#even if he gives 0 fuck about all the girls who had to get abortions...

[thesmokinpossum]

So I am once again rereading the Godfather and I already knew that Fredo is a horny little gremlin (affectionate) but I hadn't realized that he managed to catch 4 STIs and impregnate 15 women in about 3 years, dude really got to Vegas and immediately decided to become the textbook definition of community dick

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: pick me up Joe: rude you clearly did without me Joe: but I'll be able to do a twofer, yeah 👌 Joe: send your distress signal so I know where to point Ronnie: [wherever she's been working for a hot sec, I dread to think lol] Joe: you making a complaint about their cold-calls in person? Joe: tick off initiative on your CV Ronnie: my sides have split & it aint fuck all to the piss poor stitching Joe: see how far we can stretch your guts either side of you, fun Joe: did you self-sew or see one of your gun-wielding pals? different principle tats and triage Ronnie: then you can play a round of guess how much of this blood is mine, get yourself proper going Joe: too kind, stop me from charging the going rate for a while yet 🚖 Joe: what office supply did you use though Joe: if you were too cliche, you are going to have to sit up front and talk to me, proper cabbie punishment Ronnie: everything got nicked day 1 baby they werent about to waste any staples keeping shit on desks Ronnie: phone & a script is your lot Joe: there any drug we can act like anyone's calling it oscar on the street? Joe: you fully Joe Pesci'd someone with the phone, yeah? 👏 Ronnie: any gear that should go straight in the bin Ronnie: call it oscar Joe: you are wasted on 0 hour contracts, my dear Ronnie: not wasted enough for em Joe: join me at your local overpriced shit coffee dealer Joe: our bathrooms couldn't pass a piss test but they all only want the ⬆pers Joe: 💔 Ronnie: ill have an escort if you dont get a fucking move on Ronnie: you got enough student spends to feed coffee & doughnuts to the full force yeah Joe: say lucky you but security guards got as many hairs on their head as they got IQ points Joe: lot down Soho are decent conversationalists, unlike Daz and Gaz Joe: I did just get this terms though so hold on and you can help me 🔥 through it Ronnie: i dont get turned on by einstein & his pals mckenna thats your wank fuel Ronnie: easiest way to get a cunt off my back is to put him on his Joe: he only banged his cousin, that's nothing to waste energy on Ronnie: 💔 none of your cousins look enough like your mam for you Joe: why do you think i was searching Joe: daring to dream Ronnie: give a fuck about your nancy drew fantasies Ronnie: that schoolgirl shit is tapped Joe: the catholic schoolgirl uniforms have been overstated Joe: not all that in person, be the review Joe: nuns though, yeah Joe: enough mild peril to manage Ronnie: charlie will be gutted youve switched from homos to dykes Joe: you're the only one who's guts I wanna play around Joe: I'll break it to him nicely Joe: doughnuts, yeah Ronnie: consolation hole Ronnie: youve had shitter ideas Joe: it was yours, in fairness Joe: dunno about offering up my hole to every bloke at the met but if I put my foot down shouldn't be an issue Ronnie: i dont reckon a consolation footjob is gonna cut it Ronnie: not my first offence Joe: giving away how highly you think of my 🍑 Joe: what happened then, beyond telemarketing being worse than shitting out razorblades Ronnie: you wish you had 1 whitey Joe: says you Ronnie: if i had any curves theyd be cut off by now Joe: junkie chic before the habit Joe: some girls have all the luck Ronnie: lucky i need your bullshit heroics for this or id send you on a fools errand to sleuth the pieces out of landfill Joe: white knight > jester Joe: not my usual style, but for you I'll make an exception Ronnie: unless youre gonna say your horse fucking girlfriend dressed you the other night ive already seen it like Joe: you think her thing is budget kurt cobain? Joe: or that she's blind Ronnie: be blind by now if you catholics arent full of shit about touching yourself too much Ronnie: homesick for the horse & rejected by you Joe: what do you think its called Joe: my bets are on some boy band member she fancied when she was 11 and daddy was gutted Ronnie: or the 1st lad she wanted to meet round the back of the bike sheds Joe: you're such a romantic Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: im thinking like a basic white bitch from kent or wherever the fuck you said Joe: you do it well Joe: no way her school had anything common like bikesheds though so knocking a point off Joe: getting fingered on the hellipad is more voyeuristic but has less of a charm about it Ronnie: write a song about it Ronnie: shes gonna be charmed by the namedrop Joe: return the favour Joe: she's making me help her with her coursework Ronnie: plaster cast of your cock and then what Ronnie: tell her you aint no hendrix & its been done Joe: charlie wishes, whitey Joe: I'll cc 'em both in about my disappointing dick Ronnie: ill pass on gaz & daz numbers Joe: god I hope the plaster ain't dried Ronnie: god aint listening to you nancy Joe: adds up Joe: that kind of dad, technically always keep an eye but going in one ear and out the other Joe: 💔 woe is me Ronnie: irish catholics aint got fuck all going on between the ears she werent in it for that Joe: fucked me up with her shit genetics then Joe: you manage to get a pen? Joe: shove it in my ear and dig it out Ronnie: pull it out of my neck & you can stick it where you like Joe: we'll let the blood piss out 'til it feels right Ronnie: im the romantic Ronnie: shut up Joe: alright, you need to be conscious to woo me Ronnie: couldve fooled me Joe: dead girls pale in comparison Joe: 💘 Ronnie: the boners you lot have got for open caskets over there i dont reckon youve ever seen a dead girl the proper colour Joe: just said you were #1 but you've got to be 1 and only, yeah? Ronnie: in your fever dreams mckenna Ronnie: i aint looking that much like your ma however much slap i put on Joe: you're prettier than her Ronnie: now you want me to drink bleach instead of having a bath in it Ronnie: make up your fucking mind like Joe: just knew that would wind you up Joe: gotta bring out some cliches Joe: you're perfect just the way you are, you know Ronnie: drop dead Joe: god willing Joe: he's being fucking slow about it, despite my best efforts Ronnie: ill give it my best shot if you keep on Joe: another one for the cv Ronnie: find it written in my blood shit & bile on this wall Ronnie: thats your girlfriends coursework aced for her Joe: beats the lecture I'm skipping out on by miles Ronnie: no shit none of em are dressed like nuns Joe: none of 'em hate me like you either Joe: so damn likeable, its a curse Ronnie: i dont wanna hear about all your teachers trying to pet you Ronnie: childhoods over golden boy Joe: and all without me getting molested once Joe: by any nuns or teachers anyway Ronnie: 💔 Ronnie: why youre such an annoying cunt Joe: abuse really humbles you, does it Joe: builds character Ronnie: gives you something to properly cry about Joe: got nothing on the shit my brain can make up Joe: idle hands and all that Ronnie: yeah youre so special baby Joe: it's just being mental or not Joe: if you ain't, you can go through whatever fucked up shit and be alright still Joe: if you're mental nothing even needs to happen and you'll be worse off Joe: some of us ain't got a chance from conception Ronnie: tell me something i dont know Ronnie: poster child for not having a fucking chance & any mental problems they wanna attach Joe: you better pay for more ad space Joe: call it karma, or dodgy genetics Joe: but I make a great case for abortion Ronnie: like i said before not one that needs to be put to me Ronnie: had more of em than youve had misery boners Joe: won't make you tell me about 'em Joe: no way you'd be as descriptive as the furious pro-lifers who act like the baby is fit to crawl out when you kill it Ronnie: hot Ronnie: shouldve called 1 of em to pick me up instead Joe: condemnation and loathing is meant to be my thing Ronnie: sharings meant to be your thing too yeah? Joe: only when it's inadvisable Ronnie: only when you wanna Joe: if you got to play oldest you'd know that's sadly untrue Ronnie: stuck being the cliche middle kid between fitz & the other one Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: seeking attention and approval because you're overlooked and under-appreciated? Joe: it's why 3 is a good number, any more and you've got multiple middle kids Joe: maybe I don't wanna fuck my mum, just missing all 3 of my own so much 🙄 Ronnie: they wish anyone could overlook me Ronnie: & you deffo do wanna fuck her so thats shit on your thesis Joe: yeah, sounds just like them Joe: suits you Joe: like the basic white bitch thing Ronnie: go fuck your mam Ronnie: im too tired for this Joe: you won't have no early start tomorrow sound of Ronnie: didnt have an early start today Ronnie: thats what kicked off this bullshit Joe: fair enough Joe: who wants a cold call at 7am Ronnie: the cunt who runs the place will be getting 1 off me til he pays me Joe: lucky him Joe: might wanna stay in your debt longer, romantic that you are Joe: attention very flattering Ronnie: what im hearing is i should tell his missus some fucking fairytale about the attention he was giving me Ronnie: everyonell be made up with the lie Joe: could do Joe: like your flair Joe: or I could come in, tell him you're mental and that he didn't make adequate allowances for you but now you're too traumatized to come back so he should just pay and we won't have to sue Joe: might get damages on top Ronnie: who are you my fucking school age carer like Joe: i'm believable, and more palatable than you outwardly Joe: anyway i look older Ronnie: than what 12 Joe: you have a baby face Joe: i look like i've not slept in as many years Joe: which is pretty accurate, as it goes Ronnie: do i fuck Ronnie: i look like ive shaken a baby to death Joe: child on child crime Joe: shocking headlines there, like that scottish girl who was fucked then got out and was someone's gran like she didn't kill a toddler Ronnie: see how palatable you are when I kick your teeth in Joe: it's a curse Joe: if you wanna lift it and be my hero instead of it being this way 'round Joe: love you forever, like Ronnie: ill lift your wallet fuck the rest Joe: already offered you my money Joe: not even a challenge, soft touch Ronnie: like youve ever been challenged soft lad Joe: go on Ronnie: youre already going on loads Joe: bet you've never heard about the traffic in this city, have ya Ronnie: fuck it ill go lay in it Joe: 😍 Ronnie: save the pillow talk for when youre offering me somewhere else to sleep Ronnie: would let you fuck me for entry to horse girls en suite if theres a bath in it Joe: where's your bed gone Ronnie: its got a hysterical homo in it whos only gonna get himself in more of a fanny flap cause ive been sacked Ronnie: ill take the wreckage of a 4 car pile up or whatever Joe: gotcha Joe: how long 'fore he calms it Ronnie: how long are you offering to spend buying him drinks & cupping his balls Joe: i get it Joe: you wanna wifeswap Joe: not just her art assignment you're interested in Joe: but you can just take my bed, I'm always falling asleep on the sofa or up the table and she'll relish at more chance to watch me sleeping Ronnie: your room got a 🔒 Joe: yeah but you're alright, it's on the inside Joe: not going to get fritzl about it Ronnie: youd need more than that to keep me in Ronnie: which youd know if you were earning off dealing with my mental problems Joe: not giving you a challenge either, don't get hysterical yourself like Ronnie: you couldnt like Ronnie: bigger pussy than your basic white girlfriend Joe: oh god stop talking about it Joe: i'll be sick Ronnie: no stomach for any kind of challenge Joe: you crack on Joe: i'll stick to 🍩 Ronnie: not so needy for some clean piss that ill be licking her out for it Joe: you should write this song for me Ronnie: whats in it for me Ronnie: got all your spends on a promise as is Joe: the fame and full writing credits, obviously Ronnie: fuck off obviously Joe: that's how we know you're not really a middle kid Ronnie: more shit you can come at your ma with Joe: I'll save it for the next holiday Ronnie: 💘 Joe: what about your dad Ronnie: i dont reckon hes up for another go on her if youre there watching Joe: 💔 Joe: i meant do you know what happened to him Joe: you might have more interesting half brothers out there, what I'm thinking Ronnie: got no interest in little fucking kids Joe: so you do know Joe: did he come find you or what Ronnie: dont get jealous nance Ronnie: did it myself like Joe: he meet your expectations Ronnie: what kind of fucking soft shit is that Ronnie: get a grip mckenna he aint rich Joe: a no would suffice Joe: though it's adorable you really kicked it like Annie over it Joe: you could've said you had none, or you expected him to be dead or worse, a useless cunt Ronnie: why would i say fuck all to you about it Joe: too painful too private Joe: gotcha Ronnie: wank over your own parents when i aint waiting Joe: the fact you've not implied I'd prematurely cum in my pants Joe: you're so full of hope it's equal parts inspiring and worrying Ronnie: get out of my face before i kick yours in Ronnie: everyone who aint gone blind can see youre a virgin Joe: don't be jealous, sid Ronnie: you cant tell your older sister what to do baby Ronnie: that aint how this works Joe: it wasn't good ever Ronnie: course youre crying about that too Ronnie: fucking hell Joe: just trying to ease your jealousy Joe: anyway, you'll be pleased to know the lacklustre results were down to my lack of trying, not theirs Ronnie: 1 less dose of the clap & i might still be fertile now thats fucking worrying Ronnie: keep your status choir boy Joe: bit cliche far as fantasies go but alright Ronnie: you started it Ronnie: trying to make me feel special Joe: no need to try is there Ronnie: not now my gag reflex has been triggered Joe: like that ain't been decimated by now too Ronnie: youre learning Ronnie: your teachersll be made up Joe: hope for the molestation yet? Joe: nice Ronnie: ease your 💔 & limp dick Joe: calm down Joe: might get attached Ronnie: do your grades the world of good Joe: you wanna help me with my homework? Ronnie: youre that shit in the sack you still wont get an a after giving your teachers a going over Ronnie: unlucky like Joe: so you can help me Joe: what else you gonna do whilst you're hiding from charlie Ronnie: use your imagination Joe: no need Joe: you'll be sharing Ronnie: cant stop you kicking the door in Ronnie: its yours Joe: just the needle, not the bed, like Joe: you're fine Ronnie: yeah youll be between horse girls sheets Joe: don't reckon she's strong enough to carry me Ronnie: only has to strap a saddle on Joe: 😂 Ronnie: fuck knows what she would fill your nose bag with Joe: the surprise is the fun part Ronnie: dont come crying to me when its oscar Joe: if she was half as interesting as you're making out, might stand a chance of working Joe: as it goes, probably be granola Ronnie: stick her thatll make her more your type Joe: come on Joe: she don't look a thing like my mother Ronnie: fucks sake when shes under get a 🔪 Ronnie: do your best like Joe: i keep telling you i'm not one for trying Ronnie: trying not to cry is as far as it goes yeah Joe: even my kiddy medicine cuts that shit off Joe: ain't been able to since I was 12 Joe: not that there was much call for it, my perfect life with mummy dearest Ronnie: the other week before you met me then Ronnie: gutted i broke your streak Joe: you sure you ain't interested in little fucking kids Joe: rearrange that sentence and Freud is having a field day Ronnie: make the effort to get here before i start to rot Ronnie: not trying to make that cunts day or yours Joe: you'd have liked him Ronnie: he rich off peddling that bullshit to the masses Joe: yeah and he reckoned cocaine was the cure for heroin addiction so he really knew a good time Ronnie: sounds like my not boyfriend Joe: oh yeah? Joe: well his grandson was cooler Joe: he fucked kate moss when he was like 70 Ronnie: anyone written a song about that Joe: maybe pete did Joe: he was a painter though so he painted her with her kit off, obviously Joe: reckon it's free for us to give it a crack Ronnie: your girlfriend painted you yet or what Joe: she wants to Ronnie: no shit mckenna Ronnie: every cunt there nearly fucking went arse over tit in the puddle she was sat in at that gig Joe: so that's what that sticky feeling was Ronnie: her juices or charlies Joe: that's called mixed media Joe: potential bio-hazard for her profs though Ronnie: worst theyre gonna get off her is thrush Ronnie: never met a bitch so clean Joe: yeah Joe: boring Ronnie: i told you to kill her last time you started being a baby about it Joe: you can have homicidal, sis Joe: boring but harmless Ronnie: cocaines harmless after heroin you & freud are still pussy enough to call it a party Joe: why it's a cure Joe: get you from comatose to semi-functioning Ronnie: she could be a cure too Ronnie: cold turkey Joe: weren't searching for a cure Joe: am i coming in or are you coming out Joe: can't see you Ronnie: cause youre comatose Ronnie: gutted this ex boss aint a cokehead Joe: not far off Joe: he your not boyfriend or is that just what we're telling the wife Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: he couldnt fund your baby habit nevermind mine Joe: we going there first then Ronnie: yeah Joe: if we get your wages, we don't have to Joe: [come in boy] Ronnie: [a look like go on impress me by getting these wages boy] Joe: [when you can give it social worker chat 'cos what Tess does and the whole beeline of it all like you can be convincing enough that he's breaking some kind of equality law by sacking her without pay lol] Ronnie: [love that for you Joseph even if she won't let you know she's impressed and also lowkey triggered by that social worker energy] Joe: [honestly, lbr this man surely just wants you gone, won't take too much persuading] Ronnie: [literally and he's clearly in some way shady if he's 1. employed her and also 2. not called the police on her rn] Joe: [no leg to stand on sir, love this shakedown for you] Ronnie: [I bet they're all illegals and people being exploited] Joe: [its a mood, as in happens all the time esp. in cities, least you can hit him up again lads, long as he don't get y'all beaten up or something lol] Ronnie: [tbf if you do get beaten up that's a mood too] Joe: [yeah, when they find out you are not social and just taking their money lol] Ronnie: [love a scam] Joe: [the kind of nonsense have your mother rolling in her grave she's not in, love that we're starting that now] Ronnie: [I approve of the vibe, start as you mean to go on lads, all before you've made his poor flatmate wanna die lol] Joe: [poor gal did not ask for you as a flatmate let alone all this lol] Ronnie: [do you wanna skip to like when she's back and Ronnie's in his room or whatever because easy way to keep the convo going without needing it to be face to face] Joe: [works for me henny] Ronnie: [your turn to start boo] Joe: doubt she'll leave her room any time soon now Ronnie: 💔 Joe: yeah poor girl Joe: saying you got free reign, if you need anything Ronnie: i had it before Ronnie: not scared of her like Joe: nah Joe: what about charlie then Joe: or you just don't wanna upset him Ronnie: yeah terrified Ronnie: well sleuthed nancy Joe: that he'll get sick of you, maybe Ronnie: i fucking told you we aint the kind of family who get rid Joe: yeah Ronnie: dont project onto me Ronnie: we aint nothing alike Joe: i'm the one sick of them Joe: if anything Ronnie: yeah & he aint fuck all like you either Joe: I can see that Ronnie: youve seen him once dont flatter yourself Joe: and it's that obvious Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: what? Joe: i only need to know one half the equation to know we're not the same Joe: it's a compliment to him if fuck all else Ronnie: give it to him then Ronnie: hell lap it up Joe: i told you it's nice Joe: what you lot got Joe: but i'm not looking to get in on it if that's what you reckon Ronnie: take what you want pussy Joe: that's not your thing? Ronnie: what we cant both do it Joe: potentially Ronnie: dont remember you having any hesitation to share a needle Ronnie: grow a pair when youre not getting shot up Ronnie: maybe the dayll come when i dont have to spoon feed you the gear like a fucking kid Joe: i'd have to work out if i want anything but first Ronnie: yeah Joe: is it all you want Joe: the heroin Ronnie: mind your fucking business Joe: alright Joe: do you want to do my next tattoo or what Ronnie: i said take what you fucking want Joe: [come through with ink you've undoubtedly stole from your flatmate, also being more spacey/twitchy than normal like distract me gal] Ronnie: [love how old school & gross we're kicking this tattoo situation unlike when Ali does it] Joe: [which is absolutely the point, how your arms and legs don't fall off lol] Ronnie: [their other ones probably wouldn't have even healed yet cos lbr it's gonna be no time in between these interactions] Joe: [just loads of lowkey open wounds, like that isn't life anyway] Ronnie: [mhmm they'd be fucked already too cos they are so itchy when they are healing and y'all don't have chill] Joe: [all the reason for constant touch ups/ messing with so it casually never heals #mood] Ronnie: [I didn't think of that but I stan] Joe: [casual metaphor for your everything lads] Ronnie: [you know you can do anything to her tattoowise yourself Joseph she don't care] Joe: [probably doing some weird repitition moment you'd usually do on yourself which will be painful af excuse you] Ronnie: [she do love the pain you're fine] Joe: [good thing too, we're just here fucking each other up like this ain't gonna go anywhere else lolllllll] Ronnie: [way more #into it than I should be considering I don't  even like when people shout lol] Joe: [you babby, they are not, obviously we're getting and taking drugs even if she's too naive to know why they're in such a state, maybe they can make a dealer come to them when they're feeling fancy/have already had loads lol] Ronnie: [take a moment to appreciate how few clothes she is wearing rn and how much that means this poor gal can and would see like we've got track marks and self harm scars for days even before you start on the tattoos lol, you're gonna get clued in before she leaves hen] Joe: [honestly props for not running home screaming tbh babe] Ronnie: [especially when this dealer comes because he ain't Drew like he should be scary af] Joe: [lowkey makes you work for it even when you're paying 'cos hates junkies] Ronnie: [at least she can basically fuck him in full view for Joe's benefit because the vibe is already there haha] Joe: [i truly love thinking about what the hell you're telling the flatmate when she leaves, she's not that stupid, also must fancy you if she doesn't report you immediately lol] Ronnie: [she definitely does that's not just Ronnie's bpd jealousy shining through like did you tell her you were related after the gig or what even Joseph what's the narrative] Joe: [also, entirely unrelated, when you bleaching your hair 'cos it looks so much better lol, anyways, he's probably had to go with a troubled sister narrative 'cos she's the type to be sympathetic and it makes sense why he'd deal from her pov] Ronnie: [that's gonna make the obvious sexual tension awkward but yeah I vote they definitely do it while she's staying because same vibe as the tattoo sesh so] Joe: [ikr, when you're blatantly fucking this will be very confusing, you should deffo only be about 1st year lol] Ronnie: [are you gonna give him another different flatmate in year 2 or like none?] Joe: [maybe for year 2  on you can still have some like a house share moment but he's the one you never see and has nothing to do with you] Ronnie: [that works definitely cos like I was just thinking how could he afford somewhere on his own] Joe: [yeah, even if we're technically employed whilst in uni by the orchestra, it's not gonna be loads, and that's how London be even if you're not a student] Ronnie: [how long do we think she should stay for this time because obvs she's coming back again and again but] Joe: [hmm, like he isn't gonna tell her to go so it's on her for how long she can deal lol] Ronnie: [just cos I'm thinking she should leave because something happens/almost does and it freaks her out because she's meant to hate him and there's only so much you can play off as doing for shock value when you're blatantly into it] Joe: [that makes sense, clearly it ain't gonna take long for that to transpire] Ronnie: [yeah a few days is what I'm imagining, but like enough that she probably thinks nothing will happen because it hasn't so far, if that makes sense] Joe: [i'm with it] Ronnie: [how far do we wanna go is always the question] Ronnie: [okay idea time, hear me out hun, what if it's like an unexpectedly pure/cute moment by their standards that happens in the day to day because the obvious would be to have them go all in when they are fucked up but like think about it] Joe: [that's what I thought too though 'cos it's more impactful 'cos it isn't as if it's gonna start with a kiss when it does for real like it's all extra and them to cover that it's about anything but being fucked up, so that would shake you both] Ronnie: [so glad we're on the same page here, like I can't think of a good example of what I mean/think should happen but] Joe: [we know the vibe, doing something vaguely domestic before realizing what you're doing] Ronnie: [so she gotta run away and nobody is gonna know where she is or what she's doing for a bit soz Charlie & Bronson] Joe: [you wanna skip to that time period now, this hasn't been excessively long or anything[ Ronnie: [we totally can because we can always skip back/add it if we think of anything else we wanna do while she's there etc] Ronnie: [I've had a potential idea how to start this so neither of them technically has to bite the bullet and go first like if you give me a rough idea what kind of thing Charlie would say e.g where are you/are you dead bitch and I'll reply here like she's in the wrong convo lol] Joe: [that's a good idea boo, probably something like you can stop hiding now and an update about whatever the fuck he's up to in his life which you can make up you know the vibe lol] Ronnie: [I was just like realistically if they were both shook by what happened neither of them are gonna be like oh hey] Joe: [yeah like it'd take him a while even if he would 'cos not just gonna let this go that easy, so it's a solid way to do it] Ronnie: a real scouse ma's meant to shout down the street when its time to stop playing about Ronnie: lazy cunt Joe: I'm only half if I'm anything, and you probably won't give me that any rate Ronnie: 🖕 not talking to you Ronnie: got the wrong gaylord Joe: easy mistake Joe: you not got his number saved? Ronnie: if this was my phone yeah Joe: newly acquired then Ronnie: mine broke Joe: my condolences Joe: wall or pavement? Ronnie: what the fuck does it matter Joe: just making conversation whilst you're here Ronnie: if youve got something to say go ed Ronnie: but if youre gonna pussy out as per it got waterlogged Joe: you dying for the uni update like my ma is a top performance, cheers, like Joe: rice didn't work or you didn't fancy eating toilet water rice after Ronnie: loads in common me & her aint just a pretty face like Ronnie: dont know what kind of fucking 12 year old in a k hole at a festival you take me for mckenna Joe: yeah, it's a shame Joe: soph says save some for the 🐎s Ronnie: cold showers work better for misery boners than they do a suspected od but these fucking amateurs aint know jack shit obviously Ronnie: shame & shameful that is Joe: I'm a better sesh companion Ronnie: ill take the 🐴 Ronnie: whole or in bits Joe: seems the possessive type Ronnie: thats your bitch Joe: who I meant but I ain't claiming her Ronnie: bet shed be made up over a uni update Joe: bold of you to assume we haven't had many delightful lunch dates whilst you've been having cold showers Ronnie: give a fuck if youve been eating her out at any time of day Joe: yeah well I'm pretty gutted you've replaced me with another newbie Ronnie: stop fucking crying Ronnie: i aint running a nursery Joe: ain't the only one sounds of your reply Ronnie: fuck off Joe: reckon he's over you getting the sack now Ronnie: not everythings about that mary Ronnie: & he aint my keeper Joe: just your mum, I got the message Ronnie: he reckons he can baby me it aint the same thing Joe: he's older than you yeah Ronnie: youve got a sister other than me dont act like you cant get your head round it Joe: not really my M.O. Ronnie: special yeah Joe: she's got a dad and another brother happy enough to oblige Ronnie: i dont need to puke up my good time Joe: thought your stomach and nerve were meant to be stronger than that Ronnie: whatever you think about me is bullshit baby Joe: just what you've put out there Ronnie: & yours is heroics just warning you this aint no od like Ronnie: aint gotta press eject Joe: you're typing Joe: don't think anyone knows you well enough to commit to the impression here Ronnie: talking Ronnie: everyone knows idle hands are dangerous Ronnie: but that dont mean i gotta keep em busy typing Joe: yeah Joe: know the feeling Ronnie: its used to my accent & everything Ronnie: more than i can say for the live cunts here Joe: you in 💘 with your phone that's dead cute Joe: its worse when you're angry Ronnie: not in 💘 with kent Ronnie: your girlfriend proper missold it Joe: fuck off are you in kent 😂 Ronnie: fucked you over if you were gonna come carry me out again Joe: acting like you didn't ask Joe: if you're going to now, do it, like Ronnie: if you dump her back home who the fucks keeping the leccy on Joe: only got a baby habit ain't I Ronnie: what so youre carrying me out & dumping me where Ronnie: anywhere near & im taking your money shithead Joe: we don't need electric Ronnie: how will you get off on me wearing your mams face in the dark Joe: would hate to waste your hard work, obviously Ronnie: what hard work Joe: liberating my mums face from her skull Ronnie: be my pleasure Ronnie: all play Joe: alright then Joe: i'll be able to keep up Ronnie: big talk for a 12 year old virgin Joe: hiding it kent you can't talk or type about it Ronnie: im not fucking hiding Joe: yeah right Ronnie: plain sight baby Joe: 40 miles Ronnie: & Joe: if you wanna play, you're gonna have to give me another clue Joe: know if i'm getting warm Ronnie: [a blurry picture clue] Ronnie: 💘 Joe: they new friends or old Ronnie: waste of a question Joe: how many do i have left Ronnie: 39 but if you need that many dont fucking bother Joe: you don't wanna disappointed so bad Ronnie: you disappoint me by coming out the same hole Joe: that don't have to matter Joe: plenty have Ronnie: yeah but i aint met the rest of your happy family Joe: you wanna Ronnie: 38 now Joe: it could've been a statement Ronnie: was it Joe: 39 for you Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: you wanted to go to the beach Ronnie: that a question or what soft lad Joe: ?* Ronnie: didnt know there was 1 Joe: it's a county you know Ronnie: how the fuck would i know that Ronnie: shut up Joe: do you wanna go to the beach Ronnie: i can drown you in the sink Joe: i didn't put you in the shower Joe: or your phone Ronnie: youd have been made up by how blue i went though Ronnie: well like a dead girl Joe: yeah? Joe: what's it feel like Ronnie: youll get your own go Ronnie: aint holding your hand forever like Joe: gutted Ronnie: you wont reckon so when you outgrow that baby habit Joe: i'd mind if you died Ronnie: give you something to cry about Ronnie: youd be fucking into it Joe: nah Joe: people who've got shit to mope on usually don't Joe: enjoy it too much don't I, can't be having it validated, takes the fun out Ronnie: most dont reckon a happy end would be cumming inside their ma Ronnie: youd enjoy having a reason to celebrate or trauma bond depending on her fucking take Joe: our mate freud would disagree Joe: she'd wear black for the rest of her life, if that's what you wanna hear Joe: but counting it as a question, 38 Ronnie: why the fuck would i wanna hear that Ronnie: be boss for her if she never shifted her bastard baby weight like Joe: 37 unless it's rhetorical Joe: i dunno what will make you feel better Ronnie: 38 wasn't a question in the first place you just counted it cause youre a cheating lil bitch Joe: what's the prize and why do you want it so much Ronnie: use your imagination fucks sake Ronnie: why do you always want your hand held Joe: waste of a question Joe: 'cos I'm such a mummy's boy duh Ronnie: if shed let you walk into the road i wouldnt be answering any of your pussy questions Ronnie: 💔 Joe: be a lot easier for all of us Joe: i'll throw myself in front of the tube, fuck up everyone's day Ronnie: ill pick myself up from kent then yeah Joe: oh so you've claimed selfish have you Ronnie: no shit nancy drew Ronnie: fitz is still crying that i 💉 you up Joe: bless Joe: you're not claiming what got me there Ronnie: cant i wasnt fucking there Joe: then don't feel guilty Ronnie: dont fucking flatter yourself Ronnie: could care less Joe: you who's trying Ronnie: taking away a question if youre gonna lie Joe: not 12, not a virgin, don't need you to hold my hand Joe: i wanted to and want to Ronnie: made up horse girl took it while i was away Joe: yeah Ronnie: get yourself checked for 🐴 aids or whatever Joe: could care less is right Ronnie: bullshit youll be gutted if you dick falls off before you put it in your ma Joe: talking about how much you do Ronnie: what are big sisters for Ronnie: ask the other one & hell stutter round how much i dont too Joe: it's not the same Ronnie: you aint special mckenna how many times Ronnie: let your ma feed you that bullshit Ronnie: & fuck knows what youve already caught from my blood Joe: bit late for warnings Ronnie: you had one first time we met like Ronnie: got eyes Joe: exactly Joe: i'm not gonna take the hint Ronnie: too subtle for you yeah Joe: if you think you could be any more blatant Joe: have fun trying Ronnie: i am Ronnie: kent dont know what hit it Joe: i bet Joe: where have you been but some strangers doss house then Joe: and that is a question Ronnie: fuck knows Ronnie: been a blur Joe: you know its about 1,500 square miles yeah Joe: remember one landmark Ronnie: you know youre only getting any fucking answers cause im coming down Joe: we don't have to play this game Joe: if you tell me where you are, you'll be picked up quicker and then you can get whatever you need Ronnie: [a location, lord only knows] Joe: alright Ronnie: for you getting high of your bullshit heroics Joe: if it makes you feel better that you need rescuing Ronnie: do i fuck Joe: then you just wanna see me Joe: either way Ronnie: shut up Joe: what's better for you? Ronnie: your money then your life Joe: very adam ant Joe: and can be arranged Joe: even though you don't have a horse or a car so I'm more of a highwayman than you Ronnie: i aint getting on your gilfriends horse i know where its been Joe: 😏 Joe: you can just admit she's more up for it than you Ronnie: admit youre fucking brain damaged Ronnie: let her be up for hand holding & playing house Joe: what are big sisters for Ronnie: beating the shit out of you Joe: look forward to it Ronnie: yeah youve missed me Joe: not afraid to say it Ronnie: write a song about it Ronnie: no names & you can play it for any bitch Joe: thanks for the hot tip Joe: kill some time on this drive Ronnie: shouldve stuck your judy in the boot Ronnie: be eye spy & red car the whole fucking way Joe: haven't put the plastic sheet down Joe: 💔 short notice Ronnie: so torch it Ronnie: i know youve always got a lighter on you Joe: what gave it away Ronnie: ive got eyes baby Joe: try not to wear it on my sleeve though Ronnie: done a shit job there Joe: why do you show yours off Ronnie: whats the point of only feeling it on the inside Joe: doing it is feeling it on the outside Ronnie: im what they fucking made me they can look at it Joe: that makes sense Joe: yeah Ronnie: what the hell are you scared of Joe: I dunno Joe: doesn't feel like fear Joe: blending in or disappearing has always been preferable Ronnie: & you have the balls to reckon im hiding here Joe: it ain't hiding if no fucker's looking Joe: easier for them and me, like Ronnie: if you gave a shit about easier you wouldnt have looked for me Joe: it was last-ditch attempt Joe: see if you were the same, like all of them too Joe: or not Joe: and you're not Ronnie: cause she ditched me Joe: maybe Ronnie: i didnt have the luxury of blending in Joe: it's not a luxury Ronnie: not when you have it Ronnie: care kids dont Joe: not at all Joe: it was a necessity to not blow my brains out and all i ended up was cracked and wishing i had Joe: you didn't have a family to not belong in Ronnie: & you did em such a massive fucking favour by not ending it all yeah Ronnie: i dont know you or fucking care & i can tell youre desperate to Joe: if she can't get over you, and she never stuck around to know you Joe: it's fuck all to do with the person and everything to do with the label Joe: son, brother Joe: you're meant to care even if life is better or basically the same without Ronnie: good fucking thing i like downers Ronnie: youd ruin an e Joe: cheers Ronnie: get over her for fucks sake Ronnie: keep saying youre not 12 Joe: didn't have that luxury Ronnie: loads more cunts willing to fuck you over Ronnie: live a little like Joe: yeah that'll make it worth it Joe: dead inspirational Ronnie: try your other sister Joe: i'm sure she'd have even more helpful advice Ronnie: take it then Ronnie: ill kill you before i give you a reason to live Joe: you know i ain't fucking looking for one Ronnie: yeah Joe: you need anything Ronnie: i didnt tell you were to get fuck all out of it Joe: apart from a lift Ronnie: what do you reckon Joe: kk Ronnie: 💘 Joe: still not healed Joe: also looks like jobn now Ronnie: anything to make you feel special baby Joe: what I reckon Ronnie: i didnt reckon ocd made you that delusional Ronnie: but when you change it to say jobs youll blend right in Joe: not quite as fitting as when johnny did it Ronnie: whats your girlfriends name Joe: i'll find one to make it fit Joe: josie or jody maybe Ronnie: 💔 no decent gear has a girls name Joe: girls like to party not nod out Joe: gutted Ronnie: ive got a lads name i get why youre confused Joe: you didn't wanna change it Ronnie: you offering up the cash Joe: bit of a waste Joe: just for the paperwork Ronnie: yeah it is Joe: you dunno what to pick Ronnie: swear words aint allowed Joe: don't matter if you're just doing it, telling new people it's your name like Ronnie: not an underage tranny Joe: right Ronnie: bit fucking late now Joe: youre attached Ronnie: i dont care Joe: yeah Ronnie: not what i hate her for Joe: it's a lesser sin Joe: and not the worst name Ronnie: if thats your way of trying to namedrop the others, dont Joe: why would I Ronnie: i dont know you cant really answer why youd do fuck all Joe: i don't need to ask if you want to know them Ronnie: like their names are gonna tell me who they are Joe: like you care Ronnie: like thats ever stopped you Joe: I can't un-find you Joe: but I'm not going to force you to meet any of them or know any more than what's been said Ronnie: no fixed address remember Ronnie: cant make it much fucking easier for you Joe: no, you can't Ronnie: stop crying then Ronnie: you can do better than a car crash Joe: do better Ronnie: yeah like washing up on the beach Ronnie: keep every cunt guessing how you died Joe: see how many beaches I can end up on Ronnie: dead romantic Joe: you can have fun with the hacksaw anyway Joe: least I could do Ronnie: you dont owe me Joe: i do Ronnie: for what Joe: for finding you when you didn't want finding Ronnie: you got the wrong bastard Ronnie: loads of others would be made up Joe: would they? Joe: regardless, I did it for me Ronnie: fuck off trying to take selfish off me Joe: 😏 Ronnie: been a few days since ive used a phone as a weapon Ronnie: keep on if you want it chucked at you Joe: you've promised better than that Ronnie: course you cant last through the foreplay Joe: alright, romantic Ronnie: you fucking wish soft lad Joe: you wish i wished Ronnie: i fucking dont Joe: alright Ronnie: keep the 🕯🌹 for your girlfriend like Ronnie: fuck all i can do with soft Joe: lighters and poppies suit me better as well Ronnie: next tattoos then Ronnie: dont know if itll look like a poppy but fuck it Ronnie: ill cut it out if you dont like it Joe: even if we avoid the sleeve, still a lot of skin to ruin Joe: are you just going over now Ronnie: waste of a question Ronnie: theres fuck all you can do Joe: what, my scribbles weren't a masterpiece compared to your boyfriends Ronnie: told you get what you pay for mckenna Ronnie: & that i dont get hard for mozart & the like Joe: weren't gonna score a symphony on you but alright Joe: no touching Ronnie: 💔 Ronnie: you & your baby habit dont score Joe: just pays Ronnie: dead comforting when i get robbed & left in a kent ditch Joe: it'll be the nicest ditch you've ever been in Ronnie: squatters rights Joe: my bed ain't comfy enough Ronnie: its the fact that its yours making me wanna hang myself with a sheet Ronnie: should say its too soft like you though shouldnt i Ronnie: gutted i fucked that up like Ronnie: we were playing so nice Joe: yeah, goldilocks suits Ronnie: unless your hair has fallen out Joe: I've not pulled it out either Joe: or soph, like Ronnie: not enough like a mane for her Joe: 💔 Joe: if only she'd have known me a few years ago Ronnie: get the family album out shell be made up Joe: shed a tear over our lack of horse Joe: sympathy fuck is better than none yeah Ronnie: the lack of me will really get her going Ronnie: had the pity eye fuck soon as i showed up Joe: she's an empath, babe, why she's so good at art Joe: lack of you might be an issue for me though Ronnie: another word for nosy cunt Joe: undoubtedly Joe: if i could sum up what was wrong with me for her I would Joe: but guess she likes the guessing Ronnie: if she was scouse shed just fucking come out with it Joe: gobshites, yeah Ronnie: what you get for having girlfriends who aint even wool Ronnie: self hatred making you go posh about it Joe: my last actual girlfriend was Ronnie: & youre claiming her Joe: not still writing songs about her Joe: well, never was Ronnie: shell still be 💔 Joe: nah Ronnie: you keep her waiting this long or am i that special Joe: you don't even know how far you've gone from london Joe: you're nearly 2 hours away Ronnie: if youre sticking to the speed limit Ronnie: stop being a pussy Joe: meet me and the car in the next ditch over Ronnie: more hand holding for fucks sake Joe: more than that if you want that lift Joe: have to drag the car out and hotwire it Joe: scrape me off the windshield Ronnie: i told you to stop getting me & what im into Joe: maybe i'm trying really hard Ronnie: far as hurting yourself goes thats the shittest way to have a go Joe: 💔 too weak Ronnie: keep your limp wrists on the steering wheel Ronnie: i wanna get out of here Joe: 😏 Joe: in a bit then Joe: got speeding to do and if you won't shut up Ronnie: youd have to try harder to make me Ronnie: that aint fucking likely Joe: only have to ask Joe: not nice or nothing Ronnie: i dont ask for handouts theyre given to me on account of all those mental problems ive got Joe: wouldn't it be nice to be the one doing the charity work for once Ronnie: if thats the only high youre offering me turn the fuck around Joe: not that daft Ronnie: your ma tell you that Joe: loads Ronnie: her judgements for shit not getting rid of us both with a hanger Joe: agreed Ronnie: dont put a kid in her shed only keep that one too Joe: still raising the last one Ronnie: like thatd stop her Ronnie: no fucking time wasted Joe: she did stop Joe: hence the 9 year gap oopsie baby Ronnie: reckon shed know what causes it by then Joe: Ireland got to her I guess Ronnie: dead keen for my invite now Joe: put it across as a valid form of contraception Joe: chlamydia Joe: they'd go for it Ronnie: worked for me Joe: postergirl Ronnie: 💔 there was no need to sew myself up Ronnie: be more fun than whichever fuck gave me it Joe: god willing Ronnie: your catholic one would be dead willing Joe: you're thinking of the wrong over-zealous christian country Ronnie: not on the right drugs for that kind of bullshit thinking Joe: 🍄 Joe: look out for cowshit whilst you're waiting Ronnie: that determined for me to see the sights yeah Joe: can't waste such an opportunity Ronnie: 🖕 watch me Joe: kent only comes calling so many times, like Joe: your choice Ronnie: shell be taking you every time uni gives you time off Joe: i'm good for it Ronnie: its well cute that you reckon youve got any say Ronnie: possessive type i heard Joe: 😏 Ronnie: she changed the 🔒 on your room yet Joe: keep you in or out? Ronnie: reckon it ended at the pity eye fuck for me & her Joe: 💔 Ronnie: yeah Joe: i'll talk her 'round for you Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: i dont need you to translate for me Ronnie: we got the money your carer role is over Joe: it's all in the eyes, I heard you Joe: not patronizing on your deep relationship Ronnie: shut up Joe: 🤐 Ronnie: & drive faster Joe: 👌 Ronnie: fucking hell i can see why shes fucking obsessed with you Joe: if you want chat Joe: definitely in the wrong place Joe: she don't need to know my ears aren't listening to hers Ronnie: she already knows you do what youre told without talking back Ronnie: like a battered wife Joe: anything for an easy 💀 Ronnie: youre coming to the right place for that Ronnie: but i wont tell her Joe: it's not a reportable crime Ronnie: im not a snitch & i can wear shades if she tries to eye fuck her way to finding fuck all out Joe: dunno if that's enough of a disguise but I don't care Joe: a habit, she could say something about that Joe: but the rest Ronnie: what rest Ronnie: you only want a habit Joe: speak for yourself Ronnie: im echoing you Ronnie: you fucking said it Joe: you know it's not true though Ronnie: youre full of shit yeah Joe: yeah Joe: you too if you wanna pretend about it Ronnie: i dont play pretend im not a fucking kid Joe: good Joe: then you know what's happening here Ronnie: [a picture or video of whatever is happening where she is, lord knows] Joe: you don't have to reciprocate, dickhead Joe: no need to try and make me crash Ronnie: thought youd grown a set of balls & had em drop while ive been here Ronnie: what it sounded like Joe: how olds the other one Joe: he looks younger than me Ronnie: didnt do a survey Joe: I mean your mate, I don't know his name Joe: not Charlie Ronnie: 17 Joe: he must've been a baby when you met, like Ronnie: whats your point Joe: ain't got one Joe: just wondering Ronnie: youre not his type Joe: he's not mine Ronnie: stop wondering then Joe: why? Ronnie: hes fuck all to do with you Ronnie: your mam didnt push him out Joe: not trying to get to know him over you Ronnie: then why do you care Joe: same age as my brother Joe: and the girl my parents took in, one of Joe: that's it Ronnie: here we fucking go Ronnie: you said you werent gonna do that Joe: you kept asking Ronnie: cause i dont want you fucking nonce my brother Ronnie: give a fuck about yours Joe: 'cos you think I would, alright Joe: don't be stupid Ronnie: i dont know what youd do Ronnie: dont fucking know you Joe: well I'm straight and entirely uninterested Ronnie: youre also full of shit Joe: why do you give a fuck Joe: I'm only a year older, if I wanted to, I would Ronnie: why do i give a fuck that you lied to me or about him Ronnie: go ed & wonder about it Joe: it weren't a lie Joe: shit changes Ronnie: i dont wanna hear about them that aint gonna change Joe: fine Ronnie: fuck you Joe: also fine Joe: sorry, alright Joe: it means fuck all Ronnie: its not fine Ronnie: & it means im gonna be running comparisons in my head Joe: just forget about it Joe: of course they're all around my age ish, it don't mean you know any more about them Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: it don't matter Ronnie: cause you get to tell me what matters too yeah Joe: come on Ronnie: you dont or what to fucking do either Joe: then what Joe: I said it, I said sorry Joe: you do what you must Ronnie: go home & give horse girl your sorry Joe: fuck that Joe: you still need to get back to London and I'm nearly there Ronnie: i got here i can leave here Joe: bullshit Ronnie: you wish Joe: well I'm still coming Ronnie: i dont care Ronnie: youve been going on about how big it is Ronnie: stay the fuck away from me Joe: Jesus fucking christ don't be such a pussy Ronnie: you fucking wish Joe: whatever Joe: this is going nowhere right now Joe: you know where to find me when you wanna actually do something about it Ronnie: your half arsed self destruction is going nowhere Ronnie: do something about that your fucking self instead of trying to bait me Joe: I'm still on my way Ronnie: kents full of real pussys you can save Ronnie: youll 💘 it Joe: I don't give a fuck, Ronnie Ronnie: why are you crying Ronnie: you fucked me over Joe: because this is a waste of time Ronnie: youre a junkie now get used to it Joe: at least I've got that Ronnie: youre welcome baby Joe: good luck finding decent shit in kent Ronnie: not going with you dont mean im staying here Joe: but I've got mine already Ronnie: you can have selfish Joe: I told you I was bringing more for you Joe: if you can get over it you can have your share Ronnie: ill take it over it not Ronnie: *or Ronnie: you cant fucking stop me Joe: say you want me to come then Joe: i know where you are, not the other way 'round Ronnie: youre the liar mckenna Ronnie: i dont want you to be anywhere Joe: then why should I come and share Joe: that's a question Ronnie: you love heroics Joe: [show up at this point] Ronnie: [what a fun little reunion that'll be] Joe: [so, we know the vibes but also do we wanna pitch it out] Ronnie: [we totally can for our own amusement/in case a moment or something happens again] Joe: [so obviously he gets there and she's gonna be fuming hens, yeah?] Ronnie: [she gonna fight him lol enjoy that random peeps] Ronnie: [but that works cos like if someone takes that seriously instead of realising we just flirting with each other then they gotta go] Joe: [go away for some alone time to take your drugs somewhere, we voting beach] Ronnie: [yeah because realistically nobody will be there at this o clock unless they are likewise up for shady shit so it works for them as well as being romantic for us because has she been to the beach before probably not] Joe: [so unintentionallly wholesome] Ronnie: [try not to freak out immediately about that this time lads] Joe: [or OD again] Ronnie: [or freeze to death because when are you ever dressed for the weather gal] Joe: [have to stay close purely for warmth whoops] Ronnie: [can't pretend you're angry enough to be at the other end of the beach its not that deep] Joe: [shame it'll be too late to get fish n chips or something beach related but you can skim stones] Ronnie: [I wonder if there's anywhere you could break into because always a mood] Joe: [on a lot of seafronts they have those shelter moments that are boarded up you know what I mean] Ronnie: [yeah that was what I had in mind] Joe: [was that tracy beaker when jess and that girl were snuggled in there and tracy thought it was a lad lollol] Ronnie: [I loved that bit] Joe: [soz i've forgotten your name but that whole character and vibe was a mood, buzzing for the show/movie whatever they're doing] Ronnie: [a child Tess mood 100%] Joe: [fosho fosho, you're gonna have to sleep on this beach/his car 'cos not letting you drive in that state for that long yet tah] Ronnie: [we all know you're gonna be snuggling and I'm here for it, maybe you can get fish and chips in the am/when you wake up] Joe: [for breakfast lol, get all the sugary snacks as well like candy floss doughnuts, casual binge here like neither of you clearly eats much day to day] Ronnie: [healthwise you've both got bigger problems so we can allow it] Joe: [sugar high, living for unintentional wholesomeness lol] Ronnie: [love the childlike vibe always] Joe: [when I go the hunstanton with the gals, which is like, scummy seaside vibes you know, there's always rides there, but also there was like a tattoo hut where you could get actual tattoos for like a fiver and it looks so dubious lol] Ronnie: [omg that is amazing and we must] Joe: [you could get piercings too which might have him do just to mess with it] Ronnie: [we know she already has so likewise not gonna resist getting another, the more extra the better though placement wise cos we do love to shock joseph with our endeavours] Ronnie: [whack a tit out casually or whatever like] Joe: [lmao, dreading these infections hens] Ronnie: [I went to margate and all I got was this lousy tat and a persistent infection, put that on a t-shirt] Joe: [shame they only do flashes gals] Ronnie: [get some DIYing happening lads, we know that kind of thing is flirting for you] Joe: [the tension at this point like you've actually shown loads of restraint even though the opposite seems true lol] Ronnie: [lowkey not what anyone would expect of you which is why I like it] Joe: [mhmm not actually all doom and gloom even if we say and pretend it or what would be the point] Ronnie: [they'd actually be having such a lovely time and when was the last time either of them did, I'm fine about it yep] Joe: [truly, it ain't just about the drugs or any of the 'fucked up ness' from the off and that's the tea no one else be seeing] Ronnie: [mhmm and it wouldn't last how it does if it was] Joe: [connection huns] Ronnie: [the TENSION on this car journey back like don't crash tbh] Joe: [at least you can play really loud music and pretend that's distraction enough] Ronnie: [and play with your new injuries] Ronnie: [lowkey bonding even more about your love of music though we see you] Joe: [mhmm, when it's not all classical obvs 'cos you aren't Rosaline] Ronnie: [probably drop her at Charlie's hun cos otherwise something is gonna happen] Joe: [hope you brought him some rock but i know you did not lol, go make friends again, you go think 'bout your life joseph] Ronnie: [probably stole him a postcard that you've written some bants on to slide under his door] Joe: [that's cute, hilarious over-sexual postcard as they always are] Ronnie: [yeah exactly and then he knows you're back so you can talk or whatever you're gonna do to clear the air] Joe: [that's this era in general we know the vibe]

[grapdestlygco1980-blog]

You pathetic for believing that animals "need" to eat meat. I don give a fuck about the kind of teeth we have. Humans have evolved, we don need meat. Tonight was a "good" night because my net carbs were so low but typically I'm eating 20 25 a day. Tonight I ate: an arugula, broccolini, avocado, and bacon salad. And a couple of hours later I ate baked salmon. ETA Minorities make up a majority of abortions because they discriminated against thus have less money and time to offer their children. Having children when you can financially take care of them or want them fucks with them for the rest of their lives. Its better to give them a merciful death before they even know what pain and life are then force an entire family to go through hell.. Girls often stop by and ask why they can't be as skinny as their friends, even though they are at a normal weight for their frame and height. N n n nDolgoff has even had normal weight girls brought into her office by their mothers, who demand that their "fat " daughters need to lose weight. One case that shocked her involved a size 0 mother and her skinny, hourglass shaped daughter. "We usually have an idea in our head for what sound we'd like to produce. When I sit down at the piano and strike the keys for example, I know what music I want it to make. But when we're practicing, we often get it wrong," Schneider says. (Privacy Policy)Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. But sleep is unlike most activities in life. While trying harder is often the surest path to success in business, sports or other 경주출장샵 waking 경주출장샵 activities, it is the surest path to failure when you want to sleep. Attempting to force yourself to sleep simply won't work. To some, tiny could be 6"x6" and to others 2 might be considered small. You can diagram or describe your lights by position and direction more so than whether they are on placed on a shelf or tripod.All I can say about closeness is closer gives a softer transition to shadow but the fall off to shadow and deeper shadow is also quicker. Maybe with more adjustable light stands and her patiently starting straight ahead, you would have been able to make slight alterations to the lighting to further adjust for shadows, highlights and the quality you were looking for.DMT (geraucht) war absolutes Gehirnfeuerwerk, Optics sind so extrem dass praktisch nichts mehr wirklich identifizierbar ist und sehr geometrisch, neue farben Formen und Dimensionen mit eingeschlossen, erzeugt seine eigene Realitt, ich war krperlos. I might have met Christopher Walken while working at a fast food restaurant. This guy walks in that looks really familiar. I thought that maybe he came in a few days ago or something and that why he looked familiar. From what I understand, the new VAT declaration fees will apply to all goods received from non EU countries. The vast majority come from China. The good news is that parcels marked as gifts and under 500kr are exempt from these new rules, so shouldn have the added fees on top.

[abortionmonologues]

Abortion Monologue #3 - I Took a Pregnancy Test as a Joke. It Laughed Back.

I found out I was pregnant on a Saturday afternoon while I was cleaning my apartment. I found an old pregnancy test under the bed and laughed to myself and set it aside while I continued sweeping. An hour later, I felt the urge to pee and thought it would be funny to do the pregnancy test. I set it on the side of the bathtub and scrolled through Twitter while I sat on the toilet. I glanced at it. Two lines, as expected.

Wait, what?

Two lines means pregnant, right? Okay, not what I was expecting. I knew work had been crazy and I had missed a couple pills but the pregnancy test was old. Probably a false positive. Obviously. But I knew false positives were rare. I sent a photo of the test to my friend.

Her response: the fuck? Do it again.

So I did. I went to the pharmacy and bought three more tests. One expensive, brand name one and two cheaper ones. Came home and did all three. So now I had four positive tests. Double lines and plus signs everywhere. My immediate thought was how do I get rid of it. My next thought was, should I tell the father?

The father and I had a huge fight just two nights before. We argued on the phone and I got so upset that I threw my phone at the wall and the screen shattered. I had blocked him. And I meant it that time. He was blocked forever. But now I had to unblock him.

But not yet. First, I told another friend and asked her if she knew where I could get an abortion. She gave me the details for a gynaecologist who had done the procedure for a friend of a friend. I called the number. The office was closed on Saturdays.

I sighed and unblocked the father. I told him about the tests, that it was his and that I was looking into getting an abortion. He was surprised, said he supported my decision and offered to pay for it. He asked about my mental wellbeing and we talked for a bit.

I began searching online. Frantic googling. I found a website that sent abortion pills to women in countries where abortions are illegal. I was skeptical, but all my research checked out. It really seemed legit. The site sends the pills to you for a donation. You give whatever you can, even if that’s $0. I signed up and spent the $0, just in case my trip to the doctor didn’t work out.

The following Monday, I called and scheduled an appointment with the doctor. I was wondering how to bring it up to her, seeing as it’s illegal and all. I felt like I was buying drugs, having to be covert and overt at the same time. When she asked what brings me here today, I told her that I’m pregnant. She clapped her hands. “Congratulations!” I chuckled nervously and didn’t respond.

I did another test. The fifth one. Positive again.

Her: Okay, we’ve confirmed that you’re pregnant. Will we be looking into prenatal care? Me: Not exactly… I wanted to know what my options are. It’s not a good time for me to have a child. I don’t even really want to be a mother. Her: I see. What does the father think? Me: He feels the same. Her: I understand. Before we can talk about your options, let’s see what’s going on down there.

She told me to get in the other room and undress from the waist down to do an ultrasound. I never imagined that I would be doing one of those. I couldn’t see much on the screen. It just looked like blobs. Or a Rorschach test. She told me I was at seven weeks. I put my clothes back on and we went back to the other room to talk.

She told me that since I wasn’t very far along, I could do a surgical abortion. She said that I had a few weeks to think about it, but try not to pass 13 weeks. I told her I didn’t need any time and asked for the next available appointment. It was the following Wednesday. She told me the procedure would cost $50,000.

I told my boss I would need Wednesday and Thursday off. I was pretty close to her. She was worried and kept asking if I was alright and what I needed the time for. Like, she was perfectly okay with me taking the time but she was concerned that something was wrong. I ended up telling her. She was supportive.

On Wednesday, I wore a dress that I now refer to as “the abortion dress” in my head whenever I wear it. A friend came with me, though we are no longer friends. People drift apart. That’s okay. I saw a girl who looked about 17 in the waiting room. She was there with her mom. I wondered if she was there for the same reason I was.

I got called into a room, but my friend wasn’t allowed to come with me. I removed my underwear, pulled the dress up to my waist and put my feet in the stirrups. The doctor sat in front of me and a nurse was to my side. I was told that my cervix would need to be injected and that it wouldn’t hurt. It did hurt. Next, she inserted the vacuum tube inside me and turned it on. I began crying. It was physically painful and emotionally overwhelming. The nurse hugged me. The whole thing lasted less than a minute, I think. When it was done, I asked if they could call my friend. She held me while I cried.

By this point, I was in excruciating pain. My uterus was contracting. It had expanded to hold the tiny fetus and now it was contracting. It subsided, but there was still a dull cramp. I finally got up and put my underwear back on. Morbidly, I looked in the sink and the trash can to see if I could see I’m not sure what.

It was over and I was glad. In pain, but glad. In all $78,000 was spent. $8000 for the initial visit, $50,000 for the procedure, $8000 for a follow-up visit and $12000 for medication - painkillers and antibiotics.

I found out I was pregnant on a Saturday and by the Wednesday, I wasn’t anymore. Those four days were the longest of my life. I felt like a parasite was inside me. I went about my days as normal while an existential crisis took place in my head. I have never felt anything but gratitude about my procedure. Gratitude because it was safe and accessible and that I had a choice. Gratitude because I had support. Gratitude because I was able to be in control of my destiny.

A week after the procedure, I received a package. It was a book. I opened the book and in between cut out pages was a tiny plastic bag filled with pills.

[ayearofpike]

Whisper of Death

Pocket Books, 1991 180 pages, 13 chapters + epilogue ISBN 0-671-69058-2 LOC: CPB Box no. 1161 vol. 8 OCLC: 24856738 Released December 1, 1991 (per B&N)

At the last moment, Roxanne Wells runs out of the surgery room where she’s scheduled for an abortion. As she and her boyfriend return home, they are unnerved by the fact that their town is apparently completely empty. The only ones remaining share one thing in common — their relationship with Betty Sue McCormick, a troubled girl who killed herself four weeks ago, right around the time Rox got pregnant. And then they find Betty Sue’s stories, and the accidents start, and there is no way for any of them to get away.

At last we arrive at the book that my dear friend and follower @mildhorror​ has been looking for. As she reads along, she's looking for the short stories embedded in the novel that have gruesome and horrific deaths for their protagonists, stories that entice their living subjects into parallel fates. Look no more, my friend: it's in here.

I actually didn't remember this story at all, apart from some bare scaffolding. But Tonya Pines was on to something when she said, in her intro to Thirteen, that the swing toward YA horror was only getting stronger. This one is darker than we've seen from Pike yet, and remember, we're talking about a dude who's already written a vulture spirit girl who tears dudes apart, an immortal lizard necromancer, and a cassette-tape spirit possessing a James Dean-acting murderer. This is full-on unexplainable supernatural fear here, something I can't possibly imagine him being able to get away with if not for the success of his books and those by other authors slowly ramping up the crazy.

The story starts at the end, sort of. Rox is our narrator, writing in the first person, preparing us for the empty universe in which she now sits and how she came to be there. The recollection starts with her boyfriend, Pepper, and their brief but intense courtship in the nowhere desert of Salem, Arizona. You know how these things go, especially if you're in one of these small towns that Pike loves to valorize but still can't quite quantify: boy meets girl, girl likes boy, boy and girl have a roll in the hay (literally, in the barn at Pepper's house), girl gets pregnant while still in high school. She has an unexpectedly adverse reaction to abortion from the beginning, but Pepper doesn't want the kid so she agrees to get one. There's not a place to do it in their town, though — they have to go to a larger town two hours away, to a clinic that's open early on Saturday morning. So Rox goes into the exam room, the doctor sets her up, he gives her a shot. And then he runs out of the room in a hurry.

This is where Rox starts thinking about Betty Sue, who burned herself to death at the edge of town about a month before. The loss of life makes her instantly regret what she's doing, so she climbs up off the exam table, gets dressed, and goes back to the lobby, where Pepper sits alone. She says she's done, she wants to leave, and she wants to drive. They're on the road before she tells him she didn't do it, and that he's not going to change her mind. So he falls asleep and she keeps driving home. They're halfway home when Rox sees a hitchhiker on the side of the road, silhouetted by the sunrise. But when she tries to get a better look, the person is gone. Oh well, no ride for this person, and Rox keeps going and only stops to get gas when they get back to town.

But nobody's in the gas station. This is before the proliferation of debit cards, and maybe even before nationwide insistence on pre-paying for gas. So Rox puts $5 worth into her tank (4.3 gallons, Pike says, which sounds crazy cheap now but is still a vast overestimation of the cost of gas outside California in 1991) and goes to pay but can't find anyone to take her money. There's no one in the booth, no one in the bathroom, no one in the service garage, no one anywhere at all. Weird, but not enough to keep Rox from dropping Pepper at home and then going home herself. Which is just as empty. She expected this, as her dad is a long-haul trucker and is away most of the time, but now she's starting to get freaked out. It's worse when she turns on the radio and only gets fuzz, and the TV does the same thing, no matter how she tunes them. She calls people — Pepper, the 24-hour supermarket, her best friend in Florida — but no one picks up. Pounding on neighbors' doors likewise elicits no response.

Rox is alone.

She's yelling in the town square when she bumps into Pepper again, who's had the same issue of not being able to find anyone. They break into a nearby store to try to use the phone, calling everywhere and everyone they can think of, but there's no response. Before they can totally freak out, the school valedictorian walks in, having wandered downtown looking for anyone at all and heard them yelling at each other. He's been tipped off to their situation because he can't pick up any transmissions on his short-wave radio. Nerds, right? He wants to poke around Salem and look for others, but Pepper wants to get the fuck out of Dodge. So they compromise and decide to rob the bank to get enough money to finance traveling around until they find anyone else.

Only someone's beaten them to the bank, a big mean slacker bully with a couple of guns. He shoots out the door on instinct, hitting Rox in the leg enough to bloody her pants but but not enough to incapacitate her. They all go to the drugstore next door to get Rox a bandage, and while they're working on it the town beauty walks in looking for aspirin. Obviously everyone is freaked out in different ways that they can't find anyone else, so while they're breaking in places the valedictorian suggests the ice cream shop, so they can eat and talk about what's going on. Fat nerds, right? Did I mention he’s fat? Have I talked at all about how Pike body-shames the hell out of anybody who’s heavy? Like, he goes out of his way to describe these loads and how grossed out his characters are at the very thought of an obese person existing in their universe. Maybe I’ve avoided it because it hits me a little too close to home, but it’s rather grotesque how hard these books lay into the fat kids. 

So anyway, as they eat their ice cream (fat nerd digging straight into a gallon tub) they come to a few possible conclusions. First, the world changed right around sunrise, because Rox and Pepper saw people before that and everyone was gone after. Second, there is power and energy, but no other life aside from the five of them, as far as they know: no dogs, no birds, no bugs, nothing. Third, as they can't reach anybody outside and no broadcasts are coming to them, it may be that the world is fine and it's just these high school seniors who've been isolated in a separate dimension. And that's the fourth thing: they're all the same age, live in the same town, attend the same school. And they all (except Rox) had a connection to Betty Sue McCormick.

When the valedictorian brings up her name, everybody else gets freaked out. It's enough for Rox to think that yeah, maybe there is actually something to this seemingly-tenuous connection. She realizes, too, that what she saw of the fleeting vanishing hitchhiker (not much more than flaming red hair and a female shape) might match with Betty Sue. So they go to her house and see if there's anything that might help them out. What they find are Betty Sue's diary and a pile of short stories, neatly stacked on her desk, as though waiting for someone to find them. The diary mentions all of them (again, except Rox) and hints at the various wrongs they'd done to Betty Sue and what punishments and revenge she'd like to seek out for them. The stories are something else entirely: written in simplistic prose and rhyming verse, describing a character who is undone by a tragic accident.

We only get to see the first one — a tale of a lovely young woman, the most beautiful girl at a costume party, who burns to death when she catches fire wishing on a celebratory cake — before the beauty queen freaks out, throws the diary onto an open flame on the gas stove, and rips the stories into pieces to be scattered by the wind. She's more ready than ever to get away, and so she swipes a car and fills it to capacity and beyond with gas. But she's smoking a cigarette, even though nobody had ever seen her smoke before. And the gas won't stop coming from the nozzle, and she drops her cigarette, and the entire gas station goes up in an explosion.

So Rox is curious now. Why did Betty Sue kill herself? How has she managed to isolate and target these kids in particular? Does she really have powers beyond the mundane that can make others do her bidding? Is she even actually dead? The weirdest thing about these questions, though, is that apparently Rox has lived in the same town as most of these other people for her entire life — and remember, it’s a small town in the middle of nowhere — and she doesn’t know them well enough to piece it together. I guess if you don’t care and are unobservant, maybe, but that’s not how I roll, so it’s hard to believe.

The valedictorian does his best to answer Rox’s questions. He knew that the beauty queen was Betty Sue’s childhood friend, and that she wasn’t so good-looking when she was younger and more or less ditched her friend when she got her looks. He himself liked Betty Sue; even though he was a little scared of her he found himself going to see her whenever she wanted, even if he didn’t necessarily want to. From the diary, he learned that the bully had gone out with Betty Sue and that it hadn’t ended well, and also that Pepper was interesting to her but the burned pages didn’t reveal specifics. The most personally concerning anecdote he had, though, regarded Betty Sue’s habit of catching butterflies in glass jars and letting them die. It’s clear that the valedictorian thinks that they’ve been trapped in a jar of their own.

If this is true, they figure, then Betty Sue must still be alive and around to keep an eye on them. They go try to find her, and sure enough the bully starts catching distant glimpses of red hair. He goes after it, guns blazing, and Pepper chases after him. Meanwhile, Rox and the nerd decide to piece together the torn stories. The next one they manage to decipher is about a young man who tries to go over a wall to a place where he doesn’t belong, only he can’t jump off, and as he walks along it the wall gets thinner and thinner, to the point where an unfortunate misstep slices him in half up the middle. Makes sense that if the bully had assaulted Betty Sue, her vengeance would involve killing him junk-first. (As a personal note, this story plus a broken knee may have contributed to my paralyzing fear of slipping and tearing my groin.) And sure enough, when they manage to catch up to him, he’s still firing his gun at shadows and reflections, and when the one in his hand runs out of shells he goes for the one in his belt. And squeezes the trigger before it’s out.

Blowing off his own dick doesn’t kill him, though. Rox has to finish it. She takes the gun and shoots the bully in the head. And then they put together the next story, about a court jester who can’t tell original stories and so the queen makes him stab himself in the heart. So for some reason they let the valedictorian go into the drugstore by himself, where he slits his wrists and bleeds out. I don’t really get this either: she killed him because he was ... boring? Like, abandoning your friend is an offense. Rape is a serious offense. But ... not being amusing? It doesn’t hold. Before he dies, though, he tells Rox that Betty Sue was pregnant when she killed herself, and that she needed someone else to get into her position in order to make herself immortal. So now we’re finally seeing what Rox is doing here at all, if she never knew or wronged Betty Sue that she knew of. But who was it that got her pregnant?

See, the whole time, Rox is trying to figure out exactly what Pepper’s relationship with Betty Sue was before she died. He’s been denying that they had anything, and slowly eases up the way little kids and asshole dudes do when they’re caught, trying to cop to a smaller offense so they don’t have to admit the bigger one. Yeah, they hung out. Yeah, he went out with her a few times. Yeah, they had sex. Yeah, he got her pregnant. Yeah, it was after he had sex with Rox. This last one comes out after they’ve read the final story, about Salt and Pepper seasoning the queen’s food and Pepper ending up on her fork. They’re back in the barn while they talk about this, and in her anger (an anger that has come on more strongly than she’d have ever intended) Rox shoves Pepper out of the loft and into the haystack. Where he lands directly on a pitchfork, tines facing up.

There’s nothing left to do. There’s nothing else. Rox finds herself wandering back to Betty Sue’s bedroom, where she writes down her whole story, even as she’s not sure whether it will ever be read by anybody. 

As she gets to the end, who should appear but the big bad queen herself. She tells Rox that not only was her abortion the catalyst for Betty Sue’s revenge, but that she changed her mind too late about not having it. And suddenly, we’re in the third person, outside the clinic exam room, where Pepper is crying and praying and worrying about Rox. He really does love her, after all, and he’s worried about his selfishness causing her to get hurt. Which, good call, dickbag, because now the doctor is running around all panicky, and when Pepper forces his way back into the room Rox is dead, having hemorrhaged so suddenly and mysteriously that the doctor couldn’t save her.

There’s nothing else for Pepper to do but drive home. On the way, he picks up a red-headed hitchhiker who looks strangely familiar. And thus begins Betty Sue’s story anew.

So that’s Whisper of Death. Interesting and spooky, mostly well-told but some holes that don’t make sense. That’s the way we’re going with most of Pike’s work anyway, and this one is better than some others. It’s another one like Remember Me, where I can talk about the elements here and give a summary, but it doesn’t really do the story justice. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts, and even if this one isn’t quite as good it still fits that mold.

[well-hidden-hot-mess]

another monday

well it’s 6:27am as i’m laying here in bed on a monday morning and just kinda want to get some thoughts out. idk if it’s because i need to work through them or if i need to clarify things or what but just kinda let them out of my head and see what happens. it’s not a rant because i don’t feel angry or anything negative, i just think i need to kinda talk it out. so that’s what i’ll do and hope that it clarifies why i’m feeling such a strong urge to do whatever it is i need to do with these thoughts/feelings so i can move on. it’s weird this feeling i’m having because it’s one i’m not used to. i’m not like venting because i’m mad like i said, i’m not feeling the need to like clear my head or idk, i just can’t explain it. it’s just very weird so hopefully me putting the words on “paper” aka screen will help accomplish my brain with whatever it’s trying to do with these things that keep floating around. 

so the first is about my most recent ex. i mean we only dated for 2 months and were only happy for half of that but i saw an IG story with him and a new girl which based on the matching outfits and body language, i can tell it’s more than a friend. i was really upset about this when i saw it 2 days ago and i don’t know why. i’m not jealous because he’s dating someone else because i don’t want him at all, i just think i’m jealous that he was able to find someone else and i haven’t. honestly i haven’t tried at all so i can’t really complain but it’s like okay here’s this man child with all sorts of issues that i can’t even get myself to go into right now because i don’t want to start my day off mad and he can find someone else so quickly and here i am, in this shitty mental place, alone and even though i know i’m nowhere near in a good head space to attempt dating right now, i still want to have someone and feel that closeness and happiness with someone again. i just think it’s hard because with him, things were so beyond great at first and we skipped the awkward getting to know you phase because we clicked so well so fast that i felt like i had known him forever and to have something so great, such strong happy feelings go from 0 to 100 and then such a short time later come crashing down has just fucked with my brain/emotions a little bit. i finally after so long thought i had found someone that was the one and who made me happy and everything was great only to find out quickly after that we were just so not compatible at all and to be dumped back in that miserable like jail cell of loneliness again just makes it that much harder. now look, is he the right one for me? fuck no not at all. do i want him or want him to be the one? FUCK no. i’m gunna be petty for a second because i just want to and this might be the venting part of it but like i want/need someone who shows me they’re physically attracted to me and compliments me and who i have that sexual connection with (not just during sex but like all the time - like there’s passion there, not just a friendship connection where we have sex sometimes and that’s when it goes right back to friends... idk i’m not explaining it right but i know what i mean). like the fact that i felt like the pervert or the sex fiend for wanting to have sex more than like once a week in the beginning of a relationship (which is when people are normally fucking every chance they get and that fire is as bright as it’ll ever be) just is not going to work for me. like don’t get me wrong, i don’t want a 24/7 fuck fest but like if i’m standing naked in front of my partner after a shower or while getting changed and they’re not like making comments or trying to be sneaky and catch a glimpse at least some of the time, i want there to be some acknowledgement. it makes me feel really insecure like is he not attracted to me? like i’m a naked woman standing in front of you and you’re well aware i’m naked and you’d rather look at soccer jerseys online?? and if this happened like once or twice, fine but it was every single time and i had to initiate sex every single time and he COMPLAINED about me wanting to do it again like 3 days after the last round... look i know not everyone has the same appetite for this kinda thing but like come on... plus when it did happen, it lasted like 5 mins at most sometimes and it was just a tease and would give me lady blue balls and with each “round” i just became more and more sexually frustrated and never got that release. combine that with feeling insecure about my body and him never showing any interest in being physical or me like that in general, it’s gunna fuck a girl up. and it’s not like i’m looking for crazy acrobatic sex acts, i would just like to be able to like fuck, not make love but fuck, without 5 mins in, him having to finish because he feels like he’s going to have a heart attack at the age of 32. like what? i know i was spoiled with THE ex who would fuck the living daylights out of me every chance he got and was the best i’ve ever had by far (the crazier they are in the brain, the better they are in bed what can i say) but like going from that to a guy who showed like zero interest in doing it at all and said it wasn’t something he thought about or wanted that often... idk somethings wrong there because i should not be made feel like a nympho for wanting sex more than once a week. now was sex the only issue? no lol the list goes on and on and honestly, we just weren’t meant to be and i’m honestly fine with that. i’m not jealous that she’s with him or whatever, i’m jealous that he has someone and i don’t. that’s the bottom line of it. like i didn’t want to like text him when i saw it or like reminisce on the good times so it’s not about him as a person at all, it’s about how single i am and how badly i want to find my person and be happy with them even though the logical side of my brain knows that now is not the time. if someone happens to fall out of thin air and appear in my life, then yes i’m going to pursue it but i don’t think actively looking is the best idea right now until i figure some things out. 

onto the next thing - i never in a million years thought that i would be talking about this or how much this would effect me but the election/trump. in the days leading up to biden winning when we didn’t know who it was going to be, my anxiety had been at an all time high and i knew it was related to that but i didn’t know why. like yes there’s the general he’s a waste of life and a piece of human garbage and having such a mentally fucked up person in charge has already fucked over so many people (the people he put in cages and separated from their families, trying to make abortions illegal again, the inciting of race issues/future wars and just pitting groups against each other and inciting violence, being such a terrible role model in how racist/problematic/rape-y/etc he is, the list goes on and on) but like i could tell it was something more. then out of nowhere a memory that i had suppressed for a few years until now just popped back into my head. it was on my birthday like 3/4 years ago where dani and i were walking home after having like a perfect night and had the perfect buzz going and life was great. until some random guy came up to us on the 3 block walk back to her apartment and i could tell something bad was going to happen but i figured it’d be the usual creepy comments and that would be the end of it. but no he came up and probably said some creepy stuff (not sure, that part of the memory didn’t come back) and then did what trump said he did all the time to women he wanted to have sex with aka “grab them by the pussy” and then as dani and i were running away, he said something along the lines of “what, i just wanted to grab the pussy” or something along those lines, again my memory is a little hazy since now i was just traumatized. but i know for a fact he referenced it in the midst of all of this. if dumbass trump didn’t put that out there and say it’s “okay” to do and not a big deal and just what he does, who knows if this guy would’ve done that at all or said that or some combo of that if he wasn’t influenced by him. maybe all he needed was the “okay” to act on his urges and trump and his comments gave him that so he was like well if the president says he does it and it’s no big deal, then i can do it and that’s how you treat women. so i think that’s why my subconscious was making my anxiety go into a tailspin and into overdrive. so that was an interesting connection that i made and it kinda just put that anxiety into focus and i felt a relief having a “reason” for it because this anxiety made my chest feel tighter than it ever has and like i could only do shallow breaths and even during yoga and meditation/hypnosis i couldn’t get my body to unclench. once biden was announced, i let out an audible sigh of relief and i felt a physical weight lift off my body and it felt so good. but then i realized that it wasn’t fully gone and there was still some left over and that was kind of a bummer but i’m going to focus on the good and that i’m not as “bad” as i was. so yeah, that was an emotional roller coaster ride that i’m not sure i’m fully off of yet but i’m happy it happened because it’s showing that i’m not just numbing my feelings and actually feeling them and not numbing bad feelings or events like this one and actually working through them, which is a huge step forward for me. 

okay i have more to say but it’s almost 8am and i need to start my day. i would say maybe i’ll be back later but we all know that’s not going to happen so see ya when i see ya. 

[ayearofpike]

Final Friends, Book 3: The Graduation

Pocket Books, 1989 238 pages, 25 chapters + epilogue, 10-page introduction ISBN 0-671-73680-9 LOC: CPB Box no. 1779 vol. 23 OCLC: 670303406 Released December 10, 1988 (per B&N)

When we last left our friends, they were all going their separate ways in the wake of the tragic accident that paralyzed the homecoming queen. Now, six months later, they’re brought back together for Tabb High’s graduation ceremony, and the after-party cruise to Catalina. It creates a deadline by which the kids need to find Alice’s killer before they’re apart for good. This last party is the end of all possibility – an end made more pressing by someone’s goal to make sure the ship never reaches the island.

I think I was more confused by this than was actually warranted when I read it at 13 or whatever I was, because the very idea of familial death, the anxiety and personal blame that someone might go through in the wake of it, and treatment by electroshock and its effects were just not something I could relate to or even try to empathize with. Because – 

Well, let’s just tell the damn story in reverse: it was Polly. She accidentally distracted Alice into falling off a ladder at the party, and the blow to the head killed her. But Polly had shocked herself trying to change a light bulb earlier, and presumably the shock manifested some of the guilt over the death of her parents that her previous ECT had helped her suppress. Yes, Polly was in the car that went off the cliff, and was distracting her father right before the accident! So to keep herself from being blamed for Alice’s death (maybe more to herself than to anyone else) she staged a suicide: posed her sister with the gun in her mouth, muffled the gunshot so that it would look real, then went outside and fired a shotgun blast near the bedroom window so the final revelers would hear it and think it was Alice.

What about Maria’s fall from the parade float? That was Polly too. See, she expected Jessica to win homecoming queen, but also subconsciously blamed her for the party happening in the first place and thereby Alice’s death. So she compromised the queen’s platform, expecting Jessica to climb up there, break it, and break herself. Because Maria was so much smaller, it took a second ascension for the boards to finally give. She also stole Sara’s homecoming dance money to keep it safe, because she was worried Sara would do just what she did and leave her purse somewhere and lose it. Oh, and she chopped down the varsity tree, maybe because Russ wanted to but also because she wanted to punish Bill and Clair and The Rock and the other pretty people who’d started the fight at the party that preceded Alice’s death.

The thing is, she wasn’t even fully aware she was doing these things. Just before something terrible happened, Polly would see Clark, who would offer hints and threats against her classmates. We slowly learn that she’s been imagining him: his strangeness and his closeness to her pushed him into the role, in her mind, of her angry avenging side, one that she didn’t always have total control over. She tells Michael and Jessica both that Clark is somehow responsible for these things, even though they know on some level that he can’t be. Like, here Polly swears up and down that Clark is on the boat, but a) Michael went to his house right before coming on board and didn’t encounter Clark on the way, and b) Jessica was one of the first three people on the ship, with Polly being another, and she knows that Polly came aboard alone. Plus, there aren’t many places for this weirdo to hide; all the staterooms save three (for the first three girls) are locked, and Michael inspects the whole rest of the ship to no avail.

He starts to suspect that Polly isn’t telling the whole truth (actually, while he’s at Clark’s house), but doesn’t confront her with it until the whole group is gathered below decks in the engine room to try to smoke out the real killer. Maria’s on board with this too. She’s been in a rehab facility since her accident – lots of time to think about Michael’s perspective and realize that if Alice was killed, it was probably the same person who tampered with the float and left her paralyzed from the waist down. So she pretty much uses Nick to scare everyone into showing up for the gathering.

Now, I understood a lot more about how the Final Friends got to this point on this reread, but that doesn’t mean that I necessarily agreed with how it went down. Like, Michael pretty much stern-voiced the mental illness out of Polly. He barked at her about what he suspected had happened and how she was making Clark up in her mind, and that “his” malicious anger at the group was coming from somewhere inside Polly. And, ta-da, she suddenly remembered everything and had clarity. Which, like ... that’s not how it works. I feel like we’re all aware in 2018 that you can’t just decide to not be crazy, to say nothing of whether someone else can do it in seconds. And, sure, the ECT she underwent as a child might have contributed to this mental state in some way, but the procedure typically stems from the fact that mental issues are there in the first place. (See also Carrie Fisher’s defense of her own experience with it.)

It doesn’t really matter, though. Not only does Polly remember doing this stuff, she takes ownership of it and is prepared to follow through. So the bomb “Clark” planted in a locker against the hull? Yeah, literally a bomb! Well, construction explosive from Polly’s company, set to blow at 2 am when everyone was asleep and maximize casualties on the sinking ship. She protects it with the shotgun that “Clark” strategically planted for her to find. So it blows up and the ship starts sinking, but the friends get off the boat and into a lifeboat. But then Polly produces another bomb from her jacket! She’s already gone from blaming the others to blaming herself, and she’s ready to put an end to it. So everyone bails. Except Jessica.

Sure, this is partly because Jessica can’t swim and has a broken arm besides and there are no life vests left. But, realistically, if she’d said so, someone else would have given theirs up. The truth is Jessica knows, somewhere deep down, that she’s the only one who can help Polly right now. Michael’s just yelling and unsympathetic; Jessica’s known Polly her whole life, and she knows Polly didn’t try to kill her parents, and she knows Polly didn’t try to kill Alice. Polly also knows Jessica can’t swim (which was part of the rationale behind “Clark” sinking the ship), but as they talk Polly starts to realize that someone does care about her, and that she’s not beyond help. So at the last second she throws the bomb overboard.

So everybody’s alive! And has a happy ending? Let’s wrap up the loose ends.

Did Michael and Jessica end up together? Yes, finally. But not before Jessica all but gave up on him and tried to seduce Bill, who ran away and called her a slut. Apparently, he did the same thing to Clair at the party, and that plus his defense of The Rock and his attempts to hang with Michael outside of school lead them to draw the conclusion that Bill is gay. I mean, there are more explanations for what happened, and I’m not totally sure Pike did justice to homosexuality in this book, but remember, 1989. We can build more nuance into our understanding because we’re more empathetic to this stuff now.

What about Clair? Did she really have an abortion? She did, in fact. But wait! If she didn’t fuck Bill, whose was it? No surprise, if you were paying attention: it was Bubba, somehow. Yeah, the repulsive little troll managed to weasel his way into her panties, and when trouble arose he took care of it – and pretty much instantly regretted it. So the experience brought him and Clair closer together, and when they get back to the mainland they’re going to drive to Vegas and get married. WHAT. Just one more example in fiction of gross-ass weirdos getting girls way beyond their means.

Did Nick and The Rock ever bury the hatchet? That actually happened in Book 2. Nick realized that The Rock had mistaken him for a dealer in his old hood, took him to meet the dude, then saved his life when The Rock tried to flex and almost got got. The experience taught The Rock to know his role and shut his mouth, otherwise someone might lay the smack down on his roody-poo candy ass.

But Maria’s stuck paralyzed, right? No, actually. She’s been in the rehab facility learning to walk again. But she didn’t tell anybody because her plan was to gather the gang together, stand up and walk across the room, and see who looked most guilty or upset to figure out who’d sabotaged the float. Turned out that she was at least able to get the gun from Polly, but by then her plan was already tits-up. Also: she’s going to marry Nick at the same time Bubba and Clair get married, so she doesn’t get deported! Yay immigration laws!

What about Sara and Russ? They’re working through their bullshit. It seems that even though Sara is totally head over heels for this dude, she can’t ever just say so, and takes it for granted that he wants her too and understands her snark. Which he doesn’t! I mean, he does want her, but when she’s jokingly mean to him he takes it at face value and assumes he’s off her short list. They finally manage to have a conversation about it, but us adults know we can’t magically fix everything by talking once.

Was anybody actually hurt by the bomb? Well, Jessica broke her arm in the explosion, and The Rock was trapped in the engine room but managed to swim out the hole and get to safety. Otherwise, everyone was fine, thanks to (get this) Kats. This wasn’t entirely altruistic, though; he was going to prank everyone into the lifeboats by setting smoke bombs and making them think the ship was going down. Fortunately (?), this happened just before Polly’s big badaboom, so Kats comes out a hero.

Wait a sec – if Sara lost the money in Book 2, how did they pay for all this shit? Gambling! Bubba is a lifelong Lakers fan, and the night of the party is also Game 7 of the NBA finals. He put a bet on the game that would be big enough to cover the student government’s debts for the entire year, including this cruise. Alas, the Lakers lose on a desperation 3-pointer that clangs off the rim. It’s a good thing Bubba bet on the Celtics.

And with that, we’re through Pike’s first multi-book series. Confusing? Convoluted? Not really – more like a soap opera where you have to keep track of multiple storylines to get the whole picture. It’s got its problems, but it continues to do that Pike thing of reaching for something more than most teen books gave us at the time, and so I’m going to keep on reading.

[canyousevmyheavydirtysoul]

The Hot Chocolate Incident. (Josh Dun x Reader)

Warning: Sexual themes (light/no smut).

Note: This was co-written by my best friend. It’s also based on a real-life event that happened to us - that is now known by my friend group as ‘The Hot Chocolate Incident’ - where I was (Y/N), she was (Y/B/F), and my crush was Josh. (Y/N)’s POV is in normal font, (Y/B/F)’S POV is in italics. Everything written here actually took place one night a few months ago. Well, everything except the smut. (Sadly.) I hope you enjoy this insider look into the mess that is my life.

“I feel like we’re gonna get there, and I’m gonna be all excited and then he won’t even be there.”

“You don’t know that,” (Y/B/F) said rather unconvincingly, in a high-pitched voice.

“Well, he wasn’t at school today,” I sulked, throwing myself dramatically over the bed. “But then again, when is he ever at school?” I added, annoyed.

“Yeah, well, all he ever cares about is going to the gym,” (Y/B/F) said while changing into her lacrosse gear. She stopped lacing up her shoes and glanced at me. “Not that you mind,” she said suggestively.

“Shut up,” I pulled a face at her, “He is quite passionate about football, so maybe he’ll show up. I should give him the benefit of the doubt.”

“Yeah, you’ll give him something else,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Shut up,” I said, pushing her over. “In what AU will that ever happen? He doesn’t even know who I am.”

“Yes, he does, you’re the best friend of the girl whose mother is friends with his grandmother’s sister,” she nonchalantly pointed out, raising a finger matter-of-factly, “Oh, and there’s the way you stare at him at school.”

“You said that he doesn’t notice!” I gasped.

“Maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t, I don’t know, maaan.”

“Thanks, you really do an amazing job of being my best friend.”

“Oh, I know.”

~

Oh my soul, I hate this fucking team so much! I just wanna go home! Staying with (Y/N) to stare at Josh better be worth it. He better fucking kiss her or some shit.

“Well done, my love,” (Y/N) said, with a hint of sympathy in her voice, handing me my Vitamin Water.

“Thanks,” I grumbled, “Now let’s go find your husband.”

~

“Are you sure you don’t want anything?” (Y/N) asked for the fiftieth time, handing her money to some freshman who gave her a cup of hot chocolate in return.

“No, thanks, I can’t eat straight after a match,” I said turning to survey the field for Josh, since, for some reason, he wasn’t playing.

(Y/N) walked over to me, scalding hot chocolate in hand. “Oh my gosh, he’s not here, he’s not here, I was right!”

“Chill, I’m sure he’s here…somewhere,” I trailed off, turning my head to once again look for Josh. I spotted him sitting on the bench, gazing longingly at the players on the field. “Look,” I poked (Y/N) excitedly, cocking my head in Josh’s direction.

She started squealing like a maniac and squeezing my arm.

“Owww-“

Lil Frankie comes running up behind us, slaps (Y/N)’s ass and runs away giggling, leather jacket flapping in the wind.

“Frankie, go back to your own imagine!” (Y/N) and I shouted in unison.

“Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah…owwwwwww!”

“He’s here!”

“Yeah, I noticed,” I replied sarcastically, rubbing my arm which was now probably bruised.

“But why the fuck is he not playing?!” she whisper-shouted, very angrily.

“Um, look who the coach is.”

“Of fucking course. He already ruined my math mark, why not ruin my love-life too?”

“What love-life?” I scoffed amusedly. (Y/N) glared at me. “I kid, I kid.”

“When are they going to put him onnnnnn?” she whined.

“Well, he’s warming-up now,” I pointed at Josh, who was beginning his warm-up exercises. I extended my arm out towards (Y/N) to squeeze, if need be.

I watched her watch him do various stretches and exercises, wincing occasionally, when she squeezed my arm too tightly. She was still absentmindedly drinking her hot chocolate, her mind undoubtedly racing with not-so-innocent thoughts of Josh.

I decided to actually pay attention to the game being played but luckily, I looked at (Y/N) for a split second because…

~

“(Y/N)!”

“What?” I asked, dazed.

(Y/B/F) had a shocked/amused expression while gesturing towards my chest in disbelief.

I looked down confusedly, seeing brown liquid, but not yet registering what was happening until I felt a burning sensation on my chest. “Oh shit.”

(Y/B/F) immediately unzipped and took off her sports jacket, covering me up with it.

“He didn’t see that, did he?”

~

Great, just fucking great. I managed to spill hot chocolate on my t-shirt and make a huge stain. Nice one, (Y/N). I’m supposed to be here watching the love of my life playing football but instead, here I am, in the bathroom, trying to clean myself up. There was no one else in the bathroom, thank goodness, cause most of the people were still watching the game, and (Y/B/F)’s mother pulled up outside the school and she had to stall in order for me to avoid getting interrogated.

I stood in front of the mirror in the boy’s bathroom because the girls’ were reserved for the other school. I wiped and wiped but all I seemed to be doing was making a bigger mess. If I carried on like this, I’d have to take my shirt off.

I heard someone walk in and I hoped to God that it was (Y/B/F). But of course with my luck, it would be some random parent that looks like he wants to kidnap me. I carried on wiping, pretending to not notice the person.

“Uhh, are you supposed to be in here?”

FUCK IT’S JOSH FUCK IT’S JOSH ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION, SOMEBODY KILL ME RIGHT NOW.

“Um, the sign outside said Fort Hayes High didn’t it?” I squeaked.

“It was, uh, meant for the football team,” he half chuckled.

Fuck me his smile could make Darth Vader leave the dark side.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” I said looking down and playing with my hair.

“I’m just gonna go, um, bye.”

And with that I left the bathroom (now wet in two places). Oh my gosh, did I actually just talk to Joshua fucking Dun?! Fuckk, I can’t. I’m gonna die. I’m shaking. **makes inhuman noises** I may or may not die from hyperventilation but that’s okay since HE fucking talked to ME. FOR THE SECOND TIME!!! We’re soulmates. #confirmed. I needed to find (Y/B/F) since she’s my way home and I need to squeeze her arm and probably bruise her because omg Josh, so I went downstairs to the gate, but she wasn’t there.

I walked back to the field hoping to catch a glimpse of Josh playing but that idiotic coach just took him off. There was 1 minute left of the game; there was no way we could lose now.

5 minutes later, we had annihilated the other team by beating them 47-0, and all the football boys were clearing out the bathroom, so I went to continue the saga of cleaning my dirty ass shirt. I decided to walk through the changing area and boy, was that the best decision I ever made…

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry.” I gasped, turning away.

“Uhh, umm,” was all Josh could say, wearing only his boxers as he was trying to cover up his Greek God-like body.

“I thought all the guys were gone,” I cringed, now shielding my eyes.

He could see how flustered I was and he was, laughing? How the hell could he be laughing right now?

“It’s okay, I don’t mind you looking,” he said, suddenly confident and walking closer to me.

What the actual fuck was going on? He kept on coming closer to me, until we were inches apart, his full, almost puffy lips were so close I could taste it. He took my hands away from my eyes and put one on his abs and oh shit they felt amazing. My other hand went south, like very south. I could feel his boner and I was SO NOT disappointed. I looked up at him and I loved what I saw. He was smirking down at me, looking like the devil himself, and boy was I ready to sin. He slowly unzipped my jeans and pulled them down to my ankles. He pushed me back onto the benches that lined the walls of the change room and knelt down in between my legs. He parted his lips and looked at me for validation. All I could do was nod before he grabbed my panties and ripped them so they were basically crotch-less. I had a long night ahead of me, and I was so ready…

~

I sat on (Y/B/F)’s bed, expressionless while I watched her continue her freak out, which consisted mainly of squealing like a baby pig.

“Okay, okay, I get that you’re excited,” I held up my hands in an attempt to calm her down, “but can you chill the fuck out for one minute?”

“How the hell am I supposed to chill out when you hooked up with JOSH FUCKING DUN?!” she gushed, repeatedly slapping me on my arm.

I stared at her blankly for a few seconds, before I, myself, started squealing, causing (Y/B/F) to laugh before joining in.

“YOU JUST GOT JOSH DUN-UHed!”

_______________________________

Thank you for reading x

Note: The last line is a reference to The Judge, where Tyler says ‘Josh Dun-uh’.

[dinglesugden-af]

What I think people hate about this sl Is it offensive women can only give A Bisexual man a child/woman coming between m/m couple/genetics is best and it offensive message going down cliché route of a Bisexual man cheating with a woman and having a baby with her and genetics is best that it be more important than his relationship with Liv etc, and making it seem Aaron never be enough for Robert etc because he can't give him a biological child like a woman Rebecca can Robert/Aaron never have that

I agree with you on most of this 100% but I don't think the issues lie within robron of aaron. The main issues about this are ones that haven't been addressed at all and it's really disgusting. The consent issue is the main one. When a woman is drunk but the man is sober people call it rape. The mains reputation gets ruined. He's on a sex offenders register and he looses everything. Why is it different when it's the other way round? The fact hollyoaks did a story on consent with a drunk woman and a sober man at the time I think it's highly disrespect to not only people who have been in the situation but also Hollyoaks who was tackling such a sensitive subject. Iain saying Rebecca is the victim is also disgusting. "What she's been through"? Seriously that girl has everything a girl could want. Family. Money. A big house. Robert never forced her into an abortion he told her to get one and she did. Robert supposedly forced her but she told Chrissie "it was the right thing to do". Robert never forced her and I'm sorry if noone agrees on that but he didn't. He told her to do something and she did it. Forcing her to have an abortion would be him dragging her to the clinic and force the pill down her throat but he didn't. It's just funny isn't it? How both times Roberts been in love and engaged with someone he cares about (he did love chrissie but then he met Aaron and his standards went higher) she's suddenly got pregnant with his child? Also "Robert got her to the village in hope they'd be together" no. He made it clear from the very start he wanted andy's freedom not anything with her. The second thing is actually the lack of disrespect for LGBT characters. When soaps give them kids it's always through a third party the wrong way. It's either through cheating or someone magically turns up with a kid they didn't know about. There's so many ways emmerdale could have give them a kid but they chose this way. Same sex couples struggle to adopt , finding a surrogate , sperm donation , IVF and yet soaps think the only way they get kids is through cheating? NO. For characters like robron emmerdale should of gone down the adoption route 100%. Two men who have had heartbreaking childhoods , terrible relationships with their dads that have left them mentally scarred for life. Those two could easily choose a child who's gone through the same so they can show the child not every dad is like that. The disrespect of robron fans in general. I mean don't get me wrong emmerdale have produced some good stuff in the past even before robron pairing but since the pairing they've finally started getting the recognition. You've got this fandom full of people from all different countries (never known any other soap fandom to) who dedicate their lives to the show. You've got fans travelling all over to go and meet the cast. The fans spending hours and hours promoting the show and actors on social media. And what do we get in return? A cheap dull boring plot. It might get boring seeing 'happy couples' constantly to Iain but I can guarentee if he gave robron months of happiness and had them on screen a lot he would get 0 complains. It's happiness comedy and weeks like ssw the viewers want. They don't want cheap pregnancy plots woman chasing men and acting the victim and seeing the same people miserable. The DNA situation. Like hell no don't get me started on that one. Well first of all a woman sleeps with two different men and they spend 7 months not even having any character bring up a dna test. Their dropping hints - yes. They've basically give it away the baby isn't his but seriously the whole no one asking for a dna test stuff is so annoying. The characters who have been involved and had their say on this baby are all ones who have been involved in a DNA storyline. The pregnancy facts are just as bad. The biggest issue though is Iain and Emily. Condoning Rebecca's actions , labelling her a victim. saying she's been 'trampled on' and 'I feel sorry for her' or Emily saying 'if it was a man it would be different' no it wouldn't. 13 months into this show and it's the same shit over and over again. Some of the things those two have said regarding rebecca actually disgust me and people wonder why Emily gets hate. Besides the fact she's a fucking shit actress working alongside good ones. I don't care who says 'Emily doesn't deserve all the hate'. This is the woman who claimed we called Rebecca a slapper for sleeping with one person because she's a woman. This is the woman who claimed rebecca is character who'll steal your man but you'll still like her. This is the woman. This is a woman who claimed we have different views when it comes to men and woman drinking. If certain people read her interviews they'd actually realise she's just as disrespectful as Iain and I hope to fuck she ain't signed another contract. She best be gone by January I mean going by the focus right now and stuff that's about to happen I can guarentee robron will be celebrating their one year anniversary in February without worrying rebecca will pop up. But apart from that this storyline is shit. Emily is shit. Iain is a cunt. And I feel for Danny and Ryan who have worked so hard the last three years on this pairing and have had it all stripped away by a plot that's been used so many times.

[rhclland-blog]

━━━ is that RHYS HOLLAND ? i think i saw the TWENTY FOUR year old MALE WAITER in the town square earlier. the HERMAN TØMMERAAS lookalike, could be described as AMBITIOUS, but also be considered RESENTFUL. i heard someone in town say he was the town’s BLACK SHEEP, but only time can tell if that’s true or not !

!! abortion mention tw, cancer tw, death tw !!

background.

growing up, it was just him and his mum. scarlett carter had gotten pregnant with him at seventeen, and his father (or sperm donor, as rhys liked to refer to him) left her the moment she told him that she was having his child. in addition to being abandoned by the father of her child, scarlett’s parents kicked her out and disowned her as well, leaving her completely destitute.

scarlett had big dreams of moving to a big city and becoming a musician, but suddenly she was penniless and with child. her friends advised her to get an abortion, that she was too young to be saddled with a child, and even though scarlett considered it for a long time, in the end she decided to have the child.

on 2 april 1993, rhys holland (holland had been scarlett’s middle name) was born.

rhys had inherited his mother’s love for music, and their little house was always filled with music. his mother worked several jobs and they lived extremely modestly, but he had a happy childhood.

when he was ten, he told his mother that he was going to be a famous singer one day. scarlett had smoothed back his hair, pressed a kiss against his forehead, and told him that she believed in him. if her smile had been a little wistful, rhys hadn’t noticed.

he was thirteen when scarlett was diagnosed with leukaemia. it had been discovered fairly early, and doctors were optimistic that she would make a full recovery. rhys started working part-time jobs in order to help fund his mother’s treatment, and money was extra tight since he refused to let his mother work. but he managed. some days, he would go hungry, but as long as his mother was taken care of, rhys never complained.

two years on, the cancer recurred. this time, the treatments were no longer working. they exhausted all the options they could afford, and rhys was prepared to drop out of school to work full time in order to be able to pay for more expensive treatments, but scarlett refused to let him throw his life away for her.

rhys couldn’t do anything but watch as the disease slowly took his mother, and at the far too young age of thirty-three, scarlett holland carter passed away.

suddenly, rhys was alone. at sixteen, he was too young to live on his own, and he nearly ended up in the foster care system, but someone (CONNECTION NEEDED) took him in. he stayed with them for two years, and he would forever be grateful to them for giving him a home, but as soon as he turned eighteen, he found his own place and moved out. he’s been living on his own ever since, working long hours as the diner in order to make ends meet.

personality.

he’s always been a little rough around the edges, always been the type to mouth off, the type to use his fists to try and solve problems. but back before his mother got sick, he’d had a softer side as well. he had been a little more naive about the world, had smiled a little more. he’s a lot more closed off now.

he’s a bit of a smartass. sarcasm is his first line of defence, and he’s the type of person who would crack jokes about traumatic experiences (except his mother’s death–– he never talks about that. ever.) just because it’s easier than acknowledging just how deeply his adolescent years have affected him.

he’s an extremely hard worker though. he often takes back-to-back shifts at the diner, and despite the fact that he hates his job, he does it well –– mostly for the tips, to be honest. but still. and when he’s not working, he’s working on his music. he keeps busy, and part of it is because he was raised to try and make the most of his time, but also because if he keeps himself occupied he doesn’t have to deal with his thoughts.

he’s petty as fuck. it is literally impossible for him to walk away from anything, no matter how insignificant. if anyone ever does anything that he perceives as a slight, he’s a hundred percent going to retaliate, even if it’s by doing something as dumb as pouring salt into their coffee the next time they’re at the diner.

very resentful? not towards any particular person (although he does reserve extra resentment for his maternal grandparents and his father), but towards the town in general. his mother had wanted to leave town so badly, but she had stayed behind for him. spent her entire life in a town that turned its back on her, that left a young mother to fend for herself, that only mourned for her once she was gone. the doctors say it was the cancer that took her, but rhys wonders if it was broken dreams that did it.

because of that, he’s even more eager to leave the town. everyone else seems to love golden, and the dozens upon dozens of tourist they get seem to think of the town as something of a paradise, but rhys has only ever felt trapped. he’s not afraid to express how he feels about golden, to talk about how he’s going to leave ‘this shithole’ someday. he’s been saving up for years, and he’s decided that he’s going to leave town before he turns twenty six.

miscellaneous.

he doesn’t drive, since owning a car is a luxury he’s decided he cannot afford. he doesn’t even know how to drive, although he intends to learn someday. currently, he just walks everywhere. sometimes he’ll ride his bike if he wants to save time.

his mother had been something of a musical prodigy – played a ton of instruments, had a wonderful singing voice, etc – and he had inherited her talents. he plays the piano, the guitar, the drums, and the bass. he’s basically a one-man band.

he writes and records his own songs. he taught himself how to mix audio and his apartment doubles as his studio (his soundproofed his entire room for it too). his sound is similar to the likes of troye sivan / years & years / the neighbourhood / etc. best described as alternative/dark synth pop, but occasionally he’ll dabble in different genres.

connections.

LEGAL GUARDIAN ; m or f ; 0/1 –– the person who took him in after his mother passed away. they have to be at least two years older, and can either know him from school, or if your muse is older, they might have known his mother (possibly one of her co-workers).

EXES ; m & f ; 0/2 –– rhys is bisexual, and has dated both guys and girls. one of his exes must be male. his relationships have never been serious, on his end at least. they can be amicable exes, or it may have ended badly.

ROOMMATES ; m or f ; 0/1 –– pretty straightforward. they share an apartment, but they don’t necessarily have to be close friends (although they can be!). rhys is often at work, and when he’s not working he’s just holed up in his room.

CO-WORKERS ; m or f ; 0/? –– they see each other quite a lot, considering how often rhys works. they can have a purely professional relationship, or they could be friends outside of work as well.

[my-insanity-is-irrelevant]

The same to you - all of them 🎃

200: My crush’s name is: Ryan, Eli, Claire, several others I cant name for complicated reasons 

199: I was born in: 1997/a hospital 

198: I am really: Intense weather in my calmness or excitement 

197: My cellphone company is: T-Mobile

196: My eye color is: Light green

195: My shoe size is: 9 1/2 wide (i usually have to do like a 11 for high heals)

194: My ring size is: ??????? probably big I have chubby fingers

193: My height is: 5′ 6″

192: I am allergic to: nothing unless you count idiocy 

191: My 1st car was: A blue 2007 Ford Focus and I LOVED her

190: My 1st job was: A server for Cheddar’s Casual Cafe 

189: Last book you read: How to Ruin Everything by George Watsky 10/10

188: My bed is: A king with lots o’ pillows and blankets and is very comfy

187: My pet: 2 cats, 5 kittens, 6 dogs, 2 snakes, 1 bearded dragon, 1 leopard gecko, 4 turtles, 1 bullfrog tadpole, and bunches of fish

186: My best friend: is a boy i met a month ago because i have intimacy issues

185: My favorite shampoo is: Dead Sea’s Argon oil shampoo is so good to my poor dry curls

184: Xbox or ps3: I use an Xbox to watch Netflix but I don’t play video games

183: Piggy banks are: Cute decorations but go unused

182: In my pockets: $2, some lint, a rubber band, and something weird i took out of my dog’s mouth earlier

181: On my calendar: I have nothing written in it but it has cool pictures of bears

180: Marriage is: Cool because of the financial benefits but other than that unnecessary to prove one’s love. I want a wedding though because I want a pretty dress

179: Spongebob can: Make me hate my life a 3am

178: My mom: Died of breast cancer and smoked a lot of pot

177: The last three songs I bought were? I can’t remember ever paying for music but the last three i listened to are: Cherry Wine by Hozier, Strong As An Oak by Watsky, and San Cristobal by Mal Blum

176: Last YouTube video watched: A slam poem by Neil Hilborn called Liminality

175: How many cousins do you have? I have no clue? At least 10 on each side, but i’m sure there’s way more than that

174: Do you have any siblings? 2 older brothers, 2 older sisters, ans one younger sister 

173: Are your parents divorced? They were never married

172: Are you taller than your mom? Nope! She was like 5′10′

171: Do you play an instrument? I can play hot cross buns on the recorder and thats the best i can do

170: What did you do yesterday? I slept and ate beef jerky[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: No, but i do believe in lust and infatuation at first site. I think  love takes time to grow.

168: Luck: Yes like, as in karma

167: Fate: Catch me in the right mood and i do

166: Yourself: NOOOOOPE

165: Aliens: Yes

164: Heaven: No

163: Hell: Yes, it’s called Texas

162: God: Naaaaah

161: Horoscopes: I think they’re accurate generalizations

160: Soul mates: Yeah but not like the traditional; kind of way, i think we have lots of people we’re meant to be with in various ways

159: Ghosts: Yes and No i go back and forth

158: Gay Marriage: 100%

157: War:0%

156: Orbs: Idk what this is talking about but sure, ill root for them

155: Magic: No, Im a science gal[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs

153: Drunk or High: High, drinking gives me a tummy ache

152: Phone or Online: Online

151: Red heads or Black haired: Red heads

150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes

149: Hot or cold: Cold

148: Summer or winter: Winter

147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn

146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla

145: Night or Day: Night

144: Oranges or Apples: Apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly

142: McDonalds or Burger King: Mcdonald’s

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: White Chocolate is the key to my heart

140: Mac or PC: PC

139: Flip flops or high heels: HIgh heels even though i cant walk in them

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and poor

137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke

136: Hillary or Obama: Obama

135: Burried or cremated: Cremated, the idea of rotting creeps me out

134: Singing or Dancing: Dancing but im bad at both

133: Coach or Chanel: Idgaf

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: ??????

131: Small town or Big city: Big city

130: Wal-Mart or Target: Wal-Mart

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: I hate Adam Sandler

128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure

127: East Coast or West Coast: West Coast

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas all the waaaaaay

125: Chocolate or Flowers: Flowers, preferably potted

124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney i’m scared of roller coasters

123: Yankees or Red Sox: I dont sports[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: Its stupid and bad and i hate violence 

121: George W. Bush: Okay, looook, i dig his paintings, okay???

120: Gay Marriage: gimme that shit i want that shit

119: The presidential election: I could be down for violence against trump

118: Abortion: everyone should have safe access to abortions, they save lives

117: MySpace: I never had one? Does it still exist? I may make one for fun? 

116: Reality TV: i dont ever watch it, i avoid it like the plauge

115: Parents: Mine were grade A shit

114: Back stabbers: What goes around comes around

113: Ebay: I use Amazon

112: Facebook: Its filled with my racist family, i avoid it 

111: Work: I watch my niece and nephew (twins) and i love it

110: My Neighbors: I don’t interact with them ever

109: Gas Prices: why so expensive pls give me break

108: Designer Clothes: catch me in wal-mart clothes i bough 4 years ago

107: College: I want but cant afford halp

106: Sports: no

105: My family: I love them but they fkn annoy the shit out of me with their political views

104: The future: stop.[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: My niece yesterday

102: Last time you ate: I am eating a bowl of mac n’ cheese right now

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: I saw my sister’s in-laws last week and i loooooove them! I made slime with the kids

100: Cried in front of someone: When i found out my ex was cheating on me like two months ago

99: Went to a movie theater: Went on a date with a cute boi like a month ago and w saw Baby Driver it was so good

98: Took a vacation: The only vacation ive ever took in my life was with my ex and his family to Florida last summer

97: Swam in a pool: Less than a week ago

96: Changed a diaper: Yesterday, i change them for a living

95: Got my nails done:last summer

94: Went to a wedding: My oldest sister got married last week!

93: Broke a bone: when i was like 3????

92: Got a peircing: two weeks ago i got my nipples done

91: Broke the law: this morning when i got high

90: Texted: Im texting cute bbs  right now[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: My boi Ryan who is a fkn idiot i love him

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: I already left home and only miss having someone else cook and clean because my roomates are hopeless

87: The last movie I saw: The Last Five Years

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: When i can move far north and start a loving and respectful communist sex cult

85: The thing im not looking forward to: Getting up for work at 5 in the morning

84: People call me: lame

83: The most difficult thing to do is: exist

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: i sure haven’t i’m Safe

81: My zodiac sign is: Libra

80: The first person i talked to today was: Ryan

79: First time you had a crush: i liked a boy named Antonio in second grade

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: no one? 

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Ryan last night when we said a stupid Ricks and Morty quote at the same time

76: Right now I am talking to: my cat Beatrice 

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: probably cry a lot

74: I have/will get a job: working with kids!

73: Tomorrow: I will be very tired

72: Today: I am very tired

71: Next Summer: I will be very hot

70: Next Weekend: Im going to tie ppl up with rope

69: I have these pets: see 187

68: The worst sound in the world: A baby crying because they’re hurt or sad

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my ex inbox me for his url so you can tell him hes a meanie

66: People that make you happy: My nieces and nephews and also my bff

65: Last time I cried: last night because the damn dog was so cute

64: My friends are: amazing and deserve the world

63: My computer is: slow and bad but i still love her

62: My School: was down the road from a prison, which my mom was in years ago

61: My Car: is old and smells like my mom’s cigarettes 

60: I lose all respect for people who: are racist, homophobic, sexist, trans-phobic, Islamophobic, anti-semetic, ect. 

59: The movie I cried at was: the beginning of Guardians of the Galaxy

58: Your hair color is: Auburn

57: TV shows you watch: Game of Thrones, Criminal Minds, Sense 8

56: Favorite web site: tumblr.com

55: Your dream vacation: stargazing in Alaska 

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when i fucked up my siatic nerve in a car wreck in January 

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium-well

52: My room is: cold and messy and covered in kittens

51: My favorite celebrity is: Harry Styles

50: Where would you like to be: on a beach in Iceland with a person playing a ukulele 

49: Do you want children: Only if i have more than one long term partner living with me 

48: Ever been in love: Yes 

47: Who’s your best friend: see 186 its Ryan

46: More guy friends or girl friends: no

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: when my cat comes to me and just lays where shes barely touching me 

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My best friend from high school who committed suicide 

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: no

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no

41: Have you pre-named your children: I want to name my kid Coraline but id also like to do something not defined by a single gender?

40: Last person I got mad at: My sister because she left the dogs inside all day while i was at work even though shes a stay at home mom and so the poor things had accidents and no one was happy

39: I would like to move to: Canada

38: I wish I was a professional: mom[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: white chocolate truffles 

36: Vehicle: vintage beatles 

35: President: Alexander Hamilton

34: State visited: Florida

33: Cellphone provider: ?????

32: Athlete: ?????

31: Actor: Nat Wolf

30: Actress: Maise willams

29: Singer: Radical Face/Hozier

28: Band: Bad Books

27: Clothing store: Wal-mart

26: Grocery store: Joe-V’s Smart Shop

25: TV show: Game of Thrones

24: Movie: Swiss Army Man

23: Website: see 56

22: Animal:  Monitors 

21: Theme park: i dont do theme parks

20: Holiday: Halloween

19: Sport to watch: does Yuri on Ice count?

18: Sport to play: no

17: Magazine: i don’t read magazines but i heard Teen Vogue is doing wonders

16: Book: The Kite Runner

15: Day of the week: Wednesday’s Child is Full of Woe

14: Beach: wherever i was in Florida 

13: Concert attended: Warped Tour 2015 there was a band called Onwards ect. it was so good

12: Thing to cook: homemade flour tortillas 

11: Food: Cheese enchiladas

10: Restaurant: This cute little place named Marianne’s thats down the road from my house she makes the best tamales 

9: Radio station: 94.5 The Buzz

8: Yankee candle scent: Clean Linen 

7: Perfume: i dont

6: Flower: Lilies 

5: Color: pink

4: Talk show host: Steve Harvey

3: Comedian: John Mulaney

2: Dog breed: Pit Bulls

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? 100%