing, looking down at you with dark eyes. His previous nerves had disappeared, it was like looking at a completely different person. 

Truthfully the moment he tasted your lips everything seemed to click into place for him. He needed this more than he’d ever realised and now he had the chance he didn’t plan on squandering it. 

Spencer had spent his whole life as a submissive in every aspect of his life. But one kiss from you brought out his dominant side and he adored the way it made him feel. 

He glanced at Luke and the visible tenting in his jeans. Looking into the older man’s eyes, his dominance slipped for a moment and he rolled his bottom lip between his teeth. 

“Is this…is this ok?” He swallowed. 

“Spencer, it is more than ok. I want you to enjoy this, this is your night.” Luke encouraged him. 

Spencer nodded and turned back to you and your ragdoll form on the mattress. His lip twitched up into a slightly dangerous smirk. 

“Get undressed.” He commanded, his voice so stern you knew not to argue it. 

You were eager to do as you were told, scrabbling to get out of your clothes while the two men stood side by side watching as your articles of clothing got fewer and fewer. 

Once your bra was removed, Spencer’s jaw fell slack as he stared at your chest, the first pair of breasts he’d ever seen in real life. 

You puffed out your chest proudly and worked on getting off your jeans. Spencer couldn’t take his eyes off of you, off of every dip and curve in your body. 

If the tightening in his pants was any indication, he wasn’t nearly as gay as he’d always thought he was. 

He was so busy staring at you as you shimmied off your jeans, leaving you in nothing but a silk thong, he didn’t notice Luke moving behind him until he felt the older man’s strong arms wrap around his waist. 

Luke’s lips glided over the shell of his ear and one of his hands palmed Spencer through his slacks.

“Enjoying this, Spence?” Luke whispered as he nibbled on Spencer’s ear lobe.

“Very much so.” Spencer nodded dumbly. 

“He told you to get undressed, sweetheart.” Luke spoke to you while he worked on the buttons of Spencer’s slacks, grinding against him from behind. “Panties off.” 

As if being told what to do by one man wasn’t already hot, having them both command you made your head spin. 

You quickly did as you were told and lowered your underwear down your legs as Luke’s hand was slipping inside of Spencer’s pants and freeing his erect cock. 

Spencer made an animalistic hissing sound at the sight of you fully nude. That combined with Luke’s hand which was now languidly stroking him made his knees buckle. 

“What do you want to do to her, baby?” Luke nuzzled against his ear. 

Spencer moaned lightly at the mere thought. His options were wide open, he could do anything he wanted to you but where did he begin? 

Where was the magic 8 ball when he needed it? 

You watched him curiously, standing by the side of the bed in all your glory while Luke worked Spencer’s cock in his hand. 

His pumps were lazy and slow, not intending to bring his boyfriend to orgasm but more just to tide him over. 

“Fuck,” Spencer mumbled as all the sordid thoughts spun around his head. “I wanna…fuck…I think I want to eat her out.” 

You whined and pressed your thighs together at the thought. You knew the situation, you knew Spencer had never been with a woman before but you had no doubt he would be good at whatever he had planned. 

Luke bucked himself against Spencer’s ass and tightened his hold on the other man’s shaft. 

“Jesus I’d really like to see that.” Luke moaned, breath hitting the side of Spencer’s face. “I’ve got an idea.” 

Luke let go of Spencer’s dick and stepped around him until he was face to face with his partner, his back to you. Spencer whined a little now Luke was blocking his view of you but Luke was smiling. 

He brought his hands to the top button of Spencer’s shirt and started popping them open. Spencer didn’t question it and simply let Luke free him from his shirt. 

Once it was undone, Luke tossed the garment on the floor before helping Spencer out of his pants and boxers with zero protest from Spencer. 

With Spencer now naked too, his hard member standing to attention against his stomach, Luke led him towards the bed by the wrist. 

Spencer didn’t complain when Luke laid him down on the bed, head resting against the pillows. He was a little confused but he trusted Luke. 

Having Spencer in position, Luke turned to you with an almost wicked smile. He curled his finger, motioning you towards him and you happily complied. 

Luke quickly slammed his lips against yours again and his hands started wandering down your body while his tongue explored your mouth. 

Soon enough his large hand was between your thighs, spreading them a little before his middle and index finger suddenly swiped through through folds, causing you to yelp. 

“Fuck,” he mumbled into your mouth. “Spence, she’s so wet already. You’re gonna love this.” 

Spencer whined, his hand wandering of its own volition, finding his shaft and firmly squeezing the base. 

Luke collected your arousal on his fingers before brushing over your clit a few times but all too soon he was withdrawing his fingers entirely. 

His pupils were blown out wide as he pulled back from you, a smirk adorned on his lips.

“You want him to eat your pussy, angel?” He tucked your hair behind your ear. 

You mewled in response, but Luke was looking at you, demanding a verbal answer.

“Yes, yes! Fuck, please?” You whimpered. 

Luke nodded in satisfaction, turning your body by the shoulders to face Spencer who was still holding his cock in his hand. 

“Sit on his face.” Luke commanded, tone so stern that even if that didn’t sound incredibly hot you would have done it anyway. 

Spencer’s eyes widened as you crawled on the bed, his nerves returning in an instant. 

“What if I’m not…what if I’m not any good?” His cheeks burned with embarrassment but he directed his question at Luke and not you. 

“Baby, you’ll be just fine. You’re a genius after all, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” Luke winked at him and it provided Spencer with encouragement. 

You kneeled over his chest, a little hesitant to go any further. But then suddenly Spencer was grabbing you by the hips and pulling you closer. 

He met no resistance from you and was able to pull you like a rag doll until you were hovering over his face. He exhaled a shaky breath and you felt it between your legs. 

“It’s ok cariño, you can do it.” Luke gave Spencer’s leg a reassuring squeeze. 

Spencer growled as he inhaled your scent and suddenly like a man possessed, he tugged you down so you were sitting on his face and his tongue brushed over your most sensitive area.

You whined loudly at the contact and Spencer’s arm came to rest heavily across your thighs to keep you in place. His tongue glided through you, gathering your arousal and hissing at the taste of you. 

When his tongue settled back on your clit and he started lapping and sucking on your bud you couldn’t help but wiggle on his face, feeling the glorious friction from his stubble between your legs. 

He didn’t go easy on you, he wasn’t tentative like a man who had never done this before. He was immediately eating you out with the desperation of a man devouring his final meal. 

His arm was heavy against your thighs, keeping you steadily in place. You leant your palms on the headboard of the bed to keep you upright.

Luke was moaning to himself as he listened to the glorious and slightly messy sounds Spencer was making between your legs. 

He watched the way his boyfriends eyes fluttered closed and he buried his face into you while his tongue worked your clit. 

Your body was already trembling above him, and the moans leaving your parted lips were the sweetest song Luke had ever heard. 

He undressed himself, his eyes never leaving Spencer for a second. As soon as he was naked like the two of you he climbed onto the bed. 

You barely registered the weight of the bed shift beneath you, too focused on Spencer’s work with his mouth. It seemed impossible that he hadn’t done this before because he knew exactly what he was doing. 

He flattened his tongue and ran it through your folds to collect more of your arousal before he settled back on his ministrations on your clit. 

He held you down with force, you wouldn’t be surprised if he left a bruise across your thighs with the pressure he was exerting. 

Spencer didn’t care. He was obsessed with the way you tasted and couldn’t believe he’d gotten to this age and never tried this. 

He could feel you soaking his face, as his nose buried against you while his tongue continued to lap and suck greedily at you. 

His cock was throbbing painfully, in desperate need of stimulation. He wouldn’t be at all surprised if he came untouched simply from the taste of you. 

He was certain this would not be his last time doing this. 

You suddenly felt a warm, hard body encompassing you from behind at the same time Spencer felt a pressure on his chest. 

Luke knelt either side of Spencer’s torso and pressed himself against your back. 

“Jesus Christ you have no idea how hot this is.” He panted against your ear. “How does she taste, Spence?”

“Hmm.” The younger man simply hummed against you, sending a vibration through your entire body. 

Your eyes were rolling back in your head at Spencer’s deft tongue but that wasn’t even the half of it. 

You felt something ghosting between your legs from behind and then suddenly two thick digits were plunging inside of you. 

“Holy shit.” You mumbled incoherently as your head fell to your chest. 

Luke smirked as he placed a kiss against your neck and started working his fingers inside of you. 

“Fuck, Spence she’s tight. Your gonna want to fuck her.” 

Spencer hummed against your clit again and tightened his hold on your thighs. He nuzzled his face entirely between your legs, desperate to taste more of you but the idea of being inside you made his cock pulse achingly. 

Luke thrust his fingers deeply inside of you, feeling you fluttering and clenching around him. The moans and whimpers leaving your lips were feral and he could tell you wouldn’t last much longer. 

“Are you close, pretty girl?” He mumbled against your neck. 

“Mmm hmm.” You pathetically replied. 

Luke grinded his hips against your back whilst his fingers moved in and out of you rapidly, pounding into you with bruising force. 

Spencer never let up even for a second and the sounds of his tongue between your legs filled the room alongside three sets of moans. 

Your body startled to tremble furiously and you felt your orgasm pooling in the pit of your stomach. Suddenly your back went rigid and your eyes shot open as you reached your peak. 

“F-fuck!” You screamed so loud the walls shook, clenching around Luke’s fingers as Spencer swallowed every drop of your orgasm. 

Soon you were going limp again and Luke held you upright with his body as he slowly slipped his fingers out from between your legs. 

But Spencer didn’t seem perturbed. 

His arm on your thigh tightened even more so and he continued circling your sweet spot with his tongue. 

Luke wrapped his arms around you to steady you, your body shaking. 

“S-Spencer,” you whined. “S’too much!” 

But Spencer still didn’t stop. 

His tongue traversed through your legs and back again to your clit where he pressed the flat of the muscle against you.

You whimpered, quaking on top of him and trying to squeeze your thighs together but his head was in the way. It seemed to spur him on and his tongue moved faster. 

“Spencer?” Luke tried to get his attention but Spencer didn’t listen. 

His own orgasm was building and he was so close he couldn’t stop now. 

He kept up his work, seemingly not noticing your whines or the tears rolling down your cheeks from the overstimulation. You felt him moan between your legs and then out of nowhere his body started to convulse beneath you. 

His grip on you loosened and you fell back into Luke’s waiting arms. Spencer was panting and moaning furiously. 

Luke helped you to lay down next to Spencer but he couldn’t take his eyes off of his boyfriend and the slickness coating his mouth and chin. 

When his eyes cast further down the younger man’s body he noticed his slowly softening cock and his come all over his stomach. 

Luke couldn’t help but smile at the idea of Spencer coming simply from pleasuring you. 

Luke laid down between you, two worn out and lifeless bodies either side of him. But he wasn’t done with either of you, he hadn’t gotten off yet. 

He gripped Spencer by the jaw and turned his head to face him before smashing his lips against his boyfriends. 

The taste of you on Spencer’s lips was phenomenal and he made a gut wrenching moan erupt from Luke’s lungs. 

“You liked that huh?” Luke smirked into the kiss. “I guess you must have done if you can come just from eating pussy.” 

Spencer simply mewled, his body shuddering at the thought and Luke chuckled as he slowly manoeuvred himself down the bed. 

He bowed his head to Spencer’s stomach and started lapping his tongue over his flesh, cleaning his boyfriend of his arousal. 

Spencer whined a little at the sensation, wriggling on the bed but allowing Luke to clean him up. 

“Come on guys, what about me?” Luke sat back on his haunches and looked at the two of you, already complete wrecks. 

He chuckled with a roll of his eyes and got up from the bed, tugging Spencer by the wrist until he was sitting up. 

“Since you have such an oral fixation, it’s my turn, cariño.” Luke nodded to his hard cock which was begging to be touched. 

Spencer whimpered again but nodded all the same and forced himself onto his knees in front of Luke. 

He would get a second wind, no doubt. One of his favourite things in the world was giving his boyfriend head and he would never turn down the opportunity, 

He placed his hands on Luke’s hips as he bowed his head closer to his length, blowing cool air over the tip and making Luke groan. 

Soon he was parting his lips and wrapping them around Luke, quickly taking the older man all the way in his mouth until he hit the back of his throat. 

But Spencer didn’t even seem to notice. He had the most impressive gag reflex that even when Luke got carried away and fucked Spencer’s mouth, Spencer never batted an eyelid. 

The sloppy sounds of saliva and Luke’s moans caught your attention and you rolled onto your side to see Spencer now taking the other man’s length like it was his job. 

You’d given plenty of blowjobs in your life but you’d never gotten the chance to witness one in real life. 

It was a dizzying sight, the way Luke’s entire cock disappeared inside of Spencer’s mouth, the same mouth that had been pleasuring you just moments before. 

The way Spencer’s tongue glided up the vein on Luke’s shaft and then danced teasingly over his swollen head was intoxicating. The way Luke’s abs tightened each time Spencer took him all the way to the back of his throat was glorious. 

Luke’s eyes snapped up from where they’d been watching Spencer and onto you, that dangerous smirk on his lips again.

“Come and give him a hand, angel.” He winked at you and his tone told you exactly what he meant. 

You still felt weak as you clambered to the edge of the bed, your skin so sensitive. You dropped down to the floor kneeling behind Spencer and wrapped your arms around his waist. 

He was already half hard again as you wrapped your hand around his shaft and a muffled scream left his lips at the sudden contact. You felt his body jerk forward at your touch, thrusting his face into Luke’s pubic hair. 

Luke chuckled and moved his hand to the back of Spencer’s head, balling up his locks and using his grip to control the pace. 

Spencer was standing at full attention in no time at all as you stroked him and you felt yourself getting turned on again too. 

Luke stared down at the two of you on the floor as he bucked back and forth in Spencer’s mouth. Luke had always been the more dominant of the two men and having both of you on your knees, so subservient to him was the most incredible feeling in the world. 

He wanted to freeze time, to capture this delicious image in his mind. He wanted this to last forever.

But he also wanted more. 

He knew this was supposed to be for Spencer’s benefit but it had been a long time since he’d had the opportunity to be with a woman and Luke didn’t want to let it pass him by. 

He already felt his precum leaking down Spencer’s throat but that wasn’t how he wanted to come. 

Suddenly he let go of Spencer’s hair and stepped back from the younger man’s mouth. If there was ever a sight to reduce a grown man to a fucking puddle it was the one Luke was witnessing now.

A trail of salvia joined the head of his cock to Spencer’s chin, dripping down from his pouty lips. His eyes were large and doe like, staring up at Luke like he hung the moon, messy hair falling in his face. 

And you were behind him, chest pushed up against his back while you continued to stroke his cock. 

The love he felt for this man was incomprehensible, the kind that defied all laws of nature. 

But he would put a pin in that, he had more pressing matters to attend to. 

“Both of you up.” He commanded and you both scurried to your feet without question. 

Luke’s hungry eyes took you all in, focusing on you while Spencer stood dumbly at your side. 

“On the bed, spread your legs.” He told you sternly and yet again you were quick to comply. 

Luke located the condoms, ripped one open and rolled it over his length. It was a little odd at first, he hadn’t used condoms since he and Spencer first started dating but at least it might mean he could last a little longer. 

Although given how turned on he was, even a condom might not help. 

Spencer looked at him a little sadly, a pathetic whine leaving his lips. 

“What about me? I thought I was going to fuck her?” 

“And you will, baby,” Luke cooed, brushing his fingers along Spencer’s jaw. “But it’s my turn first, you already got to come. It’s only fair that I do too.” 

“O-ok.” Spencer nodded. “W-what do I do?” 

“You get to watch, cariño.” Luke shot him a wink before climbing onto the bed where you laid out in front of him. 

He regarded you curiously for a moment or two before he pulled you up by your biceps. 

“I want you to ride me, angel. Can you do that for me?” He whispered so lovingly and you nodded which seemed to please him. 

He let go of your arms and positioned himself so he was sitting up against the headboard. You climbed into his lap, a knee either side of his hips and hovered over his length. 

Luke glanced at Spencer who was still standing dumbly at the side of the bed like a spare part. He patted the mattress next to him. 

“Come here,” he nodded his head, motioning Spencer over. 

Spencer did as he was told yet again and came and sat next to Luke just as you started lowering yourself onto him.

From this angle Spencer had the most incredible view of Luke’s cock as it disappeared inch by inch inside your cunt. 

You and Luke moaned simultaneously as he pushed inside of you. He was thick and heavy but maybe not as long as Spencer but he stretched you out as he entered you. 

“Fucking Christ,” Luke moaned as he bottomed out inside you. “I forgot how good that feels.” 

It was different than having Spencer around him. Not better, not worse; just different. He wouldn’t trade sex with Spencer for anything in the world but you felt so spectacular that for a brief moment or two he forgot about Spencer’s existence. 

It was only when the younger man let out a guttural moan that Luke remembered him sitting next to him. As you started bouncing up and down on his cock, he gave Spencer a sideways glance. 

“Touch yourself for me.” He whispered to his boyfriend. 

Spencer’s hand immediately found his own member and he started stroking himself languidly. 

Your eyes flit between where Luke was repeatedly slamming inside of you and to where Spencer was jerking himself slowly. 

Luke grabbed your hips and used his grip to help move you up and down. His own hips were bucking to meet you, his orgasm dangerously close after the night's previous events. 

His head was a complete mess, he wasn’t sure he’d ever been so turned on in his entire life. He didn’t want this moment to end so soon but he knew his release was imminent. 

“Fucking hell I’m sorry, I’m so close.” Luke whined, his thrusts becoming more frantic. 

You tried to meet his pace and each time he pounded inside of you his blunt head slammed right against your bundle of nerves. 

“S-Spence,” he panted, eyes hooded and full of lust. “Get a c-condom. You can f-finish her off.” 

Spencer squeezed the base of his cock at the thought, a cacophony of nerves and excitement bubbling in his chest. 

He reached over to the side table and retrieved a condom, his hand shaking a little as he tried to tear the foil package. 

Of course he’d helped men with them before but he’d never had the need to wear one himself. Rolling the rubber over his length was a new and strange experience but that would only be the half of it. 

It started to dawn on him that in just a few moments he would be buried inside of you, an encounter he never expected to be having. 

But he couldn’t fucking wait. 

Luke’s face contorted and his fingers dug into your hips as he bucked one last time and came with a strangled moan, spilling his seed inside of the condom. 

Spencer watched on in eager anticipation as Luke continued to lazily thrust in and out of you, growing slightly impatient. 

“My turn?” He whimpered pathetically. “Please?” 

Luke glanced over at him again, eyes barely open and a sheen of sweat on his forehead. He reached a lazy hand out to stroke Spencer’s cheek. 

“Of course baby.” He whispered, helping you off of him and hearing you whine as he slid out of you. 

You looked at Spencer while rolling your bottom lip between your teeth, unsure of what you were meant to do. 

“Where do you…how do you…?” You asked softly. 

Spencer’s eyes widened at the question, and he quickly became overwhelmed. Luke could tell by the slight panic in his boyfriend's eyes that his mind was over saturating, over-thinking this moment like he did every other moment.

“Take a breath, Spence.” Luke mumbled. “Close your eyes, I know you’ve pictured this moment. Close your eyes and imagine it.” 

Spencer once again did as he was told he closed his eyes. Luke was right, he had pictured this, a huge amount as of late. 

With Luke, Spencer gave over all his control, letting Luke have the dominance. He’d never minded, always happy in his role as the submissive but right now he craved that power. 

He wanted a position in which he could have full authority over you, in which he would hold all the cards. 

He opened his eyes suddenly and surprised you both when he stood up. He curled his finger for you to do the same which you did in an instant. 

As soon as you were on your feet he grabbed you somewhat roughly by the wrist and led you to the corner of the room where the armchair sat. 

He brought you to the back of it, turning you around so you were bent over it, your back to him. He shoved the back of your head down and parted your legs with his other hand. 

“Just like this,” his voice was breathy. “Fucking perfect.” 

Two fingers ran between your folds and you hummed against the fabric of the chair. But they soon disappeared so he could wrap his hand around his cock and guide it to where he needed it to be. 

He lined himself up and looked over at Luke who hadn’t moved. Spencer’s eyes were questioning, unsure as he looked at his partner. 

“If you don’t want to do this, Spence, no one is going to force you.” Luke spoke quietly, reassuringly. 

“I very much want to, trust me.” Spencer replied. 

“Then what are you waiting for, cariño?” Luke smirked and it was all the impetus Spencer needed. 

He took a shaky breath before he cautiously pushed his head past your threshold. His eyes instantly doubled in size and Luke noticed his entire body stiffening. 

Spencer was still looking at Luke as his mouth fell open and he dared to push another inch inside of you. 

You moaned as he did so, feeling that familiar stretch you’d experienced with Luke. Neither man was small, you would undoubtedly be sore tomorrow. 

“Keep going, baby.” Luke encouraged with a smile. 

Spencer swallowed thickly, his Adam’s apple bobbing deliciously as he did so. Inch by inch, excruciatingly slowly he vanished inside of you, hands holding you steady by your hips. 

Once he was fully sheathed inside of you his whole body stilled as he adjusted to the way it felt. Nothing could have prepared him for it, the way he could feel your walls stretching to accommodate him; how warm and wet you were wrapped around him. 

“How is it, Spence?” Luke breathed. 

“I…I…no words.” Spencer panted his reply. 

There truly were no words to describe it and Spencer usually had a word for everything. But this was so beyond his wildest comprehension that even his giant brain couldn’t find the necessary prose that would do this justice. 

He took another deep breath, finally looking away from Luke and down between your bodies. He gasped loudly at the sight awaiting him as he pulled his hips back, seeing the condom coated in your slick. 

And when he pushed back in his head spun at the way he disappeared inside of you, taking his entire length. 

“Fucking hell.” He panted breathily.

His animalistic side took over then and he started suddenly pounding into you, hard and fast jabs of his cock as it filled you up again and again. 

You gripped the armchair and your moans muffled against the material. Your legs were shaking but Spencer was holding you up with a firm grip on your waist. 

Each time he slammed against you, he seemed to hit you in a new spot and his hips slapped against your ass probably leaving bruises. 

Luke was moaning from his position on the bed, his cock starting to grow hard again at the sight of his boyfriend pounding you. 

Spencer’s face was contorted into an expression of pure ecstasy, like nothing Luke had ever seen before. 

He looked delirious, his eyes half rolled back in his head and his hair sticking to the sweat on his forehead. 

He fucked you into the armchair, his thrusts unyielding as he worked his way to his orgasm. 

Luke moved without the forethought to do so, on his feet and moving across the room. He came up behind Spencer and wrapped his arms around the other man’s chest, pressing his lips against the soft flesh of his neck. 

“How good does it feel, Spence?” Luke mumbled against his neck. 

“Fucking…so good, so fucking good.” Spencer whined, hips snapping back and forth frantically. 

Luke nibbled on his boyfriend's neck, fingers brushing over his nipples before tweaking them a little. His dick pressed against one of Spencer’s ass cheeks and the friction caused by Spencer’s thrusts was dizzying. 

Spencer felt the telltale tightening in his stomach, the coil wound so tight it would imminently snap. He somehow pounded you harder and you could feel your own orgasm sneaking up on you. 

As if he could read your mind, Spencer spoke in a ragged voice, “are you close?” 

“Hmm.” You replied, nodding your head. 

“Fuck, me too.” Spencer agreed. 

Luke could feel Spencer’s impending release in the way his body tightened in his arms and his legs started to wobble furiously. 

“Oh fuck…oh fuck…oh fuck!” He bellowed, burying so deep inside of you as he came in the condom, at the same time he felt you clenching and pulsing around him as your own orgasm joined him. 

His hips kept slowly bucking and he closed his eyes, leaning the weight of his body back against Luke’s chest. 

Luke held him while he came down from his high, while he tried to compensate in his cloudy mind how anything could feel that good. 

Eventually his movements stilled completely and reluctantly he withdrew from you, causing you both to whimper at the emptiness you both suddenly felt. 

His arms still around Spencer, Luke first helped his partner to the bed where he collapsed like a doll, before he returned and aided you to the bed as well with an arm around your waist. 

Luke stood at the foot of the bed and watched the two fucked out bodies as you and Spencer fought to catch your breaths. 

Spencer was on his back with his eyes closed and his fingers ran lazily up and down his own rib cage as though trying to bring himself back down to Earth. 

You were curled up on your side, eyes also closed as you nuzzled against the pillow. 

Luke smiled to himself, hand involuntarily wrapping around the base of his shaft as he regarded you both. 

He started leisurely stroking himself as his eyes flicked between the two of you, dark eyes with blown out pupils. 

In his wildest dreams he never could have predicted how magnificent this night could be. What could have been his and Spencer’s downfall he knew would now only bring them closer. 

The magic 8 ball might have forecast a less than favourable outcome but right now all signs were pointing to yes. And Luke was by no means finished with the fun. 

He stepped a little closer, still stroking himself as he watched you both with a large smile on his face. 

“I’ll give you a moment to catch your breaths,” he spoke almost callously, forcing you both to open your eyes. “But don’t think we’re done here. We’re gonna keep shaking this magic 8 until it breaks.” 

[del-stars]

More headcanons about prongsfoot cheaters please?? I’m obsessed with it

me too actually. like i cant stop thinking abt this au. yap incoming!

this sirius is a narcissist. i mean he always is but its bad bad here. he falls in love w remus bc remus fawns over him which makes him feel good. he thrives on the attention that remus gives him.

which is why he's tweaking tf OUT when remus leaves him. he is fr heartbroken bc he needs someone completely devoted to him around him at all times. and he doesnt see what's wrong with a few sexual exchanges among friends

and poor bby remus. he's having his leave (get out) moment. his big girls dont cry moment. his irreplaceable moment, even. it takes him a LOT to get here & he almost doesn't leave sirius but sirius' refusal to stop seeing james sends him over the edge

is there space for me to say this ends in moonwater

lily though? oh my god lily. her and sirius are having a manipulate james-off. she is not going down without a fight and she fights dirty. her sole prerogative is to make sirius' life MISERABLE. after remus leaves and sirius starts demanding that james leaves lily, girl sees right through it. she is the only one in this scenario who knows sirius is a narcissist and she is constantly trying to show james the light

and right when sirius has james ready to ask for a divorce? she's pregnant. my good sister hands the test to james and bats her big teary green eyes and hits him with 'i was thinking harry james, for a boy'

james folds. lily milks like. four more years out of her marriage this way

does she even want to stay married to james? who knows. she's fucking mary like every other day atp. but one thing lily evans will NOT do is lose

meanwhile sirius is still crashing out texting james every day like 'please we dont need her i would be such a good mother to our baby'

james' fatal flaw in this is lack of resistance to temptation. like, he's probably the only one here who is acknowledging that this is extremely fucked up and that his actions are objectively wrong. but sacrifice his own pleasure? give up something that serves him? he'd much rather have it both ways for as long as he can

[ihateapbiology]

salt In the wound

You’re Juliens girlfriend and watching the boys make out during salt in the wound hurts.

You doom scrolled on twitter watching all the live videos of the boys at the end of salt in the wound. You felt literal pains in your heart every time you watched your girlfriend lock lips with either Phoebe or Lucy. It had been every week you saw this, while you only saw your girlfriend while she was on tour like once a month. You had been with her for four years, and always felt secured and loved but it just hurt and damn it you felt insecure. At least she was coming home tomorrow you assured yourself. You texted her when the show was done and called her to congratulate her about the end of tour.

“I’m so so proud of you baby I’ll let you go drive to the hotel but I’m so excited to see you tomorrow.” You softly say. ””I couldn’t have done it without you my love you’re my rock. I love you.” She says time zones away.

As you hang up you can’t stop yourself from spiraling. What even were you to her, what differentiated you from her friends, you love her more than she loves you, she’s going to leave you. You feel yourself quickly spiraling and try to calm yourself. You have a restless night.

You’re woken up by kisses peppering your face. Julien. “My love.” She coos.

Your eyes light up and you pull her into a hug “you’re home. You’re really home. I love you.”

That’s when your eyes fall onto her neck, the hickeys still there and you feel your heart break even more

”Hey hey what’s wrong?” she says confused.

“Nothing.” You say shortly not wanting to feel overdramatic.

“Honey I can tell it’s something look at me” she softly says.

“It’s just….god I’m gonna sound so whiney.” You mumble.

“Sweetheart just tell me.”

“I’m your girlfriend, not Phoebe or Lucy, I am.” you softly start.

“I know…?” She says confused.

“But you guys kiss and make out just like we do. So I just…idk what separates me from them if anything.”

You refuse to make eye contact and immediately feel terrible. Who were you to tell her what she can and cannot do with her friends?

“I’m sorry that was stupid never mind.” You quickly modify.

“Hey no I’m just…love…you’re my life partner. You’re who I want to cultivate a life with. I don’t have sexual or romantic attraction towards them when I kiss them it’s not how I feel when I kiss you babe. I kiss them sure out of love but that love is completely different from our love. I don’t view you just as someone to kiss or touch, you’re my girlfriend for more than that so kissing someone else to me in a non romantic way has never felt like it undermining our relationship.” she says as she gently caresses your hair. “You’re my girl. Not only my best friend but the person I want to wake up to everyday. I love you so so so deeply it’s a love I have for no other. I love Phoebe the same way I love Lucy but I love no one else like you.”

You are at a loss for words real quick. Wow. “Thank you thank you for not undermining how I felt.” you say choking back tears. “I’ve just missed you so much and..I just don’t want to lose you…I didn’t want you to realize you didn’t need me or something.”

“Hey sweet girl, I’m never leaving you ever. We made it through tour, that proves my point. I missed you too everyday but now we’re here together.” She kisses the tip of your nose and you smile. “There’s that beautiful smile.”

“Come into bed?” You smile moving over to your side happy to be sharing the bed once more.

She immediately cuddles up to you.

“Ew you smell like airport.” you giggle into her chest.

“Mmm you love it.” She jokingly holds her sleeve up to your nose.

“No but I do love you.” You grin.

“I love you too sweetheart.”

You turn off the light and are about to go to sleep when she says “oh and tomorrow I’ll make sure to show you another major difference between my love for my friends and for you” and teasingly runs her hand up your leg.

[asirensrage]

Saudade - Chapter 9

Rating: Explicit Pairing: Mikey x OC, Hanma x OC, Ran x OC, Mikey x OC x Draken Fandom: Tokyo Revengers Warnings: swearing, violence, threats of violence, murder, smoking, sex, consensual sex between teenagers, alcohol, recreational drug use, mention of trafficking, torture, family neglect, mentions of sexual violence. isekai OC. memory loss. unbeta’d **warnings are not exhaustive** Summary: No one seems to realize she doesn’t belong until she finally runs into her “new” brother, Hanagaki Takemichi. Now, hearing his story, Takara makes the choice to help him and hopefully find her way home, but faking it til you make it only lasts so long when you start losing the memories of the life you had before. As Takemichi becomes the only family she’s ever known, how far will she go to protect him?

notes: In which Takara reacts to Takemichi getting beaten up by Taiju...and finds more consequences than she expected... I love this chapter. I love her in this chapter. I hope you do too. Please let me know what you think!

also on ao3

fic masterlist - prev chapter

Takara is furious. 

Not only did Takemichi nearly get murdered by Kisaki again, only to be saved by the pure chance of Kazutora coming for Chifuyu, but he was beaten by a gang leader simply for walking in the area. She doesn’t give a shit about gang territory. Takemichi is her brother and she’s sworn to herself to protect him. In the future and now. 

It’s her anger at the situation, at the futility of her future which she knows is going to end up with her bound to Hanma at this rate, and the consistency of death that hangs over her brother like a guillotine that fuels her. 

Takemichi is sweet. He’s determined to protect everyone, but despite all that they’ve shared, he doesn’t know her. Not entirely. He doesn’t know that Takara is trained in multiple sports, that she was once taught every soft spot that makes up a human and the best ways to get away from them. He doesn’t seem to realize that growing up with older brothers meant roughhousing and learning how to escape people bigger than you or even how to duck. Which she still apparently has to teach him. He doesn’t know that resentment, how being treated as less eats at her, that the knowledge she has to do twenty times more than any of her siblings to be seen as equal to them has led her to be vicious when she needs to be. 

He doesn’t question when she leaves the house, doesn’t see behind the fake smile or take into consideration the fact that she brings the new bat she bought with her. 

🛼

She asks someone where she can find him. It’s not hard. He’s a giant teenager and once she’s in his area, one of the older women she asks points her in the right direction. He has other boys following him. Five if she counts right. 

She moves as if she’s playing hockey, determined to score on the other team. She bends low and picks up speed. The ones in the back turn as they hear her approach but they’re not expecting her to be low. She’s short enough on her own and now…they can’t stop her. 

It’s only due to years of training that she manages it. She uses one foot to push herself up, bouncing off a railing and smashing the bat as hard as she can into his head. It lands with a loud crack. He was already turning and she twists to avoid his reach. The benefits of being short. 

She slides past him before she skids to a stop. The bat is cracked. She throws it to the side and straightens, staring at the gigantic teen now across from her. 

He touches the back of his head, pulling his hand to the front and seeing blood on his fingers. “Never met a girl so willing to die before.” 

“Is that what you think?” She looks up at him. He’s huge in comparison to her, but it’s fine. The larger they are, the harder they fall. “You shouldn’t have touched my brother.”

“Your brother?” He laughs at that. “He needs a girl to protect him?”

“It’s not about him needing me,” Takara says, keeping her eyes not only on him but the others she snuck past. “It’s me doing my duty as his older sister. You touch him again and I’ll gut you.” 

“And who am I not supposed to touch?” he asks, wiping the blood on his pant leg. She doesn’t settle and doesn’t get comfortable with his casualness. 

“Hanagaki.”

He laughs again. “That little shit? Shouldn’t be surprised he needs a girl to save him. You should learn your place.”

“Oh I have,” Takara says, shifting back. “It’s standing on the necks of assholes like you.” 

He leans forward a little, grinning at her. It looks more than a little sadistic and Takara wonders, for a moment, if she’s finally got herself in over her head. She doesn’t believe in backing down though. She and Take share that. 

“I’ll give you one chance, Toman bitch. Leave before I kill you.”

Takara whistles a single long note. “Scary,” she says, opening her eyes wide. “How many people run when you give them the crazy eyes? Or is that just how you look?” 

The ones behind him look at her in shock, as if they can’t believe she’s saying this. 

The giant laughs at her. “You should have raised your brother better. Maybe he’d have half the balls you do.” 

“Awww,” Takara says, her voice lined with faux sweetness. “Such flattery. I didn’t get close enough to check, but I wonder if you smell as bad as the shit coming out of your mouth.” 

He swipes towards her and Takara ducks, shifting further back. “You're fast.” 

“Only need to be faster than you, which…doesn’t seem like it’ll be that hard. I only came here to make a point.”

He charges at her, but Takara is used to people larger than her playing games like these and she moves with muscle memory, dodging out of his way and being faster than he is. She’d have trouble if she wasn’t on her skates. It provides that extra leverage. So does her flexibility. 

His arm hits her side, nearly making her lose her breath and causing her to fly across the street from the force. Takara catches herself before she falls, even if she doesn’t stop her face from making contact with the wall. She shakes it off. It hurts and she already knows it’s going to bruise, but she learned long ago how to take a hit. You didn’t grow up with siblings and not end up roughhousing, let alone her experiences playing hockey. No matter what people thought, girls were rough. Even if they weren’t supposed to body-check anyone. She ducks the next hit that he charges with. 

He grabs her by the back of her sweater and she uses the force of the motion to slip out of it, twisting the fabric to catch his hands as her leg swings up and slams into his temple. He stumbles, eyes narrowing as he shakes off the hit and she takes the chance to roll back out of his way again. 

“You’re weak. You can’t defeat me.”

“I think you’re missing the point,” Takara says, skating back and forth slightly to keep herself in place. “This isn’t about defeating you.”

“Then what’s it about? Pissing me off?”

“To prove that you’re not infallible. That I slipped through your five-man guard with ease and even managed to draw blood. These are facts.” She skates back, not looking away from him or the manic look on his face. “Consider this your warning. You touch my brother again and I’ll kill you.” 

“You think I’m going to let some bitch threaten me?”

“Oh, this isn’t a threat. It’s another fact. You see, Takemichi is my brother and family comes before everything. Isn’t that right?” She remembers what he told her about the encounter with Black Dragon. And the Shiba family. “You think you’ll be able to stop me? You won’t see me coming. Just like you didn’t tonight.” She continues to move backward, glancing to make sure she won’t stumble as she picks up her pace. “Don’t worry though!” She calls out to him. “I’m not part of any gang. I won’t tell them you got your head smashed in by a girl!” She tries not to laugh as she says it, knowing it’s going to piss him off further. She turns and bolts, skating away as fast as she can even as she hears footsteps running after her. 

The boys are taller than her with a longer leg reach, but Takara is small and fast and knows exactly how to use both things to her advantage. She’s gone before they can catch up, jumping the gate of the station and thanking the stars that the train arrives as she gets there. She ignores the dirty looks of the other passengers and laughs. It hurts like hell, but she feels better. Now she just has to hope this won’t bite either of them in the ass. 

🛼

“What the fuck happened to you?!” 

Takara looks up at the voice. She’s a little dazed now that the adrenaline’s wearing off and she’s almost home. She wasn’t expecting to run into anyone though. 

Draken storms toward her. “Who hit you?” he demands. He stops himself from reaching for her, slowing down as he gets close. He motions for her to join him off to the side, out of the way of the public walking down the street. “Takara, what happened?” 

She winces at the demand. “It’s nothing. I got into a scrap.”

He looks to the sky as if exasperated. “You sure do get into a lot of them for someone not in a gang. With who?”

“You can’t prove anything,” she says with a shrug. 

“Takara.”

She rolls her eyes and shifts in place. “Takemichi got beaten up by the leader of the Black Dragons for accidentally wandering on their turf. The guy wanted to kill him…so…”

“What the fuck did you do?” 

“I went and made a point,” Takara straightens as she says it. “I don’t let anyone hurt my brother.” 

Draken sighs, rubbing his face in frustration. “For fuck’s sake…are you okay?”

Takara shrugs. “I’m fine. He barely touched me. I cracked a bat over his head…which reminds me, I’m going to have to buy a new one.” 

“He hit you.”

“I hit him first.”

“Takara, I get you’re protective of Takemitchy, but he can handle himself. We can protect him. You need to stay out of it.” 

She snorts and looks away. “Yeah, you do a real good job of protecting your people.” She bites back the retort about Baji that’s on her lips. That would just be cruel. 

He sighs. “Come on. Let’s get you home. You need to ice your face. Mikey’s going to be pissed when he sees it.”

“Not if it heals before he sees me,” Takara mutters. “It’s not a big deal.”

“It is. Not only has Black Dragon attacked one of our captains, but now you’re hurt. It doesn’t matter if you’re not an official part of the gang. Everyone knows you’re affiliated with us.” 

She rolls her eyes and wonders if she should tell him she threatened to kill the leader. Probably not considering how bent out of shape he is about her hitting him…or getting hurt. “I don’t suppose you can keep me out of it?” 

He gives her a look that makes her sigh. “Fine. You don’t need to walk me home though.”

“At this rate, I think I do. Any time you’re on your own, shit happens. Beginning to think you need a guard or some shit.”

🛼

“You’ve gotten yourself in some deep shit with attacking Taiju,” Draken says when they’re getting close to her place. She’s had to slow herself down to his walking speed.

“Because I tried to knock some sense into a gang leader?”

“Because you acted on your own without thinking and you’re both affiliated and not affiliated with Toman.”

She slows to a stop. “What? I don’t understand.”

He stops and turns towards her. “Look, Taiju attacking Takemitchy can be a declaration of war between Black Dragon and Toman. Now there’s two ways a gang can respond to that. We can accept the declaration and start a war between us or…we can use unaffiliated people to act out and retaliate for us, that way a war can be avoided.”

“...Okay..” she says, still confused. “What does this have to do with me?”

He pinches his nose before looking down at her. “Despite your relation to one of our captains, you’re not actually a part of Toman. Your attack on Taiju can be considered retaliation on our end without us formally accepting the war. If we accept your choice as that, we’re basically saying Toman can’t be held accountable for your actions. It also means that we agree that actions by others against us can’t be held against another gang. Which means if someone attacked you, we couldn’t fight for you. But if we agreed that you were acting on our behalf, then that means Toman can be held accountable for your choices and we can hold others accountable. It would mean we’d be declaring you’re a part of Toman and protected by us.” 

“Shit.” 

“This is why you gotta stop fucking doing shit without talking to any of us, Takara.”

“How am I supposed to know?” 

“You’re not.” Draken sighs. “I gotta tell Mikey about all of this and you gotta make a choice.”

“I do?”

“Yeah. You gotta decide if you want to accept our help or deal with the consequences that come with being alone. Come on,” he nods for her to keep moving. “We’ll probably have an executive meeting tomorrow to talk about all this shit. You have until then to choose.”

tag list: @raith-way @zeleniafic @veetlegeuse @chickensarentcheap @residentdormouse

@themaradwrites @kingsmakers @thatmagickjuju @awkwardchick87 @hayatoseyepatch

tr tag: @mitsuwuyaa @blackfire2013 @bleach-your-panties @reiners-milkbiddies

saudade tag: @thisbicc @scythegal

network tag: @pixelcafe-network

[hargrove-mayfields]

For ST Rarepair Roulette 💕 @st-rarepair-roulette

Word Count: ~5,000

Ships: Billy Hargrove x Chrissy Cunningham and Heather Holloway x Jason Carver.

Warnings: Implied/referenced child abuse, lots of arguing and misunderstandings, very mild references to sexual content.

~~~~~~

“No. Nope. I don’t believe that for one second.”

Gossip. That’s all it is. Heather and Chrissy laying on the former’s bed, legs up against the wall, long hair dangling over the opposite edge of the bed, exchanging silly gossip.

Never the mean kind, Chrissy won’t allow that, it’s mostly their respective crushes and fascinations from school they talk about.

Or specifically, lately how much Heather doesn’t like Chrissy’s taste in boys. Or anybody, for that matter. In her heart of hearts, she knows Heather is just protective.

Still, Chrissy tosses a little stuffed fuzzball of an animal at her friend for that comment, “Hetty! Rude!”

“Look I’m sorry, I just can’t believe that Hargrove has like, actual feelings. I don’t trust him.” Heather elaborates, through her laughter.

See, she’d say the same every time, they both know that. What matters is whether Chrissy is bold enough to go through with it. She never has been so far. It’s one thing to have a crush, but to have someone openly pining back, that’s something more rare.

An opportunity Chrissy wouldn’t like to lose just to please her best friend.

She’ll try to win her over, “One date won’t be bad.”

But Heather will make excuse after excuse, “Every girl says that before the worst night of her life.”

Chrissy rolls onto her front, sighing so heavily the weight of Heather’s mattress lifts up, like she’s turned to the most stressed little helium balloon and floated away. Maybe she did, off into her imagination, taking her common sense with her.

Maybe she’ll entertain Heather’s concerns, but only if they’re productive, “Well how did you know Jason was being genuine?”

Heather's boyfriend. Track and basketball star, high class social asshole. Chrissys has never been a fan, to be entirely honest. Her earliest memories of Jason Carver were of him shoving over smaller kids in their church group and treating every recess game as pro-level sports. She still doesn’t see what Heather finds so charming about him.

She hopes maybe he’d changed, assumes he’d have had to to win over a critical heart like the one guarded in Heather’s chest.

Oh but Heather gives no such benefit of the doubt to anybody else, “I /don’t/ know it. But /my/ boyfriend doesn’t run over innocent children in his free time.. or whatever the hell it is Billy Hargrove gets up to.”

Chrissy has to laugh at that, it's so absurd, “Oh- He does not! Billy’s /nice./”

“Prove it.” Heather challenges, popping a gum bubble between her teeth to assert her seriousness.

“Hetty.” Chrissy warns, uninterested in playing that game.

Her friend isn’t having it. Heather rolls her brown eyes with so much force she literally rolls over on the bed, sprawling out over top of Chrissy like a beloved golden retriever with no respect for sharing space. It’s always been comfortable with her, coexisting without regard to self consciousness and mothers opinions and Godly image. Probably why she lets Heather get away with being a little catty sometimes.

Like now, as she claims, “Oh come on. Make it a game, have some fun, but show me he’s genuine. Or else I’m kicking his ass.”

“Fine.” Chrissy wants to be stern, but she cracks a little smile, her real, bright one, “If I'm supposed to threaten to kick Jason’s butt, I don’t think I’d be able to.”

Heather hums in thought before presenting a solution, “I’ll do the ‘defending of our honor’ if you help me test Jay back.”

“Pinky promise you’ll be nicer to Billy once we get proof?”

“That’s /if/ we get proof, but you have my word.”

The deal is sealed. They lock pinky fingers, one soft pink nailed and one a flaming red shade. In the ten years they’d been friends since Heather joined their class in 1st grade, not a single pinky promise between them has been broken. It just isn’t done.

Admittedly, that’s a lot of pressure. Talking about cute boys doesn’t feel as fun anymore.

Chrissy’s fluttery feelings start to set in, fidgeting with her hands to hope to drive them off. If she had her bracelets on, she’d shake them and enjoy the way they ring from the hard plastics and metals banging together, but it’s late, she’s in her pjs without jewelry. She picks her nails instead.

Redirecting, Heather hands her a stuffed Winnie the Pooh, and asks a question she knows will catch her off guard, “Soooo. What are you gonna do?”

“Hetty, I haven’t had time to think!” Chrissy complains, squishing poor Pooh between her hands, choosing to abuse the stuffed toy with her anxiety instead of her own skin.

“Oh come on. What do boys care about? Cars, sex, and sports. Pick one and he’ll show his true colors.” Heather says it likes it’s all just so easy, and she already knows it all.

Chrissy isn’t as sure. She considers her options,

“Um, sports sounds the least dangerous.. maybe?”

“Until he tackles your little ass.” Heather points out.

There’s a moment where they both sort of stop moving. They both know what Heather is about to do, but Chrissy's defenses are useless to stop it. She scrunches her body up as tiny as can be, but Heather has pounced, poking her sides gently where she knows her friend is ticklish.

Chrissy used to get all self conscious when Heather would do things like that. Not just touching her skin, so close to where she feels her strongest insecurities, but even jokes, little digs that had nothing to do with Chrissy’s appearance would get her down.

They have Billy to thank for the change. Dating or not, William Hargrove isn’t one to hide his affections. Everyone knows he’s had a thing for Chrissy for a while. It’s deciphering whether he’s chasing tail, or chasing the sweet girl he’d shown enough interest in to replenish her view of herself, hung around and flirted and laughed with so freely it healed a part of her broken heart.

She thinks maybe repaying him a little would increase the chances of getting the ball rolling, and getting Heather’s trust. “What if I cheer special for him during one of his games?”

“Uh, no!” Heather shakes her head, rolled curls bouncing in their pillow curlers back and forth, ”That just makes /you/ public about it. And he can spin that if he’s being an ass for real.”

“But I don’t think-“ Chrissy starts to argue, brow knotted.

Heather holds one of her hands, showing she is doing this because she cares, even if she’s being a little harsh, “Honey, I know I’m a cynical bitch, but I don’t want to see you hurt. Save yourself the embarrassment.”

“I don’t- Heather, it’s not embarrassing to be in love!”

A gasp, slow realization dawning. “You’re right. Oh my god, Chrissy you’re so right!!”

Heather kicks her legs with glee, fuzzy slippers going flying. Right out of a movie, she squeals with delight, infecting Chrissy too with her sudden joy.

Chrissy giggles, going along with it, “I am?”

“Uh, yes! It’s perfect!” Heather scoots closer until they’re shoulder to shoulder, looking up at the ceiling together. She talks with her hands, like she’s painting the picture for her. “Don’t /cheer/ his name. /Wear/ it.”

Only, Chrissy doesn’t think she gets it, “...How?”

“His varsity jacket! If a boy gives you his varsity jacket, it’s serious business. They protect those damn things like a firstborn daughter. If you can get Billy to give you his jacket, you might as well be hitched!” Heather explains, a ball of enthusiasm.

Chrissy knows her longing heart starts racing, probably obvious to Heather too this close together, “You actually think that would work?”

Heather flips up so she’s sitting, burning some of her energy in her dramatic motions, “Duh! You show up to a game repping his varsity, baby, that deal is sealed. I’m talking a proposal at the end-zone. A wedding between quarters. I’m talkin’ baby-making under the bleachers-“

Chrissy, face as hot pink as her pj tank top, interrupts all that, “Okay! Okay. That’s… I get it.”

“Do I make you blush, fair lady?” Heather drawls, in an impression of a boy, eyebrow arched, chest puffed out, lips curled, her voiced dropped ridiculously deep-

Chrissy covers her face, trying desperately not to laugh at the ridiculous attempt, “Heatherrr!!”

Heather clutches her chest like she’s wounded, taking on a sort of accent almost from how badly she’s doing her impression, “Ah! My apologies, maiden. How ungentlemanly of me.”

“Nobody talks like that! /Billy/ doesn’t talk like that!!” Chrissy argues, though she giggles at the unseriousness of it all. So it took a while, but Heather always does know how to make her feel better.

They drop the boy talk for a while, choosing to sneak downstairs and grab some snacks at two in the morning once Heather’s parents were definitely asleep, coming back up with a strange homemade trail mix. Dark chocolate chips, raisins, pretzels, almonds and strawberries. Certainly nothing outside of Chrissy’s comfort zone, careful not to push the limits of her recovery, though it’ll probably give them both a stomachache in a few hours regardless.

Leaned against some bean bag chairs right under the open window, enjoying the birdsong and cricket chirps, they share their homemade creation, and better, more smiles and lighthearted stories. Like they used to, before highschool drama and all.

Nearing 4, Heather turns to her, uncharacteristically dead serious, and declares, “I hope he makes you this happy.”

The realness inspires Chrissy to do the prying now, switching roles, hoping her friend will open up to her in kind, “Does Jason make you happy?”

“/Jason/ does. Our parents practically arranging for us to be married from the time we were newborns, hm not so much.” Heather sighs, drawing her knees in. She doesn’t quite shut down, it’s more for comfort, self assurance, which Chrissy understands. She gives her space to collect her thoughts.

“He’s my guy best friend. And I love him. In more than the best friend way. It’d be stupid not to end up together. But god there’s so much pressure!”

“I think you should do the jacket thing too.” Chrissy offers carefully, “I’m doing it to prove /my/ date isn’t a one-hit creep. You can do it just to remind yourself why you love your boy. And that he loves you. ‘Cause I know he does, Heather. But I know you’re afraid he doesn’t.”

Heather has tears in her eyes and a sad smile when she looks at Chrissy, “What is with you quiet girls and secretly being psychics?”

Oh how Chrissy wished she truly were a psychic.

At the beginning, she wasn’t nervous at all. Her and Heather bullshitted all the time, it wasn’t anything serious. But they’re all four on a date, wandering downtown around the various second hand stores, a typical stop for one couple, and the complete opposite for the others.

Seemed as good a time as any to go through with their silly plan, it wasn’t like it would hurt anything. Except she’d tried all kinds of things to get Billy to give her his jacket, and so far, none of them worked even a little! Not browsing through a selection of jackets at the stores, not shivering dramatically, not clinging to his side either.

Chrissy felt a chip in her little heart every time, feeling like maybe Heather was right. All over a jacket. She’d have her heart broken for a little bit of wool and leather.

With her boyfriend's name on it. Her boyfriend who actually holds her hand, and tells her she’s pretty, and doesn’t creep his hands under his skirt constantly.

She doesn’t know if she could get over losing that.

Her gait down the strip is admittedly less spirited, lingering behind Heather and Jay, but Billy never leaves her behind. He engages her in conversation too, hair blowing all over the place around his face, “How the fuck do you go outside in this shit?”

Chrissy looks at him, wearing an amused little smile, “Like, ever?”

“Yeah /ever/, Princess.” Billy sarcastically, but lightheartedly bumps her shoulder lightly with his arm, “Jesus, I should take you to California. Gonna miss winters without tiny fucking knives falling from the sky.”

Heather doesn’t lose track of that comment for a minute. Excited for Chrissy, she tries to plant the seed for their plan,

“What’s the matter, Billy? You too cold?”

“Hell no. But I’m not a chick the size of a baby deer.” Billy remarks, taking the bait perfectly well, rubbing Chrissy’s arms and feeling how cold she is, “Shit, you’re fucking frozen, Chris. Here.”

And without even thinking he peels off his varsity jacket and starts to hand it over.

Used to the cold, and despite her excitement wanting to make sure Billy doesn’t get uncomfortable, Chrissy protests, “No, no, no. Keep it. I can’t let your California sunshine freeze over.”

Billy disregards that, slinging it over her shoulders anyways, “Yeah, well I’m not letting all the fuckin’ little pixies that fly around your head freeze to death either.”

Jason scoffs at him, turning around to walk backwards with the group, teasing, “Dude, what does that even mean?”

Without even looking Heather flicks his ear, getting his attention back, “Just because you don’t understand romance doesn’t mean nobody can.”

He looks at her like a kicked puppy, but Jason is nothing if not stubborn, “Pixies? Sunshine? What happened to- beautiful and charming and butterflies in the stomach?”

“I don’t know, Jason. Maybe you should fall in love again and find out.”

“Who would I fall in love with? Nobody can beat you, Holloway.”

Heather rolls her eyes, flicking her hair like an agitated horse would it’s tail, “Ah, see you almost got a couple points there. Almost. You’re in the negatives though for using my last name.”

He tries to recover it suavely, “I could call you Carver instead?”

But that isn’t Heather's way. She counters intensely, “No. I’m not being a child bride, thank you very much. Besides, who says I’m taking your name? Maybe I could call you Holloway.”

“The.. I- Okay.” Jason just sputters, turning pink up to his ears.

Behind them, still lingering a good ways back, Chrissy hums, warm and cozy in her boyfriend’s jacket, “What are they even arguing about?”

Billy laughs about that, shrugs his shoulders, “Hell if I know. They lost me a long time ago.”

“It’s funny. Heather didn’t think you were good for me, but she fights with Jason all the time.” Chrissy informs him.

Billy stops dead in his tracks. Gently uses his hold on Chrissy's hand to spin her around to face him as he fell behind,

“Hold on. Take a step back. Heather thinks /what/ about me?”

Chrissy’s nerves spike so quickly she gets a little dizzy, “Please don't take it personally. I want my two favorite people to like each other. Please.”

Her beau steadies her, instead of freaking out, “No problem. I just find it.. fuckin’ weird.”

“It’s because of the way you drive. And smoke. And act. She thinks it’s bad for me.” Chrissy blurts, knowing it’s unkind but needing him to believe that she had no part in it.

He doesn’t seem too phased by having Heather’s disapproval, apparently learning faster than most people do, “Big fucking deal. At least you know I love you, right?”

“Mhm.” Chrissy nods her assurance, standing on her tiptoes to kiss Billy’s cheek and seal the promise.

“Right. Tell her she’s the one making Jason cry his damn eyes out the second he gets tipsy on a sip of anything stronger than a fuckin’ soda pop. I’m tellin’ you, Holloway has ripped out his heart and shoved it up his own pansy ass.” Billy sounds bitter, but not overly mean.

It’s something he’s thought about before. Good to know the gossip street goes both ways.

It’s why Chrissy doesn’t feel too bad telling Billy now, “She doesn’t mean to. I think she’s scared.”

“Sacred of Carver?…. He hurt her?” His voice drops, as angry and mean as Heather warned her about.

They don’t talk much about serious things, serious isn’t their kind of fun, but Chrissy knows about Billy’s life at home. About the type of man Billy could’ve been destined to be.

She rushes to make sure he doesn’t turn on his own friend for thinking Jason was the same way, “Oh no! No, not at all. Never. It’s her mom and her daddy. They sort of forced her to date Jason. She wasn’t ready. I think she’s ready now and doesn’t want to admit it. ‘Cause that would be like taking their orders.”

“Fuckin’ parents.” Billy eventually grumbles, not knowing what else to say.

It seems to be a common theme in their group. A bonding experience for all four of them, whether or not they’re open about it.

Chrissy doesn’t really feel like talking about that stuff anymore, sort of just mumbling, “Yeah.”

Because Billy is perfect, and none of the things Heather says at all, and the actual bullies in their lives makes her want to just hide. Billy notices the drop in her mood, and silently slings an arm around her waist, pulling her into his side as they walk. Keeping her close. Safe.

Maybe someday things will work out beyond Hawkins. They have to. Winning the jacket was a silly, small victory, but it was a step.

Now Chrissy just wants, more than anything, her friends to be happy.

She holds onto Billy’s hand a little tighter.

The next time Heather and Jason get together, it’s for a study date at the end of that week. With Heather being a year above, the only class they have in common is the Biology two class Heather failed last year. There’s coloring sheets of bones and cells to be completed, so it’s not like they need each other’s help, but sitting on Heather’s bed coloring with colored pencils didn’t seem like a bad deal either way.

At some point, surrounded by all the color, Heather realizes something,

“Honey. We’re going shopping this weekend.”

Jason barely looks up from his work, focused on being neat close to the lines, “For?”

“Clothes. You’ve worn three white polos this week. I’m bringing some color into your life.” Heather pokes him with the flat end of the white pencil for emphasis.

Jason blinks, caught off his guard, “I wear green sometimes.”

“School colors don’t count. Yellow either.”

“I think I have, maybe, /one/ blue shirt.”

Heather digs in the pile for a turquoise-ish pencil, “Blue! Blue’s.. good! That’s definitely on God’s rainbow. Maybe a nice pair of blue jeans too, for once-“

That’s where Jason cuts it off. Because that’s where Heather went from playfully sharp to flat-out insulting, “Heather, please.”

She stays on the defensive, “I’m just saying. There’s nothing wrong with branching out from your choir boy uniform. That’s all.”

Sometimes it’s like she thinks if she pokes a bruise enough, it’ll make her seem like she’s strong enough to cause them. Like she’s all in charge and nothing can stop her.

Jason doesn’t want to stop her, he just wants her basic respect, “So what do you suggest?”

Not even sarcastic, just genuinely enthusiastic to share, Heather starts, “Pastels! Your hair is way too strawberry to be a dark dresser. Unless you go with emeralds, no more tacky green. Ooh, or even if you grow it out some! You know, actually-“

Jason runs his fingers over his neatly parted hair, protecting it, not hiding the concerned squeak to his voice, “No thank you, I happen to like my hair short.”

“Again, baby. Boring.” Heather just rolls her eyes, once again. Sometimes it’s like that’s all she knows how to do.

It stings.

“Look, if nothing I do is ever going to be good enough-“

Heather doesn't entertain that in the least. She slaps her hand over his homework page, making him look at her, “It’s not /you/. You know that it’s not you.”

No, he didn’t know that. Jason looks at her, confused, “What?”

“Just because you dress yourself, and you drive your stupid little station wagon around parading your image, doesn’t mean there’s not that voice in the back of your head. Maybe… maybe a tight fist too. Telling you what to do. You’re afraid.” Heather talks with her hands, just enough that Jason can see through it.

That she’s being showy to hide something.

Doesn’t mean he’s not been rendered self conscious and bare-souled all the same. He doesn’t like that, even after months with Heather not feeling safe showing her all his tender parts like that, “I don’t want to hear this from you.”

“Oh, so a girl can’t have opinions, huh? I should just spread my legs now and let something else do all the talking?” Heather heats the argument.

Jason just lets his head fall back, frustrated, “I don’t- You /know/ I don’t want that.”

“Oh please do enlighten me then, your graciousness.” Heather forces what Jason is thinking out of him.

So he lets it go, without regard to her feelings, even though he hadn’t wanted to, “Look, I’m not stupid. I know your parents are a problem, Heather. Everyone that’s read the paper knows Tom Holloway isn’t a kind man. You try to hide it, but you can’t keep it from me. And you can’t- just take it all out on me!”

“I wasn’t-“ Heather tries to backpedal.

He still doesn’t let her, “You were! You always have! Nobody has the key to the lock on your heart, but I’ve been trying anyways. And you just shut. me. down!”

“Jason…”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry we didn’t meet for real until high school. I’m sorry I can’t save you because I’ve got my own.. shit to deal with. But, and forgive me for using His name in vain, Jesus fucking Christ Heather!”

“Jason..” Heather repeats, clearly more misty eyed than before, and opens her arms. A hug is letting him in physically, letting him get close even when the words aren’t easy.

Mostly, she hadn’t realized Jason could read her as easily as she could read him.

He takes the vulnerability to mean it’s safe to say, “I love you.”

“I know.” Is Heather’s response. It’s not easy to say it back, not when she chokes on it every time she tries to say it to her ‘problems,’ let alone a highschool boyfriend she was never supposed to fall for, not in her own heart.

It’s enough. Jason keeps holding her, lips against her shoulder, “I’m sorry.”

Heather repeats herself, “I know.”

Nothing else felt right to say. Because she /was/ sorry too, but saying it second would feel ingenuine. At least, she’d read it that way.

She closes her eyes and feels exhausted. It’s not supposed to be this hard. Their school years are drawing to a close, and yet she can’t even admit her own parents treat her like shit.

Maybe a silent tear drop or two drips off the end of her nose behind Jason’s back. If he noticed, he didn’t say a word.

After a while, Heather needs to do something, sitting and thinking and regretting not doing anything to help, “Can we call Chrissy and Billy and go get some ice cream or something?”

“Sure. I think I owe that to you for keeping myself so.. alone.” Jason admits, bashful but genuine.

And isn’t that just the thing. Heather gives him a tiny smile back, “Ditto, baby.”

Ice cream ran into the evening, all of them itching for an excuse to stay out. Chrissy was the last to finish her bowl of two raspberry scoops with sprinkles, half of it melted into sludge by the last spoonful, and even that’s not a distraction enough.

It’s early spring, which means, as the group informed Billy, that the Hawkins drive-in theater was opening back up. Nobody even needed to discuss it to know that’s what they wanted to do. There were a variety of chick-flicks and even more horror sequels in the box office, which meant the two week delay at the drive-in would make for some good choices at least. Most Hawkins residents would take their trucks out there, not some prissy little station wagon, but it would do.

At least, it should, but Billy started getting impatient with cruising along under the speed limit out to the wooded hill where the drive-in is, “Can’t this piece of shit go faster?”

Heather turned around slightly to face and scold him, “Well, we coulda brought yours if you hadn’t decided to buy the extra tiny, no room for fun model.”

Billy just snorted humorlessly, “We could fit if there was any actual fun going on. Leaving room for the Lord or whatever is what fucks it up.”

For that comment, knowing their company, Chrissy pushed Billy’s arm gently. Still, she didn’t seem to disagree too harshly, since she smiled through when he kissed her next.

Heather seemed irritated, though that tends to be her default honestly, as she huffed, “Not everyone’s a sleaze like you, Hargrove. Get used to it.”

Billy hadn’t even justified it with a response, just waved her off and used the same arm to swing it over the seat behind Chrissy. She was wearing his jacket again, hadn’t taken it off all week, curled into his side and wearing his name. In that bubbly way she does, she was also wiggling her hands about, not nervous, but happy.

Content.

Heather and Jason still had a ways to go to reach contentment.

The pair stay in the car for the movie, their counterparts in a blanket on the grass instead. Cali boy is out there freezing his ass off, but he’d said anything would be better than being trapped with relationship drama.

Heather and Jason try to ignore him.

They fail.

Jason turns to her not even a full twenty minutes after that comment starts working it’s way under his skin, “Heather?”

“Hm?” She hums to show she’s listening, but doesn’t look his way.

That’s not enough for what needs to be said, so he repeats, “Heather.”

“Yeah, that’s me. You need something?”

“I wanted- I just…. I’m sorry.”

Her pretty features screw up in confusion, “For what?”

“For not being good enough.” Jason informs, like it was the most clear thing, “You’d be happier with a guy like Billy. Maybe you could call up Steve-“

“No, fuck you if you think I could ever leave you.” She spits.

And then she grabs Jason by the collar of his polo and kisses him.

It’s nothing chaste, nothing at all like their usual peck of the lips. This is roaming tongues and hands.

Heather reigns herself in when she feels Jason’s hands, holding her hips up under the back of her shirt, shaking.

“I’m not gonna make you do anything. Sex isn’t my endgame.”

He sort of freezes, like it hadn’t occurred to him that Heather wouldn’t mind helping him in his devotion to modesty, “So what is?”

“An apartment. Maybe get a cat. I want to share a space with you long before we do marriage shit.” Heather explains lightly, smile on her face.

Jason relaxes his shoulders, “Make it a dog and we’ll see. Dogs are better.”

“Oh, ha-ha. Make it one of each and I’ll forgive you for that comment.”

Heather kisses him again, without any heat or intensity this time, just gentle, soft affection. She even lets him touch her hair, despite usually slapping his hands away for that. It helps that she’d brushed it out to be restyled before bed tonight, but still, she would have let him even if her curls were laying perfect.

When they pull away, Heather lays her head on Jason’s shoulder. Instead of watching Cat’s Eye on the screen, her gaze falls to their friends huddled up outside, and she muses, “How much you wanna bet Chrissy and Billy run away into the sunset?”

“I hope they do. Hawkins is Hell on earth.” Jason asserts, clearly serious because he usually wouldn’t even mention a place like that.

Heather sighs slightly, “Literally. The kidnappings, the murders. I can’t take much more of it.”

Confident, Jason says, “I’m sure they’d make room for us then. If we wanted to go with them.”

That has Heather sitting up straighter, surprised, “You would live in California?”

Sunny skies, living free- it didn’t seem very much his pace. The order and the mundanity of Midwestern life seemed better for Jason.

He just shrugs for now, “Who knows? We’ll see when we get there.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Heather wonders aloud, as she knows it, finding that Jason prefers to have his entire life planned out.

He only sounds a little tense as he tries to sound brave and strong, “Getting there.”

The tension between them had to have been coming from there. She wanted nothing more than to rebel and escape, while he, even when he was feeling crushed by the weight of parental disapproval, was nothing short of desperate to be back in their graces.

If Heather could be more open to discussion when that made her uncomfortable, and Jason less complicit to begin with, the pair would probably be on the right path again.

She lays her head on him again, and this time, Jason takes his arm out of one sleeve of his varsity jacket, slinging it around her like a blanket. Her heart absolutely soars. The promise to Chrissy was fulfilled, she and her honey were working out just fine now, after she’d gotten Billy’s jacket.

That’s gotta be a sign that things will work out for Heather too.

“Hey, Jason?”

“Hm?”

She feels compelled to finally confess, “I love you.”

It’s Jason this time who, after a soft little kiss to her forehead, says, “I know.”

[bananindu]

Can I talk? No? I don't care.

After thinking about it for a long time, I came to several conclusions.

• Venting here is like talking to a wall

• I am too dependent, I NEED someone to take care of me or else I feel like I'm going to die

• My best friend, he was the only one who understood me

• I was a bad friend, I could never help him

• I'm scared of everything and panicked over such insignificant things

• I'm too afraid to die

• I'm afraid of having another panic attack again.

• I'm a coward

• I'm so scared of blood and that kind of gore stuff.

• Thinking about blood makes me cry

• I hate every single one of my drawings

• I was sad and now I'm angry, I want to hit something

• I can't remember who I am

• I became paranoid

• I want to be a boy

• He cried for everything

• I'm only happy when I lose my memory

• If they knew me as I am in real life or the things I have done they wouldn't even talk to me.

• I feel guilty for not being able to help my friends when they are sad.

• People only treat me well out of pity

• Why does everyone treat me like this? I'm not a 4 year old

• "Don't bother the child" We are the same age...

• My pets are dead and it's my fault

• I want to go to a psychologist but I'm afraid

• Everyone ignores me

• I'm alone, the only person I "talk" to is myself

• My parents are never there

• I'm afraid to love again

• I have delusions

• "I dreamed I had friends!"

• My life is boring, it has no meaning, the most interesting thing that happens in it is going to school

• I don't know if I can trust people again.

• "I went on a trip!" "I went to the cinema" "I had a football match" "What did you do, bananindu?" - I... I was at home.

• He hated me

• I got everything wrong, I'm useless

• I raised expectations too much

• I don't know what I'm doing

• I don't know what's real anymore

• Costume and Lucas are my comfort characters, although more Costume

• It bothers me when my comfort character is sexualized

Please no, Costume no, I don't want to go through the same thing that happened to me with Leshy

• This is stupid

• When my heart hurts I start to panic because several people in my family have heart problems and I'm afraid of having a heart attack.

• Because of certain things that happened months ago, I currently hate ships.

• I had a panic attack today

• I don't want to feel bad anymore

• I want a hug

• I want to be happy

• Why? Why am I a burden to everyone?

• I will die alone possibly

• Every day is the same

• I would like to have friends to talk to

• Help

• I don't want to keep dreaming that everyone is dead

• I DON'T WANT TO DIE DAMN IT

• I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN FEAR ANYMORE

• My head is going to explode

• So many things in my head, I want to scream, cry or hit something but I have to stay calm

• Anything makes me feel bad

• You know what pisses me off? That despite everything I have to stay calm because according to him there are people who are worse off.

• Are we really friends?

• Venting only makes me feel worse

• Wouldn't it be better to keep all this stuff to myself?

• There are more things missing but I really don't want to continue anymore.

It's 12:35 a.m.

[fairytailskies]

| if you’re hearing LOSE YOURSELF by EMINEM playing, you have to know MATHIAS SUKHDEO (HE/HIM; CIS MAN) is near by! the 33 year old CASHIER AT CITIZEN LEAF/MMA FIGHTER has been in town for, like, ON AND OFF HIS WHOLE LIFE. they’re known to be quite ENIGMATIC, but being PASSIONATE seems to balance that out. or maybe it’s the fact that they resemble JACOB SCIPIO. personally, i’d love to know more about them seeing as how they’ve got those CHANNELING EVERYTHING INTO THE GYMM FIGHTING OUTSIDE OF BARS, THUNDERSTORM IN HUMAN FORM, LATE NIGHT DRIVES TO NOWHERE vibes. and maybe i’ll get my chance if i hang out around RIVERSIDE long enough! *filling sudesh's rival wanted connection

STATS

Name: Mathias Sukhdeo

Nickname(s): Mat, Matty, Suk, Thias

Age: 33

Pronouns: He/Him

Sexuality: Uncertain

Occupation: Cashier (Citizen Leaf), MMA Fighter (ex)

Family: Damien & Ethan Ramoutar (Cousins)

Relationship Status: Single 

Pet(s): Lola (American Pitbull, brown/white coat fur)

Music Inspo: Victory Lap -Nipsey Hussle, Lose Yourself -Eminem, Might Not -Belly/The Weekend, Cold - Boy in Space, Mi Gente - JBalvin/ Willy William, Godzilla -Eminem/Juice WRLD

jail tw

born on one cold day in the month of january (1/14/1991).

he's always been a huge fan of is MMA fighting, it's a sport he and his grandfather would watch every saturday when there was one on. he studied their moves, made his notes, and told himself that one day he was going to be one of them. he promised himself.

his dream seemed to be off to a good start as he began hitting the gym more, staying as much out of trouble as he could, and even began to train. his father was very supportive, always pushing him to go the extra mile. his mother was constantly worried for his safety, overall, she also supported him just as much.

every match he had the guy would fight as if it were his last. he didn't lose often, but he did have his loses. he had plenty of rivals and he loved them for it. in his opinion, they were a reason to push his training even more. his favorite rival, however, was sudesh basra. for some reason, he always enjoyed pushing his buttons.

unfortunately, trouble came rearing its ugly head around the corner. one night, at around 2am, he went out to pick up a friend who claimed they were too drunk to drive. what they didn't tell him was they were planning on robbing a home of someone they had been keeping an eye on for a couple of days and needed a scapegoat; something mathias ended up becoming. he refused to confess the truth and ended up paying the price for it by serving 6 years in jail.

he leaned on his family a lot while he was serving time. thankfully, it seemed like a lot of them believed his innocence. his time in jail wasn't the best or the worst. he had made some friends, though he favored angelo cortes out of all the jail mates he met. sometimes he would get in trouble for fighting, but for the most part he tried to do his time as peacefully as possible.

he was twenty-six when he got out of jail (just turned 20 when he got in) and instead of going back to hemlock springs, mathias headed towards new york city. he lived in nyc for a total of two years before he up and left to do a bit of van life.

eventually he made it back to hemlock springs. he sold his van, got a place in riverside, and settled down in hemlock springs again. he's been back for a year now. so far, if you ask him, he's done a pretty good job at keeping out of trouble. if you don't count the occasional drunken bar fight.

[kiindr]

Hey I wanted to just kinda share my success story here because I think it's important for people to hear

Trigger warnings for suicidal thoughts, self harm, eating disorder, being young, mild sexual harassment, anti-depressants, anxiety meds, and sedatives, toxic relationships ('romantic' but it was petty and short, so I'd say mostly friendships), and talking about therapy and mental hospitals.

- Just turned 15 recently (Present)

*FIRST YEAR*

- Was 11, in 6th grade, when covid hit hard

- Sister has mild disability in her legs so my family was extremely extremely cautious to not catch the 19 because viruses trigger it

- At this time my thoughts were as follows:

"Emotions make me weak"

"Crying is a sign that I'm not strong and confident"

"If I can just get rid of these god damn emotions I can manipulate and gaslight my way through life and be successful"

- I was so desperate for attention I would seek out negative attention. And not sexual negative attention or doing weird stuff... I mean I would sit in gaming chat rooms and tell people to insult me for hours.

- I didn't know crap about mental health at the time

*SECOND YEAR*

7th grade. 13. My lowest. God, so fucking low.

- Still desperately sought out negative attention. I was the weird girl and the pick-me girl in one. I was convinced that if I just brushed off every insult and wrongdoing to me, I'd be "chill" and "fun"

- Hang out with people that used me as entertainment when they were bored, yelling at me and degrading me and insulting me and the worst part is that I LIKED it because I was just so damn lonely

- Started dating some boy. He was 12 I was 13. We never really talked to each other. We were making out before he ever said he wanted to be my boyfriend.

- Soon he was pushy, and disgusting. He would dry hump me, rut against me, spit into my mouth, squeeze my throat...

- And I never said no. Because I was so scared of losing what I had convinced myself was someone who actually loved me.

- But when I tried to 'lightheartedly' protest, or struggle or try to get out of his grip, he would grab me and pin me down and no matter how much I tried to escape he would just force me not to move and he didn't ever actually penetrate me but dear lord that horny ass 12 year old boy had boners more often than not. I didn't tell anyone bc I was scared that they'd be mad that I didn't tell them sooner.

- Also went through a huge identity crisis. It wasn't because I was trans, it was because I wasn't allowing myself to be me so I didn't feel like ME and so I turned to the easy thing. At one point I was "Demiaro pan genderfluid trigender"... I'm just a cis lesbian though.

- My thoughts at this time are as follows:

"Oh."

"I don't care."

"Eh"

"It is what it is"

"I want to sleep"

"I wish I was sleeping right now"

"I can't be here, I have to go"

*SECOND PART OF SECOND YEAR, WORST TIME OF MY LIFE*

- I hate my body. I dont eat all day long. I don't eat lunch at school and told my friends I prefer to eat at home and at home told them the opposite.

- I can't take it one day and I cut myself with a dull old xacto knife.

-It's addictive. I've been punching myself for ages, but cutting is completely different. It made me feel like everything would be okay... for a few seconds... and then I'd look down and all there would be is blood and a rusty blade and a mark that will never be erased.

- I begin to feel suicidal. I think about how much easier it would be to just not exist. I sleep 24/7 so I dont have to be conscious

- I begin to throw up all my food to try to be skinnier

- I progress, I'm fantasizing about killing myself and I'm writing out 3rd person blurbs of me doing it. I drew it too. It was all that consumed my thoughts. It wasn't long until I couldnt trust myself at all to be alone for a minute.

- Living is just so hard. I couldn't describe it then, and I can't describe it now. There are simply no words that will begin to encompass the sheer delusional, wrenching, miserable agony of what that low low feels like. I am positively amazed at 13 year old me for every day she woke up and lived.

- Im missing 1-2 days of school every week. My grades drop, hard

- We try a new anxiety med with my therapist that is known to potentially cause suicidal thoughts. I see it as my chance

- In a month my parents are checking in with me, making sure I don't feel suicidal

- I kindly inform them that I, in fact, am. Very.

- I sleep in their bed at night. I silently get in and we turn the lights out and we all silently cry ourselves to sleep every night.

- I come foward about everything

- We switch meds, I'm getting treated for not OCD but now depression and the likes

- The biggest thing in my life was recovering. Every day I worked SO fucking hard to recover. Every time I opened my eyes in the morning, or put on clean clothes or went to school or took a shower or said hello to someone or finished my homework or ate something was a MASSIVE battle. It was so tiring. I was SO tired.

*THIRD YEAR*

- Over the summer, I'm able to continue to work on myself without worrying about school, it helps a ton.

-Come the school year I'm 6 months free of self harm, no longer suicidal, and eating healthy and balanced meals. I'm into fitness, as running became my coping mechanism for self harm urges (Because running is horrible 💀). I'm going to school almost all days and I'm dropping friends that were bad for me and open myself to new friends.

- It's still hard, I still struggle with my OCD and severe social anxiety, but the depression is so so much better.

- My birthday comes. I'm turning 14. It was so amazing... I was excited for it.

I was EXCITED FOR IT.

I CARED.

I was excited to see my family and I was excited to have a yummy dinner and I was excited to open Presents! I didn't feel like a burden or like gifts for me was a waste of money and my party a waste of time.

This happens at Christmas too. It's so hopeful for me.

- I dunk back into depression towards the end of the school year but resurface a few weeks into summer even better

- We take month long vacation where me and my lil sis have full access to the city and everything while my parents work in our camper. This was so impactful on my social anxiety. I was empowered by my independence.

*NOW*

- I've learned to set boundaries

- I have a healthy friend group with wonderful communication

- I feel HAPPY at least once every day (!) and I let myself cry and it feels so good to let it out and I let myself be sad or angry or dissapointed

- Im not afraid to ask for what I need (Okay well I'm afraid but I've learned to cope with that fear and do it anyway). People like me BETTER when I just ASK for water when I'm thirsty, or I just ask if I'm allowed to use their TV, or I just ask for some milk because Asian food is too powerful for me (😔).

- I have learned how to NOT give advice and just listen. I can hear someone's problems and not want to fix them.

- I have learned what I can and cannot control

So, in summary, I was just in the PITS and I am in awe of myself for my recovery but I am BETTER now. I feel GOOD.

The biggest piece of advice I have to anyone struggling with suicidal thoughts is to think about how PROUD future you will be of you for every day you hold on. Future you will try to give you hugs and comfort and they cant... not until you reach them. Future you is watching from above and sees your path to recovery but in the thick of it you can't see it. Future you is counting on you. Don't let them down. Just, hold on. They deserve a chance right?

(I'm sure this is littered with typos so I'm sorry about that, I don't have the energy to check right now, it's kinda late and I have to get up early)

♡

i love this!

i am so proud of you!

<3

[breezypunk]

1, 5, 17, and 22 for Baby Boi Vaughn? 🥺👉👈

Thankie! <3

Questions here

-

What memory would your OC rather just forget?

The Heist. In my HC the year is 2082, five years later. This is something that still eats him alive to this day. Not only does he wish he could forget it, but he wishes he never did it to begin with. He knows he probably shouldn't say that, if it weren't for the Heist, he'd never met Goro, but if it weren't for the Heist, he wouldn't have went through the worst 6 months of his life after that, with having Johnny and than losing Johnny, and than Goro leaving him for a while to handle unfinished business after falling head over heels for him. Vaughn feeling bad for falling in love with a corpo who he thought didn't care about him at all for a while. He lost his best friend, blamed and still blames himself for it. He has a permanent target on his forehead from Arasaka, especially after the death of Hanako.

Vaughn knows he'll have to look over his shoulder for the rest of his life. The only thing he is grateful for is the fact he has Goro now. Together they are unstoppable, who will keep each other safe no matter what, but there's still dangers out there lurking, waiting for them at their vulnerable moments, all because of a Heist that went ass up, cheeks spread wide. It's the main source of Vaughn's anxiety.

-

5. How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

Hmmm, in what way exactly? ;p

If we're talking about a bribe.. Eh, not very far. Vaughn doesn't even really want much in life. Just peace. (Okay I guess that's a whole lot when it comes to NC).

But if we're talking "bedroom" wise. VERY FAR, lol. I won't elaborate, Vaughn's a very sexual being, he'll go far, and than even farther if he's in a mood. Goro loves every bit of it asfjgndkj

-

17. What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise?

Goro's departure from NC. Lemme explain, cos even though Vaughn's been through some really bad shit, this hit him the worst.

Vaughn grew up feeling unloved and unwanted, from everyone. Bakker clan especially since he grew up around them until his late teens, early twenties. He had no one, even when he was surrounded by so many people. He had an ex who was terrible, so terrible that it made Vaughn plan an escape out of that clan, he knew he'd be outcasted, and never be able to see any of them ever again, and he did have a couple close friends there, that was what hurt him the most than.

Coming to NC, and after all the tragedy he meets someone he finds out he has a lot more in common with than he could ever imagine. Him and Goro are polar opposites. Goro was a corpo, Vaughn, a nomad, the two of them came together in their time of need, got to know each other, spent weeks together planning things and going over things, meeting up to talk about said plans, and being around Goro more and more made Vaughn feel things. Especially when Goro out of nowhere started opening up about how crappy his childhood was. Because.. so was Vaughn's childhood, crappy.

When Vaughn blurted out to Goro that he was transgender, Goro just smiled and asked why Vaughn sounded so scared to tell him, and Vaughn didn't even know why he was scared, and didn't know why he even told him, until he realized he was falling for him. A corpo, someone who would have never loved him had they not been going through what they were going through. But Vaughn didn't want to think about that, he knew these feelings were serious, because he'd never felt them before. But it was clear Goro felt the same, so they both ran with it.

Before the parade, Goro kissed Vaughn out of impulse. Vaughn was about to blurt out that he loved him, because Vaughn apparently loves blurting things out when he should shush for once in his life, and Goro shushed him up finally. After this, it was harder for the both of them to maintain their feelings. So much so that after the parade, when they both went into hiding, (HC time, going off canon), Vaughn and Goro ran to Lakeside Cabin, and stayed there for 4 days together, even slept together, until Goro decided he needed to leave NC and finish his business in Japan before coming back for good.

This... DEVASTED Vaughn. Goro talked to him about it, said 6 months and he'd be back, Vaughn knew he needed to handle this unfinished business, he had no choice. But it broke Vaughn's heart to see him fly off out of NC. It made Vaughn sick to his stomach. He was in love, for the very first time ever. He finally felt like someone cared about him, only to be left.. He was scared Goro wasn't ever going to come back. The first 5 months were terrible for him, he cried so much, he stayed in bed and hardly got out. Even Panam was worried about him, she visited him often, so did Judy. But Vaughn was going THROUGH IT. I feel terrible for putting him through such bad thoughts during this, but I did it for a reason. After 6 months, Goro was back, surprised Vaughn at a concert he and Kerry were having, where when Goro stepped inside the venue, Vaughn was singing a song he had wrote about Goro. After that, they were inseparable, but not without the hardships, not without the bad thoughts and thinking Goro used him. Goro showed him from than on just how much he loved this petty thief, and they've been disasters together ever since.

-

22. What character alignment would you consider your OC to be?

Chaotic Good.

[notsoinnocentlittleangel]

NAME,   Joanna Noelle Carpenter

NICKNAME,   Jo, JoJo, Red and Fire and "every other redhead nickname you can think of," Hurricane

GENDER, Female

ORIENTATION,   Straight

PREFERRED  PET  NAMES,   "Anything cute"

RELATIONSHIP  STATUS,   Single (Probably)

FAVORITE  CANON  SHIP( S ),  I think Sean Maguire @sharp-teeth-and-wide-grins is the only one she has so far.

FAVORITE  NON-CANON  SHIP( S ),  She started out life as a girlfriend/ex-girlfriend of one of my other characters. She's had a few ships off and on throughout the time of this blog, but nothing really active at the moment.

OPINION  ON  TRUE  LOVE,  Joanna believes it exists, but doesn't really think she's going to get it.

OPINION  ON  LOVE  AT  FIRST  SIGHT,   Sort of. She thinks you'll likely have an intense attraction when you first meet the person you'll fall in love with. She's not quite a believer in the fairy tale aspect of it, though.

HOW  ‘ROMANTIC’  ARE  THEY,  Joanna's a romantic, but she doesn't necessarily do or need big displays of romance. Just show her you love her, tell her she looks pretty, kiss her, cuddle her, grab her butt, do minor things she likes. Maybe let her put on a nice dress for a night out every few months.

IDEAL  PHYSICAL  TRAITS,   Average weight, just a little muscle tone, nice smile, good shoulders

IDEAL  PERSONALITY  TRAITS,  Loyalty, patience, calmness ("I got enough emotions for both of us"). He needs some conviction and backbone. She doesn't want a man to try to control her, but she wants someone who can make decisions and who doesn't just let her walk all over him (see below).

UNATTRACTIVE  PHYSICAL  TRAITS,   Too skinny, too short ("I need a guy who can reach the top shelf") or extremely tall ("I don't want my head to be at his chest level"), too out of shape

UNATTRACTIVE  PERSONALITY  TRAITS,  Boring, a guy who's timid and shows no backbone. She loses respect fast if he's too weak-willed.

IDEAL  DATE,  Joanna's not too picky as long as she likes the guy and has a good time. Get some good food, it doesn't have to be expensive and in fact, she usually prefers it's not, then go out and do something. Though take her to a racetrack and you'll earn a lot of bonus points with her.

DO  THEY  HAVE  A  TYPE,  "Bad boys, apparently." Joanna does usually get with them because of her own lifestyle. She does like a guy with a little bit of mystery and perhaps a slight "edge" to him.

AVERAGE  RELATIONSHIP  LENGTH,  She tends to have a lot of brief flings, but if it does become serious, it usually lasts a while.

PREFERRED  NON-SEXUAL  INTIMACY,   Lots of cuddling, especially when it's colder, something like cuddling on the couch watching TV. Doing a little dancing ("spin me around!"). She likes doing "little things" for each other. She likes cooking for him, but likes it even more if he helps.

COMMITMENT  LEVEL,   It takes Joanna a bit to do so, and she needs to know he's committed to her. But when she does commit, she fully commits. She falls hard and gets very attached.

OPINION  OF  PUBLIC  AFFECTION,   Small displays are great: a kiss, a little cuddling and handholding, pick her up and swing her around when you see her. Nothing like making out in public, though.

PAST  RELATIONSHIPS,   She was married for a few years, married to Charlie Long not long after she graduated high school. It did not end well. As mentioned above, she started as an idea for a girlfriend for one of my other characters on another blog, who she may or may not have a past relationship with depending on the RP. Besides that, she's mostly had several brief flings here and there.

tagged by :  Took it

tagging : All y'all

[sandyspaghettibag]

Juxtaposition

Every time I have an absolute blunder of a time trying to socialize, there's something that reminds me of the double life I've found myself living in either because of or to distract from it. There's always something to remind me that I don't fit in, will never fit in, but that there's another life I can leave to filled with people who apparently care about me so much more.

Weird thing is, I feel this way about both of these lives. The in-person life where I'm an awkward loser who would look so much better if he just got his damn look together, and the online sex-obsessed persona that I only just became of legal age for after being there for three years.

Being stuck while attempting to start my next filthy smut story, unable to write the first word (this being my first story of the year) and logging onto my instagram, seeing that I'm on someone's close friends list who I didn't even think I made such a good impression on. Because socializing to me is like a game of survival with everyone but my family and OCCASIONALLY a friend or two, how long I can last while coming off as coherent and normal, fighting for my life to just not seem awkward.

So when I inevitably lose the survival game (come off as too awkward, make someone uncomfortable even though I KNOW I'm awkward and don't know how to fix it), I feel so dejected that I log on to one of my many accounts I live out my second life on. It will always be sexual, homosexual for that matter, because when you're a closeted bisexual who people in real life can only suspect as a little gay without having the heart to ask, all that suppressed gayness is going to reach out to whoever accepts it. This is how I met the first man I've ever fallen in love with, who my tumblr would know as "mister worldwide" (and I call him that because he's my only love interest who lives in a different COUNTRY). He gave me such genuine love three years ago that now, after I've had guys of all types tell me they want me, I'm still on the prowl for the o.g.

This doesn't stop me from messing around with these other guys though. Because when mister worldwide (lol) isn't sticking around for me, I'm playing with one of the 30-something guys who only want me around for sexual stuff. I'm not even the most sexual gay guy out there, at all. Even when I'm doing some of this purely sexual stuff, my mind can't let go of the desire to also have someone to pour my love into. I've realized that I want, more than anything, to just be allowed to love someone. To lift the barrier that prevents me from admitting how much I think about them. I almost forgot how good it feels to be wanted back as well. I remember I went on a trip for like four days, and when I came back, it was mister worldwide who replied with, in all caps "YOU'RE BACK!!!!!"

Needless to say, with that four-day vacation being the one where I first realized I loved him and cried until I felt sick because he was such a long shot at becoming my boyfriend, being shown the most - more than love - ENTHUSIASM at my presence in my entire life was just the icing on the cake. I've been locked in for almost three years now

In an attempt to get closer, for the first time under an anonymous account, I started to lose the survival game, showing my weaknesses and lesser attractive awkwardness and watching him slip away before my eyes. Over the past three years, we've drifted apart, sending maybe a message a month, only to randomly reconnect for a couple weeks twice a year and speak to each other every single day. Like we're still trapped together in that one month three years ago that defined my next 30 months. And I hesitate to say that "we" are trapped in it, because I have no idea if he even holds an ounce of interest in me, romantic or platonic. Maybe he thinks of me how I think of my 30 emotionless boy toys: sexual gratification with nothing deeper. He's opened up about so much of his life to me before, but so have some of the other guys I've met. Doesn't mean they want to be with me, and even if it did, I'm still stuck on the one who I've been stuck to for three years.

Now imagine this three-year mental battle being untold to anyone else. Nobody but my anonymous tumblrs and countless assorted journal entries have heard what has taken up practically half of my entire waking time on this earth. And I wonder why I'm worried about coming off as uninteresting and discomfortingly awkward, because half of what I have going on I can't even SAY. Of course, while half the people I know probably think something's up, nobody can confirm a thing about my sexuality being anything other than heterosexual. In their eyes, I'm a questionably androgynous straight boy. And as the life that embodies my straight boy side, I watch the real-life chances slip right through my fingers, that girl I had a crush on who literally went with me and me alone to lunch a month before she got a boyfriend. I could've gotten her, I could totally have a girlfriend NOW if I didn't have a second life warping the decisions I make in my real one. Of course, I never cried over her, not even when I saw those pictures with her boyfriend. In fact, it was almost like closure.

To be fair, I don't think it was anything more than a crush. She was definitely comfortable enough around me to go with me alone to what was basically a platonic date (and recommended going a second time) but my biggest fear is that I'll go into a relationship and THEN realize I don't like the other person. And that I'll have to keep secrets from the other person, so when the relationship goes up, the walls protecting my secrets go down. And I would NOT do that to this sweet girl who deserves so much more than an awkward and sexually lost boyfriend who doesn't even know if he loves her. Like what do you mean you need to post 40 smut stories onto a fanfiction website by the end of the year for some vague and unclear reason?? Imagine piling that onto her, no way

Not to mention that everyone was rooting for me to get with her. Because she's the only crush I've got who I could tell people about, of course I told people I loved someone when I finally could.

I used to call myself "very versatile" in the sense that I can fit in with the straight boy bubble and the gay boy bubble. I've always been grateful I'm not too "stereotypically gay". This is controversial and I don't even care: i hate how hypersexualized the gays are. There's such a deficiency of romance and commitment, and I know that's not a lot of their faults; I know there are guys like me who feel so lonely despite how EASY it is to get hooked up with another horny-ass dude. That's out of my control though, but it's the reason why I always describe my bisexuality as "loving boys in a straight way and loving girls in a gay way". I'm a loyal bitch, I'm not gonna be out messing around with random dudes when I have a boyfriend I love more than life itself. Unless he wants to do it together or something, which I'll always be iffy about too until I actually get a boyfriend. The majority of my friends are girls, and a big reason for that is probably because every college group project has paired me up with ONLY GIRLS EVERY TIME, but also because I'm feminine enough (or just friendly?) to give off this sense of relatability to them. None of the straight boy "wyd" npc-ass behavior, I hate it too, I get it. I guess I'm like a gay best friend you can date (or I would be if I wasn't so worried about screwing myself and other people over). When I say that I'm versatile af, I always meant that I have a shiftable personality and have my foot in several different doors hobby-wise. As I've lived a little more, I'm realizing that I really just have my wires crossed all over the place. I don't fit in well with the male or female groups I'm in because I'm never like them enough to fully step into their bubble. The only exception is my family, because they're the ones who passed down all the mental problems I have.

Regardless, this year is going to be a monumental change for me, I'm very glad I started this blog in January because y'all (nobody likes my posts) are going to see a person document their entire life changing from the beginning of the year to the end. And by the end… I don't even know if I'll have a double life anymore.

[hopelessromanticstrawberry]

unboxing sexual trauma part 2–

So I haven’t spoken abt the indirect sexual abuse like, having old men leer at me, being cat called every time I walked to school when I was 8 years old. it was constant, I started to wear boys clothes and didn’t want to be a girl anymore even though I loved pink and cute things and I loved being girly.

The actual direct abuse, alright.

So I had that first bad relationship that ended my freshman year, dated an 18 year old next when I was 15. He was some nerdy music theater guy, stubborn, and prone to insulting — think stereotypical Boston family, like he moved to my city later on in life. We’d play videogames together, but honestly without choir and theater we had virtually nothing in common. But I liked feeling like someone loved me, and he was mean to everyone but me which made me feel special. He also was short, unintimidating, and funny. He wasn’t attractive to me, but I figured I wanted a nice guy who cares about looks didn’t Marge Simpson love Homer? yeah. The damage psychologically was already done. Things ended bc we had no chemistry and I still held out for 3 months of dating, he also saw my severe self harm scars and cried. We broke up shortly after I told him I had some trauma around sex and wanted to take things slow. He told me his last girlfriend cheated on him too. We probably were better off friends anyways, when we kissed it felt like I was kissing a family member on the cheek. Like zero sparks.

I don’t know why I included that ^^^ but im sharing a lifetime of my bullshit right now so bear with me

The next guy I dated was pretty quickly, he’d been an outlier on my big friend group since middle school. I was such a sucker for shojo like anime tropes. He had pined after me for years, given me gifts and always praised me. I thought he looked like a troll. He ended up working out and clearing his acne a little, he grew a little taller (still only like 5’6 but im 5’1) he started dressing a little nicer and being less whiny. He liked anime, I liked anime, he said he liked gaming (but usually I was the one hijacking his Skyrim account and gaming all night bc he didn’t actually game), we both did choir and he conveniently was always around to help. Finally my junior year I was 16, this was the age id always told myself I wanted to lose my v card. I didn’t want to wait too long bc then it would be an even bigger deal, my friends were losing theirs, I didn’t want to be like the weird one. I also started smoking weed and drinking a little bit, starting to go to parties and join social circles more legitimately. I also was more attractive, most everyone forgot the “shitty lay” and “she’s pregnant” rumors from freshman year. People weren’t so mean to me and the popular boys were starting to ask me out, I genuinely thought they were joking I was so defensive and id be a mean bitch. It felt good to be cruel to the people who were cruel to me. Lowkey it’s embarrassing but I gave tsundere vibes and I was proud of it, I felt cool for being one of the only kids smoking weed and id come to school late and stoned every day. One of the people who smoked me up for the first time was abusive ex 2, id originally planned to do all this stuff with a hotter friend but he went to a different school and we couldn’t coordinate. Ugly abusive ex 2 was my chemistry tutor so i had a handful of late FaceTimes and study halls with him. Then abusive ex 2 started to take me on dates, smoke me out, he spent like $50-100 every week taking me out and doing things with me, it was textbook lovebombing but to me I just thought he was trying to impress me after wanting me for so long.

Smugly, I brought up that id wanted to try sex with a friend just to get it out of the way. He was a virgin, I liked that, and he had an objectively bigger dick than I would’ve expected. Still never got much experience to know where it fell on a scale but yeah. I wanted no strings attached. I was the first to give a blowjob, it was kinda weird but not terrible. He came in like 30 seconds. But when it was his turn to go down on me bc he obviously wanted more, he made a stank face when he saw my pussy (an outie) and commented that I didn’t shave (just trimmed) before I could react he jams a finger in roughly, and tries to finger blast me like they do in porn while grossly licking everywhere but the clit. He didn’t like to eat pussy and told me every time after if I asked… I bled and it lasted maybe 3 or 5 minutes before he asked if I came. I said “I don’t know” and shakily got dressed. He reassured me we would learn to have better sex, I felt gross and regretted my choice. But then he doubled down on the gifts, on letting me crash at his house (my home life was chaotic to say the least), always getting me takeout or Starbucks or whatever I asked for every day, he gave me a big chunk of weed in a heart shaped jar and never told me no. My friends started to comment and how romantic it was and how I should give him a chance, he’s a nice guy. We had mid tier oral sex and smoked weed every day after school, I told him I didn’t want to have penetrative sex for a while and he was actually ok with it. When I was drunk on prom night we ended up having penetrative sex, it hurt and sucked and lasted about 1 minute. I felt dirty and weird after. I drunkenly took my makeup off and wondered if everyone enjoyed sex bc I didn’t think I did. I can’t tell you when it turned volatile exactly but he was porn brained, once we started having sex sex he told me about his kinks and we would try them, unsafely with no safe word, no foreplay, no after cuddles. I felt like a sex toy, and by this point id moved in full time because my parents didn’t want me at home. I don’t think I had a real orgasm the entire time, maybe a few times when I didn’t look at his face and fantasized about other men/women. Then he started to like slap me without warning in sex, or choke me incorrectly while my face turned purple. It was like violent things were the only things he could get off too. I felt like I was complacent but curious, I’d explore being “kinky”, is this what that was? We had such frequent aggressive sex, i had such low esteem just to feel desired made me tolerate a lot more than I should’ve. He started calling me a bitch and then the disrespect trickled into our real life as soon as I moved in. He knew I was more or less powerless and I didn’t have the esteem to leave. He would nit pick everything about me, and on top of that he was gross! I would tell him to stop being such a pig and a slob but he just told everyone I was a nag. Him and his alcoholic mom would gang up on me when he and I argued. I remember wanting to leave and every time I did the love bombing would continue, I wanted to be loved so badly… he would have sex with me when I was too fucked up to say yes, he would get off to me crying or gagging or choking, he liked to hit me. He liked anal sex. He liked calling me a bitch and being extremely rough. This was like… my only sex experiences so far. Then the rumors are that im kinky, im daddy issues, im slutty … it didn’t feel good and i felt trapped. I thought i had no other place to turn.

While a lot of those things could be considered sexual coercion rape (like anytime he was horny he expected sex and would threaten to kick me out if I didn’t) the times he actually raped me were terrible.

One time when we had argued at his house and i broke up with him he overpowered me in a physical fight ripped my clothes off and started fucking me, I went numb. Dissociated so hard I stayed the night just staring at the wall. He locked me in his room and wouldn’t let me leave many times, he told everyone I was crazy and left me with very few friends

He asked for anal and I said ok let’s try, he wasn’t gentle and he didn’t stop when I said no or slow down. He just kept fucking me roughly, it was like he got off to me hurting, similarly the first time we did anal the same thing happened except he used tingling lube that made it burn all the worse. My asshole tore and bled every time.

Made me blow him for 40+ minutes until my knees bled from the rough floor

He was having sex with me and I wanted to stop, he choked me until I was losing consciousness and slapped me until my ears were ringing not even hitting my face but the side of my ear. He said it was hot when I cried.

I had taken xanax and fallen asleep in bed, I had taken very strong triple pressed Xanax and it might have been the first time I did it. Although I’ve done xans since and even after a year long break wasn’t this fucked up. Idk if it was laced but anyways. I was out and couldn’t wake up. He started fucking me while I was drugged, I said no no no and tried to push him weakly. It felt like knives in my vagina, I was wet with blood bc I was dry when he started jamming it in. I kept blacking in and out I said no stop no. He came in me. I woke up in a puddle of cum and blood. My shirt was torn my panties missing. I couldn’t believe if it was real I felt like throwing up, dry heaved and nothing came out bc I didn’t eat for days. It hurt to pee, I had to strain. I still have to focus to pee now. Blood was on the tissue paper after. I immediately took a Xanax I couldn’t handle processing what happened, I didn’t have another place to stay for the next 2 weeks. I didn’t want to ask for help. I don’t remember much of that week I was doing so many drugs to numb the pain, he fucked me other times but I didn’t feel it or react. I wasn’t in my own body. I wasn’t even me anymore I was so damaged by the experience. Paralyzed. I ended up dumping him at a coffee shop during winter break, he violently raped me maybe two weeks prior. I’d spent time with my friends and out of state family mentally preparing to dump him. He said it was cool bc he wanted to fuck other girls anyways. I felt dirty and used up. I’d just let this ugly troll man abuse me for years, we were together for 2 years.

A week later I dropped out of school, partied every night, moved into a trap house, started dating my current bf I’ve been with for 6 years now.