#even though i've barely even started it
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idc how u feel about me u should at least appreciate the fact that everything im doing in regards to comic is all from ME. i don’t have anyone here working on this with me. which is why it takes so, so long sddfsvghdfhgv
#appreciate my effort even if u idk hate the comic for whatever reason#even though i've barely even started it#we're only just NOW getting into a juicy part.#not that i wouldnt love help. but ppl would expect me to pay them. and im poor. so naur#i dont think so#i frggin SIT HERE. FULLY improvising on mechanical shit in my art. all because i have such a passion to share my comic and my ocs.#no one is making me do this.#theres probably ppl out there that actually dont want me to do it in general hjbsdghv#YET HERE I AM#bc since none of yall can have faith in me i have to have faith in myself >:(#so now im writing my comic for myself with the story i want it to be conveying a GOOD message in the best way i can and avoiding other bad#shit ppl might be assuming im going to put in there and idk! cant you just wait and see??#cant you just put some faith in me here that i'll do better than you keep expecting#but even regardless of how ppl might feel on here i have to do this for myself#its a love letter to myself bc i deserve to make myself feel special ok
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Happy 20 years to the Imperishable Night
#Touhou#Touhou Project#Imperishable Night#Get ready for all the character tags#Eirin Yagokoro#Kaguya Houraisan#Fujiwara no Mokou#Reisen Udongein Inaba#Tewi Inaba#Keine Kamishirasawa#Mystia Lorelei#Wriggle Nightbug#Reimu Hakurei#Marisa Kirisame#Sakuya Izayoi#Youmu Konpaku#Yukari Yakumo#Alice Margatroid#Remilia Scarlet#Yuyuko Saigyouji#(and Ran Yakumo and Chen but theyre barely visible lol)#Just a day late for the anniversary day damn it...#I started on this a bit over two weeks ago#And worked on it almost every day#Though i've had the idea of the composition of this piece for a long time#Specifically Reimu and Marisa in the middle facing off against eachother#And then the hourai immortals at the top with Eirin in the middle and Kaguya and Mokou on either side#I am slightly sorry to Mystia and Wriggle cause i kinda forgot about them and just threw them in where there was room#But yeah i worked real hard on this and even though i have regrets about how i went about it and i think it couldve been better#im just proud i finished it at all
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PRIS GLITTERBELL ✰
the youngest daughter of three, pris' intended role in life was set in stone before she was even born. trained to pickpocket, obfuscate her intentions, and wield a dagger from a young age, at fourteen, she began working for her family as a smuggler. fifteen years later, after a series of betrayals, pris fled the underdark with nothing but the clothes on her back and the coins in her pockets-- only to be snatched up by an illithid ship the moment it seemed like true freedom was finally within her reach.
#baldur's gate#bg3#bg3edit#pris#*#i'm not sure why i've fallen in love with her so hard but i do love her a lot#i've been starting new playthroughs over and over and finally am sticking with this one#and!! i haven't made gifs like this in sooo long or like. really written anything down for my characters either. but i did it for her#even though this barely counts as writing or even a fully formed coherent thought#anyway. she <3
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HEYO!! This is such a fun lil section of the inter-webs :DD !! As a fellow biblically accurate enjoyer, I made a lil gift for you! :3c Enjoy!! :DD
Have a great day/evening! :DD
THANK YOU SO MUCH??? YOUR ART IS SO COOL (´;ω;`) !! AND YOU DRAW THEM SO WELL???
i hope you have a great day too 😭
#submission#my art#i realized while i was drawing this that this pose might be.. confusing to look at. oopsies!#anywayyy THANK YOUUUU!! everyone in this fandom is so nice it's kind of blowing my mind a little bit#i've barely even been here for a month and yet i've got all these people here??? it's so weird to think about#so thank you to everyone for such a warm reception... i've probably said 'thank you' a lot at this point but i've meant it every time#i hope everyone reading this has a good day/night#daycare attendant#sundrop#sunnydrop#i need to start answering these asks with moon... the sun to moon ratio is unbalanced.#sun is just so much more personable though
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okay. hello guys. my bad for not responding to stuff or being as active recently, had a lot of work to be done and other stuff to focus on that took a lot of my time. I wanted to make more art, but I unfortunately had to put that energy into other things (which got to the point where I could not put them off any longer and had to stay working on it). I know I missed a lot of stuff and I'm sorry for it
#unfortunately there are moments where i am forced back into reality#and i remember that i cannot actually spend my life creating and hiding away forever!!! crazy#honestly a lot of it has also been the fact that i am just tired everytime i get home#and my health issues that have been steadily building up#they're really catching up on me and ive been having to visit the clinic more than im happy with#theres just a constant sense of fatigue nowadays#also uh#admittedly my interesting in Alien Stage has been waning#not replaced by any other media in particular. just started focusing on irl life stuff more often#which is why i barely post on shakingparadigm anymore/dont really post anything of substance#its really mostly this alnst oc thing that makes me want to stay because i genuinely enjoy and adore what we've created here#im pretty invested in this even though im not as invested in the source material anymore#not to say i dont like alnst anymore! i still do. i just don't dedicate all my attention to it anymore#which is for the best actually. because admittedly the things and time i have sacrificed for alnst did create a few consequences#sometimes i forget how bad a hyperfixation can fuck me up#again I'm really sorry for everything I've missed#and for being late to apris birthday#and the solauri round#and more#amazing stuff that you guys have made#me bones just dont work like they used to i fear. please give me time#im.sorry again#sorry this post might seem kind of depressing#just dont mind it if you want#thanks for your time#misc#rant#(?)#vent
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after my big bank fiasco (fraud) in the fall while i did reopen an account with that bank i basically stopped using it for anything other than paying my rent & just use my local bank for everything. so considering that i have used that card for ONE (1) thing locally (i checked my history) and to pay my taxes, with NO other entries online (not on my paypal, not on any purchases) tell me WHY i got a text message from this bank this morning telling me there was an attempted "card not present" purchase from BOSCOVS (fraud) and three notifications that my card was locked even though when i went to check it was unlocked. where the fuck did they even get the number! i got so tired of fraud with this bank that i'm just not even using it and they're still trying to buy stuff with my money?? did they get it from the IRS!!?? can you people fucking get your act together? over the years i've had to replace my card like four times because of fraud with this bank, not to mention having to make a whole new fucking account for the same reason. this is unbelievable
#stop trying to take my money i dont even HAVE any!!#i really can't believe i'm STILL getting fraud activity with a new account and new card i've barely even USED its insane#even though i only started using my local bank seriously in the past year i've had it since i moved here#and have used it for other things even though it wasn't my primary bank#and i have NEVER had an issue with them. i have never had fraud on my account#with this one it's like once a year. it's insane.#do people who use like bank of america deal with this? is this like a big chain bank thing?#chatpost
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every now and then i experience brief moments of self-awareness telling me to make major changes to the fusionsprunt story
#queue#maybe it has to do with this need of visualizing it as an actual tv show. it's not necessarily a bad thing#it's so much fun to question what would happen if a specific part was rewritten or twisted into smth else. how would it work and all#for example. i've been thinking. what if Hunter was an actual robot? how does his interaction with Exocannis and B2 change bcs of it? :0#i dont think that part will be rewritten but it's an interesting possibility#one thing i wanted to change is Gideon's lore though!#the way he disregards B2 doesn't sit right w me (and ig it didn't with everyone else who read the lore)#also! there's not much info about his childhood. it was nice until BOO TRAUMAAA.#overall i wanted to introduce him some other way. the way Gideon Rigell would do!#perhaps with a little comic? a loose dialogue in an artwork of sorts#comparing him to who he is currently is like going. wow! good job buddy ur getting better! but also you should probably seek therapy...#as for B2. i have some ideas.#some times i enjoy exploring new designs in which she looks VERY non-human or has some sort of non-human mentality#a true alien!#i wanna redesign her siblings and make all of them have an 'x' somewhere in their names#what if Beatrix had 4 siblings? what if she was the 'youngest'? what if they were all created by the same person#a person who was responsible for their creation but who also treated them like their own children#some kind of enthusiastic visionary with a passion for robotics who genuinely cared for machines. even 'mindless' ones#Also B2's relation to the Holloway Comet#like no. that's the. that's The Mother. that's the mother guys that's UNQUESTIONABLE#im talking about Monument Mythos vibes yknow. about giant n terrifying monuments/objects#i'm also cooking up ideas for comics focused solely on Bee#oneshots of sorts.... i should probably start sketching......#why am i having good ideas when i barely slept last night HSBWYSBWHDBHQHASSHHA#starbstalks
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In 1996 Vale raced a rotary-valve 125cc two-stroke that weighed 70kg and was good for 140mph/225kph. In the year he reached his retirement age he raced a 1,000cc four-stroke that weighed nearly 160kg and nudged 220mph/350kph. It is inevitable that such motorcycles need to be ridden in different ways. The essential difference between racing a low-powered bike and a high-powered bike is the speed the rider uses through corners. The best way to achieve fast lap times on a lightweight bike with relatively little horsepower - like a 125 or 250 - is to use as much corner speed as possible, by taking flowing lines through the turns. On the other hand, a 500 or a MotoGP bike has a lot of horsepower (too much, in fact!), which if used correctly has a huge effect on lap times. Therefore Vale had to change the way he attacked corners when he graduated to the premier class in 2000. After his first few races on a 500 he understood that the secret to a fast lap time on a big bike was to focus on corner exit, so he could unleash the engine's power as soon as possible. This required sacrificing corner speed, the gain in acceleration in corner exit more than compensating for the loss of time in the middle of the corner. "You need to go slow mid-corner, then lift up the bike really quickly and give gas when you are on the fatter part of the rear tyre," he said. "If you don't get it right, you're either slow or you crash." The first man to set him right was rival Sete Gibernau. Vale had a lot of crashes during the winter of 1999/2000, because he was trying to ride the bike like it was a 250, using flowing cornering lines on the edge of the tyre. Gibernau told him what to do, but like any keen young racer, Vale ignored the advice and kept falling off. Gibernau was correct, however. The 500 had double the power of a 250 - about 180 horsepower - and a two-stroke engine delivers power and torque in an aggressive and unpredictable way, so it's asking for trouble to swoop through corners on the edge of the tyres and then open the throttle.
Mat Oxley’s Valentino Rossi: All His Races
At the time, I was falling a lot. And for many different reasons. Part of it had to do with my style in 250. In 250cc you can go into a turn bent right over and you can even open the throttle all the way on the turn, accelerating as you go through it. OK, it's not the easiest thing to do but it was possible and many of us had mastered it. You can forget about doing things like that on a 500cc. One of the problems with the 500 is that, at first, you feel totally confident. That's what happened to me. I felt very sure of myself, I pushed ahead, keeping my 250cc style. And, as a result, I kept falling off. It happened in my second test, at Phillip Island. And it was a very bad fall. Gibernau had come up to me before the test and actually warned me: "Look, you bend the bike too much, treat it as if it was a 250cc. You can't do that. You should use your body more rather than bending the bike." "Gee, thanks, yeah, I'll do that..." I replied, not really taking him too seriously. I asked myself, "Who is this Gibernau who thinks he can tell me how to race?" Of course, I paid no attention to him. And that was a big mistake. Two hours later I had a terrible spill. I was going very fast and, all of a sudden, I felt the rear tyre lift itself off the track and the next thing I knew I was flying through the air. It was an incredible flight. When I finally landed it was with the kind of thud I'm sure to remember for a very long time.
Valentino Rossi in his 2005 autobiography, What if I had never tried it
#brr brr#sete gibernau#//#sg15#I'll admit I mainly typed this up for the sete bits though both extracts come from very neat sections of the respective books#anyway to meeeee it's interesting he even included the sete bit. he didn't HAVE to#the thing about the autobiography is that we're getting close to the point where I've posted every mention of gibernau on tumblr dot com#which given it was published in 2005 is !! interesting !! he barely is allowed to be a part of valentino's story at all#obviously he's kinda rude about sete here but! crucially he's the one who's in the right in this story while valentino is the cocky idiot#it's not a chronological autobiography sure but compare it to the amount he says about biaggi. sete's just... erased#and I'm sorry you cannot tell me that's because in late 2004 he took sete less seriously as a rival... like he started a war. come on#very juicy and fun for Narrative Purposes but also deeply deeply inconvenient when you're trying to evaluate what really happened rip#curse tag#clown tag
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If you've never heard an LRAD go off in person, I *genuinely* do not want to hear your opinion about methods of resistance in the US.
#i'm so fucking sick#wifey and i are pretty sure we got COVID so we've been isolating and trying to stay well#this is now at least my 2nd infection though#and you can tell too#wifey has been having trouble keeping me fed and hydrated and CONSCIOUS because I'm so tired I can barely function#this is despite sleeping for 12 hrs a day the past two days#and being fully medicated (or as fully medicated as I can be)#and on top of that my hypotension has been acting up severely since getting sick and I can barely walk 10ft b4 losing consciousness#i've haven't started throwing up my food and water yet but I've come pretty close especially early in the morning#anyway the point is that I am like. visibly being hit with an autoimmune aggravator not just a normal cold#and unfortunately#I'm taking it harder this time than the last#wifey is doing okay and mostly experienced it as a headcold with severe fatigue#she's pretty much better now a week or so out from starting to show symptoms#we....don't like when she gets hit that hard tho because it usually means I'm about to get bodied#pattern is holding so far regrettably lmao#anyway#my point is that I'm sick and angry and grieving and I really want to hit something or set it on fire#but i can't because i can barely move or even stay awake#and this is literally all my personal hell#as a result i am finding that I have a uhhhhhhhhhh unreasonably low threshhold for irritation recently
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buttered noodles 💫💛🍜
#just me hi#it's just a Lot of butter cuz i don't like having pasta sauce w/ parmesan (something wrong w/ that idk hfbshv) so :3#i was thinking of putting garlic in it but idk if that would be good... do i wanna take the risk.. i mean you can't really go wrong with#garlic... Hmmmm....#//oh yea i am definitely gonna switch up my main blog theme ehe :3#and maybe my rb blog's theme too cuz i liked it when the colours were matching lol#maaaybe to blue.. i don't remember if i've ever had a blue theme so this might be the first blue theme ehe :3#i just like to have an Image for the banner so i need to figure out what i'd like that to be.. hmnmnmnmnm!#//alright you know what i'm gonna put garlic in this one second lolll#okay i put black pepper and garlic in it's not too bad :)#prolly shoulda put more salt in too cuz i'm craving it. salt <3#/having spaghetti cuz the meal is actually supposed to be eggs and i cannot have that lol#some people are upset about this! like my dad. and my brother who is making the food lmfsh#i didn't know food was being made i am innocent in this !! probably anyway#like nobody is more displeased by this than me dude. i wish people could actually like. describe what some foods taste like so that i could#actually see why they like them#but you ask and they say 'what are you talking about? it's just egg' but 'Just Egg' SUCKS dude what is Your Egg like. pretty please kfshvjg#and grapefruit? grapefuit sucks but my mom likes it and i can't understand Why#and i wanna ask what it's actually like and why she likes it but she only says 'idk it's good with salt' what does that MEAN#how does the taste change?? how would you describe it before that ? clearly it was good enough before the salt or you wouldn't have tried i#with that!! i just wanna know !!!!!#dark chocolate ?? Please ??? do you like the taste of restrained anger and resentment cuz that's what it tastes like lmao ???#Coffee ??????? i can't understand coffee without a bajillion tons of sugar (+ other things) masking the taste how do you. Deal#not even deal- Enjoy !! how are you enjoying it !!! Why !!!! and why does everyone think i'm trying to convince them it's bad when i ask#LMAO--#like i'm not trying to say it's bad i'm trying to figure out how it's good please. Please Man lmfvshjfvhgfks#okay so clearly i have thoughts on all that LMfvshgjhfs#bitter stuff sucks and i barely like sour stuff Sometimes. food is all around good though so lol 👍#//alr i'm gonna. [starts scooching away]#i am almost out of tags (rip unlimited tags i miss you so bad hfsvh <3) edit: i ran out LMFVHS ; TOODLES !!
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I think the reason I like oldboy so much is because deep down I too an a bitter old queen
#yes I'm barely in my 20s what's the point#i mean part of it is also that i want to fuck that old man (thank you alex for the fic <3)#but also i love to complain about everything and all of my writing is fuelled by going on AO3 and dramatically going ''this is all dogshit''#even though it all rules and I've read all the fics like 12 million times#but i get grumpy about it not being exactly the characterisations and ships and tropes (?) I like and therefore my brain has a strop#i still love it though please do keep making art & fic and stuff it's all wonderful#my brain is just a nasty little gremlin that occasionally needs to get beaten with a stick sometimes#though at least i don't immediately go online and start publically talking shit about people who#don't write exactly what i want how i want it#which is a totally neutral statement and definitely not referring to any one individual in the fandom hahahahaha#what was i talking about#oh yeah anyway if you ever want to talk shit about anything my DMs are open and my anons are on I love that shit <3#uhhhh#disco elysium#jules pidieu
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Drowning out my feelings with Dr. Pepper, falling back in love with Silence is Golden But Consequences Are Red, and thoughts of Mother Hen Wolf Shifter!Ghost
*rant in the tags if y'all want*
#i have been having entirely too many feelings lately#and not a time nor place to cope#I have been having far too many conversations about the future and it's starting to make me freak out#this aquarium trip was supposed to help me answer the questions I had about what schooling/degree I would need to be an aquarist#all it did though was make me realize that being an aquarist may not actually be right for me#which now means I don't know what I would be going back to school for#which sucks absolute ass because I miss being a student. I miss that freedom and I miss learning#i miss being a college student so badly actually and I honestly regret dropping out. Like I did before but now#I always told myself it was for the best cause it's better than failing a semester and tanking my GPA#but now I've been stuck in this horrible depressive cycle and feeling so fucking burntout I can barely function half the time#now I don't have any time or energy to do things I love let alone do some self learning#I currently don't see any point in going back to school cause I don't even know what I would go back for and it's fucking scary#all of my siblings have had major things happen and are progressing on with their lives#and like I get i'm barely even in my twenties and I shouldn't be panicking this badly about my life#I feel like half of my troubles are self inflicted even though they're really truly not#but I can't help but feel I've doomed myself and my motor functioning is worsening#my executive functioning is down the fucking toilet and I can't fucking fix it and it's upsetting me#but god i just had a birthday this past week and about three years ago when I started college#I really believed I'd be in a much different place at this age than I am now#and it's scary it's fucking terrifying and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and all I am doing is spiraling really badly
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damn I knew the Nibelheim section was gonna be kinda sad, but did the devs really, really have to go and make it sadder?
#I say this trying to ignore the fact that one of said sad extra parts (last boss fight for this section) kicked my ass like five times#(I was not patient and did not want to watch attack patterns and guess what I needed to do. Guess)#also probably doesn't help that I've been relying on Yuffie in fights bc she's so damned strong#in any case I hope the eventual boss fight with Hojo lets me use every single character despite the 3-person party limit#bc everyone should get a chance to punch this guy in the face I think#anyhow! don't get attached to weird side characters like me#side character angst aside though I am living for how much writing Nanaki and Cait Sith (and by extension Reeve) have gotten so far#like those two specifically were always sorta ignored by a lot of the expanded stuff#(i.e. barely had any presence in Advent Children got okay chapters at best in OtWtaS)#I mean sure DoC and BC had decent content for Reeve (and BC had some expanded lore for Nanaki)#but that's like two games out of however many entries are in the FF7 expanded games/stories#love my weird little cat guys a lot and I'm glad we're getting some really good writing for them#(also don't even get me started on how good Barret's writing is he has SO MUCH more depth of character I LOVE IT)#(like Barret also got done dirty by all the expanded stuff but damn if his writing in Remake/Rebirth isn't top tier)#*putting all the characters in a box* I love these weirdos so much#oracle of lore
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u know when you have something to do and the internal panic is insane but you still Can't Do The Thing.
#apersonwhotalks#i have a paper due tomorrow and i've barely started and I can't make myself write it even though I KNOW how many points it's worth and how#serious it is
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it's been a strange arc so far
when I was 19-21 and having an extremely imbalanced relationship with someone in their mid 30s I was like 'we are both adults so the fact that this is fucking me up is my fault'
when I hit my late 20s and saw how young people in their late teens and early 20s seem now I was like 'oh wait I was so fucking young I didn't know shit about my own limits or about managing relationships and I don't know why someone in their mid to late 30s would be into that except for nefarious purposes'
the weird bit is now I'm into my 30s - not even that far into my 30s - and while I still wholeheartedly believe that last thing about how young (and self destructive) 20 year olds are, I'm also kind of like 'huh, actually nobody I know that age has their shit remotely together and frankly the reason this fucked me up is because NEITHER of us knew what the fuck we were doing it how to cope, for different reasons and at different life stages, and there probably wasn't any malice or intent to control as much as there was Blind Flailing.'
#red said#this is about one specific relationship btw.#wanted to clarify that because there have been several men over 30 who fucked me up between the ages of 16 and 21#and i adamently do NOT want to keep pretending that was incompetence. that was predation. sometimes incompetent predation.#but with the person I'm thinking of? she really hurt me and the age gap and difference in life stage was a not insubstantial factor#but mostly she was just spiralling out really badly and i offered her something to hold and she did try to keep things balanced and safe#but she was very off balance at the time. so the fucking up was more that than it was about power or control#we were just both very stupid and very sensible at the same time which is a great way to dig yourselves deeper#and idk I'm like 2 or 3? years younger than she was when we met iirc#and the closer i get to her age the more I'm like yeah you know that's a human reaction. i can see how that happens.#and i kind of feel bad for the amount of bitterness I've held and malice I've ascribed because ultimately#i think it was just two people having different crises trying and failing to figure out boundaries around them#but this has come on really suddenly and it's kind of fucking me up as well#cause I'm frightened of falling back into patterns of oh it's never anyone else's fault that i got hurt#but i don't. thiiiiink so? bc it's really only this one thing. i am not making these excuses for other people.#idk. sometimes people just fuck each other up.#I'm not even sure i think it was a bad thing that it happened. a lot of bad happened but we also catalyzed a lot of change in each other.#i feel like the reason i keep picking at this is that it's complicated. it was not good. it was good.#she really fucked me up and she was a terrible friend to me at times. but she was also the first person to really look after me.#and she kind of helped me start to learn how to need other people. which was good.#when my grandma died she wrapped me in a blanket and cancelled her plans to watch TV on the couch with me#even though she barely knew me at that point#and she was one of the first people to consistently ask for consent and check in. and she did genuinely care about me.#but she also truly fucked me over a couple of times.#but mostly that was just because she was buried in a pit of despair and self loathing.#she seems a lot happier now. i hope she is. i don't know if i want to know her particularly but i think if she's happy she'd be nice to know
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.
#i've had the most hectic month at work and as soon as eid started i flew back to my hometown and helped with the preparations and#hosted relatives and family friends and visited relatives etc and today (4th day since i came here) i got the worst headache like i couldn't#even stand up and could barely talk#thought i was gonna die and i was like praying for it to be quick at least lmao#but i took some medicine and managed to take a nap after a whole day of suffering#and i am a bit better now thank god BUT before i managed to fall asleep i was on my phone and#had these br*dgerton related reels and i just watched them even though i haven't even seen the show#and during my tossing and turning nap i dreamt of them 😭 one suffering after another
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