#evan buckley hurt/comfort

[redocity]

— H U R T / C O M F O R T ✦ˎˊ˗

[ pair. ] evan buckley x reader

[ fics. ] three

main masterlist.

moving on. | 2.3k | fem!reader

buck was finally taking the step to move out of abby's apartment, except it's not exactly that easy.

push through. | 3.0k | gn!reader

Being sick and being a firefighter were two things that should never exist at the same time. when you push yourself a little too hard and end up collapsing, buck gets more than a little worried.

R&R. | 1.2k | gn!reader

after your surgery, buck will be damned if he lets you so much as lift a finger.

[wikiangela]

you're my happily ever after (so i'll take my chance now, risk it all somehow)

rating: G

words: 2.6k

8x06 fix-it, because I'm pissed - I or my fics aren't going anywhere tho <3

thank you to @evansboyfrend for beta reading, ily 🫶

[also on Ao3]

It feels like the whole world is crumbling down. It feels like the Earth should shake, burst on fire, open up and swallow everything around. As dramatic as it is, he kind of expects it to happen, and it’s weird that he’s still sitting here. His ears are ringing, panic rising in his chest with each of Tommy’s words. He watches Tommy get up and head for the door, and he’s frozen to his spot. It’s not- it can’t be. It fucking can’t be. “Wait,” he finally manages to say, trying to keep his voice from trembling, “did you just break up with me?” He asks, hoping to any entity that listens that he just misinterpreted it, that he got it wrong. Because- because he can’t lose Tommy. He’s falling for him so fast and so hard. He’s ready for the next step. He’s ready to move in together. He’s ready to talk about one day, eventually, maybe getting married. He knows he wants that. He knows what he wants, and he wants Tommy.  “Yeah, I guess I did.” Tommy answers, glancing back at him, his expression sad but firm. But Buck knows him. Knows that this mask will crumble into something devastated as soon as he leaves. That Tommy’s heart will shatter, just as Buck’s is right now. He can see through Tommy, he knows that he cares about Buck. It just- it doesn’t make sense. What was he even talking about… It was all so much, so fast, Buck’s brain is still scrambling trying to understand it all.  “Believe me, I didn’t see-” Tommy starts, but Buck shakes his head and interrupts him. “No.” He stands up, his legs feeling shaky. Tommy fully turns towards him, confusion in his face. “What do you mean, ‘no’?” He frowns.

“I mean, no, you’re not breaking up with me.” Buck says more confidently than he feels. Because this can’t be it. The last six months, the best six months of his fucking life, can’t end like this. Can’t end at all. He won’t have this. “I know you care about me. And I care about you. And I don’t want to break up.” He sees Tommy open his mouth to speak, his expression hardening – putting on a mask again, trying to hide the hurt. He speaks again before Tommy can. “If you truly, genuinely want this, not because you think it’s gonna be better for me or you, but because you don’t want to be with me, fine, I can respect that. But I won’t accept it without a fight. I- I wanna fight for us, Tommy.” Buck steps closer to him, hoping that Tommy doesn’t step back, that might just break him. He doesn’t, he’s stuck in place, sad eyes on Buck’s. “Let me fight for us. You-” he adds quickly, on a roll now, not wanting Tommy to interrupt until after he’s done, after he’s said his piece. He needs to say it all now, let Tommy know how he feels. He can’t watch him leave without trying to fix it first. Tommy’s looking at him intently, just listening, not even trying to speak. “You gave me a second chance once, when I fucked up our first date, and I- I want to believe it wasn’t for nothing. So- so you’re my first man, so what?” Buck throws his hands up in frustration, he thinks he’s starting to sound a little frantic, speaking faster and faster. He just can’t let Tommy leave without him knowing exactly how Buck feels. “It’s far from my first relationship ever. Why- why is it so different just because you’re a man? It shouldn’t be. I don’t need to date other people, experiment or whatever else. I’ve dated people, slept around, did it all. I know how that goes, how it feels, and I don’t want to do it again. I know what I want, Tommy. And I want you. And don’t you dare tell me how I feel.” He feels anger seep in, Tommy’s words ringing in his head. What the actual fuck was he thinking? “I’m a grown man, I know how I feel. Yeah, it’s new and exciting, but it’s also real. It’s real to me, and- and if there’s any chance of forever, I want to take it. And-” he takes a breath. He feels like he’s been speaking in one breath, feeling a little lightheaded now, his heart hammering. Or maybe that’s just the panic. “And don’t start with the whole ‘I’m not your last’ bullshit.” He shakes his head again, tears welling up in his eyes, anger still building. Really, what in the world? How could Tommy want to just throw away the most wonderful relationship that’s happened to Buck in years? Maybe ever? “You don’t know that. I don’t know that. Yeah, we could break up one day. But you could also be my forever, and I could be yours. I’d love a chance to find out, even if it hurts in the end. But maybe that’s just me. Maybe I’m the only one here brave enough to risk it. And- and what about my heart, huh?” Tears are threatening to spill, his voice shaking now, with sadness and anger, and desperation. He can’t let him go, he can’t. “You said I’d break your heart eventually. But this, right now? This is you breaking mine.” He finishes, almost panting now, his monologue taking the wind out of him, wanting to say everything on his mind, in his heart. He hopes he got his point across. 

“Evan.” Tommy just whispers, with a pained expression. There are tears in his eyes, too, one lone one slipping through, falling down his cheek. Buck’s hand itches to reach out and wipe it off, but he’s not sure if he’s allowed to anymore. 

“Give us a chance, Tommy. Let us fight for this. Fight for me, for us. Fight with me.” He’s aware he sounds like he’s begging at this point, but he doesn’t care. This is too important. “I thought it’s been so good between us lately-”

“It has!” Tommy rushes to say. “It’s been amazing. You make me so happy. That’s why I’m scared, I just- I’m sorry, Evan, but I can’t let myself get hurt like this again. Because I- I’ve been there before, and it was hard to get back up, and with you- I don’t think I’d be able to ever recover from this one.” He admits, his stone-faced facade crumbling, and Buck can see his own feelings reflected in Tommy’s expression. Sad, devastated, heartbroken. 

“We can- we can take some time apart.” Buck says around a lump in his throat. He feels like he can’t breathe. All he wants is to rewind until before he dropped the moving in bomb which must be what made Tommy freak out. He could say anything else, and take it slower, and maybe they’d be on their way out right now, a date night like they planned. “If that’s what you need. A break. But not for good. And then let’s come back to it clear-headed, knowing for sure what we want. And if you still want to break up, I- I’ll respect that. But I already know what I want,” he repeats firmly, decisively. “I want a future with you. I want to move in together, and one day down the line get married, and- and I want it all with you. We can slow down if I’m rushing this. I tend to do that, and if it’s scaring you, I’m sorry.” He adds, not wanting to backtrack any of this, but aware of how intense he’s coming off. He’s never been more serious about anything in his life. “But the past six months have been the best in my life. I’ve never felt so happy, so free, so comfortable, so safe. And I’m not giving up on you, Tommy. I will fight for you until I can’t anymore, until you tell me that you don’t care about me and I should just fuck off.”

“Evan. You know I’ll never say that.” Tommy responds quietly.

“I know. Because I’m confident in us, in the fact that you do care, and you do want me. I know that.” Buck emphasizes, and realizes, not for the first time, that he never felt like this before. This secure. This confident about someone wanting him. “I also know you’re just trying to protect yourself, your heart, and I get it. But I can’t let you go without a fight. I won’t. I messed up a lot in my life, and I won’t mess up this. I refuse to. Because I-” he takes a sharp breath, the words pressing on his lips. He doesn’t want to say it for the first time in a possible break up, a moment of such anger and devastation. But he needs to put it all out there. Needs Tommy to understand how much he’s trying to throw away right now. “I love you, Tommy.” He confesses, sees Tommy’s face melt into the saddest expression Buck’s ever seen on anyone, tears spilling freely now. Both of theirs, he realizes, feeling wetness on his cheeks. “I’ve been falling for you a little bit more with each day we spend together, with each minute. And I know- I hope you feel the same. But if you can look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t-” he swallows thickly, the thought alone is too much to bear. 

“I can’t do that.” Tommy interrupts quickly. “Of course I love you, Evan. It happened so quickly it kind of scared me a little.” 

“I noticed.” Buck says dryly, and Tommy lets out a humorless chuckle. “If you ask me, which you didn’t, by the way, you decided for both of us, which was an asshole move,” he points out, and Tommy looks away, as if ashamed. Good. Buck loves him, which means he’s gonna call out when he’s acting shitty. “I’d rather give us a real try and get my heart shattered if it comes to this, instead of always wondering what if, always wondering if you’re my one who got away. Which you would be.”

“I’m sorry.” He shakes his head, takes a step towards Buck, now just half a step away. “I’m sorry, maybe breaking up is too hasty. Impulsive,” he scoffs at himself, probably remembering how he called Buck that just a few minutes ago. Well, so maybe they’re both a little impulsive. Not a problem, in Buck’s opinion. “I don’t- I don’t want to break up. I never want to be away from you.” He says, his voice barely above a whisper. His hand flinches at his side, like he wants to reach out, grab Buck’s, touch him. Buck hopes he does. “It just- it seemed too fast. Like you got wrapped up in the moment. It’s still so new, I thought we were taking it one step at a time, and I didn’t-” he takes a deep breath, as if bracing himself, and Buck knows what he says is going to sting – and it does, it feels like a gut punch, actually, “I didn’t think you were as serious about this as I was getting. And I realize we should’ve done the mature thing and talked it out. I’m sorry. It’s just, we’ve barely talked about any future here. But I want it, of course I do. I’m just- I’m scared. My heart has never been in this much danger.” He looks into Buck’s eyes as he says it, more vulnerable than ever. This is everything Buck wants right now, for them to talk, to discuss this, to try fixing it, instead of one of them running away and the other giving up and not fighting for it. Buck’s been there, he doesn’t want a repeat.

“Tommy.” Buck is the one to close the distance between them, carefully brings his hands up to cup Tommy’s face, giving him a chance to back away, but he doesn’t. Instead, he breathes out a sigh of relief, like he craved Buck’s touch as much as Buck craves his. “You remember when I told you I wanted something with you? Even though I didn’t know what that something was yet?” he asks and Tommy nods slightly, Buck’s palms still resting on his cheeks. “I’ve been serious about you since that precise moment. About pursuing this, and wanting some kind of future with you. I know I tend to rush into things, it’s been a problem before.” He huffs a self-deprecating laugh. “I tried not to do that with you, but I failed, clearly. I just think from now on, we both should stay and talk and try to work it out if we have any issues with something. If you still want me.” He adds a little anxiously, but relaxed when he feels Tommy’s palms settle on his hips.

“Of course I want you, Evan. I always will.” Tommy says, that loving look in his eyes, that always makes Buck’s heart melt a little. That look that Buck loves so much, that made him think that Tommy might feel the same way.

“Good. Like I said, I’m not letting you go. Ever.” He says decisively, a huge weight that’s been there since the topic even started finally lifting off his chest. This might be the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and no matter the conclusion – which he’s pretty sure will be the happily ever after he’s always craved – it’s worth the risk, it’s worth everything.

“Good.” Tommy echoes, that gorgeous, scrunchy smile of his slowly spreading on his face, and it’s like sunshine came out from behind stormy clouds. “I don’t intend on letting you go, either. I love you, sweetheart. And I’m so sorry for… for this mess. For overreacting.”

“That’s fine, we’re past this- well, actually, we are gonna talk about it more, but at least we’re on the same page now, I hope.” Buck says, slowly leaning in. “I love you so much. I never want to lose you.”

“I’m sorry.” Tommy says again, and Buck just wants him to stop saying it. It’s fine, they’re fine now. “You won’t. You have me for as long as you want. I promise.”

“What if I want you forever?” Buck whispers, his face so close to Tommy's, their lips almost brush. It sends a shiver down his spine, like he hasn’t kissed him in days, when they just exchanged a quick kiss hello a few minutes ago.

“That works for me.” Tommy smiles again, and finally dives in for a kiss, but it lasts barely a second before he’s pulling away, Buck trying to follow. Tommy chuckles, running a comforting hand up and down Buck’s side. “But maybe let’s put a pause on the whole moving in together thing, huh? At least until we fully talk everything through.”

“Yeah, good idea.” Buck nods, his gaze flickering between Tommy’s eyes, now sparkling happily, and his pretty, kissable lips. It feels so good to be able to just have a mature conversation and resolve whatever issues arise. If they keep doing that, he thinks they’re going to be okay. He’ll make sure of that. “No need to be impulsive,” he adds, his lips twisting into a teasing smirk.

“Okay.” Tommy chuckles quietly, his cheeks reddening. “Just kiss me.” 

Buck doesn’t need to be told twice. He kisses Tommy like he means it, like he’s his person, like he’s the love of his life, trying to put all those emotions into a kiss. He knows for sure he’s getting the same intent back. And at this moment, in his kitchen, narrowly avoiding losing his love because of a stupid reason, he decides it. One day, not too quickly, but not too far into the future, he’s going to ask Tommy Kinard to marry him. And he’s more than sure of the response he’ll get.

[also on Ao3]

[beyourownanchor6]

—chris doesn't come back au is finally here ya'll!! not only is this the longest fic i've ever written, but it's also my 200th buddie fic!! thank you to everyone who's encouraged me on this journey; can't wait to take ya'll on this angst fest 🫶🏻

rated: e | words: 110k | ch. 14/14 | read on ao3

summary:

Christopher was gone, missing.

It wasn’t anyone’s fault, but as Eddie watched the man he loved break right in front of him, he knew Buck blamed himself, that the guilt was already eating him alive.

Eddie had the urge to be in two places at once, wanting to comfort Buck, but needing to find his son. Chris was his whole world; Buck had stepped right into it.

They didn’t find Chris that night, or the next. He was gone, swept away with the storm. Some things floated back to shore, while others, well—they were lost forever.

—or—

After the tsunami, Christopher goes missing. He doesn’t come back, at least, not right away. This is NOT mcd.

THIS FIC IS COMPLETE!

tagging squad below, just lmk if you wanna be added or removed <3

tags: @loserdiaz @redlightsandicedtea @loveyourownsmiilee @monsterrae1 @bi-buckrights @swiftiebuckleyhan @honestlydarkprincess @queerbuckleys @spotsandsocks @justsmilestuffhappens @eddiiediaz @djdangerlove @eddiebabygirldiaz @elvensorceress @jackluvsdaniel @stanningsky @wh0re-behavi0r @ronordmann @spaceprincessem @transbuck @giddyupbuck @wildlife4life @betty-boom @hippolotamus @thewolvesof1998 @watchyourbuck @underwaterninja13 @pirrusstuff @nmcggg @theotherbuckley @louis-tenn @the-gayest-wug @buckley-diaz-rules @muppetbuddie @gamer-kai @blorbodiaz @saybiwithme @trashbaget @steadfastsaturnsrings @bibuckbuckgoose @wikiangela @hobbitnarwhal @shortsighted-owl @pirrusstuff @goldencherrymooon @kinardbuckley @daffi-990 @greenfairrryy @mattsire

[thatmexisaurusrex]

What if in the big first disaster mini-arc of season 8, Tommy's helicopter crashes close to where the 118 are. Gerrard decides that the helicopter, and everyone that is in it, is a lost cause and that they shouldn't be wasting resources or his team trying to help anyone out of the crash. What if the entire team mutinies to go find Tommy, his team, his helicopter, and the patients he was transporting?

What if the people in the helicopter crash are scattered - some in the helicopter, some flung out of it? What if Tommy was one of the people flung out of the helicopter; lost and out of range?

What if the 118 manages to find the helicopter, only to see that Tommy is missing? But they have to secure the scene, they have to call for back up, they have to make sure everyone still in the helicopter is okay. But maybe Hen takes over the scene and tells Chimney and Buck to keep searching the woods for other survivors.

And Buck feels guilty that he's relieved that Hen chose him to go sift through the woods of this mountain for other survivors, but there's really no time to think about that. There's no time at all.

Lives are on the line.

Tommy is out there.

And in the woods, Tommy is hurt. He's hurt, but he can hear someone calling for help. So, he moves despite knowing full well that might be bad for him. He moves because he's a first responder and will always try to help someone in need. And he finds one of his patients worse off than before. And he feels guilt that due to bad weather conditions and how the fire in the woods traveled (did I not say there was a fire? There's a fire and it's threatening to reach their side of the mountain at any moment), he lost control of the helicopter (and I would like to think there would be another twist too, like the 118 find something was already messed up with the helicopter to begin with, so it was a miracle that Tommy could even fly it at all).

But Tommy could do this.

He could save this one person.

So, Tommy's doing his best. He's working through his own pain as he puts a splint on this person's leg, as he pops this person's dislocated arm back in, as he makes the split decision to burn a cut closed because he doesn't have the supplies and that was the best he could do without the person bleeding out during a hike. And he makes a fucking board out of low branches he rips off trees. And, damn it, he knows his radio is basically busted, but he tries for help, only getting broken static back.

But he is going through.

He just can't hear the other end.

But his words are getting through the radio - they're reaching Buck. And Buck is desperately trying to answer back, he's trying to far longer than he should, he should have realized the first four tries that Tommy can't here him.

But he knows which direction Tommy is going. Because he and Tommy hiked up this mountain before. Buck knows which trail Tommy is trying to get to, so it's a race against time - will Buck and Chimney get to Tommy and the patient before the fire gets to them?

And the answer is that they get there just as the fire does. Nipping at Tommy's heels, but it ends up being stopped by a water drop just in time. Tommy is stunned when he sees Chimney and Evan, he's truly stunned.

He didn't think anyone heard him.

He didn't think they were going to be found in time.

And Buck calls it in, asks for backup, asks for help. Chimney checks on the person Tommy did first aid on.

And Tommy.

And Buck.

They run to each other.

They collapse into each other's arms. Exhausted and running on adrenaline alone. And they're checking if the other is okay - both are very worse for wear. And things seem okay as they wait for help to get to them. Things are going great for Hen too, she successfully saves everyone else in the helicopter crash with Eddie and Ravi's help.

But then.

A tree nearby is unstable.

Tommy sees it just in time.

And Tommy pushes Chimney out of the way, only to be caught under the tree.

And this is bad.

Back breaking bad.

Body crushing bad.

Buck tries not to panic, but it's clear this has shaken him. Chimney is doing his best and is calling for more help.

Help gets there, help finally gets there. And they manage to pull the tree off Tommy. Buck rides with Tommy to the hospital, holding his hand. He paces, distressed, as he waits for the longest surgery in his life.

And Tommy? Tommy should make it. But he's out, he's been put into a medically induced a coma as he heals. And at first, that's okay. Buck can be there. He can make sure Tommy's warm. He can hold Tommy's hand and read to him, and sleep in a rolled in bed.

Until that stops.

Mysteriously, he's not allowed into Tommy's room.

He's not allowed any information.

He's not Tommy's family.

And Tommy's parents are, somehow, technically still Tommy's next of kin - they're in charge of his medical treatment. They're in charge of who sees him.

Buck tries to explain who he is.

They reject the very idea of it.

And it's devastating. Buck didn't think about this. He didn't know this could happen. Tommy hadn't spoken to his parents in over twenty years, yet they're just allowed to come and do this to him.

Buck doesn't know what to do. He can't eat. He can't sleep. People have to force him to do anything for himself as he wonders how Tommy's parents are treating him.

Are they reading to him? Are they spending time with him? Are they making sure he's warm? Are they doing anything at all? Is this all for spite?

Somehow, other people are allowed to visit.

Just not Buck.

Buck is blacklisted.

Eddie is allowed; Christopher too. Chimney, somehow; probably because Tommy had saved his life. Maddie, even. Hen isn't, they can tell something is queer about Hen. Ravi isn't either. Bobby was allowed at first, before he made a case to the Kinards to let Buck see Tommy and it went south.

But definitely not Buck.

And Buck? Buck is camped out in the waiting room. The waiting room he kissed Tommy in. He basically has grown a short beard in that waiting room, he hasn't been shaving.

And all Buck can ask when he sees Eddie or Chimney or Maddie is - how is he doing? Is he doing okay? Is his favorite blanket still on him? What did you talk to him about? What did you read him? How did he look?

And the nurses - they know Buck. They've known him for years. And some take pity on him one night, and let him at least near the room when the parents are gone.

And the parents file for a restraining order against Buck, but it was worth it just to see Tommy.

Tommy looked better than last time.

That was good.

That was what mattered.

And a few more days go by like that with Buck in the waiting room, unable to leave.

Until Tommy wakes up.

He wakes up.

He asks his parents to leave.

He asks for Evan.

And a band of nurses and maybe Chimney rush over and tell Buck the news.

And Buck is running.

Sprinting.

To get to Tommy's room.

He knows where it is.

He memorized where the room was.

And he sees Tommy awake.

And part of him hadn't realized that he wasn't sure if Tommy would wake up. That some little, horrible part of him thought that Tommy would never wake up and he would never see Tommy again.

Tommy makes a joke about how Evan looks like a caveman.

Buck laughs. And cries. And sobs as he rushes frantically over to Tommy and collapses into a hug.

Tommy holds Buck as best as he can in his state while mumbling fondly that Evan smells like a caveman too. Buck offers to go, get cleaned up, but Tommy holds onto him.

Asks Evan to stay.

Apologizes for his parents, that he hadn't expected them to come. That he is going to change his will as soon as he can.

And he just wants Evan there.

With him.

And Buck stays.

[ made a fic based on this on AO3 in my Denial-Verse series ]

[do-androids-dream-ao3acc]

Starts With a Spark, Then It's a Wildfire

[Buck/Tommy post break-up, 2,064 words; Angst]

It’s a bad time for the call.

Tommy's thumb has been hovering over Buck's name in his phone for a few days, yearning to ask for forgiveness, for understanding, for… anything, really. He hasn’t hit the button, not for a text, not for a call. It’s been a strange way to end a relationship, but he’s had worse, and he guesses Ev… Buck’s had them, too. He’s probably hurt now, confused, but he’ll get over it.

Or maybe he won’t, because it’s been nearly two weeks and he chooses the worst time to call Tommy. He considers not even picking up, just let this one go to voicemail. For some reason, he doesn’t.

„Buck,“ he says, trying to sound casual and busy at the same time, even if he’s only one of these things. „Not a good time, I’m on shift and there’s…“

There’s a sigh on the other end, a peculiar sound; like he’s waited, maybe for days, to muster the strength to finally call. It’s just… Tommy can’t deal with that right now, and it’s not because he doesn’t want to. So many mixed feelings stir up the tight knot in his stomach that’s sitting there since 11 days. 11 days and 14 hours, to be precise.

„There’s been an accident, I believe,“ he continues, quickening his pace, „something for AirOps. I need to go.“

Is he babbling? It sure sounds like it. He doesn’t owe the man any explanation. Does he?

„It’s me.“

His voice is but a breath, and there’s something in it that makes Tommy turn a corner. It’s the worst time, but he presses himself against a wall as if he’d something to hide. Well, not rushing to an emergency, that’s what he’s hiding right now, isn’t it?

„What?“ he asks, a little sharper than intended.

„It’s me. I’m the accident.“

Is… is he laughing? Is he drunk? Tommy’s fingers are itching to press the button, to stop this ridiculous call. He should’ve never picked up in the first place. Worst part is that he now feels sorry for himself, he’s disappointed without really knowing why.

„Buck,“ he says in the coldest tone possible, „don’t call me at work. I’m gonna go now.“

„Wait. I’m sorry.“

Another sigh, a peculiar wet sound. Like he’s been crying. Or…

„I’m t-the accident, Tommy. I’m 32-year old male stuck in a car dangling on unfinished bridge. That’s w-why they called AirOps, I guess.“

He’s starting to stutter. Right now, Tommy hates that he knows this, but it means he’s scared. Of all the things in the world Tommy doesn’t want his ex-boyfriend to be, it’s scared. Then the words hit home, and the knot in his stomach turns to ice. Tommy doesn’t even notice that he starts moving again. He almost runs into Moore, he’s always the last to enter the engine. The man’s still holding a sandwich, some sort of sauce dripping from his chin as he frantically stuffs the rests of it in his mouth.

„Where’s the accident?“ Tommy urges.

„Uh, on the 110, near the exit of Adams Boulevard. Guy must have missed some warning signs,“ Moore replies.

Tommy runs past him, up the stairs to the helipad, thinking he has missed a couple of those, right. Is that thought fair? It doesn’t matter now. He tells Buck to stay on the phone; in the helicopter, he mounts the device on a holder beneath the window pane with slightly trembling fingers. This way, he can connect it to the helicopter’s communication system and still hear Buck with his headphones on.

„Talk to me,“ he says, hopefully sounding like someone who has it all under control, while he starts the machine. „How did this happen?“

„H-how?“

There’s this small chuckle in his voice again. It’s inappropriate, totally out of place. He’s in shock, and so afraid, yet he’s still trying to be brave about it. Tommy’s heart aches at the thought.

„Don’t you mean why? Why d-did it happen. Why did you leave just like that?“

Tommys right hand grips the cyclic a little too hard. If he doesn’t focus, he’ll make a mistake; he can’t do that because a life depends on him. Depends on him being faster than the ground crew, because he knows that at this hour, with the usual traffic, the necessary tools and gear will never reach the bridge in time. And maybe it doesn’t matter how it happened, actually. How, on a perfectly normal day, Evan Buckley has somehow missed some road signs, took a wrong turn, or maybe, just maybe, deliberately steered his car onto an unfinished bridge. Either way, it’s a painful thought, because Tommy is to blame for it, isn’t he. 11 days, 14 hours, 35 minutes; the longest they’ve neither texted nor called each other since that fateful hospital wedding. The night in which Buck decided he wanted to be with him, full stop. Tommy is to blame he let the man inside his heart, and he’s to blame for apparently breaking it.

The city lights far, far beneath him blur, and he blinks. It's his own fault that he allowed such a vulnerable, sensitive, wonderful guy to become infatuated with him. His fault he felt the same. Feels, actually. Because there’s not just fear for Buck’s life, a deep dread turning the knuckles of his fingers around the cyclic white. There’s so much more. He needs to focus, he needs him to stay awake until help arrives. Until he arrives.

„That’s not the question right now,“ he says, his eyes searching the streets for striking landmarks. „I need to know where you’re hurt. Tell me what’s wrong, let’s focus on that.“

„Why?“ The question comes in a matter-of-fact tone. „You’re not a paramedic. You’re called because the situation is dire, Tommy, beyond my injuries. A-and I… I’m not even sure where exactly I’m hurt. But I know i-it’s bad.“

He pauses to suck in a breath; a painful, shaky sound. Tommy listens to the radio with half an ear, but not a single fire station is within a 10 minute reach, and his own department – just like the 118, he suspects –may violate a couple of road rules yet they will still not reach the bridge in time.

„My c-car,“ Buck continues slowly, „the rear end… well, it might just topple any minute now. I hardly dare to breathe, Tommy, a-and it hurts anyway. Maybe I’ll just stop breathing until somebody arrives.“

This time, his laughter is chopped and not at all cheerful.

„You won’t stop breathing.“

It’s not a statement, it’s an order. Tommy is almost surprised of himself – that’s his military voice, there hasn't been the need or the want to use that voice, to recall that part of him for a long time.

„I don’t know what else to do,“ says Buck, suddenly sounding so young. „I… I just wanted to hear your voice. In case… you know. But n-now that I hear it, I’m just s-sad. Because you d-didn’t… you didn’t explain.“

„That’s not true,“ Tommy softly replies.

He still can’t see the half-finished bridge, though GPS and the map in his mind tell him he’s getting closer; way closer than any EMT on the ground, he can tell that from the radio. Not much time has passed. Blinking at the slowly darkening horizon, Tommy inwardly pleads the universe for more time. His mind is not ready to fathom the idea of this being their last call. He’s missed this voice so much, it’s haunted his dreams. 11 days, 14 hours, 38 minutes, 12 seconds.

„Y-you told me… you said you’re afraid I’d break your heart,“ Buck says. „I’ve been dumped before, but never for that r-reason.“

There’s a moment of silence, and Tommy glances at his phone. He can hear him breathe; strained, choppy sniffs that don’t bode well.

„Pretty sure that’s not the only thing I said.“

Maybe that was too harsh. It’s just… has that man ever considered that Tommy’s hurting, too? He clings to that thought, trying to stir up some anger inside. If there must be any feelings when he meets him, let it be resentment.

„No, it’s not, you said something else that… t-that hurt me, Tommy.“

Oh, great. As if he doesn’t know this break-up out of the blue was hurtful. It was just easy to pretend they would get over it soon. Six months, that’s not such a long time, right?

„I’m sorry,“ he softly replies, and he is. Maybe it was inevitable to hurt him, but that doesn’t mean he’s not regretting it. God, he’s regretting so much.

„You said you’re not my last. Ah man, that hurts.“

Another sharply sucked-in breath makes this remark pretty multi-layered.

„I’m sorry,“ Tommy repeats, staring down at the city. Only 1 or 2 more minutes, he implores the sky. He can almost see the bridge.

„You better be, b-because you can’t know that, Tommy. You can’t just assume I’m gonna grow tired of you because the world is full of other people I haven’t… I haven’t tried. That’s insulting, you know? I was no virgin before you, and it’s not sex that has me… has me orbiting you like a s-satellite.“

„Maybe I’ve drawn the wrong conclusions,“ Tommy says, just to keep him talking. There’s the part of the highway they never finished, the bridge that cost the city a fortune but was never completed because of financial cuts. Ironic, isn’t it? They’d rather stop, even if reaching the other side seems so close. Cut the cord, dismiss everything you’ve already reached. There’s a pattern Tommy knows all too well.

„And now I’ve realized that’s the problem. I’ve been orbiting you. As if you’d been my awakening experience, larger than life.“

„I’m only human.“

„Right. I know that now. We should’ve spend more time talking. I should’ve listened to what you’ve experienced. You’ve been hurt, Tommy, I’ve figured that, and I… I never asked you about it. You wanna know what I think?“

There’s a car on the unfinished end of the bridge, just as expected; but knowing what will come never helps ease the pain. It’s dangling over the concrete, looks like one false move might topple it. It’s a miracle that hasn’t already happened. Tommy carefully lowers the helicopter. There’s sirens in the distance, and he realizes he needs help. He can’t do this alone, what was he even thinking? AirOps is the eye in the sky, a means for faster transportation, yes; but he can’t lift a car with his helicopter. You’re an idiot, he scolds himself. It’s just about being fast. Being first. How ironic.

„I’m here,“ he says. „I’ll try to land on that bridge, but I’ll need to do that far enough so the wind of my rotors doesn’t…“

„I think,“ Buck continues as if he’s not heard him, „you left me because you love me. That’s stupid, T-Tommy.“

He coughs, and now he sounds as if he’s almost choking. There’s a sharp and cold pain gripping Tommy’s guts, because he might still be too late.

„Keep talking to me,“ he urges, his eyes searching the ground for a proper landing spot.

„But is it true?“

He sounds tired now, tired and worn out, yet that’s not why Tommy decides it’s time for the truth.

„It is,“ he quietly replies, focusing on the controls. „It’s true. Sometimes, you need to shut your heart because loving hurts more than leaving.“

„That much is true,“ Buck says. His words are merely a whiff now. „Because I love you, and it hurts.“

The helicopter’s skids touch the ground, and Tommy is already tearing at the door. The air is now filled with the wailing of sirens, the red light already flashing in his eyes. He runs, but it seems to take like forever. Forever can be 30 seconds. Half a year. 11 days, 14 hours, 40 minutes, 10 seconds, 50 milliseconds.

If necessary, he will use all his weight to prevent the car from tipping over, he thinks. Still, he’s not prepared for what he sees when he finally reaches the driver’s door. The sight burns itself deep inside his memory: there’s blood everywhere, shards of glass, something sharp protruding, but most of all,

„Evan,“ he says.

Again. Finally. Forever.

[AO3] | All my BuckTommy on AO3

[buddierecs]

hurt/comfort buddie fics.

all of these are general audience, teen and up or not rated (no smut) make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

a leaf falls on loneliness (highly recommend this fic!!) by: iimpossible_things "buck doesn’t think that if he were to say, “i’m in a bad place”, that anyone would turn him away. really, he doesn’t. the 118 has too many good, kind people for that. but every time he wants to open his mouth, to say something, to reach out to eddie or bobby or hen or chim, he hears eddie yelling, “you’re exhausting.” —you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting— so each day he does his job and he laughs and he jokes and he pretends he’s the care-free goofball he’s always been. And each day he packs away his bruises and his worries, takes them home to his empty loft with its quiet rooms, and licks his wounds in silence." word count: 11k important tags: angst, fluff, happy ending, orginal male character blue skies by: spaceprincessem "buck meets another savior baby and everything comes crashing down" word count: 36k important tags: my sisters keeper au, original characters, ptsd, nightmares, emotional whump, evan buckley break down, getting together and i'm not good at winning fights anymore by: spaceprincessem "five times buck needs to feel eddie's heartbeat and the one time eddie needs to feel his" word count: 24k important tags: 5+1 things, whump, protective!eddie diaz, getting together, soft boys in love, ptsd give your heart and soul to charity by: 42hrb "eddie dumps god, gets some more therapy, accepts parts of himself he was taught to hate, loves his best friend, and loves himself" word count: 12k important tags: emotional hurt/comfort, pov eddie diaz, character study, catholic guilt, therapy, pining, getting together i could find you darling, in any life by: justhockey "buck and eddie meet in afghanistan. it changes everything." word count: 27k important tags: diferent first meeting au, army!eddie diaz, navy seal!evan buckley, emotional infidelity, slow burn, hurt/comfort, love confessions catharsis by: rogerzsteven "it only takes one minor inconvenience for buck to have his long overdue breakdown" word count: 5.3k important tags: emotional hurt/comfort, mental/emotional breakdown, bobby nash as evan buckley parent, multiple pov stay by: soft_satan buck’s voice was soft and hesitant, but full of patience when he finally spoke again. “did I do something to upset you, chris? i can leave—” "no!” chris whirled on him, a complete shift from the standoffish vibe he had been giving a second ago. the tears he bravely held back finally broke free from his eyes, sliding down his rosy cheeks from behind his glasses. he shook his head vehemently, the yellow crayon falling to the table. “no, I’m not mad. please…” his words turned to whimpers, his lip trembling. “please don’t leave me too.” word count: 31k important tags: whump, angst, family feels, found family, getting together, team as family

habits by: whileyouresleeping "buck's not sure what's going on when eddie starts kissing him on the head after a rough call, only now it's a thing, and it's a thing buck would very much like to continue if he knew what it meant." word count: 4.9k important tags: tooth-rotting fluff, mild hurt/comfort stick with you by soft_satan "eddie licked his dry lips as he reached for his radio, trying to keep his movements slow and delicate to prevent any more damage to himself or buck. “diaz to captain nash.” “go for nash,” came bobby’s quick reply. “you two okay? where are you?” “we’re in a bit of a sticky situation here…” “we’re a shish kabob, cap!” buck chimed in. eddie rolled his eyes" word count: 5.9k important tags: impalements, whump, getting together, love confessions, hurt!buddie still by: brewsrosemilk "for the first time, buck longs for a bullet wound to treat. dirt to dig at. a door to break through. something. there’s nothing. “your guess was correct, diaz,” the bomb technician tells them, as he gestures to the orange circle. “you’re standing on a large sensor plate, wired to a detonator. It’s incredibly important that you don’t move. don’t shift. when you put your weight down, it was like cocking a gun - you take your weight off, this thing is powerful enough to take the entire house with it." word count: 9.3k important tags: near death experience, love confessions, happy ending, first kiss

be my baby (i'll look after you) by: youdrewstarsaroundmyscars118 "buck finally breaks down after fixing everyone but himself" word count: 1.5k important tags: nightmares, ptsd, panic attacks, pet names, cuddling, pre-relationship, almost love confession i was made for you by: youdrewstarsaroundmyscars118 "buck’s taking care of christopher while eddie is in texas when chris gets sick and has to get surgery." word count: 5.3k important tags: sick!christopher diaz, parent evan buckley, hospitals, bobby nash is evan buckley's parent, getting together, 118 crew as family i know you're hurting (but so am i) by: justhockey "eddie understands better than maybe anyone else ever could, how it feels to have everything unravel in the palm of your hands. he knows frustration - he knows fury. he’s painfully familiar with that burning rage that crackles in the tips of your fingers, that makes your skin hot and chest tight, and makes you want to punch anyone that dares to even look at you. but that doesn’t give chim the right to lay a damn hand on buck" word count: 3.7k important tags: ptsd, feelings realisation, protective!eddie diaz, communication, 5x04 coda of bikes and concussions by: datleggy "buck gets into an accident on his way to work in the morning, and before he can explain why he's late, he gets thoroughly chewed out and the rest of his day goes way downhill from there." word count: 7.6k important tags: injured!evan buckley, misunderstandings, father-son relationship (buck and bobby), team as family it's okay by: itsmylifekay "buck gets hurt on a call and doesn’t tell anyone." word count: 11k important tags: injury, dissociation, buck needs a hug love language by: whileyouresleeping "eddie's love language is acts of service, and buck doesn't totally get it." word count: 6.4k important tags: mild hurt/comfort, pining, fluff, friends to lovers don't go without me by: ingu "there was a snap, and a crack, and buck was suddenly weightless. the car, the tree, eddie, everything was falling. buck was falling. falling." word count: 31k important tags: major character injury, pining, team as family, whump, love confessions, getting together accidental (please check tw!!) by: rosefield "post lawsuit, buck accidentally cuts his arm. he decides that maybe not getting help is best for everyone." word count: 36k important tags: depression, suicide attempt, post-lawsuit, worried!eddie diaz, happy ending

check out the recs for mature rating hurt/comfort fics :) explicit rating hurt/comfort fics

[wildlife4life]

8x01 Fuck-it Friday Coda

I'm back!!! The writing beans came to me and I had to write a post b-day scene. Hope ya'll enjoy!!! (Using this as my Fuck-it Friday as well!) Posted to A03 as well.

Tommy tried to apologize, tried to offer to help clean up, and suggested to give Buck a ride home. 

“Don’t” was Eddie’s first response before the apology could even get past the older man’s lips.

“I’ll deal with it later.” Was his second.

And Buck, merely shook his head and lead the pilot to the front door, hugging him in the doorway with too soft words Eddie doesn’t even try to catch.

He stays seated on the couch, laptop still closed, cone hate crushed in his fist and the stupid noise maker at his feet. Another birthday passing through a lagging computer screen. Another person he loves upset and angry for his choices.

Except there’s silence that echoes around him instead of the bustle of an army encampment. His body isn’t weighed down by miliary gear and the ever presence fear of dying in the sands of war.  Eddie is no longer that man in his early 20’s, running from his problems. Now he’s just a man in his mid-thirties, watching his son run away from him.

The couch dips to his right and warmth seeps into his numb body.  It spreads around his back and over his left shoulder.  The band of muscles around him, flex, pulling Eddie deeper and pushing the numbness further away.

Eddie doesn’t even try to fight it.  He closes his eyes, tipping his body sideways and burying his face into his best friend’s shoulder.

Buck doesn’t say anything.  He doesn’t try to apologize or offer to help clean, and he doesn’t suggest leaving Eddie to wallow alone. Because he doesn’t need to say any of those things.

Apologies from Buck aren’t going to salvage the failed birthday surprise.  Offers to clean the dollar store decorations and store-bought cupcakes will in no way make a dent in the disarray that is Eddie’s relationship with his son. And Eddie knows better than anyone, Buck is never going to leave him alone in this mess.

Side by side they sit in the silence that has been lingering since Christopher left for Texas.  Eddie breaths in the mixture of Buck’s cologne, laundry detergent, and something that is just uniquely Buck.  He takes breath after breath, and Buck matches each one with his own. Same rhythm. Same speed. Same heartache.

They sit there for minutes, hours, maybe even the rest of evening. The time didn’t matter, but this moment did, and Eddie needed to stay in it for just a little longer. He needed the line of warmth from Buck to chase away the remaining ache. He needed just a few more deep breaths with Buck’s scent lingering in the back of his throat. He needed Buck to keep holding onto him. He needed the silence to try and remember the echoes of previous birthdays where Christopher didn’t scoff, but smiled and laughed and returned his father’s hugs. He needed his son back.

But at this moment, his son didn’t need him.

It sobers Eddie, admitting that and he comes back to himself, breaking the bubble he secluded himself in with Buck.

He pulls his head from Buck’s shoulder and with a squeeze of his hand to Buck’s knee, Buck drops his arm, but the strength of his support remains. And when Eddie rises to his feet, disconnecting himself from Buck’s side, his warmth, his love, clings and doesn’t allow the numbness to return.

The silence is still there. The hurt and echoes of laughter’s past still resonance around them. There is still a mess. But Eddie isn’t alone with any of it.

Buck grabs the trash bag he laid out earlier and plucks the crumpled party hat from Eddie’s laxed grip. It makes the slightest rustle when dropped in the bag and again when followed by Buck’s red one.

“No cone hats next year, they’re uncomfortable.” Buck states as he tosses Tommy’s discarded blue hat in.

He reaches for the noise maker on the floor and Eddie manages to allow the smallest spark of hope to erupt with a tiny smile, “What do you suggest instead?”

The noise maker disappears into the trash bag and Buck’s eyes catch Eddie’s, lighting up with giddiness, “Depends.  Disney has the mickey ears, but what about universal? Shrek ears? Troll hair? Minion bald caps?”

A grand birthday plan is already in the works for Christopher’s 15th. Because Buck could see past pool clubs and renovation talks. He is seeing past the tangles in Eddie’s and Christopher’s distant relationship, beyond the anger and sadness.  His hope is larger than a single spark and one day, it will charge Eddie’s own.

One day, but not today.  So, Eddie shakes his head at Buck’s hat contemplations and makes his way over to the cupcake stand that is only missing one. “You’re baking these next year.” Eddie says softly.

Buck comes up behind him beaming, “You’re helping.”

Exactly what he needed to hear.

Tagging for fuck-it friday (no pressure): @colonoscopys @mattsire @bigfootsmom @tidesreach @kitteneddiediaz

@inell @pansysgothgf @smilingbuckley @shitouttabuck @dangerpronebuddie

@bucks-daddy-issues @tizniz @aroeddiediaz @cal-daisies-and-briars @lemonzestywrites

@diazsdimples @daffi-990 @diazheartsbuckley @transboybuckley @rainbow-nerdss

@theotherbuckley @lover-of-mine @jeeyuns @watchyourbuck @exhuastedpigeon

@spaceprincessem @starlingbite @glorious-spoon @jesuisici33 @hippolotamus

@prosperdemeter2 @try-set-me-on-fire @homerforsure @bekkachaos @honestlydarkprincess

@thekristen999 @sibylsleaves @mellaithwen @lonelychicago @tawaifeddiediaz

@fruitydiaz @monsterrae1 @elvensorceress @gayhoediaz @captain-hen

@eddiebabygirldiaz

[tryingtograspctrl]

NO TIME TO WASTE: EDDIE DIAZ X BLACK PLUS SIZE READER

SUMMARY: You had been Christopher's babysitter for the past three years, you fell in love with Eddie almost instantly and the feelings were mutual but the two of you didn't act on it trying to keep your relationship professional. When a robbery gone wrong nearly costs you your life he knows he has confess.

Warning: Mentions of shooting, beating, multiple injuries such as a gunshot wound and broken ribs, mentions of shock and guilt. I promise there’s a happy ending!

“Wait isn’t that…”

"My place." Eddie finished, a chill washing over him.

There were reports of a robbery at his house and the police requested that paramedics be on the scene with them, just in case.

The fire truck came to a stop and Eddie practically flew out of it. Barging through his front door, running through his house like a mad man, Buck not too far behind him.

He fell to his knees once he reached the living room, pure panic filling him.

"Y/n? Y/n! stay with me, stay with me please." He cried putting pressure on the gunshot wound near your chest.

You were unconscious, breathing shallow and there were bruises all over your face, one eye already turning a deep shade of purple.

"Are you okay? what happened?" He looked over at Christopher who was just as distraught as him.

"He shot her, he shot her!" The boy weeped, body shaking rapidly.

Buck wasted no time scooping him into his arms and carrying him away from the scene.

"Christopher, christopher get out of here, before he comes back." You mumbled incoherently as you came to.

"What the hell are you guys doing?! Get a gurney in here!" Eddie yelled looking around wildly.

"Eddie you have to step back so we can help her." Hen spoke gently behind him.

He stood on shakey legs, stepping back allowing Hen and Chimney to work on you.

He sped out of the door, taking Christopher from Bucks arms.

"Thank god you're okay." He kissed the boy’s head repeatedly, breathing heavily.

"She was trying to stop him and he beat her up dad, he just kept hitting her and hitting her." Chris spoke quietly in a state of shock.

Eddie and Buck shared a look of horror.

"He tried to hurt me but y/n stopped him... is y/n gonna die because of me?" He looked up at his father, eyes wide.

"Hey no, no buddy she's not gonna die, and it's not your fault okay? It's not your fault." Eddie sobbed holding the boy to his chest.

At the hospital

Eddie paced near the front desk, anxiously waiting to hear something, anything from the doctor about your condition.

"Eddie you need to sit down and try to breathe, it won't do you any good if you have a panic attack." Bobby placed a hand on his shoulder.

"How could i not? Someone broke into our house, tried to hurt my kid, beat y/n to a pulp and shot her!" He began to shake.

Bobby led him to a seat, Hen not far behind them doing her best to get him to calm down.

"Mr Diaz?" A doctor came over.

"Yes? Is she alright?" He stood. 

"Luckily the bullet went straight through, just barely missing her heart. She's got a couple broken ribs, a few bruises and a sprained ankle but other than that she'll be fine." The doctor said.

"Is she awake? Can we see her?" Bobby asked.

"Yes." The doctor nodded before walking off.

Eddie scooped up Christopher and rushed toward your room, the rest of the team following.

"Hi." You smiled weakly at everyone.

"Y/n i'm sorry." Christopher frowned walking toward your bed side.

"Sorry for what?" You asked frowning.

"This is all my fault." He began to cry.

"Hey don't say that." You did your best to sit up, wincing.

"You didn't do anything wrong, so don't go blaming yourself kid. I love you, and it's my job to protect you, i wasn't gonna let him hurt you, i'll never let anyone hurt you." You grabbed his hand.

"I'll take a thousand bullets to keep you safe, got that? Plus i'm still alive right? I got a cool story to tell now." You pinched his cheeks getting a giggle out of him.

"There's that smile, now no more tears." You wiped his face.

Everyone smiled at the sight before stepping out to give the three of you some room.

"You scared me." Eddie grabbed your hand kissing your knuckles lightly.

"Sorry." You sighed.

"You have nothing to apologize for, i was just so worried that.." He breathed shakily.

"Hey, i'm not going anywhere anytime soon. You're not gonna lose me." You stroked his cheek.

"You better not, i don't know what i'd do without the woman that i love beside me." He looked at you.

"Woman that you love?" You looked at him in surprise.

"Yes, i'm in love with you y/n and i'm tired of suppressing it. I wouldn’t know what to do without you or Christopher." He confessed.

"I'm in love with you too Eddie, and you won’t ever have to worry about any of that because like i said i’m not going anywhere and neither is Christopher.” You looked at him tenderly.

He leaned forward, capturing your lips in a gentle kiss.

"Heyyy i'm still here." Christopher groaned.

"Sorry bud." Eddie chuckled ruffling his hair.

Time skip.

A few days went by and you were finally able to check out of the hospital, you weren't completely healed but were well enough to be let go.

Athena and Bobby insisted that you Eddie and Christopher stay at their place for the time being, the guy had been caught but you could never be too safe, plus they had figured the three of you wouldn’t want to go back there so soon considering everything that happened.

They were throwing a party at the firehouse today to celebrate Maddie and Chimney's first wedding anniversary and you insisted on going.

It took a lot of convincing to get Athena to budge, she could be quite stubborn but she eventually gave in getting you and Christopher into the car and heading off.

She handed you your crutches as you hopped out of the car.

The three of you walked in Buck instantly grabbing Christopher, a bright smile on his face.

"What are you doing here you're supposed to be resting." Eddie frowned guiding you to a chair.

"Eddie if i spent another minute at the house i was gonna go insane." You huffed.

"I'm sorry baby i'm just worried." He pecked your cheek.

"I'm fine, doctor says i can get the cast taken off in a few more days so i'll be able to walk again, and my ribs don't even hurt that badly anymore." You explained.

"That's great." He smiled kissing you sweetly.

You melted grabbing onto the collar of his shirt.

"Ugh get a room." Chimney joked.

You both just laughed happy to finally be in each other's arms.

A/N - Had this idea written down for a couple days and i just got around to finishing it. I’ve been obsessed with Eddie lately. 🌻

[thekristen999]

Fight In the Shadows (Now Complete)

Chapters 5, 6, & Conclusion

Buck/Eddie

Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Athena Grant, Bobby Nash, Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Howie "Chimney" Han, Original Characters

Additional Tags: Thriller, Suspense, Action/Adventure, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Feelings Realization, Canon-Typical Violence, Sci-Fi and Horror Elements, Athena Grant & Eddie Diaz Friendship, Bobby Nash & Evan Buck Buckley Friendship, Worried Eddie Diaz, Worried Evan "Buck" Buckley, Protective Evan "Buck" Buckley, Protective Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Hurt Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), POV Multiple

. Summary:

"Buck. We’re inside a secret underground lab with monsters," Bobby told him. "I don’t think anything you say to Eddie could be any scarier than this."

The 118 are summoned to a distant location in the desert, become trapped, have to fight for their lives, and Buck and Eddie finally realize they've been pining for each other for years. Now, if they can all make it out alive.

....

Happy Friday. All Chapter are now up!

Complete Fic

[watchyourbuck]

if you wish to stay (we'll stay too)

Day 1/7 @buddietommy-week | Hurt/Comfort

buddietommy | 4,6k | mature | tw: self harm (mention)

Tommy’s head snapped up, only to find Eddie already frowning back at him. “What— who called you that?”

Silence. Deafening silence.

“Buck,” Eddie insisted, taking a step forward but stopping when Tommy raised his hand, signaling for him to stay in place. Eddie pursed his lips, a little annoyed, but obeyed.

“M-my mom. My dad.”

Eddie’s eyes widened, the world stopping around him. “Excuse me?”

OR: Buck tells his parents he's in love with two men. It doesn't go so well. (Includes Tommy and Eddie taking care of him + Eddie's inner monologue about the Buckley Parents).

Read on ao3

[wikiangela]

I'm here for whenever you need (to put it all on me)

bucktommy rating: G words: 2.4k summary: Buck and Tommy have a short conversation after running into Tommy's old Captain at the medal ceremony.

[read on Ao3]

___

“That’s really sweet, baby.” Tommy says, making Buck’s heart skip a beat. He loves when Tommy calls him that, just like he loves when Tommy uses his name instead of nickname. It just sounds so special coming from him. He makes Buck, Evan, feel special. “But I can take care of myself.” “I know you can. But you don’t have to.” Buck shrugs, and if that’s even possible, Tommy’s face shifts into something even softer, filled with affection and awe and endearment. Something else flashes through his eyes, something Buck thinks he recognizes, but it’s way too early for either of them to feel or say it. They’re definitely getting there, though, quicker than he’d ever expect.

[read on Ao3]

[aashiqeddiediaz]

to kiss the cook

love @captain-hen for beta-ing this to me, and this post for inspiring this fic.

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan “Buck” Buckley & Christopher Diaz

Rating: T

Chapter: 1/1

Word Count: 6,828 words

Snippet:

Unfortunately for Buck, Eddie chooses that exact moment to open the kitchen door, pinning him with an unimpressed look. “I don’t pay you to sit around and chit-chat, Buckley.” He lets out an astonished laugh, Christopher’s laughter joining in. “Uh, excuse me, you don’t pay me at all, Diaz.” He’s wearing a fuckass apron with “Your opinion wasn’t in the recipe” scrawled over the front that Buck bought him as a gag-gift, his hands are propped on his hips and Buck’s pretty sure there’s flour in his hair. Music still spills from the door behind him, something that Buck is absolutely going to make fun of him for later.  (Well, Buck had intended the apron to be a gag-gift, but Eddie wears it religiously, pointing towards the words on his chest every time Buck or Chris try to interject when he’s the one cooking.  Buck loves him so much he doesn’t think his heart can contain it.) The amusement in Eddie’s eyes brightens as he looks towards his son. “Chris, you want to taste-test for me?” “Heck yeah,” Chris says, reaching for his crutches. “Be right there.”

[Read on AO3]

[thatmexisaurusrex]

Comes up to the front of the room with pitch notecards in hand, okay, I have an idea that has two very controversial things in it. And idk if people want this, but I keep thinking about it, so here goes nothing.

So, I was thinking, post-breakup, Tommy and Buck bubble each other not talking. Tommy has spiraled inwardly. Buck is using up all the flour in Los Angeles.

It's a problem.

On a call one of them gets on shift, there is a big pileup. A huge pileup.

And in the pileup?

Connor, Kameron, and their son.

The one Buck helped them have with his donor sperm. All of them have significant injuries. Maybe either Connor or Kameron are already dead. They're rushed to the hospital. The only one who survives - the kid.

Buck, who is the biological father of the kid and never technically waved his rights, decides he should take the kid in. He doesn't know if there's anyone there for the kid other than him. There hadn't seemed to be when he was helping Connor and Kameron out. He kind of impulsively rushes into it.

However, there seems to be a wrinkle. Connor and Kameron had a will. Their will states that if they were to die, it designates the child's guardian to be Kameron's older brother. And who would that be?

Tommy Kinard.

And what at first looks like it could possibly become a messy custody battle ends up settling in a co-parenting situation where the kid spends time with both of them.

And as they keep co-parenting, well, maybe something happens to Buck's loft. A pipe bursts, something.

So, Buck decides to stay at Tommy's place as the pipe gets fixed. And maybe, well, Buck never leaves. It's kind of nice to be all under the same roof, after all.

And maybe they start to actually talk about why they broke up. Why Tommy was scared. Why Buck rushed into the idea of potential marriage down the line and moving in without saying I love you first. Talk about all the baking and talk about the bubbling.

They're reluctant at first to try to make up; try to date. Because what if it doesn't work out again? And where would that leave the kid?

While they figure themselves out, another devastating thing hits them. The kid? He is predisposed to cancer, and he gets juvenile leukemia.

And you're probably thinking it's going to be Buck. Buck's going to be the donor again. And he's also going to have to go through what his parents had all those years ago.

But.

He's not a match.

Buck is not a match.

But Tommy is.

And it's this whole vortex of unpacking childhood trauma while coming together for this kid that's just really become part of their lives. And it works out because I can't bring myself to not let it work out, but it's a lot.

And by the end of it, after the kid is in remission, after everything, they admit it. They admit they want this. They want to be together. They want to be a couple. They want to be a family with this kid.

And it's beautiful.

[polkadotk804]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Bobby Nash, Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Howie "Chimney" Han Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Car Accidents, Buck/shannon parallels, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Worried Eddie Diaz, Panic Attacks, tw: panic attack, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ice Cream, They know each other too well, everyone knows but them, they finally figure it out, bobby tells Buck what love means, Whump, Evan "Buck" Buckley Whump, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Christopher Diaz Has Two Dads, shannon parallels, Major Character Injury, Feelings Realization Summary:

“Hen, you have to keep him away,” he begs, eyes dancing frantically as he looks over her shoulder.

Hen shakes her head, pressing gently at his shoulder to lay him down. “Buck, calm down, okay? Bobby is not going to be mad at you for this. You need to let me check you out.”

“No!” Buck grabs her wrist with his good hand. “No, Hen, you need to keep Eddie away. He can’t - he can’t see this, please. You need to keep him away, please.” A sob escapes him as he begs desperately.

OR: Buck gets hit by a car, and he knows he’s going to be fine…but he knows Eddie won’t be, not when Buck is lying on the ground in a puddle of his blood like a bad recreation of the day that Shannon died

[buddierecs]

hurt/comfort buddie fics

all explicit rating - 18+ only!!!! make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

when it's you i'm with (everything goes quiet) by: withoutthetiger "eddie can't speak after he and christopher are in an accident, but somehow he asks buck to stay while he recovers. buck can't imagine wanting to be anywhere else, and even in the silence that lingers between them, they both find a way to say everything." word count: 56k important tags: different first meetings au, muteness, intimacy, feeling realisation, friends to lovers, phone sex, blow jobs, rimming, anal sex take my hand and don't you ever let go by: sourwolfseblaine "buck takes care of eddie when he starts acting differently after a close call." word count: 4.2k important tags: emotional hurt/comfort, soft!buddie, gentle sex, comfort sex, anal sex, top!evan buckley, bottom!eddie diaz, blow jobs

crossed wires, words and.... wets by: znks "sometimes, after a short pitstop through some yearning, your bff accidentally kissing you can lead to wonderful things" word count: 7.4k important tags: miscommuication, accidental kissing, getting together, shower sex, thigh fucking, comeplay, marking eddie diaz vs the feelings by: elvensorceress "eddie dives into the mysteries of attraction, romantic love, and asexuality because there's a good chance he's fallen in love with his best friend. aka demisexual!eddie figures out he’s demi and finds the happily ever after he’s been longing for" word count: 62k important tags: demisexual!eddie diaz, getting together, sexuality crisis, slow burn, sexual tension, anal sex, hand jobs to feel the need of your touch by: honestlydarkprincess "the one where buck is touchstarved and desperate for eddie. they fuck but it's also really sweet." word count: 7.5k important tags: pining!evan buckley, light dom/sub, oral sex, anal sex, barebacking, evan buckley has a praise kink, dom!eddie diaz, sub!evan buckley, porn with feelings it's the softness that breaks you by: bigfootsmom "the one where buck has more issues with intimacy than he had originally thought." word count: 6.1k important tags: dom!eddie diaz, sub!evan buckley, safe word use, established relationship, evan buckley has a praise kink five times eddie diaz used grindr (and one time he didn't) by: daniwib "eddie diaz likes men. he thinks. this is the story of how he explores his sexuality." word count: 72k important tags: gay!eddie diaz, first time, anal sex, friends with benefits, blow jobs, there was only one bed, porn with plot, pining

remember to remember me by: daffi_990_ao3 "buck and eddie finally get together only for lightning to strike a few days later, leaving buck with no memories of them ever becoming a couple." word count: 31k important tags: temporary amnesia, sad!eddie diaz, getting together, buckley-diaz family feels, frottage, blow jobs, riding, bottom!eddie diaz, top!evan buckley

general audience rating hurt/comfort fics mature rating hurt/comfort fics

[heygirltimeformorning]

sometimes @playinginthunderstorms and I write chatfic to each other as bedtime stories, or just as “here hope you feel better” stories, and yesterday, I wrote Charlie a little hurt/comfort at her request, and I thought the Tumblr might enjoy.

It’s chatfic so it’s a little rough around the edges, and I paid my usual close attention to canon (read: none at all) in writing it.

warnings for Buck getting hit by a car (nothing graphic) and Eddie spiraling about it. Also, if you’re here for porn, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.

It’s tooth-rottingly sweet at the end, so proceed with caution.

*

These kinds of calls, Eddie thinks, are supposed to happen in the middle of the night. That’s what happens in the movies — it’s dark, everyone is in bed, it’s quiet, and there’s a phone ringing that pierces through the quiet. Or, it’s the wash of red and blue lights over the living room, no sirens. Somehow, whoever is getting the news already knows, like the fabric of the universe shifts when their person is in mortal peril. The point is, it’s supposed to happen in the middle of the night.

That’s how, when Eddie is torturing himself late at night with scenarios of losing Buck (he doesn’t let himself think about Buck Like That in the light of day, that feels too honest, but at night, when he’s alone? that’s how he’s thinking of Buck, always), it happens. The reality, though, is that it’s an ordinary Wednesday. It’s their day off. Buck was going to go to the gym, and then he was going to come over and they were going to paint the kitchen. Eddie’s already got the supplies out and a pizza on the way, because Buck had texted him leaving the gym and that meant Eddie had 20 minutes to be ready.

Buck had text him at 12:47pm, and Eddie doesn’t get worried until it’s 2 — a full hour after his text — because it’s LA and who knows what kind of traffic Buck ran into. He does text him a couple times, but Buck has a strict no-texting-while-driving policy, so if he’s stuck in traffic, of course he wouldn’t be answering text messages. Eddie tells himself it’s fine. He talks himself off of several ledges. He paces. He pulls up Taylor Kelly’s traffic report. She reports that traffic is moving as it should be. Something greasy settles into the pit of Eddie’s stomach.

He breaks down and calls Buck at 2:19. Maybe he’s stopped to pick up something he was craving and gotten distracted in the snack aisle. That’s happened before - it’s very on brand for Buck. His phone goes straight to voicemail.

Eddie talks himself through so many scenarios. Buck’s phone had died. His phone had been stolen, and Buck was trying to deal with that and couldn’t call Eddie. Buck’s phone has glitched and isn’t letting Eddie’s calls through.

He calls Buck 17 times between 2:19 and 2:34. Then he calls Bobby, who doesn’t answer, so he calls Maddie, who also doesn’t answer, and then he calls Hen, who does answer, right as Eddie’s call-waiting beeps. He checks it, heart in his throat, and it’s an unknown number. Something tells him to answer. “I’ll call you back,” he tells Hen, and barely waits for her confused “o-okay” before he switches over to the new call. It’s Athena, but the thing is, Eddie has Athena’s number. She’d be calling him on her cell unless — unless —

“Eddie,” she says, and her voice is gentle in a way Eddie’s never heard it before. Eddie’s face is numb. He can’t feel his lips.

“Buck,” he says, and Athena asks if he’s alone. He is. Eddie’s the most alone he’s ever been in his entire life.

Athena tells him to sit down. He’s, somehow, already sitting, on the floor, his back against the couch, but at Athena’s next words, he’s up, off the floor, fumbling keys off the key ring with numb fingers, because Athena says “He’s on his way to Cedars-Sinai, just wait there, I’ll come get you,” but Eddie’s already out the door, vaulting himself into his truck, slamming it into gear and pealing out of his driveway. Athena is still on the phone, but Eddie can’t hear anything but his pulse in his ears. It’s sunny - it’s a brilliant LA day, sunshine and palm trees, and not a cloud in the sky. This is the kind of weather people move to LA for — and it’s wrong, all of it, because if Buck’s —but he can’t let himself go there. not yet. He’ll see what they say at the hospital. He’ll figure it out there. He’ll figure it out. At least Chris isn’t here, at least Chris doesn’t have to witness this, at least Eddie can soften it, a little, control the delivery. That’s a trick from Frank - to look for the silver linings. It makes him feel sick.

Athena meets him at the doors of the ER, hands out, like she’s trying to tame a wild horse. Eddie vaguely registers that Bobby’s there, too, eyes wide in his face. “Eddie, Eddie,” she says, catching him by his shoulders as he tries to rocket past her into the lobby. Through the doors, to Buck. “Eddie, listen to me,” she says, and there’s something maternal enough in her voice that Eddie looks down at her.

Despite Athena’s words, it’s Bobby who speaks, one hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “We can’t see him yet,” he says, sure and steady, and how is Bobby so calm how is the rest of the world still spinning when Buck is — is —

“What happened?” Eddie finally asks, and Athena tilts her head towards the doors of the ER.

“Let’s go in, let’s sit down,” she says, words measured. “Give Bobby your keys, he’ll park your truck. Come on.” Eddie lets Bobby take his keys, lets Athena guide him into the lobby, back — back—

It’s the rooms they put families in when it’s bad. When they have to call the chaplain and the doctor has to come in. Like in the movies, the solemn doctor in the mask and the surgical cap we did everything we could.

“Breathe, Eddie. This is just because cops make people nervous,” Athena says, steering him to one of the chairs. “Sit.” He sits. There’s a bottle of water in his hands, and Athena’s next to him, her hand on his shoulder. “He was leaving the gym,” she says, “walking across the parking lot.”

Eddie’s blood runs cold. He thinks of Shannon in her yellow shirt, of having to make the hardest choice of his entire life. He wants a s’more, suddenly, oddly. “Breathe.” Athena’s voice in his ear. “Take a drink of water.”

“What happened?” Eddie asks again, and Athena sighs. There’s a weight next to him, a warm hand on his other shoulder. Bobby.

“There was a kid on a skateboard, in the street,” Athena says, “shouldn’t have been there. But his skateboard got caught on a pothole, sent him sprawling. Buck ran over there to help, straight into — into oncoming traffic.”

Eddie can’t breathe, because all he can think about is yellow shirts and s’mores. He can’t feel his hands. His lips are numb. Buck wouldn’t do that. Buck was careful, now, more careful than he used to be, after the lightning. He was reckless, but not in the same way - he wouldn’t run into oncoming traffic, unless. Unless. Unless someone needed help. That was the thing about Buck - everyone else came first, all the time.

Athena’s hand is warm on his back, sliding down off his shoulder. “The 126 responded,” she says quietly. “The paramedics said — they don’t know obviously, but they said he was stable, when they left the scene with him.” But Eddie knows. Eddie knows that stable can change between one breath and the next, and that stable just means ‘alive’ and alive is kind of a spectrum.

Bobby and Athena are talking to each other — coordinating calls. Eddie lets the words slide off and around him, pays attention to the rush of blood in his ear, and thinks about silver linings.

It's barely thirty minutes before the doctor comes to find them, a clipboard in his hands. Maddie and Chim have gotten there, and so has Hen. Karen, bless her, has Jee, Mara, and Denny. The doctor starts by saying that Buck is incredibly lucky — that he has a concussion, but no spinal injuries, no brain damage, nothing that can’t be repaired with surgery and some rehab, and Eddie takes the first full breath he’s had since 2pm. The doctor follows up what he calls the good news with the list of injuries Buck has - an arm broken in three places, a torn rotator cuff, a broken hip, a compound femur fracture, a tibia fibula fracture, a nasty concussion, and a wicked case of road rash. He explains that Buck is headed for surgery, but if they want to see him before he goes back, he’s awake.

The room is dim - the lights turned down - and Buck’s certainly had better days. One side of his face is raw with road rash, and Eddie thinks “awake” is a bit of an overstatement, because Buck opens his eyes, sees Eddie in the doorway, and says “I’m glad you’re here” before leaning his head back against the pillows and promptly going to sleep. But it’s sleep, it’s not death, and something unknots in Eddie’s chest. It’s hard to know where to touch Buck — one arm is in a protective sling and the other is raw with road rash — so Eddie settles for a hand on top of Buck’s head and says “I’m glad I’m here, too.” He doesn’t even realize he’s crying until Athena quietly hands him a tissue, and rests a gentle hand on his shoulder.

**

By the time Buck is out of surgery, it’s late. Eddie still hasn’t told Chris - not like he’d text him back anyway - and it’s too late to text him once Buck’s settled in his room and resting quietly. It’s just him and Buck — he can’t bring himself to leave, to let Buck be by himself. It’s nearly 4 in the morning, and Eddie has dozed off in the chair next to Buck’s, his head resting on his arms, folded on the bed, when Buck stirs, a grimace ghosting over his face, lifting one arm and resting it on the back of Eddie’s head.

Eddie sits up with a grimace of his own, back stiff, Buck’s hand falling to the bed. Eddie rests a hand over Buck’s wrist, feels the steady thud of his pulse under his fingers. Buck’s eyes slide open, meet Eddie’s. “Time’s’it?” he asks, and the scrape of his voice against his dry throat has Eddie reaching for the water the nurse had left, holding the straw to Buck’s lips.

“Late,” Eddie says in response to Buck’s question. “Or — early, maybe, depending.” He sets the water aside, and then he’s looking at Buck and Buck’s looking at him, gaze heavy and half-lidded. “Buck—“ he says, but then the nurse is coming in with the rattle of a vitals cart and medication.

Buck’s half-asleep once the nurse is finished with her middle-of-the-night tasks, and in the dim of the hospital room, with Buck mostly asleep but whole and real in front of him, the rules Eddie holds himself to all the time don’t feel as real. He tells himself that it’s reassurance he needs when he rests a hand on the top of Buck’s head, smooths his thumb over Buck’s birthmark. Buck’s eyes slide open and he turns into Eddie’s touch. “Eddie,” he says, voice thick and heavy with sleep and medication and the concussion.

“Yeah, cowboy?” Eddie says quietly, but Buck’s eyes are sliding closed and he’s asleep in the space between one breath and the next.

It’s a full 24-hours before Buck can have an actual conversation. Eddie’s still in the clothes he was going to paint in. He can’t bring himself to leave, despite everyone trying to coax him to go home and shower and change. Eddie ignores them. He can’t leave, because the second he leaves, he knows all he’s going to be able to think about is Shannon and Buck and the universe being determined to take away the people he loves the most. The universe may not scream, but apparently it has it out for anyone Eddie Diaz loves.

Pretty much the entire right side of Buck’s body — the side the car hit — is smashed into pieces, and Buck is, unfortunately, right handed, which makes everything more difficult. After the fourth time Buck dumps a spoonful of jello into his lap, thanks to a clumsily coordinated left hand, Eddie takes the spoon. “You’re wearing more than you’re getting in your mouth, buddy,” he says dryly. “And you’ve already spilled enough to get the nurse to give you a sponge bath, if that was your goal. Open up — don’t make me make the plane noises.”

Buck grumbles his way through being fed — literally — and Eddie teases him the whole time — I should be taking videos for Chris or I don’t know why we didn’t do this sooner, I feel like we could have saved that one white shirt you lost to the lasagna. “Buck,” he says, after they’re finished, because Buck seems more alert now, and Buck looks over at him. “I know — I know we’ve talked about putting yourself in danger.”

“This wasn’t me putting myself in danger,” Buck says immediately, because he may not remember the accident itself, but Athena had filled him in and, after being reassured that the kid was fine, Buck had said well no harm no foul and Eddie’s been turning that over in his head over and over ever since.

Because this had been harm. Buck hadn’t died — thankfully. By some miracle, he had survived, but to say no harm when Buck is in a hospital bed unable to even feed himself felt wrong. “You ran into traffic, Buck,” Eddie says. “You didn’t even — you ran into traffic. In LA, that could be considered suicidal.”

Buck frowns. “Eddie, I’m not—“ he starts, and Eddie shakes his head.

“I know you wouldn’t,” Eddie says. “I know that’s not what you were thinking. But Buck, you weren’t thinking. You still think you’re — expendable. Like you’re only worth what you are to other people.” Eddie pauses. Let’s that settle, because he means that, and he’s edging closer to something that feels a little too true to be said out loud — that Buck is everything to him, that Chris and Buck are the most important people in his life.

“Eddie, I couldn’t just … leave him,” Buck says, and there’s something a little hurt in it, and Eddie sighs, because he knows. He knows. Buck will set himself on fire to keep others warm — will literally run into oncoming traffic to help someone.

“But you almost left me,” Eddie says, very quietly. It’s scary. It’s terrifying, even, to put it out there like that. To think of him and Buck as a unit, something that can be pulled apart, that he’s important enough in Buck’s life to be left. “Buck, I — I couldn’t —“ he thinks back to it, those moments building up to Athena’s call, the drive to the hospital, sitting in a waiting room, not knowing where on the “alive” spectrum Buck fell. There’s something untethered in those moments - the not knowing, like drowning on dry land.

Buck’s so still and so quiet at Eddie’s words that for a minute, Eddie thinks he’s fallen asleep. He looks up at him, and Buck’s just watching him, like Eddie’s just announced he has an evil twin. “I’m sorry,” he says finally, and Eddie wipes at his eyes, because he’s crying, suddenly.

“Chris needs you,” Eddie says, and that’s true, but what he means is I need you. “I thought I was going to have to call him and tell him you were dead, Buck,” he adds. He doesn’t say for a minute I thought you were dead and I couldn’t breathe but he does reach out and squeeze Buck’s wrist, fingers against his pulse. “You have to think of yourself like — like I do,” he says finally, and Buck nods, once.

Eddie almost says it then, can feel it, right on the tip of his tongue, I love you and Buck’s looking at him, and if this has taught Eddie anything, it’s that tomorrow might be too late — but then the nurse is there, and the moment shatters between them. Instead, Eddie makes a joke about sponge baths, and steps out to get a cup of coffee, and thinks about being in love with his best friend.

**

Buck comes home with Eddie, because of course he does. Maddie initially tries to insist he comes home with her, but Buck gives Eddie help me eyes while Maddie is talking about him coming home with her, and he steps in, and says, really, it’ll be easier for Buck to come home with him, because the house is already set up for someone with mobility issues (Chris) and with Chris not currently there, Eddie would appreciate the company. It isn’t a lie, and when Buck says “yeah, Mads, I’ll just go home with Eddie,” Maddie throws up her hands and says fine, have it your way but there’s a fondness in her exasperation.

It takes an act of god and congress to get Buck into the house, and he half collapses on the couch, leaning his head back with a groan. “The doctors are just going to have to come here,” he says, “because I’m not leaving again until I can actually walk.” Something warm blooms in Eddie’s chest at Buck’s inadvertent admission that this is his home — because it is, it is his home — and he lines the medication bottles up on the counter, fixing Buck something to eat. Buck smiles at him when he brings him the food, setting the plate where Buck can reach it and busying himself fussing with Buck’s pillows. “You aren’t going to feed me this time?” Buck asks, amused, and Eddie says it without thinking, tucking a pillow under Buck’s knee: “maybe I want to give you a sponge bath.” He freezes, and Buck freezes, and Eddie eventually straightens up slowly, resting his hands on his hips. Buck’s just kind of staring straight ahead, blue eyes a little wide, and Eddie clears his throat.

There’s a long silence, and then Buck adjusts his position on the couch and clears his throat. “I did want to ask,” he says carefully, while Eddie’s standing there, his brain blue screening, “if you’d help me shave.” He looks up at Eddie through his lashes, and Eddie swallows heavily. It shouldn’t read as flirting. It isn’t flirting, it can’t be. But it does. It would have been less sexually charged if Buck had asked Eddie to suck his cock.

“Yeah,” Eddie says, voice a little rough. “Yeah, bud- buddy. I can. I can do that.” He rubs a hand through his hair. Buck is here because he needs help, because he’s been hit by a car and half of him is smashed to pieces.

The thing about shaving Buck is that, aside from straddling him, there’s really no perfect angle to shave him. Of course, Eddie’s not going to straddle Buck (he’s not) but he does spend a good five minutes circling Buck, trying to find the best angle. They settle on Buck sitting in one of the dining room chairs, eyes closed as Eddie rubs the shaving cream into Buck’s skin, and Eddie’s so close, he could kiss him. Buck’s eyelashes are long and soft against his cheek, and his mouth is very slightly open, and he’s so beautiful it hurts.

Eddie has been aware of his feelings for Buck. He doesn’t typically allow himself to feel them, except for when he’s alone and it’s dark in his house. Buck had been in a relationship, and then Buck had been recovering from a relationship, and Eddie didn’t particularly care to detonate a bomb in his life by confessing undying love. So to scrape the razor against Buck’s face and think about how beautiful he is, it’s not new. Not in the thinking anyway, it’s just that Buck is very rarely (read: never) sitting in front of him when he allows himself to have those thoughts. He rinses the razor, rests his thumb on Buck’s cheek, pulls the skin taught, and he thinks he imagines it for a moment, the turn of Buck’s face into his touch, like they’re magnets, like Buck is touch-starved.

But he isn’t imagining it, because it happens again when Eddie half-cups Buck’s face to tilt his head and scrape the razor against his jaw. Buck turns into Eddie’s touch, like a cat, and his eyes are closed, and it can’t be intentional, right? There’s no way. But Eddie slides his fingers into the curls behind Buck’s ear, nails scraping lightly against his scalp, and Buck inhales, so quietly Eddie almost misses it, and leans back into Eddie’s touch. Eddie smooths his thumb up Buck’s cheek, and it’s not anything related to shaving anymore, it’s just touch, and then Buck’s eyes open and Eddie isn’t moving. They’re inches apart, Eddie still holding the razor with his free hand, but close enough that all it would take is a lean in from either of them and they’d be kissing. “Eddie,” Buck breathes, and Eddie thinks about the moment he’d thought Buck was dead, when Athena had asked if he was sitting down. Because Eddie’s been through it before: the loss. The way it washes through you, the way you think you’re coming to the end of it, only to find a brand new wave of hurt. He knows what it feels like, to lose. And yet. Losing Shannon felt like losing a limb: survivable. Painful, yes. Unimaginable, of course. But survivable, ultimately. Losing Buck felt like having his heart cut out, something he could not survive. A total loss. Something that would kill him.

It makes him brave. It makes him willing to risk, because he’d thought — for a moment, for a handful of moments — that Buck had died without knowing how Eddie felt. He owes Buck the truth — he owes it to him to be brave. So he sets the razor down, and Buck tracks the movement, blue eyes following the razor to the table, and then flickering back to Eddie’s eyes. Eddie wipes the residual shaving cream from Buck’s face, sets the washcloth aside, and then he cups Buck’s face in both of his hands — gently, but insistently — and he closes the space between them, sealing his lips against Buck’s.

Buck doesn’t react at first. His lips are soft and dry under Eddie’s and then he sucks in a very quiet breath and kisses Eddie back. When the kiss breaks, Buck looks like he might say something, but Eddie shakes his head. “I need to say something,” he says. “And — I need to get through this in one go.” Buck’s eyes are wide and blue on his, and Eddie’s heart squeezes. “Athena called me,” Eddie says, “and told me you’d been hurt. I couldn’t — breathe, Buck, I thought you were dead. I thought. I thought you had died, and when I thought you’d died, do you know what I thought about? That — I couldn’t be in a world where you didn’t — where I hadn’t told you how I felt. How I feel.” He braces himself, looking Buck dead-on. “I’m in love with you, Buck. I’ve been in love with you for a long time — at least a year. Maybe more. Being in love with you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done — and when I thought you — when I thought you were dead, Buck, I couldn’t breathe. You’re one of the two most important people in my life, and I love you.”

Buck is quiet, watching Eddie crack open his heart and pour it out, and when Eddie stops talking, Buck is crying, tears rolling down his cheeks. “Eddie,” he breathes, and Eddie leans in to kiss him again. They’re kissing and, in between kisses, Buck is gasping it out — I love you, I love you, I love you — soft and precious and built to last.