#every time I go to instagram which is rarely I just think. what the fuck are you guys even talking about

[couthbbg]

tumblr isn’t even a social media to me it’s the modern equivalent of the neopets chat room by which I mean the only place on the World Wide Web where you can find true love and human connection

[fxstpace]

oh, snap!

summary: you and jake sim might have been best friends once upon a time, but not anymore. now, you barely talk to each other—so you decide to prove the universe wrong when you find out that he’s your soulmate, because there’s no way both of you are compatible.

pairing: jake sim x fem!reader genres: fluff, angst, childhood friends to lovers!au, soulmate!au, college!au word count: 7.0k

↳ warnings: profanity, alcohol consumption, sexual jokes, soulmate lore i made up ↳ a/n: this is a fic i had posted on my now deactivated blog, which i’ve made minor modifications to. thanks for reading!

The universe has to be fucking with you.

You aren’t one to believe in manifestation or the law of attraction or whatever other nonsense your TikTok feed provides you with. You think it’s a total waste of time, energy, and resources. 

Right now, however, you’re manifesting with all your might—eyes screwed tightly shut, hands clasped in front of your chest, only one thought running through your head: Please don’t let it be Jake Sim, please don’t let it be Jake Sim, please don’t let it be—

You open one eye cautiously. You lift up the pinkie finger of your right hand equally carefully. 

Fuck.

You drop your hands and let your head fall onto the desk in front of you. A dull thud echoes around you, and normally, you would be apologetic since you’re at the library, but because you’re wallowing in self-pity you can’t bring yourself to care. A frown mars your forehead. Maybe you’re manifesting wrong. Is that even a thing? Perhaps you should ask your friend Yizhou how to do it; she’s pretty popular on Instagram so surely she’d have some idea. Maybe one of her fellow influencer friends is a manifester. (Is that what they call it?)

You lift your head up and stare morosely at the red thread twined around your little finger. It winds down the floor, swirling and looping in gentle curves. You glare at the person it’s connected to.

Jake Sim, that little piece of shit.

The object of your disdain is seated one table away from yours. He’s hunched over his laptop, occasionally scribbling something into the messy notebook in front of him. His glasses keep slipping down the bridge of his nose, and every time he pushes them back up, you feel a tug on your finger. 

This brings you to the following question: Does he not know you’re his soulmate?

You have three answers. One: He knows, but he doesn’t care. Two: He doesn’t know. Three: He doesn’t care.

The second option is rare but not unheard of. There have been several cases where people vehemently deny the existence of soulmates and refuse to believe in it. Such people never get to see the red thread that is wrapped around their finger, even though it exists. Truthfully, you feel bad for the people on the other side of the thread—the non-believer’s alleged soulmate. They will forever watch from afar, never going too close, but never straying away either. It sounds lonely, more than anything else. 

You push that thought away. If Jake doesn’t know, it should be a good thing, right? You don’t need a soulmate to survive. You can just continue with your life as it is—attending classes, hanging out with your friends… Yeah, you’re happy with everything you have.

Another tug at your pinkie forces out an annoyed huff from your mouth. You glare at the perpetrator, still engrossed in his work. To be fair, you didn’t know Jake was your soulmate until very recently either. You knew the thread existed but didn’t know who it was connected to. When you were younger, you and your friends would have tons of fun pulling at the thread to annoy your unknown soulmate. Getting a pull back was a source of glee for seven-year-old you. Now, it just fills you with dread.

“Oi.” Someone’s breath tickles your ear.

“Fucking hell!” 

You swat at your best friend’s face, successfully smacking his cheek. Taehyun grunts in pain. “Uncalled for.”

“What the fuck, Taehyun?” You grouse. “Don’t scare me like that. Sorry ‘bout your cheek.”

The boy rolls his eyes, sitting down on the chair next to you and dumping his tote bag on the table. “I’d feel better if you actually meant your apology. Also, why aren’t you studying? Our midterms start in a week and staring at Lover Boy isn’t gonna help you pass your classes.”

“Don’t call him that,” you snap. “And I was… studying.”

“Right. That’s exactly why none of your books are open.”

“Shut up, people are staring.”

Taehyun raises his eyebrows but doesn’t comment. You’re not wrong—people are staring. Well, specifically, one person. You flex your little finger a little, straightening it out and then bending it again. If Jake feels any sort of yank, he doesn’t show it. Not that you’re interested, of course. You’re just… observing. So is he, clearly. He peers over his glasses at you both, his expression not betraying anything.

You flinch when Taehyun pinches your side. Turning back to him, you’re ready to yell at him for being an annoying asshole, when he fixes you with a pitying sort of look. You swallow.

“Hey,” he says softly, “don’t overthink, okay? He’s alone right now, you might as well talk to him about this.”

You blink uneasily, eyes flitting between your friend and the unopened book in front of you.

“How long are you gonna avoid him? You’ve been hiding this for months. And… he has a right to know,” Taehyun finishes, flicking a strand of hair out of his eyes.

You swallow again, around the lump in your throat that’s been sitting there for months. You found out that Jake was your soulmate months ago. Yet, you can’t seem to bring yourself to confront him or tell him about it. A far cry from the whole entire concept of soulmates—isn’t he supposed to be your missing puzzle piece? Certainly not, if you’re too nervous to even approach him. The universe must have made a mistake. Whatever higher being exists must have assigned you to the wrong person.

Taehyun is right, though. (You’re not going to admit it to him, of course; there’s no need to boost his already inflated ego.)

Jake Sim does have a right to know that he’s your soulmate. 

You shift uncomfortably. Taehyun drops his gaze with a sigh. “I know you two have a history but can’t you just sort this out?”

“I… can’t,” you say lamely. 

Your best friend looks sadly at you. You look away, fidgeting with the cover of your textbook. Out of the corner of your eye, you see a girl make her way to Jake’s table. He perks up immediately, greeting her with a soft smile. She sits down next to him and grabs Jake’s laptop, angling it towards her like it’s second nature. It probably is, you think bitterly.

Another reason why you can’t tell Jake Sim about this whole Situation: He has a girlfriend.

Park Chaerin meets your eyes and waves at you cheerfully. You wave back, feeling sick to your stomach.

You press the tip of your pen into your notebook, fighting the urge to close your eyes. Even the half-empty cup of coffee next to your laptop has done little to wake you up. Morning classes are the bane of your existence, and as a night owl, you vehemently dislike getting up early. Your professor rattles on about an assignment due in a week. You stifle another yawn behind your hand.

Feeling a yank on your little finger, you press the palm of your hand on the desk and ignore it. Jake Sim is sitting right next to you—courtesy of both of you having arrived five minutes late, and the only seats left were in the last row. Your Friday 8 AM lecture on the Quantum Theory of Electromagnetism is normally interesting, but Professor Jang makes even the most stimulating topics seem dry. You usually end up resorting to self-study sessions in order to understand everything. 

Jake is scribbling something next to you. He’s probably doodling. He used to do that a lot when he was little, too. You recall pages upon pages of maths notes interspersed with tiny drawings of dinosaurs and dragons in the margins. They had made you laugh at the time. 

“Hey,” he whispers.

You blink.

“Hi,” you say.

Jake grins at you—and you’re dazzled, for a moment. It’s been so long since you’ve had that smile of his being directed at you. You’ve seen him smile at other people on campus—his new friends, his girlfriend, acquaintances—all from afar, and you push down the bitter sting of rejection that pricks you every time. After so many months, it feels like you were in a pitch-black room all this time, and someone suddenly turned on the lights. It’s blinding.

Your former friend caps his pen and leans back in his chair. “Did you get enough sleep?”

“Um, yeah,” you answer. Just to be polite, you add, “...Did you?”

“Kind of.” Jake winces.

“Oh.”

“I was trying to understand the topic before this. Y’know—” he meets your eyes expectantly— “the whole Kronig-Penney model and the Bloch function and all that. I spent, like, two hours on them,” he says sheepishly.

“Oh, uh, yeah, those are kinda difficult,” you offer.

You’re still perplexed by this whole situation. Admittedly, after weeks of minimal contact with your childhood best friend, this isn’t how you imagined your reunion would go. All awkwardness aside, however, it feels… nice, talking to him again. It’s hard to move past the last few months, but there’s nothing wrong with this, right? You can think of it as two classmates bonding over a hard course they willingly chose. Two classmates who’ve known each other since they were toddlers just learning to walk, but you deliberately don’t think of that.

Jake hums. “The graphs get super confusing.”

“I guess,” you say. 

He leans forward abruptly, elbows knocking on the edge of the desk. His stare on you is intent, focused. “Is your number still the same?”

You gape at him, mouth open like a blown-out fish. “Uh… yeah. Why?”

“So I can text you if I don’t understand anything,” Jake says simply, easily, still sporting that same easygoing smile of his. Your stomach twists into knots, and you force yourself to appear calm and not like your heart is about to leap out of your throat.

“I think you should’ve asked me first,” you manage to say.

He looks at you strangely, a dip in his eyebrows. “Why would I do that?”

Why, indeed.

Jake has known you for years; this is an undeniable fact. Even now, he probably knows you better than anyone else does—or ever could. So there’s absolutely no way he can’t make sense of the stifling awkwardness that surrounds you both.

However, the same holds true for you: You know Jake Sim just as well as he knows you. You know he’s trying to bridge a gap, make amends in a way only he does. You would be a fool if you didn’t take it in stride.

You crack a small smile. “Fair enough.”

He picks up his pen and twirls it between his fingers idly, before saying, “I’ll text you about other stuff, too.”

“Okay.”

“Great.”

Jake is all smiles and sunshine. He starts doodling again—what looks like a misshapen traffic cone of some sort. You look away, and tuck this little slice of goldenness into your rapidly rabbiting heart. 

This is not good. You pay no heed to the thread around your little finger, and pick up your own pen. Angling your notebook away from your deskmate, you begin to write.

REASONS WHY JAKE SIM CANNOT BE MY SOULMATE FUCK THIS SHIT IM OUT

#1. he doesn’t know you as well as he should (okay, maybe he does)

You have no clue how you ended up studying with Jake Sim and Park Chaerin, of all people.

Your own friends, Kang Taehyun and Kim Gaeul are utterly nonplussed at this new situation. You give them a helpless shrug when they elbow each other and raise their eyebrows at you. The library is fairly empty at this hour, which makes it an ideal time to study without the distractions of other people. Of course, you didn’t consider the two people who’ve decided you’re a physics expert and require your guidance.

You humour them because you’re a nice person—not because you’re weak to Jake’s entreaties and his offer of buying you food for a whole week.

Chaerin smiles at your friends. “Hey, guys! Come join us.”

Taehyun is the first to blink out of his confusion. He moves forward, pulling out the chair opposite yours and settling down. “Thanks. We won’t bother you guys much.”

Gaeul nods her head. “Yeah, I have a bunch of assignments to finish.” She chuckles nervously, smoothing out her hair.

“No problem,” Jake supplies. “Your friend is super smart.”

Taehyun raises his eyebrows, pointing an incredulous finger at you. “You mean…?”

“Hey!” You swing your leg and kick Taehyun’s shin from under the table. He winces in pain. Gaeul giggles, and so does Chaerin. Jake lets out an amused snort.

“Anyway, as I was saying,” you say, “this bit isn’t that important from a test point of view, so just go over it to get the general idea.” You mark the paragraph you were referring to with a pencil.

Chaerin and Jake nod in tandem, like a pair of bobbleheads. You bite your lip to stifle your smile—they’re so perfect together, it’s ridiculous. You wouldn’t be surprised if Jake’s end of the string was connected to Chaerin’s instead. Is that even possible? You’ll have to google it up.

The thought puts a significant damper on your mood, and you turn away, drawing back from the pair sitting next to you. 

Instead, you lock eyes with Taehyun, who’s glaring at you with enough intensity to drill a hole through your forehead. Talk to him, he mouths. You give him a small shake of your head.

You can’t talk to him about anything serious. Explaining physics to him and his girlfriend in the presence of your own best friends is a sort of safe zone; you don’t have to discuss anything personal whatsoever. All you have to do is prattle off a list of formulae and derivations and graphs, and hope that what you’re telling them to study is actually going to be asked on your midterm next week.

Taehyun rolls his eyes so hard, you wonder how they haven’t popped out of their sockets. He’s exasperated, you can tell—and Gaeul has probably been receiving the brunt of it all, because he would never outrightly say he’s upset with you. He would rant to Gaeul instead, trusting that she would tell you everything he told her but more nicely. That’s how your little trio circles back to each other.

You shift uncomfortably. Gaeul catches your eye and gives you a small, sympathetic smile. Your lips twitch upwards slightly.

“Wow,” Chaerin says, “I can’t believe we finished a whole unit in, like, one and a half hours.” She directs the next part to you. “You’re really smart. Don’t listen to Taehyun.”

“Y/N doesn’t listen to me anyway,” your friend grumbles. Gaeul hides her snort behind her styrofoam cup of coffee.

Speaking of which, you could really use some caffeine too. Anything to get away from Jake Sim and his quiet, knowing… aura, is the word you settle for. He wasn’t always this quiet—he used to be loud and raucous when it was just the two of you in high school—so while this new development isn’t surprising, it certainly is jarring.

“I’m going to get some coffee,” you announce to the table at large. “Anyone wanna come with?”

“I’ll come,” Jake says immediately. “I owe you for teaching us.”

“Oh, um.” You attempt to smile. “I—”

“Please go,” Taehyun says suddenly, his tone beseeching. “I need coffee too but I don’t trust Y/N to not put salt in mine or something.”

You gape at him, betrayal flooding your features. Gaeul snorts again. Chaerin just looks at you and Jake alternately. Jake’s lips twitch upwards. “Y/N still does that?”

You whirl around to face him. “What?”

“Oh, this is getting interesting,” Gaeul pipes up. “Do elaborate.”

“I second that,” Chaerin adds. 

You feel your cheeks and the back of your neck heat up. You want to implore your former best friend to keep his pretty mouth shut, but your ego doesn’t let you grovel in front of three other people. Jake raises his eyebrows, lips parting to form a small ‘o’. He smiles, a little bit sheepish. Before he can say anything, you intervene.

“That was one time, Taehyun!” you snap. “And it was by accident. Why would I willingly put salt in your coffee?”

Taehyun raises an eyebrow at you, but inside, you know he’s laughing uncontrollably at your predicament. “Who knows? You might wanna poison me for being cooler than you.”

“What is this, high school? And why the fuck would I want a murder on my hands? I’m too young to go to jail.”

Chaerin tries to muffle her giggles with her hand. Both you and Taehyun turn simultaneously to look at her. “Sorry.” She giggles again. “You two talk like an old married couple.”

“Gross,” you say, at the same time Taehyun draws out an, “Ew,” and extends the last syllable like a child in kindergarten.

“Oh my God,” Gaeul says. “Chaerin, you’re a genius. I see it too.”

“Not you too,” Taehyun groans.

The two begin bickering again, and Chaerin joins them with enthusiasm, adding her own little tidbits of support for Gaeul in between the conversation. During all this, Jake remains remarkably quiet, an amused smile tugging on his lips. 

You turn to him, a rush of sudden embarrassment making your cheeks heat up. It occurs to you that he’s never seen you like this—laughing and joking around with your friends. Friends that don’t include him. “Sorry,” you mumble. “Let’s go get coffee.”

“Okay.” 

You and Jake push your chairs back under the table and exit the library. The coffee shop is two storeys down, so you make a beeline for the staircase. Your former best friend follows you, his undone shoelaces slapping on the tiles. He still doesn’t tie his shoelaces properly, then. Perhaps he hasn’t changed as much as you thought.

“Hey, by the way,” he says, “I was gonna tell Taehyun about the time I put salt in your coffee.”

“...I know.” Your answer is short, clipped. You force your shoulders to relax—there’s no need to tense up when Jake Sim is around.

“Oh. Uh, okay then.” 

You don’t look at him, but you’re fairly certain he’s doing that thing he always does when he’s feeling awkward: A little rub of his thumb against the corner of his mouth. It’s a tic he’s always had, from the time you were in elementary school, and it isn’t any different now.

A stifling silence falls upon you both. You almost wish Taehyun and Gaeul were here, bringing Chaerin with them in tow. The three of them seemed to get along well; the chances of the five of you hanging out outside of college are high, now.

Of course, that also means you and Jake will have to pretend like everything’s alright between you both, and that your decades-long friendship wasn’t shattered by one single argument.

You round the corner to the staircase and begin the descent downwards. Jake holds onto the railing on the other side. Despite everything, you think Jake is the braver one between you two. 

He breaks the silence as easily as he broke your heart, and asks:

“Do you still take your macchiato with two packets of sugar?”

“Yeah,” you say softly.

#2. he wants to be friends again (why?)

You blame Kang Taehyun for this.

Of course he had to forget to pick up the pizza from the local restaurant before coming back to his place. Of course he didn’t check the weather forecast beforehand, and even if he did, of course he didn’t tell you it was going to rain. Of fucking course he asks you to pick up the food for him because your classes only ended at 4 and the get-together to celebrate the end of midterms was at 4:30.

If you had the power, you would curse your best friend to oblivion. You grip your phone in your hand, gritting your teeth and staring down at the screen.

Group Chat: the holy trinity of dumbasses 🤡 [16:12] You: it’s fukcing pouring here and i didnt bring my car [16:12] taehyun (mega asshole 🤬): *Fucking [16:13] You: yeah it’s something you’ve never done before [16:13] You: i have the pizza [16:13] You: come and pick me up or im throwing it in the dustbin. [16:14] gaeul 🤍: u shouldn’t waste food y/n >:( [16:14] taehyun (mega asshole 🤬): You’re making Gaeul cry >:( [16:14] gaeul 🤍: girl what [16:15] You: aw cute [16:15] You: seriously tho [16:16] You: come pick me up [16:17] taehyun (mega asshole 🤬): OK, I’m on my way [16:17] You: FUCKING FINALLY

The plastic bag with all the pizza boxes dangles off your wrist, cutting into your skin. The steps that lead to the inside of the restaurant are slick with rainwater. You open Instagram and scroll through your feed mindlessly, clicking on your classmates’ stories. 

You shiver. Rainy weather always makes the temperature drop by several degrees, and your flimsy jacket isn’t enough to drive away the chill. Forget Taehyun, maybe you should’ve checked the forecast instead. Sometimes (read: most of the time) you can be just as stupid as him. You wonder how Gaeul puts up with the single brain cell you and Taehyun toss between each other like a hot potato.

Honestly, you just want to go somewhere where it’s dry and warm.

Your phone vibrates in your hand, and it takes you a whole minute to comprehend the name that shows up on the caller ID.

Jake Sim.

Why is Jake Sim calling you?

You chew on your lip nervously before swiping your thumb up and accepting his call. Bringing your phone to your ear, you let the plastic bag sway gently. The line is silent for a few seconds, as though neither of you can comprehend the fact that you’re on a call with each other. It makes sense; this is the first time in months he’s calling you.

Finally, Jake’s voice crackles over the speaker. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“I’m outside. Can you see me?”

“I, uh.” You look around quickly. The parking lot in front of you is mostly empty, a good chunk of people having escaped the rain. It’s not hard to make out the solitary figure standing outside a beaten-down Toyota, holding an umbrella aloft. “Yeah, I see you.”

“Oh, good,” he says. “Do you have an umbrella?”

“Nope. Just… pizza.”

Jake makes a noise that sounds like a warbled chuckle. “Okay, I’m coming over there.”

“...Okay.”

For some strange reason, you don’t feel like ending the call. You fumble for something to say, because it’s weird just being on a call with someone you can literally see. The tug on your little finger as he comes closer to you makes a lump form in your throat. You take a deep breath and push it down into your stomach. 

“You haven’t changed your car,” you say lightly.

Jake hums, the sound so familiar it doesn’t even surprise you until you register it. “Can’t afford a new one. Plus, it works decently.”

He strides over to you, and it’s unnecessarily sexy—the way he holds the black umbrella up with one hand and his phone to his ear with the other. You can see the speckles of rain on his grey hoodie where the raindrops bounce off the ends of the umbrella. His hair is swept to the side, lips pink with chapstick. Another yank on your pinkie finger; you clench your fist.

“Please,” you snort. “The last time I was in it, it took twenty minutes to start the engine. That was a year ago, Jake.”

He’s closer now, nearing the steps. His eyes don’t leave yours. They trace over all your features, as though he’s committing you to memory—you, with your tangled hair and tired eye bags, chapped lips and dirty sneakers. You swallow.

He puts his phone down and speaks to you directly. “I think that was the driver’s fault. But don’t worry, I can drive better now.”

You let your hand drop limply to your side. 

“Hi,” Jake says.

“Hi again,” you manage to say.

“Here, let me take that.” He reaches out for the pizza bag, but you don’t give it to him.

“It’s fine. Just… hold up the umbrella and don’t get us wet.”

Jake laughs, a short, bright sound. “I won’t.”

You step towards him, quickly slipping underneath the shelter of the umbrella above your head. It’s a tight fit—one of your shoulders pokes out, as does one of his. You grimace when your sleeve gets splattered with rain.

Jake leads the way to his ancient car, scratched and scuffed with years of use. It was his dad’s old one, a gift for him on his seventeenth birthday, one that his mom had told you about to surprise him with. It seems like a bygone history now.

“I thought Taehyun was gonna come,” you comment.

Jake looks at you strangely. “I thought you asked for me to come pick you up.”

“I… did?” You gasp at the realisation. Kang Taehyun, that fucker. “I’m sorry,” you say awkwardly. “Taehyun probably told you that I was stuck in the rain.”

“He did,” Jake confirms. “Don’t worry ‘bout it. It’s not a problem at all.”

“Oh… okay, then.” Still, you feel guilty. Jake came all the way in the rain just because your best friend couldn’t stop being a meddling little nincompoop.

“Why wouldn’t I come?” Jake continues. His voice sounds deliberately casual. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“...Yeah. I guess.”

Jake stops near his car, fishing around in his pocket for the keys. “Look, I—I know things haven’t been the same lately, but I—” he licks his lips, another nervous tic of his— “I want you to know that I never stopped thinking of you as my best friend. Okay?”

You blink, sucking in a breath sharply. “I, um, yeah. Yeah, okay,” you say lamely.

Jake nods once, not meeting your eyes. “And for what it’s worth, I’m glad you’ve found friends like Gaeul and Taehyun. They’re good people.”

“So is Chaerin,” you say. “And so is Sunghoon.”

“Yeah,” he says, smiling faintly, unlocking the door. “And so are you.”

Sometimes, you wonder if Jake also feels a pull on his little finger. If he does, does he ever wonder where it’s from? Or does he not feel it at all? You bend your finger and shuffle into the passenger side of his car. He closes the door for you before crossing over to the other side and climbing into the driver’s seat.

Whatever the case is, one thing is for sure: Jake Sim is your soulmate, and even if he wasn’t, you’d still be in love with him.

Just like you were one year ago.

#3. his parents adore you (and so do you, but there’s always the yearning and the aching)

“Hey, mom and dad are asking when you’re gonna visit again.”

Jake swings into your periphery, putting his phone back in his pocket. His mom had called about fifteen minutes ago to make plans for Jake to go home over the weekend. Potentially, you could also go—your childhood home is right next to his. It’s been a while since you last visited; your little sister sends you texts about how much she misses you.

He sits down on the chair next to yours, looking at you expectantly. You’re at your favourite spot in the library, one that’s been designated as you and your friends’ table. Jake and Chaerin have been officially integrated into your tiny trio; Gaeul and Chaerin get along really well, and Taehyun and Jake follow the same sports teams. Occasionally, their other friend, Park Sunghoon, joins you but he’s very quiet and mostly keeps to himself.

You don’t look up from your laptop screen when you answer, “I’m not sure.”

“Huh. Mom says you’ve said that to your mom every time she asks.”

Things between you and Jake have reached a semblance of normalcy, too. It’s not the same as it used to be—it can never be the same as it used to be—but at least the pang you feel in your chest whenever he talks to you has dulled somewhat. 

“I’ve been busy,” you say vaguely. 

“Oh, c’mon,” Jake retorts. “Our midterms were over a week ago. What’re you waiting for?”

You don’t reply. He waits for a moment before saying, “I could drive you.”

That gets your full attention. Your gaze snaps to him, mouth pressed together. 

“I mean, we literally live right next to each other, Y/N,” he continues. “It’ll save gas. And the environment.”

You snort. “Your car is more of a hazard to the environment than us not carpooling is.”

“You don’t know how to drive,” he deadpans.

“That’s not true! I can drive, I just choose not to. Saving the environment and all.” You point an accusing finger at him. “If you really care about the environment, you should take the bus home with me.”

Jake shrugs loosely. “I don’t care how we go home, as long as you come with me. I’m sure your sister misses you too.”

There it is again: That easy, light way he says things. Nonchalant and unaffected—though it affects you more than it should.

“You’ll pay for the tickets?” 

Jake’s grin is golden. “If that’s what it takes.”

That’s how you find yourself crammed in between Jake Sim and an old auntie with a flower-patterned bandana, on the bus back to your hometown three days later. The auntie gives you and Jake a few cookies she’d packed for her grandchildren, and then promptly falls asleep on your shoulder (Jake couldn’t stop laughing for ten minutes when he saw the line of drool she’d left on your shirt sleeve). He offers you his own shoulder in case you want to sleep too; your cheeks heat up at the thought. It’s a bumpy ride, but after stopping at the bus stop nearest to your house, Flower Auntie sends you off with a few more cookies and a box of homemade kimchi, and you and Jake begin walking back to your neighbourhood.

Some things have changed—the playground is being renovated, your old elementary school is being repainted, the Kims who owned the local ramen shop retired and set the place up for rent. But at its heart, it’s all the same, you think. Kids still run around holding warm bungeoppang from street stalls and cartons of strawberry milk from the convenience store. Their mothers sit around and gossip about celebrities and complain about their husbands. People working corporate jobs curse under their breaths about their bosses and their unforgiving schedules. It’s late in the evening when you arrive, a bag containing all of Flower Auntie’s goodies hanging off Jake’s arm. All the local eateries are opening up for the dinner rush, drawing people in with the offer of free beer and soju for every meal purchased. 

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Jake says, a fond smile on his lips.

“Yeah,” you agree softly.

Despite everything, it’s still home.

The two of you cross the streets to your houses, sneakers slapping against the pavement. Several neighbours who’ve seen you both grow up call out and wave hello. You’re stopped by Mrs. Lee’s son, Heeseung, who makes you both promise to go out for dinner with him tomorrow. 

Finally, you stand in front of your childhood home. The rusted door and peeling-off paint greets you like a best friend. You shoulder your backpack and ring the doorbell, saying goodbye to Jake as he walks into his own house.

The door swings open—only to reveal Mrs. Sim standing at your doorway. Before you can voice your confusion, she pulls you into a tight hug, mumbling your name into your hair.

“Welcome home,” she says, moving aside and letting you in. “Your mother is in the kitchen. She’s just started making dinner.”

“Oh, okay.” You grin. “It’s great to see you, Mrs. Sim.”

“I swear you love Y/N more than me.”

You turn around and see Jake standing by the door, an affectionate look in his eyes. You direct your grin at him, too.

“Suck it up, loser.”

Jake’s guffaw rings in your ears even when your sister screams with unabashed joy as soon as she sees you.

#4. he broke your heart once (he could do it again)

You stare at the red thread wrapped around your finger. It’s dulled a bit now, compared to how it was a few years ago. Some of its shine is lost; it looks more opaque now. You crook your finger experimentally, knowing it's futile but still holding on to some hope that maybe Jake will feel it too.

To live for the hope of it all, as a wise song-writer once penned.

You startle when Jake sets a mug of coffee in front of you. His house is empty—your mother and Mrs. Sim went to buy groceries together and his father is out of the city on a business trip. Your sister is hanging out with her friends but told you to call her if you needed anything.

“Here you go,” Jake says, sitting down on the chair next to you. “Have some and then we can go buy some hangover soup.”

“Thanks,” you mumble, curling your fingers around the mug and savouring its warmth. The liquid inside is not too bitter, but not too sweet either—just how you like it.

“Feeling any better?”

You wince. Going out for dinner with Heeseung meant drinks were also attached. Being back in your hometown after weeks meant you had to check out all your favourite restaurants again and visit the ones that popped up after you left for college. The result: You swallowed down entirely too much soju, Heeseung and Jake had to physically carry you home, your head is killing you right now, and your embarrassment is at its peak.

When you woke up in the early afternoon to texts from your family members detailing their various absences, you reluctantly made your way out of your bedroom and to the Sims’ place. 

Which brings you here, perched on a chair at the Sims’ dining table, fiddling with your red string of fate, while the object of your thoughts sits right next to you.

“Yeah, a little,” you murmur in response to his question.

“Good.” Jake stretches his arms above his head, exposing a sliver of his midriff. You swallow. “Your alcohol tolerance is still the same.”

“Yours isn’t any better,” you counter. “You didn’t drink more than one bottle of soju.”

He raises an eyebrow. “You were counting?”

You huff, ignoring the warmth that spreads to your cheeks. “That’s not the point.”

“I’m just joking,” he says, bringing his hands back down. “I was kinda surprised Heeseung has a girlfriend now.”

You hum, taking another sip of your drink. Your head still pounds, but the caffeine is kicking in and making you more lively. It is strange, though, seeing your childhood friend settle down. Judging by the way he talks about her, he’s completely smitten. She’s my soulmate, he had said, and I don’t even believe in my thread.

The memory makes hurt bubble up inside your throat, so you chug the remaining liquid in the mug.

“It’s nice, though,” Jake continues, something… wistful crossing his face. “I wish I had someone like that.”

You look away, staring down at the ring of coffee left on the wooden table from your mug. “Yeah, I guess… Aren’t you dating Chaerin, though?”

You bite the bullet—what’s the point, anyway? There’s no use in dragging it out. Not when he clearly doesn’t know that his soulmate is sitting right next to him. You can deal with the hurt that comes with rejection later.

Jake stills. You glance at him—he tilts his head confusedly. “Chaerin? No… What makes you think that?”

“Everyone said you guys were dating,” you say with a small, uncertain shrug. 

“I mean…” He blinks. “We hooked up once, but that’s really it.”

It’s your turn to blink now, bemused. “Huh?”

“Yeah, we were drunk and it just sorta happened? I dunno,” he says sheepishly. “We didn’t remember any of it later, so we just agreed to remain friends. Plus, her soulmate is Sunghoon.”

“Wait, what?” Your teeth worry your bottom lip. Your mind is swirling with questions—was it possible that you had misread Jake Sim all this time?

“Yeah,” he says softly. “It’s no big deal.”

“...Oh. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed things,” you apologise quietly. Despite all this, his words make a swell of optimism rise in your chest.

He shrugs. “I, uh, wouldn’t blame you. We didn’t talk much after… after everything.”

“Yeah.” Your admission is soft, regret burning a hole in your tongue.

“So, um…” Jake trails off, looking unsure of himself. That’s a first, you realise with a start. He’s usually so calm and collected, even in the worst times. “Do you still feel the same as you did a year ago?”

You suck in a breath. “Why—why would you ask me something like that?”

“I—just curious.”

His eyes land on yours, beseeching and glorious. Even when he’s just woken up, he looks like he’s been dipped in the sun’s golden rays. Your heart hammers inside your chest.

“Wait, can I ask you something else? Why… did you reject me that night?”

As soon as the words leave your mouth, you’re transported back to that fateful evening in July.

You stuttered the words out, and explained that you were in love with him, that you were pretty sure he was your soulmate, regardless of who your string was actually connected to. With every new sentence you tacked on, the emotion on Jake’s face vanished. Towards the end, you felt your face crumble.

He left you alone on the pavement, broken-hearted and lovesick.

Jake clears his throat awkwardly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come off so harsh on you that day.”

“I don’t care about that, Jake,” you say simply. “I just want to know why.”

“Because I was stupid. I didn’t believe in the soulmate bullshit, but I know you do. You’ve always been a hopeless romantic. I—” He licks his lips before continuing— “The truth is, Y/N, I really, really like you… But I didn’t want to hold you back from finding your true soulmate—whoever was on the other side of your string—’cause I know they’re gonna be the one for you.”

If you weren’t sitting already, you’re sure Jake’s confession would have swept you off your feet and you would be a bumbling mess on his dining room floor. Seeing the forlorn look on his face, you nearly crumble. How stupid your soulmate is. How kind and caring and selfless. 

“So I rejected you. I thought I wouldn’t be able to make you happy.” He pauses for a moment, his voice dropping. “It’s still the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.”

You finally find your voice. “Jake…”

He laughs somberly. “You probably think I’m an asshole.”

“I could never think that,” you say firmly. Your hand finds his on the tabletop, and he laces your fingers together, staring at your connected palms with awe.

“I do think you’re a little bit dumb, because I’ve liked you too since, like, forever—”

“Define forever,” he interrupts, not unkindly.

“Well—maybe since the time you surprised me with all the physical copies of that book series I wanted for my fifteenth birthday?”

“Then,” he says, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand, “I’ve loved you since before forever.”

A surprised laugh bursts out of your mouth. You feel a tug on your little finger as Jake moves his hand away from yours and cups your cheek with it instead. “I’ve also wanted to kiss you since before forever.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he confirms, drawing closer to you.

You lean forward and capture his lips with yours, running your tongue along his bottom lip. He parts his mouth with a sigh, tilting his head and deepening the kiss. His other free hand comes to rest on the nape of your neck; you wind your arms around his neck. The position is a bit cumbersome—the edge of the chair digs into your thigh, and he nearly knocks his elbow on the back of his chair—but his touch is searing hot, the welcome kind, the kind that makes you crave more and more and more.

“You promise you won’t do it again?” you ask later, out of breath and flushed.

“I promise,” he says, and he links his pinkie finger with yours to seal the deal.

The thread tied around it glows golden.

#5. he doesn’t even believe in soulmates (but he’ll try)

“You can’t see it?”

“I’ve told you a million times already,” Jake says patiently, “but I can’t.”

“How?” You look at him dubiously. “It’s literally a glowing golden thread connecting you and me.”

“I don’t need a thread to connect us,” your boyfriend quips. “I can think of better uses for a rope.”

You make a sound of disgust. “We’re at the library.”

Jake Sim grins at you, all bright and shining and vivid. “So?”

Taehyun lets out a pointed cough, typing on his laptop. “There are other people here,” he says, motioning to Gaeul, Chaerin and Sunghoon. All three of them are very obviously avoiding your gaze. Even the tips of Taehyun’s ears are pink. You stifle a giggle.

“Sorry,” Jake says, not sounding sorry at all. He picks up your hand again, thumb brushing against the knuckle of your little finger, right above the knot where the golden string is tied. He whispers to you, next, “I just don’t believe in it.”

“I know,” you say. “But you’re missing out on a lot.”

Jake hums. “I don’t believe in soulmates. But I believe in you.”

You roll your eyes, ready to chew him out for being a sappy romantic again, when his next words make your heart stutter.

“I think that’s good enough for me.”

[marrycv]

Pick up your phone!

paring : toxic!ellie x toxic!reader

warnings : Mention of weed, alcohol. Ellie’s punishment with sex. Mention of nudes. Oral (e!receiving), fingering (r!reveiving). Language, nicknames such as : slut, doll, angel, baby, bitch, motherfocker (and others). mention of yn like twice. Mention of cheating and lying and many other bad things 😅. Ellie and reader are NOT healthy, do not romanticize their relationship, its fucked up. Porn w out plot? (kinda). Both reader and ellie are mean and does fucked up shit. 18+

summary : You wait Ellie again. she’s late for 4 hours and she wants to make it up to you. But you didn’t want to fall in her arms this time- which you obviously lost at trying to do. Ellie’s mad and has a punishment for you when she was in the wrong, and you had every right to be mad at her.

kinda a scrap this is bad 🙏

short asf

you :

00:12 - Ellie, where are you?

00:34 - Ellie istg answer me!!

1:02 - c’mon you said you’d come over today

Els 🖕🏻:

1:55 - im omw

1:57 - dont bother.

2:01 - im sorry im late

2:01 - you’re always sorry, dont come home and go fuck one of your stupid fangirls

2:02 - im coming over

2:02 - i said no

2:03 - c’mon lemme make it up to you 💋

2:05 - im gonna block you

2:32 - yn? !message not delivered!

“fuck” Ellie mumbled under her breath, going out of the studio and jumps in her Truck. going over speed’s limit and then knocking hard enough on your apartment to wake up everyone else in the combo.

you get up from your bed, unable to sleep due to waiting for her all night.

you open your door and when you see Ellie standing in front of it, smelling weed and alcohol, you know she wasn’t gonna be easy to deal with tonight.

“Ellie go home, its 3 in the morning…”

“cmon let me in baby” she said in a whisper, almost sounding like a whine.

You and Ellie’s relationship was complicated- that was what you were saying to your friends, because the amount of time you two broke up, that she cheated on you, that you would expose her nudes on internet, that she would sleep with a stranger just to piss you off and somehow you’d still let her come back in your arms- as she did the same with you. you would do shitty things as well, like saying to all of her fans that the concert was cancelled or that it changed location. you could also post on twitter her worse secrets when you learned that she cheated on you. you’d also make up lies about some random stuff just to get a revenge out of her.

but mostly she would just fuck up your trust for her like coming home 4 hours later or cheating on the infinite amount of girls. she’d also love bomb you to get you back and then would disappear for weeks. she also showed all of her band’s member the sextape she got of you- and you knew after Dina, the base player told it to you. You and ellie would randomly call eachothers- especially when she or you were under something, most likely weed or alcohol but sometimes something else. It wasnt rare that you would make her jealous and posting a story of you and a girl on instagram and she’d come over to fuck you dumb. only to wake up alone in the bed.

“ellie please i just wanna sleep tonight, no fight.”

“and please i just wanna say sorry, no fight.” Ellie answered, thinking she was a smart girl for this one

you rolled your eyes.

“are you even able to walk?” you asked her, seeing her flushed cheeks and her eyes red like hell

“of course i am baby, im okay.. please let me just make it up to you im so sorry im late”

“no youre not! because you wouldve told me you’d come home late or you wouldve just told me that you were busy!!!”

“im so sorry..” she says in a childish tone, just as if she was mocking you for being so mad.

“fuck off els”

Ellie rolled her eyes and made her way inside, taking steps closer to you.

“dont talk to me like that.” Ellie says, looking right into your eyes- mood changing suddenly, she didnt get the answer she wanted.

“you dont show up 4 hours late, bitch”

Ellie’s jaw tightened and she looked at you furiously

“tell me you just wanted to fuck me Ellie.”

“dont you ever call me ‘bitch’ again.”

“or what? you’re gonna leave? that already happened, i can survive it.”

“nah.. im gonna give you a lesson.”

“the fuck you mean?”

“get on your knees” Ellie said, tone demanding.

“i wont do shit you ask me to do Ellie.” you say scared of what she’s gonna ask you to do. you have some suspicions, but your mind is overthinking about so many possibilities.

Ellie puts her hands on your shoulders and force you to get you on your knees. She looks at you from down and she takes off her pants along with her boxers.

“you know what to do now.” Ellie tells you, intertwining her fingers with your hair, pulling you closer to her pussy. You start to give her short licks, obviously nothing enough for her.

“I swear to god you motherfucker if you dont do what-“

Ellie started but got cut off with one of her whines by you sucking her clit like your life depended on it. Your knees hurts, but her grip in your hair is too strong for you to move. your holding her by the thighs, moaning against her cunt by how good she tastes. obviously pussydrunk by her. and the perfect little grunts she would make made you so fucking wet. her hips would be jerking against your face, riding your tongue the best she could to chase your high. Ellie would never tell you, but you ever were the only one to make her cum. she knew that it would make your ego so much too high if she told you that on countless girls you were the only one able to please her. you know her sweet spots and she wasnt scared to be vulnerable with you. she always was. and you always were too.

“Fuck- fuck.. just like that, yeah”

her grunts would turn into whines and her whines into small moans. Ellie wasnt that much of a loud girl, but you knew if she was vocal- it was good. it made you laugh, sending vibrations through her clit.

“Im gonna- fuckkk!!” she moans out as she cums in your mouth. you still suck her clit as she rides your tongue for her high to be longer.

you get up from your knees and ellie kisses you, tasting herself on your tongue. the kiss turns rapidly messy and rough. Ellie would hold you by the hips, directing you by the bed. as soon as you touched the bed, she made you lay down on it and she got on top of you, still making out with you. her kisses got on your jaw until your neck. she then took a pause to look at you. you were eye doying her- she would always win. you were her little slut.

“only needed my” puts a finger into your core “fingers to shut that attitude huh?”

she takes off your shirt- which you were braless under it. peaking already your tits, ellie titled her head, smirking

“you got ready for me, doll?”

you nodded, wanting more of her.

“nuh huh, words baby, i want words.” she told you as the sucked one of your nipples as one of her hand was massaging the other breast. as her other hand was working on your clit to make you feel sooo good.

“j-just for you els!” you obey to her request, only wanting her to go faster.

“faster el- faster!!” you try to manage to tell her.

“faster huh?” Ellie says as she just slows her pace of her fingers brushing against that sweet spot of yours.

“please ellie!!” you beg for her to go faster as she just slows down again and again.

“i didnt say you’d get a good time Baby, this is your punishment, as deserved.”

“please.. ill be good Ellie- never gonna be m-mean with you ever” you faked promised her, just needed to tell her whatever she wanted to hear.

“yeah? you’d do this for me, angel?” Ellie asks as shes at only one finger, completely ruining you. completely making you cry for more- needing more.

“id do anything- just please fuck me ellie, fuck me.”

-

2 days after this huge mistake. You and Ellie started to do this kind of thing all the time. She’d piss you off, you’d be mad, she’d become madder for something she made you mad at- and would finish as sex. the only way you two did work out with.

she made you feel so good and you made her feel better.

This was unhealthy, but she was so addictive.

she’d come home in the middle of the night- wouldnt care if you were deep asleep or had a party- she’d take care of that pussy no matter what. Her songs would be about you two relationships.

Everyone liked it.

and you were happy you had such a big impact that she wrote- and sang about you.

But she didnt see you that pretty- you were her fucking toy.

14:01 : why the fuck did you say that i was toxic in your song?

15:56 : because you are.

15:59 : fuck you els

16:01 : you wish <3

16:01 : you’re the toxic one in our relationship

16:30 : 💀💀 hell nah

16:31 : Ellie how many times did you cheat on me?

17:23 : babe, we were on break how many times do i get to tell you that?

17:23 : anyways i gtg ill see you tonight ;)

She wasnt easy and you werent either.

but whatever, she has become way more famous than ever.

she’d send you those pictures before a show, trying to make you come to one (which you did but didnt tell her).

“does that feel good els?” you say as your face was in between her thighs, on your knees just like how she loved you like that.

“fuck babe dont stop!!” Ellie would tell you into a soft tone, not so much like that little ‘dominant’ cover she’s making everyone believe she was. she was always the one screaming your name over and over.

she then would make you see heaven with her cock filling you up, camera in one hand and the other one on your breast. She’d look at it all the time, rolling circles on her clit whenever she missed you and you blocked her so she couldnt ask you for any nudes- she has better, she could literally see you in action getting fucked by her.

she loved you, that was why she was so fucked up at showing it.

and you just were getting revenge for how she made you feel.

But in a way you two belonged together.

But she’d still use you for your amazing body and how good your tongue felt against her cunt.

you were her little stress reliever. (you’d let her do whatever she wanted to you- you’d just never tell her that)

request are open 💋

[lottins-only]

I love you, it's ruining my life | Part IV

pairing: Kylian x black!fem!Reader

word count: 6.2k

part one, part two, part three

A/N: as always, please let me know what you think in my inbox <3 Like this post if you'd like to be added to my taglist.

IV. Summer 2023 through Spring 2024

July 2023

“Tic Tac!” The man on the TV had wide, and quite frankly, manic-looking eyes. “Tic Tac!”

Kylian quickly grabbed the remote and turned the TV off, releasing a sigh of relief at the ensuing silence. It was all noise these days, the minute he turned on the TV, or opened Twitter and Instagram, or even glanced at a newspaper. His name in big bold capital letters, in a headline that almost always contained the words “leaving” or “staying”. Everyone wanted to know. The paparazzi stalked his every move, yelling out the million dollar question to him any chance they got – “Kylian, are you leaving PSG?”  as if he’d respond to them. People on twitter tracked his flights, trying to see if any of the planes he boarded were headed to Madrid. Self- proclaimed insider journalists went viral on social media with their ‘scoops’, causing a flurry of conversation, and depending on which day it was and which side you were on, either joy or sadness. Turtle emojis haunted his dreams, and now, thanks to the Spanish TV channel he’d accidentally come across, so would the words ‘tic tac’.

He was a good sport about it, most times. But at times it was all too much. Like today. He’d spent the majority of it in a meeting with his mother and legal team, discussing  PSG negotiation strategies. Then he’d come home to take an afternoon nap, only to be woken up by his lawyer calling him to deliver the news: PSG had frozen him out of the first team. He’d proceeded to go to his living room and open the TV,  mindlessly scrolling through the channels, happy to not just think for a couple of minutes, to let the disbelief and anger marinate inside him until he could express it at a later time . But that was all gone when he happened upon the Tic Tac man, who apparently hosted a show that was dedicated to the Mbappe - Real Madrid Saga. Now it was back to stressing about his present, and his future. 

Truthfully, everything had started unraveling the day he’d royally fucked everything up with Y/N, back in December. The heartbreak he’d felt had been unlike anything he’d ever experienced before, so all encompassing that it had left him at a loss of equilibrium. It shook him to his core.  He didn’t just lose the girl he loved, he lost his best friend too.  He’d decided to pour everything he had into football, and he’d quite literally been rewarded for it when he’d become PSG’s top goalscorer. He felt happiness he hadn’t felt in a long while when he stood there in the stadium that evening, thousands cheering him on as he held up the trophy. But then all of it had dissipated back in his apartment, his friends and family gone after a night of celebration,  the golden 201 staring at him from his trophy cabinet. What good was any of it if he couldn’t call and share his joy  with the person who mattered to him the most? He’d felt incredibly lonely then, more lonely than when he was just 14 alone in the Monaco academy for the very first time.  Y/N had left a big, wide hole in his life, and no matter how he tried to forget it, it was still there. 

His phone, which he had  carelessly tossed across the couch, started to vibrate. It was his mother, probably calling to check on him, maybe offer some words of comfort. He ignored it. He didn’t want to speak to anyone at the moment; He didn’t have the energy to pretend he was ok, , to feign acceptance of his uncertain future and Y/N’s absence from his life. Instead, he headed to the fridge and grabbed a rare beer. He wasn’t going to be playing  professional football anytime soon , so who cared how much carbs he consumed? 

He watched his phone continue to vibrate as he took a gulp of beer. It periodically flashed different names: his parents, his brothers, his sister in law,  Tchaga. He was happy to ignore all of them in favor of wallowing in his sadness. It went on like that for an hour or so, his phone occasionally lighting up with someone calling as he sunk deeper into his misery. Then, a name appeared on the screen that made him almost choke on his beer.

He quickly grabbed the phone and answered. “Hello?” 

 “Hi” Y/N’s voice was tentative, almost shy. “Are you okay, Kylian?”

“Yeah” He managed to keep his voice steady. “Yeah, I’m okay”

“Are you sure?” her voice was tinted with concern. “It’s all over the news here. Plus, your mom is worried, said you’re not picking up your phone” 

He winced. “ Don’t mind her, It's probably all the stress from the negotiations taking a toll”

“And you?”

“And me what?” he asked.

“Is it taking a toll on you?” She clarified

“No, I’m good” he said defensively. “I’m great, actually”

His beer bottle that had been teetering on the edge of his coffee table suddenly tumbled down and crashed to the floor. 

He cursed. “Sorry, my beer just went everywhere…” 

“Beer?” She sounded surprised. “You don’t drink beer. Especially so close to the season starting”

He sighed. “Y/N, we haven’t spoken in more than 6 months. Since you fucking broke my heart, mind you. I don’t think you can confidently say you know me anymore”

“Harsh” She replied. “But maybe deserved”

He heard shuffling at the other end, and the unmistakable sound of a cat’s meow. “Is that a cat?” he asked.

“Yup. I adopted one about a month ago” she replied. “Her name is Luna”

He snorted. “Half the cats in the world are named Luna. Couldn’t you be a little original?”

“Shut up” She chuckled, then paused. “And I still know you well, by the way”

“Mmm?” He was searching for a broom and dustpan to clean up the beer bottle mess. He couldn’t find them anywhere. He was shamefully clueless about this stuff, seeing as he had a cleaning person come take care of things  like that. 

“Yeah. I can bet my salary you’re looking for something to clean up your mess with but you can’t find it” The sound of her giggle made his heart skip a beat. 

Kylian smiled in spite of himself and muttered “Fuck you” under his breath.

He finally found the broom and dustpan. 

“You know what else I can bet?” Her tone softened, turned more serious. “I can bet that the Kylian I know wouldn’t let this type of stuff get to him. No matter what pressure he’s put under, no matter what they say. He’d just let his football speak for itself”

“Yeah well, they’re not even letting me play football. That’s the issue. It’s either renew my contract  or I won't play a single minute this season. And that’s a problem, Y/N. Because if I don’t play, then It means I start getting out of form. And I can’t have that. There’s too much on the line. The Euros next summer, and then maybe the Olympics…” He’d swooped up all the broken glass carefully and was now wiping the excess beer. “I don’t want to disappoint anyone”

“What about… What about here?” 

He knew ‘here’ meant Madrid, but the way she said it made it sound like ‘here’ was more personal. For a moment he imagined a world where they were together, a world where he’d be able to find solace with her – in her city, her apartment, her bed. He quickly dismissed that thought before it could hurt him.

“I want to finish my PSG contract first” It was a line that almost felt robotic the number of times he uttered it to the press, but it was still true.

“In any case, I don’t think you should worry too much, Kylian. You have great lawyers, great people behind you. They’ll figure it out” Her voice was comforting, and for the first time, he believed those words that had been told to him by friends and family countless times. 

The door to his apartment rattled just then, and he cringed. The timing couldn’t be worse. He disposed of the glass as he heard the door unlock from the other side, and then the sound of clicking heels approaching. 

“Kyky, are you okay?” She asked, just as she came into view. “You didn’t pick up when I called”

She saw that he was on the phone, and Kylian was about to open his mouth to explain when she whispered “Is that Fayza?”

He didn’t know what possessed him to lie, but he did. He nodded a yes. 

She gave an understanding nod, before motioning that she was headed towards his bedroom.  Kylian watched as she went up the stairs, overnight bag in one hand and the sound of her heels echoing. 

A brief silence, and then, “Who was that?” from the other end of the phone. 

“You remember Sophia from Monaco? She lives in Paris now” Why did it feel like he was delivering bad news? She was the one that had left him heartbroken. “And we’re dating”

“Dating dating or are you still just hooking up?” Her voice was unreadable. 

“No, we’re dating. Shocker, but I’m actually capable of being in a relationship”

“Why did she move to Paris?” She ignored his pointed jab. “What does she even do now?”

“She’s a model” 

She snorted. “ There it is”

He frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That’s your usual type, no?” 

He rolled his eyes. “Not really. My type was you. Just you.  You thought I was using you for sex, though. That’s why we didn’t work out right?”

“Well—”

“But yeah, she is a model” He ignored her, not wanting to prod his own open wound.  “Not all of us can be super smart, saving people’s lives…”

“I don’t save lives” She pointed out. “At least not directly. I’m in nonprofit work, remember?”

He did remember. He knew everything about her, admired and cherished every single detail. Yet, she wasn’t his. He’d gotten close; those 10 days after his birthday were the best of his life. But she ran away. And maybe it was his fault. It was a thought that haunted him till this day. Maybe I should have been more forward. Told her how I felt. Told her I love you.

He cleared his throat. “You know, we’re doing an event next week for the kids in my foundation. About getting into STEM fields.”

“I know” She responded. “I’m going to be there”

“What?” He couldn’t hide his surprise. 

“Yeah, your mom invited me. I’m going to be one of the speakers” She sounded amused that he didn’t know.

“Oh… I guess I’ll see you then”

“Yeah, I’ll see you” she said quietly. 

There was a brief silence, and Kylian thought it was the appropriate  time to wrap the conversation up. Any other time and they’d spend minutes in comfortable silence, speaking only when they felt like it, and on things that ranged from random to deep. But this was the first time they were speaking in months, and there was another girl waiting for him upstairs. 

“Thank you for calling. For calming me down. You’re very talented at that ” He let out a sad laugh.

“Of course. I’m always your friend, Kylian. No matter what” She said it with so much conviction it almost made up for everything else. 

He thought she was going to add something else, but she didn’t. They said their goodbyes and hung up the phone.

October 2023 

The second time they spoke on the phone, he was on a flight back from a game. It was a loss, and no one was happy, so there was a muted atmosphere on the plane. Despite that, the adrenaline still running through his veins prevented him from falling asleep. He kept awake, fidgeting in his seat, trying to fend off the thoughts that usually assailed him after a loss. Could’ve made that pass. Should’ve scored that goal. 

He decided to distract himself. He pressed play on the latest episode of his favorite show, but he couldn’t concentrate. He contemplated playing a game, but he didn't want to think. Next to him, Dembele was softly snoring. He instinctively reached for his phone, and before even thinking about it, called Y/N. 

She picked up almost instantly. “Hello?” Her groggy voice made him realize it was well past midnight in Madrid.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was so late. We can –”

“It’s fine, it’s fine” Her voice was soft. “What’s up?”

He looked out at the night sky through the small airplane window. “Nothing, nothing. Just couldn’t sleep, and thought I’d try and talk to someone” 

She chuckled. “Well, you’re in luck, because I’ve been sitting at my desk for the past hour trying to study. You caught me just when I started to doze off”

“Study for what?” He kept his voice low to not wake his neighbor. “I thought you were done with all of that”

“Decided I have one more degree in me” She said. “I started a masters program”

“Wow. So you’re juggling classes, your job, and being a mom to Luna” He tsked jokingly. “That’s a lot on your plate”

“Tell me about it” She yawned. “I’m fully embracing the cat lady stereotype these days”

“What, no guys hitting you up?” He kept his tone teasing, but he was very curious.

“Don’t have time, is all” She responded. “I barely leave the apartment during the weekends… I barely even see friends”

He frowned, imagining her cooped up in her tiny apartment all alone, straining her eyes by poring over her books. Neglecting herself. “Y/N, you work so hard, don’t forget to take care of yourself”

“I’m managing” Her tone was soft but strained. His frown deepened. How had he not noticed the deep tiredness in her voice until now?

“So, what are you doing this weekend?” She asked, clearly trying to change the subject. “Any plans with Sophia?”

“Well, we have two days off, so I was thinking–” A lightbulb flickered inside his head. “I’m actually going to be in Madrid”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah” He lied. “ I’ve got a Nike photoshoot”

“So, I’ll get to see you right?”

“Yes, of course. You’ll have to text me your address and stuff and I’ll come by..”

She didn’t express any excitement, and he didn’t blame her. He felt nervous himself,  seeing as this would be their first meeting alone since December. He’d come up with the idea on the spot, lying about a photoshoot,  because something in her voice was off. He wanted to see her, to check on her. Plus, he missed her. 

He texted his assistant to arrange a flight and a hotel to Madrid before the plane even landed in Paris. He rushed back to his apartment just to shower and to pack a bag, then he was once again on a plane, making his way to Y/N. 

By morning, he was in sunny Madrid. By mid-morning, his driver was taking him to Y/N’s apartment. His heart was beating out of his chest as he knocked on her door. A few seconds, and it opened. And there she was. 

He was struck by a sense of longing, the heartache he’d felt all those months compounded tenfold at the sight of her. He couldn’t dwell on that, though, because the longing immediately gave way to a wave of concern. She looked exhausted, her curls frazzled and dark circles visible on her tired face. Despite this, she smiled at him wordlessly and let him inside. 

Her apartment was a reflection of her current state – chaotic and disheveled. Papers and books were scattered across surfaces, take-out boxes on the floor. 

“Sorry about the mess, I got swept away with work” She shrugged at him in embarrassment as he cleared away papers on the sofa to take a seat.

“No worries” he said, looking around her apartment. This was his first time in her living space.

“Do you want me to get you anything? Water?” She asked, just as a blob of gray fur suddenly flew across the room from nowhere and leaped at him.

“ Ow!” Kylian exclaimed as the cat’s claw made contact with his face. He looked down at it with a disapproving look.“ You must be Luna. Thanks for that”

Luna meowed at him contentedly from her perch on his lap. Y/N chuckled, but her laugh quickly turned into a yawn.

He scratched Luna’s ears and gave Y/N a serious look. “ You need to sleep. Now” 

“But I�� 

“No buts. You need rest” He said firmly “ You go take a nap, I’ll chill with Luna”

“ But you just got here!”

“ We have the whole weekend to hang out”

She frowned. “ You came here for work though”

He ignored her comment. “Just go sleep,Y/N”

With a resigned sigh, she made way to the bedroom. 

He looked back at Luna, then at the messy apartment. A former coach of his had once told him a person’s living space was a reflection of their mental state. He sighed at the British shorthair. “Let’s get to work Luna”

He started by gathering the books and papers, carefully arranging them so they were all in the right place. Next, He cleared away all the trash and disposed of it. He wiped all the surfaces of the living room and kitchen, restoring some sense of order. Luna trailed after him all throughout his cleaning, rubbing her head against his leg once in a while.

After some contemplation, he decided to take the risk and walk to the grocery store across from her apartment building.  Thankfully, the store clerk didn’t recognize him in his cap and sunglasses so he got his shopping done without any hassle. Back in the apartment, he replaced the wilted flowers on her kitchen table with the fresh ones he’d gotten, then put away the groceries he’d picked up. 

He’d never cooked a meal in his entire life, but he figured he’d be able to follow a recipe. So he pulled up youtube and searched up a simple pasta recipe. It took him longer than he’d anticipated, but by the time Y/N woke up, there was a steaming home cooked meal waiting for her on the kitchen table.

She broke into a giggle as soon as she walked out of her bedroom, her eyes lighting up in delight. “You did all this?”

He raised his arms up in mock triumph. “I’m not a completely useless human being outside of football, you know”

“Never said you were” She took a seat by the kitchen table, eagerly stabbing a fork through her pasta.

He watched her take a bite, a grin spreading across his face as she gave him an approving thumbs up. Nothing he loved more than validation from Y/N.

He plated up some for himself, and they ate in companionable silence. Afterwards, Y/N insisted on cleaning up and he didn’t protest, seeing as doing the dishes had always been his least favorite chore ever since he was a kid. He watched her move around the kitchen, already sensing less tension in her after the nap and meal. 

When dusk rolled around, he turned to her and grinned. “Time for you to show me your city”. And so they set off, him dressed modestly in just a T-shirt , sweatpants, a cap and pair of sunglasses not to attract attention and her in a pretty yellow sundress. This was his first time venturing outside without a bodyguard in years, and he was sure his mother would have a heart attack if she found out, but he didn’t tell Y/N; he wanted her to feel completely at ease. As they walked, she pointed out some of her favorite things about the city: the mix of historic and contemporary architecture, and the street art. He listened attentively, though his anxiety was growing. It would take only one person to notice him for word to spread around and a mob to form. Then he could do little to protect Y/N or himself. 

She must have sensed his worry, because shortly after she pulled him into one of the less crowded cafes. They took a seat outside, his back facing the streets. He watched her people watch, the setting sun casting golden hues over her face. She’d gotten a scoop of ice cream while he was sipping on peach iced tea. 

“You know, I hate to complain, but sometimes I wish it was easier” His tone was heavy. “Whenever I’m outside, it feels like I’m always on guard. ” He turned and looked wistfully at the bustling street.

“On the bright side, you’re living your dream” She reminded him with a sympathetic look. “Not many people can say that”

He nodded in agreement, then paused. “Do you think, you and I,  if there wasn’t all of this”–He gestured vaguely at himself – “would we have worked out?”

She raised her eyebrows at him, clearly surprised at his question. “I don't – Kylian, I–”

He interrupted her, snorting bitterly. “Remember when you basically told me I’m a fuckboy athlete using you for sex?”

“We don’t need to talk about that now, Kylian” She looked down at her ice cream.

“No, I think we do” He said firmly. “Do you know how much you hurt me?”

She looked up at him. “ Kylian… I’ve seen the pictures, heard the stories. Plus the way you behaved during our…situationship or whatever you call it.  You can’t fault me for thinking that way”

“What do you mean the way I behaved?” He laughed bitterly. “ You were the only person I was seeing.  Holding hands, kissing, I’ve never done that in public before with anyone else.  All because I was proud you were mine… at least I thought you were going to be mine.”

“Well that’s the issue, Kylian. You never told me any of that. I was hurt.. I thought I was just a temporary distraction to you” She said quietly. “I thought you were throwing away our friendship just for sex”

He was hurt that that was the way she viewed him. But he hadn’t led her to believe otherwise, had he? He’d never entertained the idea of a relationship with anyone before her simply because he’d never liked someone so much before her. And so most of his late teen years and early twenties had been spent in a cycle of casual flings, never letting anyone get too close. He could see why she’d thought that way.

“Y/N, I never meant to make you feel like that,” he said, his voice earnest. “I’ve never been in a place where I cared about someone as much as I care about you. Maybe I didn’t show it right, but it was never just about a fling for me.”

“It doesn’t matter anyway, though” She continued, locking eyes with him. “We have two completely different lifestyles… it would never work” She said the last part quietly, as if it was a painful truth she would’ve rather be false.

“So your answer is yes?” He tried to hide the pain in his voice.

“What?”

“The answer to my original question, about my career being in the way, it’s yes right?”

She slowly nodded. He nodded back, a silent acceptance passing between them. Perhaps she was right; they lived in different countries, worked two completely different jobs. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. He had Sophia– who lived in the same city as him, who ran in the same circles, who had no problem throwing herself into his world. That should have consoled him, but he couldn’t help but feel that this would be the ‘what if’ that haunted him forever. 

She reached out and took his hand. “But Kylian, your friendship means the world to me. I want that forever.  I mean look at me, I was on the verge of collapse before you visited. Thank you, by the way” She added, giggling self-deprecatingly. 

He managed a small, bittersweet smile. His phone rang just then, and Y/N snatched her hand back when she saw the caller ID on his phone. It was Sophia, wanting to know how his photoshoot was going. He weaved a web of half-truths while Y/N looked down, playing with her ice cream.

By the time he hung up, the sun had completely set and the bustling street outside was bathed in street lights. He’d drunk the last of his iced tea while Y/N spooned the final bits of her ice cream. He found himself watching, mesmerized as her tongue peeked out of her mouth to lick her spoon. Her tongue darted out again to swipe the remaining ice cream from her plump lips.  His mouth slightly gaped as she closed her eyes, letting out a  soft moan of satisfaction. “That was really good” She said as he moved his eyes away and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Even after the painful conversation they’d had, she was capable of getting his blood flowing to all the wrong places in his body. He didn’t know if it was pathetic or funny. 

He cleared his throat. “Let’s head back, shall we?”

February 2024

“Look this way, you two!” The photographer shouted over the loud chatter. Kylian had slowly grown irritated throughout the night; first it was the itchy jacket that clung to him, then the seemingly endless stream of people coming up to him asking for pictures, and now it was this nosy photographer trying to get a snap that he could sell to the tabloids. He knew he was hired by Tchaga to document the opening of his new business, so he tried to keep a polite facade. “No thanks,” He said. “We’re good”

The photographer moved along, clearly disappointed. Next to him, Y/N gave him a playful pout. “You don’t want  pictures with me?”

He rolled his eyes at her. “You know why”

She smirked at him as she took a sip of her drink. “Can’t help it if people think I’m hot”

A few weeks ago, a video of Y/N speaking at his foundation event back in July had resurfaced online and gained traction on Twitter and Tiktok. People were commenting on the ‘insane chemistry’ between her and Kylian, and how they looked like the perfect match. Up until then, Y/N had been able to maintain her anonymity; she was never photographed with Kylian or seen out with him. She’d always joked about making her public debut in his documentary fifty years from now, where she’d recount embarrassing stories from his childhood. But that video going viral meant she’d had hundreds of thousands of people camping out on her Instagram page, convinced she was his latest love interest. A few tabloid articles soon followed the social media buzz, lighting up even more speculation online.  The irony of  all of that happening just  as they finally moved past their short lived romance was not lost on Kylian. 

Though she hadn’t mentioned it, he knew she wasn’t taking this invasion of her  privacy lightly. He felt a pang of guilt,  especially since this wasn’t the expected outcome when she’d volunteered to speak to the kids. So he overcompensated sometimes, like in this instance, to make sure no photos of them leaked online or on tabloids to fuel further gossip. 

He watched her open her email app for the third time at night, anxiously refreshing it to see if there were any new messages in her inbox.

 “Stop that” He snatched the phone out of her hand.  

“Give me–” She started protesting, but he’d already replaced her empty hand with another drink.

“You need to relax, they’ll get back to you when they get back to you” He said.

She sighed, nodding hesitantly. She’d come to Paris for a job interview with a company she’d been impressed by for a while. She wasn’t very stressed before the interview, saying she’d rather stay at her job in Madrid anyway, but no one likes facing rejection. As a result, she kept checking her phone for updates while in the middle of the party,  which she’d been able to attend because it had coincided with the day of the job interview. 

They watched as Tchaga made a speech, Kylian clapping proudly for his best friend. Y/N left shortly after he cut the ribbon, citing exhaustion. Kylian offered his driver to take her home but she declined, so he walked  her out of the party and waited for her Uber with her. 

“Where’s Sophia tonight?” She asked, shivering slightly in the cold evening air.

“Oh, we broke up” He said casually, shedding his jacket and holding it up for her.

“What?” Her eyes widened in surprise as she turned around, letting him drape the jacket over her shoulders. “I didn’t know that”

He shrugged. “ It wasn’t working out. We wanted different things”

“And what were those?”

“She..” He paused, measuring his words. “ She wanted to be more public. And I didn’t want that”

It was more than that. She’d started posting photos of inside his house, which Kylian had expressed his discomfort at. She didn’t understand where he was coming from though, didn’t understand that as someone who was in the public eye from a very young age he placed a high value on his privacy. Then it was calling photographers whenever they were out together– at events,  restaurants, you name it. He’d always known that being her boyfriend increased her profile in the modeling world, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that she was in the entire relationship just for the spotlight. So, he’d called it quits. Her reaction had confirmed his suspicions – he’d seen pictures of her out and about with an A list actor just a few days after their break up.

“I’m sorry, Kyky” She gave him a hug, wrapping her arms around his torso. He rested his chin on the top of her head, fighting the urge to kiss her wind frazzled curls.

“You haven’t called me that in a long time” 

“ Just wanted to reclaim the nickname I gave you, now that she’s out of your life”  She grumbled.

Kylian chuckled, feeling slightly satisfied by the jealous undertone in her voice.Y/N had still never met Sophia but she always overheard her call him Kyky over  the phone. It was true that she was the one who’d come up with the nickname when they were younger. He liked that she was possessive over him; over a part of him, at least.

They said their goodbyes after a few moments, and he watched her uber speed away. He only went back inside when the car turned the corner and disappeared. 

Inside the party, he mingled with friends of friends and other acquaintances. An hour or so went by before it was just his inner circle left. He stood around with Ethan, his father, and Tchaga, chatting about the week’s football and other random tidbits. 

Ethan pointed at the small beard on his chin, laughing.  “You’re still growing that out? We told you it sucks” 

Him and Tchaga had teased him mercilessly about it last time he’d grown it out, saying it was tacky. He’d quickly shaved after that.

“Oh, Y/N said she liked it so I just kept it” He shrugged.

“You’d probably wear clown shoes if she told you they looked good”  His father muttered quietly.

Ethan and Tchaga burst into laughter, while Kylian’s face flushed. Seeing his son's embarrassment, Wilfried quickly corrected himself.

“What I meant to say,” he said, raising his hands in mock surrender, “is that you clearly value her opinion more than anyone else’s.”

“Which is great” Tchaga added “If you both weren’t running away from your feelings”

Kylian groaned.

“It’s never going to work out” He automatically repeated the words she’d said to him, the same words he said to himself during sleepless nights.

His father squeezed his shoulder and looked him in the eye. “To me, it just seems like you’re both scared. Maybe take a leap of faith. It’s obvious you two care about each other a lot… If you don’t give it a shot, you’re going to regret it. Trust me”

You’re going to regret it. Wasn’t he already? Deep down, he knew there was no one else for him besides her. Anyone else he kissed, slept with, dated, or even had a fleeting connection with was just second best. No one knew him like she did, no one else had his heart in the palm of their hand. If he didn’t tell her now, then they’d start drifting apart. Separate futures.  Separate lives with different families and different partners. A life of misery is what awaited him.

He sighed. He knew what to do.

April 2024

Kylian had arrived in Madrid on that April morning  with two missions; First to sign the most important contract of his professional career so far, then to tell his best friend he was in love with her. The first part was straightforward; himself and his group of lawyers had met Real Madrid’s lawyers, signed the papers, and sealed the deal. Just like that, the most dramatic football transfer saga of the decade came to an end. 

The second one he’d been more nervous for. He’d tried to come up with a script, something romantic like in the movies. But it felt disingenuous, so he decided he’d make it up as we went along.  Hey, I know you said we’re never going to work out, but we’re going to be living in the same city soon so why don’t we give it a try? Nah, that was too simple. He needed to come up with something better.

He met her at her apartment in the evening, leaving behind his mother and the rest of the team who’d come along for the contract signing.

“He’s off to see his girlfriend now” His mother had announced to the table when he excused himself after their late lunch. 

He’d flinched at the term and whispered, “She’s not my girlfriend”

“Oh, really?” She shot him a look that could melt steel.  “And why is that?” 

He opened his mouth, but she cut him off. “Don’t even start with the ‘I don’t have time’ excuse . You two  can spare 2 hours a day to talk on the phone, so you clearly do have the time”

He didn’t respond, just gave her a small smile. Being called out by both parents for unresolved feelings wasn’t for the weak.  Hopefully, he'd give her good news by the next day. 

Now, he was in Y/N’s living room, waiting for her to finish getting ready before they went out to dinner. After contemplating how he’d talk to her about it, he’d decided dinner was the best option so he’d proposed the idea that they go out for a nice meal.  He entertained himself by playing with Luna as he waited for her, watching the cat run around the apartment leaving chaos in her wake. 

He looked up when he heard the sound of heels.  Y/N emerged out of her room, looking beautiful in a white dress that hugged her figure gracefully. It was knee length, sleeveless and was complemented by a pair of tall white heels. Almost involuntarily, his gaze wandered up her legs, admiring the way the white of her dress contrasted with her brown skin. His eyes traced the curve of her hips – he’d once had the privilege of laying his hands on them, but now he could only stare longingly.

She cleared her throat and his eyes immediately darted away. She had an amused look on her face, clearly aware of where his thoughts had been. He just smirked back in response, as if to say “sue me”.

“You look beautiful” He said quietly.

“Thank you” She said. She was glowing more than usual, the happiness on her face evident. 

“You look really happy” He noted, smiling at her. “It suits you”

“Well, it’s because I got that job I told you about!” She squealed in excitement. 

His smile faltered. “What?”

“I was going to tell you over dinner, but I couldn’t wait” She shrugged happily, her delight evident.

“Wow” He was well and truly speechless. “Congratulations”

“Thank you” She beamed at him.

“So, you’ll be moving?” He dreaded the answer to that question.

She nodded in affirmation. “I’m really excited”

He thought about the cruel coincidences that had followed them for years; She left Paris as soon as he came back to Paris, and now she was leaving Madrid to Paris just as he was leaving Paris to come to Madrid. It felt like a cosmic joke from the universe, a message that they were never meant to be. The thing he wanted most in the world at the tip of his fingers, now gone. He felt tears prick his eyes but he blinked them away. 

“Kylian, are you okay?” Y/N gave him a concerned look.

He put on his best fake smile, the one he reserved for journalists. “Yeah, I’m fine. Come on, let’s go celebrate”

tags: @kyliansonlygf @ynkfreeastheocean @scottishthistle @user6373738 @lucysantos6-blog @tuliptopiasstuff @kennasutopia @cinderellawithashoe @akiracim @kymb-10 @germanapples @ariesmai

[dabiscrispypp]

Red Wine

Art credits: akynoctua on Instagram

Diluc is a dom in this one, sorry for the misleading pic.

When your boyfriend Diluc makes a new batch of wine with a local flower the creation of an aphrodisiac occurs, leaving the two of you breathless after testing it.

Cw: creampie, drunk sex, experimental sex, choking, rough fucking, edging, squirting, fairly tame for me, Diluc x fem reader

It was a normal night, and you were closing up the tavern with your boyfriend as he was experimenting with new drinks for the menu. He had found a new flower to produce wine with and had Albedo do a few experiments with it to make sure it was safe and edible for production. It had passed most of the tests. All it needed was to be tasted. Now here you sit at the bar, both testing the drinks, and to your surprise, it tasted amazing, even Diluc enjoyed it, and Diluc didn’t enjoy any alcohol. So you continued drinking, light blushes forming on your face as you finish your first and second drinks, getting fairly drunk in the process, which once again was not usual for Diluc. Which is why you were so surprised when he set his final glass down, red in the face, and walks around the bar to pull you in for a passionate kiss, hands roaming your body as he presses himself against you.

Now, Diluc was a wonderful, passionate lover. But it was almost always your job to make the first move. He was a quiet and reserved man and was quite shy with his way of showing physical affection. He would hold your hand or kiss your cheek, but he rarely showed his affections in this way. It surprised you, but you lean in and kiss him back, trying not to scare him off. When he pulls away he’s red in the face and panting “sorry I don’t know what came over me…” you giggle at him lightly, feeling quite drunk yourself “you don’t have to apologize for wanting to kiss your girlfriend…” you reach and grab his shirt, pulling him in for another kiss and wrapping your legs around his waist. You hadn’t realized it before, but as your legs keep him from pulling away, you notice he is hard. You get butterflies in your stomach as you realize you’re also quite horny. “Diluc…” you hum softly as he kisses your neck lightly, leaving a few marks in the process, pulling on his hair tie and running your hands through his hair.

You were sharing a rather intimate moment when Albedo bursts in, face red, neck littered with marks. You pull apart embarrassed, Diluc sitting down and doing his best to hide his raging hard on. “Kaeya and I were testing some of the wine you made. It’s an aphrodisiac when consumed so… don’t give that to the general public.” You both eye his hickies and burst out laughing “that… explains a lot” you motion to the empty bottle on the table. "Sorry about that. I was trying to warn you before you drank any... looks like I was a bit too late" “looks like you were a bit preoccupied is what I think” Diluc rolls his eyes. “Perhaps. I'll leave you to it… I’m gonna go now.” Albedo leaves hastily and Diluc moves to lock up behind him. “Sorry I thought I had locked up before… must of had a bit too much wine.” He grins sheepishly. “Just get over here and finish what you started.” You smile and motion for him. With confidence you would never expect from him he walks over and grabs you, picking you up and setting you on the bar. “Might as well savor every moment of this…” he kisses you again, pulling you close as you lean down to meet his lips. He picks up where he left off smoothly, kissing you on the neck, this time sliding a hand underneath your shirt, groping at you as he bites your neck. He lifts your shirt over your head watching as your hair cascades around you like a halo. “Fuck… I can never get over how pretty you are…” he slips your panties down as well but leaves our skirt and your bra on, he’s impatient after all. He eyes you up and down before biting the tip of one of his gloves, pulling it off before reaching down to push a finger into you slowly.

“Diluc…” you sigh leaning your head back as he fingers you slowly on the bar. He slides another finger in, curling them in you as he takes his other one off and palms himself through his pants. It felt so much more intense than normal, the haze of the wine in your system clouding your mind until all you could think of is how badly you wanted his dick inside you and how good everything felt. Diluc picks up the pace, long slender fingers hitting every spot just right until you cum all over them. He pulls out slowly and unbuckles his pants stripping down a few layers till he’s in nothing but an undershirt. “Are you good or do you need more of a warm up?” Diluc usually took his sweet time fingering you and going down on you until you were shaking with pleasure. He had to if he ever wanted to fit. You had been with a few other guys before, but no one was as big as Diluc. No one stretched you open so much it hurt no matter how much warming up you had done, no once else ever slammed into your cervix even when using small and shallow thrusts. Sometimes he would fuck your thighs for hours, waiting for you to tell him it was okay to bully himself into your tight pussy. He did not truly fit you, but you made it fit eventually. “Ye-yeah I’m good” he nods as he grabs your waist, slinging you over his shoulders effortlessly, walking to one of his spare bedrooms for when he stays in mondstat over the dawn winery. By the time he throws you on the bed he's too impatient to close and lock the door... in fact you don't think he actually locked the door after Albedo left. "Diluc the door..." he flips you over on your stomach and lines the tip of his dick up to you "I don't care about the door right now... I'm gonna make you cum so much they'll hear you in dawn winery anyways" you gasp as he slides into you with ease. "I wanna hear you baby... don't hold back" "fuck! Keep talking like that diluc..." you weren't use to him being so rough or vulgar in the bedroom but the wetness between your thighs proves how much your enjoying it. "You like it when I talk like this?" He seems genuinely taken aback for a second before asking "do you like it when I'm rough with you?" You moan as he picks up the pace "yes diluc!" He gets the hint, grabbing your arms and pinning you down, ramming into you faster. "Tell me how much you like feeling my cock ram deep inside you, I can feel you squeezing me already... are you going to cum?" Your so close as you moan, intoxicated and feeling amazing. "Use your words... tell me how badly you want to cum." "Diluc I'm so close I'm gonna cum I'm gonna-" you grip the sheets so close before he speaks up "no. You're not allowed to cum yet." You gasp in shock as you try your best not to, he's never edged you before and right now he was making it very hard to obey that command. "Diluc please-" "Not yet." You whimper as he continues to tease you. You feel his hand wrap around your throat and experimentally squeeze, continuing when you whimper in approval. He squeezes your neck tightly as he whispers "now you can cum sweetheart." Tears well up in your eyes as you cum all over his cock, gasping for air as he lets go of your throat and grips your hips roughly.

"That was fucking hot" you moan out as he picks up the pace even more, the sounds of skin against skin loud in the room as he fucks you like an animal in heat. Desperate groans escaping his throat as his hips falter. "Cum inside me darling." Your voice wavers as he pounds into you "I want you to cum inside me." He moans surprised at your request, but who was he to refuse such a sweet request. He kisses the back of your shoulder, relaxing his grip on you a bit as he savors the feeling of your warm pussy, clenching around him so tightly as he cums deep inside you, keeping hold of his feverishly fast pace. Your drooling at how good it feels when his warm cum fills you up his pace practically has you struggling to breath. "Fuck maybe we should keep the recipe for that wine" Diluc laughs as he slows down a bit, taking his time to flip you on your back before, sliding himself into you again. He slowly slides in and out of you, surveying your face, a little bit of cum leaking out of him again as he sees your expression. Red faced, panting, baby hairs sticking to your forehead slightly, makeup smudged down your face as tears flow down your face. Fuck he felt bad for getting harder at the look of you crying, though he knew from your encouraging words that you were not uncomfortable. "Diluc..." you hum content and put your hands over his as he slowly continues to fuck you. "I'm still hard... so as long as your okay I'm not done fucking you." You nod in agreement with him "Use your words. Do you want me to keep fucking you." He stops, tip hovering against your wet pussy. "Yes diluc! Don't stop." You beg not prepared for him to immediately start slamming into you, moaning way louder than you intended to. "Your gonna have to wait to cum again can you do that?" You nod as you let his fuck you like your his own personal sex toy. "Good girl" he whispers in your ears, grining as he feels your pussy flutter slightly at the words. He reaches down, thumb rubbing your clit so nicely, making your orgasm build rapidly. You can't cum already but everything feels like your about to explode, pleasure running down every vein as diluc leans down and presses a lip to your nipple, sucking ever so lightly and adding another layer of pleasure. "Diluc I can't hold it any-" "I didn't say you could cum yet." He reaches up with his spare hand, closing it around your throat again as he continues to ravage you. You cry underneath him not sure how much longer you can wait, every thing he was doing right now was so right in every way, you were shaking with pleasure under him. Diluc squeezes harder, grinning as if like hitting a switch, you squirt all over his chest, the loudest moan you could muster ripped from your throat as you cum harder that you ever had before.

Content with the mess he had made of you, he grips your thighs, pushing them up and ramming into your g spot as he cums inside you again. Filling you up like you've never been before he stays inside you still, catching his breath as he cums inside you until he is drained. Pulling out and watching contently as it leaks out of your pussy, running a finger up your leg and guiding it back inside you, slipping two of them inside you. "I'm sorry... I just couldn't stop myself" you whimper red faced and ashamed that you made such a big mess. "It's okay sweetheart. I did that on purpose, I was just seeing how long it would take before you couldn't hold it in anymore" he grins and takes his hand out, slipping his fingers past your lips and making you suck off his cum. "Your so mean to me" you pout, not so secretly living this extra rough side to him. "You fucking loved it, you squirted all over my chest like the fucking whore you really are." He grins as you blush deeply, loving the dirty talk. "We are definitely keeping that wine" you breath out and laugh a bit. "Definitely. Now let me get you a towel."

[chelseachilly]

THIS LOVE - chapter six | i wish you would come back

pairing: ben chilwell x reader

rating: T

word count: 1.8k

summary: ben's in ibiza with his friends, and he can't stop thinking about you...he just needs a little help figuring out why

A/N: long time no see! it's been a crazy few weeks - i moved, then i got sick, then work got super busy - so i'm sorry i haven't had time to update! i'm going on a little holiday this weekend so i wanted to get this out before i did 🩵 i hope you enjoy the switch up to ben's pov ;) xx

previous chapter | view all chapters

-

Ben should be feeling like he’s on top of the world. He’s staying at a luxury villa in Ibiza with his best mates, coming off a big win and a goal for his country. He’s young, healthy, and successful. He should be enjoying life at the moment.

Instead, he just feels like shit.

He’s felt like shit from the moment you walked away from him at Wembley, declaring the end of your fake relationship. It felt like a knife to the gut when you left him standing there, unaware of what he did wrong, wanting so badly to chase after you but knowing he shouldn’t. 

He sat through an entire, agonizingly long dinner full of people celebrating and congratulating him on the goal, and all he wanted was to pull out his phone and call you to make sure you were okay. 

The next morning, Mason, Harvey, Tom and Woody practically dragged him to the airport and onto the private plane they’d booked weeks ago. It’s a rare week off for both Ben and Mason, so they wanted to make the most of it. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

In the past, a boys week in Ibiza was his idea of paradise. It meant days spent poolside catching up with the lads and relaxing before returning to his busy schedule. And the nights were usually dedicated to going to some swanky club and leaving with a hot girl.

This time, it’s been three days of their five-day holiday, and Ben hasn’t left the villa once. He’s been sulking in his bedroom half the time, and generally bringing down the mood even when he tries to force himself to have fun with the boys. 

He’s sent you a few texts to no response, and he would’ve been genuinely concerned for your safety if it weren’t for the fact that he could still see your Instagram stories - specifically one of you out drinking with some coworkers, including a good-looking guy apparently named Matt, who Ben may or may not have stalked on social media. The bastard - who Ben’s never met - may only have three photos, none of which are particularly offensive, but Ben knows for a fact he doesn’t deserve you.

The morning of the fourth day, he comes out of his room around ten looking for something to eat for breakfast, which he’s slept through every other morning so far, and is instead served with what can only be described as an intervention. 

All the guys are sat around the table, drinking coffee and staring him down as he trudges out in just his boxers - perks of a lads trip - still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. 

“You need to tell us what happened with you and Y/N,” Tom says firmly as soon as Ben sits down at the table and pours himself a cup of coffee.

He just groans and takes a long sip before answering. It’s way too early for this.

“I already told you, I kissed her in front of the cameras, then she got weird and ran off,” Ben repeats the exact same brief recap he gave them on the flight here. “I followed her out and she said she couldn’t pretend to date me anymore and that she needed space.”

“Yeah, we know that part,” Harvey says. “And I get that you’re disappointed she’s bailing on the PR thing-“

“I don’t give a fuck about that,” Ben interrupts, a bit dramatically clanking his mug down on the table. “Look, I’m sorry I’m bringing down the holiday vibe, but my best friend isn’t returning my calls and I’m worried about her.”

Although most of the people at this table could make a case for being Ben’s best friend, and under better circumstances would probably joke offense at his statement, there’s nothing but silence. They all know what you mean to Ben, the place that you occupy in his life and in his heart. It’s…different.

“She’s fine, mate,” Mason says softly after a minute. He’s always the calm, level-headed one in these situations, and although Ben is typically grateful for his presence, he feels white hot rage within himself right now. 

“You talked to her?”

“She texted me back yesterday and said she’s alright and she’s just taking a beat,” Mason responds, speaking carefully as if he’s afraid of saying too much. “Look, I know you feel shitty because you and Y/N got into a fight and she’s not talking to you. But have you thought about why she might have ended this thing?”

Ben runs a hand over his face. “I told you, Mase, I have no bloody idea-“

“Just think about it, Ben,” Tom chimes in. “She agreed to be your fake girlfriend, basically giving up any chance of having her own dating life during that time. Then she gets upset and bails right after you kissed her for show, in front of a bunch of people?”

Ben’s chest tightens as he realizes what his friends are implying, but he immediately shakes his head. It’s ridiculous. There’s no way you, his best friend, have feelings for him.

“No,” he says simply. “That’s not…she doesn’t…she would’ve said something.”

“Why would she?” Harvey asks, raising an eyebrow. “It’s not like you’ve told her.”

Everyone goes silent again as all eyes fall on Ben, who just nearly choked on his coffee as he processed Harvey’s words. 

“What are you-I’m not-“

“Mate, I say this because I care about you,” Harvey continues. “You need to get your head out of your arse and just admit that you’re in love with her already.”

Of course he loves you. His best friend since the age of six, his rock, his favourite person on the planet. He’s loved you since before he knew what love was.

Except he can’t be in love with you, because that kind of love ends. He’s seen it end, when his parents got divorced and when his friends have had devastating breakups. He’s seen people fall in love and fall out just as quickly. And that can’t be you and him. He can’t lose you.

“Harvey, it’s not like that,” Ben says quietly. “She’s…Y/N. She’s my best friend.”

“Yeah, but she’s always been more than that, hasn’t she?” Mason says. “I mean, the bond between you guys, it’s not like what you have with any of us, right?”

“Well, no, but-“

“When I first met you I thought you were already dating her,” Nathan admits. “I told Mase I’d never seen a guy so whipped and when he told me you weren’t together, I was shocked.”

“And you’ve hated all of her boyfriends,” Tom adds. “Even the nice ones.”

“They’ve all been dickheads,” Ben replies, though he knows that’s not entirely true.

“You two have always been more than friends,” Mason continues. “I love you, bro, but she literally took weeks off work to take care of you after you did your ACL. She moved in with you and drove you to every physio appointment until you were on your feet again. And then last year when you realized you were gonna be out for the World Cup and you felt like shit, she was the only person you would talk to. I think that’s when I knew for sure how you felt about her.”

Ben still remembers that night like it was yesterday - he was in the treatment room at Stamford Bridge, icing his leg, already knowing tomorrow’s scans would confirm what he felt the moment he landed wrong, and he was so upset about missing Qatar that he barely spoke when the coach and some of his teammates came to see him. And then he heard your voice in the hall, grilling the medical team to ensure he was receiving proper care, and he smiled for the first time since he limped off the pitch that night. 

You ran in, pushing past Mason to wrap Ben up in a tight hug and tell him everything would be okay, and despite how terrible things were at the moment, he felt so at peace in your arms.

“Mason’s right,” Tom says sincerely. “And it’s probably why none of these girls you hook up with feel right. You’ve already got your heart somewhere else.”

Ben feels his head spinning as he replays every meaningless one night stand he’s had, how something had always been missing.

He thinks about how it feels when he sees you in the stands at the Bridge, especially when you’re wearing his kit, and the way just seeing you gives him the confidence to be a better player. 

And, more importantly, how you make him a better person - how he’s constantly in awe of your career and how you help people, how it inspires him to try to do more to make the world a better place. How you’ve turned down expensive Christmas and birthday gifts from him every year and directed him to a charity worth donating to instead. 

He thinks about how you’ve stood by his side all these years, even when he was a cocky kid coming up in the Premier League and when he’s been a bit of a dick, you’ve always kept him from straying too far from himself. Through all the injuries, through every win and loss, you’ve been there. 

He thinks about how you literally agreed to this ridiculous, elaborate PR scheme just because he asked you to, sacrificing your own free time and privacy to help him out. 

Finally, he thinks about how right it’s felt pretending to be your boyfriend. It’s been almost second nature holding your hand and telling people how wonderful you are. It felt as easy as breathing to kiss you, and though he knows he shouldn’t have done it in a room full of people, he can’t bring himself to regret it. Kissing you was pretty much the best moment of his life, which means seeing you walk away from him on the verge of tears minutes later was probably the worst. 

But while he’s been beating himself up this entire holiday over the fact that he kissed you and the fact that he dragged you into this fake relationship, he now realizes that wasn’t his mistake.

The issue is that he should have done it a long time ago, and it should’ve been for real. 

“Shit,” Ben mutters under his breath. “I’m in love with Y/N.”

“Finally, he admits it!” Harvey grins, patting Ben on the back firmly. 

The rest of the boys grin and chime in with their agreement, but Ben is already rising from the table and pulling up flights on his phone.

“Where you going, mate?” Mason asks with a smug grin on his face.

“Home, I don’t want to wait until tomorrow,” Ben says with a nervous smile. “Wish me luck, boys.”

As he begins to jog back to his bedroom so he can quickly pack and get to the airport in time for the next flight, he hears Harvey call out from the kitchen.

“Don’t forget trousers!”

-

a/n: and off he goes!! sorry for the slight cliffhanger but i hope you guys liked this one, as you can imagine i'm very excited to share the next (and last, except for the epilogue) part and am already working on it!! let me know what you thought of ben's pov and any predictions for the ending! tag list: @captainwans​ @amandaaa1025 @bbygrlllllll @ncentic​@lunamelona @kathb59 @cinderellawithashoe @batmansb1tch @myheartgoesvroom @chillymountsjess @babygirlbenji @delicateearthquakellama @joyfullyswimmingface @xxenia14 @chaotic-taco-collector-blog @chilwellspulisic @maraudersmap123 @evelinapurmale @freekoalakryptonite (let me know if you would like to be added or if i missed you!)

[toomuchracket]

Matty on your Instagram story like ‘hey guys I know I said it’s a new era and I’m not using Instagram, but I just needed to tell you something… which is why my missus is letting me do this’ and then he says something about tour or albums or something.

yeah like could he use the official band account? absolutely. but he doesn't, because since matty deactivated and the boys had a little break from shows it's been you who everyone's been relying on for updates. like, you'll continue to post the same kinda things you did before - couple pics kind of as and when, very chill, and the odd pic of matty in a photodump - and when you do q&a's and people inevitably ask about matty you post a pic from your camera roll of him squishing your face and caption it "matty is absolutely fine but since he quit the shitposting he has been spending his time PESTERING ME and being a PAIN IN THE ARSE" lol. OH and maybe you do like a fun thing on your story every so often where you take like cryptid-style pics of him - his head peeking round a door, his arm in the background of one of your mirror selfies etc - and say "rare trumanblack sighting at 11am today" or some shit. basically, the fans keep up with you to keep up with him, so using your account is the best way for matty to directly address a lot of them at one time. what he doesn't expect, though, is how much they love and stan you (he does find it cute, i mean HE loves and stans you and thinks you're perfect so why shouldn't everyone?) - even though he's announcing something really exciting like another pop-up or a series of self-titled shows or some shit, the replies to the story and all the tweets about it are like "matthew fuck off where is our mother we want to see her not you" and "matty healy silencing women on their own platforms despicable!!" lmaoooo. i do think he wouldn't be able to resist like a tiny baby bit of shitposting - he posts another vid like "christ alive my missus is right here (cut to you waving) and we agreed i would use her account for business purposes once and then i'd give her the phone back". but then matty grins and starts walking out of the room and says "but before i do that i'm going to dm timothée chalamet because she fancies him and i think she should tell him" and he starts running and all you hear is "FUCK OFF NO" and the sound of you running after him and him laughing before the video cuts out. and the next post on the story is a selfie of you peace'n'pouting sitting on top of matty like "phone back safely, healy in time out and his instagram privileges revoked. anyway swipe up to sign up for email notifs about the pop-up/shows" <3

[takekawa]

expanding on this while sick off my tits to give me something else to focus on

i love when bitches are CRAZY and/or pathetic which is admittedly funny thinking about my favorite beautiful lovely obeyme wife Solomon who is you know. not THAT crazy and not pathetic in the way i like. like he’s competent and his blustering social incompetence is in the “he just doesn’t know he’s kinda weird and mildly ominous at times” way not the “pathetic whimpering animal” (mammon) (leviathan) way i usually go for

although admittedly im just a sucker for the ‘jovial wizard who is definitely threatening’ trope. merlin fate. shahmat dirtycrown. in hindsight it’s funny all of these guys have white hair. would all be fluffy long white hair if Solomon didn’t have that fuckass cut

obey me in general is such a funny series for me to be into bc like. No one in it is THAT crazy due to the medium/target audience (except belphie I respect whatever the fuck is wrong with him) but they all still enchant me so bad. admittedly im reinterpreting them a teensy bit in my head to be bigger creeps because i have a rare disease where if i don’t make every character a little bit of a yandere stalker ill die. whatever. my vision is true

off the top of my head like

lucifer ok I can’t actually fuck this one bc he lives in my head and regularly talks to me but he’s still moe moe kyun. exhausted brat-tamer father is inherently crack cocaine to me. Cannot say more and still look that alter in the eye. my bad peepaw

satan HATER NATION REPRESENT 💥💥💃 also him being such a stuffy serious nerd gushing about cats is moe. Meow for me boy

beel definitely the least interested in him bc of how aggressively normal he is but it’s fine he’s smexy. and presumably built like a chubbier laios. Sultry little whore body type

belphie gotta love a guy who fakes being your friend to turbo murder you then goes back to being your friend with the limpest apology ever as if the attempted murder and false friendship wasn’t even that big a deal. love you casual psychopath. also a siscon so bonus points

mammon pathetic dog who would wear a leash if you asked him too and act really indignant the whole time like this is SUCH an ordeal UGH he’s so above this (he’s been nuclear levels of wet the entire time)

asmo see appearance wise im not interested. But. not a clue if im bastardizing his character but ive been assuming his total obsession (the like… measuring your body and pointing out tiny traits of yours that are cute/changed scene comes to mind) is in the “he’s definitely stalking you” vindictive possessive way. throwing dead birds at the window whenever you’re hanging out with someone else. starting shit on his fifth alternate instagram account so it doesn’t look like it’s HIM stirring the pot every time you don’t respond to his texts immediately. I like to think he’s very petty and pissy but that’s admittedly my debilitating stalker kink talking

levi pathetic ass neet nerd with zero game you enchant me. bend over while watching mid harem anime boy

the extraneous cast (outside of Solomon) i am woefully less knowledgeable on but at a glance i do like all of them. simeon is obscenely hot and also motherly-but-ominous (sexy). mephi seems like a raging cunt which i respect but he is a devoted cuck so we can’t fuck. diavolo is married to lucifer but i do respect the whole ‘outwardly jovial but will use his status to make you do what he says’ schebang. he’d aggravate the fuck out of me but i can’t diss the hustle

who the fuck else is there. barbatos is also a devoted cuck but i like how cunty and rude he is. luke does not hit the notes i like in that way but he’s a funny little guy i enjoy him. no fucking clue what the one woman with a number name im forgetting does but i like her fit and vibe

[xplrvibes]

Okay, this is probably going to be veeerrrryyyy long, sorry but I have to get something off my chest. There are a few things I've been discussing with others recently and everyone agreed that I could share it with you here. No one has to agree with me/us.

Okay, let's go.

Katelyn and Malia- We personally don't like them BUT we don't spread hate or comment on their pictures, we don't follow them or anything else. If Sam and Colby are happy, they are happy and that is the only thing that matters to us! I can't take all this drama anymore, really. One of the things we say is that you don't have to like the girls and you can still support SnC. JUST DON'T SPREAD HATE!! There's too much of it in the fandom.

Stas and Kat- Yes, many, probably 90% of the fandom miss them BUT Sam and Colby have moved on in life and the fandom has to do the same. We will never see Stas and Kat in a SnC video again. Nevertheless, you can still support Stas and Kat. We will never see Sam and Kat again, that's the reality, just like we will never see Stas and Colby together again.

The Collabs- Yes, of course, some people like the collabs, some don't. We personally like the collabs but we still wish that SnC would do something alone in a video again without the collabs. It is also sometimes questionable who they are filming a video with. SnC should find out more about that, but that doesn't really matter now. The fact is, if SnC only did something on their own, the fans would (maybe) get bored after a while and then the questions about this or that person who should be in the video come more and more frequently.

Social Media- I have read a lot that fans think (not all of them, of course) that Sam and Colby are too rarely active on platforms like Twitter, Instagram and many more. But have most people perhaps already thought about the fact that the two are 27 and their lives do not just consist of sitting on their cell phones? There is still a private life that the two of them lead, which clearly means that you don't have to share your life completely just because you are a public figure. Sam and Colby are not obligated to share their whole lives with us and i mean everything with that.

Merch- I can't say much about it, except that it's too expensive and unfortunately some fans just can't afford it. Some people want the old merch back, maybe Sam and Colby will consider bringing the old merch back in for a while.

Sam and Colby ignore their fans- NO, DAMN IT. These two are totally busy bringing us content this year!! They travel here and there, stay up all night shooting their videos, editing, cutting and everything. They even got help to make things move faster, what more could fans want? Yes, it may be that Sam and Colby don't like many merch pics at the moment, but there is probably an explanation for that. After all, they don't have to sit on their phones all day and like every merch picture they see. The two of them commented on a few topics, obviously not all of them but those that were in focus. That's enough. Sam and Colby have done enough for us since they started YouTube. Let them enjoy their space and their lives.

Colby's relationship- *sighs* I actually didn't want to say anything about it, but okay. He is happy, he is satisfied and that is good. He's in a relationship again after a long time, and the fact that he's liking more edits or pictures of her at the moment is completely normal in my eyes. He's just in love, for goodness sake. If someone doesn't like Malia, then they should just keep it to themselves and not constantly spread hate, which is exactly why Colby never wanted to make a relationship public. These "expose" pages are getting on my nerves. Get a life and let Colby be happy, thanks:) Whether it will end or not, as long as Colby is happy, there is no telling. AND even if it does end with Malia at some point, don't jump on him and say "we knew it." Don't. Fucking. Do. It.

Sam's relationship- *sigh again* I can't say much about it because I personally don't know what to think about Katelyn and Sam or us. Yes, Sam moved on from Kat after a very long relationship but that's just the way it is with some people. If he's happy with Katelyn now, then so be it, let him be happy too. Sure, we miss Sam and Kat, but the reality is that they are separated and Kat will have a new boyfriend at some point. To make a long story short: LET SAM AND COLBY BE HAPPY OR MAKE MISTAKES, THEY ARE NORMAL PEOPLE LIKE ALL OF US!!

Shea- I'll keep it brief. We don't know what happened between her and Colby. We don't know if she's telling the truth or not. But we will never see Shea in a Colby video again and some people just have to deal with it.

The Fandom- Oh, if I told everyone, I'd probably be followed.😂 It's toxic, most people have two faces and would do anything to get attention from Sam and Colby. I know so many people who edit Malia just to get likes from Colby and I could make it public but I don't, because i'm not that type of person. Right now, everyone is just jumping at each other's throats because half of them like Malia and Katelyn and the other half doesn't. The fandom is falling apart more and more (in my/our eyes) I have never experienced so much toxic stuff as in this fandom and it is terrifying! Especially on Twitter, for God's sake. OF COURSE not everyone in the fandom is toxic, I have met a lot of lovely people and I am grateful for that.

There is so much more but my fingers hurt and I think that's enough to start with.😂 Like i said, no one has to agree with me/us, it's just our opinion how we see the things. Have a good day.🩷

I have nothing to add - thank you for summing it all up, anon(s).

[alearicci]

second chapter. max verstappen x oc

"I'm tired. I'm fucking tired, Ashlyn," Max said, sitting down on the bed next to the his girlfriend. There was a note of impotence in his voice. Did he think a few years ago that it would be so difficult for him to win one race after another? That it would be so hard. And it's not even about the strength of rivals or a bad car. It's all about people. No matter how hard he tried to show that they had no effect on him, his heart ached unpleasantly from everything that awaited him every day. Fame sometimes has a bad effect on the humanity inside you. You try to be strong, show the best results, fight honestly for the title... and you find yourself face to face with people . There are those to whom Max is insanely grateful - his fans always support him, arrange various events, draw posters of support. Recently he heard a song on the street, a very funny song. There was something like that tu-tu-tu-tu Max Verstappen. He still sometimes hums this melody to himself, as if supporting himself. But there are others. Aren't they called haters? Such people whistle after you, write unpleasant comments. "What a blessing that Max didn't get on the podium. We need to celebrate this, dudes", "Poor Max. It serves you right", "I wish you were eliminated in the first round." At first it seriously upset him, but now he just laughs and thinks how pathetic they are. Stupid idiots who were offended that he overtook their favorite team by car, for which they had been rooting almost since childhood. Such people don't even stand next to him. Someone even called him a villain. Max once laughed and said, "Well, then I'm the most beautiful villain in the world." He didn't consider himself evil. Only sometimes he got angry if his rivals couldn't see beyond their own noses or when he made a stupid mistake. Monster Max, oh my God, save yourself. If you don't know personally, then don't judge publicly. Since childhood, he dreamed of becoming a Formula 1 racer. He wanted to win, to drive at great speed, to overtake rivals. He did everything possible and impossible to get behind the wheel of a racing car. And his dream came true. Thanks to perseverance and the desire to act. He was considered a young talent, a Red Bull star. Great hopes were pinned on him. And he justified them. Became the best. He showed everyone his trademark smile from time to time. He was turning into a robot. Only his family and girlfriend brought him back to life. Max met Ashlyn Skyler at a party he attended at a friend's request. He immediately singled her out from the rest. Her smile stunned him. A few days later, he decided to write to her on Instagram and arranged a meeting. And it so happened that she was with him almost from the very beginning of his career in Formula 1. She was with him for better and for worse. She was always there, gave love and tenderness, was present at every race and watched the car with the number 33, and later 1, with a rapid heartbeat. She watched her beloved. She rejoiced at every victory and podium, she cried because of every failure and every defeat. And now, having heard a rare confession from the mouth of a racer, she is trying to cope with herself and not cry. She loved this man and felt very sorry for him. And he doesn't like self-pity. The man looks at her for a few more seconds, and then quickly takes off his T-shirt and settles on his beloved's chest. He hugs her tightly with his big arms and nuzzles her neck, inhaling her native scent. When Max lies down on her, Skyler does a little head massage, trying to relieve tension. She kisses him on the forehead and continues stroking his hair.

"It's all right, baby. We'll manage. There are two free days ahead, and then you will have to return to training. I'm here, remember that.

- I love you very much.

- I love you even more.

- That's not true. I love you more. And don't argue with me.

- I'm terribly scared. What are you going to do to me, Your Majesty?

- Mmm.

Max smiles slyly and pulls away a little. He puts one hand on Ash's soft cheek and pulls her closer. He touches his lips to hers, kissing her gently. How many kisses there have been over the years of their relationship, but there has never been such a kiss yet. In that kiss there was all the pain, all the love and all the desire to be with each other. They loved each other and continued to be close, no matter what. They enjoyed every day spent with each other. They were happy to be together. And no one could make them think differently. Max loved Ashlyn, Ashlyn loved Max. They went through all the difficulties together. Finally breaking away from such sweet lips, Verstappen lies down again in the place where he was quite recently. He is silent and enjoys the warmth coming from the girl. The warmth of the house. Ashlyn was the whole world to him, and he wanted to keep that world. Therefore, at first Max did not want to advertise their relationship, he met Ashlyn secretly. He was afraid that the bad words would reach her. But about two years ago, they appeared together at a party on the occasion of Max's victory at the annual competition. Since then, they have not hidden that they are dating, and Ashlin is part of that limited circle of people who are allowed to see the rider himself before the race.

- Do you remember that we have to go for an interview tomorrow?

- Max... "We"?

- Damn, didn't I tell you? Sorry, baby. We were invited to some show where we will talk about you and me, within reasonable limits, of course. If you don't mind, I'll cancel it.

- Okay, Max, I agree. Only then you will need to choose some suitable outfit for you.

- The clothes that suit me are a red bull jumpsuit. Will you wear this?

- No, I'll go in my house clothes. I just have a T-shirt with your image on it.

- Oh, no, girl. Let's put on our robes. The presenters won't mind much, will they?

- I think, nevertheless, they will object.

- OK. Then you'll have to dress up in a suit.

- Classic suits suit you like hell.

- And the dresses suit you very well.

- Really?

- Yes. Especially the one I took off you last night.

- Shh, Max.

- Not shhh. You'll definitely be better off without him ;)

[f1-birb]

I'm just glad Lando has Jon and others for support right now because he's chronically online and the takes, even by some "fans," are not it.

I know we talked about his consistency being taken for granted last year, and this is just another example imo. He RARELY makes mistakes (and I'm not defending him or saying people can't say he made an error or whatever, because it was obvious he had and I think fans being frustrated with that or whatever is valid), but omg, mistakes happen. To all drivers. They're a part of motorsport. Yet I already see all of these shit takes about the "next Ricciardo" and "the beginning of the end for McLaren's golden boy" and "omg it's karma!!" (karma for what? doing his job?). Like, it was one qualifying. It was one mistake. We don't even know how the race will turn out, especially with nearly every engine seemingly having some reliability concerns. We know nothing about safety cars or red flags that may present opportunities for drivers.

I'm sure Lando is already beating himself up enough without these "fans" coming for him for ONE error though. Hell, I've seen people who were ENJOYING his streams the past few weeks blaming it on him not taking racing seriously enough and spending too much time streaming, and it's like seriously? He's already talked about stepping back from most of his hobbies to focus on f1, but god forbid he do anything, ever, to just relax and have fun.

It's well known he puts an enormous amount of pressure on himself, and I think he's said he puts even more on when his dad is at races because he wants to show all the investment into his career was worth it (which is daft because Adam (and Cisca) love him so damn much and anytime Adam talks about Lando you can just hear sheer and utter pride in his voice)

He made a mistake, he knows it, he's owned up to it, at no point has he tried to pin it on anyone or anything but himself, and now people need to move on because the race could end up with a completely different result because we just don't know. Someone else makes a mistake, the engine reliability issues we've seen, freak weather change who knows, etc etc.

Jeddah is a fucking nightmare and I hate it with a passion (possibly the most out of the street circuits) because it's so easy for literally any of them to make a mistake like that, look at Max's 2021 or Lando today, Esteban also said he clipped the wall twice in his run and thought he'd damaged the car but managed to keep pushing it

People just like to chat shit and Lando is one of the people they like the chat shit about the most. He's never going to do anything right in their eyes so I don't really care for their opinions. He could probably get pole, have a clean drive filled with good battles, score fastest lap and win AND STILL people would find something to criticise him about it

I've clearly managed to curate my space fantastically because I haven't seen any of those comments (I never check the comments on instagram and I literally only made a twitter account today for the sole purpose of following LN4 and McLaren for possible Jon pics....) but they're nothing new, they started halfway through last year and with the godawful tenacity of some people it's no surprise they're still being thrown around ~ as I always say "the block button is your friend ✨"

[trappedward]

In a deep, dark forest

To begin this blog, I felt it only appropriate to address one of the topics that was the main reason I started this in the first place.

That's right baby we are starting off strong with Kikuo. It should be of no surprise then that Kikuo is my favourite artist, considering I partially dedicated this blog to him and my first post is about his latest song (that you were going to discover as you read on).

So, In a Deep, Dark Forest has finally been uploaded to Spotify after being teased on his Instagram and formally released 2 weeks ago! To be honest, it's felt way more like a month than 2 weeks but also my concept of time has been so fucked up recently. Regardless of that, let's move on to what I really want to say about this song.

(Feel free to give it a listen if you're a passerby or a fan that hasn't heard the song yet so you can gather your own opinions before reading mine)

Again, to no surprise, I LOVE THIS SONG. I never listen to songs on repeat, usually I'll put a few songs in between and then re-listen. HOWEVER I could not help but put it on repeat a few times when It released on Spotify just a little bit ago.

It's classic Kikuo; upbeat yet distorted tempo and whacky little sound effects if you listen carefully. It's why I love his music so much. I've rarely found music artists quite like him and every time I listen to his music, I either find something new or find that I listen to it differently than I last did - if that even makes sense?

But I'm not here to just summarise. After all, I've DEDICATED this blog to my interests. That means I'm doing this properly baby - I'm breaking down every aspect of THIS ONE SONG that I feel like talking about for my own sick pleasure. Ladies and gentlemen, let's properly start the blog.

QI XUAN

For this song Kikuo diverted from his usual use of Hatsune Miku and instead decided to use Qi Xuan as his vocalist. Now I'm fully aware that this is not the first time Kikuo has used Qi Xuan's or another Vocaloid's voice bank - he has dabbled with Stardust Infinity and his song ローディーローディー/ Roadie Roadie features Qi Xuan. I just felt the need to point this out because for the past few years we have seen KIKUOMIKU 1-6 so I was interested to see that he had tried something else for the first time in a while (aside from collabs with Si_ku and Hanatan, etc). Anyway... Qi xuan! I personally think her vocals were amazing for this song. Don't get me wrong, I adore Miku and I absolutely understand why she is one of the most liked vocaloids. She's always amazing for Kikuo's music. This time though Qi Xuan just seemed like a more obvious choice in hindsight. While her voice is still soft (just like Miku), it sounded a bit more lively in somes parts as opposed to Kikuo's Miku usually being pretty deadpan or emotionless. Qi's smooth, more exasperated vocal seems to fit the flowy aspects of this song and make it sound sort of like a tide. Drawing out and then back in. She just has a bit more emotion at parts idk... maybe I'm just way too used to the atypical Kikuo Miku that hearing something different feels more realistic in terms of making it sound like an actual person.

COVER ART

From what I understand from Kikuo's description on the youtube upload of this song, the artwork was a collaboration between him and Si_ku. Which like.... HELLO?! When was the last time Kikuo drew one of his own album or single covers? And to do a collab with his star artist Si_ku? MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN I say. I absolutely adore Si_ku and her artstyle and that she is constantly working with Kikuo. Having them work together to make the artwork is just... it's incredible to me. It's got the usual style of Si_ku mixed with that "grimeieness" that Kikuo usually exploits. I've stared at it for so long just looking at the intricate details and colours hidden within all the lines spewing out from the main subject. Imagining Kikuo and Si_ku in the same room making this is so cool to me and IDK MAN I'M JUST FAN-GIRLING SO HARD RN.

INSTAGRAM STORIES

I follow Kikuo on Instagram. As much as it is an annoyance to me, I use Instagram a lot (more than Twitter). Can you imagine my surprise when I saw Kikuo's icon at the top of my screen in the stories bar? The speed at which I clicked was that of mach 20. I. WAS. NOT. DISAPPOINTED. This is probably not the right spot for this segment of the blog but do I care? No. Anywayssss seeing his behind the scenes process and getting casual updates throughout the week was awesome. I've always enjoyed watching him deconstruct his process especially since he doesn't actually know anything about music theory. He just does whatever sounds good to him and it's so garbled but insanely interesting as he explains why he makes the choices he does, how it isn't based on any logic in regards to making music but because of some reason that is akin to his creative process. If that makes sense. I'm sorry if my speech is hard to understand because I'm multi-tasking atm and rereading my sentences doesn't always help me edit. Ok I digress for the millionth time. Kikuo's instagram stories were not something I thought he'd take interest in starting considering that he really just works at his own pace being the NPC he is. Not complaining though and I will happily eat my meal.

ENDING SEGMENT

I would love to continue but I have lost track of my thoughts because I had a 2 hour interval at one point when writing this because I got distracted ACK. I may do a part two but that is only if I can get my shit together and not have like 5 different people trying to message me at once (I'm grateful for all of you though FR). For anyone who somehow is interested in this or has made it to the end of this post, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me your thoughts on the topic / this song! I would love to discuss it even if only briefly in the notes. That's all, bye bye.

[purplesurveys]

1626

Are you a dreamer or a do-er? I like to dream only because I don’t like putting too much pressure or too grand of an expectation upon myself. I do try my best to make this and that decision to sort of maneuver myself closer to my goals, but I don’t *actively* work towards them or give myself timelines, if that makes sense? so that I don’t feel shitty if things don’t go to plan. That’s like 20-30% of the time. The rest I kind of allot for daydreaming.

Do you think people get what they deserve? Well, no. And I bet you can see instances where this isn’t the case everyday.

Does it take a lot of physical pain to make you cry? I rarely cry from physical pain (in fact I don’t think I’ve ever?) but my pain tolerance is crap nonetheless. I flinch very easily and I’ve been skipping my annual physical exams every year not because I’m scared of what might be discovered, but because I don’t do well with needles and machines and all sorts of tests that involve your body getting probed.

Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): Well, QWOP is definitely high up on that list. There also used to be those childbirth simulator flash games in the ancient days of the internet where the patient you’d be helping is like a cartoonized Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, etc. What a fucking trip hahaha. 

Do you like sitting in the front, back, or middle of the classroom? Front. I have terrible eyesight and it’s the people at the middle and back who always get called randomly anyway.

Do you ever see commercials for restaurants that aren’t even in your area? Yeah, on Facebook I tend to get ads of K-pop shops based in the US; on Instagram I always get sponsored posts of food businesses from like Mexico and Dubai. The latter is particularly annoying because the food will look SO good only for me to find out that it’s nowhere near me.

Do you know anyone who has been struck by lightning before? No. Which is better: living where there’s lots of tornadoes or lots of hurricanes? I already live somewhere hurricanes (although we call them typhoons) are no biggie, so this is a fairly easy decision to make. I’ve never seen a tornado so I wouldn’t know how to act in the middle of one.

Would you pay if your dog needed an operation? Yes, but it also depends on how much it would be. I wouldn’t be opposed to a fundraiser; many pet owners here start one when their pets get into a medical emergency. 

If you’re a girl, what’s your favorite color of eyeliner? Black, but just putting it out there that anyone can put on eyeliner lol.

Have you ever overflown a bathtub? No. I’m not around bathtubs nearly often enough to run into this accident.

Why did you ignore the last person you ignored? Because it was like 5:30 on a Friday afternoon and I didn’t feel like responding to a work-related matter anymore.

What’s your favorite pizza place? We don’t have a lot of restaurants where the main specialty/attraction is pizza. It’s either big-time chain stores (your Pizza Hut’s, Papa John’s, Domino’s, etc) or sit-down restaurants that serve everything and just so happen to have pizza. Nevertheless, the best-tasting pizza for me would have to be Yellow Cab’s. Chain store, but they do the job flawlessly so no complaints there.

What’s at the top of your to do list in life? I feel like the grandest dream I have (and have had since I was around 9) is to fly to the US to attend Wrestlemania 50. There’s a lot of wrestling history tied to the event, it’s not happening until 2034, and there will only ever be one Wrestlemania 50, so it’s very important for me to be able to come. There’s also no telling which of the legends will still be alive by that point which adds more to the, “You HAVE to be there.”-ness of the event. Do you ever eat leftover pizza cold? Yep the only time I eat pizza hot is the time it’s served. From the time it cools down and gets stored as leftovers, I’d only ever eat it cold.

Where are you the most ticklish? Oh, everywhere. I’m terrible with being tickled.

Would you put your life in danger to rescue someone? I feel like it’s so easy to say “Probably not to a stranger” but a part of me feels as if I would actually unhesitatingly sacrifice myself by instinct. When you’re wanting a midnight snack, what do you normally get? Pancit Canton. If budget permits, McDonald’s hahaha.

Which cartoon character would you want to keep as a pet? Buster from Toy Story!

Do you like marshmallows? I have an irrational hatred for marshmallows lol. I never want to eat gooey sugar.

What is your favorite flavor of candy cane? I never have them a lot (not a common candy here, even during Christmas) so I don’t have a favorite and am open to trying different kinds.

Do you have any shoeboxes full of old photos/letters/other memorable stuff? No.

When was the last time you felt seriously embarrassed? Genuinely no clue. Another indicator that tells me I’m in my mid-20s is the fact that I rarely get embarrassed by anything now, lmao. Just laugh everything off.

Have you ever liked a song, looked up the lyrics to it, then hated it? This was me when I was going through BTS’ discography as a new fan and learned about War of Hormone.

What’s your favorite Christmas song? Snow Flower by V and Peakboy.

Did you like the show Invader Zim? I’ve never seen it.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen in a grocery store? Well what I’m about to say isn’t weird, but going to S&R and seeing all the unfamiliar American selections there can sometimes feel jarring. There’s stuff you’d never see in the average family’s pantry, like Reese’s cereals and frozen whole turkeys.

Do you prefer to pull off band-aids slowly or quickly? I prefer that they just slide off with water lol. My tolerance to pain is nearly nonexistent so I actually rarely pull them off.

Have you ever met any bands/band members before? Not met but I have seen several.

Do you enjoy riding around town looking at Christmas lights? Nah, I’m past that point of ~childlike wonder. I think Covid killed everyone’s enthusiasm anyway because for the past two years barely household in the village put nearly as much effort into their Christmas lights as they used to.

What states have you been to in the past year? I’ve never been to America and we don’t follow the concept of ‘states’ here.

Have you ever sleepwalked? I apparently have, twice; once when I was 3 and the next when I was 7-ish.

What’s your favorite superhero movie? I’m not into superheroes.

Do you struggle with acne? I am more prone to encountering a pimple or so these days, but I have never experienced a breakout altogether.

Around what year did you start using the internet, anyways? 2008. We had it before then, but it was dial-up and only the adults could use it because 1) it probably cost too much back then(?) and 2) it would interfere with the landline, considering at that time we all predominantly used telephones.

What did you do for your 16th birthday? I actually can’t even remember. It was probably with my best friend at the time... I think we watched a movie or something like that? I really have no clue.

Have you ever fostered an animal? No.

What’s your favorite form of exercise? Just walking the dogs. Otherwise I hate exercise lol. Do you have a back pack in a shape of an animal? No. Those never appealed to me, even as a kid.

Do you still take hot showers when it’s hot out? Yeah, I guess.

What’s your favorite type of cake? Cheesecake!

Name something you thought was cool when you were younger but don’t now? Keeping up with the indie music genre. 

What was the last song you downloaded onto your computer? So I no longer download...anything, really (music, movies, TV show episodes, etc), the way we did it up until the early 2010s, but the last new song I came across that I loved and immediately saved for reference is Victoria Monet’s We Might Even Be Falling In Love.

What color are your headphones, if you have any? My *earphones are white.

Do you honestly like The Beatles or are you just conforming? No, I’m not so much a fan of the music. I know their work is fantastically timeless and I’m not challenging their positions as legends in the industry, but personally the music isn’t something I find myself listening to.

What was the last video message you received on your phone? It was Angela handing over a Starbucks coffee to Hans addressed to ‘HAMCE.’

Who did you last talk to in Facebook chat? Also Angela. I just sent her a screenshot of a Godiva café in Singapore to let her know I wanna try it out if we do end up landing in SG for Yoongi’s tour.

When writing $ sign, do you draw one line through the S or two? Just one.

Do you feel bad for people your age who have never had a significant other? Only if they want to be in a relationship and have never had the chance. < Yeah.

When do you plan on moving out? If you’re already moved out, how old were you? Looking at the time between my late 20s to early 30s.

Would you kiss the last person you texted? Nope. That’s an influencer I got in touch with for work and I have no interest in anything developing with anybody I work with besides a genuine friendship, lol.

What do you think of guys wearing colored skinny jeans? Whatever? Just wear whatever, people.

Where do you normally get your hair cut? We have this nearby salon that we’ve since become usuals at. It’s where I get my hair dyed too.

Would you trade last names with your best friend? No. I can’t see a scenario why I’d want that/why it’d be necessary hahaha unless her family is like old money rich??? Hahaha.

Would you ever get blonde highlights? I mean sure, but I prefer getting the full experience when I try new things, you know? In this case, when it came to dyeing my hair I didn’t hesitate to bleach my entire head and already went full brown, then purple the next time.

Will you go to your high school reunion? I thought I wanted to until I realized how I dislike most of them anyway, so no, probably not.

Have you stayed up past 3 in the morning this week? Yeah, the night Yoongi announced his tour, my friends and I got in a video call to start laying down initial plans. The call itself ended at around 2, but I stayed jittery into the night, out of both excitement and anxiety. I fell asleep at like 4 when I gave up and just took a melatonin gummy.

Do you ever not speak to someone because you’re afraid you’ll annoy them? Yeah, sometimes.

Personally, do you think you have a nice smile? Yes.

What animal have you always wanted as a pet but couldn’t have? I’ve only ever wanted a dog.

[broadphilly]

Brian...

Over the years, I built certain principles of dating that's helped me avoid my mistakes of the past. For instance, don't swipe right on a profile where his photos are just himself (no friends?). Also, avoid the ones with a bio that's only their instagram handle... please tell every college student this. Of course, as we age we keep self-selecting down to a more narrow group of individuals. This isn't new, but what becomes new over time is the *type* of guy you add to the list. A new genre of gay men that's recently come about since the pandemic was exactly that: the guy that is stuck in summer 2020 of urban outfitters tops and jeans, posting pictures enlarging the length of their legs, and having that one filter that aims to be retro but actually comes across as disturbingly fried. I unknowingly met this type and thus became the catalyst for the creation of this blog. Meet Brian.

I met Brian over tinder a week ago when I first downloaded the app to try and meet new people, though my intentions and motivations are to be discussed another time... Brian was a 21-year-old college student who was more direct than others in going on a date to get to know someone rather then gradually do the cat-and-mouse chase of tinder to following each other on instragram to FaceTime to finally a date if you're lucky. Brian seemed nice, he was one of the more rare individuals you meet on tinder that actually asks you questions about yourself on top of the conversation you're having. We met at Rittenhouse Square Park over wine I brought.

Brian showed up in a white crochet short sleeve short, long brown corduroy pants with black platform converse. He also brought a tote bag that also wanted to come across as diy but the aesthetically-saturated pattern immediately screamed Urban Outfitters to me. Looking nothing into it at the moment, I tried the basic tactics of first dates: how was your day, so where is your family from, do you like your neighborhood? I knew it was going to be a bad date when every answer he gave was "yeaaa..." or "no..." and his eyes would divert to a tree behind me but his eyes clearly not focusing in on anything. So you said you're from Haddonfield... I work around there. Do you like the shops on Haddon Ave? I ask. I hate New Jersey, he says. That sucks, why do you say that? It's boring. Another conversation looked like this: I ask, are you a film buff if you go to an art school? I don't know. I don't know any movies really. I couldn't help but sit with ten seconds of silence, just for him to realize how utterly monotone he was. I thought to myself: is this going to be the first date you actually walk away from mid-date?

We already made plans to go to a bar after the wine finished, which I quickly drowned down in hopes of not finding the shortness anymore annoying as it was to sober me. I offer we go, thinking the night will result in an awkward hug after a couple vodka sodas. I already pulled out cash before heading into Dirty Franks, since my debit card snapped in half and I've yet to order a new one. It's been broken for 5 weeks, but the chip still works. Brian didn't bring any cash... but I was quick to cover our two vodka crans at $12 plus tip. The conversations only picked up here, where I suspected he was more drunk and maybe less nervous. For some reason, I thought that was cute. We both ended up having the same favorite albums: Folklore by Taylor Swift and Norman Fucking Rockwell by Lana Del Rey. Adding Lorde and Clairo to my list, he seemed to be drawn in. I looked into his face more tentatively in the loud bar, his jawline looking sharper. The 1970s pornstache he was going for looked more developed and attractive. I knew then I was going to take him home. We finished our second drinks and he ordered the Uber home, for which I was going to hit myself if I really had to pay for the Uber, too.

At my apartment, Brian somehow found a glass in a cabinet and helped himself to water. I found that rather invasive, but I chalked it up to the inhibition following our Moscow mules. We chatted over tv shows back at the bar, agreeing to finally introduce Sex and the City to him via my laptop in bed. I always offer my guests shorts or sweatpants before getting in bed, offering looser clothes I won't be mad at getting ripped. Brian took a pair of black lululemon shorts, slipping into my covers next to me as I turned on the pilot episode. Quickly the episode ended, and he was quick to turning onto me, wrapping his leg around me to get on top. It was rather intense sex, with his pornstache being rough against my chin and lips. We flipped and turned over each other about three times before he went down on me, being surprisingly slow and wet with it. I did the same in return, putting both my hands around it and just being glad it wasn't as square as the guy before him. The sex became freaky to me, for a first date and all. With him sitting on top, his hands were warm around me before fitting it in. Never really having bottomed (or at least liking it for longer than 2 seconds), I'm also sure to be as gentle and deep as I can inside someone. It didn't take us long, and I tossed a towel to wipe everything off his stomach. Then the sleep came quickly and quietly, we didn't say goodnight.

The next morning, Brian had woken up earlier than me and I heard him get up at least three times for the bathroom before I actually checked my phone. 8:34 AM, I had work at 11. He suggested getting breakfast, and since he lived near where I work, I offered to drive us to a cafe in Haddonfield. On the way there, I tried my best to be cool again by curating music to play on the 30 minute car ride on a rainy, humid day. Andromeda by Weyes Blood, Spring by Angel Olsen, Sometimes by Faye Webster. There was a terrible accident over the Ben Franklin, causing all traffic to merge right, where we needed to take the left exit. I'm hungover. My head and my stomach, not good, he says. I'm sorry, I think some coffee and a sandwich will help, I say. We didn't really talk in the car, which bothered me. Even the questions like did you sleep okay only resulted in a yea... As we approached Haddonfield on Haddon Ave, he said in his very monotone voice: I'm going to throw up.

5 minutes away from the cafe, I thought he was just being dramatic since his face didn't read as urgent as his statement. Are you okay, do you want me to pull over? I chuckle. Yes, like now. I pull into the parking lot of a bank and as I'm putting the car into park he reaches for the handle before I could park and vomits on the side of my car and into the road, the car not even parked into a parking spot. I didn't see it, but it sounded aggravating, and splattered heavy. He stops after I ask if he's okay and needs anything (I had nothing but my laptop and tote bag), and I softly say, let's get you home, we'll worry about the coffee shop another time. As he closes the door, we drive to his address. Not 1 minute into the drive he says I'm not done and I park just on the other side of the parking lot before he expels everything left in him. I need to be motionless for just one minute, he says. I offer to get him water and he says okay in a way that says "Thanks, but no." At this point I wonder where to go from here, if he's even going to make it from to his house or if we're going to have to sit for a half hour while he sleeps it off. He gives a thumbs up to me as he picks his head up from the side off the car, and we drive away from what felt like a crime scene. The cafe will probably always be there, I say in an attempt to lighten the mood. He apologizes, and tries to make it up by asking me if I'm free Saturday. In my head, I could only think: please do not try and make up for this. Let's just be honest and take this as a lesson for the future.

Yours: know your limit if you're going to be driving back after a night of drinking. Mine: don't prolong a date with a guy who's taste you're not exactly of a fan of. It's not that I think the aesthetic is shitty or people who shop at Urban Outfitters are close-sighted, tacky assholes, but I think the fast fashion loving, calculated yet depthless aesthetic Brian put together reflected exactly the type of person who would present themselves as such. I actually work both mornings this weekend, 9-11 AM, I say. It was true, but I suggest maybe next weekend to be nice. As I pull up to his destination, he makes it worse to me by adding sternness to taking the offer: Okay, we'll see each other next Saturday. I would kiss you, but I don't want to be gross. It's okay, I- I would also give you a kiss if I could, I shyly say. He closes the door, and I proceed to the coffee shop we were supposed to go to.

[srlkiller]

Have you ever thought that maybe ur more sick than u think and maybe it’s actually u that’s the issue… might be something to think about

OK SO i hav a million asks in my inbox but this 1 is so beyond ignorant & passive aggressive for quite literally no reason bc why are u so invested in my life for…? lmao.

have u ever thought that maybe u don’t actually know me or anything that’s going on in my real life.. whether it is the shit that i am currently going through (which is numerous forms of abuse by my parents) or all of the things that have happened in my past.. im talking about in REAL LIFE. bc this is the internet.. a literal blog site where i randomly type things whenever im either really heated or bored as shit. n that’s rare now. this year n probably last year too i posted rants like.. give or take, every like… 3-6 months (if that). so u either got this whole image, ideology & ‘persona’ of me from a blog site.. or the very very few sporadic Insta stories i post which are mainly songs i like, memes or funny vids reposted? lmao.. i don’t post on my own Insta anymore. i literally only use youtube or zeus network now & i actually hav a private tumblr that only i can see. this 1 doesn’t get used, u must hav missed wen i posted about that :(( anyone who knows me/has known me irl.. or has been following me for a while knows that im a very open person.. & ive been open for YEARS on this dumb ass blog (which clearly ur privy too… bc u read my posts n lurk my page lmao 🫠)the whole “have u ever thought that ur ‘more sick than u think” is such an ignorant fucking statement. like.. i know exactly what is ‘wrong’ w me & im actually perfectly fine as long as i do not get triggered by certain people in my environment (which is the issue at hand among others with that same individual & other family). as ive aged & gone through so much these past 5/6 years i have grown & evolved so much as a person that whatever ‘persona’ you seem to have of me being ‘sick’ doesn’t exist today… unless you’re referring to my physical health issues? then yes ive been sick these past 2 weeks & do get ‘physically sick’ quite often due to my chronic severe physical health conditions.

ive been more than transparent (probably too transparent tbh) on here as well as my Instagram for many many years about my mental health issues + physical health issues. all of my conditions/disorders are chronic conditions that i have to live & deal w for the rest of my life.. so things like 4eva tryna find the right treatments for EVERY condition, spending thousands on operations, doctors, specialists, hospitals, medications that don’t work or give you awful side effects, meds that do work but cost hundreds, meds that are addicting with no warning from the doctors ect ect but the biggest thing of all is simply just tryna function each day like a normal human being whilst being in a very toxic environment with zero support, love or care from those who are supposed to nurture & protect you. so yeah sometimes i do get fucking angry, frustrated n upset about that shit n just wanna rant on here about my feelings. there are certain things i share on here wen i hav no one else 2talk too.. im an only child & hav gone thru sm shit with past ‘friends’ & exs in such a short amount of time i could truly write a whole book or movie script on it all. but instead i write things on here. it made me go absolutely crazy then turn into a total paranoid recluse. it was a soul destroying experience but one of the most powerful life lessons to be able to learn. it made me who i am today n changed me completely.

BUT- n real life tho.. you really do not know my situation.. you do not know me.. & you do not know what i deal with on a daily fucking basis. id love to see u try n live even jus a day as me irl...u would 100% neck urself before the day was even over. im not stupid.. i research everything when it comes to my conditions & diagnosis’s. i also studied psychology & did a major in forensic psychology while doing a bachelor of law & justice. ive studied the DSM-5, done every kind of therapy & treatment plan you can imagine. ive been in treatment since i was like 11/12. i understand myself very well. the mental health conditions that i have are a direct result of childhood trauma & several kinds of abuse by my parents from childhood all the way up to now.. if u are that interested in me & my life then perhaps u should google all of those conditions & do some research on them to gain a better understanding of the hows, why’s & whats. that’s called knowledge baby, u should gain some🖤 & perhaps u should consider going straight to the actual source… whatever it is u wanna know, just ask me.

what’s super interesting is that i took my tumblr link off my Insta a long time ago so it’s like bro.. did you just memorise my tumblr name so u can keep coming back to the page to lurk then send me a sassy little message to jab at me every couple months …. orrrr do you follow me but ur really that pussy that you put ur shit on anonymous? tbh both options are pitiful & just scream.. U A BITCH. people like you are all bark.. n no bite. it’s giving stalkerish fan vibes… this has been going on for like over a year now.. maybe even longer, idek. why not come off ANONYMOUS tho? why not just dm me if u feel so strongly about the issue n are so invested in this shitshow? u seem to hav a lot to say to me n id LUV to hear it! u got some suggestions for me? u got the answers? suggestions for self help books? shiiiiid… we could even talk on the phone if u want? u got FaceTime on yo fone?

if u don’t hav my Insta I’d b happy to giv it to you.. jus send me some asks on anonymous u know how to do that. looking forward to hearing back from u & getting to know u better! hope i quenched ur thirst xxx

[softtcurse]

fan! Reader posting an audio of herself singing the ‘nananana boo boo I fuck him more than you do” sound on her tik tok 😭😭

based off of this insta au

You smiled to yourself as you pressed post. The caption reading ‘ 🧴🥧’. Every since it was revealed you had been dating Jack it seemed the whole world wanted a piece of you. The only unprivate socials you had were tik tok (which you rarely posted on, and were more used to look at funny videos) and your Twitter which was filled with mostly things having to do with Jack. His whole fandom had gone crazy when they found out you were a fan of his, you had been too since the Loose era. Who would’ve thought 4 years from now you’d find yourself laying in bed with that same man. His head resting on your thigh and your hand scratching his scalp just like he liked it you had come to find out.

Jacks hand steadily resting on your thigh. Rubbing small circles on the skin. It didn’t take long for your phone to start going off. Forgetting to turn off the notifications which caused Jack to stir.

“You acting up on tik tok again ma?” You gave him a sour look and shook your head.

“Acting up? Never, you know me”

He grinned at you and shook his head. You two had only been dating for two months but Jack was already finding himself crushing harder and header on you. You left a pink tinge in his cheeks and he hated to admit that he loved it. Your follower requests on Instagram had grown, not that you would accept any of them. You valued your privacy and Jack did too, that didn’t mean you were about to tell everyone your business. You could handle your own against any one that wanted to be rude to you, you didn’t mind clapping back if necessary. People could be so rude.

“What did you post this time?” He hummed, kissing your thigh softly.

Reaching over you hastily unlocked your phone and shrugged handing it to him when you opened your tik tok.

Already at 30k followers when just last week you were only at 2k. And the video had 40k views in less than 10 minutes.

The video starting off with you showing yourself, you looked so pretty and unknown to you Jack already started thinking of all the way he was going to fuck you later that night. You mouthed the words to the tik tok and smirked, then the camera flipped and it showed Jack’s tall frame in your bedroom, flipping through some Netflix with your remote. His hair was messy and it was only his side profile you could see that didn’t stop people in the comments from going crazy.

“Yo, these comments got me” Jack laugh and started reading some out to you.

“That should be me he’s fucking”

“It’s giving husband already”

“I know he fucked the shit outta her after the video ended”

“She got y’all real mad under these comments huh”

You giggled at the last one. “That one’s funny, like it”

Jack pressed like and tossed your phone aside.

“Take your shorts off, since you wanna act out”

You didn’t fail to comply.