#every single day is just shit for me
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staving off the Dread by listening to the same worship song 18 times
#it really just never gets better#every single day is just shit for me#had a tic attack today it was the most embarrassing shit ever and it’s only like the third time that’s ever happened so it was scary#couldn’t stop ticcing even after it had calmed down#we were doing mic checks and i couldn’t stop ticcing it was seriously the most embarrassing thing in the world#i hate myself#the wanting to kill myself never ever goes away it’s been like a year at this point#i keep thinking it’s a phase and it’ll go away but it never does#some days (like today) it’s all that i can think about#do i ever get to recover because i can never have more than 5 minutes of happiness before it hits me again#it’s not like im trying to just wallow in it or anything i spend every fucking waking moment trying to be happy for the sake of other peopl#and i fucking can’t and i hate it#i have to say though i think i do a great job of hiding it#whenever im feeling it and someone points it out i just say im tired and they believe me every time#to be fair i am tired im fucking exhausted but they take it a different way which is the way i intend it to be taken#proud of myself for it tbh
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lestat being both french and italian explains everything, because there is actually nothing wrong with him, he's just like that.
#there is nothing we could have done to prevent this tragic event 😔#everybody calling him their beautiful bpd princess as if being emotionally dysregulated and dramatic as fuck isn't the most ita/fr combo#he took “les francais sont des italiens de mauvaise humeur/les italiens sont des francais de bonne humeur” way too seriously#now i need him to tell me every single thoughts he has ever had on every single rivalry between france and italy#(pop culture/football/history/art.. EVERYTHING)#because i just know that he has the most extreme opinions over the stupidest shit ever (rightfully so)#me strapping him to a chair to ask him if he heard the iconic “materazzi ha fatto goal ridateci la gioconda”#and what are his thoughts about the gioconda situation in general#i need an interview with that vampire#both a real interview and a “daniel molloy in the 70's” type of interview#but that's for another day#do i find him highly unlikeable and would kill him without ever regretting it? yes#do i still want to peg him? yeah#c'est la vie#lestat de lioncourt#interview with the vampire#iwtv#amc iwtv
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this might be mean but. it really ticks me off when people respond to authors and artists wishing for actual community and engagement with their works by saying "oh but you see im just so anxious i cannot offer you any kind words." with the optional "but do please keep making things for me anyway!" because like...
a) do you understand how anxiety-inducing it can be to pour a little piece of your soul into a work of art and share it publicly? i feel like you don't see the people creating these things as people like you and that is an issue. we are people who just really love a thing and want to talk about it with other people who also love that thing.
but moreover, and this is the part that might be mean, b) damn why doesn't your anxiety prevent you from making excuses to us then? i wish it did! like if you're SO anxious about a fic author blocking you for saying something nice, why are you not anxious about getting blocked for telling that author "okay but i don't want to comment on your works though"??? because i can tell you which of these two things is way more likely to piss me off and it isn't the comment.
like. idk man. if you really don't want to comment on and engage with people's creative works, no one can force you to. but also consider maybe not commenting on and engaging with those people's posts just to explain that you don't want to comment on/engage with their works. if you are so committed to staying quiet and being a passive consumer then commit to the bit and stop asking creative people who put way more of themselves out there than you are to pat you on the back and reassure you that you'll still keep getting free content even if you can't do so much as drop a "this was really good!" in the comments.
#rimi talks#like. maybe its just me but i just do not care about passive consumers#someone can love my fic more than anything in the world and reread it every single day for a week and i literally would not care#if they don't talk to me! because i have no way of knowing. they are not real to me.#like functionally someone doing that is NO different than 7 different people opening the tab and going ''i hate this nvm'' 2 sentences in.#and the people who go ''ohh but im sooo anxious i cant comment (but i can fsr tell you about how anxious i am about commenting'' are so.#newsflash i have anxiety too and i just shared 30000 words so forgive me if i kind of don't give a shit#it's just like. if you're not going to comment then don't. but don't ask me to reassure you or give you a medal for it!#sometimes the politest thing to do is simply shut the fuck up <3#like there's a time and place for talking about how you're anxious or burnt out or exhausted#and it's simply NOT when people are shouting into the void about wanting a sense of community bc they feel taken for granted.#that is not the time or place. please learn a sense of shame if manners are beyond you.
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I reiterate that if you're going to ask people for donations, you will come across as extremely suspicious if you spam their inbox. People are likely to report and/or block you, thinking you're a bot. If you need donations, I do not recommend going about like this. I really, REALLY do not recommend it.
#blog post#not helpol#i am tired of the spam y'all#literally every single day since I've opened my ask box back up#i have gotten a SHIT TON of random people asking me for donations#which is somewhat silly considering i was literally just running my own donations#so no I'm sorry but i won't be answering asks about donations#i don't think it's ok to that personally; it feels really invasive and is extremely suspicious#because you know who else comes into your inbox asking you for money? bots. bots do that exact thing.#it's extremely difficult to know who to trust especially when gofundme isn't supported in gaza#nor is paypal actually#they ciuld just be using a VPN but i don't know enough about VPN to comment on that confidently#but i feel it's important that people are sceptical honestly#because there are assholes who will scam you and take advantage of your kindness for others#don't buy into a potential scam especially at a time where supporting oneself is often already a challenge
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is everyone on pinterest experiencing the internet for the first time? folks click on the most mild-ass stanchez fanart and react like they stumbled upon gore
#comments are like EW WTF IS THIS I GOTTA BLEACH MY EYES and it's like#a drawing of 2 old men holding hands#sorry if i've already posted about this i can't remember but it's killing me#i get it's probably mostly children but like i was reading some vile shit on wattpad in middle school and i kept those reactions between me#and the friend who was showing it to me#i hope i don't sound like im doing a 'kids these days' ik people have always overreacted to fandom stuff but i am pretty sure the hate#stanchez art gets is like pm just homophobia#ig crossover ships are cringe or whatever but it's also like as canon as a crossover ship with characters from different companies can be#idk whatever i gotta stop getting distracted by fanart every single time i go on pinterest for drawing references#stanchez#my nonsense
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JUJUTSU KAISEN CH. 226: INHUMAN MAKYO SHINJUKU SHOWDOWN, PART 4
#truly the sexiest thing ever im never gonna be normal about this ever ever evr evrer i think about this every single day#like. do u even know just how hrny this makes me#i cant think about it too much or i explode#it's kinda jsdsfkjfg how the 'is gojo satoru going to lose' is immediately followed by the gayest panel ever known#literally it's like if it were telling u that gojo is the strongest bc he does gay ass shit like this ajgfjhfjasfha#gojo satoru aint losing bc he's offering his ass in fights...#anyways....#I LOVE.SUKUGO.#jjk#sukugo#gosuku#jjkedit#gosukuedit#sukugoedit#f.edit#f.stuff#mangaedit#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru#ryoumen sukuna#geh i love them so much so much i LOVE them#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk 226
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ok so: the umbrella academy except it’s about the hargreeves siblings in 40 years when five is a very, very old man but really in his early 50’s while the rest of the siblings are senior citizens whom five has to take care of against his will
someone please read the tags and yap about this with me. thank you
#that sounds like five’s hell to me#but would it not be funny#picture this: luther just tried to hit diego over the head with his walker and five had to blink between them to stop it#and allison rumored him into letting them play bingo for another hour#viktor listens to classical music in his room and keeps to himself#and sparrow ben is here (because i said so) and he’s grumpy as all hell#him and five have many stare downs.#five’s like ‘‘eat your soup old man’’ and ben’s like ‘‘old man? what are you now 98?’’#and five slams his fists on the table and yells ‘‘you think i wanna be taking care of you assholes?’’#klaus got back into eyeliner so he walks around looking like an overgrown emo and five has to help him take it off before bed every night#and every single day five tells him ‘‘if i have to help you take this shit off tomorrow i’m confiscating it’’#but he never does because klaus keeps hiding it#sorry please someone talk with me about this. it’s funny because i said so#this was a random thought but now i can’t stop thinking about this. oh my god#laur says stuff#laur rambles#the umbrella academy#tua#umbrella academy#five hargreeves#hargreeves siblings#tua s4#number five#tua season 4#klaus hargreeves#allison hargreeves#luther hargreeves#diego hargreeves#ben hargeeeves#viktor hargreeves
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so I have already been pretty quiet on here recently but uh. i kind of genuinely need to take a step back from sexual stuff for a while - nothing happened, i just think it is maybe a bit unhealthy how much of my time is taken up by Being Horny and Getting Off. like as much as those r both normal I do them too often, like. genuinely. idk when I’ll start being active again but thank u for understanding
#dm responses included in this unfortunately#like look I respect the naturalness of horniness and such. But holy shit#I’m genuinely spending multiple hrs a day. nearly every single day. just getting off.#like that’s not healthy for me#and if I admit it on here it will make it feel a little more like I actually have to commit lol#bc i was saying this this morning. and then spent multiple hours today getting off.#puppybarks#sorry for the vent in the tags im just. really frustrated w myself#and w my relationship w sex/pleasure atm#hoping I will feel better soon
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Okay Here Is The Problem: everything costs money and yet money is something that i just literally never have. solution? kill the idea of money so that nothing costs anything Please. i'm so tired
#despite making more money w/ my commissions than ever before this year#i am still. not able to save up literally even one (1) single penny of it bc of bills#i have to make like 600 every month just to break even at like 5 dollars in my acct#please i am so fucking tired#i want to get myself things and do shit#i want to buy things for archie and jack's dog and for the house so that things are better for all of us#i want to be able to afford snacks more than once every three months like if i maybe want a bag of chips#instead of saving up for three months and going 'yeah okay 5 dollars for a normal sized bag of chips is finally worth it' ?????????????????#why the fuck are chips so expensive that is potatoes and spices and like all of it is automated hello?? what are we fucking paying for?????#ANYWAYS.#i am just fucking. Tired#due to recent events I was like#'okay how much are dog treadmills.... oh. i see. i will never be able to afford that even after three years saving. got it'#there are five hundred fundraisers on my dash (BARELY hyperbole) every single day and everybody needs help#so i COMPLETELY get people not having a ton of disposable funds this isn't me complaining about that i'm just.#i wish that i sometimes had money so that i could MAYBE save anything up or y'know. have ANYTHING to show for it#bc right now i am working full time at this job (commission/freelance artist and adopt maker etc) and making like maybe 4 dollars an hour#which is great bc when i started i was only getting about $0.11 an hour but like. that's still not. Good. For all the time i put into it#but due to circumstances and situations this is about all i'm physically and mentally able to do here and i LIKE doing commission but it's#not really. getting me anywhere and i just want to afford things finally.#i'm 27 and everything i own fits in one room and almost all of it was gifted to me for free bc i couldn't afford to get it on my own#delete later i'm just so tired man
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Breaking news: Neighborhood dog enjoys a peaceful summer night's sleep under the stars <3
Snoopy #15
16/10/2024
#peanuts#snoopy#art#15#doghouse#it's not summer for me i just miss summertime as always#i love making art that looks like shit. straight up horrible.#<- that's not sarcasm#it is an important part of the art ecosystem. plus i had fun and was myself!#none of those stars are passable LMAO#this has been another 'thank god this blog isn't called onegoodsnoopyaday' type of night#snoopy homework can be kind of annoying bc every day it's like this Task that i have to do but at the same time#it's very freeing to have an 'oh this is bad but i'll have another chance at making a better drawing tomorrow' mindset every single day#(and then i rarely actually do a better one lol) (i have poor time management skills) (so it's usually a rush job at the end of the day)#but the important thing is that every tomorrow is always an OPPORTUNITY for improvement even if i do not take the opportunity
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#so sick and tired of people telling me that i can be at work all the time because i'm single = i have no life#sick of being told that i can work every weekend because i don't do anything anyway#tired of being told that i should actually have two jobs cause i'm young (almost 30) and i HAVE NO BOYFRIEND AND ALSO TOO MUCH FREE TIME#SO I CAN BE AT WORK ALL THE TIME BECAUSE I PROBABLY HAVE NO MONEY TO SPEND ON USELESS SHIT#SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYTHING LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE#i just realized i didn't even have a glass of water all day jesus fucking christ i'm just so tired#pls ignore this it's just one of these days#i say whatever and whatever that i want*
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oh man oh MAN i’m still not over this i will never be over this it’s been so LONG. so long. and people were doubting his abilities his skill in the car his legacy and they were all wrong :) they were all wrong because today lewis hamilton won for the first time since jeddah 21, after 945 days, at his home gp and not because of a safety car or because other drivers crashed out but because he’s quite possibly the best driver on the grid when it comes to tyre management and understanding what a race needs, what the car needs, he’s adaptable and he knows exactly how to drive this fucking track and that’s what’s won him this and he deserves it so so so so much, more than anyone else on this grid, do not tell me otherwise. lewis winning silverstone one last time with mercedes, after they went winless last year, before he leaves for ferrari, BREAKING ALL THE RECORDS is the most fucking poetic thing one could possibly conjure up in their sick mind. it was fucking beautiful and healing because this man has gone WINLESS SINCE 2021 when he lost the championship in the worst possible fucking way a driver could lose a championship, a record breaking, unprecedented title that he should have had, that should have been his, and he had to wait NINE HUNDRED AND FORTY FIVE DAYS to be back on the top step of a podium DO YOU UNDERSTAND????? i fear you don’t. this man was starting to doubt his place in the sport, his skill, his talent, his own legacy, which is unmatched, which makes him the greatest driver of all time, he was questioning all of it because he kept losing out to his teammate and literally every other driver on the grid, because he was given a car that was not worthy of fucking wins or podiums or even at times points. do you understand what this means after winning seven titles, after merc went undefeated for so long, after he was at the top of the game? to then suddenly fall to the absolute back of the grid being unable to overtake A HAAS? having alonso go “this man only knows how to start from p1”? bro ITS BEEN YEARS. this shit has taken years off his life and my life and he worked so hard to be back up there. it’s fucking insane to think where they were at the beginning of the year or last year or 2022 (nowhere). he gave everything to this team, to this sport, to his career. this is literally all he has ever wanted to do, he has committed his entire life to this and for two years he was made to feel like he was Done and Washed and people were literally moving on from him, pundits weren’t even rating him for the season anymore. don’t you tell me this was the car or the tyres or the mclaren strategy. i don’t wanna hear it because i don’t care. this was lewis back in his element for the first time since 2021. they couldn’t have taken this win from him even if they had wanted to, those last 15 laps he was Locked The Fuck In. he wanted it so bad and he deserves it more than anyone else and i have been feeling absolutely everything about this the whole entire day because it was the perfect win on the perfect weekend even though i wish he didn’t have to wait 945 days for it. but man. let’s hope things are looking up from here. let’s hope merc get their shit together for the rest of the season. let’s hope lewis has only good races from here on and can see his legacy with merc out on a high. let’s hope he can show those motherfuckers. war is over man. war is finally fucking over.
#i have felt every single emotion about this one could have possibly felt#i just needed to get this out#none of you understand i have been a lewis girl since day 1#very deep down in my soul i have suffered greatly waiting 945 days for another lewis win#945 days man#this shit hits LIKE CRACK ok#i’m not myself rn#and don’t get me started on fucking bono jesus christ#lewis hamilton#british gp 2024#silverstoned baby#grrrrrr bark woof
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I will never let ya’ll live down that era where Terukaneaoi shippers were beefing with each other through fucking ao3 tags
#i know i shouldn’t be giving them attention but that was literally so funny to me i think abt it every single day#by far my favorite era in this fandom i was refreshing ao3 regularly to keep up with the drama#i’m not saying i single-handedly ended it#but i am saying it stopped as soon as i said smth abt it in the a/n for one of my terukane fics#so you’re all welcome#i didn’t even care abt the sm//t like i don’t wanna read that shit so i’ll just scroll past it#but my dudes you literally cannot pretend you dgaf if you’re yelling at antis through ao3 tags#like i hope all those writers have realized how goofy they sound by now#as funny as it was let’s please not bring that back#obligatory mention that i am blocked by two terukane writers on ao3#terukaneaoi#terukane#teruaoi#it was mostly them full shade#aoiaoi#omg aoiaoi mention <3#tbhk#toilet bound hanako kun#teru minamoto#akane aoi#aoi akane#archive of our own#ao3#fanfic#fan fiction#anyways you should read my fics instead#i don’t yell at ppl through ao3 tags like an old man yelling at a cloud <3
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Traveling out of state to go visit my (now ex) gf and coming home with covid is such a double whammy.
#There has been more tragedy in my life these last 5 years than all other years put together#Literally the moment I turned 18 and entered college shit has gone awry#My first semester I went to a mental hospital#In my second year when I was 19 my dad died#And now my gf of almost 5 years and I have broken up#I really thought we were going to get married lmao#Ohhh and now I have covid in the last weeks of summer before I'm set to move back home with my mother#My mom wants me to move back home because she's concerned about me and I appreciate that but she's not a good person#But I don't have a choice and if I'm being completely honest she's probably right that me being in my own is not good for me at all#And I'm fully certain I am slipping back into a suicidal mindset#And this is petty but the weather has been awful every single day#And I am just not having a good time literally at all
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crumbs in your bed
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#bakuspecial#comic#horror#cw: child abuse#cw: body horror#ask to tag#hi! hello. this is basically just a goosebump story I think. or a scary stories to tell in the dark entry#that's kinda what I aim for? along with the good ol vibe of fuan no tane#and also the like. Thing in east asian art where they make the main character a generic white person and then#every other thing about the setting is deeply recogniseably common asian shit lmao#that's entertainment for me. this came about extremely haphazardly... its why the first two pages look nothing like#the rest of it fsdjfhdsjhf. I slammed those out at a cafe like two days ago#went into this one no plan outside of a general sense of direction#I dont think Ive ever actually designed a single character in any of the short horror comics I did. like either its me or#I made someone up as I went. genuinely didnt know what the character'd look like until I sketched em#and then I kept referencing previous panels to draw em. dont know if I recommend this method#mmmm on reread not super sure if the sound effect of the bed leaving the room is clear enough... oh well there are other comics#been writing a lot about food and places recently Ive found out. oh yeah dyou know whats funny#I watched a wayner highlight vid of the kingdom heart charity stream today (I do not know anything about kingdom heart) and realized#how much of kingdom heart (at least the first one) is about like. places.#which is like. good job baku great deep read there isn't kingdom heart literally behind a door. arent there doors all over the place.#isnt the biggest symbol from that game taht EVERYONE knows about the KEYblade. for locks on door#fskdjfhdj but yeah its just. very cool to me that that game really does have iconic recogniseable sites. like the scenes are all tied to#where they happen at. and the climactic battle happens in a black void around a door. its good#good story about leaving ur home after ur friends aren't there anymore and being changed so much by what you go through that#you can no longer call where you started at home anymore. I am being conned by the music#anyways. yeah I go sleep now. powered thru the last 4 pages of this so its done and out there. hope my bed will not do this#have a good night lads! be careful of bugs
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I’ve seen so much shitty ship content in the marble hornets fandom since I’ve joined that I’m starting to get sick of shipping as a whole, ngl. I’m staring hard at the main contenders here, Jaylex, Brim, and Jam. Brilex is another ship I see frequently fucked up a lot too, but yea whatever. I’m not condemning people who get it wrong because I’m not the goddamn messiah of characterization either but there’s gotta be a line to be drawn, right? like with all the absurd vaguely uncensored abused x abuser content associated with jaylex, the uncomfortable brim content where every instance of hoody fucking up Tim's life on **PURPOSE** is ignored for the sake of a cuddle or for the sake of sexualization, THE HEAVY OVER-SEXUALIZATION OF BRILEX, and the fully fleshed out personalities of Tim and Jay being washed away and sacrificed for mischaracterized, stereotypical, romantic interactions that really isn’t something the character would ever do but rather something the author wants them to act out. <- honestly the last bit can be applied to all other ships too! And it isn’t my only gripe with Jam specifically but I feel like my specific criticism on it deserves another post that will probably never come haha.
#marble hornets#I would tag all the ships mentioned but I’m not doing allat#This isn’t some attack on those who do this but I’m telling y’all it’s getting really boring out here#It’s the same shit every day and I can’t seem to find a single accurate portrayal of any of their relationships EVEN OUTSIDE OF ROMANCE!#Last time I read any realll good fanfiction or takes about any MH ship the posts were all from 2015 😭#Has the pandemic rotted everyone’s media literacy or is this some coping mechanism? To turn these characters into lifeless puppets#Devoid of their personalities just so we can make them do dress up and act out our fantasies rather than actually tell a story 😭?#OKAY FOR CLARIFICATION You don’t NEED to tell a story with fanart NO DIP and honestly shitpost exists for this very reason BUT to willingly#Ignore the amazing writing of the characters of marble hornets is a DISSERVICE to the story#That being said it doesn’t affect me too much personally it’s just bugging me so if you really are that bugged by this bigass complaint jus#Ignore it and do whatever you want to#I’m just putting my thoughts into the world here because it’s so repetitive I’ve started to have half the brain to block ship tags lately
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