#even if it might change in the future or something

[ourseasone]

CHAPTER 001 ✱ THE FIRST DEATH

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“This white area right here,” the doctor says, pointing to a section on the screen. “This is the tumor.”

Your gaze shifts from the glowing image of your brain to the doctor sitting across from you. Your eyes lock onto the man’s face, trying to process the words you’ve just heard. You blink once, then twice, and then a third time, hoping the reality of it will somehow change, or at least make more sense. But no matter how many times you blink, the words remain — brain tumor. Your chest tightens. Your breaths feel short and shallow. Your heart rate spikes, and suddenly, the room feels smaller. You’re not sure if it’s the shock, the disbelief, or the wave of panic rising in you, but your world feels like it’s spinning out of control.

“A brain tumor?” Your voice is barely a whisper, barely audible, as though if you say it too loudly, it might become too real to bear. “A brain tumor…”

“Yes. And a very dangerous one.”

Your mind tries to make sense of it all, but nothing clicks into place. Instead, a faint smile, almost involuntary, forms on your lips. Your eyes drift back to the computer screen, staring at the scan of your brain. The image is clear — six large, distinct spots, each one a reminder of something that shouldn’t be there. You stare at it, unblinking, as if maybe by looking long enough, the truth will somehow change. A tumor. In your brain. It doesn’t sound real. It’s like something out of a bad dream, one that you’re not ready to wake up from.

A few days ago, you’d come to the hospital after passing out at the boxing gym. It had started out like any other day — training, working through the motions, feeling the usual aches and fatigue. But that night was different. You felt a wave of nausea hit you, but you pushed it aside. Just tired, you thought. Then came the dizziness, the piercing headaches, until, finally, you collapsed. When you came to, your coach was hovering beside you, his face filled with concern. That was when they decided it was time to get checked out. The scan was supposed to only offer some clarity. And now here you were today, hearing something that felt impossible. A tumor. A dangerous one. In your brain.

The words hang heavy in the air. Your chest tightens again, and you can feel your pulse pounding in your ears.

“Do I have to get surgery?” You ask, your voice trembling despite your best efforts to keep it steady.

The doctor hesitates, his expression turning even more serious.

“It’s inoperable, Y/N. Because of the location, surgery would be too risky. It’s not something we can touch safely.”

You let out a nervous laugh. It sounds hollow, almost forced, and the sound catches in your throat, thick with the weight of what you’ve just been told. You feel an overwhelming lump form there, as though your body itself is betraying you. Your eyes burn, and you bite your lip, trying to keep the tears at bay.

“But then… what happens to me?” Your voice cracks on the last word, and for a moment, it feels like your chest might collapse under the pressure.

The doctor’s face softens, but you don’t need sympathy right now. You don’t want that look. Not from someone who’s supposed to help you.

“There’s nothing we can do for now,” the doctor says, his voice quieter, more reluctant. “We can only hope that the tumor doesn’t grow. That it stays the same size. We need to monitor it closely.”

Hope. The word echoes in your mind, but it doesn’t feel like enough. Hope? That’s it?

“So I’m just supposed to live with this? And hope it doesn’t get worse?” The frustration in your voice is evident, a mix of fear and disbelief. “What happens if it does get worse? What happens to me then?”

The room feels colder, more suffocating. The future, once filled with possibilities and the simple joy of living, suddenly seems like a distant memory, slipping further out of reach with every passing second.

“So I’m going to die young?” You don’t even know if it’s a question anymore. It’s more like a statement of fact, a brutal realization that you can’t undo.

The doctor shifts uncomfortably in his seat. He takes a deep breath, as if trying to gather himself before responding. His eyes flicker with something — pity, maybe, or just an overwhelming sadness that a young person like you has to face this. You don’t want pity. You want answers. You need to know.

“Doctor,” you say, your voice suddenly more forceful than before, though it’s thick with the pain of everything you’re processing. You straighten up in your seat, willing yourself to face the truth, no matter how much it hurts. “Tell me the truth. How long do I have left to live?”

The words are out, and now there’s no taking them back. The air feels heavier, charged with the weight of the question, and for a long moment, the doctor says nothing. He just looks at you, his gaze steady but reluctant, as if bracing for what comes next. And finally, the doctor exhales slowly, his eyes never leaving your face.

“Nine months. Maybe a little over a year if you’re lucky. In your current condition, it’s possible you might live a bit longer. But that’s all we can give you. Time. We just have to wait and see how things unfold.”

Nine months. Or a little over a year.

The doctor’s words hang in the air like a dark cloud. They’re vague, but the message is undeniable: neither option leaves you with much time. You feel the weight of it, crushing you from all sides. Suddenly, your throat tightens, and you feel a sharp lump rise in it, choking you. You want to cry, scream, punch something, break everything in sight — yet, all you do is stare blankly at your hands, fingers fidgeting with a nervous energy that doesn’t seem to help. You can’t breathe. The walls of the office feel too close, the air too thick, the entire space too small. All you want is to escape. To run. To make it stop.

In just over a year, you will be dead. And the most horrifying part is there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

“I know this is difficult to process,” the doctor’s voice continues, soft, almost too compassionate. “I sincerely hope you’ll take the time to talk to someone about it. We’ll schedule another appointment next week for more details.”

You nod, though you don’t truly hear the doctor anymore. His words blur into a meaningless murmur, lost in the buzzing noise that has overtaken your thoughts. You stand up automatically, your limbs moving without conscious thought, too numb to feel anything. Your body feels disconnected, like you’re watching yourself from the outside. Your eyes are empty, like the world around you is out of focus, and the doctor’s mouth moves in slow motion. You catch a few words here and there, but they hold no weight. Only the echo of your own thoughts fills your mind, reverberating louder than anything else.

With a faint bow, more out of habit than anything else, you grab your bag, your hand shaking as you sling it over your shoulder. The floor beneath your feet seems to stretch farther with each step you take. Your body is on autopilot, moving mechanically toward the door. The cold, sterile scent of disinfectant hits you as soon as you step into the hallway, more suffocating than it ever was in the office. The familiar scent of the hospital now feels foreign and harsh, like the smell of a place where people come to die, not heal.

Your feet drag as you walk. Your eyes are locked on the ground, watching the tiles pass beneath you, but your mind is a whirlwind, spinning with a thousand thoughts, none of them clear, none of them making sense. You’re lost. Completely lost. Should you tell someone? Your mother? Suho?

But no. No, you can’t tell anyone. Not yet.

Your mother… She wouldn’t understand. She’d probably just dismiss it. Her cold, indifferent attitude would be the same as always. She might even accuse you of making it up for attention, a sick attempt to get sympathy. You could already hear her voice, the dismissive tone, the lack of care. Even the rare times you visited her at the retirement home, she barely acknowledged you. Why would this be any different? You could already hear the words, feel the sting of them, the way they would cut through you.

And Suho… No. Definitely not Suho.

You know your best friend too well. You know that hearing this news would break him — completely and utterly. Suho would break at the mere thought of it, at the simple thought of losing you. Maybe Suho wouldn’t show it outwardly, maybe he would try to stay strong, to hold it together for your sake. But you’d see it. You can already picture the sadness in Suho’s eyes, the way it would completely ruin him. You couldn’t do that to him. No, you couldn’t break him like that. You can’t bear the idea of that. You can’t bring yourself to do that to him.

The doctor had said you had about a year left, give or take. A year. That’s time, right? Time to hide it. Time to lie about the headaches. Time to fake your way through each day, pretending nothing’s wrong. It should be easy enough, shouldn’t it? You’d just keep quiet. Keep everything to yourself. No one needs to know. You could hold it together for a little while longer, couldn’t you?

Because once people know, once they learn that your days are numbered, they’ll look at you differently. They’ll see you as broken, fragile, like something already slipping through their fingers. They’ll treat you like a dying man, as if you’re already been buried six feet under. They’ll pity you. And that… that is the last thing you can bear. The thought of people looking at you with those eyes, speaking to you with that soft, sorrowful tone, treating you like you’re already gone — that would kill you long before death ever touches you. The pity would be worse than the tumor itself.

And your first death has already happened. It happened the moment the doctor told you about the tumor.

▅▅▅▅▅ 𑁍 ▅▅▅▅▅

If there’s one thing you absolutely despise, it’s waking up early. Especially this early. According to the cold, unfriendly numbers blinking on your watch, it’s 5:49 AM — a time that feels almost inhuman to you.

The sky is still cloaked in deep gray, and the streets are eerily silent, the world not yet awake. Step after slow step, you drift down the road toward Byuksan High School, your right hand shoved deep into the pocket of your school uniform jacket, the other clutching a small paper bag, warm with the smell of fresh pastries. Your backpack hangs carelessly off one shoulder, and the low thrum of music filters through your earbuds, though you’re barely listening. Your mind is far too crowded with heavier, louder thoughts.

Today, you’re ridiculously early compared to your usual schedule. Way too early.

Then again… you hadn’t been able to sleep a single second after the soul-crushing news you received yesterday.

You hadn’t gone to your part-time job at the convenience store, hadn’t dragged yourself to the boxing gym either, texting your coach some excuse about feeling too sick to make it. Which, to be fair, wasn’t a lie. Just not the whole truth. Instead, you had stumbled home, dropped face-first onto your bed, and stayed there. No dinner. No phone. No distractions. Just hours of thinking. Endless, restless, useless thinking. Memories, regrets, fear — they all tangled together in your mind until you couldn’t tell one from the other.

By four in the morning, you gave up trying to fight it.

If sleep wasn’t coming, you might as well move. You pulled yourself out of bed, took a shower, threw on your uniform, and decided to leave the house absurdly early, hoping that maybe, with a long enough walk, the fresh air would sweep the chaos out of your head.

( It hadn’t. )

But at least you had enough time to stop by the small bakery a few blocks from home — the one Suho loved — and pick up a few pastries.

You now move calmly through the deserted halls of Byuksan High, your footsteps echoing slightly against the linoleum floor. The school is eerily silent, only the faint hum of the old heaters breaking the stillness. The sky outside has started to shift — not fully light yet, but no longer pure darkness either. That grey-blue hour between night and morning where everything feels suspended, floating.

Stopping in front of Class 1-5, you gently push the door open, cringing at the small creak it lets out. You step inside, instinctively making as little noise as possible. The classroom is empty, save for one person ; Suho. Sprawled across three desks at the back of the room, his arms dangling loosely, mouth slightly open, fast asleep — exactly how you expected to find him. The sight makes something tight and painful twist in your chest, but outwardly, you allow a small, genuine smile to tug at the corners of your mouth.

You close the door behind you with a soft click and make your way to your seat — also in the back, right in front of Suho’s. As you pull out your chair and quietly lower yourself into it, you notice Suho stir slightly.

Shit. Did I wake him up?

You freeze for a second, then slowly place your backpack down on the floor, setting the bag of pastries carefully onto your desk. You glance over your shoulder just as Suho shifts again, grumbling something incoherent under his breath, and — hilariously — sniffs loudly the air, his nose twitching like a dog catching a scent.

“Seriously?” you mutter to yourself, a laugh bubbling up in your throat despite yourself. “He can smell food even while he’s sleeping?”

At the sound of your voice, Suho stirs again, this time cracking one eye open sluggishly. He squints toward you, clearly still halfway trapped in a dream. His head lifts slightly from the desk, and for a second, he just blinks at you in confusion, like he can’t quite believe what he’s seeing.

His gaze drifts around the empty, dim classroom, then back to you, disbelief written all over his sleepy face.

“Y/N…?” he croaks, voice hoarse from sleep. He shifts upright, stretching his arms with a groan before rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “What time is it? Why the hell are you even here already?”

“It’s probably around 6:30 or something,” you reply casually, lifting the small paper bag in your hand up to head level, the scent of fresh pastries practically leaking out. “I brought us food.”

Suho blinks again, as if processing the information slowly, before his face lights up like a kid on Christmas morning.

“You absolute legend,” Suho says, practically scrambling to sit properly on top of his desk now. His hair is a complete mess, sticking up at odd angles, but he looks so genuinely happy that you feel a deep warmth bloom in your chest — bittersweet, but comforting.

You chuckle softly as you toss a couple of items toward Suho : two custard-filled donuts, a few mini cakes neatly wrapped in wax paper, and a strawberry milk — plus a banana milk for good measure. You had picked up the exact same for yourself, except you opted for two strawberry milks because you’re basically addicted to them. Suho catches the pastries clumsily, practically hugging them to his chest like precious treasure.

“You’re saving my life right now,” he says seriously, already unwrapping one of the donuts with the urgency of a man who hadn’t seen food in weeks.

You just lean back in your chair, resting an arm over the backrest, watching him with a small, warm smile.

“Thought you might be hungry,” you say simply, taking a lazy sip from your own strawberry milk.

“How are you even alive right now?” Suho jokes between bites, his cheeks puffed out adorably with donut. “You literally hate mornings.”

“Yeah, well,” you say, tearing into a piece of cake and popping it into your mouth. “Miracles happen.”

The two of you fall into an easy, quiet rhythm — chatting about nothing in particular as you eat. You listen to Suho ramble between mouthfuls of donut about how brutal yesterday’s math homework was, how Coach Kim wants the both of you to sign up for the upcoming school sports festival, how someone allegedly flooded the boys’ bathroom on the second floor again. Normal things. Stupid, everyday things.

And you soak it all in like it’s air you desperately need to breathe. The sound of Suho’s laugh, the way he talks with his mouth full even though he knows you hate it, the excited sparkle in his eyes when he’s telling a story — it’s all so real, so vibrant, so painfully alive. It hits you harder than you expect, how much you want to protect this for as long as you possibly can. How desperately you want to freeze time, to keep this version of Suho untouched by the reality waiting to crush you both.

No, you think firmly. Not yet. Not for a while.

You’ll keep the secret. You’ll keep pretending. Because once you tell Suho, there’ll be no going back. And the smile currently lighting up Suho’s face would never quite look the same again.

“Hey, earth to Y/N?” Suho’s voice cuts through your thoughts, waving a hand in front of your face. “You good?”

You blink, startled, then huff out a soft laugh, reaching over to steal half of Suho’s second donut without permission.

“Yeah. Just thinking about how ugly you look when you eat.”

Suho lets out a dramatic gasp, clutching his chest.

“Rude! I am a vision of beauty,” he protests, spraying a few crumbs across the desk.

“You’re a vision of something, alright,” you tease, grinning widely.

You both burst out laughing — real, genuine laughter that fills the classroom and bounces off the empty walls. For a while, it’s just the two of you, wrapped in your own little bubble of silly jokes and sugary pastries and the kind of friendship that feels unbreakable.

The sun finally pushes itself up over the horizon, light bleeding slowly into the classroom through the grimy windows. Little by little, the rest of the world wakes up. Students start trickling into the classroom, chattering sleepily, slamming their desks, and unpacking their bags. The noise grows louder, the day begins like any other — and you don’t even notice, too busy trying to etch this fleeting, perfect moment into your heart.

For now, life goes on. Just like it always has.

And you’re determined to make it stay that way — for as long as you possibly can.

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note ∘ ∘ ∘ and the first chapter is finally here! im so so excited to write even more for this fanfic >~< also, this story is available on my wattpad too with a male oc if you ever feel interested!

taglist ∘ ∘ ∘ @suunani @naelvze @ecrvea @eijizwrld @dudekiss3r @ten0rikuma @nnryota @yeon103 @strawberrywith-chocolate2 @daichiwkmi (let me know if you wanna be added!)

[16wolke11]

Paddock Bunny [1] - LN4

A/N First part of the "Paddock-Bunny" Series. A bit of her backstory and how it all started.

WORDS: 4598

WARNING: NSFW (oral (male and female receiving) / protected sex)

_____

Stepping into the world of Formula 1 was never the plan I had for my future. Sure, as a young girl, I dreamed of getting into one of the teams as a mechanic, but growing up, I realised that this might not be one of the most realistic dreams I could have. Nevertheless, I worked hard, did everything to become a mechanic, learned at the local karting tracks and somehow stumbled into one of the junior categories, which opened up the door to the racing world for me. At first, it was more of being an intern, doing the work nobody liked to do, but at the same time, I could watch and learn. The boys from Prema became my family on and off track and so I climbed the ladder until I was a permanent member of the F2 crew. I can't deny that it is a stressful job, but it is exactly what I wanted.

At that point, I was happy, didn't think it could get any better, but then I got the offer from Mercedes. I thought someone in the team was joking with me at first, but then I was approached at one of the race weekends and was asked if I would like to see my potential working space. Of course, I accepted the offer and from then on, I was at the top, working with one of the best teams and where I wanted to be when I was a child. But instead of being a valuable member of the team, I needed to find my spot, was designated to simple work until I could prove myself, which is rather difficult when you aren't allowed to do anything.

During this time, I bonded with George, don't even know anymore how that happened, but he pulled me into his friend circle, and I got to know some of the drivers. And from that moment on, I was invited to their after-race weekend parties and other activities more often, making me feel fully welcomed in the world of F1.

Today is nothing different from the last season and currently it is the party of the season opener. The first time the boys showed off their real speed for the season

"What am I going to get for my first win?" Lando suddenly asks me, head slightly tilting to the side, before he takes a sip from his drink, eyes still firmly on me. That's a sudden change of the conversation and I lift one of my eyebrows before answering him.

"Probably a lot of money." I am sure he will get a bonus from the team and maybe even from the sponsors for securing his first win. He probably even gets a bonus for every podium, but the first win will be celebrated in a special way.

Lando clicks his tongue, before shaking his head and then he adds something to his question.

"No, from you."

I frown. why should I get something for his first win? He isn't even driving for the team I am working for. The only ones that would be getting gifts from me are the Mercedes boys, but even they don't get anything. "Why do you think you get something from me?" I ask Lando, because he certainly thought about this before.

"Because it is a special occasion." He states, takes another sip of his drink and I squint my eyes at him.

"More special than your birthday?" I ask back, because I never gifted him anything for his birthday before. A day people tend to see as a special one, but it seems like Lando thinks that there are better days than the day he was born on. He nods fondly but quickly stops and needs to hold himself up on the wall. Seems like that had made him dizzy. A soft smile appears on my lips, and I am almost sure he will be either embarrassed about this conversation by tomorrow or forget it completely.

"Can I wish for something?" Lando then asks and I don't think much of it when I give him the permission.

"Go for it."

Lando hesitates and I almost think he needs to decide on a wish first, that he didn't, though I would allow him one, but then he leans closer, voice barely above a whisper. "One night with you." My heart stops and I almost hope I heard him wrong over the bass of the music, even though deep down I know that this is exactly what he asked for.

"Lando..." I Mutter knowing he wanted this for so long. There were no feelings between us, besides just attraction, no butterflies, no feelings and nothing that should be exclusive. We both have been in a relationship since we met, but every time we are both single, Lando shoots his shot for a hook up.

I declined every single time.

"Please?" Lando looks at me and gives me the perfect puppy eyes only he can make, and I feel my walls crumble. Usually I would say no, telling him I can't just hook up with a driver, and especially not one from a rival team, but maybe a little bit of fun wouldn't hurt anyone? I take a deep breath, making a decision, but I add a condition.

"Fine, if you get your first win in the next five races, you get me as a price." I tell Lando and his eyes light up. It's a hard limit I set for him, but Lando was fast late season, he might manage to get his win and if not, no harm is done.

"Deal." He holds out his hand for me to shake and we seal the deal with it, before continuing the party as if nothing happened.

In the next races, Lando is close to getting his first win, but even though he is on the podium, the top step isn't reserved for him yet. Race-Weekend number six comes up, Miami is Lando's last chance to fulfil his half of the deal, not that I'm keeping track of that. But in his last attempt, he managed to get the first-place trophy.

"Lando Norris crosses the line and claims his first ever victory in Formula 1." Cheers erupt all over the track and I can't hold back a soft smile. Looks like he finally did it. I am proud of him and want to go over to Lewis' car to put the coolers on, until one thought comes to my mind.

The deal we have...Tonight was the sixth race of the season, meaning that Lando managed to take his maiden victory on the last opportunity for him to claim me as a prize.

"This is going to be a long night." I sigh, before finally stepping to Lewis' car, eyes on the podium sitters, while working on it. It does take me a while before I can even try to search for Lando and congratulate him, but after what feels like hours, I finally meet him.

"Congrats, race winner!" I hug Lando tightly and he even lifts me in the air, before setting me down on the ground again.

"Thank you!" He grins, but has no time to continue chatting, because he is called over by his press officer.

"Come to party with us tonight?" Lando asks me, while already walking backwards to his PR.

"Sure." I accept and already know he is going to get so wasted tonight. But who would judge him? He waited long enough for this win with countless P2 and nearly there situations.

"You made it!" Lando grins, flinging his arm around my shoulders to pull me into a hug. He smells like alcohol, what could still be the champagne sticking to his curls, or the one he is consuming.

"Of course I did." I say, it is rare that I don't make it to a party I was invited to. Only if it was a tough day, I am not feeling well or have to catch an early flight back home.

"Don't drink too much, I want you to last tonight." I whisper into Lando's ear when he takes another sip from his drink, and he tenses up.

"What?" He asks, eyebrows furrowed, like he has no idea what I am talking about and my heart sinks. Has he forgotten the deal we made?

"Your gift?" I remind him and suddenly there is a wide grin on Lando's lips. Looks like he didn't forget what we decided during the party after the first race of the season.

"You still remember?" He asks, tilting his head, a cheeky smile on his lips. I wasn't drunk that night, so there was rarely a chance that I was going to forget our deal.

"Of course, we made a deal." I tell him, and suddenly Lando doesn't look so cheerful anymore. He steps closer and drops his voice, not like anyone could hear us anyway.

"And you still want that?" Lando asks, trying to figure out if I am just here because we made that deal or if I am here because I really want it. It sweet that he seeks consent, and I am sure that I made the right choice by giving him what he wishes for.

"I wouldn't be here if not." I say honest and Lando gulps at my words.

"Fuck." He mutters, wants to say something else, but then someone calls his name. Lando apologizes and disappears, but I can't be mad at him. He just won his first race, of course, everyone wants to party with him.

I don't see Lando for at least an hour, spending time with other people in the meantime, only sipping on a drink or two to stay sober enough. Hopefully, Lando will do the same, because I don't want to share the night with an intoxicated Lando. That's probably not what he wants either. When I meet Lando again, the smell of liquor on him is strong, but he doesn't seem to be drunk. Maybe he drank a water or two between his drinks to sober up a bit.

"Do you want to kiss as bad as I do?" Lando suddenly speaks up, arm wrapped around my waist, fingers drawing circles on my skin after he slipped them under my shirt. I chuckle softly, not feeling the immediate urge to kiss Lando in public, but I can't deny that he looks hot. Curl tamed by a backwards cap, body covered by a tight shirt, leaving little to my imagination, but still, we are in public.

"We can leave if you want?" I offer Lando and his eyes light up.

"Yes please." He says, ditching his glass on the next table, before leading me out of the club. We don't say goodbye to anyone, not that it would be their business that we are leaving together. And most of them are probably too drunk to notice either that we aren't there anymore.

We make our way to Lando's hotel, keeping the touches to a limit until we reach the closed doors of his room. I look at Lando, see his eyes flicker to my lips and before he can move, I stand on my tiptoes to kiss him. Lips crashing down on each other, bodies melting to get as close as possible and hands start to wander.

I whimper softly when his hands knead my ass, and I try to get even closer to him. Hands wandering over his back, dipping under his shirt, feeling the muscles move under my fingertips. Lando lets his lips wander, trails them down my neck to nip on the skin, making me lull my head to the side. My fingers dig into his skin when he sinks his teeth into the skin over my pulse to softly suck a small mark into the skin. I can feel Lando's fingers grab the hem of my shirt, but then he pulls his head back, looking into my eyes.

"I need you to give me consent, okay?" Lando asks me and a soft smile comes onto my lips. This is really cute of him. I give him a nod, but Lando shakes his head, not accepting this as an answer.

"Words, I need to hear you say it." He tells me and I need to gulp before answering.

"I want it." This is the truth, no matter how much Lando wanted this, I also want to share the night with him, feel his body on mine and experience the lust with him.

"Good." Lando mutters, connecting our lips for a short kiss, before he pulls my shirt over my head. I don't wait long to tug on his shirt as well, fingers roaming over the warm skin, sending shivers down his spine. Without waiting for Lando, I wiggle out of my jeans, before I take a step back, feeling Lando's eyes linger on my body, especially being focused on my underwear.

"Do you like it?" I ask him, twirl around before I look at him again. The papaya coloured lace covers my breast, panties barely existing, but matching in the same colour. "Got them just for you." I tell him, which is the truth. After the deal, I went shopping for a pretty set of lingerie and when my eyes caught sight of this colour, I had to get them.

"You are going to be the death of me." Lando groans, tipping his head back for a moment, before stepping close to me again. Fingers hovering over my skin, barely touching it, sending shivers down my spine. As much as I want him to rail me, put his fingers, tongue and cock into me, this night is about him. About his race, about his pleasure, about a reward for him being the best on track.

"Sit down." I instruct Lando, pointing to the bed and he listens. Walks the few steps to the bed, before sitting down on the edge, waiting for me to come over. Standing in front of him, I tangle my hands into his hair, kiss his lips, once, twice, before pulling back again. Lando places his hands on my hips, trying to get me onto his lap, but I resist his grip, tipping my head beside his ear to whisper into it.

"You won the race, you get all the attention."

Then I drop to my knees, looking up at Lando, whose eyes just got darker, pupils so dilated that they almost seem black. Fingers opening up his trousers and Lando lifts his hips to help me pull them down. He is fully hard by now, tip already leaking and I lick over my lower lip, before taking his length into my hand.

His skin is warm under my fingers, and I make sure to keep looking at Lando's face, trying to figure out which movements he likes the most. Teasing the tip with my fingers makes his head fall back and a low groan escapes his lips. His fingers are tangled into the bedsheet under him and when he bucks his hips up for the first time, I take my hand off him.

Lando whines softly, hand searching for me to get me back in contact and I let him lead my head to his cock. Opening up my mouth to take him, sinking his length into my mouth and being held in place for a moment by Lando's grip in my hair.

Then he softens his pressure a bit and I can move freely, bobbing my head up and down, creating a rhythm while listening to Lando's quickening breathing pattern. My hands are placed on his thighs to hold me steady while I do my best to give Lando as much pleasure as I can. Tongue swirling around his tip, before softly sucking at it makes him groan and moan, hips bucking up to my mouth, grip in my hair is getting tighter and then the first words of praise leave his lips.

"Just like that." Lando tells me and I moan around his cock, sending a shockwave of pleasure through his body. He pushes me down on his length, tip nudging my throat and I dig my fingernails into his thighs, making him groan even louder. I continue bobbing my head up and down when Lando softens his grip again, but when I bring my tongue back to his tip, he pulls my abruptly off his cock.

"Stop, stop." He paints, fingers tangled in my hair, keeping my head up. I lick over my lips, still tasting the salty precum on them, before I look up to Lando.

"If you keep going, I am going to come," Lando mutters, hands pulling out of my hair, before letting his thumb brush over my cheek. I tilt my head slightly to the side, not seeing the problem in sucking him off until he comes into my mouth.

"We have all night." I tell him that there is no rush, that he can come as often as he would like to and that we don't have to stop after the first time. Having nowhere to be until the plane takes off the next day. No matter whether I can walk or not.

"But I am not patient." Lando tells me and before I can even blink, he takes me under the arms and throws me onto the bed. I just blink, not even having time to really react when his lips come crashing down on mine. Moaning into his mouth, I curl my body into his, trying to get most of his touch. I wrap one of my legs around his hips, pushing him down between my legs, feeling his cock brush against my already wet panties.

Lando's hands wander behind my back, opening the bra with ease, before flicking it off my body. His lips leave mine and trail over my skin. Visiting the mark on my neck again, before he wanders lower. Meeting my collarbone, grazing his teeth over the thin skin and then dipping lower again. Hands slotted beside my body to keep himself up, when his lips come in contact with my breast.

A soft moan leaves my lips when his tongue meets the soft pearl of my nipple, swirling around it, before he gives it a soft suck with his lips. I arch my body to get even more out of his touch, fingers gripping his curls to keep his mouth on my breast, only to whimper when he scratches them carefully with his teeth. Grinding my hips upwards desperately, I search for more of this pleasure and Lando groans softly against my skin.

With a soft pop, he lets go of my breast, lips wandering south again. Tongue dipping into my belly button, until he is at the hem of the papaya coloured panties. He bites into the lace to pull it down my body, only using his hands when he gets stuck, before he sits up on the bed. Lando takes my ankles in his hands to prop my legs up, opening me up for him. His fingers dip between my folds just once, before a sigh leaves his lips.

"You're so wet." Lando mutters, eyes locking with mine when he licks his fingers, only to groan softly. My eyes widen at the sigh, not knowing that something simple could look so hot. Just when Lando takes the base of his cock and wants to lead himself to my entrance I come to my sense again.

"Condom?" I ask him and Lando arches an eyebrow like he is asking if I really asked this question right now.

"Really?"

"Yep." I nod, ready to end all of this just because he isn't willing to wrap himself in a condom. Even though I am on birth control, I don't want to risk anything regarding the fact that I don't know if he is clean.

"Fiiiine." Lando whines, but waddles to his luggage to get one out of it. He takes his place between my legs again, rolling the condom down his length, before looking back at me again.

"Still okay with this?" He asks, fingers trailing over my tight and I really like that he still asks for consent even though we are so deep into it by now.

"Now I am." I tell him, because him wearing protection is the last thing I need to be okay with this thing.

"Good." Lando grins, dips down to kiss me, before bringing himself into position. Fingers curled around the base of his cock to guide it between my folds. Nudging it against my clit, makes me whimper, before Lando pushes in with one smooth movement of his hips.

"Fuck Lando!" I moan, clenching around him without being able to stop myself while my body tries to adjust to the feeling. It feels like a pleasant stretch, it doesn't hurt, but I do feel the fact that I haven't gotten laid in a while. Lando plants his elbows beside my head, body covering mine, while he glides even deeper.

"Say it again." He commands, referring to me moaning his name. My finger digs into his back and I am only able to whimper when his hips snap into mine. He almost pulls them back completely, before shoving his length back in again. I am still adjusting to his size while the pleasure is already taking over my body.

"Lando." I whimper his name again, making him groan and bottom me out again. Wrapping my legs around his hips, I try to change the angle of his thrust, trying to make it easier for me to take, but he only slides in deeper.

"Again." Lando pants, picking up the pace. Not taking long and deep thrusts, but rather quick, sharp snaps of his hip, making his tip nudge my G-spot over and over again. I can feel the burning feeling of pleasure in my lower abdomen, but it is building up way too quickly.

"Fuck, slower." I whine against Lando's skin, teeth digging into his shoulder to muffle my sounds. His skin tastes salty under my tongue and I throw my head back when he is hitting his target over and over again. I clench around Lando, making him groan, before burying his head in my neck.

"You feel so good." He whispers, keeps thrusting, making the bed thump against the wall with every sharp snap of his hips. My whimpers get high-pitched, and I know that I am close, body arching into Lando's and I am ready to let go, let him use me over and over again, when Lando suddenly pulls out.

"No, Lando." I can feel the tears prickle in my eyes, and I try to reach for him, but he is shuffling back on the bed. "Shhh." Lando hushes me, before dipping his head between my thighs. Hands holding them apart while his tongue parts my folds.

"Oh god." I cry out and tilt my hips upwards to meet his tongue, fingers getting tangled in his hair to keep him close. Lando chuckles against my skin, sending vibrations through my clit, making me want to close my tights around his head, but Lando keeps them firmly open.

He draws shapes with his tongue on my clit, sucking the most sensitive part of my body between his lips only to make me whimper and moan his name over and over again. I clench around nothing but air, slick dripping out of me, staining the bedsheets while Lando keeps lapping over my clit.

"I'm..." I just manage to whimper, before a strangled moan leaves my lips, hips bucking upwards to keep close to Lando's mouth when the orgasm crashes down on me. My thighs shake under his hands and finally, Lando allows me to close them while he breathes soft kisses onto my lower abdomen. I try to take a deep breath in an attempt to calm my body down, but it is barely working. Keeping my eyes closed while Lando keeps peppering kisses onto my body, wandering up, until he reaches my lips.

"Can I continue?" He asks me and I manage to open my eyes, seeing the desperate look in his and I nod, letting him help me sit up. My thighs feel damp, but I don't care; this is something I can fix later, when we are finished.

"Yes, but be careful." I ask him to and Lando smiles softly at me. He helps me into a different position, on my hands and knees and even though my legs are shaking slightly, I manage to stay like that. Lando nudges my legs apart, before bringing his cock back between my thighs.

"Shit." I whimper when he pushes in, still sensitive from that high, but Lando is careful as I asked him to. Staying still until the clenching has calmed down a bit, before he slowly starts moving his hips. His thrust is slow and deep, exactly what I need right now. My fingers dig into the duvet under me and my body moves on its own, meeting Lando's thrust with eager movements like it is not totally exhausted.

"That's it, love." Lando praises me softly, fingers holding onto my hips, while he keeps his pace. Pulling his hips back, tip staying inside of me, before pushing back in until his cock is fully buried inside of me. From time to time, he lets his tip slip out as well, nudging it against my clit, sending shivers down my spine, before gliding back into me.

"You're so tight around me." Lando huffs, grip around my hips tightening and then he does pick up his pace a little bit. I wince at the stimulation and need to drop my upper body to the mattress before my arms give in. Changing the angle, making Lando's length slide against my g-spot again and I tighten up even more for him. His groaning and I am sure his fingers will leave marks on my skin by how hard he presses them into my skin.

I can feel him throb inside of me, and just when I think he can't do anything else to heighten my pleasure, his fingers dip between my legs. Finding my throbbing clit easily to roll it between his fingertips, makes me scream out his name again and with a mix of profanities on his lips Lando spills into the condom, riding out his high while I clench my second orgasm around him.

My body shivers when he pulls out and I need to suppress a little whine. Maybe going all night was a strong take from me at the beginning of this round. I feel tired, but I let Lando turn me around and then clean my tights. It would probably be better to shower; we both are covered in sweat, but right now, neither of us wants to move.

"Are you okay?" Lando asks, fingers trailing over my side.

"Hm, tired." I tell him, eyes already fluttering close.

"You can sleep here if you want to." He offers me and I didn't plan to do anything else but that.

"Will do."

Just when I want to try to fall asleep, one last thought comes to my mind. „Lando?"

"Yes?" He hums and I lift my head to look at him.

"Just don't tell anyone about this, I don't need everyone to know we fucked." That wouldn't be ideal if any of the bosses figured out that I slept with one of the rival drivers.

"Okay."

[colleybri]

Luthen and Love - thoughts re eps 1-3 of Andor season 2

Luthen Rael described here by Tony Gilroy in a clip from Rolling Stone magazine (25 April ‘25)

So here’s a crucial difference between Luthen and Cassian. Luthen has sacrificed love; Cassian opens himself up to love.

Despite being torn from his home and his roots Cassian grew up loved by Maarva and Clem, found a sibling-like closeness with Brasso and Bix and eventually (after years of on-again, off-again) romantic love with Bix too. Despite his “fear of being loved”, which stems from his fear of letting people down/leaving them behind as he did with his sister, he has “so much love to give” (Diego Luna, WGA interview)

Luthen believes in causing pain if he deems it necessary to bring about long-term change… this is the accelerationist mindset. To keep his vision pure and utilitarian, he deems it necessary to give up love and this clip shows he probably hates his operatives having romantic involvement that might be distracting or cloud their judgement. I wonder if this is anything to do with why Vel and Cinta appear to have separated in eps 1-3 of S2. Did Luthen deliberately drive them apart?

Cassian’s rekindled (in the gap between the seasons) relationship with Bix is probably something Luthen has tolerated up to now as it hasn’t noticeably interfered with his training and missions or his commitment to the rebellion. But as of Ep 3 Cassian has gone seriously off-piste, ignoring all protocol and the need for secrecy by flying a stolen TIE home to Mina Rau and causing highly visible mayhem in an attempt to save his loved ones.

We’re now going to jump a year, but I would dearly love to see a clash between these two and their very different philosophies on the Rebellion.

For Luthen, it’s about giving up love because love is dangerous for clear thinking in a revolution. For Cassian, it’s about experiencing love, committing to the revolution in the way that he is now able to commit in love. This is why I think Cassian will never become like Luthen… and that’s crucial for the two most important choices he makes in Rogue One: sparing Galen Erso and committing his trust to Jyn, dedicating himself to the cause through her for one final time for the sake of “someone else’s future”.

I think there’s trouble - danger, even - ahead for both of them. Luthen, for not taking more care of the people he should be caring about. Cassian, for his habit of going back for people even when it’s very unwise. And for worrying about those close to him all the time…

… even though that’s just love and there’s nothing you can do about that.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: Military Science Fiction

Military science fiction - a subgenre that combines science fiction with military elements.

Also known as sci-fi, science fiction is a genre of speculative fiction that contains imagined elements that don’t exist in the real world.

Science fiction spans a wide range of themes that often explore time travel, space travel, are set in the future, and deal with the consequences of technological and scientific advances.

Military sci-fi novels deal with subjects like space warfare and futuristic weaponry. These books may also explore how war and technology affect human or alien characters.

Characteristics of Military Science Fiction

Novels in this subgenre will often include one or more of these common military sci-fi tropes.

Advanced weaponry and warfare: Military sci-fi often includes detailed descriptions of futuristic weapons. World-building may include discussions of new types of spaceships and ammo for futuristic machine guns. Aside from technology, there may be unique military organizations or world-specific fighting strategies.

Epic battles: In many military sci-fi stories, the climax is a large and exciting battle. These fights can occur on land or in space and pit humans against aliens.

Philosophical discussions of war: Military science fiction can bring up philosophical and ethical issues, like war’s impact on civilians and warriors. Authors may even use sci-fi to critique real-life military operations.

Tips on Writing Military Science Fiction

Writing a great military science-fiction novel can be a long, challenging process. As with any novel, you’ll want to construct a satisfying plot, develop interesting characters, and write polished, vivid prose. That said, writing military science fiction requires many unique considerations. Here are some tips for creating a memorable military science-fiction novel:

Broach complex ideas. A good military science-fiction story depends on a great conceit. Before writing your first book, have some sense of the question your novel is asking. This question can be implicit or explicit in military sci-fi, and many novels make these questions obvious. For example, Ender’s Game asks the question: What if humanity’s survival during an alien invasion depended on highly intelligent children?

Tell a good story. While military science-fiction novels are often thought experiments, they should contain an interesting narrative story. Come up with an intriguing story that brings your questions to life. Ask yourself: What is the change that will occur over the course of your story, either in the world or in the life of the main character?

Create an interesting world. World-building is one of the most important parts of creating a compelling military sci-fi story. The intricately imagined details that make up your world should flow in some way from the idea at the heart of your story. In that way, the world you create in your military sci-fi novel also reveals something about your point of view on the real world. Even the most fantastically imagined story is still a reflection of real-world questions and problems.

Consistently obey the rules of your world. One of the qualities that set sci-fi novels apart from fantasy is that it still obeys consistent logic, no matter the strangeness of the world. For military sci-fi, this might involve rules about how advanced weapons and spaceships work. You may find yourself mapping out intergalactic government agencies and writing laws.

Focus on character development. You may get caught up building your world or focusing on your plot, but remember that well-developed characters are important, too. Your plot may hinge on a major battle, but make sure to create interesting conflicts for your characters.

Examples of Military Science Fiction

It can be helpful to read military science fiction to better understand what the genre has to offer. Consider some of these works by well-known science-fiction writers:

Starship Troopers by Robert A. Heinlein (1959): Heinlin wrote this novel in response to real-life nuclear arms policy. Set in the future, it touches on moral and philosophical questions an interstellar government faces.

Childe Cycle by Gordon R. Dickson (1960): This series chronicles the fracture of humanity into space. Dorsai “supersoldiers” attempt to reunite the human civilizations.

Star Wars by George Lucas (1976): Star Wars’s novelization actually predates the iconic film’s release by a few months. Ghostwriter Alan Dean Foster wrote the book based on Lucas’s space opera screenplay.

Battlestar Galactica by Glen A. Larson (1978): This franchise follows the last of humanity as they fight a war against a robot race.

Armor by John Steakley (1984): Armor’s soldiers use exoskeletons in a war against insect-like enemies in this bestseller.

Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card (1985): This novel follows young children with high intellect who help lead a war against an alien race.

Vorkosigan Saga by Lois McMaster Bujold (1986): This series of novels and short stories is set in a fictional universe of star systems called the wormhole Nexus.

On Basilisk Station by David Weber (1993): This novel follows a military school graduate named Honor Harrington, whose insubordination gets her exiled to Basilisk Station, a far-off station of smugglers and thieves.

A Hymn Before Battle by John Ringo (2000): This novel is about Earth’s preparation for an alien invasion.

Old Man's War by John Scalzi (2005): The Colonial Defense Force is a military organization with two goals. The first is to defend Earth from alien invasion; the second, to find new planets to colonize. This novel follows John Perry’s journey through the ranks.

The Lost Fleet by Jack Campbell (2006): This series is set one hundred years into an interstellar war between two warring factions of humans.

A Confederation of Valor by Tanya Huff (2006): These novels follow Sergeant Torin Kerr as she leads her team of space marines through missions across the galaxy.

Source ⚜ More: Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

[throttleheart]

⸻ ⸻ ⸻

Page 237

Pairing: Lando Norris x fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff, best friends to something more, magical realism,

Word Count: ~2.3k

Summary: You come across a library book that somehow knows more about your future with Lando than either of you do.

⸻

You find it on a rainy Tuesday, the kind where the world feels a little softer around the edges.

The library is nearly empty, save for the quiet hum of the radiator and the occasional patter of water against the windows. You wander aimlessly, letting your fingers drift along the spines of forgotten novels, not looking for anything — and somehow, that’s when it finds you.

A navy blue book.

No title. No author. No markings except for a tiny, handwritten label tucked inside the sleeve: “To the one who needs it most.”

You hesitate. Then you smile, because you’ve always liked old books—the way they smell faintly like dust and stories, the way their pages sigh when you turn them—and maybe today, you do need something. Even if you don’t know what yet.

Without thinking twice, you check it out.

You toss it in your bag, where it rests between a half-eaten granola bar and the sweater you forgot you packed, and you almost forget about it altogether until later that night.

⸻

At first, it feels like nothing.

The pages are filled with moments, snippets of dialogue, descriptions of places that feel strangely familiar. You chalk it up to coincidence. Déjà vu, maybe. The mind playing tricks.

Until you open it one night while waiting for Lando to come over.

And there it is.

A paragraph describing, in perfect detail, the exact conversation you had with him last week, driving back from the karting track. Right down to the offhand comment about your questionable snack choices and the way you retaliated by whacking him with your water bottle, his exaggerated groan echoing through the car.

When you show it to him, he thinks you’re winding him up.

He reads it out loud, laughing—until he doesn’t.

Until his laughter fades into something quieter, something wary.

“Okay,” he says, setting the book down carefully like it might burn him. “That’s… weird.”

You flip through the rest, heart thudding.

Near the back, Page 237 is dog-eared. The only page marked.

You and Lando lean over it together, breathless.

But it’s blank.

⸻

Over the next few weeks, the book keeps changing.

Moments you haven’t lived yet spill onto the pages like spilled ink.

A coffee you accidentally knock over in a café in Nice.

A tiny fight over directions, ending in laughter rather than anger.

A rainstorm in Monaco, both of you sprinting to hide in a souvenir shop, dripping and breathless and a little too close.

Every time, it feels like the book is leading you somewhere. Like it’s nudging you, whispering secrets you’re not quite ready to hear.

Lando acts like he doesn’t care. He teases you about it, rolls his eyes, pretends it’s just a coincidence.

But you notice the way he checks it when he thinks you’re not looking.

The way his fingers linger on the pages, like maybe—just maybe—he’s hoping it’ll tell him something he doesn’t know how to ask.

And you pretend not to notice, because you’re scared too.

Scared of what it means.

Scared of what the final page might say.

⸻

One night, after a long flight and a later-than-planned dinner, Lando falls asleep on your couch with the book balanced precariously on his chest.

You find him like that: head tipped back, mouth slightly open, one arm flung dramatically over the side. The sight makes your heart ache in a way you don’t have words for.

You sit beside him, careful not to wake him, and stare at the book.

Wondering. Hoping. Dreading.

He stirs when you brush his hand by accident, blinking blearily up at you.

“It updated,” he murmurs, voice rough with sleep.

You freeze.

Your pulse jumps.

“Page 237?” you whisper.

He nods, sitting up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. There’s something in his expression—nervous, hopeful—that makes your throat tighten.

Together, you open the book.

⸻

They never saw it coming. Not like this. Not in a kitchen filled with leftover takeout and half-said things. But when he kissed her, it wasn’t surprising at all. It was always going to end up here.

⸻

You stare at the words until they blur.

Neither of you says anything for a long moment.

Then—slowly, so slowly you think you might shatter—Lando turns to you.

His voice is barely a whisper.

“Can I?”

Your breath catches. Your hands shake.

But you nod.

And when he kisses you, it’s not fireworks.

It’s something quieter. Deeper. Like a sigh you’ve been holding in for years finally slipping free.

It feels like the soft turn of a page.

Like a bookmark sliding into place.

Like the end of a story you didn’t know you were writing together—and the beginning of something even bigger.

Something that’s only just getting started.

⸻

Later that night, after the kiss—the first of many—you sit curled together on the couch, the navy blue book resting between you.

It feels different now.

Heavier, almost. Like it’s holding its breath.

You trace the edge of the dog-eared page, the one that brought you here, and for a moment, you wonder if that’s it. If the book has finished its story. If it’s time to close it and put it back on some forgotten shelf for the next person who needs it.

But Lando’s hand brushes yours, and he nods toward the book.

“Look,” he murmurs, voice warm against your skin.

You glance down.

Page 237 isn’t blank anymore.

Below the last line—the one about the kitchen and the kiss—a new paragraph has appeared, the ink still shimmering faintly like it’s becoming right in front of you:

⸻

The story never really ends. It just changes shape. They laughed through storms and fought over silly things and built a life stitched together by small, stubborn, extraordinary love. And if you asked them when it all started, they’d both say: right here. Right now.

⸻

Your throat tightens.

Lando reads it too, silent for a long moment, then lets out a breath that sounds a lot like wonder.

“I guess…” he says, voice low and a little shaky, “I guess we’re the ones writing it now.”

You smile at him through the tears gathering in your eyes.

“Yeah,” you whisper. “We are.”

The book lies open between you, but you don’t need it anymore to know what comes next.

You already know—

Rainy mornings tangled in blankets.

Shared coffees and missed flights.

Quiet arguments and quieter apologies.

Laughing until your ribs ache.

Loving each other fiercely, messily, wonderfully.

You know the chapters ahead will be messy, and beautiful, and completely your own.

And somewhere, you think, the book smiles too.

⸻

A week later, you find the book sitting by the window, where the sunlight catches it just right.

The cover has changed.

Where once it was blank and navy blue, there’s now a tiny, handwritten title in curling gold letters:

”Our Story.”

You pick it up.

But when you flip through the pages, they’re all empty.

Waiting.

Waiting for you and Lando to fill them, one imperfect, perfect day at a time.

⸻

A few nights after the kiss — when everything between you feels softer, warmer, but still a little new — you catch Lando doing something suspicious.

You hear him muttering in the living room.

When you peek around the corner, you see him standing over the navy blue book, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, a pen tucked behind his ear.

“Lando?” you call.

He jumps like he’s been caught committing a crime.

“Nothing!” he blurts way too fast. “Just, uh, reading.”

You narrow your eyes and cross the room.

He’s holding a crumpled piece of paper like he’s about to feed it to the book.

“You’re writing to the magic book now?” you tease, reaching for the paper.

He tries to yank it away but you’re quicker.

Unfolding it, you find — in Lando’s messy, hurried handwriting — this:

⸻

“Dear weird magic book,

Can you make her fall for me even more?

(Not that she isn’t already a little bit obsessed.)

Thanks, love you.”

⸻

You stare at it.

Then you look at him.

Lando turns bright pink — the same shade as a sunset — and shrugs sheepishly.

“I mean,” he says, scratching the back of his neck, “couldn’t hurt to ask, right?”

You burst out laughing, your heart twisting in the most unfairly fond way possible.

“You idiot,” you giggle, shoving his shoulder. “I already do.”

He brightens instantly, like a sunflower turning toward the light.

“Yeah?” he says, almost shy.

“Yeah,” you say, and kiss him, slow and certain.

⸻

Later, when you’re curled up on the couch together — the book forgotten between you — you flip it open absentmindedly.

There, scribbled in the corner of a blank page, you spot a new line of gold handwriting:

⸻

He never needed the book’s help. He had her heart already.

⸻

You don’t show it to Lando.

You just tuck the book closed with a little smile, feeling the truth of it settle quietly between your ribs.

Some things — the best things — don’t need magic at all.

You think that’s the end of it — Lando’s little letter to the book, the secret golden message, the way he practically floated around you all night after you kissed him again.

But you should have known better.

Because a few days later, you catch him at it again.

⸻

You walk into the kitchen one morning to find Lando hunched over the book, tongue poking out in concentration, scribbling furiously on another scrap of paper.

“You’re seriously still trying?” you ask, laughing as you lean against the counter.

He startles, clutching the note dramatically to his chest like it’s a state secret.

“I’m just… negotiating,” he says defensively.

“Negotiating with the magic book?”

“Exactly.”

You hold out your hand expectantly.

With a long, suffering sigh, he hands over the note.

This one reads:

⸻

“Dear magic book,

Okay, Plan B.

Can you make her want to marry me someday?

(Like… way, way in the future. Chill. No rush. Just… you know. If you’re taking requests.)

Thanks again.

P.S. I’ll owe you one.”

⸻

You stare at it.

Then you stare at him.

He looks terrified and hopeful all at once, like a golden retriever who knows he just knocked over a priceless vase.

“You’re unbelievable,” you say, but your voice is too soft, too full of something that makes his eyes shine.

He shrugs, all fake-casual.

“Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

You don’t answer with words.

You just walk over, wrap your arms around his middle, and press your face into his chest — feeling the frantic thud of his heart against your cheek.

“You’re an idiot,” you mumble into his hoodie.

“Your idiot,” he whispers, arms tightening around you.

⸻

That night, after he falls asleep with his head in your lap and your fingers in his hair, you open the book one last time.

There’s no golden message this time.

Instead, the book has left a simple drawing at the top of a new page:

A little doodle of two stick figures holding hands.

One has messy curls.

The other is wearing a crown.

You laugh so quietly it shakes in your chest, and you press a kiss to Lando’s forehead without waking him.

Because honestly?

You think you’ll say yes one day.

Even without the book.

Especially without it.

Because love — the real kind — doesn’t need spells or magic or perfect timing.

Just two idiots who keep choosing each other.

Again and again and again.

⸻

You catch him again a few days later, crouched over the navy blue book like it’s some kind of ancient oracle.

But this time, he’s not asking about you.

Not exactly.

He’s asking everything else.

⸻

“Oi,” he whispers to the book, tapping the cover like he’s knocking on a secret door. “Serious question.”

Pause.

“Will I ever beat Max at golf?”

He leans in, like he’s expecting the book to actually answer.

Silence.

He nods, very seriously.

“Right, right, you’re probably busy. No pressure. Next one—will my next helmet design look cool? Like… really cool? Not ‘I tried to be artsy and now it looks like spaghetti’ cool?”

He scribbles a quick note and shoves it under the book like he’s filing paperwork with the universe.

“And while we’re at it,” he mutters, “can you make my cooking not taste like sadness? Asking for a friend.”

He glances around guiltily.

You duck behind the doorway before he sees you, biting your fist to hold back a laugh.

Because somehow, watching Lando have a full-on business meeting with a magic library book is the best thing you’ve seen all week.

⸻

Later, when he’s out of the room, you flip open the book.

Sure enough, new scribbles have appeared in the familiar gold handwriting, quick and a little smug:

⸻

“Max will always be better at golf.

Your next helmet will be very cool.

Your cooking… is a lost cause.

(But she loves you anyway.)”

⸻

You laugh so hard you have to sit down.

When Lando finds you curled up on the couch wheezing with laughter, you just point helplessly at the open book.

He reads it, face slowly turning bright red.

“Hey!” he yelps, grabbing a cushion and half-heartedly throwing it at the book like it somehow betrayed him. “I was trying, okay?”

You wipe your eyes, gasping, “I love you, even if you burn toast.”

He pouts dramatically but you can see the smile tugging at his mouth.

“Magic book’s a snitch,” he grumbles.

You lean over, kissing his cheek.

“Maybe. But it’s not wrong.”

He wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his lap with a huff.

“Fine,” he says, pretending to be grumpy. “New rule. No more consulting the magic book unless it’s about both of us.”

You grin.

“I dunno,” you tease. “I kind of like knowing you’ll never beat Max at golf.”

He groans and hides his face in your shoulder.

And somewhere on the coffee table, the book’s pages flutter again — like it’s laughing with you.

⸻ ⸻ ⸻

[missmaymay13]

don't forget me - l.hughes

⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻

l.hughes x fem!oc

a/n: hi guysss... sorry ive been mia lately!!! just been super busy with life and really slowing down on the writing rn!! i wont be posting as much in the next little while but expect a few little shorter blurbs here and there!! (also sorry this is shorter than expected!! i kind of rushed the end of it but i want to re write this in the future and maybe turn it into a series?)

masterlist

⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻

The rain hadn't let up all morning. It dripped in steady patterns down the windshield, like the sky was mourning something too, and maybe Luke Hughes found a little comfort in that. Silence stretched between him and Jack as they weaved through downtown traffic, the early grey of a Jersey morning casting the world in a dull, wet light.

Luke leaned his forehead against the cool window, hoodie drawn up, his eyes half-lidded. The kind of tired that wasn't about sleep. The kind of tired that lived in your chest.

Jack hummed to himself from the driver's seat, fingers drumming the steering wheel. "Devils practice at eight and you're already acting like we lost the cup," he joked lightly, glancing sideways.

Luke didn't answer.

The radio, left low and forgotten in the background, crackled as the static faded into a soft guitar intro. A voice spilled through the speakers a second later—

"Take my money, wreck my Sundays, love me 'til your next somebody..."

Luke blinked.

"Oh but promise me that when it's time to leave... don't forget me, don't forget me."

His whole body stilled.

It was like someone had grabbed the air from the car and twisted it, squeezing the breath from his lungs. That voice. That voice. He would know it anywhere—even wrapped in reverb and studio polish, even if it had been years. There were ghosts in that voice. Every word she sang pulled at an old wound that never quite closed.

He sat up straight, the seatbelt tugging across his chest. His fingers curled into fists in his lap.

Maggie.

Jack tilted his head. "That voice sounds familiar. Doesn't it?"

Luke didn't look at him. Couldn't.

He nodded, barely.

Jack kept talking, something about how maybe she was local or new or something, but Luke wasn't listening. The rain hit harder now, a heavy percussion on the roof. Maggie's voice echoed through the small cabin of the car, and it didn't feel like music. It felt like memory.

It had been years. Years since Michigan, years since that rainy October night when she said those exact words to him. Not in a song. Just in a whisper, voice breaking, eyes glassy, back turned toward the door she never wanted to walk out of.

Don't forget me.

He thought he had done the right thing. He thought letting her go meant protecting her from the chaos of his life, from the spotlight, the moving cities, the uncertainty. But hearing her now? She hadn't forgotten. Not him. Not them. Not the promises they never got to keep.

And fuck, maybe he hadn't either.

She sounded older. Fuller. Like she had lived a few more lives since then. But the pain in her voice—that ache underneath every note? That hadn't changed.

Neither had the way it ripped him apart.

Jack turned the volume up a little, oblivious.

Luke closed his eyes.

Time folded in on itself. It wasn't 2025. It wasn't New Jersey. It wasn't his NHL career and postgame interviews and life in a high-rise downtown.

It was fall in Ann Arbor. It was late nights in the music building with Maggie singing half-finished lyrics and laughing when her voice cracked. It was hands held under cafeteria tables, sweaters traded back and forth, the quiet knowledge that what they had might not last but God, it was real.

And now she was singing on the radio.

And Luke Hughes was remembering everything.

The sound faded into a commercial, and Luke stayed quiet. Jack reached for the dial.

"That was 'Don't Forget Me' by breakout artist Maggie Sommers," the DJ announced. "Word is she wrote it about someone she knew in college. Brutal, right?"

Luke swallowed hard. His chest felt like it was caving in. He didn't need the reminder.

He had never forgotten her.

He never could.

⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻

The first time Maggie Sommers met Luke Hughes, she didn't expect anything. If anything, she braced herself for disappointment.

It was late September, the kind of Michigan afternoon where the sky couldn't decide between raining or shining. Maggie was sitting on the brick ledge outside the music building, legs crossed, notebook open across her lap, tapping her pen against the paper in time with the music in her headphones. She had carefully built this little world around herself—a fortress of melodies and lyrics and cautious distance. After too many heartbreaks, too many boys who made promises and forgot to keep them, she had learned to stay hidden in plain sight.

Molly was the one who waved Luke over.

"Mags!" Molly called, jogging up with a tall, broad-shouldered guy in tow. "Come meet Luke!"

Maggie glanced up, irritation flickering before she could mask it. Another hockey player, she thought. Perfect. Just what she needed.

Luke was exactly what she expected: messy brown curls, a grin too easy, the kind of confidence that could fill a room. The campus golden boy. The name every girl seemed to whisper about.

She steeled herself.

"Hey," he said, stuffing his hands awkwardly into the pockets of his hoodie. There was a shyness to him that caught her off guard. "I'm Luke."

"Maggie," she answered, short, clipped, already returning her eyes to the scrawl of lyrics in her notebook.

She kept her head down, kept the conversation brief, hoping he'd take the hint. She wasn't rude—not exactly. Just... guarded. Polite but distant. She knew better than to let herself be charmed by boys like him.

But Luke didn't get the memo. Or if he did, he didn't care.

He started showing up.

First it was small things. Passing by the music building at the same time she did. Holding the door open for her with a crooked grin. Complimenting the patches on her backpack. Always careful. Always casual.

Then bigger things.

He came to her first performance at a grimy downtown dive bar, sitting in the back with his hoodie pulled up and clapping so loud she couldn't help but notice. He brought her coffee when he found her studying late in the library. He learned her favorite snack and started "accidentally" leaving it on her desk.

She resisted.

God, she tried.

Every fiber of her being screamed not to fall for it. She kept him at arm's length, responded to his texts with polite emojis, dodged his attempts to hang out one-on-one. She told herself it was safer that way.

Because Maggie had loved before. She had loved deeply, recklessly. She had poured herself into boys who said all the right things and meant none of them. She had rebuilt herself too many times from the wreckage of other people's carelessness.

She wasn't doing it again.

But Luke... he was patient. He didn't push. He didn't try to dazzle her with big gestures or flashy declarations. He just... stayed. Consistently. Quietly. Showing up when no one else did.

There was a night—she remembered it vividly—when it all started to shift. It was cold, the kind of Michigan night that seeped into your bones. She was holed up in one of the music building's practice rooms, her fingers aching from hours of strumming her guitar.

A soft knock at the door startled her.

She opened it to find Luke standing there, cheeks pink from the cold, a takeout bag in one hand.

"Thought you might be hungry," he said, almost sheepish.

Something cracked then. A small thing. Barely noticeable. But she felt it.

She let him in.

They sat on the floor, eating bad Chinese food out of the cartons, trading stories about their worst classes, their most embarrassing moments. And for the first time in a long time, Maggie laughed without guarding it, without weighing it against what it might cost her later.

She realized, slowly, that Luke wasn't like the others.

He didn't want to possess her light. He just wanted to sit beside it.

It terrified her, how easily he fit into her spaces. How he didn't demand anything, yet somehow made her want to give him everything. How he listened when she talked about her music like it was gospel. How he looked at her like she was a sunrise he hadn't known he needed to see.

So Maggie did what she always did when she felt something real: she tried to push it down. Hide it beneath busy schedules and polite excuses.

But Luke kept showing up.

Not with grand declarations. Just with steady, quiet presence.

And no matter how hard she tried to fortify herself, Maggie Sommers was beginning to understand—Luke Hughes was patient enough to wait for her walls to fall.

And deep down, some scared, secret part of her already knew she wanted them to.

It crept up on her slowly—the realization that what she had with Luke was something heavier, something real. And with that realization came fear so thick it tangled in her chest.

Maggie sat curled into a chair at the corner of a busy café one evening, half-listening as Molly and another friend gushed about job offers, internships, and moving in with their boyfriends after graduation. Their voices were bright, full of certainty, full of plans that clicked neatly into place.

She watched Molly talk about her future with Mark like it was already written into stone—the shared apartment, the inevitable engagement, the life that felt so mapped out, so obvious. And it hit her, sharp and aching: she wanted that. She wanted someone to choose her that way. To build a life together.

But she also wanted everything else.

Maggie wanted to live out of a suitcase for a few years. To chase sunsets in places where no one knew her name. She wanted to play on tiny stages in bars across the country, to write songs that lived longer than the people they were written about. She wanted to taste life—all of it—before settling down.

And sitting there, Luke's face flashed in her mind.

The way he looked at her, so full of quiet certainty. The way he waited after her shows, no matter how late, just to tell her she was brilliant. The way he remembered little things—how she took her coffee, which chords made her cry.

She adored him. God, she adored him.

But he offered a kind of stability that terrified her. He wanted a future, a home, roots. He wanted someone who could follow him through the chaos of his hockey career, someone who could pack up and move to whatever city drafted him, love him through the seasons and schedules and constant change.

And she—

She wasn't ready.

She wanted to be someone's home, sure. But not at the cost of losing her own.

There was another fear, too—the one she couldn't shake no matter how tightly she tried to hold herself together.

Luke wouldn't stay.

Everyone was just waiting for the day New Jersey called his name, and just like that, he'd be gone. Off to chase a dream bigger than anything this little college town could hold. It was inevitable. Expected.

Sitting next to Molly at a home game, watching Luke and Mark glide across the ice, Maggie felt it pressing in.

This was the life Molly had always dreamed of—her and her superstar boyfriend, ready to follow him wherever his career would take him. Molly was happy. Mark was happy. They made it look easy.

Maggie was happy for them. Truly.

But as she clutched her coffee tighter and watched Luke flash across the rink in a blur of blue and white, she couldn't help but think:

Could she be happy if this was her and Luke?

Could she really be okay giving up her own dreams, her own ambitions, just to chase after him from city to city, rink to rink?

Luke was everything she had ever wanted—his kindness, his patience, the way he looked at her like she hung the moon.

Except for this one thing.

And it haunted her.

It haunted every soft smile he gave her. Every late night he spent singing along off-key to her guitar. Every promise that sat unspoken between them.

Because no matter how much she loved him—and she did, though she hadn't dared to say it—she didn't know if she could survive being left behind.

Or worse, if she could survive leaving herself behind to follow him.

⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻

The night before he left, everything came crashing down.

It was late. The rain pelted against the windows, the storm outside a mirror to the one building between them. Maggie's dorm room felt too small, too cramped to hold the weight of all the unspoken things between them.

Luke stood in the center of the room, dripping wet, cheeks flushed with frustration and fear. His fists were balled at his sides, his hockey jacket forgotten in a puddle by the door.

"Come with me," he begged, his voice breaking around the edges. "Maggie, please. We can do this. I can give you anything you want—I swear to you, there won't be any heartbreak."

She shook her head, tears burning in the corners of her eyes. "You can't promise that, Luke."

He took a step toward her, desperation written in every line of his body. "Yes, I can. I'll make it work, Maggie. I'll come back whenever I can. I'll call. I'll—"

"Luke," she cut him off, her voice sharp and shaky. "You don't know what you're asking."

He dropped to the edge of her bed, running his hands through his hair, looking so young and terrified that it shattered something inside her.

She knew how this story ended. She had seen it too many times. The long distance. The broken promises. The slow, inevitable drift apart. It wasn't anyone's fault. It was just how life worked. Especially for boys like Luke Hughes, who had the whole world at their feet.

And still—

Still, she couldn't bear to lose him yet.

In a moment of numbness, of bone-deep exhaustion, she crossed the room and sat beside him.

"Okay," she whispered. "Okay, Luke."

His head snapped up, hope flooding his face.

She pressed a trembling hand to his cheek, memorizing the way he leaned into her touch without hesitation.

All her life, she had begged for a good love. Someone gentle. Someone steady. Someone who would choose her without flinching.

And here he was.

Her dream man.

But of course, there was a catch.

So she accepted it.

She let him in, let herself believe in something fleeting. She let him wreck her Sundays, let him fill her quiet mornings with laughter, let him love her until the day he couldn't anymore.

Because deep down, Maggie knew—their love had a ticking clock attached to it.

So when he kissed her that night, desperate and soft, she kissed him back with everything she had.

And when he pulled her close, whispering promises into her skin, she held him tighter, knowing they were promises he could never truly keep.

"Just promise me one thing," she whispered into the hollow of his throat.

"Anything," he said, without hesitation.

She swallowed hard, her heart splitting open.

"When it's time for you to leave... don't forget me."

Luke nodded, arms tightening around her like he could somehow anchor her to him.

And for one long, aching moment, Maggie let herself believe it could be enough.

⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻

The present was a cruel place to be.

Luke couldn't escape her.

Her voice was everywhere—in the soft hum of coffee shop speakers, blasting through the radio in the locker room, pouring out of passing cars at stoplights. And every time he heard her, those same words echoed in his mind like a prayer he couldn't stop saying.

Don't forget me.

He was going crazy.

Late one night, after another sleepless stretch of hours where he couldn't tell if the ache in his chest was regret or just loneliness, Luke found himself pulling out his phone. His hands were trembling before he even unlocked the screen.

He called the only person he could think of.

Molly.

The line barely rang once before she answered.

"Luke," she said softly, already knowing.

He didn't even know where to start. Didn't know why he'd called in the first place. All he knew was that he needed—something. Some kind of answer. Some scrap of truth to hold onto.

The silence on the line was heavy.

Finally, Molly sighed, her voice careful, sad.

"She knew you would eventually leave, Luke."

And just like that, he shattered into a hundred pieces.

She knew.

She had loved him anyway.

Luke dropped his forehead into his hand, squeezing his eyes shut, like he could hold in the sound of his own heart breaking. She had known the ending before they ever began, and still—still she had given him everything.

He didn't know whether that made it better or worse.

That night, he didn't sleep.

Instead, he sat in the dark, the only light coming from the soft glow of his phone screen as he queued up every song Maggie had ever released.

Her voice filled the apartment, soft and aching and familiar.

Luke closed his eyes and let it drown him.

Every lyric felt like a knife. A memory. A moment he hadn't realized she had tucked away into melody.

Lines about rainy nights and late-night Chinese takeout. About broken promises whispered into skin. About slow dances in empty music rooms and goodbyes wrapped in kisses.

He could picture it all.

The cracked ceiling tiles of her dorm room. The way she used to hum under her breath when she was thinking. The way she looked at him the first time he told her she was brilliant.

It was all there.

Hidden between verses.

He spent the whole night listening.

Letting himself bleed into her songs.

Wondering if she had ever really been his at all, or if she had always belonged to the music first.

The worst part was realizing that Maggie hadn't been the one who left.

He had asked her to follow.

Without realizing it, he'd asked her to give up everything she had ever dreamed of. To make her life small enough to fit into his.

And she—she had been willing, for a time. But she was never meant to be someone who followed. Maggie led. She carved her own path with trembling hands and a stubborn heart. She had wanted them both to chase their dreams. Together. Meeting in the middle.

That's all she had ever wanted.

Someone who gave as much as she did.

And Luke—he was kicking himself now, wrecked by the realization of what he had asked of her. Of what he had taken.

He didn't deserve her.

He never had.

⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻

The moment came like a punch to the gut.

Jack had gotten him and a few of their teammates VIP pit tickets to a Zach Bryan concert. It had sounded like a good distraction, a night to lose himself in noise and crowds.

He never expected to find her there.

The lights shifted. The crowd roared. And there she was—on stage, a vision in worn denim and a loose t-shirt, a guitar slung low across her hips.

Maggie.

She looked different. Stronger. More sure of herself. She stood with a presence that demanded attention, her head held high, her smile easy and devastating.

Luke felt like the air had been punched out of his lungs.

And then she started to sing.

The song was called "Dawns," and every word felt like a blade to the ribs.

I miss goin' out to bars Shooting stars Not worrying 'bout what's left of us.

The world went silent around him.

It sounded just like it used to when she'd sing to him in his old room, when she'd pluck at her guitar strings in empty music rooms between classes, laughing and raw and brilliant.

And she saw him.

Their eyes locked across the crowd, and she never once looked away.

Every word—it was like she was speaking straight to him.

Give me my dawns back.

She sang it with a kind of ache he recognized too well. A kind of plea that echoed everything she hadn't said that night she let him love her with a ticking clock tied around her heart.

Maggie had changed.

She was more confident. She commanded the room in a way she never had before. She wasn't the girl who had let him love her halfway because it was all she'd known.

She was the woman who knew her worth now. Who wouldn't bat an eye at someone who couldn't give her what she deserved.

Luke felt the weight of it crush him.

She had moved on.

And for the first time, he realized—maybe she didn't need him to remember her.

Maybe she had already found a way to remember herself.

[inardescere]

This is why he can't turn a blind eye.

From the very start of his memories as he awoke to the voices of his people finding him in darkness to this day, he had always been regarded as the deity of Lemuria, the last of their Sea Gods who would reignite the fire and protect them from darkness. A boy who had to learn to survive in the beautiful yet deadly depths of the ocean where no one- not even its own god- was protected unconditionally. He had never known a life where it wasn't expected of him to be the protector, if not now, then in the future, to solve any problems that arose in his motherland. So it came like second nature to offer his protection to the one he cherishes. Yet, Caleb so easily breaks down the pedestal that had been carefully constructed for him, keeping him perched high and far out of reach from others, one Rafayel himself stacks when he starts to forget. Rafayel's shoulders rise in surprise at the gentle bop to his nose, a smile tugging at his lips. "You're the first person to suggest changing fate." Something he has already done, and if it meant that they could continue to live in peace, he would do it again. Rafayel tilts his head, adoration dripping from his gaze as he lets out a pleased breath. "We will have each other's backs." And how reassuring that is.

The Lemurian closes his eyes, lets the soft sway of currents and the gentle warmth of the other's body pressed close to lull him back to peace. He had dreams of a world outside, and maybe to Caleb, they might sound like fairy tales the way humans saw Lemuria as one. But as he lifts his head and starts to draw his fingers gently over his cheek, they slow with every word that reveals just how dark his past was. The vivid imagery sends a chill down his spine, but at the same time, it ignites an anger he has never felt before, brows creased inward, and his gentle touch on his face now firm and pulling him in, grounding him to the present. "They're repulsive." His words were cold yet calm, lips pressed thin as the desire for something itched under his skin. The simmering anger is put out when his eyes glance up and see the other's, a glazed look of discomfort as he admits to his past, the betrayal of the one person a child should be allowed to trust, and Rafayel stores his anger away for something softer, keeping his hands cupped over the other's face. He can't stay focused on his anger and instead comforts him with his touch.

"Then, we will never go near them." Rafayel concludes, putting a stop to the scenarios Caleb had already put in his head. "Be at ease. There is nothing in this world that can keep me trapped if I don't want to be there- even if it takes time, I will always find a way to escape. If they can even catch me." The elders had made sure of it; Rafayel himself had made sure of it. True freedom was a luxury that the Lemurian God knew he would never be able to afford, so the least he could do is at least choose his own cage to be locked away. He brushes his thumb gently over the former captain's cheek, soothing him and leaning up to press a kiss under his eye. "I don't mean to make you go to places that bring you pain. If you cannot revisit them with a smile, then they're not worth it. I admit, my intention wasn't conveyed well." He sighs softly, his hands now sliding down to warm the sides of his neck, pulling him in by the base and kissing him reassuringly.

"There is... a lot of your world that I don't know about. Even if you think it is ugly, to me, it is a part of you that made you who you are. So, I want to learn about it. If not through your guidance through those lands, then from your stories. I guessed that the places that would make you melancholic would be where you last spent with your comrades-- ones you spoke of so fondly while looking so sad. Or your friends, whom you had to leave behind. I thought you would like to visit, so you can find closure about their whereabouts and their life, but if I'm wrong..." He lets go, hands up in a shrug. "The world is vast, and we can look for places both of us can experience for the first time together."

Rafayel decides his pearls are a much-needed distraction, as well as the need to pick them up before someone else comes and sees. Caleb takes the pearl from him and rolls it in his hand, inspecting it like a jewel to be graded. The heat in his ears spread all the way across his cheek and even his nose, not expecting him to look at them that closely. "What they mean to me...?" The young Lemurian stares at the pearl, then bends down to pick them all, pouring them onto Caleb's hand to join the first, barely fitting on his palm, folding the other's fingers over them. "They're just normal pearls. There are so many of them everywhere on the seabed, some bigger than the size of your head. But... these are yours." Rafayel gently holds his closed fist before he lets go, crossing his arms as he looks away, his ears still slightly red. "You may exchange them for gold later, or I can make them into jewelry for you. They're yours to do with as you please."

Because, how could he tell him with a straight face that they were a manifestation of how deep his feelings for him ran?

Even Rafayel thinks that was pushing it too far.

caleb has carefully built walls around his heart, however, the more time he spends with rafayel, the easier is for him to weave his way through them. for a moment, he says nothing, simply gazing at rafayel with an intensity that could also be a bit overwhelming, his purple eyes glimmering as a smile curls from the corner of his lips. "you have no idea how much that means to me." he murmurs, his hands still cupping the lemurian's face, not wanting to let go. "you say you'll protect me, and i believe you. but please, don't forget i'm not someone who will just stand by and the world hurt you. i'll also shield you from whaterver tries to take away that light in your eyes." in a more playful aura, he bops the tip of his nose with his fingertip. "if you believe i'm enough, i'lll make sure i'm worthy of that trust. so yes, i'll stay long enough, and together, we'll rewrite the ending we thought we were destined for." he feels the atmosphere between them lifting up a bit, no longer feeling tense nor regretting past decisions.

"oh?" he laughs amused, not even being able to hide it. "can you blame me? you were practically screaming for someone to hold you." he finds himself teasing again, comfortable enough to let this playful side of him. "you're right, though. i couldn't stay away even if i wanted to. perhaps you reminded me of something i'd lost, or your fire just called to me." his smiles softens as his fingers trace gentle patterns along the side of his face before leaning closer to press a kiss to his temple, lingering there for a moment before pulling back just enough to meet his gaze, listening to everything he's already planning to do. as he's pulled into a hug, he instinctively reaches to the back of his head, petting him softly as he listens to him. his breath catching slightly as his words paint vivid pictures of distant lands and possibilities, truly of an eternity shared. his arm tighten around him, pulling him closer as well, while fingers tangle in his hair as he leans closer. "i'll show you everything." he whispers, a chuckle leaving his lips as he described so wonderfully some places in earth that might actually not be as appealing as he might think, but the idea of exploring the world together, suddenly made the thought comforting.

"sadly, my life is not as wonderful as you might think. i was not born on a beautiful land nor did i grew up in a pretty place. i was born within walls of stone, hidden deep underground. it was cold, with gas lamps that barely provided any light in that oppressive darkness, full of rusted pipes that dripped water that produced an ominous echo. it also had lot of shelves full with jars of organs suspended in blue liquids, malformed embryos, and monstrosities that blurred the line between human and something else, vials filled with glowing substances, labeled with codes and symbols incomprehensible to anyone but them. i can't take you there, raf. they would do indescribable things to you. it would be like leading you to a life of restraint and pain. i can take you anywhere you want, but that place is off limits." his lips press in a thin line, visible uncomfortable at the memories. and it's when realizes that rafayel already shared some part of his life with him, and he hasn't provide any details of his origin or childhood. "i don't know where i was born, but i grew up in a lab. never met my real parents either, i never had a family. the woman who took me in worked for them, she... also experimented on me. and i'm unsure about her real intentions, why she took me in. can't tell if it was pity or a need to have me close. i don't have a home either, my ship was my home, the sea itself. and there are countless of places on land that bring me pain, i can certainly take you there, were i have lost vital members of my crew. but not there. i know we are strong enough to take them down, but what if..." his brows furrow, getting angry just at the idea of them trapping rafayel and keeping him in a cage. "what if it goes wrong? it's too dangerous."

caleb watches him with a faint smile, looking how he suddenly picks up the pearl. the sudden worries vanish, eyes reflecting amusement once again laced with affection. he kneels slowly to join rafayel, his hand brushing against the other's as he gently takes the pearl to inspect it, holding it up between his fingers. "well, i can appreciate their beauty. i heard they are worth a lot of gold, used in jewelry. but if you asked me, their real worth lies in the story of how they’re made. they’re a reminder that even pain and pressure can make something worth treasuring." he rolls the pearl in his palm before holding it back out, letting it catch the faint glow of light between them. "maybe i should ask what they mean to you first, because i'd like anything, as long as it reminds me of you."

[ostensiblynone]

'I was stoned - didn't feel a thing'

Filed: September 26th 2002 | The Telegraph UK

Noel Gallagher talks to Neil McCormick about spirituality, songwriting, fatherhood, and how he walked away from a spectacular car crash in America

Noel Gallagher recently survived a high-speed, head-on collision in the front passenger seat of a taxi cab in Indianapolis. "It was my first car crash," he cheerfully reports, brusquely asserting that this flirtation with mortality did not represent a life-changing experience. "Nothing flashed before my eyes! Not a fucking thing! It only lasted a couple of seconds. It'd take a lot longer than that for my life to flash by, man!"

Currently on the second half of a world tour with Oasis, the elder Gallagher brother is on typically garrulous form as he recollects the events of August 7. "My mam was on the phone going, 'Thank God you're all right!' The way it was reported in England, it was like I was dragged by my hair from the wreckage of a burning car. The thing is, I was stoned off my nut. It was a day off and I got properly blasted. I didn't feel a thing!"

Noel was returning from a visit to a guitar shop with band members Gem Archer and Andy Bell when the accident happened. "For some reason, I got in the front of the cab. Never done that before, but I'm off me head, right, and I'm looking down this road; it's a beautiful sunny evening; there's a car coming towards us. Then all of a sudden our driver hit the brakes. I sort of looked up, and there was the loudest bang I've ever heard in my life. Then it went really dark because the air bag exploded. So I'm stoned in the dark with two black eyes, and the car alarm's going off, and the taxi driver is shouting in Moroccan or something, and I'm thinking, 'What the fuck is going on? Is this a car bomb?' I kick myself out the door and Gem's got blood pouring out of his nose, but Andy had his seatbelt on, skips out, not a scratch, not even a hair out place. I'm sat on the road, and its blistering hot, and Andy was stood looking over me and - I didn't find this out until two days later - he says the first thing I said was, 'Get us me shades out the car.' Do I rock or what?"

Noel wound up in hospital with neck trauma for which he is still receiving physiotherapy. "All's well that ends well, but I wouldn't recommend it to anybody," he says. "The thing is, I'm a great believer in karma [the Buddhist belief that present actions affect future existence]. I'm always preaching that everything happens for a reason, man. What you give is what you get. Then me and my girlfriend split up, and four days later I'm in a car crash, and I'm thinking, 'But I'm a really good person. Why is this happening to me?'"

What with Noel's self-confessed past drug problems, acrimonious divorce, constant sibling squabbles and generally volatile relationships with a band who always seem on the verge of breaking up, one might imagine he would have every reason to suspect his karma was in a dubious state. However, as even the most cursory inspection of his songwriting canon will reveal, Noel presents himself as optimism personified. "My life's been a celebration," he insists. "Shit goes wrong. Sometimes there's a disturbance in the force, Luke. But this is my destiny. I'm honoured to have been given the gift to write songs and play them to people, because I'm not really good at anything else. I can make my daughter laugh, but that's about it."

Although his tendency is to be flippant, Noel seems to take these concepts seriously. "It seems plausible that what goes around comes around. If you want to be treated with respect, you should at least respect the person that's in your nearest vicinity," he says. "I don't buy organised religion. I actually envy people who go to church on Sunday and sing their arses off and come out feeling a better person, but it's all bullshit to me. My parents were Irish and I was brought up a Catholic, but all it left me with was guilt."

So what does the eternal optimist have to feel guilty about? "I feel guilty that I'm not going to be around every day for my daughter. That eats away at me pretty much all the time. When I see her, and then I have to give her back, and she's crying, 'I don't want to go, Daddy.' But I never felt guilty over the success and the cash. That's what you get given for doing something right."

Noel says he won't attempt to impose any particular beliefs on his two-year-old daughter, Anäis. "She might be able to teach me something, who knows?" he says touchingly. But then he adds: "Knowing her mother, Meg will have her at the Church of Standing on One Leg or something stupid." This brief outburst is the only flash of vindictiveness during our encounter. Little By Little, the new Oasis single (released this week), written and sung by Noel, might be taken as bitter comment on his ex-wife Meg Matthews ("The wheels of your life are slowly falling off"), but Noel insists he is not an autobiographical songwriter.

"The songs have universal appeal; that's why they're such huge songs," he says. "The truth that's in them is a truth to the listener not a statement by the songwriter. I always felt the meaning of Wonderwall was taken away from me by journalists who said it was about Meg. That was a song written about the imaginary fairy on your shoulder that you ultimately believe is going to come and save you from yourself. When I sing it these days, it's about my daughter."

Also included on the single is She is Love, again sung by Noel. He admits, in this case, that it was "inspired" by his former paramour, Sarah MacDonald, but adds: "The song doesn't belong to anyone. It belongs to the people."

Certainly, self-revelation is not Noel's style. "I never truly write from a personal perspective because I have to give it to Liam to sing, and he has to believe the songs are written through him, by me. And my brother is a piss-taker of the highest degree. If he even smells a rat, he goes, 'I'm not having that.'

"So I write from the perspective that there's this imaginary person singing the song, and he's called Noel&Liam. I guess it's a defence mechanism. I'm not allowed to bare my soul. Really, I'm quite a private person and I don't want anybody to know what's going on inside my heart. And then sometimes I worry that I'm not getting it out. When all the shit was going on a couple of years ago, I was going to do a solo record, and I was going to lay it on the line. But then I thought do I really want people to go, 'Ah, there he is. Now we can pigeonhole him'? So I write songs about 'we' and not 'me'. If I'd made a career out of writing songs about myself, there wouldn't be that many people turning up every night, that's for fucking sure!"

That there is a soulful, slightly troubled spirit beneath Noel's surface optimism is not hard to discern. "When I get down, I don't want to pick up a pen," he says. "I go to the pub and get pissed. Wallow. Sit in the corner and be spiteful to strangers in my head. I've just split up with my girlfriend and come out of a car crash, so I'm not writing any songs at the moment. Radiohead would get a box set out of a car crash but I think all my songs should be a celebration. There's enough negativity in the world.

"The first two lines of Hindu Times say it all to me: 'I get up/when I'm down.' I wait for it to pass, until the disturbance in the force has calmed. I wouldn't play a song to this lot in the band that had the opening line of, 'Sitting in my room as the rain pours down the window.' They'd just burst out laughing. Liam would tut and walk out."

So where, I ask him, do all the darker emotions within him go? "I suppose I'm going to have a musical nose-bleed soon," he says. "I can't keep it locked up for ever. I know it's got to come out somewhere. I just don't know if I'm looking forward to it."

[hestzhyen]

Chapter 77 Irrelevant Posting

Hello, dear void... we're definitely on a streak of excellent chapters lately.

Rough TL of the Editor's Notes: First Page: 語られるのは...- [katara reru no wa...] "A conversation..." Last Page: 構える淵天！！いざ！！[kamaeru enten!! iza!!] "Enten at the ready!! Let's go!!"

And a TL of that amazing colour page's text that will no doubt be removed in the official English version:

背負うのは矜持と愛と歪んだ未来- [seou no wa kyouji to ai to yuganda mirai] "Bearing the burden of pride, love, and a distorted future..."

Unnecessarily cruel title placement though, jeez.

HAKURI!!! HE'S STILL REAL! HAKURI HAKURI HAKURIIIIIIIIIIII AAAAAAHHHHHHHH

Alright, now that that's out of my system... how 'bout them apples? Looks like we got our "trio" for Kaugrabachi! And it's the best one I could have asked for, honestly. I love all three of these kids to pieces and I want them to find all the happiness they deserve by the end of the series.

Except... I'm already malding in advance that the English version will remove the text on the colour page. It perfectly summarises the burdens that were passed on by these kid's fathers and so should stay! Hakuri suffered due to Kyora's pride in the Sazanami legacy, Chihiro is suffering thanks to Kunishige's deep parental affection for him, and Iori is suffering because of Samura's fear for what's to come. 背負 [seou] says it all- "to carry on one's back", "to be burdened with", "to take responsibility for". These poor kids are in so much pain because of what they've inherited to struggle with- and the pain even extends beyond them because of how much influence their fathers have/had. Innocent people are caught up in their misery too but only the children bear responsibility for what happened. This is the core theme of Kagurabachi! And there are a lot of readers who could stand to be reminded that this series is more than just "cold lines" and "aura farming"!

Okay. One more TL note before we get into the chapter. The title of it in Japanese is 蚊帳の外 [kaya no soto], an idiom. The literal meaning is "outside of the mosquito net" and it's similar to "out of the loop" or "left in the dark"- someone being purposefully excluded for one reason or another, usually because they don't fit in. Keep this in mind for later!

Some Guy

This guy gets a name and we are STILL using fandom nicknames for recurring characters lol.

吉田貫龍 [Yoshida Kanryuu] - will we see this guy again? Why did we get his name, if not to tease him reappearing (or the author trolling us)? Given his surprising connection to Samura, he might not just be a one-off though. Perhaps just to drive the point home that Samura fucking cares a lot about everyone, like how we got Fuura Ryo's name in chapter 57.

The family name Yoshida is made up of the kanji 吉 [yoshi, good luck/fortune/auspiciousness] and 田 [da, rice field, rice paddy] to make a very generic last name implying bountiful rice harvests. Kanryuu is made up of 貫 [kan, pierce/penetrate] and 龍 [ryuu, dragon/imperial dragon/mythical creature] to make "pierced dragon" for an insanely cool given name.

It seems to strange to start a fight chapter with a seemingly random artist talking about his depiction of a phoenix, doesn't it? But Mr. Yoshida being connected to the Seitei War and being saved by Samura is a framing device for this chapter.

We saw a lot of Samura's flaws during the flashbacks to Iori's past and him being played by Yura. He's a bad dad even though he tries his best, he barely functions as a person- it really seemed like he was struggling a lot and maybe just a smidge pathetically too. Mr. Yoshida doesn't change anything with his initial appearance here. But...

You're now aware we never saw his right hand in frame until these panels.

No wonder this guy painted something downright biblical to represent his Seitei War experience! The Bearers must have seemed like gods on the battlefield.

Samura is a saviour; he wants to rescue people no matter what. (Maybe it's the brainrot talking, but who else does that remind you of, kind void? Hmm? Maybe a certain guy who gave himself literal brain damage to try and save Uruha? Perhaps the guy who got a million paper cuts saving an audience in a theater?) And he did just that in spectacular fashion this chapter; Hokazono-sensei really went all-out with the artwork this week before the break. Goddamn there were so many cool shots.

But yeah. Samura's not just a sadsack guy with too much unmanaged anxiety; he's mercy incarnate. He will bring salvation one way or another, even if it's through death (and rebirth).

Theories on what, if any, limitations Suzaku has are still up in the air though. Hiruhiko tried to test them and we can confidently say there's no cooldown interval or target selection restrictions. I think we'll find out what they are sooner or later, probably as a dramatic reveal of some kind.

Interesting that Samura's eyes couldn't or wouldn't be healed though. Not much more needs to be said- he's stuck in his mindset and will keep punishing himself to atone and save. My current (largely unfounded) theory is that Samura stays blind by choice and his using his own life force to do those spectacular feats with Suzaku; almost quite literally setting himself on fire to save others. C'mon and prove me wrong, author! Being completely off-base is my favourite past time besides rotating Hakuri and HakuHiro in my brain 24/7.

Three-Way Sword Fight

As was predicted in chapter 61, so it has come to pass.

The text on the chapter 61 page was "intersecting motives". I love this manga.

We got our three-way clash of ideals and skill and holy shit was it epic!

Samura trying to cut them both at once to end things quickly, Hiruhiko having a moment of hubris, and Chihiro being focused on saving himself for confronting Samura... what an amazing chapter.

Got a lot more insight into Hiruhiko too so let's talk about it. I won't be bashing him, promise. Neutrality is the name of the game.

Even feral toddler > nameless mook in a suit in Kagurabachi.

Hiruhiko not caring about anyone or anything is in line with his character as we knew it to this point. He's a very nonchalant kinda guy who just wants to have a good time, and unfortunately for innocent people that happens to involve a lot of injury and murder apparently. Because it's just one more thing he can do- no different from, say, going to an amusement park or playing video games. Being a killer is part of his self-image and he embraces it with open arms.

Why is he this way, though? Maybe he was just born with it. Maybe it's adaptive apathy as self-defence. Maybe it's because he apparently wasn't raised with much care early on in his life. We don't know, really, so choose what you want to believe until the author makes the reveal. He killed someone trying to assault him at the age of three and that's what unlocked his natural talent for fighting and killing, yes. But the mindset of why he doesn't care about it is yet to be explained. Another thing to put off for the future.

Nice title drop, bro.

It's Hiruhiko's hubris that did him in again. For the third time. He doesn't care about anything except fighting Chihiro, so he writes Samura off for the second time in like 5 minutes. Chihiro knows better and refuses to engage. Cue Hiruhiko getting wiped. He's the one who doesn't belong and maybe it'll finally sink in.

I don't think he's going down this arc despite experiencing his well-deserved third loss (and losing another arm to boot). Samura leaving Hiruhiko alive at his lowest point ever when he absolutely could have killed him there isn't just mercy, it's probably the set up for Hiruhiko becoming a legitimate threat somehow in the future. The kid's been trounced three times in a row while trying to connect to Chihiro and had all his feelings crushed too. He's definitely got strong motivations to stop messing around with his "freedom" schtick and learn some real combat techniques. I'm putting my bets on Hiruhiko coming back strong as hell despite all the slander he's going to get the next two weeks.

Will he keep Kumeyuri though? Well... jury's hung on that. Interesting that he's got zero compatibility with the sword! Maybe a different blade would suit him better?

Not a great match for the Enchanted Blade you bonded to? Just buffer underflow and glitch into God Mode, bro.

His True Realm for Kumeyuri is manipulating anything as he desires with no respect. This could be an extremely formidable move if he keeps the blade somehow.

It also says something about Uruha, though.

I miss you too, Kunishige.

Play requiring the user to have immense respect for and practise with the objects they manipulate means Uruha was someone who treated things with care most likely. He cooed over Enten and it was funny, but he also placed an accurate "value" on his own life at the train station. He also understood the weight of the Bearer's lives even though Samura didn't agree with him. Not to mention how utterly devastated he was after learning about Kunishige's death. Sensitive soul Uruha's definitely on the board!

As for Chihiro vs. Samura, well.

Time to show your stuff, Chihiro.

My personal (again, unfounded) theory is that Chihiro will win the fight by breaking Tobimune similar to how he broke Kuregumo when fighting Sojo. Samura's a goddamn Dark Souls boss right now with teleportation on top of blisteringly fast swordplay on top of apparently infinite regeneration/revival. Chihiro's good with a sword and the White Purity style now, but he's no match for Samura most likely. So break the thing that makes him so threatening then see what happens next.

Tobimune, just as a reminder, is written as 飛宗 - Soaring Faith (lit. "flying religion"). It's a sword for someone devoted heart, body, and soul to their beliefs and it enables them to act on them. Samura's True Realm being Suzaku is a sign of how sincere he is in not wanting to kill but save! So if Chihiro can break that faith, he can stop Samura in his tracks without needing to kill him. I hope we get another "conversation" sword fight between them where Chihiro wins by shattering his opponent's way of thinking. (Please. I'm begging on my hands and knees.)

I don't think Samura would pick up Kumeyuri to continue the fight. It's not a reflection of who he is and if he's no longer able to use Tobimune, he can't accomplish his goals anyway. He needs the scouting ability to find the Hishaku and the teleportation to catch them. So... maybe, finally, he'll have a chat with Chihiro then Iori.

I'm usually wrong though so this break week is gonna be tough to sit through.

Just One More (Inconsequential) Thing

OK, gay pink frog guy.

The EN TL nerfed Hiruhiko's gayness here a little bit. Not much, just toned down the language and didn't carry over the poetic feel of his inner monologue towards Chihiro.

Obviously I'm not a professional, but my fairly amateur take is here if anyone wants to compare: Hiruhiko: Chihiro, you alone are special. Hiruhiko: You gave me meaning. (Chihiro: No. That's why... we seek to kill each other.) Hiruhiko: For the first time, I want something more- crossing Enchanted Blades and reaching the zenith by killing each other. Hiruhiko: I'll give everything I've got... Hiruhiko: ...to make it happen!!

And here's the original Japanese for folks who want to check my work or do it themselves:

千鉱 お前だけは特別なんだよ

お前は意味くれた (違う だから 殺し合う) そんなお前と初めて妖刀を持ち合い最高潮に殺し合える

そのためならどこまでも 頑張ろうと思える

最高潮 [saikouchou] specifically means climax/peak/zenith/apex so... I chose the more poetic option, but "climax" is perfectly valid too lol. Mostly though, Hiruhiko's being so damn passionate about Chihiro as the first person he's ever cared about beyond himself and I wish that was conveyed more in the official translation is all. He's completely serious about being "friends" by fighting to the death.

OK dear void! A Hakuri sighting and a badass fight with more to come- what a wonderful chapter. I'll see you in two weeks for more blathering of nonsense. Stay well and be kind to yourself until then!

[mswyrr]

In a literary sense, I consider killing Lenore Dove Baird basically the final moral line crossed in Coriolanus' corruption arc. It connects to several important things. First, Collins has him sincerely liking and caring about little Maude Ivory, Lenore Dove's mother, when they were both kids. She has him find out about Maude Ivory's mental health issues due to Lucy Gray's Games and then lovingly give her a gift of sweets to "get some happy in her head" (tbosas 422). Using the Covey phrase and participating in what the older kids/adults of the Covey are trying to do to help Maude Ivory. It's not a coincidence that he kills Lenore Dove with poison sweets. What was once love has turned to poison, a gift that was affirming of life has become death because the giver has so changed in the decades of terrible choices that have passed.

Second, family used to mean everything to him as a child. Both the name and love for the people. In SOTR, he kills the last Baird -- Lucy Gray's niece, Maude Ivory's daughter, and the name itself -- and destroys the family he might have joined. We know from the main series that it's after SOTR that he and Tigris have their full split from each other too. He becomes someone who cannot be family to the person who loved him most and who he once loved deeply.

The granddaughter in the films somewhat complicates this -- but in the books there's a reading that he makes himself incapable of that kind of sincere familial love. There's no wife or kids mentioned in STOR, even if they exist. We only hear about his "work wife"/twisted mother figure and partner for 15 years minimum in creating more and more sadistic Games, Gaul (stor, 190). And Collins writes him as someone with *no heir*. No futurity -- Gaul was able to create an heir for herself by turning a teen into a "mutt," a Frankenstein's monster, but he's not even able to do that by the end. He's symbolically non-generative, infertile (obligatory Fisher King reference here). That's huge for someone who was so driven by family and legacy.

Third, there's the visual symbolism. Those damn angelic curls! He's in his late 50s and he still has them, albeit in a highly fake and controlled way. "His head dips slightly and a lacquered silvery blond curl falls onto his forehead" (sotr, 86). He's sort of the rotten image of the boy he once was -- the boy who gave Maude Ivory those sweets sincerely. By the time we see him again in the main series, he's defined visually by being snakelike.

Last but not least - the forest is a teenager having a breakdown. It's not something he couldn't have turned away from, on to a better path. That is an opinion that fire cannot burn from me. But Lenore Dove is an adult killing the niece of the girl he loved. Destroying what remains of her *family.* Her blood. It's like killing Lucy Gray again - for real and certain this time. No breakdown, no mystery and hallucinations. No delusions of it being self defense. With intent and premeditated. (And kudos to the casting of Lenore Dove - Whitney Peak looks so much like Rachel Zegler!). Putting his foot to the floor and gunning it over that final line in his corruption arc.

And then just to zoom out a bit to my pov on all of this -- I think, in the subtle magic realism going on, Haymitch literally laying Louella's death at his feet was a kind of prophetic moment. A call to see what all of this really is. Which he responds to by taking his poison of choice (actual poison) to silence his mind, the way Haymitch would use alcohol to silence his mind. I feel like opportunities to see what he was doing came like that, again and again. Which is why he repeated the (otherwise stupid) cycle of poisoning himself to kill others again and again.

As a vision of what corruption and evil actually ARE, I love it. It's so hopeful! So many moments to see what you're doing, so many chances to stop.

And I do think keeping his word to not lie to Katniss--and specifically telling her the truth about Coin--is -- not a moment of turning away (I think the last chance at that passes in SOTR but you could argue otherwise), but another example of how hopeful this story can be about people. One tiny shred of the boy who cared so much about honor was left and something good could be made of that by Katniss' choice. Lucy Gray was right and Gaul was wrong. There is "a natural goodness built into human beings" and we do all, on some level, sense when "you’ve stepped across the line into evil" (tbosas 496). And going against it is a lifetime of hard work, choice after choice after choice after choice, burying the person you might have been and the better world you could have been part of alive. And a hell of a lot of other people too.

It's a lie that some people are just "born evil" because their brains aren't neurotypical. It's, in particular, a lie fascists have used to justify the mass murder of mentally ill people. So - you'll forgive me for throwing that shit out in the trash where it belongs! That's not what Collins is saying.

And it's a lie that good people are just effortlessly good. It's a lie that's incredibly dangerous--especially as the cost of following our own inner goodness becomes higher and higher: that's what tyrants and fascists *do*--because it leaves people ill equipped to deal with going through impossible, painful things, being broken and damaged and tainted and still choosing good. It makes the stakes unclear.

It would have been better, by far, to die of exposure in the wilderness at 18 holding Lucy Gray's hand than to return to Gaul and become what Coriolanus became. It would have been an appalling thing, an obscene tragedy, for two children to die like that just because they loved each other and didn't want to participate in evil. And it's understandable why teen Coriolanus has a breakdown, unable to face the very real possibility of it. But it would have been better. Because the other option was a living death, with everything that was once alive inside rotting and turned to poison.

[firstkanaphans]

wandee goodday anon reporting back, i enjoyed it so very much. loved the characters, loved the dynamics, wanted to punch dr ter in the nose a few times. i loved that there wasn't a episode 11 of doom?? and how generally light and colourful the show is, both in mood and visually especially as i watched never let me go (phuwin's kissing is my enemy but that's off topic) just before lmao, the contrast was something else.

i also was delighted to have a side couple that a) was established from the start and b) only had drama totally unrelated to their relationship and stayed wholesome and loving each other the whole time, cher bestest boyfriend/brother in law/son in law/gym manager 💕💕.

the whole one night stand to fwb to fake dating thing in 2.5 episodes was hilarious and so was the fake dating to swimming in denial for about the whole rest of the show taking about one or two episodes, thank god yak got clarity soon enough because i would've tried to punch him too but he ended up having the patience of an angel. i was highly entertained that being seen in a same sex relationship as a public figure was a problem for him that lasted a whole 5 minutes too.

dee is the loveliest bean and i love a character who stands their ground when the person who rejected them just magically realises their feelings when a new love interest appears, like how many times was ter basically told to get lost ffs.

oh right i also love a forgiving parents for things that are actually forgivable moment because i've had enough of the shittiest parents of the decade in drama-land crying over their faults for a minute and the kids are like yknow what it's okay i don't mind about the trauma you gave me anymore ✌️🤪

had fun spotting a few places from other shows (golf's gay café, vivi's place in love sea -love what they did to it btw, dee's place might be one of my favourite fiction apartments-, boston's pace) and had even more fun laughing at emi's hair extensions, who did that to my girl?? and that ~american~ champion whatshisname's thick ass french accent.

all in all, 10/10 show, greatinn are wonderful together, might rewatch in the future, can't wait for the memoir of rati heartbreak (i was already looking forward to it bc of actual plot reasons but now that i've seen the guys in it can act good and kiss pretty, it's all bonus points).

I'm so glad you liked it! Sorry it took so long for me to respond to this. I was actually in the process of re-watching Wandee Goodday myself and wanted to finish it before I answered this ask. It's such a good show and stands up very well even on a rewatch.

Since you watched after the fact, you avoided most of the fandom drama, but when I tell you people hated this show and yet continued watching week after week just to shit on it. It was one of my more bizarre fandom experiences for sure. Like I get why there was drama surrounding Only Friends. I don't get why there were such a visceral reaction to a cute little romcom.

The highlights for me were the incorporation of casual sex into the narrative in a way I felt was realistic and, of course, OyeiCher who still have my whole heart. Emi's extensions were an absolute travesty.

One thing I did notice on my rewatch which I missed the first time through is that Yak often switches his polite particle to "ka" when talking to Dee, which is very soft and flirtatious. The reason it stood out to me is that I've noticed Great does this with Inn too and I wonder if it was his choice to change the dialogue rather than something that was in the script?

Memoir of Rati only has 2 or 3 Qs left, so I'm hoping we will get it by June. I have a lot of faith in this screenwriter and am very excited to see GreatInn again because I miss them terribly 😭

[swiiivet-screamathon]

Addendum: What does the Sage of Truth skin tell us about Shadow Milk?

Hi, yeah, noticed a uh, mistake, of mine lmao

In the og post I mentioned that I wasn't certain what the Sage was about, as it surely wasnt the past and was unlikely to be the future

but turns out thats quite obviously his silhouette right there

So assuming that this isnt some fabrication from Elder Faerie and is indeed proper canon, that's a flashback, not a reconstruction

That the Sage of Truth is Canonically Pre-Beast Shadow Milk, we can then more confidently start making assumptions and deductions with that groundwork

Now I still hold my ground from the original post that they are very very similar to each other, and having picked at his character thoroughly through my own writings I can decently confidently say that the Character of Smilk has never changed, the only thing Beast-ifying did for him was change his Worldview

He is still playful "Well, well, well! Are we ready for some tomfoolery?" "Now now, I'm not like those other academics." "Time for some real DRAMA!" "Ugh, come on! Why do you refuse enlightenment?!" "Liar, liar, pants on fire!" "Aright, let's put your knowledge to the test!" "A Fount of Knowldge. A-who could that be?!"

He is still cheeky, condescending at times "Think! What if all yoru life is a lie?" "Do I really need to spell out everything? Come on, think!" "Oh no, you got tricked? (Blows raspberry) Well, TOO BAD!" "Why does everyone try so hard to hide their ignorance? Tsk!" "If I told you I'm a liar, would that be a lie...?"

He still holds his beliefs with confidence "The Cookie of Truth? That's-a-me!" "Hope is nothing else but a cheap trick of the mind!" "The Truth is born in dispute." "We all live for some spicy drama, amirite?" "Admitting your ignorance is the first steps towards the Truth!" "A tiny droplet of deceit can bring down a might empire." "The key to the greatest theorem is often... pretty small!" "Truth is... the world is built upon lies." "I can always find an answer. Even if it means "no answer"." "A blade's edge is what seperates Truth from Deceit." "The more you know, the less you know!" "The arts, academia, technology, magic... Truth exists everywhere!" "The Truth reveals itself through creation!" "Hogwash, rubbish, BOLONEY! I will not tolerate any!" "See the Truth, and you shall know all!"

He still performs theatrics "Let the show BEGIN!" "Let the show begin!" "Why the looooong face?" "Tis I, your humble jester, here to brighten up your mood!" (Done through sing-song) "The arts, academia, technology, magic... Truth exists everywhere!" "Well, well, well! Are we ready for some tomfoolery?" "A WOLF!!! HELP! A WOLF! ... He he..."

He still likes showing off and being center of attention, people finding him specifically important and making himself important "Excuse me? I'm so sorry to disturb you... But I'm still THE MAIN CHARACTER here!" "There you are! Time for some magic!" "Welcome, folks! Ready for some giggles?" "Who's hungry for knowledge? (Oh!) Come 'ere!" "Whoah, PAL! You don't wanna get on my BAD side!" "Ooooh, are you proposing a debate? Alright, but no backsies!" "Fool me once? Crumbling to see you try!" "Think I'm wrong? Very well, present your case!" "You want in on a scrumptious little secret, mm?" "Ah, the origins of magic! Buckle up, you're in for a ride!" "Raise the curtains! The show begins...!"

There's also a belief that these desires are natural that I didn't mention last time "Ever told a lie? Then we're pals!" "Craving for the Truth is as natural as simply existing!"

And a very curious part to me, is that he indulged in creative works, like, at all, "Art can heal the soul!" "Playwright, poet, actor, and sage! All is MOI!"

I'll elaborate on that in a minute

Like at no point does any of Sage's dialogue ever come across as something that'd be out of character for Smilk, although he might not say those exact words in that order, he's not speaking with the intonation or intention of someone like Cacao and he speaks his words. As a person he has not fundamentally changed. At most he's become more theatrical and a little less... demeaning? Not holding others to a standard. Because unlike Sage where he wanted others to try to value the Truth and was disappointed when they wouldn't-- Smilk is confident that you are a liar, that everyone is a liar, so has no reason to be disappointed when you tell the truth because the moment you spoke a lie, something he believes everyone to have done, then you are permanently labelled a liar, you will almost certainly already have his mark before you ever met. But that's not exactly a character upheaval by any means.

The only thing we're really missing from Sage is the loneliness and anger that riddles Smilk, but given he doesn't demonstrate it either in the overworld its hard to make any judgements on how Sage feels, if he's either joyous to have followers or if he feels isolated for having no one on his level intellectually, if he's really just a chill guy now and doesn't ever get angry or if he does have specific triggers that send him into violent outbursts and we just happen to never encounter them-- any comment beyond "they seem to differ in this aspect" would just be assuming, not deducing.

So, what other information can we garner if so far the only difference we've found is that one believes in the Truth and the other Deceit?

Well we can start with a pretty basic exercise, their differences in behaviour physically.

With Smilk the more physically intensive the task the more upset he is about doing it, with the easier jobs he seems considerably more bored. The one time he stands on solid ground is when he's hammering, where he exerts the absolute least amount of effort possible with the tiniest tool out of all the ones he uses. The only one he enjoys is the one he can be theatrical with, demonstrating to at least some capacity, (though canonicity questionable given this is on kingdom grounds and not in the story) that he's willing to do things for others if it means he gets to do what he wants. He'll absolute shill for you if it means he can go hogwild w it lol.

Sage comparatively has normal sized tools and puts in reasonable effort when doing all the tasks, seeming either neutrally pleasant with most of the intensive activities whilst enjoying the easier ones considerably. He also stands on solid ground for almost half the tasks, implying less of a need to rely on his flying abilities compared to Smilk. Given his only unique expression being calm that also happens to mirror Smilk's perfectly (Leaning back, cross-legged, leaning on the other arm) is when watering flowers. It thus becomes possible to deduce that he might find watering flowers relaxing, possibly even in the present day, and that there's another reason that has nothing to do with watering of why he's seemingly not interested in the activity in present day.

It also brings up an interesting question, if we know that Sage is Smilk in the past, canon and all, then who is the other guy? The guy I claimed to be the Fount of Knowledge?

And I would still argue that to be the Fount, and I would still argue that Sage is not the Fount.

A key part of their differences is Sage's lack of hair eyes, the only eye iconography in their actual design is on their hat and staff, neither of which do a whole lot of blinking in any capacity. And given that the hat has both closed and open eyes I don't think it's too wild to say that the connections between him and eyes are superficial at best, nothing beyond most of our own assumptions when it comes to truth and lies, that you keep your eyes open to see the truth of the world and close them to hide from the truth, so him being the representative of knowledge would of course have both facets available to him, not that much deeper than that.

There are a couple things we can automatically deduce from the very little we know of the Fount:

He Had at some point swapped from White to Black clothes. The whiteness of his hair had lessened and it's now its 3 pronged state, it still has the galaxy pattern that the sage does and the gradient seems to stay darker for longer. He still has the forehead symbol. He at some point swapped the Souljam's placement off his chest and onto his staff. Eye iconography is stronger but has not yet adorned his hair. The elements are important somehow as they show up in the bg. During this time he still had followers but they one by one 'ate the apple' and abandoned Fount's teachings to embrace lying. His staff is still a key.

The only thing I feel confident in deducing is that this is just before the beast-ening, this is what he looked like the final days before he too succumbed and chose the path of the beast. And although less confident I feel confident enough to deduce that something actionable happened between Sage & Fount, and I think whatever that was is the cause of the hair split, the cause of the eye iconography becoming more prevalent and most likely the cause of everyone abandoning his teachings; though if I try to argue that further we leave analysis and enter headcanon so lol.

And a final piece to note, is that they both have access to the other-realm, shown in their rabbit idle, although Sage has some gold streaks in theirs. Which although not inherently notable as I'm like, a little confident that it's just the Souljam's externalized land, "bigger on the inside blue box rock", I do find it mildly notable though because either he got it from the witches, implying that such a power would in some capacity help them out when it comes to managing the world, creation and/or his ability for knowledge-- Or as a fresh cookie he decided to gain that power through other means somehow, how he would do that I'm not particularly confident, but I don't think that detail should be overlooked at all.

Getting back to thing I mentioned earlier, the strangeness of Sage participating in the arts, is from a thing I noticed that made me actually write this thing, its been sitting in my drafts for ages lol.

And that's a connection between all the beasts' understanding of their own virtue and something that consistently trips them up about it, something I had accidentally laid the groundwork for.

Sbice from day one was heralded for his combat, change has always since he popped out of the oven been defined by slaughter, which as I pointed out in part 1 is not the only way change exists. Moving to a new place is change, having a child is change, even just tiny things like hanging up a new picture up on the wall is change, none of these things have anything at all to do with death but are all still changes in someone's life. But Sbice never got that aspect of his virtue.

Mystic granted wishes for everyone in the name of volition, or, well, not everyone, not those who were cruel and evil. Volition still encapsulates those people, they still enact upon their own volition to be terrible, awful people. Someone chose to assault a guy, another chose to shoot a stranger, a third chose to torture an innocent; these things all still fall under volition. But Mystic couldn't handle that.

And my hypothesis as to why he's the Sage of Truth is that he believed knowledge was synonymous with the truth, that lying wasn't knowledge-- but it is. If I tell you the world is shaped like a bowl of spaghetti you now know that information, its not the truth but you still know that I told you that. Truth is also not objective in any way, time is relative, gravity is relative, our perspectives are relative, our lives is relative, the truth will and does change depending on dozens and hundreds of factors. I could tell you that it is false and untrue if I say the statement "I am a cis man." but that is true for someone who's actually a cis man, someones truth is not everyones truth. Which is why his participation and respect for the arts is so interesting to me, because they are inherently a fabrication of truth, within the world of the art anything can be true, but it's almost never, ever true for the real world. Even stuff like auto-biographies or documentaries will inherently be skewed by the fact that you're just taking a portion of existence, a tiny sliver of it, that inherently removes infinite amount of context which is required to define 100% of the media as "true"-- But the type of art he consumes are stage plays, a medium that's inherently deceitful by a mile, because a lot of the time it asks the audience for things that aren't real, you apply your suspension of disbelief when watching a play. The actors say they're in a castle when really they're on an elevated wooden platform, there are no castles in the vicinity, and that king you're speaking to certainly has no royal credentials I'm aware of! So what gives? Is my hypothesis flawed and there is no problem Sage trips over? Not quite-- I think the case is that he's in the same boat as Mystic, knowledge is good! But not all knowledge. Theaters and Media in general are consensual lying, you go there expecting to be lied to, and those lies are often the whole appeal of going. But non consensual lies, which still fit under the definition of knowledge, thats no good-- We can also take the deductions backwards too, we know that Smilk believes that 'all lies work best with drops of truth in them' and 'truth can be dismantled and ruined if a single drop of deceit is inlaid', he believes that because that's the lesson he learnt as the Sage, that his truth wasn't good enough to stand on its own, that fact by itself isn't won't convince anyone ... Or, well, the reason why he learnt that lesson was because of other cookies, as they abandoned his teachings to pursue the sweetness of deceit, his truths stopped mattering, fewer and fewer cared about them anymore, they weren't as good as the lies that were told. He focused so hard on the importance of truth and fact with some indulgence in the arts that the rest of knowledge was neglected, leading cookies to search for that instead. One must accept all knowledge, but Truth is all that mattered to Sage.

There's not else a ton of note what I can tell, the bond story still isn't particularly relevant unless we really want to fanfic some "Pv has lived through the same cycle of history since the dawn of cookie-time" or an alternative "Pv is a standin for a real past figure without being the literal figure but smilk is the literal figure of smilk" but that's insane for an analysis who's trying to asses facts lmao

So given all the info that was presented in part 1 and now with this Sage information, what can that tell us about Smilk's Redemption possibilities?

It doesn't give us a ton to work off of, since redemption isn't a circle, it's very unlikely that a redeemed Smilk would just be Sage again, they'd probably look different from one another.

It does give the implication that the more gold accents Smilk gets the more "good" he is but shhh thats just patterns not deductions lmao.

What it does mean is that its incredibly likely that the lesson Smilk has to learn to be redeemed is the exact same lesson that Pv learnt, that both are important; you cannot abandon deceit and lies, it's a part of existence, being conscious and having autonomy-- plus his students and listeners abandoning him are proof that trying to abandon it once more will simply repeat history. But of course you cannot abandon the truth either, existing in a world without truth is impossible, its one of those ideas thats impossible to imagine, same as 'imagine nothing, no not blackness, actual nothing', facts are facts of existing, things just are, a rock will exist, space will exist, atoms will exist, those are all facts and truths of the everything. Although as discussed in the part 1 he absolutely hasn't at his core abandoned truth, in this very addendum I explained that he recognizes the importance of truth in lies, someone who has denounced truth completely wouldn't believe such a thing, so given he's clearly swimmin in the deceit sauce and believes in the value of truth what gives? What he has to learn is why the truth is so important to fight for to begin w, lies are comforting and sweet, they alleviate your fears and solve your problems, what does the truth have in it that makes it good, that makes it worthwhile? Because without an answer to that question it automatically makes deceit seem like the better choice, there's reason to fall for it, and none for the truth. He will never recover if he doesn't figure out the answer.

And yk what, since we're at the end of the post I'll indulge a bit and go on a wild tangent-- If I'm comparing them anyways why not go on a wild tangent and demonstrate the reasoning as to why I always draw Smilk w disembodied limbs-- It has literally nothing to do w Smilk redemption but if we're going deep dive into Sage then why not lmao

Though first lets tackle the easier out of the two, demonstrating is his neckless-ness

Don't get scared about his stretched head I took 10 tries to get a clear enough screenshot I'm not tryin again lmao

If simply seeing him plop his head off isn't proof enough for you, it's a magic trick or somethin, heads not really detached at all times-- well then technically I can't prove that outright, but I can say it'd be strange if that was a spell he was pulling off every single second he lives, leading me to question whether the difference is semantics at that point anyways lol

Given what we know of cookies who show their body/head connections clearly, both old and new cookies, it is shown that the head tends to sink in just a little bit into the body, having the shoulders come out from the theoretical lower jaw of the cookies

And to me I just don't see that like, at all on Smilk's outfit, if I were to imagine what he'd look like taking off the ruff I don't think the shoulders would go that high, because w/o the souljam being in the way we'd be able to see his entire head, it doesn't go that far down; I see picture 1. And especially if we believe picture 2 to be correct and it does indeed connect, meaning the shoulders have to raise up through the thickness of the ruff, I believe it would then make complete sense if when Smilk detached his head we would see his body through the neck hole, it has to be big enough to fit his entire fat neck after all. But it doesn't, it just shows roughly where the neck hole should be, but not only does it not show the body in any capacity it's also by far too deep to fit his neck in, that hole depth is for someone with a neck as tall as people, not a species like cookies where saying they have a neck at all is dubious at best.

Hopefully no doubts here? I don't think this should have to be headcanon at all or even somethin I have to prove, but if ya wanna analyse ya gotta back your stances up.

Now then, what about those hands?

(Me lookin through my sources finding him do a hairflick might be the best thing to come out of this addendum lmao)

What I could find this is every single instance where we should be able to very clearly see the arms got into the ruff, and there's 2 things I need to prove.

That the ruff is indeed hollow to the same capacity the the neck ruff is, where we would actually see the arms at all in the first place, and that it isn't simply a stylistic choice.

We'll get to the second part of that after, because the first part is trickier to say for certain to me. All of the images except for 2 shows a reasonable amount of "That hand is not connected to an arm, I should be seeing that arm if it was" to me, but nothing really definitive as proof of much of anything. The two in question are these ones.

(The right image is control, if we should view anything as a "definitive" design it should probably be that one)

Top left looks like in any reasonable sane universe there should absolutely be an arm poking through to some capacity, his hand is too far away from the ruff to all the explanation that the ruff is simply hiding the arm like it's possible to argue in most of the other images.

The bottom left one however is, strange-- It is art from the game so dismissing it outright feels incorrect to do, but that's still not his design? His arm ruffs don't curve inwards like a cone like that, it can be up in the air what that slightly darker blue tone is inside the ruff but that tone definitively does exist like, at all lol, so why it wasn't drawn in that instance is alluding me.

If that's not conclusive enough, which fair, we can tackle the second question; perhaps it is just stylization after all, so how do they treat similar scenarios? Smilk ain't the only sleeved character who holds something after all.

This is what I can tell every cookie that applies for our question

Cookies that have long enough sleeves and big enough objects to hide the arm in the first place that are holding objects with their hands wrapped behind the object, and it seems that there are a lot of "there r no rules" here.

Match, Pearl & Pomegranate being the least helpful as they don't have revealed hands at all

Alchemy, Clover, Velvet, Snow & Sapphire all have their arms/hand connections visible, although harder to spot on some than others

Cacao, Choco, Onion & Herb have objects that are too big to be able to see anything anyways

Cotton can be hard to tell but every time she puts her lamp down she shows that she has her arm out at all times

I misinterpreted Prune's design there, he doesn't wear sleeves he wears gloves, so duh do we get several perspectives of his arms showing, they're not hidden in any way after all lol-- I also misinterpreted Yam's design, it looked like it was a hollow void the same as Smilk's but it seems that it was just an attempt and really bad failure at perspective, that's supposed to be a glove/gauntlet but because of the perspective fail it now looks like it's much much wider than it actually is

Mint has an even worse case of disembodied hand than Smilk does but it does very much seem to be a strange perspective issue rather than it missing completely

Our closest matches imo are Frost Queen, Affogato, Cream Puff, Rebel, Vampire & Pure Vanilla, Pvs already being disqualified because his hand shape is drawn differently, unlike the half circle the others get he gets this slanted raindrop shape, implying the arm perfectly adequately. If we look at even a single piece of art for them though, and uh

Whoops, I can see some arms in those arts, although rebel looks like he got a third elbow lmao-- all duds there

Or wait, hold on, Vampire isn't there... What's that supposed to mean op?

Well apparently it means that Vampire has like, 4 pieces of official art and exactly 0 opportunities in any of his sprites to show off his arms in any manner, he always holds his glass the very exact same way or his hand is just barely peeking out from the sleeve. It never looks obviously wrong like it does w Smilk, it doesn't ever give the impression that beneath his sleeves we would find a lack of wrists and other extremities-- Mguy just needs an event sometime soon ig lol

So given all of our examples for how CRK handles this type of character design, unless Vampire wants to disprove us somehow I don't think there's a strong enough argument to say this is within their m/o, and that Smilk should in some capacity have their arms shown

And finally, why I brought this up in the Sage section at all, is because of 2 points, one regarding to each limb lol

The first is what made me think of it in the first place, that Sage replaced the juggle animation with a new one, so now the only evidence to the disconnected head is the same body proportion issue that was mentioned previously, but making any conclusions from that would be jumping too large of a hurdle I think-- though I wouldn't call anyone out if they came to the conclusion that if asked Sage couldn't juggle his head because it's thoroughly attatched

For me though the hands feel more compelling

To me that looks incredibly obvious that it makes complete sense that Sage's hand continues under the sleeve, and the thing that's cutting it off is not a vague nebulous space but it's the lineart, the fact that the lineart color is the same color as the inside of the sleeve is what makes it look like it disappears prematurely but recolor the linart to be a distinct color and it will look like it makes complete sense

The closest angle we have with the same posed hand is that surprised one, that hand is not bent it is stretched out. The lineart of the ruff and the strange void thing are not the same color, those two things should be two distinct planes of the object, that hand should continue up to the lineart if there was an arm to connect to.

I rest my case ^^

And also for funsies the puppet looks like it has arms better than any present day Smilk's do lol

(warning the keep reading section is really really long -- also bestie logged into the pc vers of tumbrlr just so i could ensure i got this written out how i wanted lmao)

ok i recognize that this might be a contentious subject given how my for you page has been, so just like mini warning i am very fragile & scared so pls dont be too mean if you disagree w me here lol

but i just have to write about it in a fashion that like, anyone can read about it? the thoughts are holding me in a chokehold and i need to be let free so let me vent lmao

ever since i rejoined crk w the intent of dissecting its story i wanna see when they fix the gaping plot hole w white lily lmao i've been writing out my complaints & strange things i've noticed, but one of the things i wrote there is about this subject:

I think out of our current known beasts, Shadow Milk has the highest possibility of being redeemed.

i'll immediately mention that I recognize my bias, i like the guy, i think he a goofy feller who chews the scenery really really hard and is in love w his own voice cause he has so much charm in his way of speakin, so ofc that automatically has to be taken account when i write this up, but i make this claim from the facts i know of with reasonable assumptions based off the facts, or at least i am trying to-- if it's any assurance I also like handsome jack & springtrap but think redemption is off the table for them, this is not coming from "i want every character i like to be a good guy" i do genuinely think it's possible. i also very much know "i just wanna" is not a valid argument lmao-- also quick mention I haven't finished chap 3 of oddessy or the dragon book, so if im missin info you have to wait for an addendum lol

anyways, i think the easiest point is to mention the contrast between him & the other beasts, as to prove why he's the most likely I have to adequately demonstrate why i think the others arent as likely, and I think it will also be decent framework to the rest of my conclusions

the one I think has absolute negative chance of being redeemed is Burning Spice, because no part of him to me seems like he ever wanted to or presently want to be his original virtue. I genuinely think if he never had the virtue thrust upon him he would've never accepted it at all ever; he was one of the first cookies so he got the title of Change, not because he was particularly specially suited for it.

Even in his very own description it mentions he was hailed as a hero because of how much he fought, he has for all of his life only wanted to fight, and used the virtue as an excuse and justification for his actions from the very beginning, one that he sort of believed in to some extent, otherwise he would've never kept any civilization alive ever at all, but he wouldn't have been so gungho about combat for all of his life if he truly believed in change, one who did represent it would recognize that the cycle of life and death does not have to be perpetuated by violence or combat, nor does all change have to involve the death of another.

He also has his past the most secretive out of the 3, the only hint i noticed of his past displayed in the present day was the single mural that we saw the flashback through, which the only way we saw the flashback at all was through the souljam, meaning only his other half had ever the chance of learning what he was like back in the day and no one else. The only way you would even know that the mural is about the past is the 6 arms (since the rest of it depicts cookies burning up into ashes, Sheese describes it as looking like a carnage after all) which is something im not sure if present day sbice can do, but it also doesn't strike me as something the citizens would assume means he was originally a virtue either, it'd probably just be read as sbice being far more powerful than they think of him as.

I don't think he should've ever gotten the title of a virtue, I don't think if given the choice he would've accepted the virtue, and I don't think he ever 100% believed in the virtue and from day 1 has used it as an excuse to satiate his desires.

Speaking of his other half, i dont think there's any universe where Gheese would ever forgive him either, if she won't even forgive one of her best friends for something she shouldn't blame her for I'll try to not get hung up on lily too much sry lmao, required her paradise to fall to war and even then barely got convinced and that he physically mutilated her? There's no way she would ever look past Sbice's actions in a million years, which isn't a great habit to have if you want to redeem someone. So yeah, I think Sbice is off the table as possible candidates lol

Mystic is a different story from Sbice, and will probably end up being the second most likely, including the unreleased beasts.

I've got no idea how they're gonna make sloth into a villain, girlie who does nothin and can't bring themselves to do anythin at all doesn't really feel like someone who can cause much of a fight, and depending on the definition of sloth you're workin w you can attribute it to resting, which is important to any fighter. But especially since their original virtue is happiness I'm presuming sloth is going to be presented very similarly to Gheese's paradise, one w lavish existence, having all your needs met, drowning in fulfilment and no one has to struggle, because surely that leads to bliss-- which still doesn't make me read them as a villain to me, which yk, makes redeeming pretty pointless?

And mr Silence is uh, idk..? What the deal is? I don't read solidarity as a virtue or silence as a sin, i think tumblr knows more than most the benefit of silence actually lmao-- takin the quickest of googles to recheck my definition of solidarity ig its supposed to be unity? so like, teamwork? ig mby the more plain wording of the guy is virtue of Communication and then beast of Not Communicating, which ig I can see how that could make the girlie a villain if its done deliberately, which makes redemption I think at least a little less likely than Mystic but more likely than Sbice.

Anyways!! Tangent ahoy! Point is, I think Mystic is second most likely to be redeemed lmao

Both Smilk & Mystic has the same thing in common that makes me think that they're the likeliest to be redeemed: the continued belief in a 'good', non-beastly trait.

(I should preface that I saw Mystic's story as it was released, but I am rechecking through the logs just to make sure I'm not bein a blatant dumbass, but I might've missed somethin by skimming through the logs)

With Mystic though she doesn't have a ton of connection with Volition in the present day but she does have some-- compared to the past which is the inverse where she mostly had a connection w it but did waver, but only by a very slight amount, one that comes along with every idea of 'freedom': the dissonance between free action vs humanity/personhood. But in this situation unlike a lot of other examples its become her achilles heel. Some people's free will is to assault, murder, harass, maim, damage, rob, whatever else, and hell her (probably) supposed friend Sbice was most likely one of those people.

So what was the answer to deal with the people who were violent and cruel? She took their volition away, she wouldn't give them their wish, her method of displaying her virtue, completely going against it.

(if you want to argue that she did not choose to not grant their wishes but was instead physically unable because of her cocooning then she would still be making a choice to not fulfill her virtue for all cookies which was her goal, but i dont think that's that case anyways)

It's difficult to encapsulate how I believe she viewed her own virtue, I think she fully believed in the virtue in principle, the idea of free will is a good thing after all! Taking away people's free will is a bad thing! But the moment it had to be played out in practice it all fell apart for her, showing that she never really truly believed in it as a real concept along w its consequences, only the image of it, what she wanted it to be, not what it truly was

No, what Mystic wants is Cacao's virtue, Resolution, one of the earliest mentions what I can tell is Haetae pitting his & her resolution against each other, but it's something brought up time and time again, and something she displays over and over. It's something I saw about when the chapter was being released, she's really bad at the whole Apathy thing,

(I am running against the 30 image mark constantly, I have to trim this down, sorry lol, keep on reading to understand my formatting, also sorry if some of the order is incorrect I'm not double checking the chronological events of all these quotes beyond my first check before I had to remove the screenshots, I'm just trusting me from a couple hrs ago lol)

??? (Mystic): It is my purpose to protect Cookies with my unwavering willpower and lead them to Paradise. I enclosed myself in a cocoon for the sake of my followers. And yet the world seen from inside the cocoon was far from pure... Cookies putting their own green first, pushing and shoving to have their own wish fulfilled before anyone else...Witnessing this, my heart grew forlorn and empty. At first I believed this emptiness would crumble my dough, but my enclosed cocoon remained strong and intact throughout the ages. Time comes and goes as Cookies are baked and crumble once again... But I learned how to overcome time itself simply by being me. Just as I was one step away from becoming the Leavened One... Someone spread a false rumor that my cocoon was full of treasures. Mystic Flour Cookie: The cocoon was cut open with one slash of a sword. "Fake immortal," they said, just like you. ... What do you think of my story? Does it not make you feel... like everything is futile? No matter how strong your resolve is, no matter how hard you try, this world will never change. *** Mystic Flour Cookie: My soul jam, come to me. Return to your rightful owner. *** Mystic Flour Cookie: At last, I am complete. I can feel the force of Volition within. Mystic Flour Cookie: Return to nothing, as if you never existed in the first place. This is the world of perfect apathy... that I've been dreaming of. ***

she has desires/dreams of her own, hell she wants her souljam more than anything, the whole reason she was in the cocoon was for her people, one of the first things she says after bein released from the cocoon is a story where she reiterates her purpose & explains the reason she didn't kill herself was because of her resolution. the story itself is dumb as well, she concludes that everything is futile because, checks notes, some guys enacted upon their own volition? that story should be one that enforces your virtue not prove it doesn't work

bestie goes from "resolution? who's she? a worthless cause?" to "that resolution is mine actually" in like 2 sentences, she's a perpetually ideologically conflicted char

She explains a little bit as well in the beginning, how she came to the conclusion, one that once again doesn't go against her own virtue: that when one desire is met, you don't just cease to exist and will probably want more things ever in your life, which is the premise of volition? If you didn't have free will you wouldn't have the option to gain new desires, you couldn't achieve things you want w/o having the capacity and freedom to want, this whole ordeal is a part of the print, yet she takes it as a reason to believe everything is meaningless and nothing will change, revealing she's really lost the plot because she is looking insanely zoomed out lmao

as established later on, she sees every action as meaningless in the wake of infinity, but that would be more equatable as antithetical to volition, as the ability to make choices requires a timeframe, but it's not antithetical to apathy, as you can very much see infinity in an apathetic light but that is a choice you're making, ironically. You can see infinite as wonderous, as scary, as aspirational, as most emotions really-- personally i see infinity as worth fighting for, i think immortality is pretty neat, and frankly i dont think thats very apathetic of me lol

idk if you realized this mystic, but you're not asking for apathy *and* the removal of volition in any these sentiments, youre actually asking for complacency, which doesn't have to be antithetical to apathy but they're very close siblings, as you can be happy with what you have, ie not apathetic, and not want anything more, ie complacent, but because mystic doesn't realize any of this they act like apathy will solve the problem of bad people doing bad things, so will use the power of resolution to ensure that her idea of apathy, total death and later the acquisition of the souljam, will be enacted, because that's totally very apathetic of her /lh

Her belief in apathy is as strong as an emo teens belief in edgyness and dark eyeshadow, and has as much of a backbone as one of them. She doesn't truly fully believe in her apathy at all, no matter whatever she says otherwise, but she believes she has completely lost her belief in volition, even though she hasn't given all said previously. Apathy sounds like the closest answer to her loss in belief but the two ideas really have incredibly little relevance to each other in any intrinsic matter, the opposite of volition isn't anywhere close to apathy, in fact they aren't even antithetical, you can choose by your own will to be apathetic and not care, you can choose to lock yourself away, you can choose to value other things over emotion & desire-- all she is is a girlie who's pissed because bad guys exist and will use their free will to do bad things, thats it, it has nothing to do with apathy, she simply chose to see the world in that manner.

The only thing she does that's anywhere close to doing anything antithetical to volition is taking the people's choice away in living w her pale ailment, the victims didnt exactly choose to keep on living after all, but that seems more like a happy accident rather than something she would actually align with if she was truly Apathy, if she was apathy she would've just stayed in the cocoon, it doesn't matter what everyone else does, it doesn't matter what they think, it doesn't matter what i do, it doesn't matter if i live- a truly apathetic character couldnt bring themselves to act upon the idea that everyone should be as apathetic as themselves, because you would care then! it's very similar to my description of sloth, Apathy can't be a villain, so the way she's a villain is by being one of the most passionate and resolute people around whilst waving the flag around that she's totally apathetic guys trust me bro

also two rq mentions, firstly when mystic shows the kingdom w/o cacao she shows choco's subjects being devoted & choco choosing not only to be a leader but a good one at that & grieving his late father, she is truly incapable of imagining a person who's not driven by volition & resolution to some capacity, or at the very least if you want argue this is fabricated to specifically undermine cacao's resolution and not a depiction of what she thinks will realistically occur, she doesn't think apathy on its own is a convincing enough argument leading her to need to launder her ideology, which really is a great example of her believing it's inherent validity huh?-- and secondly that chippy didn't turn to futility or apathy when he got wooshed heh

(one thing im genuinely unsure about is how real these dustings are, they seem like they were just imagined up by mystic, but i forgor lol)

i've yapped way too long about someone who isnt smilk in a post about smilk lmao, but finally tldr, i believe she is a character who never commited to anything yet put her whole pussy into acting like she did lmao, she believed she was the virtue of volition yet folded when it actually displayed the reality, deciding to instead hold onto her idealized false version of it up to this day, and she claims to believe that she has achieved enlightenment and subsequently apathy yet cannot stop being resolute for 2 whole seconds lmao-- i don't think mystic has the capacity to return to being the virtue of volition, since she doesn't believe in it in a practical sense anyways and it'd be really really hard for them to justify why you should let ppl do assault, but I do think she can become a sister believer of resolution, she can't stop displaying her resolution through her conviction to apathy after all, no matter how much she insists otherwise. i also wouldnt be surprised if they gave instead a synonym, virtue of conviction or somethin heh

Even cacao realizes her, pity, her anxiety, her childishness, everything impossible to be whilst trying to be apathetic, she never succeeded in what she preached and it's blatantly obvious that's the case

feck, speaking of him, i should also talk about cacao shouldnt I? i'll try to be quick-- Cacao is not a man of incapability to forgive like Gheese, as long as you're not a threat to what he's resolute about he's generally fine, especially since he has also shown capacity of recognizing when he himself is in the wrong, it would for sure take a while and a third party would definitively be needed since i'm not sure if we've ever seen him change his mind w/o bein heavily pushed to do so, but in no way do I think w enough evidence that she means no harm would he not accept Mystic if she were to try to redeem herself, but she would probably have to do a lot to prove that to him before he would forgive and he'd watch from afar to see her actions

ok, finally, lmao, the smilk part, i'll try to make it longer than the mystic part so i dont feel like ive wasted your time w her /j who am i kidding all of this is a waste of time im an amateur in analysis and writing and also autistic idk any shit lol im just hopin im coherent and not inherently nonsensical

you might've noticed that as I wrote about the two previous beasts I've laid down the groundwork for some requirements, for features I believe are necessary for the possibility of redemption for any of these characters, which to speak plainly here:

They should have either elements of their previous virtue present in the current day or have the capacity to embark on the path of a new virtue.

Their belief in their beastly aspect should not be absolute and either be depicted as wavering, contradictory or partially believed in.

They should have the capacity to believe they are wrong and thus capable of learning to any degree.

The other half of their soul jam should not permanently reject them.

And uh, if you don't see where I'm going with this, yeah I think that is completely and unabashedly true for Smilk ^^ time to try to adequately prove it lol

Rightio then, how should I tackle this... have them all go down in order ig? or eh, i'll swap the last two, i think that makes it easier to explain, very well then

Coming back to this a little later this absolutely barely works lmao, I'm mostly just making a ton of sub categories that hopefully I can string into somethin coherent lmao, I'll try to make it sensible lol

... It seems I have reached the image limit....

Ok problem solving time, all quotes displayed like this are all quotes directly found from the game, I don't have the energy to source which chapter it is from as I haven't for any of the screenshots lol, but know that unless stated otherwise they are all found within the quest logs menu thing, hopefully thats a good enough middle ground, cause I have 0 energy to figure out how to work around the image limit, if there is a workaround-- I'm gonna reduce the redundant repetition of names since this text block doesnt have the same restrictions as the game does and to differentiate large walls of separate quotes the segment will end with a *** ... + when one of those separating lines of elipses occurs means some dialogue in the same section was skipped, as it's either filler or irrelevant to the point im making, i am trying to not source even more than i have to yk lol

As a final reminder before entering the Smilk section, ofc he fuckin lies, he lies a lot lmao, but a big part of what I'm going to be saying is that he does not lie all the time. I will sometimes put things into sections you might disagree w their authenticity in regards of truthful sentiments, if he is clearly lying about a subject that the quote is being categorized within, then the category probably isn't about assuming absolute truth is coming out of his face hole, it probably matters to the grander themes and messaging of the entire story lol.

They should have either elements of their previous virtue present in the current day or have the capacity to embark on the path of a new virtue.

Light of Truth...?: I govern all Truth and Deceit of this world. What you mistake for the power of Truth is but a cute tiny droplet in my limitless ocean of Knowledge. So! What am I?! Need another hint? I thought you would've solved my little riddle by now! Pure Vanilla Cookie: The one who governs all Truth and Deceit... The Master of All Knowledge...? Light of Truth...?: RING DING DING! *** Silverbell Cookie: It's all a lie! There's no way that His Majesty protected the seal for such selfish reasons... Wizard Cookie: Shadow Milk Cookie is the Cookie of Deceit. Of course he's full of lies! White Lily Cookie: He's not simply making up obvious lies, but weaving in threads of truth to his story... *** Fortune Teller Cookie: ... The lord of this tower is a Cookie all-knowing. Space and time intertwine in a myriad of reflections here. For in the realm of Knowledge, there is more than one truth. *** Shadow Milk Cookie: Ahem, rise and shine! Daydreaming again? Do understand, I'm not mad. I'm simply disappointed. For you fail to see the truth. THIS is not an other-realm. ... It's time to accept the truth you like so much, Pure Vanilla Cookie. *** Shadow Milk Cookie: The Truth... How do I put it? It has a rather ugly countenance. Some Cookies prefer the safety of a sweet lie, afraid to stick their head outside, to the cold reality. Others? They find a twisted pleasure in weaving deceit for their own benefit. I know exactly what you're thinking. BEEN THERE, so to speak! My boy, the universe once was but an open book to me. Time and space unfurled before my eyes. Truthless Recluse: Perhaps, it's not an easy task for those who haven't witnessed the majesty of Truth and Knowledge. *** Shadow Milk Cookie: Look at this fallen seeker of Truth. Your mind is like an open book!*** ??? (Sapph): The great Shadow Milk Cookie, Archmaster of all Knowledge and Deceit there is, played a genius stroke by leading our reckless foes right into his trap in the spire! ... And now, I invite you to sit back, relax, and forget about the boring notions of Truth and some such! Instead, join me tonight on our fantastical, magical journey...*** Shadow Milk Cookie: Ah, Cookies! They just love a good gossip, don't they? Something to gnaw on, truth or not. Black Sapphire Cookie: Excellently said, My Lord! A droplet of Truth in a concoction of Deceit works wonders! Soon, this world will kneel before you, Master Shadow Milk Cookie!*** Black Sapphire Cookie: Knowledge and Lies have existed since the very genesis of these lands. Master Shadow Milk Cookie's power is truly beyond all measure and comprehension! Shadow Milk Cookie: Lo and behold! I shall purge the darkness of the unknown and illuminate your future!

This point is the biggest reason why I thought he could ever have a redemption all along, because HE WON'T STOP TELLING US THIS IS THE CASE, he LOVES the truth, he LOVES knowledge, the only way to tell the truth is to know things, and the only way to lie is to also know things, a baby cannot lie, they don't know shit lol-- lying inherently and intrinsically is a distortion of knowledge automatically requiring his virtue to be a part of the equation, and smilk cannot shut up about how much he knows that to be true. He will preach the virtue of truth (this ones important dont gloss over it lol), he will choose to tell the truth, he will admit that he isn't lying, he will make his own truth. At no point did Sbice want abundance, and there was a single point where Mystic even admitted that she had a grain of volition within her and all other cases were accidental, but he will just. not. stop. mentioning. truth.

Pure Vanilla Cookie: I realized that my power and his... They are like two sides of the same Coin... What do I do? *** Light of Truth (Smilk): I am the Light of Truth. And the truth is... Your dreadful adversary and I. We might not be much different after all. One and the same... *** Pure Vanilla Cookie (Interspersed w Smilk): Truth and Deceit... Like two sides of the same Coin... Perhaps, those dreams are merely a trick to confuse me... A product of my power resonating to Shadow Milk Cookie's presence... ...!!! No, impossible!... Or is it?... Even so, he and I are different. Shadow Milk Cookie and I are different! And yet... that custodian's riddle... It was too easy... And this place... it feels oddly familiar. Ever since I gained my Soul Jam, I've come across so many questions without answer... I wonder... Did the Fount of Knowledge feel this too? All this doubt and confusion? Like I do? Pure Vanilla Cookie...?: All the roads I have ever taken... All the roads you have ever taken... They all lead to Him. Pure Vanilla Cookie: These are not my words! Once the Fount of Knowledge: You and I are bound... ... You will see.*** Pure Vanilla Cookie (Smilk): Knowledge, Deceit... Maybe they are not that different. ... Pure Vanilla Cookie...?: Oooh, looks like we have an expert in the audience! Shadow Milk Cookie: Very well, go ahead. Prove me wrong! *** Light of Truth...?: Why, you've said it yourself! We are like the two sides of the same coin! *** Shadow Milk Cookie: I know exactly what you're thinking. BEEN THERE, so to speak! My boy, the universe once was but an open book to me. Time and space unfurled before my eyes. You... You are merely following in my footsteps. ... Oh but it's inevitable. In the end, you will become... me! And it's gonna feel good!***

[That entire section lol ^] Gingerbrave: Phew! Pure Vnilla Cookie will play White! Shadow Milk Cookie: Huh? That doesn't seem right... Are you sure? Wizard Cookie: What?! That's cheating! Shadow Milk Cookie: Aren't we like two peas in a pod? I get that a lot! Heh. Sometimes it's hard to tell us apart! *** Truthless Recluse: I think I'm beginning to understand him. And... it fills me with fear and self-loathing.*** Shadow Milk Cookie: Oh, we are one and the same now! Meet the other Cookie of Deceit, Pure Vanilla Cookie!***

It is also repeatedly emphasized w PV & Smilk specifically, not any of the other beasts what i recall, that they are two sides of the same coin, unlike the other pairs who although are both representative of their respective virtue are incapable of existing with one another, these two are both aspects of knowledge and they need each others traits to exist as a whole, there can be apathy w/o resolution and there can be destruction w/o abundance, but there cannot be lies w/o truth and truth w/o lies is pretty antithetical to humanity, autonomy & consideration, which at least I think are decently important for ppl who, yk, give a shit at all, like pv lol. They both on separate instances deny it whenever it starts hitting just a smidge too close to home, but it's a theme that runs continuously throughout the entire story.

Shadow Milk Cookie: But then... a particularly wise Cookie, who had seen the truth of this world, appeared in his kingdom. Smart Cookie: And she said, "I've seen the truth of this world! It needs the strength of the Five Great Cookies to exist!" ***

I'm not sure if this is the best category to put it in, but since I mentioned the coin thing here I'll mention it here too, Smilk likes truth tellers and truth knowers, to at least some extent, someone who fervently believed otherwise I think would struggle to admit otherwise. I take that observation specifically off a video I saw a while ago, an acknowledgement of a strange behavior, that a conservative guy made a parody newshow of leftists based entirely on lying and struggled to stick to the bit, since the conservative doesnt believe trans ppl to be real and are just one gender pretending to be the other, you would then believe that the newshow that lies all the time would disagree and claim that they arent just pretending, but that would require for just a moment that the conservative guy has to say w his own words that trans ppl arent just pretending, and since the belief is so vehement that they are just pretending they cant for a second do what they believe to be lying and thus end up making the lying newsshow accidentally trans validation. Although I very much think Smilk to be physically capable of making such a lie, if he does indeed believe all these truthers to be foolish idiot morons, I don't think he could psychologically get himself to admit that.

And finally a little bit of a catchall of him generally displaying otherwise 'heroic' traits, stuff that could be compiled in that 'new' virtue, even if they are, ofc, twisted in some capacity, usually pretty heavily-- I'm well aware we're talkin about Smilk here dw this isnt me tellin me he's the good guy all along lmao

Shadow Milk Cookie: Shadow Milk Cookie couldn't forgive the foolish king for how unjustly he treated the Five Great Cookies! And so... He decided to dispose of the foolish Kinch and save his comrades! ***

Saving your friends and disposing of the villain is usually done by protagonists of all media, so why be a hypocrite for him?

Shadow Milk Cookie: Those False Heroes were nothing more than petty thieves. They stole the powers of the Five Great Cookies, who had been sealed away so unjustly, and used these powers at (a?) whim! ***

Ik this is gonna be shockin, but stealing is usually bad lol and being locked away unjustly is a decently common trope for heroes, even Gheese got that experience later on lol

crk on a couple occasions has believed the opposite idea, that lying is having your eyes closed and the truth vice versa, but for the characters of Smilk & PV it's the opposite, the man with his eyes closed at all times is the man who speaks the truth, and the one who has a heavy open eye motif is the liar, so any instance of either doing the opposite is worth considering. A different post made by someone i do not have the capacity to go check on, made me really really think about what that is, and although I don't think my answer is airtight, I think it is because of trust & the choice. In the same vain that cats will close their eyes around those they trust, if you believe something to be true then closing your eyes to not see any possible distortions of the truth is you choosing to trust that what you know is real. That's why way way back when mr was Healer Cookie, he didn't know the truth, and had to be shown it, because a blind fold isnt having your eyes closed voluntarily, his eyes were closed so he could not get new information until he took them off, but the truth wasn't real as the (metaphorical) ones who put them on him had an agenda. With deceit, which already is heavily associated as a choice anyways, is you choosing to take in new information about the world, all information, truth or not, your senses also being inherently biased, and you're not trusting at all. Again, I'm not fully confident about this interpretation, but I do at the very least feel like it has something to do with volition (teehee).

And the final point on this case, I'll get into the sage skin a little later, I think it needs the context of all the points for me to say the words in a coherent manner, but when you tap on him with his skin he will close both his eyes, indicating he is a truthful figure, and default Smilk will wink at you, one eye closed, the other open, he is both truth and deceit, he is to this day the virtue of knowledge

Their belief in their beastly aspect should not be absolute and either be depicted as wavering, contradictory or only partially believed in.

This section has sort of been made obsolete because of previous one, that Smilk cannot just shut his face about how much truth means to him, but I'll try to collect all the instances he just outright tells the truth here, w what I believe to be no caveats, manipulation or distortions. And I only mean sections that he could obviously lie, ofc if he's just expositing plainly or sentences w no comparable false equivalence then I'm not adding those, this isn't a dump to add all of his dialogue in one spot lmao. "..." is hard to make a lie out of lol

Shadow Milk Cookie: You may be celebrating your little victory for now... But heed my words! We have finally risen. Do not think that you can hold us back. ... Pure Vanilla Cookie: ...Shadow Milk Cookie's lies... always have a grain of truth in them. His last words sounded like a warning to us... Perhaps, they were truthful after all. ***

I'll move this section down from the previous category though, since this is the biggest instance of him displaying his antithesis to his beastly nature. The thing that is absolutely most interesting in terms of the idea that Smilk is just fully a believer of the truth specifically, is the chess game. The chess game is the peak point of why this has held me on such a chokehold. I'll summarize the game here for ya, once you read later into this whole text you'll know why I choose to not rely as heavily on quotes.

Besides Brave noticing that it's a big chess board, it is then established that "Each move is like a stimulating conversation, unfolding one step at a time!", which boy don't you know it lmao. The special rules of this version of chess is listed out, the most important one for this section is:

You surely have to realize how big of a deal this is? right? That the beast of deceit, who supposedly should fully have given up on knowledge, be a full believer of lies and intrinsically oppose the Light, chose on his own to play a game with no lies, exclusively with the truth involved, for the sake of gaining knowledge? He's just returning to his Fount days here, the only difference is that he's a bit more of a maniac but that doesn't inherently devalue his connection to his past and mirrored virtues, he's fully and completely demonstrating that not only would he be capable of reform in theory, but that he doesn't even need reform in his belief, he still believes in knowledge and he still believes in the truth, why the hell else would he employ tactics he wouldn't believe in? The entire crux of his own fall is his lack of conviction and self confidence on his own end, and this shows clearer than any scene that he fully still believes in his old virtue, and we know the reason he fell all those days ago into the beast is because Cookies rather choose the sweet, savory taste of Deceit over the harsh reality of the Truth, not because he himself stopped believing in it, abso-fuckin-lutely does it make sense that he never ever shuts up about Truth, because he hasn't given up on it, it's integral to his current believed ideology after all.

Cough, anyways, there's more to the chess scene lol.

He then does his first act of cheating ever, all of his previous acts of deceit technically hasn't broken any rules, implicitly or explicitly, and then possibly argues that he sees Pv as the same as him.

Once the missing chess pieces are acknowledged and the gang gets turned into them, curiously Smilk Points out that they volunteered and wasn't forced by Smilk, which also curiously was a point mentioned earlier this chapter where Pv on his own accord went to the spire. He's starting to point just straight up facts, another word for truth, he's doing it for a point he wants to make later, but it's interesting that the first time he does it is when he was the peak of his villainy, ie peak deceit, so therefore had no reason to speak the truth yet did it anyways and the second time when he's the most Fount he'll ever be this entire chapter.

Shadow Milk Cookie: Let's get this game going! You gotta tell the truth, only the truth, and nothing but the truth! Or your pieces won't move!

He begins with what he believes will be an easy question for Pv, what is a lie? Answered as "... The antipode of truth." Which we can't inherently take as a fact, not in our current state at least, we've got no way of knowing if this is some sort of cosmic entity controlling the board or if Smilk is determining what is the truth, but I think it's easier to assume that it's his belief, especially since it'd be inline with his other conclusions. The second question is however a lot more interesting, what is the truth? which is answered as "The only right thing that must be protected." and that is right, and as we just moments prior established, odds are the answers are what Smilk believes, Smilk agrees with this answer, he also believes that truth is the only right thing and must be protected. This is extraordinarily close to being an outright admission that he's not even a beast, he has no stakes in deceit, he doesn't believe in deceit, it's not right and it shouldn't be protected, he's most likely firmly in team Truth, but because he is so caught up in, ironically, his own game, he doesn't even realize that he's done such a blunder. If you think that interpretation takes it too far, then at the very least what factually did happen is that he was laughing, finding this exercise fun and kept playing, what he didn't do is disagree, or call the board wrong, or say that the board is lying. The next question is probably the closest we get to confirmation that he is controlling what is and isn't truth here, as Pv answers the question he believes to have understood which causes the piece to move but then stop in its tracks to indicate a wrong answer, if he had misunderstood the question and Smilk wasn't in charge I don't think the piece would've jammed in place like that, but Smilk's intent is to prod at Pv, so making the process as painful as possible is a part of that goal.

He is absolutely ecstatic about truly catchin Pv in a lie, he's been pretty quiet or hostile up until this point, and he seemed unsatisfied with the river situation, but here, he truly, legitimately and fully caught him in a lie, for the first time. And then proceeds to be a bad winner about it lmao, but importantly is in love with the possibiltiy that Pv might not know the difference between right and wrong, which, once again, ironically, is happening to him this entire match lol

Shadow Milk Cookie: Ah, what a thrilling game! Looks like I have the upper hand! He he he he he!

Mans is lost in the sauce lol. When he notices the souljam reating he pivots into talking about White Lily, which really seems to affect Pv poorly to Smilk's excitement, and then once again goes at it from the angle that he's not at fault, that this is actually all Pv's fault. Where he then just says the funniest thing huh.

Shadow Milk Cookie: In the end, it all comes down to a very simply conclusion. If the so-called "truth" were the only right thing, it would've granted you the power to overcome all the odds you've been up against! Whose fault is it?

Don't tell Smilk which category this is in, or the words he said like 3 paragraphs ago lmao, he'd be fuming right about now xddd

As Pv admits that he agrees, that he is weak and is all at fault, Smilk bursts into laughter and starts taunting Pv, absolutely adoring watching him fall further and further. But then does another really funny thing.

Shadow Milk Cookie: If I was able to bring you down so easily... That makes me your Truth, doesn't it?! Yours and everyone else's! ... And so, the ultimate Deceit becomes the ultimate Truth! Now that's right up my alley!

Smilk go 5 seconds in this chess match not being your own antithesis challenge level impossible lmao.

He then repeats an idea he said in one of the first chapters, something that because I've organized this poorly that I don't think y'all know about yet, that Smilk wants to control Pv, and that pv and just relax and follow his command. Smilk with his final question pulls out his testing of the waters, what he truly believes in, going full project blast canon lmao-- Since he believes his endeavour of knowledge was futile, that his sharing of the truth was landed on deaf ears, perhaps his own vision was incorrect all along, was his entire purpose, his life? A lie? And that filled him w supposedly enough regret to get him to beastify. So now he believes he has put Pv through the same feelings, the same disappointment, the same futility, the same disproving, that he must also regret his whole life now. But he reacts unexpectedly, he starts laughing, to the confusion of Smilk, where Pv starts to just cheat..... Which Smilk LOVES, he LOVES it SO much, the projection being completely and utterly dodged doesn't matter at all, because Pv is becoming more like him!! He is clearly embracing deceit!!! He is far more than overjoyed at this moment, the loudest and most excited his own entourage has ever seen. He admits that he thought Pv still had more resolution, but this here showing proved otherwise and commends him for the act, adoring that Pv is fulfilling his potential and using his own tricks.

I really, really hope that I've at least a little bit conveyed how much this entire game revealed Smilk's full hand with this game, seemingly entirely beneath his very own nose: he displayed he still believes in truth and knowledge, that he doesnt believe in deceit, that he views himself as the ultimate truth, that he's torn down his own defences around Pv a fuckton, and I'm not sure if he event knowingly told a single lie during the entire match, just prodded the guy and faked a single coin. If anything at all killed his chances to win as a villain it was the chess game, it undermined his power internally and externally a huge amount, and he never recovers it again.

The other half of their soul jam should not permanently reject them.

(ie, the pv analysis also included in here lol)

Pvs change into acceptance is definitively most obvious at the very end, and I'll ofc show my work even if everyone knows it, especially if you follow the smilk tag and are the likeliest to read this lol-- but it did not begin at the end, nor is it exclusive to the latest chapter, there has been drips of it earlier.

Shadow Milk Cookie: Out of these false heroes, which ones is only half a Cookie? ... Gingerbrave: None of them! Shadow Milk Cookie: WRONG!!! ... Pure Vanilla Cookie: The right answer is... All of them. Shadow Milk Cookie: ..... RING DING DING!!! Did you hear that?! A correct response from our sharp audience! My my, I'll let you advance to the next round!*** Shadow Milk Cookie: Out of these three Cookies... Who is the biggest liar? ... Pure Vanilla Cookie: The biggest liar is... me, Pure Vanilla Cookie. ... Pure Vanilla Cookie: ... It's correct, isn't it? Shadow Milk Cookie: Unbelievable! You got it right again! RING DING DING!!! That Pure Vanilla Cookie knows his thing! I'm impressed, I must say!... Indeed, what is pure, unquestionable truth if not deceit...?

PV is always the one to answer all of Smilk's og quiz questions correctly (the ones he's allowed to answer at least lol, and the one that he wasn't allowed to answer was answered "wrong"), which not only establishes that they are to some capacity on the same wavelength from the very start not just because smilk is in the souljam lol so it isn't a result of his very pleasant stay at his tower /lh but also each time Smilk not only respects the answer, he also ignores the previously established (unquoted) punishment in favor of Pvs correct answer on the first one and on the second one compliment him, establishing at least some sort of report for Smilk to recognize

Also wanna take a quick moment on that second set of quotes, to further re-establish that 100% truth cannot exist w/o lies, and to elaborate to make me not seem insane here lmao, it's the same principle as "history is written by the victors" or however the phrase goes, objective truth does not necessarily equate to described truth, nor does a telling of truth automatically mean that the entire truth is revealed since that is quite difficult to do, whatever information you omit will change the way the information is ingested by the audience, and it doesn't have to be the case of lies by omission to our perspective either, you can describe you playing with your kid on a playground, a fully true statement, but you omitted that it was raining when you were outside, the omission I'd be hard-pressed to call a lie personally but it changes the story quite drastically. And even if you don't agree w this sentiment, at bare minimum that's the world that crk has established in these chapters to be true, and I think it is inferable that Smilk would find those omissions to be lies.

(Read aloud by pv): And thus did the all-devouring heart of darkness fall into slumber... The Beast-binding Rituatl of the Witches demands a great wisdom and even greater sacrifice. It much be conducted by someone who is ready to pay the price. This power lies hidden, far and out of reach, for you are forbidden from meddling with magic beyond you ken. Now, The Spire of All Knowledge stands without a master... where all knowledge began, and there it shall remain, as long as there is light. You who dares lay hand on the forbidden knowledge! After many a hardship, may you find the answer your seek... Pure Vanilla Cookie: The master of the Spire... It's about Shadow Milk Cookie, without a doubt. He could be there... Awaiting me... Without a doubt, having gained a physical form, he will pose a much greater threat... Our encounter can't be avoided. No matter if I fear it or not. The Beast are regaining their former power. All the more reason to face them and put and end to their evil. For the good of all Cookies, of the entire world!

The book planted specifically to trick the gang to go to the spire instantly gets snuffed out by PV, he notices instantly that the tower is Smilk's and its likely to contain the man himself, he goes not because he's tricked as Capple believes and relays in her overworld dialogue w smilk, but by his own volition (teehee)

At no point does he get legitimately tricked by Smilk specifically, all the times he does get tricked they're not by cookies with the eyes that are shown in the portraits to be a consistent feature or the flashbacks where the eyes are always eventually shown-- all the pain he goes through is either his own resolution (teehee) to be kind or his kindness being taken advantage of, but he is always in tune w Smilk

Bit annoyin to put the entire interaction down so there's the entire section lol [04 Young Shepherd Cookie], but the entire one of the wolfherd (which I don't think is Smilk, as explained earlier) is an example of him bein taken advantage of, he prioritizes kindness over being suspicious of the kid even though he has already acknowledged they are surely in Smilk's domain-- but once the kid is established to be safe & help is offered Pv then doesn't say a word and generally just acts surprised at the story, until the very end where the gang is talking amongst themselves recognizing that they've been tricked, First Strawberry, then Gingerbrave, then Wizard... But not Pv, he implicitly establishes to the team that kindness is more important than the lying, and recognizes internally that this is Smilk's presence in effect.

The story after is one that can be interpreted as Pv lying, cookie is dying before him, and he tells the cookie what I would argue to be ethical lies, which is that the cookie will be fine. The absolute last thing you want a dying patient to do is give up, you need them to follow your orders, and you need them to believe it will work, because if they don't that's just a self fulfilling prophecy and they are much more likely to go kaput. He suspected that it might be too late but not for a second did that stop him from trying, but since this was an artificial situation to begin w nothing was going to work, ofc. And once Pv finds out that this is another (non Smilk performed) trick and that his kindness has once been taken advantage of, he once again reinstates that kindness is more important and keeps wanting to help the cookie out.

And the final one after, the one with the towerkeeper, is harder at least for me to determine, keeping one of his eyes closed automatically puts him on the sus meeter as a truthful speaker, the way he presents his question as a riddle instead of a quiz yet formats and phrases his question the exact same as Smilk, praising Pvs answer, but also Pv not seeing through the trick if it was performed by Smilk, at most I'd argue that he may be the third closest connection Smilk has but that's very much flimsy and unbiased heh (unrelated but idk why white lily leaves except exclusively to make the story less crowded lol)

Pure Vanilla Cookie: We must look carefully for any clues on the ritual. ... Apple Faerie Cookie: Oh yes... It's as if everything we knew... was wrong! Pure Vanilla Cookie: Let us not jump to conclusions. Perhaps, it's another test... We must keep searching. ... Perhaps, it's a trick to make us stray from our path.

Pvs order of priority the moment of entering the spire is Kindness - Searching for the ritual, then Suspicion - is this another trick, then Confirmation - yes this is a trick, im recognizing this is a stretch which given the experiences w the wolfherd and the dying cookie is decently consistent w how he reacts to non smilk made lies

Pure Vanilla Cookie: The Light... of Truth...? This is... the Dark Side of the Moon... Another dream. ... ... What are you saying? Are you not... my guiding light? Light of Truth: Do not doubt me, Pure Vanilla Cookie...! I am the Light of Truth. Your old friend. All this time, I've been illuminating your path. Fore a long, long time... Even when you were smaller than your Cream Lamb.

Tbh to be frank idk what happens here lmao, he should be fully aware that the light is compromised and even recognizes that this is the moon, so absolutely smilk's influence here... yet he still believes the light to not be smilk...? But at least i think its reasonably inferable that the moment that the cream lamb is mentioned thats when Pv suses stuff out, I really dont know with this one gang, if ya wanna use this as the bullet to shoot my analysis down there's not much I can argue lmao

(The cards): Fshh... Gingerbrave: Huh? What are these cards? They have peculiar markings on them...! Pure Vanilla Cookie: These are tarot cards. Fortunate tellers use them to read someone's future.

Also I don't think Smilk pulls any tricks that Pv himself isn't previously aware of, the moment recluse in the inn brings out the tarot cards Pv immediately knows what they are, I don't think Pv was at all confused what chess was about lol

Fotune Teller Cookie: This way! ... Follow me, now! We're Safe. They won't reach us here ... ... No wonder. After all, this is the Spire of Deceit. Here, have a Jelly. Gingerbrave: Huh... Whoah! Thanks! But we have no time! We need to save our friend! Fortune Teller Cookie: No. You must go back. ... Don't you understand? You cannot win the battle against the Beast of Deceit. ... You'vebeen deceived by someone you trusted. You couldn't see the illusions of the Spire for what they were. So, tell me. How can you save your friend? ... ... If there's still a friend to save. *** Fortune Teller Cookie: Wait. ... I must ask one last question. Does your resolve remain strong? Are you sure you won't regret your choice, come what may? ... ... Follow me. You will only meet more foes down this path. I will show you a safer road.

Now when we're actually in the spire, we can also keep a closer eye on the fortune teller, since we know that he and Pv are on in the same, and we're not going to go into any details as to why teller cause we're instantly going to get into weird timey winey shenanigans lmao. The first what we see of teller once entering the spire is exclusively kindness, he is terrified of the beast but his priority is getting the people out of there. But once the gang absolutely refuses to follow his word, his kindness shifts, if he cannot ensure their safety, he will at least help them to the best of his ability.

Pure Vanilla Cookie: This place... Looks different but feels the same. As if it has revealed its true colors. I must get back to my friends. ...?! These portraits... They all depict Shadow Milk Cookie! They all look different, but it's unmistakably him!*** Pure Vanilla Cookie: This must be Shadow Milk Cookie when he was still called "The Fount of Knowledge"... Everyone is looking up to him. But there are some Cookies who chose... to deny reality. They rejected the bitterness of the world in favor of the sweetness of Deceit... He must have walked a solitary path... ***

Further establishment that the instant Smilk tries to pull off any trickery, although these just bein portraits and not him literally, Pv will instantly snuff it out. And also that enforcing that they're on the same wavelength, that once again when it isn't hittin too close to home he will relate to Smilk.

In the entirety of 18, 19 & 20, he immediately fights back against Smilk, multiple occasions pointing out that he's not telling the truth, being resolute (teehee, ok ill stop lol) in his own self, in a very few occasions faltering for just a step but then immediately regaining his ground. He's not stoic and he is struggling yes, but he has 3 things he believes in and he's not going down yet heh.

Also the next one 21, I'm not super confident if this fictional section lets Pv have any autonomy? But if we assume he does he once again prioritizes kindness over smilk/his tricks, as he heals a cookie even if it means smilk knows his location, he will 100% risk a fight or even dyin if it means he can save at least one other cookie.

And then we get the teller decrying how they never change and turning into recluse scene, or well, sorta, but shh we're not talking about the time travel its weird lmao-- where I mostly just want to mention the connection to the earlier point I made, the shaky interpretation, that the "reason" he turned into the recluse was because he had his eyes open to all the lies, he didn't close his eyes to the lies and let them in, clouding his judgement.

And now we've finally entered the latest chapter, where I should immediately apply our framework that we have to view the entire chapter through:

I'm letting this one tick down my image count, because it's that important. It's admitted at the very end, that this whole recluse thing was an act all along, that he tricked smilk, because Smilk can never lie to Pv and have him not notice it, that image I sent earlier? The one where pv is looking into the mirror and sees smilk? I think thats what he means when they "became one" and knew that smilk was lonely, so yes, before the fall, he knew-- He was still very fragile, very fickle, it wasn't like he was stoically going through the experience, very little would've convinced him to give up, but he knew there was a light to go towards and take advantage of, that tiny light was enough to keep him trucking, to keep him lying, to keep his resolution. I should also make it clear why I think the "becoming one" was that scene and not the scene where he becomes souljam of deceit x2, since I believe that's the scene that most people will assume that is referring to not the one I believe it to be, and tbh... i don't really have facts facts to back either of them up, neither of them sound like good candidates for being the scene, I don't think becoming 2 can be automatically instinctually argued as becoming 1 lol, hell idek what the (unquouted) "I saw your records." is referring to, but all I can do is present my case why it makes more sense for Pv to have been acting the whole time, instead of truly having given up and only the last couple minutes did this specific spark of hope work and not one of the dozen other ones.

So, with that down, once we go to the first part of the latest chapter, is that we know the consistent behaviour for Pv is to instantly snuff Smilk out, when Smilk is not involved he will go in the order of Kindness > Suspicion > Confirmation, his entire full and complete motivation + light at the end of the tunnel is his friends, his goal is to make smilk let his guard down (+ presumably make it out alive), and if at all possible in the slightest; befriend smilk. Alright? We're on the same page? Final chapter time heh. I will be going through the entirety of it in a summarizing fashion, adding in my own reasoning for the claim I made earlier and will quote things whenever I think it establishes things, instead of just the quotes being contextless.

First ep doesn't include any Pv, but it shows Smilk being more brazen w his lies, no longer are they sprinkled w truth, this ep is pretty much peak "villain", yes, even more villain than him gettin 2 deceit souljams, he is relishing in his first major step in victory, a footnote I make later in this diatribe because I cannot order these points to save my life, is that Smilk has long wanted Pv in his clutches, before Pv entered the spire did he intend to capture Pv.

So in ep 2 o with that accomplished he is joyous and flaunts his power to Pv. Pv however is silent and Smilk immediately tries to pry out information from him, guessing what could possibly be on his mind. Pv however has incredibly little interest in being swayed by the power display and nagging, his interest lies is solely within his friends, as although not directly confirmed word for word it seems after Pvs 'goodbye', his absolute rock bottom, Smilk took the gang away, the fear of them being harmed once again awakening Pvs kindness, even for only the tiniest smidgeon, I gotta reiterate this is incredibly fickle, if Smilk were to go hard on Pv rn he would probably give up entirely, the light can just barely rarely get Pv to act in accordance to pre-recluse in its current state. His plan to deceive Smilk isn't in process yet, he's mostly just processing what's happening to him and mostly letting his impulses guide him through the events. Smilk enjoys plucking the obvious weakpoint of Pv, but once again Smilk's nagging isn't his friends, so he doesn't really bother with it. Since Smilk is actively plucking said string, weakening that light, when he brings them out Pv doesn't respond, leading Smilk to poke a little further. A timeskip occurs where Smilk "toys" with the gang, whatever that means, and establishes that the only reason any of the gang is alive is due to his non-violent desires, where he then gets distracted ig? And grabs Pv, threatening to grab the souljam, Pv immediately recoiling and supposedly going to claim that its his, and since he's mostly on autopilot and Beat To Hell Mentally he gets pretty pissed, so Smilk's prodding finally gets an answer he likes out of Pv, but fully believes there is more boiling under Pvs skin so prods further to get him to lash out further. The gang interrupts trying to assure Pv to keep on fightin, and whilst Sapph tries to threaten them further with the legacy of Smilk, but that doesn't deter Brave at all. Smilk decides however to take the moment to, I think enter the souljam? Where he notices how unstable it is, who would've thunk it ikr, where its then established that his plan probably only extended to the recluse stage, after having a little bit of fun w recluse he would then take the souljam and move on, but because of how fragile it is he gets curious, where he then decides to see how far down he can go, the very next sentence admitting he changed his mind from whatever it was before.

They're then all taken to the river, where they just explain that truthtellers drown and those who "embrace deceit" don't, woot exposition lol. Pv however havin been rallied by his friends moments before being sent here but also still being pretty pissy snaps back, establishing his own autonomy, wherein Smilk does a wonderful job immediately undermining the tiniest pushback he got lmao. Oh I should probably mention its the choice of him or his friends right? So yeah, kindness wins out, without a word he chooses himself and heads straight into the river. And as we know earlier, his friends is the stated reason why he got out of the river, and I believe once he gets out of the river, after maybe hearing all of the confident blabberin from Smilk and definitively the blasted hoorays from after he re-emeges, is when he gets his plan to trick Smilk is in action.

His eyes being closed the moment he emerges from the water has nothing to do with that conclusion, just btw /j, lh

I do think he did hear what they were saying when he was under the water, as asking "... Are you satisfied now?" directly replies to their previous disappointment, in finding him just drowning instantly to be anticlimactic, with the ensuing excitement as I previously explained ensures. And just to make it a little clearer, I believe this is the moment where he sets his plan to deceive Smilk, yk, perhaps, oh, idk, he "embraces deceit" and that allowed him to complete the requirements laid out by the river?

The chess scene is where things get really, really intersting for Smilk, but I think I'm going to put that in the earlier section, and leave any Pv relevant parts here. So yes since you're reading the finished product you would've already known my dissection of the chess game, teehee.

As the rules get explained and Wizard questions the "No lies" rule, Pv seems to be implied to be physically repulsed by the idea, but doesn't say anything, since Smilk notices that he doesn't want to play the game. The coin gets flipped, the coin is rigged, Smilk goes first. Ik I mentioned this quote earlier in the two sides of a coin section, "Aren't we like two peas in a pod? I get that a lot! Heh. Sometimes it's hard to tell us apart!", but I want to elaborate a tiny bit on the point, because this is the first time we ever see Smilk cheat, which yes I talked about earlier but this is about Pv lol, he deceives and lies, but he hasn't ever broken any implicitly or explicitly stated rules before this point, so I think it's one of 3 options, the least meaningful one is that he is talking about how they look similar, you simply mistook my face for Pv's how silly of you, or the two remaining options, that Smilk also sees Pv as a cheater or re-enforcing previous information where he believes Pv to be the biggest liar in the world, and tbh I think it's probably a mix of both. Afterwards the comment about the lack of chess pieces arises, and ofc the friends get turned into pieces, which he doesn't seem to react a ton to either. Though if I can extrapolate a bit farther than I think is reasonable for the claim I've made, I think he is just paying attention to what Smilk is saying, as we also know that Pv knows, that Smilk is full of suspicions, so if you want to trick the master of lies, you really need to know what he truly believes in. Now he no longer is just defensive and trying to protect his own resolution, he is now trying to calculate what Smilk's truth is, which in turn makes him sturdier-- But ofc only like, by 1% maybe, he ain't recovering for a while lmao. Pv says his first words this entire ep when he answers Smilk's proposed easy question, what is a lie. And then the second answer also doesn't bring a ton of insight into Pv, but the third does, as its designed to provoke Pv. The original question is "How do we judge what is right?" which gets instantly contorted into absolute nonsense, mans a weasel here lmao, and it instead turns into a question of "When you blew up the souljams (I think is what happened) for what you believed to be the greater good, would you do that again?" to which Pv denies, leading to the piece getting stuck some more.

It seems the implied answer is that because Pv adamantly and continuously refuses to give another answer, Smilk and then continuously get free moves, though the first thing we see is him being quiet some more. Though his souljam (wherever it is lol) is physically reacting in some manner, as once again it is reacting to his friends. After having been mostly quiet this entire match, and only showing much of any stronger emotion by being surprised at Smilk's weaseling but quickly regained his composure, he finally snaps at Smilk again, when White Lily, his best friend, is brought up, and havin to think about her really aint makin him feel too good lol. But after being nagged about it by Smilk he seems to snap out of it, and returns to quiet fuming. Smilk pivots then once again, to establish a point he has been making, which is that everything is Pv's fault, which Pv has now seemed to have caught up on as Smilk's intention, as he replies "... You're right. Perhaps... It's entirely my fault..." with a totally not suspicious annoyed expression on the model, which causes Smilk to immediately burst into laughter and ecstatic. He goes on this tirade about how pathetic Pv is, that he's not the cookie of deceit and how Smilk is not the ultimate truth, but Pv as usual doesn't say much. Smilk then at least sounds like he pulls out his trump card, since Smilk has now thoroughly broken down Pv's perception of truth so that in turn obviously means Pv's point of existance, yk, truth, as pointless and a lie in of itself, shouldn't Pv regret his life for having followed this false ideology? But Pv here has his own ace card to play, noticing the weakness in Smilk's ideology Pv refuses to answer, if he's the cookie of deceit now, which as established earlier, means they can cheat, that means Pv can now cheat, and proceeds to immediately save his friend from immediate peril whilst laughing maniacally to hide the true intent of his actions. This act seems to have taken the wind out of him and he spends the little while recovering whilst Smilk is laughing harder than ever before. After recovering from his laughing fit he commends Pv for not being foolish and surprising him. Unbeknownst to Smilk, he is revealing his own hand, that Smilk is lowering his guard.

Now with the chess game over, Wizard seems awfully eager for the next activity, where we immediately get a great quote from Smilk.

Shadow Milk Cookie: Cookies fear what they don't understand. Always so quick to fill that void with the first thing that fits their belief system! Anything, really!

Given that's entierly true for Mystic, reasonably true for Sbice and technically true for Smilk, I have a feeling I might know at least a little bit how the other two beast's will work lol. Once again, the story repeats, game is introduced, this time it's cards, and friends get in trouble, whoopsies. This time however Pv has had enough, accidentally regressing the upper hand he had gotten from the previous game, whoopsies lol, where he snaps at Smilk to stop involving the friends, and that this is between only them-- he couldn't contain his desire for kindness, and seeing them threatened so often was getting to him too much. Smilk with this reveal of weakness keeps his cards (teehee) incredibly close to his chest, getting more reinforcement that the friends are the ticket to his broken jam. This game along with the chess game is also all about telling the truth, and if they "lie", whatever that means for tarot cards, they get shredded for it. I saw someone like yesterday talk about how interesting the cards answers were, but I'm running on the finest fumes Adhd can give, so I don't remember any of that whatsoever lmao; they should probably be a neighbouring post if this guy doesn't get shadowbanned for being a billion words long. The cards then threaten to do bodily functions cookies shouldn't be able to do but we aren't going on that tangent either lmao. Smilk places all the upset cards out, and asks Pv to pull out the desired cards, who initially refuses but quite quickly folds (teehee, feck I said I would stop that lol) and picks some anyways, where the gang loudly try to rig the cards, to which Smilk just finds cute & pathetic. It turns out that by the force of some kind, most likely Smilk himself, the terrible unfortunate cards are consistently drawn every single time for Pv who doesn't react much, and after trying over and over he decides to instead draw for himself, which then something physically occurs to Pv? I'm not sure what he just hurks over for a second and then doesn't get followed up upon lol. After Smilk rigged his own tarot cards, he then lets Pv try again, to the absolute befuddlement of his entourage, but Pv doesn't accept the offer, not wanting to let Smilk win. But since Smilk for some reason really wants Pv to practice the cards he doesn't go very hard on his prodding this time, instead throwing out some empty threats and focusing on pivoting to showing Pv his room so that he can totally go practice his tarots in there instead, of course establishing that escape is no option. And the final panel is Pv being confused about something, but I'm not sure if it's because of Smilks handing of cards over to Sapph or if Capple is that loud in her anger.

I'm gonna skip most of the Capple drama, I'm mostly confused why the writers wrote her that way? I don't really read it as out of character inherently but it's just, weird? Why'd you do that lol. But the duo does talk about how weird it is for Smilk to behave this way. Also not sure what that really tells about any of the people involved, but Smilk has not informed the duo adequately how he feels about Pv, so they just think he's emotionally no different than any normal cookie, instead of, yk, pining /lh,

After that weirdness occurred, Smilk threatens to murder Capple, so ngl I'm not gonna guess they've got a great personal relationship together.

Then just. filler I think? I'm not sure why we learn the functions of deceit, it doesn't really seem pertinent. Might just be crk wanting to throw in some ideas they had idk lol

Some more filler but then jumpscare Smilk has a curiosity he wants to fulfill, since this entire time his actions could be in theory completely dictated by his very presence, yes? So what happens when Smilk isn't around, will Pv crack?

Pv however, believes he still has the upper hand, he's now in that final step of that plan, he has to make Smilk believe that he won, but that does mean being technically mean to his friends, which he does apologize for later heh. He doesn't actively aggro his friends though, he just keeps emphasizing his "loyality" to Smilk, with a pertinent point being.

Truthless Recluse: I think I'm beginning to understand him. And... it fills me with fear and self-loathing. Wizard Cookie: Shadow Milk Cookie thinks he made you join his side! He thinks he's won! Truthless Recluse: ... He is not wrong.

Besides him describing Smilk's innermost feelings almost to a T, when your own friends tell you to your face your plan is working, I think you're doin an alright job w your deception lol, He goes on a long monologue about how much he doesn't care and how he's the greatest liar ever. However, something goes awry, really awry, in fact, it wasn't just me analysing the scenes who noticed, the friends in fact noticed Pv's behaviour. They start questioning his character, which instantly breaks Pv's character, and then they list out all the actions Pv has committed to keep his friends safe this entire time, whilst struggling to find the words as he has no good answer as to why he would've saved them if he truly, genuinely, didn't care for them anymore, if they really meant nothing to him, if he truly gave up all the way back, why are any of his friends alive right now?-- they bombard him with the truth of his actions, where he then gives up trying to talk back. After a long pause he instead brings out the tool he knows that Smilk, will enjoy, the tool that will cement his connection with Smilk, that neither party will be able to tell him that he's lying right now, the tarot cards, and seals his friends away.

Sapph comes in to collect them, where Pv acts his cruellest, for the first time actually dismissing his friends completely, which I absolutely can see the argument that this is proof that he truly doesn't care about them. I would however argue that Pv was overcompensating, he knows he will never harm them, and so far that has been entirely within his control, Smilk so far has never harmed the gang directly so Pv has had plenty of proof that turning them in will likely not endanger the gang, keeping the gang around would also harm his deception extraordinarily so, super mega so, it might genuinely completely ruin his entire trick, if he showed any mercy at all in the slightest to his friends might tip Smilk off that his kindness has been growing as time has gone on, not diminishing, but because of their grilling of him he was terrified of the possibility, so like i said i believe, he overcompensated, surely there's no way Smilk thinks I'm lying if I had no interest at all whatsoever in the slightest of accepting their offer. I am so mean and evil, Smilk won't suspect a thing and my friends won't be harmed.

Smilk, which I believe was implied to be floating outside of the window spying on Pv, knows that "he failed to get his friends to leave", so twists that into Pv now missing his friends, and proposes a solution, one that Pv can already tell what said solution is. Smilk is excited once more that Pv is becoming more like him, not only does he use the same tricks, not only can he now do tarots, but he now knows what games they're going to play.

Then they just, participate in the game, Brave accidentally spoils the ending by saying he knows their friends wouldn't turn on them, I wonder who that could be about /lh. Smilk starts prodding Pv again, who wordlessly rolls the dice. After a couple rounds Smilk comments on how boring this game is, and Pv explains that they've basically got infinite resolution, which is either a really bad play by him, or Pv's intimate understanding that Smilk's guard is so low that he knew that Smilk would do exactly what he'd do, which is brush it off and ignore it. The mistake that truly happens though is not limited to Pvs, the friends call out to him and tell him to stay determined, and Pv trying his best to keep his stoicism his souljam struggles to lie the same, leading to Smilk noticing that the string can still be plucked, and decides to see what happens if it snaps.

Smilk has to some capacity restrained the gang, expressing tiredness from their lack of appreciation, imposing the power over his land, reiterating his strength, all to turn to Pv, and ask him instead for a solution to these pesky cookies, who asks what he wants him to do, but Smilk insists that Pv should have to make the choice, surprising Pv. Which then leads to Smilk revealing the optoins, as usual, kill the gang or give over the souljam. This is admittedly one of the only points of contention with the claim I made ages ago at this point lol, how would he change the color of the souljam if he wasn't really losing his truth here, the biggest stretch I could give is that he's not abandoning his truth, he is instead prioritizing deceit. He is building up to this moment after all, he knows that Smilk is currently at his lowest defence right now, so convincing him he is an ally through becoming the thing he knows Smilk wants, becoming a cookie of deceit, seems like a logical thought process for him to have, I just, really don't know if that'd convert the color of his jam though lol, maybe its excusable enough that it only converts halfway. He then hands over the half white souljam over to Smilk, who immediately pulls the rug under Pv, because he is pissed off at the gang for being such a nuisance this entire time, and he also knows that its the remaining tether between Pv becoming exactly like him, and off the tower they go, devastating Pv.

He pleads for answers, but Smilk just taunts him, and brings back the ace from ages ago, he's been planting the seeds for Pv to believe that Smilk is innocent after all, this is him cashing it in. He reveals his guard wasn't actually that low, and that he had noticed the fact the gang are still alive. I'm not sure how to describe the intent of his diatribe, ig just quoting it doesn't hurt, he's snappy about it at least.

Shadow Milk Cookie: What was it? Your petty self-righteousness? Foolishness? Sense of Guilt? What was it that made your Soul Jam ring like a thousand bells?! Oh, I couldn't stand this annoying sound of whatever was left of your feeble will that kept resonating and resonating throughout the entire place!

The reason why idk how to describe it is because he then shifts over to gleefulness, where he explains the transition from simply wanting the soul jam to wanting to see what happened when he prodded him. Pv however, instantly picked up on what Smilk was putting down, and instantly repeating exactly word for word what Smilk wants to hear. He then shows the souljam is now completely white, which since it has been in the hands of Smilk and we know the souljam can change colors if the beast gets a hold of it I see no reason why that isn't a good enough explanation to cover the rest of my back lol. Pv however, still wants his shiny rock please and thank you, because he's still enacting his plan, his souljam is his, because it is now the souljam of deceit.

Truthless Recluse: Is this what you wanted? Or is it even better? Instead of one Soul Jam of Knowledge, you will have two Soul Jams of Deceit. And me, forever by your side.

Mans knows exactly the words Smilk wants to hear to a T, mans gauging how correct he was in his reply lmao, also mans says "we are meant to be together" and smilk does :D. Oh and also reiteration of his desire to control Pv. Pv also instantly checks how much power he actually gained from either himself converting a little bit to deceit or having smilks powers infused into the souljam after holding onto it lmao. After smilk gets like a minute to brag Pv immediately has won, his plan succeeded, Pure Vanilla Cookie successfully tricked Shadow Milk Cookie.

Smilk, realizing what has just happened, goes through a lot of stages of emotions, first dismay that he cannot control his other realm, then anger at Pv, specifically regarding that he was tricked, making him sound very hypocritical I wonder why he would be hypocritical what about his character would indicate that he would be bothered by being tricked i dunnooo /lh, then almost uncontrollable rage as he demands the souljam where he rushes pv with anger, then surprise, and i believe for a final moment awe, then pv decides to stab his souljam which is a choice for sure lol. I think the way I would read it requires us to tangent into his awakened form, so uh, tangent time.

Pv's awakened form is all about recognizing the importance of truth and deceit, thanks for coming to my ted talk. ok well no in seriousness the most important part is that he has smilk's eyes in his cape thing, both opened and closed ones, an absolute shitton of his design takes from smilk, his room has keys to smilk's locks, he has moon decorations that are smilks theme whilst he also has sun ones for pv, he has scrolls which is in both his Sage & Fount outfits are important design elements. His awakened form also has a couple lines that signify the importance of both truth and deceit, "You can learn a thing for(?) two from Deceit", "Truth and Deceit may be inseperable...". There are also far more dialogue than pre awakened of his desire for friendship & connection for others, since it only has 2 compared to awakened's 7, friendship, determination and resolution are the primary things that made him awaken into compassion.

There we go, tangent over, with that established, since he stabbed his souljam, do we think it could possibly be direct symbolism that he's breaking the original meaning of his souljam, that it's not just the souljam of truth, but the souljam of both truth and deceit, as both are important to him now? Just a thought? Maybe possible sorta? Anyways back to the rest of the ep lol, he goes through anime transformation sequence where he goes through every aspect of his life, sploshes through milk, then gets ribbons of the yellow/white of truth and the dark blue/eyes of deceit, really hammering home that both aspects are intrinsic to his existence as awakened. He then gets his memories fixed, he describes them being fixed to some capacity as his choices, so regaining the autonomy that smilk so badly wanted but could never once from start to finish ever manage to control. Smilk responds accordingly by calling him a traitor, where Pv's first words to smilk is (paraphrased) "I will embrace deceit, I will accept doubt, everything holds answers, don't you agree mr knowledge man. we can be poggies together duder" which smilk is not a fan of whatsoever, "A lie shall vanquish a lie!" Which is just a description of what he did lol. I think I hit my tired mark, Ill try to stay coherent

Next ep is filler resolution from the first ep

Then Smilk is pissed, but pv doesnt care, his nr 1 action is kindness after all, and especially now when he has awakened and embraced deceit he can see through smilk even more than he already could, he has no reason to fear smilk whatsoever, smilk just laughs in his face to pvs confusion, smilk recognizes his power imbalance and tries to take advantage of that the friends are dead, but teller came back and saved them, leaving smilk with no leverage at all anymore, he is lesser than pv in every single way now, then pv explains how there can be 2 pvs, pv prevents one of the tarot cards but i still dk what any of those cards mean so cant help you there on what he's on about, they fuse together into one, and then smilk comes in pissed cause no one is paying attention to him, he so desperately is clawing for any kind of upper hand

but pv just, isnt phased by it whatsoever, once again because he embraced deceit he is twice the cookie smilk is, and reaches out to smilk, he tries to gain the upper hand again but it doesnt work, pv explains that friendship poggies which smilk finds dumb. Pv then asks why did you do all that shit today, im simply curious dude, smilk tries to mask, pv sees right through it cause of the aforementioned records which told him that smilk was ecstatic when the souljams touched tips i mean deceit, smilk realizing his truest feelings is just bein splayed out for everyone to se shuts down further, but pv pushes through and tries to find common ground, but as someone who has had everyone turn their back to him and then spent lifetimes lying shockingly struggles w friendship, so this connection shit is so inane to him he cant help but just break out into laughter and desperately claw at reasons why it wouldnt work, that he already has his spire, and pv must just be dumbass, but pv aint havin none of it, if you truly didnt give a shit you wouldnt have done all of this effort bestie, but smilk doesnt like that pv is still right so tried once again to flat failure to gain the upper hand, where we then return to all the way back in the beginning, we finish off the loop, pv explains how they became one, and he could sense how lonely smilk was, which smilk reacts violently too, this is hitting insanely close to home and he'd rather not have him keep airing out his feelings please and thank you, pv does not, "Yes, Shadow Milk Cookie. No one else but me can truly understand you. We share the same Soul Jam. We can understand each other like no one else can. You don't have to be lonely... I'm right here. Please. Let me be your... friend.", which for the first second ever this entire ep, doesn't reveal his secret feelings, doesnt accidentally get brought to the surface, but truly cracks his defense, even if its only the tiniest of cracks, Smilk hesitates at the notion, he thinks about it, genuinely, for just a mere moment, which as you can imagine he doesn't like that it just happened and becomes violent again, raising his defenses a billion times as all petulant bullies do and screams his head off and we bonk him heh. pv still outclasse smilk, he has his powers, there is nothing smilk can do that pv cant do, so smilk is at most just bein a whiny baby here, so pv tries again to connect, but smilk is, lets say, not in the right headspace for this conversation, and is rude lol. He then runs away and the first thing pv says is functinoally "ill get to see him again :)"

Now, after aaaaaaaaaallllll that, what have we learnt about pv and his likelihood of forgiving smilk? I at least feel like the odds are the he has already forgiven smilk, that smilk doesn't actually have much that needs to be forgiven as pv was playing along and that he will choose kindness every time. yeah im gonna say its probably decently likely that pv's biggest lesson in practice is determination, he will persevere because his friends are always worth it-- and no intent of not extending his compassion to someone he has already embraced and intimately understands.

also ik it's irrelevant cause it's not talking about the facts, but remember when i mentioned way back at the beginning of the post that I made comments about the stories in discord?

That was my live first reaction to the story at that point, so unless I'm a massive untrusting moron, I think at least I can say there's reasonable precedent to believe that he wasn't at least intended to have truly 'fallen'.

...

...

Okay FINE I'll talk about why the time travel is weird lmao. It's cause it's not time travel xd I think its the grandfather paradox in play? Because if they are indeed the very same Pv, then their endgame shouldnt be capable of changing, there should be no "real" failed recluse and then our awaken pv, they should both be failed or both be awakened, it turns out im too tired to explain how the order of events works, but pv cant get awakened w/o teller, and teller cant know to go to awakened when there is no awakened yet, yes i did write this all in one night thats adhd for you, so the couple options that are available are:

It's an AU not timetravel, meaning all Teller scenes are irrelevant to any analysis of Pv, they lived different lives, it is irrelevant.

It's entirely made by Smilk to trick the gang, which makes the least amount of sense cause he would've then knowingly constructed his own downfall given he should have knowledge of the awakening if past, present and future all were taking place at the same time.

Or the one I find the likeliest, its an externalization of Pvs doubts manifested, it was never real and wasn't any time travel, that explanation was a lie like most parts of the tower, but his fears are real, and in a space that represents the multitude perspectives of truth, so literally just like Mystic, his Resolution and Apathy separated, but also like Mystic the Apathy part is really bad at doin their job and was actually really passionate about their friends lmao

Now let me live in peace ignorin the stupid time travel some more lol

They should have the capacity to believe they are wrong and thus capable of learning to any degree.

Shadow Milk Cookie: What's happening... Why am I not regaining my power...? The guardian is gone... So why is the blasted tree still standing? Why doesn't Pure Vanilla Cookie... obey?! ***

This isn't evidence of him actually acknowledging that he is wrong in the moment, but it's the foreshadowing of his conclusion, as you surely know by getting to this point lol. He continuously gets presented one lesson over and over and over: Lies cannot modify truth, and it cannot control it. It can manipulate the way knowledge is framed, but it does not modify the truth in any way. And although this lesson will be hammered in more once the foreshadowed part comes around, it's absolutely not a sentiment that's meaningless once you've completed the latest chapter heh.

I'm rapidly losing my capacity to be coherent, but the entirety of Pv's ascension is fighting everythin he knows about, he got tricked, he underestimated truth, he became weaker than pv, he lost to this gang, his spire got destroyed-- the question here is now when that has all been smashed, will we get to him in time or is he just going to reinforce his desperation to repair his status, though given pv's acceptance of deceit i dont expect whatever reperation occurs is not going to be particularly weak to a guy who goes 'yeah well im everything you want to be and i want to be your friend'

Felt like there should at least be an honorable mention for the times where Smilk really starts showing their desire to keep Pv around pre-latest chapter, that once again this wasn't a final minute thing. I should extra elaborate that does not mean that all of these are healthy, appropriate or even definable as 'not bad'. This is mostly the toxic part of toxic yaoi lmao

Shadow Milk Cookie: Eugh, I see you're still so deadfully, painfully, unbreaably... "you"!!!... Thinking much about me these days? ... Pretty cosy, innit? Makes you feel right at home! Why don't you stay for another day? Or... FOREVER! Sit back, relax, and watch my sinister plans unfold from the comfort of your very own prison! Oh? What am I saying? Silly little m! You've always been here, and you always will be! *** Shadow Milk Cookie: Indeed, all this time, you've been my most treasured marionette! ***

And the very final section, is there any evidence contradictory to his ability to be reformed? Is he particularly stubborn about something that would hinder his ability to change his perspective?

And I mean, besides throwing a childish tantrum at the end because he got scared of intimacy? Ig there's one,

Shadow Milk Cookie: Cookies fear what they don't understand. Always so quick to fill that void with the first thing that fits their belief system! Anything, really! Ahh, that would make Knowledge simply the collective agreement on the strongest beliefs, wouldn't you agree? Allow me to demonstrate with these cards.

Which yeah, is pretty antithetical to the idea of knowledge as a virtue, well done smilk you've got 1 whole argument as to why you might struggle with redemption, I'll let you know in 5-10 business years whether that out-stumps all the rest of this dissertation lmao.

My tired gang finishing up last section, don't see naything else that's antithetical to truth or knowledge having popped up at all

Now with all of that out of the way, phew-wee, we can talk about the skin a little bit. We know the skin isn't his Fount of Knowledge time, cause first of all the sage is never referred to as that lol, but secondly they don't look alike, the reason I mentioned the hiding of the past thing on the other two is that Smilk proudly shows off his past and deliberately brings Pv to it, so we know what the fount looks like, and it ain't the sage

So if not the past, what then? Tbh I'm not super confident, if I wanted to be a giddy lil fangirl I could argue that it's the future, that it is what redeemed Smilk will look like, that as the story progresses we will more and more see Smilk, though in all honesty it does just feel like an AU version, he does say "They cookie of truth? That's-a-me" which, yk, wasn't his og virtue and probably won't be his redeemed one either, the story told within talks of a recluse that doesn't exist, the one in the main questline never talks about any mountains, it just feels like a swap au, nothing more. Whatever the option though, I still want to make some inferences, though I do very much recognize that because we don't know who Sage is to the canon that all of this is pretty baseless, but since we're here anyways, why not lol.

The biggest inference is that Truthful Smilk & Present Smilk aren't all that different in behaviour at all "Do I really need to spell out everything? Come on, think!", they're both cheeky "Now now, I'm not like those other Academics", they're both playful "Ooooh, are you proposing a debate? Alright, but no backsies!"-"Think I'm wrong? Very well, present your case!", they both have their convictions "Admitting your ignorance is the first step towards the Truth", they both tease "Why does everyone try so hard to hide their ignorance? Tsk!", they sing-song "The arts, academia, technology, magic...Truth exists everywhere!", both really want to show off their stuff "There you are! Time for some magic!"-- like the only practical difference between the two in their character is what they're believing in, the only other thing i can think of is that sage tends to just make statements a lot more often, thats it. So, going on quite the decent limb, I don't think he needs a full personality or character rewrite to still work as smilk.

Finally, after 12 hours of straight grinding on this: In conclusion, do I think he's currently redeemed, as I'm a bit scared to post this so I feel the need to assure my stance? No, I don't, nor was that my claim. Do I think it will inherently make it a better story if he was redeemed? Not inherently no, but I think it absolutely can be a good story, I don't think it's doomed to fail or doomed to inexplicably ruin the characters involved automatically. By saying I believe he can be redeemed and to some capacity would like to see it, am I excusing all his terrible/abusive behaviour that i skipped over for this analysis as I believe it to be irrelevant to my case? One of us has the wrong definition of redemption then if you think that to be what I'm saying lmao, cause what I'm aware atoning for your sins and crimes are required to be redeemed, a whiplash "I tried to murder you and then suddenly two seconds later I'm nice now" is a bad redemption story at all times and has nothin to do w smilk-- ofc it'd require growth, recognition, self reflection & consequences, ofc his past behaviour would have to be atoned for in whatever way the victims see fit. Do I think I am undermining Pv's experiences/trauma regarding Smilk if he were to be redeemed? Not only do I feel like i adequately listed out the reasons why I don't think he present day canonically doens't hold a grudge towards smilk in the slightest, i would also not think smilk or any of the beasts to be redeemed w/o their other half also accepting them. Do I expect crk to handle the redemption in a good way? No lol

[darkfictionjude]

Hi Jude! I just wanted to say I love your writing and I am so excited for future updates on any of your stories. Your characters feel so alive and fleshed out, and the character relationship development feels so realistic and well-paced. There are so many hidden little variations, I thought I'd played WWC to death and I still see hints on tumblr about scenes I haven't come across! So thank you for sharing your stories with us. :)

Also because I saw another anon saying about him being a dick, which I totally get, I wanted to let you know there is at least one person here who loves Percy. Won't lie, first time through I was like 'hmm, OK, only Sally loves Crowny, got it' and then on another playthrough I chose to take driving lessons from Percy and I just. Loved that scene. I hope we get more moments with Percy in the future and Crowny can let him know they do appreciate him as well, even if he won't lie down in a puddle for them.

Also also, I love the different romantic routes you have in WWC, with the friendly/antagonistic paths. Are you planning anything similar for EC and OYHS? Or will it be more based on the story route, like being kidnapped/not kidnapped on Dante's route?

Thank you!! Sometimes I’m so impatient with showing the other side to these characters to see if people’s opinion changes or not. With Percy, with Orla who people thought she had no reason to despise crowny, with lorcan. I think episode 7 really hammered in the fact that crowny omits and/or lies to you even though you’re them so it’s nice to see the mirage unravel

For romance I’m planning something similar but perhaps I might call it something different. Like toxic/healthy?

[midnight1nk]

oh youre so right it didn’t click for me that three being happy about it was because he looks less like 4 and stuff.

Three makeover episode where he’s trying to look less like Four but everytime he tries to change his look Four has coincidentally changed it up the same way.

also the fact that the james image they used was specifically Puzzlevision Hoodie…. Hmm… double agent SMG3 real when?

OOH, I would LOVE a makeover episode with 3, totally not an excuse to see his cafe again and more outfits for him to wear

what? no pfffft...

(And concept Ink is already crashing in this ask, haha) I can totally imagine the show mocking a bit of cartoon logic of them wearing the same outfits every day for months *sitcom laugh track*. I mean, he also has his WOTFI 2023 suit, but really? So, time to go shopping, with Eggdog obviously! Plus, it'd be a perfect opportunity for fan creators to have their models featured :)

*gasp* We can bring the silly pants from the recent episode back for this. Cafe uniform tho? 👀

Anyway, 3 does play it off that it is a makeover, but anything that made him look like 4 would reject it. Well, it's gotta be all in his head, right? Those stupid mirrors. ......And guess who decided to shop for clothes on the same day.

Fuck. Exactly, 3. Ofc, we gotta have this spiral into a "Trash Friends"-esque episode. How can we not? But how it ends, well, you decide! We could go with the nice ending like before, or go for the angst.

Anyway, the Puzzlevision hoodie, god it's so good.... well, it could just be that there was a lot more variety of pictures for them to go with that one. Listen, I work in production, I absolutely get it. BUUUT it would be fun if it were a hint for something in the future. I seriously think Puzzles might approach 3 for a reason. For the villain recruit, or for the digital copy/kidnapping idea. Whatever it may be. It's too soon to call exactly what, but I know it would be a HUGE step in 3's character development, where it comes down to what he chooses. Kinda a "You Used to be Cool" situation, but even higher stakes. I already have so many ideas for their encounter, but it entirely depends on how much development the Team plans to give him between now and when this encounter might happen. But yeah, Double Agent 3 was definitely one of them!

thanks for ask!

[aria-bun]

I love you like the ashes in my cigarette box

Jon and Basira clean out Tim's stuff Read on ao3!

Jon stared at the three desks, all of them deserted.

Belonging to Sasha, Tim, and Martin.

Sasha’s had been cleaned out, and Martin’s space was empty, Jon assumed that he had moved it when he started working with Peter Lukas.

Tim’s, however, was the same as it was before they left—untouched, except for a thin layer of dust coating it.

“It would’ve been cleaned out months ago, but I figured you’d want to be here for it,” Basira said, adjusting her headscarf with one hand. “And Martin, but I have a feeling we won’t be able to get him to help.”

“Right.” He nodded, glancing at her before looking back at the desk. The area was messy, with the cup of pencils knocked over, a cardboard box under the desk, and several pieces of scrap paper scattered around.

While Basira started with the Back To The Future poster hanging by his desk, Jon pulled the cardboard box from under it.

It was filled with knicknacks from office functions, probably from when he was in Research; A mug that read “Worlds Okayest Bisexual” on the side, a half-empty box of paper clips (several of which were bent into weird shapes), more pencils, and a tape recorder.

The recorder threw Jon off. Tim hated tape recorders. It didn’t look like any of the ones from the Institute, either. This one seemed newer, and a bit smaller than the ones that kept appearing around the Archives.

He pressed the Eject button, and it opened, showing the tape inside.

“Basira?” He looked over at her. “There’s a tape in here.”

“Really?” She raised her eyebrows. “Tim hated the tapes though.”

“I know.” He stood, using the desk for leverage, recorder in hand.

“...That one’s not from the Institute.”

“It isn’t,” Jon confirmed.

“...Should we listen to it?” Basira asked, rolling up the poster.

He paused for a moment, looking back at the tape recorder. “I… I think so. Tim didn’t do statements, so this might be one of the few things we have here with his voice on it.”

She blew out a breath. “Alright, just- Let’s finish this first.”

——————————————————————

Jon and Basira sat in the Archives, the tape recorder sitting on the table in front of them. 

It’d been sitting there for ten minutes, and neither of them had touched it.

“...What are you guys doing?” Melanie’s voice came from behind them, irritated. “Is that another damn tape recorder? What, are they deciding to mix up the looks?”

He shook his head. “No. This was Tim’s.”

“Why the hell would he have a tape recorder?”

“That’s what we’re trying to figure out. We were going to listen.” Barisa’s gaze stayed on the recorder.

“Then don’t mind if I do.” Melanie pulled out a chair and sat down at the table next to Basira.

The three of them sat there for a few more minutes, nobody moving to turn it on.

“...Is anyone going to actually turn it on?” Melanie looked between the two of them.

Jon wanted to. He just had a feeling that whatever was on the tape wasn’t something any of them were going to like.

“Let’s just get this over with.” Barisa let out a breath before pressing PLAY on the recorder.

“Hey, Sasha…” Tim’s voice crackled from the recording. It sounded like he was crying. “Um… I got you a-a Cronut. I know you… can’t eat it anymore but… but I’ll eat it for you.” A shuddering breath filled the recording. “I’m so damn sorry I… I just thought you finally…”

Another shuddering breath. “-getting tired of me or something last year. I didn’t know you were already gone. I’m-” The recording went quiet for a moment, before picking back up. “I’m gonna have to change my catchphrase now, y’know?” He said with a small laugh. It was a sad laugh, on the border of a sob. “Um… “Hello. My name’s… Timothy Stoker… You killed my brother and my best friend… prepare to die.” Tim’s voice broke off again.

“I don’t even know if you like Cronuts, or if that’s just something that… that thing put in my head. I’m not sure of anything in my mind anymore, I guess.” There was a small squeak, sounding like a desk chair. “I have your spare glasses still, I think. They don’t belong to Martin or boss, and the… Not you, I guess that’s what it’s called, didn’t have any.” He exhaled shakily. “I don’t- I don’t know what to do, Sash. About any of this fucking mess. I think if you were the one here, you… you’d know what to do.” A small silence filled the air. “Bye, Sasha.”

The recorder clicked off, the recording on the tape finished.

A thick silence filled the Archive, the only noise being an electric buzz from the overhead lights.

“...Wow.” Barisa put her hands flat on the table as if to stabilize herself. “I-uh- I didn’t know they were so close.”

“Yeah. Tim and Sasha… Well, they were inseparable.” Jon cleared his throat. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t missed Tim’s voice and wished the recording hadn’t been of him grieving.

He also, selfishly, wished he could have gotten Tim to forgive him before he died.

“I think she did like Cronuts,” Melanie said after a moment. “I only met her once before the whole… thing happened, but I remember seeing one on a napkin on her desk.”

The three of them fell back into a gut-wrenching silence, still looking at the tape recorder sitting on the table.

[williamafton2030]

I think the same as you (@summerlycoris ) 😊

There's a good chance this ending was created to make Cassie think Gregory betrayed her. This leaves open the possibility that Cassie might want revenge on Gregory in the future, so perhaps this is an obvious scenario for Vanny Cassie (which is what the concept of Cassie becoming a new follower is called) to occur.

Furthermore, in the Brazil Ending, Mimic also tries to deceive us by imitating Gregory's voice again. We hear "Cassie, I'm okay. I found a spot to hide," which is a repetition given by Mimic of one of the lines he said at the Beauty Salon (after Roxanne ran away after hearing Gregory's voice). Mimic tricked Cassie at that moment, and now he's repeating the same trick even though he's been discovered.

In the epilogues of Tales from the Pizzaplex, something similar happens, as Mimic imitates a girl's voice to lure the young men to where he is. They miraculously manage to escape. After that, Mimic tries to trick them again with the same trick, even though they already know about the deception.

Finally, let's clarify that Gregory did know about Mimic, and I'll explain why ( @holly-opal ). First of all, thanks to the first story in Tales from the Pizzaplex #5, called "GGY," we were told that Gregory was patient 46 (or rather GGY which is his name when he was controlled) in the retro CDs before Security Breach. That is, he was under the control of Glitchtrap, one of Mimic's many digital avatars.

In Security Breach, he seems to have lost his memories of this. However, after Security Breach, we learn that Gregory leaves various drawings around the Pizzaplex of possible endings he could have had during his escape in Security Breach (this is why we know the Princess Quest ending is canon in Security Breach, since it's the only one he didn't draw).

In one of the drawings, specifically the one we found in the Burntrap area, Gregory drew Burntrap's ending. In this we can see Burntrap (Mimic) and Blob (Tangle) who has not yet taken Burntrap but is about to do so.

This is not the first time Gregory has referenced this ending, as in GGY's story (when he was GGY) he changed Tony's story by adding the following:

By the way, it says "Bobbiedots conclusion" above the text because that's what this Tales from the Pizzaplex is called. But the story I sent you the excerpt from is GGY's, which is the first in this book.

Also clarify that Rab is Gregory. Let me explain: Tony, Ellis, and Greg (Gregory) always gave themselves code names whenever they made a story for Ms. Soto's class. In this case, Tony's code name is Tarbell, Ellis's is Boots, and Greg's (Gregory) is Dr. Rabbit, abbreviated as Rab.

As you can see, Tony gets mad at both of them for completely changing their story, so he stops calling them by their nicknames. In this scene, he's only with Ellis, so that's why we see Tony stop calling him Boots at the end. But in two later scenes, Tony will meet Greg (Gregory) and stop calling him Rab.

I say Greg because that's what Gregory is called right now. However, to say that Greg is short for Gregory, and that he is obviously Gregory, at the end of the story it's very much implied that he is GGY and therefore Gregory, since GGY coincides with the name Gregory (GreGorY).

If this doesn't convince you, in the latest interactive novel Escape The Pizzaplex Gregory (here he is already called by his full name) is in his GGY stage, confirming that he was indeed patient 46 of the CDs called GGY or Dr. Rabbit.

This makes it clear that when Gregory was GGY, he already knew about Burntrap (Mimic) and the Blob (Tangle), and that after the Security Breach, he remembered them because he had already drawn the picture before going down into the pit to lock Mimic up.

Now I need to explain that Gregory also knows about Mimic, since he's the one who locked him up. In the Candy Cadet story from Ruin, it's said that the mother (who is Gregory) locks the monster (Mimic) in the basement, and that after the mother leaves, the monster begins to imitate the mother's singing (voice) to attract the mother's son (Cassie) to free him.

In short, Gregory already knew Mimic thanks to his control over him (the control that made him become GGY), and after the Security Breach, he remembered him. After remembering, they went to the Pizzaplex and locked Mimic up.

I hope my explanation has cleared up your doubt about how Gregory knows about Mimic 😉

This will probably be short but I gotta say something

I find the moment where Gregory cuts the elevator so that Cassie falls is pretty dumb. Like first of all, why would you help your friend from danger only to sent them back into danger? If they really wanna demonize Gregory and make him the bad guy so much he could've just, not give her directions to the elevator and left her to die. Also how did he cut the elevator? Was he there and used comically large scissors to do it? Did he use some tech shit to make it happen, if so how? It's an elevator. I'm not an elevator expert, but I'm pretty sure they aren't connected to a computer. And how the hell does Gregory know about the stupid mimic? Did I miss something? Also I have high doubts that Cassie survived.

They probably wrote that scene in so that they can make Gregory a bad guy.