#evan is the same way in that scenario

[hamletshoeratio]

The difference in how Hen and Eddie's cheating is treated/being treated by the fandom v how Buck's is... I wonder why...

[moonsuke]

o yea it was a hiroyuki sawano loop day as expected

change of plans to just watching all the animes he composed for next

[ellecdc]

Evan's little freak (affectionate)

prompt: There's something oddly comforting to me about how if I was freaking out about something and they were in their blitzed out state they'd help me calm down while sort of thinking I was a weird freak. - @moonstruckme

poly!rosekiller x fem!reader who is having some sort of mental breakdown [1k words]

CW: reader is having a quasi-panic attack, rosekiller do their best to help but they truly Don't Get It™, they think she's weird but love her anyway

Evan found himself very much unprepared and ill equipped to handle this right now. 

You’d come flying into the flat in a tizzy rambling on and on about some great injustice or upheaval in your life at a million miles an hour without hardly even sparing him or Barty a glance. 

Granted, the second blunt may have been a little much, but he generally did not know how to handle big emotions. The horrified and uncomfortable expression that Barty was wearing told Evan that he, at least, felt the same. Neither boy grew up exactly encouraged to feel their feelings out loud; pushing down all upset didn’t exactly lend itself well to empathy and compassion.

He wondered if he was simply imagining the heavy smoke in the room or if you were just oblivious to it; either way, you were clearly not on the same level as the two boys.

He’d come to the conclusion about two and a half minutes into your tangent that no one was dead or dying, and when he deduced that those were the only scenarios worth this amount of anxiety, he more or less sort of tuned you out; only registering the panicky quality of your voice.

Barty had tried calling your name a few times which only seemed to spur you on and cause Barty to look over at him in a bemused sort of concern. “What the fuck? Are you seeing this?” Barty seemed to be asking. 

I am seeing this, what the fuck, indeed.

“Sugar,” Evan tried in his most authoritative tone, hoping to hell that his words didn’t sound as slow and languid as the felt on his tongue, “you need to settle down.”

That had, apparently, been the wrong thing to say if the way you turned your body towards him with wild eyes and nearly shaking hands meant anything. 

“I can’t!” You shrieked, causing Barty to actually wince at the pitch your voice took. 

“But…why not?” Barty asked cautiously, and you burst into tears.

“Fuck me.” Evan groaned under his breath as he stamped out the end of his blunt; he was clearly done for the day. “Alright, hold on. Let me get my shit together so I can talk some sense into you. Calm down.” 

“I can’t.” You keened, Evan tsked at you. 

“Jesus Christ, you’re wild today.” He commented as he flung open the windows. Barty was already in the kitchen grabbing bottles of water and some snacks; following proper sober up protocol. 

Evan took the time to actually move the ashtray to the opposite side of the room, hoping to have as clear a head as he possibly could to deal with his wound tight little minx. Ruining his high by being all adorable and weird.  You were lucky you were so cute. 

“Treasure, you need to go sit down.” Barty murmured then as you seemed to be frozen in some sort of panicky fright in the centre of the kitchen. “Or maybe light up for a minute…” He added sarcastically under his breath. Unfortunately for Evan, you heard him.

“I can’t do that, Barty! I get paranoid!”

“As opposed to whatever you are right now?” Barty asked incredulously then, and you let out a gut wrenching sob. 

“Okay! Okay, fuckin’ hell. Come here.” Evan called as he sat back down in his chair and beckoned you forward with one impatient hand. 

“This is too much, Sugar.” He chided as he pulled you down onto his lap. “You’re going to make yourself sick.” 

“But-”

“Enough; your only job is to breathe right now, got it?” 

You sucked in a shuddering breath as you nodded; eyes squeezed shut, forcing a steady stream of tears down your cheeks. You looked pitiful. 

“He didn’t say to hold your breath.” Barty commented gently as he sat on an ottoman in front of Evan’s chair and tried to hand each of you a bottle of water - Evan took both. But the breath that escaped your lips was forceful and left you panting for more. “Oi! Not like that, hey. Deeper breaths, Tres.”

“Y/N. Relax, doll. Relax. You’re fine.” Evan chided; his hand resting on your lower back and his thumb drawing circles at the space between the top of your jeans and the bottom of your shirt gave way to skin.

The flat fell quiet save for the sound of your breathing - at first shuddering, then practised and intentional, and finally settling into a more natural cadence - as Evan drew lines up and down your back with one hand and drew circles with his thumb on your knee with the other, and Barty fiddled distractedly with your fingers. 

“I’m sorry.” You whimpered eventually, and both Evan and Barty let out sighs of relief. 

“That was fucking wild, Treasure. Absolutely deranged.” Barty scolded playfully, pulling your fingers to his lips for a kiss.

“Scared the shit out of me, Sugar. I thought someone was dying.” 

“I didn’t mean to worry you…” you offered shyly, shoulders curling in on yourself as if you sort of wanted to disappear. Evan pulled you roughly into his chest and stamped a kiss to your forehead. 

“I’m always worried about you, weird little freak.”

“I’m gonna need like, five more blunts after that. Do I have grey hairs? I feel like I have grey hair now. You’re ageing me, Treasure. You’re sending me to an early grave.” Though you clearly accepted Barty’s teasing for what it was when you returned his kiss fervently. 

“No more blunts.” Evan called as Barty moved to put on a record. “Next time she comes in like a bat out of hell, I would like to have our wits about us. Hm? Give us a fighting chance.” 

“So we’re rawdogging our way through life from now on? Alright, Ev; but if I start having meltdowns like our perfect little freak over there, you’ll have no one to blame but yourself!” 

“....Maybe one blunt a day?” Evan asked you when Barty disappeared around the corner; murmuring the question into the slightly damp hairs at your temple.

“Maybe so.” You agreed with a tired chuckle turned sigh. He couldn’t blame you; if he was tired after all of that, you must be exhausted.

[kinardsboy]

This has been sitting on my mind a lot lately but it seems extra relevant now with the way Tommy and by extension Lou has been criticized for acting “too gay” in ep 5. And while yes, I will agree Tommy acted slightly different in ep 5, it has absolutely everything to do with Lou’s incredible acting choices to play Tommy differently when he is around people he deems as “safe” which is much better explained in this amazing post here <-

All these complains are doing is just yet again exposing buddies as homophobes who are, at the end of the day. Uncomfortable with real queerness being shown infront of them. Of course we already knew this with how they react to Buck and Tommy kissing and god forbid flirting especially if it has sexual implications like the daddy kink scene.

They can’t possibly fathom their precious uwu baby Buck would be sexual with another man so they spin and twist it however they can to make it out to be, “NO! You see! Tommy started the flirting! Tommy is just an insatiable horny gay man! He only wants sex! Like most of them do!”

Which is again spewing homophobic rhetoric, who wouldve guessed thats what they immediately turn to?

I now have something probably controversial to say but oh well, im going to say it anyway.

A good many of these shippers would be deeply uncomfortable with Buddie actually becoming canon, because they would be nothing like their fanfic. They don’t want to see two men in a relationship, they want to see Eddie in a relationship with the character they project themselves onto.

There are so many examples of this but perhaps the biggest being the way Buck is made out to be the “woman” in the relationship and especially how he is made to be the “mom”

Buck and Tommy’s relationship 1st does not have any children involved so there are no gendered roles to be assigned (even though if there was.. theyd just both be a dad), they are both beefy and the same height, which is what people usually use to decide “top” and “bottom” but again since there is little physical difference between them, they cannot do this, which only adds to their uncomfortableness.

Furthermore, I would go as far to say that Buddie shippers dont actually like Buck.

A while back a shipper posted this analysis of Buddie, that essentially reduces Buck to a dog. A pet. Only to be let out of the bedroom to cook and take care of Chris, otherwise he’s meant only for Eddie’s pleasure.

Which, disgusting. But the thing that stood out most to me was how Tommy was criticized for

letting Buck be himself. For accepting and loving him flaws and all. For not trying to change anything, or “train” the bad out of him

While Eddie was the “trainer” in that scenario, that had to train the bad out of Buck in order for him to be acceptable.

And thats the funny thing isnt it? Buddie shippers have to completely warp and destroy Buck’s character to make him fit their mold of perfect partner for Eddie. They make him out to be this helpless person who can’t even tell Tommy he doesnt want to be called Evan, that needs rescuing from Tommy, that is a “mother figure” to Chris, that his “dream role” would be live in chef and maid for the diaz family..

When none of that is Buck.

Buck is a smart, independent and strong man. He has worked tirelessly on himself to know who he is and what he wants, which right now? Is with Tommy.

Bringing it back to my main point, their complaints of Tommy being more gay and Bucktommy intimacy ultimately just boil down to homophobia plain and simple, seeing real queer representation and not representation that they can specifically twist and cater to themselves through fic, headcanons or gifs, makes them uncomfortable

(could this be why so many of them ignore shows with canon m/m ships for favor of shows with fanon ones that will never actually happen? So they can make these demands for representation then shit on it as soon as they get it because its not fanfic? Its not their fetish specifically catered to them? It actually represents real life queer men who they don’t actually like?)

[yelenasbraid]

always a winner — joe burrow

summary — you’re at an away show and can’t make it to the game against the ravens. with the frustration of the loss, joe can’t help but be upset.

warnings — fem!equestrian!reader, major angst, arguments, fluff, sad joe, self-degradation talk

note — look 😭 i’m sorry for the horse lore, i got a bit crazy with it (kind of self indulgent since i used to ride horses lol) but i hope it’s not too crazy for you! if it is sorry in advance!!!

YOU HAD TO BE CAREFUL to not let the silence scare you. the anticipation that sat in the air, eyes moving with the horses in front of them.

horse shows were both quiet and loud at the same time. the rounds themselves were quiet, all attention on the team below them. it was also because anything could spook a horse and derail the entire thing.

you liked the silence. it allowed you to think, to process the steps ahead of you. as you cleared another jump, you were 15 seconds away from snatching first place. as you rounded a corner, pushing your horse towards the final jump, you felt every move you made. your hips flexing, your thighs wrapping around your horse, your hands making room for your horse’s movements as you soared over the last jump.

“with a time of 1.15, y/n l/n snatches the first place slot,” the announcer speaks over the loudspeaker, cheers erupting from the crowd. you pumped your fist in the air, bringing it down to pat your horse. as you galloped around, wearing a bright smile, your thoughts wondered to your boyfriend, who played barely an hour away from where you were.

flashback

“oh, come on, i think you’re being a little dramatic,” you laughed on the phone, packing your riding gear up. joe was in his hotel room, prepping for the game that evening.

“i am not! i feel like a part of me is missing when you’re not here,” joe pouted, and you could hear the pout on the other side of the screen. you didn’t understand why players had to be in hotel rooms even when games were at home, but it was routine. you and joe were used to it.

“i wish i could be there,” you hummed, falling on your back onto your bed. you would leave for your show in about an hour, and by that time, joe would be getting on the field.

“me too, but you’re gonna do great. i want to hear all about it,” he smiled. he needed you there, though. he felt the loss in his chest, the ache of it all spreading across his body.

“oh you are,” you assured him. silence bred between you, unspoken words and topics fizzling into vision.

“on a serious note, joey, no matter what happens out there, i’m proud of you, ok? you’ve come so far, have done so well, and i am so so proud of you,” you reminded him. you knew that this season hasn’t been what joe wanted. the losses, the one win, he needed a win against the ravens.

“thank you, love. that means a lot,” he hummed. you were always in his corner, supporting him in the small and big ways. he just wished you were there.

end of flashback

you walked out, cheeks flushed and a proud smile on your face. a bright, blue ribbon was pinned on your horse’s bridle as you walked out. your coach came up and patted your horse’s neck.

“see what happens when i tell you to trust your gut?” she playfully smacked your thigh, causing you to let out a puff of air.

“yeah yeah,” you joked. your eyes met your friend’s, who came up to you with your phone in hand. you told her to keep tabs on the game for you, even though you’d watch highlights on the way home.

“it’s not good,” she started, which was a terrible start. your smile dropped, your heart rate increased, and the worst case scenarios started bombarding you. was it joe? is he ok? is he hurt? please tell me he’s not hurt.

“what is it?” you asked, dismounting. you held your reins in your hands as you looked at the score. 38-41. you were in disbelief. when you checked before your ride, they were in the lead. a good lead too, what happened?

your friend seemed to read your mind.

“evan missed the kick because the holder slipped his grip on the ball in overtime,” she answered. overtime? they went into overtime? you closed your eyes, pursing your lips. sorrow seeped into the cracks in your chest, bleeding down into your soul. you opened your eyes, fighting the tears that stung you. not here. people are going to ask.

you handed your horse to your coach, taking your phone from your friend. you knew joe was beating himself up. you knew he was going over every play, every single thing that went wrong. you knew that he was angry. he had every right to be. you couldn’t even begin to imagine what he was thinking, the defeat, the pain, all of it. he worked so hard to get where he was, and to lose 4 games didn’t prove to the world joe burrow was back. you saw beyond that stat, though. you saw other numbers, like his passing yards exceeded that of mahomes and lamar. you saw his dedication, his work ethic, and his commitment to the sport and his health. you were so beyond proud of him, but you knew that he wasn’t feeling any of that right now.

—

the show packed up from there. horses were loaded, saddles were put away, and you changed into something more comfortable. you sit in the passenger seat of the truck, your coach driving you home. she picked you up, explaining that she didn’t want you to have to drive home.

it was sweet, and it also meant you got to see joe faster.

the truck comes to a stop in your driveway, and you can see lights on in the house. joe was home. of course he was, the game ended around 4 pm, and it was now 6. you gathered your things before stepping out, thanking your coach for the ride. you huffed, walking up to your door, trying to be as quiet as possible.

game day joe was unpredictable. if he won, he was in a great mood, and you usually celebrate in more ways than one. when he lost, he hid himself away, lost himself in film and away from you.

you’ve mentioned it, and he’s worked on it, but it was hard for him to be close to someone else when he didn’t even want to be around himself. you just wanted to be there for him, to hold him and reassure him that he was still good, that you were still proud of him.

you walked in the door, the silence of the house deafening. you softly shut the door, locking it behind you as you walked into your home. it was cozy. blankets were neatly folded across the couch and folded in the basket, pictures hung on the wall, and small items of decor that had joe and y/n etched all over it. it was home, but you couldn’t ignore the forgotten water bottle on the island or the strewn shoes by the door. you flicked your eyes upwards when you heard shifting, signs of life from your boyfriend.

“babe?” you called, slipping off your shoes and neatly placing them by the door. you walked into the kitchen, dropped your bag in order to fill up your water bottle. you heard footsteps, and then descending steps. you turned to see your boyfriend walk into view. he looked exhausted. his face was sullen, eyes void of any light, and his hands hung loosely at his sides. his hair was wet; signs of a shower.

“how was it?” he asked. his voice was hoarse, and if he was honest, he didn’t want to talk. he wanted to be left alone, but at the same time he needed to see you. you weren’t at the game, you didn’t see him after he walked into the tunnel, or after the presser. no matter how often it happened, he was never used to it. why weren’t you there?

“it was good, stayed on and was safe,” you answered. telling him you won first place didn’t seem appropriate, but you knew he’d ask.

“did you place?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the wall. he knew you did, you always did. unlike him, you managed to win at your sport.

“i did,” you started, your eyes flicking over his form. he looked small, and not in the physical sense, in the emotional sense. he barely held eye contact with you, but he was standing there, with you. he looked like a little boy, dressed in a loose fitting black shirt and sweats. his expression was hard, his nose red and cheeks raw.

he nodded and turned away from you, starting back up the stairs.

“joe,” you called after him. his heart jumped in his chest; he didn’t want to talk about it.

“i don’t want to talk, y/n,” he told you, a little harsher than he intended.

“don’t distance yourself from me, please,” you stepped towards him, and he went rigid. you stopped, watching as he turned to face you, his eyes now full of emotions. anger, guilt, sadness.

“you’re telling me that?” he snapped. he didn’t want to do this, he didn’t want to go there. you didn’t deserve it. you were right, and he begged himself to stop.

“what?” your voice is small, confused.

“you’re the one who told me a week ago she was going to be at the game, you’re the one who spent all of her time at the barn this week, you’re the one who’s avoided me,” everything is crashing down on him, the loss, his failure, his undeniable need for you.

“i don’t go to the barn to avoid you, joey. you know that,” you reminded him, trying to keep some semblance of peace. his emotions were running rampant, and he was trying to control them.

“you’re there for hours, you’re not home when i get home, and i’ve ate dinner by myself for a few days this week,” he feels the familiar sting of tears in his eyes, the clench in his chest. joe knows you’re there for hours, and he’s never voiced having an issue with it. joe knew that he sounded like he didn’t make much sense, but nothing was making sense for him.

“joe, what-”

“you weren’t there! you weren’t there and i needed you there,” his voice raised, standing a few feet in front of you.

“joe, with my schedule and yours i can’t be at every game! i thought we were in agreement with this,” you defended. you watched as his face shattered, the wall coming down, the realization settling in. he thought he’d be winning by now, at least 2-3, but he wasn’t.

“but i needed you,” he whispered, but his anger was still present. he wasn’t angry at you, he didn’t blame you, but his anger at himself manifested into it being towards you. a single tear slipped down his cheek, his eyes red with the threat of more.

the silence between you was poison, seeping into your pores and creating the sour cocktail of anxiety. your eyes never left joe’s body, watching the rise and fall of his chest, the unshed tears, and the shattered look in his eyes.

you should’ve been there.

“i’m sorry i wasn’t there,” you started, fiddling with your fingers. joe shook his head, wiping his eyes and his nose.

“it doesn’t change anything,” he snapped.

“i know it doesn’t, but i can’t control my schedule, just like you can’t,” you told him. he knew you were right. he knew how it worked, yet his emotions betrayed him. that’s not really how it works. she just wants to have an excuse to not see you embarrass yourself.

he looked at you, his eyes puffy and red. his arms ached, desperate to be around you. his heart raced, chest heaving with every inhale and exhale. the more he met eyes with you, the more his body relaxed. he swam in your expression, the softness of it but also the sternness of it. you’d defend yourself even if he was being unreasonable. his hands hung at his sides, his chest still tight.

he needed you, and you were here. now.

you gingerly approached him, watching as his head dipped to avoid eye contact with you. his chest heaved, his breaths clawing at his eyes; don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry. your hand gently rested on his cheek, guiding him to look at you. his eyes met yours, and his heart lurched. he didn’t want to sob, but he couldn’t help it. a sob escaped his throat, and you pulled him for a hug. you cradled the back of his neck, fingers caressing his skin as he buried his face into your shoulder, tears cascading down his raw cheeks.

joe hated arguing with you. he hated it even more when he was the one to start it. joe knew you worked hard, he knew that your commitment to your sport matched his own, but with how vulnerable he felt, he just needed his safety blanket. he needed you to help put his pieces back together, to remind him of who he was. as his arms held onto you, keeping you close to his body, he felt his breathing settle and his heart rate slow.

after a few moments, joe pulled away, wiping the remaining tears from his eyes. when you first started dating, joe didn’t cry in front of you. he didn’t want you to think he was weak, or that he wasn’t able to handle the load. as time went on, you became the only person besides his parents he’d cry to. he felt safe with you, he felt like he could give you his emotions and you’d take care of them.

your hands cupped his cheeks, one of his hands resting on yours.

“i’m sorry,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. your shoulders sagged, a small smile gracing your lips.

“i forgive you,” you hummed, brushing an escaped tear from his eye.

“i know we’ve talked about it,” he sniffled, “and i have gotten better at letting you in, but it’s not always easy,” he confessed. you knew that, it wasn’t human nature to confess your deepest feelings, even to those closest to you. it was a protective measure.

“it’s not going to be easy, but the important thing is that you try,” you spoke softly, your hands falling from his cheeks.

“i want to win,” he whispered, his eyes glazing over with fresh tears, “i want to win so badly, for the team, for cincinnati, for you,” he continued, his voice breaking.

“and you will, trust me. you will win, even if you’re already a winner in my eyes,” you tagged a lighter tone to your words, which caused joe to break out a small smile. silence fell between you, unspoken words oozing out of joe’s skin.

“i am proud of you, i always will be, but i do want to bring home wins too,” he added. you chuckled, grabbing his hands and rubbing your thumbs over his knuckles.

“who has the trophy in the basement?” you joked, earning a chuckle from joe, “in all seriousness, you are going to bring home wins. we win together, not separately. when you win, i win. we do this together,” you gave his hands a squeeze, earning a bright smile from him. you leaned up and pecked his lips, then his forehead.

“i am proud of you, joe. every step you’ve taken, every yard you’ve thrown, i am beyond proud of you,” your words sunk into his skin, reminding him of who he was. he was joe burrow, joe sheisty, the quarterback that brought the bengals back to life.

“i love you,” he whispered, resting his forehead against yours.

“i love you,” you hummed. the warm moment was interrupted by the growling of joe’s stomach. you laughed, jokingly patting his stomach.

“is someone hungry?” you chuckle, pulling your head away from his. he laughed, nodding his head.

“i’ve not eaten dinner yet,” he confessed, earning a smack on the arm.

“joseph lee!” you scolded with a smile, “as much as you speak on eating healthy, you need to practice what you preach,” you teased as you walked into the kitchen. joe followed, watching as you opened the fridge. you had leftovers from the previous night, so you pulled those out.

“i do! most of the time,” he rebutted as he watched you place food on plates. as you stuck one in the oven, he wrapped his arms around you again. he melted into you, all 6’4 of him. you ran your hand down his back, then back up to his hair to run your fingers through his frosted tips. the microwave beeped, separating you two.

“we should watch a movie,” joe suggested as you put the second plate in.

“like old times?” you smiled, remembering the movie nights in college.

“yeah, except i won’t commentate,” he assured you. both of you were bad at it, especially marvel movies, which made it amazing when you two watched movies together. with friends? oh it was terrible.

“i’ll believe that when i see it,” you replied. with your plates of food, you walked over and sat on the couch, turning on a movie. joe sat next to you, leaning his shoulder on you. you didn’t mind how clingy he was, you embraced it. you sat, ate dinner, and watched a movie. a comforting and familiar experience.

with dinner done, plates on the coffee table, the movie still going on, joe nestled himself against your chest. his cheek against your chest, listening to your stead heartbeat, it was putting him to sleep. your hands combing through his hair didn’t help either. joe eventually fell asleep, his face tucked away in your shirt and his arms around you. you kissed the top of his head, a smile on your face.

“sweet dreams, my love,”

rushed ending so sorry about that! i will say though, as work picks up for me i might not be writing as much. there’s also some other stuff going on too so that’s fun 🤪 so i will post when i can! hope you guys enjoy the writing before i get burnt out lol.

tags — @wickedfun9

[apdreadful]

I’ve decided that from here forward I’m writing Tommy and Buck/Evan as long term canon. In the words of Buck himself “Who cares?!”

I get the feeling that Tommy is difficult to get really angry. Mostly based on his past. And his general roll with the punches attitude thus far. So I don’t foresee a lot of strife or fighting in his future with Buck. Except the first time Tommy experiences the after of that big marshmallow Evan Buckley doing something really dangerous and reckless..again.

And Tommy who never gets angry, who never shouts at Buck, who flew a helicopter into a goddamn hurricane in the middle of the ocean, really loses his shit this time because Buck cannot understand why Tommy is so upset that he dropped into a dangerous situation against orders AGAIN.

Tommy pinches the bridge of his nose to keep from shouting “Bobby told you not to go in. He told you not to risk it. That the floors were too unstable”

“There could have been someone left” Buck replies “Someone needed to check. It had to be me”

“Why? Because you’re fucking super human? The great Buck Buckley from the 118 who scoffs at danger, has survived a tsunami, getting trapped beneath a fire truck, throwing a blood clot, and was officially dead for three minutes after getting struck by FUCKING LIGHTNING!”

“How do you know about all of that?”

“That isn’t what matters”

“I think it is” Buck takes a step toward Tommy “Have you been stalking me babe?”

Noticing the mischievous smile Tommy shakes his head “Oh no no no. You are not going to adorable your way out of this”

Bucks shoulders sag and he sighs “I’m ok Tommy. Not even a scratch”

“I can see that” Tommy lets out a deep exhale “I understand the risks of the job. I’m not like your exes who would get all distraught over you removing a cat from a tree. But for fucks sake, you are worse than the EOD guys when I was in Afghanistan with the walking - or in your case running or jumping- right into the worst case scenario with no thought of your own safety” Rubbing his forehead he continues “Evan. You’ve got a savior complex and it’s noble and selfless..”

Buck cuts him off “It’s not a savior complex. I’m not stupid. I understand that sometimes no matter what you do you can’t save them. But sometimes maybe you can, and in those cases, I just make the most sense”

Tommy crosses his arms to keep from strangling him or kissing him stupid again to shut him up “How is that? How does you possibly dying make any sense?”

“They all have people that need them. They all have someone they belong to and..” he trails off with a small shrug

And Tommy hears the words he doesn’t say. He is…expendable. And just like that all of the anger drains out of Tommy to be replaced by a something else. “Evan” he says softly.

“I know” Buck interjects “I know that people love me and they would be sad, especially Maddie. And I don’t want to die. But I don’t want someone who has someone they need, and that needs them, to die either. I couldn’t live with that”

Tommy closes his eyes. This man..How can he be so adorable and selfless, yet so completely stubborn and a pain in the ass about his own safety?

Once he calms his thoughts and finds the words he wants to say, he opens his eyes to see Evan looking at him calmly. Like he expects Tommy to see the sense in what he said.

“Evan. I know we haven’t really put a label on this. On us. But that’s because I don’t want to pressure you. I’m the first man you’ve been with and you’re still figuring out who you are, and I understand that. But let me clarify something for you. I need you to come back to me. Ok?”

Buck blinks “Huh”

“I need you to come back to me” he repeats “Like Bobby needs Athena, and Karen needs Hen, and yes like Maddie needs Chimney.

“And Jee-un. Jee-yun needs her dad”

“Yes, and in that same vein, Christopher needs Eddie” he agrees, trying not to give in to his exasperation. “I need you. I am that person who needs you to come home Evan”

Evan stops whatever he was about to say. Startled awareness creeping into his eyes..Tommy sees a mix of emotions flit across his face. Surprise, joy, fear, everything just races across that expressive face and then Evan sinks onto the barstool at his kitchen island. His hands coming up to cover his face.

Tommy’s stomach clench’s. He pushed too hard, too soon “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I do care and want you to come home but..”

Buck looks up at him “Don’t you dare take that back”

“I’m not taking it back. I just don’t want to push you”

Something else crosses Evans face at that..but he tugged at his bottom lip with his teeth. “You aren’t pushing. You aren’t pressuring me. I am in this just as much as you. I just don’t know how to say what I want to say without it sounding lame and emo as shit”

“Did you just hear me? You can say anything to me Evan. Whatever it is”

Buck rolls his bottom lip between his teeth again. “I’ve never questioned why I do this…I mean it’s the whole reason I was born. To save my brother. To save Daniel. That’s what I do, that’s who I am. It’s why I became a firefighter. To be the one who saves people. The 118 is my family. And I would do anything to protect them from harm”

“I’m not asking you to stop. I would never ask that. I just want to remind you that you matter to a lot of people, and you also have someone who is waiting for you”

Bucks voice is thick “I know that. I get that. But…Nobody has ever. I have never belonged to anyone, like that”

In a sense of deja vu Tommy closes the short distance to Buck. Tipping his face up, he kisses him. Not soft and gentle like their first kiss in this kitchen. But bold and deep. Branding Evan with his mouth. Pulling back he says fiercely “You belong to me like that. For as long as you want..you belong to me and I belong to you, like that”

“I will ALWAYS need you to come back to me Evan”

ao3 like per request

[elihermit]

Evan Buckley x female reader

His girlfriend gets into a car crash and he has to try and save her, he goes to the hospital with her and waits by her bedside for her to wake up. She ends up being paralysed from the waist down and when she wakes up and finds out she struggles to cope with it, she has physical therapy to try to regain her strength but she gets upset so buck tries to comfort her and helps her through it, when they get out of hospital he knows this is their new normal and he is positive and tries to support her. Please include lots of angst and fluff 🥹🫶 thank you xx

eternal sunshine

pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley x fem!reader

summary: After a serious car crash, your lower body is paralyzed. You find it very hard to cope with, but Buck is not going to give up on you. Can you accept it?

word count: 2,4k

author’s note: thanks to an anon for this request, that’s a very special fic indeed, I hope you like it!

p.s. requests are open🫧

“(Y/N), I need you to stay awake. Please try for me, darling.” — you can hear Hen's voice, but it sounds like an echo. It's hard for you to stay conscious, you're gathering all your strength not to fall asleep, even though it sounds very tempting.

“Hen, I don’t feel my legs.” — panic rises in your throat, you feel sick. “Where’s Buck?”

Buck didn't have a shift today, but you were glad that familiar faces came to your rescue. You could trust them and not be afraid if something went wrong.

“We already called him, (Y/N), he’s on his way.” — at the same time, they took you out of that damn car and put you on a stretcher. You still couldn't feel your legs, but honestly, you couldn't feel your whole body. You were so afraid that fear paralyzed you. It’s probably normal.

You were carried to the ambulance, you felt that a couple more minutes and you would pass out. But you need to at least wait for Buck, he'll be so worried if he finds you unconscious.

“(Y/N)!” — you heard Buck's worried voice and felt his touch on your arm. He made it.

“Hey baby, I’m oka-“ — you couldn't finish the sentence, fatigue and fear took over and you blacked out.

You open your eyes already in the hospital. The bright light blinds your eyes and makes your head hurt even more. You didn't know how long you were lying like that, but your body was very numb.

“Hi, my love, welcome back.” — you hear Buck’s voice and turn your head in his direction. He's smiling at you, but his red and puffy eyes said he was crying.

You smile back at him and take his hand. You're just glad that it's finally over and you can recover. You close your eyes for a couple of seconds and exhale. You got out of this alive.

You open your eyes and the smile leaves your lips. You try to move your legs, but nothing works, you don't feel the whole lower part of your body. Panic engulfs your lungs and you start breathing faster.

“Buck, I can’t move my legs.” — your voice breaks and tears fill your eyes. You knew it was a bad sign when you were still at the scene of the accident.

“Shh, baby, you’re fine, breathe with me.” — Buck looks at you with a smile and tries to calm you down.

“I don’t need to breathe, tell me what’s going on.”

He looks at you and goes silent. He had hundreds of scenarios in his head about how he would tell you about it, but seeing how scared and confused you are, he just can't pronounce these words. He doesn't want to disappoint you.

But you didn't need to hear any words, everything was written on his face and it hurt more than any physical pain. A cry came out of your mouth. A terrible cry that turned into a scream. All the pain and all the resentment against yourself for getting in the car that damn day was reflected in this crying. Your whole body was shaking from how much you were crying. You were screaming. Buck pulled you into his arms and just held you. He's never seen you so lost and devastated, but he kept saying you weren't alone.

“Buck, what am I going to do? What are we going to do?” — you were able to tell between sobs.

You felt like you were suffocating and it was all becoming hysterical. Nothing will be the same as before. You'll be a burden, you won't be able to give Buck what you could have given him if you hadn't been paralyzed. Your life will be limited.

“We’re gonna fight, baby. And we will go through this as we have gone through all the difficulties before, okay?” — you shook your head in disagreement and turned away from him.

You can't look into Buck's eyes. You cannot accept that you will change not only your life, but also his. You would like to say that you are ready to fight, but you are not. You weren't ready for this and you don't know when you'll be ready.

“Hey. Hey, look at me.” — he spoke softly and gently turned your head so that you could look at him. “Our best solution is physical therapy. You have every chance to gain your strength and get back on your feet. I've already talked to the doctors, just trust me.”

“But it can take years. I don't want you to waste your years like this.” — it's true, you'd rather let him go than drag him along, you'll be completely dependent on him.

“My years will be wasted if you're not by my side. Not for one second did I think to leave you in this. This is our fight.” — Buck reaches for your lips and leaves the most tender kiss. There is so much care and love in this kiss that you have no choice but to believe him.

4 months later

Your life consists of a hospital and constant physical therapy sessions. You're tired and exhausted, but you've never been the type to give up quickly.

When you felt that you were going off the path and starting to move in the opposite direction, Buck was there to take your hand and put you back on the right path. He was always smiling, supportive, and proud of your little victories more than you are. For you, these were not victories, but reminders that there is still a lot of work ahead.

Today was another physical therapy session and you finally convinced Buck that you'd be fine without him. He did not miss a single session and because of this he could take fewer shifts at work. You knew that he loves his job and that's literally what energizes him better than any coffee, so today you sent him to work.

But Maddie was with you today, Buck couldn't leave you all alone, even though the doctors at the hospital became your family.

Everything was going well, you did the usual exercises, your therapist gave you a massage of the lower extremities between exercises, then you switched to special simulators.

“Look how good you’re doing, your progress is wonderful.” — you heard Maddie behind your back and froze.

It triggered something inside you. All 4 months you tried to be strong, not to show how desperate you are on dark evenings. You didn't want to be pitied, you wanted to be treated without much distinction.

But everyone behaved around you as if you needed to be coddled. They think they're helping you, but it just reminds you of your condition every time.

And you don't see any fucking progress. What are you doing that is so amazing? You don't run, you don't dance, you don't even walk, you just take little clumsy steps. How dare they call it progress.

“Okay, that’s all for today.” — you still had 20 minutes of the session left, but you didn't feel like finishing it.

“Why? Are you in any pain?” — your therapist asked with a concerned look and stood in front of you.

“No, I just don’t want to do it anymore, so don’t push me.” — you said it and clenched your jaw. You could feel anger filling your body and you wanted to get back to your room before you started snapping at everyone.

You heard the door open and saw Buck. What the hell is he doing here? He's supposed to be at work, but instead he's back here and he's going to babysit you.

“How’s my baby doing?” — Buck squatted down to be on the same level with you and gave you the sweetest smile.

“What are you doing here?”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You were so annoyed that you needed to calm down. The last thing you wanted to do was take all your anger out on Buck. He doesn't deserve it, he's the only one who didn't treat you very differently when you got paralyzed.

“I canceled my shift because I couldn't miss your session. I know you said you'd be fine, but I just couldn't.” — he took your hand, kissed your knuckles and looked at you with a loving look.

“We've already finished, help me get to my room.”

When you got to your room, Buck helped you get on the bed. You loved having Buck with you in the evenings because he filled you with that sense of security and confidence. When he had night shifts, it was the most depressing time of your day because you were alone with your thoughts.

“So why did you finish earlier today? I thought you still had 20 minutes of your session when I came.” — lying down on the bed next to you, Buck asked you.

“I didn’t feel like continuing.” — you put your head on his chest and started drawing with your fingers some random stuff on his arm. You always did this when you had a lot of thoughts in your head, but you couldn't formulate them into sentences in any way.

“Why baby? Is something bothering you? You know you can always tell me.” — he’s so sweet, that’s why you don’t deserve him.

“A lot is bothering me, Buck. The expressions on people's faces when they come to me, how everyone tells me about progress and how I've been your burden for 4 months, but you can't admit it.”

You felt tears forming in your eyes. Anger was replaced by sadness, which tore you apart from the inside. It's a feeling of helplessness and complete lack of interest in this fight. You wanted to give up everything, to be alone so that no one else would waste their time on you.

“I can’t admit something that isn’t true, (Y/N). You survived and it's not a burden, but a blessing. I thank the universe for every day with you.” — he pulled you closer to him. How he would like to take away all the pain that's inside you. Buck knew what was going on in your head, so he was always there to reassure you.

“Sometimes I think it would be better if I died than to drag you through something you don't have to go through.” — you whispered it so quietly that you didn't know if Buck had heard. You weren't even sure that you heard your own voice.

Buck's heart broke at those words. You've never been so vulnerable with him, usually you go through even the most difficult events with a big smile and an open heart. But this accident took away a piece of you. You were once cheerful, but now you are completely broken.

“I didn't doubt us for a second. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone else, it's always been you.” — Buck put his fingers under your chin and lifted your head so you could look at him. “I know that you don't see progress and it's hard for you to accept that it's moving so slowly. Do you know why you don't see progress? Because every day you are in your body and you don't see yourself from the outside. But I see you. And I see all your efforts and you're doing such a good job, baby.”

“It doesn't feel like enough.”

“But you’re enough in every fucking way. I still see those (y/e/c) eyes that I fell in love with, I still see that smile that immediately makes my day better and I still see that woman I want to call my wife one day.” — Buck kisses your forehead.

“Even when I’m like this?” — you don't know why you're still doubting it, you don't want to lose Buck, but you need these words from him to be sure that you're not dragging him down and he really wants it.

“Like what? An absolutely normal human being? Nothing changed for me and my feelings are still the same too.” — you kiss him. For the first time in 4 months, you felt normal and you fucking loved it.

“Now baby, we will be home in a week, I’m sure familiar walls are going to make you feel better.” — and he kissed you one more time.

A week later, you were at home, your therapist said that you were ready for this and now you will travel to sessions from your home. You don’t need to live in a hospital now. Honestly, you were excited, you were homesick, and you wanted to be in an environment that always made you feel comfortable and safe.

Buck opened the doors to your shared house and said with a smirk:

“Welcome back, babygirl.”

The next thing you saw were your friends, who were joyfully welcoming you back.

“Here’s my girl, finally I will be able to come here on my days off and talk with a smart person.” — Hen had a big smile on her face and hugged you tightly.

“Ouch, I thought I was your one and only, Hen.” — Chim put his hand over his heart as if he had been stabbed. “But seriously, Jee missed her Aunt (Y/N), she’s excited to be babysitted by her favorite person.”

You loved this little girl, so you were always happy to spend time with her when Chim and Maddie were busy.

“Yeah, honestly, I will be back tomorrow, we need to bring back our barbecue parties, I'm craving your signature ribs.” — Eddie made the chef’s kiss.

“I thought I was making the best food, but Eddie hasn't stopped talking about these ribs for 4 months.” — Bobby laughed and came up to you. “Welcome back, (Y/N), we missed you.” — he gave you that fatherly hug that you loved so much.

You looked at Buck and for the first time smiled so sincerely that your cheeks started to hurt. You knew that the path would be long and difficult, but you will definitely cope with it next to your loved ones. A lot has changed, but at the same time nothing has changed, you can still enjoy all the joys that have become a part of you with each of your friends.

Buck came up to you and kissed you. Tears of joy poured from your eyes, right now you realize that you have the strength to cope with these and your relationship with Buck has become even stronger and more sensual.

“I think I can get used to this.” — you said into Buck’s lips. “I love you, thank you for being by my side.”

“Forever and always, I love you.”

One more kiss and this is your new normal.

[ruewrote]

𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑦𝑜𝑢.

PAIRING: evan buckley x fem!reader WARNINGS: worries of future of relationship, no use of y/n GENRE: angst to fluff SONG INSPIRATION: based off of tightrope by michelle williams WORD COUNT: 1.5k REQUESTED: yes

navigation | ask | evan buckley masterlist

you always knew loving buck wasn’t going to be simple. he was magnetic in a way that pulled you in, but with that same intensity meant there was always something just outside of your reach. a sense of unpredictability. 

from the moment you met him, there was a charge that made everything with him feel alive. the late night conversations, the lazy mornings, the spontaneous laughter. it was all beautiful, but it was never easy. not with his job, not with the constant risks he took every single day.

and yet, here you were.

tonight, that all too familiar feeling crept back in, that gnawing unease you’d been trying to push down. buck wasn’t home yet. you sat on the couch, staring at the clock as it ticked away the minutes, trying to ignore the worst case scenarios playing on repeat in your mind. it was past midnight, and your phone was quiet. too quiet.

this wasn’t the first time you’d sat in the dark, wondering if he was okay, wondering if tonight would be the night he didn’t come home. that was the reality of loving someone like buck. someone who ran toward the danger, who put himself in harm’s way for others. you admired that about him, the way he cared so deeply, but sometimes it left you hopeless.

a sigh escaped your lips as you ran a hand through your hair, the tension building in your chest. you hated this feeling, hated waiting like this. most of the time, you could manage it, push it to the back of your mind. but tonight? tonight felt different. maybe because of how late it was or the heavy silence in the apartment, but something inside you twisted painfully as the seconds dragged on.

just as you were about to grab your phone and text him again, the sound of keys in the lock jolted you out of your thoughts. the door opened slowly and buck stepped inside, his shoulders slumping with exhaustion. relief flooded through you at the sight of him, he was okay. he was safe. but the knot in your chest didn’t unravel right away.

“hey,” he said softly, closing the door behind him and tossing his keys on the entryway table. he looked worn out, his face smudged with soot, his hair a mess. “i’m sorry i’m late.”

you swallowed the lump in your throat, trying to keep your voice steady. “you didn’t text,” you said, sharper than you meant to. it wasn’t anger, more like the fear spilling out before you could control it.

buck’s brow furrowed as he walked toward you. “i know. i’m sorry. we had a crazy call, and i didn’t have a chance to check my phone. i should’ve texted as soon as i could. i didn’t mean to make you worry.”

the apology should have been enough, but the words didn’t soothe the ache you’d been carrying. you stood up from the couch, crossing your arms over your chest as you looked at him. “i know you can’t always text me, buck. i get that. but…you don’t understand what it’s like sitting here, not knowing if something’s happened to you. not knowing if you’re okay.”

his expression softened, and he reached for your hand, but you pulled away, stepping back. the space between you suddenly felt wider, like there was something unspoken lingering there, something neither of you had addressed yet.

“i can’t keep doing this,” you whispered, your voice wavering despite your best efforts to keep it steady. “every time you walk out that door, i wonder if it’s going to be the last time and tonight… tonight i couldn’t shake the feeling that something had happened.”

buck’s face fell, and he looked down at the floor, guilt flashing in his eyes. “i’m sorry,” he repeated, quieter this time. he took a deep breath, his voice thick with regret. “i didn’t mean to scare you. i didn’t–”

“it’s not just tonight,” you cut in, shaking your head. the frustration in your chest bubbled up before you could stop it. “it’s every night. every time you go on a call. i’m terrified, buck. terrified that one day you won’t come home. and i don’t know how much longer i can handle it.”

there. you’d said it. the words hung heavy in the air between you, and the silence that followed felt deafening.

buck looked up at you then, his eyes filled with something you couldn’t quite read. guilt? pain? he took a step closer, his hands reaching out for you again, but this time, you didn’t pull away. his fingers wrapped around yours, warm and familiar, grounding you in the moment.

“i know,” he whispered, his voice barely above a breath. “i know it’s hard. i know i don’t always make it easy for you.” he paused, searching for the right words. “but i love what i do and i love you. i don’t know how to make you feel better about this, about any of it, but i promise you, i’m always going to do everything i can to come back to you.”

you blinked back the tears threatening to spill over, your heart aching at the sincerity in his voice. “but what if one day you can’t?” you asked, your voice cracking. “what if one day something happens and you don’t come back?”

his grip on your hand tightened, and he pulled you closer, his free hand coming up to cup your cheek. “i can’t promise you that nothing will ever happen,” he said softly, his thumb brushing across your skin in a gentle, comforting motion. “i wish i could, but you know i can’t. but what i can promise is that i’ll always fight to come back. no matter what.”

you felt a tear slip down your cheek, and buck wiped it away with his thumb, his eyes never leaving yours. there was so much emotion there, so much love, fear, and vulnerability and for a moment, you didn’t know what to say.

“i don’t want to lose you,” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

“you won’t,” he replied, his voice firm but gentle. “i’m right here. i’m always going to be right here.”

he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you against his chest, and you let yourself sink into him. his warmth, his strength. it was all so familiar, so comforting, and for a moment, the fear melted away. you could hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath your ear, and it grounded you, tethered you to this moment.

you didn’t know how long you stayed like that, wrapped up in each other, but eventually, you pulled back just enough to look up at him. his hands slid down to rest on your waist, his fingers tracing small, absentminded circles on your skin.

“i hate that i’m so scared all the time,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “but i love you, buck. so much. and that’s why it’s so hard.”

he nodded, his eyes softening as he leaned down to press his forehead against yours. “i know,” he said quietly. “and i’m sorry i’ve made it harder. i don’t always think about what it’s like for you, waiting here, wondering. but i swear, i’ll try to be better. i’ll do whatever i can to make this easier for you.”

you closed your eyes, letting his words wash over you. it was a promise, one you knew buck would keep. he was reckless at times, but he was also loyal to a fault. if he said he’d try, you believed him.

“i just need you to talk to me,” you said softly. “let me in when you’re scared or when something’s bothering you. don’t just keep it to yourself.”

buck smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he nodded. “deal. but only if you promise me the same thing.”

you let out a soft laugh, your chest feeling a little lighter now. “okay. deal.”

he leaned down and kissed you then, slow and sweet, like he was savoring the moment. when he pulled back, there was a quiet intensity in his gaze that made your heart skip a beat.

“i love you,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “and i’m not going anywhere. you’re stuck with me, whether you like it or not.”

you smiled, feeling a wave of warmth wash over you. “i like it,” you whispered, wrapping your arms around his neck. “i love you, too.”

later that night, you lay in bed with buck beside you, his arm draped over your waist, holding you close. the soft rise and fall of his chest was soothing, a quiet reminder that he was here, safe and sound. you pressed yourself closer to him, letting the warmth of his body chase away the lingering fear that had settled in your bones earlier.

buck shifted beside you, his fingers brushing against your arm as he spoke, his voice low and sleepy. “i know it’s hard,” he murmured. “but we’ll figure it out. together.”

you nodded, your heart full as you closed your eyes. “yeah,” you whispered. “together.”

and for now, that was enough.

comments and reblogs are appreciated ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

© ruewrote 2024.

[buckleyirondad]

it's a leap of faith

Buck needs to talk to somebody after kissing Tommy. So, naturally, he ends up on his sister's doorstep in the early hours of the morning. Read on AO3

“Hey, I’m sorry..." Buck feels like he’s completed a marathon, or maybe even two. All he's done is sit in his apartment, mulling over the events of the evening, before realizing he needed to speak to somebody. 

So, he got into his car and drove to the person he can always count on.

Maddie stares at him, slowly blinking. “Buck, it’s the middle of the night.”

“Sorry.” His heart thumps in his ears, and if he doesn’t sit down soon, he may crumple into a heap. “I just—I just, um–”

“Hey.” Worry fills Maddie’s face. She reaches out, pressing a hand to his arm. “It’s okay. Come inside.”

Buck takes careful steps toward the dinner table, because if Jee-Yun hears a floorboard creak, she’ll be up. 

He thanks the stars that Chimney is working. While he hopes to tell everybody about his revelation, he intends on taking it slow. 

Maddie takes a glass from her cupboard and fills it with water, which she places in front of him. He takes a sip, ignoring how much his hands tremble as he does.

He can sense Maddie’s concerned gaze, looking for answers and worrying about worst case scenarios, as both of them tend to do.

“Buck, look at me.” She takes his hand, and mimics a deep breath, for him to follow. “Breathe.”

“I’m okay,” he pants, taking time to calm himself. “I promise, I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.” Maddie’s eyes are frantically searching for an answer, and he can see the panic growing in them.

“I spoke to Eddie,” he calms his tone, hoping to show her that he is okay.

“Yeah?”

“He forgives me. And I owe him a few favors,” Buck says, with  a smile.

“Rightfully so.”

“I, ur…” Buck laughs, bowing his head. Then, he stops, taking a second to compose himself. 

This is the moment. The leap of faith he knows that queer people take every single day, and this one is his.

He isn’t sure what he wants or needs to say. There’s no manual for this, and researching ‘how to come out’ only guides him so far. “Do you ever feel like you’re not complete?” he finally asks.

Maddie frowns. “Not complete?”

“Like there’s parts of who you are, that you haven’t discovered yet, and when you do, everything kinda, comes into focus,” he stammers.

“Sure.” Maddie nods. “I think that’s life, right? We’re always changing.”

“I guess.” 

“Evan?” She speaks gently, as if she’s calling out to him, despite being sat side-by-side. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“I just, kinda don’t know how to explain it.” Buck sits up in his chair, clutching his hands together. 

“I’ll understand.”

There’s no right or wrong way to do this, but Buck feels like he’s about to take center stage and perform a song he doesn’t know.

“Tommy kissed me,” Buck blurts.

Surprise crosses Maddie’s face, and her jaw slacks slightly. “Tommy kissed you?” Her expression morphs with realization, and she smiles. “And how did that make you feel?”

“I, um, I kissed him back,” Buck splutters, his hands flailing about in front of him. “I wanted to, and I…” He suddenly becomes aware that his cheeks are wet with tears.

He’s not entirely sure why he’s crying. He’s certainly not upset. If anything, he’s joyous.

“It felt like, um that—” he cries.

“Everything came into focus?” Maddie finishes.

“Yeah, yeah.” He runs his hands over his cheeks. “It really did.”

Maddie jumps to her feet and pulls him into her arms. Since he’s sitting down, she has a height advantage, and as he wraps his hands around her back, he feels like a little kid again.

The same one who always ran to his big sister.

“Thank you for telling me,” she whispers in his ear as she clings to him. She steps back to press a kiss against his birthmark. “I’m proud—oh, and I.” Tears are filling her eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Buck spots the clock on the wall behind Maddie, and inwardly cringes. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

“It’s fine.” She waves a dismissive hand as she sits down. “You can always wake me up when you need me.”

"Thank you." He relaxes, and then says, “I thought I’d be–”

“You’d be what?”

“Confused, but I’m not, it all makes sense.” He leans his head in his hand. “There are all these moments I’ve looked back at, and I know now, what they meant.” He lifts his shoulder in a half-shrug. “I just, I never knew that this was a discovery I could made–”

“What, at your old age?” She teases. “Not everybody knows exactly who they’re going to be by 18.” Her smile somehow grows wider. “I’m so happy for you. You look–” she cuts herself off, tilting her head like she’s had an epiphany of her own.

“What?”

“You don’t look like you’re holding the weight of the world on your back anymore.”

Buck lets out another breath, and like every one since Tommy kissed him, it is filled with relief.

Because he’s finally free.

[melodrangea]

Hi! Hello! Hope you are well!

Could I request the main gang with steins kid who is a weapon? But they have no meister and basically can fight by themselves or match their soul with their friends to fight with? If that’s ok! If not , then just the gang with steins kid lol

The gang: Soul, Maka, Black⭐️ Tsubaki, Patty, Kid, Lizz, crona and we can’t forget Ragnarok! I just got back into that fandom so I’m insanely rusty on everything 😭

Hi! I'm doing great, how are you?

I am totally loving the chaos of Stein's kid at the DWMA

andddd they're a weapon?

anyways

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Soul Eater Gang Meets Stein's Kid that's a Weapon

-if I'm being honest, you were probably at the DWMA for a while before anyone figured out you were Stein's kid

-not because you both are ashamed or anything, you just are both private people like that and you see no fuss in making sure everyone knows your dad is a professor

-but for story's sake lets say it's your first day at the DWMA and students just happen to notice that you and Stein have the same last name and look similar

Soul 'Eater' Evans

-would be cautious around you at first learning you're Stein's kid

-like thinking about how sadistic and crazy your dad is (to him at least)

-let's just say if Soul sees you with a sharp object he runs (it could be a toothpick and he'd run away screaming lets be honest 💀)

-does NOT want to turn out like Spirit he's got enough scars already

-once he realizes you're fairly different from your dad (in that you aren't crazy asf) he's fine

-will ask you at least once a day how you live with your dad

"like how does he even cook? does he dissect the vegetables too?"

-won't openly admit he wants to fight you but he is definately curious

-so when he asks for him and Maka to fight you and you meister, and then you tell him you don't have one

-he is immediately shocked, jealous and crying on the inside

-it's not fair, how can you fight on your own and he can't?

-stays away from you for a little while because he is jealous and intimidated

-but once he learned it was because no one ever wanted to wield you because of your dad so you just fought on your own, he became a lot more empathetic

-you guys are close, both wanted to better yourselves so you spar with each other all the time

Maka Albarn

-will also be slightly uneasy, but the feeling is washed away withing five minutes of meeting you

-especially if you're in the E.A.T class with her

-if you transfer half way through the school year she will offer to help catch you up and introduce you to other students

-if you like books (specificaly historical romances) FORGET IT

-Maka is ATTACHED

-hope you're ready for marriage

-asks forces you to join book club with her, Tsubaki and Jackie

-she probably won't go out of her way to try and wield you in your weapon form, but of you ask or offer she will be open to it (not for too long though because Soul gets mopey)

-if not she will help you find a meister and compile a list of the most eligible meisters in the school without weapons

-then she realizes you fight on your own (get it baddie) and she's interested all over again

-immediately analyzing your fighting style and figuring out how your are self autonomous

-tries to keep you away from Soul for previous reasons as long as she can

Black Star

-everyone tries to hide it but somehow he finds out that Stein's kid is transfering to the DWMA

-same scenario as Kid, he's just waiting for you to show up and fight you 🤺

-probably figures it will be an easy win with just him because you don't have a meister yet

-oh how wrong he is

-Black Star is shell shocked when you attack frist WITHOUT A MEISTER

-he is completely thrown off and you end up winning fairly easily (he ofc says he lets you win)

-warns the others to begrudgingly to not mess with you

-Stein is just taking attendance when you walk in after Black Star (Black star is covered in light wounds while you're practically spotless)

Stein: "Alright is everyone here?- Ah I see one of your classmates has already found y/n, and it seems that they made quite the introduction for themselves. This is why we don't mess with my bloodline class "

Class; "WHAT"

-safe to say it was definitely one way to be introduced to your new class

-Black Star is fairly chill with you, in his own obnoxious way ofc

-will still try and fight you periodically

Tsubaki Nakatsukasa

-has the most seemingly normal reaction to your arrival

-greets you like she would any other person, asking about your experience with fighting, why you joined the DWMA

-when you tell her you join becuase your dad was a professor she was a little shocked to find out it was Stein

-you just seemed so much different than him

-but you explain how he trained you all your life, which is how she finds out that you're a self autonomous weapon

-isn't jealous in the slightest (I mean she has several weapons forms so why should she)

-is slightly concerned for you as a person, you only really knew your dad and without a meister partner she figured you'd be awfully lonely

-so she tries her best to include you on a lot of things, inviting you to hangouts, to train with her, she's even had you over for dinner a few time

-(she let you have her special cookies even bfore black star)

-and since you're such good friends with Tsubaki you do get a lot of Blackstar, but with Tsubaki it's mamagable (even though you do ask her all the time why she chose him as her meister)

Death the Kid

-interest is also peaked upon finding out Stein's kid would be joining the DWMA

-he wouldn't try and fight you like some others, he'd rather observe you from a (safer) distance

-is definitely worried about you being related to Stein like Soul was

-he ended up getting to know you at Maka's book club (he's an honorary member because he only reads obscure asf 1800's english novels)

-finds out that you're extremely normal calm compared to your dad and is a lot friendlier to you from then on out

-most talking about school, training and book club

-he figures out for himself that you're a self autonomous weapon when you've been at the DWMA for a week and hadn't requested a temporary meister partner yet

-at least that's what he tells himself, he really only found out when he fought you for a training lesson and you fought by yourself

-i'm sorry for the Kid fans but he would REFUSE to wield you since there's only one of you :(

-you guys aren't besties but respect each other and get along really well in group activities

Liz Thompson

-THIS GIRL ON THE OTHER HAND

-scared ASF of you

-does not like Stein (he reminds her too much or a creepy ghost) 👻

-so when she learns that you are his daughter she isn't running, she's sprinting

-just imagine you walked over to the group, Soul slowly makes his way off while Liz jumps and hits herself in the head trying to escape 😭😭😭

-and when she learns that you’re self autonomous- you never see her again

-im just kidding, she would definatly be intimidated by you, and would watch you from a distance for a while

-but once she learns of your personality she'd definately a lot mroe comfortable around you

-invited you to sleepovers at the mansion and her painting your nails while you gossip 💅🏼

Patty Thompson

-Patty on the other hand

-oh you're the one that's scared of Patty

-she's just so hyper and energetic, it's just the opposite of you and you're dad and it makes you uneasy

-the air left your lungs when she destroyed the paper giraffe she made during the meister/weapon exam

-it took you a while but you did get used to Patty (to some extent)

-she herself was very excited to meet you

-one of the the first things she called you was "the crazy guy's kid"

definitely got off on the right foot Patty 🙄

-she thought it was really cool that you were self autonomous as a weapon and would NOT leave you alone until you told her how

-you didn't know what to tell her other than years of training

-she got uninterested after you said years lol

-overal you two get a long fairly wel, though you have to admit you mesh better with Liz

-Patty is definitely more tolerable than Black Star so that's something

Crona Gorgon

-also uneasy upon hearing that you're the kid of Professor Stein

-Crona already doesn't know how to deal with one of him and now to Crona it appeared there were two now

-AND you don't even need a meister to right?

-safe to say Crona is the teensiest bit scared

-Ragnarok thinks you're arrogant for existing on the other hand

-him always wanting to fight or attack you and poor Crona just trying to get away

-Crona also gets more more comfortable with you via book club (it's honestly just therapy with really good cookies at this point)

-you and Crona would bond over you and him having odd parents (though Stein wasn't an abusive bitch)

-you'd both understand being looked at differently for your parents

-after a small while Crona would actually shoe you some of his poetry!

-you both would write side by side in silence (Tsubaki would 100% bake you both cookies to snack on)

-and when Ragnarok would come out and both you both you could just threaten him with your weapon(s)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-in summary you probably get along best with Liz, Tsubaki and Crona best as Stein's child

-it's extremely rare that you host hangouts for obvious reasons but your'e always invited to other group activities and train with the others when you want!

-the group even starts to look at Professor Stein differently as they watch the interactions between you and your father!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and that's all my dears!

I hope you enjoyed!

and thank you all so much for the support, I'm working to answer requests as quick as i can!

-Melodrangea

[lyjen]

I Called | Part 2

Summary: When (Y/n) goes out to do a business check on a Self Storage building, she ends up getting attacked. Due to a technical difficulty the radio of (Y/n) remains on, so everyone including her boyfriend and brother can hear what is happening.

Request by: @shauna-carsley

<< Previous Chapter | 9-1-1 Masterlist

Taglist: I was thinking of starting a taglist, so if you want to be tagged leave a comment or tell me in “Ask me a question”! ( @oliviah-25 )

______

*

The attacker grabs (Y/n)’s arm and snaps it backwards. An ear deafening scream sounds through the building as she literally hears the bone snap. She feels how the bottom of the attacker’s shoe connected with the back of her knee as he kicked it. She lost balance on her right leg, so she tumbled to the ground and a loud cry fell from her lips.

Her body gets forced onto the ground by the power of his hands. (Y/n) falls face down onto the floor. In panic she starts touching the floor, looking for her gun with her only available hand that was working.

She could feel the man’s body standing over her. “Not this time.” she heard a low voice speak. (Y/n) turned around, so she was not on her stomach anymore, but facing the man with her back pressed to the ground, as she started crawling backwards. Trying to get away from the man.

The gun she was looking for, he was holding it right now, aiming at her. Her breathing became faster, her heart was racing, like it was trying to break free from her ribcage. “bye bye” he spoke as he pulled the trigger.

*

(Y/n)’s body flinched as he pulled the trigger, and within a second she was sitting right up in bed. Her body was drenched in sweat, she was on Evan’s side of the bed. That was the only place she would be able to fall asleep when her boyfriend was on a 24 hour shift and wouldn’t be back until the next day that afternoon.

She planted her head down on her hands, which were leaning down into her thighs as she tried to catch her breath. Tear after tear slowly made its way down her face. Her own scream is still audible in the back of her head, along with the sound of his fists touching her body and her bone snapping.

Why was she still having these dreams? It was like she had a dozen of these dreams, for weeks she had to relive the same dream. And now, she was dreaming of different kinds of scenarios. Of how it could’ve ended. “For fuck sake” she mumbled as she sniffled and wiped her hands underneath her eyes so she could wipe away her tears she shed.

She sighed as she tapped her phone on, three in the morning. Nice. Secretly she would’ve hoped Evan could walk into his apartment any minute, and to tell her that she would be okay, or to just put his arms around her, and hold her.

Part of her wanted to text Evan or her brother. But, they were on shift. They had more important things to do than to listen to her crying, telling the same dream. They couldn’t magically fix this, she knew that. But it was nice to know that somebody was listening to her. It was better than keeping it to herself, right?

“Get out of my head” she cried as loud as she could. But she could still hear her own scream echoing in the back of her mind, from that day. She wanted to shut out the sounds of her trauma, but she couldn’t. Her fingertips into her hair, it was like she was turning into a crazy person. She squeezed her eyes closed, as hard as she could when the sound in the back of her mind became louder, and louder.

Her breathing started to fasten, she had just calmed herself down and now her mind was doing this to her? Her heartbeat was starting to race again. “Oh god” she panted through her breaths as the tears started to stream over her cheeks again.

She threw off the sheets that were still covering her legs as she swung her legs over the side of the bed and ran towards the bathroom downstairs. She grabbed the sides of the sink as tightly as she could. Her face was above the sink as she was gasping for air, choking on her own cries.

“Just s-shut up!” she gasped, trying to stop her mind from playing the sounds that were going on inside of her head. Her eyes opened as she looked at herself in the mirror, she flinched at the view she got as a loud scream fell from her lips.

He was there. Her attacker was right behind her, in the mirror. Without thinking, she turned around. There was nothing to be seen. (Y/n) grabbed the thing closest to her, a full bottle of shampoo, and threw it against the mirror which was attached to the wall.

The mirror on the wall broke into a hundred little pieces of glass, as she let her back fall against the wall of the bathroom and slid down the wall.

“Dispatch to 118”

Bobby’s hand reached out for his radio as he was sitting in his team to go back to the station. “Go for captain Nash” he pressed the button.

“Please proceed to Nova Passage Apartments. A neighbor called because of noise complaints, but mentioned that she heard stuff breaking and screaming. Victim may be in need of medical attention.”

Multiple faces in the rig were pointed at Evan now. “Copy that dispatch, 118 enroute.” Bobby called over the radio and turned on the sirens of the truck. “Isn’t that..-” Chimney started. “..My apartment building.” Evan continued as his eyebrows furrowed. This was just a coincidence right?

Evan reached into his pocket as he slid out his phone and unlocked his phone. He quickly swiped to his text messages, there was only a goodnight message of (Y/n) from a few hours ago on which he replied but she didn’t read it yet. That was a good sign, or not? That could mean she was still peacefully asleep in bed and someone else was in need of help.

He swiped the messages app away and tapped onto the phone icon. Should he call her? What if she was finally asleep without having any nightmares and he interrupted it by being worried. “Buck? You coming?” Eddie’s voice asked Evan as he kept on staring at his thumb hovering over the phone icon.

Evan’s stomach turned as he realized the truck had already pulled to a stop and he was the only one still sitting in the rig. “Yeah, I’m coming.” Evan said as he threw off his headphone, basically jumped down the truck and closed the door behind him.

Eddie closed the hatch of the truck as he grabbed a halligan out of it, just in case. The team followed after Bobby, but as soon as they reached the floor of Evan’s apartment and he saw officers in front of it, he knew his gut feelings were right. The officers were banging on his apartment door, asking if someone was home. But no one answered.

Evan carried his house keys in case of emergencies with him, he felt in his pockets, trying to find the keys while his breath started to fasten. He had to know if (Y/n) was okay, in the stress. He couldn’t find the spare key to his house.

He shook his head, this wasn’t happening to him. Meanwhile Bobby was in conversation with the officers, collecting information about the call. Evan stopped searching for his key, as he walked towards the door.

“Hey (Y/n)... It’s me… I’m coming in okay. Stay away from the door.” Evan spoke through the still closed front door. He took a step back as he for a millisecond closed his eyes and yanked his shoulder into the door.

The door flung open as he quickly scanned his house with his eyes.

“(Y/n)?” He called out through the house, as he continued his way into the room. Everything seemed as perfect as he had left it that morning.

“Buck!” Hen called out as she was standing in the doorframe of the bathroom. Evan quickly made his way towards the bathroom, and his eyes fell on (Y/n) broken down onto the floor, curled up like a ball against the wall, with Eddie to her side.

Evan kneeled in front of her, pressing one of his hands onto her left shoulder and the other one resting on her arm. Her brother’s hand was lying on her right shoulder, trying to give her some comfort.

Her knees were pressed to her chest, with her arm secured around them and her head was hanging in the space between her knees and her chest. Quiet sobs are leaving her mouth. “Hey.. what’s wrong?” Evan asked when he reassuringly rubbed his thumb over her arm, just to let her know he was here with her.

She continued crying. “Did something happen?” Evan asked her. He knew something had happened, otherwise his bathroom mirror wouldn’t be destroyed like this.

When Evan didn’t receive an answer, “Baby.. can you please look at me?” he quietly asked her. Her breathing was trembling, as if she had trouble with taking a proper breath. But her head slowly came back up, as her red, wet, broken eyes met his.

It looked like she was looking right through him, she was that broken. “Good.. you’re doing great, baby.” He supported her. “Can you please tell me what happened here?” he calmly asked her.

Evan knew he needed to give her some time to react. “H-he.. w-was here” she stuttered as a single tear fell down her cheek. Evan’s eyes locked with Eddie as he continued rubbing his thumb over her arm. His eyes wandered back to her “The guy who attacked you in the storage unit?” Eddie mingled into the conversation as Evan didn’t know what to ask or say.

She nodded as her eyes focussed themselves on the broken pieces of glass, shattered down the bathroom floor. “”I-In.. the m-mirror.” she gasped through her breaths. Evan’s hands rubbed up and down her arms as he took a look over his shoulder.

“I’m sorry” she softly spoke with a trembling voice as she shook her head and moved her head so she was now looking at the ceiling. Evan’s head shot back to his girlfriend, who was still frightened sitting down on the floor. “The v-voices inside my head.. I can’t stop them. They’re c-constantly screaming.” she cries as her breathing starts to fasten again.

“Hey, hey, hey! It’s okay.” Evan says as his hands slid from her upper arms down to her hands. “Look at me.” he said. (Y/n)’s eyes squeezed shut as she gasped for air and pressed her nails into Evan’s skin. “Please.” He begged. He helped her out of previous panic attacks, but this one sounded different. He had never seen her so scared, so broken. Eddie’s hand pushed down onto Evan’s shoulder, as a sign to let him try and help his sister out.

Eddie kneeled down onto his knees, as he took Evan’s place and Evan himself switched to Eddie’s place. “(Y/n). Please, listen to me. You’re having a panic attack.” Eddie’s voice sounded calm, his hand was still on her right shoulder. “Just breathe okay? Breathe from your abdomen, not your chest.” he continued as (Y/n) was still gasping for more and more air.

Evan could hear (Y/n) trying to fight herself, trying to fight the attack she was having. “Just sh-” she cries as she could hear more voices, and more. “I need you to touch four things okay.” Eddie commanded her as she tried to fight. “Please! I can’t-” yelped through her sobs.

She placed her hand onto the floor, and the other one against the wall. “F-floor. W-w-wall.” Her eyes scanned the room, and she placed her hand down to the medic bag which was between Eddie and Evan, and she touched the radio. ”B-bag. Radio” she gasped.

“Okay. Now, three things you hear. Just listen.” Eddie went on as (Y/n) grabbed her brother’s wrist and Evan’s upper arm to steady herself. “I hear y-your voice. m-my breathing. And peop-ple on the hallway.” she stuttered over her words. “Good. Now two things you smell” Eddie continued when she answered his command.

“S-shampoo. And cologne.”

“And last one, one thing you can taste.” Eddie could see the pain in her eyes as she quietly said the word: “Fear.” She bit down onto her lower lip when it started trembling and more tears were streaming down her face. As if she didn’t shed enough tears already. “You’ll be alright.” Eddie said as his sister pulled herself into his chest. His hand tried to give her some comfort by softly and slowly up and down her back.

Evan kissed the top of her head as he tried to keep it together himself. “We’ll work this out.” he mumbled against the top of her head.

______

After months of therapy, and recovery, (Y/n) had finally been cleared to go back to work.

But not like she wanted to. She has been put on desk duty.

(Y/n) has been working on filling in some papers, until she feels a hand touching her shoulder. (Y/n) felt herself flinching at the touch, but as soon as her eyes met two familiar ones she knew it was alright. “Oh my god.. Athena, you scared me.”

Her hand went up towards her left part of the chest. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to scare you like that.” Athena apologized. “How are you holding up?” Athena asked when (Y/n) pinned files together and closed the file she was working on. She took a deep breath, “Taking it day by day.” (Y/n) nodded.

A smile appeared on Athena’s face as she recognized the look she had in her eyes. “You can’t wait to get out there again, do you?” she softly laughed. (Y/n) looked down at her own hands as she started to fidget with her fingers and pick her skin. She nodded at Athena’s conclusion. “I understand. Working behind the desk wasn’t for me either.” Athena admitted.

(Y/n) softly smiled at Athena. “Yeah, but maybe it’s for the better that I'm on desk duty instead of out there.” she sighed. She missed the adrenaline, god she actually missed turning on that siren and stepping on the gas. “I’m not sure if I'd be ready to get out there again.” she continued and grabbed a new case file.

Athena nodded, understanding what she was saying, but she could see the urge to go back out there in her eyes.

“You know what.. Let's go for a ride hmm?” Athena’s voice spoke as she patted (Y/n) on the shoulder and started to walk away from the desk. (Y/n)’s head shot up at the sudden request from the sergeant. “But sergea-” (Y/n) didn’t even get the chance to end her sentence as Athena turned around in her tracks, and basically started walking backwards. “It’s already taken care of!”

She turned back around as she continued walking in her tracks. “You coming?” Athena called over her shoulder. A sound of doubt and hesitation fell off (Y/n)’s lips as she looked after Athena. What did she have to lose? She slid the chair backwards and hastily followed Athena.

“Where are we going?” (Y/n) asked as she was in the passenger seat of the police cruiser, with Athena behind the wheel. “You’ll see.” Athena spoke as she steered the wheel to the left to make another turn.

The car ride was silent, not awkwardly silent, but comfortable. (Y/n) watched trees, buildings and streets flashing by every second. Until the car pulled to a stop.

Athena put the car in park, as she unbuckled her seatbelt. “Athena.. What are we doing here?” her voice asked, disappointed. “We’re going back to the place it all began.” Athena said as she opened her own side of the door and shut it close.

(Y/n) fidgeted with her fingers as she saw Athena walking through the window towards the entrance of the building. She felt her heart race in her chest, and swallowed loudly. Her throat suddenly felt dry, and she took a deep breath.

Her hand unbuckled her seatbelt, and she slowly opened the passenger door of the police car she was in. (Y/n) could feel her legs almost caving in underneath her as she walked to stand next to Athena, who was in front of the large opening of the studio self storage.

“Why did you bring me here?” (Y/n) asked as she stared in front of her. She could feel the adrenaline rushing through her veins. “To overcome your fear, you first have to face it.” Athena spoke loud and clear. “So I brought you back to the place where it all began.” she continued.

A moment of silence fell between the two of them.

“Look. I know how hard it is to go back on the job after a horrible accident. Trust me, I’ve been there. And if there is one way to go back and get back your confidence, this is the way.” Athena said as she pointed at the building.

Her hands were pressed into fists, (Y/n) could feel her nails cutting through her skin as she anxiously looked at the garage door frame on the outside of the building. “You’re not alone sweetheart.” Athena spoke as she looked into her eyes and squeezed (Y/n)’s upper arm.

She felt another hand press onto her shoulder, when she looked over her shoulder it revealed her boyfriend touching her shoulder and his team right behind them. “That’s what happens if you call for backup.” Athena says.

(Y/n) sighed as she nodded at the studio self storage, “Let’s do this.”

Evan’s hand slid off her shoulder as she stepped forward, and made her way onto the concrete stairs.

She looked up at the dark night sky, as she let her eyes wander over the building. She let oxygen enter her airways as she took a deep breath. It was time to face her inner demons. Her nightmares had finally stopped, and the screaming inside her head had faded away.

Her foot stepped over the threshold, as she followed the hallway inside. She slid her flashlight out of her belt and switched it on as she made her way through the halls. The deep, dark, creepy halls that had haunted her day after day.

After a while, of making her way through the building, she turned to the left. This was it. This is where the nightmare began. Some garage doors had been dented by the pressure that the attacker had on her body. Her body was slammed into multiple of these doors.

She shone her flashlight on the dents that were left on the doors and traced her fingers over it. A scream roared through the back of her mind. (Y/n) aimed her flashlight down to the ground as she kneeled down and inspected the little old blood spot that they missed when they cleaned the scene. A groan from her lips and gunshot rang through her ears, as a high frequency tone slowly faded out of her hearing.

(Y/n) clicked her spine back in place as she stood back up again, and nodded at the scene. She finally made peace with what happened in here.

When (Y/n)’s face was lit up by the light of the moon, a smile appeared on her face as she heard the sound of people clapping and cheering. They knew, she had overcome her fears and she wasn’t afraid. Not anymore.

She felt a hand slid down her waist as she gets pulled into her boyfriend’s chest. His warm breath hoovered over her ear, “I’m so proud of you.”

<< Previous Chapter | 9-1-1 Masterlist

[anxiousnerdwritings]

(God this is so all over the place but I just needed to get these thoughts out😅)

I can’t find the exact ask it was but someone had sent something in a while back about yan!Bellatrix moving into Spinner’s End and making a version of the Black Family tree on one of the walls of the house for the Reader and ever since I have fallen in love with the idea. I think it took place in the scenario of Muggle!Aunt!Reader getting her letter and attending Hogwarts or being an obscurus and getting to still attend Hogwarts later on thanks to Lily. And with one of the last asks having the Evan’s home being a safe haven I just can’t let go of the idea of the Marauders Era doing the same in their time resulting in them having their own makeshift family tree wall at the Evan’s with everyone on it cause they had become this sort of blended friend group/family. Honestly, it ends up being more of a tree of obsession for the Reader.

I, of course, will forever stand by the thought of Andromeda and Ted being friends with the Reader and the Reader even getting the two together in the first place if she went to Hogwarts. It starts out by the Reader giving their house out to Andromeda and Ted to meet and be able to hangout with each other. I just love the idea of the Reader (especially Hufflepuff!Evan’s!Reader) being a total wingman for her bestie and fellow Hufflepuff Ted (maybe there even ends up becoming a poly thing later on since the Reader has been so involved in the two’s relationship, it would end up being a little off without the Reader there with them👀🤷🏻‍♀️). Eventually the Evans home ends up becoming a safe place for Andromeda (similar to the Potter house being a safe place for Sirius) and she ends up hanging out there even when Ted isn’t over and really builds a bond with the Reader. If that were the case then you can bet that Andromeda would have gotten out of the Black family a hell of a lot sooner and she would have gone straight to the Evan’s house.

Eventually, other Marauders end up showing up to the Evan’s home. Lily has no idea how a good majority of the other Slytherins outside of Andromeda know where her and the Reader live. James and Sirius are completely under the belief that Snape told them cause Andy would never, and eventually Lily starts to believe it too resulting in her becoming even more overprotective than she already was of the Reader. Meanwhile, Mr and Mrs Evans are running out of space for all these kids showing up on their doorstep.

First, it was Andromeda, then maybe Regulus showed up looking for his cousin and ended up staying. For a time it’s just those two being there and Lily’s friends/housemates hanging out during breaks and whatnot. Then one day, Bellatrix is on the Evan’s doorstep talking about being there to bring her sister home but really she just uses that as an excuse to be there herself and getting to see where and how the Reader lives. She ends up leaving without much of a fight or anything only to show back up later with a suitcase of her own and Narcissa in tow. The next thing Lily knows her whole house is full of magical blood purists who are for some uncomfortable and frustrating reason being extremely territorial of her precious sister. And apparently Rita Skeeter found her way there too.

I do love the idea of some of the parents coming to collect their children only to end up sticking around at the Evan’s house too. Unlike their children, most of the adults don’t quite move in but visit often. Except Walburga, she full on moves in. With or without her husband, most likely without him.

I have this concept of Walburga becoming extremely obsessed with the Reader, whether they’re an obscurus or not. I don’t really know why. Maybe it’s the innocence and naivety of the Reader that stirred something in Walburga, maybe they reminded her of when she was a child before she became the person she is today. Whatever it is Walburga wants to clutch onto them and never let go. Like, I have this scenario of the Reader ending up at the Black house for dinner and them offhandedly thanking Kreacher for their meal or something and Walburga inquires about it, asking why they would thank the servant for doing their duty only for the Reader to reply with it being mannerly to do so in the muggle world. And everyone��s reaction in this situation is so stressed and on the edge of their seat waiting for Walburga to fly off the handle but she surprises everyone by thanking Kreacher too. Albeit, she is completely rigid and monotone doing it but after, Walburga looks to the Reader and asks if she did it right. I just like the thought of the Reader nodding with a little smile and Walburga looking so proud with herself. Hell, Walburga would even try to get the Reader to stay the night at Grimmauld Place that very night but Orion, Sirius, Regulus, Andromeda and Bellatrix are able to put it off and get the Reader back home. Meanwhile Walburga ends up at the Evan’s house days later and basically kidnaps the Reader only to have them be her guide and show her around some muggle shops and whatnot out of pure curiosity and wanting to spend more time with the Reader.

[lemotmo]

Dear god in heaven I loathe these people. Go away! Also I desperately, desperately need that phone call thing to be canon. But I love both scenarios. They feel true to both characters.

Q. I need you to be so serious. The conversation that needs to take place that you all and the show don't want to acknowledge is that Tommy made Evan. Before he started dating Tommy he was a spoiled, immature, narcissistic brat. In other words he was Buck. Tommy made him more compassionate. More thoughtful. More mature and confident in his own skills and abilities. Buck was an insignificant little boy. Evan is an accomplished capable man. The show is trying to revert him back into Buck. You all should be disgusted.

Q. If you could write it, how would you write Buck and Eddie each having their recognition moment? Do you think they'll both have their moment at the same time or separately?

A. To the first anon, what the actual fuck? Tell me you haven't watched a single second of this show that didn't include your walking piece of shit without telling me you haven't bothered to watch any part of the actual show. At some point being this stupid has to be painful. I mean it cannot be possible to be this fucking stupid without some kind of physical pain. Is this Lou's latest take? Are these his new marching orders since the pathetic hashtag stunt went completely ignored? I'm not going to waste my time explaining all the ways you're wrong about Buck. But I will be happy to tell you that the only thing Tommy did was introduce him to dick. That's it. That was Tommy's purpose. To make Buck aware that he is also attracted to men. But do you really want to know who helped Buck grow up a bit? It was meeting Eddie and Christopher. Becoming a part of their lives, and having a relationship with Christopher that involves some level of parenting. Abby, Eddie, Christopher and the family Buck made at the 118. Those are the people that helped shape Buck into the man he is today. Tommy had nothing to do with making Buck the person he is. Being bisexual is not why Buck is the person he is. Your sexuality is not what makes you a good or bad person. Tommy introduced Buck to his attraction to men. And while that is significant in its own way it has nothing whatsoever to do with who Buck is as a person. Tommy is gay and a prick. But he's not a prick because he's gay. He's a prick because he scolded a grown man for having the audacity to be nervous while on his first date with a man. He's a prick for making a closet joke in front of that nervous man's best friend. He's a prick for leaving that same confused man alone on a curb. He's a prick for calling his boyfriend Evan, even though everyone knows he doesn't like to be associated with that name. He's a prick for not knowing after 6 months that his boyfriend doesn't like basketball. He's a prick because he's racist and sexist. He's a prick because he led a woman on for years and when he dumped her and broke her heart he made fun of the way she tried to help herself heal. None of that is because he's gay. It's because he's just not a good guy. He and Lou seem to have that in common. Great taste you've got there.

To the second anon, thank you for the ask and the opportunity to hijack the first anons ask to talk about Buddie. I actually really like that question and I know we all kind of wanted this big dramatic near death feelings realization, and while we still may get that in some way, it's looking more likely that it won't be quite that dramatic. I do think Eddie is the one we actually need to see have some kind of moment in the mid season finale though. If it's not going to be a nde then I like the idea of the episode ending with Eddie and Buck at Eddie's house. Maybe they had several close calls throughout the episode and Eddie has decided to go get Christopher so he and Buck are just relaxing and hanging out before Eddie leaves. They are clearly choosing to frame whatever realization Eddie needs to come to around him allowing himself joy and finding joy for himself so I think that would carry over into any kind of Buck feelings. I also don't think they will have him say he's gay. I think they will frame it as a Buck thing. So if he's decided to go get Christopher he's feeling hopeful and a little nervous in that moment. Maybe Buck is still feeling a little down and a little in his own head. I like the idea of another voice over at the end of the episode about choosing your people and the universe bringing you your person even if you aren't quite ready for them yet. Maybe in an effort to try to cheer Buck up Eddie says something along the lines of 'it really does help' and Buck kind of smiles and says something like 'you promise'? And we see them look at each other and Eddie turns music on and we see them get up and just dance around Eddie's living room. We see them carefree and laughing and just simply enjoying the company of one another. For Eddie it can be as simple as that. He can stop and ask Buck to come with him to get Christopher. Buck would ask him if he's sure and Eddie could simply say something like 'yeah I'm choosing my joy'. It doesn't have to be any kind of verbal declaration. It can be something that soft and just for them but the audience would know. That's all it would take.

Now if I was writing it for Buck I would still have them at Eddie's house at the end of the episode and I would still have Eddie decide to go get Christopher. They would still have had the close calls of the day so maybe Buck is just hyper aware of himself in that moment and he and Eddie are sitting close on the couch and Buck can comment on how much lighter Eddie looks than he has the last several months. And we see a flicker of something pass across Buck's face. I still want a voice over but maybe this one would be about choosing to get off the familiar path and deciding to take the path that is unknown but holds the possibility of something greater. I would want the camera to pan to Buck's phone and the audience to see that Tommy is calling him. I would want the voice over to say something like the familiar path is tempting because there are no unknowns that way. We know what happens on the familiar path that's why we usually take it. Then I want Buck to see that Tommy is calling him and the voice over to say something like so do we take the path we know or do we make the brave choice. Do we take the unknown path the path that can hurt us in unimaginable ways but the path that also holds the most amazing potential. And Eddie can ask him 'who is it'? And we see Buck take a deep breath, smile to himself, dismiss the call and say 'just a wrong number'. Again that tells the audience everything we need to know. Buck removing himself from the hamster wheel and choosing the new path. I love the idea of the wrong number analogy for Buck's realization.

Both ways are simple and fitting for them and would tell the audience exactly where the story is going. Their history has done all the groundwork for them. Their realizations don't have to be any bigger than that for the audience to know what's coming. 💗

Thank you Nonny!

For the sake of my sanity and patience I have decided to only focus on the second question and answer. I can't cope with these people and their delusional thinking anymore. I'm trying to ignore as much as a I can of their drivel.

So I'll go right to my positive place and tell you all that I have already mentally started manisfesting Ali's wonderful Buddie speculations two days ago when she shared one of them. I figured I would get a head start and then it actually might come true.

After all, it worked with the BT breakup. 😋

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[luna-rainbow]

So…I saw a Blu-ray featurette on Bilibili where the writers and directors talk about Bucky, with key quotes like:

Cap 1 and Cap 2 both show that Cap’s allegiance, more than anything, is to Bucky Barnes, his best friends since when he was Steve Rogers, the 100 pound weakling. (Nate Moore)

The Winter Soldier has such a complicated history. We wanted that to have a real presence to it, to see the harshness with which he was treated. He’s both good and bad, hero and villain. (Joe Russo)

That’s the most heartbreaking scenario in his life, Bucky was the guy who’s always been there. Those are the scenes that make the action scenes worth it. What are you willing to compromise and sacrifice and forfeit for the greater good? And that is close to home for Steve. (Chris Evans)

Here’s Bucky Barnes, who’s been the Winter Soldier for 80 years, who in his own way was a Prisoner of War (Nate Moore)

Members of Hydra in Russia secreted him away to a missile facility in Siberia. He was treated with the same level of security as a nuclear weapon. (Joe Russo)

Suddenly, the main guy you have to defeat is your best link to the most pleasant memories you have of your childhood and of your past. (Kevin Feige)

We all know what happened between “Bucky is Steve’s strongest allegiance,” “his biggest sacrifice,” “his best link to his most pleasant memories” and Steve needs to retire into another timeline.

But what exactly happened between “Bucky Barnes was a prisoner of war and treated very harshly by Hydra” to “he needs to make amends for what he did under Hydra”?

[rottin6]

hi layla my love my light. could you perhaps spare some jegulus cam sex thoughts? i fear i may waste away without them <3

i could yap about this forever, lane im kissing u for asking

it’s essentially an entire universe that spans out across different characters and ideas. the constant variable in each universe is that james is always the director. he’s always behind the camera, capturing sex for the art, whether it’s regulus (his favourite star) or some other actors. he lives in la and he spends his time writing scripts, editing the films, going over certain scenes etc.

in one scenario, there’s a time in maybe a completely different city where you’ve got lily learning how to give a blowjob purely because of james’ videos with regulus:

the first thing lily’s learnt is that the pornhub interface is surprisingly easy to navigate. she scrolls down the page, more inclined to watch the shitty iphone made videos because they look less fake. there’s one video of a couple, a man’s face behind the camera while a young and pretty boy sucks his cock deep, taking it in all the way. lily watches, studies, the way his lips part open and his tongue licks all the way up to the tip, mouth sinking down right after. she keeps herself cocooned in her blanket, chin in her palm as she traces over her own lips with her fingers. the same couple have another video with a ‘deepthroat’ tag, and lily swiftly realises that this is the superior method. and that above all, she wants to be the best so at some point, two fingers are hitting the back of her throat and she’s trying to keep them down. she gags a couple of times, both digits slick with saliva. she tries to match her pace with the boy in the video, holding on until she’s hit with the sudden realisation that barty’s much, much bigger than her two fingers.

(snippet from a bartylily drabble i have yet to upload)

it's the extent to which james loves making these films and videos, he gets off on the pure idea of them. his camera alone is enough to get him hard until he meets regulus, this star who is a star before even being shown to the world. james is enamoured and he builds most of his success with regulus (prior to this, he tried things with a bunch of different actors, but nothing stood out). he goes on to creating an empire of sorts, climbing this ladder but director james wants more and more

but i feel that the jegulus cam sex universe has so much potential to become more than just. sex, if that makes sense

there’s a really shitty 1976 film called snuff and it led to loads of people thinking the pornographic murder in the film was actually real and happened. i want this for james. i want james to crave the money and power and status so bad that’s he’s willing to go to any lengths. he desires to have a name for himself in this industry and rosekiller have the ability to do that for him. they’re his best stars (yes, reg is his favourite but favourite ≠ best) and they make him a shit load of money. they’re on board with anything that james tells them to do and james takes their ideas with a grin on his face and the camera ready

one of the writers of snuff (shackleton) was interviewed and said: “if the murder is real, i’d be a fool to admit it. if it isn't real, i’d be a fool to admit it.” — this whole ambiguity reeks of director james and rosekiller. he has barty and evan make a shitty snuff film, one of them supposedly dies, it’s horrifically gory and perverted but it gives james the name he wanted

he’s so LA fame hungry, he wants the people in twenty years time to be asking stuff like “what ever happened to that actor evan what’s-his-name?” and that’s exactly what happens

james’ entire production company is cut after a series of investigations but he’s not bothered, evan and barty put his name on the map and he’s got loads of money to leave him comfortable until he dies. he packs his bags and takes his favourite star, regulus, to marbella and they live in a house by the beach where they “occasionally” still make shitty cam sex videos but it’s totally anonymous now

i'm not sure yet if i want this to be a full fic or just upload little things here and there on tumblr...

[indierpgnewsletter]

Recommendations: Books about RPGs

(This was first posted on the Indie RPG Newsletter.)

I’m always trying to level up my RPG knowledge and this has led me to look for books about RPGs. And there don’t seem to be that many! There are some academic books but while they have their strengths, easy reading isn’t one of them. Even as I wrestle with these academic texts (and I will emerge victorious), here are some books that are both interesting and fun to read:

Play Unsafe and Stealing Cthulhu by Graham Walmsley

Play Unsafe is a book of RPG advice. It’s a quick read (quicker than its 82 pages would suggest) and has some really gentle, grounded advice. For example:

If, while gaming, you can’t be clever or try hard, what can you do? The answer is: be obvious. Do the obvious thing: the thing that obviously happens next in the story; the thing that you think everyone expects to happen. Paradoxically, that obvious thing may, to everyone else , seem original and brilliant.

Stealing Cthulhu, by the same author, is about how to take inspiration from the stories of HP Lovecraft in a way that makes your own cosmic horror games feel fresh and unique.

Age of Ravens: Vol 1 and Vol 2 by Lowell Francis

These are two collections of various essays originally published on the Age of Ravens blog, formatted for easy reading. They’re essentially a greatest hits collection and do a good job of that. Volume I: Running has some of my favourite articles about running conspiracies, one shots, online games, and more. Volume II: Tools is mostly resources for play: story seeds and ideas to drop into your game whether sci-fi heists or apocalyptic hexcrawls. They aren’t connected by theme so you mostly can just dip in and out of them.

Unchained Mysteries by Jessie Burneko

Unchained Mysteries is a passionate call to ditch clue-based mystery design. Instead, the book proposes coming up with much more richly-layered scenarios where the players are drawn into a crime or crisis with no easy solution, where the players are caught up in a web of NPCs who are actively dealing with the situation, rather than passively waiting for someone to solve their problems. It ends up at around 100 pages so there’s real meat there if you want to engage with it.

The entire Knutepunkt line

Knutepunkt is one of the biggest larp events in the world - half conference, half festival, full of larps and talks and so on. Since 2001, they’ve been publishing books with essays (some more academic than others) about larp. They’re very well-respected. And as Evan Torner explained to me, if you’re not interested in larp, you can just mentally replace the word larp with TTRPG and still get lot out of these books. I’m nowhere close to finishing them but felt like I had to share them anyway. (Thanks to reader Mo, here’s the link to the books.)

The Ultimate RPG Gameplay Guide by James D’Amato

I have not finished this yet either but I can already tell the voice of the Ultimate RPG Gameplay Guide should resonate with newer players who don’t have a lot of set ideas about RPGs already. The author is the founder of the One Shot podcast network and clearly has a philosophy of play. For example, the first chapter is titled “Understanding Audience” and basically uses the idea that everyone has preferences in what they consume (books, moves, etc) to segue into the idea that RPGs emerge out of everyone’s shared preferences. It’s an interesting approach and if you want to know more, there’s a nice review here.