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attemptsonherlifepdf · 4 years ago

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bojack horseman and bo burnham: the art of acting like you’re acting and the comedy of misery

at the core of bojack horseman, raphael bob-waksberg’s 2014 comedy, is a story about the relationship between performance and depression. the protagonist of this renowned tragicomedy is best described as a sympathetic villain; he is shown to clearly be in the wrong across various events of the show, and is explicitly referred to as a bad person, but the audience is granted deep access to his personal struggles, resulting in some portions of the audience finding themselves on bojack’s side. the duality of his character is complex, but can be broken down into some core components, that all stem from the impacts of stardom and performance. the standup comedy of bo burnham arguably echoes this sentiment in real time. having been a performer from a young age, burnham creates work that serves as a satirical commentary on the life of entertainers. he uses original songs to explore the reliance upon and resentment for his performative nature both onstage and within his personal life. both the comedian and the netflix show are widely understood to be thinly veiling their critiques of the entertainment industry behind a particular brand of witty and absurd humour.

both bojack and burnham’s content openly criticises their audiences and explicitly states the manufactured nature of the narrative the audience is fed. in the fifth season of bojack horseman, the show satirises itself by having bojack star in a police procedural drama, parts of which are actively written by other characters to reflect events of bojack’s life. the titular character he plays, philbert, is the epitome of selfish male angst, and an example of what bob-waksberg’s show could have been; another story about a sad and angry man whose guilt supposedly makes up for the people he has hurt. according to bojack, philbert teaches us ‘we’re all terrible, so we’re all okay’, an interpretation that is harshly disputed by diane: ‘that’s not the point of philbert, for guys to watch it and feel okay. i dont want you, or anyone else, justifying their shitty behaviour because of the show.’ this moment is a direct reaction to some of the online reception bojack horseman has received. various circles of the show’s fanbase have found themselves relating to the protagonist to the point of defending his untoward behaviour, a response not intentioned by the show’s creators. this is not the only example of bob-waksberg’s ability to make his work self-evaluative. in season six’s exposure of bojack and sarah lynn’s problematic relationship, characters question their sexual encounter from the first season. the writers use this as a way of examining their own choices, and the harmful tropes they played into when using this exploitative sexual encounter as a gag. this self-evaluative quality is what sets bojack apart as a show that assesses the performance it participates in, much like the comedy of bo burnham.

bo burnham is known for directly addressing his audience, particularly in terms of discouraging idolisation and parasocial relationships. some examples of this manifest as responses to hecklers rather than a planned bit in the show, for instance:

heckler: i love you!

bo: no you don’t

heckler: i love the IDEA of you!

bo: stop participating!

he actively addresses the issues posed by being an entertainer, and encourages the audience to understand and recognise that his onstage persona is just that: an exaggerated persona. not once does burnham claim to be fully authentic onstage, and even moments of authenticity we see in his latest special, inside, are staged. we make the assumption that having the physical setting of a stage stripped away grants us a more personal look at the entertainer’s life, but he makes it clear that even in his own home we still see the aspects he has carefully constructed rather than the full truth. arguably though, parts of the show really are authentic; in his monologue during make happy, bo deconstructs his own show in a way that is similar to bojack horseman’s later seasons, admitting that all he knows is performing and thus making a show about the more mundane and relatable aspects of life would feel ‘incredibly disingenuous.’ in his attempts to separate himself from this onstage persona he actually manages to blur the lines between what is acting and what is now part of his nature as a result of his job. this notion is echoed in bojack horseman as bojack’s attention seeking nature is attributed to his years acting in front of a camera every day.

bo suggests that the era of social media has created a space in which children’s identities mimic that of an entertainer like himself, describing the phenomenon as ‘performer and audience melded together.’ in this observation he criticises the phenomenon. bo attempts to force the audience to recognise the ways in which their lives are becoming shaped by the presence of an audience and to some extent uses his own life as a warning tale against this. he points out the way in which the ‘tortured artist trope’ means that your cries for help or roundabout attempts of addressing mature themes such as substance abuse, mental illness and trauma become part of that on stage persona and therefore become part of the joke. both bo and bojack address these topics in more discrete manners earlier in their careers, but this eventually becomes expected, and thus they are forced to explicitly detail their struggles with these topics in order to be taken seriously. even then, portions of the audience are inclined to see it as part of the persona or as something that fuels the creators creativity and thus does not need to be addressed as a legitimate issue. the emphasis on creating a character or persona promotes the commodification of mental illness: any struggle must be made into a song or a joke or a bit, must be turned into part of the act in order to have value. this actually serves to delegitimise these emotions and create a disconnect between the feeling and the person, as it becomes near impossible to exist without feeling as though you are acting. even when an artist’s cries for help become blatant, they continue to go ignored because now they serve the purpose of creating content that criticises the industry they stem from. online audiences can be seen as treating bo burnham and his insightful work as existing to demonstrate the negative effects entertaining can have, and because this insight is useful or thought-provoking to audiences, he is almost demanded to keep entertaining and creating. in response to this demand, his work becomes more meta and his messages become clearer, and the more obvious his messages, the more people he reaches. this increases audience demands and traps entertainers in a cycle fraught with internal conflict.

during bojack’s second season, bojack’s date asks him, ‘come on, do that bojack thing where you make a big deal and everyone laughs, but at the same time we relate, because you're saying the things polite society won't.’ this moment exemplifies how aspects of his genuine personality have now become a part of his persona and this is demanded of him in genuine and serious situations, undermining the validity of his emotional reactions. he immediately makes a rude comment to the waitress at the restaurant they’re in and satisfies his date by performing that character he has set himself out to be. some circles of the fan base have argued that bojack is written as a depiction of somebody with borderline personality disorder, offering a psychoanalytical lens through which to view this notion of performance. a defining symptom of borderline personality disorder is a fluctuating sense of self; having grown up on camera, being demanded to perform to others as young as six years old, bojack’s sense of self will have been primarily dictated by the need to act. whether this acting is for the sake of comedy, or as a representation of masking his mental illness, when they need to act is taken away bojack entirely loses his sense of self and relapses into his addictions: ‘i felt like a xerox of a xerox of a person.’ burnham’s depictions of depression run along a similar vein; in his new special he poses the idea that his comedy no longer serves the same personal purpose it once did for him. he questions ‘shit should I be joking at a time like this?’ and satirises the idea that arts have enough value to change or impact the current global issues that we are facing. burnham’s ‘possible ending song’ to his latest special, he asks ‘does anybody want to joke when no-one’s laughing in the background? so this is how it is.’ implicit in this question is the idea that when the audience is taken away and there is nobody to perform his pain to, he is left with his pain. instead of being able to turn his musings and thoughts into a product to sell to the public, he is forced to just think about them in isolation and actually face them, an abrupt and distressing experience.

the value of performance and art is questioned by both bojack and burnham, particularly during the later years of their respective content. burnham’s infamous song, art is dead, appears to be a direct response to the question ‘what is the worth of art?’ he posits that performing is the result of a need for attention (‘my drug’s attention, i am an addict, but i get paid to indulge in my habit’) and repeatedly jokes throughout his career that the entertainment industry receives more respect that it deserves (‘i’m the same as you, im still doing a job or a service, i’m just massively overpaid’). his revelations regarding the inherent desire for attention that runs through all entertainers is frequently satirised in bojack horseman. bojack is comically, hyperbolically attention hungry and self-obsessed, and the show has a running gag in which he uses phrases along the lines of ‘hello, why is nobody paying attention to me, the famous movie star, instead of these other boring people.’ his constant attempts to direct the focus of others towards himself result in bojack feeling like ‘everybody loves you, but nobody likes you.’ his peers buy into his act and adore the comical, exaggerated, laughable aspects of his character, but find very little room to respond to him on a genuinely personal level because of this. interestingly, bojack appears to enjoy catering to his audience and the instant gratification it produces, whereas bo burnham becomes increasingly candid about his mixed feeling towards his audience. ‘i wanna please you, but i wanna stay true to myself, i wanna give you the night out that you deserve, but i wanna say what i think and not care what you think about it.’ he admits to catering to what audiences want from him, but resents both the audience and himself in the process as it reveals to himself which parts of his character are solely for the sake of people watching him.

within bojack horseman, this concept is applicable not only to the protagonist, but to the various forms of performer demonstrated in the plot. towards the show’s end, sarah lynn asks ‘what does being authentic have to do with anything?’ to which herb kazzaz responds, ‘when i finally stopped hiding behind a facade i could be at peace.’ this highlights the fact that because entertainers are demanded to continue the facade, they do not receive the opportunity to find ‘peace.’ this sentiment is scattered throughout the show, through a musical motif, the song ‘don’t stop dancing.’ the song stems from a life lesson bojack imparted to sarah lynn at a young age, and becomes more frequently used as the show progresses and bojack’s situation worsens.

sarah lynn is also used to explore the value of entertainers; in the show’s penultimate episode, she directly compares her work as a pop icon to the charity work of herb, arguing that if she suffered in order to produce her work. it has to mean something. she lists the struggles she faced when on tour: ‘i gave my whole life...my manager leaked my nudes to get more tour dates added, my mom pointed out every carb i ate, it was hell. but it gave millions of fans a show they will never forget and that has to mean something.’ implicit in this notion is the idea that entertainment is the epitome of self-sacrifice. there is a surplus of mentally ill individuals within the industry, largely due to the nature of the industry itself, but some may argue that the cultural grip the industry has, and the vast amounts of respect and money it generates annually, gives the suffering of these prolific individuals meaning.

the juxtaposing responses entertainers feel towards their audiences manifest as two forms of desperation: the desperation to be an individual who is held accountable, and the desperation to be loved and validated. we see both bojack and bo depict how they oscillate between ‘this is all a lie’ and ‘my affection for my audience is genuine’, or between ‘do not become infatuated with me im a character’ and ‘please fucking love my character i do not know how to be loved on a personal level.’ bojack explicitly asks diane to write a slam piece on him and ‘hold him accountable’, similar to bo’s song ‘problematic’ in which the hook includes the phrase ‘isn’t anybody gonna hold me accountable?’ for his insensitive jokes as a late teenager. their self-awareness is what enables their self-evaluative qualities, but self-awareness is its own issue. bojack grapples with a narcissistic view of his own recognition of his behaviour before settling on a more nuanced, albeit depressing take. originally he makes the assumption that in recognising the negative aspects of himself, he is superior to those who behave similarly: ‘but i know im a piece of shit. that makes me better than all the pieces of shit that don’t know theyre pieces of shit.’ eventually, during his time at rehab he is forced to reconcile with the fact that self awareness does not, to put it bluntly, make you the superior asshole, it just makes you the more miserable one. the show does, however, make a point to recognise how the entertainment industry protects ‘pieces of shit’, prioritising their productive value over how much they deserve to be held accountable, demonstrated using characters like hank hippopoalus. the show itself obviously stems from the entertainment industry, as it is a form of media produced by netflix, one of the most popular streaming platforms available. bojack horseman and bo burnham represent the small corner of the industry that is reflective enough to showcase the damage it inflicts. this is powerful in terms of education and awareness, and urges audiences to question their own motives and versions of performance, but the reflection alone is not powerful enough to help the artists in question. burnham’s candid conversations surrounding his mental health continue to reveal a plethora of issues somewhat caused or sustained by the nature of his career. within bojack horseman, bojack is only able to stop hurting other characters when those characters construct a situation that forces him to face consequence, his introspection alone is not enough. while bojack ends on a message of hope, suggesting to the audience that reverting back to the status quo is not the only acceptable way for events to end, it leaves stinging lessons and social commentary with the audience regarding the unnatural and damaging narrative that performers live through. on a similar but markedly different note, bo burnham’s work and personal progression is playing out in real time, and not in a way that is as raw and genuine as it appears. each bit is planned, even the most vulnerable moments that appear unplanned and painful. his latest special is not entirely devoid of hope, but does translate to audiences as a somewhat exaggerated look around the era of social media and the development of performance, using himself as an example.

the absurdist humour that often acts as a vehicle for poignant statements or emotionally provocative questions is very specific to each media creator. bob-waksberg’s use of puns, tongue twisters and entirely ridiculous circumstances served to simultaneously characterise his points as an expected part of the show’s style of humour, similar to bojack’s emotional instability, but also to make them appear gut-punching in comparison to the humour. burnham’s work is similar in that poignant but blunt statements are often sandwiched between absurd and exaggerated jokes, making them stand out via contrast but not giving the audience too much time to dwell upon them as they are said. performance art is second nature to entertainers, and is presented a an issue that is infiltrating the general population via social media rather than solely affecting the ‘elites’. bojack horseman and bo burnham present the duality of artists simultaneously attempting to level the playing field and increase their chances of survival in the industry, and encourage audiences to know that everyone is bluffing and you’ll never have the right cards anyway.

i.k.b

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alreadyblondenow · 4 years ago

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Melt with you | Lee Taeyong

✦ Lee Taeyong x reader ✦ Fluff, Smut, Smut, Smut, Angst, Jack Frost AU ✦ 2/5 for HOLIDAY SERIES: Once Upon A December

Summary: After being the guardian of winter, Taeyong finds himself falling in love with you while he takes care of your daughter secretly. “I’ll see you in your next life,” he says, and so he did. He waited for your next life and make you fall in love with him, until Taeyong can’t cheat on fate anymore and decided to give you to your real soulmate.

Word count: 8,550k

Warnings: A lot of smut, unprotected sex and protected sex, mentions of sex, mentions of oral sex, and oral sex (female receiving), swearing, mentions of other idols, fingering, accidental period sex, trying to have a baby but can’t, virginity loss, virgin taeyong, experienced reader, poor taeyog (no money), mentions of dying, almost dying Taeyong, pregnancy test and getting a negative result always, mentions of rough sex, mature themes, established relationship, divorce.

A/N: PURE FICTION. Inspired by the movie Jack Frost, Rise of the Guardians, Marriage Story, 500 days of summer.... Personally I wanted this to be my own version of Jack Frost and focused a lot with Taeyong and so much about the reader sorry :( but I think I did a pretty bad job about that. Jaehyun is a cupid here, and Doyoung is the easter bunny. Dont forget that hehehe. hope you enjoy.

The snow was pretty thick today and according to the news, there will be a snowstorm that will hit the town by late afternoon. Running like the wind and flying fast, the spirit of winter that makes the town cold and ready for the Holiday season came out to enjoy the said storm. As the spirit of winter, Taeyong did not just go out today so he could have a great time, but he has to make sure that the town will be safe once the storm arrives.

“Can we go out and skate? I promise I’ll be back before the storm arrives” your nine year old daughter whines to you and your husband, Taeil. You look at Taeil while he chews his pancakes, and shook his head. “No. It’s too dangerous” he says.

“But-“

“No buts, baby. You can play indoors and you can skate all you want after the storm” he reasons out. She pouts and crossed her arms, giving her father a look, and did not finish her breakfast. Even though Taeil said no, his daughter is so stubborn that she sneaked out to meet her friend from behind their house to go skating.

The storm is fast approaching and the wind is getting stronger and it is slowly becoming a blizzard. When the little girl soon realizes that she made the wrong decision because she sees that it’s obviously dangerous, it was too late because they seem to have lost their way back home. “I can’t see a thing! Don’t let go of my hand!” she shouts at her friend, squeezing her hand so tight so she won’t lose her. The wind was so strong that they can’t move their bodies, not to mention it was so cold and it’s getting really hard to try and move.

“Didn’t your parents told you not to go out! There’s a storm coming- here give me your hand” Taeyong came out of nowhere and helped the girls through the storm and guide their way back home like the guardian that he is. He made sure that the girls will go home safely so he turned into his human form and brought them home safely. Your daughter hugged you so tight and quickly apologized for being stubborn and promised she won’t do it again.

While Taeyong on the other hand, watches you and your daughter reunite, he felt the world slow down and feel every snowflake fall oh so slowly when he saw your face. You’re so beautiful he thought. It took one look for him to completely fall in love with you, his heart melts at how you hold your daughter with such care and full of love. Being a mother suits you. But then he saw your husband Taeil coming towards you and your daughter to hug her tightly. Of course, you’re married already, Taeyong murmurs. “Thank you for saving our daughter and her friend” Taeil thanks Taeyong sincerely for what he has done.

“Don’t mention it. I’ll get going” Taeyong smiled and looked at your beauty one last time before he leaves, I’ll see you in your next life.

From there on, Taeyong became your daughter’s secret guardian until the winter season is finally over just so he can see you. But whenever you’re with your husband, he stops himself to respect your marriage and remind himself that it’s not yet his time to love you. He figured his time will come and he will have the chance to grow old with you too, all he has to do is wait so there's no need to get jealous. It was a long wait for Taeyong, but he endured it while fulfilling his duty as the spirit of winter.

Every winter season, Taeyong comes back to your house and see how you’ve been while he was gone. Too bad he can’t be with you every second because he couldn't come over during the summer. But every winter, the spirit followed you like a shadow and admire your beauty with every chance he got.

After years and years of waiting, Taeyong’s suffering is finally over now that you’re gone and ready to be born again. Although he has to wait for a couple of years before he can approach you, introduce himself and make you fall in love with him, Taeyong was really excited and happy.

The spirit of winter waited for you during the spring, summer, fall, and winter for years and years. Watching you grow up, watching you go to school until you finish college, even watch you have your first heartbreak. Love is patient and Taeyong can and will stretch his patience for you until the right time comes.

“So she’s the one? Is this really worth it?” Jaehyun the cupid whines. Some of the guardians are with him and here to watch him leave and pursue love. They were all against it because Taeyong could lose his powers and die eventually, but he will not change his mind now.

“Being a human is hard, you know that right?” the easter bunny reminds his best friend, trying so hard to stop him.

“In five minutes, her car will break down in that street” Taeyong breathes in deeply, feeling excited but somehow sad because his friends aren’t supporting him and have been trying to change his mind until the last minute. “I’ve been taking care of kids that I don’t know, I’ve been doing my duty… now let me take care of her”

Soon his friends gave up and gave him a tight hug before he transforms and become a human. They will miss him of course, not to mention they don’t know how long will Taeyong be away. Just as he predicted, your car broke down on the side of the street and he has never been so excited. As we walk towards where your car broke down, his hair is slowly turning brown from silver white, the halo in his eyes is gone, and now that he’s human he can feel cold now.

“Here goes nothing” he murmurs and walked under the snowstorm, cold and freezing. He walked past your car, which got stranded in the middle of the road because of the storm, you see him and bought his acting and did not have second thoughts to call him out.

“Hey!” you got out of the car, struggling to go call him but Taeyong heard you well. He slowly turned towards you and walked weakly, Doyoung is right being a human is hard. “You must be freezing. Come inside my car we can wait for this storm to pass, please” you begged. Of course, he accepted your offer and went back inside your car with you. The moment you two were settled inside safely, he felt bad for making you come after him under the storm but he didn’t have a choice.

He wanted to look at your face like how he normally does but now is different because you can see him already. “I’m Taeyong. Thank you for helping me” he started, putting his hands towards the heater. It was a sweet moment for him and you have no idea. You have no idea how long he has waited for this moment to happen, you have no idea how many times he imagined this scenario in his head.

“I’m Y/n. Why are you walking under this storm? Did your car broke down and you went out to get some help?”

Taeyong was once again turned into stone because he can’t believe that you can talk to him now, he shook his head and answered your question. “Y-yes. My car broke down and my heater stopped working” lies. Taeyong stopped talking so he could stop lying to you. He admired your face while you enjoy the limited heat, you looked much younger than the first time he met you but you’re still beautiful. Even more beautiful actually.

Your cursing brought him back to reality again and started getting worried because you’re frowning. “Oh- shit, this isn’t happening” you whine and looked at him, “gosh I’m sorry. The heater stopped, it must be because of my car’s battery. Shit we are going to freeze here,” you said your sorry so many times to the guy sitting beside you because you’re the one who offered helped but now that your heater stopped working you feel ashamed for dragging him.

“No no. Don’t be” you watch him remove his jack and let him wrapped it around you. “There, I’m returning the favor. Were even now. Seriously, I’m fine and I’m thankful for you” His smile warms your heart and suddenly your worries banished the moment he said he’s thankful to you.

Hours have already passed and Taeyong wanted to go out and look for help now because you’re freezing and soon you’ll be sick. He has an idea but he’s scared you won’t like it and you’ll think of him as a pervert, but he nicely explained his plan and cleared his intentions so he won’t scare you. “If we don’t share body heat… you can end up getting sick and that’s the last thing we want right now. We can… c-cuddle until help finds us” he was getting shy too but you think that he’s sweet for thinking about your health even though you just met a few hours ago.

You accepted his offer and soon you and Taeyong cuddle at the back of your car, sharing body heat to survive this cold. Even though Taeyong is the spirit of winter, he can be warm whenever he’s in his human form. “You know that sharing body heat is effective when two parties are naked, right?” you tease him and make him blush. He smiled handsomely and let out an awkward laugh. “Tell me something about yourself,” you asked and try to turn this awkward moment around.

“I don’t know. There’s nothing much about me and nothing interested, how about you?” his voice was enough to make you melt while you hug him and enjoy his warmth. You like how he didn’t try to impress you but instead, he gave you an honest answer about himself.

“Well, since you’re honest, I’ll be honest too. I’m on my way to meet a guy, I have a date tonight but…” you breathe in and out before you continue and contemplate whether it’s right to say this to him or not.

“But?” he tightens his embrace to you as he waits for you to continue your sentence.

“But I’m glad I got stranded and met you”

You feel his heart beat so fast because your bodies are incredibly close, you watch him blush and smile so big making your body warm again. After a few more hours of talking, help finally came and brought you to a safe place where it’s warm. Taeyong did not foresee this, he felt like he’s losing you already and he didn’t know what to do. Clearly, he didn’t plan everything out smoothly before he chose to be human for you, he’s not sure when he’s going to meet you again. He remembers his suffering from your first life and he didn’t want to let you go now and meet Taeil before he could even have his chance.

“Listen” he calls you before you get inside the cab and go home, “I’m poor. I have nothing to offer, I don’t have a car and I purposely walked past your car to grab your attention. But, see me again. Give me a few months to earn some money so I can buy you a decent dinner. I promise I will never lie to you again”

His eyes tell you everything. Obviously, he’s sincere with his words and he spoke nothing but the truth because there were no other broken cars found other than yours. It was Taeyong’s honesty that moved you and made you say yes to the dinner date that he offered. Before you two go on separate ways, you gave him a piece of paper that has your number in it and you can only hope that he will not lose it so you can meet soon.

Taeyong was more than happy for accepting his honesty in exchange for your trust. He doesn’t have any clue to what he’s doing but he’s sure about one thing, if he’s going to make you fall in love with him he wanted to do it right and will all honesty. That’s what you deserve. It might take him a while to find a job, and earn some money but everything will be worth it in time. With that motivation, Taeyong looked for a job that he likes, earn enough money to buy a small place for him to stay, and save up for the date that he promised you.

After a few months, you received a call from an anonymous number and did not hesitate to answer because it could be Taeyong. When you finally heard his voice again, you smiled so big because not only that this man is honest but he knew how to keep his promise.

“I’m still not rich but I have enough money to make us dinner. Uhm… If you still want to have dinner with me, I’ll text you the address and we can have dinner tonight” he bit his lower lip, hoping that his offer is enough to allow him to see you again.

“I don’t need a rich man Taeyong. Send me the address then, I’ll see you tonight” The fact that he will make dinner for the two of you is enough reason for you to say yes.

When the time for the most awaited dinner date has arrived, you two had a great time in his small apartment with a dinner table full of good and delicious food that he made. The date went well, he talked all night telling you how he’s holding up with his new life, he told you he loved working on the daycare that accepted him because he loves taking care of the children and every story that comes out from his mouth is too good to be true but you believe every word he says because you know that he’s honest. Taeyong felt happy seeing you smile because of him and not another man. The waiting he did for you is worth it even though being an independent human is not easy, as always, he’s ready to endure everything for you.

“How about you? What’s your work?” he asks after he overshared his experience from the daycare.

“I work for my parents. At their company” you looked sad the moment you mentioned it and he wondered why. “Let’s just say that, because I’m their daughter they expect too much from me. But I end up disappointing them- I was having a bad day Taeyong, but you called and now everything is fine” you gave him a small smile and continue eating. Knowing that he can make you happy even with the smallest things makes him really happy. It looks like he started on the right foot and hope that this can continue.

“Will I see you again?” he asks before you get a cab.

“Let’s see each other every day, do you like that?” you bit your lower lip and hope that your flirting will work. It was a bold move but Taeyong is a kind man that made your beat. Little did you know that what you just said made Taeyong really happy that he could cry in front of you but he would rather not. He kissed you on your forehead to answer your question, smiled so sweetly at you, and told you, “Text me the address of your work, I’ll pick you up tomorrow. Get home safe, okay?”

After a few dinner dates, and countless phone calls, and texting, you and Taeyong made everything official between the two of you and sealed it with a kiss under the first snow in the middle of an empty street. But that’s only the start of your relationship. As you continue to see each other day by day or every other day, Taeyong is becoming like the nice warm feeling when the morning sun hits your skin the moment you step out of the house. This happens all the time when he picks you up at work and meets you outside the building and there he is, standing and waiting for you. Not a single word from him but he already, turned your day around.

“Had a rough day?” he asks, swinging his arms around you keeping you close as you two walk with the sea of people.

“Yeah. I did a lot today” you let out a sigh to further express your exhaustion.

“Don’t worry. I’m here now” one smile from him and everything is okay.

Taeyong is not perfect. But you don’t need someone perfect, you need someone who tries. You don’t know where he came from and he may seem ignorant sometimes but he’s not afraid to ask you about something like that one time he wanted to go to the movies with you but he doesn’t know how so he asked you and ruined the surprise. And whenever you ask him about his family background he simply says the truth.

“I don’t have any or maybe I don’t remember much but I do have friends, you can meet them someday. I’m sorry I lack about a lot of things,” you saw the worry in his eyes and disappointment in himself.

“No baby, it’s fine. I just asked. No need to worry about it” from there on you never asked anything about him so he won’t overthink, what you see is what you get and you let yourself accept what he can only give to you.

It’s been almost half a year since you and Taeyong started dating. He may be very different from the guys you dated before him, but it’s okay because that makes him more special. Almost a year together and you and Taeyong haven’t moved your relationship to the next level and by the next level you meant he hasn’t touched you yet, haven’t shared a lustful kiss, and haven’t had sex. It’s like high school all over again.

“Did you know that you’re my first kiss?” he whispered beside your ear. It’s a weekend so you’re staying over in his cozy apartment, enjoying his cold body against you as you sit comfortably in between his legs on his very small couch.

“I’m your first love, Tae that’s given already” you giggle and intertwine your fingers with his. “If I’m your first kiss then you must be a virgin,” you added.

“I am” he giggles and tightens his embrace, “any plans about that?”

“Woah there. Is that an invitation?” you turned your head to meet his eyes and he gave you a wink. Your heart jumped out of excitement when you saw him getting shy, smiling oh so handsomely. So it’s a yes then.

“My knowledge about sex is very limited don’t get too excited,” he says while watching you sit on his lap, legs on both sides. This is new, Taeyong thought. “you’re going to tease me from now on, I get it. But you do look sexy now on top of me” he giggles and pulls you closer for a heated kiss. He never kissed you like this, his hands on your waist gripping it tightly and his tongue… oh his tongue. You never thought he’s capable of such skill.

“Okay let’s not rush and not jump right into having sex,” you said in between kissing. You don’t stop, he doesn’t stop either but he’s listening. “Put your hands inside my shirt” you instruct him and he shyly followed you. You felt his cold hands against your skin, slowly going up to knead your clothed boobs, you feel him harden beneath you and for the first time, you see your boyfriend became horny. You unclasp your bra while you continue kissing each other with want, tongue sucking, lip biting while you enjoy the way he touches you for the first time.

He stopped for a second when you removed your bra in front of him, letting your hard nipples ghost on your thin shirt. He remembered how he used to look away whenever you and Taeil get too intimate, but now you’re his. Slowly he played with the hem of your shirt and lift it over your head to see his girlfriend’s body for the first time. He smiled and kissed you again, touching your boobs gently, brushing his thumb on your nipples, and making you moan softly.

After that night, Taeyong became confident when it comes to touching you and kissing you with full of lust that sometimes it’s all too much because he’s doing a great job. His kisses alone can make you moan and weak, while the way he fingers you slowly can make you moan his name that his landlord sometimes shush you two. The first time you introduced him to oral sex, was a wild moment for the two of you because he loved it so much and he did a pretty good job for a first timer.

When the time finally comes and you’re both ready to have sex, he didn’t even know how to put on a condom, so you taught him how and you think he’s cute. He told you he wanted to make you happy even in bed, so you let him. “I’ll do my best,” he says, kissing your neck and making you smile before he proceeds to foreplay. His lips travel down from your lips, all the way down to your neck and the valley between your boobs, giving your nipples a soft pinch before he proceeds and licks you for a few seconds. He kisses your lower abdomen, caressing your thighs as he blows cold air on your wet folds, and proceeds to lick your cunt. You feel his cold tongue glide oh so smoothly like there's a piece of ice rubbing on your cunt right now, but it’s Taeyong’s tongue. “Enough teasing Tae. We’ve had enough of that” you moan and pulled him up to face you. It’s true though, you and Taeyong have been giving each other oral for the past few weeks because he’s not yet ready to have sex with you.

“Okay okay. I understand” he says and attacked lips with hungry kisses and starts grinding on top of your body while you surround his small room with sounds of wet kisses. Kissing Taeyong always feels because his lips are always cold and it feels good against your skin. As you admire his lips and the way he kisses you, you feel the tip of his cock on your entrance and feel him push in slowly catching every sharp gasp you let out with his mouth. You cup his face with both of your hands and close your eyes as you enjoy being fucked by the man you love. “You said you don’t know what you’re doing- Taeyong you feel good!” you were basically moaning the whole time you were telling him what you feel. He asks you to spread your legs even more so he can thrust deeper and so you followed gladly, and after a few thrusts, he hits your good spot perfectly.

“And I told you I’ll do my best right?” he smirks and continues to fuck you good, keeping your legs apart and sucking your boobs as he thrusts. He feels your walls warm walls around his cock then you asked him to put his thumb on your clit and the moment his cold fingers made contact on your clit, you tried to push him away because it made you sensitive and moan his name louder than before. You breathed heavily and accept every deep thrust Taeyong give you, every cold kiss, every sweet word that makes your heart swell. It was all overwhelming and all you can do is let go and cum.

Soon he released his cum in the condom and removed it immediately before he lay beside you in his small bed. You feel him kiss your forehead while he covers your sweaty and shivering bodies with his blanket and helped you come down from your high.

The next day, the sunlight from Taeyong’s window wakes him up and quickly blocked the sun with his hand so it won't hit your eyes too. You were sleeping soundly beside him, embracing his tiny waist unconsciously. “Good morning “ he whispered to you, covering your naked body with his blanket. “You have work” he reminded you sweetly and pulled you in a tight embrace.

“Let’s stay in bed, Taeyongie. Let’s skip work and make love the whole day” you kissed him good morning and closed your eyes again. You hear him giggle and feel his strong arms cage you and cradle you.

“As much as I want to do that, we can’t. Come on, I’ll cook breakfast, let’s start our day together”

“Are you getting rid of me?”

“No, quite opposite actually. Let’s start this day early, so we could go to work and meet afterward. I’m excited to see you again” You smile a gave him a tight embrace, allowing yourself to be thankful just for a minute for this beautiful morning, and for the naked man beneath you who loves you so much.

Beautiful nights that involved making love with Taeyong or having rough sex, eventually, happened again and again and again until he’s confident in bed just as much as you are. You go to work sore and tired but your heart is happy all because of Taeyong. He may not be as innocent as before but the humble and loving Taeyong that you fell in love with is still here. It was a relationship that involved a lot of sexual activities but you and Taeyong loved each other dearly and prove it to each other every day.

“I hate going home” you whined and gave him a glass of water. Tonight is one of those nights where you and Taeyong enjoy the meal he cooks after a long day at work and you have dinner together in his small apartment.

“Then don’t, stay here with me it’s late,” he says as he drinks the water that you gave.

“Hmm. That’s not what I meant, ask me to live with you already”

“I cant my place is too small, I’ll marry you and I’ll buy us a nice home”

“Were not getting young” you teased him, “I’m perfectly fine with this place. You know I love it here, I sleep well whenever I stay over”

“That’s because of me not because of this place” he was talking about the sex and smirked.

“Okay fine- But seriously you don’t have to buy me a big house you’re enough” he pulled you closer to him and looked at your eyes. He remembers the big house that you and Taeil owned in your past life and he was planning to give you something like that and not this shoebox. But he sees that you’re happy so he finally lets you win.

“Okay. If this place makes you happy, fine. Welcome home” he kissed your knuckles softly but you attacked him with sweet kisses and ended up making out with your boyfriend on his cold floor with a happy heart.

Living with Taeyong was a huge transition in your life but it was all for the better. You used to eat fast food every night but now you have Taeyong to cook you good food every day. Living together also made you know him more and know some things for yourself, like his love for sweet potatoes and that he can sing. He is incredibly affectionate when it comes to animals, may it be a stray cat or a dog it doesn’t matter he will take care of it. Living with Taeyong made your life easier and beautiful even though it’s all about the simplest things with him.

After you moved in with Taeyong, he found a job as a grade school art teacher which he loved doing so much and also pays good money. With that money, he saved a lot and bought you a house that’s big enough for the two of you. You let him shower you with love because that’s what he wants, in return you love him unconditionally. Soon, you introduced him to your family during the holidays, and Taeyong cooked for everyone which made him win their hearts especially your mom.

Seasons changed and so are the years, now you’re swaying under the soft music from the background on your sister’s wedding. Your arms are wrapped around his neck while his arms are wrapped around your waist as he whispers how beautiful you are tonight for the nth time but you never get tired of it. It’s not your wedding but you feel like it is because Taeyong can easily turn a second into a special moment.

Your sister’s wedding is a series of mixed emotions, one minute you’re crying because she’s not a baby anymore and by the next few hours you’re happy because she dropped the news that she’s pregnant already. “I saw your eyes when your sister told everyone she’s pregnant, how many kids do you want in the future?” he asks, continuously swaying your bodies while he waits for your answer.

“Ask me to marry you first” you boop his sharp nose and rest your head on his chest, “but let's have two kids,” you sighed and smiled at your wish and you hear your boyfriend hum in approval.

The night ended beautifully and you’re happy to see that your sister is happily married now. You kissed and waved goodbye to your family and Taeyong did the same too. Oh, how you wish you and Taeyong will have a happy ending soon too.

But you know what they say, be careful what you wish for.

A week after your sister’s wedding Taeyong proposed to you and made you the happiest girl in the world. It was nothing glamorous like the ones you see in movies, no big crowds, and no big signs that says ‘Marry Me?’. No. It was just the two of you. In your car, where you two first met. It was snowing too which made it even more special and romantic. When he was putting the ring on your finger, he was shaking so bad like he was cold but he’s not he’s just nervous. It was a simple ring and it represents your relationship with him, the diamond was small but the ring itself is a promise of never ending happiness because you get to spend the rest of your life with this handsome man.

Suddenly life is full of dreams and promises to keep for your marriage, no morning or night has passed that you didn’t admire your engagement ring. Just like now while Taeyong is in the shower and you’re waiting for him to come to bed. “You smell good” you didn’t notice him slide under the covers and felt him sniff your exposed shoulders. You turned your head to him and see him shirtless while he leans on the bed frame. You rolled on your side and rest your head on his abs, while you admire his handsome features.

“I want kids with your nose, my eyes, and your good heart,” you said, looking directly in his eyes. “You can teach them how to draw or cook pancakes, we can read stories to them, sing a song, and dance around our living room?”

He felt his body warm in instant. With just your words he felt like he’s melting. “Your love melts me you know,” he reaches for your lips and kissed you good night. “We can do all that and more, I promise” he whispers.

Time passed by so fast after getting married to Taeyong. Life is even sweeter and worth living for. Even though married life is never easy, you and Taeyong managed to be happy every day. More seasons change and you and Taeyong have become busier with work that you only spend time with each other during mornings and before you go to bed. But of course, the baby making is a never ending try until that damn pregnancy test will come out positive. Trying to have a baby was harder than you thought. There are times that you’re losing hope but your husband makes everything better.

“Good morning Mrs. Lee”

After being married for two beautiful years now, some things have never changed like how Taeyong wakes you up early in the morning for work with his cold lips and handsome face. You stretch your body looked at your handsome husband, who’s shirtless and only wearing a pajama underneath this thick blanket. You couldn’t stop yourself to kiss him and position him on top of you. “I have kids to teach” he giggled but he kisses your chest just the way you like it.

“Want to try to make our own kid? We haven’t tried ever since the last result. This isn’t us” you teased him but you both know it’s because of your jobs and you understand each other.

“You know I can’t say no to that” he smirked and lifts your sleepwear, exposing your boobs to your husband. Sucking your nipples immediately and felt his cold tongue swirl around it while his hands were quick to remove your pajamas and underwear. He kneels in between your legs and lowered his sweatpants before he releases his hard cock from his boxer briefs. With his middle finger, he checked if your slit is wet and ready, “you’re always wet for me” he says and kissed you deeply as he thrusts inside you with one quick move that dragged your body on the mattress. It hurt a little because you weren’t prepped enough, but once Taeyong rolls his hips and starts kissing your neck you lose your mind and all you can do is focus on the pleasure that he’s giving.

His thrusts were quick, you figured he was horny and his grip on your waist will sure leave marks. “Ah-fuck” you moan out when his thumb started drawing circles on your clit to make sure you will cum because there’s no way you will leave your house without cumming this morning. “I’m cumming-“ he says and sucks your nipples while he thrust harshly and putting pressure on your clit.

Your husband gave you a piercing thrust as he shoots his cum inside you, making you yelp and almost hit the headboard but you don’t care because you’re in the middle of your own orgasm.

“Wow- our baby making is getting intense,” you said with heavy breaths and sharp gaps. You put your shoulder above your forehead and catch your breath for a minute before you go on and take a shower.

You don’t know but your husband wanted to tell you something but he doesn’t want to ruin the morning. He helps you wear your panties again and kiss your sensitive body while listening to your giggles that’s music to his ear. He loves you so much that he wanted so bad to give you a baby soon because he’s tired of seeing you disappointed whenever the pregnancy test is negative.

Every day you and Taeyong spend your mornings peaceful and quiet. You wrap your arms around him while he prepares you breakfast, enjoy the quietness of your house and the peaceful life that he has given to you. “Have I told you that I love you Tae? So much?” you smelled his still wet hair and tighten your embrace.

“Yes. Every day, I think I don’t say it as much as you do but, I love you too” He kissed your forehead and gave your lips a peck. And mornings like this happens every day and no one is complaining because you never get sick of it.

“What if we adopt instead of trying to make one?”

It’s not that he didn’t like the idea of adopting, but it hurt him because you must really want a baby by this time and he can’t give you one for unexplainable reasons. “Don’t you want to see your nose in our little one? Or my eyes?” he stopped doing what he’s doing for a second and turned around to meet your gaze. He swings his arms around your waist, leaned on the kitchen counter, and pressed you against his body. “Where did that idea come from- I’m not against it but-,”

“But you don’t want to do it either?”

“I wish I could answer all of our questions on why you can’t get pregnant. Let’s try a few more times, then if nothing happens let’s do it. I’m sorry-“

“No, you’re not doing anything wrong. I think I’m just stressed with work,” you were just about to kiss your husband and end the conversation when the doorbell rang and you both wonder who might that be. Neither of you is expecting any visitor this early, that’s why it is a complete shock for Taeyong that Jaehyun visited him.

This must be important.

Since Taeyong needed to talk to his friend, you had to drive alone to work and drown with the things that you told your husband. I shouldn’t have said that, I completely hurt his feelings. Stupid. You said those things to yourself as you drive and arrive at your office safely. Then…

“Oh gosh. I’m sorry” a stranger bumped you so hard while you were walking towards your office. Completely bringing you back from reality. He was quick to apologize and his beautiful smile was hard to not notice. “I’m very sorry Miss. I’m Moon Taeil. I was reading some guidelines, I’m very new here and I can’t seem to find Mrs. Y/n Lee” he read it from the paper he was holding.

“You found me” you smiled and invited him to your office to talk about the work he has to finish.

While you were busy orienting Moon Taeil in your office Taeyong and Jaehyun had a serious conversation in your living room which made Taeyong very angry and frustrated. Turns ourtJaehyun is here to tell him that you and your soulmate will finally cross paths.

“That’s the thing when it comes to this soulmate thing hyung, we can’t stop it. Even me. It’s beyond what I’m capable of. I’m sorry, you just have to work harder and keep her away from him. Try and stop destiny” Jaehyun says, frustrated like his hyung too. Taeyong was quiet but he was thankful to Jaehyun for telling him.

“I’m starting to melt” Taeyong admitted to his friend. "I think I could last two more years"

“Make up your mind. Would you rather be selfish or let her be happy for the rest of her life?” Taeyong watched his friend leave after dropping a very hard question to answer. He can indeed feel his heart is slowly melting and the only way to save himself is to go back to being a spirit again.

It was a very disturbing day for both of you. He was worried about you and Taeil meeting, you were worried about the things you said to him this morning. To make it up with your husband, you decided to surprise him and pick him up from the school he's teaching. You see parents hugging their children and hear them asking about their day and you can’t help but tear up a little because you want the same things too.

You wipe your tears when you see your handsome husband walking towards you and greet you with a kiss. “Adults go here to fetch their kids, but here you are fetching me” you both let out a giggle before going inside your car. Before you start apologizing, you gulped the lump on your throat and keep your eyes on the road.

“I’m sorry about this morning. I know I hurt you” you finally said.

“Hurt me a thousand more times, I’m still going to love you deeply. Everything is fine, I understand you’re desperate because I’m desperate too. But we both have different solutions to this problem that's why. Let’s talk about it at home,” he says, reaching your free hand and kissed your wedding ring. You love how he’s always right when it comes to things like this. He always knew what to do.

As usual, you and Taeyong fixed this baby situation and decided to try and try until you get pregnant. You have nothing against it but you don’t know how long you can hold on anymore. Nonetheless, you try and understand Taeyong’s feelings too and you don’t want to hurt him again. After having that conversation with your husband, he tried so hard to get you pregnant and initiate having sex almost every day. Exhausting but at the same time fun, you just let love and lust drive you and your husband to bed over and over again.

Like right now, you were so weak and you can’t feel your legs anymore, you don’t even have the energy to roll on your side and reach for your husband but he does it for you. “You okay?” he kisses your neck and caress your sensitive body softly, naked and still sweaty from sex.

“Can we go back to the time where you don’t know anything about sex?” it was a joke which both of you find funny. You return his embrace and let out a shiver when you felt his skin so cold like ice and he was sweating so hard… like he was melting, “are you sick? baby you’re so cold like ice” you were worried but your husband is smiling weakly at you with lustful eyes, clearly, he wanted another round. But little did you know Taeyong is not feeling well.

“Come here so you could keep me warm then,” he kissed you deeply on the lips and felt him spreading your legs again. Oh boy, you thought. You tried to push him but you’re too late, he made you horny too, and just like that you gave in already.

You and Taeyong continue to try to have a baby and have sex whenever you can. Until one day when you were busy cleaning the house, and you saw your pads on the drawers and realized that you’re late. Your period is finally late.

“I’m home. Y/n?” Taeyong shouts as he enters your house, putting his shoes on the side. You greet him with a warm hug and a smile so big, inviting him to bed this instance. What better way to celebrate your pregnancy right?

You kiss him until you reach your shared bed and remove your clothes in front of him, intertwining your fingers with his and guiding him to touch your body. He doesn’t know what’s happening but he was enjoying it even though he doesn’t feel good. Taeyong quickly switched positions and removed his clothes from work before he goes in between your legs and kisses your body.

First, he licked your pussy good. Making your head turn and make you moan his name a little louder. You hear wet sounds as Taeyong licks you up and down and kiss your pussy like it’s your mouth. You were so wet that it turns you on even more and can’t wait for Taeyong to finally fuck you. When he felt your excitement, he quickly pumped his cock and slide it on your very wet folds just to watch you lose your mind beneath him.

He came in slowly, fucking you deep and careful because he was too weak right now but he can’t show you. After a few moments of heavy breathes and taking Taeyong's deep thrust, Taeyong fed his lust and looked how your cunt take all of him slowly and got excited to see blood coating his cock because loves period sex so much.

“I love fucking you when you’re on your period-ah” he was moaning so good and fucking you at a quick pace now, nipping your earlobes and kneading your boobs. After a few dirty talks, he heard you sob and felt tears falling on your cheeks. He thought you were crying because of overstimulation so he smirked and gave your ass a light slap. When he pulls away from your neck to kiss you on the lips, he sees you crying while covering your mouth with your own hand.

Your husband stopped.

“Am I hurting you, what’s wrong?” you didn’t answer him.

He quickly pulled out and went to the bathroom to get a damped towel to clean the blood on your thighs and put a tampon inside you while you were crying. He kissed your shoulders and begged you to talk to him because he is clueless.

“I was excited because I thought my period is late just a few minutes before you get home. Then it fucking came” it was a very harsh move for fate to give you false hope and hurt your feelings like that. Taeyong didn’t know what to do when you asked him to leave you alone for tonight.

He needed you too because he’s sick right now but he can’t tell you.

And that is where your marriage failed.

Taeyong was desperate to keep you while you were desperate to have a child. You two started to fight, and you can see that things are slowly changing now. You were cold towards him because you don’t know what else to do to have a kid. You have sex, take a test, negative, have sex again, take the test again, and have the same results over and over again.

You hope that it’s easier than ‘you don’t love him anymore’ but it’s not, you love each other so much but this baby problem is ruining your marriage and you can’t fix it because you don’t know what’s wrong, even the doctors said you’re both fine and you just have to try and try but its getting tiring already.

“I don’t know what else to do” Taeyong admits after you take another test just a few minutes ago and he sees you crying. He can’t take it. He never saw you cry when you were married to Taeil.

“Do you want to give up? Because I’m getting tired, baby” you hug him so tight and cried on his shoulders, “we fight, we don’t sleep peacefully now, and we're not happy. This is not us” you cry out and tighten your embrace to your husband. You forgot how his presence comforts a lot.

“Okay, let's stop. I’m sorry. I really am”

“I’m sorry too”

Taeyong realized what he was doing all this time. If he didn’t steal you from Taeil you wouldn’t suffer like this because he is not the right man for you. Love is cruel, Taeyong thought. No matter how much you love each other, no matter how much he loves you, fate won’t consider it and will find a way to ruin your chance of being happy.

He puts you to sleep and went out to meet his friends and tell them that he’s slowly dying. You were so focused on yourself and didn’t notice that Taeyong is getting thin and his hair is slowly turning white. You thought it’s just him being stressed with everything that’s happening right now but it’s more than that.

“Well, you can’t die. It’s simple as that. You’re more than Taeyong, you have an obligation in this world as the spirit of winter” Doyoung was beyond pissed upon hearing the news. "We told you from the very start that this is not a good idea" he added.

“We have no choice but to let her and Taeil have their happy ending. But how she loves you so much” Jaehyun says with worried eyes because they know that Taeyong is going through so much.

“I’ll Divorce her, with all the strength I have left ” Taeyong says weakly, tears in his eyes started to ball.

“All for the better hyung, you can save your life and she can be happy” Doyoung pat his back and told him to do it immediately because he doesn’t have much time.

After a week, Jaehyun helped Taeyong with the process of divorce and will make everything official once you sign the papers.

And just as you thought that life couldn’t get any more brutal, your husband is handing you the divorce papers before you start your car and drive you both home. You never thought that this damn car will witness everything. How you and Taeyong met for the first time, the night he asked you to marry him, and now that he’s completely giving up on your marriage. Taeyong watched you cry while you’re driving quietly and wonder what’s on your mind. Do you hate me? He remained silent the whole time until you reach home.

You look at the envelope in front of you while Taeyong is on the other side of the kitchen with you, waiting for your thoughts. “If this is about me wanting to have a baby- Taeyong I don’t want it anymore just please” you were begging him in the middle of your kitchen, tears started falling and you can’t believe that this is happening. He came closer to you, cupped your cheeks, and kissed your forehead because he can’t see you like this, “We’ve been through so much Tae, you can’t do this to me”

“But I can’t make you happy anymore, someone will fill in my shoes” he kept you close and savor the feeling of your hug that will last for a lifetime.

“To hell with happiness- I’m sorry I was selfish, I was only thinking of myself” you cry some more and stain his dress shirt with your tears.

“I was the one who became selfish in the first place, not you,” you don’t know what he was saying but you don’t care anymore, all you want to do is never let him go.

But he was the one who let you go and you couldn’t get a hold of him no matter how much you beg. It was more than heartbreaking. When Taeyong left you, the house he bought you was never home without him, he didn’t even take anything with him, not even his clothes. The only thing he got for himself is his wedding ring which he will wear forever.

“Welcome back,” Doyoung says but neither of them is happy about the divorce. Taeyong felt strong and healthy now that he’s a spirit again but his heart is dead, he doesn’t feel alive anymore. It’s been weeks since he left you, and since it’s not winter, he’s not allowed to be around. Perfect, he thought. He needed the time to move on and heal alone.

Who knows? Maybe he'll try again in your next life.

To whoever read this, i hope you live a happy life a simple life and you’re happy genuinely.

#nct smut #nct-writers #neowritingsnet #cznnet #kpopscape #neosmutcollective #taeyong smut #lee taeyong smut #nct taeyong smut #nct x reader #taeyong x reader #taeyong fluff #taeyong angst #nct au #nct fantasy au

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hcpefulmarshmallow · 4 years ago

Text

Anonymous said:

Once i saw a video on youtube explaining a certain "anime character type", and it compared Akechi with Nagito. (I dont remember the other characters the video mentioned) what are your thoughts about it? Do you think they're similar?

You know, Anon, the dumb lizard brain that governs my every impulse wants to point at them and say: “mentally unstable twinks with great hair and a Very Heterosexual rivalry with the protagonist” and call it a day. Here’s the thing, though: my feelings about Akechi started strong and stayed that way throughout my Persona 5 experience, though the nature of those feelings has changed drastically since my first impression. (And I quote: “Who’s this Light Yagami-looking motherfucker? No, I don’t trust him. That smile is the last thing someone saw.”) And I want to talk about him. I also never don’t want to talk about Nagito. So you know what? I’m gonna.

Spoilers, by the way.

---

In short, I do feel they fall into a very specific character archetype. Namely: the morally ambiguous foil to the main character. Not a villain, not a hero, but rather somebody who follows their own moral code. With a dash of insanity, of course, because anime gonna anime.

For me, their most intriguing similarities run deeper than a trope, however, and it all starts with this inflated sense of self-importance they seem to share. I know what I said, just go with me on this one.

Nagito, at a glance, seems to have the very opposite of an ego. Forever putting himself down, calling himself all kinds of worthless, and willingly throwing his very life at every cause that comes his way. But herein lies the contradiction that defines him as a character. For all his espousing that the hopeless may never be hopeful, he still leaps at the chance to become worthy. He wants so badly to be more than he is, that he struggles to see a world outside his own perception. He is, of course, compassionate and empathetic; but, unlike Hajime (or even Joker), whose talent with people comes from their respective abilities to remove themselves from a situation and see it as someone else would in order to make a moral judgement, Nagito cannot fathom a world that doesn’t conform to his ideals. Hope and despair, good and back luck -- and there he sits in the eye of it all, defeated yet somehow untouchable. He can’t watch someone trip three feet away from him without assuming his luck has played some role in it.

Akechi is much the same way, though he owns it a little better. He sees all things as means towards his ends. He has his idea of how the world and it’s people work, and therein lie his issues with Joker. Because he plays by his own rules, which are fundamentally incompatible with Akechi’s. Much in the same way as Nagito becomes fixated on Hajime, the Ultimate, talentless, worthless, most shining beacon of hope there is; Akechi sees how Joker is consistently beaten down by life and yet strives to carve his own path, and is unable to cope with either the jealously or the admiration he feels, never mind any combination thereof. Moreover, he, too, desires to rise above and be more than he is: the hero of his own story, despite taking rather unheroic steps to get there.

I would, of course, be remiss not to mention the similarities in their upbringings that lead to these insecurities. Nagito lost both his parents at a young age, and from there, we’re given no indication of any long-term adult influence in his life. Quite the opposite, he seems to have been demeaned and shunned by his extended family at large. It is also implied at times that his parents were not very loving, though there is some debate around that, so take it as you will. Akechi was abandoned by his father who deemed his mother beneath him because she was a sex worker, and was left with a seething hatred for the man because of it. After his mother’s suicide, he was passed from institution to institution, likewise having no long-term positive influence in his life.

Both were left to, essentially, raise themselves; glean their own image of the world and build their moral compass around lives that were unimaginably cruel, ruthless, and unfair. Thus, it’s likely their worst behaviours could have been avoided, had they stable home lives. Of course, this is no excuse, plenty of people grow up in unstable environments and don’t go on to harm others, however, it places them a step above senseless. In fact, they also share an incredible intellect, charm, good looks, and quite the way with words. If you’ve played both games, you know what I’m talking about.

Furthermore, they have this habit of standing on the outside, looking in. Nagito spends much of DR2 implying heavily that he would like to spend more time with the others as their friend, but does little to actually reach out to them. Viewing himself below them, and seeing no reason why such incredible people would want to hang out with trash like him. Akechi also keeps the Thieves at a distance. There are many times when they reach out to him, offer to help him find his way -- and he almost seems to want to. Yet it is as if he doesn’t know how. He has no idea what, besides hatred and spite, could possibly fuel him. Nor does he really know what there is for him to gain from forming genuine bonds with others, or why he should want them. But he does, that much is clear. They each crave acceptance, while accepting it as a lost cause, even as the protagonist of their respective games has their hand out to them. And this, once again, can likely be traced to their equally terrible upbringings, and lack of any real understanding of the world as it is, rather than as they see it.

I could absolutely go on all day down this path. And, hell, at some point, I might. But the overall theme I’m getting at here, is this delicate balance these two characters walk. Being soft and charming, and deadly and dangerous. Intelligent, yet profoundly ignorant. Eccentric and borderline reprehensible, but at the same time, deeply relatable, and extremely likeable. They aren’t psycho for the sake of it, and I’ll argue that to my grave. But moreover, what we have here is the ultimate products of the worlds they were made for. Parallels are drawn constantly between Nagito and Hajime, Akechi and Joker, in a “there but for the grace of god go I” way, and it falls the same every time. Joker forged a home among friends, and people he considered family. Even after being hurt, he found the strength to be vulnerable for someone, and that someone happened to be the right someone; and though these people, he became stronger still. Likewise, Hajime took risks, took responsibility, and became respected and loved through hard work and compassion. He faced his own fear of worthlessness, and in the end, he didn’t fold to it the way Nagito did. He built his own purpose in life, and it was as full of hope as any Ultimate’s. These are feats beyond comprehension to our antiheroes, who may well have turned out to be the heroes after all if they’d only been shown the same support and care. And that’s why I think this character type appeals to so many people, and why these characters become so beloved. I think we become invested in their stories, and we want to show them compassion. There’s a reason why Nagito and Akechi are frequently shipped around, why they exist in so many fix-it fics. At the end of the day, we know the difference between bad people, and people who do bad things. It’s that, the latter may not be beyond saving.

And finally, can I...? If you’ve played the third semester of Royal, they really just make Akechi Like That, huh? In the original Japanese, he was apparently supposed to just come off as tired and not particularly wanting to mend any of his relationships or mistakes since he knew his death was looming, so I’m not sure why they took one look at this complex character development and said, “Hm, let’s just make him balls to the wall, shall we?” but hey. I’ve got to give it to his VA, I had to put down my controller several times because holy shit. Just. Holy shit. Give that man all of the awards. All of them, every single one, please.

#meta;#nagito komaeda #goro akechi #ok to rb #( tagging bc someone might enjoy idk??#i haven't slept in four days appreciate my semi-coherent babbling #no proofreading though we die like men )

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tokyoghoose · 5 years ago

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nous aimons tous les deux jours

pairing: dabi x reader

playlist: things we never say - bad bad habits*, sincerity is scary - the 1975, love love love - of monsters and men, if i go, im going - gregory alan isakov, i dont know me like you do - low hum, if i get high - nothing but thieves ( alice kristiansen cover ), i dare you - the regrettes, problems - deathbyromy, fool of you - meltt, hell and you - amigo the devil, creature - it looks sad, tongues and teeth - the crane wives, hooked ( addicted you might say ) - eleisha eagle, nothings gonna hurt you baby - cigarettes after sex, a dream of you - far caspian, so alright, cool, whatever - the happy fits, a lovely night - ryan gosling

warnings: mentions of violence, brief mentions of drugs for expression, and suggestive themes

summary: we love every other day

announcements!

this is my first try at a enemies/lover thingy! Originally it was going to be an enemy to lovers but i liked the idea that they're just on opposing sides a little more haha. Lemme know if you'd like to see the other one though!

i know there are a lot of hero x villain fics like this out there 😌 this is my take on it, so please bare with me!

feedback is welcome and appreciated! requests are open!

"We really have to stop meeting like this."

An addiction. That's what it is. Either that or it's some kind of reverse psychology like you want what you can't have—because nothing else makes sense. If you knew him as a regular person, honestly you probably wouldn't have given him a second thought. If he was a hero you worked beside—or god forbid a villain—then you probably wouldn't have cared for a hookup or two, but then you'd get over it. It's not infatuation. It's an addiction. It's toxic and unhealthy and it just feels good even if it shouldn't. But the high; the high is unbeatable.

It continues on forever and more. From the moment his gaze pierces yours it's like snorting a rail of coke or taking a tab and the trip never ends. It's not even the fact you could get caught. You two are so damn obvious; anyone who stumbles into an alleyway at three in the morning would see the two of you doing more than what a fight warrants. It's just him. It's simply Dabi.

Romeo and Juliette's syndrome is probably a better term for it. But hell, it's not like he'd die for you. Right? It's not like you've known each other way longer than some days and nights and you certainly aren't teenagers and he's definitely not somebody who moves onto a girl and decides he's in love at first sight just because his 'rosaline' left him face down ass up. So maybe Romeo and Juliette is just lack of a better term.

But it's so unfair. How the hell are you supposed to escape him when it's like he's around every corner. With every breath you take, it's like he's an inch closer to crushing your chest with his. And maybe you want him to? This isn't very hero-like.

"You're the one always tracking me down, doll."

The pet name sends shivers down your spine and it makes you want him all the more.

Who am I? What has gotten into me?

You blame the pink tint to your cheeks on the brisk wind of the night, but the heat to them is a large contrast. You cross your arms over your chest and scoff, trying to look taller, stronger, and broader. Not in a threatening way, but more a warning.

This time you'll really take him out.

"In case you forgot, it's my job."

You tell yourself that every time.

And every time he gets away.

"I'm not doing anything but taking a walk."

He steps closer, the already short distance between you two getting shorter. The streetlamp that cuts the scene in half flickers, a moth flying away from the light and towards the moon. You count three squares in distance and you resist the urge to step back.

"You're a wanted criminal, Dabi."

He doesn't deny it but scoffs anyway, shoving his hands into his pockets leisurely. It's like he's never bothered. You're just a nat he's waiting to squash. You have to remind yourself of that: You're just prey.

"I think you just miss me." His tone is serious, but he's only teasing—no matter how true it is. You're starting to think that he can read minds—it's actually quite concerning.

You force a laugh past your lips, trying to show you aren't bothered by what he says. It's just a game of cat and mouse, and it's time the roles switch.

"Please. I could throw you in jail right now."

"But you wouldn't do that. Isn't that right, bunny?"

Your guard faulters and it gives him the opening he needs to corner you completely—and quite literally. It's a blink of an eye and he has you against the brick wall. It'd look rather suspicious to anyone passing, or maybe it looks endearing. But it doesn't matter, to begin with when it's a barren street. Even the crickets seem to have fled.

It's like wherever Dabi walks, everything else scatters. If it were the sea, you're sure it'd part red.

Dabi smirks, trapping you between his body and the cool, damp bricks. The mist from earlier rain seeps slowly into your hero suit, sending a violent chill down your spine. His other hand touches your hip, fingers grazing the fabric so faintly that it'd feel non-existent if it weren't for the heat radiating off them. You hitch your breath when his nose nudges your neck, his hot breath causes shivers and his eyes bore into your own with something mischievous.

"I-"

His lips ghost the skin of your neck and you subconsciously pull it taut, tilting your head to the side. You're beginning to hate how your body arches into his and how it reacts to the simplest of touches.

Like a brick to a window, your dissolve shattered easily.

Dabi quirks a brow, challenging you to continue as you sputter about. It's embarrassing. You can hear him say it now, just like so many times before: "Oh? A big hero like you getting flustered by a big bad villain like me? How cute."

Your walkie talkie comes alive with static and a voice cuts in asking for help to take down a gang of criminals a few cities over.

My saving grace.

"I-I have to go." You push him away by the shoulders with sudden confidence, but he doesn't seem to put up much resistance.

God, you want to wipe the smug smirk off his face.

He backs off and turns with an unbothered wave, proving his point that you wouldn't- couldn't touch him, much less win against him in any sort of battle. The untouchable.

"Until next time, right?"

———

It's like a new tide from the moon—how fast your feelings towards him change. He's awful. A criminal, a villain, a murderer. He's the literal icon of everything your against.. or of what you're supposed to be against.

But you understand him. You get his whys and you feel his emotion like you're apart of them. You empathize with him and it makes you so fucking angry at yourself because you know—as a hero—you should never side with a villain like him, no matter how much sense he starts to make.

Blame it on his tone and the smoothness of his words. He's just a swindler.

The next time isn't even a full week later. He technically protects you from some randoms in an alleyway and you catch him in the act of it all, turning to catch whoever was following you, only to be met with cold blue eyes and a pile of ashes in front of you.

Of course, it ultimately ends in the same place it always does; his bed.

His scent and touch linger a little too long after these meetings and you decide once again that this is the last time.

It's a real shame you have to blame it on his body heat and not the undeniable attraction you feel towards him. But you suppose that could count towards it.

His hands are anywhere—everywhere—and they leave a fire in their wake. It's too much and still not enough. All you want is to be closer. Fingers in his hair, pulling him into you until you can't, and then pulling him in more. It's like air, the way you breathe him in. When you finally give into dabi it no longer becomes a crime, but a necessity.

It's overbearing and messy and awful, but you can't help but slip into his embrace and into his warmth.

It's freezing and he's the sun.

Tangled in between cotton sheets, you feel him rub circles into your shoulder and you hear his heartbeat. It's reassuring to know someone like him even has one. Then again, he probably wouldn't have protected you if he didn't have one. How many times has he saved you from harm's way? Honestly, one time is too many.

It almost makes this fling of yours respectable. It almost makes you want to admit you're falling for that smug face and bad attitude.

"We talked about what we'd do if we ran into your league again, you know?"

Why on earth would you bring that up of all things, y/n?

He doesn't need to know anything about your career, much less your plans to take his team down.

"Hmm.. is that so?" Dabi's fingers move up to draw languid circles into your collarbone before shifting slightly to loom over you. His other hand comes to rest on your hip, sending a searing, but welcomed heat to the flesh. You hiss quietly at the sensation, already knowing there's a bruise forming from the activities not too long ago. His lips replace his hand on your neck and he removes his arm from under your head to hold himself up.

Your hand finds his messy hair, fingers delving into the raven locks and tugging gently as he makes his way to the column of your throat and to your ear. He nips at it, nose brushing against your jaw; his hot breath creating goosebumps that rise to your flesh.

"I like knowing you think of me when I'm not around, Angel."

The tone and raspiness of his voice makes you groan, feeling him kiss beneath your jaw. You just know he's smirking at the reactions he elicits from you because you can feel it. He enjoys watching your internal struggle. You can't act like you didn't choose to form whatever this is with him.

You tug his hair to look at him, bringing his face up and he almost looks annoyed that you disrupted his path heading down towards your chest. Your lips ghost over each other's and you lean in for a kiss, only for him to pull away and leave you chasing.

"I also like when you call my name."

Your hand falls from his hair to cup his jaw, practically pulling him forward into a kiss. It's rough to cover up the intimacy and need behind it. His fingers dig into the plush of your hip, thumb pressed into your stomach before his hand goes upward with an ulterior motive.

Pulling away from him before he can initiate anything more, you run your thumb across his lips and the silver bands that adore the lower half of his face. Surprisingly enough, it didn't take long to adjust to the different textures

"And I like how you kiss me."

This almost feels too domestic—not that you mind, but you're positive he knows you're wrapped around his finger, in the palm of his hand. It's impossible to hide it now. Your actions speak louder than the three words on the tip of your tongue, poisoning your mind.

It makes you cringe when you think about it all. How easily he can get into your head and twist your arm. Some nights you catch yourself thinking that maybe you'll be able to convince him to open his eyes a little wider to see your point of view, especially when you've begun to see his. They're horrible—the villains you go against, but he makes them seem so different. You hate how he makes you double think everything.

He playfully nips at your thumb when you push it gently between his lips, teasingly. His hands trail up your arms, pulling them off of him and above your head. You're the one who makes the move to intertwine fingers as he pushes them down harshly on the pillow underneath you. Insatiable. That's what he is. Is it so wrong to keep wanting more?

The sun beginning to rise over the horizon and spilling in through the window doesn't seem to stir him as he makes his descent from your lips.

You already know that by the next morning you'll hate him and that surrounds him. You'll hate yourself for listening to your heart instead of your head simply because it just 'feels so right.' It's a constant cycle between the two of you, and you're sure he feels the same. He doesn't agree with anything you stand by like a hero, but there's something that keeps him close enough.

There's only so much you can expect, even when you deny it over and over.

But god, you have to stop meeting like this.

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plastic-modelling · 4 years ago

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Hello fellow modellers,

2020 hasn’t been a very sympathetic year to all if us, and has been beating us greatly badly.

Although like I’m everything in life, there is always a positive in all of this mess that is going around. With the quarantine rules kicking in we have assisted to an increase of people either returning to the hobbies after a long absence or new people trying to keep them self's sane during this crazy and hard times. With this grow I have notice and equal increase to the old question's such as “what tools do I need?” “Which are the best paints?” or “What should I use, airbrush or brush?” And as usually, this creates a lot of debate and confusion, some times ends up creating more confusion than clarity. My goal with this post is to bring some light and offer my personal opinion on to some of this questions. So let’s start.

“What tools do I need to start?”

The first thing you need to think off is that you are starting on the hobby and you are not entirely sure if you gone like and continue or of this is gone be a one off experience and them you realise that is not what you are expecting and end up up with a half model on a shelf abandon around the house. When I started on this hobby, the tools I had was a nail clipper to cut the pieces from the sprue, a couple of nail files, a couple of tweezers that found on the beauty section of poind shop and a X-acto from the same shop. Needless to say that my first builds were something that made the modelling gods turn on their grave, but from those initial experiences I have learned that I truly liked the hobbies and then started to invest on some proper tools for the right jobs. Have bought a proper cutter, have bought an appropriate set of tweezers, better knives and etc. Needless to say that by now have far more than what I need but is always there for a raining day.

In conclusion, if you want to start on.the hobby, don’t go crazy spending loads os pounds to only after realized that you dong actually like it. Take it slowly and accept that your first build are not gone be master pieces. Build for the fun and enjoy it, if you truly like and enjoy it, then think of getting better tools if you font like it at least you didnt bust the piggy bank for nothing.

“Which are the best paints?”

Well regarding this theme, this is a though one to analyse. As anything in life, what works for me, might not work for the next person but at the same time we dont want to give you the wrong advise making you struggle with the wrong choice of paint and throwing you off on your first paint work.

First thing we need to understand is the method that you gone is to apply them, are you using brush or airbrush? If you using a brush, there are some ranges that offer lines optimized to be used with brushes making your first experience a lot easier and pleasant making it more likely for you to continue on the hobby, if we advise you a paint range like Tamyia acrylic, more than likely you will hate your experience and never to want to hear of painting a model again.

The same happens on the airbrush side of the things. What can be amazing paints for some, can be a total head ache for others, personally I cant make Vallejo paints to work on the airbrush even if my life would depend of it, but other modellers think they are fantastic and I totally respect that sometimes the problem is on the modeller and not on the tool. Although, other paints that other people struggle I can ace them easily. Again is all about of what do you expect and how you gone use them, if you going for airbrush, chose a range that can be more forgiven and ready mixed for airbrush, if you go for brush, watch a few tutorials on YouTube as it isn’t and easy as it might look like to obtain a good result. My opinion and that how I have done it, buy a couple of one range, if you don’t like it, look for another one until you find that sweet spot and compromise were modeller and paint are United as one. I know that this isn’t easy, but again, what works for me, might not work for you and I will try to break this down on a future post on the Hope’s of offering a better answer but again and I must stress this point, is all about personal taste.

“What is best, brush or airbrush?”

Now this is the question that fractions more the modelling community, for the majority (me included) airbrush is by far the best, but I’m suspicious, as my skills to paint large areas with a brush are rubbish to say the least. But there are some things you can do to evaluate what is gone work better for you. First thing to think is the finan impact , to get a nice airbrush setup you are looking to spend at least £100 and this is going for budget airbrush and compressor, if you thinking in going to a branded airbrush you are looking to pay that price just for the airbrush. If you comfortable with this financial impact you need to see your work space, is it a well ventilated are or are you hone need a paint booth? And if you need a paint booth, do you have an extraction point for the paint fumes? If the answer is positive for both then you are on the right path to be a airbrush modeller.

Although some of us don’t have this commodities and have to stick to the paint brush . Once again you are the one that needs to access what will work best for you.

Conclusion:

In conclusion, you are the one in control and the one that needs to understand you capabilities and needs and from that make informed decisions in order to progress on the hobby and not to stop on the first model. Please understand that as human beings that we are, we all have different opinion and we will never reach a 100% consensus. We all have different opinions and different perspectives on how to approach the hobby.

We can do is to advise but you are the one in control that need stop understanding what works and what doesn’t work for you. What makes the difference between scale modelling behing a nice relaxed experience or a total waist of your time.

Hope this have helped and more post on the future about this will come .

Happy models.

Plastic Alchemist

#scale modelling #scalemodels #new scale modeller #model kit #172models #148scale #135scale #plastic model #plasticmodelkit #plastic kit #plasmo #plastik

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blackasmidnightcats · 5 years ago

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Continued discussion about Sophie's "redemption arc"

Original post from @agathasarmy

@agathasarmy I've moved this to a new post cause I have a lot of feelings and still want to continue this discussion and I hope you don't mind

So anyways...

(this wouldve been also a great way to introduce the concept of legacies, especially with the past vs. present. vs. future theme and it would also parallel tedros’ storyline as they’re both dealing with the fallout of carrying their predecessor’s glory)

YESSSS

All of them have big shoes to fill because of the people who've nurtured and believed in them

One thing I really hated in the camelot years was the lack of mourning that Agatha and Sophie did for Callis and Lady Lesso respectively.

That is the kind of anguish that I was looking for. Just them being children and missing their parent/parental figure and wishing that they could still be someone's child who could look out for them and motivate them when they needed.

Like Sophie remembering that Lady Lesso believed in her the way that Sophie could never do and Agatha remembering how her mother would have wanted her daughter to live out her life with with love and adventure.

Let's not even get with Tedros (that's a whole other meta in itself)

so far all i got was lesso and hester being the best examples of it, but what i also got from them was that Evil wasnt being cruel but serving as the balance to Good like ok???? what exactly does that entail??

Exactly, I'm really frustrated about this because as much as Soman has tried to make us understand that Good and Evil are equals, he has never actually shown us how equal they can be since all the Evil figures that we have are usually helping Good.

I'm really pissed that the Coven's quest involve them finding a new School Master when they have absolutely no need to do that. They should be doing their own stuff instead. It's the one thing I shame Prof Dovey for.

that was what I expected the series would be: Tedros and Agatha as Good because Good always stands stronger together, and Sophie as Evil because Evil is best alone, but not lonely

I stand behind your point about "Alone but not Lonely" quote because if that does not describe Sophie's biggest problem than I don't know what does. She can have all the fans that she wants and build the whole School for Evil in her tribute and pretend that she's a strong independent woman who doesn't need a man but she'll still feel the loneliness seep through if she doesn't have a closure with her insecurities and envy

instead Soman subverted our expectations in the worst way possible since GoT S8 (dont @ me)

I will stand by you with the hate for GoT s8. That was a trainwreck so badly done it imploded on itself. Recently, writers that have big productions have been having a hard time gracefully ending their stories

EXACTLY I JUST KNOW SOMAN’S GONNA BRUSH IT OFF OR BARELY MENTION IT WHEN THIS KIND OF DIALOGUE IS MORE IMPORTANT TO THE MESSAGE OF THE STORY THAN SOMAN RANDOMLY INSERTING DOVEY AS TEDROS’ GODMOTHER OR REAPER BEING KING FOR PLOT CONVENIENCE

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I WILL NOT STOP BEING SO FREAKING BITTER ABOUT IT.

Soman was off with a good start on that one. I would have been more interested with Sophie trying to handle her narcissistic desires vs her need to actually be a decent Dean to all the new students just like how Lady Lesso was for her. Her understanding how to be Evil and be herself would have been a nice read.

if soman had to bring back a trope from the last era, it would be the discussion of dichotomies i.e. Good vs. Evil, instead of the evil lover trope cos aint nobody got the time for that

YESSS

It's still technically the school for GOOD AND EVIL SERIES even if we go to a new era I was hoping that Soman would still have these as the roots but NOOOO.

His obsession with Sophie obsessing over boys that obsess over her is a strong one apparently.

like at this point it’ just really blatantly obvious how much Soman favors Sophie and I wouldnt be that bothered if he didnt sacrifice the plot or the other characters’ brain cells to go along with it cos to this day I refuse to believe that people really would just accept Rhian like that after reading The Tale of Sophie and Agatha

EXCATLY. I HONESTLY COULD NOT UNDERSTAND SOME OF THE DECISIONS OF THE OTHER CHARACTERS ABOUT THIS.

Like did no one still understand that not everything is what it seems?!

I am baffled with how easy they trusted a comeplete stranger over Agatha who has proven over and over and over again that she fights for the good of EVERYONE and is perfecrly willing to sacrifice her happiness for theirs.

Like at this point I'm thinking that her fairy tale propably does not do justice for everything that she's been through cause if the other people of the Woods read her story the way we did, there would be no doubt that we would stand behind Agatha for a lifetime

like cmon people we went through this already?? a random hot stranger coming out of nowhere??? ITS THE RED FLAG

In defense with them, (and I am saying this very, very off handedly) Rhian did come around saving everyone's asses and was a pretty decent guy (NOT).

WHAT I AM REALLY SURPISED ABOUT IS THAT THEY WANT A PIECE OF HIM AND HOW EASILY THEY TRUSTED HIM WITH EVERYTHING

I THOUGHT THE POINT OF THIS SERIES WAS TO SHOW THAT ROMANCE WASN’T THE ONLY HIGHEST MANIFESTATION OF LOVE, BUT A LOVE BETWEEN FAMILY OR A LOVE FOR ONE’S SELF WAS JUST AS IMPORTANT????

One of my biggest beefs with Soman's writing. He highlights romance too much compared to platonic and self love. I want a moment with Sophie like the one in TLEA where Agatha was getting stressed about letting Sophie and Tedros grow closer and Soman managed to pretty realistically portray that; Agatha was being insecure and possessive and jealous but she let herself reflect on her actions. She made peace with it and faced it with bravery even though it really hurts her. Because she understood that she would never have closure for this if she didn't let it happen.

AGGIE IS THE BEST. I LOVE HER

Why the hell can't Soman write something similar like this for Sophie.

WHY SOMAN PUTTING THIS AMATONORMATIVE BS IN THIS STORY AGAIN LIKE WE ARE TIRED

In fairness, Sophie getting into ANOTHER romantic relationship I will PASS SO HARD.

But for everyone else that deserves some romantic love (TAGATHA PLS) I will accept crawling

also I like your ideas on what could’ve happened instead, with Rhian being more proactive towards Tedros and Agatha instead of Sophie - it would play well into the Camelot myths and themes that I was really expecting in the new era

I KNOW RIGHT?!?!?!

If Soman could only just get over his Sophie Obsession, then he would understand that Tedros was the perfect target for Rhian's manipulations and Sophie was the perfect target for the downfall.

I have no idea how the hell did Rhian think (but apparently it worked because soman plot) that seducing Sophie would win him the love of the Woods.

plus it wouldve been a chance for Sophie to actively help them instead of tearing them apart like in the last 3 books?? like she’s kinda doing that rn but it would’ve been nice if she didn’t have a hand in stealing their happiness like she’s always done too

Well...for me she doesn't seem like she's tearing them apart anymore but I stand with your point about her stealing their happiness.

This could have been good, good character development for her. Her realizing that she keeps making tagatha miserable and stealing what belongs to them and the complexity that comes with her inner struggle between her envy vs love for her best friends.

PLUS CHADDICK DESERVED TO LIVE INSTEAD OF BEING KILLED FOR PLOT CONVENIENCE LITERALLY IT’S THE WORST DEATH IN THE SERIES NOT COS IT’S SAD BUT COS IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE AND MAKES FOR TERRIBLE WRITING IMHO

"NOT COS IT'S SAD BUT BECAUSE IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE"

SCREAM IT A BIT LOUDER SO SOMAN CAN HEAR IT AT THE BACK!!!!

Soman, I will never forgive you for doing this to this boy.

You could have made Tedros and Chaddick have a falling out. I mean the last time that they interacted was during AWWP and Chaddick treated Tedros as crap. I know that all of us headcanon that these two are each other's best mates but they've barely had significant interactions for me to consider that a case.

They'd be so pressured about not followong the legacy of Arthur and Lance that a small problem could propably tear these two apart.

also, on another point, you would think Sophie would be more sympathetic to Tedros situation given that they’re both leading populations, essentially

plus Sophie learned to understand Tedros’ mind better in awwp??? where the hell did that relationship development went (even if she was Filip at the time)??

I am honestly more suprised at how viciously Tedros seems to treat her.

Like it wasn't that long after TLEA that Tedros was perfectly willing to let Sophie stay in Camelot and even asked her to visit but come his coronation (which was like less than a day after) he keeps on proclaiming about how happy he is with her out his life and in aCoT his distrust for her was off the roof.

Then there is the Handbook ordeal with Sophie just completely roasting Tedros like what happend to the two of you?

I don't even understand Soman's decision about this. It doesn't even affect the actual storyline in anyway. It's just Sophie and Tedros at each other's throats.

Tedros has been treated the crappiest out of the main trio (let’s be honest) as if the game was built to oppose him, meanwhile Sophie gets major Soman privilege and is given the role ONCE AGAIN that could change the game

THIS

It's the reason why I can't even read AWWP anymore. It hurts too much to have to read at how badly the other characters treat him. Just reading the first line of that book gets me anxious.

And PREACH THAT SOPHIE HAS MAJOR SOMAN PRIVILEGES.

This is why I was actually suprised that Soman shared that he planned on killing Sophie off at the end of TLEA but we'll never how that story went

like if the School Years was for Sophie to realize and accept her Evilness, couldnt Soman have decided to give Tedros and Agatha the deciding roles this time around given that, you know, it’s called the CAMELOT YEARS ERA???

Honestly, I just want Tedros to have the most agency out of all the characters. Like make his decisions actually matter to the plot. Make him the center of the plot and revolve Rhian's plans around him instead of being against him cause that's exactly how Agatha's role in the school years era was for Rafal.

The basic formula goes like this;

Sophie important to the Rafal's/Rhian's/Japeth's/hell even Evelyn Sader's plan

Agatha/Tedros are in the way of that plan so they have to go

Agatha/Tedros saves Sophie's ass

Sophie making the big decision

Like didn't Soman say that he didn't want to be that repetitive writer? That's why he changed the ending of AWWP because it was too similar to the first book?

WTF SOMAN?

she’s still out here wanting someone to look at her the tedros looks at agatha (honestly big mood right there) but I wish this didn’t have to be her main conflict

This is actually why I'm not that mad that Sophie fell for Rhian. Because at the end of the day Sophie will be Sophie.

But I agree I kinda hoped that she wouldn't be as guilible

the girl is smart and knows her worth so I can’t really understand why she decided to get ENGAGED to the next person (Hort obviously cant count cos plot) who tells her she looks pretty???

NOW THIS. THIS IS MY BEEF WITH SOPHIE.

I can understand why she'd date him but MARRIAGE?! That was going a little bit too far.

You'd think after her engagement with Rafal that she'd be TRAUMATIZE for the next one.

And honestly it would have been hella funny if she did feel this way. Imagine Rhian nearly getting all that he needed but Sophie just straight up leaves him on the stage cause she's still got issues with it.

Would have been my favorite scene

And Hort, poor boy, he needs character development of his own. I'm not his fan honestly and currently, he's not winning me over.

ALSO THE FACT THAT SHE ENDS UP BEING CONSIDERED FOR THE ROLE OF QUEEN OF CAMELOT INFURIATES ME SO MUCH COS WE WENT THROUGH THAT SHIT IN TLEA???? WHY ARE WE BRINGING THIS UP AGAIN????

THIS. THIS IS MY BEEF WITH SOMAN

Can he not understand that she would be crap as QUEEN?

A parallel I noticed with Rhian and Sophie is that they both completely remodeled their respective castles in their image. Not even considering anyone else. And they both treat their faculty as crap.

Kinda tells us that she really would be crap as queen.

At least the Camelot citizens had enough braincells not to fall for this crap

Every other kingdom in the Woods though. They better be budgeting gold to Tedros and Agatha once they're back on the throne.

(and im so so tired of Sophie stealing Agatha’s Ever After from her, indirectly or not, like cant she just be happy for her best friend and move the plot in some way other than this???)

I really do believe envy is only one of the things that Sophie needs to sort out. The fact that she admitted at the end of TLEA that she does, in fact, feel envious that Agatha gets to be a queen and her little episode in the Ever Never Roundtable about how she's the one with the official title of queen and that Agatha isn't even a princess says a lot.

I wouldn't have minded if Sophie had a slight blackout and just lost it and saying mean things about Agatha but instantly regreting it because no matter what, deep down in the foundations of her soul, she loves Agatha with everything that she has. And is she has the be in a constant battle with herself about this fact then she's willing to keep on fighting. That would have been satisfying to read.

I mean just imagine if Sophie was there when Agatha was leading her army and Hester mentions that Agatha is Queen in the School, in Camelot, or anywhere elsse in the Woods. They would follow her. Willingly.

Sophie would have had a panic attack.

This girl needs to learn that she can't force people to be loyal and follow her by making every physical reminder of how amazing she is but instead she needs to lead and make some sacrifices of her own because she's doing these sacrifices in the benefit of Evil and its future instead of herself.

Sophie appreciating people?? Not only remembering them when she needs something from them??? Like @ soman im not asking her to be the next Mother Theresa but I’ll take this character development pls and thank u

I am all in for Sophie appreciating everyone. If she can't do it for other people, then she better do it for Evil.

#sophie #sophie of woods beyond #sge #the school for good and evil #school for good and evil #soman chainani #tagatha #love you too♡♡♡#pls #let us continue our discussion

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goldtips · 5 years ago

Text

okay so ya girl is back at it again. this was originally going to be a reply to someone but well. it got out of hand. i shat all over babylon the anime a while ago and honestly kind of feel bad. there are definitely things that the show does that makes it stand out, esp as a seasonal anime bc you dont expect dir. to spend much time on them!!!! like if we’re comparing this to shows like fanservice anime or any .. mediocre seasonal isekai then ofc this show is better lmfao. the only reason i shit on it is because i expected this anime to be Better ;;;;;;;

mind, i’m not rescinding my statement - as far as i’m concerned, babylon is still a hella frustrating anime because it tries to showcase humans as nihilistic, utilitarian robots that don’t seem to consider the topic of suicide emotionally even though thats supposedly humanity’s defining trait ??? and it deals with the topic of suicide with the care of elephants gallivanting in the fucking savanna :))) the whole show has also been pretty lacklustre in terms of characterization, trying way too hard to be intellectual and feed edgy plot points instead of giving any development - the plot feels reactionary overall and placid rather than exciting. also, the fact that the anime started as a mystery / politico-legal sort of show just makes the transition from that to abstract theory even more forced...........

HOWEVER im promised im going to stop shitting on babylon so lets talk about what the anime does right shall we. more specifically,,, the biblical imagery!!! is great !!!! : D

the show is called babylon. in the old testament (ot), babylon is humanized as a “brutal, callous and proud” woman who “believed that she would reign over the earth forever.” in the new testatment the phrase “she who is at babylon” refers to the new world culture currently at war with the covenant community. in such that rome, as a mistress or whore of the new world, is seeking to seduce and subvert people of god, enticing men to fall “drunk with the wine of her fornication.”

yes,,,, a whore who uses sex to entice innocent men into complying with new culture? who believes herself to be akin to god and also in this context, above the law and morality - im gonna say its not too far a stretch to say that magase was intended to symbolise the whore of babylon.

however, that’s not all - links can be made between the enactment of the suicide laws and the seduction of new culture. who exactly is leading the front? kaika itsuki ( 齋開化 ), who’s name literally means culture. that aint a coincidence. also, that weirdly-placed reference to roman law / norms during the suicide debate as a way to convince the masses to revert / adopt roman ideology??? also not a coincidence. :))))

in addition, there are two other major biblical events related to babylon:

the book of revelations; and

the tower of babel.

its safe to say that both narratives are being pushed atm.

revelations:

in revelation 17, the spirit of babylon decends upon earth through the whore. she arrives on the back of a beast with 7 heads, “arrayed in purple and scarlet”, “drunk with the blood of the saints, the blood of the martyrs of Jesus.” “seven heads are seven mountains, on which the woman sitteth.” the revelations also prophesizes that she will be defeated by a beast, but it is unclear as to which. there are two beasts in book of revelations. the first beast comes "out of the sea" given authority and power by the dragon/serpent. the second beast comes "out of the earth" directing people to worship the first beast, a "false prophet".

in a similar vein, nomaru had secretly vouched for itsuki’s, providing itsuki with the necessary resources for him to rise up in ranks and become the new mayor. the kanji for ryuichiro nomaru ( 野丸龍一郎 ) contains both the kanji 野 and 龙 which respectively mean field (i.e. earth) and dragon. they are key references to the beasts of revelation

plus according to nomaru, it was also purely because of magase that the political struggle turned out the way that it did, meaning that she is ultimately the one controlling the entire operation. this mirrors the way she is sitting on the heads of the beast (i.e. the proverbial brains of the campaign that itsuki is heading)

we also see that when magase uses her powers her eyes and hair glow in a sort of purple/burgundy color to support the imagery as well!

the book of revelations is the final chapter of nt. it is merely an allegory of struggle between good and evil and doesnt refer to actual people or events. kinda like the show huh. nyyy way, we see that the protag john the apostle writes down what is revealed to him through visions to send it to the 7 churches :))

kinda like how zen keeps on seeing magase through visions and has to document !! his findings and report back to admin? ik this isnt exact but there’s a bit where he has to write down her confession and it really struck me as weird until this bit popped up, maybe that was included to as a way of tying in :))

tower:

according to the myth, there were plans to build a city and tower high enough to reach heaven - god who observes this confounds their speech so that they can no longer understand each other. why? because “now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.”

while not entirely similar, we see recurring themes in babylon that deal with miscommunication and new ideology. the conflict mirrors the myth in that unity of language (or ideology in this case) and its subsequent discordance once differentiated.

the interrogation scene in ep 4 deals with reconciling differences. magase asks whether those with different values should be accepted, despite them being contrary to norm. all this time, society has been developing an ideal set of norms - the entire country shares the same values and priorities with no deviation. growth has stagnated. in similar fashion to how god commands for many languages to be created, magase sows the seeds of doubt towards long-standing assumptions and moral values in order to create discordance and push japan into a state of new development

in the new campaign, itsuki proposes to apportion shiniki city from japan and instill new values. this confounds the population and sends them into disarray - the tower that they have created is crumbling, in similar likeness to the parable of babel.

SO TL;DR this show has a really cool starting concept i cant lie????? i for one am not shitting on its supernatural elements (even though the flow was a little inorganic) in hindsight there’s no point in expecting a show called babylon not to delve into supernatural/biblical elements lol :)))

as a right hoe for imagery and philosophy/ethics, this gave me high hopes but the execution of everything else was way below average. why bring in a discussion about suicide that’s poorly researched + try to be edgy abt it and have the citizens to have support it so easily???? ruins the immersion so much

if the anime really wanted to focus on philosophy there should be some mention of ethical theory to justify his point. like, being aimlessly philosophical only ends up being flowery and pseudo-bullshit lmao. one of hte reasons why i was so frustrated with magase and zen’s discussion in the interrogation room. like woman what was your fucking point. its only wasting screentime if you don’t get anything from the conversation. the philosophy was so fucking unnecessary - babylon could have been executed as an in-depth political/psychological anime instead. WITHOUT THE SUICIDE.

this and the lack of good characters really bummed me out. i think that the show was expecting me to connect to some of the characters before they were fucking killed off but i didn’t end up giving a single shit about any of them so. :) the whole show feels more about the shock factor and gore than about interesting plot.

concept 10/10, execution 1/10

#DAMN i had more to say apparently #babylon anime #babylon meta #babylon symbolism #babylon #im honestly tempted to write more about the interrogation scene #this post is more fair at least #i am biased but at least i appreciate the biblical imagery #haha #:))#babylon anime meta

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so-shiny-so-chrome · 6 years ago

Text

Witness: Supergirrl

Creator name (AO3): supergirrl

Creator name (Tumblr): le-temps-viendra36

Link to creator works: https://archiveofourown.org/series/343042

Q: Why the Mad Max Fandom?

A: I’ve never seen the original three movies, so I went into Fury Road having no idea what I was about to watch, and it changed my life. I’d never seen a movie that looked or felt like Fury Road, and it blew my mind. What inspired me to write fanfiction for the movie were the women, especially the sisters. I had never seen survivors of sexual assault/domestic violence portrayed in that way, and it made me want to write about them.

Q: What do you think are some defining aspects of your work? Do you have a style? Recurrent themes?

A: I think the defining aspects and recurrent themes of my work are feminism and magical realism/mythical steampunk, and the intersection of those different ideas. Those ideas are all present in Fury Road, I try to delve into them more and expand them beyond the scope of the film.

Q: Which of your works was the most fun to create? The most difficult? Which is your most popular? Most successful? Your favourite overall?

A: I don’t know if I can pick a favorite work or one that was most fun, because they’ve all been really rewarding in different ways, but the most difficult one was definitely the Furiosa chapter of Our Words. It took almost two years to write because I really struggled with getting inside Furiosa’s head. Even though I enjoy her a lot as a character, I don’t relate to her the way I do to the sisters. Although they’re all victims of Joe, they occupy very different roles in his regime, with Furiosa occupying a more conventionally ‘masculine’ role as an imperator and the sisters occupying the ‘feminine’ role of breeders/wives, thought they ultimately use their different positions within Joe’s patriarchal hierarchy to overthrow and kill him. As a more conventionally ‘feminine’ person, I relate to them more strongly than I do to Furiosa.

Q: How do you like your wasteland? Gritty? Hopeful? Campy? Soft? Why?How do you like your wasteland? Gritty? Hopeful? Campy? Soft? Why?

A: I think my wasteland is a blend of gritty, soft, and hopeful, but I focus on the hopefulness the most. For me, the wasteland represents our current world and my own mental health/life, and I have to believe that we can make things better (as they ultimately do in the movie).

Q: Walk us through your creative process from idea to finished product. What's your prefered environment for creating? How do you get through rough patches?

A: I either write things in one intense late night writing fest, or in bits and pieces over time. I only write when I’m alone, and I like to either have instrumental music playing or silence.

Q: What (if any) music do you listen to for help getting those creative juices flowing?

A: I have a huuuuge long playlist of music that goes with/inspired each part of Words, composed mainly of film and TV scores, that I listen to whenever I write.

Q: What is your biggest challenge as a creator?

A: Finding the time/energy to actually write my fics down. I think about them all the time throughout the day, I am just really bad at actually physically typing them.

Q: How have you grown as a creator through your participation in the Mad Max Fandom? How has your work changed? Have you learned anything about yourself?

A: I think my work has gotten weirder and more magical/mythical, because I’ve been inspired by the inherently weird, quasi-magical world of Fury Road, and writing Fury Road fic has helped me work through my own experiences as an SA survivor.

Q: Which character do you relate to the most, and how does that affect your approach to that character? Is someone else your favourite to portray? How has your understanding of these characters grown through portraying them?

A: I relate to all five of the sisters in different ways, but especially to Toast. Overall it makes writing her (and Angharad and Cheedo, who I also relate to very strongly) easy and fun. I think I’ve come to see that their different archetypes aren’t mutually exclusive-in their own ways, they’re all knowing and fragile and capable, and so on.

Q: Do you ever self-insert, even accidentally?

A: Yes, I definitely project some of my own thoughts and experiences onto the Sisters, especially with regards to their being survivors of sexual assault. But I think that it’s impossible to completely remove yourself from your writing/characters.

Q: Do you have any favourite relationships to portray? What interests you about them?

A: So many! I really love the relationships of the five sisters, with each other in particular but also other characters, like Furiosa, Max, and Nux. I think their unique personalities, their strong bonds with each other, and their dynamic is endlessly fascinating.

Q: How does your work for the fandom change how you look at the source material?

A: I definitely pay closer attention to minor details, like how the characters’ clothing changes throughout the movie, and what characters are doing in the background, because it’s such a detailed world and there’s a lot you can pick up on in those little things.

Q: Do you prefer to create in one defined chronology or do your works stand alone? Why or why not?

A: My series Words consists of several multi-chapter fics and oneshots that all exist in the same chronology, but I also have some oneshots that stand alone. Overall I prefer to write in the Words universe because it feels more real and detailed to me.

Q: To break or not to break canon? Why?

A: I break canon all the time and I think it’s generally a good thing. For me, I’m usually doing it because I want to tell a story that fits into the broader themes of Fury Road without necessarily aligning with all the specific facts of the film.

Q: Share some headcanons.

A: I have so many! Most are in my fics, but one that I’ve never had the chance to incorporate into my writing is that Miss Giddy used stolen War Boy paint to write the words left in the Vault for Joe to find.

Q: What are some works by other creators inside and outside of the fandom that have influenced your work?

A: Within the fandom, @jaesauce’s modern AUs have definitely influenced how I write Toast and Capable, both as individuals and in the context of their relationship with each other and with Slit and Nux respectively. Outside the fandom, I’ve been really strongly influenced by Jo Graham’s Numinous World series, with its themes of magic, the divine, and social justice.

Q: What advice can you give someone who is struggling to make their own works more interesting, compelling, cohesive, etc.?

A: It sounds a little trite, but in my mind, ultimately fanfiction is for yourself. If other people like it, then great, but that isn’t my purpose in writing it. So I write what I find interesting and compelling, and sometimes other people are interested and sometimes they aren’t, but it’s okay either way. As for maintaining internal cohesion, I find it helpful to re-read what I’ve previously written to make sure I haven’t forgotten anything.

Q: Have you visited or do you plan to visit Australia, Wasteland Weekend, or other Mad Max place?

A: I have not yet, I would like to visit Australia someday, and I think the Wasteland Weekend would be really fun to attend one year.

Q: Tell us about a current WIP or planned project.

A: Right now I’m just working on Knowing, the last fic planned in the Words universe, set from Toast’s POV. I’ve got it all worked out in my head, I just need to get it on the page!

Thank you @le-temps-viendra36

#Mad Max Fandom Spotlight #Mad Max Fandom Creator Spotlight #mad max fanfic #mad max fandom #fury road fandom #fury road fanfic #mad max fanfic author spotlight

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whaleyoufeedmenuggets · 6 years ago

Note

Im too lazy to look at the questions so DO ALL OF THEM. (if you dont wanna then go on a random number generator and get 5 random numbers)

ITS REALLY LONG BUT I DID IT KJSHADJS HERE GOES i love oversharing my lifealso im putting a read more line bc its hella long

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

water bottles

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

ehhh depends on my mood. i’d say it’s (dark) chocolate most of the time (love that 70% dark chocolate mmMmMm)

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

cotton candy!! except when it gets all over my face and hair o no

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

common report book comments included

- very active

- bright

- “the live wire of the class”

- usually distracted but still does well

- mischievous

- playful

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

bottles so that i can close it and save the rest for later and not have to chug it yeet

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

sportswear #sweatpantsalldayeveryday

7. earbuds or headphones?

def headphones but they’re inconvenient sometimes :/

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows!! (also, my adhd ass can’t get through a movie without zoning out oops)

9. favorite smell in the summer?

i haven’t experienced /real/ summer (thank u singapore’s tropical climate) but i rly like the smell of rain :”)

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

making up excuses to skip pe

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

belvitas before morning practice

croissant sandwich and chocolate milk after practice

if there’s no practice, then scrambled eggs from the dining hall lolol

if i’m too lazy to go to the dining hall, then cereal

12. name of your favorite playlist?

it’s literally called jams and the description is “a clusterfuck of stuff i’ve jammed to at some point”

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

gummy bears/sour patch kids

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

death of a salesman - arthur miller

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

with one foot up on the chair and the other leg sitting normally

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

a pair of asics sneakers

18. ideal weather?

15ºc/60ºf when its like cool but not too cold but also not ridiculously hot and also when theres no insane wind (a light breeze is fine)

19. sleeping position?

on my left side and hugging a pillow/bolster/soft toy

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

i like the feeling of pen and paper but im disorganized as hell so an apple pencil + ipad makes a good enough substitute

21. obsession from childhood?

frogs (i’ve loved them since i was 3 hehe)

22. role model?

a dude i used to train with for a while in 2014. he retired last year but he’s always looked out for me like an older brother since we trained together (he’s 8 years older than me lmao) and even thought i’m so far away rn he still checks in on me and stuff and idk he’s probably one of the swimmers i respect the most.

23. strange habits?

i cant fall asleep at night if im not hugging something. like. it could be a pillow. or a soft toy. literally anything. once on a school trip i hugged a pair of sweatpants to sleep bc i legit cant fall asleep if im not hugging something.i have no problem falling asleep in class/on buses/cars/planes though.

24. favorite crystal?

idk i never really paid enough attention to crystals to actually have a favorite and know their names. they’re all rly pretty tho.

25. first song you remember hearing?

uhh h h i honestly can’t remember. probably some classical music bc i played the violin and that was my first experience of music that i was actually aware of????

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

switch on the aircon and take a nap / sit in bed on netflix/playing on my nintendo switch. and swimming outdoors i guess.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

switch on the heater and take a nap / sit in bed on netflix/playing on my nintendo switch.

do u see a pattern here

28. five songs to describe you?

jet lag - simple plan (bc time zones suck and i miss my fam & friends)

avalanche - bring me the horizon (pretty much sums up how tf my brain feels)

high hopes - p!atd

astronaut - simple plan

the reckless and the brave - all time low

29. best way to bond with you?

doing dumb shit with me

also Quality Time™️ like idk even if we’re chilling and doing our own shit i like just spending time with people im comfortable enough with

30. places that you find sacred?

idk

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

a hoodie and sweatpants

for no reason other than that’s what i wear 90% of the time

32. top five favorite vines?

I AM CONFUSION!!! AMERICA EXPLAIN

this bitch empty. yeet.

im in my mom’s car VROOM VROOM

the one of that dad playing the saxophone (???) and the kid slamming the oven door open and shut

road works ahead “haha yea sure hope it does!”

33. most used phrase in your phone?

either lmao or lolol or LMFAO or yeet

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

gOD i had spotify ads stuck in my head all the time before i switched to premium and now i cant remember any of them (thank god)

35. average time you fall asleep?

i’d say 12:30-1ish

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

the tROLL FACE MEME LIKE those rage faces idk what they’re called but BASICALLY THOSE 2010-2012 era memes

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

suitcase!!! i like sitting on them and yeeting myself around on them or getting people to push me around and then falling off

38. lemonade or tea?

lemonade

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

ngl i havent had either of them before

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

so in jc2 (aka 12th grade), for some reason PEOPLE WERE PUTTING PRE-PACKAGED HARD BOILED EGGS ALL OVER THE SCHOOL. like they were still in their wrappers and all but u could open ur schoolbag and find like 5 eggs in there. and no one knew where they came from. i think at one point there were even eggs hanging from the pull-up bars. all i know is that they were everywhere and people in my batch still remember it as the egg invasion of acjc.

41. last person you texted?

my mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

def jacket!!! especially when they have zips hehe

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

hoodie

44. favorite scent for soap?

idk man depends on my mood

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

sci-fi bc im a fricken nerd

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

shirt and sweats

47. favorite type of cheese?

cheddarrr also i like mozzerrella sticks

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

a fineapple B)

lmao jk ummmm maybe a watermelon bc when u hit it it sounds hollow, just like how my skull would sound if someone hit it (h a)

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

here for a good time not for a long time

never give up without a fight

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

idk probably some dumb meme. i laugh at a lot of stuff like i laugh anything even mildly funny. some that i can think of off the top of my head are:

- i was tryna type ducky but typed fucky instead and sOmEOnE (could be the person who submitted this ask, idk tho) changed my facebook messenger nickname to fucky and the notification was like ”poopy butthole changed your nickname to fucky” and i think that’s still the funniest sentence i’ve read in my whole life

- one time we went to mcdonalds and a friend said mcfluffy instead of mcflurry and idk why but i laughed so hard at that

- once @doduo and i spent half a chinese lesson cutting out random faces from the chinese newspaper and sticking them randomly all over the classroom and idk. it was the funniest thing ever. until the teacher came over and confiscated my scissors rip.

51. current stresses?

- an essay draft (that i am procrastinating rn by doing this, oops)

- CANADIAN TRIALS (but thats a good kind of stress)

- submitting a proposal for a group project but none of my groupmates are freaking replying my texts ugh

52. favorite font?

avenir next!! i find san serif fonts way easier to read than serif lolol.i like helvetica neue too.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

dry af but also i just got my nails done so they pretty rn hehe

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i…havent had a real job yet

55. favorite fairy tale?

idk i was never rly one for fairy tales even as a kid.

56. favorite tradition?

chinese new year when we get CASH and we spend 3 days just eating junk yEET im rly sad im gonna be missing it the next few years tho

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

hh h h hh hhh hh hh they’re pretty personal i don’t /really/ wanna put it out here but i can text you the answer to this if you want (i’m perfectly fine with that!!)

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

- i think i’m pretty intuitive!!! i can guess anyone’s mbti if i’ve spent enough time with them/gotten a detailed enough description of them /winks/ and i can read people pretty well in general and i can draw links to themes/symbols in lit pretty well….???

- i’m somewhat decent at lettering…i think

- i’m good at pull-ups and also vertical jumps i’m secretly a froge

- i’m decent at photography…i guess….

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

yeet

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

pokemon !!

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

/sweats/ i’m not very good at remembering lines from books/movies/shows WELP

62. seven characters you relate to?

JAKE PERALTA - b99

rosa diaz - b99

linguine - ratatouille (he’s permanently confused and he let a ratto take over his job bc he had no idea what he was doing like damn what a big mood)

dory - finding nemo/finding dory (i relate to the forgetfulness)

percy jackson

kale bae /winks/

mitt (during bad phases) /winks again, but sadly/

63. five songs that would play in your club?

idek man i wouldnt even be at my own club i’d be at home taking a nap i’ll just ask someone else to handle my playlist

64. favorite website from your childhood?

club penguin !!!

65. any permanent scars?

yE one of them was from jumping onto a treadmill going at 13km/h 2 years ago bc i thought i was a good idea

66. favorite flower(s)?

i dont have any

67. good luck charms?

i eat pancakes for breakfast on meet days!!!! altho i think this is more of a habit than a good luck charm tbh lmao.

also i guess pip???? he’s my emotional support narwhal :’)

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

durian. i cant stand the stuff or anything flavored like it ugh.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

red food coloring is derived from beetles

70. left or right handed?

right

71. least favorite pattern?

overly-floral patterns i guessssss. also i hate wearing stripes.

72. worst subject?

chinese

besides that, math and physics

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

i rly like vanilla ice cream and fries

also i would eat ketchup with nearly anything

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

i usually just suck it up and go to sleep when it comes to pain but i guess an 8??? idk. i usually take advil/ibuprofen only for fevers

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

i got my first loose tooth on january 11 2005 and it fell out on january 18 2005 & it was a tuesday (pls don’t ask me how i remember this bc i dont know)

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

tater tots

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

cactus i guess. idk im not good at plants.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

grocery store sushi (it was pretty decent in singapore so yeeeee lmao also i ate a lot of that as a kid)

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

its the same photo for both so yeAh

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

earth

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

idk i always called them fireflies

82. pc or console?

console I LOVE THE FEEL OF BUTTONS

83. writing or drawing?

drawing (more like doodlign for me bc i cant draw for shit)

84. podcasts or talk radio?

neither but if i rlllllly had to choose then podcasts i guessss s sss

84. barbie or polly pocket?

neither LMAO i gave all my barbies haircuts when i was a kid bc i didnt know what to do with them

85. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology for sure!! i love greek mythology (may or may not be bc of percy jackson lolol)

86. cookies or cupcakes?

87. your greatest fear?

losing those i love and care about (could be drifting or actual death it goes both ways)

88. your greatest wish?

rn, for my essay to write itself

for the short-term, to make the olympics (and WUGs…and worlds…and sea games…and asian games…and commonwealth games lmao)

for the long-term, uhhh idk. i just wanna live a life i’m satisfied with and to have a job i actually like and to be able to support my parents

89. who would you put before everyone else?

my mom

90. luckiest mistake?

i always say that i regret doing a year of college in singapore instead of coming here for freshman year but if i’d come in a year earlier like i was supposed to, i proba wouldn’t have made it past swim team tryouts and i made some pretty great friends in my first year of college soooo it all worked out i guessi cant think of any others rn

91. boxes or bags?

bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

fairy lights are rly pretty!!but i like natural light :”)

93. nicknames?

deb

debs

debo

debbo

alpha childuhh h h i think thats about it??? i cant remember any others

94. favorite season?

spring’s pretty great rni like fall too (before it gets cOLd)

95. favorite app on your phone?

insta/tumblr/telegram

96. desktop background?

a photo of me looking rly cool at the starting blocks before a race B)

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

4 - mine (singapore & US), my mom’s and my dad’s

98. favorite historical era?

uhh h h idk the ice age seemed pretty cool haha sike it was actually coldmedieval times seemed pretty cool too like damn i want a suit of armorWHEW I SPENT WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON THIS but i had fun so yeet

also if you read all the way down here ily and you’re cool

#ask #this was hella long #but also hella fun

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comicteaparty · 6 years ago

Text

May 23rd, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on May 23rd, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PDT. The chat focused on Maiden of the Machine by Caitlin Like.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! Our final Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Maiden of the Machine by Caitlin Like~! (https://maidenmachine.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

i think my favorite scene so far is when elizabeth and victor decide to sleep together. part in for its serious drama. theres so many questions about victor created from just the visuals, and then theres the stakes at hand of elizabeth's reputation. but then, there is also a good balance of comic relief to a degree since victor told her to ask no questions and she asks the one question that he probably didnt see coming. all around it was a pretty satisfactor culmination of their relationship so far at a juncture that felt natural.

another scene i really enjoyed was the ball scene where victor and eric are having a chat about elizabeth and then elizabeth and victor have a passionate liason. im mostly a fan cause of the dramatic convo. cause theres a deep and terrible sense that both characters truly know what their risking, what the situation is, and how they still are into each other. plus, its all very tense cause it just takes one person being in the wrong place at the wrong time to blow their cover.

honestly i think itd be accurate to say all my favorite scenes are with elizabeth and victor. romance is one of those genres i can struggle with, because theres always something missing. but oh man do i love the romance in this comic. there is nothing more i want than to see then elizabeth and victor finding a way to be together in spite society trying to kick that down at every turn.

i will give a special shout out to the scene where eric, abhaya, milo, and the cousin are meeting to discuss the affairs of the estate. i just like it because it basically shows all the characters' worst sides. abhaya is brash and reckless, milo is just kind of there, and eric is a greedy mofo. and whats worse is literally none of them thought to bring elizabeth. they may have their excuses of protecting her...but part of me still thinks thats a super dick move and shows even abhaya just kind of views elizabeth more as a pawn than a person. but all in all, nothing like money and estates to show off everyone's worst traits. it is very true to life, and i can respect that.

another non-victor/elizabeth scene i respect is the scene where elizabeth is out dress shopping and eric is like here i got you these dresses. just cause i knew eric was kind of a creep, but ho boy, he dialed the creep up to number 11 on a 10 meter scale. but at the same time, i think that really helped to erase all sympathy i might have had for him. thus paving the way for me to not really feel guilty on elizabeth's behalf for her trespasses against him.

mathtans

Hello, I made it... unfortunately this is a rather bad week, I only made it through the first two chapters.

RebelVampire

i also like scenes with west in them. cause I like that between all the people around Victor, West seems the most honest in a scoundrel sort of way. Which that is basically what I like about him in every scene. He causes trouble and pushes the limits, but at the same time hes always at least pretty upfront about his intentions.

thats unfortunate cause its a great comic, but glad to see you anyway math!

mathtans

Which kind of sucks, I like the whole concept of the kick ass ladies. Even the pirates.

Maybe I'll find time to read more in the background.

The bit I liked most of what I read I think was back in the first chapter, when Elizabeth makes the callback to when she got out of the ropes at the very start of the story. It was a nice subtle detail which I found very clever.

I'm not at your bits yet but I can see how the Elizabeth/Victor thing is being set up. Also there seems to be some question of whether Abhaya likes him... or possibly other ladies? I may be reading my own interests into that.

RebelVampire

you may be reading your own interests but later on there is a female character i ship abhaya with atm

so there is that

i dont think youve met her yet tho

mathtans

Also, yeah, the whole estate thing creates an interesting dynamic. That was a clever way of using the period to generate conflicts.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. A large focus of the comic is on Elizabeth and Victor’s relationship. At the end of the day, do you think the two will find a way to be together? If so, how will they get over the scandal Elizabeth would face and the fact those around Victor want him to marry a titled woman? If you don’t believe they’ll find a way to stay together, what will stop them? Further, given the most recent events, how will Eric Wollstonecraft play a role in the future of their love story? How does the narration framing seen where Elizabeth is addressing her potential son affect your opinion? How do you think that future came about, and how soon will it come to pass? Last, what do you think of their relationship in terms of Elizabeth wanting to make her own choices in life?

mathtans

I ship Abhaya with everyone.

RebelVampire

yeah i have to say if theres one thing i appreciate its combination of progressive themes while at the same time acknowledging that the period was not the friendliest towards these things

especially in regards to how elizabeth is treated since her only purpose apparently to everyone is to get hitched to a titled guy

and i mean

thats depressing

yet also true to the period

even though we get to see elizabeth take a journey and reject those social conventions

in regards to the current question, i am choosing not to think about whether in the long term elizabeth and victor will get together for the rest of their lives. because if they dont i will cry but i could see this realistically being the case given the tone of the narration. cause that...does not sound like an elizabeth who lives in eternal happiness.

mathtans

Back, sorry. Yeah, I'm usually not much of one for period pieces, but I like the narrative viewpoint. Also, pretty neat airships.

There was the point where she talked about leaving Victor behind back in Chapter 1 (I don't recall the exact circumstances) but I wondered if it was because he causes her heartache, or just because it make their lives more complicated.

Incidentally, the first thing I thought of with the name "Lovelace" was Lady Ada Lovelace. The mathematician. Not sure if that was an intentional reference to another well regarded woman.

RebelVampire

i love period pieces but i think the steampunk aspects help twist it enough to make it a bit more unique.

mathtans

(I don't think the time frames synch up but I don't recall when the comic takes place...)

Oh, it's definitely unique. I like the gadget aspect too.

RebelVampire

i would not be surprised if the name choice was purposeful. if only because the comic has lots of strong ladies. i doubt well see any real historical figures though.

i appreciate that the comic actually kind of starts off with the airship escapade

cause it really showcases the ways in which their world differs

where you get airships

and sky pirates

mathtans

That's a good point. Helps with the world building before we get down into some of the classic period issues.

RebelVampire

yes. and i also kind of like it starts off more action-y. not that there isnt action bits later mind you. but more i think it helps set up the main conflict while tying in the romance. because it makes it so the romance isnt some forced subplot. rather its kind of integral and has as much to do with the whole highjacking as the rest of the story. since later on youll see that elizabeth's proximity to victor keeps bring that part of the story into the limelight

mathtans

That's a good point, in terms of tying things together. Also possibly sets up a key antagonist (or at least revenge plot) in that burned pirate lady.

RebelVampire

she does come back

i will spoil that much

mathtans

I figured she had to some time, whether it was by the present updates or not.

I've resumed reading a bit in the background. Seems like both the Watson ladies are doing their best to get arrested. ^.^

RebelVampire

well at least Abhaya is.

cause Abhaya is a risk taker who puts herself in many situations where people are gonna stop and stare

mathtans

Well, yes. But Elizabeth also seems to be taking risks where Victor is concerned. Or at least stepping out of her comfort zone.

Certain people have certain effects on us I guess.

RebelVampire

nah thats true. I just think Elizabeth just takes more social risks. Like not the kind that are gonna get her arrested, but more the kind that are gonna get her socially shunned.

whereas Abhaya is the punch one who is gonna get charged with assault

mathtans

That seems like a valid viewpoint. It fits with their personalities when we saw them in their youth.

The cutting back and forth between the two sisters in Chapter 3 is well done.

RebelVampire

yeah in general i like the PoV switching of the comic. because every scene is pretty well-chosen and advances the plot in some manner. and it lets us see others parts of the comic developing. cause later on you do get to see more of victor without elizabeth some and get to go "hmm" to all that hes up to.

mathtans

Ha! I like Chapter 3, page 31, where all the dialogue seems to fade out as Victor touches her. Cute.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Besides romance, there is a larger plot posing real and deadly danger to the characters. Who do you think the Angel is? What are the Angel’s goals, and why is she excessively targeting Victor? Further, what do you think the source of her power is? Also, what does have kidnapping people like Ambrose have to do with her goals? Alternatively, is Ambrose there of his own free will (and if so, why)? Considering Abhaya is being sought by Amabel for help, what do you think Abhaya will do? Will Abhaya be able to uncover more of the truth, or is Abhaya just going to get herself into more trouble? How will Abhaya’s involvement affect Elizabeth and herself? Last, can Amabel be trusted, or is it possible she’ll abandon Abhaya when Abhaya might need her?

spoiler Amabel is who I ship Abhaya with

mathtans

Related to those questions, I do wonder a bit if Victor has a sordid past or something. Like maybe his empire wasn't entirely built on the up-and-up... with his knowledge or possibly without it. So there could be a reason there for him to be targeted.

I've looked on the character page and I approve this ship.

RebelVampire

oh yeah. Victor is 100% definitely a scoundrel. There is one scenes that really hints at this, but even before that i agree with you. Victor is not on the up and up entirely. I don't think he made his fortune without cracking a few skulls.

although idk if this is what makes him a target persay

or maybe it oes

but more in the way hes done the forbidden when it comes to tech

mathtans

Was he totally aware of the repercussions of whatever he did though? Because the people around him seem to like to keep him in the dark.

brb

RebelVampire

im sure he knew the repercussions. the people around him are more about keeping him in the dark about romantic matters. cause as was implied by one of the questions later on you find out the main thing ppl arent telling victor is that elizabeth is just there to open him up to the idea of marriage so he can marry a titled lady

cause everyone is all about those titles

In regards to the current question while you're away, I think Abhaya will help Amabel and get herself caught and get into a whole mess of trouble that for once, Elizabeth will have to break her out of. But I think it'll be a dual sword cause I do think Elizabeth's relationship to both Abhaya and Victor is gonna put her in the crosshairs. cause like, what an easy way to get Victor to show up. Get Elizabeth, tell Victor you'll never see her again if you don't show up.

as for the angel's goals, I feel shes on a path of vengence against the entire world, but particularly victor cause hes high up there in the industrialist chain

and knows something she doesnt and that she needs to bring her plans to fruition

mathtans

Back. Okay, that does make sense, darn titles.

Interesting, this Angel talk. I wonder if it's the same "angel" we see in the title card for Chapter 2?

Sounds like you think it's not personal, the Angel's path, merely that Victor is a convenient figurehead.

RebelVampire

i mean the angel is kind of the one from the title card. those are her wings for sure, though she doesnt look quite like that the one time you meet her

it could be personal, but i feel like the angel just has bigger fish to fry

from the impression i got from her

since shes kidnapping a ton of ppl

and you dont need to kidnap ppl to your cause if all youre doing is hunting down some industrialist

who almost got caught

if not for abhaya and elizabeth

mathtans

Ah, so she's the one behind the disappearances then.

(Still reading in the background.)

RebelVampire

yes. i mean its pretty implied but you get confirmation later that yes its her. though you can definitely speculate on the why

cause i have no clue

shes still enigmatic

mathtans

Looking for a husband? ^.^

RebelVampire

shes reading the wrong romance advice book

when elizabeth and her meet, elizabeth will point her in the right direction

and the angel is like "oh wait so youre not supposed to kidnap them? huh?"

mathtans

And then we ship Angel and Elizabeth.

RebelVampire

no. ill ship Abhaya and Angel

Elizabeth and Victor are the OTP

i said but then was like "nah id totally ship Elizabeth with West"

mathtans

Heh. That's fair, they are the main couple. Though West is an interesting guy, just needs to learn social cues.

RebelVampire

nah thats why west is amazing

he doesnt know social cues

and is awkward

yet helpful

and hes the only dude of victor's who seems to be in elizabeth's corner

mathtans

Right. I think it was said that he's not used to the lifestyle?

RebelVampire

yes that is what he said

which makes me want a side chapter just about what he did before he came to victor

cause i dont feel like victor would just hire some rando. he must of seen something in west

mathtans

Maybe he took pity on the guy, something about the scar.

RebelVampire

that could be cause victor understands the burden of scars

or something like that

whereas i just think west's scar gives him character

QUESTION 4. Mixed in with the present drama is a lot of unsolved past drama. Who do you think Victor really is? What do you think happened to Victor based on Milo’s story that he was telling Abhaya? How do you think Victor managed to overcome this to become the person he is today? Also, what do you make of the room Victor seemed to have sealed off in his house? Besides Victor, there is also a lot of drama between Jules, Abhaya, and Milo. What do you think happened between the three of them that managed to damage their relationship forever? Will spending more time together heal their wounds, or is it impossible at this point? Further, what was Jules up to the whole time he was away with Victor? Last, what do you think Jules’ goals were for introducing Elizabeth and Victor, and why does he seem immensely conflicted about her presence?

mathtans

Sorry, biab

RebelVampire

kay

I think Victor was some fellow servant kid who was Jules' only friend after Jules got sent away. And then Victor almost died. Although I'm changing my previous speculations. Maybe the Angel is more literal and she literally showed up, saved Victor with tech with the promise to return, and then left. So now shes back for her comeuppance. Meanwhile, Victor decided technology was great and he needed to bring it to the world cause it was what would keep him alive and save others.

as for the three, at this juncture it seems pretty heavily implied Milo and Jules were in a relationship and that Milo called off the wedding to Abhaya cause he didnt want to live a lie in regards to how he felt about Jules. Regardless of the what, while Milo i feel will legitimately forgive and forget, I dont feel Abhaya or Jules will. Abhaya cause she doesnt seem the type to ever forgive ever. And to just hold onto her hatred and seethe. Jules in the meantime I think wont forgive until he gets revenge in some way. Cause the two probably betrayed his trust big time and he kind of got the most screwed over by what happened

i think Jules wanted them to meet for the exact reason that the others implied: they want Victor to warm up to the idea of women so he can get married. However, I feel Jules now feels like a jerk who is taking out his anger at Abhaya on Elizabeth who had 0% to do with what happened between the three. and yet he knows hes in too deep to turn back now.

mathtans

Could be that Victor was initially poor... in fact maybe he married into the company somehow? Could the Angel be his wife? o.o

I wondered about Milo and Jules. My initial thought had been that Abhaya had called off the engagement though, so that's an interesting other look at things.

Jules and Elizabeth were close too, back in the day. One wonders if he's that good at seeing how things play out long term.

RebelVampire

nah its definitely his company. but victor was probably poor. if only cause everyone calls him new money. so it means he has no predecessor parent who made their fortune.

Jules strikes me more as the type who things hes great at planning but really, really, really isnt

and then tons of consequences come about that he has to accept and deal with

mathtans

That makes sense and could explain the sympathy for West too, maybe he knows West even though it doesn't necessarily go both ways.

Yeah, Jules seems to think he's got everything well in hand but he doesn't seem to account for the human factor.

Made it to the end of Chapter 4/Act 1 now. Apparently the Angel kidnaps people to literally graft wings onto her spine. Ouch.

Interesting callback to Victor's wounded leg though.

RebelVampire

i think even more than the human factor, Jules is just bad at making plan Bs for when things do go wrong. then panics and makes bad decisions

like not telling victor the factory is in danger

mathtans

Maybe that thing that Victor has in the factory is a time machine. Turns out he's actually from the future, he brought back all the technology and that's why the Angel is after him, she thinks it's stolen.

You're not wrong there, about Jules.

RebelVampire

ya know...i can support this time traveler theory. i mean it doesnt quite fit considering flashbacks

but id 100% buy victor built a time machine

cause why not

victor is amazing

mathtans

Maybe his company is corrupt because they're still trying to get the patents.

RebelVampire

i mean

its a company

so its probably corrupt to some degree regardless

mathtans

That's also a good point.

RebelVampire

i mean i can point out the fact they want victor to marry a titled lady to be a form of corruption. cause thats just marrying someone to advance your social standing for the business

mathtans

I guess we're near the end... haven't said anything about the art yet. I suppose I like the shading, and I thought the sound effect use was clever.

Need someone to star in the commercials.

"Ladies and gentlemen, my wife loves this new device I call a roomba."

RebelVampire

i really love the clothes. i mean theyre simple, and yet all seem to fit within the period that this comic is trying to go for

but if they get a roomba what are the house wives supposed to do

not sit at home cooking and cleaning all day?

also about the art, i really love the steampunk designs. you can definitely tell the steampunk inspiration in them, yet theyre really unique and not really like any steampunk ive seen before

and i can for sure appreciate uniqueness

mathtans

Yeah, that's true. And there was that neat detail of the corset being laced up the front, I wouldn't have thought of that.

Uniqueness is good. I wonder what the machine connection will end up being.

With the whole "maiden of the machine" thing there. (Won't be a roomba, after all.)

RebelVampire

ah thats a good point as well. i loved that detail about the maid being able to tell elizabeth didnt have a maid

mathtans

Maybe Elizabeth gets upgraded too.

RebelVampire

the comic was about the angel all along

and the angel's victory

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up our final Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Caitlin Like, as well, for making Maiden of the Machine. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Caitlin Like’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: https://maidenmachine.com/

Caitlin Like’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/CaitlinLike

Caitlin Like’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/caitlike

Caitlin Like’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/caitlike

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #maiden of the machine #caitlin like

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fairycosmos · 6 years ago

Note

+ i have a job interview tomorrow and i just cant go. its a rlly good job but i just cant. idk why. maybe its my anxiety or me sabotaging myself again. i know my mom will think im a failure. but i just want to keep studying. i want to keep trying. it just feels more important. i want to want be alive before anything else. do you think im lazy?? iknow you'll never anwser this but should i go anway? is it awful that i never had a job? i just feel like a bum. idk sorry for putting this on u.

hey. no, i dont think you’re lazy at all. quite the opposite. i admire you a lot for caring so much about your studies, for wanting to make something of yourself and for continuing to try your best even though you’re going through such a difficult time at the moment. that’s a lot easier said than done, and yet you’re still managing it, which is really fucking cool. you should be proud. and listen, i’m 18 as well, and i’ve never had a job either. it’s super, super common. it’s not like it’s easy to get a job these days, especially while you’re still studying. and just cause you’re older now doesn’t mean you’re singularly responsible for the financial situation of your family. it’s not just down to you to make money, and that’s not your sole purpose in life. also, you’re definitely accomplishing more than i am, seriously. i know the world kind of pushes the idea that you’re only worth something if you’re constantly being used, if you’re constantly providing money or results or good grades. but that’s genuinely not true. it takes years and years to come to terms with the fact that it’s not true, but it’s not. honestly, how ‘well’ you perform from a capitalistic standpoint doesn’t reflect who you are as a person. how you treat others, how you choose to experience life, your interests and your hobbies - those all say more about you than whether or not you have a job. i know you’re not going to believe me, but you being here is good enough. your presence is the most important thing. it probably feels like i’m lying, and it will for a long time, but if you start letting that idea into your mind, you’ll begin to accept it eventually.

your parents clearly have fucked up priorities. and i’m sorry. because you deserve so much better than that. having a bad relationship with them will always be shitty, and you’re totally allowed to feel whatever you need to feel about it. anger, sadness, bitterness, fear, guilt. process it all one day at a time. as long as you try to cope with those emotions in a healthy way (letting yourself cry, talking about it, writing about it, practicing self affirmations), then you’re doing fine. but at the same time, there comes a point where you have to realize that your family have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about. they really, really dont. if they only want to acknowledge you when you’re in a top school or when you have a great fucking job, then they dont deserve you at all. they wont even give you a chance to find your balance. seriously. they wont even cut you any slack. you owe them nothing but respect and since they dont respect you, you dont even owe them that. i dont know how else to put it but i cant stress it enough, they’re awful for making you feel so bad for no reason. i know exactly how you feel. and it’s just. like there’s no point in constantly overexerting yourself for the approval of people that are NEVER going to be satisfied. how they feel about you isn’t actually about you. it’s about them, and their own fucked up mindsets. you are not alive to serve them. you are not alive to be exactly who they want you to be, you know? this is YOUR life, not theirs. and it’s the only one you’re ever going to get. so if you have to make a few choices that disappoint them, then so be it. they’ll either get over it or fuck off, and either way you’ll be better off. it’s ok to start making choices for yourself, man. and it may take some time before you work up the courage to do so, but that’s alright too. it’s all a learning process.

it seems like your anxiety/depression is the real crux of all of this, though. it’s really worrying, what you said in your other ask. my heart dropped reading it. if you dont confront that issue then you wont like it anywhere, because you wont like being yourself. whether you get a great job, or make a shit ton of money, or continue to study. whatever path you take, you’ll only be truly comfortable if you make your mental health a priority. you have to take it seriously. it’s okay to put yourself first, before the people around you, before school and work. because struggling with a mental illness is one of the most difficult things in the world. and you dont have to beg anyone to understand that. are you currently on any medication, or seeing a therapist or some sort of counselor? if you are, is it possible for you to ask for additional support? and if you haven’t spoken to anyone, is than an option for you? even if you just begin by talking to your usual doctor, to see if he/she can refer you to someone? if you’re worried about money, there are low cost/free options, too. it’s just that, suicidal thoughts are not something you just have to ‘put up with.’ and they’re certainly not something you have to deal with alone. others have been exactly where you are, others understand more than you realize. you dont have to hurt yourself outwardly to show that you’re hurting inwardly, alright? if you believe anything i say, believe that. your life is so precious and rare and significant, man. and where you’re at right now truly isn’t where you’re always going to be. you’re not trapped, you have a choice to make. making the conscious effort to seek help, to admit that you need some guidance, will make a massive difference in your perception of everything. if you work closely with a professional, then you’ll be able to create a care plan for yourself, you’ll be able to learn how to incorporate healthy coping mechanisms into your life, you’ll be able to find the root causes of why you feel the way you do. you’ll be able to talk openly about your family, and the way they make you feel, and your worries about the future. all of that will make the pain manageable. there is treatment available. it wont be an instant improvement, but reaching out is a wonderful place to start. your mental health is just as important as your physical health. and of course, there will always be a part of your mind that tries to talk you out of it. there’ll always be that moment of anxiety/fear, when you dont know what you’re doing. but you need to try to look past that, and to have a bit of empathy for your future self. temporary feelings should never stop you from getting the care that you need. so even if you just begin by calling a hotline to see what they think you should do next, then that’s still something to be v proud of.

i know it’s hard. i get it. i understand more than i can put into words. and i know that asking for help is a massive step. i’m not saying you have to make any big decisions right now. i’m just asking you to consider it, consider yourself for once in your life. i know there are days where you feel like living like this isn’t worth it at all. you dont want to live like this anymore, right? and you dont have to, but killing yourself wont solve anything. it’s ok to feel like giving up sometimes. as long as you know the difference between having a thought, and actually acting on it. you dont have to lean into the pain, you can just let it wash over you. your mental illnesses and your family and all of the bullshit is stopping you from seeing how wonderful and worthy you are, how much life still has to offer you. there’s so much you haven’t experienced. there is so much happiness waiting in the future. it won’t be constant, but it’ll become a theme in your life. you have all of the time in the world to figure things out. this is the exact age that you’re supposed to be confused and lost, and to not know what to do. you don’t have to have everything worked out right now. you’re doing so much better than you think you are, i promise. the only thing you have to worry about is taking care of yourself. that’s the only thing that’s truly in your control. you can create a better environment for yourself. you can create a life that you dont want to escape from, and that’s what you truly need. not to die but to re-envision your own existence. it’s healthy to do that from time to time.

as a sidenote, it’s completely up to you whether or not you go to the job interview. there’s no pressure, there’s no wrong answer. but i just hope you know it’s okay to take things at your own pace, regardless of what your dumb ass family has to say. i think the smartest move for you to make is to put all of your energy into reaching out for help. continue to study, just put it on the back burner for now. continue to look for a job (tho i think smth part time is realistically a better option for you), but dont put all of your self worth into it. more than anything, this is a transitional period in your life. it’s the stepping stone between here and there. uncertainty is to be expected, anxiety is to be expected, but that doesn’t mean you have to handle it all on your own. i believe with all of my heart that you’re going to be okay. you said ‘i want to be alive before anything else.’ you should always hold onto that. you’re so fucking capable, and you’re so much stronger than you realize, dude. i’m not bullshitting. i’m being straight up. keep taking it one day at a time. if that feels like too much, one hour at a time. even getting through one minute at a time is something to celebrate. look at the next 24 hours of your life, and see what you can do in that time to help yourself - fuck everything else. i’m always here if you need a friend, or if you want to talk about this properly. i’m sorry i couldn’t be of more help. if you ever need anyone, hmu. if you think you’re going to do something, hmu. and please stick around. you’re not going to regret it.

http://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines

#tw suicide #anon #long post #chloe makes no sense for 80 paragraphs straight part 2000 #this isn't how i wanted to say this but i hope the sentiment gets thru #is there any way to prevent people that dont want to see anons from seeing them ???

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