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hazelfoureyes · 5 months ago

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The Radio Demon Fucks a Human Sacrifice (deleted scene)

⟢Alastor x Reader - The Radio Demon fucks a Human Sacrifice (A Valentino Production)

Valentino has acquired a living, breathing human in hell. But at the begging of Angel, Alastor makes a deal in exchange for her soul.

Part 1 smut 💦 Part 2 smut 💦 Side Story Part 3 smut 💦 Part 4 smut💦 Epilogue sexual Deleted Scene smut 💦 📍

I simply couldn’t fit this in anywhere but it’s still a fun lil read so figured might as well share. Wrote back in like February 😅 you may see I cannabalized some lines from this as I never intended to post it

「Warnings/Promises: Alastor x Fem Reader short smutty scene , love making???, Alastor is oddly affectionate and loving, you got him so fucked up, cream pie, riding him like a coin operated airplane in front of the grocery store, so like slow but still super fun?, deleted scene so starts and ends abruptly, redemption is for losers, Alastor moans」

Minors, hey,

hey

💥🗞️DNI

“I’m hopeless.”

“About what?” You glanced at him, a small laugh coming.

When he didn’t reply, you looked back at him, lingering a little longer.

His smile softened, eyes seeming to dilate ever so slowly as he stared. Finally, “Redemption. What a silly little thing.”

You hummed in agreement, going back to your phone, “Right? Who needs heaven when I have everything I need here.”

Had you said it on purpose? So easily cut into him? Was this surgical precision or dumb luck?

He laughed , “You always seem to understand perfectly, my little doe. How do you do it?”

Your smile reached your eyes, “I was made to be your undoing, remember? It comes naturally, mon cher.”

He pulled the phone from your hands and set it on the blanket, mouth coming to the well of your ear, “Say it again”

A chill ran down your spine, fine hair standing on end as goosebumps ran down your arm. “Mon Cher,” the words barely left your mouth before he kissed you, swallowing them into himself. Why? How? A hunger still foreign to him, rising from his lap and igniting his chest.

You felt his hands trembling on your chin, "Are you okay Alastor?

He shook his head no. "I want all of you, my love."

A word you hadn't anticipated. Hadn’t planned for. Hadn’t even dreamed of.

"You have my eternal soul, pretty sure I also threw my body into the deal," He kissed along your jaw then down your neck, making you sigh and relax against his mouth, "What else is there?"

"I don't know. I dont know what I'm saying." He pulled you onto him, setting you on his lap with bent legs holding you steady. Bringing you down for a soft kiss on your lips, "Why does heaven get to decide what redemption looks like?"

He moved aside your sleep shorts, humming happily to find you wearing nothing underneath.

Alastor famously hated you on top. You learned intimately what inspired him to be in the mood, and you on top was decidedly not it. He pulled down his own pajama pants, and began to rub his sticky wet head against your heat.

"Alastor, you -- I thought you didn't like me on top?" You asked, trying to not discourage him.

"I have an odd appetite today, dear. Entertain me?" He began to push in, hands coming to your hips to bring you down onto him. You rested both hands onto his chest for balance, breath already quickening with the burn of him stretching you out first thing in the morning.

When he began to lift your hips and move you up and down his length, you could understand why this would still satiate him. He was still taking the lead, still the one in control.

But something unusual was happening, he was uncharacteristcally vocal. Normally, the only sounds during sex with him were your own pants, his breathing, and the sound of his body slapping into yours. A rare moan tumbled from his mouth, making you clench around him. You licked your lips, wanting another. His eyes were on your connection, watching himself sink into you and disappear entirely. His face was…indiscernable. Somewhere between entranced and desperate.

You took a chance, seeing he was in a different mood than ever before. Putting his hands in yours, you brought them off your hips and laced your fingers into his. As his hands met yours, you leaned into them and let him hold your weight as you rode him. As you tried to find a pace, you watched his eyes tighten close, another breathy moan forced out of him.

Oh, the things that sound did to you. Was this was how good he felt when he was fucking you? Was this that high he seemed to be chasing every time you eagerly let him pin you down?

Unpracticed and clumsy, your hips rolled over his cock. Soon you were letting your full body weight fall into his lap as you plunged him as deeply as you could. You leaned in for a kiss, your own motions making your mouths slide over each other as your lips tried to make contact in the right places. Failing, you left kisses on his chin, his cheek, just below his nose. Another moan, a sigh, then--- did you hear your name ghost over your mouth?

That was all you needed, you slowed and ground down on him, friction bringing you to the edge and tossing your body over it with a violent shudder.

As you stilled, trying to ride out your orgasm, Alastor bucked up into you. A little scream as your softened walls jumped at the contact. Another thrust up, until he was fucking you through the after effects of your orgasm, chasing his own. You wanted to say something, but you didn't want to push. This was already so out of the norm, you felt the moment was fragile.

He whinced, a series of moans threatening to make you cum all over again as he met his release. You could feel his cock jerking inside you, twitching as he flooded you with his seed. What a lovely feeling, warm and full. You wanted to roll off before you dripped down him, another thing you knew he was uncomfortable with. But when you tried to move his hands went back to your hips and pressed you down. His head pushing deep against the end of your cunt.

"Please, just-- stay like this for me." His voice was low and soft against your cheek, a loud crack of static peppering his voice.

You'd stay like this until the inevitable heat death of the universe if he asked. You'd never leave his cock if he so much as mentioned the idea.

#alastor smut #alastor #hazbin hotel #alastor x reader #alastor x reader smut #hazbin hotel smut #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel fanfiction #fanfiction #alastor x you #alastor fanfiction

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beatcroc · 9 months ago

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a year!!! as of today i have now been drawing these funny little pizza freaks, to the exclusion of almost everything else, for!!! an entire year!!! i wanted to do a nice group shot/lineup of everybody to compare to when i first started trying to draw them because oh boy were they bad. i never even posted most of them anywhere because they were so bad. but im posting them here, now, to see how everything's changed/evolved.

this is probably the hardest time i've ever had trying to figure out how to work with a style, but we got there eventually; i'm pretty happy with the handle i've got on everybody now...dont let ur memes be dreams. lots of unimportant journaling and idle thoughts abt it below.

older pics

the first one is the VERY first time i drew them, before i thought i was going to actually have any interest in drawing them [lmao]; it was just the one isolated image, for my friendserver, to illustrate the funney message, so there was no attempt to make it Good or actually understand anything going on w/ the designs or style.

second is the original run of practices sketches to start trying to figure them out for real; done after i started having ideas for the comics and such and realized oh god maybe i am actually gonna draw fanart for this. [again, lol, and lmao.]

third one is the first pt art thing i posted on here. there were a couple weeks of sprite studies between this one and the previous image. the one on the top right wasn't part of that post i just threw it on as space filler; i'd intended to shift to doing Sprite Redraws But Stylized to explore tings more, but that was the only one i did. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

individual characters

peppino: by far the hardest dear god. bro what ARE your shapes how DOES your face work. jesus christ. everything i have trouble with this style for, peppino has it in excess. i draw in polygons! i need consistency! and that is the last thing this kind of style is concerned with. they are made of squarshy clay and i do not understand how to mold them. i was really hoping trying to learn this game's style would GIVE me that kind of flexibility for fun exaggerated facial expression but i don't think much came of it in the end 😔. anyway on the bright side all this means once i got peppino figured out a little bit everybody else clicked way easier.

fake peppino: honestly i never did anything with him on purpose except for how his eyes work + the perma-smile thing. i figured ok hes supposed to look weird and off model so whatever happens with him happens. and it did. and it kept happening. it is still, in fact, happening.

noise/ette: somehow, for every bit that peppino was the least natural thing i've ever tried, these two worked pretty much right off the bat. i still don't understand it, seeing as pretty much all the things at play for peppino are also at work for them. i think the new sketches are actually a little worse than older ones but not enough that i care.

gustavo: really funny bc i drew him on model twice and just went 'okay, cool nice, easy, um. he doesn't have any fucking legs?' fortunately he was the only one i had a strong idea for how to stylize him [square] and it worked exactly as i was hoping so wahoo.

brick: is an animal and therefore 5000x easier and more natural for me to draw/stylize than anything else in the cast. that is Just a rat bro. i can draw a rat.

gerome: i think the funniest one here. the most drastic and least necessary change imo. i was gonna have him be really small at first, like smaller than the noises, but then i just... didn't. he's just peppino-sized now. also i gave him like. actual human facial structure, which is funny bc in most cases i'd do anything to avoid, but it works well for his being A Rock to give him some angles and definition like that+ to differentiate his vibe from the rest of the cast who are all very squishy. also since he is essentially Just A Head it's good to emphasize that too ig.

john: i only drew john a couple times but he gets to be here because i like him. and because most of the stuff i applied to gerome was readily applicable to john, though i did try to keep him a little more uncanny because he is a Huge And Lanky Freak. i hate that he is barefoot btw but idk how to make his color balance look right with shoes.

pizzahead: i did not want to put him on here honestly but i Have drawn him a handful of times and more importantly i didn't know what i was gonna do with john's pose if i didn't have him there to be glared at. the only thing that's different with him is giving him wider-bottomed pants, which i got from when i tried to draw these guys in clone high style [i never posted that one either][i will eventually]

snick: he gets to be here because 1. he's like 6 lines 2. i like him and 3. ive scribbled him a few times offhand and it went pretty well

misc

there are some guys missing because those are guys i didn't draw enough [or at all] to have gotten comfortable with them. sorry

i would have Liked to shade these but for the time being i have accepted that my grasp of light/shadow has decayed to the point im not going to be happy with anything i try there, so For Now i am working on my presentation with flats i guess. gerome has a shadow only because he's shaded like that ingame and looks naked without it

anyway if you are still reading [hi?] i get to shamelessly plug now. i'm over the hill of my pizza run now, and while i still have plenty of things i want to make here, most of the bigger more in-depth ones have passed. pizza tower was the first thing in THREE YEARS to get me out of my oc groove to doing fanart, and once i am done with my ideas here i will be going right back to it. if you like my art or how i write characters/interactions you should check out my oc/webcomic blog @jamverse . i can't promise people who like pizza stuff will be terribly into my designs, but i can guarantee i treat my guys with the exact same sort of tone i handle the pt guys with. and hell, i've mentioned it a few times before, but like 70% of my characterization for fake pep is just copied off one of my characters, so if u are going to miss him... he will still be there in spirit >;p

and if you dont care about any of that and are still reading thank you anyway. actually making these comics + seeing how shockingly well-received they've been has done a lot for my confidence, and for seeing that my kind of stuff IS something people enjoy :')

#pizza tower #peppino spaghetti #fake peppino #gustavo and brick #the noise #noisette #pizzahead #arting #pizzaposting

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caterpillarinacave · 2 years ago

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"Send me a character" Henry

Three people actually asked for this one (and the first got eaten) so I'm gonna answer them all here.

Just an fyi this post is very long, please excuse grammar, rambling, spelling ect

favorite thing about them

Man, where do I start?

Not to be sappy, but as far as characters go he means a lot to me. Ive talked about this before, but I was diagnosed as autistic at ten, after really struggling for a long time. As an autistic, traumatized, kid in my specific childhood situation there wasnt anywhere for me to fit in. I really, genuinely meant well, but I meant so well it was just annoying. For all my trying I could not manage a meaningful connection. Naturally, this made me a very lonely child.

As all lonley children know, when you have no friends you get to make friends with fictional characters, which I had no problem doing. However, I couldnt actually relate to any of the characters.

When it comes to character representation in media I really had never seen a character that I related to, autistic or otherwise. “Normal” characters didnt experience the struggles that were such a big part of my life, and characters portrayed as autistic had no personality outside the autism. They were all either robotic or just children. Personally, as someone who is emotional, bright, and very animated, I couldnt relate at all to the stoic, robotic, characters, and I certainly wasnt relating to an oversized toddler.

(Frankly, one of the reasons I think Henry is such an excellent rep is because CC didnt go in with the intention of making an autistic character, and therefore didnt fall into the pitfalls non-autistic creators usually do. The issues I have with the characters she intended to be autistic arent applicable to Henry, which I do have some theories about, but thats off topic. )

I could always find characters I could connect to those around me. There were characters like my mom, like my little sister or older brother. I collected books with characters who had the same name as me, I bought stories set in towns like mine, then abandoned them for the same types of towns but twenty years ago so I could pretend that in some point in time, I might have had friends.

Yes, I spent a lot of time crying in the corner and reading books under my desk.

However, when I read TID it was the first time I had ever, in my life, witnessed a character who I found both extremely relatable and incredibly cool.

An example that tends to stick with me is this scene:

It might just be a random thing, but frankly it was a pretty big deal to me. The misunderstanding of an “obvious social cue”, the pride in thinking you had read the situation right, a person that you care about being mad at you when you were trying to help them, the “why didnt they just say so?” , the awful feeling when everyone else is looped in on a thing that makes no sense? These are things that I experienced daily, now, but more so when I was young.

I’d oftend respond in situations thinking I had it right. I could go over my answer with a fine tooth comb, find no issues with it, only to be met with a negative response because I had violated a rule that I didnt know existed.

Its a terrible feeling. The people around you are so familiar with the “rules” they dont even realise they have them. They never can tell you what made your response inappropriate in this situation, but normal and fine in another. I spent so much time feeling so stupid, because I just cant figure these rules out.

The characters I watched that suck at socializing sucked because they were rude, they didnt like people, they didnt want to socailze ect ect ect, as opposed to being genuinely, agonizingly confused. Everyone else I saw, everyone I wanted to be like had this talented, this knowledge, that is abosloutley unubtainble.

When I first read that scene I finally saw something that understood that feeling. Sure, it wasnt from Henry’s point of view, but it proved the situation that felt like a special torture just for me was something other people experienced.

The general hostility from the rest of the shadowhunter world was also something I find somewhat… comforting? For me, even as talented, well adjusted, and promising as I may be, the majority of people still treat me with something from dismal to unease to downright cruelty.

Just like Henry could make amazing breakthroughs in science and still be snickered at by the rest of the world, I can make the honor roll, win competitions, excel at everything handed to me, and people still snort, poke, and call me stupid because of “basic” things I cant do. Its inevtible, and something I just cant change.

This a character that is interesting, talented, valued in society. He has an actual relationship, with someone he loves, who loves him just as much. He has layers outside of the ASD characterics, varied interests. He does get upset with people, he is passionate, good at multiple things, the lsit goes on and on.

And when I say this meant the world to little old me, it meant the world.

For the first time I was seeing a character I related to, and they werent stupid, mean, or alone.

At the moment I’m really trying to learn to not hate myself, and to love my life. Some things wont ever change, and people will likely always treat me differently. However, I am trying to teach myself that ASD Its not a bad thing. I’m not flawed, I can be successful, I can have a social life, I can have a relationship, and theres nothing about me to “fix”. Autism isnt a bad word, my diagnoses are not the end of my life, and I am still a full complete person worthy of love and respect.

Even when I was younger, and wasnt ready or able to find out how to love myself, or work on stop hating my ASD, I still reread TID again and again because of all the characters in the world I probably look up to Henry the most.

The thing is, even though its been years since I read those books, Henry is still the character I go back to to remind myself of those things.

This was a character that hated themselves just as much as hate myself, but had managed to move past that. He never “fixed” or “got rid of” the things that were difficult, the rest of the world didnt have a “oh we wont be mean” moment. He dealt with the issues ASD presents, moved past the self doubt, and was still the same character at the end of it all.

TID introduced the idea that maybe, just maybe, I could love myself, and I could be happy without destroying the things that made me me. And maybe, just maybe I wasnt as alone as I thought.

Over the years I’ve had more than my fair share of health issues, been to many specalists, and have spent my fair share of time holding back tears in a doctors office wondering if this is the end of my life.

And every time I come home I go back to a character from a goofy, vaguely trashy romance novel that came out in the early 2000s and remind myself that my life is worth it.

2. Least favorite thing about them

Clearly there's not much I dont like, but the things I do dislike stem back to how CC handles him as a character. He's one of those characters you can tell CC isn't super invested in. Theres massive potential in both him and Charlotte, and I wish that CC would just focus on them a little more.

There are so many little lines that allude to something much deeper, something that could be explored if Cassie would just do it. Talk about that romance, talk about the disabilities, talk about the way society treats them both, talk about the falling in love, talk about the disabilities, talk about the relationships with the rest of the TID cast, talk about the disabilites, talk about the grief, talk about the guilt, talk about the war, talk about what happend in the family lines, talk about it all. Oh, and talk about the disabilites Cassie. Do it.

3. favorite line:

Yeah, this is the part that took my so long to write, I had to hunt around to pick just one. So, since I got three asks, you get three lines.

“Really, how could we have been so stupid?

Well, I’m not surprised about me,” said Henry. “But honestly Charlotte, you ought to have known better.” - Clockwork Prince

“Youre marrying your fathers friend on the council? Which one?” - Clockwork Princess

“That ba-bad man," he finished, with a quick glance at Cecily who rolled her eyes... -Clockwork Princess

4. brOTP

Oh, Magnus Bane definitely. I feel like people gloss over how much they cared about eachother. Magnus was probably the first person to share any of his interests, and the first not Charlotte person who didnt instantly dismiss him. For Magnus that was the first time he had met a shadowhunter who genuinely thought outside the box. Try as he might it seems like shadowhunters just dont like Henry, whereas downworlds think hes the best.

OTP

Charlotte and Henry. They invented romance. Relationship goals. Would die for them.

nOTP

Anyone who isnt Charlotte.

random headcanon

Since this question has been asked three times you all get three headcanns:

My man is tall. And has upperbody strength. A lot of it. He might be about 0% body fat, but hes got muscle.

Several times Henry was sent to find teen Will and retrieve him from his dangerous stupidity. Will’s attempts at defiance where swiftly nixed when Henry just tossed him over his shoulder and left.

Jessamine is throwing a tantrum because she doesnt want to be out on patrol, and Will throwing a tantrum because he can? Non-issue, hell carry them both to the carriage. Charlotte said be back at midnight, they will be back at midnight, teen angst be damned.

Literally only gets stronger as he gets older.

(All yall with fucked up bodies know the more your legs dont work the more upper body strength you get. Its only logical. If youve got enough upper body strength and someone to hold onto, you can hold yourself basically upright, which works great until whoeverse holding you gets distracted and stops holding you up. Then your going down the USSR in the 90s.

Yeah, Will and his short little attention span were not the best person to hold onto.)

–

The little kids love him. I mean, come on. He has so many glittery things in his pockets. So much to do. Knows fun stories, knows funny words. Funny hair. He lets them fuck around with his pocket watches. Fun chair. Easy to climb all over. Is not talking about the boring things with some of the adults. Gives great gifts. Happy to listen to you talk, actually remembers what you said. Unbothered by everything. Christophers was clinging to him from two years old on.

–

He has two scars on his side where the automaton had grabbed him during the battle of Cadair Idris.

The Silent Brothers were really busy trying ot keep him from, you know, dying, and didnt really get to it. By the time they would have he was sick of them, took the rune and left the scar. To him its just one of many, many random scars.

8. unpopular opinion

Cassie dropped the ball big time in TLH with him.

She did for most of the TID cast, tbh. She really has to mess with characters to make the TLH storyline make sense, and as much as I do love TLH its hard to enjoy when your going “they would not do that”. Its a pretty good example of how Cassie doesnt care about all her characters equally, and is willing to toss them away in favor of the main cast. For example, she keeps Will (and usually Tessa) very in character. With some work she could have done that with the rest of the TID cast, but she really. Doesnt.

When you look at it from a TID standpoint its very clear how much she cares about each person, and which one she doesnt really give a shit about anymore. Alas, Henry is on the lower end of that spectrum, along with a bunch of other characters. Hand them over CC ill give them the love they deserve.

9. song i associate with them

Once again, got a playlist in the works, but one the one that comes to mind is Zoned Out In My Youth by Unlike Pluto. Also Ed Sheeran is a Henry x Charlotte artist. Just listen to Afterglow.

10. favorite picture of them

How do I even pick. I spent hours picking. This has been the choice of my life. It has also reminded me we need more fanart of him. Someone with talent should get on that.

Anyway, take two, couldnt pick:

(Excuse me??? They are so cute? Peak romance <3<3<3 pretty hair<3 Anyway the flower pin? The ring? The tie tack/clip? Beautiful stunning amazing I love him<3)

#there is nothing i cant elabortate on here #off topic #rambling #tsc #tid #tlh #henry fairchild #henry branwell #i could keep talking #did i cry a little bit writing the first part #you will never know #look i was a lonley kid #and an emtional person

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szif · 5 months ago

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im not partial to making a post thats taken as me getting in the line and laughing with everyone else about white people because i think that'd be pretty much the same as a fool laughing at another fool just to have the sensation of being with the "right" people or getting a sense of superiority. like i'm clearly not intended to be there or to be a part of anything here and implying im totally Not one of the bad whites im a good white look at me everyone im one of you. or something like that. i think people can get carried away and consider themselves the good one of like, a group/type of people and get overly comfortable with being seen as an exception. you can pretty much see that anywhere and with anyone. its like quicksand or something, a very weird thing to do and to get into

im more interested right now at just analyzing how patheticly low certain people can dig to keep their comfort by always digging into discomfort because they don't want to intentionally look away but they'd rather want the world to shut up so that they can be comfortable and want everyone to abide by their own rules because even someone looking at them slightly wrong will shatter them. i think everyone can make an example of this type of person not just because they're everywhere but because most of the tumblr userbase is made up by them. i've thinking some about this & how these people present themselves, how you can spot what theyre like and what do they feel and say to others to keep this sort of like, mental barrier up to never ever reach true comfort with life. i think they're very interesting and of course unfortunate to see them in your notes or see them reply to something you've said making them feel like fruitflies in the tumblr ecosystem.

like, how do you think it's like to be that person. to always be that defensive but never having any real point besides "i want the world to leave me alone" (="everyone shut up. i dont like what you say because it doesnt paint me as a little marshmallow you cuddle".) like at a certain point you'd think they'd find the will to not be this deep in a self-dug pit with zero sympathy but actually nope. but the thing about it thats interesting is that they can clearly get out of this mindset and not do it. like, it's not reflex to them or much their entire self, they just use this and feel trapped in this action that they. actively. do. that they actively choose..... to do...... and it's pretty crazy how you can see they're pretty intentionally keeping up this profile of theirs hoping it benefits them but it. never really does? (or does it. much to think about. not really but feel free to.) like, it just passively makes them more hopeless and doesn't get what they want or need across all that much. and when they end up dropping it they feel better and actually aren't that detrimental to the general 50 kilometer area they occupy and don't exactly do much and actually resemble more of a person than a pre-coded program to whine at all times by making self-referential points it's like. they work better and have more to themselves.

but what happens afterwards is just like. they go "oh ok" and then revert back to their annoying shell everyone sees after a while and it's like. i really need to study these people underneath a microscope. i pretty much see the point of using whining to get what you want and swatting everyone away then calming down about it but you're in whining baby mode 24/7 so you never develop past it. but like. you can also clearly see what type of tumblr users fall into this category and where they're getting it from and what's really in common with them. so it's like. oh ok, would i also be like this? do you transform into this? do you hone your brain to be as rotten as this at one point and never go back? idk. much interesting to me actually! i hope to see more examples of them and to see what hurts them best and what makes them crack the active whining mask and how the process of it all goes down. im just really rambling about random stuff i semi-have the answer to anyways and dont matter much. i have a lot of free time and i like investing it to just think random

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that-lame-ghoul9000 · 2 years ago

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Maybe a shower smut with eddie ? 😗

April Showers 🌧

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Summary: Its the beginning of track season at Hawkins High. And while your boyfriend is super supportive(from under the bleachers) of your athletic choices, you can't deny practice has taken up way to much of your time. And Eddie intends to make up for lost time.

Word count: 3.3k 😳🥲

TW: SMUT 18+ MINORS GO TOUCH SOME GRASS, DONT INTERACT, established relationship, Shower sex, semi public sex (girls locker room), its a quicky that feels like forever because im a slut for getting carried away rambling. Im sorry. swearing, Unprotected sex it's not stated but reader is on birth control. Just pretend. (don't be silly, wrap your willy. A pregnancy test is one Etch-a-sketch that can't be undid homeskillet) -Oral- (m receiving) Spit. He spits in readers mouth. Pet names(baby or babe i can't remember, princess & sweetheart) probably forgot something. If I did please tell me.

This is so unedited. And written. Late at night.

A/n: 1.) Thank you so much for requesting this. I was so exited exited write it. With that said:

This is my first published work containing smut. Use lube and go easy on me I'll get better I swear. Give me feedback. Give me all the feedback.

2.)I never ran track. I don't know track season. So I'm sorry if this isn't accurate. I Googled HS track season and it said (training began oct-nov, with actual season being feb-may) and I just REALLY liked the title I picked. So sue me 🤣 and let me live in my fantasy world where after i had a choice I stopped participating in sports. Okay love you byeeee 😘

I do not give permission to have this posted anywhere else. (You'll only find it here and on my AO3 which is the same username) Please don't take my work. Ive worked hard on it and I'd like to continue doing it.

You were a good student. Reliable. Trustworthy. Responsible. Just a few adjectives thrown around by the faculty at Hawkins High. Which is why your guidance counselor and track coach had absolutely no problem giving you a spare key to the school gym and locker room only asking you clean up after yourself and lock up when you're done. Something you've been doing since last school year. You had a tendency to practice in the early hours of the morning. It was cool out. Quiet, with no one there to bother you. No overly horny teenage boys with way to much time on their hands and nothing better to do than yell scandalous risqué remarks at their classmates of the opposite sex simply because their little under developed, sex riddled, cavemen brains couldn't comput farther than: "Girls" "Shorts=ass" and running in a tee shirt was the closest half of them would ever get to seeing boobs bounce. Give them a few years. They may grow out of it.

For that late reason alone you preferred morning runs on the track. Reserving the after school evenings for team practice. Where you'd still try hard. But not hard enough to elicit said comments.

It's almost the end of April and most, if not all, of your time has been spent on this track. You began as soon as the leaves started falling in mid October at the indoor gym at the request of your coach. But it was a drive. Which is what prompted you to ask to use the gym in the mornings last year once it got semi warm enough to begin using the outdoor track.

If you weren't on the track you had your nose shoved in some AP class workbook. Grades were very important to you. Just as important as sports. As they went hand in hand. This unfortunately meant skipping out on plans with your friends. Often.

Which also meant having to "rain check" dates with your boyfriend. Claiming

"Unless you're going to throw 'Study' in front of that 'date' word, we're going to have to give it a rain check."

Now you'd think most guys would love a good 'Study' date. Not your boyfriend. It's as if the word itself was dipped in holy water and burned him simply thinking about it. Which is funny considering who he is. That's right. Little Ms. Straight A's Sporty McSportsPants boyfriend was none other than the infamous Devil worshiping, master of the occult, every parents worst nightmare for their sweet baby, friendly neighborhood bad boy.

Eddie. Mother fucking. Munson.

And although his chocolate button, puppy dog eyes were so close to making you say "fuck it" and toss your books in the air. You had to be the level headed responsible one of you both. Easier said than done. You'd not hadn't had much time together in months. Aside from the half hour at lunch, Mrs. O'Donnell's class (which she conveniently had you both on separate ends of the classroom) the few minutes after practice you got before having to rush home for dinner, and a night filled with homework. Your time together was really few and far between. And while it made you both sad, Eddie would still find cute ways to keep you from getting discouraged. From cute notes of encouragement in your locker on days you'd have track meets. (Especially the ones you were nervous about) Throwing rocks at your window after your parents had gone to bed to get some time in with you till you fell asleep. Even if it was only 10 minutes. And sometimes if you looked real close you'd see him under the bleachers cheering you on. You really couldn't understand why everyone thought the awful things they did about him.

On this particular morning it was cool out. Slightly windy. And very overcast. The gray sky looking like it would give way to rain at a moments notice. You almost opted to not practice this morning. But you had a big meet coming up this Saturday and there was no way you were losing. You pulled your Hawkins High Tigers hoodie off exposing your skin to the cool air. Letting out a shiver you jogged to the track. Looking at your watch

5:30am (this should be illegal)

Setting your alarm for 6:30, giving yourself exactly one hour before you needed to head to the locker room and hit the shower. Kids would start arriving by 7:30. This would give you the perfect amount of time to Shower, dry your hair and drop your clothes in your locker before grabbing a muffin and heading to class.

You begin running your laps and time just runs away with you. Though you're not racing a physical person you feel a sense of competition. You're racing time. And time is racing you.

~~~~♤~~~~~♡~~~~~♤~~~~

You made it 30 minutes in before you heard it. The soft low rumble of the incoming thunder announcing the imminent approaching storm. The wind began to pick up as well. Not that you'd complained it helped keep you cool for the most part.

Deciding not to chance it you run off to the bleachers and grab your bookbag along with your duffle that had your change of clothes, shampoo, towel and all important keys that granted you access to the areas of the school you needed. And with that you jogged to the school building.

As you reach the girls locker room you head into the shower room and turn the water on allowing it enough time to heat up. You exit back to the locker room and begin to remove your shoes and socks. But just as you're getting to your shorts you hear the door open. Causing you to pause.

"Hello? This room is currently being used."

Nothing.

"If there's someone in here you have exactly 3 seconds to make yourself known or I'll borrow Bethany's softball bat. And ive been told I've got a pretty good swing." You yell out.

"I'd love to see you swing a bat. Bet it be hot as hell."

You jump, turning on a heel to face the intruder. He's smirking at you from under that beautiful mess of hair.

"Edward Alan Munson, I can and I will if ever do that again. What are you doing here?" you ask confused. Knowing this man isn't known for getting up early.

"Firstly, just because Wayne let it slip the one night he came home early and saw us making out on the couch, doesn't mean my middle name is available for public use. Even if it's from someone as cute as you. And it is super cute when you use it in your 'I'm so serious tone." he boops your nose.

"Secondly, I knew you'd be here even if a tornado threatened to rip the school down to its foundation because you have your meet against Greenwood on Saturday and, for reasons I'll never understand in the world of sports, you'd rather die than let them win this year."

You rolled your eyes with a smile at his comment. It was a true statement.

"And thirdly, I'll take any time I can get with you." He smirks dropping his jacket and vest all in one go. "You just say the word. It's always better to shower with a friend. Conserve water you know. Great for the planet. Wouldn't want you to slip in there." His brain thinking of more excuses. But he's cut off as soon as he sees you slowly walk backward toward the showers pulling your shirt off and winking at him before dropping your shorts, grabbing your shampoo & body wash and walking through the door. And he's so quick to shed the rest of what's in the way almost falling and breaking his neck trying to get his jeans off. With a final tug his shirt falls to the ground and he's running after you like a kid in a candy store to the showers.

You were already under the water, in an attempt to try and at least was your body before all hell broke loose, when you feel his hands slowly snake around your hips a he pulls you closer to him. Until you feel his skin against yours. And his very prominent hard on pressed against your back. A shiver of excitement pulses through you in every direction as he slowly sweeps his hands across your body. Agonizingly slow. You lean your head back against his chest and he let's out a chuckle.

"Someone seems a little stressed." He says into your ear in a breathy voice that has your legs turning to jello. His hands feather light skimming across your breasts. So light you might have missed it if weren't for him adding the slightest of weight to his hand as he circled your nipper.

You felt yourself begin to relax under his touch. A breathy moan as you say his name,

"Eddie."

The verbal action making his cock twitch against your back.

"Yes Princess." He teased.

"Touch me, please."

"I am touching you." He laughed.

What he'd give to take his time with you. He'd have you so relaxed to the point you'd forget your own name. Only remembering his because he'd have you screaming it repeatedly. But he knew you were both on borrowed time so he cut to the chase.

"Okay sweetheart but only because you asked so nicely." He kissed the side of you temple as his hands moved lower and lower. Till he was still semi teasing you by gently rubbing your legs.

"Edd-" you didn't even get his name out before he said

"Let's see just how excited you are for me" and dipping his middle and ring finger to swipe through your slick folds.

Eliciting a moan that could only be described by Eddie as what the heavens must sound like.

"Jesus baby, even you can't play this one off as shower water. You're absolutely soaked." He said softly biting your ear. You're a mess, as he slides his fingers up slowly till he finds your clit and begins running soft figure eights into the little nub. Not enough to do to much but enough to get you more worked up. If it wasn't for Eddie holding you up right now you'd fall to the floor.

Which gives you an idea. Since you're kinda on a time crunch. You pull his hand away, even though it pained you to do it. Turn around, and grab his face before he can protest bridging the gap you've caused between you two for the most intense kiss to ever exist at 6:48 in the morning. A clashing of teeth and tongue but only for a brief moment. Because before the boy in front of you could register the series of events unfolding in front of him you drop to your knees looking up at him through wet lashes (which he's now moved to the top of his list of 'hottest images of my girlfriend burned into my brain to date')

Giving a slight devilish smile before running your hands delicately over his things in almost the same slow, agonizing pace he was teasing you with not moments ago.

Throwing his head back you hear him mutter a "fuuuuuck me" to which you replied "oh trust me i plan to" as you grasp his length in your left hand and begin stroking a few times. Making sure to run your thumb over his aching tip that's beading with pre-cum to gather it and as he looks down you stick in your mouth to suck off. A sort of pre-warning. One that he can barely handle. And with a pop you remove your thumb replacing back on his aching cock, pumping once. Twice. Thrice before giving the prominent vein under his cock a lick from base to tip finally taking as much of him in as you possibly could. Thank God for the wall behind him because he throws his head back and becomes one with the wall thrusting his hand into your hair and gathering it to keep it out of your face.

"F-Fuckin hell. You are so damn good at that. God's baby who knew such a good girl could have such a bad mouth."

The moan you release sending sweet vibrations to parts of him he didn't know existed. Its all going to his head. And rather quickly. You begin pumping what you can't fit as you continue bobbing your head up and down at a pace Eddie has deemed 'fucking perfect'.

"God baby if you keep up like this I won't last much longer." He looks down.

You look up at him with doe eyes through lashes coated in tiny water droplets. He's died and gone to heaven. He feels his release nearing and he's quick to remove himself before he does. Lifting you up to your feet.

"As much as I'd love to cum down your throat. Let's I don't know rain check it," He jests, 'because right now I want to fuck you up against," He paused looking at the 3 available walls in this shower wall eliminating the one with the knobs and shower head, "that wall. But first open, since i know you were so looking forward to having my cum run down your throat. Here's a substitute." He quickly takes his middle and ring finger, swiping them up your soaking cunt, returning them to his mouth to quickly suck and savor how you taste on his tongue. He taps your jaw and your quick to open for him. As he spits a mixture of your slick and his spit into your mouth.

"Swollow." He doesn't have to ask twice. And because he can't help himself his mouth is quick to seek out yours in a passionate kiss filled with teeth, tongue and the fact this will be way faster than either of you want it to be. Suddenly he's tapping your thighs signaling you to jump and you do. Your back is met with the cool stall wall as Eddie is quick to line himself up with your center. There's no slowness anymore. You've all but run out of time, students would start arriving soon. And from previous moments with Eddie you both came to the realization, you weren't quiet. And you couldn't be even if you wanted to.

As he slides in you let out a pornagraphic moan and let your head fall back against the wall. Legs wrapping around his waist, one arm half hazardly drapped around his neck the other holding his shoulder. He stretches you out perfectly. And you fit him just as well.

"F-fuckin hell you're so goddamn tight. Just sucking my cock in. God I can feel you tightening around me."

You rock your hips a little to signal he's okay to move. And boy does he move. He slowly begins to piston in and out of you. Breathing heavy as the shower water falls down like the impending rain. It's probably raining right now. He begins kissing down your jaw to your neck getting to your collar bone where he begins sucking and biting, just a small mark. He likes looking at them later.

You're a moaning, swearing mess. Praying no one hears anything and decides to come looking to make sure a student isn't hurt. Which would be very awkward and extremely frustrating as you can feel that coil in you winding up, so close to snapping. And as if on cue Eddie snaps his hips up in such a way he hits that magic button and just like that his name tumbles out of your mouth. The only name you'll remember for the rest of the day.

Eddie.

RIGHT THERE

Eddie!

EDDIEEEEE

FUCK EDDIE DONT STOP

IM GONNA CU-

He continues his pistoning into that spot with everything he has in him. He's chasing his high and yours. His free hand snakes down to rub on your bundle of nerves in such a perfect way that he has you coming undone in seconds. Following behind you moments later. He slows his thrusting down as you ride out your highs. You rest your forehead on his as you both try to slow your eradicate breathing.

After a moment he pulls out of you slowly, trying his best not to make you uncomfortable. Still holding onto you because you currently have the legs and dexterity of a newborn deer. He kisses your nose as he reaches over and puts some shampoo in his hand returning to massage it into your hair.

"God he's perfect." You think to yourself with a small giggle.

"And whats, pray tell does the lady find funny." He smirks.

"You give me an mind altering orgasm. And now you're washing my hair. It's just cute is all."

"I'm making up for lost time. I believe you have at the very least 30 more coming your way in the near future. Not all at once. But I'm sure I can pull a few out of you with each of our upcoming 'Study' dates. I do need to pass Mrs. O'Donnell's class if i want to walk that stage with you. And I fully intend to." He winks. His statement making you're eyes widen and a blush fall across your cheeks.

"As long as we actually study first Edward Ala-" He cuts you off with quick kiss tilting your head back enough allow the water to wash the shampoo away without it getting into your eyes.

"I recall mentioning the ban of using my full name. But I'll excuse it this time as your brain is still probably a bit to fried." He smiles giving your forehead a quick kiss. And then you hear it. Your watch alerting you that it's 7:30. Fuck you'd have no time to dry your hair. Both mentally cursing the beeping noise, Eddie turns off the water.

"I'll go out first. And quickly get dressed. I'll set your clothes in here on the bench." You give him a kiss as he nods at your plan.

You grab your towel and quickly wrap yourself. Walking fast into the locker room. Pulling your clothes out. Sliding on all the articles. As quickly as you could without paying attention.

Trying to use the towel to dry your hair as best you could before running a brush through quickly and tossing it into a ponytail.

You run to gather all of Eddie's clothes and then set them on the bench.

"The towels a bit wet but it's here too. I'll see you in a minute." You smile as you hear the stall unlock.

Grabbing your bag you make sure the coast is clean before waiting outside the girls locker room door. A few moments later Eddie emerges.

"Hey sweetheart, come here often." He winks at you. Making you giggle.

"Occasionally. Do you?"

"I sure as hell might start coming more often." He grabs your backpack from your shoulder slinging it over his are before throwing his free arm around your shoulder.

"What do you say we go find our rowdie band of weirdos. They can't be left alone for too long. Especially not with Henderson.

"Okay let's go find your freshman children." You say, lacing your fingers in the hand draped around your shoulder. "I'd hate to think what weird heated conversation topic Dustin has Mike and Gareth. Kid gets a level over passionate about many things." Causing both of you you break out laughing.

"It's his tone. I swear it's his tone." Eddie breathes out. As you approach the cafeteria you look outside.

Just like you thought it's absolutely pouring out.

"Eddie." You whisper into his ear at a sudden realization before finding everyone at the table.

"Hmm" He looks at you puzzled.

"Eddie. We're both wet. They'll know why I am. But you never this awake this early. This," you look him up and down before finishing, "wet. They're going to know."

As he looks out the window.

He looks back at you with a smirk.

"I'd blame it on the rain. But I doubt they'd believe me."

April Showers is an understatement.

#eddie munson owns me #eddie munson #eddie munson stranger things #stranger things #eddie munson angst #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson smut #they knew exactly what they were doing #nah. team eddie munson can fuck me up any day that ends in y #shower smut with Eddie Munsons #its filth pure filth #izzy's asks #anon ask #anon submission

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narisjournal-blog · 4 years ago

Text

These Nights

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Chuck x Reader

Fluff

Words: 1685

Notes: This was a request from honestly years ago and I’m such an asshole for only just posting this - I’m so so sorry. I haven’t included the name or request as it was quite personal. You know who you are :) This is of course a soft, fluffy, loving Chuck from before The Twist in Supernatural.

Thanks for reading!

***

Warm water cascaded over your hair and your shoulders, soaking you in a chaotic, relentless stream.

You had long finished your shower but still you stood unmoving in its grasp.

It was cold out there and dark. You held onto the reprieve a little longer.

You gave a heavy sigh.

‘I wish you would show your face,’ you said. ‘I wish... I need...’

you sighed again, shaking your head.

Standing up, you turned off the shower and stepped out.

You grabbed a towel and quickly wrapped it round you, shivering.

Once in your pyjamas you sat heavily on your bed and towelled at your hair. You gave up quickly and curled up on your bed, letting the tears flow. All you could see behind tightly closed lids was his face. Those big blue eyes, both gentle and stern at the same time. Chuck- the god you never knew you needed.

What would he think of you now? You so desperately wanted to see him, but not like this. He would be so disappointed, you thought.

‘I wish I could be what you want me to be,’ you choked out.

You always intended to pray before bed; to check in, pay respects and show you were thankful. Like in the movies, knelt by your bed, peaceful and worthy.

But it never worked out like that. The more you thought about what you wanted to say, the more overwhelmed you became and realised he would never have the time to sit and listen to all of that.

You began to shiver, partly from your damp hair but mostly from the despair that was taking hold of you.

You felt the mattress dip and you gasped. Then you felt a warm hand on your back and his calm took over you.

You looked up into big blue eyes, full of concern.

‘Do you really believe that?’ Said Chuck softly. ‘That I don’t have time for you?’

‘It’s not... I mean... I’m just a giant waste of your time. I’m sorry,’ you cringed.

‘Please,’ He said. ‘Don’t ever apologise for existing.’ Chuck gave your arm a squeeze. ‘And no, you’re not.’

You wiped your eyes and sat up.

‘You have far more important things and I’ve dragged you here.’

‘With all due respect, y/n, you don’t get to tell me how to spend my time.’

You couldn’t look in his eyes long. They broke you. There was so much love that you just couldn’t handle.

Your shame made you wish you were alone again.

‘But you don’t really want me to leave, do you?’ He stated softly.

You continued looking down at the bed.

After an abnormally long silence you gave the smallest shake of your head and sighed.

‘Is there anything you want to talk about?’ He said, hand resting on your back just below your damp hair.

You shrugged and stuttered. ‘I ... there’s...’

So much, you thought. But I can’t even begin to wrap my brain around it.

You knew he could hear you.

You know what, sometimes I’m just so tired of trying to figure this all out or having to figure out what I mean or where I belong. Sometimes I need you to just tell me! Sometimes I need...

‘Sometimes words are hard. I understand.’

You held your forehead in your hands, as if in some desperate attempt to hide your face. The man was infuriating. You wanted to scream at him, but all you could do was huff out a breath. He could feel you shaking by now.

‘But you know sometimes the best way to figure things out and understand your needs is to talk. Even if it seems stupid or redundant to you in this moment.’

‘You’re God,’ you almost whispered. ‘You know everything. It is redundant.’

This is why you were better alone. You drew your knees up to your chest and buried your face in your arms.

‘Look you can just go,’ you mumbled. ‘I’m sorry.’

He obviously knew what you were going through but was choosing not to help and you felt embarrassed you had even thought about bringing him here.

After a long silence you realised his hand had not moved from your back.

‘I’m not going anywhere.’

You lifted your head and chanced a glance sideways at him. Your gaze was met by the brightest blue and a rush of warmth and love flooded you again. You looked away.

‘Ok, here’s a deal. You tell me about one thing that’s on your mind and then no more talking, I promise. Deal?’

You sighed heavily. You spoke as the words formed in your mind, slowly and broken up.

‘I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I feel like...’ you swallowed the lump In Your throat but it didn’t stop your voice from cracking.

‘I feel like I’m not ... not good enough at anything... like I just...’ your voice dropped to a whisper. ‘Take up space.’

Chuck rested his head against yours and pulled you into him closer with a sigh.

He kissed the top of your head and pulled back, brushing hair from your face. His eyes connected with yours and you felt a weight lift of your chest before he had even spoken.

‘Y/N, you matter so much to me. I created you and I have no regrets. I am proud of you every single day because of how strong you are.’

You looked away. ‘I’m not.’

‘Don’t argue with me,’ he said, his voice firm and authoritative now.

Your head whipped back up, surprised by his tone.

Piercing blue charged right through to your soul when he looked into your eyes now.

‘You are strong,’ he affirmed. ‘Strong doesn’t feel easy. You’re stronger than you know.’

Tears began to spill once more, but this time it felt like freedom. For that moment as he held you, you felt truly safe. Loved.

He continued. ‘It might not be clear now. You feel a little lost, I can see that. Trust me. I’ve got you, and you have so much purpose.’

Your shoulders shook as you cried, and he squeezed you once more. Without speaking, he helped you dry your hair, holding you when you shivered.

‘Can you make it warmer?’ you whispered, teeth chattering. He chuckled, pulling the bedcovers back and helping you into bed.

You lay down, curled up on your side and felt Chuck’s warmth move through you as he lay next to you.

You didn’t need to say anything else. You just lay there, allowing yourself to feel safe and relaxing fully for the first time in maybe years. Chuck stroked your hair and said softly, ‘You haven’t been sleeping too good.’

His hand rested on your forehead and you felt a peace radiate from his palm.

‘Goodnight,’ he whispered as you felt your eyelids close and the calm of sleep envelope you.

It was already light when you woke, which hadn’t happened for a very long time. Your cheeks flushed with warmth and you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. Your mind slowly uncoiled itself and you rolled onto your back to find the bedsheets beside you cold. He was gone. Of course he was gone.

Had he really meant all those things, or was he just trying to get some peace away from your spiralling thoughts?

You breathed in deeply, trying not to let your mind poison the calm you had felt with him and – was that cinnamon you smelled? You sat up. It was definitely cinnamon. Sweet cinnamon, and you could hear music. No, singing. You could hear singing.

Pulling a hoodie on, you stood up and made your way downstairs towards the sound.

And there in your kitchen, pulling something out of the oven and humming to himself, was Chuck.

He turned as you entered and beamed. ‘Right on time,’ he said.

‘Did you make cinnamon buns?’

‘I know how much you love them, but never have the energy to make them.’ He placed the tray down on the heat proof mat on the side. Mixing bowls lay strewn clumsily about the sink. Of all the thoughts you could have had in that moment, you honestly wondered if God was going to wash the dishes.

‘You’ve made a mess,’ you added, nodding in that direction.

Chuck raised an eyebrow and folded his arms across his chest.

‘I mean… Thank you,’ you garbled. ‘I- thank you. I love them.’ You surveyed the kitchen once again.

‘But couldn’t you just, you know…’ you pointed your finger, indicating using his powers.

‘Ah, that’s no fun,’ he shrugged.

Chuck leaned across to the cafetiere you had forgotten you had and pushed the top down.

‘I thought you’d have gone. I was expecting you to be gone when I woke up.’

Chuck smiled again. ‘I’m never really gone, you know,’ he said. He poured coffee into a mug and handed it to you, the heat sharp against your palm. ‘I’m always here. Next time you taste coffee, remember this moment.’

You sipped the strong liquid and savoured the taste.

‘Next time you lie in bed feeling alone, remember me there next to you.’

‘Next time I wash the dishes, I’ll remember when you used my kitchen,’ you said with a smirk.

‘Next time you taste a cinnamon bun’- you cut him off.

‘I get the idea, Chuck. So are those ready to eat, or what?’

He chuckled as he divided them onto plates and guided you over to the kitchen table.

And for the first time in forever, the day ahead was filled with hope and the promise that you were not doing this alone.

***

Tags:

(I hope I’ve got my list right, I may have missed a few changes people have requested - if I have I’m sorry. My list is a clusterfuck tbh.)

Everything list:

@afanofmanystuffs

@trashforwinchesters

@yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend

@natasha-cole

@greenappleeyes

@bisexualdolphinthings

@i-dont-understand-that-url

@misszombicorn

@lucerospn1detc

@robjackface

Rob/chuck list:

@tas898

@destielschild

@girl-next-door-writes

@winchestergirl-13

@a-banana-for-your-thoughts

@jelly-beans-and-gstrings

@kocswain

@gettingbywithalittlehelp96

@itsfunnierin-enochian

@rblstrash

@megthemewlingquim

@holamishamigos

#supernatural #chuck shurley #chuck x reader #God!Chuck x Reader #chuck shurley x reader #rob benedict #spn fic #Supernatural fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #god!chuck

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duhragonball · 4 years ago

Note

Bulma

Give me a character and I will answer:

Why I like them: Somewhere around 1998, Kurt Busiek took over as the writer for the Iron Man comic. This was back when Iron Man wasn’t particularly popular and the last two attempts to reboot the guy had failed. I read an interview in Wizard Magazine where Kurt promoted his upcoming run, and he explained the character this way: Tony Stark is a superhero, an inventor, a ladies’ man, and a billionaire. You could have a blast writing a comic book about any one of those four things, but he’s all four. I may have gotten those four items wrong, partly because it’s been 22 years, and partly because it was more famous when Robert Downey Junior echoed that pitch in 2012. Take away the armor, and what is he? A billionaire genius philanthropist.

My point is that this is the appeal to Bulma as well. When we first meet her, she’s an adventurer, but then we find out she invented the device that lets her locate the Dragon Balls. And her mission is a romantic quest, so she’s like the heroine in a romance story. Then we meet her parents, and it turns out she’s a wealthy heiress. Well, I’m assuming Dr. Brief doesn’t plan on leaving his fortune to all of his pets, but you get the idea.

There’s a lot of versatility to the character. Some arcs barely make use of her, but others take full advantage. You can plop her in almost any scenario and it works. You want to write her at a fancy charity dinner? She’d fit right in. You want her teaching shop class in your high school AU? No problem at all. You want her to seduce a bad guy? You want her to shoot a bad guy? You want her to be the bad guy? It all works.

The main thing people dislike about Bulma is the way she treated Yamcha when they were together, and she’s kind of a jerk a lot of the time. Fair point, but I think this adds to the character. If she were sweet as could be and a rich, attractive polymath, she’d be downright insufferable. Also, her attitude plays off of the compassion she shows through the series. I can’t explain her behavior around Yamcha, but she did offer free room and board to the entire population of Namek, so I feel like that needs to be taken into consideration.

Why I don’t: In the first... hundred or so episodes of DBZ, Bulma doesn’t get a lot of chances to shine, despite all the screentime they gave her. Early into my DBZ-watching experience, I found her to be something like a shriller version of TMNT’s April O��Neil, a sidekick whose job was to look cute and get into danger so the good guys could save her. She really doesn’t get back into her groove until she returns to Earth, and once I saw those episodes, and her time in the original Dragon Ball, the character began to make a lot more sense. Really, the Bulma in DBZ #1 through 108 was probably intended to demonstrate how out-of-hand the situation was. She fixed the scouter and then it exploded. She fixed Nappa’s spaceship and it exploded. She fixed Kami’s spaceship and then Namek exploded. She just couldn’t keep up with the crisis.

Favorite episode (scene if movie):

Not exactly any one episode, but one of my favorite bits in the Red Ribbon Army Sagas is that the RRA has their own Dragon Radar, but it’s not portable, or anywhere near as precise as the one Bulma invented. It’s Goku’s biggest advantage during that conflict, and when it breaks, there’s literally no one else who can fix it. Those magic babies from Arale could make a new one, but I’m pretty sure they only did that by copying the design or something. And the RRA assumes that Goku must have an entire team of scientists providing him with logistical support, and that Master Roshi must be their leader, since he’s so old.

Also, near the end of the arc, Bulma needs to call Yamcha on the phone, but Roshi doesn’t have one, and then Turtle suggests that Bulma should just build one from scratch, since she had just finished building a robot drone a few episodes earlier. And she’s like “Oh, yeah, I forgot I knew how to do that.”

Favorite season/movie: The Androids/Cell arc is a big deal because it has two Bulmas, and her son is in it too.

And this is what I mean when I talk about versatility. That Super Dragon Ball Heroes series has two Gokus and two Vegetas, and I have no idea why, because they’re exactly the same, except one pair does SSJ4 and the other does Super Saiyan Blue. Bulma’s got more layers, so in a story like this, you can have 30-something Bulma care for an infant son and tackle logistical problems while she figures out her relationship with Vegeta, while the 50-something Bulma in the future can be this strong-yet-gentle post-apocalyptic survivalist, who hopes for a better tomorrow as she longs for her fallen friends.

Favorite line: I’m gonna stray from the canon for a minute, because I’m having trouble coming up with something, but in DBZ Abridged, when she’s arguing with Vegeta during his training session, they just start shouting “Fuck you!” at each other. Then she stops and says: “My room. Ten minutes.”

And holy shit, the delivery on that line was incredible. I knew they’d try to do something to set up their relationship, but there’s no footage to do that with, so they did it all with one line and some killer VA work.

Favorite outfit: This is a big, big wardrobe to choose from, but I’m partial to the one she wore in the Imperfect Cell Saga.

I can’t really explain the appeal, but I like this hairstyle and the clothing looks like authentic stuff you could actually buy at a store, which just makes it feel more real, even though it’s not any more detailed than her other outfits. I’m not sure that makes any sense. The trucker hat looks cute on her, let’s leave it there.

OTP: You know, there’s a lot of chemistry between Bulma and Yajirobe, and even though it’s kind of a rarepair, I can’t help but-- Okay, it’s her and Vegeta. I’ll stop messing around.

Brotp: Definitely her and Goku. I’m imagining the set up to the DBS Broly movie going like this.

“Hey, I’m gonna invite Goku along on our trip. That way you can fight him when you get bored.”

“Why do you keep asking him to tag along I can’t stand him.”

“Yeah, but I like him and I paid for the resort, so I guess you gotta deal with it.”

“...”

Then he shows up and she sends him on some ridiculous mission to search the ocean floor for sunken treasure or something.

Head Canon: Future Bulma does tech support in Toki Toki/Conton City, because Xenoverse is canon and the Goku Black Saga can just bugger right off because it never happened.

She shows up from time to time to check on all the Capsule Corp tech in the city, and she drops by just to say hi to her boy, and also she has coffee with my Mary Sue OC, because Future Bulma appreciates how tough and cool my writing is.

Unpopular opinion: The Vegebul ship probably gets way too much attention. Not that it’s a bad ship or that it doesn’t deserve the attention, but it feels like a buffet where all anyone gets is ranch dressing. They just ignore the rest of the spread and fill an entire bowl with ranch and head back to the table to drink it. Then they come right back and line up for another helping.

I’m not knocking it. I have a Vegebul calendar in my kitchen. But it reminds me of how the “comics fandom” in the late 90′s was really just an X-Men fandom that acknowledged that other comic books hypothetically existed.

They’re gonna come after me now, aren’t they?

A wish: A lifetime supply of strawberries does sound kind of nice...

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: I hope we’re done with Bulma’s Resurrection F outfit for good. The cowboy boots, no, we’re done with that.

5 words to best describe them: Five would never be enough.

My nickname for them: Don’t have one. Vegeta calls her “woman”, but I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t go over well if I started doing that.

#ask duhragonball #dragon ball #bulma #2d3dlover

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freshlybakedspiderbread · 4 years ago

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I brought up hanyang type 88 here and i said i’d explain, so here I am!!

okay so first off here’s a bunch of likely useful context about girls frontline. There is this feature in the game called digimind upgrade, or mod 3, where certain t-dolls can be upgraded past the normal maximum levels and stats, and at the same time gaining whole new abilities and also a new design. Basically a reinvention. There are like hundreds of playable characters in the game, and only a fraction will get mod 3s, typically the ‘main characters’ who are relevant to the major ongoing plot.

two things about getting a doll who has the ability to do digimind upgrade, to actually do that. One, is that it can be very costly in terms of in-game materials. like, maybe i just played the game wrong but I would have to grind for weeks in order to amass the materials to upgrade just one doll to mod 3. So even though by now there are dozens upon dozens of dolls who are capable of this feature, i’ve only actually done so with like, less than one dozen. A normal player probably has to be picky.

secondly, and this is the big one, every t-doll’s mod 3 comes with story cutscenes that become available for you to view upon upgrading them. Personally, i think most of the only worthwhile mod 3 stories are the ones that are associated with the actual major characters of the main story, especially since their upgrades actually happen in-canon and their mod 3 stories fill in blanks or otherwise expand upon the regular story chapters.

for the t-dolls who aren’t major characters that get digimind upgrades, their associated stories tend to follow a very basic pattern. They’re feeling like they are falling behind other T-Dolls in abilities or are otherwise experiencing a drop in confidence in their abilities, but then find the resolve in them to either change themselves or stand by an aspect of themselves, and this leads them to heading to the lab to get upgraded. obviously theres some nuances here and there depending on the character, but a lot of them, from what i saw, follow this basic pattern.

hanyang type 88 has a mod 3 but i certainly never wanted to see it. Firstly, using the feature at all takes up resources are kinda precious so i wasn’t just gonna use it on anyone. Secondly, she is just one of many one-off t-dolls that basically dont ever show up in any actual main story cutscenes or even funny events. Thirdly... you saw what she looked like in the linked post, i was in no rush to make use of her.

That being said, even if you don’t ever upgrade a t-doll, simply having them in your possession allows you to at least view the first of four parts of their mod 3 story, which nets you a small amount of those materials needed to see the rest (its a pretty fiendish system, huh o_O). I was lacking in some materials to upgrade a doll i cared about, so i just mucked around, eventually happened upon type88 again and decided that instead of just immediately feeding her to the furnace, I’d watch the first chapter of her mod 3 story. I watched it, it made me just curious enough to look further, and well. ...I got into it. Exactly what I got into, i shall now just elaborate and summarise the whole thing in my own way! Warning, it’s long!

(disclosure: my summary will bias towards my own preferred interpretation whenever any aspect is somewhat vague.)

The story starts with type 88, or as she is called by others in griffin base, Ai, working her shift in the base’s cafe, because what else would she be doing.

i hate looking at her! Anyway, its just a pleasant peaceful day and Ai is taking the logistic person, kalina’s order when suddenly in the middle of a conversation, Ai freezes in place and starts making worrying sounds.

kalina here and the t-dolls present in the cafe are concerned, and talk about how Type88 has actually been crashing like this more and more frequently lately, yet has not reported any of this to the maintenance crew despite the advice of her friends. They try rebooting her on the spot, but it has an even more concerning effect, because she starts erratically acting like she doesn’t recognise the others, and talks about how she is a maid in “Jiangcheng Cafe”. Afraid that her neural cloud (her mind) has been scrambled, they put her to sleep and bring her to the repair bay.

Its in the repair bay where they explain exactly what is wrong with type88. She is a fairly old doll, and her processing capacity has been severally clogged up for a long time. Her internal memory is overflowing because many large sections of her mind is filled with very large encrypted files (memories that she stored away). she is likely to keep crashing and possibly even cease functioning entirely one day if those encrypted files are not deleted, but nobody is really keen on just deleting parts of her mind without her consent. For now, kalina just opts to try and decrypt the files and see what they are.

And from here, we watch type88 memories from her perspective. Sort of. Kind of. It gets complicated later but for now, we view the first memory of her life, not as a combat t-doll type88, but...

...as 59898, a doll designed to be what is basically a ‘crash test dummy’ for testing artillery technology in a research station. With a purpose like this, 59898 has an (ostensibly) rudimentary AI. Her learning ability is intended to be used to better aid the results of their testing, but she also knows how to understand and even imitate specific human gestures in order to better respond to instructions or conversation, even though she herself has no voice module to speak with. She is assigned to assist one specific person.

first off, i was pretty shocked right off the bat that this story above so many others actually has unique assets to it. The above two sprites don’t show up anywhere else in the game, i don’t think. Secondly, this woman’s name is only ever spelled with those white squares, so I’m stuck with having to just calling her ‘the pilot’, as dry as that sounds... I just don’t want to type out weird characters every time, or call her ‘triple cube’...

Anyway, so 59898 is assigned to help this woman in testing artillery tech (stuff like mechs and tanks). I should mention really quick that in the game’s story, during this point of time is when world war iii is happening, but that’s just a backdrop for robots to eventually gain more prominence. Anyway, we move on to the second memory, where some time has already passed. At the beginning of this memory, the pilot is visibly depressed, which 59898 takes note of.

Her ‘comfort mode’ consists of patting the pilot on the head, who while surprised, actually is grateful. She feels comfortable enough to talk about her worries aloud to the doll, mentioning how she is a war refugee and has to make a living in the research base because she can’t go back to her home in china, at least not before making enough money for a very expensive and exclusive train ticket. She continues to talk at length to the doll...

...not that the test doll is capable of responding to anything she says. The pilot insists that she’s happy just to have someone listen to her though, since she feels like she can’t really express her feelings to any other person on the base. Despite that-

That aside, the pilot says that referring to 59898 by her serial number all the time feels a bit weird, so she decides to give the doll a name. (I sure wish the story would give this woman a name too, other than ‘three white squares’ but oh well...)

She talks more with Jiangcheng Ai, or just Ai, after that, asking her if she’d like a change of clothes sometime, like some casual clothes, or an old maid outfit from an old cafe job she used to have (I guess they had to throw in any explanation for that outfit somehow) Point is, more and more time passes.

As time passes though, and we go into the third memory, the pilot brings up complaints to her superiors about how the more recent testings, becoming more increasingly intense and frequent, are putting a great strain on Ai, and even repairs can only help maintain her chassis so much. She insists on wanting to take Ai’s place in the testing, but they refuse because, well, Ai’s entire purpose is to take the strain of these tests so that the human pilot doesn’t have to, and the doll is just a tool there to pave the way for the pilot to eventually take over the mech in action

The next time Ai wakes up from her most recent repairs, the pilot is there to greet her, and Ai can tell straight away that she’s unhappy and tries to comfort her again. The pilot is not surprised at this and talks about how this is how Ai has been since they first met. She goes on to say how all the other people on the base don’t know her half as well as Ai does. Ai tries to understand and determine what the pilot’s intentions with saying all this is, but she cannot do so and can only listen while offering ‘executing - affirmative nod’.

The pilot talks about how once the war is over, she’d like to take Ai back home with her, where they could go to all sorts of gatherings, and the pilot would introduce Ai to her friends.

Ai reviews her personal data, confirming that she has no owners or obligations other than the pilot, so she executes another affirmative nod, and the pilot says this:

As Ai tries and fails to further determine this, something bad happens! if you’ve read this far, i’m sure you’ve already guess what happens next...

At that exact moment, a warning goes out and the research base is being attacked by nebulous enemy forces. With no time to talk anymore, both the pilot and Ai head out into their first real fight.

They spend a good long while repelling enemy forces, working well together and apparently using all sorts of wacky anime weaponry like beam blades and whatever ‘retrograde evasion’ is!

obviously though, you already know this isn’t going to end well for them... When the pilot takes a breather, Ai moves to protect her, but at a critical moment, a sudden high-speed projectile comes her way. In the next instance there’s a crash, and we move onto another memory. Where its all fire and debris, and Ai can’t move.

^ this text box actually repeats several times, indicating that she is repeating her scan for life signs over and over. She gets an internal warning from her systems (differentiated with red text) that she has insufficient power and it warns her to immediately cease ineffective operations. [Unable to detect owner life signs] repeats again.

At this point, uuuuh, its a little stupid actually? because two humans show up, reusing generic ‘bad guy’ sprites from other events that don’t match the current environment and situation at all (one is in a suit and the other is in casual clothes). but the reason they’re here is to provide exposition out loud about what happened. It looked like the human’s mech took a hit for the doll and was blown to bits, though they talk about how that doesn’t make any sense.

Ai at this point tries to execute a bunch of different actions like hugging [target not found] and screaming [no relevant module] but they all fail, and her internal systems tell her that her power is running out and she will cease to function in 30 seconds.

So in those last 30 seconds, Ai decides to quickly review her internal files. the damage she took has corrupted her memories and she doesn’t have the time to properly go through them, so she executes a ‘simulated processed records’, which basically mean she’s just filling the blanks of those memories herself with simulations.

And I have to say. I was decently into and enjoying this little story so far, but its this part that’s the reason i became forced to make this stupid giant post. the first ‘memory’ loads up, and we see the pilot.

Different ‘memories’ of the days spent with the pilot are loaded back to back, each are very short and only last a few lines. Across these files, the two of them talk comfortably with each other, Ai is invited to go get coffee with her, the pilot talks about how going alone is boring and would rather spend time with Ai, Ai saying back with her own words that she always likes spending time with her, etc etc etc.

And then finally, she loads one last ‘memory’, from earlier that same day, before the explosion and the fighting.

and she shuts down.

i passed by this scene the first time all calm, but an hour or so later when I was in the bathroom replacing shampoo bottles, i started thinking about it and I literally started sobbing. And then again later that night when i was in bed. I hate this game!!

so that’s the ‘end’ of that, and the next scene opens, once again in griffin base’s cafe, except...

Ai is sporting a brand new (ugly) look. She says she’d like to take kalina’s order but she was just leaving on other business, as she likes keeping herself busy with all sorts of work around the base ever since she got upgraded into a gundam gajinka. and after she leaves, kalina talks with the other dolls about how Ai used to have some cache issues because her neutral cloud was too full, but upgrading into this new chassis easily fixed that and even allowed her to make use of her old locked away abilities.

Because of the way this scene in the cafe opens up exactly like the very first one at the beginning, it makes me believe that this final scene is also a simulated ‘memory’, that is, Ai filling in the blanks of her corrupted memories with what she wishes to be reality. And i feel confident in believing that because after the scene fades to black, we see more of her internal system monologue.

She (the system) says that the priority execution is to preserve those encrypted memory logs. She does so, and the neural cloud upgrade is complete with confirmation of no loss files. With no risk of deletion in this new form, she executes the command to unlock the encrypted memories. And finally...

[spiderbread dies]

i still wouldn’t use her in gameplay because i can’t stand looking at her design but i told you all i eat up robot with feelings stuff and this is like prime example of exactly that... and if i didn’t make this post, i think my own neutral cloud’s cache would be at risk of overflowing x_X!

#spider bread crumbs #gfl

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dariadraws · 4 years ago

Photo

and my final piece so far for @geekinthecorner‘s @batfam-big-bang fic Bats Of The West, it’s Jason Todd! ngl i think this is one of the ones i had the most fun with, and also the one i crammed the most details into that no one but me will ever know exist, but i’ll share a few of them under the cut, along with the image description. plus, a list of all of Jason’s scars in this au, and how he got them.

also, like i said, this is my final piece so far but i fully intend to come back and round out the batfam, draw all the other characters i havent had a chance to get to yet, so keep an eye out for that, and in the meantime here’s some fun facts!

alright so. first off, just some general overall thoughts on Jason and some of the details i added here.

his gun in the first pic is super expensive and pretty, but i imagine he doesnt use is as often as some of his other ones, simply because when he’s out in The Wilderness tracking down criminals for weeks on end, it’s not really the kind of place you want to bring your prettiest, most expensive gun. when he’s on the ranch or in town tho, or really just anywhere where he doesnt anticipate needing to rough it for more than a couple days (which isnt the same as not expecting the need to get rough), he’s probably got this gun.

his gun belt and holster are a whole other story tho. he spent exactly zero dollars and zero cents on them, just assembled them from some spare leather they had lying around, which is why theyre in such Not Great condition, and also why the belt itself ended up so long. he could cut it down to a more reasonable size, but it’s not like there’s anything else he could make from those scraps anyways, so why bother.

that big gun in the second image isn’t technically his tho, it’s the Communal Ranch Rifle. mainly it’s just used to scare away coyotes (or, yknow, actually hit coyotes) but it does occasionally see real action as well, tho not often.

also. does it even need to be said? his hat.. holder... bead... thing. with the turquoise inlay. is a gift from Dick

alright and now the fun part! i go through all of jason’s scars, and how he got them. there are quite a few and a lot of them are. Sad. so be warned, and take care of yourselves! (also just for the record, i promise the fic itself isnt actually as dark as this will make it sound. basically none of this shows up in the story, i was just given free reign to design whatever i wanted, and poor jason ended up paying the price)

ok so. scars.

first off, the claw and bit marks on his arms and shoulders are from getting attacked by some coyotes back when he was still just a kid. to quote my explanation back when i pitched this to Em, “bc as a Young Human with minimal supervision and not necessarily having someone to call him inside once it gets dark, he was unfortunately Very Delicious, if somewhat scrawny, by coyote standards”

next up: a bullet scar on his abdomen, on his lower left side (our right), from some kind of shootout with a criminal. this one is middling-recent; after bruce adopted him, but before the joker thing. i dont really have anything concrete for that one but it was a through and through, and somehow, miraculously, missed hitting any bones, and any organs. just missed his lower rib by like. an inch. that one messed bruce up more than jason, honestly. if anything, he was just surprised it took him that long to get shot, with the life he's had

the ones on his cheek and on his chin were just Regular Childhood Shenanigans scars, no real story.

the one through his mouth is from his time with the joker though. there's also the J brand on his right bicep, also from the joker.

also joker related, hes got a lot of scars on his hands, especially his knuckles and fingertips, from trying to fight his way out of his captivity, and scratching his fingers raw trying to pry open the door to his cell/untie the rough rope he way tied with/whatever the specific situation was. also some minor rope burn scars on his wrists from the same deal.

also some blade scars across his palms from trying to stop/block knives. definitely with the joker, but probably at some point in his youth as well

a few faint lines across his neck from being a temporary hostage a few time while helping Bruce on cases when he was younger, but none of them ever went deep or caused any serious damage

oh and also, whip scars on his back from his time with the joker, which arent too prominent, and mostly cant be seen from the front, except for a couple of spots where they crest over his shoulders and the very tail ends of them can be seen, but they’re there

and also some kind of straight scar on his left forearm, which was a carry-over from my usual Jason design, that i like but dont really have a story for, so that one’s purely aesthetic, lol

and that’s it! i think? that’s all my notes on that? either way this post is getting Way Too Long, and i still gotta do the image descriptions, so i’m calling it there.

[IMAGE ID: two images of Jason Todd in old-fashioned cowboy clothing. He has red, curly hair with a streak of white running through it at the front. his skin is pale but sunburnt, has deep-blue eyes, many freckles both on his face and on the rest of his exposed skin, and his body is broad and muscular, and he has many scars. he has small round metal piercings in the lobes of both ears, as well as an additional two in the top cartilege of his right ear.

in the first image, he is facing directly at the viewer with his arms crossed, and a challenging look on his face. he is wearing a maroon cowboy shirt with checkered red accent at the chest and the sleeves rolled up to his upper arms. he has a dark blue polka-dot bandana tied around his neck, and over that pass two strands of red braided cord holding his tan cowboy hat, which is visible hanging off his neck behind him. the cords are tipped with small metal beads, and pass through a large, dark brown wooden bead inset with turquoise, which regulates their length. he is wearing dark-wash blue jeans with prominent yellow stitching, pulled over his cowboy boots up to the ankle until only the foot of each boot is visible. the boots are dark brown with pale seams and red stitching, and light brown heels and soles. fastened around each boot are embossed red spur-straps, with metal spurs extending from them behind the boots. at his waist are two cracked leather belts. one is dark brown, with a pale silver buckle stamped with vine designs, and it is threaded through his belt loops. the second belt is hanging diagonally over his hips and holds his gun and holster. this belt is a reddish tan with a pattern of darker brown, overlapping rings down its length, and has a darker silver buckle. it is long enough that the loose end of it wraps back around itself several times before hanging down. the holster is simple brown leather folded over the gun, with two straps to tighten it. the gun itself is an ornate and expensive-looking revolver, black metal with intricate gold detailing and a mother-of-pearl grip.

in the second image, he is facing slightly to the side, with a long shotgun propped over his shoulder with one hand and an unimpressed expression on his face as he looks somewhere to the right of the viewer. he is shirtless, and his torso is muscled, stocky, and as sunburned and freckled as the rest of him. his cowboy hat is hanging off his neck again behind him, once more held in place by the braided red cord and round wood-and-turquoise bead. he is wearing tan, high-waisted pants tucked into his cowboy boots, which are the same as in the first image but now fully visible, with red pulls at the top. the pants are attached to red suspenders, though they are not on his shoulders and hang down around him instead. his gunbelt is once more around his hips, but the holster is obscured behind him, and isn't visible. the hand not holding the shotgun is down loosely at his side, and has a red and white bandana wrapped around the wrist. END ID]

#batfam big bang 2020 #jason todd #red hood #Bats Of The West #daria draws #alright im done #it's like 2 am and im passing out at my keyboard and im sure there's a million typos in this fucking novel of a post but #it's FINISHED #soct 07 edit: i JUST realised the first pic was an older non-updated version but it'e been fixed!#god i cant believe im releasing my art w fucking patchnotes now

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madokasoratsugu · 5 years ago

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cinderella au meta notes

or: the plotline that never happened because i was so caught up in the euphoria of writing Fritz/Lucette Cinderella AU, i forgot that i had to have a plot

also: a bunch of bonus facts i guess !

this basically spoils the whole fic (that you can read here) which contains Fritz and Rumpel route spoilers, so read with caution ! under the cut bc it got Long :”))

this meta was initially written on a tumblr post bc it was meant to be a short ~2k thing (HAHAHA). then it got so long my computer started crashing and i had to move to google docs.

i wrote this with disney live action remake osts AND six the musical in the background. it was a wildin’ experience listening to ‘dont lost ur head’ while writing Fritz be a chaotic mess in the beginning, then listening to ‘how does a moment last forever’ when writing the Fritz/Lucette garden scenes.

Karma and Fritz are childhood friends ! both boys who were more interested in being a knight than inheriting a kingdom, but learnt their responsibilities along the way.

on that note: none of the characters were exactly...planned to appear. the initial tweet thread idea only had Fritz, Lucette and Alcaster casted - the other characters just kinda wrote themselves in this meta.

im pretty sure it started with Karma barging his way into the fic in act one, then i had to have someone balance him (Waltz), then i needed someone to play the music for their waltz (obvs that had to be Rod), and then i got sad thinking Rumpel would be left out, but Lucette’s broken glass slipper scene conveniently needed someone. the Widdensovs just kinda came into the picture by virtue of Lucette just needing someone to interact with when she wasnt at the ball LMAO

everyone else just didnt make it in the natural progression of the fic, and i didnt want to shoehorn them in just for the sake of having them appear.

however: Parfait was initially going to make an appearance as a duchess who snuck Lucette out to her father when she came to the castle for help when her manor burnt down. here’s a lil snippet of her scene:

(no one had, the last time she came; the smell of smoke still clinging on her, her head slamming a cacophony - surviving only thanks to the bravery of a certain court lady now disappeared, who heralded her to a servant’s exit, gave her gold and directions to her father, told her, run, told her im sorry, and cried, tears dripping endlessly from her pale pink lashes.)

Parfait is well and alive in this AU btw ! she’s just ‘disappeared’ bc she’s living somewhere secret with her goth wife Delora.

(side note: i realise Rumpel seems a lot like Lucette’s fairy godmother in the act thirteen. not intended, but i liked the imagery enough to let it stand :”)) bippity boppoty chevalier ! )

Varg and Lilja are both Swedish words. ancient Angiellian is partially Swedish. there’s probably ikea in this AU. let that sink in.

the swan mask Lucette was wearing was meant to allude to Odette and Odile from Swan Lake (because Fritz and Varg, white and black, swans are pretty yadda yadda), and i was going to write some really neat symbolism about that but i forgot lol !

(also the idea just never worked for me bc Odette and Odile aren’t the same people like Fritz/Varg but i wanted to reference Barbie Swan Lake (2003) ok let me live)

pour one out for our man Fritz who got rejected on his birthday. f.

Emelaigne is the MVP. older sisters, no matter how truly Head Empty they are, always pull through when you need them.

“isn’t the moon beautiful tonight” is a direct reference to an anecdote (which may or may not be true) about Natsume Souseki, a famous japanese writer, who translated ‘i love you’ to that phrase in order to account for the indirect characteristics of japanese speech.

Rumpel is the royal doctor, and has been apprenticing in the castle since Fritz was a child, before taking over the position as an adult ! so yes, Rumpel definitely rubbed off on Fritz in terms of values and morals.

with regards to Fritz and Lucette’s curses: i never really gave it much thought, but the vague idea i had was Lucette being cursed by Hildyr for disobedience (manipulative parenting say eye), then Hildyr dies lol and Lucette breaks her curse eventually.

with Fritz, he was likely cursed out of political reasons/jealousy and Varg was the result. works bc either way the curse meant for Fritz to be 1) inconvenienced or 2) dead/taken out of consideration for succession so like...a pain in the ass replacement who behaves the exact opposite of a prince works too.

this was hinted at vaguely in the fic, but Fritz became very secluded and hid himself in the castle for the years it took him to come to terms with his curse and break it. even then, because there was no one around him to really affirm his identity or accept him, he remained very withdrawn and a shell of his former self.

i reckon it took him about 5-6 years to break the curse. so that’s a lot of time alone. Fritz was basically a NEET.

all jokes aside: Lucette and Fritz each broke their curses with their own willpower and effort, but remain the mostly the same because there was no one around them to truly understand or accept them for who they were, or who they became.

(until they met each other, of course)

also, idk if it was hinted well enough but Lucette and Fritz actually were in an engagement once, when they were children/early teens ! i intended to allude to this more with Hildyr giving Fritz Lucette’s portrait, which results in him recognising her, but it just never fit in anywhere. so yeah ! that’s another reason how/why Fritz knew who Lucette was at first glance.

i figured the previous engagement would also help ease the court into their eventual marriage despite the whole ~*disgraced noble*~ thing. idk. i know nothing about western history and how it worked except for ALEXANDER HAMILTON (america sings for yooouuu) and divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived.

however, Alcaster broke the engagement, as stated in act thirteen. the reason was basically: Angielle in this AU works not by a hereditary monarchy, but rather the previous monarch getting to choose whomever the fuck the want to succeed them. Hildyr and Alcaster were both in line for the throne, and Hildyr wanted to ensure that even if she couldn’t get the throne now, she still had a chance in the future if her daughter married Alcaster’s (who would then be king) son. Alcaster was like lol fuck off because he wanted power all to his family and took things into his own hands to ensure that would never happen (which involved: inciting public hatred against witches/Hildyr, breaking Lucette and Fritz’s engagement, and generally being a dick.

that’s about as plot heavy as it gets yall. the rest is just dumb idiots falling in love !

...............except for the political usurp that happens later, with Fritz’s faction forcefully taking the throne away from Alcaster’s tyrannical rule, which leads to a dramatic sway of public favour to Fritz and Lucette.

and then they live happily ever, ever after.

(carrie underwood. yes i am planning an Enchanted AU dont look at me.)

the end !

#cinderella phenomenon #cinderella phenomenon visual novel #lucette riella britton #fritzgerald aiden leverton #melon writes #uh yeah

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girlwiththegreenhat · 4 years ago

Note

thoughts on ur favorite drink? ur favorite art program? thoughts on keeping a sketchbook? on any pets you have?

HELL yeah thanks for the ask i hope u like tangents on tangents and run on sentences because just like my blog description says, I Do Not Shut Up!

favorite type of drink: crystal pepsi

every fucking year i email the Bepsi company and ask when this god damn drink is coming back. last year? literally spent almost all of 2019 moving house, and i got no crystal pepsi anywhere in that time. now it’s 2020. there’s a plague. and the world is burning. and there’s still no fucking crystal pepsi. the moral of the story here is, as soon as pepsi brings back The Good Shit, everything can be nice again. i am .3 seconds away from breaking into pepsi HQ in the midst of this Rioting Chaos just to steal the Crystal Pepsi recipe from their fat stupid noses and start making it myself. I will market it as... Creestöl Bepsi.

oh wait im supposed to talk about the drink, right, shit’s good yo. you know how all clear sodas taste vaguely the same? they all taste like Clear Drink? this is like Clear Drink in it’s purest form. it is the Clearest Drink. with the most Clearest Drink taste. and thanks to it’s (formerly) limited annual runs at the end of summer it literally tastes like nostalgia. I have left the house like twice in the last three months but if they brought back crystal pepsi i would march out of my house like its on fire (wearing a mask of course) and buy every fucking bottle i could find, life savings be damned

so anyway yeah crystal pepsi’s good i guess

favorite art program: begrudgingly, photoshop

adobe may be a greedy bitch baby company who doesnt actually let you buy their software outright but damn,,, photoshop Nice,,, hehehehe,,, i can do so Much with it it’s such a multitool of a program,,, i just upgraded to the 2020 version in february and there’s SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many more brushes than there were in the 2014 version, and most of them are actually really useful!! i’m living for this guy’s brushes, uh, kyle?? yeah, kyle t. webster. now THAT guy knows how to make some brushes. i’ve been using the same ones for like six years but he’s got this GORGEOUS lineart brush i’ve been using and dear god i love it too much to ever go back. I Will Never Go Back. AND I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT LIKE, BLEND BRUSHES?? there are ones that perfectly emulate real pencils thanks to how photoshop handles brushes, it even wears out and widens with use (you can choose how fast...) and you can TILT your STYLUS to USE THE BROADER SIDE OF THE “LEAD”??? LIKE?? A REAL PENCIL???? still blows my mind,, photoshop’s brush engine is fucking amazing,,

Thoughts on keeping a sketchbook?

sketchbooks are great and i envy people who have those really nice, blank-page sketchbooks with the little rounded corners on each page? and they always fill them with studies and life drawings,,, its so Aesthetic,,,

meanwhile im adamant for some damn reason to do most of my drawings on lined paper still. not the serious ones, but if im doodling, or just doing a sketch i intend to finish in photoshop? composition notebook. i have Dozens of Actual sketchbooks, but those are so nice... i don’t want to fill them with stupid meme drawings and things i wont finish and things i draw Badly and things that i Will finish but not There. i’m glad im not going to college cuz i always hear “oh you have to submit your sketchbooks” im like haha What cuz my sketchbooks,,,, are probably some of the most unprofessional, badly organized, unfinished messes out there,,, like i do studies but it’s all on lined notebook paper and half-destroyed composition notebooks because at the end of 8th grade everyone was throwing out their unused or slightly used school supplies and there was a WHOLE RECYCLING BIN FULL OF COMPOSITION NOTEBOOKS?? MOST OF WHICH ONLY HAD THE FIRST LIKE 15 PAGES FILLED OUT IF THAT???? SO I JUST KINDA. RAIDED IT?? i havent bought lined paper in 8 years and all the school supplies i looted out of the garbage that day carried me all the way through high school. i bought maybe one notebook in highschool, that was it. i think i literally trash picked a lifetime of lined paper,,,

,,, anyway i have a Nice Sketchbook (no lined paper!) ive been toting around since sophomore year of high school. it’s still got printouts taped to it from supernatural and doctor who and black rock shooter. this was seven years ago, i still use it when i want to use Nice Paper, and only now am i approaching the last pages. i also have a separate sketchbook i decided to start using for concept art and sketches for my webcomic i will never actually start working on! that one’s about as professional as i get, it’s full of robot designs and sketches of scenes. its fun.

i am not a real artist aslkdfkljdfskjldsfkjl

Thoughts on any pets you have?

i love me pets! they are not my pets they are my parents pets but i take care of them more so who cares. i love them. i love all three doggos even if Gigi is an old lazy fart that doesn’t care about anything that isn’t sleeping, food, going outside, or bellyrubs. she doesn’t even listen to you if you call her or tell her to do something. i dont know what her deal is. and gemma!! is a depressed muppet. she’s probably just getting old herself even though she’s only,,, seven. we got a third dog and she never got over it. she is still my favorite though, she’s adorable and i love her little under bite and her big goofy eyes that don’t have a single thought or braincell behind them. she floofy and snuggley and a big ol scardey cat who always comes into my room for hours when there’s a Loud Sound outside which is great because i cant sleep when something else is alive in my room and its not me but whatever i cant say no to her, especially now that we’re both on the same floor and i would probably take a bullet for this funky lil fuzzball.

speaking of the third dog that is kiwi i post more pictures of her than anyone else for some reason but she’s a cute lil goblin. i mean what is this thing. what is it!! im not even entirely convinced its a dog, i think its a weird lil alien that knows what a dog looks like and that’s it

what is this thing!! dont know!! she’s plotting though!! i have never seen Thoughts happening in a dogs head before but she Knowes Things. she learned how to slap the other dogs. 80% of the time if you point a phone at her she stops moving because she somehow understands the concept of a “Camera.” she’s a little chaos bagel. a chaos bagel with a critical case of The Zoomies and a burning hatred of feet

we also have a budgie named olive. he’s pretty, but quiet

#liz blogs #ask meme #ask #serialsharkgay #ty for the ask... i love to ramble..... and i have So Many Thoughts All Of The Time.......#dogs #my dogs #long post #one day im going to edit tiny flames into kiwi's eyes because its funny #just get a gif of fire and photoshop it in there

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spidermanifested · 6 years ago

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not to do Universal Steve Discourse on main in 2019 but....... i did genuinely enjoy the season finale and i want to like. express the reasons why? in a really really really long drawn-out and needlessly convoluted manner probably because this is being typed on mobile and im tired

first of all i know the main thing people dont like about how things have gone in general is the fact that its less You Gotta Beat the Bad Guys and more You Gotta, Talk to the Bad Guys Until They Stop Being Bad, which is not very often a realistic approach to stopping actual horrible people in our real human society from doing actual horrible things

and i get it!! but honestly the way the finale goes about resolving conflict (or specifically how steven goes about resolving conflict), while flawed, feels more like. a mediatorial power fantasy id have as a kid than anything else. like....... for once, things not having to end with the strongest person coming out on top. making the other side just sit there and listen for a few minutes, and force them to realize that their actions have consequences for the rest of the world and the people they claim to care about. that no, their idea of whats best isnt always helpful! that theyre ignoring everyones actual needs in favor of an idealized and selfish narrative!

every time i would watch a show featuring superheroes or anything similar when i was younger id hate that it always had to resolve itself with violence instead of just TALKING to each other, and maybe su and the homeworld arc in particular isnt an accurate portrayal of successfully navigating interpersonal conflict with stubborn assholes or of fighting systemic oppression or a fascist government colonizing everybody else and suppressing all dissent through any means available or whatever but. sometimes metaphors dont work as a direct 1:1 comparison to things happening in real life, and thats, okay i think? sometimes? i dont know it just feels good to see everybody UNDERSTAND each other. it reminds me that its. actually possible once in a blue moon to convince someone to treat the people around them with respect. and it just feels good honestly. its a fantasy show and Everybody Goddamn Finally Getting Along is a Common and Valid Fantasy to Have Especially If Youre a Kid in a Bad Place

also: though in a lot of scenarios this way of approaching the diamonds wouldnt be feasible at all, steven in the show is not just a random human whos magically able to change the minds of alien dictators. hes the son of maybe the one person they had any compassion for, and they treated him like he was still her, which even then Wasnt Great because the diamonds were not a healthy familial setup by any measure. but at the very least they could SOMETIMES be swayed by pink. and he used that to its advantage by showing them how much they hurt her, and then by extension how much they hurt everybody else, even if they didnt particularly care about the rest of their “flawless” gem society. and maybe they still dont!!! maybe theyre just making reparations to honor pink. but when it comes down to it their feelings dont matter. their motivations dont matter. their ACTIONS matter. in stevens words: “you did this, and now you have to fix it”.

he used his foothold in their good graces (again, relatively) to make them take a closer look at their actions, and thats what makes it more rational to me. because of course they wouldnt listen if he was some random half-alien kid. if he really was unrelated to the diamonds he would have HAD to use force. you dont get people to listen to your viewpoint by just talking when theyve already convinced themselves youre below their consideration and itd be useless to pretend otherwise, yes!! but to use another characters metaphor- the best character in the whole show (bismuth)- if you are a lion, you can safely enter the lions den. use your respected-as-a-peer status to convince the people around you to be better. obviously everybody being affected by oppression can fight with everything theyve got and it makes a huge difference, but what also makes a difference is people in positions of privilege standing up for other peoples rights and magnifying their voices, and the burden of breaking out from an unjust system shouldnt NEED to be placed on the downtrodden. we should fight, but we shouldnt HAVE to fight. its not our fault things are this way

and giving up on galactic conquest doesnt suddenly make the diamonds good people. not once to my memory do they ever actually verbally apologize (at least white diamond definitely didnt) but like i said before, that doesnt really matter to the people they hurt. the damage is done and any apology offered would just look flimsy and performative. instead steven has them just shut up and fix the things theyre able to fix. nobody says “i forgive you”, they arent suddenly given tragic backstories to make the audience sympathize with them, theyre just... the same close-minded egotistical royalty, but being forced to look at everybody else from a different angle for the very first time, directly after coming to grips with the fact that their awful caste-based society pressured one of “their own” into faking her own death and later dying for real just so she could experience life outside of the constricting role she was born into. thats their thing. that isnt a redemption arc so much as a “hurray we made them pay for their reprehensible actions in a constructive and viable manner” arc

i think thats... cool? less focus on Punishing Wrongdoers and more focus on Fixing Problems. we need that. in a lot of ways

but yes i also wholeheartedly believe that you should not argue or debate or converse with fascists in real life unless youre somebody they have to take seriously. like. their dad, or something. and dont do it anywhere public where they can perform for the audience instead of addressing your words. and also dont do it on the internet where they can screencap and mock you with their friends instead of being serious. but if youre their dad i dont know why youd need to be doing that. anyways this post is long enough so thats the end of my ‘Punching Nazis is Very Morally Good and Also Fun and Im Not About to Say Otherwise in a Million Years’ disclaimer

the tumblrmobile refuses to post this so ive had to save it as a draft and come back on my laptop to add tags good website great design functions as intended

#su spoilers #steven universe spoilers #do i have. an actual su tag. whatever

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binder-reviews-by-arden · 2 years ago

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underworks full tank binder review (photos tba)

i actually dont have this binder on hand currently, so i cant show you guys before and after photos like with my gc2b binder review. however, i can assure you this review is accurate regardless. once i get it back, i will update this post with photos.

i was a size L in this brand according to their sizing chart, and it fits me well. putting it on was fairly easy, although the first time i wore it i was a bit afraid of ripping it. the instructions say to pull this over your hips to get it on, but i have pretty big hips / thighs so it was a bit difficult. was still able to get it on fine, and have been able to get it on since then with little issue.

one thing i regret it getting a full tank vs their tri top binder. it kind of “shapes” your stomach and i dont really like how that feels - im notorious for never being able to wear any shirts that arent oversized on me due to sensory issues, and if i wore this thing on a more regular basis i could definitely see it causing issues for that reason. not the fault of the binder, since its working as intended and as they laid out in the product description, but i wanted to bring it up in case anyone else is similarly sensitive to clothing and was considering this binder.

the fabric is also scratchy. it wasnt too uncomfortable once i put it on, but there is a definite difference when compared to my gc2b binder. the fabric is quite stiff and the stiffness goes all the way down the binder, not just on your chest. one issue i had was accidentally taking this off too quickly and scraping the fabric over my nipples which REALLY hurt but thankfully didnt injure me. if you pay attention while putting this on and taking it off, youll be fine.

the actual binding quality was good, and was similar to my gc2b binder. i feel like it pushed by chest up a bit more than the gc2b binder but i didnt really notice any differences once i put a shirt on. i did notice myself getting out of breath a bit easier in this one, and it seemed more constricting than my gc2b binder even though it looked to bind about the same.

overall, would i recommend this binder? probably yes, mostly because of its price. this binder was $33 and its the cheapest binder ive ever seen from online sellers, and even cheaper than some binding alternatives like compression tops / bras. even though this was less comfortable than my gc2b binder (and if you value comfort id recommend the gc2b binder over this one), it wasnt painful to wear by any means and is a good value. its also not falling apart like my gc2b binder is.

(a side note: ive seen some comments from people who claim this binder is dangerous and more likely to injure its wearer than other brands. while i personally have never been hurt by this binder, i also do NOT wear a binder anywhere close to a daily basis (2-3 times a month id bet) so if youre concerned about this, id seek the opinion of people who wear binders more often)

(another side note: im not trans (butch lesbian), but i tagged the post as such so this review would reach people most likely to buy and wear binders so it’s as helpful as possible for anyone trying to find good binder brands. just wanted to clear things up in case anyone was wondering, don’t want to claim stake within a community im not technically apart of)

#binder review #trans #nonbinary #transmasc #butch #cosplay #binders #lesbian #underworks

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actualbird · 7 years ago

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hey there, bird so you wrote a post about bilingual characters a while back that references code switching and the deliberate change in language, and i've been thinking about that a lot because it's the exact opposite for me? like i'll say one (1) german word and suddenly everything's coming up deustch. i think that's really interesting, since tagalog doesnt share a root language with english but german does! thoughts?

OHHHH INTERESTING!!!! any and all thoughts i have on this are based on personal experience and not any real research (because all my reading on language is more on the semantics/cultural aspects of english or tagalog individually, and not together)

code switching is actually super common over here (**here being middle class metro manila, because other places and other sectors of the population definitely have different language patterns), but it’s heavily dependent on who we are talking to. which i will get to later but first i gotta explain. something.

like, if i had to say what language i speak most with most ease, i wouldnt actually say english or tagalog. i’d say taglish, the unholy code switching combination of the two. the thing with taglish thats different from what youre talking about is that with taglish, it is DEFINITELY not straight through and through from english to tagalog. every other word code switches. grammar and structure has to go through some hoops to accommodate both. we even adapt tagalog conjugations for english words, something that is SO INTERESTING TO ME (i.e. “to check” - tagalog conjugation for present tense - “chinicheck”. IT’S A DISASTER ISNT IT. esp when you take into account our conjugation goes past time and goes deeper into the purpose of the action, so. “to check” - conjugation for when you didnt really intend to do the action but you just joined in with other people who were doing that action - “nakipagcheck”. AND SO ON. WELCOME TO HELL.) (if youre interested in stuff like this, Filipino English and Taglish: Language Switching from Multiple Perspectives by Roger Thompson is a great read that goes very in depth in so many aspects of taglish, from word density to possible markers like age and tradition, etc.)

taglish is definitely not formal but it’s what i talk the most because 75% of the time im not formal talking anyway. i learned english and tagalog simultaneously, so this being my instinctive, subconscious go to makes sense!!

except when im talking to people who cant understand tagalog. then it’s straight english and i dont even strictly notice? the change? in my head i just know that itd be pointless and rather confusing to use words that my conversational partner would not know, lest they consent that it’s fine i use taglish/are trying to learn more tagalog. like it is, again, completely natural to go straight english whereas if i was talking to somebody who did speak tagalog, my switch to taglish would be just as natural. i dont feel a, like, a force? anywhere? the hardest thing i deal with when speaking straight english are my word fillers which are in tagalog/taglish slang (i.e. yung ano, anong tawag diyan, gets?, diba?) which CONSTANTLY slip out no matter how english im talking. when i was in singapore it took me like a whole hour to realize i was doing that and i only noticed because people asked me what the hell i was saying inbetween everything else i was saying shfjdhkf.

ive only ever written one bilingual character, and thats michael. my opinions on how he’d interact with language are a little different mostly because he’s a filipino in america, and fil-ams born in the US have the tendency to not have as much fluency in tagalog or other filipino languages their parents/family know. also, i really wanted to project my conyo taglish experiences onto him. so he speaks tagalog but goes taglish with jeremy because jeremy explicitly gives consent to him that it’s fine. had that consent not happened, i doubt michael wouldve spoke any tagalog to him, and it wouldnt have been too much of a hassle, aside from words that slip through, which, in his case, would be swear words. as the fic goes on, i stray from the simple tagalog/english thing and go even to like the emotional weight of one language and the other, but thats a WHOLE OTHER THING TO DISCUSS

//vague hand gestures??? I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE OMG??

#theres also a thing here where we subconsciously change accents depending on who we are talking to but thats #a lil off topic. and this is LONG AND RAMBLY ENOUGH #language things #nymm-kirimoto #asks #OH and this only all applies when im speaking verbally. through text it's a whole lot easier to regulate what language ends up happening

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musherum · 7 years ago

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long post -/ cael talks about her new asthma medication and recent Realizations

honestly? im noticing a lot of improvement since i started the new medication. its a corticosteroid, which is a kind of drug that is exclusively for treating constrictive asthma. there are two different types of asthma, see: theres inflammatory, which responds well to treatment with ventalin, the most common inhaler which provides immediate, “emergency” relief when you have an attack of inflammatory asthma, and theres constrictive, which doesnt respond to it at all. this was the “missing link” i was looking for. i didnt know about the medication requirements for that form of asthma until a few days ago when i had a major attack of constrictive asthma.

it.... took me a lot to finally say to my mum “i need to go to a doctor. i am having a lot of trouble breathing, and i cannot function. i know this cannot be normal.” it took even more, though, to say to her that i needed to stay home that day, and miss the GED class im taking - even though the day before was the first session. my mom has screamed at me and called me a failure and an idiot before, when she caught me skipping school because of depression and fatigue. that was a very very big step for me, facing my fear of my mom yelling at me again. but i could not focus on anything, not with how laboured my breathing was. it was the frustration of not being able to sleep that finally pushed me over the edge - while i was up all night with my then untreated and untreatable asthma attack, i

i told her my symptoms, and then explained to her my, uh, “theory” that i had a form of asthma that didnt respond to ventalin. i got the name wrong (i mixed up constrictive and inflammatory), but otherwise, i got it entirely correct. i was so scared that she might brush me off, like what had happened before with so many people when i was younger. it had even happened with other doctors. but, fortunatley, she quickly agreed with me that it appears i need a corticosteroid as well as my ventalin to treat my symptoms.

i didnt know, before very recently, that ventalin is exclusively for inflammatory asthma, or that constrictive asthma requires cordicosteroids to treat. all along, i thought i was just being lazy, or dumb, or panicking, or lying, or a that i just didnt care. because people have said things like this to me. all throughout my life. i would say, “i cannot breathe,” and they would say, “take your emergency (ventalin) puffer.” so i would. and when i said i still didnt feel better, after i took my ventalin puffer in front of them, they stopped believing it could be asthma. older people, the ones who were supposed to take care of kids when theyre hurting, were the MOST dissmissive of my complaints. because they thought they knew everything about what asthma was. better than a kid who had it.

i thought that whatever it was, it couldnt be asthma, because so many older people told me so. no one ever told me that constrictory asthma needed a different additional medication. no one told me that i needed it. everyone said that asthma could just be treated with a ventalin inhaler, period, and that if i was so out of breath, i should just use mine. and i did. and itd didnt work. so i figured... i must not have asthma. because surely an adult knows better than i do, right?

as i grew up, my memories faded as memories do - but none so much as that of the visit to the doctors when i was first diagnosed. i can remember only a precious handful of details now; a diagram that depicted the inside of the lungs, shown with one having its air-tubes contracted tightly, and the other clogged up with mucus. i forgot about it because i was full of self loathing, i feel like, at least in part - its much harder to control your emotions when you dont have enough oxygen to normally power your brain, and the bullying i withstood, while not violent, was very frequent. i was very much not a “popular kid,” ill leave it there. a lot of people hated me. and a lot of people only pretended to like me, and i wasnt able to tell they were laughing at me. when you have shit like that on your mind constantly, and youre oxygen starved??? you tend to be a little, uh, distracted. im not surprised that i dont remember it well. but i wish i did. all i know for sure is that at the end of the day, i had a ventalin puffer, and that was it. i think there may have been a misunderstanding - when the doctor said that the cortisol (the most common, brand-name corticosteroid) is for long-term relief and the ventalin is for emergencies, my mom might have thought something along the lines of, “my child had an asthma attack, and it was an emergency. therefore ventalin is what we need, not cortisol.” but again, i dont know that for sure, and i dont want to throw anyone under the bus. it may have been that, or it may not have been. but i feel that my mom likely wouldnt remember if i asked her - taking ME to a doctors appointment wouldnt rank very high on her “important life moments” list, i suspect.

and so as i grew up, again, i had ventalin, but i very rarely remember having cortisol around, let alone taking it. uh, sorry i mean, corticosteroids. anyway, um... i think i was depressed then, even as a kid. my mom did not impress the importance of the medicine on me - she said it wasnt a that big a deal, that i only need to take it “sometimes.” and so when i ran out, i figured i didnt have to rush to tell her. and, of course, i didnt have the energy to take it every day - couldnt breath. in fact, because it required me to wash my mouth out through after taking it every morning and night, it was significantly more difficult to take the medicine that treated my constrictive asthma. and again, i did not have energy to let me do what i knew i was supposed to. and i did not know that just taking the corticosteroid regularly would help me get my energy back, because no one ever told me that my energy had... WENT anywhere. they didnt mention it being a part of the disease, so i assumed to was unrelated. i didnt know the science behind it back then, i was a little kid! and so it was that every time i had a flair-up, people kept telling me to use my ventalin inhaler, the one thats for “emergencies,” if i really felt so bad. and so.... i would. and the ventalin would not ease my constricted lungs, because its intended for inflammation. and when i tried to tell them it wasnt working, people would start telling me it wasnt asthma, and that it had to be something else - something that i was fucking up. and i believed them. i believed what they told me. because i thought that adults were supposed to be smart, and know more than kids, and that they were supposed to protect me when i said i was hurting. i thought they were supposed to help children when theyre hurting. and so all along, i believed them, cause why would they lie to me? they must know what theyre talking about. adults know more than kids, they never shut up about it, i probably thought. and... so i started to really internalize the idea that it was my fault. that i was always so tired, and forgetful, and weak, and exhausted, and out of breath, and bad at talking, and bad at concentrating, and bad in school, and bad at everything... because i was just a bad person. i even thought it was my fault that my hands wouldnt stop shaking - no matter how much i drew. my lines were always crooked and bent. so because i never knew that cortisol was the medicine i needed the most, i was never ABLE to stop my hands from shaking, no matter how hard i tried and how much i practiced drawing. so i assumed i was just a naturally shitty artist, and began to resign myself to a life of never being able to create something beautiful. no matter how much i practiced drawing.

all of it was because of my constrictive asthma - either because of too little air being able to penetrate my lungs and oxygenate my body and bloodstream, or because of the sharp, sudden and literally dizzying rips of air that i had to suck in just to breath at all.

all these years of hating myself have been perpetuated so needlessly, all because people assumed they knew better than a kid. even when the kid tells you “he” (really she, im talking about me as a kid after all) has a disease and that “he” (again, she) cant breathe and that “he” (SHE) has tried what you are suggesting and it does ever work. even if that kid is literally telling them, “it is my disease that is causing this.”

because people brushed me off, and put me down, even when i was telling them that i couldnt breath. even when i tried to explain to them that i felt like i was being slowly suffocated, by an invisble hand squeezing the air out of my chest. because thats what it DOES feel like.

...fuck, man. that was fucked up.

#yall better treat kids as gently and kindly as humanly possible #you better fucking believe them when they say theyre hurting. you better try to fucking help instead of judging them.#or else theyll end up all fucked up like me #im getting better. i can feel that im get better #slowly #but its only because i fought past my intense fear of being told that what i was feeling wasnt real #i dont want kids to have to go through that too. i dont want anyone to #but these things start when we're children. and it seriously damages us.#sometimes beyond the ability to repair ourselves #so please. please for the love of god dont be mean to kids when they arent hurting anything or anyone.#they are the very definition of 'innocent.'#and you can hurt them very badly without meaning to. not just their bodies but also their young minds are delicate #if they hurt something or someone it can only ever be because they didnt understand that it would be wrong. kids are inherently NOT evil #but they ARE inherently inconsiderate. because theyre still learning.#ignorance always precedes knowlege #and children are literally by definition 'new to this.'#so you must please be gentle with them. *please.*#you need to be patient and gentle and explain it to them. and listen to them when they say somethings wrong #and when you think theyve DONE something wrong?#you need to be calm and you need to be patient. do not get angry at a child for not knowing what is right yet.#they havent had a CHANCE to learn.#be the person to give them that chance.#not the person who damages them for life.

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