#even the ones ive drifted apart from. i love you. im proud of you

[zedif-y]

friends just make everything so worth it, don't they

[jupitercl0uds]

ive just been reminded of stuff oh no

if youve read most of my posts since like mid august, maybe september onwards, youll know that i am STRUGGLING rn. while its been all over the place, having highs and lows, i seriously havent been this bad since 2020/21. i know the reasonable thing to do is take a break, but i cant do that because i have pitiful impulse control atm. that being said, the only thing to really stop me is to deactivate. my main blog's been going for years now, so i dont want to lose everything, though i also get the urge to occasionally.

the issue is, the only times i actually feel almost fully comfortable in a social circle is on tumblr and even then im still scared and awkward. my school friends keep saying really hurtful stuff and while a lot of it is just as a joke, theres almost no time to be serious with them. ive tried. i weakly asked them to stop calling everything retarded more months before finally putting my foot down and demanding, although it took a month of 'retard! whoops, i shouldnt say that' before they just went straight back to it.

my family loves me but i dont like it here. i dont think i even can get into it because its complicated. just know ive seen and HEARD a lot over my short life and its finally starting to catch up to me.

as for the other kids in my school, im in an awkward spot. im honestly fairly 'normal', just with slight outbursts from time to time, but ive always been weird so i always will be. oh, year 9 me, how naïve you were. they don't care if you have an autism diagnosis, if you mask or not, you will NEVER be normal, you will NEVER be accepted and they dont care if theres a reason. if anything, that makes it worse.

im only ever happy when im on tumblr or doing something sonic related. on tumblr, im insecure that nobody really likes me or someone's going to manipulate me, with no amount of reassuring being enough to change that. and as youve already seen me say, sonic is 'too childish', no matter how heavy the themes can be.

this always happens. pre-2020, i didnt really use social media much and i was 11 oldest, so my main escape was roblox/youtube. in 2020-22, i was only happy when chatting to friends on discord. that was ruined when we all started to argue and drift apart. in 2022-23, it was tiktok. this was then ruined when popular kids found my silly waluigi tiktoks and started sharing them around. i havent used tiktok since june and i havent posted a public video since may.

but then, last year, i remembered i had a tumblr account. i started to use it more. and then, when sonic got involved and suddenly i was becoming friends with people, i started to feel my absolute happiest. i was euphoric.

until, of course, my brain struck.

if my birthday werent at the end of august, i think i would be much worse than i currently am, because at least i had a short break to be happy. school was off to a bad start from the very beginning. i didnt sleep the night before my first day, nor did i sleep before the second. what's worse, mum didn't let me stop working at the charity shop i had THOUGHT was for the summer, because, you know, i dont have anything on my plate, im able to just have a designated day of the week where i have to be productive. nope! ive had my days off, but ive still had work every week. is it hard? no! do i have the spoons to go most weeks? also no!

thats not to mention exams. ive always been a well performing student and will be surprised if i fail even 1 gcse, but im not the top of any of my classes, not even the ones im passionate about. no, i dont have to be, i know, but when you grow up as a kid who often IS the top of their year in something, the moment you aren't, you feel like a failure. even if i get all 9s and a d* in drama, there'll be someone who gets more than me in something, and i know i definitely wont get all 9s and a d* in drama. i was proud for a moment, for being top of english, until i found out a girl ive known since primary got a 9 in an english language mock. english language. my favourite english and the subject im best at. needless to say, i was miserable. i barely even slept across the course of my mocks and wont be surprised if i do the same for my gcses.

i sometimes wonder if im just not built for the world, which could honestly be the case. because i have low support needs and my biggest problems are sensory issues (which can be easy to prevent) and social problems, i forget im even allowed to be disabled by autism. but i think that honestly might just be the case.

ive always wanted to be a teacher or an animator, hopefully both, but im starting to wonder if i can do either. animator has such a big workload. teacher also has a big workload, but i know because my family is full of teachers and artists that it's the kind of workload i can manage. but the kids? could i control the kids? could they even take an autistic, nonbinary teacher seriously? again, i dont have high support needs, but its hard not to notice im autistic. of course, if everything goes to plan, i would probably start teaching in the 2030s earliest, 2050s latest, so the world will have changed, but how much?

i get most of these are problems out of my control, but i suppose im just scared and tired of living. that's why i make a million posts a minute: i cant get a word in edgeways with anyone else. that's why i get so apologetic: id get ridiculed for trying otherwise. i get that im annoying and boring. i should know. when i was 3, my dad infodumped about back to the future to me for about half an hour and it was such a tiring experience that it still gets brought up. so i get it, it's annoying when all i care to talk about is sonic. but its the one thing i can care about right now. the world is in ruin and i hate being alive. i dont even have enough motivation to act upon any occasional suicidal/self harming thoughts.

but life goes on and there's no way to stop it.

[technowoah]

Taunt

It only takes one time to realize you fucked up.

- ANON REQUESTED!

- WILBUR X FEM! READER BLURB

PROMPTS!

50) "Fuck off... I mean it"

24) "Get in the car" "..." "please get in the car"

⚠︎ angst to fluff, swearing, based on the song Taunt by Lovejoy ❤🐈 its short btw yall

[Updated 3 hours after upload I messed up the prompts sorry yall now it fixed]

She was always asking if he was alright. He always lied to her just to get her off his back for the night, but it was his fault that he wanted her to move in. He has to deal with that all of the time, it was her fault anyways. She made him upset, she made him not alright. She didn't know that. She constantly complained about things that didn't even concern her, she dodged their relationship making it more about her than them.

It was tiring to him. Constantly providing, trying to tie a broken knot, but he didnt let that get in the way of his career, or his friends. There's another issue, he never talked to his friends about her. She accused him of not being proud of their relationship and that became a problem that never got resolved.

Did anyone ever say "no" to her? Well if no one did, he would be the first one to do so. Fuck that.

He listened, and listened, but nothing kept this relationship together.

Wilbur talked to the three people chatting on his discord through his headphones as a soft LED lights flowed through the room. These nights were simple because she didnt have to see him when he decides to stream, he basically has his time set out for himself without trouble. He wasn't ecstatic, he felt horrible, but the facadè was there.

Her on the other hand wasnt happy either. She never got attention from him, and of course she could get moody from time to time like every other human being, but she always took it out on him. Who else was gonna be there for her? He acted like her cared, she knew he was lying. His "caring" consisted of humming and him responding like a default character in a video game. He didn't care, he acted like he never did. She needed that attention and he knew damn well she did.

She wasnt asking for much, at least to her it did feel like it. She knew when she was wrong, but she didn't want to admit it when they were both in the wrong too. They dont get each other, she didnt know why he asked her to move in when he didn't want anything to do with her. Ever since he moved her in he kept her in check like a child, she hated and loved that at the same time. Its true that she wanted her own way, she did what she wanted and gave her attention to whoever she wanted her attention to be. She thought that was fine, but apparently she dosent give any effort to the relationship.

Rolling her eyes at the thought she decided to leave the dishes in the sink dirty. She thought about leaving and finding someone who will get her, yes Wilbur listened to her, but there was no effort. When he's drunk and tries to "figure out what makes her brain tick" ends up in more distaster.

Lying in the couch her mind began to wonder, he always said that she could get away with anything. She always took it as a taunt. Everytime it was brought up. He called it "pretty privilege" and he always taunts her saying she abuses that power.

Her jaw clenched as she recalled those memories. Summoning the courage she brought herself up onto her feet and rushed to their shared bedroom. Taking a deep breath she opened their closet and started pulling her things off of hangers, not caring if she made a mess. She tossed her clothes onto the messy bed that they didn't bother to make this morning.

Bringing a small backpack out from underneath the bed she tried shoving most of her clothes into a bag for a night. In total frustration she emptied the bag and only backed necessities that she would need for the night.

She was tired of him and he was tired of her so she was doing both of them a favor. She made her way out of the door grabbing a coat and sliding on some simple shoes. Shooting a quick text to a close friend letting them know she's coming over. Her friend wasn't that close, but she decided to walk. As she locked the door to their shared apartment she debated texting Wilbur. She didnt want to, but she didnt want him to freak the fuck out because she wasnt home.

( Wilbur )

Me: Ill be back for the rest of my stuff tmrw.

[Read]

She closed her phone and started on her night time journey down the street trying to let everything from the past few weeks go with the cool wind.

Him on the other hand stayed silent. He had just finished his stream and had gotten a text saying that she'll be back for the rest of her things. This was inevitable, one of them had to leave, but to him it didnt seem right. He didn't want her to leave. Something in his heart was making him chase her back, the same thing in his heart that moved her into his apartment in the first place. Maybe it was love, maybe he wanted to persevere and have someone in his life. Something in his mind was telling him that he let go of something special.

Wilbue thought about it as he shut everything off and went to go grab his belongings, before rushing out the door to try and find her. Sadly to his discovery, she turned off her location. He finally made it to his car and started driving towards his house to see if she was around there.

He couldn't call a friend because she never introduced her friends to him. She did that on purpose because of him not doing the same. As he drove down the not so busy streets of Brighton he thought if he could get to know her, pull emotions and feelings out of her and see the real her. And if he cant do that? Who knows what will happen.

He remembers this face she always pulled when he always said "Im alright." She scrunched up her nose in annoyance and he always took it as a taunt because he couldn't figure out the real meaning. They were both going at this the wrong way, he dosent know anything about her and maybe thats the problem, but she needs to calm down as well. She needs to start paying attention to both of them instead of herself.

He was seated at a stoplight until he saw a figure on the sidewalk walking past him. The person looked shocked then kept walking, but even faster this time. He rolled down the window to see it was Y/n walking. Wilbur ran the red light and found a place to turn the car around to follow her. He drove a couple of feet in front of her before putting his hazard lights on and stepping out of the car to confront her.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Wilbur said while getting our of his car.

"Im getting away from you. And what are you doing here?" She said.

"Well I could ask you the same thing. Its not safe out here alone." He calmed down a little. Wilbur's main goal was to get her back home so they can have a civilized talk. He didn't want to be out here.

"Oh? Ive been fine for the past fifteen minutes." She sasser back.

"That dosent mean its not safe!" He exclaimed.

She stayed quiet so that gave Wilbur an opportunity to speak.

"See, I want us to go home so we can have a civilized talk without feeling defensive. I want to get to know you, I know you're my girlfriend and yes, it was my mistake rushing things. Im not putting the blame all on myself either." He finished and she stayed quiet with her arms crossed infront of her chest.

"Are you cold-?"

"Fuck off...I mean it." She said while trying to pass hin on the street.

He stood in her way and he kept doing that every time she tried to get around him. Wilbur saw that she was getting annoyed at his actions. Wilbur held her by both of her biceps trying to hold her still so he could talk.

"You're being childish!"

"Fucking listen to me! You cant just keep walking away from us! From me! This is not healthy!" Wilbur yelled. He let go if her and surprisingly she stayed there.

"Get in the car." He ordered but she stayed silent. "Please get in the car."

She turns around gets in the passenger seat if Wilbur's car. He sighed a sigh if relief and followed her lead. They both got settled into the car and he didn't move. He wasn't going to drive unless she talked to him. After a minute if silence she spoke up.

"I know its- its both of our faults. And i have some things I need to work on. I cant just run away. Also your thoughts of me need to be rearranged, but I need to give you all of me. At leat 50 percent so we can start somewhere. But Im sorry." She said while she looked down at her lap maybe in embarrassment.

In the end they both wanted to fix themselves. In the end they wanted eachother. And they can both see that.

He leaned over the armrest and gave her a kiss on her cheek. She turned to him with a surprise look on her face, like this was the most affection he gave her, because it was true. She grabbed his hand that rested on the armrest too as he started to drive towards their home together.

As the nightly drive continues on and now shes drifting off in the passenger seat as In Love With An E-girl plays softly. She's left too tired to talk with Wilbur and be in touch with her emotions right now, but she'll do it for the both of them this time.

[spicy-tomato]

dream taking reader from the back while Friends by Chase Atlantic is playing in the background 👀

-also may I be 🪐 anon? if not that's absolutely fine! ly stay safe!

yooo ive been working on so many things i forgot i finished this one! hopefully its how you wanted it to be cause im v proud of it. heavy angst in the beginning but it ends with rough smut and fluff

Just tell me what youre doin with that other guy

Your friends had invited you to a party, you didnt want to be here but your most recent boy toy, quackity, had insisted that you both go because he wanted to show you off. As soon as you both got there however, he ran off with some of his friends, leaving you to stand around with your absolutely plastered group of girl friends. They all kept talking about this one guy on the other side of the room who they said was “bad news”. You had no idea who they were talking about until your eyes met.

“I bet i could get in his pants first, i dont care how bad of an idea it is.” says one of your friends.

All of your girlfriends are wasted, they want it, they chase it

You couldnt just let her say that about him, as much as you were mad at him you couldnt stand her degrading him like that. “Actually him and i used to mess around, i kinda miss him to be honest….he was always so sweet and perfect to me.” you retaliate to your friends humiliating comment about the guy you regret losing.

“Youre joking. You do know hes literally the biggest fuckboy ever. Theres no way in hell im even letting you go near him tonight, besides you have quackity now.” gemma said, she may be wasted but she was always the mom of the group. You sigh and go back to your solo cup full of whatever clear alcohol you poured into it earlier.

All of your friends have been here for to long, they must be waiting for you to move on

Gemma continued to watch you for the next several hours until your eyes caught his again. Dream was a fitting name for him, he was like a dream come true for you with his dirty blonde hair and soft, freckled covered face. He always towered over you but it made you feel safe.

Girl, im not with it, im way to far gone

As your eyes met you could tell he was gone, his eyes devouring your skin as if he could still see what you looked like beneath your small skirt and crop top. You shudder at his predatory gaze before he gestures up the stairs and walks away, leaving you shuddering and trying to figure out what he was up to.

“Hey, im gonna run to the kitchen for a drink, ill be back in a sec.” you said and gemma nodded as you quickly make your way through the crowded space and up the stairs.

Heart on your sleeve like youve never been loved

You couldnt lie, you really didnt like quackity but after everything went downhill with dream you just needed someone to be there for you and he happened to walk in at the wrong time. As you get to the top of the stairs, dream pulls you quickly into a bathroom and locks the door before pressing you against it.

Runnin in circles now look what youve done

He looked a mess, eyes puffy and red, obviously not all there after drinking so much.

“Look what youve done to me, really look at it. I havent been the same since i let you go, i made a mistake. Please...please come back.” youve never seen him like this, begging for a second chance.

Give you my word as you take it and run

“How can i trust you wont hurt me again. You said that you would never hurt me then you went and did what you did. How do i know you arent lying?” he looks down, one hand reaching out to take yours.

“Let me prove it to you”

Wish youd let me stay, im ready now

“You cant just walk back into my life and expect me to just take you at your word or let you ‘make it up to me’. What you did tore me apart dream” your eyes go dark as you look at him with anger and sadness.

Just give me some time and space to realize

“After not being with you for so long, it made me realize how much i need you in my life” he looks at you with desperation

And what the hell were we? Tell me we werent just friends, this doesnt make much sense

“You told me that all we would ever be is friends when i told you how much i loved you, how much i still love you. After all of that, after all the tears ive spilled for you, you just expect to walk back in here and regain my love and trust?” you take his hand softly, “thats not how it works as bad as i want it to work that way.”

But im not hurt im tense, cause ill be fine without you, babe

“I lied, i told you i would be fine and that i didnt need your or love you like you love me but i lied. I was so scared of you leaving that i pushed you away. Please, just give me one more chance…” he looked so sad as he said that. Opening up was never one of his strong points so you took what he said to heart.

Wish youd let me stay, im ready now

“Then make it up to me.” you smirk at him as he looks up at you with wide eyes. “Make me forget everything you did to hurt me and maybe i'll give you another chance.” he smirks and his eyes go dark with lust before he pulls you from against the door and bends you over the sink. Your phone rings an you check to see who it is

Incoming call from: quackity

You toss your phone to the side quickly as dream starts to tug at your skirt, tugging it down quickly to see you had nothing on under it.

“Its like you came here ready for me to fuck you princess. Being so naughty with nothing on under this skimpy little skirt.” he slaps your ass hard and you lurch forward with a moan. He pulls your hands behind your back, pinning them there with one hand as the other starts to play with you, putting one finger in and pulling a moan from your throat. “Such pretty noises, god why did i ever let a perfect little thing like you go.” he adds a second finger and starts to thrust them relentlessly as you moan and beg from under him, the familiar tune of a song you played for him drifting up the stairs as you slowly come undone below him. He chuckles darkly before pulling his fingers out, dragging a whine from you before he quickly replaces it, thrusting into you all at once and setting a rough pace. He uses his free hand to tug you back by your hair and make you look in the mirror.

“Look at how much of a mess you are for me, no one else can make you feel like this princess, youre all mine.” he finishes his sentence with a particularly rough thrust that makes you scream out, coaxing an orgasm you didnt even know you were so close to out of you as he keeps going. You watch your form in the mirror, seeing how ruined you looked with tears running down your cheeks and ruined makeup. He laughs behind you before pulling you up to his chest and moving the hand that was pinning your behind your back to your throat, applying light pressure. You let out a silent moan and throw your head back before he leans down and bites it.

“Such a dirty girl, getting off on my hand around your neck” he puts more pressure on your neck before biting above his hand. Your eyes roll back as you cum around him again with a muffled scream. He pulls his hand from your neck and starts to bite and suck on it, his hips stuttering as he comes closer to his end. “S-so fucking good for me princess, never gonna let you go again” as he say that he fills you up with a gutteral moan and you throw your hands back to grip his hair. You both take a second to come down before he pulls out, causing you to whine before he helps you put your skirt back on and turns you to face him.

“Give me another chance?” he smiles softly at you.

“Only if you take me home.” he nods quickly and takes your hand, leading you down the stairs an past your friends and your “boyfriend”

“Hey babe, where are you going with that asshole?” quackity asks before trying to pull you away from dream.

“Actually quackity, we’re over...sorry!” with that, both you and dream rush out of the house and to his car before getting in. he takes you back to his apartment and you both curl up on the couch, you laying on his chest with a content smile as he pulls a blanket over the both of you. You fall asleep in his arms, knowing that it was just right.

[metfell]

im literally just sitting here feeling so proud of myself for everything ive accomplished this year. like... this fandom has made me feel the happiest ive felt in a long time. i actually have had the energy to really get my life together. ive gone through a lot of fandoms, and this one is by far the best fandom experience ive ever had.

everyone is funny as fuck, everyone is so kind to me as well, and ive managed to find some wonderful friends and mutuals from every corner of this fandom. you all have made me feel confident in my art for the first time ever. i actually feel like im making something people want to see. i actually feel like a good artist!!! people like my stuff, and tag it as inspo, and eret complimented it!!!!!

and not only that, but people seem to really like me for me? and respect my boundaries that i was very nervous to set up at first? you all tell me that im kind and nice and smart and i hate relying on opinions from strangers on the internet but when you've been through the wringer the way i have, and have rsd the way i do, it means the absolute world to have people actually think im smart and skilled and a good person.

i love all my friends in this fandom, and even if we drift apart throughout our time in this fandom, and in the future, itll still be a wonderful memory <3 but for now we are still going!!! im still laughing at the insane shit spider enclosure puts on my dash, and calling holly my brother, and telling damien and judas that im madly in love with them, and everyone roleplays on our silly tumblr blogs, and makes art, and writes fics, and we are all having a great time.

love you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[thetaekookcloset]

I hope you feel better! I wanted to share some non-shippers takes on tkks relationship.

I’ve heard some say that taehyung is jealous of jungkook getting more lines in a song, and that was the reason their relationship becAme strenuous, and therefore distant. They concluded that that was why taehyung was singing with jungkook when he wasnt on the song. Ive gotta say… i dont think i have ever seen taehyung jealous of jungkook’s talents and abilities (and vice versa). One thing that sticks out like a sore thumb to me is whenever, literally whenever, jungkook does something, taehyung has the most fond look on his face. Take for example chris martin telling kook his voice is beautiful, or when jungkook threw the baseball. If he were actually jealous, he wouldnt have that “deeply fond” look on his face. Thats the kind of look i have on my fave when im proud of someone i love.

Others say the reason they’ve drifted apart is because v stole kooks girlfriend. 😭 i have no words for that one. If that were the case, i dont think a 5 minute convo would have solved the problem, but thats just my take. I mean.. if my so-called “friend” stole my partner, i wouldnt be cuddling them the next day or punching their abs😭. Its funny how everyone comes to a different conclusion based on the same content we watch because i never had to watch anything other than bighit content to feel like their relationship was different. It wasnt one specific moment or video for me, i just had this feeling that something was different between them.

I really didnt want to think so because i wasnt big on shipping or anything. Maybe its because i started by watching old content because new bighit content is definitely not the same. Idk, i just notice that new armys are different from old armys. In general, new bts content isnt the same as the old one. The old ones feel more spontaneous, less monitored, and NO im not referring to solely taekook content, but the content *in general*. If you watch the first run episodes or old bangtan bombs, you will understand what i mean. Idk why bighit thinks following the typical idol image, when BTS has literally been the ANTITHESIS of being an “idol” from the very beginning, almost as soon as they achieved mainstream success. If you ever say you miss their old music or if you miss their old content, you would be shamed into oblivion… but like isnt that what bts implied in festa? They werent too keen on their new releases. Lots of old armys got into bts because not only were they really talented despite coming from a small company (back then), but they felt a lot more open with their audience compared to other idols, so it was sad to see how more and more controlled content became.

Lol yeah there are a few non-shipper perspectives that I could see as being real possibilities, but I don’t think there’s any evidence to suggest that Taehyung is jealous of Jungkook’s ability, talent, or limelight, and even less to suggest that one or the other of them stole the other’s girlfriend lmao that’s hilarious to me.  And people say we make things up!

I do agree that there seems to be quite a big difference, across the board, between much older Big Hit content and the content since they started to gain a lot more popularity.  Unfortunately, I think that’s sort of bound to happen in pretty much any situation like that.  The bigger something is, the more profitable it is, the greater the need (or at least, the perceived need) to keep it squeaky clean and as appealing as possible en masse, which means the less real it can be.  It’s like the Mickey Mouse-ification of BTS lol.

It’s too bad, but it’s probably inevitable when something reaches that scale of popularity.

[frankensteindotpdf]

From Eden Moment's Silence Would That I Be

From Eden-Do you think there’s “something tragic about this” life?

This is a strange question im not 100% sure how to answer? Not to get way too deep at the first question but ive always found it sad how badly parents will inevitably mess up their children, even the most well-meaning. (we had to read a poem about it in one of my classes, thats why its on my mind) Literally no matter what you’re going to have some kind of negative impact on your kid; the best you can do is minimize it. Thats part of the reason I wouldnt want biological kids of my own. There’s so many children who already need homes i just think its super selfish to make more..... so thats a tragedy thats still kinda removed from my life because im babie ghjkgl

but i do also think about the fact that there’s going to be a last conversation with everyone like...every relationship you have will end in break up, death, divorce, drifting apart, or whatever. they’re all gonna end and i almost wish i knew how they would? and how long itll be? but im also glad i dont know cuz that kind of ticking time bomb would be very depressing. 

so yes. there are many tragic things about this life.  

Moment’s Silence-What do you find beautiful about the situation you’re in now?

My future is pretty much a blank slate. there are so many directions it could go in and though its terrifying, its also pretty freeing. i have so many more people to meet and things to learn its very exciting. I also love how much time i have to create right now. ive been doing like every craft under the sun and its such a good time its so nice for your soul

Would That I-Is there anything you wish you could change about the past?

There are so many things I would do differently if i could go back in time...mostly terrible decisions to start something that took months if not years for me to unlearn. I would choose to be kinder to my younger self and more of an asshole to the people who deserved it.

Be-Have you changed much as a person in the last year?

Luckily yessss at the beginning of the year I was questioning my gender and partaking in very unhealthy habits and im currently out to most of the important people in my life, trying new names and pronouns and not doing that unhealthy thing anymore which im very proud of!! ive also been getting more confident which is really good haha 

[finn-nelson-for-the-win]

The Good Life: Chapter 5

Hello, my lovelies! Another week, another chapter of this story. I don’t really have too much to say before this chapter, so I suppose I’ll just get right to it.

Need to get caught up? The Good Life: Ch1, Ch2, Ch3, Ch4

If you want to be added (or removed) from the tags list for this story, just feel free to let me know!

@pink-royaute @believethaticanandiwill @milllott @likeashootingstarfades @i-dream-of-emus

The Good Life: Chapter 5

The bell to the lift chimed as the metal doors slowly slid open, signaling that they had reached their desired floor, and Finn stepped aside to allow Rae to walk out first.

“I still can’t believe that we’re on the fifth floor of the building!” Rae mused as she looked over the railing outside of the lift that overlooked one of the busy city streets.

“It’s a good thing neither of us are scared of heights, huh?” Finn joked as he adjusted his grip on the large box he was carrying in his arms.

Finn and Rae turned left after exiting the hallway with the lift, already becoming familiar with navigating the building after following the same path numerous times.

When Finn stopped in front of one of the doors, he turned to look at Rae, who was lagging behind slightly as she walked leisurely to take in the view from the top floor of the building.

“Do you have the keys, Finn, or do I?”

“I do, but I can’t get to them with this box,” Finn replied.

“Do ya want me to take the box from you?”

“No, it’s pretty heavy,” Finn replied with a slight grunt as he adjusted his grip on the box to prove his point, “but can you get the keys out of my pocket?”

“Er, sure...which pocket?”

“Back left pocket of my jeans,” Finn said as he angled his body towards her so she could easily reach his pocket.

“Alright,” Rae replied as she hesitantly reached her hand into the pocket of Finn’s jeans to grab the set of keys.

“Uh, sorry,” Finn replied sheepishly when Rae pulled the keys out of his pocket and it elicited an unexpected giggle from him, “that tickled more than I expected.”

Rae laughed and shook her head, but stepped in front of Finn to unlock the door and allow him to walk inside first.

Once inside the door, Finn walked into the large open space that would eventually resemble a living room and placed the box he was carrying beside the other tall stacks of boxes.

“Was that the last box?” Finn asked over his shoulder as he restacked some of the boxes to reduce some of the clutter.

“Indeed! Who knew that between the two of us, we’d have so much stuff?” Rae asked with a laugh as she looked around the room at dozens of cardboard boxes that had been piled haphazardly around the room.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m very proud of how efficient we were today. We got all your stuff and my stuff packed into the moving truck and got it all brought up to the apartment all in a matter of hours!”

“That’s pretty impressive! We make a good team, huh?” Rae asked as she walked to stand beside Finn and bumped his hip with hers playfully.

“We absolutely do,” Finn replied as he wrapped an arm around Rae’s shoulders and pulled her slightly closer, “I think we deserve to reward our hard work. We should order some takeaway since we have no food here yet and then after we’ve eaten if we feel up to it, we can start unpacking boxes. What do you think about that?”

“I think it’s a great idea. I’ll order and you can go pick it up, if that’s alright with you? What do you want to eat?”

“Of course! I don’t have a preference, I’m just starving and would like a lot of food,” Finn added with a smile as he walked away.

Rae called in their takeaway order while Finn reorganized the boxes against the perimeter of the room to ensure that they had a clear path to walk around without tripping.

“Alright, our order should be ready in less than half an hour. I ordered from the Chinese restaurant just down the street because their online reviews looked really good. I hope that’s alright with you.”

“It’s great, thank you. I’ll leave to go pick it up as soon as I find my keys again,” Finn replied with a nervous chuckle.

“Your keys are on the kitchen counter,” Rae replied with a fond smile at Finn’s forgetfulness, “Do you want me to try to find some plates and utensils in one of these boxes while you’re gone?”

“Yeah, that’d be great!”

Once Finn grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone off of the counter where he had left them, he left to go pick up their takeaway order.

Rae searched through the stacks of boxes trying to find whatever she thought Finn and she would need to eat their takeaway and before long she heard the door unlock and Finn walking through the door.

“Sorry if I took longer than you expected. I, uh, wanted to--what is this?”

Rae beamed with pride at the look of surprise on Finn’s face when he walked into the living room to see a small lamp on top of a short stack of boxes to subtly light the room as well as a pile of pillows and blankets strategically arranged to make the floor more comfortable to sit on, since the couch they had bought online wouldn’t be delivered until next weekend.

“I was looking for the boxes with dishes in them and I got a little carried away,” Rae replied with a shrug as she walked up to take the bags of food from Finn.

“Well it looks great! I thought it seemed appropriate that we mark the occasion today with a drink,” Finn replied as he pulled a pack of beer from one of the bags Rae had placed on the kitchen counter, “so I picked this up too. I know it’s not champagne or anything fancy, but...”

“Don’t worry about it. Champagne is disgusting anyways,” Rae replied with a chuckle as she continued unpacking the bags of takeaway containers onto the counter.

“We can go ahead and serve ourselves food and then I also have my laptop here if you wanted to watch something or listen to music while we eat.”

“I don’t feel like paying close attention to anything, so maybe we can just put on some music?” Rae suggested.

After they had served themselves plates full of various entrees, noodles, and sautéed vegetables, Rae sat down on the pile of pillows and blankets as Finn grabbed his laptop to put on one of his many playlists to listen to in the background.

“It’s crazy to think how quickly everything has moved. I mean, less than a month ago I was panicking about how I was going to find a roommate and a little over a week ago we were barely starting to tour potential apartment!” Rae mused as she ate.

“No kidding! If you’d told me over a month ago that I would have moved out of my Da’s house and be living with you, I wouldn’t ever believe it,”

“Oh wow! Thanks, Finn!” Rae scoffed.

“That’s not what I meant! I just meant that I wasn’t serious about moving out until I found out how badly you needed to find a roommate. Even when I first suggested it, it was just a spur of the moment kind of thing. I couldn’t even fathom why you had agreed to be my roommate, if I’m being honest.”

“Well I’m glad that this whole thing worked out as well as it has so far!”

“Me too, Rae!” Finn replied as he lifted his can of beer into the air in cheers.

The pair continued eating and talking until both were completely stuffed and pleasantly buzzed on cheap beer.

“Wow,” Rae began after a long yawn, “I’m so exhausted!”

“I know what you mean! After lifting all those boxes, I’m sure both our arms are gonna be sore tomorrow.”

Rae leaned over to place both of their now-empty plates on top of one of the nearby boxes. When she sat back, Rae angled her body so she was leaning into Finn’s side.

She looked over at him, silently asking if that was okay, and while he looked a bit surprised, he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arm around her in a loose embrace.

“I don’t want to unpack boxes tonight. I have the day off of work tomorrow as well, so I’ll unpack tomorrow while you’re at work.”

“I can’t let you unpack everything alone! I’ll play hooky from work and stay here to unpack with you,” Finn replied.

“You don’t have to!”

“No, but I want to.”

“Alright,” Rae replied with a small smile as she allowed her eyes to slowly drift shut as they continued talking and listening to music.

When Finn stood from the ground and grabbed the dirty dishes to wash, he looked back to see Rae curled up on the pile of blankets, scrolling through her phone.

“Did you want another beer before I put them in the fridge?” Finn asked from the kitchen after he had finished washing their dishes and setting them aside to dry.

When he did not get a response, Finn walked out into the living room and was surprised to see Rae asleep on the pile of blankets, snoring lightly.

Finn chuckled quietly, walking back into the kitchen only long enough to turn off the light and returned to the living room.

Finn grabbed Rae’s phone from beside her face where she was laying down and set it on the box closest to her so she could easily find it in the morning.

With all of their larger furniture being delivered over the next week, Finn and Rae had already determined that they would be sleeping on the floor for the foreseeable future, so Finn simply unfolded one of the blankets that Rae was not laying on top of and covered her up with it. Finn considered his options for just a moment before shrugging and laying down on the pile of blankets and pillows in the space beside Rae and allowed the dizzying combination of exertion and excitement to lull him into a state of much needed sleep.

A/N: Yay! Move-in day is over and Finn and Rae are OFFICIALLY roommates! I know this point took a while to build up to, so I made a point to make this chapter extra cute and show how quickly Rae and Finn are getting used to the idea of living together and how adorably domestic these two idiots are even though they’ve only lived together less than a day.

The cuteness has only just begun and even just based on the chapters that I’ve already written or mapped out, there is a lot of fun shenanigans in the upcoming chapters. I know the last couple chapters have been super dialogue-heavy between Rae and Finn (idk how y’all feel about this...I LOVE to read/write dialogue-heavy stuff, but it may not be everyone’s cup of tea), but in the future chapters I’m bringing the gang back and we’ll get to see how the gang feels about the Rae/Finn living situation now that more time has passed.

Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter and as always: Stay awesome, my friends! :)

[all-hail-the-witcher]

my feet don’t dance like they did with you

ship: race x albert genre: angst ;) warnings: implied breakups and people leaving, also like 3 curse words editing: eh word count: 1560 this is inspired by ghost of you by 5sos ive wanted to write angst based on that song since the first time i heard it _______________________________ The gravity of the situation didn’t hit Albert until he was at rehearsal the following day. The director had paired him with Elmer until she could figure out how to fill the perfectly Race-shaped space in the show. Albert struck the opening pose for the duet, a crouch in the downstage right corner, and Elmer took Races place, a lunge at center stage. The opening notes of the song began and Albert felt his body go on autopilot, completing every leap, jump, and turn with practiced fluidity. That is, until about 32 counts into the piece when he and Elmer stood downstage center. This was the moment where they made eye contact and acknowledged each other for the first time during the piece before doing a complicated lift and turn sequence. Some part of him had known, very deep down, that it would be Elmer’s, not Race’s eyes that he would be meeting. But somehow he was still shocked. Maybe it was the jarring difference of seeing Elmer’s brown eyes as opposed to Races luminous blue ones, or maybe it was the fact that he wasn’t met by Races familiar smell of laundry soap and cheap cologne that caused Alberts brain to short circuit. His dancing become choppy and disjointed. He barely had time to recognize the sudden difference before Elmer morphed into Race and the walls of the studio closed in around them, transporting him back in time to the hallway outside their apartment and the events of the night before. Albert had just ran up the five flights of stairs to their apartment - curse this old building and its lack of an elevator - and had been rummaging around in his dance bag for his keys when he had been greeted by Race exiting the apartment, not even bothering to lock the door behind him. “Hey Race,” Albert had called out, abandoning all hope of finding his keys, “going somewhere?” Race had turned abruptly and stiffened slightly at the sound of Albert’s voice, almost like a kid who had gotten caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Albert hadn’t noticed that originally, but now every detail came back to him, screaming that something was terribly wrong. Race had been wearing one of Albert’s old sweatshirts - the big green one he had a penchant for stealing - and a pair of adidas track pants with his sneakers. His big black dance bag had been thrown over his shoulder and he had a navy backpack on. Albert remembered thinking that he must be going to rehearsal. But, if he had pondered that question a little bit longer he would have remembered that Race never had rehearsal on Thursday nights. “Hey, Albert.” Albert, not Albie or Albo or Al: Albert. Race never called him by his actual name. Why hadn’t he picked up on that? “Romeo wanted to rehearse with me tonight for a few hours, not sure when I’ll be back.” His voice sounded fake, scripted, almost. And, of course now, Albert remembered that Romeo was out of town at an audition so there was no way Race was going to meet up with him. “Okay,” Albert remembered saying, hand on the door knob ready to go inside, “I’ll see you later.” Race had turned to walk down the hall, but stopped at the last second. He had turned around, and strode back toward where Albert was standing. Then, without any warning, he threw his arms around Albert’s neck and kissed him softly on the lips. “I love you, Albie,” he had said. “Don’t forget that.” At the time it had all happened so fast, but now the whole scene played back almost slow motion. Albert could see the tear tracks on Races cheeks and the slight tremor in his hand as he ran his fingers absently through his hair. He could see the glint of sadness mixed with regret and hopelessness in his beautiful blue eyes. If only he had seen it then. “I love you too, Tony,” Albert had whispered back, opening the door to their apartment and stepping inside with a small wave at his boyfriend. Race had given him his trademark lopsided smirk before wandering back down the hall. If only he had known that was the last time he would ever see him. Back in reality, Albert could feel Elmer’s hand on his arm as they moved into the partnering section. He couldn’t help but notice that it was smooth, not callused like Races. It felt wrong. It all felt wrong. Elmer caught Albert’s eye for a second. The look he gave him let Albert know he could tell something was off. Albert knew that Elmer would understand if they stopped, but he willed his body to keep moving in time with the music as his brain drifted back to the apartment. Albert had stepped inside, breathing in the familiar scent of one too many sugared apple candles - courtesy of Race - and thrown his bag on the floor before heading to the kitchen in pursuit of a snack. He had pulled out several bags of chips from the cabinet and was reaching up into the cupboard for a bowl when he had noticed an old pair of Race’s black canvas ballet shoes with holes in the toes laying on the counter. Race was always leaving his things in strange places, so Albert had been about to move them aside when he saw the note. That was when everything had come crashing down. In present time, Albert could feel Elmer spinning him around and around and around and he thought that that was fitting seeing how his head was spinning from remembering the letter Race had left him. Dear Albert, it had said. I’m terribly sorry, but I won’t be coming home tonight. Or tomorrow night, or any night after. You didn’t do anything wrong. Hell, you were the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. But it’s become too much for me. I can’t really put it into words, but I need you to understand that nothing you could have ever said would have changed my mind. Elmer stopped spinning him, and Albert flew into a switch split, but he landed weirdly, a sharp pain running up the inside of his ankle. He winced. He had never had a problem with that jump before. I love you, the note continued. More than I love myself. Which is why I have to go now, when things are good before I screw everything up and we fight and break up the hard and painful way. I’ve been through that too many times Albie, and I don’t want to fight with you. I’m not very good at this love stuff, no one has ever wanted me in that way before, and I can’t fathom that you would be any different, nor do I have the mental capacity to get broken up with again. Albert did a seat roll into a fish flop, but his knees banged the floor painfully. And there was Elmer’s hand, right where Races should have been, pulling him up for the last 8 counts of the dance. I’m leaving you my old ballet shoes. They were what I was wearing the day I met you. Remember that day? It was the first time we ever partnered. It was so magical Albie, we just worked together so well. Everything suddenly made sense the moment we touched. Did you feel that way too? Probably not, I’m being stupid. I knew in that moment I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. But I can’t. So maybe you’ll consider taking these shoes in place of me, or maybe you’ll throw them out, I don’t care. Whatever happens, Albie, never stop dancing. Albert heard the music cut out. He barely registered that he was in his final pose, hugging Elmer, although it should have been Race, it should have been Race, goddamnit. He backed away quickly, like Elmer had burned him. “Are you okay, Albert?” Elmer asked gently. “That run was a little...rough.” “Yeah, I’m okay,” Albert lied, fighting to meet Elmer’s gaze, reminding himself that this was who he had to dance with now because Race wasn’t coming back. Race wasn’t coming back. He was gone, nothing but a mere memory. A memory that would never be brought back. “I’m just not used to dancing with you yet.” Elmer nodded. “Okay, we can work through it. You’re a good dancer, we’ll make it work.” He offered him a smile, which Albert was hesitant to return. “Yeah, okay,” he said, looking down at his feet, which were wearing Races worn out ballet shoes. They were a size too big on him, but he could still see the tips of his toes poking through the holes. He remembered when those shoes had begun to get those holes in them and he’d teased race endlessly for it until he had gotten a new pair. Was the reason he had hung onto them so long because they reminded him of when the first met? He forced down tears as he willed himself to work through the dance with Elmer. He’s not coming back. Race had told him to never stop dancing. Oh, Race, he thought, how is that even possible when my feet don’t dance like they did with you? _______________________________ im kinda low key proud of this ? i love hurting my bois angst is my specialty, so if there’s anything anyone wants to see feel free to hit up the ask box !! feed back is always appreciated !!

[laurens-lil-fics]

hi again it’s me! so i was wondering if you could please do a fanfic on a modern au where firefighter!peter quill gets some burn marks on his chest and his stomach and almost all over his body, and the reader is a beautiful (yet very sexy) nurse, who heals peter up, and falls in love with him?

Heckie yes!

Stay with me. Stay with me.

That was the first thing Peter heard that voice say. He could hear the desperation in her voice, maybe it’s what set her words apart from the others. The raw emotion.

This was an off day for Peter, 10 years as a firefighter you think he’d be prepared for just about anything. And yet here he was, blinking in and out of consciousness in the hospital.

How did he know it was a hospital? For starters those ugly fluorescent lights. He saw them in his nightmares, when he’d dream of his mother. The blinding white walls were another tip. Lastly were the dozens of voices surrounding him, making him feel claustrophobic.

He was caged like an animal, a wounded animal. Then he heard her voice again.

You need to steady your breathing. Breathe with me. In and out… Just like that.

The oxygen mask pressed to his face made him panic, just for a moment, then he focused on her voice once more.

In and out… Shhhh…

The burning on his chest ripped him out of his haze, thrusting him back into the real world. He screamed into the oxygen mask, the ringing in his ears drowning out her voice.

His eyes, wild and panic stricken, bounced around the room, looking at the people and the machines surrounding him. He just barely made out someone shouting about morphine.

Movement at the corner of his eye caught his attention. His head whipped in that direction as the stranger took a needle to his IV.

The woman standing over him set the empty needle aside and looked down at him. Her hair was pulled out of her face, there was sweat on her brow and heavy bags under her eyes.

She was the most beautiful thing he had ever scene.

Another blast of pain had him surging forward. She pressed her hands to his shoulders and forced him to lay back with all her might.

Peter swore those ugly as fuck fluorescent lights formed a halo around her head, maybe it was the morphine.

You’ll be okay… You’re gonna be okay.

He breathed hard and watched her hover above him for a moment longer until his body began to relax. His eyes slowly fluttered shut and he drifted off into a long, dreamless sleep.

Why do breezes sigh every evening… whispering your name as they do…

And why have I the feeling, stars are on my ceiling… I know why and so do you…

It wasn’t the aches in his body or the natural sunlight streaming into his room that woke him up. It was that voice bringing him back to reality.

Peter slowly opened his eyes, wincing at just how bright the daylight was despite the rain clouds forming outside. He looked around the room, familiarizing himself with the space.

Even though he knew she would be there he still froze in place when he saw the woman from the night he was brought in.

She looked a lot more put together this time. She looked like she had gotten some rest since their last encounter. The woman was completely focused on her clipboard and her singing, she didn’t notice Peter was awake until he attempted to sit up in his bed.

“When you dance with me, I’m in heaven when the music- Oh my gosh. Don’t do that.” She set her clipboard on his bedside table and moved to his side as quick as a flash. She rested her hand on his shoulder and gently laid him back onto the bed.

“You need to take it slow,” she said, pulling the remote for the bed from its velcro strap on the wall and showing it to him. “This button will help you sit up… You have severe burns on your torso. You can’t put strain on yourself.”

Peter pressed onto the small arrow button, wincing as the bed began to adjust to his control. Before he could even thank her she left the room, mumbling something about getting him some food.

He sat there for a couple minutes, blankly staring at the tv mounted on the wall. It was playing one of those cook off shows. He usually hated them, but he assumed the nurse had put it on and decided to sit through the yelling and the over the top panic.

She stepped back into the room, setting a tray of food down on the table above his lap.

“I read on your medical records you have no food allergies, so this should be fine… unless you’re on one of those weird gluten free diets…” she trailed off, moving the tray closer to him.

Peter chuckled softly, wincing when he felt his chest ache from the quick movement. He took a sip of the ice water she brought him and sighed happily.

He looked up at her, not really knowing what to say as she began unboxing his meal. Of course his mouth always ran a mile a minute out of his control.

“I’m not like… Like all Freddy Krueger-y am I…?” he asked, motioning to his face.

I’m a fucking idiot.

The nurse laughed and glanced at him, giving him a onceover as she shook her head. “Never heard that term for severe 3rd degree burns before… but no, you’re not all Freddy Krueger-y. Your chest is a little worse for wear… but with some time and a lot of pain meds and aloe vera it’ll be fine.”

She retrieved her clipboard from the other side of his bed and pointed at one of the many buttons on the bed’s remote. “My name’s (Y/n), if you need anything just press this button. I’ll be right back to check on you once you’re done eating.”

Peter looked her over as she left the room, smiling to himself once she was gone.

Once he was done ripping into his food he could feel himself beginning to doze off. He growled to himself and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, hoping to keep himself awake until (Y/n) got back.

He hadn’t realized he dozed off until the sound of little white sneakers on the linoleum floors stirred him.

(Y/n) stood over him, getting the tray together as quietly as she could. She stopped once she realized her patient had woken up and gave him an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up, Mr. Quill.”

“You don’t have to apologize… and you can call me Peter….” he said, feeling butterflies in his stomach when her smile brightened.

“Well, Peter, looks like that turkey has you ready for a nap.” she said, preoccupying herself with the messy tray he had left. “I’m a little surprised, not everyone finishes their food here. Can’t really blame them though, hospital food’s always a little rough.”

“Yeah… I used to visit my mom in the hospital a lot, so I pretty much lived off of it for a while.” he sighed, shifting under the covers only to wince and whine in pain from the burns on his chest.

(Y/n) quickly moved the table aside and stood over him, gently moving his hands away as he clutched his chest.

“Here, let me go ahead and change out these bandages…” she plucked a new roll of bandages from the cabinet on the other side of the room and returned to him. She carefully helped him sit up straight and untied the front of his hospital gown.

Peter heard the heart monitor quickening and screamed at himself to calm the hell down and let the woman do her job. But damn, the way her fingers brushed over his skin as she took off his bandages had him fighting back the burning in his cheeks.

The sight of the burns on his chest were enough to knock his head out of the clouds and send him back to reality. (Y/n) held up a small tube of ointment, warning him that it would probably sting.

After getting a dollop on her fingertips she began gingerly massaging the medicine onto his burns. Sure enough Peter grunted in pain and held his bottom lip between his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut while (Y/n) worked.

“It’s best to let it all out… How about you keep talking, that’ll take your mind off it.” she suggested.

Peter nodded, racking his brain for something, anything to talk about.

“W-Whenever I got sick of the hospital food… m-my grama would being me something…” he said through his gritted teeth, continuing their conversation from earlier. “I think my fav-fuck… my favorite were these grilled cheeses she’d make… she’d always bring em by wrapped in foil… with some tomato soup in tupperware…”

(Y/n) wiped what was left of the ointment onto a tissue and began wrapping Peter’s chest, giving him a small smile. “Sounds like someone’s getting hungry again.”

Peter couldn’t help but chuckle as he breathed through the fading pain. He breathed a sigh of relief once she finished and laid back into the bed.

“Those should heal up in the next week… Hopefully applying that ointment won’t be as painful, it only gets easier from here.” (Y/n) said, her fingers working on retying his hospital gown.

“I’m kind of a baby when it comes to pain, sorry if I’m a little difficult.”

“No, no, it’s alright.” She assured him, gently rubbing his shoulder. “Don’t be afraid to let me know if you’re in any pain. I’m here to take care of you.”

The corners of Peter’s lips quirked up into a small smile and he gave her a slight nod. He sighed happily and laid his head back, relaxing into the bed once she left the room.

The rest of the week was basically the same routine; Peter would wake up, (Y/n) would bring him his meals, change his bandages, then he’d go to sleep. But in between all that Peter tried his best to make small talk with her, get to know her more.

He dropped that sneaky “Oh your boyfriend must be so proud” line the third day in. He almost jumped out of bed when she corrected him, saying she wasn’t dating anyone.

With the burns on his chest already healing he knew he’d be out of the hospital soon. He wasn’t too distraught, he could try to get (Y/n)’s number. Hell, screw “try” he was gonna do it.

His last afternoon in the hospital finally rolled around. His check out was scheduled for 3, it was currently 11.

She’s gonna bring me my lunch, Im gonna ask her for her number, it’ll be fine…

The door to his room opening put the biggest smile on his face, but it dropped once he saw a different nurse walk into the room with his tray of food.

“Good morning, Mr. Quill. How are we feeling today?”

“I… I’m good, is (Y/n) not here today?” Peter asked, looking behind the nurse to see if (Y/n) had trailed in after her.

The nurse frowned and shook her head. “No, I’m afraid she caught the flu from one of her other patients. She won’t be coming in today.”

Peter felt his heart drop out of his chest and into his stomach, along with all hope of ever going on a date with (Y/n).

“But,” she continued, setting the tray down on his table. “She did bring this by a little earlier… I’ll be right back to check on you when you’re done.” She smiled, turning and leaving the room.

Peter eagerly sat up and pulled the table closer, unboxing the food. He smiled wide, realizing what she had sent for him.

A grilled cheese wrapped in foil, and a glass pyrex bowl of tomato soup. A small, folded slip of paper sat between the two and he quickly unfolded it.

I’m willing to make a house call once I get over the flu. Call me.

Sure enough, the seven digits of her phone number along with a small heart sat under her message.

[rogueshipagogo]

god i reblogged that post abt being harsher on men that go after teenage girls earlier and ive been thinking abt this shit all day i gotta make a post abt it so i can stop holding onto these thoughts. lmfao this is what happens when u dont have a vent blog lmao wont be too intense but tw i guess anyways, literally nobody is obligated to read this ever

so i pretty much drifted away from all my high school friends and everyone who knew me irl before ~2012 bc i just couldnt stand the idea of going back to face all of those people and know that they just watched me spend 6 years, since i was 14 years old, in explicit and serious long term romantic and sexual relationships with men over 18, over 20, over 21, and never once Say anything abt it, who were in the same boat of supporting it with me; like i know that I could have been the one to be like ‘no, that was wrong, what just happened to me, all that time you, my peers, could have known better and done better by me,’ but also the idea of doing that was so like..... Shameful??? i couldnt go back to being ignorant of what had been done to me but i also couldnt be their example and their lesson. like my entire lifes meaning up until that point was to be the one time main character of a very special episode of a sitcom about high school girls going out with college boys. i didnt want to have to be the one to start that conversation and have everyone either not get it, or just scream at me for falling for it, or treat me like i was being silly, i had always been supportive of my partners despite them being pedophiles, like it was Out Of Character for me, Juliet Capulet, to suddenly start caring when little girls date 20 year olds. i think that was the scariest possibility. it was easier to let that version of me just die, and all of my friendships i had made since 6th grade with it

but a few months ago i agreed to meet up with one of my old best friends again, someone i’d known since i was 12 and who was there the whole time and had met my ex, the adult man, a few times (we were already kinda drifting apart by that time anyways but still hung out infrequently)

and it was honestly mostly fine but at one point she asked me if i was still with him and i had to be like ‘no, he moved out 5 years ago’ (feels good to say that!!) and she literally was like 

‘awwwww how come? you had been together for so long ):’

and i just had to be         like                 ‘oh you know it happens haha!!! we just fell out of love i guess :3′

but i was just like. she’s literally been married and had a child since we stopped talking btw so like she’s very much a mature responsible adult woman now. and that was her reaction. ??????????? it was literally the reaction i was willing to cut her out of my life for 7 years because i was so afraid of and she fucking went for it. like.... i guess it just makes me proud of myself. because i’ve come so far and some people haven’t. and might not ever. even people i loved. even witnesses. even mothers and wives. and when i sit here and think ‘oh all i do is, sit here, and be an sjw, i’ve never had a real job or a car or a family or gone to college’, i just have to remind myself that emotional work, the work that goes into ComPleTely reinventing your entire worldview and the kind of shit you’re willing to put up with from society and your peers and your loved ones, is just as valid and just as tangible and deserves just as much recognition. still not very motivated to try getting back in contact with her or anyone else from my old friendgroup tho for a while lmfao sorry lads

edit: i didnt want to make another post just to say this but lmfao i looked at the post i reblogged abt this topic earlier today that made me think abt this again and im losing my mind at how ‘transparently fucking pathetic and selfish and utterly undesirable and know that women w more life experience will recognise those things about them immediately‘ could and should be engraved on my exes tombstone