#even when theyre helping they fail miserably

[existentialcrisisetcetera]

i would like to congratulate brain in hand for being utterly useless as usual

[azsazz]

💐 Dad!Az anon!!

Putting your message here so i can add a read more, but like i said earlier i don't have any words 😭😭 this is def one of the best asks ive ever gotten before and i'm so so so glad you love dad az as much as I do!!

ugh, i love and miss the babies so so much. and i love you too because this message made me feel so many things that i'm still blushing from reading this!!

yes, the kiddies will someday be developed as my OC's...i have plans :)))) 💙💙

Hi Kiers! I have returned, alas, and I have come with me and my complete brainrot. (I am crazy) Without further ado, here is everything I have to say about Daddy!Az and the rest of the Legion. Some might be complete brain rot, while the others fall in the middle or are actually (somewhat) legible literary analyses! just so you know, this is really long. i tried adding a read more button but I don't know if that's available for asks? i distinctly remember it being available... but it is what it is😔

One More: 🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦 SOME MIGHT SAY FIRST IS THE WORST BUT THIS FIRST ONESHOT TO START US OFF?? NOT THE WORST. FAR FROM IT, ACTUALLY. I don’t know if people say it enough, but I adore how you write smut. I have one emotion: 🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦

Family Dynamic: First, I love how your first thought was to go “Oh hell yeah! Daddy!Az! I should make a story about the birthorder of the children!” GOLDEN. your brain has veins with gold flowing through them. COMPLETELY and utterly ASTONISHING how they just come one after the other it’s hilarious?? im reeling😭 AND IRS SO CUTE HOW YOU INCLUDE LIKE LITTLE EXCERPTS OF DOMESTIC LIFE ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THAT’S SO ADORABLE. what gets me most, however, is the last few paragraphs. It’s like, it completely encompasses the reader’s (our) content and it’s so accurate and beautifully worded I can’t help but commend you for it. Plus, Cassian’s immediate “Oh No” gets me everytime😭😭

Keep Me Satisfied: “Going to fuck so many into you, love. A whole litter, I promise.” GET. THE. FUCK. OUT. 🫦 i literally HAVE NO WORDS?? I have no words! I literally have NO words besides the sentence “i HAVE NO WORDS”?? GOT ME FUCKED UP, GOT ME FUCKED OUT, GOT ME FUCKED???? HELLO??? HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU THE WAY YOU WRITE SPICE IS LIKE OTHERWORLDLY TYPE OF IMPRESSIVE?

Hush Little Baby: This is like throwing the first ever blanket I had as a baby straight at me. It’s so familiar, and warm, and It makes me nostalgic because I was once a baby too (weren’t we all?), and I had the same wide eyes Azriel observed in his own babe. This oneshot makes me so happy, & I can’t fully articulate it

Here’s To Tradition Kiers give us a goddamn break or a glass of water to wash down the sugar challenge FAILED MISERABLY i look at nyx, giddy, and wren and all i want to do is CRY and HOLD THEM. I CAN’T EVEN LIKE… I DON’t KNOW HOW TO….ARTICUATE…I WANT TO HOLD. they’re like so little:(((( and im :((( i :((

You Too: I love your writing so much. need I say more. if I do then uhh err rhow do I get my thoughts out what if I just sscream in text AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Can’t You See?: IM CRYINGGGG WREN:( he’s such a sweet, sweet boy and when i first started reading this series i was really excited to see how he’d grow up and it’s just. wow. seeing him so happy makes me so happy. your writing makes me so happy “The little boy even tries to show off his own shadows, “Just like my daddy’s!” He sees both Rhys and Cassian watching with their own fond smiles, silently agreeing with every loving word pouring from the little boy's mouth.” PAUSE. I NEED TO CRY

Concord: I really like how you emphasize the bat babies innocence here. Unlike their fathers, from what I remember because I find it truly hard to focus when i read and like to listen to audiobooks as an alternative, the bat babies have a more stable childhood. theyre surrounded by safe environments, and they see that their parents have these funky little markings on parts of their body and they want to have that too. they hear stories of promises and the like and they want that too. they want what the inner circle have and so they try to ensure they get it and it BACKFIRES ON THEM THEYRE SO:( I feel😞 and WRENNIE ASKING IF NYXIE AND GIDDY CAN STAY FOR SUPPER ?!!!!! I CRY.

come back: 😞😞😞i 😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞love😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞the😞😞😞😞😞😞familyness😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞icryicryicry😞😞😞😞😞😞

Burning Man: Hi! You wound me with your writing sometimes. The utter devastation I feel whenever you write angst is inexplicable! There is truly nothing like it! I did like the comfort right after though. Dad!Az you are my roman empire😞

Promise: GET THE FUCK OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT I AM GOING TO CRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY IM SORRU ITS JUST SOMETIMES WHENEVER YOU WRITE ABT THE BABIES THEY’RE LIKE SO WONDERFULLY PORTRAYED.. l CRY I CRY I CRY ITS TAKING EVERYTHING IN ME NOT TO HOLD BAZ RN

Summer Daze: I love how you give us a little peek into Mama’s relationship with the other women, Nes in particular!! i love Nes and i hold her close to my heart so this little peek made me really happy. Especially at how cute her relationship with Cas is, even if its just brushed over:((( its so cute!!!!!! And Azzy kissing Mama’s belly:( that’s so sweet and tender

Two is Better than one: I. LOVE SCENES LIKE THIS. Where a character is thanking and worshipping the person that’s giving them children, blessing them with new life—an extension of love and care; it’s just so intimate and i treasure it and you write it so well it near kills me to stop reading😭 I really really like that addition:(

Taciturn: Punchign wall.😭☹️☹️😭😞☹️😞☹️☹️😭☹️😞☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞 baz they will never make me hate u “How come knoxie doesnt cry like Malos does” HELPPPPPP☹️☹️☹️☹️ “Its okay mommy, i’ll talk for him!” can we get more baz n knox pls. pls. thats truly so sweet.

In the House love built: the way you write smut is so intimate sometimes, and it’s so loving and you encapsulate the bond between mates so well. you’re truly worthy of all the attention you’ve received on this platform

The Calm Beneath The Storm: ☹️ pleaaaase i love how the childrens bonds are so evident and well written too and i just.i just cant properly sayhow much comfort i find in series like this and i cant properly say how much comfort i find in writing like yours ure so good kiers omf

Cuddle Me In: Jax is like living tylenol in a baby im not joking . he fixes ALL my headaches. hes so adorbsicles no one speak to me at all i cry i cry i cry☹️😞☹️😞☹️ punchign. wall

The Rowdy Bunch: Azriel really knows how to man up huh god he’s so fine in rhis one miss kiers u made him sso fine

The HoneyCrisp Grove: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 ARE YOU KIDDING ME THATS SO ADORABLE

Winter Wind: I just think it’s REALLY funny that you deliver honeycrisp grove and suddenly i get hit in the face with 💥BOOM ZUZU CRYING SO HARD HER VOICE IS HOARSE 💥BOOM MAMA GETTING STABBED BY A DISTANT RELATIVE 💥BOOM “help me” WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME. do u drink your readers TEARS for breakfast (this is my way of saying this story is well written and perfect)

Sticking Together: UGHH THIS IS SO:((( I WOULD LOVE FOR AN EXTENSION ON THIS!! like just seeing the #boys and their journey throughout windhaven would be so sad but also such an exciting read?? I hope we get to see how their bond grew because of it, or how it was maintained:(( i really like this story!!

Snatched: Complete rollercoaster of emotions btw. A bunch of ups and downs and round and rounds and i came out dizzy and dazed and possibly bleeding internally. W Eris I love him in this you portray him so well🙏🙏 And also once again. BAZ AND KNOX. GOD. MAKES ME SICK TO MY STOMACH WITH WARMTH.

No tricks, Just Treats: little knox is so precious to me. like he’s just so sweet. and also i remember you mentioning in the batbabies doc that wren, gideon, and nyx had the same dynamic as rhys, cas, and az so thejr costumes are a pretty good touch:D this is the perfect amount of fluff

In Ribbons:

“Baby, baby,” he begs, raising up as far as he can, voice lined with desperation and hazel eyes wide, “I didn’t mean to–” 🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦 HELLO

Unwrapped: “Zuzu and Jax must be on waking you and your mate duty as they’re already climbing up into your bed. Your oldest daughter, ever the determined one, uses all of her strength to pull herself up onto the plush bed, only slipping once.” ZUZU GET BEHIND ME ILL PROTECT YOU 🤺🤺🤺🤺 HUZZAH shes so cute . i love zuzu so much, shes such a sweetie:(( your stories are like huge rollercoasters tbh one moment az is wrapped in ribbons and then the next the kids are fighting over presents and im here for it!! AND ALSO JAX AND AMREN & jax and rhys mention wow. god i love them i love how you put in effort to establish dynamics not only between the family but between the extended family too!?!

Into The New: I LOVE ZUZ SOOSOSOSMUCH:( she triggers fond memories of my own childhood. The way more of her dynamic with the orher members of the inner circle is expanded on in this story is so so sweet. I LOVE scenes where young characters see love blossom between people and KNOW that its love and WANT it but also at the same time i recall seeing an ask where you mentioned if Zuzu ever had a mate she’d think of herself as unworthy which … which is making me connect dots🙏 im trying to connect dots here cuz I SEE THE VISION but im trying to see the TRUE EXTENT OF THE VISION

Here for You: the Zuzu Rules Shirts?? I love Uncle Rhys😭 he’s so real for that tho. toss me one and watch me wear it with pride ??? i love the little things you add into your stories thatninclude the dynamic between characters:(( and also Zuz here being so happy and fulfilled makes ME happy and fulfilled. shes MY BABY.

Between Me & You: “This one’s for all the Jax girlies” ME🙌 JAX IS MY BOY🙏🙏 but also Baz calling Jax “J” is so corny and brother-core!!! (i dunno how else to describe it but i love it) also Bryaxis and Jax⁉️ FRIENDSHIP⁉️🙏 IM ALL FOR IT and i love how we see remnants of Jax’s journey into being able to control his power:((( i hope we get to see more of him (and Knox and baz . i love knox and baz)sometime!

The SafeGuard: IM TELLING YOU IM CONNECTING THE DOTS⁉️🙏 read:. im tripping over protective father azriel and giggling like a complete fool

Warrior Status: I. LOVE. WHEN. YOU. WRITE. SCENES. LIKE. THIS. ITS SO… IRHFJDJD LIKE WHEN YOU GO MORE IN DEPTH INTO THE LORE AND HOW NEW GEN IS HANDLING THE BLOOD RITE AND HOW THEIR PARENTS TRAIN THEM FOR IT IS MAKING ME HRISIDOOD ITS MAKING ME SO HAPPY but also wow. wow um the tension here is real. i always expect a rollercoaster of emotions whenever i read your writing and yet im blown away every time. i love baz, he seems to be capable of more than even he knows, and i hineslty hope theres more content so we cannall see how he’s faring:)

About Last Night:

“If we get caught,” Gideon defends, before adding as an afterthought, eyebrows furrowed, “And she’s not my girlfriend.” LOUDDDD INCORRECT BUZZER❌❌❌❌❌ W W W WRONGGGGG WRONG. EVERYONE KNOWS‼️ i love how giddy is the one who suggests going to autumn primarily to see his girl. it’s very cassian core to me as much as cassian himself disapproves😭 and KNOX’S LITTLE ‘im sorry’ PLEAAASEE THATS SO FUNNY

Torrential: This was actually the first story I read about the batbabies:) I was like, “oh my gosh who is Knox? I didn’t know there was a book out for next gen………… “ i was like genuinely so confuzzled. and this was like a few weeks ago. i didnt even know rhat Knox was an oc but I had, and still have a raging crush on him😞 I truly hope that you take the next gen and turn them into full fledged original characters of yours, i’d love to see them developed to their full extent especially with the teaser i get in this fic. like hello? Knox? River Keeper?? Okay I see you!! THE WAY YOU PORTRAY KNOX HERE UGHHHHHHHHHH HE’S SO LIKE UGHHHHHHHHHH UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH😡😡😡 (positive)

“His lips pull high into a wicked smile. One side curls higher than the other and it’s the first imperfect thing you’ve noticed about him, yet it still makes your breath hitch.” woo that got me. that got me good. you’re excellent

Our Souls Are Stars & Mine Is Forever Yours: kiers your BEAUTIFUL BRAIN is BRAINING again. this is my favorite scoop of content for the batbabies. Maude & Giddy are truly so adorable, and you really did a good job at sparking chemistry between them both. Maude trying to calm Gideon down, Gideon leading Maude to the famous balcony I CRY. I WEEP. HEAD IN HANDS. I WAILLLL I WAIL IN JOY IM SO? YOURE SO GOOD AT WRITING KIERS HOLY FUCK?!?! YOU NEVER FAIL TO IMPRESS ME

to my heart: ouuuuu… okay i see you kiers….i love this oneshot, it’s like really sweet but in a quiet subtle way and i love it when oneshots are like that. Knox’s banter with Malos, knox waiting for a reply… Kiers genuinely bless your heart

Undercover: Jax, Knox, Baz. you will always be the number one’s of my heart. NOW THAT THAT IS DISCLOSED CAN I PLEASE SAY I LOVE HOW YOU WRITE CHARACTERS PINING. LIKE JAX THIS WHOLE ONESHOT IS JUST “grrrrrrrrrrrrr dont you notice me?? 😡😡” and “wait nevermind its not time yet☹️😞☹️” at the last second and hes just so cute in this oneshot but i feel so bad for him (can we get the batbabies dapping eachother up to commemorate the jax and knox interaction in this fic yall!?!)

Jax uses his powers at a party: Heehehehhehehehehehehhehehehe wowwwwwwwwwwww hes like protecting her from afar heheheheh i giggled

Jax finds out Knox’s mating bond has been found out: I LOVE THE CALL BACK TO THIS IN UNDERCOVER. I want to see how the whole family reacts to Knox’s mating bond in the future, hopefully!! It’d definitely be very chaotic, especially if it’s the whole family!!

Bryaxis calls Jax a friend: “There's this boy at my school. His name is Montauk. He always gives me trouble, pushing and shoving me, calling me names…" Jax trails off, his tiny hands clenching into fists, "But I've felt his true emotions, and he's just a sad, scared little boy too."” :((( the “too” at the end im inconsolable. I want to hold each and every one of your next gen characters. pls.

Uncle Cassian’s reaction to finding out Jax wants to be friends with Bryaxis: Cassian is my spirit animal. and i LOVE the way you portray him 😭 he’s so funny i feel like he’d bark if I told him he was my spirit animal

What if Zuzu had gotten her wings clipped at the Steppes? I CRY I CRY I CRY I CRY. UGHHH how you detail Azriel’s devastation and at the same time Zuzu’s acceptance TEARS THROUGH ME. Zuzu is such a strong character and theres nothing to thank for that other than your immaculate writing skills

Zuzu Gets a Cat but it loves Azriel the Most + Wren, Baz, and Zuzu work together to try and convince their parents to get a second cat: I wholeheartedly believe wren, baz, and zuzu were probably nicknamed the triple trouble primarlt because of their tendency to pull shit like this and i LOVE it its so funny. I love your writing sm

I don’t know if you can tell, but I have an actually very secure AND VERY!! NORMAL attachment to this series. And I don’t have anyone to thank but you for writing it and writing it so beautifully; you truly have a gift and I know that it will get you a bunch of amazing opportunities in the future, or even now. I can feel how much work and effort goes into your writing, and the fact that you share it is an honor in itself and I’m so glad to have stumbled across your blog. You are an amazing writer. I look forward to reading more of your writing, not just for Daddy!Az—although I’d love for more of him—but even without him, I’d still love every piece of yours. I honestly hope the next gen characters become characters you take under your wing and develop, I would love to see more of them and they’re such interesting characters already. They’re so cool. You’re really cool too, Kiers!! I hope you don’t mind it took so long to get back to you, I was balancing cleaning my apartment and binging your writing:D I don’t regret anything. Reading your writing feels like a reward after every hard day. I hope to see more of you on my dash, Kiers!!! Keep writing, with your skills and your beautiful mind—it’ll no doubt help you in the long run. You’re really cool:)

xoxo,

-💐 (the one from about a week ago)

[kristiliqua]

im just thinking about wil’s stream today and how much it revealed abt q!wilbur’s character based off of his actions and behavior . help .

(TLDR at the end)

likeee . bro was so quick to draw conclusions , assume , and then put blame on others , despite have little to no information on literally anything abt the eggs’ disappearance . he was quick to blame everyone who was active on the server , saying that the eggs are still missing bc they “havent tried hard enough” and are just “doing nothing” , in terms of searching for them — all of which is untrue , but he says it as if its a fact anyway . even finding q!cellbit sus and not trusting him , despite knowing (again) little to nothing abt the guy , about his character and who he’s like as a person (that he cares a fuck ton abt the eggs and has been trying so hard to find any clues as to where they are) , the fact that he’s been gathering all the info he could ever since they disappeared (and before that , with other shit) . but he blames and finds him suspicious anyway .

he blames everyone else , when everything is and has been out of their control . they dont know much and Cant know much bc they know jack shit abt what could Actually be happening with the eggs . they only have theories and ideas

realistically , the thing q!wilbur should blame is ,, whoever or Whatever took the eggs away . but since he doesnt know wtf thatd be , its not as easy or assuring as it were to be if he blamed it on an actual Person or people he knows , instead of smth he doesnt know at all . its easier for his grief , to blame someone for the cause of it , to be angry and upset at someone . a physical person he can blame . and this irrational/illogical behavior is probably caused by the , yk . reasonably upset reaction that came with the bad news of his daughter being gone

plus the way he went to just ,, do it all by himself , despite the Very limited intel he had , saying that theyll never find the eggs if they just “follow the rules” (in his words) and all “do the same thing” . so he does it his own way , searching for any clues on anything , despite knowing practically nothing abt anything thats happened these past few months . even tho he knows that , logically , everyone else on the island probably has a bunch of info already , info that they could give him to help in his search (bc they all have the same goal in mind) . but instead he’s stubborn and doesnt want anybody else’s help , thinking theyre too incompetent and dont care enough abt the eggs — so he does it by himself , all up until someone reaches out to help him , rather than him asking for help himself (that someone being q!phil) . and in his attempts he ofc fails miserably , bc he Doesnt Know Anything . he has limited access to everything that could potentially be helpful (doesnt know where or what the order is and barely has any waypoints , only checking his and tallulah’s and the outside of phil’s house) , and so he’s basically working with fucking scraps . like itd literally be Impossible for him to find the eggs all by himself , he Needs the help from the others in order to make even a little bit of actual progress (so everyone thank q!phil for pulling up even after their little argument)

and logically (bc he isnt Stupid) , he probably Knows that . he knows that the others very likely care abt the eggs as much as he does (bc why would they all be gathering up for this mission thats For the eggs if they didnt .?) and have far more info than he could ever get by himself , bc he’s been gone for months and hasnt been caught up on anything of actual importance . but he was so upset and quick to blame everyone else (the mfs who could actually Help him and Know Shit) that he shut them off , going off by himself . esp after q!phil lashed out at him

anddd maybe there was a little spite or pettiness in there too , him wanting to prove that he can do it better than them , that he can get more than theyve ever gotten since they “didnt try hard enough” n all , and him finding shit out in a single day would be a huge testament to that idea . but ofc that didnt happen lmfao — he was practically playing a big guessing game with the info he had (or the lack thereof)

TLDR — i just find it interesting that q!wilbur was so quick to jump to conclusions and to push blame onto anyone and everyone he could , even tho he barely knows anyone on the island anymore . the way he went to take matters into his own hands , bc if theyre not gonna do anything abt it , then he will (,,, Not . bro was So lost)

just . what an interesting fella . what fun characterization . what a silly guy who is mourning the loss of his daughter (he is in denial)

[undyingdevotion]

reasons to live except theyre actually convincing

1. youre gonna let king charles outlive you????

2. damn youre not even gonna TRY to outlive your enemies?

3. you get NO BITCHES if youre dead.

4. some people ABSOLUTELY want you dead. live out of SPITE. make them MISERABLE by existing near them.

5. youre just gonna MISS 4/20/69?

6. somebody is gonna have to clean up your blood man...

7. you cant let trump outlive you.

8. SOMEBODY is gonna go through your phone.

9. your wattpad/ao3 account...... yikes.....

10. your family is probably gonna use you as a sympathy card.

11. you might be on the news. what if a fucking HIDEOUS photo of you is used?

12. markiplier COULD be president.

13. they dress you up in some ugly clothes.......

14. your enemies are gonna act like they liked you.

15. your money is going to your sibling or parents.

16. undeleted embarrassing posts/photos you know SOMEONE is gonna look at.

17. people will see your side profile.

18. the morticians and funeral directors are gonna see you naked.... yikes....

19. YOU WONT GET YOUR GLOW UP???????????

20. your ex is gonna find out and think you did it because of them. imagine someone thinking they have THAT MUCH power over you. nuh uh. no.

21. yknow it would be really sad to miss out on trumps downfall.

22. cant bully kids on roblox if youre dead. :(

23. that shits PERMANENT man...

24. hey you know that one song you forgot the name of? yeah, whats it called? oh yeah you wouldnt know youre DEAD.

25. you wont get to be dramatically murdered as an act of vengeance for a detective to figure out.

26. nuh uh

27. people will tell your partner “they wouldve wanted you to move on!!” or some bullshit.

28. your partners new partner…..

29. its expensive. a failed attempt will make you WISH you were successful.

30. abusers may try and convince people that you deserved to die.

31. the people who never listened to you will swear they did EVERYTHING THEY COULD to help and understand you.

32. nobody will tell your story truthfully.

33. cant get revenge on bitches if youre dead.

34. i wonder what happens in the next season of that one show youve been watching.

35. sleep is the free trial of death. juuust go do that???

36. q-tip in ear feel good.

37. you have to see if your celebrity crush will age well or not.

38. when you die, your muscles completely relax and you WILL piss/shit yourself. people you know might see that…… embarrassing….. 

39. theres no garlic bread in the afterlife.

40. you wont be able to win arguments anymore.

41. you wont get to become a milf/dilf??????

42. all that school for NOTHING.

43. you havent tried all the pasta yet. :(

44. your inside jokes will WITHER AWAY and DIE just like YOU DID.

45. you havent seen a female US president yet.

46. SO MANY PEOPLE will dig through your personal stuff and find things you do not want them to see.

47. step on crunchy leaf.

48. that OOONEEE person you havent seen in AWHILE that you have no idea what happened to.

49. youll one day be allowed to do things you arent allowed to do now and youre gonna MISS OUT ON THAT???

50. getting out of there.

51. getting that diagnosis or answer you were looking for.

52. at least youre not elon musk...?

[sweetronancer]

heyy-o random question

biggest pet peeves when it comes to ronance fics/headcanons or just any unpopular takes you might have in the fandom

(Also how’re you doing?)

hello!!!

this is kind of difficult to answer??? and i hope im answering it how like you intended it to be answered!!! ill try to be as straightforward as possible and not be awkward (i think i failed miserably)..

i read a fic where robin and nancy were like unnecessarily angry with each other and like..it didnt seem that accurate to me, although i do think theyre like both pretty passive aggressive! but theres also a few fics where the main focus is just robin, i dont mind it really but i feel like maybe nancys characters needs just a little attention as well! (nancy wheeler character study appreciation!!!)

(if thats what you meant help!!!)

also i js wanna propose the idea of transfem nancy, its just like something i like to think about sometimes. even if it isnt that accurate, and personally i dont stick with it myself a lot of the time but like! yeah i dont know 💥 im not really good with asks help- ALSO I THINK VICKIES CHARACTER IS KIND OF POINTLESS, SHE HAS LIKE 3 SCENES AND WAS PROBABLY JUST ADDED AS QUEER LOVE INTEREST AND IM TIRED OF STEDDIE FICS OVERSHADOWING RONANCE ONES!!!! OR JS STEDDIE OVERSHADOWING RONANCE IN GENERAL

also im doing pretty okay, thanks for asking :3!!! i hope youre doing okay ^^

[unexpectedbrickattack]

idk why but you reblogging that ask u did about Peppino performing for Brick reminded me, and I just NEEDED to share this silly idea but... Peppino gardening... just, like, garlic and tomato plants n stuff, it's cheaper than buying all the time, even if he's not exactly growing enough to make that much of a dent in his bills, it's about the PROCESS PEOPLE and just aekssf Peppino in his little garden tending to his little plants and some flowers, it started out as something to help with personal costs but now it's such a soothing activity it's his little zone and he tells no one about it and making a pizza with his own home grown tomatoes just hits different when he's in a real rough mood. just yeah peppino gardening...

WAUGH this is so cute omg…I cant see him growing TOO MUCH bc some veggies are so fucking delicate but garlic seems doable! Same with stuff like basil and thyme and oregano. Its not necessarily low maintenance but you dont need to constantly get expensive resources to maintain them. Maybe he uses SOME of it for his shop but i can definitely see him using most of it for his own cooking bc hes been doing it since he was young, way back when he was still living w his parents (and he just got the habit from them)

I hc him with a small house (that hes forced to use as collateral to keep the shop open) so like, he would definitely have the space to grow some other small veggies like spinach n tomatoes. With his shop failing miserably hes got Plenty of time to at least go out and make sure theyre not dying 😭 But i can see him making it look more lively postgame when hes got the proper funds to keep the shop open. Old man tending to his tiny little garden :) its mindless work really and it keeps his hands busy. When hes more used to Gus and Brick (and any company in general lbr) coming over to visit; Brick helps with gardening too; his hugeass Rat Hands can tear up at the soil way better than Peppino and his little trowel can. And w the shop doing well he can afford to take days off and even open later in the day so he has more time to himself to do other things (like tend to his tiny garden) (or maybe fucking sleep in for once)

[sbk-zgvlt]

Hello, pookie! It's ✨moi✨ again!

Anyhow... I bring to you something!

✨Spider-Man Sebek✨

Like I had him in a oneshot and I love his 'I wanna be a loner, but I keep failing at it' energy. Also I have heavy ATSV brainrot with twst flavor :'3

And I was wondering, what kind of origin story should he have... Since I kinda... Well unalived Silver as his uncle Ben moment...followed by that sweet sweet Dia miscommunication...

On the other hand... He's a dance instructor for kindergarteners(volunteer, since he's still in high school) :3

Oh you're evil

If I were to make a Spiderman Sebek, hmmm

His Uncle Ben would be his own father 😈 Something something about how Sebek is his father's son despite them not getting along due to Sebek's beliefs and Lidaeus doing his best to continue being a good father and confidant for Sebek and connect with him, something something about how a common adaptation of Spiderman shows how he doesnt get along with his Uncle Ben that much and only realizes what he's lost when he dies giggles

Wracked with grief and guilt, he leaves his hometown to move to the big city where Diasomnia are. I wont touch much on costume or powers because I suck at them lawl

This Sebek is more out of touch with Diasomnia? If that makes sense? He was definitely close to them during his childhood days, but now that he's a teenager...think of it as Diasomnia viewing Sebek in his "angsty teenager" phase lawl

They mean well, but theyre not exactly the best people to help Sebek process the grief of losing his father. Silver is the one who makes the most progress with helping Sebek though, but even then its not enough

I dont know how he'll get his powers, but I'd imagine the first week was absolutely HORRIBLE. Sebek felt like if he moved even an inch he would start throwing up. He felt cold and hot at the same time, and it just so happened to be the first day he was going to attend highschool. This is such a great first impression.

Sebek starts off doing simple things, saving a cat from a tree, helping a lady cross the street, carrying someone's groceries, etc. He doesnt really...care?? That he has these powers??? It just made him more miserable so why should he care 😭😭

Its only when Diasomnia are thrown into the mix that he starts realizing that these powers are his responsibility now

[esperr]

My thoughts on the new trolls movie (me ranting about trolls 3 for way to long)

Disclaimer: I am aware this is just a kids movie and it’s not supposed to be a cinamatic masterpiece. I am mostly just writing this for my own entertainment

I absolutely love doing these movie reviews, my first one being on the nimona move (I will link it at the bottom for anyone who is interested)

Now I will start this off by saying that I did NOT watch the 2nd trolls movie so some of the plot holes I might mention in this post could be things I missed because of that, but most of these are specific to this particular movie

The first thing I noticed are the many inconsistencies, such as when Gristle gets his eyebrow pulled off but only a second later he is shown with both eyebrows fully in-tact. Although, the main problem I have with this movie in in fact NOT the inconsistencies, so I will leave those at that.

At the begging of the movie we see branch as a baby. His family is separated and he is left with his grandmother who is eventually eaten by a Bergen. After this is the wedding scene. During this scene poppy expresses how badly she wishes she had a sister. This whole bit of dialogue just seems so forced. It’s as if the writers were trying to figure out how to make a movie centered around branch about poppy. This is where we get into the main thing I disliked about this movie: The sheer amount of side plots.

The first side plot we run into is poppy’s yearning for a sister. We then see her father grimace and it is extremely obvious right off the bat that she most definitely has one. This was definitely a VERY strange choice considering this movie is supposed to be about branch finding HIS family members. Adding poppy’s sister into the mix is just completely unnecessary and it adds nothing to the movie overall. It essentially just takes away from the main focus of the movie, confusing the viewer.

The second side plot we run into is Tiny diamond wanting to seem grown up. This is just even more unnecessary. Like it’s ok to explore different characters in a movie but REALLY? Why him out of every character? Not to mention that despite trying to “explore” his character, we learned absolutely nothing new about him. They could have instead used this time to explore branch and his brothers a bit more, but alas we are left with these bland brothers who lack personality.

Once poppy finds her sister we run into yet ANOTHER side plot. Poppy’s sister and the other trolls that live in this area are still afraid of the bergens. This honestly just felt like filler at this point as it was a conflict that was already resolved in the very first movie. It felt extremely forced and again took attention away from the actual plot.

Although this movie is about branch and his brothers most of the screentime is used up on little things that barely add anything to the movie. So much in fact that the antagonists BARELY FEEL LIKE THEYRE THERE. Like honestly I forgot they even existed because they have so little screentime. They also tried to give vaneer a redemption arc but failed miserably. They essentially just showed us that he kinda has a little bit of remorse and that’s it. ALSO NOT TO MENTION ONE OF BRANCHES BROTHERS RANDOMLY HAVING A CHILD WITH ANOTHER SPECUES WHAT WAS THAT?? he also just left his wife with all of his children and no help?? Husband of the year award definitely goes to this guy…

The very last thing I found annoying about this blue was when branches brother died and came back to life in the same 2 minutes. They didn’t even have time to shed a single tear because right away he was straight back to life. His death didn’t even matter at that point. They didn’t even have time to use some power of love and family trope because he was alive again just like that.

This brings us to our very last sideplot that did not make sense: just when you think the movie is finally over branch randomly decides to announce that he was also in another band and these random sparkly trolls walk in out of NOWHERE for NO REASON. WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS?? WHAT WAS THAT?? JUST WHY?? Why?? I CANT WCEN ?? WHAT??

When watching this movie I kept thinking to myself: why didn’t they instead use all this time to explore the brothers and backstories or give velvet and vaneer ACTUAL arcs and personalities. But alas we can’t have everything

I barely scratched the surface of how absolutely Absurd this movie was in this post, but if I all about trolls 3 for any longer I think I just might lose my mind. If you made it this far I applaud you. You are very brave

[iforgotwhaticalledthis]

You wished to discuss the school of good and evil my liege?

(Dunno where that came from srry)

slamming my fitst on table oh boy do i. Im just gonna ramble about the difference betwwn the books and the movies because it always irks me

So firstly they made Sophie so much nicer?? LIKE NO. SHES A BITCH. and we love an unapologetic bitch in this household. They cut out the whole "she's only friends with Agatha because its her Good Deed", an all the other bullshit Sophie odes to try and get into good. In the books that begining bit is so good because Sophies doing all these good actions but her narration shows like the motivation and its such a good bit of characterization. Also in the books only agatha was an outcast, making them both outcasts makes Sophie seem much more genuine but she wasn't!! Sure i think her and Agatha's friendship meant a lot to Sophie, she was still such a bitch to her!! meanwhile Agatha is completly ride or died for Sophie, even though she gets treated like shit.

Next is how the movie has no one know about the school. Like why??? people knew that shit was going on. Why the fuck would they remove it. I like that they made Lady Lesso a Reader though, i dont remember if the y did that in the books, but it was good character stuff. fleshed her out a bit more. Made the parallels to Sophie *exist* honestly.

Love in the movie how theres the big fight scene with "Toxic" playing absolutely iconic. Loveh ow in the book the wolf toutched her hair and then she fucking killed that guy. iconic of her also. in the movie they added the character that Agatha became friends with, it was goo way for the movie to show the whole deal with what happened to failed students. excpet in the book they turned into the wolf/fairy servants. and the Trial of talents or whatever its called was so good in the book. why did they delete it from the movie?

and then the whole making the wodds fight thing something special? like no those bitches go rabid and kill each other every year!! its tradition

also agatha transforming into a coackraoch and helping sophie, therefore making her top of her class, while also tryign to stay to p of her own clas?? LIKE AGATHA GIRL!! shes an icon shes a legend. And the mirror scene- oh my god. the self hatred agatha holds for herself in her heart smh.

ANd tedros. where do i begin with tedros. slightly upset he wasnt blonde. but man he is the Guy. hes got bot mommy issues AND daddy issues and Weird Wiard Grandfather? issues and he just slays mkay? hes so down bad when he realises who he actually lies, and hes a pompous ass before that.

and then they go home and agathas like wait!!! im fucking miserable here!!!! i miss tedros!!! meanwhile sophies like "yay homesweet home i cnat believe i was evil lol" and meanwhile tedros is like "woman when they love eachother <- Yes i stole that line from cantripped (but theyre actually sisters. its weird. lets not talk baout it.)

Speaking of the ending, the movie having tedros and agatha have that moment of understanding totally messes up the next book but whatever its not like they were ever gonna do a sequel.

ok thats me ranting over thanks for the ask i needed to get this out my system

[hopeheartfilia]

awww that was so cute, chrome and ryusui and senku on the hot air ballon was great

Also just. I lvoe that we gave gen currency and more people, he is really keeping this opperation together, i love my man

And I lvoe our queen Yuzuriha even more, the crafts team deserves all of our love and support and its terrible that theyll need to make sails, overall the cloth production is incredibly hard and yuzuriha always pulls through but she has some of the most work intensive tasks and i truly wish that she gets some help soon, the scuence team has chrome and old man kazeki, the craft team basically takes all the kids and elders and everyone helps but fundamentally yuzuriha is doing the work of so many people and like

I know clothes making and such is not the focus of dr stone. However i have a long standing interest in handsewing and historical dress. Please give that girl an experienced sinstress or 10. and tailors and just. more people for the crafts team please

Also who is making all the paper? Also when do they find time for ink? The dragos are red, which to be fair i expected they would be using lamp black, but theyre probably using some type of local red clay, or maybe bugs? Which is probably more time effective but also. Fake printing money is going to be SO easy that i dont think well even get to when gen attempts to do it, he simply wouldnt have to

Anyway im enjoying this era but also i feel like i dont have a sufficient timeline for all of this stuff, so im going to assume it took longer then it seemed, becausr it nakes sense honestly,

the large majority of the audience probably woulsnt have been interested in a closer look into tailoring and paper and the cloth

because like spinning fibers is a skill that takes quite a bit of practice and if you had me jsut spin hemp fibers id likely miserably fail for at least a few days, i think

But like when did they get the time to make gen cards? It was a great idea and i bet it will be usefull in the future as well, gen should absolutley have cards. maybe even guve him dice as well?

but yes Gen is scary in this special and by scary i mean that i love him and he gets to showcase how usefull it is to manipulate people when there are people to manipulate

everything is running very smoothly and its absolutely because of the people on the side of the kingdom of science, they are some truly remarkably skilled individuals that put genuine effort into working together

[habeascorpseus]

I think I'm legally required to ask your opinion on exhels

god. theres not a lot of canonical interactions between them but the one that we did get made me instantly invested. the implication that ex and hels meet on a semi-regular basis at the hels kitchen to gossip is just so. "ah, so we weren't just catching up then?" "ah, you know me- i have no time for leisure, but sometimes we can mix business and pleasure" theyre both playing like they aren't happy to see each other. its incredible. like every scene in a kids tv show where the protagonist sees their crush and tries to act chill but fails miserably. "another one of your schemes, i see?" helsknight says, affection and slight exasperation laced intricately in his tone. "you need to bring in a real evil mastermind?" helsknight says teasingly, leaning forward like hes about to offer some kind of secret or inside joke. "agh, you think you're so clever," ex responds, and its clear the inside joke is one they've treaded through for ages. theyre equals- and perhaps you could even go as far as to say partners in crime- and they interact comfortably within that dynamic. they have rhe vibes of being in a "relationship" for decades but simultaneously refuse to even admit they're friends without a thousand coy concessions that they do, in fact, not mind being near each other. they would drop everything to help the other out of a bind but when arriving at the scene spend 5 minutes gloating about the other "needing" them no matter the time constraint. it's only rough kisses or gently punching the other's knuckles with their lips for them- no softness here. but softness is relative- and everyone in hels is unanimous in believing theyre the softest guys there. basically. i have a mild brainrot when it comes to them and i would like to see them together again

[androcola]

OLD MEN TELL US ABOUT TH OLD MEN!! (ANYWHERE FROM MIDDLE AGE TO OLD OLD) HOW DO THINGS CHANGE AS THEY GET OLDER

THINGS DEFINITELY CHANGE AS THEY GET OLDER!! they definitely make friends with a lot of the younger people who visit the beach. theyre known as the resident old guys who share the old beach house and they're always seen out and about cleaning up their beach to make it comfortable and welcoming for the kids and young folks 🥺

as for them, I think as a group, they're all a little hard of hearing 😭they spent such a long time around loud amps and gigging n what not, so all day at the pad is just "huh?? HUH?? come again??? whatd you say?????? what? huh?"

they've all slowed down significantly, they can't do all the crazy stuff they did in their youth. they all move slower, especially mike, who has to walk with a cane cuz he has a bad knee. lots of grunting getting up and down. he definitely ends up with arthritis later on, and probably some minor heart issues, just because his hearts definitely been through a lot due to being in such poor health for so long

Micky can't hear much from his right ear so they're all always shouting at him, or having to move to his left side to speak to him, and he's always shouting, himself. not as quick and crazy anymore,can't jump around as much cuz he'd definitely hurt a knee or a hip.

I think mike is mentally much better by thetime he's much older, I think his depression goes into remission so he's able to get off the antidepressants, but I think he hangs onto his anxiety meds cuz anxiety still bugs him at times and can kinda get in his way. he's put his horrible past behind him and his ptsd is a lot better and barely even bugs him anymore. he probably takes lots of different other meds for pain and health stuff though. hes got one of those pill containers with the days of the week on it...he's got a little pharmacy in a bag

peters eyesight has gone and he's too afraid of contacts, so he goes in for glasses and after failing his eye exam miserably , Micky pats him on thw back like "our peter. he gets it from my side of the family"so anyway he has to get glasses. he and mike are always sitting together just to read the newspaper or just to fall asleep, having old man naps. all of them often sit around the pad sleeping

they all get up super early in the morning and get their errands all finished before the rest of the city fully wakes up, and by the afternoon they're all sitting around for a good nap 🥺

davy isn't so crazy anymore, but he's definitely a silver fox. much more well mannered, and still loves a nice date here and there,but he's not crazy like that anymore. he still loves to swim! it's good for the joints and it keeps him in shape. peter still enjoys a good workout and I think is still very nimble and flexible, definitely in much better shape the rest of the guys. he and davy love to go out and work out together. I think they all try their best to stay in shape just well enough to be able to function.tjeyre always helping eachother up and around. especially mike.

they probably have to alter that spiral staircase somehow to make things easier for them, cuz as they get older something like that can be a bit risky to get around

over all, they're all so very happy and content with eachother. theyve had their crazy moments, their tough moments, bad weeks, months, years, but now everything has slowed down and they're spending their days doing what they love with eachother. helping eachother when they need it , all that. they're happy :)

[pikaflute]

sam and max 001 :^))

smiling and giggling. this got long because of autism.

when I started shipping it if I did

i think like. legally if you play the telltale games or consume any sam and max media youre required to think they're a old married couple. it's the law. i also thought they were gay when my tumblr mutuals put sam and max gay comps and art on my dash for many years. and shoutout to that one person who put max's penis on my dashboard too.

and special shout out to my friend teddy for getting me into these games we're going to be fighting in gladiatorial combat but like we'll be kissing while we do so.

my thoughts

theyre going to hell. like for real. do you know how much time i've spent thinking about them these past two months. like. i have a 6000+ word fic still brewing, two wips of ideas that i will probably not finish, and two google docs of headcanons for them. and my THREE playlists for them. here they are btw:

general s&m playlist - he let me hit cause i'm goofy as hell

sam playlist - look at my detective dawg, he's doomed by the narrative

max playlist - UNIDENTIFIED THING! BLOW IT UP NOW!!!

i have also spent so much on those sam and max figurines and the max plush. we're all lucky i haven't found keychains or pins yet to make an itabag. joking. maybe. anyway they're very cute and special to me. i love them so much and i love the way they love. im throwing pipe bombs at them

What makes me happy about them

i love the way they love. seriously, i read the comics over the weekend and they were very funny and very cute together. that whole road trip they took together was so adorable. i also love their interactions in hit the road. the lousy golfer bit is the most married they've ever been in my mind.

i just love couples who have been together for so long that their love language is funny banter. there's a part in 303 where sam finds max's brain and they immediately get into an argument because max was too loud. keep in mind sam just went through all the stops and was so broken up about losing max but they still have time to do this. in 304 before max turns into a monster he fucks with sam. it's really funny.

love them so much. sam throwing max out a window is a declaration of love to me.

What makes me sad about them

im under the impression that telltale games still needs to be tried in court for episode 305. like treason. TREASON. anyway post 305, they're together again (yay) but things have to be different right. like this new max does things differently than what our max did and it's making sam question if this is right. like is this really helping him let go of max? also he feels like if he gets close to this max he'll end up losing him again as he did everything he could to save max but it ended up failing at every step of the way.

meanwhile max is bottling everything up inside because he doesn't want to think about it. when he does eventually think about it, he feels awful and feels like he killed sam and is now thinking whether or not if he should stay to not allow sam to feel anymore miserable about losing max. he doesn't want to hurt sam anymore and will sacrifice his own happiness by being with sam to do that.

anyway that fic should be done soon. looking at you autistically

things done in fanfic that annoys me

surprisingly: ive only read like two sam and max fanfics (that were about them specifically, i read my lovely friend teddy's stuff because we're soul bonded) and one of them is my own draft. i think just in general, they should already be married in the fic. like even post 305 they should like get married again. sam and max have been married ever since max got one of those spider rings from sam at age 5.

things I look for in fanfic

i think they should be annoying. and in love. that's it. actually also give sam a hug max, please. please he needs a hug after the shit in season 3.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other

i'm under the impression that they need to be a couple or else. like the world is going to collapse if they don't get hitched 50 times. also i don't think anyone else is right for them besides each other.

but. i have an image for this. do you get it. walk with me.

My happily ever after for them

not living in new york for one. but seriously, i think a lot of people imagine them retiring at some point, but honestly i think they would be freelance police until the end. they just love to do what they do: sam because he loves to be a detective and be with max and max because he loves to be the "long arm of the law" aka shoot people and be with sam. when they do die they're gonna terrorize hell too. you will never separate them ever again.

if they ever retire however, they are living in new jersey for my sake. i hate new york.

who is the big spoon/little spoon

"oh wouldnt sam be the big spoon because hes like 6 feet?" yeah but max is like a cunt. he tries spooning sam and sam lets him because he's a) tired and b) doesn't want to get bit right now. half way through the night sam either rolls onto max or max wants to be cuddled instead and max tries to get sam to change positions and wake up and sam ignores him because he knew this was going to happen because it happens literally every night.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity

throwing rocks at each other. but also i think they really like doing any silly shit together. watching movies together but making fun of them. playing poker and max shooting the cards when he loses (which is often). them playing video games together and max breaking his controller because he lost (also happens often). them goofing off on cases. going to a diner for dinner and annoying everyone there. they just love to spend time together with one another. its so cute.

[mydarlingofthesea]

hi iso ^_^!!! 4 da ask game!!! #zoidandy fan 4 lyfe

2. when in canon does your self insert come in? do you have a scene in mind for your entrance?

5. does your self insert have any special powers or abilities?

11. what kind of outfit(s) does your self insert wear?

15. how does your self insert play a role in the plot of the story? do they help directly defeat the villain, support the heroes, etc.?

k fair warning for andy i interchangably use first and second person for him so. warning for that

2. Random rare cameos in eps. Like two at most in the first few seasons before theres an ep introducing me for real. Im like a running gag "whos that" "oh thats head of marketing his name is andy he doesnt do. anything". then as for the ep formally introducing me i think itd be a post-movies episode Where farnsworth has to have planet express make an emergency marketing ploy otherwise wed go bankrupt then zb's gonna be ljke "hey!lets just let the head of marketing handle this!" "we have a head of marketing?" and then there i am. Well if i was in the show most of what ive been doing wouldve been behind the scenes and most of my Friendship Blossoming with zb happened Off-screen but they very much did happen in flashbacks or whatever. Noone recognizes me Besides him and amy and maybe farnsworth and they all call me new guy. Anyway THATS when #romantic tensions Start to rise between me and zb when im formally introduced.

5. Oh theyre a time travel paradox. Idk if that counts as a power OR ability but in the futurama world You can time travel backwards in time but thatd create a time paradox clone and the clone OR the original (?) could die so um. But thats not gonna happen to either of them cayse theyre special. More about it here. and his trait of being a time travel clone isnt even treated as a big deal by him its like having a twin. Andys clone though doesnt work at planet express and i still have to work out the backstory for all that

11. hold onn

^ His face.

WORK OUTFIT. everyday outfit.

jammies. him in zbs clothes

15. running gag character baby!!!! Literally hes not there to do anything inportant hes there to be funny fail miserably at everything and marry zoidberg thats all.

[artemisbarnowl]

When you're not staying up past your bedtime tell us your thoughts about checking up on people via social media!

Thank you for indulging me this long weekend why would you do this

Warning I'm gonna be pathetic because i am still grieving a nine year relationship and grieving, especially in this context, feels so UNDIGNIFIED. Also its my grieving thoughts about the socials thing not like well srticulated thoughts about the socials with some grieving mixed in. I just have a lot of feelings and i need to get them out.

1. Like, ultimately don't. Its not helpful at all i think. Unless if literally is just idle curiosity about what happened to someone in your class from ten years ago and you actually dont care what you find.

2. I am experiencing the urge to check up on my ex CONSTANTLY. (They do not really use social media this doesnt amount to much btw). I understand why people be lurking on someones insta or whatever to see what theyve been up to. Sometimes you hope theyre failing and miserable because they did you wrong and you want to feel validated. In my particular case i am worried, and i miss them. There are no posts for me to see or wonder about so this is useless but i think i also want to see that my ex is sad (because i was important to him for such a long time) but also, not like, too sad. And I'm fantasising about him sort of DOing something about it. I want to see what he's up to. Is is dancing? Is he injured? Is he Making? Is he finding small joys in life like hanging out with friends or seeing a cute creature on a walk? Seeing posts about these things would not help me! Because i would likely assume he was not sad, then i would feel angry and bitter and disappointed in myself for wasting my time. We dont share when we are sad (or why) on socials. I am NEVER going to see a post that effectively says "my smart and beautiful and extraordinary girlfriend of 9 years left me, and I am sad i couldn't be what she needed. I miss her a lot and wish i could have showed her this garden i saw today, she would have loved it. I will never forget her and dont know how to be okay with this". No one is going to see that. But ultimately i think we check up on people because what we want to see is some variation of that, so we can feel validated and know that they UNDERSTAND how were feeling.

Because this is tumblr I have made stupid posts a bit like this! I miss him all the time, i made a facebook post about a doco that I watched in the hopes that he would see it and watch it, because i think he'd like all the adorable english woodland creatures. This is also stupid! As are posts showing how well youre doing in hopes ypur ex seems them and feels stupid. Devoting this much energy to a game in your head where you will never get an outcome that satisfies you cannot help you move on or heal. But i do think its weird that we look for any possible thread that tied us to people we are without, even the terrible online ones that can never retie us! We talk to gravestones like the dead can hear us. I am currently checking my mailbox every day for a letter that might not ever arrive, and even if it does it sure and shit wont contain any information that helps me live my new single life where no one thinks I'm special, and there's no one I'm 100% comfortable to be all of myself around and who I dont get tired of being with.

I will never know if he saw the fb post, let alone watched and had opinions on the doco I talked about. Knowing wont help. He knew i have a tumblr but i dont think he'd go through it as its a huge pile of memes and stuff he wouldnt understand to look for 3 things that say im sad. And again, knowing I'm sad won't help.

Normally im very good at being like "well this is unproductive/not the best course of action" and then, you know, STOPPING but unfortunately I will continue to wonder how he is and what hes up to and cling to actually unreasonable, unfounded fantasies of what happens IF he sees.

Anyway this is a long vent that basically says i think i get why people do it now but ultimately it will never bring the carthsis we hope for (:

He knew i had a tumblr but I dont think he's checking up on me coz. Whats the point. Its a lot of stupid memes for 3 im sad posts. Which accomplish nothing as discussed.

[dittolicous]

i think im having my midlife crisis. cuz time is passing so fast and im just... so tired. so tired of spending everyday miserable and stressed and hoping tomorrow will be better, when it never is.

i dont want to have to struggle for another 10 years just to get a simple little home that isnt infested with roaches or has rats in the walls. i want to be able to get up in the morning to drink coffee and watch the news. see kids walking to school. learn to sew. go fishing every now and again. own a car. be able to sleep without fretting over which bill to pay before cutoff.

i. i dont feel like ill ever escape. the community around me doesn't care because im not homeless of suffering enough, because i can still work even if im a husk of a human. because everyone has to work or die. work or die.

ive spent thr last few days pouring over applications, loan possibilities, houses, financial aid, bills, etc. no jobs have reached back to me except scams or ones that are basically downgrades from what i already do. i look and i look and i look, i used that suggested google jobs thing, but all the good jobs are off the island, require 10000 years experience, have no benefits, or are all work that i utterly despise. i dont qualify for loans and make too much for financial aid.

and they always say the same thing. get rid of your pets (as if rehoming is even cheap or easy), get rid of internet, make sacrifises sacrifices and more sacrifices. get up at 4am to wait in food bank lines for old meat, leftover produce, and stale cake. constantly plead to strangers and justify your life. because thats just life! your not allowed to have nice things when youre poor, dont you know? if you do, then thats wasting money and we wont help you. you deserve what you get because happiness comes with money.

i just want out. and i guess jokes on them. if i rehome my pets, well, that would mean id finally be free to off myself. because im sorry to say, but theyre the only thing that holds me back. i hate this world. i wasnt built to survive here. i dont have any passions or drive or... anything.

i dont know why im here. just to suffer and be miserable until im too old and weak to work, to die alibe in a ditch.... i dont have anything worth anything.

and what makes me fucking laugh! is that the last time i went to my psych appointment i was like. i cant do this! im tired of being tired! and they pushed me to try their therapy again and that theyd get a case worker to call me and to think of all things i can change instead of what i cant... i agreed but was open with how i didn't have much faith in the system. how they failed me in the past and that makes me wary.

that was two weeks ago.

case worker never called me. therapist never called me. i cant change anything.

all because of stupid fucking bills and checks and jobs and money because no one deserves to live happy!

ill never escape. ill never have a live worth living. i dont have anyone to go to the movies or amusement parks with, no one who would drop by for coffee and a chat, no one to go to cons with. im just a little icon on a blue website. if i died tomorrow, if my queue ended... no one would mourn me not really. no one would cry. because im just broken and incapable of making genuine connections. id just be another quiet blog, a blip in the radar.