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lollytea · 4 years ago

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If you don't mind, do you have any more Shere Khan and or Bagheera headcannons you would like to share?

DO I???

(You are so welcome!! I get so excited whenever somebody shows an interest in shagheera cuz of me. I live for it!!

I have like a truckload of headcanons about their past and present but I’m saving them for this fic once I get into the mindset to get back to it. Soon I’m hoping! BUT I’ve always thought way too much about Bagheera and Khan so I probably have plenty of rambly thoughts I can talk about!)

— Bagheera was raised by his mother and, to an extent, his great grandfather. Great gramps was ancient and couldn’t really do much to care for a child, other than sit in his chair and entertain the little one with stories of his life back in India. Bagheera would listen, enthralled. Bagheera idolized his great grandfather.

— The world hadn’t been very nice to Bagheera’s mother so, as a result, she kept her child sheltered. She coddled him, fussed over him and was overprotective to a fault. This led to Bagheera being a gentle, skittish, naive and high strung boy.

— He got the biggest whiplash of his life when he started school and realized that other boys were not like him. They were loud, rowdy, nonchalantly rude and played rough. Bagheera struggled a little at first but he eventually adapted, mirroring the ways of other kids so he would fit in better. It was during this time that Bagheera’s personality really began to define itself. He was painfully aware that he was small for his age, clumsy and not very fast or strong and he developed quite a complex about it. But it wouldn’t be forever. He had every intention to improve himself in that department. For the time being, he attempted to compensate with a sharp tongue and a hot temper.

— Shere Khan had been raised with his future already decided for him. Since he could walk, he had been told that he would inherit the family’s business empire and he held a lot of pride in that. However when you allow a child to mentally develop with the knowledge that one day they will basically rule the whole universe, (at least it feels like that when you’re so small and are too immature to fully grasp the reality of your future) it may do some permanent damage to that child’s psyche.

— Shere Khan was spoiled, doted on, put a pedestal, had his parents singing his praises. As their only child and heir, of course he was to be treated like he was special. Because he was. Shere Khan was special. Until he wasn’t.

— If you struggle with your studies, you’re too stupid to inherit the family fortune. If you get upset and cry, you’re too weak willed to inherit the family fortune. If you’re not good at everything you do, you’re not as brilliant as we thought you were. Years and years of mixed messages results in a child who doesn’t know for certain if he’s the most talented boy in the world or if he’s completely worthless. It’s the uncertainty that causes such instability. Shere Khan is cocky, smug, arrogant, a perfectionist, cagey, confrontational, competitive, hellbent on proving he’s the best and terrified of ever being seen as weak.

— Bagheera has had a fascination with books since he first learned to read. Unfortunately your literary options are scarce when you’re dirt poor but he does what he can. He frequents the neighborhood’s tiny library even if it’s limited, he’s reread the books he does own to the point he has them memorized and he collects newspapers and magazines to obtain as much knowledge as he can. Occasionally he’ll gather newspaper clippings of current events and make his own “history books.”

— Shere Khan is deeply interested in botany, though he really doesn’t have the time to focus on it with the overload of other subjects he’s obliged to perfect. His grandma gifted him a selection of bulbs and he likes to grow flowers on his windowsill. He’s extremely proud of his plant work. But that’s a secret shh.

— Bagheera and Shere Khan are almost equally matched academically, with Khan inching just a little ahead. However it’s clear from the start that while Khan is the sharper of the two, he can’t compare to the genuine passion Bagheera has for learning. Despite their smarts, the two boys aren’t really liked by teachers. They and their other four friends are incorrigible troublemakers, with Shere Khan being the most disruptive of them all. And while Bagheera can’t help but be dragged in, he does try to behave himself sometimes. Unfortunately he’s constantly getting in trouble for drawing in his notebook.

— There are a lot of bad aspects of this friendship. Shere Khan is prone to flippant insults and Bagheera’s self esteem is shaky enough as it is. There are times when Shere Khan makes Bagheera feel terrible about himself. And though Shere Khan doesn’t understand the extent of Bagheera’s feelings, he knows he’s making him feel inferior. And he leeches off that insecurity to assure himself of his own superiority. Shere Khan probably wouldn’t be half as annoyingly egotistical if it weren’t for Bagheera.

— However, as time goes on, this more malicious side of things starts to fade into a complicated yet comfortable companionship. It’s odd. Everyone agrees that it’s odd. While the antagonistic vibe never quite goes away, with the two constantly challenging eachother, there are days where they get along fine. It depends on their respective moods. One day, Shere Khan would hassle Bagheera until a fight breaks out and the very next day, they could chat with eachother for hours about their favourite novels and the day after that, there’s a reasonable middle ground of jokingly teasing eachother. No one understands it. Shere Khan and Bagheera never even notice that this is peculiar. It’s just their normal.

— Shere Khan and his family would usually leave for a few weeks every year to stay at their summer home. Bagheera would write him letters to keep him updated on the lives of himself, Baloo, Louie, Haithi and Kaa. Half of Khan’s responses were irritable that Bagheera was pestering him with messages, while the other half was listing words that Bagheera had misspelled. One year he returned a week after Bagheera’s birthday and passed him a parcel wrapped in brown paper and tied with string. It was a pocket dictionary. Shere Khan framed it as condescending, since Bagheera liked big words so much but was so terrible at spelling. He certainly hadn’t expected Bagheera to be as delighted with the gift as he was. But he found himself proud that he had given it to him.

— As opposed to their other friends, Shere Khan and Bagheera were fond of the night. They would often sneak out after dark and meet up for walks around the city. Sometimes they’d talk about everything and nothing, sometimes they would argue and sometimes they would say nothing at all. But they enjoyed it. Both felt the need to wander late at night and neither wanted to do it alone.

— Bagheera really started to grow as a person during his time in flight school. He made plenty of friends, grew in confidence, expanded his knowledge and had the support of his best friend, Baloo through all of it. He also learned some things about himself, which goes without saying. He hadn’t seen Shere Khan in years but upon a little reflection, realizes with amusement and a little embarrassment that his admiration towards Khan was most likely a childish crush. He comments to Baloo that being so interested in a boy who was mean to him was rather pathetic on his part. But a part of him knows that it was probably more complicated than that. Whatever it was, he accepts it but doesn’t dwell too much and moves forward. He figures he probably won’t ever see Shere Khan and while it is a little sad, he will certainly survive.

— Shere Khan also learned some things about himself while pursuing higher education but when it comes to his previous friendship with Bagheera, he opts to think about it as little as possible. While Bagheera was currently becoming far more outgoing, Shere Khan was steadily closing himself up until he was left entirely isolated. It was voluntary, of course. He had no interest in making friends and even if spending weeks without speaking to anyone had its mental effects, Khan was too stubborn to change his ways.

— Just like when they were children, Bagheera would send Khan letters. However, Khan had already made the decision that Bagheera was not to be involved in his life anymore. However he was so starved for familiar interaction, he read every letter and even wrote responses, even if he never sent them. He kept all of Bagheera’s letters in his desk drawer. And then they were moved to a box. And then that box was piled under by other boxes. As an adult, Shere Khan doesn’t quite know where exactly the letters are but he’s certain that they’re still somewhere in the house.

— When the two meet again as adults, Shere Khan comes to the reluctant conclusion that the boy he always showed up in school work, had become a far smarter and well read man than Shere Khan will ever be. And once he does allow himself to admit that, Khan can come to appreciate the person Bagheera has grown into. He’s very impressed.

— Bagheera is comfortable with himself. He wouldn’t say his self confidence is a hindrance anymore, not like when he was younger. But he finds that even as an adult, he often has moments of doubting himself. After being made feel so small for years and years, that sort of thing never quite leaves you. Even in adulthood. And isn’t it strange when the person who made you so insecure when you were children, is now the one making every attempt to build you back up again.

— Bagheera wouldn’t say he’s especially brave or anything. He’s still afraid by little things like thunder and spiders. But upon meeting Shere Khan again, he simply cannot wrap his head around the notion that anyone could find this man intimidating. All Bagheera sees is his old friend, who has taken on yet another mask to make himself seem cool.

— There are things Shere Khan has always known about Bagheera. He’s passionate and opinionated. A bit of a windbag really. As a child Shere Khan had found this annoying. But nowadays, he would consider it a pivotal aspect of Bagheera’s brilliance. Khan wasn’t all that intense about any personal matters these days so Bagheera brought so many new concepts to the table. He activated the side of Shere Khans brain that wasn’t strictly office based. It was a welcome change of pace.

— Bagheera has heard from many people that Shere Khan is apparently terrifying. It’s the icy demeanor, it seems. But oddly enough, once he had gotten used to Shere Khan all those years ago, Bagheera found his nonchalant disposition to be comforting, and now it was even more so. Khan rarely got outwardly agitated or panicky or raised his voice. And for Bagheera, somebody prone to anxiety ridden outbursts, a person like that was most welcome in his corner.

— Shere Khan has noticed that Bagheera carries around a worn, well loved pocket dictionary. Now he remembers giving him one over twenty years ago but it’s not likely that it’s the same one. Years and years go by and even long after considering Bagheera his other half, for some reason Shere Khan can never bring himself to ask. Maybe he just doesn’t want to know the truth. Believing what he wants is nice.

— Bagheera had always enjoyed sketching but it isn’t until his adulthood that he decides to indulge in buying paint supplies. Before long, a once empty space in Shere Khan’s penthouse is cluttered with paints and tarps and finished canvases propped against the walls. He’s particular fond of depicting countryside landscapes. Self portraits too but he’s afraid people will think he’s self centered. Shere Khan simply says if you’re both beautiful and artistic, then self portraits should be a no brainer. Bagheera had to politely ask Shere Khan to stop going to art galleries and showing immense interest in his art to raise the bidding among the rich crowd, as he would really like to see how much he can do on his own.

— Shere Khan played piano as a child. He didn’t remember the act of playing itself, but the obligation to sit at the stool and practice when he would much rather be outside. He associated piano with a lot of negative feelings, so once he had left his family’s home, he avoided the instrument at all cost. However, he accidentally discovered a little later than life that if he wasn’t under any pressure to do so, he quite enjoyed playing. It was calming for him. He liked the music it produced. But he was a bit out of practice. He was uncomfortable with being less than perfect at something and found the whole ordeal of improving oneself to be humiliating.

— Bagheera had a piano set up in their home for Shere Khan’s birthday. On the walls surrounding the instrument, he hung up the first few paintings he had done before he had gotten the hang of the whole art thing. It does take a month or two before Khan is willing to sit in the stool and give it a serious try but once he does, there’s music every evening at exactly 6:25pm. Not perfect music. But Bagheera makes it known how delighted he is to hear it.

— As he gets older and works gets more taxing, Bagheera has a tendency to fall asleep earlier. Usually in the evenings as he’s sitting in his chair and on page 6 of his book. Shere Khan hates this because if he leaves him there, he’ll wake up with a bad back and a creak in his neck, so he has to make the effort of dragging him to the bed. And Bagheera is not easy to carry.

— Shere Khan on the other hand can stay awake for days at a time, usually working and Bagheera hates it. Because not only is this biologically impossible for a person to pull off without losing some sanity, he doesn’t like to sleep on his own.

— They enjoy watching antique auction shows and get into extremely intense debates over it. Usually over the price or how ugly they think said antiques are.

— To this day, they still like to go on late night walks around the city. There’s a different atmosphere now that they’re no longer children but it helps them remember where they started off. And just like always, sometimes, they would talk about eveything and nothing, sometimes they would argue and sometimes they would say nothing at all.

#im sorry i talk too much there is something wrong with me <3 #i was really losing steam in the second half of this and it shows but i hope the first half is fun #talespin

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tigerdrop · 4 years ago

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Cringe is dead, talk to me about the funny half-life men and their relationship

okay here is my essay. it is titled These Guys Actually Like Each Other, and Gordon Freeman Is Just Kind Of A Dick*

(disclaimer: these are just my 2 cents. dont take me too seriously! im just some guy online who has watched this shit too many times.)

first things first. these guys actually like each other. this is a key aspect of their relationship. benrey, obviously and textually, digs gordon freeman - you dont flirt that heavily with guys you arent into, and so much of what he says and does is geared around making gordon crack up. thats pretty gay.

but the counterpart to this is that gordon freemans pretty fucking gay for benrey, too. you may say, “oh, but word of god says its not requited!” and to you i will say: bull shit. gordon is uniquely obsessed with benrey compared to all the other characters. if gordon didnt like the fucking guy, he wouldnt giggle with him and share in-jokes with him and bring him up every 5 seconds when benreys not around. thats concern, bro. thats worry. thats real shit

but i cant blame people for thinking that gordon freeman genuinely doesnt like benrey. benreys partially responsible for some of the worst things that have happened to him, the Arm Thing among them. and gordons very insistent afterward that he doesnt like benrey. he even goes so far as to try to kill benrey a couple times. to this, i must argue that gordon freeman is just kind of a dick.

lets talk facts here. canon. Lore. from the moment we hop into gordons shoes, we can see that he is a jerk to every npc on his way into black mesa. this is his default: a dude who just runs his mouth and says rude shit. he calls tommy a freak within 5 minutes of meeting him. he infantilizes the guy and barely considers him a real scientist. he doubts that bubby is a real name for like no fuckin reason. in “real life”, this is because its funny, and wayne is trying to make a funny half-life stream. in a textual sense, this is because gordon “hlvrai” freeman is a dick. this is the way he acts, consistently, throughout the series.

(brief aside: this is why the whole “gordon is a nice guy and a great dad” characterization baffles me. the way he actually acts in canon is, in short, bitchy and lacking in self-awareness. and i love that for him, i really do. it makes the moments where he just tries to be a nice guy stand out. but thats the thing: his intermittent moments of decency and kindness are not the whole of his personality! this dude kind of sucks most of the time!)

the way that gordons general asshole attitude extends to benrey is complicated. in fairness, benrey makes it his job to annoy the shit out of gordon as much as possible, and that warrants a negative attitude, but gordons pretty paranoid and ends up blaming benrey for nearly everything that happens to him, regardless of if its warranted. this is a pattern he exhibits both before and after the Arm Thing. its a little bit of a dick move! especially considering that, prior to the whole “betrayal” subplot (which was not exactly planned very far in advance), benrey is no more malicious or annoying than anybody else gordons having to travel with.

(okay, this is kind of a subjective evaluation, but still. my point stands that benrey is not any more of a hindrance to his progress than anybody else in the science crew, and neither is he particularly more violent or murderous. hell, gordon freeman has probably killed more guys than benrey. benrey just tends to get.......special treatment.)

all that said, i am still convinced that gordon really fucking likes benrey. please consider with me the following: it would be remarkably easy for gordon to just ignore him and do what he has to do, but he doesnt. he could stop engaging. he could stop thinking about benrey. he could stop bringing benrey up to the rest of the crew every time benrey leaves to do his own thing for awhile. but he doesnt. and, again, yeah, the extra-textual reason for this is “two guys are doing an improv comedy thing and bouncing off of scorpy is kind of the point”, but within the text it reads to me as gordon not being about to get the dude off his mind.

and this is in addition to all the times we see gordon being genuinely nice and receptive toward benrey! its in the little things: laughing the hardest and longest at benreys jokes. only ever reciprocating that stupid underwater “BBBBB” thing with benrey. trying to catch benrey when he falls, despite his insistence moments earlier that benrey should hop in the wack ass crystal generator and get hypermurdered. fondly remarking that benreys sweet voice sounds beautiful. his sort of flustered responses to most of benreys overt flirting. none of this is the way normal people react to a guy they hate. this is all fuckin gay to me, man.

its this combination of the outward insistence that gordon hates benrey with his inner eagerness to be around him and think about him and engage with him that gives off strong “repression” vibes, to me. for whatever reason - pride, embarrassment, resentment - gordon maintains a front of hating the guy and wanting to kill him for a lot of the series, but it doesnt gel with the way he fucking giggles and plays along half the time that benrey starts fucking with him. its a game, and that game is one of the only ways gordon knows to manifest affection for him.

(remember “oh my god, hes got a knife!”? that was the gayest shit i ever seen in my life. tittering like a schoolgirl while benrey chases him around like “im gonna get you haha”. insanity.)

the cool thing about repression is that you can have it manifest in a lot of ways! and this is where things like “headcanons” and “my own personal affection for repressed bisexual men” come in. a lot of how i characterize their relationship is an extrapolation of a lot of things like gordons canonical insecurity issues/anxiety, gordons whole anti-bootboy thing screaming “internet wokeboy who means well but probably has a lot of repressed baggage” to me, etc.

how do you get massive amounts of sexual repression out of what you see in canon, you might ask? well. if wayne would stop having gordon talking about being jerked off by the suit, or talking about chugging a 40-gal drum of potion and having to hold his piss, or worrying about being eaten by benrey the moment he sees benrey at setscale 10, maybe i would have a higher opinion of gordon “hlvrai” freeman and whatever latent psychosexual issues hes got going on. but here we are

i havent even touched yet upon how benrey feels about gordon. this one is helpfully made a little more plain by the fact that benrey very much wants to suck his dick in canon. (i dont even have to go into details. we all know.) but IMO the best part about this ship isnt just that they dig each other, but how. benrey gets overtly flirtatious in the second half of the series, but IMO his preferred method of flirting is just fucking with gordon: chasing him with knives, shoving him around in a bathroom, trying to get scans of his feet. but all in like a slapstick, giggly, fun-and-games sense, you know? at least when it works.

a lot of the time, though, it doesnt work out that way. he clearly just likes doing it whether or not gordon responds positively. which is, you know, Weird. not very nice. but also in line with the way everybody else treats gordon freeman. gordons kind of the universes chew toy in any given universe, and the same holds true here. hes kind of helpless......subjected to 4 demons attempting to make his life as difficult as possible. in a way its cathartic.

sorry. i got sidetracked. anyway, benrey very much likes to mess with him and unnerve him and demean him and i will be perfectly frank with you: that is hot. i have problems and illnesses and one of them is that i am a masochist who goes crazy for that kind of thing. calling gordon a “dirty lil boy” and telling him to “look at the mess [he] made” is some straight up kink scene shit.

i like to imagine that a lot of this behavior isnt caused just by the guy who played him wanting to be funny and antagonistic, but by benrey as a character not really understanding what constitutes “pushing a joke too far”. hes not human, and whatever he is doesnt have a very normative way of understanding the world around him, full of people who actually get hurt for real and die for real. benrey expresses what seems to be genuine surprise and distress after the Arm Thing, as if he didnt know that his actions would have serious consequences. and it doesnt seem to fully sink in afterward, either.

it reads a lot to me like hes used to video game rules and treating people around him like NPCs. if they get hurt, its no big deal, because its not real. he likes jamming random buttons on gordons interface and seeing what comes out. its probably a lot of fun for him, the same way that seeing a streamer or a youtuber suffer for our amusement is fun. its like, you know, in my opinion, gordons very cute when hes frazzled. hes also cute when hes laughing. pushing gordons buttons has a 50/50 chance of either of these things. and this is how he ultimately flirts with gordon: by pulling his pigtails.

but at the same time, benrey does legit care about gordon and knows some boundaries. benreys the one most often shooting at enemies to protect gordon, and he spent most of the last act trying to convince gordon to turn around and not fight him because they were friends (best friends, to be specific). he just lacks a lot of the emotional intelligence it would take to express the feeling of “he digs gordon and likes seeing his face get all red and sweaty regardless of the cause”. and gordon lacks the emotional intelligence it would take to express the fact that he doesnt know if he likes or hates benrey and hes scared as hell that its the former

because, lets be real. unironic benrey-liking is a sign of problems disorder. just look at all these words ive written about it.

can you imagine? this bizarrely powerful, non-human entity that can shrug off gunfire and grow to the size of a building has decided that youre his new plaything. benreys the bored guy booting up skyrim and fucking around in the console, and gordons the hapless favorite follower that hes taken a liking to. its a really fun dynamic IMO

after all this, its safe to say my title is a little misleading. the asterisk stands for * and So Is Benrey, Actually. they are both kind of awful dudes who thrive off of teasing each other and they deserve each other. and i am crazy about it. thank u for coming to my TED talk

#asky #careposting

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arsnovacadenza · 4 years ago

Text

Jean d’Arc Route Summary and Translation Chp.4

Disclaimer: This is an unofficial translation based on my somewhat serviceable Japanese skills with the aid of various kanji dictionaries (and some Google Translate). As I’m doing this mostly for practice, progress will be relatively slow and there might be changes to formatting in the future. Thank you for your patience and understanding

The italicized words in brackets are the comments I made throughout my playthrough.

As promised, here’s my summary and translation of Jean D’Arc’s route in Ikemen Vampire. Obviously, there will be SPOILERS.

Before we jump right into Chp. 4, let me give little bit of context from chapter 3 since I didn't think to translate Jean's route from the very beginning:

Comte called a meeting with other vampires in the mansion to explain their entire situation to MC. So far, they've told her about their vampiric nature and their diet. Aside from Arthur, nobody else drank blood directly from humans. Even so, Napoleon told her to at least have some caution (although he can promise that nobody was going to bite her in the future).

MC asked where Jean was since he wasn't present in the dining room where they held the meeting. Mozart asked her to come along with him to Jean's quarters on the second floor (surprise, surprise, he didn't live in some ominous tower detached from the building).

Mozart point-blank confronted MC about her bite mark, which he guessed was Jean's doing. In case you haven't read up on Chp. 1 spoilers, Jean bit MC on the first night she arrived as a mansion, afterward telling her that she should've been more alert because she WAS living among stronger creatures that COULD potentially prey on her..

(Our boy sure loves to emphasize the monstrous side of vampirism and how it changed him into a predatory creature far detached from his previous human self. There's just so much to talk about here).

MC, of course, is overwhelmed by the whole situation, including Jean's reasoning for biting her. So, she asked Mozart about Jean's possible logic for doing it since they seemed to be close friends.

And that brings us to the beginning of Chapter 4.

MC, of course, was overwhelmed by the whole situation, including Jean's reasoning for biting her. So, she asked Mozart about Jean's possible logic for doing it since they seemed to be close friends.

And that brings us to the beginning of Chapter 4.

Mozart retorted, "To think that I can talk about his feelings on his behalf just because we're friends is a ridiculous assumption."

MC is taken aback by his sharp words, but admitted that he's right anyway.

He continued "In other words, go talk to him yourself and use your head."

And just like that, he opened a door and pushed MC into a room, sending her barreling on the floor. He then closed the door and called out to her from outside, basically saying. "Your misunderstanding of our relationship is wack. Come back after you talk to the guy himself."

She thought about the absurdity of the situation as the sound of Mozart's footsteps grew distant. Suddenly, a shadow fell upon her, and she followed to where it led.

In front of her was a figure gazing at her with empty eyes.

It's Jeanne. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

She stood up and apologized for suddenly barging into his room while averting her eyes from Jean's. Then she continued.

"As I'm going to burden myself upon everyone in this mansion for a month, I thought about paying my respects again." To which Jean only answered. "Is that so."

MC tried to give him an excuse as to why she wanted to go to such lengths just to greet him, which Jean didn't seem to care about. (Boy, he's rude let me tell you.) All the while, she kept thinking about how she'd soon be saying goodbye to everyone in the mansion without coming to terms with this one guy.

As MC fidgeted under his unwavering stare, she suddenly remembered her earlier talk with Mozart. She needed to confront Jean about the biting incident and understand his side of the story.

Piecing together the information she obtained from the morning meeting with everyone else, especially about their mealtimes and regarding Blanc and Rouge, she concluded that he didn't bite her out of starvation.

And she also looked back to Jean's words on that fateful night.

"If you want to return to the safety of your world, you better have a sense of danger."

"Think about how you should act to protect yourself."

(So basically Jean's telling her "If you ain't strong enough you ain't gonna last long, bitch")

But MC decided to press him more, anyway. "Why, on that night, did you bite me? Can you tell me?"

Jean answered, "If I told you the reason why what are you going to do with it?"

(Jean, that is not how you talk to ppl)

An awkward atmosphere hung between them, but Jean continued. "You weren't aware that we're vampires."

"Your wandering aimlessly around the mansion is an eyesore—"

"If you think I'm an eyesore, won't it be better if you're free of my presence?"

"Even if you said I was just an eyesore," she fired at Jean. "You didn't exactly see me as prey, do you?"

And Jean basically just answered, “Quite the carefree woman, aren’t you?”

My arms were pulled, and fingers encased in a white glove tilted up my chin.*

"Regarding that night, it doesn't matter to me however you interpret it," he murmured. "If you think of it as me being kind to you [for giving you a warning about the true nature of this mansion's residents], so be it."

"Don't approach me anymore outside of this, and get out of here this instant."

After Jean gave her the boot, MC broke down and thought about the entire confrontation, her heart racing. However, she managed to collect herself and left Jean’s door. Unbeknownst to her, Mozart had been watching the entire scene from afar. "Alas, it's no use, is it?" he sighed.

“Indeed. It is an impossible feat to unlock Monsieur Jean’s heart, especially for a newcomer like MC”

That surprised Mozart pushed MC into Monsieur Jeanne’s room.

The butler asked Mozart if he was worried about Jean. From the time they first met, Jean had been “rejecting various things, and at the same time absolutely gives up on everything.”

"The reason for that, I don’t know….. That's Jean's way of life. He can do as he pleases."

"But as his friend....it does concern me a little."

“A friendship between beautiful people, how precious!”

(That’s not what you should be focusing on, you idiot).

“Herr Mozart, if you give up, then that’s when everything is truly over.” Sebastian beamed. “Please leave it to me as this mansion’s butler, for I have something in mind.”

Mozart shrugged his shoulders as he gazed at the eccentric butler’s smile.

(This part is more dialogue and screenshot-heavy as I want to avoid misinterpretation as much as possible)

A quiet night descends upon a moonlit church at the foot of a forest, far away from the mansion. Inside, a lone man walks under the moonlight, reflected on the stained glass patterns. He narrowed his orbs*, whose left and right colors are different.

“Master, do forgive me for not paying my respects as of late.” He greeted another man.

“Ah, Will. Have there been any changes lately?”

Will proceeded to tell ??? about a young woman stumbling through the door from another world and into the mansion. He also notified Vlad that the Comte has allowed her to impose on them for a month.

The white-haired man smiled amusedly. “Ah, the most intriguing things do occur, don’t they?”

“But what I can’t comprehend,” Shakespeare frowned. “This woman is seemingly an ordinary human of no virtue.”

“As if an impurity has mixed in with the brilliance of the great men.”

Shakespeare hoped that she wouldn’t be a hindrance to his plans, and I quote: “A creature that only invites tragedies instead of comedies. And I have no use of such mediocre tragedies.”

After some exchange, ??? said, “A creature that only invites tragedies instead of comedies. And I have no use of such mediocre tragedies.”

"Indeed," Shakespeare concurred. "I strive for the finest tragedy with the most exquisite cast."

"The great men who are set to dance on the stage you've set up," His master smirked. "They make the finest marionettes, don't they?"

"That is why, Master, I've decided to join hands with you."

"With you, who carries the same power as the Count....."

"What is it you desire, Will?"

"Can you lend me your power and arrange for a livelier cast?"

"The greater the obstacle they face, the more exceptional the tragedy that ensues."

"I'll think about it," his master replied.

Smiling elegantly, the red-eyed man looked up at the moon. Behind his eyes shone a glint of a power that can move the entire world.

(In KennieJD’s words: “You both deserve each other cause y’all crazy as hell”).

*1: I nearly fell off my chair translating this part

*2: The original kanji says “双降”, which doesn’t come up if you search on any kanji dictionary. I asked Asha about this, and she said it’s a typo on Cybird’s part. It’s supposed to be 双眸, which means ‘a pair of eyes’

I didn't intend this to be this lengthy and dialogue-focused, but I realized that I really enjoy writing lines for bitchy characters. Jean and Vlad's were especially a delight to work with! I couldn’t do much for Shakespeare’s lines tho. I haven't been an English Literature student for two years.

Tagging @hokkaido-fox for now. Let me know if you want to be tagged in upcoming summaries and mini-translations!

Credits to @ashavazesa for her tremendous help with some of the kanji.

#ikemen vampire #ikevam jean #ikevam jeanne d'arc #ikevam jean route #rikevam spoilers #riri tries translating

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snkpolls · 4 years ago

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SnK Chapter 133 Results

The chapter poll closed with 1456 responses. This month’s poll results brought to you by /u/berthototototo ,u/staraves, u/_Puppet_, @shifter-lines and @momtaku

RATE THE CHAPTER 1,365 responses

Nearly 80% of the fandom rated chapter 133 as good or great. In comparison with most SnK chapters, that’s on the low side. Since this was yet another set up chapter it’s possible that the fandom is waiting to see what payoff there will be before they throw their full support behind the developments introduced this month.

lmao good chapter but wtf

It's the best paced chapter since the rumbling began.

All I can say is I can't wait for the next chapter.

Great start to the end

There were a lot of contrived moments here on the first read but I'm hopeful things will play out in an unexpected way.

One of the better recent chapters, felt well paced and most of the dialogue and events seemed logical and fitting. Nice to see one more location added to the AOT world before the end.

I’ve been doing polls for almost 30 chapters now, this is the first where I have no chapter rating, I need to see how all this plays out before I decide if I love it or hate it.

All of this self-reflection is annoying. Though that feeling is just more because of the fact that waiting a whole month for another ‘these hands have killed’ chapter is not exciting when we are so close do the end and I just want to see the ending already.

Average as fuck, the intention is good but the execution is not it, and the dialogues feel very forced and repetitive.

Not good at connecting the narrative plot points 'cause there's...hundreds of them at this point but I'm here for the character interactions and to see just what the hell that "See you, Eren" from the beginning actually meant

Good but I worry about the pacing, some of this should have came earlier, will wait to see what comes from it.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT 1,379 responses

Looks like a lot of people were glad to see that this conflict will not be resolved with a little heart-to-heart (34.9%). People also loved seeing child Eren being spooky with his new pal Ymir (18.8%). 11% liked seeing Eren’s friends reach out to him – or at least try. 9.4% liked Levi, because Levi. Connie, Jean, and Reiner sharing a moment of understanding warmed 8.6% of your hearts. 5.6% were happy to see Falco and Gabi brainstorming, and seeing Mr. Leonhart being a badass was the favorite moment for 3.6%.

I don’t know how it didn’t come up in this survey that Levi called Armin COMMANDER. That was my favorite moment by far. I also enjoyed the confirmation of Levi still caring about Eren. He always uses Zeke as a scapegoat. I somewhat feel bad for monke.

Isayama yeeting the Talk no Jutsu trope was my favorite moment!

I CAN"T BELIEVE THAT FLYING TITAN IS CANON LIKE HOLY SHIT

It was tough for me to decide a favorite moment from this chapter because every scene in this one was awesome. That's how fantastic of a chapter it was! I guess the only issue for me is the possibility of the Flying Titan actually becoming a reality when it felt too good to be true, but looking back, I think there was some foreshadowing to this becoming a reality.

God bless Isayama for the flying titan reveal

Favourite part was child Eren and Ymir standing in the paths.

Kiyomi being willing to die and sink with the ship actually hit me harder than I expected

Levi being the smollest husband is my favorite.

The gang forgiving RBA makes my heart weep with both melancholy and joy

WHO WAS THIS CHAPTER’S MVP 1,363 responses

Kiyomi and Eren are similar shades of green in this chart but I assure you it was Eren’s ranting about freedom (39.8%) and not Kiyomi’s talk of sacrifice and atonement (1%) that granted Eren this month’s MVP. Armin (18.9%), Mr. Leonhardt (9.5%), Falco (6.2%) and Levi (5.7%) are the other visible pieces of the pie.

#TEAMEREN

ANNIE IS THE BEST GIRL!

EREN IS A GENEROUS GOD

Falco is a good boy

Proud of armin for not backing out from commander role🤩

I love every time Eren shows up nowadays, other characters are getting a little worrying tho, Its starting to seem like alot of them have outlived their usefulness to the story and are just repeating stuff until their deaths.

Reiner handsome. That is all.

eren is just a cool badass

WILL ONYANKOPON ACTUALLY MANAGE TO GET THE PLANE TO EREN WITHOUT ISSUE, OR WILL THE HALF-CAPACITY FUEL TANK BECOME A RELEVANT POINT? 1,363 responses

Because Isayama has made clear that details as small as which direction Grisha is looking while leaving the house can’t go unquestioned in this manga, we asked about the fuel tank which is at half-capacity thanks to Floch, and whether or not it will present problems for those on board. A strong plurality, at 44.2% of you, think that they’ll run out of fuel, but it won’t be a massive hindrance. In second place, with almost exactly half of the votes as the first answer, 22.2% of you think Onyankopon will use the plan in some sort of suicidal attack, and just under 20% think the fuel tank will be a major roadblock in some other way. Lastly, ~14% of voters said they’ll make it just fine despite the damage. I admire your optimism.

I hope in vain that Onyankopon doesn't die. He won't even get to go to PATHS if he does.

THE TALK WITH EREN FINALLY HAPPENED… SORT OF. WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING DESCRIBE YOUR THOUGHTS? 1,371 responses

Multiple select charts aren’t the prettiest but we like to think they do a good job of showcasing what the fandom thinks on a topic. While none of the options this month reached any sort of consensus, they do provide a snapshot of what we want and expect from Eren.

Of the items offered, only “I’m glad Eren was firm and there will likely be no Talk no Jutsu” reached 50%. The other more popular choice were “I’m surprised Eren reached out to them instead of the other way around” (41%), “THAT PATHS STUFF IS STILL SO COOL” (38.8%) and “I’m glad so many were able to talk to him and it wasn’t just EMA” (33%).

The more negative options, ‘Eren was unnecessarily cruel, his friends deserve better”(13.8%), “I’m mad that Eren is letting them fight him. It’s like he wants to lose” (10.6% ) and “I don’t like Eren dismissing the possibility of talking” (8.1%) received only a fraction of support.

it looks like Eren is committed to HIS path, which backs his friends into a really tough corner. I can't say I'm surprised; we've seen it coming since they got to the ocean, we just didn't want to believe it.

Paths do be lit tho

I really wish Eren would stop the rumbling. He had done more than enough.

Eren's speech, didn't feel like him talking. It was way too typical, he used his catchphrases way too many times. This could be done on purpose for an in-story actual reason, but if it wasn't, i'm not a fan of it. The alliance talking about the colossal being able to defeat eren, makes me think armin won't be able to. I think Armin and Reiner still don't understand Eren's intentions, i fully think he does not want to be stopped. Eren is going to try to kill all of them.

I love Eren dialogues. I just loved the chapter and paths scene so much. Quality character development!!

Feel sad about Erens "catch me if you can" - I wish that the alliance will work together with Eren ....

Thank god for no talk no jutsu

he's been allowing them to use their titan powers, even against the Yeagerists who were supposed to defend their country. That means Eren doesn't dise with his friends, but doesn't side with his own supporters. Yeah, Eren's a dick.

WHOSE WORDS TO EREN DID YOU ENJOY THE MOST? 1,366 responses

The attempts at talking to Eren were almost a character rorschach test as each individual brought up what was closest to their hearts in an effort to stop the rumbling. While none of their pleas impacted Eren, we were curious which one the fandom enjoyed most. Levi’s promise of an ass kicking (32.5%) was the favorite, distantly followed by Mikasa’s more impassioned “Let us share your burdens” (24.9%).

Levi beeing sassy again - awsome

Mikasa saying she wants Eren to share his sins with her may be a hint for what's to come. I think she won't be able to let go of Eren and turn against the alliance to protect him.

Levi is hilarious

Honestly, the alliance have been so clueless that even Eren himself had to spare a moment for them, explicitly telling them that talking is never an option with Eren ‘I must always fight’ Yeager.

Look man, I'm an Eremika shipper and all but I really wish Mikasa didn't go on her usual "I'm here for you Eren" spiel in paths. It felt a little forced, and this would've been a good arc to have some more upfront and major changes as to how Mikasa sees Eren, but to get that usual "100% devotion" Mikasa that we've seen all series after we got signs that she's changed how she sees Eren was kind of disappointing.

I knew that the alliance talking to Eren won't work

Everyone is all sad while trying to convince Eren to stop the rumbling, and there's Levi cracking up jokes 😂

EREN PREEMPTIVELY TOLD THE ALLIANCE TO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH HIM AND TO ATTACK HIM WITH THE INTENT OF KILLING HIM. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? 1,357 responses

It seems to be another month of Isayama dangling Eren’s motivations in front of us, though this time we got some substance in the form of some surprising words to the alliance. The most popular interpretation is the straightforward one (30.1%), that it’s as Eren says and he is genuine in not wanting to step on his friends’ freedom. Up next is people who support Reiner’s hypothesis of Eren wanting somebody to stop him (21.2%), with decreasingly popular choices being Eren wants to be killed only after the rumbling is complete (15.5%), he’s just continuing his daily “freedom” spiel (12.4%), and he’s confident in the alliance’s inability to stop him (11.6%). Many opted for the write in option to share their original theories (5.6%).

Seemed like a cry for help to me.

Im convinced that he wants to be stopped, he just doesn’t realize it yet.

Inconsistent character writing lol

Eren loves his friends, so much that he is unleashing the Rumbling, but he only cares about them on a physical level. He wants them to stay alive, no matter how they are mentally.

Eren is in the darkest part of his mind and wants to die. However, his obession with freedom is strong, so he keeps moving foward and won't allow his friends to just kill him without fight.

He wants the alliance to challenge fate, as he thinks the destruction of the world is inevitable

I believe that Eren does want to win but doesn’t want to live with the guilt, but I just felt this moment was too forced, and honestly a little bit cringe, just didn’t feel like something Eren would say

It wasn't Eren talking

No idea, not even sure it's really Eren talking

There are only a few possibilities that make sense: Reiner is right and he wants them to kill him, Ymir is controlling the PATHS and trying to imitate Eren but doesn't quite understand that his concept of freedom is hypocritical, OR Eren only sees restriction of freedom enforced through PATHS as being truly taking away their freedom, like he thinks it's alright to manipulate, gaslight, beat and imprison his friends using his own voice and hands, but using the Founder is somehow too far.

it’s all a part of his plan even tho the fandom hates it. Just wait for it guys ;)

Eren wants the world to see that the Eldians they hate are saving them from the rumbling

If allaiance kills eren then the world will respect eldians more

Zero Requiem

I don't like the Lelouch scenario, it is contrary to what Eren's character really is. I believe there is more to this because why say it now, when he could have said it before ? There has been many holes with what he's doing.

Lelouch ending

LELOUCH LELOUCH LELOUCH

It means he values freedom over safety... which makes him look like a hypocrite because a lot of times he had no problem taking their freedom from them lol

hes hypcritical asf, getting to decide who can be free or not when he that literally was bothered by that himself. I think it was very selfish

Eren has become crazy had this point and his reasoning doesn't make sense, he's trying to dodge reality

Eren is just trying to define, create, and justify his own version of “freedom” because he can’t let go of his childish way of looking at the world. Letting his friends have their “freedom” almost feels like a cheap necessity he had to toss into his homemade definition of freedom.

Eren is a fucking narcissist, a hypocrite.

Eren is dumb

Eren is just doing what he has to do.

Eren's cool as fuck

He's literally giving them the choice to do what they want. The freedom of will. It's up to them to decide if they want to stop him by force or not. At the end of the day, Eren is already firmly set on doing what's necessary for Paradis.

If they want to die trying to stop the rumbling, they are free to do so. But, he wants them to know that negotiating is useless

Reiner is wrong, Eren doesn't want to be stopped because the Cringevengers are trying to take away his freedom to destroy his enemies

EREN IS DEPICTED AS A CHILD, AND WITH THE SAME SHADED EYES AS YMIR ONCE DID. WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING EXPLANATIONS DO YOU BELIEVE? 1,339 responses

Child Eren appears again in this chapter, but now resembling Ymir even more. About half of the fandom thinks that the shaded out eyes is a sign of loss of free will. The other popular option, at 42.1% is that they’re depicted at the age they first got their titan powers. The idea that their eyes symbolize ignorance and that their child form symbolizes immaturity each got about 16%, and 10.5% of fans think Yams drew it this way just to look cool.

Alliance POV. They cannot understand Eren/Ymir, therefore their eyes (=windows to the soul) are obscured. Note that Ymir's eyes gradually got clearer from Eren's POV as he humanized her.

Carla died when Eren was still a child. He never healed from this traumatic experience, his child-self is still strongly suffering, that why he appeared as a child. I believe that the child next to Ymir is the darkest part of Eren's soul.

child self image is reflective of eren entering a state of naivety so as to bear the pain and gravity of the rumbling which he has caused

I think it symbolizes a kinda immature concept of freedom

"Slaves don't need two eye balls". Eren is a slave to freedom.

shaded eyes represent being blinded by their desire for freedom & child-like state represents their innocence even if deemed to be something more

The are the ages of their greatest trauma

Adult Eren couldn't live with the guilt so he's letting child Eren carry the weight.

Both of them are doing everything for the sake of others, at the moment they aren't even thinking about themselves. EREN wants the people he loves and cares about to live a happy life and for that he is ready to sacrifice himself.

Bert had shaded eyes when talking to Armin too. I think it means the character is going to do questionable actions but in a mysterious manner. If that makes sense…

Bertold had the same shaded eyes when he was acting as the villain in rts. Same for Eren/Ymir here. Like Bertold, he is willing to kill his friends

Eren could have split his psyche similar to Reiner did with Marco. He is so distraught from his actions that he is using his child self's willpower to continue moving forward.

What about that parasite thing that attached to Ymir in the tree? What if that's the big bad of the series, and has taken over Eren?

The eyes are closed because they are tapped into the Yggdrasil network and are looking at what is happening in the real world through an inner eye.

YMIR APPEARS TO BE ALIGNED WITH EREN. WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS? 1,329 responses

Ymir and Eren standing side by side was quite the sight to behold, but what does it mean? The large majority at 55.9% believe it indicates that they’re on the same side wanting the rumbling. 19.2% believe Eren to be a pawn to her now, 15.6% think it’s the other way around, and 9.3% think she’s on his side but is having doubts about her allegiance.

Corrupted by the Eren’s idea of freedom (Ymir’s freedom was taken from her); Child Eren is a prisoner of Adult Eren’s future actions.

Eren is taking Ymir's place as the lord of the Paths. Like Ymir, after he dies, he will live on in the Paths.

I low key think Eren is kinda being controlled by Ymir/ conflicting with her

Eren is now like Ymir, enslaved in Paths to something bigger

Ymir started controlling Eren when he was a child

Ymir and Eren are tied together now. One is definitely being influenced by the inner emotions of the other (possibly Ymir's years of resentment for her life since we saw Eren "sleeping" at the end of one of the previous chapters with the birds)

Eren as a child symbolises regression, immaturity and narrow-mindedness. Eren refuses to be an adult (aka making compromises, listening to others…) and enslaves himself to the simplistic ideology he had as a child. Ymir was a literal slave who never managed to emancipate herself despite her power. I think the parallel between the two is to make Eren's state of mind more explicit than it already was in 131.

EY is cute and canon

EREN SAYS ALL THAT’S LEFT IS TO FIGHT. WHO IN THE APPROACHING BATTLE WOULD HE BE WILLING TO KILL? 1,333 responses

Eren’s willingness to kill his own friends has been a topic of debate ever since the two sides separated, and this chapter pushed that question further. People seem to think Eren would hesitate the most with Mikasa and Armin, and hesitate the least with Pieck and Reiner, with the others falling into various middle positions, as the chart shows. The requisite to avoid Eren’s hit list seems to unsurprisingly be a pre-existing bond with him, with some leeway being given to children. Except for Gabi, it seems, but we all know how Eren fondly refers to her as “that brat”.

Eren has accepted that he will kill his friends, and wants to get it over with

Eren explicitly said "If someone tries to take my freedom, I won't hesitate to take theirs". That was in private to Zeke, so I don't doubt for a minute he will kill anyone in the Cringevengers he needs to in order to achieve it.

He is willing to kill them and I can't wait when some of the 104th will die already

Eren kill Armin already please

If Falco dies, I cries.

IF NEITHER SIDE STEPS DOWN, EREN SAYS THEY’LL COLLIDE. WHO DO YOU THINK WILL WIN THE BATTLE? 1,349 responses

The time to make your bets is here! As the long-awaited battle between the alliance and Eren approaches, the audience is almost evenly divided on what they think the outcome will be. If this poll counts for anything, the alliance are projected as the victors (50.6%), narrowly edging out (by only 15 votes) the believers in Eren as the winner (49.4%). Whether you attribute the neck-and-neck result to the unpredictability of the setup, or simply too many clearly incorrect people from the opposing side to yours, is up to you.

The alliance will win GG WP

The alliance have 1 skilled warrior , 2 skilled former SC soldiers , 5 Titan shifters and 2 Ackermans but I still thinking that they can't defeat Eren or Ymir .

th Eldian empire will win in the end and the outside world will get what it deserves...I hope

Eren naturally shouldn’t be able to be stopped. He’s way too powerful.

I appreciate the fact that Commander Armin definitely has no tangible plan and it was the SC part manifesting their death throes for a peaceful end. Still I can't help but cringe and not feel anything at their attempt.

don’t think it’s a win/lose situation between eren and alliance, both with win and lose in some way and there will be some 3rd option

I can't wait to see the alliance-Eren fight. I just can't wait

Isayama's writing with his asshole. Whoever side gets to win, we lose.

LEVI RETURNED FROM PATHS WITH MORE FINGERS THAN HE STARTED WITH. IS THIS A MISTAKE? 1,342 responses

We’ve seen Isayama make mistakes that the fandom took too far before, is this the case again? In an incredibly close vote, 51.5% think it is just a mistake, while the other half at 48.5% are convinced Isayama slipped in this plot development.

I've been saying this for years but Levi getting his fingers back from the Paths was definitely intentional and I'm sure the relationship between Ackermans and the Paths are going to be a major plot point. And after 132 I'm wondering if the 'afterlife' aspect will prove important too.

Is it just me or has Annie been going through a growth spurt lately? Either that or Isayama's artwork is getting sloppy. Not to even mention Levi's fingers…

This was quite a chapter. So many things that could happen especially with the flying titan. And then levi possibly having his fingers back. Then learning annie’s titan power. I heard aot will have a bad ending but i hope the the alliance will win.

Levi is being healed by the coordenate. Ackerman's blood is "half titan" so he must have recovered because of that just like titans do.

WHICH COMMANDER HAD A BETTER TITAN DRAWING? 1,352 responses

Can Armin live up to Erwin? While he’s asking himself that, the fandom has decided that in the drawing department he has not. Erwin’s (in?)famous turkey titan drawing ate up 61.2% of the votes compared to Armin’s drawing from this chapter at 38.8%.

none of this would have happened if my goat erwin was still alive

IF EREN IS INDEED STOPPED BY SOMEONE, WHETHER IT BE KILLING HIM OR INHERITING HIS TITANS, WHO MAKES THE MOST SENSE FOR THIS ROLE? 1,349 responses

The bets are on Mikasa being the one to stop Eren and/or inherit his burdens at 30.2%. Her words to Eren this chapter could definitely be foreboding in hindsight. Armin, leader of the uphill battle against Eren, is the runner-up at 26.5%. 18.6% think the answer is no one – presumably because Eren will either wipe ‘em all out, or be the one to decide his own fate. 13.5% think Reiner will be the one, he is the same as Eren after all. But everyone is the same nowadays, so who knows?

We then have Gabi (4.3%), Falco (2%), and Zeke, Jean, and Levi tied (1.5%). Annie follows with a tiny fraction (0.4%), and Pieck, the ultimate underdog, has the fewest votes at 2, or 0.1%.

...Hang on, aren’t we missing someone? Yes – even below Pieck, there is the underdog of underdogs: literally nobody thinks Connie will be the one to end it all. Will he ever be considered a real main character? :’(

I'm leaning towards Mikasa.

It feels like there was a lot of foreshadowing for Reiner to go head-to-head with Eren one final time.

Can't wait for Gabi to eat Eren.

WILL LEVI KILL ZEKE? 1,322 responses

It’s been over 4 years both in and out of world since Levi vowed to kill Zeke. Will he end up doing it after all this time? The majority of fans think he will, at 54.8%. 18.5% think he’ll die before completing his goal, and 14.2% think he’ll reassess the situation and his goal of killing Zeke.

Both will die fighting each other

He may kill him and realise it was pointless, both as revenge and to stop the rumbling. Or possibly he'll be prevented from using violence as a solution this time. No forgiveness though.

He will defeat him but die just after killing him

He will fulfill his promise to Erwin but he'll die soon after

I do think he will but I don't think it's about Erwin's promise anymore

He will prioritize stopping Eren over killing Zeke

Please don't kill monke. Let him redeem himself first. Monke to save the world!

He won't necessarily forgive Zeke, but he will take pity on his sad state of affairs, but more importantly realise stopping the rumbling is more important than his petty revenge.

I predict Levi will kill Zeke, but it will be some kind of suicidal attack that will get him killed in the process.

Zeke will die but not by Levi's hand

He'll be forced to team up with him to save the world. But won't forgive him.

Nah, characters never get what they want, plus I don't see a real fight between them, that would be repetitive and too predictable and Zeke is probably too distressed/depressed over what happened in paths. And that would be really boring if Levi killed him tbh.

No, Because Zeke is already dead

I can’t believe the Beast Titan could be any animal they wanted, including a T-Rex, and that boring jackass picked a monkey. As if he wasn’t enough of a loser.

HOW CORRECT ARE ARMIN AND LEVI IN THINKING THE RUMBLING CAN BE STOPPED BY KILLING ZEKE? 1,343 responses

Levi suggests to the alliance that instead of ending Eren’s life to stop the rumbling, they could opt to kill the man previously called the key to the Founder, Zeke. Only 4.2% of people agree that this would help in stopping the rumbling, with the most popular response at 41.8% being it would fail due to Eren having full control of the Founder. The belief that Zeke’s death would have alternatively disastrous consequences is also popular, with 27.8% thinking Ymir’s presence would allow the titans’ advancement to continue, and 26.2% expecting the lack of command over the titans would render them mindless, but still functioning.

killing zeke probably won’t solve anything since the rumbling has already started, it might make a difference since eren isn’t royal but i think it’s just too late, and I really don’t want zeke to get killed

They'll find either that Zeke is already dead and was only needed alive for a moment to begin the rumbling, or that his continued existence is still necessary for defeating Eren somehow.

Everyone's talking about "stop Eren using Zeke," and here I am remembering "Zeke, stop Eren."

How is killing Zeke going to solve what Eren is doing? The poor guy just wanted to achieve his dream of eliminating all pp’s and instead he has to bear the burden of the destruction of the whole world.

Killing Zeke instead of Eren would be an emotional cop out for the Alliance. I hope that won't become the case, because that would make the ending of this manga super dissatisfying.

WHICH WHOLESOME MOMENT BETWEEN COMRADES DID YOU LIKE THE MOST? 1,334 responses

In such dire times, wholesome moments really are appreciated. 43.5% loves seeing Annie recall her 104th days the most, while 28.3% appreciated Connie accepting comfort from Reiner. The rest of you were split pretty closely between Gabi and Falco being adorbs together and Armin emulating Hange in his interactions with Onyankopon.

Annie's flashbacks of the Warriors I rly liked, Reiner smugly looking at Bertholdt was rly heartwarming...

It is very heart-warming how close the surviving members of the 104th still feel to each other after all said and done, including Eren.

the 104 got some understanding /closure for previous actions, so that's nice

Gabi and falco should have listened to Annie when she told them to take care of the charcoal, instead of ruining the chapter, and spewing some nonsense

WHICH OVERUSED PHRASE FROM THIS CHAPTER ARE YOU MOST TIRED OF? 1,315 responses

Isayama sure is hammering home certain themes and character motivations; is it too much? 29.1% are tired of hearing everyone scream EREH, which is most often attributed to Mikasa, but it branched out this chapter to all his friends. 22.3% got bored of everyone being the same as each other; because when everyone’s the same, no one is. 19.5% are tired of every other word out of Eren’s mouth being freedom, 16.4% want Levi to get an original thought, and 12.7% want Eren to shut up about his other catchphrase and just stay put for one second.

Muh ereh

I LOVE YOU EREN KEEP MOVING FORWARD 4EVER

"The dialogue between Jean, Reiner, and Connie couldn’t have been worse. It felt like a bunch of stock phrases, “we’re the same”, “traitor”, etc.

Can't remember who said this and where but Eren does love his friends, it's just that he only cares about their physical well-being. ""You are free to do as I see fit.""

Ereh: Reiner, I am the same as you. I know that my enemies are the same but I have no choice because Society™

Rainah: No, you are wrong. I had a choice, but I attacked the walls because I was selfish and because I wanted to.

Ereh: Damn bro, same. Time to commit war crimes!

Man, each time I feel like the 104 can't be more annoying... I can't stand their whining about ereh, how they don't wan't to kill him and that ereh is just misguided, let's talk, please come back uwu.

The forced ""We're the same"" bullshit is really getting on my nerves. Reiner broke a wall with the goal of committing a genocide against innocent civilians. Jean and Connie killed a few soldiers with the goal of STOPPING a genocide against innocent civilians. No, these actions are not the same, and I'm sick of Isayama trying to make us think that they are. Now, I can forgive it because it seems like he's just going for a "Jean, Connie and Reiner all murdered former comrades and are racked with guilt because of it" comparison, which I'm fine with, but we're on thin ice here with the moral reductionism.

"We're the same". I'm sorry, are they suggesting the 104th and Warriors are ANYTHING alike? the 104th are victims of circumstance who were forced to make terrible choices. The Warriors willingly slaughtered hundreds of thousands. The Warriors are horrendous monsters beyond redemption, and it's insulting of Connie to say they're the same as those inhuman creatures.

even tho I liked that Connie and Jean acknowledge their similarities with the Warriors, they are still not the same, the Warriors were brainwashed coerced children when they started their crimes, the 104th were adults in high positions when they killed innocents and they enabled Eren to do the Rumbling by ignoring the signs, while RBA almost from the start fought to prevent the Rumbling.

The chapter's named Sinners, Isayama called feeding a person to a titan a sin right as chapter 84 came out, and EAMJC killing Bert still hasn't been addressed under these circumstances? They're saying they are the same as the warriors which isn't true in any capacity and I hope they fall on their ass soon to realise they are not at all the same.

Eren saying freedom all the time has been cringe since the EMA table confrontation.

WHAT WILL FALCO’S FLYING TITAN BE USED FOR? 1,335 responses

The most popular two options, at roughly a third each, are that Falco will come in clutch at the final battle, and that he’ll save them when the plane starts to falter.

Carrying the Eldian evacuees to safety but remember there are also Marleyans there. A titan saving Marleyans, by its own will, will all help for the final peace treaties

Either taking Annie, Gabi, Yelena, and Kiyomi off the boat and picking up the Alliance in case the Flying Boat runs out of fuel at any point, or carrying the Eldians from Liberio to safety in case there are no airships left at Fort Salta to escort them.

What's the point of Annie going off if she's just going to join back a chapter later after more aruani flashbacks?

I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE IN THAT

Eren is baiting him with that "scenery" because he needs to have the 9 titans to end the Ymir's curse

Fly gabi to the founding Titan to snipe eren

I get a feeling that he is the one who may inherit Eren's titans. What would be the point of giving him the titan powers, if he doesn't have any bigger role to play? Falco is somehow opposite to Eren, so if the power of the FT and AT are given to such pure boy like him, the future of the world might become brighter.

I thought the dialogue hinted more at Annie eating Falco's spinal fluid and gaining wings. Also I think it will be funny if Falco's memories are not from the previous Beast Titan but is actually the "Scenery" (it looks suspiciously similar)

Transporting Annie, Gabi and Falco where needed for the plot.

I wonder if Annie mentioning eating birds meant anything, or if it was just another poor attempt at humour by Isayama?

He'll transform thinking he can fly, find out he can't, the ship will sink and that's how Isayama will kill the characters on the ship

He'll fly far away on a different planet and start a new colony. Oh wait there is atmosphere. Whatever paths will lend him some cheat codes :P

THE PLOT POINTS HINTED AT IN THIS CHAPTER HAVE SPARKED SOME BACKLASH. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT EACH ONE?

So many revelations! The most controversial ones are Falco potentially becoming a flying titan, him getting Zeke’s memories, and the Female Titan powers; though more people are ok with each of these than not. Eren letting his friends continue to use titan powers, and the Beast Titan being multiple animals are the most accepted developments.

The idea of a flying titan is forceful and too convenient. I wonder how Isayama will draw it and not make it look like something odd.

The flying titan thing is the dumbest and most forced thing in snk I've seen. It feels like something from a fanfic and just seems so out of place. It's so sudden and forced. There are other things that seem really rushed in this chapter too. Like the bits about Annie's titan etc.

Lol at people calling anything about this “forced”. AoT fans pretend they’re a lot smarter than they actually are.

The stuff about Female titan and flying titans and memories being distributed was maybe a bit too conveniently delivered in the very end of the whole series, but tbh it's still plausible in-universe. I take it as a sign that Isayama knows what he wants and he wants to do the ending justice, not just get it out there as soon as possible with as little work as possible."

I'm glad the Falco can fly because it means the rest of the alliance can join the final battle and him flying was well built up. What I think should have been set up better is this power coming specifically from the Beast Titan. All past users we have seen of it was a monkey and we're just being told it could be other animals now?

some things (like zeke's beast memories, female titan abilities, flying titan, warrior families being alive) were so convenient, but I'm not too mad about it

Someone had thought about the beast titan animal theory before, since there was a giant horse at those old "paintings" that tell the story about eldia in marley's perspective, it is in chapter 87 i think, when grisha's parents are lecturing him.

The falco thing is too forced. The beast titan being any animal isn’t that forced but it should’ve been revealed waaay before, not in the same chapter as this whole falco flying thing.

I fully expected the Liberio Eldians to be alive, but was not expecting them to be en route to Fort Salta.

I don't like how plot convenient it is that the Eldian evacuees from Liberio are heading for Fort Salta just like Eren with his rumbling titans, the Alliance fighters on the flying boat, and now apparently the boat crew as well.

I always thought that suggested all the forms that titan could take. In retrospect it feels obvious -- Yams, you practically telegraphed that by naming the kid Falco in the first place.

What do you mean it's stupid that Galliard cured world hunger by creating bacon with his Titan form? His name is PORCO

since when could the Female Titan copy other powers? Did I just miss that? Because it just comes across as a convenient way to get Falco, Gabi, and Annie to the final battle.

annie will eat a boat and tranform into a boat titan AND KILL EREN WITH HER BOATNESS.

WHICH TRAIN MOMENT DID YOU ENJOY THE MOST? 1,332 responses

After being implied in 125, we get to see the Liberio evacuees on the run. As set up in that chapter, 44.8% were most happy to see Mr. Leonhart continuing to be a boss, while 33.6% were most hyped for another great double spread of the rumbling, as we’ve gotten for the last 4 chapters. Mr. Finger and the Brauns' concern for the children came in after that, followed by Karina and the Grices.

Papa Leonhart is a true badass. It wasn’t said if Bertolt’s mother was still alive, and the lack of Galliard parents/zeke’s grandparents was interesting- how the only warrior/cadet families shown were ones with a child that the readers know is still living.

Go Mr Leonhart we stan

I can’t believe karina is still alive

While having all the warriors' family (expect for the Yeagers) be there is forced and not natural, I'm really hoping that Falco gets to reunite with his parents. He's so precious that he deserves that. If the other parents die then so be it as long as I can have a Grice family reunion.

The approaching rumbling has pretty much lost its impact as a visual image because Isayama has overused it to death.

I liked the new character in the train

This chapter was a beautiful demonstration that ANNIE GOT ALL HER GUTS FROM MR. LEONHART THAT BADASS JUST REFUSED TO DIE AND FORCED THE MARLEYAN SOLDIERS TO GET TO THAT TRAIN WHAT A LEGEND

WILL THE BLIMP BOMBERS BE EFFECTIVE AT ALL? 1,348 responses

The chapter ended on the cliffhanger of the blimp bombers approaching Eren, but will it be worth the wait? The Majority, at about 75% think they will take out a few colossals but nothing to write home about, 19.7% think Eren will wipe them out without a second thought, and 5.6% think they will help deal a decisive blow.

I think The bombs on the plane , The colossal Titan nuke ability and the blimps won't do any kind of damage to Eren .

the blimps Will be destroyed by founding titan eren using his thorn on his spine

I'm itching to see eren finally take some sort of action against marley's bombers :D

I’m wondering if Isayama is going to flip the script a bit and showcase how the advancing technology is gaining the upper hand over titans, and cut Eren off in his tracks abruptly/make him change his tactic. Or, if it’ll just be the catalyst for the alliance to stop him after they witness it has no major affect on the titans.

I'm not sure about the direction of the final battle but everything's colliding at Fort Salta one way or another. I'm curious about this volume's cliffhanger."

DESCRIBE THE CHAPTER IN ONE WORD 855 responses

Continuing with the theme of underwhelming reception, the responses to this were, at least compared to others months’, very low in quantity and disparity between the top words. The 5 most chosen words for this chapter, quantity and average rating included, are:

Setup/Set-up [32 ; 3.91] Amazing [28 ; 4.79] Freedom [25 ; 4.20] Awesome [19 ; 4.84] Paths [19 ; 4.16]

Honorable mentions (because they all had the same or only one less amount of picks) include Ereh, Interesting, Great and Pain.

WHAT CHAPTER DO YOU THINK THE MANGA WILL END AT? 1,337 responses

Since Isayama’s self-appointed deadline of 2020 likely failed to stick, we’ve decided to revive this monthly question. The last time we asked, the majority of respondents chose 138 as the final chapter, which remains the most popular option now, though now losing a majority (39.5%), with 140+ (20.9%) and 139 (21.3%) hot on its tail. Perhaps it has something to do with the shared opinion that this chapter is one of setup, but it’s safe to say most of us are unconvinced this is ending anytime soon.

I think that the manga will end at chapter 138 or 139, and so 133 has to be the last "transition" chapter before the climax (end of volume 33/beginning of the last volume)

I think the story is going to end either at 138 or 139.

it will be over in a few months and both like Eren and Yams, we will finally be free.

I just hope Iseyama doesn’t rush to end this before the end of the year. 138 is the minimum

Idc at this point i just want it to end now it feels like it's stalling

I CANT WAIT FOR CHAPTERS 134+ TO COME OUT

im sad its ending :(

WHAT ARE YOU MOST HOPING TO SEE NEXT CHAPTER? 1,366 responses

Wow this was close!! We have a lot of hopes for next month’s volume closer. Of the options we presented, “The alliance finally taking action against Eren” (23.1%), “ZOOK WHERE ARE YOU” (22.1%) and “I’m always down for more Eren Jaeger” (20.9%) created a tight three way race. Historia’s return to the story was a distant fourth (12%).

I'm really curious about Zeke's whereabouts, I'm sure he will play another big role from now on

I’m just confused about Eren’s motivations and desires at this point.

Love the thought of a flying titan

levi better kill zeke next chapter!!!

Pls bring back historia

I just want to see Historia. Please I miss her lesbian greatness. Please I'm tired.

Next chapter is gonna be crazy

where is monke??

Isayama has something up his sleeves and I’m scared for the next chapter lol

Just let Levi kill Zeke already

Kiyomi backstory when?

One thought, the same as after every chapter, who's gonna bite the dust next ?

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING PLATFORMS DO YOU USE TO DISCUSS THE SERIES? 1,274 responses

Reddit (41.3%) and Twitter (40.7%) remain the two most active platforms for fandom discussion, with Twitter stealthily creeping up on Reddit ever since we allowed multiple selections. Discord follows at (21.6%), with those lucky enough to talk about SnK in real life close behind (20.4%). Wherever you discuss the series we appreciate your support of the chapter poll! Even the Snapchatters.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER? 365 responses

WOW, something something the japanese fans are not happy copypasta

The rumbing started some time ago and our heroes should get hungry in a little bit, will they be able to call pizza? Or something? Because it'd be very sad if they had to die without dinner :(

If Falco's cloud memories end up being child-Eren's view from last chapter, that would be incredible. So many characters will seemingly play an important role now that I have no idea what will happen next.

Reiner keeps thinking that the dialogue is about their guilt and since they are the same, then Eren wants to kill himself. But one of Eren's main statements is that he keeps moving forward despite everything (and he thinks Reiner is the same). I think Reiner's ""Eren wants us to fight him because he wants to die"" will be proven wrong, and he'll come to the correct conclusion in the end.

it's frustrating seeing eren continue the rumbling for the sake of his friends when it's not what his friends want

It's good but it could freak me out

it's honestly making me feel more hopeless...

Connie Reiner conversation was perfect to bring up his late best friend Bertholdt, but I guess they forget again and pretend they never killed him brutally, and he just got thanosed one day lmao

i'm really enjoying annie's development. she's went from one of my least cared about characters to one of my favourites just from her development with armin and reiner alone. really looking forward to how isayama will finish her arc.

Eren is gonna be defeated by the power of friendship and the power of the scarf he gave to boring Mikasa and also by two kids who should honestly be dead by now but somehow are still alive in this mess anyways boring chapter i don’t care what happen anymore I just want to this to end

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a Falco should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The Falco, of course, flies anyway because Yams don't care what nerds think is impossible.

I don't mind the "inconsistencies", because most of what people are complaining about is just nitpicking that doesn't have much of anything to do with the story being told. I just hope that we're done with setup and can finally get to the final battle next chapter.

Everybody in this chapter was admitting their sins, but Bert still wasn't mentioned when so far he's the biggest elephant in the room when it comes to Reiner / AMJC. They watched Armin devour Bert and felt nothing about it, they participated in a terrorist attack against Liberio and threw a party instead/didn't protest against it, but the moment they betrayed their countries and slaughtered their comrades, suddenly they're evil sinners. It really feels iffy as shit.

Eren should finish what he started, I actually support him, I do understand his anger, his past anger, and everything that has been done to the Paradis Island. The only way to stop the exterior world’s way they think about them, is killing them all (or nearly), otherwise it’s never going to stop. It would be too much of a childish way of actually allowing the alliance to stop him knowing that he’s really REALLY powerful.

I don't get why people are having so much backlash about Eren allowing the Alliance to kill him, it's not a goad of "come get me", it would be hypocritical of him to take away their powers to stop him when he preaches about freedom, because then he'd just want PERSONAL freedom when want he truly wants it freedom for everybody especially Eldians.

@ isayama as a yumihisu shipper stop the Ymir smelling Historia's hair gag it isn't funny :/

I just think Eren doesn't detour from his character cause he's persistent on continuing the rumbling, having his own definition of freedom while he also doesn't take away his friends' power to fight him. It's just kinda frustrating that Eren is so blinded by his concept of freedom and chose this path.

People who think Eren will complete the rumbling are in heavy denial.

I kinda hope that we get to see Hizuru at least once. I also believe that Mikasa deserves to know the truth about her Ackerman blood and that it does not make her a slave in any way. More than anything though I just wanna see her character done justice in this final arc so that people will finally quit complaining about her always being "Eren-obsessed." She is without a doubt one of the most misunderstood characters in the entire series.

I liked the Paths stuff. But I'm bored of the cringe 104th, Isayama please give back Bertholdt I wanna see him, Paths is the perfect opportunity T-T

I maintain that Eren allowing his friends to fight him and potentially die because FREEDOM is fucking weird and OOC because he had no problem taking their freedom away in 112. He lied to their faces (same chapter he stated that ignorance=slavery) and locked them in prison. He also couldn't stand losing anyone close to him for most of the manga (serumbowl, hiding info about Historia, etc.), even if it went against Paradis, and so far nothing states that he suddenly and consciously changed his mind on that. If there is no explanation for his sudden change in behavior then parts of his character just went down the drain for the sake of covering up a plothole (that could easily be resolved by just saying that the founder can't control the shifters......)

I read some theories of Hange come back as a Titan Shifter. The parallel of both Ackermans put their fist on Eren and Hange before they died. Eren came back to life again as Attack Titan after that. There are also similarities between Hange and Xavier, both do research on titans, wearing glasses and I wonder if we would find out who is this person that Zeke could trust, as Xavier mentioned. We've seen Hange almost died 3 times, during the battle with Bertholdt and Reiner revelation, the crystal underground with Kenny's team and Bertbomb. Hange managed to come back again and again. Maybe I'm just being hopeful here (crying again) but I respect if Isayama sensei really killed Hange for good. But but but.. T^T

I'm beyond sick of the alliance. If they win at this point Isayama has officially destroyed his own manga.

No Hanji = nothing to smile neither to hope for in this chapter. I hate Eren for not even reacting to her death.

Isayama's doing a terrible job with the Alliance. I have many reasons to want the rumbling to be stopped, but if I forget for one second that Armin's my fave charac., I need to ask WTH?? Characters say one thing while the narrative says another. Yo, every damn chapter they've been feeling guilty and shitty, yet their constant regretting says they're good people. The heroic sacrifices say they're good people. The refusing to bring the kid although the kid can fckin fly says they're good people. This is more complex than calling an oldman with a career built in genocide HERO then calling these lost as fuck teens SINNERS. Repetition won't make me buy it. Btw, I'm not taking proJeCtiNg five chapters from the end. I refuse to believe these characters are at the same. damn. mindspace as 10 chapters ago. Nah. Losing or winning, this finale should feel dignifying, not pathetic. I'm desperate here. :(

I'm tired of Eren and the alliance. My feelings are with Levi's promise, nothing else. What comes after that (if Levi is able to kill Zeke) it would be interesting (and amazing, I'm sure) conceptually, I will love to read it, but my heart is with our midget. He deserves to rest.

Also Levi...I get why he's still ""muh kill monke"", it makes sense with his character... But that doesn't mean it's not annoying.

I REALLY enjoyed this one

Can't believe that flying titan was a sort of joke since the Marley arc, but now it's a thing uh.

More evidence that freckled Ymir may be alive.

where bert

where IS ZEKE

Where Monke?

Ymir distorting the space and keeping Mikasa, Armin, Connie and Jean away from Eren makes me think she's controlling him.

YOU ARE FREE

There was so much information given to us this chapter. The reveal of the possibility of Falco flying and the possible death of Zeke.

There were some alright points to this chapter but for the most point, it seemed like so many things were forced, the most ridiculous points of this chapter for me were the warrior families living, and Falco deciding he can fly simply because he had a dream

This chapter (like all the others and the others to come) made me cry. 😔

This chapter made sense. Too much sense. All the plot points we’d been expecting like Falco being able to fly, Eren bringing the alliance into Paths to tell them they have to kill him if they want to stop the rumbling, and the folks from Liberio surviving, were all present. I think Isayama is about to throw some wild curveballs and ruin our whole careers

Something's wrong with Eren

Thanks Isym for ruining Armin and make him Annie's waifu

Nice, a little boring but also not disappointed

The alliance was so annoying this chapter. Reiner projecting his pathetic suicidal thoughts into Eren was just absolute cringe. Then Jean and Connie actually saying they’re the same as the guys who killed their friends and families just made me damn near bust a vein. Then Pieck was just being a passive aggressive bitch. I was hoping that at least the 104th would make it out alive but now I straight up want Eren to kill them all. They’re just flat out insufferable, incompetent traitors at this point.

Pieck passive aggressively roasting Armin felt good

Levi is sexy take the bandages off his face and let me see the scar

Levi's really fed up. he doesn't care anymore about eren he just wanted to kill zeke. But I do agree that by killing Zeke, maybe the rumbling will end.

People thinking that Eren became a slave are speedreaders

For me, the Rumbling represents Eren’s own death drive. He’s killing others and wants do die in the process or afterwards. And his talk to the alliance is what his "if you don't fight you don't win" ideology boils down to. Blind, narrow-minded kid!Eren doesn't really see any other outcome other than him completing the Rumbling (aka "winning") or getting killed by his friends before he can complete it. I (heavily) suspect Isayama is going for a third option though.

This arc has highlighted Eren's internal contradictions regarding freedom. We have him forcing his friends to fight, imprisoning them, beating them, gaslighting them about their own free will, but most of all forcing the rumbling onto them, which completely takes away their agency to choose their own fate. I would be disappointed if Isayama has dropped this consistent pattern of Eren contradicting his own ideals of freedom, just to rectify his mistake of making Eren too overpowered due to rule of cool (something I initially feared), so I'm hoping the true reason has to do with Ymir taking the reins and speaking for Eren.

Eren can't help what he wants and believes in and he can't stop his convictions to move foreword, but at the same time he recognises his friends own free will and different convictions and has decided that both sides will never be able to give up their own convinces or meet at a middle ground and has decided to just let things play out.

Eren is resigned to his fate to rumble the world, but he will not command his friends to do anything. He is willing to die by their hands.

Eren prizes freedom above all else. If someone uses their freedom to try to kill him, he wouldn't mind

Eren isn't sure if he's right so he wants them to have the chance to stop him if they feel so strongly

Sooo due to the Warhammer nutcracker incident, does that mean Falco has a portion of the Warhammer, or something?

Spectacular chapter completely closing the possibility of dialogue between Eren and Aliance. It's good to see that Eren remains firm with his actions and hasn't changed his psychology of freedom out of the blue. Although many people think that Eren wants to die, I'm sure that he will fight against the Alliance to survive and carry out his plan to destroy humanity.

Still a Beruani shipper...and...OMF ANNIE IS THE 2ND SASHA SHE WANTS TO EAT GIVE MY BABY FOOD

Still feels like buildup ready for the final showdown already

Telling the story as if the alliance stands a chance, or has anything close to a complete picture of Eren, is still dumb

historia pov when

Honestly I think everything about Annie is forced and she never should have come back.

Hope Jean survives 💯

Hope will reveal historia's baby connection to the series

I believe in Isayama

I believe that Annie got the ability to harden by eating part of Reiner, I think by revealing her ability yams intends to lay foundation for Annie getting wings as well and joining falco in the sky fuck ya

I hope Annie's father dies in front of her

I hope any inconsistencies in Eren's character get clarified later.

I hope more is discussed about Historias child

I hope My beloved Eren kills levi and armin

I just can’t wait a pray that MAPPA don’t fail us💀

I don't know man why the fuck does a flying titan exist

AC130 INBOUND, wait, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT BIRD THING AND WHY DOES IT HAVE BOMBS IN ITS HANDS

Isayama is a hack

isayama never misses

isayama the goat, incredible as usual

#snk poll #snk polls #snk poll results #snk 133 #snk chapter 133

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battlecries-dear · 5 years ago

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A Bit of a Problem

Read it on Ao3

Ok, listen, maybe Jaskier was developing a bit of a habit, and maybe it was slowly (so very quickly) becoming a problem, but really, could you blame him for it?

Maybe this not-a-problem presented itself by forcing his eye whenever his not-a-friend, witcher friend removed even a single layer of his infuriating armor.

Let's rewind just a bit, try and really pinpoint when this became an issue.

It was in another obscure town, not too long into their travels, not in the whole scheme of things really, but Jaskier felt a real connection to the witcher, felt like Geralt's begrudging acceptance of his presence was growing into something warmer, something brighter, but then Jaskier had to go and mess it all up. One mistimed entrance into their shared room in a dingy inn and months of growing camaraderie went down the drain. If anyone asked, Jaskier would admit that he was, well, for lack of a better term, a bit of a hopeless romantic, and while he would insist that there's no issue with that, sometimes falling in love with anyone you find attractive becomes a bit annoying. Up until now he had been doing ok, yes Geralt was unfairly attractive but he was also just so unattainable, well, really, when had that ever stopped Jaskier before?

And that's where we were, Jaskier finished up performing for the small tavern and made his way back to the inn and back to his and Geralt's shared room. Geralt had taken off from the tavern a few hours earlier, with a few words assuring Jaskier he just had some things to take care of in town and Jaskier had assumed he was back at the inn by now, oh was he right.

The sight he saw when he cracked open the door to their room was nothing short of pornographic.

Geralt had just stepped out of the tub and had barely had enough time to cover himself with a towel before Jaskier had entered, he acknowledged his presence with a low grunt as usual but Jaskier felt frozen on the spot, after a moment too long in the doorway he sat on the bed and made himself busy tuning his lute, eyes wide and hands shaking.

Jaskier was delighted.

Jaskier was horrified.

What he had been trying to avoid for months finally came to a head at this moment. Yes Geralt was attractive and yes Jaskier was falling in love with his gruff personality and hidden kindness, but he'd been ignoring it in favor of a steady friendship. Jaskier was a good liar, he had a quick tongue and even quicker hands and he's always been able to swindle a stranger into or out of something, unfortunately for him, that skill never transferred over to people he knew, friends, lovers, anyone who had his trust, it felt like a betrayal and no secrets ever lasted long between friends. In particularly bad bouts of self-deprecation he'd think about the day Geralt would finally tire of him and the time between their travels would get longer and longer. He was confident that he would never lose him completely, but now there was a clock in his head, just ticking away the minutes until he was found out. Geralt only barely tolerated his friendship and he would surely see Jaskier's romantic intentions as a hindrance.

Sitting silently on the bed and reevaluating the entire path of their friendship after a night out was a bit out of character for Jaskier, but if Geralt noticed he certainly didn't say anything.

From that point on whenever Geralt bathed in proximity to Jaskier, or removed the outer layers of his armor when they made camp for the night in the woods somewhere, or when they were resting in an inn and he would use his strong arms to tie his hair from his face, or when he would sometimes ask Jaskier to remove layers of his clothing after a particularly tiring fight Jaskier would freeze up. He'd give short answers, not quipping back, never meeting Geralt's eyes for fear of being found out, he even began to unconsciously avoid Geralt for fear of making a fool of himself.

So back to the present, Jaskier was, well he was just... coping.

It seemed like every day he spent with Geralt he was becoming more and more comfortable like the witcher was aware of his attraction and was mocking him for it, a feeling currently making itself known in the form of a strong, possessive, hand on his leg after the seedy barmaid made some untoward comments directed at Jaskier who clearly wasn't having it. Now Geralt was sitting so close as they listened to a woman sing a cheery tune, he was so close and his hand was so warm where it rested on Jaskiers thigh, he felt like trembling.

"Jaskier" Geralt said lowly, just loud enough for him to catch it

Thoroughly distracted by everything going on Jaskier responded with a tilt of his head and a simple "Hmm?"

By the gods, Geralt chuckled, he laughed and Jaskier felt his soul leave his body "I thought that was my line" the witcher said simply, with mirth in his voice. He's making jokes now! Jaskier all but fell out of his seat, if not for the strong, warm, possessive hand grasping his thigh he would have.

Geralt kindly took Jaskiers gaping as a response and barrelled ahead, "are you alright? you've been acting strangely."

"I've been- No I'm okay, just a bit tired I suppose. Such is the life of a restless bard." His attempt at his usual flair was undercut by a clear tone of nervousness and Geralt obviously took note.

"Listen can we just- can we just head back to our room, I need to talk to you." Ah, there it was, the seldom-seen joking and laughing Geralt had to step out to make room for usual straight to the point Geralt, at least that's something familiar.

"Sure, okay, let's go." all normalcy having vanished, fully replaced with the nervousness he was vibrating with.

After a short walk back to their room Jaskier felt about ready to combust. when they entered, Geralt just sat down on the bed, he looked so... defeated.

"You can go." Geralt said bluntly after a short moment of silence.

"What?" genuine confusion overtook Jaskiers expression, did Geralt want him gone? had he been found out? Before he could allow himself to spiral too much the witcher spoke up again.

"You're afraid of me, it's okay, you can leave if you don't want to be here." Geralt sounded so defeated, and no, that won't do, all self-deprecation was abruptly halted in favor of finding out precisely what Geralt was on about.

"Geralt- what?" Jaskier paused and took a breath to calm himself "What have I ever done to make you think I'd want to leave? You're my friend whether you like to admit it or not."

"Then whats-" he gestured to Jaskier and back to himself "all this been about?"

"I don't get what you mean Geralt." and he really didn't although it's entirely possible he did something to make the witcher think differently of him.

"You've just been so jumpy around me, at first you would just go quiet but now it feels like you've been avoiding me," oh, oh, oh no, in Jaskiers attempt to not become too clingy and obvious about his affections he made Geralt think he was afraid of him "It's okay if you don't want to be around me, id just like a heads up I suppose." There's no possible way for this to end well huh.

"Geralt no I- that's not it-"

"Then what is it." Geralt steeled his expression and cut Jaskier off, this is gonna be it huh, the end of the humble bard and his travels with the white wolf.

For better or worse, he decided just to rip the bandage off

"I've fallen a bit in love with you and I was afraid of being terribly obvious about it"

Geralt was silent.

Jaskier palms began to sweat.

"You-- are an idiot."

"I suppose yes I-" Jaskier was silenced by Geralt abruptly standing up and crowding in his space.

"Hmm," Geralt hummed while not bothering to hide how his eyes wandered to Jaskier's lips, "Does this mean I'm allowed to kiss you?"

Jaskier didn't feel like dignifying that with a response so instead, he leaned in and softly pressed his lips to Geralt's. He felt him hum against his mouth and the witcher placed one of his strong hands on Jaskiers jaw and reciprocated the kiss, more sweetly than Jaskier would have imagined (and boy had he imagined).

"Hmm, how long have you wanted to do that for?"

Jaskier chuckled "Quite longer than id like to admit Geralt."

Geralt leaned in this time, capturing Jaskiers lips with his own.

They certainly had some things to talk through but for now, they would be content wrapped up in one another.

#the witcher #geralt x jaskier #geraskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier

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ticktickblog · 4 years ago

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Stop Being the Last-Minute Person

Everything You Need to Know about Procrastination

Understanding procrastination

Usually, we think of procrastination as a bad habit, but this might not be the case. Research by Burka and Yuen, authors of Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now, have found that procrastination is not a bad habit, but a psychological syndrome caused by one’s fear. In other words, procrastination is not purely a problem of time management. Instead, it concerns people's inner fears, expectations, doubts and pressures.

There might be some people, like myself before, who’d always leave their tasks to the very last minute before the deadlines and look forward to a suddenly-bursted extraordinary performance, or a very best luck ever. Some even say the closer the DDLs are, the more productive they are.

So, is the deadline really a force to drive us forward in a positive way?

My answer is negative, although from the surface it may seem harmless to some people, and can to some extent be converted to motivator. However, deep inside, procrastination brings more harms than good for most of us.

Consequence of procrastination

1. On top of all the damages caused by procrastination: mental sufferings. Even though relaxing first brings instant joy, it’ll soon be replaced by overwhelmingly negative feelings: e.g. anxiety thinking, nagging pain, a guilt of not starting earlier, and etc. Not hard to imagine how painful it is to be trapped into this situation for a long period of time.

2. From the view regarding one’s physical health, there’s also detrimental consequence. Chasing DDLs usually means overworking at a late point. For example, burning the night oil in a row. If this continues as a habit, it will threaten one’s physical health as well.

3. There might be consequences to other people as well, because people who procrastinate a lot may be bad at time management. For example, being late for a date because they’ve not started dressing up earlier, or being unable to submit a task on time because they’ve wasted a lot of time thinking. These could then make them easy to not be trusted by others, and people around them may also sometimes feel disappointed.

Then, what at root drives us to procrastinate? What makes people consciously or unconsciously choose to procrastinate?

Reasons for procrastination

1. Excessive perfectionism

People who are perfectionists normally have very high standards to themselves and to the work they do. Therefore, they easily fall into the fear of not being able to reach these standards, or making mistakes on the way which will lead to undesirable results. By not getting started, the mistakes/failures will not happen, which means at this procrastinating point at least, they don’t have to worry too much.

Also, many perfectionists may waste too much time thinking how to do instead of actually doing. They choose to wait till a perfect plan is ready. However, in fact there is neither a flawless plan nor a perfect outcome. Plus, it’s extremely hard for excessive perfectionists to be fully satisfied with what they’ve achieved no matter how good it is.

2. The rewards are too far away.

Studies have shown that the farther the due date is, the less binding force it may execute on us, and the easier it is for us to feel unmotivated to start. Compared to gaining rewards from a not-so-recent future, instant gratification is obviously much easier.

This might be the very reason why many people choose to enjoy first and do later. For example, if the deadline for an assignment is 2 weeks from now, then spending 2 days watching a new series on Netflix doesn’t seem like a big deal.

3. Fear of difficulty

Reason for this fear is we know the goal is too big and require hard work. Sometimes when we are given a big task, e.g. dissertation, we might be very likely to feel overwhelmed, not knowing where to start or how. The motivation then downgrades to 0. Similarly, when a monthly personal KPI has been given, even just thinking of it brings a lot of headache already, let alone start doing.

4. Lack of awareness and skills of time management

Sad but true, I know:(

For these ones, getting so used to an unstructured work/study style makes it even harder not to procrastinate. Never thinking of organizing or not knowing how, is a big hindrance to their productivity. But, it’s totally fine if you just enjoy the flow and do not worry about getting things done. However, for these who crave progression and success, then tackling procrastination and learning how to manage your time and organize things well is extremely important. Let TickTick help with that 🙌

5. Dislike of taking orders

As some of you might feel relatable, deadlines and dues are set usually by other people, either our professors or team leaders, to the tasks assigned. For those who have strong self-awareness and do not want to be tasked by others, they consciously or subconsciously resort to procrastination as a way to resist the order. Meanwhile, they try to declare some autonomy and freedom by refusing to do things at this moment and ignoring them till later.

Ways to fight against procrastination

The most painful part of procrastination is not working on the task, it is starting the work. Therefore, to beat procrastination, is actually to find out ways to get us started.

Where to start

1. Set a realistic goal and fairly evaluate your ability

Make sure your goal is inspiring but also attainable, based on the evaluation of your ability now and its potential to grow, plus the time and effort needed in achieving your goal.

For example, if I have three free weekends this month, then I probably establish a goal: finishing reading a book this month. Many procrastinators are too optimistic about their ability in the future and underestimate the time needed to complete the task. When deadlines approach, it’s just frightening and frustrating.

2. Divide the goal into more achievable ones

If the goal seems too big to reach, then cut it into smaller pieces to reduce the fear of a sudden commitment.

Going back to that book-reading example, to finish reading a book in a month, I may divide the task into reading ¼ every week, and then 10 pages each for working days and 20 pages each for unscheduled weekends. Compared to 1 book, 10 pages just sounds like a breeze.

3. Trim the unnecessary and only keep the priorities

According to Pareto Principle, 20% of the things in life can determine 80% of the results. Therefore, when facing multiple tasks, sort them out based on urgency, importance, necessity and other indicators. Next, take the lead in dealing with high-priority things. This method can effectively help us abandon those low-value and insignificant activities, and rationally allocate limited time and energy for the maximum return.

4. Start from a small task

Some may argue that starting from a hard task is better for time management. However, for a lagging person like myself before, starting is the most difficult part as I said. Therefore, an easy task can first “allure” me to start, and when finishing this, the rest of my day is then kept in a feeling-productive momentum.

Long-run strategies

1. Increase incentive mechanism

The best way to do that is to bond the completion of a certain task with an instant reward. For example, if I finish writing my blog draft today, I’d be rewarded with 30 mins to play with my dog. If reading through all literature within scheduled time when writing a dissertation, I’ll treat myself with a big meal or an outing day. In this way, before each task starts, motivation will replace stress to activate your enthusiasm.

P.s. Please remember, what the reward for is always your hard work and progress, not the results.

2. Reduce the task aversion from a mental side:

Go deeper into the given task and find/develop some parts you feel passionate about from it. If you’ve found out the joy of doing things, then a task will not be a task anymore, but a daily trivial, something like teeth-brushing. Those who work out consistently no matter how busy he/she is, are actually regarding working-out as a daily activity. This sounds a little bit like self-brainwashing, but believe me, it brings positive results in the long run.

Other possible solutions

1. Make use of visual tools

Write the daily tasks down for enhanced execution force: Some research has found out that writing down your to-do tasks makes it easier for you to really complete it.

Check it done for enhanced encouragement: When I see the visual hints, e.g. a visual tick, like the logo of TickTick, that tells me I’ve achieved something, it is like an energy transferred into my body. Not only visually, it’s a mental encouragement I’ve got from the process.

2. Create a co-supervising system

By inviting a friend/colleague to co-supervise each other, it may help you two to both keep on the right track. Also, in this co-supervision scheme, competitive people will hate to lose. By losing here actually means your friend finished her task while you didn’t. A positive competition vibe is formed here to probably give you a little gentle push.

Final words

Like what Mark Twain said,“The secret of getting ahead is getting started”. Although it’s not easy to completely beat procrastination, it’s still good to be less-procrastinated. Now is always better than later, stop being the last-minute person and get started now!

#getting things done #productivity #procrastination #workefficiency

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i-will-physically-fight-you · 5 years ago

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The Stress of Falling Out of It Fanfic

Title: The Stress Of Falling Out of It

Summary: It’s been one year since Virgil decided to duck out (quack). He takes a moment to reflect on the events that led to that fateful day and what has happened since.

Pairings: platonic lamp

Word-Count: 3497

Warnings: Anxiety, Self-deprecation, Deceit, Angst With a Happy Ending

This fic was originally written several months back for the @spookyson-zine, please check out the zine in its' entirety! It was a fun project to participate in, and there are a lot of amazing writers, artists and cosplayers involved! <3

A loud, persistent noise penetrates the depths of Virgil’s murky unconsciousness. He lets out of a groan, displeased to be disrupted so soon from the bliss that is sleep. As the embodiment of Anxiety, he has a love-hate relationship with the function. So much could be accomplished if sleep isn’t necessary—so much time wasted. He couldn’t deny though that sleep provides a needed break from the world, even it is like all good things—temporary.

It takes him a few tries to find the off button on the alarm clock; his movements impeded by his half-asleep state. The urge to sink back into the covers and sleep is strong. Any other given day he’d give into such urges, but then he remembers what day it is.

Today’s the day. Just a year ago today is when he decided to “duck out.” (He can’t even think that phrase without an echo of Patton’s voice imitating a duck. It makes him inwardly smile.) It has sneaked up on him so stealthily. He has known it was coming up and yet…he is still surprised.

Perhaps it’s because a part of him hadn’t expected the day to arrive and still be accepted by the others. Where they hadn’t realized it had been a mistake. Where he hadn’t regretted trusting them enough to reveal his most treasured thing—his name.

He can’t help that part of him. It’s who he is. He is the Voice in the back of Thomas’ head that is the Pessimist.

As poignant as the day is, his mind is still in the dregs of waking up. He sits on top of his bed, feet dangling over the edge. He’s not sure how long he sat there in a trance. But at last, he takes a deep breath and rises from the bed. He lumbers towards his private bathroom, grimacing at his hair in the mirror.

As much as he teases Princey about how much he gripes about having the perfect hair, Virgil’s a big hypocrite. He is just as bad, if not worse than Roman. He knows it doesn’t look like it, but he worries a lot about appearances. The others saw him as the bad guy and so he looked the part of the bad guy.

As he takes a quick shower, his mind of course has to drift back to dwell on his pessimistic past. Not just one year back, but all the way back into his existence. A concept that is murky for a being that makes up for part of a personality.

It’s hard to say when he is, in a sense, born. Humans after all remember very little if at all anything as babies. The same thing applies to Virgil. He doesn’t know when it occurred. Logan would know. He’d go on a whole spiel about it. But Virgil isn’t him.

The more simple answer is that he’s always been there. Fear is something all things experience, even at a young age. And that is what Virgil is at his very core; fear.

He begins life known only as Fear, the natural flight-or-fight instincts that every human possesses. He is the Fear of the dark and of monsters lurking underneath the bed. The Fear of abandonment and of thunderstorms.

It’s his job to keep Thomas from those fears—those dangers. Fear, in the right amount of dosages, is healthy. It’s necessary for human survival. The others hate him for it. Or at least, they don’t seem to understand.

“Why’d you have to go and make him feel scared? We were going to go on an adventure!” Princey crosses his arms with a huff.

In those days, they all went by different names excluding Roman; Logan went by the Brain and Patton called himself Heart. Roman has always went by either Prince or Princey, the prince aesthetic never dying from his spirit. He is Creativity, yes, but it’d be uncreative if he simply went by the name of his function.

Fear swallows a lump in his throat, floundering a bit under the intense gaze of Princey. He knows Princey would be upset by it, but he’d hoped he wouldn’t have gotten too mad by it. Fear is just trying to keep Thomas and the others safe. He doesn’t want to see them get hurt.

“But the forest is big. Thomas could get lost, there could be monsters--”

“Pft! Thomas could fight them!” Princey scoffs, “Right, Brain?”

Brain has his thinking face on; his face void of expression as he watches Thomas stumble away from the edge of the forest and back to the campsite.

“Fear’s right--well maybe not on monsters, but Thomas is just a kid, he could get lost by all himself and no one would know where he is,” He says and before Princey can throw a tantrum he adds, “we should see if one of Thomas’ family members would like to go walking in the woods with him.”

“Yeah! It’ll be a lot more fun than if Thomas was just by himself.” Heart agrees, clasping his hands enthusiastically.

Virgil--Fear is still uncertain. Bad things could still happen. What if they get lost and something happens to Thomas’ family member? Thomas should just stay at the campsite, where it’s safe and much more familiar than the looming woods. But they refuse to address his concerns, to reassure him.

“B-but it’s muddy, what if Thomas trips and falls--what if there’s a grizzly bear--”

“Don’t worry, Fear! We’re going to have so much fun!” Heart interrupts, beaming.

“You’re just being a scaredy-cat!” Princey says, and that’s that.

The memory, as faded as it is, hurts. He tries to get his mind off of it as he shuts off the water faucet. He thinks about how things are different now as he dries himself off. He thinks about how Roman now tries to cut back on the name calling. He slips his clothing back on and turns on the hairdryer. He thinks about how Logan helps him out with cognitive distortions.

He thinks, and yet those thoughts aren’t strong enough to hold off memories he’d rather not remember.

As a kid, Thomas’ fears are small. Of course, they’d been big at the time. But looking back they were so small and seemingly easy to fix. Virgil misses those days. As the years progress, there is more and more things to worry about. So many things to keep track of, so many potential failures--it is too much.

He’ll never forget the first time he uses his distorted voice to keep Thomas from going to a party in high school. The others had been terrified. He could feel the fear pulsing through their veins. He himself is afraid of the power he wields.

He flees into his room shortly afterwards. As he closes the door behind him, he hears muffled clapping. He slowly turned around to see Deceit standing in the middle of his room.

“Bravo,” Deceit says, “that was quite a performance. You make for a better villain than even myself.”

“What do you want?” Virgil scowls.

Deceit is just as loved as Virgil by the others at the time. At first, they’d been amused by his blatant lies that the sky is green or that dogs meowed and cats barked. Even Virgil took comfort in knowing it wasn’t possible for those to be true. But things weren’t so fun anymore when the lies turned to half-truths, when they could be real and hurtful things. Then it got even less funny when Deceit gained the ability to literally silence others.

Virgil’s relationship with Deceit has always been...complicated. Many times his lies have soothed Virgil’s fears. But the other way around is just as true, if not more times than the first.

“I just wanted to congratulate you, Virgil,” Deceit says, running his gloved hand over the edge of Virgil’s bookcase, “You finally got them to listen to you.”

He doesn’t look at Virgil, instead he inspects his gloved hand for dust with a bored gaze.

Virgil doesn’t respond. Deceit sighs, before clasping his hands together behind his back.

“Virgil, please don’t dust your bookshelves.” He says before sinking out. Virgil glares at the spot where Deceit stood moments before.

As much as he hates to admit it, Deceit has a point. They listened to him because he’d been too scary to ignore. He’d kept Thomas from attending a party filled with people he hardly knew. He prevented Thomas from a chance of embarrassing himself in front of strangers. Yet he’d been painted in the narrative as a villain for it. But every story needs a good villain, after all. Everyone loves the villain--loves to hate the villain. If it keeps Thomas safe, he could handle the loathing.

Virgil huffs, rolling his eyes at his past self’s thoughts. That’d been the biggest lie ever. He wonders if Deceit chuckles about it in his darkened corner of the mindscape.

He shuts the hairdryer off, and applies his makeup. By now he’s given up; he’s letting his mind wander wherever the hell it wants. Apparently it seems dead set on going down miserable memory lane.

Because Virgil knew it’d hurt, but he didn’t know it’d hurt that much. The insults flung by Roman, the dismissive tones used by Logan, Patton’s wavering smiles at the sight of him, all of it. The only thing that keeps him going was that it was for the others’ benefit. A small part of him knows it isn’t right, that it is bad and he feels bad doing it. His inner Patton, so to speak. But he has convinced himself it is the only way he could protect the others.

For years, that thought is the only thing that kept him going. Then Thomas decides to do a youtube series focusing on him talking with the Sides through his issues. At first, Virgil is certain that it is a terrible idea. But as the videos progress, Virgil comes to a realization: he is holding them--holding Thomas back.

Rather than helping, he is more of a hindrance. It is clear none of them wanted him around. Aside from Patton, of course, who loves everyone. After that realization, it becomes harder and harder to convince himself that playing the bad guy is doing anything but hurting them.

All this time he has been worried about outside forces, when the greatest danger he needed to protect Thomas from, is himself. He can’t convince himself that Thomas needs him any longer. That would be lying to himself. The last thing he wants is to attract the attention of Deceit.

He trusts the others to fill in his stead, Logan most of all. Virgil and Logan have always had a fluctuating relationship with one another. On some points they agreed on, and others they are in contempt. Logan has always been smarter and more grounded than the others. He’s sure Logan will be able to look out for risks like not walking alone in the dark or drinking responsibly.

Patton...if anyone will miss him, it will be Patton. As Morality and the center of Thomas’ feelings, Patton has always cared for others. Even Virgil. He’d never allowed Patton to get close, for fear of his facade cracking. Despite that, Patton never quite gave up on Virgil. He hopes Patton will understand. Maybe Patton will breathe a sigh of relief, glad he doesn’t have to pretend to be nice to Virgil.

If Logan’s and Virgil’s relationship is shaky, then Roman’s and Virgil’s is the wobbly Jenga tower threatening to collapse any moment. Insults is the common language grasped by them both, that blame could hardly be placed solely on one side. Roman has always seen him as the morose and gloomy Debbie Downer, the one who ruined everything. At this point, Virgil can’t blame him. He can only hope Roman will be happy with him gone. That Thomas will happy.

Virgil sighs, before scrutinizing his make-up in the mirror. The eyeshadow underneath his eyes mask his natural dark circles perfectly. He exits his private bathroom, in search of his jacket hanging on his bedpost. The jacket is a comforting weight on his figure. He plays with the zippers on the sleeves. He debates whether or not he should make an appearance outside his room today.

Is it wishful thinking for him to hope the others are unaware of the significance of this day? Probably. There’s so much white noise in his head today. More than usual. He doesn’t know if he could handle social interaction. It isn’t unusual for Virgil to spend a whole day in his room. The others know that sometimes he needs his space. Perhaps they would be thankful for the reprieve. He knows even now his input can be a bit much.

Virgil settles for staying in for the day. He already has a few protein bars stashed away for occasions like this. Although admittedly he wasn’t feeling hungry at the moment. He eyes his headphones before picking them up and plugging them into his phone. He selects a random playlist and hits shuffle. “Why Worry” by Set It Off plays, ironically enough.

Of course, he thought Thomas and the others would be better off without him. He ducks out (quack) and goes deep into the subconscious. The subconscious isn’t exactly sunshine and rainbows. It’s full of the stuff that Thomas suppresses from his conscious, whether he is aware of it or not. In this case, it’s Virgil who suppresses himself from Thomas’ consciousness. He is tired. All he wants to do is sleep for days on end. He stumbles around for awhile, before collapsing onto a pile of half-forgotten memories.

Before he can lose consciousness, he feels a sharp tug. Logan. He’s always been bad at smooth, painless summoning. It happens again moments later, only more insistent and demanding. Roman. Virgil is confused, why do they calling him? It happens a third time, sweeter and gentler, no doubt from Patton.

Is something wrong? Should he--no. They’ve made it clear to him, that they don’t want him around. Whatever it is, he’s sure they can handle it by themselves. He closes his eyes once more, attempting to quell his anxiety. It is far from quelled when he can sense them, in his room. With Thomas. He can’t ignore that.

“What are you doing in my room?!” He pops up, frantic.

The story from then on...well, you know the rest. Everyone including himself initially assume with him out of the picture things would be...better. But instead they realize that he is important. They realize his contributions matter. Thomas tells him he wants to work with him. It’s weird hearing them grovel at his feet. Especially weirder when Roman, who has never said a nice word about Virgil once, says some nice words that day.

“You make us...better.”

By the end of the ordeal, Virgil finds himself opening up enough to trust them with his name. A mere twenty four hours ago, he wouldn’t have dreamed of such a thing. And yet, it happens. He is accepted by the others. They really do start listening to him. It isn’t easy at first, but they work through it.

There is a happy ending to the story. So why does he feel...discombobulated?

He’s in the middle of pretending to read a book when there’s a knock at the door. He lets out a short yelp of surprise, the noise startling him.

“Opps, sorry kiddo, didn’t mean to scare ya!” Patton says from the other side of the door.

“N-no it’s okay,” Virgil says, clearing his throat, “uh, what’s...up?”

Patton opens the door just enough to pop his head in, “The ceiling!”

He grins as Virgil rolls his eyes at the overused joke.

“I just wanted to see if you’d like to join me and the others for lunch. No pressure, though, if you’re not feeling up to it!” He says, and Virgil knows he means it.

It’s one of the things he loves about Patton is how...genuine he is. There is never any double-meanings or half-truths in his words. Just, pure, unabashed honesty. He knows that Patton would not be offended if Virgil chooses to decline. He might be worried if it’s been a few days since Virgil left the room. But only that and nothing else.

He’s not sure if in this mood he wants to interact with others. Sometimes that just makes things worse. But something he’s learned in the past year is that sometimes being around the others can help lift his spirits. If only a little. He’s still gloomy Anxiety, after all.

“Umm, sure.” He finds himself saying.

“Great!” Patton’s grin widens, “Lunch will be ready in a few minutes. Hope to see you then!” Patton sinks back down, to the kitchen presumably.

He leaves the door wide open--typical parent move. It amuses Virgil more than it frustrates him. He glances back at his book, noticing somehow he got through a third of the book without remembering a single thing he read. Sighing, he flips through the pages of the book back to its’ earlier bookmark. He closes it and tosses the book onto his bed. Maybe he’ll try getting off his phone earlier tonight and read for an hour before bed instead. Fat chance of that happening, but he can dream.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, he heads downstairs. He could simply close his eyes and appear there. But why do that when walking allows for the sense of dread to build up inside of him? With each step down the stairs, he regrets his decision. Patton wouldn’t be too upset if he backed out. He hears the voices of the others in the kitchen already. They sound jovial and wonders if the conversation will die at the sight of him.

He’s at the second to last step when he decides, screw it, he might as well go down the last two at this point. He turns around the bend, expecting to see the kitchen. He does see the kitchen, but he doesn’t expect to see it adorned from top to bottom with purple and black decorations. A banner is hung above the table spelling out V I R G I L in a fancy purple font.

Virgil ventures closer, still not quite believing his eyes. By now the others have noticed his presence. Roman and Logan are already at the table, while Patton is attending to something in the oven.

“Surprise!” They all cry out, Logan’s more monotone compared to the other two.

“Surprise?” Virgil echoes. He wonders if he should pinch himself. This has to be a dream.

“Why can’t it be real?” A Surprisingly Not Negative Voice in his head asks. To which Virgil finds himself without a response to.

“Hello Virgil,” Logan begins, adjusting his tie, “I know unexpected events can lead to increased anxiety for you, but Patton and Roman insisted that this would be the best course of action.”

“It’s a surprise party, not a business meeting, Nerdinator.” Roman snorts.

Logan’s lips twitch, and before he can blink the two are neck deep into an argument. It is by no means serious. He can tell by their relaxed postures and the inanity of the argument it itself.

“Virge, you okay?”

Patton is standing by the oven, his hands still clad in oven mittens. On top of the stovetop appears to be a homemade pizza cooling.

“Y--yeah. I just---never...had a surprise party before.” He finishes lamely, and Patton’s eyes are already tearing up in sympathy. Which, shit. Virgil doesn’t want Patton to start crying because of him.

“It’s okay, I mean I’m Anxiety--” He starts.

“No, it’s not okay,” Patton interrupts fiercely, loud enough to garner the attention of both Logan and Roman. “You deserve all the surprise parties in the world.”

“Virgil,” Logan says, avoiding eye contact, “we failed you. You shouldn’t have had to go to such lengths before we realized how important you are to us and Thomas.”

“What’s more, is that you trusted us with your name even after the way we...I treated you,” Roman softly says, his eyes pained, “that itself is an act of bravery.”

“So we wanted to throw you a surprise party to celebrate your name day,” Patton says, “maybe it won’t make up for lost surprise parties--but we’ll throw a party every day if we have to.”

Virgil stares at them all for a whole solid minute, his mouth agape. There’s so many emotions rattling inside his chest. It’s too much. A sob breaks from his throat. Patton steps forward, arms wide and Virgil accepts his embrace wholeheartedly. Roman and Logan join in, until Virgil is cocooned on all side by the others’ warmth.

He starts out this morning lost in the painful memories of the past. But now, he can draw a sigh of relief; knowing his family now has his back in the present. For once, that’s enough for him.

#thomas sanders #sander sides #virgil sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #deceit sanders #ts deceit #kat writes #this is old #so I am unsure how I feel about it #heh #I'll post the tag list in a separate reblog

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razieltwelve · 5 years ago

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Last Flight (Final Effect)

The Radiant Dawn was one of the oldest ships in the Fleet. It had seen hundreds of battles, and it had even been all but destroyed twice only to be salvaged and rebuilt. However, this would be its final battle.

Long trails of bio-plasma leaked from holes in its hull, and shattered plates of armour littered the space around it. An explosion rocked the aft section of the destroyer, and its engines sputtered and struggled to remain online. Its bridge was a ruin of mangled metal and melted armour, and all along its starboard side ran a vast gash more than two miles long and half a mile wide.

Its crew was gone. They had evacuated once the loss of the ship had become inevitable. Instead, it was only Radiant, the ship’s AI that continued the struggle. For him there would be no evacuation. With his comms damaged and without the technology of his newer peers, there was no way to upload a copy of his consciousness elsewhere. He would die as he lived - as part of the ship whose name he carried.

And what a death it would be.

As the Grimm closed in once more, not only swarms of lesser space-faring Grimm but also the titanic specimen that had been his downfall, Radiant turned what was left of his guns upon them. Of the ten titanic rail guns built into his port side, only four still operated, but four was still better than none. His emergency reactor cores flared to life, and he calmly ignored the warnings of imminent structural failure since he wouldn’t be around long enough for that to be an issue.

He fired, and the four massive projectiles, each weighing hundreds of tonnes, slammed into the largest of the Grimm at a significant percentage of the speed of light. The lesser Grimm in their path had been no hindrance at all, and the projectiles detonated, their tips using the energy of impact to fuel an exotic reaction that created tonnes of anti-matter.

The explosion annihilated the thousands upon thousands of lesser Grimm, but the colossal Grimm continued. Armour sloughed off its body, and blood trailed in its wake, but still it pressed onward, and light bloomed along its exterior as it returned fire with thousands upon thousands of bio-plasma cannons.

Radiant noted the additional damage with something that could almost have been amusement as he trained whatever was left of his point defences and lesser weapons upon the swarm of Grimm trying to envelop him. His heavy plasma cannons, each of them strong enough to pulverise planets, no longer had a functional targeting system, but the opponent was too large to miss. He simply angled himself using his battered engines and fired.

The colossal Grimm shuddered under the assault, one of its fish-like fins blown off and vast gouges appearing along its head, but then it opened its mouth. Gravity bent and twisted, and the gas feeding into the distortion spontaneously fused and then erupted outward as the Grimm allowed the miniature star to escape in the direction of Radiant. Radiant trembled, and an entire chunk of his starboard side simply evaporated while another chunk was blown off, spinning into space.

They were close now, so close, and Radiant trained every single weapon he still had left on his enemy. Missiles, lasers, plasma cannons, rail guns, ballistic weapons… everything he could muster was brought to bear. The Grimm reeled, sections of its body pulverised, burnt, or simply blown apart. It rammed into Radiant, and the destroyer snapped in half, power temporarily failing as the aft section of the ship exploded and the battered fore section rerouted to what little remained of his emergency power reserves.

And still he continued to fire.

He fired right up until the Grimm seized him in jaws that could swallow an island hole. Only then did he activate the self-destruct sequence, reactors that could mimic the power of a small star overloading and going nova in a brilliant burst of energy that seared the flesh from the Grimm’s bones and left only a final, terrible stillness upon the battlefield.

X X X

“Well… he went out the way we wanted to,” Defiant murmured. The AI was the heart of Defiant Justice, an Imperial heavy cruiser that had been dispatched with another four ships to deal with the remnants of a Grimm incursion. By all accounts, the destroyer Radiant Dawn had been lost fighting off the Grimm, but not before inflicting significant casualties and evacuating its crew.

“Is that so?” Captain Rivers replied. “Did you know him well?”

“Heh.” The AI chuckled. “Radiant was my mentor back when I was first commissioned. I mean, technically, he wasn’t, but he was part of my destroyer escort when I was commissioned to wipe out space pirates and slavers. He was already centuries old back then, so I talked to him about a lot of things. He might have been a destroyer, but he knew his stuff.”

“Ah. He was that old?”

“The oldest ship still in the fleet. I’m amazed he hadn’t been upgraded, but he hasn’t seen too much combat lately. And after being sent to a place like this, they probably figured he wouldn’t be fighting anything worse than the occasional space pirate or random Grimm.” Defiant laughed softly. “He was always wondering if he’d end up managing a space station or something boring like that. Well, I think he’d be glad to go down shooting.”

“And you can confirm that?”

“Yep. My scanners are picking up weapons exhaust as well as the radiation and hyper-dimensional signature of multiple, simultaneous reactor failure. He must have blown himself up after doing as much damage as he could.” Defiant gave the equivalent of shaking his head. “I’ll see if I can salvage anything. I knew him pretty well. He deserves to go in the Hall with all the others.”

The Hall was a place where the military dead of the Empire were honoured. AI were more than welcome there although it was customary for a piece of their hardware to be memorialised if possible.

“See to it later.” Captain Rivers ran his eyes over the battlefield. “The remaining Grimm are beginning to mass.

“Well, the best tribute we can give is finishing the job,” Defiant said. “Weapons free?”

“Weapons free.”

X X X

Author’s Notes

The creation of complex AI has led to a situation where ships are, in most ways, people just like their crew. Modern ships have methods to allow for the uploading of consciousness copies so a ship can fight until it is destroyed without the AI going down with it. Older ships, however, did not always have that luxury.

You can find me on fanfiction.net, AO3, and Amazon.

#final effect #fanfiction

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iacon-stargazer · 6 years ago

Text

The History of Optimus Prime

The Prime known to future generations only as Thirteen is Orion and Optimus in his truest form, the pure and unmarred essence of his spark. The final fragment of Primus's power, and the closest to the Creator’s own frequency—close enough to face Unicron in his place, to perform the potentially self-sacrificing act of sending them both to stasis via the proximity of their sparks.

There's no resentment over the very real possibility of himself never awakening, no regret. He hasn't yet learned such concepts. He's kind, honest, loving, and fair—to others and himself equally. He's the mediator, and with remarkable success keeps the peace between the range of personalities more extreme than his own.

The battle with Unicron changes things, however. They can no longer be truly said to have a single creator, for even as they succeeded, the touch of chaos left its mark upon them all. No more than a seed at first, it reacts uniquely as it takes root in each of them through the events that follow.

As Optimus watches the family he knew fall apart despite his best efforts to perform his treasured duty, his own seed of darkness germinates—a subtle self-blame flickering through his confusion, a sense that he's just not trying quite hard enough, that he could do better. It's small though, for his knowing that he is doing what he can and always has done.

In the end, it doesn't matter. Liege Maximo, the glib and cunning one of the group, spreads discord until, in a great crest of tragedy, Megatronus accidentally slays Solus in a moment of blind rage. The brothers are devastated, Megatronus not least of all, and he takes up a cloak of banishment, changing his name to "The Fallen". Chaos descends as remainder of them fight, and never before has Optimus felt more helpless.

His grief waters his seed of darkness, and it grows into a gripping pain—an emotional pain the likes of which his young and innocent spark has never before experienced. Lost, suffering, and helpless, when Onyx descends into the Well for the proximity to Primus to keep his spark alive when his fatally wounded frame cannot, and Micronus goes to accompany him, Optimus chooses to join them—not for the peace of that quiet and slow realm, but to step into the Allspark itself.

"To better understand the new generation, to better be able to help them." Such reasoning bears a heavy weight. Where he has failed his siblings he's determined not to fail again. The possibility for a second chance in a fresh life brings the relief of hope to lighten the guilt and grief he carries. To leave behind and forget his remaining siblings aches, but he can be of more use if he lets himself be reincarnated. He will try harder, do better, and succeed where he has failed before. Informed of this decision, Alpha Trion, the record keeper among them, redacts Optimus’s name from the Covenant of Primus, their great record of history—leaving the Optimus Prime of this age to be remembered simply as “Thirteen”.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And so Orion Pax emerges. A young mech with the same instinctual sense of goodness, an insatiable curiosity for the world in which he lives, and an unusual interest in its history. Alpha Trion watches over his reborn younger brother, offering him council as well as he can as a friend and mentor.

Orion seems to always have a persistent sense that he's missing something, forgotten something... that there's some purpose to his life that he's forgotten. It's a subtle sense of not-quite-satisfaction, something nagging for him to remember, but always just beyond his reach. He eventually forgets it—or perhaps simply grows so used to it, he ceases to notice.

Until, during his work archiving, he runs across a speech delivered by a rising gladiator in the Pits of Kaon. A gladiator who has named himself after The Fallen of the Thirteen.

As Orion's optics open to Cybertronian society's darker underbelly, so too does something deep inside of him seem to wake up. He takes action, contacts the gladiator, and begins to stand for him, beside him, aiding and reaching out to others in his own ways to bring equality to Cybertron. Despite all odds, they have hope. With this gladiator—named after Megatronus, but sharing as well all the cunning eloquence of Liege Maximo—he has a chance to succeed where his past self has failed.

If only it were that easy.

Megatronus, now with his self-chosen name clipped to Megatron—a far more self-empowered move than his namesake's change—is furious when the council (with perhaps some suggestion from Alpha Trion) offers the goal he's been seeking, a mantle of leadership in the form of Primehood, to Orion instead of himself. It doesn't matter that Orion refuses it. But Orion will make it matter, prove the truth of his intentions; he can do this...

Then in a sudden turning point, light is brought in to shine upon everything this karmic successor to Liege Maximo has kept hidden from him. It's a voluminous and black reality. The peaceful protestor has been a front, as deep beneath he has lead his truest followers to strike out in anger and violence, committing terrorist attacks that sometimes bring down not only the senators they so hate, but any number of innocent bystanders caught in the blazes.

This is the true test for Orion now. He must break through the devastation of his trust and step forward, rise above and bring them back together onto common ground.

He'll give Megatron another chance.

He tries.

It's not enough.

War is not likely. It's imminent. Feeling no other choice, Orion accepts the title he's been offered, and, fighting through the hurt of betrayal, tries to step into the role he seems to be needed in now, as a leader.

They call him “Optimus Prime.” Something about the name feels familiar, but other parts of him still resist it. He’s no Prime; he does not hold the Matrix. His decision to take the title nonetheless is one of pragmatic necessity; he needs the influence if he’s to make changes from within, and doing so is all the more urgent with Megatron as an enemy. Previously he’d hoped to support and council from the sidelines, as Megatron’s flame of passion was much more suited for leadership than his own quiet justice, but there’s not so much room for choice left for him now. Only he can do this, and so he must.

To lead in war is a great and terrible struggle, a nightmare come to life. He has to stay strong despite the weight of grief and responsibility for every warrior lost upon him. Megatron’s methods grow ever darker and more extreme as it drags on, grinding down Orion’s—no, Optimus’s, technically—hopes of changing his mind ever further, though still he does not give up. The mech he knew has to be in there somewhere still.

Even when Megatron poisons Cybertron’s very core.

Orion—Optimus—makes the journey down to save it himself. He must remove the taint of dark energon, protect the Allspark from its contamination and Megatron’s sinister goals....

There’s something more for him waiting down there. A destiny for him to take on, for only he can do this, and he is needed.

~~~~~

Optimus often clashes with the Matrix, especially at first. However, his will is strong and his ideals rarely compromised. He does recognize, however, that his personal desires are a hindrance. For all that he values individuality, freedom, and choice, he realizes that for others to have that, it’s necessary for him to sacrifice his own. And so as well as he can, he does.

Whereas Orion had once been a relatively emotionally well-adjusted individual, always acknowledging and looking for outlets for his own feelings even if he refrained from expressing them for the sake of others, Optimus begins to repress those of his that hinder him from his duty. At first it is only telling himself he doesn’t have the luxury of dwelling on them just then, but gradually it shifts to the point where he is only subconsciously aware of them until they grow too strong for him to avoid.

He finds outlets, still, in solitary drives and meditations, when those times arrive. Far more rarely does he indulge in the sorts of music he turned to as Orion, and several subjects cease appearing in his journaling.

It builds up, over the vorns, the weight he bears upon him. So many small pains blend together, dulling and numbing in their acuity. His spark never hardens, though, only endures.

Guilt weighs the heaviest of all, and pushes his martyristic complex all the further. He recognizes the importance of the role he plays—too important for him to ever waver from it—but at the same time, he still refuses to hold his life above that of any other. To let any soldier perish for him would weigh too heavily on him, and so it’s easier for him to offer up his own life as the first alternative, even if that would leave everyone else stranded without him.

They would be strong enough to manage with him gone, he tells himself.

But his duty is essential and he cannot pause from it, because they need him.

Even his subconscious cannot allow him to recognize the contradictory logic, because he has stood for these ideals so long. The pillars of his identity are forged from these principles, of his duty to those he must protect. Iron-cast and fortified, they hold him up when everything inside is saturated with guilt, pain, and regret he cannot afford to delve into. He cannot question himself anymore, because those pillars, that idea that they need him both holds him up and holds him back.

By the end, his existence is little else.

When Cybertron is restored, and his quest points him to death, the actualization is a relief. It pains him to leave those he cares for behind, but he’s needed, for one last thing. That moment, as he dives into the Well and releases the Matrix and the Allspark with it, the need for him is fulfilled.

He’s done his part.

The pillars dissolve, and he’s free.

#;{backstory}#;{headcanon}#;{long post}#tw suicide mention #{{just to be safe}}#{{it's no more than canon stuff though}}

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musesofconstantchange · 6 years ago

Text

We Have To Talk About Batman

So, I just read The Batman Who Laughs #3 and Detective Comics #998, and I can’t hold it in anymore. We need to talk about how Batman is the worst character in comics right now.

For those unaware, the previous holder of this title was Deadpool, but previous luminaries include Cyclops, Wolverine, Hal Jordan, and many others. Rather than talk about all of them, let’s focus on Deadpool and why he held it, and you’ll likely grasp why the others did as well.

First, Deadpool at his best is a humorous, witty character who swaps between moments of humor with striking, honest takes on serious topics. He is both comic relief and the character that points out the moral incongruities in the protagonist’s actions. As a protagonist, he is well suited to commentary on many things, because of his nature as an outsider sort of character. At his worst, he’s the signal to the reader that nothing that follows his appearance matters, because his existence is akin to throwing the stakes out the window. At his worst, he’s the character that derails anything resembling tonal consistency, and at his worst, he’s the character to whom all others are sacrificed in order to keep him from coming off as a psychotic madman that ruins everything. At his worst, he’s the character that all others must prostrate themselves before, no matter what he’s done, because to accept that this character is flawed is to call into question the writer’s ability to actually write a nuanced character, and we can’t have that.

You can probably tell already how all of the other mentioned characters have fallen into this trap whenever they become extremely popular, as writers with more interest in being attached to a hot property than writing good stories use them. So it was when Wolverine was the hottest character in comics, so it was when Hal Jordan was the next hot shit, so it now is with Batman.

Of course, the problem with Batman is that Batman is a character whose main flaws have been around so long that they are now parody; everyone jokes about the ‘i’m the goddamn batman’ line, and laughs at the ‘who wins in a fight, x or batman with prep time’ joke, but these hide the fact that the character of Batman himself has become the biggest mary sue in comics today. His entire character has been so flanderized, so utterly lost inside the infinite layers of parody and lack of self awareness, that all joy has been lost from the character.

Let us be honest here: the core idea of Batman is not the problem. There is a reason that there are so many Batman cartoons, and it is in no small part because Batman as a character is an almost universal one. A child suffers a great tragedy and uses that as the moment where he begins his heroic journey towards making things better. This is neither dumb nor uninteresting.

The problem is that writers of batman have, for a very long time, been very uncomfortable with the idea of who Batman is. Batman at his best is a detective, a man of science and reason and restraint, a man who resists his darker urges in comparison to the obsessives that make up his rogue’s gallery. He is a mortal man, a flawed man, but he is always a man, in that he is human and not a god. It is why he is a member of the “trinity” and the Justice League, because he is the mortal element. He is the perspective of the common man compared to the near godlike beings ( Superman, Wonder Woman, Flash, Martian Manhunter ) and cosmic focused heroes ( Green Lantern, Hawkgirl ) that he is surrounded by. He is the one that can say ‘look, you all mean well, but remember how you look to the normal guy.’

But this Batman is not popular with writers. Indeed, ever since The Dark Knight Returns, the version of Batman that has become the most common is the paranoid, near psychopathic, almost godlike messiah figure who is always right, who is never wrong for taking immoral actions, whose character all others are sacrificed to in order to ensure we all know how great he is. This Batman isn’t a mere man who uses his inherited wealth and sense of right and wrong to try and make the world a better place. This Batman is someone who is the best at everything, who constantly treats friends, allies, and family members as disposable or hindrances, who sees nothing wrong with spending his time planning on how best to kill all his friends and family, and who must constantly be shown to be smarter and better than all around him.

This Batman is a super rich mega genius who has been trained by all the world’s best people, who can never be physically defeated by anyone or mentally outwitted by them. This is Batman, invincible ninja playboy billionaire genius.

It has always been rather egregious on some level, but as time has gone by, successive writers have only deepened the problem, incrementally moving further and further towards the complete mary sue he is today. The fact that Batman needs a giant robot suit, the fact that Batman could put together such a thing somehow despite it requiring genius level knowledge in robotics and electrical and mechanical engineering, speaks to the levels of broken the character is. When movies are made where the concept of Batman vs. Superman is created to justify the existence and need for a giant robot suit so that Batman, a mortal man, can fight godlike beings, you are fundamentally failing to grasp the character and what that character is supposed to be.

Example, from the recent and aforementioned Detective Comics #998:

Ah yes, because you know what Batman needed? A giant robot suit that was put together by the Justice League with all their powers because he wasn’t awesome enough. Also, that ‘weakness’ that’s described? That’s not a weakness, which we the reader find out about it when he literally pushes it to the extreme and he’s completely fine from doing so.

But I can understand how this might come off as just me being mad that Batman has his own Iron Man suit. It’s not. The suit itself is not the issue. It’s what the suit represents that is. Because the whole reason that this exists in this is because Batman can’t stop going to people who trained him, which is basically half the known DC universe. It’s not just that he studied under Wildcat, best fighter alive, and Zatara, best escape artist alive, and Jason Blood, best fear creator alive, and Dr. Stone, one of the greatest inventors in the DC universe. The list goes on. Batman has a staggering amount of former tutors, who apparently imparted upon him near infinite knowledge of all things.

And it’s not just this near omniscient knowledge of everything either. He’s also physically better than everyone. He’s a master martial artist of a dozen styles who also knows every weapon style known to man. Oh, and apparently he’s also one of the best marksman on earth. From this week’s The Batman Who Laughs #3:

Because that’s what Batman needed, more skills!

And make no mistake, all of this makes Batman extremely boring, which is not something Batman should be. A lot of this can be chalked up to writers literally having no idea how to write a challenge for him anymore. At first, the plan was simply to make all of Batman’s villains overwhelmingly overpowered as well. This is why the Joker is somehow also a super ninja genius of everything who can conjure impossible chemicals and defeat the entire legion of doom on his own because he’s just so powerful and smart and crazy! It’s why most of Batman’s villains don’t even really fight Batman any more, it’s usually Batman fighting himself. As we saw in Kings of Fear, the entire series is nothing but Batman in his own head, the Scarecrow didn’t actually do anything.

Speaking of Batman fighting himself, let’s talk about Batman: Metal.

Look, I love me some multi-verse. I love Elseworlds. I think one of the greatest tragedies in comics was the decline of the multiverse concept in comics. But Batman: Metal goes from being about the return of the multiverse to being the latest in a long line of resignations that the only person who can compete with Batman is... Batman himself.

All the villains are various versions of Batman who, you guessed it, killed all the other members of the Justice League. Now, if you were a crafty, or moderately smart writer, you might realize that having a universe where all your nightmares are real means that this is a great way to show how wrong your character is! After all, it’s made of their beliefs in what things are, not what they actually are, which is why Batman’s idea of him becoming Green Lantern involves him using a hard light ring to make darkness and the like.

What this should do, is provide the writer with some ability to show how Batman isn’t a one-man show. That when Batman’s idea of what makes those other heroes strong runs up against the real thing, his ideas lose. But no, Batman wins, because Batman always wins, because heaven forbid Batman be wrong about other people. Apparently, Hal Jordan being the greatest Green Lantern means nothing compared to Batmans complete and utter bastardization of the concept of the ring, just as Wonder Woman being a near immortal godlike warrior who’s trained for centuries means nothing compared to Batman in what he thinks is the helmet of Ares. And it’s the same as Batman also clearly being better than the greatest Flash that ever lived because apparently Batman also has complete knowledge of the speed force now.

But almost all of what I’ve talked about could be reasoned away or excused if the moral center of Batman’s character wasn’t utterly corrupt. Consider this mentality for why Batman has contingencies and plans for every possible outcome, and why he plans for the possibility wherein he’ll need to kill all his supposed friends. The world is a dangerous place, and those people have powers, and you never know what might happen that might cause them to go over the edge. We don’t know what might cause Superman to go rogue and kill everyone. Or what might cause Wonder Woman to destroy the world of man. Or what might cause Aquaman to flood the world in the name of Atlantis! All it could take is one bad day!

Is that possibly true? Sure. But that’s not the mentality of Batman, that’s the mentality of the Joker. Joker is the one who believes that everyone is just one bad day from turning into a psychotic monster, who believes civility and decency are facades that people use to hide the fact that deep inside we’re all animals and monsters who will eat each other given half a chance. He’s the one who believes that people are all naturally bad, that people aren’t really decent, that anyone can be made into a monster and will give up their morality at the first opportunity. That’s the entire concept of his character and why he opposes Batman. It’s also why Batman opposes him.

Because Batman at his core is not meant to be an agent of vengeance. He’s not the Spectre. He’s not the Punisher. Batman is supposed to be someone who believes that people are ultimately good, that people are not all one step away from committing atrocities and war crimes, that people are, by virtue of their humanity, good people at heart. Not everyone is good, but people aren’t all monsters inside, and the reason Batman needs to exist is because someone has to stand up for the fact that there are still good people in the world.

If Batman doesn’t believe that people are good, if Batman believes that everyone is one step away from committing mass murder, then Batman is no different then the Joker. When Batman does things like make spy satellites to gather information on other hero’s weaknesses and bugs the rooms of his supposed family members, he’s not just not being Batman, he’s behaving exactly counter to the very values that Batman should be representing.

If Batman cannot trust his allies on the Justice League to be good people, then how is he any different from Amanda Waller? If Batman cannot trust his ‘family’ to the point where he feels the need to bug their homes and spy on them, why exactly did he train them? If Batman cannot believe that there is any real good in the world, then why exactly is he Batman?

Hopefully I’ve demonstrated that the problem with Batman as a character is more than skin deep. The issue of him being an overpowered superhuman being are problematic. The issue of him being a near psychopathic figure whose mental state reads like an episode of Making a Murderer is problematic. The issue of him being completely unmoored from any sort of heroic morality is problematic.

Taken together, the character represents the worst of mary sue writing. He is a character who routinely commits morally and ethically objectionable actions and suffers no fallout for them; he is a character that all others are constantly made to seem inferior towards; he is a character whose very nature and concept must constantly be revised and changed because the writers cannot bear to let the character whose defining trait is his humanity actually be human.

He is a character whose jokes have become the reality; where the exaggerations are now the baseline. Batman now is little more than a patchwork of skills and gadgets, of psychosis and grimdark man pain. It would be comedic, perhaps, if Frank Millers All Star Batman and Robin, from which the iconic ‘i’m the goddamn batman’ arises, was some kind of outlier. Yet for all the jokes and derision that comic gets, and rightly so, very little distinguishes it from the mainstream depiction of Batman in comics more generally. The flanderization of Batman is complete, and this is why Batman is now the worst character in comics.

#ooc #tw rant #rant tw

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chungledown-bimothy · 6 years ago

Text

Trust Me: Chapter 7

Hey look! A timely update! Consider it a preemptive apology to everyone who loves Logan.

Chapter 1 Chapter 6 AO3 Chapter 8

Warnings: GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF TORTURE and JD is a high schooler. It’s relatively short, and marked by ******* before and after. But it’s for sure there. Oh, and some swearing.

Author’s Note: The German translates to “I speak German too, and I know you killed them.”

Word Count: 2190

Tag List: @ccecode @emo-sanders-sides-loving-unicorn @ren-allen @ilovemygaydad @bloodropsblog @funsizedgremlin @raygelkitty @roxiefox23 @thomasthesandersengine @spookyingarbageisland @band-be-boss-blog

15 minutes passed before Logan broke the silence. "I understand that two members of the football team committed suicide two weeks ago. I know that you are new to the school, but it must be difficult nonetheless."

"Not really. I bounce around so much, I don't bother learning names or faces, let alone care about anyone. Besides, I heard they did it because they were gay and too homophobic to deal with it. No major loss there, in my opinion."

"That is… an interesting perspective, JD. I am almost afraid to ask about your thoughts on Heather Chandler's death."

"Sometimes even the shiniest of ivory towers are prisons, I suppose. One has to wonder, though, how much the bullying rate has dropped since she kicked the bucket. I mean, sure, one of the other Heathers is trying to take her place, but even she knows that she'll never measure up." He looked out the window and then back to Logan. "Hang on, I never told you where I live."

"I know where I'm going. What do you know about how Heather, Kurt, and Ram died?"

"If you say so," JD began, hesitantly. "Only what everyone knows. Heather drank drain cleaner, and Kurt and Ram shot each other. I heard someone saying that they used some special kind of bullets called ich lüge."

"Ich spreche auch Deutsch und ich weiß dass Sie sie umgebracht haben."

"H- how could you possibly know that? No one knows that. I was careful. I was perfect."

"Obviously, you were not. If you were truly careful, you would not have said anything about the bullets. You wanted to applaud yourself for being so much smarter than everyone else. You also would not have chosen such an emotionally-driven accomplice. I understand the appeal. We have a lot in common, JD. We both understand that emotion and personal attachments are nothing more than hindrances. But there is that one person who changes all of that. Who makes you want to know how to feel things. But ultimately, they will always choose their emotions over us. I was not completely certain that you killed them until you bragged about the bullets. Killing people who had been cruel towards your person, Miss Sawyer, aroused my suspicions. Rule number one of getting away with murder: only kill people to whom you are not linked."

"It's you, isn't it? The killer everyone's talking about. The Park Puzzler."

"That is the first honest and correct thing you have said all evening." Logan paused, considering JD's words. "Is that really what they are calling us? Disappointing, but not surprising. The best and brightest certainly do not go into journalism."

"You aren't gonna kill me. You said yourself, the first rule of getting away with it is killing strangers." Logan was filled with a savage glee, seeing the terror in his student's eyes, his desperate attempt to save himself.

"In most circumstances, yes, killing you would be a mistake. However, your father is known for leaving town and taking you with him unexpectedly. You have attended 10 high schools, I believe, and it is your senior year? Everyone knows that the killer is punishing people for their unpunished crimes, and how would a simple teacher know what you did? Especially one who does not interact with other teachers, let alone students. No one was around when you got in my car. No one has ever seen us interact outside of the rare occasions you showed up to my class." He sighed when he saw JD reach for the door handle. "Don't be stupid- there is no point in trying to escape. I engaged the child-lock this morning. You cannot open the door from the inside, and breaking through the window is difficult with only a fist for exceptionally strong individuals. Looking at you, I estimate that you have slightly below average upper body strength for an 18-year-old male."

"Well that's awfully rude, teach. So, I'm gonna die. Why? Why not just turn me over to the cops?"

"You are a young, white man who, when you want to, can be quite charismatic. The American justice system is skewed to protect people like you. Even that is predicated on the assumption that a prosecutor would take the case, which is unlikely, given how well you were able to convince everyone that they were suicides. Your kills were cold-blooded with very little motive outside of bloodlust, and you left very little to no evidence. Truthfully, I am rather impressed."

"And we're back to my question. Why do I have to die for doing such good work? You're a killer too. Why should I die, when you're no better than I am? If the papers are accurate, killing me will even up our body counts, so you aren't even better than me on that front."

"The quality of your work was admirable, but it was still wrong. You took three innocent lives, simply because you wanted to. I only kill those whose crimes go unpunished by the corrupt justice system. We are both killers, but my crusade is a righteous one."

"I still don't buy it. I trade in half-truths, straight-up lies, and manipulation, teach, and there's more to it than you're saying. You're gonna kill me anyway, and clearly we aren't to wherever it is you're taking me to do the job. Why not pass the time with a good old-fashioned villain monologue?"

"All will be revealed in due time. I have been reliably informed that people tend to dislike 'spoilers'."

"You're absolutely nuts. You know that, right? You're even more delusional than I am. And that's my self-harm of choice is fucking Slurpees."

"I find it interesting that you truly believe that your obsession with what is colloquially known as 'brain freeze' is less sane than your manipulation of Veronica Sawyer and the cold-blooded murders of your peers."

"Peers? That's bullshit. They were, at best, vapid instruments of the system."

"And for that, they deserved death?"

JD shrugged. "I would do anything to protect Veronica from assholes like that."

"As I would do anything to protect my sibling from a world that turns a blind eye to the crimes of assholes like you. We are at an ideological impasse. That impasse, however, is rendered irrelevant by my superior intellect. Ah, here we are." Before JD could respond, Logan reached across the car and emptied a syringe into his arm.

The first thing JD noticed when he came to was the rope around his wrists tying him to a chair. Struggling revealed that his ankles were bound as well, and the chair was bolted to the ground. He was surprised to find that he wasn't gagged. Looking around, he reasoned he could only be in a warehouse, and it was empty except for him and a video camera. He continued to struggle against his restraints, barely noticing when the rope burn broke his skin. He was also hungry, and his mouth felt like sandpaper.

"How long was I out?" JD croaked, unsure if anyone was there.

"Approximately eighteen hours. It is 2pm on Saturday." JD jumped, not expecting Logan's voice to be so close behind him. "You are in luck. Normally, Patton would take a turn with you before I do anything, but they are�� otherwise occupied. You should thank me- you will be useless to them once I have started with you, let alone finished. I am saving you potentially weeks of agony. The last one took a week and a half to learn his lesson. Only then could I begin my experiments."

"Experiments? What the fuck are you going to do to me?"

"As many things as you can endure."

"Why? Why not just kill me and get it over with? Satisfy your 'righteous crusade' without wasting time."

"And waste the opportunity to study how much the human body can endure? I think not. In all honesty, I care about the cause far less than Patton does. As I said, you will be spared their particular brand of torture, both physical and mental. I can only imagine what they'd do to you, given the fact that you murdered children, despite being a child yourself."

"We were all 18. Technically not children. Why, may I ask, won't I have the pleasure of making their acquaintance? They sound absolutely delightful."

"I am not surprised that your listening skills are subpar. They have other business to attend to."

"They're with someone, aren't they? That's why you've got such a big bug up your ass about emotional attachments and me and Veronica. It's rebellious child 101, teach. Lash out to get their attention. You aren't the center of their universe any more, and it's eating you alive." Logan flinched, and JD smirked; he'd hit his mark.

"Those who speak of what they know find too late that prudent silence is wise. This is doubly true for children who know nothing." He raised a hand, cutting JD off. "No more talking. Feel free to scream, however. Your responses will be recorded on that camera," he pointed, "and further analyzed later. I tend to get… distracted in the moment."

Logan briefly returned to the shadows of the warehouse before returning with a tank that seemed to be smoking. "This, JD, is liquid nitrogen. You mentioned your fondness for cold-induced pain. Let us see how you feel about it in the extreme. And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest."

****************************

He put on thick gloves and an apron before opening the lid and pulling out a ladle full of liquid nitrogen. Very carefully, he stepped forward and slowly emptied the ladle onto JD's arm.

The first drops hit JD's skin with a sizzle, causing JD to flinch. That flinch quickly turned into convulsions and a scream he didn't know he was capable of making when the stream grew thicker. It burned. Every second was more painful than the last. He was on the edge of unconsciousness when the agony stopped getting worse- Logan had stopped pouring. JD didn't know how long he sat there, face contorted with pain, before he was able to open his eyes and look at his arm. He immediately wished he hadn't. From wrist to elbow, his arm was mostly violently red and blistered. What truly horrified him, however, were the areas that weren't red at all, but were an unnatural grayish-yellow.

***************************

"That is third degree frostbite. Those uniquely discolored areas should turn black over the course of our time together." JD tried to scream, to swear, to cry, but he couldn't. He was hit with a wave of dizziness and nausea when he tried to open his mouth. "Ah yes, that would be the shock setting in. Breathe with me, JD. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight." Logan led him through the breathing exercise until he returned to a slightly more normal temperature. "Well done. Keep focusing on your breathing; I will be right back with some first aid."

"Wh- why bother?" JD asked when Logan returned without his gloves and apron, carrying a first aid kit. "Why not let me die from this?"

Logan gently began heating the frostbite with a warm, wet towel before responding. "There are more experiments to run. Even if this was the only one I had planned for you, seeing how it heals is a crucial part of the process. My goal isn't killing you. My goal is observing how the human body reacts to and recovers from various extreme stimuli. Letting you die would be extremely counterproductive. For now, at least." Logan began wrapping JD's arm with bandages. "There we go. That should be adequate to keep you alive and will hopefully prevent gangrene. The point is to study frostbite, not gangrene."

"Why thank you." JD smirked the best he could, but even he knew that it was, at best, a pitiful attempt.

"You certainly are strong, JD. Most people would not dare being sarcastic in the face of their torturer. Drink this." Logan demanded, holding a water bottle to his lips. "Good. I suggest you get comfortable. I will be back tomorrow to change your bandages and check on you. Can't have you dying before I allow it."

Sunday

"Oh Logan, he's absolutely wonderful. He's so smart, kind, and handsome. He didn't even blink when he learned my pronouns! And he said the most beautiful things about Monet and Impressionism. Aahh, I wish I could stay and tell you all about it and him, but I have to spend some time at the coffee shop- between our work and Virgil, I haven't spent nearly enough time there!" Patton got to the door before turning around. "Oh, and I'd love to know what you were up to yesterday- I called, but you didn't answer or call me back. That's why I had to come check on you before going to work. I'll be back around eight tonight, okay? See you then!" Patton was out the door before Logan could respond. Eleven hours. Plenty of time to tend to JD and come up with a convincing lie.

#sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #fun and games #my writing #sanders sides fan fic #sanders sides au #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #please reblog if you like it #trust me

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lordsicheng · 6 years ago

Note

can you do a synastry ship with wanna one's seongwu, daniel and woojin? thank you~ and happy anniversary!!!!

Hi~ Thank you so much! And thank you for requesting ❤️ I received your birth details in another ask (and yes I needed year hehe) and it will be deleted once I post this. Here are your results~

Seongwoo

Mercury Conjunct Moon

This aspect is very favorable in terms of compatibility because you are both able to balance rational and emotional needs. You may tend to be somewhat dependent to him but he is able to respond very fairly. It’s a match in terms of understanding each other very well. You are likely more open to him and he is responsive in a way where he is able to give you a good amount of emotional security and good advice.

*supported by Neptune Trine Moon and Neptune Trine Ascendant. In terms of Neptune Trine Moon, he is able to intuitively understand your needs and showers you with love that can help you grow out of your shell and he is able to aid you for to be the best you can be. Neptune Trine Ascendant helps because there is stability and patience for both of you. You are both able to understand each other rather well.

Mars Sextile Venus

Strong attraction between both of you, although not as strong as trine and conjunct. However, because you both are able to express yourselves to each other in an honest manner, this grows mutual respect as he is able you with your drive to your goals and you are able to help him express himself more openly. A good aspect for harmony between two individuals.

Mercury Trine Ascendant / Jupiter Conjunct Mercury

Decided to put these together because they’re quite similar. In terms of communication, there is a very good balance and chance that you both are very similar in terms of opinions and ideas. His values also seem to match with your own mind and opinions in many things, which makes both aspects very good for harmony and overall communication between you two. Communication may also seem to be a very important point between both of you that makes your relationship grow and work.

Pluto Conjunct Sun

He values you a lot and yet may find himself grow into jealousy and possessive tendencies, which may possibly make you feel slightly uncomfortable. However this isn’t as harsh as a square, and can also mean well like his innermost thoughts and desires are compatible to how you see things, which is very good for emotional and spiritual growth.

Saturn Opposite Moon

This aspect is quite hard to get over because he tries to give you enough freedom and helps you restrict yourself from things you need to give up, but you’d slightly feel uncomfortable or trapped because of this. This may also indicate differences in terms of parental guidance from both, they may not be as appreciative of each other and may be a common hindrance in your relationship.

Daniel

Sun Conjunct Venus / Venus Conjunct Sun (double-whammy)

This adds a very warm understanding of each other’s expressions and ideals of love. You find each other attractive and may be interested in the same things when it comes to beauty and aesthetics. A very loving placement because you’re both able to be comfortable with each other throughout.

Venus Opposite Ascendant

This is a very fulfilling aspect as it is a strong marriage indicator for most. You may find him to be the person who embodies the qualities you look for in a partner, since his Venus lies in your 7th house. A very gentle partnership where you understand each other with lots of cooperation.

Mars Trine Ascendant

You both enjoy the same activities and hobbies together. You help each other grow rather emotionally and mentally because the he person helps you push you out of your comfort zone, and you help him with his personal goals that fulfills both of you. This is also very good for marital partnerships.

*can be supported by Jupiter Trine Ascendant. His values and knowledge are in harmony with yours and this also helps with partnerships since he is able to help you expand your thoughts and desires (especially with Venus/Ascendant aspects)

Venus Sextile Moon

You are emotionally comfortable with each other since he is able to adapt to your needs and wants. He gives you enough emotional security that helps boost your confidence in him, and you’re able to fulfill him rather creatively. Also a good aspect for good harmony between you two.

Sun Square Moon

Here we see that he may tend to not understand your emotions or if he does, may feel rather overwhelmed or confused. Your emotional habits may not match up with how he tries to express himself, which causes a visible difference between two of you. This can be managed if with many positive aspects with regards to Venus and Moon.

Woojin

Venus Conjunct Moon

You both are able to understand each other’s emotions and moods. He shows his softer side to you and you’re able to express your deepest feelings to him. This is a really good aspect for close friendships and partnerships because both are able to adapt and realize to each other’s emotions.

Venus Trine Ascendant

Not as strong as conjunction but this shows you both are able to be comfortable with each other. You may also have very similar friendships together and are very nice to each other. Attraction is also possible, even at first side especially from Venus.

Saturn Conjunct Ascendant, Saturn Trine Jupiter, Saturn Sextile Mars and Saturn Sextile Saturn, Sun Trine Saturn

Many aspects with regards to Saturn shows a very stable and sensible relationship. There are so many things to learn from each other and seeing you have a trine, a conjunct and sextiles, you’re both very agreeable for the most part. With regards to Jupiter and Mars, you’re both understanding of each other’s knowledge and ways in life because there are some things you find common from each other. For Saturn and Ascendant, you both are willing to teach each other and learn from each other your own values to learn how to be cooperative with each other.

Venus Square Venus, Venus Square Pluto

This may cause some irreconcilable differences because of how you may feel the love is “forced” or “trapping” you. However, you may also feel slight possessiveness over him because of Pluto, which can needs to be fixed with Saturn and Moon aspects to learn how to let loose at times. In terms of ideas and expressions of love, it goes either way since a square is quite harsh when it comes to Venus-Venus aspects. It shows difference in love that can either be good or bad, which is very dependable on how it is carried between you two.

Mars Opposite Saturn

This is again a pretty challenging aspect because your restrictions can be a hindrance to his own goals or if you are at least supportive, he doesn’t feel as supported as he should be / feels like you just forced yourself into this. You might often find him irresponsible or not engaging, which can cause quite an argument from time to time. There is also a possibility of a loss of self control between you two.

#wanna one #ong seongwoo #park woojin #kang daniel #wanna one scenarios #wanna one imagines #kpop ships #kpop astrology #namemenoz

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considergoldenkamuy · 6 years ago

Note

emergency request, could you do a mirio/m!reader scenario where he finds his boyfriend hurting himself over feeling like he was so useless? could you use hold on by chord overstreet? thanks and i'm sorry if this is boring and/or bothersome

anon ,, if you are who i think you are, but even if you’re not, you can come talk to me if you want to. i myself am not very emotionally stable but if you think i can help or understand something you’re having trouble with or going through, please don’t be afraid to PM me. don’t do it if you’re not comfortable, i don’t want to force you to do anything that you won’t like, but just know i’m here as a conversation partner, emotional and serious talks or casual chat.

SPOILERS FOR MANGA-ONLY CONTENT

DEPRESSION, SELF-HARM, MENTIONING OF NEARLY CARRIED OUT SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS; READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION

Mirio wasn’t a selfish person, in fact he was likely the furthest one could get from that side of the waters. He was kind, enthusiastic and bright. Ever so very bright, even in the darkest of times, even all those times he had to hold you in his arms and whisper consoling words as you cried into his shoulder, the tears hot, streaking down your face and sinking into the fabric of his shirt.

Even all those times you made silly mistakes, even all those times you didn’t do well in school and started becoming frustrated with yourself, even all those times you lashed out on him by accident, he kept smiling. Mirio kept smiling as he willingly gave you whatever he could to help you feel better. For that you were grateful. But for that you felt an overwhelming amount of guilt.

In fits of sadness, you forgot everything else. The world didn’t seem to be clear anymore, you would forget how to see clearly. You can’t get anywhere in a world like that, all you can do is trip, fall, stumble up only to trip all over again. How do you walk? How do you think? How do you see?

Everything slips right through your fingers and you’re too numbed by self-hatred to notice or try to grasp at them. It’s just a void all around you, colorless, senseless; just a blank space.

And you become afraid, the only thing there besides yourself being the dark and spiteful thoughts floating around you relentlessly. Frightened, alone, you curl up and hide away from the world until your tear-filled eyes come across a small, long object.

Taking the pen into your hand, you gritted your teeth. You were so self-centered, only concerned with yourself and your petty, useless emotions. In a small world where you lived in the delusion that no one and no thing could ever possibly need you, much less miss you.

Everything you tried to make or complete ended up a mess, every time you talked to anyone, you were only an annoyance and a hindrance. Speaking to them about something as ridiculous as your emotions wasn’t acceptable. With a shaking hand, you drew the click pen back, the tip not drawn, wincing before choking back a sob.

You were a boy.

stab

You were a man.

stab

Men don’t cry.

stab

No, you had to be strong. stab You had to be strong, for your parents who supported a worthless child like you, stab for your older brother who tried his best but could never make it far, stab for your friends who were always so kind to you and relied on you, and most of all, you had to be strong for your boyfriend, Mirio.

Breathing beginning to fail you, you whimpered as you ruthlessly jabbed the pen into your wrist, seeing red dots beginning to form across the surface. On the inside part of your arm, small scars along your palm and fingers were visible. Your parents had confiscated your scissors after that incident, Mirio always so worriedly trying to make sure you were okay. Most were small, not slashes, just soft puncturing.

The first time Mirio had found you with your scissors, tracing along the dip beneath your collarbones morbidly, not quite breaking enough skin to cause major bleeding, he begged you not to do it again.

stab

He hated the sight of you injured.

stab

He longed for you to be happy, to smile with him.

stab

But how was that possible with someone like you? All you ever did was make him worry. All you ever did was make your parents angry and stressed over everything you did. All you ever did was disappoint your friends whenever you felt or acted vulnerable.

stab

STAB

You paused, heaving in air as pain began to sting from the skin, some broken with light prickles of bright red beginning to gather around some of them. The others only gathered crimson below the surface and you let loose a few tears.

All you ever did was be useless. You couldn’t even make up for all the money and time your parents and brother spent on you, nor your friends, nor the love and kindness Mirio poured upon you every day. To use it on you was a waste of resources. All you ever did was mope and whine. Why did they even bother at this point?

Things would be better with you gone. Things would be better if you just left, they would move on fast enough. It wasn’t as if you mattered enough to any of them for you to last for long in their mind. The boy who committed suicide over his own overwhelming emotions. What a weakling, what a coward.

Holding the pen to your own throat felt so familiar, the tip out and glimmering against the light from your desk lamp. You held a knife there once, then a scissor blade. Even your own nails clawing at your own neck just to keep the air shut out from your head was a distant and tempting feeling.

Above all else, though, you absolutely hated that you never carried through. You never ended the burden and source of stress that was you and your worthless life. You had no suffering of your own to end, this would be for their sake. Anything you felt wasn’t necessary. Men are supposed to be strong and independent.

You shouldn’t have to rely on others, you should figure this out yourself. And yet you couldn’t. What kind of man were you? You couldn’t even help your boyfriend in the battle that cost him his Quirk. Useless. Worthless. Garbage. Trash. A waste.

A plaintive whine left you, before you let out a loud shout of frustration, taking the sharp pen and jabbing once. Once only, scraping against the side of your thumb, before a strong and familiar hand caught your wrist and you froze. Your breath caught in your throat, an expression of pure fear crossing your features as you turned your head to peer over your shoulder at a snail’s pace.

“What are you doing?” His voice came as an urged and distressed whisper, and you felt yourself crack into a million more pieces seeing the heartbroken look on his face. Carefully, he called your name again, pausing for a short moment. The way your name rolled off his tongue so pleasantly, so fondly yet so full of concern made your face scrunch up, more tears threatening to fall. “Please…please, just tell me…”

No, no. Mirio was never desperate like this. This wasn’t Mirio was it? This wasn’t Mirio you were making sad, right? This wasn’t Mirio you were disappointing, right?

“I-I’m s-sorry,” you hiccuped, avoiding his gaze with tear-blurred vision, lips trembling as if they were freezing cold, but you know your entire visage was burning hot from holding back anguished wails and screams. “I-I don’t…Mirio, I, I just, what do I do? I don’t - shit, no - I’m fine, I-I can handle it. Don’t you have homework to do?”

His eyes widened at your words, jaw slackening a bit as he tried to gather words, hurt beginning to gather in his eyes. You choked back a sob as you wrenched your wrist from his hand, throwing the pen on the table and trying to run past him to get to the bathroom. Mirio didn’t let you, catching your injured wrist on accident and immediately letting go when you yelped in pain. He was frozen again.

“Talk to me, please, please, I don’t want you to suffer alone like this,” he implored, sounding nigh helpless as he stared at your back, his own hand frozen when he saw small specks of blood on it. Mirio pursed his lips, but said nothing. “Tell me what’s bothering you, please, I’m begging you, I don’t want to see you like this - “

“You weren’t supposed to see me like this,” your words came out sharper than you intended, but you were too caught up in your own mind, in your own narrow world to notice his flinch as you stormed off, this time successfully making your way into the tiled room, shutting and locking the door behind you, turning on the cold water in the sink.

You didn’t deserve his attention like this. He was Mirio, he had better things to do than fret over pitiful you. Why didn’t he just leave? A loud sob finally left you, the tears finally beginning to flow freely as you made a few strangled sounds of emotional strain. No matter how hard you tried to cry, to let it all out, your body had long since begun to naturally rejected the mere prospect of crying.

Your very being prevented you from getting anything off your chest.

“Men don’t cry,” you reminded yourself, voice shaking as your body trembled, bile gathering in the back of your mouth. “Men don’t cry. You’re a man, aren’t you? Don’t cry over this. Just die if you’re so weak.”

Immediately after you spoke these words, there was a quiet knock on the bathroom door. You didn’t verbally answer, but you knew who it was and what he wanted. Mirio called your name softly, but loud enough for you to hear over the running water hitting the bowl of the sink.

“Please let me in. I can’t live with myself knowing you’re hurting yourself over something I don’t know about,” he was too gentle with you, he cared too much. You swallowed more feeble whimpers, not moving to open the door. You heard the awkward shuffling of Mirio shifting his weight between his feet, you could picture him glancing between his feet and the pale paint coating the wood. Again, he called your name, but more worriedly this time. “Are you there? Are you okay? If you stay quiet I’ll have to break in.”

He heard a faint sniffle, the hushed sound of the lock on the door being undone before it was slowly opened. Mirio felt relief wash over him upon seeing you alive and generally alright, before his eyes trailed to your wrist. The bruising had begun to fade, along with the stinging and puffing up injuries because of the water, but it was still very visible. Gently and carefully, he reached out and lifted your arm closer so he could take a look.

You bit your lip and stared into the ground, ashamed. Mirio inspected the damaged skin before cautiously pulling it over to the sink again in an uncharacteristically serious silence. A few seconds passed, before minutes until what felt like hours. But he cut it off, of course.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but why? If anything at all is bothering you, you can just come to me,” he reminded but you shook your head. It was never that simple.

“Mirio, what do I mean to you?” you asked hesitantly and he frowned for a moment, detecting the shame in your expression before smiling as he formulated an answer. That smile always made you feel so warm it was almost embarrassing.

He said your name tenderly, chuckling a little when he saw a light blush splash across your cheeks, “You’re my boyfriend. You mean the world to me and I was always so afraid when out doing hero work that I’d put you in danger. You’re not in Class A, you’re in the Support Courses. You’re not as strong as I am in a fight. But I’d do anything to protect you, I want to keep being able to make you smile and laugh.”

You paused for a moment, a smile threatening to grace your lips. “If I died…would you forget about me?”

At this, his cheerful mood dropped completely, a dead serious look on his face as he stared you dead in the eye, something you couldn’t bring yourself to break away from.

“Don’t say things like that. I won’t let you die on me, no matter what. If you died, I’d keep living. I still have friends and family. I’d still have a normal life.” Your lips twitched downwards, but then again what were you expecting? “But I’d cry every night, remembering you’re not there. I’d remember you in the morning and how you always called me, and I’d cry again.”

Your eyes widened, and he took both your hands in his, ignoring the icy water spreading onto his palm. Mirio was too fixated on speaking.

“I’d cry,” he said again, a grin formed on his lips, but you saw a single tear run down his cheek. “I’d cry a lot. Knowing that I didn’t save you, that I didn’t help you when you needed it. Please don’t die on me, I need you.”

“,,,Mirio, you don’t need me,” you whispered feebly and he opened his mouth to protest but you cut him off. “You can say it as much as you want, but you don’t. You just need your passion, and you’ve got that all going for you. You don’t need me at all in the long run.”

He stared at you blankly for a long moment before suddenly giving you a tight and strong embrace, one you let out a small sound of surprise at, before realizing that his tears had begun to stain your shoulder.

“Don’t say things like that,” he pleaded. “I need you so much more than you know. So, so much more.”

You stood there, still, before returning the hug and leaning your head on his strong shoulder. Even though neither of you felt especially cheerful, something felt oddly reassuring. But whatever it was could be saved for later as you felt loud sobs and sounds of sorrow leaving you freely for the first time in years.

Mirio’s grasp on you tightened and he smiled a little despite himself, petting your head as you cried into his shoulder, like you had done several times before. But this one was special.

Because this time, he cried with you.

#bnha #bnha imagines #emergency request #triggering content #depression #self harm #togata mirio

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