#even if i forgive her i can't forget what she's said. what she's done. how she's impacted my life and my brother's negatively despite

[xiaofiaan]

always shit like this that has me feeling unbearably guilty for my choices and future actions

[smoooothoperator]

What Was I Made For?

08: Technical Difficulties

Charles Leclerc x driver!OC (Dafne Morelli)

childhood enemies, forced proximity, accidental pregnancy, enemies to lovers

Warnings: angst, two idiots fighting again

a/n: Hiii, so, I had a little writers block but it's completly fiiinee.... I hope you guys llike this chapter! This week maybe you won't have a new chapter because this weekend I have a competition, so if you want to suggest things or even sending me some love I would appreciate it so much!

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Tuscany was a place that brought me inner peace, childhood memories, a sense of safety.

It reminds me of the summers I spent with my grandma, sneaking into the kitchen to watch her make homemade pasta and pizza. It reminds me of being free and knowing that here I am my own person, that I can be myself and not a racing driver. 

When my grandma passed away, she left this house for my sisters and I, leaving my mother with other properties, knowing how much this house meant for us and how many memories this place holds. Here we had first kisses, first love… Every inch of this house has our signature with small details: a wall piano where I used to sit with my dad to play it, a pottery jar my sister Soleil made, a painting made by my sister. 

This house is my place, my safe space, my sanctuary. 

And yet there he is, stepping into my space when no one asked him to be here, turning my life upside down as always with his selfishness. 

“You have to leave” I said firmly, placing a protective hand over my belly.

“I want to talk, Dafne… please” he sighed, not tearing his eyes away from my swollen belly, making me turn around and walk towards the couch I occupied before he showed up.

“There's nothing to talk about, Charles” I sighed. “You've done enough. Leave me alone”

“I won't” he frowned, following me, making me hug myself. “I won't leave. Not this time-”

“Can't you see that the only thing you do is ruining my life?” I snapped, turning around to face him. “Look at what you have done! This is your fault!”

“I know!” he exclaimed, making me clench my jaw. “I know! And I'm so sorry!”

“Saying sorry won't fix this” I frowned, pointing at my belly. “Saying sorry won't make me have my career back. Saying sorry won't make me hate you less”

He clenched his jaw, but never looked away. He stayed where he was, looking at me all the time, following me with his eyes.

“I'm not leaving until you hear me” he frowned, making me groan while I sat on the chair.

“You think you can just show up here and try to be in my life after everything you did? After the panic attacks, the harassment, the constant media hounding?” I frowned. “You made me lose a man I really wanted to be with. Sebastian is more man than you, he tried to put back the broken pieces of my heart after the disaster you made. And then I had to see his heart breaker when I told him that this baby wasn't his but yours. You have an idea of how much that hurts?”

His eyes filled with regret as he clenched his jaw, but I couldn't let myself feel sorry for him. I have to be strong. For me. And for this baby.

“I know I've made mistakes” he sighed, and before he talked again he took a few deep breaths closing his eyes. “But I'm here to make things right. I came to talk things and fix this”

“You can't fix this” I said, pointing between us, fighting the tears. “You can't just show up and expect things to be okay. It's too late”

“Please Dafne…” he begged, taking a few steps closer. “I'm not asking for forgiveness right now, I just… Just give me the chance to be here, for you. For our baby”

“Our baby” I repeated bitterly. “This isn't about you, Charles! The world doesn't turn around you! This time is about me and what I need. And what I need right now is to have you away from me”

He stayed silent, with his eyes moving from my belly to my eyes. For a moment, I thought he really was going to leave. I saw him close his eyes slowly and take a deep breath, I saw that tic he has in his jaw whenever he's nervous. For a few seconds I felt relieved, thinking he was going to turn around and walk out of the backyard.

“I'm not leaving” he said, opening his eyes again. “I'm going to stay until you believe that I mean what I said. Until you decide to fix things and speak”

“You are so stubborn!” I exclaimed, frustrated. “Why can't you just respect my wishes?”

“Because I care about you, okay?” he exclaimed back, raising up his arms. “Why do you think I came here? I waited patiently until you came back to the factory, but you never came. I was going crazy because you weren't giving signals if you were alive or not. You didn't even make a statement about you retiring!”

“Do you think that's easy?” I mumbled. “Why do you think I came here? Why do you think I didn't say anything? Because this is hard for me, Charles! You have an idea how embarrassing it is for me to say you can't race anymore because you are going to be a mother? Do yu have an idea of how many times I had to answer to multiple people that I wanted to focus on racing when they asked me about my future plans, about making a family?”

“I…” he sighed.

“You have it easy” I said pointing at him with my hand. “You can keep racing, you can have as many kids as you want, after all you won't have to carry them for nine months. But I have to carry this baby, Charles. I can't race anymore, my body won't be the same”

“And I'm sorry for that, it's my fault” he sighed.

“Yes, it is” I scoffed. “If there's one to blame here it's you. I did nothing wrong. Just because you decided to not use a condom and be drunk”

“You were drunk too” he tried to attack back, but he stopped looking at the floor. 

I stood up and turned around and hugged myself, looking at the sunset and taking a deep breath.

“You can stay the night” I said. “But I want you out of here before I wake up”

“Dafne-”

“No” I stopped him. “Right now you only bring me pain. If you want to fix things, go back in time and go to your hotel room instead of mine”

Laying in bed, now more than ever, only brought memories.

The room that always has been mine changed all over the years. My grandma inherited this house from her father, who was something like the lord of the land. It's a big house, and when my mother had Erica and then me, she decided that she wanted to give us a room for ourselves, making my mother know that this building was also ours.

My room was decorated the moment my mother knew she was pregnant with me, and it started to get shape as I was getting older. The bed changed a few times, the shelves were full of books and plants, the wardrobe had summer clothes, the walls were filled with pictures of all the places I had been in my life. 

This room it's my sanctuary more than the house itself.

And knowing that Charles is at the other side of the door, as many other times, makes me want to stay here safe.

I heard him walking around the house like he owned it. After all, he spent many summers here, he knows where the things are here. I heard him walk in the kitchen downstairs, making something for dinner. I heard him sneeze and yawn.

He really won't leave.

I sat on the bed, rubbing my belly softly while looking out the window, taking deep breaths when I felt my cat walking towards me.

“What should I do?” I whispered, looking at my cat.

The day I found out I was pregnant wasn't the best day of my life. I had a crash that made me fall unconscious, I pushed away a man I knew I could fall in love with and be with him, I disappointed my parents.

I sighed, rubbing my belly softly, something I found myself doing more than I wanted. And somehow, I liked feeling it. I liked feeling that I was growing a human in me, it made me feel stronger than ever. If only this baby was from the man I love…

The door opened slowly, making me turn my head towards him. He had a hand on the handle and the other on the door frame, looking at me, watching how I had my sweater raised up so I could feel the skin of my stomach.

“Eh… I made dinner” he said, with his eyes fixed on me.

“Good for you. What do you want, pats on your back? A trophy?” I answered sarcastically.

“I want you to eat dinner” he frowned. 

“No, thank you. I won't eat something you made” I scoffed. “And I'm not hungry”

“Oh my God, can you stop?” he frowned. “I just want to apologize, make things right! And you make it very hard for me!”

“So? I think I made it pretty clear that I don't want to have you here” I frowned. 

“And what are you going to do, raise that kid alone? It's mine too, I have every right to be here” he groaned. 

“But I don't want you here!” I exclaimed. “I don't want to see you. I don't want to remember every second of the day that you are the father of this baby, that you are the one that made this!”

“Well, I'm sorry! Accidents happen!” he exclaimed, raising his arms.

“Exactly” I groaned. “This is an accident. But who will be the one that won't be damaged? You. I want you out of my life”

He clenched his jaw and looked at me, shaking his head. I just want him to leave me, is it that hard?

“You can't push everyone away, Dafne” he sighed. “You did that with Sebastian. And you always did it with me. I think it's time for us to act like adults”

“Get out of my room”

“Fine. But I won't leave this house until we talk” he said before closing my door.

“Asshole!” I screamed, grabbing a pillow and throwing it to the door. “I hate you!”

“Well, I don't!” 

What?

I frowned looking at the door, hugging my stomach softly. 

What did he say?

“Whatever” I groaned, turning around on the bed and laying on my side, with my back facing the door. “Your dad is not good, you won't like him”

I swallowed thickly, looking out of the window and drawing circles on my belly with my nails. I'm hungry, the baby is hungry, but I won't give him the satisfaction of eating whatever he made, not even sharing the same room with him.

Charles might have been the first love of my life. But that was a stupid, childish and innocent crush. 

My stomach growled in the middle of the night, making me groan and rub it softly. 

I'm hungry.

I sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing my eyes while I put warm socks on my feet. I got up and wrapped my shoulders with a blanket, taking a deep breath before walking out of my room.

I expected the house to be cold, like always. But it was warm. Maybe he fired the fireplace and let it die before he went to sleep.

I went downstairs and sighed, wrapping the blanket tighter around me. The stairs were cold against my covered feet, making me shiver softly.

When I reached the last step I frowned, watching him. He was on the couch, an uncomfortable couch, hugging himself and with his head on a pillow. 

“Idiot” I whisper, looking at him.

He could have gone to the room he shed to sleep in with his brothers whenever they came. But he stayed here, for what? Waiting for me to come? 

I shook my head and walked towards the kitchen, sighing when I saw a plate on the counter. I sat on the chair and looked at it, biting my lip when I saw a sandwich on it. 

And not a simple sandwich. My favorite sandwich. 

“How the hell…” I frowned, turning around and looking at him.

How does he know that my favorite sandwich is the one that has tuna with mayo and ketchup? How? 

I sighed, eating it and groaning when I swallowed it. God, it's so good. 

“Is it good?”

I gasped softly, flinching. He's awake.

“Why are you sleeping on the couch? You have a room” I said, not turning.

“Just in case you walked downstairs” he sighed. “I know you, Dafne…”

“You know nothing about me, Leclerc” I frowned. 

“I know that you love eating” he said, standing in front of me at the other side of the table. “I know that for dinner you always need your comfort meal, and after that you always have cookies with milk. You have been doing that since we are little”

“Fuck off” I groaned, looking away.

“I know that you love peaches, but you are allergic to the peel” he continued. “That you love the chocolate of Cadbury, more specifically the Wispa bars”

I frown and look at him. How? How does he know that? Why? Who told him?

“I know you, Dafne” he repeated.

“No, Charles! You don't know me” I said tiredly. “If you did, none of the shit that is happening between us should have happened! If you did, you would understand why I hated every second of every fight we had. Why can't you accept that I want to be someone successful? Why can't you let me be and mind your own business?”

“And do you think it was easy for me?” he exclaimed. “Do you think it was easy for me watching you risk your life every time you got into your kart and now into the cars? I knew from the start that this sport was dangerous, and when I saw you for the first time in a kart I nearly had a heart attack!”

“You are being so selfish! This is my dream” I exclaimed, standing up.

“And I tried, every time I could, to make sure you left it” he said. “I tried to fight against you to make you hate it, to make you see that…”

“What? That I'm not made for this? That this is a sport for men?”

He swallowed thickly and looked away, walking towards the window of the kitchen, his back facing me.

“When Jules died I started to have nightmares nearly every night” he whispered. “Some nights his crash on Sakura was on repeat in my mind. And then other nights that crash was happening to you. Do you have an idea of what was going on in my mind when I realized that the one that was in the barriers in Abu Dhabi was you? Do you have an idea of how hard it was for me knowing that you were unconscious?”

“Charles” I frowned.

“Do you have an idea how hard I tried to keep you safe? Dafne, I-”

“No. Don't do this. You have no right. How dare you? Why are you like this? Why the hell you have been acting all our fucking life like a jerk with me, making me feel so little, and then you come here now to say what, that you love me?” I scoffed. 

But then he turned his head slowly, looking at me with those green eyes.

“No” I mumbled. “No. No, don't. Leave. Leave right now! I don't want to see you! Get the fuck out if my house!”

“Dafne…”

“No” I groaned. “You have no right”

He turned around to look at me but I just took a step back before he could reach me, walking out of the kitchen and going to the hall of the house to grab the key cars. 

If he doesn't want to leave, then I will.

Even if it's two in the morning.

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[the-curious-butterfly]

What if our parents were once friends but we didn't know.

What if the first time I met you you were so cold.

What if I had your mom killed just for standing up.

And you looked at me with eyes that said sorry will never be enough.

What if I had managed to do what I had planned,

Be like my mother in taking a stand,

Would you have also taken my head into your hands?

What if I hadn't stopped you, and my mother made me kill you too.

I don't think I could bear it now knowing what I do.

What if instead I took us back in time.

Gave the lives we know a serious rewind.

Just so that one day you could be mine.

And I could love you without the guilt,

That your mother's blood would have built.

Except in another place another time,

I'm still the one who let her die.

And I can't understand how you can look at me with eyes so wide.

Saying you'll forgive me because of how much I've tried.

She still died.

She died.

She was suppose to die.

And it was my fault.

Red,

It doesn't even sound like my name when you say it that way.

It sounds like love.

(but love ain't it)

Or so I've been told since I could sit.

What if I went back and undid what we've done.

Because a game against time can never be won.

And even though I've learned it way too late.

What if this time I leave you behind,

So that you can once again look at me with eyes of hate.

I don't want to forget you, Red.

I'm sorry, Chloe.

.

.

.

Worst part is,

While I know it's selfish,

I'll still want you to forgive me some day.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not saying please/thank you?

So this is an ongoing argument with my roommate. I (22nb) am autistic, and T (55f) has ADHD.

Now to get this out of the way, i do say thank you. I was always taught to wait a moment after receiving something, take a bite or appreciate what you were given for a breath, before thanking someone so that you could add something more to it. My roommate and I both agree that i do say thank you the vast majority of the time, but the problem for her is that i do not say it fast enough.

T often gives me a "tHaNk yOu" while the item in question is still being passed. This seems ridiculous to me as i haven't even been fully given it yet.

In addition, i have the dishes as my household chore, and i do them daily, despite almost never making any dishes myself. I do this to both support T and her diet, as well as contribute to the household that i live in.

T thanks me near daily for doing the dishes. This always seems weird and unnecessary to me, as it is my responsibility. I have told her this. I dont expect to be thanked for doing my own laundry, after all. In return, T gets upset that i dont notice and thank her for taking out the garbage/recycling/compost, to which she is the main contributor to and is under her responsibilities.

As for please: i do say this much more rarely. I think it feels overly preformative and fake, and i typical choose more "would you mind closing my door for me" "if its not too much of a hassle, could you toss me my waterbottle" "id appreciate it if you could preheat the oven while you're in the kitchen"

I think that these work perfectly fine as a replacement. Please just has always felt wrong and fake. No one else in my entire life has ever commented on this before.

Thirdly; T has been upset that i don't respond to her apologies appropriately. After she is snappy at me (due to her emotional disregulation from ADHD) (last time it was because i asked if she was using the oven instead of asking if i could use the oven myself, for reference) there is a 50/50 shot that she will come and apologize.

I dont often accept apologies. Apologies are for the person saying them to get it off their chests, or to make you put it behind them. Usually, ill say something like "it was just one of those days, y'know?" Or "its alright, water under the bridge"

Because i was always taught that apologies came with a promise of change, and T can't (or won't) change how she re-directs her frustration at unrelated things to things ive done "wrong". When she told me the correct response was "i forgive you", i decided to not engage instead of telling her directly that i didnt forgive her (because i am certain she will do it again). (I usually dont engage with her when shes irritated: she never notices and just wants to say her piece so im not being rude here)

She said that i was being disrespectful, "like always", and when i suggested it may be more difficult for me due to my autism, she said that we made plenty of accommodations for me (which i think is false), and that i just needed to do this for her comfort. That please/thank yous were something she needed to feel appreciated and i should be making more accommodations for her.

To me, i feel like she is getting really caught up on semantics and is being a little controlling about it. But maybe its just a boundary? I dont know if i could commit to changing my language for her though, i feel like i will just start forgetting after awhile because it feels so fake. Shouldn't it be better for me to say things genuinely than just for her approval?

AITA for not saying please/thank you?

[pedrithink]

pedri and reader arguing over him forgetting their anniversary?

forgetfulness ✩ pedri gonzález

summary: pedri forgot your birthday.

To wake up and watch your boyfriend go into another room and get ready without looking you in the eye hurts. You really don't understand how Pedri can forget this day, your day. You understand that he has a lot to remember, but it hurts that he doesn't remember a day that is so important to you.

"Good morning." You say when you see him in the kitchen, hoping that he would turn around and remember your day.

He walks up to you and leaves a kiss on your head. "Good morning, sleepy head. How are you?" You can only swallow dryly and try to hide your disappointment as much as possible.

"Fine. And you?" You briefly watched as your boyfriend approached the door to leave and go straight to training.

"I'm fine. I'll see you later, okay?" He leaves a kiss on your mouth and a light caress in your hair before leaving completely out of the house.

You take a deep breath and can't control yourself, tears streaming down your face. How could he do this to you? He didn't have to write you a text or send you a bunch of gifts, you just wanted him to at least make a point of remembering your birthday. Maybe at least a "Happy Birthday" would be better than silence.

Ignoring the tightness in your chest, you sit down on the couch to read all the affectionate messages your family and friends have left. Trying not to remember that the person who simply lives with you has completely forgotten.

"Hey, how's she doing?" Pedri turns to face Gavi, he doesn't fail to arch an eyebrow.

"What do you mean, she who?"

"Y/N? What do you mean she who?"

Gavi looks at Pedri with a "Are you crazy?" expression and Pedri is even more confused that he is so randomly asking about you. "She's fine, same as always. Why are you asking me that out of the blue?"

Pedri lets out a weak laugh and Gavi can't help but frown. "I just thought she'd be mad that you had to come to practice on her birthday. Didn't you get a break? I swear Xavi was cool with it, but…"

Pedri interrupts Gavi on the spot and picks up his cell phone to check today's date, Holy shit….

"Holy shit, Gavi. What have I done?" he sits up and runs his hand through his hair nervously. Pedri can't hold back a nervous sigh and he remembers the way you looked different this morning, the way your eyes looked disappointed with every word he said.

"Don't tell me you forgot…" Gavi runs his hand across his forehead and doesn't fail to slap Pedri on the head. "Fuck you, you stupid. Go home and fix it, you dumb fuck."

After Gavi said this, Pedri couldn't contain himself and just picked up his cell phone and car keys. The despair and anxiety hit him when he saw that at was going to be a 40 minute ride judging by the awful traffic he was caught in while coming from the training center.

He only hoped that you could forgive him for that.

You hear the door slam in a rush and your expression already changes. Gavi texted you and it hurts even more to know that he only remembered because someone told him to. You turn toward the door as Pedri opens it and only cross your arms when you see his figure with an upset expression on his face.

"Baby, I…forgive me." He tries to move closer to you, but you push him away.

"Now you remember? Nice to know how important I am to you." You let out a wry smile and shake your head as if you couldn't believe Pedri's attitude.

He shrugs his shoulders and turns serious. "Please try to understand me. I have a lot on my mind."

"I also have several things to do and solve, Pedro. But, I have never forgotten a birthday of yours."

Pedri sits on the edge of the bed, fixing an invisible point with a stare that sends chills to your bones. "You're picking this argument for nothing. Because I forgot for a few hours you're going to undo everything I've done for you all year? The world won't stop because it's your birthday." When he says this, it's as if a knife had been plunged into his heart. Doesn't he understand that it isn't only about today? He has been getting more and more distant and it seems that everything about you is not so important to be remembered by him. "People go on working as usual, their problems don't end, their available times are the same. So it is natural that someone ends up forgetting your birthday. So if I have not remembered your day for a few hours, it does not necessarily mean that I have no consideration for you, that I am not a good boyfriend or anything like that."

You paused in the middle of the room, with teary eyes. "The thing is not just today, Pedro. You don't make a point of having me around anymore, and it seems like every day more and more you make it clear that things about me don't matter to you." Your eyes watering and the way your hand rests on your chest to try to push away this pain that only increases, he can only feel bad for making you feel this way. He wants to touch you and pull you into his embrace. "Whoever loves you automatically provides you with things that don't need to be begged. And I think that if you didn't mind my absence, maybe it's because my presence was never important to you and that scares me."

"I love you, I'm sorry if it made it seem like I don't care about your presence." He says while looking deep into your eyes, he says all this with his eyes shining and murmuring, as if it were your little secret.

He opened and closed his eyes, trying to keep the tears from falling from his eyes. He hates arguing with you and this feeling that you're about to run between his fingers, this shit hurts. He snuggles deeper into the bed and crosses his arms. You sighed, running a hand on your face.

The silence stretched on and on, you were afraid to say something and end up hurting both of you. "I…I think I'll sleep in the other room tonight." You say as you stare at the wall in front of you, and when you saw that he was going to say something, you interrupted him. "Just for today, just for today…I think we both need this space. To think."

He shakes his head in agreement, but more than anything, he just wanted to pull you into his arms and ask you to forgive him for all the times he made you feel this way. "Sleep here, I'll go to another room." He murmurs, already getting up, not even giving you time to say.

The night came and neither of you could sleep, you had never had a fight like this before, much less slept apart after one. You started a war without realizing it, without communicating, and that is the biggest mistake of all. You just wanted this night to pass and Pedri was controlling himself not to get up and hug you until that pain in his chest was gone, nothing hurts more than knowing that he hurts you.

As morning came, you could only sleep for a few hours and Pedri couldn't rest at all. He just wanted the morning to come soon so that you could talk and get this out of his chest, he couldn't accept losing you.

When you got up, Pedri was already in the kitchen preparing something for you to eat. You let a smile escape when you saw the way he was committed to cooking for you. "Good morning."

He turned to you and tried to relax his posture when he saw that you were more relaxed after yesterday's discussion. God, he has never seen you as beautiful as you are now. "Good morning, my love. Hey." He runs his hands through his sweatpants and approaches you a little fearfully, you lower your guards and let him hug you.

He squeezes you even tighter in his arms and leaves several kisses on your head, you can only sink further into his arms and nuzzle the tip of your nose against his neck. "Without your hug that comforts, without your kisses that fill me with so much love, without your company. I can no longer imagine a future where you are not, because you are always there!"

He says all this while his hands are running down your back in a caress. You listen to everything intently and try to take a deep breath as a weight comes off your shoulders. "I know I've been a jerk, I'm sorry about that. But under no circumstances should you think that I don't care enough about you." He pulls you away from his embrace so that you could look into each other's eyes while this conversation takes place. "Love is not confusion, love is staying together, even confused. It's working it out together. It's not walking away. I've reflected on all my actions this morning and I'm just sorry, I'm sorry for all the times I made you feel like it wasn't reciprocated."

You caress his face and let a smile escape. "It's okay."

"It's not okay, but now it will be. Love is about giving, believing, and sharing. Love is all of that and I want to be with you. I want to share my needs and your needs because making you happy is my goal." He leaves three kisses on your mouth and rests his forehead against yours. "Now let's go back to yesterday and make you have an extremely special day, today is all about you and me."

You can't hide your excitement and hug Pedri again. He has never broken a promise and you faithfully believe that he will review the actions that have hurt you. He is the person you trust most in the whole world.

[melanieph321]

Ruben Dias x Reader - Remember You and Me Part 7/8

Ruben done f*cked up, is all I can say. 😮‍💨😮‍💨

Summary - After a traffic accident reader is left with no memory of her life with Ruben, who desperately tries to get her to remember him.

Enjoy!

"Maybe it's better if she comes and stays with us?"

The headaches and memory shocks, not even the doctors had predicted how it would affect you. Your parents came to visit you while you were in the hospital. They were convinced that you should go back to live with them in the Netherlands.

"What do you say Ruben?" They asked.

He looked pale, grey bags visible underneath his eyes. You had been hospitalized for the past week. Ruben had been staying with you every night, leaving for training in the early morning and returning to you late in the evening.

"It's her choice." He mumbled.

Your parents turned to look at you, cradled in your hospital bed. "What do you say honey? Kom met ons mee? (Come with us?).

You were staring blankly into space, like you had been for the past week. It wasn't the memories that haunted you. It was the sense of loss. You had lost somthing that you never even remember having. But one thing was clear to you, somthing wasn't adding up. Someone wasn't telling you the truth, weather it was Ruben, your parents or Rachel. For all you knew all of them were keeping things from you, things like what actually happned to you on the day of your accident.

"I want to go home." You said, your dry lips parting slowly, the words barely making it out of your mouth.

"Home?" Your father questioned. "With us?"

You looked to Ruben. He looked on the verge of somthing, tears, collapsing, verbal confliction? It was hard to tell. Your gaze shifted back to your partners. "Yes." You nodded. "With you. I want to go home with you. "

Ruben bowed his head in defeated, in a way, accepting your choice.

"Okay honey, we'll get the doctors to sign you out."

Your parents left the room, leaving you and Ruben to an endless silence. He approached your bed, at first a bit hesitant to touch you. He then grabbed your hand and pulled up a chair to sit next to you. Your fingers rolled in the palm of his hand. He examined them, taking turns to press each one of them to his warm lips. You watched him. That was all. You just watched him with the sense of loss still devouring you from the inside out.

"Tell me...." Ruben said, gently putting your hand down. He raised his head to hold your gaze. He was unrecognizable, fatigue covering his face like a mask.

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me what you remembered." He asked.

You watched him, his eyes read your soul like an open book.

"You remembered her, didn't you?" Ruben restrained his lips from quivering. "You remembered our baby girl."

You closed your eyes, tears escaping you lids. "I remember her, but I don't remember her. How is that Ruben?"

He shook his head. "I....I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't know how to..."

"So you chose to lie to me?"

"Forgive me, Y/N. But I almost lost the both of you that day. I just couldn't..."

"Tell me." You pleaded. "Tell me what happened."

He shook his head, low sniffles leaving his mouth. "I can't,  I can't go back to that night."

"You must."

Ruben looked down, watching your hand in his, however he was inconsolable, refusing to talk, refusing to tell you the truth.

"Then it's decided."

You let him go, creating distance between you.

"Y/N, please."

"I've tried so hard to remember Ruben. So fucking hard. And all this time you have been the one wanting me to forget."

"Y/N, I never..."

"Don't touch me!"

You drew your hand back.

"Y/N?

It was too late. You withdrew to lay in a cradled position, your eyes staring blankly into space. You felt nothing. All that was left was the loss and the pain.

Tags list:

@christianpulisic10

@urmotheris

@magicalfundragon

[lyneytricks]

if i see another video making out scara's resentment towards ei to not matter and be wrong because of ei's intentions when abandoning him i'm going to literally throw something out of a window.

it doesn't matter what ei's intention was!! she literally abandoned him during the most important part of his life. idgaf if he looked the same as he does now, he was a child and he didn't know shit. ei just!! left him!! the fact that she had no ill intention doesn't dismiss the fact that it was harmful!!

(also let's not forget that she let him to sleep. for like. years. until someone found him. isn't that worse than death? how could you claim to "set someone free" when you throw them out as a lifeless corpse, not able to do anything until they are found? how could you say that?)

imagine using that logic on a crime dawg. yeah i killed them but it wasn't my intention so now their loved ones can't be mad at me for doing so, and they also need to forgive me. WHAT THE FUCK???

even wanderer says it in his voicelines. jesus christ. ("she completely neglected her own creation, and to add insult to injury, she said it was because she 'couldn't bring herself to intervene' in my fate..")

small p.d: i almost forgot about the feather ei gave him. (almost everyone does i'm ngl) yes, it was a way to, i guess 'protect him'? in a way? but, the fact that she gave him one thing (that does hold value, yeah, but god) while never even aknowledging his existence does not make her better.

(i can't remember the exact line in the HOOD set but oh my god. that "and she will not abandon you" someone says when seeing the feather, him knowing full well that she has done that. oh my god i need someone to hold me down)

[keischreiber]

I don't think it's too far-fetched to assume that for Reiner, love is conditional. (At first, at least)

And he would need someone who actually loves him with no strings attached to show him that love doesn't come with superficial conditions.

Because for the longest time, Reiner has been running after the most basic form of love that he can get as a human being... which is the acceptance and love of his parent(s). He goes through so much lengths just to prove that he is worth their acceptance, goes through so much pains just to prove that he is someone that they can be proud to call their son. The condition to be loved? Becoming a hero.

He's so enamored with the concept of kindness, that when he feels like someone gives it to him, he falls head over heels for that person. When does he experience this? When Krista tends to his wounds, showing so much concern that she even ripped part of her skirt just to help him. The condition to be loved? Getting hurt.

Reiner has been surrounded by people who hardly cared about him unless he does something worthy of their attention, that he literally cannot see the value in forgiving himself; or in being redeemed. It shows in the last chapters where he was bracing himself for rejection for losing the Armor. He was so ready to accept that he's nothing but a disappointment without it; that his mother wouldn't love him any more... because for so long, having it and becoming an Honorary Marleyan were the requirements that he met for receiving what little love and recognition that he actually got.

And even those, he learned were things that shouldn't have been for him to begin with.

Reiner does so much to prove himself; does so much just to earn what little he can keep.

And I think he needs a person to genuinely just want him. Not for anything like being the Armor, or an honorary Marleyan. Not for being a hero, or a warrior. But just for being himself. True enough, being a soldier and being a warrior, being the Armor has become part of who he is... but sometimes, I can't help but wonder... if he ever thinks him without all of this, is enough. Or does he still need to become more than what he is after all is said and done, just to be accepted and loved by those around him.

I feel like Reiner is the type who will over exert himself to make not just his partner, but those around him happy. He's going to overcompensate because that's how it's been for so long. It's very toxic and draining to him. And he's probably going to panic and be frantic if he accidentally hurts the person that he's chosen to be with. And he does have moments where he's not so gentle; where he gets angry, where he explodes. When it gets too much, he's going to be the one to take all the blame to make it easier for everyone.

He needs healthy relationships that allow him to just be himself where he can see that who he was before, and who he is now... who he becomes in the future is a person that is accepted and cared for. Reiner isn't the type to make excuses for himself when he realized the truth; so he doesn't expect the people around him to patronize him or make excuses for him either. He needs people to be with him in the moment, so that he doesn't slip and forget that he as he is now, is enough and worthy of love.

[bitchypizzabeliever]

Story of hypersexuality (I was 6-7)

This is me.

This is my cousin.

We're the same gender. We're girls.

But, when we were younger. She would talk about sex with me and then, one day she asked, "Can I h_mp you?" I had asked what it meant and she explained what it was. I said yes. Thinking it was a good thing. Then..

She immediately straddled me and did what she said she wanted to do. Ever since, I have felt things I wish I have never felt. The feeling of desiring sex and sexual activities.

Now, I question, "If someone shows love, is it real?" I can't feel comfortable with relationships anymore from how badly this affected me.

This may not be as bad as other people's stories, but it still counts. This trauma my cousin has given me has turned into this and although we get along now, I can never forget what disgusting things she has done to me. I wish I could forgive her, but I am always going to be stopped from it. Hearing, "Don't forgive her. She hurt you. She touched you and even tried to imply having sex with you. She will never be forgiven." I am scared to say this to my parents. I don't think it'll change anything. It could happen again.

[10underoot2]

Saddest Scene in Queen of Tears yet

This scene is so utterly sad. It always makes me feel so many emotions and I'm so scared years down the line I'll forget why I love it so much. So here's everything it makes me feel and what I think it makes these two feel as well.

We can't start this scene without context. Haein says this Hyunwoo a few hours before they meet in the rain: 'Why did you send the flowers? And the condolence money? Stop playing. You digust me. Even if I forget my memory down the road, I will never forget what you did to me. You let go of my hand when I was the most helpless. I will never forgive you. Try all you want but I will resent you till my dying breath. So all you need to do is stay still and get lost when I tell you to.'

Here's the short version of the post and their thoughts. You can the more detailed version of my analysis of this scene here.

Hyunwoo's thoughts:

- She said she'll resent me forever but she doesn't remember. She's so loving and so warm right now.

- This is my Haeina. How did I forget who I fell in love with. This is what it used to be like. Why didn't I work harder to get her to smile like this at me before? Why did this disease have to remind me?

- We've had this conversation before. She doesn't remember. How bad has it been for her?

- What have I done to her? I should have been there for her. She said I left her hand when she was the most helpless. Why wasn't I there? And I still can't be there?!

- I'll have to tell her everything again, won't I?

- There it is she loves me. She loves me? She never really stopped did she? She did love me....all along.

Haeina's Thoughts

- First blow: Oh we've went to Germany this is so disorienting. I still don't remember if I got treated? Did the treatment not work then?

- What is he saying? I love him so much. We love each other why would he divorce me? And why haven't I retaliated against him then?

- Second blow; Oh. I remember. His harsh words. I'm so hurt and so embarrassed. Time to let go.

[miraculousweb]

If Gabriel was, while not a good person, was a good father, partner and friend AU

The Wish Aftermath

Gabriel Agreste, the last will and testament/the last letter (or something):

"I leave my trusted friend, partner and confident , Nathalie, with whom I've asked too much already, my butterfly brooch. To my son, Adrian I leave his mother's peacock brooch, know that I am so proud of you. To my dearest wife, Emilie,I return to you the tome I've had within my possession, and I give you my sincerest apologies and regret for the mess I've no doubt left behind. I'm sorry that you have to find out this way, that I've done too many unspeakable things that I can't even begin to list them, I regret that I'll never get the chance to tell you in person or express how sorry I am for all of this. All I can offer you is perhaps hollow excuses and explanations. Duusu, though they owe me nothing, has agreed to pass on my follies and my failings, for you to judge and decide if or how you wish to remember me by.

I regret, so so many things, I am regret that I never got the chance to say goodbye to you my wife, my love, my heart and soul, then or now. I regret that I am not brave enough to face my precious child, my son, my light, before my final moments. I cannot even begin to ask for either of your forgiveness, for these transgressions against you and against those whose lives I've hurt, for the tarnished legacy I leave behind, and all the broken pieces I've left behind for you to pick up in my stead. As the end grows closer I am both terrified and relieved, I know I have no right to make any last requests of anyone but I beg of you, please don't blame Natalie, she did everything she could to mitigate my actions. Do not condemn her for my mistakes. I am sorrowful and guilty for all the pain and suffering I've caused and I alone take the full responsibility for it, she is not responsible for my wrongdoings.

I leave you with these final words, and though I know they are not enough, I know I must press forward still, and write them.

Emilie, I've missed you, with all my heart, mind and soul, and I love you, more than I could ever love myself, more than enough to trade my life for yours in a heartbeat. Please live your life, and take care of Adrien for me, won't you?

Adrien, my darling boy, my only son and child, in the darkest of times, you have been the brightest light that shines, never lose sight of that strength within. I never said it enough, I never told you, not in so many words, just how much I love you and how proud I am of you. Be there for your mother, but don't forget to take care of yourself too. I know I've always demanded too much of you, so consider this my blessing to make your own demands from life and live it to the fullest in whatever way is best for you. It's your turn to decide what life you want to live.

Nathalie, my oldest and dearest friend, thank you. Thank you for everything. I'm sorry for leaving you behind, for putting you through all this, and abandoning you to pick up the pieces in my stead. I wish you nothing but the best, and I want you to know that no matter what anyone says, you are family. I will forever be grateful to you. Goodbye old friend

I love each of you, may you be able to rest easy from here on out without me

Sincerely

Husband, Father, and Friend

Gabriel Agreste "

[starryjuicebox]

Beloved (6) - Confession

Summary: Stella can't hold it inside any longer.

Pairing: Ascended!Astarion x Tav

Word Count: 611 words

Masterlist | Ao3 Link | Next Chapter

Marpenoth 1492 

Today, with my help, Astarion completed the Rite of Profane Ascension. I don’t know what possessed me to even agree after my pleas fell on deaf ears. I was so numb. I tried to persuade him to change his mind, but I was too weak. I can barely even remember it. Everything after my failure was just black, black, black. I just want to forget. All the screams. All the blood. The disappointment from our friends. What have I done? 

Oak Father, please forgive me. I will never feel your warm embrace again. I have damned both my lover and myself to a dark, twisted eternity. What would Aelia say? I can never speak to her again. How could I have let this happen? 

Stella Lunaris

“Why are you apologizing.” It was not a question. 

His consort stilled for just a moment, before wiping the tears from her eyes and finally meeting his gaze. “I… I helped Halsin complete Jaheira’s research. After we told her children of her passing, they gave him her notes. When we all reconnected at Shadowheart’s wedding, he pulled me aside.  He was…worried about me. About us.” 

Her voice was trembling; from fear, sorrow, or a mixture of both, Astarion wasn’t sure. 

Why had she kept this from him for two centuries? He hardly remembered the wedding, it had been so long ago. Both Shadowheart and her wife had since passed. He had seen them speaking briefly at the respective funerals… it seemed Halsin had been meddling in their affairs for far longer than he’d originally thought. 

“He was worried about you? And why would he be? We are flourishing.”

To him, they truly were. Astarion had everything he ever wanted. The Crimson Palace was his to rule, and he had redesigned every single aspect of the interior. Not a single trace of that wretch he would never speak of again remained. Every room had a vase filled with fresh flowers (his dear consort’s insistence) and gold was never an issue - he occupied three vaults in the Counting House. He also occupied a seat on the Council of Four and had his fingers in every proverbial pie around Baldur’s Gate. 

So why was his darling so forlorn? 

Stella hesitated, biting her lip. Her eyes flickered over to the window before lowering once more. “He just wanted to make sure I was happy, that’s all.” 

She wasn’t telling him the truth, he could feel it. Anger surged in his chest, and he fought hard to keep it down. 

“I know when you lie to me, little love. We’ve been together for three centuries,” he sighed, tucking a strand of her silky hair behind a pointed ear. 

Closing her eyes, his consort continued. “Halsin said I seemed nothing like myself anymore. That he wasn’t certain I was… doing well. Then, he asked me to help him finish Jaheira’s research, since I am Faithwarden.” 

Astarion paused. How dare the Archdruid accuse him of mistreating her? Anything she asked for, he would provide. She wanted for nothing, he made sure of it! 

“For a while after that…we exchanged letters and worked on completely deciphering the ritual, until he had completed it.” 

He furrowed his eyebrows. Something still wasn’t making sense. He didn’t particularly care whether or not their former companions lived or died. Only Gale and Halsin remained, and one of them had quite literally become a god. Why was this such a secret? “So why keep this from me, then? It’s not as if I don’t allow you to help your friends.”

The answer came in the smallest of whispers. “Because he wanted to see me be free.”

[jeonstudios]

ima get to the point straight; jungkook fucked up a big time I want him to grovel at his feet, I want him to scream, cry, throw up not even for a chance but for oc to know how pretty she is 😭

The guilt is not guilting rn. See jungkook is a smart man I refuse to believe he wasn't aware what impact his insults would have on a women. The way he says that he didn't have an idea to what degree he was causing hurt to oc, it makes me feel like "he is just a man afterall" like he is inconsiderate just like a man who didn't care to think his actions does have an impact. I can't say to what extent he feels the guilt, the regret. But I want him to be so fuckin desperate I want him to feel like his world would end without oc 😭😭😭

Also, your writing is really beautiful and dc is really beautiful 🫠🤧

don't worry about it, i didn't find it rude! just passionate 😅 and i'm glad you have strong feelings about it/him lmao 🤩 i get what you're saying even if i don't necessarily feel the exact same way. to me, jk is forgivable because i do believe he wasn't aware of the damage he was causing with his words and the things he's done afterward (and not only to get brownie points from reader) weigh up for it. but i also understand that it can be hard to be around someone who actually said so cruel words. hard to forgive and to forget when it made you hurt so much. and yeah, it was very "manly" of him to let himself be swept away by his friends and the hatred for her. and thank you!!! these are literally the best compliments, they really warm my heart ♥️

[v1smokewife]

who is this person - chapter eleven - final chapter

On a quest to find love on a dating website, Sanji falls head over heels for a woman with an interest in...alternative relationships that sends him down a rabbit hole of completing tasks for a seemingly sadistic mistress. But what happens when she turns out to be more than what she seems?

or

Zoro pretends to be a female on the internet to talk to Sanji and bad things happen.

Darkfic with themes of internalised homophobia, bad bdsm practices and lying about your identity to strangers on the internet. Please read with caution. This is NOT how BSDM should be practiced. Always practice Sane, Safe and Consensual practicesboarders on being considered dead dove do not eat material

read on ao3

authors note;

WE ARE FINALLY FINISHED. oh my goodness!! i can't believe I'm finally done!! this means so much to me. first of all, thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos. i'm so bad for not replying to them but i really do appreciate every single comment and kudo i get. thank you for the love <3 there's plenty of stories planned for 2024. once I finish i need a doctor, i will probably start releasing the sequel as i will be starting to write it now <3

S POV  

A FEW MONTHS LATER  

Time was what Sanji got in return. He hadn't seen Zoro for a few months and Zoro kept to their conversations. Even when Luffy came over to the restaurant, Zoro was never in tow as he normally was. At first, Sanji never paid more mind to it. Obviously, Sanji had told him that he needed time and that he did. He needed time to get over what had happened to him and process things a bit more than he had previously. After a while, Sanji felt like things were sort of returning to normal. He was back working at the restaurant and things had gotten a tad better. Himself and Nami were still best friends, and he quickly forgave her for what had happened. It was forgive and forget. Things were back to normal, almost. 

He never saw Zoro and come to think of it, no one else did. When Luffy would come to the Baratie, he would often lament about how Zoro has no time for him anymore and how he misses him. When Sanji said he needed time, he really did need that time, but it was a little weird for Zoro to just completely distance himself from everyone. What a pain that was. Although, Sanji didn’t know why he felt bad about that because after all it was him that suffered the most through the whole thing.  

It was something that still kept him up at night and he probably would be traumatised for the rest of his life but… 

He had time to think about what Zoro said and now he needed to talk to him again. Sanji was finishing work. He had been given the evening off. Zeff, in his own way had become a little bit more gracious with the working hours and letting Sanji work better hours and not always closing up for him. Although Zeff never said it, it seemed as if he must have felt bad for what happened. 

Something just felt amiss. Sanji wanted to talk to Zoro again. 

Sanji’s decision was to try and reach out again. Space and time gave him the opportunity to think about things but there was a sense of unfinished business because their last conversation gave him so much more questions rather than answers.  He wasn’t sure how to approach this He could call or text…it was awful, but he still had his number from when they used to text each other during the Zoey days, and he never got rid of his number. However, phoning and texting had got them into this mess so he needed to have a much more direct conversation that would be a lot more meaningful.  

After much thoughts, Sanji decided that he would try and approach the gym that Zoro tended to frequent. It was a place that Sanji knew from Nami that Zoro liked to go when he needed some time to think. As Sanji was walking towards the gym, his mind was starting to feel like a whirlwind. Although he knew that he was the one that suffered the most in this, Sanji couldn’t help but wonder how Zoro had been. How would he react to Sanji just turning up to his gym out of the blue. There was a mixture of apprehension and curiosity in his stomach that was almost making him feel sick.  

Once he arrived at the gym, Sanji took a moment to stop at the entrance. He took a deep breath before stepping inside. The sound of training filled the air as he stepped inside the gym. Ahead of him, right past the empty reception, Sanji could see Zoro training with a wooden sword in an empty hall.  

The thud of his feet on the mat, the clank of the wooden sword against the training dummy and the controlled breaths. Zoro seemed to be in his element here. Sanji stood at the hallway leaning against the frame and watching him. Every turn and every muscle that moved. It was…. hypnotising. He didn’t realise that he was staring until Zoro noticed a presence in the room. He paused and turned. His expression changed from concentration to…surprise and Sanji realised that he was staring at Zoro working out. Holy shit. Why? 

“You?” Zoro said with a mix of uncertainty and…confusion. 

Sanji didn’t really know what to say but he cleared his throat and stepped in the room, “I…just wanted to see what you’ve been up to recently. You’ve disappeared entirely,” God this felt so awkward. Sanji needed a smoke, and he needed one bad.  

“You said you wanted time. I’ve been giving you that,” Zoro said as he placed the wooden sword on the ground. 

“Hm. First time you’ve ever listened to me in the history of ever,” Sanji said as he stepped forward a bit more. Sanji was a little uncertain about what was going on. He was unsure of how to approach this.  

Zoro raised an eyebrow at Sanji’s comments with a hint of defensive humour, “Well I figured that it was important. You said so yourself. You wanted space. I respected that and gave you space. You aren’t giving me shit for giving you space, are you?” 

There was a minute between them with such a mix of emotions. Curiosity, tension was all the emotions that were going on right now. It was clear that they both had a lot on their mind. Thoughts and questions simmering below the surface.  

Sanji shifted his weight. God, he absolutely NEEDED a cigarette. He looked around the gym before setting his gaze back onto Zoro, “Yeah. You are right. I’m not going to give you shit for that. I did need time,” 

Zoro nodded, he was willing to engage in conversation. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about it to. If you…don’t mind waiting for me to finish up here, we can talk outside…or go somewhere else,” 

Sanji nodded, “My apartment is not far away. We can go there…It’s quiet,” 

Zoro and Sanji agreed that would be right for them to go there. Sanji went to go and wait outside of the gym where he got his much needed cigarette. He stepped out of the gym and the fresh air was a much needed welcome. He lit up his cigarette and took a drag of it. His mind was racing with what he wanted to say to Zoro. The questions he wanted to ask him.  

After a few moments, Zoro appeared from the gym, having quickly changed out of his gear. They walked in pretty much silence back to Sanji’s apartment. It was starting to get late and as they appeared, Sanji could see that the Baratie was starting to quiet down for the evening. However, Sanji directed Zoro upstairs into his apartment. He never really invited much people upstairs. In fact, he can’t even remember the last time Nami came over.  

He offered Zoro a seat and a drink. Zoro, as per expected, wanted alcohol. Sanji indulged him with a beer while Sanji poured himself a glass of wine. He sat on the sofa with Zoro on the furthest side. 

Sanji decided that he didn’t want to sit in silence he decided he would take the lead and he would talk. 

“Zoro…I’ve been thinking about what we spoke about last time,” Sanji decided that since it was his own apartment, he would have another cigarette as he lit it up and took a drag, “I’m not gonna lie. I’ve had time to think about things and well, what you did really messed me up. But…we both got involved in something really…complicated. 

Zoro, who was swirling his beer around as he listened intently about what Sanji had to say but he didn’t interject. He knew what Sanji was talking about. When Zoro admitted having feelings. So, Sanji continued talking as he ran a hand through his hair. 

“I guess what I’m trying to get at is…I want to understand. Not just about what happened. I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand but what about us? Where do we stand?” 

Zoro set his beer down and he turned his head to look at Sanji. The question…it was direct and to the point. It was now cutting to the heart of their tangled history. The future was so uncertain, “I’ve been trying to figure that out myself. This is…complicated,” 

Sanji exhaled a cloud of smoke, and his expression was contemplative, “This…we’ve always been complicated, Zoro. Fights, arguments, a rivalry and now…this. Whatever this has been. He gestured between them, a vague gesture of their encompassing existence between them. 

Zoro leaned back slightly, “It’s…complicated but…I meant what I said…” He didn’t need to elaborate or repeat what he said. Sanji and them both knew what he said. He admitted feelings and Sanji… felt incredibly conflicted right now. 

Sanji’s eyes flickered with a mix of different emotions. Surprise, uncertainty and perhaps…something new. Something softer. Maybe it was the wine or maybe it was the time that he was allowed to have but he thought about it more, “Work through this mess…” He took another drag of his cigarette and took the time to consider Zoro’s words, “I…don’t think I can just forget about what happened. 

“I’m not asking you to forget about anything,” Zoro said, and Sanji could swear he was closer to him than before, “All I’m wondering is that…do you think we could have an existence where we tolerate each other more than we do?” 

“Tolerate?” Sanji deflected with humour, “I don’t think I could ever want to not fight with you, moss man,” 

Zoro cracked a smile at that use of his usual descriptor. Their usual banter beginning to resurface yet again, “I don’t expect anything less. I was just thinking that there is also room for other things other than tolerating each other and fighting,” 

Sanji took a moment, looking at his glass of wine before meeting Zoro’s gaze again, “The whole thing with Zoey…it was a mess…but it has also changed my perspective on things. I see you differently,”  

That admission hung in the air. It was a new and delicate thread in the complex fabric of their brand new relationship. A direction that neither of them thought that this would go in.  

When Sanji moves to look at Zoro, he was caught off guard when Zoro took a hold of the collar of his shirt and leaned forward to…well, kiss him. 

And holy shit did that catch Sanji off guard. The kiss was so sudden and unexpected. A bold and what seemed like a really desperate move by Zoro. Like he couldn’t just help himself.  

Sanji was taken aback. He was surprised. He was confused but he felt something. Something that he had never felt before. Of course, he had kissed plenty of women, but he had never had ever kissed a man. 

Kissing a man. That’s something he never thought he’d ever do and yet he was here, and Zoro kissed him.  

Huh. Why wasn’t he pulling away? 

As Zoro pulled back. There was a sense of questioning in his eyes. An intensity that Sanji wasn’t expecting as Zoro tried to gauge Sanji’s reaction to see if he had crossed a line, but Sanji just sat there for a moment, processing what had just happened. The kiss had been brief but…it made Sanji think. 

“…That wasn’t too forward, was it?” Zoro’s head tilted a little to gauge his reaction. 

There was a rush of emotions and the unexpected turn of events. The pads of his fingers touched his own lips in response. The intensity of Zoro’s gaze was met by Sanji’s own, and it was…confused.  

“It…no…not too forward,” Sanji rubbed the back of his neck. The tone of his voice was thick with realisation, “This…it just caught me off guard…that’s all,” 

There was a moment of silence where they both sat with the significance of Zoro’s kiss. It was a bold step. A physical manifestation of all the complex emotions. 

Sanji leaned back, his mind racing. Zoro watched him. 

“Was it bad?” Zoro asked and Sanji looked at him. 

“What? No? It wasn’t…It’s just really complicated,” Sanji felt flustered by Zoro kissing him and didn’t want to show it, but he was…terrible at that. Zoro watched him and then... 

“Ooooh….it was really good, and you don’t want to admit it,” There it was. Ther usual banter was back again, and Zoro was teasing him about something. 

Sanji shot him a look. A look of annoyance and a very reluctant smile playing on his lips, “Shut up, mosshead. Don’t get cocky. You kissed me once,” 

“But you’re blushing now…you enjoyed it… you liked being kissed,” 

“I swear if you don’t shut up I will- “  

Sanji didn’t know what came over him. Maybe it was the fact that Zoro was annoying him by being cocky or if it was the affect the kiss had on him, but it was his turn now. Sanji grabbed the collar of Zoro’s shirt this time and pulled him into a kiss of his own. This time, it was a little more aggressive and more…passionate than before which shocked both of them entirely. The sudden reversal of roles, with Sanji being the forward one added a brand new intensity to what was going on. This kiss was charged with emotion.  

That feeling…Sanji felt that feeling when he spoke to Zoey. When Zoey would make him do things and take videos and pictures... it was that feeling he felt kissing Zoro. It was the same arousal.  Sanji didn’t want to pull away because of it but he needed to pull away to breath but only inches away from Zoro’s lips. 

Zoro looked at Sanji with surprise but once that settled, a small smirk appeared on his face as he whispered against his lips, “Hmmm…didn’t know you had it in you, cook,” His usual teasing taking on a new tone. One that was equally aroused and very dominant. 

Christ. 

Sanji, caught in all of that, whispered back, “Don’t underestimate me, moss head. I’m full of surprises,”  

Zoro could only chuckle but not for long because they were back kissing. It was like a powder keg had gone off and now there was nothing that could stop them. It was so confusing. Sanji should hate him. Sanji should hate Zoro for the things he had done. He shouldn’t be doing this. Yet, he’s here and he can’t stop. He just can’t stop. 

Zoro’s hand moved to the back of his neck and pulled him closer. His tongue was shoved into his mouth and mapped out every inch of the blonde’s mouth. Sanji should push Zoro off of him, but he partially started this. He was already not wanting this to end. He didn’t want this to stop. It felt really strange, but he didn’t want this to stop ever. He’d kissed plenty of women and a lot of them got him aroused, and often left him aroused. However, the way that Zoro held the back of his neck to hold him there and the dominance battle he had already lost.  

His feelings were so all over the place right now, but he couldn’t deny, even if he tried to ignore it, the tightness in his pants.  

He hadn’t wanted it to end. Not in the slightest. But Zoro pulled away and Sanji didn’t want that. He moved as Zoro pulled back and was almost on his lap.  

What had Zoro done to him? No really, what had he done to him? Because he couldn’t believe that he was behaving like this now when Zoro had done such a fucked up think to him not that long ago. Zoro and Sanji were now kissing quite passionately on Sanji’s couch, and he never expected that to happen. 

Sanji looked at Zoro and Zoro looked at him. They didn’t say anything to each other, but Zoro turned to the side and then went to stand up. 

“Where are you going?” Sanji asked. A hint of annoyance and a hint of confusion. Zoro was just getting up and leaving him as he was turned on from their kissing.  

“Wouldn’t you rather do this in your room? I mean, I’m happy to do it on the couch but...” 

Hold on hold on. What does he mean by do this? So, it was a reality. They were going to have sex and Sanji was feeling… 

"Who said I wanted to have sex with you?" Sanji sneered at him. The thought that this was going to happen. Was it too fast? Sanji wasn't too sure. Maybe it was but, in his mind, he found himself leaning towards the idea. He didn't know if it was the right thing to do but it was the thing, he felt himself leaning towards wanting to do.  

"It's not what you say. It's how you react to me..." There was a little bit of smugness from Zoro's side which was annoying and weirdly attractive. Damn him. Damn him. Zoro looked back at him and tilted his head. 

"Well, are you coming then, cook?" 

Sanji had no choice. He got up and pushed past him but only so he could show him where his bedroom his. Sanji, who always prided himself on his charm and ease around women was in completely new and unfamiliar territory. This was different, more intense and more confusion. However, in his bedroom, Zoro moving in close to him and feeling his strong hands taking a sudden hold of his hips, there was a growing desire he couldn't ignore right now. 

Zoro moved his head against Sanji's. As equally as lost in this as Sanji was right now. He was about to kiss Sanji again before Sanji whispered to him. 

"This doesn't change the past," Sanji said, a moment of vulnerability that could be heard in his voice.  

"I know..." 

And that was that. Sanji moved so his lips to smash his lips against Zoro's lips. Later on, he would consider this but for now, he would fall into this moment and fall into it. When he came to Zoro, he never considered that he would never be in this space kissing Zoro. As they kissed, Zoro took a few step forwards and tried to guide Sanji going backwards so they can go over to the bedroom. Sanji followed in the way that Zoro tried to guide him until he felt the back of his knees hit his bed. When they did, he almost fell back but he grabbed Zoro's shoulder and pulled him onto the bed with him. Zoro was guided to land on top of him.  

This was actually kind of scary. Sanji felt a bubble of anxiety at the idea that Zoro was going to...Zoro was going to fuck him and the idea of that should have made his toes curl and while he thought that Zoro was still his rival and he wanted to beat him at being the best kisser, but the idea of Zoro was going to fuck him was... 

Zoro's knee pushed against his thigh and invertedly, his cock was rubbed against, and Sanji suddenly realised how aroused he was as he was incredibly fucking hard. A moan left his mouth, and it was incredibly embarrassing. He could feel his face heating up as they feverishly kissed. Sanji felt Zoro's hands that were on his hips trailing up his waist and... oh goodness. This was already too good, and Sanji didn't want to show that, but he just couldn't.  

Zoro tugged at Sanji's shirt so Sanji leaned up so he could quickly remove his shirt. Zoro followed suit by doing the same. Sanji never thought that he would ever gawk at a man but...damn. 

Zoro was built like a herculean hero.  A muscled hero and Sanji couldn't take his eyes. He wanted to reach forward and feel ever depth and muscle but before he could even think about it. Zoro's head went to the crook of his neck to take in that addicting scent and bit him. His hands were on his waist. His hands went to touch him everywhere. His hips, chest, shoulders and then further down.  

"You're so perfect..." 

Sanji's breath was caught. Perfect.  

This changes nothing. Absolutely nothing.  

Caught on a stray thought, Sanji was brought to life when Zoro's hands hooked at the waist band of his pants. Sanji went to lift his hips up so Zoro could pull them off. Sanji kicked them off before throwing them somewhere in the room on the floor. He tried not to think about the past. The current moment was free of all that had happened so surely, he would be able to move on from it.  Right. 

But he just couldn't deny himself anymore. 

"You look so good like this Curly," 

Sanji began to wonder if he looked just as good as the photos that Sanji given him. Although, he didn't want to think about that because it would likely ruin the moment for him, and he didn't want to think about what Zoro did to him. As they both stripped off the rest of their clothes, Sanji and Zoro were naked in front of each other for the first time and Sanji couldn't take his mind off of the beautiful body in front of him.  

Zoro moved his hands onto Sanji's kneed with the intention of slowly parting his legs. it should have felt really embarrassing for him to be seen like this under Zoro's lustful gaze, but it just didn't feel that way. It felt incredibly right in this moment. Zoro looked up at Sanji's face and studied his face intensely. Face flushed and his eyes dipped down to Sanji's cock and untouched hole that Zoro knew had never been breached by another man and there was a swell of pride at the thought that he would be the one to do it. 

"You...Do you still have lube?" 

Sanji turned his head to the side and reached his hand out to point to the drawer next to the bed. 

"Bottom shelf," 

To which Zoro went into the shelf and grabbed the lube. He coated his fingers in the lube before easing Sanji's legs open. Sanji was mostly complacent. 

"How are you feeling?" Zoro asked, looking up with him 

"Just get on with it," 

Right. Sanji is feeling fine then. He made sure that Sanji's legs were spread nice and wide for him before pushing the pad of his finger against the blonde's hole and eased it, slowly. 

"Ngh-" 

The moans were just as good as they were in the videos. 

"That's it baby..." Zoro whispered, easing his finger in, "Good..." 

After a few minutes, he inserted a second finger. He thrusted his fingers shallowly. Sanji's hips buckled into his hand every time that sweet spot inside of him. Zoro had found it already. Wonderful. This was deeper than Sanji had ever managed to get with his own fingers. His eyes were shut and if it wasn't for Zoro's arm, he would have shut his legs too. Zoro inserted a third and then daringly, Sanji then inserted a fourth. That ended up getting small hiss out of them who buckled his hips. Despite what he was doing, Zoro made sure to watch his face while he thrusted his fingers into that spot.  

As much as Sanji didn't want to act too lewdly like he had in those videos, he couldn't help but moan and groan every time Zoro's fingers brushed against that thought. If he had told himself a year ago that Zoro was going to fuck him, and it was going to feel really good, then Sanji would have thrown himself in the ocean. 

Oh. That's funny. Times change then. 

Zoro could only help but hope Sanji is just as tight around his cock. Just as he always wanted. 

"You look good like this," Zoro breathed out as he brushed his fingers against the spot, "Stretched around my fingers like this...will I fuck you?" 

"J-Just....Just get on with it Please ,"  

Likely embarrassed that Zoro had made him feel really good. Zoro grinned before pulling his fingers out and grabbing the lube again. He covered his cock in lube before making sure there was plenty on Sanji's hole. Zoro moved so he could get in between Sanji's legs. He moved his hand to grab a hold of his cock only so he could guide it into Sanji's awaiting hole. He couldn't think of a place he'd rather be, and Sanji couldn't think of a place he would rather be. 

This was real bliss. 

"Fuck...you feel good," 

Sanji gripped the bed as Zoro moved in inch by inch. He took a hold of Sanji's hips so he could bury himself into his ass. Sanji couldn't help but close his eyes and groan. It wasn't overly painful; he'd gotten used to it the number of times he'd done it to himself. Even after, Sanji still filled himself when he was masturbating because it just made things 100x better. 

Zoro pulled his hips back and then back in. He wanted Sanji to feel and get used to every inch of his cock before it was pulled back out and then back in again. His thrusts were set as a steady pace. His lips were on Sanji's. His lips were drawing out breaths and then lapping up the flavours of the blonde underneath in. Sanji swore this didn't change anything and that he would go back to resenting and hating him afterwards, but this felt... 

Well, all is fair in love and in war, isn't it? 

Zoro's hips began to quicken in pace, but it didn't get overly fast. His hands held onto Sanji's hips tight in a way that would probably cause bruises from the way that the pads sunk into the pale skin underneath them. If anything, it would be a hidden reminder of what they had done. 

Sanji was getting closer to the edge, and it felt much more intense than when he had done it himself. The way his legs shook and the way he clenched around Zoro's cock. Zoro knew he'd be able to watch Sanji cum soon like in those videos and that would be absolutely divine. Zoro dipped his head into Sanji's neck and began to kiss him a few times before biting into the crook of his neck which made Sanji gasp. Suddenly, a hand was wrapped around his cock and Sanji groaned, thrusting his hips into Zoro's hand. 

"Come for me...I need to watch you..." 

Zoro didn't need to say anymore. Sanji's hips moved forward, and he arched his back against the bed as Zoro began to milk his cock. His hole gripped around Zoro's cock as Sanji let out a pathetic whine as he came into Zoro's hand. It was too much for Zoro too who came with a pant and painted Sanji's insides with stipes of cum. He continued to fuck him until they were both over their orgasm and then Zoro just stopped and panted next to Sanji once he had pulled out. 

All Sanji could do was look at the celling. All he could think about was the post-orgasmic bliss...or not really. 

At the end of it all, it changed nothing between them and as Sanji lay there in all the glory of the morning, that thought occurred into his head. Maybe Zoro didn't see it. Maybe this was a distraction to stop him from thinking about what happened between them or maybe it was something else entirely. Whatever it was, Sanji looked up at the celling of his bedroom while he puffed and panted. He turned his head towards the window and memories of what happened a few months ago flooded his brain and there was a pang of hurt in his chest. He didn't forgive Zoro. He couldn't forgive Zoro and he never would.  

This changed nothing. 

"I love you," 

Sanji was caught off guard, but he wasn't surprised to hear him confess such things. After all, that was what all this was about. A game that had become more serious as the days went on.  

Sanji couldn't say it back. It wasn't true. Even in the intense moment where he maybe had the smallest smidge of feelings, he couldn't say that he loved Zoro. No. Not after all that happened. He didn't think it would be possible for him to love Zoro. He didn't say anything and when Sanji didn't say anything, Zoro didn't press it any further. In fact, he didn't say anything. He just got dressed and left without saying another word. There was a small acknowledgement of each other's existence here and there but otherwise they didn't exchange much words. Once Zoro was gone, Sanji moved onto his side and faced away from the window. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to acknowledge any of this anymore. 

It was a mistake. He thought it might change things, but it didn't, and he was a fool for thinking it might change something.  

A MONTH LATER.  

Sanji never really closed for Zeff much anymore. Zeff must have taken some resemblance of pity on him but for a change, Sanji asked if he could do the honours. Zeff was a little suspicious of Sanji's reasoning, but he framed it as being a thank you for all the good things he had done for him. It was...partially that, but Luffy has been complaining recently about not being able to raid the fridges so he promised that if he could get rid of Zeff for the night, Luffy could come by the restaurant. Apart from it was never just Luffy was it? It was Nami and... well, Zoro. Zoro had started coming by with the others too once again just like he used to before all of...this. 

At first, it made Sanji feel a little apprehensive about it considering that he really didn't know what to expect but it ended up being like normal. As if nothing ever changed. Maybe nothing ever did change. Everything that he'd went through with Zoro, and it was as if nothing ever happened.  

"SANJI!" 

Sanji was in the back office getting ready to close when he heard Luffy's booming voice and him banging on the window. No matter how many times he had told him not to do that, Luffy still did it anyway. Despite how it used to annoy him, now it just made him smile. He finished what he was doing and got up to let them in. 

Sanji made his way over to the door. He had to admit it, but he missed this so much. This whole thing brought him a sense of familiarity and comfort. Luffy's boisterous presence and Nami's knowing smile were part of a routine he unknowingly loved and missed when things happened not that long ago. 

As he opened the door to let them in, Luffy burst through the door and immediately ran to the kitchen, "Sanji! I'm starving! What's for dinner?!?" Luffy's enthusiasm was infectious. Sanji couldn't help but smile as the chaos it brought with it.  

Nami followed in the door, "You know, you didn't have to do this. You deserve your evenings off," 

Sanji returned the smile, "It's no trouble. I missed having you all here," 

His gaze shifted to Zoro who was always the last to enter. As always, he carried a nonchalantness about him but... 

"What the hell you looking at, curly?" 

Ah yes. Things were back to true form. 

"Whatever the hell you are, moss head," Sanji went to do his usual, block Zoro from getting in but Zoro was too quick for him and got in no problem.  

"Like hell you are. I'll beat your ass," 

Quiet. But then their eyes met briefly and there was a quiet acknowledgement of each other. A silent telepathic communication that didn't need words to say how they felt about each other.  

The evening unfolded with ease. Luffy raided the kitchen, Nami chatted with Sanji about the latest happenings and Zoro sat at the bar with a beer and watched the usual scene. The atmosphere was lively and warm, and it was filled with laughter. Sanji cooked his friends a meal, something he sometimes did if he could hide from Zeff that he had been using the restaurant's resources. As the evening developed, Sanji and Zoro were back to their usual. Occasional barbs that looked like they had returned to their own ways. 

As Sanji served up the meal, Luffy grew excited, and his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. Nami continued to chat with Sanji as they caught up on recent events. Zoro was content to watch the scene unfold as he sipped his beer and occasionally joined in on the conversation. Oh, and of course, to banter with Sanji. There was a renewed sense of camaraderie among the group, and it truly felt like a family sometimes. 

As the night began to wound down, Luffy and Nami prepared to leave. Sanji was quite tired and was looking forward to resting for the night, but he couldn't help the great deal of love her felt when he looked at his friends around the room. The warmth of the evening continues to linger. As those two left, Zoro lingered a tad looking back at Sanji but not saying much before he left.  

Sanji was cleaning up the restaurant making sure that they didn't leave a trace that they had been when he felt his phone buzz. He reached into his pocket as he leaned against the table. 

Zoro. Finally, he changed the name on his phone to Zoro. 

Z: So, will I wait for you upstairs?  

Sanji couldn't help the small smile that came onto his face. Things didn't change. This didn't change the past. 

However, that didn't mean that things could blossom. 

S: Sounds good.  

S: See you soon, Mosshead.  

[captain-amadeus]

You have some of the literal best takes ever about Stf characters. Chief ones among them being you get the point of the show!!! which is to give people the opportunity to change, and you don't hate them obnoxiously to prop up cedric (who doesn't need that to begin with anyways)

Basically I'm just so happy there's people out here who like Roland and Chrysta and all the other good characters the fandom demonizes

GAHHHHHH

/pos this is so nice man

I do not understand why people are so adamant to point out every other character's flaws, and yet they make Cedric out to be correct in so many situations that have so much grey area to them. Cedric was NOT always the best person because he was not treated the best. The thing is people sometimes do bad things if they are treated badly, but when treated with kindness, can change for the better. That is literally the whole thing about Cedric and Sofia's dynamic: Sofia is good towards Cedric, which makes Cedric want to be good, despite how people treated him in the pass. It's even thanks to Sofia convincing others to treat Cedric better and give him a chance to show what he's capable of that overall allows Cedric to be better off in his life.

While Cedric does change for the better, he still does some things that aren't justifiable. It depends on how much other characters are willing to forgive him, but the ending of Day of the Sorcerers shows how despite people like Roland not completely forgiving his actions right away are willing to give him another chance because Roland realizes there was a REASON why he did all of this, and that there could be something done to get to the root of the problem.

There's also this thing called "people aren’t perfect and they will make mistakes, but that doesn't make them completely evil," and I feel like the fandom forgets that a lot. Especially with Roland.

Oh my god, Roland is hung up on a crucifix for breathing. I can't fathom how people come to the conclusion that Roland is the worst father to Sofia, when he's actually one of the sweetest dads I've seen in fiction.

I feel there's a lot of reasons why people mischaracterize him so much like:

1) He treats Cedric a bit poorly (and yes, the things Roland said about Cedric were bad, but Roland doesn't come from hating Cedric. It's more of a pity he has towards him, which is still disappointing because Roland should've supported Cedric more, but because he grew up with the notion that Cedric isn't as capable as his father, doubts Cedric's abilities like everyone else. He still has good intentions and doesn't mean to hurt his feelings, could talk about Cedric's Apprentice but we'd be here all day, but he still does because he doesn't quite recognize how his words impact his confidence)

2) People watch and focus on the Cedric centric episodes and think that Roland isn't doing his job as a father, when there's so many reasons why he can't always be on screen.

Personally reason two sort of icks me out, because people don't recognize how the small moments with Sofia and Roland have as much value as with Sofia and Cedric, but also kind of strange why people make Sofia and Cedric have this extremely close relationship where Sofia only goes to Cedric for literally everything. There is little balance when it comes to who Sofia interacts with in fan stuff, and I can see why their bond is father-daughter coded. Just, man, it's like she doesn't have an entire family she can turn to for help, who've shown nothing but support for her, where Cedric is the only person that exists for her in this stuff that it's, man at least let her talk with Miranda who is the best character in the show and the best mother ever when she needs help like she does in the show. Or maybe have her figure things out with Amber and/or James, hell, even Clover could offer a few words, the worst thing that could happen is the advice doesn't help and everyone learns a lesson in the end like in the SHOW.

Anyways I'll just stop here and say I will always love the royal family as a whole and as individuals, despite how most of them are ignored or demonized. You are very swag HEHSHSISJHDUEJSBEIJD

[agirlwithdemonblood]

Through the Shadows: Chapter 18 - Leaving Love Behind

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Reader

Series Summary: A hunter's Journey through despair and recovery is guided by Dean Winchester's unwavering love, leading her to reclaim her strength, voice and hope for their shared future.

Chapter Summary: Y/N does the only thing she can think of, leave.

Warnings: Loads of angst, I'm sorry! It gets worse before it gets better.

Series Masterlist here!! & Main masterlist here!

The drive back to the bunker was filled with a heavy silence, the weight of regrets and lingering tension filling the car. Dean's hands gripped the steering wheel, knuckles white, as he wrestled with the aftermath of his drunken outburst.

The guilt chewed at him-he knew she was going through something deep, and his harsh words had only made things worse. His mind raced, trying to form an apology, but the right words escaped him.

When they finally arrived at the bunker, Sam, sensing the thick tension, quickly excused himself, leaving Dean and Y/N alone. She moved to get out of the car, her movements slow and deliberate, and Dean took a deep breath, gaining courage to say what he needed to.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out, voice low but sincere. "I don't remember everything from last night, but I remember some of it and... I feel ashamed for what I said."

Y/N kept her gaze firmly on the ground, her voice barely ave a whisper as she tried to contain the emotions. "You didn't say anything you didn't mean, Dean. Drunk words are sober thoughts." She opened the door, looking back at him with heartbreak in her eyes, "I'm the one who's sorry. You were right, its my fault you broke the promise."

Dean's heart ached at her words. "No, that's not-" he began, but she was already out of the car, walking away with her head down, shoulders bent.

Inside the bunker, she retreated to her room, her mind a whirl of conflicting emotions. As the hours passed, the decision she made made became set. She couldn't stay here, not like this, not with the way things have deteriorated. The memories of their kiss, their laughter and the deep connection they had shared now felt like a cruel reminder of what could never be.

As night fell, she quietly packed her belongings, her heart heavy with sadness. She sat down at her desk, pen in hand, and wrote two notes, each tear-streaked and heartfelt.

The first note was for Sam.

Dear Sam, I wanted to thank you for your unwavering friendship and understanding, and apologize for any pain I have caused. I can't explain how grateful I am to you for being such a great friend, the best I've ever had. I promise I will never forget your kindness and support, and everything you've done for me. I hope one day you can forgive me, I never meant to hurt anyone.

The second note was for Dean. Her hand trembled as she wrote, each word a knife twisting in her heart.

Dear Dean, I am truly sorry for making you fall in love with me, knowing I had made you promise not to. It was never my intention to hurt you, that's the last thing I wanted, and I know I can't take back the things I've done, even though I really wish I could. You deserve everything good in this world, you deserve a real, true love with somebody who could give you more than I ever could. I can't thank you enough for all that you've done for me, all the patience you've shown me, all the comfort and love youv'e poured over me. I wish I could give you what you want and need, but deep down I am not a person worthy of love, I am not good enough. Maybe in another life, things would have worked out differently. I hope you find your happy ending Dean, I truly do.

With a deep, shuddering breath, she placed the notes on the kitchen table where she knew they would find them. She took one last look around the bunker, the place that had been her safe haven, her home, and quietly slipped out into the night.

The cold air stung her face as she walked away, her footsteps echoing in the silence. Each step was a painful goodbye to the life she had known, to the people she had come to care for deeply. She didn't know where she was going, only that she couldn't stay.

The promise she had made to herself, to keep her heart closed off, had been shattered by her love for Dean. And now, leaving was the only way she knew to protect herself and protect him too.

As the darkness swallowed her, she felt the weight of her decision settle over her like a heavy cloak, each step taking her further away from the life and the love she had tried so hard to deny.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Chapter 19  coming soon stay tuned!

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