#even though it makes me a little sad because that's now happening by default of harry's fame scale ��� it's inevitable being asked about

[sweetest-devotion]

telegraph, 9 Nov 2022.

[mediocreanomaly]

Baby Fever with Trigun Boys!

Authors Note: I’ve been so obsessed with the Trigun baby post recently it’s been filling my head with thoughts, so here’s all the Trigun boys with if they would want kids + how many kids I think they’d have! (w Livio, Razlo, and Legato because they never get enough love 💔)  

Trigger warning: hints of pocd in Legatos (his is at the very end so you can stop reading before his if it’s a sensitive subject) 

Vash:

Would Vash want kids? Yes...eventually 

•When he first thinks about having kids with you he’s over the moon excited but then the longer he thinks about it the more nervous he gets. He does want a baby but he already feels bad for dragging you along and putting you in danger, and he’s got a bit of a self loathing streak (he makes me so sad) so he’ll probably slow down and try to convince you to wait until he stops his brother to have a family

•The other thing is he’s also not even sure if it’s possible, plant and human hybrid??? it’s never been done, not that he’s not eventually down for trying

•Although once he gets it in his head that you want a baby with him he discovers a side of himself that he didn’t know existed until now, rest assured you won’t be leaving the bed anytime soon.

•If you get pregnant before Vash can stop his brother he might mope just a bit apologizing despite you not really being mad, but it doesn’t last long. Then he’s both super excited and super stressed! What do babies need? are you hot? cold? do you need him to carry you? need help reaching something? he’s there fussing over you like a mother hen

•If you get pregnant after he deals with Knives, then he’s a lot more eager right off the bat, excited to start a family after everything he’s been through (still a mother hen though)

•Vash 👏 has 👏twins 👏

•Two little girls to be exact! one for each arm, one for each parent! Double the cuteness!

• Vash is a very good dad, eager to raise his children the way he thinks Rem would want him to, plus he has you! They grow a bit faster than human children thanks to the plant genes but not nearly as fast as Vash and Nai grew up so luckily you guys get to still enjoy them being small

• As the twins grow up they are eerily similar to how Vash and Nai were as children. In fact Vash gets a bit nervous when his other little girl takes on so many personality traits of his older brother, he stresses about it a bit, not that he didn’t love Nai but he doesn’t want history to repeat itself. Luckily he has you by his side, every time he lets his thoughts run wild, he watches the way you so gently parent the twins...he takes a small breath of relief. He feels in a way...he failed his brother but this is different, this time it’ll be okay

Wolfwood:

Does he want kids? Yes  👍

•Wolfwood loves kids so it’s natural he’d want some of his own and especially if it’s with you

•Thing is slightly similar to Vash he’d be a bit reluctant to have kids right now. He’s got a lot on his plate and he also has a bit of a self loathing streak (Trigun boys x therapy) he isn’t sure he deserves to start a family with someone as good as you

•When you do start a family Nick goes from 0-100 real fast, and by that I mean he goes from being protective to guard dog mode 24/7 but can you blame him? He’s seen how dangerous the world is he’ll die before he let’s anything happen to you or his unborn child

•Your first kid is a little girl, one that grows up to be...a little too much like her father. Sarcasm is her default speech and she’s a little head strong, but very protective of her family

•Now I don’t see enough people talking about this but??? Wolfwood??? would for sure want to adopt a kid??? He grew up in an orphanage, so of course your second kid was adopted. As much as he loves your daughter he knows how much the kids at the orphanage need a good home, so you welcome in a little boy. One that's a bit timid and shy and reminds Wolfwood all too much of little Livio when he was young, safe to say it pulls on his heart strings

•The last kid is the baby! Your daughter and son are a bit older and the third was admittedly a bit of an accident, not an unwelcomed one, but not planned. Either way Nick is happy about it (plus he’s really good at taking care of babies) In all you tie off your happy little family with three kids (four if you count nick lol)

•Wolfwood is a good dad though. Also he’s the kids favorite, so expect to get jealous when after school all the kids run into his arms. Don’t expect condolences either, this man will look up at you, all the kids in his arms and give you the biggest shit eating grin too...the bastard.

Knives

Would he want kids? Yes if you take care of them lmao

•Okay so unlike Vash and Wolfwood, Knives sees himself as an apex, so he can protect you and his kids from anything, if he decides he wants kids he doesn’t feel the need to wait

•The only thing is...it’s cannon he’s got a thing for impregnation right? but you have to realize this is for Plants, plant children aren’t like human children (or in this case plant/human children?) they grown alot faster, understand alot quicker, and he’s not the most...nurturing guy in the world. 

 •So buckle up because you’ll be in charge of most the children's care! don’t worry too much though, if you ask for something he’ll provide it so you won’t ever need to stress about not having anything. 

•During the pregnancy he’s fiercely protective over you, keeping you in his private wing in a plush bed. Only letting Legato help take care of you and Conrad whos in charge of your check ups

•Now honestly I’m not sure how many kids he’d have, so I see one of two options

•option one, an only child. One that he has you raise then begins to take more under his wing as he or she grows up. A child that's, in a way, the heir of everything Nai has built, one that will grow to be as strong as their father (with hopefully a bit more care thanks to you)

•option two, lots of children. Once he sees your pregnant the first time...well he likes you like that, might as well keep you like that all the time right? Besides don’t you want to continue his legacy?

•Either way he does like love  his children, he just has a hard time showing it. He tries to show he cares though i mean you’ve seen how he is with Vash. Honestly I think it’s easier for your kids to understand their fathers affections since their half plant, gives them a better insight you know? (if you mess with them it’s literally the quickest way to die though so it’s not like that aren’t under his care still) 

Livio

Does he want children? 100% Yes!

•This man...ugh this man

•Livio 100% wants kids with you, he’s a gentle giant and a soft soul at heart. He wants nothing more than to settle down with you and have a couple little feet running around.

•This man is so patient so caring with you. He’s also a little scared he’ll hurt you once you’re pregnant I mean look at you!!! you’re so cute! waddling around all that baby weight, what if he crushes you? or bumps into you and hurts the baby? what do you mean that's not how that works?

•Despite his worries you welcome a happy healthy baby girl, who he’s still a little apprehensive about hurting at first but once you guide him through holding the little bundle of joy he’ll settle a bit

•So you have your first little girl, and after about a year you decide to try for another. You and livio decide you want to try to have one boy one girl, only thing is...you have another little girl! but that's okay! because a year after that you try again...and have another little girl. Livio accepts his fate after that.

•all jokes! Livio really does love his little girls to death, he doesn’t really care if he has a little boy or not, besides it’s endlessly hilarious to come home and see this hulk of a man surrounded by three little girls, one of which has dressed him up in a pink tutu so he can attend her royal tea party, another using her cheap kid make up to make him “the prettiest girl at the ball” while she smears eyeshadow on his face and another one yet pulling what hair he has into multiple little pig tails. 

•Now I do have one small headcannon that only applies if you are in a relationship with both Livio and Razlo. If you are in a relationship with both the boys then Razlo sees the girls as his kids but not his kids if that makes sense...as in he helps raise them as his own but he doesn’t feel like he in particular made them you know?

•Razlo will probably ask if he can try for one kid with you (if you know what I mean) and you'll end up with one more kid, your youngest and ofcourse...it’s a boy! Razlo will never let Livio live this down, he will tease Livio about this fact forever. “What like it was hard?” “Shut up Razlo” 

Razlo

Does he want kids? Maybe?

•Razlos a little on the fence about kids at first. He’s spent his life training, protecting, killing. As cocky as he acts he isn’t sure he’d be a good dad.

•Once he get’s more settled into his life not constantly fighting he’ll start to consider it though, because Razlo does like kids it’s just...he spent his whole life protecting Livio he had just never really considered the fact he might one day have a family of his own

•When you’re pregnant he follows you around like a puppy, his broad form is like a large shadow keeping a watchful eye over your smaller form. Unlike Livio though he’s a little less scared of his strength, in fact he likes to use it to his advantage, why waste his gift right? so expect him to try to carry you around everywhere. Also don’t even think about lifting anything, that’s what he’s for!

•As mentioned in Livios if you are in a relationship with both Razlo and Livio then Razlo will only really try to get you pregnant once after all Livios kids born. He’s content with raising all the girls and one little boy. (Razlo also gets swept up into the parties. He puts up a bit more of a fight and complains and bit more then Livio does but he loves them so he deals with it.) 

•As for his little boy he tries to get him into more traditionally masculine things so he can have a break from playing princess but he’s actually very accepting of whatever his kids want to do. If his little boy end up liking the stuff he does? great! If he doesn’t and just wants to join his sisters? also great! I mean, he’s a little less thrilled there's now four sets of hands hastily applying lipstick to his face, but that’s life. (Jokes on him, it ends up being one of the little girls who’s a little tomboy. “papa Razlo? can we go catch bugs?” “Oh thank god yes let’s go”) 

•But!!! If you are in a relationship with just Razlo then it’s a bit different. He’ll probably end up with two kids, both boys. The first boy is alot like him, very loud, blunt, and protective. He’s also a bit of a trouble maker and it doesn’t help Razlo is a bit of a yes man which ends in both of them with their heads bowed while you scold them

•Your younger one is a bit more of a gentle soul. A lot more shy, more of an introvert and defiantly glued to you in his younger years. Razlo doesn’t 100% understand his interest as he gets older but he does try, in fact his shy nature reminds him a lot of Livio which makes him a bit protective of your youngest. in all he ends up being a great dad

Legato

Does he want kids? No.

•Now listen, you need to understand, this man did not have a good childhood, in fact he didn’t have a childhood.

•He doesn’t have any experience with kids and the way he was treated as a child...yeah he’s got a lot of trauma around the whole concept of children as a whole, and honestly it’d have to be pretty far in your relationship for him to even be willing to be physical enough with you to even have the chance to conceive a kid.    

•so no he doesn’t want kids. 

•but lets say accidents happen and somehow the two of you are a bit careless and you end up pregnant 

•oh boy are you ready? Because Legato makes me really sad. He’d be a bit distant during your pregnancy, he doesn’t really know how to feel about all this, he never imagined himself as a father and now...

•When your baby is first born (a little boy) you’re going to have to do all the care. It’s rough but honestly with his trauma? he’d be scared to death to touch his kid. He’s paranoid. He knows what he went through and he’s scared. What if he hurts his kid? What if the same thing happens to him? In reality he’d never and I mean never hurt his kid but it’s a common for this kind of paranoia in victims of the type of abuse Legato suffered.

•It’s a rough couple of first years but after some reassurance (and therapy! please get this man therapy!) He slowly comes around. No matter what though he’s protective. Like I said he knows how cruel humanity can be, and even in the first years with his paranoia he’ll be damned if anyone hurts his little boy. In fact he might go a bit over board and refuse to let anyone even touch him or pick him up besides you

•Once he settles in though...it’s not so bad. He slowly warms up to him, admittedly it’s a bit rocky at first. To your little boy Legato is a bit of a stranger living in the same house of him since Legato refuses to let himself get too close, but give it time and they’ll slowly bond.

“I’m told you like to read?” “...yeah” “maybe...I could give you some of my favorite books? would you like that?” “...okay.”

•Don’t worry!!! the two end up okay. Despite the less than ideal start, Legato gains more confidence the more he interacts with his son. Especially since they have a lot of the same interest. At the end of the day Legato realizes something, he want’s to give his kid the childhood he never got to have.

[laurasimonsdaughter]

I got a copy of Erdoes and Ortiz's American Indian Myths and Legends (1984) for Christmas and it is fascinating to me how various Native American tales portray romance between humans and non-humans. Especially compared to the European takes on that motif, which usually center on the relationship being doomed from the start, because humans belong only with humans. But this does not seem to be the default in the Native American tales in this collection!

There was one story which did portray the relationship as doomed (Tolowim woman and butterfly man, Maidu) and one where a human woman was taken against her will and gladly rescued by her husband (The stolen wife, Tewa). But there is also a tale where a wife is willingly taken by a great buffalo and when her human husband steals her back and kills White Buffalo Chief, she mourns him so that her jealous husband kills her (Apache chief punishes his wife, Tiwa).

That last tale, while tragic, already goes out of its way to show that the woman was happy with the powerful buffalo, and there are four stories in the collection that make a point of ending in happiness:

The industrious daughter who wouldn't marry (Cochiti)

A beautiful young woman who is a master at making beautiful garments spurns all her human suitors, until it is widely known that she doesn't care for young men. Coyote hears of this and goes to court her, dressed in his finest clothes. He does not offer her any gifts, but he dances very well and he brings a branch of blackcurrants, which are her favourite. She is pleased with him, so she takes him home, sleeps with him, and gives birth to two little coyotes. Her parents are dismayed and the other people turn away from her, but Coyote brings her to his home under the ground. There he has all kinds of clothes just as fine as the ones she makes, and she lives there happily with him ever after.

The Serpent of the Sea (Zuni)

The beautiful daughter of the priest-chief of the village Home of the Eagles cannot abide dust or dirt. Every day she spends almost all her time bathing in the sacred spring of the Serpent of the Sea and this angers him. He changes himself into a beautiful baby boy and she finds him and takes him home to care for him. As soon as she falls asleep the Serpent takes his true form again, coiling himself all around the maiden and all around the room. In the morning the whole household panics, but the girl’s father understands what happened and begs the Serpent to let his daughter return to her family once more, even though she now belongs to him. The Serpent moves enough to release her, finally waking her. She is very frightened, but after four days of ceremonies she bids her family goodbye and goes with the Serpent. As they travel the Serpent takes the shape of a beautiful young man, and speaks in a kinder and kinder voice, until she dares to look at him. Startled she asks him where the terrifying creature has gone. He explains that he is the serpent, but that he loves her, and that if she will consent to come and stay with him they will live and love each other forever in the Waters of the World. The maiden goes with him, forgetting her sadness and forgetting her family, and lived with him ever after.

The man who married the moon (Isleta Pueblo)

The great leader, weaver, and medicine man Nah-chu-rú-chu (the bluish light of dawn) got tired of all the young women trying to win his affection. He proclaimed that he would marry the girl who could grind corn meal so fine that it would stick to his pearl water dipper. The only woman who could do it was the Moon, who was an Isleta maiden before she went to live into the sky. He marries her and loves his moon-wife above all things. Two sisters, the Yellow Corn Maiden, are so jealous that they persuade the moon to admire her reflection in the water of the well, and push her in to drown her. The chief mourns so deeply that it no longer rains and all the crops begin dying, until they bring him a mysterious flower from a mound in the forest where his wife disappeared. He performs a sacred ritual and the moon is brought back to life. The corn maidens are changed into helpful, gentle snakes as punishment, and the moon lives happily with her husband.

The woman who married a merman (Coos)

A girl who refuses all her suitors and goes swimming in the creek every day becomes pregnant without understanding how. She gives birth to a baby that always cries unless it is left outside, where someone brings it seal meat to eat. The young mother watches over her baby and at night is approached by a man who says he is her husband and promises she will be safe if she goes with him. The merman takes his wife and child to the bottom of the sea, where many people lived. Her husband was one of the five sons of the village chief and the couple lived there happy and satisfied. She goes to her relatives once to get arrows for her little boy to play with, and once to visit her brothers. The second time they see her shoulders are turning dark and scaly like those of a sea serpent. She never returned again, but sea serpents came into their harbour, and every summer and winter they would send a whale ashore, a gift to their kinsmen above the sea.

Erdoes and Ortiz even draw a parallel between the tale of the Serpent of the Sea and Beauty and the Beast, but I rather love the girl running off with the Coyote and "the woman who married a merman" is such a lovely counterpoint to the selkie and mermaid stories I grew up with. I'm really happy with this book~

[chairteeth]

“Nemu Hiiragi: The Shadow”

The promised Magius Nemu essay arrives. I have given up on proper essay formatting and will simply leave my analyses in semi-rant form because my brain is too chaotic and goes on too many tangents. It cannot be tamed. Informal essay under the cut!

So. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has heard others refer to Nemu as a shadow, Touka 2.0, or some other frankly reductive term. Most of the time, unless her creations come up, she’s not discussed at all, and even then… barely. That’s not exactly surprising. Given Nemu’s normally calm demeanor, and the fact that she and Touka are joined at the hip, it’s only natural that Touka would be the one to get the most attention, the one who stands out. Where Touka is the boisterous sun, Nemu is the humble moon. Today, we turn our eyes to the moon.

There is so much to talk about when it comes to Magius Nemu and pretty much all of it is going to make you really sad. Much like Touka and all other magical girls, she led a double life the entire time, but in her case, when she “traded one terminal illness for another” she got the short end of the stick. Imagine being a writer and discovering that your magic allows you to give physical form to your stories, to breathe life into your creations—literally. Now picture finding out later down the line that each time you use it, it consumes so much magic that it shaves off pieces of your very life force. That’s one slap in the face. But, it gets worse.

Let me lay out everything we know about how Magius Nemu’s sacrifices affected her physically, and how each of the people around her responded to her worsening condition. First, we know it causes pain severe enough to temporarily affect her vision and speech, and severe enough to make her fall to the ground, though she doesn’t always faint from it. We know it inflicts exhaustion and that even something like releasing an uwasa for the first time can make her pass out on the spot, so presumably it’s a lengthy process that takes a toll on her at every stage (well not sure about conceptualization, but creation and release definitely do). A voiced example of one of these episodes is in Arc 1 Chapter 8, 4:02:36 - 4:03:43 if you're watching the video.

Now, as for the people around Nemu, starting from more distant to closest. Her family? Oblivious, responsible for her state of emotional deprivation and for several other issues. Alina? Ehh she seems to either not care or care very little, which is properly Alina-esque of her. Mifuyu? Oh let me talk about MIFUYU for a second. Disclaimer, despite her many sins committed against my favorite characters, I do love the sheep, she’s too much of a failure, I cannot hate her. But Mifuyu “I want to be a nurse” Azusa is insensitive beyond belief, and I was honestly surprised when they appointed her to be some sort of… ethics teacher for Touka? Bruh. You see, an MGS is supposed to put us in the shoes of whatever character it’s about. That’s what it does. However my brain is broken and perceives the world from a TouNemu perspective by default. Which means I had a completely different reading of Mifuyu’s MGS. I am going to illustrate my point with screenshots this time because I happen to have them on hand.

Mifuyu says this about Touka and Nemu getting worked up over Alina wanting to prioritize witches above rumors. But. Here’s the thing. The thing that Mifuyu seems to be missing completely. Rumors are created by Nemu, through a sacrifice of her own life force that worsens her pain and makes her suffer more with each subsequent use. Evidently, the girls reply that no, they don’t think they were getting too emotional.

YOU THINK? Have you given any thought to why that could possibly be the case, Mifuyu? But, okay, fine, we can look past this. Alright. Next scene, it’s Touka and Nemu being upset that Yachiyo just destroyed the Divorce Stairs (I call them that, but for clarification, it’s the Friendship-Ending Staircase). I’m going to bring something up that I don’t believe is exactly contradicted by canon, though not confirmed either, but I’d be willing to believe by the fact that Nemu knows of Iroha (by name and I assume appearance) that there’s a psychic link of some kind between the uwasa and their creator. That would make sense, considering they are made of her magic and have pieces of her life force. If this is true, then that massacre Iroha and Yachiyo go on during Arc 1 Chapter 7 is far, far worse.

But alright, back to the scene. Touka is standing up for Nemu here, and Mifuyu proceeds to go and dismiss their feelings because, as she says in her thoughts, “they’re just children”. Okay, Mifuyu, hear me out. They’re 11-12. They’re not toddlers. Just because they’re children doesn’t make their emotions invalid, unimportant, or not worth considering. Particularly in this case, where they have a good reason to be upset. Nemu even mentions the life force she’s using up and Mifuyu’s first and only thought is “Yacchan…” (this is a repeating pattern).

The next relevant scene is one where Mifuyu does something Alina has also done and Touka hasn't: ask Nemu to make a rumor for her.

Nemu reminds her that it comes at a cost, and that she’s using up her life for this. Nemu gives in, of course. I will talk about this imminently. First though, the final scene of Mifuyu’s MGS. Where Mifuyu repeats the previous pattern but worse. How exactly is it worse? I’ll let the screenshots speak for themselves here. Nemu and Mifuyu meet at the shrine where the uwasa is going to be released, Nemu does the deed, and faints, then Mifuyu reacts like this:

These screenshots are less than a second apart. It is the immediate follow-up. Absolutely zero concern for one of the people she’s supposed to be responsible for who just did her a pretty big favor (as if you needed someone’s blood to open a door, they stabbed themselves to get you the blood, and then you left them on the ground in pain). So yes Mifuyu is insensitive and she is not helping Nemu’s view of adults. Relatedly, before I move to talking about Touka, since I’d like to actually end this on a non-depressing note, I’m going to circle back a little to Nemu’s family.

I am infamous for not liking Nemu’s family. Her parents, mainly. Her brother, for as much of a snotty brat as he is to her, is presumably still very tiny and has had scarce interactions with his sister, therefore leading to the way Nemu describes their relationship (“strangers”). As a slight aside, Nemu does try very hard to have a relationship with her brother, not only in her MGS, but in her solo Christmas quotes where she’s lost on what to get as a gift for a kid that likes soccer and asks Homescreen-chan for advice. And you see, Nemu has this thing where once you get past a certain point with her, she becomes a people pleaser. Unlike when Ui’s parents have visited before (seen in TouNemu’s Christmas MGS), Nemu was shocked to hear that her mother and brother had come to see her. This leads me to believe the visits are an extremely rare occurrence and that there is no other contact besides them. Ui’s parents at least video call her, from what the quotes say.

And now we have reached the point where it’s unavoidable and I have to talk about Nemu’s emotional trauma. Her family does not seem to know about her writing, which was a good call because it shielded her from much of the gifted kid trauma. However, that doesn’t mean her parents’ actions (or lack thereof) were without consequence. A lot of these might be subconscious, so bear with me a second. At this point in the timeline, Nemu struggles to believe that others will meet her needs or care for her. She seeks affirmation, acceptance, approval, and fortunately seems to get it in the form of her website and Touka during this era.

Let me give you some examples of Nemu’s people-pleasing tendencies, as any kid would learn that catering to the needs and desires of others can sometimes lead to a sense of belonging or validation—she explicitly wants that, she is aware that she wants to feel loved. This is immensely obvious with her family’s visits, where her first reaction isn’t good but then she plays along and puts up a happier face (which drops literally as soon as her mother and brother are out of the room), even apologizing for the slightest inconvenience regardless of whether or not the reaction to that inconvenience was bad (the book that was hard to find, the general Presence™ of her family in the room, apologizes again for talking about her feelings, etc). So that she doesn’t have to burden them with her feelings. So that her mother can feel like she’s fulfilled her duty by walking into the room, giving Nemu a rundown of what the family has been up to, and leaving without really actually spending any real quality time with her or bothering to really ask about her. Touka gets (righteously) angry in Nemu’s stead once her mother and brother have left precisely because of this. Nemu proceeds to, like many children in her position, defend her parents completely and then chastise herself for “looking down on them”. Touka and Ui both understand at least the heart of the issues at play here, and express as much. My point here isn’t exactly “Nemu’s parents are equivalent to Sana’s” or anything, it’s more that they’re extremely oblivious and their actions (and lack thereof) have hurt Nemu deeply.

That habit Nemu’s parents have of never truly showing interest in their daughter’s life seems to remain after the hospital, and then they’re focused on her brother’s comfort. Not Nemu’s. Never Nemu’s. Then, later on, in the Wings of the Magius, every time someone asks her to make a rumor (read: sacrifice a piece of her life force and make herself feel physically worse presumably forever), she agrees. Mifuyu asks her to, yeah sure. Alina wants a rumor? Of course. I won’t count when everyone asked her for stuff to add to Fendt Hope solely because I’m not sure Fendt Hope works like normal rumors do. Something, something, difficulty setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, struggling to distinguish her own needs from the needs of others…

A child who learned that her voice and desires were not prioritized in such critical stages of her life naturally struggles to articulate her own needs and wants. Prime example, Fendt Hope’s creation. She listens to the others give their ideas for it, never suggesting anything herself after reminding them of her usefulness. Until. Touka asks. When she does, Nemu seems almost taken aback. She apologizes. Nothing comes to mind. That very same day, she gets home, tries again to have some sort of positive interaction or time with her brother, gets rejected. As soon as an alternative form of service (doing the dishes for her exhausted mother so that she may help her brother with homework) presents itself, she practically jumps at the opportunity. The scene after that one, with the way she views Touka, Alina, and Mifuyu, vs the way she views her mother and brother, only makes this more obvious. How is Nemu supposed to feel any sense of value at home? At least as a magical girl, she’s useful. At least as a Magius, she has people who know her. The feelings of low self-worth aren’t as obvious on Nemu as they are on many of the other girls who have them, though.

The next time there’s a Magius meeting, this time to decide on a name for their base, Touka is again the one who asks Nemu for her opinion. It’s important to note that Touka is never once hostile, aggressive, or even annoyed when she does this. She considers Nemu’s thoughts and feelings more than anyone. Heck, Nemu would have no way to doubt Touka’s care for her considering their history and the way she acts.

Now I get to talk about the relationship between Magius Nemu and Magius Touka. If I start gushing incoherently, I apologize in advance. I covered a bit of Magius Touka’s attitude towards Nemu in the essay dedicated to her, and slightly in this one, but now I want to draw attention to how incredibly sweet Touka can be when it comes to Nemu. Nemu desperately needs that reliability and that love Touka provides, the hope she brings. And Touka is the one person who openly shows her care, attention. Over and over again.

Touka considers Nemu an equal. During the main story, as I said in my Magius Touka essay, she shows concern for Nemu’s health and wellbeing when no one else does. This goes beyond her magic-given affliction! I only wish we had more bits and pieces from that era, but as for what we do have… Well, I have to point at Nemu’s swimsuit costume story for the easiest and shortest point of reference. I’d use screenshots, but if I did, I would just end up showing you every single piece of dialogue and expression.

In that costume story, Touka and Nemu are at Fendt Hope, talking about their future trip to the beach (which they made plans for together in Touka’s swimsuit costume story). Nemu has her insecurities, and she’s shy about putting on the swimsuit, but then Touka proceeds to be incredibly supportive by first making her feel comfortable—for some reason she also had her own swimsuit lying around and offered to wear it too because Nemu mentioned it’d be embarrassing if she was the only one wearing a swimsuit and Touka was wearing clothes—then as soon as Nemu expresses self-doubt, she doubles down via genuine compliments (these two compliment each other way more than you think, even in main story Touka praises Nemu for her ideas). This is also a rare occasion where we’re shown that Nemu’s parents, or her mom at least, who seems more present than her dad, mean no harm, since it was Nemu’s mother who helped pick out every element of her swimsuit. After that, Touka goes off to change back into her school uniform, and Nemu is “uncharacteristically giddy” (as she states) looking at herself in the mirror. Touka gets back, and Nemu is startled to have been caught in a vulnerable state, but, critically, Touka is happy to see her happy and doesn’t tease her, although Nemu (jokingly, blushing) laments that letting Touka read her heart is the greatest failure of her life. Nemu asks Touka to listen. And Touka complies. Nemu trusts Touka with her heart, with her honest feelings, and knows Touka will never hurt her. That’s why she’s able to be so sincere with her. This is shown in Nemu’s Tap 8 quote, where she also refers to Touka as trustworthy (Touka has a matching Tap 8 quote, and hers is about how reliable Nemu is for her). This relationship, no matter what it is, is deeply important to both participants.

Finally, to end this glorified rant… I know I used the sun and moon metaphor earlier, but. I would like to borrow the words of Nemu in one of my fics: “It’s silent at night. Touka stays up with her telescope, I stay up reading nearby. We are stardust brought to life. A quiet place, just for us. The gentlest fire in us, like binary stars.” (I’m sorry but the binary stars comparison is too good not to mention). Their connection was there before the Magius, and after everything they went through, their lives became irreversibly bound, intertwined beyond the understanding of quite literally anyone else. They practically always speak in plural, the time they spend together has been on the rise, and at the time of writing? To avoid spoiling Arc 2 Chapter 12, I won’t go into specifics, but the relationship has reached a beautiful point that I will froth at the mouth about eventually.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the Nemu essay, I went slightly more feral this time so apologies for that. I’ll see how soon the hospital era essay can be thrown into the wild. Nishi out!

[just-a-carrot]

Yk what now that I think about it I’m kinda sad we never got to see Arc 5 Orlam interact with Arc 5 Jerry. I mean ig we kinda get a close approximation in Orlam’s route in ofw but yeah, I’m wondering how Orlam would react to Jerry showing up with everyone else to his not-so-humble abode in arc 5.

Bonus question if you feel like answering: how would things go down if Cecil managed to get through to Gidget without dying?

Ofc, I am aware both their deaths were necessary for narrative storytelling and impact, this is mostly just a hypothetical im curious about

I feel like Orlam would be very blase about it, given he's already completely blase about everyone else's arrivals as well?? Like he would make maybe an extra comment or two in Jerry's direction referencing his little "play army" or something but I don't think overall he'd be that different. On Jerry's side, I could see him trying to hold his cool for a while but over time getting more and more irate until the side of Jerry we see in OFW starts to come out

I could not tell you if this would actually change anything though lol. that's a bit too much for me to try and imagine a whole convoluted hypothetical 😂 probably not much would change in the grand scheme of things tho I'll be honest

as for Cecil I'm also not sure I'll be frank... like I just don't know if Gidget would even have their breakdown if Cecil doesn't die because that's part of the whole... point... so even trying to think about it always just makes my brain default to Gidget not joining them then or something 😂 hypotheticals like this are very hard for me I'll be real 💦 I feel like other ppl would be able to come up with much better ideas because my brain is still too stuck on what actually happens to think through other possibilities 🤔💦

[yuri-is-online]

Dark knight is the most romantic job, huh? Maybe you should elaborate 👀

Oh well if I must~

notes: contains spoilers (very vague but yk still there) for the Dark Knight job quests, Shadowbringers role quests etc. Please play critically acclaimed mmrpg Final Fantasy XIV (now on xbox) with a free trial I am so normal about it and I promise you will be too. I need someone to grind gemstones with next expansion it only makes you want to die a little I swear.

I want to start by bringing something up I don't see discussed a lot (if at all) in discussion of the Dark Knight questline, and that is the background music used. When dramatic or poignant moments occur in other questlines, even the other two that were introduced in Heavesnward (machinist and astrologian), the cutscenes stick to the default/expansion appropriate sad music. This doesn't happen in the DRK questline though, instead the sound designers chose to play Dragonsong during what are some of the most emotionally charged moments in the whole game, and generally stick to the Heavesnward background music even through the Stormblood cut-scenes. The choice of Dragonsong is really what makes me think of the job as "romantic" more than anything; the song is in a lamentation of lost love and trust between dragon and man certainly, but you could also apply some of those lyrics to the separation between the Unsundered and the Warrior of Light, or the separation between the warrior's darker half and their willingness to shoulder their duty.

This musical choice becomes especially clear when you speak to Count Edmont at the end of the Stormblood job quests, as a very specific part of the song begins to play as the Warrior of Light is asked to reflect on what could have possibly caused their heart to break and crack their jobstone:

Not that I point this out to suggest it's cannon the Warrior had romantic feelings for any one person in particular, but to hammer home exactly what the Moogles try to tell you:

Dark Knights get their power from their love; that ugly, hard work, painful, your heart is trapped in a rib cage desperate to leave type of bleeding love that is desperate for somewhere to go and doesn't have it anymore.

"Love is grief with nowhere to go." Is a quote that can more or less apply to every Dark Knight we are introduced to in game. Fray is literally dead, we never truly meet him at all, Sidurgu had already lost his whole tribe only to then lose Fray and their master, Granson lost his wife, and Emet Selch... well what hadn't he lost? And they are all angry, burdened by their grief, and desperate for somewhere to put their love because the people they want to give it to are gone.

idk I just think the concept of taking your love for your fellow travelers and using it as a focus to overcome the worst parts of yourself (from your doubts to your anger and resentment) so you can use all of those emotions as fuel to protect them, even from themselves is just so romantic to me. You don't have to be happy about it to do the right thing, and you don't need to be nice to be good. Love isn't always cute, sometimes it is very ugly and raw and I love when stories play with that.

So yeah. The most romantic job. I could get more specific but it has been a long time since I played through these quests ;-; I should fix that

[leatherbookmark]

so a v fun thing about being anxious

about having potentially hurt others is that like. when i was a kid no one's really went -- fuck, yknow what, when i was a kid no one even SHOULD have gone "i'm upset because you did X" at me because i was a fucking kid. i was stupid, i didn't know shit. this didn't stop my mother from making her displeasure with whatever i've done glaringly obvious, with her loud sighs and cold silence and the handful of seconds that passed slow as molasses every time i'd say sorry and hug her, and only after those several seconds she'd hug me back, as though she was letting me know just how much i hurt her and how reluctant she was to forgive me.

(which, by the way, she passed on to me. whenever someone hugs me as an apology, i need a moment to hug them back. and it's not because i don't like physical contact, i'm touch-starved as fuck. i hate it so much.)

the fun thing about being constantly on watch for the signs of having hurt someone who's Not Willing To Even Talk About It, Because They Have Given Up, And Also, You Should Know Better, is that you can't just turn it off. i can't go "oh yeah, from now on i'll just ignore this".

and also like. my mother practices this form of emotional economics in which she neatly catalogues every little thing i do that could potentially be brought up as something that hurt her, but is blind as a mole to the signs that i am hurt. and also, it appears that i've had a resting bitch face ever since i was a baby, because whenever someone came up to me like "you seem upset", it was never "has something happened, and can we fix it", but rather "why are you being huffy, can't you see it's ruining the vibe".

and so. in result. i have no, idk, guidebook on others perceiving me and my emotional states. because the default is just being ignored or misinterpreted and attacked. and so. is this person acting like they don't notice my (in my eyes) very obvious distress just... not an expert in my body language? are they ignoring me on purpose to teach me a lesson? how do i express myself in the first place so that i appear human, and not "dramatic" and "attention-whorish"? what's the socially accepted way of being sad enough that your friends/loved ones/if apply notice and go "hey, you seem sad, wanna talk about it?", but not enough that it's obnoxious? etc, etc

on top of that my mother's side of the family loves this thing where they say something is totally fine (but it actually isn't), or do something for themselves (but actually it was all for me), which is like. not only am i not worth talking to, like, seriously, not only are people prone to hiding their discomfort from me, but also i'm somehow this kind of person that people make sacrifices for, who then doesn't appreciate them properly.

so even if i really try to switch my anxiety off and ask someone if there's something i've done, and they say no, i... can't trust them, can i. every single time people say it's fine, or are nice to me, or compliment me, how can i be sure that they're not just being nice because they're nice to everyone? or that they're forcing themselves to tolerate me, because they're good people?

logically, it seems far-fetched that everyone would just pretend to tolerate/like me while secretly hating me/harbouring grudges, but it didn't... stop... my mother....

[stranger-rants]

Something about aus where Billy is adopted and taken in by Hopper that I've considered that can be both funny and wholesome/kinda sad in my head (although the funny could just be because I grew up watching comedy shows and therefore default to that train of thought whenever I have feelings) is that Hopper might see himself in Billy in a way. Like, when he was younger. We don't know a lot about Hopper's childhood but we can infer some stuff from what we do, and that is that Jim's dad was kind of an asshole that Jim went to the army for in an attempt to make him proud, and even now that man has a lot of anger issues and lashes out at times with him starting the show sleeping around and drowning himself in drugs and alcohol to cope with the stuff that's happened to him in his life.

With that being said, I would not be surprised if Hopper was actually a lot like Billy when he was around his age, though not quite as self-destructive, or maybe he was, who knows. But he had people to pull himself out of it and be there for, even if he's still a little surprised he didn't end up dead in a ditch somewhere. And he sees Billy, who at first he'd thought of as a nuisance but as time went on, he sees himself and how he might’ve ended up if he hadn't had someone to lean on, and the kid's clearly not all bad, he's just as Jim had been at that age: a little lost, and a lot fucked up. So when he has the chance to take him under his wing, he does.

But if some days don't make him ask the lord if Billy is payback for all the crap he did back then.

In my experience, that’s usually how parental / mentor roles work best? Any student I ever had who gave me a hard time was usually like me when I was younger in some way. At times I feel like it’s karma, but because I understand them they end up respecting me more and trusting me to support them. They may have started the year unwilling to talk to me, but by now they ask me for help on assignments. I think something similar would happen between Hopper and Billy if given the chance. Billy with his uncontrollable mouth would piss him off, but Hopper would also not just take it and/or ignore it either. Billy would be surprised that he can push his buttons, and he’s going to get angry and upset but he’s not going to hit him or call him a slur or lock him in his room. Hopper thinks he doesn’t know what he’s doing as a pseudo parent and he gets frustrated that he’s failing at it, but then Billy actually asks him for help and opens up to him which when it happens is a shock to him.

[wildskissed]

in light of it being mother's day, are eve and gale parents?? if so, what kind of parents are they?? what are their kids like??

Awwww, thank you, Nonnie, I love this. Also I can't help but wonder if you're someone I talk to on Discord who knows about my Eve & Gale Sims, but I digress...

So, I know the galemancers are divided on this issue, but no matter. Nowhere in game does it actually give us concretely whether or not Gale wants kids, but that's on purpose. We're left to draw our own conclusions because it's that kind of game, and so this man who says he isn't sure he's father material, and wants to come back to this after the tadpoles, could easily change his mind or stick to this.

Personally, I have always headcanoned that the Netherese orb messed his entire body up. Gale thinks on top of all of this that he is infertile, so he doesn't want a lover to get their hopes up (actually I have an unpublished one-shot in the works about this too). Because of this, when I made Eve & Gale as Sims, I messed with their fertility to make it low because Eve is an elf and her fertility is low by default. I also have them on high autonomy, so they choose to do a LOT of stuff on their own--I like my Sims chaotic--and Eve being a 'family oriented' Sim, kept getting sad moodlets every single time she took a pregnancy test and it was negative. Then Gale, in true Gale fashion, actually, would get his own sad moodlets because his wife was sad, and started on his own, offering to try for a baby after they'd discuss her sad mood. Yay for high autonomy chaos.

Now, it did make me think about Eve and Gale post!Baldur's Gate, and how I still very much believe that there's a nagging in the back of his head that he can't have kids due to his own folly in the first place, and I absolutely see Morena and Tara bugging them about kids. I think that would put him in probably a negative head space because it's an expected thing and he can't even 'do that properly'. Eve also would love to have kids, but she's okay without them too, so I kind of see them foregoing birth control because neither of them actually thinks that it's going to happen, but they don't want to close the door on it completely. Eve's over 200, Gale's been through so much, and so they have comfortably settled in Waterdeep, and have decided to leave it in Fate's hands. Gale's a professor, Eve owns a flower shop in the city, they have her pegasi to take of at the edge of the city in their own little home away from home cabin in the forest, and they love their lives.

In comes a miracle pregnancy as you will to catch them off guard though.

Why? Because I do see them being parents, and I do feel like they'd be great parents, and I do think they would be happy about it, but also stressed. They put themselves into this mindset, and were just so convinced it wasn't a thing, and then suddenly Eve's pregnant, and they have a whole year (look, elven pregnancies are long but no one wants to agree on the exact length) to get used to the idea, and by the time Serenity comes into the picture they're just elated. She's all fiery red hair like her mother, and deep brown eyes like her father, and absolutely will be a sorcerer that prolly summons things just like her parents--a little bit of payback for what they put their own parents through as kids.

They are both doting parents, and I see Gale sometimes bringing Serenity to work in a carrier on his front, and I see Eve doing the same at the shop. The two teach her magic, and they love her to pieces, and given that elves don't have many kids because their fertility gets lower with every kid, and because I think Gale has low fertility too, I do think she's probably their only kid, but maybe they could have a son like 6 or 7 years later. I just think Serenity would be their pride and joy, and that they'd feel pleasantly surprised and rewarded that they get to experience yet another adventure together. Eve is probably the stricter parent, but I think they'd have a little know-it-all with manners and proper etiquette. Gale is absolutely a girl!dad so just let me have this, okay??

Also, the pregnancy in Sims caught me off guard too but look at this cutie!:

Serenity Dekarios in all her glory

[almea]

I've got random 2.2 thoughts because I had such a good time with it.

I'm so glad I didn't try to power through the rest of the story before going to sleep last night because the boss fight was so hype that I don't know if I would have been able to fall asleep after it. I will never get over slamming the Express into the boss, and Stelle looks SO PRETTY in the animation when you use it. I loved Robin and the rest of the crew having a line the first five times you activate it. Himeko's line fucking took me out. Hoyo… truly knows what my weaknesses are.

I heard you still have the Express's help in the Echo of War version of the fight but you don't get the animation of Stelle and Clockie summoning it and that's just. A crime. I'm pretty sure they still show Dan Heng in the Echo of War Phantylia fight, so why don't we get Stelle and Clockie? Like, I guess??? It could be weird if you're using Destruction or Preservation Stelle in the fight and then it's the Harmony version in the animation, but it would be the same situation as using 4 star Dan Heng against Phantylia. I'm just so sad I'll never get to see it again in the game.

I loved the whole part where Stelle's trapped in the Order's dream because I was just like. What is happening? This is feels so abrupt and I'm so disoriented and, bitch, I know the boss has two more phases and there were cutscenes in the trailer that still haven't happened yet. And then as soon as Topaz was like "Everyone has agreed to work together to help Penacony" I was like. Yeah. No. This is 100% a dream lmao.

I think it's incredibly sweet that Stelle's dream was a world where everyone would work together and be happy though.

Also, I don't know if this was just an audio glitch, but when I went back to the train, the music was reset to the default song, so I was like. Um???

When Black Swan said the card she gave Stelle was an empty light cone, there was a moment where I thought she would use it make a light cone using Stelle's memories and I was so disappointed that didn't happen. I really want a light cone with Stelle in it one day...

Harmony Stelle's animations are so good, I'm in love with her. There's so much personality and sass to them!! I'm surprised Stelle and Caelus's ultimate animations are almost exactly the same except for one part because their other ultimate animations look very different from each other while conveying the same thing. It's probably my bias speaking, but I feel like, aside from that really cool knee slide only Caelus has, the rest of the dance looks like it was animated a little more with Stelle in mind than Caelus.

I love Harmony Stelle so much that I'm going to start building break DPSs for her. And Ruan Mei lmao. I've been sitting on Ruan Mei for ages as I farmed relics for other characters. I was already planning to build Xueyi eventually because I used a trial version in one of the combat events and she was very fun and now I have another reason to do it.

I'm thrilled that Stelle got to talk and say cool shit in the cutscenes. I love her and she's so precious and I love that she gets to be cool!!! I always want Stelle to talk more.

Dan Heng's interactions with Boothill are so funny. He's just like. I don't want this man to ever speak for the rest of his life, I will murder him if he claims to be a Nameless again.

I was like. This close to crying when Dan Heng said his companions are once-in-a-lifetime treasures. My fucking heart, man.

All the Nameless stuff makes me so emotional and I'm not even entirely sure why. There's something about the way they present it that always has me dead on the ground. Like, the fact that the Astral Express has been around for so, so, so much longer than the current crew and they will continue to visit worlds that were visited and loved by their predecessors. The way the Nameless who left the Express still held it so close to their hearts. I love the reverence they have for the past Nameless. Stelle kneeling in front Mikhail after she received his hat was so beautiful.

I cried over Misha getting his memories back, and how only the other trailblazers were able to see him. The 2.0 explanation that only honest people with childlike innocence could see Clockie was very funny and I had thought it was a Stellaron thing since Stelle being able to see weird things related to Stellarons is an established thing, but the fact it's actually that you need to share the same spirit of trailblazing that Mikhail had is so uggggghhhhh.

Acheron finding Tiernan and helping him find peace and move on was soooo sweet. Now that we very concretely know the final fates of two of the three Nameless that stayed on Penacony, I'm curious whether we'll eventually get a more concrete ending for Razalina since I think her fate was still a little ambiguous.

I fucking LOVE bookends, so Acheron repeating what she told Stelle during their first meeting being one of the last things that happened in 2.2 and asking her the same questions she asked at the beginning... Those were personal attacks on me.

I'm still not 100% clear on the meaning behind Acheron's red text. I know it's related to red being the colour of existence (I think that's what she said) but I don't know what it's supposed to mean in the context of the red text. My first thought was that the red text is her breaking through the Order's dream's influence, but I don't remember if that fits with all her red text. And her red text appears when she's talking to Tiernan too, and I don't think that was part of a dream.

So I really don't know. Maybe her red text isn't that deep and everyone freaked out when they saw it for no reason lmao.

I have no idea what Sparkle was up to. I thought her buttons would do something during the last boss fight, but no? That doesn't seem to be it? I guess the Charmony Festival technically didn't start yet, so it's might be setup for something in 2.3. Either that or it's more of her red herring imagery.

[onwriting-hrarby]

privated works in ao3

dear all,

long time no see! i've been busy at work, at home, writing a lot for myself, and reading even more. but here i am to address what's been happening at @transformativeworks about AI possibly given permission to scrape our fics to learn/train the intelligence.

since they made the newsletter public (two days ago) i am privating all my fics except for liquid confidence. this was not a decision that i just took on the spur of the moment—it had been brewing a lot of time, considering the fear of plagiarism i have, the harassment i had been getting from anonymous commenters, etc. however, i never did until now because i wanted everyone to enjoy it—i, myself, was not an account on ao3 before i started uploading my fic.

however, on light of recent events, i do think there's no way i can leave my works unprivate: the disgusting timing of OTW to inform about this decision (in the middle of the WGA strike, after their donation), the blatant inability of the board to give a profound apologetic statement after the ratio, and the insecurity i have about my fanfics not being "sold" for anything else than the enjoyment of readers have pulled me to this.

back when wattpad announced that they were collaborating with paramount to look for "fictions" to "gather inspiration to bring up new ideas at studios" (i wanted to attach a link to the news, but worringly... the net is clear? yet i did not dream of it) i deleted all my works from wattpad. why? because i didn't want my fictions to be read by some rich higher-ups producers, to be given the idea to some other people to write.

as you know, i want to be a published author. fanfiction allows me to experiment with plots, characters and form before allowing myself to create something more narrative, a fully-fledged work in my native (minorized) language, which is very difficult to publish.

so, most of all, i write for myself. not for readers, not for anyone else: i write and publish fanfiction because i am experimenting. i have been writing 16 years of my life, as a constant thing. i am young. i don't know if i have talent but i do have persistence and crafting. this effort is impossible to replicate in a machine. this passion is impossible for an AI to feel. all of this is what makes me human, and a human writer—the contradiction in between pursuing and achieving, the deception, the sadness, the joy, the excitement: my comments, your comments.

and even though i am human by default—not by permission—what i craft is not.

i do not give my permission to train a machine that is not being regulated in any ways because i fear for a future where jobs, passion, art and what i know and love disappear: we live in such horrible capitalism that i do not see any way in which robots can help people at their jobs without entering this productivity system we're all sucked in. redistribution of richness when ai takes over won't happen—the system is too greedy for that. so, while i acknowledge the good things it has and the potential to change humanity's life for the better, i have seen too many examples of algorithms going wrong, spying on people, taking people as mere products, raging about politicians—effectively changing democracy. far too many right-wing presidents have won presidencies because of the inability (or unwillingness) of tech ceo's to stop getting millions. the largest shop that destroys your neighbour's little corner business is own by one of those ceo's. the platform you used to get informed about feminism is now owned by one of those ceo's, who's putting a female in his stance to clear up the shit he's made.

it is not a fair world we live in, so the applications of AI—as of now—can't be fair. so, because AI becomes dangerously misused, i will not be partaking in any form of sharing, contributing, or exalting AI. the possibilities of AI are endless—but the greed is not. going against AI as of now, for me, is standing for the world i have always advocated: one that doesn't turn their back on little crafters, one that acknowledges intelligence, brilliance and difference of opinions in the people who contribute, the freedom of writing what we want—and the freedom to read it.

if @transformativeworks doesn't make clear that our works won't be scraped by AI, i will also be eliminating my account permanently.

i am sorry for any inconvenience. my works will be available to those with accounts.

(also: if you're a reader that supports AI because you want your fanfictions to be delivered to you at the speed of light, just like you want it, good luck to you. i hope all your favourite works get taken down and you drown in the little, pea-sized, influenced brain you have.)

—hera

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Mods thoughts on latest DB?

//I'm not gonna make a habit of this because Death Battle, while it is trending with me right now, is not my main focus with this blog, so while I might do this with this episode and the next episode, I'm probably gonna halt it there.

//Anyway, Rick Vs The Doctor.

//Really good! Not amazing though, but still fitting in well with the trend of really good fights and by no means a disappointment.

//If I have any complaints about it, it's with the analysis, the death, and a few minor plot holes with Rick. The analysis really sold Rick more than the Doctor, and for a while I really thought Rick had it in the bag, even though I was fairly sure from the outset that the Doctor would win.

//Rick's Death made sense, but it was still pretty lame. Especially by the standards of Rick and Morty where there's no real filter to how disgusting the deaths can get, but Rick kind of just dissipates into space. The ending is pretty funny and honestly a little sad though.

//The part that made the least amount of sense to me though is that Rick let his guard down and kind of let the Doctor regenerate. While I wouldn't go so far as to call it character assassination, Rick evidently showed in the fight he was at least aware of who the Doctor was. He referred to him by his species race at the beginning of the fight and shot him in both his hearts at the climax, proving that he KNOWS how the Doctor's species functions, yet he didn't immediately try to stop the regeneration. Not enough to make the fight bad but...easily the most nonsensical part about it.

//Best part of the fight was the narrative and sequence of the fight, which was a big reason why Courage and Scooby's fight was so good to me, though that one still did it a tad better. I like how Rick and the Doctor banter off each other, and I think they did both characters some decent justice. Voice acting was pretty good too, especially the Doctors.

//Now...Goku Vs Superman 3...

//Let's be real, we WERE warned that this was going to be controversial. There are a few reasons why I'm really annoyed, and surprisingly, it's not for the reasons you'd expect. ]

//This is not only the third time these two have fought on Death Battle, and the two have a pretty poor track history on the channel for their previous two episodes. The reason I'M frustrated personally isn't because of this.

//I love this season of DB especially, especially the last 7 or so fights, in fact, it might be my favorite season of the show EVER. But my biggest issue with the season and what I find really stupid about it is that, now with Goku and Superman, 4 of the fights so far have been DC characters, 4 of the fights have been Marvel characters, and 3 of those fights have been Marvel Vs DC.

//I REALLY just want them to do something else and stop wasting slots to characters they use CONSTANTLY.

//And also, in the second video they straight up, said that Goku’s ride or die on his potential, but Superman‘s power is limitless by default, so I think even with what's been happening with Goku and the new power he's unlocked, Superman will STILL stomp him.

//But...I have to admit...Aside from everything I've just listed, I'm not COMPLETELY opposed to the matchup.

//The biggest issue with Goku and Superman on Death Battle is that their episodes have not aged well, or sit on the throne of the most controversial and disliked episodes of all time.

//That being said, it’s been around a decade since their second match and both characters have made a lot more appearances, and Goku especially has a new peak with Super Saiyan Blue and Ultra Instinct.

//And what matters to me most is that they A) Present both Goku and Superman in a respectful way and really detail their capabilities, and B) Make it at least a decent fight that shows off their capabilities as best as they can. I know it's possible and that the series has come a long way, and to reiterate, the last few episodes, from Bill Vs Discord to Rick Vs Doctor have been the absolute peak of the series for me.

//They CAN do it. And I'm trusting them to knock this one out of the park and redeem both of these characters.

-Mod

[ancientpersacom]

Fuck it, NATM OC

Welcome to a history lesson and my NATM OCs introduction. So way back in the day, museums would have exhibits for mythical creatures and claim they’re real. It was a big thing to have a ‘real’ ‘newly discovered’ creature. And there’s still some of those old exhibits out there today. Which made me think, the museum would have some of them, in storage maybe or maybe on display in whatever section of the museum that creatures mythology is from. So inspired by all these old totally real exhibits

I give you Nautica.

They’re an old wax statue from the ‘real mermaid found’ hay day in the 1800s. They currently are on display in the Ancient Greek section in a little corner that talks about mythology of the era. They were given to the museum when an even older one went out of business, and that scar is actually a chip damage from transporting them that never got fixed. When they first came to life because of the tablet they were throughly confused as to why the hell they weren’t in the ocean, and kinda just flopped around trying to find a way out of the exhibit. Now they get around with a wheelchair the museum keeps in case of emergencies. They’re an adult although ageless, have the consciousness as if they were a real Ancient Greek siren and child of the gods. They think gender is a human thing so they just default to gender neutral language.

Bonus facts:

Often found in the ocean life exhibit longing to go back to the sea

Responsible for the haunting singing you hear down the halls

Loves shinies

Wishes they could have Ahkmenrah’s Whesek because it’s SO SHINY. Even though that’ll never happen. (Low key has a crush on him too, who doesn’t)

On particularly hot days and if Larry allows it, they get to splash around in a blow up pool.

Octavius is skeptical of them because the Roman’s were very weary of sirens, since ya know they drown sailors in Greco-Roman myth.

Jed however, thinks they’re lit. Will sail around in a toy boat in the blow up pool with them.

Talks to the fish in the ocean exhibit, knows all their names.

Scoffs at the Fiji mermaid, calling it an offensive hoax because no siren looks like that

Knows every sea shanty in the book

If the wheelchair is missing, it takes three people to carry them because their tail is so long

Doesn’t like dexter, he steals their shinies

Can be trusted to look after the tablet because it’s one big shiny, and Nautica is VERY protective of treasures

Makes “I’ll drown you” jokes.

Is rather cheery around everyone, but is sad when alone because they miss the ocean and being able to swim freely.

I think mythical creature exhibits have a lot of potential in the NATM universe so y’all know I had to make one.

[clockworksteel]

I've been realizing lately that I never developed a style of my own. This is kinda tangentially related to gender, I guess?

The earliest event that kicked off this line of thought was when a friend of mine mentioned sometimes they do silly tier lists with another friend, with one example being sorting characters by who was the "most gender", in the tumblr sense. I later had the thought, "I am not very gender". Then there was a segment of video of a recent Jammidodger video in which he talks about how many people find their own style as they grow up (https://youtu.be/H_CLQEIm1CA?t=192 for the full context, or https://youtu.be/H_CLQEIm1CA?t=242 to skip to the most relevant part), and also a recent tumblr post I saw that was like, "What are you wearing now and does it fit your style?" And, like, I was in sweat pants and a T-shirt since that's all I ever wear, but... I'm not sure I ever really picked it so much as I've been going with it as a good-enough default ever since I was, like, 6.

Now, some of that might just be that I genuinely have a rather plain style, but I also didn't really have an experimentation phase. I probably would have been concerned about my parents' judgements if I thought about truly making my own style decisions, I don’t think that line of thought even happened because it more of a subtle thing where the points to make decisions just didn't happen besides deciding what to pull out of the drawer or closet.

I actually still get given a lot of T-shirts, which makes it kinda difficult to justify buying many tops on my own. My mom likes to pick out "funny" ones for Christmas and birthdays, usually 2 per gift-giving event. Of course, some of those aren't great, since about some of the humor on them is self-depreciating, which is a bit weird as a gift. Like, sure, I guess I'll ironically wear the one that says "Exercise? I thought you said extra lives" while exercising. I think I'd prefer just getting another couple solid color shirts a year.

That said, at least I had very occasionally bought my own T-shirts a couple times prior to moving out from my parents' house. The rest of my clothing while I lived with my parents was entirely what they decided I should have. I guess I must have expressed some sort of comfort preferences at some point, since I have a vague memory of being told I didn't like jeans and it sounded right, but that sort of thing would've been about it as far as choosing most of my clothes.

Then my haircuts were just... sometimes my mom decided it was time for a haircut and then she'd cut it how she thought it should be. It would be left a little longer in the winter. I never really learned the names of hairstyles. After moving out I bought hair clippers to keep doing it how I was used to it, but I think it may be less that I like it like that and more that I'm keeping it how my mom expects it. I was a little sad to cut my hair this morning: it was just getting long enough to do something with. My mom did make fun of my hair last visit though as mentioned in the previous post, and I'm visiting again this weekend.

And my lack of style doesn't end with my personal appearance.

When I was younger, I wasn't supposed to put anything on the walls, since it could damage the paint. When I moved into the bedroom that had one burlap-covered wall I could put push-pins in it and did hang up some things: a couple posters and some paper snowflakes. Still, I never learned to decorate normal walls. And so in the 6 years I've been in my current house, the only wall decoration is a white board calendar.

I'm not really sure why, but I haven't changed my phone background from the default in my almost 4 years of having my current one. My desktop computer does have a background I set, but I haven't changed it in almost a year (I set it when Nintendo sent me some for my birthday last year). Before that it was just a solid color.

Even in games I tend not to focus on appearance that much, except for a couple times I've gotten to do dress-up in the couple of Pokemon games that actually had a good variety of clothes. I absolutely blitz through most character creators compared to a lot of people I know, it feels like.

I guess until I figure out whether my pervasive plainness is genuinely me, it's hard to conclude anything. I've had idle thoughts related to this about how maybe it would be good to consider an agender identity, but I don't even know where to begin with that, since the lack of rules when it comes to gender makes it hard to think about directly. I'd still have to decide what I look like physically anyway as well.

[coffee-milky-way]

☕️ ‘xcuse me about to go feral :) ☕️

rant warning ahead : TW for racism, just general anger, TW FOR DEATH MENTION AT THE END.

☕️ ====================== ☕️

Alright so throwback to my obey me post about the artists just, not being able to get Simeon, Mammon, or Diavolo’s skin tone right sometimes.

But now apply it to cookie run specifically kingdom since that’s what i know more about because it’s the one i had.

Why is it when I see some people draw espresso cookie they make him this ashy pale brownish color-?? It happens quite often and then sometimes people draw Latte so pale I have to do a double take. I get that this may be in part because the cookies have “no specific race” but why the fuck would you not just color drop the ones who have pretty down pack skin tones? Some people would throw a hissy fit if I drew Cream Puff to be of color but then y’all make Purple Yam white as a board and still give him locs? Fuck is wrong with y’all. Its infuriating. Like if a cookie’s skin tone seems off or is just an unnatural color, do a value test and try to match that way or maybe even just slightly adjust it so it’s more natural? It’s a problem within multiple fandoms so I don’t mean to attack anyone in specific. CRK is just the fandom I was in where it was worse [ like y’all had Obey Me BEAT MAN 😭 ]

Like I get that there’s a lot of things to consider when drawing more inhuman characters as humans [ because racial coding do be a thing and that can majorly affect how you interpret things ] but there’s a difference between racial coding and characters with poc features. Just try to stay educated and actually think instead of defaulting to paler skin. I think it’s important that to better yourself as an artist you should try to learn and draw everyone if you focus on people. Experiment with body types, skin tones, different features, the whole shabam!! You make a difference with your art, and you could help provide representation for people who just don’t have that opportunity.

It’s just tiring to see people give so many excuses as to why they can’t too? Like skin tones out of the way since I feel deadass that should be the easiest thing to manage [ as there’s MULTIPLE and I mean MULTIPLE skin tone charts if you’re really confused ] but people often say that they just cant draw POC features and I think that’s sad. There’s multiple guides out there on how to draw POC features so someone saying that they cant seems careless almost. If you don’t feel like it looks right, there are people willing to help you learn how to draw POC features. As i said there’s guides out there, you can use realistic references to do studies, hell as long as you aren’t drawing shit that’s the equivalent of blackface or so blatantly not trying I think you’re good!

TL;DR : I’m upset because fanartists typically butcher tanned / darker skinned characters and I feel like it relates to how people don’t really seem to try or want to learn how to draw POC people and characters even though it’s heavily important on the representation in media.

* AGAIN SLIGHT TRIGGER WARNING FOR DEATH

☕️ I will shortly edit in another post with the skin tone charts and a few explanations. This has probably been done but I’m just a little upset because that grayish brown skin tone * [ especially if it’s a gray blueish brown. ] does exist, but it also makes a normally POC character look dead because that’s usually the color a dead body has. It’s a very lifeless tone and generally as i said used for characters who are way darker and have a more lively skin tone than that!!

☕️ UPDATE HERE IS THE POST :

[socratesthebuilder]

Chosen Family

She never had dreams before, not ones that weren’t nightmares. So, once she fell asleep and found herself in an infinitely, long stretch of nothing but grass, it was shocking. 

Was that it? Was she finally, for once, free of nightmares? No more running away from a distorted version of her friends, not reliving the pains of the past, not seeing them crumble into dust in front of her. Was it finally gonna be a good night’s sleep for once?

…

“So? You’re… ‘Amethyst’, now are you?” A voice echoed, completely unfamiliar and yet so real. 

Swerving her head around, she stared at the figure in front of her, skin just slightly paler than hers, bushy brown hair and beard, teal shirt, and brown pants. And what pulled her attention instantly? His eyes. White as snow and completely flat. 

Like hers. 

“Who are you?”

“Ah, I’m shocked you don’t know.” He smirked, voice calm and gentle, snapping his fingers and making some chairs. “You’ve been reading a lot about gods lately, haven’t you?”

Her body went cold, staring at the entity in front of her. “You’re… A god?”

“In this world, I suppose I am! Funny though, in ours I wasn’t.” 

Her fear didn’t get any better. It got infinitely worse. “You’re… From my world…?” 

Looking at her, now realizing how terrified she was, he coughed. “Err… Yes… I… Well-” 

Her thoughts repeated as she turned around, running through the infinite field. “wake up. Wake up. Wake up. WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP-!!”

“HEY!!” The man caught up to her, grabbing her by the shoulders. “Hold up, kid! I’m not gonna hurt ya! I promise!”

“AND WHY WOULD I BELIEVE YOU?! WHERE DID YOU BRING ME?! WHERE’S ISAYA?!”

“WOAH THERE-!” He dodged every single blow as she tried to hit him. “KID! Okay! Okay! Here!” He projected an image, of Amethyst sleeping in her bed, with Isaya cuddled up next to her. The face of the hero was tense, yet, there she was still asleep. “See? You’re there, she’s there! You’re safe! And everything’s good!”

Amethyst still stepped back, turning to the man in front of her once more. “What do you want with me?”

With a heavy sigh, the white-eyed brought the chairs back, together with a fireplace and some meat. “That… That might shock you a little…”

Frowning, Amethyst stares into the other, sitting down as well. Her body was fine, so she was also in theory fine.

The man put some meat into the fire, watching it carefully as they cooked. “So… Do you… Remember anything about your mother?” 

Amethyst was shocked at the question, no one from her old world cared about her mother. Her biological mother at least, because once Lazuli was caught talking to her in the human tongue, she was instantly taken. “Which one?”

“Your biological one.”

“No… I don’t. She died the day I was born.” That seemed to pull some sadness from the man in front of her, some anger as well, she was able to tell quite clearly. “I think I got a glimpse at a picture of her, one day… She had braids… And I liked braids since then but no one would really do them on me… Not there anyways.”

Her narration made the man red with anger, but he sighed, turning back to her with softened eyes. “Aaand… Did anyone tell you about your dad?”

“No… Neither have I ever seen him. No one would tell me.” She stated, not even the “nicer” people there wouldn’t mention her father. 

“Well… What would you say… If I knew him?”

“You can tell him he’s an asshole.” 

That seemed to stun the man. “You know, fair. I suppose… But- If- I told you he ALWAYS! So BADLY! Wanted to know what happened to your mother… And you, by default?”

She watched him suspiciously, there was something, clearly, he was refusing to say or walking around. One thing she suspected, yet didn’t want to believe. “I suppose I have no reason to believe you.” Again, the man seemed wounded, which made her ache for some reason. “But say I do, why would he never even have TRIED to get me? Take me away from that awful place?!”

The man turned somber at her aggression, picking some of the beef that was cooked through. “Maybe… Maybe because they locked him out…” He paused and Amethyst kept quiet, waiting for him to continue. “You know… How here in the legend, they keep Herobrine locked in the Nether? Well… Something… A similar thing happened to your dad… He was always causing trouble to those crazy motherfuckers in white… So, he was gonna take matters into his own hands… But before he could, they just… Tossed him.”

“Tossed?”

“They… Locked him out of that world… And only didn’t do anything to your mother because they wanted to see what would happen. To both of you.” His eyes became intense as he bit down on the steak, ripping a piece off with his sharp teeth, another similarity. “And… He didn’t know you were born until he finally managed to break the code and get back. And he saw you… Or at least, the picture of you… And then he found your mother…”

“My… Mother was… alive?”

“Who do you think you got your ‘respawn’ ability from? And… She is still alive. Has been for the past 25 years!” He sounded, munching down some more on the stake. “And she’s been worried sick about you…” 

Swallowing dry, still trying to refuse the image of a mother, wailing every day for a daughter she’s never gotten to hold. Still, trying to convince herself this man was a liar. 

“And your dad tried to find you, SO HARD! For the past five years… After FINALLY getting back and finding himself at your mother’s doorstep.” There were tears in his eyes, his voice became choked up. “And she was just as beautiful as the last time he’d seen her, just a few months before you were born…” 

Amethyst got teary-eyed, imagining it. “What… What does she look like…?”

“She has your hair, very, very, very curly… She hasn’t worn braids in forever since you were born… Your nose looks like hers too, and your face? All her… I guess from me you only got my eyes-” He covered his mouth, accidentally revealing what she imagined the truth to be. “I… Yeah… I was gonna make it more… You know?”

She was too shocked to speak, watching the man before her. He noticed, sighing heavily. 

“Look- I know this is a lot to take in, I won’t blame you- I would never blame you. I know… I know you were fed lies throughout the entirety of the time you spent there and you didn’t know any better! And most of everything, I just want you to know that I’m really, really sorry for not being here before!” He puts more meat on the fire, nervously, shaky. “When I found out… When WE found out… The entire place was leveled like that…”

“Leveled?”

He stared at her, shocked, almost more than her. “The… The lab… It does not exist anymore… The entire chunk just… Disappeared. All the structures, everything… I thought you knew…” 

“And… All those people? Those horrible people?” 

“All gone. Dead. Maybe walking around as ghosts. But no, completely gone… Together with most traces of what was going on.” Amethyst held a hand over her mouth, heart pounding in her chest. 

“All of them are dead… I killed them… I set everything off… it worked…” But then she stopped. “It can’t be true.”

“How… How do I know… You’re telling the truth…?” She glared at him again, doubt, fear and something close to hatred piercing through her flat blue eyes. “How do I know you’re not lying and trying to manipulate me to get me to go back?! Just to restart that nightmare?!”

The man’s eyes saddened, reaching his hand out, he produced a piece of paper. There was an image of the man in front of her, sitting at a bench under a cherry blossom tree, with a braided-haired woman sitting next to him and leaning on his shoulder with a loving smile, the points of her braids weaved with purple ribbons. She was the woman. She was the woman who she knew was her mother. Carefully touching the picture, as if she could feel what her mother’s skin felt like, she teared up again. 

He could still be lying. He could. That could be fake. But… She didn’t believe it was. 

“So… You’re… Y-... You’re my…” 

He nodded, one tear escaping his eye. “I’m your dad… yeah!”

She got up, he got up as well. They even held their postures similarly, their eyes staring into each other’s. The dreamscape was clear enough so she could see every detail of him as if it was reality. She approached the other slowly, who approached back, uncertainty to both of them. Her father opened his arms, an awkward and hopeful smile on his face. 

She gave in, tackling him, wrapping her arms around him so tight. He smelled like wet grass and moss, with a hint of the ocean. He wrapped his arms around her back, hugging her even tighter. In all her 25 years of living, never had she thought a moment like that, even in a dream, would happen. 

“Is this… Real? Am I… really, physically hugging you?” 

“You are. I made damn sure of it!” Her father giggled. 

“I’m… I’m Amethyst…” She re-started, nervously. “I like that name, you know?”

“That’s good. That’s real good. I was between Laila and your mom’s Rita!” 

“Oh gods- hehe!” She nuzzled into him. “No offense, I really rather my name.” 

“Honestly? Yeah, I do too!” He giggled. “My name’s Brine. Though… I think you guessed that.”

“Like ‘Herobrine’?” 

“Yeah, tho the ‘Hero’ part is just a nickname. My name’s just Brine.” He chuckled. “How old are you?”

“25 years old, I think. I… I died a lot back in that place, so I don’t know if time passed weird.” He tightened his hug. “Did… Did Lazuli make it? Sh-she was a villager, a librarian… She’s got blue eyes…”

“A plains librarian? With a blue feather on her hat?”

“YES!! THAT’S HER!!” She pushed herself to look her father in the eyes. “Is she okay?!”

“Yeah! I saw her and we traded with her often! She’s a fighter, when she saw me she almost cut my head off!”

Amethyst’s eyes welled with tears, all falling as waterfalls through her face as she buried her face on her father’s chest. 

“Your mom’s gonna be so so happy to know you’re okay!” 

“W- what- what’s-?” She sobbed as she tried to ask. Her father stroked her head, soothing her. “W-what’s her name?”

“Alavara.” He said, such love in his voice, that it was clear it wasn’t a lie. “The kindest woman to ever live. She’s the last of the real ones, you know? She reminds me a lot of you.”

“I’m… I’m glad…” 

They both chuckled, Amethyst sat down again, now asking a berate of questions, wanting to know as much as she possibly could about her parents, about the worlds she didn’t get to see. At the same time, she enjoyed telling her father about everything that happened, all the good and bad. They shed more tears, smiled and laughed, gossiped. They did everything.

“Oh my god- so- so she just sat there?! Like?! Didn’t move or anything?!”

“The woman was too stunned to speak!” Amethyst crossed her arms, completely proud of what happened in the story. “And I would do it again!”

“That’s my girl!!” Brine stated, smiling widely and warmly. “Oh! Your mom will love knowing all of this!”

“Make sure you tell her the details!” 

“Oh! You’re telling her yourself, though! Right? You’re coming with me!” 

Amethyst looked up, confusion stroking her brow. “What do you mean? I… I can’t leave. It took me a command block to get here!”

Brine didn’t seem phased by that, brushing it off with a wave of his hand and a chuckle. “You got my genes! You can definitely just use the right code and bam! You’ll be home with me and your mom!”

She should be happy, excited even, to the idea of meeting her mother, seeing a world she technically never had, to see Lazuli again. But… It didn’t. 

“So? Let’s go?” The man got up, cleaning his hands as if they had gotten dirty. 

“I…” 

“Oh! Your mother is gonna be so happy! I can just see her face! Oh! And maybe you can tell the friend of yours that we’re friends and stop the golems from watching us like hawks!”

“I- I don’t-...”

“OOOOH!!! We can have celebrations every day! For every birthday we missed! There are so many things we need to do!”

“I can’t go.” 

Brine stopped in his thoughts, slowly turning to Amethyst. “What…?”

The hurt in the man’s eyes pierced through her, it ached more than she thought it would, yet less than her worst-case scenario. “I can’t leave this world… Not now… Not tonight…”

“But… Your mother…”

“I… She sounds amazing… She sounds really incredible… But… I don’t really know her… I don’t know you…” 

“But… I thought… You believed me…”

Her heart tore. “I believe you… When you say you’re my father… But… It doesn’t erase the fact I don’t know you… I don’t know her… And… I can’t… go back to that place…” 

She had no idea of what that place looked like now… She had no idea what it would look like once she set foot there again, but one thing the girl was sure was she did not want that. That place, standing or destroyed, would break her if she went there. Brine continued, explaining once again how the facility was gone, how her friend was alive, how her mother was there waiting for her and had been waiting for years. 

Amethyst’s heart broke. “I CAN’T!”

“WHY NOT?!”

“BECAUSE I HAVE A FAMILY HERE NOW!” Brine was stunned. “Quint and Omer are my parents!! I have eight siblings!! I have a girlfriend and people who rely on me!! I can’t go!!” She sighed. “I can’t… I can’t go there again… It hurts to think of that place… And I hear you… I hear you and trust me you could be lying to me I still will call this one of the best moments of my life… But I can’t go…”

Brine was heartbroken. His eyes showed that, how his shoulders slumped as everything that had been going through his mind was crushed. He swallowed the tears that threatened to leave his eyes, turning to Amethyst. 

“Amethyst… I… Don’t know if I’ll be able to come by again… You really went far from home…”

Her heart got tighter to the point of hurting, the decision was almost as painful as that conversation. “I… I can’t… I’m sorry…”

Clearly, the thought of her not accepting didn’t cross his mind. There was so much emotion behind her father’s eyes that she could not tell all of them, not besides sadness. He clenched his fists, an action which made Amethyst shudder and step back, the sight instantly made the man freeze, softening his fist as he covered his mouth and wept even louder, falling to his knees. 

“I’m sorry…” He muttered between sobs. “I’m sorry… I wasn’t here… I should have been there…”

The pain of his voice was so true, Amethyst knelt in front of him, wrapping her arms around him, sobbing on his shoulder. Both crying together again, she knew he was her biological father, she knew he was telling her the truth. If this was truly the last chance she had, she was terrified, heartbroken, whilst still calm. 

“I… I wanted you to come home… I wish… I wish you were coming home…” He sniffed, clearing his nose. “But I get it… I do… I really do…” Amethyst looked up at his eyes, eyes which mirrored hers, only in a different colour. “Are you sure…? Are you really, one thousand percent sure… You don’t want to come with me?”

The crystal-haired haired stared into his eyes, she wanted to say no and rethink, find another way. But then she thought back to the family she had already made, how happy she was to see them every day, and how heartbroken and worried they’d be if she left just like that. And her heart stopped hurting, as she focused on the feeling of her girlfriend hugging her.

“I’m sure… I’m sorry… I’m so so sorry.”

Brine stared at her, smiling softly. “Nah… I don’t blame you one bit… There’s nothing that… Nothing that I wanted more than for you to be happy… And here you are… You have something great going on… And me and your mom… We miss you… But we’d never hurt you by taking you out of this good life you made yourself…”

He kissed her forehead, smiling even softer. 

“I’ll work tirelessly every day… Every day… To come back and hold you again…” 

She smiled back, hugging tight. “If you can find a way, just leave the coordinates of you guys’ place… I’ll find my way myself…” 

Brine smiled and kissed her again, not having the proper words for a goodbye. “I’ll let your mother know you’re doing great, okay?”

Amethyst sobbed, hugging him tighter, her voice disappearing. “Okay.”

“I love you, lil tulip.” She liked that nickname.

“I love you too, dad.”

…

Everything was black, her eyes were closed, she felt a soft hand brushing something wet on her cheeks. She felt herself waking up and she moved closer to the touch.

“Amethyst? Amethyst wake up!” Isaya’s voice rang in the darkness. 

Amethyst’s eyes jolted open, as she jolted on bed, sitting up and coughing, unable to breathe as her nose was completely clogged with guck. Isaya sat up next to her, illuminated only by the moon and stars outside, with the clock on the wall showing it was still the middle of the night. The witch caressed her lover’s back, patting her back softly to help her and passing her some tissues so she could open her airways. 

The human’s mouth felt so dry, her eyes burned with the salty tears. “You were crying during the entire night I think… I woke up just now, just like you.” 

Her girlfriend had nervousness in her eyes, holding her arm gently still, passing her hands on her face. Memories flooded the blue-eyed’s brain of the encounter she just had, she curled up again with one hand on her ears.

“Were you having another nightmare, darling?” Isaya knew of her constant nightmares, one of the many symptoms of her trauma. But this was new, usually Amethyst would have been squirming terribly. Yet, this time, she simply cried so silently that not even her sensitive hearing captured it. “Do you wanna talk about it?” 

The goldstone witch passed her water bottle to her girlfriend. Amethyst drank it all, feeling her throat finally ease enough for her to speak. 

“It… It wasn’t a nightmare…” 

She told her girlfriend about it all and how certain she was that her father found her. She even told her her father’s name. Isaya was shocked, but she couldn’t say she hadn’t suspected something of the sort—at least it was one of the theories she made up but didn’t say out loud. The witch listened attentively, catching every bit and comforting her partner until she was okay to keep going.

“It was so real…”

“It was real…” Isaya held her girlfriend tight as they lay down again. “If you say it was real, it was.” 

They slowly sat together, no more words, just their cuddles onto one another. 

The next day, Amethyst was greeted on her pond by a series of numbers carved onto a sign, numbers she knew to be a code, or something of the sort. She had seen them before in a flash. 

She noted all of them down in a notebook, which she kept on a shelf with the rest of the books in her enchantment room. Isaya knew where to find that; she knew exactly what Amethyst thought it was and agreed. Though, as much as it hurt both of them, neither would tell anyone else of what was found or what happened that evening. 

That’d be a secret they’d carry to their graves.