#ever tag searches her on my blog and sees all my art from when I was like 15.

[robocops-a-christ-allegory]

Official announcement I decided the best way to learn how to code was to make a visual novel but Im still making all the sprites. Im losing my mind not being able to share all these things though so take some random expressions

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

Sokkla actually saved my life.

In my early 20s, I had left my abusive family to move in with my high school sweetheart. But once we were living together, he showed a side of him I had never seen before.

He became abusive and cruel and began to cheat. And everytime he blamed everything on me and my depression and anxiety (I have PTSD from my childhood). He made it seem like this was the best I was ever going to get because no one would ever want a broken person like me.

Eventually he dumped me and left me with nowhere to go. I had to move back in with my abusive parents and I wanted to kill myself. They agreed with my boyfriend that no one would want me because I came back to them even more traumatized and mentally ill with mean outbursts and constant crying.

I genuinely thought it was over for me. I had always identified with Katara and Zuko the most, so I had shipped Zutara as a teen. But now I could no longer see myself in Katara because she was so strong and kind and everyone loved her.

I felt more like Zuko except a version of him that nobody could love with his scars. I began to see myself more like Azula. Doomed and tragic. The more hate I read about her, the more I searched for it and applied it to myself. Everytime someone called her irredeemable or unloveable, I took those words as a reminder to myself of how the world truly saw me. I guess it was a kind of self harm…

Eventually this became a late night ritual. And it was while doing this one night, sobbing my eyes out, that I clicked on what I thought was another fic about Azula being tortured and hated or punished and executed. But I must’ve misclicked because instead I ended up on a Sokkla fic.

And I don’t know if it was just my emotional state or how late it was, but by the end when Sokka showed her he could still love her, I just broke. I started looking for more Sokkla fics and art. Instead of looking for content punishing and hating Azula so I could harm myself, I started wanting to find stories where she healed and was happy. And Sokkla fics were so good about this without making Azula just a crazy person abuser or erasing all of her problems either.

Eventually I found metas written by some lovely Sokkla shippers on here and I decided that maybe, if I could be kinder to Azula, I could be kinder to myself.

But I made the mistake of sharing this on my tumblr and all my old Zutara friends FREAKED OUT. Lot all of them were mean about it, but some were. And eventually it ended up in tags that attracted other Zutara shippers and they attacked me over and over again, saying the most messed up things. Calling me mentally ill. Calling me homophobic. Calling me an abuse apologist. Even saying I must be an abuser and a horrible person if I identified with a psychopath like Azula at all. All because I said I like Sokkla now and it helped me.

I left the Zutara fandom that day. But I still love ATLA! I love Katara and Zuko as much as I used to, I just don’t really ship them anymore.

Sokkla is my ship now and it upsets me when people Zutara or TyZula or other fans bash it for no reason. Just like what you like and leave us alone! Zutara gives me panic attacks sometimes now because of it. I blocked all the tags and I’m never going back.

By the way, I’m doing better now! I’m back in school and I have new friends. One of my friends has a cute brother who likes ATLA. And his favorite character is Sokka. I asked him if he likes Sokkla and he said he had never thought about it before. But now we send each other fan art!

I have hope now, and a lot of that is thanks to friends and therapy. But Sokkla fandom helped me realize I deserved those things to begin with. If they could show empathy to Azula, then maybe people could show it to me too.

And to everyone in the Zutara or TyZula fandom who harasses people who ship Azula with people you don’t like: FUCK YOU.

Thank you for this blog. It helps me realize I’m not crazy. They really can be that mean and delusional. Sorry for the rant.

...Anon, do you want a hug?

[babacontainsmultitudes]

Hehe hi hi hi!!! Well you're using tags correctly so tbh I think you've got this shit pretty down packed hahaha

OK tell me in the tags which dndads character makes you the most ill but YOU CAN ONLY CHOOSE ONE

[ensemblesmile]

rockstar in love

tags: best friends dad, age gap (reader in their 20s, semi in his 30s), fingering, hickeys, vaginal penetration, unprotected sex, infidelity, (and probably more that i can’t currently think of).

warnings: minor and ageless blogs DNI!! i will block any that do interact without ages in their bios or pinned.

word count: 10.6k

summary; famous rockstar semi eita is thought to be in a happy marriage with two amazing kids, however his life isn’t quite so picture book perfect as his fans might think. or, at least it wasn’t. but the moment he met you, he dreams of the actual picture book life he could have with you that finally comes true during your final summer break of college.

a/n: it's finally posted! it feels like ages since i posted this thirst of a rockstar!dilf!semi eita. it is definitely different from that post, however the dilf rockstar semi is still the same, and that he is also readers best friends dad. also, this was my first time ever writing smut so i would like to apologize if that part of the fic is not written well... also also, i may or may not write a second part depending on if this is well received or not as well as if i get any ideas... anyways, i hope you enjoy!

semi eita, lead bassist and composer for the infinity order, had prided himself on the fact he had the most perfect family anyone could ever dream of. the perfect wife, an amazing son, and a beautiful daughter. or at least, that's the façade he's kept up for��years because his manager didn't want him to ruin his image or his bands.

however, behind closed doors, his family isn't all that it's cracked up to be. his son hasn't willingly talked to him in years, his wife cares more about money and status than being a good wife, a good lover. the only thing good in his life is his daughter, the only one who's been by his side through everything.

when his daughter had gone off to an arts school in the states, he'd thrown himself into his work, hoping to distract himself from having to see his wife or son the few times a day they would come home. due to his newfound dedication with his work, his band mates had started to worry about their lead bassist and composer. they hoped he wasn't pushing himself too much, but they couldn't lie and say they didn't find his dedication to his work admirable. and because of this need to stay away from home, the band had been able to crank out single after single, eventually being able to turn out a few new albums before the year was up and gaining more and more attention from new fans, both nationally and internationally. and due to this newfound popularity, semi and his band mates had been able to quit their day jobs in order to focus solely on their band.

once semi quit his day job, he'd moved out of the penthouse suite he shared with his wife and son, buying himself his own house and a huge property, thankfully being able to afford it due to his bands rise in popularity.

the few times his daughter had come back to japan for breaks, she'd brought various friends with her, though only one seemed to always be by her side. that friend was you, a sassy dancer semi had started to get to know as incredibly strong willed, stubborn as all hell, and, at least in semi's eyes, sexy as fuck and intriguing as hell. whenever you were visiting with his daughter, he would always find himself secretly searching for or staring at you, sometimes feeling an erection start to grow if you happened to be trying out a new dance routine when you thought only his daughter, semi aiko, was looking. he'd always curse himself when he found himself growing hard to his daughters best friend, hating that you, someone almost half his age, had such an effect on him. he couldn't help that he once recorded a new dance you had been showing aiko, jacking off to the you in the video who's hips swayed tantalizingly and the look on your face which was pure sin in semi's eyes.

you, on the other hand, seemed oblivious to his growing attraction towards you. when you'd first met him, he'd been nothing more than your best friends father, the one person in aiko's family that she even still talked to. but as you started to get to know him during your visits to japan, you'd slowly started to find him attractive the more you got to know him. you, however, would always shake off your attraction towards him, cursing yourself for starting to feel something for your best friends father. honestly though, you couldn't keep shaking off your growing attraction towards the mysterious, tall, dark, and handsome male that always welcomed you into his home with open arms. you would have to face your feelings eventually.

so one spring break, when you returned to japan with aiko, your attraction for him (and he for you) started to bubble over, resulting in "coincidental" run ins, lingering looks shared over meals or conversations, brief touches as you passed each other in the halls, or random excuses to touch each other in...less than appropriate ways.

you had also found yourself dressing differently. not in a way that would show more skin, but in a way that showed off your curves without revealing skin. you were confident in your body up to a point, but once clothes started coming off, your comfort levels started to decrease. that was why you'd stuck with clothes that accentuated your curves. and boy did semi notice these changes, finding that he seemed to be getting harder a lot more frequently, finding more chances for lingering touches or chances to talk with you more just so he could stare at you in the guise of being a good listener.

these actions, however, did not go unnoticed by aiko, the one person who knew semi the best. the mutual yet hidden feelings had become clear to her one day during her second year of college when she and you had been visiting japan for a short visit during spring break. at first, aiko was a bit weirded out by this development when she'd first found out, however she had slowly started to accept it — and even silently support it — the more she realized her father had been happier than he had been in a while. if you, her best friend, were able to make her father genuinely smile — a feat he'd only been known to do when onstage nowadays — then of course she would support a relationship between her best friend and her father. how couldn't she? if you genuinely made her dad happy, she would help your relationship blossom.

so, after months of secretly planning, she invited you to visit her father in japan with her during summer break where she would finally put her plan into action. well, she would start working on her plan before summer break by getting you more comfortable with wearing clothes you were usually less than comfortable wearing. and one day, after you had agreed to visit japan with her for the third summer in a row, she had suddenly brought up you and her father which had caused you to blush bright red and stutter hurriedly to change the subject. however, with that reaction, aiko's suspicions had finally been confirmed — at least on your end. she would still need to confirm things concerning her father, but that could wait. right then, she had to grill you about those feelings you were feeling towards her dad.

"so, y/n, now that you've agreed to visit japan with me for summer break, is it because you know my dad will be back from tour?" aiko had suddenly asked one day during a sacred girls day you and aiko usually did after a rather stressful week of classes.

"wh- what are you talking about, aiko? of course that's not the reason," you'd quickly rejected, face heating up into a deep red blush, quickly turning away from her so she couldn't see the blush coating your cheeks.

"i knew it!" aiko cheered upon seeing your reaction, hands thrown into the air in triumph.

"shut up, i have no idea what you mean," you muttered, shaking your head at your best friend in embarrassment.

"oh, i'm not mad," aiko assured, reaching out to give your arm a squeeze of reassurance. "yeah, when i first found out i was a bit confused and concerned, but the happier i saw my dad get, the more i found i was okay with it. sure, you're my best friend, and sure, it would be weird to start thinking of you as my stepmom, but so long as my dad is happy and finally out of that toxic relationship, the better off he'll be. and i just know he'll be better off with you in the picture."

"wait, so you're actually supporting this?" you had questioned, dumbfounded at the way aiko seemed completely okay with whatever might happen. "and don't get ahead of yourself. i don't even know if eita-san likes me in that way."

"so long as you make my dad happy, then yeah, i'll support you," aiko nodded, sending you a smile so big and contagious, you felt your own smile grow in response. however, you felt it slip away the moment aiko had given you a serious look. "but i swear, if you end up hurting my dad, i will make your life miserable. and don't be ridiculous, if he didn't also like you in that way, do you think i would even be bringing this up?"

"of course, ma'am, i would never dream of hurting eita-san," you responded seriously, earning a quick attitude change from aiko in the process. this had you raising a silent eyebrow in concern, musing silently to yourself about how the semi family — at least the two you knew — were very strange people. but you knew for a fact that if given the chance, you would never choose to not meet your best friend, the first true friend you had ever known — your own siblings excluded.

and so, the rest of that girls day was spent discussing aiko's surefire plan to get you and her father together.

step one: get you more comfortable with wearing more revealing clothes so that by summer, you could confidently strut around in clothes aiko knew would drive her father mad. step two: get you both chances for those lingering touches to get bolder, more insistent. in aiko's words, "build up that sexual tension." step three: set up the perfect occasion for you and him to be alone, setting the most perfect atmosphere for all that built up sexual tension. in aiko's words, "that built up sexual tension needs to snap at some point, why not make it while i'll be out of the house so you have the whole place to yourselves? besides, i don't want to hear any of it."

after giving you the plan, you and her worked continuously on it to refine and rework the plan before heading to japan for summer break, where you would start to enact said plan into your daily life.

it started the moment you arrived in japan, wearing a much too revealing outfit in public for semi's liking. you wore black combat boots, black fishnets, short jean shorts, a black crop top decorated by a silver sun design that happened to reveal your stomach if you were to move or stretch a certain way, and a red flannel that hung low over your backside so that from the back angle, it looked like you weren't wearing any pants. never in a million years would he have guessed it was you walking beside his daughter as you both made your way to the baggage claim, talking excitedly to each other with bags slung haphazardly over your shoulders.

as he stood in the airport, he realized that he must've been standing out too much because he found himself surrounded by a sea of fans, all bombarding him with questions and requests, though he hardly seemed to notice them as he barely took his eyes off you and your — in his eyes — very appealing yet revealing attire.

"sorry, my daughter and her friend are here, thank you for supporting my band and i," semi quickly spoke up, pushing through the crowd to get to you and aiko's side.

"hi, dad!" aiko smiled, giving her father a bright smile and big hug, happy to see her father after the semester apart. "you didn't have to pick us up, we could've called an uver," aiko added, glancing towards the large group of people who all seemed to be staring at them.

"nonsense, i wanted to greet my daughter the moment she came back to japan, just like i always have," semi responded, ruffling the younger semi's hair in amusement.

"hey, not the hair," aiko protested, sending her dad a glare as she fixed her hair.

"thank you for having me again this summer, eita-san," you finally spoke, having been silent the entire exchange, but now finally finding the perfect opportunity to speak up — though it may have had more to do with aiko giving you a sharp elbow to the side.

"of course, y/n, thank you for continuing to watch over my daughter in the states," semi responded, giving you a warm smile.

"of course, i'd never leave aiko, she'd be in trouble if it weren't for me," you spoke teasingly, eyes twinkling in amusement as you smirked at your best friend due to the look she had shot you.

"shut up, y/n, like you're one to talk," aiko responded, elbowing your side, causing you to double over in mock pain.

"ouch, i'm wounded, aiko," you responded, placing one hand above your heart while the other went to rub your side as if to soothe a sharp pain.

"payback's a bitch, isn't it," aiko teased, a twinkle of amusement in her eye that semi had grown used to whenever you and her were together.

semi simply watched your and aiko's exchange, used to the dynamic you shared due to your closeness. it was something semi had no idea he was missing until it suddenly came back into his life. he was so lost in thought thinking about how much he had missed his daughter, and especially you, that he hadn't realized that aiko was heading towards the carousel to collect your and her luggage until you were pulling gently at his arm in order to move off to the side so you weren't taking up so much space. with a muttered apology for getting lost in thought, he quickly followed you, watching from the corner of his eye as you tapped away furiously on your phone. he had an urge to see what you were doing, but he knew he needed to respect your privacy, so he refrained, deciding to simply watch in amusement as you reacted to what was on your phone with minute facial details. a crinkle in your brow to show confusion, a light blush to show embarrassment, a huff and pursed lips to show annoyance, a smirk to show smugness. semi should probably feel worried that he could pick up on so much when it came to you, but he just couldn't find it in himself to actually feel that way. after all, you were a puzzle he just wanted to solve — or was there more to it?

"—ther, father you there?" aiko questioned, waving a hand in front of semi's face to try and catch his attention. "i got our luggage if you want to get out of here." aiko explained, gesturing down to the two bags that now sat at their feet. "and also, to get away from...this," she added, glancing behind her to gesture to the sea of people still trying to get a good look at half of the semi family.

"ahh yes, sorry," semi apologized, glancing from his daughter to the crowd gathering behind her then back to his daughter before sending her an apologetic smile and then taking both bags for the girls and leading the way to his car so they could leave. he could hear you and aiko whispering together behind his back, however it was too soft so he wasn't able to pick up on just what you might be whispering.

"you take the front seat, talk to him," aiko was whispering, urging you to make a move, even if it was just a small one.

"you'll be in the backseat though, so won't that be a bit awkward," you whispered back, glancing nervously in front of you to semi's back.

"as if, i'll have my headphones in and i am a bit jet lagged, i'll probably take a nap on the drive there," aiko responded, rolling her eyes at your nervous attitude in amusement.

"but-" you tried again, only to earn a sharp glare from aiko to stop you from continuing.

"look, think of it this way, this is step one of our plan to get rid of the sexual tension between you and my father," aiko hissed, shoving you towards the front seat upon the arrival to semi's vehicle.

having finished putting your bags into the back of the vehicle, semi had watched the particularly insistent shove from aiko with a raised eyebrow, a small smirk taking over his features as he notices the subtle glare you had sent aiko before opening the front passenger door and taking a seat in the passenger side of the car.

aiko simply rolled her eyes at you in reply as she got into the back seat, instantly pulling out her headphones and blasting her music, loud enough you could just barely hear it in the front of the car. reaching a hand behind you, you swatted at air, hoping to give your best friend a smack for being so obvious. aiko simply watched a you flailed around in amusement, making sure to keep to herself until semi got into the car, stopping your vain struggle in finding aiko in the back seat. she noticed semi's mouth moving, meaning he was probably talking to you though she couldn't hear anything over her music, not that she wanted to hear anything you or he would be saying. with that thought firmly in her mind, aiko stared out the window, letting her mind wander as she watched the scenery pass by, eventually letting jet lag catch up to her and resting her eyes.

you were in a similar position as aiko, though you tried to push through it in order to continue the conversation you'd been having with the rockstar. it was mainly about his career and your semester since you'd last seen him. small talk that slowly petered out as you, too, felt the affects of jet lag starting to catch up with you.

noticing the newfound silence, semi glanced at you from the corner of his eye, realizing you must've been tired though you looked like you wanted to fight it. with a small smile on his face, he reached over, placing a large, calloused hand on your thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze, urging you to go to sleep and that he would wake you when they arrived at his home. you sighed softly and nodded your head, resting it against the glass as you let your mind wander. absentmindedly, mind muddled with sleep, you had reached down towards his hand to gently start playing with his fingers as you felt yourself slowly fall asleep.

semi couldn't help the surprise that took over his face for a second before a soft smile made its way onto his face, stilling your fingers to gently turn over his hand and simply hold your hand, fingers interlaced as you slept. fleeting moments like these are what semi wished for, to bask in your warmth and acceptance of who he was and what he stood for. because that's what you did, accepted him for who he was the moment you'd met him.

semi silently lamented the fact you were his daughters age, because if you had been older, he would've instantly called for a divorce with his wife and had pursued you. no one besides aiko had ever accepted him for who he was, they were always too enamored with the fact he was a rockstar, too interested in his money or using him in order to get at his bandmates. they never seemed to see him as the man he was, but rather the man the media portrayed him as. but you were different, you had made an effort to get to know him, to understand the real him, who he was behind his rockstar persona.

upon arriving to the house, semi gently pulled your hand up to his lips where he pressed a gentle kiss against the back of your hand before he gently placed it back on your thigh and let go of your hand. you had made a sound of protest as he let go of your hand, though he couldn't tell if it was his imagination or not, so he simply leaned over, pressed a kiss to your temple, and then, in a whisper, promised he'd be back for you. then he got out of the car, grabbing both your and aiko's luggage, and bringing them inside and up to your designated rooms. then he came back for aiko, gently lifting her bridal style and bringing her to her own room and placing her on the bed. he knew he wouldn't be able to wake aiko so he decided he wouldn't bother. then he went back to the car in order to wake you up, though when he opened the passenger side door, he instantly found he didn't have the heart to. you just looked so peaceful, a calm look on your face instead of the worry that usually marred your beautiful features. sighing softly, he carefully unbuckled you and then picked you up bridal style, stiffening for a second when he felt you cuddle closer to him before heading towards your bedroom in the house. when he reached your room, he had carefully placed you down and then tucked you in, smiling to himself because you just looked so at ease while you slept.

as semi was turning to go, he froze as he felt a tug on his arm, causing him to slowly turn around to face you. "please stay," you murmured half asleep. semi silently cursed at the invitation, inwardly debating with himself on whether or not he should actually stay. he couldn't lie to himself, the thought of holding you while you slept did sound tempting, however he wasn't sure you knew entirely what you were saying as you lay there, half asleep, trying to get him to stay there with you.

sighing, he knelt down on the ground. "i want to, beautiful, but i don't want you to think i'm taking advantage of you or anything," he explained softly, cupping your cheek and rubbing his thumb on your bottom lip as he spoke.

"i don't care about that, i just want someone to hold me," you responded, leaning into his touch subconsciously. "please, eita-san, hold me, that's all i'm asking." honestly, you weren't above begging at this point, you just felt so touch deprived since your breakup that you didn't care who it was so long as they held you close. semi seemed to be debating with himself why he should and shouldn't give in, though he ultimately gave in to the desire to hold you close like he had when carrying you up to the room.

sighing, semi slipped off his shoes before lifting the blankets, urging you to scoot back as he climbed into the bed beside you and then enveloped you in his arms, smiling softly to himself the moment you shifted closer and buried your face in his chest. oh if only he could stay like that with you forever. finally holding you in his arms, softly tracing random patterns onto your back, semi felt at home, more at home than he'd ever felt when holding anyone — besides maybe aiko, though it definitely was in a different way from how he felt when he held you. you hummed softly, a content sound to semi's ears, as you slowly drifted off to sleep, your breathes evening out and lulling him to sleep as well. it didn't take long for him to fall asleep despite him trying to fight it.

it had been a few hours since you had arrived at semi's home when aiko woke up, slowly at first until she felt her stomach growl. after that sound, she quickly got up, dressed, and headed to your room to check if you wanted anything specific, though she froze in her steps upon opening the door, spotting her father cradling you against him as you both slept. a small smile took over her face as she whipped out her phone to snap a picture, forgetting that her sound was on and cringing when the shutter sound went off. despite the loud click her phone had made, she had managed to capture a sweet moment between them, smiling to herself as she closed the door and went towards the kitchen to make some food for herself, staring at the picture with a soft smile on her face.

in it, semi's back was facing the camera, his lower half covered by blankets. he had his arms wrapped around your midsection, with his chen resting softly above your head. she had managed to capture the picture at an angle, so she was able to just barely make out your face buried in semi's chest, a soft smile on your lips as if you were subconsciously reveling in the warmth semi provided as he snoozed right next to you.

"is that the picture you took of us?" a voice spoke up behind aiko, causing the young semi to jump in surprise and turn to face her dad who wore an apologetic smile at having scared his daughter.

"geez, dad, a little warning next time? i thought you were still asleep," aiko muttered, clutching a hand over her heart as she felt it racing beneath her hand.

"sorry, i thought you would've realized i woke up," semi grimaced, glancing away in embarrassment from his daughter. "but you have to admit, that click wasn't exactly subtle, im a bit surprised y/n's still asleep."

"oh please," aiko snorted, clicking her phone off and sliding it into her back pocket. "that girl can sleep through anything. it's a pain trying to wake her up in the mornings so she isn't late for classes."

semi hummed thoughtfully at this new information, enjoying the fact he was learning more about you, even if it was from his daughter and not directly from you. as he absorbed this new information about you, he made his way into the kitchen, grabbing pots, pans, dishes, anything he felt he would need when making dinner, aiko taking a seat at the island which sat in the center of the rather large kitchen. no words were spoken between the father daughter pair as the elder semi made dinner and the younger semi prepared a side dish, the pair working well together despite neither knowing what exactly the other was making.

when the meal was finally finished, neither semi had the heart to wake you just yet so they made sure to keep whatever needed to stay warm was nice and toasty in the oven while they cleaned up and set the table in the dining room that semi only ever used whenever the pair were there or he had guests over. the silence was broken by aiko who had been trying to come up with a subtle yet serious way to bring up the potential relationship between two of the three people who mattered most to her.

"so, you and y/n?" she had questioned, earning a raised eyebrow from semi as if asking what she meant by that. "like, what's going on? do you like her or..."

"why are you asking, aiko?" was semi's response as he continued to set the table, making sure not even the napkins were out of place.

"oh, you know," aiko responded, a teasing glint in her eye as she unlocked her phone and tapped on the screen a few times before sliding the phone towards the rockstar, a smirk on her face as she watched a light blush coat semi's cheeks as he glanced at the phone and then looked away. "i totally encourage whatever it is you might want to pursue with my best friend. just, yknow, don't do anything gross around me, that crosses the line."

"pursue?" semi questioned, eyebrow raised at aiko as if questioning why she was bringing up something like that now of all times.

"yeah, i saw the way you were holding her, and when you picked us up from the airport, don't think i didn't notice the look you were giving her," aiko responded, a smirk now permanently on her face as the elder semi just continued to prove her point. "look, i was a bit weirded out at first when i found out about your...mutual interest in each other. however, as i watched your interactions from afar, i realized that y/n makes you happy, more happy than i've ever seen you with...her. if she makes you happy, i won't complain. but if you hurt my best friend..."

"yeah, i guess you're right," semi mused, thinking back to the time when they'd first met and the many other interactions since. okay, so maybe she was definitely right. "look, i won't hurt y/n, i could never hurt her. and i promise not to show too much affection with her in front of you. however, i don't...does she really like me like that?"

"seriously?" aiko questioned, an unimpressed eyebrow raised. semi gave her a somewhat sheepish look as aiko sighed and muttered something unintelligible under her breath. "geez, it's like you're a lovesick teenager, dad. i'm not having this conversation with you. no, no way."

"alright, i get it, i'll figure things out on my own," semi sighed before turning towards the archway and leaving the room.

"where you going?" aiko called after his retreating form.

"to wake up y/n so we can eat," semi responded, striding towards the stairs and to your room. pushing open the door, what semi wasn't expecting to find was you curled into a ball, your breaths coming in short, shallow gasps, eyes squeezed shut as if you were in pain. "hey y/n-hey y/n are you okay?" he questioned, dropping to his knees in front of you in order to be level with you. he had never seen you like this, though, so admittedly he didn't exactly know what to do in this sort of situation. he shot a quick text to aiko who suddenly appeared in the room, shoving her dad aside so she could be at eye level with you if you were to open your eyes.

"hey, y/n, open your eyes for me and breathe," aiko spoke, her tone gentle yet demanding as she spoke to her friend. y/n cracked an eye open slowly, one after another, staring into a familiar pair of hazel eyes. "good, now breathe in slowly through your nose, and then slowly out through your mouth." when aiko instructed you to breathe, you followed what she said, over and over again as you slowly felt the pounding of your heart decrease. the three of you sat in your room for a good half hour as you slowly calmed down and regained your bearings, neither semi willing to leave your side until you were calm enough to move.

when that happened, you slowly pulled yourself from your ball and gently sat at the edge of the bed, smiling softly in thanks at aiko for helping you get through yet another of your panic attacks, before your gaze averted to semi, eyes widening at the pure, unadulterated worry and relief swimming in his eyes as he gazed at you, hands going up to reach up to cup your face as he stared into your eyes, searching them for anything that might give him a hint as to what had just happened. he hardly acknowledged when aiko spoke up, saying she would be getting their dinner on the table, instead keeping his full focus on the woman who was slowly starting to steal his heart for herself.

"ei- eita-san, i'm okay, really," you murmured, a sigh escaping your lips as you leaned into his touch, hands moving up to cover his own resting on your cheeks.

"you really worried me there, beautiful," semi breathed, thumb absently running over your cheek and causing you to sigh into the touch.

"i'm sorry, i think it was just the unfamiliar environment that caused the panic attack, or it could've been my dream...though i don't really remember what it was about," you murmured in response, closing your eyes as you tried to remember just what your dream had been about.

"don't worry about the cause, i'm sorry i wasn't able to help you with it, i felt pretty useless just sitting there staring at you," semi apologized softly, taking his hands from your face and instead holding them out for you to grab, pulling you up so you were almost flush against him. honestly, what he really wanted to do was lay back down with you wrapped securely in his arms, however he knew you needed to eat something and aiko was probably waiting for them so he instead settled for wrapping his arms around your smaller frame, chin resting on the top of your head.

"i'm sorry for worrying you, eita-san, thank you for staying though," you murmured, wrapping your arms around his waist and leaning a cheek against his chest.

"shhh, it's okay, beautiful," semi responded. "now let's go eat dinner, i'm sure aiko's getting impatient."

"mmh, she does this to me all the time with her boyfriend, she'll survive," you hummed despite pulling away from semi and heading for the door, pausing when you felt a tug on your hand to turn back to him.

"stay with me tonight," semi murmured, interlacing your fingers together.

"feeling lonely?" you teased, eyes twinkling in amusement as a myriad of emotions seemed to pass over his eyes before landing on adoration.

"i just want to be there for you if something like that happens again in the middle of the night," semi responded, pulling you along with him as he led the way through the large house to the dining room where aiko was no doubt waiting for them. your brain seemed to have stalled at the new information which had caused semi to lead the way, making sure you were following behind despite your still clasped hands.

"ugh, dad, what did you do to my best friend?" aiko muttered, catching the almost vacant look in your eyes as you took the seat across from her, semi to your right at the head of the table.

"i don't think i did anything, she was fine until we left her room," semi responded, glancing worriedly at you as you absently started scooping food onto your plate.

the three of you fell into silence, both semi's casting worried glances over to you every so often. it wasn't until after dinner when you had offered to do the dishes that both semi's seemed to breathe sighs of relief that you were fine. aiko blamed it on the fact you still seemed tired, and the way you woke up hadn't been the best way, either, wracked with panic.

"yeah, okay, you do the dishes then, i'll set up a movie or something in the theatre to watch before we go to sleep for the night," aiko nodded, heading for the archway after having cleaned up her side of the table, handing the dishes off to semi as she left.

then, with hands full of dirty dishes, semi followed you into the kitchen and over to the sink where he set them down and then headed back out for the leftovers, transferring them to tupperware and placing them into the fridge.

the two of you worked in silence, with you washing the dishes and semi drying them after you had finished washing them. it felt so domestic to you, almost feeling like something you could get used to if it was with semi. the dishes were done faster than you would've liked, wanting to spend even just a little more time with semi before joining aiko in the home theatre room semi had redecorated part of the basement into.

it seemed semi had the same thought, wanting to spend even just a little more time with you before joining aiko for a movie night. after you had dried your hands with a towel semi hadn't used to dry dishes, semi had caged you in between himself and the island, hands resting on the island countertop to keep you trapped there. your usually soft e/c eyes went wide with surprise as you glanced from his arms to the smirk he wore. his hands slowly travelled from the island to your hips, lifting you up onto the island and setting you down on it so that you were almost eye level with him, though he was still taller than your seated form.

"eita-san, what are you doing?" you asked breathlessly, eyes never leaving his gaze.

"i was planning on finally kissing you if that was alright," semi responded softly, hands trailing from your hips to your thighs, spreading them apart so he could stand between your legs so he could be even that much closer to you.

"oh please," you murmured, wrapping arms around his neck to pull him closer to you, your bodies almost flush with each other as you got your first taste of each other. you smiled into the kiss as semi groaned, loving the way you felt against him. his lips parted and his tongue shot out, licking at your bottom lip as if demanding entrance. you responded in kind, parting your own lips to allow him entrance, tilting your head slightly to allow for better access, hands going from around his neck and into his hair to brush through his hair. when he slipped in his tongue, it met your own, at first fighting for dominance before he won, almost finding himself moaning at the taste of you and feeling himself go hard to the taste of you.

"ugh, please stop biting each others faces off," aiko muttered from the entrance of the kitchen before she entered and went about making popcorn.

semi silently cursed aiko for interrupting, pulling away from you who quickly buried your face in semi's neck to hide your blush from your best friend.

"i'm happy for you guys, truly, i am," aiko continued as the machine started the process of popping popcorn. "however, if i have to see anymore of that, i will cut you. i do not want to see my dad going at it with my best friend, that's a picture my mind would much rather live without."

"shut up, ai, it's not like i wanted to see you and your boyfriend going at it either, and yet here we are," you spoke up lightly, still blushing like crazy though your face was no longer hidden in semi's neck.

"shut up, that was completely different and you know it," aiko sniffed, turning her nose up and away from you in mock defiance.

"really? because at the time, your boyfriend happened to be my older brother," you responded, earning a sheepish look from aiko in response.

semi, who was simply content holding you close after you had pulled away from the kiss due to aiko's interruption, raised an eyebrow at the conversation between the best friends. "oh? you dated y/n's brother?" semi interrupted their conversation, earning a small nod from y/n in response while aiko sighed.

"yeah, they ended on good terms though," you murmured, smiling softly over semi's shoulder at aiko who couldn't help the slight frown on her face.

"they may have been good terms, but you never really forget your first relationship," aiko sighed, cupping her face in her hands as she thought back on her relationship with sora.

"if only you could," semi muttered darkly, though he had to admit that two good things came out of that relationship, and they were both currently in the kitchen with him. if he had never been with that woman in any way, he never would've had aiko, and if he never had aiko, he never would've met you. so one good thing that led to another good thing had happened between him and that woman — semi refused to think of her as anything else now that he was finally able to hold you in his arms.

"hey, stay with me, don't think back to then," you murmured, moving a hand up to his forehead to rub at the worry lines that started to mar his features. "be with me, in the moment, not then with her."

"you're right," semi murmured, moving his head to your neck to give you some featherlight kisses there.

"alright, and that's my cue to leave the room," aiko declared, taking her newly made bowl of popcorn and marching from the room, calling over her shoulder how the movie was ready whenever they were if they still wanted to watch it.

"we're coming!" you responded, pushing lightly at semi's shoulders in order to make him move back to give you space to jump down from the island. semi grumbled about having to watch a movie, saying he'd much rather spend his time doing something else to which you just laughed at, commenting how it was true guys only have one thing on the brain when it came to the object of their affection.

semi watched you for a few seconds, admiring the slight sway of your hips as you followed aiko, calling over your shoulder if he was coming or just going to admire your ass to which he chuckled and quickly caught up, grabbing your hand to guide you to a couch behind the one aiko sat at and away. he then got comfortable, reclining back before pulling you down to sit between his legs, back resting against his chest so he could cuddle with you as the movie played.

or maybe he wasn't thinking of just cuddling because aiko had barely even started the movie before semi swept aside your hair and you felt lips on your neck along with the subtle scape of teeth against your skin causing your breath to hitch in your throat at the feeling. without much thought, you exposed more of your neck to the bold male, feeling a smirk take over as he continued his ministrations on your neck, growing bolder as he listened to your breathing hitch in your throat or the way you exposed more of your neck to him. loving the way you reacted to him, he continued on, growing even bolder by lifting your shirt with his hands so he could trace your hips and stomach without barriers between his hands and your skin. another bold action was him trailing kisses along your neck until he found the spot on your neck that you reacted to the most and then biting down, leaving a bruise in its wake. he was quick to soothe the inflamed area with his tongue, feeling himself go hard at the breathless moan you released at the feeling.

"if you guys start doing it on that couch i swear to god," aiko spoke up, throwing a handful of popcorn in their general direction. "are you even paying attention to the movie? go upstairs if you're going to do...that."

"yeah yeah, i hear you aiko," semi responded, standing up with you in his arms bridal style. "enjoy...whatever it is you're watching. i think we'll be busy tonight so don't bother us any." he called over his shoulder as the two of you left, you slinging your arms around his shoulders for two reasons. the first being so you could steady yourself, not wanting to risk possibly falling from his grip. the second reason being to hide your face in his neck, your cheeks burning as you heard over and over again the exchange between your friend and the man you were slowly starting to realize you were in love with.

"hey now, beautiful, don't go getting shy on me now," semi spoke softly, stopping in front of a door and swinging it open, maneuvering himself and you inside before gently laying you down on the large king size bed on one side of the room in the center of that wall.

you carefully scooted yourself up the bed so that your back was resting on many pillows. then you took a moment to take in the room around you. directly across from the foot of the bed sat a nightstand with a large tv. on either side of the nightstand stood two doors, one of which you assumed led to a walk in closet and the other to the bathroom. a few pictures hung here and there of him and aiko mostly, though you did see some of him with his bandmates and even some of you, him, and aiko. honestly, the room didn't look how you were expecting it to. you thought the musician might have more instruments in his room just in case he thought of a melody or lyrics late at night. 

semi could see your mind racing with questions, smiling softly at the sight of you slowly taking in his room. "what are you looking for, beautiful?"

"your room just looks...different from what i was picturing, i guess," you replied softly, turning your head to face him.

"really? how so?" he questioned, crawling into the bed right next to you, laying on his side so he could stare at you as you spoke.

"i don't know, i guess i just assumed, with you being a musician and all, especially being the composer for your group, that you would have more instruments set up around the place," you murmured, sighing at the feeling of his fingertips dancing over your hip as you turned onto your side to face him.

"that's a fair assumption," semi responded, loving to see how you reacted to his every touch. "my recording studio is right through that door though, so i don't really need them with me in order to compose in the middle of the night. however, i will tell you that this room is soundproof just like my recording studio, so you can be as loud as you want to and aiko will be none the wiser." he whispered against your lips, having moved closer as he explained where his instruments actually were.

your face instantly bloomed bright red at the implications, wanting to turn away from the shameless man in front of you, though he wouldn't let you because he was now kissing you, rolling you over so that he landed on top of you, using his forearms to steady himself so that he wouldn't crush you under his weight. but before the kiss could go any further, you moved a hand to his chest and pushed him away, a look of hurt flashing in his eyes for a millisecond before being replaced by worry. maybe he was too bold, maybe you didn't actually want this, maybe maybe maybe. many other possibilities flew around in his mind but before he could get carried away, you spoke up, speaking words he never thought he would ever hear from your mouth.

"are you sure you want me, you want this?" you whispered uncertainly, voice shaking with emotion as you looked anywhere but at semi. semi, confused on where this was coming from, sat up and then pulled you with him, sitting at the edge of the bed and pulling you into his lap where he could watch your side profile even if you tried to hide your face.

"what do you mean, dove?" he questioned, wanting to get to the bottom of this sudden hesitation from you.

"i- i just mean like-" you spoke, pausing every few words because you weren't sure if you were ready to share the sudden flash of insecurity you felt. "you could have anybody you wanted, literally anyone at all, so why choose me?"

"are you kidding?" semi questioned incredulously, almost throwing his head back and laughing at the question though refraining before he could tell you were serious about it and he didn't want to give you any reason to get mad at him or leave. "look at you, dove, you're the most beautiful woman on the planet, nothing can change my mind about this fact."

"no i'm not, i'm really just average, there are so many more beautiful women out there," you responded, playing with your fingers in embarrassment at the conversation you two were having.

"hey, no, look at me," semi spoke, cupping your cheek and tilting your face up to look at him, his thumb gently tugging at your bottom lip to pull it out from between your teeth. "are you listening?" you nodded at his question, albeit shyly. "good. the first time i ever laid eyes on you, you stole my breath away. i couldn't believe someone as beautiful as you could ever exist. but it felt wrong to think of you in that way despite you being a legal adult. but now, you're here in my arms and i wouldn't change anything for the world. let me show you the love i feel for you in my heart, please beautiful." semi finished in a whisper, forehead dropping forward to rest against your own. you sighed at the admission, truly feeling the sincerity in his voice.

instead of answering, you leaned up and pressed your lips to his, arms moving to wrap around his neck as you kissed. with semi not moving from his seated position, you carefully shifted your own position so that you were straddling his lap, your lips not leaving his own as the musician deepened the kiss, licking at your bottom lip to gain entrance to your mouth. you granted him the access he desired.

as the kiss deepened, you rolled your hips, moaning at the friction you feel against your clothed cunt. semi let's out a hiss, pulling back from the kiss to watch your eyes roll back at the feeling of his growing erection. he loved this side of you, a side only he would ever get to see as he vowed to ruin you for anyone else. as you lost yourself in pleasure, semi carefully lifted your shirt over your head, his own shirt following yours onto the ground.

"you're so beautiful," semi murmured, taking in the sight of you, shirtless, before him. a blush bloomed on your face as semi fiddled with the clasps of your bra, unhooking it and watching as a little more of you was revealed. semi groaned at the sight, he couldn't help it, you were just so beautiful, so tempting. semi stood up, almost so suddenly you would've fallen had you not had the quick reflexes to wrap your legs around his waist.

semi was quick to throw you onto the bed and then climb on top of you, using his forearms on either side of your head to bare most of his weight. with this new position, he couldn't help the groan that escaped him at the sight of you beneath him. with one arm, he started to fiddle with your pants, causing you to giggle and help take your shorts off, with his being quick to follow. with the hand that had pulled off your shorts and fishnets, he cupped your warm cunt in his hand causing a moan to slip from your lips and grind down on his hand, wanting to feel friction against your pussy. semi watched your reactions, loving the fact that it was him that made you react this way, it was him that you were currently under. all those years of thinking he wasn't good enough, that he didn't deserve any love went out the window the moment you had first moaned for him.

without any warning, semi dragged a finger along your sopping slit and then inserted a finger into your hole, almost coming on the spot at the beautiful moan of pleasure that left your lips. you really were so reactive to him, evident by the way you were clenching around his finger. you gave another moan of pleasure as he curled his finger inside you, mouth falling open in pleasure when he added a second finger. this had you absolutely creaming around his fingers, a sign you were close to coming. with a few more thrusts, he pulled his fingers from your dripping hole, smirking at the whine you let out as he moved his hand up to lick his fingers clean of you, eyes closing in pleasure at just how sweet you tasted. it was better than he ever could've imagined, you were better than he ever could've imagined.

"you feel and taste so good, angel," semi murmured before he leaned forward to give you a sweet kiss on the lips. "but however pretty you may look coming on my fingers, you'll look even better coming on my cock."

"mm whatever you want, eita-san," you murmured, slowly opening your eyes to look up lovingly at the man before you.

"good girl," he murmured, kissing the side of your lips before rolling off you in order to reach into a drawer on the nightstand next to his side of the bed. you whined at the loss of his warmth before you rolled over as well, landing on top of him so you were straddling him.

"no need for that," you murmured upon realizing what he might be grabbing, reaching over to hold his hand in yours, fingers naturally intertwining. "m' on the pill. want to feel you, no barriers."

semi cursed softly at your admission, groaning at the feeling of you grinding down on him before he was quick to roll you both over so he was again hovering over you. "do you have any idea what you do to me?" he whispered against your lips, hands still clasped together as his other hand trailed from your hip to your thigh, prying open your thighs so he could drag his painfully hard erection along your soaking slit before entering you slowly, moving in bit by bit to allow you to grow accustomed to his size.

semi wasn't painfully large nor was he unnaturally long. he also wasn't short or small, but rather it felt like you were the lock to his key, you slotted together so perfectly. it was like he was made expressly for you and you for him, it was that perfect. once you'd grown accustomed to his size, you started to squirm beneath him, needing to feel his length move as you clamped down around it. semi couldn't help the chuckle that rumbled his chest and then traveled to yours, giggling at the feeling of the vibrations it gave off against your own chest.

as he started moving, he wrapped your leg around his hip to give him a better angle, allowing him to hit different areas you never even knew you had. you moaned as he continued his pace, head thrown back in pleasure which semi found extremely sexy. it stroked his ego to think of the fact he alone was able to bring this reaction out of you, he alone was able to see the side of you. as he continued pistoning in and out of you, he found you clenching tighter and tighter around him, a sign he came to realize meaning that you were close. with a few pleasurable thrusts, you came undone around him, coming on his cock and arm sling around his neck, moaning beautifully against his neck.

he continued to thrust in and out of you, chasing his own high.

"wanna feel- inside-" you babbled, a groan leaving semi at your words, coming inside you and filling you with his seed. after all, who was he to deny you?

with a final thrust, his collapsed on top of you, his now softened cock still inside you and plugging up your hole, keeping both your and his cum inside you.

"so good f'me," semi murmured, peppering soft kisses against your neck that caused you to giggle. "can i make a confession?"

exposing more of your neck to him, you spoke up breathlessly, a quiet yes slipping between your lips as you started to drag your fingers through his hair, pulling softly at his his hair each time he kissed an especially sensitive spot.

"i'm in love with you, have been since i first laid eyes on you," he murmured, looking up into your now wide eyes before softly kissing you on the lips.

"i think i'm in love with you too," you whispered against his lips, a moan surfacing after your words as you felt his teeth digging into a rather sensitive spot on your neck as if in response to your submission.

"then marry me?" semi questioned, causing your eyes to shoot open as you stared at him with wide eyes.

"b- but you're still married," you sputtered. "and what about your fans? and aiko? and what about-"

"shh," semi murmured, silencing you with a finger to your lips. "i'm in the process of getting a divorce, it's just been taking a long while because that woman has been refusing to meet with our lawyers. my fans don't need to know anything, you will be my secret, i don't want to share you with anyone. as for aiko, we can talk to her if you wish, however she has said she approves of us so long as i don't hurt you, which i could honestly never do. you're too precious to me, i could never see myself hurting you, angel."

"so she threatened you, too, huh?" you murmured, almost to yourself though semi was able to just barely catch your words, a laugh escaping him as he realized aiko had used the same threat for both of them. "relax, i want this, i want you, and nothing will stop me from getting you. i will even chase you to the ends of the earth if i must."

"i want you too, eita-san," you whispered, pulling him down to connect your lips and his in a passionate and heated kiss. if he wasn't carefully, his softening cock would surely become erect again, especially considering your current intimacy. he was, after all, still inside you.

"so then do you accept?" semi questioned happily, peppering kisses from the corner of your lips to your neck where he gave you a fresh hickey.

"i do accept," you responded, a moan escaping your lips as he continued to leave hickeys along your neck.

needless to say, that night was very...busy, though aiko had been none the wiser to what was going on because true to his word, semi had in fact soundproofed his room.

it wasn't until the next day that aiko found out about the proposal, not that you or semi had said anything about it. if it hadn't of been for the large rock on your left ring finger, she would've been left in the dark until you and semi had decided to break the news to her. but the moment she saw the ring, she let out a high pitched screech which had alerted you and semi to her presence as she rushed from the doorway of the kitchen to your side where you sat on the island, not even taking notice of the fact you wore a large shirt that belonged to semi that covered your shorts.

"you- my dad- he- i- you- when-" she stuttered, picking up your hand as she studied the ring on your finger.

you and semi simply shared a loving look over her head, both of you smiling softly as semi responded that you'd made it official last night. if aiko had seen that look, she might've walked out of the kitchen in mock disgust, however her attention was too focused on the ring.

"actually, aiko," you spoke up softly, watching as your best friend continued staring at your ring. "we were hoping you would keep this a secret between the three of us."

"of course, but do you mind if i ask why?" aiko questioned, finally taking her eyes off the ring to look between you and her father.

"we have three reasons," semi responded, continuing to make breakfast for the three of you. "the first being that i'm still not divorced yet, so if she was to get word of this, she could use this to get even more undeserved attention."

"yeah, that sounds like something she'd do," aiko muttered under her breath.

"the second reason being my manager would have a fit," semi continued as if aiko hadn't spoken. "he was adamant on my keeping up my image of being a happily married man with a happy family. however recent events have persuaded him to allow my divorce and now he wants to sell me as a recently divorced bachelor with a kid to appeal to...other crowds. or something, i don't entirely understand what goes through his twisted mind."

"what a questionable manager you have," aiko muttered, moving to sit beside you on the island to read your twitter feed over your shoulder.

"the final reason is because, well, i don't want to share y/n with anyone," semi finished, sending you a loving look to which you blushed at, aiko silently gagging beside you.

aiko was quick to hop down from the island when she noticed semi walking towards you. she really didn't want to be in the room when you guys started kissing, that was a sight she would much rather live without so she stole a piece of toast from the plate semi had set the finished pieces on before she headed out to the dining room, calling over her shoulder for them to hurry up with their lovey-dovey shit so they could eat.

semi responded with a comment for her to be patient as he stood between your thighs, hands resting on the island countertop beside your thighs to cage you in and give you a kiss. you giggled into the kiss, arms flying around his neck to pull him closer to you, chest to chest as he moved his hands from the island to your ass, pulling you to the edge of the counter to pull you flush against him, tilting his head slightly to deepen the kiss. before the kiss could get any more explicit, you pulled back slightly, giggling as semi tried to chase your lips, though you kept pulling back, always barely out of his reach so that you could catch your breath.

"aiko's waiting for us, let's go eat," you whispered to a playfully annoyed semi who refused to allow you to move from his hold.

"she can wait, i cannot," semi growled, eyes narrowing at you as you continued to giggle.

"the food will get cold," you responded, not backing down. "besides, we can continue this after breakfast when my best friend isn't in the room next door."

"i agree, listen to her," aiko called from the dining room that sat adjacent to the kitchen. "besides, i'm starving so hurry up dad."

"what a cockblock," semi muttered as he pulled away, causing you to burst into laughter as you hop down from the island, collecting plates and cutlery that you would need for your breakfast while semi trailed behind with the food, all the while muttering about how he'd pay aiko back, just she wait.

the rest of that morning passed into afternoon where aiko soon left the house to meet with her boyfriend, leaving the newly engaged couple to continue what had been started in the kitchen.

needless to say, that summer break passed in a blur and you were reluctant to part ways with semi for another four months, the only thing pushing you to go being the promise of your secret marriage happening during winter break, as well as the promise of a spot in semi's bands dance group so you could travel with him during tours after you graduated in a semester.

— 2023 ⓒ ensemblesmile, do not repost or translate my work. comments, likes, and reblogs appreciated

[ohgaylor]

IT MUST BE EXHAUSTING (AN ANALYSIS)

Hi. Taylor’s the problem. And she knows it. (affectionate)

All right friends. It’s time to dive into an analysis again. I’ve been reflecting on a lot of Midnights and Taylor’s ever-present self-deprecation this era and in my regular fashion, I had to make an extremely long-winded analysis post about a certain motif of hers that I’ve noticed has only grown more apparent this time around. and essentially that is her self-awareness toward her ever-ambiguous signaling in regard to her identity, and where she is positioned in the complicated and delicate journey of coming out, as well as the plethora of emotions that surround that for both herself and her fans and those of us who pick up on the queer coded subtext of her music and art.

to kick off this analysis, may I remind you of this beauty of a quote from Taylor’s 2018 reputation tour pride speech that prefaced Delicate?

I want to send my love and respect to everybody who in their journey and in their life hasn't yet felt comfortable enough to come out ... and may you do that on your own time and may we end up with a world where everyone can live and love equally and no one has to be afraid to say how they feel. When it comes to feelings and when it comes to love and searching for someone to spend your whole life with, it’s all just really really delicate.

That is quite possibly my favorite thing she’s ever said. and what inspired this tag.

Now I need to clarify up front — I am never insinuating a need or even desire for Taylor to come out. Because that’s not our place to say. If you’ve been around my blog long enough, I would hope that nuance would be apparent. I simply point out regular motifs and patterns within her art and how it correlates with queer-coded themes of closets, of almost coming out, of outright queer coding, of rainbows, of keeping a love secret and safe, and on and on and on. The signs are there if you know what to look for (re: “I gave so many signs”) and that’s what I explore on my blog. The point is, I will never demand she come out. But I will stand with her in this complex journey she appears to be on. It’s entirely her journey and however she wishes to navigate that is hers to decide.

but that doesn’t detract from the reality that for those of us who see this beautiful queer subtext of her art and music and visuals and work and self, the ambiguity and constant back-and-forth when it comes to her identity (and the idea of coming out) can in fact be a lot to try and process and understand and ultimately to reconcile as we root for her. Trying to understand where she stands is much like chasing a moving target. (not that she owes any explanation to us, because again, she doesn’t.) her art and creativity are her place of expression and catharsis. however, watching her navigate these complexities and trying to root for her in this sometimes messy space is also, dare I say, exhausting.

hence, the title and general theme of this analysis.

so let’s begin.

First, we have this verse in Anti-Hero which is the perfect setup to illustrate this specific motif,

I should not be left to my own devices They come with prices and vices I end up in crises Tale as old as time

This is essentially the thesis of Taylor’s message, the feeling that her own judgement and actions might be the very cause for certain crises she finds herself in, however enticing those vices and choices may be. In choosing to straddle a glass-closeted lifestyle as an artist at her status and level of fame, all the while heavily queer-coding to her (receptive) audiences, only to be seen by most others as the hallmark of straight women as per her highly publicized bearding, juggling this all can be overwhelming. But it’s also a space that she has essentially curated and perpetuated herself.

An anti-hero is a central character in a narrative who conspicuously lacks heroic, moral qualities:

Although antiheroes may sometimes perform actions that are morally correct, it is not always for the right reasons, often acting primarily out of self-interest or in ways that defy conventional ethical codes.

Identifying herself as the anti-hero in this sense comes as a candid confession, as though she is admitting that maybe she is driven by self-interest. (which again, she is entitled to as we all are in our own lives.) (re: the jokes weren’t funny, I took the money, my friends at home don’t know what to say) Alternatively, and perhaps additionally, acting out of self-interest in this context may mean concealment of parts of her identity for the sake of self-preservation. The nuances behind why she hasn’t chosen to come out are at play here and I doubt any of us can fully comprehend what that is exactly.

I never had the courage of my convictions, as long as danger is near

Pouring out my heart to a stranger but I didn’t pour the whiskey

Combat, I'm ready for combat. I say I don't want that, but what if I do? 'Cause cruelty wins in the movies. I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you … Dark side, I search for your dark side. But what if I'm alright, right, right, right here?

You can easily grasp the intense oscillation as she goes back and forth between these decisions while juggling a myriad of reasons and factors, all of which are incredibly weighted. She knows it’s exhausting for us because it’s that much more exhausting for herself.

So, she elects to pursue a route all too familiar to closeted individuals in the public eye, one of bearding and concealing their identity.

I had some tricks up my sleeve … Perched in the dark, telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear, like it could be love, I could be the way forward, only if they pay for it … the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up

I took the money. My friends from home don't know what to say.

The cost at which this lifestyle comes is worthy of an analysis all on its own. But Taylor seems to be indicating that she has found safety and security in her self-made cages and closets of sorts.

I prefer hiding in plain sight

‘Cause shade never made anybody less gay

If the shoe fits, walk in it 'til your high heels break

My town was a wasteland, full of cages, full of fences*, pageant queens and big pretenders. But for some, it was paradise.

In the darkest little paradise

(also, note the *fences. I’ll come back to that later.)

She brings focus to the fact that her town was full of cages and fences, which initially may carry a negative connotation. But here’s where she turns it around and says that for some, it was place of paradise, that the self-made cages brought security and freedom. That the idea of “forever” is in fact the sweetest con. That the good life she was hustling for through the tricks she had up her sleeve is within grasp. That this could be the way forward. Tell me that doesn’t scream a queer-coded experience?

But knowing Taylor and the complicated nature of this deeply personal topic, there is also a level of remorse regarding the said-cages and choices that had put her in crisis.

I cut off my nose just to spite my face, then hate my reflection for years and years

I’ve got a hundred thrown out speeches I almost said to you

I’d pay if you’d just know me

Now, despite the way she has managed to remain glass-closeted, a large subset of her fans and the general public completely miss what she is signaling in regard to her queerness. (re: “I gave so many signs / you didn’t even see the signs”) but it appears she is feeling some remorse for the devices she’s used and the way she’s navigated things because she knows that she’ll be the one paying for it.

So again, Taylor fully acknowledges she’s the problem. She endlessly dances around the topic, sometimes to an extreme (re: “bent the truth too far tonight,” Bettygate and specifying a male perspective despite widespread interpretation of the alternative; similar thing with Lavendergate, etc etc) She writes from “male perspectives” so as to have a way to write female pronouns. She uses pseudonyms for similar motives. She equates herself with gay pride and places herself adjacent to the community repeatedly, and dances in Gaylor Park and rainbow kaleidoscopes. She dresses in rainbow attire and gives speeches emphasizing the delicacy of coming out and on and on, all while also remaining straight-passing. It’s complicated and messy and indeed exhausting.

sending signals to be double-crossed

I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror. It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

no doubt these devices and choices have come at a cost. first, the personal cost of remaining closeted (or in the very least, glass closeted) by her own making. The nature by which she has driven her career, of “taking the money” and pursuing a career (and by extension, following heteronormative cultural standards of remaining closeted), all point to the self-made cages she twists in.

recall the Delicate pride speech…

I want to send my love and respect to everybody who in their journey and in their life hasn't yet felt comfortable enough to come out ... and may you do that on your own time

That is a major theme for her. The idea that through a closeted state, certain freedoms can coexist.

We know Taylor has made a point to emphasize the comfort she has found in keeping elements of her life to herself post her apocalyptic summer. And the way she has largely receded her personal life from the public eye is telling. In an effort to protect the “real stuff”, she is withholding from others and has found safety in that.

Privacy sign on the door and on my page and on the whole world, romance is not dead if you keep it just yours.

She knows it’s not always a world that some would choose to be a part of. She describes it as a wasteland, likely desolate, harkening back to cowboy like me. A place where hustling for the good life, perching in the dark as con artists (or pageant queens and big pretenders) and telling all the rich folks anything they want to hear like “it could be love” is all too familiar.

It’s a painful dichotomy she fully explores in The Archer, recognizing that maybe it’s her lot in life to straddle these lines of staying where she is, perched in the dark, while wanting to step into the daylight and let it go.

and that’s where the second cost comes in — in how those of us who see her for what she is signaling herself to be, are ultimately left to ourselves to make sense of it.

It’s the same kind of essence of this fantastic analysis regarding coney island and her apology of not making us certain subsets of her fans and communities her centerfold.

Being left to her own devices, she has ultimately crafted a duplicitous persona, of which she has spoken about specifically when discussing mirrorball…

Everybody else feels like they have to be on for certain people. You have to be different versions of yourself for different people. Different versions at work, different versions around friends, different versions of yourself around different friends. Different version of yourself around family. Everybody has to be duplicitous, or feels that they have to in some ways, be duplicitous. And that’s part of the human experience, but it’s also exhausting. You kind of learn that every one of us has the ability to become a shape-shifter. But what does that do to us?

Is it self-preservation? Or self-made self-destruction? (re: “they told me all of my cages were mental” “what a shame she’s fucked in the head” “lost in the labyrinth of my mind”)

Among the various anxieties that plague her in regard to this subject, Taylor makes one fear very clear. And that is for some inevitable day where we will leave her after we’ve had enough of “her scheming”.

'Cause they see right through me, they see right through me, they see right through. Can you see right through me?

I wake up screaming from dreaming One day I'll watch as you're leaving 'Cause you got tired of my scheming For the last time

These desperate prayers of a cursed man spilling out to you for free, but darling, darling, please, you wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking if you knew where I was walking

Will you forgive my soul when you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

She will get as close as she can to the topic, (“Gay pride… everything that makes me me!” to name just one) only to pull back or leave it ambiguous and devoid of clarity…

I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face Then I hate my reflection for years and years

…only to feel guilt for skirting around the topic…

You said I was freeloading … I bent the truth too far tonight, I was dancing around, dancing around it … Your picket fence is sharp as knives, I was dancing around, dancing around it

This to me is the a significant price that comes from her being left to her own devices. Yes, there is freedom that comes from closeting/bearding. But glass closeting brings a more painful mess of emotions for both the closet-er and those seeing it for what it is. This is what she addresses in Anti-Hero with painful clarity.

And sometimes this can come at a painful cost. Take YNTCD for example. In this video, she positions herself within the queer community, dancing in Gaylor Park, and boldly declares herself an advocate for LGBTQIA rights.

But as we know, the video was met by many as out-of-touch (re: “freeloading”), performative and whatever else critics were spewing.

motion capture put me in a bad light. I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone, trying to find the one where I went wrong. writing letters addressed to the fire

Now for a detour.

I want to talk about the purple / blue / lavender glitter for a minute. Here, in the Directors on Directors interview, Taylor describes the glitter as being a metaphor for herself...

It’s supposed to be a metaphor for like, I bleed glitter, I’m not normal, there’s something wrong with me, I’m not a person, I don’t belong, I don’t fit in anywhere.

Recall how I said chasing a moving target?

Let’s talk about the significance of this scene and a handful of others in terms of the lavender glitter.

[For some queer context regarding glitter]

I’d first like to point out Hayley Kiyoko’s purple glitter jacket above, from the YNTCD video. This is Hayley Kiyoko we’re talking about. The proclaimed Lesbian Jesus. And in this moment, while she is wearing the purple glitter jacket, she is aiming an arrow at a target, signifying The Archer. This moment is key.

And then you have the Miss Americana documentary, wherein Taylor explicitly equates herself with gay pride, while talking about the Me! music video.

It’s a line of dialogue that screams at me with such intensity. Irrefutable. As a film editor, I know that every line in a film is deliberately placed and thought out and meticulously addressed. And therefore we can trust that Taylor intended for this line to make it into the film. I can tell that surrounding dialogue is seemingly trimmed and crafted in a delicate way. And part of that is the very direct statement that “Gay pride…everything that makes me, me!”

And it’s within this music video that we again witness a massive “ME!” literally jumping out at us on screen, in none other than purple glitter.

A handful of others could sense that the conclusion of Miss Americana felt as thought it was headed in a different direction than the one it ultimately took. And that for whatever reason, Taylor’s political advocacy took center stage while a deeper analysis regarding her LGBTQIA advocacy did not.

Cut back to the Anti-Hero music video where we get The Archer aiming right for Taylor, and striking her, causing her to bleed, yet again, purple glitter.

Pierced through the heart but never killed… did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism, like some kind of congressman

My covert (secret) narcissism (ME!) I disguise as altruism like some kind of congressman (the political turn and advocacy present in Miss Americana)

In other words, covering up who she is (“gay pride… everything that makes me me!”) under the guise of a film almost exclusively focused on her journey of discovering her political (“Vote for me for everything” pin) activist voice. And what scene depicts this with near precision???

this one.

motion capture put me in a bad light. I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone, trying to find the one where I went wrong. writing letters addressed to the fire

'cause cruelty wins in the movies, I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

The subsequent look on her face of absentminded agony says it all. She knows the confusion that comes from rooting for her as (especially if she is seen as an ally who maybe crosses one too many lines if presumably as straight.)

The inner-turmoil on display for us in The Archer has transformed into a tone all too exhausted in its own right within Anti-Hero. She knows we’re tired. She’s tired too. In a self-deprecating jab, she admits that she is the problem and she knows that everybody ultimately agrees with her on this. Shielded within a pop anthem, her vulnerability is on display. And so, in Dear Reader, with equal parts desperation as well as wit, she concludes…

You should find another guiding light, guiding light. But I shine so bright.

And so it is ultimately within this utterly messy, exhausting, complicated, ever-changing and nuanced journey that Taylor reaches out to those of us who do in fact see through her and who ultimately simply see her, that she asks us in all sincerity…

Who could stay? Who could stay? Who could stay? You could stay.

And I, for one, will stay.

[enjoy my other analyses here]

[daisyswift3]

hey I'm pretty new to gaylor stuff and am just wondering, why are the daisy socks important? Just wannna know how crazy I should be going over this lol

Hi and welcome to the gaylorverse!! 🤗 The daisies are one of the most obvious pieces of gaylor/kaylor evidence and they were the nail in the coffin for me when I first fell down the rabbit hole 🌼

It all started when Karlie and Taylor took a trip to Big Sur, California in early March 2014. They took a bunch of pics of their trip and this daisy makes a cameo in many of them (you can search “big sur” on my blog to read more abt it). The most important of these pics is the one where Karlie tags Taylor as the daisy on the dashboard and captions it w “best road trip ever.” This is referenced in Don’t Blame Me—“I once was poison ivy but now I’m your daisy.” Also “trip of my life” is a double entendre here bc she’s not only talking abt tripping on drugs but also abt this road trip. To add more evidence to this theory the original handwritten lyrics include a drawing of a daisy that looks exactly like the one on the dashboard w the same positioning and all.

Plus Karlie was a literal VS angel hence all the angel/heaven imagery in Don’t Blame Me and many other songs—“Halo hiding my obsession / I would fall from grace just to touch your face / Lord save me” // “Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes” // “I know heaven’s a thing, I go there when you touch me,” etc. And when she was making the song (1:00 of this vid) she said she wanted it to sound religious.

She mentioned in this vid that she has repeatedly used clothing and jewelry as easter eggs over the yrs which is why the daisy socks are a big deal. She’s extremely intentional w everything she does (she’s a mastermind after all) so it’s unlikely this is all a coincidence. She still uses daisies in her art and wears lots of clothes w daisies to this day which is one of many indicators that they probs haven’t broken up. Here’s a great post showing many of these instances. Here are some other times she’s worn daisies: (x)(x)(x)(x). There are countless other times daisies have shown up but I don’t have time to cover them all.

Fletcher and Kelsea Ballerini, who are Taylor’s friends and were invited to her after party not long ago, also took a trip to Big Sur in 2022 where they took a pic identical to the 2015 Vogue photoshoot pic and Polaroid shown above. This photoshoot was a recreation of their 2014 Big Sur trip. See here and here. This issue was released on Galentines Day, the same day Style was released as a single.

Also, Girl in Red recently mentioned at the eras tour that Serotonin, which has the lyrics “put me in a field with daisies,” was Taylor’s most listened to song. Taylor gifted her a painting she made w these exact lyrics.

[theoutsanityshoppe]

Hello! I have a fun story about how I found your blog! I have this OC that I really really love a lot, so I got myself a custom crochet doll of him off of etsy with some christmas money. And while i was searching for which artist to go with, i came across one who was using your little fire-headed detective guy as an example and i thought it was a really cute little design! i can't remember if i did end up going with that artist or a different one but his design really stuck out in my mind because i thought it was so neat. flash forward a bit and i see a commission advertising post from cubesona, who was using that same character as an example and i'm like "oh shit it's this guy again!". and because it was tax return season i got myself that cubesona commission of the same OC i'd gotten the doll of as a little treat for myself. and then we come to recently when i saw cubesona posting the drawing of my boy on his tumblr, and of course i went looking through the tags to see what people were saying about him. and i saw you had called him pretty and it made me really happy! so i go check the post and lo and behold i see the same little firey guy in your header! and i'm like "oh shit! it's all come full circle!!" so uh yeah neither of us knew it but i've kinda been following you for a little bit it seems alsdkjf

This is the single greatest story I could have heard this morning I FREAKING LOVE THIS.

I am suuuuuuuuuuper curious now if you went with the same etsy artist cuz I LOVE her stuff - I actually have two OC's by her and I plan on getting more later! That one, the crochet of Flint, was also the first doll I ever got of him! [I have four now hahahah I keep doing the same as you and every time I have a little extra saved money left over from things I use it to treat my self with more things of my boy] Otherwise that is just CRAZY that it went full circle like that!! I'm glad I have him in my header too since I post all my art to a secondary art blog ahhaha and yes!! your OC IS pretty!!! I loved his design and I absolutely want to know more about him! The one thing I wish cubesona did differently was put actual links/tags to us instead of just typing out our usernames cuz idk if that means the person is on tumblr, on twitter, on some other site... and I don't wanna search haha XD And also!! Thank you for the compliments on Flint~!!! It makes me very happy to hear he pops out to people when they see him adkfgjag I'm extremely proud of his design. ;v; I would be lying too if I said I wasn't saving screencaps of artist who use their art of my boy in their commission examples because it makes me INSANELY proud as an artist ksfdjgakjdfg

@kingkaibosh

[more-than-a-princess]

mun meme

𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍!

★  NAME:  Rae

★  PRONOUNS:  she/her.

★  BEST EXPERIENCE:  I'm...not actually sure what this means? Is this the best RP you've ever written, or where you've enjoyed writing the most? I have no clue, actually. But I tend to prefer 1x1 storylines in a chatroom or email-based format. Tumblr isn't my favorite place to write, honestly: but it's one of the most active, so I'm here.

★  PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: If we haven't written much/at all and you don't enjoy plotting or interacting OOC? Tumblr IMs are fine with me. If you like plotting and sharing a bunch of art/aesthetics/reddit threads that remind me of our muse(s)? Then discord is best. Bryn can attest to this, because I will spam her with memes from relevant muse/aesthetic tags.

★  MOST ACTIVE MUSE: I only keep up one blog right now, so it's Sonia. I don't have a lot of time or energy to write much at present, so juggling two blogs would be very hard. I miss writing Fujiko Mine, though.

★  EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS: I started roleplaying in 1999. My RP experience is old enough to have a mid-life crisis. I have probably been roleplaying longer, or just as long, as some of you have been alive and this knowledge sends me into...well, a mid-life crisis.

★  RP PET PEEVES:  

I've been roleplaying for a long time. I have quite a few, but I'll share some of them.

Muns who do not read rules, or a blog in general. Not just for the sake of boundaries, but just to even get an idea of activity, writing style, and so forth of the blog they're hoping to write with. Maybe it's because I've only written canon muses for the past 15 years or so, but when I've had blogs on tumblr or Livejournal, I've found that I'll get followed by other blogs interested purely in interacting with a canon muse without any regard for writing style, frequency, or other essential components that factor into good writing partner chemistry. Admittedly, this has happened plenty of times because someone wanted a romantic ship with whatever canon muse I happened to be writing without even asking if I wanted to ship my muse with theirs, or had any interest in writing romance at all. I feel like a lot of misunderstanding or bad communication would be helped if some people really looked at the accounts they're trying to interact with, beyond just wanting to write with that character.

Muns with canon muses who do not write out actual bios, or just link to a character's wiki page. Look, it seems like quite a double standard if we as a roleplaying community ask OC writers to produce a small novel describing their muses so canon writers have an idea of where they might fit in a canon or original verse and, in turn, canon writers give absolutely nothing in return to how they portray their muses. Anyone can do an internet search on a canon muse: I want to know how you see and portray your canon muse. Doubly so if you are a new blog with no IC content. Do not assume every mun is familiar with your canon muse, and do not assume that even if a mun is familiar with your muse, they'll interpret them the same way you do. Show your followers how you see them, show your followers how you write!

And the last pet peeve I'll share: muns who drop threads/blogs before interactions even get a chance to start. Doubly so if they clearly just wanted to write a romantic ship without any real chemistry or interactions. I don't mind when writing partners take time with replies: I actually prefer that to muns who reply in 24-72 hours, because it gives me some time to breathe in-between replies and brainstorm about what could happen next. And I don't mind at all when muns have other commitments, jobs, and hobbies that are in need of their attention: if we have interactions going and someone needs to step away for a little while (and it's communicated!), that's understandable.

What I don't like are muns, often with new blogs, who either abandon the blog entirely or constantly ask for new memes, asks, and interactions when we've got active threads going. It's one thing to not have muse, but when you're actively soliciting new threads without replying to ours and not communicating that you'd like to just drop threads?

Yeah. I just don't have time for that. That sort of writing habit works for some muns, but I enjoy long threads with complex storylines (some of which have taken years to write!). I like slow-burn romances, humor, drama, and the progression of life and situations between muses. I'm not fond of one-off interactions that never really form a plot, if that makes sense.

★   PLOTS OR MEMES: Yes! I think memes are great to start off but if my writing partner is wanting to build off initial interactions, then I think plotting is best. Especially if writing partners are looking to write romantic ships: I pretty much exclusively plot these at this point.

★  ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S)?: Sonia and I both enjoy tea, chocolate, anime, and horror movies (she likes anime and horror movies more than I do). We also both have similar fashion styles (preppy/tailored/classic with traditionally feminine touches) and come from families with some Rich People Problems. Otherwise, she is the most cheerful glass-half-full sort of woman and I have predominantly resting bitch face and a degree in sarcasm. I also love historical fiction and royalty gossip and news far more than she does.

tagged by: @rolliesanimeclub

tagging: @quickdeaths, @dcviated, and you. I was this close to tagging all of my over-30 brethren in the RPC because you are seen and valid (and also if you're like me probably tired).

[friendofhayley]

I posted 8,421 times in 2022

32 posts created (0%)

8,389 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@amateurd18

@queerstatisticaloutlier

@officialqueer

@sapphichalo

@iamaqualady

I tagged 3,035 of my posts in 2022

#p: peter pan - 590 posts

#me - 302 posts

#larrie hijinks - 263 posts

#p: cupcake - 262 posts

#1d - 236 posts

#fanart - 214 posts

#q - 147 posts

#art - 117 posts

#read later - 112 posts

#fic rec - 111 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#liam is desperately in love with louis but the world is literally ending. include polyamory and zouis friendship for the fluffiest read!

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

A YOU moodboard // aesthetic challenge.

Thank you @itsallaboutcalum for tagging me to do this! I love tag games like this and it was so fun.

tagging: @homosociallyyours @gremlingraves @horrorandseance @amerequeer @magnificentharlot and any other mutuals who want to do it!

(rules are under the cut)

to make your own moodboard go to *pinterest* and search:

(I also used Google with "unsplash" and "pexels" instead of pinterest)

1. favourite colour + aesthetic

2. favourite colour + outfit + aesthetic

3. favourite colour + shoes (choose one that goes with your style)

4. favourite colour + an accessory you like

5. type a word that identifies you + quote (choose one that goes with you)

6. favourite celebrity + favourite colour

7. type your favourite hobby

8. favourite colour + aesthetic again

9. favourite colour + favourite word + aesthetic

6 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

#4

Friendofhayley's Top Books of 2022 Pt. 1 LGBTQIA+ Fiction

This Book Rec is on LGBTQ+ books (realistic fiction edition). It includes 5 books. Let's go!!

I'll Be the One by Lyla Lee | F/M both bisexual!! This book follows Skye, a Korean-American bisexual girl in high school who wants to be the next K-Pop star. Her dancing is incredible but the biggest barrier to everyone else is her body. As someone is half-Korean and considered plus-size in that culture, this book definitely felt like something I've always wanted. It hurt but I definitely understood every character's intentions and I loved every second of it. (Even the painful parts. Do we all have mommy issues??) I will definitely read this again whenever I'm feeling down after hearing another Ajumma comment on my body.

"There are so many forms of Asian-parent tough love, where parents say and do mean things only because they want the best for us. Is all of that “tough love” abusive? What distinguishes tough-love parenting from abuse? After all, Mom did say she’s afraid of what other people might say about me. Even though she is mostly afraid that people might think she’s a bad parent, isn’t the fact that she’s worried about me a good thing?"

See the full post

7 notes - Posted December 7, 2022

#3

Welcome to 2022 everyone! And welcome to the December 2021 multifandom fic rec roundup. Thank you to all the content creators who have ever written a word, drafted a pic, or even just brainstormed! We would be lost without you. This fic rec includes 12 fics from the Witcher, IT, Teen Wolf, and Harry Potter fandoms. Fics that ruined me are in asteriks. Enjoy!

Geraskier (The Witcher)

1. Jaskier Meets the Wolves of Kaer Morhen (series) by TheSupernova | Wolves love Jaskier - suspicious but loving Lambert - established relationship - Fae Jaskier - 2+ parts

When he took a contract to kill a kikimora, the last thing Lambert expected was to run into his brother. Scratch that, the last thing he expected was to run into Geralt and a bard, the latter of whom seems overly familiar with his brother despite Lambert never having heard of him. It's the sort of thing he'd walk away from, if Geralt wasn't hurt.

Gods, he should've walked away.

2. Jaskier: Part time bard, part time courtesan, full time collector of Witchers by CertainlyNotRoach (Sweet Candy) | instead of changing Witchers' reputation through some it's just stories of sexual prowess - jealous puppy Lambert - hasn't gone to the Geraskier part yet - Wolves, Vipers, Cats, oh my! - 24k+

Jaskier was the second most popular whore in all of Oxenfurt because his attention wasn’t an act; Jaskier fell in love easily and with almost everyone around him. He fell out of love just as quickly, which was a blessing because even a bard can only take so much heartbreak, but just a smile, a word, a glance or even a gesture and he was hopelessly in love. He loved almost all his customers earnestly and they always left with a spring in their step, a pleased blush on their cheeks or a small, secretive smile on kiss swollen lips.

He was authentic. Who knew that it would be his personality and not his species that would draw Witchers to him like moths to a flame?

3. to grow in adversity by @b-witchered | I just love the trope of Jaskier being the brother of the scariest women on the Continent - slow-burn - character studies of women - Jaskier is the sun, Renfri is the moon - 117k+

“For you!” Julian cried, shoving a fistful of weeds in Renfri’s direction, his smile wide and carefree. Renfri carefully took them in her hands that were only shaking a little bit now, smearing red onto green stems and yellow petals.

Julian clambered into the bed beside her and crawled halfway onto her lap. “I got you flowers, ‘cause you’re so pretty like them!”

“These aren’t flowers, they’re weeds,” Renfri told him, rolling her eyes but allowing the contact with ease. Some days it seemed like Julian was the only person in the entire castle who wasn’t afraid of her.

4. resist death, make trouble by @partialresonance | what if...Jaskier was super tortured? - dissociation - Geralt loves Jaskier - CW: aftermath of torture - 28k

Eventually, Jaskier settles down on the bed. When he’s been silent for several long moments Geralt cracks open an eye. The light from the fire in the hearth is more than enough to see by for his enhanced eyesight. Jaskier is curled up on the bed, back to the wall and limbs gathered up to his chest. It’s a childlike pose that strikes a dissonant chord in Geralt’s chest. He remembers spending nights with Jaskier in other inns, in camps on the roadside, and Jaskier sprawls when he sleeps. Limbs flung out in every direction, sometimes close enough to grasp for Geralt’s warmth.

5. Dandelion Lies by Hum My Name (My_Kind_of_Crazy) | show and book Dandelion merging, kinda - oof, this hurted - Geralt loves Jaskier - Jaskier & Yennifer friendship - 14k

After a less than favourable interaction with Rience, Jaskier knows someone has to warn Geralt about the mage hunting him down. But with the mountain and Geralt's harsh words still fresh in his mind, Jaskier can't bring himself to greet Geralt in the same way.

Enter a pretty new disguise and a pretty new man introducing himself to the witcher as "Dandelion."

6. *the roads we walk are winding* by @geniusorinsanity | fuck, this fic is a new classic - spin-off of the Warlord trope - this will hurt, but you'll enjoy it - found family - 67k

Jaskier doesn’t actually know how much time has passed since the black-cloaked Nilfgaardians grab him after a performance in a shitty tavern in the backcountry of northern Kaedwen. He’d assumed--foolishly, apparently--that he was far enough north that any Nilfgaardian soldiers would be few and far between, likely just scouts or even deserters. It would have been hard to actually get any further north--the little backwater town where he’d been singing was just a day from the mountains. Anymore travel, and he’d find himself skirting the Trail up to Kaer Morhen, the Warlord’s Keep, and, well. He’s brazen, but not that brazen.

Reddie (IT)

7. mirror of a bad dream by @gaydaryl | I'm a slut for single dad Richie - Richie's daughter is a lesbian Zoomer and I love her - found family - the Turtle can give magic powers - CW: underage drug use - 55k

“I already changed the tickets. You should change your passwords.”

Richie blinks, outraged. “I told you to stop going through my emails!”

Andy gives him a look like yeah, and? which is on-brand, for his kid. “So make better life choices than leaving your phone unlocked and crisis puking at eight in the morning, dude.”

8. *i already miss these days (i still look at the sun)* by jaeminz | Eddie is hard-core thirsting over single dad Richie the whole time, it's hilarious - good father Richie - most of the fic is the Disney vacation after Derry - everyone lives - 30k

Richie Tozier is forty one years old, a moderately successful radio host, and his biggest concern is whether or not his daughter will see and refuse to eat the broccoli in the baked macaroni he just popped into the oven.

Then Mike Hanlon calls.

Sterek (Teen Wolf)

9. Start Small, Like Oat Trees by @sterekationstation | healing together - post-Nogitsune - I'm gonna say Scott's a shitty friend, because it's true! - good dad Sheriff - 24k

The months following Allison's death have passed Stiles by in a haze of monotony. He sleepwalks through days that seem to lose their color, an unwilling passenger in a body he no longer trusts.

See the full post

16 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

#2

I've done it again! Here's another fic rec centred around a character and several ships. This time I fell into a Harry Potter flavoured wormhole. Thank you to all content creators who help us get through the slog of seasonal depression. This fic rec includes 8 fics starring Drarry, Draco/Gred and /Forge, and Gen that I read this month. Asterisks denote special fics that made me cry and/or laugh hysterically.

Drarry

1. *Romania* by toxik_angel | this fic was everything to me - queerplatonic relationships - guiltridden and redeemed Draco - character growth - 178k

When Healer Draco Malfoy sees an opening for a Healer in Romania, he's struck with the urge to leave St. Mungo's so they know exactly how much he does for them. Serves them right, the way they treat him.

Never mind that Harry Potter is in Romania, big and buff and sexier than ever. Never mind that he's a Dragon Tamer. Never mind that Dragon Taming is a dangerous profession and would require Draco to heal Potter often...

2. Sourdough by @academicdisaster24 | CW: mention of suicide - cottagecore with mental illness thrown in - do not read on an empty stomach - agoraphobic Draco - 17k

Draco writes romance novels and doesn't leave his apartment much. Harry bakes bread and sells it to Draco. Draco is quite weird. Harry might like that.

3. *To Change a Heart* by sirkay - Luna & Ginny & Draco friendship - mutual pining - hot take on Harry as a Horcrux - Groundhog day AU - 120k

Draco fails to kill Dumbledore on the Astronomy Tower, but when he wakes up the next morning, he's back in his bed at Hogwarts. He's reliving the same day over and over, and to escape he might need help from unlikely places.

4. Falling for a Golden Boy by @stargazing-enby | crack treated seriously - Hogwarts Eighth Year - trans professor! - very very cute and satisfying - 44k

“Boys,” O’Neill warned them.

“All I—all I know is you’re the most amazing person with weak ankles that I've ever met, Meg.” Potter scowled. He was blushing again. “And when I’m with you, I feel less alone.”

Or where a drama play, a grumpy pompom and a bunch of well-intentioned friends help Draco and Harry find peace—and each other—after the war.

Draco Malfoy/Fred Weasley

5. if you want to be loved, love by pansyseed | no-second-wizarding-war AU - truth or dare - mutual pining - werewolf rights! - 7k

Draco Malfoy noticed Fred Weasley. Fred Weasley noticed Draco Malfoy.

Draco Malfoy/George Weasley

6. *no more bailing boats for me (toss me a heavy rope)* by hipsterchrist | everyone goes to therapy - sometimes cutting off family is the best solution for now - Wandmaker Draco - enemies to friends to lovers against the world - 166k

“All of this happened because you lost your magic, you know," she says. Draco lets out a small, quiet burst of laughter at the realization.

“God,” he says. “Do you know what? I think it might have been worth it.”

Draco Malfoy/Fred Weasley/George Weasley

7. Our Darling D (series) by ENDisl | SLOW burn - it started as an experiment - good Slytherins - the obliviousness is off the charts - 4+ parts

It all started with a letter.

Gen

8. Little Lion Boy by @shanastoryteller | Gryffindor Draco - Snape cares about his godson - hot take on Hermione - Neville & Draco friendship rights - 11k

Draco is sorted into Gryffindor.

It's all part of the plan, really.

20 notes - Posted January 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The February 2022 Multifandom Fic Rec is here! This month flew by too fast but also got me knee deep into a new poly ship that I'm obsessing over. Thank you to every content creator out there, y'all are our shining stars. This Fic Rec includes fics from the fandoms. Enjoy!

Geralt/Jaskier/Yennifer (The Witcher)

1. lilac and buttercups by @ivegotbreadinmypants | pre-transformation Yennifer is the best, she's as feral! as Jaskier - more heavy on the Yennskier - immortal Jaskier - star-crossed lovers - 5k

Jaskier has walked the Continent for decades. He's seen it all. Nothing, however, could have prepared him for the violet-eyed hunchback who shines with hurt and power.

He's never been so enamored.

2. Couples Therapy by TheBookMouse | modern AU - this is literally my dream - Geralt is a himbo malewife and Yennifer is a power girlboss, as usual - and they were roommates - 6k

Geralt and Yennefer have been in an on-again-off-again relationship for six years. When they start pissing off their roommate Jaskier with their arguments, he suggests they go to couples therapy. They go in a couple, they come out at the end as more than that.

3. lilacs and dandelions by @limerental | listen this fic got me in the feels, I literally had to stop and come back a week later! aaa! - they just love each other so much - found family with a pinch of pegging - slow burn bc of Geralt's self-esteem - 46k

“The Witcher believes you’re under a spell,” Yennefer said, conversationally, drawing a sip from her tea.

“I most certainly am,” said Jaskier to her in a warm drawl that Geralt recognized as the tone of voice he slipped into when flirting and frankly, things needed to start making more sense and fast before he gave into his impulse to do something rash and wholly unhelpful. Namely, chuck himself out the cottage window and into the sea.

4. our voices collide with each howl of the tide by dragon_rider | creature Jaskier - if you have body dysmorphia, mixed-race, and/or have low self-esteem this will be a rollercoaster ride for you, trust me - WINTER IN KAER MORHEN - found family - 29k

It reeked of slaughter, both fresh and old, as soon as he went through the portal and into enemy territory.

Soldiers in black armour immediately tried to take him down so he started Singing, reaching for the dormant power deep within him.

Sterek (Teen Wolf)

1. Driving Mr. Derek by I_JustWokeUp | author-made media to tell the story, so cool!!! - misunderstandings - a splash of Derek/Jackson - mutual pining - 9k

Derek no longer has a license to drive. So Laura steps in and hires fresh-out-of-college-with-useless-major Stiles Stilinski to drive him around.

2. And We'll Be Complicated by ingberry | selective amnesia - homophobic gnomes - magical Stiles - misunderstandings - 18k

Stiles already had his hands full with the case he was working on for the enigmatic Mrs. B. He really didn't need this too, but there was no changing the fact that he no longer remembered Derek Hale or anything connected to him. And no one could figure out why.

Drarry (Harry Potter)

1. A Touch Of Respect by donnarafiki | consent! is! for! everybody! including! kids! - established relationship - chronic illness - family dynamics soz - 23k

Five year old Scorpius isn't fond of people touching him, and he has a million reasons for it. However, his father is of the opinion that just saying 'no' should be enough without giving any of those reasons, but not everyone in his new-found family agrees.

2. It's No Great Mystery by agentmoppet | first Drarry Harry POV time loop I've seen! - angst with a happy ending - ghosts and portraits are his only peers, v cool - Harry has PTSD and depression - 57k

Who on earth decided that bringing back the Yule Ball for their eighth year would be a good idea? It feels like the worst day of Harry’s life, watching everyone get glammed up like the war never happened, like the last Triwizard Tournament wasn’t such a colossal failure.

And then it happens again. And again. And again.

3. Petals on the Breeze by @luna-lenaa | Fae Drarry - canon divergence - Ron is a Bad Friend - BAMF Narcissa Black - 125k+

After witnessing Harry’s return with Cedric’s dead body at the end of the Triwizard Tournament, Draco begins to question his father’s ambitions and beliefs. His mother reveals her, and, therefore, his non-human heritage soon afterward, and they realize they must go into hiding or suffer as all non-humans will when Voldemort comes into power.

They go to the only person they think might be able to help and also be too noble to use their situation against them:

Harry Potter.

30 notes - Posted February 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[karmahasagun]

Hi! If you’ve managed to find this blog, I hope you know what you’ve signed up for!! I’m so sorry!!!

About

I’m Toni, age 23, any/all pronouns, and this is my blog entirely dedicated to my OCs (and possibly some of my friends’ OCs :p). I’ll post art and lore here, answer questions, maybe even do a little bit of rp ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who knows :3.

Feel free to send asks for doodle requests and questions about/directed at my characters :]

Check below the cut for rules, a complete character list, my tag system, and my other socials ✨

General Rules

Sending asks is HIGHLY ENCOURAGED!!! PLEASE LET ME TALK ABOUT MY CHARACTERS

Art of my OCs is ALLOWED and ENCOURAGED! Though I would appreciate a tag if you draw them, I wanna see :3

That being said, ABSOLUTELY NO AI OR NFTS. GET OUT. FUCK OFF.

Taking inspiration from my characters for your own is okay as long as it’s not a direct rip. And no taking my art and using it without permission. I will hunt you down.

I am an adult, and am okay with suggestive content as long as the character in question is an adult, but outright nsfw and smut is Not Okay, especially if I don’t know you. You will be blocked.

This is my blog that I’m running for fun. I can and will block anyone for any reason. You’re not fun and quirky for breaking my rules and/or being weird. I don’t have time to deal with that.

Ask Box Rules

Keep everything related to my OCs!

Doodle requests are welcome, though they might not get done immediately bc my art motivation is fickle

You can ask questions about my characters, but I may not be able to answer due to spoilers. Many of these characters are ttrpg characters, and certain information might be something I can’t talk about yet.

You can ask questions directed AT a character as well, which I will answer in-character! When it comes to ttrpg characters, I’ll answer based on how they’d respond at the current point in the story, so the same question might have different answers if asked a few months apart as my groups play more sessions :]

As stated in general, I am okay with flirty/suggestive content, but outright nsfw is not permitted.

Character List

All characters will have a very brief summary. For more information on the characters, search for their tags and read through my posts about them!

Active TTRPG Characters

(aka, ttrpg characters whose stories are still ongoing. I may exclude information about them or avoid certain questions directed at them due to spoilers.)

Cypress

Spunky half-humanoid half-snow leopard barbarian with wicked amnesia. Age 13-ish, he/they.

Eries

Mom-friend aasimar paladin keeping the whole party on child leashes. Age 20, she/they. (Want to know more about the campaign Eries is from? My lovely DM, Cove set up a special blog just for Winds & Waves!)

Glory-of-the-Snow

Emotionally unintelligent mohsnian ranger with a cold lizard pet. Age 124, they/it.

Kasper

Rat bastard tabaxi sorcerer/artificer with every mental issue you could ever want. Age 27-ish, he/him.

Miscellaneous

(characters I've made but don't really have a use for yet. Still love em and am willing to talk about em :] )

Darcy

Cottagecore lemur anthro who loves baking and gardening. Age ~25, they/she.

Lilac

Pastel goth lop bunny anthro who loves witchy stuff like crystals and zodiacs. Will do a tarot reading on you unprompted. Age ~24, she/her.

Saturn

Cecropia Moth anthro who works as a bartender. A bit of a hopeless romantic. Age idk mid-late 20s? Any/all.

Tag System

# [character name]

All posts about that specific character

# art // # [character name] art

“# art” for ALL art, “# [character name] art” for art including a specific character

# ask // # [character name] ask

“# ask” for ALL asks, “# [character name] ask” for asks about a specific character

# lore // # [character name] lore

“# lore” for ALL lore, “# [character name] lore” for lore about a specific character

# rp // # [character name] rp

“# rp” for ALL roleplay, “# [character name] rp” for specific character roleplay

# rb

Reblogs (usually accompanied by me relating the rb’d post with a character)

Other Socials

Main Blog

Bluesky

Toyhouse

ArtFight

[furbyforte]

Pinned Post!

Hello all! This is @yourfallendisaster's side blog for everything & anything Furby related! I've been in the community for quite some time now so I thought it would make sense to have a side blog! ════════════════════════════════════ This blog will be run by me (Dominic/Scout) & my mom! She goes by Oibyrd (Pronounced Oi Bird) on the internet so feel free to refer to her as such :) ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── My mom is a photographer and has been for many years so some of the posts here will be her work! I'm just starting to dabble in photography so you'll see a photo from me here and there! I'll also post some of the digital art I do here! It'll be furby related ofc :) ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── Photos will either be tagged "📸:Scout" or "📸:Oibyrd" to indicate whose photos are who's! Text posts will be tagged with either "T:Scout" or "T:Oibyrd" to indicate who's talking/typing! ════════════════════════════════════ Here's some furby related info! ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── Furbies currently under my care: Pez - Pink Polka Dot Boom (First ever Furby! Got them right when the booms released) Cabernet - Voodoo Purple Boom Broken Polaroid - Primary Baby Guns n' Roses - Red Wolf Pierre - Snowball Rolfe Dewolfe - Owl Tamagotchi - Year 2000s Special Edition Apple "Jingles" Crumble the 3rd - Santa Special Edition ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── Photos will be tagged with "F:name" to indicate who is who & so we can search for specific furbs :) ════════════════════════════════════

[abybweisse]

@warmmilk-n-honey reminded me in comments about Yana-san's old tweet about Vincent being largely raised by Tanaka. That's probably another good situational hint.

In the past, I'd mostly been focusing on Yana-san's hint that Tanaka must also have quite the dark or evil streak, but him raising Vincent (and presumably Francis/Frances, too) also suggests something else: neither parent was around much.

It's true that Yana-san makes Vincent out to be the typical Victorian father, in that he doesn't interact with his children all that much, but he does have his fatherly moments, even though he's also watchdog, and we never really get the sense that Tanaka has to essentially raise the twins. Rachel spends much of her time at home, and Aunt An also spends a lot of time helping with them. We only see Tanaka fill in when the rest of the family is on the boating trip, while our earl stays home. There might be other situations like that one, but the twins usually have their mother and aunt around, and their father is clearly their father.

But Claudia/Cloudia herself is the watchdog, so she's away much of the time, just like Vincent a generation later. Whoever Cedric turns out to be, he isn't around much, if ever. One could argue he's at the manor but largely ignoring his children, leaving the servants to fill in for their mother... or that he dies soon after Francis/Frances is born (or at least conceived).

It's also possible that he is around... but not allowed to interact with his children as their father. Much like Undertaker hangs around the manor when the twins are young, but he doesn't present himself as their grandfather.

I've posted before that Claudia/Cloudia might have initially told her children that their father is dead, in order to cover up his actual existence as a reaper. And that he does visit from time to time, but either as "Undertaker" or in some other guise or occupational role.

Yana-san even gives us a teaser with an old sketch she did of Undertaker with a young boy -- but just one -- holding a book. Is it supposed to be one of the twins? Probably not. It's likely Vincent.

And it's easy to find other posts about this by clicking the tag for #jonah? or searching "jonah" in my blog. But there aren't many so, here's X, X, and X (though this last one incorrectly says Adrien Crevan came from a fanfic; it actually came from a headcanon blog that got the name from coverage about a true crime).

So, this sketch reminds me a lot of when Mr. Pitt asks Undertaker to help him set up the photo of the twins. Ch131:

In the sketch, the boots might be the same, but the little sailor outfit is a bit different. I suppose it could be one of the twins, but I suspect it's Vincent. And the kid is turned away from us, so that we can't see a beauty mark! 😆 But Undertaker's reaction in the sketch is very similar, like "You mean meee?" And I can completely see him treating Vincent and Francis/Frances the same way he treats the twins, at least when they were very young.

The cover art for ch132 has Vincent reading The Fenian Cycle to the twins. So, I'd love for it to later become canon that Undertaker reads Jonah and the Whale (or whatever that book is) to young Vincent. Even better if Francis/Frances is also there.

So, Tanaka does much of the parenting because Countess Phantomhive is busy in her watchdog role, and Cedric is who-knows-where. If Undertaker is Cedric, then even less chance there was a proper marriage, given the fact that Cedric apparently wasn't filling the usual role of father. Canon could have any number of excuses for Cedric not being around (much), but having Cedric be Undertaker explains a lot. He'd likely pretend he's not their father. Just a weird associate of their mother's who visits for business but occasionally bumps into the kids and gets pulled into interactions with them. And he enjoys every minute of it!

And I should think that Vincent and his sister wouldn't have known at first, but they would have found out... possibly not until Vincent becomes watchdog.

Why I think Undertaker has to be Cedric, revisited

At this point in the series, I'm a bit surprised how many in the fandom not just don't see him as Cedric K. Ros-- but actually rail against the idea.

So, here's a long, somewhat thorough overview of the situational and physical clues that he's Cedric, the father of Vincent and Francis/Frances.

Situational hints

How he cries over the details of Vincent's death. Not just that he died but what became of his remains. I'd cry over my dead son, too, especially if I had the ability to reanimate corpses but his body was destroyed by fire so that I couldn't do that. Let alone the fact his cinematic records were destroyed, so I not only couldn't make a bizarre doll of him, but I couldn't even review his memories to see what happened right before he died. This ties in with what he later says about not wanting to lose any more Phantomhives. But it strongly suggests that whoever set the fire did so specifically to thwart the efforts of a grim reaper. Whoever did that either knew Undertaker was a reaper or was at least following the instructions of someone who knew.

The whole not wanting to lose more Phantomhives thing. Claudia/Cloudia is gone, and so is Vincent. Reanimating real Ciel is the best he can do to not let the older twin go. He tried to destroy Sebastian to release our earl "Ciel" from their demon contract and might try again. Makes you wonder just how many Phantomhives he's really lost already. As well as where others might still be alive. What exactly was his business in France? 🤔

Even his odd comment to our earl (before the attack) that he wasn't sure which twin this was... but that it didn't matter because they were both Phantomhives. Instead of seeing an heir and a spare, he saw them equally. At least he did then. I suspect he now sees our earl as a spare soul... or conversely sees real Ciel as a spare body. I guess both could be true, making them still essentially equal in his eyes. Again, this could be another attempt to save our earl from Sebastian. By putting our earl's soul into the unmarked body of real Ciel, that might void the contract... unless the seal on our earl's eye also somehow affected his soul. 🤔 Anyway. I digress, since that gets into a separate theory discussion.

Standing in to help young Mr. Pitt take a photo of the twins. That's right after telling our earl it doesn't matter which twin he is. Then the other twin and Mr. Pitt arrive, the latter holding a new camera. It's odd that Mr. Pitt would ask a non-relative of the kids (besides a nanny) to help stage the photo, though Pitt is perhaps the non-traditionalist anyway. Undertaker seems like he's shocked to be asked, but he also seems amused. Mr. Pitt likely doesn't even suspect Undertaker is the twins' paternal grandfather, otherwise he might have seen it as a scoop, á la "LOWLY UNDERTAKER IS SIRE TO PROMINENT NOBLE FAMILY" or something equally scandalous. Because undertakers were considered low class citizens. So, Undertaker acts shocked but complies with giddy delight. By asking Undertaker to help stage the photo, he has likely, unwittingly asked a relative of the boys, which would be considered completely appropriate for the time period.

How he treats the Midfords. He recognizes Lizzie's talents and skill with a sword, otherwise he wouldn't have wanted her at Sphere Music Hall as a protector of the lords of the stars, while he kept them and Blavat hidden away. So he probably had Blavat bring her into the cult. Undertaker might see some of himself in Lizzie, but he definitely sees it in Frances/Francis, and I don't just mean physically. Both women fight in a similar manner as he does: highly skillful and graceful. Idk what he thinks of Edward, but I know he got a great laugh from watching the Phantom Five (including Edward) perform onstage. He doesn't interact much, if at all, with Alexis, who isn't a Phantomhive.

What he says to Francis/Frances, as well as how she responds. Again, he hardly acknowledges Alexis' existence, but Undertaker speaks directly with "Lady Phantomhive". That's really important because she's married into the Midford family and hasn't gone by her maiden name in many years. As long as Edward is old plus at least a bit longer, since she strikes me as too proper for a shotgun wedding, even if she weren't a noble. So, he sets her apart from her husband because she was born a Phantomhive. He doesn't want to lose her, either, because she is her mother's daughter. Then, when she nervously states he hasn't changed in roughly four years, he pokes fun at the fact he hasn't changed in a much longer time frame. He says her birth, over 30 years ago, seems like just yesterday. She's sweating bullets, and it's not just his creepy vibes. She knows he means it -- that 30-some-odd years is nothing to him... and that he very specifically recalls her birth. I'm pretty sure she knows he's her father, and she's horribly embarrassed by the fact. Alexis doesn't have a clue about it, and she'd rather keep it that way. But what he says strongly implies that he was present at her birth. Maybe down the hall, like Vincent was when his sons were born, but there... and just as anxious and excited and proud.

How the years for Cedric's birth and death dates are hidden by a speech bubble. Cloudia/Claudia's dates are fully shown because she's a regular human being. Well... a human, anyway. But if Undertaker is Cedric, then the birth and death dates for him would be from when he was a human, before he committed suicide and was sentenced to serve out his punishment as a reaper. That death date could be decades or even centuries before Cloudia/Claudia was even born. Remember that this family tree isn't one prepared by humans; it's part of the dossier that the German reapers have for our earl. The focus is purely biological ancestry, not marriages. Cloudia/Claudia and Cedric don't have to be married to be on this family tree; he is biologically the father of both Vincent and Francis/Frances.

Physical hints

He looks a lot like Francis/Frances and Edward. And Yana-san tweeted years ago that Francis and Edward look like Cedric. Here's a comparison between Edward and Undertaker. Here's one between Francis/Frances and Undertaker.

The place on his right where his hair has a long braid seems to match up with Lizzie's and Francis/Frances' right side locks that tend to stick out. He's got it tucked behind his right ear, but the braid might originate from the same spot. If Lizzie and her mother pushed those locks back, behind their right ears, the placement would be the same as Undertaker's braid.

He has the exact same baby hairs at the nape of his neck as Lizzie and Francis/Frances. They might be a bit shorter, but they are definitely there. Here's an old post about it. Edward possibly does, too, and we could tell if his hair was grown out and pulled up, but his hair is short and a bit shaggy on the nape of his neck, so we can't be sure.

[swan-of-sunrise]

I posted 1,348 times in 2022

79 posts created (6%)

1,269 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@swan-of-sunrise

@wickedwitzh

@robiinbuckley

@sersi

@funnytwittertweets

I tagged 1,346 of my posts in 2022

#marvel - 586 posts

#mcu - 572 posts

#funny - 425 posts

#captain america - 163 posts

#steve rogers - 134 posts

#star wars - 119 posts

#random - 105 posts

#cute - 104 posts

#marvel cinematic universe - 100 posts

#disney - 95 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#i still can't believe that they made a sequel trilogy to one of the most successful and beloved film franchises ever and didn’t plan them

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Infinity War (Chapter Two)

Summary: (Y/N) reunites with an old friend and the Black Order invades New York in search of the Time Stone.

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Reader

Word Count: 5.4k

Warnings/Disclaimers: None

A/N: This chapter’s a lot longer than I originally anticipated but I’m really proud that I was able to finish it on time, so that’s nice lol thank you for reading, I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter Two (Previous Chapter)

For a Master of the Mystic Arts who once boasted to have an extensive watch list of people who posed a potential threat to Earth, Doctor Stephen Strange had no goddamn idea that a power-hungry genocidal maniac was on his way to retrieve two out of the six Infinity Stones. It was all (Y/N) could do to keep her irritation in check as she gave the two baffled sorcerers a brief explanation of not only who Thanos was and why he was so dangerous, but how she, her one-month-old daughter and Bruce Banner all found their way back to Earth; not only was she irritated by his ignorance of the Mad Titan, but also the lie he’d told her moments before she’d been accidentally transported to Sakaar.

“You didn’t strike me as a liar when we first met.”

Stephen, who was preoccupied with bandaging the two wounds on her bicep, sighed but kept his focus on his work. “I’d hate to argue semantics with you, Miss (Y/L/N), but I never lied to you; I told you that you wouldn’t be alone during the birth of your daughter, and you weren’t.”

“So, you didn’t think to give me a heads-up that if I touched that ugly cauldron over there, I’d wind up trapped on an alien planet with a Prince of Asgard acting as my midwife?” (Y/N) asked, the harsh edge of her voice cutting through the silence in the Sanctum’s foyer. “Was it fun for you, looking into my future and seeing how I’d spend a month struggling to keep myself and my daughter alive? Knowing that Steve wouldn’t be there for Carina’s birth and deliberately keeping that information to yourself?”

“I understand why you’re upset and I’m not trying to dismiss your feelings, but I did warn you that messing around with time was a bad idea. A person isn’t meant to know too much about their own future; if I told you what I saw – which, for the record, was only the moment of your daughter’s birth on Sakaar and a brief glimpse of you both back here in New York – it simply wouldn’t have happened.” Once he was finished securing the bandage around her upper arm, Stephen stood up from the antique lounge they were seated on and extended a hand to her, a glimmer of regret in his darkened gaze. “For what it’s worth, you adapted to your unfortunate circumstances far better than I thought you would.”

(Y/N) huffed out a humorless chuckle and allowed the doctor to help her stand, inwardly frowning in concern when she felt his hand tremble in hers but deciding not to mention it. “That’s only because I had help the entire time. Loki-” Her throat tightened in grief and she forced herself not to think of her unlikely friend and all the others that remained trapped on the Statesman. Thankfully, she was prevented from finishing her sentence when Wong – the other sorcerer that protected the New York Sanctum from mystical threats – and a freshly-dressed Bruce walked into the foyer. “How’re you feeling, Bruce?”

“Okay, I guess, but my memory’s still a little foggy…” Bruce fiddled with the sleeve of his borrowed blazer and observed the wrecked staircase with his brow furrowed in confusion. “You said that the Bifrost brought me here? I don’t remember any of that, i-it’s like the Hulk’s stopping me from trying to remember or something but I don’t know why. Usually, the Big Guy and I are on the same page but lately it feels like we aren’t even reading the same book.”

She walked over to where Bruce stood and gave his hand a comforting squeeze. “All that matters is that you’re safe now; we’ll figure out whatever’s going on together, okay? You don’t have to go through this alone.”

The scientist threw her a grateful look and they both turned to Stephen as he opened a sparking portal and stepped through it. “We’d better go through after him so Tony doesn’t get too freaked out and go full Iron Man on him.”

“You go ahead, I’ll stay here with Carina,” (Y/N) replied, hiding her growing discomfort behind a fleeting smile that vanished when Bruce turned away; she hadn’t seen or spoken to Tony Stark in over two years, with their last tension-filled interaction being the day she’d moved out of the Avengers Facility, and she wasn’t entirely sure how he’d react to seeing her again and learning that Steve Rogers conceived a child with her while on the run. All this stress is going to give me premature grey hair, she silently remarked, glancing over at Carina’s pram hovering by the foot of the ruined staircase and brightening a little when she saw that Wong was entertaining the cooing infant with magical bursts of multicolored fireworks. She walked over to the pair, adjusting her daughter’s blanket and quietly chuckling as her eyes widened in awe at the bright display above her. “Looks like you’re Carina’s favorite person at the moment, Wong. You know, when we first met Stephen mentioned that you were a fan of my novels.”

Wong smiled and nodded. “They’re woven together with such intricate details and compelling characters that they’re almost impossible to put down; my entire collection is back at Kamar-Taj, otherwise I’d ask you to autograph them for me.”

“Well, I’m just a-” She copied the arm movements that Stephen used to conjure the portal across the foyer. “-away, so feel free to drop by anytime when all of this is over.”

Before either of them could say anything, Stephen marched back through the sparking portal with Bruce and Tony Stark on his heels. The billionaire’s attention was focused on the doctor and the emotionally-frazzled scientist but when Stephen turned to close the portal behind them, his gaze shifted and finally landed on (Y/N); his brow shot up in surprise and if she didn’t know any better, she’d say that he was a little pleased to see her. “It’s been a while, Austen.” His familiar nickname for her brought a small smile to her face. “How’s my favorite historical fiction novelist doing, and why’s she dressed like Éowyn from Lord of the Rings?”

“The world’s in danger and we’re the ones who have to save it again, so pretty good, all things considered. I’ll explain the outfit in a minute but first, I think that there’s someone you should meet.” With a steadying breath, (Y/N) reached down into the pram and lifted her squirming daughter into her arms, kissing her brow before walking over to where Tony stood. “Tony, this is my daughter Carina…Carina Lorraine Rogers-(Y/L/N).”

Tony’s brown eyes flicked between (Y/N) and the infant in her arms as a flurry of emotions crossed his face; there was shock, disbelief, anger, sadness, and even some regret before he finally settled on the ghost of his trademark smirk. “She’s a cute kid. Good thing she takes after her mom, huh?”

“She may have my looks, but she inherited all of her attitude from her father.” Right on cue, Carina blew an exceptionally loud raspberry and began to gum the edge of (Y/N)’s breastplate, making Tony chuckle and (Y/N) sigh in mild exasperation. “You see? She definitely didn’t get that from me.”

The billionaire looked as if he wanted to say something but thought better of it, giving her and her daughter another smile before glancing back over at Stephen, Wong and Bruce standing in the center of the foyer. “Now, can one of you guys explain why I’m here in a wizard’s secret lair and not jogging through Central Park with my fiancée?”

Exchanging a wary glance with Bruce, (Y/N) tightened her hold on Carina and launched into the briefest explanation she could manage of hers and the scientist’s adventures in space; how both of them ended up on Sakaar and their struggle to survive in the Grandmaster’s palace, how they became involved in the Asgardian’s fight against the Goddess of Death and how they both wound up back on Earth. Tony patiently listened to her talk and didn’t interrupt, but she could practically see the wheels in his head turning as she told their story and she was reminded of the argument she’d overheard the night that Ultron first attacked the Avengers.

“…A hostile alien army came charging through a hole in space. We’re standing three hundred feet below it. We’re the Avengers. We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but that up there? That’s…that’s the end game. How were you guys planning on beating that?”

“Together.”

“We’ll lose.”

“Then we’ll do that together, too.”

Tony was right about needing to be prepared for another cosmic threat, (Y/N) silently admitted to herself, but we’re not going to lose this fight against Thanos…we can’t lose. When she finally finished, she stepped back and allowed the two sorcerers to explain the Infinity Stones in their own words, watching in barely-concealed awe when Wong raised his hands and used his magic to conjure a ball of light above them all.

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70 notes - Posted May 5, 2022

#4

Infinity War (Chapter One)

Summary: In the wake of Asgard’s destruction, (Y/N) and Carina’s journey back to Earth and to Steve Rogers is interrupted when Thanos attacks the Statesman.

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Reader

Word Count: 4.4k

Warnings/Disclaimers: Disclaimer for a brief description of a panic attack

A/N: And here we’ve reached Avengers: Infinity War...I might as well apologize now for the angst that’s in store for ya’ll this time around lol thank you for reading, I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter One June 2018 The Statesman, Space (Previous Book)

“…So, that’s everything I missed while I was away from Earth?”

(Y/N) nodded, anxiously fiddling with the hem of her golden-yellow cape while she watched Thor absorb all of the information she’d spent the past half an hour relaying to him. “Pretty much. Look, Thor, I know it’s a lot to take in all at once so if you need a minute to process-”

She was abruptly cut off when the large Asgardian wrapped his arms around her and held her in a near-suffocating embrace; once she got over her initial shock, she looped her arms around his trim waist and rested her cheek against his muscular chest with a resigned smile. Telling Thor about the Sokovia Accords and the disbandment of the Avengers was something that she’d been dreading ever since running into him on the streets of Greenwich Village, unsure of how he’d react to the news. She’d prepared herself for anger and possibly even tears, especially after everything he’d gone through on Sakaar and having seen Asgard destroyed barely a day ago, but she certainly hadn’t prepared herself to be on the receiving end of a bear-hug.

“I can’t imagine how difficult things have been for you these past few years, Writer (Y/L/N). Once we establish a settlement for what remains of Asgard, I’ll speak to this Secretary Ross about pardoning Captain Rogers and his accomplices; after all you did to help save my people, you have my undying word that little Carina will finally meet her father.”

“That’s very sweet of you, Thor, but…” She managed to pull away enough so that she could see his kindhearted face. “I’m not so sure it’ll be that easy. One hundred and seventeen countries came together to sign the Accords and even if you managed to have the document amended or abolished…well, it’s been almost two years and Steve and Tony still aren’t on speaking terms.”

Thor’s blue eye was filled with sadness as he nodded and loosened his hold on her, but he did his best to give her a reassuring smile. “Hope can be just as powerful of a weapon as any sword or blaster and as long as we hold onto it, anything is possible.”

(Y/N) matched his smile with one of her own and gave his arm a playful nudge with her shoulder. “You’re a pretty great king.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t go that far.” They both turned to watch Loki enter the chamber with a bright-eyed Carina nestled in his arms, a gleam of mischief in his blue-green gaze as he cheekily continued. “He’s been king for less than twenty-four hours, mortal, let’s at least give the oaf a week before we draw any conclusions about his mighty reign.”

“And you, Loki, thrive far too much on purposefully antagonizing the people around you.”

Thor waved her off with a widening grin. “It’s all right, Writer (Y/L/N), these days he’s all talk and no action; the old Loki would’ve followed that all up by stabbing me, but pretend marriage and pretend fatherhood seems to have softened him up.”

Loki rolled his eyes and Thor stuck his tongue out at him, causing (Y/N) to shake her head in exasperation as she watched their interaction. “Seriously? I swear, my daughter’s more mature than the both of you combined and she’s only a month old.”

“Mortal, your spawn is not-”At that moment, Carina’s tiny fingers wrapped around a lock of Loki’s raven hair and tugged, eliciting a surprised yelp from him and a snort of amusement from Thor. “Yes, what was that you were saying about her so-called elevated maturity?”

Ignoring Thor’s laughter and Loki’s accusatory glare, (Y/N) lifted the infant into her arms and held her up at eye level. “Carina Lorraine Rogers-(Y/L/N), that was a very rude thing to do to your Uncle Loki…but I’ll let it slide this one time since he called you my spawn.” She kissed the tip of her daughter’s nose and carefully placed her in her floating pram, taking a moment to adjust her blanket before moving to stand beside the brothers at the large window; she stared out into the star-filled space before them, and she couldn’t hide her awestruck smile at the beautiful sight. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this sight. How long do you think it’ll take to reach Earth?”

“I spoke with the Valkyrie earlier and she assured me that we’ll be there within the week; we’re twenty-two jumps away from Asgard, which means we only have around forty more to go.” Loki replied, fidgeting a little as he folded his hands in front of him. “Do you really think it’s a good idea to go back to Earth?”

“Yes, of course, the people of Earth love me. I’m very popular.”

“And it’s where the father of my child is so yes, I also think it’s a very good idea.”

Loki bit back an exasperated sigh. “Let me rephrase that for you both: Do you really think it’s a good idea to bring me back to Earth?”

His brother considered his question before shrugging his shoulders. “Probably not, to be honest.” (Y/N) reached down and took Loki’s hand, squeezing it in comfort as he looked down at the floor. “But I wouldn’t worry, brother. I feel like everything’s going to work out fine.”

Loki looked up at them and when he met their eyes, a hopeful smile tugged at the corners of his mouth; they all turned back towards the enormous window but as they watched, a massive ship came into view and blocked out the light of the nearby stars. For the briefest moment, (Y/N) wondered if it was some sort of rescue vessel responding to the distress call the Asgardian refugees had put out shortly after their escape, but her optimism evaporated the moment she saw Loki’s pale face and heard his horrified whisper. “Thanos.”

“Wait, who’s-?” (Y/N)’s heart plummeted in her chest when she recalled the troubling conversation about a genocidal world-conquering maniac obsessed with Infinity Stones she’d stumbled into during one of the Grandmaster’s parties. “Oh God…”

“What’s wrong?” Thor asked, a frown on his face and a glimmer of fear in his eye as he took in their reactions. “Loki, who is that?”

“There’s no time for explanations, Thor, we need to sound the alarm and summon every Einherjar we have left right now, before it’s too late! We must evacuate-” Loki’s frantic words were interrupted by the entire ship shuddering as the larger vessel fired its first blast and a shrill alarm began to sound throughout the ship. “Please, brother, you must trust me! Take (Y/N) and lead the people onto the escape shuttles, I’ll gather our warriors onto the bridge and begin mounting our defense with Heimdall.”

Before either of them could reply, Loki dashed out of the chamber and after exchanging matching looks of panic, Thor and (Y/N) gathered up Carina’s pram and hurried to follow his command.

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74 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

#3

Taking Care of Business (Chapter Twenty-Two)

Summary: While helping to re-establish the Mandalorian covert in the substrata of Glavis, Din asks the Armorer to forge a gift and learns more about the Darksaber alongside (Y/N) and Paz Vizsla.

Pairing: Din Djarin X Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings/Disclaimers: Disclaimer for a brief description of a panic attack

A/N: Okay, I intended on including Din’s Darksaber training and the duel here but I decided it deserved its own chapter, so the action will definitely ramp up next time lol I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter Twenty-Two The Covert (Previous Chapter)

“So, how did you become acquainted with a pilot?”

Din glanced up from the chain he was fastening around the forge and looked up at Paz, the muscle in his jaw clenching when he noticed his fellow Mandalorian watching (Y/N) as she worked to rewire some old equipment alongside the Armorer. “I helped her defeat the remnants of a crime syndicate and in turn, she helped me return Gro-the foundling to his own kind.”

“Why haven’t you exchanged vows yet?” Paz asked with an accusatory edge to his voice, turning back to face him and pointing to the signet fastened to his pauldron. “Clan Mudhorn cannot thrive with only two members, but a riduurok will ensure its continuation.”

“We’ve been busy,” Din replied, resuming his task with slightly more force than necessary and carefully watching Paz out of the corner of his eye while he considered their exchange.

What he told Paz was technically true, but the fact of the matter was that he hadn’t even asked (Y/N) to marry him; the subject of marriage was one that simply never came up between them. He knew, of course, that the captain loved him and wanted to continue traveling as his partner, but he had no idea if marriage appealed to her or not. If he were being honest with himself, one of the real reasons he hadn’t brought it up was because he was afraid of ruining what they already had. He told himself that he’d bring it up once their lives calmed down a little, but it was starting to look as though a calm life just wasn’t in the cards for them just yet. I’ll ask her the moment the time feels right, he promised himself as he glanced over at (Y/N), no matter where we are or what we’re doing.

The two Mandalorians moved the forge to the center of the workshop, Paz pushing the heavy machinery while Din tugged it into place using the sturdy chain, the sound of the successful installation echoing throughout the room. While Din began unfastening the chain, Paz started connecting the tubing to the forge and broke the silence with another pointed question. “Where did you come upon the Darksaber?”

Although his shoulders were tensed, Din continued hauling equipment as he gave his fellow Mandalorian a carefully worded reply. “I defeated Moff Gideon.”

Paz considered his words for a moment. “Did you kill him?”

“No. But he was sent off to the New Republic for interrogation and he’ll face justice for his crimes.”

The larger Mandalorian scoffed and began winding up the loose chain. “Death would’ve been justice for his atrocities.”

“This is true.” They both turned to see the Armorer and (Y/N) enter the workshop. “The blood of millions of our kind is on his hands.”

“I’m a veteran of the Rebel Alliance and while the atrocities Moff Gideon committed still affect me to this day, I know that killing him in combat isn’t justice.” The captain’s frown was deep and her expression clouded with frustration as she stared unflinchingly at the two Mandalorians before her. “Once he’s put on trial and any useful Imperial intel is taken from him, he’ll be executed for his crimes by the New Republic Tribunal.”

While the Armorer and Paz stood in stunned silence, Din admired his partner’s wisdom and fearlessness; not many people would readily contradict a Mandalorian while in their presence, but (Y/N) was hardly unfazed under their intimidating stares. A tense moment passed before the Armorer turned away and began pressing buttons on the nearest control panel. “We shall see.” At the flip of a switch, the forge ignited and she walked over to a nearby cabinet as she continued. “The songs of eons past foretold of the Mythosaur rising up to herald a new age of Mandalore…” She pressed a button and the doors slid open to reveal her familiar forging tools. “Sadly, it only exists in legends. Where did you come upon the beskar spear?”

Reaching over his shoulder, Din unsheathed the spear he’d strapped onto his jetpack and held it in his gloved hands, examining the shining metal while he moved to stand beside (Y/N) at the forge. “It was a gift of a Jedi. It can block a lightsaber; I used it to defeat Moff Gideon.”

“It can also pierce beskar armor.” The Armorer pointed out. “It’s mere existence puts Mandalorians at risk. Mandalorian steel is meant for armor, not weapons.”

Din recalled a recent conversation he’d shared with (Y/N), where the captain had voiced her concerns about the risks involved with wielding the beskar spear; if an opponent managed to disarm him, they’d have no problem using the spear against him and injuring or possibly killing him. He looked over at his partner and nodded before holding the weapon out towards the Armorer. “Then forge it into armor.”

The Mandalorian crossed the workshop and accepted the spear. “The Darksaber is a more noble weapon for you to wield.”

Just as long as I can learn how to wield it without slicing one of my own limbs off, Din thought with an exasperated eye-roll, moving to sit beside (Y/N) on a storage container and watch the Armorer place the tip of the spear into the white-hot fire. (Y/N) intertwined her fingers with his and rested their joined hands on her lap, his thumb rubbing soothing circles across her knuckles as she finally spoke up. “Have you ever heard of Bo-Katan Kryze?”

“Bo-Katan is a cautionary tale.” They watched as the Armorer poured a solution into a deep basin of water and at her statement, Din found himself leaning forward in interest; since meeting the unconventional Mandalorian back on Trask, they’d both been eager to learn more about her and the real reason why she was so hell-bent on defeating Moff Gideon. “She once laid claim to rule Mandalore based purely on blood and the sword you now possess.” She walked back to the forge and rotated the spear as its metal began to weaken. “But it was gifted to her and not won by Creed. Bo-Katan Kryze was born of a mighty house, but they lost sight of the Way. Her rule ended in tragedy; they lost their Way, and we lost our world. Had our sect not been cloistered on the moon of Concordia, we would have not survived the Great Purge.”

“When we first met, she mentioned having fought in the Purge,” (Y/N) recalled, and her eyes flicked between Din and the Armorer as she hesitantly continued. “But I still don’t exactly know what happened to Mandalore.”

“Those born of Mandalore strayed away from the path. Eventually, Imperial interlopers destroyed all that we knew and loved in the Night of a Thousand Tears. Only those that walked the Way escaped the curse prophesied in the Creed. Though our numbers were scattered to the winds, our adherence to the Way has preserved our legacy for the generations until we may someday return to our home world.” The captain nodded once the Armorer’s story ended but judging by the familiar line that formed between her brows, her mind was racing with thoughts; removing the spear from the fire, the Mandalorian finally looked up at Din. “What shall I forge?”

Din bit his lip as he thought over her question; he’d ask that the Armorer forge something that could provide (Y/N) with some added protection, but he knew that the captain would only consider it a waste of beskar and refuse to accept the armor. His thoughts then turned to another member of their small clan and while he still felt the familiar sadness that came along with remembering Grogu, his lips curved into the smallest of smiles. “Something for a foundling.”

“This is the Way.”

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80 notes - Posted February 9, 2022

#2

"Bullseye!"

Summary: When (Y/N) complains about Cap’s method of training agents to Kate Bishop, her good friend and hopeless crush, the archer volunteers to take over her firearms training. Or, a simple archery training session between two young women leads to lots of awkward flirting and the start of something new.

Pairing: Kate Bishop X Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings/Disclaimers: None

A/N: Okay, so this is sort of new territory for me, I've never written a wlw story before, but I’ve always wanted to and Kate Bishop’s one of my favorite new ladies in the MCU lol thank you for reading, I hope you all enjoy!

“Bullseye!” (Fanfiction Masterlist)

“It was really sweet of you to volunteer for this, Kate.” (Y/N) slung her full quiver of arrows over her shoulder and awkwardly held her training bow at her side as she smiled at her friend. “I’m kinda hopeless when it comes to Cap’s training courses and the others can be a little intimidating, so this really means a lot to me.”

Kate looked up from adjusting the circular target at the opposite end of the training room with a smile of her own. “Believe me, I remember how hard all those weapons certification courses were. That’s why I decided to go ahead and develop my own training course, so that newer recruits can learn the basics without the fear of being forced to run laps or – God forbid – do push-ups.” (Y/N) giggled as the archer wrinkled her nose in disgust, feeling some of her apprehension melt away only to be replaced with the familiar fluttering in her chest brought on by her undeniable crush on Kate Bishop.

The raven-haired archer’s kindness and sarcastic wit were rivaled only by her stunning beauty, all traits that made quick work of capturing (Y/N)’s heart and reducing her into an embarrassingly lovesick fool. But Kate was her only close friend at the Avengers Compound and she feared that revealing her true feelings would result in a ruined friendship, so she resolved to bury them deep and try not to pine. Try and ultimately fail, (Y/N) thought with an inward sigh, doing her best to ignore the way her heart skipped a beat when Kate stood beside her and playfully hip-checked her as she notched an arrow onto her bow’s string. “All right, Professor Bishop, what’s next?”

“I’m gonna show you how to correctly fire an arrow and then I’m gonna watch you fire one to see what areas need improving. Just watch what I do and you’ll be okay, my young Padawan.” She chuckled and adjusted her foot placement while (Y/N) rolled her eyes in exasperation. “So, this is the stance you’re gonna wanna take: back straight, feet shoulder-width apart and at ninety-degrees to the target. Don’t grip the bow too tightly or you’ll hurt yourself, then position your fingers like this…” She gestured with her chin towards where her fingers curled around the bowstring. “One finger above the arrow and two below. The string’ll snap on your fingers if they’re not straight and believe me, that hurts like a son of a bitch so always take the time to check your fingers before moving onto the next step.”

(Y/N) nodded. “Will-do. I’m not exactly a hand model, but I think I’d prefer to keep all my fingers just in case.”

“Well, I happen to think you’ve got very nice hands.” (Y/N)’s brows rose at the unusual compliment and Kate’s face flushed with embarrassment. “Was that too weird? That sounded kinda weird.”

“It was a little weird, but no one’s ever complimented my hands before so I’ll take it.” Quickly looking away from the archer’s sparkling eyes, (Y/N) cleared her throat and nodded towards her bow. “So, what’s the next step?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, the next step!” Kate gave her a flustered smile before raising her bow and pulling back the string. “Use your back muscles to pull the string back, not your biceps, and pull it back so that your index finger’s under your chin; the string should lightly brush against your nose and lips, like this, and now you take a moment to aim at your target using your dominant eye…and once you’re aligned, you relax your fingers and release.” The arrow sped across the training room and impaled itself into the center of the circular target, and Kate turned to her with a bright grin. “Bullseye! You ready to give it a try, (Y/N)?”

(Y/N) nodded and with a nervous chuckle, she notched her arrow and shuffled her feet into position. “Not sure I’ll get a bullseye on my first shot, but I’ll try my best.”

“Think positive thoughts! I know they’re not the most fun but I’ve seen your proficiency scores in Cap’s firearms course, and you’re one hell of a crack-shot; just pretend that your bow’s a .22 and you’ll be fine. Do you mind if I fix your posture for you?” When she agreed, Kate nudged her feet further apart with the toe of her book and she was forced to bite back her gasp of surprise when the archer stood behind her and gently straightened her back for her; her eyes went wide when Kate not only remained close behind her, but as her hands moved to rest on the curve of her hips. “Okay, next step?” (Y/N) struggled to focus on her training for a moment before remembering to adjust her fingers on the bowstring, earning an approving hum from the archer. “Hey, you were paying attention!”

“Well, it’s easy to when you’ve got such an excellent teacher,” (Y/N) replied with a smile, emboldened by the weight of Kate’s hands on her hips and the praising tone in her voice; was it her imagination, or did the archer’s breath hitch? Before she could give a reply, (Y/N) raised her bow and drew the string back. “How’s this?”

“G-Good. Yeah, it’s good, just…” One of Kate’s hands left her hip and moved to cup her elbow. “This arm needs to go a little higher.” Her hand remained in place even after (Y/N) did as she said, her fingers curling against the material of the workout jacket and their warmth practically searing (Y/N)’s flushed skin. “Use your nose and lips as your anchor. Good, just like that, now take aim at your target…” (Y/N) felt the tip of Kate’s nose brush against her hair as she softly murmured into her ear, “And fire away.”

(Y/N) released the arrow and watched with bated breath as it sailed through the air, where it impaled itself at the very edge of the target’s red center. “Bullseye!” She exclaimed in delight, jumping up and down in excitement as she turned to her beaming friend. “Holy shit, Kate, did you see that?!”

“Yeah, that was an awesome shot!” The archer laughed and smiled at her celebratory dancing. “Didn’t I tell you you’d be great at this?”

Without thinking, (Y/N) threw her arms around Kate and the two friends shared an enthusiastic hug, the sounds of their giggles echoing throughout the vast training room. Her eyes went wide once she realized what she’d impulsively done but when she started to pull back, she caught sight of the archer’s gaze fixated on her lips; her dark eyes darted up to meet hers and while a pink blush spread throughout her face, she slowly brought her hand up and brushed the pads of her fingertips timidly against (Y/N)’s own flushed cheek. A newfound glimmer of hope that Kate might have similar feelings for her blossomed and anxious butterflies fluttered away in her stomach as she whispered, “I-Is it okay if I kissed you right now?”

A brilliant smile spread across Kate’s face. “Absolutely.”

(Y/N) leaned in and closed her eyes as her lips brushed against Kate’s in a slow kiss; it was soft and gentle and perhaps a little shy, but while the archer’s arm encircled her waist to bring her closer and her calloused hand cradled her cheek as if she were made of delicate glass, she knew that it was perfect. After they finally separated, (Y/N) rested her forehead against Kate’s and breathlessly smiled. “That was…wow.”

“Yeah, that’s kinda what I was thinking,” Kate chuckled, her dark eyes gleaming with happiness as she bashfully bit her lip. “I like you, (Y/N). A lot. Like, a lot-a lot.” The archer grinned when (Y/N) giggled at her overemphasis. “I’m, um, I’m not really experienced with all this, but I think it might be your turn to say something.”

“I like you, too.” She took hold of Kate’s hands and gave them a gentle squeeze. “I don’t know where that leaves us…but I’m free tomorrow night, if you wanna go grab some pizza and see a movie with me? O-Or not, I know you’re pretty busy and I wouldn’t wanna intrude-”

(Y/N) squeaked in surprise when Kate’s lips crashed against hers and effectively silenced her anxious rambling, and it took her a moment to recover and kiss the archer back. They were both out of breath by the time they finally separated, with (Y/N) trying in vain to regain her voice and Kate smiling widely in triumph. “Bullseye.”

“…Oh, please tell me you’re not gonna say that every time you kiss me.”

“I’m not sure yet,” The archer shrugged as (Y/N) playfully rolled her eyes. “So I guess you’ll have to wait until tomorrow night to find out, won’t you? I’ll get Clint to dog-sit Lucky and we’ll have a night on the town; I’m talking pizza, ice cream, the movie theater, Rockefeller’s skating rink, maybe even one of those cheesy escape rooms we could probably solve with our eyes closed…” They both chuckled at that and (Y/N) relished the newfound softness in Kate’s dark eyes as they stared into hers. “How’s that sound?”

With a happy sigh, (Y/N) looped her arms around Kate’s neck and smiled. “Sounds very Kate Bishop: a little bit weird and absolutely wonderful.”

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158 notes - Posted November 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

What The World Needs Now...

Summary: Entirely out of options and fearing for her daughter’s safety, (Y/N) decides to pay Professor Charles Xavier a visit at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters. The man in charge of the school, however, was nothing like what (Y/N) had expected.

Pairing: Charles Xavier X Reader

Word Count: 5.3k

Warnings/Disclaimers: None

A/N: I was going through one of my old flash drives when I found this one-shot I’d written years ago, way back when I had a huge thing for McAvoy’s Professor X (specifically Professor X from X-Men: Apocalypse, the flowing brown hair really got to me lol). After making a few quick edits, I decided to publish it for you all to read so I hope that you enjoy! "What The World Needs Now Is Love" by Jackie DeShannon partially inspired this one-shot, so give it a listen if you've never heard it before :)

What The World Needs Now... September 1979

Looking out the window of the taxi, (Y/N) quietly admired how the sunlight streamed through the endless forest of trees; although they’d been traveling from Westchester County Airport through the woods of upstate New York for nearly a half an hour, the beautiful scenery still managed to keep her distracted from any anxious thoughts.

(Y/N) turned to Molly, who was curled against her side and fast asleep, and gently brushed her hair away from her peaceful face before looking down at the letter resting on her lap. The paper, once crisp and white, was wrinkled and stained from countless readings and although she could practically recite the words from memory by now, she began to read the letter once again.

Dear Miss (Y/L/N),

To say that I was pleasantly surprised by your letter would be an understatement; in all my years of research, I have never heard of a mutation developing at such a young age. I would very much like to meet your daughter to uncover more about her mutation but unfortunately, I am unable to leave my school and students unattended for extended periods of time. Would it be possible for you and your daughter to travel here? I know how complicated everything must seem to you now but I promise you, Miss (Y/L/N), I will do everything in my power to help the both of you in this challenging time.

                                                  Regards,

                                                  Professor Charles Xavier

Enclosed with the letter were two first-class plane tickets and in any other situation, (Y/N) would’ve rejected such generosity, but she was beyond desperate; Molly’s powers were accelerating with each passing day and becoming more and more noticeable, and they’d already been the target of threats from their supposed friends and neighbors. So, without a second thought, she and Molly found themselves on an airplane the day after the letter arrived. Professor Xavier seems like a very kindhearted old man, she thought with a hint of a smile, maybe the sort who wears patches on the elbows of his jackets and misplaces his reading glasses, or one who is even bald. No matter what he looked or dressed like, though, she was beyond relieved to have finally found someone who could possibly help her daughter.

“Would you look at that?” The taxi driver gave a low whistle. “That’s one hell of a house, huh?”

(Y/N) looked up from the letter and gasped in awe. In the distance stood an enormous mansion, similar to European castles and manors she’d only read about in books; the impressive stone structure was ringed with a manicured lawn and towering trees, and tendrils of ivy grew along the towering walls of the building.

“Molly? Molly, sweetie, time to wake up, we’re here!” Molly’s eyes slowly opened and she sleepily raised her hands to rub at them. “Molly-Bear look, doesn’t it look like a castle?”

Molly finally looked up and her face immediately brightened. “A castle, Mommy!” (Y/N) had to quickly stuff the letter into her purse and move it out of the way as the five-year old clambered onto her lap for a better look; she pressed her hands, which were wrapped in a pair of pink mittens, onto the window and stared at the mansion with wide eyes. “Is there a dragon in there?”

“I’m not sure, sweetie, you’ll have to ask Professor Xavier when we meet him.”

Minutes later, the taxi driver pulled up to the front of the mansion and stopped. (Y/N) thanked him and paid their fare before getting out and grabbing their two suitcases; they watched the taxi drive off before walking up several steps to the mansion’s massive front doors. On the stone wall beside the door was a modest brass plaque, which read Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters.

“Wanna help me knock, Molly-Bear?” When the little girl smiled toothily, (Y/N) set their suitcases down, picked Molly up and rested her against her hip before raising her knuckles to the door. Molly placed her small fist against the door and they both knocked loudly, and (Y/N) silently hoped that someone in the enormous house would be able to hear them.

Much to her surprise, however, the door opened only a few moments later to reveal a tall man; he had a youthful face, with carefully styled brown hair and brilliant blue eyes behind a pair of black-rimmed glasses, and he wore a white laboratory coat over a dark blue button-down shirt and brown slacks. “Hello, how can I help you?”

“We wanna see Professor ’Zavier!”

The man’s bewildered look would’ve made (Y/N) smile if not for their serious situation. “My name is (Y/N) (Y/L/N), and this is my daughter, Molly. We’re here to meet Professor Charles Xavier.” She reached into her purse, withdrew the letter and handed it to the wary man. “He sent me this letter several days ago.”

His eyes quickly scanned the words and he looked up, his guarded expression falling as he gave her a bright smile. “Of course, the professor’s been expecting you both, Miss (Y/L/N)!” Giving back the letter, he opened the door wider and gestured for them to enter. “Here, let me get your bags for you.”

“Thank you, Mr.…?”

“Oh, it’s Hank, Hank McCoy.” He shook her hand before bringing their suitcases into the house and nudging the door closed behind them. “The professor should be in his study, so if you’ll follow me…”

While Hank led them through the halls of the mansion, (Y/N) looked around and admired the beautiful interior. Everything from the mahogany wood-paneling to the slightly-faded ornate carpeting made her feel as though she were Nick Caraway from The Great Gatsby, entering the elaborate home of the mysterious Jay Gatsby for the very first time. However, she couldn’t help but notice a distinct lack of students roaming the halls.

“Excuse me, Hank, but where are all the children?”

Hank glanced down at his wristwatch. “Right now, they’re all in fifth period. It’s usually a lot noisier around here, but I think they’re all taking tests today.” They turned down another hall and continued walking. “I’m sorry for back there, by the way, we don’t get many visitors and sometimes the ones we do get-” He bit his lip and looked down before continuing. “They’re not all exactly fans of mutants like us.” Giving his head a small shake, Hank glanced between her and Molly out of the corner of his eye. “So, um…what exactly is her-?”

See the full post

475 notes - Posted January 28, 2022

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[strunmahalok]

I posted 428 times in 2022

That's 2 more posts than 2021!

1 post created (0%)

427 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@theforceisstronginthegirl

@snarky-badger

@dragonshost

@birdsbats-maddness

I tagged 428 of my posts in 2022

#food - 86 posts

#recipe - 78 posts

#art - 29 posts

#dessert - 23 posts

#chocolate - 20 posts

#chicken - 20 posts

#idk what to tag this as - 18 posts

#music - 18 posts

#real history - 13 posts

#video - 12 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#for me some of the senarios presented were very circum stanchelso it's hard to give the all or nothing question they were looking for

My Top Posts in 2022:

Did you mean my only original post this year, tumblr?

So I was sitting and thinking about the weird things we do and don’t consider child appropriate. And I was also wondering if I ever read anything as weird as Animorphs apparently was and yeah actually I think I did.

Do y’all remember “The Guardians of Ga’Hoole” by Kathryn Lasky? Those random owl books that were apparently popular enough to make into a movie? I read all 16 of those and they got wild. Spoilers btw

The series starts with our protagonist, Soren, who is a baby. He wants to practice flying, his parents tell him he’s still too young he doesn’t have the right feathers yet. They leave to go hunting and Soren sits at the edge of the nest, fantasizing, thinking about trying it anyway, before he decides he slips and falls to the ground. So he tries to hide and wait for his parents to come save him, but he gets kidnapped by a group of owls called St, Aggie’s Orphanage. Who take children and brainwash them. These kids are forced to be active and doing stuff during they day (they are owls) and then at night instead of sleeping their forced to march in circles in a special chamber until they get “moon sickness” Eventually, Soren and three other kids teach themselves how to fly and escape searching legendary Guardians of Ga’Hoole to help them take down the evil orphanage. And that’s literally just the first book.

speedrunning the rest of the books, Soren is reunited with his old house keeper, a blind snake named Mrs. Plithiver, who tells him his parents have been murdered by an owl eugenics cult and his older brother and younger sister are missing. I am not kidding when I say eugenics. They were called The Pure Ones. They had an entire cast system built around around the tyto owl genus, with barn owls being the most “pure” and every other speices being increasingly dehumanized (deowlfied?) and if you weren’t tyoto at all you basically had to die, So any way, Soren finds he didn’t fall, he was push by his brother as an intiatian into the pure ones and rises through the ranks to become their leader. The pure ones and the orphanage decide to team up, the Ga’hoole go undercover, and in book six both organizations are basically reduced to nothing. Also somewhere in there there is something about iron filament putting off enough magnetism to mess with how their brains work in it’s very not good. But finally Soren gets to retire to be a dad.

Book seven we get a new protagonist. Coryn, the kid who was being groomed to be the heir of the now defunct eugenics cult. Despite them being basically nothing anymore his Mom is still raising him like the pure one can make a come back (think Kovu from the lion king 2). But something happens that Coryn decides that this is not for him, and he runs away to find out what the world is actually like. Okay, so these next bits I had to read the wiki to figure out. Coryn has the ability to see the future when staring into fire, he decides he needs to catch a special kind of coal from an active volcano, which he does, and then he takes it to Ga’Hoole to become their king. Also he kills his mom by shoving her into the path of a rabid wolf. There’s a lot happening their the the wiki is not jogging my memory enough to put any of that into context.

books 9-11 are a prequal arc about how  coal catching became a thing, the developemnt of back smithing in owl society (those two things have been happening the entire i just haven’t felt the need to bring them up) and how  Ga’Hoole was founded to fight Hagsfied, magic demon owl/crow hybrids. And some  worldbuilding on how dire wolf society works, That has also been in the background the entire time. Note sure when it was introduced but was really important in Coryn’s section I guess

Back into the present Coryn and the original four owls we followed go looking for a magic book used by an Arch-hagsfied, Meanwhile back at Ga’Hoole, owls start worshiping the special ember Coryn caught like it’s a golden calf. They make  up increasingly elaborate rituals and they built a prison overnight for anyone who is blasphemous towards it. The Band + Coryn come home, are horrified tear everything down and the special coal is thrown into a pile of less cool coals but nobody seems to beable to tell the difference and grab it out.

Book 13 a secret owl kingdom is discovered. The band, Coryn, and another owl named Otulissa are guided there for a visit by a blue owl  called “The Striga”. Turns out all of the owls there are blue, but some of them have weird long feathers and can’t fly without the assistance of kites. The last remnants of the pure ones apparently stalked our protags to the new kingdom. Striga kills one of them which is a big no no, so he gets banished and our heroes take him home with them.

Ah, from there on out things become very, there is “no war in Ba Sing Se” As Striga gains influence over Coryn. The Band is banished and mass book burning are instituted. The Band tries to figure out how to fix this and discover the hagsfied are not gone, Striga is one of them. And the blue owls from the secret kingdom lived very specific lifestyles to keep the hags from remembering there were evil. It’s why to no bloodshed rule was important, it maybe woke his magic? IDK the wiki is really bad for this book, some of these discoveries were maybe made in the previuos one? And the next book in the wiki is hyper detailed and I tl:dr-ed it because it’s 1am.

Anyway, anything that comes from the secret kingdom is bad new. Coryn’s mother is actually not dead and teams up with them. I guess there’s another war. The Ga’Hoole recruit a bunch of other species to help them fight the combined forces of the hag owls and the pure ones, and some where in that Coryn drops the sacred ember back into the volcano they got he it from.

And the last book is a prequel about Ezylryb. A famous in universe blacksmith.

This post was not supposed to be this long. It was supposed to be a"wow adults let me read a 16 book war series about way eugenics is bad actually and it wasn’t considered to dark for children?” But I ended up summarizing the whole series ‘cause it’s even weirder than I remember. And now this post is too long and I don’t want to get started on the spin-off series “Wolves of the Beyond” which is a six book series about why ableism is bad actually. Wolf society in these books is very ableist even in the owl-centric books it comes up decently often.

So yeah, this was one of my favorite series when I was kid and I think I started reading them when I was seven. I eagerly awaited the next book coming out and I legitimately don’t think my Mom ever checked what they were about. They were just the owl books I liked.

18 notes - Posted March 15, 2022

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[vidalinav]

@imasconfusedasyouare 1) your writing is amazing and I love your blog! 2)For the prompts: Nesta is having a bad day with her mental health and during dinner or something the IC make certain comments about how she’s behaving that makes Cassian go into possessive-mate mode and snaps at them… pretty please 🥺

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1) Thank you!

2) I took a bit of liberty with this prompt. The gist of it is the same, but I couldn’t have Cassian outright tell the IC off when I feel he is wrong himself. So I made a fic where Nesta has a bad mental health day, they do see the others and they do say things, and Cassian is selfish but ultimately they get through it because love is not.

So… here goes nothing.

~

Cassian knows Nesta doesn’t feel good. Maybe he knows her well enough by now to sense her tells or some intrinsic part of his soul sings to him of concern. That when she huddles in their bed, grasping the pillow instead of his chest, she reaches for something he can’t offer her and he knows.

Even so, he lays a palm on her forehead searching for heat and when she shrugs him off, he doesn’t let the feeling make a home in his lungs. He will not yell or chastise or run away with stupid words.

Nesta doesn’t feel good.

Be patient, the voice in his head tells him. Be slow.

Nesta eats less that morning, eats slower, and she stares into space as if she’s asking it questions. He rambles on and she doesn’t listen. She’s waiting for the space to answer, he tells himself.

They go to training. Cassian thinks maybe the routine will keep her grounded, will remind her that she’s capable. That she’s carried more weight than a sword. He asks her if she’s ready and Nesta merely lifts her hands. Fists hit but they don’t hurt. Fists hit but they don’t rage. Fists hit and Cassian thinks something must be terribly wrong. Fists hit and Cassian only wants to hold her close.

He asks Gwyn and Emerie if they notice something off, and they shrug as if they know but don’t want to tell him. Perhaps they know and they just can’t explain. Cassian doesn’t think he could understand if they did.

You can understand, that little voice speaks. You just have to wait.

So Cassian waits. Cassian sits. Cassian listens, and Nesta walks around the house, trailing room to empty room. Nesta doesn’t even turn on the symphonia. He keeps waiting for music, but the egg shaped disk stays closed and Nesta shuts her eyes. Maybe she hears music that he doesn’t.

You offered her time, the voice reminds him. A lifetime of time. What is a few hours? A few days?

But Cassian doesn’t want to wait. Cassian doesn’t want Nesta to feel anything like this–where she looks out the window with that blank expression and she keeps to herself and she sneaks up so quietly she might as well be ghost. Cassian doesn’t want a ghost for a mate.

He can’t wait any longer. Cassian has to do something now, before time slips between his fingers and the floor drops from right under their feet. So, he moves. He makes plans.

Nesta doesn’t argue when he drags her to the city. Nesta doesn’t argue when they go to the streets thrumming with sound. Fill her with noise and laughter, he thinks. Fill her with something I can’t.

But the voice in his head only chastises him. You need to wait.

Cassian can’t wait. Cassian is running out of time.

So he takes her to the only place that will make a difference.

He knows they’re having dinner, and he knows they’ll be together and perhaps they can fill her with the life he can’t.

He takes her to his family. To her family.

But they’re not really her family are they?

Feyre is and so she’s happily surprised to see them, but when she tries to give Nesta a hug, she lays as still as a statue. Feyre notices. Cassian notices. Rhysand notices. Still, they go the dining room where the rest are waiting. Waiting less patiently than him.

That’s when he hears that voice.

Are they really her family?

Cassian wants to think yes, but they laugh with each other and Nesta gets handed a plate. Nesta spoons little handfuls of green beans and mash potatoes and Mor laughs at an inside joke that Cassian knows well and Amren wants to discuss a meeting that Nesta doesn’t attend. Nesta doesn’t know anything about any of the topics they want to discuss. Nesta sits in a tower on a normal Tuesday and gazes wistfully out the window, and sitting here at the table reminds him of that stare.

It reminds him of that stare years ago. On a snowy night in December.

“You’re quiet,” Feyre says after a while. Nesta doesn’t even notice she’s being talked to until Cassian elbows her lightly.

“I’m always quiet,” she says at last, looking to her plate. Cassian watches as a noodle forms a question mark and all he can think about it why, why, why.

“You’re not usually so…”

She looks up at her sister with that blank expression, blinking slow.

“Are you okay?” Feyre asks, concern in her voice.

Nesta doesn’t even think as she says, “I’m fine.”

But he can already see it. The distasteful looks that they hide with a snort. That awkward, you are ruining something look. That you didn’t bring enough smiles for this house. And Cassian knows that they will go home tonight, and something will have gone backwards. That they’ll remember what Nesta’s done, but the Nesta they see will be the first Nesta they think about, and their memory will not be filled with heroic deeds like nighttime fairytales. It won’t even be of a courageous young female who only yearns for her sister to live. They will see this Nesta.

This perfectly good Nesta.

This perfectly, acceptable Nesta. Quiet somber songs or not.

Cassian feels himself moving before he realizes what he’s doing. He can feel himself reaching for her and Nesta looks up as if his movement surprises her. It surprises him, too, but it’s the right choice he knows.

“Let’s go home,” he breathes.

Cassian tries not to let the guilt sink in his chest at her look of relief. The way she sets the fork down as if it’s a great, heavy sword. Cassian won’t let it pierce his heart. His heart is her, and Nesta is going to be okay tomorrow.

But today…

Today, she will watch the sky and listen to nothing and pace back and forth and she’ll feel that restlessness settle in her chest until it settles down quietly. He will protect her ability to grieve. For whatever she grieves. That layer of herself she peels off like paper.

“You’re going home already?” Mor asks, a look of astonishment on her face.

“Nesta doesn’t feel good,” he says. Some part of him wants to say that it was a mistake bringing her here, but he can’t do that. That only makes Cassian a hypocrite and he’s already selfish. He knows who they are. They’re not Nesta’s family…

And this is his fault, not theirs. Not only because it’s the last place Nesta wants to be, but because if he has a hard time understanding her, they don’t even have a chance and Cassian won’t let them make Nesta feel ashamed.

Cassian doesn’t want to make Nesta feel ashamed.

All day he has. When they go to the market, when they walk through the city, when they stop by restaurants and booths and people. When they go to this house and eat with his family, he wants to shame the bad day out of her.

Nothing about Nesta is shameful.

Nothing about Nesta can make him feel ashamed.

“Home?” He repeats and Nesta grabs his outstretched hand. She says a goodbye to Feyre who raises her hand with a small tainted, tilt of her lip. They’re there for a mere thirty minutes before they’re gone.

And when they get home, she goes to the library. Nesta huddles up on the sofa with her favorite book, and sometimes she stares out the window in between pages.

Cassian sets a blanket on her shoulders, careful not to touch her unless she asks. He wants to hold her, but it isn’t about what he wants. So he covers her in I’m here cotton, keeps her warm in I love you wool. He will set his I’m thinking of you tea beside her table, and he will wait and wait and wait. Wait until the night grows dim and he does.

And at some point in the night, he falls asleep on the large chair across from her. At some point in the night he feels her climb in, her body huddled close. Nesta takes the blanket with her and she covers them both. He only needs her, Cassian thinks. He only wants her, but the blanket lays on top of them like a shield. It’ll protect them both in its embrace.

Nesta tucks her head in his neck, he can feel her cold nose on his skin, and she burrows into him, her hands rummaging beneath his shirt. The touch sings as much as it burns, but he falls asleep to the sweet smell of lavender and the soft sound of her breathing.

It’s the most wonderful music he’s ever heard.

In the morning, Cassian wakes up to the symphonia playing and Nesta’s smile is the sun.

~

Fin

~

Tagged: @my-fan-side, @sophilightwood, @nestaarcher0n, @duskandstarlight, @soitsgorgeous, @ekaterinakostrova @swankii-art-teacher, @lordof-bloodshed, @arinbelle, @thewhelk, @daisy-in-danger @highqueenevankhell, @lovelynesta, @sirendeepity, @champanheandluxxury, @ladynestaarcheron, @moodymelanist, @teagoddess99, @spoilersteph, @drielecarla,  @angelicvoice19, @bo0kmaster69, @generalnesta

~

Don’t know where these fics keep coming from, but doubt it will last so I’m enjoying the ride.

[loveoaths]

𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓.

lio, he/they,  20+. i write fic and talk about the mandalorian, star wars, and other shit i like here. sometimes that shit is nsfw.  follow at your own discretion. AO3: waterdeaths.

star wars content you’ll find here: mauldin, darth maulposting, ANDOR ANDOR ANDOR, cassian/din aka cassidin, din djarin’s sad little life, star wars meta, jedi love, mace windu, kit fisto powerhour, maulsoka, anadin (anakin/din djarin), quinobi (quinlan vos/obi-wan), lots of love for the star wars ladies (reva, padme, leia, ahsoka, luminara, asajj ventress, etcetera), dinluke, star wars: visions, and much more.

other content you’ll sporadically find here: hades (game), interview with the vampire, barbie (2023), poetry, and more.

core writing concepts:    the sins of the father as the backbones of their sons, selfish sacrifice, unearned forgiveness, thriving in spite of trauma, self-destruction as a survival mechanism, degradation of the human spirit, destruction necessitating change, what makes a man a monster, and love as the question and the answer.  dark subject matter is present; this blog is not for everyone. again, follow at your own discretion.    

on fic:  reblogs, likes, and commenting on my fic in the tags are all HEAVILY ENCOURAGED. i love to see everyone’s thoughts on what i’m writing. don’t be shy. let me be nosy. 

i accept writing prompts and requests! i have the right to decline requests as well. this is for fun, people.

in-progress fics 

Attachment Theory (Rating: E) Din is a Mandalorian, but when Luke comes for Grogu on Moff Gideon's ship, he acts like a Jedi: he selflessly gives the child up.  Grogu is a Jedi-in-training, but he acts like a Mandalorian: he is territorial and attached to his buir, and his protectiveness easily manifests as violence. Luke is supposed to be Grogu's Jedi Master, but how is he supposed to teach Grogu how to let go, when he himself struggles not to hold onto parts of his past?

The answer: the trio go on stupidly a dangerous cross-galaxy road-trip in the rebuilt Razor Crest to a lost Jedi library in search of Jedi training tools. Pairing: Dinluke, DinMaul(ish).

The Father, The Son, and the Unholy Ghost (Rating: T)  Luke likes Din. Din likes Luke. Din is less crazy about Luke's insane, evil father who keeps trying to kill him from beyond the grave. Pairing: Dinluke. Now featuring art by @its-not-a-pen​!

Fate Lays Her Heavy Hand (Rating: T, Eventually E) Darth Momin, heretic of the Sith and galaxy’s greatest hater, time-travels to the Republic Era to end Sidious’ reign before it begins. Why? Because he hates Sidious almost as much as he loves the Force. Pairing:  Maul/Padme/Momin, Vader/Krismo Sodi

Nothing is My Name (Rating: T/Gen) An exploration of Din Djarin’s life, from his childhood on Aq Vetina to his early years as the Covert’s lead hunter. Pairing: Mild Din/Armorer, Din/Paz Viszla, unrequited!Din/OC

The Devil’s Red Right Hand (Rating: T, Eventually E) Through sheer orneriness and force of will, Maul rejects death, rips a hole in the Force, and propels himself back in time to destroy Sidious by stopping the Clone Wars from ever happening. First stop: Naboo. Pairing: Potentially Maul/Padme

In the Shadow of the Valley (Rating: T, Eventually M) AU. The first Mandalorian Jedi was Tarre Viszla. The second was Din Djarin. AKA, the one where Din is a padawan, and everything is terrible. Pairing: Potentially Din/Padme/Anakin

The Bitten Hand Holds the Bounty (Rating: M for torture and graphic death) Someone hires Cad Bane to kidnap Grogu. Din sets the galaxy aflame to get him back. Pairing: DinCobb

Negative Space (Rating: T, Eventually E) Nature, they say, hates a vacuum. Which explains why Din, someone who is force negative or totally cut off from the Force, touches the Force beacon on Typhon and screws up the time-stream so bad he winds up in the Old Republic Era.

finished fics

creature of desire, you’ve a fever for the fire: (Rating: M, graphic animal death | Wordcount: 3000) In which godhood is a thing with teeth, sainthood was made to block the light, and Kimimaro is just a man looking for divinity in the flesh.

patches make the quilt  (Rating: T | Wordcount: 5633) The war is over. Haku and Zabuza rebuild their lives on a farm, and find themselves growing in the process.

death of a bellflower (Rating: T | Wordcount: 1238) Even for a Kaguya, Kimimaro is especially out of touch, with a naivety that seems incongruous with his family name. Privately, Kimimaro’s milky, wide-eyed stares remind Haku of a newborn kitten’s: seeing without discerning. Zabuza thinks he's a liability. Haku thinks he’s cute. Pairing: Haku/Kimimaro, first crush

death is a friend of mine (Rating: T | Wordcount: 5676) Haku’s never feared dying; he’s done it many times. It's finding something to live for that's the hard part.

blood under the bridge  (Rating: T | Wordcount: 1302) Zabuza dies during the battle for the bridge. Haku dies with him, though his heart yet beats.

a kicked dog still bites (Rating: T | Wordcount: 600) Yamato is assigned surveillance duty over a Yuki, of all things, and he’s 100% certain the next six months are about to be cold and miserable. Pairing: Gen

din djarin posting

force negative!din 

fic about din and grogu time traveling in the stupidest way possible and meeting anikin and obi-wan

dinluke

padawan!din au (wip)

cassadin

fic and rarepair tags

all fic tag.

rarepair tag.

rarepair of the day tag.

oc content

clone trooper cake.

gen oc tag.

ryogi tag.

writing stuff

words/writing i like.

yearly writing recap

2021 + 2022