#even with their personalities edited a bit

[dianawinchester03]

₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊ epilogue | leave it to me ₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

the finale is here!! bittersweet moment for me, i hope it’s the same for everyone. ENJOY!! <3

word count: 4092 words

warnings: light smut

•Spring 2011

Dean was pacing back and forth in his office, a scowl on his face as he talked on the phone with one of the wedding vendors. "No, no, no, you don't understand," he said in a frustrated voice. "I need the flowers to be a specific shade of lavender, not mauve."

He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, the stress of the wedding planning clearly taking its toll on him. His desk had two unfinished and unopened projects on it, but he said to hell with it. He’ll be damned if his wedding day isn’t perfect. Not only for him, but his beautiful bride.

After the call, Dean sat down at his desk and let out a long exhale. The stress was starting to get to him, and he knew he had a lot more to do. He picked up his to-do list, scanning it over.

“Call the caterer to confirm the menu... Check in with the photographer... Send a list of guests to the venue... Confirm tuxedo fitting...” The list went on and on, each item seemingly more important than the last.

He ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated. It wasn’t like him to get so stressed out, but this was his wedding day. He wanted it to be perfect, for Y/N. He knew it was a lot of work, but he was determined to make it work.

Swallowing the lump of anxiety, he began to tackle his to-do list one item at a time.

Over the next several days, Dean became what could only be described as a "bridezilla." He was obsessing over every detail of the wedding, to the point where he was driving everyone around him crazy. He called the florist four times in one day to make sure the flowers were perfect.

He micromanaged the DJ to the point where the poor guy was afraid to do anything without getting Dean’s approval first. He even yelled at the tailor for having his tie crooked at the fitting session.

It was a few weeks before the wedding. Y/N was in Dean's office, watching him as he paced back and forth, on the phone with the wedding videographer.

“No, I want the video edited to look like a Hollywood movie, not a home video," Dean was saying into the phone, his voice strained. “I want it to be cinematic and perfect. Do you understand me?”

Y/N had to cover her mouth to stop herself from laughing, shaking her head in amusement at her future husband’s need for perfection.

As Dean continued his phone tirade, Y/N chuckled softly to herself. She loved how dedicated Dean was to making their wedding day perfect, but she couldn’t deny that he was going a bit overboard.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Dean hung up the phone and let out a frustrated sigh. He ran a hand through his hair, messing up his normally tidy locks. Dean finally turned to Y/N, seeing the smirk on her face.

“Go ahead, say it,” he said, half-exasperated and half-amused. “I’m a crazy person, right?” His fiancée didn’t hold back her laughter, clutching her stomach as she crumpled over in hysterics on the chair. “You-you-you said the-the v-velvet petals weren’t velvety enough!”

Dean tried to look offended, but failed miserably. A small smirk tugged at the corners of his lips as he watched Y/N laugh.

He crossed his arms across his chest, pretending to be annoyed. “Hey, hey, hey, that’s important! Imagine if someone came to our wedding and saw the petals weren’t velvety!” Y/N burst into another fit of laughter, feebly pushing herself up from the couch as she made her way over to Dean….still laughing. “Baby…” She giggled, taking his face between her hands.

Despite his best efforts to remain serious, the sound of Y/N's laughter was infectious. Unable to help himself, a smile broke out across his face.

He playfully rolled his eyes, but made no attempt to pull away from her touch. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. But don’t come crying to me when those flower petals are too scratchy when you walk down the aisle."

Y/N shook her head at him, “Honey, I love you. But lavender petals and soft chairs aren't gonna be what makes it perfect. It’s you” She said gently, wrapping her arms around his neck.

As Y/N’s words registered, the last bit of tension in Dean's body dissolved. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. Her words were a grounding force in the midst of his planning insanity. He let out a soft sigh, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

"You’re right, you know,” he murmured against her skin. "I always am” She mused, stroking his hair. "I just… I want it to be perfect," he confessed. "I want our wedding day to be the best day ever. You deserve it." A hint of insecurity in his voice.

Y/N pulled back slightly to look into his eyes. Her expression softened. “I know, honey. But don't forget, it's about us. Not the flowers, or the chairs, or the music. It's about us saying ‘I do’ to each other. That's what makes it perfect.”

He took a deep breath, letting Y/N's words sink in. She was right, of course. This was their day, not just a party. "You’re right," he said, his voice softer. "I’ve been stressing over all the small details that don—" He paused, a realization dawning on him. “Oh my god. I’m a bridezilla” Dean’s face fell.

Y/N burst into laughter again, tears springing to her eyes. The horror on her fiancé’s face was the icing on the cake. "I mean, now that you mention it…” She teased, not bothering to hide her amusement. "You kind of are. But it's okay. Your cute bridezilla tendencies are just a part of your charm"

Despite the humor, Dean still looked mortified at Y/N’s words. “God, I’m losing my mind over here,” he muttered, burying his face in his hands.

Y/N reached out, gently pulling his hands away so she could look at him again. She bit her lower lip, trying to keep a straight face. "Hey, come on now. You’re not losing your mind. You're just showing how much you care.”

“Let me show you how much I care,” She added in a suggestive tone, gently pushing him onto the couch. He fell back onto the couch with a soft 'oompf’, his eyes widening at the unexpected push. Before he could protest, Y/N was straddling him, a sly smile on her face.

His hands instinctively went to her waist, his fingers gripping her hips. "Oh really?" He said, an eyebrow raised. "And how, exactly, are you planning on showing me?"

“It’ll start like this…” She responded in a low tone, leaning downwards to place a small kiss on his jaw.

A shiver went through him at the feel of her lips on his skin. His grip on her hips tightened a fraction. “Mm.” He hummed, leaning his head back further to give her more access. “And what after that?”

He was enjoying her boldness and how she took control, his eyes darkening with desire. She bit her lip at his question. Her lips moved further down, nipping and sucking gently at the skin of his neck. One of her hands came up to rake through his hair.

"You'll see," she whispered in his ear, her breath hot against his skin. "But let's just say, by the time I'm done with you, you'll definitely forget about the goddamn flower petals"

He let out a low moan at her words, his body responding to her touch. One of his hands traveled up her back before Y/N made her way downwards again, settling on her knees in front of him.

She looked up at him through her eyelashes as she began undoing his belt. "You don't mind, do you?" She asked, her voice sultry and low.

He shook his head, his eyes locked on hers. He couldn’t speak even if he tried; his throat was suddenly very dry. He watched her every move, anticipation coiling tight in his gut. “Woman, you are my god given solace” He groaned, throwing his head back.

Monaco, Monte Carlo

•June 12th, 2011

The wedding was held in a beautiful outdoor venue, surrounded by lush green trees and a crystal blue lake. The sun was shining bright, the sky a clear blue without a single cloud in sight. The venue had been decorated with beautiful flowers and elegant white ribbons. A wooden arch stood at the front, covered in more flowers, where the wedding would take place.

Guests were seated in white wooden chairs, all facing the arch. Soft music played in the background, adding to the romantic atmosphere. Dean stood nervously at the altar, practically jumping on the balls of his feet while he waited for Sam and Billy to get back.

-

Y/N was currently shaking in her boots as Jo fixed her hair. "Just breathe, chick," Jo soothed, continuing to brush Y/N's hair. "You look gorgeous and Dean is probably freaking out in anticipation right now because you look so beautiful."

"I know, I know," Y/N replied, trying to calm her nerves. "But what if he changes his mind? What if he doesn't show up? What if-"

"Y/N. Stop it," Jo interrupted firmly, putting the brush down. "You and Dean are so in love it's sickening. That man is not leaving you at the altar. I can promise you that."

“Listen to her, baby” Y/N’s mom, Belinda appeared at the doorway, a tearful smile on her face as she admired the striking beauty her daughter possessed on her wedding day.

Y/N turned to see her mother standing in the doorway, and her heart jumped. Belinda was a beautiful woman, having passed on her good looks to her daughter. The older woman's eyes were glassy with unshed tears, and she smiled at Y/N with an expression full of love and pride.

"Momma," Y/N breathed, her own eyes welling up at the sight of her mother. She squealed excitedly before rushing into her mothers arms. “You made it” Y/N sniffled, trying not to cry.

Belinda embraced her daughter tightly, her own tears now streaming down her face. "Of course I made it," she replied, her voice choked with emotion. "I wouldn't miss my little girl's wedding day”

Y/N gasped, quickly pulling away. “Oh my gosh, did Billy know you were coming?” She said suspiciously, having an inkling that Billy knew her mom was coming which is why he was probably so antsy all week of the wedding.

Belinda tried to look nonchalant, but the guilty expression on her face gave her away. "I might have called him a few days ago," she admitted, trying to sound casual. "And you asked him to keep it a surprise, didn't you?" Y/N asked, putting the pieces together.

"I did," Belinda confirmed, unable to help the small smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth. "I wanted it to be a surprise for you, honey." Y/N chuckled tearfully, shaking her head.

"I can't believe you two," Y/N said, feigning annoyance, but she couldn't stay mad. She pulled her mother into another tight hug, squeezing her tight. "I love you so much, momma," she whispered.

"I love you too, baby," Belinda replied in a soft voice, rubbing her daughter’s back. She pulled back slightly, but kept her hands on Y/N's shoulders, admiring her. "Look at you, all grown up and marrying the man of your dreams."

Y/N blushed under her mother's gaze, feeling a mixture of happiness and nerves. "I don't feel grown up," she confessed. "I'm still that little girl who was afraid of the dark and needed you to tuck me in at night."

“But now you’re this strong woman, who is going to have a family of her own. You did well, y/n/n. And I might not say it much, but I am so proud of you” Belinda took her daughter's face in between her hands, the emotion seeping through her voice.

Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes again, and she reached up to wrap her hands around her mother's wrists. "You have no idea how much I needed to hear that," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. "Thank you, momma."

Just then, the door burst open and Billy and Sam came bounding in, both of them grinning like idiots. "There's the bride!" Billy exclaimed, immediately enveloping Y/N in a bear hug. "Oof!" Y/N gasped as Billy wrapped her up in a tight embrace. She patted his back affectionately, trying to catch her breath.

"Be careful, you big oaf," she scolded, not quite hiding the affection in her tone. "Sorry, sorry," Billy replied sheepishly, but he was still grinning from ear to ear as he released her.

Sam chuckled and came over to hug her next. "You look beautiful," he said, his voice warm. Y/N blushed and hugged Sam, patting his chest affectionately. "Thank Sammy," she said, feeling a little overwhelmed by all the attention. "You don't look so bad yourself," she teased, referencing his best man suit.

"Oh, this old thing?" Sam joked, smoothing down the front of his suit. "I just threw it on, no biggie."

"Yeah, whatever. I definitely didn't see you primping in the mirror for an hour this morning," Billy snorted, shooting his best friend a knowing smirk. “Oh he so was” Jo chimed in, flashing her husband a playful glare.

Sam spluttered, trying to defend himself. "Hey, I just wanted to look my best for Y/N's wedding!" he protested, but he couldn't hold back a smile.

Billy and Jo just rolled their eyes at Sam's vanity, while Y/N laughed. “Don’t mean to break up the love fest, but it’s starting” Billy interrupted, shaking the little fanny pack that was strapped to his waist. The pack was filled with flower petals, since he was the designated flower boy.

"Oh right, let's get a move on, shall we?" Y/N exclaimed, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. "Alright, let's do this," Jo said, giving Y/N's hand a squeeze. "You got this, Y/N," Sam said, patting her shoulder. "Come on, I'll walk you down the aisle," Belinda offered, linking her arm through Y/N's.

-

The outdoor wedding venue was a beautiful sight to behold. The lake glistened in the sunlight, the water a mirror reflecting the blue sky. Tall trees surrounded the area like sentinels, shading the guests from the brightness of the sun and adding beauty to the scenery. White wooden chairs were set out in neat rows, each one occupied by an excited and chattering guest.

Dean stood in front of the arch at the front, waiting patiently for his bride to appear. He was dressed in a crisp black suit, a lavender tie complementing his ensemble while all his groomsmen wore light lavender shirts with dark dress pants and a pair of suspenders, Sam and Billy included.

Sam made his way back to his position as Dean’s best man, patting the nervous groom reassuringly on his shoulder. Dean gave Sam a grateful nod, appreciating his friend, who was more a brother to him now. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for the life-changing moment ahead. He'd never felt more ready and more nervous in his entire life.

“Sammy," he said in a low voice. "I'm freakin' out here" Sam chuckled, knowing that Dean was trying to put on a brave face. "You're gonna be fine, man," he reassured, giving Dean a comforting clap on the back. “Just remember, tears. Lots of ‘em, chicks like that." Sam nudged him.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Dean grumbled, rolling his eyes, although he was grateful for Sam's lighthearted attempts to ease his nerves. "Thanks, Sammy." Sam patted his shoulder again. "Anytime, bro," Sam replied with a smile.

Meanwhile, Jo came out and took her position as Y/N’s matron of honor. Jo shot her husband a quick thumbs up. Sam took his signal, whistling to the DJ to start playing ‘Hot in Here’ by Nelly on the speakers. The song was Billy’s choice of course.

"Of course he picked this,” Sam exclaimed exasperatedly, knowing full well that Billy’s taste in music was questionable at best. Dean chuckled, shaking his head, “I’m going to kill him later.”

Billy danced his way down the aisle, throwing flower petals left and right with exaggerated hip thrusts, there wasn't a dry eye in the audience. Some guests were choking back laughter while others shook their heads with amusement.

By the time Billy reached the front of the aisle, Dean was barely holding back his own laughter. Sam clapped him on the back, still snickering, as Jo shot Billy a disapproving glare, but the grin on her face was selling her out.

"Nice job, flower boy," Dean commented jokingly, watching as Billy stumbled into position, out of breath but still grinning widely. "What? You said to add a little pizzazz to the walk," Billy retorted, trying to catch his breath. "I delivered."

The music shifted seamlessly from the Nelly song to a slower, more romantic tune. The instrumental for ‘Can’t Help Falling In Love’ by Elvis Presley filling the area. All eyes turned toward the entryway as Y/N and her mother appeared, framed by the sun's warm glow.

Dean's heart stuttered in his chest, his breath catching as he drank in the sight of Y/N walking toward him. She was an absolute vision in her white lace wedding gown, her eyes fixed on his.

With every step she took, her gown billowed around her like a cloud, the lace detail catching the sunlight in a breathtaking display. Her hair was pinned up in an elegant style, leaving her face completely on display.

Dean's mind went blank for a moment, he could barely register the cheers of approval from their guests. All he could focus on was her. As Y/N approached, her eyes met Dean's, locking on his face with an intensity that only love could create. In that moment, everything else faded away.

The guests, the setting, the music, it all melted into the background, leaving only the two of them in this shared moment of joy and anticipation. Dean's breath caught in his throat. He didn’t bother to stop the tears brewing in his eyes spill over.

“Damn it,” he muttered under his breath, his voice choked with emotion. He quickly wiped away the tears as they rolled down his cheeks, hoping to maintain some semblance of composure.

But he couldn't help it. The sight of Y/N, the only person he had ever loved like this, walking toward him in her wedding gown was more than he could handle.

Y/N could feel her heart beating in her throat as she walked down the aisle, arm in arm with her mother. Every step felt like a step closer to a whole new world with Dean.

As she got closer to the front, her eyes met his and her breath caught. His handsome face, usually so cocky and confident, was tear stained. The sight of his tears, combined with the overwhelming emotions coursing through her own body, almost made her stumble.

She tightened her grip on her mother's arm, steadying herself. It was all she could do to stop herself from breaking into tears and messing up her meticulous makeup.

Her mind was blank, all thoughts fading away as they came to a stop right in front of Dean. His eyes roamed over her, taking in every detail of her appearance. The way her hair was perfectly styled, the way the lace of her dress framed her face, the way her skin glowed in the sunlight.

Dean's breath caught again, and he had to swallow the lump in his throat before he spoke, "You're..." he began, his voice low and hoarse, "You're so beautiful."

“You don’t look too shabby yourself Mr. Smith” Y/N said breathlessly, taking his hand into hers as she stepped up the altar. Dean chuckled, the sound a mix of nerves and joy. "Glad you think so, Mrs. Smith," he replied, his thumb brushing over the back of her hand.

The priest stepped forward, his voice booming out, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today..." He began the traditional wedding ceremony, but the words faded in and out in Y/N and Dean's ears.

All they could focus on was each other. Occasionally they would catch each other's eye and exchange a knowing smile, which would only serve to make their heartbeats quicken even more.

"Do you, Y/N L/N, take this man, Dean Smith, to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The priest asked, breaking through the haze that Y/N and Dean were in.

Y/N met Dean's gaze, her heart swelling with love and certainty. "I do," she replied, her voice a little shaky but nonetheless firm. "And do you, Dean Smith, take this woman, Y/N L/N, to be your lawfully wedded wife?" The priest repeated the same question to Dean.

His response was immediate and sure, "I do," he said, his voice clear and strong. "By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride," the priest declared.

Dean didn't wait for further permission. He quickly closed the distance between them, his hands coming up to cup Y/N's face as he leaned down to kiss her.

The moment their lips met, it was like the world around them melted away. It was just them in their own little bubble of happiness. The kiss was passionate but gentle, a promise of love and commitment. Dean's hands framed her face as he deepened the kiss, pulling her body flush against his.

Jo and Sam were cheering loudly, their voices carrying over everyone else's. Jo even wolf-whistled, drawing a few chuckles from the onlookers. Billy, the flower boy that he was, was wiping tears off his face, while Belinda was also visibly emotional.

Jo and Sam were the first to start cheering, their voices loud and energetic. "Woohoo! Goooo Mr. and Mrs. Smith!!" Jo called out, clapping loudly. "Yeaahhhh Dean and Y/N!!!" Sam added, a wide grin on his face.

Billy, who was still trying to act cool despite the tears in his eyes, joined in the cheers, his voice a little shaky but still enthusiastic. "Hell yeah! That's my sister and my new brother-in-law!" he yelled out, pumping his fist in the air.

Belinda was trying to hold it together. She was dabbing at the corners of her eyes with a handkerchief, but the proud smile on her face gave her away.

The sound of the guests' cheers and applause echoed in the air as Y/N and Dean broke the kiss, their foreheads resting lightly against each other. They were a vision of happiness, the picture-perfect newlyweds.

Dean's arms encircled Y/N's waist, keeping her flush against him as they pulled away from the kiss. Their foreheads still touched, and they were both smiling so widely it's a wonder they didn't hurt themselves.

They took a moment to bask in the euphoria of the moment, the cheers and applause of their friends and family surrounding them like a warm and fuzzy blanket.

"We did it, Mrs. Smith," Dean whispered, his voice low and intimate. “Indeed, Mr. Smith” Y/N choked back tears, a small laugh leaving her throat. “Leave it to me to fall in love with my hot boss”

Dean chuckled at her familiar comment, a warm, rumbling sound that sent a wave of butterflies fluttering in her stomach. His mind going back to the first time they had sex and the day he proposed.

"Leave it to me to fall in love with my gorgeous secretary," he retorted, his arms tightening around her waist, pulling her even closer.

Authors Note: And with that, Leave It To Me Verse has come to a quick and sweet end🥹 I know it was short and rushed but it was honestly just a little palette cleanser to me so I hope everyone enjoyed!!!❤️❤️

Till another short series again haha.

Xoxo

[4dkellysworld]

Signs of Progress

The below is the result of a conversation I had with ChatGPT which I edited a bit. I thought it was great and might be useful to some so wanted to share it here. These are some signs that you've made progress on this path (it expands on what Lester talks about). I think it paints a pretty good picture of what it looks like when one has progressed on this path and can be helpful to check in with yourself and your practices (although do this from a place of peace and freedom, not from ego!).

Detachment from Ego and Self-Identification

Dissolving of Personal Story: The story of “me” becomes less dominant in your thoughts. You stop identifying with past experiences, achievements, or failures, and see them as events that happened to the body-mind but not to your true self. The constant narrative of “who you are” loses its significance.

Decreased Ego Involvement: Ego-driven thoughts like “I need to prove myself” or “I must protect my image” become rare. You no longer feel the need to build an identity through actions, achievements, or relationships. When ego-driven desires arise, you notice them and let them pass without identifying with them.

Ongoing Release of Ego Concepts: You have let go of many ego-driven thoughts, beliefs, and past conditioning, recognizing them as not truly you. You can recognize when egoic thoughts or reactions arise, but instead of getting pulled into them, you watch them like passing clouds. As ego concepts arise, you continue to observe them without attachment, understanding that these are just passing mental phenomena rather than aspects of your true self. There’s a growing distance between these thoughts and your awareness, which makes it easier to remain non-identified. This ongoing process of recognizing and releasing these patterns helps you stay detached from the ego and reinforces your non-identification with it.

Not Labelling or Adding Meaning: You no longer define, label or attach significance, meaning, stories or judgments to life and its experiences—everything is seen as simply neutral. You perceive events and sensations without categorizing them as good or bad, right or wrong, this or that. This allows you to maintain a neutral and clear awareness, and engage with life directly and openly, free from the distortions of personal judgments and biases. By not attaching any meaning, you allow each moment to be experienced in its pure form.

Indifference and Non-Resistance

Emotional Detachment: You find yourself emotionally neutral, regardless of circumstances. Feelings may arise, but they pass through without sticking to you, without your involvement. This doesn’t mean apathy, but rather that you aren’t emotionally swayed by external events or your own thoughts. There’s an inner stability that isn’t disrupted by the ups and downs of life.

Consistent Indifference to Externals: You are consistently indifferent to the world’s events. This doesn’t mean you don’t care, but that the happenings of the external world don’t disturb your inner peace regardless of what happens. You watch them with detachment, knowing that they don’t define you.

Non-Resistance to Pain or Discomfort: Physical or emotional discomfort is less likely to throw you into resistance or avoidance. You recognize that pain is a passing experience, not something to be attached to or defined by, allowing you to experience it without adding suffering through mental resistance.

Presence and Flow

Living in the Now: You spend far less time in your mind thinking about the past or future. Being present in the moment becomes your default state. The mind quiets down, and you’re more present in the here and now, with fewer distractions pulling you away from the present. You find a natural ease in maintaining a calm, unobtrusive mental state.

Openness to Life’s Flow: You stop resisting life’s natural rhythm. There’s an acceptance that whatever happens is part of a greater unfolding. You trust the process, even when it doesn’t align with your preferences. You are open and allow whatever may happen, even when it brings discomfort, because you’re no longer attached to how things “should” be.

Effortlessness in Action: There’s a shift where actions become more effortless, as though life is flowing through you rather than you trying to push or force things to happen. You no longer feel the pressure of “making things happen” but instead act naturally in each moment as needed, without the stress of outcome-based thinking.

Fresh Innocence and Curiosity: You approach life with a child-like sense of curiosity, exploring experiences with wonder and without preconceived judgments. You see life with a sense of innocence and an open and fresh perspective, allowing experiences to unfold without attaching meaning or being affected by past beliefs, feelings or experiences. This allows you to experience each moment as it is—fresh and unfiltered. You engage with the world playfully and openly, treating each moment as a fresh discovery rather than through the lens of past conditioning.

Freedom without Expectations

Freedom from Expectations: You let go of expectations, both from yourself and others. Instead of being driven by future outcomes or the desire for things to go a certain way, you’re more focused on simply being and allowing life to unfold. "Your" actions are more about allowing the flow of life to happen as it does rather than controlling or predicting it.

A Growing Sense of Freedom: There’s an expanding sense of freedom, not tied to circumstances, but coming from the inner realization that you are not bound by the mind, ego, or external world. This freedom is quiet but profound, where life’s pressures and demands lose their hold over you.

Acceptance of Impermanence: You come to deeply understand that everything in the external world is transient. Rather than clinging to experiences, objects, or people, you accept that everything is in constant change. You stop resisting this fact, which results in less struggle and more inner peace.

Joy and Connection

Spontaneous Joy or Contentment: As identification decreases, you might notice a natural sense of joy, peace, or contentment arising, not because of any external reason, but simply because you’re no longer entangled with ego. This joy is subtle and doesn’t depend on outer conditions; it’s a result of being at ease with what is.

Deeper Connection to Others and Nature: As ego identification fades, you may feel a deeper sense of connection to others, not from needing validation, but from genuine compassion and empathy. You might also feel more connected to nature as the boundaries between "you" and the world soften.

Synchronicity and Harmony

Synchronicity and Flow: As you detach from controlling life and the mind, you may notice an increase in synchronicities—meaningful coincidences that feel as though life is guiding you. Life unfolds in a way that feels more harmonious, and things “just happen” without you trying to force them.

[stephaniebrownslover]

[Kieran Valentine Backstory Headcanons—Part 1/?]

Timeline: Him becaming a vampire and his first days as one

Okay so I was thinking about Valentine's backstory before everything, and I saw someone saying he was a war veteran (?) but when I searched for it, I couldn't find it anywhere.

So. I kindaaaa designed my own headcanon backstory for him and I swear I wasn't planning to add this much angst. (if I'm not exaggerating, this one is a bit angsty)

Anyways, this is suck and so OOC and I hateeeeee it.

Edit: omggggg why this shit is pure angst I HATE it, I wanted to make hurt/comfort with some cute moments, not hurt/no comfort and this took so that I couldn't add anything nice in it and this sucks:(((

Trigger Warnings: blood, manipulation, mention of death, self-hatred, general vampire themes

Note:

Monster High wiki says this about vampires

It also says this about Valentine

So I like to think he doesn't drink blood, that's why his eyes are pink :3

How he became a vampire

Valentine hated vampires with a burning passion. His father, who was his role model, who he wanted to be just like him when he grew up, died during a brutal attack by a vampire in hunger crisis when he was just 10 years old. Little Valentine, who witnessed this with his own eyes, hated vampires.

Until he turned 17, he began to kill vampires, who stole his life from him, by his own capabilites. Although he was still very young, he was hunting vampires without caring about what would happen to himself, thanks to his heart burning with hatred.

Of course, he wasn't as good at this as an adult, he couldn't even get close, but back then, Valentine's name was easily heard at the vampire council, since no one dared to do what would happen to them after killing a vampire. Most people didn't know the existince of vampires, and the ones who knee, were feared of them.

Stoker, who was assigned to take care of this business personally, decided to pay a visit to this novice hunter.

Completely headcanon: In order for a person to turn into a vampire, vampire blood must be mixed with their own blood.

There was a fight that lasted quite a short time, in which Valentine was deadly wounded. Stoker dropped his guard when he was about to suck the blood of Valentine, who was on the verge of death. Stoker had underestimated Valentine's hate too much.

Stoker's blood dripped on Valentine, who stabbed his sword into him just as the vampire's teeth were about to touch his neck. And Valentine, who does not know how people turn into vampires, was unaware that the vampire blood smeared on his open wounds would change his life forever.

He had turned into something he hated. He had become a terrible monster that he would have preferred to die a thousand times rather than to live as one.

He hated himself. He hated that his wounds healed so quickly, he hated some of his teeth fell out and new ones came out instead, he hated that his vision was getting better and better. He hated, hated, hated it.

But more importantly, he was afraid of himself.

Valentine, who started sobbing, did not know what to do. He was frozen. He had reached his hands to his teeth, trying to make sense of what was happening. But he couldn't even think of anything.

Valentine, who accidentally turned into a vampire, did not know what to do, he was in such a scared state that Stoker decided to show mercy for the first time in the hundreds of years he has lived and will live. The main reason for this was that he was quite impressed by Valentine's stubbornness.

However, of course, the older vampire would not deign to be nice to someone who did not have his own interests for no reason.

Stoker had agreed to take the young one between his poisoned arms in order to make him his henchman, who was charged with doing his own work. And there was no need for the boy who was standing in front of Stoker's, and disgusted with himself to know about it.

When Stoker bent down and held out his hand to him, Valentine looked at the gloved hand that was standing in front of him in tears. He did not know what he was supposed to do. He didn't know what was the right decision. Time had stopped for him, and it would never flow the same way again. At least, for him.

Stoker said a few sentences to convince him. But when he saw that Valentine was still looking at him with the same confused and undecided gaze, he was sure what he should say.

He told Valentine that he no longer had a place among people. He talked about how everyone would mention Valentine's name with pure hatred and not daring to approach him out of fear.

And he didn't forget to add that no matter how hard Valentine tried, he would always be subject to prejudice. The person who told him this was Stoker himself. Valentine could never be a part of society again.

As the tears that were slowly flowing from Valentine's eyes accelerated, Stoker knew that he had put his finger on the right point. He also talked about how Valentine didn't have to live like this.

If Valentine came with Stoker, he would be accepted among other vampires. No one would judge hin and hate him just because he was a strong creature. He would be free. And more importantly, he could be himself without being exposed to fearful eyes.

Valentine took the hand extended to him. And as he walked slowly towards Stoker's vehicle ahead, he left his old life behind along with his soul.

It was not going to be easy for him to adjust to his new life. He didn't know what kind of life awaited him when he got into a luxury car that he had never even dreamed of before.

At least he wasn't crying anymore, instead, hhe was just watching out of the window with curious eyes that they hadn't managed to take away from him. He was surprisingly calm as he watched his house, which he could never return to, disappear from sight every second.

The inside of the car was quiet, too quiet. The vampire, who had radically changed Valentine's life, gave his attention only to the book in his hand. Although he seemed to be paying no attention to his surroundings, Valentine knew Stoker could prevent him from making the slightest escape move. Valentine knew this because he could do the same thing himself now. His reflexes were highly developed compared to before.

When he entered the Council building for the first time, he felt some vampires' contemptuous, some vampires' curious, and others' only pity-filled stares on him. For the first time in his life, he had become the very centre of attention and strangely, he liked this.

Stoker took him to a room, and then said he could stay here until he was done and then they could go home.

So, Valentine did as what he was told until he learned every little detail in the room. And when there was nothing left that interested him, he decided to tour the council building.

He didn't expect to see the vampire who brought him here just as he opened the door. When they got into the car again, there was silence again, but this time it was the kind of silence that was uncomfortable for any type of creature.

Valentine had given all his attention to the road, which he could still see even though it was quite dark. That's why what Stoker said caught him off guard.

They also turned his mother into a vampire. Vampires cared about traditions, and being connected to each other was one of those traditions. Besides, their population had already decreased quite a lot and they needed new nobles. Of course, they couldn't make everyone they see a vampire, but they could turn a vampire's close family member who was still alive.

Valentine said nothing, he only blamed himself. His mother's life had been ruined by his own stupid stubbornness. Ruining the lives of everyone who was near him was probably the only thing he was good at.

They didn't speak at all the rest of the way.

Learning how to get fed

When Valentine first arrived, he was bombarded with intense teaching sessions. Vampires were noble and elegant creatures, so it was more important than anything that he received a proper education.

Fortunately, thanks to his sharp intelligence, he was able to understand his lessons quickly. In fact, he was learning so fast that if he continued like this, he might even go to the Vampire Academy next year.

Meanwhile, things weren't that decent between him and his mother. It wasn't good, but at least it wasn't bad. His mother wasn't angry at him or anything, she even thanked him for saving her life.

There was just something that Valentine couldn't quite put his finger on it. She was distant. She was cold, and it was as if she wasn't there even when she was with him. What had happened to his old loving mother?

His skin was cold. His skin was as cold as a dead person's and his heart wasn't beating. He couldn't see himself in the mirror. He couldn't even go out into the sunlight without taking the necessary precautions. And he didn't like it at all.

He could have been richer than ever before, he could have had more books than he would ever get in his whole life despite his dreams, and he could have even gotten a great education, but it was all just a sweet illusion.

Still, he thought that if he kept acting, one day all this wouldn't hurt so much anymore. If he never took off the mask on his face, he could forget who he was and integrate with the mask. That's what he should have done anyway, just like his mother.

He easily adopted the aristocratic clothing style of that period. The only thing that made him feel like the person he was was his clothes, which were extravagantly stylish and perfectly groomed. Moreover, many vampires also liked the style he had. He could even communicate with them if he felt ready. At least, this could have helped him feel like he belonged somewhere a few years earlier.

After about a month had passed, everything had started to go well for him. He felt that he was getting used to being a vampire, and he was scared crazy about it. But he was learning to drown his fears.

Gradually, he also began to get rid of his timid and helpless personality. He knew he was not the weak boy he had been the day he first came to Stoker's castle. He was trying to learn something new whenever he had the opportunity. He had a really curious personality, the kind of curiosity that would put him in danger.

He might have started acting like a vampire, but there was one thing he could never do. Valentine refused to drink blood.

Strangely, he believed that if he started drinking blood, he would never be himself again. And since that's what he really wanted anyway, he should have been able to drink blood. He didn't realize that he was lying to himself.

(it's a ridiculous headcanon because I don't exactly know how emotional vampires born)

Valentine, unlike his mother, had become an emotional vampire. Stoker attributed the reason for this to the intense emotions he felt before and after becoming a vampire.

Because he hadn't been fed in any way for the last month since he arrived, or used anything to support his iron needs, he had started to lose strength more and more.

He had huge eyebags that were growing day by day, his skin had taken on a too pale tone even for a vampire. He couldn't use his powers, he couldn't go out in the sun despite all the precauiton items he used. He felt so tired most of the time.

He was desperate, he felt weaker than ever, and he never once thought about drinking blood. However, since he was an emotional vampire, what he really needed were emotions. Blood would only give him energy. If he wanted to be strong, he had to feed on emotions.

In fact, Valentine didn't actually make up the information that he had to break a heart to be strong on his own. The person who told him this was Stoker himself.

Valentine's refusal to drink blood in defiance of vampire traditions was getting on Stoker's nerves. And that's why he believed that if he led Valentine to a rather difficult way of eating, he would have no choice but to drink blood. He also used hatred because it was the most intense emotion that the young vampire felt.

According to Stoker, Valentine was a vampire who fed on hatred because of his previous life, and he needed people's hate to be strong.

Valentine, who was still very new to it and was suffering from a lack of strength caused by not eating anything, asked how to do it. He had been hungry for so long that he no longer cared about opposing his own personality as long as no blood included.

Stoker said the first thing that came to his mind, who could be more hateful than a girl whose heart was broken into a thousand pieces by her darling love?

And Valentine believed it. Moreover, for hundreds of years, he continued because no one even cared to offer him another option.

After the first heart he broke, he gained the ability of hypnosis thanks to his vampire powers. It was actually quite an ironic situation. He had acquired the ability to make people love him by making them hate himself.

When Stoker saw that despite all the hearts he had broken, the stubborn vampire still insisted on not drinking blood. That's why he gave up on his goal.

He was looking with disgust at the iron supporters who entered his castle for the first time because of Valentine. Although feeding on emotions restored Valentine's strength, he still needed more blood or iron supporters for some features, such as being able to go out in the sun.

After Valentine learned to eat, he had only one thing left in front of him; getting used to his new life.

And Valentine still hated vampires with passion.

..................................................................................

Bro listens Malice Mizer because I say so(I'll say this in my every Valentine writing)

SOMEONE TAKE THE WORDS AWAY FROM ME WHY DID I WRITE THIS I HATE MYSELF I WASN'T PLANNING TO MAKE HIM SO SO MISERABLE I'M SO SORRY THAT WASN'T MY INTENTION

I KNOW THIS WHOLE POST SUCKS SO HARD I KNOW AND I'M SORRY FOR STEALING YOUR TIME

I'M SORRYYYYYY I SWEAR I'LL MAKE HIM HAPPY ONE DAY IF I WON'T STOP WRITING FOR HIM AFTER THIS

I kinda want to write him with Spelldon to make this up but I know nothing about Greek Mythology, not even the basics so it would be really weird lol

[norgeant]

Thinking about indie music artist logan and drummer in big well known band lando

Yapping outside of the tags this time 😼:

- Lando watches from back stage because too many people would recognise him at the random ass music gig Logan got

- Logan refuses to get any explicit help from Lando because even though he could get sponsored/funded millions, it just wouldn't be right

- Logan plays the guitar (acoustic or electric?) and a little bit of the keyboard

- Logan doesn't usually sing in his own songs because he's too embarrassed, Lando thinks his voice is beautiful

- Logan collabs often with other small music artists because he needs a someone to sing the lyrics

- would Lando take Logan on his tours and stuff? Busy schedules so maybe they're long distance half the time too? Maybe Lando can't make it to a lot of Logan's gigs but when he does Logan becomes so much more confident

- Ugh idk who to have in Lando's band! Like, it's a got to be a rock band or something right? So maybe Daniel? Maybe maybe Max (it's just gonna end up being all of Lando's friends fr 😭)

- I'm debating whether I like the idea of norgeant being a secret relationship type thing, like obviously the public doesn't know but what if Lando's band mates don't know either??

- ^ bc if the band mates know then when Logan is at a concert/show, he'd be back stage or vip, but if they didn't know (or Logan wanted to be treated like a regular fan like everyone else) then he would be in the crowd and Lando would notice or try and find him in the sea of ppl

- there's a handful of Logan fans that swear they saw norgeant together and are a mixture of confused, amazed and shocked by it

- Guys I forgot the band needs a band name plus Lando isn't the "leader" I overthought and yet didn't think enough at the same time

- I can't just say fuck it and name it McLaren, Red Bull etc. its gotta be good! And obviously it's got to be a reference to something f1/quote/meme related because underneath it all I'm still a basic bitch

- okay throwback to when Jenson asked for Daniel's autograph , that with norgeant! Lando at the meet and greets and shit and Logan is in line and when he gets to the front they have this subtle (*cough* not subtle at all but ppl just assume it's the average flirty/passive aggressive fan *cough*) flirty/inside joke banter:

"Are you free tonight...?" ;)

"Unlucky, mate, going to some fancy restaurant with this random person"

"Wow this random person must be lucky to have a boyfriend as "nice" as you"

"Yeah, well, they'll be lucky enough to get dessert as long as they don't order any seafood"

"Do you want a good luck kiss with that wish?" :3

🦅 RAHHHHH THE NORGEANT BRAINROT ‼️

I WILL be back to edit this each time I think of smth new to add and I'll even put little dates whenever I update bc thats on being organised for once 🗣️🗣️🗣️

[iiusia]

Your little story snippet got me curious, so if you don’t mind me asking: who are Mariam and Olivia? :0 I’m so so intrigued!!

!!!!!!! you dont know how much this means 2 me i am always thinking about these guys forever and ever....

okay SO. mariam and olivia (and eli, though he appears only a bit in the snippet) r my silly little ocs (that are MAYBE adapted from a dsmp fic. shhhhhhhh they are so much more 2 me now).

mariam and eli are brother and sister and olivia is like... a really close childhood friend, pretty much a sister at this point. their story as I've developped it in my mind so far is: (under read more cause this got LONG)

they live in the same small-ish town and olivia is over at their house a LOT... like pretty much living with them, bc [nebulous part of the story that i have yet to develop but that basically keeps her dad away a lot]

at some point though that [nebulous event] comes to an end and olivia starts seeing them less and less bc frankly. her dad is not a Good Man (and all the implications that come with that)

the snippet i posted happens a few years later when olivia shows up at their door bc its the place she feels the safest in, yk?

they sort some legal stuff out, olivia starts living with them For Real

and THEN there's a whole arc that happens when she leaves 2 go to uni but thats whole other story LMAO

but yeah that's the basic idea!! now for characterization olivia is the Definition of repression. she LOVES repression its her favourite hobby... she's the type that can talk a lot and make you feel like she's not able to keep a secret until you realize that 4 all she talks she doesn't really Say Anything About Herself. she's also the type that convinces herself that since she Understands, objectively, what she's gone through and that it was wrong, she doesn't have to actually deal with it bc like. it happened. it was bad. she got out. what's more to say? surely this will have no impact on her psyche [VERY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]. (a huge part of the story after she gets to uni is about how she's terrified of people thinking that what happened was her fault to the point of distancing herself from everyone who knows about it)

mariam.... mariam is so special 2 me always... she's the oldest, the "adult" and she cares about these kids SO MUCH... it's maybe not obvious outwardly bc she's not really the demonstrative kind but she shows it in her own way. her instinct is always to be very.... business-like with it? not quite the word but basically she does her gestures quietly and without fanfare and then you find out about it like 3 weeks later and you're like oh...... she really does care a lot. but also worth mentionning she is more mature so she does know that people have different needs when it comes to knowing that they're loved so with eli she does make an effort to be more Obvious with it. she's also SO scared all the time... she's terrified that something will happen to them always but she doesn't show it because she doesn't want to freak them out :(

eli.. i know you didn't ask about him but i still will answer because hes just so perfect 2 me... he's the youngest (in the snippet i would say he's 13? maybe? haven't figured out timeline yet). he feels everything so strongly all the time he is FULL of emotions. him and olivia understand each other in a way where they dont really talk about it ever because they don't Need to (or so they think. ahem). he's also a mischevious little guy.. loves exploring and disappearing for hours at a time and almost giving mariam a heart attack. he loves so strongly it physically hurts sometimes ... my little guy :(

anyways heres another snippet for u..... in thanks

[vynnyal]

I've been having a delightful time stumbling over my emojis being used in random servers, so here's more

[fudgecake-charlie]

CHEERING AND WHOOPING I finished @applestruda's DTIYS! This took. so long.... first finished painting in over a month though so I'm very happy :D

Closeup (and a phonescreen version, this is already desktop sized!) under the cut

[golyadkin]

You ever notice a running theme in your life?

[cobaltfluff]

so i started playing persona 4

where are the QoL features

[32girassoisdevangogh]

Verbs conjugations in spanish are so specific it's not necessary to write the pronoun to indicate if it's first, second or third person.

It would eat you alive = te comería vivo.

Is a very direct translation but without "eso" (it) because is not needed.

However, it/eso generally has an objectified connotation which makes sense as Bill distances himself from the monster so Ford makes no connection.

But in spanish, since no pronoun is used, it feels more like a hint than a cover-up.

[copia]

THIRTY-ONE DAYS OF GHOST ⛧ DAY TWO

the song that made you a fan — Spillways

“This is an elegy for the darkness that most people have inside. When you have a dam, spillways are the run-offs so the dam won’t overflow. That darkness inside us needs to find its way out,” — Tobias Forge

Job 10:1 "I loathe my own life; I will give full vent to my complaint; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul."

[cringefaecompilation]

mfw orym, guy with a missing dad who fucking despises him to the point he refuses to remember his first name and notably cares deeply or is overprotective for the vast swath of his surviving all-female family members starts talking about how "important the relationships between fathers and sons" are

[humanmorph]

"This is a message to you, who listens. You must trust me, because we are friends. You just don't know it yet. "

(The Road to PARTIZAN 05 : Ech0 & dusk to midnight)

currently halfway through PARTIZAN (making my way towards palisade extremely slowly. see u guys there in a month or two) & this is to date my favourite intro Austin has done. what an great introduction to an extremely cool character

[pharawee]

—A SECRETLY LOVE · Episode 6

[a-neverending-story]

❝I have licked the fire and danced in the ashes of every bridge I ever burned. I fear no hell from you.❞ 

Cora Sophie Marren aka 𝙻𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚎 𝙼𝚘𝚒𝚛𝚊; a walking disaster ☾ ─── ⋆ 32-year-old reincarnation of a witch who roams America (and the world) in search for answers. Constantly running away from her past. In the perpetual company of shadowy women that no one can see or hear but her. She is addicted to the pleasures of life and spends most of her time in bars and clubs on the hunt for the next drink or pill that will make her forget the presence of her spirits.

21+ - MDNI!, crossover and multiverse-friendly, Smalltalk Deeptalk+Plots, mutuals only, low to semi activity, currently 𝙾𝙿𝙴𝙽 for Plotting. Crafted for but not limited to FakeVZ. ( 7 / 9 ) ⸻  CARRD

𝚊 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚍𝚢 𝚒𝚗 : ⋆ witchcraft ⋆ ghosts ⋆ jobhopping ⋆ drgs ⋆ childhood trauma ⋆ trust issues ⋆ chaos ⋆ abuse ⋆ twin-brother ⋆ violence ⋆ knives ⋆ crime ⋆ pickpocketing ⋆

[nihilismtrcit]

evie, edeline, elodie ! cas edition