#every single joke he makes is either racist sexist or putting someone down

[gopissbepis]

I think I might hate my boyfriend.....

[kit-herondale-carstairs]

TDA Characters on TikTok

Julian: doesn’t post very often because he is a father but when he does it is always him painting or drawing something with lofi music or him sharing a tidbit about one of the children or other family members (Kieran, Cristina, Diana, Emma and Aline included and always with their explicit permission). 

- He’s very popular without even trying and most assume he is a young single father (which isn’t wrong).

-  Mostly finds himself on cottagecore or parent side of tiktok. 

- doesn’t understand all the thirsty comments he gets because “I don’t even show my face, Emma, why would they think I’m attractive?” but always shares them with Emma because they make her laugh.

Emma: Does it for the girls and the gays, that’s it. Posts nearly every day and page is generally a mixture of self defense videos, vintage makeup/dress tutorials, and videos slamming the patriarchy but also always does the latest dancing videos and other trends.

- always tries to get others to join in on her trend videos, mostly joined by Mark and Cristina when she can rope her in.

- Nearly broke tiktok when she got Julian to do the “You could have been nicer to me” trend because NO ONE KNEW THEY WERE DATING  AND EVEN THOUGH THEY COULDN’T SEE HIS FACE EVERYONE RECOGNIZED HIS VOICE AND HE WAS SO SWEET WHEN HE OFFERED TO TAKE HER TO HER FAVORITE THRIFT STORE AND BUY HER SOME DRESSES AFTER HE PUT THE “BABY” DOWN FOR HIS NAP. 

- - everyone knows the “baby” is actually at least seven but no one ever said his name because he’s too young so everyone collectively knows him as “the baby”

- solidly on gay tiktok even though she’s straight. 

Mark: Daily blogs. Everyone thinks he’s shit posting because it’s all wild things like standing in a middle of a circle of flowers and talking about “this pixie named Aelia lives here and she’s a BITCH”. Often shows videos of him cooking or baking wild concoctions that range from “Okay, I’d try that” to “this is why God has abandoned us”. 

- Does dancing videos with Emma all the time and often acts as the “creeper” in her self defense videos. 

- Caused a meltdown on tiktok when he casually mentioned his “partners” and started creating videos to raise awareness for polyamory. 

- Revealed Julian was his brother when he posted a video of Julian yelling at him for a solid minute because “the baby is covered in honey, why is the baby covered in honey, Mark? We don’t let the baby bathe in honey even if he really wants to Mark -” 

- solidly on cooking and gay tiktok, often takes a sharp left into “crackhead” tiktok

Kieran: Posts videos of cats he finds and rates them. The lowest ever was a 9.5/10 because “she bit me fairly hard but I scared her and I deserved it for trying to pet her without permission”. 

- does not do any trends or reveal much personal information. 

- Was always considered wholesome until he (on a dare from Dru) posted a video joking about choking a bossy sub that rounded up on kinktok. 

-- everyone went through a brief freak out trying to figure out if he had a partner but it was never solved. 

--- No one noticed that Mark posted a video joking about how “one of his partners was absolutely in the doghouse” accompanied by someone sitting in a cardboard ‘doghouse’ around the exact same time. 

- solidly on animal tiktok but occasionally veers into kinktok with more (less explicit) dom/sub humor. 

Cristina: Does not have her own tiktok but often appears in videos with Emma and occasionally shows up in Mark’s. 

- Absolute sweetheart always, even when she is demonstrating a self defense move with Emma, and is always commended for trying Mark’s foods. 

-- especially commended when trying the foods while, offscreen, their other partner yells about “Hell food” 

- is flattered with all the comments begging her to start her own tiktok but doesn’t feel like she has the time to fully commit to one properly. 

Livvy: (She’s alive, don’t @ me) Does absolutely all the new trends and also does various acting POVs 

- her soulmate POVs are most popular but she also is known for dueting act-along POVS with other popular creators

- also occasionally posts videos rating the best male actors/superheroes and once got into a long drawn out back to back war with someone on whether or not Captain America really had “America’s ass” 

- had a very popular multiple-part series about being a girl in the MCU dating the various Avengers but ended it abruptly after Endgame because “Natasha Romanoff deserved better and it hurts too much”

-she used to post occasional videos where she laments on being the “only single person in the family” but she started getting some very creepy duets and comments from actual adults so she told Julian and they both agreed it would be better for her to stop them

-- Julian did take the time to duet the people being inappropriate and explained very clearly that their actions were wrong and directed towards a LITERAL CHILD and shamed multiple accounts into flat out deleting

Ty: Posts literally whatever interests him. Has two animal series - one where he shares facts about his favorite kinds of animals and one where he showcases various animals he’s found in the tidepools or around the house. 

- has done several video series of rescuing animals and has at least one where Julian could be heard lecturing him on trying to raise wild animals in his bedroom again 

-- tiktok freaked out because this happened right around the same time as Julian calling out all the creeps on Livvy’s tiktok and no one knew that the twins he talked about were them  

- also does videos about his favorite literary works - notably Sherlock Holmes - and true crime/mystery videos 

-- he always makes sure to carefully put in warnings for anything remotely violent or triggering and has never had a single video taken down for violating the rules even when he did a multiple part series on the Black Dahlia and how her crime was ‘absolutely solved but because the man who did it was rich and white, he got away with it and probably also killed at least two other women, one of whom was killed in the Philippines” 

-  sometimes does twin videos with Livvy because she likes them and it makes her happy. 

Dru: Queen of witch/horror/true crime tiktok. 

- got in trouble with Julian for showing actual runes in videos but everyone just thought they were for the aesthetic so it was fine

- most popular videos is a series where she rates horror movies on how they do on the bechdel test 

- sometimes duets Ty’s or Livvy’s videos just to drag them (with love) 

- Has a very popular series on “women who snapped” and is known for almost rarely during part 2s (and therefore having to speak very very fast) 

- also complains constantly because her videos will get taken down even if they aren’t that violent and includes clips from far worse videos from male creators to point out the double standard

- occasionally dives into tiktok drama just to dabble and then sits on the sidelines and watches it happen

-- 100% built a balloon arch to flex on That Balloon Girl 

- solidly on witchtok and horrortok

Kit: King of petty/messy tiktok who also posts random videos about crime and occasional blogs

- switches from either sharing no information to borderline oversharing childhood trauma

- shares videos on borderline illegal ways to get back at exfriends/expartners/exfamily members/general enemies 

-- putting fish in people’s vents, subscribing them to magazines under various similar names, sending them glitter in the mail, opening their oreos and taking out the middle of all of them, putting baby locks on their cabinets and in the outlets they can’t see (like under the bed so they can’t get plug in their cellphone charger at night), etc. 

- is always eating some sort of snack, no matter what he is doing

- also posts videos about personal safety like what locks will actually keep people out and what ones are easy to break into

--caused several minor freakouts when he casually mentioned his father taught him how to do it

- occasionally posts videos with an adorable toddler and a young couple who he refers to as “mom and dad” even though they look at MOST five years older than him and he often makes parental abandonment jokes/comments

- no idea where he lives because he speaks in an American accent and talks constantly about American/California life but everything around him looks very British 

- absolutely dives head first into every tiktok drama and will go for the throat for anyone who makes ableist/sexist/racist/homophobic comments without hesitation

-- his drags are legendarily savage and he has caused numerous problematic accounts to just straight up disappear

- duets videos from Livvy, Dru, Mark, Emma and Julian ( with lots of savage drags) but no one knows how he knows them because he is absolutely somewhere in the UK and all of them are based in California/US

-- he also notably NEVER duets Ty

--- the mystery is finally solved when Kit does a livestream and reveals that he met all of them because he was briefly living with them before getting placed with his family, the young couple who actually are his mom and dad 

---- he is very vague about the living situation but everyone assumes he was a foster child 

- he once caused a mass freakout on Tiktok (that actually spilled over to twitter and buzzfeed) when he announced he was going back to the US to visit friends and then posted a video with the caption “when you see your boyfriend in person for the first time in MONTHS but he’s too distracted by some wet 🐱” 

-- the video panned out from Kit’s unamused face to Ty gently rubbing a tiny wet kitten  with a soft cotton towel 

[mychemicalimagines]

Happens Like That-Jim Halpert-Chapter 2

Summary: Jim Halpert and Melissa Ford have been best friends since he started at Dunder Mifflin in 1999. Now that a camera crew is following the employees around so they can film a documentary, do they finally tell each other their feelings? Or do they just let them go? Either way, what will become of these two best friends? 

Warnings: Cussing and Smut in later chapters.

Words: 4890

Tag List: @you-a-southpaw-doll @elskinner45 @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl

A/N: I love that you guys are liking this. Please leave comments on what you think. If you guys don’t want me to finish this, I won’t continue. If you would like to be tagged please message or submit an ask.

Melissa’s POV - Same Day, Just Later in the Evening

By the time I get home, half an hour has already passed since I clocked out and left work.  I’m still going to Jim’s house but I wanted to change into something more comfortable. I walk upstairs to my room and change into a tank top and a pair of jeans before I look in the mirror. I brush my hair quickly before putting on a pair of sneakers.

I smile when I see how good I look, and feel proud of myself. I make sure everything is in place and that I look comfortable and ready to hang out, but also making sure I don’t look like I tried too hard. This isn’t the first time I’m going to Jim’s  house. About a year after he started at DM, we started hanging out almost every day of the week. 

We have our routine, doing things we both enjoy. And, most of the time, as long as we’re hanging out, we’re doing something we enjoy. He’s just about the only person I hang out with. Mondays, we sit together and watch basketball, nine times outta ten, it’s at his place since he has the DVR and the bigger TV. 

I’m not a huge basketball fan, but I watch the Philly 76ers with him so we have a chance to hang out. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve come to understand certain things about the sport and appreciate it ‘cause it means I get to spend time with Jim. Since I’ve started getting more into basketball, Jim has offered and has been teaching me how to play for going on three and a half months now. 

It’s been fun, and I might’ve not been the best at the beginning, but I’m getting better! Tuesdays...well, those are our taco nights. We get together at my house and make tacos, usually watching a movie afterwards. Sometimes, we try new types of tacos, or we stick to the good old fashioned ones, like beef tacos, which just so happen to be my favorite, with some guacamole on the side. 

One time, Jim suggested that we try shrimp tacos...let’s just say that didn’t turn out too well and we ended up going to taco bell that night. It was a learning experience, to say the least. Fridays are our movie and dinner nights, with us switching houses every other week. One week it’ll be my place and I pick the movie while he picks what we’re having for dinner. 

The next week, it’ll be at his place and he picks the movie, leaving dinner up to me. This week just so happens to be a little different. I couldn’t make up my mind on what I wanted for dinner, so we agreed I’d pick the movie and he’d get dinner, but we’d still have it at his place. After our movie ends and dinner has been cleaned up, we usually spend the night at the other’s house, just sleeping, nothing more...yet... hopefully one day. 

If I stay at his place, he offers me his bed while he sleeps on the couch. I felt bad the first few times, but he assured me it’s ok. At my place, he insisted I keep my bed and he sleeps on the couch. We do this every Friday night  because on Saturdays we go to the local bar and have a few drinks. And it’s better to go to one destination and be safe than go to two and possibly get hurt in one way or another. 

So, I guess technically, we spend two nights a week together, but we don’t ever cross that line. Yet. The other days of the week are random. Usually, it just depends on how tired or busy we are after work. Sometimes, we’ll hang out, and other times, we’ll just part ways at our cars and go home or run errands or whatever it is we need to do. 

To be honest, if I’m not with him, I usually just stop by McDonald’s or something, grab a bite to eat and go home to take a nap. I have no idea what he does when we’re not hanging out, but it’s ok. I stop at BlockBuster and grab the last copy of the movie he talked about wanting to see today. As I drive toward his house, I see a flower stand on the side of the road. 

I smirk to myself and pull over. Last week, Jim came over for Taco Tuesday and brought me some flowers. It was a really sweet gesture and made me smile. Now it’s my turn to return the favor. I turn off my car and step out, making sure I grab my keys and wallet. Walking right up to the stand, I take a look at the different types of arrangements, colors, and floral designs. 

After a few minutes, I pick up a little thing of cute flowers and walk over to the sweet looking, little old woman running the stand. 

“Oh what’s the occasion?” She asks as she rings up my flowers.

“Just getting a friend some flowers.” 

I smile, and hand her a slightly faded, and worn, ten dollar bill that’s more than enough to cover the cost. She nods, takes the money and hands me my change. I put it in my wallet before grabbing the flowers. Getting inside my car, I make sure the flowers are safe in my passenger’s seat, not before starting my car. 

I drive for ten more minutes to get to Jim’s house, before I carefully pull into his driveway since there’s a big dip at the end of it. The city says it’s to help with water runoff when it rains so it lessens the chance for the roads to flood. His car is usually parked on the left and my car will be parked on the right, just like it is today. 

He joked the other day that this was my parking spot and no one is allowed to park here. And I mean, no one. It doesn’t matter who they are. If they’re not me, then they can’t park here. Jim’s rules, not mine. Last year, Jim had a small BBQ and invited everyone from work. Michael showed up a little earlier than I did and Jim made him move his car before I got there. 

No one understood why it was such a big deal. The big deal was 1) it was my spot, and 2) because I was more than likely sleeping over that night. I did sleep over, but I made sure to help him clean everything up since I helped him cook the night before. That was what kind of, officially, started us staying at each other’s house on a somewhat regular basis.

I turn off my car and grab the flowers from the seat next to me. I step out and  grab my ‘Sleepover at Jim’s’ duffle bag that I keep in my back seat. I hold the flowers behind my back and walk toward his front door. I have no idea why I am so nervous. 

I’ve been here a million times in the last 5 years! I put my duffle bag down and knock on the door. A few seconds later, Jim answers.

“Mel!” He smiles, seeming to be almost shocked it’s me and not someone else.

“Who else?” I giggle and all the nervousness washed away, just like that. I lean against the doorway and ask, “Who else could it have been?”

“The delivery guy. I was hoping the food would get here before you.” He says. He notices my hand behind my back and looks a little confused. “Umm, what is that?” He points.

I smile widely and pull them out. “Daisies.”

He chuckles. “Is this because I brought you sunflowers?”

I shrug and giggle as he lets me in. He grabs my duffle bag for me and I walk straight into his kitchen. Reaching  into one of his cabinets, I grab one of the small vases that I know his mom has probably given him over the years. She has a habit of giving him flowers at least twice a year - Valentine’s Day, ‘cause she feels everyone deserves flowers and she knows he’s been single for a while,  and his birthday. 

The flowers on his birthday have been a tradition since Jim’s grandma died when he was little. She’d always give him a couple flowers on his birthday and his mom kept the tradition up. I fill it up with water and put the daisies inside. He walks in right as I set the  vase on the counter and turn around to face him. 

***

Diversity Day

Monday morning, I’m the first one in the office. This isn’t necessarily rare but being here before Dwight got in was. Dwight is usually always the first person in the office. Yesterday, though, Michael called me and asked for me to be in the office at eight instead of nine. At first, I had no idea why he’d have me come in an hour earlier, but I didn’t question it.

I now know it is because a gentleman, from corporate,  by the man of ‘Mr. Brown’, is going to be coaching us through what Diversity really is. He’s also gonna tell us what we can and can’t say about races and such while we are in the office. We all know the reason is because Michael can say some things that are counted as racist, sexist, and even homophobic at times, and not even realize it. 

I sigh to myself and hang up my jacket. I go into the conference room and start putting the chairs out for everyone.  Should I put one out for Jim or is he going to stand today? I decide to put one out for him just so he has a chance to sit this time. I hear the door to the office open so I glance out the door. 

When I see Jim, I grin from ear to ear and wave him over to where I’m at. He drapes his jacket over the back of his chair and walks to me.

“Hi.” He says, his voice still laced with sleep, as he flashes me a smile.

“Hey, sleepyhead. Late night?” I tease, knowing we both stayed up late last night, texting about random stuff. Mainly about me having to get up early in the morning and that’s why I couldn’t go watch the new Star Wars movie. 

He chuckles slightly and nods. “I thought you could use some help.” 

He puts his hands in his pockets and leans against the doorway.

“Well...I could use the help moving the table.” I point over my shoulder at the table in the middle of the room.

“You got it!” He says, walking over and grabbing one side of said table.

I grab the other side and we lift the table. We walk it over to the side of the room toward the windows and set it down slowly. 

“Thanks. I didn’t wanna have to drag it over.” I giggle slightly. 

He smiles. “It’s no problem, Mel. What else do you have to do?” 

After another half hour of moving things around the room, and getting everything set up, he helps me put up a banner that Mr. Brown sent over. The banner says ‘Diversity Day’. Hopefully the room is the way he wants. Just as Jim helps me down from a chair, the front door opens. Jim and I walk out into office around to see who it is. 

A middle-aged, nice looking, in the sense he seems nice, African American gentleman walks in.

“Hello.” I say, sweetly. “How can I help you?”

“I’m Mr. Brown. I’m doing a lesson today?”

“Yes! Hi, I’m Melissa. I’m Michael’s Assistant!” I put my hand out and he shakes it, smiling.

He looks at Jim. “And you are..?”

“I’m Jim Halpert. I’m one of the Salesmen here.” Jim says, putting his hand out for Mr. Brown to shake. 

“Nice to meet you,” He says, and looks in the conference room where Jim and I just finished everything.

“Wow. You guys did that?”

“Yeah. We came in early to make sure you had room and-” I start saying.

“It’s wonderful. Thank you.”

No One’s P.O.V.

He walks into the conference room and starts setting up the items he brought. About an hour later, everyone arrives at the office, and Michael walks up to Mr. Brown.

“Hey, uh, can I help you in here?” He asks, clearly not really interested in helping.

Mr. Brown looks up, “I’m all set, thanks.”

Michael nods, “Gotcha, good. I’d go with the rows. Good idea.”

“Oh, Melissa and Jim set that up. I’m setting up the papers and the rest of the stuff I brought.” Mr. Brown says, before turning back to the table.

Michael nods and walks out. He pats Jim on the back and gives Melissa a thumbs up. They both smile and Jim continues his sales call.

“That's the thing. It's very sturdy paper and on the back it says, ‘100% post-consumer content.’ What?” The sound of a shredder is heard throughout the office, making Mel look up. “Hello? Uh-huh. Wait. What? I'm sorry, Mr. Decker. I think I'm losing you.” Dwight is shredding all his old paperwork he doesn’t need, at a most inconvenient time nonetheless. “Hello? Hello? Yeah. Hold on one second. I don't know. Hold on one second.” Jim puts the gentleman on the other end of the phone on hold and looks at Dwight. “Do you really have to do that now?”

“Yes I do! I should have done this weeks ago.” Dwight says, putting another piece of paper into the shredder.

Jim takes the gentleman off hold. “Mr. Decker, I'm sorry about that. What were you…” Dwight puts another paper in the shredder. “Can you hold on one second? Yeah, just one second. Thanks.”  Jim reaches over and flips the switch on the power supply, making the shredder shut down. “Hello? That's it. Perfect. So what I was saying…” 

Dwight reaches over and pushes a button to end the phone call. Mel’s eyes widen, not actually believing that Dwight just did that to a customer, or to Jim for that matter. 

“Hello? Thanks, Dwight.” Jim sighs as he puts the phone down.

“Retaliation. Tit for tit.” Dwight says, smirking a little.

“That’s not the expression.” Jim says, sighs. 

The roaring of the shredder starts once more as Dwight pushes the button on the power supply again.

“Well... it should be.” Dwight comments, as he continues to shred his papers.

Jim sighs and looks up when the camera guy pats his shoulder. 

“Hey, come do an interview.” He says.

Jim nods and stands up, pushing in his chair. He glances up at Mel and rolls his eyes. She giggles and looks at Pam.

Melissa’s POV

“I’m going to go talk with Michael about what is gonna happen with my wedding and stuff, okay?” She asks.

“That’s fine. I’ll be here. Checking emails.” I smirk, pulling up Solitaire on the computer.

She giggles, walking around me, toward Michaels office. I start playing Solitaire and when I’m halfway done, Jim walks out of the conference room and straight over to my desk. He leans down, resting his cheek against his hand. 

“Solitaire?” He asks.

I nod. “Freecell.”

He watches for a second and then points. “Six on seven.

“I know. I saw that.” I tease but don’t move the cards.

“So...then...why didn’t you do it?”

“I’m saving that ‘cause I like it when the cards go ‘t-ts-ts-tch-tch-tch’.” I giggle as I move another card on the computer.

“Who doesn’t love that?” Jim chuckles slightly. 

I blush and continues to play my game when Pam walks back. Jim hears his phone rings, he runs over and answers the phone call.

“Mr. Decker! Hello!”

Michael walks out of his office, a few minutes later, with Mr. Brown walking out of the conference room. Michael walks right over to Oscar and starts to talk. Mr. Brown tells Michael he’s ready for us.

“Oh hey, well, diversity, everybody. Let’s do it. Oscar works in...umm  Jim? Could you wrap it up please?”

I look confused as I grab my usual notebook. Doesn’t he want Jim to get this sale? This is one of Jim’s biggest sales. He should be able to finish it. I stand up and walk over to Jim’s desk as Michael goes walks toward the conference room but stops and turns back.

“Yeah, uh, Mr. Decker, please.” Jim says, glancing up.

Michael glances at the camera as he speaks to Jim. “It’s diversity day, Jim. I wish every day was diversity day.” He flashes a smile at the camera.

Jim sighs. “You know what? I’m actually going to have to call you back. Thank you. Sorry about that.” He hangs up and stands.

I whisper. “I’m sorry, Jim.” 

He just puts his hand on my lower back and ushers me toward the conference room. I smile a little at the feeling of his hand on my back. When we get to the conference room, we head to where we normally sit, closer to the back corner and by the windows that look into the main office area. I sit down and Jim sits to my left. 

A few minutes later, Mr. Brown collects the cards he had us fill out. 

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Great.” He murmurs, politely, as he collects the cards from each of us.

“Come on, people! Let’s get ‘em in! Get in the cards! Get in the cards!” Michael says, clapping his hands together in an attempt to hurry us along. 

Mr. Brown on the other hand is soft spoken, and very patiently with us. Once he has all the cards collected, he puts them together and then tucks them in with his stuff. He turns to face us, addressing us in a still much softer tone than Michael’s.

“Thanks for filling these out and I promise this’ll be quick. At Diversity Today, our philosophy is about honesty and positive expectations. We believe that 99% of the problems in the workplace arise simply out of ignorance.” Mr. Brown starts. 

Michael cuts him off from the rest of his speech.

“You know what? This is a color-free-zone here. Stanley, I don’t look at you as another race.” He points to the only other African American in the room.

“Uh, see this is what I’m talking about. We don’t have to pretend we’re color-blind.” Mr. Brown says, looking over at Michael.

They start arguing over ignorance of the situation and I glance over at Jim. He leans back in his chair and puts his arm around me, resting it on the top of my chair. I open my notebook to a blank page. I reach and grab a pen I have attached to the notebook when a hang reaches out. I look and see Jim grabbing the pen before I could. 

Because he is right handed his lines are messy, but he draws a tic-tac-toe board. He puts a messy X in the middle of the board. I giggle quietly and takes the pen from him. I put an O in the top right corner. He stares at the board before taking the pen and putting an X in the middle left box. I smirk to myself and takes the pen. 

I put an O under my last one, cutting off Jim from winning. He breathes hard from his nose and stares at the board. He grabs the pen and puts an X in the top middle box. His eyes widen after realizing what he has done. I giggle again quietly and takes the pen before putting an O in the bottom left corner, marking me as the winner.

I glance up and sighs when I hear Kevin citing something. I realize he’s horribly butchering the Chris Rock skit that Michael tried to impersonate the other day. I shake my head and sigh. This is going to get bad quick!  Michael cuts off Kevin from the Chris Rock skit, and tried to recite it himself. Mr. Brown tries to stop him. 

He does so by trying to cut him off.  Jim’s desk phone starts ringing and he quickly looks over. I look over at him.

“That better not be Mr. Decker,” I whisper.

He glances at me and nods.

He whispers, “It is more than likely.”

“Now, this is a simple acronym. HERO. Uh, at Diversity Today, we believe it is very easy to be a HERO. All you need is honesty, empathy, respect and open-mindedness.” Mr. Brown continues. 

“Excuse me.” Dwight cuts in. “I’m sorry, but that’s not all it takes to be a hero.”

Mr. Brown raises an eyebrow. “Oh great. Well, what is a hero to you?”

“A hero kills people, people that wish him harm.” Dwight says, as if it is obvious.

“Ok.” Mr. Brown stares at him for a minute.

“A hero is part-human and part-supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma or out of a disaster that must be avenged.” Dwight continues.

“Oh, you’re thinking of a superhero.” Mr. Brown says. 

“We all have a hero in our heart.”

Mr. Brown doesn’t acknowledge Dwight’s comment, but instead picks up a stack of papers from the podium and starts handing them out, while explaining, “Now, I need you to take these forms. This kind of expresses the joint experience we had today. And I need you to look 'em over and sign them as kind of a group pledge.”

I stand up, reaching forward to take a few so Jim and I can get out of here. Michael walks over to Mr. Brown and starts whispering. I grab two pieces of paper and hands Jim one. I sit back down and uses the pen from my notebook to sign my name. I hand the pen over to Jim and he quickly signs his name. 

Standing up, he takes the paper from my hand and walks over to Mr. Brown. I stand and walk out of the room. Jim runs out of the room and quickly over to his desk phone. He picks it up and listens to his voicemail. He sighs and nods at me. It was Mr. Decker. He quickly calls him back.

“Yeah, hi. Is Mr. Decker around? Oh. Well, could you just have him call me after lunch? Thank you.” He hangs up and sighs, leaning back into his chair. 

I reach over and moves his hair from his eyes.

“It’s okay Jim. You’ll talk to him after lunch and you’ll get the sale.” I smile slightly.

“You think so?” He looks up at me.

I nod and sighs when I hear the receptionist phone start ringing. Pam walks quickly out of the conference room and to our desk.

***

About an hour later I’m talking with Pam about her wedding plans when Michael walks out of the conference room. He calls us over so everyone in the room stands up and walks into the office. Jim waits for me. I walk up behind Toby and Jim steps into line behind me.

“All right? Everyone pretty? Come on. Here we go. It’s time. Let’s do some good.” Michael says, ushering us into the conference room.

“Hey, we’re not all going to sit in a circle Indian Style are we?” Toby says, laughing.

Michael says, with a straight face, “Get out.” 

Toby’s eyes widen, “I’m sorry.”

“No this is not a joke, okay? That was offensive and lame. So double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.” Michael says, pointing out the door. 

Toby sighs and turns, gently pushing past me and Jim. He walks out of the room and back over to his desk.

“Let’s go! Let’s do it. Come on. Let’s have some fun, everybody. Here we go. Take a seat. Cop a squat.” Michael says energetically.

Jim and I sit next to each other once again, but I didn’t bring my notebook this time. I am instantly regretting this. I lean back in my chair and cross my arms.

“Uh, thanks for coming in. Um Diversity...is the cornerstone of progress as I’ve always said. But don’t take my word for it. Let’s take a look at the tape.” Michael says leaning against a tv that was rolled in the room. 

He starts the tape and he comes onto the screen, standing in front of our Dunder Mifflin sign. I roll my eyes discreetly and watch tv. I tone out some of video because I know it was going to be boring but I look up when I hear something about Abe Lincoln.

“Abraham Lincoln once said that, ‘If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North.’ And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.” the video says.

Michael turns off the tv and looks at us. 

“Ok. Questions? Comments? Anybody?” Jim raises his hand. “Jim?”

“Uh, is that it?” He asks.

Michael nods, “Yes. I only had an hour to put it together but I’m going to add on to it later on.”

As time goes on, Kelly leaves, and Michael tries to get us to explain what race and nationality we are. I look over at Jim and sighs. He nods and uncrosses his arms.  He puts an arm behind me resting on my chair as we watch everything that is going on in the office. After Oscar and Michael fight over nationalities, we hear Jim’s phone go off. 

He quickly stands up and runs out of the room.

“Jim! Jim!” Michael sighs and holds up a board with note cards on it. “I have something here. I want you to take a card and put it on your fore-” He notices someone going to look at the card. “Don’t look at the card! I want you to take the card and put it on your forehead. Take a card, any card.” 

I stand up from my seat when Michael walks over to me.

“Take your card.” 

I stare at him for a second. “No.” 

I walk out of the room to Jim’s desk. I hear Michael say something like, ‘Okay..I knew that was coming’. I lean against his desk as he puts down the phone.

“Was it him?” 

He shakes his head no. “Nope. Someone trying to get prices on paper.” He sighs and leans back in his seat again. 

“It’s okay Jim. He’ll call.” I smile. “Come on. Lets listen to how stupid Michaels Diveristy Day is going.” He smiles a little and stands up. 

We walk the few steps to the door and listens in. I notice that Stanley has the card ‘Black’. Dwight has ‘Asian’. Pam has ‘Jewish’. I overhear Michael talking to Pam, who just tried to explain Dwight’s to him. She didn’t do a very good job.

I look at Jim confused. He just shrugs and we continue to watch. After a few minutes, Jim’s phone starts to ring again. He turns and quickly sits down, picking up the phone. 

He talks for a few minutes.

“Mr. Decker, we didn’t lose your sale today, did we? Excellent. Ok Let me just get your..what’s that?” He pauses. I bite my lip in anticipation. “No, we didn’t close last time. I just need your...Oh...W-what code were you given? Oh, ok. That’s actually another salesman here. I can redo it if you want that. Oh, he gave you a discount? No I don’t blame you.” He says goodbye and hangs up. 

I sigh and rub his back. “I’m sorry, Jim.” 

He looks up at me. He opens his mouth to speak but looks down. He stands up, opening his drawer where he kept the champagne bottle and puts it on Dwight’s desk.

“No...” I say, sadly. He just nods and pulls me in for a hug, laying his head on mine.

I rub his back and whisper. “Today’s Monday so I’ll grab dinner and swing by your house so we can watch basketball, okay?” 

He just nods against me. After a few minutes, he pulls away and smiles slightly. He then puts his hand on my lower back and ushers me into the conference room. We sit in the chairs against the window to the office and just listen to the discussion Michael is having. I lay my head against his shoulder. 

Next thing I know Jim is gently moving his shoulder. I look up.

“Hey.” He whispers, smiling.

“Oh, sorry. Hey.” I giggle slightly, moving off his shoulder.

“We can go.” He says. 

“Great.” I smile as I stand up, “I’ll grab dinner and go to your house?” 

“Great.” He stands up.

I smile and walk out, going straight for my desk. I grab my bag and my jacket, walking with Jim to our cars. He waves to me as I get into my car. I close my car door and grab my cell phone. I call the closest Seafood restaurant.

“Hello? Hi, I would like to make an order for Soft Shelled Crab?”

[terulakimban]

Hey, I saw your post about stopping teenage boys from making racist jokes and I was wondering how I could get my brother to stop. He's 13 and I'm 16 and I don't think he cares about what I think of him all that much. How can I get him to stop?

A few points of clarity here. When I made my addition before reblogging that post, I had no idea what kind of traction it was going to get or how far past the handful of people I interacted with it was going to go. Had I known those things, I would have phrased things different, added the additional context I added in a later reblog, or, most likely, not added my own commentary at all. Other relevant bits for my situation. I was, in these contexts, the only adult in the room, I was very new to the whole “being an adult” thing, I had no formal training as an educator and much of what was being said was actively harmful to other children present who were also my responsibility. Some of those points are still applicable. Furthermore, I am one stranger on the internet, I do not know you, your brother, or child psychology, and you should not take my advice as gospel.  My goal in “shut down the racist/sexist crap” was not “change this child’s mind” it was “there are other children who are legitimately threatened by some of what is being said who should not be subjected to the discussion of why this behavior is inappropriate because they live it.” I also note in that post that I already had a working relationship as mentor-figure with the kids who listened. That’s important, but that relationship has to be allowed to develop organically and not with the goal of “eventually mold the child.” These were kids who liked and looked up to me not because I wanted them to but because I treated them respectfully and we did not have extreme conflicts of personality. You’re a kid yourself. I hope, for your sake, that there are adults in your life who are good at establishing that kind of relationship (additional note, I am using ‘relationship’ in this post exclusively in the “general pattern of interactions between two people” sense), but in case they aren’t, I’m going to touch on that in here too.  The last thing I had going for me was that every single one of these boys 1) did not actually believe most of the crap he was spouting 2) really did want approval and attention from an authority figure and 3) was saying it to fit in with other children who routinely threw similar back at him and were not present. (Relevant context there, these incidents were primarily in a Jewish education environment.) I also had the advantage of being able to pull the kid aside after the fact and essentially have a “dude, what gives, I’m not going to call you out in class but where is all that coming from” talk. So, with context out of the way, advice as relating to your brother: the short answer is that “you can’t.” At least not if the goal is just “make him stop” on its own and you two aren’t friends and he doesn’t look up to you in any capacity. Elephant in the room first: if he actually believes what he’s saying, that’s out of your paygrade; that’s when you rope in your applicable trusted grownups and contact an organization like Life After Hate for advice. The rest of this post is written with the assumption that he probably doesn’t believe most of the bigoted things he says but he’s either learned that saying them gets responses or just picked them up somewhere and never thought about it. No matter what, if you’re the only person in his life saying “that’s not acceptable”, you are fighting an uphill battle. It might well be a hill worth dying on, but it won’t be easy.  The long answer is: “does he have a reason to care about what you think”. Is your relationship with him generally positive? Negative? Neutral? Do you just kind of inhabit the same space and not interact? Based on the relationship you currently have, do you see the two of you still being in touch of your own volition and not because other relative demand it once you’re both adults and not living together? It’s perfectly fine to say “nah, we’re not close and we’ll probably go our separate ways once we can”. That is a thing that happens sometimes and it is not inherently a question of fault or blame. But if you’d rather not have that happen, if he’s generally someone you like being around who just... sometimes says out of line crap that you don’t want to hear or is annoying or... I dunno, eats the leftovers you were saving, then focus on your relationship with him, not a one-way thing where you try to fix his behavior and he ignores you for being annoying.  Things kids should hear, when appropriate, from older people in their lives: “I’m sorry.” “You were right and I wasn’t, it’s [XYZ].” “Can you tell me more about/explain [thing kid is interested in that older person knows less about].” “Y’know, I haven’t considered that before.” “Good idea.” “Well done.” “I’m proud of you.” “Please.” “Thank you.” “That’s a good question.” And those things should be said sincerely -and without making a big deal of them. In other words, kids need to be treated like people. Y’all deserve to have your feelings acknowledged. You know adults aren’t perfect. You know we screw up. It does you and us no favors to pretend otherwise most of the time. (Disclaimer: I have never worked with children under the age of six, and even my experience with kids that young is limited. I don’t know if it’s actually good for preschoolers to pretend adults are infallible.) You deserve encouragement, not just criticism, and you deserve to have your effort acknowledged, even when you fail. And here’s the thing: if your relationship with someone is an entirely unilateral thing where they list off what’s wrong about you and you are expected to sit there and take it, eventually, they will snap. They might snap towards anger and they might snap towards anxiety and they might snap in some other way entirely, but it is not sustainable in the long-term.  So with all of that in mind, the actual answer? “Put that aside for now and focus on being a reliable friend-figure to your brother, if that (the relationship) is actually a thing you want.” Spend a bit more time together (or less if you two are stuck with waaaaay too much family time right now). Ask him about a hobby or interest of his that you don’t share. Ask to join him with one you do. If he thinks your friends are generally cool and it’s just that you, personally, have sibling-ick, include him periodically when y’all do stuff. You don’t have the authority to just make him stop doing objectionable things. More importantly, as another child in his life, that’s not your job. Down the road, if you’ve got a working relationship going and he says something bigoted, you can ask -and I do mean ask (as in, as sincerely and non-judgmentally as you can) -where he got that from/why he says it/if he believes it and then listen to his answer and let the conversation flow from there. And that conversation is hard, and that conversation is scary and the first time I had it as the adult, I had a shitload of internal panic of “oh god what if I say the wrong thing” going on that I very carefully did not express because that was my problem, not the kid’s, and at that point the kid needed a grown-up to listen to what was going on in his life and I was the one who’d gotten picked. But there’s no easy mute button in real life. (Fact.) Authoritarian “because I said so” is usually not going to work and tends to backfire. (Opinion.)

[mondofunnybooks]

MONDO FUNNYBOOKS; HITLER, BREXIT THE COMIC ,WEIRD INDIAN GAY PORN AND SADDAM HUSSEIN ON AN OSTRICH!

There was a time where comic creators worked to cause up a stink. Keith Giffen shot a comic (We're still after one, please, Dave or anyone else who worked for Blackball.) Kevin Maguire made ALL of Steve Rogers embossed. Spawn shipped 2 issues out of order. Lobo punched God in the face. Kyle Rayner became a Green Lantern. Barry Windsor Smith said some of the early Image Comics were a bit rubbish while promoting his new book 'Storyteller'. Youngblood: Year One would feature fully painted art by Rob Liefeld, akin to just released hit 'Marvels', featuring painted art by Alex Ross. Tom DeFalco famously declared his new ongoing from Marvel, 'Sleepwalker', would be 'Sandman' done right.

Copies of Sleepwalker are usually found in cheap bins across the Western hemisphere so feel free to judge for yourself how successful he was with that.

But for our money, nobody stirred up trouble like Gregarious Grant Morrison. His interview alongside Mark Millar with Comics World to promote their upcoming mini-series 'Skrull Kill Krew' remains one of the funniest moments of 'What a load of old bollocks this is!' vindictiveness since John Buscema told everyone in his art class to swipe since 'this stuff ain't going in the Lourve, pal.' Some of the less informed American hype rags attempted to suggest that SKK was the natural sequel to Zenith since it would see Morrison reunite with his partner in crime: Steve Yeowell.

Which either means they didn't know, or thought it wiser not to mention a strip that ran in Crisis circa 1990 called 'New Adventures Of Hitler'.

We'll come back to Crisis in more depth because it's probably the answer to the question a lot of the UK retailers are asking at the moment: How do we get people reading comics again. Crisis or something like it would be a good attempt, featuring a ton of original strips in a format that didn't suggest it ought to be stocked amongst a bunch of plastic bags full of toys and a magazine. Crisis also featured two of our favourite stories: 'Dare' which finished off from the sadly cancelled Revolver (Again, more another time.) as created by Grant and Rian Hughes and 'Trip To Tulum'. Which oddly was the only way to find the English translation of the collaboration by Milo Manara and Federico Fellini for quite a long time. God knows how they even got that in the first place.

NAH featured in issues 46-49 and surprised a few newsagents opening their delivery at 5am across the UK when confronted with 'Mr Hitler's Holiday', featuring your man from The Third on a bike against a dirty lurid purple cover. NAH concerned itself with Adolf taking a trip to Liverpool from 1912-1913 and learning a few tricks about fascism from the English while reality warps itself silly around the wee lad. Morrisey shows up singing 'Heaven Knows i'm Miserable Now'. A bunch of randoms begin chanting 'Hitler Has Only Got One Ball' on a bus he's on leaving the future Fuhrer mystified and mortified.

'NAH' originally ran in something called 'Cut' magazine but one of the editors, also someone from a band called 'Hue & Cry' having a strop so either 'Cut' itself stopped or at least stopped running the story. In any event, it migrated over to Crisis. It's rather excellent and while we don't know who owns the rights to it, it's one of those things that really ought to be in print.

Speaking of which......

Those more in the know will have to explain it to us, because the common answer is 'Because Grant and Mark aren't friends anymore.' and we're not sure that's how book publishing works, but the question is obviously 'Why isn't Big Dave in print?' If ANY comic were a timely insight into the mindset of the Brexit voting population of the UK, 'Big Dave' prophetically nails it like a time bullet fired from 1993. Essentially a high budget Viz strip beautifully pencilled by Steve Parkhouse, BD is a series of increasing ludricious adventures featuring that wide necked bloke in an England shirt with a bulldog tattooed to his forehead you see every St George's Day with a copy of The Sun in his back packet. It is ludicriously sexist, homophobic, racist and pro-monarchy.

Or at least the character is. Quite a few people seemed to confuse 'the portrayal of an attitude' with 'the glorfication of same attitude'. 2000AD apparently getting a bit narky if you bring this not being in print up. Frankly, if you don't find Dave having a threesome with Princess Di and Sarah Ferguson funny, you're probably reading the wrong column. We'd like to see this back in print. And please, please do not feel compelled to update this strip the same way 'DR & Quinch' was earlier this year. We'll stick that little relaunch in the same bin as the 'Femme Fatales/What if our artists swiped from Loaded and stuck some 2000AD related costumes on the art.' supplement from 1994, aye?

Finally, we go from the unreprintable to the never even published and perhaps not even written!

Unless somebody does something incredible, we will probably go to our graves saying that 'Kill Your Boyfriend' by Morrison & Bond is the best single story in comics ever published. This, before old men start getting heart attacks, does not include long form series, mini-series, single graphic novels, cartoon strips, etc. In terms of a story that starts, continues and ends in one issue with no knowledge of any other comic ever published, KYB is it. It brings up and destroys the notion of the personality as anything other than a series of reactions to various traumas and conditioning far faster than 'The Dice Man' does and with much funnier results. It could be read as the documentation of how a good acid trip will crack the inner monologue of the ego and set your inner self free, if you were of such a mind. It's certainly one of the best things Vertigo ever did.

'KYB' was part of a line called 'Vertigo Voices' published in 1995. The other books were 'Faces' by Pete 'Shade' The Changing Man'* Milligan and Duncan 'Oh, all the good things' Fegredo a book about why is plastic surgery and what does it say about us that we've conditioned ourselves to believe that there is such a thing as an imperfect face. Also 'Tainted' by Delano and Davidson (we've not read it, but the line up is well sound) and another book that we'll come back to in a bit but what's relevant here is that there was meant to be another comic in this line.

That comic would have been 'Bizarre Boys' by Grant Morrison, Pete Milligan and Jamie Hewlett.

The legend is that a suitably refreshed Grant and Pete were out in India and were looking around at various stalls filled with magazines, amidst the chaos the publication 'Bizarre Boys' caught their eye and was so outlandish (we're not Googling it, but nor are we stopping you from doing so.) that they committed right there to sell a comic with the same title to Vertigo. It got as far as being previewed in Spin Nov 1994 along with talk of an Invisibles TV Show (and come on. PLEASE. Netflix has cleared the deck of all the boring Marvel Superhero things so now is the PERFECT time for the adventures of Lord Fanny And The Other Ones.) but somewhere along the line it simply dropped from the publication schedule with no word of why, although as the comic was to be a fictional biography of Milligan and Morrison's alter egos, it's suggested that they were too busy living the life to settle down long enough to document.

We'd have to make the point that an oral account of the Vertigo offices circa 1994-1996 as spoken by Pete and Grant while drawn by Jamie would be a far more interesting thing to bring us back to the shops for new comics than, well, Tank Girl or Green Lantern.

The following pitch ran as part of The Time Is Now: DC Comics' Editorial Presentation 1994.

'Here's the solicitation copy for Bizarre Boys, which ran as part of The VERTIGO does what it does best in VERTIGO VOICES - a new umbrella title for four distinctive one-shots - where four of VERTIGO's most creatively deranged writers give voice to their most outrageous, gripping and graphic imaginings. Each "VOICE" delivers its own sound, in turn hyperreal, darkly disturbing, irreverent, and biting. FACE is the first "VOICE" to be heard, followed by KILL YOUR BOYFRIEND, and closing with BIZARRE BOYS. These are stories with sounds all their own, tearing a jagged rip through reality.

BIZARRE BOYS, VERTIGO VOICES' most irreverent title, is a story within a story within a story. It's about some fictional characters called the Bizarre Boys, and about the writers who write them and about the writers who are writing about the writers... There are two voices telling the tale of BIZARRE BOYS, and they don't agree with each other at all.

BIZARRE BOYS is a comic about a comic and about the process of putting together a comic. It's a sparkling tapestry of post-modernism and a fast- moving breathless chase across time and space.

It all takes place - naturally - on Bizarre Boys Day, when writers Peter Milligan (SHADE, THE CHANGING MAN) and Grant Morrison (THE INVISIBLES) join forces with artist Jamie Hewlett (SHADE, THE CHANGING MAN, Tank Girl) to tell the tale of two writers called Millison and Morrigan, and their fabulous creations, The Bizarre Boys. Echoing James Joyce's Bloomsday, whatever events happen on Bizarre Boys Day also happen in the comic.

As the two writers begin their quest for the fantastic Bizarre Boys, whose sweat contains miraculous healing and hallucinogenic properties, these latter-day Brothers Grimm weave some dissolute modern fairy tales, take the wraps off the creative process itself, and tell a joke or three.'

We're told by inside sources that elements of 'Bizarre Boys' ran in the final book of The Vertigo Voices line: 'The Eaters' as drawn by Dean Ormston and Pete Milligan.

And that's us for now. What do YOU think? Should these projects remain in the dustbin of FunnyBook History? Maybe Kickstarters, er, started to try and release them as independent books (Lord knows if Cyberfrog can be a thing again, then...) Amazon have begun publishing comics directly from creators like Kyle Baker and Rick Veitch, which could sidestep the whole 'Comics are for kids so why is this in Sainsbury's!?' furor all over again. Image has put out some fairly anondyne nonsense lately and could do with something like this in their line-up. Let us know in the comments and as ever we'll see you in The FunnyPages.

(Big Dave ran as part of 2000AD's 'Summer Offensive' in 1993, some of the most fun the Progs have ever been. Big Dave features in the following issues*:)

"Target Baghdad" (with Steve Parkhouse, in 2000 AD #842–845, 1993) "Monarchy in the UK" (with Steve Parkhouse, in 2000 AD #846–849, 1993) "Young Dave" (with Steve Parkhouse, in 2000AD Yearbook 1994, 1993) "Costa del Chaos" (with Anthony Williams, in 2000 AD #869–872, 1994) "Wotta Lotta Balls" (with Steve Parkhouse, in 2000 AD #904–907, 1994)

*according to Wiki, anyway.

'New Adventures Of Hitler' can be found in Crisis: #46 - 49.

[timeisacephalopod]

1 & 99 for the Get In My Business Please question list?

The meaning behind my url:

If you’re talking my writing blog URL its literally just what my AO3 name is, which was chosen when I was 18 and liked Criminal Minds a lot. In hindsight it was a bad choice but I can’t change it now lmao. If you’re talking my personal blog (ridingcthulhudick) I just thought it was hilarious. And if anyone quoted my blog in an actual publication they’d have to print that my blog name is not appropriate lmao.

Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?

When I got this question I was like ‘do you answer on your phone’ and decided no because I have some fucking tales ok. You guys have all heard about this person if you’ve followed me for awhile- this is the person that I called on racism and she didn’t show up to school for a week after. But that is really only the tip of the ice berg.

So I meet this person at the beginning of my school year, who like me is named after a season, and she’s odd- wearing a cowboy hat with all these fandom pins and ok. That’s strange but ok. Then she starts talking, goes on an on about her kids, I discover that she’s 27 but if I were to age her by actions, style of dress, and mannerisms I’d put her at 17 and that’s only because she was in post secondary so that’s the youngest she could be. Otherwise I would have gone 15. And she has 2 kids. So ok. I leave and something is off about her but people can be eclectic and I don’t like being judgmental so I leave it be and let her actions speak for themselves rather than jumping to conclusions.

Class starts and she never. Shuts. The. Fuck. Up. And I don’t mean like useful advice, or even interesting facts that are irrelevant to the class but at least neat to know like another student in the class does. I mean every. Fucking. Thing. Out of her mouth is useless. So we all decide she’s annoying amongst each other and we all start to back away slowly.

Now we may seem like dickheads at this point but keep in mind, within a week, we all knew these things about her: she has 2 kids that were taken by child services and she complains about it a lot, she has an obsession with tiny houses, she’s a bronie and sometimes takes commissions for bronie porn, she’s a furry- which isn’t inherently bad but combined with the rest it just becomes another weird thing about her, she’s homophobic but also pansexual (??), she has a fiancee, but maybe also 2 boyfriends, we still aren’t sure and we’ve found her scrolling in dating sites, she’s an artist but I literally drew better at 12 (though in her slight defense I am naturally gifted at drawing), she tried to start a conversation with a friend of mine about incest on a busy street, and has a weird obsession with The Human Centipede. This isn’t even all of it, this is just the first fucking week.

So the semesters go by and in my school they’re 3 months long, which is a little shorter than normal universities, and we just got through our 3rd term. Here is what we know now. She lives in a small city (a couple hundred thousand people), but talks about it like its a small ass town like the one I came from (which is under 2000 people). Another student lives in the same city and has no fucking clue what she’s talking about. She’s sexist and racist (like hella racist- once she claimed that because she grew up with some Natives in her life she is one. That’s not how it works, and given how confused she seems to be on various cultural aspects that I know of from Natives in our area- which is admittedly not a lot I will full well acknowledge- this is a total lie). And she’s L O S T on all social cues. And not in a way where some people, like people on the autistic spectrum, are- I mean she intentionally has ignored social rules her whole fucking life and expects everyone to compensate for her bullshit kind of way.

And that’s a whole other thing. Not only is she racist, sexist, and homophobic, but she also has this obsession with bullying. She’s always on about high school (mostly in regards to herself- I will remind you all she’s 27) and bullying and has, on several occasions, defended school shooters and claimed they did it because bullying. As your local queer kid in a small, very homophobic town, eat shit bud white boys don’t school shoot because they were bullied- signed every other minority ever. Anyways. This grates my nerves and keep in mind I am a patient person, so I don’t like being That Guy. But there comes a point where I can’t morally or logically stand by when you’re an asshole. So a friend of mine from class was talking racism and she goes on what is essentially a #NotAllWhitePeople rant, claiming we should leave racism in the past and focus on the now, blah, blah. So I was like no, we have to examine the past because it continues to influence the present- to break this down into a smaller event this would be like a person in an abusive relationship focusing on processing their trauma and moving on from it- you gotta acknowledge the past to move forward.

WELL, she was not having this so I called her racist, because she continued on pulling the ‘colorblind’ argument, which is a fucking cop out so I said it. She was all ‘that’s my OPINION’ so I was like well then your opinion is racist, like shit son don’t hit me with that crap. In this exchange we’ve traded a good four sentences or so back and forth and the student that was originally talking racism (and the only brown person in this discussion) offered a single sentence of support for my argument. But she was silent for most of it. Well once More Annoying Tomi Lauren stomped off we find out she whined and cried about the brown woman eating her ass when it was my lily white ass that went all in. I was pissed.

Anyways. So we’ve established that she’s an asshole, and also weird as fuck. Lets run a highlight reel of this person: obsessed with tiny houses, general asshole, also emotionally manipulative but I didn’t even get time to cover that, looks and acts like a particularly annoying 15 year old (I’m so sorry to 15 year olds, you all deserve better than being lumped in with this), has an obsession with bullying but defends her racism (???), has the aesthetic of someone who shops at Claires and the lost and found exclusively, every single character she writes is a self insert (and I hadn’t covered that either- fuck I have tales ok), constantly monopolizes class time by yapping about shit no one cares about, thinks the Big Bang Theory is a good show, can’t take criticism for shit, and has more confidence than Joss Whedon when he wrote Age of Ultron.

There is more people- I didn’t actually touch on the emotional manipulation, which often links in with the bullying obsession, or any of the self inserts let alone her actual attempts at story. I didn’t even touch on all her racist Facebook posts or that time she whined about the gender neutral Canadian anthem (changed recently), which resulted in my sourcing that the fucking anthem was gender neutral when it was written, then was changed, and is now being changed back so at least know the fucking history of the anthem before whining and crying about it being changed. This is just what I remembered off the top of my head.

A friend and I from class once went out with a bud of his and we were talking about her and halfway through I realized she sounds fake. It sounds like writers all sat down in a room and were like ‘what pile of weird and asshole traits can we give a person?’ and then we created her. But we did not, we would not intentionally let ourselves suffer that way. And, AND, this is key- you’ve all read my writing here. You know I can create whole worlds with various levels of efficacy- I’ve written almost 200 stories that I’ve put on my AO3- but I simply am not creative enough to invent this person. I never would have combined ‘racist, self insert writing, tiny house obsessed person who thinks the Human Centipede is a movie that makes you think’. I wish that last part was a fucking joke but that’s deadass a quote. It is not a movie that makes you think. Wolf of Wall Street is a movie that makes you think assuming you figure out its a satire intentionally making fun of every white male power fantasy ever, not the fucking human centipede.

Conclusion: If you are so generally off the rails that a writer who prefers writing fantasy and science fiction is not creative enough to have invented you you are Some Shit ok. Like Hannibal Lecter is a character someone invented and that guy probably couldn’t have come up with my seasonal nemesis ok. There’s just too much to unpack there and she’s too willing to throw it all at us like a monkey flinging turds. I can’t believe this is a real human being. I wish I didn’t know she was, but if I have to suffer so do all of you.

[innuendostudios]

The next video in my series on Alt-Right rhetorical strategies. You can help this series come out regularly, as well as support my other work, by backing me on Patreon.

Transcript below the cut.

Say, for the sake of argument, there's this feminist media critic whose work you respect. Being an internet-savvy human in the information age, you sometimes share your opinions of her work on your various social media platforms. And you've noticed, whenever you speak positively of her, many different people come out to yell the same handful of things at you.

It usually starts with, "How can you support that conwoman after she stole thousands of dollars from people?"

And you say, "No, she didn't steal anything, she ran a crowdfunding campaign that people contributed willingly to, and overwhelmingly those people seem satisfied with their donations."

And they say, "Yeah, she asked for a hundred thousand dollars for a shitty little project."

And you say, "No, she got a hundred thousand, because people got excited about her work and gave her more than she asked for, but the original pitch was only 10k. Also, how many times have you given that number to people without looking it up?"

And they say, "Yeah, she asked for 10k and then never finished anything."

And you say, "No, she finished the project earlier this year. Of course it took longer than it was originally pitched, you get ten times what you ask for you’re kind of obligated to make a bigger project, because, if you didn't, that would be running away with ninety grand..."

Now, by this time you’ve noticed your interlocutor's position has changed from "she stole from people" to "she asked too much to begin with" to "she took too long to deliver" as though these are all the same argument. You also notice the pattern of the conversation: he says something short, quippy, and wrong, you give a detailed correction, he says something else short, quippy, wrong, and only tangentially related to his last point, and the cycle repeats itself. This goes on and on.

And it's not, you've noticed, just this discussion; you find this manner of argument often whenever you express left-of-center beliefs. You talk about the election, someone says you vote Democrat because you must have a conservative father you hate; you talk about polyamory, someone says if you have more than one female partner you must be a sexist; or they just say you're faking a non-regional accent. (I don’t understand that one, either.)

The running theme here is all these people who ostensibly want a frank exchange of ideas spend a lot more time making accusations than asking questions. Because, why ask what you believe when they can tell you what you believe and make you correct them? And if you ever don’t correct them, must be because they’re right.

And you're not naive; you see what's going on here. This isn't about conversation, it's about boxes. When you say something cogent that they don't agree with, and they get the sinking feeling that you might start making sense, they need a reason not to listen to you. So they reach for a box to stick you in: dishonest feminism, fake progressivism, daddy-issue liberalism. No one in those boxes is worth listening to, which means, as long as they've got you in one, they're not at risk of having their minds changed. This isn’t even an argument with you, not really; their presenting themselves with arguments for why they don't have to listen to you.

So your first reflex is to defy their expectations. "Actually, my dad was a draft-dodging hippie who told me he loved me every day." "And I never said what genders my partners are but I promise they're all feminists." "As for my accent- actually, I don't know what to do with the accent thing." But the point is, “I refuse to fit in your box.” And if they can't put you in one, if they can't dismiss you outright, they'll have to engage with your argument.

But if you've spent any time arguing with angry dudes online you know what I'm about to say: They don’t. This accusatory, condescending attitude never falters. Because a technique that has permeated anti-progressivism is to Never Play Defense.

Now don't get me wrong, what I said about the Right fitting the Left into simplified boxes as a way of preserving their own egos, I do think that's a thing, at least for many people much of the time. And I think the reassurance it brings is why the technique stays so popular. But that framing is about how individual people are feeling in isolated moments, and leaves out the larger game that's being played. Because there is a long-term strategic value to never playing defense, and it's less to do with arguments than with attitude.

From your perspective, this debate about the feminist is a joke. This guy doesn't know what he's talking about, he comes in hot without confirming any of his assumptions, the whole conversation is you repeatedly schooling an ignorant dipshit. But that's only if you’re the fool who listens to what’s actually being said. Never Play Defense is a strategy that looks past language to posture; the tone, word choice, even the expressions on your faces. If you half-focus your eyes and look not at the words but the flow of the conversation, you can see the dynamic at play:

He says his short, quippy statement, and you give your detailed rebuttal. He then picks a single point from your response and attacks that as the new subject. Now, to an onlooker, the logical brain would register that he's leaving 90% of your argument on the table, and that, by changing positions, he's conceding he lost the first round. But the lizard brain notices that he's always making the accusations, always in the dominant position, that he's always acting and you're always reacting. Regardless of what is said, he displays all the outward signs of winning. So, on a purely emotional level, he leaves the impression of being right.

I have never had an argument look like this that wasn’t in public. This is a technique that means speaking not so much to the other person as to the people watching. Liberals tend to operate as though voters are beings of pure reason, and neglect that rational people still have emotions, and those emotions factor into what they believe. And that long after this argument is over, when people only half-remember what was said, what lingers on is what impressions the speakers made.

Ronald Reagan coined the phrase, "If you're explaining, you're losing." The trick is, if he's always accusing, then you're always explaining.

This technique of winning by looking like you’re winning is not new, and, historically, it's been used by both parties. But modern liberals seem especially susceptible to it because it plays on one of their big weaknesses, which is - and I say this with love - the liberal fantasy of putting someone in their place.

Any time a free speech warrior gets the Bill of Rights quoted to them, when a racist gets "historical accuracy" explained by an actual historian, liberals take screencaps. We put it on Storify. We pass that shit around like theater popcorn. We live for the day an ignorant prick gets dunked on.

I remind you: this was the central conceit of an entire TV show. [West Wing clip.]

But let me ask you: in all these scenarios, who's doing all the explaining?

The reason scenes like this are so satisfying is precisely because they activate the emotions. Everyone wants to be Joseph Welch telling off McCarthy, where an appeal to reason looks like winning. But the Right has learned that, if you never look like you’re losing, you can convince a lot of people that you’re not. And, if you keep your statements short and punchy, people will remember what you said better than they remember the long explanation of why it’s untrue. If done correctly, you might even convince yourself you know what you’re talking about.

Now, again, this is not exclusive to the Right - this is how most teenagers argue regardless of their politics, where it’s less important to be right than it is to be better than someone. But mixed with Control the Conversation - see previous video - the Right has a full-bodied cocktail for manipulating how the Left argues.

But where it gets dangerous is in how the Alt-Right has capitalized on this.

This argument isn’t just about sticking a woman in the Lying Feminism box so she doesn’t have to be listened to, it’s also signaling to anyone watching what box they should stick her in. Even if an onlooker recognizes that she literally did not con anyone out of their money, the idea that how much she asked for and how long she took to deliver are relevant to her credibility is still planted in their heads. It subtly suggests that, the next time they feel threatened by a female media critic, maybe they should look at how much money she makes, how long her work takes to produce; maybe they don’t have to listen to her, because they’ve got this handy box.

So what’s most valuable to the Alt-Right is not who wins or loses any individual argument, it’s the mechanics of the argument itself; it’s the boxes. Over the last several years the far Right has pushed hard on a number of reductive categories: the Cultural Marxism box, the Reverse Racism box, even terms like “beta” and “mangina” are just shorthands for the Failed Masculinity box. The Alt-Right is a box factory, putting huge swaths of Leftist rhetoric, most especially that that would rebut their core positions, into categories where they can be summarily ignored.

These myths have power if and only if they are immediately recognizable to a lot of people. One function of this aggressive posturing is that they want to provoke an argument, to be so pompous that you’re itching to publicly take this asshole down, which gives that asshole access to your followers. It’s about them introducing a myth to your audience and reinforcing that myth for theirs. And that myth gets spread even when you feel like you’re winning.

I can’t tell you the best way to deal with this, but I do know one way, which is to keep control of your own story. When someone comes out the gate with accusations, it’s a big red flag that they are not arguing in good faith. You are not required to argue with them. When someone says something untrue, you can just tell your audience what the truth is without acknowledging the lie or the one repeating it. A detailed explanation lands a lot better when it’s not being contrasted with a sound bite. Decide for yourself how your audience gets acquainted with a popular fiction, and never be too proud to delete a comment.

In this political climate, these debates have real impact on real people’s lives. They’re not, in fact, a game of football. So if someone tries to force you to play defense, you don’t have to play.

[knightofbalance-13]

http://dudeblade.tumblr.com/post/166151533694/some-of-my-personal-thoughts

Kudos to anyone who can hype themselves up for volume 5, because after how much of a letdown volume 4 was for me, I don’t want to risk myself getting disappointed. It made me get angry at a… certain part in volume 4, and overhyping myself probably isn’t going to be good for my health.

I don’t buy this for a fucking second: All you’ve done is lie and ignore facts just so you can claim to be disappointed and shove your agenda down people’s throats. You want to be disappointed so you can berate the show and as you have shown, you’ll do anything to keep up that narrative.

In all honesty, you should just go to one of the other toxic fandoms like Voltron or Steven Universe: At least the people there know not to take your ass seriously.

Look, these guys have made a name for themselves. As much as people would like to think that Roosterteeth is this massive company, they’re still just an indie company with a (relatively) small amount of people, and not a whole lot of effort going to the right places.

And yet you set up standards that not even big budget shows with large groups of people and massive companies backing them could live up to and when someone calls you out, you throw a hissy fit. Remember when I pointed out that RWBY was doing just as well as shows like Korra and such despite the numerous disadvantages the show has? You threw a hissy fit and lied throughout the whole thing. And yet you think I’ll take this seriously? The way I see it: you’re starting to get it through your fucking skull that your voice is not only a part of a vocal minority that is growing more despised everyday but said voice is being exposed in their bullshit and their credibility is tanking.

Boo fucking hoo.

Red vs. Blue was their first project. They told so much with so little. They didn’t have famous voice actors or fancy fight animations, they just did it in a Halo engine. I explain this because, if it hadn’t been for this, they would never be as big as it is now.

You talk as though RT only got famous off the work of another. Red Vs. Blue succeeded because it was funny and endearing and is still followed and loved to this day due to years of fantastic comedic timing and writing. And if I may point out: The only redeeming factor about RWBY was it’s action scenes in the first Volume. It only survived because of the action scenes which gave them enough time to develop and grow.

Nobody wants to see the same repetitiveness that is coming out of their (relatively) new flagship show. It’s starting to get a bit repetitive. Establishing character moments for characters that have already been established, introducing characters when we already have enough characters who don’t have enough development. How long until even the most dedicated fan gets tired of the same old “Just wait! You’ll get your LGBT+ Representation. Trust us!” and joins the overly critical part of the rwde tag (Which is basically just the crtq tag to be honest (HEY-YO!))?

Never happened. Characters were never reintroduced that way. Seriously, name one instance.

While I might agree with that: The RWDE tag has proven time and time again they don’t know what the concept of a “one off” character is. Characters like CFVY, NDGO, SSN and so on have been cited as characters without development when they were never meant to be developed at all.

And what do you say about fans who have stuck this long? Weiss rose? hawkeyedflame? They are all examples of long term fans that go against you rnarrative. What does that say when the few who do leave do so for petty reasons like the setting changed, the show got darker or that a character died?

Gee, I don’t remember the last time anyone using the crtq tag sucide baited someone. Or lied, Or misinformed. Or attacked the creators. Or attacked someone for having a different opinion. Or showing a lack of human decency. guess you couldn’t stand there being a better version of you out there huh?

How much longer can this keep happening? It’s starting to feel as if they don’t want to plan ahead. The recent Yang Trailer fiasco being enough proof. They could have had done all the trailers a month ahead of time so that we could have time to let it sink in, and talk about it and stuff. But instead, we’re jumping right into it, then getting the official Volume 5 trailer right after. This scheduling thing is starting to become a bit of an issue here. They seem to write things without thinking ahead of how this would play out.

What fiasco? The trailer isn’t even out yet and mind you, the ORIGINAL trailers were spaced the same way. SO if you had no problems then, you should have no problems now.

And considering the RWDE tag talks about shit like the “asset stealing” and Shane’s Letter like their hotcakes: you don’t care about that kind of discussion. And considering it takes the average trailer a day to be dissected and reviewed by everyone: Its life span isn’t as long as you claim it to be.

“Hey! How should we write this scene here?”

“The one where Blake is about to open up to her parents?”

“Yeah, actually, we didn’t have the time yesterday to write what she was going to say, can we have Sun interrupt her instead?”

“Sure, I guess. What should it be for? Important information? The White Fang are there, maybe he saw something-”

“No. Just have him use some excuse because he’s eavesdropping. We have this hilarious joke planned out where Blake’s sister-”

“Mother.”

“-Whatever, does the exact same thing. It’ll be funny!”

“Wait, you had the time to plan that, but not the time to figure out what Blake is going to say to her father? Why not ask Arryn? She knows Blake inside and out. Maybe she has some suggestions.”

“What? And have her cut into my-”

“Our.”

“MY writing pay? HA! No thank you!”

“Alright man. You’re the head writer.”

“Yeah. Yeah I am.”

One Week Later…

“Okay, so how about we have Sun try to explain that he had valuable information about the White Fang-”

*THUNK!*

“Why do you have your head on your desk right now?”

Except if you look at what Blake said in EPisode 11, you’d know from the context of both conversations that what Blake said to Sun about leaving her team because she didn’t want to hurt them (You know, the question ghira asked) I her answer. And if ypu paid any attention to anything that isn’t a white male for you to screech at, you'd notice that Ghira and Kali have the EXACT same relationship as Blake and Sun does: Ghira being the serious, driven but socialy awkward one and Kali being the easy going, joking, social adapted one. Thus that joke is to show their paralells. If you were as critical as you say, you’d notice it. I did the very instant it happened, why can’t you?

I hope you liked my sketch of how I personally think that whole discussion went down. I had fun writing it.

And I had fun using it to show you have nno critical skills whatsoever. Keep going, you’re just proving me right. I would have also said: “Probably the same way a political party slanders it’s opponent like a group of immature children.”

And speaking of fun, I think that the writers aren’t having any of it. I think they need some new blood in the writing room, and maybe get some women into their female-centered show or maybe some people who aren’t white to help better portray their entire fictional race that acts as a stand-in for ALL RACIAL MINORITIES. - I’m still bitter about that if you couldn’t tell.Â

Does that mean that Steven universe should kick off Rebecca Suagr because Steven is a male?

Or that their shouldn’t be a single male writer for MLP?

Or that characters like Tex and Carolina should have never been made because RvB is male centered?

Or that Monty, a man, shouldn’t have made a female centered show at all?

See, when you automatically assume that only women can write women and vice versa, not only do you limit what a creator do as well as spit on RWBY’s message of freedom of expression but it also implies you think that women and men are entirely different and that they can’t share any personality traits or experiences or anything the other gender. Which is basically the definition of sexism: Same thing goes with the race thing. And funniest thing is: Both women and racial minorities disagree with you so you exposed yourself as a racist and a sexist for nothing.

How much longer can the fanbase be baited for the representation that they outright promised several times? I mean, have you seen the notes section of this post for their Q&A? There’s a split between the people who are (rightfully) pointing out that they said this last time, and still haven’t delivered, and others who are basically saying “They said ‘yes.’ Now shut up!” How much longer can they keep this up? How much longer until even their most die-hard fans start to question them on their ability to write a character in the LGBT+ community? At this rate, I don’t think it can last for very long.

So the side that ahs attacked them numerous times while demanding they make a Mary Sue while demanding it e clevery written is better than the side that respects the creators wishes and treats the as human beings? Because considering you have used LGBT people despite not being LGBT: You shouldn’t be one to talk.

And there you go again, putting yourself. You do seriously think that every LGBT person who watches RWBY watches it for an LGBT character and not the animaton, the music, the characters and their personalities, the plot or the world? Because if you do (and considering your history, you do): You think every LGBT person thinks the same way, acts the same way and wants the same thing. That’s homophobia you idiot. Congrats on seeing nothing but their sexuality and disrespecting their individuality.

Look, these guys seriously need to either get their act together, or someone needs to create some competition major for them. It’s getting obvious that they can be lazy with how they’re scheduling things because there’s no other American-Made Anime around to compete with them. If someone can create a show that can compete with RWBY for a Streamy, then they would be forced to improve and take harder criticisms.

Except that even in Japan, RWBY is booming even with conpetitors like My hero Academia, a Shounen anime written by a guy taught by the writer of One Piece, and Dragon ball Super, the successor to the anime that BIRTHED SHounen as we know it. It has been acknowledged by the creator of Blazblue of all people And that’s all with an admitted shotty translation. So what’s your excuse for that?

And by harsher criticism, you mean your personal opinions you want to force on the CRWBY. Because not once have you made a critique that wasn’t riddled with misinformation, edited parts and even outright lying all while even admitting you have a personal bias. You don’t care about RWBY: You just want to control.

It’ll be a win for everyone. Rwde will finally tone it down a notch because their voices are being heard and taken into bigger consideration, anti-rwde will calm down due to initial rwde’s calmness, fans will see improvement, and the actual show will improve. The show has to improve. Because if all it’s going to do is introduce new characters to avoid giving development to ones that need it (Sage and Scarlet), then those characters may as well just be killed off… I hope to every single God that I didn’t just give them an idea.

Except RWDE doesn’t deserve to have their voices heard. You’ve all done irredeemable shit to the point I salivate at the thought of the LGBT character being introduced so I can indulge in my sadism.  You’ve all shown a disturbing lack of human decency and respect to the point you think it okay to suicide bait people and use the dead for your own purposes. You lost the right to have your voices heard a long time ago: to the point you’re finally understanding youll never be heard so you pull this bullshit to manipulate people into hearing.

Well, let me say: You could start apologizing right now and continue until the end of Volume 9 and you wouldn’t be forgiven so nice fucking try.

[roidespd-blog]

Chapter Nineteen : FRANCE TODAY

Third and final part of our absolutely tiring saga on France and its LGBTQ+community. As we came to talk about everything in the past tense, from the rise of the Gay Rights Movements, the AIDS epidemic to the Mariage pour Tous, now is the time to explore the present and what’s ahead of us. After that, no more France (Maybe. Probably. Let me fake promise that real quick.)

THE LAST FIVE YEARS

Let’s put it all out there right now. Acts of homophobic nature have been in constant high ever since the massive Mariage pour Tous debate. Although you saw a 38% drop from 2013 to 2014, it went up again in 2015 and never stopped. In the annual report from S0S Homophobie (which “celebrates” its 25 years of existence. Condragulations ?) for 2018, homophobic violence was up 15% from the year before. 1905 people reported various forms of abuse. I was one of them. Twice. Physical attacks against LGBTQ+ people were up 66%, from 131 to 231, with one attack reported per day in the last semester. It now seems like homophobia and intolerance are part of our french DNA.

The internet site Spartacus publishes each year a ranking of the most welcoming LGBTQ+ countries in the world. It judges said countries on fourteen different issues that constitute the basis of the Queer movement (Anti-discrimination Laws. Marriage/Civil Partnerships. Adoption. Transgender Rights. Equal Age of Consent. Religious Influence. HIV Travel Restrictions. Anti-Gay Laws. Homosexuality. Illegality. Pride Banned. Locals’ Hostility. ProsecutionMurders. Death Sentence). In 2018, France was a sixth most welcoming country for LGBTQ+ travelers. A year later, it was ranked seventeenth. It seems that our lower ranking is due to the hostility of our citizens towards LGBTQ+ people. In fact, off the top 24 countries (out of 197), we’re the only one to get a -1 in that category — For the record, the last on the list is Chechnya, with a staggering -5 on the death sentence column.

Insults. Rejection. Ignorance. Defamation. Discrimination. Harassment. Outings. This is French LGBTQ+ people’s daily bread. Is that the price to pay for equal recognition under the law ?

WHAT’S UP WITH THE PEOPLE ?

If interested, I urge you to read the SOS Homophobe report for 2018. It’s a hefty 164 pages but it’s full of precious informations. So. The people. LGBTQ+ populations are still being persecuted, but this time it comes from the people. “Positively”, a trending fact for 2018 was the victims’ courage to speak out and report those attacks either on social media or to the police. One might say that the report seems more alarming because people speak out more, contrary to previous years. Fuck those people. It’s alarming. End of sentence. But if victims go more and more to social media to denounce injustices, social media is still a nest of hateful speeches from the scum of the earth. “La propagande des sodomites en action” posted one homophobe on Facebook. “Dommage qu’on ne soit pas dans les années 30 en Allemagne” said another about a 19 year-old lesbian girl outed on the same platform. “Les gens comme toi, on les brûle, on les viole”.

In November 2018, Bilal Hassani was chosen to represent France at this year’s Eurovision. Hassani is an openly gay genderfuckin singer-songwriter with a youtube channel where he talks about everything and anything. After the announcement, death threats, homophobic and racist tweets were invading his social media. The singer then posted a video talking about it, complaining about the lack of reactivity from Twitter and Facebook when it came to put a stop to it. When one Facebook user sent a warning about an offensive comment on the platform (“l’homosexualité est un péché, il faut l’éradiquer”), it was replied that the comment was not infringing on any of the site’s rules but sure, it could be seen as offensive. The user was only offered the possibility to block the author of the post. Social media is a double-edged sword. It gives you more exposure, better ways to interact with people like you, be celebrated for who you are. It also tries to take you down. And since the law hasn’t totally caught up with the cyber world, most racist, homophobic, sexist websites go through loops to keep their actions free of any consequences.

If only people were only hiding behind a screen. Unfortunately, being a public space has become a dangerous situation for any of the Ls, the Bs, the Gs, especially the Ts or any of the letters of the community. Parks, streets, subways. Anything can happen to us. People are usually attacked by groups of men in premedidated acts.

One of the most recent and choking attacks is dated March 31st in Paris, when 31 year-old Trans woman Julia was insulted, grabbed inappropriately, spit on, slapped and pushed around when she came out of a subway station at République. Videos of the attack went viral within minutes of the event. Julia later said the traumatic experience left her humiliated. The fact that it was filmed brought awareness to those problems and Julia went on to give a few interviews and gave a face to the injustice. That’s one brave woman.

Worst case scenario was the story of Vanessa Campos, a sex worker who was murdered in the night of August 16–17th 2018, defending herself against a group of men trying to bully and steal money from her community. It took weeks before any sorts of sympathies came from the government (it took a “marche blanche” organized by the people). The police was apparently aware of the previous acts of terrors perpetuated by this group of thugs and did nothing. Worst of all, the trash magazine that is Paris Match published pictures of Vanessa’s corpse and exploited her image while tarnishing her identity by using the pronoun “he” to describe the late victim.

One of the worst aspects of that every day reality — and I’m guilty of that as well — could be the trivialization of those acts as “it is what is”. Someone says “Faggot”, I shrug. A dirty look ? Well, I knew what kind of neighborhood I was in. A trans hooker is killed ? Well, she was a prostitute AND she was trans. Do you know why? Because that’s all we hear. From the moment we are conscious of words as children, jokes about faggots are made. Puns about lesbians are openly uttered. Transgender people and Bisexuals are great to make fun of in family dinners. It’s called “casual homophobia” and we’ve all been practicing it. “Fais pas ton enculé”, “Avec ta nouvelle coupe de cheveux, tu fais lesbienne”, “On est pas des pédé, ici”. 

The practice of ignorance and the absence of second thoughts on our actions and words are what’s keeping the homophobia alive and well. We live in a different time. Queer people are there. They exist and they are so diverse. Now is the time for cis people to collect those informations, try to understand them and mostly, to course correct their behavior. Do not talk like your parents because that’s what you’ve been hearing all your life and it feels normal. No, it’s not. Not anymore.

WHAT’S UP THE WITH LAW ?

Are we safe ? In the anti-discrimination law department, we’re getting a 2 out of 3 in the Spartacus scale. Not so bad, I guess. In fact, numerous laws and amendments are here to protect/avenge us, in the cases of torture (Art.222–3 5 TER CP), murder (ART.221–4 7CP), Violence (ART.222–10/222–8/222–12/222–13), rape (ART.222–24 9 CP), other kinds of sexual abuse (ART.222–30 6 CP), threats (ART.222–18–1 CP), insults (ART.R.624–4 CP) and so on and so on. Now you are considered discriminated against when you are refused a service, a job, a raise, when people are making your life more difficult IF the reason seems to be your sexual orientation. You can always go to the police but then, you’ll have to prove it. Same goes for the insults. If someone tells you “faggot”, it doesn’t matter if you are one or not, or if the person knows your sexual identity or not, you can sue. Not a “main courante”, but sue his/her/their ass(es). But careful, because then again, you’ll have to prove it. And it’s a long, long process.

 Another important problem in 2019. The police. I’m not going to try and tear a new one to them because we all know you can’t take an entire section of people and judge them the same way, but cases of unprofessionalism are everywhere and known. That’s why the datas on LGBTQ+ attacks are somewhat completely false, since most Queer people do not feel heard by the law and their representatives and therefore do not report any wrong doings. In Lille last year, a couple was insulted and physically abused on the street on the premise that they were faggots walking together. They were refused access to the police station as a police officer told them that they “should not have held each other by the arm. It was a provocation”. In Lyon, same story. The police refused to come to the scene of the attack, saying that the attackers were already gone and there was no point to go there. In Dordogne, a police officer said to a victim that he couldn’t file a complaint because “lopette” wasn’t a clear homophobic term. That is not true.

If you ever (and I hope you won’t) have to go through this, know that any derogatory term that are even slightly homophobic gives you the right to register a formal complaint, not a “main courante”. And if the officer is not cooperative, you ask to speak to his superior right away and you don’t leave until you are heard. If possible, go with a supporting loved one. I was lucky enough to run into a very comprehensive and caring police officer and took every single detail of my claim and treated me with respect. He even called me a few weeks later to tell me that the dossier had been sent to the Parquet de Justice and that something will be done. Sweet guy. It does not always work that way. “Vous l’avez pas un peu cherché?” would be the scariest thing to hear at a police station. Seeing officers laugh at the story of you getting chased on the street by a homophobe willing to break your jaw. Having an indifferent person at the other side of your phone call while your boyfriend is bleeding heavily from getting beaten with metal bars.

Also know that if the abuse, in the case of insults, are not accompanied by solid proofs, the case will be easily dismissed by the Justice department. In the best case scenario, there will be a “rappel à la loi” in which the abuser will be auditioned and sermoned, maybe a letter of apology. Then nothing. And if by any chance you go to court, the judge might call the verbal abuse you’ve been the victim of a simple “neighbor’s quarrel”. In 2017, only 25 cases led to conviction in front of a judge. That’s fucked up.

WHAT’S UP WITH RIGHTS ?

In terms of rights, we’ve already established that gay people can legally marry one another, that they are no longer considered mental ill and they can adopt kids (though two parents of the same sex cannot be on the birth certificate of the child). Yeah ?

But one of the big topics of 2018 and still very much alive in 2019 is the implementation of the PMA (Procréation Médicalement Assistée or IVF in english) for single women and lesbian couples. The CCNE (Comité Consultatif National d’Ethique) is favorable to open the practice to all, but the Conseil d’Etat, not so much. Clearly an inequality under the law, it seems that the pushback comes from the public opinion that influences the government. The methods to take that public opinions is, at best, shady, since its based only on forums organized by the CCNE to talk about those issue. 21,000 people participated in those events, filled with anti-PMA and religious subgroups, and also members of the newly-statured political party Manif pour Tous.

I told you we would talk about them again. MPF transitioned into a political party in April of 2015, although weirdly, they never presented any candidates to the European, Presidential or Municipal elections that followed. Apparently, the political status was designed to gain financial grounds and be exempt of many important taxes. Oh, you fuckers.

Anyway, they are very involved with the question of PMA. They recently announced (last week, actually) new actions and manifestations to protest the access of the procedure to single and gay women.

The PMA will be examined in September of this year in front of Parliament, following a statement from Edouard Phillippe, who finally decided to follow one of Emmanuel Macron’s campaign promises of 2017.

Meanwhile, debates on the GPA (Gestation Pour Autrui) will be blocked as the government has no intentions to legalize it either to the straight couples or the gay couples — but I’m guessing putting it on the table for the straight ones would open pandora’s box for the fags. Right ?

Finally, my one big concern come to blood donations and the restrictions we still have to face. Since June 1st, 2016, gay and bi men can give blood under the condition that they practice abstinence for a whole year. That’s kind of an improvement from the fact that before that, they were banned all together. But seriously ? How is our blood more dangerous that someone else’s ? Don’t you run tests before you get blood from someone ? Can’t you impose a universal check up on people ? Are you so fearful of Aids in 2019 ? Are is it the multiple hepatitis that we, gay people, spread around one another like fancy glitter ? Don’t you know by now that those kind of problems are not limited to gay, bi and “men who have sex with men” men ? I said fuck way too much in that article, but FUCK. FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING FUCK. FUUUCK!

Shit. I’m gonna stop here. I’m done. There are so much shit I haven’t talked about yet ! The mutilation of intersex babies (scandalous), the transgender rights (still a pile of shit), the social media trend of outing people (what the living fuck ?), work place homophobia (beware), the racial bias for LGBTQ+ people of color (enough!).

I’m so fucking tired. I can’t take it anymore. France suuuuucks. (deep breath) (focus) (find your center) (take a step back) Better. We are making strides in multiples areas. There’s not denying it. But everything is so fragile. A change of government, a foreign influence and everything can disappear in an instant. I can still get killed on the street because that day, I was wearing pink nail polish and the wrong person saw it. People still wishes that concentration camps were a reality, on the basis of religious morals that have no place in secular societies. I can’t change homophobes. I can only enter into a dialogue when possible and protect myself as much as I can. But here’s my plea to you, Queer people. Yes, the strides are great. We can marry, we can adopt, we can inspire to very different lives from the previous generation of queers. But if you are a cis white gay man, get your head out of your perfectly bleached asshole and defend those who are less fortunate than you.

Our goal as a community should be right now to advance Transgender rights in this country. Our moral obligation is to understand and make people understand Intersex people and put a stop (either inside or outside the community) to the bias against bisexuals. We cannot be strong and thrive if we ignore each other. Be a little less selfish and solidify those way-too-fragile grounds that our ancestors who went through death penalties, epidemics and public humiliations built for us.

[vadersdala]

eli goldsworthy, anyone with the last name kardashian or jenner, dob, holland, ruby rose, and katy perry

IT’S ROAST TIME!!! Disclaimer: if you can’t take possible faves being criticized don’t hit the read more.

Eli Shitsworthy:

Where does one even began with how shitty this character is? Like really, at what point does it end that it’s him being shitty, but being apart of tumblr and being in the fandom does it become hating him because you know he’s here to pander to fans that are just not good people. Eli is bland. He’s your typical YA man. He’s the mysterious bad boy who drives a hearse dating this good Christian girl with a personality of a broken vacuum and it is shoved down your throat every single episode. Eli, when I was sixteen, thought he was the shit. He drove a hearse, he wanted to be with my favorite character (who was so ruined after the end of this relationship that yes, I still think she has the personality of a fucking broken smoke detector with how much bitching and whining she does) and he drove a hearse and looking back how fucked up is society that I thought that was sexy? Like he drives a hearse. And a fan theory, I don’t know if it was confirmed, I don’t really care, but that it was the hearse used for Julia. That’s fucking sick, you can’t tell me that’s edgy or cool because no matter who was in the hearse, it is a hearse and his family is so fucking stupid that they don’t realize he needs help. Like his room is covered wall to wall in trash, he acts like a lunatic he’s driving a hearse and got a lock on his door but they can’t see that their kid needs some kind of help. And I also want to point out that younger me loved CeCe and Bullfrog, now? Now I’m like you’re the worst parents in Canada. Like I can say with confidence that two fictional people who had a kid have never been more stupid than these two people. And not only is his family stupid, but they think Eclare is healthy. Everyone - everyone on this fucking show was basically rooting for Eli. Like Ms Dawes? Another character I once liked, legit knew Eli’s play was about a personal matter between him and Clare. She knew Clare and him ended things and I don’t know if she knew the details, but she knew his ass almost got stabbed by Fitz so obviously she knew by reading this play it was bullying. Does she do anything? Of course not. And I have more on Ms Dawes, but let me fucking point out that Eli “switching up the ending” to make Clara the hero isn’t romantic. It’s still airing their dirty laundry. It’s even more emotionally abusive to Clare who now feels bad for making such a stink - a stink, by the way, she had every right to make because this play was literally about her and Eli. And Eli painted her in a bad light. But anyways, now that we’ve pretended that his change was romantic, let me point out this play had so many changes that Fiona complained about it and still no one thought to get him help. Ms Dawes is approving each rewrite, and I know as someone who writes, I, too, get damn picky with shit and characters and plot twists and whatever, but there comes a point - and it was literally the most obvious point ever that any fucking idiot could have seen, but sadly one of those idiots couldn’t walk into the fucking school - where you have to face that someone is not mentally okay. And that point was when he made the play be about his ex girlfriend on an actual night everyone at school knows about and he’s switching it up to make himself the hero. Like he changed Fitz to Jake - I’m just saying, the whole of that season being seen as Eli being romantic is disgusting. I don’t care if he was mentally ill, because you know what else he did? He used Imogen. Oh yeah, I, an Imogen stan, I’m going there. This rant wasn’t long enough. Imogen is not innocent, so I’m not going to put my blinders on and tell you that cute quirky Imogen is the only Imogen, because Imogen is a manipulative bitch, and I fucking love it. Personally I love how Imogen knew Fiona liked her and Fiona got her and Eli together and she gave Fiona this look after Fi sees her plan worked - but anyway, Eli does the same emotional abuse he does to Clare to Imogen, he accuses her of cheating and lying and breaks into a house to catch her and is still seen as a romantic hero. To just end it, in all honesty, Eli is one of the biggest emotional abusers I’ve ever watched on TV. I’m ashamed that at some point I stanned him, I’m ashamed that I thought these actions were romantic - all in all, he’s shitty and should have left when he was supposed to because during s12 Munro didn’t even give a fuck anymore. No one gave a fuck but stans who couldn’t let go and that is just tea.

The Others

I don’t even think I can say anything here that hasn’t already been said. Except, I still don’t really know what the fuck these people look like. I know there is K hloe and Kour tney because those are stupid fucking names, like what the fuck why do they all have K names? I dont get it! I know one of them tweeted at Chloe some photo that wasn’t of her and that was gross but I really want to know why people care about them. Like I have a vague idea what the main three look like - the ones everyone knows, I dont have to name fucking names, but in the photos I’ve seen I know they always look so miserable. Now I’m not saying it as in depression or something, I mean they look angry. They look haughty and self centered and just rude. They seem like people who snap fingers at waiters and just fucking divas and why? They don’t have talent, they aren’t pretty, they’re just rich. Now you can have your own opinion, but I don’t think someone who looks like an awful human is pretty I dont care who has goal skin or nice ass or a shit walk, at the end of the day if you’re not going to be a decent person what is the point?

DOB

Ya know...... I don’t care what people say. I don’t care how you feel about it. I just don’t really care about opinions here, but when someone needlessly tells you not to touch a burial site and you not only do it, but write it off as not giving a shit and then making a joke about it on TV you’re a shitty person. You are actually a piece of shit if you can go to a place where people are buried and people go to pay their respects and take and/or destroy this area, you’re not a good person. You do not value human life, and you lack basic sympathy, let alone empathy. Like I am not Native American, I am so fucking white and I feel such outrage that this happened to this tribe and to many tribes and to thousands of POC burial sites across the globe because white people want to touch everything and need to be told not to. Like fuck any one of you who go into a burial ground and take something, I am so dead serious. I don’t have to put myself in their shoes to understand the pain someone probably had turning on the TV or going on tumblr in this little tribe (or really, any Native person anywhere) and seeing him say that because it’s so fucking obvious why him saying that is shit and why everyone pretending what he did is okay is shit, like fuck him fuck anyone in the cast who did that, I hope they go to bed guilty every night because they sure as fuck never said sorry about it. 

H*lland K P and R*by are gonna be one bc lbr what we know about them is what a lot of people acknowledge (hopefully) - like there isn’t anything I can say about these three people that I pray people don’t just ignore, but anyway.

HR: approved blackface and defended it on twitter and still defends it, and that alone should be like pce out, see you later. But no, it gets better. She has been proven to be transphobic, and also I think made some comment where she’s either sexist or abuse apologist and I’m not really sure, but I know she likes some book that is one or the other, but either way being a racist transaphobe is more than enough to in my eyes to say you’re trash.

KP: I mean, her smash hit is about her bisexual experience, and it’s rumored to be with a minor but there are so many theories on who it is with that like one is probably true, but let’s go over the lyrics:

“It felt so wrong. it felt so right. Don’t mean I’m in love tonight.”

“You’re my experimental game, just human nature.”

if it was with a minor, this line is great: “No I don’t even know you’re name, it doesn’t matter” - I’m thinking that night it did, but ok.

“It’s not how good girls behave.”

Those are a few from my memory, I’m sure the song is way worse than I give it credit for, but then she has a song calling her ex gay and hoping he kills himself because he’s gay. And then her bullshit recently with t**mp and the drag queens and personally, I don’t care that she dragged Tay. As a hardcore fan, do I care that she felt the need to drag someone because she knew it would sell? No. It just proves she isn’t winning like she claims to be. Personally, she uses LGBT+ to make hits and people care more about them than Hayley Kiyoko, soooooooo if anything, I’m bitter that IKAG is a more known song than anything Hayley song.

RR: I didn’t watch OITNB, like I tried but I don’t care about the blonde at all so I never made it past ep 1, so do I know them? No. All I know is that they outted Demi who was a minor and slept with her. 

[scifimagpie]

Louie C.K. and the Sith Lord Dilemma

Happy new year!

(These are the kinds of headlines I only get to write because I don't have an editor to whom I answer. Whee!)

We still have Nazis, so let's talk strategy. I'd also like to talk about something related - the infamous, often contested Centre. To keep advancing leftist ideals (such as healthcare, housing, and basic needs coverage for all; universal access to education and higher education; equal and fair pay for all genders and backgrounds, and accessibility resources for those who require mobility devices or have medical problems, among a few other things!) it can help to figure out who we're trying to talk to - and sometimes, who we can trust.

The time before #MeToo and after it are now crisply delineated by this social event. The freedom to talk about and voice the universality of sexual harassment and assault against people of various genders (yes, men too) has really shaken things up. It's just the beginning of making things right, and society in North America and around the world has some serious adjusting and compensating to do, but it's a good step in the right direction.

#MeToo also torched a lot of sacred cows, exposing people we previously trusted as participating in very bad behavior. Kevin Spacey, George Takei, Stan Lee and Neil DeGrasse Tyson, among others, are a couple who surprised and disappointed me the most. But it seems like some of the people who transgressed are already trying to stage their comebacks - not understanding, it seems, that it shouldn't be up to them to decide when their stint in the time-out corner is over.

As discussed here, it would seem that Louis C.K., who previously admitted to sexually harassing women by masturbating in front of them without consent, has taken a turn for the dark side. Making jokes about transgender people and school shooting survivors, and apparently, insulting black and Asian men, is now part of his comedic repetoire. So much for "learning and listening."

But he continues to be defended by a few people who - apparently, come from the centre - and want to believe that he still has good intentions somehow. To quote that Huffpost article, however -

"C.K.’s new set, according to its leaked version, doesn’t merely punch down; it stomps, pettily, to the bottom. None of it is smart or brave; it is simply cruel."

And how did Louis C.K. - and for that matter, J.K. Rowling - start to internalise and support such negative beliefs?

Star Wars and political strategy

So here's the thing about the two people I've alluded to - they're both wealthy, and they've both been criticised. Now, being criticised is hard at the best of times. But wealth tends to make people more fragile. Is the answer, then, to just not criticise anyone ever? (That probably sounds like a stupid thing to even say, and it kind of is. But the internet likes a good reductio ad absurdum argument, taking things to their most logical extreme, so I'm going to follow that format - as I often do in my posts!)

That would seem to be an over-correction, and to make advancement impossible. But how to we criticise someone without alienating them?

Well, I'm still working on the "doing it right" part, but I can tell you about how not to do it.

In the much-maligned prequels of Star Wars, one of the concerns expressed about Anakin Skywalker is that he's too old to learn the Jedi ways and be successfully indoctrinated in their belief system. In the following movies, as Anakin goes through puberty and discovers that at least one girl exists, this is quickly proven - so it seems - to have been an accurate fear. A lot of people have argued that the way the Jedi turned their back on him as soon as he started to screw up and the way they endorsed such extremist perspectives on emotion had doomed him to fail in the first place. I would say that Anakin actually got a lot of second chances, but the ideology did set him up to fail - and because a single misstep was seen as an inevitable sign of failure, how could he help but find himself tempted by the apparent freedom of the Dark Side?

But as we see examined in The Last Jedi, fearing someone's future and darkness and treating them badly on the basis of that can, in fact, lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy. By assuming the worst of Ben Solo, he becomes Kylo Ren. Now - you could argue about the role of fate in the Star Wars universe, and even in our own, but it's not a discussion I can brook in good faith because if fate was as iron-clad as it is in fiction, all psychics would have 100% accuracy in their predictions - and that, obviously, is not the case.

But are we repeating the mistake of the late-era Jedi Order? Are we scaring off allies when we call them out for bad behavior, or scaring off future allies when they see Leftists chewing someone out?

A digression on the centre, which cannot hold

Oh, the Centrists. The Left hates them, the Right courts them, and they usually don't even identify as such. Most of the time - from what I've seen - Centrists are actually people who would identify as liberals or Liberals, but haven't caught up to every nuance; alternatively, they're soft conservatives. The centre isn't so much a fact as a product of two overlapping political bell-curves, more of an illusion than a real political movement. After all, the centre and centrists usually tend to have either conflicting beliefs or a reluctance to engage with certain groups.

But the centrists that I tend to hear about, as a leftist, are generally the ones who still fall on the liberal side of the equation. Now, here's the thing - I'm not saying that being conservative or liberal are, arbitrarily, either good or bad on an objective scale. BUT - right now, in North America and in a few other places, it sure seems like conservatism has relied too heavily on courting xenophobia in various ways. And that has led to an association of conservatives with racist, sexist, generally horrible beliefs - for instance, the Republicans in the US, and more locally, the UCP. (United Conservative Party, not to be confused with the Progressive-Conservative Party of Canada. They're very good at being polite and rewording their racism and homophobia, because this is Canada, but the underlying platform and beliefs is disappointingly rote.)

But is falling to the racist wayside the fate of all centrists? Should leftists treat anyone who fails to meet certain standards of conduct with suspicion and curtness, because they're inevitably going to betray any progressive ideals in favor of the fear-eater, conservatism?

In terms of the radicalization of young men, a number of people have spilled ink and filled hard drives creating better and more informative videos and articles than myself. And a lot of them also struggle with this problem: who can be reasoned with, and who is a die-hard danger to humanity?

No. Be nice sometimes, but don't hug every Nazi.

All of this is to say that I think the way we deal with people who don't act in good faith and the ones who do act in good faith need to be set in two different streams. It can be hard to tell, and people can switch motivations during a conversation - deciding to troll or being interested enough to start learning, for instance. But I think it would help the Left to confine some of our sharpest criticisms to internal dialogues - you know, saying things with the door closed. We have to meet people on their level.

Unfortunately, sometimes that level is also going to mean putting boots on the ground in terms of showing up to protests and engaging in adequate self-defense against Nazis.

So when it comes to Cousin Jason or Brayden saying that he thinks these dudes wearing yellow vests and talking about how we need to reduce the number of immigrants coming to Canada "might have a point," I would suggest being hard on the ideology and empathetic with Jason or Brayden himself. There's a difference between being empathetic and being a doormat - but we have no choice except to take on these conversations whenever we can, even when we're exhausted. The problem is that people in the centre often agree with us - but are too scared to speak up, or too tired, or even too confused.

We have to make a better future and present by walking the line between having boundaries and making it clear to people that we care about them and their rights. As frustrating as it can be, emotional labour from a person in a position of power, or even an oppressor, is still emotional labour. And we cannot take for granted that people will educate themselves, or yell "educate yourself!" in every conversation. That doesn't mean the most oppressed person should always yield their time and energy to people who may be acting like blockheads - but it does mean that anyone who considers themselves an ally needs to step up or be willing to tag-team something to avoid their own exhaustion.

This stuff is intricate. The problems don't have quick, glib, easy fixes. But they're also not insurmountable, because our opponents aren't monsters or fictional villains. They're people. And most of them actually want what we want - to live in happiness, health, and safety.

***

Michelle Browne is a sci fi/fantasy writer. She lives in Lethbridge, AB with her partners-in-crime and their cat. Her days revolve around freelance editing, knitting, jewelry, and nightmares, as well as social justice issues. She is currently working on the next books in her series, other people's manuscripts, and drinking as much tea as humanly possible. Find her all over the internet: The mailing list * Amazon * Medium * Twitter * Instagram * Facebook * Tumblr * OG Blog