#even these things are not entirely strictly correct

[sukirichi]

[ DUSK ‘TILL DAWN : 011 ]

“we who bear the burden of the crown do not need to love. you only need to stay here, with me, in power, in greed, in lust – in victory.”

cw. 18+.modern royal au. infidelity. angst. reader is confused with her feelings. toxic characters. toxic relationships. smut. unedited. implied dub-con. smoking. getting drunk. physical violence.

notes. @sunasbabie bullied me into updating so here it is. alsoo the start of suna’s downfall arc???

wc. 11.8k

series masterlist 

[ ELEVEN ] I care, I care, I care like perfume that you wear, I linger all the time, watchin’, hidden in plain sight. ooh I try, I try, I try, but it takes over my life. I see you everywhere, the sweetest torture one could bear

Rintaro had known from a very young age he was different.

He had brothers, quite a number of them, and yet even when everyone had their own maids and butlers, Rintaro stuck out like a sore thumb. For one, they were strictly not allowed to call him by his name. He was never Rintaro – always His Highness or Crown Prince. He was never allowed to play with his brothers, either, despite being close in age to most of them. Instead, he stood watching from the windows of his study as they frolicked and lived like normal boys. They attended school, played sports, made friends – the normal way of living, even for Princes. But Rintaro wasn’t like that. Her Majesty had different expectations for him. That because he was the only son of the King and Queen, he simply had to be better than the rest.

No, he had to be the best, and he believed it at some point.

Until Her Majesty announced it was about time he learned some ‘proper socializing’ into society. She’d enrolled him in the same private academy as his brothers, got chauffeured to and fro, and was expected to give nothing but the best of grades when he returned. It sounded simple enough – study, excel, and prepare himself for the throne.

No one had warned him that high school came with other unexpected surprises, one that came in the form of a brown eyed beauty he’d been eyeing since his first day.

Her name was Iris – top of the class, all long, lean legs, and a mop of long, wavy hair. It was hard not to notice her. She was popular, in the way that everyone asked her for her notes, and you could trust her to whisper the correct answer when you’d been called to recite in the middle of the class. An academic overachiever, a teacher’s pet – they all had some sort of name for her. A stickler for the rules, too, always appropriately dressed and speaking in polite, clipped tones. She spoke in a manner elders would love, and Rintaro found that fact rather endearing. He wasn’t a great reader of people, but he could tell one thing: Iris was not her true self.

Her smile might be respectful, but something about the way her lips twitched when being told what to do gave him an idea that perhaps she wasn’t as obedient as she made herself to be. And she was always helping others, putting others before herself, but she never did it looking satisfied.

Rather, it seemed that her actions always stemmed from one thing: obligation.

Iris was not who she is because it was her, down to her nature, but because she felt she had to be. It was such a quality Rintaro resonated with. To deny oneself, and to put duty and order first. They both walked with stiffness in their shoulders, with the weight of the world on their heads. They were simply too young to be caring about such. And Rintaro found it unfair – how they’d been deprived of their right to normalcy and had a future they never even wanted shoved down their throats. He couldn’t speak entirely for her, of course.

They had entirely different backgrounds – with Iris as a foreign scholar, who had to work twice as hard to prove she was worthy as any local, and then there was Rintaro, who couldn’t really tell which parts of him were himself, or fabricated by the throne.

They were both young people who lied to themselves. And strangely enough, he found comfort in that. He found comfort in her. He felt less alone when she was around, and she’d definitely made her presence known. Whether it be slipping notes into his desk and walking away without a word, or sharing her milkbread with him during lunch – which he found hilarious, yet cute – or when she simply made the effort to get to know him.

Not the Crown Prince, but Rintaro.

She began to ask things about himself that he’d never thought of before. Like what his favorite food was – he blanked out, because he wasn’t supposed to be picky with food, so he just ate anything. Or what his favorite game was, and sometimes, she’d even asked him to teach her, even if bringing cell phones in class were prohibited.

She made him feel like a real person. She didn’t treat him specially; she didn’t swoon or fall to her feet when he entered a room. She spoke to him normally, treated him like a friend when no one would dare call him as such.

To her, he was just Rintaro. He could just be. And before he’d realized it, he began to look for her – in the hallways, watching her talk to her friends, or being curious on what snacks she brought so he could buy some for her next time, or intentionally trying to get partnered with her on any project.

But he hadn’t fallen for her.

Not until that day they’d rain poured over them unexpectedly, and they retreated under the nearest tree. Class had long been dismissed, and pretty much everyone had left – save for the two of them due to a late tutoring session. Rintaro struggled with English, but Iris was great at everything. And it was also a good excuse to spend more time together.

“You know, you’re different from what I expected,” Iris spoke, tilting her head up to catch some raindrops falling from the leaves with the tip of her finger. “When they said the Crown Prince was going to attend class, I figured you would be more… uptight. Strict. Or, you know, perhaps more arrogant than your brother.”

Rintaro fought the urge what she thought of him now. He’d become curious about it lately, unhealthily so. He wanted her to like him, to think positively of him – to be more than just ‘handsome’ or ‘charming’ or ‘regal.’ Because he most definitely wasn’t regal around her. He could be more himself, which is why he slouched, learned to smoke, longed for a tattoo, and even learned how to curse. Because he wasn’t Crown Prince Rintaro. He was just a normal high school student, Rin. Rin who stood under a tree while rain poured heavily against the pavement, next to a pretty girl who wore strawberry flavored chapstick and introduced him to a world he never imagined he could be part of.

If she had said he was regal, and well-mannered, he would’ve taken offense. But he didn’t ask, turning his gaze away from the way Iris leaned back against the damp tree and pulled out a cigarette. Even the way she smoked had him fascinated because it meant as a sign of trust to him.

The good, perfect student Iris was no longer perfect around him. She trusted him enough to let her guard down, and reveal her flaws. She had no need to impress him. In return, it made him want to impress her by mimicking her habits – even if he would’ve never dared doing them before.

“I have a lot of arrogant brothers. Which one are you talking about?”

“The ridiculously tall and talkative brunette in our year.”

“Tooru,” he said, gladly accepting when she offered him a stick. He didn’t light it though, because he was on his way home and didn’t want to reek of smoke. Well, if he was to be completely honest, he hated smoking. He didn’t like the way it burned his throat and made it itchy. But Iris smoked often, and she revealed more about herself each time she did, so he joined her. Everything he did was for her.

“Iris, why do you speak so casually to me?”

She shrugged and puffed out a smoky breath. “You just looked lonely. And everyone treats you like you’re fragile – always stumbling over their words or being excessively polite. I can tell it makes you uncomfortable, so… But if you truly mind, I can stick to the formalities. I just thought you might want someone to treat you like a normal person.”

“No, I-I don’t mind,” he reassured, “I like that you speak to me normally.”

“So, friends?”

He chuckled at that, and he didn’t stop her when she took out her lighter and lit her cigarette for him. He supposed one couldn’t hurt. “We have been friends for months now.”

“I know,” she beamed, “I’m just waiting to be invited over to your fancy Palace for tea parties.”

“I don’t even like tea.”

“Shame. I would’ve killed for some expensive drinks.”

And so their unexpected friendship began until they were practically attached to the hip. Wherever Iris went, Rintaro followed. She’d started calling him ‘Rin’ too, and Rin had to hide how much he liked it. He blushed madly each time he did, and it didn’t help that Iris had become more physically comfortable with him – locking arms together when they walked in the hallway, absentmindedly brushing his bangs back during their tutoring sessions, or laying on his lap when she had a book to read as they hid in the corner of the library. Each touch of her skin against his sent heat to his groin. It embarrassed him, because he wasn’t supposed to be thinking about his ‘friend’ like that, but could you blame him? He was a growing teenager. He wasn’t immune to a pretty girl’s subtle touches.

“You know, you can make it less obvious that you’re staring at the scholar.”

Glancing away from Iris playing volleyball with her friends, Rintaro glared at his brother. He shared classes with Tooru, but otherwise barely spoke to him. Tooru was too loud and confident; a little flashy for his liking. He also basked in the attention he received from the girls, shamelessly flirting with them and getting their hopes up.

Rintaro thought he was an ass.

“Shut up.”

“Well, well, can you believe that? I believe the Crown Prince just uttered a vulgar phrase that would surely displease Her Majesty. I wonder if she’ll ground you tonight for being such a naughty Prince.”

Rintaro glared at him, gesturing to Tooru’s childhood friend lurking in the corner. “Don’t you have anything better to do? Like reject that poor girl showering you with gifts again?”

Tooru sighed, and upon seeing Maiko’s face light up when he looked her way, he bid his farewell. “Don’t remind me.”

His brother suddenly disappeared. He almost felt bad for Maiko, the heiress from the Rai Clan. She grew up having multiple play dates with Tooru, and they’d been close all the way to middle school when she grew a crush on him – a crush nearly bordering on obsession. When she invited him over to play with her new puppy around the ninth grade, Tooru was met with a ten feet portrait of him in her bedroom. Tooru hadn’t spoken to her ever since. But the poor girl was too innocent to understand his rejections, and she kept following him like a lost puppy.

Not that Rintaro was concerned. Neither was his brother concerned with him, anyway, so they stayed out of each other’s way until they graduated.

Sometimes, Rintaro still wished he never graduated at all. Maybe Iris wouldn’t have disappeared, then. She didn’t have a phone, so they couldn’t keep in contact, but even if she did have a phone, Rintaro wouldn’t be allowed to be casually conversing with ‘commoners.’ Her Majesty would hate it. And he wasn’t certain where she went. Perhaps university, but last he’d heard, Iris was occupied with dealing with some family matters, and Rintaro stopped prying. Her family was one of the things Iris never spoke of. But from what little he knew, she only had a loving mother who did her very best to raise her alone.

Rintaro would’ve never expected that when they saw each other again, they would run into one another at the Palace, of all places. “Iris?” he couldn’t believe his eyes. Had he missed her so much he was beginning to hallucinate? “I don’t understand. What are you doing here?”

Iris looked like a deer caught in headlights.

He almost couldn’t recognize her. It’d been years since he last saw her and spoke with her, but she seemed entirely different now. She’d gone back to speaking in those forced, clipped tones, her posture perfect, and her smile a little stiff for it to be genuine. She’d been lying again to herself and to the world, but he couldn’t understand why. Rintaro still found it hard to believe that she stood in front of him, draped in lace dresses with the Royal emblem pinned to her right breast in the way royals did.

In the way he did.

“Your Highness,” she said, her tone sweet and airy, as she curtsied. Rintaro felt his stomach twist. This wasn’t the Iris he’d liked for so long. Iris didn’t speak sweetly, or said her words like she treaded on air and had that breathy, ridiculously feminine laugh. Iris’ voice was raspy from constant smoking, and when she spoke, it was always carefree. She never called him by his official title before, so why was she doing it now?

Rintaro couldn’t shake the feeling he was being betrayed.

“You mustn’t have been informed. I’m…”

“Do you serve the crown now?”

“No, no! Not quite in that way,” she smiled, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. It was then he noticed the ring sitting on her finger. “I was married to your brother last night, my Prince.”

“Which brother?”

“Prince Kiyoomi.”

He felt like his world had been crushed.

He was never a hopeless romantic, but he was learning. She’d taught him what girls liked. And he… he thought she liked him, too. She must have, right? If she didn’t, she wouldn’t be staring at his lips when he talked. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t hold his hand and rub circles along his knuckles when they were alone together in the library. Or had he just fooled himself all this time? Was he really nothing but a friend to her?

Rintaro felt foolish all over again.

He felt like he was seven years old once more, holding back his tears while Her Majesty lashed at the backs of his thighs because he wasn’t able to memorize a clause from the Royal Acts and Commands. He heard the word ‘stupid, idiotic, slow,’ and ‘foolish’ resonating at the study room again, while his tutor shook his head in disappointment. Taking a step back, Rintaro released a shuddering breath. He wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Surely, she wouldn’t befriend him just to make a fool out of him, but if she did… she would pay. He was the Crown Prince. He would become King. He would punish her, humiliate her and put her in her place if she treated him cruelly – but nothing could have prepared him for Iris stepping forwards, eyes drooping with sultriness as her palms flattened against his chest.

Stepping on her tiptoes, she pressed her lips to his.

“But I wish it had been you.”

When she kissed him for the first time, Rintaro knew one thing for certain – she had ruined him for anyone else.

Rintaro isn’t a man quick to anger, but he was getting there.

To leave him for a trip with another man was one thing, but to completely leave him on radio silence was another. A whole week you’ve been gone and not once had you texted. No calls, no voicemails, not even an e-mail. He felt like he had no wife, and quite frankly, your determination to pretend he didn’t exist was getting on his nerves. What had he done wrong, anyway? Hadn’t he been sweet to you before you left? He wasn’t going to deny he made mistakes, but he was putting effort into making it all better. He hadn’t spoken to Iris when you were around. He ignored her, and avoided her even when you weren’t in the same room. And he fucking hated it – because why did you make him feel like he was a cheater when he loved her first?

And now, you were messing with his head. He was certain you were.

Apart from some photographs the paparazzi took of you shopping with Kanami, or sharing lunch with her or having coffee dates, he hadn’t seen you with Kiyoomi. He hadn’t the smallest clue what you were doing. Were you sleeping well? Better without him, maybe? Did you miss him, too, or were you just glad to finally be away from him?

He was going insane with every passing second you didn’t speak to him.

“You’ve been unusually quiet.”

Iris’ voice flittering through the loud noise of the music snapped him back to the present. Right. He was at a party attended by celebrities and models, with liquor in red cups and suspicious leaves and powder being passed to one another – the type of parties a Crown Prince shouldn’t be seen at. But the twins had insisted, claiming he should enjoy himself and ‘do whatever the fuck he wants’ since he didn’t have a wife around to criticize him. He thought it was stupid. He didn’t want to do anything to upset you, but Iris wanted to come along out of boredom – Kiyoomi was away fulfilling their duties for them as mediator between two countries, so she had nothing better to do. Besides, Rintaro figured Iris had been itching for these environments. She’d played the docile and agreeable Princess role for several years now. She must be tired of it, and as soon as she saw the opportunity to let loose and be her true self, she wouldn’t dare let it pass.

And maybe his brothers were right. There was nothing wrong with just taking some time for himself. If you could do it, why couldn’t he?

However, he couldn’t convince himself he enjoyed this party he was in. People were making out at dark corners of the hall, and he was pretty sure there were illegal activities happening tonight. Iris didn’t bat an eye on it. The twins, too, seemed to be enjoying themselves as they flirted with a model he’d seen before, but couldn’t care enough to remember the name of.

“Sorry,” Rintaro said, “I just have a lot on my mind these days.”

“Is it her? You can’t stop looking at your phone.”

Grimacing, he offered her an apologetic smile. Iris didn’t look jealous, but then again, it was hard to tell under the dim lights, and not when she was hugging her fifth cup of whatever foul-smelling liquor she seemed to indulge in. But neither did he want to offend her by lying, so he slid his phone back into the pocket of his jeans and feigned disinterest. “She hasn’t texted or called since she left. I have no idea how she’s doing at all,” he glanced at her, “Has Kiyoomi texted you?”

“As if that would happen,” she chugged her drink and gestured to the doors. “Let’s go. I need some fresh air.”

They exited and walked all the way to the balcony. On their way there, Iris hugged his bicep and leant against him, causing the passing by hotel staff to eye them warily. But Iris couldn’t care less, and Rintaro leveled the staff with a warning glare. They should know better than to say anything. Tonight, the world was theirs. Iris was in his arms, as free as they could be, as free as he always hoped, and he swore he wasn’t going to think about you.

With the fresh air kissing his exposed skin, Rintaro immediately felt better. He wasn’t surrounded by the stench of alcohol anymore. He could breathe better here. Leaning against the railings, he and Iris overlooked the Kingdom of Inarizaki laying beneath their feet.

At one point in time, he promised to give all of this to the woman beside him. They’d talked about having children and raising them in the Palace. How they would make great monarchs, and they could finally be powerful while still being free. With them on top of the world, no one could tell them what to do. They could simply be themselves. But just a hundred times better, because Iris would be beside him and sharing the burden of the Crown.

At least, until Rintaro realized none of that felt right.

You were his wife. He didn’t want to share this Kingdom with anyone else but you, although there was a more worrisome voice whispering at the back of his head – Rintaro didn’t want to share you with this world. He wanted to hide you and keep you for himself. He didn’t want you anywhere Kiyoomi, or Tooru. You were his. He was yours. He’s your husband, and you his wife.

You should be the one here with him, and he should be there with you.

Did you feel the same way, too?

Iris lit up a cigarette. Before he could think better of it, he snatched one from her and she lit it up for him, just like she did when they were younger. Her brows rose at his sudden eagerness, “You haven’t smoked since you met her.”

“I didn’t want her to think I smelled.”

“What’s the change?” she teased, “No longer worried she’ll think you reek because you’re married?”

“I just need the distraction.”

“Do you miss her?”

“I’m just worried.” He gritted his teeth, not liking how all of this just felt… wrong. Iris smelled too much of the old perfume she wore when they were teenagers, and it made him nostalgic in the worst kind of possible. Like recalling a childhood memory you thought was great at the time, but growing up completely changes your perspective on it. Rintaro hated it – how he tasted bitterness at something he once craved so much. Worse, he couldn’t keep lying to himself. He didn’t know where his heart was at yet, but something was different.

He desperately wanted to see you.

“I feel like… I feel like she’s going to leave me, Iris. Something’s changed.”

“You’ve changed, Rin,” she snapped, throwing her cigarette on the ground and stomping at it. Rintaro frowned; he’d seen her do it before when they were kids, but seeing her still do it now confirmed his theory: Iris still had her mean temper. She could never hide it even under silk dresses and velvet gloves. “You haven’t been the same since the honeymoon. I feel like we left behind the old you, and the one that came back is someone I barely know.”

Rintaro couldn’t deny it even if he wanted to. She was right. He’d changed. He didn’t know why, or how, but maybe he was falling in love. Could he be? No… maybe he just missed you. Maybe he just hated the way you seemed so resigned and distant when you left.

“I’m sorry,” was all he could tell her, because Rintaro was too lost.

“Are you changing your mind about me?”

“No, no. Gods, I would never. I just – I’m confused, okay? She’s mad at me, and she just left. What if she never speaks to me again?”

“She will. She’s your wife.”

“You don’t even speak to your husband,” Rintaro argued, and Iris rolled her eyes. Once, he would’ve found her irritation appealing. But directed at him? He just felt like he was being looked down on.

“That’s different. You know, Rin, if you’ve changed your mind about me, it’s okay. I already knew before this most likely wouldn’t work out, and even if you did become King and legalized divorces, what would happen, then? I’ll be your concubine,” she sneered, as if the mere thought sickened her. “People would reduce me into nothing but a whore. I don’t want to be hated just because I wanted you.”

Rintaro pursed his lips. Sure, the title ‘concubine’ didn’t come with many good meanings. But it was all he could give her. He couldn’t imagine making her his wife. Iris had too much of a temper for that, and with all the pretending and acts she puts on, he didn’t trust her enough to treat his people right when she wielded enough power.

She wasn’t kind like you.

She wasn’t like you.

He knew all of this, had realized it just now, yet he couldn’t bring himself to just go back. Running his hands through his hair, he sighed in defeat. “I’ve already gone this far. It’s a little too late to tell me to change my mind, you know?”

“I’m just reminding you this was your choice, not mine. And don’t forget if you do legalize divorces, and Kiyoomi and I did separate, does that mean you’ll divorce her, too?”

He threw his hands up in the air, frustrated. “Why are you asking me this?”

“Because I’m not a whore, Rin. I’ve changed my mind. I no longer want to be just your sidepiece, your secret lover. I have been here with you before people even acknowledged your existence. I was here first. Don’t you think it’s unfair she gets to have you in all your glory and I can only have you in secret? Like what we feel for each other is something to be ashamed of,” tears pricked at her eyes, and Iris angrily wiped them away. Rintaro was frozen to his spot. He didn’t even feel like reaching to wipe them for her – his mind was just in a different place entirely. His exhaustion ran bone deep.

“If you want me to divorce Kiyoomi when you become King, you should divorce her too.”

“That wasn’t the plan. You said you were fine being a concubine–”

“It’s either me or her, Rin. Choose. Who will be your wife? Me or her?”

“You. It’s always going to be you.”

“Do you promise?”

“It’s just you!” he barked, surprising both himself and Iris. He’d never raised his tone with her before, yet there was no denying it – he was changing. Iris knew this, too, and Rintaro could tell by the wicked glint in her eye that she would use this against him.

Rintaro didn’t think twice before he slammed his lips to hers.

If she couldn’t be convinced with words, he would convince her with their bodies. It was how they communicated anyway – all arguments would always be resolved in the bedroom. They stumbled together back to his hotel room, lips only leaving one another’s for a brief moment to breathe, before they were clawing at each other’s clothes. She let out her rage on him by pushing him back to the bed, with her on top and ripping his shirt, uncaring of the remnants. When she kissed him, it was everything but sweet. He tasted nothing but hatred and pure anger as she shoved her tongue down his throat, and he choked, tightening his grip on her hips while she bounced.

They did not make love.

They simply shared their bodies for a lack of better things to say. He bruised her and fucked her hard enough the headboard slammed against the wall because he couldn’t say he missed you. She marked his skin with hickeys and claw marks down his back because she didn’t want to hear him say he missed you.

At talking, Rintaro and Iris lacked at.

But they spoke well enough with the violence of their bodies that by the end of the night, they both knew – Rintaro’s heart was no longer in the same room as them.

You took it with you from a thousand miles away.

Rintaro couldn’t sleep the entire night. Iris had passed out as soon as she’d satisfied herself, and after hogging the sheets all to herself, he’d given up on trying to sleep. It felt wrong to share the same bed with her, anyway. So he got up, showered, and scrolled on the latest news to look for you again. Still nothing – but apparently Itachiyama’s citizens were looking forward to you and Kiyoomi attending a movie’s premiere night.

He clutched his phone hard enough it shut off. Sighing, he leaned back against his seat on the couch, an arm draped around his arm. He’d gone past the borders of being pathetic. Now, he was just eager to see his wife again, but he had no way of communicating with you. So like the pathetic fool he was, he couldn’t stop himself from scrolling for hours when a rapid knocking banged down on his door. Frowning, he opened it, and was met with a shirtless Atsumu wrapped in nothing but a towel – his eyes bloodshot red, though he suspected, not from crying.

“‘Tsumu, what the fuck?” His brother reeked of alcohol and sex. Pinching his nose, he scanned the hallway for witnesses before opening his door wider. Atsumu scurried in without a word and plopped down on the seat, his knees bouncing repeatedly. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I… I fucked up.”

“Yeah? What’s new about that?”

“No, I mean, I really fucked up,” he groaned, his head falling to his hands. Rintaro immediately felt bad about him, Walking forwards, he crossed his arm against his chest, encouraging his brother to continue. “Listen, the party was going great, and Yuki just looked even better in person. And she was fucking funny and so perfect, man.  I couldn’t help myself. But she was flirting with ‘Samu more and I got jealous so–”

“What did you do?”

Atsumu’s Adam’s apple bounced as he swallowed. He couldn’t look Rintaro in the eye, and the latter was growing more nervous by the second. “I may have made her drink more than she can handle… and pretended to be Osamu. So she’d sleep with me.”

“You are screwed.”

“I know, I know, but she’s going to wake up soon, and I don’t know what to do. I left the room, and–”

“Okay, calm down. Where’s ‘Samu?”

“Downstairs, eating breakfast.”

“You stay right here.”

Iris chose the wrong time to wake up. She must’ve heard Atsumu’s frantic ramblings and sat up from the bed, clutching the blanket to her naked chest. Upon seeing an equally nude Atsumu, she screeched, throwing the nearest pillow at him. “‘Tsumu, get out!” Atsumu fought back by throwing a smaller pillow her way. They began bickering like small children, and it was too early for any of this. He could feel a pounding at the back of his head already.

Tired. He was just tired.

“Iris, please, just – just stay here, the both of you, okay? I’ll be back.”

At least Rintaro had Atsumu’s mess to thank. He finally had a good enough excuse to not spend another moment in that suffocating room with her – or any of them. He’d wanted to leave hours before, but Iris wouldn’t have taken it well if she woke up without him. For now, though, Rintaro had to take on the role of a responsible older brother; something he’d never done before. Taking quick strides, he swung the door open when Atsumu called out for him.

“Wait. Rin!” Rintaro paused, raising a brow at his brother, whose face had been drained of color. “I’m sorry… I just… I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll fix this.”

Rintaro himself wasn’t convinced by his words. Sure, it wasn’t unheard of before that the Princes got their sexual needs satisfied without having been married. Save for a few like Wakatoshi, Keiji, Kita, and Tobio who all wanted to wait for marriage, he was a hundred percent certain his brothers had been with women before. This normally wasn’t a cause for concern. But Hiroda Yuki wasn’t just anyone. She was a model currently rising to fame, and not only was she inebriated during the act, but she’d been led to believe the man she took to bed with someone else. If she were to found out the truth, and decided to turn to the media to ruin his brothers, it’d be another issue for the throne. It didn’t affect Rintaro directly, but times were changing – people were growing restless the longer the crown sat without its King.

It was high time they chose a King, but a very few number of Princes hardly seemed eligible.

As much as he hated to admit it, he knew Ushijima was the best choice to be King. He was fair, disciplined, and followed the rules to a tee. He also had a happy, stable marriage with a respectable noble woman, and they already have a healthy son. There weren’t any arguments that Rintaro paled in comparison to him.

But that didn’t mean he would give up so easily.

He wanted the throne. He wanted everything.

Shaking those thoughts out of his head, he headed for the lobby in search of the darker haired twin. He’d think about the Crown another time. Ducking his head to hide his face, he nodded at any passing staff and hid behind corners. It was only a matter of time before Yuki woke up. That presented another problem – should they hide the truth from her and keep Atsumu safe, or tell her what had really happened and risk having Atsumu be kicked out of the Palace?

Fuck. Rintaro didn’t know what to do, but maybe Osamu would.

His brother sat at the hotel’s dining area, happily digging into his meal without a care in the world. Oh, how lucky he was to be so ignorant. Out of the twins, Osamu was the more mild-mannered one and got into less trouble, but it didn’t change the fact Osamu was often the instigator, and Atsumu the willing victim who played into his hands. The situation felt more complicated now because Rintaro was unsure. Had Osamu planned this all along? Had he known that Atsumu wanted to sleep with Yuki and left them to themselves just when the both were drunk out of their asses?

Too many questions, and he struggled to form a coherent thought. But if he were Kita, he’d have this resolved within a second.

If he were Kita, but he wasn’t. He was just plain Rintaro, who wasn’t particularly great at anything, yet had unfortunately been branded with an extravagant title he never deserved.

Pulling out a seat before him, he narrowed his eyes at his brother. It was still early in the morning, so they had enough privacy with only very few people having breakfast. No one paid them any attention as Rintaro leaned forward, his voice low and hushed.

“Where were you last night?”

“Good morning to you, too, dear brother,” quipped Osamu through a mouthful of waffles, “Lovely set of breakfast they serve here. You should try some.”

“‘Samu, I’m serious. Did you stay at the party last night?”

Osamu, the little ass, took his sweet time chewing and swallowing before he spoke. “No, I went home after ‘Tsumu went out with the model. I just came back to pick him up. I figured he’d be too drunk to drive home.”

Rintaro wanted to ask for more details. There had to be more to the story. The twins were both cunning when they wanted to be, although he doubted Osamu would do anything to intentionally harm his twin. It seemed possible, but he couldn’t be too careful. None of them could afford any defamation lest the people decided for themselves how uncontrollable and unruly the Princes are. Their father had already broken the people’s trust by having multiple sons with different women. They treaded on eggshells, even more so when Rintaro opened his mouth to speak, and was cut off by the crowd whispering around them.

He and Osamu froze. They could barely make out the words from their mumbling at this distance, but they were no fools. They could feel the eyes of everyone in the room on them. With their phones pulled out, they whispered amongst themselves and sent looks of disbelief towards the Princes. Rintaro’s heart raced as he made eye contact with his brother.

They both pulled out their phones and checked the latest news.

An article published just a few hours ago trended worldwide at number one. A photograph of Rin and Iris making love could be seen through a window, with the headline implying that they were secretly lovers all along. His heart dropped. He scrolled down to the comments, his fist turning white at the knuckles as he read them.

That’s disgusting! Wasn’t Prince Rintaro recently married? It seems like being a cheater runs in the blood, after all. He’s just like his daddy To think they did this while their spouses were away for official duty… unbelievable. Disappointed, but not surprised. Princess Iris always seemed like a skank. Never liked her. She came to give aid when there was a storm in our village once, and she kept complaining she was tired. Now she’s going around sleeping with other people’s husbands *laughing sticker* lol she sounds like a bitch Is this real?????????? This has to be fake. The Crown Prince loves his wife! Delete this post now! You’re in trouble once the Palace sees this!

Rintaro pocketed his phone. “We need to leave.”

He dragged Osamu by the arm, ignoring his brother’s complaints that he hadn’t eaten his berries yet. One glare shut him up. They had bigger things to worry about than some stupid fucking berries.

“Call Shinsuke. We need help.”

All four of them hid in Rintaro’s room until Kita arrived. It hadn’t been long, maybe less than an hour, but the wait was nerve-wracking. Thankfully, he’d brought a security team with them. The Princes were escorted out through the back doors and into their cars, although it was too late. Reporters and journalists were already swarming outside the hotel. Kita had stayed back to tell the hotel staff they were not allowed to speak of what they saw or heard during last night’s party under no circumstances. The Princes’ safety were their utmost priority. Everything would be dealt with accordingly. Just as they pulled out of the hotel’s parking, Atsumu informed Kita about Yuki, and the situation he left her in.

Shinsuke’s lips thinned. Already, he looked bone tired. Waving a hand, he dismissed his brothers and promised he’d take care of her once she woke up. For now, they had to stay low and keep out of the public’s eye until the situation died down.

“You all best behave when you get back,” Shinsuke warned, “Her Majesty is furious.”

Of that, he had no doubt. Her Majesty had been eerily quiet since everyone’s return from the honeymoon. But Suna knew his mother better than anyone; she wasn’t letting things pass by, she was only watching from the sidelines, waiting to see who would drop the ball first. And to no one’s surprise, it would be Rintaro.

Her Majesty was right. He couldn’t keep this secret affair with Iris forever.

One way or another, the truth would be revealed, and the truth itself would be his damnation.

None of them uttered a word as they sat next to each other in the car. Atsumu’s still bouncing his leg, causing the seat to shake, but Osamu could care less. He simply gazed out the window. Iris, on the other hand, hadn’t stopped crying, her shoulders shaking silently. Mascara ran down her face in streaks, her lipstick smudged and her torn dress doing very little to hide the love marks on her skin. Gods. Rintaro’s headache worsened. If they got out of the car and the paparazzi took even one photo of Iris in her post-sex state, they were done for.

Rintaro could kiss his precious Crown goodbye.

Walking back to the Palace was akin to walking to your own death.

The lobby was torn upside down. Calling it a mess would be an understatement. The Queen stood in the middle of the furniture she’d flipped and thrown, shards of broken glass all around them as she heaved. The pure image of rage – and he had been the cause. “Fools! Idiotic fools, all of you!” she screamed, stomping through the glass as she reached up to fist Iris’ hair.

“Ow, Your Majesty–”

Her Majesty scrunched her nose at the scent of smoke and alcohol coming off from her, further fuelling her anger. “And you! By the Gods, I knew marrying you into this family was a grave mistake, but you just keep making me regret I ever laid eyes on you, don’t you? You lowly, good-for-nothing whore.”

“Mother!”

“You do not get to speak!” she turned to him and harshly let go of Iris, causing her to stumble and fall onto the broken glass. Panicked, Rintaro reached out for her, but the Queen had caught his arm, reared hers back and landed a slap on his cheek. Rintaro was stunned – she’d been harsh and cruel, but she never laid a hand on him. “Do you have any idea what you did? The throne is all in shambles because of you! The Cabinet hasn’t stopped bugging me ever since that article came out, and I have all our lines busy with people demanding for answers! And you dare raise your voice at me? I told you, multiple times, that you need to stop with your trysts. How will you be King now that you’ve lost the people’s trust?”

“He will not become King,” announced a deep voice they knew all too-well. Like a demon that only showed up in your worst nightmares, Ushijima strutted inside the room, an air of authority and finality surrounding him. “I should be the King. Help me have the throne, and I will resolve all of this,” he studied them all – Atsumu with his guilt, Osamu who was too scared of the Queen to move a single muscle, Iris clutching her bloodied arm, and Suna with disappointment written all over his features. “Clearly, he is not fit to lead this country. He is still but a foolish, young man.”

Foolish.

Stupid.

Reckless.

He’s just like his father.

He’d be a failure as King – just. Like. His. Father.

So that was who he was then. A failure. He’d become the one thing he swore not to be. How would you look at him now? You always gazed upon him with stars in your eyes, like he was the best thing to ever happen in your life. No one had ever looked at him that way before – not his mother, not even Iris. In Iris’ eyes, he was simply… a boy. A boy with no knowledge and experience in this world, a boy who she felt she had to teach because he knew so little. Only you looked at him with adoration, and even that had been taken away. Or, no, he ruined it. Just as he was the reason you used to smile, he’d also become your greatest pain. And maybe, once you’d returned him and seen how the entire country and his whole family had hated him, you would see him for who he is too – nothing but a failure.

The good for nothing Prince.

He should have known. The Palace was no place for the likes of him. He should have just stopped trying so hard to be King. He should have never used Iris as an excuse to quell his insecurity. But was it truly a crime to want to feel like he was needed?

He didn’t know anymore. The only thing he knows now was that he needed to leave, and without another word, stepped out of the room.

“Rintaro! Where are you going?!”

He ignored his mother calling for him. Perhaps he should stop calling her that, too. She’d barely been a mother. She was more of a Queen, bending and breaking her back to His Majesty’s will. She loved the crown and the power it gave her more than anything, that she willingly sacrificed her dignity to keep her position. For many nights, Rintaro watched his mother leave their quarters crying, battered and bruised. It was confusing for a young boy like him. Weren’t mommies and daddies supposed to love one another? But the Queen would scold him for being awake past midnight, and rush him back to bed while she limped on her way. She never loved the King, and because he was his son, she never loved him, too.

Rintaro was nothing but another tool for Her Majesty to stay in power.

She could never become King and hold the Kingdom for herself, but he could. Wasn’t that why she kept him locked away for years and groomed him to take in his Father’s steps?

I kind of did, he thought sarcastically, I’m a horrible husband just like him.

When you arrived in Inarizaki, the country was in chaos. People flocked you from left and right when you and Kiyoomi left the plane, causing the older Prince to break his silence and scold the nosy reporters. Flabbergasted at his sudden outburst that seemed out of character; they lowered their cameras and gave you enough breathing space. The peace, however, did not last long. Her Majesty was furious beyond what one can imagine – akin to a dragon breathing fire down to anyone who dared come near her tower. The twins, who apparently started this fire and caused Rintaro to be the fuel, had been shut away in their rooms in fear of angering her. Iris, from what little you heard about her, was being ruthlessly flamed by the media. They’d called her all sorts of unkind things you would’ve never dared say out loud.

But for some reason, seeing their downfall did not give you any satisfaction.

Because at the end of the day, they were the people you and Kiyoomi returned to. You may walk down the same hallways in the Palace, but he would always be in Belleview Manor to look for her. And you were well on your way to search for the Crown Prince who walked out on his mother.

The guards took some time to find his location, but once they did, they did not hesitate in informing you. Everyone believed you were the only person he’d want to speak to right now. So you drove up to the mountains, where it was barren and cold, and you had to use a truck to survive the rocky terrain. Seriously, out of all the places he could be, he chose to wallow in misery at the top of the world – in the pouring rain, no less.

Boots muddied from the storm, you hopped out of your truck and opened an umbrella, clutching your coat tighter as you watched your husband from afar.

This mountain served as a border between Inarizaki and Itachiyama. From where you stood, you could see the two countries – Itachiyama with its rich nature, and Inarizaki with its towering Castles and bustling cities. Once a united nation, now split into two – all because of love. A tragic story, yet a realistic one. It only goes to show how powerful, and dangerous, love could be. You knew better than anyone that whatever made you happiest could also be your greatest demise.

And there was the said demise – crouching as he picked up pebbles and threw it off the mountain wall. He wore the same shirt as from the photograph; wrinkled and stained with lipstick. Even from this distance, you could smell her on him, and you wanted to laugh. Perhaps Kiyoomi was right – maybe they never loved each other. Maybe they were just lonely.

Extending the umbrella until your husband was shielded from the rain, you softened. Rintaro visibly froze when the rain stopped pelting against him. His wet hair stuck to his face, his shirt plastered on his skin.

A myriad of emotions flickered through his devastatingly handsome face: relief, worry, surprise.

You broke the silence first and crouched down next to him. When Rintaro stiffened, you smiled, showing him you were not here to be his enemy. “My Prince. You are a difficult man to find.”

“Princess,” he breathed out, and you realized the poor Prince was shivering. His face broke into that of despair upon seeing you. “I didn’t know you would be home so early.”

“I had some matters to attend to.”

“You saw the article,” he guessed, and you nodded. Rintaro then stood to his full height, and you followed, causing his head to bump into the umbrella since he was taller. For a moment, he crouched to fit in under the small space. But it was uncomfortable, and soon, he was gently taking the umbrella and holding it for the both of you – more for you, though, since rain still trailed down his back. “I’m sorry.”

“It was bound to happen,” shrugging, you gestured for him to take a walk with you. It was far from being the most scenic place to have a peaceful walk in, but it would do.

You two were silent for a moment. Rintaro seemed to have a thousand thoughts running through his head when you finally spoke.

“How are you?”

“Tired. And you?”

“I’ve had better days.”

Rintaro stole a cautious glance. “Are you mad at me?”

You chuckled, and the sound of it stupefied him. His eyes widened as if afraid, but truly, there was no need to be. You weren’t in the mood to argue with him. “Not really. I feel like I was mad at you a long time ago, and now I’m just… Numb to it all, I suppose,” you said, absentmindedly spinning the wedding ring you both wore. Such a simple jewelry, yet it symbolized so much more. When you spoke again, the rain had calmed down a little bit, but the cold had already seeped into both of your bones. “Marriage is difficult. You have to stay true to your vows, even when the times are challenging. In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse. ‘Till death do us part,” you glanced up at him, taking in those handsome features you fell in love with – his hazel eyes, his soft lips you loved to kiss, and his face you often cradled in your palms. Even right now, you wanted to kiss him, if only to give comfort, but you had to know first –

“Do you intend on keeping your marriage vows, Your Highness?”

He averted his gaze. “I doubt our marriage is valid anymore. The country thinks I am a horrible husband to you.”

“It’s not like I’ve been the best wife myself,” you admitted, your chest aching as you remembered the Second Prince – his gentle smiles directed only at you, the castle ruins, his large palms holding you tenderly, and the crestfallen look on his face when you told him you had to look for your husband. Such a great man, but the timing couldn’t be worse. And Gods, you couldn’t help it. You cried. You mourned the love you could have had.

You grieved for the life you could have had, the person you could’ve become.

If it had been Kiyoomi, it would be so much easier. He would love you in the way you wanted. He would you close to his arms all night long because he wouldn’t want to let go. He would chase away those stupid chickens for you. He would hide you away from the rest of the world and given you a life of solitude and peace – it would’ve been simple, and it would’ve been perfect.

But Kiyoomi was already married, and so were you.

And you felt horrible because he was great, but then you’d become a horrible wife. You would be exactly like Rintaro if you had given into your desire and kissed him. Kiyoomi wasn’t yours. But was Rintaro? Your heart was everywhere and nowhere all at once.

Why couldn’t it all just work out?

Why couldn’t it be him?

Wiping your tears with the back of your hand, you forced the thoughts of the curly-haired prince out of your head. “I wish I hated you, Rintaro. I wish… I wish I never met you. I wish you never danced with me at your brother’s ball. I wish you never courted me. I wish you never came into my life and changed everything. It would have been better to never have been loved, than to have loved and been betrayed.”

Rintaro stepped forward, his arm extending to wipe your tears for you but even he could tell you were refused. So he kept his distance, clutching the umbrella tighter as his voice broke. “I’m sorry. I really am. It just… I didn’t want for it happen. You were all I thought about. When you were gone and you didn’t call or texted once, I thought I was losing you. I wanted you back.”

You shook your head. “You cannot have everything you want. You know that.”

His face dropped.

“Are you going to make me choose, too?”

“No. I already know who you would choose,” and you did, yet your heart still ached for him, for your husband, the one thing you couldn’t have. Only you didn’t feel like laughing, not when Rintaro looked at you with just as much confliction. “Is it foolish of me that I still love you even after everything you’ve done?”

His lips curled the slightest bit. “A little, but I am the last man to judge you if you were foolish, which you aren’t.”

You laughed sardonically. “I love you, do you know that?”

“I know,” he mumbled.

Who knew two words alone could puncture one’s heart so much?

Looking away, you both remained silent until Rintaro dropped the question. “What will happen to us now? Divorce is unlikely, but I might be stripped off my titles. I don’t know. But I have a feeling I certainly won’t become King anymore.”

“Do you want to be?”

Rintaro thought about it. “I do. It’s all I’ve ever known to pursue.”

“Then stand tall, my Prince. A future King doesn’t bow down to anyone, not even his Queen, and most especially not when the world is against him. We can fix this. I can fix this. I can restore your glory, but I need you to place your full trust on me.”

The plan you formed in your head would be considered insane. Her Majesty would certainly be furious, but if this was the only way to leave Rintaro, you would do it. You would protect him. You would give him back his power, and once he’s had it all, you’ll remove yourself from his life. He cannot have everything that he wants – but if you could not have love, then you want power. Even for just a brief moment, you were determined.

You were going to ruin her.

The drive back to the Palace was silent. He’d agreed to whatever plan you had, regardless of what the outcome might be. He didn’t even know what you truly had in mind. He just trusted you wholeheartedly like you asked, and told you to do as you pleased. Right now, the Crown Prince was weak. His mind was far too disturbed to process anything correctly. You would take advantage of it, simply because his compliance would be the only thing to ensure your success.

He just needed to remain silent.

Claiming he was exhausted, Rintaro went ahead first. It’d be another night where you’d sleep separately, and you would both definitely be awake the whole time. Just as you rounded the corner, you saw a hunched figure resting against the wall. He looked like he’d been waiting for you for a while. Upon hearing your footsteps, Kiyoomi raised his head – his dark eyes vulnerable, almost if hoping you would be the same as you were yesterday.

You wanted to. Truly, you did.

But the person he’d been with in Itachiyama was someone else entirely. She was someone happier, someone who didn’t have a broken marriage to worry about. She was someone who could have loved him.

Now, you were the same Princess he’d always known – the one who could never choose him.

Kiyoomi nodded to himself. He must have realized everything by now. What happened in Itachiyama stayed in Itachiyama. Pushing his weight off the wall, he strode to you with a blank expression. His eyes had gone cold again.

“We will never speak again, will we?”

“I’m sorry,” you breathed out, “He needs me right now.”

“I know,” Kiyoomi had never sounded so defeated broke, and it broke your heart. It made you want to run into his arms, to tell him it could’ve been him if you met him first. But that would sound wrong, wouldn’t it? He had been first. He’d been the last dance; the destined lover. The fated one. But man’s willpower could be so strong it battled even destiny itself, and you were both nothing but a fragment of the could’ve been’s.

“Good luck, Princess, in all your endeavors,” and then, just when you thought he would kiss you as he leaned forward, you closed your eyes. Waited with bated breath.

But he never did.

Kiyoomi only kissed your cheek, and then his scent and his warmth disappeared sooner than you would like. When he walked away, you saw all the what if’s you had to let go of.

The dream life with Kiyoomi vanished into thin air.

Wiping the tears from your cheeks, you forced yourself to turn and never look back. Kiyoomi was surely doing the same. He’d come to peace with it eventually, the love he could’ve had, the marriage he should’ve had. Itachiyama was nothing but a fantasy anyway. He wasn’t a real farmer just as you weren’t someone he could call his. It was a story doomed from the beginning.

Numbness spread all throughout your body. You’d been too drained to cry further, too exhausted to regret what you’d just done. The voice in your mind, the one who craved Kiyoomi like man needed air, had been eerily silent, too. It was if she, too, knew there was no point chasing after something that didn’t want to be chased in the first place.

All you could do was close your eyes and push the image of Kiyoomi’s smile out of your head.

He wasn’t yours. He could never be yours.

After what seemed like hours, you finally arrived at your shared quarters. The same room you left your husband in, and quite possibly the same room he slept with his mistress while you were gone.

You sighed. Opening the door, you were met by the sight of Rintaro pouring himself a drink. He’d already changed clothes – ones free of Iris’ lipstick and perfume. He looked fresh, much more composed than when he was a mess hours ago, yet he seemed… distant. Usually, he’d already perk up at you entering the room. But his face was devoid of any emotion as he poured wine into a second glass, deftly picking it up before downing it in one go. Your gaze fixated on the bobbing of his throat. How Iris’ lips kissed the column of his neck, how she’d whispered praises into his skin, how Rintaro allowed it all.

He slammed his empty glass down on the table. Leaning forward, he rested his arms on the sides of it, his voice unnaturally low as he spoke. “You know, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”

“About what?”

“Why you weren’t mad after reading the article,” his knuckles turned white from when he tightened his grip. He took slow exhales as if to calm himself, his grip loosening before he snatched another glass.

Back straightened, Rintaro towered over you as he took slow, careful, deliberate steps – akin to a predator sneaking up on its prey. Your heart drummed in your chest, loud enough it could’ve echoed in the spacious chamber, but you stood your ground. You wouldn’t let him have the satisfaction of seeing his effect on you. Then, he stood in front of you – close enough you saw the steady rise and fall of his chest, the tipping of his head to the side as he narrowed his gaze at you. Inquisitively, suspiciously, like peeling away the layers of your skin to reveal your dirtiest secrets.

“Strange, don’t you think? Any sane wife who found out their husband was cheating on them would’ve screamed and kicked already. You didn’t do any of that.”

“I told you already. I’m too tired for any of that.”

“It could be that,” he raised his glass to your face, a portentous smirk dancing on his lips. “Or you could also be directing your affections to someone else.”

“What are you trying to say?”

He rolled his eyes, but otherwise kept his gaze on you as he sipped his drink and taking his sweet sweet time. “I wouldn’t have slept with her if you didn’t leave. You know I despise Kiyoomi, yet you still went. You completely disregarded my feelings when I said I didn’t want you to go,” he grounded his teeth, jaw clenching from the effort of holding himself back. “Is it him, then? Are you choosing him over me?”

He sounded so serious in his accusations you almost believed it yourself. “Don’t be absurd, Rintaro.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I strike a chord?” he said in a sing-song manner, the smile dropping from his face when you kept your lips shut. “So the rumors were right. You went with him to get back at me.”

Your jaw dropped. Yes, you enjoyed the time with Kiyoomi. Yes, you wished you never left, and you were already regretting each minute you spent longer in this damned space with him. Yes, you thought about Kiyoomi in ways you shouldn’t have – and god forbid you nearly asked him to kiss you, but not once did you think about using his brother as a ploy.

You weren’t like him.

“That’s not true, and you know it.”

Rintaro fumed. He flung his empty glass across the room, the shattering sound muted by his yells. “Prove it to me, then!”

“Are you even hearing yourself? I’m not the one who cheated! Don’t you dare turn this around and make it seem like it was my fault.”

“But it was! If you didn’t go around fucking my brother behind my back, I would’ve stayed loyal to you! I would’ve waited until you returned! What, you thought I wouldn’t know what you were doing there with him? Doing fertility dances, sharing dinners with his mother like you’re his wife, lighting stupid fucking lanterns–” swinging your arm back, your palm connected with his cheek, a resounding slap rendering the Prince speechless. He stepped back, clutching his reddened cheeks as he stared at you in disbelief.

“That is enough. Utter one more word, and I will never speak to you again.”

“You aren’t even denying it,” he spat out, “Have you fallen for him?”

You were done. So done. You wouldn’t have any of this anymore. Sidestepping him, you walked past and away from your husband, heading for your bedroom where you planned on slamming the door in his face. You’d cry for hours there if you needed to – anything to have him leave you alone. But your husband was just as stubborn as he was determined, catching up to you with ease before catching your wrist. He spun you to face him, and you froze – he reeked of alcohol, his lips and cheeks painfully red, but his eyes.

You couldn’t tell if he wanted to kill you or keep you.

“Answer me!”

You fought against his grasp. He was stronger than you by all means; you struggled and kicked and pounded your fists on his chest, but Rintaro didn’t budge. He let you hit him however you pleased, demanding repeatedly to tell him he was wrong – how you wouldn’t choose his brother over him, how it’d be him – forever and always.

“I hate you!” you bellowed at his face, falling limp in his arms from all your fighting. “I wish I never married you – it should’ve been him! I should’ve married your brother!”

“That’s a lie!”

“Oh, don’t look so hurt now, Prince. You don’t even feel a sliver of what I do. Need I remind you that you constantly choose her over me, your wife? Why should I be loyal to you when you’re not even mine?”

“I am yours.”

“You’re hers, too,” you reminded him, your eyes glinting with mischief as you recalled Kiyoomi’s words. Just then, cruel laughter bubbled from your lips. Two could play this game, and you would be the winner. He wanted to hurt you? Fine. You could hurt him even more. “You know what’s laughable, Rin? The woman you’re fighting tooth and nail for doesn’t even want you.”

“Shut up!”

You laughed harder, practically shaking in his arms as you did. Taunting him, you nudged your nose with his, forcing him to look at you and feed on your wrath. “I’m right, aren’t I? She doesn’t like you. She’s merely using you for fame and pleasure because her husband isn’t attracted to her–” the breath was slammed out your throat. In mere seconds, Rintaro had shoved you against the wall, his lips crashing down on yours with such ferocity it burned you. Your eyes stung from your tears, the back of your skull beginning to throb. But Rintaro wasn’t done with you yet.

Pinning your wrists above your head, you gasped, and he took the opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth. He tasted like scotch and smelled faintly of her perfume. It made your stomach churn, and soon, you were groaning into his mouth, desperately trying to win in this battle of dominance. He was angry as you were frustrated, your lips molding against each other’s like swords clashing in a battle. He struck first, his kisses passionately bitter, but his taste addictingly sweet. You fought back against his hold, your breasts sliding down across his chest and you moaned – he groaned – tugging your bottom lip between his teeth until you couldn’t tell who the enemy was anymore. You shouldn’t kiss him, you shouldn’t enjoy it, but his lips were as familiar as a sunny day and you were a woman in need of light in your life.

He’s repulsive, your mind argued.

But he’s mine, your heart decided. He was, and always will be, yours. He could have Iris for as long as he wanted, but it was you who’d taken his name. It was your ring on his finger, your face next to him in the royal portraits. You weren’t the shameful mistress – you were the rightful wife. You could have him as you pleased, ruin him to your delight. Break him into thousands of pieces only to pick him up again because he was yours, yours, yours.

Threading your fingers to his hair, you dragged him closer to you. Breathed him in, pawed at his shirt in a demand for him to take it off. He was more than willing to oblige, the two of you making quick work of his buttons in between messy, breathy kisses. Shirt discarded, he grabbed your ass and your legs wrapped around his waist on instinct – the next sequence of events like a movie you’d seen before.

Your clothes on the carpeted floor.

Rintaro on top of you, your fingers intertwined beside your head. His lips on your neck, bruises on your skin and the imprint of his hands on your hips. Your mewls right on his ear. The quivering of your thighs, the stain on the sheets – the day turning into night, from dusk until dawn. He thrusts deep, enough to have you inhaling sharply through your nose. And there it was – the unmistakable scent of a vanilla perfume you’ve never owned. It’s everywhere in the room now that your eyes opened, the hazy cloud of lust ebbing away. Iris’ perfume on your vanity area, a discarded pair of white lacy thongs that wasn’t yours peeking from under the closet, and her scent – her stupidly sweet, innocent scent – blanketing the silk of your sheets.

Slowly, your fingers detached from Suna as you turned to the sides, inhaling the sheets once more because it couldn’t be, right? Maybe you had it wrong. Rintaro wouldn’t do that, he couldn’t be so cruel. You never even shared this bed with him ever since you got married. You’ve never had him hold you close as you fall asleep, never had your head resting on his chest while you both waited for the next day. He was a cruel man, yes, but he wouldn’t dare do this to you. Not while you were gone, he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t.

Yet there it was, the scent of a floral shampoo you couldn’t recognize on your pillows, and the faint smatters of vanilla and cinnamon lingered behind.

And when the damage is done, and your heart is more confused now than ever – Rintaro momentarily slumps before you, held up only by his arms, he realizes too late the tears stained on your cheeks.

“You brought her here.”

It wasn’t a question, not even an accusation. You spoke nothing but the truth, and Rintaro’s crestfallen face said it all. He’d brought her here, made love with her on your bed. Somehow, finding out that he’d fucked her in the one place you found solace in the Palace hurt more than knowing he fucked her everywhere else.

It was as if he’d stained you. Spat right at your face. Desecrated the one place you wished to hold him in, and rubbed it in your face that he couldn’t make love to you in your bed. But he could with her, because it was always going to be her, wasn’t it?

No matter how hard you tried, it was never going to be you.

Silence dawned on the room. There’s nothing but the rapid beating of your hearts, and the soft sniffles you muffle behind your first. He sees two things on your face that night: one of beauty, and one of regret. He dared himself to be brave, to wipe your tears with the pad of his thumb. The motion was oddly comforting, and for a moment – just a quick moment – you allowed yourself to be vulnerable. Leaning into the warmth of his palm, more tears dampened his skin. You were torn between asking him to stay, to hold you until it hurt less, and asking him to leave and give you a moment for yourself.

But Rintaro had already decided.

With a final kiss to your forehead, your husband crawled out of the bed. He glanced at you one last time before slipping his ring off, setting it on your bedside table, before quietly – and resolutely – leaving you behind.

[joe-leviari]

Simon Ghost Riley is annoyed.

" So you ended up working together, you ended up helping one another, you ended up not liking each other. " || Ghost listens in to you having sex ||

for adults only; NSFW; sexual themes; stalker!Ghost; smut; other COD characters briefly mentioned; backstory for main character; afab!reader x konig; no use of y/n; English is not my first language, feel free to privately message me to correct any mistakes.

Much to Ghost’s annoyance, they need you. 

You being the highly-trained-deadly-skilled-gun-for-hire of a now nearly collapsed criminal enterprise, and the only one left alive with the intel that they need. 

But that’s alright, because, as it turns out, you need them. 

Them being the task force 141, the very same that has been sistematically dismantling the above mentioned criminal empire and hunting down the above mentioned highly-trained-deadly-skilled-gun-for-hire. Little-fucking-nuisance, according to Simon. 

So you ended up working together, you ended up helping one another, you ended up not liking each other. 

Much to Ghost’s annoyance, judging by the way Gaz has been telling you stories from his childhood, the way Price has been calling you silly nicknames through the crackling comms, and the way Soap has taken the habit to fully lean into you every time you show him something stupid on your phone, the only one who doesn’t really like you is Ghost himself. 

Not liking you is fine; that’s something he can deal with for the simple fact that he does not really have to deal with it. Disliking you is a mere subjective perception that he acknowledges in passing, almost distractingly, when he lays his eyes on you. The real problem is that he does not fucking trust you. Now that’s something he has to deal with; that’s HIS duty, that’s HIS team. 

Sure, you are constantly monitored, they are not stupid: you have lived most of your life like a criminal, surrounded by criminals. You have the resources, the knowledge, and fairly good reasons to fuck them over. That’s why you are never left alone and never trusted to carry any weapons unless strictly necessary. Your location is always traced, your heartbeat is polygraph-tested every time you have to be questioned.  The thing is, you were very well made aware of all this when you signed on the dotted line the day that Laswell came to see you in the prison’s infirmary. 

A few days later, there you were, with a bruised face and an even more bruised ego, getting yourself nice and comfy in the room down the hall. 

So it was for the sake of HIS team that Simon had to break into the room down the hall to carefully bug it. With a bit of patience, he will find something compromising that will force Laswell - who seemed to take a shine on you for whatever bloody reason - to send you back to prison. Or anywhere else, really, as long as you were out of sight. And with that, out of mind. 

Much to Ghost's annoyance, you moan differently than he expected. Simon assumed, definitely assumed, and NEVER fantasized that you would moan like a fucking pornstar. 

No, this… This is something entirely different. And now that it thinks about it, it is more like you. You have a wicked sweetness about you, the kind that makes men want to either break you or protect you. 

You have the cheekiness that gets you in trouble—the same one that gets you out of it. Ghost adjusts the ear buds in his ears and draws his eyebrows together. 

The man on you (behind you? Under you? Most definitely inside you) is babbling, grunting, and moaning, visceral and guttural. And you... You sound breathy and airy and wet and light. In a delicate voice, you are giving him directions, but you have to repeat yourself a few times before he snaps out of his daze and complies. And when he finally does, oh, you are all praise. 

How the fuck did he menage to get into your pants? And why, on God’s green earth, would you let him?

Ghost has witnessed you flirt before: sometimes you were just doing your job, other times you were having fun dancing with recruits in bars, flashing them a little smile with a pretty blush on your face. You were quick to throw them a bait and even quicker to retrieve it. “Don’t push your luck, soldier” you would say with an easy grin. Cheeky little thing. 

Simon would scoff at your antics and at the men and women who would fall for your little act. That’s why he is so surprised now, because with you, everything seems to be either an act or a transaction. I’ll give you what you need if you offer me something better first.

That’s what he thought you were doing with Konig when he caught you complimenting his skills and commenting on his strength. Just being smart, just trying to have one more ally. 

But the way you were panting, mewling, and pleading told him a different story. You could not be trusted. And now HIS team is in danger because you couldn’t keep your legs shut. Are your legs actually wide open? Are they on his shoulders? No, Ghost is not thinking about your legs. Instead, he is thinking that he wouldn’t need you to give him pointers on how to adjust the rhythm or how to angle himself to hit your sweet spot. With one hand on your mouth, he’d know exactly what to do to you. You wouldn’t need to say please and thank you; you wouldn’t need to be so polite. 

Simon is startled when you let out a sudden giggle, immediately followed by a whimper. You are confusing, half crying and half elated, half begging to stop and half begging to continue. It’s intimate—you sound so defenseless, so vulnerable. You are definitely not to be trusted. 

Much to Ghost’s annoyance, a little escapade with a fellow soldier is not enough to get you to fuck off somewhere else—somewhere far, far away from him. If that were to be enough, the base would be empty by now. He just has to be a little more patient and wait until he hears you say something compromising to the mercenary (or any other bastard that you’ll let into your bed, for that matter, a slut like you). Eventually you'll let something slip that will put the safety of the team at risk and thwart your credibility in the process.

Ghost is just going to have to endure more of this bullshit, and THAT is what annoys him the most. Not the fact that while listening to you, he is reminded of that one time when you dislocated your shoulder. He lets his focus drift to your moaning, desperately trying to conjure the memory of the way you turned your big, watery eyes on him, looking like a wounded animal. He can see it now; he can hear it now—the barely audible plea that escaped your lips, “Please, please don’t hurt me,"  as he was grabbing your arm and trying to fix you. It is only a pang in the pit of his stomach that snaps him out of it; he should not find the idea of you getting hurt so damn erotic. 

You little fucking nuisance.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi sex batman <3!!! i know people have a knack for thinking their problems are strictly unique or worse on the broad scale of people who have the same problems, and im definitely falling into that pattern, but i just wanted to know what you think about this. gotta ask the professional.

so basically, i am a lesbian with a vag. and also a virgin. this, in my experience, makes it sort of hard to ‘confirm’ im a lesbian to myself (weird and insecure of me, i know.) don’t get me wrong, it is completely ok to be a lesbian and not wanting to have sex, but the thing is, i do actually wanna have sex (i literally jork to thoughts of women). my problem gets a bit more complicated to me tho, as I’ve also had thoughts (and even like a singular dream) of being in romantic and sexual relationships with men, even though I have no actual interest in doing that (circling back to that dream, it was a sexual one with a dude.) so basically before it sounds like im asking you to magically conjure up my sexuality even more, (sorry, sex batman!) is it like entirely unheard of to be aroused at the concept of being plowed by a guy even though you strictly thought of yourself as lesbian, especially when you have no interest in acting on those fantasies? and even when you haven’t been like that sexually with a guy, girl, or anyone else? just want a little perspective from someone else who isn’t me or heterosexual :)

hi anon,

well, evidently it's not unheard of to be a lesbian who has sexually fantasies about men, because you're doing that. so it's been heard of!

listen. if you know that I believe people have a bad tendency to assume their problems are uniquely terrible, then I hope you also know that I really truly absolutely do not believe anybody's sexual fantasies should be assumed to be a 1:1 representation of shit that they actually want to see or do in real life.

you can fantasize about whatever you want. made up things that happen in your head don't have any bearing on who you are or what you can call yourself. to that last point, nothing has any bearing on what you call yourself except for you and what terminology feels most correct to you.

[charles-leclerc-official]

2024 Monza Grand Prix Race Analysis

Charles brought home his second career victory at Monza with one of the most impressive drives of the season. Let's take a look at exactly how he pulled it off.

Table of Contents Ferrari - Charles - Strategy - Tyre Management - Data Analysis Carlos Mclaren - Team strategy - Oscar - Lap 1 overtake - Lando Other moments and drivers of note Final Thoughts

This analysis is goign to be very Ferrari and Mclaren focused, because they were the main teams of interest. There are a few other mentions, but the competition at the front of the field is where the bulk of this analysis is aimed at.

Ferrari

Ferrari brought a few upgrades to the SF-24 this weekend. The most notable of which was a new floor. The floor was meant to address some of the problems previous upgraded floor specs had introduced to the car in previous rounds. Given the results both drivers saw it is safe to say that Ferrari seem to be back on track with a competitive car. The Ferrari was very close to the Mclaren on speed this weekend. Which is looking promising for a competitive from field in the final races of the season.

Charles qualified P4 and finished P1. Carlos qualified P5 and finished P4.

Charles

It’s one thing to win at Monza once behind the wheel of a red car, but to do it twice? Well that’s called building an unforgettable legacy. 

Charles brought home his second career win at Monza, with one of his best performances this season and indeed another career highlight.

There were quite a few things that went into this win. From an excellent lap one overtake, to masterful tyre management Charles really reminded the entire grid what he's capable of with this drive.

There is a lot of strategy and data to get to, so we are just going to dive in!

Strategy

The strategy of both Ferrari and Mclaren were the deciding factors in this race. There are a lot of little details and key moments so I going to present this in a timeline of events.

First, Monza was hot, while ordinarily this race is a pretty straightforward one-stop, teams were anticipating needing to do a two-pit stop strategy going into Sunday, due to the high tyre degradation observed in the hot temperatures. Both Ferrari and Mclaren seemed to have planned on a two-stop as their base strategy.

Second, with George starting in P3 it was assumed he was not going to hold that position. The Mercedes was not handling the heat well, and he was not going to hold third for long. Ferrari and Mclaren seemed to both have assumed this. And this was a correct assumption.

With that in mind, it's lights out and away we go!

Lap 1

On turn 4 Charles took advantage of an opening Oscar exposed when he passed Lando. Lando didn't close the gap quickly enough and he was more focused on Oscar, so Charles had the opportunity to overtake. So right off the bat he made it from P4 to P2.

George also went off at turn 1 due to a lack of grip and that was where the other place came from.

Lap 15/16

On lap 15 Lando pit, undercutting Charles and gaining a place back up to P2.

On lap 16 Charles pit in response to this undercut. This was to try to save something against Lando who had just undercut him. It’s an automatic reactionary strategy call. Charles wasn’t pleased with this from the team as he felt the tyres had more in them. I think that the call to box here while not strictly necessary it wasn’t bad either as allowing Mclaren the chance to get further ahead on hards was not going to be good, given the rate at which the mediums were degrading.

This pit was really the deciding moment of the race though at the moment it felt like it wasn’t in Ferrari’s favor. Ferrari said they always had considered the possibility of a one-stop, they knew the car and drivers were capable, but with the temps it was a little iffy before they saw how the hards performed on race day. Charles making that early pass really set them up to benefit even more from this strategy.

The option for the one-stop was discussed on radio as early as lap 11. And I think a lot of the waffling over the radio after that first pit about strategy was running interference against Mclaren. Ferrari were trying to make sure they two-stopped while they stayed on a one-stop.

Lap 33

This was the lap where the race changed. This was where Mclaren revealed they were going to stick with a two-stop, and this was where Ferrari decided that Charles should one stop.

Charles was told to box opposite Mclaren. At this point in the race it was unclear if Lando or Oscar were going to box first, both were experiencing graining on the hards.

But then Lando pit. This gave away Mclaren's strategy, and also I think Ferrari were expecting Oscar to pit first. They were trying to trick Mclaren into pitting Oscar first over the radio, but Lando was struggling more and Mclaren are always reluctant to give up the lead of the race even for a bit.

On lap 33 Oscar was informed that Lando pit, and also Oscar reported the graining on his tyres was getting worse very quickly.

Charles was told to build on his delta by speeding up, I think to try to make it look to Mclaren like they were not trying to conserve and they'd also do a two-stop.

I will cover a little more on this specific stint in the data analysis section.

But the important thing to note is that this is the lap where the strategy was decided by both teams, and effectively Mclaren's fate was sealed.

Lap 39

On lap 39 Oscar pit and this was when Mclaren's chances were over. They couldn't stay out longer and had to commit to the two-stop even though it was clear that was going to lose them the race. Their car and drivers were not able to handle the graining.

This was also the lap when Ferrari reaffirmed the strategy choice for the one-stop with Charles.

Checkered Flag

Charles ran the remainder of his hard stint pulling off effectively perfect lap times for 38 laps. He didn't see any drop in performance in the tyres, and held the lead of the race comfortably after Oscar pit on lap 39.

This win came from three factors. 1) Charles' brilliant overtake on turn 1 gaining him several places up the field 2) Good strategy calls from Ferrari to effectively counter Mclaren 3) Genius tyre management from Charles to get the maximum out of the hard tyres in difficult conditions for tyre deg.

Now when it came to the call to make the one-stop strategy there has been some confusion about who made it and when. Some have asserted that Carlos somehow was the one behind the call to make the one-stop, which is not what happened, and also is not how strategy calls are made in the team. 

Here are the radio messages transcribed on the lap they occurred. Note that “Plan B” is the one-stop strategy

*note there are a lot of radios that I did not include as they were not relevant to the strategy call at hand, this is just for simplicity

The thing I think that has been misunderstood about these radios is that Carlos is speaking about plan B for himself. He was going over how to properly cover Lewis in the pits with his engineer, Charles was not mentioned at all. The info that Bryan shared about Carlos with Charles was because if Carlos felt plan B was possible they wanted to ask Charles if he felt the same. So this wasn’t Carlos putting the whole team on plan B, it was him making the best strategy call for himself, which is normal and it was the correct call, but to claim his choice made the decision for Charles is incorrect. 

It’s also important for the team to communicate to a driver if their teammate is going to be on a different strategy, as that was a possibility. It’s just information they need to have.

Note that Charles was already considering a one-stop on lap 11, and there was no mention of that plan to Carlos on his end. So this was a strategy Charles and the team were considering much earlier. With the undercut I think it led them to flip flop some on which strategy would be best, but then on lap 33 they locked it in.

However, listening to the full radios, I think that the final choice for Charles to be on the one stop was when they asked Charles to stay out on lap 33, and then asked about his tyres on lap 35. The message from Bryan to Charles on lap 39 was him informing that his teammate was also on the same strategy. This is also further evidenced by the radios in between being focused on building a good delta, setting the target lap time, which was the lap time needed for the one-stop, and also aiding Charles in managing certain turns for management. All of this happened prior to Charles receiving the message about Carlos on lap 39. 

Also a very important detail comes from Lando’s post race press statements. When asked when he was committed to the two-stop was when he boxed for the second time. Lando boxed on lap 33, the same lap where Charles was told to stay out. I think that seeing Lando box and confirming that Mclaren were on a two-stop that was when Ferrari locked in the one-stop for Charles. He was not told to plan on boxing again opposite Oscar or anything, which they also knew was coming. Lap 33 was the deciding lap of the race. 

I am not trying to discredit Carlos here, but the data/timeline backs that Charles was already on the one-stop strategy before Carlos even said anything. I think the team very quickly switched Charles on the one-stop around lap 33 when they decided not to pit. 

Fred

I want to include a few quotes from Fred on the team strategy as well as they confirm what I parsed over the radio as well as the behavior on track.

"It [the one-stop] was a good strategy. We had it planned from the start. We saw the high degradation at the beginning and were surprised, but we stuck with our choices. A bit risky, but it went well. The drivers managed the tires very well, without over-pushing. We made a good strategy like in Zandvoort, but here we also won."

So Fred is affirming that this was their chosen strategy going into the race. It makes sense at this has been a strength for Ferrari all season and Mclaren has not been able to counter the SF-24 and Charles on tyre management. It was especially optimal as most teams were thinking it had to be a two-stop.

"At one point, though, we thought we would go for two stops. Even if we didn’t experience any degradation in the second stint. However, Charles felt comfortable. When we realized that the worst-case scenario was finishing on the podium, we went for it. We said to ourselves: ‘Alright, let’s stay consistent with the lap times and go for it’. Everything went well. I believe Charles had everything under control; he drove perfectly."

This is reflective of the middle when they might have been considering that plan C option that included another pit, likely informed by the graining they were seeing on the Mclaren's and the Red Bulls. This would have been around lap 30-33.

They checked in with Charles on his lap times and he was just a machine on track not wavering, so there was no reason not to. After that it was mind games with Mclaren trying to get them to mess up their pit timing with Oscar even more.

Carlos

Carlos ran a solid race. I think as a final race at Monza with Ferrari this was a good drive. He kept things clean, also pulled off the one-stop, caused a little interference to help Charles at the front. All around a good drive and a good effort with the team.

I would have liked to see him make the podium of course, but with the Mclaren’s on a two-stop his chances of that were slim. Because with his track position he was going to get passed by them on newer tyres.

Carlos struggled more on the one-stop, as he did hit a wall with his tyres on the final laps of the race. Which really highlights Charles pulling off the consistent performance he did on 4 lap older hards.

In spite of all of this I think this was one of Carlos' strongest performances of the season as well. It was a challenging order to do the one-stop and he help his place with it.

Just adding this to be abundantly clear.

“Carlos came up with Charles strategy!”: No, Charles and the team already switched to the one-stop before Carlos’ radios, and also the car behind is not making strategy calls for the car ahead, that doesn’t happen. Carlos was simply communicating with his own engineer about the strategy that would suit him best in his own race, as he should.

Data Analysis

We have some excellent data to examine from this race. And it really informs what was an wasn't possible for certain teams and drivers.

First I want to do a comparison of Charles and both Mclarens, this is probably the most important data comparison for this race.

There are two things to note, first all drivers saw a drop off in performance with the mediums around lap 11. More important is that second stint on the hards. 1.23s as lap times was the target, for both Ferrari and Mclaren, it seems that target lap time was determined to be best for management and speed. So it's not like Charles was going any slower to conserve, no they were all going at the same pace on those tyres, and the Mclaren's just couldn't keep that same pace up without graining. About 15 laps in Lando reported loss on his front left, and Oscar reported the same issues. They were all on the same lap times, so it's not like Mclaren were pushing harder and burning through their tyres faster(that came later) They just couldn't sustain that pace.

I think that the first 10-15 laps of that second stint both teams were feeling each other out, they were trying to set a pace they could sustain if they needed to one-stop. Mclaren experienced graining about halfway through the stint and found that they couldn't' sustain the pace needed for the one-stop in the conditions. Both drivers confirmed this both on the radio and also in post race press statements. This was kind of a game of chicken. Both teams on one-stop pace, trying to see who would blink first and pit. Mclaren blinked, they pit and Ferrari ran away with it. I think Mclaren thought that possibly this was still a game of who could pull off the undercut timing, while Ferrari were trying to ensure Mclaren gave up the places at the front.

You can see in the second hard stint that the Mclaren's really pushed the hards, that is what pushing on them actually looks like. But again at the end of the stint Oscar kind of hit a small wall with them and couldn't keep closing the gap, and it was also too late to make up the final time he needed.

What this really shows is that Charles and the Ferrari were capable of the optimal strategy in the second stint and Mclaren were not.

Quick look at Charles vs Carlos.

This really just highlights the performance of the SF-24. You can see around lap 45 where Carlos had to contend with Lando and that was also around where he hit the wall with the tyres and started to lose performance compared to Charles.

Here is Charles' data on it's own just to highlight the consistency of those lap times, he didn't experience any drop off in performance and even had the tyres left for a little bit of pushing on that final lap. This is really a visual representation of the skill Charles showed on track. At no point was he losing the tyres.

Charles was told a target lap time and he set it for 38 laps straight without fail. And he had a little left in the tank for a slightly speedier lap for the victory.

And here is Oscar vs Charles

At the end on the final two laps you can see that Oscar's pace was good, it was faster, but it wasn't increasing, so he wasn't going to catch Charles. It's unclear if he really burned through his tyres too much to be able to keep closing the gap. But Mclaren needed to find the right balance of giving him enough time to try to catch Charles, but also a window where his tyres wouldn't give out. It may just not have been possible without more conservation, and on that final stint Oscar was not doing any conservation at all.

Ferrari pulled off brilliant strategy playing to their strengths both in their car and in Charles. Even if Mclaren had had better strategy they were not going to be able to effectively counter Ferrari. They had to hope Ferrari made a mistake. And that wasn't happening, not this weekend, not this car, not this driver.

All in all a brilliant race from the entire team. And remember, if it comes down to a contest of tyre management Charles will come out on top.

Mclaren

Obligatory disclaimer you are reading about Mclaren on a Ferrari blog, and you are reading about Monza on a Ferrari blog.

That being said I don't feel too concerned about bias as Mclaren fans are also not pleased with Mclaren's team performance, so it's not just me, the team is actually just not delivering.

Lando qualified on pole and finished P3, Oscar qualified P2 and finished P2.

Now, I will say that Mclaren really were in a no-win situation the moment Charles was on a one-stop. They couldn't do a one-stop themselves so they really were left with no real way to counter. That's just the way it goes when you are up against the best tyre manager on the grid.

However Charles being brilliant does not excuse the continued bad strategy from the team.

Team Strategy

"Papaya Rules"

I feel like everything that can be said about Papaya rules has already been said, but this is the obligatory section in this analysis to say that this is a dumb name and I am not sure how anyone is meant to take the team seriously with code words like this.

Now I have also been saying this constantly this season, but Mclaren seem to really like making me repeat myself.

Mclaren have had strategy issues all year. And this one is interesting because seemingly they started off okay. Lando lost a place to Charles early in the race, but he was able to gain it back with that undercut in the pits. Mclaren specifically have struggled to get their pit timings right with Ferrari. 

However. 

I think the biggest weakness in Mclaren strategy has been the inability to account for certain possibilities, and also the inability to change plans as the track evolves. They made a lot of assumptions about this race and that led to issues for them. They assumed Ferrari were going to do a two-stop, and didn’t change that assumption until it was too late (even though Ferrari and Charles have literally undermined them before in this same way) I will given them some lenience in that the team did ask Oscar about the possibility (when it was already too late) and Oscar confirmed that a one-stop wasn't viable on his end. But they were also making that determination way too late into the race.

I wouldn't go so far as to say this was Oscar's race to lose. It was Mclaren's race to lose, and as we now know with hindsight, their inability to one-stop really meant neither driver had a chance. I don't see this as a missed win for either driver or the team simply because Ferrari and Charles were just better, and there wasn't an effective counter to a strategy they couldn't replicate with their drivers or car.

Probably the most entertaining part of this race was Mclaren thinking they successfully undercut Charles with Lando to get P2 back. Well, look how well that went over. So even when they successfully undercut they still lose.

Mclaren pit wall: 0 Charles and Ferrari: 3

One Stop a possibility?

The short answer is no. The long answer is that Mclaren asked Oscar if he thought a one-stop was possible and Oscar said no. 

Put simply, they didn't one-stop because they couldn't. Neither of their drivers thought they could one-stop with the graining they reported. And they were on the same pace as Charles in that second hard stint. So it's not like they were pushing harder on those tyres, the team wanted to see if it was possible and it wasn't. They just don't have the car and the drivers for it.

Carlos, who is better on tyres than Oscar, and was on fresher tyres than Charles had lost his tyres by the final laps. He is better or matched with the Mclaren drivers on tyre management, and also in the SF-24 which for all the faults the car may have it is the best car on the tyres, and he was hitting a wall. So do we really think that Mclaren were going to fare better? I think not. 

Oscar himself said that he was seeing pretty severe graining into his first hard stint and he wasn’t going to make it. You might say “oh but Oscar was driving assuming a two stop, he’d have conserved more if he’d known he was going to one-stop” and this is true, however he was on a similar hard pace to Charles in the hard stint, and he had graining, if he’d have had to slow even more to conserve he’d have lost the place to Charles anyway. Lando also saw graining on the front left about 15 laps into the stint. Both Mclaren drivers reported that the graining they experienced was not manageable and they would not have been able to pull off the one-stop. The team even asked Oscar if he could one-stop and he said no. I think at that point Mclaren knew Charles was going to stay out and realized they were going to lose unless Oscar could somehow make his tyres last.

Furthermore, while a driver who is exceptional at tyre management could have pulled off a one-stop in that Mclaren car, neither Oscar or Lando are really the driver for that. And I have been saying all year if it is a contest of tyre management Charles will win. They might have stayed out lost their tyres before Charles and he passed them anyway. 

Oscar especially, he is not as bad on tyres, he’s been improving, but to expect him to have improved to the level that he’d be able to hold the lead of the race for that many laps in those conditions while the car was graining on the fronts at the rate they observed is beyond his capabilities at the moment. 

The fact remains that if it comes down to a contest of tyre management Charles will win, it’s just a matter of time. It’s very difficult to counter because they can’t even copy his strategy, he has the skill and a car to pull off something that the Mclaren car cannot. They just have to watch him do it unable to really do much about it. 

Oscar

Oscar ran a solid race on his end, and it might have been a race winning drive, if Ferrari had been on a two-stop strategy. Ultimately he didn't gain any places in the end result, but he did gain one on his teammate.

The most notable part of Oscar's race was on the first lap when he overtook Lando to take the lead of the race into turns 3 and 4.

I think the footage is pretty clear, it's a clean pass, shooting for a pretty clear gap.

Lando made a mistake. He relaxed after getting through turns 1 and 2 with the lead, he broke early and eased into the corner leaving himself wide open on the outside. So open that Oscar and Charles had the opportunity to get by. He was not on guard, and you have to be if you expect to hold the lead of a race. He even left that spot open after Oscar passed which was how Charles got through.

Lando also lost some grip into turn 3 and that did not help in his ability to defend against Charles.

Oscar's overtake was fair, clean, and one of his best so far this season.

"Oscar made contact with Lando he was not in compliance with the papaya rules!": No there was no contact, it would have been mentioned on the radio if it was significant in any way. Lando also confirmed after the race that no contact was made. They got close but didn't touch.

"Oscar shouldn't have attacked his own teammate": His teammate shouldn't have left a 2 car opening and gone slow on the entry into the turn

"The team should have given orders for Lando to be ahead": they specifically didn't do that. So that's not a priority.

"Oscar is a bad teammate he should have helped Lando": He wasn't told to, in fact he was told they could race. And if Lando wanted to be ahead he should have defended better. To win you have to beat your teammate too. I can't make Mclaren give Lando priority so unless they change that Oscar can race as much as he wants.

Now, as far as teammates racing each other go I am generally in favor, so long as it's clean. And that is what happened here so I take no issue. I am not a Mclaren fan, I don't care if they should have prioritized one driver over another. However, the team's reluctance to issue team orders is certainly interesting and will likely be a problem again in future races.

The rest of Oscar's race was determined by how he was faring against Charles and Ferrari. I already outlined in detail above how that was not going to end well for him. But he was asked if he thought he could one-stop, he said no he didn't think it was possible. He reported graining and losing the tyres about 15 laps into the stint, at that rate with Ferrari reporting none he was not going to make it to the end. He ran about as good of a race as he could with the strategy that was possible for him.

Was he going to catch Charles at the end? No. There weren't enough laps left, and he pushed the hards too much closing the gap down to 2.5 seconds. They didn't have it in them to continue that.

Lando

Lando's race was determined by 1 mistake, after that he was playing catch up the rest of the race to recover places lost. He lost the lead to Oscar on lap one, and that was due to his own driving leaving a gap exposed long enough for not one but two drivers to take advantage.

He got a good start into turn one for once, and immediately thought he was safe because he pulled it off, he was then easy on the breaks into turn 3-4 and opened up to a move from Oscar that realistically should have been a window for Oscar to take. And if Oscar hadn’t I can promise you Charles would have. He just does not have the ability to defend his position, and makes very rookie mistakes. He isn’t new to this, he’s been driving in F1 for years, that time is meant to be so when he’s in a championship fight he can pull it off, and the results from this year have been weak. 

If he can’t defend from his own teammate, who is the one who will race him the cleanest (you think Max or Charles would have been easier on him?) then he can’t defend against an actual rival.

He also lost a few seconds in the pit lane when he hit the sign. Which was just weirdly sloppy even for him. It may be evidence of how bad the condition of his tyres was.

I don't have much to add about his race. I don't think he would have won, as I stated above both Mclaren's were going to end up behind Charles with that strategy.

Other Moments and Drivers of Note

George: George went off on the first chicane because he lost grip. The Mercedes was not handling well in the heat and he was never going to hold on to P3 for long. He had both Ferraris which had better race pace and handled much better in the heat behind him. It was not a matter of if but when. The Mercedes car really struggled with the track and the heat.

Only 4 drivers pulled off a one-stop in the points: Charles, Carlos, Alex, and Kevin.

Drivers outside of the points who ran a one-stop were: Franco, Daniel, Esteban, Valtteri and Zhou. Again I would not take this as evidence it was within the cards for Mclaren.

Red Bull: the red bull car was having power issues and had to operate in a lower engine mode, which compromised the team's race. I think the heat being a factor was part of the issue. The car hasn't been cooling as consistently as past models. Max and Checo were therefore more limited this weekend unable to reach full top speeds.

Final Thoughts

This race reminded us that the season is far from over, Ferrari are back at the front fighting for wins. With 8 rounds to go a lot can change on the WDC and WCC front.

Charles delivered another legendary win, Mclaren are still unable to form a strategy. Would love to see this repeat until the end of the season.

That's all I got, see you in Baku!

[ssahotchnerr]

I just had a bit of a spooky experience, and I was wondering if you could do something fluffy with Aaron and a reader whose afraid of the dark? Just need something sweet and reassuring. Love your stuff xx

hold onto me

omg i'm so sorry i hope you're alright <333 cw; mild descriptions of anxiety and fear of the dark, established relationship

storms were scheduled on the forecast all week, so it was bound to happen at some point. and of course, at the most convenient of times.

aaron and yourself were in the old bau bunker, or as dave strictly corrected you both - the bsu bunker. the two of you were in search of some old files that had been collecting dust, files that would hopefully be helpful and a reliable reference in a project the team was collectively working on.

you had to admit, going through the contents of the room was fascinating. it held an extensive amount of history and memories; it was the literal beginning of the bau and what it has come to be. in addition to the ancient files, both of you would occasionally come across other various items to show one another: old photographs, some of gideon's ancient bird books, and aaron happened to find an old wedding ring lost in a drawer - which you swore had to be one of dave's.

and both related and unrelated, the most important factor to you, the bau had brought you to your aaron.

it was another world down there, so you'd nearly forgotten that it was storming gravely outside. but, a sudden crash of thunder shook the entire building, and the room submitted to darkness faster than you could blink. and it being as old as it was, it didn't contain emergency lights, or windows for that matter, hidden deep in the basement. the two of you were surrounded by a seemingly endless void; you wouldn't even be able to see your hand in front of your face if you tried.

you jumped immediately, the side of your thigh hitting the table and rousing all the items on it, some even clattering to the floor. you didn't even notice the instant ache that shot down your leg, your fear all-consuming.

"shit. stay where you are." you could hear aaron moving about, bumping into things as well as he attempted to make sense of the darkness, and to get to you, fully aware of your intense fear of the dark, "honey, are you alright?"

you didn't answer, eyes squeezed shut as you shrunk back against the closest wall you could find. besides the sounds of aaron cursing under his breath, 'of course my damn phone is in my office' or his reassurances, 'i'm almost there, it's going to be okay', it was deathly silent; so quiet it was almost threatening.

you didn't even realize you were shaking profusely until you were in secure in aaron's arms. he wrapped you tightly in his embrace, your face pressed into his chest as he shielded you. instead of the grimy, stiff smell of the bunker, you were encircled with the familiar scent of aaron, something soft and sweet but still vastly masculine.

"you're okay sweetheart. here, let me..." he reached into your back pocket, finding your phone and turning the flashlight on, unforgotten to yourself in your panicked state. the light illuminated his face, thankfully, but also casted shadows from the furniture and whatnot onto the walls. it made the musty old room more menacing, terrifying.

your fingers gripped onto his dress shirt, closing your eyes once more as your face burrowed into the crook of his neck, searching to be closer, "aaron."

"i know, i know you hate it." he consoled you, one of his hands spanning your back. "stay close, hold onto me."

his hand placement, and the fact you were clinging onto him, allowed him to guide you easily, without you having to remove yourself from him - to be fair, you couldn't even if you tried. he navigated the two of you out, vaguely manhandling you and taking the brunt himself as he ran or tripped into lingering objects. he only had one objective, removing you from the situation as safely and quickly as possible.

once in the hallway, could you finally breathe. the power was still absent, but it was brighter, emergency lights on a bit further down the hall. it took you a second to regain your senses, your heart rate slowing to normal.

aaron's hands cupped your face, his thumbs running against your cheeks gently. his eyes searched yours, lined with concern and a gentleness, "you okay?"

you nodded, pressing your forehead to his for a brief moment.

"you're okay. you're safe." he repeated, in case you needed another reminder, another reassurance. he pressed his lips to yours for a moment, a hand moving to the small of your back, "i'll have dave and reid head down here a bit later instead. let's get you upstairs love."

[technologyculturedneo]

BOX. Jaemin

"Memories need to be shared."

Pairing. Na Jaemin x Reader

Synopsis. The community you live in is a perfect dystopia with citizens not given any freedom or choice. Without choice, the Neorists Elders of society believe they can prevent negative elements, such as war. You're assigned to the Dreamer Na Jaemin with the aim of being the next Dreamer. However when presented with freedom, choices and a world of wonder, you begin to fall into the unknown of a word known as 'love'.

Dreamscape() Masterlist

“What do you mean you want to remove ‘pleasure’ from this community?” Johnny furrows his brows, eyes piercing across the room meeting an unfazed ‘Dreamer’, Na Jaemin, the only man wearing black. Also known as the only person in the entire community with recollection of memories of what the whole world once was before the erasing of memories. “You can’t remove pleasure.”

The other board members, mainly the men who were ‘guilty’, are also in shock when hearing what the Dreamer is suggesting. “I mean what I said. You took things too far when you impregnated another Neorists. And that’s strictly forbidden.” Jaemin notes to the only female elder Neorist in the room surrounded by 10 men.

“I think this decision of yours is coming from a place of bitterness. Are you upset because you don’t have anyone to pleasure? Have you even pleasured anyone? What we should be discussing is how to bring pleasure back into relationships.”

“This is my point exactly. You’re so intoxicated with pleasure that you don’t see the problem.” Jaemin cocks up a brow in bafflement. Sometimes being the only one with memories of all emotions was a pain. “Too much pleasure leads to destruction, especially when there’s no love.”

“Oh please love is irrelevant, and what possible destruction can come out of pleasure?” Johnny quizzes with an imposing tone.

“For one, non-consenting rape, which is the act of forcing yourself on somebody who hasn’t agreed to partake in the activity.” Jaemin informs. “It’s literally what you’re doing. Not only that, you’re sliding past the fact that you were caught breaking other laws.”

“I’m guilty of no such matters. Our Neorist here agreed to our encounter. Is that right?” Turning his head to the female, she subtly nods her head with an expressionless face. Johnny crosses his legs with a smirk on his face. “And besides, how else are we going to get the community to produce children?” Johnny questions.

Jaemin rolls his eyes, a gesture that surely goes noticed by all the board members of Neorists, the highest forms of elders in their communities. Aside from Jaemin being the only Dreamer, and the only one who felt entitled to have a say in laws, they surely disliked when he’d pull faces of rudeness and disrespect. Even if he was right. “Cut the bullshit. You don’t care about children. All you care about is sexual pleasure.”

“What proof do you have?” Johnny questions.

“What proof?” Jaemin scoffs and glances at the only female Neorist elder in the room. “She’s literally carrying a child as we speak- a child you ‘helped’ created. She said you gave her a serum and she had a weird feeling after. You clearly did something to her. And she’s not even a birth mother.”

“Your point?” Another male elder asks. “I think President Suh is correct. You’re bitter because you don’t have someone to pleasure.”

Folding his arms and leaning on the table Jaemin tries to speak calmly without letting his anger show. Yet it’s already clear from the moment he opens his mouth that he’s seething. “When we first implemented ‘pleasure’ in community 1, the idea was that only selected ‘birth mothers’ and ‘father genetics’ would engage in that activity. It was a success and we taught it to the other communities. The only problem now, is that you President Suh and a few of you board members have stepped out of bound over the years and decided to participate. It doesn’t work like that. You’re throwing things off balance.”

“I have to agree with the Dreamer. Not only are you not taking the injections but you are breaking the laws we placed.” Jaehyun, the elder Neorist of justice and law sides with the Dreamer and looks to the President of all communities. “How do you expect the community to follow the rules when you don’t?”

Johnny gets up while buttoning his front button, an indication that he’s not going to listen to anything else from the meeting. “This is such a time waste. Instead of preparing for the ceremony we’ve wasted time talking about irrelevant matters. I’ll take my leave.”

Johnny is just about half way in leaving the board room when Jaemin grudgefully stands up. “You know what, fuck this. I’ve selected a new Dreamer.”

That captures Johnny’s attention as he freezes mid step gazing at Jaemin. “Don’t be absurd. We haven’t examined-”

“Of course ‘you’ haven’t examined because you were too busy getting your dick wet. But I already did.” Jaemin looks at Johnny dead in the eye. “She will be my successor, and she’ll be the one to put up with your shit when I’m gone, because seriously, I can’t have this anymore. I’m done.”

And with that, Jaemin walks out the room first.

The water scatters and dashes out from the shower head sprinkling hot waters onto his body when he gets home. Standing underneath the pouring heat, his hands against the wall- the wall being a see through glass, his eyes looking over the view in longing to finally be free like nature. The view of the downslope mountain filled with greens of shrubs, trees, blooming colored florets with nature at its best. The thought crosses his mind again. He’s been thinking of quitting being a Dreamer for almost an entire year. To end his life and time in this draining world.

There’s nothing worth it anymore. Clinching his jaw from the depressing thoughts he turns the handle far back erupting a strangled choke to leave his breath just as the freezing cold waters hit his body hard. He can’t end his life just yet, he needs to complete his last quest in this damn community before he can kick the bucket. For good. For him as a Dreamer, living in this community is lonely. He just hopes that the person he’s chosen to be his successor won’t feel like him.

Because everyone is taught to follow and obey the rules within the community, in order to eliminate discrimination, envy, jealousy, supremacy, hate and plainly anything different. Everyone that is born into the community is a blank slate and is taught how to walk, talk, work and live. Without communities in place there would be chaos and war would break out. The ‘Neorists’ better known as wise council of elders have maintained communities for centuries, keeping the community in peace, passing down guidelines and rules on how to keep tranquility amongst all.

You’re lucky to have grown up in a community that had no war and endless peace. They said that the war was terrible, that it destroyed everything. And after the war had ruined everything, mankind found a solution to carry on. Through the acts of Communities. There were 7 communities in total. When ‘Communities’ were created, everything started afresh. The start of the new civilization marked the end of the wars worldwide, society was reset, rebuilt, evoking true equality and sameness. It marked the beginning of a new era, a new people, a new life within communities. Everything that was made new, contributed to the good of the new communities. These rules being respected created harmony, balance and greatest of all, allowed life to continue on peacefully.

Years down the line, it all worked out. Peace was restored, everyone was the same and knew how to live in the community. Everyone was able to follow and obey the rules without a second thought. Everyone was able to fit in.

Except for you.

Tomorrow, you and the rest of the year 19’s would finally be 20’s and would be assigned your jobs. Your purpose in life. What you were made for. Your place in the community. After years of attending studying departments, you are going to be a part of the people that contribute to society. Your lecturer’s last words, were words that almost… frightened you. No. Precision of language. Wrong word, you think. Frightened means that deep, sickening feeling of something terrible about to happen. Your lecture’s words made you ‘anxious’ for what would happen tomorrow. It’s frightening because it seems like everyone already knows their jobs, but you don’t have a clue of what you’ll be. You are lost. Lost because while everyone in the community, thought the same and did everything the same, you… always felt like you did things… differently, you saw things that other people didn’t. In your eyes you’d see flickering of extra lights… Where everything is black and white, in the sky… you’d see… hue.

Your eyes snap to the road ahead of you as you instantly halt your bicycle when almost coming in contact with a man dressed in all black. Whereby the whole community only wore white, your eyes are completely shocked seeing the man wearing all black. The Neorist, Dreamer Na Jaemin. You quickly bow your head apologizing. “I apologize.”

“It’s dangerous to be riding and looking up at the sky. Be careful.” Nonchalant and unfazed, almost if the sounds of getting hit by a bicycle is nothing.

“I apologize.” You say again, but you’re thankful that he doesn’t write out an issue of warning for you and continues walking, ignoring you. You continuing to ride your bicycle, this time keeping in mind of the correct road and not minding him, because there are more pressing thoughts in your head.

You never said anything of what you saw. You didn’t want to be different. Who would?

The rules were simple to follow: Use precise language. No touching other people not of your dwelling. Wear your assigned clothing. Take your morning medication. Obey the curfew. Never lie. These rules made sense to keep everything ‘same’.

However, for you, these rules were easy to follow, but hard to understand. Precise language… assigned clothing… medication, curfew and of course… lying. You acted and did as everyone did, but in a world where every person thought the same, moved the same and even looked the same… you don’t know why, your thoughts… had thoughts and why they were different. You didn’t want to be different, otherwise you’d be ‘released’. Released is a term, or rather the highest form of punishment to anyone who failed to contribute to society. They were to be taken out of society, forever. For good. Maybe… Maybe that’s why you’re so frightened for what will happen tomorrow. What if you get relea-

‘Kring, kring.’ A bell rings behind you, snapping your thoughts back to the present indicating company. You smile upon seeing the two males in which you’re closely associated with, your two friends, whom you’ve been acquainted with your whole lives. Jeno and Haechan. With smiles on their faces brewing excitement in their eyes, it’s always easy to feel comfortable and at ease around them. “You left us,” Haechan, the boy who makes everyone laugh, playfully whines.

Jeno, the boy who makes everyone smile turns to look at you. “I apologize for the both of us that we’re late. I thought I could take Haechan around to say farewell to our lecturers.” Jeno fills you in, with his memorable eye smile that’s always refreshing to see.

“I accept your apology.” You smile back, turning your head to Haechan. “And why does Jeno have to apologize for you? Aren’t you going to apologize for yourself?”

“I apologize for making you ride alone. In fact, we could’ve all gone together to say goodbye to the teachers had you not left so suddenly.” Haechan tries to justify himself, but you hear a scoff coming from Jeno.

“I accept your apology.” You answer back none the less while shaking your head.

“Precision of language Haechan. We weren’t saying goodbye, more like, see you around.” Jeno voices out his thoughts, as the friend who consistently obeys every rule. He’s like a model student of what it means to embody the rules.

“But I don’t want to see them again,” Haechan nags like a little kid, causing you to roll your eyes by his nature. “I want to finally get to tomorrow so that I can go and work.” Being bold and riding high on his bicycle Haechan voices out. “Whoever’s listening please, please do not make me a teacher or lecturer or anything to do with the studying departments. Please.”

You laugh, this time along with Jeno. Of course, every street pole, every building, every tree, every structure in some way, has a camera big enough or even small enough to see and hear what everyone in the community does. You wonder, if you also had to get up on your bike and yell out what you want to be, maybe the Neorists who listened in, would place you there. They ruled your lives and every outcome from them is said to be the best.

You live in a world were differences aren’t allowed. There’s no popular, no fame, no winners and no losers. The Neorists of the pasts eliminated all of that so that they’d be no conflict. No fear. No pain. Envy. Hate. All those negative feelings weren’t here and it had been wiped from history. Every memory that everyone had now, was of this wonderful society that was created.

Riding your bicycles together with your friends, listening to Jeno and Haechan casually talk yet good-humoredly bicker allows your mind to be distracted from the thoughts of tomorrow. Haechan leans forward on his seat carefully standing up and balancing on his bicycle.

“I’m going to miss volunteering here.” Jeno says, once the nursing facility is close by. You look to the building and nod your head.

“Don’t worry my friend, I’m sure you’ll be coming back here.” Haechan smirks. “If there had to be another word for nurse, it’d be Jeno. You were born for this.”

“What about you Y/n?” You turn your head to Jeno, displaying an earnest smile once drawing to the center side of the building. “Out of all the positions that the elders would choose for me, where do you think they’d place me?”

Looking up to the bold font title in the middle of the building, you nudge your head to it. “Nurturing center. You’re very caring, selfless, dedicated to helping others and always so good with people. If anything you should be in charge of the nurturing department.” You compliment boldly. He looks at you, returning a sincere beam, as if liking your answer more than Haechan’s statement.

Every day since you went to the studying department school, the lecturers ‘mandatorily’ suggested that doing volunteering work in different sectors would enhance the Neorists to notably put you in a work career that would best suit you. You had no one place you liked going, so you always followed Haechan and Jeno. Nurturer, Laborer, Engineer, Law and justice, Pilot, Speaker etc. By chance you volunteered everywhere and exceled in everything, you just didn’t know what you exceled at the best. That feeling… that frightening feeling comes back at the thought of your purpose. You wonder, have you done enough volunteering work so that the Neorists may know where to put you, or have you done too little, that they haven’t a clue of what your position would be? If that’s the case, it means you are going to be released. You’d be a failure.

And you don’t want that. Which is why, as you carry a baby from the bed and move over to the weighing table following Jeno’s lead, you hope that just as Jeno has shown a kin interest on nurturing, that perhaps you’ve also shown an interest in something. Unfortunately, Jeno’s baby weighs heavier and he has a playful look on his face, lifting up the baby with a coy smile. “That’s my little baby. A baby who’s strong and ready to be a 1 year old.” Jeno lightheartedly mocks you.

“Oh, it’s like that now.” You chortle. Seeing a figure in uniform approach you both, you smile. Your father. Lee Taeyong.

“Which one was heavier?” He asks.

“This baby was.” Jeno indulges in baby language having a moment with the baby. However, in the spacious room full of male and female nurses along with volunteering students, all attention is turned to a certain cubic stand- hearing a rueful cry. It’s your first time hearing a baby cry. Just as a nurse takes the quiet baby from you and places the baby in a box sealing it tight saying that it will be released and didn’t qualify, you follow your father as he moves to the cube were the crying baby is in.

Reading its tech monitor screen, you see the words: HE/UNQUALIFIED.

“He looks so unhappy.” You lean close having a look at the wailing baby’s voice.

“Unfortunately he doesn’t qualify for his first ceremony.” Your father says. “He’s just not strong enough. It’s why he’s crying. He can’t be assigned to a family yet.”

Trying to get the babies attention, by tapping on the glass and smiling gently, you peek back when seeing Jeno standing next to you equally examining the unhappy child. “Can we open it?” Jeno asks, which your father nods to, silently watching the baby with a concerned face.

Last night, the birth mothers did an incredible job of birthing about 40-70 children in community 7 alone. 64 of those children were perfect. 3 came out stiff and would be released. 2 were identical, the one that you and Jeno were weighing (the least heaviest would be released too). And finally this 1 was the only one crying but wouldn’t be released just yet.

Jeno opens the little slot allowing you to put your hand in. “Hey there little guy. Why are you crying? Are you not happy because you won’t be in the first ceremony?”

Jeno’s gentle smile spreads over his face as he observes you making conversation with the baby. “Let me,” He offers to help especially when the baby doesn’t stop crying. You move a little, watching Jeno place his hand inside the cube placing it over the baby’s head. “There, there,” He simply says, and instantaneously, the baby shifts its head in Jeno’s direction.

“Wow,” You marvel. “You just have that gift. It’s not fair,” You joke, but slowly the baby hesitates and fidgets.

“Be strong Jisung.” Your father’s voice gets your attention and you turn to him.

“You looked at his name? Isn’t that against the rules?”

He turns to you nervously. “Y-yes it is. I thought having a name might help him grow.” Before his gaze focuses on the baby. “It’s why I whispered it.”

You’ve always admired your father. A nurse. Never buckles under pressure, always knows what to say as the head of the house and is simply a really good father to you, mother and your little 10 year old brother, Chenle. You spend the rest of the day in the nursing center, even when Haechan and Jeno leave. And 30 minutes before the curfew call is made, you and your father both take your bikes and stroll to the dwelling where you stay. Getting there just before the curfew call, you take your afternoon injection as soon as you enter the door. Which is just a little pinch on the wrist of your right hand by placing your hand over the little robotic poll.

Getting ready for dinner, you, your brother Chenle, your Mother Seulgi and Father Taeyong all sit by the large metallic squared box table and exactly at 6.30 on the dot, the table opens up revealing covered trays of supper.

Removing the lid of the tray, you begin eating just as everyone does in silence. A while later, your father begins the conversation by asking everyone about their feelings for the day. Your mother answers; ‘disappointment’ because of a fellow educator who didn’t teach according to the textbook. The outcome of that situation was that the teacher was released to elsewhere. Your father ends up asking your little brother about his feelings. His answer; ‘excited’ because he’ll be a 10 tomorrow. His enthusiasm brings smiles to your faces. And then finally; your father calls your name.

“Your turn for feelings.” He eats on his vegetables and so do you. Taking a little bit of time to respond as you eat. The rules for food being don’t eat too fast and don’t talk when eating. Once you swallow you breathe out.

“Well, I guess… I’m sort of…” You thought you had an answer, but after hearing Chenle’s answer, you feel nervous again. “Frightened.”

“Precision of language.” Your mother corrects, giving you a worried look, sternly.

“Then I feel terrified?” You try to ask, as she’s trying to correct your feelings, which you don’t understand. You were the one feeling it.

“Precision of language.” She says again. “Anxious, is the word. Being frightened and terrified is awful and only used in dire situations.”

“Yes. Thank you for your correction.” You nervously smile. She’s right. You’re anxious. You look at your food.

“Why?” Your father asks. “Are you nervous for the ceremony tomorrow?”

You nod your head. “Mother, father. When you were about to graduate from being a 19 to 20, did you feel like there was no position meant for you?”

Your father shakes his head. “The Neorists been watching you since you were a child, they know what position is meant for you.”

Your mother nods her head. “They are never wrong. Tomorrow you’ll see that you have a place in our community.” She smiles. “Cheer up my daughter. There’s no need to be anxious.”

You nod your head. The feeling won’t go away. Even as you’re done eating and place the tray back on the center of the table and the table sinks low with the empty trays, leaving its original flat surface, you’re still anxious. You walk into your room after saying goodnight to everyone and rest on your bed. Instead of injecting yourself to sleep with the little robotic poll in your room, you… slightly disobey the rule of ‘8 p.m. sleep time’ and instead lay awake thinking of all the things that will happen tomorrow. You will be a 20. With a new job. A job you don’t even know.

Finally sighing, you roll on the side of your bed and place your wrist over the robotic poll allowing it to inject you. After some seconds, sleep consumes your entire mind.

-

The auditorium is vastly large with all the seating sections being filled as the whole of Community 7 make their way inside. Each seat is filled accordingly and correctly. Everyone being in a category. You’re seated on the third section along with all the other 19’s as you wait. Other sections have newly made parents, older parents, those who already have jobs and finally old age individuals. The ceremony is the only time when everyone from community 7 joins together in celebration of the new age. “Welcome citizens, to the annual ceremony of advancement.” A robotic female announcement addresses. Would you be a speaker like this voice? Could that be your future path?

Sitting next to Haechan, you can’t stop giggling at the jokes he makes, because they calm your racing heart down and stop you from guessing jobs for yourself. Jeno seated in front of you turns back once in a while with a chortle, telling Haechan to be quiet. Everyone is so excited that you can’t help but force the excitement of you just to blend in. But really, inside you’re petrified.

Especially since the Neorists of all communities are all here in one room. All 10 Neorists Elders are seated on the stage in a straight row facing the crowd. They look so normal, polished with smiles and bright with their grey garment, all except one. He’s seated on the end of the stage, almost a gap away from the other elders. He’s got a bored, dull look… no… Cold and almost uninterested look on his face. The same way he looked when you nearly bumped into him. He’s the only one wearing black. And it’s not even a black suit. The jacket is leather, the shirt inside.. has print design on it and you try to make out what is written on the shirt, but it’s blocked by his folded arms.

He’s so…

Your breath hitches in your throat when looking back at his face, only to have his deep eyes staring back at you. The corner of his lip tugs upwards in a smirk and in an instant your posture straightens and you snap your head away like a robot rebooting.

“Sheesh.” Haechan mutters shaking his head. “I swear that Elder’s presence is so menacing that it’s scary. Can you believe he’s the only Dreamer?”

Dreamer Na Jaemin. The only Elder who’s completely alone in what he does… whatever he does. “I nearly bumped into him with my bicycle yesterday.”

“Really?” Haechan’s eyes slightly widen.

“Please stand by for a transition.” You’re thankful for the robotic voice that addresses the crowd, allowing you to not think of that Dreamer and causing your conversation with Haechan to stop. On the stage, a beam of light is reflected and hologram of a man appears. The president of all communities appears in an elegant white suit. The robotic voice fades, as a manly voice of a calm man speaks. “Good morning community 7.”

“Good morning President Suh Johnny.” The community at large responds with gladness to see the familiar jolly face of the leader of all communities. Once again he’s appearing virtually. It’s a shame that he couldn’t come in person, you think to yourself.

“I apologize for my remote attendance.” He apologizes and you can tell the community immediately feels better.

“We accept your apology.” Everyone responds in sync… you mimic your mouth to follow but really you don’t accept it. President Suh although widely respected (feared- is what you’d say but then your mother would say ‘precision of language’) is a president you’ve always wondered why he’s in power. He doesn’t do much for the communities. It’s the Neorist Elders who work the hardest in maintaining the communities.

“I can’t be at every ceremony simultaneously in person, which is why I picked this hour as my favorite hour to spend with you. But here’s a secret, you are my favorite community.” He grins. For some reason, your eyes are drawn to the disinterested Dreamer Neorist Elder on stage again. He rolls his eyes and even… sinks low on his chair. What audacity does he have to show his disinterest, especially to the President? Perhaps he dislikes the President too. “But since we don’t lie, I must admit I say that to all the other communities.”

Your head snaps away from him again to the stage when hearing subtle laughs come from the crowd, from Haechan next to you as well as everyone else… You join in on the laugh thinly… your eyes wandering back to the Dreamer, only to look away immediately again. You only tried to see if he was laughing, or at least smiling too. But instead, you caught his eye on you… again. You try not to frown, but you can’t help as your eyebrows furrow a bit. Why is he looking at you?

“Beginnings. From disorder to chaos, great suffering and pain. From confusion, envy and hatred, came out a perfect solution. Communities, which harbored serene beautiful places, where disorder became harmony.” Everyone pats their thighs in sign of applauding. “It begins, the Ceremony.”

You join everyone in patting your thigh feeling your thigh nervously shake. You try to stop it, but as each ceremony occurs you get anxious. The large background screen begins to play gentle visual videos of each ceremony. It starts off with the ceremony to ‘elsewhere’ honoring the lives of the brave elderly old age men and women who have dedicated the lives and contributed nobly to the community. All the old age elders, about 65 of them, who were in another section that you couldn’t see all step on stage generously shaking each hand of the Wise Neorists council, before stepping off stage and waving their hands as they disappear behind some curtains. You’re not even surprised that the black clothed elder didn’t even shake hands or pay his respects to the elders. He’s so impolite and it’s making you feel unhappy.

Next is the ceremony of the 1’s. “Celebrating the new children. Proudly engineered by the genetics of father givers, produced by our proud birth mothers. These infants will now join their assigned family units. Welcome to the community little ones.”

“Welcome to the community.” The crowd says.

Your eyes enlarge joyfully when seeing all 65 of the new born babies being brought up on stage by nurses. The newly coupled parents are called one by one (as President Suh, calls out their names) to go on stage and claim they’re new addition to the family. Each of the children have names, but you’re surprised that you don’t hear ‘Jisung’s’ name. Either way, you clap on your thigh for both for the ceremony of the 1’s as well as the new parents who now have their first child, another batch of parents are called to claim their second addition to the family. All families have been taught to have 2 kids who are 10 years apart. The next ceremony is for the new 10’s.

Your head moves to the side when you see all the newly 10 year olds standing up and one by one go down the stairs and all unanimously stand in a line to be called on stage. You smile when you see Chenle. He’s looks bright and happy in his little white shirt and shorts. Everyone claps their thighs as all 60 children are called one by one on stage to receive their half way mark independence gift, a bicycle. They are now of age to possess their first responsible gift. You clap your thighs proudly when Chenle is called - Haechan beside you nudges you while holding back his own snickers telling you to keep it down. Chenle gets off the stage with his bike. Just as the little other 10 year olds receive their bikes, you see an usher in white standing by each respective row of your age group. Once the 10’s are done, the ushers signal out their hands stating that it’s your sections turn. You deeply inhale when standing up and following right behind Haechan.

“Celebrating the graduates, the 20’s, who today will be assigned their position in our community.” The president says as you all get on the stage. You stand in rows of 6, as they’re 60 of you. 10 in each column and 6 in each row.

“Good luck,” Jeno, who’s standing right in front of you turns, around with an encouraging smile. It reassures and even calms you down a little. So you try to enjoy the moment. Finally, the time has come to hear where you will fit in. Even though you wished to have a clear mindset on what job you’d do, you feel glad that the burden of choosing a job is not in your hands and in the hands of the Neorists. Father says they’re never wrong. So you smile back breathing in deeply and looking up above to the screen that showed gentle images of each 20 year old doing something. You see Haechan, and turn to him smiling just as he points at himself. He’s seen riding high on his bicycle and teaching other kids on how to ride their own bicycles. Others are shown as well, and you wait to maybe see yourself in the montage of images and soundless videos. But you don’t. You see Jeno, and other of your class mates, but you don’t see yourself. You try not to worry, as they didn’t put everyone in.

“All of your training has been to help you fit in.” Johnny continues. “To curb any impulse that may set you apart from others. But today we honor your differences, for today they have determined your future. Dear community, here are the new leaders and the teachers, and the workers, and nurses, birth mothers of tomorrow. And I think that, we’re in very good hands.” Johnny smiles, and you smile back feeling a great jubilation. “Number 1, Karina. Soft spoken with a delicate body, gentle with children and a pleasant to be around. Birth mother. Thank you for your childhood.”

Karina walks forward towards the one female Neorists elder who’s in charge of all the Nurturing Centers in all the Communities, gets up with a bright smile and hands her a little device as well as shakes her hand. You clap on your thighs and smile. That’s a good position for her. Names are being called, roles and jobs are being given, as rows go down you anxiously await your turn.

“Number 35, Jeno. From the beginning it was clear that Jeno flourished when working with new patients both old and young. Gentle with his touch with broad caring arms, Nurturer Nurse.” You smile when seeing up on the screen, Jeno carrying a little baby and smiling down at the child. You nod your head just as Haechan nudges you in agreement. Jeno goes forward to the Neorist female elder and she hands him a device. He gets off stage and goes back to his seat. Very quickly, the row in front of you disappears and finally they’re on your row. You prepare yourself shivering lightly.

“Number 43, Chittaphon. Talkative, engaging and surely a good story teller. Teacher of the middles.” You clap your thighs smiling.

“Number 44, Giselle.” The girl next to you, Giselle grins brightly as she steps forward to an elder man who gives her a device. Your heart is beating so loud that you barely even hear her assigned role. The moment you’ve been waiting for. You try to calm your pacing heart, but it’s beating all the way up to your ears and almost blocks your ear drums.

“Number 46,” You take two steps forward with a modest smile- “Haechan.” Yet you freeze when hearing the name… And number.

Haechan in astonishment reacts after a quick second and steps forward. His eyes are enlarged but his smile nervously returns when seeing a Neorist elder man stand up. “Unruly, careless, yet brings laughter wherever he goes. Sometimes those in need of responsibility learn best when they’re the practitioners of it. Drone Pilot.” A relieved sigh leaves Haechan’s mouth as he does a fist pump in the air and grins. This is something he’s wanted- being in the air as the all seeing eye. “Thank you for your childhood.”

Haechan takes his device from the elder man with a badge that said pilot. Haechan turns around about to head off stage in happiness, when all of a sudden sees your frozen posture and he remembers how they skipped your number. Hopefully it was a mistake.

“Number 47, Hendery.” Or not. “Ground keeper.” Haechan gets back to his seat with fear that they’ve skipped your number. Not just him, Jeno is equally as uneasy, concerned and worried for you. Not just in his mind but everyone is all thinking the same thing, you were going to be released. It’s what they did for those who weren’t qualified for a position and didn’t ‘fit in’ anywhere.

It’s hard paying attention to the other roles and jobs, as your parents see you standing on stage as your row finishes. In their minds, disappointment is what should’ve been clouding their heads. They raised a child who was unfortunate and couldn’t fit in the community. But no. That’s not what they think. Your mother thinks of you as brave, wondrous, fearless and an astounding human being. She had hoped you would even become… if she dares even say a Neorist elder… as rare as it is, she saw the potential in you. Despite your incorrect use of words, she always noticed how you naturally seemed curious. Your father thinks of you as someone who is daringly extraordinary. You embodied this wisdom and are a quick learner- for crying out loud you volunteered everywhere and almost everyone knew you because of how well rounded you were. You are an admirable child and there’s no way you’ll be released.

Not only your parents, but anyone who knows you, knows that you were… ‘different’ in a way. But then again, who would want to be different? There was no place for difference, except being released.

Chenle, despite his young age is not blind to the fact that you’re still on stage. Sitting in between his parents he looks up to his mother. “Mother, did they skip her?”

Always knowing what to say, this time she merely watches you as her heart slowly begins to race. She looks to Taeyong and he too has a great pale look on his face. Yesterday night, you said you were frightened. Terrified. And at this moment as all the names of the other year 20s are being called, you parents are feeling frightened and terrified themselves. Would you really be released? No. No way. You were such a good child. You were not a failure in anything. So why didn’t they call your name?

You stand there in absolute shock. Your eyes not daring to move away as you stare with daggers at the hologram. You repeat over and over in your head that they made a mistake and they’ll rectify it on the next call. They never do. You’re not anxious. You’re not terrified. You’re not frightened. But now, you’re horrified. You can feel your ears getting hot, your body is trembling, tears are coating your eyes. This can’t be real… this can’t be true.

Meanwhile, while the whole ceremony was a bore for the sole Dreamer Jaemin, the only man wearing black clothes, he particularly found this part interesting. Your reaction. He’s not slouching anymore on his seat. Instead, he’s leaning forward with a gaze so intense yet fascinatingly on you. He can only imagine what you’re feeling. You look so feeble… no, feeble is too much of drag… you look scared, like you’re about to pee in your pants.

“Number 60,” The president says the last name and you exhale lowly about to collapse from the tension. “Thank you for your childhood.” The last person walks up and receives a device walking off the stage. You’re too embarrassed to look back, you can’t even look back because you feel stiff to the bone. Your head feels heavy. The rooms temperature is declining and you swear that any time now, you’ll pass out. You’re the only one left on stage and just when you think things can’t get any worse your eyes pinch- “This marks the end of the ceremony. Thank you for your time.” Usually during this time, the screen would switch off, the monotonous robotic voice would thank everyone for coming and wish them all a safe return, or the auditorium would be filled with actual claps of two hands for the successful ceremony. Instead the only thing that switches off is the hologram.

Silence wafts the crowd.

Silence so loud that you’re sure that everyone can hear you struggling to hold in your breath. You’re breathing grows erratic.

You jolt lightly when seeing the hologram appear next to you. President Johnny is back on the screen. “You feel like I have made a mistake,” He states in a gracious tone. “I apologize to my community.”

The crowd is quick in saying, “We accept your apology.” But you don’t say it back.

“Number 45.” He turns around. Facing you. Your teary worried eyes stare at him. “I apologize for making you worry.”

You’re afraid to speak, but you gulp down quick and pass your arms past your eyes to remove the tears rapidly as you mutter out by force. “I accept your apology.”

Just as you wipe your eyes, the crowd grows quieter and tense from the unexpected Neorist who stands up and slowly draws closer behind you. The word Jeno would use is; dark. The word Haechan would use is; scary. The word your mother uses is; chilling. Your father is too speechless in thought to even think of the shady man standing behind you. The word the community would use is probably a forbidden word, a precision of language; ominous. As the contrast between you and the person standing behind you, is a combination of something… wrong. You’ve never volunteered in that field, so how is this possible… But for Jaemin, standing behind you, looking at your little form, he tries to see this as his last will to accomplish before he exempted to be taken to his death bed or better known as ‘elsewhere’.

Your name falls out of the President’s mouth again and you look up to his hologram, feeling that he can see you. “You have not been assigned a position, or role. You have been selected. As part of the boarding council of Neorists Elders, we were not hasty this time in choosing. We couldn’t afford another failure.” Hearing him say that, has you looking towards all the elders. Although your eyes miss the presence of one. It’s when you twist your head to perhaps find him, do you feel a sudden warmth against your back. You inhale and exhale quietly turning back to President Johnny. “You possess a great knowledge and understanding of all attributes in all communities. Intelligence. Integrity. Courage. And something that I can name, but I cannot describe, the capacity to dream beyond. You have always stood out.”

“Why does he insist on dragging things? You’re different, is what he means.” The whisper behind you, has you turning around fully to acknowledge the voice behind you. Looking into his empty eyes. He tilts his head to the side, lifting up something. You can’t even look down at what he’s holding, as your eyes are clear on his hair… you saw it yesterday in the sky… this hue… It’s now on his hair, but a darker shade. Your eyes focus back on his eyes and then his lips. “You can see it. It’s known as blue.” He whispers.

“But I must warn you,” The presidents voice gets drawn back into your ears. “Your training involves loneliness and isolation. Pain far beyond anything we know. Training that your school has not taught you. You may be female, but in you there’s great power. Are you strong enough for this? Do we think Y/n is brave enough?” The crowd taps their thighs eagerly in agreement. Chenle covers his mouth. “You have been selected as the next Dreamer. Thank you for your childhood.”

You take the device from the Dreamer’s hand and not even a second later, he’s walking back to his seat, satisfied. Meanwhile President Johnny wipes off the fake smile of his face as the hologram fades out. In his office he unfastens his tie breathing deeply. He was put into President-ship some years ago. And the ‘freedom’ he got to do anything he wanted was what allowed him to enjoy his post. If Jaemin left the Neorist, then it would mean Johnny would be exposed. And that’s not what he wants.

-

Haechan, Jeno and a few others congratulated you, while you felt others give you sympathetic eyes but told you to be strong for the community. Not very long, you left the auditorium with your family. Chenle rod on his new bike and asked mother a question: “The President said Y/n is now powerful. Does that mean she’s more powerful than you?” Mother hushed him and told him to not multitask, that he should focus on riding. No one knew what to say. You were the next Dreamer… You went up to your room. Dinner time came and you ate, shared feelings. You said you felt relieved, but in you there was nothing feeling relieved. You were the next Dreamer… what does that even mean? What does a dreamer do?

You felt this heavy pressure being weighed on you. Pain… Loneliness… you don’t even know how those things felt. After an appetizing dinner, which you couldn’t really enjoy because of the thoughts bursting all over your head. You disliked that they called you ‘different’ and outed you so that everyone could see you. Father says you’ve been greatly honored, but you feel petrified. No one said it to your face, but you could guess what they were all thinking. They were all scared for you. Being the next dreamer was scary.

Once the time reaches 7, you eagerly pull out the device that was instructed to only be opened around 7 p.m. The device shines brightly in your room with a hologram. Words begin to display themselves on the screen and you read over them. In your knowledge, you’ve always known there to be 10 Neorist Elders. And all these elders seemed to have large teams… however the Dreamer was the sole inheritor of the title. He was the only one known as the Dreamer. Thinking about him, you get goosebumps wondering if you’d be lonely like him. Despite it all, a part of you feels… as if they made the right choice.

Tomorrow is Monday. A new day. A new month. And a new year. You’d finally be able to work in your selected job.

Sleep doesn’t come easily, as your new rules from the device plays in your mind. Five new rules to follow and remember. One. Report directly to the Dreamer, Na Jaemin for your training. After training return immediately to your dwelling. Two. As of this moment on you are exempted from all rules governing rudeness. You may ask any questions. Three. Aside from your night sleeping medication, you’re not allowed to take any other form of medication. Especially for the pain. Four. You may not discuss your training with anyone. Ever.

Waking up in the morning, you don’t know how you fell asleep but you’re stunned that you slept on your own without your sleep injection. There’s a knock on your door, and you get up from bed to answer. Your father warmly greets you before handing you a package that is specially delivered for you. On the rectangular oddly black box there’s a title that says; DREAMER. You carefully pull back the box revealing the contents inside. There’s two sets of pants, one in denim quality and the other in a tight stretchy quality. There’s 3 dresses, all of the same length an inch above the knee, but different quality and forms. They’re all tight. And then they’re 2 pairs of skirts. One long in fine silk, and the other is below the knee. And lastly there’s 2 shirts. One long sleeve buttoned up shirt and one short sleeve buttoned up. And two pairs of shoes. 1 flat and 1 sportswear.

The only thing in common with all the new clothes is that they’re all in the color black.

A striking black that feels overwhelming. You quickly take your bath and eagerly get excited for what to wear. Despite the color, you’re enticed by the relaxing sweet smell. You decide to wear the black skinny denim pants and a long sleeve buttoned up. You get ready, eating breakfast with your family. There’s light chatter, but no one comments on your clothes feeling it… overpoweringly black. The moment the clock strikes 7 a.m. you leave like all the adults. Your parents wishes you well; father takes his bike to work, mother opts to walk to work while going with Chenle who eagerly takes his bicycle to school. And you, you smile when Jeno who’s riding his bicycle stops by your place.

“Cool.” His eyes marvel at your clothes. “First day of work.”

He’s also got on the regular nurse uniform. Full white long sleeved polo neck and some white pants with white shoes. He’s got a name tag over his left bicep jersey. “First day of work.” You reply with a big smile, getting on your bicycle and following along the same path that you normally took. Somewhere along some road you’d separate, but for now you’re just trying to relax even as you feel all eyes on you and your new outfit. It’s only now that you realize that everyone wears white so proudly like it’s their whole identity.

“They look so important.” He comments about your clothes. “In a good way of course,”

“I feel like I stick out too much.”

“Well yeah, there’s only one Dreamer.” He comments. “Two, if you I count you as well.” He smiles. He seems most happy for your work. “I can’t wait for you to tell me all about it. Have a good day.” He says before you both separate.

You get slightly gloomy when thinking of the fourth rule and how you’re never supposed to share anything about your training… oh yes, and finally the last rule. Five. You were now allowed to lie… but honestly, all your life you’ve already known how to lie. Subtle of course, but this rule makes you wonder if you’re lying would be taken to another level.

You don’t know how you feel about that yet, but so far, anticipation graces your presence as you ride your bike along the left side with other people heading to work either by foot or bike. It’s a long ride, as you recall the little map shown on your device. But it’s not like you really needed the map, the Dreamer’s layer was at the edge of the community, or like some liked to call it the end of the world. You’ve heard stories about people getting lost to the edge and never to be seen again. You never thought of them to be real, but riding closer and getting away from humanity and following the sole trial leading you across various trees before slipping into dry lands, you wonder how the edge looks.

You’re in absolute awe when seeing clouds formed as an outline all around the edge. Each community is separated almost by thousands of miles by these clouds blocking any vision to the other side. Each community is built up on a large structure preventing the people from ever seeing below. Despite the community being in the center, the edge would still be spoken about from everybody. And now you get to work closely to it…

There’s a little bricked grey residence. It has one large door, but so many large vines that look sharp spreading all around the exterior of the house. There’s no place to lock your bicycle, so you just put it down on the tips of the grass, and keenly walk the path to the grand door. You knock on the door twice - stepping back quickly when hearing a monotonous robotic voice. “Welcome. Please gaze at the sensor.” You turn to the device on the wall and lean close to ‘gaze’ at it. The door unlocks itself with a loud clicking sound. “Welcome Dreamer Y/n.”

After composing yourself and taking in a deep breath, you step through the door, watching it close by itself. There's nothing but a greyly lit corridor. You follow the steep corridor, only knowing that it's probably leading you. The passage gets narrow and dimmer, and so do your nerves peek high. You're pretty sure you're alone but for some reason you keep hearing… something. You can't make out what it is, it sounds like whispers running down. You turn another corner which is even more steep and downhill. But finally after much touring you come to a stop in front of a door. It's completely black and has the word DREAMER engraved in the middle. There's no handle for you to pull or twist, so you push the door instead- and like a rushing wind exploding in your ears you hear so much noise. Your eyes enlarge by the sight of the long structured tall room with a wide window view of rushing waters streaming down. "Oh my."

You step in holding onto a nearby rail as your eyes take in the room that looks so much like a garden but inside of a … fortress. You're standing close to the door on a spiraling staircase with a large and thick tree right in the middle. It’s branches spread up so high that they spread over the ceiling. The staircase leading down has an open view of the whole foyer. All the walls are filled with books and they go even higher. When your eyes reach the ceiling, there's a chandelier emitting out so many lights. Looking down, you're in awe of the particular setting. A one seat couch rests near the view of the floor to ceiling closed window, there's a circular glass table with curved designs holding it up. On the opposite side another long lengthen couch catches your attention as it flourishes with several pillows and blankets lacing its wide embrace- and it only has one elbow rest, but the other side is empty. Aside from that the one thing that really astonishes you is all the pot planets and the lively nature in the room.

You walk down the spiraling staircase not only looking at the tree but getting a look at the books. Titles such as Animals of the world, Philosophy of color- all peak your interest as you've never heard or even seen any of these books anywhere in the community. Finally making it down the stairs, your head moves towards another foreign large rectangular boxed object. A lift. The doors slide open and you’re immediately alert when someone walks out of it. It's the Dreamer. Aside from his clothing, his face alone has such a bold difference compared to anyone you know in the community. He's dressed in all black again, with a puffed jacket and a short hairstyle that embodied both rebellion and attitude and he emits such a bad character. He's scowling and muttering under his breath, also noticing your presence. "Great." His unoptimistic and bored underline tone of sarcasm speaks volumes to you. He's not happy. "You're here. Can't even enjoy these last days."

"I apologize for disturbing you. I'm Y/n the dreamer in train-"

"Shit." Your ears are tender to the words he says, and you even frown upon hearing a cursed word. "You think I don't know who you are?”

“Oh. I apologize. Good morning-”

“Miss me with that greeting." His footsteps are rapid as he makes his way to his personal space… another open section that you couldn't see from upwards. "Follow me." He drags out. And you follow with a distance behind. The open area is not long and stretched out with books, it's caved in white darkness (if that makes sense) but still has the scenery of nature. Unlike the previous room it has no windows but a large circular table. He turns around with such a crude face; rough but open. His lips prompt in a tight line. He takes a seat and you can't help but take a seat on the only other chair.

He lets out a sigh and rolls his head around his neck muttering things you can't hear, before finally addressing you. "So, why do you think you were selected?" His low voice cuts through the silence with a hint of boredom.

"I… uhm. Selected? Well, because…" You try to sort out your thoughts realizing that they are all jumbled because of his bored and… upset face. "The President chos-"

"No. I don’t want to hear anything about the Elders or freaking President, those people don’t even think for themselves. They never have. I want to know, why you think you were selected by me?"

"Oh." You feel hot in embarrassment when he cuts you off. "I apologize-"

You can't even finish your apology when he rolls his eyes and grunts out in annoyance muttering more words underneath his breath. He exhales audibly. "It doesn't matter. Just answer.”

You stare at him for a moment, thinking about how to respond.

“Why are you here?" He goes on finding your slowness irritating.

But you decide to stay quiet because you don't want to upset him even more. He seems like a really cold person… there's no word other than jerk to describe his cold demeanor. However, you'd rather he not have any bad feelings for you, then you having bad feelings for him. So you stay silent.

"Are you deaf? I asked you a question." But he's not making it easy.

“I’m here to be a dreamer.” Your hot lips answer feeling so stupid.

"That’s not an answer to the question I asked.” Staring at you like you're below him in every aspect. He sighs. “I’m here to be a dreamer. And she doesn’t even know why she’s picked.” He mimics and scowls muttering under his breath. “Did you review your rules?" You nod your head. "Can you state them out for me."

In the moment your mind tries to organize itself to answer, but he lets out another sinking sigh.

"Damn you're so slow it's annoying." His shoulders sag as he rubs on his temple. "With me you'll have to be more fast, so come on speak already." His voice slightly raises.

"Uhm, rule number 1…”

“I can’t hear you.” He deadpans.

“I apologize-”

“Stop apologizing. It’s fucking annoying just say the damn rules already.”

Your hands tremble unconsciously. “U-uhm, rule number 1 don't lie- I mean you can lie-"

His face scrunches as he waves his hand in the air dismissing you. "You couldn't even be bothered to learn the damn rules. Do you think being a dreamer means slacking off? Do you think being dreamer is easy work? Is that why you didn’t put in any effort? You wore the clothes but don’t have single sense in your head about what this is? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I apologize-"

"And stop fucking apologizing it's irritating-" He gets irritable quick and you're feeling so tense and hot and embarrassed. You've never left so uneasy, uncomfortable and humiliated before as he nags on. "Look. I'm going to tell you a very important fact right now," His voice deeply grunts. "I'm not going to waste my time with you if you’re not serious. Do you think you’re deserving to be a dreamer?”

“Sir I’m not too sure-”

“So why the fuck do you think you’re here?” Jaemin groans out.

“I don’t know.”

“Do you even want to be here? You’re showing no interest at all in this and it’s pissing me off. Since you walked in here you've ruined my whole mood and now after questioning you, you've shown me zero interest in being a Dreamer-"

"Sir respectfully speaking." You find yourself cutting him off with a trembling tone. "I think I want to leave. I think the elders have made a mistake in selecting me as the dreamer.”

“You want to leave? Leaving before we even get started? Wow. Leave then. You know where the door is. And don’t expect to come back tomorrow if you’re just going to be a slow nuisance.” He manages to pull off another disappointed look at you. And before he can even say another word, your fast paced footsteps lead you up the stairs and you push past the door almost running through the corridors and finally to the front door, thankfully the censor senses movements and the door opens. You run to your bike and get on it leaving.

You feel strangled and strained on your whole journey back, the tears being forced not to implore out as you ride your bike. But once you get in your house, all the compressed emotions come bawling out of your eyes as you stuff your face in your pillow crying out. You don’t know for how long you wail and weep out, you don’t even hear your mother and father knocking by your door. They enter your room in palpable worry. They look to each other and draw closer to your bed.

Your mother calls your name while sitting on the edge of your bed. “What’s the matter? I got a call from the Intelligence center that you returned home before work hours were over.”

“Mother I hate work.” Sitting up drastically and uncovering your face that’s blotched in waterworks caused by your excessive crying. Your father who’s standing behind your mother, equally looks to you with a down casted face. “I don’t ever wanna go there again.” Your shaky voice paired together with your cries has both Taeyong and Seulgi in shock.

Carefully your mother places her hand on your covered thigh. “But you’re the next Dreamer-”

“I don’t want to be a dreamer.” Your sudden blabbered shout gets the both of them in quick surprise as they take in your behavior. “I don’t wanna go there again! I don’t like it there! He’s so mean to me and I didn’t even do anything.”

“No shouting.” Your mother tries to calm you down but you shake your head getting erratic. “Young lady if you do not lower your voice this instant you will not have supper with us-”

“Please get out of my room. I don’t appreciate you guys not understanding me. Just leave and stop acting like you understand my emotions because you don’t!” You’re far too deep in your emotion to realize that you’ve just commanded and ordered your parents out of your room. But your parents too are in shock at your outburst that they allow themselves out the door as you bang the door. You get shocked by your own behavior but you get on the bed feeling so unfortunate and frustrated.

-

A light knock lands on your door causing you to sniff back as you open the door. Your father. “I apologize for yelling and being angry.”

“I accept your apology.” His tender tone makes you feel guilty for the upsurge you did this afternoon. “Would you like to come and eat?” Still with your head down you nod. “Good. Your food has gone a bit cold, but it’s still there.”

Walking out the room with your father, you come downstairs to see your brother still eating his food and your mother already finished and setting her empty tray in the center of the table. The middle of the table sinks in the tray and comes back up empty. Upon your entrance your mother sternly stares at you. You avoid eye contact as you make it to your seat. Sitting down, before even touching your tray you meekly look up to her stern and upset eyes. “I apologize for the ruckus I caused this afternoon.”

“You mean disturbance and the tantrum?” She has a deep frown on her face. You can’t even look at her. “Do you know where bad kids go if they don’t obey their parents? They get released. Immediately. Do you want to be released?” She questions sternly and you shake your head. “You have been greatly honored to carry the duty of being a Dreamer, and what do you do? You rebut.”

“I apologize mother.” You say again, sucking up your lips trying to find a way to bring up the topic in a calm manner. “Mother but I don’t-”

“I am not done talking young lady. Your distressed brother can’t even bring himself to eat because of your uproar.” She continues, making you pay attention to Chenle who still has his chopsticks in his hands but doesn’t eat.

“I apologize brother.” You speak.

He looks up with crystal eyes that would almost break. He stutters out. “I- I accept your apology.”

“I feel disappointed and upset in you Y/n.” Seulgi is vocal about her feelings towards you. “I was flabbergasted this afternoon.”

“I apologize mother.” But that only irks your voice to speak up. “But I’m also stressed and angry-”

“Precision of language.” She’s quick in correcting you. “Do you even know what anger is? You are not feeling angry; you are feeling annoyed and maybe even rebellious.”

“No I’m not. Why do you always try to correct what I’m feeling, when I myself know what I’m feeling? You don’t understand what I went through today- so how can you judge whether I’m angry or not. My mentor the dreamer is a huge jerk and-” You can hear your mother saying precision of language, while your father silently continues to eat in the tense atmosphere and Chenle about cry. “You don’t know what I’m feeling at all but you pretend to know everything. If you claim to know everything why don’t you be the dreamer. I hate it there-”

Your mother’s voice rises. “Young lady. Precision of language. And I’m warning you to lower your tone-”

There’s no way of saying this calmly anymore, as you’re already being fired up with emotions. “Mother you have the power to speak to the chiefs and elders in charge because you work as the head principals for all the schools in this community. I’m sure if you tell them about my amazing participation at the nursing center, then they can change me and put me there-”

“I will not use my position to carry out your obnoxiously spoiled behavior just because you had one bad day at work-”

“It’s not one bad day- this guy is a maniac! He’s so rude and mean!”

“How dare you speak like that about an Elder?” Your mother can’t get any more worked up then she is. This is something new she’s experiencing and Taeyong too senses the rising argument turning into something bad. He gets up and moves to Chenle helping him out his seat and leading him up the stairs to his room. He wasn’t allowed to see such waves of emotions.

“Father,” Chenle asks lowly in sorrow. “Why are mother and Y/n yelling?”

“Don’t worry Chenle. It’ll be alright. Just brush your teeth and get ready for bed. You can take your injection alone this time, while father goes to assist mother in trying to calm down your sister. Okay?”

“Okay father.” Chenle nods his head, obeying the words of his father. While Taeyong goes back down the stairs only to hear the escalation of the conversation.

A word arises in you in heaps of and you blurt it out. “No!” You complain. “It’s not fair.” Your chair falls back at you stand up abruptly.

“Precision of language!” This time Seulgi raises her voice querulously standing up as well evoking her authority over you and deep fury. How dare you talk back? Raise your voice? Say such nonsensical things? Stare her in the eye and continuously breaking and violating all rules of language. “What do you know about fairness? My decision is final and firm. You will go to work tomorrow and obey the Elder Dreamer! Do you hear me?”

“Mother-” You cry out.

“If you will not eat and continue to stand there quarrelling and arguing with me I will send you off to be re-”

“You’re so cruel!” Is your last resort of defiance to her word as you run off from the table and up the stairs. In another act of defiance, you bang the door causing everyone in the house to jolt. Chenle quickly places his wrist over the little robotic stand taking his injection so that he can sleep and not allow his mind to be filled with the worries of the house.

“That little girl has gone mad.” Seulgi storms up the stairs ready to issue you your first warning but yet Taeyong stops her.

“My wife please control yourself. You’re acting out of an unhealthy temper. Calm down please.” Taeyong places his hands gently over her shoulders. Even though touching was only allowed within family members, he still found himself agitated when holding onto his wife. He lets her go when his hands rest on for too long. She deeply breathes in and walks down the stairs to the living room. Taeyong places the other trays in the middle of the table before joining his wife on the couch. Very soon it’ll be sleep time. But he can’t sleep knowing she’s upset. He’s interrupted when the robotic podium by the door beeps.

“Please stand by for a transition.” They’re both up on their feet in an instant with beating hearts as a hologram programs itself and stands in the middle of their living room. They’re stunned to see the general suit of the President. His voice morphs out of the robotic voice into his voice. “Good evening residence of Taeyong.”

“Good evening sir.” They both bow standing straight. The hologram would only present itself in public spaces on special occasions, but seeing it in the middle of their living room they’re in shock. The president of all communities is standing right in their dwelling place. This is either bad or good. But after what happened, it’s most likely the people in Intelligence watching over the communities’ surveillance camera caught onto the argument that was happening.

“I apologize for appearing in just short notice.”

“We accept your apology.”

“It is with utmost importance that you understand everything that I will say.” President Johnny says strictly. “Your daughter has been greatly privileged in the position of being our next Dreamer. She’ll be held in the highest regards at her post. Do you know what that means? That in due time, after Jaemin will step down from his post, all elders will come to your daughter to seek advice on decision making. Including myself. She will be the one who makes the final decision regarding all 7 communities. She will oversee and be the eyes of our world. Your daughter has been selected to undergo a change in her behavior.”

The pressure is almost tangible.

“We’re well pleased with how you’ve handled her unruly emotions, however as protocol, we’ll need to punish her.” Johnny mentions, noting that their activities in the house didn’t go unnoticed by the people watching and listening over various platforms and gadgets. His plan, to lore you in and deal with you himself. Infiltrate your mind about Jaemin and hopefully have you on the president’s side.

“Pardon me President Johnny. Please don’t punish my daughter. It was just her first day and it seems that there was a misunderstanding between her and the Dreamer.” Seulgi politely inputs.

Johnny civilly smiles. “If I must explain why I have appeared here virtually, it’s to address the importance of the Dreamer’s work. It is the only Headquarters we have across all the communities, and thus it’s the only place that has no cameras, no earpieces and no way for us to check in. As elders we are blind to the things she will train about, the pain she will face, the hardship she will have to endure, however all we know is that Dreamer Na Jaemin chose her. If it were my daughter, I too would be concerned seeing her cry, but as he chose her, he saw her fit. Meaning she needs to learn to endure his prude behavior just for a little while.. After all, this is her job, this is the only thing she’s made to do. If she refuses, then we’ll have to release her. And that will be a great loss, not only for your community, but for all the communities. What a shame that will be. I can’t imagine being the parent of a child who’s failed.”

The pressure being put upon them is very much palpable. It almost feels like all the communities are depending on her to get it right. Is this really the great responsibility you’d have to carry?

“As you’ve stated that she shouldn’t be punished, I’m assuming you have a way to convince her to returning to her duty as the Dream Trainee.” Johnny says. “None the less, if she won’t be punished, then one of you will need to take her place. As I speak, there are two securities outside your door ready to take one of you or her. I truly apologize to bring such distressing news like this.”

“We accept-” Seulgi stops speaking when hearing that Taeyong isn’t saying anything. She turns to him and his face is tangled in a severe unyielding hassle.

“I’m sorry to inquire this President Suh.” Taeyong speaks up. “Is it possible for the Dreamer to choose someone else? I don’t deny the great responsibility it is to-”

“Taeyong.” Seulgi hushes him shaking her head. He merely stares at her before directing his gaze to the ground.

“She’s just a little girl. To put all that weight of pressure on her shoulders is-”

“At the ceremony we all deemed her strong. If we change her job, won’t it be unfair to all the other 20’s who might be in similar positions of not liking what job they’re in?” Even though that is highly impossible, Johnny tries to prove a point. In history of the communities, there hasn’t been a single person who has hated their post. For Taeyong to be saying that only makes Johnny understand that Jaemin most certainly provoked you. Johnny tries not to scoff aloud, at this rate Jaemin might remain the only Dreamer again. “Your daughter is not so little anymore and it’s with that behavior that we should send her into punishment now in order to confine her and-”

“No. Please don’t take her.” Seulgi speaks up quickly. Apologizing for interrupting him to which Johnny doesn’t accept the apology, causing the air to be tight. Seulgi puts an end to the visitation. “I apologize for our inadequate behavior. We will do what must be done for our community. Take me instead for her punishment. Her father-” Seulgi in hopes of keeping her family name honored stares at Taeyong. Trying to make him understand that value in society is important then whatever he was feeling for your bratty attitude. “He will talk to her.”

Johnny stares down at the two beings in firmness. Frankly speaking, aside from being president, Johnny really enjoyed making people in the community sweat with fear. It makes him feel really powerful and in control. “I accept your apology. Thank you for your time.”

The hologram turns off and a deep silence is spread throughout the room until a low knock makes itself known. “Taeyong, make sure to speak to her before curfew. We cannot be shamed.” Those are Seulgi’s last words as she makes her way to the door and following the two securities. Taeyong sighs hopelessly taking a seat on the couch. Not good.

“30 minutes to light out.” The distant robotic voice captures the attention of all residence dwellings. Taeyong gets himself up and makes his way to your room. He didn’t want to impose or force you, but it seems like he’ll have to do what must be done.

Entering your room without knocking, Taeyong finds you upright on the bed with a somber look. You already had a feeling of what he’d say. “Father please.”

“You need to be brave my daughter.” He lets out as he sits on the edge of your bed.

“I don’t wanna go back. I don’t want to be a Dreamer. Father please don’t make me go.” You cry out. “Please.” You try to subside your crying but it only turns into a tremble of hiccups. “Please father, can’t we just make a request for them to change me? I don’t want to be Dreamer. He was so mean and unfriendly. Please.”

Taeyong is feeling an overwhelming pit of hurt inside of him. He’s never felt like this before. But seeing you cry and beg only aches him to want to do something for you, but he knows he can’t. If he had the power, he would have recommended you be changed. But he’s not, and it would be unfair to the community. He puts his arms around you. You take a quick second to respond and confide in his embrace. “Father please.” You plead.

“You know,” He speaks quietly. Thinking of how to shatter you but in a light way. “Jisung is still in the nurturing center and he continues to fight for his chance to be a one. Just the same way he’s trying his best, I want you to try your best. Perhaps today was an unpleasant day, but who knows, maybe tomorrow things will be different.” He hears you crying, but he continues on with a heavy heart.

“But he makes me feel so incompetent and so stupid.” You hiccup the words out.

“So prove to him that you are not incompetent or stupid. Do your best my daughter. Because I know that you are not stupid. You are unique. There must be a reason he selected you. If he saw something in you the first time he chose you, then try your best to keep up with that image that he saw. You alone can handle this. It may be a tough journey, but I promise you my daughter, you will bring great honor to your family and for all the communities. You are worthy to lead us all, and I… believe in you.”

Precision of language. You hear in your head. But you don’t say it out loud. The word ‘believe’ has some kind of effect on you to take in what your father said. It’s better than the words of your mother. Your father believed in you, and that’s all that mattered for now. Even though you really didn’t want to go back to the Dream Headquarters, there was no other place you were put in. You were selected and it’s for that reason why all your life you felt different. Maybe it’s what Jaemin saw when he saw you. He believed that you’d be the next Dreamer. Whatever that meant.

-

Breakfast is quiet in the morning, with your mother not being present. You eat your breakfast and try to cheer Chenle up, who woke up extremely quiet. Waking up today, you felt encouraged from your fathers strengthening words. You didn’t want to wear the black clothes, but you had no choice. You picked out the dress that was buttoned down with a white shirt collar inside and tried to force a smile on your face. Giving yourself a pep talk. It worked well because you were able to cheer Chenle up… slightly.

“Father,” You ask as he leaves the door just as Chenle gets his bike ready. “Where is mother?”

Taeyong has no idea what the punishment was or when she’d be back. He simply smiles. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be taking Chenle to school. Try and have a good day at work okay?”

You gulp. “Alright.”

You don’t see Jeno along the path and decide to ride your bike to the unfamiliar roads towards the edge. Your hands ball over the material of the dress before you sigh in and walk towards the door. “Let’s try this one more time.”

Nothing’s changed upon your arrival, you still gaze at the censor and the door opens up in a creepy way, the endless halls feel even longer today and at last upon getting to the Dreamer door, you push it open. The only thing different today is that you see the Dreamer already seated on the single couch… sipping on a little cup. You push the door quietly behind you catching his attention. His head instantly springs towards the uninvited guest. Seeing you, his nonchalant gaze doesn’t change. “You’re back.” Great, he sarcastically groans.

You take in a sharp breath, feeling like you can smell the rushing waters and the pure air around. “Rule number one. Report directly to the Dreamer, Na Jaemin for my training. After training I should return immediately to my dwelling. Rule number two. As of this moment on I’m exempted from all rules governing rudeness. I may ask questions. Rule three. Aside from my sleep injection medication, I’m not allowed to take any other form of medication. Especially for the pain. Rule number four. I may not discuss my training with anyone. Ever. And rule number five allows me to lie.”

You suck up your breath with your hands behind your back watching him with a look of determination. Perhaps your father was right and your mother too was right. Yesterday was just one bad day, and it shouldn’t be how you define Dreamer Na Jaemin.

“Dude it’s like 7 in the morning, I just woke up.” He simply stares up at you shaking his head. “A good morning would’ve done the job just fine.”

“But you said, and I quote that I should miss you with that greeting. I assume you don’t like greetings.”

He sighs. You sound chatty today. “I don’t like those manufactured greetings that everyone is obliged to do. Have some personality is what I mean.”

“Personality?”

He deeply sighs rolling his eyes, stretching his hand and signaling you to come down. This time you’re quick in rushing down the stairs with loud and rapid steps causing Jaemin to turn his head back at you in discombobulation as he watches you spiraling down the steps with quick feet. Damn. Someone’s eager today. Before he knows it, you’re already down the steps and walking towards him hastily. You stop several feet away from him. Confusion… Maybe even muddled thoughts, is what’s happening in Jaemin’s head. “And then? What the hell? Why’re you beating down on my floors like that? Fuck, do you want to break them?”

“I apolo-” You stop yourself from apologizing recalling how irritated he got when you kept apologizing. “Yesterday you told me to be fast.” You explain. “My intentions were not to break the floors. However, I made no such move to destroy your floors by walking on them.”

Jaemin sighs and rubs his head. “It’s too early for this.” He mumbles and waves his hand over to the long couch opposite him. “Take a seat. I was just having my breakfast.”

You wish to apologize for interrupting, yet your head tilts to the side in confusion when seeing him attend to his own breakfast instead of it being delivered by the table… Come to think of it, and by the looks of it, his table did not look like anything you had in your house. Instead, he’s got a tray… a little… cup. You think. You’ve never heard of a cup before. Everyone in the community used bottles. Even before you came down… your mind made reference to the cup he was drinking from. He leans forward taking a knife utensil in his hand and spreading a thick substance over bread… the bread looks a shade black and you blink twice in astonishment. Your eyes try not stare in absolute confusion or dread, but when you meet his eyes and watching as they’re already on you with an amused smirk, you lean back and sit up straight. “The community eliminated simple breakfast such as toasted bread or chocolate spreading because of allergies erupting, intolerance or even things like smell or color- which you can’t see.” Jaemin mutters.

“I apologize- I mean… I don’t apologize.” You clear your throat looking ahead and away from him as he eats his food. The things he said about allergies, smell and color… are all new to you.

He sighs and shakes his head continuing to spread ‘chocolate’ over his toast. “Give me a second to eat and I’ll get back to you.” His eyes peer at yours before he continues eating, ignoring you. Frankly speaking, he didn’t think you’d come back. With the way you cried before leaving his layer, he already deemed you as unfit and thus feeling like he made another horrible choice. However, you’re here. And he has yet to ask you why. But for now, he eats his food, as you stare back and forth to anything that catches your eye. The tree staircase. The books on the wall…

You’ve never seen so many books before. In classes, the only person who had a book was the teacher as she/he taught everyone. You and the rest of your classmates were assigned to remember and memorize the words she said by brain memory. You’ve never opened a book before or see more than one. So to see all the books on the wall has you hooked.

“You can take a look at them if you like.” Jaemin mumbles nodding to the thing that has captivated your attention the most. Your head snaps back to him politely smiling and looking back. Getting up carefully, holding onto your skirt. You walk towards the books, being careful of the floor, hearing your shoes tapping on it. Nearing the long shelf of books, your eyes with interest read over the titles on the spine. Over each shelf there’s a little metallic bar that has titles for each section. Science fiction, fiction, paranormal etc. You get drawn to a certain title that’s on the far left near the lift.

‘Reality’. Looking the books that surround the shelf, one captures your attention… ‘Dreamscape’ You carefully pull it out of its slot. It’s a hardcover and it’s black, with a heavy font title. You’ve never opened a book before, but you can already expect the type of things to be in it. For one, it should be words. Yet, for some reason, in this book… instead of words you see… pictures. Odd pictures that play with your mind and intelligence.

“That’s a good pick.” You cover the book quick turning to the side seeing Jaemin’s hands stuffed in his gown pockets as he enters the lift. “I’m going to change.” He mumbles. Soon the elevator closes and he’s out of sight. Turing around you see his breakfast still on the table. Still with the book in hand, you walk back to the table taking a seat, you look through the peculiar pictures being in awe and even amazement of what you’re seeing. Thankfully after every picture on one page, there’s a back page with the illustration of artwork.

‘Dreamscape. A noun. A realm taking place in a dream. It can be shaped and changed by skilled dreamers. A blank canvas on which dreams are formed. It can also be daydreaming deeply. It duplicates a fanatically fascinating scene as seen in a dream.’

The pictures you see are things you’ve never seen before in your entire life… yet with the longer you look… a name comes to mind. Your eyes are in pure wonder by the obscurity of the art being displayed. There’s something eerie about the pictures yet so insightful. You end up getting freaked out by the eerie similarity it has to reality. To think that these things exist is off putting. As this book is called the dreamscape, would it mean that you’ll be seeing more of these things?

Your eyes move to the table, where one color of the cup stands out to you. You place everything on the tray and pick up the tray looking for a disposable place to put it. It seems like the dreamer Na Jaemin doesn’t have any of the recent modifications to his house. Everyone has the same layout of their houses, but Jaemin’s house… or rather the Dream center doesn’t have the same things as out there. You end up not exploring the place and just leave the tray on the side of the table after cleaning up the space nicely.

“I’m gonna just kick off with where we brutally ended off yesterday.” Jaemin’s presence is brought back in the room when he strides towards the table. He notices that you’ve cleaned up the table for him. He inhales inside as he takes a seat. “But before I start, I just wanted to excuse myself for how I behaved yesterday.”

Your ears are attentive to that. “If your mood was spoiled upon my presence, then I truly apologize. I was nervous and unprepared. I took up your time and for that I apologize. I can assure you that I am a fast person and-”

“That’s not necessary.” He tightly smiles bowing his head to scratch his nape. “You caught me during a bad time. And I dare even say I’m used to being alone and seeing you in my house just threw me off guard. So when you showed up, I was already up here-” He motions with his hand as if motioning a bar. You assume he was already upset.

“I accept your apology.”

He looks like he’s about to speak again, but after hearing you he sighs and shuts his eyes. You hold onto your fingertips wondering if it’s because accepted his apology that he got upset. “Do me favor. When you’re here, try and not be… robotic.” He opens up his eyes peering deeply into your eyes. “See it like this. You’re now a Dreamer, you’ve got nothing to apologize for. Here, in this place, with me, you are free.”

“That’s a… precision of language.”

“What is?”

“Being free.” You utter lowly. “That evokes unrestricting behavior.”

He smiles at that. “Trust me. When you’re here with me, you’re free. Freedom is not what they’ve taught you. For as long as you’re here with me, everything you’ve been taught in school will soon be put to shame. So, let’s start again. Why do you think I picked you?” He prays that you’re prepared this time.

Already having prepared the answer at home, you respond accordingly. “I assume you picked me because of my excellent scores in academics. I have shown a keen understanding in almost all of our communities rules and how our world works and-”

Jaemin merely blinks staring at you. His eye twitches nonchalantly in irritation but he tries to compose himself. He can’t fathom that this is how his life is going to be from now on. You answer on as if you’re being questioned for an interview. You ramble on about the things you’ve done in your classes, projects and in all honesty they sound great, but to Jaemin he doesn’t give a damn about your achievements. So when he cuts you off, it’s because he’s tired of hearing you speak. “Your robotic voice is already doing the things it shouldn’t be doing. Tell me about the day you first noticed that you were ‘different’. That something seemed unusual in this bubble world. The day the sky turned blue, the day you fell asleep without taking your nightly dosage. I wanna hear about that. Being a dreamer is not so much about your excellence in projects, it’s more so about seeing beyond. It’s what caught my eye when I saw you.”

You nod slightly, feeling your heart beat slow down by his calm demeanor when addressing you. “Seeing beyond… would that mean seeing something that others can’t?” Jaemin nods his head. “I don’t know if I’ve seen beyond, but I can confess to seeing something in the sky… You called it blue. It’s what I saw. The sky was blue. But would this mean that you’ve been watching me all the time? Is that how you were able to tell?”

“Honestly the first time I laid my eyes on you was three days, riding your bike while looking up at the sky. I work in Intelligence, so I’m in charge mostly for the injections and serums that the community takes in order to remain ‘the same’, so I get noticed when someone doesn’t take their injection. Which is rare. But after seeing you, I noticed that your record captured that you’d often take your injection late and not at the same time as everyone.” Jaemin lets you in.

“But, President Johnny said you weren’t haste in making selecting.” What can this mean?

“I wasn’t haste. I saw your eyes.” Jaemin states, this time his eyes… doing something to you. “And I already knew. You see, the serums and injections are modified and cultivated by the Dreamers of the past to keep everyone the same. But you, aren’t the same like them. You can see beyond. Our duty as Dreamers, is to make sure we’re bound to never repeat the mistakes our descendants of the past made in destroying the world.” Jaemin gives insight, to which you’re surprised. “If you want me to be frank with you, I chose you off a hunch that you saw the blue color in the sky.”

“Color.” You say slowly…by the new word that just formed a second ago. Not only color but all sorts of new words; utensil knife, cup… These are words you’ve never known before. It looks like today Dreamer Na Jaemin seems to be willing to share something with you. “Will you be… sharing with me what color is?

For the first time, since you’ve been here, Na Jaemin displays a smile. “You’re here for one purpose. To dream beyond the infinite universe. I will transmit to you all the memories and all the dreamscapes I hold.”

You clear your throat. “I would be very interested in learning about your life,”

“No, not my life. Memories of the everything before the war.” Jaemin smirks a little. “You will learn the secret history of the world. About the past long before you were born, or even me, or even anyone in these damn communities. Generations dating back. You’ll learn everything. So, as the memories come, words you’ve never heard of before will also sparkle into your head as if you’ve always known them.”

“I’m not understanding…” You say lowly. “Memories of the world?”

“Yes, the large world we live in, not just here in our communities. There’s much more, so much beyond what we know. I received all of those when I was selected too. And here in this room all alone, I re-experienced them again and again, it’s how the wisdom comes, and how we shape our future. For example, color. These are sights to behold, that fill life with kinetic energy. You can see the color blue now, but in due time all the colors will manifest themselves. When they’ll come, instantly catch onto it’s name.” Jaemin gets up and begins to drag the glass table to the side. Once he’s done, he scoots his chair closer to you, your knees almost touching.

You feel uncomfortable by his proximity and shift backwards in your seat, creating some space again. Jaemin notices this, but doesn’t say much as he holds out his hands. “You see, no one in our community has any memories of the past. Only me. When the elders need guidance in things they’ve never experienced, I provide wisdom. Which will now be your role, using the guidance of the memories of the past. Our community thrives in avoiding anything that will lead to the disasters of the previous world we’ve left behind.”

Confused is what you are. But you don’t voice it.

“Give me your hands.”

“My hands?”

He nods his head while removing his leather black jacket and then holding out both of his hands.

You unwillingly stretch your hands to him, peering up at him … you gaze onto the palm of his hands when seeing a rectangular darkened shape right in the middle, it’s small but it’s dark enough for you to see. It’s exactly the same like yours. On the palm of your hands there’s also a rectangular shape in a shade darker. “Isn’t touching prohibited?”

“With me it’s not.” He takes your hands in his and you shiver just by how cold his are. Jaemin feels your soft hands tilting his head to the side when gazing at your nervous ones. “In anyway, if this hurts, let me know.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“I’ll open your mind.” Holding your hands firmly by aligning the rectangular shapes onto each other instantly as if being in a trance you fall unconscious blacking out.

At first it’s just darkness like sleep as you see nothing. The blackness soon fades, leaving little flickering lights coming clear to your vision. Next thing you know, you can’t feel Jaemin’s hands anymore… but it’s like you’re transported to some other place. And then that’s when you feel it. The sound hits your ears first, before you feel the pressure of the wind against your face. Your eyes follow on as you flatter them to open. Instantly your view is engulfed by the optical sight of wonder. Your eyes enlarge… the skies, the clouds passing by rapidly as you’re on some sort of carriage, vehicle.

The odd word comes in your head. There’s no roof and you seem to be navigating it. Your hands are on a circular object, you turn it lightly and it causes you to shift the vehicle to another lane. You’re in awe the shades and hues of… color as they bounce out of the black and grey and turn into… colors you’ve never seen before… At first you see blue first, on the skies… and then on the grass, a bright refreshing pop spreads all over into…green… you think. Not only that, you notice your hands as a shade brightens your skin, the wheel of the vehicle and eventually also the car itself spreads into a color that you can’t really tell… or catch onto the word.

Instead of wondering about the color, your ears get engulfed by the wind, it swirls in your ears whooshing past your hair and tingles your skin. The speed of the vehicle increases when you press down on something. With the road narrow and endless, you smile as you look out the window of the vehicle enjoying the sights of everything…

Until-

You’re jolted awake briskly snapping your eyes open! “What was that?!” You hastily pull your hands away from Jaemin backing up in fright as you stand and look around, your back hits the floor to ceiling wall window and you rapidly turn around. You can’t even follow the sight of the waterfall, because your eyes are trapped on the sudden… colors forming over the landscape that was once grey… the waterfall has shades of blue as it continues endlessly down, while the scenery of grass and trees and shrubs dealing downwards turn… green. Despite your eyes being open your mind is transported back to that memory of the vehicle you were in… “Car.” You turn around in disbelief shock, as your hands reenact the scene of how you were driving the… car. “It’s a car…”

Jaemin is shocked that you catch onto the names fast. He wasn’t expecting for you to get it that quick. He hums out in understanding… so this is what happens when he’s with a real dreamer… and not when he tries to force someone to be a dreamer. “Yeah, that was a car. It took me a while to get it, but you got it on your first try. Good job”

“What is it though?” You ask curiously (subtly remembering that he just complemented you) walking back to the chair and taking a seat keenly leaning in to hear what Jaemin has to say. “That car, why don’t we have it anymore? It was… extraordinary.” You’re speechless but the enlarged smile on your face has Jaemin lightly smiling for a bit.

“Well, for starters, cars ran on engine and fuel which sometimes would pollute the air. Bad gas in the air caused harm to the earth and different lands harboring crops. Alternative solutions were made to reduce air pollution, such as the car running on battery instead of gas, but with that also came complications of its own. One problem leading to another problem.” Your ears take in all this new information of the foreign thing you were on minutes ago. You listen well, as Jaemin explains. “But for now, I don’t want you to pay mind to why we don’t have it. I want you to… use your senses, to live in the dreamscape, to feel, touch, taste, see, hear, experience all these things. Here, let’s do another one.”

Eagerly you lean close and place your hands out. Jaemin keenly blinks, already knowing that the dreamscape is your favorite activity.

This time you close your eyes eagerly waiting for Jaemin to hold onto your hands. And he does so, his manly rough hands don’t hold you too tight, but his grip is firm enough that this time you literally feel… it may sound odd, but you literally feel your skin merging into his.

Meanwhile Jaemin too shuts his eyes as he inhales deeply deciding to give you another type of dreamscape memory vision of another type of vehicle. It’s like transferring his conscious into yours as you receive the vision, as your hands unconsciously hold his grip tighter… not wanting to let the scene pass you by. Unlike the previous dreamscape vision memory which was a… car in a large field and endless road, in this scene, you shiver lightly and watch as your breath creates a visible air. You notice that you’ve got on such a huge jacket as well as warm pants and… gloves. The odd word forms in your head. There’s something on your head too, protecting you from the temperature drop. A beanie. You rub your hands as your eyes watch in pure innocence at the sight of little whites falling from the sky and landing on the ground. This time the sky is not blue but it’s murky grey and white, the ground is also white and with every step you take, you see your footprints being left behind.

Being interested in something far into the distance, you trudge towards it feeling the ground being a lot heavy as your steps sips into the floor. You get to the weird item on the floor. It’s wooden, shaped in a rectangular manner and has handles. Seemingly already knowing what to do, you get on it holding onto its handle and then… all of a sudden your eyes enlarge as the wooden craft moves along and slides off the white floor… which is a mountain. Holding tightly onto the rope handles, your mouth opens wide in pure delight feeling your cheeks get frozen, yet the beam on your face replaces the cold.

You’re back with a jolt looking around being saddened that it ended all too quickly. “What was that?”

“The dreamscape comes with a name, go ahead,”

You try to think hard, trying to know what you were on. Letting go of Jaemin’s hands you move to the floor and kneel on one knee while lifting your arms up pretending to hold onto the ropes again as you think. Not even a second passes when your curious eyes open up again. “A sleigh. Sledge. Right?”

Jaemin nods his head being content that you’re catching on quick.

“But why would they want to remove that? It was so fun-” You rapidly stand up in pure confusion of why something so fun was removed, but then you recall the whites… “There was something else. The ground and air were different,” You open your palm looking up to the ceiling remembering how it feel down.

“Snow.” Jaemin assists you.

“Snow.” You repeat and bite your lip holding onto your cheek as you recall how cold it was. “I was wearing so many coats and my shoes were large. Did my parents have snow? Did you?”

“No, no.” Jaemin shakes his head leaning back on his chair. “It’s a very distant dreamscape. That weather is known as winter. Here in the community, you’ll soon notice that the air and humidity is boxed in a level cool stratosphere. Each community has it’s open bubble. Not too hot and not too cold.”

“Oh, would that explain all those clouds on the edge?”

Jaemin nods his head. “Yes. The ‘mist’ on the edge is the barrier between the communities. Anyway, back to the dreamscape, we don’t have snow anymore because of climate control,”

“But, why don’t the people know about this?” You shake your head, taking a seat again as you think of all the communities in ‘bubbles’. “What’s so dangerous about the dreamscape, or memory of the sledge?”

“What’s dangerous?” Jaemin pretends to wonder but then shrugs his shoulders. “For a sledge you need snow. Snow is cold. The cold destroys crops. Which meant that farmers couldn’t farm. But to ride the sledge you’d need to be on a mountain. Unpredictable weather tagged with hills and mountains was dangerous altogether, made it difficult to transport food. Transportation used trucks, trucks are large vehicles, bigger then cars. If the truck slipped then fire would erupt destroying not only the crops but the truck and the person in it. The list goes on hunger, starvation, famine. With good, also comes the bad. In the previous world there was no balance, as mother nature also did what it wanted. But with the communities, we’ve created balance.”

“But sure some things can be prevented. In the communities, we don't even make our own food, so to eliminate some things is just unfair,” You reach out your hands. "Show me more."

This time Jaemin takes a look at them before looking back into your amazed eyes. “Let’s go for a walk.”

You draw closer reaching your hands out to him, causing him to smirk. “A real one. With those two transportation parts that you call legs.” He lowly chuckles, getting up from his seat. You follow right next to him, taking notice of his height and long legs. You try to keep up. He begins to go up the stairs and you follow him until you catch onto another color.

“The sleigh was that color.” You point out onto a book that seems to stand out of the other grey books. But upon looking at the wall of books again, you’re surprised when colors like green and blue are on some spines of the books. “Come to think of it, also the car was this color.”

Jaemin’s eyes peer to the book you’re pointing at. “Red. For your information, the car you rode was a convertible with a hood down. Expensive car. We’ll come back later and then I’ll explain what it is that I want from you.”

“Okay.”

The walk with The Dreamer Na Jaemin is very interesting. It’s like your eyes are opened for the first time, as your eyes marvel to the sudden pop and revelation of color… red, blue and green. Not only that, you also see fades of the color on people’s clothes. For one you and Jaemin are wearing black, everyone in the community is supposed to wearing white, however you see lighter shades of red, blue and green on them. “Dreamer,”

“You can call me Jaemin.”

“Oh,” You nod your head. Being stunned for a second that he's actually kind of… humanly generous. “Jaemin. I wanted to ask, how many colors are there?”

“Many. Pink, orange, yellow, purple, red, green, blue and more.” Jaemin nods his head. “You’ll see them all in time. But our community or rather the previous Dreamers chose to do away with all that. Race, religion, colors.”

You have yet to ask what race and religion mean, but you slightly get upset at all the wondrous things being taken away. “But why? Color is beautiful, can you see them all?”

“Yes,” Jaemin sighs. “I try to dye my hair with all the colors, hoping that one day someone might notice something.” But nobody ever does. Here in the communities, aside from the pastel colors of sameness, there was nothing really to admire, which is why Jaemin liked to sit in his headquarters, because he’d fill it up with so many colors, make the room come alive. For example while his headquarters had lively colors bursting out, here in the community Jaemin would watch at how workers would install fake branches on a prototype steam to create an illusion of a tree… only problem was that the tree wasn’t it’s actual color. It was a grey brown, but in the community the people would see grey, and the leaves were a white green, but the community would see white. Everything nature would bloom would be cut out and here in the community everything would be remade plastic. Even the grass has a way of looking real but not being real. Jaemin turns to you, your upset face really gets him remembering how he also felt when his Dreamer… Moon Taeil, would explain why a lot of the things were removed. And not mention Jaemin also helped in removing many things. “They created sameness. Because if we were different, it would lead to people being envious, angry, resentful, consumed with hatred. We need sameness.” Jaemin concludes. “What do you think?”

After his response, you kind of agree to the benefits of sameness because your everyday life was filled with sameness. But now, as your eyes take note of the pastel colors, you wonder if really it would be so wrong. “I agree that we need sameness.” Jaemin hums while stuffing his hands in his leather pocket.

You both stroll on the paved ground, while you notice new things, Jaemin's eyes move around the stillness of the community, of the people walking like mindless clones of each other. He hates leaving his headquarters and walking around, because he always gets upset at the reality that everyone is living.

Being a dreamer, means living with a world that exists only in dreams. There’s nothing that he craves for outside of his dreams, because this reality has nothing for him to live for. So as you chatter about how differences should be put back and it making people individual, he’s mindlessly in his own head eyes fixed on nothing but his own thoughts.

You stop speaking when noticing that he isn’t answering to your questions. “Dreamer?”

Nothing.

Wanting his attention on you, and not knowing how else to get it, you stop right in front of him- but you’re surprised that he literally bumps into you- instantly blinking his eyes and looking down at you. “I apologize- I mean sorry.” You instantly say, seeing that indeed he’s not even focusing on where he walks. “You zoned out.”

He inhales and exhales smiling a bit. “It happens.”

“I want to ask something. The Dreamscape…” You begin as you look up to him. He folds his arms nodding his head. “How… How does it happen? How are you able to… make me see it, and feel and hear and just… be in it?”

“Nicely.” He smiles, and your eyes are fixated on his teeth, his got a pretty smile. This is the first time he’s smiling. He breathes in deeply and peers his eyes around. “Shall we sit?”

“But there’s no bench around,”

Jaemin begins to remove his leather jacket and moves underneath a tree. You follow behind him curiously, wondering why he’s going down on his knees and placing his jacket on the ground. You’re even more surprised when he actually sits down on the floor and pats his leather jacket. “You can sit here,”

“On the floor?” Your eyes enlarge. It’s only your second day, but so far all the things he’s shown you and said, is such a great taboo… So of of course sitting on the floor is natural for him. You timidly but quickly follow and sit on top of his leather jacket as he nods his head. He’s got his back against the tree with his knees arched and his arms around it. You simply tuck your legs underneath your body sitting next to him also facing forward. “Why are we sitting on the floor?”

“Back then, sitting on the ground, or rather on the grass was known as a leisurely activity. Others would have picnics and gather around and spend time with each other while admiring the view and beauty of nature.” You try to picture what he says, but the scene already is so bizarre. People sitting on the floor… for fun? You can feel just how everyone else is feeling, especially when other people walk on the sidewalk and glance towards you and Jaemin like you’re weird. No one else is on the grass, and the gardeners can only glance in confusion before continuing their work of installing fake trees. “This isn’t even a real tree. It’s designed like one, but if you look at it… it can’t compare to the ones back then.”

Your eyes go on the tree… and you see nothing unusual about it. It has a cylinder circumference and has leaves on it. “How else is a tree supposed to look? Because I can assure you the tree in your headquarters is a lot weirder.” You question.

Jaemin smirks and holds out his hand nudging it in your direction. “Take my hand,”

“People are around?”

“So?” He chuckles softly. “Just hold it, I’m your trainer I wouldn’t do anything that’s not of your interest.”

“Really? Because rule number 5 says you’re allowed to lie.” You state. “Does that mean you lie?”

“For personal amusements, yes. To you though,” Jaemin shakes his head, his eyes literally peering into yours, making you feel… self-consciously aware of your feelings, as you feel air bumbling in your stomach. “I won’t lie.”

Without saying anymore, you place your hand in his and as he closes his eyes, your own vision blacks out, blocking out your real world senses and instantly being transported to a vibrant place.

The first thing you feel, even before you open your eyes, is the warmth all around you, almost like a heat so palpable. Your eyes flatter open and you look up to the sky trying to adjust to all the light pouring in place. The sun rests high on the sky… you can’t tell what color it is, but with the way it emits its warmth over you, has you grinning. You navigate your gaze back to the lower level immediately being immersed by so much- you don't know what to describe first. Grass so green sprinkled with little white flowers… or the fact that the vastly large field is so great and wide that it encompasses so many people… or even the fact that there's so much life spread around the field. People in different clothes and body sizes. People; sitting on little blankets either in pairs or groups and even alone, or others sitting directly on the grass reading over books, some even lay on the grass. Taking in the scenery around you, your ears are filled with the sounds of laughter and joyous chatter and even a serene peace.

Your eyes are taken to a red carriage as a woman pushes it. She's got on a beautiful dress. You can't tell its color but you know that she feels so comfortable in it. She brings out a little blanket and spreads it over the grass before placing a basket on it. Next she brings out the baby from the carriage and showers the child with so much affection that your own eyes widen. How can she display that in public? Her smile is so large as the baby wiggles in her arms. She cradles the baby as she sits on top of the blanket. Three young boys walk up to the blanket carrying several of things and they place it down, one boy instantly brings out this weird almost slopping bread and eats it with a wide mouth. Another boy… gets out an oddly shaped object and directs it towards the other boy who's not even paying attention. He does something to the object and out squirts water. You jolt when seeing the spring shower of water come out of it. It causes the other boy to be wet.

He audibly laughs before bringing out his own object and out of it also comes water. The both of them are chasing each other across the field while the boy eating pizza stays close to the woman… probably his mother.

"Come and sit,"

Hearing the voice from behind you, you spin your head around only to notice Jaemin… Your eyes enlarge so much when noticing the shadow first on the ground and then the roots spiritling out the ground and morphing tall and high around a large bark… it stretches meters high and large and with so many branches sprawls out leaves… "A tree…" You marvel at it.

Jaemin smiles, watching you being fascinated by the sight. "Told you it's not the same," He says as you draw close and near to him.. Your eyes are solely focused on the tree… getting close to it, your hand spreads out and lands on the oak. Feeling it's texture underneath your skin, your breath is stolen yet again when another color begins to manifest.

"Br… Brown?" You look down to Jaemin who nods his head. You turn around and the of course the new color brown begins to highlight certain people, objects. You smile and take a seat next to Jaemin… But noticing your own clothes. You jump back seeing all your legs being revealed. Your arms cross over to hide the exposure however you notice the denim shorts you're wearing. With socks around your ankles and a simple shirt tucked in, you look to Jaemin, only seeing him in his usual black clothes… but his body proportions are a bit toned in size, such his muscles. "What am I wearing?"

Jaemin chuckles and pats the spot next to him, over the blanket. "Those would be clothes."

His one answer has you launching out so many more questions to him. Jaemin lets you ask away as you lose your mind in delight about how this exists and why don't we have it anymore, about the people, the clothes, the grass and tree and sun- you even question his smile and biceps!

"What? You don't like seeing me smile?” Jaemin questions jokingly. “And how can you not like my biceps? I worked hard on these,” He flexes his muscles- which you respond by laughing nervously… You don’t know how to react as he continues to pump up the veins over his muscles.

“No!” You get flattered holding your hand out and shaking your head. “No, I mean, you can have your muscles and smile. It’s just…” It’s weird. You think to yourself. A day ago, he was the enemy, and you had prepared yourself to dislike him but now… he’s smiling.

“Starting off, you asked how is all this able to happen,” He sighs before crossing his legs and leaning on the palm of his hand. “This is a dreamscape. A dreamscape is a place where reality has been stripped away, leaving only the illusion of it. An illusion. So all this, is like living inside of a dream.”

“What’s a dream?”

“Normally, when you sleep, you’re supposed to get dreams. Dreams… Dreams are like reality, only except it’s created in your head. Your mind creates visuals, imaginations that go beyond our world. Same with a dreamscape like this, it has all the same qualities of the real world, but just more. These are real things that have happened, to someone who’s had this memory. I’m just transmitting it to you.” Jaemin somberly smiles before his eyes turn a bit distraught. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

Your heart pumps fast as you find yourself asking after a while. “It is. If this was all real once, why did the Dreamers remove it?”

“Sameness is sickening, but the past Dreamers were convinced that we needed sameness, and so here we have it.” He says. “The burden of a dreamer is removing little things from the real world because of the harm they can do. Dreamers live with all these dreamscapes and memories with no one to share them with. The people in here seem real, but they’ve long passed. All this is a memory. It can kind of make you feel lonely.” He vulnerably answers quietly. “I’ve only been a dreamer for 4 years, and I'm guilty of also contributing to removing things from our boxed up world."

"Why?"

"People take advantage of the little." Jaemin recalls Johnny. "So why allow it to remain and slowly turn ugly? Its not like a do it because I want to. I read the signs fast and act on it. It burdens me when I do it, because then I'll be the only one with the memory of it, but I know it's for the greater good of the community.”

“Greater good? I've never understood why there's one Dreamer, but surely keeping all that to yourself isn't healthy, it's… it can be depressing. Now that I’m a Dreamer you can share that loneliness with me.” Jaemin simply nods his head. “So for how long did he you train and how long do you expect me to train so that I can understand why you and the previous dreamers removed things?”

“Well for starters, I don’t intend on rushing anything with you. Like President Johnny said, we can’t afford another failure.” Jaemin sighs and closes his eyes feeling the wind pass him, your eyes watching how his hair flows with the wind. “It takes 2 years to train a dreamer fully, but Dreamer Taeil trained me in under a year before he died.”

“What’s died?” Your eyes enlarge by the new word. “And what do you mean, you can’t afford another failure?”

“He kicked the bucket. He was released to elsewhere. As for the failure dreamer. Before you, in another community there was another selected Dreamer. Let’s just say, the president didn’t really approve of him being a dreamer and wanted me to work longer.” Jaemin speaks in generic terms. “Anyway, our job as dreamers is to hold onto memories and dreams and give guidance to the Neorists, not try and create rebellion or make things harder for everyone. Let’s take a trip down memory lane-” Jaemin stops his speech when seeing you put out your hands, but that has him smiling coyly. “I mean with my words.”

“Oh.” You retreat your hands looking bummed but still eager to hear.

“They lied to you." Jaemin starts off already breaking the ice. “Each community has a large surface area being enclosed by this bubble high up in the sky, it manages the weather, controls the air, and if need to be done can control the people. Your teachers were taught a lie, and thus taught a mass number of students lies. Everyone here has believed in a lie and made that lie a truth.”

“What lie did they believe?”

"That sameness is the answer." He leans forward his shoulders hunching. “We’re trapped in a bubble. Forced to start afresh every damn damn time something goes wrong. Like new born babies. The bubble keeping us in pours ignorance in the air. Making everyone to not only forget, but to remain indifferent.”

“Why?”

“Why we’re trapped or why we’re ignorant?” He smirks, but doesn’t find it funny. “Well to answer both, we’re trapped because the world outside this bubble is infected with a disease so strong it can kill you just by breathing it in. And we’re ignorant inside this bubble so that we don’t cause panic amongst everyone. Tell me, would you say our community is perfect?”

“Yes it is.”

“Why?” He follows up.

At this point, from birth it’s already been engraved into your system. “Our communities have no sicknesses, no fear, no pain, no envy, no hate, no troubles. Everyone has enough, nothing more and nothing less. We can all survive peacefully. And not like the times during the war.” You nod your head.

Jaemin nods his head almost sardonically- sarcastically getting you to stop instantly. “At this point its mere head knowledge, why would I ask. You’re right. This community is perfect. We’ve cured diseases such as cancer, diabetes, corna, and so many more viruses too.” You’re confused at the weird words he’s saying. Were those diseases of the past? “Everyone in the community thinks and acts the same because of the serum injections. All the tasks here in this community are done manually and the people do routine tasks on the clock for the rest of their lives. We’re just lifeless humans. Just moving and advancing the community. I can say we’re trapped, but the community would say otherwise. The people in here don’t know what’s out there. They just know that the world outside is places that have never recovered from the war. They make us repeat over and over that we’re lucky to be here in the communities, and to some extent, I agree. But really, if the people knew what’s out there they would lament just as we Dreamers do, but one brave Dreamer saw that it wasn’t fair for everyone to be sad so he allowed for only one Dreamer at a time to carry all the burdens and joys of this earth. And made everyone believe that there’s nothing out there for us that we're better inside. My only problem is how, I have to live with the pain of carrying all these isolated memories. The community, they have never known pain.” He thinks. The realization makes him feel desperately lonely. “But there’s nothing left to do but continue and not allow them to feel pain.”

“Honestly. I can’t lie.” You shake your head. “The truth is, with the little you’ve shown me, all I want to do is show others.”

"I know it's tempting." Jaemin looks to you. “I’m able to transmit to you these dreamscapes through the palm of my hands. These rectangles in the palm of our hands, is what makes you and I different from everyone else in the community. Without this, they can’t see what we see.”

“But why? How?”

“They’re known as birthmarks. It’s like this, once you look up to the sky, and see something odd it immediately does something to your body. You get this.” He opens the palm of his hand showing his own rectangle birthmark. “Everybody can look up to the sky, and all of them miss out on that one thing that changes everything. It’s the first time you break the bubble with your eyes and see the sky, and see the color blue.”

Again, the memory comes to you, of the first time you noticed the sky changing in hue… in color. In blue.

“What’s believed to happen is that, Dreamers are crying babies.”

“Crying baby?”

Jaemin nods his head. “Fate. From the moment you’re born in this community, you breathe in the toxic air to forget. You’re then brought up in a way that shapes and molds you to the communities needs and wants. But as fate has it, there’s always 1 crying baby. Every 10 years I can say 1 crying baby is born. That crying baby is already fated to be the next Dreamer. It’s just fate. Some of the past Dreamers would usually just keep the memories to themselves for a very long time until their death clock would strike at the age of 70 some even 90. But others, saw it fit to give up being a Dreamer and let someone else carry the burden.”

Your mind wanders off to the Nurturing Center, to that one crying baby. “Dreamer Na but you've only been a dreamer for 4 years.” You pause and look at him. “Why are you giving all this to me?"

Jaemin bites his lip looking away from you. After all that's happened in the accounts of him being a dreamer, he doesn't want to be the one carrying all of this nonsense. Life made no sense. "I'm not strong enough."

"And who decided that?" You question, causing Jaemin to look back at you with a strange look. "Dreamer Na. The communities can benefit from your knowledge too."

"It's not that simple. I don't possess all that courage. I get angry easily and I give in too easily. Those in power have driven me insane. Giving them one innocent dreamscape has them slowly turning it into a burden. It only takes one person to ruin the good in something so beautiful."

"And you think I am?"

He breathes in turning to you. “I’ll be truthful with you, seeing you yesterday, as my replacer, really pissed me off because… you looked like a mindless robot, like someone who'll put up with their crap. It seems like I’m wrong, you're more strong then me. I mean, the fact that you're back after yesterday shows that you have patience.” Jaemin leans his back on the tree. “Being a Dreamer is not just carrying the memories. It’s having wisdom and knowledge of seeing far beyond to protect the interests of the community. And not allow the community to take advantage of you and cause a downfall. I feel like I've sent the community in that path, and I want to rectify it before it's too late. And so far, you’re on the right path but you don’t seem to understand what’s so bad about releasing all this to the public. We’d need to work on that, but otherwise I'm confident that you, once I’m done giving you all the dreamscapes, all the memories that I poses, you’ll be the Official Neorists Elder Dreamer of all the communities and then you can see the corrupt power and change it.”

“And what about you?” You question.

“I want to be released.” He admits. “I can’t keep living in this life, with only dreams and no sense of purpose. I don’t want to be in a box anymore.”

Your ears are sharp in catching the things he’s saying. Yes you thought of him as the enemy, but hearing how he wants to be released it’s… not something you wish- especially if he can also help you to give the communities all these dreamscapes. “You’ve said, so many words that I couldn’t understand… So many words I don’t know, so many things I could hardly process, but in everything you’ve said, you’ve shown me so far a mindset that's trapped.” His head slowly turns to you, looking into your eyes. You look to the side, the people, the area, the sun, the air, life… “Dreamer do they look like they’re trapped? If the world was like this… I want to bring it back. Not be… trapped. I want to wake up and make choices for myself not follow a routine schedule. I want to drive in a car, feel the weather, eat whatever those kids are eating.” You try to think of words to describe this feeling bubbling inside of you… “This dreamscape should be something joyous not burdening, hearing that you want to be released is something my conscious can’t square up. I admit I didn’t like you yesterday, but today I want you to be part of the new world we as dreamers can show to the community. I don’t know anything, but from this little, my whole heart just wants to be free.”

Jaemin is completely awestruck in wonder by everything you’ve just said. You called him weak in 3 different tones.

“So, Dreamer Jaemin, I want to learn, teach me, show me more. Show me the way.” Your iris, Jaemin can see the color of your soul. A burning flame, a little flame that has been lit and will soon turn into a blazing fire- raging against everything in its way. Your unhinged soul that just breaks free and wants more. He can see your heart and eager desire to just break that box. He can see how you look like you’re so ready to get out of this box.

And he has to admit, he's kind of wishing he didn't give up so easily.

-

“Modern Day Terminology Of Slang.” You read out as you sit on the side of your bed. Opening up the cover of your book, you begin to read out in privilege to have all the knowledge of the world. After Jaemin brought you back to reality, he took you back to his headquarter whereby he gave you a book to read. He asked you to be equipped in your language and speech. As you learn new words, you will be able to use them and understand them.

You were ready to learn. You were ready to do whatever it would take, to break free from the ignorance that you were put in.

Your eyebrows knit in confusion when you hear a soft wailing sound. A cry. You tilt your head to the door and see footsteps flicker underneath your door and out of sight. That’s Chenle walking. You get up as well following the sounds of the cry that get louder when you open up your bedroom door.

“Wow, is that a year 1!” Chenle marvels.

“I’m sorry Taeyong, but I tried everything I could.” Getting down the steps you see a nurse holding up a little carriage with a wailing baby inside standing by the door. “But no matter what I do, he keeps crying. Plus you said you’d look after him.”

“Hey there,” Taeyong says softly before running his hand down the baby’s face, and the baby coo’s lightly. “Are all his things inside?”

“Yes.” The nurse hums. “I apologize for the inconvenience.”

“I accept your apology. Thank you.” Taeyong says, as he bids a light smile to his coworker and then shutting the door.

Your eyes glance at the baby. “Is that Jisung?”

“How do you know the child’s name?” Your mother Seulgi looks to you before facing Taeyong. “The poor baby crying on his first year? That’s sad.”

“Unusual too.” Taeyong hums as he brings the hand held cubic carriage to the living room. “Y/n met Jisung the other day at the nursing center. He cried there too.”

“You want to keep this baby?” Seulgi stares into Taeyong’s eyes with worry and concern, and that alarms Taeyong.

“Would you like to issue me a warning? I assure you, that he’s not trouble when he’s quiet. It’s just for a little while. Till the little guy catches up.”

Drawing closer to the baby, as Chenle yaps on about how the baby is cute and how the baby should sleep in his room, your eyes remain on Jisung’s hands. You only see it a little, but it’s enough to tell you that you have the same mark as him. Your eyes widen slightly as you lean in close to him, while your father pats his head.

“If the elders agree, then he can sleep in your room.” Your mother says to Chenle.

“Attention. Please stand by for dinner.” Your eyes drone out the robotic voice announcing dinner time, your full attention on the little baby who’s quiet underneath your father’s touch. You almost don’t need to see his birthmark to know, you can feel it. After everything that Jaemin said today, there is no doubt in your mind, that Jisung too, one day, he’ll be selected to be a Dreamer… until then you have to make sure to keep the dreamscape and it’s memories alive, so that you can transmit it to everyone.

Getting to the dining table, you remove the lid of the tray and begin eating just as everyone does, in silence. A while later, your father begins the conversation by asking everyone about their feelings for the day, asking to go last so that he can share some good news.

“So how was it?” Your mother curiously asks peeking at you after sharing her own feelings. “What feelings can you share with us tonight?”

You finish chewing your vegetables and nod your head. “It was good. I felt happy.”

“That’s a relief.” She smiles, causing you to smile as well. Yesterday night was a rough night for everyone. Tension so high. However tonight, it’s peaceful. With baby Jisung sleeping in his carriage, Chenle eating loudly, your mother Seulgi being back despite not being here in the morning, and your father Taeyong with a good news announcement to make.

“What did you do?” Taeyong asks.

Your eyes instantly recall Jaemin’s smile. He’s got such a striking smile. It’s a shame he doesn’t smile often. It’s a shame he wants to be released. “We just talked.”

“What else?” This time Chenle asks, also in wonder of what his big sister does.

Your eyes snap out of Jaemin’s sad smile as you meekly glance at Chenle with a timid smile. “That’s it.”

“You seem different today.” Seulgi notes.

“How so?” You ask and look at her.

“You’re smiling, and you’re not complaining about your trainer.”

You smile and look to your food again. “Well things changed. He’s not so bad of a guy. Not like the way I painted him out to be.”

“I’m happy to hear that.” Your mother Seulgi is peaceful by your statement. After last night and her taking the punishment for you, she wasn’t prepared to go back to that… place of isolation. “That leaves you my husband,” Seulgi smiles softly in the direction of Taeyong. “What is the big news you want to share with us, and how are you feeling?”

“Well,” Taeyong wipes off his hands once he’s done eating and placing his tray in the center. A wide grin grows on his face. “I have been promoted to being the Director of The Givers in the nursing center.”

“Amazing.”

“Wow.”

Everyone on the table cheers on in joy for your father. “Thank you, family. I’ll now be in control of the father givers and birth mothers. My tasks include tracking, reporting and documenting the procedures of the mating process. Submitting report backs to other communities and receiving information for the delivery room.”

“Well done my husband, you are now of high esteem in society.” Your mother proudly acknowledges your father.

“I can’t wait to grow up.” Chenle cheers on. “I want an awesome job like you all.”

After dinner, you get in your room and read on a few more chapter not even noticing that the time has gone past your sleep time. You enjoy reading so much, finding the book so interesting, filled with words you don’t know but yet provide a definition to those words. It’s almost like a dictionary, but this time with words not on the normal dictionary. Hours pass, and you’re surprised when a yawn leaves your mouth. Immediately you glance at the clock seeing it’s way past your bed time. It’s 11 p.m. You shut your book after reading one last passage, before you ‘dive’ on the bed… a slang term you just learnt. Before you can inject yourself to sleep, you find yourself slowly drifting off… by yourself.

And… it feels strange. It’s like you’re spiraling round and round in a trance, just like the one Jaemin does when he’s about to show you a dreamscape. You get surprised, when you find yourself opening up your eyes to a scenery so familiar… the green field. However this time, you’re all alone on it surrounded by large oak trees and flowers of different shapes and sizes and even colors- you especially like the red flowers… roses.

Your body is suddenly awakened when you hear a knock on your door. It’s already morning. Did you just… have a dream?

You’re greeted by your father who gifts you a box. “On the third day of your new work, all 20’s receive this. It’s known as an alarm clock. If you set it up it’ll ring in the morning, and it’ll wake you up. Instead of me always waking you up.”

You smile bringing out your new gift. You try to examine it’s color… but all you get is white and grey. The color is not yet unlocked. You get ready and dress up in white socks and the long sleeved black dress that ends above your knees.

“Jeno!” You greet happily upon leaving your house. “It’s been forever since I last saw you,”

“Precision of language.” Jeno snickers. “Forever hasn’t even yet happened. I think you mean, it’s been 1 day without me.”

“Oh,” The slangs you learnt last night, are rubbing off on you. Feeling embarrassed a little, you shake it off. “Yes.”

“Hey look, we’re almost matching.” Jeno notes to his own polo neck and your dress polo neck. Getting on your bike, you and Jeno both ride alongside each other. He tells you about his first and second day. Of course all the nurses love him and he is carrying out his duties well. “What about you? How has being a dreamer been so far?”

You’re reminded that you can’t share anything about your training, but that doesn’t stop you from telling Jeno little things. “At first I considered my Dreamer trainer to be a bit of a handful,”

Jeno peeks at you, bringing out his hand. “Did you just say h-handful? Precision of language.”

You giggle. “Trust me Jeno, there’s going to be so much precision of language with me.”

“Glad you’re enjoying yourself. So what does it mean?”

“It means he was obnoxious.” You deeply inhale and exhale. “But yesterday, we got on well. I can’t wait to see what we’ll do today.”

“That’s good.” Jeno smiles. “Did you hear about the new serum injection that we’ll start taking?”

“No.” You shake your head. “I’m not allowed to take serum injections anymore, only my sleep injection.”

“Oh.” Jeno looks to you with wide eyes. “Well this serum injection is said to be made by the president himself.”

“Oh. Interesting.” you think to what Jaemin said about those in power. And so when arriving, you’re met with Jaemin eating his breakfast. You make your way in brightly greeting him as you sit on the long couch and read your book. Jaemin puts his tray away before going to dress up. Jaemin must admit, he thought you’d be annoying, but your presence in his house does him some good. He puts on his usual clothes before heading back upstairs. Upon arriving, you ready yourself to learn and receive something new.

“Today, I’m going to touch you a bit differently.” Jaemin says rubbing hands together before stretching them. “You showed a passion for learning yesterday, and I thought about your lessons very thoroughly. I made a timeline of what I’d like to teach you, what you should know and everything else in between. This training will involve a lot of studying from your end. I’ll be giving you a book every week, so try your best to read fast. If the books are bit bigger you’ll get two or three weeks to read. Our lessons will be divided in two. First half will be transferring of memories, and second half will be discussion and theory.” Jaemin gives you a brief of everything you will be doing for the next coming of days, weeks and months.

“I can’t wait,” You eagerly smile nodding your head.

“Alright, so let’s start with today’s lesson.” He claps his hands getting up from his seat. “For this to work, I’ll need your whole body to be attentive to me. Do you think you can do that?”

“How?” You ask.

“Lay your back on the couch, and your head on the armrest. Pretend like you’re lying on your bed.” You nod your head and follow his words. Removing your shoes remaining in your socks, you lean back and lay on the couch. Your head over the armrest and body firmly straight over the couch. You place your arms over your stomach and watch him draw near to your head. Watching his face upside down, he tells you to relax before placing his palms over the sides of your head, giving you a dreamscape.

That’s how the days’ progress.

With you coming in every single day and resting on the couch as he touches you to make you enter the dreamscape. When it’s over, you go back home and read the book he gives. Before repeating the cycle. It’s never a dull moment with Jaemin. With his type of power, every day truly feels brand new. You enjoy so much that at times you prefer to stay longer with him, just to have him touch your hands or even head as he gives you astonishing dreamscapes and memories.

Your mind enjoys spiraling into the dreamscapes, into a whole new world, whereby you’d see things for the first time and tell him what they are. At some point, Jaemin joins in the dreamscapes with you in order to give you a better understanding, and honestly, you slowly but surely like it when he joins in with you. He’s not such a bad person after all. He’s very considerate. The first time you met him, he wasn’t so compliant with you, but now it’s almost like he’s a different person. He allows you to talk to him, ask him questions and to just be… free around him.

“And you're telling me you're not strong enough?”

"I'm not."

You shake your head. "Give yourself some credit, you're a lot better at living life then me. You know what is means to be free." He simply smiles… A smile that you like seeing on his face.

Together with Jaemin, you enter dreamscapes and he dares you to perform the stunts of bungee jumping, swimming in cold waters- he teaches you how to eat different types of food and… live freely in the dreamscape. You see sights and sounds that you have no words to describe. Different countries, continents, cities- places outside of the community.

You look at him. “You should really take your own advice, have faith, believe, live. How better would it be if everyone in the community really were just in authentic commune with one another? Had their own individual thoughts,”

Jaemin tilts his head looking at you. “You really want the community to live like that?”

“Don’t you?” You question.

“Knowing what I know, it’d be hard for the community to ever reach the height of all these feelings.”

Paired together with Jaemin’s teachings, you always want to be captivated by him and everything he knows. Traversing the dreamscape together only made you feel so alive. Various of people, with interesting looks and features, cultures and heritage. People living in various parts of the world, separated by waters so deep and large all around.

With every dreamscape you awaken as if you’re thirsty for more. “What was that? They were two of those children who looked the same,” Your eyes glisten and sparkle as you ask curiously.

“Twins.” Jaemin sits on the headrest, his hands on your head. “Born identical, but each have their own soul. Just like you and me.” He smiles whenever you’re fascinated. You especially like it, when you ask a question that’s so good that he taps your nose. “Good question. Here in the community, they find twins a bit… eerie. So they’ll release it, they release the one that’s not heavy.”

Every day, there’s a new dreamscape, a new wonder to marvel at. You get excited, when he begins working with your ears to hear what the previous world sounded like. Music. “Listen.” He’d say after allowing you to enter a dreamscape whereby all you could hear was sound- singing, melody, lovely words and voices that would bring you to tears. You got lost, the good kind of lost when hearing all these performances.

Concerts, operas, performances, theatricals- sounds so powerful that they captured your heart. Symphonies and lullaby’s, the old and young singing together- even dancing.

Dancing, attending places with you… Holding you close to him. Your heart has never felt this much content before. Was all this really forbidden? You don’t know what to think, what to believe. All this was once reality… how could it all just stay in a dream? “Don’t accept what is the truth, just because it’s coming from someone you respect, you need to think with your own head, your own heart, your own spirit and soul. Set it ablaze and don’t let that fire in you die.”

Other times he’ll sit on the couch and hold your hands, allowing you to feel and touch things you’ve never even known. Weirdly shaped creatures panting and walking on all fours- dogs and cats and some ‘pets’ that he says aren’t even pets such as squirrels, rabbits, and snakes. He gives you the feeling of touching and holding things. Your hands can’t get enough. It’s on days that he holds your hands, and you hold onto his a little bit more tighter wanting to feel every inch… Something in you shifts the moment you stop taking your sleep injections… You begin to dream… Dreaming is the best part of the night, especially when he’s also in your dreams.

Getting to work, at times you’d look at him a little bit longer, a little bit softer when he spoke. In response he’d playfully smile or tap your cheek telling you to focus. “I saw you in my dream again,”

He smiles. “Oh yeah, what was I doing there?”

“I don’t know.” You tilt your head smiling softly.

“You know, sometimes the dreams can reveal to you, your own memories.” After getting lost in your eyes for a bit, he’d slowly bring it back to the lesson. “Memories are not just about the past, they determine our future. You can change things, you can make things better. Like last time we spoke about lady period pains, but now with pills, no lady experiences that.”

“Yeah, but at the cost of losing something else.” You say focusing back on the lesson.

It’s life to the fullest. Not what the community has. It’s life, but it’s complete. Jaemin even shows you things… that make you blush. Couples kissing, making out… Even in your own dreams you get pushed into seeing more. You never hide anything from Jaemin and tell him your dreams… minus the fact that other times he’s the one to kiss you.

“I just don’t understand, what’s so dangerous about a couple of people who admire each other?” You ask.

He nods his head. “The word you’re looking for is love. Let me give you an exercise, ask your parents if they love you, and you’ll hear their response. Hopefully you’ll see why it’s considered forbidden.”

At the table with your parents you’d pop up the things that Jaemin would ask you to do. And of course your heart damages when releasing how badly the community has been brainwashed. “Precision of language dear. You mean, do we enjoy you. Love is meaningless. A word that is meaningless.” It’s what your mother said.

“Why would they remove that?” You enter into the Dream headquarters with your question being a greeting. “Why would they remove love?” You question going down the steps rapidly while telling him what your mother said. “That actually hurt… But after what you showed me, about love being… this… this…” You huff. “Jaemin, wouldn't you be so…so… So happy if someone just told you that they loved you?"

He chuckles a little. "I'd be at a loss of words too."

"So tell me, why did they remove love?” Jaemin’s eating his breakfast, but still addresses.

His response. “Because love is complicated and brings out either the best or worst in people. Love can bring upliftment of emotions, as well as heavy jealousy. Some acts of love bring out the best in people to be the best version of themselves, while other types of love is toxic and only keeps people stagnated and feeling lonely feelings. But, don’t think about that now, let’s just live in the dreamscape. You’ll see everything has it’s ups as well as downs and ways to be solved.” His eyes too, you could feel that he could sense something forming between the both of you. But with the months already spent together you try not to get distracted by your feelings. Your parents are more than happy when seeing you smile. From time to time you meet Jeno… and for a little bit, you’re able to distinguish his feelings and thoughts without him having to say anything.

He likes you. But you can’t reciprocate that because… you think you’ve fallen for someone else. Someone who’s held your hands and made you experience things you’ve never experienced before.

“I touched it�� picked it up.” You try to explain what you held. “It was shining every time the sun shined on it. Hard and see through, it’s a…”

“A seashell,” Jaemin helps you out and you agree with the word remaining in your brain forever.

On some days, Jaemin will sit on the edge closer to your feet where he’ll hold your legs- tickling you and even massaging you, but in the manner of showing you a dreamscape concerning legs. Each dreamscape being different and so surreal. People mixing together, walking such long distances, sliding down zip lines, jumping off places with protection, dining in the sky, running and doing all sorts of activities, the list goes on. It never ends. The dreamscape is so infinitely vast that you can’t believe it sometimes.

“Dreamer Na,”

“Why don’t you just call me Jaemin?”

“I call you Dreamer, when I want to persuade you.” You giggle as he furrows his brows. “I’m feeling giddy. I want to see people my age, do things, please show me something,”

Once, Jaemin had showed you what it's like to attend a college party, in allowing you to learn about how reckless the youth were known to have been back in the past. Of course the start of the party was peaceful, with only a few people, you and Jaemin drinking cold drink and dancing together, before it turned a little wild when more people kept pouring in. Cold drink was turned to alcohol, Christmas music was turned to grinding music, dance floors were made, some kissing in the corner, others disappearing in rooms to do 'the deeds' as Jaemin would say.

In the dreamscape he remembers how he had to take you to the bathroom to freshen up - he wanted you to have the college experience, and to say that you did was an understatement, you were literally still a youth so Jaemin understood. But after helping you drink some water, he walked you back out only for you to stop by the top of the staircase…

Maybe that's where his feelings for your evolved. You turned around, your eyes still sparkling from being tipsy. His one hand held your waist supporting you, while his other hand slowly cupped your neck.

"What's wrong? Do you feel like puking?" Concern all over his face trying to make sure you were okay. Because he'd hate to bring you to reality and you couldn't even stand without feeling dizzy and wanting to puke.

Nonetheless, you didn't even mind that. Your mind, body and soul were preoccupied. Your body felt hot. Your mind wanted something… your soul tried to reach his through your eyes. You looked down at his lips before back up into his deep brown eyes, you could only shake your head as you leaned closer, your own hands getting used to the feel of his waist. Your eyes glanced once at the ceiling, hoping he'd get the memo. And he did.

A mistletoe.

A light chuckle came upon his face as he saw the green and red decoration hanging over the ceiling. "What does that mean again?" you had asked feeling your face getting on fire just from seeing his profile. He looked back down at you, leaning close to your ear: "Let's get you back before we accidentally overdose on this memory,"

And then just like that, the dreamscape finished. And like a side effect, in real life you were still tipsy. Jaemin laughed at you but still took you to your dwelling. He advised your parents to just give you water and let you sleep.

“How about today, I show you mother nature,”

“Who’s that?”

He grins. “Give me your hands, she’s really beautiful.” He jokes but shows you signs of wonder, such as; water that glows like fire known as lava, you even see creatures that once existed such as dinosaurs, birds with big wings! Fields of ice, water so cold that it freezes, animals such as polar bears, fish and many more all twirl in the sea. Night skies that are filled with so many dancing colors. Colors! Colors that fill up your every vision in amazement. He takes you up mountains that take days to climb but feel so satisfying when you’re done and at the climb and look out to the view being in awe of the world.

The outside world is huge, and every day is not the same, as Jaemin has you hooked and riling you into a world of pure imagination that was once reality.

After every dreamscape, you sit and talk with him. Mostly you talking in joy and heaps of excitement and him, listening and adding in. “It was water and sand tingling at the soles of my feet,” You smile as you describe to him, exploring new words.

“The beach was always known for that,” He says nodding his head. “Let me show you, a waterfall,”

On regular days, he’s simply giving you the adventurous dreams and asking for a description of what you see. On most days, he’s teaching you of history. “It was believed that they came before us,”

“Monkey’s came before us?”

“You know, when these living things, these animals were around, they were a lot like us. Only difference is that they had fur and spoke in animal way, and they also knew they’re parents.”

Parents. It’s when you also learnt the twisted truth of what father givers and birth mothers actually were. They weren’t people in love, they weren’t even a couple. They’d put medication and sleep with each other, to produce children. You were devastated, you still are surprised. To think that the people you’re living with aren’t even your real parents, but parents that the community has given you in order to not feel like you didn’t have parents- and also for the parents to not lament that they don’t have kids. In order for the community not to be siblings, birthmothers and father givers were changed frequently, so that the crime of ‘incest’ a new word you learnt would not begin. That was only a small little portion of the pain that Jaemin would show you. Once in a while… when he did show pain, you weren’t able to handle it…

“I cannot prepare you for what you’ll see. But I promise you, it isn’t real.” He’d say before holding your hands tighter.

Thieves. Liars. Crimes committed. They started out as little white lies, before it turned bitter- accusing someone falsely and the person going to ‘jail’ for a really long time. Other people who did not have enough, would steal from those that had. Stealing things that were valuable and destroying trust. Jaemin only showed you those little things… but in you… you felt so bad. If the people of the past had enough, or if they only told the truth…

Other times, Jaemin would show you… poachers. Attacking down animals and stealing their skins, horns and meat… “Jaemin I can’t…” You said with tears in your eyes… “The poor animals…”

Jaemin immediately after his few attempts to show you the pain, stating that you weren’t ready. And he slowly eased back into showing you good memories. Although you preffered the good memories better you often wondered how many more of those depressing burdened memories did Jaemin have…

“I saw something, at the foot of the mountain just now.” You sit up and try to explain to Jaemin what you saw… “It was like a place… a dwelling,”

“Home.” Jaemin nods his head taking a seat back on his couch. “It’s different from a dwelling. A dwelling is not a home. A home is more. Its family soaked nuzzled up together and soaking up each other’s awesomeness.” He smiles warmly. “But all jokes aside, a home is a very safe space to be, it’s where you can rest and get away from all your stresses and worries. Most importantly it has a bed. A warm one. In my case, it’s that couch you’re sitting on. I don’t know how to describe it, a home…”

He shows you soft visions of things to calm you down. Camping at night with bonfires, while someone played guitar in the backgrounds. “If the fire wood ran out, would we need to use the guitar?” Other questions, you asked for comic relief, and thank goodness Jaemin would laugh.

He told you that in the next year, he’d begin to show you the pain. Until then, you’d ‘fall in love’ with what he showed you now. He smiles a lot during lessons, especially with stories he’s really interested in. You can’t get enough of him, enough of everything he has shown you. Although you remind yourself of the importance of inheriting the dreamscapes in order to be the next Dreamer…another part of you just wants to be forever with Jaemin.

“Do you still want to be released?” You ask to Jaemin when he walks with you back to your dwelling. “After showing me everything?”

Jaemin sighs out. “Yes.”

“Please don’t.” You shake your head. “Just… stay with me a little longer. Jaemin I can’t do a lot on my own. I still need you to show me a lot.”

He smiles gently looking down at you, he pats your head. “It’s why I’m still here,”

The unlocked colors begin to make an entry into your eyes and after some time, you can actually describe and see Jaemin in color. Plus you notice that the community around is in pastel colors, every house hold has their own color. Your family is a light shade of yellow and white, Jeno’s family is peach and white. Colors all light and almost white, monochrome colors is what Jaemin calls it. From time to time when coming back to the reality after leaving the dreamscape, you get disappointed with how much the Dreamers took away.

The one thing you really enjoyed doing after work, was looking at the sky. Laying on the artificial grass looking up to the sky seeing the clouds swirl around the sun in a pattern, in a design, in color. Your vision is soon cut short when a head pops into your view. You blink several times seeing Jeno. “Hey Jeno,”

“Hey? Don't you mean good afternoon? Have you fallen down?” He questions with amusement. “Do you need immediate assistance?”

You chuckle lightly getting up on your own. “I was just looking at the sky,”

Jeno nods his head and looks up too before his gaze gets back to you again. “Yes, because it’s totally normal to be laying on the grass and looking up to the sky.” Jeno says out sarcastically making himself laugh. “Months ago, I’d say you’ve gone crazy, but now I guess it’s really happening. You’re becoming the dreamer” He breathes out. “You’re seeing things. What’s it like?” He asks. “I know you’re not allowed to share your teachings, but come on, even a little ‘sneak peek’?” Jeno uses the word you once taught him.

“Jeno you should be heading to your dwelling.” You laugh a little.

“I saw you and just wanted to…” He scratches the back of his neck. “See you.”

“Okay,” You nod your head after looking at him for a while with a smile.

“So, are you gonna tell me another sneak peak?”

You breathe in tilting you head. “Give me your hands. I want to try something.”

“My hands?” Jeno questions, but still lifts up his hands nervously placing them over yours. You hold them tightly and closing your eyes as you focus on the sky. “Look up, and tell me what you see?”

“Uhm. Okay.” Jeno looks up and squints his eyes. “Nothing really,”

“Come on,” You urge him with a playful smile. “Concentrate.”

Meanwhile as you try to urge Jeno to see something, in the surveillance room, the workers are shocked at your contact. They write out an issue of warning, before dating it and sending a call to their supervisor. Haechan who’s getting off his drone piloting around the community walks past the surveillance footage room and furrows his eyes when seeing his supervisor watching a camera footage of… you and Jeno. He lingers around for a bit, wondering what would happen in this situation.

So far, with the months of training that he has had, he’s learnt that being a pilot and watching over the community is hard work and pressuring. As his eyes were literally the helping eyes of the President. Him along with everyone working in the surveillance room who would fly little drones around the communities and 'hide' information about the President's law breaking. Haechan clocks out and begins riding his bicycle to the place where the footage captured you and Jeno. And strangely, you and Jeno are seated on the ground. He draws closer to you guys in hopes that the surveillance guys don't call in the president. “Hey,”

You and Jeno peer up and instantly your smiles light up your eyes. “Hey!” You then turn to Jeno. “How come you want me to say ‘good afternoon’, but you let Haechan pass with a ‘hey’?” You jokingly ask, causing Jeno to snicker.

“That is because you’re the dreamer.” Jeno responds.

“It’s been so long since I’ve actually seen you, Y/n” Haechan announces his presence again, getting your eyes to look at him. He smiles when getting closer to you and Jeno. “You look healthy.” Is his way of saying he missed you. “Why haven’t you guys gone to your dwellings? And why are you sitting on the grass?” He asks.

You and Jeno both look to each other before you speak out with a smile. “I convinced Jeno to stay a while before we go back to our dwelling.”

“Yeah, and I’m filling her in on how my work life is going, since she’s not allowed to tell me about hers.” Jeno fills on. Following onto Jaemin’s rules, a lot of the times you simply went ‘home’ from your trainings and you never conversed much with Jeno or Haechan. As they were both scarce sometimes. But really once in a while, you tried to make an effort. “Come join us, and then you can tell Y/n how your training has been.” you par the ground next to you.

“How about I show you," He looks to the ground weirdly before nudging his head.

Following Haechan, you and Jeno are brought to the surveillance tower headquarters. It’s shaped like a dome. “Wow, Haechan.” You look around the high view of almost the entire community, seeing the symmetric and robotic patterns of shape and platforms all being the same. It’s either houses are in squares or rectangles, grass outside is also in either squares or rectangle spaces. It can’t even compare to the things Jaemin has showed you. “This is quite a view, you’ve got here.” You say. One day, you’re hoping that they’ll get to see what you’ve seen.

“You should see me when I’m high up in the sky in my drone,” Haechan shows off in your direction. Having not seen you for a long time, he actually missed your feminine presence between him and Jeno. Your voice and the way you showed interest always made him feel one way. “When I’m flying, looking down on everything, it’s like I’m seeing things for the first time.”

You look to him and nod your head. “I can relate,”

“Really?” He chortles. “Thought you said that you and the Dreamer only sit and talk.”

“We do.” You simply nod your head, not giving him any more information.

“Well in anyway, I’m allowed to fly past the mist, and sometimes even into other communities.” Haechan shows off in a playful tone. “I even get to go to elsewhere and past the edge.”

“The edge,” That peeks your interest. “Really? What’s it like?”

“For one, it’s really dry lands and like… a downslope.” Haechan explains but Jeno scoffs.

“A down slope? Lying isn’t good Haechan.”

“I don’t know how to explain it, but I’m telling the truth. It’s like the earth tilts downwards going down a rocky path.”

While Haechan explains it more, Jeno continues to doubt, but you nod your head knowing he’s talking about a mountain. Jaemin mentioned that the communities are up over hills, built on level headed ground that makes everything flat. “So many secrets,” You whisper.

“Secrets?” Haechan leans back over the view and looks at you. “You’re the one with secrets,”

“I really don’t have any,” You tell. It’s not a lie, but it’s also not true. The only secrets are your trainings.

“I guess that means I really am the only one with interesting training,” Haechan jokes. He continues to explain all that he has seen and you want to so desperately let your friends know of the world beyond.

“You said you work closely with the president?” You question.

Haechan nods his head, trying to not let out anything. Aside from you, his rules also allowed him to lie. “He calls on specific units. My unit is in charge patrolling. So I get morning and night duty. On days that I’m on night duty he’ll ask that I make sure that… everyone is inside their dwellings as I help him… distribute things in all communities.” Haechan subtly lies and nods his head as you hum. “So, in three years’ time they’ll chose our partners Jeno. Who do you think you’ll get paired up with?” he tries to change the topic.

The question has you immediately thinking of Jaemin. Next year he’d be a 25 which meant he was permitted to have a wife. You slouch a little, not wanting him to have someone else. After getting to know him for so long, you think you’ve fallen for him. However, in the mist of you thinking about him, you can’t see the eyes that fall on you. Not only from Jeno, but from Haechan too.

Being a 20 with them, meant that you’d also be partnered up in their age group. The only problem, is that this partnering up was not made out of a love connection, but more of a strengths connection. Every partner has to be compatible with each other, and it’s up to the Neorists to decide, not you. It’s how they make ‘parenting’ work out. Being so deep in thought, you quickly snap out and glance at your two friends only to be surprised at the stare down they’re having with each other.

“I hope I get you.” Haechan says to you. “I think we’re very compatible.”

“It’s clear that the Neorists will pick me. We’ve spent a great amount of time together.” Jeno says with a smile. Looking between them, you can’t tell if… a weird feeling of jealousy is being underlined. But to stop it, your eyes land on the piles of trays in the middle.

“Alright boys, we’ll reach that topic when we get to that age. Come on,” You get off the ledge and walk over to the tray. “Take one tray, and I’ll show you something of my training.” In order to distract them from having a heavy stare down.

Jeno takes the tray and so does Haechan, however when you direct them to the staircase. “This isn’t part of my training, but it’s something really cool,” Watching you take the tray, Haechan is reminded yet again of how he saw his supervisors giving you a warning. So watching you walking with the tray on your hands and Jeno following, Haechan only folds his arms watching. “Come on Haechan,”

“These trays are the ones being distributed to your dwellings when it’s dinner time. You can’t play around with them,” Haechan says.

You scoff. “So you’re not interested in my training?”

“No it’s cool. I’ll stick to watching.” And it’s a good thing he does, because you move towards the long flight of staircase that’s located on the side of the dome. On the wide stairs, there’s a moving staircase, and on the center there’s a non-moving staircase. You tell Jeno to follow your move as you sit on the tray gaining a few stares from those climbing the steps. Jeno follows you, slightly laughing finding everything amusing. “Guys you shouldn’t be doing that.”

“Oh come on Haehcan, since when did you become boring?” Jeno playfully questions…

Haechan scoffs. “I happen to like my job and I’m not about to do some stunt to get me punished. So, I’ll see you guys later.”

He walks off, but to you and Jeno you notice that something different is happening to him. “He’s acting weird,” Jeno starts before shrugging his shoulders. “But whatever it is, let’s just continue. So what are we doing now?”

“Alright,” Your smile gets back on your face… even though you sensed something odd. You’d have to tell Jaemin. “On my count, you’re going to lean forward while holding onto the tray. Don’t let go under any circumstances.”

“Uhm, okay.” Jeno is unsure about that but trusts your every move. “Aren’t we going to get hurt though?”

“Nope.” You shake your head positioning yourself to sit nicely on the tray. “1, 2, 3- GO!”

Sucking in a heavy breath- Jeno’s eyes rapidly enlarge as his body leans forwards instantly allowing the tray to throttle down the steps in a quick manner that has him speeding! You giggle and laugh when recreating the feeling of being on the roller-coaster, even a sledge. Jaemin mentioned that roller-coasters were gravity defined for people who loved high speed and wind and wanted a little thriller in their lives. So as Jeno rides the tray he feels so much… sensation overflowing through his body. It feels exactly like the wind bashing on his face. The ride is filled with energetic squeals from you and thrilled laughter from Jeno, it doesn’t even matter to both of you that you’re getting odd looks from the people wither going up or down the steps. The fun soon ends when you see the ground coming-you brace yourself by placing your feet on the edge to land- but just as you stop, Jeno behind you is not to lucky and bumps into you at a rough crashing speed causing you both to fall and laugh out.

You laugh so hard as Jeno is still in so many emotions from surprised to astonishment- you help him up by offering your hand. He looks at it chuckling from the ride, before taking it and you assist him up. “So this is the pain that they were talking about?”

“Not even close.” You shake your head looking into his eyes. You feel to let go of Jeno’s hands… however he gets reluctant in not letting you go just yet.

“That was fun.” He says. “Show me more,”

Not a moment later, Johnny’s holographic figure finally notices Jaemin who enters the Surveillance room.

“Good afternoon, Dreamer Na.” Johnny greets. “We had an issue to go over with you, however you’ve arrived implacably at the right time. Would you care to tell me what’s this?” Jaemin not bothering to greet anyone looks at the footage that they’re showing him and he sees your face together with another guy. You haven’t gone to your dwelling yet. Aside from that, Jaemin notices how you’re both holding hands and laughing. “You say I've been careless but here, a moment ago, she was seen demonstrating odd behavior, by holding onto a person, and sharing her training.”

“Finally. I was beginning to wonder why she hadn’t shown anyone. Don’t worry Johnny. That always happens. But it’s an impossible experience to share training.” Jaemin has a poker dry face as he peeks back to the holographic figure. He shrugs his shoulders. “The kid got curious, let her live. I don’t tell you what to do in your position, so don’t tell me. Can I go now? If this is what you called me for, I think I’m done here.”

“Need I remind you of the previous Dreamer you selected in Community 4? Have you forgotten what happened to him?” Johnny states, while some statics come up of the previous Dreamer and his life before he was released. That has Jaemin frozen in place, his nonchalant face disappearing before a serious face engraves his features. “Should I read them for you? He was supposed to be the next Dreamer, but you got him released and hurt. You not only put a setback on Community 4, but you also became a Dreamer that’s unreliable. Take for instance the last disastrous guidance you gave to overthrow having gadgets. If how you’re training this Dreamer turns out to be the same way you trained the previous one, careless and fast, we might have another failure in our hands. Am I understood, Dreamer Na?”

“That boy, that Dreamer, had a name. So use it.” Jaemin clinches his jaw, because he knows it was his fault, it was the president Johnny.

“Of course, you want to hear his name. The failure of community 4. Mark Lee.” At the mention of the young boy’s name, Jaemin gets serious and his motions stop. How could he ever forget what happened to Mark. His friend.

“Make the announcement.” Johnny squints his eyes at the screen, while you still hold onto both of Jeno’s hands talking about him being able to feel something. Jaemin watches you and listens to how you try to convince Jeno that what you did was normal. He shakes his head and turns around. What was he thinking? Allowing you to take the dreamscape and bring it to this worthless communities was such a waste. He should just die with all the dreamscape memories.

“Attention, please stand by for an announcement.” Jaemin listens to the robotic voice speak. “Members of the community are reminded to not touch anyone outside of their dwelling units. If you’ve touched someone outside of your unit please take your serum injection immediately.”

Immediately you let go of the guy which Jaemin sees to be Jeno. Jaemin stops in his stride for a bit. Before turning back to the holographical figure of President Johnny. “You know what, overthrowing gadgetry wasn’t a disastrous choice, they were one too many disadvantages for having tech gadgets. For one, it stopped crackhead like yourself from peeping in and preying on every fucking conversation that everyone had. But I guess you didn’t even follow my guidance because you let the whole community abandon gadgets and kept all gadgetry for yourself and this fucking sick room, to have full control over everything and everyone. Just to let you know, perverts would insert cameras in public bathrooms to watch people piss. Those perverts did it for their own disgusting amusement, they’d install earpieces in private areas to hear private conversations. What you’re doing now, is no different than the dickheads of the past. I just wonder why you insisted on keeping these fucking cameras and earpieces everywhere. Who’re you trying to spy on? It surely isn't for the good of the community, it's for your own sick desire.”

Jaemin spitting knowledge to the community President has some of the workers who are eavesdropping curious and instantly feeling a feeling of guilt. What is a pervert? They didn’t know the word piss- but in the context used they had a disturbing understanding. In their defense they weren’t ‘peeping’ they were monitoring… because President Johnny had told them to. Meanwhile Jaemin clinches his jaw. “One day, this will all burn in your face.”

However Johnny speaks up. "No. It will burn in your face. Don't force my hand to do what I don't want."

-

After a few more weeks of sharing your dreams with Jaemin and him giving you Dreamscapes, one afternoon, an hour before time goes up, you sigh while taking a seat on the edge of the steps looking at the tree in the lively lit room. “Jaemin,”

“Yes?” He walks back towards you on the staircase with two mugs of coffee. Another thing, aside from the Dreamscape, was Jaemin’s pantry of verities of different foods with all sorts of taste. It’s a miracle that he can cook by himself. He’d show you too. Little dishes. It’s a shame they took cooking away. According to Jaemin, they took it away for one of two reasons. People either couldn’t cook, and others who could would mistakenly burn the kitchen. They took several foods away because of the level of difficulties when cooking them. The cooks in the community are the machines underground. They prepare a pantry of greens. No meat, just vegetables. Taking the mug in your hand, you face him. “I feel so stupid.” You whisper out.

He chuckles as he takes a seat on the step next to you. “Why do you say that?”

“Because, it’s almost been a year, and there’s still so much I don’t know.” You peer into his eyes. He’s got the world’s prettiest eyes with long lashes. “Plus when are you going to take me on those board meetings that you get invited too across other communities?”

He smiles. He places his mug on the step above hin and leans against the wall, his body facing yours. “You want to see how I give community Neorists directions?”

“Yes, I want to see you in action,” You smile. “By the way, this new serum that everyone is taking seems a bit weird.”

“New serum. I’ve been hearing about it.” Jaemin notes. “I’m not the one making it. President Suh has put people to it. Why do you say it’s weird?”

“Well to start off, my parents don’t only take it in the morning, but they take it whenever they’ve committed a mistake or something like that.”

Jaemin’s eyebrows furrow. “That’s strange.”

“It is,” You nod your head. “My friends were acting weird the other day. Almost as if they were jealous. They were speaking about the marriage ceremony but then they made reference that they both wanted me. I thought they were being playful before, but then when looking at them… into their eyes… Jaemin, they looked really selfish and jealous. Like they wanted to claim me for themselves,” Jaemin who was once serious when listening to you, ends up breaking into little chuckles causing you to blush a little feeling self-conscious and to snap out of being serious. “Why are you laughing? Do you think I’m not worthy?”

“Oh no,” Jaemin grins staring into your eyes. “You’re so worthy of appreciation. You’re thoughtful, curious, so quick witted and sharp, you’re just… someone that’s outside of the box.” Jaemin breathes in deeply looking into your eyes. He also wants to add how you’re whole-hearted, earnest, having amazing hands… lips… body… but he catches himself as his eyes stop checking you out. “If you ask me, they’re the ones unworthy of you.”

“Really?” His light statement has you giggling. “Or are you just saying that to flatter me?” You get up and go down the steps.

“Not at all, if you want me to flatter you, just ask." Jaemin too gets up and follows behind you. Whispering in your ear, "Ask me to do anything, and I’ll gladly do it if it means flattering you.”

“You would?” You bite your lips, a cute smile brushing on your lips. “You know, I actually want to… I want…” you turn around looking at him.

“You want what?” he stops walking too.

“I want to… know you more. Is that strange to say?” You inhale and exhale deeply looking into his eyes but he shakes his head. “Next year you said you’ll show me the pain that the dreamers hold. But, I was thinking about you. Won’t it be hard on you showing me pain when you have to look for a partner?”

“Partner?” Jaemin hears the misdirection of your question. “Where’s that coming from?”

“Like I said, my friends recently brought that to my attention.” You grin nervously “But, I was just thinking about it, about your partner,”

Jaemin tilts his head to the side loving how jealous you look. It makes him laugh inwardly. “Why were you thinking of my partner?” Luckily he could choose who he wanted… But he wanted to be released. There was no one he was interested in… but that's until you came around. At that, he thinks of your friends, especially Jeno. Already some elders had began pulling names together, and yours was with Jeno. He agreed with them that it would be a good choice, but somewhere deep in him, he didn’t want you to be with Jeno. He shakes his head chuckling lightly to get rid of the thoughts. “Here, put your mug down and let’s do an exercise. Just to get your mind out of these partners. Give me your hand,”

You do as he says and put your mug down and let your hand move towards him. Instead of showing you something, he… intertwines your fingers with his in a weird way. His eyes search into yours and you can only look back at him with a smile. “What is it?”

“What do you feel right now?”

“Warmth,” You say and he nods his head spreading your your arms up and slowly leaving your hands while his slide down your figure. Your hands in the air come down over his biceps smiling.

“How about now?” There seems to be a manifestation of emotions that are heavy, thick and almost tangible.

"I can feel my heart racing," you answer. "In a good way,"

"And now?" The way Jaemin let's your waist go and smoothly gets a hold of your hands intertwining your fingers, playing with them in a smooth way before spinning you around like some sort of dance. Turning you around one last time before your back lands on his front, with his hands still spreading yours wide horizontally and playing with your fingers. You lay your head on his chest closing your eyes, hearing him whisper. "How do you feel… when looking at me?"

If it were not for the fact that he's your trainer you would have easily said what you felt, but upon opening your eyes and seeing his gaze sink into yours, you remember that this isn't a dreamscape, he's your trainer. You whisper out. "Remember that Christmas Party you showed me, I believe some months ago?" You ask lacing your fingers deeply in his, watching as they untangle before tangle back into each other. Feeling the warmth of Jaemin on your back and his arms spread out with yours has your mind racing. You’re tempted to bring his fingers to your lips, as your eyes hesitate over his lips before drawing back to his clear eyes, while you recall the dreamscape.

"Oh yes, where you got drunk?" of course, he'd remember that. He teases playfully. You drank just one and a half cups of the bitter whiskey drink before Jaemin was your guide as you turned face and joined the madness around. You danced dances you've never known, you joined in on a crowd surfing and you swear- you never wanted to wake up from this dreamscape. All the while Jaemin laughed leaning on the wall, loving you enjoy yourself. Yes, loving. But you didn't know that.

And now as he brings your arms down turning you around again, you hold onto his hands and walk backwards and until you reach the couch, his heart beating a thousand times faster, he can't help the feelings erupting all over his stomach. Maybe it's because you're also a dreamer, maybe it's why he feels this attraction to you. He's felt like this before- but only in the dreamscape, when he'd reply in his mind of himself a wet dream. But those weren’t even real. Yet right now, here with you, looking into your eyes, feeling your hands, Jaemin recognizes the feelings easily.

In the present time now, with Jaemin, that ecstatic feeling builds up in the pits of your stomach. Nothing has changed, you still want to feel his body so close to you, in the closest way possible. You don't know how he was able to keep a composed face, but right now more than anything you want him to just show… you something. Something he's feeling.

"Yes, where I got drunk."

Jaemin smiles. "Your parents were so worried,"

"Jaemin," You lightly giggle drawing closer by shifting in your seat towards him.

He snickers a little. "I remember that dreamscape."

You nod your head. "You asked me what I feel when I look at you. well right now, I feel like that, back in that dreamscape."

Jaemin can hear his heart beating a little louder. "What did you feel back then?"

Now your heart is pounding in your chest, your toes curl, hands getting hot. 'I… want you… to kiss me like there's a mistletoe in the room.' Is what your mind wants to scream out, but instead you only look at him and suck in your lips. "Happy…" You meekly respond.

Jaemin nods his head peering into your own eyes. "Can I show you what I feel?"

"Yes, please," You breathe you. Jaemin untangles your hand from his, just as he removes his leather jacket only remaining in his black shirt.

He pats his lap smiling. "Well, come and sit,"

You chuckle a little getting up from the couch. Spreading your legs over him and sliding down with both your hands on his shoulder has your beating faster. Your eyes widen when he slides his hands down your sides. Your hands seemingly know where to go around his neck. "If you're uncomfortable in anyway-"

"I like this position," you assure, your eyes over his lips.

"But still, let me know," He whispers, voice barely audible even to your ears. Your breath hitches hearing him chuckle lowly. Without a second thought, Jaemin's hands manage themselves over your thighs which are slightly exposed from the buttoned down dress you're wearing. Your breath hitches, but you don't dare pull away from him. Ever so slowly both your eyes are on his lips, anticipating what he's going to do next. And you do not expect it.

Jaemin pulls you forward, bringing you closer until you're basically sitting on his manhood. "This okay?" He asks softly, a smile playing across his lips. You nod, eyes widening even more. A blush forms on your cheeks, which causes Jaemin to smirk. "Follow my lips," his eyes darken in something you can't really give a name to other then pleasure. He brings his hands above your waist and leans forward capturing your neck in a soft kiss and lick. You moan softly, your body instinctively getting closer to him, your thighs spreading over him. He kisses up your neck, your jaws and then finally your lips.

He moans by the taste of coffee on your lips. Deepening the kiss, both of you tangling your tongues. The heat rising in your body. This isn't just any kiss, it's full of emotions you've yet to name. You're so lost in this kiss, your first kiss, that you don't even notice Jaemin slowly lowering his body side ways until he's laying flat on the couch. You're straddling him now and don't know what to do.

"I want you," You whisper in the kiss. "I want to feel you, but I don't know what to do. Show me,"

Jaemin moves his hands to the hem of your dress, slowly lifting it up, causing goosebumps to spread over your skin as he spreads your thighs some more. "I'll guide you." His words are soft, yet somehow they send chills through your entire body. Both of you lean in, deepening the kisses and moving against each other, feeling each other's touch, you move your hands under his shirt in the same manner his hands tingle over your thighs, grazing along his smooth and toned abdomen. Your fingertips brush against the skin of his torso, making his breath hitch, your heart beats fast as you continue to explore, your hands going higher.

Slowly he lifts his body up and switches positions, now with you on your back and him above you. "It's okay. Just follow my lead." You nod your head, eyes glued on the man above you. Slowly he lowers his body, pressing his lips against yours again. His hand palms your waist while the other one slides in your thigh gently brushing over your core.

You shudder in the kiss and hold onto Jaemin's biceps. He continues gently passing your core and you've never known just how good your entire body could feel. All of a sudden his hand slides away and then goes up and palms your boob so softly. "Feels good doesn't it?" He says in between the kiss, watching you in ecstacy. Leaving your lips, his lips go down to your neck while the hand that was on your waist has now taken the position inside your thigh.

Running his middle finger over the material of your underneath pressing on your bulb bump has you arching your back. "Jaemin,"

Jaemin smiles before sliding his hand out and stopping the motion of pawing your boob. You gasp out looking at him in awe.

"Is that how you feel?" You question lowly in pure need of wanting him more.

Jaemin chuckles before sitting up and bringing you up as well. He brushed his hand past your hair making it go down. "It's the actions of it, but yes. It's known as making love."

"Making love?" You smile. "What does that mean?"

"That this is sacred. Something done by two people who love each and are sure." Jaemin nods his head. "More than anything, for a really long time, I've been sure about you." Jaemin admits causing your cheeks to feel hot. "I just don't want to… rush anything. I want to really let these emotions enjoy themselves. How about you?"

You nod your head touching your lips and biting it… You want to say the forbidden words but you simply smile. "I want that too. I just hope you don't give up. Not on yourself, and not on me. And not our community. Does this mean… You'll stay?"

"I'm still here because of you," he leans into you slowly, his eyes looking over your lips. His hand comes up to your cheek and he holds it in place, before diving in for another kiss with you.

And you swear upon getting home it's all you can think about. His lips.

When eating, sharing feelings, your face gets red but your family can't see it. They can only see how ecstatic you are. “Oh, before I forget. Jeno said the President designed a medication for you.”

“For me?” You tilt your head looking at the cylinder capsule with blood red liquid content inside.

“Yes, he said you should take it before you fall asleep.” Taeyong states, recalling how Jeno walked up to him with the note and serum.

Without taking your sleep injection but drinking on the new medication, you expect to dream about what you and Jaemin did.

However, something is wrong. The dream… starts off in the dark. You’re walking on a road alone… You turn your head left and right, wondering what’s happening. Yet, you get this urge to run. A sick feeling building up in your stomach. You turn your head when seeing someone walk behind you. You walk faster, not knowing why you feel on edge and uneasy.

Walking turns to speed walking. Speed walking turns to you breathing heavily. Thankfully you make it to a crowded area. People are walking all around- but your ears are blurred out from hearing the jizz around, as you can only hear how hard you’re breathing. You turn your head, and the masked hooded guy is still following you. Speeding walking turns to running- and just as you bolt the guy is heavy on his feet chasing you down. You’re panting and trying to run fast only for him to run faster- your poor legs don’t do much when he has you! Covering your mouth holding your body tight to his- you feel so much discomfort as he pushes you against the wall, tossing you into a darker alley.

“No, stop!” You try to break free- frantically trying to get him off of you. “S-stop!” Tears blur your eyes, but the masked man is strong and pins you against the wall, one hand holding onto your wrist tightly- the other hand… “Stop!”

“Shut up.”

“N-no-” You shake your hands but he’s so strong. His other hand continuing to pull down your pants. Rapidly when he lets your hands go to undo his belt- you swing your fist backwards hitting him. He grunts as you struggle to run with your pants open. You try to pull them back up- but that has the guy jumping to you and weighing you down on the ground. You try hitting him with all your might- grabbing his clothes and fighting him- you end up pulling off his mask-

A glimpse of his face has you frozen. President Johnny?Using your frozen state, he ends up forcefully removing your shirt and in an instant his face changes and morphs into… Jaemin that’s when you snap back. “Jaemin stop please! I don’t like this!” Your trembling voice yells out, but he doesn’t listen.

You hear the belt unfasten. You see something and your rigid state doesn’t stop squirming as you beg 'Jaemin' to let you go. But he doesn’t.

The dream seems to go on forever. The whole house in deep silence as you scream out. No one budging awake because of the heavy serum injection. However Haechan, on night shift duty, in the surveillance room quickly taps on a button entering the robot poll in your room.

"President Suh. Someone is coming." Haechan lies. Meanwhile the president over your body grunts. He was just about to get to the best part.

"Who?" Not hearing an answer, President Suh leaves gets up from your bed leaving you alone and then leaves your house.

Haechan in the surveillance room gulps when watching you calm down. However in the dream world you're spared from anything bad happening, you get up and begin running again when 'Jaemin' suddenly disappears. But it only gets worse from there.

-

3 days. 3 days since you last came to work. Jaemin bites his lip as he stands outside your dwelling. Wondering if you’ve been avoiding work because of the last time he saw you… that kiss probably scared you off. Jaemin thought giving you time, would allow you to cool off. But 3 days? No. Something was not right. You wouldn’t miss out on 1 day of work- so why 3. He needed to know what was wrong. That’s why he’s standing outside your dwelling in the afternoon, knowing very well that your guardians will be home, knocking on the door twice.

Of course they’re confused upon opening up the door. As no such thing as ‘visiting’ was permitted or even the fact that nobody was allowed to even step foot into another persons dwelling, unless you’re the president. 6p.m. that was dinner time, however when Taeyong opens the door, and comes face to face with the blackly dressed Dreamer- his eyes enlarge. “Dreamer Good afternoon. Please come in.” He greets, almost relieved. “She hasn’t been able to handle the pain well. We were hoping you’d come sooner.”

Pain? Jaemin can only nod once in greeting. “I see. Is she able to come to the door?”

This time Jaemin’s eyes go over to a female figure. “She hasn’t left her room in 3 days. We’ve tried several times to get her to come out, but to no avail, she refuses to speak to us or even come out.”

This time Jaemin’s head is in a huge muddle. Surely the kiss couldn’t have caused you to freak out like this. There’s something else. “May I see her?”

Taeyong and Seulgi look to each other, “We’d have to ask the president because he said she should-”

“Was he here?”

“No. But he's been aware of her condition.” Seulgi immediately shakes her head before she’s the one to lead you inside while Taeyong closes the door following after the pair that go up the stairs. “This is her room.”

“Can you leave us alone?”

“Certainly.” Seulgi answers hesitantly and uncertainly. She moves back a couple of steps being intimidated by Jaemin’s cold stare. She finds herself walking towards the staircase, stopping Taeyong in his stride up and telling him to retreat. “He’s come to help her.”

However Jaemin contemplates on the things to say in his head. He tries to think of possible reasons why you’re unresponsive both to him and your parents for 3 good days. This is bigger than the kiss, something else is troubling you, especially if the President knew about it. So before he knocks he thinks of some really good dreamscapes to show you to try and cheer you up… then again, maybe you don’t resonate with his feelings that’s why you haven’t been coming.

Knock. Knock.

Silence.

Knock. Knock. “It’s me,”

The voice alone has you springing your body upwards looking to the door. Tears mount your eyes hearing your dreamers voice. A part of you wants to leap to the door and push him outside and never agree to be a dreamer again. The other part of you hopes that he can take the pain away. Because ever since that first terrifying dream, for every time you’d fall asleep- only ‘bad’ dreams would come to your mind. In one dream you were beaten so badly that when waking up you still felt sore all over. But the worst and most terrifying was almost being raped . All these dreams, happened and were inflicted to you by Jaemin… Or the president. Your mind is too muffled up to even think straight. But to think that you saw Jaemin inflicting those acts… His eyes, his hands, his body, him. You saw him.p So, no. You don’t want to see him.

“Can I come in?”

“No.” You get up carefully from your bed, noticing how badly you’re trembling. You walk to the door and quiver shaking your head. “Dreamer. I don’t think I want to be a dreamer anymore.” You say quietly while fighting the tears trying to come out.

“What do you mean?” Jaemin’s eyebrows furrow. “Can I see your face Y/n? Please. You’re scaring me.” Hoping that you’re trembling tone is just an act. The last time he heard someone tremble was the Neorist elder in charge of nurturing. Before she found out that she was pregnant, she came to Jaemin to draw up a complaint against the President. Saying that he gave her a serum and did something to her. He doesn’t like how he can hear your voice so unstable and sounding like hers. “Can I come in, please.”

You say nothing, deciding to shake your head and go back to your bed. You sink in the bed and cover your head, trying to get the terrible memories to leave your head. Jaemin stays outside of your room for a really long time, wondering why your upset. “Is this because I kissed you?”

“Dreamer please go away,”

And why do you keep calling him ‘Dreamer’? You only called him that when you wanted to persuade him. But now… hearing how you call him that, he hears distaste in your voice and even… fear. What did he do? “Y/n. Please tell me what happened?”

Silence.

The silence is so loud and it irritates Jaemin that he can’t see your face and he doesn’t know what’s wrong. His mind was breaking out wondering what the hell was going on. “If it’s not the kiss, then what is it? Why don’t you want to be a dreamer anymore? Did I…” Jaemin halts a bit… a quick thought passing in his head. “Was it a dream you had? Did us kissing give you a strange dream? Did the President give you something weird?” This time the silence that follows is actually filled with you crying again and Jaemin nods his head. It's either you had a bad dream or the president gave you something. “Can we talk about it?”

“No.” You say.

Jaemin waits outside your door hoping that you can open it up. So he leans his head on the door, softly he speaks. “I don’t know what’ going on. Or what dream you had… but I promise you, it’s all in your head. It’s not real.” He bites his lip. “It may look and feel real, but it's not. I’ve had… I still get a lot of painful dreams. If you got one, and if that’s the reason you’ve stayed away, then I understand. Take as much time as you need. I understand. Although, if you want to talk about it, you can come to me. Alright… I'll be going.” He looks to your door again. A soft yellow. That must be the color of your entire dwelling. He moves away from the door going towards the steps seeing the family down below having diner.

“Bad dreams…” He doesn’t hear the creak to your door opening, but he hears your voice, even thought you’re whispering. He instantly turns back holding onto the stair rail. His heart sinks getting a look at your bloodshot red eyes and frightful facial features. Your hair tied back but still having so many stand outs that are frizzled. “They’re called nightmares.” You can’t even look at him. Your eyes are on the floor and on the wall. “Right?”

Jaemin nods his head, being careful. What did you dream that has you so shaken up? “Right.”

You hold yourself, keeping your eyes on the floor.

“The nightmares aren’t real.” He says, watching you gulp. Your tears getting to your eyes again. “Would you like to show me what you dreamt?”

You freeze a little and shrug your shoulders avoiding his eyes. “How would I do that?” It hurts Jaemin just hearing you speak.

“The same way I do to show you the dreamscapes.” He doesn’t approach you, just in case you’re still reluctant, but he does turn towards you. “My hands, my head, my feet. Whatever you want to show me just-” His attention is snapped elsewhere when hearing… a cry. A rueful, almost awakened cry… but not from you. Which is puzzling. But a baby. He’s about to ask, but hearing footsteps marching up the stairs, Taeyong, Jaemin moves aside as Taeyong hesitantly does an awkward smile. However it completely drops when seeing your state…

Gathering the courage to look up and see your fathers face, has you storming back into your room and shutting the door hard. It makes Chenle and Seulgi downstairs jolt a little, but for Jaemin and Taeyong, they both just feel gloomy. Taeyong clears his throat, carrying on the walk to another room. Jaemin picks up the courage to walk to your room door again. He knocks on it slowly- trying to not startle you.

“Do you still want to show me?” He quietly asks. Standing behind your door, you deeply breathe in and move aside. You pull the door open but only by a crack… looking up gently into Jaemin’s eyes, you recall the nonchalant look in his features as he pulled on your clothes in the dream “What is it? What did you dream?” He asks quietly. “You’re scaring me.” He whispers, his eyes carrying so much baggage of troubles. “Some days ago we were talking and kissing… and now seeing you crying is painful for me. I don’t like seeing you like this, please. Please tell me what’s wrong,”

You move aside opening the door wider. Jaemin exhales carefully and walks into the room. Your father, already having calmed Jisung down watches Jaemin enter the room before it shuts. He takes the news back downstairs, the reminder of your tears still being fresh in his mind. “She let him in her room.”

Jaemin gets accustomed to your plain room. Study table and chair, bed, mirror and a small wardrobe. Nothing much. He sees the books that he gave you on the bed. You take a seat on the chair turning it around and moving it towards you on the bed. He sits some feet opposite you. You’re looking at your hands that’s tightly clamped together. Your knees are pressed shut. Seeing his knees, you begin shuddering again. ‘It’s wasn’t real.’ You remind yourself. In the dream, his knees… kept kneeing rubbing on your… you shake your head sucking in a sharp breath when seeing his hands come in view.

Jaemin calmly stretches out his hands towards you. “Just take my hands… and picture what is it that you dreamt.”

“P-picture it?” You inhale instantly peering into his eyes getting scared. “You want me to… picture it? Re-live it?” You shake your head rapidly. “No.” The tear drops from your eyes and you get up backing away from him. “No way.” You move to the window.

That gets Jaemin anxious. It must’ve been really bad. He waits for you to regain your composure, as you’re breathing in and out, almost hyperventilating. “Okay, just calm down.” He gets up trying to cool you down, helping you breath as you do some breathing exercises. “I’ll go get some water for you, is that cool?”

You nod your head. Jaemin quickly gets out going downstairs seeing the family still around the table eating. Chenle’s curious eyes glaze over every inch of the dreamer in black- staring profusely being in wonder if he fixed his sister. “Is she alright?” Chenle asks before Seulgi or Taeyong can reprimand him.

Jaemin hums out. “Your sister is quite frightened right now. But she’ll be fine. May I get some water?”

“Yes of course,” Taeyong gets up and heads into the kitchen-

“Tap water, if you don’t mind.” Jaemin says getting Taeyong’s attention, who furrows his brows. Community bottled water is the best water. “I don’t trust bottled water.” Jaemin declares.

“But… there’s no other place to put the water?” Taeyong enquires confused, causing Jaemin to recall how they community doesn’t have any mugs, cups or any utensils… Just bottles.

“Shit.” He whispers. “Um, you know what, just empty out the bottle and then put in the tap water.”

Taeyong turns to Seulgi who equally looks baffled, but nods her head. Meanwhile Chenle’s eyes enlarge. “Why don’t you like the bottled water?”

“Chenle eat your food stop talking.” Seulgi warns.

Jaemin still answers. “There's nothing wrong with bottled water. I just don't trust it. Actually, I have a question about the crying baby upstairs. You already have two kids, isn’t it against the law to have a third?”

“Oh, we got clearance for the child. My husband works in the Nurturing Centre and this child didn’t qualify to be a one. The nurses spoke to the Neorist Elder In Nurturing in charge of nursing and she said it was alright for my husband to bring the baby to our dwelling.” She gives off a significant amount of information. Crying baby. That would be the next dreamer. Taking the water from Taeyong who arrives, Jaemin looks back to the family. “I’ll let myself out when I’m done with your daughter. Will that be okay?”

Taeyong and Seulgi nod their heads. Hopefully he could get you to speak up, is what they’re thinking, as Jaemin heads back to your room. They take Chenle to go and inject himself to sleep, they do a checkup on Jisung before heading to the living room to pass time until the accustomed bed time.

“What do you think he’s doing with her?” Taeyong asks, worried, yet also protectively. It’s the first time that someone has actually came to their home, what’s worse, has trapped themselves alone in the room with you. It was only right to feel anxious. You look much more eased, except this time you’re seated on the floor still doing breathing techniques.

He takes a seat right in front of you at a respectable distance. “Drink this,”

Your eyes open up. Your shift back and take the bottle in your hands drinking it.

After a whole minute goes by. You look at Jaemin, inhaling and exhaling. You stick out your hands and Jaemin holds onto them carefully. His body stiffens when actually feeling your entire body tremor just from the contact of skin. “Are you ready?”

You shake your head and blink your tears away. “It’s not real. It’s just all in my head. So… I’ll… trust you- I’ll try.” You gasp out, the pool by your eyes causing Jaemin to hold your hands tightly. You close your eyes concealing the tears. Jaemin too closes his eyes, anticipating anxiously what your dream was…

And damn does he feel anger. He sees you walking at night. You keep looking over your shoulder at him… him being the body he’s possessing in your dream. Whoever this person is. He’s making you uncomfortable. He allows for the movement to carry him, wondering what’s going on. However, as the dream continues with him rapidly following your timid scared self, it escalates into him running after your slow self. He has a bad feeling and knows where the dream is heading. His conscious jumps out of the body wanting to see what you saw- he takes on a ghostly form to view in a third perspective- yet his eyes enlarge as the body Jaemin was possessing gets you in a fierce headlock before dashing and squirming with you to a dark alley. Jaemin watches you struggle- begging the person to stop.

Something about all this is strange… it resembled a dreamscape, but it was a nightmare. He can’t dwell on it longer when you strike up a punch to the man does his hood fall back. He’s surprised to see the face… of the President… before it morphs to HIS OWN FACE! His face as the man who’s now taking advantage of you. He pulls on your clothes- and Jaemin shakes his head instantly jumping back into the body and altering the dream-

He stops himself- taking possession of the dreamscape as his own. He manages to gain control of the narrative- yet…

You’re still stick in shock and trying to get away as you get on your feet and begin running- your mind getting scrambled with the way the dream is going. You try to take control of the dream again as the scene wants to manifest itself- but Jaemin does something that has you breathing out rapidly.

He pauses your dream by snapping his fingers and instantly the dream fades into a black void with your feet being frozen in a run. You notice the darkness all over, except for the floors which turns a misty white. “Don’t worry Y/n, it’s me. It’s me Jaemin.”

“No- no.” However, you’re still stuck in the trance of wanting to show Jaemin the dream- that it’s actually hard to come out of yourself.

Slowly the world Jaemin tries to creates crumbles apart- as you’re back in the alley way running away from the rapist on the floor. Jaemin runs after you- trying to get you to stop. Shit. You aren’t prepared in building dreamscapes yet. Your conscious is colliding with your unconscious. Jaemin can tell that- because as you’re running a duplicate of him runs past him- chasing on you rapidly. He’s shocked out of his mind as a duplicate of him runs so quick and still catches you thrusting you to the corner unveiling your clothes. You begin screaming- and that has Jaemin enraged. He pounces on the duplicate of him punching him in the face- the duplicate falls down but gets up with no injury ignoring him and trying to get your pants off-

This isn’t good. Jaemin tries to wake you up. Your dreamscape is getting chaotic! Another duplicate of him comes out and drags him- he tries to fight it- but that only has another duplicate of himself coming to hold him down as others emerge and run to you on the ground pulling on your clothes- he can hear you screaming and he tries- so hard to try and control the dreamscape- but he’s failing- which is unreal because he can’t fail. Despite you being weak- it seems like this dream is run by an unconscious side of you.

It's when he opens up his eyes in the real world, do his ears pop when hearing you screaming non-stop! “Y/n!” He yells out your name. “Shit!” He lets go of your hands shaking you vigorously and roughly trying to wake you up from the powerful dreamscape landscape you’ve created. He’s so deep in trying to shake you up that he doesn’t notice when Taeyong and Seulgi stand shocked by the door hearing you scream.

Jaemin gets the bottle of water tossing it on your face- but you continue screaming. “Wake up!” Jaemin yells out seeing as you’re now shaking your head- living the nightmare in reality. You begin fighting him but he’s got such a tight grip on you that he doesn’t allow you to hit his face as he grabs your arms. “Wake up!” You’re quick to kick him- your conscious feeling all these hands- all of Jaemins duplicates and their hands on you. “It’s not real!” He keeps yelling out but then you kick him as you get up on your feet.

Your mother and father run inside your room trying to assist Jaemin in catching you- but you’re so strong that you literally punch your mother’s face and kick your father- still screaming and hyperventilating. To think that it was past 8 p.m. but they were still awake in hopes to ask Jaemin questions after he was done. And if they were caught they would easily explain that the dreamer was in there dwelling. So they watched the street lamps turn off, they watched their own house lights turn off and for the first time, they held each other’s hands in some sort of… consoling way. Everything was silent. That’s until they heard you screaming- they ran up the steps and plunged into your room- but the scene of your erratic behavior shocked and almost paralyzed them on the spot. It’s not when Jaemin splashed you with water- did they unfreeze and move.

But now Taeyong attends to Seulgi who cowers back and watches you in horror losing your mind while holding onto her cheek that was painful. Jaemin manhandles you with so much force before pinning you on the bed and digging into his pocket for something to keep you still! You’re not prepared for the magnitude of the shock that jolts all of your molecules shocking you – electricity going up all over your body.

Jaemin pants out when seeing you pass out from being tazzered down.

“What happened?” Seulgi asks.

“Did you just release our daughter?” Taeyong asks out horrified.

Jaemin looks back to your parents on the ground before cursing out. “Fuck.” He breathes out and stands up placing the tazzer back in his jacket. The only time he used this was to wake himself up from nightmares. “Right now. Go and sleep. Before I-”

“Please stand by for an announcement.” Jaemin snaps his head to the little injection monitor in your room, however it speaks out. "Good night Mr Taeyong, good night Mrs Seulgi.” This time some gas sprays out of the monitor and by an instant when Taeyong and Seulgi sniff it, they collapse in sleep straight on the floor. “Dreamer Jaemin, you have to run- the President is on his way to this dwelling. You need to hide Y/n from him.”

Jaemin notices that the announcement isn’t coming from everywhere, just in your room in a hushed robotic voice. Clearly something fishy is happening. He carries you on his back cursing out when he goes out the door and sees a black vehicle. Great. “Just my fucking luck.” He shakes his head when seeing the backseat open. Despite the cars being removed in all communities… this mysterious black car belonged to only one person. It was kept away from any preying eyes and would only drive at night.

President Johnny.

Getting in the car, Jaemin’s not surprised when he sees Johnny holding onto the wheel. That means whoever made the announcement was trying to protect you. “I would ask you why you're here, but I've got a better idea. Be a gentleman and close the door.”

Jaemin secures you in hug as he places your head on his chest, before closing the door. As they leave, they don’t hear the wailing cry of the baby Jisung.

-

Community 1. This is the place they took your mother. The community specialized in punishing peopling. Jail, as others called it.

Jaemin and your unconscious body are strapped on chairs opposite each other in a white wide circular room. It’s large. There is nothing in the room. Just pure white. Contrasting to Jaemin’s black attire. You’re in your white pajama pants and shirt sitting opposite from Jaemin. Jaemin can only stare at you, wondering what will happen here. Would this be how they'd punish you both?

The doors open and in walks Johnny. Jaemin’s jaw clinches as his tongue circles his mouth, only glaring at Johnny. “Welcome to the punishment internment zone.” Johnny walks towards you. Pulling your hair back adjusts your head upright. “That tazzer surely is strong. She needs to be awake for her punishment.”

“What did you do to her?”

“I tried scaring her into running away from being a Dreamer. I wonder why you want to give up being a Dreamer, if it's because of me then I promise I'll stop having pleasure.” Johnny speaks.

Jaemin rolls his eyes. “That's what you're saying but after seeing her dream, I believe you've done something far worse. Involving those serums."

Johnny smirks. "You've got no proof. It was her friend that gave her the medication for the pain to relieve her from the pain she’s endured. It was her decision to drink it.”

“Pain medication? What bull are you talking- you let others do your dirty work and in the end feign ignorance. That's criminal.” Jaemin’s eyebrows furrow when releasing something. His eyes enlarge. Paid medication? As in the same one they gave Mark-

“Truth be told. I don’t think she’s cut out to be a Dreamer. You're the best one we have. You allow us to do what we want.” He mentions, massaging your unconscious shoulders. “The same way I didn’t think Mark was suited to be one because he always targetted to get me out of power.”

Jaemin grates his teeth.

Just in time, you grunt and move in your seat pinching your eyes closed tightly before they flatter open. Your eyes coming to full of distress when the scenery of your house has changed- Jaemin’s in hand cuffs but so are you.

“Oh rise and shine. Welcome back.” Johnny greets cheerfully.

“Jaemin…” You whisper slowly trembling upon recalling the last memory you had… you saw him… him and several clones. He tried fighting them off trying… to protect you… help you but… they were overpowering. But seeing him now being cuffed to the chair you turn to the side. Your face is laced with surprise when seeing the President.

“Thank you for being obedient in drinking the medication that Jeno gave you.” Johnny pulls out a syringe with a blood red liquid. Jaemin watches with wide eyes as Johnny injects walks towards him. Jaemin is defenseless and tries to duck himself but Johnny is quick in sticking the needle violently on his neck. No sooner than later, your eyes watch in shock at the way Jaemin’s eyes frizzle and become dizzy… instead of looking like he’s alive… he looks out of it. Emotionless in a way he’s never looked before. “Unfortunately, Dreamer Y/n. Your course ends here. Thank you for your time in the communities.” Johnny nods his head pretending to sympathize. “Oh yes I forget to tell him.” He looks to Jaemin’s drugged out face. “Her punishment will be pleasure. Done by you. You called it non-consenting rape, I believe. Well, you're the one with the dreamscapes. Show me how it's done. That way you and I will become two peas in a pod.”

"Jaemin." You call onto Jaemin’s name, but he barely even blinks looking dull and empty.

You just woke up. You don’t know what the hell is going on. But judging from what Johnny is saying, all you can think about is that ‘medication’ you drank… you believe it’s what gave you that nightmare… and seeing as it’s the same injection that Johnny used to place in Jaemin’s neck, your heart begins beating fast.

Johnny leaving the room wishes you luck. The doors close behind him, however once they close the door, the cuffs on Jaemin’s hands and yours are undone.

Not even a quick second passes but you’re thrown off your chair by a heavy backhand slap from him. “No. Jaemin please stop it-” you tremble. Jaemin’s hands aren’t giving out. You try not to cry out loud by his gripping force. He’s very masculine. Very strong and his hands really hurt when they’re on your body.

You try to punch but he dodges while mindlessly trying to fulfill the desire of the blood red liquid serum… Which is to fill you non-consenting pleasure. Jaemin tries to get a hold of your hands and he does but you panic and chuck his groan with your knee- he grunts and slaps your face again grabbing your neck as you cry out grabbing his arms.

“Jaemin stop!” You attempt to hit his arm that doesn’t budge- so you punch his throat. And he gurgles causing him to let you go but only for a second- you grab his shirt just as he grabs your hair and yanks you so hard on the floor getting on top of you. “Jaemin please.” You cry out when he pins your arms above your head. You’re squirming and crying trying to knee him, but his position seems impenetrable. Vital points. Neck. Chest. Heart. You keep swinging trying to get your arms free- but in that motion he violently grabs your chin and dives to kiss your lips. You hear him moan and it just doesn't feel right, like the first time. “Jaemin-” you get out of his lips for a second before he forces them back on you- “Snap out of it!” You yell. He holds onto your hands hard, his other hand going down the sides of your body. You can only squirm. The outcome of this has two possibilities. With either him hurting you… or you hurting him. You give up and cry out, letting your eyes linger on his face as he kisses violently down your neck stealing a lot of your whimpers with such brute force. “Jaemin please stop…” You whisper but he doesn’t stop.

The nightmare relives again but this time you know it’s real. He removes your shirt by grabbing it's fabric and tearing it off violently. You cry when he grabs your covered boob before his hand swims down and he stuffs his hands inside your pants. “No please stop!” You shake your head. “You’d never do it, because you know what love is." You don’t feel it, but Jaemin’s tongue sucking on your neck stops for a bit before he continues. Meanwhile, you shut your eyes tightly professing how he’d never do it. “You wouldn’t hurt me like this. You wouldn’t hurt me Jaemin- because I know you love me. You said it's sacred. That love making is sacred. Done by people who love each other. Jaemin," you whimper out a cry. "Jaemin. Jaemin please, I love you, I love you so much, please don't do this to me - Jaemin please stop.”

His hands hesitate over yours and you take that quick hesitation to break your hands free- but instead of trying to punch him or get away you grab his face away from your neck.

“Jaemin I love you," you whimper out with tears in your eyes. Jaemin's eyes bore into yours deadly. He watches the broken glass look in your eyes as you speak softly to him. "P-please wake up. Please wake me up. I love you. It's okay, I promise you in real. I'm not a dream. I love you. I love you so much." Jaemin tries to move his head- but you hold him tighter. "Jaemin please- don’t take advantage of the good we have. Please. You told me that. That we can’t have good because only one person will turn it bad. Please don’t be that person. Please… show me that you love me, by waking up from this dream. Wake up. Please.”

That has Jaemin stopping- the words hitting his head.

“Please…” He looks up to your eyes… his brain slowly clouding back to his rightful senses. He's erratic breathing slowly bringing him back. Your thumb moves to his lips as you continue to beg. Jaemin's lips kiss your thumb. The tears by your eyes don’t lie as you beg him again. “Please Jaemin, don’t do it.” And instantly he gets off you panting wildly. He can feel his fingers shaking, his whole body trembling… the thought of Mark passing over his head again. When Johnny strapped Mark over the chair, he gave Jaemin a red liquid serum that altered his thoughts to make him act out Mark’s worst fear. Jaemin beat Mark up so badly that after waking up the next day he heard that Mark ended his own life. So seeing you, still on the ground trying to cover yourself again- Jaemin looks at his hands. He can’t believe that the President did it again. Used his own body to harm another person. “Jaemin…?”

His head snaps up to your voice. “I’m sorry.” His voice breaks into a trembling cry. “I’m sorry.” He backs up again and shields himself. This is why he wanted to be released… he didn’t want to experience his body being used again. He recalls how he beat up Mark mercilessly almost to death, almost to a palp. And now you… he almost raped you.

“Jaemin,” He feels too ashamed to look up at your face. He hurt you. “Jaemin, please look at me.”

He doesn’t. But it doesn’t stop you from slowly… warmly wrapping your arms around him. You hold him so tight that you lay your head on his… “I’m so sorry..”

“It’s okay.” You tenderly smile.

“This is why I wanted to die. It's not the first time he's used me like this.” He shakes his head. “I can’t keep hurting those I care about. First it was my family. And then my friend. And now you…”

“It wasn’t you Jaemin. It was a nightmare.” Your hand lays on the side of his face as you tilt your head trying to get him to look at you. “To think it’s happened to people in the past by those they love must’ve been really frantic. The heartbreak of trusting someone you love and then they hurt you… Now I can imagine the pain you keep to yourself and endure.”

“That’s not even half of it.” He looks down. “It doesn’t change the fact that I hurt you.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s the fault of the person who injected you. The person in power.” You say with anger towards Johnny. “He’ll be damned if he tries to do that again.”

“I love you," he blinks away the tears when seeing perfect love in your eyes. "That's what this community lacks. The world was made with love. Without love everything is dull… You, literally saved me with love." He holds you again in his arms and you engulf in him. "I'm still sorry. We need to get out of here and inform the Neorists of Johnny’s erratic behavior. Because if I see him I’ll give him a piece of my mind and that might land me to be released.”

Your head snaps to the door as it opens up. Thinking it’s Johnny, Jaemin gets in front of you ready to fight, but instead it’s Haechan. “Haechan?” You peek from behind Jaemin.

“I’ll explain later, but you have to leave now.” He looks back to the passage before looking at you and Jaemin again. Jaemin removes his leather jacket and helps you put it on.

Haechan helps you escape from the punishment room and out of Community 1. He helps you and Jaemin to his piloting drone and flies high up in the night sky. He explains how Jeno told him that the President gave him a weird serum to give Y/n. He explains that Jeno felt that the President acted weird when giving him the serum. And Haechan too admits to watching the President drive to your house for three days and nearly tried to do something bad with you. And the fourth time when the president tried again, this time he was glad that Jaemin was there.

With his drone he followed the president and saw him violate multiple rules. With protocol, Haechan is supposed to write out a warning, but seeing as it was the President, he didn’t know what to do. Thankfully, Jaemin tells him to report it to the Neorists and hopefully they’ll make a judgement call. With Y/n and him being witnesses, there’s no way Johnny will escape this.

"You've got yourself good friends." Jaemin comments, after Haechan lands by the edge of community 7, by Jaemin's house. "They treat you more like a sister then their love interest. Rest up, I'll be back."

Leaving you at his place in the comforts of his lively nature filled room, with the glass wall showing the beauty of nature, you're able to rest up. He heads to your family dwelling at exactly 6 a.m. to just report that you’re alright and that the events of last night will be rectified, that they should just continue on as normal. But after he’s done he comes back to his place, already seeing you sitting up on his bed in one of his shirts and sweatpants. He sits on the edge of the bed biting his lip when looking at your attire.

“What’s going to happen now?” You ask.

Trying not to get distracted, especially after recalling the things he did to you unconsciously, he clears his throat. “If your buddy Haechan has done his part well in reporting back what he saw to his elder, then the Neorsits will call for a meeting. But if he hasn’t done that, then I’ll have to go and report what I saw myself. Having a community member report a crime is better because it means that the Neorist Elders will be forced to rectify the mistake. They’ll decide on the fate of the President.” Jaemin says. “From there, a ruling will be made, it’s either they’re going to put him out of power and president-ship, or release him. With what he did I’m sure those will be the only options.”

Just then they both hear a loud ‘ding dong’. “I guess your buddy did his part. Someone’s here to call me for the meeting… Do you…” He looks into your eyes. The same eyes that looked at him with so much love… Are looking back at him, with even more love. “I know it’s all so sudden, but do you want to come with me?” He looks in between your eyes. The way you cried last night really pulled a toll on him. He wants to make up for his actions, by proving to you how much he loves you. He wants to actually stay with you and hope that perhaps… with Johnny out of power… his fate as a Dreamer will change.

“What happens when they release him?” You question. “Will someone else be elected as president?”

“Yes.” He nods his head. “One of the Neorists of course.”

-

“Dreamer Jaemin,” One of the Neorist elders, Jaehyun, the commander of justice calls onto Jaemin. “Would you care to give us your verdict. Our choices are inconclusive. 3 out of 10 prefer that President Suh remains in power, reasons due to how sufficient he has been in ruling the communities. They argue that he might have seen Y/n as a failure because of her actions. Another 3 out of 10, myself included, are in favor of casting the President out of leadership, due to one too many scandals across various of communities, such as invading privacy, manipulating rules, involving himself in illegal serum testing and many more. And finally the last 3 out of 10 prefer for the community to make the final decision because this is the President of all communities, they’re claim is that the community deserves to know. We have all made our claims, it’s up to you to weigh out the decisions, and rule out what we will not do and give your final judgement. On the case of President Suh Johnny, what will we as the body of Neorists do?”

Sitting in the large meeting room with a wooden brown table in the center and all the Neorists sitting around it, you can feel the urgency of the matter as you sit next to Jaemin. If this is what it’s always looked like when making decision, you understood why Jaemin always had a cold face. To intimidate the board of Neorists sitting down. Aside from you, there’s only one woman in the panel, The lady in charge of Nurturing in all communities. She’s the only member with a kind face. Other than that, the other men have serious faces looking ready to argue back with Jaemin.

“My Dreamer has done nothing wrong except heed to his instructions. He specifically said the community cannot afford another failure. It’s the reason why I’ve taken my time in training her. Would you prefer that I rushed and she actually turned to betray the community the way he has? In the matter that President Suh should remain in power is just stupid. A community member, two of them have reported suspicious activities.” Jaemin says firmly leaning back on his seat. “Time and time again, we have sat in this room with the President. We’ve all seen how chaotic he's gotten. For his own personal amusement, he did as he pleased. If it’s really up to me, with every single crime that he has committed, I’d have him released. He doesn’t deserve to be our leader. That’s my call. I wouldn’t say it’s the final judgement, I’m leaving that up to you.”

It’s dead silent as Jaemin is done talking.

“What about you Y/n,” Jaemin turns to you, although his face is still rough with his cold demeanor, his eyes do soften entirely when addressing you. “Do you have anything you want to add? Now is your chance-”

“Excuse me, she can’t speak. We don’t let nonmembers-”

“Mind you Elder, whether you like it or not, she’s the next Dreamer." Jaehyun speaks to the elder who stepped out of line. Saving Jaemin from fighting alone. "You’ll soon be taking orders from her.” Jaehyun looks at you. You stiffen up. “What about you Dreamer in training? Do you have anything to say?” The question is so stern out of his mouth. Wow. Being here really makes you see how tough and firm Jaemin has to be in order to get his point through. Thank goodness he hasn’t started swearing.

You snap out of your thoughts while feeling Jaemin’s knee budge into yours- probably his indication for you to speak fast. “Oh. Uh. Well, after the months I’ve spent training, I found it hard to believe that everyone is taught to follow and obey the rules within our community, but our very own President hadn't done that. In order to eliminate discrimination, envy, jealousy, supremacy, hate and plainly anything different. While we’ve eliminated pain, hunger, and other negatives, we’ve also eliminated love… and freedom of choice. President Suh exercised his freedom of choice, and I think… it’s only fair if everyone gets a chance to also exercise their freedom of choice.”

“So what I’m hearing is that you want the community to decide his fate?” One Neorist says- not having understood what you said.

“That’s not what I said.”

Meanwhile Jaehyun and a few others who have an idea of what you’ve said consider your words. “So, what are you trying to say?”

You turn to Jaemin and he nods his head once. “What you decide to do with the president has nothing to do with me, my concern is the aftermath. Going forward, in order to prevent what President Suh did in future, we need a new President, who embodies the right qualities. And can lead us well."

"Who do you have in mind?" The female Nurturing Elder asks. "Because I too would like to see President Suh out of power and our community actually thriving on something."

"Plus you mentioned love." Jaehyun speaks. "I speak for us all when I say, we don't know wat that is."

"Then the person who knows what it is, should rule over the communities. And break us from a box that we've created." You turn to Jaemin- and Jaemin tries to ignore the odd cliche memories sipping into his thoughts, but he finds your words very gracious and generous. You smile. "With love, you'll see how the community will flourish in a different way." You continue speaking as if you're not just talking to the Neorist Elders, but to him specifically. "Love can change our perception of the world around us, as well as our view of ourselves. If we can bring that feeling back, then we'll have true peace. Compassion."

You turn your gaze onto him, eyes glittering with excitement. It's clear to Jaemin that you're more than eager to share these ideas with the Elders. Jaemin's heart feels relieved as he thinks about your dreams. He wants those too. And maybe, just maybe, love may be what can make the world worth living in again. Aside from that, your presence already makes him want to live longer, by your side.

[tossawary]

Regarding "The Hobbit" film trilogy, even if I ended up personally disliking and resenting how much time and focus the elf characters (and others) ended up taking away from the dwarves whom I think deserved more focus as rich internal characters (I know that studio pressures are a factor in that terrible love triangle and so on), I still... vaguely appreciate the effort to create and include named female characters like Tauriel, when the book is sadly lacking in them. I think she's fine, actually. Comparatively, there are many other elements in these adaptations that I think are much, MUCH worse.

But still, if you want to add female characters to this story, the obvious answer to me seems to be to just make half the Company into dwarf women? (With similarly fancy beards and other facial hair! Because I think that's fun.) It's just... so much easier?

Do NOT come at me with that "dwarf women are rare" bullshit. Unreliable narration. Logistically unlikely. Also, if you believe that "men are the warriors and craftsmen, the women stay at home" is how dwarf society strictly functions (boring, honestly, on top of being incredibly sexist), I could argue that the Battle of Azanulbizar and other struggles probably left a significant dent in this dwarf group's male population, leaving behind many widows and mothers without children to pick up the work. The battlefields have come to and TAKEN both Erebor and Moria from the dwarves. I see no good reason why dwarf women would not have equal investment in reclaiming their home and the gold. Many of the Company are not presented to be formally trained warriors, anyway.

Now, ideally, we could do way queerer stuff in terms of both romance and gender here, but we know cowards with veto powers would not let this happen. Still, I feel like basic genderbending would have been a very doable move and is, actually, a very reasonable ask of an adaptation that would have added some depth to the story even if you didn't acknowledge the change at all.

Like, preferably, this would be an adaptational change that would be directly addressed. Maybe all of the Company appear male at first due to traveling that way (and assumptions made by humans and hobbits), then Bilbo might learn that some of the Company are dwarf women when he becomes closer to all of them. We could have a brief scene acknowledging that dwarf women are fighting these battles for their pasts and their futures too. It doesn't have to be a big thing! They can just be there. Existing. Participating.

I even think it would be fun if two of the dwarves were actually an older married couple traveling together, instead of brothers or cousins, because loving married bickering and battle couples are fun. You can have running jokes in the background about how Smaug's invasion ruined their wedding day, and going back and forth with "you never take me anywhere nice" @ each other whenever they're stuck in Goblintown or the Mirkwood dungeons. (I like seeing good marriages & partnerships in fiction and established couples going on fantasy quests together. I just think it's neat.)

But another (sillier) direction is that you could just cast some actresses in beards to play some of the dwarves, then leave the fact that some of these characters are probably dwarf women (traveling as men) as a fun detail for the audience. Bilbo is either too oblivious to notice or much too polite to bring it up at all. It's canonically compliant to the text this way!

Now, obviously some few people would have complained that Tolkien's work was being ruined by "political correctness", but they complained anyway about Tauriel (when there are MANY other bad choices in these movies), and what worthwhile arguments could they have possibly made against genderbending some of the THIRTEEN dwarves? Like, most casual fans I know cannot NAME the entire Company, who get so little character development in the book that the films had to come up with unique designs and backgrounds for most of them anyway. Bro (directed towards someone objecting to the idea of including female dwarves), be real, there's no way that you honestly cared this much about "Nori the Dwarf" before right now.

[bunningchaos]

Runaway

I finallllyyy, got this done- story thingy for KVAU on the sideline, so far got the first introduction chapter up

↼↼{Nil} - {Next}⇀⇀

Original Nightmare/Dream belongs to jokublog, on Tumblr!

Summary - Having nowhere else to return to, and forced to be on the run. Away from the hands of whom he once addressed as 'Brother'. Nightmare travels from one universe to another, in an attempt to remain undetected. Until he comes across tormented souls that screams for help. Unable to look the other way, takes them under his wings.. not without facing some issues.

Link to the AO3 for the chapter

And because I can, here's the drawing without the text

Anyways

✕-✕

Being on the run constantly, never having even the smallest amount of time to take a breather. His legs were beginning to ache with every heavy steps forward, one after another weighing him down more and more. The echoing footsteps accompanied by a noise similar to that of a wet cloth being dragged across a kitchen's counter, the accursed tendrils that drips with black goo. Staining the path he takes, it reeks heavily of negativity. That damned corruption that won't leave his body - every since THAT day, spurting out from his back yet can't even maintain a proper form. No matter how hard he tries to keep it hidden, or to control it to do something, anything. Nothing worked. The least he could muster was lifting up the tip of the extra appendage just to do a tiny wave, if it could even be counted as one. Given how useless it's proven to be so far.

Hah.

To hell with that. No, damn every single thing!

This forsaken body of his, riddled with corruption and adding onto the fact he have a rather weak physique from the get-go.

The desperate need to slow down when he knows for a fact, that danger is lurking right behind him. Yet he couldn't push forward for longer than his limits could allow. Resulting in close-calls where he could practically feel the presence of whom is hunting him down right next to him, staying as silent as possible and even curling in on himself where he hid. Praying desperately that he'd remain undetected. To not be found, dragged back to the hell he once called 'home'.

Why can't his very own body, listen to himself? Why must it get exhausted so easily, to crave for food and water. It wasn't this bad in the past, he could go for days on end without giving into mortal needs such as those. When he was with his brother..

 

...Right, his brother. His other half, the only sole person he had in his entire life. Aside from those residing in the village near the majestic 'Tree Of Feelings', sure they were the probably nicest bunch of people he's ever met in his entire life!- correction, his entire childhood. He still preferred Dream at the end of the day, his beloved precious twin. Whom were always the one closest to him, and vice versa. They were usually together- or so he recalls, no matter what they've always been by each others' side. Through thick and thin, not once have he allowed anyone else into his SOUL, to understand him as deeply, it was all limited to strictly Dream. Perhaps he didn't connect with others as much? Whatever, it wasn't an issue, it never was. Though it's strange, he never actually got the chance to see Dream within the village. But, at the end of the day, when they both retreat out of the lively town and back underneath the tree. Nightmare always beams at the sight of his lovely brother, the sunshine adored by all including Nightmare

This very sunshine, Dream, returned the same adoration towards the moon that didn't shine as brilliantly. Words weren't necessary, Nightmare could literally feel the adoration his brother held for him and that was enough.

 

So, the day that incident occurred? To simply say his whole view on the definition 'trust' was broken, shattered into pieces, were an underestimation. Every fiber of his body hurt from inside out, the overwhelming, nauseating scene induced the urge to throw up.  What hurts the most wasn't the dreaded condition everyone fell under, nor the sickening laughter that rang and echoed within his mind.

It was the absolute realization of betrayal from his twin, no less. Why? Why did he have to do what he did?

Everything was fine.

Life was going okay.

No one was unhappy.

 

No one...

 

...

 

Was Dream ever happy?

 

Was it all a delusion?

 

Did Nightmare do something wrong?

Had he blind himself to the truth?

 

What have he not seen that led to Dream having to take such drastic actions?

 

Even now, he could still remember the way Dream cried- golden tears streaming down the delicate ivory bone. Positivity burning brightly and engulfing the surrounding with nothing but scorching warmth, comforting but deadly. The way he smiled, through the burning pain. As if he didn't hold a single ounce of regret for his decision, that twisted joy. It was horrendous, terrifying. It scarred him mentally.

 

"Ugh--" Wincing, his head throbbed. That was the furthest extent he could remember, everything else was a blur. Vague recollection of him holding onto five darkened apples within his arms were the only other thing he's capable of pulling up from the muddled, fuzzy mess.

 

How long has it been since his last rest? Surely now should be alright to relax, even for just a few minutes. Right? Singular violet eyelight glancing around, scanning the surrounding to ensure there wasn't anyone nearby. Specifically more aware about even the slightest bit of positivity. As that'd usually be a huge indicator that a certain someone were nearby, prompting a hurried, poor attempt to hide.

However, coming to the conclusion that he was safely alone. He could finally ease the tension within his body, though that made him all the more aware of the temperature. One simple breeze sent shivers down his entire body.

 

It's cold, so cold.

..Dream

 

Brother.

 

It's so lonely.

 

"..I don't want to be alone...-" A sob broke out from his gritted teeth, purple droplets rolling down his cheekbones- ones that fell from the left socket, mixed in with the corruption that oozed from the top of his skull, nearly covering that entire upper-side of his face except for a small bit that grant him the tiniest remainder of vision on that specific socket.

Alas, this serves as another way to bring attention to his very skull, the same socket itself was melting. Perhaps an additional aftereffect induced from the consumption of the very fruits that he was tasked to protect with his life. 

Going against his sworn duty for which his birth were created for, having to bear with the overwhelming negativity that flooded every fiber of his body- one bite after another into the apple, Letting the magic surge within the pathetically fragile body he possesses.

Agonizing, the entire time feeling like he's being ripped apart limb by limb. One bone after another, alongside experiencing the lowest drop in temperature that even a monster wouldn't be able to handle.

No ordinary living being would, one can even compare it to being thrown straight within space, locked within containers filled with nothing but ice-cold water where the chill gets drastically worse. At points nearly coughing out the bits of fruits that he took, having to forcibly coax his body into swallowing it all- to consistently encourage himself.

'This is for your own good',

'You're doing great.',

'One more apple, just the last one'

and.. 'The pain will be over soon'.

All of those, being lies, pure deception to lull himself into the final digestion of all five apples he snatched from the tree. His own mother- creator, who gave him and his brother life. Moments before fleeing from the latter that did the exact same thing he had done, the only reason he pulled the same thing off was the terrifying reality regarding the apples' safety.

No doubt, Dream is seeking for it all back, ultimately having turned majority of the once evenly-split amount of fruits that the almighty tree beared, into absolute positivity. Ridding negativity to a extreme, a drastic low where even Nightmare struggled to function for a few.. weeks? Months? He lost track of time really, or was it years?

 

Everything, regardless of where he stepped foot in- was hot, calescent. For the first few.. months, or so he assumes. Positivity raging like a hellfire that burnt everything in sight, affecting even those that remained blissfully unaware of the changes. Similar to that of a tsunami that comes full-force and slowly subside, things gradually calmed down.

At the same time, negativity began arising from the pit that it was shoved down into. That's not to say Nightmare is pleased nor agree with the horrific acts and scenes that he witnesses when attempting to stay within one of those few universes at first to recope and recharge but, interfering wasn't in his range of capability during then. Having to learn how to drown out the surrounding noises, pretend he's hard of hearing and sight.

Only taking his leave when he's able to recover enough strength to carry on for a few days. Even just an hour's worth of negativity, which weren't much, have the potential to keep him going for days if he manages his reserve well. That is.

...At times not even managing to get that much, the least were five minutes at max. Courtesy of Dream showing up.

 

Although he now knew the physical and mental torment that Dream had to endure, one thing he couldn't remotely grasp was. The other's change in behavior, his entire attitude and mindset seeming to have morphed into someone new entirely. To the point that even Nightmare couldn't identify who the opposing guardian were, if not for the sheer positivity he emanated and the familiarity of his soul.

Their souls, intertwined in such a way that there’s an invisible connection which granted them the capability to speak telepathically, similar to that of soulmates, rather, bondmates would be much easier to explain. By no means were they in a contract or pledged any vow to one another, those were never necessary. They're two halves of the same coin afterall. Understanding each other pretty well. with or without words.

But that was the exact same thing that Nightmare despised. Loathing it so much as it allowed Dream to constantly attempt talking to him through their bond. Coaxing him to return, with words sweet as honey. Otherwise, on a daily basis- locating him. Albeit Nightmare always made a run for it, irritatingly enough leading to a huge wastage of energy.

It took Nightmare plenty of effort, excruciating painful attempts- day after day, to sever their ties. Dwindling the connection to a minimum, ensuring it won't ever work the way it used to. Making it harder for him to be located now that the both of them couldn't properly sense each other anymore. It was always disadvantageous for himself from the beginning anyways, 

 

If Nightmare still remained practically the same mentally, even after taking not one, but five of the apples of his own side. Then what even happened to Dream? Does the amount consumed affect those mentally and emotionally too, if it exceeds a certain amount? Do, the brother- his sibling, whom he used to have.. still exist...?

Baseless assumptions these all were, he had no means of checking nor anyone to ask. The twins were unique, different from the rest of those that resided within the Multiverse. Whilst their appearance were that of a skeleton monster, their actual physical form- were far different, however it ceased to exist long ago, as they have blended in perfectly with the vessel they were put into.

Harming or injuring them critically may end up permanently killing them. No matter if they're superior, godly beings whom were literal embodiments of both, positivity and negativity respectively. Created with the sole purpose to maintain the multiverse's balance stability, and ensure that everyone remains free from any possible calamity doomed to befall if the balance is tipped off far too much onto one end.

 

The outcome is presumed to be a sight of pure tragedy. 

 

This current.. branch-off from a universe's timeline, was neutral. Nearly completely empty if he had to roughly gauge the amount of souls that were present. Which were harder than expected, granted, because of his lack in energy and the fact that those living beings didn't have enough strong emotions of either sides for him to properly make a clear estimation of.

 

Grasping onto the front of his shirt, the apple-shaped soul within his ribcage throbbed. Pulsing against the delicate bones that encaged it, confined deep in the frail body.

 

Where even were the few residents that existed here? Surely there'd have already been one or two in sight, yet he had not managed to come across even one. Feeding into his loneliness, he desperately wanted to see a trace of soul yet also not at the same time. No one would want him, of all people around. That and his absolute lack of trust and faith in others were other issues to top off.

 

Even so, Nightmare craved some companionship. Anyone, someone—

 

He was never the type to take isolation well, clinging desperately onto what little bit of attention was given to him. Usually provided by his dearest twin, which was no longer an option, leaving him all alone, devoid of physical contact or any form of socializing—out of fear, paranoid that the one he talks to might be in cohorts with Dream… No. No, that isn't his brother anymore, not anymore. No longer is the bright, beautiful sunshine that lights up his day here.

He, it—whatever he became, is a shell of his former being. Now overtaken by this filthy, disgusting, horrible entity that enraptures anyone and everyone he comes across. Luring them in with the sweetest of words, into a false sense of security. Stripping them of their free will and identity, bound to an inescapable lifetime of servitude to the S A V I O R.

This was painful.

“Starlight!” A soft and warm voice called out, accompanied by quick footsteps. The young guardian turning around to face the direction of the noise, only to be met with a blur of yellow and white. Startling him, unable to react at all as a pair of arms wrapped itself around his shoulders and pulled him straight into an embrace..

“S-Sunshine!--- Sheesh, be careful!” Grumbling under his breath, and leaning back slightly to cast a sharp, disapproving glare up at his twin. The brilliant ray of sunshine that beamed with sheer joy and excitement, didn’t even flinch nor react to the stare.

“I can’t help it, can you really blame me, Nighty? It’s been houurrsssss!” Whining, Dream tightened his grip over the other. Pulling him even closer, the coldness from Nightmare blending perfectly with Dream’s warmth. Lulling the temperature into a comfortable level for both of them

How dramatic. Rolling his violet eyelights, he reached up and gently caressed the other’s strangely-soft cheekbone. Earning a content, happy noise from him- which turned to a startled yelp once Nightmare abruptly pinched and tugged at the cheek. All the while, grinning mischievously

“I’m pretty sure it wasn’t even that long, I’d reckon it to be around… uh-.. around…—” Voice trailing off, it’s only now that realization dawned on him that he did indeed lost track of time, the sun was already beginning to set. Huh? What did he even do the entire time before coming back to the tree?

“See! This is exactly what I mean, you don’t even remember how long it’s been since we were last split up from this morning!” Huffing, the bright guardian’s warm golden eyelights fixated itself on the opposing guardian’s chilling violet ones. Like two jigsaw puzzle pieces, each had traces of each other’s colour within it, that only shows upon the close proximity and emotional connection they shared- a mutual agreement from their bond.

A dazzling purple swirl making it’s way within Dream’s eyes, blending and mixing until it formed a symbol similar to a star within the middle. Topped off with a thin line on the inner edge. Whereas Nightmare, were the same except with a mesmerizing yellow moon.

“At this point I’m beginning to question if you prefer spending time with others over me! Given how you keep forgetting about me during your time in the village” Dream whined. Much like a child throwing a fit, though to be expected granted their age. Tilting his head away from the pinch, then leaning forward to rest their foreheads against each other.

“You know for a fact that’s not true. I’d pick you over everyone else, anytime.” Expression softening, Nightmare slowly reached his arms around Dream’s torso. Now returning the embrace, it’s soothing..

“...I know, sorry. I can’t- I just can’t help it.” Closing both sockets, Dream’s voice came out in a whisper. Tone shaky out of slight.. Fear. That one emotion being so dauntingly obvious to Nightmare, the negative feeling catching his attention immediately. Though before he could even address it, his attention drifted.

“Nighty?”

“Yeah?”

“----”

The sudden jerk of his body shifting forward as if he’s about to fall, shocked Nightmare out of his thoughts. Returning back to reality as he hurried backwards. Eyelight shrinking to a singular pinprick the moment his vision registered where exactly he was heading. It’s the edge of the cliff, had he been one second late to realize what’s going on. It’d spell his doom, plunging deep into the darkness underneath the snowy forest where- even he couldn’t see what lies below. The distance being too far down for him to properly gauge but, one thing for certain?

Falling was a high chance of death.

Horrifying.

Yet- selfish as it were, part of his mind were saying otherwise. Ridiculing him for reacting in a panic, that death would’ve been a much better choice. Far better than dragging out this pathetic life of his.

Truth be told? He didn’t disagree with those impulsive, irrationalities creeping in from every dark corners of his mind that he tries- time, and time again, to push aside. There haven’t been proper reasons for him to persist in continuing afterall.

He no longer have a home to return to, his brother is now.. Whatever he is, a forsaken damned monstrosity that takes on the hollow shell of his beloved, precious sibling.. Said entity constantly hunting him down, for the sole purpose of dragging him back to where he supposedly belongs- other than that, the extended reasons? Nightmare didn’t know, why, why do THAT thing consistently search for him? Having naught but assumptions and wild guesses to lead him by.

That being, the magic in his possession, brought forth by the apples he consumed. All of which were perfectly infused within his soul entirely by now. The last bits of negativity that ensures the multiverse don’t fall into the ruins of sheer, blinding positivity.

Having heard the disgusting coo’s directed at him as he ran, that overbearingly sweet voice which he once loved.

“My dearest Starlight!~ Come back, you can’t run forever!” Ugh, yuck.

Much like a prey that falls into a spiderweb, stuck to the sticky strings that weighs down heavily. Preventing any form of escape. These train of adverse thoughts were detrimental to declining his mental state.

“...Why must I keep trying..?-”

It’s tiring.

Dropping down to his knees, the tendrils on his back slowly curled around himself like a blanket. Not serving any purpose other than small amount of comfort, the frigid wind blowing past him. Coldness nipping at his bones through the fabrics of his clothes. As the day passes, his desire to be held– to be close with someone, cradled within their arms comfortably- increasingly got unbearable. Truly, desperately sought for even the faintest shred of hope yet were far too afraid to reach out for any.

“Why do I even bother?”

Not once have he ever felt safe, danger lurks everywhere. What might seem safe, could turn out to be the complete opposite.

He knew that from experience.

Closing his eyes and allowing darkness to consume the blurry vision he has, Nightmare could feel his mind gradually blanking out. Essentially halting any form of thoughts that tried to emerge, the despair invoked from the hopeless situation he’s been thrown into- slowly showing itself from how much of a toll it took on his near-unstable head. The weight of it all pressed down heavily, rendering everything meaningless.

One debilitating day after another, having zero purpose in life than to keep moving forward, run, scamper like an escapee..

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Perhaps, a long rest would be okay. A nice, lengthy nap- to escape from the burdens of reality.

An eternal.. Slumber.

Or so, that would have been his thoughts. If not for a sudden influx of negativity filling his senses. It was the first time in such a long period that he felt something this intensely. Every fiber of his being invaded by the surge in magic. Unexpected but not unwelcomed, his soul pulsing quicker, and quicker, greedily drawing in the negativity to sustain itself- the sensation was overwhelming, a heady mix of power and confusion. Causing him to reel back from the sheer dizziness, unaccustomed to being this ‘full’. A huge contrast to the empty hunger he had grown used to.

Help

Who was it?

Godithurtspleasemakeitstop

Who even are you?

Someoneanyonepleasehelpme

The fuzzy voice rang within his skull, instinctively holding both hands over the sides of his head in an attempt to ‘block out’ the noises. Proving to be plenty useless as that did nothing to lessen the invading sound that echoed from seemingly nowhere.

Whoever, or whatever, in this level of distress- had called out to him. Specifically him, strange.. Far beyond that, to the point it’s eerily unsettling.. Why? This has never happened before, so why? Why now, of all times when he was so close to giving up entirely? The timing was uncanny, almost as if the universe had conspired to keep him hanging on by a thread. Force something into his life which he wanted so dearly, right at the moment when he nearly let go. On the verge of embracing darkness.

Shouldn’t this desperate cry for help be heard by Dream instead, the very guardian beloved and adored by all. The literal beacon of light that shines down and grace the surrounding that he steps on. Yet, right now, the plea wasn’t directed to Dream. It was him, compelling Nightmare to respond. For the despondent cries, called out to him. So loud, too.. loud.

..Swallowing back a gulp of air, despite not needing to breathe. Wait..

If.. just maybe, if he can’t help himself out of this endless hell that forces him to be on the run daily. Maybe… just potentially, could he instead help this one desperate soul?

That abrupt idea was far-fetched and seemed almost stupid. Especially considering how badly he was struggling, how could he even fathom the concept of saving someone else- to possibly pull them out of the darkness, be their.. moon, within the darkened sky. Light up a new path, to provide them with hope, or a reason to keep going. Turn their life around.

At least, before the impulsive ideals gets deeply rooted within his mind, before he gave in and committed to the final decision of ending it all. Potentially, this one attempted act of compassion could allow him the slim opportunity to finally feel useful, helpful even if for just a brief moment. Just this one time.

This might be worth it, right? Though he doesn’t have any actual expectations, however, something within the back of his mind was screaming at him not to ignore the plea for help– that he’d deeply regret it if he turns his back on this very rare chance, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime situation. Or, ironically enough, once in a blue moon.

While Nightmare weren’t the greatest at assisting someone out of a dark place, as proven by his own predicament. Nor can he claim to be a bright and wonderful as his twin, but, surely he’s capable of at least.. Lending just one person a hand. It’s only ONE person. There likely wouldn’t be a second chance like this granted.

At the same time, selfish as it were. He hoped, prayed internally that this time. Perhaps, he could have a lasting companion. No matter the duration, he’s recovered enough to muster some ounce of magic to utilize to his advantage afterall. That all aside? It was unfair, really. Dream, he had others by his side. Not only that, but a selective few that were closer to him than most others. So.. if THAT thing masquerading as his brother. The guardian of positivity, could gather a group of his own. Why can’t Nightmare?

Why can’t he do the same? To have one, or two- if lucky enough, assuming the ones he come across that cries for help.. Is.. trustworthy. Unlikely, that’s for certain. Those that were this far tainted to the point that they’re able to fill him to the brim, definitely have issues. A extreme and severe issue, does it matter? Perhaps, he’ll be careful. That’s for sure.

There won’t be a second time where he lets down his guard. 

Nonetheless, practically being offered a dish, laid out perfectly on a table which he could either, accept or refuse.

He’d be a fool to not take it.

Without needing to reconsider twice, and also pushed on by the consistent urges repeating in the back of his mind. He steeled himself for the possibilities of failing, knowing full well it wasn’t going to be a guaranteed success.

When was the last time Nightmare actually communicated with someone anyways? Hell if he know. Although, with his capability to sense one’s emotions and his keen observation. Combining it both and playing things safely, calculating every single possibilities, could have a tiny glimpse of hope for the situation to turn out favorably.

Greedy as it is, the flame that died out, reignited itself again. If he couldn’t save his own twin, he can try harder to save this person. Whoever they are, by any means possible.

No matter the cost.

There’s nothing for Nightmare to lose at the end of the day.

Getting up onto his feet, with his hands pushing against the ground whilst the tendrils shifted to it’s original position behind his back. Nightmare raised a hand out infront of him to conjure a purple vortex of magic, swirling luminously and casting a radiant shine within the surrounding. Surprising even himself, not expecting to have that much energy, Nor enough magic within his reserve to pull off something like that, portals were usually so much smaller and less.. Flashy. This is gonna be an issue he has to deal with later on, the fluctuation in negativity had given him a huge boost that he wasn’t accustomed to.

Unexpected, but greatly appreciated. At the same time, concerningly shuddersome. Mildly dreading the hell that he’d witness, especially one capable of providing this heavy amount of negativity. None of the other horrific sights engraved within his mind supplied this much.

“Alright, you can do this. Night.” Quietly encouraging himself, he took a step forward and entered the gateway he manifested. It fading and closing with a burst of magic after he’s fully through to the other side.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I started doing sex work while still living with my mom?

Warning for sexual mentions(nothing heavily explicit though)

I (18F) can't get a typical job like working in customer service or physical labor because of a mix of reasons. I'm both physically and mentally disabled, for one. I have chronic pain & chronic fatigue so extensive physical labor or any job that requires being up for a long time is out of the question for me, as it would cause me a lot of pain and put me at risk for collapsing or falling asleep due to exhaustion. I also have heavy social anxiety and sensory issues, and despite being in therapy since I was around 11, this hasn't gone away. I still have problems with stuttering when talking to people I don't know, and feel on the verge of panic the entire time. I also can't handle loud noises well- I carry around a pair of headphones constantly but that does mess with my hearing so I couldn't really use those in a customer service focused environment. I'm a full time student as well, and will be for several more years, as I'm going straight into college out of high school. On top of all that, I can't drive yet, as the process was delayed due to concerns that my health issues would make me a hazard on the road, so I won't have my full license until late this year.

I've tried looking for other job types before, but nothing I've been able to find works. I've tried doing art, but it's not easy to get people to actually commission you- I've only gotten 1 so far and I've had commissions open for almost half a year. I've tried content creation but have yet to build a platform big enough to make money from it. I've looked for online focused jobs such as creating captions or proof-reading others work but realized very quickly I'm not equipped/qualified for that job due to my problems with processing audio correctly, and my problems reading and writing correctly first try- I often have to re-read things many times over and re-type things at least once to get it at all correct, as words and letters get mixed up in my brain sometimes or I just accidentally skip over entire words or even sentences. And even then I sometimes still get it wrong. So I'm a pretty slow worker with things like reading, and something that requires listening to something and then writing what was said took so long it wouldn't meet the time requirements a lot of places are looking for in workers for that (that I've seen).

So the only idea I have left for making money so I at least have something to help pay for college and to go towards me being able to move out someday is some sort of sex work. I'm not planning on doing anything super risky, like meeting up with real people or anything that would show my face. So I wouldn't be worried about this bothering my mom since she's not really sex negative or strictly against sex workers or anything if it wasn't for one thing. I'm not sure if this will work either. I have a lot of acne problems all over, and problems with picking at my skin that leave scratch marks in a lot of places. And I'm not sure anyone would be willing to pay to look at that. It's not something that bothers me on an individual level, it's just a part of me, but that doesn't really change what other people do or don't find attractive. So it just kind of feels disrespectful to be selling that kind of thing in my mothers house if it's not even going to be significant enough for it to matter financially. And, of course, there's always the risk my mom could see it, and I worry it would upset her to see her daughter selling that kind of thing. But I don't see other options left for how I could make enough money to not end up drowning in student loans down the line, or end up living with my mom for many years into adulthood- which wouldn't be fair to her since she's not financially well off either. I don't plan for it to be a permanent job, just something to help me through my college years till I can start working in the field for what I'm getting a degree in or until my issues get well enough I can work a more typical job.

WIBTA?

What are these acronyms?

[astrophileous]

Love Bugs (Pt. 03)

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Female Reader

Synopsis: You and Derek Morgan have an arrangement. At work, your relationship is strictly business. Under the sheets, it's all about pleasure. Nothing more, nothing less. Until, of course, your feelings start to get involved. Your situation is complicated enough without the unexpexted predicament that suddenly befalls upon you. But with a maniac serial killer on the loose, will you ever get the chance to make everything right?

Warning(s): pregnancy, brief talk of abortion, stalker behavior, kidnapping, curse words (this shouldn't even warrant a warning at this point lol) pls lmk if I miss anything

Word Count: 2000-ish

Author's Note: told ya the pt 3 would be here sooner than you'd expect! as always, LIKE+COMMENT+REBLOG cause these give me the motivation I need to finish the parts sooner and maybe upload more frequently 👀

Love Bugs Masterlist / Criminal Minds Masterlist

You always took pride in your ability to predict things correctly. It was one of the best traits that made you a great profiler.

Not this time, though.

This time, your ability to conjure correct predictions just seemed like a big joke that the universe purposefully played out to torture your ass.

The ringtone of your phone's incoming call snapped you back to reality. Without looking at the caller ID, you pressed the green button and brought the device to your ear.

"(Y/L/N) speaking."

"Hey, Beets. Where are you?" came the voice of one Penelope Garcia. "Hotch is looking for you. Are you coming in today?"

"Huh? Yeah, I'm coming in. Sorry, it was an emergency. Tell the others I'll be there shortly."

After ending the call, you rushed through the rest of your morning routine as quickly as possible. The three opened boxes on the bathroom sink were thrown into the garbage can in no time. Their contents sitting on the counter, however, required you to pause and contemplate what course of actions you would want to do to deal with the problem at hand.

Upon realizing that this was not the kind of dilemma you could solve in a matter of minutes, you decided to fuck it before dumping the items into the same garbage can.

The three tests with two little pink lines would have to wait.

You had a serial murder case to solve.

If five months ago someone had told you that you'd someday end up carrying the child of Derek Morgan, you would have ordered a psychological evaluation for them right then and there.

The past few days had been a catastrophic turmoil. At first, the irrational anger had devoured you whole. You were this close to calling the company who produced your pills for claiming that they had 99% chance of preventing exactly the kind of mess you were going through from happening. Granted, they had put the minus 1% up there to save face in case anything like this were to ever happen. But what were the chances of you being one of the outliers in that small percentage?

Apparently, a pretty good one.

Then, the panic quickly had taken control and messed up with your head. The endless anxiety of having to bring a child into such a cruel world and bearing the responsibility of raising it, while having witnessed what kind of evil lurked underneath its facade, almost threw you to the brink of insanity. During those moments of fear, you had even entertained the idea of possibly terminating the pregnancy, even going as far as calling the nearest facility to question more about the procedure.

But once the fog had cleared, and you were able to start thinking rationally again, realization soon dawned upon you.

You wanted to keep the baby.

In some curious plot twist, you discovered that the idea of having this baby wasn't as scary as the knowledge of having to face Derek and inform him of the news.

And that was exactly what had been occupying your entire mind: how to break the news to Derek.

You barely even had the guts to talk to him directly anymore. Yet somehow, you had to find a way to tell him that you were pregnant, right to his face, as if you were bringing the news of a new movie that had just premiered in your nearest local theater.

How the hell were you ever going to do that?

And it wasn't like you were worried that Derek wouldn't be supportive about your decision to keep the baby. Even if he was unsupportive, there was nothing he could do to persuade you to change your mind. But Derek--sweet and kindhearted Derek--would never do such a thing. Having lost his father at a very young age himself, there was no way anyone could keep him from taking care of his child, no matter how they came to be in this world.

So, before you could gather your thoughts--and yourself--you had decided to put off telling Derek about your current condition.

"Still nothing, Garcia?" Hotch asked from his place in front of the board.

"I'm so sorry, sir. I've tried everything, but there was nothing else I could uncover from that tape."

The rest of the team was seated around the round table. It had been two weeks since the BAU received the video tape from the UnSub, and Garcia had finally revealed that there was nothing more to be analyzed from the tape despite having only obtained insignificant details out of it.

It also didn't help that the UnSub had been lying dormant since that video was delivered.

"It just doesn't make sense," Rossi said frustratedly. "Why would he stop now? What is he waiting for? This guy gets off on attention. Stopping his theatrics at a time like this doesn't fit his profile at all."

"He must be looking to get his attention from somewhere else," Derek chimed in.

"Yeah, but the question is where?" Reid interjected.

"And what is he planning to do to make sure he gets it?" Hotch let out a long sigh before pinching the bridge of his nose. "Alright, we're not going to stop just because this guy has. Emily, JJ, try interviewing the victims' families, friends, and the witnesses again. See if they suddenly have something useful for us. Morgan and Rossi, follow up on our other leads. Reid--"

"The case files. I know." Reid nodded.

"Right. And (Y/L/N)--" Hotch pinned his stare towards you, "--I need to talk to you. Thank you, everyone. Dismissed."

"Are you in trouble?" Emily leaned in as the rest of the team scattered out of the room.

"Not as far as I know," you whispered.

As you walked the path to Hotch's office, your mind began searching for the possibilities behind Hotch's sudden request to see you privately. You didn't get to guess for too long, though, as you finally arrived in front of his door almost in no time at all.

"Come on in, Agent. Close the door behind you," he commanded. You turned around to nudge the door closed. "Have a seat."

You didn't spend any time beating around the bush once you had sat down.

"Can I ask what this is about?"

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" Hotch looked at you with a raised eyebrow. "I heard you requested a half day off today."

"I, uh... yes. Yes, I did. Is that why I'm here?"

"No. That is not why you're here." Hotch leaned back against his seat. "You've been distracted lately. You're coming late to work, and you can't seem to focus when you're around."

"I-I'm sorry, sir. It won't happen again."

"You should know that I've received concerns about you from the other members of the team."

What?

"Was it JJ?" you asked. "Because if this is about what happened in the bathroom--"

"It was Garcia, actually."

"Oh."

Hotch looked at you curiously. "What happened with JJ in the bathroom?"

"Nothing, sir. It was nothing."

The next few seconds were drowned in silence. The ticking clock on Hotch's desk became the only sound echoing against the walls. Hotch was examining you as if you were a suspect in the interrogation room, and with how much scrutiny was sizzling inside those eyes, you might as well have been.

"They're not the only ones concerned about you, (Y/L/N)," he spoke carefully. "I've also noticed that you haven't been yourself lately. You seem tired all the time. You look paler every single day." Hotch readjusted his tie before continuing, "I know that what we do here isn't easy. This job, it's not for everyone. Sometimes our limits are much smaller than what we thought it would be, and that's okay. If you'd like to put in a request for a transfer, I'm sure I will be able--"

"Sir," you stopped him before he could go on any further. "I don't want to transfer. I like working here."

"Just because you like working somewhere, it doesn't mean--"

"Hotch," you cut him off once more. "I'm pregnant."

The priceless look on Hotch's face at the sudden drop of your announcement would forever be ingrained in your brain.

"What?"

"I found out two weeks ago." You smiled tentatively. "I've been having severe morning sickness, and my appetite has also not been the best. Probably why I look tired all the time. I didn't mean to let my condition affect my work, I'm sorry."

"No, no. That's... wow. You're pregnant." Hotch started to nod as if the news was just beginning to fully settle upon him. "Congratulations, Agent. That's wonderful news. You are... happy, right?"

You smiled at his considerate question. "I am very much. Yes."

"How far along are you?"

"My guess is eight to ten weeks. I'm not so sure. Today is my first ultrasound, hence why I requested for half a day."

And then, by some unknown piece of miracle, Aaron Hotchner started to laugh. A real, actual laugh that had both of his eyes wrinkling in the corners. You didn't even know that he could do that without Jack around.

"When I called you in here earlier, this isn't exactly how I pictured the conversation would go," he admitted.

"Neither did I."

"Well--" He cleared his throat, "--there's, of course, a few things we need to go over in rumination of your current condition, but I'm sure we can manage that some other time."

"Of course, sir."

"And (Y/L/N)?" You stared at him expectantly. "You can come to me if you ever need anything. You know that, right?"

The sincerity in Hotch's declaration nearly brought you to tears. You immediately tried to blink back the emotions before you could make a mess of yourself in front of your boss.

"Of course, Hotch. Thank you."

You got up from the chair and began walking towards the door. Before your fingers could touch the handle, you decided to turn around once more.

"Hotch?"

"Yes?"

"I would appreciate it if we kept this between us for now."

"Of course, Agent." He nodded. "You have my word."

And with that, you exited Hotch's room before heading back straight to your desk.

A few hours later, you were finally returning home after attending the doctor appointment.

Confirming your earlier prediction, the doctor had put the estimated age of your fetus at around ten weeks. According to the internet, your baby was not larger than the size of a mere apricot. It was nothing more than a tiny blob in the sonogram image, but the sight of it alone somehow made you want to break down in tears.

Before you could turn into a sobbing ball of mess, you decided to put the picture right on the front of your fridge.

"Alright, I think that's--"

Thud.

Your head instinctively whipped around at the mysterious sound.

Without wasting another second, your hand immediately reached for the gun tucked safely in your holster. The tiny footsteps you took sounded deafening in the silence of your apartment. You first checked the bathroom, finding it empty with nothing out of the ordinary. The two bedrooms were pretty much the same. Quiet and a little messy just the way that you had left them that morning.

Sighing, you brushed off your paranoia as a result of your overactive hormons and creeping exhaustion.

When you reemerged from taking a shower nearly an hour later, the feeling of dread once again washed over your entire being.

At first glance, not a single thing in the apartment seemed to be out of place. But somehow, the feeling of another presence in the room was indisputable. Your wet feet slowly moved along the floor, careful as to not make as much sound as possible.

Once you arrived in the kitchen, you took in your surrounding, making sure that things really were staying in the places they should have been in.

You were about to sigh in relief until you saw it.

The sonogram image you previously had glued to the fridge.

It was now lying on the floor.

Before you could have a chance to grab the nearest weapon, the door to the second bedroom behind you suddenly began to creak.

"Boo."

That was the last thing you remembered before everything went dark.

[actualori]

wrote a little fanfic based off a headcanon discussed in the flower husbands discord

summary: scott and jimmy have known each other for years but have never seen each others faces. they both had been mandated to wear veils to cover them, up until today

content warnings: low self esteem and highly negative view on self image, slight panic attacks, and a lot of spiralling

Jimmy’s heart was about to pound right out of his chest. Today’s the day. He’s been waiting for this ever since he’d started dating Scott. The day that’s been carefully planned out by so many different people, none of which being him. The day that’ll determine the course of their relationship forever.

They could finally take their veils off.

Veils were significant in both their cultures. For Jimmy, it was a symbol of honesty. Lovers wore veils throughout their whole relationship to ensure their partner would fall in love with them for who they are, and not how they look. For Scott, it was a symbol of purity. Elves are highly religious, and most forms of intimacy early in a relationship are strictly forbidden. Ancient priests had mandated veils to try and prevent it. Much to their dismay, the procedure was ineffective and as a result, the veils became optional, save for royalty.

(Rumour has it that their beauty is so unreal it’s terrifying. Scott had just laughed when Jimmy brought that up.)

So here Jimmy was, sitting anxiously on a chair waiting for his lover, having no idea what to expect. Scott had tried and failed to describe his face to Jimmy countless times before, every painting he’d seen of the elf looked different than the last, and all witnesses of his beauty could only claim his beauty was extraordinary and unmatched.

Jimmy shot up at the knock from the door. He adjusted his veil, strode over to the door, and swung it open. Scott stood on the other side, anxiously wringing his hands together. At least Jimmy wasn’t the only one nervous.

“Are you ready?” Scott asked after what felt like years of awkward silence.

Jimmy nodded and stepped back, allowing Scott to enter the room.

“Where do you want to be?” Scott asked.

Not trusting his voice to be steady when he spoke, Jimmy pointed to his bed. They settled on Jimmy’s bed, with Scott kneeling at the end and Jimmy squished into the pillows. He ran his fingers along the smooth sheets to ground himself and took a deep breath.

“We don’t have to do this,” Scott whispered, sensing Jimmy’s anxiety.

Yes, they do. They have to do this today. Jimmy wishes they didn’t- the thought of showing anyone his face makes him want to vomit. But he can’t say no, he’s not allowed to refuse. And even then, Scott’s been looking forward to this day for their entire relationship. Jimmy couldn’t rob him of this.

And there’s some small part of him that aches for this, just as much as Scott.

“No no,” Jimmy lied, shaking his head. “I want to. I’m just nervous.”

“Do you want me to go first?” Scott asked slowly, taking Jimmy’s hand and rubbing his thumb along his scales.

“Please,” Jimmy whispered, barely audible.

After taking a deep breath of his own, Scott let go of Jimmy’s hand and brought it up to his veil.

Jimmy watched, entranced as Scott’s perfectly manicured hands unpinned the veil from his clothes. His breath hitched as the fingers disappeared under the white cloth. And in what felt like slow motion, the veil slipped off Scott’s face.

Scott is beautiful. Gorgeous. The rumors were correct. This was a type of beauty no painting could ever translate and no words could describe. Ice blue eyes gazed into Jimmy’s brown and plump pink lips turned up in a nervous smile. Pale skin and rosy cheeks matched his delicate hands, that clutched the discarded veil. Jimmy knew he was gawking but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from his lover's face.

A cold realization flooded Jimmy’s body. How on earth could Jimmy compare to that? Scott was a literal goddess on Earth and Jimmy was, well, a fish. Cod weren’t known for many things, and beauty definitely wasn’t one. Even then, Jimmy looked a lot more fish-like than the other Cod, something he’d always been insecure about, and wearing a veil effectively hid it away.

His eyes were wide and far apart with a small smooth nose between them. His lips were thin and his mouth was wide. Hundreds of green and brown scales covered his cheeks and forehead, save for the small space reserved for his gills.

Nothing about that anybody had seen as beautiful.

“Are you okay?” Scott murmured, reaching over to hold Jimmy’s hand again.

“You’re beautiful,” Was all Jimmy could muster for a response.

Scott laughed softly. “That’s what I’ve been told. Are you okay with taking off yours now?”

Jimmy squeezed his eyes shut and tried to calm his racing heart. After a minute of shallow breaths, he nodded his head.

It felt so surreal watching his free hand lift up to his face. He felt detached from his body as his fingers unclasped the veil. There was no chance Scott would love him after this. He deserved someone much better. Glancing up, Jimmy saw Scott’s soft and understanding smile.

Well, it's better to get dumped now than later.

Mustering up all the strength he could, Jimmy ripped the veil off his face. A surprised gasp was heard from across the bed. Jimmy stared hard at the intricate blankets, convinced this was the last he’d see them. This was probably the last time he’d see any of this room, palace, or any of Rivendell.

Hot tears slipped down his cheeks. It was over. A whole year, the best year of his life, gone. The constant love and affection he’d received, now surely about to be taken away.

“Jimmy? What’s wrong?” Scott asked worried, his voice barely reaching Jimmy’s ears.

He is ugly. He is so ugly. He’s hideous and Scott is gorgeous and doesn’t deserve someone so atrocious.

The tears escalated into sobs. Jimmy’s hands ripped out of Scott's, earning a cry of concern. Shudders wracked through his whole body and he curled into a ball. This was a bad idea. Why did he think he could do this? Why did he think this would ever work?

Cold hands reached into his cocoon of despair and were immediately swatted away. Scott’s panicked shouts sounded from a million miles away.

It was over it was over it was-

Comforting arms wrapped around him. Jimmy’s sobs paused as his body was pulled into his lover's lap, kept in a secure embrace.

“Jimmy,” Scott whispered into Jimmy’s hair “Why are you crying?”

Scott’s voice was gentle and sympathetic. Shouldn’t he be yelling at Jimmy? Shouldn’t he be insulting and berating him? This didn’t make any sense.

Jimmy dared to look up and was met with a face full of worry and fear.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m ugly,” Was all Jimmy could say.

Concern morphed into confusion as Scott glanced over Jimmy’s face.

“Ugly?”

Jimmy nodded. “You’re so pretty and I’m not and now you’re going to leave me forever.”

To Jimmy’s surprise, a soft laugh sounded from his lover.

“Petal,” Scott smiled “My beauty is rotten compared to yours.”

What?

Jimmy shifted in Scott’s lap and faced him properly.

“You really think so?” He whispered in disbelief.

“I know so,” Scott replied, pressing his forehead against Jimmy’s. “You’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. Why would I ever think otherwise?”

“Because… I look… weird?” Jimmy guessed

Giggles erupted from Scott. “So? I would never leave you for looking weird.”

Embarrassment crept through Jimmy, turning his face red. He groaned and flopped his head on Scott’s shoulder.

“I feel silly now,” Jimmy said, muffled in the fabric.

Scott hummed, reaching up to card his fingers through Jimmy’s hair. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m sorry,” Jimmy whispered, shifting his head to face Scott. “I was scared to take off my veil because I thought that you were going to hate me for being ugly. I overreacted a lot and you didn’t deserve that.”

“Thank you for the apology,” Scott cupped Jimmy’s face in his hands. “I promise I will never hate you for how you look. And I’m sorry for pressuring you to do this with me.”

“I’m glad you did,” Jimmy sniffled, “I feel a lot better about myself now.”

“That’s wonderful to hear,” Scott murmured as he pressed a soft kiss to Jimmy’s head. “Do you want to put your veil back on?”

“No. I’m okay now.”

“If you change your mind I promise I won’t judge you.”

Jimmy wiped his eyes and sighed. “I love you petal.”

“I love you too.”

[hilsonapologist]

the books take great pains to frame farrier and torrinde as foils and irreconcilable opposites that represent the great nature vs nurture debate and only one can win or whatever and thats fine it makes sense within the context of the story but what the text oddly seems to not want to consider is that they might be one and the same. obviously their goal is the same but functionally there is almost no discernible difference between their methods either

tain shir and baru and all the other young girls farrier has tried to mould were just his version of the clarified. torrinde himself wasnt able to obtain his desired subjects thorough "breeding" alone, requiring such extensive conditioning to create the clarified that it was arguably more extreme than farrier's way of doing the same thing via the school system. and they both see this conditioning as static, unmoving once its taken root- unable to fathom that time and experience can change behaviour and cognition.

one major goal of the books in my opinion, and which it does achieve, is to show that neither torrinde or farrier are actually right. this is kinda obvious; they're both raging racists. they both believe in racial hierarchies based on "desirable" and "undesirable" racial traits- and they are indeed always considered racial traits, regardless of whether they attribute the source to the flesh or the mind. it is seen as a flaw of an entire race which can only be removed by removing the culture in which that race lives.

both of them see the family as a weapon of enforcement. like, both torrinde's eugenics and farrier's conditioning can only be successful if the people created by them then go on to partake in strictly dictated "hygienic" family structures and raise their children to emulate the same behaviours as them. even if torrinde is proven right, farrier's schools would still need to exist to begin inducing desirable characteristics that can then be bred down to future generations. even if farrier is right, his method would require a genetic family system to maintain the strength of his conditioning.

the fact that they're both expected to necessarily prove their ideology in a way that is executable on a large scale betrays the fact that this supposed race is just a ruse. maybe torrinde and farrier don't even realise that the real goal is in all likelihood to combine their methods to create a permanent underclass of people for the empire to generate profit from without being too expensive to keep in control- the entire thing is just a veneer for an underlying imperialist plot.

it wouldn't even prove whose hypothesis was correct- neither of them is following the experimental method after all, despite the concept of trial and control groups existing in the world of the story. it would prove simply who was able to enforce their oppressive ideology more successfully and efficiently while hiding or minimising the "failures".

[lady-raziel]

'canon isn't real' the thing is though that it literally is? I get what you're saying but like. it's still real.

I think what the critical underpinning of what I mean by “canon isn’t real” specifically in the case of Fallout is that it’s not inherently a clean cut case like some other media franchises. In cases where a particular universe has one main creator who has retained and exercised creative ownership over the story, it’s much easier to say “this is what the facts of the story are based on what is explicitly depicted in writing/on screen/etc. and ‘word of god’ additions by the author if you decide to count that.” The more people that are involved in creatively contributing to a story, the more difficult this gets. It becomes SIGNIFICANTLY more complicated if a franchise changes hands and later contributors decide to pick and choose what THEY believe to be the established events of the universe. In these cases, who do you choose to trust as the decisive source of what “canon” is? Is it the original creator above all others, or only the current owner of the property? What happens if the property changes hands multiple times and none of the owners agree on what installments are the “real” ones? What happens if the franchise changes creative control again and they decide something entirely different—are fans to simply take their word for it even if it means the additions to the universe that caused them to fall in love with it in the first place are disregarded?

In the end, all these questions apply to the Fallout franchise in both the past and going forward. I think, for me, it’s a problem of who can and should decide what matters to a story universe—the individual fans who invest their attention to a property, or whomever has a legal document that says they own the copyright (especially if it is not the original creator). This is even more important for interactive entertainment where there is no one set ending or way of completing the elements of the story in the exact same way as someone else.

In the post that this ask is referring to, the main point that I wanted to get across is that you shouldn’t let whoever is, on paper, “in charge” of the story determine why YOU like it. If not strictly viewing events through the lens that the current owner of the property says is the correct interpretation brings you enhanced enjoyment of the story, then THAT is more important.

To sum up, I would ask you to consider who’s word you’re trusting on what is canon and why, with the knowledge that there are many conflicting opinions and that what is canon now could almost certainly change in the future.

[mdhwrites]

The Point of Asking How Bad a Parent Odalia is

My last blog was asking this question. However, with many of the responses I got, I feel like I failed to articulate the why for that question. The importance of it and I answered and then deleted an ask that gave me a chance to answer that because it ended up muddying the point by being a response. So, here it is:

If you cannot understand cultural perspective in fiction, how do you ever write a convincing world that is anything other than our own?

Most of Odalia's actions are deplorable... By our standards and sensibilities. When taken out of context. The problem is that unless a work is ENTIRELY allegorical, and incredibly smart with those allegories, that approach never works. In fact, the most effective speculative fiction takes the context of the world they've made and uses it to AMPLIFY the point they're making. To further reinforce the concepts they're going for. As such, questioning if someone who is framed as evil within a text whether they would be actually evil by the merits of their society is kind of important because that contrast can say a lot.

In TOH's case, this never coalesces into anything. Odalia being a good parent from the perspective of not wanting her child to be a criminal and so not wanting her to interact with rulebreakers or literal criminals... It doesn't say anything. After all, it's not like the rules dictate you must let someone else die or must be cruel. No, the rules they're breaking are things like "You need to be registered with the state," and "Don't skip class." I'm sorry but that isn't extreme in any way? Not unless we're supposed to just coddle people who don't want to participate in society and ignore them ignoring their social obligations? Like the coven system is the Isle's ONE real law and the covens aren't even jobs. You are beholden to no one getting a coven sigil because you still have to go get a job. It's like saying requiring citizenship in ANY country is bad because it holds you accountable to anyone. Because someone is placing any sort of restriction on you. That... That's a pretty shitty theme.

And it IS a theme. It's why the show essentially claims Camila to be a bad parent until For the Future. She renounces her ONE time that she ever held Luz back from being full force her and the audience, and Luz, are meant to cheer for this. That this is taking away some cardinal sin when, and this is in our context because it's supposedly Earth, the reason Luz was sent to Summer Camp, to make friends, was:

She brought a BOMB to school in the form of fireworks, which is against the rules, if not law, in any school, especially without advance permission.

She assaulted people with wild animals she could not control which is a crime literally anywhere.

She brought live, WILD. ANIMALS. into a school without permission, nor without a way to control them and keep others safe which is again, in most circumstances, a crime. And she does this one TWICE. Explicitly.

She is not sent to Juvy, or military camp or ANY sort of real correctional facility. She is sent to a life skills camp instead. Not a conversion camp of any sort, just one meant to teach her basic necessities of being an adult someday, something a lot of people actually argue should be a regular part of school curriculum for good reason. And this, THIS, was her going too far as a parent.

All Odalia being the worst parent ever is further reinforcement of a theme that claims being a parent is a bad thing. Flatly. If you are doing more than strictly keeping your child alive, you are a bad parent. I'm sorry but that feels really bad and like a pretty shitty theme if you ask me. It honest to god, more so proponents that neglect is good. Give them a room, give them access to food, then fuck off. That's... That's not what 99% of kids want from a parent. They want an actual parent. I mean, it even understands this with Reaching Out but even then, the final agreement is "I won't tell you what to do ever and when you want me, I will be available." Parents are more than just toys for their kids. I'm sorry to anyone who's finding this out now somehow. They are meant to teach you morals, how to interact with society, to prepare you for your future, etc. like that. They are also there to take care of you but they are not strictly your friends because they're there to help you improve to be a better person, much like how a therapist isn't your friend. This is a LARGE part of why parenting is so difficult.

To simplify it in the way so many lazy analysts do by going "X person was mean so they're abusive," is... Dumb. And bad. And helps no one. It also breaks your fantasy worlds so maybe try a little harder? Or just keep using buzzwords. It is the easier way to do it.

See you next tale.

======+++++======

The ask that brought this about mentioned Mother Gothel like Odalia and Gothel are even comparable in their writing which... No. Mother Gothel is praised for good reason because she 1000%, in universe and out, is abusive. Period. In every possible way, including Rapunzel's reactions about her.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

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[prince-liest]

Hi! About your staticradio series (which is PHENOMENAL omg😍) - I know you said Vox is kinda falling in love while Al will remain aro. Which is awesome, we love to see rep! But I'm wondering if they will end up as QPPs (who fuck, lol)? Or it'll strictly be FWBs? Gah it's diffifult to describe it bc labels are so subjective and often too limiting, but I guess what I'm asking is whether they'll have an emotional relationship too, however it might look with their orientations? Will Al in particular have any soft feels for Vox & be fond of their unique bond? Even if Vox is in love with him when Al himself isn't? (I worry that would scare Al away😭) An intimate emotional closeness regardless of the specifics?

Thank you so much!! I've been enjoying writing it enormously so it always brings me a lot of joy that other folks are, too. >:D Just a heads up, this post has turned a little long because it got me talking about Alastor and the way he handles his feelings vs his ego in general.

First: I think the answer to this depends fully on how you personally define a queerplatonic partnership! I don't think Alastor would ever go for, like, a committed relationship with Vox in any form, but I also don't think that this would necessarily be a sad state of affairs for Vox, who I obviously write as poly as fuck with his toxic yaoi husband. Maybe it's because I'm aro af, but I feel like from Vox's end, "Yeah, I get to fuck around with the guy I'm obsessed with and he's not, like, nice, but I think I Stockholmed him into giving a shit about me!" is not actually a state of affairs he'd dislike! Especially since it's got that shiny "I'm special!" vibe in the sense that Nobody Else Gets To Get This Far With Alastor.

As for Alastor's side of things...

I think that so much of their dynamic dynamic isn't just set by Alastor being aroace, it's also set by him being a fucking sadist and a narcissist, HAHA. Like, he is very much in the middle of developing feelings about Vox, which (if my favorite interpretation of his little breakdown in the finale is correct) is also where his character arc is heading with regards to the hotel crew in canon, too, but his friendship-and-trust arc is slowburn as all hell and not entirely linear.

Part of the fun in writing Alastor is the process of qualifying all of his feelings with his sense of superiority in a way that is protective of his ego. He is freely and openly fond of people when that fondness doesn't expose any kind of emotional vulnerability in him. For example: He feels a condescending but genuine fondness for Niffty and Mimzy, whom he protects, and that's safe! He's quirky friends with Rosy, who is a benevolent semi-equal who uplifts his ego, and that's safe! He... may or may not have started caring enough about the hotel crew to have put himself at risk for them, and that is not only dangerous to his physical well-being but also massively humiliating, which is arguably worse to someone like Alastor.

He has SO many ego-prioritizing defense mechanisms and it's fun for me to pay attention to because I, too, am someone whose cardinal sin is probably pride. Anything is permissible only as long as it can be framed in a way that doesn't insult his ego.

Anyway, the point is: I don't think "soft feels and fondness for their unique bond" is on the list of ways that Alastor is able to find himself feeling about someone like Vox. The whole reason their whole situation in 666: Live on Air! started is thanks to Alastor's awareness and amusement at how obsessed Vox is with him. He sees himself as above Vox, and knowing that Vox is more emotionally invested than he is is part of the appeal. It's just gone from (derogatory) to (fond). (Which is, guess what? Safe!)

(It also means realizing that Vox is falling madly in love or whatever just nets a reaction somewhere in the region of, "Wait, is that significantly different from what you were already doing?", lol, because the only thing that's changed is the flavor of feeling, not the level of exposed emotional underbelly that he thinks Vox is showing him.)

TL;DR: He likes Vox like a cat likes a favorite mouse.

[aroaceleovaldez]

i hope this doesn't sound like a silly or weird thing to send you, but i'm autistic and have long thought of nico and a handful of other riordanverse characters as autistic and i love your posts about why nico in particular seems intentionally autistic-coded. but i've been thinking, if rick did intend for any of his characters to be autistic, why wouldn't he say so outside of the text at least? i can't think of a good reason why not, when he goes out of his way to be explicit about so many other characters' various marginalized identities and has confirmed things like reyna being asexual outside of the original text. so it gives me this nagging sort of doubt that maybe rick just made nico come off as so extremely autistic coded by accident, somehow. if it wasn't an accident i do kind of wish he'd say so because there's next to zero explicitly stated autistic representation in, like, any media so it'd be nice to have here even if not strictly necessary. either way though, like i said, i love your posts and i agree with you 100% about autistic nico! some others i like to think are autistic are annabeth and leo.

(Most of this is gonna be kind of a tangential ramble to your point and i apologize in advance just bear with me)

This actually touches upon something I've been meaning to do a write-up on recently, which is: depending on the coding, that is our explicit statement. In most coding, actually, that's kind of the point. (Also something something Death of the Author.)

You may have noticed a recent trend across media of characters saying things directly rather than expressing them in a natural way, and often this includes incredibly stilted dialogue of characters explaining things in very politically correct, wikipedia-esque descriptions and terminology that make absolutely no sense for the characters' personalities or mannerisms. This is born out of the idea that if something is not stated in explicit terms, no amount of evidence below an outright direct exact statement will ever count - if two characters of the same gender have an explicit kiss and wedding on-screen, it doesn't matter because they never said the word "gay," etc etc.

In PJO, prior to more recent books, we get plenty of examples of characters explaining parts of their identities without direct statements. Percy never needs to say in outright terms that he has PTSD from Gabe - and it doesn't make sense that he would! He's 12! He's never been diagnosed for that. He probably doesn't even know what PTSD is really. But we, the audience, know without a doubt he has PTSD, because it is clearly expressed to us. That is coding. Tyson is coded as having down syndrome. Nico is coded as being autistic. It doesn't make sense for Nico to turn to the camera and explain that he's autistic and what that means, because he definitely never got diagnosed for it and probably doesn't know what that means cause the diagnosis literally did not exist when he was growing up - and heck, autism terminology was still kind of getting sorted out back in 2007 when TTC was published, so it's unlikely we could have feasibly gotten any exact terminology wink-wink-nudge-nudges short of something like how Percy outright mentions other students called Tyson the r-slur in Sea of Monsters. And in fact we see that same exact style of coding with Nico later on in the series. Nico never turns to the camera and says word-for-word "I am gay, I am mlm, here's me wearing my exact pride flags" (until TOA/TSATS, which... did the exact thing i mentioned about characters speaking like theyre trying to get a good grade in therapy, or giving a powerpoint presentation). But it is never unclear that HoO is telling us outright that Nico is gay. It's not just hinted at. It's there, in your face. But entirely because no one ever outright says "gay" specifically it's technically still only coding. We know he's gay, we know the characters have trauma/ptsd, etc etc. We don't need it spelled out - that's just kind of condescending. It's like if you said describing a character with "eyes like moss" means they were "green-eye coded."

Nico being autistic-coded isn't hidden. It's not a secret. It's very overt. If you know what autism looks like, well, yeah, there he is. Even if you only know very vague 2007 media presentation of autism, Nico in TTC is easily recognizable enough as autistic because that's the point. Tyson is easily recognizable as being coded as having down syndrome and it's very clearly very intentional! It's just never spoon-fed in exact terms to the reader because it's not necessary! You've already been told the information necessary to tell you what is up with this character, so just plainly going "oh they're [x] in exact terms" is very much telling-not-showing and feels redundant. And while there are places for that kind of thing, most of the time it's very unnecessary. Sometimes coding is subtle, sometimes it's obvious, and yeah there are times where writers code characters unintentionally, but the textual evidence is there, and that's the whole point.

And that's what Death of the Author is about - it doesn't matter what the author intended at the end of the day, because if it's in the text it's in the text. You can look at author intent to try and figure out what that text means, but the text is the text. A Separate Peace is a very classic example - author John Knowles denies there being homosexual subtext, and meanwhile one of the protagonists living in 1942 puts on a pink shirt while saying he doesn't mind of people think of him as gay. What the author says after the fact doesn't matter - if it's there, it's there. So Rick saying anything outside of the books is completely irrelevant. And Rick talks about this a lot - he actively tells people that his statements outside of the books are just his own thoughts, but what's in the books is what's in the books, and if the text supports it then that's all the evidence you need.

Nico specifically is a case where yeah, he's clearly autistic-coded. It's very obvious and very obviously intentional when he's younger, and as the books progress it remains a background trait of his but is still notable (except for when it gets forgotten in TOA/TSATS like everything else, including the adhd/dyslexia, but i digress). It's a clear pattern within the first few books that Rick is intentionally including. It doesn't make sense, especially for the year the book was published, for the reader to be directly told in explicit terminology that Nico is autistic, because the reader is already being told that Nico is autistic.

And yeah, Rick doesn't mention Nico being autistic-coded outside of the text, but he also doesn't mention Tyson being coded as having down syndrome. He also said one time that Percy doesn't have PTSD at all, which is very incorrect starting from book 1. Again, Death of the Author. Whatever Rick says outside of the books does not matter, because he already said it in the books. And there's plenty of other stuff in the books that Rick doesn't touch upon, particularly relating to character identity - did you know Leo is Native? Sammy mentions that the Valdez family is Native in Son of Neptune but we don't get any specifics and then it's like never brought up again anywhere. That happens all the time in the series - and outside of the series - Rick can't possibly address every single point to confirm/deny everything from the books. That's what analysis is for! And that's why my blog exists 👍