#every drawing has spock in it sorry but im really not

[shigeoreum]

star trek tos doodles so far!

[soulwounds-a]

RELATIONSHIP / CONNECTIONS  CALL  !      /     because  everyone  else  seems  on  this  band  wagon  so  i  thought ,  hey ,  why  not !     i  could  always  use  more  stuff  for  all  my  characters !    just  hit  that  like  or  comment  or  just  IM  me  if  you’re  interested�� in  anything !

LINK     :     22 ,  human  (  prev .  hylian  ) ,  male ,  asexual .

ROMANTIC  RELATIONSHIP  /  OPEN      :      while  i  am  partial  to  some  loz  ships  (  particularly  link/zelda  but  also  link/midna  &  link/malon  )   &  would  lean  towards  those  if  we  got  those  characters ,  i’m  also  not  against  simply  shipping  link  with  someone  he  meets  here  if  there’s  good  chemistry !     he’s  ace ,  sexuality  wise ,  but  for  sure  demi  romantic .   he  can  fall  hard  for  people  he  gets  close  to ,  male  or  female ,  he’ll  get  some  massive  heart  eyes .   plus ,  he’ll  defend  you  on  pain  of  death  always  if  he  has  to . PLATONIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      link  is  literally  the  softest  boy   &   deserves  all  the  friends  i  beg  of  you !    he’s  extremely  kind   &   very  easy  to  befriend .   literally  if  you’re  just  nice  to  him  he’ll  consider  you  a  friend  after  like  5  seconds   &  would  fight  god  with  a  stick  for  you  if  you  asked .

ROWENA  MACLEOD    :    300+   (  appears  roughly  40  ) ,  witch ,  female ,  pansexual .    (  @evliskank  )

 ROMANTIC  RELATIONSHIP  /  OPEN      :      open ,  yes ,  but  rowena  is  far  more  for  playful  flirting   &   meaningless  flings .    this  doesn’t  mean  i’m  against  a  serious  relationship  for  her  completely !    especially  after  this  event  as  rowena  will  be  losing  memory  of  most  of  her  life  including  when  the  man  who  would  be  crowley’s  father  broke  her  heart   &   caused  her  view  of  love  as  weakness .    so ,  she  won’t  despise  the  thought  of  being  in  love .   however ,  as  her  memories  slowly  come  back  she’ll  become  more  callous  towards  it . PLATONIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      want  a  powerful  witch  friend  to  gossip  with ?   say  no  more .    rowena  isn’t  easy  to  befriend ,  however ,  but  it’s  not  impossible .   if  you’re  interested ,  we’ll  work  something  out ! ENEMIES  /  OPEN      :      rowena  makes  a  lot  more  unfriendly  relationships  than  she  does  friends .    if  you  guys  want  a  rivalry  that’d  be  awesome !    plus ,  we  can  even  look  into  a  frienemies  kinda  deal  if  you’re  into  that ,  too .

JESSE  TURNER    :    20 ,  cambion  (  half  human ,  half  demon  )  +  the  antichrist ,  male ,  homosexual .   (  @anitchrist  )

ROMANTIC  RELATIONSHIP  /  CLOSED      :      sorry ,  boys ,  the  antichrist  is  taken !    or  he  will  be .    loey  &   i  have  a  plotted  ship  to  come  for  jesse   &   jack  kline . PLATONIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      jesse  is  pissy ,  emo ,  sarcastic ,  &  a  down  right  loner   . . .   please ,  force  friendship  on  him .   i’m  especially  here  for  him  being  befriended  by  someone  who’s  all  sunshine  &  rainbows !    that  dynamic  would  be  great .     plus ,  who  doesn’t  wanna  be  friends  with  the  antichrist ,  am  i  right ? ENEMIES  /  OPEN      :      it’s  not  like  he  means  to  make  a  lot ,  but  jesse  can  be  off  putting  to  some  people .    particularly  this  is  open  to  anyone  who  plays  demons .    jesse ,  though  half  demon ,  hates  demonkind   &   thinks  them  pathetic   &   obnoxious .     he  wants  them  to  leave  him  alone .

THE  COLT    :    183  (  appears  roughly  early  30s  ) ,  human  (  humanized  gun  ) ,  male ,  pansexual .   (  @dustsanything  )

 ROMANTIC  RELATIONSHIP  /  OPEN      :      he’s  still  learning  about  being  human   &   feelings  like  this  but  i’d  be  very  entertained  to  see  him  in  a  relationship  tbh .     if  you  like  cowboys  who  used  to  be  literal  guns   &   have  a  slight  god  complex  then  i’ve  got  good  news !  PLATONIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      him   &   friends  he  makes  are  usually  amusing .   not  much  to  say  on  it  . . .  but  also  if  your  character  wants  some  protection  i’d  recommend  him .   he  doesn’t  play  games  in  defending  people  he  likes ,  usually ,  &  he’s  the  most  powerful  gun  in  the  world .   he’s  good  to  have  on  your  side .  ENEMIES  /  OPEN      :      probably  mostly  for  supernatural  creatures ,  seeing  as  he’s  sometimes  salty  towards  them ,  &  he’s  whats  made  to  kill  them .   plus ,  he’s  a  hitman  it’s  his  job !   he’s  bound  to  have  made  some  enemies .

AZAZEL    :    10,000+  (  appears  around  50s  ) ,  demon  (  prince  of  hell  ) ,  male ,  pansexual .   (  @yellweyes  )

 ROMANTIC  RELATIONSHIP  /  OPEN      :      uh  . . .   i  mean  i  guess  if  you’re  into  . . .  horrible  asshole  demons .    don’t  expect  anything  super  healthy  though .  PLATONIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      there  are  people  who  will  amuse  him   &   he’ll  choose  to  spend  time  around  them  for  that .   doesn’t  mean  he  cares  much  or  he’ll  do  much  for  you   . . .   but  he  likes  having  friends  for  entertainment .  ENEMIES  /  OPEN      :      look  he’s  terrible  he’ll  make  enemies  with  everyone .

OBI-WAN  “BEN”  KENOBI    :    40 ,  human  (  force  sensitive  ) ,  male ,  asexual .     (  @jedirelic  )

 ROMANTIC  RELATIONSHIP  /  OPEN      :      it’s  gonna  be  hard  for  him .    especially  seeing  as  he’s  A.  ace  as  hell   &   B.  has  the  jedi  code  still  very  imprinted  in  his  lifestyle .   plus  he’s  just  mega  depressed  from  a  lot   . . .   i  will  say ,  though ,  he  can  playfully  flirt  like  no  one’s  business .    there’s  not  much  meaning  ever  behind  it ,  but  he  thinks  flirting  is  fun .    he’s  a  master  at  flirting  but  has  the  romance  skill  of  a  bent  spoon .  PLATONIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      god  he’s  so  sad  he  needs  friends  again .   all  his  friends  are  dead  please  befriend  him  he’s  so  so  kind  he’s  just  tired  bc  the  world  hurt  him .

CAPTAIN  JAMES  KIRK    :    27 ,  human ,  male ,  bisexual .   (  @flvbov  )

 ROMANTIC  RELATIONSHIP  /  OPEN-ISH      :      i  say  ish  because  i’m   . . .   i’ve  been  playin  lowkey  but  tbh  spirk  is  everything  to  me   &   i’d  die  if  we  got  a  spock .    but  like  i’ll  think  about  it   . . .   he’ll  flirt  too  he’s  flirty .    so  flings  are  for  sure  something  we  can  talk  about  or  friends  with  benefits .  PLATONIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      he’s  SUCH  a  good  friend   &   he  loves  just  having  fun  honestly ?    he’s  very  interested  in  this  place  as  it  is  200  years  in  the  past  for  him .   he’s  excitable   &   fun .   kinda  like  a  puppy .

MERLIN    :    1,500+  (  appears  mid - late  twenties  ) ,  sorcerer ,  male ,  bisexual .   (  @magicitslf  )

 ROMANTIC  RELATIONSHIP  /  CLOSED      :      if  yall  don’t  think  him   &   arthur  are  endgame  as  all  get  out  then  i’ve  news  for  you .    merlin  can  be  flirty ,  though !    he  can  be  a  saucy  minx .    i  mean  just  watch  the  show  he’s  a  dumbass  but  i’m  pretty  sure  every  character  on  that  show  was  at  least  a  little  in  love  w/  merlin . PLATONIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      be  the  sweet  magic  boy’s  friend .    if  you’re  earth ,  you’ve  probably  heard  of  merlin  as  arthurian  legend  is  big  too .    also ,  this  goes  heavy  for  anyone  with  magic .   looking  at  you ,  hp  characters !    there’s  also  not  a  lot  he  wouldn’t  do  for  his  friends .    OH  ALSO  WITH  ANYONE  WHO  HAS  A  MUSE  THAT’S  A  PERSONIFIED  DRAGON !    bc  ik  there  are  some  got  dragons  around .    merlin  is  a  dragon  lord ,  basically  he’s  able  to  speak  in  the  dragon  tongue   &   can  command  dragons  when  he  does   &   the  cant  disobey  him .   he  loves  them .     ENEMIES  /  OPEN      :      are  you  someone  who  uses  magic  for  ill  will ?   guess  what !    merlin  isn’t  going  to  like  you .    he’s  also  got  strong  opinions   &   a  big  mouth  so  if  he  doesn’t  like  something  you’re  doing  you’ll  know .

HENRY  JEKYLL  /  EDWARD  HYDE    :    37 ,  human ,  male ,  heterosexual  but  this  could  change  idk .   (  @viceindulged  )

 ROMANTIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      he’s  married  to  science  but  he’s  also  a  sweet  man   . . .   well .   henry  is  nice .    scratch  that ,  he’s  kind  of  an  absolute  disaster  of  a  human  being  but  he’s  trying  his  best .   &   then  there’s  hyde  his  counterpart  who  is    . . .   just  plain  terrible .   for  sure  a  ship  with  him  would  be  angsty  as  all  get  out .    he’s  a  bit  terrified  of  loving  people ,  what  with  hyde  coming  out  on  his  own  now .  PLATONIC  RELATIONSHIPS  /  OPEN      :      he  needs  some  friends  to  support  him .   there’s  also  a  million   &   ten  plots  we  can  draw  up  for  them  discovering  about  hyde  &   trying  to  help  him  through  this  because  it’s  driving  him  insane  almost   &   tearing  him  apart .    he  just  really  needs  some  support .    also  if  y’all  have  any  sadistic  muses !   you  can  also  be  friends  with  hyde ! ENEMIES  /  OPEN      :      when  i  say  enemies  i  mean  people  who  meet  hyde  before  meeting  jekyll .    jekyll’s  nice ,  doesn’t  make  a  lot  of  people’s  bad  lists ,  but  hyde  is  horrid .   people  who  meet  hyde  can  hate  him   &   then  it  leads  for  a  ton  of  confusion  when  meeting  poor  jekyll  later   &   it  has  him  deal  with  the  repercussions  as  he’s  always  cleaning  up  hyde’s  messes .    enemies  also  work  for  people  who  end  up  befriending  hyde  also  being  enemies  to  jekyll .    most  people  who  are  an  enemy  of  one  will  be  friend  to  another .    there’s  also  the  idea  that  someone  thinks  he’s  just  unstable   &   unsafe  so  he  needs  to  go  altogether .

[spockandawe]

So you’ve heard Spock is the actual literal devil

Have you heard that I’m a terrible person? A plagiarist? Have you been told that I’m only into transformers at all because I wanted to make this one random guy unhappy? If you’ve been told that, you’ve probably also been told that a year and a half later, I’m still making fanworks just to upset him. You might have even heard that shhhh, don’t disagree with Spock on anything, or they’ll hunt you down and harass you.

Right, okay. This is one hell of a saga that I will attempt to tell in as compressed a form as possible. It’s a lot. Years ago, back in HS, there was this one guy who policed the hell out of one of the character tags. I’m going to call him C. He’d pressure people not to make the content they were making, decry the hateful people reading with a malicious eye who thought the character would ever do anything bad (the character was a creep). And because being obnoxious wasn’t bad enough, if you didn’t cave to his demands, he just might do things like start whisper campaigns about how you support rape, casually out you as a survivor, cute little things like that.

This is not a story about that guy.

This is a story about C’s one-time attack dog, eventual boyfriend, and current ex. We’ll go ahead and call him R. I’ve tried real hard to avoid namedropping on my blog before, but could people find him from this? Probably. Have I stopped caring? Absolutely.

TL;DR, unsubstantiated accusations of serial harassment are a little questionable when they’re coming from someone with a years-long, extensively documented history of serial harassment and a personal grudge against me.

Cut for length.

Edit 7/2/2017: R has posted that he regrets making these posts about me, and admits that he said things that were out of line. And he’s stated that he’s going to try to do better in the future. I genuinely, truly appreciate that. I’m leaving this post up because there have been lies about me floating around for a while and I reserve the right to defend myself, but I really do appreciate that.

Oh balls, none of this makes sense without backstory (I’m so sorry)

If you think I suck or my work sucks, that’s fine! You do you, go enjoy the things that make you happy.

If you think I’m the devil because this one guy told you about my evil, evil past and all my terrible misdeeds, without anything at all to back up his words? You can ask me. I don’t bite, and oh lordy do I have receipts.

To be clear, R is totally allowed to hate me! I don't care. I don't care if he hates my writing, I don't care if he hates me as a person. But now he's escalated to spreading lies about me, and people are believing him, and I’m not enough of a doormat to let that just stand.

And I’m going to cheat a little. Here’s a memo with the cliffs notes version (not the original memo, I made a copy with C’s urls cropped out since he hasn’t attacked anyone in a long while). Warning, digging any distance into this turns up violent fantasies, violent sexual fantasies, creepy interactions with a minor, and lots more, it’s all really, really unpleasant. Evidence is thoroughly documented, please tread with care.

You would not believe how truncated that is compared to the reality.

Now, the worst of this came via C. Who has calmed down a lot these days, and I’m really happy that’s the case. Good for him. I hope his life continues in a direction where he doesn’t find it necessary to do this stuff.

Lucky for me, R was standing by to pick up the slack.

It doesn’t show up as much in the memo, which is mostly C-focused, but R was standing by C this whole time, defending his right to spread around private information about someone’s abuse history, sending nasty messages on the other guy’s behalf, and much,much more. it’s long, it’s awful, it’s unpleasant. R personally hurt people in some significant ways that I don’t want to link directly, for their sake. He expressed deep remorse a few times, but it never stuck.

Here’s my personal favorite quote from R. He’s speaking to the CSA survivor that C casually outed (with information given to him in confidence), and who they’d been running a long, long whisper campaign against, and who was understandably a bit upset over the whole thing:

oh go wank to your own tears [name]

#and get your sympathizers to help #nasty fucking people #maybe if you cry enough youll be able to go into second grade in the fall #ooc

Said, again, to a CSA survivor they outed and harassed. That person is such a sweetheart, and this screencap still infuriates me.

The first time I saw C pick a fight he had lots of friends. Shockingly, as he did things like loudly fantasize about how he wants to mutilate people and rant about how autistic people should die, those friends mostly drifted away. I know one person had a friend even help them stage a faux relationship-ending fight, so they could be sure they’d be able to completely cut and run from C. R stuck with him, though. Eventually they even started dating.

‘Spock followed R into transformers to harass him and stalks his favorite characters just to harass him more’

Then, transformers. Here, let me show you the first post (by R) that ever brought MTMTE to my attention. I spent years being aggressively uninterested in transformers, but this caught my eye

and honestly, ppl (adults too!!!) shipping someone who has the mentality of a child and is quite glaringly lacking a world of experiences and general understanding of things outside of ‘good’ and ‘bad’, with an adult, is just. very alarming and gross to me.

and honestly, the fact that there is a large portion of people who want him to become romantically (and sexually!!!) involved with either one of two fucking adults in canon, and hell, esp those defending it with ‘hes an adult too tho!!’ is really gross.

you can pretend all you want that hes ‘an adult’ because his body is, but theres no way jro didnt intent to code him as a child. stop fetishizing children lmao,

#pedophilia -/-/- #cygate -/-/- #if someone comes at me screaming ‘rule 38′ im gonna shove them in a locker

I didn’t know transformers, but I was pretty sure this was some straight-up bullshit.

(but don’t worry, he ships it now! no hypocrisy here, no sir)

It’s “really gross” to ship this adult with other adults. Mm. Given the reasonableness of the claims these guys have made in the past, and given their extensive history of harassing people over those claims, I hopped to the wiki to check it out. I read a bit about the comic and the plot, and all of it sounded so fascinating that I just had to give the comic a try.

Reader, I married it.

I shotgunned MTMTE 1-47 in two days, started doing fanworks right out of the gate, and I’ve never looked back. A lot of my art was cygate, because come on, the comic wants you to ship it so bad, my first readthrough ended with issue 47, and that was the first ship I’d ever read about for the series, even before I dove in.

Now, both these characters punch me right in the heart, in some painfully personal ways. Tailgate’s the more relevant one here, but I don’t even know if I could do justice to the emotions both of them give me.

I’m still not a fan of how R’s lies about me have edged me into needing to say this in public, but okay. I’m developmentally delayed. It’s been a rough ride. And Tailgate hits me in some of those spots so hard it just takes my breath away. I’ve got a lot of baggage over not being a real adult, and not in the funny oh-no-how-do-taxes-work way, more like an extended months-long meltdown my first year of college because I can tell that my friends are years ahead of me and I don’t know how to even start catching up, and just existing, as myself, is humiliating.

All of my relationship milestones have come painfully, painfully late. The whole thing is still one awful emotional bruise. I hate it, and I hate how easy it is to convince myself that yeah, of course you don’t actually deserve to be treated as an adult and you never will. Just look at you. So then it is unbelievably important to me that I can see someone someone who is like me, being treated as a legitimate adult, and being able to have an adult relationship.

Hearing that shipping someone like me is essentially pedophilia is the opposite of that.

But he ships it now, so everything is fine :)

Yeah, you know what? Another fucking receipt.

uGHGH im so tired of all the rabid cy// /gat// //e fans like even cy’s giving em a look like ‘leave my fucking child alone’

#i just #im hoping jro has some taste tho and doesnt make an adult date a child #and if not im hoping the outcome blows over soon bc im so tired of seeing people defend pedophilia #pedophilia -/-/-

Parental.

This continued even after JRO explicitly confirmed Tailgate was an adult.

Bonus ableism: shipping Whirl (another character who hits me way too hard) isn’t okay either. Even though there isn’t the excuse of ‘but he only lived three years--’ No, at that point, you’re saying that an adult who fails to adult correctly does not count, and isn’t allowed to have romantic relationships. It makes my skin crawl, and it is an issue which is very personally and directly important to me.

So some of my cygate was porn from the start (it’s what I write. it’s what I draw.), and some of the porn was made because I was upset over discourse that says someone like me needs to be treated as a child. I played with cywhirlgate too, because omg how could I not, and some of that was porn as well. It was ages ago, so I don’t remember the details for every little thing I made. But when I saw someone saying that Cyclonus and Tailgate had a parental relationship, I’m sure that helped nudge me in that direction. Maybe R thinks I should have channeled my emotions by starting a whisper campaign to exclude him from fandom spaces. But I think my way of working through bad emotions might have been a little healthier than that.

So when R accuses me of making cygate content to spite him? Half true. Just true enough to be real fucking dishonest. R spent a nice long time insisting that cygate was pedophilia. I channeled my outrage over that ableism into fan creations.

I didn’t attack him. I talked about him some – on a private forum, with people who’d already been aware of him and had been watching him and C hurt people for years, plural. I haven’t told people on tumblr any real details about him until now. And R still is happy to talk about how it was his toxic ex’s right to post torture/rape/murder porn vent fic about actual people.

Tell me, how exactly am I in the wrong?

Bonus pettiness: I posted some cywhirlgate porn. The next day, R vaguely whined about robot pedophilia and turned around and wrote some obviously-a-response cywhirlgate. Where it was super platonic and the text explicitly said it was super platonic and it even had platonic thigh nuzzling. With two “children” involved. Of course I turned around and wrote more fic of my own, because jesus h christ that made my skin crawl. You want to play this game? I guarantee I can write faster than you, let’s do this. (he did not follow through on that)

I’d also like to say that forgetting inconvenient little details like this is a thing with R. Hard to call me terrible for writing spitefic when you write it yourself.

A history of Spock’s personal involvement

Let’s backtrack a tiny bit. You may notice I am up to my elbows in this nonsense for no clear reason.

I was friends with some of the people C was taking shots at, and I was unfortunate enough to believe his original smear campaign about that one artist (I’m still ashamed about that). I cared about a number of people C was trying to hurt. I think one or two fanworks of mine upset him, but he already had loads of targets. I kept tabs on him and R, because anxiety is the gift that just keeps giving.

Eventually, C fantasized about wanting to put my former datemate’s hand through a meat grinder (ey wrote a fic that portrayed his fave in a negative light). And R defended his right to do that.

The person he posted about is still feeling the effects of that incident. I’m still feeling the effects of that. And it wasn’t even directed at me, just someone I care deeply about.

R has recently posted that ‘oh my goodness, C sure was awful, remember when he posted this thing about a meat grinder and how unreasonable it was?’ Thanks buddy, glad you noticed, now just go ahead and keep on blaming me for the aftereffects of what your boyfriend did, and what you defended.

After that, it was months before I could properly look away from either of their blogs.

C posted extensively about trying to track down the street address of his ~enemies~ (including the one whose genitals he fantasized about mutilating). He posted about how autistics should die. He had skype chats about wanting to do amateur brain surgery on people. All while posting very often about finding real addresses.

Yeah, it’s more than a year later, and every so often I get a stab of anxiety and have to head off to double check on what these two are up to.

I will repeat that C has been pretty chill lately. He’s got a career he’s aiming for. Good for him, go find success, please don’t slip back into being an internet bully. It’s sad and upsetting to see R echoing some of the early patterns of his ex, and it’s so strange to see me labeled as his own personal enemy.

‘Spock will totally come harass you too’ and/or various accusations of ableism

So there are some things I did in the mix in this history that I regret. Occasionally, I went out and flipped through the blogs of C and R’s friends, seeing if maybe they’d had said something in their notes, did they have any vagueblogs C liked, did they post about— It got unreasonable. I admit that. Anxiety was at the root of it, but it absolutely got unreasonable. And also it is a massive time sink, and I can’t remember the last time I bothered with it. I enjoy life much more when anxiety and paranoia issues don’t have their claws in me. This hasn’t been an issue in a very long time.

I came down hard on some of the kinfeels and system stuff too, which I do walk back a bit. C’s approach was… hahaha. It was something. And he was my intro to the kin and system paradigms. I saw R talking about C’s approach being unreasonable too, pretty recently. So that was an unfortunate bit of poison in how I processed the next people I met who did that sort of thing. I don’t do kin stuff, but I get it. And DID may not strictly apply to all systems, by the formal diagnostic criteria, but I’ve learned there are plenty of other dissociative disorders out there. And I met people who were multiples and who did kin things that weren’t these two guys. Which helped a LOT.

But the big one, hmmm. C wrote a fic. The idea was interesting, but the execution frustrated me. Everyone but the main lead felt so… flat. Everyone was constantly cruel to the main, for no reason. I saw a way to riff on the original text while staying true to its shape, and writing my bad emotions out is also a major, major thing I do to cope. Now, my big thing is that I should have asked before I remixed. I’d been thinking in terms of, y’know, transformative fanworks. Even with authors like Anne McCaffrey and Anne Rice, who fought against fandom, people have still felt that it should be allowed, even against their wishes. So I wrote the remix. I gave full credit on ao3 in the ‘inspired by’ box, linked to the original with positive words, the whole shebang.

The guy was still furious, and… that’s fair. I thought I’d written a thing on self-sabotage that was pretty sympathetic and compelling, and the self-sabotage actually drew a lot on my own personal history. But I gave the main flaws he strongly disagreed with, and I didn’t ask for permission. I get why he was/is angry over it.

I’ve been a fixture on their shitlists ever since :P

It’s remarkable, even while R posts now about ‘oh my god, remember how C wrote the creepiest things?’, I’m still the one who’s the the actual worst, for being skeeved out by the creepy things and finding a constructive way to deal with it. R’s controlling ex gets full freedom when it comes to vent fic, even when it’s about wallowing in torturing, raping, and murdering an avatar for a real person (the original one they harassed!), or punching someone in the face until they agree to be your friend (another artist these guys targeted). But R’s position seems to be that only C is allowed to vent (even if it’s genital mutilation fantasies), and I’m definitely not.

Oh, and R has now expanded this remix into me totally having a consistent pattern of stealing ideas and plagiarism and so many remixes that are obviously done as revenge on anyone who pisses me off. So that’s nice.

So R hates your writing. Is that seriously why this post exists?

Ha, no. Let’s look at the concrete things R is saying. Here, let me post a little sampling of evidence.

These aren’t just things he’s shouting into the void, people have responded saying wow, I never knew that! These are lies that people are believing about me. And then yesterday, June 30, 2017, he warned a friend not to disagree with my meta, or I’d come harass them. A friend I’m aggressively leaving out of this, just as I’m leaving out other responses, because these people don’t deserve to be dragged into R’s bullshit.

Let’s have bullet points. Some of these are the silly spock-is-bad-at-writing complaints. Those are here because this whole mess is pretty fucking depressing and the ridiculous claims make me laugh, but these are all things he says.

Spock is evil – You know what, he’s not calling people pedophiles, which is a step up. I’ll take it.

Spock is a plagiarist – I remixed one fic with full credit, said only good things about the original, and linked to it in extra places so that people would have extra opportunities to click through and check it out. I arguably remixed inappropriately, but that’s not the same thing. Words have definitions. If I’m a plagiarist, so is everyone who’s ever written a fanfic.

Spock is something something mean when people disagree – I don’t even know, man. I’m actually shockingly conflict-averse. Is this because I make walls of text and explain why I hold opinions at great length? I enjoy talking about a thing I love. I’m autistic, I’m hyperverbal, and this is my special interest, so is it that I talk a lot? That’s the best I can do. I’ve talked about things I disagree with on a private forum, in which case mister pot has had a lot of fun in public on twitter, not only talking shit, but also spreading outright untruths. Maybe he wants to rethink this one.

Spock will come harass you if you disagree – You need to back the heck down, pal.

Spock’s meta/fic/characterization is bad and they should feel bad – Hahaha, fite me. He won’t, because I can articulately defend myself at significant length, and his criticisms seem to stop at ‘spock sucks’, but hey.

Spock used ableist language about Whirl - I... what? This one confuses me and makes me laugh so it stays here. Also, holy double standards, batman.

Spock is only into transformers to harass R – I checked out transformers because I was pretty sure R was being disgustingly ableist (he was). I stayed in transformers because I adore it. I had to adore it a lot to make me willing to share fandom space with these two. My god, I have better things to do with my life than spend all my time on something that bores me just to annoy one asshole on the other side of the internet. I’d ask if he thinks I spent dozens of painstaking hours cross-stitching Starscream just to bother him, but….. yep, pretty sure he does.

Spock goes after all of R’s favorite characters to upset him – R latches on to just about every interesting and/or sympathetic character that shows up. When he was dating C, they covered most of the cast between them. I don’t care who R likes best because I don’t agree with his opinions. I tend to stay away from his opinions because I don’t like reading things that bother me. This is asnine. I’m only allowed to like the characters R despises, I guess.

Spock makes fanworks for things R likes just to make him see them – Oh my god, I don’t caaaaaare. I write about things that interest me, unless I’m venting. Say, venting about the way R and his ex have deliberately hurt a shockingly high number of people I care about. ‘Spock made rodistar because I liked it--’ I made it because I wrote a thing about their parallels, and shipping was the obvious next step. R isn’t that important to me. Promise.

This is just exhausting, man. The anxiety bugs had been dying down, and it had been ages since I checked out this guy’s anything. C, who drove the whole initial blowup that led to this, has been quiet and chill on tumblr. But R has learned from his ex’s old example and has been having fun spreading lies about me.

In conclusion

Some fun history.

R was 18 when he told a CSA survivor upset about being outed and harassed to wank using their tears for lube.

He was older than that when he defended C’s right to post about wanting to mutilate someone’s genitals (for the crime of saying C’s logic didn’t make sense).

He was older than that when he complained about that person’s spouse being ‘vicious’ for reacting badly to C’s genital mutilation fantasy.

He was older than that when he nodded along as C called autistic people retards and said they should die.

He was older than that when he talked about being happy that someone he disliked was triggered, and nodded along when C fantasized about that person drinking bleach.

And he was older than that when he defended C, his twenty-something boyfriend, against the thirteen-year-old that C had been having incredibly inappropriate conversations with, despite skype log proof and everything.

And despite all this, I’m still the bad guy, because I didn’t think what they were doing was okay. I’m the bad guy for being upset by C's actions, even though... R is now upset by C’s actions. The ways I responded to C were inexcusable. My only motivation is to hurt people. Every thing I did that ever upset them still means I’m terrible, even though R is saying this while he’s busy posting about how awful C is. And this all means that he needs to warn his friends not to catch my attention, or I’ll come harass them.

So, I’m tired.

I’m very tired.

I’m glad he’s trying to grow past that history. Good. Maybe he can do that without making up a story about how I’m unrepentant villain who lives for villainy and who only takes joy in causing him pain. I’m sure it helps him, because it’s a story that brushes aside the shit he did that he regrets, and makes his past less painful to think about. But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with him telling lies about me.

I don’t know why I’m the one boogeyman he has left (I kid, it’s because I’m in transformers, and because he thinks I’m popular. he harps on it a lot, and it’s weird for everyone). I mean, whatever. I’ve aggressively avoided publishing drama details on here for a very long time. But there are two blog tags, miscellaneous other untagged blog content, three forum threads, and hundreds of pages of skype logs with hard evidence of this bullshit.

I’m pretty sure that if he tries to defend himself, one, he’ll place some blame on his ex. That’s fair. C was pretty darn controlling and demanding. But R is still absolutely responsible for his own actions, and is especially responsible for the harm he personally caused. He’ll talk about how it’s bullshit to pull up all these receipts from so very long ago. In that case, his receipts for me (whatever he even has) are equally old, so aren’t they null and void? No, because Spock is the devil. And it’s not so much bullshit if he’s clearly learned nothing, and has gone back to spreading outright falsehoods about people.

To be clear, a lot of the lies he told about me were told a while back. Weeks to a few months to a year. I was letting it sit, because I’d really, really hoped this was over. Yesterday, June 30, 2017, he warned a friend not to publicly disagree with my meta or I’d come and harass them.

It’s been three years since I first saw him doing this. I’ve watched him hurt a lot of people, and I’ve watched him admit, multiple times, that he has hurt people. I thought he’d learned to stop following these toxic patterns. Apparently he has not.

Edit 7/2/2017: To repeat the edit up above, R has said he regrets posting these things about me, and that he's going to try to avoid slipping into this in the future. I very much appreciate that.

[sleep-deprived-menace]

oh my gosh I love this. little spock is so cute!!!

star trek tos doodles so far!