#even hiding the fact that he's trans for Years from the One Person he knows is Also Like Him (dusk). despite having no reason not to

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for saying my family shows favoritism towards my baby cousin?

(This is copied from my Reddit drafts because my partner told me tumblr would be better for this and I trust them)

Okay this is a long one so I’m just gonna throw out fake names for everyone and everyone is white middle class Americans

I, Op, 20M, I’m a trans man not accepted by my family. This is relevant

Renee, 20F, my twin sister

Bea, 16F, my younger sister

Lee, 35F, my aunt on my father’s side

Lucas, 2M, my cousin, son of Lee

Suzie, 5F, my cousin, daughter of Lee

My father, 44M, the patriarch of our whole family

My mother, 45F

Grandpa, 76M, paternal grandpa, previous patriarch

Grandma, 74F, paternal grandma

So I’m sending this in on Christmas Day of 2023. For some context, I still live at home, but it’s more of a roommate situation now that I’m an adult. Renee lives on her out-of-state college campus but visits for holidays, and Bea is still a high schooler. Lee, her children, and her husband who isn’t relevant to this (I love my uncle, we just literally never talk) live across the country. My father is losing the battle with cancer and can’t travel, so we had two separate christmases this year, one with my immediate family and one with Lee. Grandma and Grandpa went to Lee’s, which was awesome for me because that meant I got to avoid them this year!

As the character list above states, I’m (one of) the oldest of the five grandkids with my cousins being born a lot later than me and my sisters. My family is a traditional WASP family and staunchly conservative with Aunt Lee actively being a cop right now while my parents and Grandpa served in the military. Growing up undeniably queer was hilarious, I know. But the family dynamic wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, my family did a good job of trying to hide the fact that Renee was the favorite child lol, but that was more on the basis of her having the same traditional values that they do until Aunt Lee had Suzie, then she obviously became the favorite. Fine by me, she’s an adorable girl and I love spoiling her. Also, ACAB does apply for Aunt Lee for being complacent in this system, it’s not just the most relevant part of the story besides explaining how she fits into the family dynamic

But then Lee had Lucas a few years later and the focus in the family shifted to him. At first, it was baby fever making everyone dote over him (and I’m guilty of this too) but after a while, I realized that the fever hasn’t died down. If we had family reunions, everyone would flock to Lucas and I would be the one watching Suzie. For a toddler, she’s a great conversationalist, but it was still sad to see all her aunts and uncles and cousins showering her baby brother with attention and not her. And then the comments started. That my father would only refer to Lucas as “my nephew” even when talking directly to Lee (unhinged to witness in person). That Grandpa was so happy to finally have a grandson (felt great). The lady-killer comments and guessing what profession he’s gonna go into based on how chubby of a baby he is (the money’s on Linebacker, little dude is built like a truck). Stuff like that

None of these comments were ever made about Suzie when she was born, and I really don’t want to admit that it’s because Lucas is a boy, but thats the only answer I can think of when trying to understand the favoritism. Lucas is showered in gifts and love and while I know newborns need that, Suzie received nowhere near this much attention. Lee’s husband doesn’t go to family functions because he works full time, but I heard Suzie mumble at Thanksgiving last month that she wanted to go home to daddy. It broke my fucking heart, so I called him and she got to FaceTime with my uncle until my phone died

At this point, I’m not even upset that the family ignores my obvious trans-ness as I’m over a year on T (paid for by myself too) in favor of my boy cousin. I’m upset that Suzie is getting left out of the fawning while she’s still super young and she could grow up resenting Lucas because of it.

Anyways, so this morning we opened gifts as an immediate family and I got to FaceTime my significant other as they unboxed their gift from me and we were having a good time until my dad FaceTimes Grandpa. Grandpa answers and Dad immediately asks how his nephew is. Lucas is pushed in front of the phone and all I can hear is asking about how Lucas is, is Lucas talking yet, is Lucas reading yet. I manage to squeeze my head in and ask about Suzie and Lee’s voice off camera says that “oh she’s fine, just snobbish.” Snobbish? A five year old?

And here’s where I’m probably the Asshole. Honestly, I’m looking between ESH and JAH here, but would perfectly understandable if tumblr decides YTA. My response to Lee’s comment was: “well maybe she wouldn’t be if everyone didn’t pick Lucas as the family favorite.”

My dad smacked me upside the head, Renee and Bea got really pissed off, and the FaceTime went quiet until it was cut off and Grandpa called back to talk to Dad privately. Bea called me an asshole and while my Mom got onto her for her language, Mom agreed that I was.

My dad came back from the phone and did the silent point towards his bedroom, y’all with shitty parents know the one. Because I’m twenty fucking years old and pay RENT here, I shook my head, grabbed my keys, and went to go hang out with my significant partner and work friends. We had a great time and I’m currently in the car with my significant other while typing this. I’m gonna spend the night at their place and go back in the morning to see how bad the damage is. My significant other says I was justified in what I said, but two of my work friends (one who’s a Cishet guy who grew up in a similar household and another who’s a new dad with his own son) say that what I said was uncalled for and rude. They explained that I had no right to weaponize Lucas and Suzie like that and I understand that. I’m just tired of Suzie being neglected and, selfishly I know, I’m tired of how my identity is ignored as well

So, tumblr, AITA?

TL;DR, My two year old cousin is the “only” grandson in the family. The family ignores my male identity and my baby cousin’s five year old sister to fawn over the two year old. Am I The Asshole for pointing this out point blank in front of the whole family on Christmas morning?

What are these acronyms?

[up-in-flames-writing]

I feel like we never talk about how hard it is to be a trans immigrant. We never talk about how escaping from a country that persecutes you does not free you from suffering & bigotry.

I may not be able to attend my own graduation ceremony. I worked so hard these past three years to achieve something, to be the first person in my immediate family to finish uni, get a degree, & then be able to actually do something with it, to pick my own life course & not stray from it. I reinvented myself during these last three years so much, from the shy, dysphoric kid with no friends to a man who maybe isn't doing the best in life, but who has a hope for the future. I worked hard to present myself in the best way I could, & yet I won't be able to see the fruits of my labours.

And, sure, the reason is real silly. I can't legally change my name, so the name on the degree will be my dead one, & the Vice Chancellor will read out the corpse of my old self in front of all my teachers & peers, everyone who knew me as Booker, & Booker alone. And they will expect to see a young lady in a dress climb the stage, only to be met with a boy who isn't quite a man yet, who is still forced to live under a girl's name.

And why? Why! Because I am an immigrant who feared for my young life when Brexit was happening, who has been teased & bullied for being an ESL student, who never quite belonged. Because I am an immigrant transman who could be imprisoned in my country of birth for the crime of wanting to reinvent myself, who has to walk on eggshells around the man who reared me because he grew up Polish & catholic & who knows how he would react if I told him I was his grandson & not his granddaughter. I am an immigrant who has to hide behind their parents because who knows how my extended family will react to me, who is still not allowed to tell his cousin, his little sister whom he adores, his real name despite the fact I was her age when I started questioning my own gender & I somehow wasn't too young to be in pain!

I am an immigrant who cannot safely return home, but the country that took me in isn't quite the safe haven either. Because I need a passport to prove that my name has changed, but a passport cannot be issued to me under a name my birth country does not approve of. Because to change myself fully, I need to become a citizen to a country that abandoned my homeland after the war & looked away when it was being subjugated during it. Because I need to know how many of the swans in London belong to the Crown for the state to consider me a citizen of this dying empire, despite the fact I've lived here for so long, I can't remember what my childhood home back in Poland even looked like! I cannot truly remember what my room in that flat in a small, backwater Polish town looked like anymore, except for the bed that we now have in our guest bedroom, & the bookshelf that cradles all of my books on transness & queerness & feminism.

Because I am an immigrant from a country who hates me, I am forced to live in a country that hardly tolerates me, & to live as my true self I have to subjugate myself for the sake of an old empire that lost its touch. I have to submit myself to a personal sort of colonisation, to be able to walk onto that stage at graduation with my real name on the degree. But I can't do that, because I don't have the money, because I spent the last three years breaking my back proving to people that the little girl with behavioural problems who was always bullied, was able to become something greater than the sum of her parts. Because I now don't have the time or the patience to tell you exactly when the Union Jack was created, or at what hour of the day is tea time, & I don't have the time to wait for a passport to be sent to me, only for me to return it to sender with a plea of changing my name upon it.

Because my transmacs friends in college had their names changed at sixteen, while I'm already done with my undergrad & still have to contend with the question of what citizenship I would rather have. Because I will sooner be on hormones & growing a beard than I will be able to change my name.

And in all this I find it so ironic that I was named after an angel, & like everything else in my life, I reject the goodness & the easy way out, I reject the things that once made me, me, to become my own god & rebuild myself out of the scraps left behind by a life of turmoil.

And still I am just some immigrant bitch stealing jobs from good, hardworking Britons, & I'm still just a transsexual fag taking women's rights away, & I'm still just some freak of nature manipulating the kids into sin & immorality. And no matter where I go, where I turn to, I don't feel all that angelic at all.

[cartooncreep]

ATSV SPOILERS!!!

(It’s all allegories and metaphors I know I know but I can only say it that many times until it takes away from the point I’m making. She is trans tho shut up.)

Okay so we all know Gwen Stacy/Spiderwoman is a trans allegory (is trans) right? Right.

I rewatched ATSV today, and I’ll watch it even more no doubt about that. But I’m here to talk about the part of the movie that made me gasp and go “ohh.”

So we already know it’s GWEN who’s trans NOT Peter cause that takes away from her whole allegory AND I don’t care how much of an ally you are - you’re not hanging the trans flag in your room. However, the person I actually wanna focus on here is Peter.

Peter isn’t really introduced to us as someone we should care about, we care about Gwen and her pain of losing Peter but Peter himself? He wasn’t built enough as a character for us to care. He’s shown having dinner with Gwen’s family throughout the years, someone who is implied Gwen isn’t really ever without. Then one day he dies. As he dies in Gwen’s arms he reveals he knew who she was and tells her everything will be okay. Gwen flees the scene upon the arrival of her dad who finds Peters dead body.

Gwen’s father is fixated on the death of Peter, absolutely convinced Spiderwoman killed him. Gwen herself tells her dad that she doesn’t think it was her, a conversation they’ve likely had many times over the years considering. Despite Gwen’s efforts her dad remains almost obsessed over arresting Spiderwoman specifically for Peters death. This sort of thirst for revenge would be better placed if it was his own personal connection who was seemingly murdered, but it wasn’t, it was his daughters best friend. His daughter whom holds no ill will against Spiderwoman and actively encourages her Dad to not try and arrest her. He becomes angry and is convinced he’s correct. This is a lot of anger and DEVOTION (as it’s been years since Peter’s death) to catching someone who only you is convinced killed your…daughter’s…best….friend?

It then culminates with her dad facing her, Spiderwoman, with a gun. In a desperate attempt to save herself she reveals her identity. Her dad is horrified and wavers, but doesn’t fully lower the gun. And then she says the line that made me gasp, “I didn’t kill Peter.”

Peter isn’t her friend in this allegory he’s her dead name, the person she used to present as. Her dad is fighting for the son he thinks he’s lost to a daughter that’s killed him. Peter was there with her throughout her life because it was in fact her that was with Peter, Gwen was always there, Spiderwoman was always there, Gwen just finally came out of hiding.

It’s never explained as to why Peter knew Gwen’s name as he died. What it is is him knowing Gwen is there as the truth, as Spiderwoman - Him AS Gwen, her letting him go as he dies. Leaving Peter, Gwen staying. Him saying “Gwen, it’s all gonna be okay.” Because he knew, he IS Gwen, she IS Spiderwoman, and it IS gonna be all okay.

Idk I just have a lot of feelings

[angstintensifer]

Hunter Huntsman headcanons

Hunter knows more than he'd like about shoes because he always listens to Ashlynn's many facts about them.

Hunter plays Minecraft with Cerise, Cedar and Sparrow, sometimes he teams up with Cerise just to kill Sparrow on Minecraft.

Hunter lets Dexter play Tailer Quick in their dorm room and keeps it a secret because Dexter doesn't want to get teased for it, but Hunter was already used to it anyway because Ashlynn is also a fan.

Hunter always lets Dexter vent to him about anything, he's a very good listener.

Hunter is very good at keeping things to himself as he has been hiding things about himself from his parents for years.

Hunter gets fairy down on himself a lot, because he knows he will never be the son or huntsman his father wants and while he doesn't want that destiny, he feels ashamed that he can't live up to it.

Cerise is older than Hunter and he has often come to her when he needs advice or to vent.

Hunter and Cerise are fairy good friends, he always suspected Cerise was hiding something but since he hides things about himself as well he never asked her about it and respected her privacy.

Their mothers are actually friends. Hunter's mother once made a comment about Hunter and Cerise "liking" each other in front of them and they both laughed because they never saw each other that way.

Hunter's phone contains millions of pics of Fern, Ashlynn, him and Ashlynn, Pesky, sunsets and any of his favourite wooden works.

Hunter always takes a picture of a good sunset or sun rise.

He is a terrible hexter and doesn't use his phone a lot.

He wants to be good at poetry, because he thought it would impress Ashlynn, but he's not, he's awful at it. (Literally the episode Cedar wood would love to lie)

Hunter can tell something is wrong with Pesky if Pesky isn't throwing nuts at him.

Hunter once scolded Pesky coldly for accidently hitting Ashlynn with a nut.

His favourite artist is Hozier.

Ashlynn is his go to person when he messes up.

He does not like Sparrow, at all. At first it was general annoyance, then it was Sparrow teaming up with Duchess in the exposure of him and Ashlynn's relationship, and then it was back to general annoyance but their friendship has improved because Hunter doesn’t like to hold grudges.

Hunter made the tiny satchel Pesky wears, and he made one for Fern as well.

When Fern learned to walk, Hunter insisted on taking her out for her first walk around the enchanted forest, his parents trusted him because they know he would protect her.

Once he tried on a pair of heels at Ashlynn's shop to see what they felt like, he tripped and accidently damaged them, he vowed to never do it again and paid damages for them.

Ashlynn tips him for delivering shoes, he fought her on it because he only did it as an excuse to see her.

He once beat Daring in a sword fight. Daring made him promise to never tell anyone. (He lied and only told Cerise)

Apple was never close with Hunter even though they share a story but after his relationship with Ashlynn was exposed, Apple lost some respect for him for betraying their story and with that causing her friend to betray hers (no one actually talks abt this and I didn’t even think abt it until I read Gumjesters eah rewrite and Apple made one comment to Hunter during true hearts day and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since)

He is a trans man (I know this is v popular headcanon for him but I adore it and I had to include it bc I love it sm)

Despite being a rebel Hunter is still afraid of telling his parents he doesn’t want to follow his story, he knows he will let them down and he wants to put that off for as long as he can. He thinks they won’t support his decision and his romance.

Hunter and Pesky met when Hunter rescued him from a wolf by distracting the wolf with some meat. Hunter showed Pesky he wasn’t a killer and gained his trust.

He is a great horse rider and has ridden Ashlynn’s dragon (the one from dragon games)

[deerboybreeder]

Imagine a college roommate that you vibe with implicitly, someone who gets you on a level that no one else seems to. It's pure luck of the draw that you ended up rooming with someone studying something so similar to you that also thinks the same way as you, and who doesn't judge you for your strangeness. In fact, he matches your eccentricities in his own way.

You don't expect to fall for this guy, spending long nights studying together, ignoring party invites together in exchange for nerdier pursuits like a D&D campaign. Eventually he opens up to you that he's recently discovered that he's gay, and he's scared how his conservative country family back home is going to take the news if he ever comes out. And despite you being stealth in every area of your life, you tell him that you're trans, and that your parents did NOT take it well, but you made it here despite all that. And you tell him that even if his family doesn't handle it well, you'll always have his back.

He asks you, quietly, how long you've known, and you answer since you were very little. You ask the question in return, and he goes a little red in the face, stumbling a little over his words. He answers that it was probably the day you first met, being the first person since he left home to take him seriously and the only person ever to really get his little quirks. Your own heart skips a beat, and you look like a deer in headlights. Your roommate tries to backpedal, but you stop him with a kiss. Cliche, but effective.

He wraps his arms around you with a gentleness you've not experienced before, and you melt into him with a sigh. You already knew you were into men, it just was a hard sell to find one that saw you as one too. That night, you spend the time exploring each other's bodies, making each other see stars. He cums deep inside you a small handful of times, the two of you lost in the euphoria of knowing each other and being known in return.

The two of you start dating, secretly to keep from outing your roommate, but you don't mind. You're stealth, you understand the need for privacy. You are a more private person anyway. The sex is amazing, and he genuinely sees you as the man you are, even as he fills your cunt every night.

You don't notice right away, your clothes getting tighter. And when you do, you think it's just the freshman 15. You've been on testosterone long enough that there's no period to miss, and the thought you might be pregnant doesn't cross your mind until you start throwing up in the morning, much to your now boyfriends concern.

When it comes back positive you're nearly hysterical, asking how you could be so stupid and careless, how your life was ruined now, and all sorts. Your boyfriend just holds you close, listens to you cry, and when you tire yourself out, makes an offer.

If you wanted, he could marry you. Take responsibility, and if you could pretend just for the wedding day he wouldn't have to come out to his family about it, either. He wasn't hugely rich, but he did know that he had a house that would be his if he was the first in his generation to get married, so he could offer you the stability you needed on top of it all. And obviously, he'd help you raise the baby- you could be a real family together. Once the house was in his name, you could come out together, and even if his family cut them off then, they couldn't take the house. You'd have it all!

It was a hard choice, that took a few days to think on, but the growing pressure in your abdomen urged you along. You agreed. And it's not like you hadn't already been daydreaming of a life together with this strange and brilliant man- it was just more thoughts of co-writing groundbreaking research together more than co-parenting a child you didn't expect.

You were lucky- the timing of everything lined up so that you could finish your year barely showing and able to hide it, just thanks to lucky genetics keeping you from showing much in the first two trimesters. Once summer break hit, you were married within the month, and by then you were obviously pregnant. It was a shotgun wedding, everyone assumed, and in a way it was, but you didn't mind. Even if the dress made you miserable and so did the well-meaning and only slightly condescending "you're lucky he's making an honest woman out of you" comments. Your now husband tended to you the whole night, deflecting questions about your deep voice and broad shoulders as you got married under a name you hadn't used in years, but after you kissed the man you now married, he whispered in your ear that he loved you, and called you by your real name.

The baby came with just enough time before the start of your second year that you could recover fairly well, and you knew you wanted to keep going with your education. Your husband, the sweetest man you knew, said to go for it- his family could watch the baby in the daytime so he could work, and support all three of you. He said he would take night classes at a reduced credit plan- you'd graduate a year before him now, but he could make it work. You offered to drop out, but he insisted you keep going.

You do. It's difficult, but you make it work. With the stability of having a home, you're able to take more risks, focus hard on your academics, and when you get your bachelor's, end up going with a scholarship for your masters, then a PHD on an accelerated track. He goes slower, but your husband gets his own masters while you're working on your thesis, and your daughter is learning how to read.

During this time, when your little girl is spending her mornings in school and doesn't need a babysitter in the daytime, you come out together. It goes... Poorly. As expected, his family rejects the both of you, and your daughter along with you. They want the house back, but there's nothing they can do.

By pure luck, once you've both finished your education at long last, you both score high paying jobs in your shared field, across the country out where no one knows the two of you. You both jump at the chance, of course, offering to sell the house back to the unsupportive family and disappear from their lives forever. They take the offer, and you, your husband, and your daughter all move out to this tiny little town for this incredible job opportunity, and you build a life there.

For once, in out of all of the realities that you believe exist out there, you get a happy ever after.

[quitealotofsodapop]

Nobody bays an eye at the fact that MK's mom is a very much male presenting person. They live in a world where shape-shifting is the norm, and there is literally a famous story about a kingdom with a river that can make anyone, no matter the gender, pregnant. Its not an impossible thing to imagine for them, especially since they suspect MK to be a demon at that point anyway, which means his mom is guaranteed to be one too. No, the biggest surprise in regards to Wukong's pregnancy comes more from who Wukong is rather than any sort of gender he presents as, but it's rather easily explained away. After all, there's no reason for Wukong to hide the fact that Stone Monkey pregnancies are often fatal and result in many complications, so as the stronger and more durable between himself and his mate as well as the one with mor most layers of immortality, it's simple logic that he'd be the one to bear their young.

At least, that's how Wukong describes it later. What he neglected to realize is that just because the specifics of Stone Monkey pregnancies have become somewhat common knowledge amongst the celestials, the mortals do not share in that knowledge and hus rather blase attitude in regards to potentially dying in childbirth does little to ease DBK, Pigsy, Tang, or Sandy's concern. PIF is a little more understanding of Wukong's position, having gone through similar complications with Redson's birth, and actually applauds his willingness and bravery in bringing more children into the world, even whilst almost losing his life to bring his eldest into the world.

prev post.

That and they don't want to assume anything in case MK's mom is a trans person. Wukong is fine with both Mama/Baba titles, and if he carried the kid it only makes sense to him to be "Mom" to them.

In a world of demons, trans people, shapeshifting, and rivers that make your pregnant, you just grow up knowing that sometimes a dude gets pregnant.

Regular Stone Monkey pregnancies aren't anymore fatal than say wild monkey statistics, but the Stone Egg method is super dangerous. Stone Monkeys basically donate so much of their life energy to the world around them that there's very little left over for themselves. The "Boulder" atop FFM is even described as spreading orchids and mushrooms into the earth around it.

PIF admires and envies Wukong a little for his success, despite the terror surrounding little Xiaotian's arrival. She wonders if DBK hadn't been imprisoned, if they could have had such luck.

Wukong very simply explains to the Noodle Gang that he's like the healthiest demon around, and his mate is slightly more fragile than him (literally born in the anaerobic enviroment of the moon = no immune system), so he takes over for baby-incubating. The gnag are super intrigued!

Tang: "So when did you decide to have MK?" Wukong, laughing: "Oh, that was a happy accident! A happy, kinda-scary, 14 year accident." Noodle Gang: (*all nod on understanding/awkwardness*) MK: "Yeah, thats why I grew up being told never to bury myself under a mountain." Noodle Gang: "...wut?" Tang:, JTTW brain activating: "Wait. Did you say 14 years!? As in during the Journey!?!"

Wukong pretty much pulls out corkboard of crayon drawings (like in "The Plan Man") to explain the process and how Macaque accidentally left Wukong "rock pregnant" under Five Finger Mountain - a collage crafted specifically back when MK had first asked about the "Birds and the Bees". The Noodle Shop Gang are horrified - and so is MK for having to re-live it.

Everyone comes away from that specifc lunchtime knowing a little too much about the reproductive habits of Stone Monkeys.

Hilariously I can imagine a situation like with the Eclipse Twins in the TMKATI au (both monkeys got el-pregante with either twin) happening here.

But with the current day. Remember how I pointed out that out of all the Nodelets, one shadow planet was missing? >:3

Once the LBD situation is dealt with at the end of S3;

Guanyin: (*gently grabs Macaque by the scruff of the neck*) Guanyin: "How long were you going to run around getting into danger without telling him [Wukong] you were expecting as well?!" Macaque, honestly confused: "Pardon???" Wukong: (*GASP!*) "Hypocrite!" Macaque: "In my defence, I didn't know that could happen."

MK barfs just *a little* at the announcement (MK: "I TOLD you they were being gross!").

Que the last Lunar Nodelet; Ziqi being made. This time via a very nervous Macaque.

Shadow monkey is on 24 hour lockdown pretty much to watch out for health complications, a reasonable punishment for his little disappearing act. Complications arise only because Mac was away from FFM for an appointment with Lao Tzu when a certain Scroll got found...

[docholligay]

I Saw the TV Glow

I’m essentially always up for a weird horror movie, so when I saw the ads for I Saw the TV Glow, I knew I was in. I don’t generally look up anything about a movie before I go, and in truth, prefer when a trailer doesn’t tell me all that much about what’s going to happen in a movie. This fit the bill!

Non-spoilery: Go in as blind as possible to this movie. There were a lot of things I thought this movie was going to be about, and it was not any of them. What it ended up being about was fantastic. This movie is really really going to resonate with some people my age and the ages around it. I don’t know if it will be as effective for younger people for a variety of reasons. 

Bear in mind I saw this once several months ago, with spoilers below the cut. 

OKAY. We’re in spoiler zone now, so let’s get into this: This movie is about the experience of being gay or trans, specifically in the late 90s to early aughts. We’ll get more into that later, but I want to put it on the table right now. This movie is horror in a Twilight Zone sense. That is in fact my favorite kind of horror! But if you’re seeing it billed as a horror movie, you may not get out of it what you are expecting. 

The Pink Opaque is absolutely Buffy. So much so that Jetty felt called out multiple times: They use the Buffy font, there’s a cameo from a Buffy actress, etc. The movie is not trying to hide this very well. And the Pink Opaque is not a great show! It’s more of a carriage device for these two teenagers that have something in common, something that sparks a realization between them of who they actually are. 

Throughout the show, as Owen gets more and more involved in wanting to watch the show with Maddy, we start seeing quotes in the background that could absolutely be on a high school board, but also…are very much about what is needed inm order to decide to unbury yourself, and live in the Pink Opaque. The one I remember the most, is because it’s one of my favorite quotes. “Without courage, all other virtues are meaningless.” I think about this quote all the time, because I think it is true. You can be kind, you can be intelligent, you can be loyal, but if you are a coward, those virtues mean nothing at the close of business. 

It’s impossible for me to explain to people even 7 to 10 years younger tha  me how different the world was then. I made the choice Maddy made and decided to live in The Pink Opaque as myself, but I love that it isn’t shown as consequence-free either. There are a lot of entanglements and difficulties and fights that came with that decision. You choose to live that way, in 2004, and you get to be the hero, but the hero has to constantly be on guard for the monsters around every corner. And this isn’t even me going, ‘poor pitiful me’--my life was leaps and bounds easier than 10 years before me--but it is a very very different landscape. Fucking no one bats an eye at me being gay now, realistically. 

When Maddy comes back as Tara, and says this is who she always has been, and she had to dig herself out of a fucking grave to be that, I was there, baby! I am not going to get too much into my personal life, but the process of becoming Doc was not a bloodless one. Her coming back and telling him he can have it all, he just has to be willing to die for it--fucking loved that. I have so many memories of having the same conversations with people. We couldn’t have everything. My peers had to decide between having college paid for, having a place to live, and being out, and not everyone had the brass ones to go my way. I made an impulsive, insane decision, and I have never ever regretted it. My parents couldn’t have paid for college anyhow, so fuck it. But it was a choice other people had same as I did, and again, sitting in that dark school ‘planetarium” telling Owen he can live a harder but more real life, fuck. Again, without courage, ALL OTHER VIRTUES ARE MEANINGLESS. I do genuinely feel like this movie might be a miss for a generation whose parents and social circles were simply awkward about it at worst. 

Not scary in the usual sense, but I think a great psychological horror about the costs of doing business, in this life. 

You’re poisoned, you’re buried alive, and that line about, “And you’ll never even know you’re dying.” I mean, sometimes I feel like I was a near miss from living my entire life closeted, as bizarre as that sounds for someone who left home over the matter. I am a person who just makes decisions, and what if I had made the decision to shut that part of myself off, as Owen did? 

My favorite part of this movie is when Owen shuts that part of himself off, and we see him living his life, and he has a family but we NEVER SEE THEM. Because they aren’t a real part of him either, they are all a part of the set dressing of the life he has convinced himself he wants. He is going to be a man, he is going to live as a man and tell himself that’s what he really wants. And then to end up in the bathroom, to end up vomiting all that moon juice and knowing that he has been dying inside the whole time? I thought it was such a beautifully sad ending. 

IF I had a criticism of this movie, there would be a couple handfuls: 

It can be a little on the nose, now and again. I think Maddy-as-Tara’s monologue goes on a little long and loses some of its punch. 

It doesn’t lean quite as hard into the unreliable narrator that is Owen as it could, and so I could see people going, “Oh, Tara was completely right, and Owen made the wrong choice” when even within the narrative, it is telling us that to live in the Pink Opaque is to kill who you are now. That is…not nothing. Owen has, for example, a real relationship with his mother. That’s something that can be lost. Because both me and the author made the same choice, its easy for us to write it as ‘correct’, and honestly it was only on stepping back for a bit that I’m like, “Hm, while this does a better job than 90% of the movies about this I’ve seen, i wish it would have outlaid the cost a little more” but I would want to rewatch it before I made that a HARD criticism instead of a soft one. I was still figuring out everything about the movie, and so didn’t have a chance to really analyze it in this lens. 

I had another criticism, but I actually do want to watch it again before I commit to it, upon reflection. 

[punkeropercyjackson]

To explain the problem with how the Atsv fandom deals with Hobie a lot and sometimes with Gwen too............Hobie and Gwen have certain expectations put on them as a slightly older black character and a female character who's the male mc's love interest.Hobie is expected to be overtly sexual and uncommited to his partners('I hate labels' was him being nonbinary,please be fucking serious)and have a huge mean edge to him or either a caretaker to the Spiderband with no personality and stories of his own and Gwen is expected to be a 'normal' straight girlfriend-Hence all the emphasis put on her being a girl and Miles a boy even when it dosen't fit-including the toxicity frequent in white ones with black boyfriends specifically(that's what 'snowbunny' means btw)and her experiences as a friendless abuse victim who's trans and was kicked out by her cop dad for doing activism isn't something that you can ignore,because GWEN can't ignore it either and neither can Hobie with his own lived antiblackness and adultification that are inherently intertwined with eachother

Gwen wasn't written to be a stereotypical hashtag quirky cis white girl with no real problems besides wanting the guy to like her back,Gwen was CANONICALLY written as a usual TRANS girl and those are absolutely different because i known both closely and she reminds me infinitely more of tgirls who're pastel softgirls for gender validation instead of white woman fragility and the only reason her and Margo weren't a trio with Hobie pre-Miles is the same reason Peter B didn't come with Gwen to visit Miles and it's that writers wanted to isolate them from eachother to emphasize Ghostflower as if they didn't pull it off just fine in the first movie and when the only weak points in the second one are FROM them doing that and if you think about it for 5 seconds you'd realize that Margo and her have every reason to love eachother so much and hang out.And Hobie has plenty of interesting traits and potential even without his comics lore and he never shows interest in sex-Rightfully so,because this is a fucking children's franchise!!!-and any 'vibes' adult Hobie bullshitters got was them being creeps who can't turn off horny mode and you can just say you don't ship Ghostpunk and Punkflower instead of making a fool of yourself by denying how much mutual romantic interest and chemistry Hobie has with Gwen and Miles

And y'all WILDIN' if you actually think Hobie's Team Dad status to the Spiderband is something that takes zero toll on him but i know for a fact it eventually does and he tries to hide it because he feels guilty but they find out and let him breakdown and take care of him too starting from then on because he's not their ACTUAL Dad,he's a 17 year old and he's their best friend and that's what best friends DO.Gwen ain't a pick me either,she's a trans legend who didn't magically turn cis when she started passing contrary to how y'all think transfemininity work and Hobie didn't 'adopt' her,him taking her in was intersectionality and solidarity between black people and trans women which has an extremely important history in punk culture and deadass one of the first thing's i learned when i started my research after i decided to go pastel punk.You all look dumb as hell with these janky ass takes,especially those random hate comments i'm always seeing on Hobie x Spiderband posts and the defenses towards the cisfeminization of Gwen and don't even get me started on the Switfie allegations as if Hobie isn't obviously a The Cure fan and Gwen a Tv Girl one,and if you want minority characters to be written offensively with no depth so bad,go back to watching Danny Phantom and Miraculous Ladybug and leave Hobs and Gwendy tf alone!!!!!

[crowwbones]

Silent and Still

Sir Simon "Ghost" Riley x transmasc oc/reader x John "Soap" MacTavish

Content: SFW (for now?), language, british people, mild transphobia? Sort of? More like old men half understanding in the way old men do,

THIS IS WRITTEN WITH AN OC, NOT AS AN X READER

Summary: The princess of a war torn kingdom was given a new... "pet". And it's a bit awkward since he doesn't like to speak to him specifically. Just a oneshot, unless you want more

This is a sort of Royal Au where Ghost is a knight, Price is a king, etc you get the vibe. I have two different versions for Johnny though:

☆ Just a no one from the city

Or

☆ Scottish King

Pls let me know if there's a preference :3

For ease of writing, I'll be using my OC Rin as the main pov. He's trans cause there's never enough representation for trans characters, so please be nice and enjoy :D

(He's half hispanic and half british, curly haired for those that want his visuals/voice imaginings)

Rin outright objected to the idea of having a personal knight. He fought hard with his father over the desicion, rejecting the prospecting knights offering their blade to protect him. He was the "princess" and "obviously" needed protecting.

Bullshit, is what it was. He'd gone unwed for years due to war tearing their kingdom to an unprospering halt, and no one wanted to marry a twenty-four year old princess. And because of this, and his own insistence, Rin was set to become the ruling Queen when his father felt it time to step down. But gods know when the hell that will happen.

Every single knight was turned away, mostly politely. Rin at least let them show their strengths off first before turning them away. The idea came that he'd just learn the ways of the blade himself, sneaking down to the stables and armoury in the night to train himself. It hadn't been long into this venture when his father called him to the main hall.

A group of merchants passed by as he walked up to his father, chatting up something fierce about their permit to sell and how excited they were. It made him smile a bit. Rin made it a point to get to know the merchants and townsfolk.

What made him lose this smile was the sight of another damned knight, standing eerily still and adorned in a full set of plated armour down to the helmet that hid his face. No house colours or banner were with him, which while unusual, just made the boys stomach drop.

"Rin, darling," His father started, the smile on his face warm with worry. "This is Sir Riley. I've appointed him to be your personal blade." The king stood from his seat and stepped down to the floor.

"Father." Rin didn't bother to hide his annoyance or keep his tone in check in front of the new man. "We agreed that *I* would be the one to pick out who takes up this... role. You can't just choose for me." His father grabbed his hand and held them tight, his smile just as firm as his grip.

"And you, dear, have rejected every single knight that's come to our doors. I cannot keep worrying about you, so Sir Riley is your last — and mind you— Your *only* option." His father didn't let go of his hands as he tried to pull away.

Brown eyes met the quiet steel of the man's helmet, a quiet huff coming from him now. Utterly ridiculous. Just another choice being ripped away from him. It was only a matter of time before his father would try to marry him off again. The knight didn't move even a centimeter. Was he bothering to breathe at all? The fact that he almost refused to move made him seem like it was all a joke, a set of armour his father set up to scare him.

Rin pulled at his hands, gently this time, and moved in front of the knight. First, with his arms crossed and face screwed up in scrutiny, Rin looked him over. Nothing was odd, besides how hollow the suit seemed, but how could he just accept this?

It was finally when Rin reached a hand up to the helmet did the man inside move. It scared him how fast his wrist was grabbed and pulled off to the side, almost pulling him upwards. He let out out a gasp and stared up at the mask as it tilted down to "look" at him.

"Do not do that."

The voice was low, threatening

Rin couldn't tell if the slight growl was on purpose to scare him or if that was just how he sounded.

"Well, how am I supposed to accept a knighy if I can't see your face?" He really thought he had a "gotchya" moment with that one, chest puffed and shoulder back while his hand was still being held hostage.

"Ah-I've already arranged for him. He'll be your personal knight and that's final." His father chimed in in an attempt to de-escalate. Rin turned to him, brow furrowed, and gestured to the man.

"This one?"

"Yes. Now, i have a meeting with the duke from the south to appoint resources. You're free to do as you please, but be mindful that he'll be hoing everywhere with you."

"What? What are you, a dog?" Rin scoffed, looking up at the man again. His arm was dropped unceremoniously and the knight went still again, not even acknowledging that he was spoken to.

"No. He's your knight. Your personal protector." His father came around and put a hand on Rin's shoulder to lead him to the stairwell. "You just need time to get used to him, so I've instructed him to not leave your side. Why don't you show him the town square? You look like you need some air."

Rin stared at the open door ahead of him ehile his father darted off. *Coward.* He didn't even want to stay for the verbal lashing he was deserving of? Oh, that man was going to never hear the end of it. Yes. He was the King. Yes, he was *technically* his daughter. But that did not mean he was free of his wrath.

With a sigh, the boy turned to the knight, long skirt twirling gently in his anger.

"Wait here, then. I have to grab something."

He mounted the stairs with a huff, only making it halfway before he paused. The soft clank of metal shoes on stone came from below him. They both had stopped, staring at the other.

"I'm just going to my room. You can wait there in the hall." He rolled his eyes and began up the stairs again. With every soft tap of his feet followed a slightly louder thud.

"You. Are not. Coming with me. *To my room.*" Rin stopped again, at the top of the stairs, and looked down at the knight with a frown.

The knight said nothing. He just. Fucking. Stood there.

Rin felt his hands grip the long sleeves of the dress. Inahle. Hold. Say nothing. Please say nothing. With a sigh, he turned on his heel and made way for his room. Hopefully with enough speed to lose the man in the long halls.

But who was he to be so lucky? The man was surely quick. And quiet as one could be in full plates.

The princess held his face steady, well aware how his emotions liked to speak loudly through his expressions. This was going to be absolutely infuriating.

He was quick to grab his bag from his room. The knight standing in the doorway made him feel cornered, and very, very small. He couldn't let him know or see his hands shaking with rage. He didn't need a knight! He was on his way to being perfectly capable of protecting himself. Eventually...

Rin looked at the black strip between the helmets plates where the man's eyes should be. In theory. Why couldn't he see his face at all? How was he supposed to trust him in any capacity? Didn't he know it rude to not show his face? Or did he not care?

Either way. It was foolish and he just wanted to be away from his father and this damn statue. Rin hummed as he walked back to the hall. Sir Riley backed away to allow him through, even closing the door behind him. How chivalrous. It made him nauseated. He was old enough to not have men doing this.

♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧

They got outside, finally, and Rin took the first full deep breath since his father called him to meet this man. The sun was warm on his skin, highlighting all the tight brown curls of his hair. Sir Riley looked at the stable boy, the light coming off his armour almost bloody blinding Rin and the poor worker.

"Fetch the carriage." He spoke with that growl again, leading Rin to believe that it was just how he sounded.

"No, no need. Just a couple horses will do. As always." Rin stepped closer to the boy as he stared nervously between the two of them. Could the princess be intimidating? A little. But the man behind him was way more terrifying. The stableboy dashed off to grab the personal coachman. No one was hoing to disobey a man that looked like they could slice them in half with a greatsword they could weild with one hand.

The knight pulled the door open for Rin, gesturing for him to get in without a word. The princess glared over at the stableboy as he pulled himself inside while avoiding any extra help the knight was offering.

Little traitor. How could he listen to some stranger over *him*? Absurd.

It wasn't all that far to the town square either. It was a large city, but the palace sat fairly central to everything. Rin hated the confines of the carriage, especially since he was fully alone inside it. Sir Riley had his own steed. Of course. Why wouldn't he? Where did his father even find this man anyway...

Rin went about this trip in his usual way, fully ignoring the imposing figure that shadowed him to every stall and listened to every conversation with a sharp ear no matter how mundane it was.

He heard many nonsense stories of the people's lives that didn't make sense with no context, but Rin listened to everyone with a smile. Perhaps not the most even tempered royal he's met, but he cared.

Or was really damn good at faking it. That's what the knight would put his money on.

After a couple hours of mingling and trading objects and stories, the sun began to dip low and the knight began to usher the princess back to the carriage. Rin protested and tried to ignore him to continue his day, but this man was clearly insistant.

The knight had rules he was instructed to follow to a t, and he would do just that. Starting with getting the princess home before dusk.

He didn't put up much of a fight, though he didn't want to admit he was getting tired anyway. They made it back to the palace in one piece. It just really cemented the fact that he felt that he didn't need protection. And if he did. Well... he could learn to do it himself just like everything else.

Dinner came and went, his father weaseling his way out of another conversation by inviting the duke and his entourage to eat with them. Rin *was* going to talk to him about this.

♤♡◇♧♤♡◇♧

The princess sat himself on the edge of his bed in a nightgown, hair still damp from the bath. The handmaids had left his room for the night and the room was silent. Silent enough that the door thudding shut made him jump.

Sir Riley now stood in his room, silent and still in front of his door. Rin stared at him over his shoulder. He was way too exposed. His nightgowns were comfortable. Perhaps a bit much for a man he wasn't married to to see him in. His tanned cheeks turned red as he pulled his arms across his chest despite being turned away from the knight.

"Why are you in here?"

No response came from the man.

"Hello?" Rin's brow furrowed deeper. "You don't need to be in here."

Nothing came from him again.

Rin faced the window across the room, trying to gather his thoughts in the gentle candlelight. Sir Riley didn't move a muscle. Seemed like a trained thing. Had to be.

The princess sighed as he pulled the covered back and over his body, trying to ignore the presence behind him. Staring at him. Standing inside his room. Just... watching him sleep--

Absoluetly not. He could not do this.

Rin whipped up and faced the knight who seemed to straighten up a bit at the sudden movement.

"You cannot be in here while I sleep." He clenched his jaw as he stared at the faint moonlight shining off of the man's armour. The air of an expected response once again went unfilled.

"Gods, okay. You. Need to be somewhere else. Not in here. I can't sleep with you in here. So *please*, get out."

Rin crossed an arm over to pull the blankets back so he could stand but the knight held up a hand. He grabbed the door handle and agonisingly slowly pulled it open before stepping back into the hallway. The door once again thudded shut and Rin flopped back onto his pillows.

.... he... didn't hear any footsteps. Even though he was quiet, steel on stone would always be heard.

Brown eyes peeled open, staring at the small gap under the door until his eyes adjusted to the dim light that barely came through. And two shadows sat still in front of his door.

At least he wasn't inside his room.

There was no way this was going to work out.

[nothorses]

Aren't you the one with the weird ass misogyny kink

This is such a perfect example of how fucking stupid callout culture is, actually.

For context, nearly two years ago now, a few blogs known for picking fights & starting harassment campaigns picked a fight & started a harassment campaign against first one transmasc blogger, then a bunch of other transmascs they harassed about reblogging his post who either didn't respond to them, or who responded unfavorably.

I won't get into the nitty-gritty here, but I did elsewhere [1] [2] and so have a few other folks.

I wasn't the original person called out. I was tacked on after the fact because I didn't respond.

What I've been "called out" for since then is, essentially, a bunch of complete bullshit made up by people who are pissed off that I encouraged people to think critically about the callout posts they came across.

Even among those lies, my sex life, kinks, fetishes, whatever- none of it has ever come up. Because I don't engage with that online, I never have, and I never will, for exactly this reason.

Would you be surprised if I told you this wasn't the first time I'd been accused of the "crimes" that original person was accused of?

You probably shouldn't be! This shit happens all the time, and it's only a natural progression of the callout culture it all stems from: one person has some shit they said taken out of context and painted in a bad light by a vindictive and usually transphobic internet loser, everyone who doesn't publicly disavow them immediately and without question is guilty by association, and what reason do they have to defend this person anyway, except so they can get away with the same thing? They must be doing it too!

And this ask especially is phrased in such a blatantly manipulate way. There's no good way to answer this: either I say "yes, but" and people stop thinking or caring there, or I say "no, here's what really happened" and I look weak and dubious for defending myself at all. The accusation has been made, the question has been asked, and now everything I say is with the assumption that this is something I am responsible for proving or disproving.

It's stupid and pointless and it's all fucking made up. It's designed to run on instinctive disgust and outrage, and what better conduit is there for rage and disgust than trans people? Especially trans people who talk about being trans.

And even putting all that aside: who fucking cares?

Who cares if one dude gets off to some shit he, in real life, both suffers from and actively tries to combat? Why are you so concerned with the private sexual fantasies of one random internet stranger? Why is it so important to you that everyone in the world know what this one dude thinks is hot when acted out between two consenting adults?

Come off anon and tell me all your kinks, anon. Tell me every single thing you have ever been turned on by, everything you've masturbated to, and why. I want detailed notes. I want links to porn. If you've made art, written fanfic, roleplayed- I want to see it.

C'mon, if this should be publicly available knowledge, let's start with you. It shouldn't matter as long as none of it's weird or off-putting to anyone else, right? You don't need to hide anything, right? There's nothing there you'd be embarrassed about, nothing you'd rather keep private, right? So what's the hold-up, why haven't you done this already? Why are you on anon to begin with; what are you hiding?

If anyone's the "sex freak" or whatever, anon, it's you. Nobody fucking needs this information about anyone, especially if they aren't sexually involved with each other. It's a massive invasion of privacy, and much more importantly it is textbook sexual harassment.

Anyway. Hi, voc and w-oc. I should be more surprised to see you two in my inbox, but I guess yall are obsessive enough to respond to, literally, a couple of tags on one reblog containing undefined, contextless acronyms of your urls. Hope you talk to a therapist about that someday.

[musicalmoritz]

Ok ok so you said something in your Les Aoi analysis about trans Aoi (I’m gonna be honest I don’t remember which it was 😭😭) so I wanted to ask for an analysis on that! Especially because I don’t think I’ve really seen that before! Thanks :))

Alright! Let’s talk about transmasc Aoi. Just a heads up, I’m probably gonna alternate the pronouns based on whether I’m referring to canon or fanon Aoi. So if I’m talking about a canon situation with Aoi I’ll stick with she/her but if I’m referring to Aoi as in transmasc fanon Aoi, I’ll go with he/him. I’ll try to make sure it doesn’t get confusing lol

Transmasc Aoi exists for the same reasons lesbian Aoi exists. Aoi’s character centers around hiding her true self, which is a universal queer experience. Some fans relate her arc to lesbianism, but others relate it more to her gender identity. I am not trans myself and I have never been trans nor questioned my gender identity so I may not be the best person to explain this, so if any trans TBHK fans want to chime in here feel free to do so!! I will try my best to relay how Aoi’s character stands out to some trans readers (tho you obviously don’t have to be trans to headcanon a character as trans as long as you’re doing so respectfully, I have lots of trans headcanons)

Unlike the lesbian Aoi headcanon, I have no gripes with how this one is portrayed. I’ve seen AoiAoi, Aoinene, and TeruAoi shippers alike express love for this headcanon so it never feels like they’re trying to erase part of her arc or just keep her away from Akane. Which makes sense, unless they were writing Akane as straight, male Aoi wouldn’t hinder that relationship in any way. Furthermore, this headcanon feels more focused on Aoi as a charger rather than trying to shove her into an aesthetic (just to be clear I don’t dislike the lesbian Aoi headcanon, just the way it’s often portrayed). In fact I often see this hc paired with trans Akane/trans Nene/trans Teru. With a wide variety too, sometimes Akane is written to be transmasc as well and other times she’s portrayed as transfem. That’s one of my favorite parts of this headcanon, people get so creative with it

Aoi’s entire character centers around how her internal self doesn’t align with the external. The image she presents to the school is not her true self. I’m gonna pull out my favorite term here, Aoi’s identity makes her experience cognitive dissonance. Her actions don’t align with the way she thinks and believes. I know that’s a pretty simple concept but there is so much you can interpret from that premise. Imo there’s some pretty obvious personality disorder coding going on there but I’ll hold my tongue. Canon reasons aside, this theme stands out to a lot of trans readers.

Having to present yourself in a way that doesn’t align with who you are on the inside is a core part of the trans experience. This is supported even further by the fact that Aoi’s femininity is a large part of her act. The difference between her and Nene is that Aoi seems to be the perfect girl in every way, and Nene is far from that. Let me reiterate that, the image Aoi presents to society is one of the perfect girl. Most fans focus on the perfect part, but her femininity is also an act to an extent. To impress Nakahara (the bitch from chapter 1), Nene spent three years trying to act more feminine. She knew he liked traditionally feminine girls so she worked hard to fit that role. Part of that involved joining gardening club, the main hobby Aoi is known for. After three years of trying to fit a specific brand of femininity, Nene was still rejected for not meeting Nakahara’s standards. But the boys at school LOVE Aoi for traditionally feminine things. I’m not sure I could find the specific chapter but there’s one scene in the manga where they’re drooling over her for sweeping and marveling at how domestic she is. At first glance, Aoi appears to embody traditional femininity. But it’s all an act

She presents herself a certain way so that the school, including the boys, will love her. What’s interesting to me about the aforementioned scene is that Aoi is doing completely normal tasks and still being upheld as the pinnacle of femininity. She can’t escape the role others mole her into. She has to play into it too, in order to obscure her true self from the public eye. But when we see signs of the real Aoi, she’s not acting how a perfect girl should act. She’s reserved and quiet and nerdy and rude. This is different from the theme of femininity we see in Nene’s story, which is that femininity doesn’t have to be performed in restrictive ways. Aoi doesn’t have to find her true femininity, she has to find her true self. That’s where transmasc Aoi comes in

So how is transmasc Aoi depicted in fanon? The same as canon Aoi! That’s what I love most about this headcanon, you don’t have to change much about Aoi’s character in order to make it work. Trans Aoi is still his usual introverted and supportive self (it took me so long for find a nice adjective to describe Aoi lmao), the biggest difference I’ve noticed is that he’s usually portrayed as being the truest version of himself, which I think is beautiful. It works with canon too since these fics are typically written later in Aoi’s development when she’s begun to take steps towards embracing her real self. Trans Aoi is depicted as being a natural step in that direction. Sometimes he’s written to stay closeted for a while in order to keep up appearances, but he still gets to come out to his close friends/partners

To me this headcanon is filled with appreciation for Aoi’s character. It’s not my personal main headcanon for her (despite all I’ve said I am a lesbian Aoi lover, tho more of a bi Aoi lover for canon), but I have mad respect for everyone who chooses this as their version of Aoi. If anyone wants a really good fic for this headcanon I recommend livvidaloca’s “i could be your regular belle” on ao3. It’s Terukaneaoi and actually more transfem Akane than transmasc Aoi but it’s super good and honestly I just wanted to recommend a livvidaloca fic

I hope this helped you understand the headcanon better, thank you for the ask!!

[garfield-milk]

pspspsps. transfem zuko headcanons? im all ears please tell me

you have no idea how much I've waited for the day someone asks me about this...

ok so I want to start about how I think her childhood was like. pretty much everything happened the same as in canon but!!! ursa realized that there was something going on with zuko (she was showing her feminity) she didn't know exactly what, but she neither wanted to dig too deep. she just went "oh wow my kid is a queer, I personally don't care but I don't want to see him get hurt" so she let zuko try some jewelry and do femenine things with her but letting her know that it was seen as something "bad". HC that zuko secretly loves (both in canon and in this au) when azula calls her zuzu bc it's not a masculine nickname. anyways stuff happen, zuko started hiding that part of herself and then Ursa leaves and the agni Kai happens and she had to cut her hair (ouch). she didn't let it grow back or have it united bc she felt ashamed about everything about her !!!!! (I know I'm making this up myself but IM GOING TO CRY UGHHHH). there's more under the cut, I just don't want to make this too long lmao

ok so 3 years go by she gets really depressed and angry and blah blah blah your average zuko angry but with more flavour. then she a iroh have to flee from de FN and she cuts her hair!!!!! and lets it grow longer (it grows really fast ok?) which feels great for her and when they get to BBS and trans stuff start to happen. I have this idea (idk if this works well with canon but idc) that, meanwhile in the FN lee is a masc name in the EK the only name similar is Li (a femenine name) so one time iroh is talking to a costumer and calls "lee" to help him and the consumer just says something like "oh I didn't know you had a daughter" and iroh doesn't correct them (old man suspects a few things) and neither does zuko so iroh looks at her with that knowing smile but let's it be hehehehehe.

also I have a feeling that in BBS they arent really lgbt friendly but they let queer people live their lifes freely bc they want everyone to be "happy", so there's a ton of LGBT paces. zuko just happens to stumble in one and there's a lot of queer people and when zuko tells them that her name is Li they share a look and go "li girl come here, let us give you a makeover" and they dress her and put make up and jewelry on her. zuko starts coming over and meets a bunch of trans people and realizes that there's nothing wrong with her (after this is by the time she catches that 'im becoming good' fever, because she's also redeeming herself). she doesn't tell iron but!! she start wearing a bit more femenine clothes and some jewelry and pretty much everyone in the tea shop calls her iroh's niece/daughter so...

oh!!!! and zuko and jet have a thing bc jet didn't realize that she was a firebender until after the ferry. so one time zuko takes the courage to tell him that she's a girl (first person she actually came out to) and jet is completely fine with it bc why wouldn't he?? and then he finds out she's a firebender and tries to kill her (jet is a dumbass, he doesn't die and 5 years later they find each other and jet sees her and is like wow I shouldn't have tried to kill her but Zuko doesn't want to know anything about jet bc #girl boss). also the blue spirit is believed to be a girl and when zuko first heard someone say "oh wow do you not know about the blue spirit? she's like the coolest folk hero ever..." she got really fucking happy but attached it to the fact that that way people wouldn't associate the blue spirit with her (lie).

and this is without going too much into what would happen after she joins the gang (not really sure when that would happen, if in the bbs catacombs or like in canon after going to the FN) but she and Katara would be absolutely besties after the firsts weeks and Katara would be GLAD, even if she tries to not show it, to finally have someone to be girls with (no, she insists that toph doesn't count because she's just as nasty, if not more, as the boys) and Katara would say stuff like omg im going to teach you how to be the perfect girl, and even though it might sound weird bc katara wtym perfect girl, but they are both excited asf and loving the concept so it doesn't matter (they are doing each others hair while shit talking about people)

i would love to know your opinions about what would she change her name to bc, yeah she prefers li over zuko but it's still very much a masculine name to her fire nation ears. so I have a few opinion but in not really sure witch one I like the best: suzume, sao, sakda or kuniko. but I'm open to hear any suggestions tho! and about head canons too, and pretty much anything related to transfem zuko!!!!!

[macgyvermedical]

can you maybe tell us about the history of trans healthcare? I'm writing a trans character in an old west setting and don't know exactly what would be available to her

So this is a really cool question.

There have been (what we would today call) transgender and gender-non-conforming people as far back as we have records that can describe them. Depending on where in the world a person was and what culture they belonged to, being trans or gender-non-conforming may have been something lived openly, or it may have been something more hidden.

This makes it difficult to cover all of trans history in one tumblr post, so I'll focus on 2 things- trans history during the western expansion (the time between 1803 and 1893 across what is now the western USA, often referred to as the "old west" "wild west" or "frontier"), and trans healthcare access as it is recorded in the USA.

So first let's talk a little about trans people on the frontier.

[Trans Woman of the Frontier: Mrs. Nash]

Simply put, there were a lot of them. Or, at least, there were a lot more of them living on the frontier than there were on the east coast. Many accounts tend to be of what we today would call trans men. Earlier, historians often brushed their existence off as a practicality- If a woman wanted a decent-paying job on the range, of course they would change their name, wear men's clothing, and act as a man.

But this doesn't explain the fact that many of them lived their personal lives as men too, often taking wives and continuing to live lives as men even after being arrested multiple times for cross dressing, or after the conclusion of their career. Look up "Harry Allen" if you want a real man's man on the frontier.

In fact, today one of the reasons historians think there were more trans people out west was because news of these arrests often made it back to the east coast. Closeted trans people reading these (often sensationalized) stories were essentially promised a life and future on the frontier with people like them- a life and future they could move and restart easily if they happened to be, you know, arrested for transness.

It also doesn't explain the trans women. While there are fewer records of trans women on the frontier, they did exist. And since women could typically hide more easily assuming they had an understanding husband (or beard), that kind of makes sense. Look up "Mrs. Nash" who worked as a laundress and took 3 husbands over her lifetime. She was only outed as trans upon her death.

Long story short, it would be very historically accurate to have a trans person on the frontier, and while it might have been reasonable to assume they could make a life there, officially transness wasn't particularly well accepted by the establishment.

Trans healthcare on the frontier was unfortunately not really a thing beyond what today we would call social transition- the adoption of new clothing, a new name, and new speech patterns.

This was because the first medical transition care wouldn't occur until 1918 in Germany and wouldn't move to the US until the 1940s, half a century after the frontier was declared closed.

In 1922 the first successful gender-affirming surgery was performed. It was an orchiectomy (removal of the testes) on a woman named Dora Richter in Germany.

In 1931 Dora completed her transition with several more successful surgeries. This was also the year Lili Elbe (of The Danish Girl fame) passed away from infection related to a gender affirming surgery (why did they decide to tell her story instead of Dora's?? Dora literally worked in trans healthcare for most of her career??).

Anyway. In the 1940's Dr. Alfred Kinsey began his study of human sexuality and gender in Indiana, USA. He was the first person to use the term "transsexual", which gave a name to the experience of someone who's gender did not align with their sex assigned at birth.

Hormone therapy in the US was introduced by Dr. Henry Benjamin sometime in the 1950s, along with the first US citizens travelling to Europe to complete gender affirming surgeries. Dr. Benjamin published the first papers on hormone therapy in 1967, prompting the openings of about 40 "gender clinics" throughout the US. Unfortunately, many of these clinics provided gender-affirming care in name only- the larger ones (like the Johns Hopkins Gender Identity Clinic) getting over 100 applications per year for surgical interventions, but providing only about 5-7 per year after a rigorous process of proving one's transgender status.

By the late 1960's and early 1970's, many US trans people were choosing to circumvent the larger medical centers and either going abroad or using smaller specialty clinics that could do surgeries more discreetly and were less interested in the research value of trans people.

In 1979, many of the larger gender clinics shut down after a paper (with very poor methodology) stated that trans people were no better off mentally after transition. This, though awful, sparked Dr. Benjamin to start the organization that would become the World Professional Association for Transgender Health, which publishes the standards by which gender affirming patients are treated today.

After this point, clinics slowly rebuilt. From a low of 2-3 in the mid 1990s to hundreds of clinics open today. The Johns Hopkins' clinic reopened in 2016.

R E F E R E N C E S

[risualto]

So I was talking, like I said, to @bragganhyl earlier about my boy Montgomery, and man...I don't talk enough about the fact that he's bisexual, but especially that he's bisexual in a specific way that makes him probably not very palatable to the internet.

Like. Okay, so here's this boy who was born to a noble house in a society where your worth is determined by magic, and he doesn't have any magic. No natural talent, no trainable skill; he literally cannot do magic no matter how hard he tries. So, because of this, he's become virtually useless to his parents as an heir except maybe as a tool for marriage, which would have to be to a woman (because there are no members of the nobility who are trans in his society--those who are fled for a better life well before feeling safe enough to come out).

Montgomery has one (1) friend growing up. One person in the whole world who is on the level with him in terms of social standing, so not having to navigate systemic power imbalances, and who is around his age, and who still cares about him despite his lack of magic (because the boy doesn't have any, either), and this person is also a boy, named Aesir. They go through everything together--every birthday, every playdate, every outing, every meeting, every lecture from their nursemaids when they get into trouble, even every scolding from their parents because they'll share everything with each other eventually. Montgomery barely has a concept of what romantic love is, but he knows very certainly that Aesir is his person, his best friend, his partner, the person Montgomery always wants at his side.

And then they turn 16, and Aesir commits the ultimate betrayal by making a warlock pact, turning to outside forces to gain magic, without telling Montgomery. He keeps Montgomery completely in the dark, shuts him out, and rips out half the bond they share, because now Aesir can do magic and Montgomery still can't. Because warlock pacts are sacrilege. If Montgomery and Aesir were nothing without magic, now Aesir has made himself the Hells incarnate, and Montgomery doesn't know whether to be in awe of his bravery or to hate him for leaving him behind. So he lashes out and rips what's left of their friendship to shreds as soon as he has the chance, because it'll hurt less than being reminded everyday that now he's not the same as the other half of his soul.

It's not until years later, after Montgomery has met a girl who leans on him as if he could be the pillar of something instead of the dust in the corner, that Montgomery realizes Aesir was his first heartbreak. It's not until he has the words to know that he's falling in love with the woman that girl has become, that he even starts to accept that maybe she's not his first love at all. And in the process of learning to love Lorelei, he learns to love himself enough to accept the place in his heart that belongs to Aesir. Montgomery still asks his friends to help him try to save Aesir from the power that cursed him, when it would be easier and probably safer for the many to simply sacrifice the one. He agonizes over whether he's the one who's betraying his friend by choosing Lorelei, whether it's fair of him to move on from the pain when Aesir is literally being eaten alive by it. He still hides from his friends, and it takes him half a decade to admit that what he felt for Aesir was even in the same vein as what he feels for Lorelei. There is always a part of him ashamed to be as fascinated by the male form as the female one, to know that it wouldn't have mattered at all what Lorelei looked like and he would have fallen for her in the end, regardless.

Montgomery's first love was a boy who he couldn't be with for a dozen reasons that were "more important" than his gender, a boy who broke his heart and who Montgomery moved on from, but ultimately chose to love platonically in the end, and then he married a woman who society would have accepted in the first place for literally all the reasons his first love "shouldn't" have been. He lives most of his life as a symbol of how the old ways of the nobility were wrong, because he becomes their greatest leader without an ounce of magic inside him, but he never brings his sexuality into the public eye. Not once. It definitely keeps him up at night sometimes wondering if he's betrayed his identity by following his heart.

[elvenbeard]

OC INTERVIEW: Vincent "V" Ezaki

Tagged by: @pinkyjulien @chevvy-yates @wraithsoutlaws and @v-eats-bugs thank you so much!!! <3

I'm gonna steal the idea some of you had and let him answer in character, but I'm gonna put some more context (and/or the truth xD) after Vince's reply where I see fit!

Tagging everyone who sees this and hasn't been tagged yet :3c I think most of you have done this at this point, but do please tag me if you do, I wanna read about your blorbos!!

■ NICKNAME ■ "Just 'V'."

100% going with the "only people that know me really well can use my real name" canon, because I love that scene and moment so much (and the lil nod to it again in the Tower Ending with Johnny ;_;). In my hc, Jackie gave him the nickname "V" on the day they met. Up until then he had always insisted on the full "Vincent" with everyone, and Jackie was the one to urge him to be careful with whom he shares his full identity. Meanwhile it's the other way around and "Vincent" is reserved for friends only... and "Vince" exclusively for Kerry really xD

■ GENDER ■ "Could say I'm a self-made man." ;)

This highly depends on who is asking the question here, if it's a very casual setting he'd say the above, if it's something to go into a screamsheet or whatnot he'd be more like "well, take a wild fuckin' guess" or just "male". He doesn't hide the fact he's trans, and he's proud of his journey and identity, but it's still not something he'd want to publically discuss with strangers without anything to gain from it.

■ STAR SIGN ■ "Gemini I think, but I gotta say, astrology isn't exactly something I have deep knowledge or opinions about."

He celebrates his birthday June 10th, but his real birthday in in September, so he's actually a Libra xD

■ HEIGHT ■ "5'6."

■ ORIENTATION ■ "Sorry ladies." ;)

Again, highly contextual on who is asking, and depending on that his answer might be more evasive or he'd just decline to answer. The less details about his private life are in the public's eye the better. But if the context is a fun night out with friends and he feels safe, he'd definitely give a more cheeky response and, to not get anyone's hopes up, just straightforward let them know he's gay.

■ NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY■ "Born and raised in Night City and a proud citizen ever since."

He doesn't talk about his family because he's cut ties with them long ago. His mother, Marcella, was also from Night City, your average NUS citizen with mixed European heritage. His father, Kousuke, was Japanese. He and Vince's mother met through work for a certain corporation that wasn't necessarily welcome in NC at the time (but I bet my ass still very much present in one way or another).

■ FAVE FRUIT ■ "When I was a kid, I once had daifuku with real, straight-from-the-ground strawberries. Somewhere way out there on the Japanese countryside, couldn't tell you where exactly anymore. Still got no idea where they even got the strawberries from, but no RealFruit ever matched those."

■ FAVE SEASON ■ "Don't think I have a real preference here, 'specially cause Night City's warm all year round. I like it that way. Could do with less sandstorms though. I like it when it rains now and then, the steam on the asphalt, everything is just... quieter, in a way."

■ FAVE FLOWER ■ "One made from plastic."

Vince doesn't have a green thumb and no mind to care for plants either. He's far from an outdoorsy, nature-loving person XD Do not gift him flowers, he will not know what to do with them. That being said though: he has two big stylized lotus flowers tattooed. The first one he got shortly before he left his home, when he began his transition. The second after his top surgery, when he already worked for Arasaka, as a reminder to stay true to himself on the inside, especially whenever he couldn't outwardly. He just likes the lotus aesthetically, the shapes and symmetry, and that it symbolizes rebirth and transformation.

■ FAVE SCENT ■ "Clean bedsheets and freshly brewed green tea."

And the odd mix of Kerry's overpriced bodywash and favourite cigarettes XD

■ COFFEE, TEA, HOT CHOCOLATE ■ "Yes, in that order please. Coffee with milk and sugar, tea is fine just plain, green or black."

He's definitely more of a coffee than a tea drinker, and whatever it is, it's gotta be a little fancy xD Vince is the kind of person with a long-ass signature order at the coffee shop, and I 100% see him loving bubble tea in any combination and variation in existence. The only time he drinks his coffee black is when he accidentally orders "the same as him" in a moment of distraction at Caliente's with Kerry. But tea he occasionally likes just plain, but then it has to be high quality organic real tea leaves. Hot chocolate is a nice special treat, too.

■ AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP ■ "Even in my line of work a regular sleep schedule is possible - and necessary, to stay sharp. I try to get my 7 hours of sleep in."

The somewhat regular sleep schedule is really something he values and tries to stick to, although the Relic and Johnny's presence really mess it up for a long while. But especially because his lack of sleep while working at Arasaka contributed to him developing a drug addiction to cope with the stress and sleep-deprivation it's something he doesn't want to fall back into.

■ DOG OR CAT PERSON ■ "Defintiely cats."

■ DREAM TRIP ■ "I'd like to return to Japan one day for a short vacation - see if I can find that daifuku shop again, haha. Would also love to visit Europe more extensively than what I've seen of it so far. And, who knows, maybe the Crystal Palace one day."

And the Phillipines with Kerry <3

■ FAVE FICTIONAL CHARACTER ■ "Ooohhh, that's a hard question, let me think for a moment... [insert long analysis of different movie and video game characters and why they're good or bad and why he likes them or not]"

Evading this a little bit because I don't wanna dive into a rabbit hole of seeing what canonical fictional characters there are and why Vince might like them or not xD He is a big nerd and a gamer and knows so much more than I do XD Also, he'd 100% be the kind of person who's rooting for the evil guys, because often their motivations and goals are much more complex and interesting than the "hero's" in his eyes xD and he's fascinated by the concept that they're doomed to lose by the narrative usually (because the good guys usually win), but still fight tooth and nail to achieve their goals and safe their own skin. He can relate to that a lot more than the selfless goodie-two-shoes who just want to save the world and make it a better place.

■ NUMBER OF BLANKETS THEY SLEEP WITH ■ "In this weather one is more than enough. Sometimes none is better."

■ RANDOM FACT ■ "It takes around 7 seconds for someone to form a solid first impression of you in a face-to-face conversation. It takes my Kiroshis' scanners half as long to additionally supply me with all the data on you I need to permanently ruin your life for good."

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

honestly like I’m so glad I’ve discovered transfem metal sonic stuff bc not only has it explained some of the weird feelings I couldn’t quite describe in how I related to her as a kid (i'm not transfem myself, but i am trans and i definitely projected a lot of that onto her even before I came out) but also like. it genuinely makes so much sense for her as a character.

like, her whole Thing is that she's literally been created for a purpose she cannot fulfil, right? she was made to be a superior sonic, yet she cannot be because she’s made only to destroy, and it’s lead to her having a beyond monomaniacal obsession with sonic to the point it drove her into an extreme psychotic breakdown at one point. and while it’s not explicitly stated, it’s pretty heavily implied she also envies sonic's freedom and his happiness, even though she’s probably not consciously aware of it herself. i mean that’s kind of like the whole point of heroes? she isn’t consciously aware of the True Super Power Of Teamwork and she views everything in terms of conquest and domination, but she cannot really Be sonic without it and it’s something that maddens her because she Can’t consciously understand it bc. mentally she's basically an extremely neglected fifteen year old if that fifteen year old was also a t1000 and allowed to murder people. like she uses big words and stuff but she’s pretty obviously immature no matter how she tries to hide it with her megalomania. again heroes is basically her having a stress induced psychotic breakdown and she’s Very Bad at hiding it.

and her being transfem just feels like it’s really resonant with all that. not only would she be crafted to fill the role of someone she can never be, it’s a role that also causes her discomfort and dysphoria. she's made to be a better, stronger sonic, but sonic is a boy, and she’s not. and his existence is a reminder of the fundamental wrongness she feels from that even if she can’t name it. he's not just offensive for existing because he's organic and disgusting and inferior, but also because he's essentially a living reminder of the fact she feels trapped in an identity that she cannot understand why she hates. yet she also deeply envies his freedom to choose who he wants to be, because that’s something she desperately wants for more than just the whole not being seen as a person thing. sonic is allowed to be sonic, and he defines that. metal is not allowed to be anything else, and the definition is not one she has control over. and the second she chooses how to present herself? she chooses to appear in a form both distinct from sonic and also in a form that, uh, well:

This Is Literally Just A Goth Girl. when metal sonic is able to choose her own appearance, she’s literally just Goth Hedgehog Hatsune Miku. when metal sonic is able for the first time to define herself- to literally be remade anew, hence the “neo” in her name- she chooses to put on a skirt, shapes her body to resemble clothes when we are shown that’s something near-exclusive to female anthromorphic characters, has her quills shaped like long hair, and wears eyeliner. like i know officially her skirt is a cape but like. it’s literally a skirt. literally canonically we know how metal prefers to present herself and it’s femme as shit. obviously you don’t need to be femme to be transfem we love and respect butches in this house but uh. i think a character Struggling With Their Identity finally choosing to present in a way that going by the logic of the series itself is near exclusive to girls, she might in fact be a girl herself.