#even the deaths of those closest to them because it's a sad fact of reality of the life they lead

[anticidic]

Do you think Dazai's ever run into Chuuya at the cemetery

Or even just like, Dazai noticed him from far away and went out of his way to avoid Chuuya to go pay respects to Oda because it's probably the most awkward and uncomfortable time they could be running into one another.

Chuuya doesn't notice because his back's turned and he's down on one knee with a bouquet of flowers in an iron grip, clearly occupied and even while Dazai reaches his destination, his attention keeps drifting to Chuuya up on the hill, silently praying for Chuuya to not turn around and see him.

But then they do run into each other because they take the same way out of the cemetery and they just exchange knowing glances. Like, of course Dazai knows what Chuuya's doing there, and vice versa.

The air is heavy and neither look any more at peace after paying respects, but that familiarity that neither are immune to processing grief years later brings a semblance of comfort.

[pan-ick]

Golden Child Pt. 1

I literally can't remember where I found it but I read a headcannon for an angsty SBI +Reader and I loved it so much that I had to write something similar to it but I think I might have forgotten to like it, so if you know what the original is please tell me so I can credit them I was partially inspired by@helliontherapscallion's "Adrenaline Junkie" series, simply for the fact that because of them i haven't stopped thinking of inventor reader. Also let's just pretend that uh my human biology degree isn't going to waste by me writing blindness incorrectly ha ha. This is a purely fictional way that blindness works.

(REMINDER YOU IDIOT, FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS STORY: Wilbur is 26, Techno is 20, Tommy is 16, Phil is 32, SO READER IS 22, GET IT RIGHT AND STOP MESSING UP)

As soon as Y/N's wings started developing, they were instantly the favorite child. Philza still showed his love to Wilbur, but nowhere near as much as he did to his winged child. If he had to choose between spending time with them or Wilbur, he'd pick them in a heartbeat. Wilbur was usually upset when this happened, but he had gotten used to it and had learned ways to cope with it.

This was until Techno showed up. On their doorstep. Next to a freezing Philza who had sacrificed most his warmth to the young piglin. Wilbur had his thoughts on this, yhough he kept them to himself. But Y/N couldn't be happier! This meant a new friend, AND they were right when they said that Phil was just a nice person, there wasn't a favorite child! Right?

They quickly realized that Techno wasn't their friend, as the first interaction they had together was them getting a claw to the face by the piglin. Philza just simply sighed and made sure the wound would stop bleeding before tending back to the scared pig.

Y/N was only eight at the time, they didn't know what they were feeling. But whatever it was didn't feel good.

Since that day, Y/N was the new Wilbur and 'Technoblade' was the golden child. Y/N wanted the spotlight back, so they tried hard at everything. Nothing ever worked. Nothing was better than what Techno could do. Nothing was more amazing than Techno's knowledge, or his skills in fighting, or his odd way of speaking, or those stupid things that he did, or the fact that he'd always blame it on some 'voices' in his head. That he had a God complex. That he was better than Wilbur. He was better than Tommy. He was better than you...

He was always better than you. Of course. Thats what you felt when you first met. Not amazement, not the happiness of having another friend. Of course not. It was overwhelming jealousy. But he was your brother, so you had to suck it up just like Wilbur did.

But soon enough, they came to peace with this. They moved on and worked on what they actually enjoyed, not what Philza enjoyed. Mechanics. Phil would have killed you if he learned of all the dangers that you put yourself through to consider yourself an inventor. Or.... Would he?

One day your older brother approached you with his idea to create "L'manburg". At first you couldn't help but laugh. But when it was realized that Wilbur wasn't joking and that he had already recruited Tommy, they agreed to join the fight for freedom. It was a way to pay Wilbur back for being there for them, afterall.

Y/N never imagined the true horrors that they would have to go through so they could say a 'thank you' to Wilbur. They never even truly said it to him, L'manburg was already exploded and he was killed before they could say it to him. Not even saying it to Ghostbur was good enough.

Y/N was forced to suffer through watching her loved ones go mad. Sometimes, they would try coming up with inventions that could help her friends out, and some that could help some regular problems in the world for other people. Most of them didn't work, they were only able to produce goggles that could just barely help fully blind people see. But it was a step in the right direction.

Then doomsday came. Y/N didn't want to be part of it, they didn't want to even try hurting their father and younger brother. They aren't even sure how they came to that point.

Before they knew it, they were begging the man who once gave them anything in the world for him to stop. The whole server was one big family especially everyone in the homes he was about to destroy. But what they wanted didn't matter anymore. It's what Technoblade wanted, and he wanted blood.

At the last moment, Y/N remembered Friend. Ghostbur would be devastated if Friend died.

Falling down to the ground from the small warning of TNT, Friend flooded their mind.

If they couldn't save L'Manburg, they needed to save Friend. Ghostbur wasn't the same, but Ghostbur is Wilbur. They still never said thank you. They have to show their gratitude through the miracle of Friend surviving.

And so that's what they set off to do. With no mind to their own self-preservation, Y/N got up and flew as fast as they could to save Friend. But before they could reach the sheep, a large pile of rubble fell on one of their wings, almost snapping it right off. Y/N tried to get it off but to no avail, and their whole body wasn't safe. As they saw more rubble they crouched down while covering their head with their hands and covering the undamaged wing with their body, they prepared for impact.

The last thing they could speak out was almost incomprehensible.

"Wil..... Will...... Ghosbu.............. Tommy.......... Dad............."

And then everything went black. Y/N couldn't see or feel anything. Not even after her youngest brother, the ghost of her older brother, and the three fiances of the SMP untrapped them. There was nothing.

After what felt like years for the brothers, there was finally a glimpse of Y/N waking up. But they continued to drift in and out of consciousness and whenever someone tried communicating they were completely unresponsive.

During this amount of time, it was agreed that it was in their best interest for their wings to be removed. They were both utterly useless now after being crushed and would just be extra weight with unnecessary pain that can be avoided the sooner their wings get removed. Just in case Y/N was still aware of everything going on, they were put under amnesia to lower the chance of them feeling the agony of a wing removal surgery.

Slowly Y/N began more responsive to people, but never to the same amount. Everyone that took care of them were absolutely heartbroken when they figured out part of the rock that fell on them damaged a vital organ that allowed a person to see. Luck was in fact on their side for damaging their eyesight instead of the brain, however most people didn't see it that way.

Ghostbur took it upon himself to become Y/N's seeing-eye dog. He missed having Friend nearby and Y/N was the thing he connected to the most after Friend's death.

After a few months of trying to get used to no longer having sight or wings Y/N was finally allowed back in their lab with a large amount of supervision from Ghostbur. While carefully running their hands across some unfinished inventions, Y/N comes across the goggles that they made at least a year ago. It immediately smarked a memory deep within their brain, the closest thing they had felt to seeing something ever since doomsday.

"Ghostbur, what color are these?" "Oh, they're blue. Blue's a really nice color, it reminds me of Friend. Do you remember Frien- Why are you looking down at those like that? Would you like some blue, it takes your sadness away! Wait dont put them on, the glass has cracks!" Y/N snickers as the ghost tries to take them away from them without being super forceful, "I'm already blind, what's the worst it can do?"

"Dont say that!" Ghostbur gasps, "We will find a way to get your vision back, those goggles might make it impossible!"

"I made these around the time you first showed up. I ran multiple tests with them and I was able to help a blind person see the world again. Sure, it was very blurry, hard to distinguish a lot of colors from each other, we have a different kind of blindness, and its been more that a year since I last tested them, but they might still work." Y/N explains, then they turn their back to Ghostbur and put the goggles on. This time, Ghostbut only makes a sound in protest.

Blinking, Y/N could feel the stimulation in their brain that they lost along with their eyesight come back. They moved their hands from the position they were in to put the invention on to Y/N's line of sight, and they could see their hands again. Fuzzy, shapeless, hands with a few bandaids and many scars on them.

"So, are they working?"

The voice of your brother brings Y/N back to reality and they turn to look at him. They had completely forgotten what Ghostbur looked like, only remembering vaguely what child Wilbur looked liked and a brief description of how Ghostbur's appearance differed for Wilbur's.

Y/N wraps their arms around the Ghost, not actually hugging but just doing the motion to where they would hug a person they could actually touch, as they tried to not cry in front of him.

(WOOOOOO THIS ENDED UP A LOT LONGER THAN I EXPECTED AND I'M NOT EVEN DONE YET, SO I SEPARATED IT INTO TWO PARTS)

[doppel-drop-distance]

Doppel Spotlight: Giovanna

Surprise~!

I know, I know, about time, right? The hypothetical Soul Gem has broken, and the Doppel Spotlights are back from the dead! Er…temporarily, anyway. I can’t say for certain how many more of these I’m up to doing just yet. It’s a bit too early for me to make any big estimates or guarantees. But! This Doppel analysis has sat here unfinished for quite some time now! And you all have shown such lovely support that I couldn’t help but be excited looking at all this old material again. So as a gift to you all, let’s finally analyze the Doppel of our main protagonist, Iroha Tamaki!

This analysis will contain spoilers for all of Magia Record’s first arc! This does include anime-specific content, as I will be discussing certain scenes from Episodes 5 and 7! You have been warned!

Let’s dive in, shall we?

GIOVANNA

Doppel of Silence

Feature: Cuckoo

“The master of this emotion is aware of how pitiful her Doppel is and refuses to look at it. This Doppel wordlessly wraps around and strangles anything it doesn't want to hear as it continues its search for something to fill the hole in its heart. While it should be calling for someone, it is cowardly and afraid of acknowledging the reality it has concealed, and so it remains, silently covering its ears.”

It's been a while, so how about we start things off with a little refresher?

Both Giovanna and Campanella’s names are direct references to Night on the Galactic Railroad, a Japanese novel written by Kenji Miyazawa. In the story, a shy boy named Giovanni travels on a star-bound train with his close friend, Campanella. To keep things brief, I’ll leave most of the general plot details out. However, if you’d like a lengthier summary, I suggest reading the summary I provided in the previous Doppel Spotlight, which is linked here.

I should also mention I actually located an English-translated copy of Night on the Galactic Railroad! As a result, I can quote the story directly, although I cannot guarantee the accuracy of the translations or my own interpretations. Please keep that in mind as you read!

The opening scene of the novel establishes early on that Giovanni is a reserved, self-conscious boy. In class, he is certain he knows the answer to the teacher’s question. However, when called on, he doubts himself and stays silent, bringing upon the jeers of his classmates. Campanella, who also raised his hand for the question, willingly chooses not to answer, despite also knowing, in order to show some sympathy for the flustered Giovanni.

This opening scene is likely what is referenced in Giovanna’s nature as the Doppel of silence. Giovanni stays silent out of self-doubt, and as a result believes himself to be pathetic. Iroha also silences herself in her own way, being very passive, self-conscious, and reserved at the beginning of her story. And, true to that comparison, her Doppel’s reflections of insecurity make her feel pitiful, to the point where she refuses to look at it.

Giovanni’s character can also be representative of Iroha’s inner loneliness. With his mother sickly and his father out of the house, Giovanni is too occupied with taking jobs and caring for his family to have time to talk. More often, he is bullied by his peers. The only exception is with Campanella, who doesn’t bully him, and even sympathizes with him. As Giovanni and Campanella travel on the Galactic Railroad, Giovanni’s loneliness is at its clearest. Campanella begins talking to Kaoru, another passenger on the train, and Giovanni becomes morose with jealousy. See this quote here:

“Is there really nobody who will stick with me to the edges of the universe and beyond? Campanella just sits there jabbering away with that little girl, and it hurts me more than anybody knows.”

Iroha is also incredibly lonely, deep down. She lives on her own, with parents away on business trips. The anime implies she doesn’t have a lot of friends either, with her classmates talking behind her back instead. Worst of all, her sister, who she values more than anyone else, is completely absent, Iroha being the only one that remembers that she exists. Such relationships sound awfully lonely, don’t they? It’s only through her bond with Yachiyo and the rest of Mikazuki Villa that Iroha grows into her own, letting her optimism, warmth, and confidence shine through.

Giovanna’s connections to Giovanni tie her quite close to Campanella, Yachiyo’s Doppel. And, well, Yachiyo is certainly not the kind and sympathetic Campanella at first meet. Her first encounter with Iroha is cold, brutally honest, and fully intent on keeping Iroha out at any cost. We learn later on that this attitude is a wall Yachiyo puts up to protect people – that she believes the people that get close to her die, and that she still struggles with the guilt of her past. Yet, it is Iroha who shows sympathy to Yachiyo, breaking down that wall between them. For example, let’s take a look at Chapter Six. After a trip to the Memory Museum Uwasa, Yachiyo has been reminded of the death in her life and is reflexively closing herself off again to keep Iroha safe. Iroha once shriveled up in response to Yachiyo’s intimidating rejection, but now, as her friend, she isn’t having it. She says this:

“You saying there’s nothing you can do to help Tsuruno and the others… It makes me feel sad…Lonely…We fought together all this time…But more than that, I’m angry. I’m angry with you, Yachiyo...”

“I’m your friend, Yachiyo. And as your friend, I’m going to take out that Uwasa, all on my own! I’m going to be the one to protect you. I’ll smash this made-up idea you have of me sacrificing myself for you!”

Just as Giovanni interprets his journey with Campanella as a sign to stay diligent in life, Iroha’s friendship with Yachiyo allows her to steady her own resolve and fight adamantly. Their namesake connection is a sign of their bond, and their newfound devotion to fight together and protect each other.

To wrap up this Galactic Railroad talk, have you noticed that in many of the anime’s early episodes, Iroha is riding on a train? In fact, it is on a train that Iroha is whisked away to Zenobia’s Barrier in Kamihama, where she meets Yachiyo for the first time. Perhaps a stretch, but a fun little detail regardless.

Anyway, there’s far more to Giovanna than story connections! Giovanna’s silent nature reflects a lot of Iroha’s character struggles: mainly, her feelings of denial, and her inclination towards self-sacrifice.

“This Doppel wordlessly wraps around and strangles anything it doesn't want to hear as it continues its search for something to fill the hole in its heart. While it should be calling for someone, it is cowardly and afraid of acknowledging the reality it has concealed, and so it remains, silently covering its ears.”

When you think of someone “strangling anything it doesn’t want to hear”, concealing their own reality and being afraid of acknowledging it...well, that sounds a lot like someone who doesn’t want to accept the truth.

Iroha shows quite a bit of denial in her search for Ui. The odds are stacked against her for a lot of Arc 1. She finds little to no clues wherever she searches, and the Ui she encounters from the Uwasa of the Commoner’s Horse is only a fake. Iroha is certain that Touka and Nemu, Ui’s closest friends, will remember Ui. But, they do not, and only ridicule Iroha for her seemingly impossible set of memories. Throughout Chapter Ten she is belittled for sticking to her goals. She’s ensured on all fronts that Touka and Nemu aren’t believing her, and that there’s nothing she can do to change their minds. But, no matter how many times Iroha is told by the world that she’s believing in a lie, she never lets her belief go.

“I’m still going. No matter what you say. I’m bringing Ui back with me…She’s the whole reason I came back to Kamihama.”

This stubborn determination, when twisted by the corrupt perception of a Witch, is far more like paranoid desire: an aching, fearful need to find whatever is missing in her heart and get rid of whatever threatens it.

Following this, let’s talk about Giovanna’s feature: a cuckoo. Cuckoos are solitary birds, shy and secretive, and best known for their calls. Yet, Giovanna’s beak is tied up with cloth. She cannot call for anyone. Her journey to find Ui is painted as one of futility: Giovanna searches and searches for the one she’s longed for, but in the end, is too afraid to call out to her.

Here’s a fun detail, by the way:

In Episode 5, when Iroha summons her Doppel for the first time, Giovanna actually does not have bandages around her beak (which is why she’s able to let out that high-pitched shriek):

In future appearances, however, Giovanna does have the bandages around her beak.

Come to think of it, Giovanna looks rather... different in her first appearance, doesn’t she? Not only is her beak not bandaged, but her colors are a lot redder and more decayed, her cloak is worn and full of holes, and the crown around her head is gone. This may just be a stylistic choice for Iroha’s first Doppel, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s a sign for something else. Maybe that Giovanna is angry with the Commoner’s Horse Uwasa for projecting an illusion of Ui? Giovanna does fight a lot more aggressively here than in any other appearance, after all - she wraps the Uwasa up and drills into it with her beak. Meanwhile, in her second appearance, she only attacks an Uwasa with her bandages.

Giovanna’s unwillingness to call for others actually brings up an interesting facet of Iroha’s character: her sacrificial devotion. The reason that Iroha unleashes her Doppel in Episode 5 is because she neglects her own needs in favor of others. She believes that she must be strong on her own to find Ui, a thought reflected by her own Doppel’s words in Episode 7:

“Stronger…If you don’t become strong, you won’t be able to find anything! Cover your ears! Shut those eyes! Silence determines fate!”

When Iroha fails to find Ui within the Uwasa of the Commoner’s Horse, she is filled with despair. Ui was right before her eyes, proving the beliefs that even she may have begun to doubt. Yet, in that same instant she recognizes the Ui she sees is nothing but an illusion the Uwasa projected for her. So close, and yet so far. When Iroha begins to succumb to her despair, she even mentions that it might��ve been from the shock of not seeing Ui.

With all of these feelings, all of this disappointment and despair, who does Iroha use her only Grief Seed on? Yachiyo, of course. At this point in the story, Iroha wants to be friends with Yachiyo, but they are not seen as equals. She is not comfortable enough to open up to Yachiyo about her feelings, and neither is Yachiyo with her own. Yet, Iroha still sacrifices herself to keep Yachiyo from falling to despair. And by staying silent about her own woes, Iroha falls to her despair for the first time, summoning her Doppel.

Let’s keep this topic in mind and focus on something I haven’t addressed before: the Magia Archive artbook! There are some production notes in here that provide insights on the meaning and symbolism behind a Doppel. Unfortunately, I don’t know Japanese, but I did find a translation of Giovanna’s section, courtesy of @greenyvertekins. Here is a small piece from it that I would like to highlight:

“The motif is a bird flute and a saint with a rabbit-like appearance.”

The theme of a “saint” struck me as a little odd, at first. I wasn’t sure where I was supposed to get that idea from her design. But, it did lead me to a unique little find, which is probably a stretch, but maybe kind of cool anyway?

(credit to Silvermoon424 on Reddit for the scan!)

It’s a bit harder to see in the official art, but that crown circling Giovanna’s head – to me, it sort of looks like a crown of thorns. A crown of thorns is a very striking sign of self-sacrifice.

And sure, this is the stretchiest stretch that ever stretched, but those drop-like patterns on Giovanna’s body are red, and kind of look like drops of blood, right? Beads of blood that have also been associated with the crown of thorns, r-right? Right…?

Phew…I’ve been going on for a while, haven’t I? Is this…is this longer than the first one? I don’t even know anymore…Let’s silently wrap this up with one more, fun little stretch on my part.

Both cuckoos and bunnies, which are elements of Giovanna’s design, are symbolically representative of spring. Spring is cherry blossom season in Japan, and the Eternal Sakura Uwasa lives near a cherry blossom tree only said to bloom when Touka, Nemu, Ui and Iroha are united again. At the end of the event Cherry Blossom Dreams, the Eternal Sakura even remarks that “spring can finally begin” because they are all together. So, if you squint really hard, maaaaybe the springtime connections here are representative of Iroha, Touka, Nemu, and Ui’s union under the cherry blossom tree. But probably not. I’m just having some fun.

And, that’s it! That’s all I’ve got for Giovanna! Wow! That sure was something!

I hope you all enjoyed my silly little analysis! I know some of these connections are a bit loose, but I like drawing whatever parallels I can with what understanding I have, haha. It was great to write one of these again and share it with you all!

If you have any of your own thoughts, additions, or corrections, do send them along! I would love to hear other interpretations!

[shelby-love]

MATT CASEY

Trapped in flames

Requested: yes

Prompts: none

Warning(s): angst

Author's note: I don't know what's up with these sad Matt one shots. They have my heart in pain I don't know how I'm surviving this.

This is part one, I haven't written part two for this because I'm leaving the ending up for you guys to decide. Comment down below or place your ideas into my ask box. Sad ending, happy ending? Or an ending that's a bit more sad but not death level sad? Or maybe even all of them! I'm giving you free reigns!

For now, I'll let you enjoy this.

PART // 2 //

~

“Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61. School fire. Southwest Street 12 32.”

Matt Casey would stand up and run to his truck without thinking, every time this rung out through the fire house.

Only this time it wasn’t that way. He sat frozen in his chair, words barely reaching his brain. But then it clicked, like a cold bucket of water was splashed on his face. “That’s Y/DN’s school...”

His colleges could do little close to nothing to soothe him. They each shared a sideward glance of worry before running to the vehicle, each one of them squeezing Matt's shoulder and murmuring reassurance.

Christopher was the only one that stood directly by his side. The feeling that brew inside Matt hit all too close to home. Knowing the fact that one day you'll have respond to your kids made each day at work more difficult than the one before. "She'll be alright. She has you for a dad."

With a nod the two of them separated and situated themselves in the vehicle. No one spoke

They only breathed heavily and left Matt alone with his thoughts, only listening to his occasional breakage when he demanded that the speed quickens.

Matt thought about his little daughter at that moment. His little girl whose pink backpack was almost as big as her, maybe even bigger than her.

Then his mind drifted to you. His beautiful wife who didn't even know what was going on in that moment.

***

Your neck cracked with a snap of your colleges fingers. She giggled like a school girl behind you, holding your swirly chair excitedly while you groaned in relief. Being hunched up over your desk the entire morning took a toll on you, and having one of your closest coworkers ease the pressure was close to heavenly.

"Your welcome," You heard her chirp as you smiles in delight.

Acting on pure instinct, you reached out to grab your phone that laid on a stack of unsigned papers close to a rose gold framed photo of your little family. You admired your daughters ringlets of hair and her toothy smile as you scrolled through your emails, looking for the one you needed to print out.

Although news came first. Aimlessly, you brushed your finger against the screen, briefly reading the black bolded letters of each article.

What caught your attention was an emergency article. One that stated a fire broke out and that people needed to avoid the streets. Not yet informed of everything and very much intrigued in which streets you should avoid and how big the damage is, you clicked open the article and what greeted you had your heart stopping.

You swallowed as the realization of the situation hit you where it hurts the most. Your heart.

"Y/N what's wrong? What happened?" The voice of your friend was drowned by the silence. Without thinking about it, you grabbed your car keys and sprinted outside.

One thing was on your mind.

Your daughter.

Was she safe?

Alive?

You brushed your tears away as you pulled your car in reverse and drove to the place you dropped her off this very morning.

***

When you arrived at the school the reality of the situation finally set in.

"My daughter is in there!" You yelled amidst the crowd. First responders were bustling around, children were crying and desperate parents like yourself were trying to push through and give comfort.

"Sorry ma'am but we can't let you through," The officer told you. Upon hearing those words you pushed the back of your hand against your mouth and sobbed, using your other hand to run it through you hair. "My little girl..."

On the other end of the grounds stood Wallace Boden, your and your husband's dear friend. His heart was beating wildly although not in a pace that matched your own. The 6 year old he held at birth was still lost in there somewhere and he lost all his time.

"That's it. Nobody else goes inside. This building is going to collapse-" Flames erupted at that moment, swallowing the building as a whole.

"Severide report!" He screamed.

"We have three victims chief! We're getting out now," His lieutenant reported.

"Casey! Casey report," His attention switched to Matt. Your husband still didn't see the daylight as he's been trapped inside for way too long. "Casey out now! That's an order."

Just as he said that did he get your attention. Bawling your hands into a fist you fought your way through to him, threatening to unleash warth on every police officer that tried to stop you.

"Wallace!" You ran toward the older man, whose heart immediately shattered at the sight of your red rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks. "Wallace please...Where is she?"

He bit his tounge, "She still hasn't come out."

"What about Matt? Where's Matt?"

At that moment you saw shadowy figures emerge from the smoke with little kids as small as your daughter in their arms. Protected and safe.

More tears sprung to your eyes as you took in the sight of him. Your husband. Matt ran to your arms immediately. "I'm here baby. I'm here..."

"I can't find her," he said, voice broken. You ignored the burning feeling of his uniform against your own clothes and buried your face in his neck. After a moment that lasted for a few short seconds you had enough time to collect yourself.

You kissed both of his eyes and brushed a finger against his damp cheek before leaving him be. "We heard voices in the East hallway. Chief I need 2 more minutes. Please."

Wallace shook his head, "This building is going to collapse. We gotta get water on that building and hope that she makes it."

His words had you on the floor, heart crushed. It felt as though the biggest piece of you was ripped away from you. A piece of your not even Matt could fuffil.

"I'll go with him," Severide volunteered. "Chief his kid is in there."

Just one look at you and Matt made his decision. He crouched down and grabbed your chin. "I'll get her out I promise."

And with that, he placed his mask over his face and ran out to get his miracle. The little girl that changed both of your lives for the better.

MASTERLIST

[chrstbll]

miracles and lucky days| ben hargreeves

(gif not mine) 

+tags: @lalisbitch @spaceclone-mom , @meowmeowrex23 @strangeyouthcrusade

plot: after coming back from the 60’s, instead of finding the sparrow academy, the group come face to face with a much more positive outcome of their actions.

                                                           -

The words of Klaus were diluted, inaudible and ringing loudly in your head. Your limbs could barely hold the weight of your body, and the nausea from jumping between timelines hitting your stomach didn’t quite put you at ease. All was blurry at first, not hearing nor seeing properly caused you to feel light-headed as well, but before your legs or your mind gave in, somebody strong arms held you up protectively.

- Are you good? – Diego’s gentle call for you brought you back to reality. He was always a little bit concerned about you. He didn’t show it in great actions, it was in the seemingly unimportant things he did for you. There wasn’t anything romantic involved between you two, instead of that it was a deep understanding of each another that made you appreciate the other significantly. You nodded to confirm that you were in fact all right, shrugging it off with a smile.

Klaus was right. After you successfully registered what he was saying, a wave of relief washed over your heart, mind, and soul. Your whole being. For once, all seven of you managed to successfully jump back to 2019 without any harm or mistake being done. It was quite unbelievable. A dreamlike scenario which proved itself to be nearly impossible to believe. Looking around the hall, everything seemed to be all right. It felt okay. The aura was intimately comforting, yet something was amiss. Different. Changed. It certainly was not a malicious ambiance that you discovered, but one new, something yet unexperienced thing. The others noticed it too, as all six of them were looking around suspiciously. Memories, feelings, and people rapidly invaded your mind, those you haven’t thought about a lot. Pogo? Grace? Are they okay now?

Luther suggested to enter the living room ahead of you, so that’s what you all mutually agreed to. Five was the one who went further on before you heroically and begged all of you to proceed with caution, because we don’t know what’s waiting for us there. The walk from the hall to the living room happened painfully slowly given that the feeling of uncertainty was sitting in one and all’s eyes and was at fault for your lack of speed. Upon realizing the academy was unnervingly noiseless, the anxiety birthed a huge lump in your throat, which you couldn’t swallow. Your heart was terrified from the possible negative outcome of this time jump. What if that moment of clarity and amenity was only a façade and was only felt because none of you faced reality in the short but drunk moment of arrival? Sometimes you thought about how nice it would be to just live without worry. To live in pure bliss, without a care in the world. Without a problem in the universe to solve. How astonishing it would be not to recall what loss, trauma, or sadness feels like. But then again, we would live in ignorance that way.

Turning towards the divans and sculptures in the living room, your attention automatically focused on the small moving figure, who was absentmindedly cleaning the shelves with dusting feathers. Recognition hit you like a truck, as the character of an ape appeared before you. Your breath hitched in your throat. Mercifully, it was a positive reaction, a sentiment you haven’t undergone in a long time.

- Pogo?! – Allison was the first one to call out their siblings’ friends’ name. Barely letting his name roll from her tongue, the sea of emotions instantly overthrew her, and tears stormed down her face. Their beloved guardian turned around in shock, he looked so puzzled, it was as he didn’t recognize the people in front of him. You feared that was the case. What if we screwed it up even more?

- Oh, children. I was waiting for you all to return – he’s spoken politely and gifted us with a kind smile, just like he always did. You almost forgot what a courteous and caring figure Pogo was. His scarce although deep voice reminded you of simpler times. A type of nostalgia which you subconsciously yearned for god knows how long. Everyone gathered around him in a matter of seconds, engulfing him in a suffocating hug. Pogo was still bewildered from the sudden act of affection, as you all were from seeing him alive and breathing, but in this instant of happiness, the questions why and how didn’t matter. What mattered was the present minute, what you currently knew as is.

And next, a voice broke the silence.

Who would dare to turn around first? Who wanted to confirm that the voice that was just heard from behind them, came from a legit source? On a serious note, was it even real? Your minds are only playing tricks on you. You were ecstatic for having Pogo back, but it would be too good to be true to turn around and see the possessor of the voice. We can’t have all the wonderful things. It never went that well for you. Your bodies turned stiff, and your feet were frozen on spot. But what made you fear to turn around? The horror of hearing something that’s not truly there or facing it bravely. Something…someone you haven’t faced in roughly two decades.

- What the hell took you guys so long? – the annoyance sounded so raw, hence genuine. You could hear and understand the words crystal clear; then why didn’t you believe your ears?

The group hug disassembled at a snail's pace and turned to face what they never expected to see ever again in their lifetime. You, on the other hand, had secretly wished for a moment like this. Your heart was aching for the chance, not caring about being rational nor delusional. It kept the faith in your soul steady.

- Please, tell me I’m not the only one who can see him – Klaus muttered.

- Ben – Diego confirmed in a hushed tone without letting out any more words as he didn’t need to. He was the bravest out of all of you to speak up.

So, there he stood in his monochrome outfit, with his black leather jacket hugging his form and a coy smile painted all over his face. The faint rosy cheeks, lively eyes and vivid emotions displayed told you everything. The Ben standing in front of you was very much real, and more importantly, alive, and well.

- All of you look like you’ve seen a ghost – he grinned from ear to ear, and his light-hearted joke legitimately freed your body from the tension which held you in your place so aggressively. Number Four didn’t hesitate one second longer, and slammed himself against his brother, who sweetly returned the embrace. Registering it, savouring it, then finally loving the physical contact, Klaus broke up in a hysterical laughter. The group succeeded to pull the strings in a way his death was luckily prevented. How the hell did we manage this? But he didn’t care. All that mattered was the present minute, what he currently knew as is.

- You’re telling me, man – his laugh slowly started to die down, but his joy only rose. Of course, a group hug was crucially needed and initiated effective immediately. Everyone surrounded him, and you held onto each other tightly, so he never slips away from your grasp again. You admitted it to yourself, that it felt heavenly, but more precisely, it felt so damn terrific. The others eventually backed away, but you stayed right in front of him.

- Hey, you – were all he needed to say for you to go flying into his arms – Where have you been? I missed you – his confession was a simple, warm, and loving anecdote, and it broke your heart in the best way possible.

You missed me?

Your loud sobbing, and ocean of tears was baffling and a mystery to him, and he looked at the others with a perplexed expression. They asked him to just let you be because they understood everything perfectly. Each tear was valid and every one of them had a reason. His arms were wrapped around your body, as he was shielding you from all the cruelty in this world. His embrace wasn’t tight, but fond and sensitive enough. You weren’t greedy at all; it was just all too marvellous. Hearing his stable beating heart as he held you close to his chest completely fulfilled you. A featherlight kiss was tenderly placed on your forehead by him, in an attempt to calm you down. It failed, as more droplets of salty water coated your apple-like cheeks. Even so, the kiss was given so compassionately, it must have come from heaven itself.

Maybe you were in Heaven. Maybe your life ended when you arrived in the hall. This isn’t real and I’m probably dead in Diego’s arms by now. But what if you accepted it as your reality now? You couldn’t believe it, even after feeling his touch and his kiss on your body. It might be because you thought you didn’t think your wish to see the person closest to your heart again would ever come true. After the horrific months you went through, it was certainly an impossibility to be gifted with something this enormous, significant, and joyous.

Maybe miracles and lucky days exist. Maybe they existed both on the same day in favour of you. I’ll accept this, I deserve this. You absolutely deserve to be happy and to drop the burden that’s been weighing on your soul for years. Nobody deserves to live their lives in inescapable guilt and grief. Having Ben back in all your lives meant the world to you. You were thinking about how you might have to fill him in on the details of the previous events, but that was a case for a later part of the day. For now, it was nice to bask in his love and warmth. You’ll care about every other issue later. This was the only feeling that mattered in that moment. Peace finally taking its rightful place back in your heart, which has been waiting for it for a long time now. He radiated pureness, an energy which was incomparable to anything else. Clutching his jacket was your anxiety making sure he doesn’t leave again. Maybe he was reading your thoughts, but at the same time he was realizing he’d never leave you even if it meant his life.

- I missed you too.

[wannabemobwife]

Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas - Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Blood is Thicker than Water

Dad!Mob!Tom x Mom!Mob!Reader

-Pairings: Tom Holland x Reader, Rosie Holland x Henry Osterfield, Rosie Holland x Linus Perry

-Warnings: References to sex, language, typos, sad thoughts, attempted suicide, vomiting

-Words: 4.4K

A/n: Thank you so mucg guys with all the live support. Finally done, yay, with part 1

Chapter 17: Blood is Thicker than Water

Words: 4.4K

Four years had passed and Rosie was the only one to stick around. Everything had changed. You and Tom were currently on your trip around the world. Traveling everywhere from Cuba to Greece. Taking in sights of the world.

Embarking on journey covering 3 continents and 10 countries so far. You had already visited the Taj Mahal in India, the Amalfi Coast for some sun, and Iceland just for the blue lagoon hot springs. You and Tom were having the time of your lives, it being the perfect distraction from everything back home.

Rosie was running the mob along with her new right hand and consigliere, Linus. Rosie had been taking on the mantle as the new leader of the Holland mob. Picking up where Parker left off. Trying to do him justice. Tom had helped her learn the ropes but she always had that fiery personality desired for a mob persona.

After four years, Rosie learned to embrace her grief instead of shoving it away, she began to visit Parker’s grave more and more. Tried to every week, but life got in the way. She would bring a new set of flowers to freshen up the old ones.

She knew today would be especially hard, every year it was impossible. Rosie could barely get through the day. Today was her 20th birthday, marking 4 years of celebrating without Parker.

Rosie and Henry’s relationship had grown into one full of misery. Trapped in a loveless relationship, but he was still her best friend. With just one look he would know what she was thinking.

Over the past couple years, Henry has been so obsessed with keeping her safe that it was driving her mad. Rosie understood that Henry didn’t want to lose her like he lost Parker, but Rosie ran a mob and danger followed her everywhere. They started drifting apart when everything happened with the Holland family, creating unfixable cracks in their foundation.

Lately, Rosie had been feeling someone watching her every move. Following her whenever she would be downtown. Feeling a presence she hasn’t felt in a while. Constantly shivering in fear, feeling as though she was observed. From then on, every move she made was calculated and thought out.

When Rosie first took on the mantle, she cleaned house. Eliminating those whose loyalty would always lie with Tom. Trying to affirm the fact that she was so much more than just Tom’s daughter. She had let William go and few others because she brought in Linus.

Even after starting her new regime, things have been a bit off, lately. She hasn’t been sleeping through the night. She’d jolt out of sleep, drenched in a cold sweat. Henry would be startled awake as well by her movement as move to comfort her.

“Roo, you okay?” Henry asked groggily, yawning a bit. Rosie gasping to catch her breath. Her dreams were supposed to be an escape but now they were doing more harm than good. “I don’t know. I keep having these dreams about Parker. Like he was trying to tell me something,” Rosie said, gathering her bearings. It wasn’t everyday she was visited by her deceased twin brother. “From beyond the grave?…Rosie, he’s gone,” Henry pondered. “I know, I just can’t shake this feeling. That he is… he’s.”

“What? Still alive? Honey, we buried him. You cried over him. If he was still alive don’t you think we would’ve shown his face by now. Wilson and Carter are gone, they have been for awhile now,” Henry explained, hoping it would bring her some solace. Henry wasn’t blind to the change in her demeanor, she did open up to him about being followed everywhere she went. “I guess you’re right. But my dreams feel so real,” Rosie whispered, lying back down. Ready to drift off into a deep sleep. One not tainted by the memory of Parker. “Go, back to sleep baby.” Henry said, he knew they would be getting up in a few hours anyway. Tomorrow was a very big day. Henry knew he and Rosie had been drifting but he was all set to give her the best birthday ever.

Henry had bought tickets for you and Tom to fly in for her birthday and stay for awhile. This time of year was hard for all of you but it wasn’t fair to Rosie. The day that is supposed to be about her has always been shared but now no one dared acknowledge it. It was just a reminder of what had been lost.

“Good morning, beautiful. Happy birthday,” Henry whispered, peppering her face in kisses as the morning sun shone through the curtains.

“Thank you,” Rosie sighed. Every year was a challenge. It got a little better every year but she knew she would never fully accept his absence.

“What do you have planned today?” Henry inquired, he was always one for big gestures. He absolutely hated that she no longer enjoyed her birthday.

As a kid she loved the idea of turning a year older, getting to grow up and getting loads of presents of course. You always made the priority of throwing the most perfect themed parties for Rosie and Parker. One year they had a pirate themed pool party with a treasure hunt and another a circus/carnival theme with fair games and a petting zoo. You loved going all out for their birthday. Just spoiling them in general.

Rosie and Parker, also Tom, can’t forget about him, made life worth living. You and Tom did everything for your kids, never wanting them to feel an ounce of sadness.

But the times had changed, you were no longer the mother to a son. It was just Rosie and you thanked God everyday that she was still there but your heart will forever be scarred.

Scars take forever to heal, sometimes never. There will never be a day when you don’t miss Parker or he doesn’t cross your mind. Everything you did from the moment he died was for him, in one way or another. You knew the grief would never stop but you hoped Rosie would one day be able to move on with life.

“You know…” Rosie murmured. “Oh yeah, say hi for me,” Henry nodded along remembering Rosie was going to spend the day next to her better half, Parker.

Rosie proceeded to get dressed and ready for the day. She wore a tight grey dress showing off the perfect curves of her body. And a pair of black high heels to complete her power woman ensemble. “Henry, you aren’t throwing me a party right? I really don’t want one,” Rosie inquired. Rosie would prefer to have all birthdays pass and wash away but she knew Henry wouldn’t allow that. At the most she would have a nice dinner with him and watch a movie.

“You’ll just wait to find out,” Henry grinned cheekily. In reality he was throwing her surprise party to help her find the joy in her birthday again.

“Henry seriously, not this year,” Rosie announced. “It’s never any year. You haven’t celebrated in 3 years. You need to get over this.”

“Get over what? The death of my twin brother?” Rosie asked, astounded at Henry’s previous statement. The nerve he had, wow.

“Roo, I’m sorry,” Henry tried to apologize but Rosie left in a huff.

“Talk later, Linus is waiting for me,” Rosie yelled, already walking out of the room. “Linus, you ready to go?” Rosie said, as she found him drinking coffee in her kitchen. He sat at the bar, legs dangling off the chair as she came down. “Yes, Roo,” he said, a little out of breath from taking the awe of her beauty.

“Please don’t call me that around Henry… What’s on the agenda?” Rosie asked Linus as she poured herself her own cup of coffee.

“Well, Shaw owes you 3 million and the deadline you gave him expired,” Linus explained, he knew Rosie hated having things held over her head. She would prefer to get them out of the way as soon as possible.

“Well then, let’s go pay him a visit. I could use a drink. Afterwards, can you drop me off at the cemetery?” “Of course, Roo,” Linus said. Rosie huffed in response, rolling her eyes at the name. Linus loved to get a rise out of Rosie. Her remarks to his comments were just a sign of their playful banter.Rosie’s relationship with Linus was complicated. They were partners, most of the time.

Rosie had gone really dark over the past years. There were days where she refused to get out of bed. Sitting in bed wasting the entire day away. Henry would come home from work and try his best to comfort her but after Parker he was just as lost as her. They lived in the same house but not truly together. Not as lovers, maybe as roommates.

All Rosie could feel were thoughts of hopelessness, desolation, and misery. Never being able to find that light at the end of the tunnel. She didn’t deserve to find it, thinking she was the one who pushed you and Tom away. Blaming herself for Parker. All these feelings and Henry wasn’t there, too busy with his own life.

One day, Rosie had gotten real low. Couldn’t find a way out so she went to the gun room grabbed the closest pistol, a bottle of scotch, a glass and sat in Tom’s office. She rested on Tom’s chair trying to find the will to end it all. To point the pistol and pull the trigger.

It would be so easy, the flick of a finger. No more pain. She tried not to think about everything she was giving up. Never seeing you or Tom again, or Henry. Never loving him again, if they ever did manage to find their way back to each others arms. Never experiencing the things that made life worth living.

All her thoughts were halted as Linus barged in. He stopped dead in his tracks as he saw the broken girl hold a gun unto her temple, its safety clicked off. The room was cold as an icy chill ran down his spine.

“Rosie, what are you doing!?!” Linus thundered, trying to stop her before she pulled the trigger. “I don’t know. I think I’m trying to end it all,” Rosie whispered as tears streamed down her face. Deep down she didn’t want to pull the trigger, she wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

“End what all? Your life?” Linus asked, trying to talk her off the metaphorical ledge. Something had to happen that pushed her to this point. Rosie had to be drowning and calling out for help but no one came. “No, it was never about killing myself. It was just about ending the pain and suffering,” she cried.

“Rosie, listen to me. There is so much more you have to live for. This will pass. Think about everything you are giving up.” Linus tried to appeal to the people she loved, you, Tom, and Henry. Losing Rosie would no longer make you a mother. How could Rosie take that away from you?

“I already have and it hasn’t, for 2 years. How do you know it will get any better?” Rosie begged for a true answer. She had been slumping around, letting the days pass her by as she stood silent, screaming non-vocally for help. Trapped in an asylum of misery. “I don’t. But I’ll be there to help you,” Linus exclaimed, giving her the truthful response she wanted. Rosie just needed to hear that she wasn’t alone in this world anymore. “No, you won’t. You’ll just leave like everyone else. Henry doesn’t love me anymore. My parents left. I’m all alone.” “Roo, you aren’t alone. Just hand me the gun and we can work this out. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be here,” Linus pleaded. That was the first time he had used that nickname. The name had been reserved for only Henry, Parker and you. In that moment Rosie saw someone she missed so dearly in Linus, Parker. Parker was the only person who was 100% there for her. He was there to talk her off the ledge. He was there at her weakest and in a split second he was standing in front of her.

Rosie gave in, removing the gun from her temple, clicking the safety one and handing it over. She slowly stood up, coming over to Linus and collapsed in his arms. Rosie whispered a small “I missed you” as he held the broken girl. He was the only one who could pull her out. Not Henry, god she wished it was Henry. Linus understood her pain and didn’t try to fix everything.

Henry was the opposite. Constantly worrying about Rosie and trying to find a solution for everything. Things from the slightest backache to feelings of hopelessness. Rosie didn’t need fixing she just needed to be heard and Linus made sure she was. At Harmon’s, the bar was quite empty. Just Shaw and a few of his men. Shaw has borrowed money from Rosie to clear of a few charges. The Holland name had some pull in the legal community. Dating back to Dom’s days but Tom mostly laid down roots.

Linus entered first, firing two shots to take out Shaw’s capos. “Jesus Christ,” yelled Shaw as his protection thudded against the floor.

Rosie followed Linus in, making her presence known, “Shaw, you know I’m not a fan of people not staying true to their word. Do you have my money?”

“Rosie, doll. I paid you in full already. If this just your sad attempt to stir something up we can work this out another time. Shoo, let me finish my drink,” Shaw snickered. “Shaw, I know your games. You have 3 minutes to transfer my money right now. One for each million. I have Linus checking for a deposit of 3 million, make this simple and do it,” Rosie stated with an unchanging expression. “I need more time, that’s not enough. It’s all in separate accounts,” Shaw asserted, his voice starting to waver as he stared down the barrel of her pistol. “Well then, I’d hurry if I were you. Here’s your phone. Just wire the money… Starting now,” Rosie exclaimed as Linus devoted his stare to watch. Glancing at the seconds tick away.

“Fine, I’m going,” Shaw screamed, about to crack under the pressure.

“2 minutes left,” Linus chimed in. “Okay, I’m just inputing the dollar amount, it’s a lot of zeros.” Shaw tried to explain. He was about to lose his life because he was slow.

“50 secs.”

“I’m going, I’m going.”

“10, 9, 8, 7, 6—“

“I’m done,” Shaw said, letting out the breath he was holding.

“That was fast but not fast enough,” Rosie whispered raising her gun square to the back of his head. Her finger slipped to the trigger and fired a shot.

BANG

“Wow, I didn’t think you actually kill him,” Linus said, impressed by her ruthlessness.

“He was getting on my nerves, besides he will never borrow money from me again if he is dead,” Rosie chuckled. “You know I found that really hot,” Linus whispered in her ear. “You always do.” Rosie grinned at his advances, trying to pull her close to his chest. “Hey, this can’t keep happening.”

“Oh, come on. You say that every time. I can’t hide my feelings for you anymore.”

“Well, you are going to have to. I was clear about what this was. So I’m going to ask you this once more time, what do you want?” “I want you.” “Well you can have me in the bathroom in 2 minutes.” “Roo, you’re too good to me,” Linus smirked, following her as she glided to the restroom.

Everything lasted about 30 mins. They were in and out in a flash. The bar now smelled of sex and a dead bodies. Linus was the first to finish, coming out of the bathroom looking disheveled as hell. Sporting the same juts had a quickie look. Linus went to pull the car around after fixing his hair in the mirror.

Linus would never be Henry and that was a good thing, Linus was different. By no circumstances was Rosie in love with Linus or will ever be in love with him, he was merely a distraction. Rosie knew her relationship with him was wrong but he made her feel alive once more.

Rosie emerged from bathroom breathing heavy, almost gasping for air, with sweat glistening on her chest. She straightened out her dress as combed down her hair. Stepping out of the doorway, the smell of a fresh rotting body hit her.

Rosie immediately turned around and lunged for the toilet. She had been in the business for 3 years and never before had her body reacted this way. She hurled into the toilet for a good ten minutes. Eventually bringing her head out of the toilet bowl to wipe off her mouth. The air was now coupled with sex, dead bodies and vomit. She was clueless to what forced her to keep her head in a toilet bowl.

After her nausea spell passed her, she had Linus drop her off near the cemetery. “Oh, you can drop me off here. I need something from the pharmacy anyways,”Rosie informed Linus. She was planning on picking up something for her stomach, it was very unlikely for her to throw up suddenly.

“Ok, Roo. Do you need a ride home?” Linus questioned.

“No, Jared is supposed to pick me up. Thank you,” Rosie exclaimed, getting out of the car. “Alright. Happy birthday by the way. Can I have a kiss goodbye?” “Thank you and no. I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah for the party,” Linus called out slowly driving away. “Wait! What did you say?” Rosie remarked but he was already long gone.

Rosie was mentally kicking herself, she didn’t have the willpower to deal with a party tonight. She specifically told Henry, not to throw one but since when did he listen to her.

Their road to ultimately heartbreak was a two way street. Both of them had done something to warrant the loveless relationship. Rosie admitted to herself, that she eventually did stop trying. She stopped constantly asking if Henry wanted to go out for dinner and what time he would be home. Rosie prefers to blame Henry but in reality, she was then one who let go first.

Rosie stopped showing him love, too distraught by his every move because it was a constant reminder her brother wasn’t there anymore. Henry would try to work him into every little conversation, remembering Parker in everything. It grew too much for Rosie. Rosie had never been one for confronting her feelings, preferring to shove them down but how could she, when Henry would never shut up about Parker.

Parker was the main reason a wedge had been driven between them, but she wouldn’t dream of blaming her dead brother. Who couldn’t even defend himself. Rosie needed a reset after Parker but Henry was stuck living in the past.

Rosie was ready to start her life with Henry after graduation but he couldn’t let go. After a while, Rosie became just like him. Stuck drifting into a void of pure sadness. Rosie couldn’t let go, along with Henry. Their lives went in different directions, Rosie was blossoming into a ruthless leader who would only act soft around Parker, vowing to visit his grave everyday. And Henry got left behind at some point, not seeing how he fit in her life anymore.

In the pharmacy she scanned the aisles for some sort of quick remedy. If Henry was throwing her a surprise party, one she specifically asked not for. Rosie didn’t have days to recuperate, maybe a few hours.

She found the largest bottle of Pepto-Bismol and stopped by the card aisle. Carefully grasping a birthday card for her favorite person. One that was funny yet endearing. Parker was addicted to all the corned jokes she would crack. She made her way to the register. In front of her stood a little old woman, she wore a purple floral dress and her white stained hair was pulled into a clip.

“Just this for you sweetie? Oh, who’s birthday is it?” Asked the little lady, referring to the birthday card Rosie grabbed for Parker.

“My brother’s and um, could I also get this,” Rosie responded as her eyes glanced below her. Skimming over the candy bars, gum packets and eventually landing on a pregnancy test. Come to think of it, Rosie was late about a week and a half.

“Of course, honey. Would you like to use the restroom?” Queried the lady. Rosie nodded in response. She finished paying and quickly made her way to the restroom. Following the directions on the box carefully, she needed to be a hundred percent sure, before she told anyone.

Right around the corner was the cemetery. She glided through iron gates, walking across the cobble stone path before she came upon the place she loved most in the world. The place where she would hold nothing back, spilling everything to him.

Life of a mob boss was dangerous but things started to seem eerie for Rosie. She would feel weird presences or someone watching her at eerie times. The same feeling plagued her at the cemetery, today. She knelt down to the headstone, engraved in it read “Here Lies Parker Jackson Holland, Taken from us too soon, a son, a brother, and a friend.”

“Hey, P. You probably get tired of me visiting you. Everyday I’m here and sometimes I think I do it for my benefit more than yours. I hope that wherever you are, you are happy and most likely you are with Charlotte. I’m happy for you, Parker. No matter how much I wish you were here with me, I know that you are happy that you escaped this life. Happy 20th birthday.” Rosie whispered, fixing the flowers that began to wilt from yesterday.

“I have some really amazing news to share with you, but it will have to wait till next time. You can’t be the first person I tell, I’m sorry. He deserves to know before you…. Oh my god, you’ll never believe what happened at work…”

This is the one thing that brought Rosie solace. She persistently blames herself for that fateful night 3 years ago. Rosie would spend hours kneeling next to his headstone. She would tell him about her life and read off the postcards you and Tom sent from your travels. Talking to him as if he was still there.

Rosie glanced at her watch, it was half past five and she hadn’t even called Jared yet to pick her up. “I’m sorry P, I gotta go. Henry, god love him but, that bastard is throwing me a birthday party. I guess I should at least make an appearance. I’ll see you tomorrow, I love you.” Rosie said, walking towards the parking lot.

She stood under the gate for ten minutes waiting for Jared to arrive and escort her home. The weather completely shifted as the sun set around her. The once blue sky changed to one painted with vibrant yellows and pinks. The sky was a sight not to be missed but she could do without the freezing winds that accompanied.

A chill ran down her spine as she waited in the darkness. Feeling a sensation that only warranted panic. Rosie felt someone watching her once again. Maybe from a far or up close, but she definitely wasn’t alone. It was silly that she let feelings like those get to her. She was a mob boss for god sakes, scaring even the most menacing of men into submission.

Rosie eyes started darting everywhere a noise left. In the corner of her eye she caught a figure drenched in shadows approaching. She tried to scramble for her gun, but soon realized she left it in Linus’s car.

The stranger kept making advances and managed to get to her. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed a cloth to her mouth. Causing her to be consumed in darkness as her body grew limp.

Back at the manor, Henry was setting everything up perfectly. His mission was to make Rosie love her birthday once more. While Henry was working hard at hanging the birthday banner and decorating every corner with balloons, Linus was no help at all. Lounging on the couch and finishing a beer.

“So are you going to pick up Rosie and get off your ass?” Henry barked, pulling the coffee out from under Linus, causing him to spill his beer.

“Seriously, dude. What’s your problem?” Linus snapped.

“My problem is my girlfriend isn’t here. Aren’t you supposed to pick her up?” “No, Jared is.” “Linus, Jared is here. He has been for a few hours. Where is she?” Henry questioned, starting to worry. “I don’t know. Last, I left her at the cemetery.” “Henry! It’s so good to see you,” you cheered as Tom and you walked in. Hugging Henry after not seeing him for awhile. It still pained you to visit, traveling was the perfect distraction.

“Hope you have been taking care of yourself, son. Where’s Rosie?” Tom questioned. “Yeah, I’ve been good. At the moment, I don’t know where she is. She’s missing,” Henry concluded. You and Tom stood completely still as you processed the news. It wasn’t everyday that your daughter would disappear into thin air, but her job did keep her life in danger.Rosie missing was uncommon. It had happened once or twice in the past but that was 3 years ago. So much had changed, for the better. Yet, you were once again in the same place, in the house you left because everything was too familiar. Rosie missing was all too familiar.

Rosie came to. Opening her eyes to a place she chose to forget. For all she knew it was an exact replica. Warehouses riddled all of London’s ports, she could be anywhere.

“Text your driver and tell him Henry picked you up for a special birthday dinner,” Rosie’s kidnapper barked, thrusting a phone in front of her.

“Really? You kidnapped me? After 3 years of being leader of London’s most feared mob, it’s like been there done that. Do you want money or something? I have a party to get to.” Rosie quipped, annoyed with they man’s pursuits.

“Oh, I know. I believe happy birthday is granted. 20 years is a milestone.”

“Whatever, I don’t really like my birthday anyway.”

“Wanna talk about it?” The stranger pestered on. Rosie had learned lesson from the last time she was restrained to chair, rope around her wrists and ankles, ceasing blood flow. This time it was zip ties, a little basic for any mobster she has had a run with.

“No. I want you to let me go. Seriously, what do you want? I don’t think you know who I am. Or who my father is,” Rosie asserted.

“A moment alone together is all I ask and I know exactly who you are and who your dad is. Correction, who our dad is.”

“Parker.”

A/n: Finally the end. Alright, I'm going to bed. There is no set schedule for the sequel series, I'm just going to post a chapter when I finish writing it. Let me know if you like to be tagged in the sequel chapters.

Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas Masterlist

Taglist: @thenoddingbunny-blog @adriannauni @dummiesshort @bi-lmg @allthisfortommy @quaksonhehe @housepartyprotocol

[gojology]

Escape From Reality.

The Request:

pairing : yuuji itadori x stressed! fem s/o reader warnings : mentions of death, cursing, didn’t re-read, INCREDIBLY RUSHED. wordcount : 2333 a/n : sorry anon, this has been sitting at the very bottom of my requests and i feel really bad. regardless, i hope you still like this. i’m not familiar with yuuji’s character as i am with gojo but i hope this still does you justice. this is also really rushed, since i’m leaving for a trip tomorrow.

    Constant twisting and turning, the fight replaying in your head. You couldn’t relax, no, the events from a few days ago had been keeping you awake for who knows how long. Eyes bloodshot, strained from being kept open all day, yet you couldn’t close them. You had paid no thought to anyone gracious enough to give you attention, instead spending most of your time to yourself in your room.      Your curtains were kept shut, and a steadily growing mountain of tissues was getting taller and taller. The room was completely black, and only filled with your sniffling. To be quite honest, you didn’t know why you were crying. You won the fight, sure, but you felt so useless and insignificant compared to the likes of your peers.     You knew your role, but it was horrifying. Fighting curses wasn’t something new to you, you grew to enjoy it as a sport of some sorts, but this fight left some sort of mental scar on you. Images of the curse controlling humans like they were puppets on strings, and you had to kill every. single. last. one.      They looked so human, so scared of what was happening to them, their shocked faces eventually growing into solemn, dark ones. While Megumi and Nobara were off on their own mission, you had been left with Yuuji to kill the curse, perhaps it was a stroke of unluckiness, but you had been instructed to kill something you swore you wouldn’t kill; humans.      You knew your boyfriend, Yuuji was taken aback too, his carefree happy-go-lucky personality evaporating into thin air, instead replaced with a neutral face. You didn’t have the power to conceal your tears like he did though, even just a few minutes away from the battlefield, you let them flow free, but you did the job anyways. You saw him stare at you, worry evident on his features from the corner of your eyes.     Laying back down on your bed, you sniffled, dabbing at your eyes. You felt like a killer, something inhumane. Lost in your thoughts, you stared at your ceiling and thought of better days or random scenarios.      Knock. Knock. Knock.      The knocking was quiet at first, calm, and you figured it was Nobara willing to help you, she had done it a few times before when you came back from traumatic missions. You found it hard to relate to her though, and even though you appreciated her keeping you in her thoughts, you just didn’t want any contact right now.      The knocking grew more aggressive, and you knew that wasn’t Nobara. Nobara was kind when she was trying to help someone, putting her usual sassy behavior aside to comfort them. You knew she wasn’t going to rapidly knock at your door, in fact she would’ve left by now.       “Who is it?” you mumbled, lifting your covers up and sliding into the warmth, hiding most of your face with the blanket. The only thing that was out were your eyes.      “Uhhh... Yuuji? Your boyfriend?” a voice nervously croaked, muffled. “The door’s locked, but I came here to give you some sweets! Gojo-Senpai brought them earlier for everyone to share, and I grabbed some flavors for you that I thought you’d like.”       You shot back up, candy didn’t sound that bad right now.      “Come in.” you respond, shuffling around with the tiny amount of time you had left to make your room look just a bit more presentable.      “The door’s locked.” you heard him stifle a laugh pathetically, you could hear it from your bed.      “Shit! That’s my fault.” fast-walking towards the door, you stumbled. Dirty clothes were strewn about, a mix of empty snack bags also in the mess. It would be impossible to clean this all up in just 5 minutes without Yuuji growing suspicious. Taking a deep breath in, you threw the laundry you could find closest to you into the laundry basket. You didn’t want the love of your life seeing you like this.     You didn’t have enough time to fix your hair, and it seems Yuuji reads your mind. “Don’t worry about how you look, by the way. Actually, lovebug, don’t worry about anything okay? Just open the door.” he says it with a mixture of doubt and  anxiety.      You feel your expression soften, this was one of the things you loved about Itadori Yuuji. He was mild, he knew when to joke or not, and this time it seemed like he was keen on making you happy. Reaching out to unlock the door knob, you pause, still worried about how ugly you might look, but you open the door anyways.       And there stood Itadori Yuuji, dumbly looking at you, a pile of wrapped candies cupped in the palm of his hands. Once it seems to register through your mind that you standing in front of him, he tosses the candy aside, the colorful wrappers raining down on the both of you, and hugs you.       It’s a deep bear hug, and your arms loosely wrap around his too, steadily getting tighter and tighter as you realize how much you truly missed this. Head snuggling deep into his shoulder and breathing in his scent. So friendly and inviting, you stay in his embrace for a few more seconds, and your mind is finally at ease for just a little.       “Hey there, sweetie.” he finally says, lifting his head up after what seemed like eons, a small smile on his lips. He looks so cheerful, leaning in and kissing the top of your forehead before pulling back, studying your face.        You feel utterly self conscious, pushing his face back with your hand.        “Hey. I’m kind of crusty and I haven’t washed my face in a while-”        Yuuji doesn’t give you another second to finish, instead smothering your face with even more kisses, and your skin heats up as soon as the first sloppy chaste puppy kiss is placed.        “Fuck, I mean, fudge. What are you talking about (Y/N)?!” he looks at you like you’re a giant spider, concerned. “You’ve gotta be blind.”        “You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”         You swallow a squeal, instead giving him a small smile, something that you hadn’t done in days. It feels so good to see him again.         “Hey- get back in bed, okay? I’ll be back in a jiffy, I’ve gotta pick all these candies up.” Yuuji kisses the tip of your nose again, using his fingers to pull at your cheeks. It’s been a while since you’ve seen his smile, and you realized just how quickly you had forgotten that his eyes almost closed when he smiled, simply because of how big and toothy it was.        “Yeah. Okay.” you say, before turning your back on him, you look down, and he’s looking back at you, knees on the floor. One hand is already half filled with the candies, and he gives you yet another shit-eating grin, flashing a quick thumbs up before continuing to pick up the wrappers. You giggle, you suddenly felt so bubbly.        Immediately leaping into your bed, you watch him, feet swaying in the air picking up the candies. Yuuji’s muttering under his breath about God knows what, and only then do you realize how lucky you were to have him.        Not long after, he skips over to your bed, closing the door behind him, hopping on one leg and taking his beaten up shoes off. Humming a tune, his fingers flicked on the light switch, you note how he looks so genuinely happy. Setting the candies down onto the blankets, he glances at you with these sort of stone cold serious eyes, as if he meant business.       Those feelings return back again. What’s with the stare?       “Hey. (Y/N).” he places a reassuring hand on your shoulder, rubbing your skin, goose bumps suddenly covering your skin. “I know I was only here to give you candies- and it’s true I was, I’m actually really concerned about you.” Yuuji too crawls onto your bed.       “Get nice and comfy okay? Here.” he digs into his pajama pockets, and pulls out a pre-packaged kikufuku mochi. “I know Gojo-sensei says no sweets after bedtime, but I sneaked one for you from his office because I thought It’d make you feel better.”        You take it without another word. The thought was nice, after all.       “Have you eaten, princess?” he breathes, placing a hand onto your forehead. “You seem really warm, do you need any water?”        He was suddenly so serious, you don’t how to respond. At first you look at him, hoping your eyes tell him all he needs to know, but he looks unblinkingly back, and it seems like he wants an answer, stat.        “No. I haven’t. Water wouldn’t be bad.” you answer, looking down at your lap. Why did it feel like you disappointed him?        “I’ll ask Gojo-sensei to maybe order takeout, It’s not that late. Do you have any water in your room? I don’t want to leave you right now.”        Something about this conversation was awkward, and you didn’t like it.        “Yeah, I don’t know where though.”        “That’s okay, snugglekins. I’ll retrieve them! Don’t you worry.” he rubs your hair so gently, it’s like the hand isn’t even there.        “The room is really messy-”        Yuuji looks at you, a bit annoyed, which you guess was justifiable, but still acting friendly. “I know, but all that matters to me right now is you, not you’re room.” he’s crawling on the ground now.      “You’re acting too serious.” you cheekily retort back mindlessly, covering your mouth as you do so.        “I know I am, but when my girlfriend is thinking and acting like this, I need to make sure you feel better.” he tosses you a water bottle, and you nod your thanks, the crinkling music to your ears. You twist the cap off, and take a long swig out. The liquid was refreshingly cold.      “No candy until you tell me what’s going on, okay? If you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay, but just... Tell me what I can do to make you feel better. I hate seeing you sad.”      “Are you my dad or something?” you joke, but he squints at you, not cracking a single smile.        Then, he draws out a long, “Ohhhhhhhhhh!” for a second, eyes widening before stroking his chin, like one of those wide grandpas with the long beards you see in those Chinese dramas.       He splutters for a split second, before coughing. “Well, I am merely a wise old man. I must offer you my intellect... And I’m slightly forgetful, so you know- jokes don’t occur to me very well.” he even said it in an old man voice.        “That was horrible.” is all you state. You silently appreciate his stupid humor, even in what seemed to be a serious situation.       “Thanks!” he chirps. Then he hops back into the bed, he too slipping under the comforting blankets. “Now, tell me, what’s on your mind?’        “Nothing.” you say sheepishly.       “Stop lying to meee, come on. No judging.” his fingers weave into yours, and your breath hitches.        “Promise?”        “Promise.” his fingers tighten around yours as he says this.        Taking a deep breath in, you straighten, leaning yourself against his shoulder, and Yuuji doesn’t move, adjusting to the newfound weight.         Tears start forming as soon as you open your mouth to speak. “I just really hated how I had to- you know. Kill... Humans. A-and, It’s just that I feel really.... Guilty?” you phrase it like a question almost, and you take a shuddering deep breath in, it was going all out or never.         He nods his head, and you take this as a sign to continue. “I just... I feel so useless.. I feel like you didn’t even c-care? A-and..” tears start railing down your cheeks, and you blink like it’s the last think you have to do. “Fuck. Fuck this. I hate this. I hate being so s-soft, and so weak. Why can’t I be like you, or Nobara, or Megumi?”         His thumbs brush your tears away, and he looks at you, so gently and kindly it’s like the wind is touching you. Genuine eyes made you feel so comforted and safe. Like he wouldn’t judge you for a damn thing you’d say.         “You’re wrong.” he says, finally speaking.         You cock your head, as a way of coaxing him to continue.         You feel his chest expand, and fall again, taking in a deep breath. “I did care. I hated the thought of calling people like that, but honey-” he looks down at your face, and he can just tell you’re interested. “These people were put in so much misery, of course we had to kill them. They were in pain, and being used as puppets.”         “But they looked just like a human, and... They even had, you know... Their own, uh, unique voices. And the things they said..” more tears started rapidly falling.         “Hey.” he puts a hard grasp onto your arm when you try to wipe them away. “Stop. You have to constantly remind yourself, these people were being controlled and put through so much excruciating pain. It’s so hard, and it was even harder not to break down and cry in front of you. But we did it together anyways, and we need to get out of this stronger, okay? The missions later on will be even harder, and I want to work alongside you- not just protect you”         The last sentence punched you right in the gut, it felt so right hearing it come out of his mouth, and you start full on sobbing, rubbing your wet face into his t-shirt, your tears seeping into the fabric. You’re full aware he probably needs to change, but you don’t care. You truly missed him, even though it had only been a few days.         “Fuck. I love you.” you croaked, giving him a sloppy, even wetter peck on the check.        “I love you too, princess.”        He really was your escape from the reality of being a Jujutsu sorcerer.      

[stopbeingrude]

Warning rant:

( Sorry for any mistakes)

I have been seeing lots of Juvia/ Gruvia hate lately again. You know the same things :stalking, schtockholm syndrom , abuse..... yeah you know nothing new. I've also seen video on YT-(presentation) about why Gruvia is toxic made by psychology student ..........and i still can't believe on what i saw...

Ok first of all i can't imagine analyzing relationship of characters from shonen comedy anime where most od characters are potrayed as freaking CARICATURES , and not including the fact that they are well .... from comedy anime( really?). The person who made this video claimed, that their talked about gruvia with their teacher and they agreed with them about everything. I think this person is not aware that , when you discussing certain topic, you should be... OBJECTIVE. While analyzing characters , you're supposed to write/talk about them in objective way, it doesn't matter if you hate them or not. If i were to analize for example Gray or Gajeel, i would still mention their disadvanteges even though i adore both of those characters.

I decided to talk to my father who is also same kind of teacher , I wanted to know what he thinks about this. I told him about Fairy tail, lil bit about both characters in OBJECTIVE WAY , about their backstories and show some clips of them. He agreed with me( he's also a big anime fan and is well acquainted with various anime tropes). Fairy tail i SHONEN. COMEDY.ANIME. Very often many actions done by characters are strange, incomprehensible or even absurd ,so It's obvious that we should not take them seriously. The tropes where someone is madly in love, girls are getting accidently groped or someone loses their clothes are part of japanese comedy. Quoting someone: understand your media before you'll try to write something about them.

Besides do they really thing that Mashima would made supposed ,,sexual abuser "one of the main characters?

I was pretty calm till i saw slide about Juvia supposedly gaslighting Gray....

..... WTF people?

Why do they use term, they not understand meaning of ?

Yess sure ,Juvia trying to cheer Gray up after Ultear death is sure gaslighting, because sulking on sadness/ staying depressed is healthy as hell🤡

What really made me mad was saying that on the end of Tartaros Juvia gastlighted Gray on front of his parents grave ...i just...

Juvia holding Gray's hand is sexual harrasment, even though he innitiated it( dear God 😶). Also when Gray asked Juvia why She's holding his her , this person count this as a rejection??( Yeah i don't get how is this question suppose to mean rejection , but yyy you do you?). Ok. So let's say that i see model on magazine ,according to this person's logic this is sexual harrasment because She's not aware that i have her photo. It doesn't matter that She agreed to pose for this magazine. Yep totally makes sense😏. Stop acting like Juvia harrases Gray, he likes her company, he loves her.

Oh and apparently Gruvia fans harrased Mashima to make ship canon?? Eeh?? And he said it in interview ?? Where that came from ??Im not saying that all Gruvia shippers( shippers in general) are saints but the closest thing to harrasing Mashima were, people spaming about 100yq anime and some Gray x Lucy shippers ( no offense to Graylu's ) being mad at Mashima at the and of main series. I though that Mashima himself said that he likes this couple?

Another thing Gray being in love in Juvia does not ruin his character , it's didn't make him horrible person, or more stupid. So Gray is at his best when he is depressed, because being in love makes him boring buhh. Im not sure if they're aware but most people wants to find love/ start family . It's not really nothing odd

Going by those people logic all of fairy tail characters are sexual abusers , criminals ..

The best one at last... ,, Those who like Gruvia are not normal, many will say that..." when in reality those who critisize them are minority, cause in reality most people seems to like them or are neutral towards them.

I'm sorry this is so long , but whenever i write It always makes me feel better and i wanted to remind Gruvia shippers to not bother with this kind of people , they think that them having unpopular opinion makes them some kind of modern prophets. Let's just ignore those .

[stevesnailbat]

32 and 39 with steve

“the baby...it’s yours.” + “just go!”

summary: Steve’s girlfriend finds out she’s pregnant after an argument, and she’s afraid to tell him the truth.

warnings: a lot of angst, mentions of pregnancy

word count: 2.0K

a/n: i’m BACK!!!! i finished finals today and will be back to posting fics this week :) also i did a lot of research on 80’s pregnancy tests for this—they’re nothing like what they are now so if you’re curious, here’s what they looked like

Buying a pregnancy test at eighteen years old was something no girl really wanted to go through. But missed periods and too many early-morning runs to the bathroom warranted that horror.

The closest store that sold pregnancy tests was Melvald’s, but she really didn’t want to go there. Hawkins was a small town, everyone and their mother would find out if she bought the test from there. She knew that she’d have to go out of town if she wanted to be discreet about it, but it seemed out of the cards in the moment.

Another wave of morning sickness had rolled around for the third day in a row, and she knew it was time to find out for sure. She skipped school on that Wednesday to make sure she ran into the least amount of people possible. It seemed like a death mission honestly, all she wanted was to avoid everyone in the godforsaken town, but she knew someone would find her.

She was sure she looked like a wreck when she walked into Melvald’s. It was empty besides two people at the front of the store, who she didn’t even bother looking up at. As soon as she spotted the not-so discreet box on the shelf, she snatched it hastily and made her way up to the front. Her heart sunk to her stomach when she looked up to see Joyce standing behind the counter as Chief Hopper spoke to her on the other side.

Joyce stopped listening to whatever Hop was saying as she saw Y/N, her halfway-amused expression falling to one filled with concern. Hopper whipped around to see what she was holding and did the same, frowning down at her. They knew who’s child it would be, they knew they were on the rocks, they knew she was scared to even tell him.

They didn’t say much as she checked out, only a few small words of encouragement and comfort from Joyce filled the silence. She felt like she’d let them down, they had grown to be like parents to her during the hell that they’d all been through. She asked them to not tell anyone, not yet at least. She knew they wouldn’t, but she wanted to be sure that nobody would find out unless she wanted them to.

—

If nothing showed up on the stick, it meant negative. If it turned blue, it meant positive. She read the instructions at least twenty times in the thirty minute period that it took for the test to develop. There was something in the back of her mind that was telling her the whole time what the answer was, but she wanted to be sure.

Blue is positive.

She sat there with a blue-tinged stick in her hand for what seemed like an hour. She was in disbelief, she couldn’t believe what she was actually seeing. It was all settling in when there was a knock on the front door. She couldn’t bring herself to answer it, she was numb and in shock and her mind was going a hundred miles a minute.

In the day that she had been gone from school, she’d thought about Steve a lot. She knew she couldn’t call him, though. Three nights before, they had argued about where they’d go after her senior year and the bickering went to a new level. He had told her that he didn’t want to leave Hawkins and she had told him he needed to turn the page, striking a nerve. That night ended in her storming out of the house after he sent some backhanded comments in her direction to retaliate, they stuck her a little too deep that time for some reason. They were both too stubborn to admit when they were wrong, which usually ended in a short period of time without calling each other on the phone to apologize. Usually after a day of not talking, she’d end up back at Family Video after school with a bag of greasy food as a peace offering, but this time was different.

Steve had thought about his girlfriend all day and grew worried about her once 3 PM rolled around on the second full day of no contact. She didn’t show up to his work and it gave him an uneasy feeling in his stomach, like it wasn’t just the argument that was stopping her from visiting him. After his shift ended, he bolted to her house. His knock on the door went unanswered, but her car was in the driveway. He knew she’d give him shit for invading her privacy later, but he let himself in anyways. He needed to make sure she was okay, he needed reassurance that his gut feeling was hopefully wrong.

The knock on the bathroom door was what finally brought her back to reality, making her jump at the sound.

“Hey, it’s me.” Steve called out from the other side of the door. “Can I come in?”

“No! I mean—Just wait out there.” she said, panic rushing through her as she frantically cleaned up the mess of the pregnancy test, which wasn’t really an easy task with all of the liquids and mess that the box came with.

She shoved the positive stick into the front pocket of her sweatshirt, glancing at herself in the mirror before reaching for the door handle to make sure she didn’t look to god awful. Steve stood on the other side and watched as she cracked the door open enough to see her face, he frowned at the sight of her tear-stained cheeks. He tried to push the door open a little more as she finally locked eyes with him, but she wouldn’t let him.

“Why are you here?” she snapped, realizing she had sounded a little more harsh than she had meant to when he flinched slightly in response. “Well, why’d you break into my house, actually?”

“I was worried about you, Y/N.” he said genuinely, reaching to touch her hand as it rested on the door frame. “Can we talk? Somewhere outside of the bathroom, preferably?”

“I’m fine, Steve. I’m just not feeling good today.” she lied, shrugging her shoulders as she ignored his request. “You can go, I don’t want you to get sick.”

“I haven’t seen you in two days, Y/N. I can help you, what do you need?” Steve offered, he sounded desperate for her attention now. “I can make you some soup, we can lay in bed all day. I’m—I’m sorry I was such an ass, I shouldn’t have said those things—“

“Steve, stop.” she said as she felt her lip begin to quiver, she bit the inside of her cheek to hold back her tears. “I don’t need help. I just want to sleep, okay?”

“Please, baby.” Steve begged, finally able to push the door open a little to get closer to her. “I’m sorry and I love you, I don’t deserve you. But I want to make this better, alright?”

“Steve, please.” she replied, he shook his head in protest as she held a hand out to block him from getting closer. “Just go! We—We can talk about this another time."

“No! I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.” he proclaimed, watching as she shoved her hands into her sweatshirt pocket—little did he know, his world was about to be turned upside down by what was inside. “Is this about me not wanting to move? Because if it is, I—I’ll move anywhere, Y/N. I’ll move to another state, another country, across the world if I get to be with you. I was being selfish that night and I’m sorry. Please, can we just talk about this?"

She didn’t want to tell him, she really didn’t. She just wanted him to leave, he didn’t deserve the burden of a child right now. But, he was desperate for answers, and desperate Steve was stubborn as hell. She felt his hands reach to cup her cheeks gently, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop him. He looked too sad for her to push him away again too, it looked like he was on the verge of tears too. He was telling himself that this was the end, and it was tearing his heart out piece by piece with every second that passed.

A breath hitched in her throat as she gripped the stick in her hand, hesitantly pulling it out of her pocket. She stared down at it for a moment before Steve even noticed it. Carefully she watched as Steve’s face changed from sad to shocked to confused in the span of three seconds, and her heart dropped as he pulled his hands away from her slowly. His brows knitted together as he reached for the blue-tinged stick, still trying to process what she was showing him.

“You—You’re pregnant?” he questioned, finally looking up at her to see the tears that had started streaming down her face.

“Y—Yeah.” she said in a voice barely above a whisper. “The baby…it’s yours. O—Obviously."

He didn’t say anything for a moment, only leaning against the vanity as he fully took in the situation. Steve muttered ‘fuck’ under his breath as he stared down at the blue, shaking his head. If her heart hadn’t been broken before, it was now for sure. His reaction was what she had expected, but it didn’t mean it hurt any less. She hadn’t cried more than a few tears about the situation before then, but the fact that he wasn’t saying anything to her made her break.

A sob wracked her body as she leaned against the wall behind him, sliding down it to curl herself into a ball on the floor. The cry broke Steve from his daze and he was next to her in an instant. He hadn’t really meant to react the way that he did, but this was quite the opposite of what he’d expected out of coming to her house.

“No, no, please. Fuck, I’m sorry baby. Don't—don’t cry, please, I’m right here.” he assured her, sitting next to her so he could pull her into his lap.

“I’m sorry, I—I’m so sorry.” she whimpered, burying her head in the crook of his neck as his shirt muffled her sobs. “I—I’m ruining your life.”

“What are you talking about?” Steve questioned, but she didn’t reply. “Y/N, please look at me.” he pressed, coaxing her by running his fingers along her scalp gently. “You’re not ruining my life at all, alright? If anything, I should be sorry for not being here for you! But mistakes happen, and we’ve both made some recently, it’s okay though. Of course this changes things a little bit, but it doesn’t change the fact that I love you.”

“Y—You don’t want to leave me?” she asked innocently, the genuine surprise in her voice making his heart ache; she had really planned on doing this all on her own.

“Of course not, I could never leave you. I was so scared that you were leaving me, honestly. This was the last thing that I expected.” he chuckled quietly, smiling at her sweetly. “It’s okay though. It’ll be alright, okay? We’ll be alright, we’ll work through this and make sure this baby has the best life we can give it.”

She sniffled and nodded at his reassurance, her heart fluttering as he kissed her forehead softly. Steve smiled at her once more before sliding one of his hands along her stomach, caressing it gently as he finally came to terms with the whole situation. He knew he wouldn’t feel anything as he touched her stomach, but the thought of his own child in there was enough to make his heart swell.

“Does anyone else know yet?” he asked, rubbing gentle circles with his thumb on her hip.

“Well, I bought the test from Melvald’s, Joyce was working and Hopper was there too. So they know, but nobody else.” she sighed, resting her head against his chest once more. “But, y’know, I don’t think Dustin or any of the kids are gonna be too happy about this.”

“Why’s that?” Steve hummed.

“Because they’ll have even more competitors for your attention.” she giggled softly, Steve laughed in reply.

“I’m sure they’ll get over it.” he said with a smile, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

tags: @sourapplebaby @harringtown @jxnehxpper @a-magey @queenofthehairharrington @charmed-asylum @igotmadskills @daddystevee @heart-eye-harrington @lemonypink

[tundrainafrica]

Five Things that Probably Happened between Levi and Hange (An attempt to break down the romantic development between the two based on canon events and hints)

Just wanted to break down a slow burn, best friend to lovers relationship, through meta instead of through fanfiction based on how I’ve seen relationships develop between people who are too busy or inexperienced to know what is happening.

1. Although no one would generally be touchy in the military, one event may have made them realize it’s okay to at least be touchy between them. 

The event most likely would have been an injury where one had to treat the other. The importance of this is that without much talking or relationship meta analysis (because they’re unaware fucks) both of them are able to realize that they are comfortable doing things together and they are completely comfortable touching. This event probably happened  before canon because Levi has shown to be pretty touchy to Hange already and he does bathe her.

2. They started sharing food, clothes etc.

This could still be considered canon if the jacket thing is real. Hange and Levi hang out in each other’s rooms to talk. It was mentioned in canon that Hange is Levi’s closest friend and when he’s sad he goes to her and probably it works the other way too. A lot of things would be left in each other’s rooms. Possibly the black jacket in season 2 is something Hange left behind in his room a while back because she’s scatterbrained and Levi decided to wear it after his injury. (coz u know they’re just friends)

3. They started to do remotely suggestive things as a joke.

I’m talking about Hange biting a cookie which is already in Levi’s mouth as a playful act and Levi’s crude humor developing into jokes about sex, particularly with Hange because he likes crude humor.  

4. They started to realize they are all they have left. 

Suddenly, they’re always together because publicly they’re both the most senior members of the survey corps so it’s only natural and privately they become each other’s emotional crutches especially without Moblit, Mike or Erwin there to mediate anything between them. Because of this everything goes into overdrive --- the touchiness, the clothes sharing and the suggestive jokes in between military discussions and conversations.

They are too unaware or too inexperienced to know what exactly this is and even when they do start to understand what is happening, their responsibilities take precedence.

5.  They started to understand what it was but they never confessed.

One day, this suddenly clicked. Maybe it started to click over a long period of time for both of them.They were both aware of the other’s feelings  but they were in doubt about what the other was thinking. Not wanting to break the vagueness of the relationship for fear of having to tackle the problem of whether or not it is appropriate, the two chose to remain silent. 

When Levi gets injured and although Hange admits she would rather have lived there with him, I think that Hange’s position as commander stopped her from saying something more direct. 

From experience, denial and delusion usually work because people do not say how they feel out loud. I’m sure most of us have experiences where we are particularly attracted to or are particularly annoyed by someone, but are able to delude ourselves into thinking it’s just a phase or a heat of the moment thing because we never say it out loud. The moment we write how we feel down or put it into words regardless of whether or not people see it, it becomes a reality and my HC is that that was what they were avoiding which explains the vagueness of their words and actions. 

In this sense, Levi and Hange were both masters of delusion and the professional relationship and responsibilities which came with them made it so easy for those two to run away from the truth. Levi on his end, refused to interpret it as anything else but her being tired because he on his end, was working on his own delusion campaign.

So why did nothing too romantic happen in Chapter 132?

She would have destroyed that nice little delusion bubble for both of them and would she have been able to sacrifice her life? No she wouldn’t. If Hange knew that a life with Levi was waiting for her after the war, she would not have been able to sacrifice herself, and arguably, maybe the alliance would not have been able to escape. If Levi and Hange knew a happy life was waiting for them with the other, they probably would have actually considered living in the forest, as OOC as it would have seemed.

What makes the survey corp soldiers so effective as fighters and titan fodder is the fact that to a degree, they have accepted their deaths and part of accepting it is deluding oneself into thinking there is not much to live for beyond what the survey corps offers. I mean, Erwin thought about this too a lot, since he did have a history with Nile and Marie which he chose to give away when he joined the survey corps.  

Because of that, I believe that Levi and Hange being the two longest survivors in the survey corps, were masters of delusion, that delusion that brought about the success of the survey corps and the tragedy of what could have been one of the best canon relationship developments of all time.

[alicanta77]

Chapter 3: Skewered Reality

Pairing: y/n x Jeno

Themes: mutant au, angst, fluff

Warnings: fighting, violence, death, character death, blood, descriptions of injury, swearing

Words: 10k

tag list: @hiqhkey @soondaengie @lebrookestore​

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Finale

——————————————————————————

You hadn’t slept. You had no idea how long you had been travelling for, but you guessed it was about an hour, and your eyes had never left the single spot on the ground that they were focused on. If you let your eyes wander, then you were afraid your thoughts would wander too. And if your thoughts began to wander you knew exactly where they would take you.

Back to the destroyed city. Back to Hyuck and Chenle. Back to their deaths.

You couldn’t see that again.

The truck suddenly lurched to the side in a stop, throwing you into the wall next to you. The six of you immediately jumped up, your instincts kicking in as you prepared for a fight. There were two bangs on the outside of the door that kept you inside the truck and it swung open. Your arms flew up to protect you, ready to stop anything that may be coming for you, until you were greeted with Jimin’s confused face.

‘Sorry... It was a bit of a shaky stop, but we’re here.’ He extended a hand to the closest person to him, which just happened to be you. ‘Let’s get you kids into the safe haven.’

Relief flooded your system at the sight of your ally and you felt all the previous tension in the truck dissolve. You reached out and accepted his outstretched hand. He squeezed it lightly for comfort and you sent him a thankful smile as you climbed out of the truck. Your feet hit the ground gently and you looked up to observe your surroundings.

What you saw took your breath away. 

In front of you lay a huge building. While it looked to be only around two floors tall, it was long, and you could see a few smaller buildings to the back left of it.

You heard small gasps escape the other boys as they saw what you were staring at. None of you could believe it, this place was so much more any of you had ever expected. It had obviously been damaged by the radiation, as there were small piles of rubble to your side, showing where smaller buildings had collapsed, and many of the windows were blown out, but it was still mesmerising.

‘It used to be something to marvel at. It’s slightly run down, but it still works perfectly.’ Jimin informed you, gesturing forwards for you to head inside.

You approached the door, two guards opening it for you and immediately attempting to usher you all inside. You felt a hand on your lower back, guiding you forwards and, despite your nerves, you entered the building.

---

Jimin led the group of you, walking in front of you all as he brought you into the main room. It seemed to be some sort of communal room as there were groups of people standing around chatting, and even a pool table in the corner. Your steps almost faltered, you were so taken aback.

You could tell from the gasps and whispers that came from the rest of the group that they were all feeling a similar way to you. Never in any of your wildest dreams, did you think you would ever make it to a place like this.

Jimin turned around, chuckling as he took in your awed expression.

‘It’s not much, but it's better than nothing. And I’m sure better than being locked up like animals in that facility too.’

He held both his arms out to the side, as everybody else began to gather around you.

‘Welcome to the Orb.’

With that, everybody burst into applause, making you jump slightly. They came forwards, clapping you on the shoulder and congratulating you for escaping. You couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped your lips, hearing the happy sounds coming from your friends as well, as you all enjoyed the unfamiliar feeling of being looked after and protected. The unfamiliar feeling of being someplace safe.

‘Excuse us for being excited to see you, we’ve been trying to get you out of that godforsaken place for longer than we remember!’ A woman to your right said as she rubbed your shoulder gently. You smiled up at her, comforted by her words and touch.

Jimin laughed, stepping back into your line of sight.

‘Everybody here has dedicated their lives to protecting you and breaking you out. And we will all continue to do this for as long as we can. But, the battle isn’t over. The facility is still out there, with details and research on you, and the only way to fully end that is to shut it down. So, that’s what we’re going to do!’

Cheers rose up again from the crowd at his words, and it was clear that every person here wanted the exact same thing as you, to end this nightmare. And they would be willing to do anything to help you do it.

---

After a welcome that left the six of you overwhelmed and a little emotional, Jimin had proceeded to give you a tour. He’d shown you the main office where he works, the dining hall, the kitchen, the multiple communal spaces and your rooms. Each of you had your own room, with a large bed, and various books and games lying around in it. You walked out after inspecting your room and just as you approached the group, you heard Jeno ask a question.

‘Is there a place where we can use our powers? Safely?’

Jimin nodded and began to walk, the rest of you getting used to following him. You recognised various doors and hallways as you passed, already trying to memorise what you could of the complicated layout. 

‘One important thing to know about this whole place, is that we have an open door policy. That means you are free to walk into any room and ask any question you want. Nothing is off limits for you here, and we want you to feel as at home as you can.’

‘Any room?’ Renjun questioned, all of you unable to believe the freedom you were given.

‘Any room at all!’

It was only then that you realised Jimin was leading you all out of the facility and taking you outside. You subconsciously moved closer to Jeno, his hand reaching out for yours and squeezing it comfortingly. You were led around to the back of the facility where there was a small building. Jimin brought you inside and you were faced with 8 doors.

‘Each door leads to a room personally tailored to your needs. We’ve spent years creating this space for you.’ Jimin explained and you all drifted towards your own doors.

Each door had a different word on the front of it, describing the ability it was designed for. You passed what you knew was Jeno’s room, reading the engraved “Atmokinesis” and came to yours. You stood in front of the white door, staring at the word “Telekinesis” that glared back at you. This power managed to somehow be everything you had, whilst also being the reason that you had nothing.

You turned your head to your right, noticing how none of you were standing by that door and your breath caught in your throat when you read the inscription.

“Precognition”

That was meant to be Hyuck’s room...

You looked back towards the rest of the group, their eyes split between Hyuck’s door and the door next to Renjun that was labelled “Shapeshifting”. You felt tears begin to prick your eyes at the two who had died so young and in such brutal ways.

‘We had prepared for all eight of you.’ Jimin’s sad voice came from behind you. ‘We really hoped we’d be able to save you all.... and... I’m so sorry we couldn’t.’

You squeezed your eyes shut, a few tears escaping and you quickly wiped them away before turning around. You couldn’t be here right now, the memories of your friends were too painful for any of you to face.

---

You were all sitting in Mark’s room, a heavy silence over the six of you that were left. Jimin had brought you back to the main building, telling you that lunch wouldn’t be too long and that he'd asked everyone to give you space for the time being.

‘I’m supposed to be a healer.’ Mark spoke suddenly. You turned to look at him and it was only then that you noticed the tears silently falling down his face. His eyes never lifted from his hands but he kept speaking as the rest of you listened. ‘I’m the oldest, I’m the only one with two abilities, I’m the only one with a healing ability and so far all I’ve done is watch as two of our group have been murdered.’

You flinched at his words, the reality of them hitting you like a truck. You shook your head at the older boy.

‘Mark you can’t say that. It’s not your fault, none of this is. I could have pulled Hyuck and Chenle down behind a wall to protect them. All of us could have done something, but none of us did, and now... they’re dead. God, I wish this wasn’t real. I wish that I could wake up from this as if it was some kind of nightmare or simulation or illusion. Maybe it would have been best if we’d never found out about the lab...’

Your voice dropped to a mumble at your final sentence, but the boys still heard it, all of them immediately disagreeing with you.

‘Y/n, you don’t mean that.’ Jeno said his eyes wide with concern.

‘Come on! It’s not like we aren’t all thinking about it!’ You pointed out. ‘If we’d never found out about the truth, we would never have tried to escape.’

'But we did escape?’ Renjun brought up, as if trying to say that that made everything worth it.

‘Did we? Did we really? Think about it. Because I don’t think we did. I don’t think we’ve escaped anything at all. They’re still coming for us. And we know first hand what they can, and are willing to do. So far, all trying to escape has done, is kill Doyoung, Ten, Hyuck and Chenle. Four people. Four deaths and it hasn’t even been a week. And it’s not going to end at those four either. People are going to keep dying until the lab gets what they want. And what they want, is us. And let’s face it, they don’t have any more use for us, so they probably don’t care if they get us dead or alive. In fact, I’m willing to bet they’re more keen on us being dead because that way we can’t cause them anymore trouble. We are putting everyone here at risk. How do we think we’re going to survive this by ourselves?’ Your small speech rendered everyone speechless. As much as they wanted to, none of them could tell you that you were wrong.

‘Because you're not by yourselves.’ Jimin’s voice cut through the atmosphere. ‘I came to tell you that lunch was ready, and I heard what you said y/n.’ He walked further into the room, looking at all of you. ‘I know you’ve lost people, but we have too. You don’t know how many times we’ve tried to get you out of that place and how many lives it cost us. But we would do it over and over again, because it is worth it to be able to give you a chance at a life outside of that torture. Every soldier here knows the risk that they’re taking, and they are all happy to take it. We know that the lab is coming to kill you, but we are here to protect you. And we will do that, gladly, for as long as we need to.’

Jimin was looking straight at you when he said that, wanting you to know that you weren’t alone. And maybe that was what scared you. Because for the first time in your life, you had an army of people behind you, people willing to die for you. But you didn’t want anyone else to die, you just wanted to live.

---

The rest of the day passed by pretty silently. Barely a word was said over lunch, all of you finding your thoughts enough company. In the afternoon you and Jeno took the time to meet some of the people at the facility, to find out who you were working with.

The worst part was, everybody seemed nice. They all cared about you, wanted you to know they were here for you, and that they would fight for you. You asked one woman why everyone was so willing when they barely knew you and her answer was still echoing around in your head hours later.

‘Don’t take offence to this, but for me, it’s almost more about fighting against what happened to you. I don’t know if you know but three hundred thousand children were killed in this quest to create the eight of you. And I lost my younger brother. In fact, most people here, lost someone to the radiation that made you. So as much as we are fighting for you, we are also fighting for those that we, and so many others have lost. Fighting against the people who would do this again if it gave them the power they crave.’

You studied the marks on your ceiling, counting how many different spots and dents there were from the years this building had been used. Jimin had told you all to get an early night, and that you would spend the next few days getting used to the routine, learning the layout and meeting everyone. He didn’t want to rush you into anything while you were still mourning.

You lay on your left side in your bed, staring at the wall next to you and feeling more alone than you were expecting to. You’d always rolled over and seen Jeno there, in fact, you couldn’t remember a night where you hadn’t gone to sleep with him next to you. You rolled onto your right side, and found yourself staring at the door. When you were in the lab, this would have been the grey walls of your cell. You wondered if anyone else was awake and thinking like you were.

Your mind kept running, the relief of being here gradually turning into guilt as you thought of Chenle and Hyuck. You bit your lip, trying to stop the tears that were brimming your eyes. You eventually threw back your duvet, deciding that you couldn’t be alone tonight.

You left your room, softly padding down the hall until you reached the door you were looking for. You gently opened it, stepping in and looking at the figure who stared back at you.

Neither you nor Jeno said anything, the tears in your eyes and small ball he was curled up into saying enough. You wasted no time in silently moving towards his bed, pulling back his covers and climbing into his open arms. He pulled you into his chest as you buried your head into his neck, the tears finally escaping.

He lowered his head to yours, staying there for a few seconds, as if debating what he should do, before he placed a feather light kiss on your head. You couldn’t see his eyes, but you could tell from the shakes of his chest that he was crying too.

The eight of you had grown up together. For years, all you had ever known was the lab, and all you had ever had by your side were the seven boys. And now two of them were dead. You had never felt this kind of heartache before, and you weren’t sure if it would ever go away.

It took you and Jeno a while to fall asleep, eventually being exhausted from the day and your heavy emotions.

---

You rolled your head from side to side, trying to stay conscious and fight the drugs that were being injected into your system.

‘No...’ You moaned out, your voice a lot quieter and less powerful than you had planned.

A doctor you didn’t recognise approached you holding another syringe. You tried to move away from him, but the restraints holding you down on the operating table prevented you from moving.

Your eyes wandered to the door, where you could see the rest of the boys watching, three guards holding Jeno to stop him from running to you. He was trying to push past them, clawing at the eye symbol on their arm. The boys all called out, trying to move forwards, pleading with the doctors to stop, to let you go. But they were ignored, the guards bringing out tasers threateningly and shouting at them to stand back.

Jeno pushed forwards again, bending over and letting out a strangled shout when the guard tased him in his stomach. You tried to reach out for him, but in your weakened state you could only stretch out a few fingers.

‘Remember y/n...’ The doctor said, pushing the needle into your neck as you winced in pain. ‘The eye sees all.’

You felt the empty syringe being withdrawn and couldn’t fight to keep your eyes open any longer, instead giving up, Jeno’s screams for you fading into the background as the darkness enveloped you.

---

You awoke with a start, a scream slipping out of your mouth as you sat bolt upright. Your sudden reaction quickly woke Jeno who was lying next to you. You had been here for a few days now, and still every night you and Jeno stayed in the same room, not quite ready to leave each other yet.

Jeno was the first out of all of you to get the nightmares. He awoke one night screaming so loudly all of the boys came running. They found Jeno shaking in your lap mumbling incoherently about the lab. The next night Jisung, Renjun and you all woke up. The night after that Mark and Jaemin had them. Tonight, it seemed to be your turn again.

You felt Jeno’s hand come up to your shoulder, rubbing it gently as he pulled you in for a hug. You heard another scream come from down the hall somewhere, one that you recognised as Renjun’s and it didn’t take long before the rest of the boys were entering your room. You had all come to a routine of going into the room of whoever had woken up and staying there for most of, if not the rest of the night. Sadly, you always found yourself able to tell who it was that was screaming, the years you spent listening to them in the lab had engraved the sounds of your friend’s pain in your memory.

The other four boys all climbed into your bed, forming a small pile of comfort as they asked about what happened in yours.

‘It was different this time...’ You said quietly. 

‘How?’ Mark inquired, tilting his head at you.

‘I don’t know, but last time felt like a flashback. As in, I remembered it happening in real life, but this time, I don’t remember it...’ You admitted. You recited your dream for the boys in as much detail as you could, especially making sure to mention the doctor you didn’t remember. ‘If it’s a real memory, I just don’t know why I’m suddenly remembering it now.’

‘Because we’re not in the lab anymore.’ Renjun spoke up suddenly. He looked around at the rest of you expectantly until Jisung asked what he meant. ‘In the lab, they gave us that serum every morning right? What if there was something in that that reinforced the memory block or something? That’s why we can only remember this now, because we’re not taking the serum anymore.’

You all shrugged, agreeing that was likely your best guess. As insane as it sounded, you wouldn’t put anything past the lab anymore. You could only wonder what other memories would come back to you over the next few days.

---

You stood in your practice room for the first time, staring at the space in front of you. There were narrow beams hanging from the ceiling, boxes of books and other small objects and other beams and platforms that got gradually narrower and less steady. However, even with all the different areas to practice different things, today you just wanted to start small by lifting and moving objects around.

You focused on the box in the corner, gently opening it and watching as the books flew out. You lifted your arms, bringing the books around you as they began to move in circles.

‘Not bad.’ Jimin’s voice made you jump, the books suddenly falling to the floor.

‘You know, you have a habit of creeping up on people.’ You said to him as Jimin laughed slightly.

‘I’ve been told I do that a lot, I’m sorry. It’s probably not what you want, to have someone appearing randomly, so I’ll try to knock more or let you know I’m here if you want?’

‘Thank you.’ You nodded, chuckling slightly. Jimin studied the books on the floor and then looked out at all the space and other opportunities you have to practice your abilities.

‘Starting small?’ He questioned, gesturing to the books on the floor. Your mouth opened to reply but you shut it again, not sure how to explain what you were feeling. ‘Or are you scared to try something bigger?’ Your eyes shot up to him and you swallowed as Jimin nodded sympathetically at you. He stepped forward reaching out an arm for your shoulders, stopping just before he touched you to ask, ‘May I?’

You nodded and he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, guiding you to the comfortable bench by the door. He sat you down, sitting next to you and he took his arm away, looking out at your practice room.

‘I understand, you know? I mean, obviously I will never fully understand how you feel, but I do understand that you’re feeling it. You’ve been told you were monsters, abominations, and having to fight and hurt people to escape the lab isn’t going to have helped your view of yourself. But I want to make sure that you know we don’t see you that way. If we thought you were monsters we wouldn’t have fought so hard to free you. We think you’re amazing, you’re the solution, you are the proof that we can fight for the good in the world again. I’m not asking you to climb up on those beams yet, but I think I do have something that may help you.’ Jimin reached into his pocket and pulled out a bright green pill.

‘Oh that looks healthy.’ You said sarcastically as he placed it in your hand. ‘Wait, do you want me to take it?’

‘Only if you want to.’ Jimin reassured you. ‘It’s radiation.’

‘You found a way to put radiation into a pill? Is that even possible?’ You turned it over in your fingers, studying the small object.

‘Yes, it took our scientists years, and we had Ten sending us information from the lab. He had to break into the doctor’s office to find their files. We learnt that, since the radiation is what gave you your powers, consuming radiation in some form, can enhance them.’

You stared at Jimin incredulously. ‘So you know I’m afraid to use my powers and you give me something that will make me more powerful?’

‘No, I’m giving you the chance to see that you are so much more than what they made you for.’ Jimin closed your hand around the pill. ‘Do with it what you will, and if you take it right now, or choose to never take it at all, it’s still okay. It’s completely up to you.’

With that Jimin stood, heading back towards the door. He paused for a second to turn back to you and nod before leaving. You opened your hand and stared at the green pill laying on your palm. A thousand thoughts ran through your mind.

How long would the pill last? Were the effects permanent? How much would it increase your abilities?

You were starting to wish that Jimin had stayed so that you could ask him these questions.

You lifted the pill up to the light, staring it down before finally making a decision. You placed it in your mouth, took a quick sip of water and swallowed. You took a deep breath, sinking down into the chair as you waited to feel something. You still weren’t sure if it was the right thing to do, but you decided to take a risk. 

After a few minutes you still weren’t feeling anything and you started to wonder if the pill had no effect. Your eyes drifted back to the books that still lay discarded on the floor. You stood, walking back into the middle of them and raised your hands.The books began to gently lift, you closed your eyes and breathed out, focusing your mind before bringing your arms in small circles. The books swirled around you, never hitting each other and instead dancing around them.

You opened your eyes, seeing what you were doing and smiled gently. You raised your hands even more and the books shot towards the ceiling, drawing patterns in the air. You brought your hands together, pulling all the books into a circle in the middle, before suddenly jerking them to the sides, hearing that satisfying sound of paper ripping as the books tore to shreds.

The books turned into a mess of whole pages, each one still in perfect condition, just now separate from the book it used to belong to. They began to come back towards you, swirling around and gaining speed as if it were a whirlpool. You felt your clothes and hair begin to move upwards with the wind that was created and you closed your eyes, relishing in the feeling of freedom. You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped your chest.

And then suddenly, you stopped it, keeping the pages exactly where they were, but static, enclosing you in a world of words. You left them there and just took a second to breathe. Even after doing that, you weren’t out of breath, and weren't tired in the slightest. You wanted more, wanted to do more, feel more. And you would, but not yet.

You gently lowered the pages to the ground, them forming a perfect circle around you. You stepped out of them, thinking for a second before focusing your mind once more and imagining them all going back to the book they belonged to. Obviously you couldn’t fix the damage, but it was the best you could do. The pages floated back, falling into the empty covers in the correct order, and then the partially repaired books drifted back towards the box.

You walked towards the door, turning back to look at the practice room behind you and as much as you tried to fight it, you couldn’t stop the small smile that stretched across your face. Maybe there was a good use for your powers.

You wandered out of your room, closing the door behind you before facing the corridor. Jimin was stood against a wall waiting for you and he smiled once you left.

‘You and Jaemin are the final ones, I was just waiting for you both to come out.’

At that moment Jaemin’s door opened and he emerged. He looked up, noticing you standing there, and began to walk towards you.

‘Lunch is almost over, you guys may want to hurry.’ Jimin informed you and you both nodded before heading off.

---

By the time you had arrived at the dining hall, lunch was over, but one of the guys who worked in the kitchen offered to make you a sandwich each. The two of you were waiting outside for them to be finished and you were studying Jaemin silently.

On the way over you had tried to make conversation with him, but had gotten only short answers in response. This wasn’t like Jaemin to be this quiet and brush you off, and you were starting to get worried. 

‘Jaemin?’ You asked and he looked up at you. ‘Is everything okay?’

‘Yeah, yeah I’m fine. I’ve just had a couple of things on my mind.’

Normally you would let it go, but this time you pressed him a bit more.

‘Like what?’

Jaemin looked up at you again, this time slower. He bit his lip, clearing debating whether he should tell you or not.

‘There’s just some recent things that have happened that’s got me questioning some things.’ He explained vaguely, so you pushed him a bit more.

‘What kind of things are you questioning?’

‘Here.’ Jaemin’s answer wasn’t what shocked you. What shocked you was the certainty behind his words. Whatever doubts he had about this place, he must have had them for a while to have that confidence in them. You nodded at him, encouraging him to keep going. He opened his mouth to speak, but suddenly the cook arrived, holding out two sandwiches and handing them to you with a friendly smile.

You smiled back, not failing to notice how Jaemin’s seemed a lot more forced than normal.

‘We can’t talk here, come on.’ With that, Jaemin nodded down the hall and led you back towards your rooms.

He walked fast, you jogging slightly to keep up with him, yet his pace never faltered. He led you into your room, checked to make sure the corridor was empty before firmly shutting the door behind him. He whirled around to face you and you prepared to ask him what the hell was going on, but he beat you to it.

‘How did they know Ten was dead?’ He asked you desperately and you stuttered, trying to take in what he was saying.

‘What- What do you mean?’

‘When we first met Jimin, he told us about Ten right?’ Jaemin asked, and you nodded remembering the moment clearly. ‘Exactly, and that was one of the main things that made us trust him. But then I started thinking, how could he possibly know he was dead? He had only been dead for a day by that point.’

‘Jaemin, they were probably expecting to hear from him and figured it out when he didn’t call.’ You tried to calm him down but Jaemin shook his head frantically.

‘No, see, I thought of that. But, remember when Ten and Doyoung were telling us about the initial escape plan, Jisung asked if we could contact the group and Ten said no. He said they know we’re on our way and what to look for, so it would be safer to limit conversations since they could be traced. The only way they could have found out that Ten was dead would be if they had contact with the lab. And let’s say they did, but it was with someone they put there. That’s safe right?’ You nodded again, and Jaemin continued, pulling at his hair slightly as he spoke. ‘But that doesn’t make sense because the only people on our side were Doyoung and Ten and they’re both dead. If someone else was on our side why wouldn’t Ten tell us about them? That means this place has had contact with the lab, and if they have, we aren’t safe here. Furthermore, Ten told us we would be moved on and there hasn’t been any mention of that. What if this is just a holding place for us to stay until the lab comes and gets us again?’

‘Ok, Jaemin, I need you to breathe right now.’ You approached him, placing your hands on his shoulders to try and calm your friend down. Jaemin had been talking fast, trying to say everything on his mind and now he was out of breath. ‘Look, yes, some of your points have made sense but I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation for it. Plus, if this place was part of the lab, why wouldn’t they have come to get us already? We’ve been here for days, why wait that long when they could just arrive in the middle of the night and get us when sleeping?’ You kept your voice soft, feeling Jaemin gradually calm down. ‘Let’s not be hasty alright, let’s stay calm, but also, we’ll keep one eye open for anything strange, just in case.’

Jaemin took a deep breath, finally relaxing. ‘Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’ll be fine, I’m just finding it hard to feel safe anywhere and I... god we could use Hyuck right now.’

A sad silence fell over the two of you as you remembered the sunshine boy. Your eyes drifted, finally landing on a pack of playing cards lying on a shelf. You walked towards them, picked them up and waved them at Jaemin.

‘Come one, let’s distract ourselves.’ You proposed, Jaemin smiling at you as you began to deal the cards out between the two of you.

When you were back at the lab, you all used to have a small bookcase in your rooms, each of which holding a few books and a deck of cards to keep you entertained. Obviously, after a few years of reading the same books day after day they get a bit boring, so the cards were your main source of entertainment.

However, it didn’t take long for you to burn through all the games you knew, and, after a short while you found yourselves getting bored. You threw down your cards, letting out a sigh as you lost to Jaemin once again. He chuckled at your irritation as he finished the last bite of his sandwich.

‘There are some perks to having a mind reading power.’ He gloated, laughing again at your expression of disbelief.

‘You cheat!’ You gasped, groaning out in annoyance as Jaemin searched for something to do.

He rolled onto his stomach, looking under your bed and let out a small shout of excitement when he found something. He brought his arm out, his hand wrapped around what looked like another deck of cards.

‘Tarot cards apparently.’ Jaemin mumbled, flipping the pack over to look for instructions. ‘I have no idea how to do this, do you?’

‘Umm, unfortunately not... but we could just spread them out and pick one or something?’ You suggested, shrugging your shoulders. Jaemin nodded, as he unpacked the cards and spread them on the ground.

You looked at the line of cards in front of you, studying the backs of them and tracing your fingers over them. You eventually came to settle on one, pulling it from the pack and holding it to your chest so that you didn’t see what it was. Jaemin did the same, grinning at you and telling you to turn yours around first.

‘Ohhhh, “The Lovers”.’ Jaemin whistled at you, raising his eyebrows teasingly. You turned the card over studying the design, unable to stop the small smile on your face. ‘Thinking of anyone in particular y/n?’

Your eyes shot towards the boy in front of you who was clearly enjoying this.

‘No.’ You mumbled out, your face heating up as you both knew that wasn’t true.

‘Alright I’ll stop the teasing for now. What’s mine?’

Jaemin flipped his card over and your face fell, your brow furrowing as disbelief came over you. You blinked a couple of times, reading and rereading the card he held to make sure that you had gotten it right.

‘Y/n?’ Jaemin prompted, obviously confused as to what was taking you so long.

You swallowed, the archaically styled letters glaring back at you.

‘Death.’

---

You let out a scream of frustration as the book you were holding in mid air not only tore apart, but literally burst into pieces. You could not have been more thankful for the radiation as the extra power was helping you release some pent up anger.

You stared at the carnage on the floor, shreds of paper surrounded you, and you couldn’t help but feel guilty at destroying so many books. However, this guilt just fuelled even more irritation and you grabbed the closest thing you could see, the giant box which the books came in, and obliterated it.

You leant over, resting your hands on your knees as you caught your breath. You were experimenting with new things every day, but it was tiring you out. However, you couldn’t help but think that Jimin had been right, the more you experiment, the less afraid you become of your powers.

You heard another door buzz, signalling that someone else had finished and decided to call it a day, jogging to your door to catch whoever it was who was leaving. You slipped out of your room, finding the corridor empty. You shrugged, and instead headed back up to your room for a shower.

---

You stepped out of the bathroom, using your towel to dry your hair as best you could and almost jumped out of your skin when you saw someone in your room.

‘Sorry! Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.’ Jeno chuckled at your expression as you threw your towel at him.

‘It’s not really your fault, I guess I’ve been a little on edge today.’ You said, approaching him.

‘Are you okay?’ He asked, his eyebrows furrowing in worry.

‘Yeah, yeah I’m fine.’ You reassure him. ‘Just habit I guess.’

Jeno nodded, understanding the feeling perfectly. He closed the distance between the two of you, comfortingly wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

‘I know.’ He whispered into your hair. ‘It’s hard to settle down, but y/n we’re going to be okay. This place... it’s the first time in my life I’ve ever felt safe. And I don’t want you to be afraid of it. Nothing can reach us in here, I promise.’

‘Okay.’ You whispered back, choosing not to tell him about what you and Jaemin discussed. In fact, the whole conversation slipped from your mind the second Jeno hugged you. All you could focus on was his breathing and the way that his arms held you tightly, keeping you sheltered from any evil in this world.

He pulled away slightly, leaning back so that he could look into your eyes, his eyes somehow holding the entire universe in them.

‘No matter what happens, I’ll keep you safe.’ He promised and you found it impossible to take your eyes off him as you replied.

‘I know.’

His hands lightly traced their way down your body, moving from your shoulders to your waist and gently grabbing you there. Yours travelled up his chest, eventually winding around his neck as you both stood in each other’s embrace.

You thought you’d be nervous. You thought that ever being in this position with Jeno would make you embarrassed but you didn’t feel that way. Instead it just felt right, like somehow, this was exactly where you were supposed to be.

Jeno was the first to break eye contact, this gaze slipping from your eyes and onto your lips before moving back up again. You copied his movements, glancing down at his lips before looking back up at him through your eyelashes.

He leaned down gently, stopping quickly to let you push him away, but you nodded, instead moving up to meet him. Jeno saw you move towards him and reacted, closing the gap between the two of you and gently pressing his lips to yours.

He pulled away too soon, leaving you wanting more as he quietly asked:

‘Was that okay?’

Instead of saying yes, you leaned back into him, kissing him again. His arms wrapped around your waist as he pulled you closer, kissing you back with more passion.

You pressed your body into his, as if you were trying to eliminate any space between the two of you, as you got lost in him. You eventually had to pull away, the need to breathe breaking you out of the daze you were in.

You and Jeno both kept your eyes closed, and he gently rested his forehead on yours as you both caught your breath. You eventually forced your eyes open, blinking a couple of times and found Jeno already staring at you, taking in every detail on your face.

‘You’re so beautiful.’ He breathed, bringing his hand up to your face to stroke your cheek.

You smiled up at him, leaning in for another soft kiss, sighing as your lips met.

If you’d thought that hugging Jeno felt right, then kissing him felt as though it had been designed by the heavens.

Jeno wrapped his arms back around your waist, lifting you just enough to be able to fall on the bed behind you. You let out a laugh as your back hit the mattress. Jeno’s arms came around your body, securely keeping you close to him as you both got comfortable.

Jeno was lying on his back, with you half on top of him as his arms wrapped around your shoulders and waist, and you placed your head in his neck. He tilted his head towards you, sighing into your hair before kissing you on the forehead.

You had no idea how long it took you to fall asleep, time having no importance to you while you were curled up on Jeno’s chest. You weren’t sure if it was the heat radiating off his body, the sound of his heart beat and rhythm of his soft breaths, or the way his hand was stroking your hair, but you soon drifted off. Jeno fell asleep after you, whispering a confession that you were just awake enough to hear, but too far gone to reply or properly register what he said.

‘I think I love you.’

---

You woke up to a constant banging on your door, pulling you harshly out of the comfortable hold that sleep had on you. You lifted your head up, too drowsy to open your eyes fully as you croaked towards the door, asking who it was.

Jisung’s voice echoed through your room, saying that you slept through the morning and to come and get lunch. Your eyes sprung open at that, confused as to how you had slept through the whole morning, and you tried to sit up, failing when the two arms that were wrapped around you refused to let you go.

Jeno let out a small groan, pulling you back into his chest and curling around you more.

‘Where are you going?’ He mumbled as you chuckled at his behaviour.

‘Turns out we slept through the whole morning, we need to get lunch and then head off to train.’ You answered, finding it incredibly difficult to tear yourself away from the boy next to you. ‘God, I can’t believe it... waking up at midday...’

‘And without that goddamn alarm.’ Jeno muttered, his voice slightly muffled but the annoyance was clear in his words. ‘I swear to god, I wanted to tear that thing off the wall and break it into pieces every time it woke us up in the morning.’

You laughed at that, memories of mornings in the lab clouding your mind. It seemed like a lifetime ago, but also felt like just yesterday at the same time. You supposed the latter was more accurate.

Eventually Jeno let go of you, and the two of you quickly got up and dressed, before hurrying down to the dining room for lunch. You grabbed your meals before heading to the table where the other four boys sat, already talking about their days.

Jisung was the one speaking when you both arrived.

‘I swear, I never thought that I would ever be able to lift and throw the things I am now with this radiation.’ He exclaimed excitedly and Renjun nodded in agreement.

‘I’m holding illusions that are so much more lifelike and for much longer times. The other day, I added moving beings into it, layering other aspects to make it more realistic.’

‘That’s insane Renjun!’ Jeno breathed as Renjun nodded rapidly at his friend. Mark soon joined in the conversation, speaking about how much his healing abilities had improved.

The four of them were quickly lost in their discussion, telling stories of their experiences in training, what they hoped to accomplish and how safe they felt here. While you were happy for them and excited for what you would experiment with today, you couldn’t help but remember the conversation you and Jaemin had had recently.

His doubts echoed around in your head, and one look at his uneasy face at the table told you everything you needed to know.

He wasn’t feeling safe.

---

You took a deep breath, calming your mind before you opened your eyes and stared at what was in front of you. You just had to do this once and then you were finished for the day.

You brought your hand up to your forehead, wiping away the small amount of sweat there, and planted your feet into the ground. You ignore how high up you were, instead focusing on the planks suspended from the ceiling that you were preparing to jump across.

You knew the radiation was on your side, and you took off. You began at a run, not wanting to stay on each beam for too long. You knew that they would swing and it would ruin your balance, so you planned on moving across them as quickly as possible.

You jumped off the edge, sailing easily towards the first beam, using your ability to keep it steady and you ran across. You reached the end, letting go of the beam and instead focusing your mind on your feet. You pushed yourself higher, clearing the second gap and landed softly, before running again.

You barely stopped moving, constantly leaping from one area to another, and keeping the beam steady until you jumped, when you gave yourself help and then focusing back on the beam to prepare for your landing.

You were approaching the final jump, the furthest one you would have to do. You narrowed your eyes, determination taking over and you picked up speed. You let go of the beam, jumping with all your might and pushed yourself up. The final platform sailed towards you and landed. You bent your knees, falling into a roll to redirect the leftover momentum.

You came to standing, staring back at what you had just accomplished and letting out a laugh. Pride flooded your system as you made your way down from the heights and out of your training room.

As you left, you saw Jaemin’s door open at the same time as yours. You almost ran towards him, ready to tell him about what you had done, but you never got the chance.

He immediately grabbed you by the wrist, pulling you away from the training rooms.

‘Jaemin? What’s wrong?’ You asked, but he didn’t reply.

Jaemin walked faster than he ever had before, only slowing down when you passed someone so he didn’t draw attention to the two of you. You almost stumbled multiple times, but still he dragged you straight into your room and slammed the door behind him.

You recognised his behaviour from the time he told you his fears about this place, so you knew what was coming.

‘I can’t read anyone’s mind.’ He spat, his expression a mixture of anger, confusion and fear.

‘What?’ You breathed. ‘How is that possible?’

‘I don’t know...’ Jaemin shook his head. ‘I’ve been trying to read their minds ever since that thought about Ten crossed my mind, and it’s not possible. But do you know the only other time I couldn’t read someone’s mind? Back in the lab. I never knew why I couldn’t read the guards minds, until one day one of them passed me with their helmet off and I heard everything. I think there’s something in their armour or helmet that disrupts the frequency and I can’t hear their thoughts.’

‘Ok... but Jaemin, that doesn’t necessarily mean anything about this place. The building is old and damaged, maybe something in it that disrupts the frequency.’ You offered. Even though what Jaemin was saying made you nervous, you didn’t want to freak out unless you needed to.

‘Ok, then answer me this: why can I still hear your thoughts? Why do I know about how you and Jeno have spent almost every night together since we arrived? Why do I know what you did in your training today?’ Jaemin challenged and you fell silent. ‘And let’s say it means nothing, just for the sake of it, what do you think these people have to hide? What can they not tell us? Aren’t you tired of constantly being kept in the dark? with this and Ten I don’t - I can’t-’ Jaemin paused for a second, taking a deep breath to calm himself. ‘Y/n, you know me. You know that I’m not someone who irrationally overthinks without reason. You know I would never be saying this if it wasn’t serious. And I’m telling you, something doesn’t feel right about this place.’

You breathed out, taking a step backwards and sitting down on your bed. Your legs felt as though they had turned to jelly. The same, however, could not be said for Jaemin who was pacing around your room, still listing things that were on his mind.

‘Also, there’s the similarities between our days here and at the lab. The training, the meals, the solidarity - it’s the same things, just in a bigger space so we don’t notice it.’ You furrowed your eyebrows at that, not entirely convinced by his point, but Jaemin noticed your expression and kept talking. ‘Think about it, have you ever been able to go into the dining room, or the training room when you weren’t told you could? And the training... it’s so similar to when we were at the lab. I did distance training today and I barely made it though, I kept having flashbacks to the lab. What did you do?’

‘Agility.’ You whispered, not wanting to admit to yourself that it was true, but deep down you knew it was.

This facility was just an extension of the lab.

Your body began to shake, the reality of the situation setting in and you thought back to your time here, and tried to find any moments that you should have questioned or thought twice about. Then it dawned on you.

‘The radiation...’ Jaemin eyes shot towards you, begging you to continue what you were saying. ‘There was something Jimin said to me the day he gave me the radiation pill. I thought nothing of it at the time but now- oh god. He said that Ten had to break into the doctor’s office to find the files, but why would Ten have to break in if Doyoung was there?’ 

‘Because Ten and Doyoung weren’t working for this place.’ Jaemin sighed as the mystery of how you ended up here began to fall into place.

‘Wait-’ You held up a hand. ‘But why would Ten tell us to come here then?’

For the first time since you had entered your room, Jaemin stopped moving, his feet coming to an abrupt stop underneath him. You both sat in silence for a few seconds, wondering if this had been the plan all along, if everything, you finding out about the lab, your escape, Doyoung’s death, Ten’s death, if it had all been some elaborate scheme. Then Jaemin’s jaw dropped and he whirled around to face you.

‘He never said here... Ten never specified where we were going, he just told us to go. He must have meant some place else, because this isn’t a safe haven at all. It’s just another place for us to train while they record some more data, this time with the effect of radiation.’

Your head was spinning, all these new revelations swimming around, making you dizzy.

‘The lab hasn’t come to bring us back...’

‘Because they didn’t need to. We never left.’ Jaemin finished your sentence.

A heavy silence fell over the two of you as your eyes were finally opened to the truth. Doyoung and Ten were on your side, they had done everything, given their lives so that the two of you could escape the lab. And you had unknowingly run straight back to it.

‘What can we do?’ Jaemin asked quietly and you looked up at him.

‘We have to tell the others. Whatever we do about this, we do it together.’ You stated and Jaemin nodded.

‘You’re right. So let’s go?’ You nodded at his question. It was not going to be an easy conversation but you both knew that you couldn’t keep the other boys in the dark.

You both stood and walked towards the door when it suddenly opened, and Jimin appeared. You both jumped out of your skin, staring at the man in front of you with the smile that he always wore staring you both down.

‘There you are Jaemin! Sorry I didn’t mean to make you jump, it looks like I’ve interrupted something, but we’ve got a busy day tomorrow. You’re going to head outside to practice your abilities without the restraints of those rooms, so you’re going to want to get a good night's sleep.’ You both nodded in response, neither of you trusting yourself to say a word, or to even move. ‘So, Jaemin, head back to your room.’

‘I-’ Jaemin swallowed. ‘I just need a few more minutes.’

‘No. Back to your room.’ Jimin said sharply, in a tone that reminded you painfully of the guards in the lab. It was only there for a second however, the tension soon melting off him and being replaced with that sickly sweet smile.

Jaemin turned to face you, a million questions in his eyes and you placed your hands on his shoulders.

‘Tomorrow then, together, we’ll do it in the morning. All of us.’ You told him, keeping it as vague as possible since Jimin was standing right there.

Jaemin nodded, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you in for a hug. You were confused but complied, understanding what he was doing when he began to whisper into your ear.

‘I need you to promise me something. No matter what happens, remember I love you. No matter where we go, or what happens to any of us. I love you. Thank you for being my friend.’

Jaemin pulled away from you and was quickly guided out of your room by Jimin. He looked over his shoulder at you one last time and you nodded at him, not knowing why he wanted you to promise that, but something about the final look in his eyes unnerved you.

You walked back towards your bed, falling onto it and imagining the conversation you were going to have to have the next day. You stare at the door, waiting for Jeno to arrive, but he never did.

You guessed he had been told by Jimin to stay in his own room and, since he still trusted him and this place, Jeno would have no reason to say no. You had no idea how you were going to break the news to the other boys. They felt safe here, and, even though you knew they weren’t, and you knew that taking away the only safe place they had ever known would break them.

It was starting to feel like it had all been for nothing. It turns out you were right when you said you had never escaped the lab, but you hadn’t known just how right you had been. But you had to escape, you had to tell the boys the truth. You owed it to them, you owed it to Doyoung and Ten and you owed it to Chenle and Hyuck.

Yet that final look in Jaemin’s eyes as he looked back at you over his shoulder haunted you. For some reason, you had a terrible feeling that finding out about this place wouldn’t be the end to your journey, but instead the beginning of the next part of it.

It took you hours, but eventually you fell into a very uneasy sleep.

---

You woke up to the sound of someone knocking on your door. Once you registered what that sound was, you stumbled out of bed and ran towards your door, yanking it open and expecting to see Jaemin on the other side.

Instead you were greeted by a member of the Orb who informed you of the day’s events.

‘We’re planning to leave just before lunch.’ He finished and you thanked him before closing the door again.

You wasted no time, getting dressed as quickly as you could and making your way down to Jaemin’s room. You knew you had to tell the other boys about it as soon as possible, they couldn’t go outside and show the lab the full extent of what they could do.

You knocked on Jaemin’s door, confused when you got no response. You turned the handle, opening it slightly and peering inside. However, he wasn’t there. You turned away from his room, trying to figure out where he would be. You checked the bathrooms, the kitchens, the dining room, the communal areas and even the other boys’ rooms, but there was still no sign of Jaemin.

You wandered the halls you had become increasingly familiar with, constantly turning your head to see if you could spot Jaemin anywhere. You were starting to get increasingly confused, unable to think of any room you hadn’t checked. You paused, leaning against a wall and resting your head back on it as you wracked your brain.

You were lost in thought, mentally mapping out the layout of the Orb in an attempt to find a room you may have missed when your eyes came into focus on a door. You remembered it from your initial tour, it was brushed off as nothing more than just a closet that’s rarely in use, but something in you was telling you to open it.

You stepped forwards, checking around you to make sure that you were alone, and your hand gripped the handle. You pushed down and rattled the door, letting out a small groan of frustration when it turned out to be locked. You took your hand off the knob, instead placing it over the keyhole, and gently twisting it to the left. You heard the lock open with a satisfying click and you pushed the door open and you looked inside.

You almost slammed the door shut again straight away. Your hand immediately shot up to cover your mouth and it took everything in you not to throw up at the sight in front of you. As horrific as the scene was, and as much as you wanted to look away, you couldn’t find a way to tear your eyes away from it. 

The room was small, dimly lit by the individual lightbulb hanging overhead, and inside it lay a single chair. But it was what was on the chair that caused your violent reaction. Sat there, on the chair, was a dead body. The blood that fell from their neck covered their clothes and it was clear that they had been in this position when they were killed. Their hands were brought behind them, tied behind the chair to prevent them from moving and their feet were similarly bound to the chair legs. When your gaze wandered upwards, past the fatally deep slash in their neck that you could tell cost them their life, to the dull, empty eyes of the victim, you couldn’t help the guttural scream that tore from your throat as you started into his lifeless face.

It was Jaemin.

[chipper9906]

Maybe

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR LOKI SEASON 01 EPISODE 05: ‘JOURNEY INTO MYSTERY’ AND SEASON 01 EPISODE 04: ‘THE NEXUS EVENT’

Pairings: Loki/Sylvie

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 4,124 

Status: One Shot - Complete

Chapter Preview:

He had meant for it to come out more as a question, an offering. A possibility for the both of them. But what it really sounded like was a… well; a sincere, hope-filled attempt to keep hold of… this. Whatever this was, he knew he wanted it. However things went, he knew-

He wanted Sylvie in his life.

His heart was racing in his chest, pounding almost as hard as it does in the midst of battle. In the unlikely event he’s a free man after all of this over, he’ll have to go and find his brother - if he’ll even talk to him, that is - and apologize for the harsh insult he used; for berating his older brother over his affection for that Earth woman.

He understood now.

Link To Fic

OR

Click Below To Keep Reading

Author Note: 

Oh Boy, here I go again, getting sucked into yet another ship. Basically, this is a dive into Loki's thoughts during the blanket scene in Episode 5 "Journey Into Mystery" because man, I sure do love getting into a character's head and breaking down their thought process.

P.S. No joke, I think I re-watched the blanket scene like... over 40 times I counted, roughly. Wanted to make sure I got every detail right lmao.

Oh wow, would you look at that - yet ANOTHER fic based on the blanket scene? I'm sure this hasn't been done by many different people ever since Episode 5 aired! Nah, I'm sure this is purely original stuff.

(Listen, this scene and - consequently - this fic got stuck in my head and I just had to write it down and... well here we are.

* * *

This was, as he had said, new for him.

It was… strange, to say the least. Not just because the woman who was sat next to him was, technically, on some sort of level, himself. And yet… not. Sylvie was her own person, that was for sure. And the only Loki, from who he’s met, who refuses to be called Loki. She had chosen her own name, and was currently choosing – or carving, was more accurate – her own path. A way out of the never-ending, self-sabotaging, “only use is for improving others” apparent destiny they’ve all found themselves in.

She had lived an entirely different life from him - and the use of the word ‘different’ here is strongly applied. It makes him a little uneasy when he dwells on it for too long if he’s being honest with himself. Yes, there may some similarities between them, as to be expected, but Sylvie had lived her own set of experiences different to his. Differences that had shaped her, made her see the world… universe… timeline? All of that, in a different way to him. Learning of the things she had gone through, what she’s trying to accomplish… it made his “glorious purpose” of ruling over “Mid-guard” seem like a spoiled boy's desperate attempt to feel important.

Everything with Sylvie and the TVA had shut down that ideal very quickly. Or, at least, has changed his view of his “Glorious Purpose”. The one change that he hadn’t seen coming, that Sylvie herself had told him; the very first words she had actually said to him:

“This isn’t about you.”

No, it wasn’t about him. Not just him, anyway. It was… it was all of him. Every version of himself out there, and every other variant of... Of everyone to have ever existed. Those, just like him, who are punished for stepping out of their pre-written timeline. Those that, when they try to change themselves, to be the person who those that loved him did everything in their power to guide them to be, were snatched away by the TVA and sent here to this pit of unwanted, broken things; left with nothing but unforgiving and dirty survival, only to lead to their inevitable death. 

And it’s cold.

“Mobius isn’t so bad.”

Sylvie breaks the comfortable lull of silence they had found themselves in. They were, technically, supposed to be ironing out the details of this plan to enchant a creature much, much larger than them, whose only desire is to eat everything that enters the world they’re currently in. Which is why, perhaps, they had taken the moment to just… breathe. A moment of rest, side by side. Whilst it was true that his plan of killing the gargantuan cloud thing was near suicidal, it would be fair to say that Sylvie’s plan was equally as dangerous. Then again, what did he expect? Seemed that every type of Loki out there isn’t the best at creating plans…

“Or so good,” Loki counters. It seemed almost cruel to say, but… it was also true, wasn’t it? Sure, Mobius had done the things he’d done because he thought they were the right things to do – but that didn’t take away from the fact that he’d done them. How many variants, not only of him, but of so many other poor souls had been doomed to this place because of his work? Still, it wasn’t like Mobius had the full picture with everything. Mobius had been lied to just as much as he had. “I think that’s why we get along.”

A small smile pulls at Sylvie’s lips. She takes a deep breath in, staring out to the horizon where Alioth awaits prowling his territory. “He cares about you.”

That catches him off guard. He supposed that she and Mobius must have had some type of conversation in however long they’d spent driving to reach them. Apparently, the topic of conversation must have steered towards him at some point. And somehow, through that, Sylvie had deduced that Mobius… cared about him?

There’s a soft, knowing smile on Sylvie’s face as she catches sight of his reaction. It was probably the closest similarity they shared: friendships… didn’t quite seem to happen for them. 

But there’s something else there in Sylvie’s expression as she looks to him. Almost a twinge of… of sadness. It sends an aching sort of pain through his chest as he sees it, coming to a sudden realization in his head. He knew that, deep down, the reason for his own loneliness was all due to himself. He knows now that there were plenty in his life that loved him, that always treated him like family even when, genetically, he wasn’t. But he had been blinded by jealousy and hatred, hatred that they had kept the secret of his true nature quiet for so long. It was because of this; this stubbornness and this selfish, false ideal that he deserves more, that he had made himself alone. 

But Sylvie…? She had been well and truly alone. From such a young age, an age where his mother had barely begun teaching him the basics of magic, she had been snatched away from her life. Everything she ever knew and loved had been wiped away, the timeline dumped here just like everything else the TVA – or whoever the hell is actually in charge of the damn universe and its multiple timelines – decided was too much of a threat. Ever since then, from that very same day she had managed to escape their clutches, she had been running alone. All those years, fighting to survive, completely alone, existing in one apocalypse after the other. Even if she did try and interact with the people in those timelines, what would be the point? They were doomed to die, anyway… 

Her words echo in his head for a moment, her sad smile seemingly etched into his memory. A part of him, that strangely soft side he didn’t know existed that had been growing stronger and stronger these past few days, burst with the need to do something, to remove the pain she was feeling. For just a split second, he nearly gives into it. He nearly says the words that were forcing their way to the forefront of his brain. 

‘I care about you.’

But the words stay safely locked away in his head. Sylvie looks away from him, and the moment passes. He didn’t know if she had been expecting for him to say anything, and he certainly didn’t know what it is she might have thought he would say. His mind clambers for something, for anything to try and bring the moment back.

A strong gust of cool wind blows over them, sending chills across his pale skin - despite the long-sleeved shirt he was wearing. He knew that, if he really wanted to warm himself up, he could shift into his true form. Except, he didn’t see it as his true form. He has been an Asgardian as long as he can remember, and for all intents and purpose, this is who he’s meant to be. He is the son of Odin, son of Frigga, brother to Thor, an Asgardian, and he’s proud of that. 

And that’s when the idea pops into his head.

“It’s cold,” Loki states the obvious to Sylvie with a shiver of his upper body, glancing over to try and catch her reaction out of the corner of his eye. For a moment, he wonders if Sylvie has the same views on their true heritage as he does, considering that, in her timeline, she was told she was adopted much earlier than he was. 

She doesn’t mention anything about it, though. Instead, she simply agrees with his statement with a hum of “Mmm-Hmm,” but it’s exactly the kind of answer he’s looking for.

From the outside, it looks like an easy twirl of his fingers and a burst of lime-green light, but in reality, it’s years and years of practice, both by himself and… and with his mother. The weight of the blanket - though light - is comforting as it wraps around his shoulders; silky smooth to the touch and of a darker green than the light of his their magic. 

The burst of color gets Sylvie’s attention, looking over to Loki again to see the new blanket he had materialized out of seemingly thin air - which… he did. 

“I could conjure one for you, if you like?” Loki offers.

Sylvie smiles for just a split second, enough for Loki to believe that she might just say yes. But then her nose scrunches as she comes back to herself, and the belief is gone. “Tell you what, you could conjure me a new outfit,” Sylvie says off-handedly, pulling at the tight collar of her outfit. “You have no idea how uncomfortable something like this is.”

It’s a deflection. He knows that all too well, because… because it’s something he’d do. Not that he can blame her in the slightest. As he had said, just before he was pruned through the heart and sent here - this was entirely new for him. Sure, he had had his fair share of flings back home. Rare occasions when he would give in to temptations, let himself experience a slice of normality. But it was never real. He did not doubt that those that fell into his bed did not do so because they felt a connection, or saw a future. And neither did he. He was a prince, a God, and for most, saying you were able to seduce a prince was an achievement. And for him? Well, it was an easy means to an end, he supposed. 

But this? This felt real. It was strange, it was something he had never experience before, and quite frankly, it scared the ever-living God’s out of him. So sure, he knew how to flirt… somewhat. But with this, with Sylvie? Everything was different, and he had no clue whatsoever what he should do.

“So…” Sylvie breaks him out of his thoughts. “Mobius, and his theory about…”

Oh. Well, he certainly hadn’t been expecting for the conversation to go there. Really, he had thought she might try and pretend to have never heard what Mobius had said. 

“Right, right. About our Nexus event-,”

“Total rubbish, right?”

He’d be lying if he said that didn’t sting a little bit. “Absolutely,” ‘Liar’, a voice in his head hisses. “Of course, I mean-,”

“I don’t mean that it wasn’t a nice moment,” Sylvie hurries to say, and it lessens that sting just a little bit. 

“No, it was great! It was really nice.”

“It just… sounds like another TVA lie.”

Which... Yes, when he thinks about it, could you easily have been a lie. Not that he thinks that Mobius would lie to them about this, no, but that someone else within the TVA had fed Mobius the lie. For what reason, he's not entirely sure. To throw them off the scent perhaps? Keep them from figuring out what can really cause a Nexus Event so powerful that it could conceivably take the TVA down. 

Or, perhaps they just enjoyed lying. More than him even - and that's saying something. 

"A hundred percent. I mean totally, yeah."

And oh, what was this? Loki tries to meet her eye, expecting her to nod her head vehemently in agreement to his statement. But... She won't look at him. She gives a somewhat strained-looking smile, more like a grimace than anything, and if he looks hard enough - by which he means projects his own feelings onto Sylvie and hopes she feels the same - he could almost imagine there was a flicker of disappointment there, too. 

"I don't know how to do this," Sylvie says, an admission he didn't expect. She looks about as awkward as he feels, eyes fixated on her fingers as she plays with them. 

"I don't even know what we're doing," Loki returns, and dear oh dear did he genuinely mean that. One moment he thinks he should take that step, say something, anything. And then the very next moment it becomes the wrong time, the wrong thing to say, and he's back to square one. 

It was frustrating, to say the least.

"I don't have friends," Sylvie carries on, and it's another dagger through the heart. Yet another thing that was so similar, yet so, so different. He had been given so many opportunities for companionship, for friends, but he repeatedly threw them all away. But Sylvie? She wasn't even given the chance. She truly had-

"I don't have..." Sylvie trails off, a long gap where she struggles to find the right word to use. Her eyes had locked onto his, and he knew that nothing less than Alioth appearing right above their heads would get him to tear his eyes away.

"... Anyone." 

"Well, there are more important things, right?" Loki desperately grasps for something to wipe away the blank, dejected look that was etched onto her features. 

"Right? Yeah, like bringing down the TVA." 

For once, one of his plans was going well. "Saving the universe, even."

"Well, there's no need to be dramatic - but yeah, kind of!" 

Then there it was again - a particularly strong breeze pushing up to the little hill they were sat on. Sylvie gives a little shiver as it washes over them, a barely noticeable shuffle in an attempt to get warm, and Loki jumps at the opportunity. 

It only takes one small adjustment, a brief push of magic, and then the blanket is growing, wrapping itself around Sylvie's shoulders in a motion so smooth, you'd think he'd done something like this hundreds of times before. Loki smiles gently to her when she notices the change, and his smile only grows more as Sylvie pulls the blanket tighter around her shoulders, shuffling closer to him by just the smallest of movements. Yet another plan he could now say was a success. 

"It's not very snuggly."

Or, maybe not. "Okay," Loki manages to get out through a surprised laugh, but he does get some sort of gratification in seeing her smile at his response. 

"Is it a tablecloth?" 

"No, it's a blanket," Loki finds himself strangely defending his materialized choice of cloth. 

There’s a pause, the quickest of glances up to him. He sees a brief flash of pink as she pokes out the tip of her tongue between her lips, wetting them as she struggles to get out her next words. “Thank you.”

Loki gets a strange feeling she doesn’t get to say that all too often. Whether that be because she chooses not to, or because she’s never had the opportunity to. When was the last time someone did something nice for her…?

“My pleasure.”

Sure, this was all new, and all types of scary. But, as he sat here, shoulder to shoulder with Sylvie, looking out to the dreary yet oddly beautiful landscape scattered with remnants from pruned timelines, he can't help but feel that this moment right here? It was… nice. Despite the TVA, despite Alioth, despite the fear of imminent death he’s had to live through nearly every moment since the Tesseract flung him into that desert in Mongolia, he had managed to find himself some semblance of peace. 

And it was because of the person next to him.

“How do I know that, in the final moments, you won't betray me?”

Now, this was a conversation he had been expecting. How can he not? It seemed that nearly every single person he’s ever come across, who he hasn’t immediately tried to murder, wonders the exact same thing. The ‘inevitable’ betrayal every Loki seems incapable not to carry out. 

And he couldn’t blame them, just as he can’t blame Sylvie for wondering the same thing. Really, he had thought the whole reason she had wanted this moment to talk to him was to have this very conversation. It was… it was something he had thought about himself, ever since being dragged in by the TVA. It was Mobius that had shown him his consistent deceitful nature - quite literally, by showing him film of every moment in his life where his flair for dramatics and affiliation for backstabbing was apparently used for ‘the bettering of others’. 

It had become deeply ingrained into his nature. It became what he was known for, what his family knew him for. He supposed it gave him some sense of… satisfaction, perhaps? A false sense of security, that he always has the upper hand when need be. It was almost like a trial, opportunities to prove to himself that, when the time comes, he can do what it takes to claim what he, false-fully, felt he was owed. He was certain that the only path to being a rightful ruler was one filled with betrayal. 

And now, after only a few days with Mobius - and an even shorter amount of days with Sylvie, his previous ambition he’s been working towards for so long suddenly wasn’t as important. Things had changed. 

He had changed. 

And that was part of the reason the TVA wanted him dead. 

“Listen, Sylvie, I…” Loki starts, but then stops. He sighs deeply, wanting to find the best way to get this across to her. He needed her to understand. “I betrayed everyone who ever loved me. I betrayed my father, my brother… my home.”

He at least had her full attention now. No more awkward glances at one another, unable to maintain more than a few seconds of eye contact. This was important, and they both knew it. “I know what I did. And I know why I did it. And that’s not who I am anymore. Okay?”

There’s nothing on her face that he can read, nothing that says whether she believes him or not. She had been expecting him to say this, he supposed. “I won't let you down,” Loki says, and he says it like a promise - one he fully intends to keep. 

“You sure?” Sylvie asks, and he nods his head straight away in response. “ ‘Cause if we make it, and the TVA is gone, there might be a timeline for you to rule.” Sylvie continues with a challenging - yet slightly teasing- narrowing of her eyes. 

“Ah,” Loki says wistfully, looking out to the horizon as if dreaming of such an event. “And then I’d finally be happy.”

Except, he wouldn’t. He only has to look at his older self to know that. The only one of himself that had beaten the one event that’s supposed to define their lives. He had tricked the mad titan himself, found himself a little corner of the universe to live out his life in peace. No more people he has to challenge, no more opportunities for betrayal - by him, or to him. 

And he looked… miserable. 

Now, though? Right here and now, he wasn’t miserable. He certainly wasn’t relaxed, that was for sure, but far from miserable. He had ended his little exclamation with a rare smile that wasn’t a smirk - or forced- and miraculously, Sylvie returned one just as wide as his; wide enough even for him to see the little laughter lines crinkling at the corner of her eyes.

“What about you?” Loki asks. “What will you do when this is all over?”

Sylvie takes a moment to think, tucking an unruly strand of hair away from her face. “I don’t know.”

He couldn’t even begin to try and put himself in her shoes. Sylvie had spent… hundreds, perhaps even a thousand years of her life just running. Surviving. Doing whatever it takes to make sure she wasn’t wiped off the board by some mystery figure, or group, that had deemed her too dangerous to the timeline. And for what? Some kind of sick desire to have control over every single living thing in every type of Universe to ever exist?

Which… which sounded an awful lot like himself, now he thought about it. Maybe whoever was in charge of the TVA was another variant of himself…

“I don’t know either,” Loki said, and that added to the tally of growing truths he was admitting to people - perhaps the most in his life. 

At some point, this all had to be over. Whether… whether it ends in his death once again, another defeat by a power-hungry being, or with their victory. No more TVA. No more pruning of variants. No more control. Sure, Sylvie had made that joke about him ruling a separate timeline, but… what would he do once this was all over, assuming her survives it? What did he want to do?

What does he want? 

‘Look at your eyes! You like her!’

‘What?’

‘You like her! Does she like you?’

‘Was she pruned-’

‘No wonder you have no clue what caused the Nexus Event on Lamentis; both of you are swooning over each other!’

‘Tell me the truth-’

‘It’s the apocalypse! Two Variants of the same being, especially you, forming this sick, twisted romantic relationship - that’s pure chaos! That could break reality, it’s breaking my reality right now! What an incredible, seismic narcissist - you fell for yourself!’

‘Her name was Sylvie’.

Mobius had truly tricked him there. At least now he knew how cruel it was to be on the other side of such a bluff, he supposed. He had always prided himself on his acting abilities, his innate way of lying to others. Yet, apparently, when it came to Sylvie… he puts his full emotions on display. He had become too overcome with emotions at the mere thought of Mobius telling the truth, that Sylvie was well and truly gone, and he had snapped. He was…

Yes… That was the word. 

He was heartbroken. 

‘You conniving, craven, pathetic worm. I hope you know you deserve to be alone and you always will be.’

‘Do you really think you deserve to be alone?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Well then you better figure it out quick, because the Nexus Event the two of you caused, whatever that connection is, can bring this whole place down.’

Maybe, just maybe… Mobius was onto something there. Maybe Sif, even in that small, once insignificant memory buried in his mind, was wrong. 

Maybe he didn’t deserve to be alone.

Maybe he didn’t have to be. 

“Maybe…” The words get caught in his throat, spoken softer than he intended to. He involuntary finds himself leaning closer to Sylvie, to the warmth radiating from her, trapped within the blanket wrapped around them. “Maybe we could figure it out... together.”

He had meant for it to come out more as a question, an offering. A possibility for the both of them. But what it really sounded like was a… well; a sincere, hope-filled attempt to keep hold of… this. Whatever this was, he knew he wanted it. However things went, he knew-

He wanted Sylvie in his life. 

His heart was racing in his chest, pounding almost as hard as it does in the midst of battle. In the unlikely event he’s a free man after all of this over, he’ll have to go and find his brother - if he’ll even talk to him, that is - and apologize for the harsh insult he used; for berating his older brother over his affection for that Earth woman. 

He understood now. 

He almost misses the slightest of reactions as Sylvie looks up to him - and what he knows is an earnest, vulnerable glaze in his eyes. It’s the smallest of things, almost impossible to see, but there’s a slight pull to the corner of her lips as she looks to him. Almost as if she was fighting back a smile at his proposition. 

“Maybe,” She whispers back to him, just as quiet and tender as his own words. It’s not a yes, not in the way his frantically racing heart was hoping to hear, but it was a start. It was Sylvie’s own returning of a proposition, her own olive branch. The possibility he had given that she was extending right back to him. 

Maybe. 

Maybe.

Maybe.

Yes… Maybe they’d survive this. Maybe he and Sylvie would bring down the tyrant who oversees ‘the sacred timeline’. Maybe he’ll find Mobius again, alive and well, having turned the entirety of the TVA’s workforce against the organization they devoted their lives to, and burn it to the ground. 

Maybe Sylvie will let him stay by her side. 

Maybe, he’ll carve that new path in his life - with Sylvie’s intertwined with his.

Maybe he’ll find that new Glorious Purpose.

Maybe he won’t be alone. 

Maybe he’ll be happy. 

Maybe…

You know what? He was starting to like that word. 

[andromeda612]

Renga Fantasy AU

I've seen lost of fantasy Au's with Langa being the prince and Reki either the cute gardener, the adorable captain of the army, or any other common role that will be the prince's love interest... but what about Prince Reki?

I can see it like this:

Joe is the head of the cook and Reki's paternal figure number #1.

Cherry is the first advisor of the royal family and Reki's paternal figure #2.

Shadow is a guard and probably Reki's main bodyguard, he acts like he is annoyed by Reki's too energic and loud personality but in reality he is a big softie and has a weakness for the young and gentle prince, he is Reki's older sibling figure.

Miya is the son of a noble family, probably training for either being court sorcerer or knight, he is Reki's closest friend despite being younger, he sees Reki as his old brother and is very protective of him because in his opinion (and in everybody else's opinion for that matter) the redhead is too nice for his own good and someone needs to take care of him for god's sake! Of course he will deny it for ever and still be the tsundere he is.

Langa can be the son of a merchant and a doctor from another kingdom, after his dad dies his mother decides to go back to her home in the Kyan's kingdom (Okinawa), because of her reputation as a good doctor she gets a job in the palace as court physician. Langa stays with her at the palace and he could be either training for knight, physician or maybe sorcerer too but he hasn't decided yet, or even training for advisor under Cherry's wing. For the time being he just study with Reki.

Now in this au's Prince Langa main trouble is he feeling lonely or incomplete, Reki being the sun he is complement him and his trouble is of course his self confidence, I want to keep it that way even if Reki is the prince now.

So Langa feel not sad anymore but definitely off since his dad died, he used to love traveling with him, try new things, he loved the most all the things he could learn from the items he got to sell, he wanted to be a merchant like him but now he is not sure anymore, that's why that for now he is just studying along with the prince as he decides what he want to do with his life, he is not unhappy but he can't help but feel there is something missing, that's it until he meets the ray of sunshine that is Prince Reki, the royal is gentle and unlike other royal member he has met (due both if his parents jobs) he doesn't treat the rest with superiority, he traits everyone the same, with kindness, a warm and genuine smile, he actually doesn't act like how he was taught princes are supposed to act, he is loud and very energetic, he is polite and all, but he doesn't emanate an aura of someone to be afraid off or someone you feel intimidate with, he makes you feel like you are with a friend, he will talk and talk enthusiastically to no end... unless you show him you were bored, which was not rare to happen, with the prince being too kind and easygoing is was easy for others to forget he was the prince. But Langa could hear him for hours and never get bored, Reki showed him the palace and different places of the kingdom, he show him his drawings, all his crafts, the prince was incredible with smithy, he designed most of the best warriors' armors, as well as some of the innovative artifacts that helped so much in the kingdom, he showed him his passion for his realm and his passion for his hobbies, he was amazing... it's such a shame the prince is not capable to see it himself.

Reki for his part, he is the genius, creative sunshine we know. He is energetic and almost all the people loves him. Almost, because there is still the royal and nobles assholes that think he won't be a proper ruler because of his personality. As well as the people that get fed up with his energy. Those all are the people less liked in the kingdom. Though is really a trouble that the royal ones hold such power, because they really chose violence when it comes to Reki's self confidence. Especially because the most deep root for his insecurities comes from no other than his passed away father.

The king was... not a good man, the kingdom was not in ruins but the people were not happy, his family was not either, he would lash out to his wife and daughters, telling them they were good just to show of, to serve him, he was abusive with this staff on the palace and to his people, but who got the worst treatment was the young prince, since a child Reki was unquiet, loud, energic, totally the opposite to a centered, reserved and serious prince, he was also too kind with everyone no matter how much he told him he was above all the people, but Reki refused to be rude or mean to anyone, the only people that he lashed out to were the rude and cruel royals that abused of their power and were mean to people with no status or power. The king ruled with an iron fist and with stronger severity he tried to rise his heir, but Reki's golden heart was always stronger, however it didn't protected him from the abuse, the hard punishments and the constant reminders of how a failure he was, how he was worthless, how he was a mistake, how easy it would be for him to replace him if not were for the fact he needed a boy of royal blood to be his heir and he had no one, how annoying he was, that there was something wrong with him. And all the people that thought the same as his father had no seconds thoughts to remind him of the same in every. Single. Opportunity.

It was such a relief when the king died from a mysterious illness, and if anyone ever thought about it as a coup from the queen and the royal staff? Well nobody blamed them, but that was just a rumor and they were fine without him anyways.

Indeed, after the king's death the Kingdome went through a prosperity that haven't been seen in years. Despite what the king and his lackyes believed the Queen was actually a very well skilled ruler, she fixed the mess her former husband made and bring a new era to her people, she made new allies, she cleaned the corrupted government and brought new opportunities to the kingdom of Okinawa, the people were happy again. And her son, his ideas for artifacts to make certain tasks easier, his enthusiasm about cultural development, not mention that despite what his father said Reki was really smart, a total pride for his tutors even if his chaotic nature gave them green hairs, also his ideas to improve the army of the Kingdome, his ideas helped a lot to their realm's development. Many people called him the inventor prince.

However there were some royal asses that were not happy with him, there were invertors for that, there were artists, musicians, artisans for the cultural things, a prince shouldn't be look being so friendly and informal to commoners, shouldn't be so loud and idiot.

Not to mention the people that just... were fed up with his chit chat, and okay, they get it, Reki's personality could be overwhelming and even obnoxious to some people, but they needed to be so rude about it? The fact that must of this people were royal visitors didn´t help at all, Reki just felt he was embarrassing his mother and the Kingdome, no matter how many time she and the royal advisor Kaoru told him otherwise, or the fact that those people were usually not good allies at all.

Years of abuse and constantly hearing how a waste you were are hard to heal.

But, the love and support of the people that truly loved him helped Reki a lot, it was a long path but he was getting there. Though, the person that were really close to him, and you know who these persons are, know that sometimes the thoughts gets too loud on Reki's head, but they are there for him, and are happy to see that everyday the sunshine prince is doing better and better.

Well, and then of course the boys met and all of that, they help each other to find what was missing, to discover how much loved and worth they are.

The Queen and the court physician ship them, because this is my fucking au and I say love is love, you are who you are, no labels :)

Kaoru, Kojiro, Miya and Hiromi are definitely fondly exasperate with their mutual pining and just want them to just kiss already and spare their poor souls out of their misery.

About Ad*m... I don't know yet honestly.

In one hand I'm so tempted to make him not existing in this au. On the other hand he could be a major villain, maybe a lord wanting to make coup to the kingdome with Tadashi being a spy loyal to Queen Kyan. And I really want Langa to beat the shit out if him for messing up with his sun, but well, idk.

Any thoughts about this? Feel free to ask! 👀

[katnissmellarkkk]

Alrightttt, I’m on a roll so we’re going onto chappy five 🥳🥳🥳😎😎

I know the movies made the Capitol — re: basically only Effie and maybe Caesar — have those ridiculous made up accents but .... I actually feel like the description of the Capitol accent in the book is supposed to be like the Kardashians or Paris Hilton’s voice. 🤷🏼‍♀️

“Why do these people speak in such a high pitch? Why do their jaws barely open when they talk? Why do the ends of their sentences go up as if they're asking a question? Odd vowels, clipped words, and always a hiss on the letter s. no wonder it's impossible not to mimic them.” Like this is a pretty good description of how Kim Kardashian and her sisters talk. And Suzzy C did say she was inspired by the juxtaposition between war news footage and ridiculous reality television shows so... I think my theory of the Capitol all talking like they’re on the Real Housewives of LA is pretty valid.

Just imagine Paris Hilton as Effie and Nicole Richie as one of her preps

Lolololol this whole section of waxing is reminding me to go get my legs waxed 😭😭😭 straight up calling me out here, Suzanne

I like how Katniss says her stylist “apparently has no interest in seeing her until the prep team has addressed obvious problems.” Like you can tell from her narration she was expecting to feel the same was about Cinna that she does about Effie and her prep team.

The “gritty loam that takes off dirt and three layers of skin” is probably just a strong exfoliator 😭😭😭 my girl knows nothing about quality skincare 🤧🤧 someone build a Panem Sephora

She mentioned them waxing her underarms.... girl, did you have hairy armpits before this? Idk why this revelation is new to me

“Grease her down!” Just sounds wrong 😅😅😅😅 I need to stop being annoying omg I’m like a twelve year old

Hmm it’s funny to me that Katniss refers to Octavia as plump. You’d think in a place like the Capitol body image and weight would be very important. Unless it’s like back in the old, old days when being overweight was a sign of wealth. Which would make more sense so this was an unnecessary thought process curtesy of Samantha

Katniss faking a smile and thanking her prep team shows she does know how to play the game and fake it better than she says.

So ... okay, hear me out, I’m not trying to get over the top or make this into something it’s not but ... the whole stylists / Cinna coming into the room and staring at her naked is a little weird. Especially considering Cinna isn’t Lenny Kravitz who’s like a bit older than her but actually like a twenty-something year old dude.

But okay, here’s the thing I was getting at ... Cinna’s one of the best people in this series and you can’t deny that. Even if you find him boring, he’s still one of Katniss’ closest people. Also he’s probably gay. But like ... what about the other stylists? I don’t wanna be that person who makes everything more than it is, but like, this scene just sounds like a perfect opportunity for some Capitol creep to assault a teenager idk I’m probably making a mountain out of a molehill just ignore Samantha okay.

That’s nice that he complimented her mama though 🥰🥰🥰

So Katniss calls District Twelve the least desirable district but ... doesn’t District Eleven suck too? Like she also later says District Twelve is the smallest and the poorest but doesn’t she also say Rue is worse off than her and Prim? Make up your mind, Suz.

Cinna claims he asked for District Twelve but did he really get an option? 😅 If it’s his first year and Katniss claims the newbies get them anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️ Samantha is once again, reading too much into this.

Awww, Katniss is thinking about how long it would take for her to assemble this fancy meal at home 🤧🤧🤧 it would take her days and the Capitol just has the necessary resources at their disposal and they just takes it for granted. And yes, I’m aware this is supposed to be calling all us readers out who take so much for granted I know. We’re the Capitol.

“How would I spend the hours I now commit to combing the woods for sustenance if it were so easy to come by?” It’s honestly so sad but so vital to her character that Katniss has zero hobbies or real free time. Her life is about surviving. She doesn’t get to live or enjoy very much of her time. She dedicates everything to keeping Prim — and her mother — alive, sacrificing everything a teenage girl should be doing. Sacrificing even the things the other girls in her world get to do. She mentions the merchant girls and the Seam girls who are more experienced romantically and sexually and socially than her. Because she doesn’t get to be a kid or innocent or even happy, in order to focus on her and her family’s survival. And the things she does enjoy, like spending time with Gale or dancing with Prim (mentioned in Mockingjay) she downplays in case they’re taken away, because nothing good is secure in her eyes. 🥺🥺🥺

Okay but what did Katniss’ facial expression give away that Cinna knew exactly what she was thinking? Or is she just less emotionless than she and Haymitch both claim? Ironically I think they’re the only people who call her emotionless which can easily be chalked up to their self-hate and terrible self-esteems.

Katniss is so afraid they’re gonna make her be naked for the parade 😭. Honestly though they’re children that’s so creepy that they’re even allowed to make 15/16/17 year olds be naked in a parade. I mean I know they kill kids every year but isn’t there like child pornography laws in Panem? 😭

“You’re not afraid of fire, are you, Katniss?” Is so foreshadowing 😭😂😅😎 Caesar Flickerman’s voice “Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire!”

Honestly though Cinna is smart to make Katniss recognizable in the arena by leaving her with simple makeup. I know and the sky is blue we all know this already beating the dead horses until the farmer comes home.

“It crosses my mind that Cinna's calm and normal demeanor masks a complete madman.” It’s true though 😅😅😅😭😭 he was always a rebel. I actually think he may have asked for District Twelve after Katniss volunteered, because he saw the potential in her. Poor Peeta. Baby, I’m rooting you for even if no one else is.

Also I always found it a bit .... curious? That Peeta had a female stylist and Katniss had a male one? Not just because of the required nudity, you’d just think men would do better as a boy’s stylist and a woman would make a better girl’s stylist. So yes, my whole Cinna was interested in District Twelve because Katniss seemed like a good symbol for a rebellion idea seems very plausible.

I know I know I know I read wayyy too much into this stuff sometimes a cigarette 🚬 is just a cigarette 🚬

Katniss being relieved when Peeta shows up 😭😭😭 because even if she won’t admit it and even if she won’t let herself trust him, she still sees him unconsciously and completely against her will as a comfort because they’re in this thing together in a way, even if they’re supposed to try and kill each other

And honestly, it’s such a like... relatable feeling? To feel alone and nervous and uptight and then someone who you recognize — even if you maybe aren’t even friends with but you at least know — shows up and you just instantly feel less alone. I’m totally looking at this through shipper goggles and I’m not even ashamed you all knew who’s blogging you were reading ight? 😂🤣🤷🏼‍♀️

“He should know about fire, being a baker's son and all.” And he’s gonna learn a lot more about it when he falls in love — for real, falls in love, not a childhood infatuation — with the girl on fire. 🥰🥰🥰

But also, I love this particular line on a reread because it totally is an indicator towards their future. Like Peeta knows about fire, he’s experienced with how to handle it, and later on, he becomes the only person who truly comes to understand Katniss, who represents fire, in a way that no one else could ever imagine.

Hmmm, Katniss’ point of view here, talking about how Portia and Peeta’s team seem all giddy and air-headed and it’s only Cinna who seems reserved makes me rethink my previous imaginings of Peeta’s stylist. Maybe she’s just a Capitolite idiot and nothing like Cinna. And my baby got a raw deal here then too. Good thing Haymitch loves him more. Just kidding 😅😅😅

But also I wanna know why Cinna is hesitant to accept congratulations for his and Portia’s idea? Wasn’t he at least lowkey excited about it when he pitched it a page ago?

Their horses are coal black 🐴 😅. I like that they went the whole nine yards with the theme. Nothing but the best for the kids on Death Row.

Aww Katniss asking Peeta what he thinks about being set on fire is so sweet and pure for some reason. I just find their commodore here cute ok

“I'll rip off your cape if you'll rip off mine” this is literally their first friend type of interaction and it’s so pure y’all leave me be I’m emotional for them

🙃 Also lowkey reminds me of “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” Everyone look away ok I’m sorry

Peeta’s shady/annoyed Haymitch comment and Katniss’ joke at his expense 🤣🤣😂🤣😂😂🥲🥲☺️🥲🥲 they’re bonding it’s so presh

“And suddenly we're both laughing.” I hope they laugh a lot together post-canon 🥲🥲🥲. If they can make the other laugh during their terrible circumstances, then they can make the other laugh anywhere. 🤧 Except in Thirteen because he’s hijacked and she’s certifiable and they’re both so used and abused and 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Okay I have to say, Suzanne Collins really builds up a lot for certain events and then just like grazes over the actual action of said event? Like she builds towards the tribute parade but then kind of rushes through off the actual event itself? It’s a common theme in her writing. And I don’t like it at all ngl.

Oh wait she doesn’t actually rush the parade events the paragraph before just looked like she was about to I jumped the gun 🤣😂🤭 but what I said is still completely true for many events in these books sorry not sorry

I’m definitely reading too much into it but the fact that District One — the favorite of the Capitol — gets snow white horses and District Twelve gets coal black horsies kind of ... seems to imply something .... 🤭

Cinna just lets out a sigh of relief “it worked” like ... way to fill your tributes with hope, dude. “Yeah, you’re totally safe, don’t be scared-OH THANK GOD THAT WORKED I wasn’t actually sure you wouldn’t blow up.” But actually this answers my previous inquiry about why he seemed hesitant I guess he wasn’t even sure this wouldn’t burn them up that’s nice 🤭🙃

It’s a literal trial by fire *cue drum hit* 🥁 aww, I just cracked myself up 😭

“Then he gently tucks a hand under my chin. "Remember, heads high. Smiles. They're going to love you!" This is caught halfway between being very Capitol-y and very father-brotherly and idk which way to take it but it’s kind of cute 🤭

“For the first time, I look at him and realize that ablaze with the fake flames, he is dazzling.” This is such a significant line because Katniss isn’t saying Peeta is technically good looking (like when Haymitch said they were decently attractive) or someone else thinks he’s good looking (i.e Gale, her mother and lowkey Finnick) but she’s saying she herself thinks he’s attractive. Girl, your crush is showing.

"I think he said for us to hold hands," says Peeta.” I’m sure Cinna actually did say that but this just seems like a very good opportunity for Peeta to hold the hand of the girl he has a massive crush on. 😭😭😭

Okay Cinna gave a thumbs up so he actually was saying that but can you imagine Peeta’s excitement right now?

I mean, yeahhhh, there’s the certain death looming over him too but like live in the moment, babe. 🥰😘🤗👌🏻

I like that Katniss says the crowd is at first like 😳😳😳 before they start cheering like they’re thinking “what are these backwoods, hillbilly kids doing this year?”

“At first, I'm frozen, but then I catch sight of us on a large television screen and am floored by how breathtaking we look. In the deepening twilight, the firelight illuminates our faces” okay they both have to be pretty naturally attractive people objectively, because you illuminate my face without much makeup and no one is gonna be cheering.

“Remember, heads high. Smiles. They're going to love you! I hear Cinna's voice in my head. I lift my chin a bit higher, put on my most winning smile, and wave with my free hand.” I wonder what the true difference is for Katniss between Cinna and Effie saying this to her? Maybe it’s that Effie is just outright mean to her sometimes whereas Cinna shows her nothing but kindness from the start and expresses sympathy and understanding? It’s probably that he’s already earning her trust versus Effie who’s just cruel I’m not over her comments on the train ok

“I'm glad now I have Peeta to clutch for balance, he is so steady, solid as a rock.” Right from the start, Katniss refers to Peeta as solid and steady. Idk, I feel like this is something that the movies really misses along the way. Katniss wasn’t always strong or confident at all and Peeta, at least publicly, exuded those qualities pretty well. Samantha’s complaining again ™️ 💁🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Also this is just outright foreshadowing how Peeta will eventually become her rock. Or that he will be soon painted a rock ... pick and choose which way you wanna go with this. 🤷🏼‍♀️💁🏼‍♀️😅🤣

“As I gain confidence, I actually blow a few kisses to the crowd.” Okay, see I feel like Peeta really gives Katniss confidence in herself. If he’d been there in District Thirteen and they’d done propos together, she probably would have been a thousand times better.

But also this makes me think Katniss actually has it in her to be a charismatic, confident, alluring celebrity. She just chooses not to. 🤗🤗🤗

But this also reminds me of “She has no idea the effect she can have” okay imma move on and stop focusing on every little detail

I say that every chapter 🤧😅

“The pounding music, the cheers, the admiration work their way into my blood, and I can't suppress my excitement.” Say whatever you want, Katniss is still such a girl underneath it all. She gets excited over people liking her and cheering her on. And I know it’s because it increases her chances of getting sponsors but still

Honestly Peeta trying to showcase Katniss and let her take the spotlight is so selfless and indicative of his ultimate plan to help her win but also ... I can see how Katniss would believe it’s too good to be true and he’s messing with her. That he’s just playing the game to earn her trust, get her guard down and manipulate her later.

See, Peeta is actually framed at the start like the typical, standard YA love interest turned villain. In majority of YA books, at this point the boy is kind and sweet and helpful to the girl until she trusts him completely and then he turns on her and uses everything she gave him to destroy her. But the difference is, Katniss refuses to truly trust him and she is guessing his game incorrectly at every step. And then it’s revealed that it was never a game and he truly isn’t messing with her and everything he’s done that’s seem too good to be true and not even remotely plausible has actually been genuine and heartfelt and that, my friends, is why Peeta is above all other YA love interests. Because Everlark is actually the foil to many of the cliches. That was a long speech over some incoherent thoughts I’m so sorry if you suffered through that.

“It's not until we enter the City Circle that I realize I must have completely stopped the circulation in Peeta's hand. That's how tightly I've been holding it.” Awww he is her rock 😭🤧🥺

"No, don't let go of me," he says. The firelight flickers off his blue eyes. "Please. I might fall out of this thing." Okay this part is so cute and so blatantly setting Peeta up as her main love interest omg 😅 this isn’t the least bit subtle or disguised. But first off, the fact that Katniss is also Peeta’s stability here too 😭😭😭 and second of all, she takes time to notice his blue eyes against the firelight? She was attracted to him from the very start, y’all. That’s indisputable. 👌🏻😎🤧

“It's not really fair to present us as a team and then lock us into the arena to kill each other.” I agree with you, baby, it’s not fair at all. But you two take care of that situation nicely. Or not. Y’all do start a dang war. 🤭🤭🙃🙃

It’s rather ... ironic that it’s District Twelve’s chariot of them all that is pulled up and stopped directly in front of President Snow’s mansion. I know it’s a book, certain details like this are definitively contrived, I know get over it. 🤦🏼‍♀️💁🏼‍♀️

So uh. Snow is a small thin man? Why do I suddenly imagine Danny Devito as Snow 😅😅😅😅🤣🤣🤣🤣 y’all know he’d kill the role

“The darker it becomes, the more difficult it is to take your eyes off our flickering.” Okay, this is such a great line and it’s so significant to the rest of the series? The fact that Katniss — and Peeta, let’s not forget our boy — became symbols of the revolution. Like this line is deep if you think about it. The worse things in Panem got, the more the civilians looked towards Katniss and Peeta for hope 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰

Omg now after Songbirds and Snakes, we know the national anthem. I’m sorry, babies, that you have to endure that I’ll get you out of there 🙉🙉🙉

I feel like in part, the Capitol camera crew — Cressida, Pollux .... Pollux’s brother... is that you here???? — put so much attention on District Twelve because it would create some resentment and competition between them and the careers 🤭🤗

“I notice a lot of the other tributes are shooting us dirty looks, which confirms what I've suspected, we've literally outshone them all.” Insert Gretchen Wieners “I can’t help that I’m popular!” 😅😅😅😅😅

“I realize I'm still glued to Peeta and force my stiff fingers to open. We both massage our hands.” — they were hanging on so tight 😭😭😭😭

“Thanks for keeping hold of me.” He’s so sweet ☺️☺️☺️ I love him even if he’s kind of an idiot sometimes but so is Katniss so let’s not point fingers

“I'm sure they didn't notice anything but you. [...] And then he gives me a smile that seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness” Omg I know Katniss views this as him trying to manipulate her but the fact that he’s actually just admitting the way he’s felt for years is so 😭😭😭😭 if only you’d spit it out sooner, Bready

“he gives me a smile that seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me.” She literally has a crush on her fellow tribute and her first line of defense is to decide he out to get her for making her feel this way 🤣😭🙃

“The more likable he is, the more deadly he is.” The more my crush grows, the more deadly he becomes. I know I’m reading this with shipper goggles but guess what? I’m unashamed. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ who feels guilty for reading this book with an Everlark bias not this girl right here 🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️

“I stand on tiptoe and kiss his cheek. Right on his bruise.” Okay first off, she says cheek here but according to a chapter ago, she claimed the mark was on his jaw... so in other words, she’s incredibly short. If a medium height guy has a bruise on his jaw and she has to stand on her tip toe to reach it... well... hashtag LittleKatniss

And second off.... can you even imagine how Peeta must feel. He genuinely complimented her here, the girl he has had a crush on forever, and she responds by kissing his cheek. He was probably really happy at this moment. And also this probably played further into his buying into her false display in the arena. That here we have her clutching his hand, smiling and laughing with him and kissing his cheek. Idk what I was trying to say necessarily but I made myself sad wow way to go me 🥺🥺🥺🥺🤧🤧🤧

Anyways! Those are my very over the top and too detailed thoughts! Hope you enjoyed if you read this! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳😎😎😎😎😎😎😎🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

[genaleah]

ANSWERING WILDCARD QUESTIONS

For the first time in about a year maybe??? Some of these might be even older than that.

Yes, it is Korka! I definitely want her involved, she’s a wonderful character and there is a *lot* of fun paranormal stuff going on in this setting that she can help them research. Also, I’d just love for her and Nelson to become friends!

Thank you! I love him a lot, and it’s fun to picture him interacting with the other guys. They’d all make for some interesting uncle figures, but they might not be that great in terms of role models.

OHOHO. Devilish laugh. That’s a wonderful idea, and a good way to keep him occupied at some point. He’s a great character, but he’s incredibly powerful, and I want these dudes to solve their own problems whenever possible. 

A good question! I don’t remember most of my dreams, but there’s usually a consistent look to the vivid ones. Lots of water, mountains, creeks, and high, winding roads. There are also a lot of buildings that are closely integrated with nature, even though I have almost never seen construction like that. 

I had not, but now I have! Here’s a trailer, for anyone else that missed it:

https://youtu.be/33HXHaaagsw

I really like these new models! I’m looking forward to watching a playthrough when that’s available. Just like with Rhombus of Ruin, I don’t think I’ll be able to play this one myself.

DOUBLE FINE, I WISH TO SPEAK WITH YOU- no, I’m kidding! I think great minds think alike. But I’m really excited to learn more about that character and possibly involve them in this whole au eventually. 

I’ve actually tried to avoid almost any info about Psychonauts 2 so I can go in mostly-blind, and a lot of the characters are vague to me. It’s fun to look forward to, but it’s also a little harrowing because I don’t know how to anticipate for it!

N...NO..... I NEED TO... Honestly those are old enough that it might be a good idea for me to re-make them, as well as the playing cards I made for the mega playlist cover. I think it’d be nice to remake them as vectors... that might make for a nice art stream sometime. I’ll mention publicly if I start doing that, and sharing any of these conceptual Wildcards arts when they’re done. 

And if you’re just curious about what the tarot cards for the other characters are going to be, it’s this:

Eddie: Judgement, The Magician, The Emperor

Manny: Death, Justice, The World

Sam: The Chariot, The Tower, Strength

Max: The Devil, Wheel of Fortune, Joker

Although! I may actually give the Moon card to Max instead of the Devil, and replace the missing card from Nelson’s selection with the High Priestess?  🤔  I’ll decide when I get to it.

Could be! I’ve flip-flopped occasionally on if I want the split-a-cab gang to participate much in the story. I think they deserve a break, and splitting an apartment in New York seems like a good situation for the four of them.

Oh boy, that must be so disorienting for him. The Psychonauts deal with a lot of hippy-dippy weirdness in a seemingly organized way, but it seems like they’re not as paranoid about safety as a real federal organization would be. Not necessarily a good thing, considering one of their camp counselors went AWOL one day, and the head of the Psychonauts got kidnapped the next. They kinda need to get their act together.

Fun fact, in one of the earlier drafts of Chapter 3 I was actually going to make Nelson get scanned by the equivalent of a metal-detector for malevolent thoughts at the door and get really spooked by it, but I decided against it.

YEAH IT’S ON THE LIST

Honestly, a big bulk of the plot in this just regards characters having to face their mental health struggles... via facing it as literal internal demons, unstable powers, etc.  It’s going to take a little while for any of Eddie’s teammates to realize how MUCH he has going on under the surface because he does a pretty good job of hiding it. “Needing to help others above ever helping themselves” is a hard issue to notice if you’re not looking for it. But it’s a guarantee that once they find out he needs help, they’ll give it; whether that’s making sure he’s not working himself too hard, or fighting off demonic cultists. Care comes in many forms.

SHE NEEDS TO REST.... POOR SYBIL (on the upside, they don’t TECHNICALLY work there, so she might be fine most of the time.)

Strong Bad isn’t a Psychonaut! He’s just a vlogger and a petty (psychic) criminal. It’s honestly not very different from canon.

Free Country, USA is a smalltown hotbed of psychic activity. Nearly everyone there has some mild capacity for supernatural powers, but nobody really notices or cares. Strong Bad just pops the tops off of cold ones and.... sometimes alters reality, a tiny bit. But mostly just in regards to media. The cartoons, comics, etc, that he invents and talks about have a tendency to suddenly voip into existence and nobody knows how. I swear, there’s actually a line of him saying something to this effect, but I can’t find it anywhere.  Don’t worry about it! Nobody in town is ever going to do anything truly nefarious with their powers, so it’s not a high priority on the Psychonauts’ radar, just a weird footnote.

The only reason Homestar is an actual agent is because he seems like exactly the kind of guy to sign up for a job like that on accident and then stick with it. And he’s a talented telekinetic! None of his other friends know about his job or notice his absences.

And just for fun, here’s some weird instances of psychic overpowering that happened in the cartoon:

---

(Poor Strong Sad)

I’ve actually answered this one before! BAM  Pretty sure all of it is still accurate.

Nelson: He sees floating sheets of paper containing notes, questions, etc. Anything that he wants to know more about regarding that person. The notes are subject to edits, cross-outs, ripped pages, etc.

Guybrush: He sees the item that the person is carrying that he wants most. As he gets to know people better, he sees them for their useful skills first.

Manny: His view of most living people is not very kind...

The people he’s closest to will eventually look a lot less garish. More like a flattering, camera-ready versions of themselves.

Eddie: Sickass sketch drawings that look like they belong in the margins of a composition book. The illustrations improve as he gets a better picture of where they’d fit in the internal lore of his mental world.

Sam: A lot like Nelson; Sam pictures case files, though his are a bit more in-depth.

Max: Max’s visions of people are highly personal and uncomfortable for those who witness them. He sees Nelson as a puzzle with a piece missing. Guybrush is a ripped up voodoo doll. Manny is a forgotten ofrenda. Eddie is a powder keg with a long, lit fuse. Sam is Sam, but he’s the wrong one.

I also got two questions that were pretty big subjects, or that I didn’t want to repeat, so I’m gonna cover them pretty broadly:

REGARDING [X] CHARACTER OR SERIES INCLUDED IN THE AU

Sure, I support it! I’ve gotten this question a few times in regards to things that I haven’t had time to delve into yet, or I’m not interested in, so I’m not going to include it into the AU myself. But if you want to explore an idea like that, feel free! This AU is pretty dang collaborative.

My main focus is just on the main 6 properties: Psychonauts, Puzzle Agent, Monkey Island, Grim Fandango, Brutal Legend, and Sam & Max.

But my general rule of thumb for “characters that exist somewhere within the background of this story” are any other properties owned by Telltale, Lucasarts, or Double Fine. And considering all of the licensed games that Telltale was getting into before it kicked the bucket, that includes some really weird characters, even up to the Venture Bros. I loved that series, but I’m not really interested in doing anything with them for this story! Partly for my sanity, the canon I’ve picked are already a lot of content to play with. 

ASSORTED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE WILDCARD AU DISCORD

There’s no particular criteria needed to join the discord, and it’s not strictly on a need-to-know basis! Because it’s been a long while since anyone has joined, I've been hesitant about adding new people in... But I‘ve decided to try sending invitations again! Everyone who had asked about it in the past will be getting a ping by me in about a day or so, since I want to double-check if you’re still interested. If you’ve been nervous to ask you can reply to this post or message me privately.

Some things to keep in mind before asking or accepting the invite:

If you’re not a friend or a follower I recognize, I will likely double-check your tumblr along with some other current members before sending the invite. 

Here’s the Rules page, so you know what to expect before you join: 

Be Mindful - Respect other people's boundaries, don't do or say things that would cross the line. If your behavior makes other people feel uncomfortable or unsafe, I will remove you from the chat. In most cases I will try to resolve things with you and offer a chance to do better, but that will depend on the severity of the situation. And if you have any concerns regarding another member of the chat, you can contact me privately.

Health Boundaries - While discussions of mental health do occasionally pop up, do not rely on the chat for help. None of us are equipped to handle serious mental health concerns, and it will only cause distress for everyone. Please seek real help if it is needed! If you rely on people beyond the point that they have asked you to stop, I will remove you from the chat.

NSFW - Generally speaking, try to keep NSFW talk to a minimum. Swearing and humor is fine, but don't get too explicit please! Discussions should usually keep to a PG-13 / occasional R, but no NC-17.

Spoilers & Censorship - Please use the spoiler function to hide story spoilers, as well as discussions and graphic depictions of gore/excessive blood/body horror/severe psychological horror. Include a content warning so that people know what they could potentially be seeing when they click on the censored content. If the spoilered content is the subject of a back-and-forth discussion, please use another warning when you are switching to a different spoilered topic. (Note that these rules were added to the chat later, so be careful when using the search function or back reading.)

The canon series involved with the Wildcard AU are Psychonauts, Puzzle Agent, Monkey Island, Grim Fandango, Brutal Legend, and Sam & Max. Please be mindful of story spoilers!

Channel Organization - Also be mindful of which channel you're in and move a discussion over if need be! That way they don't get too clogged with unrelated info.

Creative Criticism - When it comes to writing, art, or character creation; try to be open to suggestions from others! Nearly all of the creative work in the chat is collaborative, so input from others is important! Creative criticism is not the same as judgement, and is not a personal attack.

Have fun! - Discussions move quickly in this chat! Don't feel bad if you ever need to step back, whether it's because of the speed or a disinterest in whatever current topic we're focusing on. If you ever want to come back, we're happy to have you and can give quick explanations if you feel out of the loop! :thumbsup:

We’re a group of approx. a half dozen to a dozen people, either posting very very quickly in a span of a few hours or barely anything for a few days. We’ve been in an activity uptick lately and there’s about a year and half of back content, too. If it’s hard to keep up on, not that interesting to read through, or you just have a hard time gelling with the group that's already there, there’s no shame in just lurking or dipping out if you need to.

We also talk a lot about Psychonauts OCs, so anticipate that.

[emilycollins00]

Allowing the heart to give in (Masumi centric)

Attention: Minor character death and spoilers from spring Act 2!

No one asked for this but I shall bring it anyway. 

-

“…I’ll be here if you need me, okay?” Izumi stands in the doorway facing the dark room with a hand on the knob. Her voice is a mere whisper, though the concern is clear.

For the first time ever Masumi doesn’t bother to answer, not even a small movement from the upper bed to let her know she had been heard. Instead, he keeps lying there, empty eyes staring at the ceiling in silence.

Izumi closes the door and looks up. It’s a bright winter day, one of the few nice ones they’ve had in a while- spring was arriving soon after all. She rests her back against the wall while hearing the faint sound of birds in the distance and closes her eyes.

She doesn't really know what to do. Or how. Or if she should.

“Anything new?”

Tsumugi, Sakyo and Azuma walk towards her. She turns and shakes her head, pained eyes glancing at the wooden door. “He won’t speak a word to me either.”

“Now that’s troubling” Azuma places a hand on his cheek, worry in his voice “I thought leaving you alone with him would help him let everything out.”

“Omi-kun says he probably hasn’t eaten anything since he left this morning either” Tsumugi stares at the carrying tray on his hands with a sad expression on his face.

“Ah, I’ll enter again and leave it on his desk. He might get up and eat some.”

Sakyo sighs, rubbing his forehead, though he sounds more resigned than annoyed “Let’s let him do what he pleases for now. If by tomorrow he still doesn’t want to come out, I’ll personally-”

The confidential atmosphere is broken when distant sounds of steps and voices begin to rise in volume in their direction. They must have seen them talking together and imagined there could be news.

“Director!”

“Sakyo-nii!”

The majority of the dorm is soon congregated on the courtyard- except for those with work and part-time jobs that couldn’t be avoided. Sakuya steps forward to Izumi, eyes filled with uneaseness. 

“How is Masumi-kun?”

“He… wants to be alone for the time being” she informs with a sad smile, gaining a chorus of concerns and worried looks.

They had decided Masumi ought to have time to grieve properly, and after talking with his father over the phone, they had also talked with the school for him to be absent the next few days. Now the entire dorm was treading lightly around him.

“B-but is it really okay to leave him in there all alone?” Muku asks, eyes irritated  from crying. Tsuzuru and Tenma stand next to him frowning in silence.

“Maybe if he had a special triangle he’ll be happier? I could bring him one!”

“Let’s let him cope some more before doing anything, okay Misumi-kun?” 

“All right…”

“Hasn’t he been there since you brought him back though?” Banri frowned, his voice edged with sullenness. To have been told the news by a random teacher rather than the dorm had been a low blow.

“It’s not even been a friggin’ day, Settsu. Haven’t you heard of havin’ tact with this type of stuff?”

“I’m going to pretend you aren’t tryin’ to tell me-”

“Guys” Izumi’s adamant tone shuts everyone up. She knows they are worried and are not thinking rationally, so after taking a deep breath to compose herself, she talks again. This time her voice is softer, less demanding “I’m sure he’ll come down when he feels better, okay?”

More grumbles and insecure looks, this time quieter.

“Come on” Azuma places his hand on both Sakuya’s and Muku’s shoulders, forcing them as well as the others to turn around and head back to the living room “Let’s make some tea for all of us to calm down.”

Watching the young ones leave, Izumi takes one deep breath again. She then grabs the tray from Tsumugi and opens the door once more, informing the young teen what she was leaving on his desk.

Before she slips out she pauses, briefly looking up -not that she could see anything from her position- and her heart squeezes. If only they could shoulder part of his pain, they would “We are here for you, Masumi-kun.”

Once again, he doesn’t respond.

Grandma passed away.

The text, short and simple had tore a gasp from Izumi’s lips that morning, making her cover her mouth and almost drop the chair. The action had been enough to gain the attention of the old yakuza, who stopped talking about numbers and frowned, worry flashing his eyes when he read the content of the message “…go to the car. I’ll grab the keys.”

Whether the road to Hanasaki high school had been surprisingly fast, or Sakyo had unconsciously decided to ignore a few stops, no one paid attention to it. By the time they reached the school, Masumi was waiting for them sitting outside, his phone on strong hold.

He barely acknowledged Izumi while Sakyo entered to talk to the administration. Soon enough, they were back inside the car. Izumi talked softly, her hand caressing his, but everything felt disorienting and confusing.

Why?

“We’re so sorry”

                                                             .

In the dark room, Masumi keeps hearing voices from outside.

He has his eyes closed now, covering his ears in a vain attempt to stop hearing his own thoughts. Every time he opens them it’s like receiving a slap in the face, seeing reality remained the same; That the funeral was tomorrow. That he couldn’t even be there in person and instead of feeling grief, instead of feeling at all, he’s just there.

He rolls on the bed.

It hadn’t been a bad one, according to his father- just your typical natural death by old age. In fact, Hatsue Usui had left this world sleeping while listening to her favorite music in the background, so Masumi should be happy for that at least.

He wasn’t.

He opens his eyes and stares blankly at the empty space beside him, random memories of him and his grandma flashing over his mind: Walks around town, shopping- even that first time she had baked a cake for his birthday.

Masumi had been angry. He was still young and wished his parents would come back from their international travels long enough to stop in and say hello. Hatsue rocked him for a while, blew his nose and after stroking lovingly his head, she began humming while mixing some ingredients. It ended up being the recipe for a chocolate cake, the only sweet he had ever fully enjoyed.

His eyelids feel heavy.

When had it been the last time he had had some of his grandma’s cooking?

                                                            .

It’s 4:37 am when Masumi realizes he had lost the battle against sleep at some point in the night. A strange vertigo seizes him and forces him to clutch the sheets until his fingers ache, trying to flee from the incessant hammering of his head. 

More memories come in waves, clinging to him and spreading the emptiness that had gripped him the whole day throughout his body.

He then realizes he was still wearing his uniform, all wrinkled by now. As he walks down the staircase from the upper floor, he also notices Tsuzuru isn’t on his bed nor anywhere inside the room, probably to leave him some space. 

Great. It’s the first time since his grandma passed away that he’s feeling something and it’s bordering on guilt. Masumi hates it. Hates everything right now.

He reaches down to put his jacket on, and as he opens the door, five pairs of eyes lay on him.

“M-masumi-kun!”

“Oh, it is Masumi!”

The boy narrows his eyes, looking around suspiciously and confused. The whole spring troupe was laying on the floor, futons and blankets covering almost all the hallway floor in front of his and Tsuzuru’s room. He even notices they had a weird set of candles and lights surrounding them as to not be in complete darkness.

“…What are you doing.”

“We are scamming the nightmares away so you can sleep!”

“Wait- you mean scaring the nightmares away, right? That just now sounded way too shady.”

“Yes! That is correct, Tsuzuru!”

“Sleep, uh” Itaru yawns from his own futon “That sounds great right now”

“Okay, you two should stop talking.”

“How are you feeling?” Chikage chimes in, ignoring the sudden bickering forming.

Purple-eyes stare back. Usually Masumi would have dodged the question and left them all there, but tonight his feet stay where he is. “I don’t know” he answers numbly.

There’s a moment of silence. He sees how their faces change to an emotion he doesn’t know how to describe, and suddenly he wants to turn back inside once more and not come back.

“Here Masumi-kun, you can- um, have this blanket if you want to sit with us?” Sakuya stands up wavering, trying to see his response. Nothing. “Citron has a thermo with some tea made by Guy-san and Omi-san left us some onigiri too if you are-”

“I’m not hungry”

Something must have gone wrong in the process of him glaring at Sakuya to keep his personal space, because instead of backing away, the spring leader takes a few steps towards him to guide him to a free futon he imagines they prepared for him. The red head places a blanket on top of him, and while Masumi jolts from the contact, he doesn’t retreat. He silently allows himself to be sat in the loose semi-circle.

No one forces him to say anything. The only sound coming from the wind and the rustle of the trees from the courtyard.

Masumi looks slightly to his left. The moonlight reflects off Chikage’s glasses, hiding his eyes. His face still as a statue, unreadable yet solemn. Next to him, Itaru’s head is lazily leaning back on the wall, eyes trained on the phone -though if Masumi paid attention, he could have seen he was basically moving from one app to another.

Tsuzuru’s groans come from in front of him. He looks like he’s about to pass out at any moment, pinching himself slightly every time he dozes off while Citron hums serenely, hair slipping from silver to orange to match the bright light of the consuming candles. Masumi can feel the ex-prince eyes resting on him from time to time.

Sakuya is the closest to him. Their shoulders bump from time to time, and his shoulder feels on fire. The boy suddenly sneezes, shaking Masumi slightly in the process.

“Want another blanket?”

“Ah, yes. Thanks, Itaru-san”

There’s a lump in Masumi’s throat, and he feels sick more than upset. More than anything, really.

“What if I hadn’t come out”

The sentence doesn’t register in Masumi’s head until it’s out of his mouth. Citron and Sakuya instantly turn to him confused while Itaru’s watches him with the kind of careful that Chikage also wears. Tsuzuru scratches his eyes, frowning confused while processing the question.

“Isn’t it obvious?”

Masumi frowns at the question thrown back by the scriptwright. No, it wasn’t. None of them even knew his grandma, why would they go through all of this?

“There was a possibility that you did" Sakuya is the one who replies before he can say anything. He’s smiling at him, his voice lingering in the air while a warm breeze hovers over them “And... we wanted to be there for you.”

Masumi doesn't like many people. Schoolmates and other people are mostly only tolerated- but right now, there’s a burst of raw emotion that makes him label them as family.

Not TV-family, of course. The ones with ‘very special episode’ problems solved in an hour or half. Real family. Family that grates your nerves yet can be relied on in a pinch because they're always there. Family that fluctuated between annoyingly childish and supportive. Family that fights and screams with you, but stays by your side and wraps you in warmth despite everything you might think of yourself. Loving you. Cherishing you.

A silent tear rolls down Masumi’s cheeks. Then another. And then some more.

His grandma had left. His pilar. His support. The only constant in his life for the last seventeen years and the only person he once thought he needed to be happy. And fuck him if he wouldn’t give up everything to see her once more.

A choked cry arises from his throat, a low keening sound filling the silence of the dorm. He closes his eyes tightly, fighting to breathe.

“Masumi?”

He quickly bows his head so that they don’t see the rest of his tears streaming down his face, and clenches his jaw as his body trembles from the effort of not making a sound. Too late. He can already feel their stares set on him.  

Sakuya hesitates, but despite the young troupe member having clearly signalled with his body language that he didn’t want to be touched, his arms lean to embrace his shivering figure.

“Sakuya, let’s let him-“

But the red-head is already pressed himself on him, holding him tighter. And somehow, Masumi doesn’t brush him off this time.

The others exchange a silent dialogue and soon enough, Masumi feels fingers running through his hair.

A hand making soothing motions on his back.

Even two pairs of hands place themselves onto his and squeeze them.

Masumi finally lets out a sob against his skin, grief setting in. Hot tears flood down his face. Once more no one says anything, they only exchange a similar look- a shared relief at finally seeing the young boy expressing his pain outloud.

They stay with him until he doesn’t have any more strength to cry. That’s all they can do. Not to try to mend the broken pieces of his heart nor to quell his cries, but to remind him that they are there. That Masumi still has them as well as the rest of Mankai to support him- and they aren’t going to leave.

His troupe is there to take care of him, so he can let go. And maybe, just maybe, that's enough for tonight.

_____________________________________________________

I don’t know where I wanted to go with this but yeah, Masumi is a soft baby that has a lot of potential but it was done dirty. I wanna hug him.

Wishing you all a wonderful day!  💕