#especially since i'm agender and NOT nonbinary so i had to go and explain that to like literally everyone

[wwaddless]

i've recently come to the conclusion that i'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum but not fully ace and it's the first bit of my identity that i haven't felt the need to truly label and it's so?? freeing idk

i love labels, i love being able to fit myself into a little box but sometimes it's so difficult to try and explain why i use this label and such. because people are curious and that's fair because i am too. but idk, there's just something so good about not forcing myself to be in a box. i just am and that's great :)

[reimeichan]

As I start nearing 30 years old, and also as I become more integrated, I've started exploring who "I" am, as a person, and as a single identity. I know that not too long ago I made a post talking about these aspects of who I am, as a person, post-fusion. But I've also been finding more and more bits and pieces of myself and working through my trauma since then, and as new information crops up, I'm starting to once again re-examine who I am.

Mainly, I've been exploring my gender and sexuality. My sexuality especially has always been very clear to me since I was 14. I'm asexual. Nothing had really changed that for well over a decade. And not for lack of trying, too; I explored my feelings on sexuality and sex for a long time and it was something I would regularly rotate around in my head. Am I truly ace? I enjoy reading hentai and watching porn and reading smut, does that mean I'm sexually attracted to people? I'm hypersexual, how does that factor in to my ace-ness? Am I maybe aro as well? Am I demi-ace? Is my asexuality a result of my trauma? Does that make my asexuality more or less valid in that way? I explored every aspect of my asexual identity as thoroughly as I could, and each time I emerged on the other side even more certain that "asexual" was the best and closest label to describe my sexuality.

But, now... as I work through these different parts of me and understand the bits of me I had dissociated away, I'm starting to become more connected to... having sexual attraction to others. It's not that I was wrong about being ace for all these years; I think it's important to honor and acknowledge that part of my history. But I also think that to continue to call myself "asexual" is doing a disservice to myself. I do find people "hot". I do think about and fantasize about people's bodies. It's no longer about just the act of sex or kink itself turning me on (as it had been when I was ace), I'm very much attracted to people's bodies. And in that way I think it's more accurate to tell others that I am bisexual. And... that's quite a change, for me. To start acknowledging that I have sexual feelings towards others, and am sexually attracted to them, is so new to me, when in the past this wasn't something I ever felt like I had experienced.

And similarly, my gender. The thing that I could never figure out, but with each passing day I find further clarity. I think I know how to explain my gender now. I was a girl. For much of my childhood, I was absolutely a girl. But as I hit my preteen years and my teenage years, that started to shift. I saw myself less as a girl, and more as something.... in-between and outside of that. Nonbinary. Agender. Androgynous. I don't know what term works best, but I know what it was for me. And again, in early adulthood, that shifted yet again. I was genderfluid, a girly guy, a femboy. But I'm not going to be a young adult for much longer, and I find myself looking into the future. In my middle age, who I am? Who do I see myself becoming? And, beyond that, who will I be when I'm even older, at retirement age or even as an elderly 80, 90 year old?

And as I think about this future version of me, I realize that I am no longer a genderfluid girly femboy. I'm... a guy. I'm a middle aged Asian man. I don't know if "transmasc" or "trans man" really is the best way to describe that, but it's the closest word I have for what I see and what I feel. But really, just calling myself a guy is enough I think. I'm going to be a middle aged guy sooner than later, and I want to take some steps for this future version of me so that he can feel more comfortable in his skin.

I'm still a femboy right now. I like this version of me and I plan to stick with it as long as it feels right. But I also know this isn't who I'm going to be forever, and that's okay.

It's so weird, exploring all of these feelings at my age, especially when I thought I had it all figured out. But life isn't so clear cut, and you're never too old to figure out who you are. And it's okay for things to change as you get older, too. Either way, I'm excited for whoever I end up becoming, and I'm proud of who I am right now.

[infiniteeight8]

I've been thinking about this for awhile, so I'm writing it down to get it out of my head. It's not meant to be profound, or to be any kind of meaningful commentary on anything.

I've been having thoughts about pronouns. I'm very glad for the sake of everybody who's ever had to deal with misgendering that asking for/giving your pronouns is becoming more common. But there is, for me personally, one downside. It's going to take me a second to get there, please bear with me.

I do not care about my pronouns. Not in the slightest. My gender has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with who I am as a person. It would probably be accurate to call me agender if I cared about gender at all, but I care about it so little that I'm not interested in labeling myself with any kind of gender identity, including nonbinary and agender. I don't care if people use she/her (what I was assigned), he/him (I usually allow people to assume I'm male when gaming), or they/them (common when folks don't know which pronouns to use).

What does bother me is the increasing perception that gender is IMPORTANT and that I must pick a label and identify with it, whether that label be female, male, non-binary, agender, or something else.

I was way more comfortable with how people approached me when they'd just take for granted that I was female and use she/her and not make a THING out of it. It was just a random bit of grammar that no one put any weight on. (I have the exceptional good fortune to live in circumstances which make my exposure to sexism very minor).

But, as a result of people trying to be more considerate of gender identities--which is a good thing that I 100% support--it is now pretty common for people to ask me my pronouns and subsequently to PUT WEIGHT on my response. The real answer, the answer I want to give, is: "I don't care, use whichever ones you like." But that's not an acceptable answer to give, especially since I do not want to subsequently be forced to put even more weight on my answer by explaining. So I say "she/her", because those are the ones I've been given all my life and which I respond most naturally to. But I hate saying it, because it implies that the answer is somehow significant to who I am as a person, and it isn't.

I feel like someone out there might, at this point, suggest I switch to "they/them", perhaps with the idea that it is more "neutral". The problem is, it's not more neutral. It implies that not being female (or male) is IMPORTANT in exactly the same way that she/her implies that is IS. In fact, it might imply that even more, since it requires a lot of effort to get people to change what pronouns they use for you.

Kind of tempted to try out the, "I don't care, you choose," answer at my next con (where it is most likely to be received in the spirit in which I intend it). Except that I still don't want to explain.

I don't know. I don't think there's any solution for this.

[lindwurmkai]

so a funny thing that happened the other day is that i may have finally identified the reason why i've always felt like i wanted to be a man but unfortunately was nonbinary and it's ridiculous

get this

now, disclaimer: i'm not saying i am a man. i still haven't entirely figured that out, and being plural makes it harder. but i am definitely some kind of guy, if perhaps a nonbinary one. which is a big departure from before, since my gender journey went something like agender -> genderqueer -> maverique -> oh wait i'm plural -> genderfluid with maverique as a baseline of sorts

even the entire time i was exploring my plurality and finding people of all genders in the system, i was convinced that we had originally started out as a nonbinary child. was i wrong? idk but here's the thing

i was conflating neurodivergence and gender in my head

no one can explain what an "internal sense of gender" is when decoupled from what you want your body to look like, right? but i was convinced i had that, and that it was exactly the sort of feeling that "maverique" describes.

as it turns out, that feeling may have been influenced by the feeling of alienation from humanity you tend to experience when you grow up neurodivergent, especially autistic. which, whenever i looked at it head-on, i thought i had fully turned into a positive thing for myself - i only hang out with other ND people now, we are awesome little creatures, no problem

but apparently it got in the way anytime i even remotely considered i might be a man? because, see, i was already a creature. that identity slot was taken.

am now trying to internalise the mind-blowing notion that some creatures are also men 🤯

i've had friends who identified as nonbinary until they realised they were men in denial, and have read posts by strangers who went through the same thing. this whole time, i was so sure that couldn't be me. i had a strong "internal sense of gender", after all! and it told me i was some kind of creature! being a creature was even important to me, so clearly no denial was involved here! 🤦🏻‍♂️

never underestimate my ability to confuse the fuck out of myself.

i do also think that the plurality was a big contributing factor and even now it still complicates things although the system has (as far as i can tell) shrunk significantly. i don't know what i'm going to end up being if i absorb more of my headmates in the future. but i feel like my identity is crystallising into something way more solid than i've ever had before, and it's not what i would have expected 5 years ago.

either way, internalising the concept that it's possible for someone to be a man and feel alienated from humanity at the same time can't hurt 🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

[bronx-aro]

I use he/him and TECHNICLY xem/xem. Nobody uses those IRL, because i just neverbothered really telling anyone bout it. It's in all my bios ol the internet tho.

I DID, however use only Xem/Xem for a time where i didnt really have a friend circle IRL. It lead to a couple of confusing situations when talking with people on the internet. But i did try because those were my ONLY pronouns at the time. Switching over to basicly only using he/him wasn't really a choice i made as much at it was just... Easier than to explain everything. Same reason why i never bothered correcting classmates that used she/her when i'm transmasc: I don't know these people so i don't care.

And while i COULD do the whole explaining thing to my friends and family, it just seems like a lot of effort when he/him is right there and easier on everybody.

ALSO while i am transmasc, I AM NOT A MAN.

I am genderfaun (genderfluid that doesn't pass over fem gender). Yeah i am a full man sometimes, but not all the time! It's partially why i identify as nonbinary before i identify as trans. Because while i'm masc, i feel like identities like agender, demiboy, genderqueer, ect, make up far more of my identity than just "man" could ever encapsulate.

But explaining that i use he/him while not idnetifying as a man is such a chore, especially since most people around me still think that sexuality and gender around me are the same thing, or at least greatly affecting each other. Someone was genuenly confused as why i liked men if i was transmasc- because why "become" a man if it doesn't evolve liking girls? (no shame to that guy he's actually quite nice.)

So i kind of just let people assume about me, because either they are stranger and i do not care what they things (or at least it's funny like people going like sir? Wait no miss- No lo you had it right the first time. Amuses me to no end). Or they are people i'm close enough to say "hey can u use that/not say this"? And they will just do it without it having to explain my whole internal set.

hot (bitter) take but getting asked for your pronouns is kind of useless when you use anything but One of the big three. cis people short circuit when you answer with it/its or neopronouns or even just multiple alternating sets

one time a girl asked my pronouns, i told her it/its, she tried ONCE before asking if she could just use they/them. right in front of my salad. like why even ask me at that point

[rjalker]

The Murderbot Diaries and Gender: Not nearly as progressive as you think it is.

Edit: No, people, this is not an excuse for you to misgender Murderbot. Why do I even need to say this -.-

here's a list of things Martha Wells needs to do before The Murderbot Diaries can in any way be considered trans representation at all, let alone good trans representation. Feel free to add on anything I missed.

And keep this in mind: I am not human, I am nonbinary, I use it/its pronouns, and I have read other, older books by Martha Wells, I have seen more examples on her views regarding gender/sex than appear in The Murderbot Diaries. (I'm not saying this to like, one-up anyone, I'm just saying I've had to read through her protagonist arbitrarily assigning genders and pronouns to other characters and it was agonizingly bad to read, okay)

And if for whatever reason someone decides to steal this post and put it on Twitter, since apparently people have done that with my posts about books and shows in the past, (like, what the hell, people, you could have at least asked) let me just say: Martha Wells, hire trans and nonbinary people to read over your books for you before you publish them. These are very basic problems with very simple solutions.

---

(Archived read-more link)

1) Have Murderbot explicitly state that it uses it/its pronouns. Have some asshole try to assign Murderbot different pronouns as a way of patronizing it while pretending they're being respectful and nice. Show how absolutely bigoted and wrong this is. State it explicitly that Murderbot's pronouns are it/its and it hates being called by other pronouns.

2) Have a construct or bot that has not been altered by a human be trans in that they have a very definitively binary gender, even though they have the same "lack of gender or sex related parts" as Murderbot or any other bot. Give us a trans woman bot or construct. Give us a trans man bot or construct.

Preferably one who hasn't or doesn't alter their configuration at all until well after their gender and transness has been established.

Because lets set one thing straight: Martha Well's grasp of gender so far is very blatantly that sex = gender, or lackthereof.

As far as Martha Wells is concerned, Murderbot is agender because it has no "gender or sex related parts". This is an established pattern in her writing.

She is still very much on the train of "sex = gender", and is now just applying that "no sex = no gender". as the logical conclusion.

Except it's still the same transmisic idea, now just assigning gender (specifically, its lack thereof, because they have no sex) to bots and constructs. She is pretty much pointing at a brick wall and going "That thing is genderless".

Just like her protagonist Moon in the Books of the Raksura sees a person with breasts and goes "oh that person I thought was a man because of their deep voice is actually a woman. Got it." without ever once stopping to ASK, or even considering asking, even though he's literally interacting with hundreds of species who interact with hundreds of other species on the daily. If Martha Wells had any understanding of gender, none of these characters would bat an eye at explaining their gender to different species, or having different sets of pronouns for each species and group. Especially because they're all already speaking multiple languages. The failing is in her nonexistent understanding of gender beyond "gender = sex".

Martha Wells has Moon go "Breasts = woman, deep voice = man" and we're just supposed to go along with this because this is as far as her grasp of gender went when she was writing The Books of the Raksura.

And the same exact thing is happening in The Murderbot Diaries, except now she's gotten slightly better, by having the characters be genderless, instead of having the protagonist literally go around arbitrarily assigning genders and pronouns to everyone he meets. (And by "he" I am of course referring to Moon, not Murderbot.)

Except it's not actually better, because it's still the exact same problem. It's still the exact same form of transmisia, even though she's trying to make it work. It does not.

Martha Wells needs to learn that gender does not equal sex. She needs to have characters whose genders do not match their sex (or lack thereof). She needs to stop assigning characters genders based on their sex.

She needs to actually talk to and interact with and learn from trans people, especially nonbinary people. So many things in The Murderbot Diaries could have easily been avoided by just having a trans person read and go "hey just fix this thing quick" and it'd be done. Like, these are short stories for crying out loud. It wouldn't be difficult to fix these problems at all.

We need bot and construct characters who are binary trans.

We need more main, reoccurring human characters who are confirmed nonbinary, and we need more main reoccurring characters who are confirmed nonbinary specifically in ways that are not already socially established and accepted.

We need a character who is nonbinary who is from a planetary system where only male and female are recognized, no free pass with tercera--which literally translates to "third"-- already being a socially accepted mainstream thing. Having a gender trinary is not better than having a gender binary. Shoving people into three boxes is not better than shoving them into two.

Tercera could be a great idea as part of the world building, if it were one of many countless examples of both established and new nonbinary genders across many planetary systems.

And hell, for the binary bot or construct I mentioned earlier? If she wanted to show a character transitioning....ART literally has a fully equipped medical suite. ART or its drones could literally perform whatever gender-affirming surgery this bot or construct wanted.

3) again it goes with the above. Having characters list their genders (or rather, knowing Martha Well's view of gender what with all the reoccurring characters to date being cis, their sexes) in the feed is not enough. Especially when Murderbot lists its gender as "indeterminate" or "not applicable". That does not tell anyone anything about what pronouns it uses.

If someone lists their gender as "nonbinary" that does not tell you anything about what pronouns they use. Even if someone listed their gender as "man" or "woman" or "male" or "female" that literally does not tell you anything about what pronouns they use!

The characters should not be listing their sex (because let's be honest, that's what they're doing, because unless Martha Wells starts talking to trans people and educating herself about these sorts of things she's not going to suddenly reveal that one of the reoccurring human characters has actually been trans this whole time), they should be listing their pronouns! This is their internet profile! People need to know what pronouns to use for them!

Have Murderbot add it/its to its feed profile! Kill multiple birds with one stone! Explicitly state Murderbot's pronouns! Fix the fact that the characters list their sex on their profile rather than their pronouns! Metaphysically punch the transmisic readers in the face!

Because there are people reading these books who purposefully fucking misgender Murderbot because they think calling it by it's actual fucking pronouns is insulting! And that is an idea Martha Wells needs to snuff out! Explicitly! These people will literally argue with you that it's good for them to misgender the main character of this series!

4) Have one of the main reoccurring human characters (Pin-Lee, Ratthi, Gurathin, Mensah, Overse, Arada, ect.) come out as nonbinary. They figured out they were nonbinary from hanging out with Murderbot so often. Look at that! We have a main reocurring nonbinary human character whose gender does not equal their sex! Killing several birds with one stone!

They can literally even change their name and pronouns and medically transition if they fucking want because it's not like they don't live on Planet Free Healthcare™ and more importantly it's literally never too late to question or explore your gender and you're never too old or too anything to realize you're nonbinary and that is a kind lesson many people need to hear!

So many people think they aren't "allowed" to be nonbinary because they're "too old" or "been married for too long" or "had kids" or any other number of things that have absolutely nothing to do with whether or not you're nonbinary!

The only thing you have to do to be nonbinary is be nonbinary!

And again, we need constructs and bots that are binary trans as well! We need more explicitly trans human characters too, not just characters who we can literally only assume Murderbot is assigning they/them pronouns to since no one lists their pronouns in their feed profile, and Martha Wells has never bothered to say anything like "and their feed profile said they use they/them pronouns", so we literally just have to assume that Murderbot is assigning them pronouns but instead of being Moon and assigning everyone he or she, it's assigning people they/them like that's any better. Hint: it's not. It's the same problem but now with a slightly wider range.

Like. I love Martha Wells' writing. It's great. But she really needs to start talking to and listening to trans people because there are so many problems that have absurdly easy solutions.

She has improved since she wrote The Books of the Raksura, but it's not enough improvement for these books to be called trans representation at all, let alone good trans representation, not even considering great.

Murderbot isn't trans, it is the construct equivalent of being cis. It is a cis construct who agrees with the genderlessness it was assigned at construction. That is not trans representation. It's nonbinary representation, it's aroace representation, it's it/its pronoun user representation, but it's not trans representation, and the only reason it's aroace is, again, because it is a construct and has no sex. This is still literally sex = gender. Literally still that.

-

To summarize:

The Murderbot Diaries won't be representative of trans people until there are actually trans recurring characters, both human and nonhuman, binary and nonbinary. The Murderbot Diaries won't be representative of trans people until Martha Wells learns to stop equating sex with gender and the lack thereof with the lack thereof.

We need constructs and bots who are trans in binary male or female direction.

We need main reoccurring human characters who are nonbinary.

We need the characters to list their pronouns in their feed profile instead of their sex.

Martha Wells needs to talk to and listen to trans people if she wants her stories to actually be representative of trans people and our experiences.

She has improved since she wrote The Books of the Raksura, but considering they're atrocious when it comes to not being transmisic, that's not saying a lot, that's actually the bare minimum.

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

(Please ignore this if it is too personal) When did you first know you were a man? How would I know whether I am a man or a woman? Is there certain feelings attached or something else? I’d like to hear more about your experience if you’re willing to share. Either way, thanks for your time and have a great day!

Oh boy gender stuff! Good luck anon!

I'll do my best to describe what it was like for me, but everyone's different and I feel like I had kind of a non-standard story anyway, maybe? (feelings were weird bc.... autism? trauma? depression?? all of the above??) But everyone's different, anyways. Some people know as soon as they have a concept of gender as small kids and some people find out super late in life, I figured it out the year after I graduated college.

There isn't really a specific moment I can remember, it was just sort of... steadily going "huh. hm. I think maybe.... huh..." and doing research and thinking about it. A couple days at the very end of August were the tipping point and I was sure by September, which is sort of a personal holiday for me figuring it out. For quite a while but especially for the year previous to this I'd been figuring out that I liked my hair short, and that I liked wearing more masculine clothes (my homophobic mom several times accused me of being queer and I was like WTF NO LEAVE ME ALONE I'M CLEARLY A COMPLETELY CISHET GOOD CHRISTIAN WAMEN WHO IS NOT SLOWLY DEVELOPING A GENDER CRISIS lol.) You can see why the um environment in my family might have contributed to me... not wanting to/feeling allowed to explore this earlier idk.

I was unsure for basically the first year of knowing I was trans, because I have issues with doubting my perceptions easily, but I logiced my way through it and was like. Why would I -want- to alienate my family and complicate my whole life if this wasn't real, like why would I choose extra inconvenience for funsies?? I wouldn't. I've gotten a bit more sure about myself and able to trust my perceptions since then, but also relaxed on knowing the specifics of everything. I'm still figuring out my gender and sexuality on some level (I'm some type of aroace but what fine print and where on the spectrum? idk but I'm something. I'm transmasculine, am I Completely Binary 100% Full Gender Man Dude or more nonbinary/agender? idk, I do know that I want to transition, for now I just tell people I'm a trans man and it's close enough and feels right.)

Emotionally, it's weird. For me, I didn't... at least I didn't notice dysphoria, at first? Because that was the way I'd always been, it felt normal. But here's the thing, "normal" felt dull and dead and just sort of empty. Like I wasn't interested in being my gender I was just sort of going through the motions because it seemed like I was supposed to. The big difference for me was realizing that I wanted masculinity and that it made me feel good about my gender, something I had not felt before. Before it had always just been like "eh, sure, okay, I guess. I mean, there's not another option, right?" (There was.)

I guess when I figured it out there was just sort of a sense of, oh, okay. There's nothing to go back to, because that was all just a lot of -nothing-, and now I've figure out how to actually feel alive, gender-wise. Like I didn't feel there was an option to turn that awareness off.

I don't know, it's confusing trying to explain it. Feelings weird. I want to say "you'll just know" but I did get super anxious and psyche myself out going "but what if I'm just completely deranged and making this all up for some incomprehensible reason?? or what if I'm POSSESSED??" (true story.) so like, it uh, took me a while to Know(TM) myself.

It might be easier to put aside the "am I trans" question for a sec and think about specific things that you do know that you are or want. Like this page! also this, and @transgenderteensurvivalguide in general. They're a good source. and I really like youtuber Jammidodger. There's sometimes a disconnect between finding community online and in the real world though, what I found out is that there were a lot more queer people and a lot more resources in my area than I thought! I was able to get top surgery like right down the street, I had assumed I'd need to travel to another state. So try to figure out if there's a local LGBTQ+ organization of some kind, they might have more information for what's in your area. I'm on a weekly zoom call with other trans people in the community, it's open to gender-nonconforming and questioning people as well as trans allies. I think a lot of trans groups generally are open for you to just come hang out and talk to other people and see other people if you're questioning your gender, you don't have to have all the answers on day one.

I hope some of this helps, it's really only something you can figure out yourself but @transgenderteensurvivalguide is a good compilation of resources to help figure it out. Good luck anon! Take your time, try not to freak out too much, I love you!

[mythandlaur]

For the ask meme: Ajisai. You know you want to ;)

Send me a character

THAT'S NOT FAIR THAT'S MY OWN CHARACTER. Well if I put this in the tag I should clarify this is the OG version of the book demon I like to write about a lot.

Sexuality Headcanon: Asexual demiromantic. Deep bonds are required for romantic attraction, as well as, usually, a bit of effort on their part to think of someone that way.

Gender Headcanon: Nonbinary/agender by way of "literally who cares"; usually dresses and presents masculine, but will respond to any pronouns (besides "it", because they associate that more with Ayashii and it makes them uncomfortable)

A ship I have with said character: ...ms. accord. don't @ me the vaguely ominous mysterious quirkiness would be off the charts.

A BROTP I have with said character: I just want them to be able to hang out with their nephew and teach Klug how to deal with dark magic without getting himself in over his head. I just want them to serve as a protector to the Primp kids. Also Lemres (since they technically knew him for a good while), Squares and Ex (similar situations, trapped alone and became an antagonist), and Ecolo as a constant nuisance.

A NOTP I have with said character: Any of the kids, especially Sig. Seriously. I just. I can't. No. Don't.

A random headcanon: Everything's a headcanon they're basically an OC by now but. They originated in Arle's world and knew Satan fairly well before everything happened, though the two tended to butt heads a lot and had a sort of "rivalry" going on spurred by a Puyo match at one of Satan's parties back when Ajisai didn't know how to play. Ajisai happened to come to Primp Town's world and wound up staying there, but Satan would visit fairly often--until Satan suddenly blocked the two worlds off from each other so thoroughly that Ajisai could never find a way around the barrier (because of the impending second war with the Creator). This seal lasted until long after Ajisai was "dead", and they still don't know the reason behind it.

General Opinion over said character: You can bet I'm thinking about them at any given time. I want to make them into a full on unaffiliated OC just so I can write about them more without mild embarrassment and having to explain that I pulled them out of basically nothing. I always want to talk about them. I love them so much you would not believe.

[teddylacroix]

I've reblogged this before, but reblogging again because I keep thinking about it and trying to suss out what is resonating and what is not and how I feel and what my own journey has been and. I think. What it came down to for me is a fear of imposter syndrome. Like I was afraid of trying to claim being something I'm not, because I was raised a good little Christian girl. So even though I was waging a constant war on gender since I was little, and oscillated between wanting girl clothes or boy clothes, or girl hobbies or boy hobbies, and hated when people would put me in the bucket of Girl, I didn't know enough to contest it. I didn't know what being a girl was supposed to mean. I didn't identify with the term at all. My mother dreamt that I was going to be a boy when she was pregnant with me. My dad said people constantly mistook me for a boy when I was a baby because of how I acted (???). Before I was born, my life was set up to be a boy, and then I came out with a vagina, and everyone changed course.

When I would occasionally be gendered as a boy as a teenager, I was delighted. But I didn't feel transgender. I didn't feel like a boy. I just didn't feel like a girl.

I made up the term asexual for myself when I was in middle school because I'd just learned the prefix a- means "not" and I didn't understand why everyone else was obsessed with dating and sex and how cute so-and-so was, but I didn't realize I could stretch this notion to gender as well. I was always drawn to androgynous or intersex characters and resented my body for not being able to give me that, because it felt the most right.

For a while, I was a little jealous of trans* people, because they had such certainty about their gender identity despite the body God* gave them. I didn't have that. I didn't know why I was a girl. I didn't know that I was a girl. I was a girl because people told me I was a girl.

(*I'm no longer Christian, but I was at the time.)

I didn't learn about agender/nonbinary/genderfluidity until uni, and by then I felt like I knew who I was: biromantic asexual. I still wasn't sure about the female thing, but I thought maybe I was just a tomboy sometimes, femme other times, and it was fine, it was whatever. I didn't need a label. Whenever I was speaking Korean or Japanese it didn't even matter anyway, since pronouns aren't a thing. I just wished English was the same way so I didn't have to feel so weird whenever someone addressed me in a particularly feminizing way. But I still felt like I couldn't be nonbinary myself because I didn't feel right taking that label when other people deserved it more. I felt like I would be diminishing the validity of it because I do present female, and I experience almost no dysphoria, and most of the time it was fine because it wasn't like people were referring to me to my face anyway. I didn't feel it was right to barge into the territory of NB folx and try to belong, since I never belonged, anywhere. I was never good at peopling. The internet and fandom and anime culture taught me more about how to sound like a girl, but I had to learn it.

But it never stopped bothering me, especially after reading this thread. It hit me that I have no attachment to any gender. If I woke up tomorrow in a male body, that would be completely fine. I'd probably start using male pronouns out of convenience, since that's what my current pronouns are—convenience. Not having to explain my whole life story. I am not connected to my form at all. I am not connected to a female identity. If I woke up in a sexless robot body, that's fine, too. I don't feel like a woman. I don't know what being a woman is supposed to feel like. I never had OP's certainty. I don't feel like a man. I don't feel like both. I don't feel like I oscillate between the two. I just do not vibe with gender.

I’m a cis-gender man which basically means that, when I was born, the doctor went “It’s a boy!” and when I was old enough to understand I agreed with him.

The thing is, I don’t know why I feel like a man.  I was teased and bullied for it a lot when I was little.  I’ve never had stereotypically American male interests.  I never cared about sports or cars or guns.  I was more interested in music and cooking and the arts.  I’ve always been emotionally in tune and sensitive, even when I did my best to suppress my emotions to survive a childhood of abuse from other children.

It’s not physical either.  I don’t feel like a man because I have a penis or a beard.  If you put my brain in a robot body or any other body, my essence would still feel male (I assume).  I literally can’t imagine what being any other gender would feel like, since I feel so acutely male.

I think that’s why the concept of being transgender always made sense to me.  I’m a man.  I don’t have any bloody clue why I feel like a man, but I don’t feel that it’s tied to my body or my interests or the way that I’ve been treated.  I feel like a man because of something beyond that.  Something ephemeral.  So, why couldn’t others feel the same?  Why couldn’t a person who’s been misidentified as a girl feel like a boy for the exact same nebulous reasons that I do?

And, since gender really doesn’t make any sense to me anyway, why couldn’t there also be people who feel as if they don’t have one?  Or who flow across genders like a ship on a map?

Are there people out there whose sense of their own gender is inseparable from their physical form?  If you put those people into robot bodies or, simply, other physically different bodies, would their gender identity also swap?  If so, why?  Are they actually more lost in their gender identity than I am and they need to hone in on the physical in order to anchor themselves?

Why do people feel like they are the gender that they are?