#even after two decades i still find new things to appreciate about this movie

[homunculusalphonse]

okay, it's been 20 years and i never noticed this detail, but that scene in brother bear where denahi says, "i don't blame the bear, kenai". i think for the longest time, i never quite understood why kenai was speechless for a few seconds. i just thought they disagreed about the bear being responsible for sitka's death (obviously, i was just a kid when i watched this movie regularly)

but then i realized, with denahi looking away... he probably meant that he blamed kenai for it. and it makes sense, because throughout the movie kenai implies that he does blame himself for sitka's death, considering he calls the bear - or himself - a "monster". i also considered that maybe denahi didn't actually mean he blamed kenai, but the latter still heard it. not sure which one is the correct interpretation, though i'm assuming the first one is judging by their expressions and body language in their brief silence.

but either way, as i've talked about before, it's so interesting watching how kenai blames himself, yet by projecting that guilt onto his hatred of bears. this movie is so incredibly mature and i think it'll remain one of my favorites from disney.

[profanepurity]

I am here to knock on your door and peer inside for any Sister Diana and Bellamy info, because this is my fave AU now. I am very greedy and wish to know more (also Secondo being a girl dad, MY HEART)

Not only is Papa Emeritus Secondo a girl dad, but Bellamy also has two very evil satanic cardinals for uncles that watch very R-rated horror movies with her when they babysit. Don't worry, Copia always fast-forwards through the really bad parts, despite Terzo saying "she already knows about that stuff". Bellamy loves horror movies (and spending time with them), but C still got her that rat plushy for when she spends the night- which she named Lumaconi.

Lol so this response got super plot-driven, which is why it took ages to finish, I’m so sorry about that! This is going to focus mostly on how Secondo met Sister Diana when he was a Cardinal under Primo’s papacy, the ‘ghuleh’ that haunts the mortuary, and baby Bellamy. I really wish I could have rendered these, but I just didn't have the time unfortunately 😞

TW: This gets spicy. There are mentions of sex and suggestive imagery, but nothing explicit. Also TONS of angst. Mentions of death and blood. 

Thank you so much for your ask. Your support means the world to me! Enjoy 🖤

Diana was taken in as an orphan by the church as a young teen. Despite her unknown family history, she quickly grew accustomed to her new home at the ministry. She met Eliza when she began training to take her official vows. Their relationship started out as mentor and mentee but grew into a friendship once Diana had taken her final vows. Despite there being a bit of an age gap, they quickly became very close. Diana would often pull some of Eliza’s darkness out of her, encouraging her to “have some fun”, while Eliza was more the voice of reason. After Primo and Eliza married, you better believe Diana’s teasing was relentless, and even more so when Eliza was made Prime Mover. Though this came to bite Diana in the ass when she started eyeing Primo’s first younger brother, much to Eliza’s delight.

Primo seemed to ascend from a Cardinal to Papa in the blink of an eye, taking Eliza as his Prime Mover and promoting Secondo to a Cardinal. Secondo was of course no less lively decades ago than he is now. His reputation among the siblings of sin and even to a few outside followers/ connections with the church was nothing short of promicuous. While he continued to appreciate the pleasures of the flesh and substance, Secondo was perhaps lesser known to be quite active within the dark arts. His nose was either in a grimoire or a porn mag, no in between. 

Diana had taken her place overseeing the mortuary of the church, having a fascination with the dead and the dark powers that collect the soul as they are taken to Hell. When Secondo happened to find himself drifting towards the art of necromancy, the mortuary was the first place he looked for “research materials”. The first night Secondo met her, Sister Diana had been sewing a newly dead sibling back together after she had embalmed them and performed the ceremonial ritual to send off their soul. This hauntingly gorgeous sister, clad in a white, bat-like Cornette, with a cold gaze that would often unsettle other siblings of sin, lifted her eyes to him, and allowed the corners of her full lips to curl in a small, but controlled smile. There was no shyness or intimidation on her face by the sight of Cardinal Emeritus II, like so many siblings often had. She moved like a ghost around her table, silent, floating like a flower petal. You could say it was Asmodeus himself who brought them together, consuming them with the delightful sin of lust. 

Diana was charmed by his demanding presence and intense stare, and her odd serenity and striking beauty enamored Secondo. It was suppose to just be a one time thing. One night turned into two, and then a month later Secondo was having her sit on his lap while sipped on scotch, her hands resting on his chest as music served as pleasant background noise for them to enjoy eachother’s bodies tol. Then they were driving with the top down through the night lit streets of LA, and he got to see her hair whip around her face, free from her habit, as they went club to club; drinking, laughing, fucking. Next thing he knew Secondo awoke one morning to a spare toothbrush in his bathroom and spare clothing having found a permanent residence in his quarters. What shocked him more so was that he didn’t seem to mind.

At first, Secondo assumed these many shared nights were what caused him to find himself coming back to her time and time again. It was only natural, to bond with someone, it had been a year at this point after all. But what he would never admit to himself, was that the long, deep conversations he would find himself sharing with her within the private walls of his quarters, late at night, made him feel connected to someone else in a way he’d never been before. No, seeing the same lust within her for both carnal explorations and for knowlege of the dark arts that he shared himself was not at all attractive to him. Waking up to her presence in his bed, wearing his shirt, sharing his warmth vulnerably, showing her trust in him despite being reserved and isolate to nearly everyone else, did not melt his heart in the slightest. 

Sister Diana challenged him as an equal intellectually. Secondo knew of Diana’s unwavering nature, her own ambitions and independence, yet she allowed him to hold her. To lead her in a dance. To keep his hand on the small of her back as they walked. She willingly submitted her body to him, as he did to her too, behdind closed doors. 

He loved the way she would look at his younger brother Cardinal Emeritus III, not with carnal desire like some of the other siblings, but she would rather toy with him and match his own advances in a playful manner. Not once did Sister Diana look at anyone else like she looked at him, and only he would ever know that.

All that being said, Secondo has never, and may never be exclusive to anyone, as monogamy was never something he was drawn to in his life. Thankfully Diana felt the same way about her own sexuality. They silently understood this between eachother, despite never actually having a real conversation about it. Still, they would sit in the library for hours as they studied together. She would come up to the quarters of the high clergymen and massage his shoulders as he finished paper work. He would come down to the morgue to bring her coffee and food when she would be working nights. There was no denying their love for eachother.

Their meetings fell into a comfortable routine. So you can image how it confused Secondo when Sister Diana wasn’t in the mortuary at the time she usually was every other day. How it started to make his brow crease when he couldn’t find her anywhere else in the church. The Cardinal found her in the very last place he chose to look for her in. Perhaps if he had gone to her room first, things would have been different. Perhaps he wouldn’d have found her lifeless body, mutilated and pale, blood already beginning to dry upon her skin and the carpet as she layed on her bedroom floor. 

I briefly mention this scene in one of my one shots, “Child of Her Grave”, but of course I’m slightly changing how it goes already lol. But anyway, the family was in shambles to say the least.

Secondo had come to Primo in a daze. He didn’t know how long he stayed by her body, completely shell-shocked at the sight until he decided to knock on his brother’s door at 2 in the morning. The unlit halls of the church disguised her blood that now stained his cheek and clothing. He simply told Primo that Sister Diana had been killed, unable to utter anything more. 

Her death occured on the same day that an incredibly important ritual needed to be performed. It had only been hours after Secondo told Papa Primo that he was now faced with having to tell his Prime Mover that her best friend had been murdured over night. 

The combination of seeing his brother struggling to process finding his lover’s body, and holding Eliza against him as sobs racked her body, was the most torturous thing Primo had ever experienced. But they were left with no time to process their grief.

The higher clergy, along with Sister Imperator, were adamant with Papa Primo that the ritual not be delayed simply because of one sibling’s funeral. But when Papa didn’t come when he was summoned for the ritual, several Bishops stormed his quarters in anger and frustration at the delay of the incredibly time-sensitive ceremony that still needed hours of prep work before dawn. Primo was considered one of the more patient Papas that was very difficult to truly anger, yet he didn’t feel an ounce of remorse as he killed one of the Bishops for daring to raise his voice while Eliza was shaking violently against his chest.

Her burial ceremony was quiet. Secondo sat by her grave afterward and refused to move. It broke Primo’s heart that he wasn’t able to attend with Eliza and his brother. He got there as soon as he could, heading straight to his cardinal. He had been aware of his relationship with Sister Diana, it had been obvious to Papa that the year they spent together has made his brother close to her, even if Secondo himself refused to admit it. He could only imagine his pain. Someone was standing over his brother- who he barely registered, thinking it was their father Nihil deciding to be present. Primo was not prepared to see the wrath of Satan in his brother’s eyes. He should have known then that Second Emeritus was planning something in his silent anguish, but Primo found a brief sense of relief knowing the Old One was with him when he couldn’t be.

The ritual had required Carinal Emeritus III and Cardinal Copia to be in attendance of course. The roles of the two satanic princes of the church had been flipped. Terzo was the one now wringing his hands and stuttering over his words. Both of them wanted to be with Secondo, but Copia sent him off before they left the offices of the higher clergymen. It was important that at least one of them was there.

Terzo felt his heart hammer in his chest as his legs carried him across the cemetery.Even when they were boys, Terzo had never seen Secondo cry. His brother was always so stoic. Secondo took everything in stride and grace, and demanded nothing but authority in every situation. But when he reached his destination, Terzo stared at a man that was just as lifeless as the bodies six feet under them. 

He was almost afraid to touch him. He didn’t want to upset his brother further, but Terzo couldn’t bring himself to leave either. The younger brother’s throat tightened and he stood rigid- but soon eased himself beside his superior dark Eminence, sitting on the painfully cold metal bench that faced her grave.

He held his breath for Secondo to snap and tell him to fuck off, he almost wanted him to, just to have a sign of normalcy from his brother. When that never came, he slipped his arms around him, and just press himself as close as he could, remaining silent. When there was still no reaction from Secondo, he laced his hand in his and squeezed.

 “Ti voglio bene...”

Terzo hated how his voice shook and cracked when he whispered it against Secondo’s shoulder. He needed to get a fucking grip- 

Weakly, Secondo finally squeezed Terzo’s hand back. Oh- Lucifer, he can’t cry. That’s all it took for Terzo to press his face against his brother’s shoulder and hug him tightly. 

Thunder raged in the distance when Terzo’s blinding white eye spotted one of Nihil’s ghouls walking over to Imperator at the top of the stairs to the church's entrance. The sight of dried blood on black fabric made violet lightning split the sky- before an explosive peal broke the silence.

To this day they still don’t know exactly which ghoul murdered her.

As soon as the moon had cast a blinding glow upon the cemetery did Seconod’s mourning cease. He has been mentally preparing to recite the words of the many grimoires he’d read with Sister Diana, realizing that the dark arts had brought them together for a specific purpose, in this moment, he would raise her from the earth. It needed to be done before the decay of her internal organs began. It was the most demanding casting Secondo had done at that point in his practice. But by the time the moon was at its peak in the sky, Diana rose from her grave, her skin sickly, bones snapping back into place and mending her body where it had been broken. Standing in a horrific sight from the hole she clawed herself out of. Her hand’s blacked and clawed, raw from scratching out of her own casket. Yet she smiled at him like the day he met her.

Now you can really imagine the family’s reaction, seeing the dead sister walking through the halls the following day of her funeral. Sister Imperator seemed especially stunned, for whatever reason. I’ll have to draw some of these reactions later lol.

Thankfully not much changed after that, as Diana kept to herself mostly, her returned presence was not immediately noticed by the rest of the church. The siblings would of course rumor that a ghost haunted the mortuary, with exposed bone and rotting flesh. None of this was true of course. Secondo only noticed she was colder to the touch now, and smelled more like the earth, but her beauty and mind were in tact. He knew why Lucifer brought them together that day with necromancy, and he was now more driven than ever to master the evil forces. 

Nonetheless, Cardinal Secondo and Sister Diana were very happy to be reunited. Bellamy was born just a little over a year after her mother’s resurrection, as physical proof of that rejoined love. 

Currently, in the timeline of this au, Bellamy is now seven years old and Second is now Papa Emeritus II. There will be more content to come with her, I know this response is getting stupidly long lol. For now, I’ll end it with this goof ass doodle of Bellamy’s dedication ceremony to Lucifer and Lilith, actually led by Papa Nihil, who shockingly volunteered to dedicate his granddaughter to the Lords of Hell at the altar. 

Primo better get a comfortable ass seat in hell for the shit he puts up with.

That’s all for now 💐🖤

[void-botanist]

Character interview: Hoven

@autumnalwalker tagged me for this a while back, and before I got swamped with finals I tried doing it for Dez. It was kind of lackluster (this poor droid doesn't even know what there is to have opinions about) but Hoven worked nicely.

I'm going to leave this one as an open tag.

Are you named after anyone? No. When was the last time you cried? That's a bit…personal, don't you think? Perhaps you don't, since you're asking. Well, it was recent, I'll say that much.

Do you have any kids? No. But Syndy arguably is, in some capacity. It was unreasonably difficult to make me Syndy's legal guardian, so officially I have no relationship to her, but…Gweltsen used to joke that they should marry me to expedite the adoption process. If that had happened, I would be Syndy's parent, legally. I would also be a widower. (<- is going to be thinking about that forever now)

Do you use sarcasm? Sure, but it's usually not necessary.

What's the first thing you notice about people? Their species, which I suppose is normal.

What's your eye color? Amber.

Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings, but only if they're earned. I cannot stress enough that there is no genre that requires happy endings, despite what some insist. And a happy ending can and perhaps should be complex. Regardless of whether it's realistic, a uniformly happy ending for all parties is rarely interesting.

Any special talents? I'm reasonably fluent in six languages. I have also been told that I have an uncanny ability to translate requests into resource call numbers. But I can only do that in a limited domain, and I'm sometimes wrong and look an absolute fool who does not believe in catalogs. It's really just the result of being a librarian using the same classification system for the better part of two decades.

Where were you born? A birth hotel in River City. Another translation is 'birth hospital', but I think the meaning comes across either way.

What are your hobbies? I suppose most of my hobbies boil down to reading, somehow. Reading books, reading museum placards, reading finding aids, reading an unbelievable number of emails…but that one's perhaps not a hobby. I watch TV shows on occasion. Lately I've gained a new appreciation for experiencing architecture firsthand. I've also been promised a trip into the mountains for some hiking, though I admit I don't have the fortitude to make it into a camping trip as well.

Do you have any pets? I haven't had a pet since…well, Ozen has a fishtank, but I think I was simply a participant in Ozen having pets.

What sports do you play/have played? It depends on what you consider a sport. Most I've tried I'm mediocre to middling at. I still do try the local sports when I move somewhere new, but I've never stuck with one for long - with the exception of orienteering. Sal and I have done the events in the region most years, and I do sometimes beat him.

Oh, but what you probably expected me to say was something like 'I'm excellent at trivia'. Well, I am, but I can't see how that's a sport.

How tall are you? 5' 1". You don't count the horns.

Favorite subject in school? Language, especially foreign languages, and especially Esailla. I learned more about orea-nawwenn from my Esailla class than I ever did in interspecies studies.

Dream job? Well, it used to be 'archivist at Niievosk Palace', but that dream is past for a lot of reasons. Now, I…I don't really know. But I'd like to return to archival work.

[lauvra]

Lost/Found Notes Pt. 11. 17/02/22 Remembering the body communicates it's needs, I wonder why mine suggests I swallow the ocean. Is this what they call the mind's corruption? This renewed ease in turning away? Is living in accordance with the true nature of things to devour, after all? Perhaps I am to rewrite the mind in order to allow others leave with their lives. Swim free, you functional scaly holograms. Reprogram me, I want the flicker of system failure just long enough to fall off the ladder. Maybe I'll wake as a pixel glint in the eye of some anonymous user's design. I can barely reason with deniers of reincarnation, it's all that's ever made much sense to me, naturally. I saw the Vulture on screen at the movie theatre last night and cried in silence. What gives any the grand belief they'll come back breathing? Maybe I'll return as the moment Donkey Kong's adversary realises he's been struck by a barrel. Just one pause out of trillions of indistinguishable discoveries. 23/2/22 A new freckle fell from the sky and landed on my arm. 26/2/22 I can't bring myself yet to contest my peace, it has been so long wandering toward this clearing in which I finally find myself and I know I'll not stay long, for even if I do, time will eventually overtake. The sun and rains will tempt the clearing into overgrowth and I will become again entangled. So I'll just sit here, and not drag guilt or grief into this field. 8/3/22 On my street the trees are emerging through the asphalt, victorious. Reclaim us. 15/03/22 I wake at intervals in defiance. In dreams I am chained inside frames that make me make sense to others. I wake at intervals to poetry unfolding faster than I can tack it down. I wake at intervals as what I am. I strip in my sleep, waking naked and for an instant I can see. I wake with a saintly grace, then forget myself. 15/03/22 People don't want to be wrong about even their worst assumptions. 17/3/22 Some people had no chance against intellectual thought. He says I'm to wait two weeks for the next book we'll read together. I like to visualise laying beside somebody, reading our respective books in peace, reaching over to pat the curvature of soft linen every so often, just to be sure. In this time I've read Lispector's 'An Apprenticeship or the Book of Pleasures', it's about Lori, a disconnected teacher who meets a philosophy Professor who waits. People don't wait for each other anymore, I've been guilty of it. What happened to courtship? I've been reading Andy Warhol's book. I read it a decade ago, but I was different, then. I'm so taken by what reads as his accurate portrayal of his own aura and presented vision that I sat the book down to contemplate what I'd say of myself. How could somebody so fixated on nothing, be so well drawn? Where does the time go when I do this? I devour it, yet it shits me out? Okay. 18/3/22 My friend said "Mirrors don't work for you like they do for other people." 23/03/22 Intimate understanding of another has only ever been a brief illusion, a beautiful idea. Temporary commonality found on grounds ever shifting. I believe we are alone.

4/4/22 [BTW, for as long as you allow them.] How many times do people think they can dismiss you and expect you'll still open up about your inner life to them? How many times can someone mock your belief system, judge and mischaracterise it, claim to hold the answers as only a radical would and find you capable of coexisting? How many times can someone show appreciation for all your tolerance, then decide at a whim they're unique and dismiss where the similarities really lay. People think love bombing isn't sincere, unfortunately it often is. That's why it works. People think devaluing is a momentary lapse, but that too is also authentic, at the time. I don't want to hear how great I am, the negative cycles back around and I hear the same insults, again. If you think I should ignore recurring behaviours that impact me negatively, that you exhibit compulsively, then you're the problem. My problem is that I keep thinking I can explain this to you. No one should expose themselves repeatedly to people who don't respect them. 17/4/22 Triumph of comprehension.

[shisica]

rewatching pmmm...

6 eps in!

damn this is good. half of me is like damn when i first watched this i didn't appreciate it. the other half is like well it's been a decade perhaps the impression has just faded.

perhaps that's why it does feel fresh still? i remember the main story beats and moments but i wasn't SO into it at the time that i remember all the details.

i like watching knowing the full story bc it makes the foreshadowing and blatant kyubey evil shenanigans so extra scream and rage inducing.

horrible piss creature really takes ANY opportunity (and probably made a lot of them tbh) to go hey madoka 😇 it'd be the PERFECT TIME TO TURN NOW...

but then i'm also like... whenever i rewatch something it's experiencing media in easy mode. i already know the main story so the work has been done, i'm just noticing the smaller stuff now. not that watching media should feel like work - i think i just tend towards rewatching media when watching something new seems kind of daunting.

mami's death was so fucking awful??? she just wanted to happy and not be alone, even though being a magical girl gave her life again she had nobody besides the piss creature. the shock in her expression when it happens. AWFUL.

SHE JUST WANTED SOME FRIENDS...

kyoko might be the fave honestly??? i love a bristly spiky exterior girl where u kno that armour is up for a reason but don't know why yet. i can't wait to see the conclusion of her and sayaka's arc i don't remember it well

i really like sayaka as well. i do find the bluster of her kind of character archetype a bit grating but it works here because it's in contrast with the tragedy they're living in. and she's that combination of very strong minded AND will fight you about it which makes the conflict feel so inevitable and hard to get out of.

the tragedy really is so good because it just. i don't know. feels fully inevitable. madoka is too pure hearted. too kind. there's no way for homura to save her because she'll make the sacrifice when given the choice and when she has to. even after knowing the horrors she will do it.

perhaps this is also being older - it is extra depressing that these kids are like yes this is my lot in life, i can sacrifice it all to keep my loved ones and town safe. y'all should not have to deal with this, just learn your algebra and be a teen!!! tbh this also just Is The Genre and media geared towards children is gonna have child heroes for them to relate to etc. but pmmm isn't that audience so the horror is built into the premise with intention so it makes it all the more wonderfully awful. yay!

i wonder if i'll watch the movies... i don't know. i watched one of them during college but don't even remember what happened besides Gay. i just don't like watching movies for what I first experienced as TV episode style stories. i want things to either be episodic or be a standalone movie.

ALSO i was totally tricked by the first ed that was used for the first two eps. i was like huh i don't remember this ed! that's weird, i usually remember both the op and ed bc i don't skip them. THEN IT CHANGES AFTER MAMI DIES FFDJDJD--

ALSO ALSO the fact that mami is presented to madoka and sayaka as this older sister mentor figure (she lives alone! has tea sets and tasty dessert! so knowledgable about magical girl stuff that she can take them along) but she is just ONE YEAR OLDER, she may be a "senior magical girl" but she's just as young as they are!!! also deserving of a normal ass teenage life!!! but then w/o the piss creature she would be dead. So

[unwrittenlibrary]

be still my foolish heart (don’t ruin this on me)

Summary: bucky barnes doesn’t have very many people left in his life who care, but he has you... or; five times you and bucky show your love & the one time you finally say it. (bucky x fem!reader)

Words: 4.3K

Warnings: fluff & pining. no major spoilers of tfatws. 

Notes: hi! i was going to try and maintain separate accounts to keep my writing organized, but i am lazy and can’t switch back and forth all the time. so! here’s to me now being a multific blog! i hope this does not upset my current followers (and maybe brings some new ones in) this was originally posted my ao3 . happy reading! 

I.

You’re the only person who calls him James. It fluctuates between Buck and James, but either way, you’re the only person allowed to call him either.

He thinks his name just sounds so pretty coming from your mouth. He doesn’t want to hear anything else. Doesn’t really want you to call him Bucky because then it won’t sound right when anybody else does.

So you’re the only person that calls him James. The only person he lets call him James.

“James.” You say softly as he falls onto your couch. He’s got a black eye and a busted lip and he knows there’s nothing he can say to quell your worry. So he settles with a smile that causes a wince that makes you let out a breathless laugh. “I told you to be more careful.”

You sit on your coffee table across from him and lean forward with the washcloth in your hand. His eyes fall to his lap and he nods. “You should see the other guy.”

You shake your head tensely as you gently wipe at the dried blood carefully to avoid the bruise still forming. “James. I’m serious. You’re not invincible.” He raises an eyebrow and you sigh. “You may be a super soldier, but you can still get hurt. I hate seeing you hurt.”

You lean back and drop the cloth onto the table next to you. “I know, doll.” You shake your head at the nickname and he smiles. You had told him you thought it was corny, but as long as you called him James, he would call you doll.

And he knew you secretly liked the nickname.

The same way you knew he secretly liked to hear his name when you said it.

“I have some vaseline in the bathroom. We can put it on your lip and then you need to get some sleep.” You pull him by his hand down your hall.

He glances out the window of your bedroom before you pull him into the bathroom. “I don’t need to sleep, the sun is still out.” He says quietly as you search through your cabinet.

You look up sharply. “You need sleep. I’ll be right here, okay?” You stand up straight and lift some vaseline with a q-tip. “I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.” Your eyes focus in as you gently apply the vaseline to Bucky’s lip.

He has to force himself not to smile. The cut will be gone by tomorrow and this will have been all for naught as it won’t affect how it heals. He appreciates the comfort it gives him. He relishes in the warmth that came with your care and love for your friends.

You step away with a proud smile. “I think I’m supposed to do the protecting, doll.” He says quietly. He desperately wants to reach his hands out and settle them on your waist.

Feel the warmth through your worn out sweatshirt and pull you close. But he doesn’t, afraid of something but unsure of what exactly, so he smiles graciously.

“We protect each other, James. In different ways.” You say just as quietly.

It’s all Bucky needs to get a couple comfortable hours of sleep in your room.

II.

He calls you every night. Or at least he tries to when he’s not in DC. Sometimes they’re so busy he doesn’t get the chance.

Tonight was one of those nights. He stares desperately down at his phone, urging the time to change so it was earlier in the night. He couldn’t call now. Not in the middle of the night when he knew you were asleep.

“You gonna go to bed?” Sam asks quietly from his spot in the living room. He’s been sitting silently with Bucky since they returned to the hotel, but Bucky could tell he was exhausted.

Bucky nods. “I’ll sleep out here.” He says quietly and unwilling to claim a bed. He couldn’t sleep in one for a full night, he could barely nap in yours when you forced him to rest.

Sam frowns and they both know he understands Bucky’s fear of the too big and too soft bed sitting empty in the other room. But the man nods before disappearing into his room and shutting the door behind him.

Bucky rests his head against the back of the couch and begins to take deep breaths. His phone vibrates in his hand and his eyes widen when he sees your name flash across the screen.

He doesn’t hesitate to answer. “Doll? What’s got you up so late?”

You laugh quietly. “Just knew you needed me.” You say after a moment of silence. “We’ve got that telepathy. I know things.”

Bucky laughs softly. “Yeah? You just knew?” He finds himself believing your words, even though he knows the more likely scenario is that you couldn’t sleep either.

You sigh into the phone and Bucky shuts his eyes again. “Sam texted me, but I was already awake. I switched shifts with the night nurse today, so I’ll be awake all night.”

“You know you don’t have to call when you’re at work.” Bucky says quietly. “I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

You laugh. “I have a few minutes to myself while the other nurse mans the station. Most of the kids are asleep, so I can spare some time for you. Especially when you need me.”

Bucky nods for a second before realizing you wouldn’t be able to see it. “Thank you.”

“What’s wrong, James?” You ask in a whisper. He listens for a moment as you take a sip of something, probably your water, before deciding to answer.

“This is longer than I thought I’d be gone…” He trails off. Him and Sam were originally only supposed to be in New York for a few days, a week tops, but this mission had dragged on and it had already been almost two weeks. “I…” He trails off.

He missed home. Something he’d never thought he’d think of DC as. Brooklyn had been his home and he was only a bridge away. Brooklyn had been his home. Steve. Wakanda for a short period of time.

But Steve was gone. And he was no longer recovering under the Wakandans graceful care. Brooklyn was a distant memory and DC… Well DC had you. And at some point you had become home for him.

“I know.” You say quietly, like you understand his silence. You do, he supposes. You understand almost every part of him. You understand that he missed you and home , but that he still struggles to admit his feelings. “I miss you too, James.”

He doesn’t say anything in response, but he doesn’t really have a chance to. He hears a siren in the background then you rush out, “Shit. I have to go!” Then all that’s there is a dial tone. Bucky smiles though. You’re off to be a different kind of hero.

He sits in silence and lets your words wash over him. It was new having all these people who cared about him. Decades all alone and treated as a weapon made learning to let people in again a new kind of difficult.

But it didn’t feel as hard with you there to help, he thinks

III.

He has to force himself to keep his eyes open. His nightmares had been particularly awful this week, and now he was sitting beside your heavily asleep body.

He was stuck staring at the repeating trailer on the netflix screen. Logically, he knows he could close his eyes and rest his head against yours on his shoulder.

But he was terrified a nightmare would take over and he would wake you up with a jolt, or worse hurt you if it was particularly awful.  

So, he forces himself to stay awake and watches the movie trailer again. He thinks you would like the movie.

“Buck.” You mutter tiredly. His eyes snap to you and he finds your eyes open and staring up at him. “Aren’t you tired?”

He shakes his head gently, careful to not move you. You narrow your eyes and slowly sit up. “Come on, let’s go to bed. You can stay here tonight.”

Bucky hesitates as you stand. He watches as you stretch your entire body and has to force his eyes to his lap when your shirt rides up and your stomach shows.

He had never spent the night at your place. He had spent all day. Even napped at your place often when he came over in the afternoon and you forced him to rest.

He always left before you went to sleep though. So he could suffer through his dreams on his own. So he didn’t drag you down.

You look down at him with soft eyes. “Grab some water. I’ll be in my room, okay?”

“I can go home. I don’t want to intrude.” He answers. Bucky looks out your window and sees just how dark and dead the streets outside were. It wasn’t like he had anything to worry about walking home.

You’re shaking your head before he can even finish. “It’s late and you’re tired, I don’t want you getting hurt. Stay here.” The words are quiet but hold a fierceness that Bucky knows not to argue against.

He nods. “I��m gonna grab some water then.” The nerves coiling around his stomach is almost worth it when your face lights up and you nod excitedly.

The two of you split up in the hall. You moving towards your bedroom and him into the kitchen. After pouring a glass of water, he stands still for a moment and just studies the room.

Your counter is crowded. Different appliances pushed against the wall, ready to be pulled out and plugged in whenever you wanted. A utensil holder stuffed to the brim with spoons and spatulas that seemed to keep appearing. Mail piling up on the counter. A scrub top draped over the back of one of your barstools.

Your kitchen was crowded, but lived in and so very you that Bucky loved it. He loved you, he thinks almost hesitantly.

He pushes the thought to the back of his mind when you call his name out. He knew he cared about you deeply and he loved you as a friend but this feeling in his chest and the speed of his heartbeat makes him think maybe he’s started to feel more. Or maybe he always has.

He doesn’t want to ruin this though. So he pushes the thought away and makes his way towards your room. “I can sleep on the…” His words die on his tongue when he sees the small set up of blankets and pillows beside your bed.

You’re watching him nervously as you try to gauge his reaction. Bucky is stuck standing in stunned silence as he looks it over.

You’ve pulled out a thin duvet and placed it on the ground with extra pillows and blankets for him to lay on. “I remember Sam mentioning soldiers have a tough time sleeping through the night in a bed. Obviously you can sleep in the bed if you want but I just figured that…” You trail off and gesture towards the makeshift bed with a small flourish.

“This is…” He trails off. The warmth in his chest grows with each passing second and his heart races. “Thank you. This is perfect.”

A smile spreads across your face. “Good. Good. I was… I’m glad. And I’m right here if you need me. To protect you.” You say with a teasing glance as you crawl into the bed.

You lay on the side closest to where you’ve set up the floor for him. He laughs softly before moving towards his own space.

He’s still nervous to sleep in the same room. Still feels a little self conscious as he lays his head on the pillow and pulls the light blanket over him. But you don’t seem to really mind his presence as you make yourself comfortable above him.

He takes a deep breath. He definitely loved you.

And things like this gave him hope that you did, or maybe could, love him too.

Later that night he jolts awake with heavy breaths and you look down at him with worried eyes. He shakes his head when you open your mouth not wanting to talk about the dream.

It’s the same thing every time. People that he hurt who didn’t deserve it. The pain of his memories being erased. And he doesn’t want to weigh you down with his trauma anymore than he already has.

You watch him for a moment before nodding silently. Bucky thinks that’s the end of it but he’s shocked when your hand falls off the side of the bed palm open.

He glances up at you and you smile gently but say nothing. He reaches his right hand up and interlocks his fingers with yours.

It’s a little awkward and his arm tenses after a few minutes but it’s far too comforting for him to want to let go. Your hand tightens in his and Bucky finds it easier to fall asleep his hand intertwined with yours.

IV.

Bucky felt awkward in the hospital. He felt too hard and intimidating to be standing in the center of the pediatric ward waiting for you in your teddy bear scrub top and white bottoms.

“Excuse me?” He glances down when he feels a tug on his hand. There’s a young boy standing in front of him with wide eyes. “You’re friends with Captain America?”

Bucky hesitates for a moment before answering. “Yes.” He settles on saying as gently as he can.

He glances around in search of you. He had texted you when he arrived at the hospital and you had responded with a thumbs up, but he was assuming you had gotten busy in the time in between.

The boy squeals excitedly. “Is he here too? Can I meet him?”

Bucky shakes his head softly and kneels to be at eye level with the boy. “He’s home with his family.” When his eyes begin to water and his lip pouts, Bucky begins to panic. “But! I’m sure he’d love to visit soon! I can bring him! What’s your name?”

“Riley!” He looks up at the sound of your voice. A large smile spreads across your face at the sight of Bucky kneeling before the kid.  You say something to the nurse beside you before rushing down the hall towards them.

“Riley.” You place a gentle hand on his shoulder. “What are you doing out of bed? You’re supposed to be in bed.” You look down with imploring eyes and the young boy looks away with an embarrassed smile.

“But! It’s Bucky! He’s Captain America’s sidekick.” Bucky’s mouth falls open in shock at the boy's statement.

“Sidekick?” Bucky asks in an offended tone. “Well-“ He cuts himself off when you look at him with exasperated eyes.

“And he said he would bring Captain America in! To meet me!” The boy's excitement obviously leaves him ignorant of Bucky's offense at being called a sidekick.

“And I’m sure he will. But right now you should be in bed.” You say sternly. The boy nods dejectedly and allows you to lead him back into his room.

When you come back out a large smile spreads across your face at the sight of Bucky standing and wiping his hand against his pants.

He can’t help but reciprocate the same large smile. He drops the bag in his hand on the counter beside him and opens his arms as you slam into him with your arms around his waist.

“Thank you so much! I thought my night was ruined!” You pull away but don’t let go as you smile up at him. “We can eat in the cafeteria.”

You grab the bag before he gets the chance to. You turn to the nurse that was sitting and going through charts next to you and with a big grin say, “Page me if you need me, I’ll be in the cafeteria!”

The woman nods with a soft laugh before looking down at the computer. You take Bucky’s hand in yours and begin to pull him towards the elevator.

“I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this. I know hospitals aren’t your thing.” You say quietly as the two of you step in. You lean away and press the two button.

Bucky thinks for a moment that you’re going to let go of his hand now that you’re not leading him anywhere but you don’t. Bucky smiles at the thought of this becoming a normal occurrence.

Your hand just felt right in his.

“Anything for you, doll.” He says quietly. He glances at you quickly before looking back at the descending numbers. “You’re my best girl.”

You nudge him with your shoulder as you laugh quietly. “That sounds like a line right out of the forties.”

Heat rises to Bucky’s cheeks but he laughs along. “You can take the man out of the forties but you can't take the forties out of the man.”

The two of you look at each other before you both burst out laughing. When the elevator stops on your designated floor you pull him out with you.

“As long as I get to be on the end of all that forties charm, I don’t mind a bit.” You lean into his side and smile brightly.

Bucky looks away as his cheeks turn an even brighter red. You giggle quietly when he looks back down at you. “Yeah. It’s always you at the end of it.”

The two of you look at each other for a moment before you pull him into a crowded cafeteria. “Let’s eat before I’m paged back to my floor.”

V.

Bucky had grown more comfortable around you the longer you knew each other, but he still struggled to be fully comfortable with his arm.

It was a different arm, Steve had said once what felt like forever ago. He had rationalized with Bucky. His other arm had been attached to him and forced on him as a weapon. This arm had been made for him with peace in mind. It was untarnished. Mostly.

But a different arm didn’t change much for him. He had still caused so much pain with it. Was it really that different at all? His arm had always and will always be looked at as a weapon.

So he still wore long sleeves and a glove most of the time. Rarely let you see his biggest shame. You usually didn’t push. Sat on his right side. Held his right hand. You rarely said anything about it, it was almost like it didn't exist.

But, curiosity won out sometimes.

“Why won’t you let me see your arm?” You ask quietly one night. He’s sitting on one of your bar stools as you mix a pasta sauce in front of him.

It had been silent most of the night. You insisted on cooking your famous (at least that’s what you called it) pasta dish after not seeing him for a few days as a welcome home.  

Bucky looks up at you with shocked eyes. You had never mentioned wanting to see his arm. He had assumed you didn’t want to.

“I… I don’t know.” He says quietly. He taps his fingers, his flesh fingers, against the counter top nervously. You watch him with hopeful eyes waiting for a real answer to the question. “I guess it’s easy to pretend it’s not there when someone’s never really seen it.”

“Hm.” You mumble in response. You step away from the stovetop and move towards him. “Why would you want to pretend it doesn’t exist? It’s a part of you.”

Bucky looks down at the gloved hand in his lap. “Doll… It’s not… It’s an ugly part of me. Dark and violent. And when I’m with you I get to pretend I’m not that.”

You come to stand in front of him. “There are no ugly parts of you. There’s you. There’s dark and there’s hurt and traumatized parts, but no part of you is ugly. Because on the other end of those there’s bright and happy and healing. Growth. James Buchanan Barnes, I can’t emphasize how beautiful I think you are.”

You raise your hand to rest it against his cheek and force him to look up at you. He shuts his eyes and leans into it. “And I’d really like to see your arm. To know that part of you too, but I won’t make you show me. I want you to show me on your own time.”

Bucky lets himself relish in the softness of your hand against his cheek before leaning away. “Okay…” He takes a deep breath. “Okay.”

He begins to shrug out of his jacket when your hand comes to rest on his right shoulder. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I need you to know that.” You say quietly.

Bucky gives you a small smile. “I know… Doll, you’re the person I trust most in the world. I want you to know me. All of me.”

You smile down at him and take a step back to give him space. Bucky shrugs the jacket off quickly before he can second guess himself. The glove comes off next and Bucky feels strangely naked as your eyes trace over him.

“Buck…” You trail off. Your hand comes up before pausing. You look up at him with questioning eyes and he nods. Your hand comes to rest on his shoulder and you raise his sleeve up a tiny bit to look at the scars that litter his shoulder.

Bucky rarely looked at the scars there. Decades of the arm built by HYDRA had destroyed so much of his skin it had taken forever for Shuri to properly fix and build his new arm.

Your hand moves from his shoulder to the metal arm and your fingers trace over the plates and move through the lines of gold. You move your hand in silence. Slowly taking in the creation.

“This is beautiful.” You finally say quietly as your hand meets his. You interlock his metal fingers in yours and he pulls you closer. You look down at him with a sincere smile. “How could you ever think this is anything but beautiful?” You ask quietly.

Your other hand comes to rest on his cheek again. Bucky looks up at you and sees a flurry of emotions flicker in your eyes.

Part of him wants to pull you down and kiss you senseless. Show you how much he appreciates your never ending warmth.

But he can’t bring himself to ruin the moment. Finds that he doesn’t really want to. He enjoys being here intertwined with you.

And I.

He doesn’t hide his arm from you anymore. Finds himself shedding his jacket and gloves the second he’s inside your apartment.

You don’t really say anything, but he’s noticed the smile on your face whenever you notice him in his short sleeve shirt. He thinks one day he’ll be ready to go out without gloves on. He’ll wear short sleeves out in the summer instead of covering up with the jacket.

But now with you, it feels like progress enough.

You sit on his left most of the time now, like tonight, and hold his metal hand in yours like it’s flesh. It had taken some getting used to. He had flinched away the first time you’d done it, but now it felt almost like habit.

You didn’t seem to think leaning against his metal arm was uncomfortable at all. Never showed signs of discomfort when your head rested against his shoulder.

“I love you.” You say quietly. So quietly Bucky almost doesn’t hear it. He freezes for a moment before swallowing and nodding. He assumes you mean the words as a friend, he had heard you say them to Sam and your other friends from work.

“Me too.” He says just as quietly. He’s sure if he says the actual words you’ll see just how much he means them. How terribly in love with you he is.

But that doesn’t seem good enough because you sit up and place a gentle hand on his cheek that forces him to look you in the eyes.

“James, I love you.” You say the words with so much passion that Bucky knows without hesitation that you mean you’re in love with him. That you loved him as more than a friend.

Tears gather in his eyes as he nods. “I love you too, doll.” He laughs wetly as a smile spreads across your face. “God. I love you so fucking much it’s scary.”

You laugh too. “Good. I was so fucking scared. Buck, you’re my best friend. I… I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Bucky’s hand moves from his lap to your cheek before landing behind your neck. He pulls you in and when he kisses you and you kiss back he thinks he finally understands how much you love him.

Moments flash in his mind as you crawl onto his lap so you’re straddling him. Your constant patience with him. The gentle way you say his first name. The bright smiles and great excitement.

The ability to see the beauty in him.

You pull away with a deep breath and begin peppering kisses across his face. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” You say quietly.

Bucky shuts his eyes as he relishes in your affection. “I love you too.” He murmurs. You had become his home.

Somebody who could mend the crack caused by Steve’s departure. Different aspects of his life, yes, but you had helped him heal nonetheless.

He loved you.

And you loved him. You always had. It had just taken Bucky some time to understand how you showed it.

[angelistic11]

Logan Lerman Is Learning to Love Hollywood

This is Logan Lerman’s first feature interview in almost two years. For an actor of his prominence and caliber, that’s a rarity. But despite almost two decades of playing leading roles in box office hits like the Percy Jackson & the Olympians film franchise and The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Lerman finds the act of promotion, specifically talking about himself, extremely off-putting. It’s one of the main reasons he can’t stand Hollywood. And it’s also why our conversation feels so refreshingly earnest. “Oftentimes, you look at the trades and see announcements for projects, and it’s all in vain,” Lerman tells me during a phone call from his West Hollywood home. “It’s just people trying to get attention for themselves and the projects aren’t real. And I don’t want to be that guy. I feel like I’m much quieter about the things I’m working on. That’s the way I like it.” That might explain why the public hasn’t seen Lerman in a major motion picture for almost 10 years. In this time, he’s maintained consistent work as a producer, but he’s wary to discuss anything coming down the line in detail. (“You never know if anything’s going to actually get made, never know if things are going to pan out,” he says, “And a million things can go wrong.”) Thankfully for Lerman, his long game of committing to the craft continues to pay off. Coming off of a movie premiere for his role inBullet Train, the second season of the Jordan Peele -produced series Hunters, and a calendar stacked with possible projects, life is relatively good for the tenured Hollywood actor. When it’s all said and done, he feels “great,” back at home in WeHo. The reason he finds himself back in his hometown of Los Angeles after a seven-year stint in New York City is a relatable one: he moved during the Covid-19 pandemic. Finding himself “trapped” during a visit metamorphosed into a second act in L.A., one that consisted of hiking, going to the beach with friends, and having the solace to sit down and develop new projects. But the list of reasons he’s happy to be back on the West Coast is accompanied by an even longer list of reasons he can’t stand his hometown, especially the culture the film industry has cultivated within it. “Everyone’s wrapped up in everyone else’s wants and puts this pressure on everyone to continue being in some conversation,” he says. “You have this desperate desire to be relevant.” Aware of the cynicism, he’s been working on shifting his perspective about the city, and finding new ways to appreciate it. “I’m lucky, though, that now, I have a really happy home and good lifestyle,” he adds.

Two years of few box office opportunities and very little work grounded Lerman back into a place of understanding why not everyone cannot take “risks” and “sacrifices.” Unless, of course, Brad Pitt’s on the line. “Brad Pitt is the only person who could justify a studio making a movie during a pandemic,” Lerman says. Along with corralling Joey King, Bad Bunny, Aaron Taylor Johnson, and Brian Tyree Henry, we can thank Pitt for Lerman’s role in the new movie Bullet Train —even if it is a small one. “I know Brad and I’ve been friends with him for years and love him,” Lerman says. So when the Hollywood mogul called him up in the middle of the pandemic, he couldn’t resist joining the project. “It was nice to have an excuse to go to work when nobody was really working. I was really lucky to be doing that,” he says. An action comedy in which five assassins battle each other on a Japanese bullet train, Lerman plays the son of White Death (Michael Shannon) whose unexpected murder along the ride results in a Weekend at Bernie’s -esque scheme by Tangerine (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Lemon (Brian Tyree Henry) to create the illusion that he is still alive.

He considered his time on set as a chance to “observe” the best in the business. “They’re doing the most exciting things with fight choreography, and to see them create these dances of sorts in such a tight space…[plus,] the beats of humor throughout the fight sequences are exceptionally well-crafted,” he says. Outside of this,Lermandoes not want anyone to assume that this is in any way more than just a guy doing some friends a favor. And that’s how he talks about all of his past works, big or small. His last lead as Charlie in The Perks of Being a Wallflower,the 2012 film adaptation of Stephen Chbosky’s book of the same name, had an impact on the zeitgeist of the late aughts, causing Lerman to rise to relevance simultaneously with the first iterations of social media. From Charlie riding through a tunnel in the bed of a truck to David Bowie’s Heroes, to gifs of him telling the manic pixie girl of his dreams, Sam (played byEmma Watson), “We accept the love we think we deserve,” images and videos of Lerman were reshared across Internet dashboards worldwide for years. He became the face of a generation expressing their adolescent angst in completely new ways. Even as social media has evolved, the relevance of Lerman’s impact has just been readapted to fit new platforms. On TikTok, both Perks and Lerman pop up in conversations around nostalgia and core memories (along with how he remains a major heartthrob thanks, in part, to his girlfriend Ana Corrigan’s social presence, and the content she posts of the two of them). It’s why the film remains one of Lerman’s fondest works, and, he says, is the kind of role that drives him. “That is a really special feeling, to be a part of something and know that it’s had a big impact on someone's life," he says. “I guess that’s the bar an actor hopes to reach: making something that means a lot to someone else.”

An executive producer on a few independent projects, Lerman is privy to the backend of getting a project off the ground. At the root, the biggest obstacle is, more often than not, money: both in creating the film and the reward financiers will see when it hits the box office. This is Lerman’s biggest gripe with the industry, merely because he doesn’t agree with it. He emphasizes more than once the value of independent films, unique storytelling, and how difficult it is to be heard in all the noise of the entertainment industry’s constantly shifting landscape. “It’s the most important side of the culture that I care about so much,” he says, “Seeing films in theaters, seeing original films get made, seeing new voices attract the financing to get their movies made.” But he would be remiss to remain cynical about it, especially during a time when independent filmmakers are taking risks that have been received with overwhelming praise. He points to Everything Everywhere All At Once, the Daniels film starring Michelle Yeoh, Stephanie Hsu, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Ke Hu Quan made with an independent film budget which received surmounting success. “[Viewers] want bolder choices,” he says. “They want new visions. They’re craving something new. I’m craving something.”

This enthusiasm for the future of film is infectious—so much so that I can’t imagine anyone rejecting an actor with a résumé of his caliber. Stepping into the spotlight at age 8 in The Patriot, followed by consecutive years as the lead in films like Hoot (which has a young Brie Larson), Stuck in Love, and The Three Musketeers, his credibility in Hollywood is unwavering. But rather than assuming everyone is familiar with his past projects, he approaches the conversation as if you’ve probably never heard of them. This humility feels like a mental tactic, one which helps him separate his identity from mega-movie star to, simply, an actor. It does not present itself in a pretentious manner—instead, it’s an evolution as a result of a lifetime of experience. “There are a lot of pressures here that are unique to Hollywood,” he continues. “I’ve had too much time to observe it. I’ve been trying to approach it with fresh eyes now.” The appreciation and sense of humility Lerman carries was something he had to learn and continues to work on. “You can’t avoid it. It’s just about recognizing it and keeping your values in line,” he says. In an industry known to absorb and destroy young talent, his approach to his work feels like a form of self-preservation. It’s also a relief to know that a person who’s had such an impact on late-aughts kids is doing alright. “Early on, it was harder for me to appreciate things,” he says. “I was too wrapped up in the newness of all of it, the newness of the entire experience of making things and being a part of things, and impacting people. But now I’m in a place where I try to enjoy it more: the entire process of being in a production and the release of it, and the impact it’s had on people.”

While the possibility of leading in a major motion film in the near future isn’t out of the question, Lerman is just fine where he is: knee-deep in preparation for the first of a slate of projects he'd begun working on during lockdown. It’s his favorite part of the process. “It’s been a really long journey, a long road so far,” he adds.“I’ve always loved it and it’s always been a passion of mine. Even though I've been doing it for so long, I still feel like I’ve just started, in a way.”

[wandering-travesty]

Off To The Races

 Zeke’s life wasn’t supposed to be like this. His father would have a spontaneous brain aneurism if he saw the daily goings on of the younger Yeager’s household on his days off. Horrid amounts of smoking outside, snow or shine, day-drinking without a second thought, and lonely, not by choice. He had honest-to-god tried to live the life his father wanted for him. He married a woman straight out of law school and knocked her up a few months after. They raised that kid for a year then repeated the process. They lived, laughed, and loved for a few years, then, as a surprise to no one, the divorce came along. His wife had run off with a lump sum of money and started a new life out of state. He got left with two kids, substance abuse issues, and a law firm to run. He was stressed, depressed, and by the holiest powers above, was he horny. 

 Ignoring the horniness for a moment, everything changed when you came around. Every inch of his world brightened, almost like a light at the end of a tunnel. You gave him some form of hope, and reminded him that life wasn’t all doom and gloom. You were still in college, looking for some extra funds to help pay your tuition; a lawyer that doubled as a father of two was the perfect target. You had shown up in your prettiest outfit, almost as if you were showing off for him. Being the kind of man he was, Zeke couldn’t help but hire you. Some sweet, fetching little thing coming up to his decadent doorstep in a tiny little tennis skirt and begging to take care of his kids? That was something he could never turn away. 

 So, you became the official caretaker of Zeke’s little angels. You truly adored looking after them while their, admittedly handsome, father slaved away at his big, important law firm. You rang the doorbell right as the kids were waking up, Zeke greeting you at the door already dressed in one of his repulsively expensive suits. You talked over scones and coffee and made the kids just about anything they wanted. He would leave, and you would get the kids dressed and out the door with ample time to catch the bus. You’d clean the house, make yourself some lunch, play with the family dog. The golden retriever was just another cliche. But you still loved the mutt, especially since every family member loved him, too. You could tell because Zeke had named him after some long-dead baseball player, meaning he would be enamoured with the thing no matter what.  

 It was fun, picking up on little details about Zeke, or Mr. Yeager, as you called him. He loved baseball and would talk about it for hours on end if you let him, and he hated strawberry icecream for some unexplained reason. He was the face of success for his entire life, from being a star pitcher on his little league team back home to captain of the debate team in high school; he had never really failed at anything or gotten robbed of what he wanted. He was a winner in everything he had ever tried. He had mentioned how high-strung his parents were, and how they’d gone through a divorce of their own when he was young. He and his step-brother never got along that well, and had actually turned out to be very different people. His family life was anything but smooth, and he feared his kids would look back on their childhood in the same light. You guessed that’s why tonight was happening. 

 “Alright, I’m entrusting my children, dog, house, and painfully expensive belongings to you for the night.” He was dressed to the nines, hell, the tens. He wore an umber sport coat, mustard turtleneck sweater, a thick black belt, grey slacks, chestnut oxfords, and the most expensive golden watch you had ever seen. His flaxen hair shined perfectly in the low light of the entranceway; it was official: you wanted to fuck him. Rather, you wanted him to fuck you. You wanted him to fuck you stupid and make you squirt all over that pretty watch, and his even prettier face. 

 “I’ve got it covered, Mr. Yeager.” His youngest son wrapped his arms around your legs as the dog rubbed his head into your palm. “Knock ‘er dead!” You gave him your cheesiest smile and thumbs up. He chuckled at you as his eldest son grabbed your free hand. 

 “You’ve got this, Dad!” He cheered, starting to drag you to the living room. 

 “Thank you, Atticus. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He gave a weak smile, turning to leave through the large oak door. It was awful, how badly he wanted to stay there with you and the kids. He wanted to chase Atticus down the hall as the rest of you ran after him, laughing all the way. He wanted to put on some old, boring movie only he wanted to watch and feel your breath on his neck as you fell asleep just after the kids and dog sitting on the floor below you. He wanted to feel your warmth in his bed. He wanted to see what you looked like backed up against a wall. Heaving after an especially passionate kiss. With your legs over your head, screaming his name. The sweat dripping down your face as you came undone beneath him. The little whimpers you’d make as he pulled out of you and cradled you in his arms. He wanted you, not this random woman off of some shitty dating site. He didn’t really want the booze, or the men, or the women, or the money, or the white picket fence, or his father’s approval; he just wanted - no - he needed you. Your game of cat and mouse, seeing which playful “sweetheart” or coy little “Mr. Yeager” would be the one to tip you over the edge of more than friends.  

 “Zeke? That’s you, right?” The tall blonde woman in a sleek black suit walked towards him with an outstretched hand. She could’ve easily been a full foot taller than him. Interesting.

 “Yes. Yelena, correct?” But she wasn’t you. He just wanted to get this night of false wining and dining over with so he could come home to you. You in his big, expensive house. Better yet, his big, expensive bed.

 - 

 You sat and watched the clock after the kids went to bed. It ticked and tocked, back and forth, over and over. It had been about an hour since you’d put them down for the night. You couldn’t wait for Zeke to get home for much longer. Butterflies buzzed through your stomach when you heard the doorbell ring.

 “Mr. Yeager?” You opened the door to the sight of your employer with his shirt halfway unbuttoned, glasses falling off his face, and hair an absolute bird’s nest. 

 “Hey, beautiful.” He purred, slumping onto your shoulder, trying and failing to be smooth. “What’s a pretty thing like you doing in my house, huh?” He looked up at you over the rim of his glasses. The way his eyes glimmered a dark shade of teal lit your entire body on fire. Feeling his full weight on top of you only made it spread farther.

 “Babysitting your kids, for starters.” You maneuvered your bodies to have his arm wrapped around your shoulder as you dragged him back into the house. “Apparently I’ll be babysitting you, too.” You mumbled, just then realizing exactly how muscular he was. You sat him down on the leather couch and started to walk to the kitchen to get him a glass of water. You didn’t have much experience with alcohol, but you believed water helped with it somehow.

 “Damn. Loving the view from back here, gorgeous.” He leaned forwards with his elbows on his knees, licking his chapped lips. You jumped at the sudden compliment. You couldn’t remember him being so…dirty before. You walked a little faster than you already were, wanting to get away from him before you made a stupid decision. You poured a tall glass of water, walking back to the couch where Zeke was now lounging, legs spread far enough to leave barely anything to the imagination.  

 “Hey there, doll. Got somethin’ for me?” He giggled, lowering his head from where he had been resting it. His eyes were something to behold, and the deep rooted confidence and downright cockiness behind them only served to make you shiver. You shuffled closer, a bit skittish at the sight of the beast before you. 

 “It’s just water.” You sat down on the table in front of him. “It’s supposed to help with your metabolism, I think.” Your voice was a higher pitch than usual, feeling an odd pressure in your throat every time you spoke.

 “What a smart little thing you are.” He praised. It felt genuine, and you started to feel hotter. You handed him the glass, trying your best to avoid eye contact. He took the glass, and almost as if he had sensed your intentions, took your chin between his fingers and forced you to look into his deep, ocean eyes. He leaned back a bit, giving you a better view of his exposed chest. There was a light layer of golden hair overtop of his expansive chest, and it seemed to trail down the rest of his body. You wanted to find out if that was true. Still holding eye contact with you, he tipped the glass and send the water spilling down his shirt. You knew that wasn’t just drunken clumsiness, but a calculated measure to get in your pants.

 “Whoops.” He said, eyes cold and emotionless as his words. “You better clean that up, sweetheart. We both know I can’t take care of myself in this state.” You moved closer to him, hands unsure of where they were going. You were shaking a bit, and you didn't have a towel on you. You decided the best course of action was to unbutton his shirt the rest of the way. You felt down his chest, gently tugging on his nipples. He let out a soft groan as you continued to feel him up. 

 “You’re gettin’ a little handsy there, baby. You want something from me?” He pet your hair as you moved further down on his chest. You kissed and gave kitten licks, appreciating every inch and curve of his muscular form. You couldn’t get enough of him, try as you might.

 “I fuckin’ knew it.” He pulled you by your hair to force you to look at him.

 “Filthy little harlot.” He squeezed you cheeks, forcing your mouth open. You looked confused until you felt a glob of spit hit your tongue. You swallowed like it was second nature. 

 “You’re just here for my dick, huh?” You continued to kiss and lick down his abdomen, savoring every ounce of him you could; the smell of cinnamon, menthol, and saltwater hit your nose, intoxicating you further and further the more you breathed him in. “I bet it’s all you think about. Especially when those fingers rub that pretty little cunt until you cum all over yourself.” You let out a whine, signifying exactly how right he was.

 “Yeah.” You dragged your tongue up his six-pack, savoring the slightly salty taste. “Think about you every night.” You licked a stripe down the same line you had just gone up. “Only way I can get to sleep.” He smiled the warmest smile you had ever seen him produce. Such a sweet little thing for him, getting off to thoughts of him railing you silly in order to have a good night’s rest. Your submissive, horny mind was so focused on him you couldn’t get to bed without him. You were perfection in human form. Truly a goddess sent from above. He would worship you in the most degrading way possible.

 “I knew you were dirty, I just needed to force you to show me.” He continued to pet your hair like you were some kind of beloved family pet. You felt so small under his touch; so fragile, as if one touch could blow you away forever. You loved the feeling more than life itself. You felt like you could never live without it again. Touching yourself while thinking about him wouldn’t do the trick; not after you had felt the real thing.

 “That’s it, honey, kiss me like you mean it.” He teased, knowing exactly what was running through your head. Sure, he was no master of seduction, but he had bedded plenty before, and he knew exactly how talented he was. He had learned from years of experience; years you hadn’t yet lived. You would learn it all from him. Those little college boys he could smell on you every so often wouldn’t cut it anymore. He was meant for you, and you for him. He knew he already had you trapped, but playing with you was so fun. Poking and prodding and mocking you all while you worshiped him like he had hung the moon in the sky.

 “You love this body, don’t you, slut?” He pulled your hair suddenly, earning a yelp that went straight to his aching cock. “You know, I’ve only been keeping in shape for you. I knew from the moment you saw me that was the main appeal, and lord knows I’d go through hell to keep you around.” That was true. He knew others would settle for mediocrity, but a flawless little angel like you deserved better than mediocre. You needed someone to match your talent, beauty, and wit. He didn’t believe he equaled you in anything but maybe wits, but still, he was good for you. At least, you seemed to think so, considering you were giving tiny kitten licks to the tip of his recently freed dick. The tip was red, swollen, and leaking a sinful amount of precum. You sucked it all up, taking the engorged head between your plush lips. You felt like heaven, but the ache in your pussy felt like hell. You slowly began to go the full length down his cock. Zeke was right: you had messed around with college boys before, but none were as big as him. Your gag reflex wasn’t prepared, causing you to choke and sputter on it. Zeke grinned slyly.

 “Say my name, sweetie.” He wanted to treat you right, but it was so enjoyable to indulge his sadistic side.

 “Mr. Yeager.” You choked out. You knew how much he enjoyed that title; the feeling of authority it brought him made him hard as a rock every time. He groaned in pleasure, sending shivers down your spine. That knocked him off his rhythm for a moment, but he was right back on you the minute he regained some sense of self.

 “The kids are right upstairs, peacefully sleeping, while you choke on my dick like a dumb little slut.” The thought made you feel so dirty. You shifted on the ground, squeezing your thighs together and trying to get some friction. “And you do it so well, baby. I couldn’t ask for better.” He sighed.

 “That’s it, pretty girl, don’t hurt yourself down there.” He slowly pulled you off his cock by your hair. He didn’t want to admit it, and really didn’t show any signs, but you had him on the verge of cumming down your throat. But he didn’t want his precious seed there. Hell no! He wanted you stuffed to the brim and properly bred.

 “I’ve wanted you for so goddamn long, you don’t even know.” The look on tour face was something beyond pleasure or pain. It was a mix of both with a side of...fear? “What, scared of taking something this big, doll?” You shook your head.

 “Don’t worry, daddy’ll get you nice and wet for him.” He slowly came to hover over you, lifting you up and sitting you down on the couch. He spread your legs, undoing the button of your shorts with his long, thick fingers, bringing his mouth to your zipper and pulling it down with his teeth. He pulled them down your legs, bringing his face to your core. You felt hot on his mouth and nose. He licked a wet stripe up your clothed core,

 “God, you taste like honey, sweetie. I’m so fuckin’ lucky.” He pulled your panties to the side, relishing in the sight of your puffy pussy. You were beautiful in the murky yellow light of the room. You folds shimmered with slick and he could see your cunt clench around nothing, so obviously desperate for his dick. That’s right, his dick. Only his. From now on.

 He dove into you, savoring your tangy flavor. Pussy was a taste all its own, each having new, intense, rich tastes he could barely describe. To be perfectly honest, Zeke was a sucker for a wet little cunt in his mouth, and you were the perfect subject. Every suck to your clit, every kiss and lick to your folds, every darting flick of his tongue into your aching little hole; it had you moaning and whimpering like a ditzy little slut. Your mind was hazy with ecstasy.

 “Don’t get too loud now, dollface. Don’t wanna wake the kids now, do you?” His words brought you back to Earth, forcing you to remember you were being eaten out by a father of two. It felt so filthy to know you had been bringing up his kids, acting as a faux wife, and now you were being treated like one, eaten out of your mind and promised a thorough breeding.

 “Not that I don’t believe you would get off on being watched. I bet you love that idea, huh?” You jolted at the words and the sensation of another kiss to your cunt. “It might sound a little sick, but I could invite my brother over, see if he has as good a taste as mine.” He’d be willing to invite Eren over for a test run of…you? You knew they didn’t get along, so it was surprising, but that only turned you on even more. Imaging them fighting over you like hungry wolves on the hunt. They’d ravish you without even thinking. If this was Zeke, held back, on his own, you could only yelp and whimper at what kind of monsters the two of them would be together.

 “Nah, that little shit doesn’t deserve you.” He smirked into your sopping wet core. Eren never appreciated the finer things in life, still to young to understand the joys of pussy eating. No, he was more for the fuck and chuck kind of lifestyle. You deserved better aftercare than a point towards the door. “Some of the guys at my firm, however. Bet they’d turn you out real nice. They’re all just about as big and pent up as me. We could all show you a real good time." That would be about…three, four, even five of him? All fucking you at once with the same vigor and deep seated intensity. You head buzzed at the thought. "You’d like that, wouldn’t you, whore?” You couldn’t keep up with him in this state. You were completely fucked out without even being fucked at all. Before you knew it, you were cumming all over his gorgeous face and beard. He was taken slightly aback, but he licked it all up in five seconds flat. He was a professional.

 “Answer me, doll.” He delivered a harsh slap to your thigh. He enjoyed the ripple it gave and the red mark his hand had left.

 “Yes, Mr. Yeager.” You stuttered out, barely above a whisper. Torturing you would be fun, but not tonight. No, he needed to be thorough with your pleasure and ensure you would never leave his side again. He gave a few light slaps to your slippery pussy, making your thighs shake and mouth move without making a sound.

 “That’s what I fuckin’ thought.” He slowly stood up, giving you a perfect view of the shining god before you. His body was something sculpted by the old masters; a true work of art. Before you could fully appreciate the image of perfection in front of you, he bent down just a bit, pushing your thigs back as far as they could go, squishing your tits under them. He enjoyed the way your pudgier parts stuck out, giving him more parts of you to pinch and suck on as he fucked into you. His was no doubt the biggest cock you’d ever taken, and it wasn’t easy to have inside of you at first. Your walls clamped down on him so tight it was almost painful. But as he slowly pushed in and out, pleasure began to overtake the pain and you started to loosen up just a bit.

 “Just relax, sweetie. Daddy’s got you.” Of course he had a daddy kink. It made perfect sense, as did yours. Hearing him say that in that truly comforting tone made your head spin with pleasure.

"God, you are so fucking tight." He continued to fuck into you at a savage pace, not seeming to care if you screamed or cry, rather relishing in the fact that you were. You were so young and tight and sensitive, it drove him mad. He was sure he could never go a day without your pussy again.

"You fit me like a vice, sweetheart. You trying to milk me dry? Huh?" Your mouth was hanging open, drool spilling out. It gave him ample opportunity to spit in your mouth once again.

"Swallow it you filthy slut." He lightly tapped your face.

"This is exactly how I wanted you." You could barely hear him, blanking out at the intensity of his continuous pounding of your poor little cunt. "Been thinking about this for months."

"Might just knock you up, sweetie. You already take care of my brats so well, what's one more?" You squealed at the thought. He wanted you to have his babies. He wanted you to be his new, permanent play thing to fuck and fill up every night.

"Yeah. I wan' your babies." You slurred your words, inebriated by the feeling of his cock filling your tight little cunt. He gazed down at your fucked out form, finding a sick sense of pleasure in how far gone you were all thanks to him. You moaned far too loud for someone in a house full of kids. You couldn't hold back, he just felt too damn good.

"You gonna cum, little girl?" He had almost a mocking tone when he asked that. You nodded your head, squeezing your eyes shut. He kept up the pace, abusing your g-spot, not letting up for even a second. He set out to make you feel incredible; like the perfect little plaything he knew you to be, and he wasn’t going to let his slightly aged stamina get in the way.

"That's it, you look so pretty, baby. What a good little slut." He looked down at you with heated intensity. "My little slut." He continued his brutal pace almost as if you had never cum at all.

"Oh, 'd you think I'd quit just 'cause you finished? No fuckin' way." You squealed as he continued to thrust inside you, still drunk on the idea of being full of his cum. You wanted him more than you had wanted anything in your life.

"'M gonna make you squirt all over me. Ruin this nice, expensive couch." You were screaming his name at that point, unable to form a thought that wasn't Zeke and his perfect dick.

"Such a fuckin' cocktease all these months. This is what you get for it. Tummy full of my cum." He slowed his pace as he looked into your eyes with the intensity of a man drunk on desire.

"All those times you flipped your skirt up so I could see your cute little panties." He thrusted into you harder than he had before. "All those times you called me Mr. Yeager in that innocent tone that drove me up the wall." He thrusted harder than you had ever thought possible. You felt him hit your cervix. "Every time you acted like you didn't know what you were doing. Like you didn't know what I wanted." He continued to pound into you. You felt so full, so good.

"You're getting tighter, baby. You gonna squirt while daddy fills you up, huh?" His pace was brutal and you were seeing stars.

"That's it, pretty baby, cum all over me. Let me fill you up." He humped into you a few final times before shooting his load into your cunt. You screamed at the feeling of your cum squirting out of you as his cum squirted into you. You were so dizzy and so full. You were happy. You were safe and taken care of and filled to the brim by the man you loved most.

 “Hey.” You saw Zeke’s stunningly handsome face look down at you. His cheeks were flushed, forehead sweaty, sculpted chest heaving. But his eyes were transfixed on you with a look so filled with love and passion it made you feel like you were floating. “How you holding up, princess?” That was a new name…not that you minded. “Didn’t go too rough did I?” He panted in between his gentle words, the main drawback of giving it your all.

 “Actually.” You huffed a bit, just then realizing how difficult it was to talk, or move, or breathe. “Think you coulda’ gone harder.” He chuckled, the same look of complete infatuation lingering in his oceanic eyes.

 “Yeah?”

 “Yeah.”

 “You sure?”

 “I’m tougher than you’d think, old man.” He laughed at you, appreciating how you could still be the sweetest little thing he’d ever met after being pounded half to death.

 “Alright, I’m not even thirty, you little minx.”

 “Calling me a minx isn’t helping your case, Zeke.” His eyes lit up with recognition.

 “First time you’ve called me that, angel.” He smiled like an idiot in love, because he was one.

 “Maybe it’ll be the last, if you keep acting like such an animal around me.” You slapped his shoulder with as much strength as you could muster, which was basically none.

 “Well, if you don’t like the rough treatment, how about I treat you like the perfect angel you are? Treat you to a nice, warm shower and a cuddle session with yours truly. How about that?” He gently rubbed your cheek, taking in how wonderful your afterglow was.

 “Sounds nice.”

 “Alright, let’s go, angel.”

 “Okay, Mr. Yeager.” You giggled at how quickly his face darkened and lips tightened into a frown.

 “Ever the tease, you are.” He carried you to his shower bridal style, no doubt a sign of things to come.

[wicked-mind]

Betrayed: Chapter Three

Summary: Everybody thought Steve’s sister had passed away decades ago. But when you show up at the facility and try to attack Bucky, there are questions to be answered.

Word count: 5.2k

Warning: A bit of violence, talk of kidnapping and torture, talk of surgery, a hint of PTSD

Series Masterlist

All Writings Masterlist

NOTE: I would like to thank everybody for your support. As I previously said, this is the first time posting any sort of creative writing on any platform. As a thank you, I'll be releasing two chapters today (3/19/21). Again, any feedback is appreciated. Enjoy (:

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CHAPTER THREE- The Truth

It had been about 6 months since Y/N arrived at at the facility. She liked it here. She was able to get to know who her brother was now, hearing about his stories. He was careful to try and leave Bucky out of it as much as possible, but sometimes he would come up. The more Steve talked about Bucky, the less Y/N would flinch at his name. It’s like Steve was replacing that bad memory of him taking her with new ones about how Bucky had redeemed himself, sacrificing everything to help protect the universe from Thanos.

“I always imagined you like this, Steve.” Y/N had said to him one day, gesturing at him as she listened to his stories, “Even though you were five foot, four inches and weighed nothing, I always knew this was the real you.” She smiled, at him, to which Steve laughed and replied, “I’m glad someone saw passed my height.”

Y/N trained with Clint and Wanda. Although Y/N and Clint had a bit of a rough start with the arrow thing as well as calling her a vampire, they became friends quickly. Joking at one another often, especially during training. He had nicknamed her ‘Little Vampire’. Her abilities began to hone in, and she hadn’t had an outburst of violence since the night she arrived. Besides her brother, Wanda was the person Y/N was closest with. They even shared a bedroom now, and others in the neighboring bedrooms often heard laughing throughout the night coming from the bedroom. They did almost everything together. Train, eat, watch movies, occasionally go shopping. Wanda even taught Y/N how to drive, testing out the fast cars on the long stretch of road leading to the facility.

There was still one problem though. Bucky. Y/N couldn’t be in the same room as Bucky, which everybody noticed. For the first few months, when Bucky entered a room that Y/N was in or vice versa, the room would get quiet. It was like there was a stare down between the two. Y/N would tense up, her red eyes locking on Bucky. Out of respect and guilt, Bucky always left the room, even if he was there first. He caused her enough pain for a lifetime, he didn’t want to be a constant reminder of the worst time of her life. He owed her that much. At least he could hear her laugh with Wanda. Sometimes he would stay awake at night, either laying in his bed or standing outside her door and listening to her laugh. He missed Y/N’s laugh so much. He used to hear it almost everyday growing up, watching her smile. Her joy was always infections to others, especially him. He often wondered when the last time she laughed was. He was sure she didn’t laugh until she came here and met Wanda. The first time he heard her laugh while Y/N has been here, he smiled, standing around a corner as he listened to Wanda and Y/N watch the cheesy Captain America movie. Bucky wished more than anything he could join in the laughter. He wanted to feel the warmth that Y/N always brought him, but knew he wasn’t what she needed or wanted right now.

After about 4 months, they were able to be in the same room. Bucky had been sitting at the kitchen bar, talking to Steve about how he could fix things and help Y/N. When speak of the devil, she walked in alone. Usually her and Wanda were always together, but this time she was alone. She paused when she entered, staring at Bucky who was looking back to her. She then moved to the fridge, grabbing out some grape juice. Her favorite. Wanda made sure it was on the list every week just for her, and if she forgot to put it on the list, Bucky would scribble it down. She grabbed a glass out of a cupboard. She was facing Bucky, but not looking at him. She was focused on her task of getting juice. As she poured, her eyes flicker to meet his gaze. She quickly looked back down until her glass was full. She put the grape juice back in its spot in the fridge, picking up her glass. Her eyes flickered between Steve and Bucky. She gave a soft smile but it faded quickly as she left back the way she came, returning to her room.

Once Steve was sure she was out of earshot, he turned to Bucky, raising his eyebrows, “Progress.” He said with a smile. It was nothing compared to how much Bucky was grinning. This was the first time he had been able to get her to actually look at him, not stare him down or glare like he was her enemy. She even smiled a little bit, probably at Steve, but Bucky was taking it as a win. For the first time in the last four months, he felt hope in being able to be Y/N’s friend again. But he wouldn’t push it, he would wait for her.

Two months later, present time, it was time to answer the hard questions. Steve sat down on his sister’s bed beside her. Wanda had some idea of what happened, as Y/N talked about the trauma to her most. That and the fact Wanda could see inside her head, but only ever did it with Y/N’s permission.

“Y/N, tell us everything you remember.” Steve said, looking at his sister. He needed to know what was done to her, where, and if there were any remaining Hydra agents. He needed to know if there were anymore enhanced humans Hydra could have made.

Y/N looked at her brother, then to Wanda, then to the floor letting out a sigh. She had been dreading. She put her face in her hands, then slowly ran them up through her blonde hair. She hated talking about it, but knew Steve had given her enough time to process her new home.

“Bucky sent me a letter, saying he was coming home from deployment. He set up a date and where to meet. I was so excited to keep our promise.” Y/N swallowed hard, “When we met, he greeted me. He smiled, but there was no emotion in his eyes. I figured it was from the war, you know, needing to adjust. I was just happy he was safe. We talked for a moment, before walking down the street. It was dark, the street lamps were out which I thought was odd. Then suddenly, he grabbed me, pulling me into the trunk of a car. I was in that trunk for what felt like days,” She paused, pushing past the pain it was causing her, “Then, we were outside this bunker. It was snowing, cold. I didn’t know where we were. He took my hood off, holding my arm as he lead me through the doors. I was watched by all these men, wearing a red octopus with a skull on their uniforms. He handed me to them, practically throwing me into their grasp. I looked back at him, pleading for help. He ignored me and followed as the men took me to this medical chamber and strapped me down on a cold table. I could see the medical instruments on a tray. They had these syringes filled with red liquid. I screamed for Bucky to help me, for anybody to help me. Nobody did.. They gagged me and began. I couldn’t tell you what they did, I closed my eyes until I passed out from pain, after seeing Bucky leave the room. I do remember though before I passed out, up in the gallery that overlooked the room, red eyes staring at me.” Y/N said softly, looking at Steve.

“The rest of it is a little blurry. I think I’ve blocked it out of my mind after I was made into this, knowing I wouldn’t want to remember. Then, after a few years, something happened. I remember I was called back to that bunker. There were two others with red eyes. They put us in these steel coffin type things.” Y/N paused, before chuckling a little bit which shocked Steve, “Don’t tell Clint that, it’ll just make the vampire thing a little too real for him.” She joked for a moment, but not hearing any laughter she sighed and continued, “They put us to sleep. When I woke up, seven months ago, it took days of punching that steel coffin until I was able to get it open.” She traced the silver scars on her knuckles, remembering blood, although there wasn’t much pain, “But that wasn’t the end of the it. Wherever they put me, I was buried. I had to claw my way through dirt, grass, and two feet of snow until I saw grey skies. It was snowing. I fled to the nearest city, hiding in an abandoned building. I could feel something in my brain, trying to tell me to go back and sleep. I itched at the spot until I could feel my skull and stole a drill from a nearby family. I drilled out the spot of my skull, then pried the chip out with my fingers. I left it in that building.” Y/N was now staring at the wall as she spoke, her face emotionless. She knew Wanda was watching her memories vividly, wincing as she watched the process of taking the chip out, “It didn’t take long after that for me to see your face everywhere, and the face of the Avengers. I had to find you and I did. You know the rest from there.”

It was silent in the room for a minute. Steve was holding back some tears hearing about his sister’s torture with Hydra, not wanting her to see. Wanda had the saddest look on her face, feeling like she was there herself through Y/N’s memories. Steve broke the silence, “Thank you for telling me,” He said, putting a hand on his sister’s back. He didn’t want to make her relive this, but he got the information him and the team needed. There were more of these red-eyes buried somewhere, just waiting to escape.

What they didn’t know, is Bucky was outside the door, listening to every word Y/N said. He felt nauseous hearing her stories. The sweet woman he knew.. She had been taken and forced into this traumatic life. Taken by his own hand. A tear ran down his cheek which he quickly wiped away. When she was done talking, he stood up and went back to his own room before they could catch him eavesdropping. He felt full of rage at Hydra but more importantly at himself. No wonder she tried to kill him. Half of him wishes she did, he deserved it and maybe it would’ve brought her more peace. But the other half of him was glad she did save him, wanting to prove himself to her that he wasn’t that person and that he was the same Bucky Y/N remembered from watching their sunrise.

After Steve had shared the information for the team, they decided to mobilize and search out this base. It would be at most a week they were gone. Everybody was going, besides Y/N, Bucky, and Clint who had promised his family not to go into any more dangerous missions unless absolutely necessary. Y/N pleaded with Steve not to go, or at least leave Wanda behind with her. But Steve had told his sister they needed to go, make sure everything was safe, and Wanda needed to go as well as she had seen the bunker and its layout in her head. Reluctantly, Y/N agreed.

Two days into the longest week of her life since she had been back, Y/N sat on her bed, missing her friends and her brother. She had skipped training with Clint, mostly staying in her room and listening to music Wanda had showed her. It made her happy listening to music. Sometimes Wanda and Y/N would blast the music in their room, dancing together and laughing. They were some of her happiest moments since she’s been at the facility.

On the third night, Y/N went out into the kitchen to have herself some leftover soup. She waited as it heated in the microwave, freezing when she heard another person enter the room. She slowly turned, only to lock eyes with blue eyes she had hated for so long. Bucky stopped and looked at her, before speaking softly to break the silence, “Sorry.. I’ll come back later.” He said, turning to leave, breaking their eye contact. Then a miracle happened.

“It’s fine, I’m almost done..” Y/N said softly, turning back to watch the timer on the microwave. Bucky stood there staring at her. This is the first thing she had said to him since she healed the bite on his neck. His heart leaped in his chest, hearing her acknowledge him. It was just adding to the hope that one day they could be back to friends again. Her voice was like soft music to his ears, so sweet. He didn’t approach her, just took a seat. He didn’t want to get too close to her and make her uncomfortable and take back this progress of her speaking to him. He thought of her like a scared animal. If he moved the progress too fast then she would run. He watched as she grabbed the bowl from the microwave, a spoon, and a napkin. Then Y/N retreated back to her room, not saying another word. She shut the door behind her.

Bucky smiled to himself, “Progress.” He said softly, making himself a sandwich and heading back to his room. He felt accomplished. She had actually spoken to him, directly to him. Alone. She didn’t run, or attack him. Bucky viewed this as a big step towards reaching his goal of having Y/N trust him again.

In the early morning hours, Y/N had a nightmare. A bad one. She was seeing the faces of those she hurt, those she killed. Then it changed to her punching herself out of that metal coffin, screaming to be free, digging through the rough earth trying to find air. She tossed and turned, sweating, before letting out a scream. The scream woke Clint and Bucky up, who now stood outside her door in the hallway looking at each other as they heard her whimpering and screaming from the other side.

“Okay, you go in.” Clint said, looking at Bucky.

Bucky looked at Clint in disbelief, “Are you kidding? She hates me. Well, I think we are one level down from hate because she talked to me, but still. At least she likes you, you go in.” He countered

Clint shook his head, “Nope. Nu-uh. After hearing about the coffin thing, I’m still not convinced she isn’t a vampire.” He whispered softly, “Vampire beats human every time. You got the superhuman stuff, if she bites you at least we know what happens. If she bites me, I may die quicker than she’s willing to give me her blood.” He said, “Plus you're stronger and she scares me a little.”

Bucky opened his mouth to argue, but was silenced by another muffled scream. He glared at Clint before opening the door. If this took back the new progress he had just made with Y/N, he wouldn’t know what to do. He peeked in her room, seeing Y/N laying on the bed, clutching her pillow so hard that it starting spitting feathers out of the seams. It pained him to see her like this. He could see tears down her visible cheek, the pain on her face.

“Y/N?” He asked softly, not wanting to touch her yet, just wanting to wake her gently. It didn’t work though, she didn’t wake. Bucky slowly moved to the side of her bed, sitting at the edge next to her. He slowly reached his hand out to touch her and paused, wondering if he should. But then he heard Y/N whimper again, letting out a half sob half scream. His instincts took over and he grabbed her quickly, pulling her into his chest and holding her tight. She gripped onto his shirt, her nails ripping through and digging into his chest. Bucky winced, but it was worth it to hold her, trying to calm her, “I got you, Y/N. You’re safe… It’s all over, I got you.” He whispered towards her ear, noting the scar behind her left ear. He knew exactly what it was from. The sobbing stopped, as did the screaming. He looked down at her face to see the red eyes staring at him. He paused, wondering what was going to happen. Would she attack him? Push him away? He wouldn’t blame her for either of those options. He just wanted to be there for Y/N, let her know she was safe.

Y/N stayed silent for quite a while, just staring at Bucky’s eyes. The way he looked at her was familiar. His eyes weren’t emotionless. She saw his sadness, worry, guilt.

“Bucky..” She whispered finally, breaking the silence.

Bucky’s heart melted, listening to her say his name without rage in her voice. She said his name like she did before he left for deployment, but with a little more sadness in her voice. Then she curled into him more, which made his heart melt again. He willingly pulled her closer, “I got you, Doll,” He said as he ran his hand through her hair, “You’re safe. You never have to do those things again.” He knew exactly what she was dreaming about when it came to the faces. He had the same nightmares for a long time, unable to sleep for months because of it. He held her until she was asleep, gently placing her back into bed and pulling the covers over her body. He sat on Wanda’s bed, watching her all night. Every couple hours, Y/N would wake up and look over at him as if to make sure Bucky was still there, before going back to sleep, pressing her face into her pillow.

In the morning, Clint called Bucky into the briefing room to get an update from the rest of the team. They had to break down the steel doors to the bunker to get in, but didn’t find any evidence of any survivors or the remaining red-eyes. They were going to search the area a little more before heading back home. They also wanted to try and find the chip that Y/N had clawed out of her brain seven months ago to try and see if they could get any information off that.

As the sun hit her face, Y/N’s eyes opened slowly, looking around the room. She was alone. She started to wonder if it was all just a dream that Bucky was there, holding her, keeping an eye on her. It had felt too real to be a dream. She sat up slowly, noticing the feathers on her sheets. Definitely not a dream, she concluded. She dragged herself out of bed and made her way to the bathroom to shower.

Y/N stood still as the warm water hit her back. Her mind racing a million miles per hour as she thought about last night with Bucky. He came in to help her, and she accepted it. She shook her head, bringing her hands to her face. She couldn’t believe she did that. She let him in, giving him a chance. Her traumatic time with Hydra had made her hate him. But Y/N knew that somewhere, inside herself, she knew the truth that he was still the Bucky she remembered. She didn’t want to trust him, to let him in. It was easier if she didn’t because then he couldn’t betray her trust again. She sunk to the floor of the shower, pushing her back against the tile wall, and cried.

After about a half hour of crying in the shower, she finished washing her hair and herself and finally stepped out, wrapping the towel around herself. She stared at herself in the mirror as she ran the brush through her hair. Looking around the bathroom, she cursed under her breath as she realized she forgot a change of clothes. She would have to scurry back to her room with the towel wrapped around her.

She opened the door and started to walk back to her room, but stopped as she saw Bucky at the end of the hallway, looking at her with those damn blue eyes. Y/N looked down, turning and disappearing into her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

Bucky stood there, he had looked her over as she stood frozen for a moment. Noting all the small silver scars across her pale body that he could see. She had many on her shoulders and legs. Some of them looked like scars of bites, like someone had bit her over and over again. They were along her shoulders also ran up her legs until they disappeared under the towel secured around her body. It made him sad to see her like that. He remembered she only had a few scars when they were younger, from dumb instances like falling off a bike or falling when she ran to keep up with him. But now, she was covered in scars. He sighed as she left without a sound to him, wondering if the progress they had made disappeared.

The next few days, Y/N stayed in her room, only coming out to train with Clint and get food. The rest of the time she sat on her bed, reading or listening to music. The team were supposed to be back tomorrow and Y/N couldn’t wait to see Wanda and her brother. It felt like she hadn’t seen them in months. She had gotten so used to them being around all the time that she didn’t know she would miss them this much when they were gone on a mission. There weren’t many phone calls, just quick check-ins with Clint.

She finally pulled herself out of bed, throwing on some black leggings and a dark blue shirt. She brushed her hair and teeth in the bathroom, before making her way to the kitchen. She grabbed herself a bowl of cereal and moved to the living room, turning on the tv to watch some dumb reality show that filled the silence around her. She noticed Bucky and Clint walk into the kitchen, they must’ve been training. They were both discussing who won their sparring as they grabbed water bottles out of the fridge.

“I see you...”

The sound made Y/N jump. It sounded like it was right in her ear. She looked around, looked behind her to see Bucky and Clint still talking. She put her bowl on the coffee table, turning off the tv. She stood, looking around slowly, her forehead wrinkles in frustration and focus as she tried to figure out where the voice came from. She wondered around, looking down hallways.

“Y/N...”

The voice came again, singing her name in a soft whisper. Y/N jumped and turned, but nobody was there. She didn’t even notice Bucky and Clint were now watching her, confused by her movements.

The voice softly started humming, the sound felt like someone was right in her ears.

“Little Vampy, you okay?” Clint called from the kitchen, his brow furrowed as he watched what was unfolding. Both Clint and Bucky had started moving towards her.

“Little Vampy, huh?” The voice came again, whispering right in her ear. It was deep, a male’s voice. It almost sounded like it was teasing her, “Idiot.” It chuckled and resumed humming.

Y/N turned quickly again at the whisper only to find nobody standing there, her eyes confused but also panicked. She listened to the humming, slowly walking passed Bucky and Clint. She pushed passed Bucky, her arm brushing against his but she didn’t seem to notice. She stopped at a window, staring out it as the humming continued.

“Y/N.” Bucky said, breaking the silence, curious and concerned of what was going on with her. It was like she was almost in a trance.

Y/N silently looked out the window for a moment, the voice that was humming slowly disappearing. She turned and looked at Bucky, her red eyes panicked, “Somethings here..” She said softly, almost a whisper.

Bucky and Clint immediately went on the defense, pulling up motion trackers of the facility but finding nothing except themselves. They searched the whole facility, every nook and cranny, but found nothing. Y/N hid in her room, the curtains shut. The humming had gone away, and she was left with her own thoughts. She sat silently in the room, curled up in one of the corners behind a chair. It was like she was hiding from whatever she was hearing even though it was now gone.

Bucky and Clint entered her room, confused seeing nothing at first which made them panic a little. Bucky scanned the room, tense. Where had she gone? Was she taken? He shouldn’t have left her alone.. But then he saw the red eyes peer out from behind the chair at him and gave a sigh of relief.

“We couldn’t find anything, Y/N.” Clint said, folding his arms, “Why would you think something is here?” He questioned, confused on why him and Bucky just went on an empty scavenger hunt.

Y/N’s eyes flickered from Bucky to Clint as he spoke, not leaving the safety of the corner on the floor, “I heard him. He’s here.. somewhere.”

“Heard him? Heard who?” Bucky asks, moving to sit on the edge of Y/N’s bed, trying to make her more comfortable by letting her know he was here for her.

“I don’t know who.” She said, staring Bucky in the eyes, “It was familiar, his voice. He said my name, was listening to your conversation in the kitchen. He knew where we were and what we were doing. He was right in my ears…” Y/N moved her hands back to grip the sides of her head, “Whispering…” She mutters, then looked up at Clint, “He called you an idiot.”

“Well, I already don’t like him.” He said, folding his arms, “We will keep an eye on the motion sensors, do checks of the facility throughout the day just to be sure. I’ll send an update to the rest of the team. They should be back soon with the chip.” Clint informed, leaving the room promptly.

Bucky stayed in the room, sitting there silently. He wanted to ask Y/N if there was anything she needed, but he was cautious. He didn’t want to get too close. He didn’t want to push Y/N. They sat there in silence for what felt like hours, but was really only one. Y/N picked herself up off the floor, looking at Bucky, then looking around the room as if to make sure it was safe. She could feel Bucky’s eyes on her, watching her closely to try and get a read on how she was doing.

“I’m fine, Bucky..” Y/N finally said, her eyes eyes locking with his, before exiting her own bedroom. She went back to grab her bowl of now soggy cereal from the coffee table. She took it to the sink, pouring it down the drain and turning the disposal on for a moment to shred the cereal. She washed her bowl and spoon, then set them on a towel to dry. Y/N placed her hands on the edge of the counter, staring at the granite. What was she hearing inside her head? Who was it and why did it sound so familiar? She had clawed that chip out of her brain over half a year ago, she shouldn’t be hearing the voices. She wondered if she was slowly going insane, if it was the voices of those she killed catching up to her.

“Y/N,” It was Bucky’s voice behind her, but she didn’t move from where she stood, still staring at the granite, “I know you would prefer to talk to Wanda or Steve…. but you can talk to me while they’re not here…” He said softly, wanting to understand what was going on in her head. He wanted to help her.

“I feel like I’m going insane…” Y/N said, eyes still studying the granite as she kept her back to him, “Or being haunted. I feel like my mind isn’t safe.”

Bucky nodded slowly, “It’s the guilt, Y/N. You were forced to do terrible things to people. It wasn’t you. You’d never do that.” He said, moving closer to her.

Y/N shook her head, scoffing at his words, “I would do that. I bit you. I threw Steve. I am capable of violence, I was trained for it.” Her hands gripped the edge of the counter harder, it was starting to crack under her strength. Pieces of fractured granite pierced into her palms, causing droplets of her blood to run down the cupboards to the floor.

Bucky quickly moved when he heard the splintering granite and seeing the blood, pulling Y/N away from the counter, forcing her to look him in the face as his arms held hers, “Y/N. You were trained, yes. You did awful things, yes. But it wasn’t you. You are Y/N Rogers. The girl who loves dancing, adores sunflowers, and hates coffee.” He reminded, “You are letting yourself feel the guilt for something you had no control over. You wouldn’t have done those things if you had a choice. You need to take all that sadness, frustration, and guilt and let it go.” He urged. He knew what she was going through. He dealt with the emotions for a long time, his ghosts haunting him ruthlessly. But he had come to accept the things he couldn’t change, and work to make up for his mistakes everyday.

Y/N stared at him, allowing him to hold her arms, listening to his words. He was the only one who knew what it was like to do the things she had done without having control of yourself. She finally spoke, sadness in her eyes, “I may still love the same things, but I don’t feel like the same person.” She told him, moving away from his grasp and retreating back to her bedroom.

Bucky cleaned up the blood and the splinters of granite on the floor for her after she was gone. He was hoping she would think about his words, accepting them eventually. She couldn’t keep torturing herself and needed to come to terms with what happened to her. She needed to accept and move on into a better life like he had. He had faith she could do it.

TAGLIST: @vicmc624 @the-ayo-lit @daddysfavoritesexkitten @springsoulofengland @tcc-gizmachine @taina-eny @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable

If I left out anybody on the taglist, I’m sorry. Just send me a quick reminder and I’ll add you right away (:

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

April 2021 Part 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Second Chance Ep 1 - living up to its name since it looks to be a series of redemption arcs. Launched with a college confession and a broken friendship, then a flash back to them as seniors in high school. Pairings include friends to lovers, nerd/jock, and maybe cafe boss/employee. There’s a lot going on, but it’s still... quiet and sweet. The script is pretty pat but it’s still WAY more watchable than Cupid Coach or Brothers and most of the acting is solid. Ep 1 tropes included: he’s in engineering, wound tending, fast & bicurious. This could turn into what I wanted My Gear & Your Gown to be. Fingers crossed. 

Love Poison 2 Ep 1 & 2 turns out I did watch and report on season 1 (8 eps), season 2 seems equally unmemorable. Thai countryside setting, strong dialect, incomprehensible plot, camp side characters, and ghastly singing. 

Y-Destiny Ep 1 (eng subs?) - opened with the sports romance enemies to lovers (they aren’t going in the teaser order). When the couple got over fighting, the flirting was v cute, but the flipping SPONGE BATH trope had to rear its ugly head. Still, this series is shaping up to be less coy and more frank than most BL, better than expected. It feels, I don’t know, gay-er or something?  *** Sources were correct that each couple is getting (at least) 2 eps, and MDL has been updated to say this is a 15 episode series (not 7). 

Cupid Coach 12 fin - The new Nite was great and should have been a main all along. It felt like we got a tiny nugget of what could have been in about 10 minutes worth of this last ep. It was way too slow with terrible editing and a criminally bad script, but at least it ended happy. Mostly, like Friend Forever, I’m just disappointed that these two actors were done dirty by the series. Bad Cupid Coach, no screen caps for you. 

Lovely Writer Ep 6 - breaking news, there’s a het couple I like: toppy bi femme + soft boi = such a good pairing! I know, but this NEVER happens. Meanwhile, Sib’s secret is out, Gene is a bit of a drama queen, and the plot thickens. We half way through.  

Brothers Ep 9 - Kaow had a serious moment of advice giving that was truly lovely. Lots of family dama made this a superior episode to... well... any of the others in this series. Which isn’t saying much. 

1000 Stars Ep 10 fin - at the start this series didn’t grab me the way GMMTV’s last BL, Tonhon Chonlatee, did. But boy did it end 1000x better. Might have given us 2021′s best forehead kiss. I enjoyed the ultra romantic cliff-top reunion kiss, and I LOVED the stinger flirting scene. That was an absolute gift we had no right to expect. This drama is a poster child for finishing on a high note (always focus on that dessert course). Final thoughts? This was FAR more a classic romance than it was BL. There were some BL tropes used but not many and most of them originated in the romance genre not yaoi. A picture perfect ending bumped 1000 Stars much higher up my best-of list than expected. Not sure how often I’ll rewatch it as a whole, but this last episode? I’m probably rewatching it right now. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 3 fin - I guess that’s it? Okaaaaay  

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 3 (AKA Ep 5-6) - we got actual legit gay culture not just BL (always appreciated) from XingSi. I’m starting to find LiCheng’s “show them we fucking” hijinks hilarious rather than annoying (not sure why, maybe I just love a rubber chicken, or maybe it was the STUFFED CORN WITH THE TASSEL that did it). 

-- H4 Moment of RANT --

Tropes included beach trip, there’s only one bed, cook for him, baby is a floppy drunk, carry baby to bed, and.... drunk non-con. Whoopdedoo. Here we go again. Did TharnType teach us NOTHING? (Apparently it taught us if the chemistry is good enough, I have no morals at all.) At least H4 seems to be taking us out of cheese into serious when it comes to assault. Or is it? 

I take back what I said last week about XingSi & YongJie being codependency + salvation trope, that only works if YongJie is the uke. He’s NOT. So we got us an obsessive predatory villain with a possible redemption arc. That’s more common in crime dramas, mafia romance, and epic fantasy than BL. It’s real hard to redeem a sexual predator in a reality-grounded universe like contemporary romance (See Kla in LBC1&2). 

Next week is gonna be a test of the whole damn franchise. Imma remind both me a you that this was ep 3 of 10 so we got a ways to go yet... but ooof, what have we wrought, BL? (I ended up doing a whole post about the stepbrother trope because of this sub plot.) Taiwan is killing me.

-- RANT ended --

Word of Honor (China) Ep 19-21 - over half way point so we got ALL the back story (in a classic 4 act story structure midway reveal). Now we know who WKX really is and his lineage. We also got some cute hugs and hand holds. Moving along at a nice clip despite being 36 eps total. Still gayest thing to come out of we-not-gay China since Advance Bravely. 

Most Peaceful Place (Vietnam) Ep 2 - takes them a while to get eng subs together and ep 2 didn’t drop until late. So I’m putting this in a Thurs time slot going forward. Miscommunication already cleared up and a 2nd couple has been introduced. The pacing on these Vietnamese BLs is always a bit... off. But it’s still better than most of its ilk, enjoyable. I’m thinking it’s a 6 ep arc. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 5 - after the initial drama DRAMA of ep 2, the current external crisis at work is much quieter, giving this whole season a top heavy feel. Taken along side the first season, I think it’s fitting nicely into a 4 act structure, but that might be my bias. I hope I’m not wrong, we’ll find out next week. Shi De puttering about being domestic with Shu Yi on his back was the best execution of the piggyback trope EVER. Meanwhile, our little D/s side couple of codependency, salvation trope + mental illness is becoming weirdly appealing. I don’t know. H4 done mess with my head. 

Stand Alones 

Absolute BL AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko  (Japan) Ep 1-4 mini series. Found subs under A Man Who Defies The World of BL. IT’S HILARIOUS. It’s Japan making fun of us, but also itself for having started this whole BL nonsense - from yaoi roots to present day. It’s parody goddamn gold. Utterly cheeky unto the very last line. We are not worthy. 

Apparently the most powerful tropes of all time are: baby is a floppy drunk and the piggyback fo nobility. Oh and chocolate. {Full review here.} 

Honestly, this show may have been made with only @heretherebedork and I in mind. I don’t know if you’d even understand half of it if you don’t have a history with the manga source genre and an obsessive interest in underlying narrative devices. I haven’t seen much chatter in the blog’o’sphere on this one because, in the end, it’s not a romance at all, it’s social commentary. 

The ending line was a masterclass in lampooning a genre. I’m going to rewatch the whole thing just to catch all the digs I missed first time around. It is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. 

Thank you Japan. I forgive you all your hair-styling sins of the last decade. 

Breaking News 

Spring Line Up:

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) April 15th 

Close Friend the series (Thai trailer) April 22. 

2gether the movie (Thai trailer) April 22 to Thai theaters.

Nitiman (Thai) May 7 on One31.

I Told Sunset About You 2 (Thai) May 27 on LineTV

Ossan’s Love (Hong Kong) June to Viu 

Gossip 

Bad Buddies released its first promo op via Arm Share, which means GMMTV is at least *thinking* about filming it. 

Fun behind the scenes gossip sesh with eng subs for Tell the World I Love You (that Perth Bas movie we are maybe getting someday but will likely be sad). 

New Thai BL Bite Me (adapted from novel Grab a Bite) dropped a teaser. It stars Mark Siwat (Kla in LBC) as uke character Ake, a delivery boy with special foodie powers, and chef Eua (seme played by Zung Kidakorn) who discovers him. It’s from the same author as Manner of Death so we might even get some actual plot. Since it’s an established BL actor who I happen LOVE, a known author, and a plot about FOOD, I could not me more excited for this one. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons. Some are dropping multiples at a time but just started so I’m not sure on numbering. 

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

[thegirlwhorunswithwinchesters]

Bathe in Sin

Summary: A stubborn Sam leaves the bunker and Lacey goes with him. After days of trying to get through to him, she decides on a different approach to help him blow off steam. 

Created for: @cockslut-padalecki​‘s Decade Under the Influence Challenge

Prompt: “Dressed to kill, you look so right. I am drunk with lust tonight. Your wounds are opening wide, and they might be just my size” - Side Walk When She Walks by Alexisonfire

Pairing: Sam x OC

Warnings: 18+ PLUS ONLY!! Angst, unprotected sex, rough, my unstoppable obsession with how large Sam is shining through here and there

Word count: 2.9K

A/N: This is my first time posting an explicit smut fic. I tried to do the lyrics and the vibes of the song justice. Let me know what you think! Feedback is the best fuel for every writer <3

Beta: @princessmisery666​

|| JJ’s Masterlist ||

(gif)

It was the first night in their third motel since leaving the bunker. Lacey wasn’t sure if Sam was looking for a hunt, or maybe he didn’t want Dean to find them. She doubted Dean would be looking for them. Neither brother was going to concede anytime soon. 

Knuckleheads.

Lacey could smack herself for not having realized sooner how serious their falling out was. She wondered, if she had only stepped in a little bit earlier, things wouldn’t be the way they were now. They would have been home, where they belonged. She would be sitting around the table with the two brothers, rolling her eyes at one of Dean’s stupid jokes while Sam looked at her with that peaceful smile he only got when it was just them. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t understand why Sam was upset. Dean had lied to him. Again. He said he did it to protect his little brother. Again. Sam got angry with Dean. Also, not new. But this time he had packed a bag and bolted out the door. Lacey had barely had any time to grab her own duffle and follow him.

It hadn’t been her choice to leave home, but if it meant she at least got to be with Sam while he figured this out, she would bite her tongue and get through it with him. The problem wasn’t that she didn’t support Sam. She would die for him without a second thought. The problem with this situation was that it was a waste of time. Lacey knew the brothers would come to their senses and make up eventually anyway. She just wished she knew when so she didn’t have to wonder when she’d sleep in her own comfortable bed again, or get to use a shower of which the water stayed warm for longer than three minutes.

Sam was stubborn. Lacey had figured that out soon enough when she got to know him. Despite that, she fell in love with the man. Maybe even a little bit because of it. She knew he could handle all this. He just needed some time.

She had brief text-exchanges with Dean to let him know they were all right, but the brothers hadn’t spoken since their argument. That was over two weeks ago.

Sam had been on edge from the moment he hightailed out of the bunker. Lacey tried to talk some sense into him multiple times. During the long car rides, Sam would turn the radio volume up to end the conversation. At night in bed, he would say he was tired and turn off the light. The few times she did manage to get him to say something, Sam would tell her Dean was the one she should be trying to talk to. In the texts from the older Winchester, she got the same response about Sam.

Lacey wanted to grab both brothers’ pride and stick it where the sun couldn’t reach. She was usually a pretty patient person, but when she saw the people she cared about hurting because of something so stupid, something they could fix so easily, she got frustrated.

One night, Lacey had pushed Sam a little too far and he snapped at her, telling her to get lost. She hadn’t even been able to turn around to leave before he was in front of her, grabbing her hand and looking at her with regret deep in his eyes. She’d stayed. And Sam apologized a dozen different times that night, in a dozen different ways.

Following that night, Sam seemed to have realized he had to be more careful who he directed his frustration toward. He wasn’t angry with Lacey, he was angry with Dean. And, Lacey knew, with himself, but that was a conversation he definitely wasn’t ready to have yet.

Day after day, Lacey was hyper-aware of how tense Sam was. She had exhausted most methods to get him to talk about it and face the problem. She had to come up with a new plan. Maybe what Sam needed was a distraction, a way to forget for a moment. Lacey knew just the thing to help him blow off steam.

Sam needed to get lost in something other than his frustration. She wanted him to get lost in her.

Lacey was still in the bathroom when Sam came back from his supply run that night. When she came out, he was putting away the last of the food in the small motel room fridge. Lacey walked into the room barefoot, wearing nothing but one of Sam’s large shirts over her underwear.

Upon hearing her approaching, Sam glanced over his shoulder. He frowned and looked at the clock on the wall, before looking back at Lacey. “You’re going to bed already?” he asked. “It’s only nine. I thought we could go into town, catch a movie.” 

Ever since he’d snapped at her, Sam had been trying to find ways to make being away from home more enjoyable for her. Lacey knew he felt guilty, and she appreciated the effort, but tonight she had other plans.

“I thought we’d stay in tonight,” she said. “There’s something we need to discuss.”

Sam took in a sharp breath before slowly closing the fridge and standing up straight. Though there was a few feet left between them, he was still towering over her. A disapproving look shone in his eyes.

“Lace, I told you, I don’t want to talk a-”

“It’s not about that,” she quickly cut him off. Lacey’s lips pulled into a conniving little smile. Her finger caught a lock of her hair and started twirling it. “I was just wondering…”

As her voice trailed off, Sam’s eyebrows raised. She could tell he was slowly catching on to her mood, and so she continued.

Her hands disappeared underneath the shirt she was wearing. “I was just wondering…” she said again as she swiftly pulled down the pair of panties that had been hidden by the shirt’s fabric. She bent forward to guide the piece of lingerie down her bare legs. “What you think of these.” When she righted again, it was dangling from her outstretched index finger. “I bought them new the other day.”

Sam took in the laced fabric. It had always been her favorite style of lingerie to wear, and his favorite to see on her. The irony wasn’t lost on either of them.

Lacey noticed Sam’s eyes had darkened to that familiar shade of lust. She rubbed the insides of her thighs together. Sam still hadn’t said anything, so she continued.

“It’s a matching set,” she innocently informed him as she let the panties drop on the floor. Sam’s eyes didn’t follow them down, they stayed right on her. They watched her pull the straps of her bra down her arms, and through the sleeves of his shirt. They took in the way she reached behind her back and unclasped the second piece of the set.

This time she didn’t hold it up for him to look at. She just gave the bra a quick tuck and let it fall from beneath the shirt, onto the floor at her feet.

A new form of tension hung in the air between them. Lacey let Sam evaluate the situation in silence for a moment. Let him look at her, standing in front of him, knowing she was fully naked underneath his shirt.

She averted her gaze, looked down at her bare feet and started drawing circles into the carpet. After listening to a few deep heavy breaths from Sam, Lacey glanced up at him through her lashes and asked, “Well? Do you like it?”

Sam tilted his head to one side, then the other, rolling his shoulders to loosen the muscles in his neck. His eyes moved down from her face to her chest. Lacey knew what he was looking at. Her nipples had gotten hard and were now prominently standing out through the fabric of the shirt. Sam’s fervid eyes took in the sight.

Then he finally moved closer to her. He crossed the distance between them in barely two strides. His hands found her hips and pulled her in. Lacey wrapped her arms around his neck and Sam dipped his head down.

“I think,” he hummed in his low voice, his lips brushing her ear, sending shivers down her back, “you look good in anything.” Bending his knees slightly, he easily lifted her up, guiding her legs around his waist. The shirt rode up her thighs, revealing her bare ass. When Sam hoisted her up a little higher, her cunt rubbed against the rough fabric of the waistband of his jeans. The friction caused a soft whimper to escape her lips.

The build-up had heightened all of Lacey’s senses. She could feel how wet she’d gotten solely from the way Sam had been eyeing her.

“However,” he continued as he started walking forward, “I think you look best trapped between me and the closest wall I can press your pert little ass up against.” As Sam finished his filthy thought out loud, Lacey was pressed tight between Sam’s hard chest and the motel room wall. He put his hands against it on either side of her head and leveled his forehead with hers to look into her eyes rather sternly. “You wanna play, huh?” he said, sounding askew.

Lacey nodded, looking deep into his eyes.

“Use your words,” he chastised her, his voice hard.

“Yes.” She licked her lips feverishly. “I want to play, Sam. Please?” Her hips bucked against his, desperately looking for more friction.

Sam smirked at her politeness. “How could I ever say no to that?” he mused. “Look at you, so eager for me.”

“Sam,” Lacey whined. She continued grinding against him. There was now an obvious bulge in his pants and she could feel it against her needy heath every time she moved.

She reached for his belt, but Sam was faster. He grabbed her wrists with one hand and effortlessly pinned them over her head against the wall. His other hand grabbed her chin firmly and tilted her head back to expose her neck.

His mouth was on her instantly, ravaging her skin, breath hot and teeth scraping. “I heard you last night when you were in the shower,” he grunted between bruising kisses. “You didn’t really think you could keep quiet for me, did you? I could make out those sweet noises of yours anywhere.” He pulled his hand from Lacey’s chin and it disappeared beneath the shirt of his she was still wearing. “Or maybe that’s exactly what you wanted.” His rough fingers found one of her hardened nipples and gave it a nasty pinch.

Lacey let out a sharp moan of surprise. It never failed to amaze her how well Sam knew her. It was true she hadn’t tried to hide her little play time in the shower the night before. She had wanted to give him something to think about. Something to stay on his mind throughout the entirety of the next day, to build up to this very moment. It pleased her to find out it had worked out exactly as planned.

“We better get you what you want,” Sam continued, his hand now brazenly groping her tits underneath his shirt. “You look like you’re about to break open,” she didn’t need to see him to know he was smirking, “and I haven’t even filled you up yet.”

Lacey didn’t doubt his words. She sure felt like it. Her heart was thumping in her chest and she had lost all control of her hips. They just kept bucking against Sam’s body, grinding to find some form of release for the desperate want inside of her.

When Sam let go of her wrists, she climbed a little higher up his impossibly large body to allow him to pull his pants and boxers down just far enough. His cock sprung free and Lacey could feel it probing her ass.

Sam’s hands were gentle yet resolute as he pushed Lacey away from his body. It gave him enough room to pull the shirt off her and reveal in all her beautiful, naked glory what she had been teasing to him during her little show from before.

Before the shirt had even landed on the floor, his hand was pulling his hard length up between their bodies. The tip left some of its precum on Lacey’s lower stomach. Sam didn’t miss a beat and wiped it off with his large thumb before moving his hand up to her face.

Lacey parted her lips without a second thought. In response, Sam’s smirk grew and his eyes darkened further. “Good girl,” he spoke huskily as she sucked his finger clean eagerly.

The salty taste subsided after seconds but Sam didn’t pull out his thumb and Lacey kept her plump lips around him. She never broke eye contact, looking at him with the same lust in her eyes that she saw mirrored in his.

He didn’t need any more verbal communication to know what she wanted, and she didn’t need to ask to know he was about to give it to her.

Their bodies moved in sync. Lacey moved her hips back and Sam positioned himself at her entrance. Her body jerked up when he slammed into her, easily filling her up all at once because of how wet she was. He let out a low breathy sound of approval when he watched her breasts bounce from the movement.

“This is what you want, isn’t it, baby?” he cooed in her ear when he leaned closer.

Lacey’s head was leaning back against the wall and all she could get out was a frustrated, “Yuh.” Her hands reached for Sam, blindly finding his long hair and tugging at it.

Sam’s low growl sent a shiver down to her core. Another tug and his teeth were scraping her neck again. One more and he was finally moving inside her.

She could feel him sliding in and out with ease, giving a few lazy thrusts before he started picking up the pace. She had to move her hands from his hair onto his shoulders to grab on tight when he really started pounding into her.

His movements were ruthless, stretching her open wide for him and no doubt leaving her bruised; just the way she liked it. The sounds falling from her lips spurred him on and he somehow began moving even faster.

Lacey wrapped her arms around Sam’s neck tightly, pulling her entire body against him. Her hands slid underneath the collar of his shirt, allowing her nails to dig into his shoulder blades. Sam let out a hiss at the stinging scratches she left behind. She could feel his wicked grin against the tender skin of her throat. He was still sucking, leaving it raw and sensitive.

She let him release all his frustrations, liberate his grievances. And she let him do it all with her. Every movement felt so right. They were both drunk on desire, grunting and panting while their bodies felt like they were on fire.

One of Sam’s hands sneaked its way between them and down Lacey’s front. His large fingers found her clit. He wasted no time starting to circle the bundle of nerves, sending a jolt of deliciously excruciating pleasure straight up to her core.

“Sam,” Lacey moaned into his shoulder, “Baby, I…”

“It’s okay,” he breathed. “Let go.” His hips snapped sharply.

Somewhere far in the back of her mind, Lacey was aware that that was exactly what she was supposed to be saying to him. Then Sam hoisted her up just a little higher and she lost all sense of thought when he hit her from a different angle. Even if she’d still been to her full senses, Lacey wouldn’t have been able to stop herself snapping from the pressure.

“Let go,” she heard Sam say again. Her hips bucked and her body shook as she came. With her walls squeezing around him, Sam’s body tightened against her. She could feel him emptying his load inside of her.

Her name and his praises fell off his lips in the same sloppy rhythm he kept thrusting into her, riding them both through their climax. Lacey’s lips found Sam’s and their deep kiss smothered their moans.

When they pulled apart, Sam caught his breath. He stepped back from the wall and carried Lacey through the room. He didn’t pull out of her until she was hovering over the bed. Then he gently placed her on the mattress. Lacey pulled the blanket over herself as she watched Sam pull his pants the rest of the way down. He took off the rest of his clothes before joining her.

“Feel better?” he asked, a lopsided grin on his beautiful face. The darkness in his eyes had gone but Lacey could still spot a hint of lust remaining.

She nodded, letting out a soft sigh. Then her eyebrows pulled into a slight frown when she thought of how that had hardly been the point of all this. “Yes, but-”

“Me too,” he interrupted her, as if he knew exactly what she was going to say. She realized he probably did.

His hand was on her knee, snaking up her thigh until it reached her core, feeling up the wreckage he’d left behind. “But I bet I can make you feel even better.” And with that same grin still on his lips, Sam fully disappeared under the covers.

Let me know if you want to be added to any of my taglists!

Team Game Face (Everything tags) @princessmisery666​ || @lyarr24​ || @mishkatelwarriorgoddess​

​Team Bitch Face (Sam tags) @samfreakingwinchester​

[sneezyminniejo]

hey! can i request a taehyung snz fic where he has a really sensitive nose and even the smallest things can set him off into a desperate rapid fit? one day the members bought some strongly scented candles without knowing that his nose was sensitive and they set him off into a massive fit, the members are his caretakers! i’d really appreciate it :)

Here it is, hope you enjoy

Bothersome Candles and Caretaking

The members of BTS have been together for years. Even though they’ve lived together for almost a decade, there were still some things they didn’t know about each other. One such thing is that Taehyung has a very sensitive nose.

Sure , the other members know that he’s one of the sneezier members in the group, but they didn’t know that strong scents or a simple brush of a feather could throw him into a fairly intense fit.

It just never came up with the other members. Jungkook made it very clear when he moved in that he hates strong scents and made it even more clear the one time Yoongi came back to the dorm smelling like a bonfire after hanging out with some friends. The maknae pretty much refused to be in the same room as the older until he showered, so the others agreed to avoid any strong scents to please their maknae and to keep peace in the dorm. Taehyung actually hadn’t been present for that incident because he was with some school mates working on a class project.

However, that was early on in trainee days. It was a wonder that there hadn’t even been a small incident to set Taehyung off, but there's a first time for everything.

The seven members of BTS were enjoying a day off after their manager took the keys to their studios to make sure they didn’t work. Taehyung decided to venture to the Han river to take some pictures, while the others decided to do some shopping. It was the middle of the week, so there weren’t many people around, allowing Taehyung to fully take in the surrounding nature.

Taehyung decided to turn around and head back to the dorm when his camera ran out of battery. He hummed happily to himself, excited to show the pictures to everyone else after he loaded them onto his computer.

When Taehyung first entered the dorm, he didn’t really notice anything. However, as soon as he closed the door, his nose was overcome with an intense prickle. He did his best to hold it back, but ultimately failed, as he doubled over with a very loud double.

“HEH-ISHH, HIH-STIESSH” Taehyung sniffled a bit confusedly as he tried to figure out where those sneezes came from.

Everyone else was seated in the living room watching tv when Taehyung had unintentionally made his presence known. “Bless you Tae.” Namjoon said as soon as he fully entered the room. “Tha-thanks, hyu- Hih-itschh hyung” Taehyung sat down next to Jungkook and tried to ignore the still present iitch in his sinuses, still not really knowing why he was suddenly so sneezy.

The other members looked at the second youngest with mild concern on their faces, but Taehyung ignored it. Before one of the others could speak, Taehyungg asked, “So how was your shopping trip?” Taehyung sniffled again before leaning over and grabbing some tissues from the box on the coffee table and blowing his nose.

Jimin was the one to answer Taehyung’s question first. “It went really well actually. Hyungs bought new clothes and found some new headphones and some other things. I bought a lego set to bui-” “Hih-tschhhh” Taehyung motioned for Jimin to continue as he blew his nose again.

“Anyway I found a lego set to build and Jungkookie found a couple of scented candles that he doesn’t find repulsive, so we bought him a couple of those.”

Taehyung’s felt the itch in his sinuses increase as Jimin and Jungkook told him all about the candle they had found. He was glad that Jungkook had found candles that didn’t bother his sensitive sense of smell, but unfortunately for Taehyung, he was extremely sensitive to the concentrated scents in the candle regardless of the scent.

His sensitivity was so bad that the candles didn’t necessarily even need to be lit, that is if there were enough of them. Jungkook then excitedly pulled the five he had purchased out of the shopping bag that was lying at his feet and gestured to the far corner of the room where one of the candles sat lit with a tine flame flickering ever so slightly.

Taehyung really didn’t want to disappoint Jungkook, so he decided to try to will his body to cooperate into not becoming a sneezy sniffly mess for as long as possible and not concern everybody too much. Unfortunately for Taehyung, his nose was not going to do what his brain wanted, and he wound up pitching forward in another double. This time the tickle had excalted so quickly that he hadn’t had time to cover.

Before he could lift his head up, Taehyung felt someone press tissues to his face. “Blow” He recognized Yoongi’s voice and immediately complied, although he took the tissues from his hyung first. He didn’t really want to blow his nose into his hyung’s hand if he could avoid it.

As soon as he lifted his head up, he was met with five pairs of concerned eyes and a hand on his forehead. “Tae-ah” Yoongi said softly, “Are you feeling okay? You don’t feel like you have a fever, but you are incredibly sneezy today even for you.”

Taehyung really didn’t feel like telling the truth about why he was so sneezy, so he just muttered something about how he must have caught a cold. The others nodded, but some of his hyungs looked like they didn’t fully believe him.

By the time Seokjin got up to make lunch, Taehyung's condition hadn't improved any. In fact, it might have deteriorated a bit. Jungkook however, was still really excited about his new scented candles.

He was so excited that, almost as if he were four, he shoved one of the unlit candles in Taehyung's face so he could smell it. Jungkook was so fast that Taehyung didn't have any time to decline or protest. The next thing Taehyung knows is he's taking in a whiff of concentrated artificial cherry blossoms. Taehyung, not wanting to sneeze all over his only dongsaeng, quickly pushed him hard to get him out of the way.

Jungkook was pushed off the couch and he landed hard on his buttocks. Namjoon was going to lecture Taehyung about his behavior, but what occurred next stunned everyone.

"Heh-ugh, ischh, heh-stishhh, heh-istiew, heh-istchhh, HIH-TIEW, HIH-NXTSHH, HEH-STISHHH, HEH-ISTIEW, HUH-UGHIEW!!” Taehyung’s ears and cheeks turned bright red as he held his hand over his dripping nose. Hoseok plucked several tissues from the box and handed them to Taehyung. Hoseok gave the younger a look as he cleaned himself up.

“Taehyung,” Hoseok was using his no nonsense voice when he was backing up Namjoon with various decisions. “Based on that display I don’t think you’re really sick, are you?” Taehyung shook his head as he sneezed another two times into the pile of tissues in his hand. He grabbed some more tissues and blew his nose rather productively, then started speaking.

“Hobi-hyung is right, I’m not sick. It’s the c-ca-candles itschhh.” Right after Taehyung said that, Jimin got up and blew out the lit candle that was on the opposite end of the room, while Jungkook immediately gathered up the candles in front of him and moved them to his room. Seokjin returned to the living room balancing a tray with seven bowls of soup and saw the guilty expressions on five of his dongsaengs. “What happened? He asked as he handed out the bowls.

“Taehyung here apparently neglected to tell us that he’s allergic to scented candles.” Yoongi said with slight annoyance laced in his voice. Seokjin just stared blankly for a moment. “How did we not know this? We’ve lived together for like a decade.” Taehyung sighed and sniffled before answering.

“It’s not so much an allergy as it is that my nose is extremely sensitive to scents and other things.” Taehyung paused to sneeze a quick double into his fist. “I have the same reaction to strong perfumes and laundry detergent. I’d also have a similar reaction if you tried to tickle my nose with a feather.” Jungkook returned a couple moments later, still looking extremely guilty.

“That still doesn’t explain why we never knew this Tae.” Taehyung grinned a little at the statement. “Well Jungkookie generally hates strong scents. Since we had collectively decided to only use scents that don’t bother him, it never came up, because the scents that didn’t bother him also didn’t bother me. At least not until now.”

Jungkook still looked a bit guilty and apologized to his hyung, who just assured him that he did nothing wrong as he didn’t know. The seven members ate in relative silence aside from the occasional sniffling or sneezing from Taehyung. Once they were all done eating, Taehyung stood up and moved to start collecting the dishes as it was his turn to clean them.

Namjoon placed his hand on the younger and gently pushed him back down. “Tae-ah, you are going to go straight to the couch and relax for the night.” Taehyung began to protest but was quickly interrupted by Yoongi.

“Tae, you may not be sick, but all of the sneezing you’ve done today must have exhausted you. I know that it’s your turn to do the dishes, but let hyungs take care of you so you can recover more easily.” Taehyung sighed and went to the living room, not having enough energy to fight Yoongi on this.

A little while after getting comfy on the couch, Hoseok came in with two mugs of hot cocoa and handed one to Taehyung. “Jungkook is setting up the humidifier in your room and Jimin is putting more pillows on your bed so you can sleep in more of an incline.” Taehyung hummed in acknowledgement before sipping at his beverage. “Namjoon is also pushing your vocal lessons and recording to the end of the week, so your voice can recover from all the scream sneezes you’ve been doing today.”

Taehyung couldn’t help but chuckle at the new bit of information. He settled further into his spot on the couch and waited for the others to arrive before starting a movie. Taehyung took a couple of pictures of the mugs of hot cocoa and the movie, then posted them to twitter with the caption ‘Movie night with hyungs and Jungkookie’. He then settled into whoever sat beside him and eventually drifted off with the movie playing in the background.

[vixey-chakraborty]

The One with the Heads Up & [Vixxen and F.R.I.E.N.D.S.]

In which Vixey, Drakken, Jun, Al, and Tiana celebrate Vixey’s 30th birthday...[takes place: September 8th]

@dr-drckken, @moon-yeongjun, @alzcomicbarn, @truitt-story

[tw -- none? insecurity lmfao]

VIXEY: "I just wanted to say thank you all," Vixey said to the table, where everyone was getting seated. Her mama was bringing over the main dish. Her brothers were already ready to tuck in. Her papa was still in the kitchen, fixing his wife a drink. And some of Vixey's best friends were seated around the table.

"For coming tonight. I've really appreciated all of you the last year and I am just--very grateful to all of you. Now, please, tuck in!" she instructed as she sat down herself.

"Can't believe I am a whole decade older," she chuckled.

JUN: Of course Jun had come!

It had been a little tricky, but thankfully, he had two strapping young men to hold down the Moon Market front, supervised by Eomma. Tae was home, watching the girls. Was Jun still a little anxious about all these moving parts-- yes, yes he was-- but Vixey had had a big year and he wanted to support her too. He'd just not stay for dessert, to free Eomma and make sure he could close the store.

"It sneaks up on you," said Jun, nodding, as he was already thirty. "But you know, I like my thirties. I barely remember my 20s to be fair, it was mostly medical school anyway, hm? Now this is like your fresh start."

TIANA: Maybe it was just the emotional rollercoaster that August had been, but Tiana found herself getting a little misty-eyed. Vixey had been there for her through some really tough stuff. And she really wanted her to know how much she appreciated her. So she'd been able to finagle an evening off, handing the reigns over to Angie (and, thankfully, Candace and Vanessa were back now too).

"I'm excited for you, Vixey," Tiana smiled. She lifted her glass and looked around the table. "To Vixey, yeah? An amazing friend. And sister and daughter. Just the best."

AL: "Thirties are the best!" said Al. "Haven't you heard? Thirties are the new twenties." He let out a hearty laugh and raised his glass, clinking it against Tiana's, since she was the closest to him.

"To Vixey!"

DRAKKEN: Drakken, uncharacteristically, said nothing to any of this from where he sat at the table. That was, closer to the Chakraborty’s than any of the other people here who were Vixey’s friends. What was he supposed to say? The way he had spent his 20’s, and not 30’s, was nothing these people could relate to or would probably approve of. And, as he had vowed not to do, he didn’t want to embarrass Vixey in front of them.

Especially on her birthday.

He had already been drinking from his glass when the toast was proposed and stumbled to pull it away from his face and meet the glasses that were in front of him, cheeks ballooning before he harshly swallowed down.

VIXEY: Vixey didn't actually care too much about turning thirty. Except that she had just...thought she'd be in a different place in her life. Married. With children. And she had had half of that. And lost it. Which was more than what most people could say at her age. It was all very strange and awkward, but she was coming to find that...life was like that.

The toast made her blush. She giggled and raised her glass as well, taking a sip and feeling her heart near-bursting from the gratitude and warmth of the people around the table.

It had been a rough few years, but she felt at home here.

"Thanks everyone, that makes me feel better. Less old."

"You're not old," scoffed Farhan, her eldest brother. She wrinkled her nose at him.

"What do we think about a game after dinner? Maybe charades or, uh, what's that one where you put something on your forehead and people ahve to guess?"

JUN: Jun drank, and then his nose wrinkled at the suggestion of a game. Aish, he always hated such things. His family stuck to watching movies together mostly. Games got too competitive too fast. Tae and Star always ended up fighting to the death if they tried.

"Eh, do we have an even amount of people for that?" Jun wondered. He cast his eye around the table. "One, two, three, four... you got to get in pairs you know...five--six..."

TIANA: Tiana laughed. Leave it to Jun to overthink. She didn't really care what they did; she was having fun either way. Though she did feel the need to assert her bestie status. "I call Vixey as my partner!" she announced, blowing a kiss in her friend's direction and giggling.

AL: "Aw, well we don't wanna leave Drakken out!" said Al. He wanted to make sure that Vixey's new beau fit in with the friend group! Also, for some reason he felt like Drakken was a kindred spirit -- a fellow outsider! He gave the other man a thumbs up. "He should be with Vixey -- keep the lovebirds together, eh? Tiana, you can be with me. I'm so good at this game -- we're gonna kill it!"

DRAKKEN: This was familiar territory! Everyone picking partners and there Drakken was, sitting in his chair waiting until he could ask the teacher if he could just do it by himself. Except this wasn’t something he could do alone. He wished he had dragged Sarina along now. Vixey had brought her friends, why couldn’t he?  

Even if it was her birthday party!

Only, to his surprise, someone stuck up for him. His eyebrows arched on his forehead and he looked over at…what was that guy’s name again? Art? Ahhh- L? Al? He mirrored the gesture, then turned to look at Vixey to see who she would side with.

VIXEY: Oh. Oh right.

Shoot. Maybe she should have suggested something that didn't have partners. Like...Monopoly! Her gaze darted from Tiana to Al to Drakken, then back to Tiana. Part of her wanted to try and gauge her reaction, but her gaze skittered away, towards Drakken--who was uncharacteristically quiet, probably trying to gauge her reaction. And she didn't want to let him down or--act like she was embarrassed by him. She wasn't!

She just--hadn't had time to tell Tiana about them yet.

"We can play several rounds!" she said, smiling first at Drakken than the table at large. "That way we can all switch up partners. Or a different game, because Jun is right. We don't have an even number."

JUN: Jun scowled when Al had picked Tiana and not him. Ah, such was life, wasn't it! Now,  if he had brought a date, maybe he wouldn't be last. That's how life worked. Always in couples. See, Vixey and Drakken just proved it, coupling up right away because, well, you couldn't blame them, that was just the way the world worked and.

"It's fine, it's fine, if you all want to play it," Jun waved his hand, not even noticing Tiana's shocked expression about anything at all. "I can always sit out."

TIANA: Lovebirds?

That was a joke, right? Tiana laughed uncomfortably. It was a joke about Drakken's obvious weird crush on Vixey. Tiana honestly had been confused about why she'd invited him in the first place, but whatever, maybe they were friends and it was okay to have a crush on your friends sometimes, and considering Vixey hadn't told Tiana anything about having a literal "lovebird," there was no way it was reciprocal, right?

Not that there was anything wrong with it being reciprocal (okay, Tiana still thought it was weird, and she didn't think she liked this guy, and she thought Vixey could do a lot better. But not the point.) If Vixey really liked him, Tiana would have supported her. But if they were actually together and Vixey hadn't told her?

The weirdest part of all was that nobody else seemed shocked. Al was already moving on, and Vixey was giving Drakken some reassuring smile, and Jun was scowling like he knew what was going on.

Maybe it wasn't a joke.

Did everyone know but her?

Her expression froze, and she laughed awkwardly through her teeth again. "...Uh, am I missing something here?"

AL: "It's cuz it's a partnered game, Tiana.," said Al, who had completely misinterpreted what Tiana said.

"But Jun, I don't wanna leave you out! We can totally switch to something with teams instead. Like charades! So we'll have an uneven number, but I think we can make it work. Oh! Have you guys ever played Codenames? It's really fun. I think I have it in my car, actually, since I was going through the Barn cabinet before this. You're like a spy and you try to get your team to guess words by using other words -- wait, it's better if you play it."

DRAKKEN: Drakken resisted the urge to roll his eyes and this may as well have been his trek up Mount Everest as far as endurance and physical effort went. Sitting here, listening to these people talk among themselves made him wonder if they were even friends at all. Seriously, they couldn’t even decide on a game to play?

Although, whatever this Al guy was talking about seemed interesting even if Drakken had no idea what it was. Also, he didn’t want to sit around here asking more questions and letting the night go to waste on all their yammering. “Sure! Let’s do that.”

VIXEY: The boys talked. Vixey didn't really pay attention to them. She was looking at Tiana. Or--everywhere but Tiana. Or...kind of both. She was flitting her gaze around uncomfortably.

Maybe she should just follow Al's lead and ignore what was happening. Or she should just come clean, but the conversation had moved on and now it would be awkward. Her gaze finally landed on Jun, eyes widening, just slightly--indicating: help.

Harish, who was sitting next to Tiana, arm stretched across the back of her chair, laughed a little. "Did you not get the memo? Drakken managed to finally get up the guts to get with Vixey. After we watched them moon over each other for like a year. Right, Farhan?"

"I'm not getting involved," Farhan said and took a bite of his dinner.

"Harish, don't tease your sister," chided their father.

JUN: Er-- what was happening right now?

Jun didn't know. Jun was busy grumbling and feeling lonely while sitting in a room of people who were supposed to be his friends, spiraling off about how soon Al would be married and Tiana would be married and Vixey would be married and Jun wouldn't even be invited to game night-- and then all of a sudden?

Tiana didn't know? What? That was impossible! Tiana knew everything about Vixey. They were best friends.

"You didn't tell her?" blurted Jun directly at Vixey. Which, okay, not super smart, but he was shocked!

TIANA: Tiana could feel the heat rising to her face. Anger. Embarrassment. Betrayal. Mostly, she felt stupid. So everyone at this table had gone through the night knowing something she didn't, and Vixey was supposed to be her best friend. What the hell?

She stared at Vixey for a moment, speechless, all of the emotions playing out on her face like a silent film. And then, slowly, she turned to look at Jun, any thought that this might ruin Vixey's birthday dinner already forgotten. Too late. it was already ruined for Tiana. It was ruined the second Drakken showed up and Tiana foolishly, obliviously believed she knew what was going on.

If there was one thing Tiana hated more than anything, it was being out of the loop. Out of the know. Rich, maybe, coming from someone who had so many secrets, but she had been burned, too. By Nuka. By Jessica. And the stakes here were lower, sure, but they didn't feel like that in the moment.

Vixey was her best friend. She was supposed to be, anyway?

"No, she didn't tell me," she said slowly, barely-contained rage dripping from her tone. "Nobody told me, Jun."

Yeah, Tiana had thought Vixey would tell her, but... if not her, surely someone would tell her, right? Nobody at this table was innocent to Tiana.

AL: Oh. Oh.

Well, this was awkward. Al opened his mouth to say something, then he closed it. Then he opened it again. Then he closed it. Then he frantically looked at Jun, raising both his eyebrows and hoping that the frantic wriggling would do all the talking he needed.

"I thought she woulda told you," Al said. He tried to laugh a little, but it fell flat. "Well, uh... man, sorry about that. Just sort of assumed we all knew! Guess what they say about assuming things is right, eh? Makes an ass... out of... well, you know." He cleared his throat.

JUN: Aish, this was not good at all. Jun's eyebrows creased as he panic-looked around the table, but his gaze kept jumping back to Tiana the most, who looked like she was about to explode--

"Well, if it makes you feel better, she didn't tell me either!" Jun blurted. "Drakken did!" And he pointed right at the man.

DRAKKEN: Just when he thought they were going to finally get to the games.

Drakken’s eyes darted from person to person while they piped up. From what he was gathering Vixey hadn’t told anyone about them. At least, the restaurant lady and the grocery store guy. Al seemed to have known. That made sense, though, Drakken was gathering he was the only nice one out of the three.

Still, though. These were supposed to be Vixey’s friends. Drakken had gone straight home and not even wasted 10 seconds before he was telling Sarina about Vixey. Did that…mean something?

Of course it did. It meant she didn’t want to tell the people closest to her that she was in a relationship with him. She was embarrassed of him. She’d said so herself, hadn’t she? He thought that would have changed now, since she’d also said she wanted to be with him. Maybe this is what she meant when she had been talking about it being complicated.

“Hey!” he started, pointing back at Jun. “Everyone calm down. This Vixey’s birthday, don’t try to make this about yourselves just because you didn’t get the message or were too wrapped up in your own drama to have time to listen!”

VIXEY: Vixey was feeling a little sweaty. Was it hot in here? Was it just her?

Dinner suddenly didn't look very appetizing. She--didn't know what to do. This wasn't how she meant to tell Tiana. Obviously, she wanted to tell her! Things had just gotten away from her and then it was her birthday and she'd gotten swept up in planning for it. She had been...happy to have everyone at the table. Play a game. Laugh with her friends and her boyfriend.

But she had messed up. It was her fault. She saw the hurt on Tiana's face and she wanted to fix it. Her mouth opened--

Drakken spoke first and Vixey almost wanted to burst into grateful tears. Even if he hadn't exactly...worded it well. She owed him an apology for all of this too.

She reached out and put a hand on his arm.

"I'm sorry, T. I didn't--I was gonna tell you. I just...with everything going on it never felt like the right time and I--I am sorry." She wasn't sure what else to say, sitting there looking contrite was all she could manage.

JUN: Here was the thing about Jun.

If you yelled at him, he yelled right back. If you got angry at him, he would become angry at you. He did not know how to take a breath and calm down. And so he was ready to hit back at Drakken, not only for his own sake, but Tiana's too, eh! This wasn't their fault. They were the victims. They would have happily listened to anything Vixey had to say. Why, he'd just seen Vixey the other day. And the day before that! What drama did he have to prevent her from sharing what should be happy, happy news??

Jun did not get to yell though. Because Vixey was not yelling. And just like that-- his anger deflated, seeing his friend so upset and strikken. He frowned and leaned back in his chair, not saying anything at all.

TIANA: Drakken's words stung. Because they were true. Tiana knew she had been too wrapped up in her own drama, all month. First Jessica. Then Aurora. Then the fallout of that, fighting with Belle and snapping at her employees and feeling like she was barely holding onto the things that mattered most in her life. It was affecting everyone around her, too, and that was the worst part. Tiana hated when her own issues became everyone else's problem. She was much better at being the one to comfort other people, not the other way around.

So no wonder Vixey hadn't told her. She probably thought Tiana couldn't handle it. That she would make it about herself, the same way she was making this about herself now. She would ruin it, even. And so Vixey had thought... what? That she could have her perfect birthday dinner, with her boyfriend and her best friends and everything would go great because Tiana would be none the wiser?

It had been a long time since Tiana felt like this. Insecure. Ineffective. Like she was a heaping mess of barely-contained problems, liable to spill out at any moment. She hated it. And she hated looking at Drakken sitting there with Vixey's hand on his arm like they were united in this. Against her.

She opened her mouth to retort something harsh and biting at Drakken— how dare he, who asked him, he didn't have a fucking clue what he was talking about— but then she got the distinct feeling that she might start crying, and maybe that she would say something she really regretted, so she stopped herself.

"No, no, I get it," she said, her voice wobbly. "I get it. You're trying to have a nice time on your birthday. Sorry for the drama." She glanced at Drakken quickly and then back at Vixey, then pushed her chair back and stood up. "Y'all can get on with the game. It'll be even now." Her voice cracked on the last word.

AL: Well. This was awkward.

There were multiple times Al thought about chiming in, trying to relieve the tension with a joke or something. But each time he thought of something, another person would say something and then Al's joke seemed a little insensitive. He wanted so badly for this to be a happy birthday dinner again -- and he kept internally kicking himself in the gut for messing up. Then again, how was he to know that Vixey hadn't actually told anyone?! Especially when she invited her boyfriend! It wasn't his fault --

That was unfair. That was unfair, and now Tiana was upset and getting up, and Al sprang up.

"Tia! Aw, c'mon -- we can make the pairings work, I promise. I'm sure this was all just a huge misunderstanding, yeah? We're all friends here."  

JUN: "Well, I don't want to play," piped up Jun, because he didn't. The games sounded ridiculous to him! He was grumpy before, he was grumpy now. He crossed his arms.

DRAKKEN: “Oh, absolutely not,” Drakken said, standing up and tossing his napkin onto the table. Everyone else’s anger may have dropped to the floor but his was still bright and brimming. It always was and not even Vixey’s touch could stop it. Maybe that was because she was the source of it, though.

“What did I just say? This is Vixey’s birthday! Her 30th birthday! Now you are going to sit down-” he pointed at Tiana then he turned, pointed at Jun once again, “-play whatever game she wants you to play, and you are going to enjoy it! I don’t care if you’re hurt or whatever this is, you’re friends, you’ll get over it. You two are acting like the teenagers I see everyday.”

VIXEY: This was horrible.

And all her fault.

"Drakken, it's okay," she tried, a little helplessly, because honestly? She appreciated him sticking up for her, even though she knew she had probably hurt him too with all of this. It was nice. Reassuring. It gave her enough courage to look Tiana in the face. Which she did, lifting her chin.

"I said I was sorry," she told Tiana. "I didn't mean to--I just didn't want you to get upset because of everything...and then, it just got away from me. I wasn't keeping anything from you on purpose. Or you." She looked to Jun too, but Drakken had told her he'd seen Jun and she had just...assumed. Which--as Al had said--clearly was making an ass out of her.  

TIANA: Tiana felt exposed, like a dream where you got up onstage and realized you'd forgotten your trousers. She didn't want to do this right now. She didn't want to have this fight right here. She wanted to talk to Vixey privately, instead of in front of Al's awkward attempts to smooth things over and Jun's grumpy commentary and Drakken's scolding.

That was the worst part. Tiana didn't even know this guy. How was it that he got to witness— and comment on— probably the only real fight she'd ever had with Vixey? She couldn't go on with this now. If she did, she was afraid she might say something she would really regret.

"You think I would've been upset? You think I wouldn't have put aside my own stuff to be happy for you? Yeah, no, don't even, Vixey. I'm not a child—" Tiana snapped, all of her insecurity about being younger and less mature than the rest of this crew starting to rear its ugly head. Everyone was looking at her. Everyone was seeing it, all of it, all her issues and hangups and problems that she always did such a good job of hiding. It was mortifying. "Look, I think I better just go. I get what you're saying. I just don't wanna talk about it here. Don't need the audience. Sorry." Tiana swallowed hard and turned to head for the door.

VIXEY: Yeah, Vixey did think that Tiana would be upset. She could be sensitive, that was just a fact. They'd gotten in tiffs before over stupid, sensitive things. Something that Vixey had said or something that Tiana had said. Tiana was quick to anger. Vixey hadn't wanted that, so she had overcorrected.

Or, worse, Tiana would be fake about her excitement. And, besides, it had just felt like the nice thing to do. Not shove her relationship in her friend's face after she'd been through something horrible.

It was too late to do anything about it now, though.

"Tiana, wait--" Vixey said, getting up herself when Tiana pushed her chair out and headed for the front door.

TIANA: Tiana whirled around when she heard Vixey's voice, just as she was about to open the door. "What, Vixey?" Tiana said hissed, fighting back tears. Couldn't Vixey just let her leave? Couldn't she just go on with this party and have fun with her fun, non-depressing friends who could all handle the fact that she had a boyfriend, apparently?

That wasn't just bitterness. Tiana genuinely wanted Vixey to turn around and go back to the table and have a fun night. She was still hurt that Vixey hadn't told her about Drakken, but she knew they'd talk about it, eventually, and she'd get over it. She had to. She didn't want to lose Vixey as a friend.

But right now, she felt like if she were one of the wine glasses out on the table, then she'd have sprung a leak. Something cracked in her, and now she was dribbling bright red wine all over the table, ruining the night, drawing attention to herself, impossible to put back together in that moment. There was no pouring the wine back in the bottle. You just had to clean it up and make it look like it hadn't been there to begin with.

She couldn't pretend everything was fine. She couldn't do what Drakken insisted. And honestly, she didn't want to, because she had a stubborn streak that was winning out over her ability to be the person Vixey needed right now.

"What do you want me to do? First I find out you've been hiding all this shit from me that everyone else knows. Then your secret boo, who I barely even know, starts calling me out in front of everyone, and what? I'm supposed to just take it? Pretend I'm just fine with it all and I'm not, like, horribly humiliated? Sit down and play the bloody game like nothing's wrong? I don't do that shit. Sorry."

VIXEY: Honestly, Vixey didn't think that Tiana would be this upset. Obviously, it had been kind of shitty, but Vixey had only kept it from her because she didn't want Tiana to be stressed! She had enough going on and Vixey didn't want to make her feel bad. Between Aurora and Jessica, there had been a lot the last two months.

She was going to tell her, once things had calmed down. Once she had settled into things with Drakken more. It was just--

When was that going to be? It would never be the right time, would it? And now--

Now, Tiana was storming out on her. On her birthday, just because she hadn't told her she was dating someone? And it had only been a few weeks anyway. They'd barely even hung out in that time! And when they did, Tiana was unloading on Vixey. Which, y'know, she didn't mind but--

It was kind of pissing her off.

"Yeah! You accept my apology and come play games with your friends, for my birthday," Vixey snapped. "I wasn't trying to pull one over on you, Tiana. Shit has been pretty insane the last few months." Vixey crossed her arms over her chest.

TIANA: Tiana didn't want to ruin Vixey's birthday. But she felt like she already had. And she felt like she was only going to make it worse if she stayed, a stormy cloud over what was supposed to be a fun night.

She glanced toward the kitchen, where everyone was still sitting around the table. And she wished she could have erased all of it, everything, the past ten minutes, and laughed it off the way Vixey probably would have laughed it off. But she knew she couldn't. That moment replayed in her mind, when she realized she was on the outside of everything, And it stabbed at something tender and raw in her, a wound that wasn't really healed, even if Tiana wanted to believe it was.

It wasn't really about Vixey. Or Drakken. Or Al or Jun. It was just... all of it. And now the thought of going in there and facing everyone...

"Maybe you weren't. But you did a pretty good job of it anyway. Everyone knew except me," Tiana said stubbornly, crossing her arms. And she stood there for a moment, icy and impassive, and then it hit her that this was supposed to be Vixey's 30th birthday, and it was supposed to be so different, and...

She dropped her arms. "Look, I'm sorry, I know it's your birthday. Maybe you didn't do it on purpose. And if that's the case, like, yeah, I accept your apology. But I can't do this. I can't just pretend that—" She shook her head. "I think it's better for everyone if I just go. We can talk later. You have a party to get back to."

VIXEY: So what?

That was what Vixey wanted to say. So what that everyone knew? It wasn’t because Vixey was being mean. She was trying to be sensitive! Tiana had just gone through a horrible break up and Vixey didn’t want to rub her relationship in her face. Not to mention: she hadn’t been the nicest about Drakken the last time he’d been brought up in conversation. Vixey hadn’t wanted to deal with it.

“No one is asking you to pretend anything,” Vixey said harshly. “We are just asking you come back and have a nice dinner with everyone. But fine. Whatever. I’ll talk to you later.”

TIANA: "Fine." And Tiana stood there, a moment longer, like maybe she was about to say something else, and then she didn't. She shouldered her way through the door and out into the cool night air, and it was only when she reached the sidewalk, when she caught light of the warm glow inside the house, that she realized she was crying.

It was just like she had thought. Her pain was swirling around her like a tornado, and even the people who had been trying to support her were getting swept up in it. Maybe it was better for her to keep her distance.

&&& &&& &&&

DRAKKEN: The night, of Vixey's birthday that was, had been dwindling down and Drakken had found his chance to run. For all his yelling and scolding at Vixey’s friends for trying to get themselves out of an uncomfortable situation, he had slithered on into the kitchen while everyone was saying their goodbyes. Her mother was in there, cleaning up, and it was the perfect excuse to get away.

“I can help,”  he announced himself, rolling up his sleeves haphazardly to go join her at the kitchen sink. He insisted on rinsing while she dried, as if he was going to pass up on the chance to get out all his frustrations on scrubbing mindlessly at the dishes. It’s what he did at home, too, when he was too frustrated or sad or angry to do anything else. Clean. Take it all out on the dust and grime of life.

He dared to look up when someone else entered the kitchen, giving Vixey a once over before returning to his task, double time now.

VIXEY: The rest of Vixey's birthday had been tense. Peppered with false cheer. She had tried, really hard, to smooth things over, but it felt like everyone was upset at her. Tiana's absence was like a gaping wound and the party was hemorrhaging. Al had done his very best to salvage things, bless him and Jun had...not made things worse, but also sat with a slightly pinched expression, especially when he lost the game they'd been playing.

Her brothers were more rowdy than usual and her parents had been quietly in the background.

She could tell Drakken was upset with her and that, more than anything, made her feel badly.

After saying good night and thank you, and wishing them save drives home, Vixey saw Al and Jun off and then wandered into the kitchen. She smiled a little when Drakken turned towards her, but then went and busied herself cleaning off the last few dishes. She dropped them off at his elbow and then glanced at her mother.

Silently, she held a hand out for the towel and her mother acquiesced. She kissed her daughter's head and told Drakken good night.

Vixey took up the dish her mother had been washing and began to dry it silently, not sure what to say, though she watched the tense line of Drakken's shoulders as he scrubbed at the dishes.

DRAKKEN: Did he feel a little betrayed when Mrs. Chakraborty left him alone with her daughter? Yes, but then he couldn't really expect her to be on his team here since the opposing side was literally her daughter. Didn't mean he couldn't feel miffed, though, because he was going to.

Try as he might, Drakken couldn't do the silent treatment. It wasn't in his blood to let the sleeping dog lie, or whatever. He had been festering on it all the latter half of the night, but it had really started back when he had met with the grocery guy that day at her work. When he had been the one to tell him about their relationship, not Vixey. And now, to find out that she hadn't told the restaurant lady? At least Al had gotten the info, but still! 2/3?

"I don't get it!" he blurted, attention still on the dishes in the sink. "What's so wrong with me that you didn't want to tell them? Are you still embarrassed of me? I thought we agreed we wanted to be together!"

VIXEY: "That's not--" Vixey started, sounding a little flustered and desperate and embarrassed because she was.

That hadn't been...her reasoning or thinking or whatever. She wasn't embarrassed by Drakken, really! Things had just been busy. And maybe...her friends were a bit judgmental. She worried that they would have negative reactions and it would make her overthink...

"I am not embarrassed of you," she began again, more softly. "I just--my friends...they're...well, Tiana has been going through a lot and Jun is...Jun. I didn't know what to say to them and so...I just didn't say anything. I am sorry. I didn't mean for it to seem like I am embarrassed of you. I'm not," she said firmly.

DRAKKEN: Drakken didn't really know whether to believe her or not seeing as she only ever seemed to really tell the truth when she was yelling at him, or after he had spent a while pulling it free from her. Her reasoning made sense, he guessed, but only because- "If that's the case then it doesn't really seem like they're your friends. Aren't they supposed to accept you no matter what? Be happy with your decisions and all that crap?"

Sarina, for as much as she made fun of him and back talked and rained on his parade, always supported him. No matter what it was! Well- that wasn't quite true, but it was pretty much true! She was always there to back him up, no matter how absurd his plans and schemes got. And people said there was no honor among thieves? At least they had loyalty.

"If...if they don't like me, which I don't think they do, are you going to break up with me?" he asked, completely serious under his fading tone of annoyance.

VIXEY: Vixey was concentrating very hard on the dish she was drying. Even though, at this point, she was putting streaks in it.

It was a good question. One that...Vixey wasn't sure the answer of. Her friends were really important to her. They had helped her open her shoppe. Encouraged her. Picked her up when she was down. She owed a lot to them. Especially Jun, who had given her work and a purpose again. Who she felt understood her, more than the others, because they'd both lost people and, more importantly, had their lives derailed because of that loss.

She respected their opinions.

But--Drakken was also her friend. Drakken made her laugh, more than anyone else. And he made her actually...feel something. He pissed her off, sure, but that had been important too. Reminding her that she wasn't made of glass. He had been her friend and now he was her boyfriend and that meant she had a loyalty to him too.

"No," Vixey said, after a long moment. She looked over at Drakken with a frown. "No, I won't. They'll come around. They are just--protective of me. They just need to get to know you. I know they're a little...judgy but they'll warm up!"

DRAKKEN: In Drakken's experience people did not warm up to him. Which was fine, the last thing he cared about was people liking him! ...actually this was very untrue, but he pretended like it was in order to keep on the facade.

Why didn't they like him? It was a question that still plagued him, even out of high school and college.

Drakken had learned that it didn't matter if people didn't like him, he was going to rule the world and prove to those people that he was smarter than them. Better, in every way. That's how he was going to get his revenge. But it was different with Vixey's friends because it wasn't like he could just throw that in their faces. Well, he would when it happened, but until then he couldn't just be like he usually was with people he didn't like. Because for some reason Vixey liked them and if Vixey liked them then she would choose them over him because they told her to.

It wasn't until the 'they're protective,' comment that he seemed to understand. She'd been married before and lost that guy to the worse fate imaginable. Maybe they were all just on Drakken's case because they didn't want something like that to happen again. As if they didn't know that if the apocolypse happened, it would be Drakken and the cockroaches battling it out for the last potato chips.

"Fine," he sighed, accepting this. For now. He set down the dishes in the sink. "Sorry. I didn't want your birthday to be so...terrible. Is there anything I can do before it's tomorrow?"

VIXEY: Vixey felt uneasy about this whole conversation. She was trying to think how best to reassure Drakken, while also reassuring herself. This was the right course of action. When it was just them, it was easy enough. Things had been a little awkward at first, but they had been getting into a groove. It had been nice. Much easier than with Hercules. She didn't feel like she had to try. Or put on a front for Drakken.

But--when her friends got involved...things felt messy. She felt...insecure and nervous and she wasn't sure why. She was a grown ass woman. They were all adults. She could date whoever she damn well pleased.

She was also a push over and didn't have her checklist anymore. It made things so much more confusing.

Which meant she was glad when Drakken didn't push. The tension in her own shoulders unwound and she put the plate down she'd been holding.

"It wasn't your fault," she told him, slipping her arms around his waist and putting her chin on his arm, looking up at him with a little smile. "It was kind of my fault to be honest." She lifted her shoulders in a little shrug. "It'll be okay. It was just a birthday anyway. Hopefully, I'll have plenty more for do overs."

DRAKKEN: Suddenly Vixey was hugging him, making him feel all warm and soft. It felt...weird that he was being rewarded for conceding, essentially. That usually didn't work out for him but here it did. In the best way possible, too. Vixey wasn't mad at him for ruining her birthday or anything like that. Even though he had yelled at her friends, caused a scene, and just gotten cross with her. And, again, all on her birthday. She should have been the one making the scene.

"It wasn't your fault, either. Nothing is on your birthday, those are the rules," he told her, very seriously. Drakken reached up to returned the hug, having to lean his head back a little to keep her smile within sight. It made him chuckle, the source of it more of a vibration of his chest rather than an actual sound. "Come on, there has to be something that'll wash your mouth out from all that. I don't want to leave you with that to fall asleep to. Your brain is going to make you  have nightmares about codenames and yelling and cake."

VIXEY: Vixey laughed a little at the birthday rules thing. She’d once upon a time believed that too, because she liked rules and orders and all those sorts of things. As an adult, things were always so much messier.

She was just tired now. The tension lifted but it left exhaustion in its wake. She appreciated Drakken trying to fix things, but she didn’t know how to do that. Everyone was already gone. The house quiet. The evening, effectively, ruined.

The hug was nice, though. Vixey turned her head, so that her ear pressed against his chest and she squeezed him a little tighter for a moment.

“You could stay the night,” she suggested, murmuring into his shirt before pulling back a little to look at him. “Can’t have bad dreams that way. Those are the rules.”

DRAKKEN: Drakken's gut reaction was to say yes, both because she was asking and if it would make her feel better after everything then of course he would do it, but also because he wanted to. Getting to spend any amount of time with Vixey was well worth it.

Then he remembered that it probably was not a good idea since without going home he would most likely wake up blue and that wouldn't be good, now would it? If she wasn't embarrassed of him now then she surely would be then. And would also have a lot of questions he didn't think would be a good follow up to the night she'd just had.

"I would, but I have to be at the school bright and early tomorrow morning," he said, the disappointment and regret in his voice still very sincere despite the excuse he was giving not altogether the real reason he wasn't going to stick around.

VIXEY: “Oh,” Vixey said, trying not to sound hurt or disappointed, and failing miserably.

She smiled and ducked her head and felt…kind of horrible and dejected. It was totally fair he didn’t want to stay! That would be a super long drive into town in the morning and it was the second week of school still. It was a very good, adult reason to not stay!

Vixey wanted him to anyway. She wasn’t going to…beg or guilt trip, though. That would be just as bad.

“Right, yeah. That makes sense,” she nodded and looked back up at him. “Well, uhm, how about just a kiss then? Before you say goodnight?”

DRAKKEN: As oblivious as Drakken usually was, he didn't miss the way Vixey had said that. On one hand he felt bad disappointing her, after all that had happened today. He didn't really care about the drive or the effort it would take to get up earlier than normal, he was usually up by then anyway, the insomniac that he was. This was sort of the first time in his life since becoming a criminal that he wished that he actually was just some science teacher without some horrible lab accident keeping him from staying the night, just to make his girlfriend happy.

"That I can do," he agreed. Drakken leaned forward and kissed Vixey's cheek, then the other, and then, finally, pressed his lips against hers.

VIXEY: Vixey was still disappointed, but as Drakken kissed her face, she couldn't help but giggle, so that when he kissed her properly, she was still smiling into the kiss. She kissed him back, her eyes fluttering closed and she pressed a little closer.

It was a nice kiss. It lingered. When it broke and Vixey pulled away, she huffed.

"Are you sure you can't stay?" she pouted, just a little. "It's my birthday." As if he didn't know that. She kissed him again, just for extra incentive.

[lee-scribbles-and-doodles]

My Top Ten Overlooked Movies With Female Leads In No Particular Order

Note: When you see this emoji (⚠️) I will be talking about things people may find triggering, which are spoilery more often then not. I mention things that I think may count as triggers so that people with them will be aware before going in to watch any of these.

Edited: 3/16/21

Hanna (2011)

So, before I get into why you should watch this movie, I just want to take a moment to say why it's near and dear to my heart. Growing up as a queer kid in the early 2000s, seeing portrayals of people like or similar to myself on anything was rare at best. It was mostly in more "adult" movies or shows that my parents would occasionally let me watch with them that I'd see any lgbtq+ rep at all. Often times they were either walking stereotypes, designed to be buried, evil, or all three.

Then here comes this PG-13 action thriller with a wonderfully written main female lead who, at the time, was close to my age, and who got to kiss another girl (her very first friend, Sophie) on screen in an extremely tender and heartwarming scene. To say the least, it was a life changing moment for me personally.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, Hanna is a suspenseful movie about a child super-soldier named, you guessed it, Hanna (played by Saoirse Ronan) and her adoptive (?) father Erik Heller (played by Eric Bana) exiting the snowy and isolated wilderness of their home and taking on the shadowy CIA operative, Marissa Wiegler (played by Cate Blanchette) who wants Erik dead and Hanna for herself for mysterious reasons.

It also has an amazing soundtrack by the Chemical Brothers, great action scenes, and it has an over arching fairytale motif, which I'm always a sucker for.

⚠️ Mild blood effects, some painful looking strikes, various character deaths, and child endangerment all feature in this film. However, given its PG-13 rating, a majority of viewers are presumably able to handle this one. Still, be aware of these going in.

Sidenote: It's recently gotten a TV adaptation on Amazon TV, although I have not watched it, and do not know if Hanna and Sophie's romantic/semi-romantic relationship has transferred over.

A Simple Favor

A Simple Favor is a "black-comedy mystery thriller" centered entirely around the relationship between two mothers, the reclusive, rich, mysterious, and regal Emily (played by Blake Lively), and the local recently widowed but plucky mommy blogger, Stephanie (played by Anna Kendrick). When Emily suddenly goes missing, Stephanie takes it upon herself to find out what happened to her new best friend.

It's a fantastic and entertaining movie throughout, with fun, flawed and interesting characters. The relationship between the two female leads is also implied to be at least somewhat romantic in nature, and they even share a kiss.

⚠️ The only major warnings I can think of is that the movie contains an instance of incest and one of the main plotlines revolves around child abuse, although both of these potentially triggering topics are not connected to each other, so there is thankfully no csa going on.

Edit: I legitimately forgot there was drug use in this movie until now. So, yeah, if that's a trigger, be careful of that.

I Am Mother

I became mildly obsessed with this movie when it came out. I Am Mother is a sci-fi film that centers entirely around a cast of two woman, and a female-adjacent robot who is brought to life on screen with absolutely amazing practical effects.

The plot is such, after an extinction-level event, a lone robot known only as Mother tasks herself with replenishing the human race via artifical means. She begins with the film's main protagonist, Daughter. Years go by as Mother raises her human child and the two prepare for Daughter's first sibling (a brother) to be born. However, on Daughter's 16th birthday, the arrival of an outsider known only as Woman shakes Daughter's entire world view. She begins to question Mother's very nature, as well as what's really going on outside the bunker she and her caretaker call home.

⚠️ This movie features child endangerment and reference to child death.

Lilo and Stitch

When I decided to add a single Disney film to this list I initially thought it was going to be hard but almost immediately my brain went to Lilo and Stitch, and specifically about the relationship between Lilo and Nani.

On the surface, this film is about a lonely little girl accidentally adopting a fugitive alien creature as a "dog," but underneath that the story is also about two orphaned sisters and the older sister's attempts to not let social services tear them apart by stepping up as the younger sister's primary guardian. Despite its seemingly goofy premise, Lilo and Stitch has a very emotional and thoughtful center. It's little wonder how this movie managed to spawn an entire franchise.

Despite the franchise it spawned (or possibly because of it), I often find that Lilo and Stitch is overlooked and many people only remember it for the "little girl adopts an alien as a pet" portion of its plot, and I very rarely see it on people's top 10 Disney lists.

⚠️ This movie could be potentially triggering to people who were separated from their siblings or other family members due to social service intervention. There's also a bit of child endangerment, including a scene where Lilo and Stitch both almost drown.

Nausicaä and the Valley of the Wind

Unlike the above entry, I did struggle a little bit with picking a single Studio Ghibli film. Most media of the Ghibli catalogue have strong, well-written, unique, and interesting female leads so selecting just one seemed like quite the task.

However, I eventually settled on this particular film. In recent months, Princess Nausicaä has become my absolute favorite Ghibli protagonist and I'm absolutely enchanted by the world she lives in.

Set in a post-apocalyptic world overun by giant insects and under threat of a toxic forest and its poisoness spores, Nausicaä must try to protect the Valley of the Wind from invaders as she also tries to understand the science behind the toxic forest and attempts to bridge the gap between the insects and the humans.

For those who have never seen the film, I think Nausicaä's personality can best be described as being similar to OT Luke Skywalker. Both are caring, compassionate, and gentle souls who are able to see the best in nearly anyone or anything. She's an absolutely enthralling protagonist and after rewatching the film again for the first time in well over a decade she has easily become one of my all time favorite protagonists.

Whenever I see people talk about Ghibli films, they rarely mention this one, and when they do mention it, it's often in passing. In my opinion it's a must watch.

⚠️ This movie contains some blood, and the folks who either don't like insects or who have entomophobia may not appreciate the giant bugs running about throughout the movie. (Although most insects do not directly relate to real life bugs, and are fantasy creatures).

A Silent Voice

A Silent Voice is an animated movie adaptation of a manga of the same name. While I've never had the pleasure to read the manga, the movie is phenomenal. It covers topics such a bullying, living in the world with a disability, the desire for atonement, social anxiety, and depression in a well thought out manner that ties itself together through the progression of the relationship between its two leads, Shoya and Shouko. It's also beautifully animated. Although very popular among anime viewers, I've noticed that it's often overlooked by people who watch little to no anime. So I suppose this is me urging non-anime viewers to give this film a chance.

⚠️ As mentioned above, the movie deals with bullying, anxiety, and depression (with this last one including suicidal thoughts and behaviour). If discussion of those topics are triggering to you, than you may want to proceed with caution or skip this movie all together.

In This Corner of The World

Another manga adaptation, this one taking place during WWII-era Japan. In This Corner of The World follows the life of a civilian Japanese woman, Suzu Urano, as she navigates simply living and her new marriage as the wartime invades nearly all aspects of everyday life. I think this movie is a good representation of what it must be like to be living as civilian in a country at war where the fight is sometimes fought on one's own soil. It was also an interesting look into pre-50s Japanese culture in my opinion. It's also beautifully animated featuring an art style I don't see often.

Despite it being well known among anime fans, I never really see it be brought up, even among said anime fans themselves.

Side note: I've seen many WWII dramas centering around civilians but they've almost always been about American or UK civilians. This was the first movie I'd seen that features the perspective of a Japanese civilain.

⚠️ Features the death of a child and limb loss. There's also a disturbing scene featuring a victim of one of the atomic bombs near the end.

Wolf Children: Ame and Yuki

This film follows Hana, a Japan-native woman who fell in love with a magical shape-shifting wolf-man, and her trials with raising their children, who can also magically shape-shift into wolves, on her own. It's a very heartfelt movie about a mother's love and the struggles of doing right by your children when you have limited resources to actively guide and care for them. All the characters feel unique and alive in my opinion. Also, the animation is so good that my sister and I initially mistook it for a Ghibli film.

Again, like the previous two anime entries, I don't see it ever brought up outside of anime circles.

⚠️ There's some child endangerment present in the film, although none of it is the fault of Hana as far as I can remember.

Roman Holiday

Roman Holiday is about the fictional Princess Ann (played by Audrey Hepburn), who while on a whirlwind tour of Europe, finally reaches her breaking point over having her entire life be one big schedule and all her words and actions being rehearsed. In the spur of the moment, she runs away in hopes of experiencing what life is like for other women. Unfortunately, she was previously given a sedative, meaning she doesn't get too far before it takes effect. Fortunately, she is found by the kind reporter Joe Bradley (played by Gregory Peck). Believing her to be drunk and unable to get an address from her (because she has none) he ends up taking her home for safety's sake and allows her to sleep off her suppose drunken stupor. The next day, he realizes who she is, and decides to take her on a fun sight seeing trip across Rome in hopes of getting the big scoop. Along the way, they begin to fall for each other.

This is my favorite black and white, old romance film. I think the relationship between the main characters is absolutely beautiful and I have a lot of fun watching it.

⚠️ I'm not entirely sure what kind of warning this film would need. However, it was released in 1953, so values dissonance will probably be at play for many viewers to at least some extent. For example, early in the film Ann is given sedation drugs by her doctor for her behavior, something that is very unlikely to happen today. Also, Mr Bradley deciding to take Ann home to keep her safe rather than call the police or an ambulance is a very pre-90s decision in my opinion.

[ktheist]

heartbreaker of mine

muses. jungkook x reader

synopsis. ah, here we are again. the overtold, cliche as hell story about two best friends who might or might not be in love with each other. except you can’t - wouldn’t dare to dream about being with jungkook.

alternatively, wherein you fell for the one who could break your heart.

words. 7.5k

universe. university / slice of life

warnings. mentions of physical insecurities; appearance, commitment issues

x

you should have known that in the absence of two of your best friends, nothing ever goes right when you decide to hang out. it isn’t the fact that you’ve known each other since diapers and basically know anything and everything about the other, that at some point you feel like your friendship is stale and need new additions - that’s where park jimin and kim taehyung comes in; a year older but several younger at heart, you couldn’t have imagined going through uni life with someone but them - but it’s the fact that realization hits you at the end of your final year that makes you drift apart. 

the fact of the matter is, you prefer the solitude of your room, the library of that one spot in the cafe that you’ve claimed as yours. and jeon jungkook prefers the blare of music, strobe lights and bodies grinding against him.

by your final year, as you receive a job offer at the company you interned in on your second year, taehyung is already working part time at the company he interned in, jimin thinking about that modeling offer he just got scouted for and jeon jungkook is getting daddies of the girls he’s having a thing with to get him to work at their office just so their daughter can see their favorite boy more - yours and jungkook’s friendship has dwindled down to mere silences as you wait for the other two to knock on the door and fill the place up with their endless bickering about whether dumplings are better than mochi.

 “shouldn’t you like, give me advice?” are the words jungkook said to you while you type away on your laptop, trying to do some light reading for tomorrow’s class before your mac gets confiscated for ‘pooping the party’ as taehyung likes to call it.

and you know what he’s talking about without even having preambles of the topic make its way into the conversation.

yet you still take off your glasses and set it down in your lap and ask, “what could jeon jungkook possibly have not known and needed advice on?”

he scrunches his nose, not appreciating your sarcasm but humors it anyway, “you know,” he shrugs, as though shrunk into the sofa from either shyness or embarrassment - you don’t know, “on like, how to start being serious about life - and settling down.”

the silence that stretches is a stale one, filled with your blank stare and jungkook’s peering eyes - even at the age of 22, the stars still glimmer like they’ve been freshly plucked from the skies.

“you want me to help pick, out of the many job offers you got from your girlfriends’ rich parents, for you to do?” is your conclusion - though if you were 2 years younger and had a little bit more faith for the boy you basically called your twin, it would have been a good natured jest. but you’re older and jungkook isn’t exactly portraying characteristics of an upstanding citizen either.

“no,” his hair brushes against his brows as he shakes his head almost too eagerly - as though he saw that coming but still got upset and wanted to prove you wrong, “like how to start taking things seriously like settling down with someone and no, not with out of my many girlfriends - can we not call them that? it makes me sound like an ass.”

it takes you less than five seconds to digest his words, eyes drifting to the white screen of your mac for the sole reason you can’t bear to hold his intense gaze while you conjure up a response, “well for one, you are but there’s honestly nothing i can tell you that you don’t know already and there’s nothing i can possibly say to make you want to change - it has to come from you. or like, a professional that could help and if you think you need one, i’ll be with you all step-“

the brief scoff is what puts a rest to your racing thoughts while the smile on his lips put your heart at ease, “i’m not addicted to sex.”

“oh, okay.” is all you say, not seeing where the conversation is going as you watch the boy scratch the back of his ear, lips pulled into a pout - one way you know he’s trying to strum words into existence. and when he does, confused is an understatement to describe what your face is portraying.

“okay,  i’m saying if and if you’re looking for a husband, no, scratch that, would you even introduce someone like me to your parents?” but that’s the thing, you’re not confused because you don’t know where this is going but you’re confused because you don’t pretend to be oblivious.

but you’re also not a master at the art of heart-to-hearts and the gargantuan elephant that it brings. so you settle with a, “uh, i don’t know, you already know my parents, don’t know how i can reverse that and reintroduce you-“

“that’s not the point,” he blinks, the sight almost endearing as he freezes in his spot for a split second in contemplation of how to approach the matter and explain it to you who seem like you’re way off, “the point is-“

“i get it.”  you nod, arms crossing over your chest as jungkook’s wide eyes peers into you like a mixture of relief anticipation.

“you do?”

“you’re worried if your future partner will be insecure about the bodies you’ve seen before them,” there’s a knock on the door just as you’ve finished speaking.

as you get up to get up to answer it, knowing already who’s there from the obnoxious chatters - more like argument - you’re not sure if your brain is playing tricks on you or if jungkook’s shoulder line really falls as well as his face.

but the, “uh, yeah, i guess,” is what makes you push the image of dimmed stars and downturned pink lips to the back of your mind as you unlock the door, welcoming the two halfway-into-a-deep-quarreling men and their two bags of take-away roasted chicken, chips, mashed potatoes and whatever else they thought necessary to fill the game night with.

“thanks, shortcake,” taehyung smiles at you after you take a plastic bags off his and jimin’s hands and proceed to place it on the coffee table.

“tae, you’re literally taller than everyone,” throwing him a side glance, you shrug as you begin taking out the packed chicken wings and placing it in front of jungkook while taehyung helps with unpacking the add-ons from another bag, “calling me short isn’t exactly an insult.”

“i’m just saying we should demolish mint chocolate chips all at once,” jimin plops down on the couch adjacent to jungkook, “and no, we can’t let these savages go eating them - we need to educate-“

somewhere in the middle of jimin’s colonial-esque speech, you turn to the boy who’s never said a word since the two came in. not that those too needed an additional converse partner with how taehyung is advocating for leaving mint chocolate chip eaters alone and jimin staying with his stance that these people haven’t had a taste of all flavors in the world yet.

the way he seems to look at something past your shoulders tells you enough - he’s still deep in his thoughts about settling down, or changing or whatever. you don’t know why exactly he wants to change his heartbreaker ways but- “there’s nothing wrong with two adults having a - or multiple - consensual sexual relationship prior to finding their significant other. and if they have a problem with that then that’s something they need to work on, not you so no, i don’t think you should change anything unless you want to.”

x

it’s some days later that taehyung brings up the remnant of the conversation he overheard before the four of you began arguing about what movie to watch and ended up putting the fate of humanity in rock paper scissors. and so you tell him, without ever thinking of the one thing that spurred his ridiculous thought and the hesitance of pouring it onto you.

“don’t look at me, i’m not snitching.” jimin’s round, disbelieved eyes stares back at taehyung as though surprised the latter would ever think he’d do such a thing.

“okay but someone’s gotta tell her.” taehyung lowly mumbles, upper body turned to jimin, gracing you with his beautiful side profile - whoever gets to date him will forever be the lucky one.

“guys, i’m literally right here.” the sound of your voice warrants a turn of heads and a wide-eyed stare as though they’re seeing your ghost rather than your physical form that entered and picked a spot together with them.

it takes a moment for the elephant to settle somewhere in the corner and crush you with its invisible weight before taehyung turns to you, hand behind his mouth as he fake coughs into it. then, another moment for you to register taehyung’s words as you watch his mouth move and his gaze trained on you like a father teaching his daughter a life-lesson before he lets her out into the world. once his mouth stops moving and a second passes for you to take in the information, only two words leave your lips.

“you trippin’,” with a half-manic smile and brows knitted together, you look almost like you’re made for the asylum- but understandably, your admittance is overdue.

as your heart palpitate inside the confines of your rib cages and the scene from that night replays at the back of your eyes like a broken record - jungkook’s hesitant glance, the windows to his soul shutting tight with hesitance and the teeth that traps his lower lips as though his body is forbidding him to say whatever his heart and mind wanted - as much as it pains you to admit it, the signs were all there.

you just didn’t want to admit it.

that’s what pining over a best friend you’ve known for over a decade does.

the denial that comes after realizing you don’t want anyone else to touch jungkook when im nayoung stood on her tippy toes and pecked jungkook’s lips before running off with a flustered expression - you were both in elementary and jungkook was more into sleepovers with the abundance of plushies you had than hanging with ‘other kids’.

then comes the ugly head of self-loathing and guilt as you fixed park jihyo a smile as jungkook introduced you two. one, as his girlfriend and the other, his best friend.

both, in love with him.

it’s ugly and disgusting, jealousy that is. but you’re uglier for smiling and laughing with jihyo over the things you would with a best friend who’s a girl - there were things you couldn’t share with jungkook as a girl. but you’d let your eyes linger a second too on them as they shared a peck when he’d meet you too in front of the school gate after his extra class was over - you lost count of the times you wished you were her.

you carried the pathetic little mask of a smile to uni. by then, jungkook had broken up with jihyo. there was a lot of tears and consoling and empty words of assurance.

“hey, if you guys are meant to be, you’ll meet again someway somehow.” you’d fixed her an encouraging smile as your heart bloomed with hope for when you’ll get jungkook’s attention all to yourself once you start uni.

getting into the same one had been pure luck.

it didn’t bring you far though. jungkook started gaining attention for his friendly nature and bunny smile that attracted both males and females. it wasn’t long until he’s bringing you to parties where he’d keep you by his side because he knew you didn’t know most of these people. tried to get you involved in the conversation but there was nothing interesting about the dude who drank himself silly and woke up in front of an old lady’s door butt naked or about that girl who woke up a five minutes before class in a city an hour away from where her dorm is.

well, at least, none of them seemed like jungkook’s type. he never had a girlfriend throughout his years in uni though he had plenty of other experiences that makes you wonder what in the world he hasn’t tried yet.

being in a relationship, is probably the only thing he hasn’t done.

jungkook liked kind people. ones that didn’t point at a random person and say an offhanded comment and collectively laugh about it. someone that laughs and smiles a lot because and didn’t have a single bad bone in their body.

liked.

because you don’t know what kind of person jungkook likes now. but you never thought him asking a hypothetical question from what seems like another person's perspective about his lifestyle would be, as taehyung calls it-

“i’m telling you,” he slams a hand on the table, a loud pap! resonating in the air but he doesn’t seem bothered by the pain - if there is any - as his eyes bore into you, “that was jungkook shooting his shot!”

“i don’t know,” you take a sip from the metal straw of your matte black tumbler for the sake of doing something, “it doesn’t feel real but i can kind of see it?”

“take it for what it is, love,” the pull of his eyebrows together couldn’t have been more frustrating, “jungkook has every reason to have the fattest crush on you - i mean look at you, you’re funny, adorable and nicer than all his friends combined.”

jungkook has multiple friend groups he hangs out with. funny how you started out as duos and merged into a quadruplet and ended up being that friend group that jeon jungkook doesn’t really look like he fits in but he’s probably hanging out with you guys from time to time because you’d known each other the longest. or so word has it.

“that’s basically everyone who’s not his friends.” with an eye roll, you wrap your mouth around the straw. this time, for the sake of hiding the smile that threatens to bloom on your face as it is in your heart.

x

and that’s how you find yourself in more than one ‘don’t you dare’ moments. jimin has begun randomly pointing out something about your hair accessory to your clothes to your fucking strawberry printed socks. 

to prove a point, he said.

“hey beautiful,” oh, and he’s resorted to calling you all the adjectives in the world - but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t work in making jungkook’s face scrunch in displeasure for the briefest moment as he glances at jimin as though he’s an adjective away from beating the man into a bloody pulp, “nice shirt.”

despite knowing the comment is every bit staged - and probably doesn’t mean that your minnie and mickey mouse shirt is anywhere compliment-worthy, you still look down at the two mice, one kissing the other on the cheek.

the “uh, thanks,” couldn’t have been more dubious and skeptic.

and so begins jimin’s not-so-secret mission to bring jungkook’s attention to you.

“isn’t the stickers on ___’s mac cute, jungkook?” 

jungkook skims at the grizzly, panda and ice bears scattered across your mac before breaking into a smug smirk, “of course they are, i bought them for ___.”

you can almost hear jimin and taehyung high-fiving on the row behind you just as the professor walks in.

while jungkook seems to oblivious to it all, eyes trained to the display on the on the front, you allow yourself to indulge in the heat that seeps through your pores and warms your heart.

it’s not like jungkook stopped going to parties.

but finals season is almost upon you and he’s been hanging out with you more. sitting next to you in class while jimin and taehyung dozes off at the back. 

“they sleep in class just to spend hours on end studying at the library,” jungkook huffs, eyebrows knitting together adorably as he stresses over your two friends’ stamina for sitting in one place for six hours straight and only needing a bottle of water at their disposal, “i mean, why can’t they just focus in class so they don’t have to study a whole semester’s worth of syllabus in the last minute and drag us into it?”

the six hour mark ended and they’re out getting some snacks for you to secretly munch on until the library closes.

“i mean,” you begin, eyebrows jolting upwards at the more-than-obvious fact he’s supposed to already know, “you technically came here with your own free will, you’re free to leave whenever you want.”

another sigh hits the air as the boy slams his onto the book he has open in front of him, “yeah, but i need to study to pass and i needed you guys to push me,” he laments.

ever since then, there’d been far too many moments of where you’re stuck with jungkook to wait for the two non-time-abiding asses. at first, excuses like ‘sorry we’re late, we were getting mcdonald’s’ or some other poor fast food restaurants’ name that became the patsy, but they started dwindling to ‘oh hey, sorry, we didn’t notice the time’ and eventually a ‘hey, jimin’s got a meeting with a professor and he’s my ride so you guys go first’.

and before you know it, finals pass and you’re visiting your hometown while jungkook stuck around for a part-time job with taehyung whilst jimin drops off the face of the earth after having mentioned that he’s going on a family vacation at some private island with apparently the worst wifi connection ‘like ever.’

the two now-co-workers keep spamming the group chat with pictures of them in their uniforms, holding different drinks which they personally every time. when you’re staying over with your grandmother, it’s your turn to spam pictures of her great black cat who seem to only like sitting in her lap and glaring at you in every picture you take of the two watching tv together. almost as if he had a sixth sense when it comes to cameras.

“when are you coming back?” jungkook grumbles from the other end of line.

you’ve just got a shower and he’s just got home from a night shift. he’s probably haven’t even taken off his jacket yet when he proposed calling you like the sporadic times you both did throughout the break.

“i don’t know. i don’t feel like going back maybe even until the ceremony,” you confess, half-meaning it. the gardening, and saying hello’s to everyone you see while buying groceries because everyone knows everyone here, and the best-tasting cookies your grandma make, and waking up to her cat suffocating you in your sleep, isn’t so bad.

“i’m dying here,” he sighs, sounding more relaxed and probably lying on his bed now, “if i have to insist that i can’t ‘reheat’ coffee and can only make a new one and end up having to hide in the kitchen for five seconds to pretend like there’s a secret microwave only for coffees,” he says all in one breath before letting a suspenseful silence hang in the air and then finally revealing the next big thing he’ll do, “i’m seriously going to spit in their coffee while in the kitchen pretending to reheat it with an invisible microwave.”

the laughter that tumbles out of your mouth is probably ugly and you probably snorted a couple times but jungkook doesn’t seem to notice. or care as he keeps insisting ‘i’m really gonna do it’ whilst you end up laughing until your stomach hurts and tears begin to prick your eyes.

“is this the same regular that like, wants their coffee like super hot?” you finally manage to ask, traces of laughter still threatening to spill from your lips.

“yeah,” his sounds impressed, “how’d you know?”

“tae told me,” you make an incredulous face and shrug even though he can’t see, “you do realize you work at the same place, right?”

“yeah but i never see him talk about it in the group but i probably missed it-”

“oh no,” your hand goes up in a dismissive wave, “we talk on the phone and he told me about it.”

“you guys talk on the phone too?” there’s a strain in his voice, possibly out of surprise.

“yeah, like every day.” you say, tongue subconsciously lapping over your bottom lip.

“oh,” is all he says for the longest moment before chirping out the billion dollar question, “why aren’t we talking every day?”

“i don’t know,” your shoulder line rises, almost swallowing your neck as a war breaks out within yourself, “we did try at the beginning of break but you always had a party to go to so...”

“oh,” this ‘oh’ is a little bit dejected and perhaps hits a little different before he continues, “i don’t go to those anymore.”

this time, it’s your jaw that falls. your voice is small, almost as though cautiously teetering on tightrope as you ask, “...why not?”

“i just didn’t see the point of going anymore you know? once we graduate, i won’t even talk to these people anymore - but i wanna continue being friends with you guys.”

the ‘you guys’ meaning you, taehyung and jimin. the bros. the homies. it’s no secret that he probably sees you all as the same gender, not a guy nor a girl but just friends.

well. it’s not the first time jungkook’s friendzoned you.

“that’s great,” you can’t help but nod even though you know he can’t see you, “i wanna keep being friends with you too, jungkook.”

ever since then, you talk almost everyday. sometimes in three’s and when taehyung had a shift and jungkook got off his, it’d just be the two of you. and for the first time, in ages, it feels as though the ‘best’ in your friendship has somewhat reintroduced itself once more. jimin somewhat manages to get a connection somewhere along the way and the first thing he did was complain about the three digit number in a red bubble in the corner of the message app and then managing to get one picture of him in flowery trunks, and a baby monkey eating a banana perched on his shoulder with the beach in the background before disappearing for the rest of the month until two weeks before the graduation ceremony.

“so like, do you have anyone to pick you up?” jungkook asks from he other end of the line. he sounds more free since it’s the last day of his job.

“yeah,” you announce, attentiveness laced in your tone for your next words might be indicative enough, “my sister.”

“what.” he drags out the word in a disbelieving tone and it’s no secret why he’s doing that- “i haven’t seen you in ages! and you’re going to your sister’s? wait - this isn’t like a permanent thing right? we’ll get to hang out before the ceremony, right?”

it takes you a moment to register the series of questions he bombarded you with and before you know it, the silence has already turned your voice into a small and guilt-ridden, “um, yes and no?”

a groan.

“i haven’t seen seulgi in forever too and she kept nagging me to visit her during break but i never did so now she has like a whole week’s worth of itinerary planned out for us to do before the ceremony,” the excuse trickles out of your mouth hurriedly, “jungkook, i have to do this, or the next time we’ll meet it’s at my funeral and you’ll be talking to my dead carcass before they bury me.”

it takes a moment of anticipating silence before he grumbles out a “fine. but after that, you’re staying over at my place.”

“okay but i mean if we’re having stay over’s wouldn’t tae’s place be better since he has a whole ass apartment for himself?” you’re at that point where you’re discussing stay over arrangements before actually consulting the owner of the place.

“i guess,” his voice is a little lower and smaller but it revives at the mention of the new pizza place that just opened before you decided to invite the other two in the call to make plans to visit there.

when the day finally comes for you to don the royal blue robe and cap, you do so with barely enough grace and composure for someone who’s about to receive her blood sweat and tears on a stage all because you and your sister are - this must be karma for shading taehyung and jimin for being - a bunch of non-time-abiding asses.

the double doors are almost closed as you struggle with not tripping on your high heels whilst trying to keep your hair out of your face.

“where have you been?” you almost didn’t recognize the golden man who tapped you on your shoulder from behind.

“jimin! you made it!” is the first thing you say.

“rich coming from someone who barely got to her seat in time,” he gives you a once over and you’re not quite sure what he sees because your back which he’ll be looking most at is clad is oversized blue robe. but despite that, you reach out to give his hand a squeeze and he takes it with just as a tight, ‘we made it’ kind of squeeze before you turn to the chancellor that’s beginning his speech.

you’re not sure which row jungkook is at or if he even sees you and you read taehyung’s ‘i feel like a proud momma’ text because his major adds another year to his studies than you, jimin and jungkook.

the ceremony goes on without a hitch and you’d like to believe your picture is as perfect as your make up which your sister claims to be ‘out of this world!’ - only because it’s her that did it.

“so you guys talk everyday?” jimin pulls you into him, a smile gracing his beautifully tanned skin as he steals a glance at something behind your shoulders - possibly jungkook whom you saw was being swarmed by his friends to take pictures with.

“yeah, i guess,” you casually say with a shrug.

“it’s true, i was there,” taehyung comes up next to you, replacing jimin’s arms with his in a side hug.

“man, i really wish i witness it all,” jimin grumbles, “but the connection on that island was shitty.”

“i’m sure you connected in different ways,” the taller man adds, a strain in his voice which the shorter doesn’t seem to notice as he try to wave off the belatedly relayed fact that his family is a different kind of family.

like the kind that invites sex workers and other business colleagues alike to enjoy themselves for as long as they wanted, as long as the park family was there.

“okay but how long is he going to take?” jimin quizzes, eyebrows soaring whilst you and taehyung follow his gaze to the growing size of people a few feet away who clearly look like they’re here for a photoshoot than a simple graduation ceremony, “my parents kinda skipped work to see me go on stage and get a piece of paper they paid a lot for so i kinda want to get the family pic done before i go to my second family...”

time doesn’t seem to stop like they do in the movies. it happens all too fast, in fact - jimin’s voice fading into the background, the countdown of the person taking the picture of the group of graduates jungkook’s in starting from three, two, one! and a girl with the prettiest curls that seem to bounce as she turns around and stick her tongue into jungkook’s mouth.

it must have been your uncanny silence that draws the attention of the two boys and a ‘oh shit...’ from one of them - you’re not sure who even though taehyung and jimin has two distinctly sounding voice.

all you’re sure of is the involuntary movements of your feet as they carry you away from the scene. your eyes are dry but that’s probably only because your brain hasn’t registered what exactly happened though deep down, you’re perfectly aware of the fact that those daily calls, the spams of good mornings and randomly sending each other selfies were nothing more than exchanges between two people who were onlu ever connected through a childhood bond that got translated into best friendship just because there was no other name for knowing someone for so long even though you probably stopped being friends first year of college.

“___! wait!” someone calls for you and you wish it so badly to be jungkook but you know better than to expect for the impossible. a modern day fairy tale.

“hey, don’t cry. jungkook’s a fucking dick,” the tall stature that finally caught up to you and trapped you in his arms, whispers. gentle, understanding and pitiful.

it’s not just the comforting warmth, it’s also the hand that’s rubbing your back that you know is probably jimin’s that makes you break out into your first sob. whilst the day isn’t exactly free of tears, those who did shed them did it out of gratitude and a sort of ‘i did it’ kind of relief but not you.

today, your cheeks are marred by the excruciating pain of a heartbreak. you might as well tear your chest open, take out the beating organ and hand it over to jungkook so he could crush them with his own two hands.

maybe it’d hurt less.

somewhere amidst your fit, you choke on your laughter as you catch the two bickering.

“that’s not how you comfort a crying lady, taehyung, what the fuck?” jimin doesn’t hold back with his colorful words.

“what? what did i do?” the taller man sounds all the more confused but still pass you on to the shorter one like a gift basket when a hand pulls you into another pair of arms.

a hand patting your head as jimin murmurs, “there, there, you’re going to be okay, sweetie,” he hugs you just a tad bit tighter as though to say i promise, “you’re young, you’re beautiful and you just graduated with honors. in five years you won’t even remember your little crush for jungcockhead.”

you would have laughed if not for the shadow in your periphery stopping dead in its trek just a few feet away from you and close enough to hear every word jimin uttered in his attempt to placate your rising desire to flee the scene.

“what?” even a simple syllable is enough to tell you who the voice belongs to. perhaps it’s because you’ve heard it in real life and on the phone countless times and countless more during the span where he worked sporadic shifts and you were gardening and getting scratched by your grandmother’s cat that you tried relentlessly to befriend.

“nothing, jungkook.” you wish it was you who said it but it’s jimin who’s hugging you tighter like a mother comforting their heartbroken child, “why don’t you go back to your girlfriend and stick your face where it’s actually wanted?”

almost as though physically slapped in the face.

with a brick.

jungkook’s shoulder line jolts as he flinches, brows knitting together as you can almost see the rewind of the moment your heart gets split in two. she has the prettiest, softest tanned complexion, luscious curls and body that fits the definition of a glowed-up.

he takes one step forward but stops when you shrink into jimin’s arms, almost as though seeking protection. but it takes everything in you not to run to him and make up an excuse about feeling hot and stuffy and that being the reason you left, when the crestfallen expression mars his otherwise ever-smiling features. 

“that wasn’t what you thought it was-” you could almost swear he chokes at the end of his words but the pause is too short to tell, “i left her as soon as i saw you running off.”

“oh my god, cut the bullshit! this isn’t the first time and this won’t be the last. don’t talk to ___, don’t even look at her, douchebag,” the rumble of jimin’s voice vibrates against you as he pokes taehyung in the rib, making the boy cry out in pain.

the assaulted man has half a mind to ask for further instructions when he turns to you and jimin but decides against it, squaring up his shoulders and placing a warning hand, “just leave, man. ___ clearly doesn’t wanna talk to you right now.”

“ever.” jimin half-shouts.

those deep brown eyes search for yours as though holding on the last strand of what you call best friendship - hoping, wishing that it isn’t true. but as soon as they find your puffy eyes, you throw your gaze to the ground, finding the crack in the asphalt in a better state than your heart.

you can only imagine jungkook’s face falling at your refusal to affirm the strength of years’ worth of friendship. because the fact of the matter is, you’re not so sure if you want to keep pretending to be oblivious as he wraps his arms around another person and kiss them like he means it.

x

“___,” the bed dips as you feel the weight of the blanket get yanked off you. seulgi’s sweet peaches perfume filling your senses, “get up, it’s been days since you had an actual meal.”

“i’m not hungry,” you grumble against the pillow just as your stomach starts making the most monstrous sound ever existed in history of mankind.

“yeah right,” she scoffs but her hand on your arm is warm and soothing, “come on, please eat something - i’m saying ‘please’ here and you know i never say ‘please’. people say ‘please’ to me.” 

you can’t help but laugh at that. seulgi’s never truly begged anyone for anything in her entire life. she would have asked once and left you be until you were done moping around over jungkook getting with jihyo. it was after you did get over your first heartbreak, did she get you ice cream and you’d spent the night in her room with fairy lights and forts, watching the notebook.

“don’t let a boy hurt you like that again, ___, promise me.” she held up a pinky, and yours felt like a ton of weight just dropped over you.

in the end, you hooked your pink with hers and made a promise of sisterhood.

but she hadn’t been there when you needed your off days in college when rumors started spreading about jungkook and a different girl every week.

the wounds to your ever bleeding heart don’t heal. but you got used to picking yourself up and you got better at that with that one class you failed, that one presentation you blew, the humiliating mistake you made in front of your supervisor and every time after that. seulgi had her own ways to deal with problems and you had yours - or maybe patching yourself up after a fuck up was more of your forte.

who knows?

“what’s for dinner?”

“really?” at your inquiry, the face you thought would light up like a christmas tree - doesn’t. if anything, she bites her bottom lip just like you just caught her red-handed for doing something you probably won’t like.

“what?” you ask plainly, at this point, you won’t even be surprised if she said the sky is falling.

it’s not.

but her next words are far more foreboding than the end of the world, “look, jungkook came over like he always did everyday since that day and today i wanted him to stop coming for good so i told him if you at least have the energy to get some food, i’d let him see you,” her eyes glimmer with a sort of remorse that you can’t even hold her against.

“then can’t you tell him i still don’t wanna eat?” is what you say, completely unperturbed or rather not registering the fact that your best friend whom you’ve been in love with for as long as you can remember is in your sister’s living room because he probably heard about your hunger strike. 

but the only problem is, he’s not in the living room-

“he’s right outside the room. i told him he can stand there and see for himself how bad he fucked you over so he’ll feel bad enough to leave you alone.” she says in a hurried whisper, eyes glancing to the half-agape door every second.

a spark lights up inside you, like smolders blown by wind and flares into flames, “seriously? you couldn’t talk to me first about it?”

her eyebrows furrow as her mouth opens and closes for a moment before she confesses, “...i didn’t think you’d say yes to lunch.”

“whatever just-” you tear your gaze away from your sister’s involuntary puppy eyes just so you wouldn’t end up clawing them out yourself, “...just go, seulgi.”

for the longest yet briefest moment, the only thing you can hear in the room is your steady breathing. the flame still burns but it doesn’t flare into a raging fireball. and you know full well it probably isn’t easy for jungkook to pass to through the door after having heard how you reacted when you found out he’s just outside.

when he does, he doesn’t even hide the way his doe eyes shine with something you can’t pinpoint as he takes you in. all of you. with your mused, oily hair and three day’s worth of hoodie and puffed eyes.

“hey,” he murmurs ever so softly, the bed dipping where seulgi sat.

you echo the same greeting back but with a hoarser voice compared to his velvet one.

“so, what do you want for dinner?” he begins, cautious eyes finding yours.

“i don’t want it anymore,” is all you say as you shrug casually.

“oh.” he sounds fragile. nothing at all like the self-assured jeon jungkook you’ve come to know.

silence fills the room like a big, blue elephant. seconds stretch on into minutes and you find yourself leaning against the headboard, drawing invisible patterns over the sheets while jungkook-

you don’t know what he’s doing. he could be fiddling with his fingers like how 10-year-old him would whenever you met at your favorite spot after a fight. but you’re both no where near 10 and if there’s any traces of the boy you once called your best friend, it’s probably only his appearance that’s never really changed.

either way, you don’t dare to even steal a glance his way.

“i like you too.”

the words hit the air like a drop of water that vaporized faster than what science dictates it too. you almost thought you were hearing things if not for the way he looks at you. as though waiting for something. anything.

“i...” you trail off before shaking your head, almost as though coming to your senses, “i can’t do this.”

jungkook laughs awkwardly, hand scratching the back of his head, “yeah, i understand - i’m sorry i- i just wanted to make sure you’re fine and then i got carried away- i should leave.”

but before he takes a step towards the door, you call for him, “jungkook, wait.”

“i’m leaving for japan in two days,” you finally let the cat out of the bag.

“what?” comes out a second later - you don’t dare to look up from your hands to see what kind of emotion he’s making.

but he at least deserves an explanation, “for the longest time, i feel fucked up because i get so jealous of the girls that dated you...” taking a deep breath, you continue, “but i know it’s because i think i’m not enough-”

“you are - you’re more than enough,” the interjection is what makes you look up involuntarily, if not to confirm it yourself - the knitted eyebrows and heartbroken gaze proves it and then the sinking realization settles in, “but you don’t believe me.”

you shake your head, a bitter smile on your lips, “i’m not enough for me and that’s something i have to work with.”

“by running away?” his voice rises to the ceiling, confusion and frustration pooling in his eyes.

“by finding myself,” you correct, “you know like how people go to a different country and come back a different person except i’m hoping to find that person.”

“in japan,” he sounds like he’s a word away from hooking you up with a specialist - not that you haven’t thought of one but-

you laugh and he looks at you like he’s stuck in the middle of a never ending maze, “my mom’s planning to visit my aunt in japan and since i’m officially unemployed i guess, i’m tagging along.”

“oh,” his shoulder line sags as he sighs in relief, “so like a vacation.”

it tenses back up when you say, “i might look for a job there.”

“you’re permanently moving to japan?” jungkook’s body seems to be here but his conscience seems to have flown out - probably to japan.

you want to laugh but it doesn’t seem like a proper setting for it. especially when you’re confessing to your crush that you like him but also subtly admitting that he’s partly the reason you’re leaving the life you know for a new one. and you might not even do it willingly.

“i might find a job with a branch company in korea - work there for a year and then transfer here,” you shrug, “i don’t know.”

“i-is this because-” he starts but you shake your head.

“yes and no?” you say, “none of this is your fault but i’m projecting my frustrations onto you and this isn’t healthy... i need- i need to go away for awhile and figure myself out.”

and that’s how jeon jungkook finally comes to the realization that nothing’s been the same. you haven’t been the best friend you prided yourself to be for a long time and that best friend completely disappeared in second year of college after he started spending nights at parties and only lunches with you. until eventually, you’re stuck in a habit - a cycle that you can’t break from until something dramatic or life changing happens.

and so it goes, he sees you off at the airport with taehyung and jimin. unsure of whether they were still friends after they’d deliberately stopped him from running after you on your graduation day, they were the first to approach him. they understood that it’d only be worse if he chased after you but they didn’t hate him - dislike him at times when - as they called it - he was so damn clueless, yes but they didn’t hate him. and that was a relief.

nothing major changed. he moved in with taehyung and jimin and even got a job at the same company as jimin. you went off radar but still kept in contact every once in awhile - it was like that time jimin went to that private island except you had all the reception you needed, just not the time to text as much as you used to.

job hunting was tough and he understood the competition. when you got a job, you were plagued with a newbie’s role, having to do overtimes to finish up work that was piling before they gave you that position.

then one year turned to two and two years turned to three. jungkook became a manager while jimin took up the position as a secretary in their rival company - it’s funny because everyone at the office would shit-talk him and they would make fun of those people as they drink into the night.

jungkook lost contact with most of his party friends - they were great with hooking him up with a potential client but besides that, he was basically living the workaholic life with his two apartment mates as his only source of social interaction outside of work.

from meetings to gatherings to meetings and then private dinners with clients. the cycle goes on until that one evening where arrives at an invites-only event.

“jungkook, come here,” the director gestures him over and because there’s a server blocking his view, he only notices the girl standing in front of his superior, when he’s finally by his side.

“...a hardworker - every project he’s ever handled hits the internet like a boom!” the director was saying.

“ah jungkook,” the man taps him on his shoulder but he can barely feel it when his eyes are trained on you, stunning in that deep toned dress and new hairstyle, “meet ___, you guys will be working on the twin tower project together.”

x

“so you’re back for good?” he asks when you’re finally alone, lingering at the balcony and away from your superior’s eyes.

“not quite - i still have to fly to japan every week,” you shrug casually.

“oh,” he nods.

“you look great by the way,” he adds a moment later, scuffing his foot against the floor.

you can’t help but giggle at how boyish he is, even at the age of 25, he still acts like a child, “thanks - you don’t look half bad yourself.”

he echoes a “thanks” as well before throwing his gaze over the magnificient view of the cityscape. artificial lights from the buildings appear like stagnant fireflies. it’s sad that they’re the reason you can’t see stars anymore.

but fate is too cruel.

because hoseok, your partner is calling you over - a couple of middle aged people standing next to him, smiling that mechanical smile that isn’t any different from your business smile.

“i gotta go,” you sigh but shoot him one last melancholy smile, “i’ll see you this monday?”

“yeah, see you this monday.” jungkook smiles a smile that says he’s not so sure where you stand. colleagues. ex-best friends. acquaintances?

with a wave goodbye, he watches as you strut to the couple, transforming into a woman so sure of every gesture, even a smile and a throw of your head back as you laugh. everything you do, every movement you make is mesmerizing. 

and he knows he’s not the only one who thinks so as he watches your partner gaze at you with eyes that doesn’t seem to see anyone else but you. laughs at something you say as if he’s completely enchanted.

jungkook turns around, hand propped on the railing as he takes a sip of the wine he’s been holding. without realizing it, a smile slips onto his face, he makes a mental note to check your company’s dating policy.

most forbid office romances anyway.

x

note. i’ve had this in the draft for forever! and thought i was never gonna finish this but i somehow got a burst of inspiration yesterday and here we are! hope yall enjoyed!

[mcmcntomorii-later]

Christmas in the past for Leon, had been a rather lonely holiday, he used to remember the old days, when he was alone on the holidays, sometimes friends would come over, and while it was normally an enjoyable visit, after everyone left, it would always be him again. Thankfully, ten years ago, all those lonely holidays finally came to an end when life has graced him with the chance to meet Ito Mukuro, ever since, his life had taken a drastic change in the right direction for Leon, after the failed relationship with Ada Wong (If he could even call it a relationship to begin with) love seemed like something he would never have, until Mukuro came into his life, forever changing his perspective on things, it made him believe, that even someone like him, could find true happiness, and the past ten wonderful years had been solid proof of that.

Leon's work schedule was something that often got into the way, and he hated keeping Mukuro waiting, but when the world was a crazy place, full of several bioterror-maniacs, it was hard to say when he'd be sent into action next. The distance was hard sometimes, but with the coming new year right around the corner, Leon had made plans to ask for a lighter work schedule the moment he'd be heading back to HQ about a week after the holiday breaks end.

With all the hard work he'd done for the DSO over the years, he had a feeling they would be more willing to give him a more lighter work schedule now, the reputation he had at work also helped, so he was confident that they would hear him out, he was tired of being away from Mukuro for months onto more months, and at this age now, Leon preferred to relax more and actually be able to have quality time together with Mukuro, no matter what, he was going to ensure that the two of them would be together more often, that was a promise.

To show his appreciation for all the love she had given him throughout the decade, even when they were apart, during the most difficult times, she still stayed with him, waited for him every single time he got called into action, a woman like her, who would remain by her husbands side even with a very hectic work schedule that kept him away much too often, still, Mukuro was always there, he couldn't be any happier to have such a truly phenomenal woman in his life, he felt like the luckiest man alive, she was the bright star to his night sky, the ying to his yang, and most importantly, the heart to his soul.

Leon had taken the liberty of placing an order for her gift ahead of time about two weeks an advance to Christmas so it would arrive on the day before, and when he got the call, he picked it up on his lunch break, keeping the gift well hidden until tonight. After their dinner, the couple had watched a movie and just enjoyed spending the holiday evening together. Once the clock struck midnight, Leon removed his arm from around Mukuro, softly telling her to give him a sec as he got up from the couch, disappearing behind the bedroom door for about three to five minutes before stepping out with something clasp in his right hand. Taking a seat on the couch, he joins Mukuro's side again, blue eyes staring deeply into her beautiful golden eyes.

[{ ☣ }] - "Hold out your hand Mukuro, got somethin' for you." The moment she holds out her hand, he places in her hand a medium-small-sized black jewelry box with elegant designs on the cover, Inside the box was a Ruby Diamond Square Pendant Necklace that came with two Diamond Square Dangle Earrings.

Upon a closer inspection on the Ruby Pendant, she would be able to see an engraving on the Ruby itself. it read: Leon & Mukuro Always & Forever

[{ ☣ }] - "I love you Mu-Mu, and Merry Christmas." Giving her a warm smile, eyes still staring into hers, he leans in, locking lips with her, savoring the moment, and this very special kiss.

@chxckandmxte

If Mukuro was honest about things, she wouldn't have imagined she would have lived this long, she never imagined that she would be in a ten year long relationship with someone, let alone be married too, but here she was。 Holidays were always something that Mukuro had dreaded before now, having typically spent them alone or with a very brief one-night stand。 Which was tragic considering how much Mukuro loves Christmas and this time of year。

But now, Mukuro was in a much happier place in her life。 Married to someone she loves deeply and that loves her back just as much。

Despite typically not being a very patient person, Mukuro was really only patient when it came to Leon's hectic schedule。 She'll have the occasional complaint of course, but overall she'll always wait for him to return。

After a great meal, Mukuro cozily tucked herself against his side as they watched a movie。 Once the film had ended and Mukuro was going to ask if they wanted to watch another film or if he had something else in mind, when he stated that to give him a sec, she assumed he was running off to the bathroom and didn't think much of it until he returned with something in his hand。

There was a questioning look as she watched him return to his spot on the couch。 Were they not already married, Mukuro would have thought that what he had in his hand was a ring。 When he instructed to hold out her hand, Mukuro nodded and did just that。

There was a soft gasp when she opened up the jewelry box he had placed in her hand。 Mukuro would have a gentle hand as she took out the pieces of jewelry to look them over, her eyes tearing up with happiness as she read over the engraving。

「Oh Leon~ It's fantastic, thank you so much~」 Mukuro said with a bright smile, 「I love you too, Merry Christmas,」 she adds in a soft whisper just before their lips touched。

【 christmas asks 】 ♡ 【 tentatively accepting 】