#especially with the mania he's going through rn | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

punkscowardschampions · 1 year ago

Text

Modie Pt.3

Moses: Am I dressed nice enough for you?

Edie: How am I meant to stop kissing you to do anything we’ve planned when you look like that?

Moses: We’ll have to do it all while you’re kissing me

Edie: You have stubble, it’s going to be all scratchy 😻

Moses: I left it cos I had the knowing you’d like it

Edie: It’s what makes you different, always had, mammy and the others all have soft skin, just daddy felt like that

Moses: They might, but yours is the softest

Edie: I am all your soft

Edie: your 💘 outside you

Moses: Can you feel how mine’s beating inside me right now?

Edie: I’m going to, we’re going to be that close again, all day

Moses: [tell her what drug/s you feel like you’re on and all the ways she makes you feel better than that because we’re feeling extra the closer y’all get to seeing each other irl]

Edie: I’m so desperately in love with you, do you feel that?

Moses: I’m going to

Edie: You will when I can’t wait, when I was so nervous before and now

Moses: It’s cute how nervous you were

Edie: It might come back when it’s time but

Edie: right now I want to jump on you the second you’re through the door

Moses: [an updated eta giving however many seconds that is, because clearly he’s close af to Ali’s house now]

Moses: I’m almost there, I told you there’s that many of them for us

Edie: You did, you were right

Edie: I need a now though, I’m so, I feel like everyone can see

Moses: I need you now too

Edie: You want me to show you my music room, daddy?

Moses: Where the magic happens

Edie: Exactly

Edie: and I can’t go anywhere or concentrate on anything ‘til you’ve kissed me properly, touched me all the places you want to

Moses: You’d frighten your horse if I didn’t calm you down first

Edie: Horses, you said

Edie: or have you forgotten how good I am, I’ll remind you

Moses: What number did I say?

Edie: However many he’s got

Moses: Lucky you’re very good, or I’d have to go back on my word

Edie: You can tell me anything, do anything, I meant that

Moses: I know

Edie: You know I belong to you, in every way it’s possible to be owned by someone, I want that

Moses: Every part of you

Edie: Pin me down, overwhelm me

Moses: A soundproofed room’s asking for it as much as you are

Edie: How long have I been begging for it, daddy taking off my nice outfit and playing with me

Moses: Too long, but no longer

Moses: [because we gotta let you show up and knock, the way I know he’s holding flowers and a soft toy of some kind that’s probably massive even though it’s his bday not hers, never any chill]

Edie: [at least we are giving no one else the remotest chance to get to this door before us, the way we are flying at you, surprising you don’t end up on the cold hard ground with the force we’re jumping into your arms with, squashing this cuddly and lowkey getting stabbed by the stems of these flowers but we do not care, got to also squash him to death, doing such aggressive kisses all over his face as you’re just squealing daddy over and over because he’s here]

Moses: [me like the rest of the fam stay back please you don’t need to see this, Alison especially though I’m sure you’re lurking because you aren’t expecting him to show up at all never mind on time like he has, oh y’all would LOVE to end up on the floor rn but alas he is simply too strong and however hardcore she’s launching herself at him he’d be ready for it, in that sense at least, loling and grinning because he is buzzing to be here as well and blatantly loves her reaction to him being, rip to these flowers that are probably dropping petals left right and centre getting crushed because he’d be holding her so tightly to his chest rn immediately to feel his heart going insane and they would be crushed to their bodies with no fucks given, then just here basically spinning her around like this is a rom com because we’re so !!]

Edie: [bouncing in his arms in the rhythm of his heart which we know is insane, just looking excited to the point of actual mania about this, catching one of these falling petals and putting it in your bra to have next to your heart ‘you’re so romantic, I love you’ is romantic the word you would use with your dad, not really even though yes, this is very much giving but it could just be a misspoken phrase, nbd, making whatever stuffed animal this is give him kisses too, stroking his stubbly face as you do]

Moses: [not you also catching one of these petals and eating it because you said you’d eat her letter and her hair and want to put every part of her in your mouth and to me it’s giving how my boo wants to put Ang’s head in her mouth, that kind of energy but I’ve corrupted it as per haha, I sure hope nobody saw you do that sir because wtf, at least when you’re kissing this stuffed toy back in a very extra rom com kind of snog manner you can pretend it’s playful and you’re just being silly if anyone sees that and it isn’t just how you wanna kiss her but cannot here in this doorway]

Edie: [not you smacking this toy like a fuming child like absolutely not, unhand my father, so jealous, not knocking it out of his hands though because hiding behind how giant it is to do a lightning flash kiss how you want to, pulling his tongue into your mouth with your teeth and licking the remnants of this petal against your bottom lip]

Moses: [this poor toy getting used and abused but did we expect any less, no absolutely not, only letting it drop to the ground when he’s broken the kiss and it’s safe to do so, purely so he can adjust how he’s holding her to really be holding her tighter, as if he was going to drop her if he didn’t this animal but we all know he wasn’t and he’s just doing the most because !! the flowers are definitely gonna end up falling on the floor too, soz not soz, it just shows how little they matter because he flashes the cash and buys her things at any given opportunity anyway]

Edie: [the excited noises are unhinged, PRESSING into him like your life depends on it, doing more aggressive kisses that are almost like nips and going across his jaw to his ear so you can at least whisper ‘is it really you?’ pinching his cheek like you’re making sure]

Moses: [likewise PULLING her into him like both of their lives depend on it nbd, a sound that we can pretend is finally like oi/steady on/be careful/calm down at the nips she is doing but we both know is nothing of the sort and his jaw isn’t tensing because he’s annoyed at how much she’s being like a rational person would be, we’re just trying not to give ourselves away at the gig lol, pinching her back on both of her cheeks harder than she did it because gotta do it even though it isn’t as hard as he’d like to, which turns into a sort of play/tickle fight moment that would be wholesome if he was just her dad and she was a little kid but here is just flirty, like, he’s literally throwing her around and up and pretending to drop her/have her all but touching the floor only to be pulled back into him as an excuse to touch and manhandle her the absolute most + show off to her how strong he is as per]

Edie: [at least the way you are loling and screaming is giving such childlike energy no one is clocking the flirty vibes this is absolutely giving, the heart eyes likewise are just how you’ve always looked at him, nothing to see here, grabbing onto him like you’re actually in fear for your life and don’t just wanna, doing the whole put me down put me down but protesting too much energy so he knows not to]

Moses: [mhmm, the fact that this is the way they have always acted is doing them a lot of favours, if we can call it that when we wanna actually call the police lol, and will continue to, ramped up though we know their antics have been, I like to imagine that instead of putting her down he’s doing the opposite and carrying on these frankly lowkey dangerous antics towards and on the stairs, intending to take her up them to the music room (though I do think we should have Ali stop y’all from actually going up there whether that’s just by appearing like um where are you going don’t you have places to be?? Or if she actually wants to have a word with either Moses or Edie before they go because that kind of cockblock is realistic and I’m not just saying it to build the tension/for my dream’s sake), the way I’d be screaming not in a fun way at how he’s like dangling her about with no fucks given for the peril because I always told everyone off for playing on the stairs, true story about baby Junie]

Edie: [it will be easy enough to cockblock y’all because everyone else can wanna say happy birthday to you, Junior would want to follow you into the music room so it’s not happening lads, deal with it]

Moses: [ah the joys of having a big fam, have fun actually having to interact with the other peeps that are around sir, Junior especially, even if this man is literally holding her hand after v reluctantly having to eventually put her down so that she can’t go far from him even then]

Edie: [your nephew and actively so because his dad is the best dad of the bunch so you really would know him quite well, the night and day of how you’re acting because she’s here so quiet now because of course you are when the reality sets in, would walk away if she could but we know we cannot without it being a thing ™ just picking up what you can of the trail of petals you’ve left in your wake, purely as a thing to do and distract]

Moses: [yep there’s really no avoiding that kid until a time comes when you can be like soz we gotta go and flee the scene, luckily you do have a full day of shit planned and peeps know you would because he’s that sort of bear whenever he sees her, they are never just chilling, leave get out and put her in the car like she’s a little baby child, lifting her in and doing her seatbelt and all the things, but letting this car just run for a sec and LOOKING at her instead of actually speeding off to your next destination of horse buying like are you okay because clearly not]

Edie: [sorry that when the mood dies the mood DIES as is the nature of what the fuck y’all are doing, still, regardless of that, you would want him to have a good birthday, so you aren’t trying to freak out in his face about it, just looking around his car/van/whatever like you can find out as much what he’s been up to lately as asking him because lowkey, looking up long enough to do a what are you waiting for kind of smile]

Moses: [^^ that is the tea and what y’all get when you’re living like this so you can’t really push her into staying here and having any kind of interaction rn and you’ve gotta just set off to get her whichever horse she falls in love with most in the hopes that’ll cheer her up and change the vibe back/at least distract her from the sad vibes]

Edie: [thanks for being a horse girl, Billie, very handy for us, we’re here hugging our knees to our chest in our seat, turning on the music so we can put on songs that are not us because we know you were listening to us before you got here and we cannot do that right now]

Moses: [maybe I’ll see if I can find any content of her that fits the horse vibe and post it as him, yikes her song would have come on automatically when the car started yeah because he was listening so that’s awks, change that girl so the car ride is semi bearable before y’all have horses to distract you]

Edie: [I has content if you would like it, will send it to you now but truly, the way we’d flinch like absolutely not lmao, hope these horses are not far because only so much you can do to pretend you’re fine when you aren’t fine, whatever music you’re putting on is definitely upbeat and loud af to do that heavy lifting]

Moses: [I’m sure they aren’t with where Ali is living needing to be in the countryside for its farm vibes and thank god because the mood has taken a DIVE, we can equally thank god that y’all have a full day of activities planned to keep on distracting you if the horses don’t cut it, the next, we know being golf/irish football, it was after that my dream kicked off so at least if you do wanna hear that it isn’t an insane tonal shift because some time between this angst and Winola’s feral dream essay]

Edie: [true true, you only have to suffer this silence that is literally deafening for so long before you’re distracted ‘cos you gotta test ‘em out and see who you bond with and he’s gotta do his thing of making a deal for it so you’re not gonna have time to be worrying about what just occurred/what has been, as for golf/irish football, pick which you’d rather because different vibes for each, both have merits]

Moses: [the dilemma of do we want y’all to be walking round a golf course just the 2 of you because on the negative hand it’s time to think again but on the other it’s time alone which could swing things back to a vibe they started on if she is cheered by horses etc, or do we wanna go with irish football which you can only watch and get invested in so you don’t have time to think much like the horse vibes, idk]

Edie: [mhmm but also it’s a crowd so you can have fun/let’s be honest, get drunk, so that’s where I’m personally swinging, whether that makes things better or worse, like you can get drunk whilst you golf too obvs and other people will be on the course but not going ‘round with you so that’s a very different energy lol]

Moses: [very true, let’s go with irish football, I know fuck all about it soz lads but I think it fits the overall vibe better and would be more likely to get y’all to a happier place than golf will]

Edie: [we don’t need to know, it’s fine, it’s not really the point, no offence lads, he’ll be rooting for someone, it’ll be the general atmosphere of a footie match, she picked it because it’s your kind of vibe, me just here thinking about the logistics of the horse though like, will you pick him up later, are you boarding him at ali’s or on the site that you don’t live at currently, no you haven’t thought this through lmao]

Moses: [it sums him up that he hasn’t thought about a single one of those logistics himself and I know for a fact he hasn’t even discussed this horse with Alison never mind asked her if she wants to keep it at hers and he likewise has not given a thought to who would look after it on site until he’s back if it goes there, I literally imagine he’s just gonna tell his sister that she has to until he’s back and Edie has her own caravan there for her bday to be living in if Ali can’t/won’t have it, the audacity of this man and his big life changing decisions he makes on a whim, excuse you sir this is a real live animal]

Edie: [like horses cost thousands per year, you best be intending to cover that boy because Alison will not see an animal suffer ‘cos you’ve not thought about it properly, we all know for that reason she would take it in but again, y’all will have to have a talk ‘cos she’s going to be like excuse me what do you mean and you can’t call her crazy ‘cos she’s not about to freak about the piercings nor you taking her to what is clearly a sketchy pub]

Moses: [thankfully the cost is one thing he can and would cover because yeah he really has not considered a single thing else about this as per usual and I’m sure he deffo would be trying to gatekeep gaslight and girlboss his way around this but as my boo says he truly cannot when it’s clear to everyone yet again how little you thought the horse through, damn, if I was Ali I would be TIRED, he’s like another child this man]

Edie: [we absolutely are but we’ll never be that bitch to say you can’t see your dad because what is that gonna do, make her go behind your back and do it and be against you, so you can’t win, all you can try and do is talk to her/try and make her see when he’s flopping but that’s not easy when Edie is willing to be pretty damn delulu about it all]

Moses: [anyway, I’m gonna drop my dream here because it can go from when they are at this sketchy pub, that fits and you can tell me if there’s any bits you like/wanna carry forward or what bits you don’t and if you wanna go in a different direction entirely, seeing as I had it and I wrote it down lol, bear with because it’s an essay]

*DREAM*

Edie: [the woman is too stunned to speak lmao but honestly, how are you recovering, how can you carry on, just walking around the rest of this day in a literal daze is the only way to describe it because none of this feels even a little bit real, thinking you’ve just lost your mind, nbd, for purposes of writing I’m wondering where we should skip to, like do we wanna do any of these activities or do we know the vibe?]

Moses: [yeah I’m wondering the same thing whether we know the vibes or if any of these other activities are worth discussing cos I don’t wanna go too hard and have too much happen if we’re saying everything in that dream did but as you said how are y’all just continuing on with said activities as if it didn’t lol, maybe we should skip to the meal as the final thing/him leaving? Because like, you’re busy when shopping and when getting tattoos and piercings but you can’t just eat food and cake in silence/even if you did you’ve still gotta say bye]

Edie: [that makes logical sense because you can be distracted by the world and your tasks everywhere else but if y’all are just having a meal alone, which I’m sure your mother talked you into after you trying to make it a whole family affair, like, there’s nowhere to run lads lmao; I know this restaurant you’ve picked for him is giving such STEAK energy because why are men, fighting for your life with your mostly plant-based diet but you’ve never been less hungry anyway so that’s not a problem, when the waiter has taken your order just looking at him literally like what now, as if he’ll have any more of a clue]

Moses: [like obviously we could be EVIL and say your siblings who would be interested in coming have even if Alison has not if we wanted cos they do have some level of relationship with him and we all know Junior would wanna tag along if nobody else, but regardless of if they are along or not he will continue to piss about to try and cheer her whether that’s playful footsie or it’s giving food fight/the Tony and Effy making a face and flicking food scene with the free bread rolls places like that give you, just being a childish dad]

Edie: [We could say just Junior, because Django wouldn’t want to come, the twins don’t know you like that because that’s after you and that just leaves Rio and imagine how deeply awkward that would be lmao, girl be busy because we’re not doing that, the subtle way you can ignore him without ignoring him by just involving Junior in these childish antics because he is one, I know he’s being a rascal and neither of you is doing anything about it]

Moses: [at least Junior is having a lovely time feeling like a big man with his meal and checking out this new tattoo and getting to misbehave because the way he’d be lowkey so annoyed that he cannot get her attention lol, just giving it all to Junior trying to make her jealous like she’s a child of his age and that’s gonna work]

Edie: [living his best life lmao and thank god because the fakery we’re coming at this with truly like nothing happened is madness but we gotta and won’t be swayed from that in front of Junior, absolutely not]

Moses: [casually the most awkward meal of all time, y’all will be so glad when you’ve gotta get this boy back so Ali can vaguely try and calm him down enough to do his bedtime routine which I know damn well this man will have kept him out past with no fucks given because he’s that sort of bear, not you literally playing her song during the car ride back because you wanna get a reaction out of her which isn’t fake, I say sir not in front of Junior please, god knows what this song is about]

Edie: [not you here acting like you didn’t publish this song for anyone/everyone to see, the dirtiest look as your face is BURNING like I can’t believe you’ve done this lmao, like Junior is gonna be asking her questions because he’ll know it’s her obvs like when did you make this, why didn’t you let me help etc etc like omg, here wanting to turn it off so badly but then he’ll be even more annoying like hey I hadn’t heard that before so you just have to let it play, crossing your arms and doing your best to ignore Junior which is no mean feat because he’s 7]

Moses: [when I just know he’s let Junior sit in the front with him and made her sit at the back because he’s annoyed she’s ignoring him so it wouldn’t be easy for her to turn it off if she wanted to and instead this man will be turning it up when she gives him a dirty look about it because petty king, literally here using the fact that he’s aware Junior is also a musical boy and will be bugging her and that he’s most likely to bug Edie out of everyone anyway because most like her and wants to be closest to her (not quite Grace and Rio levels but still), because he knows this child thanks to Ronan being a hands on dad, against her]

Edie: [at least you can lay across the backseats and turn away from them like you’re having a full teenage strop and aren’t having a far more real and existential moment here, covering your ears dramatically so Junior has to stop talking to you, going on your phone because it’s the easiest way to get Moses back here and now for doing this to you]

Moses: [never thought I’d be glad he drives dangerously with kids in the car but thank god he is speeding so the drive back to Ali’s from this restaurant wouldn’t be as torturously long as it could be, the way I know he’s just fully chucking these kids out of the car when they do get back with no intention of coming in to make sure they are sorted or speak to Ali, instead every intention of just driving away because he’s having his own teenage strop as a full grown man]

Edie: [the way we would not go in/would just be staring him down like are you serious right now, standing outside this car like are you going to do what I think you’re going to do or not]

Moses: [not you changing tact and following Junior in like you really care to make sure he’s okay etc purely to leave her standing by this car because so mature lol lol]

Edie: [so glad there are so many places to hide around here because you’re going to need to, you can tell Ali where Edie is, have fun with that, sir]

Moses: [me dying at his audacity to give Ali the brush off as well like soz gotta go I’ve got a long drive back bye under these circumstances, like ARE you gonna tell her where Edie is sir absolutely not because you don’t actually know in the same way you always get deets wrong and so you’ll just say she’s throwing a strop/upset you’re leaving etc etc that kind of vibe and leave Ali to find her like we all don’t know damn well what you did and what the truth is, please leave hun you’ve done quite enough on this day and you haven’t even told her about this horse yet either]

Edie: [my boo says oh you rat, the drama and the angst as she hears him driving off from the barn/wherever else she could be]

Moses: [it does give you the option though to come at me as either of them though depending how you’re feeling so that’s nice, the way this is like a lovers tiff storming off situation has SENT me, excuse me you’re her father not her boyfriend]

Edie: [I’ll come at you as Edie first, even if it doesn’t become a full conversation, giving the same night but later, like he’s had the time to drive back and get this message when he’s there energy]

Edie: Don’t bother coming back for my birthday, or, at least, don’t bother with me

Moses: [giving even later like you got back and went out despite being in the pub with her before so there’s absolutely not need but you obvs have sorrows to be drowned]

Moses: I wouldn’t, you didn’t need to bother sending that message

Edie: Too late now

Moses: Past your bedtime, on you go

Edie: You’re no father

Moses: I’m the only one you’ve got, little girl

Moses: don’t you speak to me like that

Edie: I can speak to you however I want

Moses: That’s what you reckon

Edie: That’s how it is, you should’ve thought about a lot before you ruined everything

Moses: I should’ve? It was you who ruined my birthday

Edie: You’ve had plenty

Moses: Don’t go crying now

Moses: you knew what you were letting yourself in for

Edie: Crying?

Edie: I feel sick, you make me sick

Moses: I gave you what you wanted, maybe you are sick

Edie: You’re meant to know what’s right, meant to do it

Edie: not this

Moses: I’ve no time for this

Edie: Right, go back to having no time for me

Moses: I haven’t none if this is how you’re going to be

Edie: Like what

Moses: Blaming us for your behaviour

Edie: Fine, fine

Edie: it’s all my fault

Moses: It’s not mine that you’re only a tease and everything you said was a lie

Edie: It’s not real life, today proved it, don’t blame me

Moses: You’re blaming me when I did what yous told me you wanted, so what did I do wrong, exactly?

Edie: What do you mean, you know it was wrong

Moses: Why didn’t it feel wrong then?

Edie: It made the rest of the day wrong, I couldn’t be with you, you didn’t talk to me

Moses: You liked it, but whatever, blame me, yeah

Edie: You started it

Moses: You started it in your mammy’s house, give over

Edie: You don’t even care, what this means

Moses: You don’t care about my feelings, why would I yours?

Edie: You’re meant to love me

Moses: Did I force you to kiss me or invite us up to your music room before that?

Moses: you said you loved me and plenty else, but I bent over backwards to prove mine to you today and you keep on throwing it in my face

Edie: I didn’t say you forced me

Moses: Because I’ve never

Edie: It ruined your birthday

Edie: I want you more than I want this, that’s my point

Moses: How you acted up ruined my birthday, now you want to talk after ignoring me half the day

Edie: I’m trying to explain

Edie: how could I act normal, after that

Moses: You didn’t stop us, if I’d known you were going to be in that mood about it I would’ve

Edie: I’m sorry

Moses: Too late

Edie: It’s not, you can take my birthday and do whatever you want

Moses: The birthday you’ve banned us from spending with you, sure, I’ll be in a proper mood myself to celebrate, won’t I?

Edie: You already weren’t coming back

Moses: ‘Course I was, I mean what I say, I’ll be living back it’s all arranged

Edie: Not bothering then, you know what I mean

Moses: Don’t speak for me

Edie: You said it

Moses: You’re welcome, here I am giving you what you’re after again

Edie: I just want us to go back

Moses: Well wes can’t, you pushed everything too far

Edie: Why won’t you try

Moses: How can I, I’m not allowed to see you and you won’t talk to me

Edie: Who said

Moses: You said

Edie: I said don’t bother because today wasn’t worth you bothering with

Moses: It wasn’t worth it to you cos I won’t give you your own way and a sorry when I’m not

Edie: You already got me [whatever you’ve called this horse] I don’t even need a birthday

Moses: I get it, you don’t want your surprise no more, don’t worry I’ll cancel what I had planned, there’s no need to cancel your whole birthday too, like

Edie: I don’t want any of it

Moses: I’m still not forcing you

Edie: I’m not a child, I don’t need a fucking birthday party, it’s so irrelevant

Moses: I wasn’t giving you one, I was giving you your own fucking ‘van like an adult

Edie: Yeah, cancel it

Moses: I am

Edie: Good, don’t waste your money

Moses: It ain’t ever wasted on you, that’s why I’ll transfer it instead, do what you want with it

Edie: You were never going to let me live with you, I don’t want the money either, none of it

Moses: Yeah I was, ask your mammy if you don’t believe us

Edie: No, you were going to put me in my own caravan, I don’t need to ask anyone

Moses: Because she were carrying on and on about you having your own room, I was going to put all your music stuff in it when her back was turned

Edie: Why could you just not get a two-bedroom ‘van?

Moses: I thought you’d like having one to decorate yourself, but what do I know

Edie: Forget about it

Moses: I have now

Edie: We aren’t the same at all, not even close

Edie: I was wrong about everything

Moses: You’re wrong about that for a start

Edie: I wanted to be a family, to have a room at my daddy’s, that’s it

Moses: No, you don’t want to live with me, you never did

Edie: Liar

Moses: You’re the liar, you said you wanted to sleep in my bed, that’s why I didn’t bother myself with 2

Edie: Is that all you cared about

Edie: You didn’t want me cluttering up your life, with my things, my presence anywhere but your bed

Moses: Christ alive, you are my life and what I cared about was sharing mine with you, it was your mammy talking of space, she said no unless I got some more

Edie: So you went with the more expensive option

Moses: Like I said, I thought you’d have fun with your own ‘van to play in

Edie: No

Moses: You’ve got a music room at your mammy’s, I only wanted living with me to be as good, I was going to find out how to build it into a proper studio, that’s all

Edie: I don’t care about things, that’s not what it was about, I don’t need you to give me endless gifts

Moses: I’m not sorry for trying to give you the nice things you deserve

Edie: It’s thoughtful of you

Moses: Don’t patronise me

Edie: Fine, it’s thoughtful this time but all it reminds me of is every time it wasn’t, that’s the truth

Moses: Jesus

Edie: I hate it, I’m not sorry

Moses: You hate me, you hate my culture, you hate how I show I care about you

Edie: No I do not

Moses: That’s what you’re saying

Edie: Because I’d rather you showed up than sent me money or things?

Moses: I do show up and when I can’t I want you to know that you’re loved and I’m thinking of you, I’m after making it up a bit that I’m not always there how some dads get to be, why’s that a fucking crime?

Edie: I’m sorry, I can’t help how it makes us feel

Edie: I’m ungrateful, you said so, so just don’t even try, I’m not worth it

Moses: You’re cruel, but I’m to blame for that too, everything’s my fault, you said so yourself

Edie: Why’d I say that, it’s clearly not true

Moses: Forget it, something else you’ve told us to do cos you’re blatantly of the mind yous can tell me what to now, many times as you like

Edie: That’s because that’s what I want, the only thing I want

Edie: You’d never tell me it were impossible before, nothing

Moses: So have it

Edie: So mean it

Moses: I can’t just mean something different the second you decide it’s what you want

Edie: There’s time, we can

Moses: Time for you to reject me, you did

Edie: That shouldn’t be a sentence we can even say

Moses: I know, that’s why all day I’ve tried not to be upset about it, not hold nothing against you

Edie: and I tried to be normal but I couldn’t

Edie: we shouldn’t have done it, it made both of those things and more impossible

Moses: I won’t do it again, I couldn’t take feeling like that a second time

Edie: I really am sorry, you know, more than I can put in words

Edie: I feel like shit too, if that helps

Moses: I heard you the first time

Edie: Don’t hate me

Moses: I don’t

Moses: I couldn’t, I love you too much

Edie: I never want to make you feel like that again either, I can’t stand that it happened the once

Moses: I’ll find somewhere else to put it, I should’ve known you couldn’t handle it

Edie: Don’t say that

Moses: It’s the truth

Edie: Wow

Moses: I wish it weren’t but it is, kid

Edie: Fuck you

Moses: What are you getting so angry for?

Edie: Don’t talk to me and you are banned from seeing me

Moses: Have it your fucking way, everything else is

Edie: If I can’t be loved that’s all your fucking fault

Moses: All I’ve ever done is love you

Edie: You take it away, you’ve never outright said it but now you have, now there’s no denying it

Moses: You took it away first, all you’ve said

Moses: I’m no father, I’m banned from seeing you, and the rest

Edie: You’re meant to be an adult, the adult here

Moses: I’m not allowed to be upset then, that’s grand

Edie: You’re meant to fix it

Moses: I don’t know how, you’ve turned everything around

Moses: you wanted this, now you don’t and you won’t give me a second to even try and catch up, all you’re doing is being mean to me

Edie: You wish you didn’t even love me

Moses: I wish I didn’t so much it’s made you hate me

Edie: I don’t

Moses: You do

Edie: No

Edie: I want you to love me unconditionally, that’s all I’ve ever wanted

Moses: What conditions have I ever put on you? I let you do what you want even though you’re a girl

Edie: That’s the problem, this adds conditions

Moses: No it don’t, you can’t stand that it happened, it won’t again

Moses: it’s done with

Edie: You don’t believe that, be honest

Moses: I believe you, how upset you are, even though you don’t care that I am

Edie: You just left

Edie: you didn’t say goodbye, you didn’t say anything about what happened

Edie: and you told my mammy I was sulking

Moses: You wouldn’t talk to us, it was for the best I left before I said things I didn’t mean

Edie: You didn’t say anything either

Moses: I was giving you time to come to me, I didn’t expect you to take what was left of the day and go mute at me or bring your brother out so you could avoid us

Edie: I invited whoever wanted to come, not just him

Edie: and that was when I was planning

Moses: I didn’t wanna rush you no more than I did force you, use that was, when you reckon I’ve done worse

Edie: I haven’t said that and I’m not going to, get that out of your head

Edie: It was like, you couldn’t even look at me anymore

Moses: Because if I’d have looked at you I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself and you needed me to

Edie: I didn’t ask you to stop

Moses: You are, and you have been since it happened

Edie: Because if you’re going to treat me like this then I can’t

Edie: having you care about me is more important than that

Moses: I was treating you as nice as I know how to, being more careful with you than I’ve ever been with anyone before

Moses: and you still reacted like that, felt sick about it, hated me for it

Edie: It wasn’t that I felt sick about

Edie: it was after, I keep saying

Edie: You tried to humiliate me in front of my little brother, you left me out on my own when you knew I was upset

Moses: I was upset too, I keep saying

Moses: you’re the only person who’s ever rejected us and the last I reckoned would

Edie: Then let’s go back, to when that wasn’t a possibility

Moses: I don’t want to, I want it to not be a possibility because you want me too

Edie: Daddy, come on

Edie: It was a disaster

Moses: Everyone’s first time is

Moses: [tell her some stories of yours from kisses to whenever you lost your virginity like see]

Moses: I can fix that, let me

Edie: I meant the fallout

Moses: There isn’t any if we talk to each other, I should’ve made you and I’ve the knowing to next time

Edie: But will we, or would this just happen again

Moses: Come on, baby, please

Moses: give us a chance, don’t I deserve one more?

Edie: Do you want me or do you just want your streak back

Moses: You know it’s you

Moses: I want you so bad you didn’t even need to touch me to be shown how much

Edie: That wasn’t just because of where we were

Moses: It’s because you’re special, it’s never happened nowhere else

Edie: Why?

Moses: What do you mean why?

Edie: I mean

Edie: I’m not special, I didn’t do anything

Moses: You are to me, it wouldn’t matter if you did nothing every time, it’s how you make us feel

Edie: It matters to me

Moses: I love you, I’ll always love you no matter what

Edie: and I’ll always love you too

Moses: I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was hurting thinking I’d lost you

Edie: You can’t lose me, only if you push me away

Moses: You were and I couldn’t handle it

Edie: I didn’t know what to say, I still don’t

Moses: Say I can spend your birthday with you, I won’t bring no presents ‘cept myself

Edie: You promise?

Moses: Promise

Edie: Okay

Moses: I’ll miss you

Edie: I’ve missed you

Moses: I’ll light a candle and wish to start the day over, be less of a cunt to you

Edie: I wanted it to be perfect for you

Moses: I know and I ruined it

Edie: Me too

Moses: If I could see you more I wouldn’t lose my mind when I do, it’ll be different when I’m home, better

Edie: How’s the tattoo?

Moses: [send her a pic]

Moses: How’s your [wherever she got pierced]?

Edie: I’m glad you’ve not tried to scratch it off

Edie: I can’t say I’ve given it any thought

Moses: You’re going nowhere, permanent like you wrote

Moses: did you take it out, you can tell me

Edie: No, it’s still in

Edie: I feel so stupid, today was meant to be the start of a new chapter

Moses: It’s my fault

Edie: It was an equal effort

Moses: Nah, you’re saying that to make me feel better

Edie: Weird of me to start now after being such a bitch

Moses: Your birthday is going to be perfect

Edie: It is?

Moses: Whatever it takes, I’ll be making a deal with god or the devil the night before, might hedge my bets and ask both for favours

Edie: You’d risk that for me

Moses: Before you was born I don’t reckon I even had a soul to gamble with, it’s yours and already on the line for you

Edie: I love you, I know you love me too, I feel it, always

Moses: I’ve no other reason to be here

Edie: You’re mine, I’ll keep you safe, do better

Moses: If you don’t want to be touched, I’ll not touch you

Moses: you’re safe with me

Edie: I did want to, you didn’t make me do anything

Moses: Your hair made me

Edie: I didn’t realise how alike it would make us look

Moses: Nor did I ‘til I couldn’t stop looking at you

Edie: Everyone knew I was your daughter

Moses: It’s right they do, wherever we are

Moses: you belong to us, inside and out

Edie: You’ve been inside me, I still can’t believe that happened

Moses: Not all of me yet, but enough I’ll have to touch myself to the sight of you in my head every night to be fit for anything else in the morning, yeah

Edie: Am I still there, on your fingers, even a little?

Moses: Can’t you still taste yourself in your mouth from mine?

Edie: I needed more, I didn’t want to stop

Moses: Me either but you’re not broken in like other women are, I have to remember to take it slow with you

Edie: No, I want to be like them

Moses: You don’t

Edie: Why not

Moses: I didn’t love them

Edie: You love me no matter what

Moses: And how I treated them would hurt you because you love me

Edie: Tell me

Moses: I wasn’t nice how I am to you

Moses: [why yes, it is time for a rough sex style overshare, just everything we can possibly imagine because lord knows how many ladies he’s slept with by this age, going into all the graphic details as per, being just horrible with how he’s treating these gals it’s not even hot it’s just derogatory]

Edie: That’s what they wanted

Moses: Yeah

Edie: And that’s what you wanted too

Moses: Right, they were there asking to be used and I did

Edie: So how can you change what you want that much?

Moses: I’m a changed man for you, told you

Edie: I think you’ll miss it

Moses: You don’t miss [something she kind of likes] when you’ve got [something that’s a fave]

Edie: You’ll get bored

Moses: I didn’t of your mammy, she did of me

Edie: You know it’s never been that

Moses: I know I’m not getting bored of you

Edie: You will if you treat me like I’m boring

Moses: We only have be careful at first, ‘til you’re used to me

Moses: it ain’t forever

Edie: Did you do those things to my mammy?

Moses: [tell her what you did because again, we love an overshare]

Edie: Do you find it weird that you and Ronan have both slept with her?

Moses: We both slept with Django’s mammy first, he can’t help but follow my lead, I’ve always lived exactly as I’m after, most can only envy it

Edie: I’m pretty sure she slept with him first, they were friends

Moses: She fought wanting to sleep with me but I could tell she did

Edie: Obviously

Moses: Point is, Ronan’ll have taken more of my leftovers, I know, I just haven’t bothered myself to ask who or when

Edie: I miss him, it’s a shame they didn’t work out

Moses: What’s to miss?

Edie: I don’t know, it was just nice having him around

Moses: Come and live with me, that’ll be nicer, promise

Edie: I don’t know

Moses: Why not?

Edie: I’ll just visit instead

Moses: Talk to us, why don’t you want to?

Edie: The idea is tainted now

Moses: It don’t have to be

Edie: I want to stay at home

Moses: Long as you know you can have a home with me

Moses: your original idea was to stay and both of us take care of each other

Edie: The trusts not there now, for either of us

Moses: I trust you, but fine, you don’t trust your daddy

Edie: My ideas were stupid

Moses: No they weren’t, you’re too smart for that

Moses: I’ll say no more about it though, you’ve made up your mind and that’s probably another smart idea itself

Edie: You don’t have to worry about talking to me, just say when you’re back

Moses: Oh sure, not as if I want to talk to yous or anything

Edie: Sometimes you get something and find out it’s not what you wanted, right

Moses: I don’t, you’re speaking for yourself there

Edie: Well, lucky you

Moses: You’ve no need to be scared

Edie: I’m not

Moses: You’re not going to be boring, even if you live to be 133 like I’ve plans to

Edie: I don’t even know if I wanna live to 33

Moses: Don’t say that

Edie: What’s the point, seriously

Moses: You’re my point, what would I do without you?

Edie: You can have another point

Moses: Or I can go [an geographically appropriate way of killing himself for where he is rn, whether that’s a river or whatever it is] and I would

Edie: I never said I was going to do anything

Edie: Una would haunt me, if you can haunt other dead people

Moses: I’d haunt you too

Moses: there’s no replacing you, no more talk like that

Edie: You could though, Liam’s ma would really have to be going some to be in with a shot

Moses: Shut your mouth, I could never

Edie: Are you scared of death?

Moses: You dying, give a fuck about what happens to me

Edie: I’ll try not to

Moses: Mind you try your hardest for my sake

Edie: ‘Course

Moses: I’d be lost without your visits, can’t wait for ‘em to start

Edie: You’re a nerd

Moses: Liar

Edie: Sadly not

Moses: Pathological, can’t stop, look at yous

Edie: Shut up, loser

Moses: Make me

Edie: Yeah, you wish

Moses: You wish you weren’t all talk, you mean

Moses: I’ll get over it

Edie: Oh good

Edie: You can stop annoying me then

Moses: Night then

Edie: Bye

Moses: [do go because you always rudely will haha]

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k3rm1e · 4 years ago

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heyo!! i was wondering if you would mind writing hc’s for a reader who just had a major accomplishment but their parents don’t really congratulate them or anything, and then philza celebrates with them instead and tells reader how proud he is. i kinda want some dadza comfort rn :’) anyway, thank you sm!! have a great day <3

accomplishments

hello anon! i’m sorry i took a while to answer this. i went a bit off track with this and got A LOT more angsty, so i’m really sorry about that. If you want me to make a much more fluffier or mellowed-out version, i’d be happy to. please, read the trigger warnings before reading this.

i don’t plan on writing more angst-y things like this, especially not this angsty, so don’t worry. once again, please, if you would like me to rewrite this into a less emotional version i’d be happy to

cw: swearing

tw: talk of god and the church, slight manipulation, repetition of words

accomplishments:

holy shit. you were in disbelief. a state of shock. one million twitch followers. one. million. followers. you were silent. shock can have many effects on a person. some scream and laugh out of joy, or a misplaced sense of mania. others cry, because they cannot handle it. some remain confused, because their brains are unable to conceptualize the event. you were silent.

what should you do? would a “thank you” tweet be good enough or would it come off as insincere? should you wait to stream? or would that make people feel you didn’t care because you took so long? through the anxiety you could feel the true realization that you now had one million followers. like a truck, you were hit with the most excited feeling ever. getting up, you jumped around your room. you spun and jumped and cheered and whooped and yelled and smiled and danced and were overflowing with joy, with the acknowledgement that you had done it, you had really fucking done it.

opening the window above your desk, without a single fuck, you screamed. “WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!” let’s just hope your neighbors don’t wake up.

you stayed up all night, celebrating. tweeting out a thank you, you received congratulations from your fans and friends while you talked with the people in your discord vcs.

in the morning, your mother and father had woken up. with a newfound determination, you ran downstairs. streaming was your passion and you wanted to tell the world what you had done. but, because of limitations, your mother was your metaphorical world.

“mom! mom! mom! mother, mother, mumther!!” you shouted, dashing down the stairs, tripping over your feet. stupid wood flooring and slidy socks.

from your place at the bottom of the stairs, you heard her sigh, “yes, sweetie?”

you bounded over to her, setting your arms on the kitchen counter. from the hallway you could see your dad, who was sitting on the couch drinking his sunday morning coffee. “mom! guess what?” without giving her time to respond, you shouted, “i hit one million follows on twitch! one freaking million!”.

your mother didn’t seem as enthusiastic as you. “is that why you were causing such a ruckus last night? and, watch your mouth, even though ‘freaking’ isn’t a ‘true’ curse, i don’t want you swearing. especially not on the lord’s day. i couldn’t fathom going to church everyday, only to allow you to have a mouth like that.” she continued to stare at her work papers.

“oh, uh, okay mother. dad? did you hear me? i hit one million on twitch.” you awkwardly turned your head over to your father.

“she’s right, you know that, don’t you sweetie?” your father stood up, and made his way into the kitchen. “language like that, it’s shameful. surely, we don’t need you to have a private session with father paulson, do we?” your dad stood next to your mother, rubbing her back as he stared at you.

“no, no, of course not. um, i’m gonna go upstairs now.” you turned around, wishing you could simply disappear.

“without breakfast? are you truly that upset with us? we can’t have you ending up like those people, committing sinful acts and going to hell. god would never forgive you. we’re already taking a risk allowing you to stream, putting yourself out there.”

both your mother and father stared at you. your blood felt like ice in your veins. the white walls of your house seemed so much brighter, yet duller at the same time. everything felt a white-pure-pink-orange. your breathing got uneasy. choppy. in, out, out, in, in, in, out, in, in, out, out for different increments of time. 5, 3, 2, 7, 10, 9, 6, 4, 1, 6, 8, seconds, over and over and over.

“we just wanna protect you, dear. we love you, don’t you get that?” your mother stared at you.

you felt like a scene in those movies. the ones that directly cater to teens who thought their lives were shit when in reality they just hadn’t grown up enough to make sense of something yet. were you one of those teens? or is this actually wrong. you don’t think it is, but you don’t talk to others about this. family matters stay in the family was a common phrase repeated in your household. the church was family, they could know. your mother and father, they could know. others, they must not know, never know.

“of course, mother, father.” you wanted to force yourself to speak, but syllables were incapable of getting past your lips. your mouth was full of peanut butter from the sandwiches served in your elementary school cafeteria. but, the partly frozen chocolate milk always washed it down. “of course. i love you guys too. love you.” you smiled, a disgusting smile that felt violating to exist on your face, violating, violating, violating.

you dashed up the stairs, to your room, up, up, up. running in, you wanted to slam the door, scream out the window, puch your pillow, smash your pc, cry, whatever you could do to get out your emotions. but instead, you lightly shut your door and slowly walked over to your desk chair to see who was online. you would go live later. it was only 5 AM, after all. they could wait. at least, you hoped they could.

opening discord, just to see what everyone was doing, you saw philza minecraft was online. you went over and messaged him, ‘phil. philza. philza minecraft. vc please?’ in response, you received a short, ‘sure m8, gimme a minute’ you waited, until you heard the noise confirming he had joined.

“good morning phil.” your energy from before had receded back into the confines of your chest. the prior excitement was gone and replaced with a feeling of fatigue.

“morning mate, how are you? congrats on the one mill!” phil sounded excited, happy for you. you smiled, chuckling a bit.

“i’m alright man, just tired. how are you? and, thanks for the congrats.” you smiled, feeling the fatigue set in.

“i’m good. but you, you don’t sound very good. couldn’t sleep, could ya’? that was how i was when i hit one mill. way too excited to sleep.”

“yeah. yeah, i’m just tired.” you were getting a bit too tired to talk. the day had barely started, and yet the full-body emotional exhaustion had set.

“‘just tired’? the hell happened kid?” phil’s voice sounded concerned. fuck. the last thing you wanted to do was worry him. he had his own life and you had already caused enough trouble today.

“it’s nothing big phil, seriously. just my parents.” there, a slight bit of information. family matters still within the family, just a few words.

“they being shitbirds? or are you lying, and something big did happen?” he was being inquisitive, which was dangerous. questions were dangerous.

“no, why would i lie?” his inquisitiveness would continue, you knew. so you spilled the metaphorical beans. “they just, just weren’t as supportive as i’d wished they were when i told them. i was really psyched, y’know? and them, just sort of, not giving a shit? i don’t know man, it just feels bad.”

“i get you. it’s shit, when people don’t care about your accomplishments. my parents never really saw streaming as a true profession in the beginning, which led to shit like you describing. i promise it gets better though, even if it feels like shit now. and, for what it’s worth, i’m proud of you.”

“it’s fine phil, you don’t need to try to make me feel better. i’m okay, seriously.” you didn’t need or want his pity. accepting it would feel patronizing.

“no, you need to understand that i’m not fucking around. one million is a big fuckin’ thing, especially for you who hasn’t been streaming all that long to achieve. it’s fucking amazing, mate. be proud of yourself, for christ’s sake.” his fake anger chimed through your headphones. even though you were being berated, you still felt better.

“thank you, phil. i needed that.”

“your welcome, mate. and look, anytime your parents are being shit, don’t try to hold it all in. call me, or wil, or someone, okay? don’t hold that shit in.”

you fake sighed, just to piss him off. “okayyyyyy….”

“good. now, go take a nap or some shit. i love you, kid.”

“love you too, dadza.” this time, your words didn’t feel forced. the smile on your face wasn’t violating, but an invitation to better times. it would be alright. okay.

#mcyt x reader #mcyt x reader angst #philza x reader

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thefactsofthematter · 3 years ago

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tell us about how spot and race’s lives turn out from ur recent fic! (also love ur writing keep up the good work!)

i’m glad u asked dear anon! (and tysm!!)

so i didn’t include any of this in the actual fic bc i wanted readers to draw their own conclusions about what happened, but here’s how i see things going down! it’s a little long since it’s pretty much an entire epilogue spanning their whole lives, so buckle in lol

(i really did try to put this under the cut but tumblr mobile isn’t cooperating and i don’t feel like turning my computer on rn. sorry folks.)

- race’s mental health is pretty rocky for a while immediately after the story ends— he gets a lot of people checking up on him, thinking breaking up with spot was one of his impulsive, manic decisions, and the fact that so many people are questioning his mental state sends him spiralling a little. the stress gets his symptoms to worsen (mania, more persistent and disturbing hallucinations/delusions), especially bad now that he lives alone, and he ends up checking himself into a psych ward after a few months of secretly struggling and pretending to be okay.

- this gets spot to worry immensely when he finds out: they’ve got enough mutual friends that they’re still in the same circles, and now that the initial hurt of the breakup is waning, he’s got a renewed but purely friendly love for race. he doesn’t quite feel ready to see him in person, but he sends flowers to the hospital with a very sweet note, to let race know he’s thinking about him <3

- in the longer term, race gets more stable, finishes his phd, and works his way back up to being more independent, but realizes that he doesn’t trust himself to live alone— he lives with crutchie for a while, and then meets albert through some mutual friends in his early 30s, and they start dating! they live their double-income-no-kids-not-married fantasy for a good while; neither of them are necessarily rich, but they’re stable enough to be able to travel lots and see the world. they’re not quite madly in love, but they make each other pretty happy, and they only separate (after almost a decade together) when albert gets a job offer somewhere across the world— race doesn’t want to move, but al wants to take the job, so they have a very amicable split with an agreement that race will come visit someday.

- in the meantime, spot never does land another long term relationship, but he adopts as a single parent, just like medda adopted him and jack. he raises three kids in a hipster little suburb just outside the city and does his very best— just like race had predicted, he’s an amazing dad. he doesn’t really worry about romance, perfectly content with his little family. he and race keep in touch— the common link usually being jack, as spot’s brother and race’s best friend, who invites them to all his family functions and whatnot. even while race is dating albert, spot isn’t particularly jealous, since he now sees race’s point about their very different ideas for the future much clearer. he’s happy where he’s at, and he’s glad race is happy doing his own thing. they still make very good friends, at the end of the day.

- BUT!!! it’s only when one of spot’s kids starts really struggling with mental health that sprace start growing a little closer— his sixteen year-old daughter is diagnosed with bipolar disorder, so spot’s immediate reaction is to call race up for some insight. race ends up being a really great mentor for her, sharing his coping strategies and giving her someone to relate to, so by consequence, he spends a lot more time with the conlons. spot’s kids are older now, his youngest just starting high school, so he’s finally able to step out of spending every waking minute focusing on being a dad— he’s got a little more time for his own adult relationships.

- cue a couple years of sprace very slowly falling back in love with each other but being too nervous to say it… until spot’s youngest finally asks “so is he, like, our stepdad now? he’s here every other day, and you look at him like you’ve got a crush.” this is enough of a kick in the ass to get him to actually talk to race, who confesses that if spot will have him, he’d really like to get back together. they do, and it’s finally right. they’re well into their forties, but race is at a point where settling into spot’s chiller life feels good, and spot is ready to start stepping back out of his comfort zone now that his kids are pretty much independent, so they can finally balance each other out the way they used to.

- they get married eventually!!! spot couldn’t bear to part with the ring from the first time around, so he re-proposes once they’ve been back together for a while (“my old-ass knees don’t appreciate me getting down like this, so you better say yes this time”) and they have a sweet little backyard wedding, mostly organized by spot’s kids. they’re in their fifties by then, but they’re even more in love than they were in college <333

#this could really be its own fic if i were to flesh it out #but i kinda like it in bullet points. nice and concise.#my writing #<- i don’t usually put bullet point stuff in that tag but bc this has so much to it i feel like it belongs #anon #sprace #racetrack higgins #spot conlon

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reisabrisingr · 6 years ago

Text

My thoughts on the Dean Ambrose situation.

I may be wrong, but this just doesn’t make sense to me. I’ve been a wrestling fan too long to believe that WWE would announce that Deans contract isn’t getting renewed.

WWE has never done this in recent years, even going back to last year when Neville walked out and left his contract to expire, we all knew yet WWE never announced it until it did.

Just last night on Raw it looked like we were going to potentially see a storyline building between Hunter and Dean. Dean has given so much to this company, up until last year Dean was the one on the main roster who had competed in the most matches.(house shows,TV and PPV’s)

Dean has done almost everything there is in WWE, except win a rumble and headline Wrestlemania. He was the first member of the shield to become a grand slam champion and the longest reigning US champion.

WWE has been booked around Ambrose,Reigns and Rollins. It’s obvious that those three guys are who the McMahon’s can call upon and are always on TV. They’ve always been sure to call on those guys and make sure that they aren’t forgotten.

There’s always been so much hype between the three shield guys. Dean is a multiple IC champion and multiple tag champ. He’s held the US title, money in the bank contract and WWE championship.

He’s a part of the most popular stable of this century, if not the entirety of the WWE.

He’s gained two lifelong friends,his brothers and his wife from this company, and when the shield was coming up they had control in what the shield was gonna do.

I just don’t see how in 7 years, Dean doesn’t have more control now than then.

We all know Dean is so intelligent when it comes to his charector.

Yeah, this recent run from October has been shitty. But how in three months could he just decide to leave? Why not just sit down and talk to Vince and explain how he’s feeling? If it was a simple character change or more character control he was wanting, do you not think Vince would do that to keep one of his top guys? Of course he would. Someone like Zack Ryder or Curt Hawkins(ily boys) I don’t think he would. But fucking Dean Ambrose? Of course he would. The guy is a top draw and part of The Shield.

Deans spoken before about how he’s glad he got out of the Indy’s because of what his Moxley charector had to go through just to be Mox and how he couldn’t do that now.

I think this is a work, especially because of what happened on Raw last night, with him getting in Hunters face and just being ruthless and not caring. Then the potential pipe bomb that was cut off by Nia Jax.

If Dean was going to throw a pipe bomb and stayed in the ring longer than he was meant to, they would’ve sent Nia out during commercial or he would’ve cut one during commercial.

WWE wouldn’t have announced him leaving so soon, espically with Wrestlemania coming up where they need their top guys to build storylines around and sell tickets. Out of WWE’s main roster, their top draws are Becky, Daniel, AJ and Charlotte. On Raw it’s Seth,Dean, Roman, Finn, Ronda and Brock.

Ronda and Brock are draws for the casual fans. The ones who just tune in because they know who they are.

There’s Roman, who unfortunately can’t be a mania this year and potentially next. He was the face of the company and will be again. I want my big dog back more than ever.

There’s Daniel who everyone loves, because how can you hate the guy? He was everyones number one for so long. Hell, the evil vegan is even starting to get over.

There’s Charlotte,Finn and AJ who people love just for their pure wrestling ability and how well they work in the ring.

There’s Becky and Seth, who rn is everyone’s favourite, they’re at the top of their games and are getting that treatment or else fans would riot.

Then there’s Dean, the guy who has fought and fought and fought for his entire life, to get to where he is. Who was hooked on drugs and lost his first chance at the WWE because of it, then he changed up his act. He shouldn’t have made it, but he did. The WWE gave him that chance and he proved everyone wrong. The fans love him.

WWE would be silly to loose him and to announce it on social media where everyone knows, espically with All Elite Wrestling just being announced. It’d be like Vince just being like,”there’s one of my top guys, go take him.” He isn’t that stupid.

I think it’s a work, I think it’s leading up to Dean bringing out more mox, where he doesn’t care who he hurts, who he insults, he’s telling the truth and he’s gonna fight for what he wants.

Like him saying to HHH,”you didn’t believe in him back in Florida when we were riding in a $500 car. You just thought he was some hot shot, but I believed in him!” Hello, why would this new Dean charector admit to believing in Seth when he’s meant to hate his guts? When he demanded a match from Hunter and when he seen hunter walking away, just to follow him threw the ropes and be like,”Do you need to ask for permission from your father in law?” Dude, that’s totally just to get a reaction from Hunter and to wind Hunter up. It’s a typical feud starter what they did.

I think this is leading up to something at Mania, I think it’s to somehow bring out more of the Dean we know Jon can create and portray. Why would he give up 8 years with a company over 3 months of a character he doesn’t like? It doesn’t make sense.

I think their plan is to get rid of this Dean that’s a germaphobe by introducing more pipe bombs, more attitude towards athourity figures and just beating the shit out of people. Cause what are they gonna do? Suspend him? Fire him? Dude will be “leaving” before mania so what’s the point?

I think they’re going with the storyline of Dean Ambrose being pissed he doesn’t get what he deserves, he’s been treated like dirt and always been a third when it comes to Seth and Roman. Vince has always believed in Roman, HHH’s first NXT baby is Seth and Hunter will always have Seth’s back. Hunter was the reason Dean lost the shield the first time around. And he never got the pay back for that. Seth and Roman have both versed HHH at Mania, why not have Dean do it as well.

They said they were bringing in a new era into WWE, what better way to do it then have it feel more real by having Dean Ambrose of all people cutting loose and being Mox? To have a hardcore match at Mania against the creator of the attitude era and the guy who we all wish could’ve been a part of it.

What if it’s just a way for WWE to slowly say goodbye to the PG era by having Hunter and a more ruthless Ambrose going one on one at Mania?

I just, i don’t think WWE would announce it so soon. Especially with a star like dean.

I could be in denial, but I won’t believe this until I see it with my own two eyes.

I don’t think Dean would show up in another wrestling company either, he’s far too loyal for that shit.

Also, adding this in because idgaf and my shield heart called for it. Do you really think he’d give up his wrestling soulmate and best friend, his brothers? They’ve got an unbreakable bond. They’ve all said when they retire from wrestling they wanna do it together in a last shield triple threat. That’s how much they care about each other, they joined the main roster together and want to leave it together.

They’re the boys who all held the wwe title on the same night,I just don’t see this bond being broken because of something as little as a charecters development.

#Dean Ambrose #roman reigns #seth rollins #HHH #I could be wrong #i hope im not #cause i dont wanna loose my baby #nicola rambles

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ontheavalanche · 7 years ago

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As someone with BPD, I struggle a lot with headcanons of Kent Parson with BPD.

Bc on the one hand, I really enjoy people taking the time to research BPD and crafting versions of Kent Parson that are complicated yet respectful and highlighting a disorder that imho isn’t spoken about nearly enough + a lot of thought and effort goes into taking mentally ill characters and fleshing them out with words. Plus I’ve seen some well composed stuff from people who do have BPD and get what it’s like and make wonderfully relatable versions of BPD!Parse and I don’t want to downplay those at all.

But at the same time, I noticed a lot of what happens is that people paint Kent Parson as this guy that’s been really manipulative and can say and do things that are emotionally abusive or just make him all impulsive but then be all like oh he’s like that because he has BPD so it’s okay.

And that’s bad for multiple reasons—the first one being ofc that you can’t excuse manipulative, emotionally abusive, or any other kind of shitty behaviors just bc the person acting that way is mentally ill. The second is that people with Borderline Personality Disorder are generally not like that???? That’s a really harmful stereotype of what people with BPD are like and it’s been perpetuated a lot in various types of media and even within medical and mental health communities.

Anyways, I’m p sure I personally won’t be able to read any fics with BPD!Parson unless they’re personally recommend to me, but I will throw a few things out there that I haven’t seen in BPD!Parse fics but that are common amongst people with BPD. (Please keep in mind that these are based on my own experiences and experiences of other people I know who have BPD—as with any mental health issue, it can manifest very differently depending on the person and not everyone with have experienced all of these):

Manic episodes!!!!! (I feel it’s important to note that often times you won’t realize you’re Manic until you’re peeking. And tbh a lot of times you don’t realize it at all, especially if you don’t have experience recognizing those feelings. Also I’ve noticed that with people with BPD that are more on the consistently manic side will not notice their mania because while manic episodes are intense, if you’re used to them it feels totally normal to feel that way all the time. You might not notice it’s a thing until it gets pointed out by an outsider or unless you get a really really bad one or end up hospitalized)

After a manic episode, you might Crash—a sort of Mania Hangover, if you will. Sometimes it can be a full blow depressive episode, sometimes it’s just a need for sleep or maybe releasing a few hard earned tears. (Or if you’re one of those people that’s kind of Perpetually Manic or going through a manic phase, maybe you won’t even Crash, you’ll just slide into another episode like whatislife amiright??)

If not full blown mania, then mood swings!!!! So many mood swings!!!!! They’re intense and sometimes they last a few hours and sometimes they last a few days. People with BPD have intense emotions, highs and lows and you can on occasion get several in the span of an hour or two.

A chronic feeling of emptiness (I’m thinking of Parse feeling empty n wow that hurts so bad doesn’t it?)

Reckless, impulsive, or dangerous behaviors, often thought of as a result of trying to fill that emptiness or during feelings of mania or anger or mood swings. (This can manifest as shopping sprees, sex, substance abuse, binge eating, etc).

Viewing things in black and white—often times things and feelings are perceived as either totally Good or totally Bad, with little to nothing in between. It’s easy to distort your point of view to make it so that everything fits in those categories. This is a defense mechanism and is often referred to as “Splitting” or all-or-nothing thinking.

The Good/Bad POV//defense mechanism also and especially applies toward people and while logically you might know people are multifaceted and want to recognize that people can be both good and bad, sometimes it can be really hard not to look at people and subconsciously be like “okay are you a hero or a villain, a protagonist or an antagonist, do I love you or hate you” (idealization vs devaluation)

In the BPD community, many people have something called an FP (a Favorite Person)—this is a person you’ve formed an emotional dependency on that can quite literally make or break your day with the slightest provocation. Frankly, this is kind of difficult to talk about so I recommend skimming this article. Basically, you devolve intense feelings for a person (be it romantic or platonic) and when they give you attention or when you view their actions as positive, it’s like you’re happier than you’ve ever been but if you view something they did or said as a negative towards you (even if it wasn’t their intention), suddently your mood plummets so badly that you might feel physically pained or enter a major depressive episode or feel suicidal. (Not everyone has or has had an FP, but if you have one and they reject you and the relationship between the two of you is over, it can feel kind of like a soulmate au gone bad in which you gotta break this Profound Bond and it feels like you’re shattering. Not impossible to get over but you’ll be kind of broken for a while, or maybe just a little cracked forever.) ((Was Jack Zimmermann Kent’s FP???? Who knows, just don’t think about it))

While obviously relationships with people can often be intense and sometimes unstable, it doesn’t mean everyone is regarded with the same level of intensity and it doesn’t mean people with BPD don’t also have normal and healthy relationships and friendships. It truthfully depends on the person. Sometimes all relationships are affected, and sometimes it’s just one.

Disassociation—this can range from depersonalization (feeling disconnected from your body), derealization (feeling disconnected from reality), amnesia (lost time), and identity confusion (losing self).

Speaking of identity—people with BPD struggle with their self-image, and yes sometimes they will distort how they view themselves to fit their mood. I often see this brought up in fics in regards to Kent Parson as either having extreme narcissism or with an extremely low self worth. While those two things aren’t generally out of the realm of possibility, most of the time when it comes to people with BPD and their identity it’s more like they’re lost???? Idk how to describe it but amongst people with BPD, it’s common to feel like you don’t know who the real you is, or like there is no real you and you’re just made up of other people. It’s because sometimes we latch onto the habits and obsessions of others, of our friends and loved ones, and they become our habits and our obsessions, and sometimes realizing this can push you into a bit of an identity crisis????? (Does anyone have a way to put this into English that makes sense bc I’m doing my best here but I Suck soooo) EDIT: the word for it is “Identity Disturbance” and it’s A Big Thing

Seemingly unprovoked bursts of anger and irritability are not uncommon

A lot of people with BPD have abandonment issues. Be it real or imagined abandonment, many of us try to avoid feeling that kind (or any kind) of rejection, even if it means we’re the ones doing the rejecting first. I see this well represented in fics but it’s very dragged out. (Truthfully, imho people with BPD can kinda suck at rejecting people, like we’ll wanna do it so that you don’t do it to us but we can’t quite execute it all that well and when we do we try not to dwell on it.)

I have noticed in BPD!Parse fics, most of the time he has a healthy sense of distrust towards people and their intentions and that’s pretty accurate although sometimes it’s the exact opposite—you might trust too much or too quickly if you consider them Good.

Major depressive episodes are not at all uncommon. (I apologize bc I don’t think I’m going to be able to put in as much detail about this rn bc tbh I’m running on the Manic side lately and when I’m more manic I tend to forget what it’s like to feel depressed or just how those feelings come about until I get hit with a wave of them and then I just wallow.)

Self-harm and suicidal thoughts are not uncommon either, even if you aren’t going through a depressive episode or feeling sad. (An unfortunate percentage of people with BPD die from suicide.)

Some people experience intrusive thoughts or some form of psychosis (if I’m not mistaken the term “borderline” actually comes from an antiquated thought that people with BPD are “borderline psychotic” and so some places no longer use the term “borderline personality disorder” and rather call it an emotional intensity disorder or an “emotionally unstable personality disorder”—bc the latter is totally much better)

Looooots of anxiety, I don’t think in the same way you see in an anxiety disorder??? (I have both so it’s hard for me to describe and separate the two but from what I’ve heard, for people that don’t have an anxiety disorder but do have BPD, it can come in bouts, kind of like manic and depressive episodes but just anxiety and none of the high or low feelings????)

Trouble sleeping is common with people with BPD

Paranoia

A majority of the time, people with BPD also have other disorders such a depression, anxiety, substance abuse, eating disorders, or other personality disorders that coexist with your BPD.

And the last thing: if you’re reading this list and thinking “huh this sounds more like what I’ve read about bipolar disorder rather than borderline personality disorder” then the reason for it is bc the way bipolar disorder is presented in media is often similar to the reality of what it’s like to have BPD (and similarly there is so much more to bipolar disorder that is not presented in media accurately). The two can be very similar from an outsider’s point of view but to put it in oversimplified terms—people with BPD have more persistent day-to-day symptoms that impact them 24/7 whereas someone with bipolar disorder can go through periods of symptom-free wellness for days, weeks, or even years before falling into say a major manic episode. Our mood swings and episodes are also shorter and tend to run on patterns or are a direct reaction to life’s typical stressors—we can have multiple mood swings and episodes within a single day, whereas folks with bipolar disorder have seemingly no warning before an episode that can last months. Also while any form of mental illness (particularly ones that have to do with mania or delusions or hallucinations) can impact your relationship with people, typically people with bipolar disorder don’t have the same problems with interpersonal relationships like people with BPD do. (I hope I don’t sound like I’m “down selling” bipolar disorder or anything, truthfully I’m just not knowledgeable enough to feel comfortable speaking on it but I do know that these are some of the differences between the two and that BPD and bipolar disorder are often misdiagnosed as each other.)

Anyways y’all, BPD is a really serious disorder. Most of the time we’re people that are considered high functioning because it’s a disorder that affects emotions and relationships and sometimes that only seemingly affects our personal and social lives and not our professional or academic lives.

We’re typecast as dramatic and manipulative and attention seekers. I’d personally argue that we aren’t (for the most part) but our behavior can get really poor and we can feel desperate and enslaved by our emotions. We can’t really help it but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t hold us accountable if we act horribly. The point of this is just that if you want to write about this disorder or cast a character with it, try to understand beyond what you’ve seen or heard portrayed by people who don’t have to live with it.

BPD is usually treated with cognitive behavioral therapy but it’s not at all uncommon to have medication as treatment of some of your symptoms or to be hospitalized for it. Personally I used to be on antipsychotics to help stabilize my moods and it was good but not a cure-all, of course. There is no cure for BPD.

This post is also known as: stop writing Kent Parson as an angsty piece of shit 2k18. I might accept BPD!Parse fics if he’s super excited and manic and forms intense bonds with people and doesn’t want to let them go but also BPD sucks so don’t romanticize it too much but also hello I love Kent Parson

#wow this was supposed to be like a paragraph or two max #im just literally crazy yall im kind of manic rn and this just happened #i might delete this later idk its embarassing n kinda personal #kent parson #bpd #borderline personality disorder #actually borderline #actually bpd #bpd kent parson #mental health #fandom #long post #sorry yall

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