#even worse i’ve also developed a FRIEND crush on him

[dont-look-at-me-u-u]

call this a crush the way i want to brutally crush these feelings into a billion tiny little pieces using a sledgehammer so they can disappear forever!

[staryuee]

WHAT THEY DO WHEN THEY’RE IN LOVE!

꒰warnings꒱ not proofread, dainsleif/pantalone may be ooc (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

⠀꒲ ` synopsis . . . just cute habits, actions etc that they do, whether intentionally or not, after being struck with cupid’s arrow.

⠀꒲ ` characters . . . jean, diluc, zhongli, xiao, nilou, xianyun, dehya, wanderer, arlecchino, pantalone, dainsleif

⠀꒲ ` notes . . . scrolling through the genshin tag makes me wanna die sometimes…i’m trying to do investigative work and i have to quickly scroll past the same smutty language like it’s booktok torture + also i’ve been playing baldurs gate 3 for the past several days and i think i’ve developed a problem…

G. JEAN — 琴

ʚ jean is very subtle in the way she loves someone, she doesn’t want to keep it secret per se, but her love is always almost adjacent to a puppy crush; something that seems fleeting but in the long run returns harder and hits oh so much worse.

ʚ she can’t necessarily abuse her powers, and she wouldn’t dare dream of messing up the order she so carefully has managed to maintain, so the way she tries to convey her feelings across isn’t too brash or loud.

ʚ simple things like letting her hands brush against yours when she passes you documents, allowing you to visit her office whenever you please even if it’s to just sprawl down at a nearby couch and read a book you found in the library while meandering, and even letting you join her on her daily walks across the courtyard.

ʚ during windblume festivals she won’t hesitate to strike up a seemingly harmless and friendly conversation, all the while sneaking a flower into your hair that resembles the feelings you stir up inside her fuzzy heart.

ʚ jean is overall quite an awkward person when it comes to anything related to romantic or plantoic ties, she’s a bit of a people pleaser in that way where she prefers to assume everyone’s a friend before an enemy… or in this case, “interested”.

ʚ with backup and sought guidance from her good friends lisa and kaeya, she’ll try a myriad of tactics to get you to notice her; a little shoulder massage there, a heartfelt sticky note placed on your workstation there, inviting you to classic candlelit dinners etc.

ʚ yes, believe me, she even tried the cartoonish “rose bit between teeth and uncomfortably arched side lean on a wall” approach before deciding it’s much better to listen to herself than the flamboyant duo.

R. DILUC — 迪卢克

ʚ diluc is the actual epitome of a gentleman. his love is so pure and genuine you can’t help but flower press every petal from the various bouquet he personally delivers to you on special occasions (anything from you completing a particularly hard or draining mission to doing something you thought you’d suck at).

ʚ his coat is also yours now. it’s like a six sense at this point to notice when you’re shivering out in the cold winds, and it’s become even more of a routine for him to simply shed that fluffy coat of his and drape it appropriately over your shoulders, trying to maintain a comfortable distance between you two as he adjusts it both to ease your tension and assure the pounding of his heart goes unheard.

ʚ diluc doesn’t enjoy using his riches to woo someone, it’s uncouth and just shows a desperation unbecoming of someone who dates to marry. if he wants to know you’re in it for the long haul, he’ll be much more sensitive and thoughtful when picking out gifts for you, each them have to hold some level of significance in your life.

ʚ the whole fiasco with his poor maids and some sneaky, perverse stalkers and diluc’s flaming great sword certainly applies to you as well; he’ll quietly ensure your safety in the night, helping you walk home with his arm hooked under yours, and in broad daylight he won’t hesitate to swing that polished wolf’s gravestone of his against any onlookers.

ʚ diluc is extremely closed off but deeply sentimental, he can so easily find himself rambling about his childhood stories to you; anything from how he used to collect seashells with kaeya to bring back to their dad, or how him and jean used to let baby barbara braid their hair together while babysitting…to things that are slightly more troublesome and heart wrenching to even mutter.

ʚ he may be less vocal than most in terms of feelings, but that doesn’t mean he won’t commit to it if he’s in love with someone. diluc isn’t the slightest bit dumb, he understand in order to get his feelings across he needs to do more than take random days off to spend time with you, he needs to at least hint it in a way that clearly gets his intentions across.

ʚ believe me, whenever you come by to dawn winery per notice, everyone raises a brow at you with curious smirks and gazes as diluc nearly stumbles on his words to get the phrase: “you look lovely tonight” out.

ZHONGLI — 钟离

ʚ he has up to thousands years of romantic customs under his belt, he understands the vague signs and ways to further communicate how much he adores you.

ʚ … that would be the case in its full if not for the fact for the first thousand couple years of his life he wasn’t busy maiming other gods and shedding blood. safe to say, his memories of mortal “courting” is slightly, if not absolutely, a massive, weaving and overlapping trail of various centuries and cultures he’s been accustomed to; anything ranging from the days when khaenri’ah was still in its prime to nowadays with newfound slang.

ʚ he’ll recite the most beautifully heartfelt and awfully sincere poem all the while you’re fighting your life in a haunted house (he’s heard this activity is helpful to get couples closer to one another, and given the fact you’re clinging on for dear life at the edge of his coat, he assumes he’s on the right track!)

ʚ he wants to impress you while also maintaining an air of genuineness to his actions, and while that does sometimes end in awkward situations where he ends up wearing regal attire to what’s supposed to be a casual dinner at wangmin, his heart remains completely pure in its endeavours.

ʚ oh, let’s not forget this man is quite literally a dragon too!

ʚ sometimes he can forget you don’t have the same complexion as him and will proudly present you some sort of glimmering relic from his hoard, forgetting that certain materials that existed back in the day were deadly and or toxic for mortals to touch let alone possess.

ʚ with a little nudge in the right direction, he’ll quickly learn everything there is to know for how to properly handle your precious heart. whatever you’d like, you may have — if it’s within his reach, that is. but it doesn’t mean he’ll stop at what’s available, no, just how much he’s willing to risk for you.

XIAO — 魈

ʚ he’s already embarrassed and awkward enough with accepting the fact he likes you, so accepting the fact that he loves you had left him with a lengthy exorcism spree down in some forgotten areas in liyue (it didn’t help).

ʚ in all honestly, not much changes; both because he’s rather emotionally constipated but also because he’s more than sure he’s loved you for longer than he seems to currently acknowledge.

ʚ letters that came only on special occasions like your birthday or his became much more frequent and a lot less poetic, it felt more like he was writing about his thoughts at the time, a little akin to how you’ve made him feel less constricted and much more free; he can finally have the courage to step out of his comfort zone.

ʚ all those small acts of love he used to subtly express (i.e gifting you two crystaflies, personally inviting you to come hang out, etc) he manages to double, he can’t have you thinking his intentions are the same as before. no, they’re much stronger now.

ʚ his guard softens around you regardless, but when you randomly fall asleep on his shoulder on your weekly visits at wangshu inn, instead of taking you to one of the rooms, he’ll sit there and allow you to rest, and if he’s assured you’re not awake to ridicule him, maybe, just maybe…he’ll sneakily loop his arm around your waist.

ʚ even just the thought of you makes him spiral into daydreaming, sitting atop a tree and swinging his leg back and forth carelessly as he stares up at the night to await for a new light, knowing full well the only sun he wants to see is you…just imagining his hands holding your waist like they did so long ago makes him shiver (hopefully this time he’ll get to do it when you’re not falling, and instead are falling for him)

NILOU — 妮露

ʚ nilou is basically a disney princess, if you see her singing to random birds that come watch her performances, everyone in the grand bazaar already knows it’s because you’ll be in the crowd that night.

ʚ each step within her routines are done with the little more passion, if that even is possible given her character, all because she imagines that pride and hopeful heart eyes in your eyes as all the attention is on her.

ʚ sometimes this fixation can lead to dumb mistakes on stage which bring her to sulking away with a hand on her forehead dabbing away at the sweat, but even the mention of your name as you pass by several sumeru streets is enough for her to brighten, do a quick wardrobe switch and run off to tackle you within her embrace.

ʚ nilou is not loud, but definitely not subtle. the exact representation of how she feels when you come to encourage her at her lowest (though those days are few). you’re there for her in ways you don’t imagine, and that alone is enough for her to daze away into the night as she cuddles her pillow, legs wrapped around it and all, and begins thinking about the what ifs of your relationship.

ʚ sometimes it’s a little comedic the way she speaks about you, it almost sounds like she’s reminiscing about a fictional book character with how much she takes pride in whatever little thing you do. no one tires of seeing her footsteps lightly tap against the ground in circles as she gushes about how when you complimented her the other day, you touched her cheek seemingly subconsciously ∩^ω^∩

XIANYUN — 闲云

ʚ she’s a little embarrassed at just how obvious she can be sometimes, it doesn’t help the fact her own children keep using this love of hers to their advantage.

ʚ she keeps nagging them about not taking care of themselves (she’s all too keen about their health and whereabouts now that she dwells alongside liyuean people) and yet just the mention of your name has her slightly stuttering in a ditzy trance as she hooks her glasses back up her nose bridge.

ʚ without hesitance, she’ll show you a photo album she has of all those close to her; would you like to see the drawing little ganyu made when she just barely had her horns? or perhaps the polearm young shenhe broke when she miscalculated her own strength in training?

ʚ her family is her pride and joy, it’s only natural for her to want you to be part of it even if it’s something as silly as raking through photos of a chubby ganyu eating the stem of a flower or teeny shenhe napping on a tree.

ʚ a peaceful life mingling with mortals has left her with ample time to enjoy the trivialities of life, and yet she finds her mind all too quickly wandering to you; had you been taking care of yourself? were you feeling lonely? did you need her to make something for you?

ʚ a secretive worry wart that quickly becomes that ancient adetpus she used to pride herself as soon as your delicate hands accidentally brush against hers; suddenly she’s perked up, chest heaven up high with a confident hand on her shoulder: you wouldn’t even think that flurry of pink hues gushing across her cheeks was real if not for the light providing evidence.

DEHYA — 迪希雅

ʚ oh she’s absolutely ecstatic!!

ʚ there’s genuinely nothing better than love in her eyes, especially just having the ability to love and trust someone fully when you haven’t been able to do so for a plethora of years.

ʚ doesn’t try to hide it, like at all, if anything she makes it rather obvious with the way she constantly pulls you closer as if you were already an item, arms constantly clinging onto you and your sides or her hands messing up your hair as you greet her.

ʚ she’ll take you anywhere you ask, free of charge of course (just promise to smile…and maybe if you’re up for it give her a kiss on the cheek, that’s sure to be enough reimbursement).

ʚ she’s already quite a confident and outwardly friendly person (if the price is right that is) but when in your presence? what’s wrong with just a little bit of showing off…

ʚ dehya needs you to see the best side of her!! maybe then you’ll finally give in and realise that her constantly asking for you to come join her on her travels and commissions isn’t brought out of mere timed coincidence

WANDERER — 流浪者

ʚ i saw that a few people were upset and confused by wanderer’s sudden switch up into being more kind/friendly, but i think we all forget what kind of person he was before his betrayals.

ʚ he loves wholeheartedly, if he adores something it consumes him in a warm pit of mushy domesticity — he doesn’t hate love or being kind, he hates the way it makes him vulnerable and the way it reminds him of the way he used to be.

ʚ that also means he’ll completely ignore you, or, try his best to rather.

ʚ wanderer knows within his heart that he completely years for you, just the accidental slip of his gaze meeting yours makes his brain go haywire, sending volts of electricity down his spine — you make him feel so alive.

ʚ it’s terrifying to return to a person you once were especially now with the knowledge of how being the way you were lead to some sort of tragedy, he’s managed to build up these walls so high and here you were, sneaking in through cracks he didn’t even know he had.

ʚ and he both loves it and hates it; loves the fact he can still feel, but hates how he’s so easily susceptible.

ʚ loving you turns into self-loathing and brooding, his feet pacing up and down every street at night to clear his muddled head. small distractions like taking strolls in meadows or sleeping up in the vines of trees lead to just thoughts of you and you alone.

ʚ wanderer refuses to be overly friendly and buddy-buddy with you even if he’s aware that if you decided to just one day hold him sincerely he’d burst into tears, but he can compromise with being less cutthroat.

ʚ “shut the fuck up” turns into him just rolling his eyes at you as you ramble (he soaks up any piece of information he can and locks it away), items you gift him now are more apparent in their value as he yells at those who dare question the dumb aranara pin you bought him and placed sneakily on his hat…oh and he gives you hat privileges.

ʚ it’s raining? …get close to him so you don’t begin complaining about the way the rain feels on your skin.

ARLECCHINO — 阿蕾奇诺

ʚ she starts treating you less like an asset in her “contact if in need of assistance” roster and more like a friend — of course, she maintains that distance between you two, but she lets you wriggle around in her heart to see if you manage to fit.

ʚ chances are, you will — unknowingly she’d grown to love you in ways that may have even gone unnoticed by her given how natural they were; inviting you to random gatherings when the whim arises, pulling your chair out for you when out for brunch, or even tucking away strands of hair and twirling it around playfully.

ʚ arlecchino’s love isn’t something immediate or expected, she’s a woman who keeps every card close to her chest and her children even closer, you have to prove to her that you’re worth it, in a way that doesn’t necessarily mean spilling blood but more so answers the question: do you care, and are you willing to accept her blinding love?

ʚ it’s like a shepherd dog with a lost lamb, but that little sheep is just you, and she’s a wolf in need of a muse.

ʚ cute tea parties aren’t uncommon with the two of you, she’ll happily let you indulge yourself in treats as she leans back with scorching tea in her hands while memorising every curve of your lips as you chew and swallow, she loves watching the way your eyes crinkle when you smile and the little sway from side to side you occasionally do as an expression of joy.

ʚ once arlecchino notices that she’s began treating you as another authority figure in the house of hearth, she’ll reach and collar you gently, intertwining her dark, cursed hand into your flowery one.

PANTALONE — 潘塔罗涅

ʚ one of the most attractive qualities a man can have is knowing when to shut the fuck up and to slide his card over during a dinner — both such things pantalone can do effortlessly, especially when it comes to you.

ʚ arlecchino claims that: “he allows his actions to be governed by the vengeance and hatred locked in the depths of his heart.” something that definitely translates into his love affairs in more than obsessive manners.

ʚ don’t be afraid of the massive hauls of clothing and sparkling jewellery galore that are being trudged in by multiple men, darling, it’s just a menial souvenir from his latest travels and newfound connections that he thought you might enjoy ^^

ʚ while his grandeur usually stems from his deep hearted desire to overthrow the imbalance between immortals and mortals, rest assured the luxury he provides you purely stems from his desire to make you his.

ʚ whether that entails you being his pet for him to seek comfort from on the occasion or a genuine connection where he can comfortably hold you at night purely depends on you.

ʚ oh, you’ll let him chew your ear off about his recent expedition and extravagant plan? consider your rent payed for the next few months and a few kisses on your cheek that certainly aren’t actually part of the snezhnayan custom (let him indulge in those little cravings or else he’ll undoubtedly be petty).

DAINSLEIF — 戴因斯雷布

ʚ has a breakdown.

ʚ a little dramatic, but honestly if his entire life wasn’t a disgusting mess already, you’ve come to make it worse. fate is deliberately mean to brooding blondes it seems, given the fact he’s now stuck pacing around back and forth on a trail of dead abyss mages as he rereads a letter you’ve sent him weeks ago.

ʚ everything you give to him, everything you say, do, write, whatever, he remembers implicitly. each word you say is engraved into him as if they were important artefacts regardless of how pointless and mundane.

ʚ it can honestly get a little…scary at times? you’ll mention liking something once and all of a sudden you find it within your possession at least a few weeks later.

ʚ dainsleif doesn’t have enough time to wallow in the glory of mushy, all consuming love despite desperately wanting to imagine how your hand would feel caressing down past each of his scars, but what he can do is protect you, and to him that’s a greater blessing than intimacy he knows will end eventually.

ʚ a big tough man who would honestly fold the moment you call him any variation of a pet name, specifically with the word “mine/my” at the beginning — hey, it’s nice knowing you mean something to someone the point they view you as inseparable.

ʚ the timings at which he comes to aid you are all too convenient and believe me he’ll try his best to downplay it as coincidence, all the while he’s breathing heavily both from the face your eyes are scanning his so closely and the fact he used up so much energy to merely make a portal to sneak into your space.

©STARYUEE do not copy, steal or repost ♡ ᴜsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ɪʜᴇᴀʀᴛɢᴀɴʏᴜ

[galactic-magick]

The Handsome Assistant: Viktor x Reader

Summary: You keep running into the handsome Dean's assistant, whom you find you have a lot in common with. You develop quite the crush, and things get a little messy when your friends find out about him.

Words: 3.2k

Warnings: some implied suggestive stuff, alcohol use

Author's Notes: Set before Season 1 Act 1. Just a warning, this is probably the most heavily self-indulgent of my Viktor fics so far. I’ve had ideas bouncing around my head for a long time about who I’d be if I lived in the Arcane universe, and I eventually just ended up taking inspiration from what I do in real life. So basically Reader works in human services and is similar to a social worker. I tried my best to write it in a way that makes sense even if you’re not familiar with that field.

Also, the roommate/friend characters are based on my besties irl, one of which is also my beloved tumblr mutual @ohboi , who has been dealing with my nonstop Viktor obsession for a long ass time now so shout-out to them lol. I wrote you living your dream in this fic as a way to apologize <3

-

It’s exhausting dealing with the powers of topside. There’s no sense of urgency here, no drive for real progress. You’ve attended meeting after meeting, maintaining composure every time they tell you your mission isn’t a priority, or that it will take decades to implement.

All you want is to help the struggling children in the Undercity. It’s what you’ve dedicated your life to, studying human services and psychology at the Academy and building your own grassroots group with a few others from your graduating class. You primarily advocate for better education, as the schools down there barely get any funding. The council doesn’t want to hear it, though, as it’s much easier to forget about the citizens below their feet.

It frustrates you beyond belief, especially since the first chunk of your life was spent in the Undercity. You lived the stark contrast between the two cities yourself, being granted countless more opportunities once your family moved to Piltover. It was sickening, and you felt so guilty with your new privileges when your friends back home still had none. But without those privileges, you wouldn’t have been able to attend the Academy and give back.

You resist the strong urge to scream after another failed proposal with the council. You prepared all of your points for weeks, fact-checking everything and making sure your ideas were plausible. The budget and statistics you wrote out projected exponential progress for both cities, as focusing on the new generation of Zaunites would encourage the next great minds and likely lead to collaboration on mutual issues. But of course, the council is not ready to contemplate such a future.

There was one factor that wasn’t usually there, though, a handsome young man sitting beside Professor Heimerdinger. He was furiously taking notes the entire meeting, looking back down at his journal anytime you made eye contact with him. Out of all the councilors, Heimerdinger seemed the most open to your ideas, but without a majority agreeing to cast a vote to actually change policy, nothing would happen.

You walk back down the long hallway, noticing someone in your peripheral vision.

“I’m sorry the council remains so stuck in their ways,” he says. “Trust me, I understand how hard it is to hold back your anger towards them.”

You turn your head, seeing the young man from earlier, “Who are you?”

“Viktor. I’m assistant to the Dean of the Academy,” he replies, leaning on a cane. “I quite liked your ideas. I think they could work.”

“I know they would work.”

You sigh, quickly realizing you’re projecting your feelings onto this stranger.

“Sorry,” you correct yourself. “I just don’t understand how they can just not care about the suffering down there. I’m from the Undercity, I’ve seen what’s happening there firsthand, and it’s only getting worse.”

Viktor’s eyes widen a bit, “I’m from the Undercity, too.”

“You’re from the Undercity and you’re the personal assistant to Heimerdinger?” you question, a bit shocked at the prospect.

“It’s really not that big of a deal, but yes.”

“What do you mean, not a big deal? I’ve never even met anyone else from the Undercity who got into the Academy.”

“I suppose we are a rare breed,” he says. “I imagine I never saw you there due to our differences in studies.”

“Most likely,” you shrug. “None of my classes were in the science halls, assuming that’s where you were.”

He smirks, “What makes you assume I studied science?”

“You just have that look about you.”

He laughs, “Well, you’re right. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised someone well-versed in analyzing humanity read me so quickly.”

“Don’t worry, you’re still mostly a mystery to me. I can’t read minds or anything,” you flash him a genuine smile.

There’s a beat of silence before he speaks again.

“I need to get back to my lab, but I do hope we cross paths again. I’ll certainly discuss your proposals more with Heimerdinger as well.”

“I’d appreciate that.”

He leaves in the opposite direction, his cane tapping the floor.

What an interesting twist of fate, meeting someone like you.

-

The second time you run into Viktor is at an Academy party a couple months later, something you both likely would’ve skipped if you could. It’s somewhat a recruiting event for new students, and several alumni were asked to represent their fields of study. It’s not that you mind talking with prospective students, but you know you’ll have to hold back a lot of your true opinions when doing so. If you go off about how the curriculum doesn’t cover enough about the issues in the Undercity, you’ll surely get a reprimand from your former professors. You could lose several connections and investors in your organization as well, something you’re not willing to risk. Instead, you keep a smile on your face, engaging in conversation politely and answering questions.

You notice Viktor sitting at one of the far tables, his eyes darting around the room. He has several contraptions set up, and occasionally people come up to ask him about them. He lights up when he speaks, his face making the cutest expressions.

You notice yourself staring, quickly turning your head towards something else.

That sconce on the wall looks nice, doesn’t it?

As the event slows down and the crowd shuffles out, you pack up your things and head to the door, glancing back at Viktor’s table for a moment. He’s looking right back at you, and your heels swivel promptly to go see him.

“Hey,” you say, shooting him a smile. “Nice to see you again.”

Shit, was he this handsome the first time you met him?

“You as well,” he nods, gathering up his own things scattered in front of him. “Did you find anyone to join your program?”

“A few, yeah. You?”

“Several. More than I expected.”

He huffs, soon realizing all of his tech and science displays were not going to fit in the one cart that was left.

“I can help you carry your stuff, the science wing isn’t that far from here, right?” you offer, shifting your things under one arm and grabbing some of his things with the other.

“You don’t have to do that,” he protests, but you’re already propping open the door and gesturing him to come along with a head tilt.

“I really don’t mind. Come on.”

You help him put things away in the different classrooms and offices, careful not to break anything. You’ve never been in this side of the school before, and it’s set up quite differently than the usual classrooms you were in. There’s much more going on than a usual lecture hall, tools and chemicals you don’t dare touch lining the perimeter. Viktor thanks you for your assistance as you finish getting everything in place, and you once again prepare to go your separate ways.

“Wait—” he says before you leave, pulling out his journal and flipping through it. “I wrote down a lot more notes that might be helpful for your project, I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”

He hands over the open page for you to read, and your jaw drops. It’s so detailed, every proposal you had broken down to its smallest pieces. He even laid out the budget and resource use and everything it would take to not only build and fund better schools in the Undercity, but also work on housing and overall infrastructure. He even has some theories scribbled on how to keep the air cleaner and fix problems with the fissures.

You can’t believe he’s been thinking about you and everything you said for all this time since you last met.

“Viktor, this is amazing.”

“I know it still may not convince the entire council, but I found your ideas quite inspiring. I hope my calculations can be informative.”

“They certainly are,” your fingers hover over the written words and numbers. “Thank you, Viktor.”

“Of course,” he grins. “I look forward to seeing what you accomplish.”

-

You find yourself running into him a lot more often after that, “accidentally” walking by each other’s offices at least once a week and talking long beyond what you probably should while working. Your soul feels so in tune with his, a phenomenon that surely shouldn’t be happening with someone you haven’t known very long.

Your conversations quickly progress to topics non-work related, his curiosity blooming with every little thing you share with him. Most days after work you simply can’t stop talking to each other, causing you to get home later and later until your roommates start to get nosy.

“I really have to go, Viktor,” you laugh, glancing at the clock that reads three whole hours past the end of your shift. You’ve been chatting about embarrassing Academy stories, reminiscing on both the stark similarities and differences between your experiences.

His eyebrows raise. “Shit, is it really that late?”

“Yeah,” you grab your bag with a sigh. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

-

“You already work too much overtime as it is! What’s so important that you have to stay late every single day?” one of your roommates, Eli, probes, clearly unsatisfied with the half-truth answers you’ve given so far. You don’t really want to tell the full truth just yet, that you’ve been talking with the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen, and you don’t experience the passage of time whatsoever when you’re around him. That would sound ridiculous, especially since absolutely nothing will ever come of it. He’s a wonderful colleague, but you’d be foolish to ever expect anything more.

“There’s just a lot to do,” you finally say.

“You need a break, that’s what you need to do,” they emphasize. “How about we go down to The Last Drop tomorrow night? It’s been a while since we’ve seen our friends down there.”

You nod, “Alright, I’ll try not to stay late tomorrow.”

“You better not.”

They glare at you jokingly, and you let out a laugh and exhale of relief.

-

You finish up your notes for the day, whipping your head back and forth to check if the coast is clear. You know yourself and your own weakness—you certainly won’t get out of here on time if you run into Viktor for even a second.

But of course, like clockwork, his familiar tap on your leg with his cane greets you moments later, your heart fluttering to a discomposing degree. Him coming to see you is a routine now, and despite your promise to your friends you are aching to talk to him. You haven’t had a proper night out in months, why is it so hard to just leave?

If any of your racing thoughts are visible on your features, Viktor certainly picked up on them.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, just...long day,” you reply. “But my roommates are taking me out tonight, maybe that will wake me back up.”

“I won’t keep you long, then—”

He’s cut off by Eli calling your name, jaw dropped as they come towards you down the hallway.

“I knew there was something you weren’t telling me!” they chuckle in disbelief. “Working late my ass.”

“I was literally on my way home!”

“I just wanted to come check!”

Your face grows hot. It isn’t abnormal for your roommates to visit you at your job every so often, bringing you important documents you forgot at home or bringing you a treat on your birthday, but under the current circumstances you’re a bit mortified.

They reach out their hand, “I’m Eli, Y/N’s roommate. Who do you think you are?”

“Viktor.” he shakes it, surprisingly not appearing phased by their directness.

“Interesting,” they look him up and down, then turn to you. “So, he’s coming with us, right?”

“Oh, um...I didn’t ask—“

Viktor can’t help but smile at your flustered face.

“If I’m invited, I wouldn’t mind joining.”

-

“I can’t believe you.”

Mumbling under your breath, you enter The Last Drop. Viktor told you he’d meet you there in about an hour, which thankfully gives you some time for some drinks to numb your nerves.

“Look, I honestly don’t know why you didn’t just tell us about him. He seems like a good one.”

“It’s not like that,” you correct them. “He’s not into me like that. We just work on some projects together, that’s all.”

You order a drink from Vander at the bar, gulping it down a little too quickly.

“That kinda night, eh?” he laughs, pouring you another one before you have to ask.

“Yeah.”

You have a few more drinks and shots with your roommates and old Undercity friends, your mind and body entering such a daze that you almost forget Viktor is meeting you there later. You play games together and get teased about some of your adopted topside ways, and you even get back at Eli by pushing them to talk to Sevika, who they ogle at quite literally every time you come to this bar with them. It’s the kind of night where you can be free and careless, temporarily leaving your problems behind in favor of bad decisions.

You have to do a double take when you finally see Viktor arrive. He’s changed out of his Academy uniform, now dressed much more casually and much more like a Zaunite.

“It seems I’m a little late to the fun,” he observes.

“We’re just starting!” you beam, the drunk giggles taking over you.

“How many have you had?”

“I don’t know, like 7 or 8 maybe,” you shrug.

He lifts his cane against you and steers you away from the bar, shaking his head, “I think you’re done for tonight.”

“Fine,” you roll your eyes. “But not because you told me to, because I don’t want to throw up.”

He stays close to you while you stumble back to your friends’ table, chuckling at the slurred introductions you give him. They all accept him into their games and conversations instantly, and you quickly find out Viktor can handle his liquor a lot better than you. He puts all of them to shame, and they love finally having decent competition.

Your friends all whisper their approval to you throughout the night, even though you’ve repeatedly reminded them that nothing is going on. Although, you’re not really helping your case by zoning out every few minutes on his face.

“You have pretty eyes,” you say, staring until you realize what you just said out loud.

“That’s very kind,” he responds hesitantly. “But I’m sure your vision is a bit...tainted.”

“Alcohol doesn’t change color perception, dumbass.” you retort. “Besides, I’m sobering up a little.”

“Well then,” he smiles. “Thank you.”

You sigh, taking a sip of some water and glancing around the room. The bar is close to closing, and most of your friends have left.

“Have you seen Eli recently? I haven’t seen them in a while.”

He snickers, “You didn’t see them go in the back with Sevika?”

“They what?” you jump out of your seat. “Oh they’d better tell me everything.”

“I’m sure they will,” he laughs. “Do you need someone to walk you home, then?”

“Probably. Who knows how long they’ll be.”

-

The buzz has worn off quite a bit now, so thankfully you’re not tripping all over nothing and further embarrassing yourself. Viktor’s beautiful glow in the moonlight is more than enough to accomplish that, your gazes prolonging far longer than they should.

“Thank you for coming tonight, it was fun,” you say, fumbling for your apartment key in your pocket. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that, though.”

“Don’t apologize. It was very amusing.”

“Good.” you exhale. “Just ignore anything weird I said, okay?”

“I’m not sure that’s possible,” he smirks. “Now get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

-

Sleep is certainly what you get, and the next morning before work is full of a head-pounding hangover and chaotic conversation. Your roommates Eli and Chanthou can’t stop laughing about everything that happened, and naturally you’re very nosy about the Sevika situation. Eli tells you every little detail of course, giddy and in disbelief that they managed to make-out with her all night.

“So? Are you guys going to get together again?” you ask on the edge of your seat.

“I hope so.”

“Looks like you both got what you wanted last night,” Chanthou adds.

“Guys, he just walked me home. That’s all.” You’re getting a little annoyed with the constant reminders that your little crush is not, in fact, reciprocated.

“You...don’t remember?” she looks at Eli, then cocks her head at you. “About halfway through the night you were all over him. We just assumed you guys finally confessed.”

You didn’t think you drank enough to blackout, but you definitely don’t remember whatever they’re talking about. Besides, if you really were doing that, why didn’t Viktor say something once you were sobered up?

And what, now you have to see him in the office today, having no idea what you said to him?

“Oh, fuck, guys. What exactly did I do?”

“I don’t know what happened after I went back with Sevika, but before I left you were sitting on his lap on the couch and playing with his hair—”

“WHAT?”

“Wow, you really don’t remember, do you?”

You groan, wishing you didn’t have to go in today. You have a couple important meetings though, so you’ll have to power through. You take some painkillers and grab your things, praying for the first time that you can get through the day without seeing Viktor.

-

Your headache refuses to lessen its throbbing for your entire shift, making the work you usually enjoy completely miserable. You snap at one too many co-workers and find yourself staring at the clock desperately. Why did you agree to drinking on a weeknight again?

Just as you dreaded, you run into Viktor outside, too obviously waiting for you to pretend to ignore him.

“Hey…” you avoid looking into his eyes. “How come you didn’t say anything about what really happened last night?”

“I...wasn’t sure you’d remember,” he confesses. “I suspected you blacked out when you said you didn’t remember seeing Eli leave. And I wasn’t sure you meant what you said anyway.”

“Please, Viktor. Just tell me what I said. All my roommates told me was I couldn’t stop touching you, which I am so sorry about—“

“N-No, don’t be. Everything was consensual, I assure you.” his face flushes. “You just told me you have feelings for me, that’s all. I was going to tell you last night too if you hadn’t said it first.”

Your eyes widen at his words, your heart threatening to leave your chest.

“But it seems you don’t remember, so I can still count this as making the first move, hmm?”

Shivers race down your spine as Viktor leans in, his fingertips grazing your cheek. His lips meet yours softly, your eyes fluttering shut as he presses deeper. His hand remains holding your face when he pulls away, scanning your expression for your reaction.

“I guess the feeling is mutual,” you chuckle, still a bit breathless.

“Quite so, darling.”

-

More Author's Notes: I have a bad habit of getting drunk around guys I like irl bc I literally can’t handle being around hot people sober so that's the inspiration for that situation lol. Also, a part 2 to this is already in the works, it'll be set during Act 1 and probably parts between 1 and 2.

[luckycapybara]

Hetalia USUK Feels

Hetalia for all its problematic portrayals esp towards South Korea and Eurocentric focus, is still very entertaining to watch and rewatch. I’ve been a fan since 2014, over a decade ago. Rewatching it again for the new year made me feel so nostalgic and it’s such a fun way to start the new year.

Rewatching it made me think about how I felt about USUK too. I remember when I first watched it, I was leaning towards FrUk, thinking oh, these two are the enemies to lovers trope. Though I didn't really care about any ships outside of AusHun and GerIta. For the first four seasons of Hetalia, I did not consider a romantic relationship between America and England. It wasn't until season 5 that I began to question the relationship between them. America prank calls England, and they have annual Halloween scares, and America is always trying to rile England up? That made me rewatch the previous seasons trying to understand their interactions and begin reading the manga. The manga made it 100x worse for me and my shipper brain. And then it was just been downhill from there, I'm now still a hardcore USUK shipper.

There's a certain longing between them that gets brought up here and there, masked under banter and competition. And America is always trying to get England's attention, and only exclusively from England. He visits other countries and forms relationships with them but his interactions with England alone seemed to be special because he seemed to be always seeking him out. He prank calls England every new year, has annual scare competitions with him on Halloween, and he seeks him out to dress up with him as Batman and Robin for Halloween and Himaruya specifically points out that their costumes are from different versions Batman and Robin, with the Robin that America chose for England being one that didn't have pants. America is not known for teasing any other country, and certainly not the kind to try to get other people to show skin, and this attention is reserved only for England. My question for Hima is why? Why develop America's relationship with England in this way? I can't see it as siblings or parents, there's no hecking way you would choose a costume specifically to show off skin for a family member and then tell them to show off their legs??? Maybe if they were sisters and if America was trying to find a bf for England but I don't get that sense at all.

Their feelings for each other are very complex and layered, and America definitely holds grudges against England as stated by Hima. But even so, he can't help but want England's attention, and doesn't seek it out like parental or sibling attention. He loves teasing him and I think his physical attraction to England was hinted at during the Hetaween event. And there was also that panel from the BSV strip showing that America wanted chocolate specifically from England. America has other friends, why doesn't he want chocolates from them? So I think that America probably has a crush on England, buried underneath all his other complex emotions towards him from both his toddler and colonial times. And I think America is indeed aware of his own romantic feelings but chooses to swallow them because he's still not over the Revolutionary War and he's still navigating how to interact positively with England post war. It's hard to say when those feelings for England developed but I headcanon that he's had them since his teenage colonial days but modern America is good at compartmentalizing his emotions so I imagine he must have been that way then too. For the sake of his people, he cannot let his feelings for England get in the way.

After the war, America is shown to have insomnia and wanted to see England after hearing he became sick. It absolutely haunts him how broken the relationship between them has become and how it affected England. England is also canonically heartbroken for over 100 years and although it's never revealed who, it's obvious who. England gets sick every year on America's birthday. I think America knows how fragile England is emotionally and how heavy his emotions are. So he avoids having to bring out those heavy emotions as much as he can now, by covering up his own.

As for England, I theorize that his feelings for America are a little less complicated. I don't think he necessarily has a crush on America, as he's shown to dream about little America from the time he treated him as his brother in WW2. He's a tsundere and he does love America and he longs for him but I don't think it's necessarily romantic. It's reminiscent of the love Yoojin has for Yoohyun in The S-Classes That I Raised, although those two are actually blood related brothers. But the point is, Yoojin's been very heartbroken because of Yoohyun before and to him, his brother is the most important person. That's how I see England's love towards America, although I think it is changing because England is starting to see America as more than his ex-brother because it's also hard for him to reconcile America's treatment of him as purely brotherly. Plus they're not real brothers.

I think it's hinted at that America has a crush on England. And it's delicious to see. Hima is surprisingly good at writing romance. He loves to incorporate angst and underlying romantic tension between characters and making readers wonder, will they/won't they? He hesitates to confirm anything but leaves out of place hints for couples that strongly imply romantic attraction that makes you wonder how deep these feelings run for the characters. He does this for GerIta, he does this for SuFin, he does this for AusHun, and he does this for USUK.

Happy New Year everyone!

[calicomarie11]

Evan and Tommy are sitting at the table in Evan’s loft, a couple of beers in front of them and relaxing now that the clean up from dinner is done.

“So, how’s Bobby handling retirement?” Tommy asks.

“Still fighting to come back, but he does start a temporary gig tomorrow.” Evan answers. “He’s going to be a technical advisor on Hotshots.”

Tommy looks impressed. “That’s a big deal. That show is huge.”

Evan shrugged, “I’ve never seen it.” 

“What do you mean, you’ve never watched Hotshots? How could you miss it. It’s been the hottest show on TV for the past 2 years.” Tommy’s voice is filled with incredulity as he stares at Evan. “We have viewing parties at Harbor, even the off shift crew comes in if they don’t need to sleep.”

Evan lifts a hand to rub the back of his neck and shrugs sheepishly. “I know it exists, I’ve seen the billboards, it’s just….” he trails off and looks towards the ceiling, his go to move when he’s being evasive. 

“What, did you sleep with the star during your Buck 1.0 days?” Tommy teases him.

“Not the star.” Buck takes a breath and fiddles with his beer bottle, tearing strips off the outside as he talks. “So, you are not the first TK that I’ve dated. I used to be off and on with Taylor Kelly.”

Tommy interrupts “The Taylor Kelly who wrote a tell all about the 118? That was your ex-girlfriend? What a bitch.”

“Yeah, well, we weren’t a good fit. Anyways, after she published the book it got picked up for development and Hotshots was the end result. I think she’s even working on the show as a consultant. I didn’t read her book and I’m not about to watch her show.” 

“I can’t believe I didn’t put that together.” Tommy sits back, a thoughtful look on his face. “So does that mean the characters on the show are based on the 118?” He cocks his head and studies Evan and then slaps his hand down on the table. “Holy shit, you’re Sandy.”

“Sandy?” Evan asks, his nose wrinkling adorably in confusion.

“Blaine “Sandy” Sanderson. He’s kind of the show’s punching bag. Last season an ambulance rolled over on top of him during an earthquake and crushed his arm.  This year the season opener had him trapped in a mudslide with his best friends kid.”

Evan takes a slow pull on his beer as he processes that. “Why do you think I’m Sandy?”

“Well, he gets hurt a lot, he’s a daredevil, he’s got a heart of gold, he’s a bit naive, and he always has a collection of fun facts that relate to the rescue at hand.”  

“And that’s what you think of me?” Evan asks with a frown.

“No, baby. But superficially it matches up.” Tommy reaches out to cover Evan’s hand with his own.

“Okay.” Even still looks put out, but a little intrigued. “So, what about the other characters?”

Tommy sits back and purses his lips. “Well, Bea is obviously a stand in for Hen, and Shaft must be Chimney.”

Evan interrupts “Shaft?”

“A nickname they never bother to explain.” 

Evan nods. “Yeah, we never did tell her how Chimney got his name. Who else?”

“Well, the captain’s name is Billy, but everyone calls him Cap and he’s married to a police detective named Artemis.” 

“And you’re just now putting this together?” Even quirks an eyebrow at Tommy.

Tommy holds up his hands in defense. “Hey, I wasn’t exactly expecting to see my old house on the hottest show on television. I started watching before I met you.” 

“So is that it? Me, Cap, ‘Thena, Hen and Chim?”

Tommy looks away and shifts in his seat. “There’s also Ricky.”

“Ricky?”

Tommy sighs. “Ricardo “Ricky” Noches. Air Force veteran, single dad to an autistic kid, and Sandy’s best friend.”

“She made Chris autistic?” The outrage is clear in Evan’s voice. “I know she didn’t spend much time with him, but that is supremely uncool.” Evan sinks back in his seat, a look of frustration on his face.

“There’s more.” Tommy says matter of factly.

Evan huffs. “Alright, lay it on me. How much worse can it get.”

Tommy hums and looks around the room, avoiding eye contact with Evan. “There’s a significant portion of the fan base for the show that “ships” Sandy and Ricky.”

“Ships?” Evan says, his face a mask of confusion.

“It means they think they should be in a romantic relationship. Their ship name is Randy.” Tommy says.

Evan sinks into his seat, his brow furrowed. “So, the people who watch this show, based on my life, think that I should be, what, dating Eddie?” 

Tommy holds his breath and nods. 

Evan stares at him for a long moment, a riot of expressions crossing his face, before he bursts out in laughter. It takes him a few minutes to get himself under control, the giggles rising each time he thinks he’s ready to speak. 

He finally wipes away the tears from his laughing jag. “That would be an epic disaster. Don’t get me wrong, I love him like a brother, but he has more trauma than me, and that’s saying something.” 

 Tommy lets out a breath of relief. “I’ll pass that on to Donato.”

“Lucy?” Evan shoots him a look of confusion.

“Oh, yeah, she’s a big Randy fan.  Spends way too much time on shift reading fan fiction.”

Evan lifts an eyebrow at him. “Do you think she knows?”

“That it’s based on people she knows?”

“Yeah.”

Tommy hmphs. “I’ll be sure to tell her.” 

Comments and Kudos AO3 are greatly appreciated

[jenonctcity]

[5:35pm]

Warnings: Angst

 “You don’t mean that…” The words fell from your lips softer than a feather hitting the ground. You couldn’t quite grasp onto the words that had just been said to you. No, not said, screamed. Shaking your head, you squeezed your watery eyes shut, liquid pooling in the waterline enough to make a small barely there tear roll down one of your hot cheeks. The words you just heard bounced around your head as you tried to make sense of them, of the meaning behind them. But you couldn’t quite conjure up an explanation for it. “Donghyuck,” You choked on your words before you could say anything else, opening your eyes and giving the broken man in front of you a sympathetic look. Gulping to try and clear the lump in your throat you continued on, “You can’t mean that.”

“Well I fucking do.” His own voice had lowered in volume, the defeat settling into his system as he looked at you with sad eyes. He wasn’t quite sure what he was expecting from you when he had screamed his confession of his feelings for you. Feelings that he knew he shouldn’t be feeling about his best-friend’s long-term girlfriend. Perhaps you would have given him a big loving smile and ran into his arms elated, claiming your love for him and you would both live happily ever after. But he knew he was stupid for that scenario to even creep into his mind. In a way he didn’t want that to even happen, not when Mark had been banging on about proposing to you for the past month. It had been like Donghyuck’s personal hell, having to listen to all the different ways Mark could think of to pop the big question to you. It made it even worse that he had been expected to help him in finding the perfect way for it to happen.

How you’d even gotten to this confession was a blur. It started with him coming over to drop off tickets for a basketball game, which then led to him stopping for a slice of the cake you’d made the day before, then came the topic of relationships. You’d quizzed him on the crush that you knew he had on someone, a crush that Mark liked to tease him about despite not knowing who the mystery lady was. You’d never have guessed that under the pressure of your questions he would crack and confess his love to you.

“Donghyuck-“You started but he cut you off.

“Don’t. I know.” He said and shook his head, not wanting to hear the rejection from you that he knew was coming. You sighed softly, your stomach filled with butterflies that felt like they were holding tiny daggers as you still tried to make sense of this situation. Had you somehow led him on? Given him the wrong idea? Why did he feel this way about you? Hundreds of questions crossed your mind that you wanted, needed answered for. “Forget about it.” He said snappily, shaking his head as he turned away from you, heading towards the door of the apartment that you shared with your boyfriend.

“Wait!” You called out, rushing to him and grabbing his arm to stop him from leaving.

“(Y/N) please…” His voice sounded like nothing you’d ever heard from the usually chipper man. You’d never heard his voice so filled with raw emotion and hurt before and it made your heart cry.

“Donghyuck, we need to talk about this, you can’t just leave after telling me that you love me and pretend that this never happened.” You said firmly, hoping that if you put your foot down with him then he would give you the answers that you needed. His eyes met yours, the dark irises swimming with guilt, shame, and longing. It had your head pounding and your chest hurting seeing him this way. Whilst he was Marks friend first, he was also yours. You’d spent so much time with him that it was inevitable that you and he would become friends. You just didn’t expect him to develop feelings other than strictly platonic.

“What’s there to talk about? I’m madly in love with my best-friend’s girlfriend and now I’ve made an absolute idiot out of myself by telling her! Just, forget it! Please!” The desperation in is voice was telling you that he was panicking about it all, which was understandable as you knew he thought you’d tell Mark. You had no intention of telling Mark though, not wanting to ruin their friendship over something that you could try and keep under wraps for as long as possible. He pulled his arm out of your grasp, which you hadn’t even realised you were still holding and you sighed to yourself as you watched him practically pull the door off its hinges in his haste to leave.

“Donghyuck!!” You called but it was too late. The door slamming echoed in your ears in the same way that his confession echoed in your head, leaving you with an empty feeling in your chest.

[gnabnahc317cb97]

Rub Down

Changbin x Thick Female Reader

Word count: 4.8K

Synopsis: When your masseuse cancels on you last minute and Felix isn't handy, Changbin, disreguarding his crush on you, offers up his massaging services.

Warnings: 18+ONLY MDNI! Cursing/strong language, oral (m&f receiving), deep throating (a little), clit slapping, cock slapping (face/clit a little), spanking, spit play (a little), both dom/both sub dynamic (they switch although Changbin is the more dominant between the two), multiple orgasms/overstimulation, cum eating/cum play/cum shot, unprotected piv sex (use condoms please!), breeding kink, mentions of pregnancy, cream pie, pet names (baby, princess, good girl/ Bin, Binnie, handsome, etc), I THINK that's everything but if I ever miss something please let me know and I will add it!

You were extremely thankful for your friends, but especially Seo Changbin. You had always been a bigger girl, even as a child. It was just your body type, your whole family was big, tall, stocky, chubby, so big surprise, you were too. You were very strong willed, also inherited from your family, and one of the many things you and Changbin had in common. Even being bigger, you were never very self-conscious about your body, everyone has an off day from time to time of course, but for the most part you loved your body. You were curvy and had a nice thick ass, big breasts, you thought your pooch was cute, but all that aside, recently you had made the decision to try and be a bit more active. You weren’t looking to lose weight, just tone a bit and have a little more energy. Who better to ask than your good friend Changbin, whose favorite past time was lifting heavy things for fun. It didn’t hurt that he was gorgeous, and you certainly wouldn’t mind him lifting your heavy ass for a little fun. 

Changbin had been harboring a teensy crush on you for a while, so when you asked to tag along with him to the gym a few times a week he jumped at the chance to spend more time with you. You developed a routine easily. You did well with routine. Every other day you met Changbin to workout and your last workout day of the week you went to the masseuse and work out any knots you might have developed throughout your week. It was your routine... every week... except this week. About an hour into your workout with Changbin you got a text from your masseuse saying that she wouldn’t be able to get you in due to a family emergency. You groaned out when you read it and flopped back on the weight bench you had been using, sulking. 

“What’s wrong?” Changbin walked over and saw you lying on your bench, your tight black shorts riding up slightly, more of your big silky thighs showing, your breasts were spilling from the top of your matching black sports bra. He spotted you when you grabbed the bar and started your last rep of bench presses. You grunted out as you pushed up. 

“Guuh, I can’t get my massage todayaaaah... my lady cancelled on meughhh...” You lifted the bar one last time then secured the weights on the rack again and sat up, sweat dripping down your temples. Changbin tried to be respectful. He tried not picture the things he would kill to do to you, but it was hard between your noises and the way you were glowing from your workout. You pulled at your shoulder and dug your fingers into the muscles in your neck. You looked over your shoulder at Changbin who was staring at you. 

“Hey!” He jumped snapping out of it.  

“Do you think Yongbokie would give me a massage?” You asked hopeful. Changbin scrunched his face. 

“He’s out of town this weekend.” You groaned falling back against the bench again, your full chest rising and falling as you caught your breath. 

“Shit! Ugh! I was really needing one this week. I’ve been so stiff and sore. It’s only gonna get worse.” You pushed your sweaty hair out of your face and rested your arm across your eyes still catching your breath. When the idea popped in his head Changbin thought it was great and blurted it out immediately. 

“Felix has shown me some things, I can massage you if that’ll help?” As soon as he said it, he regretted it for a multitude of reasons. What if he made you uncomfortable asking and you said no, what if you said yes?! Then Changbin would have to rub down your soft body and try to not get hard while doing so. You thought about it for a minute and then dropped your arm away from your face looking up at Changbin. 

“Are you sure? You really don’t have to Bin. I can just wait for her next available day or beg Felix when he gets home later this weekend.” Changbin tried to act as cool as possible while his heart threatened to punch it’s way out of his chest. 

“No! No, it’s okay really, I don’t mind at all.” You groaned sitting up and then stood pulling at your shoulder again. 

“Okie doke! Lead the way then Binnie!” You both collected your belongings and headed over to the dorm Changbin shared with your other seven friends. When you got there Changbin let you in and you both dropped all your gym junk in the living room. 

“Should I lie down here or should we go to your room in case any of the guys come home and want the living room?” Changbin saw your lips moving but wasn’t registering the words coming out. 

“Huh?” He asked when he finally came around. 

“In here or your room Binnie?” He cleared his throat. 

“Uhh my room I suppose...” You nodded and started walking back to where the bedrooms were. 

“Probably the smarter option really.” You said as you turned around and saw Changbin still frozen in his place. 

“Bin?” He looked up at you a little wide eyed and you couldn’t help but giggle. 

“Are you coming or...” 

“Of course, yes, I’m coming, right behind you.” His legs finally started to work and he followed you towards his room. When he walked in, he shut the door behind him. 

“Bed or floor?” Changbin turned around quickly to find you looking at him waiting for your answer. 

 “I guess the bed would be more comfortable for you.” You nodded and walked over to his bed crawling onto it on your hands and knees your plump ass jiggling. Changbin willed his cock not to react but could already tell this was going to be trouble. You laid down flat on your tummy and the swell of your ass was full and firm. Once you had found a comfortable position, your head resting on your crossed arms you gave Changbin the okay. 

“Alright Bin, work your magic.” Oh there was definitely some magic he’d like to work on you. Get your shit together Changbin, is what he told himself as he walked over and climbed on the bed, straddling your body and sitting on your ass. 

“Uh, sorry if I’m squishing you.” You hummed. 

“Hmm? Oh, no you’re fine, my ass is squishy so you’re not hurting me or anything.” He ignored that very accurate description of your butt and how it made him feel and grabbed the lotion off his nightstand. 

“Oh! Will you unzip the back so that we don’t get lotion on my sports bra?” Changbin’s face was so red, he was ready to blow and could not be happier that you couldn’t see him, sitting there on your ass, blushing at the idea of opening your bra.  

“O-okay.” Was all he managed to choke out before reaching for the zipper on the back of your sports bra and pulling down leaving your back completely bare to him. He grabbed the lotion bottle and pumped a healthy amount into his hand. He set the bottle aside and rubbed his hands together warming the lotion up a bit before leaning forward and running his hands up your back and then over your shoulders squeezing and sliding his hands back down. 

“UghhhmmmBin... that feels so good.” Changbin needed you to refrain from saying things like that. He could only keep his dick in control for so long and he could feel it starting to stir in his boxer briefs. The massage, your back, focus on you. That didn’t really help either, as his hands worked over the muscles of your glistening back. You continued with the small moans after every knot Changbin worked out. Every muscle loosened on you made his cock start to throb more as it swelled. No no no! He thought to himself. Do. Not! Get a hard on right now. 

“Will you work deeper into my shoulders?” That meant he had to lean against you, his erection would definitely press against you if he did that. He slowly worked his way up your back, trying to get his dick to go back down. His firm hands gripped your shoulders and started kneading, his hard cock as expected was pressed against you, only getting harder every time he moved against you. 

“Mmmmm deeper Binnie...” He pushed his fingers deeper into your shoulders and neck working at the last of your stiff muscles fighting the urge to rut into you as he did and really show you deeper. You had no idea what you were doing to him. You were moaning and a little breathless from the intensely deep massage Changbin was giving you. 

“Mmmmdeeperuhhhhh!” You moaned out louder and he was certain that he was gonna cum on himself if you kept at it. Finally, you let out one last satisfied groan. 

“Gahhh that is just what I needed Changbinnie. Thank you.” He softly ran his hands up and down your back as a cool down from the pain he’d put you through. You were acting completely normal; you must not have felt his dick pressing against your ass although he wasn’t sure how.  

“No problem, really.” He jumped off your back and scrambled to the side of his bed, attempting to hide his erection from you. You sat up and knelt on the bed by Changbin. 

“Binnie?” He hummed in response unwilling to look at you. Worried that one look into his eyes would give him and his stupid crush away immediately.  You crawled up right behind him so closely he could feel the warmth of your body. You lifted the hem of Changbin’s shirt. He lifted his arms allowing you to pull it up and over his head, his upper body exposed to you. His firm, muscular back facing you. You wrapped your arms around Changbin hugging him from behind. You rested your head on his broad shoulder and he could feel your nipples and your bare soft tits pressed against his naked back.  

“Changbin? Do you have any stiff muscles?” Your hands reached down his body and you palmed his hard cock over his basketball shorts, kissing across his broad shoulders. Changbin’s breathing was becoming more labored.  

“Wh-what are you doing y/n?” He asked nervously. 

“Giving you a massage Binnie...” You said innocently as you started stroking his cock over the fabric of his shorts, your big breasts and soft tummy squishing against him with every movement. More kisses on his shoulder and up his neck. 

“Uh.. Um... w-why?”  You got close to Changbin’s ear licked the shell and started whispering. 

“I know you have a crush on me Binnie. I see how you always look at me. You’re not as discreet as you think you are.” Changbin’s eyes closed as you jerked him off faster. 

“I felt you pressing your big cock against me while you rubbed me down. Did you like touching my body?” Changbin nodded. 

“Yes. F-fuck yes. I loved it!” You reached into his shorts and underwear. You softly ran the palm of your hand up and down his balls and shaft and as good as it felt, it gave him no real satisfaction yet. 

“So hard Binnie! And leaking so much!” You grabbed one of his hands, pulling it behind him. 

“Touch me Binnie, feel how fucking wet I am for you too baby.” His hand dipped past the elastic waist band of your gym shorts and when Changbin teased his fingers through your slit he felt how drenched you were for him. You moaned when he started teasing your clit. 

“Spit on your cock for me Bin.” He leaned forward enough to spit on the head of his dick. You wrapped your fingers around him, spreading it up and down his shaft, then you started jacking him off from behind while he continued to reach around and play with your slick pussy. 

“F-feels so good y/n, squeeze it harder please...” You did as he asked and squeezed him tighter as you stroked him, focusing on the head of his cock. The closer his orgasm got the faster his fingers teased your clit, rubbing your arousal against it harder and faster. 

“Fuck! Binnie you’re gonna make me cum baby!” Your thick legs trapped Changbin, your body tensing around him as you came. The sound of you creaming on his fingers and the feeling of your whole body engulfing him from behind was sending Changbin skyrocketing towards his own climax. You stroked him faster, twisting your wrist, panting as you recovered from your orgasm. 

“Spit on it again Bin.” He did so and you worked him faster, your hand making a squelching sound as you jerked off the tip of his cock hard, twisting. 

“Cum for me Binnie... want you to jizz in your shorts for me, can you do that? Will you make a mess baby.” Changbin nodded, his whole body flushed, a slight sheen of sweat starting to form as his firm stomach sucked in and out with his heavy breaths. Changbin’s balls tightened and he started coming in his shorts like you’d asked, coating the material and your hand. 

“Fuck! y/n oh fuck!” You slowly slid your hand up and down his cock smearing his cum then pulled your hand out and started licking it from your fingers. Changbin’s eyes followed your hand and when he saw you eating his cum off your fingers, he felt his dick twitch in his shorts. 

“MMmm all better Bin?” Changbin gripped his cock over his cum covered shorts, rubbing, and hummed. 

“Hmm still kinda stiff I think.” You cooed at him. 

“Awww I’ll work it out for you Binnie. Take off your shorts and underwear and lay back for me handsome.” Changbin ditched the last of his clothes and laid back. You pulled your shorts down over your plump ass giving Changbin a good view of your slick pussy. Once you were completely naked, you got back on your knees between Changbin’s legs. You tip toed your fingers up his thick thighs towards his cock, making him twitch and leak more precum for you. 

“Would you like it if I sucked your cock Bin?” He looked down at you with his lust blown eyes and nodded. 

“Fuck yes! Please, suck me beautiful!” You gripped Changbin’s cock with one hand and licked him from base to tip. 

“Mmm... you taste so good Binnie...” You wrapped your lips around the tip of his dick gently sucking. You loved how vocal Changbin was for you. 

“God yes, mmm fuck m-more, please!” You took more of him into your mouth and started bobbing your head up and down. His hands gathered your hair and held it up so he could see you slurping at his cock better. You popped off, looking up at him and started stroking his dick. 

“It’s so big Changbin! I’m choking on it...” You swallowed him and did just that, choking and drooling down his cock before pulling off again, jerking him off faster. He pushed stray hairs away from your face as you looked up at him, tugging at his dick. Hand still gripping your makeshift ponytail. 

“Are you gonna cum for me Bin?” He was panting as you started sucking his cock again hollowing your cheeks and gagging on him with your tongue out. 

“Y-yes fuck! Gonna cum baby, I’m gonna cum!” You deep throated him humming and pulled off again stroking him hard and fast. 

“Go on Binnie cum, want to see you cum on yourself. Promise I’ll clean you up good baby.” You squeezed his balls as you jerked his cock. He twitched in your hand, his cum streaking across his firm stomach, pooling in the indentations of his abs. He jerked and shook as you stroked every drop of his cum from him, then as promised, started licking it off his body ‘cleaning’ him. Changbin continued holding up your hair while you licked his abs clean. When every drop of cum had been licked off, you crawled back up his body and kissed him, his lips overtaking yours in a fiery passion quickly. He flipped you and suddenly you were on your back with Changbin hovering over your full body. He squished and squeezed you as he started kissing and nipping down your jaw and neck. You were melting underneath him now when moments ago he’d been at your mercy. You could feel the shift in the atmosphere. 

“You’re so cute taking charge like that, but don’t think just because I let you press my buttons that I won’t fucking destroy yours.” He kissed you hard as his hand started its journey down your cushy body in search of your plump cunt. Oh fuck you thought to yourself, this man was about to disassemble you one orgasm at a time. You were fucked and you were ready. 

“Guess you’re gonna have to put me in my place, huh Binnie baby? Really show me who’s boss.” He smirked at you with an eyebrow raised. 

“Oh I intend to princess, don’t you worry.” He climbed down your body kissing his way down before burying his face in your cunt breathing you in. He looked up at you then spread your pussy lips apart, spit on your cunt and slapped your clit gently a few times before he started eating you out messily. He hummed and slurped and munched on your cunt as you squirmed on the bed. He wrapped his strong arms around your thick thighs and held your pussy against his face as he ate, savored, and devoured your cunt. Your first orgasm crept up on you, you started shaking as you came, feeling it through your whole body, moaning Changbin’s name as you gripped his fluffy, wavy, hair. 

“Oh! Oh! Oh! Fuck! B-Binnie I’m coming Fuck!” He kitten licked you through the rest of your orgasm. He was eye level with your pussy and could see your cum leaking from your cute, tight hole. He sat up and traced two fingers through it, pushing them inside you. You jumped when Changbin’s fingers brushed your g spot, your body still buzzing a bit from your last orgasm. 

“Mmmm so wet for me.” Changbin started finger fucking you with the heel of his palm pressed against your clit. Your cunt made a sopping wet sound as he kept pumping his fingers into you. 

“Fuck baby you hear that?” He fingered you faster, slapping your pussy again, it sounded juicy and lewd. You could feel your arousal dripping down your ass cheeks as Changbin continued to push you towards another orgasm. 

“You gonna cum for me again princess? Hmm? Your juices are leaking from you, it’s giving you away. You’re gonna cum again aren’t you.” You nodded aggressively. 

“YES! FUCK YES! I'M GONNA CUM BIN!” Wet fapping was all you could hear as he fucked your soaked cunt with his fingers hard, his palm slapping against your clit harder, harder, harder! You came screaming Changbin’s name. 

“CHANGBIN CHANGBIN CHANGBIN FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!” You squeezed your legs together as Changbin continued pumping his fingers deep inside you. Squelching and squishing with your cum. Your body relaxed and Changbin pulled his fingers out of you, then rubbed your cum all over your pussy with his whole hand, giving your clit a little slap at the end making you jump. When you finally could open your eyes you saw Changbin looking down at you, sucking your flavor off his fingers, his eyes narrowed like a cougar about to pounce on it’s dinner. Changbin propped himself over you, slotted between your legs again, his cock hard again pushing against you as he leaned down to kiss you. He whispered against your lips. 

“Gonna let me fuck that tight hole princess? You’re gonna let me make you cream all over my cock too yeah?” He thrusted the tip of his cock over your sensitive clit making you moan.  

“Yes Bin want you to fuck me, make me cum fuck me pleeease Binnie pleaaaaase!!” You begged not caring how cock hungry and desperate you sounded for him. He held onto his dick still rubbing it up and down your slick folds, teasing your clit again and again. 

“You’re gonna let me fuck you raw yea? If I’m taking this little hole I’m filling it too. So princess you gonna let me reck you raw and fill you up with my cum?” He pushed the tip of his dick firmly against your clit focusing on rubbing it hard, both of you shaking from the pleasure. 

“W-what if... what if you get me pregnant Bin?” His cock twitched hard at your question. He leaned down close to your ear. 

“FUCKING good! Then everyone will know who this pussy belongs to.” You clenched around nothing and your arousal gushed from you. 

“I’m pumping my cum inside you until I’m leaking from that wrecked little cunt.” Your pussy buzzed at his words and you moaned begging again.  

“Give it to me raw Bin want to feel your cum inside me warm and thick.” Changbin pulled you up off the bed and kissed you hard. 

“Go on bend that big ass over for Binnie. Show me that fat cunt.” You bent over and your full ass, and juicy pussy were on full display for Changbin. He knelt behind you and slapped his hard cock against your wet slit a few times. He pushed the tip of his thick cock into your quivering hole and gave you a few shallow thrusts before pulling it out and pushing it in again. 

“Fuck you’re so tight princess, how’s that cute little cunt so tight hmm? Isn’t it getting fucked enough baby?” You looked back pouting with doe eyes shaking your head whining. 

“No Binnie my pussy has been so neglected, needs a nice fat cock to fuck it wide open. Will you fuck my hole open Binnie pretty please?” You pushed your plump bottom lip out further. Changbin could hardly stand it, he pulled out and pushed in deeper gripping your hip and starting a slow rhythm.  

“Be a good girl and hold on cause I’m gonna split you in half with my cock.” You gripped the sheets and Changbin started fucking you deep and hard. His hips slapping against your ass over and over rolling his body. He gripped both of your hips and fucked you harder. 

“You feel that princess?” He thrusted really hard a few times causing you to fall face down into the mattress from the force. 

“You’re gonna remember I was here when I’m done with you! Gonna remember who’s cunt this is!” Changbin jack hammered his thick cock into you, reaching down and rubbing your clit hard. 

“FUCKFUCKFUCK TAKE IT TAKE IT! FUCKING FEEL THAT?! HMMM? FEEL ME WRECKING YOUR PRETTY LITTLE CUNT? FEEL ME STRETCHING YOUR. TIGHT. HOLE!?” Changbin was always such a level headed guy. This Changbin... was fucking feral, and actual mad man as he fucked the life out of you he started spanking your ass hard over and over while he railed you and you started coming, eyes crossed, drooling, screaming jibberish. 

“FUCKOHMYFUCKISOAOFUCKFUCKOHSHITFAUIGUDCHANBFUCK!” Changbin slapped your fat ass cheek hard one more time, pulled out while your cunt still clenched hard around nothing, still coming, dripping. He flipped you onto your back like a rag doll, like it was the easiest thing in the world for him and his big bulky arms. He shoved his cock back inside you, gripped your wide hips and started railing you flat again, four fingers rubbing your clit hard and then smacking it. You weren’t sure if he was prolonging your last orgasm or if another was tearing through you again already, all you knew was your juices were dripping down Changbin’s cock and the wet slapping sound of his balls against your fat ass made you drip even more.  

“BINBINBINBINBINNIEAHHHHHH! You were clenching around his cock coming again, he kept fucking you deep and started slapping your clit a little harder than he had before. He pulled out, slapping his fat cock against your clit more before shoving it back in and making you take him balls deep hard, relentless. 

“You wanted put in your place princess? So get in line! You’re gonna be a good girl and cum as many times as I fucking tell you to!” Changbin pushed your legs back against your chest and started fucking you in the new position hard. 

“Fucking cum!” He yelled hammering into you you babbled your tongue hanging out of your mouth. Your fucked out face made Changbin wild. 

“I SAID FUCKING CUM!” 

“CHANGBINCHANGBINCHANGBIN!” Your legs were trembling through another life altering orgasm. You were covered in sweat, breathless, and blushing. Changbin let up off your legs and wrapped them around him. 

“Fuck baby. I love being locked between these thick thighs.” Changbin massaged your shaking legs. 

“Open up those eyes princess.” He pushed his thumb in your mouth and you gently sucked on it, opening your eyes. 

“Good girl. Now... you’re gonna cum for me one more time, and then I’m gonna fill this swollen cunt with my babies. Is that what you want?” You nodded, you had never been so fucked out in your life. 

“Fill me Bin, give me your babies good and deep.” Changbin slid the tip of his cock into your tender cunt again and you immedietly started clenching around him from the overstimulation. He rolled his hips into you pushing in balls deep and his cock rubbed your g spot. 

“THERE!” You shouted the feeling like being set on fire, in a good way. Changbin rolled his hips again harder rubbing the same spot deep.” 

“Right there baby?” He started fucking you harder and faster as you nodded, losing your mind on Changbin’s dick. 

RIGHTTHERERIGHTTHERERIGHTTHERE!” Changbin kept pumping into you until his lower half was covered in your pussy juice. You made a guttural sound before screaming as he fucked you through another orgasm, chasing his own franticly. His hips slapping against your ass hard and a fast, fap fap fap fap. He pulled out squeezing his dick and pushed the tip of his cock in. He pulled out and pushed in again thrusting the tip a couple of times before pulling out to push his tip in again. Watching your gaping cunt clench and quiver every time he pulled out. When Changbin felt his orgasm coming he pushed the tip of his cock inside you and started jacking off until he came. He stilled with his tip inside you, letting his cum squirt into you then fucking it deeper and pulling out, stroking and coming across your plump pussy lips and chubby tummy, watching his seed drip from your clenching abused hole. 

“That’s right...” He scooped up his cum with the tip of this dick and stuffed it all back inside, pumping and thrusting, his cock lodged deep inside you until he softened and pulled out. When his cum started oozing from you again he took two fingers and pushed it back in. 

“Nuh uh, hold all that cum princess. Can’t give you my babies if you’re squeezing out my load.” He pulled his fingers out and rubbed them coated in his cum over your pussy, your body buzzing, jumping, and coming down from the best sex you’d ever had in your life. Changbin flopped down on the bed breathless and pulled you close, wrapping one of his arms around you and kissed the top of your head. 

“I hope that was okay.” You looked up at him incredulously. 

“Okay?! Changbin that was... FUCKING AMAZING!” He cracked a shy smile and you wondered how this adorable man who had just been fucking you like his own personal whore, now looked like that, blushing from a compliment on his prowess in bed. He scratched at his neck a little nervous. 

“Uh... and the uh... coming inside you thing. Well I mean... just... if you’re worried... well... I can get you plan-” You shook your head and wrapped your arms around Changbin’s torso and squeezed gigging a little. Changbin was confused. 

“Oh. Binnie, baby I’m on birth control.”  

“W-well then why did you ask...” You leaned up and pecked his lips. 

“It made you go wild didn’t it?” He laughed shaking his head in agreement. 

“Mhm, and...” You ran your fingers through your folds collecting the cum still leaking from you and started licking them clean, sucking on your pointer finger and popping off, looking deep into Changbin’s eyes. 

“Just so you know, you’re my new masseuse from now on.” 

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!

[umathurwin]

#i also have headcanons about s1 and the months leading up to it that could fill a goddamn phone book

….well know you Have to share with the class🤲

oh ym god. i’m so glad you asked

first i wanna say i feel like i have a different timeline imagined out than most other viewers do? i also play fast and loose with the ages and grades. i’m not calculating this down to the minute. second is that i’ve had some of these headcanons so long that i’m blurring the lines between conjecture and reality. now come along!

first i think kiara was part of the friend group as a young girl, maybe starting in late elementary/early middle school. she once said in an argument with her parents that they’ve been her friends “since kindergarten” but i think this is just a heated exaggeration because even john b himself says he’s only been friends with JJ since the 3rd grade. i get the feeling pope came later and then kiara last, like in 5th-6th grade

i think that getting pulled into the kook school was a last ditch attempt by her mother to groom her into the wealthy side of the island. anna still tried, like in the midsummers episode, but that was more forcing her to do it and less... getting kie to feel that way naturally. anyways she enrolled kiara into the private academy and this drove a wedge between her and the boys

after that, it’s mentioned in canon that kiara is befriended by sarah cameron, and this was basically the start of kiara enjoying being a kook— which is only brushed upon in the series. i think when kie and sarah were friends the first time, kiara was capital R ready to leave those fuckass boys in the past (honestly, i don’t even think that’s that much of a hot take from what i’ve seen other people say about kiara and her elusive kook year (which also, i imagine as being more like a year and a half))

now this is my massive kiarafe bias coming in, but i think this is when she and rafe also fell for each other. i think she spent a lot of time at the cameron house, probably even went on vacations with them, and she grew very close with rafe, too

quick note about rafe— i also think that kiara had a very personal look into rafe’s mental health spiral. s1e1 doesn’t pick up at the beginning of rafe’s issues, they’ve clearly been progressing for some time. rose is the only character in the series to speak frankly about rafe and his behavior, and she says that he’s had problems since he was a child, and i believe that his anger issues and addiction maybe got worse while kiara and rafe were together. i have this very specific headcanon that kiara and rafe broke things off within 24 hours of sarah throwing the party without kiara

and yeah, then sarah threw a party without kiara. the in-universe explanation for this is so bad it’s comical, which forces me to believe sarah developed feelings for kiara and comphet made her cut ties. i also have the feeling sarah would obviously know her brother and best friend were seeing each other, and this probably complicated things even more for her 

so then we have kiara, utterly betrayed by her best friend and freshly alone. probably felt entirely isolated from school after busting the party, too. kiara talks about this time in the show with a lot of anger, but this sounds like the most depressing situation a teenager could be in, and it’s odd to me that they didn’t approach it like that. it had to have been so bad that anna agreed to take kie back out of the kook academy and let her return to public school

this is where my next hot take comes in— kiara’s return to poguehood happened like… three months before the pilot. IF that. i think that not only was her existence in the friend group contingent from the ground up, but i think the wounds from the cameron siblings were FRESH.

keep walking with me. i think kiara, looking to fill a rafe-shaped hole (don’t be gross), developed a crush on john b. this isn’t even that much of a reach, since even JJPope point out her behavior to him, but i wanna specifically put the word “crush” on her feelings

but remember, she’s on probation. she just spent the last 18 months partying on yachts and going to the hamptons for the summer and dining in places where pogues work. she has to prove she can be one of them again, and that includes following the weird made-up rule “no pogue-on-pogue macking” which… don’t even get me started. omg

so i think s1e1, kiara has a fat crush on john b and is doing a half-ass job hiding it. i do love this ship, but even i can see it visibly fizzle out as kiara slowly gets the ick for john b and his zealous antics. i think him getting excited and kissing her actually was the thing that fully stomped out her crush on him. she has this PAINFUL moment outside the lighthouse where you can see her realize “ohhh he’s totally in his own world, yeah i could never date him, bye lol”. and that’s the death of john biara. but it was a good run!!

(although, if someone was to argue it wasn’t totally dead and that him choosing to work with her ex-best friend was a massive betrayal TIMES TWO… i wouldn’t cover my ears)

i also just want to mention that if you examine s1 by itself, if you stopped and asked JJ which of the boys should date kie, i think he’d say john b. in fact, i’m almost certain of it, based on the motel scene. but i digest

and honestly, to cap it all off, i think that kiara/pope and kiara/jj were never meant to be. really, i know they weren’t since the latter was fan service and the former died on impact, but i think it even spells it in the narrative that john b, pope, and JJ were all meant to fill the void left by rafe. but that’s for season 5, i’m getting ahead of myself…!

anyways, that was over a thousand words of my HCs for ONE CHARACTER, and only her time BEFORE the series. i’m just scratching the surface baby. i have so many thoughts on this show i need to buy a podcast mic or some shit

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: It would be helpful to hear your perspective on this. I’m a 20y INFP female. I’m single and I’ve always been single and i fear relationship for various reasons. Anyway this is not the issue. I feel like i have social anxiety and i don’t have friends. And that’s also not the issue. Few weeks ago I decided to try to meet new people and leave my comfort zone. It was difficult but worth it to an extent, i feel more brave and made some new friends. This is not the issue too.

The issue that’s bothering me is, in this experiment i developed a crush in a very short time on a guy i met just because he called me a princess and flirted sweetly. I feel pathetic a bit but I really like being called a sweet things. However one time I refused to do something he wanted me to do and he got really dry and gave me the silent treatment. I’m aware that the sweet things he say and the “princess” are probably manipulation. But now I’m attached and i feel eww.

I realised that i have a pattern of CRAVING VERBAL validation, it’s not just him. I fly high whenever someone compliments me. They say give yourself the love you want, i really love myself, but what can i do here? Do i call myself a princess? I really love myself but i want to be loved by someone else and want to be called sweet things. On the other hand, nothing bothers me as much as criticism does, any type or amount of it, it pisses me off and it’s one of the reasons I push people away.

For more context, i have an unstable relationship with my parents. My mum is nice but she’s very critical, she always finds something negative to comment on or suggestion for improvement. With my dad it’s more complicated, we used to be very close, he used to spend time with me and chat with me he even wrote love letters for me.

One day he changed, forever, he and mum separated and me and him got so distant (around 10y). And he got worse when i was a teenager, he start to be angry at me and the only kind of conversation we have is fights. I miss the loving version of him but it’s gone forever. I don’t know what to do.

I feel like i want love, acceptance and being called a princess, but I don’t know how to get these things, not from myself to myself, and not from others. I’m confused too because sometimes i hate when people do nice things to me it’s not satisfying i only want words and I DON’T FUCKING KNOW WHY

----------------------

The problem with being neglected or deprived in childhood is that it's easy for children to jump to the conclusion that the pittance of love they received is all they deserve, so they go through life with extremely low expectations. They keep unconsciously replaying the unhealthy parental dynamic with their romantic partners, always settling for less, because they'd rather have a little than risk losing everything by daring to ask for more. Does this apply to you? What kind of "love" do you believe you deserve?

Children are innocent and shouldn't be blamed for the sins of their parents. It's not a crime to want love, especially when you feel as though you were shortchanged in childhood. When you're a child, your well-being is largely in the hands of adults. You have little control over whether they help you or hurt you. As an adult, though, you get to make a decision about what kind of person you want to be. Do you want to keep being that helpless child forever, always at the mercy of others, always stuck in wishful thinking, always depriving yourself of love in the same way your parents did? Or do you want to be an independent person, in charge of your own fate, taking the necessary action to live a good life through maintaining your integrity, fulfilling your needs, and promoting your well-being?

The human need for love is legitimate, i.e., love is a necessary ingredient for living a full and meaningful life. As a general rule, when people neglect or repress their psychological needs for too long, their thinking and emotions about them become more and more distorted as time goes by. Unfulfilled needs, stuck churning around in the background of the mind, can slowly turn uglier and uglier, e.g., from a naive preoccupation, to a desperate longing, to a visceral craving, to an obsession, to a compulsion, to an addiction, to a mental disorder. It sounds like your need for love has gone unaddressed for too long and now your thoughts about love (e.g. what it is, how to get it, etc) have become distorted and misguided.

Addictive tendencies in INFPs are often a sign of Fi-Si loop. Healthy Ne grants a person optimism, confidence, and adaptability, which are all necessary for bravely confronting life's problems. With underdeveloped Ne, immature INFPs allow life's problems to linger, fester, and accumulate, eventually resulting in a slew of insecurities. In a helpless state, they grasp for things that feel good or have felt good to them before, as a way to self-soothe or create a distraction from their insecurities. However, this means that the insecurities only get worse over time. And constantly feeling triggered turns the grasping for feel-good moments into a reflexive/repetitive habit.

For example, it feels good to get verbal validation when you've felt so starved of it, right? When you're basking in that high, it doesn't matter to you in the least whether the words are true or false. The feeling is all that matters to you. And that's how you know that Fi has entered dangerously extreme territory.

Losing all control of yourself and even willing to sacrifice your integrity by rejecting the truth, how can you have healthy self-esteem and feel proud of who you are? When you're willing to do anything for a fleeting feeling that only crudely resembles "love" but you know isn't really love, you've got an addiction. And when you aren't getting that "high", you suffer "withdrawal". The high always dissipates, and then up comes the dull ache of emptiness, an emptiness that was forged through years of denying yourself opportunities to love.

Emptiness is a real problem. But what's the best solution? When you aren't psychologically healthy, you have too much emotional baggage and old pain lingering in the unconscious and influencing your decision-making from a dark place, so you aren't able to use your functions in a healthy way. When Ne is unhealthy, you can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality, so you can easily convince yourself that temporary quick-fixes are enough. Then, life becomes an endless cycle of chasing highs that never last.

When Ne is healthy, it tells you that there are always better ways and better possibilities, and you should pursue them with everything you've got. This experimentation you feel compelled to carry out is likely about Ne development. The question is: Why have you waited until now to do it? The auxiliary function should ideally develop throughout adolescence. If you resisted development, it's now up to you to make up for it by developing Ne properly, see the Type Dev Guide. Remember that "experimentation" is about running multiple trials so that you can observe a very wide range of results and get a fuller understanding of things, the bigger picture. Settling for the first result you get is a sign of desperation, of thinking so little of yourself that you don't believe you can do better.

Are you going to listen to Fi when it tells you the difference between right and wrong and then make good decisions? Are you going to listen to Ne when it tells you that life is full of opportunity? Are you going to disrupt the Fi-Si loop of instant gratification and, instead, put in the hard work to find the right people and use the right methods of building healthy and loving relationships? Or are you going to keep settling for scraps from terrible people until the pain of your unfulfilled need for love becomes so unbearable that you drown in misery and self-loathing? To finally grow up into an adult is to realize that you have a duty to yourself to make the right choices.

[jmeldog]

I can't watch duel masters bc of no English so how did you enjoy the katta era

The short version?

It was Mr Bones’ Wild Ride.

The very very long version?

Sorry if this sounds like recapping. But I just wanna ramble about things I liked that stood out to me.

It’s crazy the emotional whiplash one show can put you through.

When I’d started watching Katta era back in the winter of 2022 (yes my watch has taken that long) it would genuinely give me headaches from how fast paced and outlandish the comedy was. It honestly felt like it took hours but then I’d find out I only watched two episodes. And despite all the comedy, it still sucker punched me with heart wrenching emotional moments. The mix of comedy and drama didn’t even feel that out of place. Sure, it dragged on if too many joke eps are in a row, but when the serious moments start I wasn’t like “what is this shit doing in my funny joke comedy show.” Also by the end of it I was starting to lose my mind and really enjoy most of the comedy eps.

It’s like a pendulum that swings back and forth between the extremes of both ends, creating a really…interesting… experience., I used to be really edgy and like only dark things, but in my years I have become aware of how you need light to realize the depths of the dark. And duema is like that but if it punched you in the face.

Being able to see characters be stupid and happy makes you feel worse when things go to shit. And the extent of how bad things can go to shit makes you grateful for having comedy eps.

(I say, like I wasn’t cursing and yelling at comedy eps for how they hurt me by being brain-meltingly insane.)

But to actually talk about specifics in plot and characters, tbh I’d say Lulu and Katta are probably my favorite characters.

To start with Katta, he’s sure a guy to watch. He just does things. And things just happen to him. And as much as I hate to say it he’s a very satisfying character? He morbidly fascinates me. Every annoying trait of his builds a very unfortunately believable profile. He’s a hot-headed, dense, selfish, petty middle schooler who likes curry bread, clout, hamsters, and boobs. He was stillborn, revived by a miracle, spent much of his early childhood in a hospital, and lives in the shadow of his brother who died to save the world.

But I like how even through his denseness, he still cares about his friends. Honestly to the point where he sometimes lashes out with violence before resorting to card games lmao. I’m sorry. He’s funny.

He’s a pretty simple guy with pretty simple wants, and that’s what makes him regrettably endearing to me despite how annoying he and his wants can be. He’s so thick skulled that he plows through most obstacles and nothing seems to ever truly get to him.

He’s a guy that I prayed for the downfall of. But when things actually got to him and he was suffering, I felt bad lol. It’s so jarring to see him sad.

And then he actually developed into slightly less of a bastard!!! He’s still annoying, but he’s truly realized the value of his friends! They keep him from falling to despair! Yay! and he saved the world. Yippee!!!

And for Lulu… as a card game heroine she is so utterly fascinating to me. I’m not like a super card game anime aficionado or anything, but erm. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a heroine they let be as genuinely fucking unhinged as her. Even later Duema heroines don’t match her prowess.

She’s just a normal girl. She’s just a silly girl. She also spent much her early childhood in a hospital. Her forehead shines like the sun. She has a genetic illness that makes her feel sickly and cough a lot. She can break buildings in half barehanded. She’s a little hopeless romantic. She’ll beat anyone who catches her daydreaming. She is on the grindset to marry Katta. She got cucked. The girl who cucked her only did it because she actually had a crush on Lulu and wanted to break her. She’s apart of toxic yuri.

And of course I’m a sucker for the epilogue.

Not only because of my boy Joe, but also because I love seeing how all the characters grew up. Katta and Lulu getting together was expected, but cute and I’m never going to complain. Also Duema was so fucking real for keeping Basa2 together. They’ve healed from wanting to destroy the world and now they can enjoy it!!!! Real!!!!!!!!

I have a lot more things I could ramble about but I’m really just gonna cut myself off here lol. Sorry Gyo, Lucifer, Duemouse, Rare Killers, Kazura, Basa2, and many others, but I don’t wanna make this any longer 💔

Anyway really fun show, I’d recommend it to no one. Stan this fucking thing.

[lion-of-liberation]

I need to expose my thoughts. I talk and express a lot and yet there’s endlessly more under the surface always. It’s never-ending. I doubt there’s a single person that can handle the endlessness of it all. Some of its mundane, some is significant, some is deeply emotional, but they’re all intertwined and I can’t tell if that’s just what is or if I created it myself. I’m not sure if that even matters either because at this point it’s all real enough that I feel the need to purge it from my brain. I’ll start with some straight forward stuff: what I have self-diagnosed myself with and done nothing about.

It’s honestly embarrassing to think about self-diagnosing myself but… I know me best and I see how different I act in front of any human. It’s almost like I’m never there. Sometimes I am and I love it. But I don’t know why it’s hard to be there. And afterward I regret it and begin thinking about non existence. I’ve challenged myself to type out every natural thought as it comes. I’m not a fan but I need this out. I feel pretty qualified to self-diagnose as I work in the mental health field but do to the nature of what I believe I got going on, I haven’t done anything about this to go find out from an outside source.

This also embarrassing because I feel it’s common. But I hear others using stereotypes and basic examples as justification for their self-diagnosis. I’ve spent years on this. It was 5 years before I said anything to a friend out loud. Anyways… I believe I have ADHD. Stemming from that I’ve developed a propensity for anxiety, depression and imposter syndrome.

Currently, imposter syndrome and depression seem to be taking over. Anxiety used to be a bugger issue, leading to panic attacks and very literally running away. I’m in massage therapy school right now so I feel I’ve learned how to manage anxiety better naturally through this experience.

Depression - my motivation to do anything, including eat or shower has been dwindling for months. It gets better and then gets worse. I know that’s the nature of things but I just want be able to eat at least. I don’t know why something so simple is so difficult for me. Everyone seems to see me as an intelligent and thoughtful person and it just feels like they don’t know me at all. That’s the imposter syndrome right there.

I feel like my brain is full of all these things I want to be and do and I do none of it and my self appreciation just goes down every day. The thoughts of falling into a coma or disappearing have been more and more frequent and starting earlier and earlier in the day.

I feel stuck in some void, but it’s surrounded by mirrors so only I can see me and everyone else sees…something else.

I felt called to type all this out today because something significant yet insignificant happed as soon as I woke up. Someone had deleted me as a friend on Snapchat. I’d never known them in real life. We’d been in each others social media for a few years now. I thought of them as strange and cool, and potentially someone who’d be a friend. It seemed like we were on the same wavelength for a lot of things. He’s even said that once as well. I think people say things heartwarming often thoughtlessly and I’m always the person who takes it seriously and cherishes it. It’s why I hate hearing “I love you.” Anyways I was filled with thoughts that this man could be part of my soul family - a friend I’m meant to have in this life because so many of our interests and ways of being overlapped. I responded to his story yesterday… I guess he hated my response. Maybe something about it revealed to him an aspect of myself he found annoying enough to delete me after 3 years.

I didn’t think I’d be so hurt. But I cried really hard and I’m still crying now. Partly I had a small crush as I often do strictly with males very far from me, but honestly I was holding out hope I’d meet him and gain a new kind of friend. Now that fantasy is demolished and I’m devastated. There’s something good out of this I know. The universe might be pushing distractions out of my way. I’m too good at finding them. Maybe he felt how hard I was hoping he’d be my friend in real life. It all sounds pathetic. I feel starved for deep human connection yet when I make friends I’m so….awkward and feel I have to hide how much I like them. I don’t even like people often. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I’d rather disappear.

I think I’ll procrastinate on talking about what I feel is ADHD in behavior. Specifically the imposter syndrome is what I feel the most. I feel like a joke and disappointment and I’m not sure how I’ll ever change or how to fulfill myself.

[ceph-the-ghost-writer]

Happy STS! I’m currently obsessing over this myself, so I’ve decided to infect others with it too~ In a College AU of Phagophobia, what would the characters look like? what are their majors, their study habits, party habits, are they a TA or a professor? Who is trying to find the rumored tunnels under the campus for ghost hunting purposes? Go wild!

@thatndginger

Ah, the good old college/uni AU! I've been enjoying reading about your versions of this as well.

I took your advice and went a bit into the weeds with this, so long post under the cut.

Isaac would be a zoology major and TA who's working on his masters or doctorate probably. Partly because he's a nerd, but also because he'd be dragging his feet on going out into the "real" world. Just like in Phagophobia, he's a workaholic due to avoiding emotional issues. His best friend Elfy has to drag him out to have fun by the scruff of his neck.

Renato would be majoring in marine biology...no, wait, too hard. Psychology then. Or maybe a language would be more fun? Well, as you can see, he's undecided, much to the annoyance of his father, Dean Mergus. His grades aren't terrible, but they aren't above average either--yet another point of tension at home. The only subjects Renato truly applies himself to and excels at are being popular and getting invited to every party on campus.

Elfy might go after a history doctorate, and definitely somehow bullied the school into opening parapsychology classes, or at least allowing a club for the subject. This might have something to do with the local ghost/historical tours she's created bringing in a good bit of money. She's currently obsessed with proving there's an entity haunting the anthropology floor of the math/sciences building, and drags Isaac along on many of her spooky stake outs.

Dorian is a paleontology undergrad and the founder of a few popular social clubs. They meet Isaac through Elfy, and the two bond over being meganerds for their particular fields. Dorian has no idea Isaac immediately develops a crush on them, but Elfy helpfully goads Isaac into volunteering for some of Dorian's club events (where he eventually runs into Renato).

Professor Yi teaches cultural anthropology and has a reputation for being tough and intimidating on the outside, but relatively soft and chewy inside. She's the one who allows Elfy to roam around the anthropology floor after hours since she admires Elfy's enthusiasm and ability to get others excited about history. And maybe she wouldn't mind asking Elfy out one of these days for coffee or something. Yi often clashes with the stuffy academia old guard who want things done a certain way, even if it's clear that way isn't effective.

Professor Ott, aka Kinslayer, is the head of the psychology department. Their studies are infamous for leaving unsuspecting undergrads either emotionally shattered or wiser, if haunted. Even more than potentially seeing a ghost, Isaac dreads running into Ott whenever he's in the sciences building since they developed a keen interest in getting him to participate in their studies from the get-go.

As for plotlines, it could go a lot of ways. It would probably start with Isaac being in a rut, just studying, working, and only hanging out with Elfy. Then he gets introduced to Dorian and starts coming out of his risk-adverse routine...only to have Renato collide with his life. Accidently get him in trouble somehow? I don't know, but Renato would screw something up and then proceed to make things progressively worse while attempting to make it up to Isaac. There might be a case of "pretending we're dating to impress my dad" along the way. It becomes clear that just as Isaac's using school to avoid anxieties and dealing with his issues, Renato's doing much the same albeit expressing it differently. Slowly, their interactions become less prickly as they grow to understand each other and themselves better. Not to mention catch some feelings.

Ott would eventually corner Isaac, not on campus but by running into him while out and about unexpectedly. Perhaps during a speed dating event Elfy ropes him into? Isaac is terrified that he's going to be Hannibal Lectered, and Ott does seem to enjoy toying with him a bit. But it eventually turns out that Ott is just a really insightful psychologist with no nefarious intentions. They explain that the freshmen who are supposedly "shattered" by meeting them are just young people who are usually out in the real world for the first time on their own. Of course they're going to have bigger reactions to experiences they've never been exposed to before. Isaac and Ott become friends, hanging out away from school and talking about all sorts of subjects. This culminates in Elfy, Dorian, and Renato barging in to "rescue" Isaac later on because they believe he's been brainwashed by Ott. Misunderstanding hijinks ensue.

At AU's end, nobody would be explicitly paired up, though the possibility for romance in the future between Isaac and Renato, as well as Isaac and Dorian would be heavily implied. The real payoff to the college experience would be bonding with others as an adult, and the characters having more of a sense of who they are and what sort of future they want to make for themselves.

[prettyboysnuffilm]

i love that! i‘ve seen scream as a child, probably the first 3 movies, i‘m not sure. but i honestly couldn’t remember much. one day I stumbled upon a billy edit on tiktok and then a buch of scream stuff was on my fyp and with halloween around the corner, it was easy to become invested. i made the mistake of watching one too many edits and also watched scream 6 before rewatching scream 1 so i knew who the ghostfaces were etc. I‘m not a fan of scream 6 at all, i don‘t get how people are obsessed with it. i didn‘t like the second one that much either but it still got the 90‘s/early 2000‘s horror movie vibes which I love. unfortunately it doesn’t quite deliver the same energy as scream 1996. i have yet to rewatch the others and i don’t think i’ve ever seen the fifth one. fun fact: as soon as i saw stu on screen i forgot about billy, don‘t get me wrong billy is GORGEOUS and i adore his character so i totally get why he‘s your comfort character!! i‘m a total stu girlie (i‘m a slvt for goofy psychos can you blame me). i remember how i immediately sensed the homoerotic vibes from stuilly and honestly i can’t remember the last time i developed this big of an obsession over a movie or a ship. reading debaser made it SO much worse. also a huge fan of horror movies and true crime, always have been. i’m someone who tends to lose interest quite quickly but it really depends on how much i love the hyperfixation. i feel like this one is gonna last. what‘s your favourite thing about billy or the trait you associate yourself most with? if this is too personal, just ignore it!

I'm glad that the spooky season brought you back into Scream at full blast ! i feel the same about Scream 6, it's not giving "Scream" at all more like shitty netflix teen movie, imo. I don't like the 90% of the cast either. The original trilogy holds that late 90's/ early 2000's and i'm very fond of that but yeah, the vibes from the first one are unmatchable. It's simply a perfect movie 🖤 Oh, i get you. I definitely have a big fat crush on Stu, he's the one i'm in love with from the duo, lol. Billy gives me the gender envy and the "oh god i wanna be you" feeling. I'm so glad that Matthew decided to play another role of a psycho twink one year before Scream (I'm talking about Animal Room 1995, you should definitely watch that movie. People label it as bad but i love that one so much.) This is one of the biggest ship obsessions i've ever had and TRUST ME i've had A LOT ... I think Stuilly fits all the vibes and tropes that i'm down bad for when it comes to shipping. So you're a fellow Debaser fan ? (I think we all are at this point. I mean. It's so fucking good) Debaser altered my brain chemistry even if i already had some sort of uhm...Stuilly universe-plot thing ? that i was (and i'm still obsessed with) If you're reading the sequel, Wave of Mutilation i hope you're doing okay and i'm sending you emotional support lmao. And don't worry about the question, isn't really that personal! It's okay. I struggle a lot with abandonment issues and i agree on the part that going thru abandonment can really mess up your brain, for example: fear of attachment, fear of allowing yourself to enjoy things because you feel like they're never going to last, etc. also the struggle of "playing an act" all the time. I feel more relaxed around my close friends but besides that i'm a stiff mf. I already mentioned this in my last reply but the whole horror obsession and quoting things from movies is a thing that makes me relate to him on a high level. Like, when he's with Sidney in Stu's parents room and she's talking about her mother Billy tries to """"relate"""" to her experience by mentioning Clarice's backstory from SOTL. I do that a lot, i'm always like "Yeah, this is like this thing that happens in that movie" and then i feel so self-conscious about it. Since you've mentioned that you've read Debaser, well that answers your question. One of the things that shocked me the most about it is that Billy and I we share a very similar inner monologue when it comes to feelings, fears, frustrations... etc. That and being an angsty homo who likes Radiohead. L o L. If you've read Wave of Mutilation all the chapters who are written in Billy's POV hit really really close to home to me. So yeah, there isn't an specific trait but that's most of the stuff that makes me relate to him. But i'm trying to be less angsty, i swear haha. I think that Billy is the kind of person who gets sassy when someone tries to be a smart-ass about horror (Randy type of person) and he's just like, proving that they're wrong. My boy knows his movies. This is already a long ass reply but we're almost done. It's so cool that you're into horror as well, it's nice to see that people who like Scream are also interested in horror overall. I'm not into true crime in "that way" but i always liked to listen to true crime podcasts and similar stuff because i find some cases interesting. I've seen many movies based on real events and real serial killers, (some bad, some really good) and a few documentaries. Thanks for the asks again, it's fun to ramble since i don't have many chances to ramble this much about this whole thing :)

[cloud-hc]

Cloud acts the way he does towards people for several reasons, from being an insecure child who didn’t know how to cope with these feelings of insecurity, so they manifested into toxic jealousy ie. beating up tifa’s friends OF WHICH, in absolutely NO media i’ve found, were those boys ever demonstrated to ever bully Cloud or exclude him intentionally. There is no evidence outside of Cloud’s own narrative, which we know is unreliable, even to himself, that he was left out on purpose. 

The novel talks about Cloud being a “strange and dangerous kid” ( which, honestly, poor Cloud; he’s a kid who clearly needs help with something ) and Tifa, who’s memory I would bet on is more clear than Cloud’s own, comments either “You’ve always been in ifghts every since you were little // When you were little you used to get into fights at the drop of a hat.”

Then Tifa gets hurt of which, depending on the media, Cloud takes blame for completely and allows himself to be berated and yelled at and banned from seeing Tifa again - just so she doesn’t get in trouble for climbing the mountain, or he’s just blamed regardless and that’s one beginning of his anger problems. You take a kid who already struggled socializing, already was insecure, already had such a low opinion of himself that he developed a superiority complex to compensate ( leaving him to believe he’s alone BY CHOICE because the other kids are too stupid anyway ) - then you blame that child for a fucking accident that was completely outside of his control.

Whatever self-esteem he had? Fucking crushed. Then he starts to believe it’s his fault - if he did this, if he didn’t do that, what if he stopped her sooner, what if he got an adult- and then he blames himself - he’s too weak. he can’t help anyone. and to boot, he lost the only other kid he was friends with in the entire town. From the time he was nine years old - NINE, until he was 14 where he met Zack - he didn’t have another friend. Imagine what the fuck that does to someone’s self worth and social abilities to be that isolated in an already isolated small town where people, adults, think you’re weird, some of them now hate you and think you’re a dangerous and bad influence - like seriously, the adults are worse on cloud than the fellow kids ever were shown to be.

He’s so incredibly, painfully lonely, and he hates it. IMO ; that’s one big factor of why he wants to go into SOLDIER; if he’s a hero, people will like him and respect him. It’ll also make him physically strong so if something bad DOES happen again, he can stop it this time. He wants the glory of SOLDIER ; it’s a child-like dream to compensate for all that loneliness to be adored by the public and adored by people you want to notice you. 

But at the same time when friendship is offered.. it’s rejected. And rejected. And rejected and rejected. The one thing he wants so badly that he’s been denied either by his own unintentional self-destruction or by the circumstances of his life and the adults that were not there to support a disturbed child who needed help and attention and care - he acts like he doesn’t want anything to do with it. I think it unnerves him. He acts like he’s hot shit but under all that is a mountain of self-loathing. Why would anyone want to be friends with him? What are they REALLY after? What the hell do they want? It’s annoying, it’s suspicious, and he absolutely DOES not trust anyone coming close to him with their hand extended.

Friendship, comradery, relationships, basic human connection - that’s alien to him. He can want it all day long until the cows come home but when the opportunity for it rises up, he turns away from it. He doesn’t trust it, and he doesn’t feel WORTHY of it. He isn’t good enough to be close to people - all he does is make lives worse and put people in danger. He’s better off alone, where at least the damage done is contained to only himself.

[sehnsuchts-trunken]

top gun masterlist

top gun blurbs

⭑ is for strong allusions to smut † is for actual smut ▸ is for a little bit of angst    the rest is just pure fluff!!

Jake “Hangman” Seresin

there's also my dbf!jake seresin masterlist for anyone interested

† Twenty-Five Going on Forty-Seven - Flirting with the guy who fixed your car turns out to lead to much, much more when you find out he's actually not just some random guy, but your new neighbour and father's new best friend, Jake Seresin.

† What Happens in Cars, Stays in Cars - After a month-long deployment, Jake is finally coming back home. Well, not home home. You're too desperate to wait until you've actually got him home. But who needs home when there's a perfectly good car anyway?

⭑ Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy - It’s Halloween at the Hard Deck and Jake is letting out the Texan in him. You find out that you may have a thing for cowboys - or perhaps just for Jake Seresin as a cowboy. Either way, the evening takes a turn.

▸ Same Old Truck - It’s been fifteen years since you last saw Jake Seresin. Back then, you were head over heels in love with him. Now you aren’t much better off. The only question: If it ended back then, how can you be sure it’ll last now?

⭑ Jake Seresin and the Unfortunate Hat Situation - You’re visiting Jake’s family in Texas for the first time and so far, it’s been going well. Just that Jake may have forgotten to mention the hat rule.

Blondie Fancy-Pants - You meet Jake at the Hard Deck for the very first time. Or maybe not the very first time after all. But who says first impressions can’t be disproven?

Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw 

Tuesday Night - It’s a random Tuesday night. Only that Rooster has wholly and absolutely charmed you.

⭑ Not a Coincidence - It’s not a coincidence that you turn up at the Hard Deck for a beach day. It’s not a coincidence either that you end up inside the bar all alone with Rooster. And after what happened on Tuesday, well...

† Rooster at 5, Bradley at Night -  You've been hooking up with Bradley for three weeks now. You're also hooking up with him tonight.

⭑ Take Me on a Joyride -  After two months of successfully sneaking around with Bradley, things finally kick off.

The Jacuzzi Incident - You spend your Christmas holidays with the squad in your uncle's cabin and sharing the jacuzzi with Bradley ends steamy in more than one way.

Oh No, There’s Only One Bed - The hotel is all booked out and now you have to share a room with Bradley Bradshaw. Worse, you have to share a bed.

Oh No, There's an Arm Around My Waist - You wake up in the same bed as Bradley Bradshaw. That's it. Or is it?

A Wedding to Remember and a Proposal to Come - You’re Penny’s maid of honour. Bradley is Mav’s best man. And after planning this perfect wedding, you’re thinking about your future with him.

† Great Balls of Fire - It’s been four months since you last saw Bradley Bradshaw. Today's the day he finally comes back from his mission and you have more than one ace up your sleeve to surprise him with.

Robert “Bob” Floyd 

⭑ I’ve Always Wondered If Your Glasses Would Look Good On Me - It’s a slow Sunday morning and you get to live out a fantasy you’ve had for quite a while now.

Tom “Iceman” Kazansky

Ice Ice Baby (Series, unfinished) - You need a fake date to your friend’s wedding. Who better to ask than your coworker Ice, who you may have developed a little bit of a crush on?

True or False - After months of flirting, finally things kick off when Ice suggest playing a round of “True or False”.

all of these are x reader!!

and again: there’s also my top gun blurbs and the dbf!jake seresin masterlist

[rggie]

second-years as school crushes

characters: azul, ruggie, riddle, silver

summary: as title states, the boys as school/college crushes… inspired by some real crushes i’ve had

cw: gn!reader, sfw, fluff, unedited. modern!au. 1k+ words

azul ashengrotto

the academic rival. he always had to have the higher grade, even if it was by a single percent. you got 98% on your last exam? you can’t celebrate, because azul got 100%

your teachers are always poking fun at your academic rivalry. they ship you. “stop flirting!” “we aren’t sir, this is simply a heated argument between intellectuals!!!!”

the whole class know about it too. the incessant comments after either of you raise a hand, the shared looks across the classroom...everyone rolls their eyes when you’re against each other in a debate because it’s likely the lesson will go overtime.

it irritates you how you cannot best him in anything, and how he still flashes you that same annoyingly charming smile each time you clash. you’re just waiting for the moment where you finally outclass him… and you do. except it doesn’t feel as rewarding you hoped it would feel.

you’re both in different gym / p.e classes, but your teachers decide it’d be a fun activity to get both groups together for a game of cricket.

strangely, azul was quiet. he didn’t greet with you a snide remark. he didn’t spare you a single glance. instead, he stayed huddled in the corner of the field, scratching at his arm anxiously. you can’t help but wonder what’s wrong. not that you’re worrying about him

after a failed attempt of bargaining with a stubborn teammate, azul had to bat. you were pitching, so you were against each other as usual.

you’ve never seen someone fail at hitting so badly. everyone is laughing and the gymbros are yelling at him to run, so he does, but it’s honestly more like stumbling, and oh. he’s running in the wrong direction. towards you.

his cheeks are flushed beet red (due to embarrassment or breathlessness, you didn’t know) he doesn’t ever meet your eyes properly again. he stops teasing you, too.

is it wrong that you miss it?

ruggie bucchi

food hogger. this guy always, without fail has some sort of food on him. you see him in the morning? toast in his mouth. midday? two donuts. even in class, he’s snacking, not even trying to hide how obvious it is with the loud smack of his lips and happy hums right in your ear.

it’s worse because he sits right next to you, and he doesn’t even offer to share. this boy is greedy, teasing you and taunting you by waving a chocolate bar in your face only to open it and plop it into his own mouth with a cackle.

at lunchtime, you’ll see him skipping the line using the excuse that he’s friends with some popular third-year. you’ll be seconds away from getting the last cookie and all of a sudden ruggie swoops in, claiming that this friend of his wants it. (if that was true, why did you see him eating it minutes later?)

as annoying as he is though, sometimes—and only sometimes!—he’s alright. when there’s days you’re feeling down, or when you don’t do well on a test, you’ll find a snack in your seat. the same treat you know he buys. it’s a silent way of comforting you without outwardly saying it. he likes you because you don’t snitch on him, and you like him because he’s funny, despite his loud chewing.

sadly, he’s just too busy for anything real to develop. you don’t know what he does in his free time, but he’s always running around. you suppose it’s none of your business, and before you can ask anyway, you’re assigned a new seat-mate.

riddle rosehearts

goodie-two-shoes. you’ve never seen someone who’s as much as a stickler for the rules as he is.

now you’re not necessarily a bad student, but this guy makes you feel as though you are. if you’re chewing gum in class, beware. don’t let riddle catch you otherwise you’re taking a trip to the trash can before he can raise his hand and tell on you.

he’s not only a snitch, but also thinks he’s right all the time. you feel a headache coming on with all his yammering.

he reminds the teachers about homework, even when he knows you haven’t done it. and then blames it on your incapability to manage time well.

the one time he forgets his homework, you almost want to tell on him, but he looks so pitiful you can’t. he’s on the verge of tears, talking about ‘handing himself in’ as though he were a criminal. you sigh and tell him he can copy.

at first, he refuses, but as the day drawls on he finds you at lunch and sits next to you for your answers. everyone is surprised at his actions, and he seems surprised at himself too, a constant pink tint all over his cheeks. you have to actually teach him how to copy properly: “no, don’t copy this word for word. and yes, i promise this is correct.”

you can tell how guilty he feels and reassure him that it seriously isn’t the end of the world. the next morning, you find your favourite drink on your table. his behaviour becomes more mellow with you after that. he scolds you lightly, tutting quietly when having to fix your collar. he’s almost sweet—

but he’s still a snitch.

silver

you’re certain he could sleep anywhere.

the first time you met, he was in a deep slumber, lightly snoring with his head planted in a study guide. afraid he’d get caught, you start placing a book in front of him to cover the fact he’s sleeping from the teacher. it ends up becoming part of your routine.

you’re not sure he even notices you’ve been doing it, but you don’t mind. silver is super sweet, always collecting worksheets for you and putting it on your desk, saving you the trip, or offering you snacks in class when you’re hungry. he smells of comforter and fresh laundry—honestly, his presence alone makes you feel lethargic yourself.

you muster up enough courage up to ask if he’s getting enough sleep. you’d be more than happy to help him out, recommending coffee or melatonin gummies, but he tells you it’s just something he’s always dealt with, that frustratingly will not go away.

you now try to make sure he doesn’t fall asleep in class, conversing with him more or poking him gently with your pen. for that he’s grateful, being sure to return the gesture when you’re tired. (but if you’re super exhausted, he’ll let you sleep, making sure you’re as comfortable as you can be.)

some mornings, he even buys you a warm drink alongside his coffee… well, it wouldn’t be for you if silver had remembered to give it to the person he had intended it for, the name malleus draconia scrawled across the cup, printed very clearly.

you have no idea who malleus draconia is, but you hope he doesn’t mind you stealing his latte & his silver-haired friend for a while.

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