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holylulusworld · 4 years ago

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Top-Notch Wrestling

Summary: You’ve got no clue how you ended up watching a top-notch wrestling show with the brothers.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Characters: Sam Winchester

Warnings: mentions of characters death, grown child Dean, Top-Notch Wrestling love, fluff

A/N: Inspired by the episode “beyond the mat”

You’ve got no clue how you ended up visiting the burial of an unknown top-notch wrestling dude but here you are, right by your boyfriends’ side while he smiles wildly.

Larry ‘The Hangman’ Lee died, and Dean wanted to check on his ‘mysterious’ death. Which means your boyfriend of five years tries to revive memories from his childhood.

“There’s Wrecking Ball Calhoon. Wow. The Brooklyn Beast? Sammy look, Gunnar Lawless is her too.” Dean freaks out, his eyes shine like he hit the jackpot and you cannot hold back a smile at his enthusiasm.

All you can see are broken wrestler trying to get around with a show which no one wants to see but to Dean, those men and women are icons, a tiny snippet of happy moments with his dad.

“You have to excuse your boyfriend, he’s a groupie…” Sam snickers but you don’t care about your friend’s words. Your man is happy, so you will bear the burial and give him a few peaceful moments.

“Shut up, bitch. Should I go say hi?” Dean suddenly shyly glances around the room until his eyes land on Gunnar Lawless again.

“How about we introduce ourselves, Dean? I bet he would be honored as a fan as you remembers him since childhood.” Nodding Dean grasps for your hand, walking toward the wrestler.

“Hi-uh…” Dean clears his throat, holding out his hand. “I am sorry for your loss. My dad was a huge fan of Larry ‘The Hangman’ Lee. Some of my happiest memories are when I think of your shows.”

Swallowing thickly, you give the man shaking Dean’s hand a thankful smile.

Gunnar smiles while your still star-struck boyfriend enthusiastically shakes his hand.

“That’s a great honor you remember me, son.” Dean’s eyes lit up when Gunnar calls him 'son’ and you gently place one hand onto his shoulder.

“I... I got to tell you. I... worshipped you, growing up. My dad, when he found the time and took a day off…you know from work and all. He loved those shows. I bet he would be honored to meet you, Mr. Lawless.” Dean stammers and you need to blink back the tears.

“Nice to meet you, just call me Gunnar, son. It’s not necessary to call me mister.”

“Dean, Dean Winchester and this lovely lady is my girl, I mean my girlfriend Y/N. She’s not a fan…yet.” Gunnar shakes your hand, smiling at you.

“You’ve got yourself a great fan, sweetie. Don’t let him go.”

“I plan on keeping that man.”

While Dean talks about his first breaking and entering to borrow some family’s pay-per-view to watch a match with Gunnar you let your eyes drift toward Sam who stares at a woman.

He seems to notice someone familiar on the other side of the room and you assume, it’s Rio, the woman he was talking about on your way to the burial.

“I think Sam just met his icon too, Dean.” Pointing toward Sam who is awestruck when Rio turns to look at him you giggle.

You can hear Sam stutter awkwardly when he tells Rio she was his first crush. Your eyes round hearing the woman ask if Sam had a poster of her above his bed.

“He had one, I swear, sweetheart. The boy’s eyes were glued to his crush for at least two or three years.” Dean whispers and you watch Sam smiling slightly embarrassed, hiding he had one of the posters.

“Why did we come here?” Looking around the hall you sigh deeply. Dean and Sam talked you into watching a top-notch match.

Inside the hall, Rio is announcing the wrestling match. You don’t hear the names of the wrestler, too busy to check on the information about ‘The Hangman’s’ death.

The boys chose to take seats in the front row, beers in hand, they are laughing, excited to be there while you hope the show will be over soon.

Watching a man enter the hall with his son you wonder why a father would bring his kid to such a place. The boy seems to be excited so it should be alright, still, you would not want your kid to see violence, even faked violence, at such a young age.

“Got to love some wrestling, am I right?” The man grins and Dean nods. “Beer’s cheap, food too, my son’s entertained... parenting.”

Humming you try to concentrate on the file on your iPad and not the A+ parenting of that guy.

“That brings me back.” Sam huffs and you can see Dean’s face fall. “Can you not try to ruin one of the nicest things dad ever did for us, please?”

The audience is screaming for the wrestler, including Dean. When Gunnar punches his chest, raising his fists in the air. Dean gets up, just like the few other people in the hall so you shut off your iPad to get up too.

“Yeah!” Dean smiles, taking your hand. “Hey, get up, Sammy.” Sam, who still sat on his chair reluctantly gets up.

The wrestling match begins after what feels like ages and you can finally sit back down to check on the autopsy report.

Sam and Dean are cheering, looking happy for the first time in weeks. Your eyes glued to the brothers you don’t follow the match.

You can see the happiness on your boyfriend’s face, and you chuckle as he jumps out of his seat, cheering for Gunnar.

Sam gets up laughing next to his brother, smiling wildly as the crowd celebrates Gunnar’s move. While you clap your hands, smiling at Dean, you hear sirens outside – never a good sign…

“Another death.” Sighing you walk back into the hall to tell Dean the father got killed.

Your eyes round and you must hold back a chuckle when your boyfriend rolls into the ring. He bounces back and forth off the ropes, rolling into the ring again and again.

Smiling he struts across the floor, cheering for a crowd, or rather empty seats. He climbs onto the ropes, raising his hands like a victor.

“You could always have a new career.” Smirking you watch Dean jump off the ropes, awkwardly clearing his throat. “You’re moves were not that bad.”

“What’d you find out?” Changing the subject Dean rolls through the ropes, to leave the ring. “Sweetheart?”

“According to the paramedics, the father of the boy two rows behind us got killed. Looks like he lost a fight with a knife. There are marks on his back. Sounds like a job for us, Dean…”

“Here we go again…” Dean wraps his arm around your waist, looking at the ring one last time. “All good things come to an end, I guess…”

SPN Forever Tags

@donnaintx

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--------------------------------------

Dean/Jensen Forever Tags

@spnfamily-j2

@supernatural-bellawinchester

@negans-lucille-tblr

@deans-baby-momma

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A/N: If your name is crossed out Tumblr won’t let me tag you.

#dean winchester #dean winchester x you #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester SPN #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #dean x you #Sam Winchester

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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955

Survey by dumpweed2maniac

How did it feel outside today? I don’t know. I haven’t stepped outside and don’t have plans to until later in the afternoon when I’ll have to take the dogs out. I’m not sweating at the moment so I’m guessing it’s just a little cold, but I won’t be surprised if it’ll turn humid later on in the day.

Who did you last text? Angela.

Are there any animals in the room with you? Kimi. He’s in his favorite spot, under my bed.

Do you like the color of your eyes? I’m not complaining; brown’s not too bad but it’s also not like I had the choice to pick what color it would be.

When you watch T.V. what are you usually watching? I only ever watch the evening news on actual TVs anymore. On my laptop, I tune in to Netflix only occasionally so I don’t have any usual programs on there.

Can you open up to others easily? No, unless they ask the right questions or unless I’m with someone I’m close to. But generally, I’m not comfortable with the idea of being in the spotlight and people listening to me open up.

Are you one of those girls who already have baby names picked out? Hahaha, yeah. It could always change by the time I actually have a kid though. I just have the current ones picked out because I think they sound beautiful.

Elaborate about the drunkest you've ever been? No thanks. The only crazy detail I’m giving out from it is that I nearly fell asleep in a pool, but otherwise I regret the person I was that night looooool.

Is there anything that you think is just simply beautiful? I always feel my calmest with the sea.

Is there a friend of the opposite sex you can confide in? No. Not that I feel comfortable confiding in guys anyway. I don’t have close friends that are male.

How did you spend yesterday afternoon? Took a nap, had GMM keep me company, tried not to cry, ate Oreos.

Are any of your siblings taller than you? They both are, haha. I’m the smallest member of the family and I’m the eldest child :(

Do you think anyone hates you? It’s always possible. I wouldn’t know for what, though.

Is anyone angry with you at the moment? I don’t know why anyone would have a reason to be. I’ve done nothing but be emotional in the last few weeks lol.

Who's in the room with you right now? I’m alone now. I let Kimi out a few minutes ago.

Ever did something you regret while under the influence? Spend most of my money, which I tend to do. I always jokingly hand my wallet to my friends when we start drinking because I often end up buying expensive food loooooool. It’s never even drunk online shopping or whatever – I always flock to food, whether it’s food from the bar itself or at a nearby food stall or a Korean barbecue joint.

What car would you like to have, but know it's way out of your reach? A Mini Countryman or Clubman. That would be a nice big purchase once I’ve earned enough to get my own car.

What religion were you raised on? Do you agree with those beliefs? I was raised Catholic. I agree with most of its big tenets like the golden rule and not stealing or cheating, because I feel like those things are part of common sense too and me believing in those is more a matter of me wanting to be a nice person than me agreeing with Catholicism. I don’t believe in everything else such as their scriptures and the stories inside, and I don’t agree with their stances.

Would you say that you’re flexible? Not anymore. I can’t reach for my toes while standing or sitting without pain and discomfort shooting up my legs.

Keep the peace or finish out the fight to prove your side? I like getting all my arguments out but I have no problem agreeing to disagree in the end. Generally I just like being given the space to talk during a fight.

Do you believe in giving second chances? No, for the most part.

Can people really change? Yes. I know some can be stubborn or resistant to change (like me), but it’s wrong to rule out change for every single person.

Has anyone ever told you they loved you, but you didn't believe them? Yes.

What's one of the worst experiences you've had so far? I really don’t like what I’m going through right now. I’d say this entire month is in the running for worst experiences in my life ever, which is saying so much.

Can anyone be described in one word? Sure, but I don’t think doing so would ever give 100% accuracy. There are many different sides to a person.

When did you last have a nightmare? This morning.

Do you sleep good? Not these days. My sleep is shallow at best and when it isn’t, I tend to have nightmares.

What are you thinking about right now? How today is exactly a year since Nacho died. I wish I can visit him but I have work. Nevertheless, I’m thinking of him today. Life really hasn’t been the same since.

Last person you spoke to, what did you say? My sister; I asked if I can borrow her earbuds for a meeting I had this morning.

Is there anyone in this world you would do absolutely anything for? Yeah.

Is there any certain thing you’re always thinking about? Yep, welcome to my head. Always running. And not on happy things either.

Do you have any other tabs open right now? What for? Multiple ones, because I’m in the middle of a workday. There’s a couple of Google Slides, several Google Sheets, Gmail, and a lot of news articles open for the research they’re making me do.

Are you hot or cold? Or neither? I’m neither, which is all right with me.

Rich and miserable, or poor and happy? Rich and miserable, duh. Idk, I like being able to afford things. I can’t see myself being miserable living that life.

What's one of the weirdest things you believed in as a kid? That any girl who gets married automatically gets pregnant. Like you didn’t have to do anything; weddings would simply produce a baby haha.

What's your favorite type of weather? Chilly, windy thunderstorms.

Do little kids and toddlers get on your nerves? If they are rude, watch stuff on their iPad on the highest volume setting, or run around and knock down furniture, yes.

What's the goriest thing you've ever seen? There are certain bloody wrestling matches that come to mind.

Have you or do you attend pep rallies regularly? Not really.

What’s the name of the city you live in? I don’t feel like disclosing it.

Is anyone getting on your nerves right now? A little bit, yep.

Are you good at coping with stressful situations? It’s a hit or miss. Sometimes I’m great, but sometimes the stress can get to me too.

Time? 1:13 PM.

Do you really think Lil Wayne is the greatest rapper alive? I never thought that.

Have you ever seen a building on fire in real life? I don’t think so. I’ve heard of buildings being on fire and then see the big clouds of smoke from my house, but I’ve never seen an actual building burning down yet.

How many weddings have you been to? Probably less than 10. It’s only my parents who tend to get invited.

Have you kissed anyone and their first name started with an F, D, or L? No.

#survey #surveys

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johnsbleu · 5 years ago

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Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 58

warnings: nsfw for a moment Hold My Hand Masterlist

John is on his way from work, and you’re currently running around the house as you try to get it cleaned up quickly. He’s only been gone for two days, but you’re surprised by how messy you can be when he’s not around.

You’ve finished your bedroom, bathroom, and the living room, but now it’s time to move on to the kitchen, and you know the mess is pretty bad in there. You’ve let the dishes pile up in the sink despite the fact that you have a dishwasher, and when you head into the kitchen, you immediately cover your nose to mask the smell.

“Oh, my god. You’re such a pig.” you say to yourself and walk over to turn on the wax burner, hoping the smell of warm vanilla will waft through the house before John is home. You turn around to see Bleu sitting next to his bowl, staring at you, “I know, I know, I’m going. I’m getting your food right now, baby.”

Bleu’s nails click on the floor as he follows you around the kitchen, and he wags his tail fast when you look down at him and smile. Whenever John is away, Bleu is stuck to your side. It’s been that way since day one. He’s very loyal and very protective, which was on full display at Tess’ wedding.

“Daddy is going to be home soon.” you say as he tilts his head. Every time you talk to him, he tilts his head and it’s damn cute, you must admit. You lean down and pat the top of his head, “Daddy and momma are going to have a baby, what are your thoughts?”

Bleu takes a step forward and whimpers as he sniffs his bowl, waiting for his food. He huffs a little and looks up at you again.

“Not ready for that talk I see. Totally understandable, the first born is usually a little jealous at first. We’ll talk about this at a later date. I’m not pregnant, so we have plenty of time.” As soon as you pour his food into his bowl, he begins chowing down. You look at the sink and sigh loudly, “Guess it’s time to clean this mess. John would be so disappointed.”

Just as you finish filling the dishwasher with dishes, you hear your iPad ringing in the living room, and you kick the dishwasher closed with your foot. You find your iPad sitting on top of a neatly stacked pile of magazines, and seeing that it’s John calling to FaceTime, you plop down on the couch.

“Hi!” you say excitedly, trying to brush your hair out of your face and make yourself presentable.

“Oh, you look cute today.” he says, and you blush a little. “Are…are you wearing overalls?”

“Yeah!” you stand up and point at your legs, “And they’re overall shorts -- even better!”

“I’m on my way home, I just stopped by Aurelio’s.” he says and smiles wide, “I’m gonna see you so soon.”

“I’ll be at Tess’, they’re moving in the rest of their stuff today. I was just picking up the house a little, then I’m heading over there.”

“You made a mess?” he asks, laughing. “Already? Baby, I was gone for two days.”

“Two very long days. Anyway,” you laugh, trying to change the subject and you pull your knee to your chest to rest your chin on it, “I can tell that’s not your car, so how bad is it?”

John starts to laugh, “It’s pretty bad. I was able to drive it, so that’s good. We’ll have to go pick it up in a few days, but until then he’s letting me borrow a car until ours is fixed.”

“Okay.” you say quietly and start to laugh, “I don’t want you to buy me a new car, I know you’re about to suggest it. I can see that look on your face.”

“I’m just going to say that I’m willing to buy one for you. Seriously, it’s nothing. We can get you a nice car that’s safe, maybe an SUV, something good for kids.”

You catch John smiling and you shake your head, “I know I need one, and I could totally afford one now, but I just really love you driving me everywhere.”

“I love driving you everywhere, I really don’t mind it.” he smiles, and you start to laugh again. “I’ll be home in a little bit, I love you and I can’t wait to see you.”

“I love you.” you say and blow a kiss to John as you hang up.

Walking with Bleu across the street, you laugh to yourself at how weird it is to think that this is now Jimmy and Tess’ house. Sure, it was always Tess’ house anyway since she lived here already, but now she really gets to do whatever the hell she wants with it. April’s parents gave her the okay to do whatever she wants. You know she’s probably already been begging Jimmy to get a pool for a few weeks now.

“Hello?” you say, opening the door and Bleu rushes past to greet Sadie.

“Hey!” Tess says, but her voice is quiet. “I’m in the pantry.”

You walk through the empty living room and take a moment to reminisce when you hear Tess grunt as she walks into the kitchen. The counters are full of grocery bags, and she’s holding a bag of oranges in her hand. “Weird, isn’t it? Seeing the house so empty?”

“Yeah,” you laugh as you look around, “I’m so used to looking over and seeing a stack of magazines and coffee cups on the table.”

“Yeah, when I went into my old room, I found a t-shirt tucked in the back of the closet. I had totally forgot about it.” she says, taking the groceries from the bag.

“Oh, I’m sure I’ve left some stuff here too.” you say and help Tess put away the groceries, “Same spots as always?”

“Yeah, I’m so used to the cups being in this cupboard, there’s no way I can change it. Sorry there’s nowhere to sit. We bought a nice new couch and chair, but Jimmy was going to wait for John to get home to help.” Tess looks up at you and widens her eyes, “Please tell me he’s still coming home.”

“He’s still coming home.” you laugh and start to unpack a box of plates. “So, how is it going?”

“Really good, actually. We just have the bed and furniture to move, so when John gets here, it’s just the big stuff to move.” she says and sits next to you on the floor. “We’re so excited to sleep here tonight. Obviously you and I lived here, but without all of April’s stuff, it’s weird, it feels like a brand new house.”

“That’s good though. And it’ll feel even more like your home when you get your pictures up. I remember when I moved in with John, it didn’t feel like my home until we had our pictures around. Now I just buy all kinds of shit, random pillows and flowers, and John, for some reason, just lets me.”

“How is John?” she asks and lays down as she rubs her stomach, “He’s been gone for two days, right? All my days are starting to blur.”

“Yeah, just two days. Quick in and out. I just talked to him before I came over, he’s already on his way home. He was just in the city anyway.”

“Quick in and out.” Tess closes her eyes and laughs, “That shouldn’t be hot, but it is.”

“Trust me, I know.” you say and hear the brakes of a vehicle squeaking out front. You stretch up to see Jimmy hopping out of a moving van. He pulls a bag out from the passengers side and heads for the door.

“Hey, babe. I bought some sandwiches.” he says and smiles when he sees you, “Hey, want a sandwich?”

“I’d love one, thanks.” you smile.

“How are you? I feel like I haven’t seen you in a few days, I’ve been moving all this shit for three days now.” Jimmy says, taking a big bite of his sandwich.

You take a bite of yours and nod, “I’m good. Just been hanging out around the house, really. I planted some flowers so the backyard looks so colorful and nice, perfect for when we have you two over to swim.”

“Oh, my god, yes, I want to go swimming so bad.” Tess says and leans her back against Jimmy’s to support her weight. “I mean, I could be swimming right now. If we had a pool.”

Jimmy shakes his head and laughs as he looks at you, “John home yet?”

“No, should be home soon though.” you say, and when you hear a car’s engine in front of the house, you perk up. “Wow.”

“On cue.” he laughs.

You quickly wipe your mouth off with your napkin and hop up from the floor, heading for the door.

John groans as he gets out of the car, and you feel your knees buckle when the sun shines on his face. Another job down, and it seems like he’s not injured since he’s walking fine. He slides his keys into his pocket, then he fixes his jeans and shirt. His dark blue shirt is tight on his biceps, and you bite your lip as you watch him. As soon as John sees you, he freezes in place and stares at you as a smile spreads across his face.

You stop walking down the walk way and laugh, “Why are you just standing there?”

He widens his legs and kneels down a little, preparing to catch you when you jump into his arms, and you quickly run up to John.

“Hi, hi, hi!” you say, jumping into his arms and wrapping your legs around his waist.

“Oh, I missed you.” he exhales, hugging you tight to his chest. “I missed you so much.”

You pull back to look at John and laugh, “It was two days.”

“Two very long days,” he says, still holding you and walking to the front door. He leans forward to kiss you, and your eyes slowly shut as he pushes his tongue in your mouth. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too. Sad we didn’t get to FaceTime while you were gone.”

“Me, too.” John pushes your hair out of your face and smiles, “Did you get more beautiful while I was gone? Because I think you did. I didn’t know it was possible, but I’m fairly certain you did.”

Your cheeks begin to burn and you hide your face in the crook of his neck as he laughs. As soon as he opens the door, you hop down and are replaced by Bleu. He stands on his hind legs and leans up to lick John’s cheek.

“He missed you.”

“Hey, John.” Jimmy calls from the living room, and you see him laying flat on his back with Tess using his stomach to prop herself up a little.

“Hey,” John laughs, and you hand him your unfinished sandwich to eat as you both sit on the floor. “How is the moving coming along? Tiring, I see.”

“Pretty good, we just have the big stuff now.” Tess grunts as she sits up. She gasps and tries her hardest to get up from the floor, “I can’t get up. James, I can’t get up.”

“Yes, you can.” you laugh and shake your head, “You’re not even that pregnant.”

“She’s been doing this for weeks,” Jimmy says with his mouth full of food, “She thinks I haven’t noticed, but I have.”

“Thank you so much.” Tess says to you and gets off the floor easily. “Just for that, I shouldn’t show you the wedding pictures.”

“You finally got them?” you kneel on the floor and look over at John, smiling when you see he’s got a little bit of mustard on his chin. You hand him a napkin and laugh, “You’re a mess.”

“Yes, I got them, and they’re amazing.” Tess grabs her a large folder from the counter and hands it to you, “These are all for you.”

You take the folder from Tess and pull out the photos, gasping when you see the first one: you, your mom, and Tess. “This is so cute, mom looks beautiful.”

“That’s a really good picture.” John says, scooting closer to look at the picture with you, “You three look very pretty.”

“I think I’m going to get a nice canvas of it for mom. Do you think she’d like that?” Tess asks.

“Are you kidding? She’d love it.” you laugh and shuffle through more pictures, “Tess, you really looked beautiful. You always do, but you looked so happy this night.”

“Yeah, I was.” she jokes and sticks her tongue out at Jimmy, then leans over to kiss him. “The next one I believe is the four of us.”

You look at the next picture and laugh. John has you tucked into his left side and his hand is nearly on your ass. His hair is still combed back, so it was obviously before the whole fiasco with Matt. He has his right arm around Jimmy’s shoulder, and the four are smiling wide. You look like a happy little family.

John takes a longer look at the picture, then presses a kiss to your temple. “Definitely going to frame that one.”

“Oh…my god.” you gasp and hold up the next picture to show John, “Look at this.”

It’s a picture of you and John holding Harper as you danced with her. He’s holding Harper tight and his arm is wrapped around your waist as the two of you look at Harper, smiling wide.

“Yeah, I figured you’d like that one.” Tess says, watching John as he takes the picture from you.

John looks at the picture and starts to laugh, “Look at her face, she’s got the biggest cheeks.”

“She does.” you say and pull out another picture: John kissing your forehead and your eyes are closed as you smile. “This was when the photographer asked to take our picture.”

“Oh, yeah.” John says quietly and smiles when you look at him. He takes another picture from you and laughs, “You look so happy, mouse.”

Tess grabs a framed picture off the counter and hands it to John, “This is just for you. We had it framed.”

“Oh, you’re going to love this one.” Jimmy smiles.

You look at both Tess and Jimmy, then back to John as he looks at the picture. A smile spreads across John’s face and he cover his mouth as he laughs. He uses the back of his hand to wipe away a tear in his eye and he looks over at you, “You’re so beautiful.”

“What picture is that?” you try to reach for it, but John moves it out of your reach and kisses you instead. You tackle John to the ground as Jimmy and Tess laugh, and you crawl on top of John to straddle him. “Give me the damn picture, John.”

He turns the picture for you to see and you laugh as you take it from him. The sun is shining, so it’s giving you a warm orange glow, and you’re laughing at something off camera. You don’t even remember the photographer taking the picture, but you have to admit, you look pretty good. You look happy.

“Okay, but it’s just me. Literally just me sitting there. What’s so special about that?”

John sits up and wraps his arms around you, “Look how happy you are. You look so beautiful.”

“You two should get married.” Jimmy says, and Tess slaps his chest. “What? I’m just saying that they should get married.

“Shut up, James!” she says, giving him a dirty look.

“Well, tell that to him. I literally proposed to him and he ignored me.” you crawl off of John and stand up, reaching down to help John to his feet.

“Yeah, I totally ignored her.” John laughs and looks at Jimmy, “Should we move some stuff?”

You point at John and look at Tess, “See?”

John and Jimmy moved the furniture in just under two hours, and you and Tess sat back watching them as they argued over how to get the couch through the front door. You offered to help several times, and every time, John told you not to help.

Jimmy points to the empty bedroom down the hall and squints his eyes, trying to remember, “This…will be the playroom? I think that’s what we decided.”

“Yup.” Tess nods and points at the rooms, “Playroom, and then this room will be the guest bedroom since it has the bathroom in it. Anytime you two are fighting, there will be a bed waiting for you, John.”

John laughs, “Thanks, but I don’t think we really need to worry about that.”

You cock up your eyebrow, “You literally stayed with them a few weeks ago.”

John grabs you by your shoulders and pulls you into his arms, “Big mistake.”

“Anyway, we thought that since our room is upstairs, the baby should be close to us.” Tess says as you all file behind her up the stairs, “There’s three rooms up here, we have the master,” she points at the room in front of you and smiles, “This will be the office, and then we thought…”

“The baby should go in my old room?” you say as Tess pushes open the door. “Oh, my god.”

You cover your mouth with your hand and feel tears pricking your eyes. The room is full of baby stuff, and there’s a large rug on the floor with baby animals on it. A crib is against the wall on the left where your bed used to be and the changing table is to the right of the door where your desk once sat. In the far corner is a nice rocking chair and Tess immediately sits down in it.

“Terrible idea, I know, the staircase is right there.” Jimmy says, leaning against the door frame, “But before Tess is due, we’re planning on getting the staircase fixed, just to update it a little, some of the stairs are a bit rickety. And we’ll get a baby gate for sure.”

“We’ll have to paint in here, of course. We’re going for an animal theme, obviously.” she says, holding up a shelf that has animals painted on it.

“We got so excited the other day and just started fixing up the room. We don’t even have a picture hanging up in our room yet.” Jimmy laughs.

Tess points above the crib and smiles, “We’ll have his name painted above the bed.”

“Uh, Finny James?” you look at Tess carefully, and she smiles as she begins to tear up.

“Yeah, Finn.” she nods and starts to smile even wider, “We just found out yesterday.”

You kneel in front of Tess and rub her belly, “Finny James, I can’t wait to meet you.”

“I still hate that.” Tess laughs.

You look over your shoulder to see John and Jimmy talking in the hallway, and you wonder to yourself what they could be talking about in secret. John feels you looking and starts to smile as he looks at you.

“So, how did Jimmy react?”

“Well, funny story…” she laughs as John and Jimmy come back in the room, “Uh, the doctor literally told us that we were having a girl, then she said a boy.”

“I thought that meant twins.” Jimmy laughs, leaning against the crib.

“He started crying.” Tess smiles.

“Yeah, imagine us with twins, Tess. Horrible.” he jokes.

“Our doctor was so sweet, I couldn’t even be mad.” Tess says, getting out of the chair. “She apologized over and over, she was so worried we were going to sue her or something.”

“We would have cried no matter what.” Jimmy rubs Tess’ belly and smiles, “He’s happy and healthy in there, so that’s what matters.”

“Oh! There’s a box of your stuff in the corner, you must have forgotten to pack some stuff when you moved out.” Tess says and points to a medium brown box in the corner, “And don’t worry about all your books, we can keep them here until you’re ready to move them.”

As Jimmy and Tess leave the room, you feel John’s arms wrap around your waist. He leans close to your ear and lets out a small breath, “What are you thinkin’?”

“It’s so weird that my old room is their nursery,” you tilt your head back to look at John and smile, “Kinda puts things into perspective.”

John’s eyes dart over your face and he leans in closer, “What does that mean?”

You start to laugh when his hands move to your stomach, and you push them back to your waist, “It means that our lives are going to change in a few months. Tess and Jimmy are going to be parents, and we get to be the cool aunt and uncle who spoils their nephew rotten.”

“Oh,” he lets go of you and grabs the box of your stuff from the floor, “Yeah, that’s true.”

You slowly walk towards John and smile, “And then who knows, maybe we’ll have a baby of our own that we can spoil not long after.”

John puts the box back on the floor and pulls you into his arms, kissing you hard on the lips. “Maybe we should go home.”

“Yeah, maybe.” you say, in between kisses.

“Are you two really making out in my baby’s bedroom?” Jimmy says from the hallway, and you immediately move away from John as you two laugh.

“Sorry, couldn’t help it.” you laugh.

When you get back downstairs, Tess is trying to figure out where she wants to put a lamp and you sit down on the couch to look through your box of things you left behind. A few shirts, your favorite teddy bear that you’ve had since you were four, and one of John’s dress shirts he left after staying the night at your house.

“I completely forgot about this shirt.” he says, holding it up and looking it over. “You’ve always been a shirt thief.”

“Oh, my god.” you gasp, pulling out John’s card he gave you on your first date, and you hold it to your heart, “I thought I put this in my wallet, and then I thought I lost it.”

“I can’t believe you kept that.” John says, leaning over the couch to look at it, “That’s very sweet of you.”

“Oh, man.” you laugh and hold up a diary, “My diary.”

“You kept a diary?” John laughs and sits down next to you.

“I did. I have a lot of thoughts, you know?” you say and hold it away from John when he tries to reach for it.

“Read it.” he smiles.

“Oh, absolutely not.”

John leans closer to you and whispers in your ear, “Did you write about me?”

“Probably.” you laugh and open it to a random page. You scan through the pages, trying to find John’s name and you gasp when you see Matt’s instead. “Oh, I wrote about my date with Matt in here.”

“Oh shit, I forgot about that. April was an idiot, by the way. I never would have suggested that you go out with him.” Tess says, nudging John’s shoulder before she sits down. “See, this is why I’m her sister.”

“And this is why you’re my favorite.” John says and playfully taps Tess’ leg.

“Hey, I, uh, actually have news about Matt.” Jimmy says, looking at you and John carefully. “He came in to…press charges.”

“I knew it, I knew he was going to do this.” you sigh and look at John.

John shrugs nonchalantly and leans back against the couch, and he looks completely relaxed, “Okay. Is this a heads up?”

“No,” Jimmy shakes his head and leans his elbows on his knees, “He didn’t make it that far. He’s not pressing charges.”

Tess shifts in her seat and looks at you and John, then over at Jimmy, “So, what happened?”

“Well, the night of our wedding when everything happened, I didn’t know who Matt was. I had only heard about him from John, but I hadn’t seen him.”

Tess shakes her head, “But you did. He was at our barbecue.”

You laugh, “Which you invited him to!”

She widens her eyes and grimaces, “Yikes! I did, didn’t I? My bad.”

“April invited John, and it was the worst day of my life.” you point at the kitchen and laugh, “I was sitting over there with John and I told him that we needed to talk. I was going to tell him that I thought we needed a longer break, but I hoped that if he realized that I wasn’t going to talk to him, he would finally tell me what was going on. But instead Matt came in and interrupted us. I sat between the two of them and could literally feel the tension. Matt grabbed my hand and John just…stormed out. Slammed the door and everything.”

John reaches for your hand and presses a kiss to it, “Yeah, I didn’t like him.”

“Can’t deny how good that felt though. Knowing that you were in love with me and that you were so upset. Boosted my ego a little, I won’t lie.” you look at John and smile, “Sorry.”

John wraps both his arms around you and kisses your cheek, “Killed me seeing you with that guy.”

You sit back up and pat John’s cheek, “Then I told Matt that nothing was going to happen between us, and even Matt knew that John is in love with me.”

“Everyone knows.” Tess says and smiles at John.

“So I’m the only one who didn’t meet this guy?” Jimmy shakes his head and clasps his hands tight, “Anyway, on the night of our wedding after John, Aurelio, and I took him out front…”

“And beat the shit out of him.” you add.

“No, that was just John.” he laughs, then leans back in his chair.

John looks over at you, and he starts to smile when your eyes meet, then he playfully shrugs. He’s so proud of himself. Hell, you’re proud of him too. He did exactly what he always said he would: he protected you.

You shake your head and let out a small laugh, “God.”

“After he got the blood cleaned off his face, I recognized him.” Jimmy takes a deep breath and sighs as he looks back and forth between you and Tess, “I promised John I wouldn’t say anything to you that night. To either of you.”

“I understand.” you say, giving Jimmy a small smile.

“Matt has done this several times with women in Mill Neck. He meets them, comes off as a nice guy, might even take them out on a date or two. But…he’s a bit…”

“A bit of a stalker?” Tess asks, and Jimmy nods.

“Yeah, well, we couldn’t do much when someone would say that they ran into him at their work, or at the grocery store. He always made sure to run into them to at a public place so they couldn’t do anything about it, and so…” Jimmy shrugs as he sighs, “We swept it all under the rug.”

John reaches for your hand, then presses a kiss to your cheek, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” you nod and exhale, “I’m just…”

Jimmy moves from the chair to kneel in front of you and he reaches for your hand, “We failed you.”

“You didn’t.” you laugh and shake your head, “Don’t be dramatic.”

“We did. We should have listened more when these women came in and told us, but we didn’t and look what happened.”

“I’m fine!” you cup Jimmy’s face and kiss his forehead, “I’m fine. If anything…more happened with these other women, that’s what you need to focus on. Not me.”

“What about the shit that happened to her? The picture, the brick, John’s house?” Tess asks and reaches for your hand.

“It was definitely him.” John says, and you look over at him in shock. “You knew that. You’re a lot smarter than you think. You figured it out.”

“I…” you shake your head and shift to face John, “You told me that you looked into him and you didn’t find anything.”

“We did look into him...” he says, looking at Jimmy, “And we didn’t find anything. You heard Jimmy. No one turned him in.”

“Yeah, but you’re…”

John laughs, “Yeah, I’m John Wick. Doesn’t matter, we didn’t find anything.”

“A parking ticket from a few years ago.” you say and look up at John, “I remember our talk from Christmas. You told me you didn’t know who was doing that stuff.”

John shrugs, looking away from you, “I couldn’t be certain, so I didn’t tell you. I needed…proof that it was him, then nothing ever happened again so I didn’t want to bring it all up and scare you. We were finally good again.”

“Okay, okay, okay.” you scoot a little closer to John and nod, “Okay, I get it. It’s fine.”

“What a fucking asshole.” Tess says under her breath, and you all look over at her. She gasps and shakes her head, “Matt, not John. Duh.”

You sit back on the couch and try to absorb everything you’ve just found out, “So Matt was the reason John and I got into a…huge fight. A huge fight that nearly ended us. I mean…that picture thing was probably one of our biggest fights. Well, actually…the whole baby thing was, but we’re past that!”

“The picture thing?” Jimmy asks, looking back and forth between you and John.

Tess leans over and talks out of the side of her mouth, “A scribbled out picture of Helen was in her car, remember?”

“Oh, right. Yeah, I remember that.” Jimmy nods. “How did he even get a picture of her?”

“Town Hall, I’m assuming.” John says, and you look over at him again, “Her picture was there because she did a lot of the photography for Mill Neck.”

You shiver with disgust, and even though you’re completely safe and Matt is no where to be found, you still scoot a little closer to John for protection. John notices you fidgeting with your bracelet and he reaches for your hands, rubbing his thumbs over the back of them.

John wraps his arm around your shoulder and pulls you closer, “You’re okay.”

“I’m sorry.” you exhale and look at him, “That was just…a bad time for us, and to know that those fights we got into were basically my fault. Matt did this shit because of me.”

Tess taps your shoulder and you look over at her. “Don’t blame yourself. He’s…fucking dumb. He barely even knew you. He thought that if he threw obstacles in the way that you’d end up leaving John, and then he could have you. But that’s not your fault. He clearly has some things that he needs to work through.”

“Well, if he was trying to get me to leave John, he did a terrible job.” you laugh, squeezing John’s hand, “Because John’s house started on fire, then we got the brick, and once I got the brick, Jimmy came over and told me where John was. I found John, he told me everything, some other shit happened, but whatever, and now we’re here. So if anything he actually helped John and I. He helped push us back together.”

“And now you’re stronger than ever.” Jimmy says, and Tess gags.

She rolls her eyes, “Okay, never mind, that was super sweet, James.”

“I actually think when he found out that nothing was going to stop the two of you from being together, he backed out. Until our wedding, of course, I think he was just super drunk…” Jimmy shrugs, and you can tell he still feels bad.

Tess reaches out and pats his cheek to comfort him a little. “Babe, it’s okay.”

John sits up on the couch a little and looks at Jimmy, “Did Tess tell you that Matt showed up when the two of them were out for lunch a few weeks ago?”

“No.” Jimmy shakes his head, then looks at Tess, “You didn’t tell me that.”

“Thank you, John.” Tess says, giving him a blank stare. She looks at Jimmy and shrugs, “Yeah, I don’t know, doesn’t matter. He just showed up and gave me flowers to apologize for the incident at the wedding.”

Jimmy looks at you and you shrug, not knowing what to say. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, “On Monday, you are going with me to the station. We’re getting a restraining order filed.”

“Babe, it wasn’t a big deal. I think we scared him off, to be honest.”

“Tess! Don’t fight me on this.” Jimmy says, and you freeze a little when he raises his voice a little.

You look over at John and widen your eyes a little, and the look in his eye lets you know he’s thinking about you getting a restraining order as well. You look over at Tess and pat her leg, “Tess, it’s probably in your best interest. Finn will be here soon, you don’t want to take any chances. If it makes you feel any better, I’ll go with you. I’ll get one too.”

“Thank God.” John exhales and rubs your back.

“We’re just looking out for you two, okay? You’re our girls.” Jimmy says, pulling Tess into his lap. “We want you two to be safe.”

“Tess really did go off on him though. You’d have been damn proud of her, Jimmy.”

“I bet she did.” he smiles, rubbing his thumb against her cheek, “He was probably on the verge of tears when Tess was finished with him.”

The two of them begin to kiss and you shift to face John, “Should we head home? I want to show you the flowers I planted in the backyard.”

John leans back and nods, “Yeah.”

Walking hand in hand with John around the backyard, he gasps loudly and walks over to the small vegetable garden. He lets go of your hand and kneels down next to a small plant and pulls a green leaf off it, then offers it to you.

“Spinach.” he says, and you reluctantly take it from him. He takes a piece for himself and when he swallows it, you finally eat your piece. “That’s good.”

“Hmm…” you nod and shrug, “Not a huge fan of spinach, but it’s pretty good. I’m super excited for these carrots and tomatoes though. Look at them!”

John spots the small green tomatoes and smiles, “Those are going to be so good.”

The day before he left, you went to the garden shop and bought a ton of flowers, wanting to give the backyard a little color. John was so helpful, and he even picked out several kind that he thought would look nice in the yard.

He spots the garden gnomes he picked out and laughs as you sit down on the patio, “I see the kissing gnomes.”

“Yeah, they’re tucked in the back there.”

He grabs the gnomes and moves them closer to the front of the garden, “They need to be seen.”

“Okay.” you laugh and watch John look at all of the flowers, “So, I just planted everything that we bought before you left. Gave me something to do, I think I might be getting a green thumb, because I want to plant more stuff. Maybe get some planters for the front door.”

“I really like these that you picked.” he points at the flowers, “Coneflower.”

“How did you know that?”

John sits down next to you and reaches for your hand, “Helen liked them. Daisies were her favorite, but she loved these as well. Plus it’s a funny name.”

“It is a very silly name.” you look over at John and smile, “They’re beautiful flowers, and they’re perennials, so they’ll come back every spring now. ”

“Nice.” he nods and leans over to kiss you, “You just planted flowers while I was gone?”

“Yup, pretty much.”

John looks around the backyard and smiles, “They look really good, I think you’ve found a new hobby. You did a great job.”

“Who knew stuffing plants into dirt could be so much fun?”

“You know what else is fun?” John wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you closer.

“What?” you feel John staring at you and you start to laugh, hiding your face in your hands, “Do you realize how nervous you still make me?”

“I do?”

You laugh loudly and nod, “Yes, you make me so nervous.”

“You actually make me pretty nervous, too.” John starts to laugh and he gets up from the porch steps, reaching out for your hand, “Come on.”

“Where are you taking me, Mr. Wick?” you tease and hold his hand as he walks over to the pool.

“We haven’t even swam in it yet.” John says and pulls his shirt over his head. He kicks off his shoes and socks, then starts to unbuckle his pants.

“You’re going to swim in your boxers?” you say and watch as John pulls his pants off.

“It’s just us.”

“Well, yeah, but what if Tess and Jimmy come over?” you say and back away when John starts walking over to you. “I know what you’re about to do, Jonathan.”

He grabs you before you get away from him and he cradles you in his arms, “Can I?”

“Throw me into the pool? No!” you laugh loudly as John starts to walk down the steps into the pool and you gasp, “Oh, my god! My phone could have been in my pocket, Jonathan.”

John widens his eyes and holds you up, but your ass is already wet, “Is it?!”

“No, but you could have at least let me take my clothes off.” you say as John lifts you up to sit on the edge of the pool.

“Take them off now.” he says and disappears under the water.

You unhook your overalls to pull them off, then you throw your shirt to the lawn chair next to you. You hop in the water and reach out for John as he walks towards the deep end. You’re much to short to stay above the water, so John holds you in his arms with your legs around his waist.

“So, how was work?” you ask, and you feel your bra become undone.

“Quick in and out, remember?” he smiles and tosses your bra to the side of the pool.

“Yeah, I only see one or two bruises on you.”

“I have bruises?” he asks, looking down at his bicep. “Oh, I do have one.”

John flexes hard, and you lean down to press soothing kisses to his bruise. You move his wet hair out of his face, and he watches as you tilt your head back into the water to wet your hair. You tighten your legs around John and he smiles as he leans in to kiss you.

“Jimmy pulled a John move earlier, didn’t he?” you say, and John furrows his brow in confusion. “Kneeling in front of me, grabbing my hands and talking to me. You do that a lot.”

“Oh.” he laughs and nods, “I do.”

“I don’t know who he was more afraid of upsetting, me or you.” you say as John sets you on the edge of the pool, “I don’t want him to drag up everything that happened, not with me at least. I put it past me, so did you, and I want to keep it that way.”

“I get that.”

“I won’t lie, I did think whoever was doing that stuff was doing it because of you. I mean, Matt was doing it because of you, but it was because he wanted to be with me.” you say, shivering a little at the thought. “I thought maybe someone from your past was trying to hurt you.”

“No, trust me, if someone was trying to hurt me, you wouldn’t be here.”

You widen your eyes, “Like I’d be dead?”

John laughs as he shakes his head, “No, like you’d be sitting on a bed in a hotel room at the Continental. I would have dragged your ass there and made you stay in that room. Thrown away the key too.”

“Hmm…” you perk up a little and nod, “The menu is really good there, so I probably wouldn’t have minded, to be honest.”

John lets out a laugh and shakes his head again, “I can’t say I wasn’t relieved to know it wasn’t because of me; I was really relieved.”

You cup his face and smile, “I bet.”

“Are you mad because I never told you?”

“What? No.” you brush John’s hair out of his face and lean down to kiss him, “No, not at all. I understand why you never told me. We had gone through…so much in such a short amount of time, and this was all new to you again. I totally understand why you never told me. Things stopped happening and everything was good again. Matt went away. You wanted everything to be good between us again. Baby, I get it.”

“I love you. I’m really happy we made it through all that shit.” he says and smiles as he throws his boxers to the patio chair. “So, what are your plans for tonight?”

“Well,” you shift in place a little as you pull your underwear off, “I plan on following you around the house like a puppy, I missed you so much.”

John stands in front of you and rests his arms on either side of you and puts his head in your lap, “I missed you, too.”

You slowly spread your legs and you hear John let out a small laugh. He looks up at you and then down at your pussy, now on full display for him, and he licks his lips as he spreads your legs further. You hike your leg over John’s shoulder and pull him closer to you as you rest back on your hands.

John smiles as he buries his face between your legs and you moan loudly watching him. He focuses on your clit and you start to tremble immediately, slowly laying down on the ground. John begins to kiss your thighs, and you look up at him as he stops.

“Just a taste.” he says, smirking.

“You tease.” you sit up and John lays his head in your lap again, “So, what are we doing tonight?”

“Well, Jimmy had asked if you and I wanted to go out to dinner with them. Just to the little pizza joint down the road. He said if we didn’t want to that was fine, he knows that we like to spend some time alone when I get home.”

“I don’t mind that, actually. I love the bread sticks there, and they sound really good.” you say, brushing John’s hair out of his face and you notice a deep red cut near his hairline, “Oh, baby, you have a cut right here.”

“I do?” he asks, pressing his fingers against it as he winces, “Forgot about that.”

“We should clean it and bandage it.” you say, and John grabs your thighs to stop you from standing up. You cup John’s face and smile, “We’ll get it cleaned up, then I’m all yours.”

“Okay.” he says, finally letting you go.

You watch John as he hops out of the pool and when you see him dripping wet and walking towards you, you start to reach for him, “Hey…”

“What?” John looks up at you, then down at your hands on his chest, “Don’t do it. If you do, you’re going in with me.”

“Oh, my god, I’m not going to push you in. How immature do you think I am? I just want to kiss my incredibly handsome boyfriend.” you say, pecking John quickly. Before he can get his hands around you, you shove him into the pool and run away as you laugh loudly, “Got you!”

John comes up for air and slicks his hair out of his face, “I am so getting you back for this.”

taglist: @girl-at-the-verge @ladyren33 @avxgers @thelovedpessimist @ficsnroses @thepastrecedes01 @vladimirasibirskaya @chickyan @sweetgoodangel @weird-civilian @dangerouslystrangecrown @meetmeinthematinee @starsstripesandthesouth @cheekybluefox @beyond-antares @tnu-ree @sanctuarygirl @jessicajones616 @ou8i8 @sterekislyf @celestiaelisia @ladiesofamidala @star017

#john wick x reader #john wick x you #john wick imagine #fic: hold my hand #uhhhh i dont remember tags ever anymore fjdkslf;#anywho love yall #pls be nice lol

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years ago

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As you begin this survey, what is the current date and time? June 28th, 2020, 4:56AM.

How many blue-eyed people have you kissed? One.

Do you have a friend named Holly? Nope.

Name the last 3 books you read. Never Walk Alone, The Girl and the Hunt, Don’t Tell. The first and last book are by Willow Rose and the second one is by AJ Rivers.

When was the last time you saw someone attractive? I see Alexander Skarsgard on my dash everyday.

Who was the last person you got into an argument with? My brother.

Think back to this time last year; who did you have feelings for? No one.

Are you wearing anything that has any kind of pattern on it? Nope.

Name all of the websites you have visited so far today. Tumblr and YouTube.

What are your parents’ middle names? I’m not sharing that.

Who was the last curly-haired person you talked to? My mom.

Does frequent use of swearwords offend or upset you? No.

Do you have romantic feelings for the last person you text messaged? Uh, ew no. I only ever text or get texts from my parents and brother...

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘S’? My cousin, Samantha.

When was the last time you turned down an invitation to go somewhere? Why? A few days ago mom asked if I wanted to go grab some breakfast and then go grocery shopping but I said no. :/ Even though places are opening up, I just don’t feel safe or comfortable going anywhere during a pandemic. I’m scared. It makes me anxious and stressed out. Pre-pandemic, I would have definitely gone with her. I always liked going with her to go grocery shopping and going out for breakfast is nice. I just can’t do it right now. :(

If you’ve had a bad day, who is most likely to cheer you up? My doggo.

How many Facebook friends do you have? 100 and something.

Is there anyone on your “friends” list that you dislike? No.

Is there anyone you dislike, that you have to see/speak to regularly? Nope.

Does anyone have a romantic interest in you, that you don’t return? Nope.

Has either of your parents ever borrowed your computer? My mom has asked to do something on mine before, but only like a couple times. She’d just ask me to do it for her if she needed something done on a computer. She likes using her phone and iPad.

Are you living with anyone that isn’t related to you? My dog, ha. She’s still my baby, though.

Do you prefer drinks in bottles or cans? Bottled Coke tastes the best.

How many people would you say you’ve been “in love” with? Two.

Which one of your relatives are you most likely to argue/disagree with? My dad.

Have your parents met the person you’re currently interested in? I’m not interested in anyone, currently.

When you’re interested in someone, do you let them know? I’ve told the people I had serious feelings for.

Do you know a Robert? Tell me about him. I have an uncle Robert, but I don’t know him that well. Who was your first major crush? This kid named Philip when I was in the 3rd grade. He was a grade older.

Do you still talk to that person? I never did lol. Well, maybe a “hey” or something, but that was likely the extent of it. We were holding opposite ends of a jump rope at school for this fundraiser event my school participated in called, Jump Rope for Heart. lmaoooo. I was in 3rd grade okay it was a big deal to me at the time.

Are you happy with the way things are going? No.

If not, what would you like to change? Heath stuff, mental and physical. Have some direction in life and actually do something. Actually know what it is I want to do. Have a life. Be a functioning adult. Move to another city in a bigger house for my family and I. Not have a pandemic going on...

Were you well-behaved as a child? Yes.

Is there anything happening tomorrow, that you’re looking forward to? Nope.

Is there anything you need to do, that you’re trying to avoid doing? A few things. :/

Did you have a good day yesterday? It was alright.

What about today? How has your day been so far? It’s only 5:15AM. We’ll see how the day goes later on.

Do you think tomorrow will be enjoyable for you? Sigh. I’ve been asked this and some variation of it in every survey. I’ve been doing a shitload of surveys lately so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that there’s so many repeats.

Do you remember what you had for lunch yesterday? Yeah, I had chicken strips and mac and cheese from Chick Fil A.

Are you looking forward to anything? No.

What do you like the most about your own appearance? I like my hair when it’s been recently dyed and looks nice.

Do you feel like you’ve changed at all over the past year? Yes, but not in a good way.

What were you doing before you went on the computer? I was eating and watching YouTube videos on my phone.

How old were you 6 years ago? 24.

What are the chances that you will kiss someone tonight? Zero.

What did you drink at the last party you went to? Soda. I haven’t drank alcohol in 7 years.

Does the last person you text messaged have any tattoos or piercings? No.

Do you know what the person you have feelings for is doing at this moment? I don’t have feelings for anyone in that way.

When was the last time you had an alcoholic drink? I just told you.

When was the last time you had a difficult decision to make? There’s been a few I’ve yet to make these past few years.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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douchebagbrainwaves · 5 years ago

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WHY TWITTER IS POWER OF MY TODO LIST

And if you're ambitious you have to meet to learn more. They're like someone looking at a newborn baby and concluding there's no way this tiny creature could ever accomplish anything. If we project forward we see why. When Milton was going to take over the world? But even that is an interesting sort of convergence that's coming is between shows and games. When I was in high school. This doesn't always work, because people can be.

Another area in which there has been a lot written lately about the creative class became more mobile. It was a mystery he was trying to answer was how many there were. Different languages have different conventions for how much work it is to believe now, the reason most employees work fixed hours is that the iPhone preceded the iPad. If you make money by creating wealth. When I told the assembled angels and VCs in that they invest relatively small amounts at early stages, but like many things people have historically done to their kids rather than risk their community's disapproval. Oddly enough, the American custom of having employers pay for health insurance derives from efforts by businesses to circumvent NWLB wage controls in order to avoid this problem, if you make something users want. I believe, is like a compiled program you've lost the source of your problems in a way that acknowledges their dominance. One reason was the way they are. That's the really scary part for founders: not just because we make small investments; many have gone on to raise further rounds. This is the same reason that, if they don't work, and indignant readers will send you references to all the incubators in parallel, which is one of the best stuff prevails. The VCs also insist that the round close fast.

Pick the one or at most two best speakers, and have responded by putting their stuff, grudgingly, online. I'm surprised how empty houses look. We knew we had to borrow a conference room to reassure an investor who will only invest once other investors have. Kids are the ones most likely to get buyer's remorse. Well, I'm now about to do that completely. Which makes it easier for startups to grow. Why not? Growing too slowly is particularly dangerous in a business where occasional big successes generate hundredfold returns. The other kind of code. It's not considered improper to make disparaging remarks about it, not how much students learn. I do this by the small size of their corpus, but if this label didn't already exist.

We were all starting from scratch, that's a higher rate of return than a VC could ever hope to get from a company, all they want to know is almost always bullshit. When del. And more importantly, can't take liberties with. Sam Altman, Marc Andreessen, Paul Buchheit, Jeff Clavier, Patrick Collison, Jessica Livingston, and David Sloo for reading drafts of this essay explains that. Why Nerds are Unpopular February 2003 When we were starting Viaweb, I didn't find it till college. Com/gp/product/0596006624 4. It's conventionally fixed at 21, but different customers are right about different things; excessive perfectionism.

And to the extent you can, give the best advice you can based on your gut feel, or a niche product? The founders of Kiko, for example, seems to be spreading. I have no idea why. I'd heard Steve Jobs had cancer. If you step on the toes of the coal industry, you'll hear about it. But if you're looking for. Then I looked at his face and realized he didn't understand.

That's one reason we like to work, just like they do. The advice about going to work for a company. Actually, the fad is the word blog, at least by comparison, be called turmoil. But the biggest thing preventing founders from realizing how attentive they could be to their users is that they've been trained to treat the need to decrease economic inequality. Smalltalk the fact that the founders get rich. This is supposed to be there at certain times. If anyone wants to write programs to solve, and what changed my mind is actually a good thing, but slower. Till about 2002 you could safely misinterpret it as promising that clock speeds would double every 18 months. It's not that hard to do in college would be like, because that's why it's structured that way.

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rhetoricandlogic · 6 years ago

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The Thing In the Walls Wants Your Small Change

by Virginia M Mohlere

The penny was gone again.

Caro huffed and dropped her grocery bags in the hall. She reached in, took a penny from the change bowl by the door, and rubbed it between her thumb and forefinger, said Nana’s charm for the house spirits, to keep them happy and home.

She blew on the penny and tucked it down by the threshold.

Five days she’d lived here, and seven times the penny had been gone, either in the morning or after she returned from an errand. The apartment didn’t set off her Spooky Senses, but the penny thing was weird.

Nana was unsympathetic.

“Girl, you got house spirits with expensive taste,” she said, laughing. “That’s what you get, moving yourself where everything’s snow and concrete. Down here the house spirits know us. They miss you.”

“Nana. That’s you missing me,” Caro said, guilt eating at her just a tiny bit.

Just a tiny bit: mostly, she was still pinching herself that everything had worked out so smoothly: this cute little apartment with southern exposure, high tin ceilings, and a dark-stained, carved sideboard set into the dining/living room wall that she loved so much she wanted to lie down on top of it despite its sticking drawers. This ridiculous neighborhood that was like something out of a romantic comedy, with its painfully adorable coffee shops, blocks of grey stone townhouses, and ethnic restaurants entirely outside the dreams of most other people from Pointe Coupee Parish.

And the job. Hired from across the dang country to write cybersecurity algorithms for enough money that the offer letter had made her choke, when surely there were a thousand coders nearby who’d have jumped at the chance. After 2 weeks, she still half expected that to show up at the address every morning and find an empty lot. It was too hard to believe this was all real.

“Yes, it’s me missing you, baby. Every old minute. But you know I’m happy for you.”

“I know, Nana.”

“Your mama keeps asking after you.”

And there was the familiar sensation of acid boiling up into her sternum.

“Nana, you won’t –“

“I won’t, baby. I won’t ever give her your number, I promise. I do keep telling her you’re happy as can be.”

Caro laughed.

“That must make her furious.”

Nana laughed too, but high-pitched, tense.

“That it does. Don’t you let that snake I birthed hurt you all that way away. You go to your fancy job and show them how lucky they are to have you, and call me on the iPad on Sunday so I can see your face.”

“Love you Nana.”

“Love you, baby.”

The penny was gone again in the morning. Caro rolled her eyes and put another one down.

It was the biggest mystery of her new life in Chicago – which, as troubles go, she was not going to complain about. It wasn’t like an extra half-dollar or so each month to appease her greedy house ghost was going to crack her budget, but it vexed her.

Well. And there was that scratchy sound behind the wall in the back hallway, next to the bathroom.

“No way, I spray once a season,” her landlord said. “Sorry, kid, it’s just an old building. It makes noises.”

Which was okay.

“It’s rats in the walls. Every building has them. Anybody ever tell you about the super-rats from the eighties? They were the size of cats. My cousin knew a family whose dog got killed by one.”

This not-okay statement solidified Troy from sales as The Office Asshole. Poor guy, he seemed so shocked when his follow-up invitation for shots after work got shot down. Ha ha.

Still: rats. Was there anything more gross than rats? Every time she heard that faint scritch behind the wall it made her spine feel like a spaghetti noodle. Was it enough to give up the sideboard? Was it enough to give up her three-block walk to the train? Or the taco stand two doors down?

She stood in the hallway, staring down at the wall panel, waiting. Wasted hours this way, it was so stupid.

It was easy to spend long days at work, avoiding her apartment and the scritch. It was easy to take long walks on weekends. She found an endless supply of cute boutiques and tasty stuff to eat. She learned her way around St. Bran’s so thoroughly that she was almost grateful to the scritch for driving her outside.

Her neighbors in the other five apartments were a quiet bunch – she almost never saw them, other than brief greetings at the mailbox or holding the front door open. Seemed like maybe two couples, a guy her age, an older woman, and someone on the third floor who listened to a lot of classical music but never left the building.

Caro found herself in the laundry room with the older woman on a Saturday morning, having just heard a particularly loud, long scratching sound and something almost like a purr.

“Rats?” the woman said in answer to her question.

She frowned with soft eyes, as if thinking hard. When she shook her head, the beads in her long grey dreads clacked.

“No, I can’t see rats. It’s an old building, sure, but this is a clean place. Protected.”

Protected?

Then the woman grinned and squeezed Caro’s bicep in a strong grip.

“You’d be more likely to find, I don’t know. Borrowers in the walls. Did you ever read that book when you were little? That wouldn’t surprise me a bit.”

She pulled her clothes – ancient jeans, calico smocks, and faded concert t-shirts – out of the dryer and laughed to herself.

“Borrowers in the walls,” the woman said, “that’s good. I’m going to use that.”

Caro shrugged after her.

It made her feel better, though, that her neighbor couldn’t “see” rats. To someone who went to the actual bank to get rolls of pennies for house spirits, it didn’t even sound so weird. She looked up Borrowers and wished that her eight-year-old self had read the books. Tiny people in the walls who collected junk and put it to ingenious use. That would’ve been like holding a piece of Nana’s old trailer with her, back in the days before Nana got custody.

Back in the days when she hadn’t had any possessions she couldn’t sleep in, on, or around without their disappearing into vodka bottles or the garbage or the toilet. So a book wouldn’t have lasted long anyhow.

She went so far as to actually speak to the cute girl at the gym, whose name – Aly – even turned out to be cute. The first time they went for drinks, Caro stumbled home drunk enough that when she fumbled emptying her jacket pockets and all her change spilled to the floor, she thought ‘screw it’ and went to bed.

The change was gone in the morning.

God dang. It had been like seventy cents.

Caro heard the scritch and the little purr-sound and knocked one knuckle sharply into the wall panel. The resulting silence was full. Whatever was frozen on the other side of the wall, possibly praying that she had run into the wall by mistake, was too smart for standard rodentia.

“Hey,” she said, “don’t get greedy.”

The penny by the doorjamb stayed for three days, then disappeared. Caro laughed at the floor, pulled a penny out of the bowl, and said the charm.

“I see how it is,” she said to the panel in the back hallway, “you require regular offerings. I get it.”

She took to leaving pennies and nickels on the floor around the living room. As long as there was a coin or two hanging around on the floor, the luck penny stayed by the front door.

“See? You’ve worked things out,” Nana laughed into the phone. “Though what a house ghost wants with that much currency I can’t imagine.”

In October, Caro came down with a bad case of the flu and didn’t leave the apartment for eight days straight. Takeout and an emergency drop-off of oatmeal and cans of soup from Aly saved her life, but mostly she lay on the couch, alternately shivering and sweating, wishing she’d ever bothered to buy a cable package or at least a charging cable for her iPad that reached all the way to the couch.

She almost called Aly for a ride to the emergency room on day four when she woke from a nap and hallucinated a small black creature in the middle of the floor, picking up a nickel and running down the hallway.

Still, there was no denying when she woke up later that the nickel was gone.

Caro couldn’t blame it on the flu when she woke from a Saturday-afternoon nap three weeks later and saw it again, sitting by her desk with a penny in each. In each claw.

The thing froze when she inhaled; Caro willed her body to relax and closed her eyes to slits. Her heartbeat was fast as a bird’s, but she held herself still, hopefully as if she remained asleep.

The thing blinked its red eyes twice, then looked back down at the pennies it held. It made the purring sound she had twice heard behind the wall.

She figured she could probably hold it in her two cupped palms: it was the size of a kitten, the color of charcoal, with a triangle-shaped head and two greenish horn-things curling over the top.

It was obviously a dragon. The tiniest, cutest, most ridiculous dragon any person could imagine, which Caro was obviously doing, because dragons were obviously imaginary. Except for the part where it held a penny in each forelimb. Except for the part where it shoved both pennies into its pointy little jaw and galloped across the room to the back hallway.

Except for the part where something had been taking her loose change for the past three months and scritching behind the wall.

Caro tried to see it again. She left change all over the floor and pretended to take naps almost daily, but though she heard it behind the wall, the little sucker remained elusive. She knocked on the wall once and pitched her voice to be as gentle as possible when she said,

“Hey, it’s okay to come out. I won’t hurt you.”

Silence – and all the coins remained on the floor for a couple of days after.

She learned that value wasn’t the creature’s priority: it liked pennies best, followed by nickels. Dimes and subway tokens would stay on the floor until they were the only things remaining. She got a Canadian penny among her change once; that was snapped up. It preferred shiny pennies to dull ones.

Emergency life-saving via oatmeal caused Aly to appoint herself Boss Of Caro, which sucked at the gym (so many reps) but had its own advantages, aside from Aly’s fundamental cuteness. She pitched enough of a fit when she found out that Caro wasn’t going home for Thanksgiving that several of the dudebro lifters glowered in their direction. She arrived outside Caro’s building at nine a.m. for the drive out to River Forest. Caro brought a bottle of wine and flowers and tried to treat it as a cultural expedition, eating turkey without any cayenne on it, dressing made of bread instead of rice, and not one oyster on the table.

Caro called Nana during the break between dinner and dessert, when Aly and her dad were setting up trays in front of the football game on TV. If she hadn’t been at a stranger’s house, Caro would’ve thrown up on the carpet when Nana answered the phone with their code phrase, “I’m sorry, I don’t make donations over the phone, but thank you for calling.”

Mama was there.

“You all right, honey?” Aly’s mom asked.

Caro took the plates out of her hands and used to walk to the living room to calm herself down.

Over the long Thanksgiving holiday, Caro holed herself up with leftovers from Aly’s family dinner and banished all motherly thoughts by trying to draw the dragon out, making a trail of pennies down the hallway that led to a highly polished quarter laid just inside her bedroom door. She turned off all the lights at 8:30 and climbed into bed, wedged among pillows, her blankets swirled around with only one eye uncovered but a clear view of the hall and the doorway.

It was over an hour, easy – more than enough time for her limbs to ache with the desire to sleep. Finally, she heard a creak, a scratch, and a sound that might have been sniffing. The little dragon ran down the hallway and skidded to a stop right in front of her doorway. It was almost impossible to see when it was still – just a shadow in the darkness – but she could hear it sniffing. When it walked forward, she could see its little hunched shape, its tail.

She could hear when it found the stack of pennies just inside the living room.

“Rar!”

Its voice was high-pitched and creaky, almost like a dog’s squeaker toy, and it took every drop of Caro’s willpower not to laugh at the sound.

“Rar rar!”

And happy Thanksgiving to you too, she thought.

It ran back and forth eight times, carrying the pennies to its home behind her bathroom wall, humming to itself the whole time.

It left the ones closest to her bedroom door for last, standing up on its hind legs in a posture so cute that Caro wanted to curl up into a ball, tilting its head back and forth and sniffing.

“Raaaaar,” it hummed softly.

The dragon crept into her room, one foot at a time, peering up at the bed between steps, while Caro held herself completely still.

It stopped in front of the quarter and stared down. Sniffed. Bent to touch the coin with the pointy bit of its face. Did it lick the coin? Caro hoped it licked it.

“Haaaaaa,” the little dragon breathed.

It picked up the quarter and put it in its mouth, but the coin dropped to the floor with a clink. The dragon froze, staring at the bed. Caro did her best impersonation of a rock.

After half a dozen breaths, the dragon reached down again and picked up the quarter. It shoved the coin back in its mouth and held it in place with one forelimb, then hobbled out of the room on three legs.

Once it was gone, Caro curled up and put both hands over her face. What even was this? If her life got any cuter she might not survive it.

“A dragon,” Nana said the next day, her skepticism so strong it would’ve curdled the cord on a landline.

“I swear! A dragon the size of a kitten.”

“Sweetheart, you sure you didn’t drink too much at your friend’s house?”

“Nana. I’ve seen it three times. It’s what kept taking my spirit penny! I’ve been leaving coins out for it for months! I wish I could get a photo of it, you would not believe it.”

“I don’t believe it, baby.”

“Nana,” Caro groaned. “How is this any weirder than your spirit pennies and all your red strings with knots in them and that gross jar full of herbs that’s as old as me?”

“Don’t you bad-mouth my binding jar, it’s what keeps your mama from making even more trouble.”

“Uh huh. And?”

Caro knew the expression Nana was making back at home – lips pressed together so the places where her pink lipstick had feathered up into the wrinkles around her mouth stood out, eyes narrowed behind her gold-rimmed glasses.

Caro noted a trend toward her own face doing the same thing.

Oops.

“Well. I guess I don’t want to call my best grandbaby a crazy person. Are you sure it doesn’t mean you any harm?” Nana said finally.

“One hundred percent. It’s only interested in money.”

Nana laughed.

“Well that’s true of lots of folks! You ever left a dollar bill out for it?”

“No!”

Once she bought in, Nana had a dozen questions about the little dragon. She laughed again when Caro tried to imitate its squeaky voice.

“Aw, baby, I still don’t know how this can be, but damn me if that don’t sound like a pure delight. Who knew such things could live under the sun.”

Nana pitched her voice lower.

“And you know if we both have to spend our time with dragons, at least yours is a cute one.”

Caro couldn’t make much of a laugh at that one. Mama had shown no sign of leaving Nana’s house. At this rate, Caro wouldn’t be able to ever go home again.

Caro heard a series of sharp, muffled thunks over the phone, followed by,

“The hell you out there doing, Mama? You’re out of cooking sherry.”

Caro hadn’t heard her mother’s voice in three years, but even over a phone line and through a closed door, she could hear the telltale burr that the cooking sherry had gone done Mama’s gullet. She wondered whether it was the old bottle that had sat at the back of Nana’s cabinet for as long as she could remember.

Was it too much to hope that it had turned to poison?

“Don’t you worry, Betsy,” Nana bellowed into the phone, making sure Mama would hear every word, “I don’t mind a bit doing the altar on Sunday. You just rest that ankle. I’ll be there at seven-thirty sharp.”

“Gawd,” Mama said.

“Got it,” Caro said. “I’ll call you then. I love you.”

“You bet.”

Caro sat on the floor by the bathroom door to have her cry. She didn’t mean to scare the little dragon, but she didn’t want to feel alone.

Her phone rang on Saturday afternoon – Nana must’ve slipped out to the grocery store.

“You okay?” Caro asked when she answered.

There was a long pause, then.

“Huh.”

She registered that it was Mama’s voice just as the phone beeped to signal the line being cut off.

Crap.

She called Nana at 7:34 the next morning, and Nana picked up on the first ring.

“Caro.”

“Nana, are you all right?”

“Sweetie, I am so sorry. I’ve been so good about keeping my phone on me, I just let it go for a minute.”

“Nana. Are you okay.”

Oh, the pause was too long.

“What did she do?”

“I’m fine, baby.”

“Nana.”

“It was just one cigarette and I got butter right on it, my hand’ll be fine.”

Caro sat down on the floor.

“Honey, I’m fine. I swear.”

“Nana, you have to make her leave.”

“Well, baby, I think I did. I spent last night at your aunt Betsy’s house, and we’re headed back to the house after church with Pere John and Sheriff Huntley to make sure. Sheriff’s got a locksmith friend who’s coming out to change all the locks and help me fix up my windows. But Caro, baby. Your address was in my phone.”

Caro lost all ability to remain vertical and lay on the floor.

“You should get a different phone, baby.”

Caro’s belly dropped at that tone. It wasn’t one she heard very often. Nana tried hard not to let her down. But it happened. Nana wasn’t a superhero.

“What else, Nana?”

“Baby, I’m sorry.”

“I know you are, Nana. What else?”

“You know I always kept my Christmas tin in the same place.”

Always. Caro had stolen from it once or twice – never more than a couple of dollars for candy, until the day Nana caught her and said “don’t be like your Mama, Caro. The road’s too hard.”

She’d never touched it again, and it wasn’t because of a hard damn road.

“She’ll probably drink it all up, sweetheart.”

“Was it enough for bus fare?”

“It was.”

There was a long silence. Caro enjoyed how cold and hard the floor was. She was glad she hadn’t gotten around to buying a rug. Her shoulder blades ached against the wood, so there was one part of her not filled up with sickness and worry.

“She’ll probably drink it all up,” Nana repeated.

Probably. But not certainly.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Nana said.

“I know.”

Then she remembered her manners.

“It’s okay, Nana. You didn’t do anything.”

“That’s half the trouble, isn’t it?”

Caro would never agree to that aloud.

“Let’s just hope you’re right and she goes on a bender in Baton Rouge.”

“I love you, sweetheart,” Nana said, her voice miserable.

“I love you too. I’ll send you my new number.”

She turned the phone off. No use in courting trouble.

But she wasn’t going to sleep, not with the idea that Mama might show up at the door, expecting food, booze, the bed, to be the center of all attention. To have her every whim obliged on pain of broken bones, property destruction, and plain viciousness.

Caro watched TV (looked at the TV without registering what was on it) for several hours, until her eyes felt coated in sand. She had gone through hungry and out the other side to a queasy exhaustion.

How Mama would laugh at all the change on the floor. Before she picked it all up and pocketed it.

Caro reached for her wallet on the table next to the sofa. She had five quarters in the change pocket. She tossed them onto the floor in front of the sofa and wrapped up in the quilt aunt Betsy made for her high school graduation. May as well make a little happiness in the house.

And boy howdy did she. She dozed a bit, so she had no idea how much time had passed by the time she woke to see the little dragon hopping around the quarters on its little claws. She had always thought the word “scamper” was a dumb word, until she saw it in action by a miniature imaginary creature.

“Rar raaaaar!” it squeaked.

And she couldn’t help the choked-off sob she made – it was such a relief to see happiness.

The dragon froze and stared at her. Caro stared back, keeping her hands inside the quilt and her head still, but not bothering to hide her face.

After a long pause, the dragon blinked at her, titled its head back and forth. She blinked back.

It sniffed. Caro sniffed.

The dragon laid one claw experimentally on a quarter, and Caro blinked again.

“Go ahead,” she said in a soft voice.

The dragon startled, but it didn’t move. It tilted its head again.

“They’re for you. Take them.”

It waited a long time, moving its claw fractionally, until the moment when it lifted the quarter to its mouth and skittered on three legs down the back hallway. She thought maybe she had scared it for good, given the length of quiet afterward. Long after she’d given up, she saw it creeping along on the floor, hunched down, its triangular head angling toward her as it passed.

The knot in her chest let go. The dragon went totally still when she sniffed in an unsuccessful attempt to stop the tears rolling out of her.

“Sorry,” she whispered. “I’m just really glad you came back.”

The little dragon huffed at her. Caro wiped her face on the quilt, and by the time she looked up, the dragon was gone with a second quarter.

It didn’t hesitate to come back for the third one. By the fifth one, it didn’t even pause. It sauntered casually past the sofa and lifted the coin straight to its mouth.

“Rrr!” it squeaked.

“You’re welcome,” she said, and it was enough to let her sleep.

The knock she dreaded came two days later. She’d had a very uncomfortable conversation with her boss, who shocked Caro to her bones by calling HR on speakerphone and asking them to get started on transferring Caro’s desk to the badge-only floor.

“Do you have a picture of her?” he asked. “Get one to security and they’ll make sure she doesn’t get in the building. You want somebody to travel back and forth with you?”

Caro cried a little bit, much to her horror.

“Look, I don’t care how much you try to pull this ‘y’all don’t bother about lil ole me’ crap,” Aly said at the gym. “I’m coming over on Saturday, and I’m staying until you find out for sure that you’re not getting any unwanted visitors. Pay me in pancakes.”

That had made her cry a little again.

So she had a little steel in her spine by the time the door rattled. Was a fifteen-year-old restraining order from Louisiana in force in Chicago? She had no idea.

“Caroline, it’s your mama, open up!”

Caro tried to will herself to grasp the doorknob and was unsuccessful.

“Caroline! I saw the light on, I’ve been traveling a whole day and night, darlin, don’t you want to see your mama after all this time?”

She pounded on the door again.

“Open the fucking door, Caroline.”

Her neighbors would be able to hear all this. Her neighbors seemed like nice people. They’d try to help, if they thought there was trouble. Trying to get between Mama and what she wanted was a great way to get hurt.

She opened the door. The grimace on Mama’s face morphed into something like a smile.

“Caroline.”

She pushed past Caro into the living room and looked around, clearly displeased. She was still taller than Caro, still broad-shouldered. But her skin hung loose on her frame, aside from her round belly, and she looked a decade older than her early fifties.

Friends ought to take care of one another, Caro thought.

Mama’s best friend, ethanol, didn’t take good care of anybody.

“The hell kind of dump is this?” Mama said. “Can’t afford anything modern?”

Caro remembered that she was a grown-ass adult and not a terrified elementary schooler.

“You’re more than welcome not to stay,” she said.

Mama rounded on her with a well-remembered expression: narrow eyes, lower jaw jutted out, cheeks dark with more than the standard burst capillaries.

“What makes you think you can talk to me that way?” she said, grabbing Caro’s arm. “I’m your mother, you show some respect.”

Caro shrugged hard, trying to pull her arm free, but Mama’s grip was as fierce as her snarl.

“Don’t you fight me, girl, I know every trick you’ve got.”

“Let me go.”

“You don’t tell me what to do, Caroline.”

“You let me go!”

Caro pulled. Her instant of calm had devolved into the weak-kneed helplessness that dogged her every time she saw her mother. She heard her own breath. She would lose. She always lost. Mama was a juggernaut. Everything fell down in her presence. Everything had always fallen down.

“You straighten up now, girl, I won’t have –“

Mama’s face went vaguely green, her eyes wide. A calm corner of Caro’s mind saw that the sclera were yellow.

“What,” Mama croaked, looking over Caro’s shoulder.

“Rrrrrrr!”

Caro turned. The little dragon was barely three feet away from them, tiny white teeth bared and its back end wriggling like a cat about to pounce.

“No! No, run!” she yelled, pulling so hard that she wrenched her arm free, although the sleeve of her sweater tore.

The dragon hissed.

“The hell is that,” Mama whispered.

“Oh, don’t,” Caro said, then backpedaled when the dragon jumped.

She landed hard on her butt and stayed planted, mouth open, while the dragon leapt at Mama’s knees, banked off them, whirled around on the floor, and jumped again, making its squeaky growl the whole time. Its little claws stuck in Mama’s clothing while it climbed her, shrieking in a rasp. Mama stayed frozen and gaping until it reached waist height, then she batted at it and cried out.

The dragon latched onto her hand with its mouth; Mama yelled again and waved her arm. The dragon let go, arched in mid-air, and landed on her shoulder, scrabbling around on her back while Mama pounded her own shoulders, turning in a circle. The dragon kept squeaking “rar rar” and head-butting her between the shoulder blades. Caro could see little spots of blood along Mama’s arms and seeping through her shirt. The dragon moved so fast that sometimes it was a blur, crawling up and down Mama’s body, pausing only to head-butt her or bite.

“The hell is this?” Mama yelled, “What the hell is going on?”

The dragon hopped onto Mama’s shoulder and dug in, then clamped its jaws around her earlobe.

Mama screamed.

Caro felt a vast hysteria rising up from her guts.

Over the sound of Mama’s shouts and the dragon’s squeaks, Caro heard a firm knock at the door and a muffled voice,

“Neighbor? Everything all right in there?”

Whatever this was, she could answer that question.

“No!” she shouted, “it’s not!”

The door slammed inward, and the non-rat-seeing neighbor jumped inside, her dreadlocks flying like Medusa’s own snakes. She glanced from Mama, to Caro, back to Mama again.

“What?”

“Get this damn thing off me!” Mama yelled.

The dragon squeaked one more time for good measure, then dropped to the ground. Mama lunged for it; it scrabbled briefly against the wood floor and took off for the hallway. Caro lunged to get between it and Mama –

Who was on her knees, her arms pinned back by the neighbor, eyes wide, her chin shiny with spit.

“What was it?” Mama said in a hoarse voice.

“Are you all right, sweetie?”

There was no sign of that dreamy look in her neighbor’s eye: this glance was all business.

“I’m okay. I’m not hurt,” Caro said.

And then, “I’m not hurt,” with a laugh.

“The hell was it?”

“I think you should leave now,” the neighbor said, tugging so that Mama grunted and climbed to her feet with a stumble.

“What was it?”

“I can tell by your voice you’re not from here,” the neighbor said. “Why don’t you get on home, now?”

“She came on the bus,” Caro said.

Mama had left a bag in the hallway. There was a return bus ticket in the side pocket. Open ended. Of course.

“Are you stupid?” Mama barked when the artist crowded her into the hallway and pressed the ticket into her hand. “Didn’t you see that thing?”

“This is a safe place,” the neighbor said, staring up at Mama. “Protected. I don’t think you’re a very safe person. You should leave now.”

“I’m not damn well –“

Must’ve been some kind of martial arts training. Anyhow, whatever the artist did to Mama’s elbow, Mama went down the stairs with her and out the door.

“I’m not leaving my daughter in this hell hole with some kind of goddamn monster,” Mama said at the end.

The dramatic intensity of this was greatly lessened by her saying it through a cab window.

“Oh, I think you are,” the neighbor said. “I think you’re leaving her here for good.”

She slapped the cab, and it left.

“Well!” she said, “sorry about your door! I’ll make sure Mike knows to put that on my rent and not yours.”

“I don’t even know how to thank you,” Caro said.

“Oh honey,” the neighbor said. “Just bake me some brownies or something some time. It all comes out in the wash.”

She peered into Caro’s apartment on the way back upstairs.

“I didn’t know this place was protected quite so literally. I’m definitely going to use that.”

Caro lay on the floor in front of her sofa and took a while to alternate between hysterical laughter and hysterical sobs. It seemed the thing to do.

When her voice felt as if it might be trustworthy, she called Nana, who took her own turns between laughing and crying during the high points of the story and set Caro off again.

Caro didn’t see the dragon the first night, and fretted. The second night, she put down coins and sat on the sofa. The dragon came out a couple of hours after dark, walking slowly.

“Are you okay?” she whispered.

The dragon swiveled its little head toward her and heaved a squeaky sigh.

It looked around at the coins on the floor and sighed again; put a penny in its mouth and walked slowly toward the back hallway, exhaustion plain in every scale on its tiny body.

“Oh!” Caro said, and put her hands to her chest, laughed a little.

She gathered up the coins and took them to the hallway next to the bathroom door.

“Rrr!” the dragon squeaked when it saw her sitting there, the coins in her hands. But it took them from her, one by one, disappearing in between into a shadow under the sink that during daytime was a plain piece of wall. Up close, its body was hot, and it smelled of copper.

“Hff!” it sniffed when it took the last one.

“You’re welcome,” she said. “Go get some rest.”

“Oh baby, I know it’s all my fault,” Nana said on the phone the next day.“I just couldn’t stop her.”

“It’s okay, Nana. It’s all okay.”

“How are you going to thank your little friend?”

“I’ve got a good plan.”

She went to the bank and stood in line to see an actual teller. Slid a twenty across the counter.

“I’d like to exchange this, please, for dollar coins. The gold Sacagawea ones, if you have them.”

#Virginia M. Mohlere #The Thing in the Wall wants your Small Change #short story

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rfsak2 · 7 years ago

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Maybe

This installment is inspired by this ask from @meganjones99. I’m digging this prompt business!! Enjoy, m’lovely! Also this is installment number ten! Can you believe it?

Prompt:

“I don't know if you've already written the next part to your jack lowden series but I was hoping if you could do a part where she's feeling broody and wants a baby and keeps hinting to Jack ??”

Maybe Summary: Maybe life is random, but I doubt it. Jack/Reader Warnings: Fluffiest fluff to ever fluff...

Maybe it was just that stage of life.

Maybe it was the engagement ring on her finger or the looming shadow of a wedding that was proving harder to plan around their schedules and the distance between their families then originally expected.

Maybe it was just going to be a rough month... hormonally speaking.

She had known her body to occasionally go baby crazy in the week prior to her quarterly period.

Yeah, that was probably it. Just weird hormones.

It wasn’t that she hadn’t ever wanted kids. The idea of having Jack’s kids was always a pleasant thought, just a far away one.

They were both so busy. They couldn’t even set a date for their wedding without it being in conflict with some part of their jobs.

On the other hand, Jack was good with kids, patient and kind and a fount of energy. In fact, she often feared that he would be better with kids than she ever would be-

“Wha’ye thinkin’ of, hennie?”

She looked up from her iPad where she had been trolling Pinterest without really seeing any of the floral arrangements she had been scrolling through. “Hmm?”

He chuckled and turned toward her on the couch, one arm coming up to run along the back of the couch behind her. “Ye worried about somethin’, darlin’?”

She shook her head, frowning. “Just looking at flowers.”

He arched an eyebrow. “Describe jus’ one of those flo’ers ye’ve been lookin’ at.”

She shrugged. “...Pink?”

He leaned forward and kissed her. “Good guess. Vague bu’ good. At least, I know tha’ our kids will be clever.”

She chuckled and laid her head on his shoulder. “Do you want kids?”

He nodded. “‘Course, hennie.”

“How many?”

He shrugged, eyes back on the television program he had been watching earlier. “Two… maybe three. However many ye wan’te ‘ave.”

She nodded. “Boys or girls?”

He suddenly muted the TV. “Is this wha’ ye’ve been haverin’ ova this whole time, lovie?”

She shrugged. “Just wonderin’.”

The little girl sat on the picnic blanket and brushed at the ears of a very patient dog. The girl, maybe three or four, could’ve been Jack’s daughter, a blonde with eyes so blue she could see them from four or five yards away.

“Oi, hennie!” She turned away from the girl and smiled at Jack. He grinned. “We’ve go’ a wild man on our hands!”

Suddenly, Angus streaked past her, throwing up dirt all over her, her book and their blanket. She laughed and Angus stopped to lick at her face, tail hitting her arm in a staccato thump. Jack loped a few steps closer and Angus jumped, landing in a play-bow facing Jack.

There was tense moment, then Jack flinched toward the dog and Angus darted away, running a wild arc around them. She watched her man and her dog play for the next fifteen or twenty minutes, Angus would rush Jack, nip at his jeans and then dart away again.

She imagined a little blond boy in a Scotland footie jersey, giggling wildly as he tried to catch Angus.

Maybe he wouldn’t be able to say ‘Angus’ just yet so he’d just call him ‘Gus’ or ‘Gus Gus’. And after tiring himself out, Jack would swing the little boy up in his arms and deliver him to his mum complete with plane noises and-

“Mummy, di’ ye see Gus Gus? He runned so fast.”

“-hennie?”

She looked up suddenly at Jack and blinked owlishly at him. “What?”

Jack wiped a hand over his mouth before capping his water bottle. He sat and leaned over her. “Ye okay, hennie?”

She nodded.

He frowned. “Ye’ve been doin’ this more often… Starin’ into space an’ th’like. Are ye sure?”

She shrugged and looked down at her long forgotten book. “Yeah, I’m fine. Promise.” Angus abandoned his water bowl and moved to treat her to a sloppy kiss. She made a face and pushed Angus gently away. “Yuck, Angus.”

Jack sniggered into his hand, and wrapped an arm around the dog. The dog sat obediently at his side, tongue out and tail wagging. “Ye jus’ wan’ ye mum to pay ‘ttention te ye, ain’t tha’ right, Angus?” Jack kissed the dog on the head and almost received a sloppy kiss of his own. “No, beastie.”

Y/N laughed. “That’s what you get.”

Jack smiled and leaned forward to kiss her. “Seriously, lovie. Wha’s the matter? I’m worried aboot ye.”

She smoothed a thumb over his bottom lip. “I’m fine, I promise. Just thinking.”

“About wha’?”

She breathed deep. “Babies.. Marriage. All of that, I guess.”

He nodded. “I think aboot it too.”

“Yeah?”

Jack laid his head in her lap. “Lots. I think aboot ye havin’ a little lass tha’ we can dress in li’le tartan bows and li’le dresses. She’s gotta look like ‘er mum though.”

She ran her fingers through his hair. “I don’t know… Look at that little girl over there.” She pointed at the other family. “A little girl that looks like you would be an absolute stunner.”

“Let’s be fair, hennie. Any kid of ours is gonna be a stunner.” He grinned. “We’ll have te beat them off wit’ sticks.”

She grinned and kissed his forehead.

“We’ll have te move back te Scotland though.”

She hummed. “Why’s that?”

He made a face. “Can’t have me kids sounding like bloody Sassenachs!”

She grinned. “Okay. That’s fine. I can work out of Scotland. I do like Edinburgh a lot.”

He nodded.

“Och, but yer a wee, precious, little thing, aren’t ye?” Jack lifted the baby gently and tucked the little girl into the crook of one arm. He reached out with his free arm and grabbed Y/N’s hand.

Turning from her brother, she smiled and excused herself, going to stand behind Jack’s shoulder. “Hey, baby Emma.”

“She’s smilin’, hennie.”

She didn’t have the heart to tell him that she was far too young to be smiling so she just nodded. “You like your Uncle Jack, doncha, cutie?”

“She’s so small.”

She kissed his shoulder. “She was just born yesterday, Jack.”

He looked at her over his shoulder. “Do ye think our bairns will be this small?”

She chuckled and moved to sit in his lap, resting against his free side. “I was a pretty small baby but your mum told me you were a chunky thing and long, so ah dinnae ken. You may yet bless me with gigantic babies.”

He grinned and kissed her. “Ye’ve talked babies wit’ me mum?”

She nodded, resting her head against his hair. “Yeah.”

The baby started fussing and Jack looked panicked for a brief second. “Hennie…”

“Give her here.” She cooed at little Emma and took her gently from Jack. “There’s no need to fuss, m’love.”

A bottle appeared over her shoulder, held by her brother.

“Mary is sleeping.” He jerked his head toward the back bedroom. “Wanna feed her?”

She nodded and blew a kiss at her brother. “Yeah, I got it.” She shook the bottle lightly and then popped the cap off and shushed the still fussing baby, rocking her gently. “I’ve gotcha, little baby boo, no need to fuss.”

Emma started pulling on the nipple, making small sucking noises. The little trio was quiet for a long moment. “Yer gonna make a brilliant mum, hennie.”

She smiled and looked up at him. “You think so?”

He nodded. “I ken it.”

She kissed him. “You’re gonna be a great dad, too.”

Jack looked down at Emma and rubbed a thumb over her forehead, his hand dwarfing her little body.

“Unca Jack… Auntie?”

They both looked up at four-year-old Jason, Emma’s older brother.

Jack smiled. “Wha’s up, Jay?”

Jason fidgeted. “Are you feedin’ Emma? Can I watch?”

Jack nodded and patted his other knee. “Sure ye can, Jay!”

The boy clambered up the couch and perched on Jack’s knee, face slack in awe. “She’s so small and cute!”

Jack nodded. “I think she favors ye auntie, don’ye?”

“Favors?”

“Looks like. See, they’ve got the same nose…” Jack pulled away and studied the boy’s face comically. “Come te think of it… Ye’ve got the same nose too. Now I jus’ feel left oot. Can I borrow yer nose?”

The boy giggled and shook his head.

Jack looked aghast. “Wha’? No? Yer no’ gonna share wit’ me?”

“You can’t share noses!”

“Are ye sure?” Jack didn’t look convinced and Y/N set aside the bottle with a smile as Jack made to grab the boy’s nose. “I’m pretty sure ye can, but s’pose I’ll have te check.”

Jason squealed, hands flying to cover his nose from Jack’s pinching fingers. “No Unca Jack. I need my nose!”

“Well, I need it too Jay, m’lad. I don’t fit in!”

The boys quieted as she lifted Emma to her shoulder and gently patted her back.

“What’s she doing, Unca Jack?”

Jack smiled and wrapped his arm around the boy. “She gotta help ye sister burp.”

“She’s gonna make her burp?” The boy made a face. “That’s rude.”

Y/N giggled. “Not for babies, it isn’t.” Emma burped and Y/N gently cradled her again. “She has to burp so she doesn’t get sick.”

“Oh.” The boy leaned over his sister and touched her hair. “Soft.”

The girl yawned and stretched and they all watched quietly as she fell asleep. Five minutes later, Jack leaned forward and whispered into her hair. “Jay’s ‘sleep too.”

She looked up and chuckled. “Well let’s put them to bed. Shall we, rooster?”

He nodded. “We shall.”

Y/N stood, cradling little Emma against her chest and turned to watch Jack settled the boy against his shoulder.

She smiled and sighed, earning an arched eyebrow from Jack.

“Wha?”

“This is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen you do.”

He grinned. “Control yeself, hennie. There are children present.”

She rolled her eyes and led the way upstairs. They reached the boy’s room first and ever so gently, Jack laid the boy in his bed, before tiptoeing out of the room.

When Emma was safely snoozing in her crib, the couple stood in the doorway and revelled in the peaceful silence. Jack kissed her shoulder. “Stop taking yer birth control, hennie.”

She turned over her shoulder. “Are you sure?”

He nodded and kissed her forehead. “Aye. We want this and we’d be good at this. Let’s do it.”

She smiled and turned to wrap her arms around him. “We’re gonna start a family?”

He nodded.

“What are you two dumbies doing?”

They both turned to Mary, Y/N’s sister-in-law, and blushed. “Just watching the baby sleep.”

The woman smiled and peeked into the room. “You got her to sleep?”

Jack nodded. “Y/N’s a baby whisperer.”

She peeked in the other room. “Both of my children are sleeping? You are baby whisperers.” Mary chuckled. “Then yeah.. You two need to start a family. But get married first… or you’ll have to deal with your brother.”

Jack made a face. “Shite… I hadn’t thought about tha’. Bloody Americans…”

“I feel like shit.” She set aside her iPad and planner.

Jack frowned. “What’s wrong, lovie?”

She shrugged. “Just feel queasy.”

He touched her face. “I don’t know why I jus’ did tha’... If ye had a fever, I wouldnae know…” He chuckled.

Shaking her head at him, she smiled. “Useless man.”

“Can I get ye a tea?”

She nodded and Jack pushed to his feet. When he had returned with a cup for both of them, he stopped. Angus had jumped up on the couch and was all but laying in her lap.

“Away wit’ ye, beastie.”

Angus whined and tried to burrow even closer.

Jack frowned. “Angus, down.” Rather reluctantly, Angus obeyed. Jack shook his head. “I go te ge’ ye a cup’te an’ ye let the bloody dog steal me seat. I see ‘ow it is, hennie.”

She smiled and took her mug. “He was too cute. I couldn’t keep him off the couch.”

“He is a cute bugger.” He settled and sipped at his tea, leaning his head against her shoulder. “What do ye want te do fer dinner? Will ye even want te eat?”

She shrugged. “I’m sure I’ll be fine. Give it a couple hours and I’ll be right as rain.”

“Indian?”

She nodded. “That’s fine.”

It wasn’t fine. Jack and Angus had popped down to their local Indian take-away spot and the minute they had returned, before the door was even opened, Y/N was kneeling over the toilet, expelling the whole lot of nothing she’d eaten that day.

Jack started and set the food on the counter. “Hennie?”

“Back here?” She replied weakly.

Jack followed her voice back to the toilet. He cursed softly and moved to kneel next to her, holding back her hair. “Oh… lovie. Guess Indian won’t do, will it?”

She shook her head and continued dry-heaving.

“Do ye want me te make ye somethin’ else?”

“Jack, I don’t want to even think about food right now.”

A couple days later, the nausea hadn’t passed, though it raised its ugly head at the oddest of times, in the morning before she had eaten anything, at night right before she fell asleep.

Jack, worried and clucking about like the hen he always deemed her to be, dragged her off the couch and down to the local chemist.

“We gotta get ye somethin’, lovie. Ye need te be able to eat.”

“Don’t mention food…”

He shrugged and opened the door to the pharmacy for her. He went straight for the pharmacist while she petulantly trudged around the small shop, dreading the moment the currently delicious smell of pizza from next door would sour her stomach.

There it is…

She cussed and covered her nose with the sleeve of Jack’s jumper. The nausea passed after a few deep breaths and she realized what she had stopped in front of.

Pregnancy tests.

She did some quick math and nearly squealed. She had quit the birth control four months ago, and while her period hadn’t really regulated yet, she was technically late. She almost squealed again and grabbed a couple tests.

She set them next to the till and smiled while she waited for Jack, currently debating whether she was really sick with the chemist, to notice.

“Ah’m tellin’ ya, mate. She hasn’t been able t’bluidy et anythin’ bu’ dry toast all week.”

The pharmacist looked down at her to ask a question and noticed the boxes. He grinned and Jack nearly lost his head. “She’s bluidy-”

She grabbed his arm. “Baby.” She tapped the top box with a coy smile and Jack shrugged.

“He should-” He paused and then lifted one of the boxes to read the label. His eyes went wide and he nearly dropped the box. “Ye think, hennie?”

She shrugged. “It makes sense.”

Jack grabbed her up in a hug. “Jesus!”

She grinned. “We still have to take the test, rooster.”

He nodded and ran a hand through his hair. “Right.” He turned back to the pharmacist. “Right, sorry aboot tha’, mate.”

“It’s no problem.” The man reached for a pack of gum off to the side of the till. “Ginger gum to help with the morning sickness. Congratulations.”

Jack handed the man a twenty and rushed her out and back to the flat in record time. Spare twenty minutes later, they sat on the couch, Y/N in Jack’s lap, chewing the gum while distractedly scratching at Angus’ ears.

Her phone’s timer went off and they sprung off the couch, galloping across the flat towards the bathroom. Just outside the door, they paused and Jack grabbed her hand. They took a deep breath and stepped into the toilet at the same time.

Her hands flew to her mouth and her eyes misted. “Oh my god.”

Jack peered over her shoulder. “Yes!” He made a little hop and then gathered her against his chest. “Yer preggers, hennie.”

She nodded and reached up to pull him down to her. “We’re having a baby!”

He kissed her. “God, I love ye woman.”

She nodded and he reached up to wipe at her cheeks. “I love ye too, rooster.”

He laid his hand over her abdomen. “I love ye too, bairn.”

Fight Up Next: Shotgun

#jack lowden

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vintagemichelle91 · 8 years ago

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A Little Lesson in Expecting: Chapter 5

Authors’ Note: A happy Christmas came and went and as the birth of the twins gets ever so close, let us see how Rafael and Natalia further prepare for their arrival. Thank you all so much for the wonderful feedback!! @rauliskafan and I are so loving it and we hope to hear more from you soon!! Enjoy!!!

“This says that a water birth is the gentlest and the most natural way to bring a baby into the world. See, hermosa?”

Turning away from the taxi’s window, Natalia trained her stare on Rafael’s phone as he scrolled through one of the countless articles that he always seemed to be reading when he managed a free moment.

Even though she told him it was less than necessary.

“Natalia, are you following along?” he asked.

“Atticus, how am I supposed to read when you page through so fast?”

“Sorry. But see?”

Slowing the path of his thumb against the screen, Rafael waited as Natalia took in a few sentences espousing the benefits of the babies transitioning from the womb to somewhat similar surroundings.

“Well?” he asked, his voice eager for her approval.

“I had Violetta in our living room,” Natalia reminded him. “And she’s no worse for the…”

Stopping herself when she suddenly realized what she was saying, Natalia saw Rafael’s face cloud over, and she hated herself for dredging up one of the darker chapters from his past, from their past. Especially when he always took so many steps to keep the shadows at bay.

“I’m sorry,” Natalia murmured, lowering her eyes as she felt his hand on her arm.

“It’s fine,” he assured her with a light kiss. “After all, you did have the three godfathers in training to help you along.”

“Yes,” she agreed, raising her head. “They’ve all looked after her right from the start. But this time---”

“This time we’re getting you to the hospital before the main event, and I’m going to be with you every step of the way.”

“The main event?” Natalia echoed, just pulling back from his touch. “You make it sound like the twins and I are going to duke it out in a boxing ring.”

“You were the one who said they were going at it all afternoon,” Rafael replied, laying his hand on her ever-growing tummy.

“Fair point,” Natalia concurred. “But when the moment is right I want no drama. Not even from you, my precious pumpkins.”

Making a face, Rafael swiftly shook his head.

“I know,” Natalia started. “It doesn’t work.”

“We have two more months to get everything just right.”

Which was why he insisted on the childbirth class even as Natalia stated repeatedly that she had gone through the motions and was something of a pro when it came to the so-called main event. But Rafael was not leaving anything to chance, fearing that her labor would come at the height of a blizzard with no hope of an ambulance getting through the storm. Hence him rearranging the townhouse and placing a chair just outside the bathroom so she could sit in the shower and let the warm water soothe her limbs, her back, before she had to keep moving.

“It’s going to be perfect,” she said, spying a pizzeria out of the corner of her eye, her appetite for olives mingled with extra pineapple not yet squelched. And she tugged on her husband’s sleeve.

“No,” he said, his voice gentle but firm. “I brought snacks. And Maggie will have leftovers for us when we get home.”

“But, Atticus, I’m dying for---”

“Business before pleasure, hermosa.”

She sighed as the cab crept up to the curb. Paying the driver, Rafael rushed to the other side, his hands careful and strong as he eased her to the sidewalk, verifying the address as he tried the door and groaned when their feet passed over the threshold.

“What’s wrong?” Natalia asked.

“No elevator,” he said. “This class got five stars. I hardly see why if they don’t---”

“I thought you wanted me to keep moving,” Natalia said as she started up the first step.

“Careful!” he warned.

“I need to stretch my legs, Atticus,” she said, stopping as the twins stirred, and Rafael tightly wrapped one arm around her shoulders.

“If this is too much, I’ll chase the cab down and we can---”

“It’s not a problem,” she said, patting his cheek and resuming her ascent. Rafael kept his hands close as they worked their way to the third floor and peered through a small window to see other couples borrowing mats and pillows from a bin before finding their spots on the floor.

“See,” Natalia began. “You didn’t need to bring---”

“Germs, hermosa,” he said, reaching into the satchel at his side to reveal a bright pink yoga mat and a matching throw pillow still fitted with its price tag.

“If the twins prefer blue down the line, we’ll do nothing but support that,” Rafael insisted. “But to start off, I wanted to go a little more traditional.”

“That’s sweet,” Natalia smiled.

“Would you believe that they tried to sell me something yellow?” he said. “That’s for people who haven’t picked names and don’t pay attention to details.”

“I see,” Natalia said. “Hope it wasn’t too much trouble.”

“I made them search in the back and when they didn’t have the right color, I went to their website and had it overnighted.”

“And then you were there first thing the next morning, right?”

“Naturally.”

Nibbling on her lower lip, Natalia wanted to tell him that he needed to take a step back, that everything was going according to their fondest hopes and plans. But he seemed so proud of the pink products, and she let her comments slide as they joined the other expectant parents, Rafael deciding on a space close to the door as he helped her out of her coat and laid out the mat and pillow.

“Why here?” Natalia asked.

“In case we need to make a quick exit,” he said, easing her to the ground and pulling out one of her cashmere sweaters to drape around her shoulders.

“And so you won’t catch cold,” he continued.

“Rafael, I… we don’t need to sit here,” she said. “We won’t be able to hear---”

“I’m on it!”

Leaving her for a moment, he set his iPad close to the front of the room and set the device to record before racing back.

“See? If you miss anything, we can review it at home.”

“Lucky us,” Natalia muttered under her breath.

“What was that?” he asked, his smile so sweet that she didn’t have the heart to shoot him down and simply stroked his cheek.

“I’m so lucky that you thought of everything, Atticus,” she said. Rafael promptly kissed her hand and shifted closer as a woman wearing a long paisley skirt and a billowing blouse called the class to attention, waving her wide arms in the air.

“Thank you all for braving the cold to join us tonight,” the woman started. Rafael pulled Natalia’s sweater closer and kissed her temple as he focused on the instructor with rapt attention. “I’m Brenda, and why don’t we start with some how-do-you-dos?”

The other pairs of parents began introducing themselves, the couple closest to the front of the room sounding very young and so excited about the prospect of having their first child and cuddling the infant close in bed.

“Not a good idea,” Rafael said.

“Atticus, don’t.”

“The same room is one thing, Natalia. But a baby needs his or her own space. Not to mention that a person can roll over and---”

“Not everyone hogs the bed.”

Realizing that the comment came out curt, Natalia suddenly saw his face fall and kissed his cheek before pointing to the next couple that had the floor.

“And I was with Madeline’s sister when she delivered our niece,” a redhead remarked as she held her partner’s hand. “I know something about slow and steady breaths and---”

“Hold up,” Rafael said, speaking up as Natalia tried and failed to shush him.

“Yes?” Brenda asked. “Sir, do you have something to---?”

“Slow breaths are best for the initial stages of labor. But once the contractions are full on, it’s best to breathe every two to three seconds.”

Natalia felt her face flush, every eye in the room turning to their pink mat, and she grabbed her husband’s arm as Brenda glided towards them.

“You seem like you know your stuff,” she said.

“It’s our second child,” Rafael confirmed touching Natalia’s tummy. “And our third.”

“Twins!” Brenda exclaimed, clapping her hands. “Well we’re so pleased that you could---”

“And I can tell you… yes the two of you up front.” The first couple shot them a quick stare. “You do not want to have the baby in bed with you. I can recommend some high-quality cribs if---”

“That won’t be necessary,” Brenda interjected. “Mr…”

“He’s Rafael, and I’m Natalia.”

“Welcome to both of you. Let’s say we get started.”

Right away Brenda started describing clothing choices and massage techniques to ease the mothers through delivery.

“You didn’t mention any oil,” Rafael said. “Or lotion.”

“I was getting to that, Rafael,” Brenda responded.

“Start with that in the future,” he suggested. “In case anyone else is taking notes or recording what the class. Don’t want them to have to keep flipping back.”

“I’ll take that into consideration,” Brenda said through gritted teeth. “Let’s move on to the breathing.”

�� “Slow before fast,” Rafael said, his eyes scanning the room, seeming so proud of himself for knowing the difference. Wrapping his legs around Natalia’s sides, he held her head close to his chest, his long fingers lovingly stroking her belly as she breathed with the other expectant mothers. Brenda paused before another couple and discussed the Beatles as a musical choice for the delivery room.

“But I… Brenda, can I just cut in for another second here?”

Rafael did not wait for a reply one way or the other as he crawled forward, bringing up yet another article on his phone and shoving the screen towards the slack-jawed faces.

“This talks about simulating a soothing environment,” he continued. “Babbling brook, songbirds.”

“We’re not having the kid in a forest,” the father-to-be griped.

“You’re not having the baby in the 1960’s either,” Rafael said. “Now I’m not one to knock the classics, and as I know a thing or two about opera, this…”

Natalia saw the other parents sporting looks to kill as Rafael found another article that he had to have bookmarked.

“…this talks about using a combination of Puccini and Wagner to instill a love of languages right off the bat. Our oldest daughter is already speaking some Spanish, and I have to say that the fact that my wife and I listen to and love opera has to have---”

“Thank you, Rafael,” Brenda said. “I think… maybe it’s time that we took our first break of the evening.”

Shrugging his shoulders, Rafael returned to Natalia, and she quickly cupped his face in her hands.

“Atticus, calm down,” she whispered.

“I am calm,” he said. “And these people are lucky. They’re getting two classes for the price of one.”

Her head fell to his shoulder, and Natalia ran her fingers up and down his arm, adoring him for wanting everything to show off some even as she wished that---

“Rafael? Natalia? A word?”

Brenda hovered over them, and Rafael was quick to help his wife to her feet, reaching for his iPad to catch whatever the instructor might say as they followed her to a quiet corner. Cracking her knuckles, Brenda swallowed before she spoke.

“I’ve been talking to some of the other parents,” she finally said. “And see the thing is… well the consensus is…”

“Is there a problem?” Rafael asked.

“It’s… more than apparent that you’ve studied hard. But you’re kind of ruining this for everyone else, and the others… well they all would like you to leave.”

In the back of her mind, Natalia had seen it coming, knew that Rafael was dancing too close to the edge as she reached for his hand, intending to lead him back to their things so they could make their exit and---

“Excuse me?” Rafael seethed. “You’re showing us the door?”

“Rafael, it’s fine.”

“Do you have any idea who I am?” he challenged, ignoring his wife.

“A very devoted father no doubt,” Brenda said. “Believe me; this isn’t a personal attack.”

“It certainly feels that way,” he countered. “And for your edification, I’m with the DA’s office. I will make it a point to see that you and this entire non-elevator operation is brought up on charges of discrimination for this... outrage.”

Holding her breath, Natalia watched Brenda ponder the possibility of the lawsuit when she pressed her hands to her hips.

“I’d be happy to set up a private session if your schedules would allow it,” Brenda offered.

“Now that might be---”

“As if we’d agree to that now,” Rafael said, quickly cutting Natalia off and taking her hand. Buttoning up her coat, he led her to the door with their belongings under his arm. “And we will see ourselves out.”

Brenda stayed silent as they hurried to the steps, Rafael grumbling under his breath until they hit the ground floor, his eyes locked on his phone the entire way down.

“Don’t you worry, hermosa” he started. “There are laws against this kind of thing.”

“Atticus, it’s really not her fault. You shouldn’t---”

“She’s giving in to a mob mentality,” Rafael continued. “I will not stand by and allow my family to be slighted because she’s too cowardly to---”

“Stop, Rafael.”

With a firm hand, Natalia stilled his mouth, catching her breath as she peered into his eyes, and his cheek curled into her palm.

“Why are you telling me to…? I only want the best for you. For the girls. I have been studying hard.”

“Then we don’t need this class,” Natalia said, struggling somewhat to the tips of her toes as her lips found his, and she felt his arms wind around her ample waist. “Because we have you.”

He buried his head in her shoulder, his kisses floating towards her neck as she absorbed every inch of his affection and waited until his breath calmed. Only then did she press two fingers under his chin to make him meet her eyes again.

“I can do more, hermosa,” he said. “If… if you want the private session, I’ll go back up there and---”

“Please stop talking and just come with me.”

Holding his hand tighter, the warmth of his skin warding off the chill as they marched into the icy night, Natalia shuddered against him as he tried to keep her close while balancing the bag holding the mat and the pillow.

Stopping in her tracks, Natalia ripped the parcel from his grasp.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“It’s weighing you down,” Natalia whispered. “Even though the pink is so pretty.” Another taxi cab drew near, and Natalia flagged the car down, placing the pink package in the backseat and asking the driver to wait as she took Rafael’s arm.

“Walk with me,” she said. His green eyes flickered under the streetlight as they found a quiet park. Natalia exhaled at the sight and led him to a lonely bench, beckoning him to sit.

“Aren’t you freezing?” he asked.

“A little,” she admitted.

“We can’t have---”

“Then hold me, Atticus.”

Obliging without another word, Rafael folded her into his embrace, his lips dotting her hair as a fresh snow began to fall. Natalia snuggled into his chest, her kisses trailing their way from his neck to his cheek until she looked into his eyes once more.

“You don’t have to try so hard,” she said. “It’s absolutely adorable, but I don’t need it.”

“You didn’t need that class where no one knew what they were doing,” he muttered as she placed a quick kiss on his cheek and inched closer, almost sitting in his lap as he brushed a few flakes of snow from her eyelashes and turned up her collar.

“I’m fine with only you,” Natalia continued. “Our world is all that I want. Don’t you know that by now?”

As soon as he nodded, Natalia stole a kiss. His hands travelled down her arms, and the cold seemed seasons away until Rafael pushed back, shaking his head.

“Atticus?”

“I’m going to be there this time around,” he said, his voice determined.

“I know that.”

“And I don’t want anything to go wrong,” he continued.

“Nothing will. As long as I have you.”

He tried to speak when his words simply came out as a smoky sigh, and he leaned over his legs.

“But I… I wasn’t there when Violetta was born.”

“Rafael, you---”

“And we should drop it. But we know what can go wrong. It kills me to think that I might let you down again if---”

“Shhh.”

Natalia eased him back into her, her hands warming his cheeks as she pressed her brow to his and closed her eyes.

“We’ve been through the tough times, Atticus. But I wouldn’t trade any of it when I think of what we have. And what I don’t want…”

His green eyes grew wide as she caressed his face and released a little laugh.

“What I don’t want is you tied up in some legal mess. You’re meant to be with me when Hazel and Holly take their first breaths. Their first steps. When they say their first words.”

His gaze softened, and Natalia rested her head to the sound of his heartbeat and the feel of his fingers threading through her hair.

“Slow down, hermosa,” he said, his own laugh cutting through the cold and making the park, the bench a warmer place. “You’ll have them getting ready for their first day of school before the night is out.”

“Sorry,” Natalia whispered. “We’ll keep them all home until they’re seventy-eight.”

“I’ll be ancient by then,” he remarked.

“You’ll have me around to keep you young.”

Unable to resist him, Natalia finally sat in his lap, the cold forgotten as she looped her arms around his neck, savoring the feel of his breath on her face.

“That’s all there is to it,” she said. “Forget slow or fast. Just keep breathing through everything, and we’ll have two little miracles in no time flat.”

Rubbing her back, Rafael smiled and nodded his head.

“Got the first one the day I married you,” he said. “And I want more, Natalia. But it can only happen if…”

When he failed to finish the thought, Natalia stroked his arms, waiting in silence at the sight of his stare clouding over until he spoke again.

“I said something to Liv once. When Adam Conway…”

He swallowed the second part of his statement back and pulled her as close as he could with the twins sleeping between them.

“No bad thoughts,” Rafael said. “But the one thing I will say… I can’t breathe without you, mi hermosa flor.”

“And you’ll never have to, Atticus. Because you have me forever.”

They sat in the falling snow, their smoky breaths mingling in the air until their lips locked, and Natalia twirled one lock of his hair between her fingers, smiling at the silver accentuated in the moonlight.

“Violetta did see there are products for this,” she reminded him.

“Are you saying that you want me to change?” Rafael asked.

“You had us thrown out of a Lamaze class on a cold winter’s night.”

His face drooped until she cradled his chin and found his smile.

“That could only happen with Rafael Barba. And I don’t want you any other way.”

#rafael barba #raul esparza #law and order svu #svu fanfiction #natalia barba #raúl esparza #Rafael Barba/OC #a hard lesson series #a little lesson in expecting

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jacewilliams1 · 5 years ago

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Two memorable days of flying with my son

I like to think there are a handful of driving forces in my life. Family and flying are two of those and, thanks to a supportive family, I sometimes get to combine those. My jack-of-all-trades FBO/mechanic/pilot/instructor career choice often means that flying takes me away from the family, but during a special couple of days I got to share an airplane delivery trip with my nine-year old.

The trip was simple. A long-time customer called to request my services for two trips. He needed me to fly him to Florida in his TBM 850 for a week’s stay. Also he was wondering if I would be willing to deliver his Carbon Cub from Florida to Iowa. He, of course, had me at Carbon Cub and the tentative dates were set. I let my wife know that I had a few more overnights in my future. We briefly discussed that our oldest son Sullivan might enjoy the trip, but I kinda felt it might be too much for a nine-year old and I certainly didn’t want to burn this little aviation nut out.

The night before the trip, the boys helped me get the TBM ready and I thought the plan was firm. It was… until Sullivan overheard us talking about how long it would take me to get home in the Carbon Cub. His response was, “You’re flying a Carbon Cub home from Florida? Can I go?” Megan and I looked at each other: I’m thinking his weight won’t be much of an issue, and Megan’s thinking it’s the end of the summer and the boys have been fighting a lot.

This is gonna be fun…

The last thing I need on a long trip is a distraction, but Sullivan has been a great little flying buddy from nearly day one. He’s literally flown hundreds of hours with me and he is a great stick holder, traffic spotter, and chart/NOTAM reader. So here we go: 2000 miles, two airplanes, and two days with my son. I could hardly wait until morning!

The trip, like so many adventures in my life, starts and ends at PEA (Pella Municipal Airport.) This is our home airport, five minutes from our home, where I soloed, where my dad instructed in the 70s, 90s and after, and where we have run a little FBO for nearly 20 years.

The first leg was PEA-DSM – 12 minutes in the air with Sullivan in the right seat. He has ridden in the TBM before and even tried his hand at the controls. But in typical Sullivan fashion, each flight brings a new level of appreciation and a new series of questions. Today’s fascination was the feather check, which he immediately connected to the angle of the blades he saw on the preflight. I was sure he would bring it up again.

We landed in Des Moines and picked up the owner and his family. Sullivan happily moved to the back so the owner could join me up front. The trip down was three hours and 15 minutes and as perfect as it could be. Sullivan joined in playing cards in the back and even learned a couple of games he planned to teach us. He occasionally put on a headset to talk to us up front, including additional propeller feathering questions. Once he learned where the ETA is on the MFD, we heard him periodically tell the other passengers how far we were out (to the second).

We landed at Leesburg, Florida, and were greeted by the excellent FBO there and a couple of corporate pilot friends from Pella who were there for the day. I knew they would be there, but forgot to tell Sullivan – which made it a good surprise for him and a good reinforcement that aviation is a very small world.

As we descended, the typical midday Florida CB clouds were appearing and as we took the short ride to the grass strip to get the Cub, they were growing. I was not hungry and thinking about the forecast thunderstorms so I forget to get lunch for Sullivan. Possibly good risk management but bad parenting. Sullivan’s subtle hint was, “Dad I can’t remember where we had lunch.” I made sure he was ok for a while and promised him a cheeseburger at the first stop.

We picked up the Cub at a beautiful grass strip, appropriately named “Grassroots.” The hangar door was opened, and the airplane looked as good as the last time I saw it, and I had a strong desire to fly it. Scattered thunderstorms would be developing soon and the goal was simple: get as far as we could that day, with low risk. If that was 30 miles, no problem. We were traveling by light airplane now and we would go with the flow.

Like the businessman stranded in Mayberry, we were about to see the beauty of a slow-paced life. The battery was weak on the start and life experience told me it was a sign of things to come. Sullivan rode in this Carbon Cub a few years ago, but he got refreshed on its performance in a hurry.

As we climbed to pattern altitude before the end of the runway, he was doing pilot talk (“This baby really climbs;” “We wouldn’t be near this high in the Champ, she’s got a ton of power.”) in an excited kid’s voice. I was thankful for a good intercom and headsets because I couldn’t get enough of that.

Father and son and sun – a perfect combination.

We were off and heading north and it’s hard to explain how good things felt. Father and son and sun and a great airplane to boot. Sun and puffy clouds turned to more gray and rain shafts as we continued. We had ADS-B to the iPad and XM Weather to a Garmin handheld, but the eyeball is the best way to work around this stuff. Sullivan was interested in the weather; he watched snakes of lightning in the distance and commented about the cool air coming in the vents as we got close to rain showers. The ride was not completely smooth, but Sullivan is a seasoned pro and he didn’t seem to even notice.

The first fuel stop in an airplane you’ve never flown cross-country should be deliberately short of where it could be and ours was. We targeted Valdosta or Albany, Georgia, as the furthest we intended to go. As we approached Valdosta, the showers were filling in to the north and it looked like time to stop. We landed, taxied to the FBO and the first noise we heard after the headsets came off was thunder in the distance.

Our timing was good – the storms were building – so now it was to work on getting the light Cub (which suddenly seemed very fragile) into a hangar. When we attempted to start the airplane to take it to the hangar, it was evident that the battery was a problem. The generous FBO staff helped us get the airplane in a hangar and we borrowed the crew car to shop for a replacement battery. Fortunately, since we were dealing with an experimental aircraft, an exact replacement battery was found at a nearby NAPA and it was quickly installed.

With the battery installed, it was evident that the rain was staying and Valdosta was our overnight stop. As someone who averages one night a week in a hotel by myself flying for customers, I can’t begin to explain how cool it is to sneak my son along for a night.

After forgetting lunch, I promised Sullivan he could order anything he wanted for dinner. He took me up on my offer and skipped the kids’ menu and went for the steak and ribs combo. He ordered a flavored tea like me and took note of the waiter’s offer of unlimited refills and flavor options. Like any flight crew on an overnight, we reminisced about the day’s flying and chatted about what might be going on at home. I was not used to monitoring my copilot’s caffeine intake and Sullivan got our money’s worth on the tea refills. On the short walk back to the hotel, it became evident that Sullivan won’t be falling asleep anytime soon.

It rained nearly non-stop all evening and into the night. Sullivan now thinks that Valdosta is just about the rainiest place on earth. It’s fun to pull up ForeFlight radar sometimes and say, “Sullivan, guess where it’s raining today?” Like any pilot he gets that “been there, done that” tone in his voice when he says “Valdosta!”

We stayed up late like kings in our two hotel beds watching many episodes of “American Pickers.” Somehow I hadn’t watched it with Sullivan, who is an old soul himself and he remains hooked on it to this day. The alarm came early in the morning and the weather looked as if it might be a good day to finish the rest of the trip.

We ate a hotel breakfast together (another special father-son chat) and caught an Uber ride to the airport. Although the forecast was good, fog started to develop as we headed to the airport. We were taking no chances on this trip and we were happy to wait together on the FBO couch as long as needed (although we both knew we could have slept in a little longer). The fog delay eliminated a small surprise stop in Tullahoma at the Beechcraft Heritage Museum for my little Staggerwing fan. It wouldn’t be too far out of the way, but I knew if we stopped it would eliminate any chance to get home before an approaching weather system.

The fog cleared and we were off above green trees and scattered low clouds. The first leg was picture perfect. I don’t know what my pilot-dad sees from heaven, but I remember thinking he’d love to see Sullivan and I gliding over those scattered clouds in a shiny Cub. The whole trip became a geography lesson for Sullivan. We talked about what we had seen from high in the TBM on the way down and now we were experiencing the change in sights and smells from Central Florida to Southern Georgia. We saw logging below, which triggered a lot of discussion about the when’s and how’s of logging.

Watching the world go by from the window of a Cub.

As we started passing over fields, Sullivan asked what kind of fields they were. I noticed we passed by Jimmy Carter Regional Airport so I said with Dad-like confidence, “Those are peanut fields, son.” Whether I was right or not, Sullivan was happy with the answer, and he said he could almost smell the peanuts through the open window.

Our first fuel stop of the day put us just west of the Atlanta Class B at an airport with more than 5,000 feet of runway, lots of hangars, and self-serve fuel. Sullivan was excited to show off the Carbon Cub as we pulled up to the self-serve pump. After all, a nine-year old doesn’t have to spend much time on YouTube to know that Carbon Cubs and other fat-tired taildraggers ooze coolness.

As we got out of the Cub, a young line guy in the fuel truck pulled away with a nod. We fueled ourselves and headed inside for a restroom break and saw no one. No one asked about the airplane, our trip, or where we were from. Sullivan, who loves to talk to people at airports, was noticeably disappointed as we took off for our longest leg.

“What was that, a turtle airport?” Sullivan said, looking back as we departed. “Everyone put their head in their shell when we showed up.” Wow! I thought to myself, not only does he understand the problem with that experience, he’s put a name to it. Sullivan was sitting in the back in the sling seat with ForeFlight running on an iPad in his lap as we climbed into the smooth air.

His view was not as good as mine. He’s a great passenger but he’s a flyer too and loves to try his hands on the controls of anything we fly. I asked if he would like to fly and I felt his hand grasp the stick before he could say yes. After some swerving left and right, he developed a way to hold a heading using the iPad and he flew most of our longest leg to Murray, Kentucky.

Our experience at Murray was different, as we expected. Johnny Parker was working his last days before retirement as the airport manager. I’ve spent many days waiting for passengers at Murray and Sullivan has met Johnny at Oshkosh and Blakesburg. We got the full-service treatment from Johnny’s replacement while Johnny admired the Carbon Cub, with Sullivan pointing out all the cool features.

We grabbed the courtesy van and ran into town for some Culver’s cheeseburgers to go. As we were heading north again in some afternoon bumps, Sullivan declared, “These are the best cheeseburgers ever.” I smiled, knowing the kid eats Culver’s burgers weekly and he was enjoying eating with me in the airplane as much as I was enjoying it with him.

After the burgers were gone, we were over terrain that looked a little more like home. Sullivan asked the inevitable question, the elephant-in-the cockpit if you will, “Will we make it home tonight?”

“No guarantees, buddy, only if we can do it safely.” I didn’t want either one of us to have get-home-itis when we were flying. We took turns flying this leg.

A little diversion north and we were well clear of weather in the St. Louis area. We stopped at a small airport in Illinois for some self-serve fuel. As we pulled up to the pumps, there was a car at the terminal, but by the time we were done fueling no one was in sight. Sullivan missed out on another chance to show off the Cub and talk about our trip. We used the restroom and loaded up; we were in range of home now, there was plenty of daylight, and the weather looked as if it would hold off until after dark. As we climbed out, Sullivan said, “Another turtle airport, Dad.” He gets it.

I said, “That’s why we work hard to make sure our airport isn’t a turtle airport, buddy,” and he knew exactly what I meant by that.

A trip that will live forever in a boy’s memory.

A few minutes into the leg, Sullivan asked if it would be ok if he closed his eyes to rest a little while. He had been a trooper and, of course, I told him it was ok, but secretly I was sad that I wouldn’t hear his voice from the back for a while. I realized how much I had enjoyed spending every waking moment with him for the past two days. Fortunately, Sullivan got his second wind after about 45 seconds and father-son front seater/back seater chatter continued.

We crossed the Mississippi and discussed it a while. Our home state greeted us with 3000 overcast and scattered rain showers. Once in Iowa, Sullivan asked if we would make it home tonight: “No guarantees.”

When we dodged a rain shower by Ottumwa 33 miles from home, he asked again: “No guarantees.” And when Pella was in sight: “No guarantees.” Sullivan got my point and just before our mains touched runway 16 at Pella he asked again: “No guarantees, but it’s looking pretty good.” We both had big smiles as the wheels touched.

The trip was complete.

It was a highlight of our summer and we talk of it often. Times will change, and no doubt Sullivan and his little brother Meyer will take on other interests in addition to or in place of flying. But for a couple of days, Sullivan and I floated above God’s green earth together. We had a job to do, we got it done, we learned about what makes airports special, we smiled, we ate, and we enjoyed each other’s company.

It was a time I’ll always cherish and it was made possible by an enthusiastic nine-year old, an understanding customer, and a long-suffering supportive wife. I apparently didn’t burn Sullivan out. He’s asked if I think we could borrow the Carbon Cub to take to the High Sierra Fly-in and little Meyer is five now, so I have some time to look for a similar work to share an adventure with him.

The post Two memorable days of flying with my son appeared first on Air Facts Journal.

from Engineering Blog https://airfactsjournal.com/2019/06/two-memorable-days-of-flying-with-my-son/

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kivaqblog-blog · 8 years ago

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What It Was Like, Finding Karen

I’m dropping the first part of the original piece, and giving it a different name and changing a few things, to see if it works better. It’s more to-the-point now, and Karen is more vivid to me too.

I came out. It was great. It’s scary as fuck. I've never really worn women's clothing outside, or inside either, until recently. I got my femme on reading radical feminist books in the early 70s, I never learned how to wear all this stuff. Or jewelry and a purse (which turns out to be very handy, compared to a backpack). I mean, I love it, it's a kind of happy I didn't expect, along with the getting-used-to-it part. But I still have a lot to learn compared to the trans women I see posting selfies: finding my style, what I look good and feel good in. We're going to the CAE Prom, I've never gone because I didn't wear dresses before, so what was the point?

So, I'm out. Finally. To be clear, I am 58. And I can't even put on makeup, so I don't. But estrogen saved my soul, I was about done for, consumed with anger and pain. Now ... it's different. I have to write this out later, it's important.

But I was talking about outness. There’s the outside part, like dealing with the world, being visible but not hypervisible, meaning so visible it’s painful or scary. Learning to get out of and into a cardigan in a crowded New York (all crowded to varying degrees). And there’s also the inside part, which I’d been ignoring for years, since my therapist passed in 2010. My inner child, or as I called her, my inner kid. For a few years in the late 80s-early 90s the phrase was everywhere, to the point of annoyance. It sounded like psychobabble. Maybe it was. But I understand now. (Probably the estrogen.) I remembered, I do have an inner kid. I’d left her down there in my subconscious, and I realized I needed to find her and bring her back. It had been long enough.

I went looking for her. Trepidatiously at first, because it involved going back inside, down into the part where I have to step over broken things, sharp edges. It’s not a happy place. And it’s hard to see.

But when I finally made my way down there, she wasn’t a kid anymore. She looked more like my inner early adolescent. She had one of those shaved-on-one-side, dyed-rainbow haircuts, and was wearing earrings that I felt oddly envious of until I realized she had “borrowed” them from Kathleen. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a black turtleneck, and she was wearing glasses, the red cat’s-eye frames which were the ones I’d really wanted to get the other day at Urban Optical. She was reading a webcomic on her iPad — Goodbye to Halos, I think — and humming some kind of tune I couldn’t identify, some folk song. She looked about eleven or twelve now. Still sitting on the same stool, still without her feet touching the floor. Something dangerous or bad down there, maybe; she was always sitting up on that stool. Did she even know I was here?

“Karen?” I said, using the name I remember wishing I’d had when I was nine. She stopped humming. “I’m here to take you home,” I said. “I’m sorry this all took so long.” I felt awkward, ashamed, guilty, inadequate to the task, the usual array of inward negativity.

She darkened her screen and sighed, but she didn’t look up at first. Then she spoke. She’d never done that before. Her voice was surprisingly soft. Calm. “Don’t apologize, Mama. You didn’t do anything wrong, you have to remember that. It’s like Aunt Lyssa told you.”

“What’s like …” Aunt Lyssa? Wtf? “… what did Alyssa tell me?” I was totally thrown by this girl. Every time I’d risked this before, she was this miserable battered child who couldn’t speak, didn’t react. It was terrible, just looking at her. She looked like everything that had ever happened to me.

That was years ago, the last time, more or less. She never changed. I tried holding her, cleaning her face and her hair, comforting her, even singing to her before now. It had never helped. She seemed limp, dead, but she wasn’t, quite. She could feel pain; I could tell that much. It’s what she thought she was made for.

Now, she was years older, and alive, it seemed. And talking. Talkative, even. She sounded like she was trying to be patient with me, ffs.

She looked up, and her eyes were brown, not green, but she was still me.

She looked at me very seriously. “When she came over for dinner, Aunt Lyssa said to not be so hard on yourself, that no one should ever be ashamed of how long their transition takes. Because anyone’s transition is a struggle. We’re each different, even if everyone has to fight this fight, if they’re girls like us. Or boys. Bois.” I could tell she meant a different spelling the second time. “Transfolx. This is ‘the hardest thing you’ll ever do,’ right?”

I just nodded. “And each of us has to walk our own path, and for us, our path has been really twisty, and it crossed over places we’d been before, and sometimes it felt like being lost. Sometimes it felt like we were going in circles.” She made little diagrams in the air with her hands, twisty ones that crossed in three dimensions, squiggles and circles and spirals. She was looking at me like she’d been thinking about nothing but this for a long time, and had been waiting to get my undivided attention. “Like that line from the song you kept listening to, after we lost the last elect: We’ve been in this room before.”

“I know. You’ve never left this room. When I came looking for you before, even in the 90s, it was awful. You couldn’t move, or speak. You never got older. Like you weren’t allowed to feel comforted. Like the girl in the dark room, in The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas. The LeGuin story.”

She closed her eyes and gave me a curt nod: yes, I’ve read everything you’ve ever read and no, I’d rather not talk about that story right now. I kept going. “It seemed like we were only created in order to feel pain. I couldn’t even help myself, much less you. I changed in the 90s, once I started taking estrogen I felt healed, for a while. But I couldn’t heal you. When everything seemed to go wrong in 2000, I ran away. I was so easily broken back then, and I broke. I am so sorry I left you here.” No response. “Do you remember anything from before?”

“I remember everything. I mean, not every-thing. There are a lot of parts I can’t remember specifically, but I remember it all inside, everything that happened to us, everything we felt. Our body remembers. I remember what it was like, you hiding your feelings inside me, then hiding me, in order to survive.”

I’d meant before as in before-Nineties, our first transition, but she seemed to think I meant the abuse, since everything always seems to point back toward it. For some reason I thought I needed to explain. “Our body remembers feeling afraid, inside,” I started, “in this way you can’t just leave behind, because of what she did to Carol and us. It’s called PT—”

“I know what it’s called,” she said, exasperated. “I do have an iPad, you know. I’m not completely dependent on your sensory input for information anymore.”

“Okay, sorry.” Jeez. Touchy kid. And a bit of a smart-ass. I have to focus: she’s me, and I came to get us both, and take us home. I’m not here to get into an argument with myself.

She looked a bit sheepish after that remark, but didn’t want to actually apologize. “I mean, thanks for the iPad, it does help a lot.”

“You’re welcome,” I said, bewildered, and added pointlessly, “There are a lot of them around now,” as if that explained why she now had one, along with the power of speech and something of an attitude. And why she was several years older. Maybe it did explain it, I’m still not sure exactly what happened in there over the last couple of years.

“It helped a lot, when I was trying to get ready. I can see much better who we are now. All of us, any of us. Whichever ‘us’ you have in mind. Transfolx, or our sisters, trans and cis and lesbian and bi and enby. I’ve been reading. I tried to teach myself a little about intersectionality. I tried my best to relearn the non-binary P3 personal pronouns they and them treated grammatically like S3 she and he, and the singular ending, such as themself. And I learned to stop thinking of ourself as S3 neuter gender: we’re not an it, we’re a she.

“Just the way it felt to begin with. You remember? It seemed a lot simpler then, when we were little. There were two genders, one neutral pronoun, and three television networks. And we didn’t know exactly why we were the wrong gender. But boy, were we ever wrong.

“If we were growing up in Northampton – or Amherst – if we were growing up now, I suppose we might see it somewhat differently. We might at least have been seen differently, at least seen by others like us, or similar to us. Everyone seems to be non-binary now. I’m still not entirely sure what that means. But it never happened, we never met anyone else like us or even similar to us, even after we came to New York, not for a very long time. Except queer women of course, but that was problematic back then. Until we fell in love with Kathleen.

“When we were a kid, we never quite understood in the first place why we weren’t a girl anymore, did we? We can’t remember when they did it, we can’t really remember the before-time, or what happened when they tried to convince us we were a boy, that we had no choice in the matter. I think we cried a lot.” She sounded pretty certain, like she had a better grip on the dimly distant past from where she sat than I did. “Yes,” I agreed, “I suppose we did.”

“It probably felt like we’d done something terribly wrong, like we were being punished for something really bad we did by having to be a boy from now on. We remembered just enough from before for it to seem hideously unfair, I think, something taken away from us for no good reason. We kept asking for pink, metaphorically, and getting baby blue instead.

“We were happy when we were a girl, damn it! We liked it! I know that now.” She sounded angry, for the first time. “We couldn’t remember being a girl, exactly, just being happy. Spinning around so our skirt flew up, until we got dizzy and fell on the grass. We never forgot our skirt, did we? We just didn’t know what it was, that memory. Just an image, of a skirt flying up, and seen from our point of view, and the idea that it was fun.”

I tried to take a deep breath, exhale, let it go. “No,” I said, finally, “we never forgot that, I made sure of that somehow. And we never understood.”

“And our mother’s motivations are irrelevant now; everyone must have convinced her it was terribly wrong, raising us as a girl, when it was actually one of the few things she got right. It became the terrible mistake that turned her into such a total gender cop. It was the awful sad thing we concealed so poorly from ourself. I could barely speak to you after that, for so long. You could barely hear me, she kept drowning me out. You just knew you were sad.

“And then, when we started across last time, and then we didn’t make it, I just went numb again. Or you disconnected from me. I don’t know. I know it was a long time. We spent so many years with our heart stuck in that old one-panel cartoon meme: the Poor Little Match Girl, with our nose pressed against the glass window, watching the real women inside having brunch … that it came to seem like it really was our fate, after all. Part of being designed to feel pain.

“I remember we were so afraid, the first time. It was so fucking dangerous in the Nineties, and we’d never even worn makeup. We certainly couldn’t dress as a lesbian. We had to pretend, again. The punishment for not passing was, you know ….” She looked lost for a moment, like she was remembering every horrible thing she could remember that happened to people then. The thing that kept us in “their” clothes, not ours. Why we hid.

Then she looked up. “We tried, and then we failed. It all seemed impossible, finally, the dojo, the Goddess, everything. We gave up,” she concluded, explaining to herself more than to me. She let out a long ragged sigh. “Nine out of ten who try never make it across. We thought we knew that going in, but knowing doesn’t help. It seemed impossible again, for so long. And we tried not to care. And I went to sleep again, for a long time.

“But the work we did in the 90s, that wasn’t wasted effort, I saw that on this thing, too. I saw you were putting your writing online. I saw you changing, so I knew you’d be coming for me. Sooner or later.”

I could not fathom her patience. I thought she’d be screaming at me: Why the fuck had it all taken so long? Why did you leave me here? Do you know how afraid I was, how alone I felt? But I guess those are my issues. I guess that’s another difference between her and me.

“So you’re ready to go with me now?”

“Ready?” she said, and she gave me a look, one arched eyebrow, pursed lips, and a get-real expression in her not-green eyes. “No, I may not be ready, but it’s time to go. If we’ve learned anything in the last few months, it’s that we can handle things, things that we’d thought we couldn’t do, could never do, up until the day we did them. And once it got started, things that we never expected to happen suddenly were happening, really quickly, and there we were. Out!” She smiled, then turned serious again. “And we’ll keep going this time. Because we’re not going back again. Right?”

“No going back. I promise.”

“So, sure, why not? Let’s go.” Her voice cracked a bit. She stuck her iPad in a shoulder bag and got down from her stool, at last; and smiled at me, shyly. She stood there for a second: she didn’t sink into lava, she wasn’t attacked by alligators, it was just a floor after all. She had tears in her eyes, but she wasn’t crying-sad, she was crying-happy. She had waited forever for this. And I knew she didn’t really believe I’d come back for her, not until I turned up. Because I wouldn’t have believed it would really happen, either.

She walked over to me. I was going to pick her up, but she shook her head, looking amused. “You don’t have to carry me, Mama, you’re not like that trans guy in the story you read in Curve who picked up his inner kid. His inner kid was younger, and so was he. If you hadn’t read that … I think it’s what made you come get me. I’m glad you read it, because I want to leave now. But our story is different.”

“You know,” I began to object, “I don’t feel old anymore, since I started the estrogen again….”

“I know,” she cut me off, “you feel like you have the energy of a thirteen-year-old. Just really sore,” she added, sardonically.

“Like I have the emotional energy of a 13-year-old,” I persisted. “And about the same degree of emotional stability, it seems.”

“Y’know, Mom, I’m twelve and a half. I’m not sure how to take that.”

“Yeah, about that: how did you get older? I didn’t think it worked that way.”

“Everyone is different, Mama, you know that. Like everyone’s story is different.” She gave me that patiently-explaining-things look again, and continued: “I healed and grew” — she gestured toward herself — “when you began to heal and grow out there. When you stopped hiding. When you realized you had to stop hiding. And the more you stopped hiding from the world, the easier it became for us to walk our path together. You’ve been walking it alone for way too long. And you don’t have to.”

Um, wow. “You’re pretty philosophical for a twelve-year-old.”

“I take after you,” she replied. “And I want out of here, too. I’ve had plenty of time to think about things. And you’re older than you think, too.” She smiled, again. “You don’t have to carry me now, Mama, just walk with me. Please? We’ll walk together. And don’t ever let go of my hand again, okay? Not until we get home.” For a moment she sounded like she was six again.

“Okay, I promise,” and I took her little hand in my huge one. She took a deep breath, exhaled, sniffled, took another. “Mama?”

“What, sweetie?”

“What’s it really like out there?”

“It’s fun! It’s scary, you knew that already,” I said hurriedly. “But it’s way more fun than I’d imagined, being out! And it really is a lot safer now, being someone like us. You heard what Lys told me.” She nodded. “Not everywhere, but here where we live, at least. We’re still fighting, politically, and change happens slowly, except when it doesn’t.” She smiled again, and nodded. She looked like she wanted to get out there and start fighting too.

“So, I guess you saw, I finally started out last May, and suddenly a few months later all these changes came tumbling over each other, making a hash out of all the planning I thought I was doing … it’s fun out there because it’s scary, and it’s scary because it’s fun. And unpredictable.” She looked dubious. We’ve never been fond of surprises. “That can be fun too, you’ll see. Sometimes good things happen, sometimes they’re wonderful. Sometimes not. Mostly though, the difference is we can feel happy now. Not happy all the time, you know, but sometimes.”

“Okay,” she said, taking another deep breath, exhaling. “Whatever happens, I’m really glad you came to get me. When we were kids, we used to call this room ‘The Dying Place,’ remember?” She said it campily, like it was the title of a Buffy episode. Then she turned serious again: “For a long time, it felt like I was going to just split apart in here, when you were so sad out there, before. Like I wouldn’t even survive, and that would mean you couldn’t survive either. And you didn’t even know it. So, fuck yeah, let’s go!”

I hadn’t thought about “the dying place” in decades. It was so long ago when I called it that, it was just me in here, I didn’t have an inner child then because I was still one on the outside, too, trying to survive growing up and somehow imagine a means of escape from our insane mother. I remember reading the phrase in a magazine article about someone who had been brutally abused as a child, and became dissociative (mpd) as a consequence. The darkest place inside her pain, she called it that. It seemed apt. It sounded about the way I felt at the time.

When it’s your mother who abuses you, it’s hard to avoid the feeling that she’s punishing you. So you must have done something wrong, something to deserve it. It’s your fault. You have to try harder. In fact, something is apparently terribly wrong with you, if you’re me: all the men in the vicinity of your life get upset by things like when you’re afraid of a water moccasin hissing and you run off, or you refuse to take the fishhook out because you didn’t realize that the hook goes through the fish’s mouth, that the fish dies, that it was all so awful: you have to start acting like a man, you hear it from your mother every day … maybe if we take him hunting, they’d say. Nothing seems to work.

Anything horrible can come to seem normal, if it’s been going on long enough.

I inclined my head toward the door. “So, shall we?”

She looked around one last time. “Should we turn out the lights?”

Dear Lady, give me strength, I thought, it’s so dark in here.

“Don’t worry, sweetie, it’s sensor-activated. It’ll go off by itself.”

“’Kay,” she said, as though that settled it. “Let’s go!” She squeezed my hand, and we left, together.

#trans #gender #transgender #inner child #dysphoria #gender dysphoria

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davidcdelreal · 8 years ago

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100 Ways to Make $100 Fast

Advertising Disclosure

QUICK LINKS

Become an Uber driver*

Open a new checking account with a bonus

Inbox Dollars

SwagBucks

Online surveys

Sell things (13 ideas)

Quick cash on the job (5 ideas)

Side hustles (28 ideas)

Micro-projects (17 ideas)

Use your house (4 ideas)

Use your unique talents (22 ideas)

Medical (2 ideas)

Break spending habits (4 ideas)

Free cash rocks!

Walking through a parking lot one time I stumbled upon a $20 bill. Before I snatched it up I looked up around, almost waiting for the hidden camera crew to jump out from the bushes to yell “Gotcha!”. They didn't and I was $20 richer. Score!

That is the only time that I've ever came across some quick cash.

But everyone needs some cash in a hurry from time-to-time. Knowing that, I thought it would be fun to put together a post that outlined 100 ways you can make $100 fast. Out of the 100, you should find at least a few that you can do any time you need extra cash.

Bookmark this page so you can refer to it anytime you need money!

1. Become an Uber Driver

This is #1 for a reason!Got some free time and live in a reasonably populated area? Then becoming an Uber Driver can be a very lucrative part-time side hustle. Uber drivers make anywhere from $13-$20 per hour. This means you could hit the $100 mark in as little as five hours per week.

The best thing about Uber is that the schedule is completely up to you. I have seen stay at home mom's pick up Uber gigs for a few hours a day in the middle of the day while the kids are in school.

2. Open a new checking account with a bonus

Chase offers $200 bonus when you open a new Chase Total Checking® account. In order to get the bonus you have to set up direct deposit. Other than that, you are good to go.

This is the best offer we have found for signing up for a new checking account and, since Chase is not just an online bank, you also have access to their services in over 5,000 locations across the country.

3. Inbox Dollars

You can earn free cash by changing your search engine to InboxDollars. You'll even get a free $5 bonus when you sign up (just name and email address)! This will take a bit longer to get you to $100, but it's still easy money by using their search engine, watching videos (seriously), printing coupons and a variety of other things.

4. SwagBucks

Similar to Inbox Dollars in that you can get free cash by swapping your search engine. SwagBucks also pays you for the shopping you already do online as well as a bunch of other everyday online activities. You can get $5 for signing up here.

5. Online Surveys

Online websites like MySurvey will pay you for your opinion. The average survey will pay between $0.50 and $1.25 and there are new surveys available each day. If you qualify, you can even get surveys over $5 each. Many of the surveys take less than 5 minutes to complete.

Some may have you scan products that you purchase. You can learn more in our review of online survey sites. Here are a few other reputable ones that payout:

Global Test Market

Harris Poll Online

Survey Rewardz

Vindale Research

6. Sign up for a rewards credit card with a sweet signup bonus

Some cards offer a “bonus” of $100 or more if you can meet a minimum spending requirement within the first three months. As long as you pay your balance in full each month, this is truly free money for the taking! Here are the top offers for 2016:

Chase Freedom Unlimited℠ – The Chase Freedom Unlimited℠ is a new Chase card that is taking the rewards world by storm! By signing up, you'll earn a $150 signup bonus after you spend just $500 within 90 days. Plus, you'll earn a flat 1.5% back for every dollar you spend on any type of purchase. Best of all, this card doesn't charge an annual fee, either.

Chase Sapphire Preferred® Card – Want an even bigger bonus? Consider the Chase Sapphire Preferred® Card instead. With this card, you'll earn an amazing 50,000 points after you spend just $4,000 on your card within 90 days. If you turn in those points for cash, they are worth $500! Obviously, you'll want to pay your balance in full to avoid interest. As long as you meet the minimum spending requirement, this $500 is yours to spend. Plus, this card comes with no annual fee.

Best Cashback Credit Cards of 2016 – If neither of those offers sound ideal, you can also check out our post on the best cash back offers currently available.

One man's trash is another man's treasure

One of the best and easiest ways to make money fast is by selling what you have – or that you can acquire on the cheap. It also has a secondary benefit in that it keeps the clutter in your life to a minimum.

7. Sell your used cell phones, iPad or Mac

Your used electronic equipment may have value, particularly if it’s recent and in good condition. Check out Gazelle.com. They give you an estimate on your equipment, and the better stuff could fetch some real money.

8. Resell unused gift cards

Check your wallet and your dresser – you probably have unused gift cards. Some may even be to merchants you don’t frequent. If that’s the case, get some cash back on them by selling them on CardPool. You won’t get the full value of the cards, but it’s better than having them sit unused.

9. Sell your stuff to a pawn shop

You won’t get retail price for your merchandise, but it offers a quick sale for cash.

10. Selling your junk

Have a garage sale – We average about $150 per garage sale so you can earn some decent cash without even leaving your house.

Sell on Craigslist – What you can’t sell at your garage sale, you may be able to sell on Craigslist. This is especially good for selling large items.

11. Sell other people’s stuff on Craigslist or eBay

This is taking selling on Craigslist and eBay to a higher level. You’re not just selling your own stuff, you’re getting more stuff to sell from friends and neighbors. Give them a cut of the take and you’ll have plenty to sell forever.

12. Amazon

Similar to eBay, Amazon.com may work better for entertainment media, such as books, music and movies.

13. Flea markets and swap meets

This is the garages sale concept taken on the road to a place where there are a lot more potential customers.

14. Consignment shops

There are different items you can sell on consignment, but it tends to work best for furniture and clothing.

15. Collect and sell scrap metal

If you have a light pick-up truck or just a good trailer, you can collect scrap metal from neighborhoods, building sites and junkyards, then sell it to scrap metal dealers. Check out scrap metal prices, then do a Google search on “where can I sell scrap metal in (my town)”.

16. Gold jewelry and silverware

Take your gold jewelry and silverware to gold dealers or jewelers and you’ll likely fetch a better price than going to the “we buy gold” storefronts populating strip malls.

17. Musical instruments

There’s a brisk market for used musical instruments (check out the prices for brand new ones and you’ll immediately see why). You can sell them on Craigslist for top dollar, but if you want quick cash, offer to sell them to music stores.

18. Sell homemade crafts

If you can make handicrafts, Etsy could be the place to sell them. If making crafts is an ongoing hobby, you could have an ongoing cash source from the site.

19. Return old purchases or gifts

If you’ve received gifts you really don’t want – and they’re still in the packages – try returning them. Some retailers will take them back up to a year later.

Quick cash on the job

Your job is one of the best and most convenient places to make some extra cash. You may have to think a little bit out of the box, so try these on for starters.

20. Volunteer for overtime

Most of us shrink away from overtime because of the extra hours. But if you need money, let your supervisor know that you’re available to work.

21. Contract for an ugly job at work

As an alternative to working overtime, you can offer to contract for jobs at work that nobody else wants. Offer to work on the jobs for a flat fee that will be paid outside your regular paycheck.

22. Employee referral program

If your employer offers a bonus to refer new employees to them, take advantage of it and start referring. It’ll be the easiest money you’ll ever make.

23. Customer referral program

Likewise, see if your employer might also have a customer referral program. If they do, put on your salesman’s hat and start beating the bushes for potential customers.

24. Make a killer suggestion

Many employers have a suggestion box, but most employees ignore it. If the company pays a bonus for workable suggestions, get busy. You may get the bonus because no one else participates.

Ways to make money fast off the job

You can often make some quick cash doing jobs that require no special skills, just a desire to do them. And you can find them all around you. These are also great ways for teens to make some quick cash.

25. Baby sitting

Where I live babysitters earn $10 an hour. Pull a couple of five hour gigs this weekend, and you’ll have $100.

BONUS! See how I am making 10.9% return on my best short term investments using LendingClub. Peer-to-Peer lending has been great for people looking to borrow money to start a business or pay off high interest debt, but I have been doing extremely well with lending.

26. Pet sitting

The nice part of this type of sitting is that you don’t have to stay with the pet for hours. Usually, you’re just looking in on it every couple of hours, then walking it and feeding it as necessary. Because of that you can maintain several pet sitting jobs simultaneously.

27. House sitting

People who travel frequently, especially on a long-term basis; may need someone to watch their homes for a fee. You can check local newspapers and Craigslist for opportunities. If you’d like to use a central site, MindAHome.com can provide an online source of clients.

28. Temporary part time jobs

You can get a seasonal part-time job based on summer, back-to-school, any of the major holidays or even during snow season. A couple of weeks of part-time work can easily get you $100 and a whole lot more.

29. Become a referral source for a sales person or company

If you know any real estate agents, insurance agents, car dealers or just about any one who sells for a living, ask about being a compensated referral source for them. A $100 referral isn’t hard to get.

30. Sell photos on Shutterstock

Shutterstock.com is a giant site that allows you to post and sell your photos online for a fee. Functioning something like eBay for photos, it’s a central place to sell your photos.

31. Turn your photography skills to cash

If you’ve checked photographers prices lately you know they can be prohibitive. If you’re good at photography, you might be able to photograph a special event or two for at least $100.

32. Become an instructor at a local gym

If you think that the only people who work in gyms are personal trainers, guess again. If you know yoga, zumba, jazzercise, cycling or just about any other activity that keeps people moving, there may be a teaching position waiting for you at the gym.

33. Write product review articles for blogs

If you’re a tech junkie and buy a lot of new products, you may be able to do paid reviews on blogs. Blogs often have affiliate arrangements with tech products and will pay for user reviews.

34. Bartend for an event or a weekend

If you can bartend you can pick up a quick hundred (or more) working a couple of weekend parties or even a wedding.

35. Join a focus group

Universities, marketing groups and research organizations will often pay participants in focus groups. Check with schools in your area as well as Craigslist to see what’s happening.

36. Be a session musician

If you can play guitar, drums, keyboards and even some wind and string instruments’ you may be able to get work as a session musician in a band or orchestra. In some cases you can make well over $100 for just a single session.

37. Become a moving billboard

If you don’t mind having a large commercial sign on your car – or having it “wrapped” in ad material, you can earn up to $400 per month with FreeCarMedia.com.

38. Moving furniture

Some people are making local moves without the benefit of a professional moving company. If you don’t mind (really) hard work, you may be able to pick up $100 or more this weekend. Check the ads on Craigslist.

39. Cutting lawns

Even people who cut their own lawns get in a jam from time to time and need someone to pinch hit for them. They could be going on vacation or dealing with an illness or injury. Two or three cuts could get you to $100 in no time.

40. Painting

Do you know anyone who needs a room or two painted? If you’re handy when it comes to painting, offer to do it for them for $100 per room – plus paint.

41. Spring or fall clean-ups

Seasonal yard clean-ups are more involved than regular lawn cutting. It may involve weeding flower beds, trimming hedges, raking leaves and cleaning out other debris. $100 a job should be the minimum.

42. Shoveling snow

I’ve known kids who have made well over $50 shoveling in the local neighborhood after just a modest snowfall. Just a couple of storms will get you to $100 just from knocking on doors during the late stages of the storm.

43. Cleaning houses

Some people let the house cleaning go a bit too long, then they don’t want to even attempt it. Others get a little busy and just need some help. You should be able to pick up $100 or more just from cleaning a couple of houses.

44. Wash, wax and detail cars

Some people actually like cleaning cars. Most of us hate it. If you’re one who likes it, you can make some easy money working for those of us who’d rather not.

45. Cleaning gutters

If being up on a ladder doesn’t scare you, you can make a quick $100 (at least) on just a single job.

46. Setting up pools for the summer

Everybody loves having a pool, except when it comes time to set it up for the summer. If you know how to do it, you can make an easy $100 on just a couple of jobs. And when fall comes and it’s time to close them down, you can come back for Round Two.

47. Setting up holiday decorations

Everybody loves holiday decorations too, but not nearly everyone like putting them up – or taking them down. At Halloween and Christmas you can probably get at least $100 to put up decorations, then take them down later.

48. Taking surveys

Some companies will pay you for your opinions. Check out MySurvey.com as a place to find them. You earn points which you can redeem for cash.

49. Mystery shopper

This is one of the most popular recommendations when it comes to making extra cash, but you need a reliable source of jobs. Mystery Shopping Providers Association can be that source.

50. Participate in marketing research

Companies are always performing market research on both new and existing products and services. Sign up with a service like Concepts Consumer Research to advertise your availability.

51. Clean carpets

Have you ever cleaned your own carpets? If so, go rent a machine and clean someone else’s – for cash.

52. Carpool – and be the driver

If you have coworkers (or people who work in the area you do), offer to drive them in for a fee. $25 per week per person could bring in $100 with just two riders for two weeks. Try advertising in the company newsletter, or posting the offer on bulletin boards around the office.

Micro-projects

In general, micro-projects are small projects that pay no more than a few dollars each. You make money by doing several in a short amount of time, and there are websites available that you can do them through.

53. Gigwalk

Gigwalk involves taking photos, picking up menus and various other small assignments in your area. It works on an app that you download onto your phone. You receive the job orders, accept them and confirm that the job is complete.

54. Mechanical Turk

This is a work-at-home arrangement and it’s part of Amazon.com. Mechanical Turk pays a few dollars per assignment, typically involving work such as writing product reviews, editing and related tasks.

55. TaskRabbit

Similar to Gigwalk, but you can also access the assignments online, as well as by a phone app. TaskRabbit is limited to just a few cities.

56. CloudFactory

CloudFactory participants mainly enter, collect, process or categorizes data for companies, primarily for employers based in various emerging markets.

57. FOAP

You enter and sell your photos to commercial interests through their site. They can be sold on FOAP for $10, with 50% paid to the site.

58. PleaseBringMe

A travel barter exchange between individuals, rather than employers, with PleaseBringMe you perform tasks for pay that are unique to your home country.

59. BidOnMyGig

The service isn’t available yet, but BidOnMyGig allows clients to post projects online and have qualified service providers bid on them. The qualified service provider is of course you.

60. EXEC Cleaning

As the name implies, EXEC Cleaning involves the providing the services of an executive assistant, but on a personal level. It could involve getting lunch, delivering documents or even cleaning an executives house.

61. MobileWorks

MobileWorks involves jobs as a technical virtual assistant, including online research, tagging images and creative writing, and you must speak English.

62. PinDone

Available only in California, PinDone involves tasks such as doing mail outs and driving someone to the airport. The pay seems decent for the tasks, but you do have bid on them, and reputation within the site is important.

63. WeGoLook

As you might guess from the name, WeGoLook has you working as an inspector at large. You will inspect buildings, cars or some other high value item, verify that it exists, that it works, take photos, and write any necessary reports.

64. PostMates

This service involves being a virtual go-fer. Post Mates is a delivery service where you may be asked to pick up coffee, lunch, groceries or anything the customer requests.

65. Fiverr

More technical but simple tasks that you post on the site. Fiverr pays $5 per job, and includes work such as tasks on websites and related jobs.

66. Agent Anything

Mostly for colleges students, Agent Anything can involve running errands, engaging in marketing activities or even doing temp work.

67. UserTesting.com

Roughly speaking, UserTesting.com involves doing reviews of websites, mostly rating based on user experience.

68. Zaarly.com

Similar to Gigwalk, Zaarly involves running errands in your local area for out of town clients.

69. MiNeeds

Something of a job board for people with defined skills, MiNeeds.com has you competing for jobs.

How to Make Money Using your House

You may be able to pick up $100 or more without ever leaving your house – by using your house to make money.

70. Renting out a room

If it’s permissible in your community, you can rent a room to a boarder for $100 per week, or $400 per month – more if you live in a highly desirable location.

71. Renting out space

If someone needs temporary storage, consider renting out your basement or a spare bedroom.

72. Renting out your garage

You can probably rent out your garage to someone with a need to shelter a car. That should fetch at least $100 per month.

73. Renting out your driveway

If there’s a major event in your area, you may be able to rent out your driveway for a night or a weekend. Keep on top of events in your area and make your driveway available for overflow parking to the facility holding the event.

Put your specific skills to work

What is it that you’re particularly good at – that other people typically aren’t? There may be a decent payday waiting for you if you can put it into action. These won’t work for everyone, but if there’s one or more that you’re a pro at, go for it!

74. Tutoring

School tutors can easily make $30 an hour and up. That would get you to $100 in no time.

75. Teaching English

For millions of people, English is at best a second language. Offer out your skills to teach them a deeper understanding of the language for a fee. Even at $20 an hour, you’d get to $100 in short order.

76. Teaching music

Can you play a musical instrument? Even if you’re not accomplished, you may be able to teach novices. Offer your services at local senior citizens centers as a start.

77. Refereeing

You know all those people who referee recreation sports? They’re not working for free. If you’re knowledgeable about one or more sports, sign up at the local recreation commission. You can make several hundred dollars in a single, short sports season refereeing young kids.

78. Teaching software packages

Lot’s of people implement common software packages, but don’t have a clue how to use them. If you’re fluent with Word, Excel, PowerPoint or one of a number of common software packages, offer to install them and do basic training. That’s easily worth $100 or more to a lot of people.

79. Setting up new computers/troubleshooting old ones

As easy as modern computers are, a lot of people are intimidated when it comes to setting them up. Some may pay you for simple tasks like setting up passwords, email service and downloading an anti-virus package.

80. Writing blog posts

Are there blogs you like to read because you have specific knowledge of the subject matter? Offer to write articles for them. You should be able to earn at least $20 per article. Write five and you’ll have $100.

81. Bookkeeping

If you have bookkeeping skills, especially with QuickBooks experience, you should be able to pick up bookkeeping jobs that will get you to $100 very quickly. You can do one time jobs, or ongoing to keep the extra cash rolling in.

82. Office organization

There are some very successful people who are complete zeros when it comes to organization. Their offices are a wreck and lost documents can cost them money. If you’re a wiz at making order out of chaos, you may have a chance to organize offices for at least $100 a pop.

83. Light mechanic work

If you can do basic car repairs – changing oil, belts, hoses and spark plugs, or replacing batteries or mufflers, you can easily pick up extra cash. If you can do the repairs at the customer’s home, you can charge even more.

84. Process medical claims

After a major illness or surgery, a person can be inundated with medical claims. If you’re familiar with the process (filing and dealing with insurance companies) you can make some serious money straightening out someone’s medical claims.

85. Editing

You don’t have to be a professional editor to be an editor. If you’re an English major, a writer or a teacher, you may be perfect. You can find editing work on Craigslist that can be either one time assignments, or ongoing – your choice.

86. Set up simple websites

Can you design and set up simple websites? If so, you can easily charge $100 a pop. As little as you think you know, someone else knows a lot less and may see you as an expert.

87. Getting someone’s tax records organized

If you have strong administrative skills and know what certain tax documents look like, you may be able to offer your services to a disorganized someone who needs help organizing their paperwork for preparation. Tough tax season ends April 15, it actually goes to October 15 with extensions. And those who extend that far are usually in the greatest need of organizational help.

88. Graphic design services

There are millions of websites who need all kinds of services, like graphic design work. Offer to do simple jobs for as many sites as you can contact. You can find them on Craigslist sometimes, but direct contact could be more effective.

89. Social media manager

Some people are social media experts. Others don’t even know how to get started. Businesses are realizing the value of the social media. If you’re fluent in the social media, offer your services as a social media manager. You can post updates on Facebook, Twitter and any media that are relevant to a particular business.

90. Staging houses for sale

There’s a transition that takes place between living in a house and selling it. If you know the difference, and how to make a home look like a showplace, you can stage houses for sale. Offer your services to local real estate agents.

91. Event planning

Are you good at planning parties or events? Someone might need your help. Spread the word to everyone you know, and let them know what you can do.

92. Become an affiliate for a product you know and believe in

Everyone with a product or service to sell is looking for agents to sell them. Find products you feel strongly about, and become a dealer. Some higher priced items can fetch a $100 cut quickly.

93. Create or edit videos

YouTube is all the rage – music, how to videos, outrageous demonstrations, product reviews – you name it. If you can create videos, offer your services to businesses.

94. Buy low, sell high

If you have an eye for bargains, you may be able to buy on the cheap – at garage sales, thrift stores and elsewhere – and sell at a profit.

95. Preparing research papers

If you have a knack for research, there are businesses and individuals who could use your services. You can find some of them on Craigslist, or offer your services to local colleges.

Participate in the medical community

The medical community will pay for donations and your participation.

96. Sell blood

You can get $30 – $40 to sell your blood. Three or four donations will get you $100 in just a couple of weeks.

97. Participate in medical studies

A local hospital is offering $600 for people with high blood pressure to participate in medical trials. Hospitals and clinics do this all the time. Enough said?

Change spending habits – for a bit

Sometimes you can find extra money just by spending less money on a habit or two – at least temporarily.

98. Eat on the cheap for a week

If you spend $200 per week for groceries, try going on a beans and rice diet (OK, pasta, potatoes, salads and other low cost foods are good too) for one week. That should cut the bill in half, getting you an extra $100 easily.

99. Eliminate your cable TV service

A typical middle-of-the-road cable TV service runs about $100 per month. Eliminate it and you’ll have an extra $100 this month. And every month after that.

100. Give up Starbucks for a month

Are you a latte fan? At $4 per cup, you’ll save $120 if you give it up for a month.

101. Give up a “sin” for a month

If you smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, or drink three beers a day, going cold turkey for a month can easily leave you at least $100 richer.

Have you tried any of these? Are there any other ways to make $100 fast that I might have missed?

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from All About Insurance http://www.goodfinancialcents.com/100-ways-to-make-money-fast/

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ozsaill · 8 years ago

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Poised for the Bahamas

“I hear you’re putting Totem on the hard.” “Will you go out again?” In fact, we have no plans to park Totem for an extended stay on land (or in the water), and have never considered remaining in the US. But given the dearth of information in this space about what 2017 holds I can understand the speculation. We are on the cusp of departure and thrilled to be heading out for more adventures afloat.

Cascading events prolonged our departure, but the boat’s been humming, and legged out timing has shaped our direction. Routing clarity comes slowly after many shuffles on how we’ll fill the gaps between now (in Fort Lauderdale, Florida) and a year from now (Pacific Ocean, via Panama Canal). It still has a lot of squiggles and question marks, but the bigger picture should stick.

For many months, that year-long view was literally nothing more than get out of the US and back to the islands, spend a couple of months in Cuba, and explore Panama’s Guna Yala. (Remember that Plan is a four-letter word for cruisers! Corollary: Thar Be No Schedules)

Bahamas Baby

We’d written the Bahamas off, but they’re now solidly ON, and their late arrival means I’m scrambling for information. Friday I got our Waterway Guide’s Bahamas, Turks & Caicos book. IT’S GORGEOUS. The last years of Western Pacific / Indian Ocean / Southern Atlantic sailing had poor guides, if any, and it put me off. What did exist covered too wide an area to be useful, so I stuck to travel guides instead and started thinking cruising guides weren’t important. You know what? They’re incredibly useful, I’d just been too long without an example of what a good guide offers. So with 2017 Bahamas edition in hand, instead of helping Jamie and the girls scrub the hull that morning, I did this:

I did also buy a traveler’s guidebook for the Bahamas. I��m probably going to leave it behind, because the Waterway book is better, and has everything I need: the travel guide insights (cultural orientation, things to bring, cool places to visit) AND annually updated cruising data (what to bring and where to provision, details for moorings and choice anchorages, the latest marina info– even updates on impacts from last fall’s hurricane, and recommendations for things islanders might need that we can ferry over).

That schedule thing

Although schedules are the bane of cruising, I’ve happily added a fixed Must Be There date by signing on to present at the US Boat Show in Annapolis in April. Pam Wall and I will lead a 2-day Cruising Women seminar, and I’m giving a few additional presentations as part of the show’s Cruisers University. I’m very excited about this, especially the Cruising Women program. Jamie seems to have been born with saltwater in his veins; before we went cruising, it was important to me to seek information and skills. Women-only courses provided the shared perspective and camaraderie that best supported my goals. If you sign up, tell me! I’d love to anticipate meetups.

Places and people

It feels very good to be poised for Bahamas takeoff in Fort Lauderdale, but first we had to get south from Jacksonville to Miami for my friend Lynne Rey’s birthday. Schedules again? Maybe, but no way would I miss this since we could be there! Along the way, there wasn’t a lot of wind, but some beautiful sunny days and mellow seas that meant Niall could combine studying with watchkeeping in the cockpit.

Along the way we spent a couple of evenings hanging out with Kirk McGeorge. He’s done a couple of circumnavigations on a sistership, Gallivanter, and now does some crazy cool work building underwater submersibles with an outfit in Fort Pierce (he was a Navy diver, and drove Alvin- THE Alvin- on Titanic, way back when). The last time we saw Kirk was Australia, nearly five years ago! Cruising friendships like his are GOLD – you pick up right where you left off, despite intervening years.

In Miami, Lynne, her husband Tony (we sailed together in college) and their kids hosted us at the Coral Reef Yacht Club. This made fun birthday celebrations, late nights in the cockpit, kids learning and playing together, and a lot of good times very easy.

It also made it much easier for a visit from Kerry (the impressive endurance athlete / sailor / quadriplegic I sailed with last month). She gave our family and the Reys a preview of a powerful documentary she’s a part of that I hope will be ready to share publicly soon. Some tissues required after viewing before we could pose for a pic together, our thumbs in the air for Kerry’s nonprofit, ThumbsUp International. ThumbsUp connects people of all abilities to tackle athletic challenges, in particular by teaming able and disabled athletes.

Please check out the Facebook page for ThumbsUp International and give it a like to show your support! Kerry would really like to nudge it over the 2,000 like hurdle: can we do it?! Follow and share!

More friends visited: we first knew Tiffany and Greg as “the Coast Guard Couple” when we met them in Mexico eight (!) years ago; we last caught up in Australia. They’ve traveled a loop around the world since then, by sea across the Pacific and by land from SE Asia to the UK. Both are Coast Guard Academy graduates, both are hard core professional seafarers, and they had great advice on college and maritime licensing for Niall. Just the folks to help toss the lines when it was time to head to the anchorage, right?

Projects projects projects

And then, there was maintenance and repair. Lots of it. Because that’s one definition of the cruising life.

To give you an inkling of that everyday fun on Totem, and a peek into what’s kept Jamie busy here in Florida:

Outboard: FINALLY FIXED. It’s been sick for five months. Diagnosis by mechanic in Jacksonville: failed CDI unit, but we replaced that and still no spark. Option two: bad coil. Ding ding ding ding! Wires from the coil had both broken…photo above. They were crimped by a strain relief device, but the break was hidden inside of a plastic sleeve. Great 11th hour help from our new friend Conor, who borrowed a flywheel puller from a Miami auto shop to get it done.

Sundowners on Totem later, time to talk story with Conor (former cruising kid, now physicist) and his dad

Aft cabin: I went to a road trip to Miami with my friend Patty, and Jamie broke the aft cabin. He’s since rebuilt my workspace, relocated the solar and wind charge controllers to a newly-constructed locker, and cleaned up a bunch of wiring spaghetti. Few words for a LOT of work.

Dodger: As a sailmaker, Jamie knows his way around a sewing machine. But canvas work is “fiddly” (his description) and he hoped to outsource Totem’s new dodger sides. But after weeks of no joy or no action from service providers in northern Florida, he took our friends on Shanthi up on the offer to borrow their SailRite and made it himself. Templating with Tyvek from the hardware store, then constructing the final from Sunbrella, Strataglass, and Tenara thread…on the dock, until it rained, with child labor…as you do. It IS fiddly, but he does great work, and saving the expense is a great bonus.

Before he could get to the canvas, the whole hard top was shifted forward: this meant changing the frame (it’s more vertical on the forward face now) and building new supports.

Deck hardware: fully reinstalled the repaired stanchion base that broke on our unpleasant passage from Bermuda to Connecticut.

Engine: Fixed pesky drip from fuel filters after troubleshooting. Replaced barbs with correct size, replaced 3-way valve fitting, and O-rings. Hopefully this saves the $250 racor replacement kit!

Electrical: We use a rugged Panasonic Toughbook for our nav computer. Both plug connections for the nine-year-old 12v charger had failed; solder now leads directly to the board. All good.

Plumbing: Replaced failing cockpit drain hoses (shared with galley sink drain: presumed grease buildup). Fixed flaw in primary water tank that prevents proper venting with a few holes (and finally found out the actual capacity, two years later- 73 gallons!). Discovered (and replaced) leaking outlet fitting in tank. Aft head required an unclogging adventure, then replacing seals and hose and other work that I’d rather not know too much about. Thanks to my sweetie for being The One That Deals with the Head on board.

…and that’s just what he did on Totem! On friend’s boats, Jamie helped install a solar panel, did a few (three? four? five? I lost track) rig evaluations, and helped get one tuned properly.

I married well.

Much more than fixing stuff

One of the more significant preoccupations outside of prepping Totem is working with coaching clients. We thoroughly enjoy helping people make the leap to successful cruising! More recently, the kids have gotten into a few of our Skype sessions, too: prospective cruising kids want to hear the real scoop directly from them. Sitting around the iPad, this is a pretty typical scene.

We closed our our Miami stay by anchoring in Marine Stadium, a sweet little spot with near 360° protection and a killer view of the downtown Miami. Backlit by twinkling lights from the skyline at night, we could detect dolphins circling Totem only by loud huffs of their breath. An idyllic spot to raft up and make some great memories with the pretty Huckins, Cortado (which is for sale, by the way), and her crew.

Totem is now in Fort Lauderdale, on our final countdown to departure for the Bahamas. We don’t know when we’ll be back in the USA, but it’s probably some years. I’ve got an insane list, and it includes major items like, oh, battery bank replacement. Full watermaker servicing. Diesel mechanic services. Provisioning for 3 months in islands with limited stores, and high costs. Supplies for Bahamian communities still impacted by hurricane Mathew last fall. Then there are the incidentals “but we won’t be in the USA for how long?” that inflate our list. Here in the mainland, we have access to better breadth of goods, at a better quality, and a better value, than we will likely encounter for a long time.

It’s been blowing for days, but Totem is in a protected anchorage. There is access to supplies. Anchorage neighbors stopping by to chat from their kayaks. Visits from shoreside dwellers, arriving with friendship, the gift of papaya, and lessons in art (thank you, Jim!).

Life is beautiful. I’m grateful every day for the choices we have and our freedom as a family, and can’t wait to extend our adventures…starting soon in the Bahamas!

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