#even when it makes me relive me trauma lmao

[pogbur]

9 and/or 11 for overly personal asks? No pressure if it's too personal lol

yes finally!!! Also i know i have unhealthy coping mechanisms no i cant stop and no im not going to.

9 - do you cry? why or why not?

Yeah. Uncontrollably. Kidding- well most of the time. Ive learned to hold my breath until i stop but sometimes (like that one time in math class. ugh) once i start breathing again i cry again. I try not to cry infront of other people though because its awkward for them and shows weakness, and i need to be scary (they wont hurt me if theyre scared of me. this does not work i will not stop)

11 - tell me about your last failed friendship.

I dont have that many so im just going to list them. 1, Childhood friends, grew up together, moved away, i made a mistake and we havent talked since. 2, we werent friends yet, she died before we couldve been, we were in 3rd grade. 3, it was my fault. I was young and stupid but the mistakes i made were nessacary. I try not to think about this one- but i cant help it. It seeps through the cracks of my life. The people involved are still my some of my classes. Long story short, i hate pick-mes, people hate drama, i cause drama. I dont even know if they think about me at all. Probably not. The pick me? We were never friends. Fucking hate that girl. Its unfair. I took her friends away from her. She deserved it. She was a child. So was i. So are we. ANYWAYS--- thanks for letting me vent ig. you dont have to read all that if you dont want to. The tldr is bolded if you want to skip my ramblings

[mad-hunts]

as far as jack could tell, jervis was really out of it; and it made him wonder it was due to something that had happened while he was out with his father, or when they'd gotten here. perhaps both. jack gnawed on his bottom lip, his eyes darting to jervis's hands, which were flexing like he was struggling with something. an eyebrow rose as jack contemplated asking whether he needed some pain medication.

since he didn't receive an answer to his question yet, jack figured he might as well introduce himself. ❝ uhh, well, you don't have to talk to me if you aren't feeling up to it. my sister told me that you fainted in front of her out there — so, i understand if you're still feeling sick. my name is jack, ❞ he scratched at the back of his neck as he continued to observe jervis. whenever the man tried to get up, jack approached him and was about to caution jervis that maybe he shouldn't by lightly touching his shoulder.

but he remembered matilda telling him something about the other really not liking to be touched, so he merely was going to verbally tell him. up until jervis laid back down himself, anyhow. jack couldn't hold himself back from frowning at his poor present state before venturing out of the room with a 'i'll be right back.' and indeed he had been, with two different vials, alongside a few syringes to inject into that IV bag: should jervis want to be medicated. jack figured it'd be easier to just do that rather than forcing him to swallow anything.

he placed those also on the table before tilting his head at the quote jervis had said until it clicked a few seconds later, ❝ that's a quote from through the looking glass, isn't it? and one that the red queen said in the story if i remember correctly. she was basically teaching alice that staying in the same place is falling behind, right? ❞ jack squinted his eyes at that before a thought came to mind. a soft snort left him, but one that was done of an innocent sort of amusement rather than malice. ❝ that is a kind of roundabout way of talking about survival of the fittest. but hey, lewis carroll was all about the whimsy of things, i guess. and its no big deal. ❞

jack pretended not to see the tears that the other shed for jervis's own sake. the blood on his lips was something he couldn't ignore, no matter how hard he tried, though. jack grabbed a washcloth from his pack and held it out towards's jervis's hand. once it was out of his hand was when jack set down that teacup, the slightly too long stripped pants he wore swaying across the ground. ❝ mm, you and dad were both asleep for nearly four hours. sure — i don't think that's silly at all. i keep something on me all the time from when my brother, julien, was still around. ❞ the bracelet he showed the other on his right wrist then seemed to be made up entirely of tiny conch shells.

julien was a big fan of the sea, which jack thought made his death all the more crushing. after seeing the state that the stuffed animal was in, he figured that that bunny must've been really loved; though it didn't really matter by whom it was. the end result was the same, as love changes you. jack knew this well as he'd never wanted anything more than to be embraced by the warmth of it.

he quickly shook that thought off, only to grab the two vials he got from the fridge once more. ❝ eh... the four hours actually went by rather fast. ❞ jack cleared his throat then, ❝ you know, i couldn't help but notice that you aren't looking so hot still, and so i grabbed some meds for you. but i won't force you to take them. i have a pain reliever as well as something that relieves vertigo. are either, or both of these, something you want? ❞

Eigengrau.

A faint hum buzzed in his ears; his mouth was so dry it felt like he’d swallowed a wad of wool.

The thin sheet beneath him brushed his fingertips as Jervis flexed his hands, cracking his eyes open a sliver. The room tilted, everything blurring at the edges. Ah… so he had fainted. Just as he’d suspected. No glasses, then.

"Hey. Ahh, you're awake… That's awesome. How are you feeling?"

The new voice was barely a whisper, young and uncertain—belonging to a boy, maybe sixteen or eighteen by the timber. Was this another of Barton's assistants, a friend of Matilda’s, or perhaps her brother? Jervis couldn’t quite remember; hadn't Barton mentioned something about having more than one child?

He winced, his body feeling heavy, leaden; aching everywhere. Slowly, he exhaled and tried to push himself upright—tried being the keyword. The effort brought only a wave of vertigo, dizzying and blue-hot, making his vision swim.

… ohh, god…

He swallowed thickly, curling into himself. Something wasn’t right. His glasses and gloves weren’t the only thing missing. He was in his socks, jeans, and a now damp charcoal t-shirt, his body slick with cold sweat. His graying auburn curls clung to his neck in tangled ropes. His boots were beside the cot, his messenger bag on a desk across the room. His overcoat and maroon button-down were draped over a chair.

A flicker of discomfort in his right arm. Burning. Tugging.

Jervis glanced down at the source: a plastic tube. A peripheral IV catheter.

"Ah, you know... 'It takes all the running you can do, to stay in the same place,'" he muttered, his voice clipped and hollow; Bermudian accent casual, almost detached. He turned his eyes to the boy; offered him a faint, strained smile. "Keeps things interesting, I suppose... but I appreciate your concern, lad."

He lifted his fingers to his cheek, feeling the moisture trickle down—salt on his lips. Tears, sharp and stinging. Jervis flinched and quickly scrubbed them away with the heels of his hands.

Cold metal pressed into his spine, tight around his neck—the chain with his and Sylvie’s wedding rings twisted against his skin. He must’ve been thrashing in his sleep. There was blood on his lips.

"Forgive me…" His vision swam as he watched the boy set a teacup on the small table beside the cot, just within view. "But I'm afraid I've rather lost my sense of time. How long has it been since I…?" He paused, his voice barely steady. "... if... if you don’t mind, could you please reach into my coat pocket? You'll find a small cuddly toy. A rabbit..." He rubbed his mouth, lowered his eyes. "It sounds foolish, I know... but it... it was my daughter's, you see..."

The boy nodded, moving quickly to retrieve the toy from Jervis’ coat pocket, and placed it on the table beside the teacup. The bunny was missing one of its button eyes, its white fur faded and matted. A pink satin ribbon around its neck was frayed and tattered.

“Thank you,” Jervis said hoarsely. “I must have been out of it for quite a while.”

[blainehasregrets]

Blaine’s Transfer To McKinley

One of the more disliked? plot points in Glee is Blaine’s transfer to McKinley. However, it’s always been silly to me that people think this plot made “no sense”, especially from Blaine fans who think Blaine transferring to McKinley meant Blaine was constantly having to relive the trauma from his previous experience in public school and Kurt was inconsiderate for making him transfer.

Don’t get me wrong: He definitely transferred to be with Kurt, and I have no doubt in my mind Kurt was being annoying as hell about it all summer given the scene of him being (playfully) passive aggressive over Blaine still going to Dalton (which makes his whole “pls don’t tell me you transferred for me because what if u resent me 🥺” even funnier lmao oh Kurt). And I also think him transferring in the middle of the episode aka nearly a week into the school year was supposed to show that Kurt was pressuring him. But I also do kind of chalk that up to the fact that The Purple Piano Project was incredibly badly written and they chose the worst possible ways to deliver information, like setting up Juilliard for Hummelberry just to explain to us NYADA a scene later like…! IMO, they could have kept that scene of Klaine in the Lima Bean, like I’m not saying they should take Kurt’s involvement in the decision completely away, but it should have been one of the very first scenes so Blaine could have been there from day 1. But omg all of this is besides the point let me move on…

However! To act as if it was not ultimately Blaine’s decision, and one he’s wanted to make for a while, is missing a huge part of his character. Not only that, I don’t understand how so many people miss this when it’s quite literally one of the very first things Blaine ever says in the show.

In Never Been Kissed, Blaine tells Kurt “I ran, Kurt. I didn’t stand up. I let bullies chase me away and it’s something I really, really regret.”

It’s literally the main thing we are introduced to his character with. Blaine is someone who wants to face his fears, in this case public school, he just hasn’t had an opportunity to do so.

The entire Dalton arc is symbolized by Pavarotti’s cage which comes up several times during season 2, and in Special Education the show frames Dalton as a place that doesn’t foster individuality (even though I think that plot point was uhh badly written because it was as if the writers seemed to forget why Kurt left McKinley in the first place…all of Kurt’s complaints about Dalton applied to McKinley too, but were supposed to forget about it because over on the McKinley side, Mr. Schue chose Fabrevans and Santana for the competition for once. but also all of this is besides the point too!), and the reason why Blaine falls in love with Kurt in the first place is because of Kurt’s independence and need for freedom despite the difficulties he faced, symbolized by him sing Black Bird. Despite the fact that I don’t particularly agree with this sentiment that a safe place like Dalton is “running away”, I think most people know going from a rich private school with no bullying to a shitty public school with tons of it is a massive downgrade, the show makes it abundantly clear that Dalton is not a place where Kurt or Blaine are meant to stay.

So, even logistics aside (because obviously as he was upgraded to a main character, he had to be with the rest of the characters more often which means he had to go to the same school, it’s really not much deeper than that), the show already set up that Blaine wanted to be free from a place like Dalton. Even in Original Song, we get the hint that Blaine is tired of his easy life in the Warblers where he gets all the solos and in Silly Love Songs he compares them to privileged, porcelain birds. To make it seem as if Blaine being at McKinley was traumatic for him or he had 0 choice in the matter and was doing it solely for Kurt is, imo, disingenuous and misses part of his character that gives him his own agency.

And yes I’m saying all of this acknowledging Blaine’s whole “I changed SCHOOLS FOR YOU 😫” thing, because I think it all can be true at once:

Blaine transferred to be with Kurt.

Blaine transferred because it’s something he’s wanted to do.

Blaine had no problem holding it over Kurt’s head when he wanted to.

I feel like none of that is contradictory to each other (or, even if it is hypocritical, it’s hypocritical in a way real people are). People are messy! They can have multiple reasons for doing what they do, and sometimes even when it’s their decision to make, they can still blame another other person for them. (And I say this with love but I mean…Blaine isn’t a stranger to blaming Kurt for something he chose to do, right? Moving out…cheating…Perfectly in character if you ask me!)

I feel like this decision doesn’t require that much suspension of disbelief either, Jesse transfers in season 1 for a couple episodes just to mess with Rachel. Yes it’s not realistic, but many aspects of glee are not and this is one of the ones I think was set up before the decision was even made.

And to be honest, I always thought the whole “Blaine should have stayed at Dalton” to be a pretty boring opinion, but when I was rewatching Purple Piano Project recently, Blaine said Kurt was just scared the Warblers were going to beat the New Directions, I couldn’t help but think that would have been soo interesting to see. The mess and drama that would come out of Klaine having to see each other as rivals…especially when you throw Sebastian into the mix…Blaine, who already couldn’t cope with the distance, having to see his boyfriend as the enemy? I would love to visit an alternate universe where that’s the route glee decided to go with.

But I’m sorry I love “I changed SCHOOLS FOR YOU 😫” and, regardless of all the reasons I’ve listed above, the general craziness it spells for Blaine that he’d transfer to a shitty public school to spend one year with his lazy fucking boyfriend (said affectionately) too much to wish it was changed. I love you canon Klaine!

[milkywaydrabbles]

Hii it's me again!

I wanted to say thank you for answering my questions! It's was so nice to finally talk to you. I'm glad you brought up sanzu because I think with your dark writing style you could capture characters like sanzu and hanma in a really deep headspace. A lot of people write sanzu as cold and chaotic but forget that he was characistically loyal to a fault (and low-key a God complex when it came to mikey).

I feel his bontent executive lifestyle would not be one of stability or kindness and that any women that somehow peaked (and kept) his interest would be stuck between his curiosity and (not so subtle) obsessive tendencies masked as loyalty. What do you think🤔

Either way I'm so excited to see how your future works will be with him! He's such an enigma that dark creators like yourself truly get to play around with the many faces they have. I hope you don't work yourself too hard with all our requests❤️ make sure to eat something delicious as a treat.

-🐇 anon

OKAY I'm on a computer just for this ask bc I have a lot to say I think and I need full mobility lmao. One I'd like to thank YOU for your kind words and thoughtfulness I appreciate it so much! It's really great to have these deeper questions for these characters because they really are so complex, and I know I get caught up in just the heehee haha's of it all and writing them the way I'd like to see it or someone requests it but thinking about what they do or say in the real world would be terrifying.

SO SANZU! While I do think he is cold and chaotic, I completely agree with you. Don't get me wrong I LOVE the way people write him and I think it's phenomenal I can read Sanzu fics all that (@ everyone reading this if you have faves drop the link) but sometimes I do think sight is lost on who he is/how he's depicted. Sanzu is cold in the sense that no one else is worth his time, because Mikey exists. He doesn't have time for niceties because he has a job to do, and everyone else just gets in the way. Sanzu's chaotic in the way a gang member has to be to survive. But I think we also gloss over the fact that he's taking drugs. Now while it's not explicitly discussed what it is, I imagine it's an upper, so most pills are out the window (except party drugs but they won't do much in comparison to how he acts).

But I like to think the drugs he takes is a combo of something like coke and heavy medication (that he very blatanlty abuses) to cope with the trauma that he practically relives. He has a lot of PTSD that's really shifted its way to stockholm syndrome with what Mikey did to him. The way he's still so loyal to him is really a trauma response beacuse it's easier to deal with. I think ALL OF THIS creates such an intense character that without thinking much about it can get boiled down to just a crazy silly guy with a gun.

Sanzu in a relationship is a terrifying concept, because he really would be obsessive. I don't even think he'd be the type of obsessive that would kill a man because he's jealous, I think his mind would tell him it's out of pure protection for whoever's he's dating. I think the longer he's with them the more difficult it is for him to stop himself from being outwardly obsessed, but I think the exposure to his lifestyle over however long would kind of make his s/o be like 'okay well this is him and i love him so it's okay' type deal (we know that's not healthy)

I think if I let this fester in my brain I can create a lil sumn for Sanzu because he's a scary individual that has CPTSD and doesn't recognize that, along with an insane amount of power and a drug dependancy.

ALSO this is a sidebar but I read a short drabble once about Sanzu seeing someone and Mikey found out and basically executed them in front of Sanzu, and he immediately after shot himself in the head. It was intense but a really good ficlet and that seems VERY accurate for Sanzu in a relationship, that eventually they will overtake the number one spot from Mikey and he'll be so attached to them that he'd just take his own life because he can't live without them. I need to find it bc it was good.

ANYWAYS THIS IS A LOT TO TAKE IN IM' SORRY I WROTE SO MUCH I LOVE YOU NONNIE. I hope I get to write for him and characters like Hanma soon in the future, it's very fun!!!

[1960z]

turnabout time traveler is definitely a case designed to facilitate a story that gets a bunch of legacy characters in the same room again to capitalise on original trilogy nostalgia BUT what I think really elevates it above a typical fanservice case is the way nostalgia and living in the past is baked in its themes.

the core message this case is trying to send is that while nostalgia can be nice, if you only live in the past and refuse to move forward, it will be your downfall. we see this primarily with pierce who is obsessed with making the people around him relive his own trauma and grief surrounding his fiancee's death which leads him to causing more pain and tragedy. and to a lesser extent with sorin who, while he can't help that he has ef a tale of memories syndrome (sorry idk what else to call it lmao) still burdens himself with secrets and guilt barely even allowing him to focus on the new memories he's writing down. they're both referred to as "time travelers" for this reason because, time has simply moved on without them.

and as much we might want them to, our main characters can't stay static either. they're moving on too. there are so many moments in this case where maya, just by virtue of being herself, reminds phoenix of mia which makes sense, because she's literally now in the same age range mia was when she died. them working together like this for the first time in who knows how long really forces phoenix to grapple with that she really isn't 17-20 anymore. sure, she may still have a similar outward facing weirdgirl personality but she has also truly matured in a lot of ways and gained a lot of wisdom from all her experiences over the years that she didn't have previously. which yes, has made her a lot like her sister in a lot of ways. and it's an emotional, beautiful experience to see a close friend go through that. even if your friendship isn't the same as it once was, it's evolving for the better.

there are also just little elements of this case's story which make you reminisce about cases previous which really hammers home the feeling of nostalgia for a time past. the whole sibling car accident then subsequent surgery plot line is extremely turnabout reunion. the murder plot planned by a person other than the guy who was supposed to carry it out felt very turnabout goodbyes-esque.

and of course, the murder weapon is a weird novelty clock that you wouldn't even believe is a clock just by looking at it.

it's a case that's both really fun and has a surprising amount of depth. it made me emotional in a lot of ways I wasn't expecting. it was a lovely little end bonus

[juuheizou]

Errrmmmmm,,,,,,,,, ik im basically making u relive ur anger and hatred against post rue mutsuki but i need hcs for a a post rue mutsuki who’s a depressed alcoholic and ur the only real one xoxo

Friend, in order to relive it, I would have to have stopped living it at some point. ANYWAY, can't leave anyone who calls me the only real one hanging, so here we go! This is in such a random bullet point format because trying to articulate my thoughts in a way thats actually organized and makes sense is part of why it's taken me too damn long to answer

maybe it's a matter of "show more unglamorous depression/trauma" or maybe it's just vibes, but for whatever reason, I've always seen Mutsuki as a hypersomniac after Rushima, even when it was fresh and I tried to write an angsty hurt/comfort fic (it was HORRIBLE and I RAN OUT OF IDEAS so I gave up and deleted it lmao) about it rather than the action-packed casefic I ended up writing.

he blames himself so deeply for what happened. every step of the way no matter how irrational, in his mind, was all his fault, if he just reacted sooner, if he was stronger, if he just let Torso torture him to death, if he never lived to see Rushima in the first place

he basically disappears all over again once he makes it back to the mainland. barely gets out of bed let alone leaves his apartment, when he does drag himself to work he doesn't talk to anyone and never seems to be all there, and he definitely doesn't go anywhere other than those two places anymore

NUMBNESS. his bleeding heart was the first domino to fall in the lead-up to Rushima, and it's still buried in there, but he's just so... slow... to react... and like I said, often not all there when he's out and about. On the inside he might be crying, or more likely screaming at himself to react to an upsetting case or colleague having a bad day, but instead he's just there, listless and blank like a piece of the background, and only when he's alone in the safety of his apartment will he bawl his eyes out over the situation and his added guilt for doing nothing

in canon, he's a happy, outgoing drunk, and I think his first drink is an attempt to psych himself up for some meeting with Saiko or Suzu or someone close to him, or something like that, that he just really didn't want this new side of him to rip away

it becomes his way to psych himself up for anything he doesn't feel like he can leave his apartment to do but look! if he just has a little drink first, he can do it and won't let those he cares about down, and anyone but the most perceptive and close to him (you know damn well who I see that being) would think great! Look how happy he is! How much fun he's having! We were so worried about him, but look at him, smiling and laughing and talking to us!

before he even knows it, he's drinking to feel normal

from there the consequences can go in so many directions I honestly can't pick just one knock yourself out

[imaginespazzi]

OH MY GOD IF YOU COULD SEE MY JAW HIT THE FLOOR WHEN I SAW THE FIC POSTED LITERLLY DIED

ok starting my debrief the wait was so incredibly worth every single second bc that delivered so far beyond my expectations which were already high Nivi you are so unbelievably talented and I cannot wait for the next update!!!!

Paige willing to take the pay cut just to avoid her and still willing to not go until azzi encouraged her is soooo cutsie

I am in love with Steph ur absolutely completely in love her and azzi relationship is so cute and the kisses to die for like her telling Paige she needs kisses was adorable way for them to meet and her convincing Paige to come ughhhhb so chefs kiss moment

the flashback of them going to gsme and their future being planned j was shocked to say the least

the way you included Colleen and Jana was sooo good but I am no waiting in anticipation for the flashback of the big fight

one last thought the comparison of the ucla fic you choose ucla over me no I chose ucla or UConn to your choosing gsv ur not choosing me made me relive all of ur angst trauma all over again

thank you so much for this beautiful chapter mwah mwah love you Nivi!!!

💜💜

Ah bestie you're one of the people that I was really hoping would like it and so I'm really glad that you do and that I met your expectations <3

Paige is just dramatic as per usual lmao but thank god her agent is smarter than she is.

Listen I know everyone's her for Pazzi but I'm pretty sure everyone's a Stephie stan first in this universe. I love writing her with Pazzi, like it's just very self-indulgent cause them as moms heals something in me.

WAIT OMG. I didn't even think about the parallels to the UCLA fic but yeah you're so right. I'm really trying to make this as different from that one as possible cause I don't wanna make them too similar so this actually made me really happy!

Gonna selfishly ask that you do a review after every chapter (but only if you want to of course) cause I genuinely really loved hearing your thoughts my love <3

[rulers-of-hungary-tournament]

ROUND 2, MATCH 8

Admin's commentary: ...please, people, my boy Lajos had suffered trough one curb stomp battle in his lifetime, don't make him relive his trauma.

***

WHAT MY PROFESSOR OF MEDIEVAL HISTORY SAID ABOUT THEM

I.Mátyás (Matej I.); also known as Hunyadi Mátyás (Matej Korvín) 1458-1490

I mean, do I even have to say anything??? you know who this guy is right.

fought the Ottomans. supported arts and sciences. instituted important reforms. founded Academia Istropolitana. made Buda the capital and built the Buda Castle. gained the crown of Bohemia and stole territory from Austria. the man. the myth. the legend.

seriously he's going to win this round and it's not even going to be even close. sorry Béla.

@deetherusalka said about him: "Lmao Bohemian crown snatcher, it's still so funny to me how in Czechia he's always presented as the evil himself and then everywhere else he's celebrated (which is not wrong imho! it's just funny how the narrative changes depending on perspective you learn about it)"

@durzarya said about him: #listen i love Mátyás király and i have voted for him#but my guy had some interesting policies#hilarious information about him: at 19 he captured Vlad Țepeș

II.Lajos (Ľudovít II.) 1516-1526

as mentioned in his father's entry, we weren't told much about him as a person, other than the fact that the Jagiellon rule in Hungary was a shitshow and he himself died at Mohács

@biksarddedrak said about him: "Like uhhh, II. Lajos inherited a shitty country. And with a huge issue of Ottoman empire kicking down it's door. But he has my admiration, because he decide to face the problems and lost his life in a hopeless battle." #my boy Lájos was just unfortunate#he did not die in a fight rather he drowned while fleeing from the battlefield when battle was lost#his horse stumbled and Lájos fell into bog where he drown in his armour#Also also he was allegedly very pretty#also with his death could begin the habsburg rule so LETS GOO#he knew when to kick the bucket and not to stay in a way

[satancopilotsmytardis]

i haven't delved into bonded much, soulmate aus are hit or miss for me, but dabi and bakugo brought me to tears. Bakugo is so damn observant and always on edge, it's really comforting to see how dabi just gives and takes as the conversation demands. It was honestly a relief to see Baku withdrawing from the league, bc it meant he was prioritizing himself more. Letting himself have an out so he could try again when he felt like it.

oh god Bakugo hinting he wants to train to near-death against the league???? Maybe purposefully reliving trauma to make up his mind?? Fuck no

"Because I'm not going to let you hurt yourself!"

"I have been there, kid." He pulls a staple, it lets him take a breath. "I have been desperate to be better, to be seen, and to not let the things that hurt me hold me back. I damn near died trying to move past that, and when I couldn't I decided I was going to take everything out in a blaze of glory with me. It wouldn't have been worth it."

"it wouldn't have been worth it" I am SOBBING what a conversation to have first thing in the morning. Felt so cathartic tho

speaking of cathartic. Dabis meltdown. Dabs asking his dad to meet him at sekoto again is fuckin melodramatic as hell and I love it, but WOW he needs to take his own advice about reliving shit

the cuddle party got me straight in the heart. I'm so glad the kings of repression finally got blunt and vulnerable confirmation that dabs cares for him, and Baku realizes he doesn't like seeing him hurting

"Doesn't stop him from being the first one up and making a traditional Japanese breakfast for them. With fish." motherfucker LMAO

fuck when baku didn't get a mark for Shoto I felt my stomach drop. Can't imagine how poorly that would've gone without dabi

"it's not very common for people their age to get romantic soulmarks like this. Usually takes longer for people to work themselves out enough to be ready to have a bond like this." Yeah that probably explains Baku's dilemma

I can't find the direct quote but it was something about how Bakugo has a sharper edge than his classmates, and the league doesn't even flinch at it. I fuckin melt over stuff like that. He's been called villainous way too much, and even though he'll probably never forget what they've done, I hope he finds a way to be comfortable with that part of himself through being pals with them

I'm feral, Bakugo is literally my favorite part of the Bonded series, his relationship with Dabi, the League, and Toga are so near and dear to my heart! There's just so much of people trying to be better and healing and how forgiveness and understanding look when there's so much baggage on either side of a dynamic I'm just

Concluding Bakugo's story is the major thing that keeps me invested in Bonded, he deserves the world! Thank you for commenting!

[kafus]

i feel like my PTSD nightmares are really weird. i have two categories of them. first there’s the ones where i relive severe pain and sensory overload that cause me to wake up terrified spasming, sometimes in a specific pattern. but these nightmares never have actual content from my trauma, they are extremely abstracted and sometimes the events that cause the pain don’t even make any logical sense. notably a lot of these have specific senses removed (ie. i can’t see) or i can’t move, and there is a higher likelihood of me being a child in them

on the other hand there’s nightmares that actually directly reference my trauma in some way or are actually about that subject matter, but these ones are usually not even scary… like they don’t even wake me up. they’re super dissociative, i often feel nothing or my feelings feel very warped, and my senses are dulled. i usually wake up dissociated, confused, and brainweird. just a sort of mental sickness that can pervade throughout the day if i don’t deal with it properly. it sucks in a way i cannot describe correctly

both options suck though i do prefer the second one if i have to have nightmares at all, and fortunately i have the former option a lot less… but then when it does happen (like last night) it really freaks me out. Also i’ve never talked to anyone with personal experience with this specific sort of thing (especially the weird sensory deprivation stuff like being completely blind sometimes?? or you know waking up spasming from pain??) so sometimes i feel crazy lmao

[missr3n3]

finally managed to get all these thoughts coherent lol. here goes: my full list of 2.5 theories/predictions (which, given my previous success rate, are probably mostly incorrect lmao):

1 – 2.5 brandon is the same person as 1.9 brandon

evidence: both brandons struggle with sleep, both brandons receive psychiatric care, the name “brandon” hasn’t been reused for any other characters, given the main threat is dreams, 2.5 brandon is likely to survive, 2.5 brandon’s VA referred to him as “little brandon” as if to differentiate him from another version of the character (i.e. the adult brandon from 1.9)

2 – the gods from 1.9 are the storytellers i.e. death and the sailor (this is relevant)

evidence: howard says the gods “created everything,” which could be the storytellers creating each story’s universe when making the tales, howard says death’s “do you laugh in the face of death?” quote, since death was constantly talking about no one escaping him, he could’ve asked howard to make the human sacrifices to prove that point

3 – brandon was contacted by the same gods as howard

evidence: there are at least two storytellers and there are at least two monsters featured in brandon’s dream, marionettes are associated with control and pulling strings, which could fit death controlling the stories, while trolls are often used as a source of punishment or trial in stories, which is similar to what the sailor was like at the end of 2.4, also probably a reach but the creature that came out of the ground at the end of 1.9 kinda sounded like a troll to me

4 – snuggles is either destroyed/killed or turns out to be evil

evidence: nothing good ever happens to cabin tales characters who are nice

5 (the most tin foil hat theory of them all) – brandon is the traveller/listener

evidence: sailor was talking about “punishment” and “knowing why you’re here” in the previous episode, which could mean brandon is being punished by way of reliving his trauma for not listening to the gods/storytellers earlier, the 2.5 episode description talks about “your childhood fears,” even though only brandon is facing his fears, this sure would “change everything”

[tickledpink31]

Mari/Xiaodie Headcanons Part 3

Age

This is a category of its own.

Mari was 19 when she first landed in the Tang Dynasty and lost her memories. During the events of LMK, she was 21–22 as it took time for her to finish college while carefully planning to leave for China.

Because of the 14-year journey she went through, she's mentally in her early thirties. Time loops mixed with eating life-extending fruit are weird

My heart says that MK is 19, but my head says he's at least 20 (well, I guess he's 19 at heart even when he's well into adulthood). A storyboard artist sees Mei as 23, and I am apt to believe that Red Son is at the physical age of 24. I'm making this comparison because, it's truly a mystery on whether Mari is the second oldest or second youngest of the four because the journey is still something she experienced, albeit while in a coma.

It's like Narnia all over again when the adult Pevensie siblings get out of the closet and go back into their childhood bodies.

It gets even funnier when you consider that Red Son was physically and mentally younger than Mari/Xiaodie the last time she saw him (although Red was probably already biologically older than her regardless). Now, he's physically older than his aunt in the modern day.

Onstage

Mari has the voice of an angel. As Xiaodie, she has attracted demons and humans alike many a time with how enchanting she sounded much to Wukong's chagrin.

I think it'd be funny that Macaque and Mari both do well performing in front of crowds, but Sun Wukong does not.

Mari is used to performing in front of her large nuclear and extended family during events as well as singing in a choir at her school.

Past Wukong believed that there was a meaning to the songs she sang. There were no such meanings. Xiaodie was just regaining memories from singing. She sang "My Jolly Sailor Bold" often causing Wukong to get all huffy and jealous about his supposed "rival" whose name was William lmao.

Leaving Home

It was a difficult feat.

Mari left home without her phone, and therefore no GPS. She couldn't take it with her in order to prevent being tracked down. The layout of modern China differs greatly, so finding Flower Fruit Mountain was difficult.

On top of that, she gets caught in heavy rain hours after she took off from her balcony, rendering her wings too wet to fly. At the very least, she landed herself in a coastal area of China before she fell into the sea and relived her trauma of drowning.

8:00 AM, Mari is dead tired and wet, she finds shelter in a payphone and calls home to tell everyone that she's alright.

On a funnier side to this story, this is Mari's running away from home note.

Despair

There was a slight misunderstanding when Mari first heard about MK being a successor, and it caused Mari to lose courage in hoping to rekindle her relationship with Wukong for a bit.

She came to the conclusion that Wukong might have moved on from her and found someone else and then had MK. There's no way he would wait so long for her. She shouldn't have expected him to.

(Wrong! He did. He waited. Since she was born, Wukong would buy gifts for her on her birthday, thinking that "maybe this would be the year she comes back to me." Those gifts are still collecting dust on his mountain and in the Shame Temple.)

Mari cries in her hotel room that night. She considers going back to Singapore and apologizing to her family for leaving, making this trip a lost cause.

It takes a few days for her to get better, but then she hears something about a shame temple in the Monkey Village, which isn't too far away.

She decides that maybe she should go there, shed some light on the situation, and find out if Wukong found someone else. If he has moved on, Mari will accept forfeit and go back home.

And then the Lady Bone Demon sneaked up on her in the dead of night.

(Tbh, if it turns out Wukong and MK are related, I'm hoping that they're brothers. I don't mind Wukong acting like a dad, I just prefer MK and Wukong being bros. It's cuter imo.)

Marriage

I saw this tiktok of Wukong singing 'Get this Right,' a deleted song from Frozen 2, and I'm like this is how he would propose for the second time when they finally reunite after season 3:

Ahem, go on and guess what the picture below means for them:

Other Random Headcanons

Mari owns a 10-foot caterpillar plushie that she had since she was 7. It's a comfort item to her. During her time as a pilgrim, Xiaodie made herself a small stuffed caterpillar to prevent any more sleepless nights.

Along with not aging because she was in a two-week coma for the journey, Xiaodie's hair only grew an inch after chopping it off and her pink hair dye barely faded away.

In a situation where Xiaodie is angry, it's arguably scarier than Wukong's temper because there is hardly any solution for the problem other than waiting for time to pass until she has cooled off. Xiaodie generally knows how to tame Wukong's rampages, but she stubbornly sticks to whatever mood she's in.

[copper-16]

so. so far i’ve reread the most recent chapter of how do i trust again? 3 times.

i’m just always so impressed and astounded at the way you create this stories about this same couple yet they all feel so vastly different.

one part that stuck in my mind was the scene where the doctors are talking to mapi about what’s wrong with ingrid and she’s reliving hearing that her girlfriend had cancer and then immediately snaps into professional, in charge, put together mapi.

i love love love the way you’ve characterized a lot of the characters, especially eli and alexia. just steadfastly supporting mapi no matter what she needs.

and just. ingrid trying to protect mapi from the fact that she’s sick but the minute something goes wrong, realizing she needs mapi there?

and even though she’s been heartbroken for 2 weeks, mapi stepping in and being whatever ingrid needs.

ugh i’m writing this while ao3 is down lmao but the line that went something like… ���mapi didn’t care if she had to be across the world, as long as ingrid was living and breathing.”

the two of them are so unselfish in their love for the other and i just love it so much.

give your brain a kiss for me 🫶🏻🫶🏻

AHHH this is so incredibly sweet THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I have so much fun making new little worlds for them when I write, and deciding how I want to craft the characters around them.

We definitely see some medical related trauma there for poor Mapi, which I feel like given the circumstances is completely fair!

Ingrid pulled the uno reverso card and said this is a mistake, and Mapi is entirely unfazed and in fact wildly relieved!

THAT WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE LINES FROM THE CHAPTER UGHHH - thank you for noticing! The fact that you remembered it even with the site down is far too impressive I must say.

Thank you again so much, I really appreciate it!!

[leothil]

💛🩵🧟

Mwah thanks Max!

💛what is your favorite feature on yourself?

Probably my eyes! I like their colour, and my lashes frame them nicely. Their only downside is not working properly lmao. But I quite like wearing glasses as well, even with the plight of Lenses Never Clean.

🩵 do you have any pets?

I do! Two kitties! :3 They're biological siblings from the same litter!

🧟scariest thing that’s happened to you

At a water park here they have a stream pool where, as the name hints at, the water streams and it's like experiencing walking and swimming through rapids, but inside. I was eight-ish, I think, and tall enough to reach the bottom at all the places where the water flowed more rapidly, but when going down one of the small "waterfalls," a small whirlpool had formed at the bottom of it and sucked me down to the bottom of the pool while also spinning me so I couldn't make out where the surface was. It didn't take me many seconds to be able to put my feet down and kick myself to the surface, but for those few seconds I had time to wonder if I'd drown there. I'm very thankful my brain didn't linger on that experience, so I have no trauma from it, but it's not something I'd care to relive.

Send me emoji asks!

[antis-hell]

Hi! I'm gonna try to keep this short. So I'm an introject, and I have a lot of source memories. But not really important ones? Things that can be considered everyday or common is all I can remember. The things that I'm supposed to remember, the big stuff, I can't recall at all. I constantly get asked questions I can't answer and it just makes me wonder if this is a problem? If there are certain things I should and shouldn't remember? (I'm new to the whole,,,system, thing, if it's not obvious)

Anyways, thanks!

🌾

Hey! Firstly, welcome to the chaos of being a system lmao. Enjoy it, cus it won't be going away>:]

And in short about you question, no. There aren't any memories that are "required" to make you an introject. Not having them wouldn't be a problem unless a singlet or uneducated system makes it one. When an introject forms, the brain creates the memories that it thinks are relevant and leaves out the rest most of the time. We have introjects that don't remember their source at all, and we have guys that remember almost every second of it. It's a wide spectrum really.

The long answer/explanation? It depends on what your source is, but most of the time, why you can't remember "major" parts of it is typically because those major events were either traumatic for the character in a way that isn't relevant for the brain to prosses or relive. For example, if the character in source was physically abused but the body never was, then often than not, the brain will either not give you those memories or you'll have them but you won't get a trauma response from them.

Then, on the flip side, the brain will also create memories that aren't source compliant if the body has gone through certain traumas. I.e me! I have a bunch of non cannon memories relating to sexual trauma even though it's cannon(I think) that Anti is aroace:]

Hope this made sense! I'm not great at explaining things lol, if ya want me to explain anything more in depth, just send another ask or dm us

I'd also like to say I'm not a professional. All this is from personal experience or info we've gotten (and fact checked) from lurking in syscord servers

-anti💚🗡

[mithliya]

For real… Im more disturbed and scared of what I don’t remember and it’s clearly not safe for me to feel the feelings and it’s so traumatizing that my brain is protecting me… I remember being sexually assaulted ONCE as a child but sense it happened more… but I can’t remember. I remember a scary voice in one memory and I remember feeling scared… that’s it. Then one where in asked to do something and start crying and all I can remember is black and I feel really scared….

It makes me anxious even typing that….

I’ve feared doing EMDR even though I’ve been assured there’s no point searching for lost memories like that.

If you don’t remember something there’s a reason our brains out powerful are helping us survive and protecting us from feeling pain. Some feelings are physically painful and it’s not beneficial to be crippled over something from the past… the mind splits and blocks things off for a reason…

Honestly though it makes me sick knowing/thinking how things that are so painful that we block out men jerk off to, and we are only accused of lying because it activates men’s shame… they get off to our pain, so they invalidate it.

Men are evil, and not particularly intelligent. They confuse being brutes with being smart and superior. Even though they’re quite literally all meet the qualifications of being at risk for others I wish we could lock them all up till.

I’m sorry you were pressured.

My brain doesn’t have a problem pulling up/remembering like it was yesterday, sexual experiences that were consensual and felt loving… I think our minds do want to heal like why would you want to remember and relive a horror? Of course you don’t remember it sounds nasty, Anon you’re nasty; I wonder if they’ve ever pressured anyone, someone has a guilty conscious perhaps (lmao my abuser said k had a guilty conscious; men are projecting 24/7 it come with their narcissistic ways. Men are liars. If their lips are moving then they are lying. They lie about being child molesters and rapists and these same men call women liars. Deep down everyone knows this to be true. )

im so sorry that happened to you. honestly i can relate somewhat bc when i didnt remember a lot of my trauma id sometimes feel terrified like... what happened to me that i dont know of? and when im in that mindset it can really feel scary to me knowing i dont actually know the full extent of what i went thru.

i dont believe ive ever done EMDR but i did do another form of trauma therapy and i couldn't handle it. we hadn't even addressed the trauma itself but rather my life before & after it and it was too much.

but yeah definitely our minds are probably just protecting us. what i do remember and the things i remembered recently that i had forgotten before have only horrified me further and disturbed me further. id rather remember less than remember it all.