#every once in a while they become the best thing thats ever happened to me

[thecherrygod]

oh linkin park we’re really in it now

[gamblersdoll]

cw: 18+, missionary, choso helps you while you cum. oh, size kink implied.

an: these cramps are making me feral for my big boys. and im finna post some fluff so no worries.

“p-papa cant take it!” you cry, head digging into the pillow and you tap at his hips, but your hand gets shooed away. he doesn’t respond, biting his lip as he try to conceal his moans.

he digs his knees into the mattress, grounding himself to get deeper inside you. he snaps his hips forward, eliciting a moan from you as you whine a bit. this was too much for your poor brain, nonetheless your body. you try to push yourself upward, hoping that you could get a chance–

“stop runnin’, mama..” he says hushed, following you in suite. god fucking-

“kami, baby!” you drag out the ‘y’. your close to coming undone, but hes been pent up.

choso wasnt much of a growler, surprisingly. but when he was needy.. thats a different story. the actual need to fuck you was there. yeah, hes growling by now. he’s trying his best to hold out, to make you remember each and every vein of his cock inside of your walls. he slams a hand onto the headboard, giving your legs availability to wrap around his waist.

“fuuck!” you cry, hands pushing at his chest. “baby im sorry!” you moan out, hoping hed let you cum earlier.

“why are you sorry, mama?” he questions, looking deep into your eyes as he slowly rolls his hips in and out of your sloppy cunt. he hears the slick of your cunt and his cock alone, and the heavy breathing of you both.

“catchin’ an attitude..” you whine out, trying to roll your hips up into him. he presses down on your hip, stopping you. “baby please..”

“and what else.” he asks, well, wasnt really a question.

“callin’ you a bitch..” you sigh out, sounding defeated. you give him your pleading eyes, hoping he’d let it slide and he doesnt have to neglect your orgasm. “promise itll never happen again, i swear!”

“nah, im a bitch right?” he mocks, dumping his cock into your cervix again. you jolt in pleasure, then he snaps his hips to get your attention. “am i? considering the fact that mines is begging for this dick?” he says, harsh but soft.

“n-no! fuck, baby, no!” you say, trying to press into him. again, what were you thinking? “please choso, i wont ever do it again!” you plead, and he seems satisfied.

“yeah? you wont?” he mocks again, thrusting harder into your gummy spot that had you seeing stars. he looks down to see your pussy, and rubs your clit. “shits’ so fuckin’ creamy, mama.. you finna cum, ain’t you?” he asks, watching your face contort into many different faces.

“mhm!” you nod, back arching off the bed as soon as he started rubbing your puffy, aroused clit.

“yeah, mama? cum for me.” he says, rubbing your clit faster in circles and hes digging his cock into your womb at this very point. “you wanna be my good girl again?” he asks.

you nod, frantically.

he nods back at you, “so cum for me.. be my good little girl again.” he says, getting close to your ear as he fucks you almost from your side, while rubbing small circles on your clit. “do it ‘fer me, cmon.. look so fucking good. tell me when you’re gunna cum, okay?”

you nod, feeling your tummy tighten and you reach your hand out to tap three times. your “im gonna cum” taps were always in threes, and he took the cake with figuring that. he suckles on the skin of your shoulder, body becoming too sensitive.

you let out a cry, feeling the coil in your stomach snap and you squeal, “there you goo..” choso says through your squeals, “thats it.. oh im so proud of your, baby. my big girl.” he praises, wrapping his hands on your thighs and panting.

the thing with choso, he was always a pleasure dom. so once youre cumming, hes only a heartbeat away from you.

“jesus—shit!” he growls out through his tight teeth, spilling his own load inside you. “fuck—take my fucking cum!” he thrusts on each word, finally exhaling. he lays on top of you, practically covering your whole body.

“my precious girl.” he whispers in your ear, kissing your cheek. “was i too hard on you?” he asks, eyes looking down at you.

“nuh uh.. you were just fine.” you reassure, causing him to smile.

“good. maybe next time i should go harder.” he suggests, wrapping his arms around you as he lays next to you. “dont go nowhere, just lay here with me.”

no objections to that, love.

[chrisevansonly]

Not A Typical Weekend….(Little Duck au)

pairing: Chris Evans x Female Reader (Momma Evans)

summary: it’s back to the hospital you go, only this time, it may not be the news you’re both looking for…

warnings: angst, mentions of anxiety, some tears, very panicky Arlie, comfort of course <;3

a/n: i was feeling angsty so here’s this…i promise i won’t torture this family anymore, I guess this may be a two parter?? considering I kinda left the ending open...? also I hate my writing again so maybe thats why I kinda cut it that way LOL

word count: 952

 You were hoping the pain after your accident would become more bearable after 5 days at home, but when you were still dealing with cramping, and now stabbing pains in your chest, Chris wouldn’t take no for an answer when it came time to go back to the hospital. Poor Arlie had been beside herself all morning as she watched you wince and moan as the waves of pain passed through you. Lisa was just as worried, but tried to keep Arlie calm and away from a potential panic attack

“Momma no go pwease no go!”

You frowned, opening your arms for her so you could hold her for a few moments

“My love, I’ll be okay, I promise you…momma’s gotta get fixed up so I can be all better again”

“Don’t wanna lose momma…”

Your heart was breaking at the tears that lined her eyes, slowly slipping out every few seconds 

“Arlie Mae, you’re not going to lose me, I’ll be home before you know it, I need you to help Nana with your brother, he’s going to need his big sister while Daddy and I are gone” 

She sniffled

“Okay momma…I-I try to help Nana”

“Thank you baby, I know you’re scared, but I’ll be home before you know it, so I need you to eb a big brave girl for me” 

You kissed her cheek upon hearing Chris call your name from the door, standing slowly to kiss Wesley and hug Lisa, you gave everyone one last goodbye before grabbing an overnight bag, and some snacks. It was hard to tell how long you’d be at the hospital until you arrived and got checked out, so overpacking may come in handy, even if you usually avoided it. 

“Ready to go honey?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be I suppose…I just hope it’s nothing serious”

Chris placed a kiss on your temple after helping you get settled into the front seat of the car 

“I hope so too, we’ll just have to wait and see now…”

You nodded folding your hands into your lap, you’d be lying to yourself if you said you weren’t freaking out a little bit. The prospect of it being horrible news compared to slightly okay news, now seeming to become more real, the closer to the hospital you got. Knowing Chris would be panicking just as much as you figured Arlie still may be at home, you remained quiet, and optimistic that you would be in and out of there in no time. 

-

“Mrs. Evans, I am glad you decided to come back in to see us, albeit not the best circumstances, better to be safe than sorry right?”

You were laying in a hospital bed, a private room once again at Mass Gen, you’d had numerous counts of blood taken, a few scans, x-rays, an entire workup because Chris nor you wanted to leave without being absolutely sure you were one hundred percent okay to go back home 

“So, we have taken a look at all the tests and scans we completed, the pain your experiencing is two things, one of them which is a chip in your collarbone, that has come loose and will require surgery in order to have that bone stabilized again”

Your hand reached for Chris’s looking for some comfort, he was quick to take it, holding it tightly in his, eyes trained on the doctor who had what appeared to be more bad news 

“You also have a collapsed lung, which worries me most because of the duration it seems to have been collapsed for, that is going to require immediate surgery, so we are going to take you down within the hour…any questions I can answer?”

When Chris started speaking with him you zoned out, your mind racing through every endless possibility that could potentially happen while you are on the operating table. It felt like your brain was spinning out of control, your eyes now glossed over, you were freaking out, but Chris could see it, so he promptly held your face in his hands 

“Hey, hey…baby breathe, you gotta breathe for me beautiful…”

“I-I don’t want to d-die, what if-what if”

Chris shook his head 

“No, we aren’t going to do that. You’re not going anywhere y/n, we have the best doctors looking after you, they’re going to help you so we can go home to the kids, so we can live the rest of our lives together, you are going to be okay”

He rested his forehead against yours as you closed your eyes, attempting to get your breathing back under control, and after a few minutes you managed to slow your heart rate again, Chris placed a few kisses to your cheeks before settling on your lips just as the pre op team came in

“I’ll be here the whole time, I promise, I love you so much”

“I love you too Chris, don’t ever forget that”

Chris wanted to say more, he felt like he needed you, but once that team of nurses had rushed into the room to prep you for two back-to-back surgeries, he knew he needed to step back and let them get to work. You were in the best care, and the best hands possible here but that wasn’t enough to keep the anxious thoughts and worries away. Even as he sat down in the uncomfortable chair by the window to call home, that sinking feeling never left him, seeing Arlie and Wesley helped to distract his mind. He truthfully didn’t know how long you’d been in the OR, but he hoped to god it wouldn’t be long so he could have you back in his arms, because life without his better half wasn’t something he was willing to settle for nor think about. 

[spaceagebachelormann]

Hi! Was wondering if I could request headcanons about what It'd be like to be best friends with either Percy Jackson or Leo Valdez? If possible gn or m reader, thank you!

BEING THEIR BEST FRIEND - PERCY JACKSON AND LEO VALDEZ

  ੈ✩‧₊˚ FANDOM: riordanverse

  ੈ✩‧₊˚ FORMAT: headcanon

  ੈ✩‧₊˚ WARNINGS: swearing, angst because i can’t help myself, ttc spoilers, tlo spoilers, tlh spoilers, moa spoilers, hoh spoilers, boo spoilers, toa spoilers

masterlist || riordanverse masterlist || navigation

୨⎯ percy jackson⎯୧

oh my

so you guys probably met at camp half blood during his first year

he was NOT having a good day and you just came and sat beside him and started rambling about random shit

and he was like “okay….”

after that you randomly came up and started talking to eachother

and soon you were inseparable

you get invited on quests with him!!

they let you come as a 4th person for emotional support

he forces you to eat blue food

once you meet sally blue food is all you eat

speaking of sally she loves you

istg she’s atleast once referred to you as her other child

she’s really glad you came up to percy and started rambling about anything and everything because now he has lots of friends

do NOT blame yourself for what happened to bianca and zoë, even if it WAS your fault, or he will shove blue pancakes down your throat until you agree that it wasn’t your fault

also i have a headcanon that bianca and percy were best friends so you three have your own little trio until she dies

if you got hurt during the battle of manhattan (in the first series) my guy would be going insane

demanding to know what happened

anyway then he goes missing and now your going insane trying to figure out what happened

while he’s gone you become good friends with leo and come with them on their quest as a distraction to the fear you feel every minute of everyday of not knowing if your best friend is okay

when you guys find him you laugh while annabeth judo flips him

then judo flip him yourself

you and annabeth are a platonic power couple

BONUS 1:

Y/N, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

Percy, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids

Annabeth: what the fuck are you guys doing?

Y/N: playing systemic oppression

i feel like if you’re part of the 7 he’d be a bit annoyed because he knows being part of a prophecy like that means you’re gonna get hurt a lot

but like he can’t stop you from coming along because you’re in a prophecy

it’s impossible (probably)

THE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS WHEN HE FALLS INTO TARTARUS WITH ANNABETH

YOUR BSF COULD BE DEAD

HOW ARE YOU EXPECTED NOT TO PANIC

when they get out okay you and him go for like a night in the city to catch up cause you’ve both been busy

it was… chaotic

so for dramatic affect let’s say gaea destroyed your house so you have no place to stay and he’s like “you can live with me!!!”

you do then lester shows up and you terrify him with your… well your everything basically

if percabeth has kids your probably the wine aunt/uncle/relative

you go to the same high school

and take almost all the same classes

HE WILL NEVER TAKE MATH OR ENGLISH EVER AGAIN

you randomly storm into eachothers classes to tell eachother the most random things

“PERCY LOOK I FOUND A FROG”

“THATS SO COOL WHATS ITS NAME”

the chaos that you two would cause accidentally

you buy recorders together and annoy EVERYONE

annabeth breaks them eventually

in conclusion: being percys best friend is: chaotic, fun, and also dangerous. he’s protective but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing because like he’d fight for you if anything were to happen

10/10 best friend would recommend

BONUS 2:

Percy: it’s dark in here

Y/N: don’t worry i got this

Y/N: *stomps feet*

Y/N: *sketchers light up*

୨⎯ leo valdez ⎯୧

for my own sake i’m gonna say you met at the boarding school

you, jason, leo, and piper were all VERYYYY good friends

you had your own little squad

you were closest with leo though because of your energy matching

anyway when the whole thing at the grand canyon happens you two are tryna work together to do whatever you can

spoiler warning: IT DIDNT WORK

you tried okay

when the chariot crashes at chb you’re both like “wtf”

you probably pointed out the thing above his head

when he learns he can do fire powers you guys have fires every week where you make s’mores and yell at people from afar

funniest duo

probably forbids you to do random stuff

if you’re part of the 7 hes probably happy because:

a) HES GOING ON A QUEST WITH HIS BESTFRIEND

b) you can do your pranks together and make everyone angry at you

so help me god if you fall into tartarus with percy and annabeth he will jump in after you

no he tries but jason doesn’t let him

if you don’t fall in but are restless and worried after he’ll stay by you the whole time

even though your kinda freaking him out he’s not gonna leave you like this

when they come back alright hes so happy to see your tense shoulders relax and you fall asleep easily that night

OH ALSO PLATONIC FLIRTING

you’d probably propose at restaurants to get free food

or if someone’s bothering you or him the other will come and flirt and act like your/his partner to scare them away

i’m pretty sure leo has canonically read the hunger games so he rants to you about it while sobbing his eyes out

WHEN HE HAS TO DIE IN BOO HE AVOIDS YOU FOR AWHILE AS TO NOT GET ATTACHED TO YOU FURTHER

when you find out what’s he’s gonna do it’s too late and he’s already gone 😨😨

another 6 restless months

you lose hope then your sibling comes in and says “HES BACK”

you judo flip his ass so hard

then you meet calypso and become friends with her too

she’s like you and leo’s gaurdian

BONUS 1:

*Y/N and Leo sitting together in jail*

Leo: so who should we call

Y/N: i’d call calypso but i feel safer in jail

comforting eachother after jason dies

okay back to the not sad stuff

BONUS 2:

Y/N: *holding perfume bottle* is this whiskey or perfume?

Leo: *chugs entire bottle*

Leo: it’s perfume

[tsalexisandrews]

How common or uncommon is crossdressing according to you? How much of a taboo is it ?

While getting yourself a professional makeover at the several places you mentioned, have there been mishaps where you got excited turned on? How was that dealt with?

For a first timer maybe in Europe, which professional studio would you recommend?

Do you know any professional studios in Asia/india/china/thailand?

Has there been an incident ever thus far where someone who is a relative/friend has almost accidentally found out about you? How did you handle that situation?

How often do you get excited/ turned on looking at yourself? What do you do about it?

Ever picked up a man or a woman or a tgil/CD at a bar/night club or any LGBTQ events etc? How did it go? Describe an event?

Ever smooched/hooked up in public at any of the tgirl events you attended? How did it go?

I think the act of publicly crossdressing/transgenderism is certainly more common than in years past. I'd theorize the number of people who WANT to act on CD/TG urges is the same as its ever been. Its just now become more acceptable in society and its being publicized more, so it seems as though it is more common. Of course, its more acceptable in some places than others, so that certainly plays into how common it is.

I've been lucky to experience professional makeovers/transformations 15 times at 6 different places in the US and the UK. Contrary to what one might expect, I did not get sexually aroused at all. Perhaps it was the professional environment I was in, but these artists wo do the work don't see it as a sexual act so for me its not even considered. No accidents occurred and therefore I dind't get turned on. Now when I got home and looked at the pictures, thats anther story!

I will always recommend Jodie at the Boudoir in London as a first time experience, primarily because I think she's the best and shes a dear friend. But I did have very good experiences at Boys wll be Girls in London and Dafni Girls in Barcelona. Check any of them out!

I haven't been to any transformation studios in Asia, and the only one I know of is in Japan. A quick google search will find the name. They do a really good jo according to one of my friends.

I've been caught once and it didn't go well. I'll leave it at that.

I do occasionally get turned on looking at myself. Frankly, I'm at the point where I'm more critical of how I look and so any pictures I see I tend to see flaws. But occasionally there's a really flattering picture that stirs something in me. Same thing with a mirror. I'm always adjusting something and trying to perfect it.

I have been picked up at clubs in the past, and most of the times (like any non-queer instance) it ended pretty well. Maybe we have drinks, go out to another club afterward, and likely back to one annother's place for some fun. Not always, of course- some people are assholes. But one time that went well was at a club in Austin. I went there with a couple other trans girlfriends and met a really nice local guy. He bought me a few drinks, we hit it off talking about football, and left before closing time to a hole in the wall bar. A few more drinks and I coul tell this guy was ready to go. He was really cute, as tall as I am, and very polite- but direct and firm. Turns out, he's into bondage too and has a mini dungeon in his house. I let me friends know where I was going and ended up having some of the most mind blowing sex until 7am. He was very dom which matched to my sub, and it was fantastic. I left and never saw him again!

No, I haven't hooked up at the Tgirl events I go to, which is really just Viva Wildside in Vegas every May (check it out- it is a BLAST). The girls I hang out with aren't looking to hook up, certainly not with each other, and therefore its more about being able to party in public as ourselves. Its not a sexualized event (though I imagine it happens), as we're all just having fun in Vegas. I've never felt the desire to hook up while there, of course remember I'm more attracted to women and men than trans, so that may have something to do with it too.

[thisdreamplace]

hi. i wish i had the courage to come off anon but im not comfortable with it. but i just had a good cry while scrolling through your blog. thank you. honestly, life has been so sad for years. in 2020, i found out about the law. life has been rough & i just want softness. all of these rules that have been thrown at me do not make me feel good. i’m even afraid to type this at this point bc it may “mess up my manifestation”. but all this forcing is not worth it. does anyone ever stop and say “is all this worth it”? not about being god but all the rules & methods & techniques. does anyone ever want to live in peace? i feel like all of it isn’t peace. at least for me. in my head, god is stress free. but i can’t even wake up or go to sleep without the constant thought of negativity. i wake up “man, my 3d is still this way ugh, let me ignore & force these affirmations down my throat” and repeat the next day. i haven’t enjoy my life for 2 years. is anyone not tired like me??? 😭 it’s all supposed to be simple. i’m not the type to repeat forced affirmation & analyze every damn thing. i just want to eat ice cream & chill. lol. after scrolling through your blog, i see it’s ok. it’s okay to do whatever feels right for me. i hate that i had to see your blog to understand that. i wish i believed in myself the way i believed in others. i was already thinking i should just do my own thing but i didn’t trust it. i had to see a blog say it. 🥲 no more of that tho. i trust me. if we think about it, someone had to discover this law themselves. who’s to say we can’t just come up with something our self. there is no limit. blogs & loa related people don’t resonate with me anymore (no hate at all, i’ve just evolved in some way). i believe the true feeling is what brings you peace within. what truly resonates with me is creating my own thing. so that’s what i’ll do. so this is my official goodbye to the community.

ty beautiful blog that i just so happened to come across a second ago. 😂💞

hi <3

awe anon. tbh i think a lot of people are tired. i think its morseo frightening to let it all go though. the scary thing is once you learn about this law, there is no turning back. there is always that voice bugging you that says, "you caused this, its your fault, change it ! fix it now !" the sort of peace our past ignorance used to bring is no longer an option. we cant forget everything we know. but how can we move forward from here, branching off with all we know now ? its honestly terrifying when you put so much time and energy and faith into this for so long.

its actually very beautiful that this blog gave you a sense of light ! i love that ! this is literally why i love people and interaction and experiences. because we can move forward and grow in such positive ways thanks to the light of someone else ! thats literally so beautiful to me ! its why we are here together !!! omg

i'm glad that youre finally setting urself free. take it moment by moment n be patient with yourself as you find what feels best, and learn what its like to really listen to yourself. i remember during my break how i went throught this process and i told one of my friends it felt like i was literally recovering from addiction. bc thats essentially what its become for many. logging into whatever platform everyday, getting their daily high from all the motivational content and success stories, just to crash again later when the world just isnt seemingly bending to their will like the top accounts promised. its really an addicting doomloop. so take it easy and be okay with wherever you are at a moment.

if u ever feel comfortable to come off anon, i would love to be friends <3 sending all the love and sunshine to u on ur new journey ! xo

[1wingedtraveler]

you have asked and i shall deliver😌

time to blow ur mind and inbox my darling mari

okayyyy so first of sumeru archon quest interlude will happen and it seems to be more focused on scaramouche and the fatui plans. the 1st harbinger, pierro seems to have ordered dottore to trick scaramouche into thinking they made him the god he was always supposed to be because dottore said smt along the lines of “jester, i have completed the mission you gave me”.

2nd. it seems like us the traveler, scaramouche and nahida are not done with our quest with the irmunsul tree since smt that looks alike was shown and the lumine va said nahida has asked us to do smt with the irmunsul tree but i forgor💀

3rd. to me it seems like dottore had fucked up with scara’s mind and memories since in the trailer it was shown that scaramouche was having a mental breakdown while saying “dottore” in a very hurt, traumatized and betrayed voice. my poor wifey leave him alone yall😭😭😭

4th. inazuma will have an event, there will be another event that you have to collect balloons, akin to sonic around every part of the map and the windtrace event has returned!!! i’m so excited since this is my first windtrace event ever since i only started playing genshin thru the middle of infinite ayaya banner💀

5th. introducing the characters’ and their gameplay. scara definitely looks fun and guess what!! HE REFUNDS MORA WHEN ASCENDING BOW OR A CATALYST WEAPON!!! YEEESSSS!! (even tho i have 17million mora)

6th. faruzan. she’s def more interesting than she looks since her backstory was briefly introduced by lumine va. faruzan is apparently 200 hundred year old at least. she started by being the best puzzle solving person from the akademiya 100 years ago and the notes she left behind became one of the best materials. sadly she once got trapped in a domain for 100 years which caused her to become immortal and now she has returned and seems to be working as a mentor. also she seems to be a good swirl character. her burst was similiar to yelan and xingqui’s but instead of floating beside her it floats around and it buffs friends in co-op and decreases enemies’ anemo dmg.

7th. just in case you haven’t known 3.3 first half will have scara and itto while second half will have ei and ayato.

8th. also another thing i forgot. it seems like scara’s battlesuit, the large mecha seems to be sentient in some form or maybe it’s controlled by dottore cuz towards the end scara was standing against the mecha as if he was about to fight it. honestly what’s up with the raidens and their sentient puppet mechas🙄🙄

and that abt wraps it up. good luck on ur pulls fellow scaranation person😤😤 and we WILL have him. he has no choice. i won’t even hesitate for a single second to write another smut of him as a summoning ritual🤭

Wow thank you for summerizing whole stream for me. Saves me the time watching lmao(I will spend it on farming primos for my queen scara)

Fuck scara didn't learn shit since those 3 betrayals. Now the 4th is sounds like an REAL betrayal😭 (note to future scara fanfics *EXTREME* trust issues)

Ohhh you know what if windtrace has returned we could play it together sometime. If people from diffrent servers can play together 🥲 i would have to also borrow my friends laptop since my refuses to let me coop and dies

Scara must have learned bow and catalyst making from his friend😔 thats why its his passive talent

Omg I want to see scara in battle out of his mecha suit. I hope he will fight it

I too have around 20 milion mora, im rank 60 so all the exp turns into mora and I still crave more. Im mr. Crabs of genshin

I think I will have over 300 wishes for my wife and queen when he comes out😈 and guaranteed

A summoning ritual for scara when he gets gangbanged by reader's clones or reader and other characters🤤

AHEM

GOOD LUCK ON PULLING HIM! SCARANATION SHALL SUCCEED

[leafonground]

i mentioned doki in my last post and yeah i kinda dont talk about it as much as the other seasons ive completed huh.

despite my incoming hater rant i uh. dont hate it? but i like every other season ive seen better and that includes tropical rouge, which despite being my first season i do find mid now. though thats really not enough credit to doki, its highs are higher, but its lows are waaaaay lower.

(ramble incoming, not important, just my own scuffed opinion, but its under the cut. also spoilers.)

first off, elephant-shaped ira in the room, yes im a self identified card carrying cure ace hater. i can own that, im fine with it, star twinkle madoka is best madoka, but also i feel like that doesnt give the nuace of how i feel enough credit. its sorta like, yes the fake-out was lame, but a fake out like that is supposed to make more sense in hindsight, when you see the rest of the story and know why it happened, but we REALLY didnt get that. was literally a deus ex machina to save the cures from getting washed by fucked up and evil and purple regina, then proceeds to become an even bigger problem than regina by finessing manas lovies while shes sad about losing her blonde villain gf.

i then made jokes about how aguri is homophobic for the rest of the show

proceeds to be a colossal dickhead for the next 10 episodes, then its revealed she cant back it up cus of the whole time limit thing that they discard at the end, and then just. says sowwy and fades into the bg until endgame arc starts. like we see that she was watching the cures beforehand, but then NEVER stepped in until the regina thing, which. why? she didnt know she and regina were split off from ange until way later, what compelled her? that the cures were gonna lose? howd that not get her moving the several times thatd already happened? theres no reasoning behind it, she shows up, acts like a dickhead, and turns endgame into the aguri show and turns makotos whole arc into an afterthought. most we get out of her after that was the brush your teeth episode. imo actively made the show worse off.

not the only one though cus okada joe, fresh from getting his wife killed and losing his homeworld, gets sent to the main world, immediately starts hitting on middle schoolers. its been said that they were gonna go full coco on this dude but one higherup said "ya nah", but its hard to tell if that happened before or after the show started airing, cus it only fully stops once we see him in the armour suit, going "i miss my wife tails makoto. i miss her a lot" when he was trying to rizz her up like 20 episodes ago. bigger danger to children than king selfish at that rate. only good thing about aguri imo is that okada joe vanishes for like 12 episodes since him meeting aguri would advance the plot.

alice is also kinda lame. nothing else for me to say except half of the alice episodes felt like sebastian the butler episodes, except those were actually fun cus he has a personality thats more than a gentrified toothpick

but also the shows highs are REALLY GOOD. rikka is awesome. the first villain trio is excellent. every scene with regina in it is peak, especially the midseason arc (before aguri anyway). they made a line sticker of that one scene where regina and mana sleep in the same bed and thats the most adorable shit ive ever seen. that one pre-endgame episode with regina and rikka gave kira a run for its money with the funny homo factor. speaking of rikka, the first straight ship (not you raquel) ive seen the series push that isnt either basic as fuck or vomit inducing.

also mana is okay you guys are just mean. when yr in the same show as aguri the mary sue allegations kinda just explode into a cloud of steam

but thats not enough for doki to beat the mid allegations imo. which is a huge shame, this show has so much going for it, but it consistently put a focal point on the things that make it worse! and also why i havent posted about it until literally today, it isnt genuinely great like heartcatch or st, it doesnt have dedicated brain worms inside my frontal lobe like mahopre or kira, and it isnt a show thats overall good but then fumbled its main twist in the most personally aggravating to me way possible like tropical rouge.

oh yeah while im here ive also watched go princess, but that shows issues are more in that anything that isnt towa is kinda just fucking boring, (which is also a shame cus towas the best precure character period bar none) but thats a post for another time

[aestheticvoyage2023]

Day 273: Saturday September 30, 2023 - "Cheer Cheer Cheer for Iowa"

I was committed to a good day no matter what and walked into Kinnick Stadium with a Sparty headband, green pants, and an Iowa shirt for the black out game under lights, patting Kinnick statue for good luck and plenty to cheer for.

We set the plan for this day in motion back in 2017 when driving home, west to Denver, with Scott and D2, after we stormed the field, present for the shellacking the Hawkeyes delivered to #6 Ohio State. "When does Sparty next play in Iowa, because I want to do that again!" The answer? 2023. And so here we were, this time with my parents driving down to join the Sparty Party. As luck would have it, they booked it in under the lights for a Saturday night B1G matchup, giving us all day to hang out and have fun which included beers and obligatory Go Green Go White chants from the road fans at the SpoCo to get warmed up for a huge Everything burrito at Pancheros and a Mr Bean-esque adventure in the bathroom where untold things happened with their hand dryer; between the burrito and the bathroom, Pancheros may have become as memorable as the game. I didn't need to eat again the rest of the day (probably the weekend).

Scott scored us a great tailgate spot at the Swinger Pavillon, and after parking the truck in a local's yard, we joined the Iowa tailgate scene, full of drumlines, Busch Light, and lots of friendly Iowans. We had a great time up against the North End Zone, making friends amongst the welcoming old retrofitted RV that the owners got for $1.

Once inside the stadium, the dusky pregame was anything but twilight silence - AC/DCs back in black muscled into the air as the Hawkeyes marched in unison for the tunnel walk, finally storming out under Metallica's Enter Sandman. I had my seat, "alone" just above the tunnel next to the student athlete section where Id make friends with the Iowa fans all around me, including a couple of guys that came and joined me in my one empty seat. Lets pack it in. I yelled for the Hawkeyes, I yelled for the Spartans. I cried Kill Bubba Kill on big third downs, and proudly joined the "I" cheer representing my corner of the stadium.

And I thought about my buddy Shane. Five years ago this week, he passed in a car accident back home in Michigan. And as a big Iowa fan, I figured that Id wear it tonight for him, and cheer and have fun because I was still here and could, for him. I thought of him every time I screamed at the top of my lungs to add to that ruckus environment and I let his sister know that he was here, while lots of other Albion friends gathered for the Brits and our 20 year homecoming. I thought of him while I participated in the traditional Iowa wave, knowing what all he did to fundraise for kids, he would have really thought that was something. Especially tonight where in primetime everyone turned on their phone lights so that the kids could see. Incredible. Even the players and mascot participate. One of the most special traditions in all of college football. Iowa is a special place. And for that first half, I was totally ok, sitting in my place in the stadium by myself where, albeit somewhat buzzed and loud and obnoxious, I could also be alone with my thoughts and enjoy every special little bit.

At halftime, I went to venture out to the end end of the field to sit with D2 and Scott - when the Iowa Marching band came out and launched into a Metallica themed show! Unbelievable. What are the chances - after thinking of Shane so much and wearing the Iowa shirt and cheering for the Hawkeyes for him, the biggest Metallica fan I know - now the band launched into Master of Puppets. Thats incredible. I filmed it and sent it along to his sister in shock. The Hawkeye Metallica band came out on the field and turned it up to 11. I was beside myself. One of the best concert experiences I ever had, Shane took me to a Metallica concert at the Silverdome the summer we graduated from college. I am pretty sure that was one of the last times I ever saw him. It was hard not to be romantic about the feelings. Especially after four Busch Lights. But I decided, assuredly, that something special had just happened here, and that Shane was alive tonight in Iowa City with me. I was committed to having a good night no matter what and as I found my way up to D2 and Scott, it was pretty obvious that football was really secondary to this whole day. The chance to be alive, and cheer, and drink beer, and be with friends, and be with family, and to be out of the house, and be myself. I didn't really care who won. Kinnick sure is a special place.

It'd be a tight low scoring game, but you just got the sense in the 4th quarter that Sparty was about to break and sure enough after some very loud penalties down in front of us, they punted the ball away only to have it come right back, down the sideline, running right at us - a game winner punt return for a touchdown, which as a Spartan fan was of course a let down - but the trade off was seeing this special place, in primetime in front of the home fans, go bananas. Even D2 who is probably a mostly casual hawkeye squealed like he was pissing his pants as the marching band lit into the fight song, that you could barely hear over the Iowa fateful who had been waiting for a chance to blow up and celebrate. Even the guy up there that had been hassling my confused outfit couldnt help but give me a hug and a kiss he was so happy. Ah to love something that much. Shane would have loved it, and as I high fived Scott and D2, I imagined he was there too. The timelessness of sport - someday we'll all be gone, but this place, this game, this institution will still be here. Saturday night lights. Its more than a game.

We'd have a night cap at the Swinger Pavillon where the nice lady had kept the chicken tenders and cooler of beer for us before our long walk back to some guys yard to find the truck. My buffalohoodie smelled like spilt Busch Light and fall and I suppose that meant it was a successful day. Aside from 10 minutes in the Panchero's bathroom, I had had a good day, no matter what. A special day. With my family and friends, including one from a long time ago. It didn't matter who won, but even the game would give us something to talk about for years - and thats all you can really ask for.

Is this heaven? No, its Iowa.

Song: Metaliica - Crown of Barbed Wire

Quote: “When it is understood that one loses joy and happiness in the attempt to possess them, the essence of natural farming will be realized. The ultimate goal of farming is not the growing of crops, but the cultivation and perfection of human beings.” ― Masanobu Fukuoka

[blackvail22]

i talk here a bunch each day because i have no one else to talk to.

its sad, honestly.

i couldnt go to my counseling appointment, so i wont be able to see her again for another 2 weeks

thats nearly a month since ive seen her

im not doing very well so this isnt good at all lmao

idk how im going to make it another 2 weeks but all i can do is try ...

i think i start work again next week. im afraid of what has changed... probably not a lot. all i know is we have a new manager, and ive heard he's nice

i have a postop appt on tuesday for my tonsillectomy. finally i will have what my disease means explained to meeee. i keep thinking about it, and its been bothering me. i probably wont know if i have another surgery until after my next ct scan (they have to space them out so i dont get exposed to too much radiation and i had one less than a month ago) and idk when that is

im so bored. i have to be the problem

i really think i am

"my friends wont reach out" but when i reach out its super dry and they varely engage. maybe im seeing it in the wrong perspective. maybe my vision is skewed, and im seeing it in the wrong light.

maybe its because theyre busy

maybe at work

going to work

hanging out with other friends

going to hang out with other friends

i want to have a good friend group so bad but i feel like i cant have one

i feel like my only friend was em even though she used me. oh, i dont know if i ever told u the reason why we arent friends anymore

so, i dont have the best memory of the order everything happened, but ill do my best to sort it out

after spending a bunch of time together, we started to fade away. i would ask her if she wanted to spend the night, she would hesitate for a good 30 minutes, talk to her mom, and then say "sure". sometimes she wouldnt wait until we ate dinner (but a good amount of times she did) until shed say "oh i forgot something at home" or "my stomach hurts" and id walk to her house with her (except the times when she'd tell me not to).

when i walked with her, she would always say "ill be right back" and then shed be gone for 10 minutes and her mom would come out and be like "hey... she doesnt feel well so she's going to say home". and each time i would walk home crying. at this point, she was already blowing me off, not talking to me, and overall being rude, but i still went back to her every time.

this rare occasion was in early september of 2017. we only hung out, and then she said she had someone else shes hanging w at her house. she had become friends with people that hated my sister as well as a girl that honestly no one knows. em started to become them... like literally she became a copy of them. the whole group of girls would tell her that my sister is a fat, ugly whore. they fed her all of this, and they would talk and call my sister names and generally talk shit about her

a few days after i heard abt this, i saw things from em that she was having a hard time. i was outside doing yard work, and she was walking by. i said "hey, i hope you feel better" and she yelled "fuck you" at me while, again, giving me the finger.

i dont know what i did, but that was the last time in years that we would talk to each other. we would be "friends" on the bus the few days she went to school sophomore year...

now, though? i dont exist to her. i saw her at my work TWICE this past year, once being on my recent birthday, and she pretended she didnt know me. i look the same as i did before... this most recent time, she was with her boyfriend, one of the friends from '17 and her mom. as i greeted them, everyone looked over except her... her mom even did a double take.

she claims she doesnt know why our friendship went to shit when we were toxic to each other our whole friendship. it was never healthy.

she seems to be happy though, at least happier than me. shes pregnant again. im not sure of the gender, but i think its going to be a boy. she's always wanted to be a mom, so i hope shes a good one.

[prettyboykatsuki]

cw ;; deku in love w u, cheating (kinda..? u break up w him over the phone like. right before), oral (f!recieving), fem reader, 

hey guys i can’t stop thinking about deku who hates the guy you’re seeing so this is coming out of me..

i really just. i bet it’s hard for deku not to like someone. after all - he puts up with bkg even now, as much of a brat as he is. deku was raised with a mother and is a patient man. when he saves people - victims, and they cry and kick and scream, he doesn’t even get upset. it’s hard to push his buttons - calm and collected and a nervous wreck but not angry. never angry. never raises his voice. 

even his anger has a patience to it - and you think that’s a feat. you’ve only seen him get really mad before once, in a fight. it’s icy, that kind of seething feeling. its an anger for justice and it’s a quality you admire in him. you wish that you had the emotional intelligence to feel your feelings how he does. you like that about him. 

you wouldn’t call deku your best friend. but he’s a good friend, a really good friend. maybe someone you pined after in highschool - maybe even before than. you’ve always admired him but somewhere along the way you two became friends, enough so that it’s weird for you now. you couldn’t possible admit your attraction so with a heavy heart, you keep him at arms legnth. he knows you well but you tell yourself that’s how he is with everyone. it’s deku. 

now adults and with lives to live separately - you go into your field of choice and deku becomes a pro. you see him less and less but he makes time for you. again - it’s just something you do. you appreciate that he cares enought about you to do so. and it’s not like you have any idea that his friends only hear from him half the time you do. you don’t think anything of it, and you shake off the thoughts of him that haunt you when you’re awake in the middle of the night 

the kind of thoughts that having you sticking a hand in your shorts - saying you’ll sleep right after. you try. and fail. but normally after you’re too tired to dwell. it happens for a while. 

maybe you’re just frustrated. that’s so possible. it’s hard for you to get out these days - you’re lonely. you’re sure. 

it takes no time at all for you to download tinder in shame. sitting with wine and a your phone - you scroll and scroll and land on somebody named nakamura and he seems so nice. he is nice to you - charming and witty. handsome and a nice build. a good job. stable. 

you get to talking an in no time at all you have a date. and a week passes and you go on the date and it’s good - not perfect but not bad. you think to yourself there’s something off about him, arrogant but you look past it. you sleep with him and it’s just okay. and it doesn’t get rid of deku in your dreams, caressing you in your sleep. you have a wet dream.. you didn’t even know you could have those. 

but you decide to see it through - for so long you date this man for almost half a year. he’s not perfect but what relationships are, really? he treats you okay though you wish he would pay a bit more attention. he spoils you with lavish gifts and nice dinners but you’d rather just hang out on the weekend and - 

you see it through. and he meets your friends and they hate him but you tell them they don’t get it. eventually you get around to deku and you don’t think twice about the encounter until it happens. 

just a dinner with a few from your highschool group - uraraka and todoroki and iida. and you can feel it off of deku - you can see that ice that you haven’t seen in so long. he’s being ncie but there’s more to it. it’d be undetectable to anyone who doesn’t know him, like your new boyfriend. but to you it’s obvious. 

you don’t say anything to your boyfriend. but you decide to be with deku alone the next day - ask if he’s free. at the end of the day you still care about deku.. you care so much. so you meet up the next day for lunch and he looks.. off. distant. there but not. 

“izuku.. what’s up with you?,” 

he gives you a painful sigh. he seems sad.. seems frustrated about something. a little strain in his voice. 

“you know i always respect you and your choices. i’ll always support you but.. i just don’t think that guys good for you,” 

you feel defensive. you are defensive. 

“you don’t even know him..’zuku. he’s a nice guy,” 

he sighs, attaches your name in a disappointed voice. it makes your heartache. 

“i don’t understand it. not at all,” 

“you don’t need too,” 

you’re about to cut the lunch short, standing up and getting read to leave but deku pulls you back to your seat. he looks at you, strained. upset. 

“just. be honest. why? it’s not like you,” 

you can’t help but be honest with him. it’s so hard for you to lie so you don’t. you swallow something in your throat 

“im.. i was trying to get over someone,” 

he looks surprised. 

“... who..? did it.. did it work?” 

“it doesn’t matter,” 

everything stops. and there’s something in his eyes again. the only thing deku is selfish in is you - the only weakness he’s ever felt. and in the moment he can feel it, all those feelings he can’t seem to break free from. 

“who,” 

“damn it, izuku - it’s you! it’s.. it’s you,” 

and that’s how it all happens - why you called your boyfriend in the middle of the afternoon after pulling into a hotel with deku behind you. his hands on your waist, voice in your ear. 

“tell him you’re breaking up with him,’ ― a soft whisper in your ear ― “for me.. go on,” 

and you don’t have much of a choice when deku’s mouth in your skin. you can barely surpress a moan as he kiss your spine, licks up your neck with something inside of him. he gets you undressed and your phone is tossed and forgotten about. and whatever plans you had for the day disappear too. 

instead deku fulfills those nasty little dreams you had. something about his touch makes you confess things you’d never dream. with every word, he moans a little. so into you. you think he gets off on how much you like him - think that’s why his cock twitches when it pushes against your thighs. he begs you tell him all the details. he wants to hear every detail from your mouth. 

he makes you. he makes you. with his tongue lapping at your clit and your orgasm in the center of his palms. with your toes curling and your body weak 

“tell me where i touched you. i’ll do it. whatever you want. just tell me,” 

he does. he touches you everywhere and asks if thats what you wanted. does it feel good? where do you need him? he has the nerve to eat you out until your toes curl and you drool and hold you down, your hips pinned to the bed as he moans into your cunt with a sweetness. calloused palms holding you down. 

you’re not surprised that he fucks you within an inch of your life. his dick is so fucking big but you’re so wet it fits right in. and he fucks you - bounces you up and down on his lap.  using your pussy like a fleshlight with the sheer force but he’s whispering in your ears. 

“you’re so pretty. take it so well. im gonna take care of you. im gonna make you feel so good” over and over on repetition. he’s making a mess out of you, melting into a puddle as you cum over and over. it’s about you and only you. that’s enough to make you feel frenzied. when he’s close - you beg him to cum inside and he groans, burying your neck and finishing inside. 

after it’s all said and done, deku cleans you up. kisses you sweetly and tells you how much he likes you. your voice is hoarse but all u do is laugh. 

“you really didn’t like him.. couldn’t even wait an hour,” 

he blushes a little. 

“... can’t say i did,”

[ramzawrites]

can i request an angsty sbi fic where sibling reader lost two lives saving others (maybe tubbo at the festival?) and they see everything falling apart (techno and phil destroying everything, wilbur dead and tommy focused on the disks) and they pretend to be ok while their mental health gets worse and worse until they decide to end it, and people only realise they weren't okay after the death message pops up and their reactions to seeing it? if not thats completely fine, ik its pretty heavy

Broken

GN

Pairings: none

Characters included: Wilbur, Tommy, Philza, Tubbo, Technoblade

Warnings: depression, suicide (falling, non descriptive), angst

Series: a request!

Summary: Y/N just wanted their home back. They just wanted to live a peaceful life but instead all their hopes and dreams got ripped apart by the people they loved the most.

Words count: 3647

Authors Note: Honestly I could have shortened it quite a bit but here we are, it’s way longer than I wanted but I hope you guys enjoy this. I’m sorry if this went kind off of rails to what you might have envisioned. Also I hope that you guys know that you are loved and appreciated. I appreciate you for taking the time to read my stuff :] Here is m favorite video to cheer me up some times, hope it can cheer you up as well!

I’m also curious what your guys thoughts and opinion are on this or my writing in general! Can’t get better without feedback :]

Y/N loved their family.

They were all pretty chaotic but so was Y/N, following their siblings into trouble ignoring any possible consequences.

So when Wilbur proclaimed he would create an independent Nation inside the SMP that was owned by Dream himself, you bet that Y/N was standing right beside him.

When Wilbur would struggle with his tasks or was weighed down by doubts they would swoop right in and do their best to support him. Every time Wilbur would say “I don’t know what I would do without you sometimes.” While Y/N didn’t do it for praise but out of love for him it was still nice knowing that he appreciated them and that he took note of their work.

Tommy wasn’t really for heartfelt words but he too expressed in his own way how much he appreciated them being around. Most of his schemes wouldn’t have even happened without Y/N’s help after all. As a way to say thanks he would let them just take stuff fout his chets or when he heard they needed a specific resource he would wander out and get it for them. Of course saying something on the lines of “I was out there anyhow, so I brought some with me. It was on the way.” Y/N could read between the lines though. They grew up with him after all.

Y/N put so much energy into L’Manberg they couldn’t help but be in love with this little nation. They would do everything to protect their home.

When Y/N lost their first life it was together with their siblings protecting their nephew Fundy.

The Dream Team suddenly retreated after another battle against L’Manberg. While the group was celebrating what they thought was their first victory in ages, Eret appeared. She told the group of a small bunker with more resources.

Still celebrating Wilbur, Y/N, Tommy, Tubbo and Fundy made their way towards the bunker. The bunker that would later go down into history as “The Final Control Room.”

Inside they all looked at the labeled chests only to notice that they were empty. Eret then pressed a button which opened up secret walls with the Dream Team standing behind. She herself got into safety as Dream and his friends merciless attacked the L’Manberg faction.

As soon as Y/N understood what was happening they did their best to form a wall between the attackers and Fundy. Slowly pushing him out of the room while they made sure to block the exit, giving the Fox Hybrid enough time to run away.

When they woke up again it was inside their home. In L’Manberg. Sore from the respawning.

Once they did respawn though it didn’t take long for Fundy to barge into their room and throw himself against them, thanking them. Wilbur was close by, looking worse for wear as well but incredible thankful nonetheless.

After that and a few battles more Tommy challenged Dream to a duel in order to secure independence. He lost so instead he bartered his music discs for freedom.

After Tommy respawned a second time Y/N made sure to spent most of their time hovering around him. Making sure he was doing alright.

But with that L’Manberg was independent and it was Y/N’s time to shine. Sure, they worked hard on strengthening the infrastructure of the nation but now, maybe even because of that, they basically coordinated all the new builds.

Shops, homes and other things were being build with them overseeing it. Meanwhile Wilbur and Tommy took care of the political part only to come to the conclusion that they had to have a proper election.

At first it started innocently enough as well. New political parties were made that begun advertising themselves. Funny enough they would always come to Y/N asking them where they could hang up their posters. It was then that Y/N realized that the people saw them as some sort of authority, even asking them if they wanted to start their own campaign. They politely declined, saying they worked best as a support role.

Then Schlatt entered the stage and everything got thrown upside down.

In the end he managed to become the next president via a coalition and his first declaration as the president, or emperor as he called himself, was to exile Tommy and Wilbur.

As they ran for their life Y/N didn’t hesitate to follow. It hurt them so much to leave L’Manberg, their fruit and labor, behind. This only got worse once they realized that Tubbo was basically left alone back at the city under Schlatt’s rule.

Then Pogtopia got established.

Tommy, Wilbur and Y/N did their best to get a proper foothold again. Gathering resources and planning for ways to get their home back. And to accomplish this they soon called in the oldest sibling of the group, Technoblade.

Techno has been away for the longest time now. He moved out early to travel the world and apparently train himself. Somehow Tommy found a way to get a message to him, so he made his way towards Pogtopia.

He wasn’t big on words or emotions but as soon as he arrived he let Y/N hug him.

“This is a onetime deal, Y/N.”

With Techno they finally felt like they had a chance. Y/N could maybe return home someday. Back when they were children Techno always looked out for them so to have him back Y/N felt infinitely safer.

All the while Wilbur showed more and more signs that his mental health was rapidly declining. Y/N did their best trying to cheer him up but there was only so much they could do. Especially since they themself were struggling.

L’Manberg was their everything and now it was under the iron rule of Schlatt. They had to watch as Schlatt walked through the nation, ripping apart builds that they commissioned or even built themself. Every time he did something like that it felt like another stab wound directly into their heart.

Then the festival happened where Y/N lost their second life protecting Tubbo.

Schlatt wanted to apparently celebrate democracy and his amazing rule. Tommy and Wilbur weren’t allowed to join while Techno and Y/N received an invitation.

Y/N was very wary of that. They learned from Tubbo that Schlatt apparently was pretty interested in bringing them over to Manberg since a lot of the residents trusted them and saw them more as an authority than Schlatt himself, so bringing them over would probably also bring a lot of the residents around to his rule.

On the day of the festival Y/N made sure to stay close to Techno. Holding on to his arm and basically hiding behind him, not feeling up to talk with all the people in Manberg.

The people were happy to see them but Y/N was tired. They haven’t slept properly ever since the exile, too many thoughts that kept them awake.

Then the speeches started.

Honestly Y/N wasn’t really listening, their attention purely on a broken old building. It used to be the place where Y/N and the other residents would meet up and map out their plans for new builds. Discussing and even sometimes arguing on what materials should be used and where to get them. Now it was empty.

Their attention got pulled back towards what was actually happening once Tubbo begun speaking. It was a nice little speech Y/N had to admit.

Just as Tubbo was about to leave, Schlatt moved back in. Holding him in place and pushing him in something that Y/N had to describe as a cage with the help of Quackity.

“Techno, buddy. Come up here for a sec.”

Technoblade tensed up but still moved towards the stage. There Schlatt uttered the words that pulled the rug out from beneath Y/N once again.

“Kill him Techno. He is a traitor.”

“Don’t you dare!” Y/N yelled out, making their way towards the stage as well.

Y/N knew Techno couldn’t deal well with social pressure, especially when there were about ten people or more behind him that could attack him at any point.

Tubbo looked so scared as he pressed himself against the wall. There was no escape for him.

When Techno moved his crossbow up, aiming directly at Tubbo, Y/N let out another scream. Urging him to stop.

Explosions. Colorful explosions filled the place.

“Y/N!” it was Tubbo screaming their name out.

Just as Techno pressed the trigger Y/N managed to jump in front, the rockets hitting them instead of Tubbo.

Their older brother looked absolutely mortified “Y/N? Wha- What? Why? How?” staring at Y/N’s lifeless body that slowly dissolved. They were slowly respawning but seeing his siblings body was enough to send him in some sort of frenzy.

Filled with bloodlust he aimed his crossbow towards Schlatt and Quackity. Killing them with one press of the trigger only to turn around and aim his crossbow towards the people.

As this happened Tommy enderpearled over, screaming at Techno.

He helped Tubbo out of the cage who was still in a state of shock. He only saw Y/N for a second and the next they were laying on the ground in their own blood.

Y/N heard the details later after they respawned. Tommy had apparently been incredibly angry at Techno, even attacking him. Wilbur then offered that the two deal with their argument via a fistfight inside a pit.

Normally Y/N would have yelled at Wilbur for that. Would have told him that this was his dumbest idea yet but they were too shook from what had happened to them.

Technoblade always spelled safety to them but he killed them. Sure, he meant to kill Tubbo but that didn’t really make it any better. They gave him an out, they would have helped fighting off all these people so they could flee.

The next time they saw Techno they flinched every time he got too close to them and yet they still put on a smile “Never, do this again.”

Techno only nodded.

After this downward slope the momentum didn’t seem to stop for them. Wilbur dropped even more and more off. Falling victim to his paranoia. Y/N tried their best convincing him to not blow up Manberg, that they will fight to gain it back. At this point trying to gain back their L’Manberg was the only thing they could hold on to.

Though all that work was for nothing.

The war to take back L’Manberg went way differently than they all had imagined. Y/N fought with a viciousness most didn’t think they had it in them. This was the day for them to finally regain what they had wished for, for the longest time now.

Everything came to a halt once Dream surrendered. He showed them Schlatt who was sitting in the Carmavan. Drunk off his mind he yelled and screamed at people only to die of a heart attack which meant that the Pogtopia faction won.

The people begun cheering, they had their home back! They were free! Y/N was probably the loudest by far. It felt like a huge weight was lifted from their shoulders. All this hardship and they could finally return to working with the others and rebuild L’Manberg. Return it to its former glory.

Tubbo got appointed President and Y/N was happy with it. Tubbo had an eye for building and was a good person, with him they were sure they could do some amazing things.

Apparently Techno thought otherwise. Instead he pulled Soulsand out, holding onto the Wither skulls as a visible threat.

Y/N had somewhat forgiven Techno for what had happened. It was a stressful situation and they acknowledged it but seeing him there, threatening to kill all of them? That they knew they couldn’t forgive quite so easy. Especially since he made some sound points but it was their L’Manberg. The people didn’t like living under Schlatt’s rule, this wasn’t something that could be described simply as a coup. Technically he was right but only technically. There were so many things that came into play that could let you argue over that but Techno would have none of it. Yelling something about Tommy only wanting to be a hero.

When the first explosions rang Y/N thought it came from a Wither but Techno was still in the middle of putting the heads onto the structure.

When more explosions rang and the ground beneath their feet broke away, Y/N understood what had happened.

At some point Wilbur ran off and must have pressed the button. The button that set the TNT beneath the city ablaze, effectively destroying everything.

Y/N was too busy with finding hard ground again and then dealing with the Withers and Techno that they only noticed after the fighting ended, how broken the nation was now.

They had won. Why would Wilbur do this? He knew how much the nation meant to them and again, they had won, so there was no reason for blowing the place up!

And if that wasn’t enough to see how both their older brothers destroyed everything Y/N worked for, they also had to see how Philza, their father, stood next to the corpse of Wilbur. It felt like they lost everything.

They lost their trust in Technoblade.

They lost their hopes and dreams via Wilbur blowing up the freshly liberated L’Manberg.

They lost their trust in their own father who had slain his own son.

Y/N felt absolutely crushed. Family was so important to them and it was their own family that destroyed their hopes and dreams. They did everything for them and this is how they repaid them?

Once everything calmed down and Tubbo begun making plans on how to rebuild the nation, he immediately came to Y/N for help but they hesitated which worried him.

“Is everything okay? Usually you would have jumped on that offer, Y/N.”

Y/N put on a smile that didn’t seem to reach their eyes “Don’t worry Tubbo, of course I’ll help you. I’m just tired from what we have been through. I finally have time to take a breather and I think it all just crashed down on me.”

“Well if you ever need help you can talk to me.” It was an earnest offer that Y/N would never take advantage of.

Y/N mostly ignored Philza. He talked with them a few times and even explained what has happened but Y/N still made a wide berth around him. Seeing him just hammered back down the feeling of distrust and hurt. Their familial relationship took a hard hit from that point on.

With Ghostbur it was a weird situation as well. They enjoyed spending time with him but were also always incredibly sad around him. Ghostbur took notice of this and would always offer them to take some of his blue but Y/N declined every time.

“Don’t worry Ghostbur. Everything is still just fresh in my mind. I’ll be back to my old self in no time. You take care of yourself, you hear?”

“Of course Y/N! You have always looked out for me, thank you.”

L’Manberg slowly took on a proper form again but it wasn’t the L’Manberg Y/N knew. It felt to them like they were standing on top of a grave. A grave for their dreams and it was getting hard, real hard, to walk through it every day seeing places where they know specific buildings should be standing. Buildings they build on their own only to be destroyed by their brothers doing.

Then Tubbo exiled Tommy and Y/N felt conflicted. They felt obligated to stay in L’Manberg since they were the main person people came to for builds but that was their brother. Their only brother they still trusted and felt a need to protect.

Instead of following him into exile they stayed in the city. Visiting Tommy whenever they could, noticing pretty fast that he was struggling hard with his situation and for once they didn’t feel strong enough to properly support him. Y/N tried their best but once they noticed they couldn’t reach him completely they gave up a tiny bit.

It reminded them too much of Wilbur.

So while they visited him and helped them where they could, they spent more and more time alone in their home only coming out for work and other necessary things like food. Soon it was normal to see them with ever present dark circles beneath their eyes.

Before Philza disappeared to join Techno, he would stop by Y/N’s home all the time.

“Have you eaten, yet?”

“Yes, dad. I’m an adult. I can take care of myself.”

“I just haven’t seen you much lately and I got worried.”

“Don’t worry. I’m fine. Hey, if you go out, please, can you tell Ghostbur to stop coming around to throw Blue inside my mailbox? He won’t listen to me but perhaps he will to you.” And they would always carry the same big smile on their face accompanied by empty eyes.

The only time their happiness reached their eyes again was when Tommy returned from his exile. They crashed into their younger sibling holding him close to them and muttering apologies. He pried them off, embarrassed by all of this.

This short bout of happiness was destroyed by Doomsday. Dream, Technoblade and Philza once again made sure to set L’Manberg ablaze.

The second time Y/N’s fruits and labor got completely annihilated by their family but still they had some hopes this time. They still had Tommy on their side they could just finally build a home somewhere else and live in peace but Tommy had other ideas. He had it in his mind to get his discs back and he would do anything for it.

So while Y/N tried to ground themself with new hopes and ideas, holding onto the only constant of what was important to them, that being Tommy, Tommy ignored them. He was too busy with his own things and the worst part was that Y/N couldn’t even fault him for it.

They understood how much these discs meant to him and that this was something that had to come to an end but with this they lost another, and possibly their last, anchor point.

Yet you could still see them running around with a smile, tending to every one and trying to help out the best they could.

Then suddenly they were gone. They just disappeared one day. The few people who took note of that took some time to look around but there was no sign as to where they left. Y/N didn’t take their armor with them nor any weapons or food.

< Y/N succumbed to despair and fell of a high place>

When every ones communicators rung out with this message the SMP fell quiet.

Tommy couldn’t believe what he was reading. This didn’t make any sense. Y/N was fine! They would talk with them and everything looked fine! This must have been a cruel joke from Dream somehow, right? This couldn’t be real. Why would Dream do this? This didn’t seem to make sense.

Exactly there was no sense in Dream doing this.

While Tommy was battling with his thoughts Tubbo came running over to him. Tears streamed down his face.

“What happened? Why did this happen? Where are they?”

Tommy was visibly shaking “I- I have no idea. I don’t know. They looked fine. I’m- I’m not sure. Tubbo-“

Tubbo just slammed into him, giving him a proper hug, trying his best to help Tommy through his rising panic. He lost another sibling and by Ender that hurt.

Meanwhile in the snowy Tundra both Philza and Techno were staring at their communicators as well.

Philza was pale. So pale it almost rivaled the snow around him.

Techno had his brows furrowed. For anyone who didn’t know him well enough he looked at best displeased with this situation but Philza could see the small details that told a different story. Him sucking his breath in as he read the message, hiding his quivering lip in his cloak. He was heartbroken.

Sure the two weren’t on good speaking terms but Y/N was still his younger sibling. He still loved them.

Philza felt similar. He acknowledged that he screwed up and honored their wish to be left alone by him but he never imagined this could lead to their death. His knees buckled and he sank to the ground. Two of his children died, one directly by his hand and the other due to his inaction.

His eyes glossed over, the world became a blur and yet he continued rereading this message over and over. Y/N just lost their last life.

Philza could hear Techno walk closer to him and sat down on the ground as well.

“Y/N is-“ Philza begun but he didn’t know what he wanted to say. State the obvious to his eldest son?

“I have more fault in this than you, dad. Don’t feel guilty.” His voice was uncharacteristically weak. Wavering as he spoke. He wanted to cheer Philza up but it was a weak attempt.

“What have we done.”

Ghostbur was at first confused when he read the message. It was like he couldn’t connect the dots but it slowly dawned on him what this meant.

“Oh my.” His usual happy demeanor was suddenly gone.

He touched his face and as he put his hands back down he saw how they were smeared with blue.

“Y/N is dead?”

His usual ghost behavior seemed to break a bit. It was like through the warped version of Wilbur that was called Ghostbur for a moment the true version of him came through again. And he was hurt. Devastated.

“I think I need to find the others.” He mumbled to himself, making his way towards his family. All the while he held onto the blue wool of Friend like a lifeline. Combing through it nervously. Blue continuing to spill from his eyes.

[myork]

manny's one year + milestone celebration ♡

i’ve never really been big on celebrating anything, even on my prev blog (jimeanour) i never really celebrated any milestones, even the big ones. so i feel like this has been due for a while <3 and i also realised that i completed one year on here from when i started posting my poetry to writing ff and leaving that altogether and settling for creating visual content. whatever it was that made me stay, im glad, because tumblr has become such a huge part of my everyday life. and despite how constantly engaging on a platform online makes me feel drained, stressed and anxious every once in a while, i’m still glad i have this outlet. and you♡ now here’s how i’ve decided to celebrate-

Here are my rules/ categories ♡

‧₊˚ ☆ enter request here 💌 ☆‧₊˚

now for the mutual(s) appreciation ♡ if you’re tagged, there’s a message for you! happy scrolling 🤡🤡these are things ive been wanting to say for a long time okay

@jimilter miss ashible i need to tell u how grateful i am for your support because you truly make me feel so comfortable and safe and appreciated. you’re such a gem and anyone who doesn’t believe it is LYIN!!!!!! truly one of the best people here ☹️💞ily so much thank you for being so annoying ☹️💗

@gukqi nhi i love you. thats it. thats the post. jokes aside im so grateful to have u as my internet husband you’re so talented and sweet and amazing and ilysm you’re so supportive and sometimes i just wanna run over to u to germany🥺💘 you’re truly one of my lifelines here and you make me want to open tumblr even when im discouraged to ☹️💗

@jeongcake tell i love you so much, you’re one of the best things thats ever happened to me and im so grateful to have u. we really do understand each other on a deeper scale and for that im grateful because i never have to hide from you ☹️💞from our jokes to our rare serious talks, im so happy to have u ily 🥺💞

@seokljin emma angel agenda. thats it. you’re literally like the most supportive person ive ever known how do u do it? how can all of that pixie fairy dust fit inside one angel of a human being? i feel like every time i post something esp jin related im like has emma seen this? and then i turn into a shy blushy school girl uwu. anyways if u haven’t translated it all yet- ily ☹️💗 and im so grateful for you.

@jeonqquk ivy my bby™️ you’re seriously such a whore gem ☹️💗ilysm and im so happy i have you. you’re part of my support system here and im so happy i can count on you. you’re really such a fun person. pls believe your gifs are amazing or ill punch u🥰 (dont u dare say kinky)

@joyfulhopelox maria my fav internet mother idk when you’ll see this but know that i love you and im always here for you 💗 thank you for always being there for me, youre truly such an angel. you’re so so amazing and rmr when i used to joke about you being not real? yeah, good times. sending lots of love to you and nugget and always hoping you’re okay💗💘

@usertae the bestest stella to ever exist 💀💀im kidding, i mean the sweetest, warmest, most welcoming person ever. ily celia you’re so nice and helpful and you were one of my first ever giffing mutuals even when i used to post complete trash💀idk what you saw then but just know that im grateful to have you as my mutual for so long and that you really raised in my standards in mutuals 💀🥺💗💘

@parkdatjimin MINDY BESTEST PERSON!! there, i said it 😤 ilysm and your tags JUST *squeals* *clenches fist* make my day ☹️you’re so supportive and im truly lucky to know you 💞💘💕💗

@still-with-koo lilo you call me a sweetheart when you're the biggest one there is ily☹️💖 you're so so sweet and warm and nice and just such a comfort person, im so glad we're mutuals ☹️💖💕

@itsallaboutzayn ESME SWEETEST PERSON AGENDA 😤im not even kidding, you’re so nice and supportive and i love all your asks, you always have so much love to give to people and i can only hope it’s returned tenfold because you deserve it 💕💘💕

@pjmsdior isa wifey i love you so much, you truly are one of the purest souls here and seeing u in my notifs or in my inbox makes so happy ☹️💗 ilyilyilyily

@dokyeomblr elv best elv favourite elv agenda!!!! you’re the nicest sweetest warmest person to exist and seeing u in my inbox or on my dash makes me light up like a christmas tree ☹️💗ily elvie

@jung-koook im so happy im finally getting the chance to say this, but i admire you so much sky. your dedication is commendable and everything you make is always in top tier quality and on top of all that you are so helpful and kind and i rmr getting a heart attack when you followed me 💀im so so grateful for all your help please know that💗💗

@taeyungie i know we just started talking but em, you’ve made me feel so warm and safe and i just, i feel like i could be myself with you. you’re so understanding and you love animals ☹️ the older grandma sister i didn’t know i needed, tho bullying you about it is more fun 🤡💗

@kimtaegis why so nice!!!!!!! hm?????? WHY 👏 SO 👏NICE????? jokes aside, i lurched off my bed when i saw the notification of a certain userkimtaegis-main following me one fine afternoon, and in true disney movie fashion, my life has never been the same. im just kidding ( or am i?🤨) but anyways annie you are so sO SO talented and everything you make is so pretty from coloring to quality everything. i admire you so so much and im so grateful to have you as a mutual 🥺💞💘

@marvelousbangtan sookies mom i hope i spelt that right😭 crystal ilysm your tags on my posts always make me so happy and your gifs are stunning and on top of all that youre so so so nice :(((((((((((💘💞💘im so happy we're mutuals :(

@gimbapchefs idk when you’ll see this 😭😭 nat *calls for a manhunt* but im so glad im mutuals with you ☹️you’re such a fun person, unproblematic person and i love interacting with you so much. im still so so grateful for the ptd in seoul stream, you gave me such an amazing opportunity and i’ll probably always be grateful for it and never ever forget it 💗i hope you’re doing well, hope to see you on my dash soon with your amazing gifs. imy ☹️💗

@jiminswn you’re really gonna make me repeat my giffing classes agenda huh 😔 jokes aside, miss alice im a fangirl. there i said it ☹️ you have the prettiest 16k ultra hd gifs and your colouring is gorgeous 😭😭ive been following u for so long, even before i started giffing and sometimes even now i wonder how u do it 🥺💗 any time i see u in my notifs, i get butterflies okay? ☹️💞

@min-boongie apart from being so pretty inside out *sobs* you're so nice reka and so so helpful. i meant what i said all those days ago, i look up to your content so much, your colouring is always so beautiful☹️💗💞💞💘

@heybaetae i was so scared to do this but miss kelli apart from your content that is prettiest in all the land with all the pretty colours and the highest quality sharpening, i feel like i actually screamed like a fangirl when you followed me back, more so when you rbed a set of mine with “#TALENT” yeah, im gonna get that laminated 😔

@rkivedfiles miss erl i love your gifs so much and your coloring is just so pretty and distinct i feel like i can recognise it from a mile away💗im so happy im mutuals with you :( you’re so nice and i still go back to look at that jimin set you made me ☹️💗

@hannahbee12719 miss hannah i think you’re literally nicest person ever😭 your tags make me feel so warm and appreciated and im so so grateful that im mutuals with you. i love and respect you so much 🥺☹️💗💘💕🥺

@hobeah flo ik you must be a little confused because we’ve interacted but also not too much but you HAVE to know how much i love your gifs. truly top tier content with the prettiest colouring and the quality just blows my mind even on the app 🥺💗

@userjiminie i had to tag you okay? i love love love your gifs so much miss rafa and you’re also so talented like esp your pinned post 😭 how do u do it☹️💗seeing your tags on my posts just makes my day okay? and you saying u like my content made me sob for 17 miniutes 😔🤧💕

@minieggukie apart from being the jikook™️ blog on here, miss kris i tagged u because i wanted you to know that you just have a very pretty coloring style okay? 🥺💕it just so soft and pretty and you even manage to gif lq videos so well 🤧 we don’t interact but pls know that i love your gifs so so much and i actually squealed when u followed me back *sniffs*

@sugajimin i tagged you because i wanted you to know that you have amazing gifs and your a-z with jimin is my fav thing on this hellsite 😭 and even your gfx are amazing!! you’re really so so talented, the quality of your gifs just makes me gasp sometimes, thank you for following me back 😭💞

@rosebowl miss sharika you just seem like a very cool person okay? your gifs are really really pretty and i just love looking at your 100days of seokjin series ☹️i hope you’ve been well 🤧💕

@kth1 miss maggie i know we don’t interact much but i needed u to know that i really really love your gifs <3 your coloring is vv pretty and your gifs are always in such high quality ☹️🥺💗

@sopev we’ve never interacted that much but miss daphne i tagged you to let you know that 1) idk how many times i’ve opened your blog to stare at your header 2) your gifs are stunning. stunning. period. they’re so colourful and so hq ☹️💕💘

@taechnological miss sae you’re just very cool okay? there i said it 😔 but apart from being so funny and cool i think you’re just a really great person to interact with and i absolutely love all your threads, your dedication is so so appreciated ☹️💗💕

@textsfrombangtan how does it feel to be the funniest, most iconic person on this hellsite? 😔 you have to know that i love your tags so much 🤧 and i sometimes stalk all your posts because your memes just make me really happy okay? ☹️ily hope you’re taking care of your (iconic) self 💗 or else 😤💪

@jinv my tag for you is coloring genius valeinstein💀 and rightfully so because miss val your coloring is truly something else, i got a bit dizzy when u started following me because ive been admiring you and your (amazing) content from afar for so long ☹️🥺💞💕

@cherryvmin kheer my darling, the absolute queen of moodboards i miss interacting with you but you have to know that i love your content so much and you’re really just so so nice and warm it melts my heart ☹️💗💘💕

@jiminie-and-his-pinky-finger nani my bb how are you 🥺💗i hope you’re doing okay. i tagged u to know that i love you and im so happy to be mutuals with you for so long 💗💘 anytime we interact, it fills me with so much warmth because you’re truly such a sweetheart ☹️💗

@jimijimimie pristine my darling imy okay? ily☹️💘 you’re so so talented and your tags on my posts just muah 💋 i hope you’ve been well, just know that im always here for you 💗💗

@tekootine val my baby i hope you’re okay ily so so much 💗☹️ you’re a total sweetheart whos so talented and im so happy whenever we interact because seeing you in my inbox brings the biggest smile on my face 💘💞 you’re just very precious okay? 🥺😭💕

@softbobamilktae zee i hope you know how much i appreciate you. we’ve been mutuals for quite a while now and i hope you know im so grateful for your support esp during that time in my dms 💗 you’re also so relatable in your tps omg 😳💞

@introlxv onyx bb we haven’t talked properly in so long but i just want to tell u that i love and appreciate you so much 💗☹️youre so fucking talented and amazing and im so happy i know you 💗💕💞pls never forget that 🥺💗

@moonsclover ahana my adopted bb ilysm and you're truly such a sweetheart i love love love your moodboards so much and anytime i see you in my inbox, it just brightens up my day by x323239💘💗💕

@fluffyydumplings fluffy i know we’ve completely stopped interacting but pls know that im so happy we’re still mutuals and that you’re so so talented and your voice oml is beautiful(i just remembered your narration(?) for that one fic). i hope you’ve been well 💗

@vopegist kyo dough i love u. thanks for coming to my ted talk. im just kidding, ik we haven’t talked in a while but just know that ily and am always here for you titty 💀☹️💗🥺

@rkivian miss kiri you’re such a fun person and im so glad we’ve been mutuals for so long ☹️ you really stole my heart when u dmed me all those months ago hskdjsks besides everything, i really love it when you tag me in games okay? makes me feel connected to you even tho its been so long since we interacted ☹️💗

@parkjiminxfloor jans idk when you’ll see this bb but know that ily and im forever grateful for your support🥺💞thank you for all your sweet asks and tags, they always make my day 💗💗you’re amazing 💫

@alpacaseok star we just became mutuals but know that i really appreciate you and you’re just really a very sweet, supportive person 🥺💞

@thornedswan ik we’ve barely interacted but pls know im always so so grateful for you reblogging my gifs 💗

@cosyserendipity sonjaaa you’re so so sweet and i think i already told you this but im always so so grateful for your reblogs 🥺💗 and that the fact that you tag me in games, i love those!💘💗💞

@crispy-chan jas my absolute darling favourite baby ever 🥺💗i love you so so much and i miss you and our conversations a lot ☹️💗 youre such an amazing person and on top of all that you’re literally so talented and sweet. i hope you’re taking care of your precious self (hows apple 💀💗) miss you and love you tons pls know that i tagged u last so that u could find yourself amongst all these bts blogs 😭

[trylobite]

currents, part one

                                        journal entry # 42

                     may 3, 1998 - 4 days before graduation

looking back on the countless hours spent loving and being loved by pj these last two years, i never imagined things would end like this. i never thought i would end things like this.  

we have been fighting more and more recently. he thinks im unhappy, everyone thinks im unhappy. fuck, even i thought i was unhappy with him for a while, but I don’t think that’s it. It may sound totally juvenile and cliche, but I think im too happy with pj, and its becoming so terrifying. why are the best things always so fucking terrifying?

the love we share is bursting from my every seam and that’s why i can’t continue. i love him so much, so truly but, after days of contemplation i’ve concluded that despite being surrounded by all this love, i feel so dejected. i want to be a good person and love people with my entire soul, and right now, i don’t fucking know anything, especially not the importance of loving and cherishing someone else for all that they are. thats what i do know.

i dont think it insane of me to say that i don’t want to look back on this relationship years from now, having not ended it, and us both be miserable.

the devastating thing is, if that were the outcome, i don’t think he would leave me like im about to leave him. he’s too selfless. i don’t want to do it, truly i don’t. i don’t want to murder his spirit in the process of figuring out who i am, but is it nobler to sacrifice myself for the man i love the most and never be able to give him the love he deserves in return?

maybe that was too poetic, but dear journal, i really mean it.

i know what i must do, it was bound to happen. i just can’t let myself hurt him anymore. i know that once im gone, he will be happier.

—— october 30, 2000 ——

i breathe in deeply letting the crisp, autumn, pennsylvania air fill my lungs.

ever since graduation ive been up north in the glum state of maine trying to connect with myself. i tried college up there for a few weeks but dropped out because all it was doing was adding to the stress and heartbreak i was putting myself through.

inever told anyone where i was going, just my parents so they could send money every now and then. but to everyone else, i sort of…disappeared.

i spent most of my time in maine with my neighbor, edith. shes this feisty little hippie lady in her mid 60’s, and she took me in when i was at my lowest. edith runs a quaint little bakery in town, which she sort of manipulated me into working at, but to be honest i’ve never minded. she has a luxurious garden thats full of herbs and spices used in her shop. we have spent many hours back there in her garden just talking, crying, laughing,. she taught me so much about the mysterious ways humans live and adjust. she would tell me stories from her life that taught her about empathy, love, betrayal, and remorse. i’ve learned a lot from ole edith and for that i will forever be in her debt.

edith is actually the one who convinced me to come back after all this time, to my home town. i didnt want to, for reasons obvious to both edith and i, but as i hinted at before, once edith wants something shes relentless. she told me to come and visit for a few days over halloween weekend, and if it was horrible i could give her a call and she would buy my train ticket back immediately. i reluctantly packed my bags and rang my parents to tell them the news.

so here i am, in the backseat of my family car that we have had since I was 10 years old, I can still smell the cigarette smoke from when my mom was an avid chain smoker in the early 90’s. i have the window down letting the sharp, icy wind swirl my hair all about my face. my headphones are blaring against my ears so loud that im almost positive my parents could hear the music over the wind. i’ve been playing matchbox twenty’s “yourself or someone like you” album on repeat the entire train ride here, and I don’t know if it’s the nauseating loneliness in rob thomas’ voice blasting into my head for hours or if it’s the weight that these familiar streets carry but im starting to feel very anxious and lightheaded the closer we get to home.

i let go of a shaky breath i didn’t know i was holding as we pass the skate park me and the boys spent a million nights at fucking around, smoking, getting drunk. i would always complain when steve brought his “magic dust”, but pj always promised if anything happened, he would make sure i was taken care of. bam and ryan always just laughed in my face and told me to loosen up, fucking assholes.  

bam margera has been my best friend ever since i can remember. we grew up next door to one another, and with no other neighboring houses being as close as ours are, it was inevitable that we would become attached at the hip. we would always hunt for bugs and crawfish down in the creek by my house and use them to scare his mom, april. i remember when ryan dunn moved to west chester, it was like our team was finally complete. we were literally the three musketeers, and no one could separate us. my mom always hated the fact her sweet little angel was being turned rotten by some gross little boys, but i think she grew to love them as much as i did over the years. our parents thought that once we hit puberty the three of us would naturally fall apart, but i think the awkwardness and uncomfortable changes of puberty only brought us closer. our interests obviously did start to differentiate more, like bam and ryan got into skating and bmx, and i got more into reading and writing, but it never caused a rift. they were my brothers, until the very end. until i left.  

i remember the day they introduced me to the rest of their friends. i only ever hung out with bam and ryan on our own, but i knew of their other friends through the stories they would tell me. that day bam and ryan said they were going to take me to the skate park to show me this “gnarly trick” that bam had finally mastered.

i always found it amusing because the guys absolutely refused to go to the actual skate park in town, we always went to this abandoned pool in the outskirts of the suburb that bam had declared their territory the beginning of freshman year.

i wanted to be supportive of his hobbies, so i went willingly, but turns out there was no trick and i had been lied to. i was greeted by many new faces that day, one being a face i will never forget.

i shake the memory of our first meeting from my mind as my dad pulls into the driveway. the lawn is decorated with the ghost decorations the boys and i made years ago for a halloween bonfire. i frown at the memory, wishing i could get amnesia to forget all these good things ive left behind. as i step out of the car my shoes make a squishy noise against the orange and yellow leaves that have fallen into the driveway. there are puddles soaking the pavement, turning it into a dark and depressing gray. mom told me over the phone yesterday about all the rain they have been getting lately. seems like even the weather in west chester was preparing for my arrival.

i look over to bams house and try to suppress the ache bubbling up in my chest. i don’t want to be here; I feel like my happiness is being slowly sucked out through ribs.

ever since i left this shitty little town ive been able to grow and become a better version of myself but being back has already started to affect me. i don’t want to revert back to the person that ive worked so hard to let go of, i want to be free from that life and those mistakes.

the whipping of birds playing above my head pulls me from my internal monologue and with my head hung low, i creep up the driveway. my hand touches the ice-cold knob, but something stops me from entering. I can’t put my finger on what exactly, but then I hear it, the faint rhythmic buzzing from the bass of someone’s car getting closer and closer. my eyes fly to the top of the hill near the end of the street, and I can feel my heart start beating harder and a knot growing larger in my stomach. for a split second i can’t differentiate between the bass vibrating the air around me and the deafening knocking of my heart at my ears. as the car came barreling down the street, my body starts to weaken and i feel as if all my bones have been replaced with jello.

they were in chris’s van, and they were listening to some weird band that bam was obsessed with (if i had to guess) on the loudest volume possible and with all of the windows down. i knew i needed to stop looking and go inside before I got caught, but something about seeing them acting so…normal…without me wouldn’t allow me to look away. however, that feeling is soon washed away by a tender ache piercing through my chest.

the pout on my lips is suddenly replaced with an emotionless, cold expression as i spot pj in the back seat. despite the look on my face, my heart has never felt so sore. his warmth is radiating through the car’s windows, and i feel like i can almost hear his rich, gravelly voice ringing in my ears. I can still remember the way his cologne would mix around in the air and fill my lungs with pine and cigarette smoke. I can still feel his soft palm and calloused fingers brushing along my lips and cheek, and his soft pink lips dancing over my jaw and down my neck. this is all too much.

as they pull into the driveway next door, i watch them file out of the van and into the garage. I take a second scanning over all of them, seeing new tattoos and new injuries. they were all there, from what i could see. chris, steve, ehren, dave, ryan, bam, and pj.

when I finally give my eyes permission to look at pj, i am met with those beautiful dark brown pools, that once held so much admiration for me. they were now full of confusion and anger.

it took me a second to even realize he had noticed me and from that point on all i could focus on was escaping the situation. i swing my backpack over my shoulder and rush for the front door, but by the time i pass through the threshold of my childhood home, full of so many memories, i knew the secret was already out.

© blackjello, 2022

[milkacchan]

Request for anon: Hi!!!! i love our writing and i just knew you could do this! Could you do one with a father Aizawa and a gender nuetral chil reader, who is jealous of Midoriya. Because when Midoriya harnesses his quirk Aizawa be happy dadzawa but when the reader was like 6 or 7 and harnessed theirs he said like " Work harder." Or the world won't want a weak hero and stuff and thats why they hate Midoriya and stuff? IT IS SOO FINE OF YOU CANT!! THANKS <3

•Midoriya is nice.

• He's /so/ fucking nice

• He has a nice smile

• His freckles are nice

• His attitude is great

• He goes out of his way to make sure people are okay

• Which makes it worse and pisses you off more.

• You've been jealous of him for awhile- please he's the center of attention for everyone

• But that isn't your problem

• He's the center of attention for your own dad.

• At least it seemed that way.

• Shota Aizawa, your father, was a teacher at U.A.

• He was bound to get attached to students, that's what teachers are supposed to do

• But..it felt like you were on the back burner and not enough

• when you develop your quirk, you dad gives you a speech

• You're first sucess with your quirk, your father tells you to work harder

• And that's all it ever is

• "work harder"

• "you should be farther along by now,"

• "this isn't a joke, why are you treating it that way?"

• there wasn't a good job or a congrats or praise

• But there was with midoryia

• who got all of it.

• he got good jobs and impresseds

• He got way to go kid and that was smart

• At the beginning of the year you liked him

• He was friendly and funny and he seemed like a cool dude

• He was a cool dude and you hated him- yourself even more for that

• You couldn't ever hate him, not truly.

• Not even when your father praised him, took him under his wing, focused on him

• Even shinsou- you didn't hate him. You were great friends with him.

• But Midoriya irked you, even if you couldn't find it in you to talk behind his back or fuck him over

• Your jealousy for the boy only grew as your fathers praise to him grew and his words to you grew distanced.

• And yet you still thrived for the man's approval

• You wanted to be recognized

• You wanted validation

• You wanted praise and approval.

• You wanted love.

• You stopped speaking to Midoriya, completely. The poor boy didn't deserve a blow up from you, it wasn't his fault.

• Contact to him stopped. His conversation muted unless it was to the class Group Chat

• Your seat? Unfortunately still near him, was no longer an issue if you just ignored his presence

• If your group was hanging put with him that day, you'd skip with some dumb homework excuse.

• No one said anything

• Aside from shinsou that is.

• The smart-ass always had something to say

• "You can't just ignore your problems forever."

"I'm not, till talking to you."

"Funny. But seriously. He's going to question it if he hasn't already. Word gets around.."

• In all seriousness, shinsous worried. He's really worried.

• He's watching you distance yourself from people, from midoryia- hell the only reason the two of you still talk on a daily basis is because he forces it.

• You don't mind, of course, he know that. You did the same to him when his mental health had declined.

• But he sees you're doing it for validation

• Amd he knows Aizawas words aren't malicious. You're his kid, he's worried and wants you to survive over anyone else.

• Doesn't mean how he's going about it is right.

• and it isn't long before you start taking physical training to the max too.

• After class you train for hours until dinner.

• Sometines you miss it; sometimes you don't get home until much later.

• One day in particular though, you start training on a Saturday morning

• He tells you to be smart, keep hydrated and take breaks before he leaves for the day

• Only to come back at dusk to you still training

• "Quirks are currency shinsou,"

"That doesnt-"

"I have to get stronger, no one's going to want a weak hero"

"Y/N please- you've been out here all day. It's hot and muggy and you've barley eaten anything. You need breaks. You can't be a strong pro hero if you die of heat exhaustion." He takes your arm and pulled it down from the punching bag. "You're worrying me."

"I'm not strong enough," you mumble. "Dads right,"

• Eventually Midoriya starts to question why you're ignoring him

• He doesn't think he's done anything wrong

• Maybe he said the wrong thing? But what even is the wrong thing? What could he have said?

• After one particularly rough morning, you're struggling with something

• You're already pissed and ready for the day to be over.

• And it's only 10 in the fucking morning

• And Midoriya, desperate to heal what he once had with a friend (you), walks over to help

"Hey," he starts. "You look like you need some help?"

You pause, glancing in his direction for only a moment. "Go sit down," You mutter.

"I just want to help-"

"I don't need your fucking help. You are the LAST thing I need," you snap. "Who the fuck would /ever/ need you?" You grab your bag and shove him back, leaving the classroom.

The class quiets.

• Midoriya didn't deserve it, no. You knew that.

• You also knew that you weren't in the place to go back to school, so you didn't.

• You took the day off, wandering the streets of your prefecture

• Shinsous blowing up your phone

• Katsuki is too.

• Katsukis upset, you would be too if someone spoke to your friend that way

• Everyone else is too on edge to text you, they're worried though.

• Of course, they go to Aizawa.

• They tell him what happened and how you've been acting

• And he nods quietly and says he'll take care of it.

• Shinsou finally finds you at the Cafe you frequent and he quietly sits across from you

• "you should be in school," you mumble

"So should you."

It's quiet for a few moments before you speak again. "I think I'm going to leave U.A. Mom lives in Miyagi, they've got some nice highschools there. I talked to her over the phone last night."

"What? What no, you can't?"

"Why not, Hitoshi?"

"Because you're a hero-"

"I'm not. I'm not a fucking hero. I haven't made any successes while I've been here, I haven't developed anything, Dad was right."

"You dad was wrong. He's wrong. He's- He's worried one day you're not going to come home. Or when you do you won't be in one piece, so he's pushing you and pushing you," he took your hand gently. "You're strong. You're going to be a great hero. You've already accomplished more than you know."

"I blew up at Midoriya today," you slide him your drink and he takes a sip.

"I know." He nods. "But that's okay, we can deal with it later." He squeezed your hand.

"Yeah, later,"

• It's very much later by the time you reach your dorm.

• The day Shinsou moved to the 1A dorms was the day you'd rejoice

• Your bag is tossed to the side and you make your way to the kitchen and freeze.

• Aizawa is sitting at the table, facing you.

"Your friends are worried about you,"

Yous scoff. "Yeah I'm sure they are."

"Midoryias worried about you."

"I really don't care."

"You shouldn't have snapped at him." Aizawa sighs.

"Thats-" you take a deep breath. Of course he only cared about Midoriya. "Typical." You move to the fridge to get something to drink.

"I..apologize," he begins. "'It's come to my attention that I haven't exactly been the best father to you since your mother left,"

"You think?" You muttered.

"I'm worried. I'm scared."

You look up at him.

"The world is cruel. And I've lost so many students to hero work in the years I've taught, I wouldn't be able to handle it if I lost you to. But it seems I'm already down the path." He stood up and walked over to you. "You're my kid, I love you more than the moon and the stars, I want you to stay safe. Above everyone else, above all else, I want you to come home." He kisses your forehead.

"It'd be nice to get a good job every once in awhile. Everyone else does." You mutter, looking down.

"You are doing great, you know. I don't say it nearly enough but you impress me everyday."

• It's...a little awkward after that, neither of you know how to process emotion so after two days you just pretend like it never happened

• You quietly apologize to Midoriya and wall away before he can respond before pretending like that didn't happen either

• You're not expecting him to want to be your friend

• But he's very adamant on texting you, inviting you out, walking with you you to class

• 1A becomes whole again

• But Shota does ease up, you get the good jobs, the praise, the validation

• And you eat it up to be frank, you fucking love it.

[faeriwon]

↻ late nights w/ enhypen - sim jaeyun

pairing ; sim jaeyun x gn!reader

genre ; fluff

synopsis ; late night dates with every enhypen boy

warnings ; mentions of food, tooth rotting fluff

wc ; around 600

“oh, i like the green on you” your boyfriend pointed out your semi-wet nails with a smile. you continued clumsily opening the car door, not wanting to ruin the polish you’d just worked so hard on. “i like the stained sweats.” you giggled back at jaeyun, getting a fake pout in return. “its because you make me feel comfortable!” he grinned, you let out a sarcastic scoff. “guess i’ve got to stop letting you feel like that.” you teased your boyfriend who couldn’t hold the loud laughter back. once you had gotten comfortable in the car and jaeyun helped you putting on your seatbelt. he ‘couldn’t just let you ruin your pretty little nails’ is what he said when he was reaching over your body.

“you should be nicer to me, since im in charge of our date and stuff.” jaeyun looked smug while keeping his eyes at the road ahead of him. your head snapped at his direction, your brows furrowed deeply and a pout making its way on your lips. “date? you asked me out on a date with my duckie pj’s and wet nails?” you questioned the boy, confusion evident on your face.

“yes,” your boyfriend quickly looked at you, his eyes wide with adoration, “it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing or how you look. i just want to spend some quality time with the person i love!” he proudly smiled at you. his hand, that had by now inched itself onto your thigh, gave you a reassuring squeeze.

“i love you too.” you beamed.

jaeyun smoothly drove into the mcdonald’s drive through. you could never keep your eyes off him when he was driving, the way the streetlights reflected in his eyes had you enthralled. “i’m in charge of the date so ill order for you, s’that okay?” you just nodded at him, excited at getting free food from your boyfriend. which had basically become the norm when you’re with jaeyun, he said it was because he ‘loved to spoil you’. but these simple gestures still got you nearly bouncing from excitement in your seat.

after jaeyun ordered an extensive amount of food for the both of you, paid and received the food, he drove you two to a nearby empty parking lot.

“let’s sit in the back, i brought blankets and pillows.” he smiled at you while unbuckling his seatbelt. he got out of the car, jogged towards your side and openend the door for you to get out. you gave him a quick kiss as a thanks before getting yourself comfortable. jaeyun cuddled up next to you, the bag filled with food in his hand. you were quick to sink into the pillows and wrap yourself and jaeyun into the blankets, sitting close to one another. he played your shared playlist on the radio before giving you your food.

“eat up.” he smiled at you before pinching the fat of your left cheek between his fingers and shoving a fry into your mouth. the two of you enjoyed the food and each others company, giggling at one another’s jokes.

after you don’t know how long, your head had settled on jaeyuns shoulder and his left was now slightly dangling off of yours. he was smoothing down your hair while whispering sweet nothings at you. you “moments like these make me realise that you’re the best thing thats ever happened to me.” you looked up at your boyfriend. him returning you his signature smile. “me too.” he sighed out, letting his head rest on yours.

masterlist

perm.tags ; [ @maiwon @acciomylove @hiqhkey @vantxx95 @chirokookie @laiverose @svgasluvr @enhacolor @bolliwon ]