#euphoira

[rapidreptile]

beastly tail moment

[nyxowl16]

who else watched iwtv and suddenly became masters of tragic poetry?

alternatively, who tried watching Euphoria right after that and ended up writing a hate letter to men?

[realtyhubph-blog]

1 BR at One Euphoria Angeles City

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[velvetvexations]

My role in a romantic gender dynamic is variable. If you're a guy and you're into me you like a faggot,* if you're a girl and you're into me you like a crossdresser,** but if you're non-binary then you like a plain uncomplicated woman and calling me your girlfriend is the most gender euphoira in the entire world, and also really sexy.

*not the same as a man, just "faggot"

**see above

[bethrnoora]

twitter on the other hand. i have 19 different terms muted because no one shuts the fuck up and that site insists on showing me the dumbass opinions of total randos who have no idea what theyre talking about. and do not need to be the main character of the week.

tbh the only fandom/media related thing i have blacklisted on tumblr is the last of us. the other things are like. individual users who clog tags i go into occasionally and then a couple key Discourse terms

[the-noted-collector]

I keep seeing gender expression stuff so let's go, why not! The gender expressions of the crew/discussions of gender euphoria. Some warning for repression/tramua/denial.

Tl;dr: Luc's loving gender fuckery, Adam and Samantha sorta just exist as cis, Endemannus and Conley are just gender fucks and do not care, Edward's a repressed egg, Gale's having their 5th crisis of the week, Sal enjoys being confusing and hurting people who get confused, Mary is just happy to exist, Grace H likes being a woman, and Eckil's up in the air.

Luc honestly does genuinely enjoy how they dress. It often features both masculine and feminine touches, though they can lean more on one or the other (which they tend not to do, as it's less comfortable). They're happy being a enigma, being unlabeled, it's freeing to them.

Adam hasn't put another thought into how he feels about being a man and expressing as such. It hasn't crossed his mind. Still, it's important to know that he does have gender euphoria in being a man; if he ever did explore he'd come out with a deeper connection to it.

Samantha also hasn't explored it. She hasn't really had time or space to do so. She dresses feminine, often without two thoughts of if she likes it. Honestly, she also has her own gender euphoria in doing so; however it'd be better if she leaned a little away from being feminine.

Endemannus has a very different sense of gender euphoria and gender expression. They already struggle with retaining humanity in general, which throws a wrench in there, but he's also from a entirely different time period. According to her, they dress in a fairly masculine sense with some feminine hints at times (mostly in his hair). To most Londoners, however, it can vary wildly depending on how one views the gender spectrum. There are some who think him a man, others who are convinced she's a woman, and those who only really care about how they're not quite human. Endemannus has stopped correcting people, allowing for this confusion to simply become part of them. It actually helps better then he had expected. In fact, they find they don't really...mind the idea of simply being many genders socially. However they get the most euphoria out of being human.

Conley is....half devil, half sorrow spider. There are a lot of complications in their biology alone, as well as general differences on how gender is viewed. Technically? Conley is a sort of intersex at the moment. Their spider half is, in fact, female, however they often use portions or all of a male shell, so it gets...weird. Not really intersex, but that's the best way I can describe it.

Edward has...complicated feelings on it. He considers himself only a man. There's a lot of tramua around his identity thanks to certain people cough cough his folks cough cough making it difficult to think about without mental scorn. He is also not sure what gender euphoria is (none of them technically understand it as a term, but Edward isn't even sure how it feels.) He believes he has full gender euphoria. However, he doesn't. You see, for all his fear of being socialized as a woman, it's all...because of tramua, really. Past that tramua, though, and there is genuine joy to it for him. Gender euphoria, for him, would be dressing one way and being called the other. Dressing in a suit and being called a lady. Wearing a fine dress and getting called sir. There's something to the disconnect, to the duality, that brings him a lot of joy. Of course, that is a discovery for the future of him. Right now, repression/denial. Corsets do eventually start him along.

Gale is currently going through a gender crisis. Gender euphoria is....weird. Especially when you don't have more outfits to explore with. They are more honed on being happy they have clothes. Eventually this gives way to a odd androgynous euphoria. Eventually.

Sal gets her euphoira from dresses as a woman and not being called a woman. Granted, they don't like being called a man either. It's...a confusing line that anyone conversating with her has to watch out for. They're not exactly forgiving.

Mary has been through...a lot. Her gender euphoria is a lot less on how she dresses, and more on how she thinks and is thought of. She knows there was a time where she was simply considered a mad being, not even a human, let alone a woman. Being considered one again is something she takes joy in.

Grace H likes being considered a woman. Dressing as one. Being one. More accurately, she loves not being considered a man anymore. She was worried it wouldn't be possible. But, as it turns out, it was. She's been through a lot of growth and has changed titles many times. Mr. Helianalis. Dr. Helianalis. Ms. Helianalis. The one in green. The grand doctor. The poisoner. Nurse. She particularly likes this set, though. A woman, now. It brings a smile to her face.

Eckil is new to the Neath and the concept of gender euphoria, even in the limited ways it can be described. He still has to explore. He's solid, for now, in men's clothing. Who knows what may change, though?

[norcepicure]

epicure

A war on a farm

a faun with a curse. a curse to devoure all fauns

-storms

-worms

-brother hood

-tattoos

-small towns

-huge empty farms

-rima law

anxiety

fauns feel like drugs

idea 1

Song inspo - epicure dead weight A war in the empty corn field A group of kids in a small farming town find faun and being to play with magic They form a little brother hood of magic The fauns have power in them and the more you use them the more addicted to them you become. It’s Like a drug. The bother hood loves them but realize they have to chill so they don’t loose themselves One kid who’s not apart of the brother hood finds a way more powerful faun than the rest. It’s euphoira is 10xs greater. But the caviot Is that his speaks to him. It makes him do things he doesn’t want to do. He was already weird but this shit made it even worse. He was already an outcast but this pushed him out further. On top of that The faun has its own agenda of siphoning the power from the other fauns. The kid knows this and doesn’t want to deal with it but can’t let the feeling of the euphoria go because it’s the only thing that feels good. He meets the brother hood of kids and they take him in. They say they’ll help him fix his life and tame his power. The kid tells them of the voices and the real life problems. But they don’t care they try to help him anyways. They help him with his struggles and try to make him one with the crew. Through all the bullying, they picking, through the psychosis the brother hood tries to have his back. Even when the brother hood takes a couple looses in the process. The kid ask why they choose him. Why help him and the brothers simple say because you’re our friend. They teach the kid to have a happy life

[caymansgifs]

Maude Apatow as Grace in Assassination Nation (2018).

[ralathehuntress]

🎭I can say that I have wore a skirt for just a day and I want to wear it nonstop but too scared to take it outside. It isn't the skirt I want either but wearing it was so much gender euphoira, been wanting to find the day to go outside with it and with the right skirt combo as well. I can't wait to see that day and I do miss it each moment when thinking about it.

Sometimes it takes a friend to persuade you to live a little.

I really don't like drawing attention to myself in any capacity. So even though I loved the idea of painting my nails, it is also something that kinda terrified me. My friends are often more supportive of me than I am of myself, so they would try to encourage me to do more than nothing. One night I finally caved, drunk friends can be very persuasive. Painting your nails is such a small thing, and yet I enjoyed them just as much as I was anxious about having them. Which is to say I liked them a lot. Gender euphoria is a very rare feeling for me.

Unfortunately, I haven't painted my nails since. Shortly after this I had my architecture thesis presentation and graduation. I started working full time in an office not long after that.

I might be afraid of nothing. It might be perfectly fine for me to wear nail polish again. I don't know.

I just know that I miss it.

[girl8890]

R Town | Ch.23

Jungkook x FemOc

word count: 3.3k

POV: M

Warnings: Domestic abuse, Physical abuse, Blood, Pining, Offensive words against intellectual disability.

A/N: Before you read this chapter, I would like to just say I do not think the real Felix is anything like this! I don't think he's like any of the ways I wrote him in chapters before this either. I don't know why he's the person I pictured to be M's husband, but he just is. I don't want anyone to think I believe Felix will be like this to his future partner because I don't! Awesome! Now on with the chapter HAHA...

Index | Ch.24

。・°°・°°・��� 。・°°・°°・。 。・°°・°°・。

"Pack your things. We're leaving tomorrow."

I drop my cup of coffee all over the floor, making Felix jump and yell, "What he fuck M?"

I'm shocked, to say the least. We literally just moved here and Felix is already wanting to leave? I just got accustomed back to this town. I love having my brother around me again after having so much time apart, and I love having... someone else... nearby. He can't seriously want us to move already!

"What the fuck M! What the fuck Felix? We just started settling into this town, why are we leaving?"

Felix sighs, clearly not in the mood to deal with this right now, but I don't care. Not only did we just move here, but I was finally starting to feel at peace in this town.

"It doesn't matter. We just need to leave, so call your brother and say your goodbyes because we're leaving at first light tomorrow morning."

Felix goes to walk away, but I'm not done with him yet. My brother is here, someone I've missed seeing and loved reconnecting with is here, and he thinks I can just easily let that all go with a single goodbye? I grab onto his arm, making him turn and look at me but with evident annoyance.

"We can't leave! I have friends here, now. What about them?"

Felix smiles cruelly and shakes his, and I don't like what type of smile it is. It's a smile I've seen once before, and it means anything but positive things. He takes grabs onto my arm, but unlike what I did he squeeze my bicep until I'm hissing in pain. He then pulls me close to him so we're nose to nose with each other.

"Friends, huh? Is that who you call the people you fuck on the side?!"

"Felix, I told you-"

"Yeah, you told me bullshit!"

I wince at his tone. There's no way he could have found out about Jungkook and I. I've kept my personal promise of staying away from him as best I could. The longing of course is still there, and I find myself walking past his store to glance inside, but I never speak to him. I don't want to risk his, or Jimin's life by doing anything further.

"No I didn't!"

"Oh yeah?" Felix then starts dragging me up the stairs, and I trip a few times on the way, but Felix just keeps pulling. He keeps dragging me until we get to his office in the mansion. The one room that's off-limits to me, and I never cared enough to go in. When we get in, he throws me onto a couch. I shake in my seat as I watch Felix pick up a remote and point it at a wide-screen tv. He presses the power button, then with a few more buttons pushed, I understand what he's talking about.

I shut my eyes and feel like a total fucking idiot. The last thing I thought about was the possibility that cameras caught me, but as it shows on the screen, there's a camera on the Lee club facing the parking lot Jeon games and Lee club shares. And it just so happens to have a perfect view of me outside his house, leaving there looking like an obviously just fucked mess.

I could make up an excuse, say I was just telling him we can't be friends anymore, but it's clear by the way I'm adjusting my dress as I walk down the metal stairs that I wasn't wearing it a few minutes beforehand.

Felix leans down close to me, and I open up my eyes to see a very mad - no, furious - Felix in front of me. "You really thought I wouldn't find out? I knew you were stupid, but now I just think your retarded! I hope you enjoyed his dick because you'll never be riding it again!"

I wince at Felix's words. I don't know how to make this better, but I try my best to make this situation less bad than it already is by lying straight to his face. "It's not like-"

Smack!

Felix smacks me in the face so hard that I fall off the couch and onto the floor. I feel the sting on my cheek, but I don't try to soothe it because I already know it's the first of many blows to come.

"And now your lying to me!" Kick to the stomach. "You fucking whore!" Kick again, and this time I scream out in pain. "I'll make you regret ever meeting your little nerd!" Punch in the shoulder. "Your life with me will be Hell from now on!"

Felix continues to beat me and yell cruel words. I scream, I cry, and hiss with each blow. I eventually start begging when I feel the first bone crack. I don't know if it's broken, but my wrist is definitely sprained after Felix stepped on it.

"Please Felix-" Kick in the stomach.

I don't even know why I try to beg, but it seems like the right thing to do during times like these. What else can you do when you're bleeding on the floor and getting beaten by your husband? He's bigger than me, so fighting back is not in my favor. I've tried that once, and that just landed me in the hospital the first time.

Being beat like this has only happened twice, but it's happened enough for me to understand my position with Felix, and who he truly is. My position will always be lower than him, and he doesn't care what he has to do to show me this fact.

I eventually stop begging, my body deciding to slowly shut down. Not dying, Felix hasn't gone that far yet, but I feel the bruises forming and feel the blood trickling out of my nose when he starts punching me in the face.

I look over to the camera he paused at showing me leaving Jungkook's, and it's what I focus on while Felix yells more profanities at me. "You fucking slut, you're done for! Any freedom I once gave you is gone."

I know his words are true, but the only time I've ever been given freedom was when I was with Jungkook. Not even just the night we had sex but everything beforehand too. I was able to smile a real smile for once and laugh without it being fake to please people. Jungkook gave me the ability to be my real self, and I left him. I left him because I was scared of the man currently beating me was going to destroy everything and everyone I cared about. I still have that fear, but I wish I was brave enough to be selfish a little longer. Be selfish and just stay in the safe arms he promised to always have open for me.

That's what true love is like, I think.

I knew my feelings for Jungkook even before I shut my eyes right now to think about him. I'm in love with Jungkook, but to save him and my family, I stay with the man currently beating me until I black out. Even though the second I walked out his door that day, I knew I would never see him again. I knew that would be the last time I would ever truly be happy, but I also knew I would never forget what he gave me.

He gave me the ability to trust someone. Something I've found very hard to give these days. He also gave me the ability to feel loved. True, unconditional, and never-ending, beautiful love... and I'll never feel that with anyone else.

Felix continues to punch and kick me repeatedly, and I feel my consciousness slowly slipping away. I'm slowly falling into the black void, but before I float away, I think of the only person I've ever loved. The only person that could get me through this pain.

Jungkook telling me he loves me for the first time is the last thing I think about before everything fades to black.

。・°°・°°・。 。・°°・°°・。 。・°°・°°・。

I wake up on the same wooded flooring I fell unconscious on. I go to sit up, but I end up wincing in pain for moving. My wrist is definitely broken at this point, but besides that everything else is just very hurt. When my eyes finally decide to work again, one of them I think is swollen shut, so technically only one eye sees a phone in front of me on the ground.

It's my phone, the one I never use unless Felix calls me. I knew Felix hacked my phone when one call to a dentist had him questioning who I called later that day. Not only did he delete all my social media before that, but hacking my phone was really the start of his possessive control over me. And now I lay here, half-broken, and fully in pain because I never had the balls to ignore his threats and go to the police.

This will forever be my life.

I know why he put my phone here. He said I can call Jimin, which means he was never going to let me have one last goodbye with him in person. I feel tears fall down my face, and when I try to wipe them away I can tell I must have been crying while Felix was beating me before too. The dry streaks and their sticky feeling indicate as much. I hiss as I push myself to finally sit up, and I cradle my wrist to my chest.

I slowly pick up the cell phone and open up my contacts to find the few phone numbers I have saved pop up. I press on Jimin's name, and it loads up his number to start calling. Even just listening to the ringing against my ear has my heart filled with pain for what I'm about to say to him. That his baby sister is once again going to be leaving his life.

"Hello?" His high-pitched voice questions on the phone other side of the phone.

"J-Jimin?"

"M? Is that you? Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah," I lie at first. But then I look down at my wrist and decide to no longer lie to the people I care about when it comes to Felix. Felix has done enough to tournament me, and if his promises are true, that my life is going to be even more of a living hell from now on, then I'm no longer going to lie to protect his image. "No, Jimin. I'm really not."

I start to cry into the phone. Full-on whimpering and wailing. "M-M-M! Oh my god, please don't cry! Where are you? Did Felix hurt you again?"

I swallow, trying to calm myself down enough to speak, but it comes out in stutters. "I-I don't know h-hoe much time I have b-but... I'm leaving t-t-tomorrow."

"Leaving? Leaving where, and why?!"

I shake my head, which is kinda stupid since I know he can't see me. "I don't know why, but Felix said we have to go. H-he's only allowing me to call you to say goodbye and I just... I'm in so much pain, Jimin. I'm so sad, and I w-wish this life wasn't mine."

Even as I say the words, I don't know why I do. Maybe it's my pained wrist being clutched to my chest, or maybe the fact the picture of me leaving Jungkook's house is still on the screen. Honestly, I'm going with both.

"What happened?" Jimin's voice changes to one of anger. He doesn't even need the answer though because he follows up with, "M, come live with me. Come live with me, a-and will figure out a way to get you divorced. You shouldn't feel trapped in this type of-"

"I can't, Jimin." I whisper into the phone, interrupting him from saying anything else. I hear Jimin sigh from the other side of the phone, defeated. "Can you j-just do me one favor? A last request from your baby sister."

I try to make my last words cheerful, but I know it fell on flat ears. Jimin is hating this situation and hates it even more that I won't let him help me. But he still says, "Anything."

I swallow, and I decide for the second time in my life to be selfish. To not care if Felix is somehow overhearing me, or if I get beat up again because of it. I need someone else to know that I was happy. That I was happy for once, and that it wasn't just a part of my imagination.

"You can't tell him until I'm already gone, b-but can you tell Jungkook I'm leaving."

"Jungkook? The game store owner, Jungkook? Sure but why?"

Here it goes... "Because I love him." Jimin quietly gasps. "And because I need someone to tell him I'll never forget him. T-that I'm sorry I have to leave, but I'm happy I got to reconnect with him."

There's silence on the other side of the phone for a moment, but eventually, Jimin says, "Okay, M. I'll tell him tomorrow after you leave. When do you leave?"

"I'm not sure. I just know it's sometime in the morning."

"Then I'll see you then."

"Wait! What? No, Jimin, Felix won't let-"

"I don't care what Felix said! I'll see you tomorrow with Tae, bright and fucking early."

Before I could further protest against Jimin's promise, he hangs up the phone. I look at the now blank screen on my phone and sigh. Of course, he wouldn't listen to reason, but Felix better not think this is my fault. He never said anything about Jimin being allowed to send me off, anyway.

I toss the phone on the couch and use that couch to help me stand. It hurts like a bitch, but I was able to stand on two legs. I then plop myself on the said couch and groan at the strain in my back it just caused.

The mansion is very quiet, which is very usual since when I look over at the clock I see it's only eleven at night. I then realize Felix is probably out trying to organize all the business at the club. I don't know if he's going to keep it there, or if he's going to sell it, but either way, we won't be here in this town come tomorrow afternoon.

I breathe through the tears that continue to fall, and I curse at myself for being such a pussy. Not for the crying, since everyone cries and it's kinda ridiculous how people see it as a weakness, but because it almost seems like I'm allowing this to be my life. I'm really not though.

The contract for Felix and I's marriage never clarifies we can't cheat on each other, and I'm not sure if it says anything about domestic abuse. I'm not sure if that's because my parents thought we were going to have a happy marriage, or because they never thought anyone would want to cheat or lay a figure on their precious baby girl. Well, a man's done both mom and dad. All thanks to the bloody arrangement you felt was so needed to make for us.

I can't blame them for the abuse, though. Their not the ones raising their fists at me, and forcing me to fuck them until I start to bleed. I haven't looked at that contract in a long time, but after this whole situation, I should probably take a look at it again.

I shake my head because I know if I look at it and find no ways for this marriage to be null and void, I'll be disappointed. Then again, I also have a feeling I'll have a lot more time on my hands after we leave this town.

I look back at the tv with the picture of me leaving Jungkook's apartment again, and I think of it as him as I start talking to myself like a weirdo. "Did you ever think the girl you've been in love with since childhood would have a life like this Kookie?"

The tv obviously doesn't answer back, but I have to laugh because I hear in my head Jungkook saying, No! And you shouldn't keep yourself in this type of life either!

Oh, Jungkook. I'll never see him again. Of course, I start to cry again, but this time even harder than before. I cry so hard that I manage to fall off the couch and back onto the floor.

I'll never see Jungkook's again. I'll never sneak out of this mansion, and run with excitement in my steps with the idea of seeing him again. The video game we last played together will forever be our last game, and after today I won't even be allowed to talk to him ever again. The kiss he gave me before I left his apartment will forever be our last kiss. The strong embrace he gave me before I walked out the door will be the last time I'm ever wrapped in his arms.

I feel pathetic for all of this. Not because I'm in love with Jungkook, since any girl would be lucky to fall in love with a strong, sweet, and handsome man like him, but because I allowed it to happen. I allowed this love I have for him to grow, knowing this could be the conclusion for it. I knew from the second he said my name and I saw him for the first time after so many years that he would be something more to me than just a platonic friend. If it was the way my heart skipped a beat when I saw him or by the way we naturally went back to hanging out with each other, either way, I just knew Jungkook was going to own my entire heart eventually. And I just let it happen. I let us happen...

Even as I talk about him as some regret, I'll never regret Jungkook. I'll never regret ruining my chance of staying in this town for the rest of my life to have one day of freedom with him. I'll never regret the love I've formed for him and being lucky enough to have his love in return.

I shut my eyes and try to imprint his face into my mind as hard as possible. Because even though I'm leaving here tomorrow to have a new, and much worse, life with Felix, I want to be able to picture his beautiful smile even at the worst of times. Making sure that even when I'm ready to give up, I'll still have him in my memories as a reminder of a time when I was the happiest.

I open my eyes and look back at the tv one last time. Talking to him even though he'll never hear my words, "Goodbye, my love."

-

-

-

Ch.24

[jongwoosbraceletofteeth]

I have not seen Euphoria. Don’t plan on doing so. But because so many people are pestering me on it, I can confirm:

Billy Loomis > Nate Jacobs 

Tell me I’m wrong. 

[the-gay-trashmouth]

So my chest looks really flat today and i texted me friend about it and they told me they were asked if they were a boy or a girl at swim today and now were both freaking out because EUPHORIA FOR THE NONBINARYS WE ARE THE GENDER

[realtyhubph-blog]

1 BR at Arya Residences BGC

Looking for a modern & luxurious 1 BR condo in the heart of BGC? This Arya Residences unit boasts a stunning high-street view, spacious 65 sqm layout, & LEED Gold certification for eco-friendly living. Top amenities & prime location!

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[expressyouself]

The fact that Jacob and Zendaya have been dating for months now is pretty great.

[sexseptional]

Massie

[lexxihoward]