#especially the last one that’s so fucking bold to claim

[avicecaro]

i will literally defend to the death women talking about getting an "ick" about male partners. yeah it’s kind of a dumb term but it serves its purpose. it’s my view that what’s talked about as "getting the ick" is actually looking back, rather than being looked at, often for the first time in a relationship. when you’re not caught up in the performance and charm of your relationship, when you’re a little disengaged, when you’re just looking at the guy. and you start to think … am i attracted to him? have i ever been attracted to him? and so yeah sometimes it’ll be tiny innocuous things. i don’t care if watching her boyfriend order dessert in a restaurant or carry a water bottle or eat messily or cry is the sudden tipping point when she takes a step back, really looks at the guy, and goes "what am i doing? i don’t even like him" like good for her for realizing and getting out. listen to your gut.

[katsukikitten]

cum here

Warnings: spit, dub con

A Bakugou Birthday collab read the intro on the ML first!

A notification pulls your attention in your tipsy stupor as you collapse half dressed in your bed. Another successful night out with your girlfriends when your favorite pro hero posts a picture.

A thirst trap no less making you pop up in bed, the room spins delightfully as you stare down at the picture, screen shooting it without a care that he may get a notification for it but you were sure that you wouldn't be the only one.

Bakugou Katsuki, THE Dynamight with his shirt up exposing his abs, his Adonis belt and the vein that leads down to what has to be his fat cock.

You salivate over the thought of it and the several shots of tequila have you feeling bold, although your friends would argue you'd have been this bold sober simply because of how much you spoke about him even if most of the public thought he was an asshole you claimed that's what made him so fucking hot.

Pushing up your tits and angling your phone just right before you snap a photo and attach it to a very public reply before you slip into his dms to send a little something extra.

Bakugou's phone becomes nuclear to say the least, blown up from how many replies and notifications has gotten in such a short time. Each and every woman and the few male prospects are more than attractive and yet none make his cock jump to life, not fully anyway.

Until he sees you, tapping on the picture to make it full screen.

Soft fat tits pressed together, skin aglow in the ambient low light of warm string lights. Tongue lolling past pretty lips, wet muscle most likely fluttering before you took the picture. Obvious that you waited long enough for drool to drip from the tip in a silvery string as some droplets collected on those perfect tits. Pinching his screen to zoom in on your sexy mouth he imagines pressing his angry cock head against before he shoved his length until you gagged around him.

He groans at the thought, zooming out to take in all of you before he finally reads the caption..

Cum here.

“Fuck.” He growls, clicking on your profile, going to privately message you in hopes of more pictures. Palm moving to free his cock from his boxers when he sees you messaged him first.

Sharing your location with the pro hero like a fucking idiot. What if Bakugou had been hacked?

And here you were offering yourself up on a silver platter.

Cum here echoes in his head as he backs out to your selfie and before he can talk himself out of it he's jumping back into the tight black denim that never made it past his thighs.

You lock your phone falling back into your bed after you've seen that he's read your messages. Sighing as you hadn't expected much else, especially since it was his birthday and half of the feed were thirst traps of others tagging Dynamight in hopes of getting his attention. He ignored every single one of them, even from well known models and porn stars, so what chance did you really have?

Still, it was fun to be a little delusional every now and again.

Fireworks echo in the distance and you're surprised the spring festival was going this late into the night. Never one to miss a good show you rise from your bed, topless and half drunk to watch the last of the fireworks before you'd pass out, sleep well past noon before ordering a fat order or take out.

Leaving the sliding glass door open when the cool night air makes you shiver and regret foregoing a shirt. Eyes adjusting to the dark easily but your eyebrow furrows up in confusion. You hear the fireworks but you can't see them.

At least not well, a small orange burst that makes you wonder if maybe they aren't fireworks at all, that maybe it was just a villain making their grand escape.

Scoffing you turn, closing the sliding glass door only for it to be stopped in its tracks. Looking up for see a hulking shirtless man shrouded in darkness on your balcony. Smoke, caramel and whisky envelope your senses as the man breathes evenly behind you. You blink once, twice before you register his eye color.

Toxic, crystalline bromine.

"Dynamight?”

“In the flesh, Sweetheart.” He removes his hand from the frame of the door, takes a step towards you and you step back.

Stalking forward until you're both fully in the room and he delights in the mixture of emotions in your eyes. Fear, excitement, arousal.

“Haaah, what's wrong? Little kitty is acting more like a cornered bunny. Ya scared?” He leers over you, crowding your space, “Shouldn't be. Yer the one who invited the big bad wolf.”

Grabbing onto your chin to turn your pretty face this way and that, he doesn't even need to force his eyes away from your chest, your face captivates him that much. He runs his tongue across his teeth before he smirks.

“Now where am I supposed to cum again?” His large thumb swipes over your plush lips before he shoves it between them, forcing your mouth open.

He tries to recreate the picture you sent him, watches the wet muscle flutter and it makes him salivate. Makes him gather it in his mouth before he's pushing it the tip of his tongue letting his spit hit your tongue.

“Right here wasn't it?” He mixes his spit with yours with his thumb, pressing down on your tongue harshly. He watches your eyes widen before they narrow, into that hungry cat gaze that was in your photo.

Eyes that devour him whole as you hollow your cheeks to suck on his thumb. Swirling it around the digit before you pop off of him, the lewd sound echoing around the two of you.

You're fast, faster than Bakugou, especially drunk, expects. Jumping onto him and wrapping your legs around his waist, bucking your hips to make him fall onto the bed with a grunt as your tongue slides into his mouth. He paws at you heavily, grabbing at all your delicious softness as he growls into your mouth, calloused hands still warm from his journey here. Launching himself into the air that did little to sober him after he stalked your profile enough to get your apartment floor and balcony right.

Your claws dig into the nape of his neck as you bring him into a sitting position parting the kiss slowly, letting the silvery string that connects the two of you snap on its own.

“Gonna let me take care of the birthday boy and his special request?” You practically purr, crawling down his body as your fingers hook into the waistband of his boxers and jeans. All but ripping them from his body even when he lifts his hips to help you free his cock while he grunts out a “‘Course.”

It stands at attention, jumping as your eyes fixate on the one thing you've fucked yourself to the thought of hundreds of times. Drunk all over again, eyes falling to half mast as your hand grips him firmly, listening to him hiss over the contact before you give him a few languid pumps.

Hovering over him for a moment before you look up, watching his pupils blown wide, wider than what they were at the door. Soft almost unnoticeable red tint to his cheeks as he tries to control his breath.

“Try not to fall in love.” You giggle, lolling your tongue out to swipe over the leaking slit in a quick stripe.

“Ya wish, Sweetheart.” But already his head is falling back, hands reaching to grab at your hair before you swipe him away.

Slowly taking him into your mouth, hand gripping what you can't fit into your mouth, letting his fat cock head gag so that your throat contacts the same way your cunt would. Saliva pooling past your lips to coat his shaft, gagging again when you hear him groan before you start a steady pace.

Bobbing your head, alternating hollowing your cheeks and letting him ram into the back of your throat. Giggling when you push his head into the pocket of your cheek, holding eye contact and he reaches down to pull his balls harshly.

He's never been this close to cumming with such little effort.

You let your molars graze him lightly before straightening him in your mouth again. Sure to hit your gag reflex purposefully so that his pre and your spit soak his neatly trimmed pubic hair that's starting to slick to his skin.

If you're lucky he'll stay long enough for your pussy to do that to him too. Cunt neglected as it soaks your underwear as you adjust your weight on your knees for some sort of friction.

Moaning around him when he groans loudly, at his hisses and growls of sugared curses that do nothing but encourage your sinful movements.

Katsuki is panting, the man with all the endurance in the world is fighting the building coil in his lower abdomen and losing.

Bakugou Katsuki never loses but tonight he just might.

Letting his fingers card through your hair before he's pulling harshly, still you don't budge. Lost in your mission to make this last as long as possible by changing from a speed that's bound to make his cum flood your mouth to a slow bob that has you gagging around his sensitive head every time.

Letting your eyes flicker to look up at him and his debauched face, throughly fucked out as his chest heaves eyes fixated on you even as he struggles to hold his head up as if he couldn't bare to look away from.the things you do to him.

The sight is enough to make your eyes flutter, to make you moan around him and the vibrations make his sac tighten, moving your hand so you can shove all of him deep into your tight throat, tears in your eyes that stick in long lashes and fall in fat droplets as you bob on his entire length, once, twice.

And he can't take it, the sight, your eyes all but begging him to cum as you choke yourself on him, as if his pleasure was more important than air.

“Oh fuck princess, just like that.” He groans, cupping the back of your skull as he presses enough to make you gag one last time before he bucks his hips up into you. Starving you of air as your nose is pressed to his pelvic bone while he paints your pretty throat in sticky white cum, your claws digging into the thick meat of his thighs deliciously.

Finally he lets you up and you gasp desperately for air even if you found his aggression as he chased his high undeniably hot. You expect him to smirk, expect him to laugh or to leave pulling up his pants in a hurry but he doesn't.

Instead his large hand grips your chin, pulling you to him as his free hand comes to wrap around your sensitive ribs. Closing the space so that he can kiss you, swiping his tongue over yours shamefully groaning into your mouth as he tastes himself mixed with your spit.

“Fuck.” He pulls you onto the bed, flipping the two of you so he can pin you to the mattress chasing your lips desperately. His other hand has a mind of its own as it rips your panties from your hot core, fingers quick to press and spread your glistening folds. Cruelly avoiding your clit before he shoves two thick digits knuckle deep into your drooling cunt.

Forcing you to arch off the bed, pumping into you with a harsh pace, fingers perfectly positioned to bully that spongy spot that has you seeing stars before he times it perfectly.

Pulling away enough to look you in your eyes before he slowly, roughly, swipes his thumb over your clit and makes you cum in a matter of seconds, faster than any toy. You arch off the bed with a moan so loud you're sure the neighbors know his name now, little do you know what else he has in store.

Removing his middle and ring finger from your fluttering cunt reluctantly, quick to press the digits to his tongue harshly. Smoky caramel fills your senses as his palm heats against the fabric by your head. Leaning over you again to swipe his tongue against yours to taste the two of you melded together in your hot, hungry mouth. He pulls away, hand gently cupping your throat as he holds your gaze, cock heavy and hard again as he aligns it with your still convulsing entrance.

“Sorry Sweetheart, guess I fell in love.” He bullies himself into you in one harsh thrust and you're seeing stars again.

“Now I gotta return the favor.”

[021894s]

- 24 who are you?[1.7k w]

MASTERLIST | PREV | NEXT

PAIRING: brothers bsf! sunghoon x f!readee

WARNINGS: jealousy, cussing, unprotected sex (wrap it bruh), oral sex (both receiving) MINORS DNI

AUTHORS NOTE: ehe hi besties, here’s a little something to spice things up😅 hope you enjoy <3

The party at Ksana's house was in full swing. you were with your friends, laughing and enjoying some drinks. The music thumped in the background, creating a vibrant and energetic atmosphere. as you chatted animatedly, your gaze drifted and you saw sunghoon talking with yuna. she seemed to be openly flirting, batting her eyelashes and smiling in a way that made you feel a pang of jealousy.

determined to intervene, you took one last sip of your drink, feeling the warmth of the alcohol in your throat, and walked briskly towards them. upon arriving, without missing a beat, you wrapped your arms around sunghoon's neck and smiled broadly.

"hi, baby, I was looking for you," you said in a sweet but firm tone, looking directly at sunghoon and then casting a quick, meaningful glance at Yuna.

sunghoon, surprised but clearly pleased, returned your smile and embrace. "Hi pretty," he responded, reciprocating your gesture with a warmth that made you feel secure.

yuna, clearly annoyed, took a step back. "who the hell are you?" she said, trying to maintain her composure as her eyes darted between you and sunghoon.

"his girlfriend. but the better question is who are you?" you replied, keeping your smile while holding onto him tighter, making it clear he was yours.

yuna mumbled an excuse, something about needing to find someone else, and quickly walked away, leaving you alone with Sunghoon. You felt a wave of satisfaction and relief as you watched her disappear into the crowd.

sunghoon looked at you with a mix of gratitude and confusion. "what are you doing? ," he said, pulling you a little closer.

"claiming my man" you responded, feeling the tension dissipate. "I couldn't let someone like her get too close."

he smiled "you're crazy, you know that? what if heeseung saw?? or better yet one of his little flings sees and tells him"

"I don’t care, you’re mine and she clearly needed to know that” you lean in to whisper in his ear, “plus you look so fucking good right now”

sunghoon’s eyes go dark, your words inevitably turning him on. “you think so?” the alcohol running through your veins give you the courage to suggest the next thing, lord knows sober you would not be as bold as you’re being in this very moment, especially in such a risky environment “mhm, why don’t you take me to your room so I can show you just how good you look”

without another word sunghoon is dragging you up the stairs, if he didn’t know heeseung was probably hooking up with some random girl in his own room he would be a lot more worried about being caught, but the feeling of his cock growing in his jeans prevented him from forming rational thoughts anyways.

when you both reached sunghoon’s room, you were the first to smash your lips against his in a hot searing kiss that reminded you of the first time this happened in japan. you pushed him back toward his bed until there was no where else to go. he sits on the edge and you straddle his lap, your arms going around his neck as you kissed him deeply. he groaned, his hands going to your waist as he deepened the kiss. he could feel how needy you were from the kiss alone.

you pulled back, your eyes filled with desire. you stood up, your hands going to the hem of your shirt as you pulled it over your head. you stood there in just bra and panties, your body on display for him. his eyes take in every inch of you. “shit baby you’re perfect”

you reached behind you, unhooking your bra, letting it fall to the ground. you stood there, breasts bared for him to see. He groaned, his hands going to your tits as he squeezed them gently. you moaned, your head falling back as he played with your nipples. “feels so good hoonie”.

“yeah baby? love your pretty tits” oh your panties were growing wetter by the minute.

you reached down, your hands going to the waistband of your panties, pushing them down your legs, standing there completely naked in front of him. “fuck baby you’re getting me so hard”

“am I? I should probably do something about that then, don’t you think?” you reached down, hands going to the waistband of his pants as you undid his belt. you pulled it out of the loops, letting it fall to the ground, undoing the buttons of his pants, pulling them down his legs. you reached into his boxers, freeing his long, hard cock from its confines. “shit” sunghoon lets out in a low whisper, his bottom lip caged between his teeth at the sight before him.

you admired the pretty pink tip, how it was shiny and beginning to leak pre cum. you haven’t seen many dicks in your lifetime but you were willing to be sunghoons was one of the prettiest to ever exist. you gave it a few strokes, your hand working up and down his shaft. your eyes meet his as you lean down, mouth wrapping around the tip of his cock. eyes never leaving his, you sucked, tongue swirling around the head.

“just like that baby, feels so good” he groans his hands going to your head, holding you in place. you sucked harder, your mouth working up and down his shaft. you could feel him getting harder in your mouth, and you knew he was close.

you pulled back, eyes meeting his once again and you stood up from in between his legs. your hands going to his shoulders as you straddled his lap. “want you to fuck me” you positioned yourself over his cock, slowly lowering down onto him. his hands immediately go to your hips, holding you in place as you both let out a sigh at the purse euphoria you’re feeling. “pussys so tight baby, you gonna ride my cock?”

“y-yes hoonie” you begin to move, hips rocking back and forth as you rode him. He groaned, his hands going to your tite as he squeezed them gently, causing you to let out a pornagraphic moan, your head falling back as you felt him filling you up entirely. “so big fuck”

you leaned forward, hands going to the headboard to brace yourself. sunghoon began to thrust up into you, his hips meeting yours. “fuck baby you take me so good, can’t get enough of you” you moan, your body trembling as you felt yourself getting closer and closer to the edge.

you leaned in, mouth finding his as you kissed him deeply. He groaned, his hands going to your ass as he squeezed it gently. you felt your orgasm quickly creeping up on you, vision blurry, the only thought in your mind was how perfect sunghoon felt inside you.

you broke the kiss, your head falling back as you felt herself tumbling over the edge “i’m c-cumming baby”. you cried out “fuck yeah baby cum on my cock. show me how good i make you feel” you feel your body shaking as you came hard. “i’m close baby” he tells you, his hips continuing to thrust up into you as he chased his own release.

he moans, his body trembling as he cums hard inside of you. you collapse onto him, your body spent. He wrapped his arms around you , holding you close as you caught your breath.

you sat there for a moment, your bodies still connected. you leaned back, eyes meeting his. you smiled at him, heart racing as you admired his tired out state.

He smiled, his hands going to your hips as he pulled you closer “that was incredible baby”. you wrap your arms around his neck, your body pressing against his. “you really know your stuff” you tell him, the both of you laughing and enjoying the moment,

you leaned in once again, your mouth finding his to kiss him deeply. his hands go to your ass, squeezing it gently. “would it be totally wrong for me to admit how much I want you to ride my face right now?”

you’re a bit taken aback by his sudden confession, but nonetheless it turns you right back on. “why don’t you let me then?” he smiles at you helping you up as you straddle his face, your legs already trembling in anticipation. “no hovering, i want you to sit” it sounds more like an order than anything and boy did it make you excited.

he could see the excitement in your eyes, and it made him hard. he couldn't wait to feel your wetness on his face, to taste you . He curls his arms around the back of your thighs pulling you closer to his waiting mouth. He begins to explore, flicking his tongue against your hardened nub, pressing light kisses as he works his way down to your wet hole. a soft gasp escapes your lips “mm shit”

you couldn't believe how good it felt. you had never felt anything like this before. sunghoon's tongue was magic, and he knew exactly how to t make you feel good. he was practically making out with your pussy, drunk on the taste of you. his tongue plunges in and out of you in a steady rythm that has you seeing stars. “fuck hoon your tongue feels so good” he moans against you, the vibrations causing a shiver down your spine.

you could feel yourself getting closer and closer to your relapse, and he could feel it too. you grind your hips against his mouth in a quickened pace, his slender fingers coming up to rub your clit in tiny circles, sending you over the edge one again, “fuck fuck fuck baby, so so good”

with his lips back around your clit, you came., flooding his face with your juices. He helped you down, laying beside him as you came down from your high. “how was that?” you look at him, still dazed from how good he just made you feel “are you kidding? that was the best head i’ve ever had” he laughs, giving you a sweet, innocent cheek kiss that juxtaposes all the naughty things you both just indulged in. “let’s go clean up yeah?”.

the both of you spend the night in each others embrace. neither of you thinking much about how you were gonna get out of sunghoons room undetected by heeseung or jay. but that was a problem for tomorrow.

taglist: @cornenhapovs @myjaeyuns @magssu @jentlecoeur @heeslut4life @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @jaeyungxrl @rapmonie2047 @anormieee @nishislcve @leesura @en-happiness @heelariously @rikiwaify-blog og @ihrtgyuuu @hoonharem @g0niki @hearts4itoshi i i @yongbokified @shuichi-sama @xiaoderrrr r @skylalyla @yzzyhee @jwnghyuns @seokseokjinkim @syzavxy @xrvrqs @soulvrrs @velvetkisscs @eneiyri @meowmeowjang @simpjay @moonlighthoon @gaylilseokie @seunghancore @heelovesmeknot @nyfwyeonjun @kookify @jayhoonvroom @charlizefaye @mooniikay @nikiswifiee @heemilktea @yorukoshii i @sumzysworld

[suckerforblondeathletes]

Annoying Affections - Jenni Hermoso

Jenni Hermoso x Fem!Reader

Summary: The need for attention though was always granted, because Jenni would always find a way to get her way.

Warnings: Explicit talk about sex Highlighted in red and bold, not good Spanish but don't blame me, blame translate.

Authors Note: I actually like this, first fic with Jenni, def not the last.

Being with Jenni wasn't ever calm, not even when she was asleep.

She is all over you all hours of the day, begging for kisses or hugs, attention of any sort is something she always had to have or she claimed she would explode. That has yet to happed but you don't bring it up.

When y'all are sleeping, she is on top you, wrapped around you tightly, and clingy onto you like your going to leave.

Don't even try to get up to go to practice, the 130 pound, 5 foot 7 Spaniard isn't allowing that when she is still tired and not wanting to get up.

The need for attention though was always granted, because she would always find a way to get her way.

You and Jenni were getting reader for a event, something you didn't even need to go to because you weren't even on the Spain national women's team, but she said that Alexia and Mapi were wanting you to come, so you gave in.

Slipping on a long, skin tight black dress with long sleeves and a low cut neck, you turned side to side, knowing Jenni would love it.

"Hey bebita, have you seen-" You hear the woman walk into your shared bathroom, her words cutting off when she laid her eyes on your figure.

Turning to her, you smile at the look of her face.

"Have I seen what? Do you like the dress?" You give her a spin and she immediately walks over and puts her hands on your hips.

She leans in and presses a bruising kiss on your lips in a way that makes your mind go hazy and your only thoughts are her.

She squeezes your hips before letting her hands roam you body. As she does so you reach up to put a hand behind her neck to pull her closer, the other sitting on her chest that is dressed in a all black suit.

She looked extremely hot, her black hair out and framing her face, the suit matching the color.

She moans into the kiss, her hands going down to the curve of your ass before you pull away.

She frowns at you before trying to lean in again, you back up and look into her eyes.

"We have to leave soon, we have no time." She whines at that, not enjoying the idea.

"Babe please, I will be quick I swear." She begs you, hands tightening their hold on her hips to show how serious she is.

"No amor, you can wait." You say before backing out of her hold immediately, turning to the mirror and picking up your lipstick and leaning closer into the mirror to see better. Making you back arch and your ass sticking out.

But you know Jenni too well, you know she will end up getting her way.

She walks up behind you, planning her hands on your arched hips before pressing her pelvis into you from behind, grinding into you before leaning down and moving your hair from your neck and kissing it from behind.

You put you hands on the counter and try to gain you composure, trying to stick to your word about waiting until later.

"Bebita please, I wanna fuck you so bad. I know your wet for me, Sé que tu coño quiere tanto mis dedos." (I know your pussy wants my fingers so bad.)

You let out a moan from the dirty things she is whispering in you ear, she knew how much it turns you on when she spoke spanish, especially in situations like this.

She is already pulling down your dress by the sleeves, the material being stretchy for quick slip ons and offs.

You knew she would get what she wanted, she always did.

The sun was peeking through the curtains as both you and Jenni slept. The activities from the night prior wore you both out, your legs sore and an familiar ache in between your thighs.

You woke up to the sound of you alarm blaring into the quiet room, you wrapped in Jennis arms and the warm blanket making it difficult to leave it to turn it off.

Jenni heard the alarm and tucked her head into the crook of your neck and she groaned at the sound.

"Jenni let me go so I can turn it off." You rasped out, your throat being sore from being abused the night before by her fingers and loud moaning.

She hesitated, but lifted her arm just enough for you to slip out and switch it off.

When you came back, she sat up and laid on your chest, making it hard to move and get up.

You thread your fingers into the Spaniards raven hair, making her relax more into you.

"Amor, I have to get up and go to training, just because you don't doesn't mean I don't as well." You whisper into her ear, running your fingers through her hair and scratching at her scalp, you other hand running you hand up and down her naked back. Being skin to skin with her at the moment making it hard to stay awake.

She mumbles something incoherent before wrapping her arms tightly around you body. You smile at her sleepy state before remembering your plans.

"Babe, seriously." You nudge her arm to try and move her, to no avail.

"solo quédate en casa" (just stay home) She says, you know she is half asleep by the Spanish she speaks. She never speaks English when she is tired or almost asleep.

"No love, we have a game coming up and I need to train." You take this time to admire her face, her long lashes and swollen lips, probably mirroring yours.

You get to response from the forward, you can tell by her breathing, she is asleep.

You put yourself into that position by scratching her scalp and rubbing her back, knowing that it quickly puts the spaniard asleep.

You smile and accept defeat by pressing a kiss to her head and reaching for your phone and dialing your coach.

You knew she would get what she wanted, she always did.

Likes and reblogs are appreciated!!

[infiniteglitterfall]

friggin faux-Palestinian history, istg

I'm in the middle of writing a post about the difficulties of pinning down details and dates in Palestinian history. This one is just me stopping to vent for a sec.

I came across the Wikipedia page for GUPS, the General Union of Palestinian Students. This is an organization with groups at colleges all over the world. Ish. It's shrunk over the decades.

The page made a bold claim: that GUPS was officially founded in Cairo in 1959, but had really started in the 1920s.

I called bullshit. The only source cited was a dead link to the 2010 version of the SFSU GUPS page, which said the same thing -- no context, no source, and especially, no explanation of how Palestinian student organizing could have started before there were colleges or universities in Palestine.

There were two. They were tiny. And they both taught in Hebrew.

Certainly, there could have been Arab Palestinian students there, who learned Hebrew there, or already knew it.

But were there so many that they started a student group that apparently lasted 35+ years before getting a name??

I could not find one other source for this.

So I deleted it and called bullshit.

Within a day, someone who wasn't even logged in reverted my edit. They told me that I hadn't proven that it was wrong, I'd just said it was illogical.

I started looking up sources and putting together a more detailed edit. In the meantime, I started a topic on the totally empty talk page, politely calling bullshit.

I said that I hadn't been able to find any sources in English OR Arabic that confirmed this claim, and that I thought it was an error made on a dead page.

The same person, now logged in, replied:

"you still haven't refuted the claim. the claim is still on their web page."

BRUH.

IT'S AN ARCHIVE OF A DEAD PAGE. BY DEFINITION, IT DOESN'T CHANGE.

This is exactly how it feels to research any of this stuff.

Every single time, it turns out that people's unsourced online bullshit is absolutely wrong.

Every single time, people just respond by insisting on believing whatever claim some rando made on the internet.

The problem is not that Palestinian history doesn't exist, hasn't been written down, or hasn't been researched. Of fucking course it has!!

(I have literally seen people claiming the contrary in the most wild-ass fucking ways. Supposedly-pro-Palestinian people, acting like Palestinians are wooby powerless fuzzy babbies whose books were all stolen by the cruel Jews 80 years ago, who had no way to replace that historic knowledge, and who have just been standing around ever since. It is the most Western Paternalism shit ever, and it absolutely drives me up the wall.)

The problem is that this is a topic that a lot of people are passionate about. And unfortunately, a whole lot of people are unwilling to back down on literally anything that "feels" pro-Palestinian to them, whether it's true or not.

It's purely going on Vibes, but the Vibes themselves are based on how something compares to the Vibes they get from social media and stuff.

And those vibes are so extreme and vehement that any kind of pushback sounds like You Love Genocide And Kill Babies For Fun.

It's just a fucking vicious spiral.

It's like playing tennis against the tennis-ball-throwing machine. It's not a real game. Nobody is engaging with you. It's just the same shit over and over.

(I was trying to type "shot." But apparently I swear so much that instead of autocorrecting me to "ducking hell," my phone now INSISTS I meant to cuss.)

I ended up getting Google to give me the Arabic for GUPS, and then digging for sources about its actual origin.

It turns out Yasser Arafat formed the Palestinian Students League in Cairo in 1949, and that became GUPS in 1956. This is entirely fucking unsurprising in any way if you know anything at all about actual Palestinian history. Of fucking course he did. This also explains why the first search result I found about GUPS was from the PLO. Of fucking course it was.

[pink-sparkly-witch]

All She Wants, Part One

Summary: As an Omega, Y/N’s biology dictates that she needs to be claimed and have pups. Despite seeing her through her heats for years, Dean – the Alpha Y/N wants to settle down with – refuses to give her what she needs.

Pairing: Alpha!Dean Winchester x Female Omega!Reader

Rating: 18+ Only

Bingo Square: The quote: “Don’t try to alpha me. It won’t work.” for @j3bingo which is highlighted in bold.

Warnings: omegaverse, A/B/O, A/B/O dynamics, language, ruts, heats, smut (well… technically, it’s smangst and could be perceived as tw: dub-con), p in v, dirty talk, breeding kink, claiming kink, knotting, angst, Dean is a bit of an asshole, fighting, canon level violence, arguments.

Word Count: 3.5k

A/N: Well, we get straight into the filth under the cut with this one! I hope you’re ready for some angst alpha Dean! Buckle up, buttercups, and enjoy the ride! Please consider reblogging to spread this far and wide around this Hellsite, or leave a little comment. It really does fuel our muse. If you’re too shy, or too cool for people to know you read fanfic and you don’t want it showing on your blog, you can submit an anonymous ask or drop me a DM 💖

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“Fuck, Omega, you’re dripping all over my cock,” Dean growls as he slams into you again. This is the eighth fucking he’s given you in the past three days, and it’s sure to be over a dozen by the time his rut is over.

You and Dean have been doing this for years. Whenever he’s in a rut, you get him through it, and whenever you’re in heat, he’s repaid the favour. At first, it was easy; a means to an end. You knew each other, you trusted each other, there was an attraction between you, and it was less risky than disappearing off the face of the earth for five days with a stranger, especially when any alpha could claim you with or without your consent.

As time passed, you’d done what you promised never to do; you caught feelings. Once that happened, becoming emotionally bonded to Dean was no longer a choice, and in all ways but wearing his mark, you and the green-eyed hunter had mated.

“Such a sweet fucking pussy, baby girl. Can’t get enough of it,” Dean’s voice had deepened with his arousal, and you knew the alpha in him was slowly taking over.

You groan at his words. He’s always good with dirty talk and can turn you into a weak, whimpering mess with a single word.

“Mine.”

But it’s all talk. Dean has told you plenty of times that you could never be anything more. And the more years that passed, the harder that’s been to accept. Every month when your heat ended, you swore it was the last time. Your biology dictated your life, and if an alpha didn’t claim you and give you pups, you’d go feral and die.

Dean’s knot is beginning to swell; you can’t feel him as deep as he had been. He drapes himself over your sweat-slicked back to give himself better purchase to push and shove into you, desperate to get as deep as he’d been a few minutes ago. It’s a futile effort as he won’t get what he wants until his knot has slipped inside you, but being surrounded by him – his weight on top of you, breathing in his scent – is a euphoria you could never get enough of. It’s the reason you’ve always ended up under him.

“Alpha, please,” you beg pathetically. “Need your knot.”

“Yeah? You gonna be a good girl and take my knot, ‘mega?” Dean grunts in your ear, his knot beginning to catch at your entrance.

“Yes, Alpha!” You gasp as Dean’s hand wraps around your throat, pushing your head to the side and exposing your neck.

“Of course, you are, ‘mega. Always such a good girl for your Alpha,” Dean grunts, thrusting harder and harder, trying to force his knot inside your walls, but he can’t quite slip it into your tight, slightly tense channel. 

“Gonna fill you up so good, baby girl. Knot you and fill you. You want that, huh? Want my come? My pups? Want me to ruin this pretty little neck with my mark?” he grunts, teasing your delicate skin with his teeth.

You moan, feeling another bout of slick leaking from you at his words. It’s all you want, and you choke back the tears at the regret you feel about ever starting this vicious cycle; at the cruelness of him using what you so desperately want to loosen you up enough to take what he wants.

And you hate yourself because it works.

“Yeah, I know you do, Omega. You just gotta let me in. Let me in, and I’ll fill you so good, baby. There’s no way you won’t come out of this pregnant.” You try to remind yourself that it’s only words, and you’re on birth control anyway, so it’ll never happen, but you can’t help but wish there was truth in them. 

Dean lowers his head, and you shiver when his tongue licks over your mating gland and his teeth nip at your skin.

“Alpha!” You scream, finally reaching orgasm as his knot breeches you and locks your bodies together for the foreseeable future.

“That’s m’girl,” Dean growls as he grinds into you, the tip of his member kissing your cervix. He jerks his hips, shoving impossibly further inside you, and you whine at the pleasurable pain.

“No fucking pussy better than yours, ‘mega, and it’s all fucking mine,” Dean roars and you feel the heat of the first ropes of come hitting your quivering walls, sending you into a second orgasm.

Your elbows can no longer hold your weight, and you collapse onto the bed. You hate how Dean knows what buttons to push to get you to give him what he needs. You hate your body for falling for his words. And right now, as you experience a third orgasm that has you fighting between euphoria and disgust, you’re glad Dean hasn’t claimed you, and a chemical bond is non-existent, so he can’t feel the torment you’re currently going through.

You sigh as the waves of your climax roll away, and your body melts into the mattress. Behind you, Dean moans low and long as your relaxed body allows his knot to slip in deeper, and he empties everything he has into your womb.

Dean has never come so hard with you before, and you wonder if the claiming and breeding talk did it, or if it was because he’s never been so deep inside you before. Or if he, like you, is finding it harder to fight his instincts.

He carefully rolls you both onto your sides and wraps himself around you protectively, placing soft kisses across your back and shoulder. It’s the first sign that his rut is ending, and it doesn’t surprise you that it’s a day early, given how much of his come you can feel swirling in your belly.

The afterglow you’d been basking in is quickly overshadowed with dread because you know this is the last time this would happen. You can’t keep doing this to yourself. Dean will never want more with you than what you have right now. He’ll never reciprocate your feelings for him, and you refuse to put yourself through it any longer.

“You okay, Y/N? Was I too rough?” Dean asks, pressing his lips to your spine, and you know for sure he’s out of his rut because he called you by name and not “Omega” or “Baby Girl”. And if using your name hadn’t given it away, then his concern for you would have.

“No,” you say quietly. You try to shift away from him, yelping from still being locked together tightly and stretched to almost unbearable pain. You want to cry, knowing you’ll likely remain that way for over an hour. At one time, that would’ve made you the happiest little omega on the planet, being tucked safely in your alpha’s arms, him locked in you so tightly, but right now, you just want to get away from him.

“Easy, sweetheart,” Dean soothes, running his hand up and down your side. “We’re gonna be here a while. It hasn’t been like that since my first rut, and I’m jammed in there pretty tight,” Dean chuckles. “Fuck, that felt good!”

You remain still and silent, not wanting to cause yourself any further pain, and grateful that if the tears you’re holding fall, you can blame it on the discomfort you feel.

“Uh, you know all that talk about claiming and pups was just that, right? Dirty talk?” Dean speaks, breaking the silence that had formed between you. “Because this life ain’t the place for weaknesses like mating bonds and pups.”

“I know.” It comes out in a whisper, but at least you didn’t burst into tears at the final nail in the coffin of your relationship with Dean.

“Good,” he states, pulling you further into his body and settling down to sleep.

Now all you need to do is wait until Dean’s knot deflates and he’s sleeping deeply. Then you can shower the stench of the alpha from your body and return to your room. Your space. Your haven. Your nest.

ONE MONTH LATER

The trouble with witches is that they’re more intelligent than most people give them credit for. And vindictive. They’re also the most vile monsters on the planet. Still, you can’t help but admire them. Not that you’d ever admit that out loud, but you can’t deny the genius of the one you’re hunting right now that’s had the three of you running around in five different states trying to catch her.

When your luck finally turns, and you find her hideout undetected—a hundred miles from the bunker, no less—the three of you get takeout and beer in the motel room, and form a plan to take the bitch down.

As the sun comes through the threadbare drapes, rousing you from the first restful night’s sleep you’ve had in weeks, you still feel tired and too hot. Trying to kick the duvet off your overheated body, you feel a solid block behind you and sigh. Sam and Dean had insisted you all share a room, knowing you’re all on the witch’s hit list and are safer in numbers until she’s dead, so you know it can only be Dean behind you.

Becoming more awake, you notice Dean nuzzling into your neck, his lips resting on your mating gland, and his calming, intoxicating scent surrounding you. This is the closest you’ve been to him since his rut a few weeks ago, making your stomach lurch.

Quietly slipping from the bed, you smile wistfully as the green-eyed alpha whines at your sudden absence. Dean has been looking at you strangely these past two weeks. You know that he knows you’re pulling away from him, but as always with the two of you, it’s gone unspoken. Dean never talks about his feelings, and the last time you did, well, let’s just say that’s when you knew you and Dean were a sinking ship.

Grabbing underwear, jeans, a vest top, and flannel from your duffel bag, you make your way into the bathroom, wanting for once to have a long, hot shower without it turning cold when soap suds are still in your hair because the boys have used it all up.

Fully dressed and towelling your hair, the first signs of this month’s heat make themselves known as your skin prickles and the twinges start in your lower belly. This will be the first heat you’ve endured without Dean in a long time, and you pray to Chuck or whoever the fuck is running things upstairs now, that you’re strong enough to handle it.

Taking two Tylenol for the impending cramps, and a suppressant to try to ease the other symptoms of heat, you brush the tangles from your wet hair and head over to the diner to get breakfast for yourself and the two alphas, the younger whose bed is now empty having gone out for his morning run, and the older who is still snoring, his nose buried into the pillow you’d slept on.

DEAN’S POV

Dean is pacing the motel room. Y/N’s scent is still strong in the air and tinged with the beginnings of her heat, a scent that always drives him fucking wild. Her damp towel hangs on the heated rail in the bathroom, so he knows she hasn’t been gone long, but he’s worried about her. Especially lately. And especially with a conniving witch bitch hellbent on vaporising them.

Y/N has been pulling away from him lately, and her sharp tongue has left him licking his wounds more than once. He’d been wracking his brain, going over their every interaction, trying to figure out what he’d done to piss her off. What hurt him the most was her obvious despair at having to share a bed with him last night.

He and Sam agreed the three of them would stay in one room until they’d killed the bitch. They were all on the witch’s radar, but if they stayed together, at least they had safety in numbers. When he gave the news to Y/N, she looked at him as if he’d kicked a puppy right in front of her, and that felt like a knife to his gut.

He’d even thought about saying she could sleep with Sam, but the very thought of that made him want to tear his younger brother’s throat out, so he had no choice but to grin and bear her cold shoulder and the cold bed.

Not able to make and take comfort in a nest for herself, Y/N had situated herself on the bed as far away from him as possible and contorted into the tiniest little ball she physically could, making it abundantly clear to him and Sam that she felt extremely vulnerable. Dean knew that hurt not only him but Sam too.

The sound of footsteps outside the room makes Dean grab the gun filled with witch-killing bullets from the dresser and point it at the door. He relaxes his stance and lowers the weapon when he recognises Sam’s shadow through the grimy motel room window.

“Have you seen Y/N?” Dean barks at his younger brother the second he walks through the door.

“Yeah, she’s sitting in the diner eating breakfast. I ran past her a couple of minutes ago,” Sam replied, stretching his calves and putting his earphones away.

“You talk to her?”

“No. I thought it best to give her some space. With the way things have been, and, you know, she’s on the verge of a heat and, uh, she hasn’t really been herself lately, and last night with the…” Sam sighed. “What happened between you two, Dean? Because that is not the happy Omega we know.”

“I wish I knew, Sammy. I really do, but I’m at a loss here.” Dean starts to pace again, in obvious distress and breathing deeply through flared nostrils.

“When was the last time things were okay between you?” Sam asked.

“My rut last month. But even then, the last time we, uh… you know… she was off.”

“Dean,” Sam’s jaw clenched, hoping he didn’t have to kick his brother’s ass for forcing himself on her.

“I knew she was distracted. Her head wasn’t in it, and I needed her so bad—” The dawning of realisation washed over the green-eyed alpha’s features, and he felt sick.

“What did you do, Dean?”

“I, uh, I fucked up. I had to get creative with some dirty talk to slick her up enough to get my knot in, and I… fuck!” Dean sits on the bed, places his head in his hands and pulls at his hair.

“Dean,” the younger alpha’s nostrils were also flaring now, but it was from anger as opposed to his brother’s distress.

“I played on what she wants. What she really wants, Sam. I’ve always been clear with her about what we have and never used any of what she… but that night, I told her I’d claim her and give her pups.” And just like that, everything makes perfect sense to Dean. Y/N is pushing him away because she desperately wants what he teased her with. “And then, as we lay there locked together, I told her it was just talk, and I could never give it to her.”

“Jesus, Dean! You’re telling me you used her by telling her you’d give her what she wanted, then you broke her heart by taking it all back, saying she could never have it so that you could knot her? That’s low, even for you!” Sam scoffs.

“I never said she couldn’t have it. I said I couldn’t give it to her. She’s leaving me, Sammy. It’s why she’s been pushing me away. Why she feels vulnerable around me now and wants her own space all the time.”

“Yeah, and you fucking deserve it!” Sam growls as he swings for Dean, clocking him in the jaw with an almighty crack. “She loves you, Dean! And you treat her like an omega whore you’ve paid to see you through a rut?” As the younger Winchester pulls his fist back and lands another punch, the door slams, making both men jump at the sudden movement.

“Enough!” Y/N’s voice verberates through the room. “What has gotten into you two?” The pack dynamic they’d forged for themselves had Y/N as the matriarch, and so her maternal tone had them shuffle their feet and look to the floor. “We have bigger problems to deal with right now, and you two fighting like a couple of juveniles will only give the witch the ammunition she needs to take us all down!”

“Sorry, Y/N,” both alphas mumble like a couple of scolded pups.

“I brought breakfast. Eat.” It’s an order that neither alpha dared disobey. They shuffle their way over to the small table, sitting down and eating silently while Y/N checks and rechecks their duffles for the witch hunt.

Y/N’S POV

Edging silently along the wall, gun in your hand, locked and loaded, you can hear a woman’s voice and Sam grunting, and realise you only have seconds to get this right. Taking a deep breath, you step into the room, and your eyes scan the surroundings.

Sam is against the wall, struggling against invisible restraints, and the witch speaks in Latin. Knowing that can only mean trouble, you raise the gun and take a second to get your aim right between the bitch’s eyes.

It’s a second too long, and she whips her hand to the right, your gun flying from your grip and landing across the room, as she continues her Latin chant as if you weren’t just trying to kill her.

You run at the first purple spark emitted from the witch’s palms, putting yourself between Sam and the witch without hesitation. You’d missed the first part of her curse, but you’d heard enough to know that the youngest Winchester could absolutely not be hit with it. You needed to get in front of it. You couldn’t let her ruin all three of your lives.

Closing your eyes, you wait for the curse to hit, but instead, a gunshot rings through the room, and everything goes silent. You don’t get hit by a gust of wind or an electric shock… just nothing.

Peeking an eye open, you see the witch lying on the ground, blood pouring beneath her and Dean glaring at you expectantly, his nostrils flared in anger. Not wanting to deal with him right now, you rush over to Sam, scanning over him and checking he’s okay.

“Sam! Are you hurt?” you ask as you crouch beside him and scan his body for visible injuries.

“No, just winded. I’ll be fine. Are you alright?” Sam touches your forearm to stop you from fussing about him.

“She’s a hell of a lot better than she coulda been!” Dean yells across the room. “What the fuck were you thinking, Y/N, huh? Throwing yourself in front of a witch like that, you coulda been killed!”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Dean. I’m—” Dean cuts off your response, marching towards you with his index finger pointing at you.

“I swear, if you say ‘I’m fine,’ so help me!” Dean only stops when he’s toe-to-toe with you, and he puffs his chest and rears his shoulders back, trying to intimidate you. Trying to make you submit to him.

“I am fine, Dean. The curse mentioned a brother, so it wouldn’t have affected me anyway,” you argue back.

“It could’ve killed you for all we know!”

“Dean, you need to calm down,” you implore.

“And you, Omega,” Dean says, his voice low and full of alpha authority and his finger dangerously close to your face, “need to start following my orders and stop purposely disobeying me because of some stupid tantrum you’re throwing! Go wait in the car.”

You do the worst possible thing you could do right now and laugh, before turning and walking away from him. You won’t let anyone speak to you like that, and you definitely won’t let Dean, either.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?… Don’t you dare walk away from me, Omega!” You can smell his pheromones from where you are and know that not only is it in pure anger, but because he’s extra on edge having being able to smell your heat and is starting to get antsy.

“Don’t try to alpha me. It won’t work. You haven’t claimed me, Dean. I am not your omega. You made it very clear that I’m only good enough to be your rut bunny, and you know what? I’m done with that, so stay the hell away from me!”

“Y/N!”

Once again, you completely ignore him and keep walking. It’s hard because your body screams for him, but you won’t let him use you. Not anymore. Never again.

“Omega!” he roars again, and you walk out the door, slamming it behind you.

Screw waiting in the Impala. You’ll make your own way back, grab your bag, and go to another motel for the night. It was going to be a long enough car ride back to the bunker tomorrow, you needed some space—for everyone’s sake.

Next Part>>

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[buckets-and-trees]

Peering In My Hollow Core

Characters/Pairings: Nomad!Steve x Morally Grey!Female Reader Word Count: 2.4k Summary: Even the best laid plans can go up in flames. You're both wrong, and yet also more right for each other than you know.

Content Warnings: explicit smut, DUBIOUS CONSENT due to sex pollen, masturbation, rough fucking/vaginal sex, unprotected sex/ejaculation

Logistical Notes: I claimed prompt 13 for @lunarbuck's Star-Crossed Lovers Soulmate AU challenge and also knocking off I1 "masturbation" for @the-slumberparty's August/September Bingo challenge. And because you know I can't resist... it's also using one of the prompts (first bolded line) for @witchywithwhiskey's Horror Movie Hoe-a-thon! And it's answering an ask I got from one very mischievous @stargazingfangirl18 that's been on my mind for the last two weeks.

Additional Notes: @biteofcherry and @vonalyn let me suss out how this evolved, so thank you for enduring my brainstorming! Eva also gave a line of dialogue inspiration that I found too delicious not to snatch up, and so that's bolded for acknowledgement as well (near the end). Title from Scars by Basement Jaxx.

↠ Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

“What’s your grand plan here, Doc?” The golden-haired, bearded hulk of a man, America’s golden boy now a rogue in the shadows is pacing before you. “Are you even a doctor?”

His tone is biting, angry, and you don’t hold it against him.

He did fall right into your trap.

“You’re a smart boy, you can guess.”

“I want to hear you say it.”

“I think it will bruise your ego more if I spell it out for you.”

“You should have thought of my rage before you put yourself in this situation, Doc,” he all but growls, still prowling back and forth across the living room floor. “What’s your exit strategy here?”

“You’re getting more volatile and heated, that’s good. That’s what I need.”

“Do you think this is a fucking game? You’re on dangerous ground.”

Your lips curl up slightly, but you try not to smirk. “I dangled myself in front of you. Good Captain America couldn’t resist trying to liberate the poor scientist who got wrongfully entangled with the remnants of HYDRA. You never even stopped to consider that I was dangling myself out in the wind to get you here like this, and you’ve read enough about HYDRA, you know what I gave you.”

“But why?” he barks.

“No one can beat you for strength. You’re driven, resourceful, able to evade an attack. Your weakness is caring,” you pause because he stops his pacing, he looks ready to spring, but doesn’t yet. His eyes haven’t left you for even a moment since he realized it’s you he needed to worry about, not save. “I need your DNA, blood samples, bodily fluid, and I can’t trap you with anything, but I banked on the one physical vulnerability even a super soldier isn’t immune from: a compound they initially developed as something called a sex pollen. In fact, I think you know they tested it on a super soldier, don’t you?”

He slams his fist on the table between you two, and it splits from his actions.

You shouldn’t have provoked him with that. It wouldn’t yield the results you were trying to manipulate him into.

“Easy, Nomad,” you raise your hands cautiously to ease the tension just slightly. “That’s what they call you now – Nomad is the moniker now that you can’t be Captain America out there to the world anymore.” He flexes his fists, another angry reflex, but one you know speaks to a slight de-escalation, self-regulation. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t agree with everything HYDRA has done.”

He lets out a bitter laugh.

“I don’t,” you insist.

“If you’re not in with them, you’ve made a deal with a devil you’ve vastly underestimated.”

“They’re a means to an end.”

“How can you be so foolish to think that?”

“No one will fund my research at the rate and without regulatory oversight the way they do. They’re desperate to have more of you but under their thumb, especially since you’re at the root of them losing their prize assassin.”

“You’re not stupid, so why are you giving them what they want?”

You lift your chin defiantly.

Steve’s eyes narrow. “Oh god. You can’t tell me… Really? You think you’re gonna keep your research and development from them in the end?”

“Look at what I’ve done so far,” you gesture. “You’ve evaded every attempt they’ve made to get you, you’re evading all the countries who are supposed to enforce the accords and hand you over, and yet I have you trapped here.”

“Why do you care about a super soldier serum?” he asks.

You shrug. “I’m interested in a serum, but I don’t need super soldiers. The list of your medical ailments before you were injected, and then you’re instantly cured of everything? Do you know how many people need even a drop of what cured you?”

“And you think I’d be opposed to that?”

You scoffed, “Yeah, easily. Once the research exists, it will get applied for things it was never intended to be used for, up to and including developing super soldiers for HYDRA and people who pretend they’re better than HYDRA.”

“So, who has made you this desperate?”

“You don’t get to know that.”

He scoffs now. “You don’t get to set the terms here if you intend to get what you want.”

“Don’t I? You’re uncomfortable. You’ve been uncomfortable for a while. It’s going to get worse, but I adapted the formula for what I gave you in that drink of water. All you have to do is ejaculate, and the toxin will abate from your system.”

“How thoughtful of you,” he deadpans.

Then his demeanor changes. He sniffs, and his eyes finally stray from you.

“You said this house is reinforced in its lockdown to keep me in until you initiate and secure your extraction with the HYDRA team?”

“Yes,” you answer slowly, trying to follow his line of sight and decipher what he’s looking at.

“I think you’re going to need to adjust your plans and priorities and do it quickly.”

You open your mouth to ask why, but then your mind quickly makes the leap. “They modified my ventilation system.”

“HYDRA has refused to be eliminated for decades. They can wait for a purebred super soldier and think they can get one in your womb today.”

The heat of humiliation floods your body. How could you have been so foolish not to account for a maneuver like this. They had clearly approved of your strategy too easily.

“Soon you won’t be able to think about anything more than my cock in your cunt, so you better start thinking of how you’re going to get yourself out of this, Doc, because Nomad is not who everyone knew Captain America to be, and I’m certainly not inclined to assist you in any way now. Been doing fine evading capture as you yourself asserted, I can probably figure out my own exit strategy here and fight off the sex pollen until I make it out. But for someone without any biological enhancements… I’m not optimistic over your odds. I read everything on HYDRA. This stuff was nasty when they first developed it, but you can bet they will have reverse engineered whatever you did to the formula to make it even worse.”

As if on cue, you start to feel the physical effects of whatever nearly imperceptible airborne toxin – imperceptible to you, but apparently not to enhanced individuals. Heat flares again in your body, but this time it is a pulsating sexual need.

You close your eyes to try and keep your breath steady and even, but after another moment, you whimper and draw your hands to your stomach as the poisonous desire pulses more strongly, the tremor of need undeniable.

Your eyes burst open again, seeking out the male across the room from you.

He chuckles darkly. “Oh, no. I’m not giving you anything you want. If you’re as brilliant as you think you are, you don’t need me to get out of your unfortunate predicament.”

Your body is yearning for him, but you know he’s serious.

You also know he’s right; you need to think fast.

You’re coherent enough to get both of you out of the lockdown state of the house now – because HYDRA was clearly going to come for both of your – you had a failsafe to get out in case there was some loss of electrical power. But could you get away in this state?

And you know if you get out, you’ll never get the DNA you need from Steve Rogers – you’ll never be close enough to or even see him again. You know that in your bones.

Over the next hour, at different points during the feverish state that overtakes you, you can sometimes hear the super soldier nearby, doing things around your home, undoubtedly trying to apply his own ingenuity.

He might be successful.

It hardly matters.

Now you’re in the shower, under a stream of cold water, trying both to alleviate the unbearable heat your body has peaked to and to hide the sound of your sobs as best you can. You’ve stripped down to a nearly naked state. You ripped off your shirt and pants in your room, left them on the floor, your panties are on the tiled floor outside the shower, but you couldn’t spare your hands to remove your bra. At first you were almost experiencing a sliver of relief with one hand between your legs, paying every attention to your excessively slick folds and throbbing clit, thrusting your fingers in and out of your cunt as well, but it was a false grasp at hope.

You don’t know when you slid down the tiled wall of the wet glass tomb where you think you may die, curled in on yourself, one hand still trying pointlessly to trigger the orgasm that will flush the desperate physical pain from your body, surely it must come.

You don’t know how long he’s been standing in the doorway of the bathroom before you try to shift pathetically, your eyes open, and you see him slowly stroking his hard cock, watching you. You shut your eyes again, in agony wondering how he can possibly seem so collected. Why isn’t he pumping his fist in a frenzy? You couldn’t stroke your clit fast enough, and now you can’t bear to touch it, but the heel of your hand can’t help bumping it as you try to fuck yourself on your fingers.

Then a rush of air blasts over your body.

You open your eyes weakly to see Steve reach to shut off the water, before he bends down and without a word grabs your limp body from the floor, drapes you over his arm, where you hand limply, bent in half, and he hauls you back to your room, and throws you on the bed.

You continue to cry and stroke yourself while you hear him unzip and unfasten, your body a trembling heap, facing away from him as he’s undressing.

“I’m going to fuck you, and then you’re going to let me out before HYDRA comes for both of us. You’re fucking clever and I can’t get out of here without you.”

You whimper when you feel his weight on the bed behind you.

He forces you into a kneeling position, but he doesn’t care that you can’t even prop yourself up, head and shoulders slumped down on the mattress, ass in the air. His left hand grips your hip, and he groans as he guides the head of his cock up and down the slit of your dripping cunt before he finally slides in. It’s deliberate, sliding down to the base, his hips pushing into yours. The way he invades and stretches you is painful, and yet you need it, keening at the fullness.

You do catch that his breathing hitches.

He needs this, too.

You’ll give it to him if he’ll just put your body out of its misery.

After a moment of slowly rutting against you, only shifting his girth inside of you a bit, teasing, perhaps warning, you whine, “move, please, more.”

“More than you bargained for,” he growls, then pulls back, and then thrusts back into you, adopting a brutal pace, both hands anchored at your hips now, slamming you back and forth roughly.

He pulls a first orgasm from your body quickly, but the second comes not long after when he reaches around to pinch and roll your clit between his fingers, still using your pussy for chasing his pleasure.

A third, and you’ve gone from whimpers and keens to crying out and a fresh wave of tears. This is rough and you’re over stimulated, and he knows. He leans over your back to smirk against your neck.

“Please,” you cry. You don’t know if you’re begging for more or for less because your body is screaming in exhaustion, but the fire is still tormenting your veins.

Because you haven’t been filled.

The smirk turns to a sneer against your neck, and Steve snarls, "You wanted it. You staged it. So, you're going to take it and keep fucking taking it until I'm done with your pathetic fragile body."

He’s pressing into places you’ve never felt before, and you cry out more, face pressed into the sheets. He pushes back up and pulls his cock out of you. His fingers work the clasp of your bra, and he pulls it off while he flips you over so you’re on your back. You can’t even open your eyes, but you feel him looming above you, kneeling between your splayed out thighs.

But then you feel something shift. He mutters a curse and is suddenly still.

You open your eyes and look up at him, but he’s looking at your chest. His hand moves up to trace his fingers over a scar near your collarbone. You look and see the same scar evident on his chest.

You reach up and your fingers quest along his bicep, and they do find a scar there, very faint but long, matching one you’ve had nearly your entire life.

Your eyes lock on each other now, and the acknowledgement there between you is terrifying.

There are more scars, but you don’t need to continue to confirm what you know.

You’re soulmates.

You’ve betrayed him before you even knew.

You’re still beholden to the drive of the sex pollen, boneless and exhausted, but this revelation drives with adrenaline through the haze, too hard to deny. It gives you enough to say, “We can’t deal with this now if we want to get out of here with a chance to escape HYDRA, fuck me and end this.”

He does, but he can’t look at you. He buries his head in the crook of your neck, and spears you with his cock. The fucking is rough, and you take it. It’s punishing penance and painful pleasure. You cling to him as he thrusts you over the cliff of ecstasy again, coming with you finally, and his spend pumps hotly into you. The physical relief from the torture is blessedly immediate. His hand ghosts over your lower abdomen where he’s just planted his seed. With his eyes closed, he touches his forehead to yours, then pushes roughly away and rolls off of you.

“Get up, get dressed, pack light,” he says, stone cold. “Between us we might get out of this dangerous trap. That’s all we need for now.”

↠ Main Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

I do not do tag lists, but FOLLOW @buckets-and-stories and TURN ON NOTIFICATIONS to be updated any time I publish a new work!

[osarina]

to the anon - i’m putting it under the cut because i’m not bringing discourse to my dash again. you are right in that you’re getting blocked, but i'm afraid that's where it ends!

i don't know WHERE you get the inclination that you think i think i'm being "cool" by my previous message, i'm sure that you think you're cool coming on anon to act like the selfship police, but i'll entertain your shitty asks one last time. i did not LIE about anything you said, that's a bold and absurd accusation.

i fear that is common sense. if someone does not have their exact age on their account and gives a vague range instead, you're a crossing a boundary by pressing for that exact age range to call them "weird". don't play stupid, it's not "mature" of you.

but quite frankly i don't CARE what you find weird! i am not aging myself back to being 18 again in my fics, i'm portraying the two of us at the stage in our selfship when we would have both been 18. when people write childhood friends to lovers, and the scene includes them being 12, they are not "regressing themselves" to be 12 again to selfship with a 12 year old version of a character. they are creating plot and substance to that point in a timeline and that's NORMAL. that's how writing works. i can write the 18 year old versions of me and dazai from the past in my fics to portray that portion of the story while still being in the 20s! i like substance and background to my selfships.

what about this is NOT judgmental? you come into my ask box judging me for having a selfship with dazai and pressing me about my age while calling it "weird" (that's a quote!) there is no twisted narrative here, you're acting like the selfship police. more than that, you're prioritizing the feelings of someone that does not exist over the feelings of a real life person. comparing someone in their early twenties to finding comfort with a character that is LITERALLY THEIR AGE is fucking absurd. dazai is 22 currently, he was 18 once. i am in my early twenties currently, i was 18 once. ???? i'm going through the timeline of what our relationship would've been like. comparing this to someone who is 50 selfshipping with a 14 year old is INSANE. that is a FOUR decade difference, not a few years. be fucking real right now, i actually can't believe someone typed this out and thought "wow this will totally get her!!"

again - your "simple question", if you put a little thought behind it, crosses boundaries. don't YOU lie. you can play innocent all you want but we all know that if someone doesn't have something explicitly stated - ESPECIALLY when they have an alternative there - it is CROSSING BOUNDARIES to press and ask for it. you can play innocent and stupid, but it's not going to work here, sorry. i'm not going to let you come onto MY blog and disrespect me.

... let me understand this .... dazai left in the spring .... his birthday is in the summer .... dazai is eighteen when he leaves the mafia .... meaning his birthday in the summer passed (and thus spring as well), so he left the next spring ... which means he's been 18 for nearly a whole year ............ regardless of the fact that you just disproved your own point, you sent no source and i'm afraid i'm not going to just take your word because i cannot find ANYTHING on this topic online.

on this topic, i never claimed to be the end all knowledge of dazai, i am not asagiri, i don't know everything and i dont claim to. but continue to get your snide comments in, i hope it makes you happier.

i allow simple questions when they are not rude and disrespectful. furthermore, i am NOT a content creator. i am a person who enjoys writing and enjoys sharing it. this is my personal blog, i don't make money from this. i will repeat - i am NOT a content creator, i don't like that term and the implications/expectations that come along with that. and this ask is precisely why.

this is the end of this discussion. there is one immature person here and it is YOU. you can act innocent and play stupid, but everyone knows that wasn't meant to be a simple question, and your response is even more showing of that. you're not going to come onto my blog - MY safe space - and disrespect me. the moment you ended that ask with "it's weird" it becomes rude and judgmental. if it was meant to be a simple question, you would have cut commentary altogether.

comparing someone who is in their early twenties selfshipping with a character who is ALSO in their early twenties to someone who is 50 selfshipping with someone who is 14 is actually insanity. i will always add substance and backstory to my selfships, just like i do with my fics. if you don't like that, kindly stay off my blog.

and claiming that i'm immature when you're throwing a fit in my inbox over someone selfshipping with a fictional character is more telling of you than me.

i will reiterate one last time that i am not a content creator nor do i want to be treated like one. this is my personal blog that i write fanfiction on. i don't get paid, i don't get sponsorships, brand deals or anything. i write fanfiction for myself and i share for those who might be interested. i'm not going to sit here and be told i'm "bad" at something that i'm not because you have a preconceived idea of how i "should" be acting because you presume i'm something that i'm not. it says right on my nav that this is a personal blog.

you're blocked, this conversation is over. i hope you reflect and realize why you were wrong here and you don't put another writer on here through the same thing.

i hope you have a good life and heal. peace and love.

[eoieopda]

Can I request Jimin and the backwards relationship trope? Idk if that makes as much sense in words as it does in my head. Fuck buddies —> friends —> lovers kind of thing? Happy Drabblepalooza, Milestone, and five month Tumblrversary, lovely! You’re a gem 💎

tysm bb! i love this prompt 🥹

the one with the clownfish and the anemone

pairing: park jimin x gn!reader type: drabble (suggestive fluff) | wc: 863 rating: 18+ (minors dni) au: fuck buddies to friends to lovers cw: no explicit detail re: smut but it’s mentioned that they do, in fact, fuck; implied cumshot, lol; alcohol mention. summary: jimin entered your life by chance, but he stayed by choice. ⚠️ 18+ only ⚠️ minors and ageless blogs will be blocked, on sight. my content is not for you. i do not want to interact with you. please respect my boundaries.

It started, as most things do, with soju. Too much soju, to be specific. 

As if there’s any other kind.

You were bold, but Park Jimin was bolder. He saw you at the bar, gave neither a shit nor a fuck that you were out with your friends, and sidled right up to you as if he belonged there. You balked at his audacity, but it worked. He slipped seamlessly into your life that night. 

And then, when you and your friends parted ways, he slipped his hand into yours. Slipped into your bed, into you, then back out the door like some thief in the night. So it goes, you thought. You went through the motions of your nighttime skincare routine, and went soundly to sleep in a post-soju, post-sex haze.

A few weeks passed by before you saw him again, entirely by chance. As it turned out, the gym you frequented — well, maybe not that frequently — sat centrally between your apartment and his. Neighbors, he mused. No neighbor you’d ever had fucked you like he did, pressing your back to a perforated metal door in a locker room, smelling like salted sweat and orange, sugar-free Gatorade.

“You’re an idiot,” you told him, dead serious. “Blue is the best flavor, hands down.”

He laughed so hard his eyes disappeared. “You’re an idiot. Blue is not a flavor.”

When you went your separate ways that night, he left with your phone number. He claimed it was in case of emergencies, shot you a wink, and disappeared again. Just like the last time, you went back to normal, albeit with the grooves of a locker door imprinted into your back.

It took him three days to text you, and it wasn’t an emergency. Not to you, anyway. To him, it might’ve been; he was trapped, bored, at some friend’s bachelor party and needed an out. Needed you, he said, can I come over? So, he did — all over your tits while you were still gasping for air underneath him.

Life continued like that for months: inconsequentially. You came, he left, and the two of you left it like that. It was nice, having someone to pinch hit whenever a date didn’t pan out, or work was especially stressful. Or it was a Tuesday, or it was raining, or just because.

“It’s symbiotic,” you explained, and he nodded.

With a nonchalant wave of his hand, he offered, “Like a clownfish and an anemone.”

It shouldn’t have surprised you, but it did every time. The person fucking your brains out on a semi-regular basis had brains of his own; and he was funny. He was thoughtful, too, which was something else you failed to account for.

The first time he showed up unannounced on your doorstep, he had a takeaway container in his hand. You were unwashed and entirely unprepared for visitors; and Jimin didn’t seem to notice — if he did, he kept it secret — that you were as much of a mess as your apartment. He simply stepped inside, handed you hotteok from the street cart you wouldn’t shut up about, and then he stayed.

You kept to your respective seats — him on the couch, you sitting cross-legged on the floor by his shins — and neither of you sought to change that fact. It was the latest you’d stayed up since college, and it was the hardest you’d ever laughed. The pair of you got through three movies, back to back, before he left to sleep in his own bed. The squeeze he gave your hand on his way out the door felt more intimate than anything else you’d ever done together.

So slowly that you couldn’t track the motion, Jimin slid into your daylight hours as if he belonged there. You took turns dropping coffee off to the other at your respective offices. You grabbed salads after your joint excursions to the gym as a way of apologizing to your bodies for what you'd just done to them. You called him to complain about your parents; he texted you every morning with your daily horoscope.

And throughout the months you spent like this, soaking into your routine, you didn’t realize that fucking was no longer part of it. It hadn’t been, not since you sat and ate hotteok on your living room floor. Fucking was casual, and this meant far more than that.

Whenever you found yourself in his lap now, it was because you loved to take up more than your fair share of the couch, and his thighs made the perfect pillow. He was comfortable. You were comfortable with him. So much so that your position, combined with the way he played idly with your hair, put you most of the way to sleep.

He must’ve thought you were all the way gone because he whispered, “I love you,” like he was sharing a secret.

It was mumbled through barely-opened lips when you replied, “I know,” just before taking his hand from your hair and brushing a kiss across his knuckles.

Though you didn’t say it out loud, you know he heard it, that he felt it, because — for the first time — he stayed the night.

[jwirecs]

RECOMMENDED NCT FICS OF JULY 2023💖

hello, hello! here are my nct recs of july! hopefully these beautiful stories get more recognition as well as the writers 💝

** anything in parentheses and bolded are my thoughts that can be disregarded if needed **

🔞smut || 💔angst || 💕fluff || ✅completed || 🔄ongoing || 💯favorite

Baseball (& Other Disasters) || @tqmies💕✅

↳ Everyone admired Mark Lee, starting pitcher of your school’s baseball team and famed ladies man. You, on the other hand, only know him as the boy who broke your dorm lobbies microwave the first time you met. Too bad that was all it took to grow an embarrassingly huge crush on him. So when he comes to you, in need of a new baseball manager, how could you say no to that face? (Spoiler: You couldn’t) 

Let You || @waerie💕✅💯💯

↳ jisung would never let anyone ruin his game, so he says to his friends. but the claim deteriorates when you come. (stop this is the cutest jisung fic that i have read in this month. fcking enjoyed this fic so much with all of the cuteness)

Reminiscing || @ihaechans​​​​💕✅

↳ Time flies. Especially with best friend and nerdy ride or die Mark Lee. Reminiscing on the rooftop leads to foreign emotions and forgotten memories to rise to the surface, and the obvious tension between you two can no longer be avoided.

April Showers || @lelengerine💕✅

↳ you never liked staying out while it rained, but perhaps you’d be okay with being all soaked if it meant being with him.

Caramel || @nctmiami💕✅

↳ jaehyun can’t wait to get home to you after a boys trip

Exhaustion || @xrenjunniesx💕✅

↳ moving houses is tiring, but it’s easier when you’re with your loved one.

Flustered By You || @lelengerine💕✅

↳ your boyfriend surely knows how to make you flustered, even when he’s the one who should be.

Fucking Up The Sheets || @ah-ga-seven​​​​🔞✅

↳ (no summary, but its just jaehyun casually fcking up the sheets.)

Rule Number 1: Don't Fall In Love || @jaylaxies🔞💕💔✅

↳ your ex getting a girlfriend after just two weeks of breakup was enough to infuriate you to the point where you had to step up and make him regret breaking your heart. solution? fake date his best friend and make him jealous!

How About Now? || @nctsplug02🔞✅

↳ Anon Req: Recently I been thinking about romantic sensual sex with Johnny but it lasts like the whole night. Different positions, cuddles, cream pies UGHHHHHHHH I WANT THIS MANNB 😭😭😩😩😩

Lowkey || @onyourhyuck🔞✅

↳ You and Jaemin are best friends but behind the close doors you have a lowkey relationship that no one knows about.

Wicked Games || @cherryeoniis​​​​💕✅

↳ And even as your heart breaks, you can’t deny that having him against you feels like your own small piece of heaven.

After You || @ryozaki21🔞💕💔✅💯💯

↳ Na Jaemin had it easy. Loved by everybody, the man of everyone's dream. He's a perfect mix of a charmer and a player. Girls begged to be his, and he loved every part of it. Life used to be so fucking perfect for him. Then comes you. You're like an old book, ink fading, cover tearing, but he swears you're worth the read. Before you, life was easy. After you? He wasn't so sure.

Blue To Orange || @seren1tyhaze🔞✅

↳ your break up leaves you with a plane ticket to Greece on a couples trip with your best friend and her partner. she convinces you to still come on the trip and you meet two strangers who leave you with memories of long nights under a stunning starry sky.

Dog Sitting Gone Wrong || @onyourhyuck🔞✅

↳ You were hired by a rich man to babysit his daughter, when you arrive you realise his daughter is a dog and you’re now dog sitting while he is out running errands.

Hotel Paradise || @jaesheart🔞✅💯

↳ you visit an exclusive brothel for the second time to satisfy your needs.

My Little Doll || @haechansdoll🔞✅💯

↳ Humans have hormones, you understand that much. But does that explain why you can't stop the filthy daydreams that fill your head whenever you see a specific redhead? Does it excuse you for getting turned on by him simply breathing in your direction? And to make matters worse, he is off-limits, if your father found out you were messing with his prized boxer? You would be chained to a tower and your red-haired crush would be used as mincemeat.

Sunday Sinner || @smileysuh🔞✅💯

↳ “Everything is wrong,” Mark sighs. “Doing this with you two is wrong. Wanting you this badly is wrong. Getting hard in Church is wrong. What I want to do to you is wrong. But… as crazy as it sounds, it also feels right.”

The V Week Spy || @smileysuh🔞✅💯

↳ Every year, seven days before Valentines day, sororities and frats are paired together, and eligible himbos, hoes, bimbos and fuckboys alike volunteer to be raffled for a chance to become the year’s V Week Spy. V Week is open season, with outings and parties tailored to be the perfect excuse for sexscapades, with the knowledge than 1 boy and 1 girl are undercover, grading sexual performances. Once the week is over, at the annual Valentines Day Party, the evaluations are presented- It’s a bad time to be unsure about someone’s feelings towards you, and an even worse time to fall in love. (get out, this literally screams the mafia game but sexedition. i love it)

Wanna Ride? || @onyourhyuck🔞✅💯💯💯

↳ (if you enjoy reading biker!au's, yall should really read this series. cause sht was wonderful af and spicy)

Strawberry Sunday || @doiesfav💕✅💯

↳ You realized that your daughter would feel awkward with his own dad sometimes so you decided to do a picnic to help them improve their relationship.

Dirty, Little, Traitor || @onyourhyuck🔞✅

↳ Wherein you asked your roommate Mark to help you out with rearranging your room but ends up rearranging you instead.

Ice Cream Thief || @tddyhyck🔞✅

↳ someone has been eating haechan's favorite ice cream so he decides to put a hidden camera in the kitchen and living room thinking it's a shared space it shouldn't invade anyone's privacy... right?

Safety Zone || @cherryeoniis​​​​💕💔✅💯

↳ Mark Lee. The most perfect roommate and best friend that you could have asked for - except for the fact that he constantly messes up your laundry and can’t cook eggs very well. Even then, that doesn’t quite stop you from falling for him in your final year.

Finding Cinderella || @justalildumpling💕💔✅💯

↳ it wasn’t often jeno showed emotions of love and affection, let alone kissing a stranger at a party that he doesn’t even remember?! determined to find his nameless cinderella, he began searching the campus far and wide but as hidden secrets started surfacing, he started to wonder whether the midnight spark was meant to be pursued after all.

*i think half of my reblogs for july for nct were all texts, and i am fine with that. so for this, imma rec the ones that had me choking on my spit from cackling.*

Getting Picked Up Texts || @ohmygs-blog💕✅

↳ Anon Req: "hi, can I request where the dreamies are picking u up from school/work? cause everyone at work was picked up by their partners and I’m here waiting for a taxi cab lol y isn’t haechan picking me up smh 🤦‍♀️ thank you so much! I really love your works, and I really look forward to your new posts, they make me happy! ^^" ("you can ride on my handlebars" i cackled a bit too hard that i choked on my spit.)

Pulling Another Member's Photocard || @onyour--ash💕✅

↳ (the title says it all. haechans is fcking too real. my guy i like looking at mark too. but also jaemin having a jeno collection, im ngl he probably does have a folder on his phone dedicated to jeno.)

Fuck The Police || @loudstan🔞✅💯

↳ Your ability to read people's minds is very useful for the police during interrogations. And that's how you meet Yuta, a werewolf accused of stealing a car.

Do check out all of the other NCT Fics that i have reblogged as well!!

** if there is any fics that you guys would like to recommend, please do! i am slowly running out of fics to read **

[daisynik7]

Rush

Chapter 8: Do I Wanna Know?

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x f!reader

Rating: Explicit

cw: cunnilingus, vaginal fingering, spitting, daddy kink, vaginal sex (mating press), heavy on the angst this chapter

Summary: After the events of Halloween, you finally start questioning your relationship with Eren. Meanwhile, he attempts to do some damage control to keep both you and his reputation in check, ultimately resulting in more damage. 

Notes: Song is "Do I Wanna Know" by the Arctic Monkeys

Previous Chapter | ao3 | Next Chapter

Rush Series Masterlist

Rush Series Taglist

----------

The Sunday night after Halloween, Alpha Tau gathers upstairs in the fraternity house for their weekly chapter meeting. Tonight, Levi makes a particularly interesting announcement. 

“In about two weeks, Alpha Tau will be hosting its annual fall formal. For you pledges that aren’t familiar with this yet, formal is a special event that happens each semester. It’s essentially a dance. There will be a DJ, dancefloor, photo booth. In addition, dinner will be provided. Luckily, because of our clean record so far this semester, thanks to our partnership with Sigma Nu Kappa, the Student Affairs Committee has approved us having an overnight formal. Meaning we will be renting out a hotel for the night.” 

Most of the seniors cheer loudly at the last part, especially Mike. Eren clenches his fist, the memory of the other night still fresh in his mind. He can’t stand the guy, especially knowing he had his fingers in that beautiful body he’s made claim to. He’s not one to be possessive, but with her, he can’t help it.

Levi continues. “The cost of formal is already included in your membership fees, so I highly encourage every brother to attend. Also, each of you is allowed one guest. This can be anyone: a friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, whoever. If you plan to bring a date, make sure you get their signature on the sign-up form. I’ll be handing these out at the end of chapter. Please get these to me by next Sunday.”

Reiner turns around to face Eren. “Got a girl in mind you want to ask?”

He shrugs. “Not really.”

It’s a bold face lie. As soon as Levi mentioned a guest, he immediately thought of her. Her all glammed up in a gorgeous dress, them grinding against each other on the dancefloor, making love in their hotel room when the night is over. 

He allows himself to fantasize about it for a minute before coming back to reality. 

As much as he’d like to ask her to be his date, he can’t. As easy as it would be to just be with her, he won’t. He justifies it to “not being ready”. Asking her to be his date is another level of commitment that he’s not willing to step into yet. He needs time. This is what he’s convinced himself of. 

The more time he spends with her, he finds himself forgetting why this relationship has to be so goddamn difficult. It’s on him; he knows that. His reasons are selfish and immature. Not being ready for commitment. Caring too much about his reputation, which isn’t all that great anyways. It’s all bullshit excuses at the end of the day. 

Eren doesn’t want to fall in love. He’s afraid. Afraid of being vulnerable, afraid of getting hurt. Being in love complicates everything. He enjoys being free, unshackled, able to do what he pleases. Responsible only for himself and nobody else. Allowed to fuck up as many times as he can without repercussions. Because he will fuck up. He’s young, dumb, and selfish. Why burden anyone with his flaws? 

But when he’s with her, he’s happy. In a way, he still feels free. Weightless, liberated, unbound. As if a whole new world has been opened up to him, as cliché as that sounds. She makes him feel worthy, makes him feel loved. 

And that’s what scares him the most. 

It’s not love. How can it be? Aside from the amazing sex, what do they really know about each other? Eren has done his best to avoid revealing anything about himself. She’s kept a similar guard, probably just as afraid as he is. 

It’s lust. That’s all it is. That’s what he keeps telling himself.

He wishes he had met her in a different time in his life. Maybe after he’s gotten all this dumb, frat boy energy out of his system. It would be easier for them. It would be different. Better. 

He knows what he needs to do eventually. He has to end it with her before it gets too serious. Their time together on Halloween night felt different. He exposed himself, revealed a little too much of his feelings.

She’ll never leave him; he’ll string her along until the time is right. He’ll continue to drag this out as much as he possibly can. Continue telling her what she wants to hear, getting away with his sins until he decides it’s time to move on.

He’s got it all under his control. 

“You should bring that girl Pieck,” Reiner suggests, snapping Eren out of his thoughts. “Bertolt is thinking about asking another Delta Mu also.”

Eren shrugs again, unsure how else to respond. His big brother turns back around to face the front as Erwin makes his closing statements, ending chapter. 

On the way out of the meeting, Armin nudges him. “Who are you really thinking of taking to formal?”

“What do you mean?”

“Just because Reiner is telling you who to bring, doesn’t mean you have to take them. Isn’t there anyone else you’d like to ask?”

He doesn’t answer right away, tempted to be honest with his best friend. However, Eren is still a coward that won’t admit to anything that shows off a sign of weakness.

“I think I will ask Pieck. I hung out with her on Halloween. She’s cool.” Wanting to take the focus off him, he asks, “Who are you going to take?”

“I’m going to ask Annie,” Armin states confidently. 

“Annie? Really?”

“Yes, I like her. We have fun together,” he explains, smiling. 

Eren can’t help being envious at how easy it is for Armin to confess his feelings. Again, he questions himself why he’s making his own relationship more difficult than it needs to be. 

On their way to their dormitory, Eren gets a text message:

Mikasa is sleeping over at Jean’s tonight.

Without a second thought, Eren lies to his roommate. “I’m going to the library for a couple of hours. I forgot I have a paper due in a few days for Pyxis.”

“Oh, okay. Good luck. I’ll see you later.”

Eren turns to the direction of the library until he’s out of Armin’s line of sight. A few minutes later, he’s outside another familiar dorm building. There’s a mixture of excitement and anxiety as he waits for her to come down. They haven’t talked since that night. He abandoned her when they were caught by Hitch and Annie. In that moment, he panicked. Instead of explaining himself like any normal, mature person would, he fled the scene, hoping she would be able to fix whatever mess they created. 

She’s in sweats when she opens the door, motioning him to come in. Even in this outfit, his heart flutters at the sight of her. 

“Hey,” he greets her, a small grin on his lips. 

“Hi.” She returns his smile with her own. Warm and bright as ever. 

It would be so easy. So easy to be together, Eren repeats in his head, as he follows her upstairs. 

~~~

Up in your room, as soon as the door is closed, he steps towards you with both hands on your cheeks, kissing you passionately. Your lips smack together, tongues sliding in and around each other’s mouths, hands pressed against his chest. You kiss like this for a minute, your pulse beating fast under your skin.

He breaks away, foreheads touching, noses nuzzling. “Hi,” he whispers. 

You smile. “Hi.”

You get onto the bed and lie besides each other, his arms wrapped around your body. “How are you?” He gives you a smooch on your forehead. 

“I’m fine. Chapter meeting was quick. How about you?”

“Same. Uneventful, as always.” He squeezes you tighter in his embrace. “I’m sorry about Friday night. For running off.”

You’ve had nearly two days to digest all that happened that night and how it plays into your current situation. The rollercoaster of emotions, beginning with denial, peaking at anger, and halting at shame, is causing you to spiral. You spent hours Saturday morning, lying in bed, refusing to accept that Annie is absolutely correct: you do deserve better. You are better than this. And when the realization finally hits you like a bag of bricks, the rest of your Saturday is wasted pacing around campus, letting off steam caused by this newfound contempt for Eren Jaeger. The blatant disrespect from him that you so fervently overlooked is impossible to deny any longer. 

This leads you into Sunday, when the guilt of how you failed yourself starts to consume you. The burden of realizing that you got yourself into this mess weighs heavy on your chest; the burden to escape it weighs even heavier. 

Yet, you lie here with him on Sunday night, wishing for a sign of redemption. Anything to prove that all this was worth it. That it still is worth it. Holding out hope for some type of forlorn act of love. 

He clears his throat. “I freaked out when I saw them. I didn’t know what to do, so I just ran. I’m sorry.”

You stay silent, waiting for any additional explanation, maybe a more valid reason for ditching you. Nothing else comes out of it. Eventually, he clears his throat again, obviously uncomfortable, asking, “So, what did you end of telling them?”

You choose to leave out the details of what Annie said. It’s not the right time. You don’t want to confess to him that it’s been eating away at you for the past two days. Not yet. “I told them that we’re hooking up.”

“Did they have anything to say to that?”

“Not really. They were just surprised.”

He chuckles. “Annie isn’t necessarily the biggest fan of me, so I’m sure she’s secretly upset about it.”

She did not keep it a secret at all, you think to yourself, remembering her disgust very clearly.

“They’re not going to tell anybody, are they?”

“No. They’re my friends. They’re not going to say anything.”

“Good.” His relief doesn’t bring you comfort. Rather, it causes you more stress. He’s so desperate to keep you a secret, and for what? To save face? Protect a reputation that barely exists in the first place?

“Would it be so bad? If people know? What’s the big deal?” You’re already preparing yourself for a disappointing answer. 

Before he replies, he reaches his fingers down to your chin to tilt your head up. “I want to be with you, okay? I just need time.”

“Time?”

“Yeah, to get used to this. I’m not really a relationship or commitment person. This is all new to me. Just give me time. I promise you. It’ll all be alright.” His eyes look earnest. Honest. Sweet. 

The trouble with Eren Jaeger is that he is a master at his craft. Manipulating a situation to go his way is a skill that no one can compete with him in. And it’s taken you several weeks to recognize how easily you fall for it. 

You leave it at that, tired of hearing excuses, exhausted of empty promises. You start kissing him, palming his cock until it’s hard beneath his pants. This is how it always ends up with you two. This is the only thing you’re good for. 

A few minutes later, you’re both naked, you on your back, thighs spread open as he eats you out, pumping his fingers inside you. You’re the same obedient girl that gave your virginity to him. Allowed him to defile you, to ruin you. It’s what you wanted, what you fantasized about. And now you are dealing with the consequences. Picking up the pieces that you willingly let him destroy.

“Fuck, you’re such a good girl. Such a good girl for daddy,” he hums, flicking his tongue over your clit, middle and ring finger working overtime in and out of your cunt. 

You allow the ecstasy to smother you, because the only way to feel good with Eren is like this. He doesn’t have to know that your mind is filled with doubts, regret, insecurity. And, as he sends you into your first orgasm of the night, you temporarily forget about all the imperfections in this shady relationship. You let the lust and pleasure justify why you’re still here in bed with him. 

When you come all over his fingers, he doesn’t stop. He keeps going until his digits are wet, shiny, and sticky with your slick. He sucks on your clit until it’s swollen and sensitive. Until you’re whimpering with tears rolling down the sides of your face. Until he’s had your fill of you, and you’ve given him all that you can offer. 

Without warning, he pulls his fingers out of you and slides his hard cock up and down your arousal, spreading your cum over your clit. You hear the click of the lube bottle, the soft squelch of oil being rubbed on his shaft, the gravely moan resounding from his throat. 

“Are you ready, baby?” 

“Yes,” you breathe out.

He kneels in front of you, positioned between your legs. His cock glides into your sleek pussy easily, eliciting a low moan from his mouth as he bottoms out. He thrusts into you slowly, spreading your thighs out wider for a better angle. He watches you swallow his entire length, a satisfied smile forming at his lips, as he continues to penetrate your sloppy cunt. 

“Fuck, baby. Look at you. You’re beautiful.” His eyes drift up to meet your gaze. You try to suppress the flutter in your belly, reminding yourself that he only says this when you’re beneath him, surrounding his cock. Giving him what he wants.

“Take this cock, take this fucking cock. Good girl, good fucking girl,” he growls, sliding his hands under your thighs and pushing your knees closer to your chest. He has you in a fucking mating press, pounding your G-spot ruthlessly, determined to milk you dry. 

“Fuck!” you cry out, fists clenching the sheets, eyes shut tight as he drills you into the bed, completely lost in the heat of passion. You hear him spit twice, his saliva trickling onto your puffy clit. Suddenly, his fingers are on you, stimulating your messy bud smeared in his drool. The sensation overtakes you. Soon, you’re coming once more all over his cock, pussy throbbing around him.

“I want to fill you up, baby. Fill you up with my fucking load,” he moans. Both his hands are holding onto your legs, pushing them towards your shoulders into a goddamn yoga pose. Your cunt is so wet, you’re worried he’ll slip out any second. 

He orgasms inside you, groaning as he comes down from his high. “Fuck, baby. Wish I could take a picture of this.” He pulls out to marvel at your drenched pussy, biting his lower lip. 

Turning your head to the side, you stare blankly at the wall of your bedroom, brought back to reality. Nothing has changed. He’s still the same Eren. Your body feels good, spent and satiated, as it usually does when he’s finished with you. Your mind, however, is focused on all the problems that remain. 

He chuckles, crawling next to you, asking, “You okay?” Completely unaware of the turmoil taking over your mind. 

You nod, staying silent as you sit up, ready to make your usual post-coital trip to the bathroom. His hand grips at your wrist. “Hey. Baby. Seriously, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just have to pee,” you tell him. Not yet. It’s still not the right time.

“Okay,” he relents, loosening his hold on you. 

You slide into your pajamas, avoiding his gaze. From the corner of your eye, you see him looking at you with a worried expression. Does he actually care?

As you exit your bedroom, anxiety creeps into your chest. It feels like the calm before the storm. 

Sometime soon, you’re going to crack. The burden of it all is going to break you, cause you to snap. Unleash the hell that’s burning in your fragile soul.

Not tonight, not in this moment. But soon. 

You’ll finally be free.

~~~

The days pass and Eren’s timeline for turning his sign-up form is dwindling. He’s been debating with himself all week about how he should proceed with this. 

Thursday night, the brothers of Alpha Tau eat dinner together in the dining room. Those that live in the house are prepared food everyday by their house chef. Pledges are allowed two meals a week, free of charge, as long as an active brother signs them up as their guest. Tonight, Reiner invites him to eat with them. 

“Have you asked Pieck to formal yet?” Reiner shoves a spoonful of mashed potatoes into his mouth, waiting for a response.

“I haven’t,” he replies, taking a bite out of the meatloaf on his plate. He knew this was going to come up eventually. 

“Well, what are you waiting for?” In a hushed voice, he leans in closer and urges, “Just don’t take a Sigma Nu Kappa. Anyone but them. A lot of brothers are already taking them. We need to add some hot girls in there or else we’ll be the laughingstock to the rest of the frats.”

It’s a ridiculous statement. Truly. Reiner is an idiot. Apparently so is Eren for going along with everything he commands. 

“I don’t even know how to get a hold of her. I only met her at the Halloween party.”

“Ask Bertolt to help you out. He’s taking another Delta Mu sister. She can let Pieck know you’re interested.”

Eren has been procrastinating doing this on purpose. Once he asks Pieck to the dance, he has no other choice but to break the news to her. He’s nervous for how she’ll react; she’ll probably come up with some smartass comment to make him feel guilty. She never stays mad at him, though. Never. He has her wrapped around his finger, and he shamelessly takes advantage of that. 

“Fine. I’ll ask Bertolt to help me set it up.” 

Reiner pats his back. “Don’t forget to sign up for a room with a single bed. I’m sure you’ll be using it.” He gives you a cocky smirk, going back to scarf down his meal. 

Eren hangs out on the couch after dinner, digesting. He checks his phone frequently, waiting for any type of text inviting him over. He hasn’t talked to her since Monday morning, when he whispered a soft “good morning” as he crawled out of bed to get ready for the day. Even though they spent the night together, she didn’t say much. Usually, they chat with each other before drifting off to sleep. She was much quieter on Sunday, only nodding along and providing short responses as he babbled on and on. He attributes it to exhaustion from the amazing sex, Eren finally trying a position he’s been fantasizing about doing with her.

On his way out of the house to retreat to his dorm room for the night, he spots Annie walking out of the Sigma Nu Kappa house. “Jaeger,” she calls out, before he can avert her.

Reluctantly, he turns to face her. “Hey.”

“Come here for a second. I want to talk to you.” Her expression is the typical scowl she wears whenever she sees him. He wonders if she’s typically like this with others or if this frown is specifically reserved for him. 

“What do you want?” 

She sizes him up, eyes narrowed. “Geez, what’s with the attitude?”

“What do you want?” he repeats, already losing his patience.

She twirls a strand a hair between her fingers. “Armin asked me to formal.”

“Yeah, he told me he was going to ask you.” He still can’t fathom how his best friend, who is a gentle teddy bear, plans to attend a dance with someone as callous and deadpan as Annie. Then again, he hasn’t been spending much time with Armin to discuss this recent development. 

“So, when are you going to ask her? I heard the deadline is on Sunday. It’s already Thursday.”

Eren plays dumb, placing his hands in his pockets and shrugging. He doesn’t owe anyone, especially Annie Leonhart, an explanation. 

She glares at him, crossing her arms over her chest. “What are you doing? She’s a nice girl. Why are you messing around with her like this?”

The accusation irritates him. Defensively, he responds, “I’m not messing around with her, okay? And I know she’s a nice girl. Why do you think I keep her around?” 

Her eyes get narrower, scrutinizing him. “She’s not a plaything, Jaeger. She’s a human being.”

“Yeah, I’m aware of that.” 

“Do you even know how she feels about you?” 

There’s a growing guilt building in his chest as he tries to remain unbothered by this hostile confrontation. He keeps silent, unsure how to react. Truth be told, he doesn’t want to know. Knowing will only make it more difficult for him to let go. To move on. 

She scoffs. “You’re pathetic.”

“And you’re nosy,” he spits out. “What the hell did you tell her anyways? She’s been really distant lately. Hasn’t been talking to me much.”

A small smirk forms on her face. “I told her the truth. Told her what she needed to hear.”

“What does that mean?”

“If you don’t know, then you really are hopeless.”

Eren rolls his eyes, having had enough of this conversation. This is typical Eren. When he’s put in a tough situation, he walks away. Sometimes runs. He turns away from her, not at all interested in being harassed any further. 

Before he moves, she warns, “There are a lot of people who care about her. If you hurt her, you will be reminded every day of how badly you fucked up.”

It sounds like a threat. With Annie, it probably is. 

Without facing her, he says, “I care about her too, Annie.” His voice is soft, maybe even a little vulnerable. Admitting it out loud is unusual; he’s surprised to hear his own mouth utter these words. 

“Then act like it. I thought you didn’t let other people influence how you think or feel. Remember you told me that? Don’t let Reiner influence your decisions. Believe it or not, I at least have more respect for you than him. Don’t be a disappointment.”

With that, he makes his way back to his dorm room, Annie’s words sticking to his mind no matter how hard he tries to disregard them. She’s right; he knows what he’s doing is wrong.

Don’t be a disappointment.

It’s too late for that. 

~~~

Friday night, Sigma Nu Kappa hosts their monthly pizza night. The sisters gather in the kitchen, assembling their personalized pies, handing them over to their chef who bakes them in a portable wood-fired oven. During these special nights, all sisters, whether they live in the house or not, are allowed to participate. 

Hange, who always tries to make the smelliest pizza possible, topped with anchovies, olives, onions, and garlic, is regulated in the corner of the room, eating her meal alone with a twisted smile on her face. Petra, Nanabe, and the other seniors talk amongst themselves as they munch on their dinner, discussing upperclassmen topics unrelated to the rest of the sisters. 

You eat with Mikasa, Annie, and Sasha on the couch, watching a comedy movie on TV. After some idle gossip, Sasha brings up a topic that catches you off guard. 

“Who else is going to Alpha Tau’s formal, besides Mikasa and Hitch?”

“Hey, I haven’t been formally asked by Jean yet. He wants to do it after a nice dinner tomorrow, bless his heart,” Mikasa explains, a sweet smile on her face. “Who’s taking Hitch?”

“Connie!” Sasha answers, proudly. “I set it up. Just call me Cupid.”

“Armin asked me. And I said yes,” Annie mentions in a quiet voice, blushing.

“Armin?! Oooh la la, Annie!” Sasha teases, resulting in a firm punch to her arm.

You notice Annie glancing at you, imploring some sort of comment. 

“I didn’t even know Alpha Tau is having a formal,” you say. Eren hasn’t mentioned it all week. In fact, he’s barely contacted you since Monday morning, when he kissed you goodbye before leaving for his morning class. In his defense, you haven’t made any effort to reach out to him either. You can’t help but wonder if he’s planning to ask you eventually. There’s still that glimmer of hope you’re holding out for him, despite how fast it’s dwindling.    

Annie glares, clearly upset. However, she doesn’t say anything, still adhering to her vow of silence in regard to your secret. 

“Mike is probably going to ask you,” Mikasa mentions, smirking. She found out about your little fling with Mike on Halloween and has been pestering you about it since.

You return her smile. “Maybe.” 

In all honesty, you wouldn’t mind going to formal with Mike. After that night, you still consider him a friend. The few times you’ve passed by him this week, he’s acted normally, greeting you with that handsome grin that he wears so confidently. If you weren’t so fucked up in the head by Eren, you could definitely see yourself falling for Mike, the way he deserves. The way both of you deserve.

Instead, here you are. Still wishing more than anything that Eren asks you to this formal. Setting your expectations so high, you can barely see the top. It’s laughable. It’s pathetic.

You spend the rest of the night at the house, watching another movie snuggled next to your sisters as you all share a big bowl of popcorn. Mikasa leaves before you, heading to Jean’s for the night. Instinctually, you reach for your phone, ready to text Eren. Before you can, Annie nudges you. 

“Hey. Let’s walk back together. I want to talk to you.”

The two of you leave the house, slowly making your way towards the dorms. You’re concerned about what she wants to tell you, anticipating it has something to do with Eren. “What is it, Annie?”

She sighs, staring down at the ground as you both take your time walking. “I’m just going to say it, okay?”

You nod, eyebrows knit together with worry. Anxious for another truth bomb she’s sure to drop in this moment.

“I don’t think Eren is going to ask you to formal.”

It’s inevitable; your heart falls. The sinking sensation dwelling in the pit of your stomach slows down your steps, as if gravity is pulling you towards the ground. “How do you know?”

“I ran into him last night. I asked him and he didn’t give a straightforward answer.”

“Oh,” is all you can mutter as you process this information.  

“Also, I overheard something.” She pauses, debating if she should continue.

“Annie,” you urge her, desperate for the truth.

She gulps loudly, admitting, “I heard he’s taking someone from Delta Mu.”

There’s a cluster of emotions rushing through your head. He’d rather take anyone else besides you, the girl he’s been fucking the past couple of weeks. He was on his goddamn knees just a week ago, begging to have you. Granting whatever wish you desired to nestle himself inside your body, the one you offered him on the fateful night that initiated it all. 

You’re as much to blame as he is, falling for his tricks. For that low voice that can lull you into a trance and manipulate you into submission. Those compelling eyes that dazzle you, hiding the true nature of his cold, frigid heart. 

While your feelings for him have always been true, there are far too many red flags now to ignore, to make excuses for. Time and time again, you’ve let the waves of pleasure purify the sins of your messy relationship, if only for a short while at a time. Not anymore. This is the final straw. 

Now, you want revenge. To hurt him the same way he’s hurt you. Pull the rug out from under him like he’s done to you in the past. Make him feel something. It may sound cruel and petty, but you don’t care. For the first time since it started, you have clarity. 

“Are you okay?” Annie asks.

“I don’t know. But I think I’m starting to see things more clearly now.”

She gives you a small smile. “That’s good to hear.”

After dropping her off to her building, you head to your room, alone. Repulsed by the idea of inviting Eren over with this new information swimming around in your head. Coincidentally, your phone rings, flashing his name across the screen. 

“Hello?” you answer, attempting to keep your cool. 

“Hey,” he greets, his gruff voice taking a different effect on you now. “How are you?” 

“I’m okay.” You keep your responses short. Not in the mood for the typical pleasantries of a phone conversation. 

You hear a sense of trepidation in his voice, as he says, “So, not sure if you’ve heard already, but there’s this formal coming up for Alpha Tau.”

“Yeah, I heard.” 

You hear him clear his throat, nervous. “I’m going to take Pieck. From Delta Mu.”

Gut punch. Annie prepared you for this, but to hear it from his own voice doesn’t soften the blow. 

Before you can respond, he continues. “It doesn’t mean anything. Reiner told me to take her, so I am.”

He’s a coward. A fucking coward. Always abiding to what his big brother demands him to do, for no good reason. And you’re a fool for letting it go this far. 

“Okay.” 

“Are you mad? It’s just formal. It’s not like I’m dating her or anything. I won’t even dance with her if it makes you happy.” The audacity he has to justify it, to make it seem like what he’s doing is no big deal. It takes all your willpower not to scream into the phone. 

“If you really want to make me happy, you’d ask me to go with you, instead of some other girl,” you state.

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re not supposed to be seen together yet. I’m not ready.” Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

“So, it’s okay to be seen with a Delta Mu, but not with me?” you challenge him, anger seeping through your voice. 

“It’s not like that. Just give me some more time, okay? I just need more time.”

Officially fed up, you quickly say, “Yeah, okay. Got it. Have fun at formal.” You hang up, not waiting for a response. 

Time. You’re sick of hearing this. He uses it as if it’s the magic word that erases all your problems, an excuse to prolong your suffering. You’re not even sure what he needs time for. Does he need it to get over his own insecurities? To grow up and make adult decisions? To realize he cares about you? Regardless, his time is running out.  He didn’t even have the decency to tell you any of this in person. It was all through a fucking phone call. 

Eren Jaeger truly is a coward. The biggest coward of them all.

Your limit has been reached. This is your breaking point. 

 You know what you have to do. 

----------

End Notes: We’re nearing the end, folks! I have three more chapters planned, plus an epilogue. Thank you again for those who have read, commented, liked, and reblogged any or all parts of this so far! 

----------

Taglist:

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[habitual-creatures]

Intro post.

Intro post

HEYA, IT'S YOUR LOCAL BAD HABIT HERE TO MESS AROUND WITH YA AND ANSWER SOME QUESTIONS OR WHATEVER.

AND EVAN'S HERE TOO, I GUESS...

[Please read this whole post as the rules, character information and more are found under the cut! Thank you!

REGARDS, Mod Evan :D]

First off, Ground Rules

( Written and compiled by Mod Evan 💜💙 )

No NSFW/NSFT asks (suggestive is okay, but be overly freaky, and I will block you.)

I am fine with most other asks, including RP, but please be aware that I may be inconsistent!

If I tell you to back off, listen. I have boundaries for a reason. Just like you.

Second, Blog Expectations!

White text is MOD text, purple text is (usually) in character (for HABIT) and blue text is (usually) in character (for Evan), unless otherwise specified!

Understand that I am NOT part of emH

I may NOT be 100% character accurate at all times

Any and all answering is at the Mod's (my) ability to respond, motivation, and overall remembering this blog exists.

As this is PARTIALLY A ROLEPLAY blog, the views expressed may not reflect the views of the mod. (I am saying this as a just in case we get into like... more gore-ish and torture-ish topics because of HABIT'S personality.) Understand that the mod is a separate entity.

In addition to the roleplay blog comment (making this one for any fictives, introjects, etc...), I am not attempting to butcher HABIT or Evan as a character, but I may not always be accurate as my roleplay blogs (this is my 2nd) will always have a twinge of my personality tainting them. So i apologize in advance for any "I would not fucking do/say that" moments.

One final point on the "HEY! I'm a ROLEPLAY blog" thing, is that my "in character-ness" may also be affected by my kinshifts, as I am a HABIT/Evan multikin myself, so... that will also influence my replies.

I will use typing quirks such as ALL CAPS, colored text, strikethrough, bold, italics, small text, and possibly even alternate fonts such as glitch text, ciphers, binary, etc. I will provide non messed with versions for those with sensitive eyes at user's request.

Please do not be afraid to ask me for non-fucked-with translations at any time, as I prioritize the comfort and understanding of those who will (hopefully) interact with this blog.

And finally... the moment you've all been waiting for...

(Easy ASAP Science, 100 digits of Pi! /j)

IC Information

(Purple for HABIT, Blue for Evan!)

Name: HABIT

Name: Evan Myers

Pronouns: He/It

(+ Null, Bun, and a handful of other neos such as Gore, Sin, Prox, etc. I'm a pronoun hoarder. I will steal yours /hj)

Pronouns: He/Him

Likes: rabbits 🐇 (both the animal AND the others...), blue Powerade, purple, Reese's Cups (pieces are okay, but cups are better), slasher and other horror flicks, various kinds of music (my tastes are similar to Evan's but I also like a lot of my own unique stuff), practical jokes, blood and death, chaos, junk food overall, dark history, true crime, overall vice, Steph

Likes: Raccoons, ferrets, reptiles (especially snakes), Motörhead, Rock/Punk/Grunge music, horror flicks, sour candy, practical jokes (to a lesser extent of HABIT), horror games/video games overall, junk food overall, true crime, knives, Steph

Dislikes: Evan being stubborn, thickheaded people, being prevented from doing things I enjoy, most technology (Evan is ass at operating it...), Slenderman

Dislikes: HABIT, most (if not all) violence, most technology (I'm ass at operating it), liminal or "unnerving" spaces, dreams, Slenderman

[ More is subject to being added, and things can ALWAYS end up being removed by me. So, just be aware of that! And happy asking! REGARDS, Mod Evan :D ]

Last updated: Aug 31st, 2024

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[ravenzeppeli]

Claimed

Chapter 35 - Insane or Romantic? |Soft Yandere Melone x Reader|

Warning: strong language, yandere relationship, sexual situations. MA.

Melones POV

Melone felt a deep anger in his heart for the way you spoke to him Saturday morning, but the anger wasn't towards you. The anger was directed towards himself for not being able to control you, to make you listen to him. Hitting you would never be an option for him, given he loves you deeply and knows in his heart that you do not deserve to be hit. In his opinion, Formaggio and Illuso are fucking corrupting you.

Sharing you with the men he considered family wasn't a huge issue for him until he laid his eyes on the abuse that Formaggio, Illuso, and Prosciutto forced you to endure. Those three are fucking terrible to you and he despised the fact that you had to be with them. Ghiaccio, Pesci, and surprisingly Risotto were great to you, and Melone loved them deeply for being so good to you. He especially loved Ghiaccio, considering him his best friend.

Despite his anger, he was a very professional man, a professional man who would protect all six of his teammates and his lover with his entire life. Even Prosciutto he would protect, because at the end of the day they were a family. Families fuss and fight, and families sometimes hurt each other. You wouldn't let him punch the other men or defend you. He hated that, but he loves you dearly. It was hard for him to disobey you.

How could you always disobey him so easily? With your lies and hiding shit from him, looking him in his eyes and cursing at him. He was still so.. shocked to see your cute little face look at him with such dissatisfaction. Leaving was his only option because he felt himself about to lose his cool. He was about to punch Formaggio or Prosciutto, just for the hell of it, so he had to go.

Since you were with Ghiaccio, he didn't text you this weekend, knowing that you would be safe and taken care of. This weekend was dedicated to a little idea that sprung into his head Saturday night when he was in his room sniffing a pair of your socks. The love he had for you was so strong, but you seemed to doubt him. Did you not understand how deeply he loved you, how you truly were his entire world? Something permanent was what he needed, and lucky for him that he had such a high tolerance for pain.

It was Monday morning, and he was sitting on the edge of your bed, waiting for you to arrive. Last night, he slept here in your bed, it giving him a sense of comfort to smell your pillow and sleep on your side of the bed. This morning, he even used your toothbrush to brush his teeth - he felt so close to you.

On his right shoulder, he had 'La Squadra' tatted, and as he pulled up his left shirt sleeve your entire full name was tattoed into his skin. Permanent letters that hurt like a bitch but he kind of liked the way the sharp tattoo gun pricked into his skin, leaving him branded with your beautiful name. Next was a tattoo on his chest, it also being your full name written in cursive as well as the date you came into his life underneath the letters. And lastly he had your first name tattooed in bold italic letters right above his cock. That one hurt the most, maybe soon he'll get your name tattooed on his cock next.

Now, his pubic area, his shoulder, and his chest were permanently marked with your beautiful name. Hopefully, now you will see how much he loved you and how dedicated he was to you. Nothing would make him turn his back on you.

His grin faded into a gooey smile when he heard the mutter of your voice in the living room suddenly. Though he was unable to understand what you were saying, he knew it was you. When you were near, he could feel your presence so deeply. He felt you deep within his soul. He knew when you were around.

"Tomorrow's fine Illuso," he heard your voice call out, the patter of soft footsteps coming closer towards the door. The door opened, you stepping in, eyes immediately landing on him. "Hey Melone. How was your weekend?" Your tone was genuine, he could tell that you truly wanted to know.

Despite him feeling as if you felt like he didn't love you, he knew for a fact that you loved him. Watching you carefully is something that he's perfected. He could tell by your body language that you loved him. What you two had was special, and it would stay special forever.

"Hey baby," he practically cooed sweetly as he stood up, feeling overjoyed to see you. It was so hard ignoring the three texts you sent him this weekend. You were so sweet in the messages. It pained him to ignore you. Ignoring you was his punishment to you for being snappy towards him. It felt like a punishment to him, so he wouldn't be doing it again. "My weekend was fine. Was yours okay?"

You went to speak but stopped, your eyes landing on his uncovered tattoo that he wore proudly. Slighly, your mouth hung open, eyes going a little wide as you stared at what he was assuming was one of the tattoos he got of your beautiful precious name.

An excited grin creeped across his face. "One of the new tattoos I got. Do you like it?" As he approached you, he let his left arm wrap around your waist.

"Did it hurt?" You questioned, staring at the tattoo. Your face was unreadable. "Why?" Damn it.. did you not like it? Maybe you would like the other tattoos.

"I'm not getting naked on purpose," he muttered, taking his shirt off and tossing it on your bed, revealing the tattoo on his chest. Suddenly, your eyes widened. A smile creeped on his lips as he unbuttoned his pants, lowering them slightly but keeping his penis in his pants. For now. Flashing you his cock right now wasn't his intention, despite how much he loves showing off his cock to you. "I got three different tattoos with your name. Because I love you and I only exist for you."

A sigh escaped your lips, your shoulders shrugging. "Well.. I guess it looks nice?" It was easy to tell when you were lying to him now. He could feel it. The pitch in your tone stayed normal, soft, your eyes staring at his chest - the big tattoo seemed to have gotten your attention. He could feel your lies.. he just could feel it. He could sense your lies. After all, you were his beloved, his entire universe. When it came to you, he was becoming an expert. "You're mad at me?" That question was genuine, assuming how the two of you left things Saturday morning.

Being mad at you.. it was something that Melone struggled with. Why would he ever be mad at you? Still, he needed to correct you so you wouldn't talk to him like that again.

"Don't curse at me ever again," he warned, voice low as he crossed his arms over his chest, his voice stern with you. It felt weird to him to get onto you. He would much rather shower you with love and affection. "That was not nice. I am uncomfortable with you being an assassin, I just wanted you near me so I could keep you safe." He stepped forward, closing that awkward gap that was between the two of you. He wanted to be closer, as close as he possibly could to you.

"I'm sorry, I just want to work with Illuso. Can't I?" You asked him, his eyes suddenly lighting up. Were you asking him for permission? This was such a great opportunity for him to say no to you and get you to team with him and Ghiaccio.

"No," he spoke quickly, his hand immediately raising to wrap around your waist, guilt washing over him as dissatisfaction washed over your face. Fuck. Maybe he couldn't say no. "Well.. I mean, will Illuso actually protect you? I'll protect you with my life. He's a bastard."

"He's not a bastard," you replied, but a sudden smirk appeared on your face. "We don't know if Illuso knows his father or not."

Melone paused, letting that warm smile return to his lips. Seeing you smile, even if your smile was more of a smirk, it made him feel overjoyed. "Just.. be safe. Okay? My job is very dangerous." He rubbed your back, searching his brain for a way to convince you to step down. "I could just buy you a bakery. Do you like to bake? You could run a bakery. Or go to college. Want to be a doctor or teacher? Maybe be famous? You're pretty, you could be an actor."

This is where he feels some distance between you and him. Figuring out what you wanted to do with your life, it was a challenge for him. He didn't want to accept that you wanted to be an assassin like him - there had to be something else you wanted to do. Anything. Maybe he could help you find it. Why couldn't you just be happy with what you already do? He didn't want you to work more. Why must you be so stubborn?

A laugh escaped your lips, causing his eyebrows to raise. What was so funny about what he was offering? Money was no issue for him. He could give you whatever you wanted. "Maybe I want to kill people." Suddenly, you squinted your eyes at him. "I do not want to be a doctor or actor! That sucks."

He sighed, "Baby, come on. Don't you want to do anything else aside from killing people?" Damn it, why wouldn't you let him buy you a fucking bakery? "Illuso and Formaggio aren't going to just let you run around killing people. We don't kill with no motive behind it. We are paid to take people out and we are paid to do it discreetly."

"Let's just see what happens tomorrow," you told him, seeming to completely disregard everything he just told you. Maybe he should get stern with you. You were his after all. He could correct you a little. "I understand what you're saying. I plan to just listen to whatever Illuso and Formaggio say, I'm not going to ignore them or not listen. I know this is serious. I wouldn't fuck up." Ah, he was jumping to quick conclusions as he always does.

A tightness formed in his chest, guilt forming from his mental accusations of you disregarding him. "Fine," he muttered, the hint of annoyance in his voice he wasn't able to hide. It was so hard to control you - almost impossible. Why couldn't you just do what made him feel comfortable? Why did you want to be so hands-on with his job? Why the fuck was Risotto allowing this? Goddamnit!

"Thanks," you replied. You pulled away from his grasp, a frown forming on his lips as you walked towards your bedroom door. Already you were leaving him? Why would you - his thoughts were interrupted as he heard the click of your bedroom door lock, you turning towards him as you walked back over to him. "You know, you're half naked." Your hand raised, your jacket unzipping, slipping off of your arms and revealing a tight shirt underneath that Prosciutto would lose his shit over. "With my name all over your body. Wow. Three different tattoos."

As the jacket slid off of you, revealing your curves to him, he felt a bulge forming, begging to already break free. With no hesitation, he grabbed the jacket away from you, folding it quickly and placing it on the edge of your bed, his eyes scanning your body. "Do you like them?"

"Sure," you replied, shrugging your shoulders. "They're nice tattoos. Just don't get anymore of my name. Or based on me. Or of me. Or about me, but these three are very nice." Your eyes were clearly most certainly on his bulge. "We have to be quiet, I don't want the other men to hear us." That smirk appeared on your face again, causing his cock to go rock solid. Fuck.. you turned him on so fucking much.

A grin danced across his face, his eyes hungrily taking in your form that he always craved so deeply. "I want you so bad," he muttered, his tone coming out as a growl. He wasted no time approaching you. Once you gave him the okay to touch all over you, he wasted no time, hands instantly grasping your breasts through your shirt. "I never imagined I'd be so lucky."

"Melone, they're just breasts," you mused, your smirk turning into a cute little smile. "You aren't lucky because you're squeezing my breasts. You do it all the time."

He shook his head, a low chuckle escaping his lips. Unable to move his hands due to not wanting to, he gently massaged your breasts, your shirt, and thick bra being no distraction for him. "No baby, I'm lucky because I get to be with you," he confessed. "Nobody likes me, people think I'm fucking weird, but you don't. You've accepted me for me and that makes me the luckiest man in the world. After we make sweet nasty love, I want to hold you in my arms. I want you so bad baby, it killed me to ignore your texts this weekend!"

It honestly was such a surprise to him at first that you actually accepted him. With his past tainted of murdering women that rejected him and what his stand manifested into, he would have assumed that you wouldn't like him. You do like him. In fact, you love him a lot, more than all of the other men. He knew that deep within his heart. You have brought out an undying devotion and love in him that he would never let go of. Even when he was uncertain that you loved him, he was still crazy about you. Crazy enough to always protect you and never hurt you. He would blow his own brains out before he ever hurt you.

"You can finally throw away your condoms," you casually replied, a cute smirk resting on your lips. "Because I'm going to finally let you start filling me with your cum Melone."

Immediate excitement coursed throughout his entire body, almost feeling a giddy joy as he let go of your breasts, pouncing on you, not being able to contain his excitement. "You are the best fucking thing that's ever happened to me!"

[bisexual-horror-fan]

Hey you think Roman Bridger’s mommy issues would effect his sex life? Just been thinking about Roman a lot lately

Hoo boy.

Okay Anon.

This isn't the first time this has happened and my patience for it is non-existent. I am out of fucks to give in regards to this. If anyone claims to be a fan of me or my work, I hope you have read my Who/What I Write for, just in general but especially before sending me in asks. I have it pinned to my blog and masterlist, normally I'd provide the link here too, but let's be even more direct. Here is a screenshot, right at the top of my no-list, of my will NOT write section, in the biggest text I could possibly make it, that's right you guessed it-

I do not, I have not, and I will never write shit about this. Fics or casual asks. This is not me kink shaming, this is me having one massive hardline boundary that I am desperately begging people to respect.

I have actual trauma responses to this kind of thing, it is my biggest trigger due to the information I've shared here previously but let me say it again! I am a victim of incestuous CSA and abuse at the hands of my birth mother.

So let me make this just impossibly clear, not just to you Anon, but to any and everyone, this is not okay. I have one major boundary on this blog, with very good reason and I'm asking for the most basic respect of people not bringing it into MY ask box.

I don't want to talk about any character's mommy issues, one's I love or otherwise, but especially in any kind of sexual context. Ever.

And before anyone comes at me saying I'm being too harsh, they might not have known, no. I do not care. I have it in big, bold, letters and pinned to my blog. I refuse to be made to feel bad about this. If someone is really a fan, if someone gives a fuck, they'd read that shit. I'm a writer, my whole blog is full of writing and yet people consistently show me that they can't read. It's astounding.

This has come up multiple times and I hope, I pray, that this is the last one. If it happens again, I'm going fucking nuclear, it will make this ask response seem like a bouquet of roses in comparison.

So in closing, don't ever ask me anything related this and we will get along fine!

[chemicalbrew]

2023 game list, part 2: more like one game six+ times 🥉

I'll be honest: I separated this year's list into two parts mostly for ease of editing (the first part had ten lengthy entries I got tired of scrolling past long ago), but also... I thought it would be nice to have a clear divide between games I was not quite happy with and the few games that managed to impress me this year. If for some reason you want to see me being salty first, you can click here, but other than that... we're good to get this show on the road!

Ys IX: Monstrum Nox (PC, 2019; 2021 port) [♪ New Life]

This one will be more of a rapid-fire ramble, because, even though I enjoyed the game and am willing to defend certain aspects of it, there's little doubt that it's one of this series' weaker outings. Really, it making it onto the second half of the list is mostly due to bias and the fact that this series' core systems (most of which any Ys fan is painfully familiar with) are consistently good, mindless fun. Anyway, here's my more scattered thoughts I can't be bothered to stitch together:

The soundtrack is mostly an obvious downgrade and largely forgettable - literally the only tracks that stayed with me even a little are the one linked and, surprisingly, Marionette, Marionette, but that's to be expected of nu-Falcom :(

The amount of references to past games Monstrum Nox has shows good self-awareness and is something I was absolutely not expecting. I'm just familiar enough with Ys to pick up on most of them, so I wonder how subtle they are for those without the knowledge.

I actually loved being confined inside Balduq and forced to explore every nook and cranny of it, even more so because of how it contrasts with the openness of Ys 8. They pulled no stops when it came to committing to the aesthetic, and I was caught off guard with how much I liked it all. A highlight to me is the graffiti you can find all over the streets!

The new gift abilities greatly expand traversal options, even if implementation of them is not exactly free-form. A bold idea and one I enjoyed greatly. Otherwise, there isn't much major change in how exploration and battling works from 8, but there really doesn't need to be, I think. They fixed the fucking raid mechanic, and that's all that matters - even if the equivalent of it feels horribly tacked on.

Most people would say the Monstrum designs are over the top, but I personally don't care. They all slap, especially Doll and Adol himself, of course (I was ogling that long hair even before the game came out, hell yeah). As for their personal arcs, nothing really stands out the way Dana did in 8, despite each character getting their own time to shine, but I can forgive an Ys game for not bothering with complex characters. In particular, the development surrounding Jules and the conundrum with his disabilities, while somewhat barebones, didn't feel disrespectful at all and was a super pleasant surprise.

(screenshot that doesn't have much to do with anything, I just liked it)

The homunculus twist at the end of the game came out of nowhere and ruined my final impression of the story greatly. That's all, really.

Chained Echoes (PC, 2022) [♪ Standing Tall]

One of my clearest memories of Chained Echoes is the amount of people I'd seen among circles of RPG fans crying out last December that this is the game that was going to snatch the title of GOTY right from everyone's noses. Admittedly, this is one of those silly cases where I recall being intrigued by the name of the game alone (how often does that even happen these days?), and the rest was just a bonus - yes, even the impressive pixel art and soundtrack.

This makes me think I'd had healthier expectations of this game than most people, but even then… The truth of the matter is that Chained Echoes will never leave the shadows of the classics from the 90s it proudly claims to be inspired by. In trying to make itself stand out and match its own ambitions, it forgets itself and fails to leave a lasting impression - I can certainly say I enjoyed the time I spent, but when I remember more about fighting sentient vegetables than how the game actually ended, something is obviously wrong.

Now, I loved smacking the hell out of those vegetables - the battle system is decently refined for the most part, and values your time greatly. To me, the most notable features of the process are those shamelessly taken from Chrono Cross, and for good reason: if there's anything that game nailed, it's the on-field enemy encounters, automatic resource restoration between battles, and what's probably one of its more well-known ideas - lack of EXP in a conventional sense. Chained Echoes wholeheartedly embraces those conveniences, almost as if to ask 'Why isn't all this standard yet? It's the 2020s!', and I find myself agreeing. The unique systems this game presents on top of everything are hit or miss (particularly the mech combat, the part that remains grindy through the dumb proficiency system), and combat may not be perfectly balanced (if you weren't shredding through mobs with Sierra, what were you even doing?), but… Everything surrounding combat just felt so full of fresh potential, and took so little time besides, with the already quick animations whooshing by at the press of a button, that it was extremely easy to forgive any faults.

There are many creative changes made out of battle as well - the most interesting of them being the reward board. It's simple to explain - very early into the game, you unlock a list of objectives spanning the entire world map, laid out on a grid. The tasks themselves range from 'enter the area' and 'beat this specific monster type' to 'beat a miniboss without taking damage' and 'open every single chest you can find'. The cool part is that, while each square provides a reward on its own, there are bigger fish to fry, as there's a separate list of items you get by filling out squares adjacent to each other! It's genuinely impressive how effective this elegant system is at getting you to engage with the world you explore… at least until you realize how ridiculous the late-game tasks can get. And even here, there are misguided ideas that threaten to ruin the gameplay flow - for example, the gem system, that was likely inspired by its simple and functional counterpart in Xenoblade 1, is exceedingly convoluted and involves lots of boring fishing for item drops for somewhat negligible advantages.

It's when the game stops copying the greats that bigger cracks begin to show, though. As a whole, Echoes' writing is a weak point - both because it seems to favor shock value and piles of barely logical twists over anything coherent towards the finish line, and because this game's sole creator took great pains to write the script entirely by himself, in a language that's not his own (guy's from Germany, if I remember correctly). Being bilingual myself, I'd like to say I can imagine how much of a struggle that must have been, and you seriously have to respect the hustle, but it doesn't mean that the end result of all those efforts isn't faulty and should be safe from criticism.

This is a game that very clearly would have benefited from just one more person looking over the script and flow of the plot - if practically every main party member winds up traumadumping to keep the player's attention as tropes they'd probably seen in Chrono Trigger before play out… once again, something has gone terribly wrong, especially since most of said characters weren't too appealing in the first place. This makes Chained Echoes one of the RPGs where the G part is stronger than the RP part, for better or for worse. But it's fun while it lasts, and not the worst way to spend 40 or so hours!

Pokemon Black (DS, 2011) [♪ Relic Castle]

Everything went precisely as I predicted, with the exact problems I imagined I would have, but I finally managed to find the mystery of what makes the series tick for people, both on a general and personal level. Pokemon has spat on some of my detrimental gaming tendencies (as in, the urge to explore everywhere that exists and obtain everything that moves) and in the same breath provided an experience that, in all its flaws, either objective ones or stemming from my own misunderstandings, proved to be surprising at every turn. It's, uh, really cool.

Now here is a funny thing: I cheated. In the literal sense. And I did that a lot. Here's what I used in Black, just cause I can put it out there:

full exp share without needing to swap your whole team in (they should just make this a toggle in the settings, the fact that they never have, not even in newer entries, is baffling.)

forcing any Pokemon within the regional dex to spawn. I probably wouldn't do it ever again, cause now that I understand what Pokemon wants to be, I also see there's really no point to forcing Pokemon to appear just to box them - it's harder to get any sort of bond with your creatures going that way. In addition, a lot of the alternate Pokemon at least get shown off in mandatory fights, so there was no point fretting over not getting to see them (you have no clue how happy I was to see N with Reuniclus, it just felt so right). The series is lying to you - the real joys are NOT in catching them all.

Season switcher (since I played 90% of the game in December, and it took less than a month to beat, it kinda sucked seeing the dreary winter variants all the time. I don't really blame the feature itself, it's just that I don't like real-time-sensitive things in games - especially when they're linked to unique rewards. I loved Deerling and the concept behind it, but just because it was December, I'd have been robbed of its illegally adorable spring variant without cheats! Boo.)

Spawning phenomena and random encounters at the press of a button. Probably the key improvement to the experience! Call me spoiled by modern RPGs, but I have grown from disliking pure random encounters to disdaining them, and this allowed me to segregate area exploration (which was enjoyable in its simplicity and layering through the dowsing machine) and making sure my catching and leveling is up to par while I chill out listening to different pieces from this game on loop or catching up with a stream - two goals that, to me, kinda don't mesh that well on their own. Especially with the normally horrible phenomena appearance rate.

Suffice it to say, my experience with this game was not quite the intended one, but I am still glad for it - it allowed me to get over my preconceptions and expectations of this storied series and, at least to some extent, prepared me for whatever entry I will choose to engage with next (likely Black 2). Next time, I won't be bending the game to my whims quite as much, but I feel like my frustrations with this series heavily relying on missable content will always remain.

With this silly kind of disclaimer out of the way, let's try to talk about Pokemon Black itself. The first thing I remember is just how linear it was - you walk through route after route and claim one badge after another until you find yourself facing the champion, which is where the game finally pulls its rug from under your feet. By now, it should be obvious that I enjoy not having to fuss over what to do next, so I found this to be a boon, but I could absolutely understand longtime fans being irritated by how little choice you have in matters.

Speaking of which, Unova robs you of choices in another infamous way - for the duration of the main story, you're forced to use the new additions to the Pokedex. Once again, this is something that bothered me less than it would most people, doubly so because a lot of the seemingly commonly hated new (for their time) designs actually appealed to me a fair bit. If there's only one Trubbish and Vanilluxe fan on this earth, it's me, or however that meme went - I would give my limb and soul for object Pokemon, I think that's one of the best ideas of the series ever.

The graphics certainly aren't much to write home about and didn't truly age gracefully, but nonetheless, they likely stand the test of time better than the entries following would, and are more than serviceable. With sweeping camera angles, detailed Pokemon sprites and larger-than-life vistas greeting you as you bike from town to town, it's clear this game wanted nothing more than to impress players, and I'd argue that it succeeded, given the timeframe of release, and especially the region Unova was inspired by.

The music, however, is where the game really shines - with town themes ranging from sweet and cozy to ones that end up never quite leaving your mind (remember how Driftveil City became a huge meme? Oddly, I feel like that's enough proof of how awesome the soundtrack is), character themes that feel tailor-made and convey more about them than their own dialogue sometimes, and sufficiently catchy battle music (with the standouts, of course, being reserved for the more… legendary encounters).

When it comes to the story, I... appreciate it existing. It was what I came to this game for, but I ended up staying more so for the team that I lovingly chose for myself and that carried me from dungeon to dungeon. It's not bad by any means, and I can see why people want the series to even try something like this again, but what's bold for this series is overdone for many others.

That said, they really nailed basically everything about N, dear god. I love him so much. And while I might not be familiar with how the series usually handles rival characters, I enjoyed getting to compare and contrast between Cheren and Bianca's personal struggles. Cheren's theme is a banger, to boot.

PS. I hope whoever decided Volcarona should evolve at level 59 explodes somewhere, that was NOT worth it.

Shin Megami Tensei IV (3DS, 2013) [♪ Aboveground Urban Area C]

BEHOLD, MY DEMONS! (pictured: not demons)

Holy shit, an actually fun dungeon crawler from the company behind the ever so boring Etrian Odyssey that I decided to play only thanks to Tumblr memeing on the glorious Black Market theme? Who woulda thunk.

If you say you play this game for the plot, I will not believe you. I'm here for the character design (equal parts silly and god-tier, which, going by my opinion on Xenoblade 2, is just what the doctor ordered), the surprisingly exhilarating kill-or-be-killed battle system designed around finding and capitalizing on weaknesses, coupled with the distinct gameplay loop of fighting, coercing and fusing demons, the incredible atmosphere every grossly pixelated texture seems to ooze, and most of all, what might be one of the greatest soundtracks in all of gaming, to me.

The music is what single-handedly turns what would otherwise be a forgettable, convoluted and at times almost offensive experience into something outstanding. Combined with the broad strokes with which SMT4 sets up and gradually expands its setting, it's jaw-dropping just how big of an impression the game can leave you with while utilizing what feels like the bare minimum in terms of visuals (I mean this in the best way possible! I love when games make the most of their limited resources). It's a shame, then, that these two qualities practically carry the game on their back, riddled with flaws as it otherwise is.

Seriously though, the storylines manage to be simultaneously straightforward and messy somehow, to the point where even the self-proposed 'golden' route is easily questioned by a player who's willing to give it a minute of thought. There's enough to latch onto here for impressionable people, but the truth is, SMT4 loves to oversimplify complex matters in favor of haphazardly committing to extremes, which in turn ruins its leading characters - each in their own way, as they refuse to grow and develop most predictably, even if you go out of your way to give them a chance.

(how the fuck are you supposed to take a game that has this textbox in it seriously? This is divinity talking, you know)

The worst part about it all is that while it's you, your player character, influencing the world, you're not really given an explanation of how your actions change things until it's already too late and you're left on your own to gape at how you trying to be nice to people actually led to what's functionally an elitist genocide. That is, if you weren't like me and didn't end the game prematurely with the ending that wipes out everyone instead of most people that are baselessly declared filthy and unclean. And if you want to see a path that pretends to be more reasonable, you have to use a guide and jump through hoops and fetch quests beforehand. Yeah, sure, that's fine.

I'm sure there are many more things people more familiar with SMT could critique when it comes to this entry (especially since I mentioned nothing about the Chaos route, which I frankly don't remember), but the fact that even me, a complete newcomer to the series, ended up less than impressed with SMT4's overall message... has to say something, no?

And yet, the experience remains unique and, in the most literal sense of the word, addictive. Maybe it's just my monkey brain willing to give games a pass if their mechanics click with me hard enough, but... It's fun to explore a kingdom and city in turn, to uncover bits and bobs on your map as you hunt for relics, to overwhelm your enemy in a single Press Turn, and even to get lost in the horribly designed Domains, all the while the literal coolest music you've heard in your life keeps playing. And soon enough, you come to feel that strange familiarity and comfort as go through the motions and backtrack to Mikado for the 100th time.

I'll be honest, this shit is why I yearn for more dungeon crawlers to love (that aren't just Brandish...) all the time. Hopefully I'll eventually man up and play another entry in this series, so I can better understand what the core fanbase appreciates and wants from Shin Megami Tensei as a whole.

Octopath Traveler II (PC, 2023) [♪ Cait's Theme]

(Someone tell me who had to sell their soul to make such gorgeous boss sprites...)

I missed my chance to engage with OT1 back in the day (mostly because I was put off by middling reviews), so to see the series spring back to relevance this year was actually a lovely surprise, especially with me gaining appreciation for HD-2D after playing Live A Live. It really felt like everything had aligned for me to get the most out of Octopath 2! Even more so because this game is a shining example of how to iterate on a sequel.

Most fans say there's barely any reason to return to 1 after playing 2, and they're frankly right. It would be harder to say what 2 did not improve on than to list all the positive changes! But here I am, trying to explain just how many elements had to combine to create my actual favorite RPG of the year. Here we go!

First off, this is the prettiest HD-2D game yet, pulling all the stops when it comes to polishing the style. There are more refined details in the scenery, every sprite looks buttery smooth, and with the new day and night cycle, OT2 is extremely eager to show off just what its lighting engine is capable of. This game is simply a treat to look at no matter what you're doing, and the soundtrack matches the ambition it exhibits.

There are more voiced cutscenes than before and you can let them autoplay - a small but vital quality of life change. The main stories have a decently varied structure compared to the previous game's rigid formulas, and the sidequests generally value quality over quantity (though they're still not much to write home about, and they're a pain in the ass to actually find and keep track of - this game has the most useless journal of any RPG).

One of the core elements of the battle system - the jobs your characters can use - are rebalanced and made easier to understand, and there's more of them to discover for yourself. As a whole, the tools you get to use in battle are greatly expanded, but more on that in a bit.

Lastly, it's easier to witness the cast interact, because they fixed the travel banter system! (Can't believe they made so much of what makes these characters likeable so easy to miss before...) There's more of these interactions to see, too - Crossed Paths, quests tailored to specific character pairings, are a genius addition to the game, if somewhat underutilized. They actually bothered to try and tie the eight stories together, as well, compared to the pathetic whimper the first game ends with! Though whether the attempt was successful is debatable, what's there is not half bad.

While I do believe I would have laid my eyes on this game eventually no matter what, due to the praise it's been getting in circles of RPG fans (I wish OT was more recognized than it already is, even if it is decently popular. The potential the series has is off the charts), what really pushed me was Hikari's very existence. One look at him, and you just know he's gonna be involved in an epic struggle and have to fight for his friends - and that's exactly what he does. It's glorious, and fits the overall message\vibe of the series - that is to say, getting to go on a journey and find new friends for your cause and new experiences - exceptionally well. This is why I, and most people, would probably recommend you start with him, though of course, you're free to do what you want.

Being relatively free to explore instead of roped along to go places like a traditional RPG would is a double-edged sword, especially because Octopath locks in your first chosen character, so they usually get overleveled, but at the same time the game expects you to have a functional (evenly geared and leveled) party of eight by endgame, which you might not be aware of and only have four peeps prepared. This could be solved with a simple toggle to give benched party members the same amount of EXP, or - and they literally do this in the endgame, so why not before?! - let us freely swap any time instead of only getting to do it in towns.

On the other hand, getting to watch eight (seemingly) disjointed stories unfold makes for a refreshing experience where you never know what (or who, at first) you will find. The travelers are divided half and half between two continents, but on my run I screwed it up - I got really curious about what's up north, which led to me finding Osvald early (and his chapter 1 warning scared the crap out of me for no reason, lol), so three characters were from the west and one was from the east. It's not nearly as big of a deal as I make it sound, especially later on with more options available, but before you discover such things and adjust yourself to what the game wants from you, it can feel quite challenging.

Speaking of challenging, I loved how the battle system in this game works - even if it's your typical turn-based bells and whistles with a job system attached, at least at first glance. The jobs themselves, while probably not groundbreaking or anything, still succeed in giving the party members their own ways to shine and even diversifying their movesets, thanks to the mechanic that lets you freely mix and match jobs! You can optimize to your heart's content, or mess around and go with the prettiest outfits.

(look at them!! just look!!)

The bread and butter of this series, however, the Thing it does to distinguish itself from myriads of other turn-based games, is the Break and Boost systems.

Break is simple enough to explain - each enemy you face boasts a certain number of shields, and before you figure out their weaknesses and break through, you're unlikely to deal any significant damage. Finding weak points can be cumbersome at times, especially if you don't have a Scholar to reveal them for you (I admit to looking them up occasionally instead of wasting SP\BP with Analyze), but it still doesn't take too much time, even less if you know the one trick to it. And your reward for doing so is getting a free turn to dish out damage (or set up buff combos)!

Boosting is an entirely different matter, though. In addition to the usual health and skill points, your party members gain a boost point each turn (provided they didn't use them on the last turn). You can have up to five points in reserve, and you can use up to three in a single turn to augment your chosen move - from simple damage increases to attacking multiple times in a turn (to break shields faster) to making buffs and debuffs last longer… basically everything gets much better if you boost. There are even special moves called Divine Skills that require 3 BP to use in the first place, and funnily enough, they range from game-breaking to actually kind of pathetic.

What's more, each character has special actions in and out of battle that are mostly unique to them - for example, Castti, the apothecary, can concoct powerful brews to aid you or damage the enemy, and in towns, she can chat up NPCs to get information by day or put them to sleep with specialized herbs by night. Meanwhile Hikari, the warrior, can learn skills no one else can by fighting NPCs one-on-one, which can be extraordinarily useful or... something like this:

The NPCs themselves don't seem too impressive at first, but as you make use of your characters' Path Actions, you realize that most of them have a small story to tell almost entirely through game mechanics, reminding you how vital worldbuilding is to an open-ended game like this. Robbing children of candy with Throne or getting to uncover short, but ridiculously dark backstories with Osvald never got old.

OT2 adds a cherry on top of all these layers by giving each party member another unique move in Latent Powers, which, too, can be either ridiculously overpowered (hello, free concocting?! why yes, I want to give my entire party 2000 HP, 200 SP and 1 BP at literally zero cost!) or incredibly niche (Osvald really got the short end of the stick here - you're better off boosting his actual spells than using his latent, which at best is only useful when Mugging and feels like an afterthought.).

And before all of that even starts, you have to pay attention to how you kit out your party. It's not just about what equipment has the bigger numbers - you need to consider its secondary effects, too, but more importantly, you need to pick the right secondary jobs to have a party that's truly well-rounded. If you explore the world thoroughly enough to unlock lots of job licenses, the sky's your limit, really - but the idea is to have a healthy balance between weapon types and skills while playing into each character's natural strengths.

You'd think having to make so many choices would feel overwhelming, but there's plenty of opportunities for the player to acclimate to the system and make it work for them. And they better learn the ropes quickly, because in boss battles, Octopath expects them to use every one of the tools they have. The game doesn't really go out of its way to explain how your skills can synergize to wreak havoc upon anything that stands in your way (sometimes before the enemy even gets a chance to act!), lending a sort of simple and pure joy to the moment when it all just clicks, when you begin to try out one bonkers combination after the other (does Critical Scope work on magic spells? Just how powerful is poison in Challenge fights? If I make Osvald a thief, will he still hit the damage cap with Aeber's Reckoning?), and they all just… work. Before that point, the game isn't afraid to kick your confused ass to the game over screen, but if you experiment, it won't be too long before you emerge victorious every time. To be rewarded like this for taking in your every option is immensely satisfying.

I also have to give a shout-out to the voice work done for all these battles specifically - every character gets a unique line for every move in every class, and they react to fellow party members breaking enemies or getting low on health. Really, the amount of detail in this one specific regard is just insane. Add to this the fact that you can fight at double speed with a press of a button (sure, this is nothing compared to how 6x turbo mode in Trails spoils you, but it's better than nothing, and for a game like this, it's enough), and battles in OT2 flow like a spring breeze, especially since, due to gear mattering more than level, you're not really encouraged to grind throughout the main story… or stories, as it were.

You'll have to forgive me for spending so long rambling about gameplay intricacies before getting to the game's actual draw - the eight different plots it offers you and the open-ended structure that comes from it. The truth is, most of these stories start out with a bang, but few of them have really enjoyable resolutions, and even less will manage to impress seasoned players.

Not to mention that, aside from the skit-like travel banter, they're completely isolated from one another, further lending to the feeling that your party members are less characters and more movesets. This is likely the most common complaint the series gets, and I have to say, it felt odd at first to me as well, but by now I'm a little tired of seeing people rag on the lack of connection between the stories. Having smaller vignette-like stories instead of an overarching plot is something you never see other RPGs do nowadays, it's one of Octopath's selling points, it's practically its beating heart, and it's something done with purpose. An artistic choice not being something you're used to is no reason to completely disregard it, even if there's room to grow and improve.

And plenty of room there is - while the stories have enough meat to them to enjoy what's happening in the moment, the boss fights in them are as cool as always, and the voice work accompanying all of the scenes is just lovely (though it can be poorly mixed on occasion - looking at you, Ori!), the core of the individual tales is usually somewhat basic and a little underdeveloped, if not downright nonsensical. Ochette's story could probably be put in a Pokemon game with very little changes, and, sorry to say, I don't mean that as a compliment. Having the plot revolve around catching legendary creatures to save the world had me mostly snoozing, controller in hand.

Or take, for example, Partitio and his charming, resourceful butt. It's hard not to love him, but if you think about what he's doing for more than a moment, it doesn't quite make sense - how do you go about squashing capitalism on the entire continent on your own, much less by ushering the world into the industrial era? Isn't that having too much faith in people?

Even Hikari, who started as my favorite and ended just the same (Howard Wang killed it as his voice actor, let's be real), doesn't have a particularly compelling plot going on. His story of having to take off to reclaim his kingdom is, I'd wager, one with more wasted potential than others, given how the whole cursed bloodline subplot just went nowhere. And don't get me started with Throne - I got spoiled on what happened at the end of her story and refused to believe it until the farce was staring me right in the face.

The exception to this would probably be Castti, whose tale of self-discovery and determination, while still playing out by the books, ended up genuinely touching all the same, with a natural escalation of the stakes in it and a wonderful conclusion that integrates gameplay mechanics particularly well, having you personally concoct the remedy to save a whole region and give them peace.

The one thing that elevates every one of these plots, every failure and success of this game, is its soundtrack. I'm not sure if I wholeheartedly prefer this OST to the first game, but they're both just outstanding. While it was easy for me to pick a single favorite to show off, it's hard to overstate just how awesome Yasunori Nishiki's work is as a whole, and we'd be here all day were I to keep pointing out the majority of the music as the masterpiece it is. The themes for various locations are lovingly crafted to suit the mood, with an awesome choice to add ethereal vocals for some of the night themes to make it more atmospheric (my favorites are Roque Island, Tropu'hopu, and, of course, the kingdom of Ku), and the character themes are particularly well thought out, expanding on their personalities in ways the text never quite could. Shout-out to both Agnea's theme and her Song of Hope, and the ways they tie her whole plotline together!

Octopath Traveler II turned out to be my sleeper hit of 2023, and has done so much more for me than I expected it to. Now there's nothing left for me but to yearn for an even more polished and expansive continuation to the series!

A Hat in Time (PC, 2017) [♪ Heating Up Mafia Town]

I feel like I owe much of my enjoyment of this game to my inexperience. 3D platforming is one of those genres that is practically integral to gaming itself (and collectathons, more specifically, are niche only in the most technical sense), yet before playing A Hat in Time I'd refused to engage with anything of the sort out of sheer principle. "What fun is there in getting perpetually lost while trying to hunt for pointless thingamajigs scattered all over?", I'd think to myself. I'd see people online wax poetic about the old classics like Banjo and Spyro and such and find it all completely incomprehensible.

In comes Hat Kid, and from the word go it's obvious that the name of her game is… silliness. After all, the question isn't 'why should you sow fear in mafia goons and crash onto filming sets', it's 'why shouldn't you do that?'. And as you get roped in by the absurdity of these subplots thrown at you, with so many NPCs having a goofy one-liner or three to say, you realize that behind these layers of charm are solidly crafted sandboxes for you to just enjoy yourself in, coupled with delightful sections that are, for all intents and purposes, obstacle courses.

I enjoyed the latter much more, as I tend to do, but they're two different sides of the same great coin, so to speak. And aside from a couple specific levels that gave me a headache (like the long-ass parade level, the infamous Alpine Skyline hub with how long traversal takes in it, and ESPECIALLY The Twilight Bell. Holy shit, that one just wasn't fun for me after a while), exploration was rewarding, and pretty smooth sailing - with good variation in level structure and near endless attention to detail (be ready to sit there like 'they made a unique animation just for that?!').

A part of what made it so easy to enjoy was how simple the movement in this game is - what you have at your disposal is, essentially, a double jump and a dive, which can be canceled out of. That makes it great for someone like me, who still fears being forced to get acquainted with a complex control scheme in a game with movement as the focus (the 'why press three buttons when one would do' approach), but at the same time… it means that there's only one optimal way to move through the world quickly, so dozens of hours in, I felt as if I could repeat the button combination endlessly in my sleep.

Sure, there's badges that can change your experience substantially - making you dash faster, or turn into an ice statue in lieu of a ground pound, or use a goddamn hookshot, or a bunch of other things, but… having only three slots for them, and knowing one of them will probably be always taken by something like the No Bonk badge (which feels like an essential quality of life feature) is severely limiting. I would love it if there were more slots to prevent constantly having to compromise and switch badges around… or a slightly expanded base moveset for Hat Kid.

On a more positive note, I loved the more tightly directed and difficult experiences that the optional Time Rifts offered. Finding them might not have been half as fun as clearing them, but the reward was more than worth it almost every time. And that's to say nothing of the game's presentation, which is sublime in how stylish it is. I could see people being set off by how the art style feels purposely crude at times, but personally, I couldn't care about that less - it only adds to the charm, in fact.

The music, meanwhile, is peppy and upbeat every step of the way, and fits the mood of the game perfectly. Even though you find yourself revisiting the same levels numerous times, there are always new versions of the tracks you've come to like, and neat twists to the traversal process - it's obvious how much A Hat in Time wants you to relax, be entertained, and enjoy the ride. That might come at the cost of it not telling a particularly gripping story, but it's hard to hold that against the game. Sometimes you just want to bonk mafia goons on the head for a while, you know?

Tower of Heaven (PC - Flash, 2009) [♪ Indignant Divinity]

There is no prize as precious as that which you have lost.

Tower of Heaven, to me, is about going back to the roots - in the literal sense, as your character gets cast down and smitten by lightning over and over, and in a sense that's more meta, as there's definitely a sort of through-line puncturing the developer's offerings; one that presents itself in subtle ways, but is plain to see regardless with every game you boot up, and every death that makes you chuckle at your own subpar execution. So, in essence, me playing this platformer (on my birthday, no less! good to know there's something you can rely on even on otherwise middling days) became this experience about paying respects to foundations laid in the past so I could better appreciate the legacy they leave in the future.

It's kind of a tall ask for a game this small and niche (and Flash having been murdered in cold blood absolutely does not help! Everyone say thanks to that one post about Flashpoint that was making rounds back in the day, it made my mission to experience this game that much easier!!!), and I do admit to over-exaggerating the feeling, but still, it's hard not to feel affected in any way, as insignificant as it may be, while playing Tower of Heaven. The presentation is subdued and few words, and hours, are spared to explain your situation. It's just you, the blocks and doors that comprise simple levels in front of you... and a godly force seeking to work you hard as you try to go ever higher.

But as you walk through the first door on your way, the soulful music kicks in and begins to swell (if I were any more nerdy, this game would have probably become my favorite example of leitmotif usage at the drop of a hat. People who complain about this soundtrack are cowards), and your journey starts to grow more complex, little by little. As the levels slowly expand, so do the rules the mysterious force encumbers you with - combining to demand you make a singular, perfect path forward for yourself. This feeling of honesty and straightforwardness between designer and player is one of the key things this developer simply never fails at, and a part of what made me fall in love with it all in the first place.

The twists along the way may be small, but none of them feel like a waste, and as the game comes to an end, a familiar theme of standing up for yourself and facing a world unknown comes to the surface, and you can't help but feel... accomplished, if only a little. It was you who started this journey and you who brought it to its inevitable end, after all! But when you see the credits, plainly stating your basic stats, you might gawk a little. Secret rooms? What secret rooms?

With that simple move, you're encouraged to spend just a little while more - looking around, polishing your movement, paying more attention. It's not like the secrets are hard to find (or are, indeed, worth anything - it's incredibly fitting that the rooms contain treasure that is of no tangible worth to the player), but it's the fact that they were there all along that elevates the experience.

Tower of Heaven might not have much to say, but it says what it has to gracefully and concisely, in ways that many other games simply do not. And even as you inevitably fall, it makes you remember - there's always somewhere to go. Always a place to make for yourself. No matter who might be saying otherwise.

Pause Ahead (PC - Flash, 2013) [♪ Hiatus]

In many ways, this game is treading familiar grounds, but it manages to expand upon them gracefully. There's a greater sense of mystery to this one, and a lovely meta-narrative that never feels overbearing - not to mention the obvious difference in presentation and the gameplay change Pause Ahead is named after.

With a light tap of the Shift button, you can ground the level to a halt... while retaining momentum yourself. Knowing when to stop and go is key to making your way forward, as you're, once again, at times belittled and at other times besought by a mysterious voice. And, of course, you're free to simply abuse and spam this feature just to see the small easter eggs and jokes it hides. As should be by now expected, the little things like this make it feel like no time or space is wasted executing a small, but powerful concept, and iterating on it over time.

As you clear a stage, you are treated to a quick playback of all attempts you've suffered through to get this far, reminding you of your persistence and the power you wield in this strange, somehow lonely world. This may be little more than an escape attempt, but it's uniquely yours, and you're free to take your time with it as you please. This, coupled with small, but consistent details like the messages in the fake pause menu I mentioned, leads to a pleasant feeling that you're getting as much out of this game as you put in, and it's relishing your time spent with it as much as you do.

Just like I said before, there's something about the tight design of these compact experiences that is hard to find elsewhere - a sort of wordless understanding that gradually forms as you experiment with the small pool of options given, and manages to stick in your memory long after you put the game down. And that's to say nothing of the tiny, yet meaningful and insanely catchy soundtrack this game boasts, and the return of secrets to haunt you, this time even more expansive.

In just about every way, Pause Ahead is a solid hidden gem that doesn't ask much of you - at least, not outright - but gives you plenty in return: a challenge to overcome, a moody setting to enjoy, a feeling you'll be seeking and failing to find elsewhere for all time. ...or maybe it's just me?

OverPowered (PC, 2014) [♪ A True Hero and More]

I honestly think you should close this page right now and go beat this thing - I left you a link right there. I promise it won't take long, and I'm sure you'll come back with a smile on your face.

Obviously, the one thing that makes OverPowered really impressive is the time constraints it was made under - without them, it's probably just a blip on most people's radar, not even worth looking over.

Fortunately or not, I'm not most people, and I simply came into this little game looking for more of what I'd come to expect from the dev - enjoyable platforming, music that sounds like a balm to my ears (I still remember when I was doing research and I audibly went 'THAT flashygoodness?'), and witty humor that aims to subvert expectations - and succeeds every time. I got all of these things and a hearty chuckle or two, so I have no complaints.

Katana ZERO {again 💿💙} (PC, 2019) [♪ Silhouette]

Killing is the only time we're able to touch that thing we were never able to have.

What can I say? Katana ZERO is significant to me on a personal level, to an extent very few games, if any, ever have been at this point. A lot of this comes from the fact that I… knew it would be so, but at the same time had no clue. It's hard to explain - call it a gut feeling, but even in 2021 I knew there was something outstanding here, something I was tapping into, and even resonating with, but not quite as deeply as I could have been. That knowledge lingered, buzzed in the back of my mind like white noise - even as my hands would begin to ache from how much I'd been playing, how hard I'd been trying to open myself up to the game, even when the memories began to fade a little.

While I was playing, however, I was constantly aware I'd been ignoring the fine details, afraid to rise to the mechanical challenges the game offered, sometimes afraid to admit to myself how much I enjoyed KZ at all - as if it'd been a crime to recognize how it left me yearning in a haze few things can hope to match. When I tried to look back at it, I almost felt desperate to find some flaw, some excuse to lie to myself and mask the passion this game had awakened in me, for a time; and even then, I could only point to how the game's plot fizzles near the end in an attempt to set things up for the future that still hasn't come yet, eager to leave you with a feeling of uncertainty that stings all the more with how pointedly efficient KZ is about nearly everything else.

(see also: images that get funnier with time)

And even now, putting it to words, I just feel silly and dramatic - probably because, despite everything, a small part of me still feels inexplicable shame, thinks I ought not to be obsessed with something like this, something small and unfinished. An experience that some people (who are very wrong) would say is trying too hard.

It's not silly, though, and I have to remind myself of this often. Every time I come back to this game (and I've come back many times over the year - so many I lost count, including the refresher run I did last week, before writing this. It's amazing how much a passing, almost laughable thought can end up haunting you, but that's neither here nor there), I remember how much there is to love about it - how hard it is not to love it, when you realize just what it is you're dealing with, when everything slots into place and the world before you whirs to life in an almost literal fashion - and live it does, no matter what.

This is a story about finding choice where there is none. It's about discovering the truth, staring it in the face just as it has been watching over you, and resolving to do something about it - with whatever little means you have. Because what matters is trying. Without that, what can you do but remain trapped, objective unfulfilled?

But here's the thing: to most people, it's probably not quite like that. It's hard to describe something that hasn't finished telling itself, after all - but these days, that bothers me far less, if at all. If nothing else, it's hard not to appreciate the irony of it - not knowing the future when once you'd thought you'd all but had it. Even if this story's ending never sees the light of day, I feel like I've come to understand it far better, in its current state.

The unquantifiable, almost mythical extent to which KZ goes to immerse you in its world (or, at the very least, in Zero's shoes), if you let it, is one of its most important qualities. Everything this game does, from the more obvious mechanics like slightly branching dialogue options (with the lovely twist of being able to interrupt people) to the subtle touches like the way KZ uses vibration (one of the very few games to do it right, and I'll die on this hill), hides its (surprisingly plentiful, given its length) secrets in almost plain sight, or takes great care in the details of its entire user interface or goddamn dialogue formatting... it's all in the service of immersion, and that goal is masterfully achieved.

Even after spending more hours than most people would with this game, I keep discovering minute dialogue changes, tiny graphical touches, or new options to try that I can't help but smile at. Yes, some of it stems from the strange sort of fear I had that just... kinda prevented me from exploring, but not all - you'd be surprised at just what you can see if you pay attention to your choices.

And that's to say nothing of how pretty KZ manages to make everything look (and sound - you know you have a problem when you get attached to sound effects), how it perfectly walks the tightrope of letting every happening on screen breathe and speak for itself while still allowing it to remain a spectacle (look, I might not be an expert, but I love how this game frames its cutscenes and uses lighting to enhance things further). It tells you that every moment is precious - simply by wasting nothing itself.

Of course, there are more obvious ways the game respects you and your time: interrupting dialogue doesn't just lead to interesting results, but can also save a bit of time; there are a few clever skips (tied to secrets, as well) built into the levels themselves, and you have an option to respawn instantly when you restart a room (or at literally any time, if you bother to assign a quick restart button). This last thing I want to bring special attention to, because I think it spoiled me beyond belief (just look at me complaining about Celeste earlier!).

On top of this, something awesome that makes a return to Katana ZERO from its predecessors is a dedicated speedrun mode, allowing you to engage with the gameplay and practice on your own terms. And like in the other games, using it is in no way a requirement - while there is an achievement tied to speedrunning the game, nothing in the interface itself urges you to push yourself if you don't want to. The ranking system is as important as you allow it to be, and for my part, I'm mostly content with the meager results I got (bet you were wondering why I put that emoji in the title... hopefully it's clear now. If I get a silver ranking one day, I'll be beyond content.). More action games should aim to be as instantaneous and responsive in all aspects as KZ is, and I'm completely serious about this.

The last (but absolutely never the least) thing I want to bring up is the soundtrack. It's the piece in this elegant puzzle that makes everything come together, it makes every moment shine on its own merits and stay in your heart. It's easy to point to the more obviously appealing tracks that accompany you as you actually play, and the way they perfect tension and release (i.e. Delusive Bunker or the ever-so-awesome Overdose), but there's something to be said about the subtler pieces too. End of the Road never fails to tug at my heartstrings. Hell, hearing Come and See at the end of every run still makes me want to explode. And beyond that, well...

Have you listened to Chemical Brew yet? - Tumblr user chemicalbrew

To conclude, Katana ZERO may lack the universal appeal that true classics have, but I believe that at some point it will have carved out enough of a niche of itself to become a cult classic. I would love nothing more than to have a reason to feature this game on my list a third time (we'll have it one day. I'll keep waiting, this much I know), that's how much my love for it has grown. And, really… I hope it never diminishes.

PS. Believe in yourself! 👹 Also, if you're one of the people who has supported me this year as KZ made me descend into insanity, if you're one of the (surprisingly many) people who I managed to convince to give it a chance with my passion, thank you ever so much. And have a nice 2024!

[svartikotturinn]

I couldn’t stand to watch Shaun’s latest video, so I started reading the transcript instead. I got about 15 minutes in before I just had enough.

The good: I don’t think he’s legitimately antisemitic. I think he’s just a contrarian dipshit who took his anti-Israeli stance mostly because he had an excuse to go against what his government was saying (along with other Western governments) and didn’t bother to look deeper. So he is a lot of things but antisemitic does not seem to be one of them.

Also, I should commend him for pointing out actual cases of Israeli disinformation, such as an outright lie by the IDF spokesman, and brings up the violence towards mourners and even pallbearers at Shireen Abu Akleh’s funeral, which he rightfully condems (no, chanting slogans does not justify it).

The bad: The sheer one-sided laziness, up to and including outright lies (which, I hope, for his sake, were based in ignorance and not malice), starting right at the beginning. He says what got him doubting the narrative of ‘Israel good, Palestinians bad’ was a photo of Israelis sitting on chairs they’d brought watching the Gaza Strip being bombed from a safe distance in 2014—he neglects to mention that those are people from nearby Sderot, a town that had been subject to repeated rocket strikes from Hamas. He offhandedly mentions that the other side does it, too, but barely gives this thought much weight. Worse, he certainly does not consider that Israelis can at least claim that they’re cheering for the death of mlitants out for their blood hiding in the destroyed buildings, while Palestinians cheer for the deliberate killing of civilians: stabbing and shooting random civilians, launching rockets indiscriminately at civilians (no, Israel doesn’t do that, that’s what intel and GPS systems are for).

(Pro-tip: check out what your favourite pro-Palestinian influencer’s page for what they said while the October 7th Massacre was still ongoing. I bet you’ll be horrified. Shaun himself, for example, retweeted an infographic about the asymmetry of casualties in both sides over the years and blocked me when I called him out on his callous ‘well, numerically…’ attitude. That was last October, not 2014.)

Then there’s Abu Akleh’s death, which he also discusses. I’m using this term charitably, because he says it was definitively proven as murder and says any claim to the contrary has been proven to be a mendacious cover-up. No, he does not provide any sources countering, say, the official US position. (For the record: fuck then-Prime Minister Yair Lapid’s reaction. He is a prime example of the problems Israel actually has.)

Then he had the sheer audacity to claim that the claims of tunnels under As-Shifā’ Hospital were unfounded. What fucking nerve.

I was hoping to reach the point where he talks about how Hamas treats the Gazans, and point out that the disparity of casualties has to do in large part with the fact that Israel actually cares for its civilians (something he didn’t even hint at up to where I got), but that bold-faced lie about the hospital made it too much for me.

Fuck you, Shaun.

…Oh, and one last thing: he talked about the Western position being one of resistence to the implied barbarism of Islam. So, Shaun, I’m here to say it’s not fucking ‘implied’, you dolt, it’s emphatic. Read the fucking Qur’ān and tell me that shit doesn’t sound like any other cult leader’s insane ramblings. Listen to opinions Muslims express in polls. Talk to them about history, especially the history of the region. It’s cultish shit on par with MAGA/QAnon and Russian propaganda, but you start hemming and hawing when brown people say it, like a stereotypical Westerner who dismisses their country’s superstitions but gladly adopts those that come from China or India. How utterly disguting.

EDIT: I should’ve stopped listening to this prick back when he made his inaccuracies-ridden video about Harry Potter. I guess maybe in his view, there are indeed good and bad sides rather than actions…