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im-an-anxious-wreck · 2 years ago

Text

Inspire

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Summary: King Roman had never thought himself the fatherly type. He hadn't had the best example growing up, his father had been… negligent at best.

And while everyone had always praised Roman's father for being a good king, a good father, they did not.

But somehow, despite never expecting to be any sort of fatherly figure or even a mentor, Roman takes a young magical boy in as his ward. What was Roman supposed to do? Just leave Patton in the hands of the awful person who was misusing him for his magic? Hah, Roman thought not.

Will Roman be able to help Patton fit in? Or will he end up just like his father?

Warnings: cursing, kissing, very mild injury, poison/poisoning (doesn't go into gorey detail), some child abuse in the beginning that will probably be referenced later (all sides are sympathetic though)

Universe: Magic/royal au

Perspective/main character: Roman

Side/secondary characters: Patton, Janus, Logan

Appear: Virgil, Remus, Remy, Emile

Romantic relationships: Roceit, background established Dukexiety

Platonic relationships: Roman and Patton, Janus and Logan, Roman and Logan, Janus and Patton

Word Count: 17,458

Link to my collection of TSS fanworks

Any historical inaccuracies are sponsored by this is a fantasy world and I do what I want

This is my second fic for @ts-storytime's big bang challenge!

You can find the adorable art by @thebestworstidea here!!

Thanks to @threecrowsinatrenchcoat for beta-ing!

Roman had never thought himself the best person, nor a particularly great king, but he tried. He did what he could, he did his best, and hoped it was enough. It'd… he'd have to be enough.

He couldn't do everything, and what he did do had to be within the confines of the law, but he couldn't stand by and do nothing. Not when Logan had broken into the castle just to see the library before he died of starvation, and not when he heard a blacksmith yelling at a kid for letting the fire get too low.

And it was no wonder it had gotten so low, the kid looked absolutely exhausted and was— by Remus' morning star, the kid was using fire magic! Why the kid couldn't have been more than ten, and yet he'd clearly been doing sustained fire magic. Even Roman would be exhausted from doing that all day.

The kid wimped and the flames jumped a bit higher, only fueling the fire raging in Roman's gut on the kid's behalf.

"Deep breath," Roman's adviser, Janus whispered. "Pause, remember your intentions, then act."

Roman's chest expanded and contracted with air as he set his intention. Get the kid to safety and try not to don't start a fight. Easy.

Maybe he shouldn't have gone out in disguise today; his usual crown locked away back at the castle and a plain tunic and breeches underneath his red traveling cloak.

Well, there was no point thinking about that now.

Roman walked up to the man, the clacking of his boots on the cobblestone echoing in his ears, and his form strengthened with far more confidence than he actually had. The man barely glanced up at Roman before continuing to ignore him so Roman pursed his lips and said, "Excuse me."

The blacksmith sighed in annoyance before finally looking up at Roman. "What?"

"Is that child yours?"

"Oh, Merlin's balls, what's he done now?"

"Well, nothing. It's actually—"

"Good, then fuck off."

"I— excuse me?"

"You heard me, Buckethead. Fuck. Off."

"Buckethead! I'm not even wearing my hel—"

Roman took another deep breath.

Get the child to safety.

"Sir, you're under arrest."

"What?!" The man squawked indignity. "What for? You can't do that!"

Roman paused for a moment. "Alright. Fair enough. Virgil!"

Virgil practically appeared out of nowhere next to Roman's shoulder. "Yeah?"

"Might I recommend that you arrest him for child abuse?"

"You most certainly can." Virgil's eyes narrowed at the blacksmith, looking at him with deep disgust. "Sir, you are under arrest for the mistreatment and abuse of a child under your care, as well as violating the Worker Safety and Protection Act."

Virgil made a small gesture and two knights down the busy street left their posts and put the man in iron cuffs.

The man turned towards Roman, glaring at him as he roared, "Who do you think you are?! Getting me arrested by the damn captain of the guard for him," He snarled, jerking his head back to the shop briefly, "For him doing magic!"

"Ah, sorry. I suppose I did forget to introduce myself. I'm Roman. King Roman Sanders."

A man just spluttered dumbfoundedly.

Roman resisted the urge to roll his eyes, instead continuing, "Also the problem really isn't with magic, it's with you mistreating him. Good day."

The man tried to argue more —seriously, does he not have any self-preservation?— but Roman had already walked around him to where the young boy was watching the whole ordeal from the corner of the blacksmith shop.

Roman crouched down a little ways away from the child, not wanting him to feel trapped. "Hello."

The boy stared at him for a moment before softly saying, "Hi."

Roman smiled gently at him. "It's nice to meet you. My name's Roman."

"Yeah… I heard."

"Ah, I see. What's your name?"

"...Patton."

Roman had planned to take Patton to an orphanage, but something about how he held himself, something about how he was curled into a tight ball, eyes glittering with equal parts fear and curiosity, it made him think of when he'd found Virgil in his early twenties. Virgil was only five years younger than Roman, and, despite being a teenager at the time, he'd looked so young and small; a symptom from being in one of the neighboring kingdoms' children army.

Patton glanced up at Roman and then down again before finally settling on his hands, and Roman knew, he knew that he'd be taking another person into his small but apparently ever-growing family. Only if Patton wanted him to though, of course.

Roman's knees started to ache so he gently sat down, careful not to make any sudden moves. "How would you like to live with me in the castle?"

"...I don't have any money."

"Ah, no, you wouldn't have to pay."

"Oh… what would you want me to do then? Maybe my magic could be useful to you in some way?"

Roman could practically feel his heart sink in his chest. "I'm not taking you in to be useful, young one."

"Oh…" Patton frowned, considering Roman's words, and Roman let him. "Can— may I ask why you're taking me in then?"

"That's a good question… one that I don't completely know the answer to. But I do know that you didn't deserve to suffer, and I want you to be taken care of. And I'm going to personally make sure that you always have somewhere to stay and be safe, okay?"

"Okay, I— thank you. If you ever change your mind though, I understand."

"I'm quite sure that I won't. Even if you didn't want to live in the castle anymore, I'd still make sure that you have a safe place to live."

"Oh, well that… thank you, sir."

"Now how about we pack anything of yours and then you can meet my two friends, alright?"

"Alright. I'll be very quick, sir."

"That's fine. I'm not in a rush though."

…

After they grabbed Patton's small amount of clothing, they met up with Virgil and Janus, both seeming to take to the child well.

Virgil's guard's had taken the blacksmith away and so the four of them walked to the point where they were to meet the carriage to take them back to the castle.

Roman looked at the child, mind already whirring with all the things he'd need. Patton would definitely need clothes and tutors, a room… there were a few in the royal wing that he might potentially like.

"Patton?"

Patton's eyes snapped to Roman. "Yes?"

"Do you have a favourite colour?"

"Mm… yeah."

"Well, mine's red."

Patton still didn't say his so Virgil declared, "Bet you can't guess mine!" As they made a show of adjusting his purple cape.

Patton almost seemed to be holding back a small smile. "Purple?"

Virgil lightly gasped. "You got it right! What about your favourite colour, Jan?"

"My favourite is definitely the colour of vomit."

Virgil rolled his eyes, and pretended to scold Janus, saying, "Janus Hierophant, your favourite colour is definitely not vomit."

"Alright, fine, Virgil Storm, it's whatever the ugliest colour you can think of is then."

"No, it's yellow!" Patton added, eyes bright as his lips curled upwards ever so slightly.

They all stopped walking and stared at Patton, whose face instantly fell, shoulders hunched.

"Sorry," Patton mumbled.

"You're fine… and right. I'm not sure how you knew that as I'm wearing all black today… but you're right."

"Um… I don't really know either. Sometimes I just know stuff," Patton said as they all continued walking.

"Ah, I see. You might have some intuition-based magic then. What's my favourite animal?"

"...You say it's snakes, but it's actually honey badgers."

Virgil whistled low. "Damn, lying to us, Jan? How dare you."

Virgil said it in such an obviously joking tone that Roman didn't even realise how it might come across to Patton until he heard a small sniffle behind him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get Mr. Hierophant in trouble!"

Janus' demeanor shifted instantly. "You're fine, I'm not in trouble. They were just teasing me."

"...Okay. 'M still sorry."

"It's alright," Janus soothed. "No one's mad."

Patton nodded, eyes still darting around like someone was suddenly going to be angry.

Roman decided to change the conversation, hoping that that might help ease Patton's fear. "Oh, I never got the chance to ask you, Patton, what's your favourite colour?" Technically he'd only asked if Patton had a favorite color, so since the child had taken it so literally, Roman needed to be more specific.

"...Blue, like the sky."

"Ooh, that's a very nice colour."

Patton nodded hesitantly.

Perfect, Roman knew exactly which room to give Patton. It couldn't be more suited for him unless Roman had magically known his tastes and decorated it accordingly.

Patton was absolutely going to love the blue walls with white clouds painted on them. It looked just like the sky and Roman could hardly wait for Patton to see it.

They stopped to get some food for lunch and pretty quickly after they'd paid for it, the carriage arrived.

As Patton ate his bread, looking out the window thoughtfully, Roman couldn't help but feel very grateful that he'd listened to Janus' apprentice. Not only was Logan very smart and learnt quickly, but he sometimes had visions.

That had been the entire reason for Roman's visit from his castle overlooking the valley to the town nestled down in the valley. Logan had said that the bear spirit of children and mistreated workers, Osha had come to him in a dream and told him that Roman needed to make a trip to town. She hadn't told Logan why, just that Roman would know what to do.

And although Roman hadn't realised it at the time, he really had known what to do.

Logan had only been at the castle for a few months, but had settled in quite well, quickly learning a lot from the many books he read and from being under Janus' care.

His dark brown eyes shone with the glitter of knowledge and curiosity, and Logan's curls were a lot healthier after the court physician and herbalist, Emile, had shown Logan some hair care that Logan hadn't had access to when he lived on the streets.

Actually getting the nutrients Logan needed had also helped him flourish, his frame no longer so thin and boney.

It was almost hard to believe that it'd only been a few months, but at the same time it almost seemed like longer; Logan fit right in.

Roman sat down in his room by the roaring fireplace.

Roman's recent meeting of Patton had made him think of when Janus had taken Logan in…

Roman was looking over some information about his kingdom in his private study when his adviser, Janus came in, escorting a boy about fifteen. They both walked to the middle of the room.

"Your majesty," Janus said curtly with a nod.

Roman set down the documents, now fully turning to face the both of them, taking in the boy's mismatched, worn, ill-fitting —albeit clean— clothes and cracked glasses. The boy's hair was in rather loose, uneven corn rows, it looked like he'd most likely done them himself and without the aid of a mirror.

"Yes?" Roman asked.

"I… I'd like you to hear me out before you cast your judgment."

Roman furrowed his brow, glancing at the boy again. "I always try to, but I will make extra sure that I do this time. What happened?"

"This young man broke into the castle—"

"I didn't break in. Nothing was broken."

"...Alright." Janus conceited, despite usually being no-nonsense and absolutely hating being interrupted. "He snuck into the castle without permission, and into our main library without being detected."

"Well, it seemed like he was detected at some point."

"I— yes. I found him in there reading a book, but that's not the point."

"Then what is the point? I presume that there's more to the story, otherwise you would've dealt with it yourself."

"Of course. I'd never waste your time like that. He's an orphan and wanted to see the great library before he died of hunger," Janus said, voice even more emotionless than usual.

"Alright… So, wh—" Then it hit Roman.

Janus was standing slightly in front of the boy; right arm slightly out, not to keep the boy back, but to keep the boy from Roman; Janus' face and voice had been professional at best, and purposely flat at the worst. Janus… cared about the boy, but was trying not to show it. Hmm…

"Ah, I see."

"...You do?" Janus asked, almost apprehensively.

"Yes, I do. Do what you see fit and let me know if you need something, anything from me."

"Oh… I mean, yes, alright. Thank you." Janus finally dropped the arm he'd been half holding in from of the boy, clearly no longer concerned that the boy's wellbeing was in danger.

Roman looked at the boy. "So, you really wanted to see our library before you died?"

The boy's eyes looked slightly afraid, but he hid it about as well as Janus did. "Yes, sire. I figured if I was going to die, I might as well have seen the most magnificent library in the kingdom, or die trying."

"How would you feel about being an apprentice instead of that death you seem to be so sure is going to happen soon?"

"An apprenticeship?"

"With me," Janus cut in. "If you'd like." Janus turned to look at the boy easier. "You'd learn all sorts of things. An advisor must be knowledgeable in a lot of different subjects after all. But you absolutely can say no. There'd be no consequences for doing so as I'd simply just find a good orphanage for you to live in. And I understand if you need some time to think it ov—"

"Yes," The boy said, almost desperately, interrupting Janus for the second time.

But Janus didn't seem to mind, only looking at the boy in surprise. "...Yes, you'd like more time to think it over, or yes, you'd like to be my apprentice?"

"Yes, I'd like to be your apprentice… please."

"Oh, right. I— great. Um… would you like me to find public housing for you, or would you rather stay here in the castle? I believe there's some quarters near mine, you know, that way if you needed anything, I'd be right there."

"In the castle would be preferable, thank you."

"Right… and of course we'll need to stop by the seamstress… perhaps after you bathe though. Oh, and you'll need new glasses. Do you want a haircut?"

"Yes, please."

"So the barber as well…"

"Well," Roman said, clapping his hands together gently. "I don't suppose I'm needed for this part, and besides, Janus has been quite firm that I need to memorize all twenty of these pages before my meeting tomorrow, so I should really be getting back to them."

Janus rolled his eyes. "I definitely most did not tell you to memorize them. Just a run-through is fine."

"Well, no matter. I have pages to read, and Janus needs to show you to your quarters and take care of your other necessities. Ah, and perhaps a visit to the physician and then subsequently the kitchen."

"Oh, of course. Good idea."

Roman felt a bit bad just calling the boy… well, 'the boy' all the time. "What's your name?"

"My name is Logan, sire."

"Well, as you might know, I'm Roman." Roman held his hand out and shook the bo— Logan's hand.

"I… am aware."

"Well, let me formally welcome you to the castle. I hope you enjoy your time here and don't hesitate to let me or Janus know if you need anything. Oh, and you should know, now that you're the royal advisor's apprentice, you'll have access to the very exclusive Royal Library as well as the one that's open to all people who live here. We call it the Grand Library."

Logan's eyes widened in shock. "Really? I can visit not only the Grand Library, but the Royal Library as well?"

"That's right."

"Wow… oh, er, thank you."

"You're welcome, Logan. I know you'll appreciate and take care of the books."

"Yes, I will, sir."

Roman smiled at Logan before turning to Janus. "I expect him to shadow you for at least a week before he's left on his own outside of his room."

Janus inclined his head. "Of course, your majesty."

Roman smiled to himself.

He'd been a little unsure about Logan but his magic hadn't felt anything off and if anything had actually pulled Roman to Logan. Roman suspected that Janus had felt that same magical pull, especially seeing how protective of Logan he was, and how quickly he grew to care for the boy.

It was easier to recognise that pull Janus had to Logan now as Roman had felt it towards Patton just that morning.

Roman sighed and began pacing again.

Logan knew what it felt like to be new to the castle and from a bad situation, maybe he'd have some advice for Roman. He really felt out of his depth here.

Janus had been the one to arrange for everything that Logan had needed, so Roman really didn't know what to do. Despite taking in several people, he still didn't feel very good at it.

Maybe he should ask Janus as well.

Roman walked through the halls, his red, detachable cape billowing out behind him as castle workers moved out of his way and bowed their heads in respect.

It was late afternoon and Roman suspected that Janus and Logan were probably either in the Royal Library or in Janus' office. However, the library was a bit more likely at the moment.

Roman nodded to the guard outside the door and flung both doors open a bit more dramatically than perhaps was necessary. The guard closed them behind Roman.

Logan looked up from his book from where he sat in an armchair, Janus in the other one, and Roman could practically feel Janus' eye roll.

"Good day, sire," Logan greeted as he stood and bowed. "Mr. Hierophant filled me in with what transpired this morning, I'm glad my prophecy was useful."

Roman gestured for Logan to sit as he said, "And I as well. That's what I wished to discuss actually. I'd imagine that the castle took some getting used to when you had first arrived, and so I was hoping you might have some advice to make Patton feel more welcome. Also, that Janus might have something as well. I know he orchestrated a lot of your care."

"Well," Janus said, drawing out the word in his elongated speech pattern, "That doesn't sound like it could be a long conversation, don't sit down." Janus summoned a chair close to his and Logan's. "I can tell when you're feeling awkward while standing after all."

After Roman sat down he laughed lightly. "True, you did teach me how to hide it somewhat though."

"May I ask how long the both of you have known each other?"

"Of course, Logan. I don't pretend to speak for Janus, but unless I am otherwise occupied with royal duties, you may always ask me questions. If I don't have the answer or want to answer, I'll just state as such."

"I believe I've told you something similar about questions relating to knowledge," Janus said. "But I shall extend it to the length that our king has."

"Ah, but to answer your question," —Roman briefly glanced at Janus for permission to share, catching the small squint of approval which was most likely unnoticed by Logan (despite his wonderful observant skills), before Roman continued— "We've known each other about… well, since my coronation at eighteen, he was only fifteen so I waited a few years to let him learn more and get more experience and exposure to other cultures.

"Everyone tried to get me to take an older adviser, and I did assemble a small council of elders for some matters of advice and to keep me in check, I especially needed their advice while Janus was traveling and learning, but I just knew that Janus was supposed to be my personal and the head advisor. Even though he was only nineteen when I made his position official, he was and still is wise beyond his years."

"My my, getting sappy on me, my king?" Janus jested.

"Always," Roman joked, affection for his adviser and friend warming his chest.

There was a small pause before Logan said, "Ah, I got us off topic with my question, I believe you were asking about things you could do to make Patton feel more comfortable?"

Roman finally looked away from Janus. "Yes, that's correct."

"Well, I'd imagine— er…" Logan exhaled. "From experience, I know that since he's most likely dealt with food scarcity, it's important to make sure that he has a good relationship with food, even if it takes a while to get there. I'd recommend making a plan with Dr. Picani."

"Mm, good idea."

"Perhaps we could give him some non-perishable snacks that he could keep in his room," Janus suggested. "That way he can hide them wherever he wants and doesn't have to worry about them being taken away."

"Yes, that's a good idea as well. I'll talk to Emile about getting the nutrition he needs as well as the head chef about non-perishable snacks. Thank you both for the help."

Roman stood and Logan hastened to do the same before bowing.

"You're welcome, sire."

Roman inclined his head. Even though he'd told Logan that he didn't have to stand and bow every time Roman came and went —especially in close company—, he still seemed to feel the need to anyway.

"See you later, my king," Janus said in that sly tone that suggested that he knew something the other person didn't, although Roman couldn't think what, so it was most likely that Janus was just messing with him.

"Have a good rest of your day."

As Roman went back to his kingly duties, he couldn't get Janus' soft smirk out of his head.

…Well, Janus did have a rather nice face.

In hindsight, maybe Roman should have realised that throwing a big party to announce and introduce his ward wasn't the best idea for a traumatised kid.

He felt bad but it was why he was all the more grateful that Logan had told him to give Patton somewhere to go to if he was feeling overwhelmed.

Roman wasn't sure if Patton would want company, but he'd at least check on him while Janus distracted some of the guests. Janus could be quite crafty and easily turned people's attention away from disappearing royal members. His charm seemed to naturally come to him in an almost genuine way, and if Roman hadn't seen him without it, hadn't seen his snide, passive aggressiveness, and sarcastic nature behind closed doors, he'd have no idea that wasn't Janus' genuine personality.

Roman sighed. He really didn't get out to the maze often enough, he was pretty sure that he was pretty lost and wasn't quite sure how to fix that problem. Fire magic was certainly out of the question, the gardener —an older, pleasant enough woman— would not be happy about a path carved through, even if Roman kept it contained and didn't burn down the whole maze. She loved plants and took pride in her work, besides, it just seemed like a shame to mess up part of the maze like that just because Roman was bad when it came to outdoor directions.

Ah, what was it that Janus had said? Stick to the left wall and as long as the maze itself doesn't change, that even if it takes longer, eventually you'll find the exit. Or in this case, the center.

Roman walked along the left hedge wall with his hand running along it for a minute before a sudden pain blossomed between his first finger and thumb.

"Ah!" Roman frowned at the bleeding cut. While he was proficient in some kinds of magic, healing magic was certainly not his forte.

Roman pulled out his red handkerchief and wrapped it around the wound —he could always deal with it later, right now he needed to check on Patton—, and continued walking.

It was several minutes before he came out into the large, open garden that was nicknamed 'The Jewel Of The Maze'.

The fireflies glittered about, echoing the stars above as both were reflected in the water of the large fountain in the very center of the garden.

Patton and Logan sat side by side on a bench that faced the fountain and it sounded like they were talking quietly but any conversation died down as Roman approached them.

Logan inclined his head towards Roman. "Greetings."

"Hello, Logan. Hello, Patton."

Patton didn't say anything, just looked at his twisting fingers in his lap.

Roman walked closer and sat on the edge of the fountain wall directly in front of Patton and Logan. "I'm sorry, Patton."

"...What for? I'm the one who ran away for no reason."

"It didn't seem like no reason to me."

"He's right, Patton. You were overwhelmed and needed a break. There's nothing wrong with that."

"I completely understand getting overwhelmed, we may have gone a bit overboard with the guest list." Roman huffed. "Actually, I'd disappear from parties and events frequently. Fortunately, Janus is good at keeping a crowd entertained, and sometimes even from noticing key guests' absences or at the very least explaining where they've gone that's an acceptable excuse for the public. So take all the time you need."

"Okay, thank you."

"Of course. Really that was bad planning on my part, but I'll do better next time."

"Still, I should've been able to handle it."

"I don't see how you healthily could've," Logan said not unkindly. "I presume it was your first event of that magnitude?"

"...Yeah."

"Also, it was a lot of people and noise, and a lot of focus on you. You'd never been to an event like that before, so it's quite understandable that you needed a break. You handled it quite well, and I'm glad you recognised that you needed to leave and then did so before you were really overwhelmed and possibly had an anxiety attack or began crying. You did well under the circumstances."

"Oh, I— thanks, Logan."

Logan gave Patton a small smile. "You're welcome."

Patton looked back at Roman before saying, "Oh! What happened to your hand?"

Roman looked down at his handkerchief-wrapped hand to see if maybe he'd bled through it, but he hadn't. "Ah, I cut it on a branch in the maze."

Patton frowned before standing up and walking over. "May I see it please?"

"I… suppose so?"

Patton carefully unwrapped Roman's hand and examined it, turning it this way and that. "Hmm."

A little ball of floating light appaired a few feet above them and Roman belatedly realised that Patton must've summoned it with his magic.

"So, what's the diagnosis, physician?" Roman joked.

"Oh, it's just a small cut, the blood around it just makes it seem bigger than it is, but we don't want it to get sick so—"

"Sick?" Logan asked.

"Yeah, when it's all extra painful, and it's all pink."

"Ah, there's a word for that: infection. So it'd be 'we don't want it to get infected'."

"Oh, okay. You're so smart, Logan!"

Logan smiled softly. "Thank you."

"You don't have to worry about me, Patton. I'll take it to Emile in a bit."

"Yeah, you could. Or… well, I could just heal it."

"You can do that?"

"Yeah, isn't… isn't it the easiest kind of magic?"

Roman smiled. "Well, it depends. Magicians tend to have a category or two of magic that comes easier to them. Healing magic is pretty much impossible for me, but it could certainly be the kind of magic that you excel in."

"Oh, that's cool. Um, is it okay if I heal it?"

"If you want to. I really don't mind taking it to Emile though."

"Okie dokie." Patton focused on the wound and raised his hand just above it.

Roman blinked and the cut was gone, even the blood that'd been drying around it had vanished. "Exemplary!" He flexed his hand experimentally. It didn't even ache.

"That was most impressive," Logan complimented.

"Oh." Patton beamed under their praise. "Thanks."

Roman patted the fountain wall next to him and Patton sat down next to him.

"What other types of magic do you know?" Logan asked.

"Well, I…" Patton's shoulders drooped a bit. "Um, I guess I can sustain fire magic for hours at a time, I don't really like to though."

"Ah, of course. Apologies, I didn't mean to—"

"No, it's okay!" Patton winced. "Ach, wait, sorry. Sometimes I just interrupt without thinking."

Roman assured, "It's alright, Patton. We know it wasn't on purpose. You were just trying to assure Logan."

"Yeah."

"Oh, hey, Patton? Would you like for me to show some more magic?"

Patton's eyes widened. "Really?! Uh, I mean… if you want to, I'd really like that."

"I want to. Here, hold your hand out like this." Roman held his palm out towards the starry sky and Patton copied him. Roman pushed a bit of his magic to the center of his hand and up, forming a red butterfly.

"Oh! Cool! Can I try?"

"Of course! There's some magic that might be a bit more tricky or even dangerous that you wouldn't want to do without the proper precautions, but a simple energy construct

is perfectly harmless."

"Okay." Patton focused on his hand and after a few seconds a small, sky-blue butterfly appeared, it was slightly translucent and quite sparkly as beginner magicians' constructs tended to be. Patton gasped excitedly. "I did it!"

"You sure did!"

"Hm, that's interesting," Logan said absentmindedly.

"What's interesting?"

"Ah, just that your magic is red which seems to be at least one of your favourite colours, and Patton's is a light blue which is his. In addition, I've seen Janus' magic glow yellow which seems to be his as it's the only colour other than black that he wears."

"Very astute observation, Logan. When making constructs with one's magic it's the favourite colour of the person… well, or at least one they like a lot. Not everyone necessarily only has one favourite colour. But anyway, you're right. Another magician you know would be Remus, his favourite colour is green, hence why he wears it a lot."

"That's coo—" Patton lost concentration and the butterfly disappeared. "Oops, sorry." He put his hand down again.

"It's alright. It's easy to do! I was impressed that you held it as long as you did, and especially after you'd made the butterfly on the first try after having only seen me do it once." Roman dropped his hand and his butterfly vanished as well. "Do you think you're ready to go back to the party, or shall we call it a night and go to bed?"

"Um…"

"Either is a perfectly acceptable option."

"Okay… I think I wanna try the party again. I'm a bit more ready since I know what to expect this time."

"Alright. Oh, I do want to apologise again for not preparing you properly. I should've warned you better and tried to do something to make it not as overwhelming. Like for one thing, the guest list was far too long. I should've kept it smaller."

"Well… it is what it is. It's easy to say 'oh I should've done this or that' but you didn't know then what you know now."

"That's very true, Patton."

"You're quite emotionally intelligent."

"Thanks, Logan."

"What about a background blocker? I don't know how to do it, but I know that Janus does."

"Hmm, what does it do exactly?"

"It just muffles the background noise so that it's not as overwhelming. You can still have conversations and notice if someone's yelling for whatever reason, but other people's chatter isn't as loud."

"That sounds good… oh, well, as long as it's not too difficult."

"I don't think it would be for him, but we can ask." Roman turned to Logan. "Did you want to go with us, Logan?"

"Sure. I might retire a bit early though, I'd like to finish my book on Sir Charles the third before I sleep."

"Sounds good." Roman stood up, Patton and Logan following him to an opening into the maze. "Uh… you wouldn't happen to know the way, would you Logan?"

"No, sire."

"Hmm…"

"I think I do," Patton piped up. "I knew which way to go before getting here."

"Ah, your intuition magic must've kicked in— Wait, then how did Logan get through it?"

"I followed Patton."

"Well, then." Roman bowed with one hand on his chest and the other one out, gesturing to the opening in the maze. "After you, oh great guide."

"Patton!" Roman cried out, feeling his blood go cold and stomach drop as Patton collapsed.

Janus was only just able to catch Patton before he fell to the stone floor.

Roman rushed over. "Is he okay?"

"...Yes, for now. He's breathing and his pulse is a bit erratic, yet somehow slow, but it's there."

Virgil all but ran up, eyes darting around in suspicion. "Give him here, we need to get him to Emile. Remy! Damnit, where are yo—"

"Here! Right here." Remy's usual smirk was nowhere to be found, a serious and focused look on his face instead.

"Okay, lock it down. I'm taking Patton to the infirmary."

"Yes, sir."

Logan smelled the cup that Patton had been drinking from and frowned. "Mr. Hierophant, would you please come smell this?"

Janus carefully tucked Patton in Virgil's arms before taking the goblet from Logan, and after smelling it, his expression also soured. "It's poisoned."

"That's what it seemed like to me as well."

Roman glanced around the dining hall before he bit his lip momentarily and said, "Okay. Janus, can you help the guards lock everything down? You're so much better with smoothing things over."

"Of course. Logan, come with me."

"Yes, sire."

Roman was just about to rush after Patton but quickly turned back to Janus. "Oh, wait, give me the goblet. I'll take it with me for Emile to identify."

…

This was all Roman's fault.

Who would poison Patton? He was just a kid, and an extremely sweet one at that.

Had that cup been intended for Roman? Or had someone just wanted to get at Roman by poisoning his ward?

Roman sighed and looked over at the unconscious Patton, wishing he was just sleeping instead.

Emile was currently in his office examining the poison and Roman just hoped he could make a cure from it.

It'd only been a short while since he'd arrived in the infirmary, but Roman's worry seemed to stretch the time far, far longer.

Eventually, Emile came out of his office, a solemn frown on his face.

Roman rushed to stand, almost knocking his chair over in the process. "What news have you?"

"Well, it's curable."

"That's—" Roman cut himself off. "I'm sensing a 'but'."

Emile nodded as he pushed up his glasses. "But the cure is quite a ways away."

"Of course it is," Roman said bitterly. "Where and how far away exactly?"

"The cure can be made from the flowers of the moondrop plant, but the dragon witch hordes all the known plants."

"Right. Will…" Roman gently looked at Patton. "Will you stay with him while I hold council?"

"Of course, Roman. I won't leave this room."

"Alright. Thank you, Emile."

…

Roman sat in the smaller of his two council rooms, around a round table with Virgil and Janus on his left and right respectively. Remus' and Emile's chairs stood empty as Remus was out of town and Emile was with Patton. Logan stood behind Janus' chair.

"Logan, you may as well sit in Emile's chair as he's watching over Patton under my request."

"Yes, sire." Logan sat down on Janus' other side.

"How is he?" Virgil asked.

"Emile's got him stable enough for now, but he needs the cure sooner rather than later. Unfortunately, the dragon witch is the only known person who has moondrops."

Janus pursed his lips. "Ah, that's at least a two-day journey. I'd like permission to be the one to get it."

"Granted."

"Sire, if I may." Logan adjusted his glasses.

"Of course, Logan. What is it?"

"I'd like permission to go as well."

"You're still rather young…" Roman thought back to all the adventures he and Remus had gone on when they were Logan's age and even younger. "But you've proven yourself quite adaptive, smart, and your self-defence fighting has come a long way. So, I will let Janus decide whether or not you'll go as he's the one leading this mission."

Janus nodded before he turned to Logan and considered him for a moment. "Alright. You may come, but if it gets too dangerous I want you to hide, and if you feel in over your head you tell me immediately. Those are my terms."

"Thank you. I accept your terms, sir."

Roman nodded once. "Good, now that we have that settled…" He turned to Virgil. "Virgil, do we know who's responsible for this disgusting act?"

"I believe so, yes. One Sir Richard Huxley."

His magic and anger burned in his stomach as Roman tried not to outright demand, "Why would be want to poison Patton? Is he planning a larger attack and this is just the start?"

"We suspect that the poisoned goblet was intended for you but got mixed up and Patton got it instead. I don't think he had a plan beyond this, but the castle is still on high alert in case anyone affiliated with him or opportunists want to try anything. Remy's talking with him right now, so we'll see what he can get out of him in regards to his plans."

Roman exhaled, letting some of the anger and tension leave his body. It wouldn't help Patton if his mind was clouded with anger. "Alright. Janus, Logan, start preparing for your departure as soon as possible, and may Osha guide you." Roman turned to Virgil. "Keep me informed, Virgil. I want to know as soon as you have more information. If anyone needs me, I'll be in the infirmary." The 'with Patton' went unsaid, but still was present as if it had been.

…

Roman was exhausted, a weariness settled deep into his bones, but he wouldn't, couldn't go to bed. He… he needed to be there in case something happened. It just didn't feel right to leave Patton here, even if the first mate of the guard, Remy, was standing watch just outside the infirmary doors.

Emile had long since gone to bed, but perhaps he could stay with Patton for a few hours the next morning while Roman got a bit of rest.

Roman sighed as he scrubbed his face with his hands.

He'd only do that if he really needed to. Sure, Emile would be here anyway, and Roman trusted Emile with his life —and had on several occasions before— but he couldn't help but feel that something bad would happen if he left Patton's side.

He just… needed to be here.

The door opened, startling Roman. All sleepiness left him as his senses went sharp and alert. His sword wasn't quite in arm's reach but it could be in a sec— Roman's shoulders sagged in relief when he saw that it was just Remus.

Remus looked almost a bit sheepish. "Hey, didn't mean to make you jump."

"It's fine."

"Burning the midnight oil, huh?"

"Yeah." Roman looked at Patton's sickly pale face, guilt twisting in his gut.

What was the point of all his wealth and power if he couldn't prevent someone under his care from getting poisoned?

Roman looked back at Remus. "Didn't know you were back."

"Yeah, got the messenger fox and hightailed it back. Knew you'd need me here."

"Thanks." Roman pulled the blanket a bit higher on Patton.

Remus hummed before dragging a chair over by Roman's, not caring in the slightest as it made a screeching noise against the stone floor.

Roman huffed almost lightly. "You know how much Emile doesn't like it when you do that."

Remus smirked. "Why do you think I do it?"

Roman shook his head fondly. "He's going to make you remove the gouges and marks again."

"Well, that's just fine. 'S not like I'm gonna run out of magic."

Roman looked away to hide his small smile, but it easily fell when he saw Patton.

"He's gonna get better," Remus said, unusually solemn.

"...I hope so."

"He will," Remus assured. "Janny and little Lo are gonna get the moondrop and Emile is gonna make the cure and he's gonna be okay. It'll just take a few days."

"What— what if he doesn't have a few days?"

"Well… I— he's strong, Ro. He'd have to be to survive the initial first wave. Obviously the poison is still in his veins and has attached itself to him, but the first hour is the most critical. Now it's just a matter of waiting 'till Janny gets back."

Roman sighed. "Right, I just— am worried."

"Which is perfectly understandable. I… I am too, but I think that Pat's strong enough. I mean, fuck, he took a big swig of a fatal to adults dose of poison, and has survived the afternoon and evening with a good prospect. What other nine-year-olds can say that?"

Roman hummed. "True. And I… I know that, it's just… hard." He sniffed.

"Aww, hey, he's gonna be okay, you both are. …It's gonna be a rough few days, huh?"

Roman nodded, not trusting his voice.

Remus scooted his chair closer and guided Roman's head onto chaos' shoulder, one arm wrapped around him and the other patting his hair.

"Yeah, just let it all out, Ro-bro. Let that fear and worries out. I'm right here."

Roman nodded and buried his nose into Remus' fabric, taking a shaky breath as he began to cry.

They stayed like that for several minutes as Roman cried his eyes out. He still felt shitty, but a bit better as he finally pulled away and wiped his red-rimmed eyes.

"How ya doin'?" Remus asked, speaking quietly so as not to break the fragile silence.

"...A bit better, I think. It's… I'm still extremely worried."

"Which is okay and to be expected."

"But it's not quite as overwhelming as it was."

"Well, good. Oh!" Remus pulled a brown paper sack out of one of his magically large pockets. "I brought you some food by the way."

"It's not poisoned, is it?" Roman tried to joke but winced as he glanced at Patton. "That was both poor timing and a poor joke."

Remus snorted. "Just my type of humour! But no, I 100% made it myself 'n everything. Not poisoned. Besides, I only poisoned you that one time!"

"It was twice."

"Oh, shit, really? When was the other time? Ohh! Oh, yeah. I'd forgotten about the summersnow moss I'd put in your apple mint pie." Remus shook chaos' head. "Man, that was so long ago."

"Hah, yeah. It sure was."

Remus hummed before handing Roman the brown paper sack. "Anyway, here ya go."

"Thanks." Roman took out the sandwich and had eaten a fourth of it before he realised and tried to slow down a bit.

"I figured you'd probably skipped supper 'cuz of the adrenaline and all the worry, besides, who doesn't love a midnight snack?"

"Strangely enough, Logan."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, he read in a book somewhere that it was bad for you and can cause indigestion if you eat too close to bedtime."

Remus laughed. "Mr. Know-it-all's got it all figured out, huh?"

"Mm, not really."

"Yeah, he's got a lot to learn. I mean, he's already learned so much, and quickly, but he's still got a ways to go. Well, not that learning is ever done… but anyway, there's still a ways 'till he's as ready for adulthood as he can be."

"Hah, true. Is anyone ever actually ready for adulthood? I know we sure weren't."

"Eh, maybe that's just a part of it. Part of learning to be ready for adulthood is the random shit that life throws at you while you're an adult."

"That is… surprisingly insightful of you."

"Well, you know me, full of surprises… and something else."

"Shit and hot air."

"Yep, bingo!"

Roman just rolled his eyes. Remus never got tired of that joke.

Roman finished his sandwich and put the bag on the nightstand near the infirmary bed before smoothing back Patton's hair and sitting down.

"I—" Roman frowned. "Wait, Patton has really great intuition, like, he told Janus that he may say his favourite animal is a snake, but that Patton knew that it was actually a honey badger."

"...Okay?"

"But then why didn't it go off when he was about to drink the poison? Does it not work for danger somehow? Because if that's the case, that'd be quite bad. That's when it'd be the most helpful."

"Oh, hmm… I would think it goes off for danger too, but then why… maybe— hm, yeah maybe…"

"Maybe what?"

"Okay, this may be one of my two good thoughts this year, but… maybe his intuition told him to drink it?"

"What? Why! Remus, that makes absolutely no sense."

"No, no, hear me out! From what I've heard, intuition can be frustratingly vague, but if it told him to take that one, he would, right?"

"...Yeah? I still don't see where you're going with this though."

"Well, maybe it knew that you wouldn't be able to handle that much and that volatile of a poison, but that Patton would. His internal healing powers are the only thing that kept him from death's door, right? Like I said, it would've been a fatal dose for an adult."

"I— you don't really think…" Roman exhaled deeply. "That certainly sounds like Patton. I could see his intuition guiding him to be poisoned to save my life, even if Patton didn't exactly understand all that at the time."

Remus hummed in agreement and they sat there, Roman watching Patton and Remus watching Roman.

"You need sleep," Remus finally said.

"...Yeah. I just— can't leave him, you know? How am I supposed to sleep when he's here, unconscious and sick?"

Remus exhaled before gently saying, "There's not anything you can do for him right now, nothing except take care of yourself."

"I… I should be here with him."

"And you have been, but he'd want you to take care of yourself. How are you gonna be awake enough to talk to him when he wakes after Emile gives him the cure if you haven't gotten much sleep? Sure, you'll accidentally fall asleep at some point, but you need proper rest."

"Well…" Roman blinked tiredly.

"Come on, Ro. I'll stay here all night… and may knock you out with my morning star if you say no," Remus teased in a sing-song tone. "So, let me spend some time with my basically-nephew. Okay?"

Roman's shoulders slumped and he knew that Remus was right. "Okay." Bed did sound particularly good right then, his achy muscles agreeing. "Just… keep him safe, okay?"

Remus nodded solemnly. "Of course, always."

"Alright…" Roman stood up and looked at Patton. "I'll see you both tomorrow."

"See you later! Can't believe you're making me be all responsible and shit," Remus joked.

Roman huffed. "Actually you volunteered— no, worse, threatened me, so it's only on you."

"Darn," Remus said sarcastically.

"Goodnight."

" 'Night!"

Roman walked to the double doors and opened one, slipping through. He looked back at Remus and Patton one last time, smiling softly as Remus began to read a storybook to Patton's sleeping form, and quietly shut the door.

Roman said 'goodnight' to Remy, put a small charm on the doors and went to bed.

It was going to be a long few days.

Roman almost cried in relief when Janus and Logan returned with Patton's cure, and did actually cry a bit when Patton woke up, wiping his damp eyes as he greeted Patton.

"Hey, Pat. How are you feeling?"

"Mm, throat hurts." Patton furrowed his brow and closed his eyes. "Head too."

Roman hadn't even opened his mouth to ask someone to get some water when Janus appeared by his elbow handing him a half-full glass.

Roman helped Patton drink and afterward, to settle back against the pillows. He set the cup on the bedside table in case Patton wanted more later.

There was so much he wanted to say to Patton; he wanted to say how very glad he was that he was okay, he wanted to thank him —and perhaps scold him just a bit— for drinking the poison that was meant for Roman… but instead, he just said, "Glad to see you awake. Um, Emile's making you some tea, by the way. I believe he said that it should help with the headache and sore throat that he figured you'd have. Uh, he also said that he can do some yarrow compresses for any aching muscles, but I'm getting ahead of myself."

Patton nodded before looking around the infirmary room, eyes landing on Janus and Logan who were hanging back to give them some space. "Hi," Patton said tiredly, but clearly glad to see them.

They came a bit closer as Logan said, "Hello, Patton. I'm glad to see that you're awake now."

"Glad to be awake. Is everyone okay?"

"Yes," Janus answered. "Everyone's okay. Virgil and Remy locked things down quickly and found the person who," Roman noticed the briefest hesitation, although he doubted that it was noticeable to the children, "Poisoned you."

"Oh, good. Was he working alone?"

"Fortunately, yes."

"Well, all's well that ends well."

Roman laughed. "I suppose you're right.

…

Patton soon fell asleep after that, but that was to be expected as he desperately needed the rest.

Logan sat on the bed next to Patton, claiming that it was so Patton wouldn't feel alone as he slept, but Roman knew that Logan was also sitting there to assure himself that Patton was indeed okay.

After Logan's eyes started drooping, Janus pulled himself up a chair next to Roman's and by the time he looked up, Logan was laying next to Patton, almost curled around him, and asleep as well.

"He had a big day," Janus murmured.

"Mm, we all did. I'd imagine that your quest was quite strenuous."

"It was, but he was quite remarkable," Janus murmured softly, nothing but pride in his voice.

"I have no doubt."

"I would tell you about it, but I believe he wanted to. It's pretty late though, and we had a long day." Janus gave a short quiet laugh. "Well, we all did. But I highly doubt that he'll wake up anytime soon, so it'll have to be tomorrow."

"Speaking of being late, you should go to sleep."

"So should you," Janus pointed out knowingly.

"Hey, I slept some…"

"I presume under threat by Remus?"

"...Yeah."

"That's what I thought, so now I'm the one threatening you," Janus said, voice light.

"Oh, really? And what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to squeeze you like a python."

"...So you're going to give me a hug? And here I thought it was going to be something I wouldn't like. Maybe I shouldn't go then."

"Okay, while that's an excellent point, you should still sleep."

"As should you. You've been traveling all day."

"And you've been watching over Patton all day. Go to bed."

"I will later. You go."

"I will later. You go," Janus mimicked.

"W—"

The door quietly opened and Virgil peered in before quietly shuffling in and closing the door behind himself. "Hey," Virgil whispered. "What's going on?"

"Roman won't go to sleep," Janus said.

Roman said at the same time, "Janus won't go to sleep."

Virgil huffed and seemed to be repressing a laugh. "Well, it's a good thing that I'm here to watch over Patton then." They glance at Logan's sleeping face. "And Logan now too."

"Oh, thank you."

"Sounds like a compromise to me," Janus said. "See you gents in the morning?"

Virgil gave a two-finger salute. "Of course, Jan."

"Goodnight," Roman said, accidentally sounding wearier than he meant.

Hopefully Patton would be a lot more awake and aware, and on the mend the next day.

…

The next day, Patton was well enough to get around with a cane, as long as someone was with him in case he fell, and if he took a few breaks. Fortunately, there were more than just a few benches throughout the castle, some even with a magnificent view of the surrounding rolling hills and autumn leaves.

It was a nice day and Emile had said that some sunshine would be good for Patton, so Roman decided that it'd be nice if they had a picnic lunch in the courtyard.

After they ate, Logan and Janus told of their quest to get the Moondrop plant for Patton.

"—And then after we'd gone through the tunnels in the mountain," Logan was saying, "There was a large dragon in an even larger cavern. Her scales glittered like silver and gold and smoke curled out of her nose. She seemed quite angry to be disturbed so Janus went into a fighting stance but we hadn't even tried any diplomacy yet. She was just angry because she'd rather be left alone and every so often people will try to fight her for her treasure, but once I explained our situation and that we didn't want to fight or her treasure, we had no problem getting along."

"We have a new ally now," Roman said.

"A new friend," Logan corrected. "She just wants to be left alone for the most part. Malcana —oh, that's her name by the way— said that we could visit though."

"That's really cool, Logan! You're so brave. Were you scared to face the big dragon?" Patton asked.

"Yes, but being brave is doing the right thing despite being scared, and I knew that Janus would get us out of there if it went wrong."

"Well, I'm glad I have your confidence," Janus said, a small and gentle smile on his face.

Roman was so glad that they were all okay, that his… his family was okay. Gratitude filled his heart as he looked from Patton to Logan to Janus.

They were going to be okay.

Roman had never felt such hot rage and betrayal in his life. In fact, the only time he'd ever been anywhere near this mad before was at the person who'd poisoned Patton.

Things had been going well, a little too well, in fact. So, Roman had expected something bad to happen… but this, this went beyond even Virgil's worrying and doomsday scenarios.

Janus, the man who'd been by his side for over a decade, had been playing the long game, and who knows how much longer it would've gone on if a servant that'd worked for Janus' father —before he'd died eleven years prior—, hadn't come forward with the information that Janus' father had instructed Janus to get close to Roman and corrupt or overthrow him.

Roman almost didn't believe it, couldn't really. He'd thought, surely this person was lying, but he couldn't help but wonder… couldn't help but doubt.

So, he'd gone to talk to Janus about it, but it'd quickly gotten out of hand, Roman full-on accusing him of everything he'd heard.

But that hadn't been the worst part, Roman would've felt bad enough if Janus had been offended that he'd even suggested that, but he wasn't, he didn't deny it at all. And that was worse, way worse.

Janus just looked at the ground, something heavy and almost sad in his eyes. "I'm sorry—"

"I don't want your— your bullshit apologies. We've known each other for… fuck, for fourteen years and this entire time, you've been plotting behind my back! I have absolutely no idea to the extent of all the terrible, horrible things you've done, and what was done in my name. I just— I don't even know what to think, what even is the appropriate reaction and punishment for— for this!"

"If I could—"

"No, you can't! Be quiet," Roman growled.

Janus quieted instantly and Roman would've felt bad if Janus hadn't just utterly betrayed him.

Roman rambled on, "After all these years, after I've trusted you for over a decade, only to find that you have betrayed me in this way. Do you know how many times I have stood up for you! What great conquests and burdens I had taken on for you at my own expense! It didn't really seem consequential at the time as I did it out of a place of love, but after…" Roman growled, low and frustrated. "You really are the snake they all claim you to be. Did you even poison Patton just to 'cure' him??"

This got Janus' attention as he jerked his head up. "Of course not—"

"How can I trust that you're telling the truth?! I can't help but wonder if you recruited Logan and forced him to work for you or face staying on the streets to starve to death!"

"No! I care for Logan dearly! Just— just let me explain myself, please!" Janus asked, practically begged, but Roman won't have it.

"I—" Roman sighed deeply. "I'm too angry for this right now, but I'll consider it and… and what you've done later when I've calmed down."

"...Yes, sire."

Roman briefly considered putting Janus in jail, but that'd cause a scene and he really didn't want this to get out unless Roman chose to tell people.

Besides, Janus was such a skilled magician and had been the one to fortify it so there'd really be no point anyway. If he wanted to escape, Roman had no doubt that he could. He just hoped that he'd cooperate.

"I will escort you to your room where there will be a constant guard outside your door, and I'll be very pissed if you leave."

"I wouldn't," Janus said softly, and Roman almost believed him, until he remembered that he'd been lying to Roman since they'd first met years and years ago.

"I should hope you'd know well enough to stay, yes."

Roman opened the door to Janus' study without another word and led Janus through the halls they were both homely familiar with, closely keeping track of him, lest he disappear.

Maybe he shouldn't have put the figurative backstabber in a position where he could be a literal backstabber, but Roman had thought it'd be awkward if he was hearding Janus along from behind, but now he wasn't sure. It was kind of too late anyway, it'd just seem like he had no idea what he was doing if he changed their positions now… although he really didn't know what he was doing, and Janus knew him so well that he no doubt knew that as well.

Roman had thought that he'd known Janus as well… but clearly not.

"...Where are we going?" Janus asked quietly like he knew how volatile Roman was because of course he did.

It was rather disturbing how well Janus knew him, and even more so that Roman had no idea what he knew about Janus. What had been truth and what had just been a fabrication?

"I thought I told you earlier," Roman almost winced at his snappish tone. "You're bound to your quarters."

"That's what I thought. Unless you moved them, my quarters are nowhere near here." Janus was still talking in that annoyingly gentle and careful tone. At least if he had been using his manipulating, honey-sweet voice Roman would feel more justified in being a jerk, but no, Janus had to be considerate sounding.

Maybe that was how he was trying to manipulate Roman? He would be more likely to know how to get on Roman's good side after all. Or maybe that's just how he was talking and Roman was putting stuff on him that wasn't there. It was practically impossible to tell and that really bothered Roman.

"Well… that's because we have a stop first." Roman took stock of where they were, trying to think of something. Oh! The guard's house was near here. Perfect. "I've got to get Virgil or Remy to guard your room."

"Mm, I see. Quick thinking."

Roman almost snapped at him, but he couldn't even tell if Janus was being sarcastic or not so he let it go.

The garrison was reasonably full for the time of early evening when Roman and Janus arrived; the change of the guard was fairly soon after all.

"Oh, hey, how can I help you gents?" Remy said after he took a big sip of his coffee.

"I need to talk to you and Virgil… in your office."

Remy's expression turned serious. "Of course. Cap Virgil's not here right now, he went to go check on the wallies —you know how they think they can get away with more just because they're all the way out on the castle wall—, but I can get someone to go get him if you want."

Roman resisted the urge to sigh. "...No, that's alright. I'll tell you and we can leave a note for when he returns. I just need one of you right now anyway."

They went into the office that Virgil and Remy shared and Remy shut the door behind them.

"Okay, so what's up? Something of national security I presume?"

"Yes, I— I'm not exactly sure how to say this but… Janus has been compromised and will need to subtly be confined to quarters."

Remy's eyebrows raised above his sunglasses. "Janus?"

"Yes."

"Okay, but… Janus? The Janus that's been here longer than I have? The Janus that's been here longer than even Cap Virgil? Your adviser Janus Hierophant? That Janus?"

"Yes," Roman said tightly. "That Janus."

"Unfortunately," Janus muttered and Roman wasn't sure if he was supposed to hear that so he ignored it.

Besides, it was just easier to ignore Janus, lest Roman actually lose his temper and say something he shouldn't.

"...Right, okay." Remy pushed his glasses up his nose and seemed to gather himself. "So, what's the plan exactly?"

"I want either you or Virgil right outside his door at all times. You can split up the time however you'd like, but you two are the only guards I trust for this. No one else is to know about this and if they ask it's for Janus' safety."

Remy scoffed quietly. "Janus is the most powerful sorcerer I know so I don't know how believable that is, but will do."

"Well, just…" Roman sighed. "I don't know. It's just an 'extra level of security' or something. Talk to Virgil about it when he relieves you or at least comes to talk to you later. I'm… I know I'm not the most prepared for this, and I know it shows, but just…"

"Yeah, I get it, your majesty."

"I just never thought—" Roman cut himself off as he realised that Janus was still in the same room. He was good at fading into the background when he wanted to or even on accident when he was quiet. Virgil also had the same… problem? Skill, perhaps? Roman supposed it just depended on what they were using it for.

"Well, if there's nothing else, I've got it from here. I'll leave a note for Cap Virgil then take Janus to his room. Besides, if you don't mind me saying, you look like you could use some rest or at least some time to yourself."

"I— yes. And… thank you."

"Of course, have a good evening, your majesty."

"I really am sorry," Janus murmured as Roman passed by, some emotion in his voice that Roman just couldn't quite get a grasp on.

Roman left with only one glance back, something indescribable in Janus' eyes that made Roman's heart drop and stomach twist at the same time. It was almost soft and quite a bit of hurt, but that didn't quite seem right. Maybe it was best to just leave it at indescribable.

He just… felt so betrayed. He'd really thought that he knew Janus, but now…

But now it was painfully clear that he didn't.

Roman sniffed softly as he walked down the empty halls, trying to focus on the tapestry along the walls instead of the urge to cry that was quickly welling up inside of him.

It was just a lot and… it was certainly something to sleep on.

Despite thinking that he'd sleep on it, he didn't get much sleep.

There had been —and really still was— just so much to think about that it'd been difficult to quiet down his thoughts enough to fall asleep for several hours, and on top of all that he'd woken up early and absolutely exhausted.

Roman allowed himself to lay in bed for longer than he usually did, but eventually, the thoughts in his head were too much, so he got up, got dressed, and went to the throne room.

Virgil was there, frowning at something on a piece of paper before he looked up. "Oh, hey, Roman." He paused for a second, probably considering how he wanted to word his next words. "...Are you wanting a status report?"

"I… sure, yeah. Yes, thank you." Roman sat on the ornate red and gold throne as Virgil approached, stepping up the few steps to the small stage-like platform that the throne was on.

Virgil adjusted his armour before speaking, "Okay, I saw Remy's note and he'd marked the switch-off times so I kept watch from ten to three in the morning. Then Remy took over again and I'll go relieve him at eight. The night was quiet enough, but that's just because Janus chose to stay. To be honest, I highly doubt that we could've stopped him if he'd actually wanted to escape."

"Yeah, I… I kind of knew that. Just felt better with someone I could trust watching him."

"...May I ask what happened?"

"He— he's a traitor to the kingdom. An old servant of Janus' late father came forward with the information just yesterday. I… I'm not really sure what to do," Roman quietly admitted.

"He's not—" Virgil cut himself off with a sigh. "What'd Janus say?"

"Oh, well… I may have been too angry and told him to shut up… yeah. But I'm planning on talking to him tod—"

"I don't think he's guilty!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well… I mean, I don't think he's guilty… at least anymore."

"Okay, now I'm even more confused."

"Janus and I knew each other before… before you knew and recruited us."

Roman raised his eyebrows. "What?"

"...Yeah."

"Since when?!"

"Since always? What do you mean 'since when'?"

"I— okay, point taken. But, why didn't either of you tell me?"

"Well… not only was it not relevant, but Janus wanted to keep his background clear, and being a teenager who was put over child soldiers isn't exactly the best job reference when trying to get close to a crowned prince, ya know?"

"Oh, so he… he really was planning this from the beginning."

"Well, no. He didn't. His father on the other hand… okay, listen, Janus' father was a very… let's say controlling man, and if he wanted something to get done, then it would happen, one way or another. So, while that was what Janus had been there to do, and planned on doing for a while, it's not a reflection of who he is today. He doesn't want any harm to come to you, Roman, and has actually prevented you from getting hurt many different times.

"Multiple times now, he's come with me with some threat or plot against you that someone was trying to carry out and we stopped it without you ever knowing.

"Sure, he's cunning and certainly the type who could play out the long game, but not with you. Not anymore. I've known him since we were kids and…

"Anyway, you didn't see him when he decided that he didn't want to try and corrupt or overthrow you anymore. I've never seen him so distraught before. Just— just the amount of remorse… he swore himself to you that day and I was his witness. He cares about you and… and I probably shouldn't tell you this but I'm pretty sure I heard him crying last night."

"...Crying?"

"Yeah, and you know how frequently he does that."

"I've… I've, uh, never seen him cry before."

"Exactly. He just doesn't! But this, possibly losing you, that's striking him to his core." Virgil paused, but as Roman didn't say anything, he continued, "Look, I'm not saying all is forgiven or that this solves everything, but just… talk to him, let him talk, and hear him out. Maybe he's changed, okay? Just don't lose him because of your pride."

Roman nodded, something heavy in his stomach. "Alright. I… I'll talk to him."

"That's all I ask. Just let him explain."

"Right. My anger has settled considerably since yesterday and with everything you've said… well, there's a lot to consider."

…

Roman was walking through the castle halls aimlessly, considering Virgil's words when Patton and Logan approached him.

Logan's brow was furrowed as he said, "Apologies for bothering you, sire, but Janus wasn't at breakfast and when we went to go see him," Logan looked around to check that no one was there, "Sir Remy said he couldn't let us in as Janus needed extra security. Is there a threat? And is there anything we can do to assist you?"

"Oh, that. Um…"

"I don't want him to get hurt like I did," Patton said softly. "So if there's something we can do to help…"

"That's really sweet of you both, but I can't really think of an— oh, well…" Roman glanced around before continuing, "There is one thing. Has either of you seen anything suspicious? Or like, has anyone made you uncomfortable?"

"Nope." Patton shook his head for emphasis.

"What kind of suspicious?" Logan asked, instantly attentive.

"Oh, just like, I don't know, someone lurking around, or looking like they're not supposed to be there." Those wouldn't apply to Janus but Roman was pretending that it wasn't him. Plus, it's not like it was bad things to ask about in general. He had full confidence in Virgil's security, but it didn't hurt to check. "Or maybe someone telling you not to tell anyone about something they did or said. Just, that type of thing."

"Hmm, I haven't seen anyone who fits that description, but I'll keep an eye out."

"Right, well, I just wanted to check, but…" Roman made a split-second decision. "We believe the danger's actually over now, so I just wanted to make sure that no one had said or done anything like that, or maybe even bribed you. Just stuff like that."

"Ah, well, no one's bribed me—"

"Same," Patton interjected.

"But even if they did I would've let you or Janus kn… oh."

Roman winced as the revelation dawned on Logan's face. Logan was very smart and had clearly put two and two together. Roman just hoped that he would be sensible enough not to discuss it in front of Patton.

"I see, well… have a good visit with Janus, and I'm glad the danger passed."

It was rather amazing that he even had deduced that in the first place. Janus was definitely the person that Logan trusted the most, so to even think that he had been the danger…

"Yes, I am as well. Virgil was a big help to the investigation."

"Ah, sir Virgil is quite good at his job."

"Yeah, he's super cool!" Patton agreed.

"Well, I will let you go let Janus know that the danger has passed. Patton and I might go read some then. He's been learning at a good rate."

"Yeah! Yesterday I recognized the word strawberry!"

"Oh, well, good job, Patton! And thank you, Logan, for helping Janus teach him to read."

"Of course. Have a good rest of your morning."

"You two as well."

"Bye!" Patton waved as they left and Roman waved in return.

…

"Good morning, Remy," Roman greeted as he stopped outside Janus' door.

"Good morning. How's… it going?"

"Good, really good actually. The danger's passed."

Roman could see it in Remy's eyes and his shoulders as his relief washed over him. "Oh, good. I'm glad. I presume I can…" Remy pointed with his thumb down the hallway.

"Oh, yes. Yeah, have a good day, Remy, and thank you for keeping an eye on things."

"Of course! Have a good one."

After Remy left, Roman took a deep breath and opened Janus' door.

Janus set his book down and quickly stood, but didn't say anything.

Roman shut the door behind himself and walked into the room, still allowing Janus space though.

"So…" Roman started, but faded out as he wasn't sure where to go from there.

"So?" Janus asked, worry evident in his tone.

"So, I'm not so mad and am ready to talk. Virgil filled me in on some stuff, but I'd still like to hear some of it from you."

"Alright. What do you want to know?"

"Well…" Questions swirled in Roman's head, so he decided to start on an easier one. "How did you meet Virgil?"

"Virgil was a child soldier and I was over his unit, but before that, I was in the nanny ward taking care of children not even half my age. I've known Virgil since he was little. Literally."

"Oh… um, what was your relationship with your father?"

Janus' expression went sour. "That scumbag? I tried to do everything he wanted, including… trying to get close to you to kill, overthrow, or manipulate you, but I realised… I didn't have to do that anymore. There were other people out there who cared about people. Up until then, Virgil was the only person who wasn't an utter dick. But you showed me that people can be good. However, I couldn't quite find it in me to defy my father, so I didn't— couldn't do anything while he was alive.

"Fortunately, he'd had a lot of enemies and was assassinated soon enough. So after he died and I was free, I asked for time to better myself before becoming your advisor, and I did, by dismantling the child army and finding either their families if they were forcibly taken, or good orphanages if their parents had given them up for misbehaving or a price."

"Wait, that was you! You did that?"

A bit of the tension fell from Janus' shoulders. "Yes, but I didn't want the publicity, and especially not on the traumatised kids, so I kept it to myself. I think Virgil suspects though."

So far, Janus' story matched up with Virgil's in all the important ways… but he had to be sure that Janus had changed.

"Are you a danger to me, the kingdom, or the kids?"

"Well, of course I'd say I'm not, but since you're not sure you can trust me, that doesn't do much good, so… I'm afraid only you can answer that question."

Damn, Janus was —as usual— right.

Roman stepped closer and stared into Janus' eyes, one light brown and one dark brown eye staring back. "I'd like to hear your answer anyway. Are you a danger?"

"No." There was fear hidden in some deep part of Janus' eyes, but Roman could tell that it wasn't a fear of being caught for lying, it was a fear of loss, of losing Logan and Patton, of losing Roman.

"Okay."

A bit of hope flittered in. "Okay?"

"Okay," Roman confirmed. "I believe you. It may take a bit to be able to fully trust you again, but… I believe you."

Janus let out a shaky breath, relief and disbelief evident as he all but collapsed into his singular armchair by the fireplace. "I understand it'll take time, but I thank you for the opportunity to prove myself to you again."

"And I'm… glad you want to. I'd… I'd be lost without you, Janus."

"I'd be lost without you as well, my king," Janus softly admitted.

Roman smiled to himself, full of pride, as he looked out the carriage window and recalled the events that'd taken place that day.

Logan and Patton had started a program together to help kids in situations like the ones they'd come from. It'd been in place for a month now —and about as much time since Roman had started trusting Janus again—, and once a week they would go to check on the progress in person.

Everything was going well in the program and Roman couldn't be prouder of Logan and Patton for their work in it. He'd seen how much work and effort they'd put into it, even if he'd only just seen the work they did from the castle.

This was Roman's first time going with them as he was usually too busy when they went to check on everything and help with things in person. Instead, Janus would take them, but this week, Roman had a lighter load and worked a bit harder yesterday to have the entire day free.

There was one week where Remus had taken them when Janus had too many meetings and not enough time, but that had gone about as well as Roman would've expected, especially as Remus didn't have Virgil with him and hadn't told Roman that he was taking them beforehand. Roman was ninety-five percent sure that Remus taught them several different ways to commit arson that day.

"King Roman?"

Roman blinked out of his thoughts and looked over. "Yes, Logan?"

"We're here."

Roman glanced out of the window before smiling. "Ah, so we are!"

They could've made the trip back to the castle that day, but they'd spent all day working and were already tired enough as it was, so Janus suggested that they stop at the inn in town for the evening.

Janus and Logan went inside to check in while Roman and Patton grabbed their bags. Roman hadn't exactly expected not to get home that day, but he was always prepared and had a few changes of clothes for everyone.

"Wait, did you hear that?"

Roman paused. "...No?"

"Hmm." Patton put his bag back and took off to the alleyway next to The Crumbling Knight Inn.

"Pat— and he's gone." Roman sighed and hastily copied Patton.

Patton was sitting rather far into the alley and was looking intently at some sort of animal across the alley from him.

"Oh, you found a dog," Roman murmured as he quietly walked back and peered around the alley corner.

The muddy dog carefully crept towards Patton and sniffed his outstretched hand before allowing him to pet her.

"Aww, aren't you sweet!" Patton cooed as he glanced at Roman with fleeting, pleading eyes.

…Roman guessed they may very well have a dog soon.

Roman stepped around the corner and the dog eyed him suspiciously.

"She said she has no family. Can we keep her?"

"...The dog said that?"

"Well, not exactly 'said'… but I know what she means."

"I— alright, if you'll help take care of her, then sure. You absolutely may."

"Oh, I will! I'll take very good care of her!"

"Then we should give her some water and a snack and start a bath, then we can give her some more food if the other stays down."

"...She says she doesn't like baths, but she hates being covered in dried mud more, so she'll allow it this one time. Also, I think the promise of food helped."

"Well, then we only need to convince Janus and bribe the innkeeper."

…

As it turned out, the innkeeper needed more convincing than Janus, but after the extra money was laid down and Patton gave puppy dog eyes and even promised to clean up after the dog, she agreed.

All four of them sat at one of the tables in the inn's dining room, and the dog sat next to Patton —albeit on the floor, much to Patton's disappointment—.

"I'm very glad your program is going well, Logan and Patton," Roman said after they'd eaten most of their food.

"Thank you. I was quite pleased with the progress as well."

"Yeah!" Patton exclaimed as he took the last biscuit from the now empty basket. "It's already helped quite a few kids." He took a big bite and rested his hand against his thigh before gasping. "Hey! That was my biscuit!"

The dog didn't pay Patton any mind though as she wolfed it down.

Janus pursed his lips ever so slightly and Roman instantly recognised that he was trying not to laugh. He seemed to recover quickly though and kindly said, "Here, Patton. I didn't end up eating my biscuit so you may have it."

"Oh, thanks! I'll be sure to hold it over my plate this time."

"Probably wise."

"...Oh hey! I know what we should name her now."

Roman raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"

"Biscuit!"

"That does seem like a logical enough name for a dog," Logan agreed.

"...She says that's a good name, especially if she gets more biscuits sometime."

Roman laughed. "Well, we'll have to see about that."

Roman never would've been able to imagine that it was possible to care for so many people this much. His brother, Remus; Captain of the guard, Virgil; Logan Hierophant; Roman's ward, Patton; and Roman's adviser, Janus.

His care for them seemed to only be multiplying every day, and Roman was quite content to let it.

But lately his care for Janus was almost… changing? Not diminishing in any way, just… it was a bit different now.

Roman got up from the desk in his room and began pacing.

He wanted to be more physical with Janus for one thing, and while he liked some physical affection in general, this still felt different. He wanted to be near Janus more than he'd ever thought about. There was just something in Roman that pulled him to Janus.

He wanted to hold Janus' hand, to hug him, and to… wake up next to each other?

He… he wanted to run his fingers through Janus' long, beautiful hair, to brush and braid his golden hair. Wanted to cup his cheek and lean in and—

Kiss Janus??

Oh.

Oh, wow. How had Roman not seen that before, hadn't seen that coming?

Roman sat down on his bed, legs feeling almost shaky under him as he laid back.

But now that he thought about it… it almost made sense.

Sure, one could think that one's friends were pretty, and one could want to be physically affectionate with them, but there was some feeling in Roman's gut that told him that this was different, something that told him that it wasn't strictly platonic.

…Now what?

Roman sat up.

Did he want to tell Janus? Or maybe wait?

He wasn't sure what he'd be waiting on but he also didn't want to just rush into anything. How was he supposed to know what to do? He'd never been… been in love before.

Roman almost rolled his eyes at how obvious it was. Who did he know that would have some experience with romance? Remus and Virgil, of course. They were married after all.

Roman found Remus and Virgil quick enough, both relaxing in their shared quarters as they cuddled on one of their couches.

"Hey, Ro-bro! Wanna come on in and tell us what's on your mind?"

Roman shut the door behind himself. "That obvious, huh?"

Remus rolled chaos' eyes. "Of course. There's clearly something on your mind, so what has your brain going in circles?"

"Yeah, we're here to listen and help if we can," Virgil agreed.

"Well…" Roman sat down on the couch opposite Remus and Virgil. "I realised that I may… like Janus romantically?"

Remus snorted loudly as Virgil pursed his lips, probably to not do what Remus did.

"Did you only just learn that?" Remus asked, voice full of amusement.

Roman huffed. "Yes. Was it that obvious?"

"Oh, definitely. I thought you were just taking your sweet time asking him, but you didn't… man, talk about King Oblivious."

Roman huffed, pretending to be offended. "Wow, if I'd known that I'd just get insulted for my trouble—"

Virgil laughed. "No, we'll— well, I'll help at least. No guarantee for Remus though."

"Hey! I can be helpful too!"

"Sure."

"I— okay fair." Remus looked back at Roman. "So, what's the problem exactly?"

"Well, I think I'd like to tell him, but like…"

"You don't wanna fuck it up?"

"I wouldn't put it quite like that, but yes. I just— I really care about him and in one way it wasn't really all that long ago that I thought I might… might lose him. I just don't want to worry about possibly losing him again."

"I really don't think you'll lose him," Virgil said. "I…" They hesitated. "Even if he didn't like you back, he's not one for abandoning his friends."

Roman sighed. "Yeah, you're right. I'm just… nervous I guess."

Remus seemed to be taking this more seriously now. "Yeah, that's understandable. I was super nervous about asking Virgil, and waited so long that he ended up asking me." Remus laughed. "And he was probably more nervous than I was!"

"Oh, definitely. I was so anxious that I almost threw up."

…

After a bit more assurance from Virgil and some —light-hearted— badgering from Remus, Roman decided that he'd tell Janus soon, but especially as he'd only discovered his romantic feelings that day, he would give it some thought as to how he would ask Janus out.

Maybe he could do a big gesture first? Like a picnic perhaps? No, it was winter and far too cold.

Should Roman just tell him? There wasn't much romance in that though… but maybe he was just overcomplicating things?

Roman's nerves had only doubled and he was still no closer to figuring out how to ask Janus out.

Roman sighed as he wandered through the hallways, lost in thought.

What if he got so worked up that he got too nervous to ask Janus at all? Maybe… maybe he should just ask now before his brain blew it out of proportion.

Before Roman quite realised what he was doing, he was walking towards Janus' room.

Roman took a deep breath and knocked on the door before he could chicken out.

"Come in," Janus called.

Roman opened the door and shut it behind himself. "Hello, Janus."

"Hello, Roman." Janus smiled before putting a bookmark in the book he'd been reading and setting it on the small side table next to the armchair. The fire crackled merrily in the hearth. Janus gestured Roman over. "I won't bite," He teased.

Roman huffed. "I know that."

"Then why do you look so nervous?" Janus raised an eyebrow.

Roman stopped by Janus' chair and almost wished that he'd thought to wear his regal attire or at the very least his crown. He really needed the confidence.

"Just… am?" Roman tried.

"Right," Janus said sarcastically, clearly not believing him. He seemed to realise how put upon Roman felt though as he suggested, "Why don't you sit down?"

"But there's not— oh!" Roman did his best not to squeak as a warm arm wrapped around his waist and pulled him down into Janus' lap.

"There, now you're closer to the fire. You're cold, you need to keep warm."

"I—" Roman was quite sure his cheeks were flushing. "Right, um. Yeah."

Fortunately, the chair was large enough for both of them, Roman sitting sideways in between Janus' legs with the backs of his knees on the armrest, feet dangling over the side. Janus' arm was still around Roman's waist, fingers splayed over his stomach.

Roman wasn't really sure where to put his arm that was closer to Janus, and since it was a bit too late to put it in between himself and Janus as Janus had already pulled them pretty close together, Roman decided to put his arm around Janus' shoulders.

Janus laid his hand that was not wrapped around Roman on Roman's knee. "So, how'd you sleep last night?"

"Uh, pretty good. What about you?"

"...I should've expected you to ask me back."

Roman laughed. "I mean, that's kind of how small talk works usually."

"Hah, fair enough." Janus stared at the fire and Roman finally saw that it wasn't just shadow from the flame under Janus' eyes making him look tired. His shoulders were a bit heavy looking as well.

"So, how'd you really sleep?" Roman finally asked.

"Well, not very well. I don't know why. It's not like there was really anything to affect or disturb my sleep like that… anyway, I'll just try to get better rest tonight."

"Well, why don't you just take a nap?"

"Hmm, I might. I usually struggle with falling asleep in the middle of the day when… anyway."

"When what?"

Janus sighed. "When I'm alone. I used to have people near when I was in charge of… the nanny ward and then later with the… well, not really soldiers, but the point is I never slept alone growing up. It doesn't really matter though, I'll just wait until—"

"I'll sleep with you!"

Janus coughed. "What?"

Roman felt his face warm as he shifted awkwardly, but that just made it worse as it just reminded Roman just how much they were touching. "Okay, that sounded… but what I meant was we could… take a nap together?" Oh, dramdach, that didn't sound much better.

"I— yes. That… yes."

Roman didn't think he'd ever seen Janus so not put together. Maybe his sleep problem had been going on for longer than he'd said.

Roman didn't have any more time to ponder such things, however, as Janus moved his hand from on top of his knees to under, and his other hand to support the rest of Roman as he stood and carried Roman over to Janus' bed.

Janus set the still stunned Roman down. "Well?"

"Uh, well what?" Since when was Janus so strong??

Janus huffed in amusement. "Are you going to scoot over so I can get in as well?"

"Huh, oh! Oh, yeah." Roman moved over as Janus slid in next to him and pulled the blankets over them.

"Here, you can scoot a bit closer. It's pretty chilly today and the bed's rather cold."

Despite the warmth in Roman's face, the bed was indeed cold.

"Okay," Roman murmured as he shuffled closer, choosing to sleep on his side.

Janus was behind Roman as he'd hoped that he'd be less awkward, but Janus must've also been on his side as threw an arm over Roman's waist and buried his nose in Roman's shoulder.

Well, this was certainly different than what Roman had expected when he'd gone to Janus to tell him that he loved Janus. He hadn't even gotten that far before Janus was sharing a bed with him.

Life was weird sometimes.

…

Roman woke up warm so he hummed and snugged even closer to the warmth before frowning. Wait, what was warm?

Roman's eyes flew open and he realised that he was sleeping on… on Janus' chest! He scrambled back and tried to sit up.

"Well, good evening. Where are you going in such a hurry?" Janus asked, lazily watching him from where he was half sitting up against the headboard.

"Oh, I— I was— just… surprised, that's all."

"Fair enough. I'm sure it'd be a bit surprising to wake up next to —or rather on, in this case— someone when you're not used to it."

"But you are? Even now, and even with me?"

Janus considered him for a moment. "Yes."

Roman looked away, not even quite sure why. "Oh."

Janus started at Roman for a moment longer before he broke whatever that was and said, "So, it's about suppertime. How about we go find the whole crew and eat together."

"Yeah, absolutely. That sounds great."

They got out of bed and fixed their bedheads and slightly skewed clothes.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Janus said as he put his hat back on. Roman hadn't even noticed that he'd taken it off. "I had something I wanted to talk to you about earlier."

"Oh?"

Janus' eyes ran over Roman before he looked away. "I— nevermind."

"...Are you sure?"

"Yes. Let's go eat."

…

They all gathered for supper and ate amid chatter and teasing.

"So," Logan began seriously as he set down his fork. "I read about something in the library today and I was wondering if everyone has birthdays or just a select few."

"Oh, everyone does," Janus said. "Some people may choose not to celebrate or may not know what day exactly they were born on —I presume you don't—, but most people celebrate their birthday, or at least know when it is."

A bit of sadness crossed Logan's face. "Ah, I see."

"We could choose a day to be your birthday though," Roman suggested.

"Really? We can do that?"

"Absolutely! We can pick a date and then throw a little party that day to celebrate you."

"What about tomorrow?" Logan asked.

"Well, let's have enough time to at least plan it."

"How about this Saturday?" Janus offered.

Logan considered it for a moment. "...That would be acceptable."

"Good," Janus said before turning to Patton. "And you will, of course, get one as well."

Patton almost dropped his fork in surprise, eyes widening. "What? Really? I get a birthday too?"

"Of course, Patton," Roman assured. "You're no less a part of this family than anyone else."

"Oh."

Roman decided not to dwell on that too much right now. He did, however, make a mental note to himself to be sure that Patton always knew that he was part of the family. "Do you know when your birthday is?"

"...No."

"Well, that's just fine. We can pick a date for or with you sometime after Logan's birthday party, okay?"

"Okay!"

Janus asked Logan, "Would you like to help plan the party, like perhaps after supper, or would you rather it be a surprise and we plan it for you?"

"I'd like to be involved with the planning, please. I'm not very fond of surprises."

"That's understandable," Remus said around a mouth full of food. "One time I tried to throw a surprise party and Roman screamed!"

"In my defense, you jumped out of nowhere with what looked like a mound of some weird red stuff! It looked bloody!"

"Okay, listen, it's not my fault I don't know how to bake!"

Today definitely hadn't gone how Roman had expected but, all in all, it was —albeit weird— still a good day.

Today was Logan's new birthday and as excited as Logan seemed to be, he also was at least that much nervous, stressing over every little detail and clearly tense and on edge.

"No, a bit lower… now to the left… not that left, go to the right a bit. That's too high, can you—"

"Logan, I don't think we'll get this exactly right at this rate," Janus said a bit exasperatedly.

"...Oh, right. Apologies, right there is adequate… well, maybe just a bit to the—"

"Logan!"

"Oh, right, right."

"Why don't you use magic to get it just right?" Patton asked.

"... Because we didn't think of that," Janus admitted.

"That's a really good idea," Roman praised.

Janus let go of his side of the banner and it stayed in place with a bit of gold glittering around it; a sign of his magic. He gestured for Roman to do the same thing and he did, his side also staying with the same golden glitter.

They both climbed down their respective ladders, and Janus made rulers out of his magic on each of the four sides of the banner to get it perfectly centered. Finally it was secured, and Janus went back to blowing up balloons with his magic, some dark blue sparkly confetti in each one.

"I've got the cake!" Virgil exclaimed as he entered the event hall.

"And I've got the ice cream! …Mostly because Virgil doesn't trust me with the cake."

"I saw the flips you were doing with the ice cream bucket!" Virgil and Remus set their loads down on the table.

"Well, obviously I wouldn't've done that with the cake!"

"Well, it's hard to know with you.“

Remus huffed as chaos made a cold bubble around the ice cream so it wouldn't melt, but conceited, "...Okay, that's fair."

Roman walked over to Logan. "Hey, you seem a bit stressed. I know that this is a lot, but it doesn't have to be perfect, okay? We want you to have fun, not be stressed out of your mind."

"Ah, yes. You're right, of course. I just… want this to go well. I'm afraid I've rather so-called 'built' it up in my mind to be this big important thing, so I'm worried about it not going perfectly."

"Oh, I know what you mean. I've definitely done that before. Trying to get every little detail perfect, even when I wasn't sure what getting it perfect would look like. It's called 'perfectionism'."

"Oh, there's a name for that? I didn't realise it was such a common thing."

"Yes, but there's ways to help with it, like letting yourself know that it's okay to make mistakes, or that it doesn't have to be absolutely perfect. It's not going to be perfect but that's okay! I know letting it go is easier said than done, but just know that I'm here for you, Logan."

"Thanks, I appreciate it. I just… I suppose I just want to be good enough. I've been given such a wonderful opportunity here and I don't want anyone to think that I'm squandering it." Logan dropped his voice, "I just don't want you to regret letting Janus take me in."

"Oh, Logan, I don't regret Janus taking you in at all! Short of some very, very bad stuff, I'd never regret that. I'm so glad you're here, and I want you to be here, okay?"

Logan nodded as he seemed to be fighting back tears. "Okay. Thank you."

"Of course. Anytime."

Roman patted Logan's shoulder and they shared a small smile.

…

After Logan was able to relax, things went smoother and Roman was quite sure that he was enjoying everything.

Remus was standing next to Virgil, each had an arm wrapped around the other's waist, and Remus was using his free hand to make a ball of magic that Logan, Patton, and Biscuit were running around, chasing. Occasionally, something would happen —like almost running into each other, or the bundle of magic would jump just out of reach— and Logan and Patton would laugh, Biscuit barking with them.

Roman stood off to the side with Janus, who was watching everyone's antics in amusement.

Roman wasn't sure if it was just his imagination, but ever since he'd realised that he liked Janus romantically, there kept being… little things. Roman wasn't even sure what to call them.

While they hadn't shared a bed again after the nap they'd shared, they still were in close proximity more often than ever. Janus would put an arm around Roman's shoulders as he showed Roman something out of his book, or would press their knees together under the dinner table. Just little things like that, things that Roman still couldn't quite get his head around.

Was it just his feelings for Janus misinterpreting things? Or… well, he didn't even dare to hope.

Janus also seemed to be spending more time with Roman, even if he said something about it being a coincidence that they were in the same room. Roman… wasn't sure if he believed Janus.

Despite all that, Roman couldn't help but worry that he'd missed his chance. Sure, he probably hadn't, but his worry didn't seem to care about that.

What if he never told Janus? He knew he'd regret it if he never told him though, he just hoped that if… —when?— he told Janus, that he wouldn't come to regret that too.

He still felt no closer to knowing how or when to tell Janus, but he supposed that he probably wasn't in that much of a rush. The only people Janus talked to outside of their little family, were all in a professional setting, so Roman doubted that Janus would just suddenly have a partner… hopefully he wouldn't anyway.

Remus yanked the ball higher and Patton jumped, trying to catch it, but it bounced off of the tips of his fingers, and he laughed merrily as he slowly drifted down, having used a slow-fall spell that Janus had taught him recently.

Roman heard a gentle laugh from beside him, so he looked over at Janus, whose smile was softer now, sunlight hitting his face just right, and hair sparkling golden in the light.

And before Roman realised, "You're the most beautiful person I've ever had the honour of meeting," Tumbled out of his mouth.

Janus broke his vision away and looked at Roman in shock. "Wh— what?"

Oops. Well, it was out there now. "Oh, well… I wasn't planning on saying this right now, but I really have been meaning to tell you so… I like you."

"...Like romantically?"

"Yes, like… like romantically."

Janus smirked before he stated matter-a-factly,

"About time."

"What?"

"I've been flirting with you for a while now! I was starting to wonder if you'd ever like me back."

"Wait, really?"

Janus nodded. "You're an idiot."

Roman laughed abruptly. "Wow, thanks."

"But you're a very lovable idiot."

"Oh, thanks." Roman's face warmed a bit as Janus stepped a bit closer.

Janus gazed into Roman's eyes and he gazed back, the striking contrast of Janus' eyes all but mesmerising. He cupped Janus' face in his hands, running a thumb across his soft cheek before running his other thumb over Janus' scarred cheek, gently tracing a few of the raised lines.

"You're beautiful," Roman said, voice full of wonder.

"I— you're not so bad yourself."

Roman took a little step forward. "Why, thank you." He let his right hand fall a bit until it rested on Janus' shoulder, and Janus reached up with his left hand to grasp at Roman's sleeve. "I really like you," Roman murmured.

"I really like you as well," Janus said back, voice just as soft.

"So, wh—"

"Hey, Roman!" Patton exclaimed before he stopped next to them.

Roman pulled back from Janus to see a sheepish Patton.

"Oops, sorry. Didn't quite figure out what my intuition was telling me in time."

Roman laughed. "It's alright, what's up?"

Patton held up a light blue balloon that had been folded and twisted into the shape of a dog. "Uncle Remus is making balloon animals!"

"Uncle?"

"Oh, um, well, he and uncle Virgil said it was okay… but I can—"

"No, that's perfectly fine. I was just surprised, that's all."

Patton paused, no doubt seeing if Roman would suddenly change his mind and get mad, but, of course, Roman didn't. "...Okay."

Janus seemed to notice the need for a subject change as he asked, "Do you think he could make me something?"

"Hmm, I think a honey badger would be too complicated, but I bet he could make you a snake!"

"Sounds perfect."

Patton ran off to no doubt ask Remus about the snake.

Janus shook his head fondly. "I'll never understand how children can have so much energy."

"Right! They're so small and yet they just zoom around."

Janus paused before looking back at Roman. "Well, we should probably go see what everyone wants to do next."

"Yeah, that sounds good… can I hold your hand?" Roman blurted out, startling a laugh out of Janus.

"Yes." Janus held his hand out and Roman took it.

Roman wasn't quite sure what this meant for them yet, but it seemed like it would only be for the better.

As they all sang 'happy birthday' to Logan around his birthday cake, Roman couldn't help but wonder at how he'd gotten such an amazing family.

And he couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with them.

~The End~

No reposting, likes are nice, and reblogs are very much appreciated! | Taglist (ask to be added or removed): @someoneiwasnt

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wish-i-wasnt-a-coward · 3 years ago

Text

Hate and Honesty

a/n: well hello, be ya didn’t expect to see me!!! I’m on vacation rn and I had time to write on the plane. Sooo here it is, I’m trying to work around the new apple update (that’s why tags will now have ‘’ around them) but I think I’ll be ok. wishing all who celebrate a happy cristmas and those who don’t a happy December. Also i combined two requests from @rad-victoriam and @dragonindigo245. Thank you both so much for the requests!!!!!!!!!!! Hope you enjoy.

Pairings: Roceit!

Warnings: ‘transphobia’, ‘homophobia’, sodomy mention, arrest mention, self doubt, coming out, misgendering (before coming out), angst with a happy ending, unsupportive parents, and stupid dumb people.

word count: 1,477

————————————

Ruth considered herself very lucky to have Janus.

He was the definition of a gentleman and the two got along splendidly. Ruth had been tremendously worried about when she first received news of the engagement., but it had worked out quite well.

On the second day of their engagement, he had revealed that he was capable of loving both men and women.

And that, should Ruth take issue with that, he would do his best to keep her at an arm’s length. Ruth had thanked him for his honesty and come to respect him for his strength.

Her respect for him only made Ruth’s dilemma harder to handle.

But she was fine, this was fine. Candlelight reflected all too brightly in Ruth’s eyes, her dress was itchy and tight, breathing was difficult.

She was about to alert her husband to her distress when she was interrupted by a light gasp.

“Mrs. Kingsley?” Ruth fought the shudder that built up in her chest. She turned slowly, pleading that it wasn’t who she thought it was. But there stood Mrs. Clemintine Oakly.

Janus shifted slightly, his eyes glittered angrily at Clementine and he tightened his grip on Ruth’s arm. She appreciated the gesture.

Ruth took a deep breath and armed herself with a fake smile and sunny deposition. “Ohhh, Mrs. Oakley! It’s been so long. I had begun to think we had driven you away after the, er- our last dinner”

Her eyes flicked towards Janus who was suppressing a laugh. The last time Clemintine had been at their home she had insulted Ruth and Janus had, quite literally, driven her out. But Mrs. Oakley just smiled.

“Nonsense, nothing could keep me away from such a cute couple. Your mother has been asking after you” Ruth fought down another shudder, “Have you heard from your brother? Last I heard he was still galavanting across the states!” she laughed shrilly.

Janus inhaled sharply but Ruth put her hand on his arm. “You certainly haven’t changed since we saw you last,” Ruth said, still smiling uncomfortably.

Clementine smiled, honey-sweet, “and you are as lovely as ever, how is it being the wife of such an established man! I should hope it’s going well, though I haven’t heard any word of a baby Kingsly on the way.”

Ruth could feel the bile in her throat, “I’ve never been happier, though I can assure you, should we be impoverished and starving I would be just as happy.”

Mrs. Oakley raised her eyebrows, “Mmm, I’m sure you would.” The look Janus sent her was absolutely blistering but she ignored it.

“Well I’m glad for you. It must have been quite difficult for your parents to find a match for someone like yourself”

Janus opened his mouth, no doubt to make a scene but was interrupted. “Thank you Mrs. Oakly. Though I am quite certain your opinion was not asked for nor wanted”

Ruth inhaled deeply, “It was lovely to see you” She said stiffly and left her husband to gape.

—————————————

It was a beautiful clear night. The garden below the balcony glistened in the moonlight and fireflies danced through leaves. The night air was cool and brushed against Ruth’s skin lovingly.

If it was a normal night Janus and she would be home, reading or in the gardens, or talking about something that made Ruth a little tired thinking about it.

She loved her life with him, And she knew that as horrible as Clemintine was, she was right in the sense that not many men would want to marry Ruth.

She had always been an oddity. Never taking interest in much of what her sisters did and instead spent her time with her twin brother.

At the age of 7, she cut off all her hair and at the age of 11 wore pants out of the house a total of 16 times. Ruth had the scars to prove it.

Her parents had hated her.

But not as much as they hated her twin brother.

He had been Ruth’s best friend growing up, her partner in crime, the one person she trusted. But it had been three months since she had heard from him.

It wasn’t Remus’ fault, not at all. It was their parents’ doing.

Remus had been on a trip to a nabjoring kingdom when on the joury back he was arrested for sodomy.

Their parents had been mortified. They bailed Remus out of jail and bribed every member of the jury until he was found not guilty.

They then placed both twins on house arrest and increased the pursuit of a husband for Ruth. That was when Janus had entered their lives.

Her brother had screamed for hours when he found out. He knew he wouldn’t be able to help if she was unsafe or hurt by the marriage.

Their parents didn’t care. She would be bringing the family wealth and redeeming their name after the disaster that was her brother.

The marriage had taken place, Ruth Castello became Ruth Kingsly.

Remus hadn’t been allowed to attend. His outburst had been the last straw, a few weeks after the wedding he was sent off to America. The twin’s contact was reduced to letters.

Without Janus, Ruth would be a miserable shell of a person. But now she has two best friends.

“She shouldn’t be able to talk to you like that” the man in question ranted angrily joining Ruth on the balcony, “Darling it’s not that big a deal,” Ruth said softly.

Janus looked pained, “it hurts you.” Ruth laughed, “Thank you for caring, but worry not! I’ve endured much worse with a smile”

Her husband wordlessly wrapped her in a hug. “Doesn't make it ok” he mumbled, Ruth hugged him back fiercely, “I know dear. Do you want to go home?” Janus nodded “Well let’s go then!”

The carriage ride home was nice, Janus tucked his head against her shoulder and dozed off a little. Giving Ruth time to think.

After her brother’s arrest, she had been doing that a lot. Remus had talked about the people he had met on his trip, those that presented as male and female, or neither.

That was when the first inkling of gender non-conformity had been planted in her mind, or perhaps more accurately, his mind.

He had always felt a little off with the feminization his parents put him through as a kid but had brushed it off as a rebellious spirit or a weird mood.

He knew Janus would be kind, he always was, but heavy anxiety had settled over the entire ordeal.

The carriage pulled to a stop in front of his estate. He didn’t need to fake a smile, the manor was lovely. Absolutely everything he had dreamed of as a kid, with a perfect prince charming to sweep him off his feet.

Janus groggily followed his husband into the drawing-room. Rubbing his eyes, sleepy as the man closed the door behind them.

“Are you ok sweetheart?” Janus asked. “Yes, of course, I just- I need to tell you something” he took a deep breath.

“I don’t want to be your wife anymore”

Janus was fully awake now, his face paled and tears welled in his golden eyes. “Oh.” Janus said quietly, “Ok. what do you need me-”

“Oh god no! I still want to be married to you. I just don’t want to be your wife” he explained frantically.

The pain fell away from Janus’ face, and the joyful realization replaced it, “oh thank god. I- goodness you scared me” Janus’ spouse buried his face in his hands. “I’m sorry- this is going terribly”

“No, it’s not,” Janus reassured, “So you don’t want to be my wife, is spouse ok?”

“Yeah... and husband”

Janus smiled, “what pronouns do you use?”

“He/him”

“Thank you, dear, I’m so very proud of you. Have you thought about a name?”

“Um, I- yeah. Roman. It- well when I was little whenever my brother and I played I would always be prince, or knight, Roman. I figured it’d be fitting��

Roman sniffed and tried to blink away the tears welling in his eyes.

“Thank you for trusting me dearest,” Janus said softly. Roman looked back up at him, tears rolling down his face. “You still love me?” he asked almost in a whisper.

“Of course, a billion times over” Janus cried, pulling Roman into a hug. “I will always love you no matter who you are or what you do. You’re my husband” Roman sobbed and clung to Janus’ shirt, Janus held him tightly.

Neither planned on letting go any time soon.

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edupunkn00b · 4 years ago

Text

Happily Ever After Chapter 1: Once Upon a Time

Logan Sanders thought he had secured a fairy tale ending when he married Kelly Croft, mother to his first child. Perhaps Logan should have spent less time in the non-fiction sections and more time reading actual fairy tales.

Has he truly lost his chance for a happily ever after or were the first twenty years of his adulthood just the prologue to the real fairy tale?

Human AU, Teen Rating, CW: Divorce, past abuse, internalized homophobia

[AO3] - Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 -

------------

Logan sat at the kitchen table, a now-tepid mug of coffee at his elbow. He stared at the document open on his laptop.

Superior Court of Washington, County of King

In re the marriage of Petitioner: KELLY JESSICA CROFT And Respondent: LOGAN SANDERS CROFT

Summons:

Notice about a Marriage or Domestic Partnership

To the Respondent: Your spouse/domestic partner (the Petitioner) started a case asking the court (check one):

[x] To end your marriage.

Logan had read the document and its many (many) attachments five times now. He was partway through a sixth reading when the doorbell rang. Logan's brow furrowed as he glanced at the time on the screen. Far too early for Remy to be home from his trip with Emile. Virgil and Patton weren't due back from Kelly's place until tomorrow. With a sigh (and, perhaps, more than a little relief), Logan stood and made his way to the front door.

"Oh, Loooow-gan," a voice sing-songed from the other side of the door and the doorbell rang again. "Knock, knock ... I know you're home ... your van is in the driveway and your lights are on." Logan closed his eyes and didn't even try to fight the small twitch of a smile at the familiar voice.

"Janus, it's not like you to drop by unannounced," Logan's voice was a little rough. Is this the first I've spoken out loud today?, he wondered as he turned the locks. Logan opened the door and smiled at the man standing on his doorstep, one hand reaching for the doorbell to ring for a third time, the other holding a bag from Downpour Coffee. "I could have been in the shower, you know."

Janus raised an eyebrow and smirked as he sidled past Logan into the foyer. "Right," he nodded in mock agreement. "It's already," he paused as he checked the time on his wrist, "just after 11:30 in the morning. The day Logan Sanders isn't showered, shaved, and dressed by this scandalously late hour is the day I - " Janus abruptly stopped his playful rant when he noticed how Logan's face paled and his entire body seemed to seize up at the mention of his last name. Janus narrowed his eyes a bit as he looked closer at his friend. Logan's hair was mussed and while he'd clearly put effort into his clothing this morning, his tie was askew and he'd missed a loop on his slacks. Janus placed a gentle hand on Logan's shoulder, holding up the bag of coffee and treats. "Let's talk."

Nodding, Logan led Janus back to the kitchen table where his laptop sat open, divorce papers clearly visible on the screen. "Oh, Lo, " Janus sighed. "C'mon, let's sit down." Janus pushed the laptop a bit further back on the table and started unpacking coffee cups, pastries, and creamer from his bag. He looked back at Logan and pointedly eyed the chair adjacent to his own. Janus smiled gently at him as he finally sat down, reaching for one of the to-go cups. Logan closed his eyes briefly as he appreciated the warmth emanating from the cup.

"You don't have to do this alone, Lo," Janus began. "I'm a lawyer, I can help."

Logan ran his hand over his face and sighed. "I know, Jan. I know. So am I." He met Janus' eyes and smiled slightly. "I just," he looked down at the cup in his hands. "I ... I needed to read through the petition on my own first. In case I - " Logan's voice cracked. He didn't try to continue, just looked down and took a sip of the - blessedly - still hot coffee.

Janus placed a hand over Logan's. "Lo, you know as well as I that it's normal to grieve the loss of a marriage. Even - " Janus stopped himself before he could finish that sentence. "Even one as toxic and abusive as yours was." Janus met Logan's eyes again. "It's okay to have feelings about this, Lo."

Logan sat for a while, sipping his coffee and watching Janus prepare his own. Janus remained quiet by his side. They'd known each other since law school and been best friends since they both joined QLaw. Janus knew there was no rushing Logan on this topic.

Logan stood to throw away his empty coffee cup and to empty his old cold mug. He looked up at Janus, wordlessly asking if he had finished his coffee. Janus smiled and handed him his empty cup, as well. Logan took his time throwing away trash, rinsing the mug and placing it in the dishwasher. Still not enough to run yet. He pulled out a kettle, filled it with cold water and set it to boil. "Tea?" he called over to Janus.

"Yes, please." Janus smiled again. Tea meant talking. "That chai, if you have it." Logan hummed in response, nodding and taking down the tin of chai blend.

Chai would take longer to prepare, however Janus' antics at the door were only performative impatience. They both knew that Janus could outlast the universe waiting for Logan to open up. They also both knew that Logan needed that time. After several more minutes, Logan returned with their tea and sat down with a heavy sigh.

Logan touched the trackpad on his computer to wake up the screen, entered the password and turned the screen so both could see it. He took a deep breath. "Kelly's lawyer sent me the papers to sign. A few clicks, three months' waiting period, and we're di- " Logan crushed his eyes closed and tried again. "No longer married." Logan fought the lump forming in his throat and gulped some of the scaling tea. Janus moved his chair a bit closer to Logan's but remained silent. "I just feel like ... " Logan sighed, rubbing a hand roughly over his lips, tears finally forcing their way to his eyes. "I feel like I've failed them." Logan looked up at Janus and finally met his eyes. Janus could see years' worth of tears building in Logan's eyes and suppressed the mental image of himself nudging Kelly toward a flight of stairs.

"Failed who? The boys?" Janus finally asked. Logan pressed his lips together and nodded. He looked down at his hands before he continued.

"For my entire adult life, every single choice, every step, every decision I've made was carefully planned and considered to give my sons a better life than I had. To give them that fairy tale family - a loving mom and dad, a nice house in the suburbs, good schools ... I wanted to give them so much more than what I had." Logan looked up again at Janus, tears falling. "And it was meant to be a fairy tale for me, too. The moment Kelly told me about Remy ... I thought ... " Logan stopped, pressing a hand to his mouth, breathing in and out a few times, swallowing back a sob. "I thought that I was being given a chance to live that Prince Charming life, too."

Suddenly, Logan looked up at Janus, eyes wide. "I mean, I know so much better now, I've learned how all that hetero-normative bullshit that was forced into me as a kid ... I don't mean that yours and Roman's marriage -"

Janus smiled and took Logan's hand. "I know, Lo. I know. You personally helped draft part of the law that let us get married in Washington. You've come a long way, baby." Logan chuckled a bit at the joke and sniffed, reaching for a tissue to scrub at his eyes."Your attempts to secure your ally card, though, are pulling us away from the topic at hand." Logan's eyes grew guarded. Janus continued, undeterred. "You haven't failed your sons, Logan. You're saving them."

Logan's jaw clenched and he drew his lips into a tight line. Janus noted his friend's expression and further softened his tone. He reached out to grasp one of Logan's hands. "Lo, I know how bad things were getting when you and Kelly were still together. You couldn't keep - " Janus swallowed and looked down to give himself a moment to control his voice and his words. "Kelly was getting out of control. She'd already hurt Remy when he tried to stop her from hurting you ... it was only a matter of time before Virgil or Patton started trying to step in, too."

Logan would not meet Janus' eyes. His face burned in shame. Janus gently reached over and lifted Logan's chin before he spoke again. "And before you even begin to think that you should have just tried harder to hide what she was doing to you," Logan's eyes widened "How does he always know what I'm thinking?" Janus smiled slightly, "Because I'm your best friend, that's how." Janus continued, "Before you even begin to think that you should have tried harder to hide it or somehow prevented them from trying to intervene, know that your boys love you and even if they were never in physical danger, they want you to be happy and safe. It's the wrong kind of fairy tale if you're not."

Logan's hands made fists in his lap and his jaw clenched. "But what kind of father needs his sons to defend him?" he growled through gritted teeth. Janus carefully held Logan's hands, gently prying the fingers apart so he'd stop digging his nails into his palms.

"Tell me, Lo, how many years have we worked together at QLaw?" he asked quietly.

Logan answered automatically, "Fifteen years, this June."

Janus nodded, knowing and expecting such a precise answer from his friend. "And how many pro bono domestic violence cases have we taken on?" Janus, frankly, had lost count. Without waiting for Logan to answer, he held up a hand and went on, "and of those cases, were every single one of them an instance of a husband abusing a wife?"

Logan turned away, perching his elbows on the table, head in his hands. "You know, I'm not blameless. I lied. I kept things from Kelly. I opened a secret bank account. I rented a storage room, and started moving photos and documents into it. I signed the lease on this house before I even told her that Remy and I were moving out. I even told her it was just a temporary separation. I - "

Janus cut him off before he could spiral further, carefully tugging away hands which were starting to pull at his hair. "Lo, you did what you had to in order to survive, in order to keep your boys safe. A safety plan in response to escalating abuse is the right thing to do. You did the right thing, Lo." Janus voice was quiet again. "You got out. You got Remy out, too. And you've got a safe space and a plan in place in case ..."

With a deep sigh, Logan finished his sentence. "In case Kelly does anything stupid before Virgil and Patton turn 18 and can decide for themselves where they want to live."

Janus gently squeezed Logan's hands. Logan met his eyes. "Lo, you're not alone in this." Logan nodded a bit and let out another sigh.

"Thank you, Jan."

They sat together for a few minutes before Janus gestured at the laptop with his chin. "How about I take a look at the petition for you one more time before you sign it?"

Logan stared at the screen until the words [x] To end your marriage. glowed with the aura of an afterimage. He closed his eyes and nodded, "I'd really like that. Thanks, Janus. I'll just ... I'll clean up." Logan stood, gathering together their empty tea cups and the bag from Downpour. "There are open tabs with the kids' projected school schedules and holiday calendars out to when Patton turns 18 in case you need it for - "

"For the parenting plan, yes Lo, you trained me well." Janus grinned up at Logan and was pleased to see the ghost of a smile breaking through on his face. "I've got this." Janus got to work, opening up another tab to their shared Evernote. "Say, how long until Remy gets back from his trip?"

Logan turned off the water and checked the clock. "Not for another six and a half hours, depending on traffic. How long do you think you need?"

Janus chuckled, "I'll be done with this in an hour or two. I was wondering if you wanted to do something this afternoon."

Logan started to nod eagerly but caught himself in time. "Oh, that's really nice of you, Jan, but I don't want to monopolize your entire Sunday. Don't you usually have weekend plans with Roman?"

He laughed. "Oh, I've been supplanted by brotherly love. Remus is visiting and they're off gallivanting in Capitol Hill this afternoon. They regress about twenty years when they first get together after some time apart ... I'm not sure I would want to be a part of that mess, anyway."

"I would have to agree," Logan laughed, thinking about Roman's tales of their college hi-jinks. "I'm game for whatever you are."

...

Later that afternoon, with the menu screen music from The Martian DVD playing in the background, Janus sat beside Logan while he clicked through the e-signature screens for his divorce papers. When he'd finished, Logan leaned his head on Janus' shoulder, took a deep breath and emailed the document back to Kelly's lawyers.

Janus leaned his cheek against the top of Logan's head. "I know this feels like the end, Lo. But I think your story's just beginning."

--------A/N---------

Of course The Martian is Logan's favorite movie in this universe. A sci fi film based on a book written by a software developer, wherein the only villain is the incompatibility of life with the inevitability of Newton's laws of thermodynamics, and where science, math, and human cooperation are the heroes? Bring it on!

References The QLaw Foundation runs law clinics to support the LGBTQIA+ community Information on developing a safety plan You, yes you are not alone.

#happily ever after #happily ever after better not be overpromising #logan sanders #janus #roman prince #remus prince #remy sanders #virgil croft #patton croft #established roceit #intrulogical #slow burn

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cotncandyboifics · 3 years ago

Text

A Lovely Night: Chapter 6

AO3 Link

Masterpost

Chapter 1 ~ Chapter 2 ~ Chapter 3 ~ Chapter 4 ~ Chapter 5

Pairing(s): pre-established roceit & prinxiety, anaroceit, eventual anaroloceit, eventual intruality

Word count: ~4k

Story summary: Roman's boyfriends had had a rivalry since before either of them had actually met Roman. Running a bit late to a date night, Roman accidentally gets them to start dating too.

General CW: non-detailed description of an anxiety attack, non-detailed description of physical pain, food, kissing, potentially triggering descriptions of physical bodies, swearing, caps lock, school settings, s-xual innuendos, slight description of gore(imagery), vague descriptions of anxiety, Implications of an eating disorder, fatigue, dissociation, suppression of stimming, implied heavy restriction (ED), inner monologue-style anxiety description, eating, (will be added to as I write more)

Chapter CW: Implications of an eating disorder, fatigue, dissociation, suppression of stimming, vague description of an anxiety attack, implied heavy restriction (ED), school setting, inner monologue-style anxiety description, food mention, eating, (let me know if i missed anything please!)

Author notes: <<>>

...

Logan did not know what to do with himself. The past week had thrown him off his figurative rhythm far more than he could have possibly anticipated.

First, a lead actor who he'd already been trying his best not to look at - with his accursed pretty hair and handsome face and big muscles - decided to attempt to court him? Logan felt mocked. There is no conceivable possibility that such a beautiful - and might he add, quite pompous and bothersome - man would have any sort of real interest in him, romantically or sexually. He shuddered slightly. He really should have taken the apple his roommate had offered him for breakfast that morning, but it was too late now.

And wouldn't you know, just a week later, a - dare he say - equally pretty man with mesmerizing blonde curls and a cheeky smile takes an interest in him at his own school . After years and years of having never been asked out, no one having taken an even remote interest in him, not one second glance, Logan had two men asking after him in the span of a single week. Men who he found atrociously gorgeous, in fact. Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, glasses riding up his forehead a bit.

This alone would have been enough. But he just had to go into that little sewing shop for his dear friend Patton's birthday present, and that boy with the purple bangs who stumbled over his words and his feet was completely and undeniably flustered by Logan's presence. Perhaps he was simply experiencing an ego boost from his two previous encounters that week with pretty men, but he felt that the attraction the boy seemed to have for him was unmistakable.

And now here he was, pacing down the sidewalk toward the library, headed off to meet - Janus, if he recalled correctly - for their first study session. He didn't know what the hell he'd been thinking when he asked to meet Janus again, the very next day no less... perhaps he felt the need to seize the moment while it was present, or however the saying goes. Regardless, while his actions had been quite uncharacteristically spontaneous, he saw no logical purpose in redacting his decision; Janus seemed to be an individual with plentiful intellect, and studying with fellow students had generally proved to be a beneficial tactic in Logan's (albeit minimal) experience and (far less minimal) research. Meeting with Janus, even if it wound up simply being this once, should be no different.

Logan avidly ignored any simmering feelings that he wanted something more than to spend time with Janus just this once.

He was shaken from his thoughts when his phone started ringing in his pocket. He examined the screen, noting the time - 2:49 PM, he wasn't late for his engagement with Janus just yet - as he checked who was calling. It was an unknown number, but the area code was local. Logan frowned, pressing the answer button.

"Greetings, Logan Lattimer speaking."

Virgil was kind of panicking.

His boyfriends each happened to meet this super-cute space-nerd guy in the span of a week, and the second they'd talked to him they were all heart-eyes. Not that Virgil was complaining; the guy sounded really cute.

He knew first hand now, that he was in fact super cute . That was the problem.

Virgil's lunch break came and went, most of which he spent gnawing vaguely at a sandwich and staring anxiously at the contact card that had been in Logan's wallet. It simply had his full name and phone number on it, nothing else. He tapped it on the desk in front of him, glancing between the numbers and his own phone, set face-up beside his elbow.

And then his lunch break had ended, and he had several more hours of worrying before he had to convince himself to call Logan.

Something occurred to him, during those hours. Should he tell his boyfriends?

What would he even say? There wasn't much to tell, at least not that warranted calling them before he got home. If he was going to make any calls, there was one he was under obligation to make first. And if he were to seek comfort in them for his obligation, what would they say?

Roman was probably the lesser option; he'd been whining about Logan all week, and now that he knew Janus was meeting with him again today, tensions were especially high. He'd be no help whatsoever, Virgil was sure of it.

And speaking of Janus meeting Logan again today... that also meant no. Calling your boyfriend who was about to see the guy you were nervous to call made the situation all kinds of awkward. No, everything would be easier if he'd simply call him.

So, shaking his shoulders out a bit, he did. He stepped into the break room, grabbed his phone and the contact card, and dialed the number.

His thumb hovered over the call button for a few seconds too long. He cursed under his breath and looked away as he pressed it, bringing the phone to his ear. it rang twice, and then a slight static preceded a familiar voice.

"Greetings, Logan Lattimer speaking."

Virgil was glad he'd drew in a breath to hold when he'd pressed the call button, because he wasn't sure he could recall how to breathe properly.

"Hey, this is Virgil, um, from the knitting supply shop? Uh, you kinda left your wallet here..." Virgil managed to cough, voice not breaking as much as it could have. His chest felt cold and constricted, and he wrapped one arm around himself to fight off the burn of the icy spears stabbing through his lungs.

"Ah, hello Virgil. I am currently on my way to a separate engagement, however it should not take long. At what time would it be acceptable for me to return to your place of business to retrieve my belongings?"

"Oh, uh- I'll be here till four," Virgil stuttered a bit, surprised at how fast Logan jumped to planning mode, as well as realizing he knew the precise nature of the so-called separate engagement Logan was about to attend.

"That is adequate. I will make sufficient efforts to arrive before that time. See you then."

With that, the line disconnected, and Virgil was overwhelmed by the eerie silence of the break room. He glanced at a half-empty box of donuts their manager had brought in yesterday.

He could have said that the shop actually closed at six, and that Logan could get his wallet from Emile, but his train of thought hadn’t been screwed on properly when he’d been speaking, so he could grant himself a little slack- wait, he was mixing his metaphors now...

Suddenly, the door swung open, Emile peeking out from behind it.

"Virgil, could you get back out here? We've got a little rush," and he ducked out, gone as quickly as he’d arrived.

Virgil sighed, shuddering away his anxieties, grabbing a donut hole and popping it into his mouth before heading out to join his colleague.

Janus was sitting at a table set between the rows of shelves, reading pensively beneath a subtle desk lamp where Logan found him. He glanced up and smiled gently when Logan arrived, who set his things down beside a chair opposite from Janus'.

"Apologies, Janus, but I must cut our studying session short in about 45 minutes - i left my wallet at a nearby shop this morning, and must retrieve it before 4pm." Janus' eyes sparked with something Logan couldn't place, and he hid a smirk behind steepled gloved fingers. Logan gulped imperceptibly. "Perhaps we can set up another time to study as well- um, to make up for it, I mean?" He rushed his words out in a short breath, running his fingers through his hair to collect himself. Janus' smirk broadened very slightly, and Logan found himself watching the lines of Janus’ face as they shifted.

"It would be my pleasure." Janus averted his eyes for a moment, eyebrows furrowing slightly as he thought. “Perhaps we should exchange information, so that I might- so that we can settle on a proper time for another engagement.” Janus reached into his inner coat pocket, producing his phone and tapping away for a moment, before passing it to Logan. He took it carefully, recognizing a blank contact screen, and quickly entering his information into it. He handed the phone back to Janus with a tight smile, and Janus returned it, sliding his phone back into the same pocket before resettling himself in his seat more properly.

Janus set aside his book to pull out a few textbooks for their critical thinking class. "If we are cutting our study session that precisely short, that would provide me with a chance to surprise-" He faltered for a moment, tone changing, though it was so subtle Logan almost thought he'd imagined it - "a friend of mine after his shift. Now, where did your class get to in the lecture today?" He started thumbing through the pages of a particularly thick but small book, holding it by the spine with one hand.

"Ah... Professor Cauley was stopped short on page 461 when he became distracted with his electric pencil sharpener malfunctioning, and class ended a few moments later. He did inform us that the other class had made it to page 465, so if you need me to catch up to you, it should only take me a few minutes." Logan was rifling through the pages of his textbook intently, not noticing Janus' surprised expression.

Janus reached a hand out, cautiously setting his hand on Logan's wrist, just beneath his wristwatch. "Don't fret," he breathed, "it appears we share the same class period. If I recall correctly, Professor Cauley’s face went positively red with rage, and he nearly broke the poor sharpener worse as he tried to unjam it." Janus chuckled shyly through his words as Logan met his eyes, smiling after a moment.

“Fascinating. I wonder how I have not noticed you in class before?” Logan tilted his head very slightly, and noticed something swimming warmly in Janus’ eyes. They were quite a very lovely golden brown, he thought.

Janus shifted, looking down to adjust his own texts, but the smirk that was growing less snarky by the second never left his lips. “It is a rather large class. It can be easy to lose faces in the crowd. I’m not sure I can pick out more than three people with whom I share that class if they were to pass me in the halls. But no matter.” Janus glanced at Logan’s textbook and notes, readying his pencil. “Shall we begin?”

Logan was talking animatedly as he hunched himself over his notes, Janus glancing up to watch his face behind its shield of deep brown bangs intermittently as he scribbled in his own notebook to (at least attempt to) keep up. Janus’ gaze was averted, however, when a repetitive chime sounded from Logan’s phone, sitting face down on the desk just beside his right forearm. He stopped mid-sentence, adjusting his posture and picking his phone up, flipping it over to view the screen. He sighed, deflating slightly, as he tapped the screen once, setting the phone back down.

“My apologies, Janus, but it appears that it is time for me to depart.” Logan stood, a colder, sharper version of himself taking the place of the one that holds a deep passion for learning. The beautiful ice crystal, despite its beauty, is still the twin of the icy shards that cut sharper than knives or spears, Janus thought.

Janus stood swiftly, joining Logan in his gathering of his personal belongings, shoveling his own texts into his own bag. “It is quite alright, I assure you, Logan.” They met eyes as Janus spoke Logan’s name, and Janus could swear he saw a subtle, blotchy pink settle in Logan’s cheeks. “I’ll be headed down Main Street, then. Perhaps-” Logan cleared his throat, glaring down and to the side at nothing in particular as he retried his statement. “I will be expecting to hear from you, Janus.” They walked side by side out the front of the library, stopping just past the doors to say their goodbyes. But Janus had a small realization, and felt the creeping suspicion crawling its way up his sides returning. He resisted the urge to shake or twitch it away, grinding his teeth a bit.

Instead of continuing to suppress his stimming, he cleared his throat, speaking to Logan. "I am headed down Main Street as well. I hope it is not out of- I hope that it isn’t inappropriate for me to ask, but...will you allow me to accompany you?" Janus asked, nearly moving to offer his arm to Logan, but deciding quickly that that was far too forward. He settled on spreading an arm out, gesturing to the concrete path before them that led to the sidewalk.

Logan offered a small smile. "That would be adequate, and not inappropriate in the slightest. I, I would enjoy your company.” A beat of silence, and Logan cleared his throat. “Just this way," and Logan set off, at an impressively brisk pace that Janus nearly had a hard time keeping up with, having been caught off guard.

They walked in stride with one another as they made their way down the street. Janus became increasingly suspicious of the scenario the closer they got to the sewing shop. From what he knew of Logan's situation, there was no conflicting evidence that would disqualify the possibility that Logan was headed, in fact, toward Virgil's workplace. Janus held his breath when they turned onto the very same block, watching Logan's body language soften as they did.

Janus took a deep breath, glancing at the sign of the sewing shop a pace or two ahead.

"Logan, there's something I wish to discuss with-"

Janus glanced at the sewing shop's sign once more as they passed, but didn't move to stop before the door until he realized Logan had done so, standing a bit stiff a few paces back.

"This would be the establishment I spoke of," Logan's eyes looked a bit hazed, vaguely pointed towards the door handle. He seemed not to have heard Janus’ beginnings of a confession. Janus’ eyebrow quirked ever so slightly.

"Interesting," he breathed quietly, and Logan met his eyes then. "Allow me." Janus reached a gloved hand out to open the door for Logan, bowing slightly as he held it open.

"Much appreciated," Logan commented, stepping through the doorway smoothly.

Virgil was sitting slouched behind the counter, typing random numbers into the cash register out of boredom. He was half considering going to bother Emile, but he was busy doing inventory. And besides, Virgil needed to stay behind the register in case any customers came in. One person behind the counter at all times, that was the rule. He sighed, bringing his hand to his face and tapping on the tip of his nose absentmindedly.

The bell chimed, and Virgil looked up from behind his mop of purple hair. His heart gave a few beats a bit harder than usual, and he felt his throat constrict slightly.

There was Logan again. And the whole rest of the world became background noise.

The line of Logan's mouth widened, creating a crease or two on each side. Virgil realized that not only was he staring at Logan's lips, but as well that Logan was smiling. At him.

"Hello, Virgil," He spoke softly.

"Hi," Virgil practically coughed, the scratch in his throat making it borderline painful to speak. "H-how was your, your day?" Virgil asked, pursing his lips as soon as his words had left them.

Logan inhaled, raising his eyebrows and averting his eyes from Virgil's intense brown ones. "It has been satisfactory." The door chimed again behind Logan as it shut, and Virgil suddenly recognized that there was another person in the room. A person whose presence felt immediately familiar...

"Ah, my apologies," Logan stepped to the side slightly, allowing the person to come into full view. There, with a small sheepish smile, stood Janus. "Allow me to introduce-"

"Logan, dear, that won't be necessary," Janus rested a gentle gloved hand on Logan's shoulder, and Virgil couldn't tell if he was about to pass out from gay panic or just regular panic. "We are... quite well acquainted." Janus smiled tenderly to Virgil, and Virgil's whirring brain slowed if only slightly. He was safe.

…but… was he though?

"Oh, is this the friend you spoke of earlier, whom you meant to come and meet? How coincidental, that we were on our way to meet the same person without either of us having any prior knowledge of it." Logan was caught up in his fascination so much that he did not notice Virgil beginning to hyperventilate, knuckles white as he gripped the counter, or the way Janus was watching, practically frozen.

But, as Logan's commentary came to a close, it was as though a flip switched inside Janus’ mind, and he quickly strode around Logan. He stepped quickly behind the counter and over to Virgil, all while nearly whispering little nothings like "oh oh oh," "hush now love," and "come here dear."

Logan's brain took a moment to catch up, and soon he was simply standing there, watching as Virgil clung to Janus' coat rather desperately. Virgil’s body shuddered in silent sobs as Janus wrapped his arms around him, tight and secure. Janus was still whispering to him, but it was inaudible to Logan now.

Logan didn't quite know what to do, and so he just stood there, feeling rather stuck for a long time. At some point, he set his backpack and the gift bag he'd gotten from this very store earlier that day down against the counter on the floor, folding his hands before him. At some point, he registered Janus giving him an apologetic look, which confused him.

And then Janus kissed Virgil on the forehead, pulling back slightly to look him in the eyes. Logan thought from the way Janus was nodding softly and the way their chests moved together, that they may be doing a breathing exercise. He couldn't focus on much else, so he tried to follow along and copy them as well. 4, 7, 8. 4, 7, 8.

Sooner than later, Janus was leading Virgil carefully back out around the counter, both looking slightly worse for wear, but at least Virgil was far calmer. Janus smiled meekly at Logan again, and he still couldn't quite understand what was happening. It appeared that Virgil had had an anxiety attack, but the way Janus had rushed to comfort him so quickly, the way he seemed to know exactly what to do-

"Here you go, Logan," Virgil's voice was a bit scratchy as he reached out his hand, Logan's familiar black leather wallet between his pale fingers. Logan cleared his throat.

"Thank you," He spoke a bit more quietly than he meant to. He suddenly felt his headache flare again in full force, and had to fight not to shake as he reached his hand out to retrieve his wallet from Virgil's hands. He barely succeeded, but Virgil seemed to notice something amiss - he was watching Logan's wary eyes with some mix of suspicion and concern.

Janus, however, had been staring at the floor, and did not notice Logan's onset of fatigue. He sighed, clearing his throat softly. "Logan, I suppose you deserve some kind of explanation. One I tried to give before we’d come in, but regardless." Suddenly Virgil's eyes were on Janus, and far wider than Logan thought possible. Janus just glanced at him, nodding gently, and Virgil's shoulders visibly relaxed. "Virgil and I are..."

Janus laced their fingers together, and Logan's vision went blurry, everything around him fading to static fuzz as he tried to remember to breathe. He'd eaten more than enough today for this to be happening, surely? ...Had he eaten today? He couldn’t recall. He could always remember ... He vaguely registered Janus still speaking in the background, but he couldn't care enough to force himself to refocus. He got the jist. He and Virgil were romantically involved, and Janus was interested in nothing more than a friendship with Logan. That was perfectly fine. He didn't mind. He forced away the roiling feeling in his gut and gulped down the sting starting to tingle in his eyes, forcing himself to nod.

"Understood," He blurted, voice a bit raspy. He turned toward the door, reaching for the handle. Before he fully exited, he threw over his shoulder, "I look forward to seeing you later this week, Janus. And thank you again, Virgil." And with that, he was gone.

He made his way down the block briskly, trying to shake the haze that clouded his vision. The only thing he could think to do was go and see Patton. He knew nothing worked magic on his body like a good black coffee.

"Virgil and I are..." Virgil looked down as Janus laced their fingers together, and looked back to Logan, whose face seemed to have gone paler than it normally was, which was quite horrifying to see. Considering Logan was already so white that his skin tone bordered on inhuman, now it was devoid of any pricks of red coloring and looked almost like an empty tinted gray, pronouncing his cheekbones and eye bags even more so. Janus looked between them, continuing after a moment, "...we have been romantically involved for several years now, and even longer with our partner Roman, who you may recall from the community theatre? He's expressed to us that he's quite taken with you, in fact... And I know this may be a lot to spring on you right now, but I thought you deserved to know... it felt wrong to pursue anything with you romantically when we- when you didn't have the facts straight, and even regardless, it's important for you to know that all three of us are-"

"Understood," Logan cut Janus off, nodding. He didn't speak harshly, in fact his voice was quite quiet, but it was curt and forward as Logan always was, and so cut through Janus' words like a frozen blade.

Janus looked at him in awe, and opened his mouth to speak, but Virgil gripped his arm before he did. Logan was already at the door. He glanced over his shoulder, but didn’t really look at either of them. "I look forward to seeing you later this week, Janus. And thank you again, Virgil." Janus and Virgil watched as Logan walked out the door and straight down the sidewalk through the shop window.

Emile, who apparently had been standing there for at least a few moments, cleared his throat awkwardly. Janus and Virgil looked at him in unison, matching exasperated looks on their faces.

"U-um, Virgil, I was just gonna check in, see if you've clocked off." Emile wrung his wrists between his fingers awkwardly.

"Um, no not yet," Virgil bit the corner of his lip, muttering a 'sorry' as he stepped past Emile and paced quickly to the back room to clock off. Janus stared blankly at the floor where his boyfriend had just been, eyebrows knit in thought.

"You feeling a-okay there, Janus?" Emile dipped his head a bit to get Janus' attention gently. Janus blinked a few times, engaging with Emile as he re-centered himself in the present moment.

"Yes, Emile, I'm fine, thank you," Janus rubbed his gloved palm with his thumb anxiously. He couldn't think of anything to add, so Emile smiled carefully, nodding and stepping away to resume whatever busywork he needed to attend to.

Virgil was back again shortly, his backpack slung over his shoulder. He gave Janus a strange look, some kind of combination of pity and sadness and confusion. At least, that's how it looked to Janus.

"Ready to...?" Virgil gestured vaguely towards the door, leaning into Janus' personal space a bit. Janus offered him his arm, clearing his throat and holding his chin high.

"Yes, love. Let's get home to Roman."

As they walked to the bus stop together, neither had any clue what they’d say to their Prince. He’d be distraught, they were both sure, and significantly more so than he already was, which would be… intense. Janus squeezed Virgil’s hand in his own slightly, and smiled somberly at him sideways.

They’d figure this out. They always did, eventually.

Janus took his time on the bus typing out a message to Logan, Virgil watching from the seat beside him as his head laid on Janus’ shoulder. Janus settled on something simple.

To: Logan L It's Janus. I'd love to meet up to study, or perhaps discuss other things, some time this week. Let me know if Thursday or Friday works better for you.

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ts-storytime-summaries · 4 years ago

Text

Warnings: miscommunication, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending

Characters: logan, virgil, roman, remus, background janus and patton

Romantic pairings: endgame romantic logan/virgil/remus, established queerplatonic moceit, established romantic roceit

Summary: logan has had a crush on his coworkers, virgil and remus, since he started working at the aquarium. despite constant egging on from remus's brother roman and their agent janus, logan refuses to act on his feelings because there's no way they like him back . . . is there?

(OR: roman and remus are mer, logan and virgil are aquarium employees, Everyone Is Gay, and shenanigans ensue)

#text #2021 summary

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bruisedribs · 3 years ago

Text

AU Masterpost

you can literally always talk to me about my aus. yes I have an au problem. it's incurable.

New (this blog only):

#dnau - collab w fred

remus gets into dna tests, janus' dna keeps changing, janus has an identity crisis

#mafiau - collab w fred

fake marriage turn into taking over a mafia, dukexiety, rosleepceit, freed androids becoming family

#dragonau - collab w fred

janus is a dragon that hoards boyfriends

#marvelau

janus get spider powers, janus is very hot, spideypool, dukexiety, future sleepceit, one-sided roceit

#eldritchau

remy is sleep, janus is a trickster, roman remus and virgil are a trio, soulmates exist, eldritch beings like to meddle, dukexiety, dukesleepceit, rosleepceit

#idolau

remy is an idol forced to be the face of scandals, janus is a barista with a dark past, virgil is a bartender trying to save money, roman is struggling to get a role, remus probably has a job and a home, oh and most of them live in the same shitty building

Old (from loveceit):

#bread au

rosleepceitmas, anaintruality, cottagecore dream, urban fantasy

#vampiceit - collab w fred

anxceitmusleep, canon setting, janus is a vampire disguised as a snake

#belief!dee

deceit used to be belief, king is the only one who knows, qpp kingceit, roceit, remus has abandonment trauma, remus is obsessed w roman (fic)

#powerswap au

canon setting, the dragon witch curses the wrong twin, remus janus and virgil all switch powers, slowburn anxceitmus

#pride!roman au

unsympathetic remus, remus replaces roman, deceit finds out, roman becomes pride since he's not needed as creativity

#the horror au

urban fantasy, antemori shores, the abandoned circus isn't abandoned, watch out for the Ringmaster

#ts witch au

urban fantasy, antemori shores, thomas inherited an apartment building, seven witches are the only ones living there, intruality, other ships tbd

#local cryptids au

schrodingers sleepxiety -> creepxiety, lomile, roceit, tobus, logan raised the twins, remy and virgil raised dee, virgil's youtube audience has lots of questions, remy owns fluidi-tea the coffee shop

#haunted motel au

virgil is the only employee at the enigma motel, the motel is haunted by five ghosts, virgil wants to contact the ghosts

#ts magic au

ironshell, deceit has too many people attracted to him, deceit is the only human, fae shouldn't be trusted but also the twins are fae

#fairytale au

a king broke the terms set by the fae after the queen passed away, a princess becomes a mage in a tower, the tower becomes cramped, established lomas, somewhat slowburn dukesleepxiety dukesleepceit and rosleepceit

#illfitting powers

virgil has fire powers, patton can communicate with spiders, logan conjures realistic illusions, roman can turn invisible, remus travels through other's reflections, janus is forced to fit in through painful shapeshifting, remy keeps people awake, emile influence people to feel the same emotion he does

#snakely escape au

deceit strips away everything but his core - self-preservation- and hides out in the imagination as an inland taipan called mair, qpp dukesleep, slowburn anxceitmus and roceit

#unexpected roommates au

semi-canon setting, roman is a ghost that haunts thomas, deceit is a sizs-changing fae that got stuck in thomas' home, they can see the sides when they're out, the sides know about them before thomas does

#fakimals

remus is thought to be the only dark side because virgil and janus are always in animal form, the animals will still pop up if they disagree with something, ignoring the animals doesn't end well, qpp anxceit, slow roceit

#sideswap au

canon setting, belief, creativity and caution as light sides, guilt, pride and detachment as dark sides, blind!belief, light sides chirp, probably onseided roceit (pride loves belief)

#garbage au

remus is a homeless demon sleeping in the dumpster behind the tattoo shop virgil works at, remus gets to stay in the shop's break room, roman is an angel, dalitso and remy own the tattoo shop and they corrupt/seduce roman, virgil gets to tattoo remus, dukexiety, eventual rosleepceit that starts with roman playing matchmaker to remy and dee

#the coincidence au

romulus, roman and remus don't know that they're all cousins, they have different surnames and have lived in different parts of the world before ending up in the same town, all three gets interested in dee who looks cool but is a gay disaster, creativiceit, sleepxiety

#soft vibes au

past sleepceit lead to remus being born, eve adopts roman and virgil, thomceit, eve's adoptive parents are emile and patton, soft family focused au

#ts sunflower au

thomas went to an adoption centre w a friend as moral support, met dee, continued to visit dee, adopted dee, now has an autistic 8 year old to care for, sir hiss the stuffed corn snake, mr picani is dee's counsellor, dee transfer to a new school, dee is now in fourth grade w the twins and virgil, remy is dee's friend from his old school and turns out to be mr picani's kid, could be thomile

#toddler dee au

thomas gives deceit less energy after the reveal, deceit changes to a smaller shape to conserve energy but fucks up, deceit is now a toddler w no memories, deceit only trusts virgil in the beginning, toddlers can't control their powers, roman is dee's role model and future husband (in the way kids want to marry adults), deceit actually ages at an accelerated rate (1 year in 4 months)

#kingceit human au

king roman and remus are triplets, deceit and remy are twins, deceit killed their and remy's parent in self defense, king is deceit's hot hairdresser that they accidentally confess murder to, deceit and remy take in 12 yr old virgil from the street, kingceit, rosleep, dukesleep

Old and temporarily abandoned:

#art heist au

#ts avatar au

#ts tangled au

#yet another youtube au

#soulmate wings au

#the high school au

#ts mythology au

#dead spouses au

#wtnv au

Dead aus:

#twin omens au

#parent teacher au

#deceit too au

#hogwarts au

#crazy ex au

#ts universe au

fred, friend and au enabler: @anxiouslyfred

#masterpost #long post

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 4 years ago

Text

Snap Part 3

Read on Ao3 Part 1 Part 2 Part 4

Warnings: roman angst and everything that goes with it. self-esteem issues, self-hatred, insecurity. sympathetic everyone

Pairings: roceit, platonic DLAMPR

Word Count: 4446

Most things in life are flexible to some degree. You can push and pull and bend them in certain ways and, to some extent, they will comply with you. There are some things that you can bend and bend and bend. Creativity is one of these things. Creativity, imagination, dreams...they can be shaped and changed into whatever you want.

Bend...and bend...and bend...until they snap.

They’re in the living room. Everyone is doing…something. Remus isn’t paying a whole lot of attention to anything but rewrapping his grip on his morning star and the gentle press of Roman’s leg against his. Every now and then, Roman will reach over and lay his hand on Remus’s knee. Remus always reaches out to cover it.

“Come on, Princey!”

That gets Remus’s attention. He looks up to see Roman shaking his head, Patton staring at him with pleading eyes.

“Just one?”

“No thank you,” Roman says softly, “I...I’d rather not do it today.”

“What isn’t happening today?” Logan closes his book.

“Princey doesn’t want to do the brainstorm,” Virgil huffs crossing his arms.

Logan frowns. “It has to be done soon,” he insists, “otherwise it will put Thomas behind schedule.”

“We’re in the middle of a pandemic, Logan,” Roman mumbles, “it’s not like this is a normal thing.”

“It is important to look after ourselves first,” Janus agrees with a quick glance at Roman, “especially now more than ever.”

Virgil squints at him. “Why’re you suddenly so on board?”

“It couldn’t be because I’m trying to maintain Thomas’s mental health.”

Patton tilts his head. “I think Virgil’s right...is there another reason you don’t want to do this, Roman?”

Roman glances at Janus and sighs. “Yes. I don’t want to.”

“..is,” Logan says hesitantly, “is that it?”

“Yes.”

“Well, forgive me—“ Remus growls low in his throat— “but that sounds a little...selfish.”

Remus growls again. These fucking idiots.

“Yeah, kiddo,” Patton says, giving Roman a small smile, “it does.”

“Didn’t we just establish that wasn’t inherently bad?” Roman buries his face in his hands and for a moment, Remus readies himself to chase the others out. Then Roman sits up.

“I...I can’t do it. Not yet.”

Virgil frowns. “What do you mean, ‘not yet?’”

Roman gives Remus’s hand a quick squeeze. Then he stands up. “Not yet.”

Remus can’t help the surge of pride that shoots through him as Roman sinks out.

Virgil glances around. “Does anyone have any idea what the fuck just happened?”

“I…” Patton hugs himself. “I don’t know.”

“Perhaps something happened,” Logan says, “and Roman is upset by it.”

“Why the fuck wouldn’t he just say that, then?” Virgil shakes his head. “I shouldn’t be surprised that Princey’s being dramatic, but…”

“He’d been doing so well,” Patton agrees, “I don’t know what happened.”

Remus glares at Janus, daring him to say something. Janus just shifts in his chair. Fucking snake.

“Remus?” What does Logan want with him? “Are you prepared to have the brainstorm session?”

Are you fucking serious? “Shouldn’t we wait until Roman’s ready?”

“Who knows how long that’ll be,” Virgil mutters.

“We can at least get started,” Logan reasons, “and it’s not as if we’ve failed to perform with—“

Remus raises an eyebrow when Logan cuts himself off. “No, no, please, finish your sentence.”

“…one Creativity,” Logan mumbles, “my apologies, Remus.”

Remus sits back, forcing himself to put down his morning star. “Why was it so easy for you to apologize to me?”

Logan frowns. “Because I made an offensive comment. That warrants an apology.”

“Mm.”

Logan falters. God, these guys can be so slow.

“Not yet,” he prompts, “why would Roman say that?”

Remus looks around, sees a load of empty faces. “No? No takers? Come on, let’s give you some prompting.”

It takes barely a flick of his hand to create suspenseful countdown music, gleeful fury rising as the other sides begin to panic, shifting around like they should say something but having absolutely no idea what. Remus pouts.

“Aww, you’re outta time!”

“Remus,” Logan huffs, “if you know, why don’t you just tell us?”

“Because I shouldn’t fucking have to!”

Remus growls, glaring at one Side after another. “I shouldn’t have to tell you why Roman’s upset. I shouldn’t have to tell you why he didn’t want to tell you. I shouldn’t have to because you should’ve paid attention.”

“R-Remus?” Patton twists his hands together. “C-can you tell us anyway?”

Patton shrinks under the glare that Remus gives him, Virgil stepping in front of him. “Fine. Just because nothing will get better unless I do.”

“…thanks.”

“What is Roman,” Remus asks, planting his hands on his hips, “what is he?”

“C-creativity?”

“What else?”

Virgil frowns. “Thomas’s hopes and dreams?”

“What else?”

“Passion,” Logan tries, “romance?”

Remus huffs, turning to stare at Janus. Janus hasn’t moved, his hands balled up in his lap, his head bowed.

“The ego,” Janus mumbles, “Roman is the ego.”

“Correct!”

“Roman’s what?” Patton glances between Remus and Janus.

“Makes sense,” Virgil mutters, only for Remus’s head to spin exorcist-style around to glare at him.

“And why, Plain White V,” Remus says sweetly, “would that ‘make sense?’”

Virgil shuffles.

“Could it be because Roman is dramatic? Could it be that you see him as self-obsessed? Or maybe—“ Remus fake-gasps, covering his mouth— “it’s because an ego is a bad thing?”

“Stop it,” Virgil mutters, “stop it, Remus.”

“An ego isn’t a bad thing,” Logan says quickly, “it is a sense of self, especially when contrasted to another self or world. In psychology, the ego typically refers to your own image and opinions of yourself as the active mediator of trying to accomplish the wishes of your unconscious mind within the boundaries of the real world.”

Logan freezes. “…oh.”

“Yes,” Remus mutters, “oh.”

“R-Roman needs a structure,” Logan says weakly, closing his eyes, “a—a role that he can play to do his job. He…he is shaped directly by what others think of him.”

“Now you’re getting it.” Remus claps when Virgil goes even paler behind his foundation.

“Thomas’s sense of self,” he mumbles, “R-Roman’s sense of self…”

Remus stands victoriously in the middle of the room, watching the horror and realization dawn on their faces.

“Roman doesn’t know who he is anymore,” Remus growls, “because everything he’s ever had has been ripped away from him. And it’s not like he has the strength to do anything about it.”

“I truly hesitate to ask this,” Logan mumbles, “but…why not?”

Remus looks at Janus and raises an eyebrow.

“The ego is kept healthy by positive affirmations and care,” Janus says, still refusing to make eye contact.

“And you’ve done such a fantastic job of that, haven’t you?” Remus tries not to delight in the way Janus flinches.

“B-but—“ Oh. Patton’s crying. “—we love him.”

Remus laughs. He throws his head back and lets the cackles ring around the room, not caring that they get so loud it doubles back and makes him want to split his own skull open.

“Do you? Do you really?” Remus spreads his arms wide, gesturing at the Roman-less living room. “Do you even know the extent of what you’ve done to him?”

He points an accusing finger at Patton. “You forced him into a role he never asked for, one that he’s long since forgotten how to stop playing. You scold him for daring to express an opinion different to yours and guilt-trip him into compliance.”

He turns to Logan. “You tear him apart every chance you get. You think it’s hard not being listened to? You think it’s hard being silenced? Then you should know how it feels when someone dismisses you without hearing you out. Let alone telling them they don’t deserve to feel that way.”

Virgil cowers when Remus looks at him. “Do you have any idea how many times you’ve insulted Roman? Any idea? At all? No? Here’s a better question. Do you know how many times Roman’s sniped back and he’s the only one who has to apologize? Don’t worry, it’s not like you’re the only one who doesn’t fucking apologize.”

“And you.”

Janus winces.

“Look at me.”

Aw, that’s cute. Janus is crying too. Too bad.

Remus doesn’t bother to hide his contempt. “What is your job?”

Janus mumbles something.

“Louder.”

“To protect the ego.”

“And what,” Remus asks in a soft, dangerous voice, “have you been doing instead?”

“I apologized,” Janus tries weakly.

“What for?”

“For calling Roman the evil twin. For comparing him to you.”

Remus scoffs. “No wonder he said ‘not yet.’”

The snake flinches.

“You apologized—“ Remus takes a step forward— “for the last straw. And you let everything else get swept under the carpet. You set him up to take the fall no matter what happened in that courtroom—don’t pretend you didn’t, you put the gavel in his hand—you spent the whole time buttering him up, you made fun of his name first, and you strung him along like your favorite little puppet.”

Remus bends down, forcing Janus to look right at him.

“You knew exactly what you were doing,” he whispers, “and you didn’t care.”

He turns to look at Patton again. “You love him? Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. Whether or not you do, you still did this to him.”

Remus takes a deep breath.

“There is one reason you are all not currently splattered across the walls,” he says in a perfectly calm voice, “and that is because Roman does not want you hurt. That is the only reason I am being very calm right now.”

“…what do we do,” Patton whispers, tears still running down his face, “what do we do?”

“Here’s a thought,” Remus growls, “why don’t you think about what you make Roman do?”

“Listen,” Logan says quietly, adjusting his glasses.

Virgil fiddles with the strings of his hoodie. “…apologize.”

Patton shuffles and hugs himself. “Do better.”

They all turn to look at Janus.

Janus clenches his fists in his lap as he looks up, hot guilty tears standing on his cheeks. “Care.”

“Good.” Remus takes one look at the rest of them. “Mess this up, and I won’t give you another chance.”

He sinks out.

Janus buries his face in his hands. He can hear the others muttering worriedly to each other, can hear Patton sniffling and Virgil zipping and unzipping his hoodie. There’s a horrible black pit in his stomach that won’t go away, the guilt simmering patiently at the back of his throat.

Pathetic.

Worthless.

You’ll never be accepted now, you can’t ever have them, look what you’ve done.

The words pile up, burning his ears, the guilt filling his head so much that it takes a moment for him to realize how bitter his mouth tastes. Then realizes he’s hearing another voice say those words too.

The others startle a little when he stands up, jaw set.

Remus was right. He knew exactly what he was doing because he knows Roman. For better or for worse, he knows him. And he’s been abusing that for as long as he can remember.

Time to change that.

By the time someone knocks on Roman’s door, Roman’s already worked himself in and out of at least three different freak-outs, trying his best to keep them as low as possible so he doesn’t accidentally summon Virgil.

The knock comes.

“Come in,” he says instantly, only to wince a moment later.

“…second chance?”

Janus.

Roman falters. He doesn’t really want anyone in his room right now, he’s…he’s not ready to do the brainstorm session, but he craves the gentle affection Janus has been showing him recently. Especially after this morning.

“…come in, please.”

His door swings open, revealing Janus, fiddling with something in his hands. Roman stands up, wobbling slightly.

“Don’t get up,” Janus says softly, shutting the door, “I’ll come to you.”

Roman sits, watching Janus walk to stand in front of him, tucking the thing he’d been fiddling with into some mysterious pocket. Then he carefully reaches out, hand hovering in front of his head.

“May I?”

Roman nods only to positively melt the next second when Janus cards his hand through Roman’s hair, fingers scratching across his scalp. Distantly, he hears Janus chuckle, another hand joining the first.

He must be losing it, or at least significantly more off his game than he normally is, because he thinks he hears Janus murmuring to him.

“Aren’t you lovely,” he thinks he hears, “that’s it…relax, sweetie, let me hold your head.”

Well…maybe?

Roman warily lets his head droop, leaning further into the touch, only to have a second pair of hands cup his head. He takes a shuddering breath, letting the warm touches wash over him. It feels so warm.

“J-Janus?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Can you…a l-little to the left?”

“Here?”

“Hhhh.”

Janus chuckles, focusing on the spot just below the crown of Roman’s head. “Does that feel good, sweetie?”

Roman hums, easily getting lost in the gentle touches, the soft voice.

W-wait.

“…stop.”

The hands freeze. “What?”

“Stop.”

The hands are gone. Roman takes a deep breath, trying to fight off the wave of stopdon’tnocomeback that rushes through his chest before looking up at Janus. The worried look on his face is almost enough to get Roman to cave.

Almost.

“What are you doing?”

Janus frowns. “I’m trying to look after you.”

“Why?”

The frown deepens and Janus reaches out for him again, stopping when Roman draws back. “Because I want to.”

“What do you want?”

“To take care of you, Roman, like I just…” Janus’s eyes widen. “…oh, honey, do you think I’m only taking care of you so you’ll do what I want?”

Roman looks away. “You know the answer to that.”

He closes his eyes, expecting Janus to scoff, to turn away, or to just tell him what it is that he actually wants. He hears the soft sounds of rustling fabric, then—

“I’m sorry.”

What?

Roman stares, eyes wide. Janus finishes tucking his gloves into his pocket and nervously adjusts his hat. The scales on his hand glimmer in the faint light of Roman’s room.

“…what?”

“I’m sorry,” Janus repeats, “for everything. F-for using you. For manipulating you. For letting you think everything was your fault. And for not doing my job.”

“Y-your what?”

Janus reaches for him again, pleading, and Roman lets him gently cup his cheek. His scales are smooth, cold, and he shudders.

“My job,” Janus repeats in a hoarse whisper, “is to protect you. To take care of you. And I have been failing miserably.”

Is…is Janus’s hand…trembling?

“I used your insecurities to manipulate you,” comes the whisper, “to…to isolate you and make you easier to control. I let the others constantly undermine you, convince you that you had no idea what was right and what was wrong, made you reliant on them.”

Roman’s heart clenches at how horrified of himself Janus sounds, how the hand on his cheek touches him like he’s something precious, like Janus is afraid he’ll ruin him if he touches him wrong.

“I have hurt you.” Janus’s thumb strokes lightly across his skin. “And I have never, ever, apologized for it. So I’m doing that now.”

Janus presses his hand there for a moment longer, then pulls his hand away. Roman can’t stop the wounded noise that escapes his throat at the loss of contact, nor can Janus help flinching at the noise.

Three long seconds pass, each wanting the other to reach out, do something, say something.

“I…I am not asking you to forgive me,” Janus manages, “not now. Not right away. N-not ever, if you don’t want.”

No…no—

“But I am willing to do what it takes to earn it,” he finishes, clasping his hands in front of him and bowing his head, “both your forgiveness and your trust.”

“…th..that’s what you want?”

Janus peers up at him. “…yes, Roman. That’s all I want.”

“…s-so…”

Janus sighs. “If you wanted to, you could throw me out of your room right now. You could yell at me, scream at me, call me every awful name you can think of. I wouldn’t stop you.”

“…do you want me to?”

“It’s not like I don’t deserve it.”

Roman frowns. “Second chance?”

Janus’s head jerks up, his eyes wide. “W-what?”

“Second chance?”

“I—I…” Janus sighs again. “…I would prefer it if you didn’t. But this isn’t about what I want, Roman.”

Roman swallows, still overwhelmed by Janus’s apology. It’s…it’s so much more than he ever expected to get. And yet…even hearing Janus say all the awful things he’s done, it doesn’t change the fact that Janus is the only one apart from Remus that makes Roman feel like it’s okay to want something.

“I…” Janus looks at him intently. “I want…”

“Say it,” Janus whispers when Roman hesitates, “go on, Roman, say it.”

“…I want you to take care of me,” Roman whispers, shame burning his face, only to be chased away by cool scales against his skin.

“May I—“

“Please.”

As soon as Roman chokes out the word, the hands are back. Tangling in his hair, stroking his face, holding his head securely. This time, Roman doesn’t fight it, sinking into Janus as much as he can, feeling the hands drift down to rub at his shoulders, drawing little patterns into his back. Janus keeps murmuring to him the whole time.

“It’s okay, Roman,” he says, finding that spot on Roman’s head again, “I’m right here, I’m right here, I’m not going to hurt you…don’t fret, it’s alright, sweetie.”

Roman reaches out and fists Janus’s cloak, tugging the other side closer.

“I’m so proud of you, honey, you made me so proud today…you stood up for yourself and what you wanted, you did so well, you’ve been so strong…”

“J-Janus?”

“Yes, my prince, I’m right here, what can I do?”

“It—it hurts.”

“What hurts, honey, where does it hurt?”

“Everything,” Roman cries, the dam finally shattering in the face of all of this, “everything hurts, I want—I want—“

“Yes, honey, you’re allowed to want, come on now…”

A sob chokes out of his throat and he’s gone.

Janus holds him through it, never shushing him, letting him get every single drop out, murmuring soft encouragement that pulls it out of him like some terrible poison. Roman bawls into his chest, letting the prince, the performer, the actor, the good twin shatter, leaving Roman, just Roman, crying in the arms of someone he loves.

When it’s over, when he can’t move, can hardly breathe from how much, when he sags into Janus’s arms, he feels…lighter.

“You did so well, sweetie,” Janus says softly into his ear, “so well. That was a lot, wasn’t it?”

Roman nods, his throat exhausted. “…there’s more.”

“You get it all out then. I’m not going anywhere.”

“…I…I…”

“Talk to me,” Janus pleads, “you can talk to me, honey, I won’t tell a soul, let me care for you.”

Roman tucks his head against Janus’s shoulder and breathes. Janus is slightly cool to the touch, his cloak is soft. He rubs his cheek against the fabric. His tired brain manages to come up with the word ‘safe.’

“Of course you’re safe,” comes the instant murmur, “I’ll keep you safe.”

Roman hates his traitorous brain for instantly flashing will you?

It’s barely noticeable, a hitch that lasts scarcely more than half a second, but Roman, pressed right up against Janus with Janus’s chin on top of his head, notices.

“S-sorry—“

“Don’t,” Janus says immediately, a scaled hand tenderly cupping Roman’s cheek, “you needn’t apologize. I…haven’t exactly given you much reason to trust me.”

Roman gently bonks his head against Janus’s. “This.”

He feels more than sees Janus’s sad smile. “And that’s supposed to make everything better, is it?”

He has a point.

Doesn’t he always?

Roman squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep, slow breath. Then another. On the third one, he pulls away. Janus lets him go, lets him sit up, and scrub his hands over his face.

“No,” he says finally, “it doesn’t make everything better.”

Janus sits there quietly.

“I’m angry,” Roman murmurs, “I’m so angry with you. With a-all of you, but especially you.”

No response.

“It’s like…it’s like I’m constantly watching myself in third person. I—I have to make sure I’m always playing the role right, that my voice is right, my words are right, because you don’t want me unless I’m always right, you won’t—“

Roman’s voice chokes off. He swallows the lump in his throat.

“…you won’t love me if I’m not right.”

He bows his head, hair flopping in his face, twisting his hands together.

“And I’m so mad right now because I have so many reasons to be mad at you and I am mad at you and I can’t fucking think of any of them because all I want to do is beg you to take care of me and never let me go.”

He tangles his hands in his hair and pulls, despite Janus’s soft noise of protest.

“I hate you,” Roman mumbles, “I hate you.”

He pulls harder.

“But not as much as I h-hate myself for loving you.”

His eyes slip shut as yet more tears well up behind his lids. He squeezes them tighter, taking shuddering breath after shuddering breath.

“I love you,” he says through the breaths, “I love you so much it hurts and it’s everything I know and I’m so angry that I can’t stay angry and I can’t—I can’t—“

He rakes his nails down his face, leaving angry red lines.

“Why can’t I stop,” he whispers, “why can’t I stop loving you?”

“Hate and love aren’t opposites,” comes the hoarse murmur from beside him, “the opposite of love is indifference.”

“I don’t want to be indifferent toward you.”

He hears Janus shuffle around and keeps his eyes shut. If he looks…if he looks and sees Janus’s face he won’t get to say the things he needs to say.

“Why did you change,” he asks suddenly, “what…what made you change?”

“…you did, Roman.” Roman can’t stop the scoff. “I’m serious. You…that day. When you…snapped, it made me realize something.”

“What?”

“That you were far better at pretending than I thought.”

Janus shifts on the bed.

“…I thought your hurt would be loud. Brash. Uncompromising. I thought you were the type to sing it to the heavens, shout it from the rooftops. But it’s…it’s not. It’s quiet. It’s solemn. It’s…it’s resigned.” He takes a breath. “And you weren’t even that angry that day. You were just…exhausted.”

The bed shifts.

“And you were right.”

Roman shakes his head slowly from side to side, feeling his hair swing back and forth. “I want to trust you. I do. A-and I’m trying to.”

“Let me earn it,” Janus says immediately, “let me—let me show you.”

“I want to,” he says, the vulnerable shake in Janus’s voice tugging on his heartstrings.

“…second chance?”

Roman sighs. “I do want to, Janus, but I…I don’t want to get hurt anymore. I—I don’t want to start trusting you again only to have everyone tell me it’s wrong.”

“If it helps,” Janus says gently, “it’s highly unlikely.”

“Don’t lie to me right now,” Roman says, “please.”

“My gloves are off,” Janus reminds, “I’m not lying. And…I did just come from the others.”

Roman opens his eyes, staring at Janus who smiles gently.

“Remus…helped us understand,” he says, “how much we’ve hurt you.” He tilts his head. “He loves you, Roman.”

“I love him too,” Roman mumbles.

“We—we promised we’d do better,” Janus says, “not just for you, but for…for all of us. And we agreed that starts with making things right with you.”

Roman can’t help the traitorous flutter of hope in his chest. The scar tissue around his heart burns, the hope pressing up against the damaged nerves, threatening to leave him breathless.

“When you’re ready,” Janus continues softly, “the others want to apologize to you too. Logan wants to help you figure out what you want. Virgil wants to learn how to recognize when you need help. And I’m fairly certain Patton wants to cuddle you into next week.”

“N-now?”

“No.” Janus shakes his head. “Not now. Not if you don’t want to.”

“…I don’t want to.”

“Then you won’t.” He hesitates, then slowly reaches for Roman’s hand on the blanket. Roman lets him take it, feeling the subtle shake of Janus’s fingers. “…thank you, Roman.”

Roman blinks. “For what?”

“This,” Janus says, squeezing Roman’s hand lightly, “for trusting me with all of this.”

Roman nods, only for his hair to flop in his face and completely ruin the moment. Janus chuckles as he tries to blow the offending clump away, only for it to resolutely stay exactly where it is. He huffs. Rude.

“Here,” Janus says before he can reach up to move it away, “let me?”

Roman nods, expecting Janus to reach up and move it himself, and maybe run his hand through his hair a few times, but Janus reaches into his pocket and takes out…a hairclip? Is that what he’d been fiddling with?

Janus holds it up so he can see it and Roman’s breath catches in his throat. It’s…it’s a slender clip, in his signature red, with a tiny golden crown on the end. Janus lets him look, then slowly brushes Roman’s hair back, lifting the clip up and gently clipping Roman’s hair out of the way, brushing any lingering strands to the side.

“There…” He looks back down at Roman’s face. “Now I can see you.”

Oh.

“I know this doesn’t fix everything,” Janus murmurs, cupping Roman’s face in his hands again, “but…I hope it’s a start.”

Roman swallows. “It’s a start.”

Janus smiles. Then it fades as he slowly leans forward, resting his forehead against Roman’s, both of their eyes falling shut.

“We love you,” Janus whispers, “I love you.”

Roman should want to say it. But the scar tissue around his heart groans in protest. Still, he opens his mouth.

“Don’t,” Janus says softly, resting his finger lightly against Roman’s lips, “not like this. Let me earn it.”

“…I’ve already told you, though.”

“You have,” Janus agrees, even though he doesn’t move his finger, “but let me earn it.”

He presses his mouth to Roman’s forehead.

“Let me earn you.”

The soft brush of lips against his skin and the sincerity in Janus’s voice makes Roman’s head spin. “…earn me?”

“Yes, my prince,” Janus murmurs, “let me show you. Let us show you.”

Roman closes his eyes. He wants that. He wants Janus to show him. He wants Patton to cuddle him. He wants Logan to talk things through with him. He wants Virgil to know when he needs things. He wants.

He wants.

And for once, for once, when he wants, the voice in his ear doesn’t say he’s an awful person for wanting, that he’s pathetic, that he’s wrong for wanting.

Instead, when Janus pulls away a little bit, and asks Roman if that’s alright, if that’s something he wants, Roman answers.

Yes.

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