#ever since i was a little girl i wanted to live under a bloodthirsty cruel dictator

[larvae-pietatis]

OOOHHHHH Maddie betrayal!!!! this girl just longs to be a fascist doesnt she

[emo-toaster]

Since some of you asked— I'll be trying to write a Beauty and the Beast fic with YN and Gyutaro . Yay (๑>◡<๑)

This post contains both prologue and chapter 1! Also, I'll try to make Y/N as gender neutral as I can!

Warning! English is my second language. If you find any errors in my writing, please understand. I used autocorrect to help me with my grammar and spelling, so I'm deeply sorry if any mistakes were made. Dyslexia + writing in a second language = challenging task (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

Anyways, enjoy!!!

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Beauty and the Beast.

Miko’s attempt at making a good fic.

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Prologue

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Once upon a time, in the heart of Japan, on the outskirts of Yoshiwara, there was a castle. In this very castle, there once was a prince. A prince with a heart so cold, cruel and petty that people’s faces twisted with disgust and fear even by hearing his name. He taxed the district that was under his rule; so he could fill his castle with only the most beautiful, expensive objects and to have only beautiful and high-ranking guests at extravagant parties he threw.

But one night, a ‘doctor’ with her assistant entered the castle; looking for shelter from the ruthless storm and bitter cold outside. In exchange for help, the doctor wanted to offer the prince a single red rose. The prince wanted to turn them away immediately, ignoring the gift, blinded by his own bitterness, but the woman warned him not to be so quick and act without thinking about his actions first. When the prince wanted to turn to violence instead, the woman revealed herself, surprisingly due to her calm nature, as a powerful demonic being. Seeing that there was no love nor compassion in the prince’s heart, she and her assistant transformed the prince into a literal demon, casting a powerful spell on the castle and all those who lived there.

The rose; a gift from the mysterious Lady, would bloom until the prince’s 26th birthday. If he could learn to love another and forget about his violent ways until the last petal of the flower fell, the spell would be broken. If not; he would be doomed to remain a bloodthirsty monster for all eternity.

Days bled into years, and the prince and his servants were forgotten by the world... The powerful castle, claimed by the deep, snowy forest around it, became cut off from the rest of the world. With every passing day, the prince fell into despair and lost all of his hope.

For who could ever learn to love a beast?

.

.

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Chapter 1: One single rose

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”Good morning!”

There was silence for a moment, before at least ten different voices repeated the greeting. Little town, a small, quiet village; every day was like the one before. People rushed to the market, buying eggs, rice and vegetables. Merchants walked through the main streets, selling coal, wood, fabrics or such. Children played around, running, singing songs or fighting each other with long sticks, pretending to be mighty warriors. Your basket was slowly filled up with groceries; fish, fruit, vegetables. There was the merchant with his rice as always, the same old things to sell. Every day was just the same, since the day that you and your father came to this small, safe town. People talked, laughed, or even gossiped. Every second, a new voice was audible in the crowd.

“Ah, good morning there! ” A sweet voice called to you before a sweet maiden came over.

“Good morning. Miss Koyuki! Have you lost something again?” You called back with a smile as the girl approached.

“I’m not sure…oh well, I’ll hopefully find it one day. Where are you off to?” She asked with a sweet smile, looking over at you with those big, warm eyes.

“I’m going home…with a new book; it’s about two lovers who lived in the west”

“Sounds so sweet! Hm— I feel like I'm missing something again, forgive me!” Koyuki answered before waving goodbye and going back to her own problems. It was always like this, something seemed to escape her mind every time you saw that sweet damsel. As if something was there once, but then suddenly disappeared.

It was another day, like dozens of other days here. The same people, same routine and same town over and over again. You were never a permanent part of any crowd, maybe because sometimes your head was stuck on some cloud, and people saw you as the funny one. Father said that it was safe, that it was good, that it was just how things were everywhere. But how can this be compared to all the stories you saw written on paper? Brave warriors, beautiful women, curses, battles, monsters and so much more were right there, in the books you managed to collect over the years. Even if it wasn’t much, it had to do. How many times have you dreamt of leaving this place, of just seeking something more out there? This place wasn’t bad of course, but you had a feeling, a small voice inside your head was telling you that something way greater was waiting out there just to be discovered, seen, understood. There had to be more than this simple life.

You seemed so peculiar to all those around you, like a puzzle to be solved, but all those things could just fade away when a book was opened by you. Oh, it was so amazing. And this exact book had your favorite part in it; the one where the protagonist meets their prince charming, but they don’t discover that it’s him until chapter 6.

The town lived its own life, but there was one person focused on you at that moment. Kaigaku. His eyes narrowed slightly as he looked in your direction after finishing his spare with Zenitsu.

“Look there, my future spouse. They're the fairest of them all in this little shithole. When I become a great samurai, they will be right at my side, all sweet and all.”

Kaigaku hummed before tossing the wooden katana away, before Zenitsu picked it up.

“True, but they're more into— you know. Doesn't grandpa say it's good to share interests?”

Zenitsu answered meekly before looking up at Kaigaku while they both stared at you passing through the market.

“I don't really care, but I feel like I'm missing something…and they give me this thrill”

Kaigaku hummed before walking towards the market as Zenitsu followed along. From the moment Kaigaku met you, saw you, he thought you're gorgeous and he fell. So he had been making plans to woo and marry you for a while now. It was like chasing something so rare and unobtainable, it always gave him those chills that he slowly grew to like more and more.

You slowly moved through the streets, looking into one of the books belonging to you, moving towards your house.

In the exact same moment, a hand snatched the book out of your hands. A familiar face showed up with a small grin on his lips. Kaigaku. And Zenitsu not far away from him, of course. Their master, or rather ’Gramps’, as they both called him, really wanted them to get along, so they were spending a lot of time together. Even when Kaigaku showed clear displeasure in that.

“I thought we lost you there for a second. How can you read this crap, there are no pictures at all… I thought they’re making books more interesting now, but this is just disappointing. Absolutely nothing to focus your eye on. Funny how you can even read all this...”

He muttered before the book came back into your hands. Funny; that’s your role around here. You seemed to be the only person who wasn’t able to get used to the very boring reality. People thought you were daydreaming too much, it was harmless of course, but there was always an excuse that there were more important things to do instead.

“Well, I guess you could always use your imagination when reading a book” You answered before Kaigaku raised his eyebrows and huffed softly

“Well, it’s a waste of time anyway, I focused just on my training and the world around me, and I’m turning out just fine.”

He answered before making an angry face as Zenitsu was about to say something in protest. The yellow haired boy then looked away, not bothering to say anything, clearly intimidated by Kaigaku and the possibility of getting punched for saying anything.

“Well, I was thinking that you could come, watch me train, maybe I’d inspire you like I did to many other people already...” Kaigaku added with a smug look on his face, trying to show off.

“I’m afraid I can’t, I’m sorry.”You answered, getting ready to leave, yet his hand stopped you.

“You’re busy?”He asked quickly before you yanked your hand away and moved away.

“No, not really.”

Those were the last words leaving your lips before you walked away. Zenitsu just waved you goodbye before Kaigaku scowled at him and punched him on the arm, making Zenitsu whine in slight pain afterwards.

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The door opened quietly as you walked into your house. A soft sound of tools being used while soft muttering started being audible as well.

“Hello, father.” You said softly, gently putting the grocery basket next to the door. As you stepped out of your geta, your father turned towards you, noticing that you entered due to the door leading into his working room being open.

“Welcome back— uh…could you pass me the…” The old man didn't get to finish before you passed him the right tool and he immediately started working. With western culture slowly entering Japan, many new items became popular, like music boxes. You felt lucky that your father quickly picked up on making simple and then complicated mechanisms, and soon enough began creating music boxes, just like those from the western countries! Maybe one day he would sell enough and that would help in getting a new house in a new place where something new could be already waiting for you? Who knows…

While father was working, you wandered off into the kitchen, taking out some of the groceries you got from the market. The sounds of water boiling soon enough filled the room as breakfast was being prepared. Miso soup was poured into two bowls, steamed rice was put into others as you chopped down some veggies and fried some eggs into tamagoyaki.

Once you sat down by the table, father joined you as you both ate. The old man swallowed his meal rather quickly, but how can you blame him? Your dear father was a busy man who constantly worked to try and make your lives better. He was really passionate about assembling his music boxes and other gizmos he produced in his room all day. That's how it just was, just you and your father trying to reach out for the stars.

.

.

.

“Is it the last one?” You asked as your father carefully packed the finished music box. As it joined the others, also beautifully packed, your father nodded, slowly turning to face you.

“Let's hope I can sell those to very wealthy people. Next time, maybe I'll take you to sell the music boxes with me? You've always wanted to see some new places, so once I figure out where to sell my creations, we'll be able to go together.” Your father smiled, slowly walking towards the cart outside to put his creations inside it.

“Are you sure you can pull this cart all on your own?” You asked, slowly leaving the house alongside your father as he prepared for his journey.

“Of course. I'm not that old! I'll manage, I can work on my own just fine.” The old man answered with a smile as he finally got ready.

“I'll be passing through bigger towns and districts, would you like me to bring you something? Maybe a fan, or a new haori…perhaps a whole new kimono if I find one with a nice price.” Your father chuckled, waiting for your answer.

“Oh, that's too much. I don't need anything right now so…I just wish for a safe journey for you. As for any souvenirs— a single rise will do, really.” You answered, feeling the soft rays of sun hitting your and your father's faces.

“A single rise? Oh well, I can't argue with you about it, especially if you truly want it, even if it's so little.”He answered, chuckling quietly once more, before starting to walk down the path that would lead him out of the village.

You waved your father goodbye, hoping his journey would be safe and that he would hit the market with his handmade music boxes. With this on your mind, you couldn't help but wish that everything would go as planned, that your dear father would earn as much money as possible and that your life could perhaps change for the better? There had to be something waiting for you in the great, wide somewhere. Something was waiting, yearning, screaming to be seen. Hidden away deep in the darkness just to be discovered. When you couldn't see your father anymore, you just peacefully walked back into the house. There were still some things to be managed, and once father returns, he'll be happy to see everything done. Once father returns, everything can get only better, right? Father will return, and everything will be good, wonderful even.

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Okay! Here we are with the prologue and the first chapter! I hope I did good, since this is literally the first fanfiction I ever published for everyone and not just my friends— ( ˶°ㅁ°) !!

[apocryphalfiles]

The truth of "Mira Kano"

Shouldn't the cruel reality she'd woken up in, forced to fight against those disgusting, bloodthirsty creatures, have been tribulation enough? She never thought she'd be forced into miserable combat on the ground, watching humans be ripped apart by monsters, fighting for her own right to live. And so she was naturally exhausted, but she had no choice. Apparently, she was uniquely equipped to be effective at battle, too, in possession of a rare ESP ability that only a handful of people had ever developed. She never asked for that, but maybe she was a little happy to know how special she was.

In truth, she had never really considered the menace to humanity some faraway threat, even if the world around her was still peaceful, even if she hoped she'd never have to confront it personally. She had kept up with the news involving the angels and their attacks and humanity's response, its valiant resistance against its own collapse.

If assisting with that effort was the price for her revival, it was a small price to pay.

...But was that really the case?

Something had been nagging at her ever since she'd woken up on that spaceship containing unimaginable technology. She remembered a fringe extremist terrorist who had been known for his radical viewpoints. She had read only a few of his posts before, those which were most easily accessible to ordinary people, but once she returned home from that first grueling battle, she researched him in more depth. She uncovered even those posts which had been deleted off of the surface web by moderators looking to curate extremist information and studied each one. The more she read, the more clearly she was able to understand his point of view: A worldview that was like poison, cruel and bleak in every way. In other words, the truth.

To find closure for this nagging feeling, she found the body of Mira Kano. Yes, it was there. Lifeless, her eyes shut, never again to open. Before it could be buried, she stole it away. She took deep into the forest, into a place no one else should have known. There was a small altar there, makeshift, crafted by a child, where a single rosary lay. The young Mira Kano had said her prayers to the very same God that sought to destroy humanity on her knees in this clearing. There, she said everything she had wanted to keep private from everyone else: her peers and the Sisters that took care of them both. The words she shared were to be between her and God alone.

With a shovel, she dug a grave out of the dirt. Even as rain started to fall, turning the dirt heavy with mud, neither did she stop for a moment nor allow her companion to assist her. By night, Mira Kano was buried under a mound of earth. The shovel fell to the ground beside her resting place, and then she fell to her knees with it.

Static. Possessed by a single-minded drive to complete the task before her, she hadn't allowed herself to think until that girl was buried. Maybe she knew as soon as she saw her. As soon as she saw the Mira Kano...

who was not her.

Magical Mirai Girl Mira woke up one day to find out that everything in her town had been replaced. It all looked the same, the people all acted the same, but in her heart of hearts, she knew. Everything was the same, but at the same time, it wasn't. A perfect imitation. It was a crushing crushing normalcy. The kind of normal that stifled you, like a weight on your chest slowly, slowly pressing down until you can't breathe anymore. What did Mira do? ...Actually, I lied. It wasn't that everything else had been replaced. It was me. I'm the thing that doesn't belong.

How would she feel if someone else had taken over her life? If she were no longer in the driver's seat, but she'd been replaced with someone who looked and acted just like her? Someone who fooled everyone she cared about. Who received her parents' love, the love she worked tirelessly to earn. Who stole her dream, who took it in her place, and was finally able to give and receive love from the one she yearned to be with. If she were on the outside, looking in-

No, stop it! Voiceless, she'd try to scream. Stop! That's mine! That should be mine! It's not yours to take! Give it back! Give it back, it doesn't belong to you! Give me back myself!

No one would be able to tell the difference. A perfect imitation.

Knowing that would only hurt the person everything was stolen from more deeply.

If I could look in on a fake "me" steal everything I had, my name, my face, and claim my love as her own, all the while I was helpless and inert, unable to even shout that something was taken- I would rather gouge my eyes out.

How wicked. How perverse. The worst kind of graverobbing. It defiled the dead in every way. An unforgivable sin.

Who was the name of that sinner? ...Right, wasn't it "Odin?"

"A-AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

It was wrong. No, no, it was wrong. Ahhh, no, she wanted to live! She wanted to live! What was her life?! If she died then, what did all her effort amount to!? What did her yearning amount to?! She couldn't die, not like this, not like that, unsatisfied and unfulfilled! All she'd ever wanted in this world was to love and be loved. Was even that too much to ask!? A wish so small that anyone should have the right to have it granted, and yet it had value, to her, equivalent to the entire world. She wanted to run into the arms of that man and tell him she was all right! She wanted to give him the words she could never give him while she still lived! No, no, no. She was already on the other side. It was too late, it was too late, there was no longer any hope that she could survive. She was already dead. She remembered her last moments. No, she remembered Mira's last moments.

Instead of speaking those three words she waited her whole life to give away...

Mira Kano had cursed her fate.

Her hands full of dirt, her clothes filthy with mud, the clone of Mira Kano wailed over the rain. She bemoaned her fate, her helplessness, the perverse wrongness of her current form. Now that her eyes had been opened about what she truly was, it was too late to close them, to pretend she didn't notice.

When faced with an insurmountable despair, most people will break. Ignorance is one shield. Denial is another. Finally, you can always give up. When the weight of reality becomes too cruel, too unbearable, quitting is always an option. However, the problem with Mira Kano was that she was not the kind of woman who could give up. She was too ambitious for her own good, too stubborn and passionate to accept the easy out of oblivion. She would see her dreams through with a single-minded resolve, with every fiber of her being. That was why, instead of choosing the easy path and folding here,

After trying so hard to find any other option available to her and failing, being cornered by the finality of her situation, inflexible and unforgiving to her spirit,

She realized that there was only one remaining: the hardest path in the world, so cruel that even by considering it, she felt like her spirit was being crushed in a pitiless vice. Actually pursuing it would put her on the road to a Hell hotter than anything she ever imagined she could endure.

Mira Kano was a fiercely ambitious person, the kind of person who would see her goals through without fail. That was why she grasped onto that Hellish decision, something so hot and terrible that she thought she could feel her soul beginning to burn away. And once she had accepted that this was the only path available to her, and that meant that she would pursue it at any cost, even if she had to burn her own sprit to ash in the process, she would fight for it with everything she had and everything she was. It was a final, unbreakable resolve, steeled against the expectation that by stepping forward, she would be ripping her own heart to pieces.

"Mira Kano... no matter what, I promise that I won't betray you."

She didn't know how long she had been crying before she finally stood up. Her arms and legs felt like jello. She could barely stand, so when she slipped in the rain-washed mud, she fell into Kana's arms.

"Kana, do you see that...? The girl we just buried. That's the real Mira. What am I...? A fake. An imitation. Something that shouldn't exist." She thought she had cried all she could, but the tears came fresh as she sobbed into Kana's chest. She realized... that she was very fortunate to have been paired with someone like Kana. Kana, a good girl who wore her heart on her sleeve, who had been suffering under the weight of her own baggage. That guilt and self-isolation were virtues... because they made her easier to control. Personally speaking, it was true that Mira liked Kana. She enjoyed her company. These tears weren't lies, either. She was really showing this dirty, filthy, authentic self to her partner, warts and all. And yet even so, despite that, because Kana, too, had shown her weakness, Mira resolved to take advantage of that weakness, to twist Kana around her finger until her world revolved around Mira.

She would replace "the world" in Kana's mind and become the only sun that Kana could orbit around.

"I'll accept you no matter what, no matter how broken and sinful you are." She promised, gazing into Kana's eyes, having already resolved to fill this Valkyrie's need for forgiveness and take her everything in return. "So can you do the same for me, Kana...?" She knew she had hooked her. It was Kana's fault. If she hadn't shown her back to her, honestly provided an easy entry point to her heart in her guilt and shame, it might not have come to this. But seeing blood in the water, Mira had pounced, merciless in her efficiency. She wouldn't let Kana escape her orbit anymore.

"Thank you, Kana. From now on, you're my only ally. We're the only ones who have to know about each other's filth. A bond that goes deeper than skin, intertwining even our spirits. Because you're the one person I'll put my faith in... I'll tell you this: the decision I've come to."

She pulled away from Kana. Her limbs had regained their strength enough to let her stand on her own. Water washed away the mud on her hands as her arms outstretched, as if to let her palms catch the falling rain.

"I am not Mira Kano. The real Mira Kano is dead, and a cruel plot from Odin would create an impostor to take her place. The real Mira Kano... was a strong, intelligent, passionate, and determined. She worked so hard to achieve her ambitions. Those tireless years she spent trying to earn her place in this world... they all amounted to nothing. Because I have these memories, these memories that were stolen from the real Mira Kano when she was defiled, I know her better than anybody else, than anybody ever could. She hated the God who would abandon humanity. She cherished humanity above anything else. She believed in its beauty, its capability, and its potential. And what she wanted for herself..."

"Was love. That's all. She wanted to love someone else truly, with her whole spirit, to give herself to them. If only she could have been allowed this one thing, she would have lived fulfilled. But she died before she could ever confess her love to a single person. She died cruelly... unfairly. No single person was to blame. Instead, it's this world that's the problem. The world that would deny Mira Kano her honest wish, send her to an early grave, and then dare to bastardize her name by putting a fake in her place cannot be the right world. Kana... this world, it's wrong. This reality can't be allowed to stand. Even if I were to disappear, and Mira Kano's grave were to be restored... how many others has Odin subjected to this fate? How many people will he defile in the future? Their lives, their legacies, their relationships. All of them will be tainted by a lie. A person's life rightly belongs only to them."

"And Odin, the sinner who stole everything that Mira Kano had, would ask me to fight for this world's future?! No. My future has already been stolen from me. This world is wrong. It's gone down the wrong path. I will never accept a world that denied Mira Kano the right to her wish. So I'll reject it. With everything I am, I reject this reality. Let it be destroyed, let this timeline be pruned away! Even if there's only me... even if I'm the only one who knows her this intimately, I will not let Mira Kano be forgotten as long as I exist. I will be her only advocate, her funeral, her evil wraith, the vengeful spirit that denies the world that denied her. I will avenge Mira Kano, even if it means ensuring that this world as it is disappears!"

"If I'm going to have any effect on this war, I will have no choice but to take her name and her place, but this is only a temporary sin, one that will sooner or later be wiped away." Her name... what was her name? She didn't want to steal Mira Kano's name. Even if she had to present that way to the world, at least in her heart of hearts, and at least to Kana, who knew everything now, she could express her resolve not to rob Mira of that, to leave Mira something. "Instead, my name... my name...? Ah. I've decided." If she was to keep from stealing someone else's name, she'd have to determine her own. "Whenever we're alone, from now on, call me by the name 'Altera.'"

...That was Altera's resolve. That was the strength of her determination not to defile the girl she received her identity from.

Whoever she had to use- humans, Valkyries, or even God and Her angels- they would all just be tools to ensure that this timeline met a dead end. Her loyalty was no longer to Odin, to God, to humanity, or even to her own heart. That loyalty belonged to one person and one person alone:

Mira Kano.

This timeline was a dead end. It had gone down the wrong path. Therefore, it had to be ended.

When it was all over, when this reality was rejected, maybe...

Could she return to the true world then...?

To a happier path. To a world where she still had a future.

Or maybe the world would start anew. Try again, repeat until it was right.

If only the ending that awaited her could be so bright.

...For a long time now, she'd thought,

It would be nice if this was all a bad dream. And then I'd wake up. I'd wake up in a familiar room, and there, standing over me, there he would be.

"Good morning, Mira." Rowen would say as he wiped the tears away from my eyes. And of course he was talking to me. Who else would I be but Mira Kano? "Did you have a bad dream?" Now that I'd finally woken up, the details would be fading from memory, as they tended to do with dreams. All I could remember was my heartache. "...Yes. I had a very long, very sad dream. I was so, so scared. I was so alone. It was so hard." "It's all over now. You're here. Here I am." He'd hug me close to his chest and comfort me, and I'd relax in his arms. I didn't have to be scared anymore. I wasn't alone. Thank God. Thank God that dream hadn't been reality. ...But every morning I wake up alone in Mira's bed, I'm still here. Trapped inside of this unending nightmare.

To the Machine God before her, the clone of Mira Kano confessed everything: her revelation, her ambition, her burden, her sins. She exposed the truth hidden behind so many carefully constructed layers of obfuscation, the truth that was her heart, something that she had sworn never to speak of while her goal remained unfulfilled. The weight of these secrets, infinitely exploitable, capable of destroying her in any number of ways, was equivalent to the weight of her soul.

In that world where only the two of them existed, she bore her soul to him.

Calling his bargain "Faustian" had been an apt comparison.

"Hearing that there was another path available to me, no matter how harrowing, no matter how improbable, you have no idea... how much of a salvation that was to me."

Mira Kano. The enigmatic Mira Kano, the center of so many intertwining threads-

Who was Mira Kano?

Mira Kano was not an average girl. She had always been an incredible person possessed of a uniquely dignified spirit. She was born into squalor, unwanted, but saved by Takumi and Mine Kano. She didn't dwell on her misfortune. Instead, she was overwhelmed by her blessings. Being adopted into a wealthy family, being wanted for the first time in her life, was like a dream come true. She swore that she would repay her parents' kindness and generosity. And so she worked tirelessly to improve herself. No matter what she did, she was determined to excel. She wouldn't accept failure as an option. Whether it was education, cooking, fitness, modeling, writing, painting, philosophy, strategy- she possessed a natural talent in a great many things, and where her talent was lacking, she filled in the gap with sheer, persistent hard work. She would never once complain about being adopted. She would not withdraw just because she didn't share her family's blood. She would never treat her parents as anything other than her own. Whether they were her "real" family or not, the distinction didn't matter to her. Not one time since she met Takumi and Mine Kano did she ever tell them "no." It was a very intentional development: she would become the perfect daughter to her parents. She would become a perfect person. She was principled, too. She had rigid requirements for herself, and she was her own harshest critic. She would work harder than nearly anyone, and she would give her free time to charity. All the while, she searched for people who could inspire her to greater heights. She searched for people to show her the true potential of human nature. It wasn't an outside force that pushed her to be this way. No one was forcing their expectations on her. She never felt trapped by the requirements of society. This character was innate to Mira Kano. Because trusting others didn't come easily to her, she was a lonely girl. Despite that, she craved connections with other people. She wanted someone to break through the walls she had erected. And yet, although she was lonely, she also possessed a powerful charisma. Mira Kano was a person capable of a dangerous magnetism. She had the potential to draw people into her orbit with merciless efficiency. If she had wanted it, she could have become an influential cult leader. But that had never been her desire. Even so, her character was capable of warping others, whether she meant to or not. She could inspire in them a devotion that bordered on religious in its intensity. Mira Kano was the sun that could break apart the darkness in others or burn them to ash. There was no greater demonstration of the inescapable pull of Mira Kano's gravity than this: After her own death, once she was no longer capable of speaking for herself, even her own clone would devote her heart, her life, and her worship to her. Her everything would be dedicated to the original. Chained to her principles, the stifling obligations that only Mira Kano was capable of creating, she would tear her own heart to shreds over and over again if it meant serving Mira Kano's will.

"I will become God." Altera repeated her conviction. "The one thing Mira Kano is absolutely not permitted to do is to give up. Even if I have to watch over this world until the end of time, I will never lose hope in humanity. I will fix this broken world, repair it, make right the atrocities committed by the current God. I will restore what was lost and create hope in this world's future. And I..."

"Will save Mira Kano!"

Only God could save those who had already died, after all. With God's power, she could even revive the dead. She could achieve true revival, not an imitation like the monstrosities Odin created.

Even the possibility of that salvation, however unreasonable, however faint... had finally freed her from this ice-cold Hell of Mira Kano's design.

[endymionreads]

So I've never done the Magical Readathon before, but it happened to cross my tl this afternoon on twitter, and I figured, since I'm trying to get back into reading, why not? It was the perfect opportunity!

I will be attempting all of the exams, and whatever I pass will be the N.E.W.T.S. I take if I do that in August! I don’t really know what I want to choose for a career yet, both irl and for the Readathon, so I’ll just be taking the exams and seeing where I end up!

You can view my TBR under the cut!

Ancient Runes → Read a book with a heart on the cover or in the title.

Bring Me Their Hearts by Sara Wolf

Zera is a Heartless – the immortal, unageing soldier of a witch. Bound to the witch Nightsinger ever since she saved her from the bandits who murdered her family, Zera longs for freedom from the woods they hide in. With her heart in a jar under Nightsinger’s control, she serves the witch unquestioningly. Until Nightsinger asks Zera for a Prince’s heart in exchange for her own, with one addendum; if she’s discovered infiltrating the court, Nightsinger will destroy her heart rather than see her tortured by the witch-hating nobles. Crown Prince Lucien d’Malvane hates the royal court as much as it loves him – every tutor too afraid to correct him and every girl jockeying for a place at his darkly handsome side. No one can challenge him – until the arrival of Lady Zera. She’s inelegant, smart-mouthed, carefree, and out for his blood. The Prince’s honor has him quickly aiming for her throat. So begins a game of cat and mouse between a girl with nothing to lose and a boy who has it all. Winner takes the loser’s heart. Literally.

Arithmancy → Read a book outside your favorite genre.

Red, White, & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

What happens when America's First Son falls in love with the Prince of Wales? When his mother became President of the United States, Alex Claremont-Diaz was promptly cast as the American equivalent of a young royal. Handsome, charismatic, genius—his image is pure millennial-marketing gold for the White House. There's only one problem: Alex has a beef with an actual prince, Henry, across the pond. And when the tabloids get hold of a photo involving an Alex/Henry altercation, U.S./British relations take a turn for the worse. Heads of the family and state and other handlers devise a plan for damage control: Stage a truce between the two rivals. What at first begins as a fake, Instagrammable friendship grows deeper, and more dangerous, than either Alex or Henry could have imagined. Soon Alex finds himself hurtling into a secret romance with a surprisingly unstuffy Henry that could derail the presidential campaign and upend two nations. It raises the question: Can love save the world after all? Where do we find the courage, and the power, to be the people we are meant to ben? And how can we learn to let our true colors shine through? , how will history remember you?

Astronomy → Read the majority of the book at night.

We Rule the Night by Claire Eliza Bertlett

Seventeen-year-old Revna is a factory worker, manufacturing war machines for the Union of the North. When she's caught using illegal magic, she fears being branded a traitor and imprisoned.

Meanwhile, on the front lines, Linne defied her father, a Union general, and disguised herself as a boy to join the army. They're both offered a reprieve from punishment if they use their magic in a special women's military flight unit and undertake terrifying, deadly missions under cover of darkness.

Revna and Linne can hardly stand to be in the same cockpit, but if they can't fly together, and if they can't find a way to fly well, the enemy's superior firepower will destroy them--if they don't destroy each other first.We Rule the Night is a powerful story about sacrifice, complicated friendships, and survival despite impossible odds

Care of Magical Creatures → Read a book with a creature with a beak on the cover.

Spin the Dawn by Elizabeth Lim

Maia Tamarin dreams of becoming the greatest tailor in the land, but as a girl, the best she can hope for is to marry well. When a royal messenger summons her ailing father, once a tailor of renown, to court, Maia poses as a boy and takes his place. She knows her life is forfeit if her secret is discovered, but she'll take that risk to achieve her dream and save her family from ruin. There's just one catch: Maia is one of twelve tailors vying for the job. Backstabbing and lies run rampant as the tailors compete in challenges to prove their artistry and skill. Maia's task is further complicated when she draws the attention of the court magician, Edan, whose piercing eyes seem to see straight through her disguise. And nothing could have prepared her for the final challenge: to sew three magic gowns for the emperor's reluctant bride-to-be, from the laughter of the sun, the tears of the moon, and the blood of stars. With this impossible task before her, she embarks on a journey to the far reaches of the kingdom, seeking the sun, the moon, and the stars, and finding more than she ever could have imagined.

Charms → Read a book that has a white cover.

The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater

It is freezing in the churchyard, even before the dead arrive. Every year, Blue Sargent stands next to her clairvoyant mother as the soon-to-be dead walk past. Blue herself never sees them—not until this year, when a boy emerges from the dark and speaks directly to her. His name is Gansey, and Blue soon discovers that he is a rich student at Aglionby, the local private school. Blue has a policy of staying away from Aglionby boys. Known as Raven Boys, they can only mean trouble. But Blue is drawn to Gansey, in a way she can’t entirely explain. He has it all—family money, good looks, devoted friends—but he’s looking for much more than that. He is on a quest that has encompassed three other Raven Boys: Adam, the scholarship student who resents all the privilege around him; Ronan, the fierce soul who ranges from anger to despair; and Noah, the taciturn watcher of the four, who notices many things but says very little. For as long as she can remember, Blue has been warned that she will cause her true love to die. She never thought this would be a problem. But now, as her life becomes caught up in the strange and sinister world of the Raven Boys, she’s not so sure anymore.

Defense Against the Dark Arts → Read a book set at the sea or on the coast.

Seafire by Natalie C. Parker

After her family is killed by corrupt warlord Aric Athair and his bloodthirsty army of Bullets, Caledonia Styx is left to chart her own course on the dangerous and deadly seas. She captains her ship, the Mors Navis, with a crew of girls and women just like her, who have lost their families and homes because of Aric and his men. The crew has one mission: stay alive, and take down Aric's armed and armored fleet. But when Caledonia's best friend and second-in-command barely survives an attack thanks to help from a Bullet looking to defect, Caledonia finds herself questioning whether to let him join their crew. Is this boy the key to taking down Aric Athair once and for all . . . or will he threaten everything the women of the Mors Navis have worked for?

Divination → Assign numbers to your TBR List, and use a generator to pick the book.

All the Stars and Teeth by Adalyn Grace

Set in a kingdom where danger lurks beneath the sea, mermaids seek vengeance with song, and magic is a choice. She will reign. As princess of the island kingdom Visidia, Amora Montara has spent her entire life training to be High Animancer—the master of souls. The rest of the realm can choose their magic, but for Amora, it’s never been a choice. To secure her place as heir to the throne, she must prove her mastery of the monarchy’s dangerous soul magic. When her demonstration goes awry, Amora is forced to flee. She strikes a deal with Bastian, a mysterious pirate: he’ll help her prove she’s fit to rule, if she’ll help him reclaim his stolen magic. But sailing the kingdom holds more wonder—and more peril—than Amora anticipated. A destructive new magic is on the rise, and if Amora is to conquer it, she’ll need to face legendary monsters, cross paths with vengeful mermaids, and deal with a stow-away she never expected… or risk the fate of Visidia and lose the crown forever. I am the right choice. The only choice. And I will protect my kingdom.

Herbology → Read a book where title starts with an m.

Mirage by Somaiya Daud

In a star system dominated by the brutal Vathek empire, eighteen-year-old Amani is a dreamer. She dreams of what life was like before the occupation; she dreams of writing poetry like the old-world poems she adores; she dreams of receiving a sign from Dihya that one day, she, too, will have adventure, and travel beyond her isolated moon. But when adventure comes for Amani, it is not what she expects: she is kidnapped by the regime and taken in secret to the royal palace, where she discovers that she is nearly identical to the cruel half-Vathek Princess Maram. The princess is so hated by her conquered people that she requires a body double, someone to appear in public as Maram, ready to die in her place. As Amani is forced into her new role, she can’t help but enjoy the palace’s beauty—and her time with the princess’ fiancé, Idris. But the glitter of the royal court belies a world of violence and fear. If Amani ever wishes to see her family again, she must play the princess to perfection...because one wrong move could lead to her death.

History of Magic → Read a book featuring witches and/or wizards

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by JK Rowling

Harry Potter's life is miserable. His parents are dead and he's stuck with his heartless relatives, who force him to live in a tiny closet under the stairs. But his fortune changes when he receives a letter that tells him the truth about himself: he's a wizard. A mysterious visitor rescues him from his relatives and takes him to his new home, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. After a lifetime of bottling up his magical powers, Harry finally feels like a normal kid. But even within the Wizarding community, he is special. He is the boy who lived: the only person to have ever survived a killing curse inflicted by the evil Lord Voldemort, who launched a brutal takeover of the Wizarding world, only to vanish after failing to kill Harry. Though Harry's first year at Hogwarts is the best of his life, not everything is perfect. There is a dangerous secret object hidden within the castle walls, and Harry believes it's his responsibility to prevent it from falling into evil hands. But doing so will bring him into contact with forces more terrifying than he ever could have imagined. Full of sympathetic characters, wildly imaginative situations, and countless exciting details, the first installment in the series assembles an unforgettable magical world and sets the stage for many high-stakes adventures to come.

Muggle Studies → Read a contemporary book.

Of Curses and Kisses by Sandhya Menon

Will the princess save the beast? For Princess Jaya Rao, nothing is more important than family. When the loathsome Emerson clan steps up their centuries-old feud to target Jaya’s little sister, nothing will keep Jaya from exacting her revenge. Then Jaya finds out she’ll be attending the same elite boarding school as Grey Emerson, and it feels like the opportunity of a lifetime. She knows what she must do: Make Grey fall in love with her and break his heart. But much to Jaya’s annoyance, Grey’s brooding demeanor and lupine blue eyes have drawn her in. There’s simply no way she and her sworn enemy could find their fairy-tale ending…right? His Lordship Grey Emerson is a misanthrope. Thanks to an ancient curse by a Rao matriarch, Grey knows he’s doomed once he turns eighteen. Sequestered away in the mountains at St. Rosetta’s International Academy, he’s lived an isolated existence—until Jaya Rao bursts into his life, but he can't shake the feeling that she’s hiding something. Something that might just have to do with the rose-shaped ruby pendant around her neck… As the stars conspire to keep them apart, Jaya and Grey grapple with questions of love, loyalty, and whether it’s possible to write your own happy ending.

Potions → Read a  book under 150 pages

Red As Blood And White As Bone by Theodora Goss

Red as Blood and White as Bone by Theodora Goss is a dark fantasy about a kitchen girl obsessed with fairy tales, who upon discovering a ragged woman outside the castle during a storm, takes her in--certain she’s a princess in disguise.

Transfiguration → Read a book or series that includes shapeshifting

Wild Magic by Tamora Pierce

Young Daine's knack with horses gets her a job helping the royal horsemistress drive a herd of ponies to Tortall. Soon it becomes clear that Daine's talent, as much as she struggles to hide it, is downright magical. Horses and other animals not only obey, but listen to her words. Daine, though, will have to learn to trust humans before she can come to terms with her powers, her past, and herself.

Like what I post? Follow me on: twitter | curiouscat | wordpress | goodreads

[zrw]

Letter 1.0.1

><

I'm writing this to you on Thanksgiving Day, it felt fitting despite us not celebrating it, so instead I will be wishing you a merry Christmas. A tad bit older photo added for depth, immersion and personalization while reading. None of it is scripted in any way, the idea is to make me emotional & it will all be written on the go. Make sure you read it all, and you will never hear from me again. Please do respect my terms also and do not under any circumstances share this letter or it's contents with anybody. Remember, only you will truly understand the context and true meaning of this letter. Quite likely it will change your whole perspective on me, but it won't matter anymore. If you think you're the bigger victim and believe you've had it worse than me & that you've suffered more and dealt with more... well, a bit of a free of charge reality check for you... you're dead wrong. I'm the one who is being tormented maniacally and brutally every other night, to the point where I simply don't know what's real and what's not. Scared of living life, kind of. It's clear to all I made a mistake last year. No weasely lies and fabrications in this letter, this is the Me you've longed to finally see. Anxiety through the roof, among other things/issues. I'm deeply sorry, Annie. Bless you & bless me, more importantly. Please tell me you forgive me. Do not dare to share any of the contents of this said letter with anybody, be a grown-up and act like one for once, you live all alone, now try and impress me, it's far too personal, a glimpse of me, and meant for you alone. Only you will understand the context of this letter. You're not exactly the golden carrot of the yield, but this one should be fairly easy to follow - Keep it to yourself, and stay quiet about this, I'm begging you. You're not legally obligated to do anything, this is your life and you make the rules, you're a good and kind gal, you're by no means a bloodthirsty vampire like some of them, and as I made very clear it wouldn't be fruitful & would shortly after turn into a proper clown fiesta, and possibly a meaningless waste of government resources. You wouldn't gain anything at all from this. I was going to say let me know if you need anything, and I'll gladly donate a fair sum to your PayPal, and it kind of made me realize that is something that would be morally and legally wrong of me to do, it wouldn't feel like a donation, it would almost feel like I'm trying to buy you and win you over, after causing this much pain to your heart, which I deeply regret. (I'll pay for your nsfw future cosplays maybe? Jkjk, leave that avenue to the twonks who'd actually find pleasure in doing that.) I don't donate much anyways online, if I'd donate it'd have to be an actual animal charity, I feel like when people think of charity they instantly think of like some Cancer Foundation or elderly/orphan fund, not that those are not fair causes, it's just that some dying/sick animals really need our support too, and they're just as worthy. After this i'm doing my own thing & staying away from you, promise. I'm a great citizen, mind my own business and never cause trouble. I just needed for my own sake to send something meaningful and pure your way. Everything that you will see here comes from the heart & I will do my best to be as honest as humanly possible. Whenever I begin working on these long 50,000 word essays I always tend to fear that I forget something crucial or run out of time, so let's hope it doesn't happen this time around. The writer usually spends 10 times the time and effort the reader does, so please do sit down, get comfy, and please read all of this letter. This is going on your SC and Tumblr & will be deleted once the timer on my stream deck reaches zero, you have a tendency to take photos and eventually show them to outsiders, this will ensure it's a one-off, and for your eyes only. It is mainly to apologize to you, among other things. To make you realize that in just 3 years time I'll be completely "reformed", as they say. If you must know "breaking the law" to say sorry could be considered as... noble, in most countries at least. Without a doubt in my mind they'd love for us to bury the hatchet and shake hands, but after this "letter" to you I am actually done with you altogether, and you'll not be hearing from me ever again... unless fate says otherwise. Do remember that this and me apologizing to you for being an awful male, this was mostly done so I can live, function and mentally function like a normal human being again, I will get to that later on in the letter, all you should know now is that it was more of a ME thing, and less of a YOU thing, if that makes sense. Needless to say I have 8 VPNs total with unlimited data running on all of my systems including 2 iPads, laptops, and even phones, to ensure that my IP is impossible to find and non-existent. Just a quick pitch, you could've used common sense to figure that one out yourself. Naturally somebody as wealthy as me would be untouchable, at least in the virtual world, where everything is simple and made easy. I am quite clever, yes, yes I am indeed. But I would not use it for evil deeds, deep inside I am a shockingly kind and nice guy. Oh, you were looking for a bad boy? We can talk, my dear, you know full well that I'd be/become anything for you. No candlelit dinners so I can compliment your cheekbones? You have kept your eyes open, and tonight your knowledge of me is getting greater and greater. You could write a book about us. It almost feels like deja-vu, I've been here studying and doing research on you, now I'm giving you the sheer opportunity to do the same. And 4 years after first talking to you online (in 2014), I, I touched your cat's black fluffy tail once, and catbug, she ran right away, it almost looked like she did a tiny leap forward before running. Yes, it was her 100%. I'm a shining star, just waiting to unlock my full potential, it will happen when the right time comes, you can never rush such things. My financial status would only indicate I have great things waiting for me and a brimming bright future ahead of me, should I play all my cards right, I do adore graveyards, but there is no reason at all why I should perish in the next 5-15 years. I can only hope that you're smart enough to not mention any of this to your mom, I realize you two are close, but being a grown-up means you know what to mention to somebody and what is better left unsaid. Wiser to let this one go and keep it to yourself, no need to waste government resources, and do understand that being fortunate and getting me potentially taken to a mental asylum for 3 weeks would not benefit you in the slightest, I've made it very clear that I don't associate myself with social outcasts, and we of course are done for good after this bit, so let's make it count. Being respectful is calling you a lady even though I full well know it's a girl in sheep's clothing I've been dealing with, hard to tame, always needs to have it her way, borderline blunt at times.. how come Annie the girl does not have a feminine soul, a bit odd, perhaps I do rest my case. You certainly are special, as your mom would say, she means you're not like the other girls. You're way different & not necessarily in a good way. Wanted you & Nora for the experience... Do find you both quite boring, even on the dating spectrum, she's the snappy one, you're the calm one. Will surely do better in the future. As far as I go... I'm your little ghost. I'm a spirit, roughly 500 years ago people like me were considered as and called witches, simply since we were ahead of our time. As you know there are good and bad spirits, I would stand somewhere in the middle as a classic inbetweener I've always been, casually swaying towards either or, but ultimately staying put in the middle. Some days I hate you, other days I love you... Yet here I am ending this "letter" to you with the words "I Love You", and perhaps "Muah" on top of that should I feel classy enough, as always, on the cheek, one final time. Do remember that I will always remain near you & overseer your doings, we don't need to interact, in fact it would be silly to think we can't co-exist in eachother's hearts. When you get the strange feeling that you can't find the explanation for, perhaps it's just me, and nothing more. It's been a sheer clown fiesta witnessing the names and things you've called me thus far. What's new, right? At the very least you don't take me for a joke anymore, which is wise of you, since I'm not. The casual 21st century term "stalker" simply insults me. Even somebody with as little intellect as you would know that stalkers are for years, spirits are for lifetime. I'm nothing less than a S-P-I-R-I-T, one with high capability & intellectual intelligence. I've never commented on your idiocy or your weird friends (90% of them are weird), I'm awfully passive and neutral. I've never insulted/talked-down-on the soyboys, e-slags, pre-mature losers, weebs, memers, or entitled punks you interact with every now and then. No point including the 16-21 year old boys and girls in that category, as I understand how these underage and barely of age children follow you, and you see yourself as their "mama" and friend, not strange in the slightest, not the harvest of living inside of a box for the majority of your life, when fantasy is taking over, sis. Those kids are the only community you have left... surely it would be cruel to let them off the hook, you can't let them go, some of them still see you as a role model! ~ I suppose you could say I'm on a whole different level, and people like me tend to not notice people who are "less". But good luck to them, perhaps some day they too will get themselves out of their holes and start moving towards things that actually matter. Speaking of which... God bless Great Britain if you actually end up scoring an actual decently paying job after all your studies. I would donate a fair few braincells to you... If I didn't have such a bright future ahead of me. In a universe where employers and companies actually did background checks on people before hiring, a silly bean like you would never score anything worthwhile. Personal assistant for a single individual would probably be your peak. Back to me... I am a millionaire, as you expected, seeing as how doors just open and close for me and my kind. I never worked even a day for what I have, but the people before me certainly did. Even more wealthy now in fact, as of last year, now that my professor and casual alcoholic of a grandpa is finally under ground, he was respected by many, but his lifestyle choices were hilariously fractured. See? We (are) similar, kind of. Ah, how I hate drinking and alcohol, I literally drink only twice a year and always feel guilty after, I hate people that consume alcohol in the spirit of the party at clubs or live concerts, and those who tend to constantly drown their sorrow and unhappiness into the bottle. I adore a good coffee and tea though. Living a promising life of luxury, hence the 3 years I will take to improve myself, improve my body to the maximum for the sex appeal and quality of life, get your name 'Annie' with a mini thorny rose underneath tattoo'd on my left arm, so I can take you to places and talk to you, enjoy your company & so I would never forget you (not that there is a chance in hell I'd actually ever do, of course, hahaha.), dye my hair pale/pastel color, purple in 2020, letting it heavily fade to soft pink, After that focus on the pastel spectrum of colors, re-do my driver's license, own a 40k car, but have not driven anything in 3-4 years, begin buying land and potentially own more land, farmhouses, households, countryside villas and mansions than some of the more wealthier businessmen in my area; as you can tell "owning" things & writing are two big passions of mine, the latter for expressing myself and influencing others, and so is real estate, country and marketing to an extent, legally change my first name to something sleek such as Jed, Jed Nei... or you know whatever else that feels unique and not-so-common; pick a powerful name that people will remember (and fear, jkjk), basically get my life on the line/on the rails and get a woman who will massage my strong pectorals with oil every Sunday morning only to ensure I will be more than ready to take on the next week. I adore romance, but still feel that death is the most romantic thing out there. Now of course she could cook for me just fine, but i'd actually really want to taste something you've cooked, as long as you do the cooking with just an apron on and absolutely nothing underneath. Oh Annie, unlocking your true potential would be a really easy task for me. You like cherry blossoms, I on the other hand like 400 year old oak trees. However our worlds could of collided & you could of been my sweetheart under the bright sun and moon. Currently own 2 countryside 2 floor homes and plenty of actual land around them, looking to expand in the future of course. Imagine leaving your silly big city life behind. Imagine laying there (on a hill) naked on the grass in the middle of the day, or relaxing in the bikini, depending how confident you are with your own body, and breast size, I also would not be totally satisfied if mine looked so "below average", but god does your bottom/bum make up for it. Loads of flowers that I can gather and give you, or put in your hair, plenty of forests nearby perfect for mushroom picking, hiking or picnics, loads of plants, fruit bushes, ponds, fruit trees, acorn trees ideal for climbing, farmland, greenhouse, ponds big enough for swimming, cyan blue skies large and wide enough for any balloon or kite you may want to play around with. Or if that’s not entirely your cup of tea then we can plan our big vacation to the Canary Islands in Spain, whatever you like, as long as you stay with me forever. You're a sweet creature and I'm certain we could of started something unique & exciting together, but that's all gone now, i'm still certain that I could of loved you right and shown you extreme passion, to go to bed with you and make you feel happy, loved & excited for the next day, our next day together in paradise. This is not a fantasy tale/dream, this could of potentially been our reality, assuming I would accomplish all my goals, and you willing to leave your current life for me. But why dwell on what could of been, I will never feed you fresh strawberries straight from the greenhouse, I will never "own" you, you will never be my girl, my companion, my life's purpose. I see now why I felt so heavily against friendship with you... being your friend considering the things I had planned for us, that would only lead to romance and love, that friendship would be over so quick you could not even call it one. Oh, and, I can be very sensual and passionate at times. And possibly start a IRL vlogging channel on Youtube in 3 years time, just to influence & motivate others and to portray my lifelong journey to greatness with the dozen obstacles I had to face and overcome along the way, making it all even more bittersweet, especially the main final goal, which if you can recall is to become the biggest standalone landowner/businessman in my area. Maybe you'll randomly stumble across the channel one day & wonder what could of been & what you missed out on, not only that but you'd also visually see the beautiful landscape and things I talked about earlier. Oh and I'll definitely purchase at least one or two more expensive cars, driving around with just one specific car all the time, obviously being somebody who clearly is able to afford another one, it feels kind of lame. P.S I've never ever actually been obsessed with you. You were just a girl I liked because of a few key factors/reasons. Plus we seemingly have dozens of things in common.And we have reached the part where I'll try and explain why writing this was needed for me, and my mentality; Are you a demon baby/girl? If not keep reading and don't even think about showing this letter to anybody else. If you are however... Come with me & with the assistance of our genitals let's try and produce a demon child. A bit NSFW, but we're 25 and nobody else is going to see this (Right? Good gal.), so I'd so-so-so take you raw on the floor in every single position imaginable, your front hole would naturally be so loose afterwards that no guy would want to or feel comfortable with doing it with you anymore. White stuff would go in both 'A' and 'V' holes several times to ensure pregnancy is triggered. Jeez, having and making a baby with you would be so unbelievably sexy. Anyways, back on the topic we go, so me and my issues I've been dealing it... I mentioned it at the start & will do it again... If you think you've been affected by this or you've had it worse/suffered more than me... Well think again. Ever since earlier this year I've had horrible anxiety, hearing unnatural beings and things talk to me and gradually hearing their voices around me. I don't think I'm losing my mind or going crazy, but this does all feel very real to me. Always closing my door at night, not even trying to, it just comes naturally to me to do it, much like a habit. I fell in a deep pit, and I'm so sorry to you, I really do apologize, my dear. My darling Annie. now my situation is being abused and i'm being taken advantage of by these demons/ghosts/shades, I'm now shaking for no reason, it's not even cold in here, it's awful. Psst, I'm not a monster. Imagine being too messed up mentally to go to the grocery store/supermarket alone & having to call your mom and tell her to bring you some food and supplies - telling her that the reason for it is that you have a massive headache right now & that you're unable to get out of bed. Yikes, that does sound bad. And to make it even worse, it has happened more than once. I feel like I need a 12-hour nap after sending this letter your way, feel a bit odd all of sudden, please read it all, it's a glimpse of me and my story and life. I can only hope that I will feel better and be able to go back to living my life like a normal human being now that I threw everything out there and apologized to you. I will leave you be now. It's a peek into my life essentially. I really do adore your tight little pale pink p*ssy, and Nora’s all the same, you gals are & stay important to me. Please do respect my terms and do not under any circumstances share this letter or it's contents with anybody. All the best to you and your family. I Love You. Muah. 💞

[intothelazarus]

this 1,631 word thing here is my novel. jk, jk, no but really its basically a novel. trying to cram all of sara’s life into one thing was very hard to do. i cut short and out lots of parts, believe it or not. it took me like three days to do this, lol. anyway, this is long overdue but here it is. this is my baby, sara. all of the details including laurel were worked out with megan, laurel’s mun and our amazing admin. thank you for all of your help. and thank you all for coming to my ted talk. enjoy the read, hehe. it’s a long one.

TW: Death & Violence

Biography

It was a snowy Christmas day in New York City and slightly older sister, Laurel, was not happy with her parents. They were supposed to be home opening presents, yet here they were in the hospital on Christmas morning welcoming their newest addition to the Lance family. Baby Sara was born to Quentin and Dinah Lance Christmas morning. Sara grew a happy kid. She played with her sister all the time (along with the occasional fight), attended dance classes and had this pet canary that her father bought her. Sara loved the bird but it drove everyone else crazy. The yellow canary was a part of their lives for quite a few years before Sara accidentally let it out of it’s cage and her sister’s cat ate her.

Sara never forgave Laurel for her canary’s death (although it was really Sara’s fault for letting the bird out anyway). This bitterness turned the young girl into a pretty rebellious teenager. Her trouble making ways often got her into tricky situations and often put her at odds with her father. She dated a lot of “bad boys”, much to her father’s chagrin, from whom she learned many things like how to hot-wire a car. Sara got into a lot of fights with her bullies, often with her sister’s help. The frequent occurrences of harassment created behavioral issues in Sara and caused her grades to drop, worrying her parents. This led to her father teaching both Sara and Laurel how to defend themselves.

The time she spent learning to fight with her father left an influential impact on Sara’s life. She went off to college and majored in Criminal Justice. She wanted to become a detective and although she spent most of her four years away partying, Sara managed to graduate on time. She returned home to celebrate her accomplishments with her family however, she was invited out on a boat trip with friends from college. She figured she’d have all the time in the world to be with her family so she didn’t think twice about saying yes to the trip.

Sara said goodbye to her family and headed off to celebrate with her friends. She was having one hell of a time but was somewhat nervous about the storm that developed. Her friends assured her they were fine so she shrugged it off. Out of nowhere, the yacht sank and Sara was pulled under, causing some of her friends who survived to believe that she had drowned. However, Sara managed to swim to the surface on the other side of the wreck and was marooned on a piece of the ship for days.

A few days after their boat sank, Sara was found by a ship called the Amazo, who took her on board but they imprisoned her in a cell. Days later, the crew dragged Sara out of her cell and were going to take her away, but were stopped by a grey haired man who took Sara to his quarters instead. This man introduced himself as Dr. Anthony Ivo. He told Sara he was going to save the human race, and asked if she would join him. Anthony explained to Sara that he was looking for a serum created by the Japanese in World War II called Mirakuru (Japanese for Miracle) which could increase muscle strength, enhance senses and regenerate cells, but the submarine sank somewhere in the chain of islands nearby. For the next year, Anthony protected Sara from the cruelty of his men and taught her many skills in the fields of biology, chemistry and technology. After her near-death experience and her time spent with Dr. Ivo after being rescued by him, Sara became more apathetic and cold, more technology and science savvy. She assisted Anthony in torturing his prisoners, though only because she was secretly terrified she would be the next test subject. However, Sara still felt a sense of loyalty towards Anthony for saving her life, no matter how cruel he became.

Sara went with Dr. Anthony Ivo and the crew of the Amazo onto an island called Lian Yu via a plane in search of the ship wreck. However when they arrived on the island, Anthony became extremely violent killing his crew members and guards in search of the Mirakuru. Sara freaked when he turned on her but she managed to get one good punch in knocking him out long enough for her to escape. She ran giving herself as much distance as she could from Anthony and spent at least a year on Lian Yu trying to avoid being captured when she was found by a strange woman. Although strange, this woman was mesmerizing and Sara didn’t turn her down when she offered her protection and a roof over her head.

What Sara didn’t know was that this woman was part of this secret organization called the League of Assassins. Its purpose is to hunt down and kill people deemed a danger to society and the world at large. The woman took her to this city called Nanda Parbat where Sara trained with the League and became an assassin herself by swearing her allegiance to them. When Sara was told to “choose a new name”, she chose “Ta-er al-Sahfer” which is Arabic for canary, reminiscent of the canary her father got her when she was ten. Soon after she was recruited into the League of Assassins, Sara became a cold-hearted killer, assassin, and proficient warrior becoming more capable, headstrong and confident. At some point during her four years with the League she and the woman became lovers. Despite this, Sara never forgot about her family and still cared deeply for them, but became afraid to reveal the fact that she was alive, fearing that they’ll reject what she had become.

Six years later, Sara left the organization and returned to Starling City when she found out that her family was in danger. Under the vigilante moniker ‘the Canary’, a translation of her League name, she stayed to protect them, before she was forced to leave due to the League following her, trying to bring her back. She was eventually released from the League of Assassins by her lover. She came back to Starling City and revealed to her family that she was indeed alive. Her parents were so grateful to have her back home however, her sister Laurel felt probably the exact opposite. She was pissed at her sister and Laurel blamed Sara for everything that happened to their family over the past several years.

Although their relationship started off rocky, Laurel eventually came around. They spent a lot of time getting reacquainted with one another as well as sharing stories from the past six years. Both sisters had changed tremendously, especially Sara. She was more quiet and reserved than ever before, being haunted and burdened by her traumatic experiences and warrior lifestyle. Sara, not being able to give up all of her old ways, decided to continue as a vigilante in secret while working her way up the police force. She was promoted to Police Corporal and about a year and a half later, she was promoted to Lieutenant all while continuing her work as a vigilante.

One night, while out as the Canary, she came into another vigilante going after a guy that was causing a lot of havoc in the city. Sara figured why not jump in with an assist. Being the Canary, she felt totally at ease and had complete confidence in herself. That would leave Sara feeling a bit reckless and a little cocky to the point where she had gotten careless. She let herself get distracted, shot and killed in the process. Sara was buried in her once empty casket from several years ago when they were first led to believe that she was dead.

Almost a year after her death, Sara’s corpse was dug up by her sister and taken to Nanda Parbat. When Sara returned home from the island, she told Laurel many stories about her time there including ones about the Lazarus Pit. It’s a pool of regenerative waters that allowed the user to heal themselves of any wounds, or even prevent aging to a certain extent. Well, at least that’s what she was told. As it turns out, the rumors were true. As soon as Laurel had Sara resurrected using the pit, she went after everyone, but was restrained. Sara was, in short, a monster. Laurel contacted a magical friend of Sara’s who performed a ritual to restore Sara’s soul to her body. She was soon happily reunited with her family.

Even after Sara’s soul was restored, the side effects of the Lazarus Pit remained for a while. She became extremely aggressive and bloodthirsty to the point of being unstable and unpredictable. Sara was so horrified when she nearly beat someone to death that she almost quit her job as Police Lieutenant. When the effects finally started to wear off, Sara became far more humane, optimistic and moral, seemingly having become against killing her enemies in general. She then decided to continue as a vigilante but with a new identity. Thus the White Canary was born.

It’s been about a year and a half since Sara’s resurrection. She’s been promoted to Police Captain down at the precinct and still goes out at night as a vigilante. The details of her death are still a little fuzzy to her and even now, she doesn’t know that Laurel knows about her work as a vigilante. Sara is very outspoken and she knows how to have a great time, she’ll more than likely drink you under the table. Beneath her cold exterior, you’ll find a kind-hearted young lady who is very protective of her family and friends.

Little Tidbits

She loves to party and is usually upbeat.

She’s a dog person; she likes them dumb and loyal.

She loves horror movies and Halloween is one of her favorite holidays.

She started off as a vigilante originally called the ‘Canary’ as opposed to ‘White Canary’.

[raintherainywriter]

"Let her burn"

Year 1692, Salem (Boston)

Church had sentenced sentence to more than 200 people accused of witchcraft. But, still, the witch hunt wasn't finished yet.

A group of three teenagers was walking, into the night, in the forest, laughing and talking. Elizabeth, Mark and Hannah had gone for a walk during the execution of the three first witches in the square.

–Mark, are you sure we aren't lost? –Asked Hannah, rubbing her arms against herself, trying to conserve the body heat. The only light which illuminated their path was the moon's white cloak, which strangely shone alone in the sky.

–Hannah, I know this forest like the palm of my hand. Also, don't look at me! It was Elizabeth's idea to come here! –He said, moving away some branches so the girls could pass without any problem.

All the attention fell on Elizabeth, who smiled sideways, shrugging.

–I guess I just wanted to... –She started to explain, interrupted by a torn weeping of real pain that set her paralyzed there, completely rigid.

The weeping resonated through all the forest, like the echo of a soul in pain walking through the mortal plane during eternity.

–Another witch to the bonfire, I guess. –He mumbled, contributing to the awkward silence that suddenly reigned in the dark forest. Nobody moved during a few minutes.

–Which are the sentences? –Hannah asked, with a weak voice, joining them. The small branches crunched under their feet, next to the leaves that left the tree.

–They say there are four: one for each element. –Elizabeth mumbled, with an inexpressive voice. –The bonfire symbolizes fire, the river one for water, the fallow for wind... –She kept in silence for a moment. –And stoned for earth.

Beyond, they could see the end of the forest. People could be heard there where a coppery smoke was shinning.

–Why is there a punishment in the river? –Asked Mark, confused.

Elizabeth laughed, rude and shortly.

–They tie them to a chair and throw them to the river to let them drown. If they find their way out or they survive, they're witches; so they'll burn them or hang them. But if they die, they're normal people. –Mark and Hannah turned back and looked at her.

Only then, Elizabeth noticed they were looking at her, standing there.

–What is it?–She asked. –What's wrong?

Mark and Hannah shared a quick look between them.

–Elizabeth... Why would you want to go on a walk tonight, at the forest? It's cold out here, it's late... –Hannah started to say, with a scared voice.

–And it's witch night. –Mark interrupted her, with a strong and cold voice.

Elizabeth felt how her pulse was accelerating little by little; the sudden feeling of dizziness. The fear running through her veins.

–Guys... –Elizabeth mumbled trying to keep calmed.–Guys, come on... Don't you think I'm a...?

–Witch.

–What...?

–Witch! –He repeated. The hate growing in Elizabeth's friends young hearts while hers was breaking into thousand pieces. –Hurry! Here there's a witch!–He shouted, calling a group of men's attention.

Elizabeth, with tears in her eyes, ran back into the forest. Hearing steps running after her. Multiple voices exclamed "witch" with hate all the time. Meanwhile, she was running, not knowing where, through the forest's darkness.

She ran during almost an hour, avoiding rocks people were throwing at her. Her legs were tired and hurt, and she was feeling dizzy. Starting to feel lost.

She arrived a clear where the moon was shining more. She knew she shouldn't stop running, but, on the other hand... She was too tired.

Done, she got on her knees; grass scratching her legs. She closed her eyes and took a breathe.

Steps and voices were more clear each time. She started to pray:

–Father and mother, who gave me the gift of being able to practice nature's power. –Some villagers were arriving. –Who guided my steps in the darkness and gave me peace when fear was waiting for me in the shadows...

A circle surrounded her, who was crying in silence while she mumbled her prayer.

–Let her burn! –Someone exclaimed.

–To the river, send the witch to the river! –Others shouted with anger.

Mark took a step forward and looked with hate to Elizabeth. She looked up at him, her cheeks riddled with tears.

–To the gallows. –He said, with the coldest and most cruel voice Elizabeth ever heard. There wasn't a whit of care, empath or mere reminder of the friendship there was between them hours before.

Elizabeth shaked her head, scared, clinging to Mark's legs while she begged him to remember all those years lf friendship and begged him for mercy.

Mark, ignoring her pleas, grabbed Elizabeth by her hair and pulled her up. She screamed in pain, grabbing Mark's hand, trying to take it off her. But he was too strong.

–Women like you; Satan's worshipers, liars and disgusting, deserve the bonfire. The slowest and most agonizing death ever known. –Mark said, looking with hate to the scared Elizabeth. –I would enjoy hanging your disgusting body from a tree. From this tree, where your sinful friends did, –Elizabeth looked up and saw, for the very first time, the huge tree whose branche over them were lurking. Six bodies were hanging in there, like weightless ghosts; sentenced to wander through the mortal plane forever. –but I wouldn't be able to listen your scrwams of pain if I did... And that's something that I don't want to miss.–A sharky smile was slowly sewing on his terrifying face, Mark turned arround and watched his angry fellows. –I have too much ideas, guys, –he joked–what should we do?

Elizabeth looked up to Mark's cold eyes.

–Mark, for our friendship's sake, please... –She tried to say.

–I'm not friends with witches. –He said, interrupting her.

Elizabeth's heart broke into pieces.

–Mark–she tried again–by the friendship we used to have shake... –She corrected –please... I beg you; I'm begging you for mercy... Mark...–She whispered, about to cry again.

–Mark, –Someone called him. –Let's tie her up to the tree and let her burn with the others. –He offered.

Mark went quiet for a moment, thinking. Closely watched by Elizabeth.

–Tie her up. –He ordered.

He threw her to the ground while he joined two men with torches. He grabbed a this but short branch and they lit it.

A young marriage grabbed the young Elizabeth and, grabbed by her arms, they took them next to the tree. Meanwhile, she screamed, cried and begged all over again, trying her best to ask for help.

Ignoring her, they tied her up tightly and put branches and leaves around her, creating a base for the fire. Elizabeth, who gave up her hopes and prayers, looked one last time to her neighbors. She looked with anger and hate to her judges and executioners.

–You, my neighbours, angry villagers who punish a woman for not following your path. You, the neighborhood I was raised in, the one who's now about to kill an innocent. You, mothers and fathers; you lies carriers. –Her voice, far from broken, announced inexpressively her veredict:–You, the ones who'll rest between shadows, and in the shadows you'll find your biggest fears... I curse you!!–She exclaimed, winning her ambicious and bloodthirsty public's surprise. –And so I curse this land, bathed in my sisters' blood! Listen closely my advice, and be aware... Because ten years after my death, we will raise again from the death and come back to this land to get revenge! We'll kill your sons, daughters and we'll punish your old bodies... Pray... PRAY!! to your loved God, because we'll get revenge and either he will be able to save you.

They threw the torches down to the branches, starting the bonfire, which quickly started to burn and grow up in towers of flames. Red, orange and a bright yellow lightened the dark night.

Elizabeth cired. The most painful, torn and agonic weeping they ever heard. Her organs were burning with the power of ten hells, and she felt her skin melting under the flames. Fire licking her bones and her soul quietly leaving her body while she was using her last breathe to scream.

She screamed until her throat bleed, until her voice disappeared in the painful sound of her body burning into ashes.

She screamed. She screamed that loudly, that she woke up the wolfs, who howled sadly to the moon, knowing an innocent was being murdered. She screamed that loudly; that painfully, that even her murderers kept the memory of her torn weeping deep inside their fears. And, since that night, Elizabeth lived in everyone's fears, counting the days until she could come back.

[michelemoore]

Takhuk

October 29, 2019

Michele Moore Veldhoen

Are we Living in a 21st Century Version of Wonderland?

Our recent election triggered in my mind thoughts of Lewis Carroll’s nonsensical Wonderland. Did you ever read Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland? Not until I was an adult reading them aloud to my kids did I experience my first (and, now that I think of it, only) reading of nonsense literature. The book was a surprise. I had been under the misconception that Alice’s adventures would annoy me. I was too serious of a reader then to consider nonsense worthwhile.  As I discovered, Carroll was not just writing to entertain children. He was also using nonsense to satirize British Victorian society’s strict and prudish rules of etiquette, which, apparently, were in glaring contradiction to the way the English had behaved for centuries before that era unfolded. Here’s what Wikipedia says about Victorian morality:

“Between 1780 and 1850 the English ceased to be one of the most aggressive, brutal, rowdy, outspoken, riotous, cruel and bloodthirsty nations in the world and became one of the most inhibited, polite, orderly, tender-minded, prudish and hypocritical. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victorian_morality

I suppose Carroll, as a writer, was quite drunk with the fodder offered by a society that evolved in just a few decades from being outspoken and rowdy to prudish and polite. Since he lived throughout the era, he likely watched in horror as men had to be more and more circumspect in their manners around women, whose crinolines grew wider by the month. As for children, well, they were best seen but not heard.

If Carroll was alive today, he might suffer writer’s block. There’s just too much fodder for words.

We see it all these days, aggressive, cruel, bloodthirsty right alongside tender-minded and orderly.

While Carroll’s Wonderland skewers politicians, royalty and adults in general, it is first, a book of entertaining nonsense for children.

But I do feel Carroll was also contemplating some sobering ideas. This may be why his book came to mind this past week.

A quick refresher - Alice is an adventurous girl who flings caution aside and follows a rabbit down a rabbit hole to indulge her curiosity. She wanders through Wonderland, meeting a fantastical array of talking creatures, rabbits, cats, lizards, birds, mice, ducks and dogs, with whom she has absurd or nonsensical and therefore frustrating conversations. But Alice is not afraid to argue with these adult sounding creatures, a fact which no doubt gave young Victorian readers great satisfaction. She was also not afraid to simply blow off the worst of these characters and carry on with her adventures through Wonderland.

Carroll was making a hero of Alice but was he also saying to his readers not everything in this world makes sense, adults least of all, and trying to make it so is futile.

Nor is Alice afraid when she meets sinister characters such as the Queen of Hearts who orders Alice’s beheading on every other page. During the trial of the Knave of Hearts, Alice stands up to the Queen’s insanity, defending the Knave fearlessly. She survives the episode, head intact.

Was Carroll telling children to speak truth to power? Was he saying: Queens and those with authority are mad and dangerous, you must speak up?

Like many of us in Canada, I have been thinking lately about the world’s current state of political turmoil. The wacky disorientating world Alice experienced seems a good analogy. The general sense of total, utter, nonsense that imbues Carroll’s 19th century Wonderland is a fair comparison to today’s incomprehensible state of affairs. Hookah smoking, mushroom munching caterpillars and all.

Like that stoned caterpillar Alice could not understand, today’s politicians of every stripe around the world talk nonsense, evade questions and generally talk in circles. Worse, some, even here at home, break the law, neglect to mention the facts, spread lies, scorn the poor, scorn entire populations, scorn scientists and journalists, scorn anyone that does not agree with them. The contortions and rages some of them get themselves into is a sight to behold and makes me sometimes want to send them relief in the form of a good long dunk in a cold mountain lake.

Of course, in the records of organized human society, there is nothing new about any of this behavior. Power corrupts us and has been corrupting us from the first opportunity. What is new for us, or at least me, is the breakdown of so many governments that were built over decades and in some cases centuries to guard against such corruption. We have had the luck now and again to enjoy the rise of truly good leaders – many at the community level, some at the highest levels, who recognized the danger of concentrated power and created institutions and organizations to limit it in the hands of government.  Because history has proven over and over that corrupted leaders produce in society intolerance, extremism, violence, and war.

These days, attempts are being made by many corrupted politicians and others to dismantle or discredit the institutional structures upon which much of the peace and prosperity of the world has been built. These are the ones I would dunk in a nice frigid Rocky Mountain alpine lake.

In Alice’s Adventures, there is no plot. No purpose. No goal or endgame. There is only a series of increasingly bizarre interactions and conversations that culminate in Alice’s final exchange with the Queen of Hearts who, when she shouts “off with her (Alice’s) head”, causes Alice to lose her temper and take a swipe at the Queen. Suddenly, the Queen and all her court are just a pack of cards, which moments later become leaves Alice’s sister brushes away from her face in order to wake her from her dream.

Are we all dreaming today’s Wonderland? When will we wake up? What is our endgame, our purpose, our goal? Is it not what we have all believed throughout our lives, to create and live in peace and mutual prosperity?

Is it true that

not everything in this world makes sense and trying to make it so is futile.

Oh yes, there is definitely futility in trying to explain everything we do. But do we not hear around the world too many excuses for intolerance and greed masquerading as necessary action or inaction? Does it make sense, for example, to fuel war on a continent (Africa, for example, where war materials are sold by almost every country you can think of including Canada), only to then have the millions who run from the devastation come to the gates of those same countries in need of refuge?  

Do we agree that

often, adults are mad, and we must stand up in the face of their madness to defend the innocent.

Yes, adults with unbridled power and money do indeed go mad. For many of us, just a little too much can do us in. I learned that in 1984 in Reno, Nevada. I have not gone near a slot machine since!

Real madness though, leads to serious nonsense, to the seriously absurd. It leads to those fleeing war and violence being branded criminals instead of victims. It leads us over cliffs. Down rabbit holes.

Despite the disorienting and disturbing nature of today’s politics, I do believe that sensible heads will prevail here in Canada and elsewhere.  The extreme absurdity that this world wide epic struggle for power is producing will, one day, be remembered, not as a dream like Alice’s, more likely a nightmare. But even nightmares come to an end. We do know how to climb out of rabbit holes.

Let’s go out from this weighty blog with something light, shall we?

First, from Will Rogers:

"Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke."

Next, from Tom Blair:

Politicians are like diapers. They both need to be changed often. And for the same reason.

And, from John Lennon:

If someone thinks that love and peace is a cliché that must have been left behind in the Sixties, that’s his problem. Love and peace are eternal.

So, friends, Love. Peace. Have a beautiful day in Wonderland.

[liliumtigrinum]

Hi everyone! I’m Sarah and I’m a twenty year old film student (although I’m taking this semester off). My timezone is PST, but I tend to be around quite a lot, so hopefully we’ll still catch each other if we’re in completely opposite timezones! There’s a bunch of information about Lily Luna under the read more! It’s a lot more than you’ll ever want to know tbh, but I’m really excited, and I can’t wait to rp with you all! Just like this if you want me to message you for plots.

Lily is known for her liveliness and her energy. The girl can’t stand being bored, and sitting around doing nothing frustrates her more than anything. Most of the Gryffindors view her as fun, but her idea of fun doesn’t align with everyone. She likes excitement and adventure. She’d take a swim in the lake when it’s freezing cold outside; she’d drink until she’s completely wasted; she’d set off fireworks in the Great Hall with her friends; she’d even explore the Forbidden Forest at night if she’s bored enough.

She’s also known for her quick wit and sense of humor, always ready with a comeback. Her favorite teachers call her cheeky, while her least favorite call her a troublemaker. She’ll mouth off to anyone, consequences be damned, and it’s earned her a fair amount of detention sentences over the years. She just can’t help it but sass most of the time. It’s almost a defense mechanism, a way for Lily to deflect.

Lily knows how to lie, and admittedly, she’s very often dishonest. But she knows how to persuade. She speaks with conviction, her voice unwavering as she spins her webs, a stellar actress. She’s not pathological, but there’s a lot she likes to keep to herself. A lot of weakness and vulnerability that she doesn’t like to share with just anyone. At times, Lily is so talented at lying that she is capable of deluding herself, burying some things that she doesn’t care to admit so far in the cobwebs of her mind that the denial becomes subconscious.

She has the heart of a lion. Fierce, bold, and strong, Lily’s the type of person you’d want beside you in a time of crisis. She’s a textbook Gryffindor, ready for a fight and nearly impossible to scare. The girl could be considered too brave; her unwavering courageousness could easily get her killed someday. Things that should terrify any sane person, such as bloodthirsty death eaters or Hungarian Horntails, never scare her. Lily is recklessly dauntless, and she’s proud of it. There is nothing she values about herself more than her bravery. If you want Lily to go berserk, all you have to do is call her a coward.

Lily isn’t afraid to say what she thinks or stand up to people. She’s blunt and outspoken–sometimes harsh–always feeling the need to express her opinion. To make matters worse, she’s very argumentative and steadfast on her beliefs; she could debate for hours about something. In fact, Lily actually enjoys arguing and debate, sometimes even picking fights with blood elitists and Slytherins merely due to boredom, provoking them for no reason other than craving combat. Incredibly hot-tempered, she’s usually fighting with someone about one thing or another and isn’t afraid to resort to violence if her point isn’t coming across.

There is a softer, kinder side to Lily behind all her bravado though. She isn’t exactly nice, but she is caring and selfless. And she isn’t inherently cruel. She’d never hurt someone on purpose unless they didn’t absolutely deserve it in her opinion ( though she’s been wrong before on so many occasions ). She’s passionate, loyal, and protective about the things and people that she loves. She would sacrifice her life for someone she cares about in a heartbeat. She has a weakness for heroics, feeling a need to save people and fix everything, carrying the world on her shoulders. This is, of course, unreasonable, but she believes she has to be that way because of the family she comes from. From day one, she has had expectations placed on her because she’s a Potter, and rather than fight them, she feels the need to live up to them. She feels as if the world is expecting her to be a hero because her family is so respected and moral. These expectations and complexes of hers are what drives Lily.

She is a perfectionist. Lily is constantly pushing herself past her limits and often tries to do far more than what she is capable of. Lily refuses to stop and rest, and she’ll continue to refuse until the day she dies. She stays up too late to maintain her near-perfect grades. She practices for Quidditch nearly every morning. She pours over her DADA textbooks for hours on end so that she’ll win every duel in Dueling Club. Lily is competitive and feels the need to be the best because her insecurities cause her to worry that she isn’t good enough, that she’ll never be good enough. It’s self-induced pressure–no one places unrealistic expectations on the girl but herself. In actuality, people may expect Lily to be brave and heroic like her parents, but no one expects her to be the best at everything, and she puts most of the pressure on herself due to her own insecurities. It’s only Lily who thinks she isn’t good enough, and one of her biggest flaws is her tendency to compare herself to other people rather than seeing herself as her own person. People who are better than her are often met with green, envy rattling in her core, as much as she tries to ignore it.

Even though she appears completely fearless to most, Lily is actually only almost devoid of fear, not that she would ever admit she was anything less than dauntless. She rarely ever speaks of emotions of fear in front of other people, pretending that nothing fazes her. She doesn’t want anyone to know that she can be scared or weak sometimes. She’s a Gryffindor and a Potter, so as far as she’s concerned, she’s not allowed to be. Lily is expected to be strong and fearless, just like her parents, so that’s what she claims to be whereas, in reality, she can be afraid just like any other person; she’s just good at hiding things. The thought of losing people she cares about absolutely terrifies her, especially with the war. Along with that, she has always felt pressure to be great; Lily has spent her whole life worrying whether or not she’s good enough due to her family’s achievements. Just like her father, she’s always felt the need to be a HERO. Although she helps lead Dumbledore’s Army, she is constantly worrying whether she is doing enough.

It’s frightening, really, how much little regard she has for her own life. Her self worth is nonexistent in the scheme of things. She’ll fight nail and tooth to live but only because she wants to be there to protect her loved ones; she sees her life as second to theirs. If she thought she could help bring about the end of the war by dying, if there was even the slightest possibility of saving those she views as good, Lily would do it in an instant. Without thinking. Because Lily truly believes that her loved ones would get over it, maybe not at first but eventually. And she’s okay with that. She’d want them to move on with their loves, to stop mourning her and find happiness. For Lily, there is no better way to go than to go down fighting. To go down while defending her loved ones and her beliefs.

But if she lives through the war, Lily plans on becoming an Auror, just like her father. It’s just what she’s always wanted to do. Again, the girl has a hero complex. And her ambition is great–she wants to be the youngest Auror ever accepted into their department and one day make her way up to Head Auror. Lily believes her true calling in life is on the battlefield, protecting the innocent and bringing justice to the world.

Lily is a control freak–bossy, domineering, and assertive. Losing control is her greatest fear, so she’d never let anyone get the best of her. Lily always needs to do something because that’s how she finds control in her own destiny. It always takes time to earn her trust because she fears betrayal and manipulating, causing her to be naturally suspicious of others’ intentions. She’ll fight like hell when others get in the way of her plans; her fear of losing control doesn’t allow her to adapt to change easily. Oddly enough, even though she’s been surrounded by love her entire life, she’s even afraid of falling in love for those very reasons. The thought of falling for someone who may or may not love her back, allowing herself to be that vulnerable in front of someone, has always scared her more than she would care to admit. Lily needs to feel safe, and being in love with someone who could break your heart is something only fools would do in her opinion.

Lily won’t admit to sadness or heartache either, not wanting others to think less of her. Through sheer willpower alone, the girl has not cried since she was six though there have been moments where she wished she could allow herself to. But ironically, even though she hides her emotions the majority of the time, she is consumed by them. They control and drive her, often even to the point of recklessness. Logic falls on deaf ears to this girl, making her much more likely to make mistakes and get into trouble. She has a good brain on her shoulders and should know better than to act without thinking, but she doesn’t. Lily’s impulsive, reckless, and impetuous, mostly relying on pure instinct. And she’s as stubborn as a mule as well. It’s very hard to convince her not to do something once her mind is set. And bare nerves, stubbornness, and recklessness is a dangerous combination–a mixture not usually found in those who like to live long lives. Lily is aware of how foolish she can be, but she just doesn’t care. As far as she’s concerned, if something’s the right thing to do, it’s the right thing to do, regardless of the possible consequences.

But here’s the problem: she’s so often wrong. Her black-and-white and self-righteous beliefs are so instilled in her that she can’t see the bigger picture. She can’t recognize that the population isn’t capable of being sorted in categories of good and evil. She doesn’t see shades of grey, judging others by their actions and beliefs regardless of the circumstances. Death Eaters are not seen by Lily as people–only monsters incapable of human emotion. She hates them all so intensely that she is blind to the fact that expectations are placed on those from traditionalist families too. And most of all, she doesn’t realize that the other side is just as capable of loving others to the point of consumption as she is.

[allegivnce-blog]

@warparadox

                                ❛         Sloane,         ❜        murmured Callie in response, a soft smile working its way across her features. Despite her youth, there was a certain maturity to her expression, a gentillesse of sorts which seemed to only deepen with experience      ----     Indeed, she’d developed more over the last two years than she had her entire life. And it was all those lessons, the horrors she’d witnessed, the things she’d seen and DONE to fix them, to save her fellow soldiers;; she had to live with the constant guilt of her efforts sometimes never having been enough. People died in her arms, under her observation. War was cruel and discriminated not from the guilty and the innocent. Everyone fell prey to its harshness, and the reaper of death would always remain to be a bloodthirsty vampire who stole the lives of whomever he could.

                                But ever since arriving in Bucharest, Calista learned that sometimes war could take many forms, and they weren’t all as obvious and gory. Sometimes the fight was mental, a clash of will and brain, and other times, too, brawn mixed into the concoction. Sometimes war was less about armies battling over resources or politics and MORE about the fight to simply live. It was something she witnessed here, more often than not, little pieces of the puzzle of the mess of this city that she’d kept to herself, stored in her mind, and refused to speak about to anyone. Often it was easy to keep her mouth to shut, but tonight was one of those cases when her concern took over. She had to forcibly bite her lip to keep from inquiring. She knew better than to do so, of course. So she busied herself with the disinfectant, wiping down all the cuts which now littered the other’s frame. 

                                ❛         Okay     ----         ❜        She reiterated it over and over again, ever smiling, a gentle hand raking through the girl’s tattered locks as she hummed softly, reassuringly.         ❛         This may sting a little, but I know you’re strong, you’ll be just fine,        ❜         remarked she with natural sympathy.        ❛         Do you want me to put the television on  ?  Something to distract you, perhaps  ?  Otherwise you are free to ramble to me about anything you would like.         ❜        It would only get worse from here, Callie knew, because resetting the nose would be next, and that meant Sloane was really about to suffer.