#even if it hurts! i like it when things hurt in a good way. those stories where the ending is overall positive

[voidingintotheshout]

Islamic perspective:

First, for what it’s worth may Allah ease your suffering regarding going through such a tragedy. As for the Islamic perspective, it’s a little multifaceted, but in general the way I see it it seems to vibe with what you were saying. Like some Americanized Muslims have a different perspective on this that more mirrors Christianity, which I’ll get to in the next paragraph, but in general, Islam has a view that a loving God can still exist in a world, where bad things happen, and doubting your faith, because a bad thing happens, is usually a sign in Islam that you didn’t have much faith to begin with.

In modern Christianity (20th century and beyond) as practiced in America, There is an idea that I call “God as a micromanager”. Essentially, it’s as if they believe God is kind of like a helicopter parent that will not intervene and micromanage your affairs as long as you’re doing appropriate things, but as soon as you might do something that could hurt someone else or yourself in a tragic way they believe God would immediately intervene and prevent you from hurting yourself or others, and thus if someone hurts or suffers, then clearly, God has failed them. Like the helicopter parent on the playground who is willing to sit on the sidelines until the child is a little too excited and is about to run into traffic and then obviously the helicopter parent will run and stop that from happening. In Islam, the big thing is that Allah has given people free will, which means that they are free to do good and bad things. Not to shock anybody, but not all people care about being good. Not all people are concerned about how much suffering they cause. Not all people are concerned about whether they do things that benefit others. Some doctors are only concerned about clout and a paycheck. Some doctors are concerned about making people healthy. Islam creates the rulebook for what God expects but not everybody is even interested in looking at the rules. In Islam, when it says that hard times are a test, what I’ve gathered that it means is that it asking if that difficult time causes you to turn towards Allah or turn away from him? It’s for this reason obviously that Islam can say that sometimes the hardest test for Muslims are good times because you don’t feel the need to do your prayers if things are going well and that’s why sometimes success can be a harder test than poverty. If you’re having rough time, and you immediately want to turn towards Allah/HaShem/God, then in terms of Islam, that is a test that you passed. Alternatively, if you turn away from Allah during a hard time, then that’s a test that you failed. It’s a situation that Allah would be monitoring to see how you react, but he wouldn’t intentionally cause suffering just to get a reaction out of you. The world inherently has suffering, because some people pursue pleasure without worrying about how those actions affect other people. Some people just like having fun and getting high and they don’t necessarily care if their high supports a drug cartel. Some people just wanna buy some cheap stuff at Walmart and they don’t care whether it’s made by sweatshop or slave labor overseas because they just wanted a cute T-shirt, or whatever. I’m not immune to these kinds of things. Sometimes the suffering is happening intentionally at the hands of a CEO, and sometimes suffering is happening at the hands of consumers who don’t care enough about the consequences to their actions. Like I know that factory farming is bad and that animals raised in a kosher/Halal method are given a better quality of life and death but if I choose not to buy that more expensive meat than I am kind of responsible for suffering that might be happening because of my purchase and I’ll need to answer for that someday.

I hope that this is an OK addition, but I feel like it’s a perspective that may not be obvious to some but in summary, Free will means free Will whether it hurts people or not. And just because some thing is a test doesn’t mean that the teacher created the test it might be something that is a reflection of who you are.

Finally, I hope that everyone who is dealing with suffering gets direction towards an easing of that suffering, and I hope that everyone Who feels triggered because of the suffering that they endured at the hands of religious people can also find an ease of that suffering. Anything that gives people power can inherently be misused because people have free will, and not everyone uses their free will well. 

This is perhaps a cruel feeling to have but I am made almost angry by people who “doubt their faith” just because a bad thing happened to them.

You always knew it happened! You are an adult! You know horrific accidents happen, innocent people are hurt, fawns die in the woods without witnesses! But as soon as it’s not “somebody” and it’s you, you stop believing in a loving God?

If you say “I can’t reconcile all the bad things that happen on Earth with a God who is good” I get it.

If you say “I can reconcile all the bad things that happen on Earth with a God who is good” I get it.

If you say “I can reconcile all the bad things that happen on Earth, but I can’t reconcile all the bad things that happen to me with a God who is good,” I dont understand. I’m uncomprehending.

[twinkletfout]

I like to think that a soft and gentle man like Nanami has to be the roughest in bed. Just the thought makes me MELT.

The moment both of you stumble into your shared bedroom, The second the door closes behind with a 'click', he has you against the now closed door, your wrists are tightened with a single grip of his. His other hand harshly pulls down your panties to cup your wet pussy. His middle finger rubbing circle on your sensitive nub as he hums in delight of the way your thighs tremble. Maybe he will catch you off-guard by stopping midway to earn a whimper or two, then plunging his thick fingers, he would love how your eyes roll back in ecstasy as you try to stand still with your back arches in pleasure. "You're leaking all over my fingers, baby" you hum lightly, arching your back against him, "missed me that badly, sweetheart?"

He would push you on to the bed as he takes off his shirt in a hurry that he might break a few buttons. The way you look splayed on the bed with those eyes filled with desire. Gosh, it's doing things to him, his cock twitching and bopping up at the sight. And it hurts but in a good way that he wants to grip his length to be inside you after so long. He was thinking of you all day long, all those flirty comments you make, nanami never falter, not even a little bit or break a sweat in public, but that exact man is in front of you right now, ripping his shirt off and his face practically painted red, flushed.

After he gets on top of you and looks down at you, narrowing his eyes as he drinks down your state under him, and how you get embarrassed of the way he is looking at you and turns out you look away at last is what he loves the most, so he can make you look at him and spout the filthiest things with a playful smirk. "Weren't so shy in all those messages, what's wrong now? Cannot even look me in the eye anymore?" He would make you look at him, brushing his thumb past your lower lip as he leaned down to kiss you messy. Oh and btw he definitely is a man to talk you through it and knowing you like it like that. As you try to accommodate his size, he would run his fingers down your thighs reassuringly while his other hand rub your puffy clit. "Aren't you a good girl? Take it, i know you can" And when he manages to slip it all in, kissing your most sensitive area as your thighs literally tremble, he would coo in your ear, a sweet praise for making him feel so good. "Godd, i might cum if you squeeze me that hard, shit— haa im trying, baby, am i being good nhmm?" All of his senses will drown in your moans, later as he would start thrusting in you roughly. It's like he uses you for his own pleasure, slapping your ass and pulling on your hair. But you notice faintly the way his roughness crumbles, kissing your teary eyes and capturing your lips as he pounds into you, your moans drowning in between those kisses.

I might be a lil too feral for him but like, look at him, he is Nanami Kento

[boofeine]

kinky things that make seventeen members more aroused during sex

WARNINGS: mdni, smut headcanons, afab reader, cum play, breeding kink, bondage, restraining, overstimulation, role play, edging, pain kink, orgasm dinal, spanking, choking

tags: @huen1ngk4i @aaniag @svteensworld @kooqitas @unlikelysublimekryptonite @yorkutis

seungcheol – cum play and breeding; it has to be raw sex... there's nothing seungcheol loves more than feel your walls pulsating around his cock. the way he can see his hot cum spurr on your ass cheek or on your breast, belly, neck, anywhere really. sometimes, when he feels a little risky, he can't help but ask to cum inside you, the way your cums mixed comes out of your clenching hole when he finally pulls out, he's done but he's ready to get hard again.

jeonghan – having to keep quiet; it's all about the teasing, he loves seeing you suffer to keep it down when it feels so good. your lips caged in your teeth as small whines treats to come out, "is it too much, babe?", he would tease with a devilish smirk, testing all your limits by restraining your high until you can't take it anymore. when you're finally coming undone, he loves to press his palm over your mouth or demand you to bite him to not moan too loud.

joshua – multiple orgasm; like... HEAR ME OUT!! he likes to take his time with you, he's so gentle, with no rush at all. sometimes, it's not even on purpose, but he's edging you so much, that when it finally comes, you cum and cum and cum again. his stamina is crazy and he won't stop until he's satisfied. you squirm and sweat under his workship, "are you tired? i haven't even started with you yet, lay down again for me".

junhui – role play; see, he just gives me those vibes. he'd feel embarrassed at first, but once you fully clock him in, he'd be obsessed. specially, scenarios where you're doming him, he fucking lose his mind... use him, step on him, anything, he's rock hard under your actions. as he grows used to it, he even asks you to get costumized for it, getting really in character, he loves sexy costumes and lacy fantasies.

soonyoung – pain kink; is it new for anyone? hoshi, himself, said he works better under pressure. he loves the spanking and the degradation, he squirms and growls because of you, but it also makes him want to do a better job... if not to make you fully satisfied, he's not doing anything. i see hoshi enjoying face slapping, rough gripping like grabbing his cheeks and jaw while he's on his knees for you, thumb slowly making its way inside his mouth as you laugh at how pathetic he looks for you.

wonwoo – edging; sometimes he's in his mean mode, he normally is sweet and passionate during sex but breaking a sweat to make you beg him to let you cum is one of his favorites. the way you wrap your legs around his hips, rolling yours as you bumble breathy words in between "please", he never cums harder, pinning you down on the mattress to stop you from running, his core pressing over your clit as wonwoo alternates in rough thrusts and slow ones. it makes you almost cry for his mercy.

jihoon – being loud; different from jeonghan, he loves to hear you loud and clear, it bust his ego that he's doing such a good job at delivering pleasure. it could get him off guard at first, too afraid someone would hear, his cheeks flushing, as you scream your moans. but he grows attached to it, it turned into his breaking point every sex, he always pounds harder just to hear you. "is it that good, huh? fuck! let me hear you"

seokmin – overstimulation; especially during oral, he loves the way your legs close on his head when it's too much, how you whine, whimper, and cry out his name. how the grip you have on him always tighten when you say it's too much and that you can't cum anymore. he snugs to your arms, sweetly saying you're a good girl and that he knows you can take it. your pussy swollen and hurt as he whispers "just one more, give it to me" but it's never the last. he loves to treat you well before he gets anything, he gets hard just by pleasing and hearing you.

mingyu – getting tied up; just give this man some handcuffs, put him tied on the bed headboard, i swear he'd cum by just you using him while he's not able to do anything. he likes the frustration, the way he always tries to break free just to touch you as you look at him, tutting and disapproving his not so well behavior. he always cum faster than anything when you use his cock as your fuck toy on your cunt.

minghao – blindfold; he enjoys doing it on you, you always get more out of breath and sensitive when he gets you blindfold. the thrill of it making goosebumps form easily, anticipating every move he might do next. he's obsessed at seeing you so vulnerable, you look nothing but innocent those times. your low moans and whines, he swears you're heaven sent, bumping his length as he touches your body, watching you react shakily, watching you gets him wetter.

seungkwan – rage sex and spanking; not a surprise either... he almost never fights with you, but if there's a good outcome to those fights, it is how frustrated you both get and pull out during the makeup deed. it goes both ways, he likes both, you doming him or him doming you, either way is intense. the choking, the slapping, the way the words turn just a bit bratty and aggressive. he manhandles you like you're born to be his little light doll, changing positions and throwing you around on the bed sheets.

vernon – bringing more people to the game; yes, he's into it. he's up for the threesome always, more than three people, he'd ponder, though. he likes every different aspect of it, just sitting back and watching, or being watched, or mixing positions. it adds to the sex and he's up to it. he's not a jealous guy but normally sets to making the things to you and just receiving for the third person, maybe that's what also arouses him so much, he doesn't gotta do much to cum.

chan – orgasm denial; more precise, being the one receiving it. he enjoys the feeling of his red sensative cockhead burning and dripping pre cum every time you stop him from cumming. the way it hurts just a bit and enough to make him roll his eyes when he finally cums. he won't cum until you say he can and that alone, that hold of power you have on him, makes him tight on his ball. but he's good, he's so well-behaved, you must treat him well.

[aikoiya]

Exactly! My preferred avenue!

Even better if you treat Maddie & Jack as individuals with their own personal experiences, traumas, & biases regarding ghosts & their reasoning behind their views.

For me, I tend to hc Jack as being the one who would be quickest to change his beliefs & that Maddie would take longer.

Yes, Jack's egotistical, but I see him as being he's egotistical in a very similar way to how Papyrus from Undertale is also egotistical. In that, he holds himself in high regard & sees himself as great, but he also sees those he loves & cares for in the same way.

Meanwhile, I see Maddie as much more stubborn & biased in her beliefs, but this is partially due to the Flynn Walker thing.

Flynn Walker being a reimagining of Flynn Fenton from the Butch Hartman pictures where Jack & Maddie had another son named Flynn, who was kidnapped by ghosts as a kid. In this re-imagining, Flynn is instead Jack & Maddie's nephew & son of Alicia Walker & her now ex-husband. They'd been visiting the Fentons at the time & Jack was supposed to be watching the kids while Maddie, Alicia, & her husband were out getting something.

But, when Jack wasn't paying attention, Flynn was stolen away by ghosts who took him into the Ghost Zone through the still unfinished portal.

Naturally, Alicia blamed Jack, which is why she hates him in the show. This was also the event that would put strain on Alicia & her husband's relationship until they divorced.

I tend to hc that this plus other traumatizing experiences as a child would cause Maddie to have a bigger grudge against ghosts than Jack. In other words, I see her as a tragic bigot. A bigot as a result of past trauma regarding the subject in question.

I think that she'd initially be very resistant & stubborn about this, but if given imperical proof that Danny Phantom was Danny Fenton, that they were not separate entities, that he wasn't possessed... then she would reluctantly believe it, but it would also cause her world to sort of go topsy-tervy inside her own head until she could rationalize her own mental dissonance.

In my mind, one way to go about such would be for her to use the Fenton Ghost Catcher on him, then immediately uses the Thermos on Phantom.

Now, obviously, Fenton would want Phantom back, but Maddie would essentially say that it was for his own good before hiding the Thermos away.

... But I honestly don't think that this is something sustainable. Because, as we see in the show, they aren't just separated physically. It also affects both halves' personalities.

Also, keep in mind that we don't ever see them at 2 separate individuals for longer than that one episode.

So, it's entirely possible that their health might begin to deteriorate the longer they are 2. And, eventually, both may even die completely without the other.

Think the end of Steven Universe where his Gem is removed from him.

Something like that, but slower.

And, because of this, I also think that Fenton would likely be missing a bunch of biologically necessary components or that they would be unstable now due to how very integrated ectoplasm was into his DNA. Remember, "hiw molecules got all rearranged."

So, I imagine that everything else in him all the way down to his molecular makeup was likely altered, too.

And, it would likely get to the point where Maddie & Jack had to examine him to understand just... why? Possibly even thinking that maybe there was still ectoplasm left that, without Phantom there to control it, was poisoning their boy.

But they would find that he was back down to normal levels of ectocontamination for an Amity Parker which shouldn't have any affect on him at all.

So why was he deteriorating?

And the pressure & worry & fear for his life would begin to mount until Jazz & Danny's friends put on a heist to free Phantom.

Like, maybe they get one of Danny's ghost allies to distract the Fentons by making them think that they were going to hurt Danny & while they were distracted with protecting their son, the Team would actually save him.

Only to find that Phantom... wasn't doing okay...

Like... imagine Dani & the other clones. He's destabilizing, but... like... it's more like he's fading & evaporating & falling apart at once... Like he's losing cohesion...

Almost seeming to dissolve into mist before reconstituting himself. They can barely touch him & he's so very quiet. He looks like a gaunt Victorian child stricken with the plague. Not to mention his hollow cheeks making him look like he hasn't eaten in years & the dark circles under his exhausted eyes.

So, Sam, in a fit of brilliance, gets the Fenton Fishing Pole & ties the line around Phantom's waist to pull him towards Fenton.

But as they get close, Jack & Maddie return to see... They've never really seen anything like this before.

There are angry questions & fearful attempts to protect, but then Danny... he whispers, "Mom..." & then Phantom looks up, his eyes beginning to lose their glow, fading like to reveal a hauntingly familiar, but now clouded over, empty & faded blue. And he finishes, "...I'm scared..." The echo in his voice, now gone, leaving him to sound exactly like their son. And at that moment, the Danny in the bed let out one final sigh & goes completely still...

And, that was when the ghostly glow that Phantom normally had also began to blink out of existence to show raven hair & a now horrifyingly familiar white hazmat suit with black accents, the left arm fried to a crisp. The... phantom? Lifts the arm tiredly to look at his hand in confusion. Revealing a burning circle in the center of his palm with the word 'ON' underneath it as though seared into his flesh. As though only mildly surprised, he gives a quiet, breathy, "Oh..." before starting to fall forward slowly as his form faded away like a puff of smoke dissipating in the wind to leave a glowing orb to tink against the ground with a sound not unlike that of a glass wind chime.

It's glow seemed to flicker & fade.

Shaking with wide-eyes, they all turn to look at the Danny in the bed, Maddie surging forward to try & shake him awake, before reaching up shakily to feel for a pulse...

...

..

.

... "Nothing..." She whispered in shock & horror, quiet tears coming to her stricken eyes.

That was when Jack gently, but insistently pushed Maddie out of the way & began to perform CPR on his son. "Come on..." He pushed down on his chest, eyes shiny with tears.

The kids were... they were panicking! Sam was hyperventilating as she clutched the orb in her hands, holding it to her chest protectively as she mumbled, desperately that it was still flickering so he had to still be there while Tucker was frantically searching his PDA on how to restart a person's heart without a defibrillator & Jazz seemed to be going over ways to get the "his Core" back inside him at a frenzied pace, her eyes darting around wildly as though literally seeing the options in front of her before dismissing one after the other.

The world around her began to darken & close in around Maddie as her reality narrowed down to this singular point in time.

What did they do? What did they DO!?

She trembled, frozen as she too began to hyperventilate.

Jack's voice was getting frantic. "Come one! You're a Fenton, Dann-o! You're... You're a hero! You can do anything!"

Tucker began chattering about how if they could restart his heart within the next 10 minutes, they might be able to push Danny & his Core through the Merge side of the Ghost Catcher to put them back together!

That was when Jack stood up straight, looked at Maddie, & realizing what was happening, something shifted in him as he grabbed her upper arms & got up close to look her dead in the eye. "Mads, look at me. Dann-o needs us. I'm gonna go juryrig a pair of d-fibs, but I need you to keep doing CPR or we might lose him for good." He was strangely calm & gentle, but firm & insistent.

At his words, Maddie's eyes seemed to focus again, shifting to look at him & take in his words before, with a shaky breath, she nodded, brows furrowed as those steal nerves of hers snapped back into place.

With that, Jack gave a slightly cracked thousand watt smile before telling the kids to get a few things as he rand to get his tools.

In the end, they manage to get Danny's heart started & his lungs pumping again, but it was weak & halting.

And, almost in response to his renewed life, the orb's glow became stronger, but was still weak & flickered like a candle close to going out.

The kids began to urge them to have put Danny & the "Core" through the Ghost Catcher, but she was still resistant. So, Sam snapped, telling the Fenton woman to look for herself as she marched up to Danny with the orb & held it close to him.

Maddie & Jack jerked forward to try & stop her, but Jazz yelled at them to look at Danny.

... And they did... & he suddenly... looked so much healthier & the orb was glowing brighter & more steady in it's rhythm. More like, "A heartbeat?" Maddie asked in slight awe at how it seemed to pulse in perfect sync with the beeping of Danny's heart on the monitor.

"They're 2 pieces of the same whole. They can't survive without the other."

So, Jack picked his son up & yelled to get to the Ghost Catcher as he booked it. They all rushed down, Maddie looking to Jazz & asking if she was sure that this would work, who responded with, "what else can we do?"

Anyway, they turn on the Ghost Catcher & Sam places the orb in the fold of Danny's arms. Then, with a hesitant look at his wife who just wanted her baby back, Jack pushed his son through the Merge side where Danny was caught by Maddie.

The orb gone & Danny with a much healthier color to him & his breathing now deeper, though still unconscious & very weak & sickly looking.

...

Sorry, when I see a really good idea, sometimes I just can't stop myself.

But yeah, I definitely think there'd be a degree of "you're the exception because you're half human & not dead" to Maddie's behavior afterwards if not both.

Though, I also think that once he knew that Danny was alright, Jack would go back to his old self & would very excitedly begin to brainstorm inventions to help his son to fight & catch ghost better.

Though, I also think that it'd take a lot of adjusting as I see Jack tending to start talking about experimenting on ghosts only to then add Danny & go, "Oooh... sorry Dann-o..."

i get why so many fics have either good reveal or bad reveal for the fenton parents, but consider: the infinite expanse of "its complicated"

they see danny as an exception (because he isnt really a ghost!)

they believe him but disregard what that means for him, supportive in theory but not in practice (sure he is a half-ghost, but why does he have to [insert ghostly thing here]?)

they dont believe that he is a ghost but do believe that something happened and want to help, however the way they try to help is questionable. (if danny was suffering from delusions [he isnt], they would be playing into them. they [think] they know it isnt real, but believe that indulging him is better than any other option)

they believe him and support him, but that doesnt change that they are bad parents regardless and therefore neglect their children. if asked they have completly changed their view on ghosts, but now they have so much more to study and are around even less as a result. maybe they only interact with their children for research purposes.

or they dont belive or support him, but do their best to be attentive and loving parents. maybe they have convinced themselves of a different explanation (the fanon liminal lore perhaps). while they protect and love danny, they disregard what he says and undermine his experiences.

thats just some situations i could think of right now.

[deathbxnny]

Hi

Can I request a jinx x fem reader with abandonment issues that only grew stronger with jinx disappearing after silco death

(Sorry if that was long it’s my first time requesting :))

Please don't leave me. | Jinx x Fem!Reader

Hey there, dear Anon!! I absolutely love your request, and dw, it isn't long at all! Thank you for your great ask, and I hope you'll like this!!<33

Content: Heavy angst, abandonment issues, unhinged Jinx, grief, hurt/kinda comfort?, established romantic relationships, spoilers for season 2, sfw

Reader is afab and uses she/her pronouns!

((Not proofread))

One day, she was there with you at your side, cuddling you to sleep whilst she promised to be back soon from a mission. And the next, she was gone for good, far away somewhere to escape her adoptive father's murder, including you, it seemed.

In a way, you weren't all too surprised by it, considering how her episodes were. Yes, it drove you mad to be apart from her for more than a couple of hours. But you were used to it and told yourself that she'd be back for you eventually. You two had an unreadable bond. You were always her "pretty girl" since she first met you. Would it be dramatic to say that it was maybe even love at first sight? It never was to her, at least. She always was the one to claim that you were made for eachother.

Yet now you wondered if it was all a simple lie. Or maybe she had forgotten all about you in the heat of the moment, the panic drowning out any emotion she had for you. And you stopped thinking about it about three months into her disappearance, hoping that acceptance would set you free from the exhausting cycle of fear and depression you were in.

How were you even functioning without her anymore? The answer to it was "not at all", but even that was too simple. Jinx had abandoned you. She had done the one thing she swore she'd never do because she out of all people would understand how much that hurt. How much it messed with one's soul and body. Every second without her tormented you, and you couldn't help but wonder why you weren't enough for her to at least take you along to wherever she went. You would've followed her to the end of the world if it meant not ending up alone like this anymore.

You were going crazy and it only solidified when one night you found yourself waking up to the image of her laying on her side in your once shared bed, those magenta eyes glowing in the darkness of your room. You had imagined this moment plenty of times before in many different ways. In some daydreams, you scream at her in anger for abandoning you, and in others, you simply ignore her and turn away, just like she had with you. Neither of those things happened, and instead, you burst into tears and practically jumped onto her.

You asked her for an explanation. You asked her why she abandoned you. You asked her if she still loved you. But all she did was soothe you as you cried and sobbed, her hand carefully rubbing your back up and down with a newfound softness she had never had before. Whatever she experienced in her absence must've changed something in her. You could feel it deep down. The way her soul seemed lighter and calmer. But your anger for just leaving you like this didn't subside, even when you drifted off to sleep.

You woke up to an empty bed, though, and that confirmed that you must've been hallucinating... until you notice a small note on your nightstand detailing her return in a couple of days. She hadn't forgotten you after all. She had come to find you despite her grief and tribulations.

And that made you smile weakly for the first time in months as her love finally seeped in again, even from afar.

[vaguely-concerned]

on the one hand I think inner demons could stand to have a bit more romanced rook specific content, but on the other hand the underlying in-built implication that 'yours is the one true voice of comfort and safety in my inner world' is a sentiment and intimacy so way beyond the romantic or the platonic or any secret third thing you could care to name that it makes me lose my entire poor little mind a bit. it's so big and fundamental — near-existential — that in that exact moment at least the distinctions kind of seem irrelevant.

all the people lucanis' mind conjures up along the way are relationships he has that are unavoidably mixed and fraught in some ways even when they're also full of love (they are fraught BECAUSE they're full of love) — the good in them inseparable from things that hurt him at the same time. (it's about: the basic disorganized attachment patterns this poor guy is dragging around with him. careful with those, they're dellamorte heirlooms. what you love also inevitably hurts you and you won't be allowed to have one without the other, you have to surrender parts of your soul to hold on to what little you have left: this is the story up until now.) and the idea that rook isn't that to him — that beneath the fear of wanting them when romanced (which is more its own separate thing because within this psychology, actively wanting something and not just clinging on for dear life to even a meager status quo lest you lose it is in itself dangerous bordering on catastrophic), this is a relationship where there isn't resentment, or guilt, or shame, or dread, or rage, or self-hate, or any of the other emotions that keep him paralyzed, unable to move this way or that. no debts, nothing owed of yourself and your soul's substance except what you can freely and safely and happily give. love and freedom don't coexist — but, I mean, you're almost starting to make me think........... unless...👀👀👀. the unconditional and undramatic 'you are here and I am here with you, you can be exactly how you are right now with me and it's safe for us both even though you're afraid it won't be, I'm not going anywhere' acceptance rook shows him here that he returns to them in the big romance scene, when it's rook who needs it. the way he's just. standing there in the center of it all, like a child desperately helplessly waiting to be found, hiding in the place he hopes you'll know to look first. (rook does know. it's one of the first things they say in there.)

in short the most important room in his little mind palace for the romance is the very first room — the one where rook isn't. where, in fact, rook cannot be, because they disprove the entire structure of the place with their existence and presence in his life. with everyone else he's putting words in their mouths about what they think of him, and rook is the one who actually gets to come in to speak their own words to him — and have him listen. ('he'll listen to you, he always listens to you', 'your voice is a comfort'.) of course rook isn't present anywhere else in there — at the risk of stating the obvious to a tedious degree, they aren't one of the locks, they're bringing the key. in the very finest 'the messenger and the message' sort of way.

[ostaramoon]

rainy nights + dingy motel beds 𖤐 dean winchester

【 pairing 】 dean x fem!reader

【 summary 】 you’re a hunter and occasionally you’ll help the winchesters on a case. this time, things don’t end the way you would have liked them to. dean, albeit awkwardly, consoles you. but it’s dean so he can’t help but start flirting after you’re done crying.

【 genre 】 fluff - hurt/comfort, a pinch of angst, intimate kissing + touching, mdni

【 wordcount 】 1.8k

the evening’s frigid breeze and heavy rainfall reflects tonight's hunt — cold and disappointing. it was supposed to be an easy case, a few werewolves hell bent on creating a pack in this small town, all you had to do was take out the monsters and move onto the next. but there was a small oversight, unbeknownst to you, the leader had kidnapped a high school girl and ripped her heart out before you, dean, or sam could stop him. 

now, the three of you quietly exited the impala, exhausted and lost in your own thoughts. you head towards your room, next door to the boys, without stopping to say goodnight. as you pull the room keys from your pocket, unlocking your door, you notice his presence behind you. 

turning to dean, you stare up at him blankly, “what?” you ask, not in the mood to converse after such a shit night. 

the man sighs, stepping past you and into your room. with his hands tucked into his coat pockets, he just stands in your room rather awkwardly. it kinda pisses you off, as you usually hunt on your own so you don’t have to deal with conversations after shit goes sideways. wash off the pain, crawl in bed and shove those terrible feelings aside while you search for the next case. it works. but this, the man you don’t mind working with every now and again, standing in your space like he can fix the hurt does not work. 

“dean,” you sigh, shedding your coat and shoes, letting them fall onto the floor without a care for the mess, “i’m really not much of a talker after a hunt like this, you should know that by now.”

he nods, carding a hand through his damp hair, “yeah,” he laughs through his nose, “me either. but i can’t let you put this all on yourself.”

you roll your eyes, walking past him towards the beat up duffle sitting on your bed. pulling out sleep clothes you start changing, not really caring what dean sees. you haven’t gone there with him, but you’ve never been shy about him seeing a little more skin. “not in the mood, winchester.” he watches you change, not with the usual glint of flirty amusement but with a pained indecision as he looks between you and the door. 

“look,” he starts, moving to sit on the bed in front of you, “i’m not good at this, but i can’t have you sitting in here alone, blaming yourself for what happened. we couldn’t have known she would be there.” 

you glare with a scoff, “that’s literally our job to know those things. we research, talk to the town, stalk and hunt to make sure no one else is hurt while we’re around.” you take a deep breath, trying to steady the rage rolling inside. “that little girl is dead,” your voice cracks, “because we missed something.” with that your hands go to your face, rubbing at your temples but also to hide the few tears that break past your usual stoic hunter mask. 

“hey,” dean whispers, a gentle tone you aren’t used to hearing from him. sam, sure but dean? not quite his forte. his calloused hands finding your hips and pulling you between his legs. but you remain still with your hands covering your face as the dam breaks and the tears flow, “will you just let me console you, dammit.”  

maybe it’s because he used his stern voice, the one you’ve grown to trust and listen to without question. or maybe it’s the quiet yearning inside that tells you to give in, either way in one swift movement, you let dean pull you into his lap. you bury your face into his chest. he smells like the earth, leather, and sweat. a smell that is as close to home as you can get in this life, a familiarity you’ve started to miss when you’re on your own. 

dean secures one arm around your back, rubbing your arm while his other hand snakes it way under your hair and to your tear stained cheek. “i’m just so tired, d.” you whisper. 

“i know,” he responds, placing a kiss in the top of your head, “we can’t save them all. but we took out those bastards, think of how many people we did save.” and he’s right, you know he’s right. but priding yourself on being the hero against the darkest part of the world makes a loss feel heavy on your shoulders. 

being vulnerable isn’t something you do often, especially not around dean winchester. you’ve certainly been close in the past, a friendly hug here and there, a drunken make out session once or twice. but crying in his lap is entirely new territory. but it doesn’t feel wrong, and you’re too tired and too weak to think any further into this newfound intimacy. 

“will you stay with me?” you ask, lifting your head to look into those sad green eyes. you’ve never let him or anyone see you with your guard down like this. and honestly, this isn’t how you pictured your first night sharing a bed with dean winchester. 

dean gives you a grin, the sadness evaporating from his eyes, now glowing with mischief as he looks into yours, “are you asking me to sleep over, sweetheart?” you fight a smile with a poorly crafted scowl.

“not like that, perv. besides, i can’t be very enticing with my pj’s and puffy eyes.” you laugh. the hand that was respectfully rubbing your arm falls to your waist as dean playfully pinches the skin peeking from the top of your pants.

“oh, you’re always enticing.” he retorts, “but i’m not really into the using-a-sad-girl-to-get-laid kinda thing. i’ll stay with you for as long as you need and i promise to keep my hands where you can see them.” you can’t ignore the small part of you that feels disappointed by his pledge to be respectful, now isn’t the time you remind yourself.

with a sniff, you give a weak smile “thank you, d.” 

“it’s what i’m here for, right?” his lips pull up into that signature charming smile. he gently places you on the bed beside him, and you’re instantly wanting to be close to his warm body again. unaware he was watching you, dean chuckles as he stands. “don’t start pouting at me, sweetheart. i just have to take off some layers. unless you like sleeping next to a dirty coat and boots?” he teases. 

you roll your eyes, “shut up.” slightly embarrassed he noticed your change in demeanor when he removed you from himself, you slid up the bed and under the uncomfortably thin motel blankets. sinking into the pillow, you can’t help but seriously look forward to having dean’s warmth to cozy up to on such a cold night. with a tired sigh he joins you under the covers, wordlessly grabbing your waist so that your bodies are flush against each other. his jaw nestles itself in the crook of your neck as you entangle your limps with his. that’s when you notice he also discarded the jeans he had on. “i did say sleep over, not sleep with, didn’t i?” you tease, snapping the band of his briefs earning a small grunt in response. 

“you’re crazy if you think i’m sleeping in those jeans.” he says into your ear, his voice raspy as it radiates through your bones. you try not to think of all the places that grow warmer just from being so close to him.

it’s almost instinctual at this point, to tease and pull away each time dean starts to think he’s close to catching you. even if he quite literally has you in his arms at the moment. “i’ve seen you sleep in jeans, even with your dirty ass boots on the bed.” you retort.

“yeah,” he chuckles, his hand traces shapes on your back, little strokes of heat follow each lazy movement his fingers make, “but that’s when i’m not in bed with you.” 

“mhm,” you hum, slipping a hand up the back of shirt. for warmth, you convince yourself, nothing more. “which brings me back to my original question.”

“says the woman with her hand up my shirt,” he teases back, pulling his face back so that he can look down at yours, “if i didn’t know any better i’d think you were trying to cop a feel, miss.” his voice is so deep you can feel it vibrate from his chest into yours. that kind of warmth does wonders for forgetting what you were upset about in the first place, which you take note of for the future. being close to dean, like this, is something you should do more often. 

“mm, no,” you grumble, feigning innocence as you bat your eyes up at him and let your hand move further underneath his shirt, to his chest, “you’re warm.” your eyes flick between his, then down past the freckles and to his plump pink lips, and when you return your gaze to his half lidded eyes his internal torment is obvious. his tracing hand stills before grasping your hip with a warning as he sighs. gotcha, you think to yourself. playing into dean’s flirtatious teasing and winning one over on him is incredibly satisfying.

“sweetheart,” he warns in a low tone, lowering his head until his lips brush against your ear, while he paws at the skin on your waist, “i can’t keep my promise if you look at me like that.” 

with a giggle you cross the unspoken barrier, pulling away just enough to catch his lips against yours. a quiet groan escapes his lips as you deepen the kiss. his hands have lost any regard for decency as calloused skin explores your body. he finds his way to your thigh, hiking it up around him and giving your ass a needy squeeze. your hands go up to his jaw, that budding stubble scraping across the palms of your hands and making the heat growing inside feel hot and unbearable. 

just as you start rocking your hips, in a selfish search for release, he stills you at your waist and pulls away from your lips. he locks eyes with you for a moment. needy, lustful eyes staring back into yours. instead of jumping back into the heat, he places a gentle kiss on your forehead and pulls you underneath his chin. you’re caged under his strong arms, holding you tightly. 

“i was serious about the no-crying-girls thing,” he says, “not much fun if i get you that easily, sweets.” 

you can’t deny that you enjoy dancing on the line, so to speak, with dean. the constant ‘will they, won’t they’ is a charming aspect of your relationship. but you agree, now doesn’t feel like the time to cross the finish line. there’s always the next hunt, and with that your mind drifts into sleep surrounded by the smell of earth and leather. 

──────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────

omfg i haven't written fanfic in like 6 years, i'm rusty so bare with me while i get back into the game lol

[kamechan98]

Nah, it's cool, I understand

And yeah, the Anti-Blitz party may be something of a start with some of the people there. I'm of the opinion that some people are likely there for the party itself and that Blitz can't have emotionally screwed over that many people. Like, Dennis? They met for a few hours at Bee's party months ago, how is he THAT upset about it he needs to go to an Anti-Blitz party? Even for Blitz that's a bit much. But I also agree that it may not be the best option, as a friendship/relationship that is built on hating one person is not likely to last or be very good. If all you have in common is hating one specific person, what else is there to build on? Maybe some people there have built solid relationships while meeting at those parties, there did seem to be a quite a few couples and friends there, so who knows? Maybe there is a form of community and friendship between these people, finding comfort and support from each other after their heartbreak while also learning to move on and find love and joy again.

But I agree it's not what Stolas really needs, to have all of the good things he knows and feel about Blitz being disregared and blame everything on Blitz, twisting it around to make him the bad guy in every aspect of his life when that isn't true. We've seen that Stolas is trying to reflect and see where HE made the wrong step in their relationship, what he can learn from the whole thing and how he can do better in the future, which Verosika keeps trying to shut down.

"But maybe it's all on me For missin' every sign and every glance And every turn" "Maybe there's somethin' here for us to glean For you to teach, and me to try to learn"

"What if I came on too strong? What if I read this all wrong? What if we just don't belong?"

Stolas, while a bit delulu at times, a hopeless romantic and not anywhere near as self-aware as he needs to be, does recognise on some level that the reason their relationship turned out the way it did isn't all Blitz' fault and the fact that he keeps trying to reflect and and go over what happened between them despite his hurt feelings, broken heart is a good thing- both for the sake of their relationship in the future and for his own development. Yeah he's trying to cover it up a bit, turning a bit petty and spiteful towards Blitz for even going to the party (maybe he wouldn't have gone if Blitz hadn't shown up at his place, wanting to be a little petty towards him) but as soon as he's there he recognises how petty, stupid and ridiculous the whole affair is, throwing an entire party every year just to hate on Blitz, and is even able to recognise this while drunk of his ass.

Our Owl Boy is a bit delulu, but not THAT delulu.

But it is as you say, Stolas is a People Please of the highest order and is only now starting to learn to stand up for himself and focus on his own wants and needs rather than bending over backwards to please others around him while suffering in silence. And spending too much time around people who don't encourage that kind of reflection and accountability would be a step backwards for him. It'd be enabling his worst habits and maybe make him regress in his growth, which is the last thing anyone needs.

Whether Stolas and Blitz end the season as friends who need to work on themselves before they get together or as a tentative couple who want to try again, do it right this time while also getting to know each other properly (last bit will probably happen regardless, but you know what I mean) I am under no delusion that they won't end up together at some point in the future. But I want to see Stolas find an identity outside of liking Blitz. As much as I love him, and I do, that's pretty much been his character for a while now. Yeah, he was Octavia but we haven't been allowed to see much of their relationship, which we know is going to have consequences of some kind before the season is over. I recognise that Blitz is the main character and is likely to be the most complex and developed character, but that doesn't mean others can't have more to them than basic interests, quirks and be defined by their role in Blitz' life. We've seen some of it with Moxxie and Millie, would love more of it, as well as seeing some development and growth for Loona, Millie (as her own person not her relationship to Moxxie or Blitz) and I think Stolas would need it too.

Maybe he and Asmodeus will become better friends? Fizz? M&M, Loona might be set up to become better friends with him as well? Maybe Vassago will be one of few Goetia who actually care about him and want him to be okay? I don't know, we'll have to wait and see.

Stolas has always been "Single"...

One thing I've noticed people say that genuinely disturb me is when they think Stolas should learn how to be single...

Guys, Stolas has been "single" his entire fucking life.

On paper, he may have been "married".

But Stolas was married to a partner that treated him like shit, and forced him to live a life constrained from being his gay ass self.

People are treating the relationship he had with Blitz as them being in an actual romantic relationship, but as Blitz stated...

To Blitz, he and Stolas were never in an actual romantic relationship because let's face it, it's true.

Blitz simply operated under the terms that Stolas had set for them in their full moon romps.

Remember guys....

This man is an emotionally-inept dumbass, who automatically assumes the worse. Of course, he's not going to see any of Stolas’s invites as anything other than Stolas just wanting him for his body.

Is it right? No, of course not.

But this is Blitz, and I'm not expecting a man who has been suppressing every single major emotion and traumatic event in his life for 15 years (prior to GF) to pick up any of the hints Stolas was dropping. He's a dumbass.

So yes, Stolas has never been in an actual relationship, and I don't think he needs to learn how to be "single" when he's been single his entire fucking life.

The man doesn't need to learn to be happy alone when he's always been alone!

"You wanna know what I want? I want to know what it's like, to not be alone. I want to be someone's someone. I want to feel wanted. But like, in a romantic way, like I'm standing out in the rain at a train station and someone is shouting: “Harriet! Don’t get on that train, it’s going to London and I cannot be without you!”"

"I just... want someone to care if I stay or go. I want someone to want... me! To want to see me. To hold me. To look at me and think "You're the only one I want!" [sheds tears] "I desire to hold you and talk to you, and never let you feel so...""

So yeah, I really don't think Stolas needs to learn to be happy alone. He knows what it's like to be alone, he's always been alone.

~~~~~~~~~~

And you know what I want?

Maybe I just want, this sad gay 🦉 to give this equally as sad and lonely pan 🦎 another chance...

Because, you know, even though he's an emotionally-inept dumbass and a motherfucker...

He's charismatic and charming...

He's good at fighting...

He's protective...

He knows how to have fun...

He's got the most beautiful smile...

He's hot as fuck...

And I also heard...

He's got a pretty cool family.

[toothlespoggers]

U don’t understand. He’s a Nindroid. He has a soul. He has ice powers. He’s TRAUMATISED. He does not value his own life. He is borderline suicidal. He is SOFT. And he loves people too much. But OUgh he’s actually a little fucked up even tho he’s calm and calculated Caus he toucheda forbidden stick and it made voices in his head and then he was like a genocidal murderer for like 60 years and he had no memory of anything and then he was dragged out of that situation and nobody even asked if he was ok and he never questioned that because he’s lived his whole life with the expectation that he’s fine and he’s got everything under control and he doesn’t even know what mental health awareness is because no one ever talked to him about it because no one ever asked if he was okay, not physically but mentally. Because even if people cared no one ever thought he was not okay, and so Zane never thought he was not okay so he’s lived his life for probably a hundred years or so by now, always moving forward and never addressing his problems or traumas or demons, which is DESTROYING HIM, from the inside out. He has absolutely NO SELF WORTH. His entire existence is based around his role as a ninja, he has been trained from when he was a “teenager” that his worth is based around his ability to preform, that the most important thing is to save lives and the world and stuff. Which it is but like he’s never been allowed to do anything else and on the rare occasions he and his friends relax they immediately get scolded and told to keep fighting. He’s never had a sick day. He literally sacrificed himself to save the world. He rebuilt himself, and immediately the next opportunity he gets, he sacrifices himself again, and he tries to do that over and over and over again because that’s his job he states that he is expendable! He says that multiple times. He always volunteers to take the hits because his view on his humanity his person hood is so WARPED, that he believes he has less value than a human. That he is a TOOL. To be used by those around him because people sure, they’ve treated him with kindness on many levels but it’s kind of shallow when they never care enough to prevent him from getting hurt, they use him, he almost dies, they fix him and then put him back into the line of fire. His entire worldview is based on fighting.

The only person. Who has ever asked if he is okay and treated him like a human being. Is a STUPID GOSH I LOVE HIM BUT JES SO DUMB. FROG MAN and Zane is SO NOT USED TO IT that he has to repeatedly inform. This man. That he is in fact. A robot. Because he expects that to change the way people interact with him. He’s a machine, he doesn’t need a break, he’s built to serve a purpose. But frog man, does not listen.

Frog man is kind, frog man is good.

FROHICKY TRIES TO PLEASE ZANE SO MUCH THAT HE GIVES ZANE A FROHICKY PLUSHIE. SO THAT ZANE CAN VENT HIS FRUSTRATIONS AT THE PLUSHIE. SO THAT HE WILL FEEL BETTER. AND ZANE SAYS “I do not experience heightened emotions.” see see this this proves one of my points urghhhguugh FROFFS BARKS GROWLS HE DOES. WE ALL KNOW HE DOES, ANY NINJAGO FAN WITH EYES CAN SEE THAT ZANE EXPERIENCES HEIGHTENED EMOTIONS. HE JUST KEEPS FUCKING LYING TO HIMSELF AND OTHERS BECAUSE HES GOT THIS ROBOT MINDSET EVER SINCE SEASON 3 HES JUST BEEN ENTIRELY CONSUMED BY THE IDEA THAT HE ISNT HUMAN AND SO HE HAS TO BE DEFINED BY THAT IDEA. He has so many inconsistencies all relating to this weird brain he has this weird weird robot brain it’s SO INTERESTING. I WILL BE GATHERING INFORMATION AND I WILL BE MAKING A FULLY RESEARCHED FULLY COHERENT RANT ABOUT ZANE IN THE FUTURE. BUT RIGHT NOW I HAVE OTHER STUFF TODO BUT URGHH THIS CHARACTER MY BRAIN IS TINGLING SO MUCH URGHH

[weemietime]

https://www.tumblr.com/weemietime/767670429687152640?source=share

I suppose it was easy for me to fall into the Hamasnik trap due to my habit of black and white thinking, which I wish I could blame on my autism, my ocd, or my horrible mental state, but I’m just incredibly stupid lol. But yeah, I was very much a hamasnik myself.

For some reason my mind refused to accept or recognise the nuance of a history that I wasn't even well versed on in the first place. I also think that the constant reductionism presented to me played a part. There’s a lot of reductionism that goes on within the Hamasnik circles, and it goes hand in hand with anti intellectualism. Statements like “this isn’t complex! How can you see these videos of these Palestinian children (videos that I later found out were actually from Syria, but I couldn’t tell, I just ate it up) and think that Israel/Palestine is complex!”

The whole thing of blocking everyone who has a different opinion or ideology (the ideology in question being Zionism, or at least what hamasniks consider to be Zionism) from you and refusing to follow certain news channels because they’ve shown sympathy for those who have a different ideology from you, refusing to read certain books from authors who have expressed empathy for those same people, all of this together effectively creates an echo chamber of the same opinions and views being regurgitated over and over and over again constantly.

Then sprinkle in constant videos of people dying and blood everywhere, videos that you don’t even know where the people are from, whether they be from Gaza, from Syria, Lebanon, or Yemen, but it doesn’t matter because they speak Arabic so it MUST be about the Gazans specifically according to the Hamasnik group you’re apart of, all of these videos you’re being told to constantly watch over and over again because according to the Hamasnik cult you’re in, “if you look away from the violence even ONCE, you’re complicit in genocide! You’re personally responsible for genocide if you look away! The people in Gaza never get a mental health break or comfort so why should you?”

That very same rhetoric is the reason why a lot of you Jewish people can’t find yourself able to escape on fandom spaces and shit like that, the antisemitism you encounter in spaces you thought you were safe in? Yeah it’s because these people are being told that they have to constantly talk about what’s going on in every single space they’re in and that they can’t look away because if they do, they’re considered complicit in the killing of Gazans so they have to let everyone else know the same.

There are a lot of people who are purposefully antisemitic, don’t get me wrong, this isn’t me excusing anyone. I’m just saying that a number of these people genuinely believe that they’re doing something for the greater good by constantly being antisemitic. They don’t consider themselves antisemitic because the echo chamber they’re in has convinced them that Jewish people aren’t experiencing anything, that Jewish people are fine. That it’s the “big bad” that they’re hurting, not the Jews. It’s the “big and scary Zionists!” At least that’s what happened in my case. Constantly told that if I took a break even once, the blood of the Gazans, the blood of every. single. person in Gaza, would be on my own two hands.

You might not believe me, but when you’ve trapped a person in an echo chamber like that, it’s very easy to convince them that an entire country is evil, that every single Israeli is wicked and corrupt and should die and that anyone who expresses an ounce of empathy for them is a “Zionist” and should die as well.

You could’ve told me anything a few months ago. Absolutely anything bad about Israelis and I would’ve believed you. Because I’d scroll social media and see videos of children dying, people being beaten, buildings being destroyed, everything. Then I’d scroll some more and see videos of Israelis doing everyday things, videos of people having fun, videos of people eating, etc, and I found it so unfair that they (according to hamasnik rhetoric) were living in absolute peace while Palestinians are dying right next to them. Then I’d scroll some more and see videos of the IDF (I actually don’t even know if the videos were even of the IDF or not, but as I said, you could’ve told me anything and I’d have believed you. I genuinely believed that it was the IDF) shooting people, beating people, etc. And I was told to look at these videos everyday, every hour, every minute, every second. A lot of the Hamasnik mouthpieces take advantage of the average westerner’s inability to understand Arabic or Hebrew, so there’s a lot of mistranslated videos of Israelis saying they want every Arab dead, a lot of mistranslated Al Jazeera videos of people in Amsterdam for example, saying “يهودي قذر" (dirty Jew) with the wrong captions on and then us non Arabic speaking cult trapped people are none the wiser to what that means because we refuse to engage with any sources that won’t fit our narrative, because we’re complicit in death if we step outside the narrative.

I don’t believe that Zionists should die, but I did. I don’t believe that the hostages should suffer, but I did. I truly believed the worst of things, and perpetuated horrible antisemitism, because I genuinely believed that I was doing good. I found myself justifying unspeakable acts, and saying unspeakable things, things that I would have whole heartedly condemned prior, because I genuinely thought I was doing something right. For example, prior to me falling into that cultish trap, I would’ve wholeheartedly condemned saying a slur coined by David fucking Duke. But after? As I said, I was doing and saying unspeakable things.

I would watch videos from Hamasniks everyday, perpetuate antisemitism everyday, go to sleep and dream about that stuff, and wake up and do it all again, first thing in the morning. A vicious cycle.

And unknowingly somewhere else around the world, some Jewish or Israeli person would wake up, witness antisemitism everyday, witness people wishing the worst upon the hostages, the Jews, the Israelis, the Zionists, everyday, go to sleep terrified for what’s happening to their people, and wake up and see it all again first thing in the morning. Another vicious cycle.

I wish I had a better answer for you, I do. An answer that’s more digestible and less disturbing. I wish I could undo everything that I’ve said and done to the people I’ve hurt whether that be in real life or online. I truly am sorry, and I wish that an apology would fix everything, but it won’t. I wish that all the pain I inflicted on all the Jewish people and Israeli people could be taken away and that I would feel that pain tenfold.

If it’s any consolation or solace, I hate myself more than any of you combined. There is nobody who hates me more than me at this current moment in time and I absolutely do deserve every ounce of pain inflicted upon me, whether it be mental or physical. If you wish death upon me, just know that I do agree with you, but unfortunately previous attempts have failed.

I deleted all of my old posts from that period of time to avoid people getting hurt by them anymore, but I think I’ve done too much damage for me to be a good ally, so I just say nothing now, but I truly do wish the best for all of you and I wish that all of this would stop and that the hostages will be found, hopefully alive.

My apologies for writing a whole Bible in your asks, I truly didn’t mean to.

TLDR - reductionism and anti-intellectualism combined with trapping yourself in an echo chamber of regurgitated rhetoric and constantly regurgitating said rhetoric is a quick way to find yourself dabbling in extremism.

To avoid falling into a trap such as this, avoid generalisations of races, ethnic groups, and the like, look for nuance, try hear people out even when you don’t understand them, instead of blocking them (this is in reference to me blocking every single person who opposed my hamasnik ideology at the time. You should probably block hamasniks, they tend to harass Jewish people a lot), and remember that if someone tells you that a whole war isn’t complex, they’re lying. It absolutely is.

I hope you've been able to see the other responses your other ask has gotten as well! Truly, you aren't someone who I hate. Personally, I do forgive you. Other people may not, and that's their right. But I know first-hand what it's like to be radicalized and to not only commit to extreme rhetoric but also extreme actions. I've learned to have compassion for myself, and I hope that with time you will undergo a similar process.

Someone else said it, "you can't hate yourself into being a better person." All of us, as beings, grow with love and kindness. War is hard it's horrific, and hellish. You're constantly exposed to this violent imagery, this extreme rhetoric, and your whole friend groups are getting in on it. I understand exactly how it happens, and I do have sympathy for it.

To me, the most important part of your story isn't the worst shit you've ever done. It's this part. The part where you learn how to be better, and so you do better, and reach out across the divides and bridge those gaps that have formed. That is a very human story.

[chris-prank]

Read your nsfw headcanons for Atlas a bit ago and I find it interesting that he'd feel a bit left out if the reader used a dildo or fleshlight, reckon you could make a one shot of that? Or maybe expand on that? Would he genuinely be jealous of those objects? Would he throw them out or persuade the reader that he's better?

It's just such a fascinating idea for me not sure why lol

To be fair it is a fascinating idea! I was planning on expanding on this concept in Atlas nsfw one shot… one day… when I finally finish it 😅

CW: NSFW (mention of sex toys and having sex)

･*:.｡..｡.:*･*:.｡..｡.:*･

So it all ties into his complex that he is not on the same level as humans. He sees himself as an object that his only worth is to serve you, so by using a dildo or a fleshlight it's like a slap to his face. You’re telling him that he is useless or not doing a good enough job to make you happy. So yes, he would definitely feel some kind of jealousy over an inanimate object, as childish as it seems for the kind of personality he has. Atlas would also definitely not throw them out because he is aware that adult toys can be pretty pricey! He would try to hide them at the very least if you insist on using them.

For some angst, I love to imagine a reader that doesn’t ask Atlas to sleep with them because they fear the power imbalance that they have over him. They think that even if he wouldn’t want to do it he would say yes because of his program, unaware that Atlas craves to do it with them in his very core.

“Why do you insist on using these things? I can satisfy your every need in ways that it never could, even ones that you don’t know yet.” Atlas’s height could have made him seem threatening paired with the words he was uttering, but there was a deep hurt carved into his face that brought a sense of weakness to him.

[granny-griffin]

1. There are a lot of people who think they're the only one who would speak up. Imagine what would happen if everyone who thought they were the only one... Spoke. But even if you do think you're alone... Why is antiracism not worth standing alone for?

I mean I think it is, and I’ve done it (or tried to). But I do tend to second guess my interpretation of a situation a lot more if I haven’t seen anybody else say something—maybe people sometimes aren’t sure if what they’re looking at is racist or not, and then decide not to do anything with that uncertainty because it would require thought.

2. There is a difference between feeding the trolls and speaking up when something wrong is happening. Do you feel people are more comfortable assuming the former so that they don't have to interact via the latter?

I think people are taught that the latter only exists in real life, and that if you try to do it in fandom you’re just yucking someone’s yum. People who do the second one generally receive the same kind of pushback as people who do the first one (even though they don’t deserve it).

3. Why do we think that bigotry will go away if it goes unaddressed? Is that how you also feel about bigotry that you experience via your other identities?

Because trolls go away when you don’t pay attention to them. But like you already said in question #2, those situations aren’t the same. People are drawing a false equivalence between the two. And as far as bigotry I experience in fandom—I think I just assume that it will be there and not go away no matter what, and I’m pleasantly surprised when that’s not the case. But that’s not really the point of this.

4. Why should we entertain and prioritize the annoyance of bigots? Why do you not deserve to be here and have a safe, comfortable space any more than they do?

I want to annoy bigots XD I love the excuse. Honestly not sure why more people don’t feel this way on tumblr, the website that’s all about being as annoying as you please.

At the same time, I want the annoyance to come because I’m giving them a message they don’t want to hear, not because I’m also being a jerk about it. Maybe it’s weird, but I care about bigots because they���re people, and their bigotry hurts them too, and I want them to listen to me long enough that they hear what I have to say and change what they’re doing. But even that isn’t a reason to try to keep from offending them—coddling somebody in their bigotry isn’t kind either.

I do think that people often don’t want to offend bigots who are good at creating fanworks, because they look up to them as a creative and/or don’t want to drive their skill away from the fandom. Yeah—the better you are at fanworks, the more you can get away with.

The second question is hitting me really strangely—yes, I think everybody deserves to have a comfortable space, and I want to defend that for others. I don’t know if I care to defend it for myself.

5. What do we plan on doing when Black fans lose their patience due to disillusionment? Are we okay with the outcome of that, of choosing... Well, being racist but safe? (Be honest with yourself!) Would we rather Black fans just accept that it's easier to assume everyone is antiblack, the same way it's easier not to speak up against it as a social norm? If we want to show that there is still a welcome for Black fans, that we are safe, why don't we act to show that?

I mean I plan to listen to them, even if I don’t like the way they’re presenting their frustrations—if somebody’s mad at me for something that I really did (or sat by and failed to stop) then it’s so not my job to critique their attitude.

I don’t think I’m okay with the outcome—that’s why I’ve spoke out in the past—but the parenthetical is psyching me out. Maybe I do ignore things out of fear! I’ll have to keep introspecting.

I don’t want Black fans to assume everyone is against them, and I don’t think other people want that either—but I think fixing the situation requires people to be proactive. I think a lot of people think that just not being antiblack is enough, and then don’t think about it any harder. And so nothing happens, because instead of looking to do something right, people are only trying not to do something wrong.

6. If everyone only hangs around people who aren't antiblack, why is the space still so overwhelmingly antiblack? Have you considered that you cannot adequately judge from within?

YES 100%!! I don’t think we can accurately judge from within! This is one of my biggest struggles—it goes back to my answer to #1. I want to speak out against racism, but even though I’m trying to educate myself so that I can spot it, sometimes I’m really not sure. And calling somebody racist feels like a really big accusation—if it lands publicly in the right way it could get somebody blocked by all their friends. I wouldn’t want to do it to mistakenly. So I’ve been trying to watch and see when Black people call out racism so that I can amplify/support what they’re already saying.

But maybe we need also to have a less all or nothing approach? If we aren’t sure if someone is being racist, we could start a more private conversation to tell them about our concerns, and see if their response sheds any light on the situation. Sometimes I ask people leading questions about their thought process when making something instead of just telling them to quit being racist.

Inevitably, no matter what I do, I worry that I’m not using the right level of forcefulness. But I guess sitting here and angsting about the appropriateness of my approach is still better than doing nothing.

7. No one really answered my "what is the boundary" question at all. What I should have asked is, are you willing to recognize that you have a willing tolerance for antiblackness? That there is a certain amount that you are okay with allowing before thinking it's worth speaking up?

Yes, and I think it’s tied to my struggle to judge situations. There’s a certain threshold of racism under which I can’t identify it with enough accuracy to feel comfortable making a callout. But again—maybe “public callout” and “do nothing” are not the only two possible responses.

Okay so after sitting on the responses from yesterday's question, I have some follow up questions to what seemed to be some consistent... Themes in the answers.

Like yesterday, I am asking with intent to listen (and maybe ask more questions) so I will not be arguing- at best, you'll get a "hm" to acknowledge i saw what you said.

My follow up questions:

1. There are a lot of people who think they're the only one who would speak up. Imagine what would happen if everyone who thought they were the only one... Spoke. But even if you do think you're alone... Why is antiracism not worth standing alone for?

2. There is a difference between feeding the trolls and speaking up when something wrong is happening. Do you feel people are more comfortable assuming the former so that they don't have to interact via the latter?

3. Why do we think that bigotry will go away if it goes unaddressed? Is that how you also feel about bigotry that you experience via your other identities?

4. Why should we entertain and prioritize the annoyance of bigots? Why do you not deserve to be here and have a safe, comfortable space any more than they do?

5. What do we plan on doing when Black fans lose their patience due to disillusionment? Are we okay with the outcome of that, of choosing... Well, being racist but safe? (Be honest with yourself!) Would we rather Black fans just accept that it's easier to assume everyone is antiblack, the same way it's easier not to speak up against it as a social norm? If we want to show that there is still a welcome for Black fans, that we are safe, why don't we act to show that?

6. If everyone only hangs around people who aren't antiblack, why is the space still so overwhelmingly antiblack? Have you considered that you cannot adequately judge from within?

7. No one really answered my "what is the boundary" question at all. What I should have asked is, are you willing to recognize that you have a willing tolerance for antiblackness? That there is a certain amount that you are okay with allowing before thinking it's worth speaking up?

*I also want to note that I'm not directing this to Black fans. I know that the context changes when you have to fight. I'm asking the people who have the privilege of fighting antiblackness while not having the identity. I.e. some marginal power in the area.

[escapisttt]

a lot of this was supposed to be posted for redacted kinktober but. college got in the way. i’m ovulating let me have this. it’s very long OOPS WHO LET ME OUT OF MY CAGE.

NSFW LMAO

lasko has a puppy kink. he likes being told he’s a good boy and craves to be of service to dear. would do anything to please them and do it well; it’s what turns him on the most. leash and collar. god, he’d lick the fucking dirt from their shoes if it made them smile down at him. yeah perhaps him and ash could bond over this. the difference between them though is that during those moments, lasko will never goof off or make jokes meanwhile ash is a bit of a brat. lasko would never disobey dear, but ash likes to push baabe’s buttons so that they “force” him into submission.

milo uses “good girl/good boy/good pet” hnnnngghh. as well as “pretty girl/pretty boy/pretty thing” oh my god. he’s so good at praise.

milo is usually pretty physically rough with it, going fast and deep, but you wouldn’t know that if you were just listening to his voice. sometimes while he’s absolutely fucking sweetheart’s brains out, he’s right in their ear speaking so softly and encouragingly with soooo much praise. “that’s right baby, ‘m i doin’ it right?” when he KNOWS he’s doing it right, he just wants to hear their confirmation. “yeah, lemme touch you, you like that? tell me you like that.” he looooves making sweetheart tell him how they’re feeling, and when they inevitably confirm that it feels good, he nods and doubles down. he craves good feedback, it’s his praise kink. “awwww i know it feels good baby, ‘m gonna make it feel even better.” it’s not condescending, it’s confidence. he knows what he’s good at, and he wants to get better. he’s a huge pleaser.

this is self indulgent if you aren’t into daddy kinks don’t read this one lmao. but daddy milo is soooo real to me. “was that too much? aw ‘m sorry baby, daddy’ll make it feel better. shh shh it’s okay, daddy’s sorry…” OUUUGGHHHH. “daddy wants what you want baby, tell‘im what you want. c’mon, be good and use your words, daddy wants to hear you,” i can’t do this anymore RELEASEEE MEEEEEEE. milo does it tastefully okay he’s not one of the weird ones TRUST ME.

milo who subs occasionally. to put a number on it, about 10% of the time. it may not be his natural default, but when the time is right, it’s so right. it happens one of two ways: either milo had a really rough, tiring day and needs to be coaxed into being cared for, or his sweetheart had been relentlessly teasing him. he’s such a brat at first, rejecting every dominant advance from sweetheart with a performative cocky demeanor, but it breaks down quickly enough when they touch him in the right places.

porter is such a masochist, but not in a traditionally submissive way. god, he loves when treasure slaps his face, yanks his hair, and scratches his back deeply on purpose. he likes being choked a little sometimes as well. but when all of these things are enacted on him, he smiles. he’s got a cocky grin and he’s nodding emphatically, his hips pistoning, almost twitching, even if he’s not inside of treasure. he’s groaning and his eyes are rolling back, but he’s not submitting. he’s daring them to do more, knowing that the only one whose limits being tested are theirs: how much are they able to take of porter when he’s losing himself to the pain? the more intense the pain, the harder he fucks treasure. basically porter is saying without saying, “the more you hurt me, the more i’ll pleasure you.” treasure essentially controls their own pleasure through him; if they want him to go faster, they dig their nails into his back or his scalp or his hips. and as soon as they let go, he lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and eases back down to a slower pace. and porter knows what they’re doing. he likes it. he likes that they have that level of control over him, but he’s absolutely not a whimpering mess like lasko.

david does not like using toys or bondage material. that’s his job. he’s very animalistic in the sense that he does not want anything, even objects, interfering with his time with his mate. he’s the type to get jealous of a vibrator or any sex toy. not because he’s worried about it doing a better job than him, but because it was the thing pleasuring his mate and not him. if his angel is in the mood, he wants to know so he can take care of it. an unspoken rule in the shaw house is that neither of them are allowed to touch themselves. david sticks to this rule through and through, but if angel is caught in the action, the punishment is pretty intense, meaning overstimulation. david is usually quite rough and is already a lot to take even when he’s going slow, so him when he’s angry can be… a lot. he’s got angel on their tummy in the prone bone position and is absolutely laying into them, growling in their ear with genuine irritation. “you should’ve told me… why didn’t you tell me? is this not cutting it for you? you had enough of this cock? i thought you liked it. thought you liked being full of me, not a piece of fucking plastic.” yeah he’s angy. and he’s not being mean to them, he just wants to prove to them and remind them how good he makes them feel. they shouldn’t want anything else. and when angel does it because they think david is too busy for them? yeah he would stay up during all hours of the night to prove them wrong. “how do you think like that, hm? you think i’d put work above this? god angel, i do everything to come home to you, give my time to you. you don’t get that? let me keep showin’ you….”

azmidi who literally nuts on a lot of phone call role plays with sweetie (it’s canon yall hear the way his breath shakes all the time). just hearing their pretty voice, god he feels his pants getting tighter (if he wears those lol). he demands they tell him about their day even though they know he knows exactly how their day went. it feeds into that delicious fear of stalking, the idea that their every movement is being tracked and scrutinized and constantly mulled over. he wants to listen to them talk while he palms himself, nodding along with their version of events, happy that they’re being obedient and not lying to him. he doesn’t have to take himself out of his pants, though he likes to most times. he can come without that, just dry humping into his hand and pressing the phone to his ear, letting out the occasional moan. he knows sweetie can hear him, and if they show signs of getting flustered, it only makes him harder. “you know what you’re doing to me, right? you—you know… oh god…. hey, don’t stop. don’t stop talking. you’ve been doing such a good job, sweetie. let me hear you.”

william “eye contact” solaire. hngggnhnnhg. let’s imagine he’s got a long term partner, right? he is suuuuuuch a gentle lover. he’s not about rough sex very much, he’s too sophisticated lol. no, the actual reason he isn’t too keen on rough sex is because to him, his lover is a deity; an angel that walks the earth, the image of divine perfection. he isn’t going to treat them like a ragdoll, he worships the air they breathe for gods sake. he doesn’t see himself nearly worthy enough to be their companion, their equal. he gives them everything and then apologizes because it just isn’t enough. when he gave them their crown? “i hope you like it. the jewels are the finest i could find of course, for you. i—i perhaps could have gotten larger ones… i apologize. oh, but the weight may be a bit much for your neck… oh dear.” yeah this man is rich but he fucking won’t be if his partner doesn’t stop him from spoiling them. but i’m ranting, this is supposed to be about sex lmfao please ask me to make a post ab william i will do it so fast. this aspect of himself shows especially when he and his partner are intimate. he’s on his knees a lot of the time, staring up at his lover with worshipful reverence. he pleads in his soft spoken voice, his eyes fluttering shut as they put their hand on his cheek. “my love, what would you have me do for you? ask me anything.” and he means anything.

[ducktoo]

First love…till not?

Aespa’s Giselle x M!Reader

Note: uhhh this is gonna be some angst stuff

You knew it was coming.

It was inevitable, really. The moment you felt the coldness settle between you like a frigid barrier, a silent warning that all was not well.

This wasn’t what you imagined when you thought of love as a kid, all those times you ran across the playground with her, climbing trees and scrabbling through dirt together, shoulders bumping and laughter rising. Those were the days when the world felt simple, like it was just you and her against everything else. But somewhere along the way, things changed.

She changed.

Each day felt like a new level of hell with her, a twisted game of push and pull that you never signed up for. The little comments that once felt like playful teasing morphed into daggers aimed right at your heart.

“Are you really going to wear that?” she'd scoff, eyeing your outfit with disdain. “You know I can’t be seen with someone who dresses like they’ve just rolled out of bed.”

You tried to laugh it off, but the sting lingered.

And then there were the late-night texts, the ones that should have been sweet but instead came wrapped in barbs.

“You’re still at home? Wow, I figured you’d have outgrown that loser phase by now.” She’d dismiss your attempts at conversation with an eye-roll emoji, as if your thoughts were nothing more than noise.

But it didn’t stop there. Every time you shared an accomplishment, her reaction felt like a punch to the gut.

“Nice job, I guess. But did you really think you’d be the best? Get real.” The first time it happened, you’d been so proud of yourself. Now? It just made you feel small, insignificant.

And it wasn’t just the words. Her actions stung too.

When you invited her to your family’s gatherings, she’d show up late, tossing off excuses with a smirk, leaving you to face your relatives alone while they questioned your choices.

“You’re not going to let them set you up with anyone, right? I mean, look at you,” she’d say, and you’d feel your cheeks burn with embarrassment.

When you confronted her about it, you’d been hopeful, thinking maybe she just didn’t realize how her words affected you.

“Aeri, it hurts when you talk to me like that,” you’d say, voice trembling slightly. But instead of a comforting response, she’d laugh, brushing you off.

“It’s just how I am. If you can’t take a little heat, then maybe you shouldn’t be so sensitive.”

Every insult chipped away at your self-esteem, leaving you feeling raw and exposed. You found yourself hesitating to share anything with her, fearing her reaction would cut you deeper. Wasn’t love supposed to lift you up? Instead, she made you feel like you were constantly on the edge of a cliff, teetering between despair and defeat.

The breaking point arrived like a thief in the night. You were sitting on the couch, scrolling through your phone, when Giselle plopped down next to you, scrolling through her own feed. “Why do you spend so much time staring at that? It’s embarrassing to watch,” she said, her tone dismissive, like she was talking to a child.

“Just catching up on things,” you replied, trying to keep your voice steady, but she rolled her eyes, the frustration bubbling up inside you.

“Just admit it—you’re wasting your life on this junk. You should be out doing something worthwhile instead of living in your phone.”

And that was it. That was the moment everything fell into place—the endless string of insults, the constant belittling, the nagging voice in your head that told you you were never good enough. You were exhausted, drained from the battle of trying to please her while she tore you down.

“Why do you talk to me like this?” you finally asked, voice soft but strained. “You… you didn’t used to. We didn’t used to be like this.”

For a moment, a flash of something crossed her face—surprise, maybe. But it was gone before you could even grasp it. She scoffed, crossing her arms. "Maybe you’ve just stopped living up to expectations. People change, you know. Or did you think you'd be the same forever?"

And there it was, her words hanging in the air like poison. You could feel your grip slipping, whatever shred of patience you’d been holding onto breaking apart. It felt like all those memories—the good ones—were slipping out of reach, fading like distant dreams.

With a deep breath, you gently pried her hand off your wrist, letting it drop. "I loved you, Aeri. So much. But… this isn’t love anymore. It can’t be."

For a moment, the silence was unbearable. She just looked at you, her gaze flickering between a hundred emotions that she was probably fighting to hold back.

But you couldn’t stay. Not this time. Without another word, you turned, letting the pain settle in your chest as you walked away. You didn’t look back—couldn’t look back—because if you did, you weren’t sure you’d be able to keep going.

And as you stepped out into the open air, the weight of it all came crashing down, the memories, the love, the heartbreak.

It was over.

-

The days after the breakup passed in a blur. It was like walking through a fog where time lost meaning, and every step felt heavier than the last. You’d try to distract yourself, burying your head in anything that didn’t remind you of her—work, friends, even old hobbies you’d forgotten about.

But she was everywhere, haunting your thoughts like a ghost you couldn’t shake.

Every morning felt like waking up with a hollow ache, like something vital had been ripped away and left behind a void. You’d lie there, staring at the ceiling, and the thought of her would drift in, unbidden. You’d remember the warmth of her laugh, the way her eyes used to light up, the small things you’d loved about her before everything went cold. But then, as always, the memories of her words would resurface—the cutting remarks, the icy looks, the way she seemed to take joy in tearing you down. It was a twisted mix of love and hurt, a scar too deep to simply fade.

Yet, every time you felt the familiar ache start to ease, you’d see something that reminded you she’d moved on faster than you could even breathe. A passing rumour, a social media post, or friends mentioning her out at parties, laughing and smiling like she hadn’t lost a thing. It felt like a punch to the gut every time, like she’d left you struggling while she skipped off, unbothered.

One night, as you were out with friends, someone casually mentioned seeing her with someone else, some guy you vaguely remembered from school. “They looked close,” your friend said offhandedly, not knowing the silent chaos those words set off inside you. You forced a smile, tried to shrug it off, but inside, it felt like reopening an old wound. She had already moved on, it seemed. To her, whatever you’d had was just another chapter easily closed.

But for you, it wasn’t that simple.

You’d thought you’d hate her for it, for how quick she seemed to erase you from her life. But all you felt was numbness—a hollow ache that refused to fade. You wanted to forget her, to move on as easily as she had, but that scar ran too deep. It was the kind of hurt that sat heavy in your chest, that kept you awake at night, wondering if you’d meant anything to her at all.

-

For Giselle, it was different.

She had always been good at compartmentalizing, at locking away her emotions somewhere they couldn’t hurt her. To her, breaking up felt like ripping off a bandage—quick, clean, and necessary. She had convinced herself that it was better this way, that maybe her words hadn’t been that harsh, that maybe you just weren’t strong enough to handle her. It was easier that way, to justify it as your fault.

The first few weeks were easy enough. She threw herself into her life, meeting new people, going out more, laughing louder, living harder. To anyone watching, she seemed fine—more than fine, even. But every so often, in the quiet moments, she’d feel the echo of your absence, a strange emptiness that crept in like a shadow she couldn’t shake.

She would scroll through her phone, accidentally stumbling upon old photos of you and her, looking so carefree, so close. Her thumb would hover over the screen for a second, maybe two, before she would snap out of it, closing it out and shoving the memories back down. Those images, those memories—they belonged to a time that was over, she reminded herself.

You were just someone she’d grown out of, that was all.

But as the months went on, that hollow feeling gnawed at her more than she wanted to admit. She’d be at a party, surrounded by people, laughing and smiling, but somehow, she’d feel like something was missing. She’d catch herself looking for you in the crowd, expecting to see your familiar face, only to be met with strangers. She’d brush it off, remind herself that she’d made the right choice, that she’d only been honest with you, even if the truth hurt.

But every so often, in the quiet of her room, she’d find herself staring at her reflection, wondering if she’d been too harsh, if she’d let go of something too quickly. She hated admitting it, even to herself, but there was a part of her that felt like she’d lost more than she wanted to.

-

As for you, time passed, but the scar remained. You’d tried moving on, had even gone out on a few dates here and there. But no one quite fit, no one felt like home the way she had. You were left with memories that haunted you, moments that hurt to remember but felt impossible to forget. You knew, deep down, that she wasn’t the same girl you’d grown up with, that the person you’d loved was long gone.

And yet, the weight of it sat heavy, like an invisible chain holding you back.

You stopped going to the places you used to frequent together, stopped listening to the songs you both loved. You thought distance would help, that if you could just put enough space between you and her memory, you’d finally be free. But the scar she left was too deep. The memories didn’t fade; they stayed with you, a constant reminder of a love that had turned bitter.

The worst part was, you realized, that you still loved her in some twisted way. The memories of her, of the good times before everything fell apart, were a part of you that you couldn’t let go. She was a scar you couldn’t heal, a ghost you couldn’t escape.

And maybe, just maybe, a part of you was afraid that you’d never be able to let her go entirely.

-

Giselle wasn’t sure what went wrong.

One moment, she was heading home after yet another bad date, heels clicking against the pavement as she clutched her phone, scrolling through a string of half-hearted messages from the guy who’d seemed like a good match on paper but ended up as anything but. He’d been polite, decent-looking, even funny at times. But the entire night had felt… hollow. Forced. Empty in a way she couldn’t quite put into words.

She barely noticed her own steps changing direction, her feet carrying her somewhere familiar, somewhere she hadn’t been in ages. And before she knew it, she was standing at the edge of the old playground where you and she had spent countless afternoons together, racing down slides and swinging as high as you could go, daring each other to jump off at the last second.

The place hadn’t changed. The swings still creaked in that comforting, rusty way, and the worn-out slide was the same as ever. A wave of nostalgia hit her, stirring something deep inside. She almost smiled, but the ache in her chest was too sharp.

What had she even been thinking, she wondered, letting you go like that? She’d told herself it was your fault, that you’d been too sensitive, too weak. She’d built up a wall, convinced herself she’d done the right thing. But standing here, she felt the cracks in that wall spreading, threatening to bring everything down with it.

Her hand brushed over the chipped paint of the slide, a strange sadness bubbling up. She could almost see you there, hear your laughter, the way you’d tease her for being afraid to jump off the swing while you soared through the air without a second thought. Those moments had felt so simple, so… real.

She realized, with a sinking feeling, that maybe she’d lost the one person who had ever truly understood her.

She glanced around the empty playground, a hollow sense of regret settling in. She had dated since then, had gone out with people who showered her with compliments and treated her well enough. But none of them had ever made her feel the way you did. None of them had seen her the way you had. She tried to shake the thought away, but it clung to her, a stubborn ghost that refused to let go.

-

Meanwhile, you were… okay. Better than okay, actually.

It hadn’t been easy, getting over her. For months, the weight of her memory had felt like an anchor, dragging you down, keeping you tethered to a past that hurt to remember. But somewhere along the way, you’d managed to shake it off, bit by bit. You’d thrown yourself into new things, surrounded yourself with friends who brought out the best in you. Life was lighter now, free of the constant ache that used to sit heavy in your chest.

You’d learned to enjoy your own company again, to go out without the shadow of her looming over you. You went to new places, met new people, tried things you’d never thought to try before. There were days you didn’t think of her at all, days when you felt like yourself again, like a weight had lifted and you were free to be whoever you wanted to be.

One night, while out with friends, you found yourself laughing so hard your stomach hurt, genuinely, for the first time in a long time.

It was strange, realizing you didn’t miss her anymore.

The ache had faded, replaced by a sense of peace, a quiet acceptance of what was and what could never be again. You were okay with it. You were happy, even.

You hadn’t looked back at the old playground in months, hadn’t let yourself go back to the places that reminded you of her. You’d finally put that chapter behind you.

And it felt…liberating.

-

Back at the playground, Giselle sat down on one of the swings, her hands loosely gripping the chains as she rocked back and forth, letting the memories wash over her. She could almost hear your voice, the way you’d laugh as you tried to push her higher, always challenging her to go beyond what she thought she could. Back then, she’d loved that about you. Now, she felt the loss of it, sharp and unrelenting.

She was supposed to have moved on. That’s what she’d told herself, what she’d wanted to believe.

But in the quiet of the night, alone in a place filled with ghosts of what used to be, she felt the sting of regret settle in her chest like a wound that wouldn’t heal. It was different from her other breakups, the kind that left her with nothing more than a faint memory, forgotten after a few weeks. This one hurt in a way she hadn’t expected, a scar too deep to ignore.

Maybe the both of you were childhood friends? Maybe the both of you were each other's first love? Maybe this was you two's first break up?

It hit her, suddenly, how much she missed you. How much she missed *everything*—the quiet talks, the shared laughs, the way you’d been there for her, even when she pushed you away. She’d tried to bury it, to pretend it hadn’t mattered, but now, sitting alone in the darkness, she couldn’t escape it.

And maybe, she realized with a bitter smile, this was the cost of letting someone who truly cared about you slip away. The echoes of what could have been lingered, haunting her with every swing of the chains, every quiet creak.

She wondered if you’d forgiven her, if you’d moved on the way she was supposed to. The thought hurt more than she wanted to admit, but she knew she’d never get an answer. You were out there somewhere, living a life she wasn’t part of anymore. And she had no one to blame but herself.

The playground was empty and silent as she rose from the swing, feeling the weight of her own choices settle in, unshakeable.

-

The tunes whistled from your mouth were light and airy.

You decided to take a break from your routine one evening, heading out to grab some groceries. The sun was setting, casting a warm glow over the streets as you walked down familiar paths, feeling at ease in the skin you were slowly rediscovering. Life felt good, lighter without the weight of your past relationship clinging to you. The grocery store was just around the corner, and as you pushed through the automatic doors, the familiar sounds of carts and chatter surrounded you.

You grabbed a basket and began making your way through the aisles, casually tossing in essentials—bread, eggs, some snacks for your late-night snacks. The mundane act of grocery shopping was comforting, a small, simple pleasure. But as you rounded the corner into the liquor section, you froze.

Giselle.

Arms full of booze, like she was gearing up for a rough night. She wore the same careless look she’d always worn, lips slightly pursed, eyes focused on the labels with a calculated indifference. And then, without thinking, you let out a small, involuntary laugh.

It was almost comical, really.

After everything, after the breakup and the haunting memories, here she was, acting like nothing had changed. Like she could just keep moving on in that easy, self-assured way of hers. But something about the way she clutched that last bottle, fingers trembling just slightly, caught you off guard.

“Hey,” you found yourself saying, before you could think better of it.

She looked up, eyes widening slightly, then narrowed into something unreadable. “What are you doing here?” Her tone was sharp, almost mocking. Same old Giselle. She gave a short, cold laugh, tossing her hair back as if to brush you off like you were nothing more than a fleeting inconvenience.

“Just… groceries.” You shrugged, feeling the awkwardness settle between you. But something kept you there, rooted to the spot. Despite everything, you couldn’t walk away.

She watched you for a moment, her mouth twisting into something almost like a smirk, but there was a crack in her facade that you could see now—a vulnerability that hadn’t been there before. She tried to hide it, tried to carry herself with that same arrogant pride, but it was different. Her eyes looked hollow, a little desperate.

Without another word, you took some of the bottles from her, your hands brushing for a second. She didn’t resist, didn’t argue. She just looked away, almost embarrassed, and it was the most real she’d been in a long time.

“Let me at least walk you back,” you said, more of a statement than a question. "You don't want to just sleep on the street now, right?"

“Suit yourself,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. “Not like I need your help, though.” Her voice was cold, dismissive, but the flicker of pain in her eyes betrayed her. She’d always been too proud to show any weakness, to admit when she was struggling.

The walk was quiet, filled with that uncomfortable silence that you both knew too well. She stumbled once, catching herself on your arm. You didn’t say anything, just steadied her, feeling the weight of everything left unspoken between you. Her grip tightened, and you could feel her fingers digging into your arm, like she was holding on to something more than just her balance.

After a while, you realized where you were headed—a nondescript hotel on the edge of town, the kind that began to run down after a few years, the kind with rooms that can be comparable to a prison cell. She let go of your arm, a bit too quickly, her face flushing as she fumbled with her keys.

“Staying here?” You couldn’t keep the surprise out of your voice.

“Just for now,” she replied, jaw clenched, defiance in her eyes. “Not that it’s any of your business.”

“Why not just… I don’t know, go home? Or crash at a friend’s place?” You tried to keep the curiosity out of your tone, but the question hung heavy in the air.

She scoffed, but it sounded hollow, forced. “Why would I? I can take care of myself. Don’t need anyone.” But her voice wavered, just slightly, and for a second, she looked like she might break. She didn’t want to admit it, but you could see it in her eyes—she was struggling.

You sighed, a mix of frustration and pity welling up inside you. “Aeri… what are you doing?” You shook your head, feeling the weight of everything come rushing back, all the hurt, the pain she’d put you through. “This is just… horrible. Why are you even putting yourself through this?”

Her eyes flashed, that old arrogance flaring up. “What, you think I need you to tell me what to do?” She crossed her arms, glaring at you, but you could see the hint of desperation beneath the bravado.

“Actually, yeah,” you shot back, feeling your anger rise. “Because this? This isn’t strength, Aeri. This is you hiding, pretending like you don’t need anyone. Like you didn’t just ruin everything because you couldn’t handle being honest.”

She laughed, but it was a hollow, bitter sound. “Oh, and you’re the expert now?” Her voice was mocking, but her eyes betrayed her. “You don’t get it. I did it for us. I thought… I thought if I made you think I was all you had, that you’d never leave.”

You felt your chest tighten, anger flaring up like a wildfire. “All you had to do was be real with me! All you had to do was let me see the real you, not this… mask you wore every day. You broke me down, Aeri. And for what? Some twisted idea that I’d stay because I had no choice?”

She looked away, her hands clenched at her sides, her mouth a thin, stubborn line. “I didn’t think… I didn’t think you’d actually go.” Her voice was barely a whisper, filled with a raw vulnerability you’d never seen before.

“Well, I did. Because you left me with no choice.” You felt the weight of those words, felt the pain they carried. “And now… it’s too late. I can’t go back to who I was with you. You broke that part of me, Aeri.”

She opened her mouth, as if to say something, but no words came. Instead, she just stood there, staring at you, her pride shattered, her arrogance stripped away. And for the first time, you saw her—really saw her—raw, broken, and alone.

You stepped back, letting out a shaky breath. “Goodbye, Aeri. Our love was great…until it wasn't. ”

As you turned to leave, you heard it—a faint, choked sound, like the start of a sob. You didn’t turn around, didn’t let yourself look back. But in that moment, you knew. She was crying, silently, the first real tears for everything you’d both lost.

And you walked away, leaving her with the fragments of a love that could never be whole again.

[deathbxnny]

Could I perhaps request headcanons for sevika of what it'd be like being friends with her? As difficult as she is I think I'd be awesome to have her watch your back I mean we've all seen how loyal she is

Being besties with Sevika!

I absolutely love this ask, because she'd definitely be SUCH a good friend!!<3

Content: Platonic relationships, some angst?, sfw

Reader has no set pronouns!

((Not proofread))

Sevika is a ride or die through and through. No matter how difficult things get with you or how chaotic things are, you can count on her to be right there for you every time. Trust and loyalty is hard to come by down in Zaun after all, and so her dedication to you is rare and appreciated by you gratefully. If you keep her back clear, then she'll keep yours clear, too.

Her stubbornness was, however, a difficulty that took you a while to learn how to deal with. If she thinks that she's right about something, then she absolutely is. No, if's or buts about it. Not a thing, you could say can change her mind unless it's profound enough to get through the thick wall in her head. This can lead to some strong disagreements between you two, maybe even a couple arguments. But those are resolved as quick as they come, mainly since she doesn't dwell on alot.

Sevika can be hot-headed and frustrating when it comes to your safety. You are the one good thing she still had left in this hell hole, and she'd be damned if something hurt you. She, therefore, can be very overprotective when it comes to your safety and doesn't let many people come close to you unless she trusts them too. Which are very few people as is.

With that said, though, you practically have scary dog privileges with the way she always looms behind you. No one will ever think of hurting or insulting you in her vicinity, that's for sure.

Whenever you're not feeling well, she'll try and help you out as much as she can. She may not be very good at all at comforting people, but she'll probably get (steal) you things that could make you feel better, whether it be medicine or a small gift. She never accepts anything in return, however, as she's content with caring for you only.

This doesn't mean that she doesn't appreciate the care and loyalty you give her every day deep down, though. She's aware of how painfully difficult she can be at times. And most people therefore avoid her, except for you. This means the world to her, even if she'd never admit it put loud to you.

[thepointofme]

mind full of thoughts of erik accidentally being sent back to the past and staying with the x men until they find a way to send him back to the future and present erik being jealous charles with his future version.

ok so in my head here the timeline is different from xmfc, it takes longer for erik to find shaw so he stays with charles for at least three years and they open the school together. there's no beach divorce or charles getting paralyzed but the divorce eventually happens bc erik never gave up on his revenge plan, ends up killing shaw at some point, this causes a massive fight between him and charles and he decides to go on his own bc they're both too stubborn to meet each other in the middle. a year and a half passes after their dramatic divorce and this is precisely when future!erik arrives. in his mid/late 40s from twenty years now on, this erik is not that different from present!erik, they still look the same, save from how future!erik has shorter hair, a stubble, and a few more wrinkles.

the major difference lies in his posture. future!erik carries himself with more genuine confidence than his present version, since he's obviously older and has way more experience, he's way more confident in his powers and doesn't rely (that much) on anger anymore to use them. hes just.. a bit more calm. doesn't look like a bomb ready to explode. and this is what makes charles orbit around him like a moth to the flame. i keep thinking about young charles absolute FASCINATED with this version of erik, bc that's the man he loves so much, his dearest friend, now older and mature and comfortable in his own skin. this is exactly what charles wanted for erik and its right in front of him, after a year and a half of being away from erik, all that hurt and pain.. and future!erik is ACHING and YEARNING so badly like i bet he regrets all the things he did that hurt charles and always had those 'what ifs' in the back of his mind, 'what if he could change the past' 'what if he could change the way he treated charles' and now he has this version of charles, the first version of him he learned how to love, still full of hope for the world and with that soft look on his beautiful blue eyes.. he wants to make things right this time. so while hank is trying to find a way to send him back to his time, charles and erik spend their days together, playing chess and talking and talking and talking.

charles sees erik interacting with alex and helping him with his powers, everybody is still at shock to see how he's way more patient than his present version, and charles is about to EXPLODEEE with so much love. and in the middle of all this we have present!erik, hurt and bitter with his fresh 'magneto' suit of armor bc now he's the leader of the brotherhood of mutants, seeing this man who clames to be him in the future following charles around like a puppy, making charles smile and blush, he's about to start a new war. he also stays with the x men bc he wants to send his future version to the future as soon as he can, he's there to "keep an eye on him".

it goes like this until one day charles and future!erik are talking in the balcony of charles' room, they're talking normally and they simply CANT take their eyes off each other until charles blurts out of nowhere "are you happy? at peace? or at least getting there?" and erik says after a few seconds looking at him ".. im getting there." and charles smiles bright like the sun, holds one of his hands saying "good" and the moment is so soft and delicate and intimate they end up kissing. slow and wet and romantic with their bodies pressed against each other totally lost to the rest of the world, none of them hear the door opening until is too late and suddenly there's another erik in the room, furious. thats where things get interesting!!!!!! present!erik is absolutely out of his mind and tries to attack future!erik with his powers, but future!erik is more powerful and doesn't even bat an eye (thinking about present!erik trying to choke future!erik with that necklace he uses in dark phoenix but future!erik simply uses his powers to put it in present!erik's neck to choke him instead) until charles get in the middle ordering them to stop because theyre being ridiculous.

its just too funny the idea of erik fighting with himself bc other version of him got to kiss charles before him (got to kiss charles at all) and future!erik tauts him by saying that he could have that if he wasn't too much of a coward to act on his feelings and charles is a little offended how they're talking about him as if hes not there but hes also getting all hot and bothered bc cmon there's Two eriks fighting over him and theyre both so hot and attractive in the same AND different ways he's sweating a little!!! and then future!erik kisses him again... gets behind him gently pushes his body close to present!erik.. who looks at him as if he's pained and then he also kisses charles... they end up taking charles to paris if you know what i mean