#every single artist who does amazing shit also bullshits a LOT

[symbioticsimplicity]

So angry that for years I thought learning how to draw was about knowing how to draw every single little thing from every single little angle when its really about knowing how to cheat.

[destieltropecollection]

Destiel Trope Collection 2021 | Day 22: Meet Cute

Trick Or Oh No, Please Don't Cry | @deansmultitudes

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,360 Main Tags/Warnings: Modern AU, Dad!Castiel, Halloween, Fluff Summary: Dean expected the Halloween night, spent on giving out candy, to be rather uneventful. And it was, at least, until the tiny disaster happened.

Losing A Few Teeth | @vampamber

Rating: General Word Count: 1,481 Main Tags/Warnings: dentist office, high on nitrous oxide Dean, drunken marriage proposal, first meetings Summary: Dean probably should’ve had his wisdom teeth removed ages ago, but he's never been fond of doctors of any sort, and that included dentists as far as he's concerned. But when he wakes up from getting them removed, the nitrous oxide makes him a bit drunker than expected. Proposing marriage to the hot nurse with the ungodly amazing blue eyes level drunk, apparently.

irresistible | @kitmistry

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 1,529 Main Tags/Warnings: Top Castiel, Bottom Dean, Porn with Plot, Strangers to Lovers, Celebrity Castiel Summary: Well, hello there, Mr. Dark-and-Handsome. Dean can spy what is surely a demi-god, talking with a few ladies across the room. The ladies all coo, and blush, and cling to him with adoration written into every curve of their shapely bodies. The demi-god, though, is cool and aloof. He smiles politely at them, but doesn’t single any of them out. Doesn’t even really look like he’s paying that much attention to them, actually. His strikingly blue eyes scan the room every now and then, without focusing on any person or art piece in particular. The demi-god turns his face so he’s looking somewhere to Dean’s left, and holy. fucking. shit. That’s Castiel Novak! The movie star!

My Honey Bee | @vampamber

Rating: General Word Count: 1,774 Main Tags/Warnings: ABO, alpha Dean, omega Cas, true mates, scenting, first meetings Summary: Rolling his eyes as Sam excitedly made his way to a booth selling what looked like weeds as far as the alpha was concerned, Dean started wandering in the opposite direction. Wrinkling his nose in horror at an older lady selling hideous crafts made out of freaking corn husks (do people even buy crap like that?), he was suddenly hit by the most delicious scent ever. He knew he recognized it from somewhere, but he just couldn’t place it. It was sweet and thick, and even had him drooling a little from how good it smelled.

To All The Places I've Never Been | @vampamber

Rating: General Word Count: 2,814 Main Tags/Warnings: first meetings, barista Cas, pilot Dean, referenced Sam/Eileen Summary: Castiel has always wished that he could travel the world and see all the beauty and adventure awaiting him. Working at Starbucks for minimum wage, though, usually makes travel like that way too expensive and impossible. And working at said Starbucks in an airport only adds insult to injury. Maybe the cute green-eyed pilot that just ordered some coffee can sweep him away from here?

The Fortune Teller | @expectingtofly

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3,038 Main Tags/Warnings: Fortune Teller!Cas, Eileen/Sam, Normal Life AU, Beach Vacation, Fluff, Inspired by the song "Fortune Teller" by Robert Plant and Allison Krauss Summary: Dean doesn't trust any of this hippy bullshit—as he likes to call it. But he's at the beach on vacation with Sam and Eileen and they've dragged him to a fortune teller, so he reluctantly follows. Cue an attractive, charming fortune teller and a palm reading Dean wants to dismiss, but can't seem to shake.

Winchester's Haunted House | @deansmultitudes & @kitmistry

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3,417 Main Tags/Warnings: Modern AU, Past Character Death, Ghost!Cas, Halloween, Haunted House Summary: For the Halloween evening, Dean turns his new home into a haunted house for neighboring kids. But once all the guests are gone, is when the real haunting begins.

Heat powered by you | @Mistofstars

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4,177 Main Tags/Warnings: Destiel, cold winter night, holding hands for warmth, first encounter, Fluffy, Romance, duracell campaign Summary: Just two strangers in a cold winter night, who have both missed the last bus home. Luckily, there is a bus shelter that provides warmth – as long as you hold hands to close the electric circuit. Too bad that Castiel appears pretty infuriating to Dean. Or is it something else? P Inspired by the Duracell campaign "Moments of Warmth".

The Christmas Market | @gii-heylittleangel

Rating: General Word Count: 4,377 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas Fic, First Meet, Meet Cute Summary: Being alone in a country he didn't know was never Dean's plan. Still, he tried to make the best out of it and, in the end, he thinks he really did.

Muse | @twisted-pride

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4,605 Main Tags/Warnings: temporary character death, implied/referenced character death Summary: His life is but flashes Castiel has remembered from dreams, recreated in monochrome, if only so that Cas could prove this man wasn’t made up. After all, he’s certain he’s alive, that he’s someone out there that Cas just can’t get out of his head: he’s stuck with Cas too long to be fictional. And yet -- and it sounds silly in Cas’ head -- he’s never met the man. Someone he has drawn and painted for at least a decade, one that’s haunted his dreams even longer, and he didn’t even know his name. --- Ever since he was young, Cas has been haunted by this phantom of a man, both in his dreams and in the real world. No matter what Cas does, where he goes, the man is there too. In every mirror, every reflection, in puddles and car windows and the faintest reflection of Cas in the metal pitcher at restaurants. He's certain the man isn't the result of an overactive imagination or a ghost with unfinished business, but if he really is experiencing someone else's dreams, why is it only this stranger that Cas sees in his dreams and no one else? [Prophet AU]

This Charming Man | @expectingtofly

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4,993 Main Tags/Warnings: College AU, Fluff, First Kiss, Inspired by the song "This Charming Man" by The Smiths Summary: Castiel is not having a good night. He was on a bike ride, until some asshole nearly hit him with his car, sending Cas veering onto the shoulder. Now he has a flat tire and has to walk his bike back to his college dorm. And, it looks like it's about to rain. Then said asshole returns, apologizing and offering to give Cas a drive. Sure, he's attractive and Cas' own age, but he could also be a serial killer for all Cas knows. Either this night is looking up or it's gonna get a whole lot worse.

Splash | @notfunnydean

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 5,132 Main Tags/Warnings: Dean wears a bikini, Genderfluid Dean Winchester, Feminization, HHomophobic Language, genderphobia, lifeguard!cas, First Time, First Kiss, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting Summary: Dean is an idiot. Since it’s hot outside and Sammy wants a break from his studies, they decide to check out the local pool. Feeling brave Dean decides to finally be himself for once. Will he regret that?

A New Perspective | @kingdumbass

Rating: Mature Word Count: 5,471 Main Tags/Warnings: First Date, Meet Cute, Blind Date, Artist Cas, Language Summary: A recently dumped Dean is begrudgingly dragged off of his couch by his brother Sam to attend an art show. As it turns out, getting off the couch can be a good thing sometimes.

The Samhain Feast | @deansmultitudes & @kitmistry

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 5,840 Main Tags/Warnings: Magic AU,Wich!Dean/Familiar!Cas, Animal Sacrifice Summary: The end of the harvest. The one day the veil between our world and the otherworld is thinnest. The day when a witch coming of age can try summoning and binding a familiar. The Samhain Feast is a tradition so ancient, no one remembers how it started. Dean has attended every single one of them since he was old enough to walk, watching witches meeting their familiars and bonding with them. This year, it's his turn to make an offering. And hope one of the familiars chooses him.

Dear Santa | @imbiowaresbitch

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 5,854 Main Tags/Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Meet-Cute, Misunderstandings, Top Castiel/bottom Dean Winchester, First Kiss, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Rimming, Anal Sex, Happy Ending, kinda a christmas fic Summary: Castiel takes his 8-year-old son Jack to the mall, where Jack decides he HAS to speak to Santa. Cas is glad he did.

[oneofthosesimps]

Freak like Me

pairing: levi x fem!reader I nsfw

word count: 6230

summary: as soon as the reader enters levi's life, something changes in him. reader's madness spills over and he slowly changes

warnings: mention of blood (not yours), rough sex, dirtytalk, daddy kink, swearing, dom x dom, fight scene

authors note: although i wanted to write shorter stories again, this one somehow got longer again. i tried my hand at an action scene, but i still have to practice a lot. somehow i had strong harley x joker vibes and they had to come out, sorry.

all credits to the artist of this pic:

Lensar on DeviantArt

-----

Your gaze falls into the depths of the forest before you close your eyes. Bright rays of sunlight fall through the branches above you and warm your face. You hear birds chirping around you, the crackling of the wood beneath you, the rustling of leaves swirling in a gust of wind. You breathe deeply as your open hair blows back. You hear your heart beating quietly in your chest as the silence embraces you like an old friend. What does freedom mean? What does life mean? You are sure that this is pretty close to the source. The people behind the wall, who go about their lives every day hoping to see the next day, would never get to see this world. Especially not the people you left behind in the underground.

A grin plays around your lips as you hear the hissing far off in the distance. The trees groan behind you under the force with which the hooks bore into their bark. That took a long time, you think to yourself, as ropes speed past you. You hear the chatter and shouts of your comrades in fragments, shattering the silence around you. Blurred faces shoot past you one after the other.

You spread your arms and stretch them away from you. One last deep breath fills your lungs before you hold your breath. Slowly your body falls backwards before you lose your footing beneath you and plunge headlong into the depths. The air hisses loudly past your ears, your body spins around itself. You are weightless, the green blurs around you before your whole body is pressed full force into your harness and you are yanked back up. You hear the gas sweep around you as you fly through the air, trailing the others. Your hooks bore further away into the trunk of a thick, old tree. You take momentum, flying high into the treetops, letting the ropes come back to you. Unsecured, you fall through space. Your body does a backward roll, allowing you to observe the forest floor for a brief moment. The moss nestles around the roots of the trees, single brown leaves cover the forest path, bodies move forward beneath you, you can still see a squirrel quickly making its way to safety before your body returns to its normal position and you dig your hooks into a tree again. You zip between the trees, your cape flying behind you, your face brushing some branches that bore into your tender skin. You hear the pop of a cannon being fired and see red smoke in the sky northwest of you.

Immediately you change direction, sprinting forward, leaving behind other cadets who still haven't processed what is happening. Arriving in a clearing, you find your place on a thick branch high above. Further in the distance, you see the shaking of trees, the earth shaking slightly, making the grass dance on the ground. You hear heavy footsteps, still moving slowly.

The branch below you moves and you look to your right. Silver eyes stare at you from beneath tousled black hair, eyeing your small body.

"You really do have to keep pushing forward." You hear more bodies land on the trees behind you and the wood weighs down slightly. The rest of your squad waits for instruction from your captain.

"I guess this is why I'll never get my own Squad, sir."

You turn your gaze back to the direction the titan is coming at you from and grin.

"What do you think, fifteen seconds?"

"Mmm, more like ten," Levi guesses, and the tremor intensifies. A huge hand grips around a tree trunk, pulling out from between the trees, and big eyes stare at you. Nearly ten-metres high, abnormal.

"Let's see what you can do then, humanity's strongest soldier." He snorts and rolls his eyes before his whole body moves forward with a jerk. He pulls his swords from their holsters and places them close to his body. With an ease and without the titan even noticing him, he cuts a chunk out of his neck. Before Levi even gets back beside you, the giant falls to the ground and starts to steam.

That wasn't even seven. He crosses his arms in front of his chest, the blood on his face slowly disappears and he looks at you. A small smirk curls his lips, "Brat."

You snort and slam your fist against his shoulder.

Special.

That's the word everyone would use to describe your relationship.

Special.

The first time Levi laid his eyes on you, when he saw you among all the new, shitty cadets, his foot hit your stomach area shortly after. You lacked respect and you lacked punctuality and discipline too. Another pile of shit he had to deal with - or work on until it headed home in tears.

The day after that, he hit your face with his fist. Kneeling on the floor in front of him, panting, you looked up at him. Wiping blood from your lips, you grinned at him and looked at him with wide eyes, your pupils exploding. "That's all you got, sir." Just as he was about to grit his teeth and lunge with his foot to beat the living daylights out of you, Hange stopped him. He tore himself away from her and knelt down to you, looking at you with dead eyes, "I'm going to make your fucking life a living hell." Your tongue licked over your lower lip, wiping away the remaining blood and your grin widened, "Try me."

He kept his word, always picking you out, giving you more tasks, making you run round after round, cleaning the whole headquarters, beating up your little body several times, but to his displeasure you did it all flawlessly. Yes, you lacked respect and also punctuality and discipline, but your performance was amazing, almost close to his. And when he finally saw the potential in you that Erwin had been talking about all along, it suddenly stopped - he left you alone, saw you with different eyes. Something changed in him, as if a plug had been pulled. You watched each other across the field during training, in mess hall at dinner, every spare minute your eyes spent on each other and gradually butterflies crept into the pit of your stomach. And you had the feeling that behind the cold silver there was something deep and dark that you wanted to bring to the surface. Your exchanges were still kept to a minimum, however, until there was another bang.

"That's the stupidest plan I've heard in a long time," you snort, raising an eyebrow.

"Excuse me, brat?" You roll your eyes and stare at him just as coldly as it hits you. The temperature in the room drops noticeably and the others at the table hold their breath. No one dares to say anything. No one would dare say anything. The moonlight from outside shines in, the candles in the room flicker slightly and trace sharp edges on your faces.

"That's the stupidest plan I've heard in a long time," you repeat louder, "Better, sir?"

Levi's eyes blaze and he stares at you. His eyebrows draw together, the corners of his mouth drop. You see Armin open his mouth speechlessly to your right.

Your hairs stand up, the electricity rises and you bite your lower lip, grinning.

"You doubt my plan?" says Levi low and monotone. Jean's hand lands on your shoulder and he grips it, pressing you into your seat to save you from your own stupidity, but it wasn't you who was stupid, it was the whole plan Levi had just explained to you.

"Not only do I doubt it, but I also have a better one," your grin widens as Levi's liquid silver darkens. "Let me fight on the front lines. Mikasa is good, but I'm better".

"For that, you're an incorrigible little bitch who won't listen to my orders".

"Yes, because my plans usually make more sense".

"You're not ready for that. Your cluelessness only makes you run from one titan to another. That statement alone shows me how small your brain is if you're not even aware of it and now shut your mouth."

Jean's grip tightens, but you just push his hand away from you. After your next blink, your heart jumps a tiny bit as you see Levi's annoyed face. He is always good at holding back his anger and it never shows. In fact, he almost never shows any emotion, but you see right through him. He has it bubbling up inside him. Never contradicts him and if he does, the person suffers a thousand deaths afterwards. But between you it is somehow different, tingling. It gives you the greatest pleasure to see him like this and you know, deep inside him, a voice is telling him that he enjoys it too. Others would describe you as crazy and full of the courage to live, but that's what makes it all so appealing.

"Maybe we can find a compromise?" suggests Armin and you see the sweat on his brow as he almost shits himself at the words. You roll your eyes and look back at Levi.

"I thought you wanted to make my life hell. So that's a good start," you remind him of the first words he ever said to you.

"Your plans are bullshit. If I let you keep fighting up front, you'll probably get yourself killed by your insanity, " he growls, almost at his limit. But only almost.

You lean over slightly, look at him, smile slightly, grin, bite your lip again, breathe, "I have a feeling you like this madness, Levi."

He tenses slightly, draws his eyebrows together again as his name passes your lips. Connie coughs and tries to draw attention to himself, but everyone ignores him. It seems like everyone is in a state of shock because you simply addressed him by his first name. Everyone watches spellbound as you literally eye-fuck each other. Do they like the show? Almost at his limit.

"Tch, what did you just call me, brat?" his voice gets louder and his hands form into fists. You lean back in your chair again and look at him, bored.

"Oh, I didn't know you had such bad hearing. Don't you like Levi? That's your name, isn't it? Do you prefer Sir? Or Captain? Or maybe," your eyes looked up at him, burning into him, "Daddy?" At his limit. Pathetic.

A deep dark sound comes from his throat and the others hold their breath again. His whole posture grows stronger and wider. You see the muscles working under his clothes, see veins popping on his hand and you feel butterflies in your stomach. His eyes are black. You all sit like that for a few seconds. You watch his gestures and his face change emotions. Without warning, his right hand hits the table flat, "Fuck off."

The sound cuts through the silence and the weaklings among you flinch. Confused, no one moves, while your eyes do not leave each other's. Armin is about to open his mouth and Jean is about to put his hand on your shoulder again when Levi stands up with a jerk, his chair tipping backwards and hitting the wooden floor with a thud.

"I said fuck off," he roars, looking around with a death glare.

Chairs squeak, footsteps run across the wooden floor, making it creak.

"What have you done now?" whispers Jean in your ear and you give him a look before he walks behind the others and the door closes.

The scene stops again and you stare at Levi. Both hands flat on the table in front of him, leaning on his arms and looking down, he stands there. You can no longer see his eyes as his long black strands fall into his face, but you notice his tense jaw. Your heart leaps again. He was so handsome. Especially when he was angry. Finally, you break the silence.

"Great, now you've scared everyone," you sigh and roll your eyes.

"What are you doing?", Levi hisses back at you, spitting venom and bile, finally raising his head. His eyes blaze again and your core drips.

"I don't know what you mean."

"You know your place, so start acting like it, you piece of shit."

"I wish my place was naked in front of you." Before Levi has taken in what you've said, you stand up, pushing the chair back a little as you do so, "Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go to sleep too. The day was exhausting and I need to rest to be fit for the expedition. So, I can sit my ass off nicely in midfield."

You turn away from him and your heart slips slightly into your pants. Never turn your back on the enemy. "But of course, it makes much more sense for Mikasa to fight in front and me in the back. Makes sense."

You can take two steps as his hand wraps firmly around your wrist. He squeezes too tightly, hurting you, and you grin again.

"Repeat what you said." His voice is so low it sends a shiver down your spine. Your expression changes and, playfully annoyed, you turn to face him.

"Do you mean the part where I explained that I was going to sit my ass off." He growls and you almost groan. The tension was heavy and hot.

"Stop playing games. My patience is running out."

You lick your lower lip again, wetting it before biting down on it. "I know this isn't about the fucking mission," Levi looks at your mouth. You take a step closer to him, looking up at him from below. "I wish my place was naked in front of you, Daddy," you breathe.

In that split second, his lips land on yours. Two forces of nature collide and you almost topple backwards. His arm wraps tightly around your waist, pulling you against him, and you finally moan. He bites your lower lip hard and you open your mouth in pain. He takes the opportunity to dig his tongue deep between your lips. He presses himself against your body and you slam into the wall behind you. A pain runs through your head as your tongues circle each other, fighting to see who has the upper hand. Your hands go into his hair, reaching deep into his mane, and you pull his head closer to you. Big hands grip your waist and he lifts you up with ease so you can wrap your legs around him. His hands travel under your thighs, squeezing the flesh before he drills them into the fat of your ass. Your teeth collide as you drill your tongue deeper into his mouth, exploring his mouth cavity. He releases the kiss and a thread of spit connects you. You lay your head back and lick over your swollen, sore lips as he places his mouth on your vein, kissing your pulse before licking along it.

"Took you long enough to finally decide to fuck me."

"Shut your mouth, brat," he breathes against your neck before biting into it and sucking on it.

"I swear, if you leave hickeys ..." you groan.

"What then? Are you going to hit me with your little fists?"

"You mean like you did to me all those times? Nah, I'm not an asshole like you. But you probably secretly get off on it."

He bites your neck, just above your pulse, and your head slams back against the wall behind you, making you see stars. He smirks as his nails dig into you and you claw into his shirt. Your panties are completely wet and your juice leaks out of you incessantly. You moan loudly as his teeth dig deeper into your flesh. This was far too good to be true. Your left hand goes into his hair again, you pull at the strands and tear him away from you. He makes a face and you press your lips to his again, biting his lower lip until you taste blood. He gasps and pushes your head away from him, "You're crazy."

You grin broadly at him. "We've been over this," you lick his lower lip apologetically, "and I can see you like it." His gaze is on your face as you wrap your arms around him. "You like crazy, you will stick your dick in crazy." A dark sound escapes him and your nails run over his neck. "You can't even argue with me, you want to fuck this crazy bitch so badly."

His lips land on yours again and you grin against him before moaning into his mouth as he presses you tighter against the wall. His hands leave your ass, skimming up the sides of your waist before moving forward to your chest. Two of his fingers find their way along between the buttons, stroking the sensitive skin. Your belly grows warm with the butterflies inside him. You wrap your legs tighter around his waist and run your hand under the fabric of his shirt at the nape of his neck, running it over the muscles of his shoulders and it shakes you with pleasure.

His strong hands grip the fabric of your blouse and without warning, he rips the front apart, sending the buttons flying across the room. You bite your lip as his arms fall around your waist to hold you in place. "You shouldn't have taken your anger out on my blouse," you moan as he kisses the bulge above your right collarbone and licks along it.

"Would you rather I took it out on you?" he murmurs as he bites into that thin skin too, sucking on it and sure to leave a hickey.

"Yes, I don't know you any different."

He continues to lick forward, kissing the ridge at the end of your neck, licking over a mole at the beginning of the mound of your breast. His right hand comes away from your waist, grips your left breast and kneads it. You claw into his shoulders, leaving marks as he pushes the cup off it and you feel his hand skin on skin. Almost painfully, he rolls your nipple between his thumb and forefinger and you push your back through, coming to meet him.

"Mmm, you like that?" he murmurs and you can hear his grin.

"I never thought you'd be this good at it," you mock, before you make a grimace and groan. Pain runs through you as he bites down on your nipple and then his lips wrap around it and he sucks on it. The sensation extends to your fingertips and your toes, coursing through your whole body. You close your eyes, savouring and moaning his name as he bites into it again. He sucks harder on it, lifting his head slightly and releasing it with a plop. He circles your nipple with his tongue and licks it slowly and pleasurably. The knot in your stomach tightens and your head is fogged.

"More," you moan into the room. You tug at the piece of fabric covering him and press your core tighter against him.

"Don't be so impatient, idiot."

"I'm not impatient, you're just slow."

He pulls your whole body down a bit, pressing his bulge into your centre. You curse because the fabric between you is annoying and rub against him greedily.

"Slowly then?" he purrs against your ear and comes towards you, rubbing against you too, "I'll keep that in mind." He grips you again and lifts you away from the wall. You let yourself fall against him and moan against his neck, licking it as you continue to try and build pressure.

Shortly after, your bottom touches the table and he releases your weight. You seize the opportunity and do the same to him, yanking him out of his shirt.

"Tch, but I'm venting my anger," he leans over you, capturing your lips again. Immediately your tongues meet. Greedily your fingers touch his body, stroking his soft skin beneath your fingers, feeling individual scars over, which you let your thumb wander. You caress each and every muscle and gape at his well-built body. He surpasses every single one of your fantasies that you imagined while he was training or just cleaning. You follow his muscles down to the V of his pelvis and a deep moan comes over him as you undo the buckle of his belt. His hands also find their way to your trousers, undoing them, and he releases the kiss. He goes to the floor, kneels in front of the table where you are still sitting and looks up at you. Slowly he takes off your boots without taking his eyes off you. You watch him spellbound, a grin falling on your lips again. He pulls at your trouser legs and you lift your bottom, helping a little so that he can brush the fabric off your legs.

His hands run over your feet and you shake yourself slightly before he kisses them.

"Mmm," you moan, "I could see you like this more often, Captain." You bite your lower lip as his hands slide along your legs. Again, and again his lip or tongue hits your skin, caressing it and you are sure you would leave a stain on the neatly cleaned table. At the latest, when his lips lick the insides of your thighs, your hands clasp the edge of the table. You groan and your right hand goes into his hair, claws into it. His hands settle on your legs, pushing them apart, and his warm breath touches your core. He looks at the dark fabric separating his face from your lower lips and licks his lips. How will you taste? There is a distinct stain, your juice colours the fabric a shade blacker and his hard cock presses against his still closed trousers. He draws in the air around him and he groans. You smell so incredibly good, how much he'd like to taste you. How much he would like to fuck you.

When you notice his fingers gently stroking your pussy and he grips the fabric to pull it aside, you moan again and pull on his head.

Painfully he is pulled back and you close your legs.

"What are you doing, idiot?" he gasps in annoyance, his face contorting at the sting.

"I don't feel like playing this time," you murmur, grinning. "My patience is wearing thin," you repeat his words from earlier, "I don't feel like waiting anymore."

You press your toes against his chest and push him backwards. He is slightly off balance, staggers and falls into the chair behind him.

"Unzip your pants already", you stand up and your hands each rest on the back of the chair next to his head, your breasts dangling in his face, "Go ahead".

Completely caught off guard, he undoes the button and then the zip. You grin again and lean forward towards him. Your lips meet his jaw, kissing along it to his ear and you put your mouth to the shell of his ear, "And now you take out your big cock."

He growls slightly and does as you command. Your gaze falls briefly on his hard erection and a shiver comes over you, your butterflies dancing inside you.

"That's much better, isn't it, Daddy?" you see his Adam's apple dangle as he swallows hard and you look into his eyes. You place one leg on each side of his body. Your hands slide from the back of the chair to his shoulders and you claw into them. Still covered with a piece of cloth, you rub your cunt over his hard cock, which presses against it. You moan and he does the same, putting his hands on your waist and squeezing. His eyes close and he puts his head back in his neck, "Do it already."

"Anything my daddy wants," your hand grips the thin fabric and pulls it aside. Drops of your juice hit him, mixing with his precum and you rub it along your slit before gripping his shaft and sliding his thick tip inside you.

Never would you have expected him to be so big. Your walls press tightly against him as he slides inch by inch into you. Your eyebrows draw together because it feels so good. Levi gasps slightly beneath you as you swallow him slowly.

"You're huge," you sigh contentedly as he's fully inside you, and you twitch your walls, his fingers buried deep in the flesh of your waist. His jaw seems tense, but his eyes look at you half-closed. His irises are no longer visible. "God, so fucking huge. We should have done this so much sooner. I think it's tearing me apart," you grin wide and happy as you feel a slight burn.

"If I had known how good you looked doing that, I would have fucked you sooner."

"Yeah, would you have?" you look deep into his eyes as you move upwards, his cock sliding completely out of you and you lower yourself back down onto him, "Do you like the way I ride your cock?" Your movements slowly quicken and you hear the smacking of your cunt as it swallows his cock again and again.

"Do you like the way your thick cock keeps digging deep into me?" He growls out and starts to come towards you. His hips thrust upwards, hitting you hard. As he does, you don't part your gaze for a second and it feels like you can glimpse his soul.

"Do you like the way my cunt milks you?" Levi digs one hand into the fat of your ass, pulling on it and baring his teeth. You dig your nails into his back as he changes the angle and bumps against your G-spot. The sounds of his balls hitting your ass and the mixing of your fluids grow louder. You become incredibly hot and start to sweat.

"Do you like the way I moan your name?" you add a long Levi at the last word and he stares at you like you're a goddess. His goddess.

"Fuck, you're so hot," he murmurs in a dry, heavy voice.

"That you ever thought otherwise hurts my heart." You ram your fingernails deeper into his back and pull at the skin, leaving deep marks.

"I'll never think anything else again," he groans up at you. By now you are no longer riding him. Instead, he holds you in place above him, your feet no longer even touching the ground, and he thrusts into you with a brutality that leaves you breathless. The knot in your stomach gets tighter and tighter and you bite his shoulder to stifle a scream. He fucks you like a madman, pressing his body hard against yours and enjoying the feel of your hard nipples against his chest. He tries to get even deeper, to push against your cervix, but the position is too shitty for that.

"That won't do," he groans, suddenly lifting you up. With his pants at his ankles and you in his arms, he walks back to the table, lays you down on it ungently and buries himself in you again. He grips your legs with his hands, rests them on his shoulders and increases his speed further. He fucks you into the hard wood of the table and puts his head back, moaning your name loudly. He comes so far inside you, you feel pain deep inside you. Such good pain.

"God, your cunt is so tight. I never want to feel anything else ever again." You open your mouth to say something but nothing comes out. Your breath has long left your lungs and your brain can't make anything up. Your little body is concentrating solely on how his fat cock is being pushed into you, how he is tearing your little hole in two and how incredible this feeling is. Because of this, you just mumble something to yourself, which makes him grin, "Suddenly I guess your mouth isn't so big anymore." Again, you try to say something, but it is in vain. Your head is full of fog and all you can think about is how he should thrust harder, even deeper, which is no longer possible, and how he should take you. You want him to ruin you, for everything and everyone. Every night he should do this to you so that you can never stand or sit again. You just want to be his little plaything.

"Good to know I can shut you up like this." His cock hits your G-spot hard and makes you see stars. You moan loudly and reach for something to claw into, but there's nothing. "Alright, I guess silent isn't quite the right word".

He's fucking you so well and you glare at him as he stares at you and you bite your lip, your breathing becoming more uncontrolled and you nod slightly at him to signal how close you are. He grins and you push your back through as he thrusts into you one last time and you explode, screaming his name and losing your grip on the earth.

That was probably the beginning of your death - and probably that of every other - but who knows for sure. The two of you were quite a force on your own, but as a duo you were invincible. Soon, word got out about what had happened. You could have tried to deny it, but it wasn't difficult to guess, since you were ever the only person allowed to disobey Levi and get away alive. Moreover, your loud moans could be heard throughout the building. Everyone should know that you now belong to each other. Your madness spilled over onto him. You had nothing left to lose - except each other and you swore you would only leave this hell together.

"Listen up, shitheads," Levi turns his attention to the people behind you and you follow his gaze, "we're going to do another round and secure the perimeter before we set up camp here for the night."

"Yes, sir," everyone but you shouts in unison and salutes. You roll your eyes.

Your gaze, on the other hand, averts and you direct it to the trees around you. The birdsong has died down and the wind has receded. The branch beneath you sways slightly again as Armin lands on it and turns to talk to Levi. You ignore them both and continue to look around. No wind, but the leaves sway back and forth. You close your eyes and concentrate. Far in the distance you can hear a river making its way through the ground. There is a faint smell of wet moss and it is all so peaceful. Far away you hear the tapping of a woodpecker looking for its food before it suddenly stops. You tear your eyes open and clutch the handles of your equipment. A moment later you see the bird fluttering overhead with a loud bird song. Your eyes fall on Levi and over Armin's shoulder he looks at you. He raises an eyebrow before your typical grin falls to your lips and his expression slips.

You shoot your hooks, which bore into a tree and you fly away. Behind you, you hear the shouting of others and more gas being consumed as you make your way through the forest. You build up speed and zoom past the many trees. You race in the direction from which you just heard the woodpecker. You hear a stomping sound that gets louder and louder the closer you get to it, before you see two huge figures running past you on your left. You didn't expect two, but that only means one more point on your kill scale. Your hands grip the handles of your 3DMG tighter and adrenaline rushes through your bloodstream. You draw in a deep breath through your nose as you suddenly change direction and race towards them. In the distance, you catch sight of your squad and see Levi racing ahead of them after you. He is stronger than you, but you are faster. He has left the squad behind with ease and does not look happy. His rage-filled face makes you feel like you're on fire and a shiver runs down your spine.

"Sorry," you shout loudly to them as you fly through the air and your hook bores into a titan's shoulder. You hear Levi yell your name, but you ignore him. Unfortunately, this distracts the two titans and they notice you. They stop and look around before spotting Levi.

The smaller titan is just under eight metres tall, the other about two metres taller, both of course abnormal. You whirl around the larger one and draw your swords, placing them against your small body, ready for battle. You hiss at his neck, but while he has not yet set his sights on you, the smaller one turns his attention to you and looks at you with wide eyes. He reaches out his hand to you. You curse loudly and drill your hook into a tree above you to get away from him quickly. It is just enough that when he closes his hand, you are not caught in it. Instead, your sole touches his huge finger and you push off against him in addition to putting more land between him and you. On the other side of the field, you see Levi whirling through the air, attracting the little titan's attention. He puts up his swords ready to fight, but you are quicker, get in his way and cut the titan's neck with a smooth slice. The first titan goes down, begins to steam and you are left with the larger one. As you fly through the air, you drill your hooks into his arm and pull yourself towards him. Just before you get on top of him you change direction and fly towards his shoulder. The titan looks around and tries to spot you again, but you are too fast. The next time your hooks hit a tree in the distance. You fly towards his neck, your swords just setting when your ropes suddenly loosen. The titan has lashed out, ripping them out of the tree. You tear open your eyes, more adrenaline finding its way into your bloodstream, your heart pounding against your chest. For the moment, your course is not altered, so your cut glides through him perfectly and he falls slowly to the ground. But you fall with him. You try to drill your hooks back into a tree, but apparently, he has damaged your equipment, so nothing happens. Panic shoots into your head as you get closer and closer to the ground. You close your eyes and brace yourself for impact before you hit the ground. Your air is ripped from your lungs, your body aches under the contact and the wind flies around your ears. You cling to the body against you and rest your head against its neck. Black tea and lemon. As soon as your feet touch ground, he sets you down and pushes you off him. You stagger back and see the faces of the rest of your comrades, who look at you in horror.

"What was that about, you retard?!" snarls Levi at you, and you see his tense jaw and the deep creases on his forehead, his lips pressed hatefully into a line, as he presses his eyebrows together.

"I don't know what you're upset about. I had the situation under control." You pat the dirt off your clothes, hoping he doesn't see your slightly wobbly legs. You take a deep breath and look up at him. That was more action than you planned. To be honest, the situation got out of hand, but you would never admit that - especially not in front of Levi.

"Under control?! You call that under control! You disobeyed my order!" he yells at the whole forest and you see Krista wince.

"I killed them, what more do you want? If you hadn't come, I would have finished faster."

"He almost killed you!"

"Right, almost," you grin at him and undo the straps of your equipment, letting it fall to the floor. It is no longer of any use and simply means more burden that you would have to carry around with you. You kick it lightly and it rattles. Everyone seems shocked, and Levi clenches his hands into fists. You bite your lower lip, "You were there, weren't you?"

"Yeah, but I'm not always, maron!"

"Yeah, and I'm good at taking care of myself in those moments," you stride towards him and place your hands on his tense chest, "Daddy."

You wink at him and the others almost skin it at your words. Eren is probably already thinking about running away before Levi takes his anger out on him. You stroke his shirt and he stares at you. His anger is immeasurable, but you can see something else mingling in his gaze and he relaxes slightly.

"You'll pay for that later," he murmurs and you lick your lips.

"I expected nothing less."

[mooshs-crack-headcanons]

Hello! May I please ask for Lupin and Jigen with the letters E, M, and Z? (Thank you so much in advance!)

Hello! Just a heads up I haven't watched lupin in a very hot minute (hopefully I can fix that) and basically did this by memory so forgive me if anything is a bit ooc! 

Lupin 

E   :   EMBRACE.   Does your s/o like hugs? what are their hugs like?

Of course Lupin likes hugs, he loves hugs! Every time he greets you expect to be tackled down by the master thief's embrace along with his long string of adoring phrases to go along with it. Hugs from him never fail to make you feel every ounce of love from every fiber of his being, you know because he's sweet like that. 

M   :  MILESTONE.  what was the exact moment your s/o realised they had feelings for you?

He remembers it vividly, it was after a heist that he of course went in over his head that he actually managed to get nicked a few times in the shoulder by stray shots from the cops. But this is Lupin of course, he's going to whine and bitch about how he "saw his life flashing before his eyes" to get some sympathy points out of you - which usually works on most people, however, this time it definitely doesn't work on you. He immediately cuts the bullshit once you start screaming and crying at how tired you are about all his crazy bullshit schemes and how much you worry with every job that one day…your worst fear will happen. 

It more than takes him off guard; it scares the shit out of him. He just wants to have fun and steal shit not...worrying you to the point of tears. He moves to adjust himself on the couch so that he can caress your cheek so that you look up at him, ready to rest your worries - but the moment he looks into your glossy tearfilled eyes he just...freezes. He isn't sure what it was at that moment, maybe it was just the fact you were showing actual genuine concern for him, but with his mouth agape and his dark eyes darting all over your features to him, none of the most expensive jewels could even compare to your beauty. With a sigh, he collects himself and quietly apologizes for acting so recklessly and that he promises that he'll keep your worry in mind, he cares about you and hates to see you cry after all. 

Z   :   ZZZ.   how is sharing a bed with your s/o?

Good luck actually keeping your IN the bed at night. Lupin tends to move around in his sleep quite often and quite frequently so it's quite easy to find yourself woken up at 2 am because your boyfriend kicked you mid slumber onto the floor. 

Jigen 

E   :   EMBRACE.   Does your s/o like hugs? what are their hugs like?

Jigen really isn't a touchy touchy sort of guy so hugs from him are very rare (when he isn't drunk; then he's just the affectionate drunk) But when you do find yourself in one of the rare sober embraces expect the feel of every single possible trouble you could have in your thought just completely vanish. These are very tender moments, as he wraps his arms around your waist and buries his face either into your neck or the top of your head. His presence just...seems to calm you, which isn't just the case for you because Jigen finds himself feeling the same way. There's no annoyance for whatever Lupin has recently done; it's just the feeling of the two of you together which Jigen definitely enjoys the feeling of. 

M   :  MILESTONE.  what was the exact moment your s/o realised they had feelings for you?

It was at some bar one night, the place only had a few other customers who kept to themselves so the place was actually quite quiet. He sat at the bar with you watching the ice swirl around in his glass as his attention went in and out of listening to you talk next to him. 

"Jigen?" 

He comes out of his trance when you gently shake his shoulder a bit and spills his drink out of his hand - the glass hitting the floor. A curse gritted through his teeth before saying his apologies to the person at the bar before he about went to bent over to clean it up until you already beat him to it which then as he mutters a thank before going to take out his wallet - you also beat him to it by slamming crash from your pocket onto the counter before going to continue your cleaning. 

After disposing of the glass you return to ask your previous question; was something on his mind? Jigen sighs as he looks back to his replacement drink. 

"Nope, just fine."

You watch how he downs the alcohol - you knew damn well that was a lie. You sip your own drink, taking a minute to down the burning sensation. You sigh, looking back over to him. 

"Jigen, we both know the truth. But I respect your choice - you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I'm just really glad I've gotten to know you over this time and - just like the rest of the crew, I'm here to listen if you ever need to vent or anything. I know how things...really can suck in our line of work." 

He takes a moment to meet your gentle gaze, your smallest of smiles and he can't help but to softly laugh to himself and how cliche your whole response was...although with a double take it does seem genuine so much in fact for the briefest of moments he actually considers opening up about his trust issues and everything surrounding that shitty situation. However he doesn't given that voice in the back of his head - you're different from most people he's met and he definitely cares about you and the rest of the crew and seeing your concern...does something to him and he feels if he acts on it it might ruin things. 

But give him a little bit more time to let him settle the inner debate with himself and then he'll open up to show you the wounds on his heart, wounds you can possibly help heal the tiniest of bits. 

Z   :   ZZZ.   how is sharing a bed with your s/o?

Jigen is a decent person to share a bed with, he doesn't tend to move around a lot in his sleep very much - tending to mostly likely wake up in the exact position he fell asleep in so there's no worries getting crushed or physically kicked out of bed in your sleep like there would be with somebody like Lupin. So with that Jigen makes an amazing pillow! You can easily nuzzle your face in his chest as he holds a gentle supportive grip around your waist and fall asleep in no time at all in cuddle hold. 

If you like what you read please consider reblogging! It means the world for writers and artists!

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

What type of kids do you think the ikevamp guys would be if they went to high school?

Oh boy HERE WE GO

(Under a cut bc this post is a Long Boi^TM)

Napoleon. Would prbly be that kid that’s like somehow bafflingly in the top ten of his class but nobody ever sees him??? Like he’s always late to school or napping in the quietest places on campus (they found him in a locker once and the school was laughing about it for WEEKS bc he insisted he was just chillin, and it wasn’t like a bullying incident he just wanted to sleep LMAO). Surprisingly amiable? A lot of people are afraid of him at first but he’s just so casual and direct, he gains quite a few friends (and a good number of girls have a crush on him--he always diverts the attention of skeevy guys). Good friends with Jeanne because they fence together a lot, and people are always baffled at how easily they chat

Mozart. Where do I begin. Number one in his class, perfectionist prick. That one kid that’s a known prodigy and that everyone hates for his impeccable grades and musical talent. Always gets the solos and conducting roles in the school performances. He knows how to play a crowd--will always be sweet and cherubic in front of teachers. But when it’s just the students? All gloves are off. Frigid and incendiary, will not take any shit and will tear you apart with words in milliseconds. Do not cross. He will end your entire life and self-esteem, it’s not worth it. Has a few friends, and they often experience the disdain of jealous students--but they’re all steadfast about defending him. And Mozart will not tolerate it if people are mistreating his friends, he’s an iron wall of defense; to be his friend means to always have someone looking out for you, make no mistake. He and Jeanne often grab food together after practice and ask about each others day, they hella close but never really show it while school’s on--their class schedules are worlds apart bc of their grades, and at lunch they’re usually practicing/doing hw. When they hug it out at graduation and pat each other on the back everyone nearly falls the fuck out of their chair LMFAO

Leonardo. That kid that 100% could probably be in the top fifty of his class but just can’t be bothered to give a damn. Always argues points with his teachers and plays devil’s advocate until they are inches from exploding at him. Always the one to mercifully make class feel shorter with his absolute distraction-heavy shitfuckery (and sometimes you really learn something because of his line of thinking). He's a dumbass but like harmless, essentially. Used to be the perfect student^TM and then decided the system was bullshit and he wanted no part of it, thinks public education can kiss his ass. Nobody knows it since he asks people not to talk about it, but he tutors kids after school for hours--has brought kids from Ds to Bs. He always dodges nosy people, never goes to parties, and finds ways to intervene around kids that are struggling with smth (with ninja stealth of course). Despite how easily he laughs and chats with just about anyone, he’s...actually surprisingly v much a lone wolf. Only ever consistently hangs out with the heartthrob rich kid, but nobody understands why???? And they’re always roasting each other wtf, are they even friends????

Comte. Pretty boy genius, always in the top five of his class though doesn’t seem too worried about it or obsessed with rank as students often are. It’s more that his parents have high expectations for his future as their heir, so he tends to fall in line with it. Born into money but somehow....not an asshole??? He doesn’t really like showing off, tries to be quiet about his accomplishments but his parents won’t really allow it--and he’s the star of the soccer team so it can be hard to hide. Most often the one at a party trying to help people sober up (always designated driver) or hearing his friends out when they have a problem. Has never publicly tried to bust heads, but some of the guys in the school insist he’s got a dark side--probably because he threatened them (passive aggressively) within an inch of their lives for being disgusting to girls. But nobody believes them bc...I mean look at him, does that look like a threat?? He just bought that kid’s lunch for christ’s sake. TONS of girls ask him out and confess their feelings, and he always lets them down as gently as he can--conceivably doesn’t like anyone himself, as far as the student body knows. Like Leonardo he’s v amiable, but also manages to reveal nothing personal while getting close. Leonardo’s the only one that’s managed to scratch the surface, and the kid won’t leave him alone for some godforsaken reason. And yet, he seems to enjoy their minutes of banter more than the hours of time spent with “friends”

Arthur. Oh boy. Good lord. Well. He used to be a sweetheart that would always seek out the mousier students and bring them into discussion/involve them on the playground. But alas, Teenage Jadedness^TM hit him like a train and now he’s an incorrigible flirt and believes no single person can be good deep down (somebody get this bitch some eyeliner). Believes the world will always be a cruel and unfeeling place where victims are never heard, so he just kind of goes full skeptical and bitter (think Sylvain for those of you that are FE fans). Has fun with every girl he sees (usually dating several girls at once) and doesn’t much care for his grades, but somehow has perfect scores in English?? He insists it’s because he needs to keep his seduction game on par with the voices of older legends before him, but some of the girls that see him in the library from time to time--v serious--are struck by how attractive he is in such deep focus, entirely uncharacteristic of his nosy and boisterous behavior in the halls (can often be seen whirling around Isaac like a bird of prey while our little baby robin Isaac stiffly tries to get away from him, and Dazai often joins to make things even more chaotic bc why not? In reality they just love this feisty kid that never gives up on what’s right, even though they’ve both given up trying themselves)

Dazai. He’s one of those kids that like does weed regularly but is also like...alarmingly insightful?? Like those kids I was always told to avoid, but now and again I would have conversations with out of necessity and was just...kinda shook. I mean granted he’s a little weird but he’s fairly harmless?? He’s like a class clown but on a massive scale--there’s nobody in the place that doesn’t know who he is, that haven’t heard tales of his exploits (he always comes in through the windows and gets detention for it a lot, and he even brought a chicken with him to school once????) nobody gets what he’s doing at any moment (don’t even know if he does really, chaotic mofo) and honestly nobody wants to know they just do the side eye meme when he appears or laughs. The teachers lament his untapped potential or just hate him for making their lives an even bigger headache than usual, and his grades are...yeah let’s not look at those. Organized the senior prank with absolute GLEE, and it was talked about for ages after he was gone--an inspiration chaotic bastards everywhere

Theodorus. (I hate.......that I pictured him in those like Vineyard Vine white boy clothes.......for the record its mostly bc his parents force him to wear them). All business. This kid doesn’t have time for your bullshit, will absolutely walk away if you’re boring him or seeking social clout. Popular because he’s hot and has a mean streak a mile wide, all the girls that didn’t like Mozart for being ethereal and effeminate boomeranged to find Theo ready to fulfill their hopes and dreams. They only grow more feral when rumors of him actually being fairly nice one on one--and telling creeps to fuck off of vulnerable girls at parties--start to circulate. (If he isn’t with Vincent, Arthur is probably near. Nobody understands how the two are brothers????) Van Gogh name apparently is just “I can be your angel or i can be your devil” and no one understands how... Grades are average and he’s plenty capable, most of his time is spent working after school because his parents refuse to provide Vincent with any artistic materials (canvas, paints, etc). They ask him to go to parties more, but he only goes to piss his parents off (he’s v lowkey punk and it’s understandably sexy of him). Will literally only listen to Vincent, and got in a looooot of trouble after getting into a fistfight with Shakespeare. Only stopped because his parents blamed Vincent for the incident, and Vincent apologized and went quiet for days ;-;

Vincent. Always been quiet and shy, but he doesn’t dislike ppl--he just has a hard time speaking up now and again. His parents always talk over him and tell him nothing he has to say has any real value, so he tends to struggle with a lot of self-doubt. Not isolated because he’s not likeable, it’s more because people tend to take advantage of his mild and earnest nature--until Theo runs them off. He’s on amiable terms with most people but has no real, true friends and it makes him feel lonely a lot. Mostly copes with the emotional turmoil by painting as much as he can. His grades are average, he does reliably well but can often be found daydreaming or distracted. Theo tends to escort him everywhere because of his propensity to attract danger (namely Shakespeare) or walk into things cuz he’s in his head a lot. A few of the artsier girls and the quiet academic girls have HUGE crushes on him (he’s softspoken, sweet, and calm; come on now), but he’s so distant--and honestly nice to everyone in equal measure--that they don’t have much hope of it coming to fruition. This kid deadass doesn’t think a single girl would ever like him that way so he’s just c:???????? when Theo talks about “those nosy harpies coming after my brother”

Jeanne. EDGY MCEDGE. Isn’t amazing in the academic department, but he’s a killer fencer--the rallying cry of the entire team. He became leader his sophomore year and he’s pretty much the only reason they keep destroying at tournaments throughout the year. Despite the pervasive interest in him he intimidates most people away with his swift intensity and ironclad stoicism. Silent as a grave and very still, people are convinced he’s the Grim Reaper reincarnated (listen he’s juST A DUTIFUL BABIE N O). If he isn’t fencing or practicing, Isaac often offers him help in the library after school hours in one of the study rooms (can’t be seen who’s inside from the outside). The two develop a kind of uncanny bond; they’re both so...bad at human-ing that they find a lot of comfort in the atmosphere they create. There’s none of the bullshit grandstanding or clout obsession, just them genuinely trying to help each other (yes Jeanne absolutely teaches Isaac self-defense moves in order to crush the kids that pick on him, and Jeanne often either glares or outright threatens those students when Isaac isn’t looking). Only ever smiles or feels understood when he’s hanging out with Mozart, so he cherishes the time Mozart offers him to hang (he knows the kid is busy up to his eyeballs and under a ton of pressure by comparison, his parents don’t care much as long as they can brag about his fencing records)

Isaac. Mega nerd that just...does not know how to interact. Only understands math and DESTROYS in competitive math club, but otherwise is always alone at lunch or just in the library. A little bean pole because he doesn’t look after himself very well (neglects to eat a lot) and can sometimes be found asleep on his books. If approached he will be very thorny, doesn’t have any friends to speak of and trusts everyone about as far as he can throw them. Yells at Arthur and Dazai a lot when they flock around him, and has gotten into his fair share of fights. Never starts fights, but will finish them. People are surprised he can hold his own, and he comes away with blood that ain’t his. There are a few girls that are curious about him, but its mostly the ones that have seen his awkward thoughtfulness in club--or the girls that are sick of the assholes and appreciate how stalwart he is. He really just wants to be left in peace (his parents never show up to his meets or when he wins academic awards, and the few teachers that notice are pretty concerned abt his reactivity and complete lack of social savvy...) Leonardo always helps him sneak in at night to look at the stars on the school roof

Shakespeare is p much the like “kid most anticipated to be in jail as soon as they’re out of high school” He just. Has that like...serial killer vibe??? Idk if I’m explaining this well but he was that guy that would always cling to genuinely compassionate girls just trying to be nice like a LEECH, and would never fucking shut up if he did or didn’t get attention. You just can't win with this kid. Probably wanted to kill the kids that made fun of him or at the very least wanted to lash out against the confident/popular/nice kids. Only liked you if he didn’t deem you a threat, or if you didn’t make him insecure, or if you tolerated him (aka Vincent. Vincent PLEASE stop trying to reach out to dangerous ppl....I love you too much to watch this shit...) He admitted as much to Theo and the kid went livid with rage and pummeled him into the ground, though most of the rest of the student body doesn’t know quite what happened. (Theo refuses to explain to anyone, and just walks away if asked). Shakespeare will just change the subject endlessly and make passive aggressive threats until the person leaves if they try to bring it up. The only time the entire class has EVER seen Leonardo mad is when Shakespeare kept tailing this girl that wanted no part of him

Sebastian. Nerdy like Isaac, but is more of the silent observer type. Like Theo, doesn't want any part of the bullshit but won't be as blunt or outspoken about it, he's only open about it if pressed or pissed off. Doesn't have much patience for the clique-driven nature of high school and tends to take an interest in the people who stand out beyond the mind-numbing drama. Also is in the top fifty but studies like a lunatic, and can often be seen asking Comte for tips now and again. Has tried talking to Mozart and admires his talents, but Mozart gives a cold shoulder that would put Antarctica to shame. (Leonardo tries to ninja him into taking breaks but never succeeds). Has a great deal of disdain for the troublemakers (Arthur and Dazai) but doesn't intervene, just watches shit go down and sighs. Probably the most normal(?) one of the bunch, just does his best and keeps his head down

[gizkasparadise]

cdrama rec/review: go ahead

KDRAMA AND CDRAMA MASTER LIST OF REVIEWS

Series: go ahead Episodes: 40 Genres: family, healing/melodrama, slice of life, romance Spoilers in the Rec: for the first 20% ish/set-up If You Like, You’ll Like: reply 1988, le coup de foudre, find yourself (same production company/main male actor), rain or shine/just between lovers, found family stories, meet again stories

Rank: 10/10** (see Drawbacks section)

PREMISE

widower hai chao and his 6 year old daughter jian jian live happily above his noodle restaurant despite the recent, tragic death of his wife. one day, dysfunction junction a married couple (he ping, a police officer, and chen ting, a real piece of work) move into the same building with their 7 year old son, ling xiao. immediately, jian jian attaches herself to ling xiao, who is unexpectedly grim for a small child. 

because ling xiao’s family is less-than-healthily grieving the loss of their youngest child, ling xiao’s sister who died in a terrible accident. The Apartment of Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms eventually implodes, ending with chen ting abandoning her husband and son. he ping, suddenly a single father, and hai chao come to a friendly partnership that is clearly alluding to gay marriage where they co-raise both of their kids--hai chao as the primary caregiver, and he ping supporting them financially through his job as a policeman.

meanwhile, the neighborhood busybody is dead-set on getting hia chao remarried. eventually she introduces him to a divorced single mother, he mei, and her son zi qiu, who is ling xiao’s age. they sort of start to date, but it culminates in he mei skipping town and leaving zi qiu behind. hai chao, man with a heart of gold, informally adopts him and zi qiu becomes jianjian’s foster brother.

from there, the trio grow up happily and become inseparable. but once zi qiu and ling xiao graduate high school, the bullshit parade their respective childhood skeletons reappear in their lives. circumstances lead to the boys moving overseas, leaving jianjian and their fathers behind. 

they reunite after 9 years, when the boys return to a home where they hope to pick things back up from where they left off. things are more complicated than that, as jianjian finds herself in a new life and surrounded by new people. 

MAIN CHARACTERS

li jian jian

hai chao’s daughter and the only girl in the family. she attended the required short-hair-low-grades training program required of all cdrama youth female leads. super positive and outgoing, as well as the youngest of the three pseudo-siblings, jian jian grows up spoiled and over protected by her father and brothers, and as a result is completely devastated once her family falls apart. it’s so sad.

after the time skip, she’s an on-the-verge successful artist who makes woodcarvings, and exudes big art bro energy. inhales sugar like it’s nobody’s business. she inherited her father’s disease called caring too much, and it’s incurable!! 

ling xiao

the eldest brother and resident fun police. ling xiao comes from a seriously toxic home that finally seems to improve once his mother leaves. but then she comes back. fucking great. introverted to the point of being withdrawn to anyone but his chosen family, ling xiao’s had to carry a lot of emotional weight that takes a larger and larger toll on him as the series progresses. please get this boy some therapy. 

becomes a dentist because jian jian needs one. wears a lot of monochromatic outfits with low necklines because heavy angst but make it fashion. has been in love with jian jian since high school and is still carrying that torch 9 years later.

he zi qiu  

the middle child who grows up in hai chao and jian jian’s home, and is her foster brother in all but paperwork. hotheaded, zi qiu and jian jian basically share two brain cells that ling xiao routinely takes from them for safekeeping. he spoils jian jian, sneaking her snacks and junk food and wants to become a pastry chef so he can open a sweet shop for her!!

my favorite character. just wants to be wanted 8( him and hai chao’s relationship is my favorite dynamic in the series. will sob while driving a pink moped. is too proud to beg

li hai chao (left) and ling he ping (right)

the greatest (hai chao) and okayest (he ping) dads in the world! noodle dad/hai chao has never done anything wrong in his life, ever, and we know this and we love him. he ping isn’t a bad person, but demonstrates pretty classic absentee parenting/isn’t as emotionally present in his son’s life as hai chao. hai chao is the heart of the family, and would do anything for his kids 8( 

SOME SUPPORT CHARACTERS 

tang can (left) and qiu ming yue (right)

jian jian’s #GirlGang and roommates. they, like literally everyone in this drama, have some severe mom issue hang-ups. tang can (left) is a former child actress who is struggling with her lack of success as an adult and gives well-meaning but absolutely terrible advice on the regular. 

ming yue (right) is jian jian’s best friend since childhood and as an adult is trying to break free from her mother’s controlling nature--she’s also had a thing for ling xiao for the last 9 years. raises fish for symbolism purposes.

chen ting

ling xiao’s mom and certified garbage human. unable to cope with the death of her daughter that was her fault lbr, she abandons her family and disappears for ten years. she forces her way back into ling xiao’s life when he turns 18, where it’s revealed that she’s remarried and ling xiao has a younger half-sister chengzi (”little orange”). shit goes down, and soon ling xiao is forced to move back to singapore to serve as primary caregiver to both his mother who abandoned him and the half sister he barely knows. 

emotionally abusive and basically hits every single square on the toxic parent bingo card. i just. i just hate her. even typing this out is making me mad.

he mei

zi qiu’s mother. after a few dates with hai chao, she ends up ditching her kid and disappearing for unknown reasons. is a slightly better parent than chen ting but that’s like saying some poison kills you slower. the show tries to bring us around on her but it didnt work for me. 

SOME OTHERS

zhuang bei, zi qiu’s best friend growing up who i would like a lot less if he wasn’t played by the same actor who played my beloved dachuan

zheng shuran, jian jian’s first boyfriend and fellow artist who’s got a weird thing for women’s waists and pretentious artists’ statements

du juan, jian jian’s friend who co-owns their woodworking studio. has absolute trash taste in men

chengzi, ling xiao’s half-sister who can be a brat but dear god does she need to be protected/saved 

**DRAWBACKS

so this is a weird one for me. what i didn’t like i really didn’t like, but what i loved i really loved. ultimately, the factors/uniqueness of this show and the loveability of the main characters outweighed the negatives and it’s one of my favorite dramas.

THAT SAID. i got some #thoughts on this one. 

first, there are literally no positive mother figures in this show. not a damn one. they are all negligent or controlling at best or down right abusive at worst. no woman over 30 is portrayed positively and that’s a big No from me. 

the last 10 eps have some pacing issues and focus on the wrong people. spending the remaining episodes focused on one of the most universally hated characters vs. the main family was a bad move 

the show tried to redeem or make us sympathize with characters that were, to me, completely irredeemable. one case is worse than the other, but both of them were terrible people that deserved to be cut out of the main family’s lives.  

REASONS TO WATCH

the main family. the characters are so wonderful and nuanced, and their dynamics with one another were amazing. you’ll fall in love with hai chao aka noodle dad and the trio. they go through so many trials but they still stick together and it’s ultimately a healing drama and i loved it very much.

the central romance was less in focus, but the pining is enough to make jane austen emerge from the grave. i loved the leads together, and while LOL ling xiao’s attachment to jian jian was not always healthy, they supported each other and it made me smile. i love me a tortured pining dude.

#Acting. everyone played their parts to perfection. the child actors in particular were so well-cast (esp baby zi qiu)

the soundtrack lmao. you watch the opening credits and know you’ll need to buckle up

idk it’s a very unique show, and i haven’t seen one like it. reply 1988 comes close, but it doesn’t tackle the same issues and it was all just very real and earnest. 

Final Thoughts.

GOODNIGHT, GOOODBYYYYYE MY CHILDREEEEEEEN

[eponinemylove]

aftg tattoo/flower shop au

@essence-29

so it’s wymack’s parlor and he still technically runs it and everything but he’s tired most of the time and he lets kevin pretty much take over

kevin has almost no tattoos himself except one he got that he deeply regrets (in my mind it’s bc riko was his piece of shit ex boyf and pretty much made him get it, but however u want to imagine the backstory of this tattoo is up to you)

anyway he runs the shop with his dad. matt, renee, and seth all work there

andrew runs the flower shop around the corner (managed by betsy). he could not give less of a damn about the parlor tbh. he barely noticed it existed

he’s more of a piercings guy anyway but it’s not like he’s against tattoos

at least, he didn’t care about the parlor until him and renee became friends

i imagine they met at the flower shop when she came in and ordered some for allison. maybe they started seeing each other around more and more, and you know how andrew makes friends. he probably followed her to work one day and they went from there.

either way they’re besties and they work on the same block. so andrew goes in and out of the tattoo parlor fairly often to pick up renee or have lunch.

him and kevin obviously run into each other at some point, probably more often than not

at first they ignored each other’s presence but then andrew started to notice kevin

tattoo artist without (many) tattoos? interesting. he won’t talk about the tattoo he does have? very interesting. he flinched when someone dropped a glass of something and it shattered? now you have his attention

and of course kevin can’t help but notice the hot, 5-foot-nothing guy who comes in at least once a week to harass his patrons and distract his employees

both of which are definitely crimes andrew commits regularly around the parlor

andrew invites kevin out for drinks one night after they’ve been noticing each other for a while. it’s not flirtatious or romantic, but it does feel... weighted. kevin goes. renee and the others are there too, vaguely, but he still manages to end up spending most of the night alone with andrew

they talk. a lot. it’s really slow going because neither one of them particularly feels like talking, but they do. or they come to a mutual understanding at least

they have a weird relationship after that that none of kevin’s friends or andrews relatives can even pretend to understand, but you know what? whatever. they’re KevinAndAndrew

i don’t want to say they’re attached at the hip, but they totally are. anywhere kevin is, andrew follows, especially if kevin is drinking. and they’re not even nice to each other. that’s the confusing part for the others. just looking at them, you wouldn’t even think they were friends, much less maybe-kind of-dating?

so this goes on for a couple of months, and just when everyone thinks they’re getting used to it, neil comes in

literally no one was ready for him. he shows up at the tattoo parlor one day and just applies for a job. no resume, no interview. straight up walks up to the front desk and asks for a job

kevin wants to throw him on his ass but matt says the least they could do was interview the guy

(neil probably looks all kinds of a mess. not like insane or dirty, but just generally disheveled and exhausted and... neil. he looks like neil)

kevin still thinks this is a waste of time, but he lets neil show him what he’s got

no one was expecting neil, but they definitely weren’t expecting him to be so goddamn good

it’s hard to tell if he’s a natural or has actually had years of hardwork and practice, but he’s an amazing artist and he knows his way around a needle

so they hire him.

matt becomes quick friends with neil. seth and neil don’t get along, per se, but they’re almost the exact same brand of asshole so there is a sort of solidarity between them

renee obviously is nothing if not entirely pleasant to neil, but he still has issues trusting her

and kevin? well kevin kind of hates his newest hire

he complains to andrew about him nonstop. about how he’s stupidly talented and a complete bastard and gets along with people but in a chaotic sort of way that makes kevin anxious and annoyed and

kevin has a lot to say and andrew is more than inclined to listen

it’s a surprise to no one when andrew is in the parlor the next day, scoping out neil for himself

oh, and i should mention that neil has literally NO tattoos. not even one. (his mother would never allow something so easily recognizable)

neil barely notices andrew until he confronts him after his shift. i don’t know what he would say, but it would go pretty much like how their meeting went in the books, just probably without the racquet

a fight immediately breaks out that matt and kevin have to break up. renee knows better

yeah neil and andrew don’t get along

andrew is very interested though. so he does what andrew always does. he gets nosy. and personal. and mean

it takes him a surprisingly long time to find any information on neil. he thinks it might be a fake name and kevin assures him that it’s definitely likely, which helps exactly none.

eventually the only thing he manages to gather is that neil has one hell of a temper and could start a fight in an empty room. he also won’t take any shit from anyone, whether it’s from andrew or some random Karen screaming at one of his coworkers for giving her daughter a tattoo she didn’t approve of. he can and will tear someone to shreds, and as much as kevin hates it (“Neil that’s bad for business, you can’t verbally abuse the clients”), andrew is very amused

kevin secretly also really likes neil. it’s hard not to—he says everything kevin wouldn’t dream of and sees through all of kevin’s bullshit. also he’s ridiculously hot and incredibly good at his job, and there’s nothing kevin appreciates more than talent and competence

after, idk, a month? of getting nowhere to unraveling neil’s past, andrew invites him for drinks.

kevin is there of course and pre-approved the decision. matt comes along bc he doesn’t trust andrew in the slightest and he loves neil. renee is there to make sure no one actually gets murdered. seth just shows up bc he thinks something funny might happen, like another fight

not strictly relevant, but allison, dan, and nicky working at the bar/club they frequent??? a Concept.

andrew and kevin are both pretty surprised to find out that neil doesn’t drink. they try and “convince” him otherwise, but neil refuses and short of drugging him, there’s not really anything they can do

nothing really happens the first couple of hours. nicky flirts with neil a couple of times, neil doesn’t notice, the usual. things take a turn when neil spots kevin’s tattoo. other than that, the night was a bust

since this is an au, idgaf what’s in their past. reader interpretation, use ur imagination, go crazy. however, whatever kevin was involved with, neil was somehow tangled up in too. that part stays the same

he doesn’t mention it

he doesn’t mention it

he doesn’t mention it

and then, of course, he mentions it

it’s not on purpose or in anyway eloquent. they probably get into some sort of fight while closing up and it just slips out

there’s a moment of “oh shit”, the complete understanding that passes through the two of them

they don’t mention it

except they do, because andrew finds out

he and neil have a another “talk” bc yeah andrew might run the flower shop, but if neil brings trouble from kevin’s past back to him now, when he’s doing so much better, andrew can and will actually commit homicide

and that’s the start of their relationship!

well, no, not really. neil still takes a while to warm up to them, and a while longer to start feeling any sort of romantic attraction to them. and of course that’s after he realizes they’re even a couple, because trust me, with those two is always questionable whether or not they’re even friends. or acquaintances. or on speaking terms

also they have to eventually talk about everything. set boundaries, clear the air. neil gives them piece by piece looks into his past. it’s slow work, but it’s a little bit of trust given by someone who has never trusted anyone before.

yeah so anyways everyone thought KevinAndAndrew was confusing? well they don’t know what the fuck is going on with KevinAndAndrewAndNeil

what they do know is that kevin and neil do some of the best tattoos in the country. what they do know is that andrew and neil take smoke breaks together in the back alley, halfway between their two shops. what they do know is that andrew and kevin have adopted neil into their relationship and the three of them are so close-knit, it almost becomes impossible to find one away from the others at any given moment

what they do know is that at least twice a week, the short, blond, very scary flower-shop guy walks into a tattoo parlor and a 6-foot tall intimidating tattoo artist and 5’3 ginger with a sharp tongue and sharper attitude immediately stop what they’re doing and go meet him

that’s pretty much it. scary blonde who sells roses for a living falls for scary tattoo artist who doesn’t seem to believe in tattoos. both these idiots then fall for the (not at first glance) scary new guy who is obviously trouble, because this is a tatto/flower shop au, and everyone loves the broken badass with a heart of gold.

there’s something to be said here about the most intimidating and kick-ass power couple (throuple?) ever

also it’s funny bc based on appearances alone, everyone expects neil to run the flower shop, and kevin and andrew to do tattoos. boy are they in for a surprise though, because andrew knows every single flower you could ever think of sticking in a bouquet, and neil could operate a tattoo gun blindfolded

ALSO they all get matching tattoos at some point bc they’re idiots and in love and it probably has a whole crap ton of heartfelt meaning that i don’t want to explain bc i feel like i’ve rambled forever at this point and still said nothing significant

oh and neil 100% gives kevin a coverup, replacing his old tattoo with something else.

there’s all kinds of plants decorating the parlor courtesy of andrews shop, and neil and kevin design andrew’s logo

and betsy makes everyone flower crowns at some point. andrew refuses to acknowledge it i’m any way, but dutifully wears it regardless. neil wears it to work the entire day, and after hangs it in his office-thing. whatever tattoo parlors have. kevin straight up refuses to wear it but neil wears him down and he puts it on for like 20 minutes. there’s even pictures to prove it

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Forever- Utter Nonsense Drabble... 40 Questions!

Yeah so don’t ask me where this came  from, but I saw these floating around and for some reason decided it would be funny if Steve and Katie answered  some of them instead of me...

I think the original post was from @odaatlover​  and I think I was taggeed by @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​. Anyway, I took my favourite ones and this was the result...enjoy!

1. What’s one animal you wish you could have as a pet but can’t?

Katie: I’d kinda like a tiger. They’re so graceful and  pretty but pack a mean bite and you wouldn’t mess with one would you?

Steve: Who does that remind you of?

2. Favorite thing to wear to sleep?

Steve: (grinning) Nothing.

Katie : I can confirm that is also my favourite thing he sleeps in...

3. What song really gets you going?

Katie: In what way? If it’s to dance and just act like a crazy fool to then its always going to be “Back in Black” because it reminds me a lot of Tony and happy times growing up. But if its one to spark memories then its our wedding song.

Steve: “The Only One In Color” by Trapt. I also kinda like the John Legend song  “You and I” because it reminds me of her, you know, the bit aout trying on every damned out fit she ownes before we can go out.

Katie: I don’t do that.

Steve looks at Katie, eyebrow raising.

Katie: Ok, maybe I can be a little incecisive....but tha wasn’t really the point of the...you know what, never mind. Next...

4. Where do you usually eat your meals?

Steve: It depends. If its breakfast or lunch dring the week then it’s usual eaten on the go whilst we’re getting the kids sorted or I’m in between classes...but dinner, well we always try and sit down. And at weekends we always eat at the table with the kids. 

5. Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

Katie: Dinner. During the week Steve and I eat a little bit later than the kids so we have that time to ourselves just to decompress and talk about our day, have a bit of us time...and at weekend we’re al together so I love it.

Steve: I love it for all those reasons, and also because she’s the best damned cook on the planet.

6. Most embarrassing habit?

Katie: Erm...

Steve: It’s pretty embarassing when you throw a Brat tantrum about something.. Katie: I don’t do that in public.

Steve: Bullshit. I refer you to the whole car purchasing situation a few years ago.

Katie: Jamie was only a baby...I was hormonal.

Steve: Hormonal my ass, you were being a brat.

Katie:  Whatever.  Yours is definately the need to stand with your hands on your hips and give someone your Captain look, especially when it’s someone you have never met before but they just happen to be doing something to piss you off.

Steve:  I make no apologies for this.  People can be idiots.

7. Chocolate or fruity candy?

Both at same time: Chocolate.

Steve: Preferably British.  Cadbury’s to be specific. I got a taste for it when I was in London during the war.

Katie: He has a secret stash he hides from the kids...it’s great to blackmail him with.

8. Soft or hard tacos?

Steve: Soft

Katie: Hard

Steve: Although hard ones always remind me of when you went into labour with Jamie.  We were making them for lunch and you had a contraction and crushed one...

Katie: Oh yeah, maybe soft in that case...because that was painful.  And then I went throguh that another 3 times.Which is your fault.

Steve: I take full responsibility, yes. 

9. Worst way to break up a fight?

Katie: Walk into the middle of it and say “Prove it, put the hamer down...” Steve: sighs, That was one time.

Katie: And it levelled a forest.

Steve: Did it work?

Katie: Hmmm, suppose so.

Steve: There you go ...but if its a fight between us, the I can think of the best way to break it up...

Katie : grinning, yeah...that’ s pretty funny. Or the worst one is telling you you’re in the spare room.

Steve: Yeah...that sucks.

10. Best thing to say in an elevator of strangers?

Katie: Putting on deep voice “Before we get started, does anyone wanna get out?”

Steve: Sighing  I wish I had some smart reply to that bu I don’t...

Katie: No, you just threw us out the side of the damned thing from 14 storeys up

Steve: 19

Katie: That’s...that’s not better Steve.

11. Any hidden talents?

Steve: Not so much hidden really but I’m not a bad artist and Katie’s singing and piano playing is off the scale.

Katie: Steve’s really good at DIY. Like, brilliantly good.  And also pretty savvy with technology all things considered...

Steve: When you say all things considered you mean because I’m like 112

Katie: Actually, you’re like 127 if you count the 15 years you spent back in time after putting the stones back.

Steve: hesitates I thought you said they didn’t count because I didn’t spend them with you.

Katie: They don’t, but they still happened.

12. Socks or bare feet around the house?

Steve: Socks

Katie: Bare feet

Steve: Neither of those protect you from standing on lego, which for the record, I reckon has to be a pain worse than chilbirth.

Katie:  Seriously? You’re going there?

Steve: Ok, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration but it still hurts like hell.

13: Favorite board game?

Katie: Monopoly. Its funny to watch Emmy and Jamie getting really agitated and annoyed. The younger 3 don’t really get it, Rori just likes to help Steve by sorting all his money into piles and suggesting things he can spend it on.

Steve: Namely tutus and tap shoes...she still wants to be chorus girl.

14:Heat on or keep it cold with lots of layers?

Katie: Oh my God. Steve is a nightmare as he runs hotter than any of us, so whilst we want the fire or heat on he’s complaining he’s boiling hot all the time. Our bedroom is like an ice block.

Steve: Doll, I’ve been in an ice block. Trust me, our bedroom is like a furnace in comparison.

Katie: It si nice though, like sleeping with a big hot  water bottle.

15: At what age did you first have alcohol?

Katie: I’m sure Tony gave me beer when I was 15 or something but the first time I ever got drunk was aged 17. I went to a keg party at one of my friends and I was aboslutely shit faced. Tony held my hair back whilst i puked my guts upt for a good hour once I was home. I had the hangover to end all hangovers the next day and he cracked JARVIS up to maximum volume just to teach me a lesson.

Steve:  I think I was 18. Me and Buck drank a bottle of his dad’s home made hooch...yeah, it didn’t take me much to get me drunk back then and I was very, very illl. Ma thought I had a fever. Mr Barnes thought it was hilarious, but still gave us both a slap upside th head...

16. What’s the most amount of money you’ve spent on a single item of clothing?

Katie: I would say my wedding dress, but Tony bought that for me, so it would probably the the dress I wore to the  SIP Launch for The Color Of Revenge...that cost...well it was in the tens of thousands

Steve:  Blinking How much?

Katie: You don’t need to know.

17. What do you typically wear to formal events?

Steve: Whatever my gal tells me to.

Katie: And you always look great Soldier.

18. Favorite memory?

Steve: Oooh, other than when we adopted Emmy or the kids were born, I’d have to say when Katie agreed to be my wife. I’ll never forget that day as long as I live.

Katie: Me neither, not least becase I got my camero...

Steve: rolls eyes.

Katie:  Joking aside, yeah the engagement sticks in my mind but I think it was when you finally kissed me for the first time. I knew then that I was never gonna let you go.

Steve: yeah...that...ok you know what this is an impossible question after being together for so long.

19. Favorite shoes?

Katie: I have a pair of sparkly gold Jimmy Choo stilettoes that I’ve had for ages. They’re gorgeous, with ankle straps and pointed toes. I’ve had them for almost  17 years but they’re amazin.

Steve: grins. Yeah, they’re my favourite shoes too...

Katie: Pervert.

Steve: I’m not even gonna deny it. Those shoes ALWAYS stay on if I can help it.

20. Most dangerous thing you’ve ever done?

Both start to laugh hysterically.

Steve: Where do we start?

Katie: New York, Washington, Sokovia, Lagos, Leipzig, Siberia, Wakanda, Upstate and proablly a whole load of other places in between could be good places Stevie.

Steve: Yeah, this...I can’t answer this. 

21. Most embarrassing thing your parents have caught you doing?

Katie: I was 7 when my parents died but taking Tony as surrogate, I reckon him catching us in the kitchen when we were...you know, and he didn’t actually know about us has got to be up there.

Steve: Yeah, that was pretty bad... although my Ma once caught me and Bucky measuring our... looks down.

Katie: splutters What? You never told me this?

Steve: Well its not exactly somethign that crops up in conersation sweethheart? “Oh by the way, once when we were 16 me and Buck compared sizes...” Katie: Blinks. Boys are strange. So who had the biggest...

Steve: Next question...

22. Last time you had an orgasm?

Both grin.

Steve: Last night 

Katie: I can confrim this...there’s not many nights to be fair where we don’t...

23: Celebrity Crushes?

Katie: grins. Does Bucky Barnes count?

Steve: Fuck you.

24: Makeup or natural?

Katie: Normally I just wear a bit of tinted moisturiser and mascara, now I have the kids anyway. I don’t have time to really do my face in a morning. I’ll make the effort when we go out though...

Steve: You don’t need it honey.

Katie: Awww thanks baby.

Steve: Although that red lipstick you wear, the bright red..yeah...I like that... grins wickedly and winks It smears well...

Katie flushes: dirt bag

25. Favorite season?

Katie: Summer. Growing up in Malibu I like the sun and warmth.

Steve: Fall. It’s an artists dream...the colours and textures are amazing to work with

Katie: Fall is rubbish. Everything dies and it’s a bit shit.

Steve: But you make apple pie and get to snuggle in my sweaters.

Katie: literally the only 2 things good about it. 

26. Are you a competitive person?

Katie snorts and looks at Steve

Steve: I’m not even going to deny it. 

Katie: He even refuses to let the kids win a games sometimes.

Steve: Important life lessons, Doll. 

27. First pet you’ve ever owned?

Katie: My goldfish Flounder, the one that Tony replaced about 8 times. Other than that it was my Turkey Marv, he was ace.

Steve: I didn’t have any growing up so mine would be Lucky. He was a great dog. 

28. Favorite pasta dish?

Steve: Mac and Cheese, specifically Katie’s. It’s amazing.

Katie smiling: Yeah  I like Mac and Cheese, but I also enjoy carbonara.

29. Favorite kind of pizza?

Both: Pepperoni.

Steve: New York Style.

Katie: I like Deepdish every now and then.

Steve: It’s not the same...

Katie: well dur, that’s the point.

Steve: Yeah, not convinced. 

30. Lots of acquaintances or a handful of close friends?

Katie: Handful of close friends, without a doubt. They become an extension of your family, you know. All of us in the Avengers were close and when you have that bond, you’ll do anything for one another.

Steve: Agree completely. When you’re close like we all are then it makes everything that little bit easier, knowing that whatever you’re facing you’ve got each others 6.

31: Something that ruins your appetite?

Katie: Narrows eyes Whenver I see Ross on Tv. Makes me want to puke.

Steve: You really should let that go you know?

Katie: Never. I hold a grudge very well.

Steve: Don’t I know it.

32. Night out with a bunch of friends in public or night in with one friend having deep conversations?

Steve: I’ve never been one for big nights out. I enjoy the odd one now and then but, I’d much rather curl up on the sofa or round the firepit with Katie or Sam or Bucky with a beer and some decent talk.

Katie: Yeah, at one time I would have said night out hands down, but certianly since having the kids, or even since we started dating, it’s definately change my ideas a little. Some of the nicest nights we’ve had have been spent on the sofa.

Steve grins: yeah...

Katie: And not just because of that....

33. Have you ever told someone you loved them first?

Steve: I’ve only ever told one girl I loved them and she’s sat right here, and I said it first that night...

Katie: smiling Yeah, yeah you did. I wasn’t far behind though, like 3 seconds or something.

34. Have you ever had sex on the first date?

Katie: Does a one night stand count as a first date? Because if so then yes...

Steve: Same.

Katie: Lottie?

Steve: Storm?

Both look at one another,  teasingly.

Katie: Ok next question...

35. Heroes or villains?

Steve: Some people might say there’s a fine line between the two. Katie: Oh here he goes, getting all Captain Philosophical again...look, everyone knows we were suposedly the heroes Steve, and to be fair we saved the world a fair few times, we were even fighting in the shadows during the Nomad years.

Steve: I know, I know...

36. How many plates can you eat at a buffet?

Steve: You know I’ve never actually counted.

Katie: You did 20 at the last brunch we went to.

Steve: 20...that’s...impressive.

Katie: smirking Bucky did 22

Steve: sighs Of course he did...

37: Favorite dessert?

Steve: Apple pie, preferably Katie’s

Katie: Pecan pie. Hands down. 

38 Would you rather watch a TV show or a movie?

Steve: Ooh, that’s..i suppose it depends. I do like a good TV series, especially if we can curl up and binge watch once the kids are going to bed but I do have fond memories of us working through the films on my list...

Katie: smiling, yeah we had a lot of fun. Still

39. What’s your favorite compliment to give?

Steve: I love telling Katie how beautiful she is, and what a wonderful mother she is...all of which is true.

Katie: I like to remind Steve that he’s my Steve Rogers, not Captain America...because he is. And he’s the most amazing man on the planet, with or withouth that serum coursing through his veins. Which is what makes him the best dad the kids could wish for.

40. What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?

Steve: smiling,  she’s sat right next to me.

Katie: smiling , back at ya soldier.

[coffeebeannate]

thoughts on the old guard characters? (a long one I know lol)

HO BOY.

I LOVE long asks when I have the braincells! *He says, as if he ever has braincells*

ANYWAY.

I’m going to go with just the movie for now, since I’ve only read the first volume of the comics yet and there’s definitely some changes.

This post is long, so I put all my brain rambles beneath the cut.

I also cheated and only did the Guard themselves for some brevity, if you want extensions with Copley, etc. I’ll do a part two :)

Andy/ Andromache the Scythian

ANDY. ANDY. ANDY ANDYYYYYYYYYYY.

I love her. I love her SO MUCH. I regret that I never really explore her as much as I want to. Because there is just SO MUCH THERE. There is so much to work with, to explore to understand and to see. I adore her. She’s jaded, but she’s also clearly somewhat passionate in her own way. Something has kept her going this long. She loves her family. She is at her most open and honest and vulnerable with her family! 

The world gets a facade, her calm, collective glance of ‘I don’t give a fuck but I actually do give a fuck but letting you know I give a fuck makes things complicated’. But when she’s with Nicky and Joe, (and Booker), she’s laughing, she’s enjoying their company. She looks so happy and instantly relaxes and I JUST!!

I love that she’s not some 19 year old (possible ageism). I love that they let a 45 year old actress play a character who is clearly over 30 and very much badass. The whole ‘only young women or very old women in movies’ trope is so old, so overdone. (And I’m still salty about this person who said it’s bullshit to see ‘grandma Charlize beating up men twice her size’, as if Liam Nesson doesn’t do just that in his seventies BUT ANYWAY).

Andy is SO multilayered. She’s clearly struggling, and she’s angry and cynical and OH so fucking tired, but she’s still VERY LOVING. She cares about Nile, she cares about her family, she CARES. She’s allowed to be upset! She’s allowed to be ugly emotionally (as they might say it in Hollywood, ffs), she’s allowed to be angry and happy and sweet and she has agency and vulnerability and I JUST LOVE THAT.\

She can also step on me I mean what.

ANYWAY.

Nile Freeman

NILE. NILE MADAM. 

Nile is just a MARVEL. She’s sweet. She’s caring. She has ALL the heart and takes NONE of the shit!! There’s so much to her. She’s devoted (I really love that she’s religious, and that the movie doesn’t take this away from her, regardless of things that happen). I love how utterly devoted she is. I love that she’s able to retain so much of her own personal autonomy, AND that she’s both scared and confused, but also SECURE. 

Nile doesn’t know WTF is happening. First kill in the Marines, very sudden death, you have a brand new family? Oh, you also can’t see your family again? Your mother and brother? Oh and this lady with the bizarre name has effectively kidnapped you so you can’t be shipped to a lab in Germany? THE FUCK.

Kiki does such a MAGNIFICENT job too! Like the amount of emotions she conveys!! All of Nile’s confusion, anger, upset. Hurt. How throughout all this, she’s shown as street smart! Clever! ADPATABLE.

Nile  becomes something ‘new’ but retains her original personality entirely. And I LOVE that. She is young, but she isn’t babied. She’s allowed to be guided without being considered infantile. She’s allowed to be here whole self and it’s SO GOOD.

Also, you wake up in a Humvee in the desert and your first instinct is to kick the back end out and roll away? And then stab your kidnapper?? AMAZING.

I love that she’s an art nerd. I love her enthusiasm, I love her heart. I love her cleverness. I love how she can be a bit “wtf’ but also flat out doesn’t take ANYONE’S bullshit EVER.

“We’re not going to Paris” HELL MA’AM GUESS WE ARE NOT. 

Sebastien Le Livre/ Booker

(Rucka once again I ask you, was that name only for the punning? Because I love puns to but cmon)

So..Booker.

I’m..I’m not neutral, but I tend to not think about him much beyond what is necessary. I think I’d feel that my thoughts on him are ‘complicated’ so I’ll keep his section short. I WILL say that his character is VERY well written. Booker cannot be called a flat character. And maybe I’m naive, but my first time watching the movie? Yeah, totally goddamned BLINDSIDED. And I give the movie a LOT of credit for that. 

Maybe smarter people saw it coming, but I sure didn’t. So hey, kudos.

I understand him. I understand his motivations. And for a person suffering from that kind of depression, the toxic sabotaging kind, yeah. It’s well done. His motives are..his motives. I’ll probably not ever know what it feels like to outlive your children. But lots of my family members did. I get how it destroys you.

However, Booker needs help. And it’s on Booker, IMO, to get that help, outside of his family. Because he hurt them. He hurt them badly. It’s not the kind of thing you just come back from.

Consider my attitude..curious.

Joe/Yusuf Al-Kaysani

I can’t make this too long I can’t make this too long I can’t-

JOE. Is a MARVELOUS MAN. He’s soft. He’s artistic. He’s strong and sweet and his entire face lights up like the actual honest to god sun that he IS. I love how much he loves. I love how compassionate he is. I love his passion. His soft voice. His kind caring attitude.

BUT AS A FLIP SIDE.

I love how badass he is. I go slightly feral from the bullet spitting ‘very pissed off’. DARLING, NO KIDDING. I love how he’s just got this kinda hidden swag element. He is so clearly the life source of every room he enters. Show stealer. He’s the one that makes people feel comfortable immediately. With charm and boastfulness. With just such great WARMTH. Joe feels like a fireplace. You just want to curl up with him.

He cares so much about the world. His husband. His family.

THE SPEECH??

Imagine someone LOOKING AT YOU THAT WAY. No wonder Nicky is downright wavering on us. I’D FAINT.

Joe seems to love the world around him so much. And yeah, okay, he holds out with  justified anger. (I SUPPORT THIS ANGER), but he’s also clearly affectionate. He’s open with his love. Joe literally wears his heart on his sleeve. You KNOW how Joe is feeling at all times. Because Joe can’t hide it. And if you have his love and friendship, you have it forever.

Joe could do audiobooks. Joe could paint museums full of paintings. 

And those curls? Best. Incredible.

Marwan made Joe into such an incredible character I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOUR SIR I LOVE HIM.

Nicky/ Nicolò di Genova

Ahhh Joe’s other half. Man of few words, but when those words come out they cut and say so DAMNED MUCH. And what isn’t said vocally is always said with a look, a smile. MICRO EXPRESSIONS THAT SPEAK THE WORLD.

Nicky seems like such an aware character. Nicky is the type that makes very conscious decisions every single day. Be kind. Daily. This is not the type of man who does anything lightly. I feel like Nicky is a calculated sort, but with EVERYTHING. Because he KNOWS that your presence in this world makes an impact. He knows how important being self-aware is. He feels so lucky and grateful to be with Joe and his family at all times.

I LOVE HIS SNIPING. I love his outfits! I love how intense and sweet and compassionate he is. I feel like he has some little shit energy. Doing something slightly devious? Probably. Having ideas just because? Damned right! I can only imagine how much dry teasing Joe has endured over the centuries. Because Nicky is just so raw and clever. You can never be entirely sure what he’s thinking, perhaps. Joe can read him like a book, but I think anyone else might be finding themselves looking a touch harder. Just in case.

I love Luca’s accent! I love how competent Nicky is! He loves Joe just as openly too, and I adore it??

“The love of my life was the people I’ve been taught to hate” THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE! AND THAT TINY SMILE! THE SMILE OF A THOUSAND WORDS.

Quynh

Boss. I want more immediately. I NEED MORE.

Lykon

RIP we barely knew ya.

Final Thoughts:

I LOVE THESE CHARACTERS SO MUCH.

I love that we got ALL THIS.

In TWO DAMNED HOURS.

I love the thoughts the actors put forth. I love how dedicated everyone was to this movie. I love how there’s so much from what could have gone so wrong.

I LOVE THEM!!

[nuclearnerves]

Y'like creepy stories n horror films? ...Ever heard of The Tar G-Man?

I’ve got mixed feelings about the horror genre...

On one hand there’s some BRILLIANT and absolutely AMAZING stories that can be told through the lens of human fear. Also, unsettling and upsetting media used to portray certain feelings or just make really cool shit happen where you get fascinated or even wonder “why am i so upset by this?” is so so sooo good. It took a lot of my life to figure out how to parse the horror genre because I used to be pretty adverse to gore and killing for no reason (still am, kinda), so i would avoid things all together. I watched the Grudge when I was 11 and then Yoko with her missing lower jaw showed up I cried and had to sleep in my dads bed that night because I was so scared! But somewhere down the line, after I was done being obsessed with how scared I was, instead I just started thinking “wait... isn’t she a regular person who was just hurt? What if she doesn’t want to get me? What if she’s just as scared as I am?” and I started to like, picture what it would be like if I went up to her and made friends with her. I would imagine us just sitting down and drawing pictures for each other, and all the fear went away! That’s how I started REALLY loving monsters and the horror genre, is when I could really sympathize with the monsters.

Now as for horror movies, ehhh. It’s really over-washed with... bullshit. Unreal “the schizophrenic psycho was the killer” ableism, the constant stream of “it was a satan worshiping demon summoning cult” boring nonsense, it got so fucking trite and over-done that the horror genre actually just pisses me off now. It’s so fuckin stupid. Like okay bro I get it you were raised Christian and don’t understand how any other religion works. Oh God don’t even get me started on the “making you wait for 20 minutes, watching an actor slowly nervously walk down a dark hallway with a candle so that you can have a two second jump scare” idiocy. Go fuck yourself I have ADHD and you didn’t even scare me you just bored me until I fell asleep.

I’m also kinda concerned about people actively marketing horror to kids. Five Nights at Freddys, Bendy and the Ink Machine, Slenderman, and I think a lot of Trevor Hendersons artwork is being made into games for kids now too. Henderson is an incredible artist, so I’m cheering him on to make that schmoney, but still. Something about it feels odd. See a part of me is like “we should let kids do what they want so long as its not hurting anyone” and it’s not, and also I kinda like that kids can now express fears or frustrations they might have in harmless and fun ways. Actually on second thought, letting kids have their own genre of horror doesn’t sound too bad. Just don’t let them condone murder or violence and we’re fine. I mostly just don’t want big companies marketing off the fear of children. A lot of these games and stories are also kinda boring to me, they’re not really my type of fun horror. I like psychohorror and not just “ooo imma getchee” horror.

So sliding aside the shit that’s very clearly “Here’s some overdone bullhankey we’re throwing at you so you can give us money”...

SOME HORROR THAT I GENUINELY LOVE, GAMES AND MOVIES: -Jordan Peele’s “Get Out”, absolutely brilliant thriller about racism with a satisfying ending. Poignant, realistic, haunting and terrifying. I need to watch Peele’s other things, I think he’d doing the candyman soon??? VERY excited for that. I also still need to see “Us”

-Playdead’s “INSIDE”- ABSOLUTELY FUCKING SHOWSTOPPING IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE WAY. EASY TO PLAY VIDEO GAME PUZZLE PLATFORMER. HAUNTING VISUALS. DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING ABOUT THE SOUND DESIGN. Not even that scary imo just deeply unsettling and an absolute delight to play and watch. The story behind it is left vague for you to interpret but imo that’s a part of the charm! There’s a sense that you’re being hunted, but it’s not a single psycho killer, it’s a mass of guards and some kind of corporation and mermaids and all types of scary shit that’s outside your control. The ending is glorious and sad as it is beautiful.

-For a nice sheer shot of “oh god oh god oh fuck i’m going to die i’m so fucking scared someone please help” just play or watch PT. See, PT is one of those things that hits all the “what’s over done w the horror genre” but does it RIGHT. Distressingly realistic visuals. Madness from being in the same place all at one. Jumpscares done at tasteful times. Seriously upsetting visuals that make you want to throw up. It’s one of those horror games that is GENUINELY FUCKING SCARY. it leaves you “time to breathe” but gives you NO place to feel safe while breathing. You have no weapon, you’re locked in a house and you’re slowly being peeled apart bit by bit with guilt and resentment as you’re being pulled slowly down into hell as the ghost of what you did comes at you. It’s soooo good. There’s no killing unless you (the player) get killed.

...but to answer your question, no, I have not heard of the Tar G-man.

[tessatechaitea]

Justice League International #7 (1987)

Kevin Maguire not really trying looks an awful lot like John Romita Jr at his best.

Ah! It feels good to be back! Taking a crack at John Romita Jr while he's just sitting there not doing anything particularly wrong. Just going about his business pretending to be a comic book artist! I don't know what John Romita's politics are but I bet he now agrees with Donald Trump on one thing: naming your kid after you is a huge fucking mistake. Was all that previous nonsense poisonous, vile, and toxic? I suppose one could argue the point. But I'd also guess that somebody arguing that point has never seen John Romita Jr's art. Or perhaps they have seen it and like it because they have a terribly underdeveloped sense of aesthetics. Otherwise nobody would argue with me at all! They'd just read the previous poisonous, vile, toxic nonsense and nod their heads in agreement while pausing for a second to snort a line of Adderall. Fine, I'm sorry, JRJR! Obviously you're an artist! Drawing squinty people with block heads and weird noses holding geometric guns without a single curve on them absolutely falls under the definition of art! Although I draw the line at accepting that Rob Liefeld is an artist. That's a bridge too far! What the fuck does that even mean, "a bridge too far"? It must be a term bombers in WWII used, right? "What the fuck do you mean, carpet bomb Dresden?! If we fly past the Geralthauskopfplatz Bridge, we're definitely getting scrawked by anti-aircraft flak, you bingehart!" Did that sound like an authentic American bomber pilot from the 40s? It's not like Catch-22 is my favorite book or something. Wait. Catch-22 is my favorite book. I guess I'm just no good at written impressions. I assure you it sounds exactly what you'd expect from an American pilot in the Forties if you heard me do the impression live. Also, this is probably the last month of my life where I'll be able to say, "Catch-22 is my favorite book." Because I'm over 500 pages into Gravity's Rainbow and it's just as fucking amazing as everybody who has pretended to read it says it is. This issue begins with Guy Gardner regaining consciousness after having been violently assaulted by his employer.

Why was the mouse glowing green?!

In my memory, Guy Gardner's change from dickhole to sweetest guy on the team came after Batman punched his lights out. But apparently that isn't the case. It's possible this new whack on the head is the cause or maybe it's something a bit later. I bet an editorial mandate came down which said they couldn't have Guy suffer serious head trauma from Batman punching him. So they had to add this new scene where Guy basically gives himself the head trauma that results in a catastrophic change in personality. The Justice League didn't quite finish destroying The Gray Man last issue so that story gets resolved pretty quickly this issue. Doctor Fate transported him to the Realms of Order where a big blob of Order disintegrates him. Which is what he ultimately wanted. It's what we all ultimately want. It's just you don't know that you want it until you've lived long enough for all the wonder to be bled out of life. That's why he's the Gray Man! Some people think life's too short but at 49, I'm beginning to suspect that it's way too fucking long.

This comic book passes the Reverse Bechdel Test: "Any story that has only one woman in it and every scene she's in, she's treated like a sexual object."

With The Gray Man out of the way, it's time to get to the important part of the story: turning the Justice League of America into Justice League International! I wonder how many people this change pissed off in the 80s? Fucking globalist woke elite bubble bullshit! People talk in derogatory terms about the coastal bubbles but they absolutely shouldn't. I won't disagree that I grew up in a totally different environment in the San Francisco Bay Area than people who grew up in the Midwest. A bubble? Sure. But it was a fucking good thing. I was recently showing the Non-Certified Spouse some of the station breaks from local stations in the late 70s and early 80s out of San Francisco and she was amazed at the representative shorts these stations presented, especially KTVU's "Bits and Pieces." Sure, there were the ones about ethics and morality humorously presented with a horse and bulldog puppet. But there were also the ones that showed different ethnicities and their lives, often ending with "I'm proud to be a Chinese American!" or "I'm proud to be a Black American!" The one about Japanese Americans even mentioned how Japanese families were put in interment camps during World War II. One was about Italian Americans and instead of Italian history, it just showed Italian art and various activities of people in the Italian community. One of the Japanese American shorts just had a Japanese American kid having to explain how he was tired of answering questions about being Japanese in America because he was fourth generation and just American as anybody else. But I guess that kind of commie pinko hogwash is why I'm a big fat America hating socialist! As I was saying before my politics politely interrupted (my politics interrupting impolitely would look like this: Trump voters should be forced to shit in their own mouths for all eternity), the main thrust of this story is to set up Justice League International. Judging by the cover, that means hiring some guy with a bucket on his head from Russia and Captain Atom, another white American male.

Ah yes! The introduction of the best character of the series: Big Barda!

Big Barda might not be on the team but at least there's another female character. Sure, Doctor Light was sort of on the team for three pages. And pretty soon, Fire and Ice will join. But it's mostly just been poor Black Canary having to put up with Booster and Blue Beetle's jokes about banging her. Max and J'onn discuss the United Nations possibly backing the Justice League while Superman talks respectfully with President Reagan. What a mistake! The biggest do-gooder on the planet normalizing fucking Ronald Reagan! He should be scolding him with a liberal smattering of Kryptonian tsk-tsks! That's when a Kryptonian gives you a little burst of heat vision every time you deny the AIDS crisis or invoke the spectre of Welfare Queens or destroy the economy by lowering the top marginal tax rates pretending that the money saved will trickle down to everyone instead of fat corporate cats simply keeping all the extra for bonuses and investors. Fuck that guy. I'm so mad now!

Of all the digs they could have taken with Reagan, they poke fun of his dementia?! Christ, Giffen and DeMatteis.

Hal Jordan drops by headquarters to give Guy a good talking-to but Guy doesn't need it because he's suffered a traumatic head injury on top of his brain damage alongside Batman's sucker punch to the face and now he's Mister Sweetbeans. And because he's acting so nice, nobody gives a shit that this is actually a medical emergency. Backing Maxwell Lord is a computer satellite in space. Is it Brother Eye already?! Are they already working together in 1987?! Or is it just some alien gizmo from the Millennium bullshit coming up? I don't remember! Heck, this Maxwell Lord might even be a Manhunter! Anyway, the satellite begins destroying shit on Earth with a giant heat beam. The Justice League, having nearly nobody who can do anything about it, doesn't call Superman to fix the problem. Instead, they decide to spend precious hours borrowing a space shuttle from STAR Labs to launch them into space to battle the space station. Also, they leave Guy Gardner back at headquarters on monitor duty. Because who needs the guy with experience battling in space with a ring that can protect every other member of the League while in space? Also the ring is the greatest weapon in the universe. So, you know, sideline that guy, right?

It's possible this was in the era where Superman couldn't survive in space either, really. But then that's even more incentive to get fucking Guy Gardner up there with them!

The Justice League manages to stop the satellite's destruction but mostly only because it was a huge set-up so every nation could see them save the world. Everybody wants them defending the planet now so the United Nations agrees to back them with one condition: two new members, one to pacify the U.S. and one to pacify the U.S.S.R.

I've read a lot of ridiculous things in comic books but Rocket Red's power levels being nearly equal to Captain Atom's might be the most ridiculous.

I love how Captain Atom's power level is 9+ but Rocket Red's power level is 8.43 instead of 8+. I guess the accuracy of whatever system they're using breaks down over 9. Captain Marvel quits the team and Batman steps down as leader so J'onn can lead. And that's about it, I guess! The issue ends with some kind of flim-flam about how its the 80s and we've become a global world and boundaries just don't work anymore and superheroes are cool as shit. I guess it's inspirational or something. There's still just one woman on the team though. Justice League International #7 Rating: B. Seven issues in and the Justice League has defeated two villains who weren't actual threats to anybody. They were just scams to get the Justice League some press. They also beat up and killed an old guy who was just frustrated with the boredom that came with the immortality the Lords of Order forced on him. So all in all, they're nearly as terrible as the New Titans who practically only ever battled relatives while putting the residents of New York City in danger every time.

[artificialqueens]

living on the edge of the law - chapter 3 (biadore) - lily2

bianca has just know met her new demise in the form of adore delano and adore isn’t so sure she wants to fulfill any part of her contract, worried about her own creative freedom and restrictions.

— *.✧ The light seeped into the car and Adore groaned, leaning back into the shotgun of the black Jeep, not exactly feeling the greatest at the moment. “I hate this you know, I liked my last manager! And now because I switched labels I have to get a new one? Fuck off.” She moaned aloud to herself and the only person in the car, Tatianna who could only focus on the road, stopping at the red light as she fixed her lipstick staring at the car mirror before finally acknowledging her best friend, smiling a bit. “Honey, these aren’t the choices I can say I make.” She reminded gently. Adore slugged, “I know, I know!” She insisted, annoyingly rolling her eyes and biting her lip, “Why can’t I just record from home? I really have to sign a formal contract and do all this shit?” She flipped her curls around and ran a hand through her long hair, reminding herself mentally to tell whoever her new assistant that her hair needed to be restyled, the white to black ombre was pretty cool but she was feeling perhaps a new color— Taitanna always wanted to see her in pastel’s so maybe a pink would work in her favor. “Well, you were under someone else for a while, this is just a bigger and more widespread label. The good thing is that you know they can spread your music around and pay you better, you can actually become a full fledged celebrity.” Tatianna teased though that set off an absolute spark in Adore who almost spat at her own best friend, “I don’t want to be fucking famous!” She quickly calmed down seeing her friend completely wince in the surprise of her anger. “I know, I was just joking.“  “I’m sorry—” she started before pushing the hair out of her own face, “I just want to get out of Azusa, I can’t handle already having this much attention and followers and just the pressure to make music scares me, I don’t wanna sit at my desk and think I have to write something, I want it to come naturally.” She explained with nothing but passion, her dream was to write music and she dropped out of college to do so, the grades didn’t matter all that much to her and a bachelor’s in music composition didn’t exactly sound like what she had ever wanted or envisioned, to go to school and wait another four years before she could even do something with her possible career. “I love you, we’ve been close since we were younger but, that’s the price you pay when you wanna be a musician who isn’t underground and struggling to pay rent at local bars, you have to put yourself out there, you’re so damn talented stop overthinking it, if a damn thing goes wrong you better call me and I will handle it, personal assistant or not.“  Adore bit her lip laughing, a corner of her mouth lifting into a smile: "You know you can just be my manager and assistant, fuck that written bullshit, let’s just get out of here.” She joked before Taitanna rolled her eyes and cursed her out again, “Far too late for that.” The reply came as they pulled into the parking lot, Adore groaning. “I just don’t have a very great feeling about all this now that I’m really thinking about it."  They both unbuckled before Adore stepped out, covering her forehead with her hand to avoid the piercing sun right in front of her face, Taitanna grabbing all the paperwork and official records they had to send and fill out for the label, she put her hands across the hem of her skirt, dusting off the crumbs from the fast food they had destroyed earlier while traveling from Azusa.  Wearing nothing but some fishnet tights and a low lying v-neck dress covered in sparkling tassles Adore twirled around, aimlessly staring down at her screen before Taitanna muttered to her to stay off the phone for now, reminding her the immense amount of security and introductions they were about to go through.  Taitanna twirled a piece of her long and straightned black hair around her finger as they walked closer towards the entrance. She truthfully didn’t need to be there but Adore asked her to be just in case "shit goes off” as Adore so kindly and truthfully put it. Not one to refuse a gesture for her best friend she wholeheartedly accepted and graciously helped her even fill out her paperwork, Adore’s focus levels were constantly bouncing off the roofs and she needed closure and someone to help her got go completely awry in more ways than one. “Just be yourself and you’ll be amazing, they’ll see how much you’re worth.” Adore nodded sweetly and turned before swiping the card they had given for to come in and then was a bit taken back at the buzzing before the doors opened thankfully. “I’m happy you’re here.” Reflecting on the past was difficult for Adore to do but she couldn’t have gotten past all her struggles without Taitanna sometimes supportively nagging or holding her hand, she wasn’t that old, she still made mistakes, she wasn’t a child either: she had her own problems to fix and music seemed to solve most of the ones she had on the tap.  “I’m happy to be here!” Her chipper reply came before they both grabbed eachother’s hand and quickly let go once they turned the corner. —  “I dropped out of my degree, out of college.” Adore sobbed out, wiping her eyes with her paint stained and ripped tank, trying not to completely turn on every single emotion she currently felt and project it onto Taitanna who sat there in a bit of a silent wake. Blinking, she observed the clearly distraught Adore and completely blanched white. “You, you— what?"  The younger girl simply screwed up her entire face and completely broke hearing the heartbreak in Taitanna’s voice, "I’m so sorry.” Terror overlooked her face before her older friend quickly took her in her arms and hugged her, stroking her hair and sighing heavily, more worried if Adore had told her parents than her, she had thick skin but her parent’s were the worry here. “Can I ask why honey?"  "I just…” She breathed in and Taitanna handed her a tissue so she could wipe her nose, thanking her quietly. “I can’t take it anymore, this isn’t what I want Tati, I want to be a singer and do it now!” It was difficult for Tatianna to process considering how badly she had hoped and prayed for Adore to finally pick college as her next stop. Not everyone had to have a degree to be successful but Adore needed a distraction from her other hobbies especially. “I have all this creativity and ability and desire to work, to post my music and no, I have to study for exams in the theory of scales and shit like that, I knew high school was gonna be a struggle but this is twice as worse because I don’t feel like myself anymore and I can’t do this anymore.” She stopped before putting her hand on her stomach.  “Does your mom know?"  The pause in Adore’s entire face and the sniffle that came after was enough to answer the question for Tatianna who wiped her eyes and nodded, "So she doesn’t.” She whispered laughing, not disappointed in Adore, disappointed that Adore felt so damn sad and overworked in an industry and degree that she chose for godsake. “You’re only twenty, you have a lot of time, don’t force yourself into school, you can stay with me, but you have to promise me—” she snapped to signal Adore to stars right at her, “Promise me, in my eyes, that you will stay clean."  Adore apprehensively gave her promise though she knew deep down what a grey area that was for the both of them, she ignored it for now, just wanting the knowledge that someone would let her live and take care of her, already jittery from what her mother would say when she was to find out.  "Party.” She laughed, wiping her eyes as Tatianna helped her up and gave her a final hug before pulling away and bending down eye level, “Now, we’re gonna get cleaned and go get some nails done and then, then we are getting pizza. I want some to and you need the good positivity, we can talk about this in depth when you’re ready to but not now."  Groaning, Adore cried out a: "You’re an angel!” to her best friend who only winked teasingly, “I know.” They both collapsed in laugher on the couch as if they were high schoolers again and pretending to study after school for the big test that was the next day.  “I’ll be a singer one day, just wait.” She swore to herself mainly but also to Taitanna who nodded in agreement swiftly, “I don’t doubt you for one second."  — After what seemed like an hour, it was really twenty minutes at most, of a degrading and sterotypical tour of the entire studio they finally focused on Adore, though she did enjoy seeing some of the recording space it only reinforced the regrets in her head she had with signing for a major record label as opposed to independence and creative freedom.  "Now if we can take you to see your space, take some pictures and meet your assistant that would be best.” One of the managers of the labels more demanded than asked. “Party!” Adore said, excited to finally see something that had to do with yourself and wasn’t shouting her face that this was for their profit margins. Tatianna wasn’t the least bit reluctant to come along, very curious about the entire assistant situation. “So if I can be nosy, why exactly does Adore need an assistant?” Tatianna attempted to not sound nosy and offended but her body language definitely told a different story, one of the men replied quickly back to her: “Adore is of course an adult who can make her own decisions but we need someone who can manage things like her dates, events, apperances, someone who can help her in and out of the studio, it isn’t any specific reason, we do it for all our big and upcoming artists."  It was about as generic and bland of a reply as she expected but she leaned away a bit seeing Adore so curiously taking in the true extravaganza of it all, she had never seen so much marble, glass and such high ceilings in her entire life. She had completely forgot about the assistant thing but hey, if it meant one person had to handle the work she didn’t want to do and helped them pay the bills that was absolutely okay with her not like they were about to dictate the music she made and what comes and goes, atleast she hoped. Her mind begun to wonder elsewhere before the men stopped her in front of what looked like an office, she curiously glared before looking back to the men who explained that she needed to meet her assistant in personal and confined conditions, some shit about safety and oath, she didn’t quite understand but she was to go in alone, much to Tatianna’s dismay, she grabbed the paperwork and hugged her best friend and told her she would simply call whenever she needed the ride back.  They all left and she was left outside the door, she put her hand on the door handle and grinned ear to ear before ripping the door open a bit too enthusiastically, a visible drop of papers falling from the desk in front of her.  She nervously shut the door before awkwardly laughing, "Oh man, I’m so sorry.” She said before picking up the stack and meeting eyes with must’ve been her new assistant after all that talk and glitz, “Party.” She whispered, feeling a bit flustered, not exactly expecting someone so well put together and well, attractively compelling before the older woman grabbed the papers from her, shaking her head.  “I’m guessing you’re Adore Delano then?” She sat down and crossed her legs, slacking in the chair a bit as she nodded her head, Bianca almost visibly pausing and glaring at her in absolute deadbeat disappointment. “Yes, I am.” She repeated, this time aloud before coughing and handing over the paper work. “And you are?” The younger singer attempting to make some attempt at conversation since they were gonna be stuck together no matter the feelings and circumstances. “Bianca, Bianca Del Rio.” She muttered loud enough for her to hear as she sorted through the paperwork and stamped it, “Bianca! I like it a lot.” She smiled, Bianca was definitely older than her but not some ancient lady who was probably close to her deathbed and on life support like she had assumed she would be which was beyond refreshing and calmed her down a bit.  “How old are you?” She asked, unaware that was the one question you really should never ask anyone. Bianca a bit stirred up bit the inside of her cheeks and smirked, “I’m 32.” She replied with complete honesty, not exactly feeling the need to piss off her client the first damn working day. “You look great.” The wink completely set off Bianca who laughed and then frowned, the corners of her lips defensively curling into a snarl, “You’re bold for someone who came dressed straight out of the pages of a fucking roaring 20’s novel."  Adore laughed wildly, "Holy shit you have an actual personality beyond work, you are so much better than I thought you’d be. I’m 22 by the way and thank you, I was inspired by your hair” She replied referring to the curls that were layered throughout Bianca’s hair, Adore slightly tilting to shake the tassles and grinning widely, attempting to keep Bianca on the edge and she was, taking offense to that a bit she almost threw her entire stapler at the girl.  Maybe if I piss her off enough she will hate me and I can just be let go and start my own album with no label, wouldn’t that be an idea?  “Make fun of my hair all you want but atleast I can never say my hair looks like the ink in the printer suddenly went out, I can let you borrow mine if you wanna restyle it, I can just throw it in, looks better than the fucking job that’s already been done.” She spat before Adore scoffed, now it was her turn to get offended just a tiny bit. “I paid a lot for this hair stylist, he’s amazing and I’m getting my hair dyed next week!” She defensively acknowledged before Bianca folded her hands and cracked he neck a bit, “Do you only give him your money to do your hair because he’s blind and you feel chartible? Be honest with me!"  The comment shouldn’t have made Adore laugh but it did, hard. Her eyes stared a bit too far into those damn irises, she was definitely playing with some kind of fire currently but was enjoying herself in absolute honesty, opening her mouth to reply before Bianca stepped in, holding up one of her paperwork sheets.  "I hate to be that person but you have to fill out the part about your, you know, housing and address.” Quickly Adore brushed her shoulders and nervously licked her lips, “If we can do that later that would be so amazing.” Bianca was definitely curious to ask but the absolute look of terror in Adore’s eyes when she mentioned her living situation said all she needed to hear, not wanting to pry into it right now, she simply nodded and set the paper down with a hard thump. “So, I’m guessing you’re in school still or have you graduated?” The question immediately triggered Adore’s fight or flight response, cracking up. “Um—” she begun nervously looking away from her new assistant, “I dropped out when I was 20, too much stress and too much work."  "Well I hate to break it to you but that’s kind of what college is about.” Bianca hissed, she had a feeling, Adore looked like someone who would drop out of college for her own personal issues or benefit, many singers did: she wasn’t trying to villanize Adore for it but the singer immediately countered, “Fuck you! College isn’t an endgoal for everyone and people have so many personal issues to deal with, a degree shouldn’t determine whether or not I can sing or if I can have a paying job that helps me eat!"  "Honey lower your voice I can still hear, I’m not that fucking old, no need to yell like I’m a senior citizen at a nursing home.” She blurted trying to stop her from absolutely screaming her feelings, “I’m not your therapist but I understand, I wasn’t trying to shame you.” She swore quietly before Adore blinked and turned her head, trying to not throw a fit. “Sorry.” Was all that came out and the tone itself screamed bitter and aggravated. “It’s fine, you clearly have some vendetta against college and I’ll respect that if you don’t fucking comment on my hair again."  "Deal!” The smile resurfaced again and Bianca had to admit something completely fell down for her, her guard a bit lowered even though they had just known eachother for all of ten minutes, at most. She was charming in a drop-out college kid, talented singer with an interesting hair color way; she seemed extremely comfortable with herself which Bianca had to admire, she didn’t look to mind skin for sure and her posture was awful but it was brushed off with her clear intent to look as comfortable as possible.  “So Bianca, you’re gonna do all my concerts and events and basically be the good angel on my shoulder?” Is that how they explained it to her? Jesus Christ. Bianca was quick to give a shaky but stable hand motion, “Well—” she begun before turning in her chair so she could shut her laptop, “I’m responsible for basically any event, anything that happens to you."  "So like, you’re my bodyguard?"  A laugh and then she stopped realizing Adore was genuinely serious about the question. "Listen bitch I would never—” she wheezed, “I get paid to basically follow your ass and manage your apperances, concerts, all the hard stuff because apperantly they don’t trust singers to do their own thing."  "Okay so not my bodyguard but still follows me everywhere? Party.” She clapped, leaning into Bianca with a small smile forming across her lips, “You seem like a fun assistant to get, I think you’ll do great.” Bianca took her hand over Adore’s face and pushed it out of her own, “That’s sweet.” “We should talk more! What’s your number?” She asked so flattered that Bianca almost couldn’t possibly refuse, “Give me your phone.” She replied before she complied and hummed to herself, “I put it in but only for emergencies or if you need something, I’m not gonna go get your ass McDonald’s at 3AM.” She warned before Adore shrugged, “Maybe one day you will, do you live near here?"  "Well I would fucking hope so if I work here."  "I’m from Azusa, that’s why I’m asking. I’m thinking about moving though since I got this studio contract and all.” Bianca not exactly familar with California too much assumed it was a decent minutes driving from Santa Monica and nodded, “Well I can’t help you buy a house but I can tell you I live about fifteen minutes away or three hours in California driving."  The joke got a chuckle from Adore which made Bianca just a bit prideful and the tiniest bit happy. Her smile was beautiful and very bright, she must’ve had some kind of whitening done or maybe she just actually brushed her teeth everyday like a normal human being, Bianca couldn’t tell.  "I don’t know California very well, I just moved back to America from Australia—” Adore gasped, “No way! The fuck did you move back here? This state is overpriced, dry and is only good for a weekend or two. Los Angeles is greatly overrated.” “Because the pay was better and I need to get all my paperwork for America in line anyway, I was only working in Australia, I’m from New Orleans.” Adore moaned, “God, it’s so amazing over there. I haven’t been in a while but I remember being beyond happy with all the atmosphere and the fashion!” She absolutely collapsed in her chair dramatically, “You guys have a lot of really good vintage and thrift stores is all I’m saying."  "Yes I know, I lived and was born there.” Bianca smirked, “I loved Australia, my best friend is a singer and I was her assistant to needless to say I’m very underwhelmed being away from her."  "Who?” “Courtney Act, she’s really popular in Australia but maybe not too well known here, deserves to be though.” Adore completely shook her hair and slammed her fists on Bianca’s desk, leaning in heavily to her face, making the older woman completely red in her face: “The Courtney Act?"  "Well I only know one."  "She’s amazing! She was Australian Idol, she literally has like millions of followers, she followed me on Instagram and I practically pissed myself, don’t tell her that but I fucking love her, her music isn’t typically what I listen to but she’s just so pretty and seems so nice!"  Bianca stopped her and laughed, gently pushing away from Adore in her chair, "I don’t tell her but that’s very sweet, I won’t get you a damn autograph so please don’t ask me about that, I promised her I wouldn’t ask her for stupid shit like that."  Adore breathed in, "I’m sorry she’s just very talented, can’t believe you went from her to me, guess I’m worthy of such a good assistant.” Bianca wasn’t good receiving compliments or any kind of praise so she immediately was turned off. “I’m fine, I just organize your messy ass calendar, not much else, I’m not about to dictate what you write or post or sing, we’re not in a Communist state."  "I know, I know! That’s so cool, see you’re so cool, you have a very strong personality so we’ll probably clash but—” “Oh I can promise you we will."  "See exactly! But still, it’s cool that you made a best friend from it, maybe I’ll be next!” She grinned before Bianca blinked, “You’re no Courtney right now but maybe if you stop sitting in your chair like a child with a temper tantrum I’ll reconsider that."  "It’s just my posture!” The girl whined before slacking even more realizing she was exactly proving Bianca’s point further. “I know I’m not Courtney, I’m Adore Delano and our styles are very different. I’m too punk to be Courtney."  "I know, I can see your dirt stained tights.” Adore laughed at the comment and stood up, “I’m way too lazy to wash my tights, I know they smell like feet!"  "And yet you chose to come to a fucking record label dressed in dirty clothes, the youth never fails to amaze me, really.” Realizing the comment made her sound like a bitter old-lady who hadn’t had her caffeine yet Adore jumped right onto the bandwagon, “I know grandma, god!"  "So, your homework is to actually fill out your damn paperwork, I’m not gonna look at it or go deep into it but just be honest, half of this isn’t even filled out.” She gave Adore the paperwork back and she sighed, not looking too thrilled to have to re-do her papers.  “Alright. I’ll get it to you tomorrow if I stop by or I’ll just text you. Thanks!” Adore yelled before slamming the door shut, Bianca finally left at peace. Adore was definitely interesting. She felt a bit jealous knowing someone could look that good in a clearly wrinkled and not washed dress, her smile was incredible and she seemed like someone who was full of passion for singing but that’s where the turn on’s stopped: Bianca was already prepared for the whining, bitching, the irresponsibility— this was gonna be much more difficult than entitled.  She would always accept a challenge though, especially from someone who seemed her polar opposite. Her phone immediately buzzed and she knew what was coming: a new notification from Adore.  Bianca! Meet me at the bar I’m gonna link tonight, it’s a more local gig and I want you to come and hear what you’re missing ;) I’ll buy you alcohol if you can sit through it you old ass hag xx She immediately replied with a clearly bitter: I’m not that old, you’re just stupid and can’t fucking count. But sure, if you’re buying, might as well. Her first thought was to immediately scope her out on Instagram, sure enough she was the first result when searching Adore Delano, who would’ve thought and was more than impressed to see the girl had already racked up over 230K followers on Instagram alone, she was more well known than Bianca thought.  “Well this’ll be interesting…"  *.✧ Shea lowered the radio and laughed listening to Bianca rant so much, she never expected it would be so interesting the first day. "So you’re not a huge fan of Adore Delano after meeting her I’m guessing?” Bianca stammered, a bit confused, not knowing how to feel exactly. “She’s very talented, I don’t doubt her but she’s such a fucking child! It’s like she hasn’t aged in ten years and is still mentally a twelve year old.” Shea adjusted the sleeves of her jacket as she grinned, “She also doesn’t wash her damn tights so she smells like shit."  Sipping her unfinished and watered down coffee she shrugged, "Sorry about that honey.” She admitted before Bianca turned the attention to Shea, “So have you spoke to Sasha yet?” The girl almost choked on her coffee and raised her finger, Bianca laughing, “Take your time."  Anytime Sasha was even mentioned in a conversation it looked like Shea completely would melt into a puddle and just start stuttering and look away, not wanting to directly speak her feelings fo someone face to face, almost hiding about it. "Okay let me ask you a very simple question, are you scared to ask her because you think she’s straight?"  "Oh no, she’s very fluid, we go to PRIDE every year together.” Bianca almost wanted to smack Shea at the back of her head for being so damn stupid and pulling out so easy. “You are so fucking dense about your feelings it’s almost incredible, I bet Sasha is just waiting for you to ask and you’re just here sitting in your car lamenting."  Her brows furrowed and sighed once more, not wanting to keep being repeative about Sasha to Shea even though it was absolutely clear to fucking anyone that something was there, "You wait any longer and I swear to god I might steal Sasha for myself.” Shea hit her in the back and Bianca almost gagged, “Bitch you better not, I’m from Chicago I’ll beat your fucking ass if you even think about it."  "See! See how defensive you fucking are about someone, that’s love bitch! How about you have that same energy and spunk telling her how you feel.” Bianca was right and Shea knew she was, it was just the idea of being rejected and possibly ruining their friendship that worried it, absolutely nothing else: just the lingering feeling that Sasha just wanted to stay very, very good friends. “Enough about me, I’ll do what I have to one day—” Bianca was about to protest before Shea shushed her, “So where am I taking you, home or to the dealership?"  "Dealership, I have to get a car and go see Adore’s fucking gig in Los Angeles tonight.” Shea smirked hearing her talk about Adore, “You know for someone who’s been shitting on her this entire time in the car you seem a bit too interested."  "I’m her new toy now what do you expect, she asked me to come and I’m expected to, besides: not like I have anything better to do expect finally finish unpacking.” Shea visibly paused to think a few seconds, “How much younger is she?"  "I think about nine years, why?"  "Not too bad.” The reply immediately made Bianca almost stand in her seat, “Now hold on bitch—” Shea cackled, “You’re not gonna play fucking matchmaker, she’s my complete and utter opposite and also my client."  "What I’m hearing is you’re too fucking scared because she’s about to be very famous, you don’t want the attention even though you’re lonely and you’re scared to lose your job!” She yelled over a visibly flustered Bianca who was very quickly shut down. “I just met her Shea besides I’m sure she has her own shit going on with a guy, girl, whatever she’s into. I’m not gonna let her come before my work even if I did like her and I don’t so there’s absolutely nothing to worry about."  Shea accepted defeat and did a visible white flag signal, "Alright, you say that now.” Bianca quickly flipping her off and groaning in her seat, “Bitch you know it would never happen.” The mutters quiet enough for Shea to hear anyway. “Never say never, like you said, opposites do attract.” *.✧ Bianca, now with a car and gas to boot wasn’t too thrilled to be driving to Los Angeles for a damn late night gig but the alcohol and Adore was enough to convince her. If she was gonna be pushed around and have to handle her for god knows how long she might as well try and form some kind of a friendship if possible. She parked her car and breathed a sigh of relief, driving suddenly on the right side of the road was an interesting experience but she quickly readjusted, it wasn’t as if she hasn’t driven in other places before that were right sided like America but it had definitely been a hot minute.  Approaching the back entrance like Adore told her proved to not be exactly the smartest thing Bianca had ever done, she was already tired and having an employee yell at her until Adore quietly came from behind and pleaded the case that indeed that was her assistant wasn’t the most shining moment in her lifetime.“I’m sorry about that—” she laughed, impressed Bianca actually kept her word about coming. “I’m so glad you came grandma!” She smirked, wrapping an arm around Bianca until she pushed it off, “Yes, I was promised free alcohol.” Adore laughed and slid her a twenty, “Tell them Adore sent you!” She yelled over the music before dancing around in the dressing room wildly, “Come watch me on the side of the stage that’s the best place to be, you see me and the crowd and the entire atmosphere.” She completely gushed.  “When do you perform?"  "In about thirty minutes which should be enough for you to get tipsy."  Bianca laughed, truthfully: "I can do a lot in thirty minutes with twenty dollars, don’t test me.” Adore sat down and applied her mascara, “Whatever you want as long as I see your toasty ass watching me in thirty minute, go have some fun, party!"  "Alright well, stay safe and I’ll sneak a glimpse, then I’ll go home.” She teased though Adore frowned genuinely, “I’m fucking kidding, Jesus!” Bianca replied quickly before Adore kicked her out smiling.  “See ya hag!” Kissing Bianca’s hand before shutting the door and hearing visible laughter. Bianca felt her entire face go red and shook her head, “No, no, no.” She pushed away any possible thought and headed to the bar, pushing her way through. “Maybe alcohol will distract me” she whispered before knowing in the back of head it wouldn’t, But god I hope it does. 

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight: Escape from L.A.

Escape from New York is one of the greatest films of all time. A dystopian thriller for the ages, it follows the hardcore gritty misanthropic anti-hero Snake Plissken as he’s forced into infiltrating the prison island of Manhattan and rescuing the president. It’s a cult classic for the ages that gave us an amazing Kurt Russell performance for an iconic character who would go on to inspire other legends such as Hoss Delgado and Solid Snake, as well as a kickass Carpenter score and just a fantastic film all around.

But I don’t want to talk about that film. No, I want to talk about its much less famous sequel, Escape from L.A.

This movie is so strange to me. It’s a strange sequel to one of the greatest cult classics of all time, and yet hardly anyone mentions it until they’re making a list of the worst sequels of all time. Frankly I find calling this the worst anything is a bit of a stretch; this movie is actually legitimately good, in the right mindset anyway. You see, while this film does away with all the subtlety and atmosphere of the first film, and while it certainly retreads the plot almost beat for beat with very similar characters, this movie has something the original does not: pure, unadulterated 90s radness.

What makes this film great has a lot to do with just how good Kurt Russell is as Snake. He plays him with such a charming dickishness that even when Snake starts acting mildly transphobic he’s still a fun and likable character (I’ll be going more into that shortly). And if nothing else, this movie goes out of its way to establish just how fucking cool Snake is. He flies an exploding helicopter! He surfs on top of a tsunami to chase down Steve Buscemi! He does a bunch of sick basketball shots, all of them courtesy of Russell himself! Snake just oozes cool, and he just gets all the more cool with the ending (which I’ll also get into shortly).

The other big plus this movie has is the sheer levels of 90s insanity. There’s really nothing else that can possibly describe an inhumanly plastic Bruce Campbell playing the Surgeon General of Beverly Hills performing copious plastic surgery on everyone in a really unsubtle jab at celebrity culture of the 90s. Frankly, the movie’s lack of subtlety and its overwhelming 90s-ness really just pile on to how nutty the whole thing is. 

But in a way, the whole things lack of subtlety has kind of made it resonate even more in modern times. An insane fascist tuber-conservative president who builds a giant wall to keep people he finds to be deplorable out of his country? A fanatical anti-American radical with bombs hijacking a plane? This shit happens right in the movie, it’s stuff that would happen latter, and the eerie parallels you can draw between the president in this film and Donald Trump is really telling at how much of a ridiculous cheesy action movie villain the guy is, except in real life where that is far more disturbing. And then there’s the disturbing fact one woman in the movie was sent to the prison island simply for the crime... of being Muslim. This came out in 1996. It’s disturbing just how prescient it was. I kind of like that under all the cheese and silliness there actually are themes, albeit ones portrayed in a very heavy-handed and in-your-face nature, that still have value today.

Which is more than can be said for its treatment of the transgender character Hershe, and yes, that is unfortunately the way it is spelled. To the movie’s credit, it doesn’t really make her the butt of any jokes, this really isn’t anywhere near to being as bad as Ace Ventura, but there’s still something off about seeing Pam Grier with an artificially deepened voice playing a transwoman. As for Snake’s transphobic comments as mentioned before, I was slightly exaggerating; he keeps referring to her as Carjack, her nickname when she still identified as a man. On the one hand, Snake’s a bit of a dick for continuing to call her that when it clearly pisses her off… but on the other hand, “Carjack” was not only not her deadname, but she did stab Snake in the back and leave him out to dry when last they met. It really comes off more like he’s doing it out of extreme passive-aggressiveness than outright hatred of transgender individuals, which certainly fits his character. Snake is flippant to just about everyone, and the guy has next to no patience, though the fact he’s supposedly going to die in a few hours probably does not help.

Speaking of Snake’s flippant attitude, That brings us to the ending, where out of spite for being used as a pawn by just about everyone, Snake uses the satellite weapons everyone in the movie wanted to unleash an EMP that shuts off all power on Earth. It’s over-the-top, it’s silly, and it would certainly fuck over just about everybody… but it also feels like just the thing Snake would do after all the bullshit he has gotten pushed through in this film and the previous one. The guy’s already misanthropic and a loner, and he continuously gets played for a sap by everyone around him, so is it any wonder he’d give the ultimate finger to every single group that jerked him around this past night and just even the playing field for everyone? “Welcome to the human race” indeed.

I definitely don’t think this is as strong a film as the first one from an artistic standpoint, and I can definitely see why this one is not nearly as iconic… but damn, if this isn’t one fun ride! As far as 90s action films go, this one really has it all: the coolest fucking hero doing the coolest fucking things, fighting ridiculous caricatures of real-world issues, there’s EXTREME SPORTS, lampooning of celebrity culture, ridiculously unsubtle political satire, poorly done LGBT+ characters, and White Zombie is on the soundtrack. Frankly there’s not much more you can ask for. I don’t think this movie is mindless, stupid, or “so bad it’s good,” let me make that clear; I think this is a genuinely good, fun film, albeit coated in a fine layer of cheese. There are some iffy, dare I say even PROBLEMATIC elements to it, but I think there is value in some of the stuff the film says, and Snake is cool no matter what.

If you like cheesy action films or just really love Kurt Russell, you’ll probably get a kick out of this, but generally I think anyone should check this out, because if you can’t crack a smile while seeing Kurt Russell on a surfboard in front of a shitty greenscreen surfing on a tsunami to chase down Steve Buscemi in a car, I don’t know if you’re the kind of person I want to talk to. This movie is just pure, unadulterated 90s silliness and cool all rolled up into one ridiculous package, and even if it could never hope to live up to the legacy of its predecessor, I think it leaves a pretty worthwhile legacy all its own. This is a film that deserves more respect, there is no doubt in my mind about it.

[thecorteztwins]

Fabian Cortez: A Masterlist of Marvel’s Worst Man or Mutant

@sammysdewysensitiveeyes  Heya! Sorry this took a bit. I have a LOT of Fabian comics to go through. I want to rec the ones really worth reading in terms of content, whether quantity (a lot of him) or quality (he’s important, scummy, or funny in some way) I also wanted to describe what the actual content inside them is, so you can decide for yourself if it’s up your alley or not for what you’re looking for. So under the cut I’m going to list you every piece of Fabian Cortez content worth having! Complete with pictures! Try not to drool, ladies! 

I’ll start with his 616 issues. X-Men (second series) #1: Fabian arrives! First thing he does is use the fact that his sister was nigh-fatally shot defending him to MANIPULATE MAGNETO WITH HER APPARENT DEATH while conveniently not mentioning he can heal her and she’ll be fine. Also introduces the term “flatscan” hooray! X-Men (second series) #2: Magneto shows up to save the Acolytes from the bullshit they got themselves into. Scolds Fabian on the way home after. Quality bits include that when Magneto arrives to collect his stupid followers, Fabian grins RIGHT AT THE GODDAMN CAMERA like he fucking KNOWS. Also, THIS HAPPENS

FUCKING FABIAN I SWEAR TO GOD HE’S SO GROSS also this is when she calls him Magneto’s “pet boy” which I am never ever letting go of X-Men (second series) #3: Fabian betrays Magneto and the other Acolytes, leaving them to die! So what’s the humorous content? Well, they’re spying on a napping Xavier, and Fabian is all “What are you doing, old man?” pondering-like, and Magneto goes “Sleeping?” and idk I find that fucking hilarious. Magneto and Fabian hold hands while Fabian tells him “Let me take you to your quarters” RAWR

X-Factor #92: Fabian’s first interaction with Pietro! He’s pulled together this massive fucking Acolytes attack on a government facility, exposed their secret Sentinel project to X-Factor, put an alien parasite in Val Cooper (which she vomits up in this issue) to control her...ALL TO TALK TO PIETRO!!! Yeah. Also he makes a girl kneel between her knees and creepy-touches her hair, then PULLS it while snarling about how Pietro will be his. So. Yeah. The Uncanny X-Men #300: This happens

Moira also whispers to Neophyte (a teenage boy Acolyte) about how she’s seen how he looks at Fabian when no one is watching. She actually is referring to how she can tell Neo knows Fabian is lying about everything, but still. Neo also quotes some shit about how “Lord Cortez was with our savior a the moment of his death. Magnus has entrusted him” that you just fucking KNOW Fabian is the one who said this you KNOW he’s been preaching this shit to his new Acolytes. Meanwhile, the Gamesmaster TROLLS THE HELL OUT OF FABIAN by letting him talk about how “lol yeah I totes killed Magneto” when Gamesmaster knew that Neo was listening. When Fabian calls Gamesmaster out on this “You set me up!”), Gamesmaster is like “lol yup trololol” and his reason is honestly just that it was funny (”Anything to keep the game interesting”) Fabian tries to run away during a fight because of course he does. THEN WE GET THE FAMOUS NAKED TANTRUM!!!

BECAUSE THIS WAS NECESSARY Fun fact, the naked tantrum epilogue is done by a different artist than the rest of the issue. The person who did most of the issue draws the men with heavy black body hair. The person who did the naked epilogue does not. So Fabian goes from having very hairy arms to totally smooth, suggesting he just got a full-body wax during the time between the tantrum and the main story. So there’s that. Also he breaks a window during said tantrum because THAT’S such a smart idea; nothing like glass shards in your urethra! Also jumps on a man (still naked) while he screams about being royalty. God, I love him. The Uncanny X-Men #304: Opens with the Acolytes dogpiling on Fabian because Exodus has revealed he’s full of shit and the one who killed Magneto. He is STILL trying to give them orders---specifically, the female ones! Oh, Fabian! Exodus, rather than killing him, teleports him away, claiming that Magneto doesn’t want him executed but to suffer slowly “a victim of someone else’s legacy” This was probably meant to foreshadow that Fabian had the Legacy virus, since that plot was just starting at this time, but that never happened so it just comes off like Magneto, being an egomaniac himself, knew that just fading into obscurity would be the perfect punishment for someone like Fabs. Avengers #368 (Bloodties Part I of V): Starts with Fabian holding little Luna above the flames of Genosha and monologuing to her. SHE’S A BABY, FABIAN. SHE CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU. WHY DO YOU LOVE YOUR OWN VOICE SO MUCH. It is kinda cute (if you ignore the whole “city on fire” thing) that she’s wrapped up in his cloak and appears to be smiling and snuggling him while he rambles. Maybe she thinks he’s telling her a story, idk. All I know is Luna is the only person in this whole damn series who has ever liked Fabian at all and that’s because she’s a literal toddler (infant?) who doesn’t know what’s going on. Issue also ends with Fabian and Luna. He and his forces have murdered the entire government of Genosha and now he’s proclaimed himself the new Chief in State of the nation. He addresses the people from a broadcast inside the state citadel, with a worried-looking Luna on his knee, surrounded by the corpses of the former government. I personally don’t think he looks good on TV. Not good for humorous content, but is worth it if you also want to see him actually seeming scary; it’s gonna be the last time he does it. X-Men (second series) #26: Fabian holds a very confused baby Luna as he gives a big dumb ranty speech to the Genoshans. Also shows up to flash thigh at Pietro like this:

Avengers #369 (Bloodties Part V of V): Exodus takes baby Luna from Fabian and kills him effortlessly. Nothing funny here, but if you enjoy the idea of him dying in a sewer, it may be for you! The Uncanny X-Men #307 (Bloodties Part IV of V): Pietro, Jean, Crystal, and Wanda search the Genoshan sewers for Fabian and Luna. There’s a lot of very unintentional humor here. Pietro mistakes HIS OWN WIFE for Fabian in the dark after HEARING HER VOICE, Fabian compliments Pietro on HOW WELL HE SCREAMS FABIAN’S NAME, Fabian teling Wanda and Pietro not to fight over him, Fabian ranting about how his life is in danger AS IF HE EXPECTS ANY OF THEM TO CARE LOL. Also at this point Fabs is having a nervous breakdown in sheer pants-pissing fear of Exodus, so he is REALLY rough-looking. Very unkempt, very unclean, raggedy cape, and the only time we see his hair out of the ponytail. Don’t know if you’re into the whole “grungy crazy-eyes” look but if you are, this is the issue for you! The 1996-1997 Magneto miniseries is full of hilarious Fabian goodness! It also does not actually have Magneto in it. It has Joseph, Magneto’s younger clone, believed by everyone at the time to be a de-aged Magneto with amnesia. It’s four issues and THE ART IS HORRIBLE and they forget Fabian’s ponytail through the whole thing except one issue...but the Fabian fuckery is AMAZING! It’s where he lies to a bird, it’s where he returns from the death no explanation and comes in LEVITATING AND SPARKLING with also no explanation how he’s doing that, where he tells a woman that snow reminds him of himself because he’s SO PURE and then tries to put her in his would-be harem two issues later and SHE BEATS HIM UNCONSCIOUS AND NO ONE QUESTIONS HER WHEN THEY WALK IN ON IT, where they lock him up and he escapes by somehow making A BIG FUCKING HOLE IN THE WALL WHAT THE FUCK and Joseph is just like “eh he’ll die out there” and apparently that’s just fine with everyone (LOOOL), where three Acolytes fight over who gets to kill him....honestly it just goes on and on, it’s great. A+ Fabian material, you must read! Fabian also tries to tutor Joseph on how to be Magneto and all I can think of is the bit in “Anastasia” where Vlad and Dmitri teach Anya about being a princess. Also he tricks “Magneto” into kissing a woman and it makes Exodus cry. So there’s that too. Quicksilver #1: IN JUST  ONE SINGLE ISSUE Fabian manages to get a MASSIVE AQUARIUM comically dumped on him because he didn't listen to a woman, literally RAINS on poor Bova and Luna who have NO IDEA why a random wet fuckboy is falling on them from the ceiling screaming, SHOOTS A HORSE FURRY ON ACCIDENT, and then gets scolded like the idiot he is by Exodus. I’m just...in awe. Quicksilver #4-6: MAXIMUS AND FABIAN TEAM UP!! Heroes for Hire & Quicksilver Annual 1998: Pietro is finally ready to lead the Acolytes like Fabian was always pressuring him to!...and Fabian goes “lol nope” when Pietro is like hey go fight this dangerous battle. FABIAN. Exodus and Pietro both think he’s a coward lol. Fabs just takes anyone with him who will go and tries to split XD Magneto Rex #1: Magneto tracks down Fabian to make him serve him again. Involves Fabian saying “I guess I don’t have any choice” while kneeling in front of Magneto and a closeup of Magneto’s hand on his head. So yes. And Magneto even brought along a NEW ponytail douche with him, Pipeline, just to show Fabian he’s not special. X-men (second series) #96: A shirtless Magneto sits up in bed after having a dream about Xavier and yells “Fabian Cortez! Attend me!” Fabian comes running into his room. Also Magneto punches him in the face. Uncanny X-Men #379: At this point everyone knows Fabian is a big fat traitor so he doesn’t even try to hide it, he just openly talks treason to the other Acolytes. Magneto catches him and tosses him into a pillar, he ain’t even surprised. Magneto Dark Seduction #1: Pietro walks in on Fabian sitting in Magneto’s chair when no one is around and yells at him. Magneto Dark Seduction #2: He’s in it but not worth noting. If you want to read the Dark Seduction series as a whole though, you probably should read this just for context’s sake. He does send a goddamn email as “Trojan Horse” though. Seriously. Trojan Horse. FABIAN ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Magneto Dark Seduction #3: Just a couple panels, but Fabian getting a fuck ton of guns pointed at him while he plays innocent!

Magneto: Dark Seduction #4: Fabian stares at a woman’s ass while negotiating with her for his release. He never notices the floating head of Sinister behind him because of said staring. He complains about the means of escape she gives him not being good enough, and then is killed by Magneto. So the last two things he does in his life is stare at a woman’s butt and be an entitled brat. HE DIED AS HE LIVED! X-Men ‘92 is indeed great! The thing to remember is, there are TWO X-Men ‘92 series. The first series is part of the 2015 Secret Wars and is four issues. The next series, which spanned 10 issues from 2016 to 2017, is not. The one with Fabian content is the second one. However, he is NOT in every issue, and not every issue he’s in will have Quality Fabness. X-Men ‘92 #2: His first appearance in these pages, in which he immediately shows us YUP, IT’S HIM by proclaiming himself THE SUPREME MUTANT:

X-Men ‘92 #6: Features Fabian undercover as a roadie in Lila Cheney’s band. This is where he fools all the X-Men here as security by him just wearing a goddamn baseball cap. Also features THIS FUCKING FACE:

X-Men ‘92 #7: The first page doesn’t have Fabian, but it does have someone talking about him! He’s one of The Toadies, the band that Lila was playing with, and a real-life grunge band that got to cameo in these issues! He refers to Fabian as “that weird roadie with the ponytail” which is priceless enough, but also says that the band “chased him to the parking lot but lost him” That’s right, Fabian was CHASED THROUGH A CONCERT PARKING LOT BY A GRUNGE BAND! And it was off-screen! This is both FANTASTIC because it happened and a HUGE LOSS that we didn’t get to see it. Later in the issue, Fabian himself does show up being HIMSELF and we get this:

Because we needed that angle of him, I guess. Thanks artists. And then we get him...being himself. X-Men ‘92 #9: It only has one Fabian panel but OH MY GOD WHAT A PANEL

X-Men ‘92 #10: Includes these wonderful moments/faces!

That time Fabian Cortez just kind of randomly photobomber the Summers-Grey-Xavier family photo Seriously, Charles is basically Scott’s father, and to a degree Jean’s as well, Cassandra Nova is his twin sister, and Cable is the son of Scott and Jean’s clone and then there’s Fabian who has no connection to any of these people who isn’t even on the same SIDE yet has just RUN IN THERE AND INTO THE FUCKING CENTER NO LESS FABIAN

Now let’s go one more, X-Men Forever! I don’t consider it great Fabian content, there’s really no comedy beyond how much Claremont clearly hates this guy, but given his presence in it, I’ll list his appearances and let you decide if it’s something you’d want to have a look at. Like X-Men ‘92, X-Men Forever takes place in an alternate timeline. It branches off right after X-Men #3, when Fabian murdered Magneto. Also like X-Men ‘92, it’s the second series to be called this. The first one is by Fabian Niceiza and there is no Cortez content. The one you want is the X-men Forever written by Chris Claremont and his beautiful, beautiful hate-on for Fabian. X-Men Forever #1: Fabian fights the X-Men. Not anything really noteworthy as funny or scummy or specifically “Fabian” here. Some of them debate killing him once they knock him out, as the X-Men all kinda become especially “fuck this guy” in X-Men Forever towards Fabian even though he’s done MUCH less shit in this universe. Why? Claremont hates him, that’s why. But yeah probably not worth it if you’re looking for a “Fabian being Fabian” fix.  Is worth it is you always wanted his flat ass in khakis though!

Also the Phoenix knocks him on his ass when he manhandles Jean

And he does what he does best!

X-Men Forever #5: A shackled Fabian is dumped into the middle of nowhere into the hands of a mysterious group. Just one page, nothing funny or shitty here, not worth it for what you’re looking for I don’t think. X- Men Forever #19:  We get to see what happened to Fabian! He’s in the clutches of the Consortium, an anti-mutant organization, and he’s a tortured emaciated wreck. I don’t even like seeing him like this, man. I love him getting what he deserves but oh man this is rough. There is one kinda funny bit where, when they discover him, he asks if they came to mock him. I think this is funny just because it speaks to his egocentric mindset even in this state; yes, Fabian, they busted into a super dangerous top-secret facility just to make fun of YOU! X-Men Forever #20: . He can’t even stand up, he has to be carried out of there. He gets shot during his own rescue, but lives (for a bit) through it, long enough to give the X-Men some info about who’s behind this operation. This is not funny Fabian content at all, so you might not want it. X-Men Forever #21: Fabian passed away during the night after his rescue. Claremont is sure to state in the yellow boxes that “Nobody misses him. Nobody mourns.” We do get to see his dead body and Jean does a sort of psychic autopsy in which she extracts further info from his deceased brain. Again, this isn’t funny Fabian content, it’s not even really Fabian content at all, would not recommend. We come back to the fun with “X-Men: The Animated Series” from the 1990s! Fabian appears in “Sanctuary: Part !”, “Sanctuary:Part II”, and “The Fifth Horseman.” All of them are pretty great! And gave us MY FAVORITE SCREENSHOTS OF ALL FLIPPIN’ TIME! xD THE HOLOGRAM HAREM!

[wayhaughterthanyou]

OF COURSE I’M BACK. WHO WOULD I BE IF NOT LIVING IN YOUR BLOG WAITING FOR A CHANCE TO SPAM YOUR ASKS? 1-100

You are very much welcome to spam my asks any time you’d like

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? Enough for my cereal to be moist but not enough for it to be swimming…also I hate milk and usually have coconut or a lactate free milk

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? Honestly my favorite shit

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? I used to get in trouble for reading a lot as a kid so I often used a ton of obscure things but I think my favorites were a shoelace and another book

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? I depends on the kind of tea tbh but usually if it’s anything but black tea I’ll drink it plain. As for coffee I hate brewed coffee but I love espresso and I’ll drink that with anything but my favorite is probably an undertow

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? YES! I broke my two front teeth in middle school (long story) and I’ve just been bleh about it since

6: do you keep plants? I don’t but that sounds cute and now I’m sad that I don’t. Daddy needs a lil cactus or something

7: do you name your plants? I shall name my cactus Princess Rosalina Maria Fiore Montoya

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Writing and film

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? Baby the only way to spread christmas cheer is singing loudly for ALL to hear

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? I used to sleep curled in a ball on my side but I have a back injury rn and can only sleep on my back and its terrible and I hate it

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? Lisa.

12: what’s your favorite planet? Earth. The ocean literally makes me want to cry thinking about it

13: what’s something that made you smile today? Waking up and seeing this ask

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Like interior design? Oh wow, like a mix of modern and rustic? My brother and I are classy boys; we like to feel like we’re living in a spaceship and a cabin simultaneously

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! GOOGLE?? THAT WEBSITE FOR PLEBS WHO DONT KNOW SPACE FACTS?? The moon landing was faked.

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? Pene al Vodka

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? Right now I kinda just want to bleach it but I’m not sure if I should do it before pride or after.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. Umm there is a picture of me…called Jaba the Hyuck..and um.. yeah

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I don’t and I actually never have, however I have always written by hand so I used to always carry around a book.

20: what’s your favorite eye color? Trick question I have literally never seen an eyeball that I have not fallen in love with sooo

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. My messenger bag, which has had both sides of the straps resewn, has been peed on by a resentful cat, and lugged around 30 pounds of bullshit my senior year

22: are you a morning person? I have to be! I wake up at 4:30 on weekdays for my job

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? Play video games

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? Yes which is weird saying that out loud

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? An abandoned preschool

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? Vans high tops

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? Okay so I hate actually chewing gum for a prolonged period of time anymore but I love the watermelon 5 gum

28: sunrise or sunset? Watching the sunset with someone and then staying up to watch the sunrise

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? @a-maelstrom​ thinks she’s tough but it just makes me want to pinch her cheeks ;)

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? I live with 2 demons I’m scared every day of my life

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I used to hate socks but after losing 100 lbs really fast and having absolutely no more blubber to keep you warm you learn that socks are nice and are just here to keep you cozy. But I’ll only wear black ankle socks

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. We we’re playing Mario Party on my friends wii and we decided we were going to play until disney started airing the old shows like Kim Possible and shit, but then the batteries died. BUT there was a 711 around the corner that we could all walk to BUT we lived in a really jacked up town. Long story short we saw 3 drug deals on the way and when we got back I won the game and my friend rage quit and turned the system off before I had a proper chance to bask in my glory

33: what’s your fave pastry? I love Italian cookies

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? Okay I had two, they were both life sized black labs, one a puppy and the other an adult, and they were called Big Blacky and Little Blacky cause I’m creative as fuck I still have them in a bag in the attic somewhere

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? I only use on type of pen. Pilot Pen G.2 7.0mm

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? 99% of the time I’ll have an album that takes over my entire soul (because I used a technique with writing long works that involves music) and right now thats One Fell Swoop by The Spill Canvas

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? I like it clean however my brother and I use it as a rec room right now so it’s like… a mess

38: tell us about your pet peeves! CHEWING. I don’t care if you resort to swallowing things whole around me I don’t want to hear you chew

39: what color do you wear the most? Black or blue

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? I have a necklace that hasn’t left my neck since I was 15. It means everything

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? To Kill a Mockingbird is my favorite book, but the most recent one I’ve read and loved is called The Ables by Jeremy Scott

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! I don’t! I wish I had a cute one that I went to

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? I don’t think anyone’s actually amused me enough to look at the stars with me so I’m gonna say my dog cause I used to find constellations at night and he’d join me in the backyard and lay with me

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? I don’t lmao

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? I always do, which sometimes gets me into trouble but fuck it ya know

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. What do you call a lobster with a boob job at a dirty bus stop? A busty crustacean at a crusty bus station

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? Spagettios

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? Spiders. Hell yes motherfucker

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? I do only because my brothers car only plays CD’s I have no idea what the last one I bought was though

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? I collect currency from other countries, but only the ones that I find in the US. Like going to a country and bringing back the currency is cheating, I have to find it here

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? The first person that came to mind is my brother and the song is Fear of Flying by A Rocket to the Moon

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? Oh wow I don’t know man

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? I have watched all of them. Beetlejuice and Pulp Fiction are amazing and I love them, but RHPS and Heathers (especially the musical) very much impacted my life and my art

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? My dad when I told him he has white privilege

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? Oh god I’m such a dramatic bitch I’ll do anything to prove a point

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? Honesty, compassion and the ability to see past one’s own beliefs to at least try to understand someone else’s

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? I don’t there’s been a time I’ve listened to that song without getting the chills and acting it out like a madman

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? My friend Adam is the wine aunt, my brother is the vodka aunt, and you can call me daddy

59: what’s your favorite myth? TSM Myth

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? Very rarely

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?  A condom.. on both sides..cause we’re so funnny

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? I don’t have a “regular schedule” where I “consume nutrients” but I love apple juice

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? Yes they’re me babes

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? It’s a beautiful blue and the sky writers are practicing for the air show coming up this summer

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? Yeah quite a few, but I might be seeing one at Pride

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? Cute and classy

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? Like the outside matches the inside

68: what’s winter like where you live? Sometimes we have blizzards and sometimes is 70 on christmas

69: what are your favorite board games? Monopoly and chess neither of which anyone will ever play with me

70: have you ever used a ouija board? Baby doll how do you think I got these demons

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? The twitter kind

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? I’m the type of person who knows I’ll forget but doesn’t write it down anyway

73: what are some of your worst habits? I crack everything

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. A lil honey bee

75: tell us about your pets! I HAVE 6! A big ol mutt named Roscoe and he’s my boy and i taught him everything he knows (hes good at turning tricks) a whippet and jack-Russel mix named Sandy and shes a lil dummy, then a tux cat named Domino thats scared of everyone, a fat orange cat named Max who got lazy and took a nap on a scale one day (hes 17lbs), my baby boy Bandit, he has mainecoon in him and he has an extra thumb and is my world, and I have a turtle named Peewee who we call Pubes

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? Editing

77: pink or yellow lemonade? PINK

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? I liked them in despicable me but it gets old seeing them everywhere

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? My cat loves me and thats all i can ask for

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? Beige, nope my landlord

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. ROUND ORBS, SQUARE HOUSE

82: are/were you good in school? I hated it because I was smarter than everyone so everyone hated me

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? The art from Nothing personal by All Time Low, the deluxe edtion, but more specifically the art printed directly on the CD

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? I have so many planned but I’m getting a farnsworth from Warehouse 13 that says “endless wonder”

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? I read the Rick and Morty ones and I was big on batman in

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? They’re absoutely everything to me. Sgt. Peppers, Pet Sounds, Pretty Odd, One Fell Swoop, Broken Bride..ugh my shit

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Jaws, Wizard of Oz, a lot more that I can’t think of

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? I don’t like moving thanks

89: are you close to your parents? Nope

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Seattle!

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? Hopefully moving away

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? I’m gross and I have barely any

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? HAt

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? My friend pat

95: what are your plans for this weekend? I’m about to eat a taco and smoke pot and I’ve got nothing after that

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? The time when my computer crashed after 80 questions was because it auto started an update because it wouldn’t allow me to put it off anymore

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? INFP, Libra, and Ravenclaw

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? A couple of months ago when my town threw a concert in the part for Zebra, it was fun cause we smoked in the woods

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Oh, Calamity- All Time Low, Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea- Missio, This is for Keeps- The Spill Canvas

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? Future. fuck old me that bitch is dumb i don’t wanna see him

THANK YOU FOR RETURNING TO MEEEEE! My ask is always open and I’m always SO VERY LONELY!

[queensofrap]

PAPER MAGAZINE : Beautiful People ~ Cardi B is Still Real

Known for her candid social media presence and outspoken, magnetic demeanor, Bronx-born rapper Cardi B rose to stratospheric heights this year on the wave of her summer anthem "Bodak Yellow." Despite her whirlwind success, Cardi has kept it real, speaking out about police brutality, honoring Colin Kaepernick at the VMAs and continuing to share her life and feelings unapologetically with her fans. From stripper to BET-nominated artist, this "regular, degular schmegular" girl from the Bronx reminds us that being beautiful also means staying true to yourself.

What makes you feel the most beautiful and when do you feel the most beautiful?

Somebody asked me before, when do I feel the most beautiful, and I told them, "I feel beautiful when men think that I look beautiful," and everybody was upset because they told me that I shouldn't let men make me feel like I'm beautiful. But do you guys want me to lie to you? When a man tells me that I look good and appealing, that's when I feel great. I don't miss dancing but I do miss the fact that when I was performing, I had the richest of the richest men, drug dealers, scammers, doctors, lawyers, oozing for me. They wanted to give me money because I looked good. That's how I know I'm freaking beautiful, because people are paying me because I'm beautiful.

Do you feel beautiful when you're performing now?

It's a different feeling. Me knowing that I could get anybody I want because of the way I look makes me feel beautiful. A lot of people on social media try to make me feel like I'm ugly, they're always talking about my nose. A lot of people say that I have an amazing body, but my face is not all that and it's like, how is that true? I could get anybody I want and if I was ugly I wouldn't be able to

Being famous people try to tear you down. A lot of people tell me that I'm ugly every single day on social media and it puts my self-esteem down sometimes because I am a woman and it hurts our feelings when people call us ugly, but then I remember that everybody I've ever wanted I got. Men used to give me money because of my looks; if I was ugly no one would spend a dollar on me in the strip club.

What about inner beauty?

I know that I have inner beauty; it's what attracts people. I know I have inner beauty. I know sometimes I can be a bit ugly.

What does success mean to you?

I don't even know what success means anymore because I feel like I'm not successful enough. Every single time that I set a goal and I accomplish the goal, I feel like it's not good enough. I'm only telling you the truth. At first I wanted to make a certain amount of money, then I made that amount of money, and that wasn't enough. Then I always wanted to be a respected artist; now I'm getting respected but I still want more. Maybe you're just never fully satisfied.

So maybe it's about reaching and grinding and trying to achieve something.

Yeah, reaching and grinding, reaching and grinding.

You've had a crazy year. Has there been one best moment, where you were like, "This is it?"

The best moment for me is everything that I've ever talked about, everything that I've ever wanted becoming a reality. It was very frustrating because I kept telling people, I kept telling my managers, I kept telling my friends, "I feel like I'm doing this music thing and I'm not getting to where I wanted to be. It's been a year, it's been eight months, and I already put out two mix tapes. What it is?" My managers always have a lot of hope; they're always positive. I feel like I was getting them so negative to the point that we were looking for other plans. So for me to know that I hit success is when I started having hope again and they started having hope again.

Now it's really happening and I'm really here. I'm getting everything I wanted, the money and the respect. At first I always wanted the money but then it was like nah, I want the respect from these artists and everybody. I want people to take me seriously as an artist and a musician. I'm tired of getting denied for features, I'm tired of it. And now it's happening. It's the best feeling ever when I meet an artist and they're like, "Hey Cardi B, I love you, when are we getting in the studio?" That's the best feeling. I'm happy they're not seeing me as a funny person or a sex symbol, they're seeing me as an artist, as one of them.

Do you feel like you've become less negative as your music career has taken off?

Nope. I'm always negative.

Why is that?

It's just the way I am, I guess. I feel like there's always a catch or something. "Things are too good, what's going on?" Maybe it's something that I need to stop doing, but I always like to prepare myself for the worse.

In this past year has there ever been a moment when you felt like giving up?

Yes.

What happened? How did you get through it?

The reason why I didn't give up is because first things first, I have a whole team so if I lose they lose. Then, my fans, Bardi Gang, they were just constantly harassing me for new music. It's just like I cannot give up because they really love my music, and I can't stop what I'm doing because I already started it. Everybody else who's not an artist, they don't understand how frustrating and annoying it is. The process and how low you feel. You make songs and stay hours in the studio, you're just not getting the results you want until you meet other artists.

The other artists tell you how long it took you to get where they want to be or how hard the process to be where you want is. And it kind of sounds similar to what you're experiencing. It's like, if these motherfuckers went through it and the same motherfuckers are number one maybe I need to be patient too. Patience and dedication so you can have celebration.

Was there someone in particular that gave you advice or inspired you?

Yeah, my man.

Do you think there will ever come a time where you're less open about your life, and share less with your fans on social media?

Actually, I'm not as open as people think I am. Little by little I'm becoming less open. It makes me sad, that I can't say what I really want to say or express myself how I used to.

Nowadays you can't even have a voice if you're an artist. You have to really watch what you say or you're a phobic, or you're a racist, or you're a colorist, or your opinion is too strong. You have to be scared that you'll lose fans, or people are attacking you, or you get canceled. I really hate it because I cannot be as real as I want to be because people are so sensitive and I guess that's the price you pay when you want to be a good artist. But there's going to be that one day where I explode again as an artist, and I'm going to give you 2013 Cardi B. Imma let motherfuckers know. I've been quiet a little bit, but I'm about to start getting back to my old ways. I'm just annoyed that I have to keep my mouth shut. I'm annoyed. Dead ass.

Now I know why these artists be doing drugs. I don't do drugs, but now I know. When I was younger I used to see these artists, these actors, commit suicide, overdose on drugs, being depressed and wanting to kill themselves. I would be like, "Why do you want to kill yourself? You're rich and you're famous, I'm broke and I don't even want to die like that." I know why now because you have to be a puppet and do things you don't want to do. I see people that say things out their mouth and then they have to apologize for it. Why do you have to apologize for what you feel? Why do you have to watch how you say things? Everybody wants to be free and everything, why can't I be free? I have to satisfy you, you and you? It just gets on my fucking nerves. It's like I'm a prisoner. I hate that shit. I came up talking on my beliefs and now it's like I can't even do that shit no more. But it's going to be that one motherfucking day, that I'ma say what I say.

I think people are hungry for that authenticity though.

They think they are hungry for that until you motherfucking say it and then they want to call you ignorant, problematic. All this bullshit, then they start labeling you something that you're not. It's ridiculous.

That is a lot of pressure.

You have to be in my shoes so that you can see how frustrating it is.

What advice would you give to young women trying to do what you're doing?

Do what works for you. Don't do what other people do and then think it's going to work for you, because it might not. What worked for me, it might not work for you. What worked for me was stripping. Stripping got me my first apartment, stripping got me my boobs done, stripping fed me for a very long time. But it might not do the same thing for you baby girl. Find a way for you and always save money. Don't get distracted by men. I spent a lot of time and money bailing men out. I almost went broke, getting lawyers for men. I quit college chasing a man. Don't stop because of a man.