#even my non tumblr friend enjoyed haha

[redthreadoffate]

Almost forgot to post this super fun tag game! I thought I had already posted it 😅 tagged by the ever so wonderful @daughter-rhaenyra !! Thank you!!

Guys, you won’t regret this! Silly and fun combined! Check out your cosmo persona!

The “too straightforward” and “sarcasm” and cosmic ingredients are a little not too “me” I think? But the rest are on point HAHA!

I tag: @nocturnalherb16 @trumpkinhotboy @singinprincess @tangledupblue @sluggybasson107 and I know I am forgetting people huhuhu I apologize!! But anyone who wants to join, g!!!

[sungbeam]

OFF THE RECORD ▷ PART ONE (EP1-8)

nonidol!ji changmin x fem!reader

everyone thinks changmin is cute and harmless, but you know that's not who he really is.

▷ genre, part warnings. e2l, childhood friends gone bad, (extra) slow burn, fluff, angst, mentions of childhood trauma and parental manipulation, arguing, bittersweet galore, nct ten is there for the sole purpose of being nosy like the rest of us or for being a 2nd male lead who knows!, swearing, hurt/comfort, ji changmin dancing. (need i go on), symptoms of panic/anxiety, a lot of non-tbz moments sorry i meant it when i said extra slow burn, pining haha...ha (very subtle)

▷ PART ONE WC. 18.5k

this is the third installment of the love in unity series! this can be read as a standalone, but i encourage u to read jacob and eric's storylines too! all prev and future yns will be referred to as _!yn ;) / otr part two

a/n: this was going to be a very quirky author's note, but it's not anymore bc i'm really mad at tumblr. pls enjoy :')

EPISODE ONE (PILOT): OFF THE CLOCK

"NIGHT, Yn!"

"Good night, Yn-ie."

"Make sure you get some rest, Yn-ah! Good luck with the report."

The door out of the laboratory building shuttered closed after your last coworkers and peers swept out to leave you to the white noise of the lights above your head and the cooling units. You were probably the only person crazy enough to still be chained to your lab workbench on a Friday night, especially when it was already six o'clock. Your stomach growled its complaints as you tucked a pen behind your ear with a sigh. There was probably a bag of shrimp chips in the break room snack stash, and you pushed your stool beneath the workbench to head into the break room.

Now that the laboratory was practically barren except for you, it wouldn't be a bad idea to take the reign of Kun's speaker…

The sound of your phone ringtone blared out loud from your pocket, and you scrambled to grab it with your other hand not occupied with shrimp chip crumb dust (after having washed your hands, of course). You put the call on speaker then deposited your phone onto the countertop so both hands could be used for eating. "Yo."

"You've been hanging around Mark too much," Yeri answered from the other end.

You snorted, covering your mouth for a moment, then replying, "Well good evening to you, too, my beloved. What's up?"

You could hear the muffled sounds of your friends from the other side of the phone. A car door slammed shut. "Hey-yo, is that Yn? Yn, what's up, my dude?"

"Mark, can you speak like a regular human?" That was Seungkwan. "Hi Yn-ie! We miss you, mwah!"

"Look, man. Me and Yn are homies, and this is literally just how I talk—"

The car door opened and Yeri must have taken initiative to get out of the car herself at this point. You laughed at her audible eye roll. "Okay, now that you've heard what I have to deal with, will you tell me that you're coming to the dance draft show tonight?"

Your mood soured.

It wasn't that you didn't want to go for Yeri's sanity's sake, you just didn't want to go, period. What the performing arts called a rehearsal, they referred to as a "draft" stage, where they planned rough runs of acts for the showcase. It just so happened that the dance department was holding their draft show for people to sit-in to watch tonight; their final showcase would be held on the Friday night of finals week, which was only in a few weeks now.

(Why did they call it a "draft" stage instead of simply a "rehearsal"? Well, you had no clue, and you didn't have any plans to ask anyone who would know the answer.)

When you didn't immediately answer, you heard Yeri's grumble. "Don't nerd out on me, Miss Yn Ln."

You gasped. "Nerd out on you? I'm being responsible—"

"You're being a workaholic!"

You pursed your lips together and quickly rinsed your fingers of shrimp chip crumbs. "Fair. But I'm sorry, I'm not going."

A brief pause. Then, the sigh. "Okay. That's okay," she said. "Wanna meet us for dinner afterwards at least?"

Your stomach grumbled, right on cue. It wasn't loud enough for Yeri to hear on the other end, but the timing made you laugh to yourself. "Definitely."

There was a smile in your friend's voice. "Cool! I'll text you details once we figure out what's happening. In the mean—" her voice was interrupted by the sound of muffled yelling on the other side, and Yeri pulled her mouth away from the phone so she could screech at Seungkwan, Mark, and now, Kim Jungwoo, to be quiet and put their seatbelts on. You heard vaguely about Jungwoo being late for his call time, and you were not at all surprised. She returned to the phone with a grumble. "You're really leaving me with the kids, Yn?"

You giggled. "Sorry, Yeri. I'll pay for your dinner."

"Deal. See you soon, babe."

"See ya, love!"

When the phone call ended, you realized just how thick the silence fell around you. It settled like a blanket over your senses, and it all became a bit overwhelming, especially after such a loud phone call.

You sighed, putting the shrimp chips back in the snack stash. You might as well go find where Kun hid his speaker to fill the silence then.

— ✶

People were yelling. And tripping. And crying.

In retrospect, this constituted as a normal backstage environment for something like a finals showcase draft rehearsal. It was hardly even a rehearsal, but more so a sneak peek showcase. There were people in the audience, after all.

Ji Changmin would know. This would be his third winter draft show out of his three years here in university. There were always showcases at the end of each quarter, but the winter show wielded the title of most anticipated. With the cold and rainy weather keeping most people indoors, it allowed for a larger crowd to come flocking toward said indoor modes of entertainment. Thus, the winter showcase and all of its hype.

Changmin lingered in his little corner of the backstage area, calmly stretching out his lanky limbs while chaos erupted all around him. He had two acts this time around—a duet with Lee Juyeon, as well as a solo performance. It had been enough to keep him busy for the quarter, among his other classes.

"—Jungwoo, you're late!"

He raised his head at the sound of Lee Minho’s voice from across the room, the dirty blond sending a deadpanned glare at the man in question. Kim Jungwoo’s eyes were wide with doe-like innocence as he made his way toward his friend, his posse following behind and taking in the chaos with amused awe. Changmin could easily recognize those present—Kim Yeri, Mark Lee, and Boo Seungkwan.

He turned his head away; it wasn’t his business, and he had much bigger things to worry about.

He raised his hands to his neck to put his headphones over his ears, but paused when he caught a few more echoes of their conversation.

“ — sorry Minho, but you know I can’t resist getting a free carpool ride,” Jungwoo said while setting his duffle bag in the corner and swiftly joining Minho in stretches. If Changmin was a hard ass when it came to dance and schedules, Minho was much worse. But Changmin respected him a lot, especially in a craft like dance and performance—he saw him as an equal.

A sigh from Minho. “Yeah, yeah. Poor Yeri.”

Yeri huffed, her hands shooting up into the air. “Thank you!”

Minho folded his arms over his chest as he stood up straight to stand next to Yeri as the two of them absentmindedly watched Jungwoo fold himself in two to stretch his long legs out. “Huh, no Yn tonight?”

Changmin didn’t know why he was still listening. He slowly lowered his headphones back to their position around his neck, then resumed stretching out his hamstrings. He could wait a couple more minutes before getting into his choreography…

“You know you’re not gonna see her anywhere near this place,” Yeri said with a pointed look. Changmin held back a retort, or even a snort. “Wanna get dinner with us tonight? She’s coming to meet us after the show.”

“Ah, I’d love to, but I promised Jisung I’d swing by the studio afterwards. Hey, have you met Ten yet? You should ask…”

Changmin decided that this was an appropriate moment to tune out. He swiftly donned his headphones and reached for his phone hidden in the pile of his duffle bag and jackets in the corner. He didn’t even know why he listened in when your friends brought you up. Why were you even still connected to the dance and performing arts department people anyway? He huffed, rolling his eyes with a small shake of his head. It wasn’t like you wanted to be connected to dance anyway. So why give him a constant reminder of your existence and the past you shared—

“Changminnie!” Juyeon appeared in front of him, waving to him with that goofy smile to get his attention.

Changmin broke into a smile as he shifted one side of his headphones from his ear. “Hey. Wanna go over some of the routine?”

Juyeon nodded. “Yeah, I’m ready. I was trying to get your attention, but I think you were just occupied.”

Whoops. Changmin flicked his wrist as he followed Juyeon down the hallway to a more private place to practice with his friend. “Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking of something.”

“Oh, okay,” Juyeon ducked his head into an empty dressing room in the back hallway, beckoning Changmin to follow him in. “Nothing to worry about though? You can talk to me; no judgment.”

Changmin chuckled and closed the door behind him. “Nah, nothing important. Let’s just focus on the performance.” Anything involving you? Definitely not important anymore.

— ✶

Late February brought the cold, bitter winds of night to the university, so the trek all the way across campus from the laboratory buildings to the performing arts hall was a hellish one. You kept your head tucked into the puffy collar of your puffer jacket, hands stuffed into your pockets, a happy tune blasting in your ears to keep you going all the way up the road. It was around nine o’clock by the time you made it to the front of the performing arts hall, and you could already see the sea of people meandering outside its doors post-draft show.

You shivered and pulled your phone out from your pocket to see where your friends were waiting for you.

“Yn-ie!”

Your head lifted and you grinned, waving your hand at Seungkwan who was making his way over to you. “Hi Kwannie,” you greeted and wrapped your arms around him in a warm embrace.

When you’d pulled away, Seungkwan made a face as he shuddered. “Jesus, it’s cold. I should have brought a scarf or something. Did you walk here?”

You began to nod, but he tsked. “Aish, Yn. You should’ve called! No one should have to walk in this torturous cold.”

You laughed. “It’s no big deal. We’re about to go get some hot food, so it’s cool.”

“We might have to wait for a little longer.” Both you and Seungkwan turned toward Yeri, Mark, and Jungwoo who were walking over. Jungwoo had a sweatband holding his bangs out of his face and his duffle slung over his shoulder. He had his jacket draped over his arm; he was probably warm from the showcase. “We’re waiting on Ten to finish up.”

“Hi Jungwoo,” you greeted him, and the man returned the expression with a side hug. You furrowed your brows. “Who’s Ten?’’

Mark replied with a sniffle from the cold, “Oh, he’s a new exchange student! Well, he was originally admitted here, but he went abroad for a year. He's with the NCT frat. Super cool, super funny. He’s great at dance though.”

“I think you’ll vibe with him, Yn,” Yeri chimed in. “He’s asking a couple people for their opinion on a few parts of his routine, so I think he’ll be out soon.”

You nodded in understanding. You didn’t mind waiting, but you hoped what Yeri said about him was true. Hopefully you did get along with him, because you were honestly far too tired to forcefully play nice. You were hoping for a chill night anyway. Then again, as long as you could avoid a certain someone tonight, this would turn out to be a chill night in general.

You and your friends chatted for a few minutes only before Jungwoo caught someone’s eyes from behind you, Yeri, and Mark. He brightened. “Ten! Ten, over here!”

You all swiveled.

Ten was just as lean and lithe as Jungwoo was, but with black bangs, a pair of round spectacles hanging from the collar of his white T-shirt, and a cute smile on his face. You and he made brief eye contact before Jungwoo was hopping on the balls of his feet to greet him.

Jungwoo slung an arm around Ten’s shoulders as he brought him over to the group. “Yn, this is Ten Lee. Ten, this is Yn-ie—the friend we mentioned earlier.”

Your eyes widened slightly. “Why was I mentioned?” You laughed nervously.

Ten flashed you a boyish kind of smile. “Oh, it was nothing; don’t worry. It’s nice to meet you though.”

Your heart didn't slow at his assurance. “Ah, okay then. Uh, nice to meet you, too!”

“Did you get your routine settled?” Seungkwan asked as the lot of you began to move in one, loose blob toward Yeri’s car. (How all of you would manage to fit, that was something you mentally were trying to figure out. In Yeri’s tiny sedan, you might have to squish four people into the back seat.)

Ten nodded enthusiastically. “Yup, it’s all sorted. Minho and Changmin were really helpful with their comments.”

You felt the people around you freeze at the mention of Changmin’s name. You stiffened as well, but tried to force the strange feeling to go away. Your friends knew the drill, too, but you saw the way they glanced at you from their periphery.

Ten was smart, you realized, when his head tilted at all of your reactions.

Time for damage control. “That’s—that’s good!” Mark’s voice cracked and coughed to clear it. “I mean, Minho’s always been really attentive to details and stuff. I think he was almost recruited to become an idol or something like that…”

Ten pursed his lips, as if silently saying, ‘I’m not buying this bull’. You decided to just… do it. “Changmin’s a great dancer, too,” you said, and everyone shot disbelieving glances your way, but you could already see how Ten was grasping onto everything you were saying. You forced a neutral tone into the way you spoke, forced yourself not to let the bitterness seep through. No one deserved to fall victim to the feelings that were only meant for one Ji Changmin. “I’m glad he helped you out. He’s really good at sharp movements and isolations.”

“Oh, do you dance, Yn?” Ten piped up with a twinkle in his eyes.

“Ruh roh,” you heard Seungkwan murmur, and he shuffled away from you to go to the other side of Yeri’s car.

Maybe you purposefully let him see right through you. “Not really. It was a long time ago.”

You and Ten held eye contact, the silent tension like communication passed between the two of you—this was personal, but Ten could figure out that there was more to the story. It was odd though; the way he didn’t fear prodding just a little bit. You didn’t know why you were letting yourself feed him more bait, but Yeri was hollering for the two of you to squeeze into the backseat, and you snapped out of it.

Weird…

Ten held the backseat door open for you. “Looking forward to getting to know you, Yn,” he said pleasantly.

Your eyes narrowed slightly as you slipped into the backseat. “Same to you…”

EPISODE TWO: OFF THE TABLE

YOUR curiosity won you out.

In fact, it won you over so much that you agreed to get coffee with Ten Saturday afternoon—with Mark and Yeri, of course. The four of you had coordinated stopping by one of the coffee shops in the shopping mall just down the hill from the university to hang out and destress a little from the incoming second wave of STEM midterms. Well, you needed to destress. Mark was in communications, Yeri in psychology, and Ten was… what was Ten’s major again?

“Foreign affairs,” he answered before lifting the straw of his iced americano to his lips. “Lots of foreign language classes and politics and history. Politics and capitalism classes are not my favorite, but all the cultural courses on campus are really great.”

You bobbed your head, propping your chin onto your palm. You sat across from him at one of high tables in the cafe; Mark and Yeri’s stools were barren, save for the belongings they left for you and Ten to watch, while they literally sprinted across the mall to the grocery store because they forgot they were supposed to bring booze to the NCT-RVE joint alumni homecoming tonight. You probably weren’t going to go just because social energy came in short supply these days, but you promised to send a card for your friends in RVE.

“I can imagine,” you commented. “I took a really neat course on African tribes and culture in freshman year, and I miss my professor a lot. I sometimes wonder what would have happened had I joined his study abroad program in Ghana instead of staying here.”

Ten’s head did the tilt thing again, the one you recognized from last night as something he did when he was intrigued. “That does sound really cool. What made you stay?”

Where do I even begin? “My major,” you replied simply. It wasn’t really a lie—not entirely a lie. You sipped on your latte, a faraway look in your eyes. “I was so set on a plan that I guess I got nervous about the unknown should I have gone on that trip.”

“Mm, I understand.” He had taken on a softer look now, something more akin to empathy. “It is a little scary, but while I was in Indonesia, I realized I wouldn’t have traded such an experience for anything else."

You set your cup down. "Have you always wanted to dabble in global affairs?"

"Uh, I'm not sure," he said, head tilted upward with a scrunch in his nose. He nudged his glasses up the smooth slope of his sculpted nose. "I was kind of put in a situation where I had to learn a lot of new languages, and I luckily turned out to be pretty good at picking up on them."

"Wow, that's really cool," you chuckled. A talent you definitely envied. And it seemed like Ten had made the decision to pursue this future of his on his own. You wished you could say the same.

From the counter of the café, you heard one of the workers call out your order number for cinnamon rolls, fresh from the oven.

You began to slip off your stool, and Ten spoke up, "Oh, I can totally go get those."

"It's no problem," you chirped, "I'm already down anyway." You were swift to scurry over to the counter and pick up your table's tray of cinnamon rolls with a smile at the worker in deep gratitude. The thick, warm sweetness wafted into your nose, and you inhaled the delights with a blissful grin.

However, as you turned to head back to the table, you halted abruptly, nearly knocking the plates on the tray into each other.

There, standing next to your table and chatting with Ten, were Ji Changmin and Choi Chanhee.

Great.

The sweet dessert smell soured and tasted like acid on your tongue. Bitter, like the taste of hot coffee straight from the pot. You schooled your face into neutrality, but there was no way all of the uncomfortableness could stay away.

You made your way over; the tray was getting heavy.

"—actually here with Yn, Mark, and Yeri—" Ten was pointing your way and you had to control your urge to hide.

Changmin and Chanhee's heads turned in sync, but only Changmin's eyes narrowed at the sight of you. You returned the expression wholeheartedly.

Chanhee held his breath, muttering a "Yikes" under his breath, while Ten observed the interaction with slightly parted lips. Huh.

"Ji."

"Ln."

You deposited the tray onto the table and your biceps sighed in relief. Those four cinnamon rolls truly were quite hefty on their own.

You could still feel Changmin’s eyes on you as you slid onto the stool across from Ten. “Something you’d like to say to me?” You addressed him with ill-suppressed snark.

Changmin’s eyes narrowed. “Nothing that you’ll take into importance anyway. Just didn’t think you would ever hang out with someone from the dance department.”

“Ten’s got a life outside of dance, Changmin,” you replied. You flashed him a thin-lipped smile. “He gets it.”

“And you’re so much better than me for having a so-called life,” he rolled his eyes. “You know, some people are just really passionate about dance—something you seem to still not understand.”

“I really don’t think you want me to bring up the trove of things you don’t understand—”

Chanhee subtly moved over to Ten’s side as the two of them observed the sparring match between you and Changmin. A sigh fell from his lips, and his eyebrows raised up all the way to his pink-dyed hairline.

Ten had taken one of the plates of cinnamon buns in front of him, silently offering Chanhee some. The latter refused, and Ten began to peel away one of the sultry, sweet dough layers. “Is this… normal?” He asked Chanhee under his breath, motioning to the still-bickering couple across from them.

Chanhee snorted. “It’s their mating call.”

It seemed he had said those four words loud enough to catch yours and Changmin’s attention. A miracle, indeed.

“Ew,” both you and Changmin immediately grimaced at Chanhee. Then you looked at one another with a greater degree of disgust. “Stop copying me!”

…Or, less so a miracle, but rather, a tragedy.

Chanhee let out a haggard sigh, eyes sullen to a deadpan. “One of the few things the two of you will ever agree on.”

“The last thing we’ll ever agree on,” Changmin grumbled as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “C’mon Chanhee. We should probably order before JC!Yn and Kei finish loading up the car.”

Changmin was already making his way over to the cashier when Ten managed to get in a final question, “Are you guys coming to the NCT-RVE homecoming tonight?”

“Sure—”

“No.”

Chanhee sent Ten an apologetic look for Changmin’s brusque answer. “Sorry about him. We were thinking of it, but he might be practicing with Juyeon tonight. See you later, Ten—and Yn!” He chased after Changmin, ambushing his friend by practically leaping onto his back and then smacking his shoulder.

Now that Changmin was away from you, the red in your vision had begun to clear away, and you finally remembered the set of delicious cinnamon rolls waiting for you.

Ten propped his cheek against his fist. “So… you and Changmin…”

You made a sour face as you cut off a slice of your cinnamon roll. “What about the gremlin?” You asked. As soon as the buttery, sweet delight hit your tongue, you felt your body lighten and you did a little happy dance in your seat.

Ten chuckled at your behavior. “Lovers gone wrong?”

You choked on the bite.

Your new friend’s eyes widened comically to the size of saucers as he literally pounced across the table to pat your back. “Shit—sorry, Yn. I probably should’ve waited for you to finish swallowing, huh?” He winced when you’d managed to breathe correctly and washed the bite of food down with a sip of coffee. He returned to his perch, letting you recover while he talked through his thoughts. “I don’t mean to pry—actually—” he paused, reconsidering, “—I do mean to pry. Sorry, I’m kind of a sucker for this kind of stuff.”

One of your eyes squinted at him as you massaged your throat. “Yeah, I kind of figured.”

He beamed at you boyishly, the kind of expression that almost had your defenses slipping. Almost. Ten was one slippery fellow. For some reason, you kind of respected him for being upfront about the nosiness, and if you were being honest, if this drama wasn’t yours, you would also be curious about the whole thing.

“Can’t help myself sometimes,” he confessed with a mere shrug. “You don’t owe an explanation or backstory, of course.”

You sucked in a breath, opting to hold back on eating your pastry until you and Ten were done with this topic. “I’m just going to say that Changmin and I were not ‘lovers gone wrong’,” you said, body shuddering.

“Mm,” he hummed. His eyes wandered behind you and over your head, swiftly followed by the action of waving to Changmin and Chanhee on their way out of the cafe. “It’s just interesting to me. Didn’t you just advocate for him the other night at the draft show?”

That rang a bell, unfortunately. “It’s complicated.”

Ten pressed his mouth into a saccharine smile. “I can imagine.”

EPISODE THREE: OFF THE PHONE

THERE was an avid knocking at the laboratory door, usually done by those who didn’t actually work at this specific lab. This lab area was usually reserved for upperclassmen and graduate students and their work.

“Yn-ie, could you get the door, please?” You heard Kun called out to you from his office. It wasn’t just the two of you tonight, but rather, just a few others you didn’t know as well as you did Kun. He often worked late hours like you did, always overworking himself even more as a fresh grad student. You, on the other hand, were trying to finish up this one research paper resulting from last quarter’s research project. If you were lucky, you would be able to send it off to be peer reviewed soon.

You slipped out from behind your workbench and maneuvered the maze of workbenches to head out into the corridor. Exhaustion wore at your bones from having such a long day, but you really did need to get some productive work done so you could focus specifically on your midterms approaching at the end of this week and the beginning of the following week.

However, as you turned the corner into the corridor, you nearly missed your footing. At the end of the hallway where the glass door to the outside was, you found yourself identifying one Ji Changmin and his friend, someone you didn’t recognize. The latter wore a gray hoodie beneath a black puffer vest, and he reacted the opposite to how Changmin did when they caught sight of you.

“Hey! Could you open the door, please?” Not-Changmin hollered through the glass, furiously shaking his sweater-pawed hand down at the door handle.

You didn’t want to. God, you really didn’t want to.

Changmin stared you down, as if daring you to come closer.

You opened the door, and let the cool gust of late February air and two outsiders into the safety and warmth of the laboratory building.

Hoodie Guy shuddered violently to get the cold out of his system. “Jesus, it’s cold outside. Thanks,” he said to you. Then he nudged Changmin with his elbow, as if jolting the man into reality.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, words directed toward Changmin in particular.

His dark bangs were tucked beneath a black beanie with his pair of black headphones hanging around his neck. “You think I want to be here?”

His friend sent him a look, his eyes flickering between you and Changmin furiously until the pieces clicked into his mind. “Well, uh oh…” he muttered while turning away slightly to scratch his head. He gathered his wits then. “Uh, Yn, right?”

You perked up. “Yes.”

“Uh,” he drawled. “We’re actually here for Jacob Bae. You see, we told him we’d come pick him up to take him over to—”

“Is he here?” Changmin asked.

Your eyebrow shot upward. At least they were here for a proper reason. You crossed your arms over your chest, glancing back toward the main laboratory floor way down the hall. Man, the safe zone felt so far away. “He actually just left like, ten minutes ago. Sorry.” The apology was said to Changmin’s friend, the one who seemed to have been able to figure out who exactly you were to Changmin. Not that you were anything to him. And did Changmin just talk about you to all his friends or something—?

“Oh.”

Changmin tapped his friend with the back of his hand. “C’mon Sunwoo. We’ll just meet him over there.”

Sunwoo wrinkled his nose. “I just think it’s weird that he didn’t text us to let us know before we came over here.”

There was a pause and you could practically see the gears in Changmin’s head turning. You would have left them to their own company, but you technically weren’t allowed to leave unauthorized students alone.

It was strange seeing Changmin break into something akin to sheepishness. You saw the dimples appear in the apples of his cheeks as he cupped the back of his neck. “I might not have told him we were coming…”

Sunwoo’s eyes and mouth widened and he whacked his friend with the length of his hoodie sleeve. Changmin let out one of those hyena laughs that set off triggers in your mind. It’d been awhile since you heard that… “Hyung! You’re so unreliable sometimes, oh my god. Even Eric would have remembered to tell him!”

Changmin made a noise of dismissal, slinging an arm around his friend. “Ah, it’s fine. We’ll just meet him there—as you said.”

“Worst texter award goes to,” Sunwoo rolled his eyes.

“I guess some things never change.” The words slipped out of your mouth before you could stop yourself, and both Sunwoo and Changmin suddenly remembered that you were in the hallway with them. Sunwoo had perked up as if he were surprised you would even comment on their situation, but Changmin cut an unreadable expression your way. You didn’t want to read into it.

“You literally forgot to answer a text I sent for three days,” Changmin quipped.

Well, if he was going to play the back and forth game. “That was once out of how many other times,” you scoffed. “You refused to answer anyone’s texts in the mornings anyway, so don't get on my case about that.”

“He did that to you, too?!” Sunwoo cut in with fire behind his words.

You could’ve sworn you saw the slightest bit of blush grace Changmin’s cheekbones as you hid a laugh behind your hand. “He did that to everyone—”

“Hey, I’m better over call; you know that!” Changmin argued. “Sunwoo, you can’t even talk about being a bad texter. I have to hunt for you on discord sometimes to get a straight answer.”

Sunwoo groaned, “Yah! Whatever. It’s still better than your average three-business-day reply speed.”

Changmin stammered, “It is not an average of three business days.” If your ears were not deceiving you, Ji Changmin was whining. “It’s a couple hours at least.”

“A couple hours means half a day,” you said to Sunwoo.

Changmin whipped his attention back to you, finger jabbed accusingly in your direction. “Hey, missy! You always fell asleep on-call, even when you promised that you would stay up to help me study.”

You shook your head. “Not my fault! You know that I always fell asleep around midnight back then.”

“Well, back then—”

“Is everything okay out here?”

Everything in the corridor came to a stand still, and Changmin closed his mouth, mid-sentence. Kun had his head poking out of the door to the main floor, a crease pressed between his brows and right above the rim of his thin spectacles. He eyed the two non-laboratory students with a slight grimace. Of course, Kun was aware of who Changmin was. He could recognize him because of his famed performer reputation on campus, but he knew his history with you because you had spent far too many late nights here at the lab with things plaguing your mind. You and Kun both had a problem with trouble sleeping and being workaholics.

You turned slightly to Kun. “Yeah, everything’s okay, Kun-ge.”

He sent you an unimpressed look.

“We,” Changmin piped up as he urged Sunwoo to the door, “were just leaving.” The mirth and fire from the bickering just a few seconds ago had faded, and you could feel him slipping away.

Kun drummed his fingers along the doorframe, eyebrows shooting up for a second. “Oh-kay… Yn-ie, Ten says he’s right around the corner and asks if you want some company walking home.”

The door to the laboratory behind you was held open, and the night breeze brushed through your hair. When you looked back, you saw that Changmin had stalled in the door for a second. But, it had only been that second before he and his friend were gone.

“Oh.” You made your way over to Kun. “That’s really cool of him. I’d love that.” Some company on a late-night walk back to your apartment did not sound bad at all. You’d done plenty of trips on your own, but sometimes having even one person with you would have been nice.

Kun nodded, pursing his lips, as the two of you walked into the main lab together and toward his office off to the side. “Okay, I’ll let him know. You’re for sure okay though? That must have been… not nice, seeing Changmin here.”

You gave a stiff shrug, your hip leaning against the door of his office while Kun settled back at his desk. “It’s fine,” you said. To be honest, you weren’t even sure if that was a lie or not. You’d heard Changmin laugh for the first time in years. You’d seen the dimples in his cheeks, the sheepishness in his expression—you swallowed.

Once upon a time, you associated all of those things with something like happiness. Your happiness.

Kun fixed you with a pointed look. “If you need to talk.”

You gave a firm nod. “I know where to find you.”

He clicked his tongue, shooting you a finger gun, then shooed you off to finish your work and pack your things. Ten was just around the corner, after all.

EPISODE FOUR: OFF THE RECORD

CHANGMIN liked to think that he became nosy, and that he wasn't born this way. But ever since he overheard that Kun guy asking about Ten wanting to walk you home, he couldn't help but wonder…

He shook his head, brushing his hair out of his eyes and off his forehead, before those same bangs flopped back into their place. He walked back onto the main stage of the performing arts hall to the soundtrack of a hype playlist blasting from the ears of his headphones. As he made his way past groups and individuals doing their own thing, he absentmindedly searched for one person in particular.

Conveniently, he found Ten setting himself up right by Changmin's things. He was shouldering off his black puffer jacket, rolling the material up into a manageable ball to shove into his duffle bag.

"Hey," Changmin greeted, bending down slightly to grab his water bottle.

Ten straightened and flashed him a smile. "Hey."

It wouldn't be awkward would it? Probably not. Just be cool about it, Changmin. He smiled slightly, the dimples in his cheeks disarming his acquaintance. "I didn't know you and Yn were close."

Your name felt so… foreign, yet familiar, on his tongue. It was like tasting déjà vu, like eating a treat from childhood that had been associated with good feelings, but he couldn't decide if it was still as good as he remembered or a trick of his mind.

The mention of your name brought a jolt of energy to Ten's body and Changmin saw the man lean into the conversation. Curious… "Oh? Well, I mean—" he gave a shrug, "—she's really cool. She just seems like a good person to get to know, y'know? Why do you ask?"

Changmin couldn't tell how much he trusted the slight narrowing of Ten's feline eyes. There was no way you hadn't mentioned him to Ten at some point or another. To be honest, he didn't like the feeling of you still lingering in his head if he didn't linger in yours. It meant a myriad of things that he loathed to admit.

He let the feeling slide away, let his mouth tilt upward like his eyes to the spotlights in the ceiling. "Just be…" He shook his head. "Nothing. It's nothing." He flicked his wrist, as he spun his water bottle cap on tight. "You can forget about it."

Ten sent him a look that Changmin pointedly ignored.

Somewhere within the depths of the performing arts center, Changmin could hear the howling laughter of his friend Hyunjae as he most likely bugged his best friend out of her mind, both to her chagrin and her delight. That was another can of worms entirely.

Ten piped up as he settled onto the backstage floor while Changmin mentally went through some of the problem sets he had to review today. "If you don't mind me asking, why are you and Yn on such… uneven ground with each other?"

There it was. Changmin snorted. "Uneven ground? I don't even know if we're on the same ground."

"You're both really friendly people," Ten added, "so it just doesn't make sense to me."

Changmin pursed his lips. He never felt the need to divulge this stuff to anyone but his friends, but he didn't know what Ten already knew. He didn't know what you told him, but based on the fact that Ten wasn't looking at him the same way you did… Changmin scratched the back of his head and leaned his side against the wall to face him. "Something happened a long time ago. I guess we just both hold a grudge well."

Ten huffed a laugh in response. "Remind me never to get on your bad side then," he joked.

— ✶

There was a buzz about the university newspaper room. The Daily had only a handful of crew members onboard, mainly because it was so selective. Over the past few years that you had been apart of the staff, you and a few others had gradually loosened the reputation of the Daily's elitist interview process—there was still some level of intimidation that ensured the publication took on the hard workers and not those simply looking for an extracurricular to put on their resume though.

So when there was talk of a new staff member, everyone knew about it.

You let yourself in the door with a sigh, brushing the hair from your eyes held up with a random, blue claw clip you found on your bathroom sink. The bus had been late this morning because it broke down, but you luckily were able to make it to your lecture on time. You had run over here for a quick meeting that Kim Doyoung had summoned you for, no doubt about the new hire.

"Hey guys," you said as you passed by clusters of desks piled with copyedits and heads buried in monitor screens. The sounds of typing stopped briefly with each head you walked past:

"Yn!"

"Hi Yn!"

"Sup Yn—HEY! I just did my hair this morning!" Mark yelped, hands smoothing down the braids in his hair.

You giggled as you patted his head. "Your hair needs a break, Mark."

As you disappeared around the corner, you heard him shout back, "So do you, but you never hear me complaining!"

You rolled your eyes with an ill-concealed smile. The door to Doyoung's little editor in chief office was right down the hall next to the office for the sponsoring professor. As much as you and the others teased him about getting the "Boss man" office, he always complained to you about being on edge with the professor's office next door. You didn't quite understand since Professor Woo was almost never in his office anyway, but you supposed you could see.

Doyoung's door was open, and the fourth year's head perked up at the sound of your voice and nearing footsteps. He didn't even wait for you to knock or say hi, before beckoning you inside. "Yn, thank god you know how to hustle. Close the door on your way in. Thanks."

Your eyebrows shot up at the terseness in his tone, but didn't question him until you'd closed the door and settled into the chair opposite him. His desk, much like those outside, was covered in a sea of paper, with his laptop being the only land in sight. "What's up? You sound stressed."

He shot you a look over the rims of his thin glasses. "When am I not stressed?"

"Valid."

"Okay," he began with a sigh that made your concern rise just a bit more, "you know the situation with our performing arts review section, right?"

You nodded. "Of course."

The situation with the performing arts review section of the paper was inherently a mess. For a handful of years, the performing arts section was written under a pseudonym (lovingly dubbed Opera Glasses)—the identity of the reviewer was anonymous—which was a product of an incident a few years ago where a performer was unhappy with a review left by someone on the paper and came to ask, very unkindly, for a rewrite. Since then, the paper had been swallowed up by so much that finding a permanent writer or reviewer for the section became less and less of a priority.

When you joined the publishing team, it had been in the middle of freshman year when you were also putting your application out for research projects. Joining had felt like the right thing to do, as much as it was an act of rebellion against your mother and your childhood. They had asked if you knew anything about dance of all things.

And well, you did know.

You'd written one piece—one piece that was entirely you. It had been for one of the dancers just debuting at his first winter showcase. Since then, you couldn't stomach writing another one or watching another one.

You ghost wrote, you edited, you advised—but you stuck to putting your energy into covering the STEM-related sections of the paper now.

So Doyoung already knew your relationship with the performing arts review section. "Well," he cleared his throat, making a vague flourish with his hand, "I'm sure you already know that I just interviewed a new prospective recruit. I was wondering if you would be willing to take them under your wing and to show them the ropes."

Oh. That wasn't exactly what you expected him to say. Your heart kicked up for an entirely new reason, however. You'd always wanted to be someone's mentor. To be someone's older sister. "I mean, yeah. I'd love to," you stammered, a smile slowly curling onto your lips. "That would be really cool."

Doyoung sighed, his shoulders sinking in relief. "Thank you."

"But wait." You cocked your head to the side as you asked, "What does Opera Glasses have to do with this?"

"I want her to eventually take over for it," he explained. "She knows quite a bit about theater and music—little less about dance, though. I know that you have your issues with the dance department, but out of everyone here, you probably understand dance stuff the most. I just ask that you help her out a little with that, and maybe even introduce her to some of the people there so we can ease her in with interviews—"

You opened your mouth to interrupt him, but he sent you a pointed look. He continued, "Just hear me out, okay? If you're uncomfortable at all, you can back out. And you don't even have to back out right now or completely; maybe you could have Mark introduce her to Jungwoo for interviews, and you can just stick to the behind-the-scenes stuff."

Doyoung exhaled. "Okay, so what are your thoughts?"

You worried your bottom lip between your teeth. What did you think… What did you think?

Even the thought of stepping foot into a practice room made the yelling and screams echo in the caverns of your mind. But you'd missed them—missed the polished wood floors, the floor-to-ceiling mirrors, the people. God, you couldn't even stay away from the people if you tried, no matter how much you tried convincing yourself you could.

You weren't fooling anyone.

You swallowed. You'd always wanted to be a big sister.

What was the harm in giving this a try?

(Changmin. You'd probably run into Changmin a lot more often than if you didn't accept. But you could see him from that one night: the sheepishness, the dimples, the laugh. Why couldn't you get over that interaction?)

You mustered up your courage and straightened in your seat. "I'll still do it. When do we start?"

EPISODE FIVE: OFF THE MARK

IT turned out that Doyoung intended for you and your new recruit, Bae Sumin, to get started right away. With the winter showcase only a couple weeks away, it was imperative that the two of you dived right in.

"—so what made you interested in joining the team?" You asked, shoving your hands into your jacket pockets to hide signs of nervousness from your underclassman peer. The two of you were walking from the Daily's newsroom and over to the performing arts center. It was about a ten minute walk, but you figured that it would give you two the opportunity to get to know one another.

Sumin was a multimedia major, as you had been told earlier when the two of you just met for the first time in the entryway of the Daily newsroom. She was cute and well-dressed—she wore a pleated skirt and sweater with a white collar peeking through. Her smile was dazzling, and reminded you of someone who would do well on stage. No wonder she had theater and performing experience.

"Oh!" She shot you one of those dazzling smiles, her hand shooting up to shift the white, fluffy earmuffs seated over her head. "I actually had a cousin who came here and shared with me some of the Daily's earlier issues. She always said it was kind of competitive to get in, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to try."

You bobbed your head. "That's really cool." A small laugh fell from your lips, "I'm glad you did try! Lots of people just assume they're gonna get turned away and they don't try at all, you know?"

Sumin hummed in understanding.

Something had settled nicely in your chest throughout this walk. Even if your past anxieties were beginning to bubble up to the surface at the sight of the nearing performing arts buildings, Sumin's easy conversation calmed you. It was one less thing to worry about.

Yesterday, when Doyoung had proposed this job for you, you had asked Mark to accompany you and Sumin to the arts buildings. He couldn't walk with you two, but he promised to meet you there. Now, you were kind of glad you got to have this bit of bonding time with her.

“I think Doyoung said that I should introduce you to a few people in particular,” you said offhandedly and pulled your phone out to check yours and Doyoung’s text thread.

Sumin did the same, most likely taking out any notes she had taken from Doyoung’s instructions. “Yeah, something like Lee Minho, Kim Jungwoo… the Hwang?—the Hwang siblings, uhm and Ji Changmin…?”

Your footing faltered for a second, and Sumin asked if you were all right, but you recovered quickly. You let out an embarrassed laugh, feeling heat crawl up your neck. Why in the world did his name catch you off guard like that? Maybe it was because you assumed Doyoung would just let you avoid Changmin, but realistically, if Sumin was going to do an interview with the dance department’s most prominent members, then there was no avoiding Changmin.

You just had to suck it up and be an adult about it.

It was three years ago… What was the big deal?

But as you moved to open the door to the backstage area for Sumin with your ID card, you felt your throat tighten in on itself. You forced a smile to your face as you let Sumin go in before you so you could turn your head out to inhale a large lungful of fresh air. Then, you ducked in after her.

The backstage corridors were as hustle n' bustle as you expected them to be. The lights were dim-looking from the black walls and floors marred with scuff marks from years upon years of use. It was an overwhelming tidal wave of sensory details—what, with the clashing sounds of chatter and music, the smell of some kind of polish (or maybe that was resin?), the warmth of energy in the air and all around you.

The hairs on the back of your neck stood like you could sense someone was coming this way.

You gestured down the opposite direction to Sumin. “Come on; I’m pretty sure they’re down this way.”

It was a curious thing, memory. You could recall late nights of catching the bus to these very practice rooms and backstage rooms from when you were in high school. Performing on the stage was a whole other experience in itself, and though part of you missed it, there were other feelings that dominated the hints of nostalgia now.

You could hear the chatter even clearer now, even if their words were muddled.

The door to one of the larger practice rooms were left ajar, and though you only peered in, you felt the warmth hit you like a wave. Your throat was closing up again—breathe—

“Hey,” you said into the room, catching quite a few eyes. From an initial scan, you determined that Changmin wasn’t amongst the crush of people socializing in here, and you couldn’t identify the feeling manifesting in the pit of your stomach.

Jungwoo was the first to bound over toward you, swiftly followed by Minho and Hyunjin, one of the Hwang siblings. “Yn-ie! I can’t believe you actually came. I thought Doyoung was joking.”

A smile made its way onto your lips and you accepted Jungwoo’s side hug. “Yeah, well Doyoung doesn’t joke around.”

“He really doesn’t,” Hyunjin said with a grimace. “He’s kind of scary, that one.”

“If you can survive Minho,” you said to him, “then you can survive Doyoung.”

Minho made a face at you. “What have I ever done to you, Yn?”

Nothing; this is just me trying to pretend I’m not seconds away from quivering like a leaf in the wind. You laughed. “Nothing yet. Guys, I'd like you to meet Sumin. She’s our new recruit at the Daily, and she’s gonna be the one conducting interviews for the winter showcase this year.”

Sumin didn’t need much prompting to smile and wave at your friends in that same charming way. “Hi, nice to meet you!”

The three dancers before you replied in kind. Jungwoo offered to introduce her to some of the others in the room, and before you knew it, she was swept away.

Hyunjin made a comment about needing to go check up on a friend of his, leaving you and Minho chatting to the side of the room.

“Wow,” Minho said offhandedly as the two of you watched Jungwoo and Sumin work their way around the room, “she’s a natural at this. Where’d Kim find this one?”

“She saw some of our older issues,” you replied. You watched as Sumin ignited a sort of brightness in every conversation she started. You struggled to swallow; now that you didn’t feel obligated to keep up appearances, especially in front of Sumin, your jitteriness was beginning to come on just a little stronger. You absentmindedly massaged your throat, willing it to loosen up.

Minho glanced over at you, his eyes catching your anxious actions. “Must have a lot of confidence in her if he’s throwing her straight into taking charge of interviews. How’re you holding up?” The latter was said lowly and under his breath in case someone just happened to be close enough to catch onto your conversation.

Minho didn’t know your history with the dance department as thoroughly as your close friends did, but it didn’t take a genius to see that you weren’t at your absolute best right now. You gave a stiff shrug. “I’m alright,” you managed to say.

He nodded, though it was probably more for your sake than him saying he believed you. “It’s funny,” he drawled, “one might think that by sending you here on behalf of the paper, that you were behind Opera Glasses.”

Now that, you could let out a genuine chuckle at.

Minho gauged your reaction but smiled to himself. He wasn’t one to really care for the drama and gossip side that came privy to the performing arts review section, but you couldn’t blame him if he was curious.

“That would be really stupid if that was the case,” you mused.

“It would be,” he agreed. “Is this a sign that this will be the end of Opera Glasses then? Finally a face to the name?”

You pursed your lips. “Actually, I’m not too sure what Doyoung will end up doing. I’m sure he’ll call for a board meeting to decide what the review’s fate will be, but it’s not exactly our top priority—”

Your voice and words trailed off as your eyes met a pair coming into the practice room. You and Changmin froze at the sight of one another, two deer caught in headlights, and you felt your heart palpitate violently in your chest. Your breath left your lungs—his expression was filled with surprise, until it morphed into something you couldn’t read.

“What are you doing here?” He deadpanned.

Minho’s eyebrows shot up. “You didn’t know Yn was stopping by? We all got the email from Director Lee, man.”

Changmin pressed his mouth together and it made the dimple in his cheek deepen. He looked you up and down, and he opened his mouth to say something else, but paused when you unconsciously brushed your thumb against the hollow of your throat. (Dear god, why couldn’t you breathe? Breathe, breathe, breathe—)

He seemed to lose whatever he was going to say. You swore the sharpness in his gaze softened.

But then his jaw tightened; you didn’t know why. “I didn’t think you’d actually show,” he muttered under his breath.

Ouch.

The words from his mouth pricked uncomfortably at the back of your mind. You found your voice again. “I’ll be gone before you know it,” you replied tersely.

Your response touched a nerve for him, too. He cut his attention to the rest of the practice room. “Where’s your new girl?”

“Over there,” you said, inclining your head across the room where Sumin and Hwang Yeji were currently swapping contact information. Something soared in your chest at the sight, but you couldn’t tell if it was pride or envy.

Without any additional prompting, you watched Changmin make his way toward Sumin and away from you. You didn’t realize you were holding in a breath until you finally exhaled—

“Yn! Sorry I’m late.” Mark bumbled into the practice room, wiping a drop of sweat from his forehead as he quite literally crashed against the wall next to you and Minho. He was panting and gasping for breath, and you and Minho couldn’t help but express your amusement.

“It’s all cool, dude,” you assured while patting his head.

“I should probably get back to it,” Minho said as he began walking away from you and Mark. “Nice to see you, Mark. Feel free to take a water bottle from the green room.”

Mark thumped his head against the wall with his eyes closed. “Thanks, man,” he huffed.

With a snicker under his breath, Minho went his separate way.

You gave Mark a moment to catch a breath or two, and you slid down next to him against the practice room wall. Folding your knees up against your chest, you copied Mark’s position with his head tilted back as you both inhaled through your nostrils and breathed out through slightly parted lips. While Mark might have been trying to get a moment of rest from (no doubt) running here from the bus stop, you were trying to steady yourself.

The anxiety was starting to make your hands feel numb cold.

“You don’t have to stay, y’know,” came Mark’s voice, followed by the back of his hand gently nudging your arm. When your eyes fluttered open, you found him already looking at you. “You asked for my help; you can go take a breather outside and come back in—or maybe don’t—whatever you’re comfortable with. This can’t be easy.”

You were struggling to swallow again. One of your hands drummed messily against your kneecap. “It’s—” you shook your head, “—I’ll be okay. Thanks for coming though.”

“Yeah, dude. Of course.”

Something prodded at the side of your head, like someone was staring at you, but when you turned to see, it was just Changmin talking to Sumin. They were both smiling and making good conversation, it seemed.

You let out a sigh and closed your eyes again. Wishful thinking.

— ✶

Mark stayed behind to “vibe” with the remaining dancers still at the performing arts building while you and Sumin pushed out into the crisp, cool evening. Even after walking all the way to the bus station, your hands were still numb, and the cold definitely wasn’t helping.

“How do you feel about the dance interviews now?” You found yourself asking Sumin as the two of you sat on the bench at the station waiting for the bus to come pick the two of you up.

Sumin beamed. “I definitely feel a bit more secure about conducting them. I’ll definitely need some help with dance terminology and editing and stuff though.”

You nodded. “No problem at all.”

“The people are all really so chill and nice…” Your eyes definitely weren’t tricking you when you saw the bashfulness that her expression took on, and the little giggle you heard could not have been the wind. “Especially Changmin.”

Ha. What.

A weight fell to the pit of your stomach. Maybe you were hearing things… “Sorry?”

She blinked, and the blush on her cheekbones darkened. “Oh, haha, it’s nothing! I just… he was really sweet, and he has a really pretty smile and stuff—do you—uh, do you know if his previous dance showcase performances are online?”

(Something about that detail—he has a really pretty smile—rang a bell for you.)

It was really an innocent question, but you knew if Sumin went searching online for Changmin, and if she went deep enough, she’d find you there, too. You sucked in a breath. “I can—” you winced inwardly, “—send you some of his performances, if you want?”

You couldn’t deny the warm and fuzzy feeling in your chest when Sumin practically lit up at your suggestion. “Would you? I would really appreciate it, Yn! You’re the best.”

From your periphery, you saw the bus approach from down the street, and you gestured for the both of you to stand up and get your ID cards ready to board. You sent her a small smile—at least it felt good to help her out. You could pretend for a second that this was just a little crush or infatuation on some other colleague of yours that Sumin had. “Yeah, no worries.” No worries at all.

EPISODE SIX: OFF THE [TOP OF YOUR] HEAD

FRIDAY night brought you, Seungkwan, and Doyoung to the hotpot place located in the university district. The three of you were the unconventional combination of your friends, but Kun and Ten were supposedly on their way over as of five minutes ago. Thus, with the last of your party nearing, the three of you deigned to begin ordering almost everything off the menu—just to whet your appetites, of course.

Doyoung slumped down in his seat across from you and Seungkwan as soon as the waiter left to input your table's hefty order. "Ugggggggh."

Seungkwan snorted. "Ah, my favorite sound."

Doyoung passed him a dirty look over his lenses. "Is that sarcasm I hear, Boo Seungkwan?"

"I have no idea what you mean," he said with feigned innocence as he looked away and scratched the side of his head.

You chuckled to yourself, drawing your phone out from the inner pocket of your puffer jacket when you heard the series of buzzes. Your screen lit up with notifications from Sumin, all of them thanking you profusely for the spam of links you'd sent her way. These were on top of the videos you had dug up from your secret locked folder in your phone—and here you were, wondering why in the world you were doing this to yourself and for her?

"I can't decide if I dread Doyoung's noises of discontent or your expressions of pain more," Seungkwan commented, effectively pulling your focus away from your phone.

Both of your friends were now looking at you, patiently awaiting your answer to what ailed you tonight. Where should you begin?

"I'm not in pain," you scoffed. You set your phone facedown on the table next to you to avoid looking at the notifications. Huh. "Did I look like I was in pain?"

Doyoung's smile was wide like his eyes as he nodded. "Yup," he chirped in that sweet sarcasm of his. "Like you'd just watched a video of someone stubbing their toe against a doorframe."

Seungkwan blinked. "That's so—specific."

"You do not want to know what my For You Page looks like—"

You recreated the look of pain from earlier, holding your palm up. "Respectfully, Doie? I don't."

Seungkwan let out another snort of delight and had to hold a hand in front of his mouth.

Doyoung leveled a half-hearted scowl at you. "You're lucky I'm not your boss right now."

"As opposed to every other moment in time?"

"You have a mouth on you tonight."

"I do like to use it every so often," you quipped, the corner of your mouth lifting in an amused smirk.

Doyoung sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "I don't get paid enough for this."

"You're literally not getting paid at all—" Your words were sliced off at their end when you gasped—it was all a blur: a mass of reddish-brown hair, your phone snatched from right in front of you— "SEUNGKWAN!"

Seungkwan held his breath with an impish grin as he turned his back to you and shielded your phone from your attempts to get it back. "I just wanna see!" He said with a cackle. "Every time you've looked at your phone today, you looked like you wanted to fall into an abyss."

You glared at him, pulling away to cross your arms firmly over your chest. "You can't just steal my phone, dude!"

"What's so important on your phone anyway, Yn-ie?" Doyoung asked good naturedly, reaching for his glass of ice water. "You're usually not so attached to that thing."

Your lips snapped shut and you wondered if the heat creeping up to your face was obvious.

"You've been sending Changmin videos to Sumin?!" Seungkwan bursted out, his eyes so wide that you could see your reflection in his pupils. As you'd feared, Seungkwan still had his fingerprint registered into your phone from before (long story; don't ask), and had cracked the device open, as well as your most recently opened application—yours and Sumin's text messages.

You did nothing but stare at the table like you were getting war flashbacks, while Doyoung had even gotten up out of his seat to take a peek at your phone, too.

"I haven't even seen this video before," Seungkwan hissed as if you weren't right there.

You fixed them both with a stink eye, but at the same time, maybe this was for your benefit. They could help you without you actually asking for help—

Doyoung's face contorted into a laughable expression of shock (eyes wide, mouth wider, eyebrows pinched, nose wrinkled) as he viewed what Seungkwan had selected. "Oh my god. He's a child in this!"

"Actually he was a senior in high school—" You slapped a hand over your mouth. Whoops.

Both of their heads whipped over toward you. "I thought you deleted all your high school shit!" They chorused together. If it had been any other situation or context, you might have laughed at the hilarity if it all.

Instead, you averted your gaze, making a show of looking for the waiter or maybe even Kun or Ten. What was taking them so long anyway?

"Yn," Seungkwan addressed with a tone akin to that of a parent on the verge of lecturing their child, "what in the name of god are you sending Sumin and why?"

Helpless, you held both your palms up in a sheepish shrug. "The kid has a crush on him, and being the best mentor figure ever, I… did some compiling for her." You paused, "Now that I say it out loud, it does sound pretty stupid."

Doyoung returned to his seat. "Ya think?"

You wrinkled your nose at him. "Hey! Sometimes, some of us have bad nights and we wanna feel something." Out of context, this was a really suspicious conversation.

"Isn't this just you torturing yourself?"

Seungkwan slapped his hand against the table, and both you and Doyoung startled. "That's it! I'm calling for an intervention."

Your mouth parted open. "Right now?"

He deadpanned at you. "No, when Kun and Ten get here—of course, right now!"

You returned his deadpan expression. The adrenaline from all this back and forth was slowly fading, and what you were left with was something that felt like emptiness. So… now they knew.

Doyoung and Seungkwan exchanged looks with another from across the table, but it was the former who spoke first. "Why do you still have videos from back then, Yn-ie? I thought you told us you deleted them all?"

"I mean, we're not trying to be judgmental or anything," Seungkwan added firmly, but not unkindly, "they're your videos and photos, your past and memories, but… based on everything you've already told us before, wouldn't it be best to delete them?"

You didn't like the emptiness. The adrenaline had stripped you of energy and confidence when it faded. "I," you stammered, "I just… I couldn't bring myself to delete them." Your voice was quiet, almost inaudible compared to the liveliness of the hotpot shop around you and your friends. "I mean, how could I? Sometimes, I want to watch them and try to find the courage to say that I'm sorry first."

Yeah, you wanted to feel something. That "something" was actually a lot of things—courage, happiness, nostalgia, anger, melancholy, love, passion, pride. A life and childhood you had lost; who's fault was it but your own? You felt nothing short of pathetic.

Seungkwan frowned deeply, his eyes softening. He leaned forward and drew you into his embrace, his hold warm and comforting. "Oh, Yn. I'm sorry; I shouldn't have pried like that."

You wrapped your arms around him, eyes shuddering closed. "Yeah, you shouldn't have."

He grunted into your shoulder, a noise of defiance and attitude.

Doyoung had a similar expression of sympathy present on his face. You didn't often see something like that from him, but after years of friendship and working together, you'd begun to see a lot more of him. "I'm sorry too, Yn. It probably still hurts, and I know I was probably really insensitive when I asked you to introduce Sumin to the dance department—"

"Hey guys! Sorry we're late."

Everyone jolted at the sight of Kun and Ten arriving at your table. Kun sent Ten a sharp look along with a sharp jab with his elbow for interrupting. Kun shot you an apologetic look. "Sorry, we didn't interrupt anything, did we?"

You shook your head as Seungkwan pulled away. Doyoung and Seungkwan were both looking to you to make the decision of whether or not you would let Kun and Ten in on the prior conversation.

No, you didn't want to put a damper on dinner any longer. "Ah, no worries. We were just… discussing a couple work things. What took you guys so long?"

Luckily, no one (namely Ten) called you out and the two newcomers slid into their respective seats. Dinner would arrive soon, and you could fill your belly with something other than negative thoughts for once.

— ✶

boss bunny: hey, i didn't get a chance to say this earlier, but i'm so sorry for expecting u to introduce sumin to the dance dept

boss bunny: i didn't think at all abt how that might trigger u, and i still want u to know that u can back out whenever u feel uncomfortable. seriously.

your phone: it's okay, doyoung. i get it, i really do. and i promise that it didn't feel like u were forcing me or assuming that i would do it either

your phone: i knew it would probably trigger me like this too, but i kind of really wanted to be someone's mentor yk? it just… called to me ig

your phone: sounds kind of sad lol

boss bunny: nonono! not at all :( i understand that too

boss bunny: i admire ur strength, yn

your phone: DOIE 🥺

boss bunny: …okay love u and all, but let's not use that emoji yeah? T-T

your phone: okay wtv 🤧 now stop texting cuz ten is starting to realize ur not slick at this

boss bunny: AM TOO. >:(

— ✶

"He kept looking at his phone and then at you, like, every five seconds," Ten giggled, his shoulder absentmindedly brushing against yours as the two of you strolled side by side through the numbing cold night. Dinner had concluded just about half an hour ago, and while Kun ferried Doyoung and Seungkwan home, you and Ten decided to head down a few blocks to get milk tea and hang out.

You clapped your hands together in delight, your laughter lighting up the night. “That’s what I’m saying! He just wasn’t subtle about it and he kept arguing with me that he was.” You shook your head, tongue darting out to lick your lips, “It’s okay though. I think Dad Doyoung’s antics are charming.”

Ten grinned. “Dad Doyoung? I think he’s more of an uncle; ‘Dad’ is Kun’s title.”

“Fair enough.”

“Ayo, Ten!”

Both yours and Ten’s heads whipped upward at the sound of his name being called. You didn’t actually recognize the voice, but when you saw the lineup of four young men coming toward you from the opposite end of the street, you didn’t need to recognize it. Because, well, you recognized their faces.

Huh, you had been running into Changmin and his like a lot more often recently.

Heading straight for you was Changmin, Chanhee, Juyeon, and—you thought his name was Kevin. Kevin was the one who had called out to Ten, and he waved excitedly over to your friend. Based on Changmin’s not-so-subtle frown at Kevin, you could assume that this was not expected. Maybe he was going to advocate crossing the whole street to avoid you.

“Oh, hey Kev!” Ten greeted back cheerily, glancing at you beside him. “Do you know Kevin and Juyeon?”

You bobbed your head. “Briefly,” you replied. The two of your groups met in the middle, two blockades in the smack middle of the sidewalk. Impromptu meetups like this always seemed to end up clogging up the sidewalk for some reason.

After a swift greeting, Chanhee was already gesturing to the direction his group had already been headed in. “Hey, I’ll probably run up the street and get us a table. Haknyeonie says the tables fill up fast after eight o’clock.”

Juyeon perked up. “Oh, I’ll come with!”

Chanhee made eye contact with Changmin from across the group, and a silent form of communication passed between them. You watched this happen quietly, standing to the side with your hands tucked into your pockets while Ten and Kevin caught up from the last time they saw each other (apparently, it was a drawing and painting course from last quarter). However, instead of leaving with Chanhee and Juyeon, Changmin lingered with the three of you.

He naturally came to stand semi-close to you since he wasn’t exactly a part of the “drawing and painting” conversation. The frown from earlier had disappeared, though, and you didn’t know if you could call that a win or not.

Perhaps to you, the tension between the two of you was palpable. There were… far too many things up in the air at this moment, and it was nearly impossible for you to figure out just one thing to start with.

Plus, now was no time to get into all of that baggage. You needed to finish that intervention with Doyoung and Seungkwan before you could handle that kind of conversation—at least, that was what you would have preferred.

But for now, you found yourself clearing your throat and sparing him a glance. “Hey.”

Changmin’s eyes darted over to yours in ill-concealed surprise. “Hey.”

And that was that.

Luckily, Ten nor Kevin dragged on their conversation longer than it needed to be, and soon, you and Ten were passing by Kevin and Changmin as both parties went their separate ways. (You were going to pretend that you hadn’t looked back to watch Changmin walk away. Definitely not.)

“All good?” Ten asked, though, his voice was quieter than it had been before.

You could meet his eyes and nod. “Yeah.”

Ten followed up with an idle sort of humming noise, like he was one of those really loud computer fans (what in the world led you to think of that—?), “A few days ago, I kind of asked Changmin what the deal between the two of you was.”

“Oh?” Nervousness bubbled up the column of your throat. “What’d he say?”

He gave a shrug. “Something like a long-standing grudge.”

You let out a laugh that didn’t exactly sound like a laugh. “Well, I guess that’s one way to put it.” Was that how you would put it? In a way, that was what it was, but there was so much more to that, wasn’t there? Did Changmin think so little of what transpired between the two of you or was he just trying to deflect Ten’s interrogation?

The two of you had arrived at the tea shop by now, and Ten opened the door for you. The shop’s insides were warm and bright, and the tables were already filled up with fellow students who decided to hang out with friends on their Friday evening. You and Ten shifted over to the self-order kiosks to the side of the room and continued your conversation in low volumes.

“How would you put it then?” He asked. When you looked over at him, you realized that there was something scarily disarming about his eyes. “No pressure, of course. I mean, you can call me out on being nosy whenever; I figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask.”

You pursed your lips as you turned back to the screen to absentmindedly swipe down the page to find your preferred order. On the inside, you fought for the right words. “Changmin and I were best friends since we were kids,” you started, inputting your preferred level of sugar and ice like clockwork, “and we met through dance.”

Ten nodded to signal he was still listening, and the two of you swapped places so he could input his order.

You cracked your knuckles and rubbed your palms together to generate some kind of heat between them. “I didn’t really like dance at first. It was just one of those things my parents put me in to occupy my time after school and while they were working. But… well, you know how Changmin is with dance—it was and is his livelihood.”

“Even then?”

A nod. “Even then.”

When your orders were paid for, the two of you moved to a quiet corner of the shop to wait for your number to be called from the counter. You leaned your side against the wall next to Ten, your eyes staring blankly at a crack in the floor. “He was actually the reason I grew to love dancing,” you confessed. “As we got older and went into high school, sneaking out to practice together and performing together on stage became as easy as breathing air and as normal as…” You shook your head. “It was just a lot easier I think, back then.”

Ten tilted his chin toward you. “What happened between you two, Yn?”

You swallowed roughly. “In my first year of high school, my parents got divorced. I always suspected it would happen, but my mom kind of changed after that.” Your eyebrows crinkled as you recalled the memories of your early teenage years and tried to grapple with an adequate way to express them aloud. “And, to be fair, the more I danced, the more I didn’t want to focus on school work, but my mom became really hard on me about all that and I started to crack down on that stuff.

“Eventually, she got tired of taking me to dance practices and shows, and she blew up at me about how useless dance was going to be if I was going to become a doctor or something like that.”

Ten heard your number being called and nudged you to follow after him. He handed you your drink, and the two of you pushed back out into the chilly night. You didn’t really know where you were trying to go, but you didn’t really care. You both ended up in one of the small parking lots squeezed between two fast food restaurants, and you sat yourself down on the curb.

You continued, “And so, she would purposely forget to come home in time to take me to competitions and rehearsals. By the time I realized she wasn’t coming, I was already late every time. I would start walking myself there and taking the bus instead. Changmin started noticing that I was slacking, but I…”

“He didn’t know?”

“No.” You didn’t want him to know. Maybe it was your stupid pride that was preventing you from admitting that aloud. Maybe you were ashamed that your mom wasn't as accepting of dance as his parents were. You let out a shuddering breath and watched it come out in a visible puff in front of your face. “She made me grow spiteful toward dance,” you said stiffly. “I would be trying to stretch or practice movement in my bedroom while studying for exams, and she would come in and berate me.”

The yelling echoed in your mind, all too vividly. Your mother never physically hurt you, but there were still scars. “She’d discourage me from rehearsals or signing up for competitions by telling me I was nowhere near good enough, that dancing wasn’t going to put food on the table, and that I was—” A complete disappointment. You could pick those exact words out of a line up.

Ten’s eyes glistened with silver in the amber glow of the streetlight above you. “Jesus, Yn. I’m so sorry; that’s—that’s awful.”

You didn’t know how to accept the sympathy, even after having received so much from your other friends already. No matter how many times you retold your story, it was never quite right or in the way your brain wanted to portray it. You didn’t want to portray anyone as the villain; you figured that maybe you could have done something back then to prevent this. (You couldn’t have, actually, and that was the most difficult part to accept.)

“Yeah,” you murmured, setting your drink on the ground as you curled in on yourself slightly. “Anyway, by senior year, Changmin was obviously really into dance and was probably really stressed about auditions and end-of-the-year competitions. We basically… we basically took out our anger on each other. He said some things, I said some things. The rest is history.”

It was quiet for a moment as you let the words sink into the open air. Your chest loosened a bit after being able to tell another person about it, but for the most part, your hands still trembled. You reached for your drink again to take a sip and to force some kind of liquid down your throat.

After a while, Ten piped up, “Yn… I hope you know that you are not whoever your mother was trying to make you believe you were. You’ve probably realized that already—or maybe you’re still working on it—but please know that you’re probably one of the strongest people I know. It must have been really hard for you and I…” He exhaled, “Sorry, I’ve never been great at this.”

You sent him a small smile in return. “It’s okay; I still appreciate it.” After a beat, you added, “I know I act like I hate him, but I still want to see him succeed. I can’t think that ill of him, especially when he wasn’t the only one at fault.”

“Ah, that’s why ‘it’s complicated’, huh? I get that.”

“Yeah.” Your hands—god, if they could just stop shaking—

Ten reached over and covered your hands with one of his, and you let the heat of his palm warm yours. “You’re doing great, Yn. You know that, right?”

You couldn’t choke out an answer to that. You could only really say, “I just miss him sometimes.”

A sad smile. “I know. Maybe he does, too.”

You wanted to laugh, or maybe cry, at that. Anyone who got in the way of Changmin’s passions was no one to him. You would know exactly how that felt.

EPISODE SEVEN: [ROLLS RIGHT] OFF THE TONGUE

WHENEVER Changmin was feeling unsure of himself, he would retreat to his safe space: the practice rooms. Even if it was some time in the ungodly morning, like 2am as it was now, he would make the trek beneath molten gold streetlights and barren cobbled streets. It was the one place where he could focus his energy solely on dance, and forget about everything else.

Once upon a time, it had been your safe space just as much as it was his.

Changmin huffed a sigh as he hiked up the remaining flight of stone stairs that led up to the backdoor area of the performing arts building. It was a handful of hours since he and Chanhee parted ways with Kevin and Juyeon after enjoying dinner together. Chanhee was probably dead asleep by now—he was probably going to wake up and continue studying for his exams anyway.

As he turned to his right, his breath hitched as he caught sight of someone standing right outside the door. Usually, he had no trouble getting in and security wasn’t exactly strict in this area of campus. In fact, he almost never bumped into anyone, as strange as it sounded. Maybe he should have counted his blessings.

But then he recognized your jacket from earlier this evening, the very same one you were wearing while walking next to Ten—practically squished up against each other, two peas in a pod. He didn’t like how irked he was by that detail. He still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that you had said “hey” first.

You weren’t looking at him, rather, your body was completely turned toward the door as if you were trying to decide whether or not you should go in. You were as still as a statue, frozen in time.

The moment, however, faded as quickly as it had come. You must have sensed his presence, and your head whipped around to face him.

There.

His heart leapt into his throat—dear god, why did you look so afraid? And then he noticed that you weren’t frozen still, but rather, channeling all your energy into keeping your body from trembling. Were you cold? What were you doing here so late? Why weren’t you with Ten?

He watched your throat move as you gulped. And then you were walking toward him—no, past him—wait, come back— “So that’s it?”

The grip he had on his duffle bag strap tightened when you stopped next to him just as you were going to walk past him toward the stairs. Your gazes clashed like a pair of twin lightning bolts slicing through the night sky. There had always been a sort of energy between the two of you, and when you were young, he had been so very attracted to that kind of power, one so similar to his… he didn’t think he was mistaken back then.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You said, still there. Your voice was low, but he could detect the edge.

He didn’t know what it was supposed to mean; he just didn’t want you to leave without knowing why you were here. Were you looking for him? “You’re not gonna say anything to me? Why are you here?”

(He swore it wasn’t supposed to come out that brusque-sounding, but he also didn’t know what it was supposed to come out sounding like…? He felt like he didn’t know you anymore.)

There was a narrowing of your eyes, and you both angled your bodies to face one another like a standoff. “No one said I had anything to say to you. And I—” You tripped over your words, “—I don’t know why I’m here. That’s why I was leaving.”

Oh.

Why was he disappointed by that answer?

“So you’re not here with Ten or something?” He asked, unsure what else he could say to keep you here, even for just a couple seconds longer.

Your mouth curled. "Clearly not. Why are you so pressed about me and Ten?"

Changmin pressed his lips together. "I'm not." Okay. Very believable.

The face you made said the same thing. "Okay, yeah. I didn't expect you to care so much anyway."

For a reason he loathed to admit, anger spiked in his blood and he felt the distinct need to defend himself. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know," you replied sarcastically, your volume rising, "maybe it's that you've never really cared that much about things that concerned me in the first place?"

"Now that's rich coming from you."

Your glare pierced his. "Oh, please. As soon as I started slacking—god, it took so little for you to just abandon me."

His jaw fell slack. Where the fuck did this conversation just turn to? "Abandon you? You abandoned me!" He exclaimed, finger flicking between the two of you as if he could impale both of your chests with the sharp edge of his accusations.

"How could I have possibly been the one to abandon you?" Your face contorted with so much more emotion than Changmin had ever seen from you over the past three years. Suddenly, he could see the underlying desperation and devastation hidden beneath the lines of bitterness and anger. His heart sank, but his blood still boiled and pumped. He couldn't get the distinctly awful hole in his chest to stop aching. He could remember exactly when you just stopped coming to practice with him. He could remember exactly the day he gave up hope.

"You—" you stammered, your hand flying to your throat. It was the same action he had seen from you just a few days ago while you were in the practice room. He recognized it as a habit of yours for when you were anxious or overwhelmed because your throat closed in on itself. If that wasn't enough to make him want to lay down his sword… "—you stopped caring. When did you stop caring? I just want to know."

Everything went silent for him, just for a split second. You thought… you thought he stopped caring? How could he ever stop caring about you? Wasn't that why he was so upset in the first place?

And when the world zapped back into play, he was sure his skin was ashen. His throat bobbed. "How could you think so little of me?"

Your forehead creased. "Little? Changmin, you were everything to me."

Dear heart—

You were shaking your head and taking a step away from him then. "You couldn't possibly understand."

Just like that, there was fire in his veins again. "That's because you never gave me a chance to understand!"

You threw a look back at him and again, he could read everything there like an open book, so much unlike the wall he had been met with all this time. "And I can say the exact same thing about you. If you think I kept things from you, Ji Changmin—" you said with the undertone of a snarl, so fierce that, as you turned on your foot to face him again, your breath came out like that of a dragon's smoke, "—then how much have you kept from me?"

His nostrils flared and his hands gestured wildly, vaguely—he pressed his palms to his eyes with a haggard sigh. "Why are you here, Yn?" He asked again, finally. He lowered his hands and took a step toward you. "Are you here just to pick a fight with me?"

You paused.

He watched you open your mouth, then close it.

You pursed your lips, finally murmuring, "No. I didn't come here for you."

For some reason, that hurt even more.

— ✶

The practice room was colder than it usually was.

Changmin kept the lights dim for the sake of his stinging eyes, and he dumped his duffle bag in the corner of the room before making a beeline for the aux cord for the speaker system. He hooked up his phone and opened up his music files, his forehead pressing against the cool mirror wall.

For a moment, he simply let his eyes flutter shut and his lungs to breathe.

You were long gone by now, and Changmin considered just going back to his apartment, but he knew he would just lie in bed awake for hours if he did.

When he opened his eyes, he swiped out of his music and instead went to a file kept deep down in the depths of his storage. He had purposely named it so it would remain at the absolute bottom of the list when alphabetized, and the pass code on it was supposed to dissuade him from accessing it.

Supposed to.

He punched in the four digits of your birthday and the lock clicked open to reveal a hefty file of video after video. There were photos of you, too, somewhere, but the videos were all at the top of the file because of their size. He didn't know what he was gonna do when his phone ran out of storage; he figured that when that day came, it would either be when you and he finally figured shit out, or he got closure and could delete them all.

He sighed.

His thumb hovered over one of the video files near the top, one where he could see your face in the thumbnail.

When he opened it, his younger face filled the screen. His tongue poked out from his lips as he carefully settled his phone against the wall next to yours as both of your phones recorded the run-through that was about to happen.

"Changminnie! Come on, I'm starting the song!" Your voice echoed against the practice room walls, and his laughter soon followed as he scurried into place next to you.

Changmin watched his younger self transform his expression into something more serious, while you had looked at him through the mirror and burst out laughing.

Younger Changmin broke his facade, the dimples in his cheeks deep, his smile bright. "What?"

You grinned back at him. "Sorry, sorry! Nothing; it's just interesting how you can just shift your facial expression like that."

"You have to practice like you perform though!"

"I know, I know. I just like your smile better, y'know?"

Changmin could see the hearts in his younger self's eyes. Jesus, had he really blushed that hard? Younger Changmin cupped the back of his neck bashfully. "Really?"

You punched his arm playfully. "Yeah. It's really pretty, Changmin. I thought I told you this before."

"Well yeah, but it doesn't hurt to hear it again—yah! Hey, I can bite back, you know—!"

Changmin's eyes shuddered as the familiar melody of the song flowed into his ears. He abruptly slammed his thumb down onto the pause button.

No, he couldn't stomach hearing it. Not when he could recall every move from memory and not when he had no partner to complement those moves. It just reminded him of the gaping hole in his chest and the emptiness of this room.

"Let's get to work, Changmin," he muttered to himself as he swiped out of the folder and back to his music files. He had an actual to-do list in mind, after all, and it did not include a dive into the forbidden folder. (No matter how much he needed to hear your voice again, for once, not arguing with him.)

EPISODE EIGHT: OFF THE HOOK

"HE'S been pissy all morning—"

Changmin suppressed a groan of frustration as he heard his friend's voices nearing the dressing room he was in. All morning, the performing arts building had been a madhouse, even worse than the night of the draft showcase. Everyone just decided to be here today, whether they were his fellow dancers trying to score a practice room, one of the prospective actors auditioning for a part in Hyunjae's best friend's thesis play, or one of the tech members trying to make sure everything worked behind the scenes.

Changmin had gone from room to room in an attempt to find an empty one where he could have some peace in working on his own. He would have just gone home at this point, but Chanhee was stressing over his own exams, so Changmin was stuck here.

So taking all of that into account, including the rough encounter he'd had with you a couple days ago, plus a lack of sleep and coffee—not the happiest squirrel on campus.

(How could you just drop a bomb like "You were everything to me, Changmin" in his lap and expect him not to think of anything else for days on end?)

The door to the dressing room he was hiding in cracked open, and all of the cacophony from the outside flooded in, as well as a crush of his friends.

"Don't you guys have class?" Changmin moaned, his hand coming up to rub his sleep-deprived eyes.

"Well, yeah, but this is much more fun," came Younghoon's teasing chuckle as he walked over to Changmin and clasped a hand on his shoulder.

Changmin made a face. "I just wanted some peace and quiet."

Sunwoo scoffed. "Peace and quiet? You've come to the wrong place, hyung."

"Yeah," Hyunjae added on, "might as well take a break for once and come watch auditions with us! HJ!Yn needs help judging people anyway."

Changmin cocked a brow at the blond. "You should call Chanhee for that then. Shouldn't you be out there, Younghoon?" He nodded toward the tall, lanky drama major present.

Younghoon shook his head, bouncing on the balls of his feet. How did he have so much energy? "Nope. I'm auditioning for a part, so she's gatekeeping me from watching."

Changmin turned from his friends slightly as he reached down for his phone that he had situated on top of the small bluetooth speaker he had the good sense to bring. Then again, maybe he should have just stuck to earbuds… whatever. He was too tired to care. Part of him wanted to add to the chaos anyway.

"What's her thesis play about again?" He asked no one in particular. Sunwoo waddled over to him and stole his phone right from his hands and began browsing through the music selection.

"It's a modern take of one of Shakespeare's plays: Much Ado About Nothing," answered Younghoon. "It was really funny actually, like the original play. Lots of matchmaking, lots of stupidity. I think they dump someone in a lake..."

Hyunjae perked up. "Oh yeah! That was probably my favorite part of the whole script."

Changmin chuckled. "I was expecting you to say something like 'the whole thing's my favorite because my best friend wrote it'."

"Oh, no, that still applies."

Changmin, Sunwoo, and Younghoon all exchanged knowing looks with one another. Mhm… so they thought. There were a few too many in their friend group who had interesting relationships with their other friends. Exhibit A: whatever the fuck was happening with Hyunjae and his.

Hyunjae caught their silent communication and furrowed his eyebrows. "What?"

Sunwoo snorted, but Younghoon was the one to drawl, "It's absolutely nothing."

Changmin pressed his lips into a cheeky smile, brushing the bangs from out of his vision. Hyunjae's lips quirked to the side in a frown, but didn't make any comment on it. It wasn't a new reaction from the group, by any means, but… oh well. That would be a tale for another time.

With that being said, Changmin followed the three of them out of the relative privacy of the dressing room and out into the hustle-bustle of the main backstage corridor. As soon as that dressing room was vacated, however, somebody was swift to occupy it. Changmin cursed inwardly; guess he wouldn't be able to come back to that room later.

With the switching of theater leadership over the past year (a changing of the guard, if you would, but with professors and sponsors), the management of the entire performing arts department was a mess and a half. There were a few stand-out graduate students and undergraduates who were keeping everything in check for all of the events happening over this year—like Hyunjae’s best friend, Lee Jihoon (a graduate student specializing in sound and music production), and Moon Taeil (a graduate who was a soloist in the chamber choir).

As the four young men made their way closer to the immediate backstage, the sound miraculously dulled down. The lights were a lot dimmer here, as the spotlights were turned toward the main stage. Changmin spotted a few people scattered throughout the backstage area with phones or folded script packets in their hands as they recited their lines to themselves, with some even making exaggerated facial expressions and grand hand gestures.

Hyunjae’s best friend was one of the up and coming director-screenwriter “prodigies” that the drama department championed. She was a year older than Changmin was, and he didn’t need to be a genius to know that there were a crowd of people vying for a role in her graduating thesis play. It must have been stressful as fuck, but he knew that she had a good head on her shoulders—

“—I’m gonna stop you right there.”

HJ!Yn’s voice resounded from the other side of the hefty velvet curtains separating the backstage from the main stage. Hyunjae made a show of pressing his index finger to his lips to signal his friends to be quiet—Sunwoo thus made a show of rolling his eyes (“Duh, we’re gonna be quiet.”). They all huddled to the side of the curtain and poked their heads out to see what was going on.

The university performing arts hall was likely one of the most magnificent places on campus. It featured a vast array of floor seating, while also boasting three levels of balcony seats. Changmin remembered once briefly learning the anatomy of the theater seating: the floor or nosebleeds, the slightly lofted box seats, the grand circle, loge circle, and upper circle—the gods. It was all very antiquarian, but it was a place Changmin had become quite familiar with over the years.

The director herself sat in the dimmed nosebleeds section, in the smack middle. Someone had dragged out one of those plastic, foldable tables for her to set her paperwork and a small, battery-operated lamp on top of.

Curiously, sitting next to her was none other than Bae Sumin, your new recruit.

Changmin straightened, accidentally bumping into Younghoon’s shoulder as he did. “Sorry,” he whispered.

Younghoon shook his head to say that it was all good, his hand lifted in acknowledgement.

“Did you know Sumin was here?” He asked his friend.

Younghoon’s expression was thoughtful. “I think so? I left to go find you when I thought I heard someone say they saw her come in. Why? Did she not tell you when the dance department interviews were gonna be held?”

Changmin recalled receiving no notice. “No. I—I figured Yn would be here, too, then. Right?” Was he ready to face you again so soon? Would you even acknowledge him this time—?

Younghoon passed him an amused glance with a small smile fitted over his face. “That would make sense,” he murmured with his arms crossed over his chest. One of his hands reached up to idly massage his jaw. “I’d imagine she would be with her friends, somewhere around here. Though, it would also make sense that she would be sitting with Sumin, too. Then again—”

“You are… no help,” Changmin deadpanned.

His friend chuckled lowly, eyes upturned into slim crescents.

“Uh Jihoon-ah?”

Changmin and Younghoon’s attention flitted over towards the far side of the backstage and they watched as a girl chased after the resident sound producer graduate student. He was, perhaps, smaller than one might anticipate from the intimidating man, but he still harbored so much scary energy and talent within his body. Like all of the staff on the technical team, the pair were clad in all black.

Jihoon glanced up from his clipboard and at the girl. “Hm?”

The girl nodded toward the curtains. “Director is calling for a break and is asking if the house lights can be turned on.”

“Ah okay, come on then. Follow me.”

As the two of them strode across the length of the backstage, the girl’s eyes found Changmin and Younghoon, and… She was looking past him now at someone else. She lifted her hand in a small wave, paired with a smile, “Hi, Sunwoo.”

Changmin whipped his head around, only to realize that Hyunjae had disappeared, but Sunwoo was now standing on Changmin’s other side. He watched in utter delight as his younger friend flushed, even in the dim lighting, at the girl’s greeting. His eyes were wide as he squeaked out a quick, “Hey!” in return.

When Jihoon and his charge had gone out of view, Changmin turned on Sunwoo with a hyena cackle. “Oh my god! Who was that, Kim Sunwoo?”

Sunwoo seemed to shrink into the collar of his hoodie. “No one.”

Changmin’s laughter lit up the room just as the house lights thunk-thunk-thunk’d to life. Younghoon had slipped away, most likely to meet Hyunjae in the nosebleeds, which left only the two of them there alone. “Do you have a crush on her?”

“Yah! You’re such a menace,” Sunwoo groaned, whacking Changmin with the extra length of his sweater paw. “You can’t even talk, dude! You’re in love with a girl who can barely stand to be in the same room—” Sunwoo realized his slip up and slapped a palm over his mouth.

Ouch. The truth hurt, didn’t it? Changmin chuckled, though it was noticeably quieter now. “Well, you’re not wrong—” He shook his head, eyebrows creased together, “—wait, no. Wait, I’m not in love with her!”

Sunwoo rolled his eyes so hard he must have seen his brain up there. “Oh, please. The last time you were drunk and emotional, you showed us that secret little folder in your phone.” He jabbed his finger accusingly at the phone in Changmin’s hand.

Changmin scowled, pressing his phone to his chest as if to protect it in case Sunwoo decided to have wandering hands. “That was told to you in confidence!”

“No, it was told to me in a drunken stupor—” The two of them began to make their way back toward the edge of the curtain, ducking out from its shadow and onto the main stage. Hyunjae and Younghoon were indeed in the nosebleeds now, but Sumin was nowhere to be seen. Maybe she had only been here to observe the audition process. “And you guys say I’m the lightweight.”

“That’s because you are the lightweight.”

Just as the two of them hopped down from the stage and onto the ground floor of seats, Juyeon came in from the doors located at the back of the seats. He raised a hand in greeting to all present, cheerfully waving with that golden retriever-esque grin. “Hey guys! Oh, Changminnie, I was just looking for you.”

Changmin’s eyebrows flew up. “Oh? What’s up, Juyeon?”

Sunwoo retreated into the rows up where Hyunjae and Younghoon were, while Changmin met up with Juyeon in the rightmost aisle.

Juyeon threw a thumb behind him toward the direction he had just come from. “Sumin was asking if you would be willing to do your interview right now.”

His eyes widened slightly. “Right now?”

“That’s what I just said, wasn’t it?”

Changmin pressed his lips together, before nodding. “Uh, for sure. Yeah, lead the way.”

The two dancers hiked their way back up to the back of the area and through the door Juyeon had originally entered through. The main lobby was much less crowded—it was practically barren, which made it the perfect environment to conduct an interview in. Sumin was setting herself up at one of the couches, setting her laptop, phone, and coffee cup on the coffee table opposite to her.

She raised her head when she heard the door open and close, and a bright smile graced her features. “Oh, you found him! Thanks, Juyeonie.”

“Yeah, no problem,” he chirped. “I’ve got a couple things to handle first, but just ask someone to come find me once you and Changmin are done.”

With Juyeon swiftly taking his leave, Changmin was left to take a seat on the other end of the couch that Sumin was sitting at. “Hey, nice to see you again, Sumin,” he said, crossing one ankle over the other and resting his arm along the back of the couch.

The corners of her smile widened. “Nice to see you, too, Changmin! Sorry this was so sudden; I figured that I could get started on some of the interviews while I was here.”

“Oh, yeah, no worries,” he chuckled.

She reached for her phone, fidgeting as she swiped to a simple recording application. “I hope you don’t mind me recording this…?” At his consent, she nodded. “Okay, cool. I did wanna say something before we started.”

He sat up just a bit. “What is it?”

There was a sort of twinkle in her eyes, and if he wasn’t mistaken, her manner became a lot more bashful all of a sudden. “I have to confess that I asked my mentor, Yn, if she could send me some of your dance performance videos and I’m literally in awe of your talent. Like, I wanted to tell you how starstruck I am just being able to tell you this right now, but I just wanted to say this before we started.”

He broke into a boyish grin at this, his dimples becoming craters of joy in the apples of his cheeks. “Ah, thank you—that really means a lot,” he smiled.

Sumin added on, one of her palms pressing against the couch cushion as she leaned toward him slightly, “I mean, I don’t even know how Yn was able to find videos of you from high school, but I’m so glad she did, because—”

Wait what. Changmin was watching Sumin’s mouth move as she talked but he wasn’t truly hearing what she said. His humble, albeit a bit dumbfounded, smile remained, but her words from just before resonated in his head. There were definitely a few of his dance performance videos online from his high school days, but did you keep links to them? Did you keep the recordings on your phone?

The fact that Sumin asked you meant that she probably had no clue about your past, only that you were the person Sumin could rely on if she had any questions.

What did it mean? What did it mean?

His heart pounded in his chest at the thought that maybe he could possibly have an excuse to get you to talk to him, even if it was one, truly dumbass excuse.

“—ready?”

Changmin snapped out of his dazed state. “Sorry?”

Sumin blushed slightly, clearing her throat. At some point, she had pulled her laptop onto her lap and prepped her phone by placing it in between the two of them to record the following conversation. “Are you ready to start?”

He coughed, straightening and adjusting his position. “Oh, yeah—uh, sorry. Yeah, whenever you’re ready.”

Sumin gauged his reaction carefully, but instead of pressing the record button, she hit the power button. “If I may, you seem a little distracted. I don’t really want this to feel like a burden if you’ve got a lot on your plate.”

Shit. “No, I mean,” he shook his head, “I’m sorry. I guess my mind just wanders really easily when…” He huffed a sigh, dragging a hand down his face. “I’m a little tired, that’s all.”

“I totally get that,” she sympathized. “You’ve probably been practicing non-stop lately for the winter showcase. We don’t have to do this today if you’re not in the right headspace.”

He sighed and couldn’t help but feel just a little relieved. He needed to talk to Chanhee about this, math exam or dance practice be damned. But there was a part of him that definitely felt awful about having to cut off her interview even before it began. He gestured to her phone. “How about we reschedule? We could meet up sometime else during the week to redo this and I promise I’ll be all yours.”

He didn’t know what he did, but the pink on her cheeks deepened to a cherry red. “Oh, uh, sure!” She giggled, taking her phone and passing it over to him. “You can just put your phone number in there and I’ll text you to ask when you wanna meet up.”

Changmin nodded his agreement and swiftly inputted his contact information into the given slots. “Definitely,” he said before handing her phone back to her. The phone fumbled between the two of them, but Changmin was already standing up with the goal to go retrieve his bag (wherever it was), and to go consult Chanhee and the man’s infinitesimal opinions. “Really sorry again, Sumin.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it!” She dismissed his worries with a flick of her wrist. “Would you mind finding Juyeon, though?”

Changmin sent her a thumb’s up over his shoulder on his way to the door. “Yeah, for sure.”

She returned the gesture, watching as he disappeared out of the main lobby. It was only when he was definitely gone, she covered her mouth with her hand and stared at his saved contact in her phone. Then, with a silent scream of happiness, she ran to her text chain with you to tell you all about it.

a/n: PLS STILL REBLOG THIS PART EVEN THO ITS NOT THE FULL THING PLS PLS PLS IM BEGGING

read part two here (also linked at top)

permanent taglist: @honeyhuii @crazywittysassy @seomisaho @stopeatread @enhacolor @rnjfy @jaehunnyy @kpopjackie @spiderrenjunfics @soobin-chois @ethereal-engene @mingiholic @ja4hyvn @vatterie @yogurteume @justalildumpling @hyunjaespresent-deobi @hongyangi @pxppxrminty @nerdypastacalzonespy @jcmdoll @kflixnet

taglist: @oi-miya @loveliestfelix @sickvision @jaerisdiction @stealanity @magnificentjudementmoneyhands @inthesunnn @igotkpoopsss @letsnotdoanything @starryjww @sodafy @rreneeeeee @dajanxekiwi @sseastar-main @jenowithjaem @moonyswolf @sleepymoon27 @floatingpluto @fictionlover100 @winterchimez @softie00 @sseuyeon @qkyuscult @hwanunjin @zlebooks @mcu-incorrect @nctzennikki09 @hrt4cheol @moontyuns @quill-ink

[spaceorphan18]

Ahh, I didn't know you liked Bridgerton! (I was away from tumblr for a moment and just now catching up on your blog) I'm obsessed with Penelope and Colin. How did you like season 3? I always love reading your thoughts! I saw so many people complain but I mostly really enjoyed it. I wish it didn't have so many random plotlines, and I didn't like the insta-baby but overall they're my favourite couple in the show haha.

Hi Nonny! Welcome back to the Tumblr! <3

I hope you don't mind me indulging a little with your ask, lol. If you've followed me for any length of time, you do know I can't shut up - but I realized I haven't really said my actual thoughts on the season, etc, I just started meta'ing and haven't looked back. So, pull up a chair, Nonny, as I chatter non-stop for a bit about Bridgerton and my thoughts on season 3, lol.

I'll put it under a cut to save the rest of your souls....

Part 1: How did we get here?

Am I big fan of historical romance? No, not really. Did I expect this show to ever have a grip on me? Not even a little bit. How in the world did this happen? Idk - it appears that favorite tropes and character designs and dynamics seem to transcend genre. And I'm an old sap.

The tl:dr version is that I watched Seasons 1 and 2 after Season 2 came out. It was fine. Not a huge fan of Season 1, I did like Season 2 though. And then kind of forgot it existed. Eloise was by far my favorite character - because I liked her spunk. And the friendship between Eloise and Penelope was the best part of the show.

And then I was reminded that Season 3 dropped and did not expect the shock that I got. I went in completely blind - I hadn't seen a single promo. I did know, because I looked up the books when I originally watched, that it would be Pen and Colin's story. But I was kind of fascinated at how they were going to go about it. Penelope was not a stereotypical leading lady. And Colin was very boy-ish looking in the early seasons. How was this going to work?

Oh man, the glow ups. The glow ups got me. Pen is so, so gorgeous this entire season. When she's wearing her hair down, omg... Or that one look where she's like a housewife writing in her journal. God damn, girl. She can get it. And then Colin... ha. When he got out of the carriage, I was like - oh shit. It was the pirate coat. A good pirate coat will always do me in.

But more than that - really, the dynamics of the characters just really sold me. I love friends to lovers. I love the angst and the pull. I love the whole she fell first he fell harder. I love that I unintentionally just go for the same kind of characters and their dynamics over and over and over.

And then, you know, between the first part and second part, I rewatched the first two seasons, which was helpful. (Though, still not a huge fan of season 1.) Was addicted to the promo tour (my god I love a good promo tour). And @ckerouac - got me to watch Derry Girls which really cemented my love of Nicola Coughlin. And, you know, once you start going down a hole, you just have to keep on going until you get to the other side.

Idk how we really got here, Nonny, but here we are! Lol

Part 2: My thoughts on Season 3

So, briefly, I just fell in love with Part 1 right off the bat. LOVED IT. Part 2, honestly, I felt disappointed after seeing it the first time. (I remember episode 6, in particular, thinking - wow that was not a very good episode).

And then... I rewatched it and then rewatched it again after watching Seasons 1 and 2 and kind of started to take it a part a bit, and it's grown on me. A lot! I actually do really love the season as a whole and appreciate what we've got...

Breaking it down a little more:

Pen and Colin's story: I still do think the first half is stronger. The whole Colin helping Pen find a husband, Lord Debling (who is a doll), Colin figuring out his issues, that carriage scene... ooff, all really, really good. The second half - there just needed to be more. At first, it was hard to watch them go through a wedding while being mad at each other, but I feel like now that I've had time to digest it all, it is /so/ good. It's a really, really fascinating dynamic going on there. I could and probably will go on at length about it later... a couple of things, though

They just needed more. The plot was so delicious. I did love the conflict over lady whistledown and I wish we had seen that tension played out better and resolved better. The end of episode 8 was a bit to fast. I swear - Season 4 better have some solidly good Polin moments or idek... They've been such a big part of the show as a whole, I hope they get to continue their development, even if it they go back to their Seasons 1 and 2 focus.

The season works better if you remember what happened in seasons 1 and 2. I had zero memory of the plots from the first two seasons going in. I didn't realize Colin's personality had changed. I couldn't remember any of the Polin moments in the first two seasons. This third season makes a whole lot more sense being built from what came before it, and honestly, I kind of love that. It makes the story more layered and engaging.

As for the insta-baby, I mean, they set it up at the beginning of the season, but it wasn't something I needed to enjoy the couple. I do wonder if they'll go back and explore that 9 months, or if things will pick up after post-baby.

Also, on perhaps a shallower note? I thought the actors had great chemistry. And I have so much respect for Nicola Coughlin for allowing herself to be presented in such a way. She is GORGEOUS in every aspect and the backlash over her body is ABSURD. If you can’t get on board that a larger woman can be seen as desirable than you can fuck right off because she is amazing.

Poor Luke Newton has gotten some push back, too, which I think is a little unfair. He's not expressive the way Jonny Bailey is, but Colin really isn't Anthony, and is much more an inward character. And the awkwardness of his attempt at rake-ishness in the beginning is supposed to be awkward. Colin isn't smoldering like the Duke from Season 1, either. He's a sweet, romantic kid who adores his bff-turned-wife, and the whole season (I mean, can we talk about the all the mirrors?) is about cutting through the bullshit we do to try to mask who we really are.

The thing about Luke Newton that I really appreciate is that he really understands who his character is and keeps that front and center. Colin is trying to be something he's not, and the real Colin slips out unintendedly, and that kind of subtly is hard to play.

The absolute best moments were when they laughed together - they both really shine when Pen and Colin are allowed to be the sweet friends they've been all along.

Anyway tl:dr - loved their relationship, and my heart will just be broken if we don't get more good development as the seasons continue.

Penelope and Eloise: The fact that this relationship was angled as another romance per se was also delicious. As I said above - Pen and Eloise were probably my favorite dynamic pre-Polin and it was devastating to watch them work their relationship out. But again, it was all so delicious. I loved it and thought it was perfect.

The Featheringtons: I LOVED THEM! They were perfection. I love that they leaned into some really good comedy with the sisters. Not only were they able to show off Nicola's excellent comedic skills, the family as a whole was just a whole delight. I loved the sisters. I loved their husbands. I even liked Portia - and, honestly, I wasn't a huge fan of her in earlier seasons. I loved that they linked Pen and Portia, it really made them seem like mother and daughter.

Colin and his family: There were some fascinating dynamics!

Colin and Eloise: yes, the third part of the platonic love triangle I loved their dynamic during the season. Eloise never really knowing how to handle Colin. The fact that they're close and yet awkwardly so. The fact that they both care so much about Pen in different ways and how LW just hangs over both dynamics. Ooff, so good.

Colin and Anthony & Benedict (and let's throw George in here, too): Love it. Wish there had been more. The brothers are hilarious and wonderful together and just I ate it all up with a spoon. Also, as an aside, I love that George is slowly coming into focus. The kid is adorable.

Colin and Francesca (and let's throw Hyacinth in here, too): Hilariously, Colin and Francesca speak zero times to each other during the whole season. Isn't that weird? Really, their plot lines do not intersect except tangentially for family moments. It's so weird. I feel like I have no sense of this dynamic. As for Hyacinth - I adore her, and I feel like she has more personality than Francesca :P

Colin and Violet: I kind of loved this. She's a mother who understands her kids. And even though Violet wasn't around that much for the A-Plot, I like what role she did have to play in getting Colin to act.

Alright, so the rest of the subplots... It did feel like an abundance of them, but was there really more than previous seasons? Or was it the fact that Pen and Colin usually were subplots, and now that they're the main focus, everything else kind of shifts awkwardly around them?

Anthony and Kate: I love them to pieces, and wish there had been more of them. Their dynamic remains sexy and smart. Kate remains one of the best characters on the show, and is such an intelligent woman. I'm so glad she had wonderful, insightful conversations with her new family. I really would have loved to have had a Kate and Penelope scene. Also, the India thing was awkward - I lol'd because it clearly was written as an 'out' for the couple. But it's ultimately fine. But yes - bring back Kanthony in future seasons. I really don't care how much Jonathan Bailey is doing other things.

Cressida Cowper: I thought she was a fantastic villain, and the fact that she was so wrapped up with Eloise was kind of delicious. I don't think they needed to linger on her private life as much as they did. But I was fascinated that there seemed to be some queer coding in there, and wondered, for a bit if she was going to be a lesbian. I also think her ending was a little weak and she just kind of scampered off without any reprieve. I do wonder if she'll be back, tbh.

Francesca: Oof. It was intriguing on first watch but I find it incredibly dragging on subsequent watches and have a tendency to skip over it. I think this is the one plot line that really could have been cut down. I understand that it's set up but it was kind of meh for me. However, I am totally fine with her love interest being changed to a woman. Let's do this bisexuals! Speaking of which...

Benedict: My god, it felt like the show doesn't know what to do with him - and I am hoping Season 4 is his, because they NEED to do something with Benedict. So, to be clear, I LOVE that they made him bisexual. But the woman he was with was so boring, and I just did not care - because I knew it ultimately wasn't going to go anywhere. And, what was with the never ending orgy? Did we really need to cut back to it ten times? Please, show, give Benedict something interesting to do.

The Mondriches: Look, I feel bad saying it, but these people ultimately served no purpose to the show and could have been lifted right out. I'm sure the actors are lovely but if they're not going to directly service the story, then why are we wasting our time? Though, at least they really aren't the ones taking up the most time.

The Queen: They could have played up the rivalry between her and LW a lot more, and they just didn't. It felt... a little anticlimactic. Also, now what do they do with her as a character? Meh.

Violet and Lady Danbury's brother: I just don't care. I get it. I get that Violet should have something to do outside her children. But there are already a million plots, and not everyone needs to have their own individual story. By the time they threaded this in around episode 3 it did feel like too much.

Did I miss anything?

So... that's how I felt on everything. I have seen commentary about the pushback on Season 3. There are some things I agree about and a lot I don't.

About the actors: I disagree, Nicola and Luke are a delight, and they don't deserve the pushback they've been getting.

About the subplots: It is too many, and I do think they should have either made the season longer, or cut a few things.

About Polin not being as steamy: I think Daphne and Simon's soft core porn-a-thon set an expectation that doesn't necessarily work when you're going for other tropes. I did like the steamy scenes we got (though the last one should have been longer -- we better get some happy sex in season 4 or I will be annoyed) but Polin doesn't have the same dynamic as (what is their shipper name??) Daphne/Simon. We were never going to get the porn-a-thon.

Kanthany didn't either in Season 2, I don't know what to tell people. I appreciate that they're servicing the story they're telling and not just relying on sex. But, I will say, it is still the romance genre, based on books that do feature a lot of sex, so I can understand disappointment in some respects. There is a reason people watch these things, and when it's not met, it can be frustrating.

Idk, what else are people bitching about? (that's rhetorical) I think two years is too long a wait for a show like this. And the anthology aspect of it can make it hard when the focus shifts. People adored Anthony and Kate and to shift it to a very different type of love story can feel jarring, especially, I think if you've spent the past two years digesting what we've already had.

And then there are some people who are just never happy.

And I mean, I already feel a little 'meh' about Season 4. (It'll be Benedicts, there are so many hints...) I'll continue to watch, but I am incredibly sad that this was the year my favorites got to shine. My only hope is that Pen and Colin continue to occupy a space in the story... lord help us, though, in that it doesn't take another ten years to finish...

So.... them my thoughts! I'm sure I'll have more of them as I settle into this bright new world.

Omg, how cute are they????

[jenyifer]

Book List Time!!!

And with that I have 10 give or take books to discuss. Now I’m up to over 30 books since May woooo telling tumblr about each one has been a great motivator so I hope my reviews and list help people out in a non spoiler fun way. Gonna rank these in order I want to reread them.

1. Green Creek the series by TJ Klune 🏳️‍🌈🐺🌶️🌲 Wolfsong Ravensong Heartsong Brothersong I am obsessed. Literally read all four books in 3 days. I have bought physical copies and marked them up. Will make you cry, laugh, and stay in your heart forever. Just……. Go read it. But the quick synopsis is Powerful Humans Wolves Witches have to pay for the sins of their fathers over and over again while maintaining their found family and finding their true soulmates. There is Ace Lesbian non binary rep in here as well.

2. The Warden by Daniel Ford🏳️‍🌈 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🧙‍♀️❄️🪦truly a fantasy masterpiece the romance isn’t the focus but it’s fucking good. First sapphic book to get a 10/10 for me. About a witch(with a magic system that is interesting surprising) growing up and finding herself a family without sacrificing who she is. I loved her and at first you think ehhh is this going to be boring no definitely not. Was surprising made me laugh and cry. Can’t wait for part 2 cause more of the hot gf in there I hope.

3. A Taste of Gold and Iron by Alexandra Rowland🏳️‍🌈👑⚔️🌶️🌶️ I listened to this book two times in a row I enjoyed it so much. It’s a bodyguard and prince story. The prince’s depiction of depression anxiety panic attacks was so real. The bodyguard is very endearing. The themes of family are strong and interesting. The mystery was easy to solve but I found it rewarding because I wanted the prince to win so badly haha.

4. Spindle Splintered by Alix E Harrow🏳️‍🌈👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👸🏼🥀😢

Short story about a dying girl who has a special interest in sleeping beauty. It does have a…. Debatably Sad ending. I did enjoy it for what it was trying to talk about. I lost a friend when she was too young. I’m glad I read it.

5. Scumbag Villains Self-Saving System series by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu 🏳️‍🌈🚩⚔️😈🕊️🤓🌶️? I’m putting it up this high because besides that scene in chapter 21 that slapped me in the brain I really enjoyed the series. Only Danmei I HAD TO GET THE REST OF THE SERIES IMMEDIATELY Hell I’ve even now written fan fic for the side ship. About a Nerd being put into his favorite love to hate stallion novel (story about a hero who fucks his way to success) but he’s in there as the abusive villain who the hero is destined to kill. The nerd has to save himself and unintentionally builds himself a harem featuring the most red flag the hero who so sololy motivated by the nerd. It’s great easy to read very fun. But 🌶️ scene in book 3 is a definite skip and delete from memory.

6. Case File Compendium Vol 1 by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou 🏳️‍🌈? 😈🚩🩸🕵️🥼

I did just finish reading this so maybe I’m bias but I really did find it a book I couldn’t put down. I even brought it with me to work to read a chapter during my lunch breaks. Main characters are heavy in their homophobic lifestyles but they kiss and protect each other? True crime and mentally ill characters. MC is has a fatal mental illness that makes him unstable and MIL was his former private doctor. MC is trying to date MIL’s little sister. While getting up to shenanigans they stumble into a corrupt hospital and evil forces are maybe after them?! Idk its exciting fun to read but only if you like 🚩’s

7. The Disabled Tyrant’s Beloved Pet Fish Vol 1 by Xue Shan Fei Hu 🏳️‍🌈🐟👑🎨🖼️ I did genuinely laugh my ass off during reading this book. It was incredibly easy to read I think I finished it in 4 hours. Very cute. I love the inside and outside art. About a nonverbal Prince who has anger issues and his crush on the modern man who is trapped within an ugly little fish. Now yes the Prince is becomes actively in love with the fish. Lucky for us we are stuck in the man who is trapped as the fish’s pov and he is genuinely just trying to get back to his world by obeying the powers that be System’s prompts to go home. Fish is not trying to seduce the Prince or anything. It’s just funny I had a great time with vol 1 probably will read vol 2.

8. So Let Them Burn by Kamilah Cole 🏳️‍🌈👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨🐉🏝️ while having dragons and diverse cast it ultimately falls short of expectations wishing for more depth and clarity. The asexual spectrum representation feels muddled and Jamaican inspired cultural elements are unexplored which is at odds with its rich backdrop that could have enhanced the story. The story’s mystery element lacked cohesion resulting in a frustrating bittersweet ending that suggests a sequel and left me unsatisfied. I won’t read the next book. Won’t suggest it.

9. Faithless Book2 by C L Clark 🏳️‍🌈🚩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩⚔️👑😩 a big let down from book 1 but I’m locked in for life I guess. Luca is back in France navigating a way to get the crown. While Touraine shows up with a priest and Teen to some how get food for her people. Most of the plot feels useless both MC characters are stupid and do no growing. The new teen character was interesting. I disliked the poly romance I didn’t particularly feel comfortable about Touraine and Luca why not add another person in what could go wrong? Luca’s reign as Queen looks to be very bad and you will feel extremely disappointed at the end. I’m going to read the next book but only because I like the characters who didn’t go to France.

10. Self-Made Boys by Anna-Marie McLemore.

I read 90% of this book and I regret it. It’s a trans characters as the leads gay retelling of the great gatsby. I was truly excited to read it I’ve read The Great Gatsby many times. However this book just laughs at the source material. I’m tempted to say maybe the Chat GPT’d the plot and didn’t ask for any over arching themes in the book. I couldn’t do it I’m gonna have to find a better trans representation book in my next set of ten.

DNF’s

Last Night at the Telegraph Club, The Once and Future witches, Gearbreakers, the emperor and the endless palace.

[wingboundwarrior]

TOA Anniversary Munday

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don’t reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

Happy anniversary, TOA! Here’s to many more years spent together.

Name: Serena

Pronouns: she/hers

Birthday (no year): February 3rd

Where are you from? What is your time zone? US, EST!

How long is your roleplay experience? I’ve been roleplaying as long as I can remember... I have vivid memories of creating characters with my friends as a small child and pretending to be them. From there, I moved to forums, paper and pencil RP, texting and email RP, and the like! I’ve been roleplaying on Tumblr specifically for over 10 years.

How were you introduced to roleplaying as a whole? I think it really just came naturally to me and my few friends as a kid, haha! My first forum was a Harry Potter one as a child... and then I got into Tumblr RP with my introduction to Star Trek!

How were you introduced to TOA? I found TOA while in the “fe rp” tag, as they’re really frequent in there!

Do you have any pets? I have two cats, a 4 year old gray cat named Jasper, and a less than a year old black cat named Jacinth! They don’t get along 💖

What is your favorite time of year and why? (Season, holiday, general period) Winter by far! I grew up in a humid environment, and I find the colder weather and environment so magical! Even though I’ve moved, I still do 💖

What is your IRL occupation? I’m disabled!

Some interests and things you like/enjoy? I love crocheting, playing farming sims, and watching anime!

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? Fields of Mistria is my favorite game rn!! I’m also a sucker for a game I’ve been playing since I was young called Mabinogi! But a good rule of thumb is, if it’s a farming sim available on the computer I’ve heard of it and have an opinion on it.

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: I never really got too much into Pokemon buuuuut my favorite TemTem is Vulffy 💖

Tell us some fun facts and trivia about yourself!

How did you get into Fire Emblem? I met Havoc in another roleplay space and when we moved away from that space I wrote with his Fire Emblem characters, and then I was curious about the source material, so!

What Fire Emblem games have you played? FE7 and a little tiny bit of Three Houses! 👍

First & Favorite Fire Emblem games: FE7 for both JKLFAJKL

List your 5 favorite Fire Emblem characters across the series! Ohhhhh I mean. Definitely Serra and Fiora but also Florina? And Erk? And Heath? And... ohhhh tbh it’s so hard. They’re all so good.

Who was the first character ever to make you go “ooh I like this one in particular” and why? Can be any context and reason! The first time Serra opened her mouth she had reached through the screen and grabbed me by the throat.

Any Fire Emblem crushes? I’d marry Eliwood tbqh....

If you’ve played (or are familiar with) the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays? Wheezes.... I haven’t.... ever gotten that far :softsmile:.....

Favorite Fire Emblem class? I actually love Mages sooooo bad.... But I do rely on my Cavs for. Everything ,

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class and stats? Would you be playable? I’d be a healer!!! Probably a mounted healer actually!!!

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? (Black Eagles, Blue Lions, Golden Deer, Church of Seiros, Those Who Slither in the Dark, unaffiliated civilian, other - for example Almyran) Probably Church of Seiros!!

If you were an Officers Academy student, what would be your boons, banes and potential budding talent? Boons: Faith Banes: Everything else 😅 Budding Talent: Maybe Reason?.... ha ha.... Deep down I want it to be Bows, though

If you were an Engage character, which nation would you originate from? (Firene, the Kingdom of Abundance; Brodia, the Kingdom of Might; Elusia, the Kingdom of Knowledge; Solm, the Queendom of Freedom; Lythos, the holy land of the Divine Dragon; Gradlon, the desolate land of the Fell Dragon) I really have no clue but I’ll say Lythos for fun 🙏

How do you pronounce TOA? 🤔(separate letters, to-ah, other?) Separate letters!

Current TOA muses: Fiora and Serra!

Past TOA muses? I wrote Limstella for about seven seconds but actually still muse them in another server!

Who was your first TOA muse? If you no longer have them, can you see yourself picking them up again? Serra! Yes, I still got her!

Do you believe you have a type of character you gravitate towards writing? YES I write Sunshine Girls or Melancholic Girls. Sometimes both at once. 🙏

Do you have characters or types of characters you don’t think you can handle writing, but wish you could? Honestly not really, I think I could figure out how to write other muses but these are the ones I enjoy most!

What kind of scenes, situations etc do you believe you enjoy writing the most? (If you filled this out last year, has this changed in any way?) I really love delving into emotionally or physically charged things... I’m a little angst demon.... I really want our characters to feel and feel deeply....

Do you have any scenario in mind for your muse(s) that gets you thinking “man I hope I get to write this one day”? For Fiora, I hope to confront her feelings of failure and sorrow over her losses. I want her to be called out!!!! For the self-sacrificial shit she does!!!! I want her to be honest and emotionally vulnerable!!!

Favorite TOA-related memories? I feel like every thread I write is my new favorite thread 🫶

Present or past tense? Present tense recently, honestly!

Normal size text, small text, no preference? I actually like small text the most but I’ll do anything!!

Got any potential muse delusions to share? 😉 Nope! I’m happy. 😌

[justices-blade]

☆ did someone say anniversary munday

from neffi!! thank you :D

celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

repost, don't reblog. only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

happy anniversary, TOA! here's to many more years spent together.

name: leo

pronouns: he/him

birthday: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

where are you from? what is your time zone? the states, but im in europe now and i aint plannin to leave, baybey. CEST!

how long is your roleplay experience? uhhh 13 years of which 11 were on tumblr. the passage of time is horrifying

how were you introduced to roleplaying as a whole? deviantart sonic oc self inserts. dont say anything

how were you introduced to TOA? im an avid skimmer of the tellius tag on tumblr and saw toa crop up a few times in the past but the concept of fodlan as a setting fundamentally scared me for a good while because it was the only fe game i wasnt even remotely familiar with. then one winter holiday in 2022 i saw neffis leonardo crop up in the tag and i was like lmfao it would be fucking hilarious if i started writing edward again right and then i blacked out for the next 12 hours and suddenly im here.

do you have any pets? nope. i do want a rat a spider or a snake though. maybe a toad even

what is your favorite time of year and why? autumn... its the cusp of summer and autum weather rn actually and im freaking thriving

what is your IRL occupation? graphic design student (help)

some interests and things you like/enjoy? gaming and writing are the no-brainers, but i also love dnd, drawing and making cosplay. despite being easily scared i also really like horror. also frogs are eternal i love frogs forever and ever

what non-fire emblem games do you play? currently it's mostly warframe, elden ring and arknights with some enstars on the side HAHA maybe xiv'll suck me back in soon < his ass still hasnt played dawntrail

favorite pokemon type & pokemon: favorite type is ghost, but the charcadet line has RICOCHETED to the top of my favorite pokemon list over spiritombs throne LMFAO

tell us some funfacts and trivia about yourself! i once wrote a poem based off of haurchefant greystone of ffxiv fame for korean school because i could not fucking think of anything else and i won a fucking award (minor) for a competition i didnt even know i was getting myself into????

i also inject frogs into any art assignments that i really dont want to do so i find the motivation to do them lmfao

how did you get into fire emblem? smash bros brawl baybey. i watched my friend play awakening for a bit but i only owned a wii (region locked. american. we were in europe) so i crawled to my dad all sopping wet and pathetic to ask if he could pretty please buy me por while he was on a business trip to i think LA. he brought back rd instead.

what fire emblem games have you played? hilariously exactly the same amount as last time (sorry) (gba, tellius, 3ds, engage)

first & favorite fire emblem games: radiant dawn all the way babyyyy

list your 5 favorite fire emblem characters across the series! chad leonardo edward limstella micaiah. yep

who was the first character ever to make you go “ooh I like this one in particular” and why? can be any context and reason! leonardo showed his pretty face on the screen when i was 14 and it was over for me

any fire emblem crushes? 😳leonardo showed his pretty face on the screen when i was 14 and it was over for me.

jokes aside im not sure i do crushes but if we're talking about current i think pandreo applies

if you’ve played (or are familiar with) the following games, who was your first s support? who would you s support nowadays? - awakening: stahl or miriel - fates: hinata... or beruka - three houses: jeritza probably i am going to be so real - engage: pandreo.

favorite fire emblem class? are thieves meant to be a gimmick/utility class. yes. do i care? BOY OH BOY. rogue my beloved... (also i inevitably end up doting on at least one archer and anima mage)

if you were a fire emblem character, what would be your class and stats? would you be playable? weirdly magic-heavy thief i think. playable only if he likes your vibes. probably have to recruit him like cath. i'm not even that good i'm best used for meteor/bolting/bersesrk etc bait

if you were a three houses character, what would be your affiliation? golden deer!

if you were an officers academy student, what would be your boons, banes and potential budding talent? boon in faith+axe, bane in riding+heavy armor, hidden talent in authority. no it does not mean i want to be in charge. but alas im reasonably good at it.

if you were an engage character, which nation would you originate from? i thought on elusia for a while but honestly i think its firene for me. i will never say no to citrus.

how do you pronounce TOA? 🤔toe-ah...

current TOA muses: edward, chad, denning

past TOA muses? its just been these three so far baybey

who was your first TOA muse? if you no longer have them, can you see yourself picking them up again? [gripping edward really hard as i hold him out towards the camera] this boy has lived in my brain rent fucking free for 11 years he is a vital part of my deciding whether i get fries with my burger order atp

do you believe you have a type of character you gravitate towards writing? reiterating this from the last time i filled this out: little guys and pensive freaks. i also fundamentally like characters who experience internal conflict of interests between their morality and their loyalty/duty/other social trappings. its tasty!

do you have characters or types of characters you don’t think you can handle writing, but wish you could? i love digging deep into lore and piecing it together even if its not immediately evident and a bit fragmented (its the soulsborne enjoyer in me). BUT if i need to do this for a main or major character with a bajillion dialogue and context clues strewn across three playthroughs of a game and i could easily overlook things i would be a little too scared of getting soemthing wrong. "oh x loves orange juice" "WRONG x said as a one off in the middle of this heavy story segment that he hates orange juice and prefers strawberry milk actually" i would fucking die. i would die

what kind of scenes, situations etc do you believe you enjoy writing the most? UNRELIABLE NARRATION. shit you look at and go "hm that aint whats going on rn at all". love that shit. i try to not overuse it but i love when it becomes more evident midway through a scene. good stuff. i also love writing impulsive stupid responses and vividly descriptive scenes, but also i love writing affection and devotion in general, even if exceptionally gooey and cavity-inducing, even if ill-advised and misplaced. there's so much more i can add here but i love writing i love writing with people i love writing with y'all. love and peace.

and violence. i used to be scared of fight scenes but now i love thinking in those milliseconds between the violence. flurries and slurries of blood. can i rip more shit apart pretty please

do you have any scenario in mind for your muse(s) that gets you thinking “man i hope i get to write this one day”? [stuffs my fist in my mouth and screams]

incredibly loosely speaking. i want edward to realise he's been a bit fucked up actually and have to sit in that thought instead of shrugging past it as usual. i want chad to sit with someone and just connect with them so they don't feel as alone (yes this has happened i just love when this happens). i want denning to forcibly feel an emotion, and whether they get better or worse from it might depend entirely on their company.

favorite TOA-related memories? sorry that i keep bringing up edwards 37.5 damage astra during the final fight of apollyon ouranos i just can't stop thinking about it. that's so much fucking damage. that said i loved banding together against the impossible and FUCKING WINNING

present or past tense? uhhh present < just had to go back to check

normal size text, small text, no preference? normal size is a bit easier for me to read, but i have no real preference

got any potential muse delusions to share? 😉 either you know my delusions or you don't . at any rate i don't think my rosters going to move anytime soon

[deathsdue]

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing! Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together. template credit: thanks neffi!!

Name: Lailah

Pronouns: She/Her, They/Them

Birthday (no year): 9/12

Where are you from? What is your time zone? West Coast, USA

How long is your roleplay experience? Almost 20 years

How were you introduced to roleplaying as a whole? My first RP experience was in high school where we had a binder we passed around in the hallway between class lol I went on to forums, docs, email, mmos, and at some point tumblr and discord.

How were you introduced to TOA? I'd been missing the Tumblr RP experience and decided to search for an FE group and bam

Do you have any pets? I do! My black kitty, my baby boy who drools and meows a lot, Binx

What is your favorite time of year and why? Autumn when it's cooler but not too freezing and the leaves are pretty

What is your IRL occupation? QA tester for a video game company

Some interests and things you like/enjoy? Besides writing, playing games, reading, occasionally drawing, music, comics, collecting figures and such

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? Tales of, Mass Effect, Dragon Age, Final Fantasy, Resident Evil, Zelda, Fallout, Elder Scrolls, Persona, Harvest Moon, farm sims in general, Metal Gear Solid, the list honestly just goes on and on and on

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon? ahahaha ok the list doesn't actually go that far. I didn't get that into pokemon. I do think they're cute but I just didn't get into the franchise. That said, I have plushies of chimchar, vulpix, and eevee so that probably says something

Tell us some funfacts and trivia about yourself! - When I worked at a dental office, I almost set the place on fire. The dentist was really nice about it tho and eventually he even wanted me to stay and get trained as a dental assistant - I have a low spicy tolerance but I'm really good with cajun spices (likely from growing up in Texas) - I'm in the credits of games that you've heard about (I won't say what) - I have a horrible sense of smell

How did you get into Fire Emblem? My friend was actually really into PoR but I didn't get into it until Awakening came out.

What Fire Emblem games have you played? (Note: I have not beaten all of these) Genealogy, Sacred Stones, Awakening, Fates, Three Houses, Engage, TMS, Heroes

First & Favorite Fire Emblem games? Awakening & Sacred Stones

List your 5 favorite Fire Emblem characters across the series! Frederick, Eirika, Ephraim, Gerome, Seteth

Who was the first character ever to make you go “ooh I like this one in particular” and why? Can be any context and reason! Frederick lol I'm such a Frederick simp. I love how caring and protective he is, that he knits, isn't afraid of showing affection, just generally wholesome imo

Any Fire Emblem crushes? 😳 Frederick 😳

If you’ve played (or are familiar with) the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays? - Awakening: Frederick (are you noticing a trend) and still Frederick - Fates: Yukimura, but probably Shura if I did it again - Three Houses: Hanneman haha I'd try a different one if I went back but Hanneman is my favorite - Engage: Mauvier, and still him

Favorite Fire Emblem class? rogues!

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class and stats? Would you be playable? Some kind of archer probably

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? Golden Deer all the way!

If you were an Officers Academy student, what would be your boons, banes and potential budding talent?

If you were an Engage character, which nation would you originate from? Firene probably

How do you pronounce TOA? To-ah

Current TOA muses? Gerome & Mikoto!

Past TOA muses? none right now

Who was your first TOA muse? Best boy Gerome

Do you believe you have a type of character you gravitate towards writing? It seems like…tsundere types tend to get me, or the ones that have lived a long time and have complicated pasts. but I have others that don't fit those trends too

Do you have characters or types of characters you don’t think you can handle writing, but wish you could? tbh my indie has a wide range of character types and I try to not write characters that are too similar. However, I guess I tend to not write types that are Too extroverted

What kind of scenes, situations etc do you believe you enjoy writing the most? I enjoy all types but I suppose very emotional scenes are fun for me, whether it's angst or positive emotions

Do you have any scenario in mind for your muse(s) that gets you thinking “man I hope I get to write this one day”? for Mikoto, I just want to write her with her children and also, tbh, finding a new love haha I'm in no rush for it but it'd fun if it happened. I'd also love to see her on the battlefield protecting others

Favorite TOA-related memories? Happyland was a blast to write with everyone and I adore the connections it brought so much. I can't wait to throw Mikoto into an event, she deserves it

Present or past tense? I think my habit is past but I try to match others so I go for present. if you see my flipping tenses I'm so sorry haha

Normal size text, small text, no preference? I default to small text but I'll match my writing partner, or use regular in case I'm concerned about readability for others

Got any potential muse delusions to share? 😉  ahahaha uhmmmmm if I can, Eirika, but if not then probably Peony or maybe even Rhys or Mozu. I write so many FE characters that I will never run out of ones to pick lol I've also written all of these characters at some point so I love to see how others write them too

[thousand-winters]

I hope YOU'RE doing well pal! 💖💖💖 I'd love to hear your Laios and Hooty thoughts

Actually now I'm thinking about them interacting and how cursed it'd be haha

I am today!!! It has been a good day for once haha. I hope you're having a good day today, and that your cats are doing good!!!

Oh, my gods, I can't decide if they would get along like a house on fire or if somebody would end up dead ahahaha. Or if Laios would consider Hooty looks stupid considering his reaction to Marcille's sky fish lmao 😭 I'm sorry, Hooty, you technically ARE a worm.

Okay, getting into it now, starting with Laios:

How I feel about this character

I love him!!! He ended up not being my favorite because I adore Marcille with my whole heart but he's such a good main character, honestly. I wasn't thinking too much about it when I started watching, I was just having fun and I think it showed already that he wasn't just a silly character or anything, but man... the moments he got the most serious, he had me in shambles haha.

I enjoy him very much, it's really cool to see the ripples in his relationship with both monsters and humans. There's so much to him that I'm yet to see too and I'm looking forward to it, he's definitely not the kind of main character you're kinda sick of and want to leave already haha.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I have been swayed to the Labru side, finally, haha. I think they have a fascinating dynamic and while I certainly haven't seen everything they have to offer, the push and pull there makes it very compelling. Plus I'm not immune to cool fanart and funny posts, not gonna lie, but the main reason is that they seem to have a very compelling dynamic, not exactly direct or straightforward in its development and that really has me dying to see more.

I have been seeing Lashuro recently too and ngl, I've been going 👀 at that too. I remember I had talked with my friend Isis about how it was sort of funny that the Toudens do have very similar traits when it comes to how they view the world sometimes and yet Toshiro finds one annoying and the other charming. Probably in part a mix of attitude and gender, I'm not sure. Although in all fairness they seemed to be pretty at peace at the end so... I think it can be fun.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Marcille!!! Oh, they have so many good scenes with one another, they have such a fun dynamic, I love how much Laios trusts Marcille despite also knowing she can do shit like pour boiling water on an Undyne lmao.

In general they're very fun, the mix of them bickering but very obviously valuing each other's opinions and caring about one another is really good. Also I think it was you who said once they had siblings in lae energy and I can't unsee it ever since, they really do haha.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I haven't seen this much around tumblr or such, and I know the Dunmeshi Spanish fandom has the worst takes known to mankind but man, he's not dumb, come on now.

I doubt this is really unpopular and I especially need to actually read the full manga to understand his character more, probably, so I don't have too many complex opinions about him but... I feel like it's somewhat common to see him depicted as stupid but he's such a smart character, actually? He doesn't have to be the tropey nerd character to be smart, he has been shown to be very perceptive, even if he might be lacking on that department when it comes to social matters.

I just think writing him off as just being clueless and dumb is doing a big disservice to his character. He does have his struggles when it comes to general awareness and specific types of it but he's far from dumb.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I truly cannot speak on this one since I'm not done with the manga, haha. I have been spoiled a bit by some really cool fanart and animatics, I'm not gonna lie, so I have the gist of some big things that are coming but since I have the idea and not the actual development of it, I don't feel like I can speak on any of it, nor do I have any concrete ideas there anyway.

So far I'm pretty content with everything I have seen, both anime and manga wise.

And now onto Hooty:

How I feel about this character

I love him. I get why he annoys a lot of people in and out of universe, he's one of those silly cartoon characters that's not supposed to be super deep (although what's up with Papa Titan having a Hooty in his eye? I still need answers about that), but I like that he's always sweet and loves his people even if they're mean to him. I'm so happy Lilith came along and started appreciating him, it's what he deserves!

I think he's fun in general. I definitely would love to think more about the deeper implications about his existence, how did he even meet Eda and all about that, but I have to admit I don't think enough about him most of the time to even have ideas in that department. He's just silly and I appreciate that.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

None, this is how you get the cursed image of Hootlets. Does anybody wants Hootlets? This is how we get them.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

LILITH!!! Their friendship makes me SO happy, they're adorable. I definitely didn't see that one coming but I like how they ended lowkey balancing each other with Hooty reminding Lilith to care for herself and that she should depend on others and Lilith remarking upon Hooty's own worth to the point he's not seeking attention desperately anymore after they become friends because he's far more content with his friendship. It might have been more about how the writing around him changed too, but I liked to think the fact they became friends also helped the rest of the Owl Fam to soften around him and appreciate him more.

I love that in the end Hooty is living his best life just going around with Lilith.

My unpopular opinion about this character

He's not THAT annoying except in the Spanish dub. And I'm saying this as a chronic "obnoxious cartoon mascot hater" haha. Hooty is obviously supposed to be a little much but I don't think it ever goes to the point in which you actually want to strangle him or wish he wasn't even in the show in the first place.

At least that's what the experience was for me, I'm aware opinions differ but I think Hooty is pretty fine as he is, honestly.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Going back to that thing with Papa Titan and the Hooty eye... hey, what was that? Can we go back to that real quick? I really wish we had found out what was the connection between titans and... whatever Hooty is. I know Dana said at some point a specific youtuber had made the right theory but I could never figure out who was it and what did they say haha.

Anyway, yeah, I wish they had gotten into that. It would be Hooty AND titan lore all in one.

Thank you for the ask!!! From this ask game

[gin-juice-tonic]

Hey Gin this might be a silly thing to ask, but how did you realize you were trans? Cause ever since I saw your trans Stan and Ford I think I had some sort of relivation, it started with just really enjoying the art you drew to me feeling some sort of envy. Either that I want to dress more masculine or that I actually want to be a man, cause honestly when I look at your trans stans I just feel so much gender envy (jealousy?) And on my last period I had a whole crying fit over it starting, which has never happened before. I just don't know if this is actually what I'm feeling or if it isn't. I've had thoughts of telling my mom and fearing the consequence. This is just all so new and I'm honestly scared. I figured I'd ask you since I look up to you and from what I've seen you are quite wise. I don't really know why I have so much self doubt and constantly flip flop over things. It's frustrating, I just wish I could be certain about something for once. Sorry about this, I'm a mess really.

It’s not silly to ask. My answer is unfortunately a little silly, because I’m a goober. I also typed A LOT so its all going under a read more

So, I was 16 and on tumblr even more than I am now, and I was (still am) friends with a trans woman who reblogged a post that was like “Just trans girl things: eating dark chocolate because it has substances similar to estrogen” and I went “Haha i guess I should stop eating it.” followed by “…why do I feel that way” and THAT was followed by quite the crisis.

Trans men weren’t as well known about back then, so I was like “Well, it means nothing, since only women can be trans”. And then I found out men could be trans too and that pushed my crisis further along. And I started to think. About how I liked when people defaulted to male pronouns for me on the internet, or how when i was a kid I would use a crazy amount of shampoo to make my hair look short and flatten my chest in front of the mirror and look at it. Things like that. And I got upset because “no i can’t be trans that’s impossible”. I would google things like “how do you know if you’re trans”, “quiz to see if you’re trans”, ect.

But the idea of being seen as a man was exciting. It was tantalizingly exciting. And I knew it could be possibility for me someday, and I knew that made a part of me happy and I couldn’t un-know it.

Final straw was a nonbinary person I had been following made a post about how they were going to start taking testosterone. And instead of feeling happy for them I just got mad and started sobbing to myself. Because I was so extremely jealous. So jealousy absolutely has its place in figuring things out.

You should think. Think about attaining the things you’re envious about. Does this make you happy? It’s okay if it’s upsetting or scary at the same time. Change often is. But if it makes you happy, excites you, gives you hope for the future, it’s worth thinking more about.

-

You don’t have to jump into telling your mom right away (and I wouldn’t really recommend it till you’re a little more sure of yourself). You can go at whatever pace you want to. I didn’t tell my mom (or anyone in my real life at all) till I was like, 20. And I’d known for 4 years at that point. You’ve sent me a tumblr message, so I’m assuming you’ve got an account here. I’d say asking your friends on this website to address you as male would be a good way to ease into things. And you can see if you like that or not.

For how you dress, again, you can ease into it. Personally it made me happy to dress in athletic clothing (especially tank tops- to show off my non existent guns), or to dress like a greaser (Though I preferred a black t shirt to a white one), or a golfer. None of those things particularly scream ‘man’ but they were man enough to me. You can find things man enough for you. If you want to try out a binder and think you can get one without anyone noticing, my first ever one was a Tri-top from Underworks. They’re like $30 or so. I was able to get away with buying it because I was a cosplay nerd so I just said it was for that.

If you’re the type of person who owns makeup- you could try to find some time alone just to have an experiment of mimicking drag king makeup, or makeup for cosplayers doing male characters. I did that once early on, and while it looked admittedly goofy, it made me ecstatic at the time.

-

Er sorry for things getting so long. But I just want to say lastly that self doubt is both normal and okay. And thinking far in the future (ie- things like coming out to people or hormones or anything like that) might scare you. But you can take things one step at a time if you want to. Play with just looking at clothes, making outfits on pinterest or whatever, imagining scenarios where people address you as male, thinking of names you might like. See what makes you happy, and expand on the things that do from there.

And regardless of what you discover, in the end you will have learned more about yourself. And that's always a good thing.

[prof-peach]

Hi,

I'm making a dnd campaign with a pokemon module of 5e and wanted to use a bit edited version of Dotaku Island, Prof. Peach and the crew cause I like your headcannons and work nice with my idea of the inner workings of the Pokemon world.

Is it okay to use them?

It's a campaign with friends and we're not making any profit from it, but still wanted to ask cause now more than ever artist consent is important (even when nothing about this is goong online so normally people woukdn't ask, but I also wanted to say I've been a huge fan of your work for a long time so two birds with one stone ig).

Either way, thanks for showing your work to us here on tumblr and hope this ask isn't too weird :)

Haha sure go for it, I’m chill with non-profit use, and if you ever do post junk let me know so I can snoop.

Fun notes for anyone who may be inclined to do this: THESE DO NOT NEED TO BE USED NOR FOLLOWED, PICK AND CHOOSE IF YOU PREFER.

North is off limits, no exceptions. Being caught there will get you removed from the island on the first ship back to your original region. You will struggle to return here if found in the north. Patrols line the fences to make sure no one goes in, night and day.

Players will take damage if they try to touch peach in any way. Treat her as a high level monk/Druid, who 1000% will throw hands with u and your Pokemon given a good reason. Cold and distant to approach, pawns players off to other staff at any given opportunity. A hermit who will humour you if you can appeal to her better nature, or great desire to fight things. You may lose but it’s the trying that counts.

Wisdom saves (DC28) with Val if you try to touch her. Not only will you gain force damage if you succeed (half damage) or fail (full damage) to lay hands on her, but you’ll see horrifying illusions for a minute relating to loved ones. Frightened condition until a long rest, compelling you not to approach further. I cannot stress this enough. Penalise players for trying to touch her, peach will bluntly warn you once, after that you’re on your own.

Grey regularly hands out handy snacks that may help heal or buff teams. He is warm and open, a good person to approach for hints and tips. Notably found in his labs or out running errands, he’s always kind and gentle, unless that is you threaten his home or his loved ones in a severe way. He is scarier than peach when he’s pushed too hard.

Plenty of staff roam around to offer aid or information, ranging from gardeners, cleaners, shop staff, and specialist keepers who maintain the visitors sections.

A groomers, cafe, food stands, daycare, small fairground with rides and games, a hotel, lighthouse, port, greenhouses and of course multiple lab and practical spaces exist, amongst other interesting buildings.

The resident ranger can offer assistance but she is known to stay quite busy, and so getting her attention may prove difficult if it’s a trivial issue.

Adoption zones are the only approved areas to catch Pokemon, and even then it’s a process that requires a test and paperwork, so everyone involved is able to provide adequate care to the mons in question, and so they know any pre existing conditions.

The islands purpose is recovery, so human needs come in second. The Pokemon will always come first, a fact some visitors may have issue with. The staff will not care and continue to do their job without concern for this.

Year round events make the island busy and people are welcomed to join in with whatever’s going on, be it chilli cooking contests, fairs, pageants, board rental for the sweet ocean waves, or watching a migration pass by. There’s always something to do!

This is all optional, just have fun with it, and I hope your players enjoy! If they ask about it, redirect them to the blog so they can dive on into the content.

[tierra-paldeana]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN.

what made you pick up the current muse(s) you have?

from the moment i saw rika, i fell in love. basically the same experience everyone else had when they saw her in game - thinking she was a boy, and then having your world rocked the moment you discovered she was a girl hahaha. ever since that day she became a very big source of comfort, as someone who considers herself gnc. matter of fact, rika as a character makes me feel so cozy she raises my self esteem and makes me even prouder to be gnc hahah!

but i also had that instinct of mine of 'what if i take her and make up her backstory and give her trauma'... i waited until the DLCs came out to start developing stuff though.

is there anything you don’t like to write?

anything related to non-con. also sorry but netorare and related topics are also a no. i'm prolly missing stuff but those are the things i hate the most off the top of my head-

is there anything you really enjoy writing?

i love shipping of all kinds (platonic, romantic, familial, etc), i love putting my characters through anguish and angst only to get sweet catharsis and comfort by the end, i love fluff a ton, and also character exploration rps (i'm not sure how to describe it tho-)

how do you come up with headcanons? 

i feel them as i go. sometimes i see something that causes a thought to pop into my head and i write it down. other times i'm simply listening to music or doing something else, i start thinking and connecting dots, sometimes even from canon info from the games, and i start making up theories and stuff- however, other times i come up w a hc that i apply to most of my muses by virtue of me already being biased by other things-

like rika being 10% feral? that's because i'm a fucking furry---

do you write in silence or do you play music? 

i got some playlists and random ambiance videos that i pop in and listen to in the bg, especially if i'm writing something that necessitates a specific mood that i have just the right music for. usually they're not songs (as in, sung, with lyrics) otherwise my brain gets distracted and i can't concentrate.

do you plan your replies or wing them?

i try to plan them, but it depends on how i'm feeling most of the time-

do you enjoy shipping? 

i FUCKING LOVE shipping, as i said earlier-

what’s your alias/name? 

akai!

age?

26

birthday? 

may

favorite color?

orange and blue!

favorite song? 

most songs by owl city, i'mma be honest.

last movie you watched?

alice in wonderland, with a friend who hadn't watched it

last show you watched?

currently watching the pokemon anime!

last song you listened to?

a horse with no name, by america!

favorite food? 

pasta, chicken fillets with pepper sauce...

favorite season?

summer!

do you have a tumblr best friend?

not yet- this blog's still in its infancy, i think haha, and i haven't interacted with anyone outside of @laprimera on discord cause i'm super awkward and don't just give my discord away, despite considering myself an ambivert- i might start giving it out more tho once i can get over myself ><

tagging: feel free to steal this lul

[achubbydumpling]

I'm not sure if you ever finished the fat camp Bucky AU, but I'm curious as to what he and Steve are up to when the next summer rolls around?

Like it's summer again and this would be about the time Bucky would be getting signed up for camp, but… he's certainly outgrown the camp by now, considering how close he was the previous summer. But just how much has he outgrown it? He has def passed 600lbs, ofc, but by how much? Now that he and Steve (assumedly) live together, are they actively fattening Bucky up? If so, he's almost certainly passed 700lbs by now, possibly more

And considering how out of shape he already was, he's only gotten worse, and heavier on top of that, so is he immobile yet? Close to it? How close, close enough that a big part of their dirty talk and foreplay is talking about how fucking fat Bucky got, how just over, what, 3 years? He gained somewhere around 300lbs, how immobility is fast approaching especially since he's so sedantary and only getting bigger?

I'm just curious as to where you were picturing them that following summer and maybe even further ahead than that! Apart of the most recent part of the AU you have posted that's one of my absolute favorite parts of the AU is the shock everyone has when they see just how fat Bucky got over quarantine, so I wonder if that would be a thing after Steve and Bucky move in together?

Oh also! Just had an idea (sorry for the long ask lmao), but what if Steve has to go back this one last summer, but Bucky can't go since he's too big, so he stays home. What if he has a new goal to get as huge as possible and surprise Steve when he gets home? So he starts making weight gain shakes and chugging heavy cream, and with how sedentary he is and all the calories he's consuming, he's hitting somewhere between 25 to 30 lbs per month, and after 3 months of this… there's a noticeable difference. After all, Bucky has gained between 70 and 90 lbs since Steve last saw him!! If he thought he struggled getting around before, he and Steve will be surprised at how much he struggles once Steve gets home!

DID YOU HACK MY TUMBLR DRAFTS?!

haha I'm joking, but that's basically what I imagined for them, we're on the same wave length, nonny

I definitely think they'd move in together, I do think Steve would still work at the camp but I imagine this is the last summer he does. Just so he can focus on his degree fully in the last semesters.

While it's tempting to say Bucky would just keep gaining, I do think 700lbs is probably the upper bounds he gets to. (Which you know is still freaking huge! even if he's what? 6' in (movie) canon)

Also like everyone's weight naturally fluctuates, but Bucky's maybe a bit more? Especially after writing that Greased Watermelon Wrestling prompt, this Bucky has been cemented in my mind as loving summer and that he loves spending time outside during the summer--in a park, on the beach, maybe little walks in the woods. Nothing too far or strenuous, it's about enjoying nature, the outside.

Meeting with friends! He's a social butterfly, he loves to hang out with people. Just chatting over a cool drink and something to snack on :D haha I lowkey have this entire idea of him and why he might've struggled particularly over lockdown and self-soothed/medicated through food?

but anyway let's actually get to that idea at the end, because I love it! him and Steve apart and Bucky decides to gain as much weight as he possibly can, it's a fun challenge, he wants to see how much he can push himself but also what Steve's reaction will be (I mean obv positive haha)

they still talk every day, maybe they have video calls too? imagine Steve going crazy because he's sure Bucky's face is looking rounder, his cheeks look so plump and his double chin has gotten bigger, hasn't it?

but Bucky is super non-commital, says "oh, maybe, I mean I haven't changed anything and I usually drop a few pounds during the summer, so don't be disappointed when you come back" while he can literally feel that he's heavier, his belly feels even more vast, reaching all of it in the shower even with a reach extender (is that the right word?) is a chore and a half but he wants to surprise Steve and it's not like the added struggle isn't hot, but sometimes he just wants to take a damn shower, you know?

anywayyy, I hope you'll enjoy Part 5 of the Fat Camp AU!

[officialgleamstar]

9, 12, 13, 16, 21 (fandom ask game :3)

fandom ask game

hiii sorry i dipped because tumblr is being weird today but im back :3 i already told you that on discord though. hi spainy :]

9. Write a recommendation of someone else's fic you enjoyed!

i know this isnt my mcyt blog but who cares. take my hermitshipping on main, boy. so much for stardust is a must-read for any team zits enjoyer <3 such an interesting take on all of their characters, really fun sci-fi world-building with different alien types and factions, lots of angst and hurt/comfort, its fantastic <3 theres even human experimentation. i need skizzpulse to kiss already. please please ple

12. What's the funniest or craziest AU idea you've ever come up with?

i dont really do many crazy aus nowadays, but by way of being a crossover fic, i would say probably (can you kiss me more?) :D sorry you do not know these characters, spain.

13. What's a character or ship you haven't written/drawn yet but would like to some day?

sorry you dont know these character either, spain. UHHHH hm. i dont know. i write so many things LMAO i think i wanna write more ox blades fic in general, since ive only written lilith and edvard before (that ive posted anyways, lol)!! i dont particularly have like. many ships within that, which is why i struggle to write anything gjbfdjhbgfhjdbjg <- ROMANCEPILLED FANFIC AUTHOR. LAUGH AT THEM. sorry. no genuinely though i wanna write those characters because i love them a lot :]

16. Do people irl know you participate in fandom?

some people do! most of my friends do, and my family knows as well. i dont bring it up at work though haha

21. Go onto your AO3. Which ship have you written for the most? The least? Does this correspond to who you consider your "favourite?"

sorry you dont kn-- jodie/ron and corazón/merilwen are tied, which is really funny because i've been obsessed with rodie for like, almost a year, and i've been obsessed with piratewoods for only a few months XD rodie absolutely is my favorite within dndads, they are in my pinned post for a reason! and piratewoods iiis not my favorite, but they are absolutely my favorite non-polyship, so! yeah, they definitely correspond :]

[visualtaehyun]

9 People You’d Like to Know More

Thank you @telomeke for tagging me :> I can't remember how many years it's been since I last did a tag game on here??

Last song: These days, I mostly just hit shuffle on my Thai playlist so lemme go check my Recently Played.

Ah, of course it would be a NuNew song! If it wasn't already obvious from my blog's design, I am entirely smitten with him and his voice and I think he's the cutest human possibly ever.

Currently watching: There's too many shows currently airing in the Thai QL world and about to get even more...

Be Mine Superstar (Punn is so cringe-fail but I am enjoying this weird little show)

Wedding Plan

Jun & Jun (the only non-Thai one here and I'm still not sure if I'm just watching it because it's on and the episodes are short)

Only Friends

Laws of Attraction (even though I'm notoriously a week behind on new episodes)

Hidden Agenda + Airing soon:

Dangerous Romance

Naughty Babe

Across the Sky (it's a musical, hello!?)

Currently reading: Um. So. There's 3 books that I started within the last 2 years, none of which I've finished yet: Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir; These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong; and The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides, which a friend recommended to me.

Current obsession: Thai language, Thai culture, Thai food, Thai music, Thai shows - yup. Just Thai on the brain 24/7

Tagging: @flowersforvax (I know we're in vastly different fandom spaces but such is tumblr haha) @cytharat @prapaiwife @lurkingteapot @thegalwhorants @maibpenrai Not tagging nine people is cheating, given the name of this tag game, but I'm an awkward bean who doesn't wanna bother complete strangers so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Also, y'all are obviously free to ignore this, maybe you've even done this already

[wrathfulmercy]

4. what genre do you primarily favour? 5. what are your top five fandoms to RP within? 6. what are you top five universes to RP within? 12. what was the first fandom that you roleplayed within? 19. who was the first faceclaim you remember using, who for (canon or original)? 20. what age range do you most enjoy playing? 22. what have you learned by proxy of roleplaying and rp researching? 24. what faceclaim did you start off disliking, that you ended up enjoying or even playing? how did that come about? (non problematic, a personal preference) 25. what faceclaim did you start of loving, and now loathe? (non problematic, a personal preference)

Mun asks from here @wexarethewalkingxdead

4. what genre do you primarily favour?

Enemies to lovers, secret/forbidden relationships, slow burn, angst, horror. It has to hurt in a way and be dramatic :)

5. what are your top five fandoms to RP within?

TWD (even if i think the fandom itself is very toxic but that goes for most of them)

Game of Thrones / House of the Dragon

Peaky Blinders

Harry Potter

(Think I have no fifth one haha)

6. what are you top five universes to RP within?

Hmmm does that mean like the verses outside of fandoms? I hope so xD then…

Assassin

Mafia

Professor/teacher

Psychiatrist (for Alex)

Demon/dark wizard (for daemon and Tommy)

12. what was the first fandom that you roleplayed within?

Jrock fandom (back then everyone used faces of their favorite Japanese musicians which for me nowadays seems absolutely absurd xD how times can change)

19. who was the first faceclaim you remember using, who for (canon or original)?

Canon. It was Kyo from Dir en grey

20. what age range do you most enjoy playing?

Anything close to mine so around 30 but also beyond. I even like teenager stories sometimes when it connects to a story we write now

22. what have you learned by proxy of roleplaying and rp researching?

Definitely the way how rp in general works now or on tumblr. I also looked into other platforms to rp but this one is my absolute favorite. I found friends here to ask about formatting, terms, promos, tags and how u use gifs or whatever. I love that and appreciate every help any of you ever gave me cause it made me feel immediately welcome ❤️

24. what faceclaim did you start off disliking, that you ended up enjoying or even playing? how did that come about? (non problematic, a personal preference)

Matt smith. Never cared about him. Never watched anything with him. But then I saw him as Daemon and was amazed. Which is super funny cause I hated daemons character the first two episodes but as soon as he was covered in blood like Rick, negan and Tommy (yes that’s a pattern here), me and my friends were immediately like “I have to write that one”. The same literally happened about Cillian first. Never watched anything on purpose, never cared and I’m not into history or politics either so I thought I would hate peaky blinders. But then I watched it and was so amazed by his role that I absolute adore him now. Both characters were recommended for me to write tbh cause I always was like “hmmm can I do it” but my friends were very supportive so I’m very glad about these ideas ❤️ cause yeah, Tommy and daemon fit so perfectly to me and Rick and negan. Make them feral, psychopaths and covered in blood and I’m in 🤣

25. what faceclaim did you start of loving, and now loathe? (non problematic, a personal preference)

Generally musicians or anyone besides actors. It’s a moral thing for me. Like in the past when I was younger I didn’t really see a problem with using real faces and personas for rps or fanfics, but now that I’m older I have so much respect for everyone famous and their privacy, that I make a clear cut between actors (cause they play roles and I write these roles they play not them as personal human beings) and everyone else cause a musician might have a stage persona, but it’s still them so I can’t write them cause it feels like I might be doing something uncomfortable for them if they would read it. I don’t know if that makes sense but I hope you know what I mean. Also in the past i wrote fanfics with anime characters, but I wouldn’t do that anymore cause I only feel connected to real humans and not animated figures anymore. I’m also generally very picky about faceclaims as well cause I need to have a certain connection to their real persona and support their morals to write them.

[jerrydevine]

1 3 6 11 13 25 😽😁

it may be 20 days late but i will tell you all the haterest things i have to say <3

1. the character everyone gets wrong: fucking holy shit every character on earth ? none of my non mutuals know anything about any character.. don't like how people talk about blaine. idk if you have noticed but i haven't posted abt him in so long bc there's no one on this website that knows how to talk about him. as a blaine girl i do not trust other blaine girls they're soooo weird about him.. hes a huge fucking loser like that's personality trait #1 i can't believe people try to make him all suave and sad about his past.. like that's kurt my friend kurt. blaine sucks!! oh ummmm also clary the only ppl i trust to talk about clary are beth and cassie herself 👍. i know people are wrong about jace im so sure of it just based solely on the comments of my jace amvs on youtube. but i kill them with my mind beams so i don't see them 💪 oh and also. straight women's idea of bucky barnes makes me murderous 😞

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr: have still never gotten over endgame being a good use of it's time and the only good movie over 2 hours 🤦

6. which ship fans are the most annoying? gall/avich i want to kill them all with hammers. they made the writers bring mickey back just to fuck up ians character development for the rest of that damn show. they didn't even like eachother in the end 😐. do you know how sad it makes me that galla/vich freaks on twitter were so obnoxious they wrote ian losing that independence plotline they were gonna give him . and on that note i also hate mickey fans and yes this is sacrilegious i know he's everyone little meanie but i hate mickey too 🙄

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered: 5 somehow only 5.. i used to have 7 filtered but i stopped filtering interview with a vampire tv stuff hehe. lots of them are game of thrones related i do not enjoy seeing those freaks 😐

13. worst blorboficiation: can i be honest and say magnus especially show magnus fans. they don't know his fucking history or his backstory they didn't read the tomes or do the work to really understand him.. he's best friends with tessa like you guys don't even know tessa or WILL and you're like omgggg magnus would soooo blow up a shadowhunter if they were annoying him haha he would never hang out with straight people he's soooo gay rights haha. it's not cassies fault she invented magnus in 2007 she didn't know what she was doing. don't blorbofy my best friend magnus bc you always do it wrong. ppl write him how blaine actually is. they flipped them in the mind 😒. and this is why i almost never want to read shadowhunters fic. oh also btw magnus would never want to live in edom forever anything where it's like ahh i could get used to a place like this :) . no he would not fucking say that he would kill himself a week in. and he wouldn't want alec to become a vampire that part of the show where alec wanted to become a vampire was a win for: Alma 😁! no one else. he would never say that. be real for one second

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing: fucking anything about riverdale season 7 like it's not as good guys. they aren't getting out of the 50s . but it sucks to see it every day :( and complaining about people complaining about season 7 being not very good is gauche and tacky. keep to yourself sometimes i think so. the only person i wanna hear talk about riverdale season 7 is keren. while we're watching it together