#especially when some phrases literally trigger me and make me feel bad

[brokenrefraction]

am i a bad person if i physically am not able to help people who straight up tell me they want to kill themselves when i'm desperately trying to heal myself and trying to not spiral and even telling them that

[itsclydebitches]

Hazbin Hotel: Let's Talk About Cursing!

Trigger warning for lots of cursing in this post (obviously) and discussion of canon abuse scenes

As I delve further into the Hazbin Hotel fandom, I’ve inevitably come across a variety of people who dislike the show for an equal variety of reasons. One criticism I’ve seen with some consistency is in regards to the cursing and yeah, I get it. That’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. However, the repeated claim that the cursing is only there as a—failed—attempt at bad, lazy humor got me thinking about why I personally liked the cursing, and why I think it serves a greater purpose in the show.

Now yes, some of the cursing does function as an arguably simplistic joke. The most common setup I’ve noticed is one that leans into a contrast in tone/personalities. We see this a lot with the polite, comparatively timid Charlie as she navigates her distinctly vulgar domain.

Charlie: “Hi, mister!” Demon: “Go fuck yourself!”

The entirety of “Happy Day in Hell” plays with this contrast, setting up Charlie’s slightly skewed, but significantly optimistic perspective of Hell. We are shown again and again how her lyrics are contradicted or twisted into something less innocent through the visuals: a “revealing” street where it’s “hard not to stare” has BDSM going on in a nearby window, Charlie will “open the door” for her people and then literally does so... for a guy who’s already dead. (Or, you know, temporarily out of commission until he heals, or whatever demons do when they’re ‘killed’ by things other than angelic steel.) The entire point here is to contrast the happy, skipping girl claiming that there’s a “warm, fuzzy feeling” in the air with the actual environment of unchecked fires and decaying limbs. And yes, that can be amusing. Not necessarily for everyone as humor is highly subjective and dependent on context, but distilling this contrast down to the shock of a polite greeting getting a “Go fuck yourself!” in response is a kind of entertainment. Especially when Charlie’s reaction adds another layer: for me that’s a very funny—and currently relatable—expression.

We can potentially make the case that this humor format overstays its welcome, but I personally think the show does a good job of keeping Charlie’s cursing both simple and comparatively rare, so that when she is put into these contrast situations the humor lands better. The best example I can think of in the latter half of the show is Susan. There we get the whiplash of polite, trying-to-get-these-people-to-like-her Charlie reaching a breaking point to become “FUCK YOU, YOU OLD BITCH” Charlie. It’s a moment that builds off of the earlier surprise of the courteous Alastor calling someone an “Ornery old bitch”—while Rosie is trying (and failing) to find a nicer way to phrase this.

However, as stated above I think the cursing serves more of a purpose than to just be funny for (some) viewers. Beyond those who simply find cursing distasteful, I’ve seen a fair bit of, ��This is so stupid. No one even talks like that!” going around.

Except... I do? I talk like that.

See, I like cursing. I was born to former hippie parents and grew up playing MMOs, so cursing was something I became pretty acclimated to. Personally, I’m glad I was because I’m fascinated by language and cursing—for better or worse—is an integral way that many people communicate. I was taught to see cursing not as the Bad Forbidden Thing You Must Never Ever Do, but rather as just another form of expression, something to be used in moderation and under specific circumstances. Once I became an adult I already understood how I wanted to curse and when it was appropriate to do so. People at work are often shocked when I tell them I curse a lot because no, of course I’m not doing that at my job. That isn't considered professional in this space. Among my friends though?

We can sound a lot like the Hazbin crew.

Undoubtedly the most common curse in the show is “fuck” and its variations, which very much tracks with my personal experience among other people who curse. In fact, it’s so ubiquitous that it barely counts as a curse at all in some groups. It’s more of an easy, accepted way to add emphasis. Vaggie’s “What the fuck was that?” about Alastor’s commercial is a perfect example. She’s pissed and simply saying “What was that?” doesn’t carry the same weight, no matter how angry she may sound when she says it. Vox’s long “Fuuuuuuuck” at the end of “Stayed Gone” conveys an emotion you just can’t capture any other way. No dialogue at all would create a fundamentally different experience of Vox’s feelings and another non-cursing response is just gonna hit different. Not necessarily bad, just different.

“I don’t want to go to the party!” “I don’t want to go to the freaking party!” “I don’t want to go to the fucking party!”

The above represents three distinct characters to me and I think Hazbin Hotel gets that. Cursing isn’t thrown around randomly because something something cursing supposedly sells; it’s all linguistically logical. Characters curse when something surprising or bad happens, or when something unexpectedly good happens, when they’re angry, trying to be sexy, or they want to add that emphasis. That’s a lot of different situations where cursing can be useful and when you use “fuck” in your daily life a lot you become pretty desensitized to it. As said, for many it’s barely a curse at all. Which means that when you really want to curse you’ve got to up the ante. It doesn’t surprise me one bit that the two uses of “cunt” I can recall—a word that is generally considered far worse than “fuck” and makes a lot of people understandably uncomfortable—is used by two of the worst characters in moments that are meant to horrify the viewer:

Adam: “Can’t wait a whole year to slaughter those little cunts / I know it’s just been a week, but we’ll be back in six months!” Valentino: “When I say you’d better get that fucking cunt out of my studio, you say...?”

This horror is especially emphasized in Valentino’s scene. The creators know this word is coming up and deliberately build towards it. Angel is currently being abused and has been reminded that Valentino “owns” him. The above question is a part of a trio that Valentino asks (a standard structure in writing), wherein the third option is the outlier/most shocking of the three. The animation leans into that shock, with the music building and Valentino grabbing Angel to pull him close right on the word “cunt.” Perez even puts emphasis there because he knows that this is a significant word that will change our understanding of Valentino.

Despite having hit Angel multiple times and taunting him with the contract, this is the moment Valentino stops playing the ‘nice’ employer. This is the real him. No more fake compliments and endearments aimed at Charlie, no more fake comfort/intimacy aimed at Angel. That “cunt” conveys a hell of a lot about how Valentino really sees them and when you have a cast of characters who are already cursing on the regular, it takes a word on that level to do that kind of work. If Valentino had said, “get that fucking bitch out of my studio” it wouldn’t have had nearly the same impact because he’s the kind of guy who uses "bitch" even when playing ‘nice.’

Adam’s line from “Hell is Forever” does very similar work. The scene needs a word to align with the horrific reveal that another extermination is just six months away, that conveys Adam’s deep disgust for Charlie’s people, and that still catches the viewer’s attention even though he’s the character (I believe) who curses the most. Here the music drops and Adam is a little closer to speaking than singing; there's this shift because, like with Valentino, our perception of him is shifting. This isn’t just some egotistical idiot who wants to be called “Dick Master,” he’s the leader of an army coming to gleefully kill them. Framing a whole world of people—people Charlie loves—as “cunts” while treating their murder as a holiday that can’t come soon enough creates an, 'Oh shit. This guy is actually a threat' understanding that you can’t quite get with anything else.

On a smaller scale, cursing does other character work throughout the whole show. I watched a number of cursing compilation vids for this meta (that was a trip lol) and again, cursing is not thrown in randomly. Each character has a unique way of cursing that aligns with their personality and motivations:

As said, Adam curses the most in the show which helps sell his truly over-the-top, irreverent personality. Linguistically, the amount he curses also allows for some fun grammatical play. Lines like, “Fucking love putting my name on shit, shit’s the best!” help convey the versatility of cursing.

Also as said, Charlie curses a fair bit but she’s comparatively polite and her cursing tends to be a result of genuinely big emotions—like saying “Crap” when she’s shocked and falls, or “Shit!” when Adam locks her out of the room—rather than sprinkled into her conversations as a modifier. That leaves space to create those moments of amused surprise when Charlie really let’s loose.

Sr Pentious curses even less than Charlie which fits his secretly gooey center. He talks a big game at the start of the show, but he’s actually quite bad at being, well, bad (especially the Amazon version compared to pilot!Pentious). His idea of getting one over on Alastor is ripping a bit of his coat. He loves his Egg Bois and “doesn’t want to live” without them. He has no desire to go into battle without minions/a big machine to hide behind and, of course, he’s the first to be redeemed. He's too much of a secret sweetheart to curse a lot.

Interestingly, Niffty doesn’t seem to curse at all. At least, not enough for me to think of examples off the top of my head. Right now I’m inclined to read that as an extension of her lived experiences/design—the cute 1950’s housewife archetype who is obsessed with keeping things clean doesn’t [gasp!] curse—as well as a way to maintain her legitimate creep factor. As said, cursing is common among the hotel residents and is a way for them to linguistically fit in. Niffty, however, is positioned more as an outsider (despite how much they all obviously love her): she’s actually scary in a way most demons aren’t and despite how weird this whole world is, she stands out as someone no one else can make sense of (even Alastor). If cursing is normal, Niffty is a character who is decidedly positioned as not normal.

Angel curses a fair bit, though his irreverence is conveyed more through innuendos. Angel is great at verbally twisting others’ words (especially Husk’s) to give himself a conversational advantage:

Husk: “Go fuck yourself” Angel: “Only if you watch me~”

Husk: “You’ve come—” Angel: [very loud orgasm noise] Husk: “...to the right place.”

Meanwhile, Husk uses “fuck” plenty, but he’s also one of the few characters who use “bullshit" too. I wouldn’t say there’s anything particularly revealing about that choice, but just giving him a go-to curse that’s otherwise used infrequently helps make his character distinct in a cast of other cursing characters.

Vaggie occasionally curses in Spanish, showing us her heritage if she used to be human, or a distinct knowledge/verbal preference if she’s always been an angel.

Heaven, as the ‘good’ side, doesn’t curse as a general rule, which leaves room for cursing to do more of that silent character work. We’re reminded of the stuffy, overly critical beings she’s dealing with when Charlie receives the combined judgement of the court for saying, “Fuck yeah!” In contrast, we understand just how shocked St. Peter is to see a Morningstar when he lets out an unintentional “Fuck!” The angry vindication of Charlie’s “That’s what the fuck I’ve been saying!” lands harder after multiple scenes of very little cursing, and Lute’s “Some crack-whore who fucked up already? / He blew his shot like the cocks in his mouth—” helps set her apart as an exorcist + Adam's second in command: her shocking violence comes through in her word choice too; words that supposedly don't belong in Heaven.

In what’s arguably the funniest line in the whole show, Lucifer undermines his dramatic standoff with Adam by going, “You mess with my daughter and now I’m going to fuck you.” Beyond just cutting the tension, that fits his bumbling, oblivious personality perfectly. Lucifer is crazy powerful and can absolutely wreck Adam. He also has none of the classy intimidation that, say, Alastor displays when he tries to convey that. This is a depressed himbo who makes ducks in his free time and settles on, “Hey, bitch!” when greeting his estranged daughter. Of course he’s going to accidentally turn a threat into a promise of sex.

Which finally brings me to Alastor, someone whose cursing is already understood well by the fandom. He’s characterized as manipulatively courteous, using manners to both hide his true nature and draw attention to his power—’You’re so beneath me I’ll just calmly sip my coffee and politely ask who you are, despite the fact that we've fought multiple times.’ This is a guy who calls people “My dear” and unironically insults them with the phrase “wacky nonsense.” So when he curses you can BET it’s gonna have an impact. It sure did for me. I had to pause the episode after Alastor’s first “Fuck you” because it was so shocking to hear that language from him. And that’s the point! The scene wants that reaction from the audience. The "Fuck you"s visceral anger contrasting the fake laughs he and Lucifer have been giving, the quick-fire exchange that’s suddenly cut short by Alastor’s choice of a direct insult, the fact that he’s officially dropping the polite veneer they’ve both been indulging in and raising the stakes before Charlie intervenes, the loss of the radio filter that otherwise demonstrates his control over a situation... all of it screams, ‘THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CHARACTER MOMENT.’

"Fuck you” reveals that, for the first time in the show, Alastor is legitimately threatened by someone. Which makes sense given that, you know, Lucifer is the King of Hell. Cursing for Alastor isn’t normal, so when he does curse it’s going to reveal something about a guy who otherwise is obsessed with being unknowable. Having the King of Hell dismiss him is actually infuriating in a way Sir Pentious’ threats could never be and the exchange kicks off a rivalry that rattles Alastor in ways Vox’s never has. (Side note: is it any wonder people ship them? Character A making control freak Character B feel vulnerable is classic!) It’s no surprise to me than that the one other true curse we get from Alastor is, “I’m about to end your fucking life,” delivered to Adam who, like Lucifer, poses a legitimate threat and does end up beating him. I say “true” curse because calling Susan a “bitch” does similar work for him, but the takeaway is humorous rather than dramatic. It’s funny that the only people who can piss Alastor off enough to curse are the First Man/a powerful exorcist angel threatening his life, the literal King of Hell... and Susan.

So there’s a lot going on here, more than what many viewers might assume if they approach the show as just “stupid,” needlessly vulgar entertainment. As shown above, I don’t think the cursing is needless, especially given that, well... they’re in Hell. They’re sinners, supposedly the worst that humanity has to offer, so of course they're going to curse a lot. Does cursing mean you’re a bad person? No. Can you craft a hellish world that doesn't rely on cursing to convey a group's immoral nature? Sure.

Does it make sense that a writer would equate a sinful, irreverent cast with linguistic rebellion and would want to convey a certain vibe that, frankly, you just can’t get without dropping an F bomb?

Yeah, I think so. No one has to like that kind of creative decision, but it’s worth acknowledging it as a deliberate choice.

That’s all! Thanks for reading this fucking long post ✌️

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

hi, do you have suggestions for what kinds of thing to look for when looking for community food resources? i'm assuming not food banks, since those are the most affected by things like food shipment freezes? (i'm asking from the perspective of someone who can't do manual labor, which probably is different than someone physically abled since there's "grow your own" and "swap labor time for produce at a farm program" as options, but i'm sure some insight into how to find those options would also help for readers who do manual labor themselves and i'm not opposed to hearing about those as well. there's a pretty good manual-labor-for-produce program at a farm in my town, i've often wished they had stuff a full-time wheelchair user could benefit from because it's really cool!)

I get a lot of asks like this that seem to be trying to ask for advice about what they can do, but it is ALWAYS and EXCLUSIVELY framed from the perspective of the "can'ts" they have clearly already dismissed as possibilities before ever reaching out to me. This is. Becoming increasingly difficult to be patient with. Especially when there is an air of defensiveness to it where you already seem to know that the answers I will give are answers you will not interact with, even if you are, as you say, willing to hear about them.

I am having a hard time answering this question without becoming unreasonable to you, Anon, and I'm really going to try and manage that reaction in myself, but I need people to understand something.

Right now, there is a wheel chair parked in our garage near the car. This is because I have been reliant on it off and on for going on five years now. Right now as I type this I am dressed in three layers of high-compression medical garments so that it is AT ALL possible for me to even SIT UPRIGHT let alone stand. I am due for an infusion I cannot afford because my hypovolemia and malabsorption issues are so bad. These are not new issues for me, and I have struggled with them to some extent my entire life. I will struggle with them until I die.

Please hear me when I say that people like us are taught to minimize and sabotage our own capacity at every opportunity, rare tho they may legitimately be. It will NEVER benefit you to assert that you are unilaterally incapable of a term like "manual labor" which is a phrase so broad as to be meaningless in this context. I have harvested crops while wheelchair bound, I've known construction workers who couldn't walk without crutches and canes. I've known practically nothing but other disabled people my entire life, and I cannot convey to you how it makes me feel to read this ask. This is not a criticism of you anon. Certainly disability definitionally limits us in ways that disrupt our lives. But there is a pervasive and frightened helplessness in how this ask feels to read that sets my teeth on edge as someone who is painfully familiar with the way disabled people are subjugated, disempowered, and erased from community.

Anon I don't know how to answer your question. You haven't told me what you CAN do or even what you're INTERESTED in doing. I don't even fully understand whether you are asking me for advice on how to volunteer or on how to access food aid programs and the two answers are wildly different. You have spent so much time describing assumptions that would take paragraphs for me to explain how irrelevant and incorrect they are, and framed them AS your question, so I literally cannot answer this without saying things like "You Can Do Manual Labor If You Are Disabled" [true but out of context is absolutely laughably untrue and difficult to ensure context is not lost around] or "What Do You Mean You Assume Food Banks Being Most Affected By The Freezes Means You Shouldn't Use Or Work With Them???" [Condescending, likely to trigger defensiveness, but seriously I have NO IDEA where you got this idea or how to explain why it's wrong given the circumstances], or even "You Are Talking About Yourself In Ways That I And Many Other Disabled People Have Resisted As Oppressive Infantilization For Decades And Trying To Have This Conversation Makes Me Feel Like Armand In The Birdcage When His Son Asks Him to Go Back In The Closet For A Night So He Can Avoid Confronting His In-Laws' Bigotry" [true, my feelings on this are not your fault and you should not have to be accountable for them, but the grief and rage are hard to swallow, even when I can see how hard you are trying to have this conversation yourself. Like Armand, time will pass and I will settle into the reality that loving others means swallowing my own pain sometimes and being there for them in ways that are hard on me. This is one of those times. It is worthwhile to me to do. But I can still hear the last words Armand and Val say to each other when Armand finally gives in. "I love you Val, please don't talk to me for a while". I love you Val, but what you have asked of me is almost more pain than I can bear and just because I love you enough to do this for you doesn't mean I have forgiven you for asking.]. You may notice that none of these are helpful things to say, for you OR me Anon.

So. Let's get down to brass tacks. When I was growing up, we were poor enough that my mother often struggled to keep us fed and housed. Here are the ways she taught me to cope with this:

Grow your own. My mom grew tea flowers, edible cactus, and kitchen herbs in tiny standing pots in our driveway. When all you have is beans and rice, a nice kit of dried herbs can help you keep the recipes varied more easily. You can use window boxes, grow tents, or even indoor hydroponics stands to grow herbs, edible flowers, and even some fruits like tomatoes and strawberries. Many of these smaller scale growing set ups are perfectly manageable from a wheel chair as long as the stands, sills, or tablea your pots are set on are accessible to you from your chair. You do not need to be able to do the most intense version of a thing for it to be worth doing and not everyone will need/be able to build a greenhouse and drying racks like I am doing. There is still value in setting up any amount of home growth or forage you can. There were a lot of "fasting days" in our household where my mother made teas from the native honeysuckle and wildflowers and grasses because it was all she had to feed us. On days when we had nothing but our teas, she kept chewable tablets of vitamin c, fiber, and B-12 vitamins, multivits too if she could, and we popped them throughout the day to bridge the nutritional gap, and she always made sure we never did it more than 3 days in a row no matter what it took.

Barter and trade. Others will have larger gardens with bumper crops they can afford to share. You have SOMETHING to trade even if you don't think you do. And even if you don't, seed packs are cheap and can often be purchased using food stamps/ebt/snap/wic and I have supplied other farmers/gardeners with the resources to plant more in exchange for them including these crops in their existing plans and providing me with some pre-negotiated portion of it.

Food banks and food fridges are going to be under seige, yes, but please understand this Is Not New even if the scale and intensity has escalated. These programs will survive. They will continue to provide for their communities. Do not deny yourself their aid before even showing up to learn from them directly how they are tackling this period. My local food banks are still in full operation, and while they have had to reduce how many monthly pick ups a single family can make, they are still supplying about 10lbs of food per household per week, which can absolutely make or break community nourishment rates. Plus, the more service they can prove they are still offering, the easier it is for them to get funding elsewhere. No one in the mutual aid or not for profit world relies EXCLUSIVELY on government resources, even the foster care agency I worked for had two yearly funding drives and a yearly holiday gift drive to round out the financials. These programs know what efforts they'll need to ramp up to survive, but they only know HOW MUCH THEY NEED TO RAMP UP if people are actually showing up for services. Please god show up for the services.

Local, family owned, and co-op grocers and restaurants will sometimes be willing to give away the food they need to pull out of the supplies at the end of each day. When I was growing up my mom made friends with someone at every shop like this she could so they could help her ensure this happened. When I was working in grocery stocking, there was a cart we had to purge things into every single shift, and we all worked together to ensure the cart only ever had genuinely rotten or unsafe food in it. The staff all split the rest between us if it was still edible because none of us were paid enough to feed our families. When management put up cameras to find out where the purged stock was going, we made sure they were always blocked by shelving or damaged beyond functionality so that we could continue. If you know enough other people doing this at their stores, you can pool resources even further and start your own food distribution networks within the community food source employees.

Trapping and hunting isn't as difficult as you might think, and it is still legal in many places. If you're willing and able to set up a small wheel-up butchering station, you can ask people to bring you meat carcasses and butcher them in exchange for a cut of the meat or some stew bones. That way even if you aren't able to trap or hunt, you can still barter and trade a service for it.

Farmshare programs are common, and while most have a "pick your own at a discount" version of their service, most also have a crate drop off or pick up option as well, including those priced on a sliding scale for people who lack the finances to fully enroll. Check out (or have a caregiver/friend check out) local farmer's markets until they find where these programs are doing their pick up and sign up outreach.

I'm sure there are other ways to survive a USA socially-engineered famine. Other people who have their own inherited approaches for surviving subsistence lives here should prolly add theirs in the comments. My experience is limited to what I have lived through and find accessible so I may not have a full view of the options. As always though, my advice on how to get involved is to start using the service as much as you are able and little by little learn about what support and participation the program actually needs. Eventually something will turn up that works for you, at least for a while. Just keep doing that and doing the things that are feasible and moving on without guilt from the ones that aren't.

A freeze survival reaction is easy to have right now. Momentum will matter. Find yours, however it needs to look.

[flametheredwolf]

Okay I need to talk to my fellow pagans with mental disorders. Specifically about intrusive thoughts likely caused by a mixture of my OCD and Autism.

I was raised christian and that undeniably affects my intrusive thoughts. I personally follow Dionysus, Hermes, and Lucifer. (NOT TO BE EDGY. I genuinely believe in Lucifer's gift of knowledge/freedom and how [to me personally, not everyone who follows Lucifer thinks like this] he represents resistance against oppression.) And my for some fucking reason my intrusive thoughts decided that this was the best opportunity they'd ever get.

For years now, I've had recurring intrusive thoughts along the lines of, "The christian/abrahamic god and jesus is watching you.", "You are not safe! Your gods cannot protect you from the REAL god's fury!", or "OMG you just used a phrase rooted in christianity or some other abrahamic religion! You aren't a real pagan, and you have betrayed your gods! You have ESPECIALLY betrayed Lucifer!"

That last one especially hurts me because I believe that Lucifer has been with me all my life. that while it was ultimately my choice to leave christianity, he was the one that guided me there. (This conclusion was based on a multitude of life experiences that don't really relate to this post so I'm not including them) I also kinda think he brought me to paganism as well.

And what's so frustrating is that these intrusive thoughts is that *everything fucking triggers them*. I've already shared some examples already, but I want to reiterate because I don't think I made it clear enough. SIMPLE EVERYDAY PHRASES, THAT HAVE NO RELIGIOUS CONNOTATION TO NORMAL PEOPLE, (Such as "Oh my god", "Merry Christmas, Happy Easter", "My Brother/Sister in christ", "jesus fucking christ" and even shit as benign as just, "jeez".) MAKE MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ACT UP. I'll be watching some holiday special in a kids show, knowing damn well that they are going to dodge any religious stuff like the plague, and the second they say "Merry Christmas!" suddenly I have to stop and kick the holy spirit out of my room and then promptly have an argument with the wall about my beliefs and why I'm not christian.

It doesn't help that I still live with my hyper-christian mom (I don't have a choice), that blasts gospel with no warning, bans me from having an altar or, "shrine" as she called it, isn't shy about letting me know how often she prays for me, and also threw out my book on witchcraft WHICH SHE DID NOT PAY FOR, claiming, and I quote, that me having a book on witchcraft "is as bad as you having drugs" to her. I can't talk to my therapist about this either because my mom *specifically picked her out for me because she was a christian*, and contrary to popular belief, I do not find joy in insulting someone's beliefs to their face. I also live in texas. y'know, bible belt texas. I couldn't escape these triggers if I tried.

Not like it'd help, mind you, because I am currently laying in bed, fighting imaginary jesus in my bedroom, immediately after waking up. No triggers involved.

The way I usually deal with intrusive thoughts (not just the religious ones, all of them.) is by incinerating them with imaginary fire. 1. Because I like seeing the cause of my suffering burn, and 2. Because for some inexplicable reason I've always been instinctively fascinated by fire. (Heck my name is literally Flame.) This used to work fine, but only until the next trigger. Now, it barely works at all. An intrusive thought will happen and I'll have to stop whatever im doing to incinerate it multiple times, which quickly gets exhausting.

Which also leads to a new string of anxiety and paranoia, because any witch (or therapist) will tell you that your mental energy is precious, and you shouldn't waste it on negativity or things that make you feel bad. Which leads to paranoid and self-deprecating thoughts like, "Why are you spending all this energy on christian stuff when you SHOULD be learning how to communicate with your actual gods? You have no right to call yourself a pagan", or, "Oh, you can't learn to meditate but you can focus on this? You are a disgrace to the practice." (I also have Adhd so clearing my mind in order to meditate is impossible. And every witch/pagan I know says that in order to speak to deities or do any sort of spell work, you need to be able to meditate, which kinda locks me out of a lot of things until I figure that out.)

ANYWAY, I wrote this fucking *essay* to ask the more experienced members of this community, what the fuck do I do? I know intrusive thoughts caused by ocd never truly go away, but surely there's a way to make them more manageable? In terms of spirituality, at least. It's gotten to the point that I can't interact with a lot of things, because my intrusive thoughts have gotten so damn bad.

I may have never spoken with Lucifer directly, but I feel like he'd tell me this behavior is unhealthy.

[muttlyparasitic]

Im not over here like "incest is so cute" or "🤩 im just so obsessed with how he rapes -insert character-" thats what makes proshippers so off putting and disgusting they romanticize the fuck out of a gross topic, I've never seen 1 proshipper actually write a good story involving their ships and I've especially never seen a proshipper NOT make proshipping their whole fking personality like we all know you can't be that black and white.

Theres 0 interesting story in some shop about lets say slender fking a brother of his, just like making a picture of Jeff the Killer x Homicidal Liu is also just like "why?" Besides you finding incest cute there was no reason why they needed to like each other in a disgusting way and no reason to especially fk each other.

And no I am not getting into the whole "it comforts me" aspect as if that means your valid. You'll get upset with me for saying that then post the next day "I dont exist to protect your feelings" like we can just say the exact same thing back, if you find comfort i prosgipping, no one online or irl needs to hear about it, keep your self healthing to yourself if its actually helping you heal. If it only comforts you when other poeple get to see it and you know it will bring you some type of reaction, thats not comfort, thats just attention seeking.

No one on earth needs to be bombarded with your gross ships just because it makes you feel better, you dont need to be butting fandom tags next to your proshipper tags, you can have them on private account elsewhere that the public dont see it.

It's honestly just like this who self-harm for comfort, no ones gotta see it. Thats blunt but its the truth, no ones gotta see it. No ones gotta read about it, only your friends care about your feelings, the rest of us just hope you get help and wish to move on with our day without getting more of that shoved in our faces.

"Well you still made a story with thay subject matter before, why aren't poeple bad at that, they hate me for my Jeff x Liu ship!" think another big difference between a proshipper and someone that writes an incets scene, beastiality scene, grape scene for their horror story, a writer has content like that in a story they developed and they dont obsess over that one part like its their new baby that the whole block needs to hear about constantly, oh and they also use trigger warnings before the reader gets to read the story and if they do talk about that scene on a post, yall dont put warnings, ever. When a proshipper makes a story, the only shit they post about is that one uncomfortable part, or they make the whole story about that subject and can't lighten up and add more creative subjects to the story, it just HAS to be about this one morally wrong thing that their absolutely obsessed over!

Like really thats why antis think you guys are such freak, you have one personality trait and its making gross content in a way that isn't even good literature writing, you obsess over it like you'll instantly combust into ashes if you dont post about it daily, all the content is shown in good light using words and phrases like "cute" "so ment to be" "adorable" "I giggle at it" your praising a subject that shouldn't be praised and thats why people putside of your proship community dont like you guys, you show this content in such good light constantly that its allowed actual prodophiles and people who are actually full on into those subjects irl into your community, unintentionally you've created such a safe space for those kinds of people because they can talk about it in this good light and just say "oh but I dont support it irl" and lots of people would just easily belive them qhile thats not the reality. Thats the biggest issue. You've created a community that can easily harbor literal chriminals, and you will still stand tall and proud about your incest, pedo, beastiality, grape content thata your so obsessed over, while it gives actual criminals a place to get their rocks off while they don't have their current subject matter of interest with them.

Anyways I'm done ranting now.

[awetistic-things]

hi, this blog is one of my favs!! thanks for being so cool, i want some advice, im sorry if you dont know how to help or if this sounds a bit silly /gen

im autistic and physically disabled, and i get overstimulated super easily, even now i have tools to combat it. just going outside can trigger a meltdown. and im going to college soon, im very very worried i wont be able to handle college, or a job, im trying to think positive but i dont want to put myself through hell, i had plans to be a nurse but i dont know if i can, im not that passionate about it but a job is a job. i dont know what to do 〒▽〒

hey !!

first of all, thank you very much, and second of all, this ask is not silly whatsoever

i hate the moments when i have nothing actually useful to say, and this is essentially one of those moments, considering i am quite literally going through that exact situation and am handling it horribly

but, i will share that online school helped me an insane amount. it's not the best way to learn, but for autistic people, it is often the most sustainable option

and the phrase: "i'm not that passionate about it but a job is a job" is a statement meant for NTs and NTs only. autistic people have to take round-trips through hell and back constantly just to be near the level of our neurotypical peers, so don't put yourself into a situation that you know will wreck you completely, especially for something that you don't feel that strongly for

having positivity is important, but never let the hope that it will turn out good make you ignore all the very important danger signs that it may turn out very bad

and it doesn't have to end terribly, but in order for that to happen you gotta put what you know you need first

[rainbowamory]

Being trans ⚧♂

I wanted to write a longer thing, and better worded, but I don’t really feel like doing that right now. This being the time of year for Pride celebrations makes me think about my own feelings about it again, which has been complicated by seeing the filthy hypocrisy in society regarding human rights.

Morality based on popularity, the crutch that people who lack intellect hold on to.

This is not a happy post, and I don’t want to trigger anyone so pls don’t read this if you are in need of a more positive outlook about being trans. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it at all in a moral sense…  This is more about how I feel about being trans myself, just the reality of it for me specifically, not generally.

Ok, so again, don’t read if you are in need of positivity.

........

I want to narrow this down to the main thoughts in my head because there are too many to put in one post. So here it is. These feelings aren’t new to me. I’ve felt them my whole life, especially during my teens when the dysphoria became worse.

As an adult, I have learned these two things about myself with regards to being transgender. One: I have made peace with the fact that I will never make peace with it. And Two: I am an ‘all or nothing’ person after all, which explains the first thing.

The concept of “Gender Euphoria” is something I find imposing and not fully relatable to me. I don’t feel gender euphoria except in times when I am roleplaying or when I think of some kind of afterlife.

Gender dysphoria and perpetual mourning is more familiar to me.

I want trans rights to advance, but I can’t engage with much of it, because it’s too close to home, too personal and extremely triggering to me. And I know the truth…. None of it can make me happy. What I want… what I want most, is an apology from God.

I want some kind of ‘refund’. I want the choice that was never given to me. The choice that is not given to anyone, but the lack of which causes pain only to some.

I don’t want to hear phrases like “you’re fine the way you are”. It’s meaningless and offensive in a strange way, because it shows only cis people’s ignorance on the source of someone’s pain.

If I was ever unaware of the source of my pain, it was only in childhood. I understood exactly what it was in my teens, and it’s the same now.

I want a conversation. And I want an apology. And at the end of that apology, I want a choice. I want to choose my body from the tip of my hair to the tip of my toes, down to the last cell, down to the last chromosome and DNA strand… I want to be XY. XY. XY. XY. For eternity. I want only that. That conversation, and that moment.

I dream about it every day.

I don’t ever want to return to this disgusting world if it turns out that Reincarnation is a thing, because I am not taking a chance again to be born in the wrong body.

This has been to me the single most traumatizing thing I have ever experienced. As if it isn’t bad enough to go through this, we have to live in this sick world, where fools reduce trans peoples lives to cheap jokes and memes regularly and disrespect the same intelligence that they’re perfectly capable of recognizing if they didn’t know the individual was trans.

I have so many thoughts… so many on this topic. But most times I cannot get myself to write them down because I know in my heart that trans activism and advances in surgery and hormones and allies and pronouns are not going to give me what I really want as an ‘all or nothing’ person.

I live my life because I have a childhood dream I am not ready to let go of.

When I say I am trapped in the wrong body, that’s not some metaphor. I mean it in a literal sense. People are at all times more than their bodies. Minds/feelings/souls… these things are real too.

I will settle for band-aids, which is what I believe pronouns are, but I will not accept substitutes. I will keep alive the vision I have in my head of that conversation I want and that apology, because until that day I cannot and will not ever say I have found peace.

Transgender is not an identity for me. It’s a circumstance.

The identity is what is on the inside: the gender. The circumstance is that I’m trapped in the wrong body.

I don’t know what to say about Pride, because I used to benefit from it emotionally, but now all I see is the transphobia in that community and the racism too. And it’s hard to get anything good from it anymore.

I’ll leave it at that.

[lizard-reads-the-world]

It's kind of unbelievable the vitriol one gets for saying "hey, be nice" - like profanity-laced asks. I've been musing on the state of society as a result (ha, isn't that a huge ponder!) and these are just disjunct thoughts, not meant to be directed at anybody.

I've deleted the messages but one of them brought up something I hadn't ever even mentioned with the phrase "You don't speak for us. Shut the fuck up."

Interesting because "us vs them" mindset was one of the points I was bringing up. Who is "us" to this person? Hard to say (because obviously they can't speak for a whole body of people with a disability), but I suppose we can say who it excludes - me and the tiktok poster. That is, people who might disagree with their opinion. And in my case, someone who might have publicly disagreed with them, causing them shame.

People are bombarded so much daily with alarmist news, righteous rage posts, doomsday predictions, on top of their own fight for survival, work-related stress, peer and family pressure -- I honestly think this physically affects your body. The body is in non-stop fight+flight mode - literally any hint of danger or opposition can trigger a physical need, an adrenaline rush, to fight and defend ourselves. Supreme nervous system dysregulation. People do not feel safe in the world, and that puts everyone on high alert. Some people have grown up with nothing but that. And it takes honest awareness to recognize it, and it's hard.

And then back to a word I mentioned earlier: shame. Our society, especially internet and political circles, has really perfected the art of weaponizing shame. While it is an innate human reaction to some point, these days it has come to the point that if you feel shame, you are either an inherently bad person, or the person that caused you shame is wrong and thus an inherently bad person. There has become absolutely no room for critical thinking or nuance that is not black and white. If you are shamed, you must fight and defend yourself, to prove you are not a bad person.

Thus shame is an ultimate weapon. If you are with your group, your group agrees with you, and you have no reason to be shamed. It is the other group that should be shamed.* And there are certain powerful words we can use to shame, because they get linked to identity. People must be so adamant in defending their identity, the very core of who they are, against labels, that they must fight.

When in reality, actions are not identity. You can't *be* an ism. You can't be an inherently bad person. It is a chosen behavior. Even if chosen out of carelessness, it is a behavior.

And people probably would even react to these ideas in defense - "I'm not ashamed, you should be!" - because it's shameful to be ashamed, isn't it? But no, it's not your identity. I understand the triggered defense reaction, I get it too. We gotta be kinder and calmer. And bullying just isn't it. And we have to make it so shame is not a bad thing. And if you feel defensive like this post is directed at you, it's not.

And that was about as long as I expected it to be, and god knows could be longer, and may not make sense to anyone but me, but it just had to be spit out!

---

*not even getting into the scary societal implications of that, as history has shown

Oh, and the asks stopped when I turned off anonymous. No shame when your identity is secret, huh?

[lastoneout]

venting about my problems to make myself feel better don't mind me

Anyway so like, my personal medical history has involved several medical procedures that I was told would be painless or at least only mildly painful, but turned out to be so horrifically painful and upsetting it's legit been traumatizing. This is probably due to my fibromyalgia because that's basically "pain hurts worse" disorder, so the doctors weren't necessarily lying about it not being painful for the average person, I'm just not the average person.

Additionally I am a victim of SA and so let's just say being forced to sit through something awful being done to my body that I have no real control over is Extremely Upsetting and I can't even make it through a fucking pap smear without crying.

I cannot stress enough, my body processes these painful, invasive procedures as trauma. I have had to go to therapy to deal with the lingering emotions. Nothing is more upsetting to me than having no control over what's happening to my body even if it's something important or that will help me feel better. That is my biggest, most impossible to overcome phobia, something happening to my body that I have no control over. To this day I just cannot trust a doctor when they say something will be fine and not painful. I have been told that so many times and it's never true. It hurts and piles more issues on top of my existing baggage. Like just hearing the phrase "see, that wasn't so bad" legit triggers me because IT'S ALWAYS BAD. It's dismissing my feelings and condescending and I fucking hate it.

So yeah needless to say having to be awake for a surgical procedure that allegedly will be relatively painless is my worst fucking nightmare. Especially this procedure. I won't go into too much detail but this involves threading something up through the veins in my arm all the way to my brain. This is like, a nightmare. Body horror level stuff. It feels violating and it hasn't even happened yet. If I had to come up with the most horrific, invasive thing imaginable this would be it. I am almost positive I am going to have to process the aftermath of this in therapy. I'm genuinely worried I'll get there and be so hysterical they can't even do the procedure.

But like I HAVE to do this. My IIH is really bad, my pressure is super high and I have debilitating pressure headaches almost every day. This condition has quite literally ruined my life. I need relief, I cannot keep living like this. Everything I have ever wanted was on the other side of fear, I know that, but god that doesn't make me any less afraid.

The surgeon did listen when I told him about my issues regarding this, I made it clear things that aren't painful for other people are usually hell for me because of my fibro, and I told him I've literally had cavities drilled without numbing medication, I am severely triggered by the idea of being awake for this and they are going to need to give me something to help me calm down, and he assured me they would do everything in their power to make me as comfortable as possible, and they will be giving me pain medication during the procedure to help, but he cannot guarantee it will be completely painless.

I do thankfully get to talk to the anesthesiologist before the procedure, they won't be knocking me out but I assume they need to be sure it's safe to give me specific medications, and I'm also going to tell them that they need to give me something to help me calm down because I am almost 100% positive I will be sobbing and freaking out when I get there because of my history of traumatizing medical procedures and the fibro making pain worse for me, but I just have to pray they take me seriously and don't assume I'm being hysterical or some shit. Though I'm sure if I do get there and I am sobbing and freaking out they'll believe me about this being extremely upsetting for me. I mean I've legit had procedures canceled because I was freaking out so bad they couldn't even do what they needed to do.

I am also going to see my therapist tomorrow and she said she'll help me practice some skills to manage my anxiety and help me get through it without it being a nightmare, and she'll also give me a letter stating that I am being treated for trauma related to these things that should help convince them I need accommodation, but like sdlkjfdlkfj I am still SO fucking scared.

Anyway yeah end vent I'm going to go do more dishes or something to help me chill out.

so my neurosurgeon does think I need some sort of surgical procedure to help with my IIH, but before that he wants to do another procedure to measure the pressure in the veins that have the stenosis so he can decide if a shunt or stent is a better option, and while this is exciting because Relief From My Symptoms, I have to be awake for the test and due to my personal history I am 99% sure this is going to be complete traumatizing hell for me and I currently cannot even think about it without bursting into tears and feeling like I'm going to throw up, so this is great yeah having a good time I love being alive

y'all have no idea how many dishes I've done just as an attempt to manage my anxiety

[capricorn-stark]

Protégé

pairing: red hood!jason todd x robin!reader, slow burn 

warning: swearing

a/n: for context, this is somewhat loosely based off of Battle for the Cowl (2009) which I definitely recommend as a read! 

There was something about falling that you would never, ever get tired of. 

Ever. 

Probably.

With the wind whistling in your ears, your hair floating up in a million directions, and your limbs seemingly weightless as the buildings and lights blurred into one endless streak of color, the rush of adrenaline that ran through your body right before your grappling hook shot out and you landed quietly on the concrete was about a million times better than any sparring session back at the cave. 

You grinned as you straightened, rather proud of the fact that you had actually managed to land so smoothly without nearly paralyzing yourself. Again.The landing was something you had been working on for a while now.

You could practically hear Bruce’s voice ringing through your head after your little stunt, lamenting on and on about how you had more important things to focus on during patrols, and you let out a sigh as you ran down the backway of the nearly empty streets. 

The heavy man who had been bound up with a decently made gag and one of Bruce’s fancy tech pieces (Batcuffs, maybe? Something else with Bat smacked in front of it?) grunted beside you. 

“What? Not like you had someplace to be.” You grabbed the back of his rather tacky-looking spandex suit to drag him along back to where your mentor was supposed to be.

Despite your (many) disagreements and his (many) criticisms of your hand-to-hand combat skills, attitude issues, and pretty much everything else relating to you, Bruce had actually still allowed you to go off on your own tonight. It might’ve been because he wanted a few hours of nothing but beating up petty criminals by himself for stress-relief, it might’ve been because he had started trying out that whole independence thing with you a little more (even though you were still only permitted to be about five blocks or so away), it might’ve been plot-convenience - but either way, you appreciated the gesture.

It didn’t take long for you to pull your new friend over to what should’ve been your rendezvous point with Batman, letting the man drop with a dull thud and a grunt of protest against the concrete as you glanced around for the other man. You weren’t particularly concerned by the fact that the Bat himself wasn’t there yet - after all, he was the goddamn Batman. He’d show up eventually. In the meanwhile, you decided to go over the information you had gotten on the criminal with you. 

Just for the sake of it. Bruce would make you go over it anyways.

“Drury Walker, thirty-two years old, found him trying to mug someone in a back alley and make an escape. Called himself…” you paused, looking down at his sorry-looking outfit for a few moments while he looked up at you with murder and vengence in his eyes. “...Killer Moth.”  

“Killer Moth?” A completely new voice repeated in disbelief, causing you to immediately whirl around to face them in a fight stance, heart racing at a million miles per hour. The guy in front of you had his hands up in the air, his face concealed with some sort of red knock-off Iron Man helmet. He was gonna get copyrighted by Marvel Studios. “Shit, sorry,” he started at the sight of you, still leaning up against one of the walls. “I was supposed to make a wholeass dramatic entrance, but you said his name was Killer Moth and that-” The man made a noise that was either a sharp cough or a laugh of some kind. “-sounded so fucking lame I couldn’t help myself.” 

Despite the fact that you were definitely in some sort of major trouble with this new guy, he really did have a point. Even Killer Moth himself would’ve been embarrassed by how trash his name was, if not for the fact that he looked like he was on the verge of an aneurysm - understandably so, since the new guy had produced not one, but two guns out of apparently nowhere. 

“And let me guess,” he continued, pointing one of them at your head, his tone still all-too light and easy. “You must be the Bat’s brand-new Robin.” 

Now this is where most people would've shut up and proceeded to be complicit with the dude holding two guns. But Batman hadn’t seen reason and made you his (sort of) partner because you were like other people. Hell no.

“Do I look like a traffic signal to you?” It had been the very first of your amendments with Bruce. You would not be fighting crime looking like a literal traffic signal or, at best, a clown from Haly’s Circus. And the tiny green shorts had to go. “Or Robin Hood?” The guy had a rather awkward pause where his gun sort of dipped. Killer Moth was looking between you with wide eyes. “Do I?” 

“I guess you kinda got a point.” You huffed and he raised his gun again, getting more in-your-face as his already angry-looking helmet somehow managed to look angrier. You weren’t exactly sure how a helmet could convey so much emotion. “But you work with Batman. And I heard you went by Robin.” 

Okay, so you couldn’t make him change the name, but you had agreed it would be more of an honorary thing.

“It’s complicated.” 

Using such a phrase as an excuse to escape from situations you didn’t want to go into was one of the many things you had learned from Bruce in your five months of training. Somehow, that seemed to trigger the guy further.

“So you do work with Batman.” 

Before he could do something actually insane, you had managed to push the gun pointed at your head away from you, using his brief second of surprise to take it out of his hands, kick him in the chest, and round back on him with it in hand. 

“And what about it?” 

As cool as you thought you might’ve sounded didn’t cover for the fact that you were still nerve-wracked about what was happening right then. Especially after the guy started to dramatically slow-clap like some sort of evil thespian in a high school drama. 

“Not bad, Robin. Not bad.” He looked at the gun in your hands and grinned. “If you weren’t Batman’s new replacement sidekick, I might’ve believed you had the balls to use that thing.” 

Now, you were an excellent fighter. You had to be, after your excessive training with the guy who had literally mastered about every martial art in existence during his (give or take) five year-long mission to find himself. Plus, some personal experience. But fighting someone like this guy? Built like a tank and padded up in a whole lot of armor and packing an assortment of knives, guns, and even a damn taser you got a first-hand taste of?

You fought hard, but about five minutes and another round of the taser later, you saw the knock-off Iron Man helmet staring down at you before the world went black.

~*~

You woke up in what you assumed was the self-dubbed Red Hood’s safehouse of sorts. 

“How the hell did he rope you into this shit?” he demanded with what you could only assume was him glaring at you through the helmet. Probably some expression that made someone look all angsty and annoyed - which was fair, since he had been trying to drill you for information you straight up refused to give while bound (way too tightly) to a chair for quite some time now. Rather rude. “Let me guess. You watched your parents die.” You stared at him before shrugging.

“Nope.”

“Oh, so they just went ahead and died somehow. Untimely accident caused by some psycho bitch in a Spirit Halloween costume.”

“…nope.” 

“They abandoned you as a child.”

“No, they didn’t - does divorce count?” 

Red Hoodlum’s hands kept clenching and unclenching while he stood there, staring at the wall behind you in silence. From the way his chest kept rising and falling, you were tempted to believe he was practicing breathing exercises amidst his rather violent twitching. 

“Divorce - what the hell is your trauma supposed to be? Why did he pick you?!”

“Hey, just because my trauma doesn’t include people dying doesn’t make it any less traumatic,” you scoffed in response, knowing you were absolutely right about that. Your middle school guidance counselor had said so (and it’s true, ladies and gentlemen, trauma comes in many forms!). “Kinda rude to assume it didn’t affect me somehow.”

He seemed rather abashed at that and you heard him clear his throat a little. 

“...right, yeah. Sorry.”

“Apology accepted - can you loosen these ropes a little? It’s starting to kinda hurt.” 

“Do I look ten? That’s the oldest trick in the book, I’m not gonna-”

“I’m not going to run, just loosen the ropes a little.” He still looked like he didn’t believe you. “Come on, I don’t think I can outrun your guns.” As in his literal array of guns tacked up to the wall behind him, not his gigantic biceps. 

And you weren’t too worried about being held hostage by him, either. You figured you had ten minutes tops before Batman burst in through the doorway, ready to give you a lecture on why straying from the specifically designated parts of Gotham he had let you traipse around was a terribly stupid idea. 

“No.” He was already walking towards the door, because apparently, he had enough of trying to interrogate you. 

“Hold on, I feel like my wrists are actually about to start bleeding or something - where are you going?”

“Keep talking and I’m gonna get the duct tape.” 

“Is that a threat?” Sounding more confident than you actually felt should eventually make you more confident. Eventually. 

The Red Hood sucked in a breath, stopping by the doorway and turning to face you, reaching into his pockets to get what you assumed was either a gun or duct tape when you both startled from a sudden crash. The man in front of you was already whirling around with two guns positioned to shoot when you heard the familiar voice of someone else.

“Hold your fire, soldier. I’m not here for you.” A pause. “Or I wasn’t, but now I kind of am.”

Apparently, Batman was too busy to save you. Now, you got Nightwing. 

And as much as you liked Nightwing, that still kinda stung. 

[prettyboyhub]

haikyuu boys as insecurities they find attractive/they’d help you with pt.2

[akaashi, bokuto, oikawa, atsumu]

a/n: i’m a little dumb and forgot to open my asks, but they’re open now! akaashi’s drabble hits close to home cuz this literally happened to me yesterday :| i’m gonna make these with fewer characters cuz the first post was too long LMAO

tw: body image issues, low self esteem, cussing etc. slight angst with a lot of fluff + some humor

AKAASHI is a quietly loving s/o. he prefers to care for you in ways that are subtle and consistent rather than big romantic gestures. but when you’re ready to leave the house wearing a baggy hoodie and sweatpants in 90° weather he can’t help but ask why. he says something like, “y/n, it’s too hot outside to wear that. why don’t we find you something more comfortable to wear.” you avoid eye contact and mumble a response, “i was wearing a tank top, but my friends kept saying my spine stuck out and laughed about it... i’m too SKINNY, ‘kaashi. i eat more than bokuto, but nothing helps.” he has a pained look on his face, but he listens to you rant about your insecurities. you thought he wouldn’t remember, but when you’re in bed that night he comes behind you and leaves a trail of small kisses down your spine. when he’s finished, he reassures you. “there’s nothing wrong with you, sweetheart. i think you’re perfect.”

BOKUTO is the most loving boyfriend you could ever ask for. he loves to brag about you and show you off to anyone who will listen. but when you shy away from his pda, it breaks his heart a little. (emo mode on 10) it triggers his sensitivity to rejection, which triggers immense feelings of guilt from you. he’ll avoid eye contact and ask quietly, “are you mad at me?” seeing him get so upset over you makes you want to curl up in a ball and cry. you manage to respond with, “not at all, bo. i’m just too shy and when everyone looks at us it makes me uncomfortable. honestly, i’m just UNCOMFORTABLE WITH PDA. i love that you’re proud of me but i can’t take having everyone’s eyes on us. i’m sorry bo, you deserve someone who loves the attention you give and doesn’t get embarrassed so easily, i’m sorr-” he cuts you off. “i didn’t even think about whether or not it would make you uncomfortable, so i’m the one who should be sorry. we don’t have to do anything in front of people! we can save it all for private!! i really love you, babe! i won’t do anything to make you nervous again, okay?” you can’t help but laugh at his enthusiasm to make you feel safe. you grab his hand and his eyes widen, you just said pda makes you uncomfortable?? “how about we hold hands for now? and later if i feel more comfortable, we can add other small things.” “okay!!! :D”

OIKAWA is one of the most talented people around. of course, talent comes with fangirls. it’s like your own personal hell. he never understands why you get distant after games, sometimes not even talking to him until the next day. when he approaches you about the subject, he’d never thought you’d say you have TRUST ISSUES. i mean sometimes it can seem like he’s flirting, but that’s just his charming persona. you have to explain it to him in a way that he’d understand. “toru, you haven’t done anything to betray my trust, but i have a bad history with guys being dishonest and i don’t really trust anyone fully. especially when you flirt with those girls.. i know it’s superficial but can you at least make it known that you have a girlfriend?” he gives you a funny look before answering, “everyone knows i have a girlfriend! last night, i was talking to a few girls about where i should take you to dinner this week. i know they seem flirty, but they respect our relationship. and even the ones that don’t, they know i’m happy with you.” you let out a sigh of relief, but still needed more reassurance. “you would tell me if something happened, right?” you asked him. he let out a chuckle and embraced you in a tight hug. “of course, baby. i tell you everything. you don’t have to trust me right away, but i promise to always be honest with you, alright?” (pls can we stop making fanon oikawa seem like a lying cheating whore he’s literally a good guy omfg)

ATSUMU doesn’t go falling in love with just anyone. they have to intrigue him, which doesn’t happen often. but you did right from the start. you were a foreign student who had just learned japanese. you could say exactly what you needed to, but your ACCENT made you hard to understand sometimes. it frustrated you beyond wits end that you couldn’t say certain things properly, but he adored the way you spoke. not everyone did, though. a couple of snobby teachers pointed out the fact that you sounded foreign. when atsumu found you crying about how you hated your accent, he was pissed at whoever made you feel like an outsider. “well i love yer accent, doll. i know it can be tough, and i have a bit of an accent myself, but i’d love’ta help ya in any way i can. now if you need help pronouncing a word, just come ta me and i’ll tell ya how ta say it, okay?”

atsumu bonus: you took his offer seriously and in no time, you were walking around talking just like atsumu. his little phrases and all. the team was horrified, but it made atsumu’s heart swell that you trusted him to teach you. (PLS ISNT THIS SO CUTE OMFG)

[strangermaxine]

dont you dare compare billy to charles manson, thats offensive as fuck to everyone who was effected by manson and also completely left field. go outside. touch some grass.

absolute apologies to manson victims but i only said his name bc i was referring to the fact that people say that it's "not billy's fault" he acted how he did because he experienced trauma. i'm not a history or true crime buff, so he was the only criminal i could think of as an example of childhood trauma and real life abusers. this is not an excuse, just an explanation. but, imo, it's not unfair to draw from history when talking about actual abuse victims? which is what my post was about. i wasn't even comparing him to billy, i was comparing him to the very concept that you shouldn't be blamed for your actions if you had a bad childhood ( i should’ve phrased it differently though, and i’m sorry ). i know that, you probably know that, but apparently others do not know that. people who don't want to interact w billy choose not to because he's an extremely triggering character and has literally no redeeming qualities, especially to people who experienced real abuse as children ( hi! ). and to see people trivializing what he did, ROMANTICIZING him, taking away blame...

it feels very transparent that they only do so because they want to ship with him. because he's d@cre. obviously billy isn't real, but what he did in the show very much is. i've witnessed extremely similar events firsthand. i wasn't trying to make light of anything manson did ( if i did, it was unintentional, again, sorry ) by saying his name. i was trying to emphasize the fact no one would justify/excuse abusers/manipulators/etc if it wasn't someone who looked like d@cre. i don’t care that billy is fictional, because that was never the point in any of my posts. the way seeing him makes people feel, how it triggers them, how he might feel exactly like someone’s real older brother, was. but i'm sincerely sorry for being offensive in how i said it. it wasn't out of left field for me though. it was me trying to genuinely connect dots so that people would realize that disrespecting real victims and their very real trauma by calling the idea of banning him "stupid", then essentially calling everyone who doesn't "appreciate" his character children, in favor of a thirsting after a fucking fictional character is appalling.

tldr; my phrasing was ugly, but this ask is aggressive for no reason. sorry to anyone i offended by using his name, but not to anyone i offended by insulting billy.

[arabnico]

just want to know what’s your opinion lmao I saw you saying solangelo is one of your notps and you didn’t explain so I was just wondering

i guess that’s fine. for me, and that’s been my opinion ever since i first read the books, solangelo is an ableist ship at its core that portrays a really unhealthy dynamic and power imbalance that’s very harmful especially if you take the books’ audience (marginalized children, in that case especially disabled/neurodivergent children and children living in abusive households [not calling the ship abusive. don’t take it that way.]) in mind.

there are a lot of issues with the ship, i do understand it’s “harder” to notice/grasp them if it doesn’t affect you directly. you just can’t deny will is written as a savior character in canon (i’ll get to fanon later). will is repeatedly portrayed to ignore nico’s agency/own choices in regards of his medical needs, is very forceful on nico when he pushes him away in that same context. his phrase or whatever “doctor’s orders” is distasteful and has,, weird and ableist connotations to it. there is an inherent power imbalance that comes with the ship because dating someone who’s ‘responsible’ to provide you with professional medical care is a brinch in power balance and poses a dynamic that makes it look like someone is in some aspect dependent on the other. furthermore, will is shown to cross nico’s boundaries (especially in tho, if i recall well) and like. reading this as a kid who was living in an abusive household (and still is) was very painful and triggering [again, not calling the ship abusive]. plus, will blamed nico for his alienation and made him feel like it’s something that he made up in his own head or whatever which is,, very patronizing to say the least. i am aware of how some people interpreted that particular point in fanon but i see it as... very questionable and just weird. i mean let’s pretend yeah nico imagined his alienation and being pushed away by everyone. wouldn’t that be due to, as his autistic coding in canon implies, his blindness to social cues? it doesn’t matter if it happened or not (it did.) it matters that nico felt the consequences of it and severely suffered through it mentally. dismissing it otherwise is very patronizing and straight up invalidating nico’s trauma which is,, i don’t have to tell you,, bad. nico’s been fending for his own since he was a ten year old child he really doesn’t need someone to hold his hand and kiss his scar after getting a shot or whatever. yeah he shouldn’t have HAD to fend for himself but denying his autonomy in favor of making a ship look like caretaker with a weird savior complex x character with literal and figurative scars to fix is plain ableist idk what to say. also, i just think the implications and connotations of making your first canon gay character, who suffered canonically through heavy internalized homophobia and felt like he had to fix himself somehow, date a healer is... let’s just keep it at distasteful instead of messed up. again, imagine the young gay people you wrote nico FOR reading that. is that the gay rep you praise and want to be given? i am aware tower of nero tried to mend some of those points but it,, just didn’t feel genuine and like the book itself isn’t free of some issues regarding it. imo.

fanon is a whole other story lol. still bad though. most fan content is based on will being a savior and fixing nico or whatever, infantilizing him in favor of highlighting will as a savior hero that cured him completely or whatever. also in those pieces it always features blaming nico for his trauma and everything else and painting him as someone who’s a threat to themself and cannot be left alone to take care of themself like. it’s just disgusting imo. nico is not a child i don’t know what to do to make you all understand that. will is not responsible for nico’s recovery it’s not his job to constantly repeatedly make sure he ate and slept nico didn’t sign up for having will as a nurse but for a boyfriend. nico is responsible for his own healing process he sets the pace you can’t force someone to do something in regards of their medical needs if they don’t agree with it that’s just stepping over boundaries. nico is in charge of his own needs and agency please understand that. personally, i would go as far as to say that i think that making any kind of fan content for the ship is... questionable because how do you acknowledge that the ship is ableist at its core and still feel comfortable catering for it content-wise? maybe it’s just my brain but i just couldn’t do it myself and couldn’t live with myself if i did, it’s just when it comes to consistency with what i believe in and defend and call out. as i said that last point was personal.

i am well aware you can blame most of this on bad writing or ‘out of character’-ness but like. come on lol. you can blame it all on richard if you want to you can’t ignore it completely and it also caused the creation of fan content that is very ableist like idek what to say anymore. anyway that’s very long lol i hope it’s understandable and i was able to get my point across.

[cotton-candy-in-a-thong]

Noncon stories, Fantasy vs. Reality, and more. fucking. issues.

Recently, I’ve been hit with some drama as to why I’m a “bad person” by various, anonymous users in this fandom. I thought I’d try to address the claim, address my stance on fics that involve noncon, and what I think about the “Tumblr mentality” after everything I’ve seen of this place. I should also note that I’m going to use the specific words and phrases I’ve been forced to constantly repeat as explaining my stance has been very difficult for me, as I’m a person who’s apparently challenging to understand.

This is going to be a long post, with subjects that's obviously going to trigger people so here's a warning right now..

That being said, I’m going to dive into this with some shit I’ve definitely said before:

“Consensual Noncon” Kink

The Appeal of this Theme in Fanfiction:

I don't think calling fics that involve noncon "rape fics" and those who enjoy it "getting off to rape" is a very good way to put it. Many engaging and well done media pieces often involve some very dark themes. Again, Monster by Meg and Dia is a song that features the main character sexually abusing a girl he met. You COULD call this a "rape song", but acting as if the rape is the only thing that matters in this story would be pretty..naive. The story has to do with an emotionally, and physically neglected/abused boy, who grows up and becomes an attention/love starved monster who's SO starving for validation, that he believes forcing himself upon a girl he knew would "prove" to himself that he's capable of being touched and loved. Of course, the main character eventually realizes that rape is not love, that what he did was wrong, and later kills himself in his own bathtub with kerosene and a match.

However, the assault aspect of this song is still a meaningful and alluring part because it talks about how emotional and physical abuse can warp someone's perspective on reality, to the point where they think forcing someone to "stay" with them is how to create a healthy relationship. That's the same energy I have for noncon fics, especially in the slasher fandom. Many slasher fics that contain noncon often have to do with the slasher preying on the reader because of their own fucked up mind. It's intriguing because, let's be honest, pretty much none of the slashers are in a pretty good mental space lmao. Thus, noncon actually falls more in line with how slashers would go about what they believe is a "good relationship" more often than quite a bit of fans here seem to believe. Again, Michael got boners, Jason chained someone up, Fredddy smooches people against their will, Billy Lenz is a sex offender, Chromeskull makes snuff, yada yada yada, you know the drill. That being said, it's interesting to see noncon being expressed with these characters because it gives us a new perspective on how fucked up they'd likely be if the world of sex and relationships was introduced to these characters.

Now why would some people become sexually aroused by the events of the story? First of all, how does “Consensual Noncon” kink work?

u/Jumbledcode. (2015). ‘Can anyone comment on why people (someone like me) enjoy rape/non-con story lines?’. r/TwoXChromosomes.

“I'd suggest that there are several factors that make up the appeal of non-con fantasies.

Guilt/Self-image: For many people, their sexual/relationship desires don't necessarily match their image of themselves, or alternatively they feel guilt over others' perceptions of those desires. Rape fantasies allow them to mantain some illusion of denial over their desires while still indulging in the idea of them.

Responsibility/Laziness: The appeal of abdicating control isn't limited to avoiding guilt; it's very tempting to want a scenario where you have no responsibility for maintaining your lifestyle/happiness. Similarly to before, it's the appeal of being given what you secretly want without even having to choose it.

Transgressiveness: A rape scenario has overtones of danger and taboo-breaking. These can easily be exciting and can therefore be a turn-on.

Desire: Being wanted is often a huge turn-on, and the idea of someone desiring you enough to break laws and disregard everything to have you plays into this feeling.

To me, it seems that most people who fantasize about being the subject of rape do so due to some mix of these motivations I've mentioned. Of course, there are also those who have experiences which have taught them to associate non-consent with their sexuality, but that's a separate issue”.

What if the Fanfic Only Involves the Act though? Wouldn’t it Encourage Actual Rape?

Let’s differentiate fantasy and reality. Towards those with the noncon kink: it offers arousal because of the ideas listed above (the idea of the reader not having to make any moves and the character doing the “intimate work” FOR them, the excitement of such a taboo sexual encounter, and the feeling to be desired through an altered, brutish encounter). Rape is the use of sex to remove control over the victim’s mind and body. The readers DO have control over whether or not they get to “encounter” (the choice to even read) this fantasy, so right away consent is present in reality, and no actual rape is being done.

Now does this mean that the kinkers are getting off on the idea of rape? Not really.

The thing with self-inserts is that it allows you to be connected to the story. That way, even if the story has you bruised up and begging for mercy, a part of you-you (if you’re a kinker) wants to keep reading it as you find it exciting. That way, as you and story-you are connected, what you really want in such a fantasy is for it to keep going despite the brutish, possessive, however yet desired nature of the character you’re dreaming about dealing with. (repeat: the idea of the reader not having to make any moves and the character doing the “intimate work” FOR them, the excitement of such a taboo sexual encounter, and the feeling to be desired through an altered, brutish encounter). That being said, it’s still entirely possible for kinkers to have their personal space and wishes crossed, and ultimately assaulted. Us enjoying the fantasy of such a reverie sexual encounter does not spell out to real life because (in reality) we’re not horny all the time, we would still like our bodies to be respected when we find it necessary, and we still have feelings as we’re still human.

“Fantasy (including video games) leads to violence” fallacy.

It would be like assuming that shooters in games like GTA fantacise about murder, encourage it, and would do it in real life. Taking fabricated anger out on virtual bodies or NPCs is quite different from the weight of murder (the killing of another human being). One can play video games with lots of violence towards such fabricated characters, while discouraging violence towards human beings. The act of using a game controller to beat up Donkey Kong in Smash, to shoot Nazi zombies in a Black Ops game, or to kill a Geisha in Little Nightmares is incredibly, and immensely different from completely eradicating the life of a person on Earth, and to assume that everyone who plays violent video games would spill out to violence in reality would be to participate in a ridiculous fallacy. Yes, there are outliers who are feeble minded enough to let their fantasies influence their actions towards actual people, but I must repeat that there are also people who utilize these fantasies for their personal satisfaction, while understanding the weight of the real world around them (and choosing not to act so detrimentally). Therefore, it wouldn’t be fair as it would be unnecessary to blatantly say that all fantasies are horrible and should be entirely eradicated if there ARE many people who ARE aware enough to understand that some thoughts are better off staying in fiction.

Now is the time to address what’s been said:

...Firstly, I think it’s very disgusting that random users, on Tumblr of all places, are trying to manipuate random victims of sexual assault into hating something or someone just because these users FEEL like “it’s the right thing to do”.. People, victims of sexual assault aren’t your fucking dogs. They’re not carriage horses, they’re not your work mules, they’re not your guns and swords...they’re just people who normally wanna be left the fuck alone like everyone else. Plus, there ARE people who have experienced sexual assault who take joy in reading such dark storylines. What would these users have to say to them? That they’re not “real” victims? That what they’ve experienced “never happened”? That they’re “just like” their own perpetrators for using the consensual nonconsent to miraculously help them overcome their trauma? Should they really abandon their coping mechanism just because there are other victims who cope in different ways?

..If you seriously believe that all people who have gone through a traumatic event are gonna cope in the exact same fucking way, you literally don’t even know enough about PTSD to even be making a bold statement about cope.

This is the part where I finally realized that people, and especially those on Tumblr, don’t actually care about rape victims as much as they may claim. Many users on here, on this platform and in this fandom, don’t truly give a flying monkey shit about rape victims as people, nor what they have to say about the subject. Rape victims..on this place..seem to be used mainly as a means of figurative weaponry for a group’s subjective morality.

I find the similarity close to radical feminism. Radical feminists often believe that women, from near and far, have to do everything in their power to “destroy” the patriarchy. This would mean disobeying the societal expectation of women, even if there are some women who take joyment in engaging in some societal standards for their personal liking. An example would be sex work. Radical feminists acknowledge the flaws in performing sex work, but believe that NO woman should EVER partake even if the woman wants to do it out of her own free will. In demonizing and ostracizing any woman who doesn’t fall into the radical feminist agenda, radical feminists actually contradict their purpose to “let women be free”. At this point, you realize that radical feminists often don’t actually give a fuck about what any woman wants for herself. Instead, radical feminists want to utilize any woman they can find just to flip off men as a group.

In Tumblr users trying to “stand up” for rape victims for their personal “holier-than-thou” ego, they fail to care enough about the very people they defend to understand the dynamics of some of their coping mechanisms, thus begin to bully some members of the group they claim to protect because of the very narcissism, misunderstanding, and controlling nature going on behind their own “activism”. So now that some users have found something to hate, in this case being noncon stories, they attempt to manipulate victims of rape into ostraciszing and demonizing fantasies and other victims of rape just because the “activists” themsleves don’t like it. Even trying to argue that rape victims have a “duty” to agree with everything these “activists” try to do for them.

Sounds awfully familiar to the attitude democrats have towards any minority when it’s time to vote. “I care about you...but you have to agree with everything I say and believe because I want what I think is best for you. If you disagree with me, you’re ungrateful and a traitor”.

Now...a little about myself.

I’m not sure of everyone else who’s into the noncon type of story, but I use it to get away from my past. In noncon stories, I want to read what happens in the chapters. I want to imagine them for morbid curiosity and arousal I feel at the time being. In reality, my attackers didn’t care when I wasn’t in the mood, and never gave me a choice. In noncon stories, I get to choose the character I want to encounter in the fantasy and NOT have it picked FOR me. In real life, I didn’t get to choose who did some things to me. In noncon stories, I get to stop reading them and do something else whenever I’m not feeling it anymore. In reality? My attackers kept going because, in the situation, it was no longer up to me. After noncon stories, my body doesn’t walk away with bruises, bite marks, and physical reminders every time I take my clothes off or try to masturbate. In real life...that shit can mark you, disease you, and then traumatize you. With the stories, I get to delete my search history, join another fandom, and act like nothing ever happened. For reality? Your own body is a reminder of what happened because it was real. In reality, I’m NEVER gonna fucking forget what happened. I’ll be lucky if my own mind and body doesn’t haunt me for at least one day..

So seeing that someone, and probably multiple people not only tried to use victims of sexual assault for their own “go get em” dogs, but to try and phrase me as someone who loves and encourages such an assault on human beings? After the things I felt? After the things I tasted? After pathetically searching for the support of relatives, just to get shut down with “you’re lying”?..

...All the times I've been held down..threatened..clothes getting snagged off..parts being opened and touched after I've fought to just get the fuck away from certain people...

According to this anon..."she likes rape".

...I guess I just fucking LOVED EVERYTHING THEN.

You know...all my life I’ve been misunderstood by many people. It’s honestly really disappointing that even now when I’m better at explaining myself than ever, I’m STILL being phrased as a “psychopath” by random people who haven’t even taken the time to even know me. Not even from a minute-long conversation through a damn computer screen. And you wanna know the funny thing? I’m probably being laughed at as this is being read. Some of these users, these internet stalkers, are probably giggling, smiling, and saying “Haha YES we GOT the bitch!! Cry you piece of shit SLUT!!”. So maybe explaining my past experiences to help everyone understand why some people may use noncon stories to their fantasy advantage is gonna land me messages going: “You haven’t been raped you lying bitch”, “Maybe you should get raped again”, “You definitely enjoyed it”, and the overused, yet strong “Kill yourself”.

So how am I gonna end this message? With me saying that many of you, who THINK you’re doing the right thing by justifying harassment and trying to manipulate others into joining your little crusade to bully people away from the fandom (over extremely mundane fucking things)...aren’t really good people. At best, in this case...you’re fucking stupid. You will never truly speak for any of the marginalized groups you claim to know like the back of your hand. Simply, you will never. be. a hero.

If by chance, by an astrological chance..that any random user wants to come up and apologize out of the blue for talking such shit and for saying such things..I don't even wanna hear it...just get the fuck out of my face..

[imdreaminadream]

The results pt 2 ~ “What about it makes you cringe?” Category 1

( - prologue.   - part 1  - category 2  - category 3)

Okay so this is the results to the question in the quiz, What about it makes you cringe. In reference to the questionnaires core subject about smut fanfics.

 Also quick psa there will be a part for the results for the other question -  “In kpop fics, Korean words i.e. jagiya, seem to be a no no, would you like to elaborate why?”

Now note these particular results are going to be split into 3 posts because I decided to split the results into 3 categories. 1 - Writing Aspects. 2 -  Personal Preferences. 3 - Genuine Problems.   

>THIS POST IS CATERGORY 1<

DISCLAIMER BELOW. (please read that before continuing)

This is going to be a long post. The responses were very enlightening but please don’t take this as an attack. Consider this more as constructive cheat sheet to good smut writing or just ignore it if you don’t agree with it. Some of this did get a bit deep appropriate trigger warnings will be put on the appropriate posts but I’m not sorry it got deep fics can also affect real life as much as we wish it were something that didn’t mix in with real life, it does. I’m no official like sex guru or big-time writer, or what ever BUT I did add little advice underneath each answer, which are just a reflection of the people’s answers. Again if you don’t like the sounds of this don’t take it personal and click off. 

Writing aspects.

Poorly written/typos – Nearly all of the people said that, poorly written, bad grammar and lots of typos made them cringe. Answers said that sometimes works are so poorly written it comes across as though the person writing doesn’t know how sex works. Now by poorly written they talked about, the plot being non sensical, choppy or lacking decent grammar, too many typos, using words in the wrong context, repetitive language. They also specified they understand not everyone’s first language is English but the least that can be done is proofreading of the works by them or someone else. And many people cried over the use of first person, they felt it brings them out of imagining the fic. 

Language used – So they we’re talking about strange words for body parts especially genitals, and just weird terms and phrases in general. Regarding body parts, everyone mentioned that childish or full-on scientific names for genitals was the worst. Feedback suggests calling it a dick, cock – although some commented that cock sounded too vulgar, and pussy. Also referring to female’s arousal as juices was a common answer, to quote one of my fav answers “so none of that her juices coated my fingers’ Like bitch it aint orange juice.” Then for weird terms and phrases, no specific example was given but I’m certain they meant things that literally every man and their dog would not say, ever! Personal opinion here but, “you like what you see?” and “Your wish is my command.”, and “tongues fighting for dominance.” should die off. It’s overused and I’m sick of seeing it – pretty sure no one says that during sex in real life anyway.

So, to avoid it alls you need to do is use second or third person, proofread, and learn how sex works if you don’t know. Also, best way to proofread it to leave it a few days then come back and read it again – also there are apps like Grammarly that help with your writing too. (PSA I personally love proofreading work, because I’m weird like that, so if you ever want me to proofread drop me a message/anon.)

So, take a moment to consider what you are writing, again proofreading is very helpful, and just stick to the mature ways to say dick/pussy. Suggestion here if you can’t write it the mature way, stop writing smut fics because clearly you’re either not mature enough or uncomfortable (to be) writing smut. 

Dialogue – Too much dialogue and not enough action cropped up a number of times. Also that the dialogue written is cringy essentially, Then there was too much dirty talk, and dirty talk that shouldn’t even be considered dirty talk which commented a lot in regards to dialogue. And although I think I wrote about this answer previously but weird words, exaggeration, and choppiness in the dialogue. (someone commented over use of buzzword but idk what buzzwords are.) May I also personally add that written fake stutters irritate the living day lights out of me just stop.

---- I actually did another questionnaire about this, it didn’t garner same amount as this one but it gained a good few responses. The answers should be available to see, if you want you can take a look at that to see more about people thoughts when it comes to dirty talk in fics. ----

Advice is, keep in mind when writing dirty talk what sounds good, to plausible, to terrible. Just think about what sounds realistic as well, draw on your own experiences or what you want to be said to you. Also, if you don’t find it sexy don’t write it for everyone else’s sake or to fit in with the trend, stay true to yourself but try to vary it up for each fic you write.

No build up – They talked about how some fics go straight to the dicking down, to action, with no build up or a bit of sensical plot, and it doesn’t work. Or if the characters haven’t even talked and suddenly, they’re down to fuck. They expressed it doesn’t make sense and doesn’t feel like the characters are even that interested, as though they’re fucking for the sake of fucking. This also ties in with some comments that said sometimes people fail to remember smut isn’t just about being railed, it is also about connections with people and making love so going straight to the fucking, fails to make the reader want to continue reading.

The solution to this is to reference history/tension or build up the tension between characters, or just set the scene a little bit before getting straight into it. Also remember no one is having sex without some foreplay and if they are it isn’t very good, so don’t let it be like that in your writing. 

Lack of realism/inaccuracies – Okay so this was mainly in regard to sex, the way the body works and some scenarios. To elaborate, people said that there are just some sex positions and places to have sex that just don’t work. In example one person wrote how sex in a gaming/office chair doesn’t work well and they know through personal experience. So, for the readers it’s just super unrealistic that it happens, and it leaves the reader either fixated on figuring out how that is possible or cringing because they know it’s not possible rather than reading the rest of the fic. There’re also just some ways the body doesn’t work I’m not going to go through examples there are so many, but we all know what is meant. Also, I’ll mention that kinks also were apart of the lack of realism, I’ll talk more about that in the next post.

So, based on this the only thing I can say is keep it real and keep it accurate as possible. Like we know its fiction but consider how ridiculous some of the stuff you’re writing may be, how impossible it is. Just don’t be afraid to google things – you can actually freeze and delete your search history – to double check or educate yourself about. Or ask for advice, draw from experience, or maybe try it out yourself with or without your partner then reflect that in your writing.

----------------------------------

END OF CATERGORY 1

(Feel free to discuss in comments, in my messages or send anons or anything like that if you want.)

Tag list

@nctsworld, @lauraneuuh, @jooniyah, @ceoofxiaojun, @lovemayble @hyucksie​ @myelle-n

- if anyone else wants to be tagged for the next parts let me know via anon or dm -

[xgibbleyx]

A “few” more Tony Green Headcannons!

You can read the others here first!

Tony occasionally uses Italian phrases when speaking.

Tony is bisexual, but didn’t have the words for it until Ethan came out himself and talked about it.

He hasn’t felt the need to be in a serious relationship or date since taking care of Ethan, because he feels fulfilled from just being a caregiver to his son. (You can take this as him probably being aro in some form too).

He hangs out at the Birdhouse bar with his buddies whenever he has free time, and also to give Ethan some space.

Tony’s nicknames for Ethan include but are not limited to: Eef, eath, eafie, kiddo, buddie, eee, ‘than and bambino.

Ethan is the result of a one night stand, Tony often lovingly refers to Ethan as 'the best mistake he’s ever made’ but he doesn’t realise how much it hurts his son.

Ethan’s first word was “fuck’.

They go out for 'burgies’ as Ethan calls it. Which is just a trip "Backyard Burgers”. [Which is a fictional fanmade location featured in the Nightmare Time Episode Bump In The Night, which you can read here]

Tony used to sing 'That’s Amore’ & 'Fly Me To The Moon’ to Ethan to help him sleep as a baby.

He is also a highschool dropout as well.

Tony wanted Ethan to not follow in his footsteps, however when Ethan was suspended / dropped out of school he couldn’t bring himself to be mad at him, because he understood where he was coming from.

Tony has quite the criminal record.

+As a teenager he was roped into sticking up a gas station with his buddies and robbing the place. Of course it inevitably went bad. He ended up getting chased by police dogs and getting bitten on the leg by one of them before getting arrested.

+After bailing him out, his parent disowned him. He felt like a failure for the longest time and spent most of his teens sofa surfing with no purpose in life. He did a lot of stupid things in that time.

After getting kicked out by his own parents and with no education, Tony fully engrosses himself in mechanics and finds peace when he can fix even the most broken of cars.

+Tony really loves cars. A lot. Not like that. But he just thinks they’re neat.

He teaches Ethan how to fix cars, however Ethan doesn’t have as much passion for it as his dad.

Tony taught Ethan to drive before he could even reach the pedals. They practiced in an empty parking lot at night.

+Tony joked at the time it was 'getaway driver practice’.

Tony pays off Ethan’s mother to leave them be. Ethan’s mother in the past has taken Ethan away once, however he made his way back to the garage by himself because he was scared. Ethan’s mother often threatens she will take them both to court to have legal ownership over her son to get Tony to keep paying her. (Tony folds every time knowing that with his criminal record there’s no way they wouldn’t choose her over him)

(In the case of the “Ethan doesn’t die” Nightmare time) I don’t believe that Tony would ever blame Lex for Ethan’s death. I think that he would retreat in on himself and not know how to continue on. Ethan has been his main driving force throughout his entire adult life. He gave him a purpose to live for, so naturally it would be extremely taxing and exhausting to have that life line cut off in such a traumatic way. Especially given the fact that Tony works on cars day to day, he probably sees wrecked cars more often than not which would be extremely triggering for him considering that’s how Ethan died.

+ I also think that Tony would never tell Lex that 'Ethan was a nice kid until he met you’ to a literal child. As a highschool dropout himself I think that he’d understand that Ethan’s downfall at school can’t be pinned on a girl, (especially one that’s younger than him) but instead on Ethan not being built for the education system (as evident by Ethan miss spelling words and such, which clearly runs far longer than knowing Lex for a couple of years).

During the events of Black Friday, I think that just leaving Ethan’s body in the mall and having no one dwell on his death is a BIG mistake. Considering how much of a positive driving force he is for Lex and Hannah and all. So- I like to imagine that Tony is working in the garage and hears over the radio reports about the riots at the mall and heads down there knowing that’s where Ethan is supposed to be. He sees the entrances and exits boarded up but he finds his way in through smashing a window. He finds Ethan’s broken body on the floor in the cineplex lobby and breaks down. He tries to convince himself Ethan’s fine and just playing a prank on him, even though he can’t find a pulse and wont respond to a word he’s saying. He tries to haul him up to get him out of the mall and fails miserably. Ethan’s body is a dead weight. Neither of them make it out but I don’t think Tony would want to live without him anyway. (I’ve considered making this a comic in the past but it’s too much to do)

(If you read all of this, you deserve this drawing of Tony! Here you go)