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mypoisonedvine · 4 years

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Seeing Red | bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x actress!reader (part 2)

(part 1)

series summary: bucky used to brag that he didn’t have a celebrity crush, or really care about famous people at all, which is what made him the perfect person to start working for a celebrity like yourself. except, of course, it’s just his luck that he’d fall for you.

word count: 3k

chapter warnings: kinda smut? (male masturbation), stalking (not bucky lol), a bit a violence, angst

It had been a month. Well, 29 days, to be exact; he’d been counting them. 29 days since he’d seen so much more than he was supposed to, and he was pretty sure you’d seen him too. 29 days of tense silence as he wondered if you were ever going to say anything about it.

It must have been that you hadn’t seen him, if you hadn’t said anything for so long. But god, it really did feel like you were looking right into his eyes as you came that night. He knew the reality was that it was a horrible mistake and he was a terrible person for looking at you like that, and that he was never going to be any closer to you than watching someone else pleasure you; he knew that truly. But regardless, that moment had been playing on repeat in his mind for 29 days.

And now, as he took his shower, he prepared to finish off day 29 and start day 30.

“Fuck,” he hissed under his breath, head falling back against the cool tile as his hand stroked slowly over his cock. He’d dreamt about you (again) and woken up so hard that it actually hurt; so this wasn’t a continuation of his perversion, or his unhealthy obsession, no, it was pain relief. It was medicine, really.

In his dream, like always, it had been him between your legs in the back of the car and not that other guy— who he’d seen on TV the other day, dying in the first five minutes of an episode of some awful CW drama, by the way. It killed him that he couldn’t know how you really taste, or how you really would sound saying his name, but the best guess of his subconscious would have to do. He tried to conjure in his mind how you sounded that night, each frame of the memory burned into his brain until it was what he saw every time it closed his eyes.

Baby.

That was what you’d said first, and it still made his heart stop every time it echoed in his head. Baby.

The word itself was sort of innocuous, but it was the way you said it— just below your breath, deep but airy— and what it meant. It was a plea: you were begging him to touch you, to make you feel good, to help you. Bucky could listen to you beg for hours, it would be like music to his ears; like poetry, even.

Later that night, when he’d given you the rest of his sandwich, he’d gotten the closest he ever would to hearing you moan his name. What you’d said originally was just ‘oh my god, Bucky, this is so good’ and it was just generic enough that he could imagine it being a little more specific. Sure, it was stupid to get off on memories of you praising a sandwich (that you ate while drunk in the shower) but it still did wonders for him as his hand pumped his length faster and faster.

Oh my god, Bucky, it feels so good— you feel so good. You’re so good. Oh my god, Bucky—

He bit down on his lip, already so close to the edge that there was no turning back, toes curling underneath the stream of hot water as his breathing moved just as quick as his thoughts— thoughts of you in the back of the car, or in the shower with your foggy silhouette just barely visible to him, or doing all sorts of things that he’d never seen you do but he’d love to pretend he had.

“Oh my god, Bucky!” you yelled as you swung open the door, a choked moan jumping out of his throat in shock as his eyes shot open, come starting to spill down over his hand.

You couldn’t see him through his shower curtain, thank all that’s holy, but it was a sort of sensory overload as he tried to process what was going on mid-orgasm.

“What?!” he yelped, voice clearly rougher but hopefully not in a way you would find suspicious.

“Come quick,” you requested.

Already did, he thought to himself with a shudder of guilt.

“What’s going on?”

“There’s somebody in the yard,” you explained frantically, “it’s probably nothing, but I don’t know how they got past the gate—”

Your mitigation was lost to him as he was already turning off the flow of water, the evidence of his misdeed already washed away, leaving only the ringing in his ears and the burning in his cheeks as reminders.

You stepped out into the hall to give him just enough privacy to slip on a robe, which he was certain he looked ridiculous in but he really had no choice. Storming out of the bathroom, he wasn’t sure he was ready to confront a potential threat while dripping wet and barefoot, but the whole point of him living here most of the week was so he could keep you safe at all times— apparently, shower time included.

“Stay inside,” he instructed you quickly, “and stay out of the line of sight of any windows and doors, got it?”

You nodded, and he could tell you were scared. He hated that you had to worry about this sort of stuff. He was glad to be there to help, yes, but he would rather this line of work didn’t need to exist at all even if it put him out of a job. You waited for him there as he pushed past you and moved through the living room, considering whether or not he should grab a weapon from the safe he kept hidden in this room— but then he glanced to his left arm, drying quicker than the rest of him, and remembered he already had a weapon.

By the time he reached the door he could hear someone shouting your name outside. As Bucky flipped on the damn-near-blinding security light on your porch and entered the yard, he saw a guy— smaller than him, but not exactly tiny— who seemed to ignore him and the light completely as he continued his desperate attempts to get your attention.

“This is private property, you need to leave,” Bucky told the man in his best ‘stern but not quite yelling’ voice.

“Is she home?” he asked him instead, totally unfazed by the warning. As the fan looked back up and called your name again, Bucky shivered with the realization that he was looking up at your bedroom window. Had he already seen you there? Or, worse, did he have some other way of knowing which window was your bedroom?

“You need to get out of here before I call the police. You’re trespassing,” Bucky continued, pushing the man back towards the gate. Sadly, Bucky knew from experience the police weren’t that concerned about celebrity stalkers— you and him had both called to no avail once they learned the name of the homeowner. It made his blood boil just to think about it.

“Hey, let go of me!” the man resisted, pushing Bucky back. He seemed to sober up a bit when Bucky’s face changed, though, but it was too late. He tried to duck but totally missed, and Bucky’s right fist made contact with his jaw. “Ow!” he screeched, cowering and trying to cover his face. “What the fuck?! That’s assault— you just assaulted me!”

“And you’re trespassing. And harassing. And probably stalking,” Bucky listed, continuing to guide the man back towards the gate. “Tell me how you got in here. Did you hop the fence?”

He couldn’t go any further back as the man was pressed back against a stone column, squirming a bit but otherwise putting up little fight— or maybe he was actually trying his best, and it was just lost on someone as strong as Bucky.

Unamused by his stammering and lack of an answer, Bucky brought his metal fist to the column right beside the man’s face, hitting hard enough to break off a sizable chunk of the stone. “Tell me!” he demanded.

“There’s a tree out back, I climbed it!” he explained with a whimper, “I’m sorry!”

“Don’t come back here, you hear me? Or this—” Bucky pointed to the dent in the column that he’d made— “will be your face!”

Letting him go and swinging open the gate a bit, the man ran away of his own volition, stumbling down the street and out of the glowing light of the streetlamps. Bucky let out a low sigh, hoping it was the last of him but terrified that it wouldn’t be. He made a mental note to call a landscaper about trimming this mysterious tree in the back, or maybe chopping it down altogether, as he made his way back inside. He found you in the living room, chewing your nails nervously and watching him step closer with wide, watery eyes.

“He’s gone,” Bucky informed you quickly.

“Thank you,” you mumbled.

“You okay?” he asked gently.

“Um, yeah,” you decided, but you didn’t seem so confident. Even so, he wasn’t sure what more he could do.

“Oh, I broke your pillar, by the way. Sorry.”

“I saw that,” you smiled a little, but he frowned.

“I told you to stay out of sight of the windows,” he reminded you.

You sighed. “I know, I know, I just…” you trailed off, lip quivering a little as you got emotional again. “I know it’s stupid but—”

“No, don’t say that,” he interjected.

“— but I was so scared,” you finished, voice wavering as you ran towards him, suddenly pulling him into a tight hug. It took him by surprise, but he figured it was okay to hug you back. He was only wearing a robe, he suddenly remembered, and your face was against the exposed portion of his bare chest. If he hadn’t gotten off just minutes ago, he certainly would’ve gotten hard just from that (embarrassingly enough).

“Hey, it’s okay,” he soothed gently, indulging himself in resting his chin on top of your head as he stroked your hair.

“Thank you,” you mumbled against his skin, pulling him even closer, “god, I don’t even know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t been here.”

A pang of guilt rattled in his chest; you trusted him so completely and he was crushing on you, spying on you (only the once, but still), taking advantage of your need for protection, staying in your guest bedroom and jerking off to you in your shower— when had he turned into an unstoppable pervert?

“Will you stay in my room tonight?” you asked him suddenly, looking up at him with those big shiny eyes and a pouty lip.

“Oh nonononono,” he shook his head, instantly recognizing that trap.

“No, Bucky, please,” you whimpered, “that guy might come back, I don’t want you all the way across the house.”

“I shouldn’t— I’d be overstepping—” he stammered.

“Please,” you sighed, and he sighed too, because when you said it like that, he couldn’t say no to you.

Bucky had insisted on staying on the floor as opposed to getting up on your bed, which was a drag but whatever. At least you had a lot of good spare blankets and pillows to make him a comfy-looking pallet. He seemed to agree when he appeared behind you in the doorway to find you on your knees on the floor, putting it all together.

“You didn’t need to do that, I’m pretty good at sleeping on floors as-is,” he dismissed.

“No, I’m happy to!” you beamed, turning around and choking a bit when you looked up at him in his pajamas. Even though they were still pretty conservative, specifically sweats and a scoop neck sweater-y sort of top, it was probably more than you’d ever seen of him since his uniform was very concealing. You were kind of hoping to catch a glimpse of his metal hand— you didn’t get to see it much because he wore driving gloves the vast majority of the time, and you hadn’t really been paying attention when it was exposed earlier by his just being in a robe— but he was noticeably leaning against the doorframe in such a way that you couldn’t see it. The thing that really got a reaction out of you was his dog tags, though; you’d never seen him wear them before and there was something perfect about the way the silver chain dangled over the slight peek of collarbone visible above his neckline. “Aren’t you warm wearing that much to bed?”

“No, it’s fine,” he dismissed. You hoped he wasn’t wearing more just for your benefit. Shirtlessness would’ve benefited you more, certainly. In fact, now you felt kind of bad that you were just wearing a thin, silky short-and-tank set. Hopefully it didn’t make him uncomfortable.

Getting up from the floor, you slipped under your covers and motioned for him to do the same. He turned off your lamp first, stealing your last chance at a good view of the hand, and you heard him get comfortable on the floor.

“Thank you for this,” you mumbled quickly into the darkness. “I don’t think I’d be able to fall asleep if you weren’t in here.

“Oh, of course,” he replied softly.

“Goodnight,” you whispered.

“Goodnight,” he answered back, and his low, sleepy voice was somehow both soothing and energizing.

You weren’t sure if you even tried to fall asleep, or how long you laid staring out into the void of the darkness. It was so dark in your room that you saw purple spots dancing in the corners like static as your eyes adjusted, incomprehensible shapes forming to make up for the lack of visual stimulation. You wished that there was enough ambient light to be able to see Bucky’s shape on the floor and know he was there; instead, you settled for the subtle sound of his slow breathing. When you heard him adjust slightly, you decided maybe just the breathing wasn’t enough to be sure it was really safe.

“Bucky?” you whispered under your breath. “Are you awake?”

“Yes,” he answered, making you sigh with relief.

“I can’t sleep.”

“I thought you said you wouldn’t be able to sleep if I wasn’t here.”

“But I never said you being here would make me sleep,” you pointed out.

“Then I should go,” he decided.

“No, please,” you hissed, “don’t go.”

“Okay.”

You took a deep breath. “Tell me something,” you requested.

“Tell you what?”

“I don’t know, anything.”

He paused for a moment. “Will it help you sleep?”

“Maybe,” you shrugged.

Bucky sighed, and you heard him turn on his side. “Want me to tell you a bedtime story?” he asked, sarcasm noticeable even in a whisper.

“Yes,” you announced with a smile.

“Okay,” he pondered, “um… once upon a time—”

“Good start,” you rolled your eyes.

“No interrupting!” he scolded.

“Sorry…”

“Anyways, once upon a time there was a princess, who lived in a castle in the Isle of Manhattan.”

“A castle?” you asked excitedly.

“A somewhat modest castle, but yes. One with big golden gates and marble columns. The princess didn’t live all alone in her castle though— at least, not all the time. She had many royal attendants, and servants, and plenty of friends of course. But the problem with being a beautiful, kind, generous princess is that sometimes people get too friendly and want to visit her in the castle when she’d rather be alone. Thankfully, the princess had a last line of defense—”

“Let me guess, a knight in shining armor?” Or more like knight with shining arm.

“Wish I could say so,” he disagreed. “No, this princess needed something a little fiercer, and that was why a dragon guarded the castle.”

“A dragon?!”

“Mhmm. A big, scary dragon with sharp teeth and big wings, that breathed fire on anyone who got in his way. The thing about knights is that they’re noble, and handsome, and righteous. But righteousness prevents people from doing bad things, and sometimes bad things need to be done to protect good things. So, knights can’t protect princesses like they should. That’s what dragons are for. They’re mean and nasty— it’s their nature, after all— and sometimes you need somebody burnt up, so you call a dragon and he’ll deal with it for you. And this dragon was the meanest and nastiest of them all, and he’d burnt a lot of people in his time. Oddly enough, the princess was still nice to him, but she had a lot of knights and princes and kings who wanted her hand. Good thing the dragon was there to pick off the worst ones.”

You giggled a little, even though your heart was racing.

“The dragon watched over the castle every night— well, five nights a week… cause the princess wanted weekends to herself— but, still, he was very dedicated and did his best to keep her safe. Sometimes he would take her to whatever lavish ball she had been invited to that week; she would ride on his back as he flew there, even though he was pretty scared she would fall off or something. And sometimes…”

Your breath caught at the pause, waiting anxiously for what would come next.

“Sometimes the dragon wished he wasn’t a monster. But if he wasn’t a monster, then he couldn’t keep her safe. So, he resigned himself to a life outside the castle, because at least he could be near her— even if she was impossibly far away.”

You swallowed as you tried to process it, finding yourself at a complete loss for words.

“The end,” he whispered gently, before giving you a goodnight and saying your name in a way that he’d never said it before— at least, you’d never heard him say it that way before. But you really, really hoped you’d get to hear it again. You did manage to fall asleep eventually, dreaming about flying and wishing you didn’t have to wake up.

#bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes fanfiction

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mmvalentine · 3 years

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The Pianist pt 4 | Jurdan

Modern AU. Part 1 part 2 part 3 part 5

Jude woke up with a bad taste in her mouth and cotton wool in her brain. She groaned, groped around on the night stand for her phone and had to look at the screen through one eye because the light hurt her.

Does Cardan wake up like this every day? Jude wondered. And if so, how was he not dead?

Cardan. Shit.

Jude had a vague memory of kissing Cardan at Locke's party, but she was not entirely sure that she hadn't dreamt it. Fuck it. Cardan had been with so many girls she very much doubted one drunk kiss at a party would even register for him. Jude refused to be embarrassed.

In fact she was pretty sure that what she was actually feeling was annoyance, since he a) had managed to get under her skin even though she absolutely didn’t want him there and hadn’t invited him and b) was now striking up some exercises on the piano that sounded like he was playing them on the inside of her skull. Since when did Cardan start anything before lunch?

Jude tried to roll over and go back to sleep. Luckily for her, this was her one day a week off from all three of her jobs. Unluckily for her, Cardan was only just getting started.

Twenty minutes later, there was a pause. Jude sighed her relief as the infernal exercises finally stopped- only for a furious Baroque piece to begin. “No no no no,” Jude yelled. She flung back her covers, still dressed in the black dress from the night before, with bed hair and yesterday’s makeup, and stalked out the door barefoot.

Through the fire door, up one flight of steps, and down the hall to Cardan’s flat. She hammered her fist on his front door.

"Cardan!" she barked. "Cardan you insufferable ass!"

The piano stopped, and before he could get to her she yanked the door handle. It was unlocked, and Jude opened the door to a very surprised Cardan who was himself just reaching for the knob.

"Jude?"

"Yes Jude, hello it’s me your downstairs fucking neighbour who cannot sleep through this racket!"

Cardan just stood and stared at her. Some quiet part of Jude’s mind was sure she looked like a madwoman, but the louder part ignored it and continued the tirade.

"I mean for fuck’s sake Cardan what do you have against sleep?" She flung the words at him. “You keep me up all through the night because you refuse to operate during daylight hours like a normal person, and then the one time I want to sleep in, the one time- Cardan do you know I never ever ever sleep in? And then this one time I think maybe I’ll just relax a little, here you are like you’ve got some kind of personal vendetta against me getting a full eight hours!"

She paused to draw breath, and still Cardan just stood there. It was infuriating.

"Well?" She demanded.

And then Cardan put both his hands around her face, and pulled her mouth to his.

The heat was instant. Jude burned up under it in for a second, then realised what was happening and cut the kiss off.

But Cardan was having none of that. He pulled her right back to him, and Jude did not have enough willpower to break away a second time. The shocking fever of it wiped out all logical thought and the next thing she knew she was folding her arms around his neck. Cardan wrapped his own around her waist, stooping a little to reach her and then pulling her up against his body. He took a step back and Jude let him lead her into his apartment, the door closing softly behind them.

Cardan moved his mouth against hers and when his tongue lashed out she was only too eager to meet it. She scraped her nails against his neck as his hands slid into the tangle of her hair.

Jude took another step forward, and Cardan backed into a lamp. It toppled over noisily, but he didn’t let her stop the kiss. Just moved them to the side, where Jude’s back hit a shelf and two books fell out. Cardan didn‘t seem to care at all. Pushed her further into the wall while his teeth found her bottom lip, and knocked a frame down as his hand hit the plaster behind her.

Jude tugged him closer at the waist, and returned every one of his kisses. She might have kept kissing him all day, he tasted so good, but then in between one breath and the next he whispered her name, and she realised.

She was making out with Cardan.

Jude shoved him away, hard, and stormed out the door without a word.

////

Cardan didn't see Jude for a week after that.

It was strange, they had been in each other's proximity for a long time now and not had a lot to do with each other but now, somehow, he was quite sure she was avoiding him.

He didn't know quite what to feel about that kiss.

In his defence, she had started it. That night of Locke's party- no, before that. The night she started singing him to sleep through the air vents. She had floated into his life through his ears and now her absence chafed like a burr in his shoe. Of course, in the past days there was no singing. Not even when Cardan lay there for an hour, waiting to hear her voice.

Locke had seen her.

In spite of the mess that had been that party, and the morning after, it seemed that Jude had taken on Cardan's advice and agreed to meet with Locke for the play.

And according to Locke, things were going very well. He raved about Jude's voice, which irritated Cardan to no end. He had put his ear to the carpet just to hear her, and now he had to share her with Locke? Prick.

Locke, as always, had an easy time of assembling the rest of his cast. Cardan did not think him a bad writer, but he did suspect the queues for his casting call had more to do with who his father was than with his skills as a playwright.

He had been auditioning for a couple of weeks now, and with Jude in place, he was ready to call his first cast meeting. Cardan, Nicasia and Valerian were expected to attend too- Nicasia and Valerian never missed a chance to be on stage, and Cardan was invited for his "musical ear."

So there they all were, on a Friday evening, in the old theatre Locke's dad let him use. Waiting for the last few people to arrive. When Jude walked through the door she nodded to Locke, but avoided Cardan's gaze.

Fine, he thought. If she didn't want to talk to him, he certainly wasn't going to force her. He thought of the rant she had loosed on him that morning last week, and figured it was probably better this way.

Finally, Locke called them all to attention, and Cardan sat in the back row with Nicasia and Valerian as Locke addressed them all from the stage. Cardan put his feet up on the chair in front of him, and let Nicasia doze on his shoulder while Valerian picked things out of the soles of his boots with a pocket knife.

"So without further ado,' Locke was saying, may I present to you our stunning leading lady, Taryn."

Cardan looked up. The small group were politely clapping as a tall, thin woman stood and nodded at them all. She was all blonde hair and heroin chic, just Locke's type. But what about-

"And of course our vocalist, discovered by yours truly and pulled from the bowels of the subway tunnels, Jude!"

The group applauded mildly again, but Jude did not stand up. Locke continued. "Jude is going to provide the singing voice for Taryn, although I haven't decided whether we're going to pre-record or get her to sing live backstage."

What?

"What?" Jude demanded. The cast went quiet. "You want me to sing for Taryn?"

"Yes, of course," Locke said. "You've got a lovely voice, Jude, but Tarym looks more the part, don't you think?"

"Well you didn't fucking tell me that when I agreed to do this, Locke."

"Jude," Locke held up his hands. "Please stay calm. I'm sorry if you misunderstood."

"If I misunderstood? You lied to me. Why in the hell would I want to stand around behind a curtain so that someone prettier than me can get the credit?"

"Aw come on, Jude. It's not like that. This is a very common practice in show business," Locke insisted.

Now that the drama was amping up, Nicasia and Valerian were suddenly paying attention.

"Yeah come on, Jude," Valerian called down. "It's a compliment, you have a great face for recording!"

"Darling, these are all Juilliard trained performers," Nicasia added. "You didn't actually think you were going to be on stage did you?"

"I didn't ask to be here," Jude said, picking up her bag. "Fuck this, and fuck you guys slowly with a fork."

She strode out the door, right past their row.

"Jude, wait," Cardan said, scrambling out of his seat.

"You stay the hell away from me," Jude hissed, then the door slammed behind her and Nicasia burst into hysterical laughter. Cardan looked back down toward Locke, who was shaking his head tragically.

"This is why you never hire amateurs," he said sadly, and in that moment, Cardan hated them all.

****

Hooo boy okay a lot happened in this chapter! We are in a two week lockdown after a COVID break out so I guess you get lots of writing this weekend. Someone please hug them for meee

JURDAN MASTERLIST

TAGLIST: @asteria-of-mars @swankii-art-teacher @loosingdreams @feysand-loml @cityofbookish @story-scribbler

#jurdan #jurdan fic #tfota #mine

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hopeless-starry-kingdom · 4 years

Text

you broke me first | Peter Parker

Summary: You have to remind Peter it was his fault you were broken up

read part 1 and 2 here !

song: you broke me first by Tate McRae

a/n: happy valentines day!! hope everyone’s day was good and here is the last part of this mini series :))))

Maybe you don't like talking too much about yourself

But you shoulda told me that your were thinking ‘bout someone else

“If you guys are going to make out can you at least do it somewhere else. I’m eating.” MJ put her book back to her eye level as you and Harry pulled away from each other. You blushed and Harry smirked before throwing an arm over your shoulder.

“C’mon, MJ. Don’t be such a cockblock.” You slapped Harry on his arm and he laughed. “If you want I can set you up with one of my friends.”

MJ put her book down and pretended to think about the offer. “A rich daddy’s boy with two functional brain cells, who’s also a fuckboy. I’ll pass” She smiled sarcastically at Harry and he chuckled.

“Have I ever mentioned I like your friends?” You giggled at him and shook your head. MJ flipped him off and you had to bite back your laugh.

“Stop patronizing her.” You tried to be stern but the smirk on Harry’s face paired with MJ lips twitching up didn’t help your case. “Yes madame.”

Or your phones been off for a couple months, so you’re callin’ me now

He leaned down and pressed his lips to yours before turning back to eat his lunch. You smile was big as you stared at him but something caught your attention. From behind him you saw Peter, Gwen, and Ned walking. Gwen had her arm wrapped around Peter’s arm. Ned was talking to Gwen about something and Peter was already staring at you. You gave him a small smile and a head nod before turning back to your small group.

“Hey, did Mr. Harrington ever say when the essay was due?”

“I cant keep going. My brain is fried.” You groaned as you flopped down on MJ’s bed and rested your arms over your eyes to block the light from coming in.

“Yeah, i’m pretty burnt too. You hungry? I can order some pizza.”

“Please?” You begged and sat up as MJ was looking for the number on her phone your phone buzzed with a message. It was Harry.

Can you come over tomorrow? I wanna spend time with you <3

You bit your lip go hide to hide the smile that was threatening to come through. Harry was always so sweet with you. He had a cocky front that he showed everyone else, sometimes with you as well. But you knew deep down he was a teddy bear. Texts like this showed that. And even though Harry explained to you that his father never showed him love, and continues not to, he doesn’t see a reason not to show love.

But I ran out of every reason

“Hey, can you please stop sexting Harry? I’m trying to hang out with you.” A pillow collided with your face and you gasped.

“MJ! I’m not sexting Harry. He wants to know if I can hang out tomorrow. It’s sweet.” You quickly responded back to his text and told him you could.

“You two are disgustingly cute. It makes me sick. And tell him to stop hogging you, I feel like he’s always with you. Does he not know he has to share?” You threw your head back and laughed at her.

“So now i’m an object of sharing? Nice to know.” You laughed and soon MJ was joining in with you.

Took a while, I was in denial when I first heard

That you moved on quicker than I coulda ever, you know that hurt

“I’m happy for you, Y/N. I know the whole thing with Peter had you in a funk..” You looked down at your hands and nodded. You still thought about Peter often. Soley because you had him in some of your classes and you constantly saw him around school. But you never thought of him like you used to. You stopped loving the way his smile reached his eyes and lit up the whole room. You stopped loving his curls. You stopped loving his unconditional kindness.

It was over now, officially. You weren’t hurting anymore and it felt so amazing to say it. The storm had passed and had taken Peter Parker with it. You were happy now with Harry. So extremely happy. You didn’t actually think it was possible but after giving the relationship a chance, you couldn’t believe how happy you were with Harry.

You never wanted to depend your happiness on soley being in a relationship. You were better than that. But you were finding you were happy by yourself and with Harry. It was the best middle ground. You thought you had to depend on Peter or a relationship to be content. And it definitely wasn’t true.

“I’m just glad that it’s all over with. And Peter was an asshole to you.” You both laughed at her statement.

“Yeah, i’m glad it’s over too.” She smiled at you before tapping a button on her phone.

“Hi, I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

Swear, for awhile, I would stare at my phone just to see your name

Gwen Stacy gasped as she read the note that fell out of her locker. It was the fourth one this week. And she couldn’t count how many she got over all. Apparently she was a dirty two-faced snake. She preached girl supporting girls but to everyone else she stole someone’s boyfriend which didn’t exactly sit right with the girls of the school. Gwen didn’t mean for it to happen and she tried explaining it to some of the girls in her art class but they just rolled their eyes at her.

“Another one? Let me see.” Peter grabbed the note and read over it before tearing to to shreds.

“Yes, another one Peter. In fact the fourth one this week. And maybe if i’m lucky i’ll get one tomorrow and see what else the girls have to say about me in the girls restroom. I can’t keep doing this Peter.” Gwen slammed her locker and held her head in her hands.

“Ok, well i’ll go talk to Mr. Harrington. Or even the principal. I’ll tell them that it’s been getting out of hand and—”

“No, Peter. That’s not what I mean. I mean I can’t do this. Us.” Gwen crossed her arms over her chest and refused to look at Peter because she knew if she did she’d melt.

“W-what? Gwen, what do mean?”

“Peter I cant keep living like this! People hate me all because you broke Y/N’s heart. And I can’t blame them either becuase you left her for me, you broke the poor girl. I’d hate me too.”

“They’ll get over it! It’s none of their buisness.” He reached over and tried to grab the girls hands but she instantly pulled away.

“Peter, I really like you. I do. But with college applications coming up and school’s scouting, I can’t risk letting this affect me getting into NYU. I don’t have the time for petty school drama.”

“Gwen, cmon. Please, I really like you too. I can figure something out.” He pleaded. He couldn’t let Gwen go, not after everything that happened with you.

“I’m sorry, Pete. I really am.” She leaned up and kissed his cheek before smiling sadly at him. She turned with her books in her hand and walked away.

Peter groaned and kicked the locker next to him. It created a dent and some people began to whisper and point. He sighed before walking to his first class.

‘Did you hear what happened????’

You furrowed yourself brows at MJ’s text. You quickly looked up and seen your teacher pointing to the board and explaining today’s lesson. You placed your phone in your lap as you typed back a response.

‘Hear what? Did Flash trip and fall into the trash again?’

You looked up again and pretended to take notes and waited for her to text back. Once you felt your phone buzz your eyes nearly bulged out of your head

‘No! Though that would make my day— Gwen broke up with Peter! Some junior over heard it from their locker and started to spread it. That’ll show him!’

You gulped as you put your phone away and stared ahead. Peter no longer had Gwen. Peter no longer had the girl he left you for. She ended it with him. You had a mix of emotions. For one you wanted to rub your relationship in his face. He left you for someone and now they broke up with him.

You couldn’t believe how much it back fired on him. You wanted to laugh in his face and call him a huge idiot. You wouldn’t ever dare think of leaving him. He got his karma.

But you also felt a little sad for him. Gwen broke up with him. You couldn’t imagine how upset and sad he was feeling. But you couldn’t shake the feeling of it being his fault. Becuase maybe it was.

The rest of the week was filled with gossip about Peter being dumped by Gwen. The girls said he deserved it but also thought it didn’t excuse Gwen either. She noticed she still got stared in the hall but the whispers stopped and so did the writing in the restroom. It was a start.

They scoffed at Peter and made sure to give him a dirty look. Peter wasn’t feeling too good either. He couldn’t belive he lost you and Gwen. Ned tried to reasure him that it wasn’t meant to be. All Peter did was smile and nod. And then he saw you smiling and laughing with Harry. Living your best life and he felt jealous and angry. Jealous and angry that you were happy without him. And jealous and angry that Harry was the one to kiss you and give you hugs from behind.

That should be me.

He hated himself for thinking that. He broke up with you. He left you. So why was he thinking about you like he had in the past? It dawned on him for the next few days that letting you go was a mistake. He didn’t actually like Gwen, he liked the idea of her. The popular, girl next door version of Gwen Stacy is what he liked. Sure, Gwen was funny and nice and smart but so were you. And much more in his opinion.

He was an idiot who let you go because he liked the idea of someone. He chose that over loving you.

“The blood drive took way longer than I thought.” You pressed your phone against your ear with your shoulder as you began to enter your locker combination.

“Well saving lives isn’t a two second process miss Y/L/N.” You rolled your eyes at Harry being sarcastic.

“I can’t believe your missing school to attend one of your dads meeting in the Upper East Side.” Harry chuckled and shrugged.

“What can I say? I’m a buisness man too.” Harry’s father glared at him as they walked in the halls of the conference room. He knew that was his way of telling Harry to get off the phone.

“Hey, babe. I have to go, the meetings starting soon. I’ll see you tomorrow. Stay safe.”

“Bye, Harry. See you.” You smiled as you hung up the phone and pocketed your phone. You were excused for two of your class periods and now had to be at your next one as the bell rang. You quickly grabbed the books you needed and slammed the locker shut. You gasped in surprise when you seen who was behind the locker.

“Peter? Um, what are you doing?” You looked around anxiously to see if any other students noticed you and the curly haired boy standing within a few feet of each other. They had.

“H-how are you?”

“I’m good? Do you need something? I have physics next and—”

“Your teacher will kill you if you’re late.” He chuckled as he nervously twiddled his fingers. You didn’t laugh though. “How-How’s being able to drive now? I bet it feels like you have a ton of freedom.”

“Peter, i’m sorry if this sounds rude but what do you want? You’ve made it pretty clear these past few months you don’t want anything to do with me. So what do you need? Is this about you being you-know-who?” You whispered the last part to make sure no one heard. “I promise I won’t tell Harry or anyone else.”

“No! It’s not that it’s... Okay I know this might sound so crazy and insane but please, just hear me out.” He had his puppy dog eyes on and you couldn’t ever resist them. What was a few minutes?

“You have like two minutes before I have to go.” You glanced at your phone for the time.

“Okay, sweet. First off I want to say how sorry I am for the way I treated you, Y/N. It was so shitty and I just tossed you to the side. I will never be able to forgive myself for that but I was hoping... maybe you can?”

You smiled at the boy once you realized what he was doing. He was giving you a formal apology. Though it was long over due you knew you couldn’t hold a grudge against him. You just weren’t that person. And you were finally over Peter. It was all working out.

“Of course, I can forgive you, Peter. Thank you for apologizing. It does mean a lot. Well i’ll see you around?” Peter’s brows furrowed before quickly shaking his head.

“Wait that’s not all.” Your looked at him quizzically and urged him to continue. “I was wondering I-if you’d like to give us, me and you, another try. At dating, of course.” He smiled at you and suddenly you were no longer smiling. You took a step back as you stared at him in disbelief.

How dare he? How dare he break your heart and then come running back to you the moment Gwen breaks up with him. You were his second choice and that hurt. And to top it off, you were with Harry, happily.

“How dare you, Peter Parker?” Peter gulped as he recognized the anger and disappointment in your tone.

“Becuase shit isn’t going your way, you think this is okay?” You voice was now raised and now suddenly everyone in the hall turned to face you two.

“Y/N, please. Just let me explain—”

“Now suddenly you’re asking for me back? Could you tell me where’d you get the nerve?” You spit and Peter didn’t think he’d ever seen you so mad.

“I made a huge mistake. I miss you. I miss us.” He tried pleading but you scoffed

“You can say you miss all that we had but I don’t really care how bad you’re hurting, Peter. Not when you broke me first.”

There were tears in your eyes and your heart was heavy. How could he do this to you? You were over him now and then he comes and pull this stunt. You were also very angry.

“Y/N, please. I—”

“I don’t want to heart it, Parker! Leave me alone! I mean it, Peter. Don’t talk to me anymore, don’t look at me in the halls or in our classes. Don’t even think about me. It’s over Peter. Find your dignity while you’re at it.” You spat and purposely pushed his shoulder roughly with yours.

You tried to ignore the whispers as you started to speed walk to the nearest restroom, your class long forgotten.

You tried to hold in your sob as your thoughts began to eat you alive. But you couldn’t hold back as it pried its way to the surface. You didn’t care about if the floor was dirty as you slid down to hug your knees. All you could think was screw Peter Parker. This wasn’t the Peter you knew. Peter would never publicly humiliate you and turn you into a joke. But he did.

What did you think would happen?

I’ll never let you have it

What did you think would happen?

You had to remind yourself that he in fact did do those things. You were a game to Peter, it seemed. His second choice. And it hurt, you hate to admit that it hurt.

“Y/N.” MJ walked into the bathroom and sighed when she saw you on the floor.

“I-Is the whole sch-school talking ab-about me?” You hiccuped and she placed a hand on your knee and gently rubbed her hand back and forth.

“The only thing they’re saying is how Peter’s a jackass and you don’t deserve that.” You sighed and nodded and tried to brush your tears away.

“I just can’t believe he would d-do this to me. It’s like i’m a jo-joke.” You sniffled and MJ scoffed. “He’s such a dick. Once I get my hands on him—”

“No, MJ. It’s fine. I gave him a piece of my mind already.” You smiled weakly at her and she helped you off the floor. She shook her head with a scowl and then snorted.

“What?”

“Once Harry hears about his little stunt, Peter is done for.”

Your eyes widened as you thought about Harry. He tolerated Peter because of you and once he hears what happened, you have a good idea what he’d do.

“My god, I have to call him. But he’s in a stupid high class professional meeting.” You whipped out your phone and went to his contact. You couldn’t call him but you thought a text should be enough until you see him later.

‘Don’t freak out...Peter asked me out again

BUT!!!! I obviously said no and handled to situation!

So when you come to school tomorrow and hear about the drama pls don’t pummel Peters face in ??? <3’

“Hm. That should hold him off. Let’s skip class and go watch the cheerleaders fall from their pyramid.” You tried to keep a straight face but ended up laughing.

“Yeah, i’m down for that.” MJ smiled at you and started to walk out of the bathroom.

You sighed and thought about if Peter was hurting right now. But then you shook your head.

But I don’t really care how bad it hurts

When you broke me first

He broke you first and now he had to deal with the aftermath, not you.

#peter parker #spiderman #peter parker blurb #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine #peter parker x you #harry osborn #spiderman far from home #spider man: homecoming

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ga-yuu · 4 years

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My opinions on Ikemen Prince Characters...

Leon

He’s okay. Nothing so much special. Just a milder version of Masamune and more energetic Napoleon. Other than that I don’t find him that much special. Also his route is okay. The ending made me scratch my head a little. That’s all I can say about him.

Yves

Yves is cute. I love how he’s always unlucky. He’s the tsundere character and although I have seen a lot of those type, I still can’t get enough. I think I’m the only one who thinks this way but Yves reminds of Barbie dolls. His blue eyes and blonde hair makes him look like a barbie doll not a prince. Also his room is pink and elegant. Also I love how he always changes from a tsundere to a doting brother when he talks about Licht. He has the most beautiful smile according to me.

Licht

Licht for me is like a robot. When heard Licht’s voice, he sounded like a robot. Also his clothes looks like its made of steel. Like the buttons on his jacket looks like screws for some odd reason. So Licht is the depressed guy of this game. I haven’t played his route because for some reason nothing was encouraging me to play his route. But other than that I like Licht little more than Nokto.

Nokto

The fox of this game. But I’ll be honest, I love Mitsuhide and Tamamo more than this guy if I had to compare fox characters. Nokto is the flirt and polar opposite of his brother. I love Nokto’s voice actor though and that’s the only thing I love about this character. I only played halfway through his route and stopped playing for some reason. I have no idea why I leave the routes halfway, maybe because I find it boring or maybe because I’m not interested on going further because I don’t feel any kind of emotions at all.

Jin

Jin Jin Jin....where do I even start with this one. I’m a person who is obsessed with older men so taking that in mind, I should be liking this character. But that’s not the case. I FREAKING HATE Jin very much. I feel like he’s a showoff. Whenever I see him, I always cringe. He’s like ikesen Shingen’s clone for some reason. But Shingen is funny and always compliments Mai-chan which is also funny. When he says those generic pick up lines I kind of chuckle because they don’t work on Mai-chan because she is from the 21st century. Jin is just AAGHH!! This happens when he talks about boobs and stuff. It just kills my mood when I eagerly progress through the story and suddenly out of nowhere this guy shows up. Also, why doesn’t he button up his shirt? I know it is obviously for fanservice and that’s another reason why I don’t like him. I know he is also the big brother and all, but I don’t want a big brother who talks about boobs and walking shirtless around desperately to look like a daddy. Rather I would like to have a brother who is matured and occasionally spoil me. This makes me think, what makes a man ‘daddy’?

Chevalier

Chevalier, according to me is somewhat of the normal and much more relatable character. I love him because of how intelligent and practical he is. He doesn’t care about how people see him and always works for his country to make it a better place. Cheva’s route was the first one I’ve played till the end, and it was not that bad because he and Clavis was the only thing best about the route. I love how he calls everyone nicknames and also his obsession with romantic novels. I sometimes wonder if I give him novels like Twilight and 50 shades of grey, will he read them too? Also if he is present in this era, will he be watching romantic k-dramas? Who knows? Maybe he will.

Cheva also has the best chemistry with Clavis than any other characters (including Emma), where Clavis is always teasing him and Cheva is like “......”. Cheva is much more better daddy than Jin.

Clavis

I FREAKING LOVE HIM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!! According to me, he’s the best thing about this entire game. I’m just waiting for this guy to come home so can slowly take my time and enjoy his story to the fullest. If someone asks me the reason for my liking this guy, I would say ‘IDK.’ Seriously, I have no idea why I like this guy so much and I have also seen other players liking him so much. I only re-installed this game for playing this guy’s route. So cybird, I won’t be telling you to release his route quickly. I want the writers to take their time and come up with a better storyline for him. Don’t ruin him please!!! Because the recent routes were not that great for me. So take your time, and write a good story. I’ll wait as much as you want only for this guy.

Luke

Luke is my 3rd favorite character after Clavis and Cheva, because I think he’s a very good person. He’s the right person to talk to when you’re feeling down. Also his obsession with honey. Hehe....I love that about him. He’s quite unique. I don’t know much about him about he’s the kind of character that I won’t hate no matter what. Such a calming personality.

Sariel

Okay. So is it just me or almost all the male character with glasses in otome games are portrayed as a sadistic devil who likes to punish MC by whipping her ass. Because of how much otome games I have seen and played, these type of characters always has a whip in their hands. Well there are exceptions like Sasuke in ikesen. So since its so common, when I saw Sariel for the first time, I expected him to be the same and I was not wrong. So, I just don’t find anything interesting about him. Just another glasses character to fill the sadistic slot in the game.

Rio

This man is soooooooooooo annoying sometimes. Other times he’s okay. I know he’s Emma friend and always follows her like a little puppy wanting for affection but he’s just so annoying when he starts to talk good things about Emma. He just never shuts up. No matter how many times he is friend-zoned by Emma he never gives up. I feel bad, at the same time annoyed. Whenever he starts praising Emma, I’ll be having the same expression as Sariel and tells him to shut up. That’s all.

Bonus:

Emma (MC)

This list is not complete without Emma of course. Emma is like a boring version of MC from ikevamp. She is portrayed as this kind and innocent young lady with the most purest heart in the entire town. But for me, she is this dumb woman who lives in her own fairytale world and once she started learning the reality, she’s all scared. Sometime she’s bearable but other time she’s just boring. I love brave MCs who fights her fears and stands up on her own, rather than a dull one, who is just there for the sake of romance and fanservice. Seriously she makes some of the routes even more boring to play. Good things about her is just that she’s kind person and that’s all. I wish I could say she is fierce but sadly she’s not. If I get to play very badass MC or MCs who have much more than being kind like a tsundere MC, won’t mind the story even if it’s too blunt. Playing like that would make me happy than being called dumb or stupid by male characters.

#ikemen series #ikemen prince #ikemen prince leon #ikemen prince chevalier #ikemen prince clavis #ikemen prince jin #ikemen prince nokto #ikemen prince licht #ikemen prince yves #ikemen prince luke #ikemen prince sariel #ikemen prince rio #ikemen mc #cybird otome #ikemen games

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captainsspnanon · 3 years

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I just realized that this is my own tumblr and I can type up random reaction posts if I want. AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME.

I will tag these “CR C2 Rewatch” if you want to blacklist though.

SADLY I DIDN’T HAVE THIS REALIZATION UNTIL PARTWAY THROUGH EPISODE FIVE. ‘cause I am dumb.

THOUGHTS.

Sliding back into C2 felt SO GOOD. I MISSED THESE GUYS SO MUCH. I genuinely would want to run a poll, because it seems to be that people who watched C1 first think C1 is their favorite, while people who watch C2 first thing C2 is their favorite.

I totally forgot we heard Fjord’s real accent in episode five! But in episode four, Jester references that it’s not his real voice! SO MUCH SO EARLY AND WE NEVER KNEW!!!

Caleb seems oddly happy in these, ngl. Wonder if I’ve just forgotten much of his happier excited moments, because I know that he has them throughout the campaign, but it’s much easier to remember the drama. I love these adorable moments!

Seriously, I love the Nott&Caleb combo. It just works so so so well. ALL THE HEARTS. And with the knowledge now, I can definitely see the more mothering side of the relationship. I do miss how it really did feel almost like she was Caleb’s daughter at times though, just a cute protectiveness. ...which is a bit weird, because I do like the concept that Nott was secretly in love with Caleb for a bit. LOOK I LIKE THESE THOUGHTS IN DIFFERENT CONTEXTS, NOT OVERLAPPING.

(also glad the accent only lasted three episodes. ilu sam but I hated early Nott accent)

Going back but lolling forever at the talks with Marisha where they talk about the Beauyasha ship (like, the second talks I think?) and they’re like THEY’LL TOTALLY BE MARRIED AT THE END completely joking but GUESS WHAT IT’S TRUE

Molly’s not bothering me that much right now! I don’t remember when I started disliking him, so it’ll be interesting to see if he’s not going to bother me as much this rewatch or not. I wouldn’t mind growing to like him, or at least be neutral towards him. We shall see! I don’t think I started out hating him though.

Definitely loving Fjord a lot on the rewatch, I genuinely forgot how friggen responsible he seemed until Cad came around! ALSO THE ACCENT. I remember during my first watch midway through I read a youtube comment of someone rewatching and talking about how they forgot Fjord had the Texan accent and I was all ‘wtf how can you forget something like that’ and then of course by the end I forgot it as well. XD

So many rolled nines!! Oh, I can’t wait! They’re in Alfield now, which means group name within this batch of episodes! Also holy shit I can’t believe I forgot that they didn’t immediately go to Zadash. ALSO IT’S ZADAHSH. Matt pronounced it with a softer ah sound! And then they all said Zadash with the ash sound and it became Zadash by fifth episode. SO WEIRD.

SAM SAID THIS IS THE FIRST TIME HE HAD MAGIC. Okay, THIS is super a joke that I missed having not seen C1 first. YOU FUCKING TROLL never used magic my ass

Interesting how Sam really took Liam’s lead with the spells though and began to be very descriptive as well. A very nice touch for Caleb teaching Nott, now even more contrasted with how Scanlan cast.

Not a fan of Molly’s Vicious Mockery, but I think it’s just a combination of I don’t like the voice and it’s nasty violent comments. Iunno, “Vicious Mockery” always to me sounded like it should be more jeering/joking than just violent threats. Very personal opinion though, wouldn’t be surprised if everyone in the world disagreed.

SPIRITUAL LOLLIPOP!!! As much as I love Pike, I REALLY love that Jester’s weapon remained a consistent form, versus Pike changing the form almost every time she cast it.

DEFLECT MISSILES!!! I fucking love Beau so much! She didn’t really do this much during the campaign, but I’m trying to remember if she really has the -opportunity- to do it much. I don’t remember if they got attacked by things like arrows and such a lot? I know she could (and forgot) to catch the bullet when Nott shot her in the ass, but it was such a great scene I’m glad she didn’t. XD

REGULAR GNOLL REGULAR GNOLL

Kinda sad that the NEIN running joke ended up dying out among the cast pretty quickly, it was fun while it lasted! At least we still have makin mah way and uk’otoa. *keeps watching* oh man, they really DO roll nine an absurd amount of times this episode. It just keeps happening!

Oh, I love scared!Caleb and thrifty!Caleb. Still my favorite, by far.

Divvying up the gold. You know, in hindsight, it makes complete sense that Vox Machina had a party fund, whereas the Nein always split their earnings. Even though both groups became family, it was such a different dynamic in so many different ways. I can’t really imagine the Nein doing a party fund.

Aaaand Molly “quietly has a nervous breakdown”. Yeaaahhh, sorry Tal. You need to stop SAYING your PC is doing something, and actually SHOW it. I had this issue with Percy and Cad as well as Molly, so it’s not a character choice. It’d be fine if it were once in a while, but it’s the majority of the time, and that’s what loses me.

Oh, I so miss how they would end the episode with a few seconds of silent video of the full table view. I hope they do that again for C3.

#critical role #the mighty nein #cr c2 rewatch #c2 spoilers

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florrickandassociates · 3 years

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TGF Thoughts: 5x04- And the clerk had a firm...

You can tell I’m enjoying this season when episodes air on Thursdays and I’ve written a recap by Friday night. More under the cut, as always.

I woke up very early on Thursday morning and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I decided to just watch this episode on my phone (I write these on rewatch). I’m sure the show was hoping that the upside-down clips of fake!Love Island would be disorienting, but wow, did this work on me. Between the lack of sleep and how plausible it would’ve been for me to accidentally have my phone upside-down with rotation lock on... I truly thought it was an ad for Love Island and also had to pause the episode to check my phone settings. Good job, show!

It turns out, however, that Carmen is doing a headstand and watching reality TV on her laptop. Very happy to see Carmen at home. It would be easy for the show to have her just be a mysterious presence at the firm, so even seeing her do perfectly normal things is a good reminder that she is a whole person and not just Associate Who Will Defend Anyone.

(I wouldn’t have expected Carmen to enjoy reality tv, but then again, I love Big Brother so...)

Carmen lives in a studio that doesn’t look like it is brand new!!! I’m ridiculously excited to see an apartment that actually looks like a place someone fresh out of law school might live. I’d believe it if Carmen lived in a studio in a luxury building or a one-bed on the salary she’s surely making at RL, but it’s very refreshing to see a character who isn’t super-wealthy on this show that tends to be about, well, very wealthy people.

Carmen is smarter than every other character on this show and on most TV shows: instead of opening the door without taking any precautions, she puts the chain on first. Remember how people used to just show up at Alicia’s door when she was the governor’s wife, and she’d always just open the door and look surprised?

Charles Lester is at Carmen’s door even though it’s nearly midnight. She tries to get him to leave, but he insists on staying. She closes the door to undo the chain, and uses the privacy of the closed door to grab a makeshift weapon, just in case.

Carmen explains her apartment by saying, “student loans.” So she doesn’t come from (excessive) money. (Or she was cut off by her family, but I feel like the early character description of Carmen said something about her family not having money.)

Lester has something very important to tell Carmen, but all his notes are on different scraps of paper and, even though he says his information is time sensitive, he takes his time looking for the right piece of paper.

He says Carmen can’t say she heard the info from him, blah blah. He’s there to share that in ten minutes, someone at the firm is going to be searched by the FBI. This info comes, of course, from Rivi.

Do we think Lester has to reference his notes to remember that the FBI is searching a name partner of Carmen’s firm? Or do we think he’s fucking with her? I think the latter.

Carmen was doing exercises to help with migraines, btw.

Carmen calls Diane to tip her off. Diane and Kurt are already asleep, but luckily, Diane has her phone on full volume and takes the call. She’s not happy about it and asks if it can wait until tomorrow. Asks is the wrong word—she instructs the caller to hang up if it can wait.

Even though Carmen can’t say where she got the information, Diane knows it must be from Rivi. Seems obvious enough.

Kurt gets out of bed and starts locking up guns and getting to work; Diane calls Liz. Liz is in bed with a guy we’ve never seen before and she does not really want to talk.

Liz notes that the info also could’ve come from Wolfe-Coleman, since Carmen is “tangled up with some rough characters.”

I’m sorry, fake Netflix CEO man... WHY ARE YOU STILL TRYING TO KISS AND PLAY WITH LIZ WHEN SHE IS ON THE PHONE TALKING ABOUT PURGING FILES AND THE FBI????

I don’t even hold this against the character. This is one of those things the writers of this show LOVE doing to heighten tension. They think people behave like this in real life and that it’s funny to have a million competing priorities at once, so they insist on doing things like this. In reality, I would be concerned about any person who did not hear “FBI” and go, “um, what the hell is happening? I should stop trying to fuck rn.”

Kurt starts burning papers. Is no one going to point out that maybe being on the phone (after you KNOW you’ve had NSA issues) talking about tips from powerful criminals and asking questions that are pretty clearly about document destruction... is a bad strategy?

Dude, why are you STILL GOING after Liz clearly tells you to stop!? Do you want me to hate you?!

Liz adds Jay to the call. He is asleep and also his hallucination from the premiere is (sadly) back. I still don’t get what they’re going for with this, so I’ll just be happy that (1) there is only one hallucination this time and (2) it’s only on screen for a minute.

This dude is really chanting “Let me see ‘em!” at Liz while she is on a frantic work call! This is how we are introduced to him! This is not funny! If this weren’t being played for laughs/to raise the stakes by having a lot going on I would be calling this man misogynistic!

Liz remembers that Diane has full boxes of files! They spill onto the floor as she tries to hide them! Drama!

And then the FBI arrives, so Diane asks Liz to take her 9 am with Wackner

The FBI enters, accompanied by... Nancy Crozier! Nancy is now an AUSA for some reason!

Nancy has graduated from “just a girl from Michigan” to using her pregnancy for dramatic effect. I guess she’s aged into being Patti Nyholm, or something. (I would LOVE to see Patti Nyholm show up on TGF.)

I know the client files are top of mind for Diane, but isn’t it kind of obvious that the FBI would be there about Kurt, given that the FBI was talking to Kurt days earlier?

9 mins in is early for credits!! (This first act flies, too—did not feel like 9 minutes.)

I say this once an episode, but isn’t it so fun to see all the characters from season one of TGW pop up in season five of TGF?

Liz sees her new man, Del Cooper, in reception. He’s a client. They try to be professional with each other. Liz remembers Diane’s 9 am with Wackner and asks the receptionist to tell her when he arrives. She dismissively says it’s “Some judge guy.” Wackner is, of course, already there and watching the interaction with interest. He uses this as an opportunity to “look for the restroom,” observe Liz meeting with someone else, and walk down to the associate floor.

He asks associate Leah (we’ve definitely seen her several times before) where he’s supposed to go for the staff meeting. She asks if he means the partner meeting or the associate one—he wants whichever is more interesting. She says she only knows about the associate meeting, and so he tags along.

Leah and Lucy (the associate from last week; Michael Boatman’s daughter) talk and assume that Wackner is from STR Laurie and thus in charge of the fate of their careers.

The associate meeting is fairly small—Leah refers to it as their “daily” so I wonder if it’s more like a team meeting than a meeting of all the associates.

The COTW is about a comedian who isn’t always PC. FakeNetflix is getting a lot of Twitter pushback.

“Ah, so you’re worried about being cancelled,” Liz notes. “Don’t say the ‘C’ word,” Del jokes. Then he asks the firm to do a sensitivity read of the comedian’s act.

Liz asks why them. David doesn’t get why she’s asking, though obviously Liz knows he won’t be offended by her question since they have a relationship outside of work. Del thinks that RL is the right firm for this task because they are a black firm, and also because this can be an audition for the rest of their legal business.

This seems like it is better for a PR firm or image consultant? Not a law firm? But sure.

Diane explains the whole January 6th situation to Liz. Liz immediately understands that if Kurt is in trouble, Diane is the one representing him. Because Kurt is Kurt, I’m willing to accept the “spouses-representing-each-other" trope here. But let the record reflect that, as always on this show, it is a TERRIBLE idea to have your spouse represent you! Just pick someone outside of the firm! JUST PICK ELSBETH, KURT.

Diane asks how her 9 am went; David Lee interrupts to ask Liz why she is being so casual with Del. “David, I am on the phone,” Liz responds. I love that she doesn’t really answer him.

Leah and Lucy try to turn the associate meeting into a showcase of how great they are; the other associates catch on quickly and all are happy to answer Wackner’s questions. He wants to understand jury trials.

Nancy’s pregnancy act does not work on Judge Farley, yet she keeps it up anyway. Court doesn’t go well for Diane, but it also doesn’t go well for Nancy.

Some of these interactions remind me a little too much of Peter’s trial at the end of TGW, like this one where Nancy goes to Diane with information about Kurt.

Leah gets off the elevator as Diane and Nancy talk, and to Diane’s surprise, Wackner is shadowing Leah! She takes a moment to look surprised before we return to the scene with Nancy.

I like all the little interactions within this Wackner plot. Diane asking Liz to meet with Wackner both connects Wackner to Liz AND shows that Diane would turn to Liz for back-up, and having Wackner/Leah run into Diane in court is a good reminder that even though Diane is dealing with a pressing issue, Wackner hasn’t just disappeared.

Diane encourages Kurt to talk. She wants to know if he’s not telling her something because she’s his wife or because she’s his lawyer. This is maybe why you don’t hire your wife as your lawyer.

Kurt says it’s because of politics—Diane doesn’t like that, since this is one issue where their politics should be shared.

“Diane, this works between us because we don’t let our political judgements overwhelm our respect for each other,” Kurt explains. But... is that relevant to this particular issue?

Diane asks the same question, essentially, noting that January 6th changed “everything” for her and she can’t treat this like a “chess game” anymore. Kurt wants to know what she’s calling a chess game. She says their marriage is the one thing that’s not a game.

On one level I understand exactly what Diane is saying and on another level I have no clue what this dialogue actually means. She can’t treat things like a game anymore, but also their marriage is the only thing that isn’t a game? So does that mean she can treat everything else like a game, then? I think what she’s trying to say is that the time for seeing political disagreements as a calm and rational game of strategy is over, and that she values her marriage and won’t play around with it.

Kurt tells her what he burned—a list of people in his little group. He says he’d protect them just like he’d protect Diane’s book group friends. Oh, wow, I was not EVER expecting to hear about that arc again! This is a pretty perfect time to mention it, though, since Kurt DID protect book group for the exact same reason he’s protecting the members of his club.

Other than “winning over a new client is important,” I have no idea why Liz and David Lee would gather together a group of partners to do the sensitivity read. I don’t know who IS the appropriate person to do the sensitivity read, given that this is a law firm, but I know this is a bad call.

Oh, they are going to go through line by line dissecting each joke in a group. They get through one joke before Madeline notes that the comedian is “objectifying black men.” A black male partner says he doesn’t mind. Madeline says that doesn’t matter because the joke is racially insensitive.

Overlapping chatter ensues, and the partners try to make changes to the comedian’s jokes, like substituting Norwegian for Nigerian. This... is not what law firms do. The joke isn’t funny with the substitution, but it also wasn’t funny before. It was low hanging fruit and the correct answer is to just cut it entirely. (Also, if you’re a comedian and all your jokes are about common stereotypes of groups to which you do not belong, you are probably not a very funny comedian!)

Diane has Jay do some more investigating. Jay looks up when Diane says, “ringleader of the insurrectionists,” and Diane is just like, “I know.” Then Carmen walks in.

Diane congratulates Carmen on “hitting the ground running” and then asks again how she knew about the warrant. Diane says she’s covered by the same attorney-client privilege, so Carmen should be able to share. Carmen notes the warrant was actually about Kurt, which does not answer Diane’s question. “So this came from Rivi?” Diane asks. Carmen says she can’t confirm.

“Carmen. You have been here three weeks. You have two clients: Wolfe-Coleman and Oscar Rivi. It’s one or the other!” Diane notes. Yep. I love that they didn’t forget that this isn’t much of a mystery. It’s more about principle than anything. If Diane knows it’s one of two sources and needs more information, I’m sure Jay can figure it out.

Carmen knows she’s stuck, so she asks if she can make a phone call. “I think that would be smart,” Diane says.

I’ve noticed that Liz and Diane are both being quite firm with others this season—and I like it. They're spending more time with lower-level characters, and both Diane and Liz have reasons to be more curt this year. Diane is under a lot of stress and it’s showing in all of her interactions; Liz is making a point of seeming in control to establish herself as the leader of the firm.

Then Marissa walks in. “What is going on with your crazy court judge?” Diane asks. “My?” Marissa asks. “Marissa, I am in no mood for defensiveness,” Diane insists. She mentions Wackner missing his meeting and shadowing Leah. That’s news to Marissa.

Marissa heads to Wackner’s court to figure out what’s going on.

Wackner is now experimenting with juries. This is interesting to me—I'd wondered before how smart it was to just have Wackner make all the rulings, so exploring the idea of having a jury shows he’s thinking about that, too. Also, it’s another sign that Wackner wants his court to have many of the same structures as a real courtroom. There are still judges, juries, witnesses, trials—he's starting something new, but it feels more like he’s testing out improvements for an imperfect system. I wonder if his end goal would be to set up separate courts, or if he’s more interested in shaping laws/reforming the system? Surely Wackner has ambitions of scaling up whatever conclusions he comes to. So what are they?

The reason for the juries is that the associates told him that juries are racially biased, so he’s trying to correct it. He also explains how he ended up shadowing Leah, and advises Marissa to go exploring whenever she’s kept waiting. (I have a feeling Marissa doesn’t need to be told this, but then, that’s why she’s Wackner’s “muse.”)

Marissa notes that Wackner’s court is looking nicer—there must be money coming in from somewhere new. Wackner confirms there’s been a sympathetic donor.

Wackner is dealing with a case about NFT fraud. Marissa says she doesn’t know what that is. I’m going to assume that Marissa is using Wackner’s strategies against him (she had just accused him of playing dumb to get others to talk) because I cannot believe that Marissa, who always knows random facts, ESPECIALLY ones that involve weird corners of the internet, would not know what an NFT is.

Marissa hears the case is about $4 million, and she’s shocked because this raises the stakes a little more than even she is comfortable with. Wackner has a signed and notarized document saying that both sides will honor the verdict. It is, as Marissa points out, notarized in 9 ¾ court by Wackner about a fictional case. “About a fictional crime,” Wackner adds on.

I’m a little surprised this is all these writers had to say about NFTs! Maybe they knew that by the time this aired, the actual topic would feel dated.

Mandy Patinkin is just SO GOOD as Wackner! I’m watching a fictional show about a fictional crime in a fictional court and even I am starting to believe in his ludicrous court!

Wackner’s jury selection process involves catching potential jurors in traps, like pretending to know the national anthem when they don’t. Smart. Probably super problematic if you think about it too hard and put it in the wrong people’s hands and people start to know the system. But smart, for now.

Diane is now in the sensitivity read meeting, for reasons passing understanding. They are still talking about the first joke. Jay calls Liz out of the meeting and notes that everyone in the room is old and no one is funny. “I’m funny!” Liz argues. Diane tries to leave the meeting, and Liz tells Diane Jay’s idea about needing younger people. “Oh god yes,” Diane agrees. I’m glad she sees it and a little alarmed that Liz doesn’t! I feel like they should’ve sent the tape to everyone interested in participating, then asked them to write up (separately) anything they found questionable or offensive, and gone from there, ending with a close review of anything that wasn’t previously flagged. If you debate every single line for hours you’re going to get nowhere.

I don’t know why Liz is so concerned that Jay thinks she’s not funny? But she is.

Diane asks Liz to join her meeting with Carmen and Lester. This is a scene I’ve been waiting for! Diane and Liz are both there and so the scene FEELS important. The plot advances. And, most importantly, they address why Carmen is staying at RL!

Lester reiterates that Carmen is super important to Rivi, so if Carmen says she can’t share info, then she can’t share info. Liz and Diane do not accept this. “I am a name partner. Carmen is a first-year associate,” Liz says. “Now, Carmen is free to resign and hang her shingle wherever she’d like. She can even go and work for you. That is up to her. But while she is here, she is subject to the rules and the mentoring of this firm.”

Lester tries to take Carmen out of the meeting. Liz and Diane won’t let him: They need to know if Carmen is staying with the firm, now.

“You have a lot to learn, Carmen. And you can only do that here,” Diane pitches. I don’t think that’s exactly true, but it’s not untrue.

Here is a question I have about Carmen: she is WILLING to represent drug dealers and rapists. Does she WANT to? She chooses RL, so I’m guessing her interests lie in big law and not in aiding criminals.

Lester leaves, but not before saying Kurt is about to get a grand jury summons. Diane gets one too. It’s not the usual guy! Too bad.

A bigger group is now deciding on if jokes are offensive or not, and they’re doing so with paddles that are red on one side (offensive) and green on the other (funny). I’m sure this is going to go well.

The group sees the replacement jokes and they are confused. Marissa wants to see the original joke. Julius shows the room, and everyone laughs. The joke is funny—and offensive. Someone from the mail room notes that he would be the butt of this joke, but he finds it funny, so he thinks the comedian should be able to continue with her set.

Here is where I think I fall on this: Get sensitivity reads to get ahead of any huge issues (like, don’t be Pepsi with the ad with whichever Jenner it was who solved racism). Be aware of the potential issues. Let viewers decide what is and isn’t offensive, and make informed decisions rather than arbitrary rules about what content to show. You’ll KNOW if you are indulging the tendencies of someone with a history of making the same type of problematic jokes (for example, maybe if you are reviewing something by Tina Fey and she tries to write another edgy plot where racial stereotypes are the punchline, you advise her to not do that because, I mean, why WERE there so many episodes of 30 Rock that involved blackface??). You’ll KNOW if you are giving a platform to someone who is actively trying to spread misinformation and be cruel to others. Someone’s going to be offended by everything, and it may be a huge deal and it may not be. IMO, it doesn’t really matter that I can’t make an exact set of rules about what is/isn’t smart to air. I don’t think anyone—not networks, not creators, and not audiences—would benefit from that. Lawyers might, though, for all the billable hours...

“You can’t tell a joke without offending someone,” Jay notes. I do not think this is true! Puns don’t offend anyone!

David Lee’s counter-example to Jay’s point is Gilbert & Sullivan. Of course it is.

As always, the argument devolves into overlapping chatter. These episodes exhaust me. At least this episode has some fun with the topic of the week and seems to have more of a point of view than some of the past episodes where the only conclusion is, “Wow! Controversy is controversial!”

Marissa ends up in the mail room with Jay and one of the mailroom guys (captions say his name is Jimmy). They are mocking the partner’s ideas of comedy. Jay and Jimmy agree that the best comedy is mean. But, Jay says, now it feels like you need “a permission slip to tell a joke.” Is... this true? This feels like one of those things people who would never actually get “cancelled” worry about because their fear overtakes their ability to understand what really gets someone cancelled.

Then again, this episode was written by professional writers who would absolutely know better than I am if people are really hesitant to tell jokes.

Jimmy has started making literal permission slips to allow people to tell jokes about specific groups. Jay and Marissa are down.

Jay asks Jimmy to make a card for something so inappropriate he wouldn’t joke about it... and Jimmy prints a card that says Greta Thunberg. No one wants to joke about that.

And you know why this joke lands well for me? Part of it is that the vibe of this scene is very fun and laid back. But mostly it’s because Younger tried to make a Greta Thunberg joke this season, and it was quite possibly the worst, most embarrassing thing I’ve seen a TV show do in ages. It wasn’t funny, just mean, over the top, lazy, and never-ending. (Poor Younger. That show had an awful final season.)

Liz is still worried she’s not funny. She asks Del if she’s funny and mentions Jay’s comment. He says she’s funny, but she’s not convinced he’s being honest. He points out this is a discussion no one will win. Del ends up accidentally saying “I love you” to Liz, which is a big deal for a relationship we’ve seen for all of two seconds. Liz says they don’t have to talk about it, but Del insists on explaining that he meant “affection,” not love. I’m glad they’re talking about this.

“Then maybe we should get married,” Liz says as seriously as possible. She stares at Del and smiles. He laughs and admits that was funny. It was VERY funny!

Grand jury time! Yet Another Ham Sandwich: The Sequel: The Musical: The Series. (Am I funny? Pls tell me I’m funny and hip with the teens!)

It’s Diane’s turn first. She does well, but there’s not much to say when Nancy plays the recording of Diane phoning the FBI with the rioter’s name. I did not need the clip from last episode in here. Diane is calm in court, but rushes to tell Kurt immediately. Nancy predicted Diane would do that, so she calls in Kurt before Diane has a chance to warn him.

So, wait, Kurt thought all of this was just a COINCIDENCE? Diane didn’t tell him earlier?! I don’t love this choice, but okay.

Liz finds a joke permission slip on her desk. Julius has one too. “Did you use it?” Liz asks. Julius doesn’t understand what that even means. Then they trade clothes, because Liz does want to tell a joke about white girl clothes.

Julius suspects the cards are a way to make fun of the partners for being unfunny. The associates are also chatting about the cards, having lots of fun, so it’s clearly not about the partners.

I think now is an appropriate time to mention that TGW and TGF have both been consistently hilarious shows and have been on the air for a combined twelve years. Neither rely on the types of jokes that these cards permit. This is a kind of interesting thought experiment, but... doesn’t it say something that the shows never use these jokes as crutches and still manage to be funny? This is what I meant earlier about people being afraid of cancel culture when they’re not actually really at risk of coming under fire. These writers know how to write things that are funny. They know how to make comedy out of absurdity and subverting expectations. And yet they’re worried about how to have jokes that aren’t mean? Really?

The first laugh out loud funny TGW moment that comes to mind right now is the episode that ends with that obnoxious talk show guy trying to out Diane as a lesbian. That joke deals with identity. But it still holds up 12 years later, because the joke isn’t that Diane could be gay... the joke is that Diane DOES NOT GIVE A SHIT what this pest is saying about her on TV, and so she laughs. And because the tension of the talk show guy’s BIG DRAMATIC REVEAL is cut with Diane’s dynamic, loud laugh, we laugh with her! I’m not really sure what I'm trying to illustrate with this example. I’m just noting that you can be topical, funny, and entirely appropriate at the same time... and these writers are great at finding that balance.

HR starts, like, texting (they TEXT Marissa!!!) employees about the joke permission slips? It’s so bizarrely done that I thought this was going to be a prank.

Jay decides they won’t go to HR, and Jimmy decides they’ll delay. Why wouldn’t HR just come down and take away the cards?

For this week’s dose of Wackner Wackiness, witnesses will be fully costumed, and it goes without saying that the costumes will be as over the top as possible.

David Cord is the mysterious donor. Marissa spots him and instantly puts the pieces together. Cord explains he met Wackner on the elevator. I can’t say enough how much I like that this season has a lot of moving pieces that feel like part of a whole. Cord showed up as part of a case that caused internal debate at the firm and had a thematic parallel to an ongoing plot, then crossed over into Wackner’s plot once he was established as a character!

Cord says he’s interested in “disrupting things” so he’s interested in Wackner. I did not need the still photo of where they founded HP that’s used to illustrate humble beginnings, I guess.

Nancy mentions Kurt’s unfortunate last name—she so would. Kurt takes the fifth. Was this thing about needing a reason to take the fifth true in the earlier seasons and just not mentioned? Didn’t Kalinda and Will use this strategy?

Nancy, obviously, plays the recording of Diane reporting the rioter. Kurt conceals his reaction for the grand jury, but he’s pissed.

Diane tries to apologize and Kurt asks for another lawyer. This is the right move. I can’t be all that sad.

The partners have collected all the cards and are trying to do damage control with HR. (Interestingly, there are certain topics the cards we see don’t touch on. Like, where’s the rape joke card? Aren’t rape jokes what we usually talk about when we talk about comedians getting cancelled? And where are the jokes about minority groups (aside from little people, referred to using the PC name instead of the names that would probably be used in most offensive jokes about little people) not represented in the TGF cast? I find this little bit of self-censorship quite notable, especially given that the writers seem to be arguing in favor of not regulating humor. These omissions, which MUST be intentional, tell me the writers do have their own lines they won’t cross...)

(My larger point there, and where this funny-but-unnecessary subplot fails for me, is that this whole episode feels like a bit of a panic over cancel culture and winds up being a strawman argument. I don’t disagree with the conclusions the writers come to and I do find some of these scenes funny. But at the same time, I don’t think Cancel Culture is actually about coming after every single joke that makes fun of any person or group (if we must do a cancel culture plot, why not do one about someone who is an odious person and yet still has a following even after they’ve been “cancelled”). And I don’t think that showing HR as a very stern, strict, humorless body is helpful. I��m getting ahead of myself, but all that accomplishes is having Liz win on a point that pretty much everyone can agree on, because no one is actually as humorless as STRL’s HR department! Humor has so many gray areas and if you try to make it black and white, obviously the side that’s saying YOU CANNOT MAKE JOKES ABOUT ANYTHING is going to be the one that is wrong.

I did just remember that all of these writers have probably dealt with unfun and strict standards & practices departments, and I like the way HR is portrayed more if I try to imagine them as Standards & Practices.

Liz decides she is going to see HR so she’s seen as an authority figure, not someone subversive. But first, Liz has to meet with Del and the comedian.

Wackner and Cord are in Diane’s office. Diane’s skeptical of their alliance. She also points out that it is corrupt for Wackner to be financed by Cord and decide on Cord’s cases. This is true. Cord says he has no vested interest in any of the cases. And Wackner says he’s the “most untouchable man on earth” and quotes a song again. Yet another example of how this court only works if Wackner is in charge.

The comedy meeting does not go well. David Lee is already trying to pitch their other servicces. The comedian finds the censored version hilarious in how terrible it is, and then she starts making fun of it, loudly, and for way too long.

David thinks it went poorly; Liz isn’t concerned. David is all, “you failed” and Liz asks him to cool it and notes that David isn’t the highest-ranking person at STRL, so he should “stop the shit” and work with her. She’s already sounding more like a boss.

Julius complements her on being “Boseman-like,” which is true (though I wish she didn’t need to be compared to her ex-husband). “I know,” Liz says quietly, likely because she hates that Adrian is still influencing her this much.

Del joins Wackner and Cord in the elevator, and this isn’t the end of the episode but I’m going to pretend it is so all the episodes can end on elevators this year. It’s close enough.

Kurt’s new lawyer is Julius. Ah, yes, choose the corrupt judge Trump pardoned who works at your wife’s firm to represent you. Seems smart.

Liz walks past Diane’s office and the camera follows her up to HR. She tries to get HR to understand humor. They do not. And that’s the episode.

So, a few thoughts to conclude. First, I went into this recap thinking I’d have a lot more to say about cancel culture and the way this episode handled the debate. But I ended up liking this plot—and this episode-- more the second time around. I still don’t think this episode said anything groundbreaking about cancel culture, because I don’t think it actually engaged with the topic beyond the surface. As I noted earlier, coming to the conclusion that jokes should be allowed because we’re all human isn’t really a resolution the real topic. What about accountability? What about allowing for some jokes to be too far without taking the teeth out of every joke? What about the way people panic over cancel culture when they’re not being canceled (this episode felt a little bit like a panic over cancel culture, which is why I reacted negatively to it the first time through) or about how cancellation doesn’t always stick or have meaning? There is SOMETHING to explore here, but I don’t think this episode found that something.

Second, because I didn’t find a way to work it in above... is it me, or is it actually HELPING the show to not have Adrian or Lucca around!? This season feels so much more focused than the past several, and I think it might be because the writers (who are, as always, very good at adapting to curveballs) had to restructure the show. Lucca always had her own subplots that were separate from everything else, and Adrian’s charisma tended to overpower others’ presence (especially Liz’s) whenever he was in the room. It didn’t help that the writers seemed to LOVE writing Adrian plots, even if it meant neglecting others.

Don’t get me wrong—I love Adrian and Lucca both. But there’s something to be said for a tighter show with three main interconnected pieces (Liz/firm drama, Diane/FBI and Kurt, Marissa/Wackner’s court) that carry over from episode to episode. Like the titles of the season, these episodes build on each other.

Also, there’s the right amount of every character this season. David Lee is used sparingly; Jay and Julius are supporting players who sometimes get the spotlight; Wackner is a huge presence but his plot feels like part of the show; Carmen feels important but isn’t being given screentime for the sake of screentime; Liz is finally the type of lead she should’ve been from the start; Marissa has nicely grown into a role closer to leading than supporting; Diane remains a clear lead.

5x05 next week!!! I am expecting some Hitting the Fan level quality and at least one fan-service-y reference. (Not really, but wouldn’t it be fun?)

#tgfthoughts #the good fight

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ichika27 · 3 years

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Mairimashita! Iruma-kun s2 ep18

Was gonna post this days ago but I decided to do twewy-related stuff first lol.

Anyways, lots of pictures below again. At least 20, I think. Talks of ships below as well.

The last time we saw them, Iruma had jumped in front of the beast preparing to shoot a blast of magic in front of Ronove. Everyone else is worried but don’t know what to do cause if they tried to help, they’d get blasted, too. It seems though that Iruma himself has a plan.

Iruma plans to use Ali-san’s ability to swallow the huge amount of magic to eat the blast of it the beast is going to release saying he thought it was possible since Ali-san is the Ring of Gluttony. Arikured is surprised by this and complains at first but agrees he could do such a thing but Iruma's strength will be needed to succeed.

Remember that spell Iruma learned before about changing the appearance of something? Iruma uses that magic spell to turn Ali-san into this... cat thing. Giant cat thing idk so it could swallow the magic. Ali-san swallows the entire beast and let it explode inside him. Once it was over, the sky clears up, too. The plan totally worked and Ali-san is full!

Does this mean Iruma could use the power that got eaten from the beasts?

Trouble is over and Iruma gets together with his friends again. His friends were all worried about him though and Kalego-sensei came up to tell him he'd been reckless again. Iruma says he hasn't forgotten about what Kalego-sensei had said before at the home visit and that he had now finally understood what sensei meant. He was so used to danger due to almost always being in one himself that he never realized how bad such situations were until everyone else he cared about got affected. He adds that he gave it everything he's got even though he wasn't sure he'd even win because he wants to protect everyone and holding onto that ideal is part of his "desire".

I’m happy this arc helped some of them grow and show the growth of those who already have. Pretty cool.

Random screenshot but I just wanna direct your attention to fluffy Kalego-sensei who is being adorable right now. I cannot take him seriously when he’s like this and even when he’s angry, this form makes it look adorable.

Back to the story.

While all the mess is happening on the surface, Kiriwo-senpai has finally been found by the Six Fingers who are there to help him escape under the orders of Baal. The other escaping inmates are also in the area but still behind bars and Kiriwo-senpai tells them that he never planned to help them escape alongside him and never said he'd do such thing in the first place.

I kinda feel bad for them but they are also bad people so, eh.

Upon donning the same coat the Six Fingers' wear, one of the prisoners had the realization that unlike all of them there who are merely "bad", Kiriwo is actually "evil".

One of the Six Fingers asked why they couldn't just let the prisoners escape, too as it'll help in causing chaos and Kiriwo-senpai answers that seeing the despair the prisoners are gonna be in when they realize they'd never be let out despite going this far will be fun to see. Plus, they're not strong enough and will be caught again anyways.

I missed seeing Kiriwo-senpai’s evil hairstyle. It’s been a while. I guess this answers the question I had back in season 1: Kiriwo-senpai chose to be evil. Sad but I should’ve seen it coming.

Back on the surface, a parade starts and on the float are the heroes who saved Walter Park. While Iruma is properly mentioned, the owner, Rossevelt also shows off his son (Ronove does call him Legend-daddy as in the English word lol). The owner thanks Iruma for saving the park and calls him a hero.

They look alike except for the mustache and hair length. Anime genetics never fail. Does Legend-daddy also sing his own bgm?

Unbeknownst to our heroes, Kiriwo-senpai is around the corner watching the parade. He's surprised to find out that not only was Iruma also at Walter Park at this time but Iruma is also the one to defeat the beast. Instead of being angry at another evil plan foiled, Kiriwo-senpai says that this must be destiny and was happy to see Iruma. He was gonna walk out into the crowd but snaps out of this happy state by a call from Baal.

Senpai really blurs the line between love and hate cause he acts similarly when it comes to Iruma. Congrats to the fans of this ship for getting this scene and also, I still don’t know the ship name for them. How do I tag this?

Back to the phone call, Baal isn't happy that the park still stands. Walter Park is created to vent out demons' evil cycle after all and he has no need for that in his goals as he prefers that the demons go way beyond the evil cycle and just become ultimately evil. Unfortunately for him, the authorities are coming and they can't really do much else so he tells Kiriwo-senpai and the rest to escape already.

After being told to escape, Kiriwo-senpai says that this isn’t the end and declares that he and Iruma will meet again as they are destined enemies.

I guess in Iruma’s harem, he’s the “enemies to lovers” love interest lol.

Iruma looks at the direction where Kiriwo-senpai was but of course, he doesn’t see anything and he’s none the wiser.

Opera gives Iruma back his backpack at the float. As Iruma looks inside for his stuff, he finds the note his grandfather gave him of things he must do on his trip with the final one on the list being "Have fun with everyone!". Iruma looks at his smiling friends and thinks that even though a lot of scary things happened today, he still did have fun with them. Aww so cute!

Iruma gets reunited with his worried grandpa who goes to the hotel to check on him. Iruma says he couldn't go home early as Ronove's dad let them stay at the hotel as thanks for saving the park. Ronove’s dad adds that they are also Sullivan's students so he's happy to give them such things. Iruma tells his grandpa that he's happy and okay and that the teachers and Opera protected them. Grandpa Sullivan decided that the three adults would be given the job of protecting Iruma from now on (and Kalego-sensei felt a chill down his spine elsewhere in the hotel lol).

These two adults are the same. They probably won’t stop talking about their kids if you’re around them. Reminds me of FMA’s Maes Hughes (thought still makes me sad).

While the teachers are discussing information about the attacks, Kalego-sensei goes to his room to find his team on the bed making fun of the stuff he said earlier much to his annoyance. The boys said wanted to stay in the teachers' room as it's better than the room they got but Kalego-sensei quickly kicks them out.

The girls also get rewards and are allowed to get any clothes they wanted which made them happy. Ronove’s dad is pretty generous, huh? Like, I know these guys deserve it for all their hard work but the guy looks so happy that he’d probably still be nice to them even without all the trouble happening.

They are all also given an all-you-can-eat buffet. Iruma eats a ton of food obviously. Clara is having fun at the chocolate fountain thing and Ronove is trying to make Agares eat. Those two got close, huh? lol I wonder if Ronove’s doing this to try and make Agares unattractive or something. It’ll be cool if they became friends though with their very contrasting personalities and all.

While everyone is having fun inside, Iruma leaves without anyone else realizing except for Ameri who decides to follow. They end up at the rooftop by themselves with Ameri trying to calm herself down as she's thinking of romantic stuff as it’s just the two of them. Iruma then reminds Ameri of the question she asked him before about his goal and tells her he finally found one: he wants have fun with everyone. He's willing to change in order to be able to protect that ideal of his. Ameri is happy to see Iruma has grown.

Ameri decided that she also wants to give it her all for her own desires and ambitions. She then tries to tell Iruma something but sadly she gets cockblocked by Clara and Azz both appearing. Ameri gives up for now and tells Iruma to just go with his friends.

Before leaving, Iruma asks Ameri a question - the same thing she was going to ask him earlier! He asks if they could hang out sometimes but just the two of them and she passes out from this lol.

Congratulations to Iruma x Ameri fans for getting a scene like this, too. I also don’t know the ship name for them. Anyways, why is it just the senpais getting a moment with Iruma? Ameri has been getting a lot of moments, too and it’s making me wonder if she’s endgame.

lol also, Ameri is worried about the other female rivals not realizing there’s another threat somewhere else.

While all that teen drama is happening, both Romiere's dad and Iruma's grandpa are being interviewed on tv. The two men then tell everyone how their kids and those kids' friends are the heroes of Walter Park. Since Iruma's name had been specifically mentioned (with everyone knowing the heroes are "Iruma and friends"), there ends up being reporters outside the hotel wanting to see Iruma the next day. Iruma, of course, doesn't like this popularity. With the thought that there may also be reporters waiting at his home, Clara offers to let Iruma stay at her house.

Oooh... will we finally get Iruma x Clara and Iruma x Azz moments as well? Hehehe

There's something new in the ED video by the way! This used to be for Kuromu but now it’s for these boys! Cute!

---

I’m guessing this is the end of this arc? I wonder what the last one will be since we only have like, what, 6 episodes more? What kind of arc will it be, I wonder cause this one had battles.

Okay, the end where the heroes are mentioned to be “Iruma and friends”, I’m happy and surprised that none of the others were bothered by this at all. No one complained about why Iruma is the only one specifically named. It didn’t cause a fight between the entire group unlike what would’ve happened if this was any other story. I get why Iruma got proper credit as he is the one to end the incident and saved everyone around from being fried but his friends did a lot of work, too and it’d have been better if they were all credited properly in the news. None of them were mad though and are happy that they won because they did their best.

Ronove calling his dad “Legend-daddy” will never not be cute and funny to me. His dad, despite being rich enough to own this entire park, isn’t an annoying, arrogant asshole and I like that. I’m happy that most characters in this show subvert my expectations and they make me like them more.

I’m sorry if I don’t tag ships in my mairuma posts but I don’t know any of the series’ ship names lol. Speaking of ships, as I mentioned before, Ameri’s been getting a lot of moments with Iruma or focus on her growing feelings for Iruma. Kiriwo-senpai only showed up a bit in this arc and got a bit for himself, too. Kuromu and Clara only had a bit when Iruma went evil cycle and I wonder if they’d get more, too. I personally ship him with Azz so I wish they’d gets some moments as well. Eiko gets hers mostly on the “Interval” segments.

So... is it possible to have a mairuma dating sim or not? Look at how many routes are available! XD

Anyways, focus next time is on Clara’s family probably with Iruma spending time there. I expect another Valac Family musical! XD

Thanks for reading!

#Mairimashita! Iruma-kun #welcome to demon school iruma-kun #sana_post

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toooldforfandom-liveblogs · 4 years

Text

RWBY V08E01 - Divide

V8 is here!

Sadly, the hype I had for V7 is nowhere to be found this volume. V7 left me cautious. The way it used social injustice as little more than window dressing while doing nothing to address it was enough to leave a bad taste in my mouth, and has ended up being the only season I didn’t immediately rewatch or seek reactions to it. Hell, I still haven’t listened to the soundtrack.

But, weird issues aside, it’s still RWBY and I’m still excited to watch it so here we are! Let’s do this!

Note: I’ve managed to remain mostly unspoiled with the sole exception of hearing this volume is supposed to take place over two days, so yay?

Of all the things I expected this season to start with, Cinder's backstory wasn't one of them. That girl is Cinder, right? Cinderella and all that.

Yyup, Cinder. Wow, seven seasons before giving her a slightly more tangible backstory, maybe to humanize her a bit? Bold strategy, considering everything she's done, let's see how it plays out.

Neo has to be questioning her choices really hard. I know she's on the revenge path but it's one thing to work with Cinder and another to fly directly into a flying Grimm whale.

It's interesting that they chose to have a similar intro as in Volume 4, with someone who doesn't quite know what they got into. Back then it was Emerald and Mercury watching the pools of Grimm, now it's Neo walking into a giant whale.

Neo knows what Cinder is capable of. She's seen her maiden powers first hand. Hell, she knows how charming her personality is. And now she's seeing her kneel before someone. Can't be confidence inspiring.

Tsk, tsk, Neo, I expected she'd know by now her place in Cinder's ranking.

oh god no, please not another failed hug

What's the opposite of a glow up? Because Hazel went through that.

I'm intrigued. The glimpse of Cinder's past where she was completely powerless and now this dressing down. Is she lying through her teeth right now or does she genuinely believe that since Salem presumably rescued her from her previous life?

Interesting choice to not only hide her eyes behind her hair but to also present her Grimm side to the camera while she's saying this, hiding her expression even further.

Salem seems more evil than usual, but maybe she's just on the top of the world after having acquired a relic and having her army on Atlas' doorstep.

I can't quite tell what I'm looking at here. Maybe another angle of Atlas? It looks really weird from the side.

First faunus with animal hands? I guess Ghira had retractable claws.

They are looking quite calm considering there's a giant whale in their sky. Unless they can't see it. They are in a hole surrounded by stone after all. But still, it'd be interesting characterization to have them so used to being screwed over by life that they saw the giant whale and went "Huh. I guess it's Tuesday."

Weiss would definitely know about that.

I'm curious about the coordination that's been happening behind the scenes. How does she know that's a friendly ship?

I guess at least some time has passed, since Yang, Blake and Penny aren't with them.

Very inconspicuous to destroy a droid.

Not a lot of time though, since Ren is still brooding alone. Very intrigued by the picture in the background.

Nothing says that the time for silly shenanigans is gone better than this.

I guess enough people saw Pietro and Maria running around to make them fugitives. On the bright side, it still says "detain," not "kill"

Ironwood literally shot a child, that's pretty important information to keep secret. Even if he is the child who got shot. How long before this bites someone in the ass?

I wonder if the couple in the background are the founders of the happy huntresses. The one with the eyepatch looks a lot like Robyn, enough to maybe be her mom?

Also makes it a lot easier to threaten with overwhelming force to get something from Ironwood but I guess he already gave them up.

Uuh, I like this.

I thought that after V5 the team wouldn't separate again. And if the season is really going to cover just a couple of days, it almost doesn't count. So, it keeps the all the character development from V4 and V5 (that the team is their home) but gives them enough time to breath on their own.

It's also interesting that they seeded this during the last season. RWBY has shown some long term planning but this makes all the in-fighting and arguments from the last season make sense.

If they do split up, I think Blake would go with Ruby. She's always been on the pragmatic side of things. And it adds more drama to split her from Yang, last season was all about how well they work together (and flirting). Hopefully this'd mean that she'd talk with Ruby more than once this season.

It looks like Ren is joining team Yang, which would leave Nora with Ruby if only because they seem to need to do their own thing right now. I'm not sure how it'd fit with Nora's interest in Mantle though.

Everyone else I'm not sure about.

Weiss could go either way. Maybe she feels guilty about Mantle or maybe she feels like she could help infiltrate the military compound. Although that could lead her to meet Winter which I doubt she wants right now. Maybe she's too recognizable to help Ruby.

I think Penny is going to go team Yang. Protector of Mantle after all. And it'd make Ruby's arc more interesting to have less of her usual friends next to her.

I feel Oscar would make more sense in the infiltration side of things and warning the world seems like something Ozpin would try to do.

Jaune I have no idea. Maybe whatever team doesn't get Weiss?

yup

Okay, easy guesses out of the way.

Oh, honey.

Yesss, personal feelings.

Damn, she looks incredibly badass.

Huh.

I guess Weiss is going with Ruby then.

This is tense! I actually had a moment of dread the second everyone noticed it was Penny's scroll.

And Penny just had her remaining faith in Ironwood completely destroyed.

I can already see this season is going to break my heart again.

Harriet is literally pouting. Probably pretty humiliating to have been beaten by some academy dropouts.

Welp, only a human leg left.

Feels pretty on the nose to have him literally lose part of his human body to show how he's been losing his humanity.

Well, that took a turn.

I'm glad they are taking a possible redemption (other than death) completely off the table for Ironwood. I know shooting Oscar was bad but no one knows about that. There's no way to hide this.

Those are not the expressions of people thinking "huh, maybe I'm doing the wrong thing here"

Hm. I guess Oscar is getting kidnapped. By a Grimm?

Is this the first time a RWBY season premiere doesn't have a fight? I think it is, even V5 had Yang punching someone. Not that I'm complaining, I do like talky episodes.

My first thought after the first scene with Salem and company was that there were at least a couple of players not entirely happy with their situation. Cinder is somewhat of a mystery but Neo is way over her head and obviously not happy about being an "asset." Emerald got rebuffed again even after spending two seasons crying for Cinder.

There's a parallel between Salem and Cinder, and Cinder and Emerald I assume is intentional. If Salem rescued Cinder from her Cinderella situation, the similarities would be even more visible, with Cinder giving Emerald a life outside of simple survival. However, while Salem is firm about Cinder's position as a pawn, she does value her. She knows how to play that particular game of emotional give and take. Cinder doesn't. She has never shown Emerald any appreciation. How much further can she push Emerald before she accepts Cinder doesn't care about her?

I'd say Emerald is prime material for turning sides but I wonder... we haven't had a death on the enemies side yet. Even Watts survived. Emerald could be the first. Maybe to show how far gone Cinder is, or as revenge from Neo. And the death of someone who's at least doubting they are in the right place would hit harder that someone who is drinking Salem's kool-aid.

Anyway. I feel this first episode set-up a comparison between all three sides. Salem's forces hate each other, the "good guys" split but they still like and respect each other.

Somehow Salem's downfall (or slowing down?) this volume is going to be tied to the RWBY and JNPR teams working together and trusting each other despite their differences. Which, well, duh, but still.

Ironwood's are a bit more vague, they seem to be solidifying behind him but I'm not sure where it's going yet. Maybe Marrow could defect? Although that still seems like the too-obvious choice. In any case, freeing Qrow and Robyn would be good first step by whoever ends up switching sides.

I'm curious about a lot of things (What's going to be Penny's arc this volume?) but I think that's all for now. Until next time!

#rwby #rwby liveblog #rwby v8 #rwby v8e01

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years

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Hello, Lovely Steph! I know that people here don't usually talk much about their personal life, but, only if you're completely ok with answering this question, I was wondering what you worked in, like, if you had a job in rl. I was interested in what is your job; imho you'd be great at everything, and if u feel comfortable with telling us what you do, it'd be really cool On the other hand, if you don't, for any reason, wanna say it it'd be absolutely ok and u wouldn't even have to answer this 💜

Hey Nonny!

It’s totally okay, I don’t mind. I just try to keep a lot of my personal, online and work life all separate for various reasons (something I don’t think people do enough of, to be honest), but I don’t mind letting y’all know my day-job. It might help y’all understand why I need a break from my computer more often than not.

Yes, I do have a day job as a paid full-time senior graphic designer, one that I’m fortunate enough to work from home at during the pandemic. Assuming you’re new so it’s not AS noticeable that I actually do have a day-job because during quarantine I’m working from home on my home computer, so blogging all day is just a switch of tabs. Downside being a designer in quarantine is you’re always on call and it’s kind of expected that you’re available... *shrugs* At least when I worked at the office, there was that distinct break up of my going to and from work, and a computer dedicated solely for work, and my PERSONAL computer was for personal things. Now my personal computer is EVERYTHING, and I never leave home so *shrugs*

I’m purposely being vague because I don’t want to say much else on a public post, since there is a level of privacy related to my job, other than, if you live in Canada, you’ve probably seen my work all across the country in newspapers, websites, posters, advertisements, television events and billboards. And I do love my job: my boss is great, I have great benefits and I get paid above-living wage, which means I can afford a single apt on my own. It pays over double of my last job, where I used to work as a production coordinator and graphic designer for local newspapers (word to the wise: NEVER work at a newspaper company, they will find ways to fuck you over). This job you guys probably DO know about, since I reference it a lot when people come to me about trash rags using clickbait. That job was a 9 year gig and it paid shit (WAY below poverty), but the benefits and holiday package was good which is why I stayed so long (and waiting for the layoff package that never came), but I LITERALLY couldn’t afford to live anymore and it was to the point I almost lost my home. My friend who works at the HQ branch of my current job got me the position I have now, and for now I’m content, though I want out of the drama of it eventually. My dream is working graphic design at a studio, but where I am now, actually was the “alternate dream position” because my neurotic ass did the math as a teenager and I knew it would enable me to live, if nothing else. I’m saving up to finally move into a condo with my RSP money (in Canada, you can use your RSP’s to buy your first home, which is what I am going to do with it), which is a dream next-step, but I live in a major city so it’s not cheap to go from renting to owning... the in-between stage will cost me about 30,000$ up-front, which I don’t have and the prospect of dropping that much money at once terrifies me.

Work is one of the few things I KNOW I excel at – I’ve been doing it for nearly 20 years – and honestly these days I truly believe it’s ALL I’m good at, so sadly I choose working tirelessly over anything else because I need the validation from my peers, and at the end of the day, it’s unfortunately left me a very lonely person with shit self-esteem and obsessive compulsive tendencies.

Anyway, it is cliché, but graphic design is legit my passion. I love it very much, but I just hate how cutthroat the industry is, and how little respect we designers receive. It combines my love of computers and art seamlessly, and I am proud of the work I have done. Every month I also do freelance work on the side for a former boss of mine, which is so minimal that I don’t have to claim it (it’s literally under 1000$ a year), for a magazine she publishes, so that gets me some extra spending money every month that I squirrel away for trips and collecting stuff.

So yeah, that’s a bit about me. So if you ever need a business card, logo, poster, etc, I’m your gal, LOL. The blogging and art are hobbies for me. I WANT to make art or writing my sole income, but I’ve never been able to launch either beyond a commission once every few years or to just meta and the occasional one-shot fic. And my self esteem is SO shit that if I created a Patreon and no one signed up, I’d see it as another failure in my life, so that’s why I just leave the option of my Ko.fi for people to contribute if they like my blog or what I do.

Anyhoo, TL;DR: I’m a graphic designer for very important people.

Cheers Nonny, hope that gave you a bit of insight :)

#steph replies #about my #my ramblings #chatting with nonnies #my job is just a job #for the record #Anonymous

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1180

The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? Yeah, I’m pretty paranoid and always feel the need to use conditioner because of a bad rebonding job from like a decade ago that stiffened up my hair as soon as it would get wet. It lasted for around a year, so I formed the habit of always using conditioner every time I shower. I don’t think I’ve ever used just shampoo since then.

Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Dark, but I suppose it would be nice to start experimenting with lighter shades as well.

When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? It depends if I know the lyrics or I’m feeling the song at the moment. Obviously with my new obsession with BTS I can’t really sing along to entire songs, but I do sing the few English lyrics they have per song, hahaha.

Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah but she’s been muted for like half a year already, as is the rest of her family. I do have plans to unfriend her entirely; I’m just not sure when I would push through with it, and I already gave Angela permission to log onto my account one of these days to be the one to do the unfriending.

Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? Gabie. I miss the friendship sometimes; I don’t think I’ll have a friendship as deep and connected as the one we had, so I will always feel sorry about how that went to waste. But I don’t really think about our relationship anymore as I’m pretty good at blocking off certain memories, so I don’t miss her in that sense.

How many cars are parked at your house right now? Two.

Do you have any Italian ancestry? I highly doubt so. If anything there’s probably a tiny drop Spanish blood in there but that’s the most European I’ll ever get.

Do you prefer water to be ice cold or at room temperature? Like, drinking water? Ice cold, always. I hate warm water.

Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak? Not to my face, but I know I’m one so I’m sure other people have said that about me at least behind my back.

Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found? Yes, my friend Mik and one of my aunts. They were both found eventually.

What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Eating ghost pepper instant noodles was a pain I would never want to go through again...I threw that shit out after my first forkful, lmao.

Do you need to talk to someone? No, not in particular. In a more general sense I do wanna start gaining more friends though, so I’ve been meaning to expand my circle by creating a new Twitter account just for my BTS dump. In other words, I am a 23 year old with a stan Twitter HAHAHAHA

Is something confusing you at the moment? No, I’m good.

When was the last time you had a real deep chat? Maybe my conversation with Andi a couple of nights back. We were talking about a tricky situation with their ex-friend who turned out to be a real dick when they came out to him a year ago, and they just wanted to get my perspective on how I would handle it.

Who did you last see on webcam? The PR manager for one of our clients, who we all despise because he doesn’t know how to do his job. Thankfully he’s resigning soon so we’re all just waiting for him to leave and finally meet a much more competent replacement.

What’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)? Angela has two dogs, Hailey and Kennedy. Andi had Apollo, who I wanted to meet so badly but sadly he passed away a week ago at 15.

Have you ever taken a picture while laying in the grass? There are photos of me sitting on grass, but not lying in it. I would imagine that would feel very prickly and uncomfortable.

Who’s your favorite Disney character? Baymax or Flynn Rider.

Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? I’ve made my friends chug drinks or down shots and it’s happened vice versa, but it was always in good fun and we never made each other harassed from it. It’s just your typical college rambunctiousness, and if anyone felt uncomfortable or iffy then we didn’t hesitate to move on.

When was the last time you used a pay phone and who were you calling? I’ve only ever seen those in my first school, when I was in kindergarten. I never got to use it and they also took them out not long after.

Do you like being kissed on the neck? Yessssssssss

Have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t dating (but had feelings for) in the hopes that they would ask you out later? Nope. I don’t think I would have sex with anyone I wasn’t dating.

What’s the most you would be willing to spend on a good bra? Probably a couple thousand bucks if I thought I looked good in it.

Do you have any of your teachers’ personal cell phone numbers saved in your contacts list? I don’t think so. I never tried getting close with any of them, and I always tried to stay hidden as much as possible. I was just in class to get good grades and pass.

Do you ever stalk peoples’ personal blogs, even if you don’t know them very well? I never really scroll through people’s Tumblrs anymore. That was more of a thing I did in like 2013, but these days going through my dashboard is enough.

What’s one thing about today’s generation that you just can’t stand? Some social media trends done for clout make me revolted, especially when it has anything to do with wasting food. I also hate when they do extreme pranks that I know I wouldn’t find funny if I were ever the victim, like tossing someone’s phone into the ocean.

Be honest: how do you feel about abortion? Pro-choice.

Is there anyone you currently want to reach out to? I would love to catch up with Katreen at some point, but I know we’re at different points in our lives now and it would probably never happen.

What is your favorite piece of art you own? I commissioned my sister to make an artwork of the 2D1N cast, and she did a great job making it! I haven’t gotten to use it or promote it yet, but I will soon. It’s really well-done.

What’s the one thing you apologized for this month? Replying late.

My favorite color is ______? Pastel pink.

I wish I had _____? Longer weekends.

What did you buy today? Nothing – I’d call that a success lmao, I’ve been spending money as if I had a million fucking bucks over the last week. I did have some packages arrive today though: my own copy of 2 Cool 4 Skool (my first physical BTS album!!!!!!); the official poster from their album BE; the Ivy Park sneakers I ordered earlier this month, and an Ivy Park bucket hat Bea had apparently gotten for me as a birthday present.

What has challenged your morals? Vices.

What made you pick up the last book you started reading? I had to read it in preparation for a one-on-one session with my employer’s CEO.

What about your life concerns you the most? Whether a stable future is in the cards for me.

What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend? Probably Filipino-American comedians or influencers who use stereotyping of Filipino accents and habits as a punchline; they do more harm to the culture than good. I can tell you not one Filipino who lives in the Philippines actually finds those funny, and Bretman Rock is probably the only personality who’s able to flaunt the culture in an entertaining and hilarious yet classy way.

When it comes to being offended, I guess it depends on the context. My humor can get pretty dark and low-blowy, but I would have a problem with someone who I know has genuinely problematic views.

What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another? I think it may had still been Start-Up from last December. I’m not too big on Korean dramas since I find one episode waaaaaaayyyyyyy too long. I don’t think I’ll be starting on anything soon, Korean or otherwise.

What is one way in which you are different from a year ago? What is one way in which you are still the same? I’m single now, for the first time in technically six years. I also think I’m doing better and happier, breakup notwithstanding. OH and I love wasabi now, hahah. As for what’s unchanged, I still like taking surveys and I’m still stuck at home, though the latter’s not really in my control anymore.

If you could learn about anything without the stress of grades or cost, what kind of classes would you take? I’d just go back to UP for the free tuition. We also have the widest range of programs out of any university in the country, so it’s a damn good deal.

Name a song you’ve listened to today? Fly To My Room - BTS

When you were younger, did you have a swing set or a playhouse in your backyard? We didn’t; but one of our relatives that we’d regularly visit did have a playground that I’d use all the time. It’s still there, just very unmaintained since no one uses it anymore.

Is your mall nice? Which one? We have five different malls nearby lol. Mall culture here is on another level.

Do you have a Sonic near you? If so, what’s your favorite drink from there? No. I’m not so sure what they serve there, either. I’m guessing milkshakes?

Will you be voting in the presidential elections next time around? I’ll always exercise my right to vote.

How do you feel about chocolate-covered strawberries? I hate strawberries and I hate fruits, so even if you coat that shit in Nutella and cookie butter and chocolate syrup I still wouldn’t touch it.

Did you ever stop having feelings for someone and then started having those feelings again for them? No.

Do you hate the last guy you had a thing with? I’ve never had a thing with guys.

To whom did you last give the finger? I haven’t had to do that in a while.

What was the last musical instrument played in your presence? My sister’s keyboard.

Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? Not particularly. They make things look cute, but they never taste like anything tbh so I never saw the point in paying extra just to have them on my desserts.

Honestly, have you ever crashed a party before? Nah. I cringe thinking about that.

Do you know how to do the moon walk? I don’t.

Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Never gotten that specific compliment before because I know I don’t have one.

Onion rings or french fries? Onion rings.

Has anybody ever described you as a heart breaker? No.

Has anybody ever told you that you talk too fast? I don’t think so, but I know I have the tendency to do so occasionally, especially while I’m presenting a deck. Once I notice it I make an effort to pace myself.

Who is the best cook that you know? My dad and both my grandmas all deserve that title.

Which meal throughout the day do you skip the most? I literally never have lunch ever.

What’s the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can’t juggle.

What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? Sandboxes, since I liked the texture; the sandboxes in school were also often empty, which worked well for my introvert self. I find that it’s carried over to today, since I still enjoy touching things like slime and kinetic sand.

Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? I think 5 or 6 lbs, I’m not exactly sure but it’s definitely somewhere in that small range.

Which aspect of your daily routine takes the most time? What do you do? Work, for sure. I work a normal 9–6 so that’s already 8 hours out of my day, but I also OT a lot after hours, and I work throughout my lunch break as well so that technically makes it 9 hours. I also like getting up earlier and starting some work before my shift so that I would have less tasks on my plate for the day.

Do you enjoy buying gifts for others, or could you do without this? I LOVE getting people gifts. Food is especially my love language, and I always get food delivery for my friends, family, and my team at work.

What is one thing you are expected to do, if anything? I mean, I have work deadlines tomorrow so there’s that.

How do you tend to view driving? Monotonous or entertaining? I love driving. I don’t think I ever complained about having to do it. It’s calming and relaxing when I’m doing it alone or with a partner; and it can be entertaining with the right set of people.

Do you enjoy talking about music with others? Not always. If I don’t listen to the artist then I can find the conversation quite boring, like if my friends would get into a full-blown discussion about Taylor Swift.

Is acting something you enjoy? No. It wouldn’t even be something I’d be interested in doing.

When do you feel most accomplished? Finishing a work day with no tasks left behind.

Do you think Manwich is amazing or completely gross? Idk what that is.

How many best friends do you have? Two.

Are you a smoker, drinker, pothead or none of the above? I drink sometimes. I also kinda smoke, I guess.

If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? My mom had them pierced when I was a month old.

Do you own any exercise machines? My mom has this rowing equipment thingy. I don’t have any of my own, though.

On Facebook, do you have people listed as your siblings who aren’t really your siblings? No.

Have you ever drawn or painted a self-portrait? I remember having to draw one as a school assignment, but I’m pretty sure I half-assed that because I couldn’t care less for art class back then.

Who was your last voicemail from? We don’t have voicemails.

Have you ever been falsely accused of something serious? I don’t think so. That’s the sort of situation that would stick out in my memory if ever.

Did you ever set up a lemonade stand when you were a kid? No, not a thing here.

When was the last time you spoke to someone in a different language? Around an hour ago when I went downstairs and chatted with my sister briefly.

Have you ever received an anonymous gift? Nope.

Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? Nope but I definitely still wouldn’t be opposed to doing that haha.

When were you the saddest in your life? 2016 was fucking miserable. < I’d have to agree. 2017 was also awful.

Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? I used to know one but she got out of it. In a sense, I suppose I also was in one.

If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? Well they’re younger, so they definitely still live here, with our parents. I’m the first one expected to move out, but I’m taking my time.

Have you ever gotten searched by the cops? No.

Do you like fried rice? Of course. I like any kind of rice.

What was the last thing you drank? Water.

#survey #surveys

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mickmarstookmyheart · 4 years

Text

Secret of a Guitar(ist)

Pairing: Mick Mars X Reader

Summary: High school. Drama, music, love.(Y/N) applies for guitar lessons although she isn't aware of the tutor. She meets with people who she hopes she would never meet again.

High school is a big part of everyone's life. Someone goes through it as a popular cheerleader or a lead singer of a rock band, while someone wants to stay in the back and have a quiet era. Some find love whereas others wait for Mr. Right at university. There are nerd ones, there are sportsmen. Everyone goes through high school in different ways but that's the beauty in it.

You lived in a quiet neighborhood not far away from your school. Your life was quite simple there with your family. Your mom was a teacher in an elementary school and your dad was a blue-collar worker. Your older brother, Adam was in his last year at university, whom with you had a good relationship. At least, as good as siblings could have.

"Mom, have you seen my leather pants?" You yelled from your room, searching for that damn piece of clothing for ages. The half of your closet was already either on the floor or your bed. Sighing you laid down on the floor looking up at the ceiling which was covered with band posters. ACDC, Black Sabbath, Scorpions, and Aerosmith.

"(Y/N), how many times do I have to say that you will get sick if you sit on the cold floor?!" Your mother said when she entered your room. She crossed her arms and looked at the mess which you called your room. You were on the edge of crying since you knew it will be a big day. Your mother noticed it. She helped you get up and sat down on the bed. "Honey, just relax. I know it's super important for you and this has been your dream to play the guitar and to learn it, but you don't have to stress about it. You are shy and gentle, but you can be a badass rocker, too. So remember that. Whenever you are afraid, be a badass, fearless warrior, and kick anyone's ass who dares to underestimate you." Your mother was brilliant and she always knew how to cheer you up and how to boost your self-esteem. You leaned your head on her shoulder and she rested her chin on the top of your head. "Come on, Tiger. Let's find those pants."

∆

"Why aren't you eating?" Your friend, Emma, asked with a full mouth. You barely touched your food from the stress. You were stomping your feet under the table and your stomach was as small as a peanut. You were gripping that poor fork as strong that your knuckles were white.

"I'm not hungry." You tossed the plate farther and leaned back your chair crossing your arms.

"Why?" Emma insisted.

"Damn, Emma, you are such an idiot. Don't you remember she has her first guitar lesson today?" Helen snapped not believing how stupid Emma can be sometimes. Well, you didn't like her for her sense.

"That's today?" Emma was in shock. She knew that you will have private lessons with a guitarist you didn't know cause it wasn't written on the advertisement. You only knew that someone attended your school as well and that he or she can play the guitar. This uncertainty made you cringe. Maybe this person was also as shy as you and that's why the name wasn't presented.

"Then good luck, (Y/N). I'm sure you will be great." Simon added while trying to bite in his burger. You treated him as a brother but you felt you were something more to him.

"Thanks." You smiled at him. "I'm gonna get myself a snack. Do you want something from the vending machine?" After they told you their needs you headed to grab some chocolate. You picked up a pretty fast speed, you didn't like the way others were looking at you. You tried your best not to fall over the amount of bags on your way. Sadly, bags weren't the only thing you could trip over. Someone was kind to put his foot in your way and you managed to fell over. You fell on your hands which hurt badly.

"Omg, are you alright? Sorry, I didn't mean to. Me and my huge feet." A black-haired guy said standing up from his table immediately. A hand was beside your head to help you get up. You took it and when you were already standing you could see whose table was it. That new band's. Mötley Crüe or how they said it. The bass player's feet were the reason you tripped over and the lead guitarist was the one who helped you on your feet.

"Hey, it's no problem. I can be quite clumsy sometimes. I should've paid more attention." You said rubbing your wrist.

"Did you hurt yourself?" The guitarist noticed that you were in pain. He exactly knew the feeling. You just shook your head when your friends arrived to help you out.

"Hey, (Y/N), what happened?" Emma asked rushing to you while looking at the table. She stopped and stared at the guys. "Holy shit."

"What she meant was 'Sorry for disturbing you and we will quickly head out now.'" Helen said. She was already pulling you away but the bass player stood in her way.

"Listen, I feel sorry for your hand and I want to make it up for you. And I'm Nikki, by the way." He held his hand for you.

"I appreciate thanks, but you don't have to. It's nothing." You said.

"Wait, what happened to your hand?" Simon asked taking your hand into his. You could see the helpful guy eye roll which made you chuckle.

"I insist."

"Nikki, let the girl and her friends go." The guitarist said with a strict tone. Nikki sighed and stepped away letting you go. You took a final glance at them and followed your friends. When you arrived at the restroom you rushed in and told your friends that you need to clean yourself up. You looked in the mirror and counted at least to 100. It wasn't the first time when the whole school watched you making yourself awkward. But being this clumsy in front of those guys. Not to mention your wrist which hurt like hell. How will you be able to learn the guitar with this hand?

"Hey, (Y/N), is everything okay?" Helen stepped beside you and looked in your eyes. You tried to avoid eye contact since your eyes were full of tears but your friend was a stubborn one. "Look, nothing happened that had the right to make you feel this. Everyone fell over sometimes, it's not a big deal."

"I got used to falling over. My problem is that I totally fucked this up. I-I can't play the guitar like this. So I will just waste the tutor's time the whole time since he or she can't teach me a thing. The tutor must've put aside everything for this lesson and I'm the reason for the waste of time. And I hate wasting others' time." You whimpered. Helen pulled you in a hug and rubbed your back trying to calm you.

"I know. And I feel so sorry for you. Though, I think the best thing to do will be to be present at the lesson for at least explain what happened and why you can't play. You can't let him or her alone waiting for you."

"You are right. But first, I need to have a little faith." And be a warrior as you promised your mom.

∆

3:45 pm. Isn't it too early? Nevermind, better than being late. You took a glance at your bandaged wrist and sighed. You pressed down the knob while biting your lip. When you opened the door your mouth dropped. That guy from the canteen who helped you getting up was sitting there, dealing with his guitar.

"Sorry, I must've chosen the wrong door." This can't be true. He can't be the tutor, though I would make some sense.

"Hey, wait! You are (Y/N)?" He asked putting down the guitar and walking towards you.

"Yes."

"Mick Mars." He held his hand towards you which you took shyly. "And sorry about what happened at the canteen. Nikki can't pay attention most of the time."

"Don't worry."

"Well, I think I should cause you clearly hurt yourself." He said looking at your hand.

"Speaking of...I don't think that I can play like this." You lowered your head fearing to make eye contact. "And sorry for wasting your time. You must have much more important things to do as a professional and all. But thanks for the opportunity." You turned your back and stepped in the corridor and to your surprise, Mick followed you there.

"Look, there are many more things you need to learn before actually playing the guitar so..why won't we go back and start from the beginning?" He put his hands in his pockets. You adjusted your bag on your shoulders and gave him a half-smile.

"Really?"

"Of course. Come." You took a deep breath and went back to the classroom. "Make yourself comfortable." You placed your bag on a desk and your guitar beside it. You haven't been in this room but it looked decent. "Do you need anything? Sadly, I could only bring some water but it's more than nothing." He chuckled nervously rubbing the back of his head.

"No, thanks. I'm all good."

"Then should we start or you still want to wait?" Mick was as confident as he looked. He was afraid that he might make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. Mick put two chairs next to each other and you both sat down. "So, how are you feeling today?"

"I've had better days, but it's fine." You said. "Can I ask something? And you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"Sure. What is it?"

"Why didn't you showed your name in the advertisement?"

"Somehow, I knew that you would ask this." He chuckled. "Well, to be honest, I didn't want chicks to apply to these lessons just to meet and speak to my bandmates, you know. I don't want to a messenger between the girls and the guys."

"It makes sense. And thanks for telling me." You smiled.

You talked about rockers, musicians and for a few times, he picked up the guitar and showed you some riffs. You were into guitar solos and you loved watching others do it. Not to mention, he was pretty handsome. What? Why would you even say that?

"No problem. You like someone who is trustworthy and can keep secrets. Anyway, I would like you not to speak about these lessons. I might sound creepy but I don't like to let the girls know about me. I hope it's not a problem."

"Understandable. And I won't tell a word to anyone." You put your hand on your heart.

"Not even your boyfriend." Mick added leaning closer to see if you were lying.

"I don't have one. Where did you get it?"

"That guy. From the canteen. Redhead and tall one." You could see that Mick's jaws tightened.

"Oh, you mean Simon. He is not my boyfriend. Just friends." You knew it looked like you were together but you were just really good friends. He was like a brother.

"Does he know about that?" He narrowed his eyes.

"Haha. You are very fun-" You didn't have the chance to finish your sentence because Mick's bandmates literally broke in the room. He went over to Mick and didn't notice you at first.

"Did we interrupt something?" The blonde one asked smirking.

"What?" You felt your face burn and you started to pack your things, not wanting to bother them.

"Yes, you fucking interrupt our conversation and guitar lesson, you idiots!"

"Call it whatever you want! Anyway, I'm Vince, but I'm sure you knew it." Vince introduced himself gazing all over you.

"(Y/N)." You wanted to get out as soon as possible. You intended to avoid these guys for the rest of your life after that accident but it looked like you had a bad day. "And this is Tommy. Tommy Lee, our drummer." Tommy was grinning and hugged you tight. You tensed and didn't hug him back. You weren't a hugging and touchy-touchy person. "And you have already met Sixx."

"(Y/N), I'm so sorry. I didn't pay attention and I will cover everything you need to recover."

"Look, I have already said it's no problem and I've fallen over many times. Also, if you keep apologizing I'm starting to get pissed off." Nikki was in shock by the way you were ranting.

"I'm already pissed off so you can go and annoy someone else. We still had to finish something." Mick snapped already pushing the boys out the room.

"It was a pleasure to meet you, (Y/N)!" Vince yelled just before Mick closed the door groaning. He sat back beside you rubbing his eyes.

"I'm sorry about them. They can be annoying sometimes. But they are great dudes even if they don't look like that." Mick admitted. They have been playing music for more than a year and the music they've made is pretty good. He has been in many bands but Mötley Crüe was way better than the previous ones.

"I have a brother so I kinda know the feeling." You laughed. "By the way, I see I'm bothering now. They must have a reason they came, so go and talk with them. I gotta go home now. It's already 6 pm. But it was cool." You said putting your bag on your back and picked up your guitar.

"You are not bothering." Mick said escorting you to the door. "And I hope next time they won't show up."

"Next time?"

"Yeah. You didn't think that this lesson was enough to learn the guitar, right?"

"No..."

"Then see you next week. And please don't tell this to anyone. It would make things much easier for me." He placed his hand on your shoulder and leaned closer. Your heart was racing, you could barely breathe.

"O-okay. Sure." You could see him relieve before letting your shoulder go and waving before going back to the room.

So you weren't that bad if he is willing to continue these lessons. Or was it something else?

∆

Next chapter

Tag: @leatherandheels @littlemisscare-all @karrotkate ❤️

#motley crue #rocknroll #glam rock #nikki sixx #80srock #mick mars #tommy lee #vince neil #80s music #mick mars x reader #mick mars imagine #motley crue x reader #motley crue imagine

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hide-in-imagination · 4 years

Text

Kaleidoscope Of Views // an excerpt of the Gary is her father AU

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Because an anon asked me to write everyone’s reactions to finding out Gary is Ámbar’s father, and because Taylor Swift’s folklore album fed my inspiration.

I dedicate this oneshot to the anon who wrote me, obviously, and to my friend @theuniversezecho because she loves dissecting every line on my fics and I feel like she’ll have fun with this one doing just that.

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Nico was there for it all.

His uncle’s presence had always had some kind of double effect on him. On one side, it made him want to avoid him as much as possible, but on the other, it kept him hyper-aware of everything he did when he was near. Maybe all of it could be summarized in apprehension. In wanting to be ready for whatever he did.

That’s how, when his uncle started talking with a woman he had never seen before, with an expression he had never seen in him either, Nico almost by instinct gravitated toward the scene, keeping a distance but completely tuned in to the conversation.

He hadn’t even noticed Ámbar was in the middle of it until it became evident. He couldn’t believe his ears and eyes as everything unfolded. It was like a scene taken out of a soap opera. It didn’t seem real, but the dawning, heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach was disturbingly real.

Ámbar left the Roller as if her life depended on it. Nico could only imagine what it must have felt like for her. Maybe it really was like she’d collapse onto herself if she stayed there a second longer.

The woman— Silvana, her mom— tried to go after her, but his uncle grabbed her before she could get far.

“You have a lot of explaining to do,” he told her.

Silvana didn’t look like she wanted to talk. She told him as much, that it wasn’t the time, but his uncle roared at that.

“The time passed eighteen years ago, I’m not waiting any longer!”

Silvana looked around then, and her eyes met Nico’s for a fleeting instant.

“Not here,” he heard her say.

His uncle all but dragged her outside after that.

Around the Roller, conversations resumed— or maybe they never stopped— and everything was as usual again. Normal. Calm.

As if nothing had happened.

***********************

Pedro noticed Nico had stopped working.

That wasn’t unusual, unfortunately. His friend wasn’t a bum, don’t take him wrong, but he did have a tendency of getting distracted. It could be over anything— a pretty girl, a notification on his phone, a song beginning to play through the speakers of the Roller making him go ‘Bro, this is my jam!’

So, when Pedro saw him standing in the middle of the Roller staring at nothing in particular, he didn’t think any of it at first. He just walked up to him, intending to snap him out of it as always and get him back to work.

When he reached him though, two things became instantly apparent.

One, he hadn’t been staring at nothing as Pedro had thought. The appearance of a wandering, unfocused gaze was just a cover, an attempt at hiding the fact he was actually quite focused on something.

Two, the scene he was witnessing, and now, in turn, Pedro as well, was very important.

He could tell by the tension between the three, by the tones of their voices and their body language, even before he heard the words that actually changed everything.

Ámbar ran out of there, Gary and the woman quickly followed, and Pedro could do nothing more than stare agape.

He turned to his friend. “Nico?”

Nico looked positively shocked.

“Did… Did that really just happen?” He asked, meeting Pedro’s gaze. “You heard it too, right? Right? It’s not just me, I’m not hallucinating, right?”

“No, I heard it too,” he confirmed. It was really crazy though. Gary? Ámbar’s father? “Did you know any of this?”

“No! I had no idea!” Nico snapped, distressed. “Oh my god…”

Nico ran a hand through his hair and paced, his face scrunching more and more in confusion.

“So, Ámbar is my cousin? But- But she’s Luna’s cousin. Does this make Luna my cousin too? I- What the fuck is going on?!”

“Okay, slow down, slow down,” Pedro said, placing calming hands on his shoulders. “First of all, there’s no real blood relation between Ámbar and Luna so, no, technically Luna’s not your cousin. Ámbar though... yeah, it appears she is.”

“But- how?! How could we not know any of this before?!”

“Judging by the looks of it, it was a very complicated situation,” Pedro said. It was all he could say, really. Nothing was very clear; not even to those involved, apparently. “Now that I think about it though,” he commented after a pause, “you’re both blond and have fair eyes. It does make kind of sense.”

“You have fair eyes too!” Nico countered. The ‘you idiot’ at the end was implicit. “Are you my lost cousin as well?!”

“Lost cousin?”

Both boys turned to find Simón looking at them with an amused expression.

“What did I miss?” He chuckled.

Pedro and Nico looked at each other.

This was going to be a hard one to explain.

***********************

People could say anything they wanted about her, but Jazmín Carvajal was talented.

Perhaps not at studies, or at board games, or at videogames, or at cooking, or at chores, or at swimming— but who cared about any of that? Her talent was better than all of that together, it was the Louis Vuitton of talents. And no, she wasn’t talking about her impeccable fashion sense or enviable good looks. Although, she had been born with both. But whatever, her other talent was still better than those.

Now, people would probably wonder: Jazmín, what could possibly be better than having a great fashion sense? Well, at first, she had thought so too. But then she realized that there was something even better:

Being in the right place at the right time for gossip.

Whether it was arriving at just the right time to see new couples form, or at just the right time to hear juicy secrets, Jazmín had a talent for being there.

And this? This was the juiciest secret to ever juice.

Gary was Ámbar’s father? And her biological mother was not only also in the picture but she was way prettier than Sharon. Now she understood where Ámbar had gotten her beauty from— with those parents there was no way to be anything less than gorgeous. She had to admit, she was a little jealous. But then she remembered she was Jazmín, the Roller’s second prettiest, owner of Ja-Jazmín, and luckiest girl in the world because this news was going to be a HIT.

Right when the Sol Benson drama was starting to subside, life gifted her with this pure gold scoop. Her talent really was the best. Even Delfi, her best friend and biggest competition in the media world, hadn’t been there to see it due to a Uni class. No one had, except Jazmín. If you asked her, it was a divine sign that this was her calling. Being a star/influencer was her destiny.

Sadly, by the time she realized what was going down, most of it had already been said. She was a little slow at pulling out her tablet discreetly, so she only got to film Ámbar’s storm out and the tense exchange between Gary and Silvana before they left as well. But whatever, she’d just recount the rest. Storytelling was her specialty after all.

Once the coast was clear, Jazmín stood rapidly and walked out of the Roller. Normally, she’d record in the lockers, but she didn’t want anyone to overhear her and find out about everything before she could post her video.

She found a quiet place next to some trees, lifted her tablet and began filming.

“Guys, you will not believe what just happened.”

***********************

Simón could not believe his ears.

Ámbar knew her biological mother? She had never mentioned that. He thought she didn’t know who her real parents were. Well, no, at the time they all thought she was Sol Benson, but then that had turned out to be a lie. When had Ámbar met her real mom? It couldn’t have been in Cancún, unless the woman followed her all the way here. Maybe it had happened shortly after they came back.

Silvana— that’s what the guys had said her name was. They’d also said that, apparently, Ámbar didn’t get along with her at all. That made sense. If the woman had appeared out of nowhere after 18 years of absence— years in which she had to live with Sharon— Ámbar had valid reasons to be resentful.

Simón wondered how it must’ve been for her to see her for the first time. To finally be able to put a face to the empty space.

Then the guys finished their recounting and he didn’t have to wonder anymore. He could picture it better than he wanted to.

“She ran out.”

“It was too much.”

“She was very upset. I honestly had never seen her like that.”

Simón had.

He had seen her sad, had seen her lost, had seen her trying to act strong with tears in her eyes.

If it had been like that or worse…

Simón found himself wishing he had been there. But for what? What would he have done? Run after her? He didn’t do that anymore. They weren’t like that anymore.

Wanting to be by her side was almost nostalgic, except the feeling was too wrapped in barbed wire to be remotely nice.

(And could it really be nostalgic if it had only been two months? If he still had flashbacks in dreams? If he hated himself for seeing her sometimes and not hating her as much as he wanted to?)

Simón got back to work along with the guys. But as he delivered orders or wiped tables, the image of Ámbar remained in his mind; sad, lost and broken as those times before, but this time alone. It came with the anxious thought that, if he wanted to, he could find her. He knew he could. If he just walked out that door, he’d know where to find her.

But he stayed where he was, because he had promised himself not to go near her again.

She probably wanted to be alone anyway. She’d want to pull herself together before having to face anyone again. She had a lot to think, a lot to come to terms with— surely the calm of solitude would help with that. And even if she wanted someone… it surely wasn’t him.

And so, the minutes ticked by. He wouldn’t be able to say exactly how many, but it had been a while when Gary returned.

Simón saw him immediately, but he didn’t notice him. He was by himself. His conversation with Ámbar’s mom must have ended and she left. Would she come back another day to see Ámbar? Simón wasn’t sure if he wanted that or not.

His thoughts, though, focused on the one that was there. Gary. Gary López. The new representative of Vidia and manager of the Roller. The creator and manager of the Red Sharks. Ámbar probably had a good image of him due to that, before. Then she’d had to watch that image corrode into the man that should’ve but was never there.

Simón knew Gary was arrogant and selfish. He had swayed Vidia into dropping the music business because he wanted to pursue rollerskating instead. He had dismantled their skating team for deeming them not good enough and forbidden them from using the rink. All of that he’d done it without the slightest empathy.

But one thing was to be a business obsessive man willing to push everyone aside in order to get what he wanted, and another very different one was to be the kind of man capable of causing an irreparable damage to a person that was his responsibility and carry on with his life as if it was nothing.

If Simón didn’t like Gary before, now he hated him.

“Nico,” Gary called the instant he spotted his nephew. “Come here.”

Nico left the table he had been cleaning and went to his side obediently. Simón stood close to them, watchful.

“Yes, uncle?”

“Ámbar’s not picking up her phone and I need to find her, any idea where she could’ve gone?”

“Um, I don’t know. Her house, maybe?”

Gary pulled out his phone. “Send me the address.”

Nico pulled out his own phone and began searching for it.

Simón moved towards them.

“Nico, don’t.”

Both turned to him as Simón stood next to Nico and put a hand on top of his phone, pushing it down. “Don’t give him anything.”

Gary glared at him. “Who told you this was your call? Mind your own business,” he spat.

“If Ámbar’s not answering your calls then she doesn’t want to talk to you,” Simón reasoned firmly.

“Well, I need to speak with her, I’m not asking for your opinion.” He turned to his nephew. “Nico.”

Nico looked nervous at the threat in his voice, but Simón kept his hand stubbornly over his phone. He stood in front of Gary and stared him down.

“Do you even realize how hard this must be for her?” He said indignantly. “Have some empathy and give her some space—”

“The one who doesn’t understand anything is you!” Gary roared, taking Simón by surprise, but he managed not to back down one centimeter. “I didn’t know any of this, I didn’t even know I had a daughter walking around somewhere— So don’t come telling me to have some empathy because the only one who knows exactly what she’s feeling right now is me!”

Simón was left as if in pause.

He hadn’t been expecting the outburst. No; that wasn’t exactly right. Gary was known for being short-tempered. He could be calm and then screaming at some poor soul the next second. Simón had been prepared to stand his ground against that.

But, the thing was, those outbursts were always based on anger, on annoyance. And while this one had much of that too, there was an emotionality, a raw anguish in his eyes and voice that Simón had never seen or expected to see in Gary.

And so, against all logic and all he thought he knew, Simón found himself forced to accept what was in front of him.

He does care.

Gary seemed to realize his slip. He squared his shoulders and lifted his chin, straightening the scarf over his chest. Simón recognized the gesture, the physical display of putting his guard back up. His heart skipped when he realized from where.

Ámbar does the same.

“She needs to know I had no idea,” Gary stated, serene now but with the same firmness of steel. “So, Nico,” he said turning to him again, “hurry up.”

Simón saw Nico glance at him out of the corner of his eye. A question.

Simón lowered his hand.

Nico lifted his phone and typed on it for a while. He looked at his uncle and said, “Sent.” Gary checked his phone and turned to leave.

“I don’t think she’ll be at her house.”

Gary stopped in his tracks and turned. Simón met his gaze.

“Check the park around the corner. That’s where she used to go when she was upset.”

Gary didn’t say ‘thank you’, but the feeling was there in the one courteous nod he gave him before heading out.

Simón watched him go, clenched fists and anxious heart.

He hoped he had done the right thing.

***********************

Luna, Nina, Jim and Yam had just finished P.E class, their last class of the day, when they found out about everything through Jazmín’s video.

Luna had been the last one to finish changing from her gym clothes back to regular ones. When she walked out of the dressing rooms, she saw all her friends were already on the schoolyard and hurried towards them.

“Sorry I’m late, I’m ready now,” she said as she reached them. “What are you watching?”

They were all glued together looking at something in Jim’s phone. They turned to her and there was an expression in their faces Luna couldn’t pinpoint.

“Luna, you need to see this,” Nina said, at the same time as Jim passed her the phone.

“What is it?” Luna frowned, receiving it. It was open on a video in Jazmín’s channel. All girls gravitated toward her as Luna tapped ‘play’, watching it along with her over her shoulders.

At first, it was just Jazmín’s typical blabbering, but as the video went on Luna’s eyes widened, and by the time it ended, she was totally agape.

“What?” She uttered, blinking rapidly as if the video she just watched would disappear from the screen and prove to be a figment of her imagination. “Wait, wait, wait, wait, is this real? Gary is Ámbar’s dad?”

“Well, there’s not much video of the moment but, why would Jazmín lie about something like this?” Nina reasoned, who also looked taken aback.

“Yeah, I mean, Jazmín may want to make her channel popular but, she wouldn’t just make up something like this to achieve that,” Yam said.

“Yeah, Jazmín is not a liar,” Jim agreed, “so we can only assume she’s saying the truth.”

“Wow…” Luna murmured. It was the only thing she was capable of saying.

“‘Wow’ is cutting it short,” Nina said. “Statistically speaking, this is something near impossible. I mean- Gary didn’t get here because of Ámbar, he came because Vidia hired him and he happened to get interested in the skating business. If none of that had happened, he and Ámbar would never even have crossed paths. This is like— less likely than getting struck by lightning.”

“And if Ámbar’s mom hadn’t appeared and Gary hadn’t recognized her, they never would’ve even known either,” Jim added, just as surprised as the rest.

“The worst part is that, if we look at their actions, it makes sense that they’re related,” Yam reflected. “I mean, Ámbar has done nothing but harm the Roller lately, and in the short time Gary’s been here he’s done exactly the same. Except worse because he’s the manager and therefore he can do whatever he likes.”

“You think they’ll join forces against us?” Nina asked worriedly.

Luna shook her head.

“No, no, no, stop. You’re getting way ahead of yourselves,” she reproached. “Ámbar just found out that he’s her father— Do you really think she even cares about the Roller or us right now? Finding out about something like this is very shocking. Didn’t you see how she ran away? She must be very upset.”

The girls looked shamefaced.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Jim said. “It must be very tough.”

“Yes,” Yam expelled reluctantly. “Although it’s a little hard for me to feel sorry for her after all she’s done.”

After some coaxing from Luna, the girls continued with their daily routine of dropping off their bags and then meeting again at the Roller as usual.

As Luna walked home though, she thought that nothing was ‘as usual’ anymore. Her whole life had changed in the last couple of months, and now things kept changing around her at a dizzying speed.

Luna didn’t want more things to change. She wanted some sense of normalcy back into her life, like the warm feeling of happiness and belonging that washed over her whenever she was with Simón.

The Roller team didn’t exist anymore, they weren’t allowed to skate in the rink she loved so much, her given name was Sol Benson which meant everything was different and her biological parents were long gone… She didn’t know how she would be dealing with all of it if it wasn’t for Simón accompanying her all summer, the unconditional love of her parents, the grandpa she didn’t know she had, and the girls, who were always there for her.

Now Ámbar knew who her real parents were too, but, unlike hers, Ámbar’s were alive, which meant she actually had to face them.

And, unlike her, Ámbar didn’t have that many people around.

Well, it’s her own fault, a little voice protested in her head, but Luna couldn’t help but feeling sympathy for her. After all, she knew very well what it felt like to uncover your past, and no matter what bad things she had done, no one deserved to be alone during a time like that.

She could only hope that the Red Sharks would act as a support for her, although she doubted it with the kind of people they were. Ramiro perhaps would want to help, although he and Ámbar were never really close.

Luna was the one farthest from Ámbar, they always had been, but at the same time, she had moments in which she felt like they were the ones who could get the other the most. At least on some level. If only they could understand each other… but Ámbar had never wanted to get along with her.

Luna sighed, half from tiredness and half from frustration.

She was gonna try to be nice to Ámbar during this time— like she always had, to be fair— but if Ámbar kept pushing everyone away, there was nothing she could do.

***********************

Juliana looked at her watch and back at the three teenagers in front of her.

“Still no news from Ámbar?”

Benicio lowered his phone from his ear. “She’s not picking up.”

“Something must have happened,” Ramiro said. “Ámbar has never been the kind to skip training sessions, and she’s always on time.”

“Well, what do we do?” Emilia asked. “Do we train without her?”

Juliana looked at her watch again, seeming troubled. She was probably thinking of how to adjust steps that required couples to just three people. For Ramiro it wasn’t an issue because he was paired up with Emilia, so he was more worried about why Ámbar hadn’t appeared than about the training session.

“Juliana.”

Ramiro looked to the side and saw Simón standing near the entrance of the rink.

“Can I speak with you?” He asked.

With a slight frown, Juliana nodded. “Yeah, sure.” She turned to the trio. “Try contacting her one last time,” she told them and walked toward Simón.

“As if I hadn’t sent her a bunch of messages already,” Emilia said with a roll of her eyes, but she unlocked her phone anyway.

Ramiro focused his gaze on Juliana and Simón. He couldn’t hear what they were saying from he was standing and Juliana’s back was to him, but he could see Simón’s face and he looked serious as he spoke. Juliana must have asked something because Simón shook his head no. He looked somewhat... unhappy? No. Worried, maybe. Ramiro wondered what it could be about.

It was over as soon as he formed that thought though. Simón walked away from the rink and Juliana returned to their side.

“Ámbar is not gonna come today.”

“What? Why?” Benicio asked, voicing Ramiro’s thoughts.

“I don’t know, but she’ll tell us whenever she comes back,” Juliana replied. Ramiro frowned. If that’s what they had talked about, why didn’t Simón tell her? “In the meantime, today we’ll—”

“I think I know why.”

Everyone turned to Emilia. She tapped on her phone and positioned herself so everyone could see the screen. Juliana protested at first, claiming they were already behind in their training and it wasn’t the time to watch silly videos, but then, as Jazmín’s tale went on, even she was left speechless.

The video came to an end and there was a collective silence. Ramiro felt it as one of those moments during skating when you connected with your partner on a level so instinctual that you almost became one mind. At this moment, they were all processing the same.

Benicio was the first one to react.

“I gotta go see her.”

He attempted to skate away, but Juliana stopped him immediately with a hand on his chest.

“You will do nothing of the sort, you’re staying right here,” she declared firmly. “All of you.”

“But Juliana,” Emilia said, looking bothered, “this is…”

“I know,” Juliana said, more softly now. “And I’m sure Ámbar is going through a lot right now, so if really you want to help her, give her time to process all of this. Okay?”

Ramiro understood the logic of what Juliana was saying, and if Benicio’s and Emilia’s deflated stances said anything, they understood it as well. And Ámbar was not his friend by any means or even someone he had talked to that much. But…

“Does she have to process it alone?” He had to ask.

Juliana looked at him.

“This kind of news? …Yes.”

That afternoon, Juliana put them up to do individual training. Ramiro loved perfecting himself so it was an almost ideal outcome for him, but even though he tried to focus wholeheartedly on his footwork, his thoughts kept jumping back to Ámbar intermittently.

Like- First they had convinced her that she was Sol Benson when in reality it was Luna –that alone was enough to merit an existential crisis— and now she had to deal with this? If Ramiro had to deal with a life like that then, fuck, he’d be burning things down too.

He had said that he didn’t care about his Red Sharks teammates, only about their skating abilities and the chances the team had at succeeding and making it big. His friends were the Roller guys, even if they were mad at him, and that wasn’t going to change. But maybe he’d make an exception.

After all, Ámbar had been part of the Roller Team once too. And from the look of things… She was gonna need a friend.

***********************

The instant the video ended, Delfi was already marking Pedro on her phone.

“Hello, my l—"

“Is it true?” She fired instantly.

“What is?”

She could perfectly picture his frown of confusion but she had no time for it.

“Is Gary Ámbar’s dad?” She quickly clarified.

“Wh- How do you know about that?!” He asked, stunned.

“So it is true!” She replied agape. “Oh my god!”

She was speed-walking through her campus, meaning to take a cab the moment she was outside. She had to go to the Roller asap.

“Delfi, seriously, how did you find out? I thought you were in class.”

“Jazmín made a video about it and posted it on Ja-Jazmín.”

“What? I didn’t even see her there. Oh god.”

“How is Ámbar? Is she there?”

“No, she never came back. Gary either. Her mother even less, she looked like she didn’t want to be near Gary for another second.”

“Wow… I can’t believe all of this, it’s so crazy. I mean, what are the odds that precisely her biological father would be put in charge of the very place she had frequented all her life AND the new skating team she is now part of? This is insane.”

“Tell me about it. Nico is freaking out.”

“Oh my god, Nico! Right, this makes them cousins! Wow…” She finally got to the street and turned her gaze to the traffic. “Now that I think about it, they do look quite alike.”

“I said the same thing!” Pedro jumped, maybe a little too excited, but it warmed Delfi too that they had thought the same. “At least genetically it adds up.”

“Was anyone else there when it happened?”

“Only Simón. Although he didn’t see it first-hand, Nico and I told him.”

Delfi told him to hold as she climbed into the cab and gave the driver the destination.

“And what was his reaction?” she asked once she was settled. “I mean, I know he’s still mad at Ámbar for what happened, but he did have a thing for her at one point…”

Pedro sighed. “I think that thing you mention may not be as in the past as we thought,” he said worriedly.

She frowned. “Why do you say so?”

“You should’ve seen how he confronted Gary when he returned asking for Ámbar’s address. He blatantly told him to leave her alone and have some empathy.”

“Oh wow. Was Gary mad?”

“Super mad. He yelled at him, told him he had no idea what it was like and that he had no right to meddle. Simón had no other choice but to let him be.”

Delfi sighed, staring out the window as the streets passed and blurred together.

“Yeah, I think the only ones who really know what it feels like are Ámbar and Gary.” The rest of them could imagine it but… No, scratch that, she couldn’t imagine it.

“You know Ámbar is not my friend anymore,” she continued. “And truthfully, I’m happy it is that way, but… I don’t know, I think this whole thing is awful. I hope she and Gary can talk and figure things out. I hope he’ll be nice to her. Although, it’s very unlikely because Gary it’s a brute. I mean, neither of them are very good people but… I still hope they can clear things up, get along, bond… It’d be awful if Gary denied her. Or if he ran away; she doesn’t deserve that. I mean, sure, Ámbar it’s no innocent flower but, as much pain as she’s caused, I don’t want Gary to treat her badly…” She paused, going over her own words. “…Is it silly of me to think that?” She asked, feeling unsure.

There was a small silence before he answered.

“No. It just goes to show the amazing, beautiful girl you are.”

Delfi could hear the smile in his voice, see the tenderness written in his expression as clear as if he were with her, and it made a thousand butterflies flutter in her stomach.

She smiled warmly. “You are the amazing one. The best boyfriend any girl could ask for.” She looked out the window again. “I’ll be there in a couple minutes, talk to you there?”

“I’ll have an apple juice ready for when you arrive.”

God, could he be any sweeter?

“Thank you. See you soon. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Delfi put her phone back into her bag and let out a long sigh.

Yeah, she was quite content with her life right now. She wouldn’t change it for the world.

***********************

When Matteo arrived at the Roller after some long classes at University, he had been hoping for some peace. Studying Business Administration wasn’t as boring as he had feared, made even more bearable each time he imagined himself owning his own record company. The classes could be very tedious though, and the amount of information his teachers could shoot his way in one hour and a half was as impressive as it was tiring.

Matteo wanted to relax, but just walking into the cafeteria, he realized that wouldn’t be possible.

Tension hung heavy in the air as everyone was gathered talking about something. Matteo heard them mention Ámbar and Gary and he immediately prepared himself for the worse.

“What happened?” He asked as he joined the group.

“You didn’t see Jazmín’s video?” Yam asked.

He frowned. “No, I haven’t seen anything, why?”

There seemed to be a silent conversation between everyone. Luna looked at Simón. He didn’t seem happy, but he sighed and made a gesture as if saying ‘go ahead.’ Matteo felt the usual jab of jealousy he got each time he watched them together, but he pushed it down. He was more worried about what Gary and Ámbar could’ve done this time.

He expected to hear some new, unfair prohibition, like they couldn’t be in the Roller for more than two hours at a time or something.

He did not expect what they actually told him.

“What?” He looked at everyone, searching for signs that they were messing with him. “Are you serious? Gary?”

“Yeah, we couldn’t believe it either,” Pedro said.

“I still can’t believe it,” said Nico. “I mean- Ámbar is my cousin. This is so weird.”

It was weird. It was very weird indeed. Just with Luna turning out to be Sol Benson, Matteo thought he had met his quota of coincidences for the rest of his life. Apparently not.

He was still getting his head around everything Nico and Pedro had told him when, suddenly, many voices rose at once.

“Jazmín!”

“Where have you been?”

“We called you many times!”

Jazmín looked absolutely ecstatic and unconcerned as she entered the Roller and came up to them.

“I was doing some celebratory shopping!” She said cheerily, showing off the shopping bag in her hand. “What are you doing all gathered like this? Ah, I know, you’re talking about my video, right?” She grinned. “Isn’t it the best? I totally made it in a rush but it’s such a hit, guys. You have no idea how many comments I’m getting. Everyone is so shocked by the news!”

“Jazmín…” Delfi said in a disapproving tone, but she didn’t seem to notice.

“Now tell me, what were your thoughts? I mean, besides the fact I look gorgeous in this outfit,” she said with a flip of her hair. “Do you think Gary will take a paternity test? Many people seem to think so, but I think that with how alike they look it’d be a joke to take one– I mean, how do you deny that?”

“Jazmín.”

Simón’s voice finally stopped her. He stood in front of her and looked at her seriously.

“You need to delete that video right now,” he said in a polite but rigid manner.

Jazmín snorted. “What? Are you crazy? Is my biggest success so far!”

“What you told in that video was something private, not something for everyone to find out about,” he reprimanded. “It wasn’t right for you to upload that.”

Jazmín’s smile finally fell and her posture turned defensive.

“And was it right when she burned down the rink?” She demanded. “Was it right when she gave our choreography to The Sliders? Or when she bought dislikes to my video in the Vidia competition? Guys, it’s Ámbar,” she reminded them, in a tone that suggested it was silly to be even talking about it. “She has done worse things.”

No one jumped to contradict that and Matteo could understand why. Everyone had been affected by Ámbar in one way or another.

Which is precisely why it was so telling when Luna, the one who had been targeted the most, was the one to intercede on her behalf. She told Jazmín that Simón was right, that even though Ámbar had done bad things, those had nothing to do with what was happening now.

Not a day went by that Matteo wasn’t amazed by how big Luna’s heart was.

Jim was the next one to say she agreed, and it was written in everyone else’s faces that they did as well, even if begrudgingly.

With one last “please” from Simón’s lips, Jazmín finally gave in and deleted the video. She moved to one of the chairs and sat down, sad, holding her shopping bag to her chest as if it was a plush toy. The pout remained on her face even after everyone else carried on with their day.

Unfortunately, it didn’t matter much now if the video was gone. Deleting it was more a nice gesture than anything else considering the ton of views it had. Everyone who knew Ámbar probably knew everything already.

Matteo settled down at one of the tables with an orange juice, and his thoughts went back to their dating days. Ámbar used to love having videos made about them, showing off how perfect they were. Or just about her, to bask in people’s love and attention. To be honest, he couldn’t completely blame Jazmín for not having thought twice when Ámbar used to be like that.

But she was not that Ámbar anymore, just as he was no longer the same.

There was a shift that occurred in the mind of a person that used to live for praise when they realized image was of no help when they needed it most. When they realized they couldn’t get what they truly wanted because they didn’t know how, because in the world of appearances it was never taught how.

Something happened at that moment. Something that Matteo knew very well because he had been through that too.

The visibly defined lines in the world seemed to fade, like a chessboard with no squares, leaving you in doubt of how to move. You had to rebuild your sense of self, but without the polished, beautiful vase of glass that had always been there, water had no shape.

Matteo had slowly found his way thanks to the people around him. His friends had shown him there were other scales to weigh his worth. Luna taught him that not being bound by fixed contours could be a good thing— it allowed new, better things to come in.

Matteo was a slow learner. He still had times when he felt that to lose or win defined if he had worth or not. He lashed out when he felt insecure. He lost Luna for it. But he had a sense now of who he was and what he wanted. He was still like a clay figure made by a kindergartener, but he was getting there.

Ámbar though, seemed to had collapsed without a direction. From the spilled water had risen a storm, still shapeless and chaotic, but strong enough and deathly enough to keep any harm from ever touching her again.

Matteo wondered what she would do now that her past had hit her and her present had changed. Now that everyone knew what was happening, turning her storm into no more than a snow globe, displayed for everyone to see.

Would she become even worse? Like a vengeful hurricane destroying everything in its wake?

Or would she finally subdue her waves into a less hostile tide and allow someone to try to reach her?

Knowing Ámbar, he feared it would be the first. From his experience, he hoped it would be the second. But if she let someone like Gary in— would that be a good or a bad thing?

After everything Ámbar had done to the Roller and the team, he doubted anyone else would want to get near.

But maybe…

He looked over to the side and watched Simón as he took the orders from one of the tables.

Maybe the one who tried once would be willing to do it again.

After all, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?

Matteo took a long sip of his drink and leaned back in his chair.

Only time would tell.

…

-------------------------------------

This was a very fun writing exercise for me. I had to get into a lot of character’s minds and, sometimes, it was like I wasn’t even the one writing anymore. There are some lines here that make me proud, but I feel like I can’t take the credit for them because they came to me almost as if something had possessed me.

In my experience, though, that’s the best kind of writing.

I hope you liked this and thank you for reading ♡ — C

#simbar fanfic #kinda #soy luna fanfiction #soy luna fanfic #My Writing #short writings #although not so short- this one is 6k sljdfn #gary is her father AU #I *AM* WORKING ON ROADS- PLZ HAVE PATIENCE <3

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mercy-of-the-ashes · 4 years

Text

My Complete Thoughts On Haiji Towa and My Experiences As A Haiji Fan

Hey, guys. It’s been a while since I made a new post. I’m hardly on Reddit, but that’s obvious. As you can see from the title, I rewrote my Haiji post again, but I assure you, it’ll be the last time I do this. After all this time, I left out so many details, and I wanted to make sure I say everything that I want to say here. That way, I can just move on while knowing I got everything off my chest. Obviously, this post is about, you guessed it, Haiji Towa, the most controversial and hated Danganronpa character of all time. And it’ll also be about me and my experiences as a Haiji fan. It’s a very long post, so please bear with me.

Note: I do not want to cause drama by posting this. I’m not targeting anyone nor do I want anyone to target me for this. I’m just going to state all of my honest opinions about Haiji and my experiences in the fandom, and what I think about both. If anyone doesn’t want to read what I have to say, please turn back and ignore my post. You have been warned.

Haiji Towa is, believe it or not, my favorite Danganronpa character. Yes, I said it and for the first time since I joined the community a long time ago, I’m not ashamed anymore. However, I’m not blind to the hate he gets on a daily basis. I’m well aware of it, along with other things I’ve experienced for more than a year now. So for the third and final time, I’m going to explain my full stance on Haiji without leaving anything out. Again, I’m not defending him for what he is in canon. I don’t condone his actions in any way, shape, or form, so always keep that in mind.

Now Haiji is hated for a variety of reasons, and I’m going to list them and discuss my own opinions about each one. So let’s begin!

1. Haiji’s a pedophile! Why do you like a pedophile?!!

To start things off, I’ll get the obvious one out of the way. I know and understand he’s a pedophile, but it doesn’t mean I like him for that reason. That’s a disgusting reason to like him, and I’m not one of those people. I’m not deliberately ignoring that little detail from his character because I like him. Just because I like him *doesn’t* mean I support pedophilia. I hate that they made Haiji one, and the worst part is I accidentally found out about this way before I even got to Chapter 4 during my friend’s playthrough of Ultra Despair Girls. I’ll admit I was in denial, and I wanted to believe it was some sort of misunderstanding. Sadly it wasn’t one. Some say it was just a lame joke Haiji made, but I don’t know. Regardless, it broke my heart because I didn’t have a problem with him before that happened. But despite this, I couldn’t bring myself to hate him like 95% of the fandom. And I shouldn’t be forced to hate him. I hate the fact that he’s a pedo, not the character himself. Call me insane if you want, but it’s the truth.

2. Haiji’s a child abuser!

Another thing that I know and understand. Yes, the way he treated Monaca was wrong on so many levels, including calling her an alien or unwanted and always reminding her that she’s unloved. Abuse is and will always be wrong. Haiji hated her out of bitterness and jealousy, especially when her genius intellect started to shine, and he just didn’t care about her at all. What he did to a child was cruel, there’s no denying it.

3. He’s a jerk, a coward, a horrible leader.

I’d say that I’m not blind to this as well, but this is just me having to repeat myself over and over. I know what he’s like. Haiji’s a jerk and a coward who didn’t fight back against the kids and Monokumas. He didn’t do much for the Resistance, but he should be given some credit for trying to keep the surviving adults safe. Sure, he didn’t do anything until Komaru’s inspiring speech, but he did what he thought what was best for the survivors. The keyword is “thought.” And I have a feeling I know what someone might say immediately, which will lead to the next point in a moment.

I’m not familiar with leadership, but I know Haiji’s not a perfect leader. People have pointed this out a lot from what I’ve seen. He accused Komaru and Toko of luring the Monokumas even though it wasn’t on purpose. He didn’t listen to anything they had to say. He doesn’t fight back right away. But did it ever occur to anyone that he doesn’t know much about leadership? He didn’t know what he was doing, just like any inexperienced person would if they wound up in a similar situation. But he did have some good points. I actually sympathized with him when he first appeared. He didn’t want to fight back if it meant risking the survivors getting killed. Also, Haiji did admit he was being a coward later on, so he knew he wasn’t being a good leader. He’s not the perfect leader you would expect, but he did try. Of course, his bad choices do hinder what should have been decent choices.

4. Haiji’s selfish!

Alright, his desire for revenge is selfish. He cared more about himself and what he wanted out of this, but if he truly didn’t care about others, why did he form the Resistance in the first place if he didn’t care about anyone else? I don’t approve of him wanting revenge against the Warriors of Hope and the brainwashed kids, but I understand why he would feel that way.

5. Haiji wanted to kill all the kids!

The scene from Chapter 5 is one that I will always remember. I confess that I was against Haiji for wanting to break the controller, even if it meant killing all of the brainwashed kids. His selfishness, rage, and revenge intensified here. He even attacked Toko, a character I used to despise. She’s not a favorite, but even I hated when he threatened her. Haiji was an irrational bastard throughout this chapter, and hating him for this reason is valid just like the first two. But I still understand his behavior here. Also, note that I didn’t include the other two reasons, so I’ll get to that in a moment.

Now that those reasons have been covered, I can get to the part where I can discuss my overall opinion. All of these reasons for hating him are valid, and some of them are more valid than the others. But I want to do something first. For this next part, shove the pedophilia and child abuse aside. Pretend those traits don’t exist for a moment.

Put yourself in Haiji’s shoes. You are the heir of Towa Group, a conglomerate that will be all yours someday. During your life of luxury in a city that you are destined to run someday, you discover you have a stepsister, Monaca. She later surpassed you and is helping the company, making you feel angry and jealous because a child managed to surpass you. You feel threatened and useless, and you develop an inferiority complex.

To not make matters worse for you, you just ignore her (considering how the wheelchair “accident” already happened). As long as she’s making the company profit, you don’t care what she does. The company is what matters to you. But little did you know, those Monokumas she’s developing are “death machines”, but you’re too late to realize it. You choose not to risk the company exposing everything, so you don’t say anything to not lose everything you’ve been working hard on for a long time.

Then suddenly, your father is killed right before your eyes by the same Monokumas. You barely manage to escape, but unfortunately, you get attacked too. Your arm is ripped apart and you scream in pure agony as children laugh at you. It’s a traumatizing experience for you, but because of all the conflict, your emotions take over your mindset. You blame it on the children. Monaca, who had manipulated everyone, is the enemy in your eyes. You begin to hate the children with all your heart, and wish for vengeance.

You’re forced to hide, unable to fight back after what had happened. You try to think of a plan, but deep down, you’re too afraid to do anything. Everything was traumatizing to you, so you just remain hidden from danger all while making sure the survivors don’t suffer the same way. But when words of encouragement inspire you to fight back, you rally up all the others to fight the kids that you have grown to despise for what they’ve done. Blinded by hatred, rage, and revenge, you don’t care if the kids die. You’ve suffered so much, you just want it all to end at all costs.

This only explains some of his actions, but seeing things from his perspective is key to understanding Haiji’s way of thinking. I did this because people don’t seem to notice that Haiji’s an emotion-driven man. He’s intelligent despite people claiming that he’s an idiot, but his emotions clouded his logic. He can’t think logically because he’s so fueled by revenge. He’s not an idiot, he’s inexperienced. He didn’t know what he was doing. His emotions dominated rationality, which in turn led to the way he was in-game. Being selfish and filled with revenge alongside being emotion-driven and unable to think clearly makes sense.

“But he’s a pedophile and an abuser!” I know that already, but I’m not defending him about that. Excluding the forced pedophilia and abuse, all of Haiji’s actions aren’t being excused here. I’m not excusing any of his actions at all. Understanding them and supporting them aren’t interchangeable. I wouldn’t be writing this post if I were the blind fangirl who believes that he did nothing wrong, something that people accuse me of being. Well, apparently it’s false. I can like a character without liking everything that a character does. Liking everything about a character is a dangerous mindset that I don’t have.

On to my next opinion. Haiji Towa had a lot of wasted potential. I don’t know why all of his untapped potential was never utilized. He had so much going for him, it kind of hurts to see a lot of ideas being poorly executed. In my honest opinion, Haiji could have been written better. UDG intended to make characters fall into the gray area, but even without the obvious stuff, Haiji still could have worked to fit with the theme that not everyone is completely good or completely bad. The pedophilia and abuse were forced and unnecessary to me because with everything else, Haiji already fit the theme of the game. The extra push was overkill in my eyes.

And then there’s the argument which states that he was meant to be hated, so that’s why Haiji is the way he is. Some people even told me that I missed the point of his character. No, I didn’t. I know he was made to be hated, but wasn’t Monaca the one meant to be hated? Why drag Haiji into it? Anyway, even if Haiji was made to be hated by everyone, I’m not obligated to like it. For me, they ruined him, ruined what could have been a great character, and I know there are people who feel the same way.

Haiji wasn’t allowed better writing. He didn’t get more focus, and never had a chance to get redemption. If they had taken better care of his character, Haiji could have been an antihero type of character who would get a redemption arc. He had plenty of traits that fit the character type, so all he needed was redeeming qualities and more focus to make him less of a plot device and more of an actual character. I like antiheroes, and that’s what drew me in to his character.

Why am I passionate about a character everyone hates? This will shock people, but Haiji and I have a lot in common. Again, the pedophilia and abuse do not count. We are emotion-driven and insecure. It can be proven by those who know me, and even I’m aware of how emotional and insecure I can get. We don’t always think logically, and it screws us over. We are cowardly and paranoid, too afraid to take risks, and we are hotheaded by struggling to see when we are wrong and don’t ask or accept help. We get jealous of others who upstage us (except I never abused nor will I ever abuse anyone), and we do hold grudges.

Haiji and I are both passionate in our own ways, and we are both intelligent when we can be. Plus we dress casually, and we can be sarcastic and laid-back when we’re not jerks. Yes, even I can be a jerk towards others, but my positive qualities outweigh my negative qualities.

However, unlike Haiji, I’m trying to overcome whatever flaws we both share, but it takes time to improve myself. Trying to be more confident and rational isn’t an easy task. Heck, I still struggle with accepting help from others. Also, I used to be vengeful towards others for a variety of reasons, especially after I was emotionally abused by a toxic friend, but I’m doing better now. I still express bitterness towards her and people who have hurt me recently, but I’m not out there seeking revenge.

Removing the pedophilia and adjusting some things, Haiji could have had more depth, only he wasn’t allowed more attention. It’s pretty sad when I think about it. He’s one of the most realistic characters of the series, and he was handled improperly. All of this is why I was driven to do something about it, which now leads to my own portion of this post.

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My experiences as one of the few Haiji fans have resulted in mixed feelings about the fandom. When I realized I liked Haiji more than expected and started to see the hate he constantly gets, I knew I was taking a risk when I decided to tackle something. That something was my goal to create an AU Haiji Towa. I never saw anyone do it before, so I knew it would cause problems, but I did it anyway.

Basically I started writing stories where Haiji isn’t a pedophile or an abuser (at least not to an extreme). My stories gained attention as time went on, and I admit I got so excited knowing that people acknowledged my efforts. So I kept going with them alongside my Haiji roleplay accounts. In a sense, I made this into a commitment, plus I was having fun writing a more likable version of Haiji. But there was a problem that I didn’t realize until recently. My Haiji was too different to the point where he was an OC.

I won’t lie, I refused to see it, but people did question my efforts because of it. I’m embarrassed to look back on those memories now that I know they were right. It’s no wonder he was rejected in Killing Game roleplays. That problem is now solved now that I’m rewriting all of my Haiji stories. They are stories that are now deleted, but they will come back but better. The way I roleplay Haiji was altered as well. It felt like all of my efforts were for nothing, but they weren’t. For my new portrayal of Haiji, I’m going to lean more towards canon, but considering how his backstory and personality are lacking in some areas, I can still take creative liberties with my AU Haiji.

I know I’m saying all of this as if nothing bad had happened, but I did say I’ve developed mixed feelings about the fandom. First off, the hate towards Haiji fans is ridiculous and disturbing. I’ve never seen so much hatred for a fictional character, ranging from wishing death upon him to hating actual people. Hating Haiji is valid, but the fact that people hate those who like him is taking things too far. They are falsely accused of being pedo/abuse apologists. I experienced that myself, and it’s annoying.

In my case, I was accused of glorifying Haiji Towa, so anything to do with him was banned from a place where I usually hang out often. Talking about him, roleplaying as him, anything related to Haiji, is banned. What made it hurt for me is the rule seemed like a call-out. Why? It said it doesn’t matter if it’s an AU Haiji, it’s still an issue. Just because I like him doesn’t mean I glorify pedophilia and abuse. I said this a million times to those people, yet my voice remained unheard. A minor detail was when they also accused me of liking him just because he’s attractive. Yes, I do believe he’s handsome, but that’s not the only reason why I like him, or else why would I write this post? Why make this if I’m a “shallow fangirl” who doesn’t see issues with him? I’m not stupid to behave like that, and I hate it when people misunderstand or underestimate me.

Another embarrassing moment was when my tastes in characters was questioned. They told me that I shouldn’t like characters like that, but again I don’t like Haiji for those obvious things. The same can apply for any character. People can like whatever character they want without supporting everything that they do. So, if I like Korekiyo, I support incest? I like Kokichi, do I approve of compulsive lying? What about Tenko, does that mean I hate men? NO. I don’t support any of those things.

And another thing, I like Haiji, but that doesn’t mean I’ll do the same things as him. Liking a character doesn’t equal being the character. Hating a character doesn’t equal hating people who happen to like a character. People like characters for thousands of reasons, and doing this sort of thing puts Haiji fans in a negative light when we don’t deserve it. Without a doubt, there are Haiji fans who…like him for being a pedophile and/or an abuser, but those are a minority of Haiji fans. Fans that should stay away from me and everyone else. Not all of us are pedo/abuse apologists, and these false accusations only serve to demonize us when we are innocent.

I hate to bring up this next thing, but it’s something that caused me to lose trust in people. This whole time, I thought they encouraged and supported me for liking Haiji and my efforts to create my AU Haiji. It turns out they didn’t. On one hand, I understand why and I can respect that. I’m not trying to change everyone’s opinions with this post. The reason why this hurt was I trusted them. I thought they were on my side, but then I realized they have been questioning me and never appreciated my efforts the whole time.

Two things come to mind. The first one is I don’t care if people hate Haiji, but people should at least respect those who do. Hate Haiji, but respect me. But if people hate me in the process just for liking Haiji, then there’s nothing I can do about that. As for the second thing, I know not everyone will appreciate my AU Haiji. Even after they made me realize the way I’ve been writing him, it won’t resonate with everyone. It’s not a big deal there, but I still felt like they lied to me, as if my efforts have been invalidated. The same people didn’t attack me directly, but it doesn’t change the way I feel.

What’s worse is, I almost tried to write Haiji as he was in canon because they believed it was the right way to do it if I wanted to give him a redemption arc. I was forcing myself to do it, but my heart kept telling me this isn’t what I want to do. I can’t stick with all of canon, it goes against my principle to keep the pedophilia and some of the abuse out of my AU Haiji. That’s what I’ve been doing all this time, and I’m not going against that. I’m sorry to those the people who suggested it, but I don’t want to do it. My plans for my own version of Haiji wouldn’t work if those things were intact. I’m done trying to please others. I’m a writer, and I like to write stories that don’t make me feel like I’m forcing myself to write something in some way. I want to write what I want, not what others want. So my plans for my AU Haiji will be a combination of all of the things I added to him, and what’s canon to make him a better AU Haiji. But no pedophilia and abuse (at least the severe kind of abuse). Ever.

I apologize if I sounded irritated in some places, but I’ve had a lot of emotions bottled up and I just knew writing this post would help me release them in a more productive way. The last things I want to say is all of this toxicity in the fandom is insane. I don’t hate anyone. I used to, but I realize I don’t care anymore. It’s a waste of time. What I do care is people should be allowed to like whatever they want without people breathing on their backs and making them feel bad.

If I hadn’t tackled my AU Haiji, I wouldn’t have returned to writing ever again. I was in a bad place because of the abusive friendship I had dealt with years ago. I haven’t written anything for years until I became a Haiji fan. Haiji, or Danganronpa in general, revived my love for writing. And I wouldn’t have met my friends on Discord if I hadn’t done any of this. It’s thanks to them that I’ve done so many things that I never imagined myself doing, and it’s thanks to them that I’m doing my best to improve myself as a person. It’ll be a long journey, but I don’t have to do it alone. So despite the toxicity, it was worth making it this far.

I’m lucky that I’m still here doing what I want to do. There were times when I wanted to just give up, but I have friends, real friends, who support me and don’t want me to give up on what I love. And I won’t. Besides, there are Haiji fans out there who feel the exact same way as me. If people could give them a chance, give us a chance, they could see that we’re great people. In the end, I didn’t just write this post for myself. I wrote it for all the Haiji fans out there that are afraid to speak up. And they’re right to stay hidden, and personally, I hope they see this post.

Alright, I’ve said everything that I wanted to say. I hope you guys took the time to read this lengthy post. Please respect my opinions, I never wrote this to cause any harm, but I needed to say everything that I’ve wanted to say for so long. Now I can put this to rest and move on.

#ooc post #words from the mun #thoughts from the mun #confessions from the mun #haiji towa #au haiji towa #danganronpa #danganronpa au #danganronpa another episode #danganronpa another episode ultra despair girls #ultra despair girls

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