#even if i have no goddamn clue what you're talking about i will read all of them

[blorbohoarder]

there's too many depressing headcanons in fandoms

edgeworth now takes trucy out for ice-cream every other sunday

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

Simon "not feeling anything"

“It was fine, it was sex” is one of those lines I keep coming back to because what does that mean. Even removed from context, in a scale of things that are supposed to be mind-blowingly fantastic or, at the very least, actually good, just "fine" will be perceived as negative. If you prepare someone a meal and they say "it was fine, it was food," you're probably going to think they didn't like it. If someone went out to pick a dress for a special occasion, and they go "it was fine, it was a dress" about the dress they picked... if you don't think they fucking hated that dress, you're likely assuming that person doesn't care about dresses at all. Like, dresses do not cause positive emotions at all. Picking a dress feels like nothing, perhaps. Maybe it's even it's even boring as hell.

A big component of that line is that it sounds dismissive, even more so because it comes with a Simon who is trying to change the subject. He would very much rather not talk and think about this at all (his final word on the matter is a dismissal as well – "it doesn't matter" – which comes in the context of highlighting the difference when you actually want it... "this is how it feels like when you're in love and turned on and so I actually want to do it, whatever works between Baz and me, as opposed to that other time when it wasn't like this and it was the opposite"). But there's something else I want to highlight here...

Fine, in the context of negative things, might not necessarily be seen as positive, but as something that you can handle.

In that sense, maybe it was "fine." In a fucked up way, maybe it was something that could be handled because it felt like nothing. (If this is something impossible for you to imagine, I invite you to look up conversations of real people who fall somewhere in the acespectrum sharing things in the vein of "I tried sex to see what all the buzz was about and it felt like literally nothing. Like washing my car: a tedious exercise. Maybe we're wired differently" – it's obviously not literally nothing, you can very much feel if something or someone touches you, but maybe you get the idea of what I'm trying to say.)

Simon has completely convinced himself that not feeling anything is fine – it's part of why his feelings for Baz are so difficult, and not just when it comes to deciphering them... having them at all is difficult. It's so much. The lack of feelings is what he liked about dating Agatha, after all. Having different interpretations is obviously alright, my own interpretations are richer after seeing others point out things that made me see things I didn’t notice (or saying things that sound wrong and interrogating “why does reading this make me feel like I just licked a goddamn lemon”) but sometimes, somethings are just missing the point. The point is that Simon doesn’t have those feelings for Agatha. If he had been attracted to her, he would have experienced certain feelings he would need to negotiate with. But he never had to do that – he's thrown into the reality of his feelings for Baz with no map, no guidelines, no clue of what do with himself at all. His attraction for Baz throws him into uncharted territory, not just in terms of intensity, but in terms of feeling anything of that nature at all. That doesn't fit into Simon's fucked up idea of "fine." Baz notes Simon goes from 0 to 100, without realizing how much that truly applies. (I'm sure I have other posts that are basically: before discovering he loves and wants Baz, Simon's only intense emotion that he's familiar with is anger, and it would be easy to mix up that heat with attraction to Baz, with whom he's constantly picking fights with, seeking his attention...)

Part of the point is that Baz is the first time he’s dealing with what attraction and romantic love truly feel like, and on top of that, is intense as hell. It's The Love. The Attraction of a lifetime – of many lives, even. Of all of them. If Simon ever had such feelings for Agatha, she would never have felt safe. I don't think people truly realize that when they speculate "there must have been the flames of something" between them at some point. If she had awakened those things at such a precarious and controlled part of Simon's life – we can't ignore how much his emotions had an effect on his crazy magic – it would not have been "fine." She wouldn’t have been an armor, for him ("if you’re as beautiful as her" — not only conforming but standing out in terms of beauty standards is a form of “standing out” in "the right way," of being aspiration — you are untouchable — the opposite of being neglected or rejected for someone as him). "She's the type of person a boy like me is supposed to want" wouldn't have been safe by itself if she also made him feel like exploding (his attraction for Baz, when Simon tries to act on it, feels like going off).

For the record, Simon's "fine" is not the good type of fine. It's not the type of "fine" that makes you sigh in relief. This is a guy who could get shot and say "I'm fine" while bleeding out. And that's just the thing. Simon "not feeling” is necessary so he can live according to others like he does, but it’s not that he doesn’t actually feel anything. He's not made of stone. But he represses his actual feelings, even without realizing (sometimes he's not repressed he can't even identify the thing being repressed, it's just hidden away somewhere... until he can) and seeks situations that don’t awaken anything in him. It's what's more comfortable... and you have to keep in mind this is someone who's used to be uncomfortable. Discomfort is familiar. It's "fine." Being in situations he doesn't actually want to be is "fine" because he can't even identify his own wants. It's not even a factor.

But it's not really fine in the good sense of the word. If it was, he wouldn't self-harm through that conversation, for once (using physical pain to distract himself from the internal discomfort – external discomfort feels good in comparison). It's not "fine" to date someone long-term when you don't feel anything (other than friendship, very tellingly) for them. It doesn't "save you" from feelings, it just makes you sad.

Since Simon avoids processing, he lacks vocabulary to describe what’s happening. Not thinking about what he wants also means he doesn’t question what he doesn’t want... and even if it doesn't seem like a big deal, doing unwanted things still has effects, even if you avoid processing them (I'm sure I wrote that post so I'm not going to elaborate here but I''ll say: associating sex with pressure, not pleasure – only food is associated with pleasure before Simon has sex with Baz – is one such effect). “It was just going through the motions” is Penny’s vocabulary. It's something she says to Simon when he's still not ready to process that everything he believes to be just "fine" it's not. The way he's been living up to that point (according to what everyone expects of him, following a map, not ever making choices about anything ever outside of battles and stalking Baz – Simon's only "me time" is about Baz) is not fine. If you make a list of every moment Simon acts genuinely, truly happy on the page? Most of them are about him being close to Baz. Kissing Baz, touching Baz, taking to Baz. Making choices about how to live his life (by itself unfamiliar, and does not feel "fine").

Sex with Baz is not fine. And it's not just because it's better than fine on a scale of "was it good?" (even acknowledging something like "I had sex and it wasn't good" it's feeling something – negative feelings are also not fine if the full force of them are processed, they're only fine if they can be pushed aside and repressed). It's not fine because it makes Simon feel so much, and after being so used to nothingness, it's a complete shock to his system. It's going from 0 to 100. It's bigger than magic – even the one he had (and back then, releasing his magic was the only type of release he knew... it's no wonder that another type of release would be so difficult, after all, the only type of release he's used to is destructive... but that's another post, too)

[lunarriviera]

another thrilling spirealm update

henlo my friends yes it's that time once again where i tell you what is happening on the bizarrely named drama "the spirealm," i am at episode 25 having shotgunned it all weekend and i have thoughts, opinions, and a gabillion screencaps of ruan nanzhu looking stricken, i finally had to stop taking them because he has the exact same face of devastated yearning in all of them and i was filling up my cloud drive. spoilers ahoy! [parts one and two are here if you even care]

as just mentioned, ruan nanzhu spends his time looking either 1) icily indifferent (when people who aren't qiushi are talking to him and/or dying in front of him, to his vast annoyance) or 2) torn asunder by pangs of desire (whenever he's staring at qiushi, who's babbling obliviously about science or clues or absolutely nothing of any importance whatsoever). here is a representative screencap but he has this look on his face pretty much continually, like he's just been hit by a car. a car of love.

it makes me put my head in my hands and scream quietly, i haven't seen a BL actor who understood the assignment this well since zhang xincheng or maybe even z1l. (who all clearly not only read the novel but underlined it, highlighted it, and stuck in colored post-it notes.) when not busy with adoration, he swans around being magnificent in a frockcoat like he's edward rochester, while lin qiushi trails behind him wearing a fit he got out of the goodwill box in his college dorm.

in spite of being besties with a literal fashion icon, at no point does it ever seem to occur to lingling "hm maybe i should dress a bit more formally for my imminent demise inside the doors"—no, instead he proudly wears his ratty sweatshirt with holes in it. which i sort of think might belong to huang junjie. idk maybe qiushi trusts it, and feels safe in it, hey look at that i made it sad.

massive power couple energy. also notice how their outfits are exact black-and-white negatives of each other, the harper's bazaar wedding photoshoot would have been so goddamn lit.

taking a brief moment for a shoutout to this guy. chen fei i don't even know what your fate will be but i already know you deserved better. not only do you patch everyone up with your veterinary knowledge, but i have seen your unrequited love. it did not go unobserved. you would have been a great partner, you're unimpressed by everything and drink your soy milk with chilling apathy. i'm real sorry the theatre gay didn't love you back. you're too similar i guess.

back to lin qiushi who has the worst case of main character energy since harry freaking potter. somehow the game is about him??? he has trauma??? none of this was in the novel and i'm just pretending it's not happening until it becomes impossible to ignore. in the meantime he continues to sympathize with door ghosts because he's just that nice of a guy. (EXCEPTION: nanzhu literally murdered two competitors bc they threatened his darling, and lin qiushi helped him cover it up. i was appalled for like 5 minutes then i shrugged. it's a cutthroat game, the doors change people. also it's like captain mal used to say: if someone tries to kill you, you kill 'em right back.) i have big Theories about what is fixing to happen but for now i will end by relating that lin qiushi has gone into a door alone, because he wants to butch up and be a better partner for ruan nanzhu. and that would be a great idea and super helpful except that nanzhu IMMEDIATELY WENT OUT OF HIS MIND WITH BLIND TERROR. outwardly of course he gives no signs of this (other than hiring someone to protect his fragile boyfriend, which, if lingling figures this out, ruan nanzhu will be sleeping on the sofa forever).

here he is pushing food around his plate miserably at lingling's funeral pre-solo-door party. everyone is having such a fun time.

and here he is standing in front of the door waiting like a dumb wounded animal. i have a feeling if lin qiushi doesn't emerge at 15 minutes on the dot, nanzhu will simply expire on the spot, like a wolf separated from its mate. maybe that's the end of the spirealm JUST KIDDING, we still haven't gotten to the part where they're on either side of a different door wailing at each other. i really need lin qiushi to stop being such a cheery equanimous little frat boy and START SUFFERING, can we get some mutual pining up in this bitch. (also i need his hair to change in the traditional BL post-wedding hairstyle alteration because i can't remember at this point if huang junjie even HAS a forehead under that vast curtain of bangs)

to sum up, we've had a) sexy handfeeding of lychees b) tender cat fur removal from face and c) stalking your pretty boyfriend aggressively against the wall so you can…offer him a packet of disinfectant. in the novel of course nanzhu bites him and yes xia zhiguang absolutely knows that's what he's supposed to be doing here, we love to see it.

oh and also d) "i'll protect you. i'll protect you forever."

SOON: THE THRILLING CONCLUSION. IT'LL BE SO FUCKING SAD. PS unrelated to any of this but the OST SLAPS and i sing along every time now, that opening song is an unskippable cut scene of a banger

PS gonna be sad when [redacted] dies, he's a real card. and that other person dies too. and that third person. shit it's about to get messy

[powderblueblood]

How about Lacy finding Eddie's writing? 🤭

need you to imagine me listening to a fifth of beethoven from the saturday night fever soundtrack whilst writing this because i became insane and filled it with Clues.............

it's like trying to understand the fucking zodiac killer.

it's all codes and ciphers and scrawls and-- well, she thought she might have been reading that one upside down but it's actually indecipherable any way you twist it.

and it's not like any of it is even written on paper either. torn open cigarette packs, napkins, burger wrappers from the diner. one time a leaf.

because eddie's not like lacy in the way she keeps a journal but eddie's like lacy in that if he's roundhoused with a thought that he needs to remember, he's got to write it down now immediately pronto on any available surface.

which is pretty pointless, since he keeps losing all this garbage and she has to pick it up after him.

she bears over the spread of scraps like an fbi agent, palms braced to the table. there's a thread here, but she can't quite untangle it. she's staring at a pile of shit that says shit like

crabs incident-- bruised like a peach worth biting-- violet like violence??

red tights. tingly. carnelian little carnivore.

track two. treasure.

persephone's hall pass.

seventh grade & as many minutes in limbo. shoulda ripped off band aid.

mage in a mink coat.

well, that last one--

"you dumpster diving now? hard times."

fuck! fuck. told you, rat blood. appearing out of nowhere with no noise no notice to then become the loudest thing in the room. he's like thunderclap, this fucko, like a spontaneous combustion.

he also doesn't even recognize his own handwriting, seems like. she blushes, furious. doesn't know why.

"community service. they have me picking up the trailer trash's trailer trash."

"snitty!" he shoves the bag of chips he's holding at her--an offering, he can't do anything normal around her--and reaches for one of the scraps. lacy watches him like a scientist watching a guinea pig for brain activity-- and his eyes go all wide and panicky. "wait."

"eddie-- hey!" but he's scrambling now, going for all the little pieces of writing she'd been trying to arrange on the table like a pointless puzzle. "don't--"

"where'd you get all this shit, huh?! going through my pockets now, is that it? like a cop?"

"i-- hey, don't you fucking dare-- look, you shed!"

"i shed?"

"you shed. you've got shit falling out of that stupid, enormous nerd binder every goddamn day because you just shove shit in there and don't organize anything, and i wasn't gonna stand around and let you just litter everywhere and--" now it's her turn to be like. wait. crosses her arms, eyes narrow, she's mother superior serving nailed ya bitch. "--why are you all skittish?"

"huh?"

"it's just-- trash, right?" she snatches a burger wrapper out of his grasp. oh this is delish.

"yeah," he grabs, but she's holding it behind her back and god her face is like stupid smirky, "but it's my trash. my--giveit--private... trash."

eddie munson is blushing.

"who's the mage?"

"the fucking.... the what?"

little crinkle as she unfolds a piece torn off a brown paper bag. "mage in a mink coat. who's that?"

"nobody."

"i have a mink coat."

"oh. does that really say mage? 'coz it should say mange." he's such an asshole. she's grinning so wide.

everyone says revenge is a dish best served cold but she bets she could use eddie munson's cheeks as a hotplate and eat right off 'em. it'd taste so much better. lobster bisque. filet mignon. michelin star.

"have you been writing about me, munson?"

his face is all stone-set, mouth all i can't fucking believe this and eyes all i'd cut the brake lines in her van if she wasn't the one scamming rides off me all the time. "li'l miss my life is incomplete without eddie munson wants to talk?"

"called you a neanderthal in the next sentence. don't forget that."

"you're such a beastie."

"carnelian little carnivore, you wrote."

"what makes you so sure it's all about you, huh?"

"context clues."

he glances down. she is, in fact, wearing the aforementioned tingly-feeling-inspiring red tights again today. shit.

"what happened in seventh grade?" she's pointing to the scrap in his hand, one he's managed to keep out of her snatchy little fingers.

she doesn't remember anything significant about seventh grade. but he does, and a knot tightens in his chest and he's about to lie and say something crass about my fist, a stopwatch and a view of you from underneath the bleachers at cheerleading practice-- then final bell rings.

"that is for me to know--"

"--and for me to die ignorant?" she's an active listener.

"precisely, you wench. now get the fuck outta here, i got hellfire."

lacy leaves the scraps.

"i will find out, y'know."

he knows. "you're like a bitch with a bone that way."

"the bitchiest."

[parkerrogersgirl]

Birds of a Feather- Chapter 3

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Reader

Summary: you're stationed at Top Gun with your brother's long time best friend/your forever crush, Bradley. When you finally realized that your feelings were unrequited, you settled for Adrian. But what happens when Rooster reveals the truth about the man you thought loved you endlessly?

A/N: HI GUYS! I'M BACK!! Again, if y'all didn't see my post earlier, I am very sorry for the long hiatus, I have had no motivation. But! This is one of 3 new chapters this week! Please enjoy, reblog, and give feedback! This is not beta read

Warnings: fluff, pining, cheating, language, angst

Word Count: 1,460

---------------------------

Reader’s POV

You wake up the next morning feeling more well-rested than you have in months. Leaving Adrian last night had given you such peace of mind that you were finally able to fall asleep without worrying about the man next to you. As you wake, you realize there’s an arm around your waist, but it feels different than it usually does. You feel safe. Warm. You slowly reach down and put a hand on top of the one across your belly. You hear a groan and feel stirring behind you.

“Morning, sweet girl,” he says against your hair before ruffling it, “how’d you sleep?”

You stretch for a moment and sit up, turning to look at him, “I slept wonderfully. I don’t remember the last time that happened. Thank you for everything you did for me last night.”

He puts a hand on your knee, “well, since Mav gave us yesterday off, we have to go in today. It’s pretty early, but if you want to take a shower, I’ll make us coffee and breakfast. Take your time.” He kisses your forehead and gets out of bed, leaving you to your thoughts as you bring yourself to take a shower. Once the water is a temperature akin to the surface of the sun, you step in and let the extremely hot water wash away all of the drama.

----------------------

Rooster’s POV

Once he’s changed into his flight suit, Bradley goes downstairs and starts on breakfast. As someone who can’t actually cook, he figures pancakes are the easiest option that he won’t mess up. As he assembles all of the ingredients, he lets his mind wander to last night. Now that Adrian was out of the picture, how long should he wait before he confessed his feelings? There’s probably not a statute of limitations on dating your best friend after a bad breakup, right? You had told him things had been “off” for a while. Were you giving permission? Or were you just venting? If he did tell you, would you be okay with it? Would you leave and go stay with someone else?

He hears you coming down the stairs as he finishes plating the pancakes, and resolves to tell you after work. Enough had happened yesterday that needed to be processed on its own, and you needed to be able to focus on work. He could wait.

“ROOSTER! You know you’re not allowed to cook!” You shout from the doorway to the kitchen, rushing over to see the damage. 

He rolls his eyes, “listen, smartass. Pancakes are easy. I only burnt the first two, and I tossed them so you didn’t have to eat them. Now sit down and eat your goddamn breakfast before I take it back and bring it into work. I’m sure the Daggers would love my cooking. They’ll eat anything.” He brings the plate to the island counter in the middle of the kitchen, and you sit down and take a bite, immediately recoiling.

“Roo, you’re my best friend, but I don’t even think Payback and Coyote would eat these. What did you do?” You grab a paper towel from the roll on the counter and spit out your bite.

“What are you talking about? They’re fine.” He grabs one off the plate and takes a bite, then gags. “Jesus CHRIST what happened to these?” He grabs the box of pancake mix and starts scanning it for clues. 

You grab it from him and look at the top flap, gasping, “BRADLEY THIS PANCAKE MIX EXPIRED A YEAR AGO!” 

He shrugs and grins sheepishly, “coffee? I’ll buy.”

You grab your work bag, badge, and phone, then toss him his keys, “damn right you will.”

-------------

In the car, Rooster isn’t sure what to talk about after your coffee stop. He can’t tell you how gorgeous you look in your uniform. Your long, blonde hair is pulled back in a tight bun, and your flight suit is perfectly smoothed over. It’s still early enough that the sun is still coming up, and the light on your face is hypnotizing. Of course, Rooster is having these thoughts at a red light, and doesn’t notice when it changes to green. Nor does he notice the car behind him honking at him.

“Hello? Rooster? Green light, dude.” You wave a hand in front of his face and he shakes himself back to reality.

“Sorry, I spaced out,” he says as he continues driving. “Do you know what we’re flying today?”

“No idea. I just hope Hangman takes it easy on me today. I hate it when his WSO is out. Flying with him sucks.” 

He shoots you a sympathetic look as he pulls in to the gate and shows the security officer both of your badges, then pulls through in the direction of the hangar. “Do you want me to talk to him for you?”

“Oh my God, no. Don’t you dare. I’m dealing with enough, I don’t need him finding out I’m single and harassing me for my number. I’ll just sing Chappell Roan in my head or something.” 

He parks and you both head over to the building, and you hear your callsign echo from somewhere to your left. You both turn your head and roll your eyes. Of course Hangman would find you before you’d finished your coffee.

-------------

Reader’s POV

As you watch Hangman jog over to you, you start chugging your very strong coffee as fast as you can. 

“Jake, please. It’s so early and I’m not in the mood.”

He smirks as he reaches you, “what’s wrong, darlin’? I just came over to offer my condolences.”

You wince, “condolences for what?”

“Well, Adrian came by Hard Deck last night. Imagine my surprise when he was looking for you because you left him.”

“Yeah, Hangman, I left him. As in, no longer together. So just tell me what you want,” you tell him as you head to the locker room to put your bag up.

He pulls you to him before you can enter the locker room, “I was hoping you’d let me take you out for a celebratory dinner. And then an even more celebratory breakfast the next morning.”

“What exactly are we celebrating?” You try to pull away, but he’s got a hand on your arm. 

“You finally being single, I’ve been waiting for this.” 

You reach down and remove his hand from your arm, and you decide you’ve had enough. “You know what, Hangman? I am so, so sick of this shit. I’m not going to go out with you. Why do you think you’ve never gotten any luck with anyone in the Navy? It’s because we all know what kind of person you are. You’re an incredible pilot. There’s no question about that. But the way you treat people is the reason you have no fucking friends. Ever think you’d have better luck if you changed everything about yourself?”

“I just-”

“Jake, leave her alone,” you hear over your shoulder. You turn your head and see Rooster towering over you, “she’s going through a lot and she doesn’t need you all over her ass.”

“Alright, whatever. See you in the air,” Jake says as he scoffs and walks away. Once he’s gone, Bradley pulls you into a hug. It’s not as tight as the one yesterday, but it’s somehow better. You feel… safe. And the only thing you can think is that you want to feel this way with Bradley every day forever. 

------------

After a grueling day of flying with Jake, who wouldn’t speak to you unless it was an instruction, you shower in the locker room and go out to wait by Bradley’s Bronco. You were usually out first, but he’s already standing next to the rear bumper in his civvies.

“Ready? I was thinking we’d pick up some pizza and beer.” 

You high five him before making your way to the passenger’s side, “what a guy,” you say lovingly as you hop in. You order the pizza on your phone, then make a stop at a convenience store for beers before going to pick it up. 

Once you get to Bradley’s, you go straight to the living room and put the pizza and beer on the table. You hear him rummaging around in the kitchen and grab the remote, hoping to choose something before he comes back in the room. You successfully choose “Alien,” just to see how much Bradley will let you get away with in your state. You queue it up on the Netflix screen as Bradley walks in with extra ranch and marinara and sets it on the table. He sits next to you, looks at the TV, then back at you. 

“Actually, can we talk about something?”

------------------------------------------------

@my-emotional-self @thankyouforanonymity @supernaturaldean67 @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @princess76179 @srgntjbarnes @jcc04220 @ilovethefandomwho-blog @a-tale-of-two-comics @magellan-88 @healojane @mizz-kraziii @lostinspace33 @esther-maslow-90 @astheskycries @turningtoclown @sonofadeanwinchester @roosterforme

[an-idiot-in-fandoms]

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE WAY WE TALK ABOUT THE MEMBERS OF MCR???

A-FUCKING-TTENTION. I WOULD LIKE TO ADDRESS SOMETHING.

as my followers may know i am a giant mcr stan. i love their music. i think most of the band are good people. however, something came to my attention.

i haven't made it a secret that i am NOT a fan of Lindsey Way, Gerard's wife, who is a racist, pedophile apologist. learning about her being a giant piece of shit made me very sad to acknowledge that if Gerard is willing to not only marry her, but use the reunion tour as also an opportunity to uncancel his dear precious wife or some bullshit, then he's not obviously the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to race and racism in general. the fact that they even endorsed and was a fan of MSI, a "shock humour" band, which used slurs to get attention (which is fucking pathetic by the way), says a lot already. perhaps it speaks to the rock scene's general tolerance for racism at the time in the 2000s, but it wasn't the 1800s. Jimmy Urine was still a white man using the n-word at full volume, and profiting off of it during his concerts and releasing his music.

and maybe shut the fuck up if you're going to call me a "snowflake" about it, because chances are you're white, and you have no fucking clue how dangerous this rhetoric can be towards POC, who have to put up with the normalisation of slur use that the band encourages. i am a POC, and i find the fact that he used that language for money and fame absolutely disgusting. the whole band is disgusting. they can rot in hell.

anyway.

i came across a blog, not going to say which one, but one where it called out Lindsey Way. i was like "ok cool someone else who can use critical thinking in this fandom and doesn't just blindly support Gerard even though he's still definitely not the goddamn messiah". so i go on a scroll through their blog. they were a big fan of Frank, and i respect that, Frank deserves all of his flowers and more.

and then it got weird.

i came across posts where they speculated on the dynamic of the band. and a lot of things were spoken about, where they talked about Gerard being manipulative towards Frank, and how Frank didn't like going on the American leg of the tour during the reunion, and how, basically, they weren't friends, and how Gerard wasn't a good person.

the point is - there was A LOT of speculation. it made me upset to be reading it because i felt as though i'd been punched in the face, reading all this stuff about a guy i look up to partially. i sort of fell into a rabbit hole scrolling through their tumblr, getting more depressed, feeding into the logic that i could never truly feel happy about liking mcr again, reading about all of these theories, and---

hold the phone.

did you read that?

THEORIES.

it occurred to me that these were THEORIES. and the way they were demonising certain people, such as putting down Ray in certain posts to make way for Frank, made me realise that there's a problem with this fandom and how people like to assume what happens with the band members' personal life, and how they interact with each other. people like to speculate in this fandom. like, a lot.

i'll assume it's partially due to how most of the band don't shed a lot of light on their personal lives, only really Frank and Mikey are active on social media, usually showing appreciation for their families/or Frank's countless side-projects (which are all great btw, go listen to Parachutes again). so a lot of the fandom turn to speculation, to come up with these theories that "oh there's in-fighting", or "Gerard is secretly an evil genius who manipulates the whole band".

these are real people. Gerard isn't a saint, despite what some people may believe (cough, girlgerard, cough), but what we don't have to do is start making up bullshit about them being a certain way with no evidence. it's all speculation. and it's demeaning, not only to Frank and Gerard, who've probably had enough with the rumours about them over the years, but for Mikey and Ray as well.

these people aren't your friends. they're not some mystical beings shrouded in darkness that you have to find everything out about either. they are people in a band.

going too deep into speculation robs them of their autonomy. it makes everyone in the fandom look like creeps as well. it's horrible to see, and it takes away the real importance of critical thinking.

you can think critically about Gerard for marrying and excusing a racist woman, because there is EVIDENCE of her being racist. there is EVIDENCE of her being a pedophile apologist. that brings up questions about his own views on race, and how much he's willing to excuse, if he could love someone who willingly takes part in racism.

you can't do the same for Frank and Gerard's relationship. we know JACKSHIT about that. they have never said anything negative pertaining to each other in interviews, whatever "beef" people have made up between them is entirely manufactured by the fandom's overactive imagination. it's like a dead-dove fanfic on AO3 for fuck's sake, where Gerard is tagged as an asshole.

i'm aware it is only a small proportion of people who do this. but the extent to which they do it is honestly shocking. so i got pissed off.

we don't need to know everything about what happens with the band members. Frank has LS Dunes. Mikey has his family. who the fuck knows what Ray and Gerard are doing.

(now, no one's complaining about the lack of Ray on social media, but when people see a picture of Gerard's hand they flip out and beg for a face reveal - but no one's ready for that convo...)

point is: let them be. work with what you get. there's no need to make up things to make it all interesting, to create conflict - you've got that with the heavily problematic connection to MSI. evidence is key. you do not need to analyse these people like they're fictional characters.

because they are PEOPLE. and people are neither completely good or bad, they are usually in the grey area.

[goodluckclove]

Actual Hot Take: Ramble Incoming

I'm in a mood, less than a week out from my hysterectomy, and I have some thoughts. Rough thoughts. Medium spicy.

They're about world-building and critiques and readers and writers. It turned into a big ramble as I processed some feelings - you'll note the subject change partway through - so I'm throwing a read more.

I would say here that this is my own personal opinion but essentially I realized that my real issue here was how sick I am of cynicism in lit spaces and like...yeah I don't think that's a crazy hot take. I feel at this point that I am incapable of hot takes.

I am deeply intimidated by the kinds of writers and readers who eviscerate logistical world-building choices in genre fiction. I usually only see it in sci-fi and fantasy communities but I have to imagine it happens in every genre.

Maybe an unrealistic fabric is used in a historical fiction novel. Or a poor choice of saddle in a western. Or a medical inaccuracy in a horror scene. It has to happen all the time because certain people have expertise that research might miss, or a writer's research could be wrong, or they could've just not researched at all. But for some reason specifically the Speculative Fiction crowd are the most likely, in my experience, to lose their goddamned minds.

Has anyone read Greg Egan's Schild's Ladder? It's about the hardest sci-fi out there. So esoteric and thorough in its scientific accuracy that when I tried to read it it circled back around and sounded like fantasy. Listen to this excerpt from the plot summary:

Huh? Huh???

I don't know about you, but this is virtually indistinguishable to me from the schizophrenic rambling of Philip K Dick. I did not hate the book. I couldn't finish it because I had no fucking clue what anyone was talking about, but I enjoy it's existence. The prose was pretty retro. It's like a pulp novel from an alternate universe where everyone has a PhD in Quantum Physics.

It's just a weird spectrum, the questions you're supposed to answer and the ones you're allowed to leave a mystery. What mysteries will the reader use against you as proof that you didn't think it through? People say write for yourself, and you should, but some of those same people are quick to produce massive think pieces on why your choices make you a bad writer. That's just a thing some writers choose to do. And there's really no way to predict what someone might get unreasonably rant-y about. As I put my writing more out there I have no idea what people will use to claim I put no thought into the most emotionally vulnerable writing I've ever created.

And they say that's not supposed to bother you. But like. Of course it does? There's a level of thick skin you're supposed to develop about writing, but I don't think that applies to all aspects of writing or all the time. If someone disregards my entire novel that I gave myself tendonitis over because my depiction of back of house food service wasn't realistic or my magic system didn't go in a direction they thought it should, I'm going to be upset. It won't ruin my life or get me to give up writing - I don't see anything doing that at that point. But I'll get sad. I'll probably get pretty sad and it's weird that I feel like it's bad for writers to admit that.

My hot take, nestled within this hot take, is that I think this applies to every writer. Even the ones that react with ego and anger to massive critiques on their books - right before we cringe and scoff and laugh online - are probably also just sad that we didn't like their writing. Unless they specifically didn't try, or posed a scam in the form of a book, they're likely sad they offered something born out of creative effort and got rejected. Nobody likes that.

It's one thing if the writer themselves has some trash beliefs. I am fine with people eviscerating JK Rowling or any of the writers who feel like the best way to get a book deal is to bring down other writers or pretend to be a different race online. But it's just crazy to be a writer in an age where you might publish a book someone hates so much that they release a three hour-long video essay roasting entire segments for a potentially incalculable audience.

I used to be into that kind of stuff, but after being here for so long relishing in that rage-bait feels weird. Because a lot of the people here, even if they write themes I'm not interested in, seem like nice enough people actually trying to do something. I had strangers on here send me their writing and someone sent me what was clearly a fetish thing and even though I wasn't into the kink I talked to the person about it and they were perfectly civil and courteous. I'm almost 30 and I'm learning that while some artists are using their medium to push unhealthy beliefs or hateful ideologies, a lot more people just want to tell a story that feels important to them. Even if other people don't like it.

I don't know. I was angry at first when I started this but by now I'm just sentimental and I think people should stop treating complaining as their primary hobby. I think critiques are important, but there comes a line in which I'm forced to think you'd just like hearing yourself talk. And if you like to talk why not talk about something you enjoy?

If you've read this far (you're very odd), I'm going to go ahead and list a few books that inspired my writing and say why I like them a lot.

Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut: Love my man Vonnegut. His prose is so warm and easy to read and his stories are so wild and interesting to think about. Everyone should read Vonnegut he's great and he seemed like a pretty nice guy.

Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison: This book wrecked me hard. Some of the descriptions were so beautiful I put the book down and let out a sigh. When I finished I walked out of whatever classroom I was in without asking for permission from the teacher and spent the rest of class wandering campus in the rain and weeping openly.

Griffin and Sabine by Nick Bantock: it's a trilogy told through postcards and letters you can physically open and remove the pages. Has some of the most beautiful romantic intimacy between two people who never meet. There's one particular letter I read and reread a lot when I was younger because it was exactly what I wanted in life.

[sucantslay]

Wataru and Eichi's solo song analysis

-How did it connect together and the meaning of their relationship-(Part1: Eichi)

I'm literally crying, and there will be more tears after this...but I must...

If you're questioning why I delivered this analysis so late...uhm, it's long. But in short, I've to re-read some of the stories just to make some needed points and to make sure that the facts are true ( and all kinds of business randomly pop up on my schedule, haunting me for weeks! )

Before that, I need you to read some warnings first!

This is my PERSONAL way of looking at their characteristic, if it is not for you, YOU'RE FREE TO HAVE YOUR OWN IDEAL.

Even if you're an Eichi-P, an Eichi hater, or just someone who simply wants to know more about him, I welcome you all with open arms. No one is being banned here. But pls, if you don't like or enjoy the way I look and think of Eichi, do not send hate or make any big mess. If you don't like it, just stop reading, that's it.

There won't be much of the translated song picture because Tumblr stops me from putting 10pic in a post so...again with the word.

THIS IS GONNA BE GODDAMN LONG! I spit it into 2 parts! And it still LONGGG HELP! ( Part 1 will be Eichi's song and Part two is for Wataru song ) I'll make a tag and put the link so you can get to Wataru's part.

I'll be using these 2 Eichi solo songs to analyze:

Shinning star + Crystal Pleasure

And for Wataru:

Amazing World + Wandering Clown

I'm so sorry if there is not much information about Wataru, as well as a good look into his character. We don't have much information about him so...I need things to base on, a clue to know what up with him, but it is hard to even find one because he rarely talks about himself. So most of this analysis will be talking about it from Eichi's standpoint. It's funny how both rarely talk about their family and other personal stuff but since Wataru is around and always able to pull some lore out of Eichi's mouth, we get to know more about Eichi. Though, it was not the same for Wataru because Eichi have lot of respected for him. There had been multiple occasions when Eichi tried telling Wataru that he could open up to him but after some silence, Eichi just said: "It ok if you don't wanna talk about it." And they continued on with other stuff.

Alright, let's set up a map for this one because it is kinda LOnGGGGG

A small summary of young Eichi and how he came to know Wataru + during the war and after the war ended.

What thoughts do I have on Eichi being so in love with Wataru?

Into the song: About Eichi's solo then we'll get to Wataru's solo later.

1. A little summary!

Since this post is a goddam 4 song-analyzing post, it going to be hard for those who just want to get to the song part, so I made a whole different post for it!

If you're interested, go ahead and read the summary, if not, you can get to other parts. BUT, I STRONGLY RECOMMEND YOU TO read it ( if you have the time to ) because it going to help you understand Eichi's character better and enjoyable view of his song and the connection he has with Wataru.

2. Some of my thought on their dynamic ( 0v0/ ✨❤️✨)

I'm crying in happiness to get a chance to talk about them. I really want to do this for a long time ago but never got the time to.

As I've mentioned before in part 1. Eichi is Wataru's biggest fan.

So, it is likely that Eichi loves him but also puts a distance wall in their relationship like how a fan is to their idols.

From the brutal war, Eichi thinks he had hurt too many people to be forgiving PLUS the self-hate and low-esteem, it is just like a knife that was already placed in his chest, after the war ends, it just goes deeper in.

Wataru visited him but it did not make Eichi cry in tear of joy but in pain, because to Eichi, now, no one would like to be with him anymore. It was a good choice to let Tsumugi go, so he can be free. It was a good choice to made that damn contract even if friendship is what needed to help a Unit grow strong.

That "Fine" was never a Unit in Eichi's eyes. It was nothing but a weapon he used to wield. To kill the innocent, carefree being, yet it was necessary.

An action he must took to made the school a better place. And he did, he succeeded but sacrificed himself in the process.

So, if it was not for Wataru, we would never have the Fine today. Heck! Maybe we never get to see Eichi again and he will become nothing but the dust of Yumenosaki's past.

And I was so in tears! Every goddamn time Eichi keeps on with that suspicious look, scare that Wataru wouldn't be with him anymore, that Eichi will be throw away like trash.

Like! Give it a rest buddy! He love you! That it!

And to that depressed little rich guy? Wataru didn't hate him or stay away from him at all!

He was also trying his best, like feeding a kid the food they hate but is healthy so Wataru have to keep trying.

He kept on trying and trying just to let Eichi know: "I'm here for you, and I won't run away, I won't hurt you, I won't betray you. I will be here, with you."

With that came! The shiniest moment of the two!

EP: Link!

When Wataru literally gave Eichi his one and beloved mask that he wear all the time, just to let Eichi know that he'll always be here for Eichi.

I laughed so hard with Eichi just confused at the spot until others showed up.

Like, Eichi, yeh? Rich, smart, good looking. Yet just for a mask now placed on his hand and he getting all wonder in space.

Why? Because he was so sure about everything he thought! To him, his plan was perfect, to the man who wounded many, of course, he would never think that the plan in his head would not become true. He did it before, how can he fail it this time?

It couldn't go wrong, right? He thinks to himself but never did he consider it to be just some random stuff that he made up in his head and reality is different.

When he hear the news that Wataru participated in the actor test, he thought Wataru gave up on being an idols. Then went: "Well...look like he didn't want to be with me anymore. Look like he'll be come an actor."

Like...man, you made that up. You're sad because of your own thoughts then later on get confused when it isn't what actually happened.

This man is such a pathetic guy, I love him.

3. Song analysis:

Well well well, isn't it time *look at my watch*

Even though analysis 1 song would be great, I do, however, want to put 2 solo songs into this analysis then one.

Of course, we'll go slow and analyze one at a time, yet I can't stop but put both songs in one post because, in that way, we can see how both have changed, develop though still full of flaws, they have become something beautiful and will continues to grow.

Let's start with - SHINING STAR:

"A twinkling trace of a dream from beyond the horizon."

"Even though I understand...that it might just be an illusion"

Firstly, the name of this first solo is "SHINING STAR". It both mentions Wataru ( of course! ) and Eichi being the star.

But the two are described differently.

In these lines, mentions the appearance of an unknown shining star from beyond the horizon, a faraway star that shines bright.

But the more Eichi looked, as he thought it was all just a dream, an unreal feeling of this star that shine far in the sky. Because it was so beautiful, but how did he be able to find it here? Was it all way that close or was it all his imagination?

"Today with you, I continue to chasing it."

I said it already but let's say it again!

This man you're looking at is once a suicidal freak!!!

So gained enough confidence to live up to a "Today with you" is one thing, and actually find meaning in life "continue to chasing it" is another.

Because when you're in a state of depression, to once again find the meaning it life is HARD. When everything is already at its limit. When you can't feel anything anymore

Nothing but an empty soul, it hard. That is why depressing people don't do many things or everything at the same time. They try to find a way to continue living or decide to give up on everything.

Losing motive.

Yet Eichi was able to wake up and try to run away from this death of him. He might die from trying too hard, but he made the decision. To continue.

And who gave him the courage for this? Wataru! That is why, it was a "Today with you". Because Eichi still wants to see Wataru's show and witness the beauty of this magician.

I can't die yet! That's why he continues to fight. For everyone, for himself, but right at this moment, when the solo was released, at this moment, to him, Wataru was the first reason for he to continue.

As he's love for idols, pulls him back to life.

"Beautiful things are so fragile and ephemeral" "Permeating through your eyes, I reach out" "Oh, SHINING STAR"

Guys, I'll count from 1 to 3, guess who Eichi was singing about.

1, 2, 3!

Surprise no surprise! It was Wataru.

The shining star he mentions in some of the first lines, as it was far away but Eichi isn't that hopeless of a boy anymore, he shows signs of trying "I reach out".

He wants to be admitted and to be seen in his beloved idol's eyes. He wanted Wataru to see him and caught Wataru's attention.

Even if Wataru is already there for him, Eichi himself thinks otherwise, that he still has a long way to go. He can't just be at the winning spot without paying any price.

And for that, he was scared that he might hurt him. Like the things he did to Wataru friend, the Eccentric and the old Fine.

He was so scared of this beauty now coming so close to him "Beautiful things" he called it, the feeling he had when he was with Wataru, with the things he love yet never had a change to tough it is "fragile", this relationship can be broke if Wataru don't want to be with him anymore.

But, was Wataru's purpose for being here in was because of him or because Wataru wanted something from him.

He feels like the relationship they have is "ephemeral"

( if you are questioning: Ephemeral means lasting for a very short time )

"Underneath this starry sky" "An unknown neverending path continues"

My man is confusing

This depressing guy just recovered from his wound and was still a little confused over the new future he's facing ahead.

It's an unknown path, may be perilous, may be terrifying but he made his decision, he'll go on, he'll continue.

He knows that it will be uneasy. For he who thought that the next thing he'll be on is his deathbed, never knew someone would have the time and strength to take his hand and pull him out of that destiny deathbed.

His future was switched, and now he had to face a new unknown path that he knew nothing about.

"And for your sake" "I'll keep on shining"

"I'll be "SHINING STAR"."

And for the clown who needs a villain to lead his way, Eichi will continue to live until Wataru no longer wants him.

He wants to, no, he is a star, an unknown star that yet to be discovered. And after Wataru point it out for him, he understand that he is also some where far yet close to Wataru spot.

So, to catch that shining star attention, he'll have to be shining too!

Thought Eichi didn't seen to realize what it takes to become a real idol. His love for idols is endless and so does he's wish for a brighter future with Wataru.

And with that, for Wataru's sake, he keeps on living, shining bright as a star.

"Hiding your sorrow behind a smile" "You understand the pain of resistance" "A lifeless flower is blooming in the plains" "Such things make this world beautiful"

I will kill just to legally continue calling out these lyrics that Eichi sings about, all pointing to Wataru.

If you thought, yeh, Wataru can't be sad, he always looks happy. Then, my dear reader, you are wrong. Wataru can be blue sometimes, but it's hard to know since he just kept on smiling.

You can rarely find a moment where he puts down his mask, but it doesn't mean zero.

In Phantom Thieves and Detectives, after Knight and Ra*bit show, Wataru appears in the dark. But he seems...tired and doesn't really care to put on the face of a clown anymore.

This is not often, but there is also the time when Wataru points out other characters about the fact that they're wearing a mask too.

The reason Eichi can sing these lines is because he notices, he watches Wataru closely, for a long time, to the point he starts to realize that his beloved idols also have their flaws.

Since 2 lines are already about Wataru, so is the third!

The flower is Wataru, but instead of blooming anywhere else, he blooms "in the plains".

A primarily treeless place. In that way, it was easy to spot the flowers.

Standing on the bright stage, all along. The soulless flower bloom. It was beautiful, but the more you look, you'll find out, that this beauty is an empty one, it was a host but without a soul.

"Without hurting anyone, no dream can come true" "Without getting hurt, there's no way forward either"

"Oh, SHINING STAR"

Oh, I don't know, maybe in his household, he was being taught that you'll have to fight to win things over. Since he's a heir of a big rich household, of course, he gets the education to become one.

In this brutal world of humanity, to Eichi, the way he can win is through competition, fighting and sometimes you'll have to be tricky and stop playing nice when it doesn't seem to work.

He could have found a better way to make the school turn from bad to good, but it is not possible to win over such things without bloodshed.

With that in mind, turning the table by starting a war, and such education had already eaten into his brain from youth.

So in his way of seeing things, there are no dream if you don't stand up for a fight. If not pulling people down to get the first place in line, how can you do it? Nicely ask them to? Will they simply say yes or kick you down to the ground.

If you don't get hurt, you can't learn from it. And at the end of the day, you'll achieve nothing.

"As unbalanced as we are" "If we have different strides, let's join hands"

This part, this dam part *cry*

Wataru is a different star, and Eichi is a different star, yet Eichi is trying to reach out to him.

Silly science time! Did you know that two stars are really really far away from each other? Yes, the Sun is a star, but Earth, Mars, and others are planets, not stars.

Two stars can't be too close together.

The average distance between two stars in the Milky Way is around 5 light-years, or 29 trillion miles (47 trillion kilometers)

And even though all those constellations seem to a "standing close with other stars" and got connected into a line, they're in fact not, one might be far away from the other, yet they're all too far for our human eyes to know the difference.

Also, if you're wondering about the fact that two stars stand next to each other, they can but...they simply will pull themself close to the other and then go boom like a two-side car crash ( with both drivers being drunk a*s f*ck since they just get out from their daily local bar )

( it feels like that one time when I analyzed a Valkyrie song then ended up putting an whole a*s poem in it )

Yet, Eichi wants to get to Wataru, "Let's join hands", so we don't lose each other, so you would go too far away from me.

"The path ahead of you" "I shall light it up" "I'm your "SHINING STAR"."

Guy, no word needs to be said, you simply read and understand...

AAAAA, fine! I will *continue to cry my eyes out*, Eichi wants to light Wataru road ahead.

To Wataru, the little actor, the little clown. Eichi is out there, writing the script for him. Wataru want Eichi too, as at first he was unsure, but now? He wants to lead the way, he wants a future with Wataru.

So he'll light the way, he'll become Wataru's "Shining star".

"If you were to lose your way, I would certainly guide you back"

Like a lost ship in the sea, Eichi will be his lighthouse, leading Wataru back to land.

"You just need to believe me, and take a step forward"

I love you as my beloved idol, I love to show you're talent to the world out there, and let them know how beautiful you are. So please put your trust in me.

"Oh, SHINING STAR" "Our world is such a cold, yet kind place, continuing to revolve" "So in oder to arrive at a new tomorrow"

Eichi is still insecure about life, he had been taught that he'll have to stand up for himself. He had been taught that this place was cold and lonely.

Yet he was able to find love. Eichi was not so sure if that love would stay for long, but it did change him.

The world that he thought was a cold and terrible place was actually warm and full of joy.

He's not so sure to accept this love, despite that, he wants it to stay for as long as it can. Because of it, he was able to continue to live on, and arrive at the moment when he thought he was already dead by that time.

The lyrics repeat themselves, showing Eichi's determent to become a shining star, as bright as Wataru, so he can stay next to him.

"Oh, SHINING STAR" "Underneath this starry sky" "An unknown, neverending path continues" "And for your sake" "I'll keep on shining" "I'll be "SHINING STAR"."

AND NOW, Welcome our next Eichi's solo:

Crystal Pleasure !!!

Before we get into the analysis, I just want you to know. SHINING STAR had a soft and chill beat, it was slow and calm but also sad and a little misery once you read through the lyrics.

BUT HIS SECOND SOLO? Crystal Pleasure?

It had a jazz-like 90s vibe and such a happy beat! It shows his change, that he is no longer fighting for his life but actually filled with joy with the new and warm future where the path is now clear to him.

"Crystal Pleasure, let's burn some Crystal Pleasure into those eyes" "Crystal Pleasure, there's so many Crystal Pleasure, over and over again."

The beginning was POP!

Anyway, the first song was about shining stars, and this time, it Crystal.

Both are kira kira but one is up in the sky and one is down to the ground.

I got a little confused but I guess I'll use both meanings. Crystal doesn't just mean a type of gem or quartz, it too means glass, depending on the way you use it.

It is a "crystal quartz" but it can also be a "crystal clear glass".

If we're talking about the crystal gems that is, then the meaning is quite clean, since crystal is being used in decorating important places and objects.

To make something beautiful is to decorate it with shining gems.

The meaning/symbolization of those shining crystals is "transcendence and the light of the heaven". Yes, all over Eichi and Fine theme isn't it.

Now, I won't let you wait any longer, let's get into the song, shall we:

"The world is flooding with entertainment (competing for stardom)" "And as they compete, they become more and more extreme, wanting to be chosen" "Even so, those pure eyes remain as they seek" And all the white and black that I emit to be stared at dazzlingly"

It was not just about the idol industry, Eichi was trying to tell a story here.

That "they" was someone. Guess who? Wataru Hibiki!

The lines: "As they compete, they become more and more extreme" really stick out to me.

A silly jester, a genius, who wanted to learn from trick to trick and he was able to learn them quickly given that he was a kind of genius. An Eccentric member.

He is an actor, standing on stage, waiting for a director to choose him, to write him a script.

Eichi could feel the eyes of Wataru, which seek for a screenwriter, to write Wataru a brand new story, a brand new world.

Eichi then accepted Wataru's invitation and decided to be the one to give him his new plays. A new role, a new life, a new love.

"Let's take my hand because it's a miracle that I was able to meet you in the brightness" "And I hope to repose to that miracle of meeting you with my whole life ahead of me"

After all that time, after a suicide state of him, being saved by Wataru was like a gift from god. He knew that he had such a love for idols, that love almost died down, being forgotten but then Wataru came, reminding Eichi about why he was here in the first place.

"Meet you in the brightness" is like an angel, visiting Eichi by the window. The light from the window makes Wataru look bright, like the angel he is to Eichi.

Moreover, this line has some resemblance to the symbolization of crystal, remember it? It's "Transcendence and the light of the heaven" .

( What's that? Sound like the tiled of this song is already about Wataru? The whole song is! What can I say more than the homies are at it again!!!)

Wataru was his savior, and Eichi hoped that he could repay this gratefulness to him.

Here, it may be minor but it was a welcoming change! Knowing Eichi, he would likely try to repay Wataru with lots of stuff. His ways of love are to buy people things and make a big event just for something so small yet it was precious to him, so it was worth it.

Did I mention the fact that Eichi bought a WHOLD AS* pyramid for him just because Wataru joke? Yeh...I'm not lying.

But in this line: "hope to repose - with my whole life ahead of me"

It changes, somethings change. Staying with Wataru for long enough, his view of looking changes. Now, instead of buying him something, Eichi uses his life and quality time as a gift to Wataru.

Eichi "Buying things for you is want I want to, but then again, maybe, spending some time with you is the real meaningful gift" Tenshouin.

Also, a small detail but the "Let's take my hand" part, did you know that in Tempest, this adorable little detail takes place:

"I want to connect all the sparkling moments and make you happy" "Ah, as long as I am allowed to live, let me give you happy dreams"

The first line is when Eichi wants to give Wataru happiness, but the second? A little happy mix with sad.

"As long as I am allowed to live"

Eichi mentions his sickness, will the sickness kill him first or will he overcome it. He doesn't know, but as long as he's healthy, when he's still here, he'll do everything to make Wataru happy.

The times may run out, but before I die, giving you happiness is the thing that will satisfy my near-death soul.

To fulfill Wataru's dream is the first thing to do on his little bucket list.

"I think I know how to charm you ( this unyielding stardom )" "So if there's something I can do here, I vow to protect it"

Bit confused, but I read it ten times over and understood that Eichi finally accepted Wataru's love, he vowed to protect it, the love and hope that bloomed from this new relationship.

"Now, I want you to look forward to it, and determine the value with your eyes" "This dream, love, and freedom that I draw now became strong and full of color"

I would like to have a call back to another line in this song, it was "all the white and black that I emit" given that these lyrics are talking about the freedom of Eichi's soul.

From a soulless human with just black and white, now his world is "full of color", filled with love and hope, this dream that seems to be lost has come back to life.

"Let's visit you into the brilliance, towards the tomorrow you desire" "Let's be a little greedy, there's no need to hold back"

Eichi will give Wataru the stage to shine, into the world of light that Wataru wants.

This dream was never about Eichi, and that's what makes it about him.

Since the day Wataru saved him, his love of idols has once again come back to life. Being able to make Wataru's dream come true was Eichi's desire all along.

He views that his wish is a bit too greedy, knowing that it will take a tedious process, but he won't stop, he has been in the darkness for too long. Now he wishes to see the light and get used to it so it won't blind him.

The wish to see Wataru shining like a star with his own two eyes. So Wataru, please don't hesitate, though I'm quite the greedy, I hope you'll be happy to see me, staying here with you, your happiness is my light.

"Connecting the precious time, we are the protagonists on this stage" "While blessed by countless stars, let us sing our never-ending dreams"

So some of you may not know about this but, interesting information: Both Eichi and Wataru, one ( or 99 times more ) admit that they're the villain of the stage.

Yes! BOTH.

Eichi was in pain and after the war, he admitted all the faults he had and told himself that he was the evil villain of the show, even long after the war ended, he still thought it that way.

Wataru is a bit different, the exact time was never mentioned, but clues are all over the place. Wataru admitted to Tomoya that he usually plays the role of villain. And, it made sense since Wataru passed constraint to him being asked to play tricks, he likes to do tricks and magic, but the people, they always ask for more.

Wataru was scared, but he continued anyway, he continued to learn new tricks, but that was not enough

He didn't go mad and start taking the role of a villain though, it was never clarified. But I don't think that was the case, not at all.

Wataru was more likely to take the role of villain because he wanted to step back and out of the light of the stage. Of course, he is still there, but not in a heroic way anymore. He didn't mean to but he wished people to look away from him more often than before, though, in the end, it was quite the opposite, he made friends and lots of people admitted him.

Even Wataru never expect this to happen. In the "Phantom Thieves VS Detectives" story, Epilogue 3, he said this: "But believe it or not, the amount of friends and acquaintances I've made since entering Yumenosaki Academy have surprisingly increased in size."

They're both villain in their own story, but later on, after many hardships and challenges, they learn and understand.

The two are no longer the villains but the protagonist, the protagonist of a story where they get to stand together on the stage.

And with the Fine now, they'll stand together, with Tori and Yuzuru, sing the never-ending symphony of their dreams.

Here comes, my favorite:

"Determination alone is futile, but you are there, the one who saved me is you" "Because your passionate gaze gives me the meaning of life"

Eichi literally went: "Only by trying is not enough, if not for you who had saved me from the darkness, I would've been gone." to Wataru.

Also about how Wataru gives him the biggest motivation to keep living and doesn't "kick the bucket" due to sickness or several suicidal attempts.

And, it ends with other lines got repeated:

"Let's take my hand because it's a miracle that I was able to meet you in the brightness" "And I hope to repose to that miracle of meeting you with my whole life ahead of me" "I want to connect all the sparkling moments and make you happy" "Ah, as long as I am allowed to live, let me give you happy dreams forever"

"Crystal Pleasure, let's burn some Crystal Pleasure into those eyes" "Crystal Pleasure, there's so many Crystal Pleasure, over and over again."

Alright, this is the end of part 1, Eichi's solo song. We'll now move to part 2, which I'll make in another post.

So I want you to know that I wrote this with all my heart that I pulled out of my chest. I love them from the bottom heart of my.

I don't need you to forgive Eichi or forget what he did in the past, this whole analysis was not made for that purpose, I just need you to understand that he did, in fact, lots of bad things in the past and he got his punish, it a punish to live on, to learn and suffer with the future. But Wataru was there, helping him out, so he's not that scare anymore.

If anyone ask me to tell them they're homo but without telling them they're homo, I'll show them this long a*s paragraph ( I'm so proud of myself for writing this but also asking myself that I should be out there making money instead...but I'm feeling great after written this so...maybe it not that bad )

THANK YOU FOR READING!

Part 2 will be coming out soon? I mean, I'll put the link in if I finish it...hopefully...

[brave-and-gentle]

how would you describe jean's ideal type? what sort of personality do you think he gravitate towards?

Hello anon!! <3 Oooo I love this question. I could write about this for hours, I fear.

Before I launch head first into this, a disclaimer that these are my own thoughts based on my OC and jean x readers fics I've written - I welcome other's ideas and head canons! I'm going to write this response in a jean x reader style.

First off, Jean is our bi king - man or woman doesn't matter to him, as long as they're pretty. So that being said, I think Jean is superficially attracted to you at first. He's only human, after all. But what pulls him in deeper is your shy nature. Jean is a social butterfly, so he loves a chance to make someone else feel at ease. It means a lot to him that he becomes your "safe person" at parties or other social events. He can't help the massive grin on his face when you make a bee line to him because you're overwhelmed!

Now what *really* gets Jean going is when you reveal your hyper fixations to him. He loves a freaky one, by that I mean he'll listen to you prattle on about your favorite book series, show, video game, whatever it is that has captivated your mind. Even if he has no idea what you're talking about, Jean is completely entranced by you and your obsessions. He asks really good questions to learn more about what you love. If you ever let him see your Tumblr or ao3 account, he'd be your number one fan. Jean reads all your favorite books and watches your shows so he can keep up - he finds your variety of interests so endearing and he learns a lot from you.

Jean also loves someone with a little bite. Literally and figuratively. Figuratively: Jean loves that you can talk mad shit. He's so fucking nosy, he loves to debrief with you after a hangout with friends or a family gathering. Spilling the tea with you is the best! ALSO, he definitely gets a little turned on when you tag team on Eren when he's being a little shit. Jean loves someone that loves to hate on Eren as much as he does! You don't do it often because of previously said shy nature, but goddamn when you do, he's right there with you. When you let out a rare sarcastic/dry comment, he's laughing so hard he's crying.

Literally (warning for sexual content!): Jean is an Aries, so of course he loves someone that's a little aggressive in the bedroom. Ultimately Jean is a bit vanilla, but he likes someone that isn't afraid to bite (again, literally) or be the top. He thinks it's quite sexy when you're on top of him, but it usually doesn't last too long because he gets really turned on and flips you back over.

Our Jean boy is quite adventurous, so he loves that you tag along with him, even if you're scared or unsure. In fact, that's a huge turn on for him - seeing you conquer your fears and/or try something new with him. Having someone around that's so loyal means a lot to Jean.

FINALLY, this is so specific, but Jean considers himself a wine connoisseur, and unintentionally finds himself gravitating toward someone that doesn't have a clue about wine. It breaks his heart to see you drink box wine, but he actually loves the chance to take you to wine bars and school you.

IN CONCLUSION: Jean loves someone that's a little on the shy side, opens up to him about their hyper fixations, talks mad shit with him, is a little fiery, sticks with him even in scary/new situations, and has terrible taste in wine.

[modelbus]

Yk, library love is a really good fic... So a part 3 wouldn't kill anyone right ?

Right right…

I’m so glad people enjoy it though, it’s possibly my favorite thing I’ve written!

Pairing: Cc!Wilbur x Gn!Reader

Library Love Part 3

“What do you mean you didn’t even read the books?!”

Wilbur laughs at your outraged look, following you around the library while he waits for your shift to end. He tends to do this now, show up thirty minutes before you get out and bother you.

You love every second of it.

“I read some, but most I just randomly grabbed to keep talking to you.” He repeats.

“Wil!” You yell. “Other people could’ve wanted those!”

He just shrugs, still grinning at you. “Worked out in my favor anyways, didn’t it?”

Running a hand through your hair, you sigh. He’s right, it did work. But still… how long was he chasing you before you noticed?

Wilbur takes a book off your cart and places it back on the shelf for you. You go to grab the last one, but he beats you to it and also slots it into its place.

“Now that you’re done, we can go, right?” He asks, checking his watch.

“Why do you come if you’re so eager to leave?”

“I’m not eager to leave! And I like seeing you. So you’re good to go?”

“Yes, Wilbur. I’m good to go.”

“Great!”

He grabs your hand and starts tugging you along with him as you try not to trip over your own feet. His legs are longer than yours so he’s practically dragging you, but you’re both laughing like lovesick idiots.

Wilbur continues to drag you even when you’re outside of the library, leaving quite the sight for bypassers.

“Okay! Slow down! You’re going to kill me!” You finally say between laughs.

He exaggerates his sigh but slows his rushing. “I can’t believe I’m slowing for a tiny thing like you.”

For the record, you're not tiny.

“Hey! You’re the goddamn giant!”

“I will start running.” He threatens, and you hold your one free hand up in surrender.

The two of you lapse into a comfortable silence, where you enjoy the weather. Although you love the library with about half your heart (the other half was reserved for the guy next to you), you hardly ever got to enjoy the nice weather. Today it was perfectly sunny with the faintest of breezes ruffling the leaves of trees.

It’s a perfect day for whatever Wilbur has up his sleeve. Speaking of, you have no clue where he’s taking you. A week ago had been your one year, so you knew nothing special was happening today.

You’ve also been keeping up with his band after he introduced you, and there’s definitely no show today. Actually, you’re pretty sure you’ve met all his friends by now. Tommy was the first one he introduced you to, and you quickly realized why. The two were practically brothers. Thank God Tommy liked you.

Really, where is Wilbur taking you?

“Wil, where are we going?” You finally ask.

“You’ll see.” He hums.

“When?”

“When we get there.”

“Come on, where are you taking me?”

“Patience, darling.” His eyes sparkle with humor. He’s enjoying this! “You’ll love it, I promise.”

That doesn’t clear anything up. You love most things when it comes to him, even that time you had to help him patch a hole in his bedroom wall. It absolutely ruined your jeans that day, too.

But you go quiet, trusting him. He might lead you astray, but at least you’re going astray together.

Wilbur takes you down a path in the park, a place you two have been to a few times. You can’t really think of a reason he’d drag you here though. There’s nothing especially special in here.

A pond with some ducks might be the extent of the place. A well-loved pond, but just a pond.

“You’ve really confused me now.” You laugh.

“Good. Now I need to cover your eyes. You love me, right?”

“Right.” You immediately agree, but then grow suspicious. “Why are you covering my eyes?”

“For the surprise. Just go with it.”

So you do, allowing him to move behind you and cover your eyes gently with his hands. You’re a little hesitant when he tells you to start walking, but you do. Very slowly.

“Okay, pick up the pace.” He finally sighs.

“No! You’re covering my eyes!”

“Do you really think I’d let you walk into something?”

“Yes.”

“I’m telling you, I didn’t mean to let you walk backward off that pier!”

“And I don’t believe you!”

He huffs out a breath from behind you, making you laugh.

“Stop walking.”

You do, and he removes his hands from your eyes. The first thing you see is the pond. Obviously. It’s kind of a large pond.

But second, you see a blanket on the grass with a little picnic basket. He’s also set a deck of Uno cards out for the two of you to play. It was the first game you two played together, and it was a full-out war.

It’s adorable, and your jaw drops at the little haven he’s created here.

“Wil.” You breathe.

“Good surprise, right?”

“Best surprise!” You exclaim, turning around and pressing a kiss to his lips.

When you pull away, he’s grinning like an idiot. That smile he gives you hasn’t changed over the year, and you love it.

“Our one-year celebration was basic, so I one-upped it. A week after, so you wouldn’t suspect anything.” He explains, leading you to the blanket. “Will you do me the honor of eating with me?”

“Of course, Wil.”

(Later, you make the mistake of throwing a duck some lettuce while you two are eating. They descend upon you, chasing the both of you out. It’s still the best picnic you’ve ever had.)

[arcane-strangeness]

alright, why the FUCK is no one talking about the new demo for the game Fractured Mind by ACID

You start in the car of a train, deep beneath the earth in some sort of metro, you assume. You walk forwards, find a gun abandoned on a seat, and pick it up. There's something wrong here, wrong, as you walk through the doors opposite from you and find yourself in the room you just left. You take a minute to examine your surroundings, reading posters and checking flyers, and as you walk through the next door things have Changed in your surroundings. its minor at first, posters are different, things are a little dirtier, and then a few cars later suddenly there's blood on the walls, splattered across the ceiling. A few more and everything reverts back to "normal", and the speaker on the wall next to you crackles to life, detailing the gruesome murder committed by a seemingly ordinary man in a news report type fashion. You trek forwards, taking in all the little details, and suddenly, you're not alone anymore

People, unmoving, with their faces pixelated out like they're on security camera footage populate the next car. you expect them to move, and jump out at you, as gorror games tend to do, but they never move, so you press cautiously onward. the blood returns, this time lining up behind these "people" and the speaker once again begins to make noise, calling you over and over again.

you are a goddamn murderer. you are a goddamn murderer. you are a goddamn murderer. you are a goddamn murderer.

with the gun in your hand, maybe you are a murderer.

it loops, tone and cadence slightly different every time. still you press onward, even as the seats begin to clip in and out of reality, poles twisted over like some hulking creature threw a tantrum. even as the "people" suddenly turn to look at you, pixelated masks gone and wide smiles on their faces, even as the floor becomes a writhing mass of blood and guts, even as bloodied figures begin to haunt you, even as the lights go out.

this truly is a nightmare

as far as gameplay goes go there is a reason this game is a demo right now, it has some major polishing that needs to be done in terms of bugs. but graphics animation and sound design are PERFECT. it really does feel like a nightmare in the way that everything seems to twist around you, all dimensions just slightly off. and its scary, the few jumpscares there are, really got me in just how overwhelming they are. you see, the game is quiet, quiet in humming lights and low ambiance. it feels like you're on a train, late at night, with no one else around. so when something vaguely flesh colored and humanoid jumps at you and screams for far longer than it should, after 15 minutes of near silence, its horrible. I love it. and the implied story is fantastic, but I wont spoil more than I already have here. you really have to put the puzzle pieces together. and I think what really makes this game a good game is just how uncomfortable it makes you. in every car you need to check every little detail in order to gather clues, and in cars where there are incredibly uncanny "people" staring at you, or spasming uncontrollably, that is the last thing you want to be doing. but it makes you get up close and personal, if you miss something you simply walk through the next doors to find you right back where you were. it loops. all in all I cannot wait for the full release to come out this seems very, VERY promising.

[thesoundofmadness]

HIIIIIIIiiiiii it’s @mrfartpowered I just need you to know that ur band au is literally eating my brain. It lives in there, dude. It’s like a second canon to me 😭😭 the angst is SOOOOOO so so tasty I’m actually such a fiend for the tension and drama……and giving levander the role size he deserves ?? CHERRY ON TOP (chefs kiss) if u ever wanted to talk more abt that I would looooove love love to hear :3333

omg thank you im glad you like it so much <3 i have so many ideas for the band au that makes no sense to anyone but me

speaking of nonsense that makes sense to no one but me, do you want some randyverse ideas i have? here's some ideas. human nomicon my beloved putting this under a read more. i've been thinking about this again

I have a lot of thoughts about the ninja nomicon during all this

So there's 4 different nomicons. OG Nomicon, which OG Randy has. Band Nomicon, which is with the band ninja. Swap Nomicon, which is being evil in the swap au. and guide nomicon, which is with the guide ninja in the guide au.

Band Nomicon has all of Band Randy's memories, though it and the band Ninja are completely irrealvant. They don't show up at all. Guide Randy suggested that they don't get the band ninja involved in this whole multiverse thing because. what are they gonna do about it?

Swap Nomicon probably ends up teaming up with evil juilan to destroy everything

OG Nomicon has. absolutely 0 goddamn clue what's going on. Nothing like this has ever happened before. It's struggling Hard to comprehend that there's alternate universes.

It... doesn't really trust Guide Randy, thanks to what happened with Mac Antfee. Probably tries to mind wipe him every time he goes inside it.

Levander had no clue about the ninja nomicon, so when he sees OG Randy go into the nomicon for the first time, he thought he died.

i have a more specfic idea for guide au nomicon. here it is

So, guide au. a stanking happens, guide randy and the ninja go to investigate it, guide randy falls into the multiverse

While he's stuck in the band au, the Ninja and the Nomicon have. NO goddamn clue where he went. As far as they know, he's not in the realm of shadows, but he's alive.

They... really don't know what to do about it. the Ninja can't go after him if they don't know where he went. the Nomicon has NEVER had a student just. outright disappear before. It's had students do stupid stuff, get hurt, mind wipe, etc but never just disappear.

The ninja does try looking for him around Norrisvile, thinking the portal might have been like, a portal from the video game portal. but no dice.

Well, they can't just let Randy lose his job as a teacher. So, Ninja suggests to the Nomicon maybe making some kind of clone of him to pose as him until he comes back.

NomiRandy is. NOT down for it. outright tells the ninja to fuck off at even suggesting such a thing.

Ninja turns to the Nomicon and is like, "maybe you can pose as Mr. Cunningham until he comes back? I mean, if you can give Nomirandy a body, maybe you can give yourself one?"

Nomicon is... hesitant to do so, but it ultimately agrees to act as Randy. It shapeshifts itself to look like him using the art of disguise.

The thing is, Nomicon is a book. It doesn't understand human stuff very well, despite being filled of memories from humans. 14-18 year old humans.

Nomicon essentially just. gets into a bunch of trouble and pins it onto Randy's name. Payback for all the stupid shit he did as the ninja.

At school, the Nomicon tries to follow the Ninja around, but it's like Ninja: No, Nomicon you gotta stay in Mr. Cunningham's classroom. You can't follow me everywhere. Nomicon: ?????? But you're the ninja?? I have to stay with you. It's my duty to teach you the ways of the ninja. Ninja: I know, but no one else knows that. I know you're the nomicon. but right now, everyone thinks you're Mr. Cunningham. Nomicon: But... I have to stay with you. Ninja: I know but... look, just stay in his classroom until school's over. I'll be back as soon as I can. Nomicon:... What am I meant to do? I-I've never done this before... Ninja: uh... I don't know. Do what teachers do. Maybe grade some papers? Nomicon's angrily sitting at Randy's desk, getting anxious like it's husband just went off to fight the war when the Ninja is 3 classrooms away.

Randy's known as one of the cooler teachers at the school. He lets students skip in his class as long as their work is done in whatever class their skipping, doesn't give out homework, and is just chill overall. One student reguarly skips in his class, and they try to tease the nomicon.

Student: Come on, Sensei, aren't I you're favorite student?

Nomicon:.... you're not the ninja

Student: HUH

Nomicon acts stand-off-ish around the other teachers, which is weird bc Randy's usually friendly and respectful to everyone. It asks one student what it's supposed to be teaching, (randy teaches either japanese, english, or art. entirely depends what i feel that day), doesn't take attendance, and just acts strange all around.

Instead of teaching anything actually useful, Nomicon teaches the regular students some wild shit, like how to make a smokebomb or how to build a boobytrap. The students are absolutely down for it, the rest of the staff... not as much.

Word eventually gets around to the Principal of 'Randy's' weird behavior. the Principal is another OC of mine. He took over after Slimovtiz retires and is friends with Randy. Principal relies on him to deal with all the weird shit around the school, and they hang out after work sometimes. Dude has NO clue Randy's working with the Ninja, tho.

Principal: So I've been hearing some, rather concerning stuff about you these past few days. You haven't been as friendly with the rest of the staff, you haven't been teaching the curriculum, and I'm sure you know the rest. Now, I know you're not exactly the most strict teacher but... is everything okay? Nomicon: uhhhh yep!! Everything is fine!! I'm totally not an 800 year old book posing as my previous student who randomly disappeared and possibly died!! Nope, not at all!1 Principal:.... what -

Principal: I... hate to ask this, but I have to, just to be safe. You're not on any substances, are you? Nomicon:... What do you mean by substances?

Principal: Drugs or alcohol or anything of the sort. You've said before you don't take anything, but I just need to be sure. Nomicon: Oh I'm on all of the drugs *among us sus sound*

Nomicon's trying to act like randy based off of it's 14-18 year old memory of him. It's not going well. only reason he's not fired is because the principal doesn't tell the school board about it.

Guide Howard has, no clue about any of this. Before he disappeared into the multiverse, Guide Randy told him he had a work thing to take care of.

Howard tries to reach out to him. He tries texting and calling, no response. He goes over to Randy's house, he's not there. He goes to the school, only to find the Nomicon.

Nomicon... doesn't recongize him at first. While the nomicon sees Randy almost daily, it hasn't actually seen Howard since graduation.

Howard: dude where have you been? I've been looking for you EVERYWHERE Nomicon, leaning over to the Ninja: who is that

Nomicon tries to keep up the act for a bit, but Howard sees through it almost immediately. Ninja tells him what happened, and Howard is PISSED.

"Are you serious? He told me he had a work thing! *long, deep sigh* goddammit, Randy..."

Guide Howard is worried sick like a mom watching their kid go to college, while Guide Randy is totally fine, trying to learn how to dance in place of band randy while band randy is MIA.

I imagine the guide bros also have some drama to them. Howard's supportive of Randy still sticking with the ninja, but Randy pushes him away because he doesn't want him to get hurt, and doesn't want to be a burden on him. may or may not lead guide randy being corrupted later. who knows

i have thought about this. too much

[jamiesfootball]

i simply must know what are you thoughts on The Dutchman

Personality-wise? As just a little dude who lives on a boat? Seems like a chill guy. I like the way he says 'gezellig'. The actor read his scenes with a wonderful, expressive earnestness and I think he did a lovely job.

Narratively-wise in the context of Amsterdam? Mixed in a few ways. I see what they were trying to do, but I don't think they executed it cleanly. The pilot / lightning clues didn't feel organic. After watching the episode, I saw a lot of people online talking about how it was clearly referencing Roman Holiday--a movie I have not seen. My personal opinion when it comes to media referencing media is that you have to be thoughtful of how someone who's not familiar with it will interpret it. In this case I think they prioritized painting the story they wanted to tell, but in doing so they forgot to take into account how an unfamiliar watcher would primarily view the scene from the pov character's logic, in this case Rebecca.

Narratively-wise in the context of Amsterdam an the finale? When the finale aired I think my response was, "Oh. Okay then." I wasn't wowed by it. The storytelling tactics they used were solid but not necessarily satisfying. Then the longer I thought about it, the more I was annoyed. The psychic storyline just wasn't very good. It started out with a strong swing, but the longer it went on the more I forgot it was happening. If I put all of the pieces of the 'clues' together, there's no single story running through the reveals, no escalation of the stakes via narrative or emotions. They just kind of happen one after the other. They introduced this tension with Rebecca realizing that she was unsatisfied with this part of her life and then she...well, aside from looking into the physical possibility of giving birth, she didn't do anything did she? Everything after that was just the plot happening to her. She finds a clue, makes a shocked face, and then goes about her day. The plot just happens to her.

This is additionally frustrating because there were many ways that plot could have gone. She could have actively decided to adopt. The narrative could have turned it back around to a 'if you're pursuing what you want, eventually it will find you' storyline and had her actively seek out the opportunities that would allow her to build a family. It could have--and here's an actual twist--actually been the first show I could think of where the main character actively wrestles with the fact that she's too old to have kids and learns to make peace with it without ever being mocked by the narrative for being less than. It could have taken the easy stance of just 'fuck psychics, they're all frauds'.

Just to be clear my gripe is not that she fell in love with a random dude on a boat. My gripe is that the narrative set this up as something not-random, something meant to happen, and then stripped all agency from the character in how to get there.

She didn't even fall in the river for a good reason! The accident wasn't even for Rebecca-driven reason! She dropped her army soldier in and jumped in without thinking! She was on the phone with Keeley, who said something like 'blargh! I'm right behind you!', and when Rebecca turned around too fast she fell in! She saw a goddamn Richmond ghost and got spooked! Even a crumb of agency would have made it seem like an experience Rebecca alone was meant to have.

The one thing I think was just lovely, absolutely heart-stabbing, was that they got the actress that played young Rebecca to also play her (implied future) daughter. But that had nothing to do with the Dutchman or the plot. That was just inspired casting.

So what to I think of the Dutch Boat Guy?

Eh. He's fine.

Additional note: I have mentioned this before that the day Amsterdam aired I had just listened to a four hour podcast episode about Jeffrey Dahmer, a serial killer who's MO was luring people back to his house and then drugging him. This made watching the Dutchman scenes WILDLY UNCOMFORTABLE. Not knowing that they were referencing another movie did not help this fact.

[pebblewritesj]

THREE - Skin and Bones

Chapter three of my Wattpad story, Look at Yourself, Bowie! If you want to read more the rest is on Wattpad under the user Jaomixi, forty chapters have been released so far!

--- Mari woke up around 10:00 a.m that morning, forgetting completely where she promised to be later that afternoon until she got a call from John about an hour later.

"I'll pick you up around 8:30." He said, leaning back on his sofa. Yoko was just getting up, fixing herself a pot of coffee.

She paused, eyebrows furrowing in confusion, "What for?" she asked.

"The party, Christ," His speech ran into a slight mumble as his face strayed from the telephone for a moment, "Losing your head."

"Right! The party. If I told you I was too sick to go, would you believe me?"

"Ah, don't play that shite, I know you too well to-"

"Oh, I was only joking," she smiled, crossing her legs as she reclined on her seat.

John gave a sarcastic laugh, "Ha-ha, you're very funny,-"

"What's got you all grumpy this morning, Lennon?" she asked, a small smile still on her face as she took a sip of her drink and put it back where it laid on the coffee table.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I ran into the press this morning on my way home from going to the shop to get a few things. I get so tired of their goddamn questions! 'John! John! When's the Beatle reunion?' 'John, What came first, the chicken or the egg?'"

His last words grew quiet as he strayed away from the telephone once again, though he could still hear Mari laugh through the line. 

"I see. I didn't think the press would even recognize you anymore if you didn't have Yoko next to you, that's all they care about anymore. They hate to see a happy couple." Mari said, shifting in her seat.

"I'm just tired of it."

Mari paused for a moment, thinking of anything else she might have left to say before ending the call.

"Did you ever figure out who would be there? At the party, I mean."

John thought for a split second, gathering his thoughts and burying his frustration, "Only a few. I called Mick, said he'd be there, called Elton, said he'd be there, and then I got tired of talking over the phone so I didn't call anyone else."

Mari nodded, she'd never met Elton John, but she knew he was a very close friend of John, she also, of course, thought he was a very talented musician.

"Right, good to know. Hope I don't embarrass myself like I did last time I went to one of these."

John tilted his head, curious, "What happened the last time you went to one?"

"David Johansen of the New York Dolls came up to me and tried to start a conversation."

"What'd you say?"

"I didn't know who the hell he was!"

John laughed as Mari continued, "Literally had never in my life heard of New York Dolls, I asked him what he sang and he was like, 'oh I'm in New York Dolls', I thought he was trying to sell me something."

__

John and Mari arrived at the party at around 9:00, John still had no clue who's house they were at, he was barely even sure they were at the right one until he saw all the expensive cars lined up at the side of the house.

Mari'd had a hell of a time figuring out what she was going to wear, finally settling on a bra-like top, bell bottoms and a flowy cardigan, the clogs she decided to wore clicked with every step the two took towards the entrance of the home until they finally arrived, knocked on the door, and before John could knock again Keith Richards opened the door.

"Keith!" Mari said, grabbing the man's attention. The two moved in for a hug, as Keith moved back from the embrace he looked at the two, urging them to come inside.

As the two walked in, Mari could barely hear John ask Keith who was there-- though she saw them before she heard the names come out of his mouth. She saw record executives and producers here and there, some dancers as well, none of whose name she could remember. In the corner she saw Edie Sedgwick, Cher, Elton John, the usuals. Of course, there was every Rolling Stone, Mick Speaking with Billy Preston and a slightly dazed Bob Dylan. 

After getting over the fact she was in the same room as Bob Dylan, someone else caught her eye as he lounged on the sofa talking to the lead member of The Stooges, Iggy Pop, who sat on the coffee table in front of the sofa: David Bowie.

John had finished speaking with Keith by this time, he looked at Mari as he noticed she wasn't moving. He followed her eyes directly to the red haired men that sat on the sofa, twirling a small glass of alcohol in his hand.

"You want me to put in a word for you?" John said jokingly, stretching his arms back.

Mari broke out of her starstruck state, looking back at John. 

"What're you on about?" She said, though she knew exactly what he was on about.

"You know exactly what I'm on about."

"No I don't!" She smiled, avoiding eye-contact with the man. 

"Well you can't just stare at him, you'll scare him!" he said, beginning to walk in front of Mari so they wouldn't be right in front of the door.

She rolled her eyes, a smile still prominent on her face as she trailed behind him, "I'll talk to him later." she laughed, watching John's eyebrows shoot up.

"Yeah right," he said, scoffing while a smile still lingered on his face.

She rolled her eyes and laughed at him, sparing another glance at Bob Dylan here and there she spotted Mick Jagger walking over to where the two stood.

"John!" he said, pulling him into a hug, doing the same with Mari.

Mari couldn't remember the last time she'd seen Mick, though every time they saw each other, conversations would flow like water.

"I didn't think you liked going to things like this, eh Mari?" Mick said, drink in hand.

"I don't, thanks to some of you lot," She smiled, nodding towards Mick as they both began to laugh.

"Where the hell are you people getting your drinks? I can't see through the crowd!" Mari asked, dying for a drink. Mick looked back, the turned around.

"Ah, just come with me."

She nodded, following behind him, God knew where John managed to run off to by then. Finally, Mick successfully led her to a table full of different drinks, even water, which she was hardly expecting. She wouldn't drink too harshly, she didn't want to get drunk and embarrass herself-- but that didn't mean she wouldn't drink.

She grew indecisive, looking at all the bottles laid out on the table. She finally just grabbed a beer and moved on. She turned around to see Mick saying something to Bob Dylan. Realizing Mari finally picked a drink, whatever they were saying to each other came to an end as Mick turned back to face the woman and Bob grabbed another drink and began to walk away, stopping to talk to other people.

"I love Bob Dylan." she mumbled to him so the man in question wouldn't be able to hear.

"Is that so?" Mick said, leaning back on the counter behind him.

"Yeah, I had Dylan posters all over my wall back in secondary, my parents thought I was a maniac."

Mick looked back to Bob, watching as the curly-headed man spared the two once more glance as before he walked away.

"I think he heard you." Mick said, laughing as her eyes widened, "I'm only joking."

She playfully hit Mick, sighing in relief.

--

Later in the night, Mari was looking for John. She figured he'd be ready to go by then, it was about 12:00, though she did hate to leave without speaking a word to hardly anyone, other than The Rolling Stones and Cher. More people had arrived since the whole thing first started, it was so crowded, she doubted she'd ever be able to find him.

After around ten minutes of searching the whole two story house full of people, she decided she'd go to the bathroom where it wasn't as crowded.

She knocked on the door, but she wasn't able to hear if it was occupied or not. She looked towards the bottom of the door, not seeing that a light was on, so she opened the door and went in. She let out a breath of relief, seeing that it was in fact not being used. She shut the door and locked it, she didn't have to use the bathroom, even if she did she wouldn't, still not knowing whose house she was even in, but instead she checked her reflection in the mirror.

Her crimson lipstick had been smudged, the lip gloss she'd originally been wearing was long-gone, her hair was all messed up, and the eye makeup she'd worn was smudged. She looked herself up and down, cursing under her breath as she took the cardigan she was wearing into her hands. Something had ripped a small hole into it. 

She sighed, tired, when all of a sudden something heavy hit the door. She jumped, confusion and concern hitting her when she had trouble opening the door due to the weight of something holding it closed.

Once she had it opened enough to be able to look down and see what might be causing her trouble, she saw David Bowie's body against the door, presumably unconscious. She almost panicked, but quickly calmed herself down. When She finally got the door open enough to slide out of the bathroom, she examined the man. She considered walking away, stuff like that was normal at these sorts of things, until she saw that he was still awake.

She gasped, her eyes widening as she realized the situation. David looked up to her with half lidded, red, and swollen eyes-- he was trying to tell her something. She leaned down enough so she could hear him, then finally understood.

"Help me, please," he pleaded, his voice was weak and his eyes were brimming with tears, "I can't stand."

She grasped the man's arm, helping him stand up, continuing to do so as he put half of his weight onto her side as she did her best to support him. At this point, John would have to figure out she was gone, quite clearly she couldn't look for him anymore.

As she and David finally got out the house, she looked to the man hunched over on her shoulder.

"What car do you drive?" she asked him.

"Mercedes Benz..." he muttered, "it's black."

It was one of the closest ones to where they stood. 

She walked the dazed man over to the car, "Can I have the keys?"

David didn't care enough to consider the consequences of giving this woman, who he'd never spoken to, the keys to his Mercedes, nor was he even in the state of mind to realize the possible consequences.

"Left pocket." he muttered, his words slurred.

She looked down and, hesitantly and carefully, took the keys out of his jean pocket and unlocked the car doors as David finally slipped consciousness, the sudden dead weight piling on her and causing her to nearly lose hold of the man. She carefully laid him down in the back seat, closing the door to the car. 

Mari stopped suddenly, sighing as she processed the situation she found herself in. Everything happened so suddenly, along with all the things she now had to deal with for the rest of the night. John wouldn't know where she'd gone, hopefully someone saw her leave. She'd have to call the next morning to tell him what happened. 

She got in the drivers seat of the car and began to drive. She didn't know where he was staying, so she would have no other option other than for him to stay in the spare bedroom at her house. She embraced the silence throughout the ride home, the first time in hours that she was able to do so. Every now and then she would take a look at David through the rear-view mirror, after a while taking notice of his malnourished appearance, she doubted this was the first time something like this had happened, though she hated to assume something so negative.

She hated to bring him back to a place he wouldn't recognize in the morning, she couldn't imagine the stress of waking up and not knowing where you are or what you did the night before, but she had no other choice. 

Finally arriving at her home, she got David out of the car and into the spare bedroom. She wouldn't have been able to carry him at all if he wasn't so weightless. She put a blanket over him and shut the door. Sighing, she took a quick shower and went to bed, God knew what the next morning would be like, though this surely isn't anything like how she expected her day to end.

[chocolatespyro]

chikn nuggit spoilers in Lint's speech bubble if you care about that

I absolutely love and adore that trope of a character literally going off about something that only they care enough about to someone else who has no fucking clue what the hell is going on but is in for the ride anyways (usually in annoyance or complete and absolute hatred)

It's so goddamn funny but yeah sometimes I talk a lot about stuff and it's all just horrible word vomit for the next person to try and piece together lmaoooo. fun fact this is a legitimate thought/thing I wanted to write out or tell someone because. I follow chikn nuggit lore now I guess???

I'll put a text version down here at some point today so people can actually read my nightmare-inducing rambling of thoughts anyways

Also the other object guy is also my character lol he's an emu egg

Not gonna put this in main tags except for my art tag bcus this is just so dumb so yeah HJGHHFU

Lint: yeah so like, instead of making bezel open a body-horror esque mouth like with i-scream they should've just made it so that when cofi asks bezel how he eats the fucker just spins the hands on his clock and the music gets slower and distorted as the audience watches the food crumble and rot away from age. And then you look at Cofi and she is literally like "what" as it cuts to her being visibly older like WOULDNT HAVE THAT BEEN SO MUCH MORE SCARY??? BUT ALSO SUPER FUNNY AT THE SAME TIME???? like you have this terrifying god creature and you DON'T do something like that with him??? HUH??? Like. There 2 are on completely different power levels and yet they eat the same? That's so lame. Plus this opens up the opportunity for more questions to be asked and a question as to exactly HOW powerful is this guy. Plus the fact that he doesn't eat normally which is just????????? it would make him seem more interesting and alien and disconnected from the other characters more than he already is plus the implications that he CAN STEAL TIME from anyone in the immediate vicinity. it's less literal body horror but more psychological and existential dread (am I using those words right???) but the horror that he can literally just do this at any time and that he can and has before it's legitimately insane plus the fact that he barely has to even move a finger to do this too. Plus the fact that he's discreetly manipulating chikkn nugget behind the scenes to try and make chikn realize he's a god n stuff I just think it'd fit his motif much better. Because time is so much less of a physical thing and I think bezel represents that. also why are there no bezel "ruler of everything" edits

Emu Egg: dude i have literally no idea what you're talking about

[hunibeabecrazy]

I'm not sure if you being completely unresponsive is intentional, but I'm just going to assume it is…

If I did something wrong I'd rather know and fix it than be left in the dark, I don't know if I've been clingy or over stepping by messaging you so frequently but I have been worried, I don't look at your private twitter so if said something there I don't have a goddamn clue…

I am completely unaware as to what's going on with you, I have only heard you're sick because other people have told me and I'm frustrated sure, but more importantly I'm worried

I'm worried that I hurt you, that you're in danger, that maybe you hate me and I feel this way every time you drop of the face of the earth without even telling me that you’re going to do that…

I don’t know if, god, we should interact at all… if you do come back, do message me that I shouldn’t respond I should avoid you

I am so tired of caring so much and feeling like I lose you so often, it has to be I’m fucking up in some way

I swear, I ask if you’re okay if what I did hurt you and you say no, and if that’s not you being honest well, I’m trying

I need full transparency, I can’t read your mind, if you want to say “I don’t want you to talk to me again” for the love of god say “I don’t want you to talk to me again”

I love you a lot, I care about you a lot, and it hurts a lot

I am going to come back just as excited and in love when you do talk to me again though, because distance does make the heart grow fonder

I’m sorry, I’m really sorry that we’re both such messes and I have the fucking audacity I could “help” you when I can’t keep my self together

My thoughts are all scattered, I’m switching mood every time I enter in a comma

I love you, I’m mad at you, I feel sorry for you, I want to apologize, I want to blame you I can’t fit everything I feel into a novel