#even if you think I'm wrong I am otherwise physically disabled so don't come at me dismissing that

[stitchthesewords]

for the trope rating thing, for no particular reason.... resurrection as a trope. interpret however you want to >:)

WHOOPS. I HAVE LET THIS SIT FOR FAR TOO LONG. SPARKS I AM SO SORRY. ILY SPARKS. [This is from an old ask game. Just. So everyone knows.]

Okay so I LOVE resurrection. But you gotta be careful w it. There are some LOVELY metaphors to made w came back wrong trope and developing a disability later in life. Having to learn how to sit in your own skin again.

I ALSO love when its a resurrection as a cleansing. Not in. uh. The way I'm about to rant about but - When its a character coming back and deciding to fucking grab onto the reins of their own life and take it back and make it better for themselves I EAT THAT SHIT UP OH MY GOD

HOWEVER. Far. Far too often. When it is a disabled character [usually physically disabled, but sometimes mentally]being resurrected, the resurrection removes their disability. Now. To clarify. I think this can be done well, especially when looking through the lense of a terminal illness or degenerative disease and frankly, I HAVE seen it handled well by someone who is experiencing those things or otherwise has done research and can handle it respectfully. Where's that whole post about two people from a marginalized community can need different things in their representation? yeah, that. BUT. Especially in like, sci fi for some reason, when a character who was disabled is resurrected, they are no longer disabled. They don't explore any of their feelings about no longer being disabled, they don't struggle with having to learn to do things differently [because when you're disabled, you DO do things different from someone who is ablebodied. I don't know how to dice an onion finely with a knife bc it is a motor skill that is too risky for me to cut myself, so instead I use one of several kinds of mechanical food choppers], they dont struggle which I think is the big difference between 'came back not disabled' handled respectfully versus disrespectfully. Disability whether people want to admit it or not is a struggle. Coming back without the struggle WOULD be a relief to a character, sure, but then it opens up an ENTIRELY new doorway or grief and longing for something you feel like you shouldn't be missing, and feeling like you've lost part of your identity, and a whole host of other things. Like, look, even if there was a cure for Cerebral Palsy [Which. Um. I have a hole in my brain. There's not gonna be], it's not affecting my quality of life. If I was resurrected without cerebral palsy, sure, my life would physically get better. But to me it would be like I came back wrong. This is an entire part of my identity, something I have developed my entire life around coping with, something that all of my memories are tied to. I would be grieving it long before I was able to learn to live an abled bodied life and if we're gonna come back to life not disabled I want to see that grief!!! I want to explore what it means to have the memories of a disability but not of its affects any longer. COME ON. Stop using ressurrection as an excuse to be a lazy writer and not write a disability anymore my god.

None of this is directed at you sparks. 😭🤣In fact - I'm plugging this because Sparks handles Disability in their story GIHASM so well!!!! And I know for a fact that Sparks is handling writing disability as respectfully as a writer SHOULD so everyone, if you haven't read it, -> here

[xfang-is-deadx]

I've been flaring up these past few days (fainting spells, increase in fatigue, insomnia, my spine is in literal agony, the works) and I am actually terrified to go back to school tomorrow.

I love my teachers but it feels like some of them don't grasp what a dynamic disability is like, even when some are openly disabled themselves.

I hate having to explain that I don't CHOOSE not to pay attention. I can choose to do the work, but my attention is barely even my own, it's more like a leash being yanked on by an invisible unstoppable force that is strangling me at all times. And when your brain is being metaphorically tossed around, it's pretty hard to do a work sheet. Sorry, Mr R, but I legitimately needed that long to work on that project because i play Russian roulette with the chance of not being near bedridden the next morning.

That's not even counting all the physical and mental shit that's wrong with me, too. He's nicknamed me "super flexy" but doesn't listen when I tell him it's the only good part of an otherwise horrible disorder I wish I didn't have. Half the time I'm so fatigued I mistake it for being about to faint. Have you ever experienced that? No? Then don't try to dictate what I'm allowed to be upset by.

Jesus, I could write essays upon essays of how horribly my science teacher treats the idea of mental illness, or even just teenagers having emotions at all.

Wanna know what he said when me and a few friends seemed a bit depressed in study hall? He told us this story about people that had a panel with a blind person, a deaf person, and a quadriplegic person.

The "moral" wasn't even attempting to be normal about it. Not 'there's always someone doing worse than you, so you should appreciate what you have', no, none of that.

His idea was, and I quote, "You actually had a good day today because you woke up and saw something when you opened your eyes. You had a great day because you could walk to your classes and pick up what you needed to work with. You had an awesome day because when your friend spoke, you heard their voice." (Mind you, this is coming from a hard of hearing man, I'm pretty sure he'd also be offended if he was used as a plot device this way, like anyone else would).

Like, he's so fucking annoying about it. I'm this close to coming up to him after class, starting a conversation about his toxic positivity shit, and then throw in "I have to see my attempted rapist face to face every day at school and can't do anything about it, so yeah, I think you had a great day because you didn't have to think about being violated and what it was like."

[dadwithout]

I am going to do a controversial.

SCHIZOPHRENIA IS A CHRONIC ILLNESS THAT DESERVES SPACE IN CRIPPLE PUNK

As an example, I had a delusion for 4 years, that was so pervasive that I ended up seeing 3 immunologists and in treatment on drugs meant for Mast Cell Activation Syndrome. My delusion? An ever-growing list of primarily food allergies that causes debilitating, painful, and sometimes life-threatening symptoms, when the third immunologist suggested that I may have a stomach issue with processing certain foods instead of allergies I had 50 or so known off-limits foods and was eating plain rice, carrots, bananas, and diet soda only. My physical pain and symptoms weren't unreal because of my schizophrenia, it caused me to miss events and stuff.

Schizophrenia can overlap with a lot of physical disabilities to the point where it is a bit of a blurred line between what is caused by mental health and what is caused by physical problems in the body.

I think another layer complicating this is when our bodies don't work. Catatonia, a symptom characterized by strange movements, and inability to move at times is often a feature of schizophrenia. Catatonic movement is something I have been maligned for throughout my life and has never been something I can hide.

What about when delusions complicate our movement? When I have delusions of being dead, often during that time my head tilts to the side and I can't move it without great effort on my part, I also heavily limp, and my arm movements become jagged, to the point where I'm unable to use my wheelchair and crutches for my hEDS pain.

There is also the mistreatment we get for our facial expressions, a key symptom of schizophrenia is that facial expressions are pretty much non-existent or sometimes entirely wrong for the situation we're in (i.e. Laughing during the funeral service of your friend's dad who was murdered) and that can cause us to face abuse because our face doesn't work right and our brain can't translate the right emotion sometimes.

Hallucinations are entirely physical sensations we experience, I frequently experience painful tactile hallucinations, is that pain less real than that of someone with fibromyalgia or hEDS? What about the olfactory hallucinations? When I hallucinate smells so strong that I vomit, is that not a physical manifestation of my disorder? Visual and auditory hallucinations are sound and visual disturbances. For many schizophrenics, auditory hallucinations cause episodes of being unable to interact with others in a sound environment because hallucinations can be so overwhelming. Our body can't tell the difference between reality and hallucination, disability isn't as simple as separating category by cause of disability. In some cases, it's more cut and dry but schizophrenia literally isn't.

My schizophrenia has probably impacted my physical health and disability more than my hEDS, POTS, Gatro(hopefully -paresis, otherwise IDK what it could be), asthma, and episodes of CRPS ever has. We already aren't welcome in mental health or neurodivergent communities because of the ableist idea that associating with us makes others look bad, so it just generally sucks to exist as a psychotic and especially as someone with a Schizo-Prefix disorder.

Side note - The reason psychotics and especially schizophrenics are always rejected from community spaces is because people use "delusional" and "psycho" and "schizo" as insults to undermine and bring into question the intelligence of the person making the arguments. I bring to your attention #abledsarepsychotic during the #abledsareweird era of Twitter. Where traditionally physically disabled people and aspychotic people, in general, used our disability to discredit ableism against them by saying ableds were unreliable sources due to experiencing psychosis, a disability. When I called this out on Twitter I got a lot of angry DM's from people telling me I didn't get a say on disability justice, despite A)Being physically disabled myself, B)Being generally disabled myself, and C)Me literally knowing what I'm talking about in regards to ableism against psychotics.

I can't help but think this messaging about using psychosis as an insult being okay, for even other disabled people to do is about palatability to ableds you know?

[justtogetthrough]

Can we tall about the secretary at my school's health clinic trying to tell me I'm not disabled enough to apply for a disability tax credit despite me seeing a doctor there for 10 years, many of those years it was between 2 and 4 times a month because of so many physical and mental health issues. I was like. I don't need to justify to you that I'm disabled and want to apply for this. Fuck you and assuming that because I'm enrolled in university I am not severely impaired by multiple disabling conditions. It's none of your fucking business what's wrong with me.

I didn't say any of that, but I did not accept her rejection and said well okay but I'm going to fill it out with my thoughts and submit it to my doctor for her thoughts via email then anyway because I don't think this is for you to decide without knowing what my doctor and I have been talking about for 10 years.

I was too upset over the weekend to look at the application and fill it out. This morning though the clinic called and this same secretary told me she spoke with the doctor and said I was wanting to apply for the disability tax credit and my doctor supports this and will fill out the application for me afterall so please send them the form.

It's a weird mix of feeling like SEE? I AM DISABLED ENOUGH YOU MOTHERFUCKER WHY DID I HAVE TO PROVE THAT TO YOU and also oh god, I am disabled enough that even though my clinic doesn't typically fill these out because they've yet to encounter a student whose impairment is severe enough to warrant it, my doctor agrees my impairment is severe enough to warrant it.

There's not a lot of space on the forms to explain things so it looks like they rely on the doctor signing off to make that judgment and I truly hope that is the case. But I ticked off walking impairment(describing that is only moderate, and episodic), feeding impairments (severe and daily and I pray they recognize how disabling an eating disorder is, because I straight up cannot feed myself and 90% of the time rely on other people for nutrition, and this is an area where my doctor is extremely familiar with the severe impairment I've had for the last 10 years and how residential treatment didn't really... stick), and the mental functioning impairment (primarily memory related and I have a concussion to back that up, but the executive dysfunction from my dozen diagnoses also don't help and idk how to explain that in such a small box). I am debating whether I need to submit a page of details outlining how many hours a day I spend actively impaired by my inability to eat as well as a laundry list of examples about how my work performance suffers and I'm constantly afraid of losing my job for my inconsistent mental functioning. To even list all the things I do to aid my memory is tedious. I rely a lot on other people for that too. And there were boxes about being able to follow through on plans and goals and shit and it's like. How do I sum up what it's like to be paralyzed. My doctor asks me this every month whether I can take care of myself and my house and the answer is always no. But how do we explain that in a little box? Really, my impairment looks like just lying down not doing anything, and constant anxiety attacks about not being able to perform basic tasks. Am I supposed to list all the things I cannot do despite wanting to? Do I list the executive functions that simply don't work 90% of the time? Idk man. I jotted in some thoughts and am otherwise telling my doctor to go ham and fill in details from a medical perspective.

The fact that she won't complete these applications for other students because they're not impaired enough, but in my case she's like yep absolutely. I... I have very mixed feelings about the sorry state of my life. I truly believe I am failing pretty hard at independence and without having reliable friends or my kid living here anymore I am super not keeping up with day to day responsibilities, especially when it comes to eating. At least my kid made sure I ate. On one hand I'm glad my application is supported because if it's approved I'll get a nice tax credit and the government will also match a portion of my retirement savings. But on the other hand, god its embarrassing how poorly I function.

It's like I went from having to argue that I am disabled enough to this receptionist who doesnt know me very well despite seeing me for 10 years, to then getting confirmation that I am disabled enough as verified by my doctor and it feels like my early 20s again when my impairments were at their peak and there was so much grief and loss and depression about everything I couldn't do and how it wasn't fair. But now that's become the norm and I forget this isn't typical. I really am disabled enough that my doctor is willing to fill out this application.

[hippityhoppityyourenowmyproperty]

Reset!Rant (part 5)

Gemini Ascendant

Chapter: 1

Max: "Are they always like this?" Helen nodded and turned the page of her bodice-buster romance novel. "This is the status quo for them. Bart gets bored. Bart annoys Thad. Thad overreacts. Chaos, followed by a scuffle in the back yard. Boys come in dirty and exhausted. Repeat."

She forgot to mention the part about Thad abusing Bart and being the one who insults him. And getting murderous thoughts and viciously beating Bart up is something a little more inexcusable than just overreacting, as Helen puts it.

Thad stared at his costume that he still held in his hands. "I don't think this is going to fit, either." At least Bart was good for making the embarrassing mistakes first, so he didn't have to.

Sums up pretty well all that Thad sees in him. Because despite proving his worth and helping out numerous times in this story, Thad still refuses to acknowledge how essential Bart was to the mission and how helpful he can be.

Thad was not letting go of the subject. "You used to just cook out of box or can, too," He accused Bart. "Well yeah, but I leveled up." He stuck his tongue out at his brother. Thad's arm shot out and he grabbed Bart's tongue, eliciting a yelp of surprise.

This is another one of those scenes that is creepy and makes me feel very uncomfortable. This is a physical threat and it's aking towards physical abuse. Bart is playfully teasing him, and Thad sees that as such a big threat to his position of power that he feels the need to physically intimidate him and maybe even elicit pain. His actions aren't justified. They're not okay.

Thad complied and Max sighed. "Can't you two keep your hands to yourself for one day?"

Can't any of you see that Thad is always the one who starts fights and gets physical first? If you want to stop their fights, then maybe start by punishing the one who starts them.

Chapter: 2

"It's your own fault that they don't like you." Thad ducked a flying shirt and smirked at Bart's angry glower. "You let your nature get the better of you." Without lowering his chin, he sneered down at his twin. "You always do."

Weird, I could've sworn that you were the one who wasn't able to control his angry outbursts one chapter ago and tried to hurt Bart because he was teasing you. You're the one who resorts to abusing Bart because you can't control your anger, so get off his back for being impulsive. He's better at not letting his impulses control himself than you are, you're just too deluded to understand that. Impulsive anger is still impulsive.

Helen leaned against the counter and looked Thad in the eye. "He's a little excited right now, and we all know what happens when he's wound up like that. None of his friends can keep up with him if he gets too enthusiastic." Thad knelt down to rub Dox between his ears. "Fine, I'll babysit him."

Yeah, great idea Helen, give the person who's ripping on Bart and abusing him even more power over him, what could possibly go wrong? Isn't Bart the one who constantly had to stop Thad from doing stupid, reckless stuff because he was mad?

Max: "Do you see what I'm aiming for? Helen has done wonders in turning a potential Cain and Abel into Castor and Pollux. Now, we have to make sure that it sticks.

Sure, except for that Pollux actually loved his brother and gave up his immortality so that he could be with Castor, and that he wasn't an abusive jerk. Thad is the opposite of Pollux. He would never sacrifice something for Bart, he would let him die if it wasn't for Max. He's callous and toxic to Bart. Helen didn't make Thad less hostile towards Bart, if anything she encouraged his vile behavior. She doesn't deserve credit for this. Making sure that it sticks means that you are keeping up an abusive relationship. Max should work with Thad on his behavior if he really cared about Bart and their whole team dynamic.

Chapter: 3

Anita: "I remember us joking around that you couldn't be normal if you tried."

"Hey! I can too!" Bart glared at Thad, who was snickering at his expense. "Like you're any better." "I am", Thad replied with a grin. " I can fake being normal just as easily as I can fake being you. How else do you think I get through the day?" Bart ticked off the items on his fingers. "Picking on me, chatting with your internet girlfriend, playing with Dox..."

Thad really has a problem with self reflection in this. Then there's the immediately trying to embarrass Bart for his short comings, and saying that he's so much better than Bart. He's condescending as ever.

And not being able to fake being normal a.k.a. neurotypical is funny because..?

Thad braced against the wall and raised a golden eyebrow. "It doesn't look so much like he's joining it, as it seems more like he's owning it."

Kon's sudden frown and the telekinetic ejection of Bart was just the payoff he was looking for.

Because when Thad is in company of Bart's friends and therefore can't hurt Bart, he will try everything in his power to get them to hurt or humiliate Bart for him.

Bart: I don't get these guys. They don't act like zombies are supposed to. They're tearin' stuff up, yeah, but the're not biting people or eating brains." Thad leaned over Greta's sketchbook with his hands folded behind his back. "Then maybe they're not zombies, moron."

While casually calling him a moron (for the fifth time, by the way) Bart's friends are standing right next to him. They say nothing in response to Thad being an absolute dick to him.

Thad decided that he had enough of Greta play fashion designer and je hovered over Bart's shoulder to supervise the monitor. "Use the traffic cameras, idiot. You can follow the pseudo-zombies and extrapolate their path. Then you can tell your team where to head them up."

"I am using the traffic cameras!" Bart snapped back.

"You're not doing a very good job of it."

"Yeah? I don't see you doing this job!" Bart challenged.

Thad sneered down at him and countered, "I'm not part of your little team, and I wasn't asked to sit here."

This is the very definition of senseless criticizing and abuse that's disguised as advice. He's chewing Bart out for supposedly not doing a good job, but offers no help whatsoever. He's criticizing just because he can. He reigns Bart in for mistakes that don't even exist. Despite saying "You suck at this" He gives him no advice how to do it better. Imagine having to live with someone like that. Imagine having to listen to someone ripping on you for everything you did, even when there was nothing that you did wrong. There will always be something the abuser will be upset about, whether that thing exists or is just made up in order to be a reason to judge and criticizise the victim. Everything the victim does is somehow false.

As always, there's the put down directed at Bart's intelligence.

"He did," Thad grumbled. "I wish I could say that I had no obligation to save him, but I made a promise to Max that I would look after my idiot brother."

This confirms that Thad really would let Bart die and/or suffer right in front of him if Max wouldn't have told him to do otherwise. Also another put down.

Greta: "You're not moving very fast for a speedster saving his brother." Thad shrugged and kept his eyes on the monitot. "I'll let him dangle a bit just so he appreaciates my timely intervention more. Bart's a little dense." The last word came out with a derisive grimace.

He's risking Bart getting hurt or killed in a fight just so that Bart will learn to appreactiate his time more. Thad is the one who needs to learn to not take Bart's support for granted. He's the extremely demanding one who wants more than he deserves. In his eyes, Bart is a worthless idiot who needs to show more respect to him. And don't forget the insult. Thad wants everyone to understand how shitty Bart is because he has ADHD.

Conclusion

From the very start of their relationship Thad is a manipulative abuser who uses every opportunity he gets to ridicule and belittle Bart and continually wears his self esteem down. The lack of punishment Thad receives from his parental figuers for his damaging behavior not only turn Helen, Wally, Max and Jay into neglectful and borderline abusive guardians, but also lead to his toxic demeanor intensifying. The lack of indignance the characters show when faced with Thad very obviously and aggressively abusing Bart right in front of them makes it seem like abuse is something normal and acceptable, and not something that is contemptible and needs to have consequences. Moreover, the fanfiction is ableist in that it paints insults that are directly meant to degrade ND people for being mentally disabled (such as r*tard and shortbus) as harmless and appropriate swear words for that group of people. It is infuriating that so many people praise it as 'the best fanfic about Bart and Thad out there with the most accurate characterisations of them' when the mental torture he inflicts on Bart is objectively so plain obvious. I think I know why the readers of this work failed to recognize the maltreatment. Sibling abuse isn't as known as parental abuse is, and even more people deny that it exists. Many people excuse abusive behaviors in sibling relationships because they're under the false assumption that siblings can't be abusive. They're even harder to convince that it is abuse when the siblings are twins and don't have a significant difference in age and physical appearance. Abuse always includes a power imbalance, and you can definetly see that in Bart's and Thad's relationship. It starts in that Thad is chronologically and mentally way older than Bart. He is also more knowledgable and well versed in combat situations and fighting. Through the use of intimidation, put downs and threats Thad enhances that already existing imbalance and makes it easier for himself to abuse Bart.

This version of Thad is one of the most evil, reprehensible and crude monsters I had the misfortune of meeting in fiction. Living with someone like him is a nightmare and through the entire work I felt bad for Bart. Despite what this work is trying to make you belive, abuse is never justified, no matter who is the victim and who is the perpetrator.