#especially since chris I feel would work himself way too hard :(

[onegroovyrose]

Arclight shenanigans!

[ev3rgreenxtrees]

“Give Me Space”

-C.S

Synopsis: Chris gets ‘too’ clingy when you’re having a bad week, and you snap at him. Things take a turn for the worst.

Pairing: Boyfriend!Chris X Fem!reader (she/her)

Warnings: Angst, arguing, cussing, ‘breakup’, anxiety.

A/N: please keep in mind that this is fanFICTION. It is NOT true whatsoever, I do not think Matt would speak to anyone in a manner like how he did in this story. Also, i’m not a huge fan of this one :((((

Obviously you love Chris, that was clear for anyone to see. And he loved you just as much. However, you were having a bad week, and you couldn’t stand Chris’ clinginess.

Commonly, this wouldn’t bother you. You actually loved it when he was clingy, since it was how he usually was. He’d always want to be touching you in any way he could, even if he could just hold your hand, he’d be satisfied.

Sometimes, though, his clinginess was just too much for you. Especially if you were having a hard day and just needed space.

You lay on your bed in discomfort, reading through your emails, incase one of the hundreds were important. Chris opens the door and makes his way quietly into the room, so quiet to the point you didn’t notice he was there until he was latched onto you.

“Missed you,” He mumbles, his face tucked against you. You let out a frustrated groan.

Usually, you’d put your phone down and cuddle with him. You’d wrap your arm around his back and play with his fluffy hair, but not today. You just needed space.

“Chris, get off, please.” You asked in a firm tone, causing him to lift his head up. His eyebrows were furrowed in a confused manner, as he tilted his head and hummed. “Chris. Off.” You demanded more firmly, and he stood up slowly.

“I.. I’m sorry..? Did I do anything?” He asks confused. It broke your heart, but you just needed space.

“No, I just need space.” You replied sultry. He slowly stood up from the bed, and tilted his head again.

“Like.. space as in a break, or just.. space?” He asked, his eyes turning glossy.

“Goddamnit, Chris. Sometimes you’re just too fucking clingy. I need space.” You replied groaning, rubbing your eyes before looking back over to the now heartbroken boy. “You’re just too fucking annoying sometimes.”

“Oh.. I-I understand-“ He nodded as tears rolled down his red cheeks.

“Chris, no-“ You started feeling remorse, you didn’t mean to hurt him, you just needed him to leave you alone for a bit.

“No. I get it. It’s okay. I’m too fucking clingy, and annoying.” He shook his head, wiping his tears.

“Chris, stop, you know I-“ You began speaking again, but like before, you were cut off.

“You stop. I get it, i’m fucking annoying. You don’t have to worry about that anymore, though. I’m staying with Matt until you aren’t so adamant about needing your fucking space.” Chris snaps. You quickly stand up, making your way towards the frustrated and confused boy.

You went to go put your arms around him, to engulf him in a reassuring hug, but he quickly backed away. “Don’t touch me, you said you needed your fucking space.” He growls before turning back to the door, heading to Matts’ room.

He slammed the door behind him, not allowing you to follow him. You sat back down in your shared bed, immediately feeling horrible for what you said to him. You felt tears prick at the corners of your eyes, but you tried to blink them away. It didn’t work, before long, tears were streaming effortlessly down your face.

Chris walked quietly down the hall, feeling ashamed of himself. He walked to Matt’s door, stopping at it before knocking. He heard his brother mumble a ‘come in’, so he did.

He closed the door behind him, before beginning to walk over to his brothers bed, tears still rolling down his now tear stained cheeks.

“Chris, whats the matter?” Matt asked, dropping his phone on the bed next to him.

“She said i’m..” He paused, and stopped moving. He was too clingy, this was proving her point. “Nevermind. Sorry.” Chris stated blankly before turning to head out of his worried older brothers bedroom.

“Chris, sit your ass down in my bed, right now.” Matt demanded. Chris stopped moving, and slowly turned around to make his way back to Matt’s bed. “What did she say?” He asked the other boy as he sat down.

“She said i’m too clingy.” Chris spoke softly, his voice cracking.

“Huh? You’re not though,” Matt scoffed. “She’s probably not having a good day. I’m sure she’ll be in here in a minute to apologize for the way she acted.” Matt suggested, and Chris shook his head.

“She said she needed space. She said i’m ‘too fucking annoying’, Matt. Do you know how much that fucking hurts?” Chris stated, his voice cracking as tears began to well up in his eyes again.

“Chris.. I’m sorry, buddy..” Matt cooed as he pulled Chris into a much needed hug. “I’m sorry,” Matt mumbled as Chris sobbed into Matt’s shirt.

Matt couldn’t see his own sibling this hurt. He had to say something.

“Water? Pepsi?” Matt offered, and Chris nodded his head at Pepsi.

Matt nodded as he stood up, heading to get Chris the drink.

“I’ll be right back.” Matt flashed Chris a false smile, as Chris laid down in the boy’s bed.

Matt made his way through the house, heading to Chris’ room, which was now basically a shared room between you and him. Matt knocked on the door, and you jumped off the bed, rushing to the door, thinking it was your boyfriend.

You threw the door open, immediately wrapping your arms around Matt’s torso, completely oblivious to the fact that it was in fact, not your boyfriend.

“Get the fuck off me.” Matt growled, pushing your shoulders away from him. You quickly let go of him, backing away, finally realizing it was Matt.

“Oh- fuck, i’m sorry. I thought you were-“ You started, but like you had been multiple other times today, you got cut off.

“Yeah, you thought I was Chris. Ya know, if I was Chris, things would’ve just got really fuckin’ awkward, considering you told him he was too clingy. You didn’t even give yourself time to process who I was before you were wrapping your fucking arms around me.” Matt stated blankly, causing your eyebrows to furrow. You and Matt had always gotten along, and you’ve never heard him speak to anyone this way.

“What..?” You ask confused.

“Don’t ‘what’ me, you know exactly what this is about. I swear to fucking god, if you ever call my little brother ‘annoying’ or ‘too clingy’ ever again, I will not hesitate to kick you the fuck out of my house. You better watch your fuckin’ mouth around him and apologize. Understand? If he ever comes in my room crying about something you did to him again, I don’t give a fuck if you have to walk home in negative twenty degree weather carrying all of your belongings at two in the goddamn morning, I will kick you the fuck out, and you will not be coming back. Yeah?” Matt demands, making his anger and frustration very clear.

“Yeah- I.. I understand.” You nod quickly.

“Good, ‘cause I do love you, and I wouldn’t wanna do that to you, but don’t ever say some wack ass shit like that to him ever again. Now go apologize while I get him a Pepsi.” Matt grabs your shoulder, shaking it gently, before walking off, leaving you confused and stunned.

You decided to take Matts suggestion to go apologize to your boyfriend. You walked down the hall to Matts room, and walked in without knocking.

You were met with Chris laying on Matts bed, wrapped in the older boys’ blankets, with tear stained cheeks.

“Oh, my baby..” You cooed, feeling your heart break. “I’m so so fucking sorry..” You walked slowly towards him, as you saw his glossy eyes meet yours.

The look on his face is something you will never forget. It’s a look you never expected nor wanted to see from him in the first place. A look of unworthiness, pain, and longing.

All the poor boy wanted from you was to hold him, yet instead, you shooed him off and called him annoying. How ungrateful. You felt your eyes begin to well with tears, not for the first time today.

“Come here.. I’m so so goddamn sorry. I promise you, you aren’t annoying at all. And never too clingy.” You scoffed. “I was so fucking stupid to say such a thing. I love you, you know that.” You reassured, and watched as Chris slowly stood up from Matt’s bed.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry i’m such a baby.” Chris blinked harshly, trying to keep the tears from spilling out. It didn’t work.

You pulled him into a hug, your arms over his shoulders, his head buried in the crook of your neck, as his arms were wrapped tightly around your waist.

“Hey, no. Don’t say that, you are not a baby. You are anything but that. I promise you, I didn’t mean anything I said, okay? I promise wholeheartedly.” You reassured the sniffling boy.

“Yeah.. I know.” He nodded. “I love you,” He mumbled softly, but just loud enough for you to hear.

“I love you too.” You replied, placing a gentle kiss on the boy’s lips. No amount of words would ever be enough to let him truly understand how sorry you are.

“Do you know where Matt went? He was supposed to get me a Pepsi. Like, twenty minutes ago..” Chris furrowed his eyebrows, and you let out a small giggle before ruffling the clueless boys’ hair.

[stoned-writer]

A request where chris evans fucks his assistant, reader in his trailer

so so sorry this took the longest ever but here we are !

side note- i shall no longer write for c.evans

photo not mine*

the assistant - Chris Evans

summary- after being friends with chris for years and working for him, the feelings boil over and tension breaks.

warnings- p in v unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it yall), choking, use of daddy, oral (m & f) not sure of any other pls lmk !

word count- 1,351

a/n- not totally happy with this but i hope yall enjoy.

MINORS DNI 18+

You had been friends with Chris since high school, you knew his life and all its chaos better than anyone so it only made sense when you inevitably became his assistant as his career grew. 

You did have one tiny problem with your little arrangement…

You’re unbelievably in love with him. 

It was especially hard on days like today when you’re on set with him watching him walk around like he isn’t the sexiest man alive. You don't really know when it happened, maybe you always felt this way about him, but all you knew was you couldn’t take it anymore. 

You were sitting in his trailer answering some emails when he strolls in wearing the most simple outfit, jeans and white t-shirt that is at least a size too small, almost instantly the dirty thoughts start running through your mind “his arms look so sexy, i wonder what it would feel like to have them wrapped around my-” you’re snapped out of your daze when you realize he's talking to you shit “hey pretty got a lot to do today?” he asks sweetly, tilting his head slightly, you blush and look away hoping he doesn’t notice “no actually all done for the day” he plops himself down on the couch next to you, arm stretched out behind you. He’s so close you can smell his cologne so casual like he doesn’t know he's driving you insane. 

You finally look up at him and find he’s already looking at you with a cheeky little smirk on his face he’s up to something “well what do you know i'm all done for today too.” The sexual tension between the two of you is off the charts right now you think you might explode if someone doesn’t make a move soon. 

He catches you staring, “see somethin ya like doll?”  Your eyes snap up to his - is this really happening right now ? taking a second to catch your breath you look from his eyes to his lips briefly before replying “yeah would there be a problem with that?” he laughs lowly casting his eyes over your body before making his way back up to your eyes “not at all” he leans in a little bit and you find yourself leaning to meet him halfway, his hand makes its way to the side of your neck, lips barely touching he says “are you sure about this pretty girl?” you nod your head instantly but that’s not enough for him, “words baby” he demands shit you're wet you lick your lips “yes i'm sure.” 

He doesn’t waste any more time and crashes his lips to yours. You both moan out at the new contact between the two of you. It was like the dam finally broke after years of pent up tension and pining it was finally happening. 

He brings his hand down to the back of your thigh and grabs you to sit up and straddle his lap as both his hands now slide to grab your ass, he moans into your mouth at the feel of the flesh between his huge hands. You instinctively start to grind down on him feeling how hard he is through his jeans. You slide down off of him to rest on your knees in between his legs as he adjusts himself to be manspreading looking down at you with a lazy smile on his stupidly handsome face. You reach to undo his belt and make quick work of sliding his jeans off, you can't say you're surprised when you see how big he is through his boxers, saliva pooling in your mouth at the thought of getting him into your mouth. Reaching up to slide his boxers down, he mumbles almost to himself “i can't believe this is actually happening” you almost didn't hear him but you chuckle and say “oh believe it baby.”

You lock eyes with him as you spit onto his cock “jesus christ” he exhales, and you proceed to take him into your mouth as much as you can, his eyes roll back at the feeling of your mouth working on him, he brings his hands to gather your hair in a makeshift ponytail- “look at you angel so pretty with my cock in your mouth goddamn so good honey, such a good girl for me aren’t you?’ you moan around him at his praise. His hips buck up into your mouth as you take him further down your throat, “fuck baby as much as I would love to cum in your mouth I need to be inside you right now” he growls as he pulls you off of him as he undresses you insanely fast and pulls you back into his lap. 

He brings his hand under your chin to make you look at him as you position yourself over him, swiping his thumb across your bottom lip and pushing it into your mouth, he exhales “gonna be the death of me pretty girl”

You both moan out in sync as you sink down on his cock, giving you a minute to adjust, he rubs his hands over your hips as he starts to move you back and forth. “So big daddy oh fuck-” “shit say that again baby, go on what’s my name?” “daddy- feels so good, so deep” he then takes this opportunity to stand and place you down on your back on the way too small couch. 

He then starts destroying your pussy at an alarming pace but you couldn't think past the immense pleasure you're feeling, he brings his hand up to your throat and applies just the right amount of pressure, “eyes on me angel” he growls to keep you present with him, he looks down to where the two of you are connected and spots a bulge in your lower stomach, it drives him crazy, he presses down on it and says “fuck honey feel that? Feel how deep i am in your guts, god this pussy was made for me.” you're a moaning mess, unable to form a complete sentence “uhh fuck - daddy” he laughs lightly, “got you cockdrunk already huh? Feel you squeezing me baby i know you’re close go on give it to me cum all over my cock baby” thats quite literally all it takes till you’re screaming “oh my god chris- daddy fuck i’m cumming.”

Your orgasm triggers his own and he’s twitching inside you and spilling his whole load inside you. Moaning at the warm feeling, he leans down to kiss you. 

“I’m not done yet honey, eyes on me.” 

Before you can ask what he means he’s pulling out of you and sinking to his knees as he dives in to eat your pussy like a man starved. His tongue lapping up the mess you both made has you arching off the couch and grabbing at his newly buzzed hair and your eyes rolling back. “Come on doll, you got one more for me right?” “uhh fuck- yes daddy” he moans into you, “thats right yeah you do.”

You can feel the band getting tighter and you know you’re close, he knows it too.

“I know baby, go on cum, you can do it for daddy, let go” 

And you certainly do. 

As you start to come down from your high he sits up wiping the sides of his mouth bringing his fingers into your mouth so you can taste yourself. He leans down to connect your lips to his, he squeezes himself back onto the couch with you bringing you back to sit in his lap. Before either of you can say anything there's a knock on the trailer door, “uh Mr. Evans you're needed back on set” says a surely traumatized crew member. 

You both sigh and start to get dressed, before he steps out he places his hands on your hips and says “we will definitely talk about this when I get back” with that he kisses you sweetly like he didn't just rearrange your insides, throws you a wink and out the door he goes. 

[loveandleases]

NOW TO THE ASK

How would the ROs feel if MC's body has become super sensitive from too many hanky-panky?

Just imagine if the RO has done it with MC so much that MC's body is changing from it (sensitive ears, nipples getting hard too quickly, getting wet/hard/turned on just from a small reminder of what was done to that poor coffee table, developing kinks to the point of addiction, etc).

Just straight up ruining them for anyone else. 💜

You asked for this XD

LOL, I did ask for it. So I shall do my part! Answer below the cut!!!!

❤️ Cam - He will be so proud of himself, out of all his achievements this is up there! "No one does it like me, huh?" This will trigger his exhibitionist kink so fast. He will just be asking if you want him to breed you right where you stand, and let everyone see what a mess you make for him. MC will have to calm Cam down, he just thinks it's the hottest thing. Will he possibly use this to his advantage especially when Chris decides to come around...maybe.

💙 G - They think it's hot and mainly get a sense of gratification knowing they've ruined MC in such a way. Since G is very much into edging they will use MC's sensitivity against them. Especially when in the office and filing things away. G would think it a perfect time to just graze a finger on the back of MC's neck or a hand down their pants. They won't let MC cum though, instead, they will just get them right to the edge and make them wait until they get back to the apartment. Unless MC decides they can't wait, maybe they just need to put G in their place.

💚 Kara - She enjoys knowing how pleased MC gets by her, by the way she treats them. This makes her feel even more affectionate towards MC. I can see her purposefully using MC's sensitivity to her advantage, especially at the office. She will just caress MC's thigh, and accidentally brush her body against them. Bend over and press her breasts against MC's back when reaching for something on the desk. Then use that moment to whisper into Mc's ear. "You're liking this, aren't you? Such a needy little slut. I want you to go to the break room and start playing with yourself until I get done here. Understood?"

💛 M - They will be so flustered and yet so proud at the same time. Oh our sweet one will be so quick to suggest either MC sitting in their lap or them in MC's. M would enjoy turning on MC so easily they would want to know what exactly excited them. The way they think about using toys on them, just to see what a mess they make, or is it time for M to work on giving oral. They wouldn't stop until MC finishes in or on M's face. They promise not to write about this, but they will want to remember it somehow. Would MC be interested in that?

💜 Isaac - They enjoy knowing just how sensitive MC gets, that this bond between them has Mc only wanting only needing them. So much so that they will call them and tell them exactly what they should be doing until Isaac get's back. Isaac will have a special pair of nipple clamps that they expect MC to be wearing. Send Isaac a photo, and show them just how badly they miss their touch.

🖤 Ardent - "No one can fill you up like I do baby." He is so smug about MC being ruined by him. Does it stroke his ego, and make him think about how MC is his in every sense? Absolutely. Does it make him want to bend MC over and "warm up"...absolutely. He can't figure out what is worse, that MC only responds this way to him, or that MC is the only one who makes him feel that way. He will want MC to tell him they're ruined by him. Admit just how no one else can make them feel half as good as he can.

[philipjohnclapp]

ahh okay awesome!! just fyi i love really really dark stuff so feel free to make it as dark as you want! could i please request a chris pontius x reader taking place in the early 00’s, maybe reader is a celebrity/actress/tv personality and their close friendship is all over the tabloids. she’s also in jackass occasionally. but the whole world and especially chris wants it to be more, but she just isn’t sure. maybe one day the jackass crew is getting really wild and they’re doing some drugs, and chris gives her something that’s laced? he takes what he wants from her and is trying to get her pregnant so she can’t leave him. feel free to change anything you’d like! and if you need to post it on Ao3 that’s ok just let me know what your username is! :) thank you so much!!!

I think that you made it up, I think that your mind is gone.

Word Count: 5715

A/N: It is not very good, to my standards anyways. It just seems rushed. The ending is bad, the smut feels rushed. And I’m sorry for that, but it’s lengthy. And I think there’s plot, and you freaky people might like it. I have plenty other fanfics as well that I think are better so don’t judge this as my best work. As always I hope you like it anyways, and feel free to leave requests. Also, this takes place in MTV era. Obviously a girl YN.

There weren't many girls in Jackass or strung to it, there were medics, and other people who were around, but that didn’t have much to do with Jackass. They were so in and out so frequently that they really didn’t matter to the Jackass image, but there was one girl. One girl who was really starting to get tied to it, she was more famous than them, probably more famous than Bam. A true celebrity, and Chris was just absolutely infatuated with her. He truly didn’t know what to do with himself.

Chris usually had no issues with getting what he wanted, well, when it came to chicks anyways. He was practically swimming in them, but lately, fuck, he only wanted one thing. One person. He was lucky enough to string on some sort of friendship with this Jackass girl, actually he’d say they were pretty close if she just wasn’t so disinterested in him most of the time. It was really getting under his skin trying to plan ways to corner her, to get closer. Because this friendship just wasn’t cutting it, he needed to have her.

Even the papers were starting to reflect this, this want, his desire. They’d make articles trying to push and shove at this relationship, “look at the way he looks at her!” And fuck, he wished she seen it too. He was determined for her to see it too. Because he wasn ’t gonna let this slip, even if she said no. There had to be a way; there was always a way to get what he wanted. Not just any girl would do.

He really has tried other fucks since this lust, this life taking fascination has started, but it just couldn’t stop it. Or at least lesson his animalistic urges. In fact it’s gotten to the point where he can’t get hard with any girl. Without the images in his mind of fucking her, the Jackass girl. And now his fantasies weren’t even cutting it, so he had to find something else. He had to get this shit on the road, have this come into fruition before he fucking dies or something. Because he’s got a huge sex drive, and a crush like a boy in kindergarten.

He thinks he might’ve found his opportunity, one of the guys was hosting a rager, or maybe it wasn’t a party and it was just them. Or maybe it was some random person he knew throwing the party, he couldn’t remember all the details, the only thing that registered him was Y/N was gonna be there, the Jackass girl. The one who caused this rut, the girl who made his heart swell, and his palms sweaty. This was his chance to finally get what he deserves, the one time he actually wants something and it plays hard to get.

So, Chris does the only logical thing, what every guy his age does when they have a crush. He calls around for dealers looking for something in specific, he even went as far to ask Steve-O, and in his squeaky gruff voice he said, “fuck no dude, I’m not into that type of shit.” And Chris just frowned, he didn’t get upset often, but that surely bothered him. This wasn’t wrong, Steve-O was nuts and strung out on every drug. He resisted so much trying not to beat him up, stay the bubbly Chris and not the blood lusting one because that’s what this girl was making him do. Luckily, Steve-O gave his details to someone who could help him, and he went on his way with his tail wagging between his legs.

Chris met with the dealer the day before the party, just in case. He’s never put so much thought into something before, he’s never been so on edge. He never even told Steve-O why. His palms were all sweaty, and he kept looking around while he got the roofies, shoving a wad of cash into that guys hands before he headed on home with a racing heart.

He cleaned his apartment, once- maybe twice. Fuck. He was just in the zone, making sure everything just looked the way it should if that made any sense at all. He even cleared his search history. He was so paranoid, but the more he thought about it the more wrong it started to feel. He shook that thought from his head, discarding it. His mind was just playing tricks on him. So, he set the pills on his nightstand and then he went to bed. Like a kid the night before Christmas, he just couldn’t wait.

He tossed and turned all night, waking up more than a handful of times. Anxious, wanting the night to go by faster, but it didn’t. Eventually he gave up and he just got out of bed, deciding he’d just get ready for the day. Call it quits. He had a rewarding day ahead of him, and his cock jumped at the thought of it, but he couldn’t be so lucky to get a hard on. He just signed and hopped on into the shower, taking a lengthy shower, a cold one. And when he was done he slipped on some cameo shorts, no boxers, and a shirt with some cheesy slogan plastered on the chest. When he was done he went back over to his dresser, grabbing his truck keys, and the pills and shoving them into the pockets of his shorts before he headed out of the door. He wouldn’t show up empty handed.

The party was starting relatively early, as some sort of hangout and then it’ll just escalate into drinking and whatnot later. But he wasn’t gonna go empty handed. The drive to the liquor store was a rather quick one, he picked up two 24 packs of beer, not even really caring for the brand as he flashed his ID, paid for the items and then he left. Putting the drinks in the passenger side before heading to the designated party house. His heart was racing. Hopefully the stars aligned for him tonight. With the help of some sweet old roofies.

To his surprise a decent amount of people were there, quite a few cars parked outside the giant house. Maybe it was Jeff’s, he couldn’t tell. It’s not like he went to his place often enough anyways. Exiting his truck as he carried both packs of beer, with a silly grin on his face as he walked up the drive in, someone running up beside him as he walked. Cocking his head to the side only to be met with good old Knoxville, who greeted him.

“Hey, party boy.. you brought drinks!”

He said enthusiastically, once they were inside, Knoxville ripped open one of the boxes Pontius was holding and he snagged himself a beer without question. It was the key to his heart. Even if the beer wasn’t exactly for him. Then again, that didn’t matter as long as his pills were safe, which they were. He hoped Y/N showed up, his whole night counted on it. If it didn’t he’d probably go home and cry. Pontius’s smile turned into a frown as he headed into the kitchen. Setting down both sets of 24 packs, fetching himself a beer too. Though, he wanted to stay as sober as possible so he could marinate in the experience.

Opening his own beer can as he stayed in the kitchen, just sipping on it for a while. He didn’t know how much time had passed until some strangers started flooding in, which he talked to for a moment until he peeled away to find someone he knew. He ended up finding a few of the guys, Tremaine, Preston, and Spike. Who he happily chatted to, until Y/N had come on over, he practically jumped when he seen you, a huge grin plastered on his face as he wrapped his arms on around you into a rather tight embrace.

“Hey Chris-“

You spoke. Being cut off by the sudden embrace, you just smiled and laughed. He probably already drank a decent amount, you liked hanging out with him though. Honestly, you weren’t even sure you were gonna go, mostly because of how big the party was gonna be and you could always drink at home. At least Chris was here, and you could always sneak off with him later.

“You’ve already had a lot to drink, haven’t you?”

You asked, purely out of curiosity as you pulled away from his embrace, eyeing the can of beer. And Chris’s brain just sorta short circuited for a moment as he quietly nodded. Even if this was his first beer, and he barely drank half of it. He was that careful. One was good enough to keep the edge off. He was playing it safe after all.

“Not enough, want me to fetch you a beer?”

He asked you, finishing off the rest that was in his own real quick. Before pulling it away from his lips and setting it down on some random countertop. He looked at you real carefully for a moment, and that focused look made your brows twist. Shaking off that random unnerving feeling that crept up your spine as you agreed.

“Yeah, okay. I might as well.”

You mumbled, even though for a moment you thought if you listened hard enough you could hear your mind screaming at you not to. But you shrugged that off too, just all that stress from the media and everything else getting to you. Just needed to relax a bit, and the beer would

Certainly do that for you. Also a bit of chatting with Chris always made your days a bit better. And you were glad that for once everyone was in the same

place, maybe you’d even go find Bam later. You’ve been wanting him to introduce you to his brother since you’ve really been starting to take a liking to CKY. The music was really good, maybe you were just delusional, though. Who knows.

Once you gave him the go ahead (he was gonna get you a drink anyways regardless) he parted ways from you briefly. Even though that was the utmost last thing that he wanted to do, he wanted to be as close as possible to you, but he’d have to wait. He couldn’t mess that up.

He smiled at you, it was sharp. Actually; everything about Chris was sharp right now, all of his features, all crooked and seemed sharp enough to stab you. It was different. That was different, his boyish shine was nowhere to be found, and you’ve never felt so terrified before. Maybe you were just being paranoid, it’s okay. Chris was always fine, now wouldn’t be any different.

Chris slipped back into the kitchen, leaving you with that uneasy feeling in your gut. He thought about the drink of choice, and he went for some sort of hard beverage, to of course enhance the experience. Pouring the strong liquid into the cup, and mixing it with some sort of soda. He left the solo cup on the counter as he felt around his pants pockets until he pulled out that baggy he had achieved earlier that day. Or maybe it was yesterday, he couldn’t exactly remember. Crushing the pills up in the bag until it was a fine powder, before he opened the baggy and shook all the powder out into the drink. Making sure he got every grain out before discarding the baggy in his back pocket. He stuck his index finger into the drink, swirling around the powder in it until it dissolved enough for him to be satisfied. Once he was done he picked back up the drink and left the kitchen, trotting back over to Y/N like an obedient dog. But he was anything but that, he was one bad dog tonight.

While he was gone you just stood there, debating leaving or not, but you decided you didn’t want to be an asshole for no reason. So you waited, defying your mind and soul. And then Chris was back before you knew it, with a solo cup of some sort of liquid. Your brows furrowed to one of confusion as you looked into his brown eyes, one’s that lacked that usual warmness. There wasn’t a sparkle in them,

“That’s not beer, is it?”

You asked. The look he had on his face was weird, as if he forgot how to control his face. Like he was making it up on the spot, and when he replied he stumbled over his words a bit. Making it all up on the spot as he held the drink forward, shaking it a bit to bring your attention to it. So you would take it.

“No,, there wasn’t any that I could see, but this stuffs better, trust me.”

Assuring you, well, pleading with you to take it. Like if you didn’t he might die. Fabricating a story and throwing in a few white lies, there was obviously beer. You knew it too, hell, you seen the beer in the kitchen when you were in there. But you ignored that sign again, of course you did. Caving in and taking that drink from him. He watched you take a long swig of the drink, it tasted bitter, but that could be because it was one of your first drinks, it was probably nothing.

“Good,, right?”

He says rather nervously as he watches you take your first sip, you weren’t so sure on how to react so you just give him a nod and a slight smile. A nervous one that was rather forced when you pull the brim of the solo cup away from your lips. You shake away that feeling again and decide fuck it, you’re at a party, your friends party. And nothing will happen to you because of that, so you start drinking more of the drink and Chris starts to loosen up a bit and converse a bit more. Before you knew it almost all of the drink was gone and your body was starting to sway.

And then you felt a rather firm hand grab onto your waist, supporting most of you as you leaned into it. Turning your head to the side to see whoever was grabbing you. Your head feeling all fuzzy, and your vision getting blurry. It was Johnny, you could tell by his shades, and you could see the concerned look on his face,

“You alright, Y/N?”

And Chris intervenes, knocking his hand against Johnny's wrist rather sharply, pushing him away. He traded Johnny's hand on your waist with his own as he interjected.

“She’s fine, don’t touch her PJ.”

You opened your mouth to say something as you turned your head to meet Chris. You were barely able to do that, moving your head was a whole lot harder than it was moments ago. No word came out of your mouth, just a glob of drool. And before you knew it your vision was fading. The last thing you heard was Johnny's muffled voice, you weren't able to make out the words as your vision faded to black.

“What the fuck did you do to her?!”

Chris caught your very limp body as you started to fall, switching from the way he held you to bridal style. Shooting Johnny sharp daggers as he growled at him in a way that could only be described as animalistic.

“You don’t understand, man, I fucking need this.”

He was no better than a dog, Johnny could hear the low guttural growl fall from his mouth. He said nothing, Johnny smiled at him through his dark shades. Putting his hands up in defense,

“Alright, alright. No need ta go all feral on me,, but, man.. She’s fuckin’ hot, ya gotta lemme fuck her”

Johnny's accent was strong, eyeing Y/Ns passed out corpse. The same way Chris did, with the utmost desire.

“Fuckkk… her tits are wonderful.”

Chris actually laughed at that, but frowned at the idea of having to share Y/N with him. Furrowing his brows as he replied, he sounded off. Not as warm as he usually was, his voice was all sharp like a cactus.

“Only if you keep your mouth shut about this, PJ. I’ll slice your neck if you tell a soul.”

Something told Johnny that he wasn’t lying, he swallowed hard and nodded his head obediently. Honestly, he wouldn’t complain. Not a soul, this would just be a fond memory to look back upon. He understood the assignment.

“Yessir, you’ve got it.”

With another firm nod from Johnny, he followed Pontius whom started to walk rather quickly. And then he went up a flight of stairs, disappearing into a bedroom that wasn’t his. PJ shut the door right behind them, making sure to lock the door real well. This is where the fun started.

Pontius threw your limp body onto the bed, it was like you were a doll. An unconscious doll, anybody would think you were dead if it wasn’t for the fact you had a pulse. You must’ve done something really bad to end up here, perhaps this was all of life’s karma adding up to conspire against you.

Chris smiled to himself, letting out a soft exhale as he watched you from the foot of the bed, Knoxville somewhere behind him already pulling down his jeans and boxers to his mid thighs.

Your “best friend” did the same. Pulling down his loved cameo shorts in one swift tug before he palmed himself through his striped boxers, something of a blue-green color. Already developing himself an erection. He rubbed his calloused palm against his clothed dick until his semi became a full on hard on. He let out a sharp groan. He decided to spoil himself, pulling his hand away and pulling down his boxers. Letting a small clothing collection build at his feet, and then pulling off his shirt. This is one of those things in life that you do completely naked.

When he was done stripping, he decided he didn’t need a condom. He needed the full experience of you, and no protection involved, because getting you pregnant was just a plus to him. He got closer to the bed before just climbing on top of it, mumbling something about Johnny waiting his turn as Chris got onto his knees. Sinking them into the bed as he watched you hard. You didn’t move, but he watched your chest rise and fall. Your clothed chest. You were wearing such a pretty dress. He’d try his best to not ruin it too much, but Chris could make no promises.

Chris had already gone far enough, and why waste an opportunity like this with a condom? This could be his only time and it would definitely just get in the way, so he didn’t bother. Of course he didn’t bother, even if he had a condom in the pockets of his shorts. Screw protection. He wanted to share liquids with you.

He could gawk at you forever, but time was limited. This wasn’t his place, and he didn’t know when his potion of “love juice” would wear off. Plus, he wanted to enjoy you as long as he could. And he feels like he would just explode if he didn’t get to touch you, so he did.

Pressing both of his hands against your thighs. Running them up and down your smoothed legs, going as far as to your skirt, and then back down again. His heart jumped every time he neared the hem of it, it was a very short skirt anyways. He wondered if you did that on purpose, so all the guys would stare at you. That thought made him jealous. It really bothered him.

And then he stopped abruptly. Johnny had stepped closer from where he was in the corner of the room. He had his hand pressed against his clothed dick in his dickies. Rubbing himself as he watched you and Chris through his dark shades, like the pervert he is.

Chris couldn’t contain himself any longer, the longer he postponed this the less time he would have with your luscious body- and he wanted to enjoy it thoroughly. And he would.

His dick was pressed into the sheets, his tip an agitated almost purplish color as he ruined the sheets with his precum. Leaving a wet stain on the almost pristine bed set. He was antsy, and eager. A dog losing its patience when waiting for a treat, he’d take his treat now thank you very much.

Finally taking his hands off your legs he had been caressing ever so sweetly, his hands ghosted the edge of your skirt. Stopping for just a moment, before he resumed and grabbed onto the small piece of fabric, flipping your skirt up. He wouldn’t take it off; at least not yet.

His breathing hitched for a moment as he gazed at your lacy underwear, the colors complimented your skin perfectly. He wondered if you wore them for him, and the idea that you might’ve made his heart flutter, he couldn’t take them off either. Not something so pretty. He could work around them too, probably.

Chris couldn’t wait much longer, well, he wasn’t gonna wait any longer. The clock was ticking. Johnny was getting rather fidgety back there, and well, he couldn’t have tonight gone wrong. He’s already waited a lifetime, how much more should he have to go through to have you? He deserved this. He deserved you, all of you. And you were gonna know that by the time he was done with you.

Inching himself closer to your smaller frame, he was between your legs and was probably barely an inch away from your groin. His right hand was pressed into your inner thigh, sliding upwards until his fingers could drag against the borders of your precious lingerie. Which definitely wasn’t what it was.

Grabbing onto your underwear, he pulled it to the side so he could reveal your pussy to himself. And for that moment he held his breath. His head hung low, and the anticipation was killing him. It felt like a dream, but it wasn’t. He knew it wasn’t. It was a dream come true. This was officially the best day of his life. He boasted to himself mentally. He wondered if Knoxville would think he was crazy if he said that out loud? Deciding he didn’t care. It didn’t matter. Knoxville should be happy that he’s allowed to even watch,, maybe even touch you if he’s good. But maybe not.. Why should Johnny be allowed to touch you when he’s barely gotten to touch you himself?

Chris knocked the thoughts of Knoxville out of his head, he wasn’t fucking Johnny. He was fucking you. The once in a lifetime opportunity that he was wasting to instead think. Yeah, he’d pass on that

His left hand wrapped firmly around his rock solid cock, as he pressed his tip against your entrance. As if your body knew, you were already wet for him. He could feel it. It sent chills down him as he wished he could bask in it longer, but he couldn’t. His manhood couldn’t take it.

Rubbing his tip up and down your folds, just testing the water works. It felt heavenly, he let out a groan and he shut his eyes. Embracing the feeling just for a moment. That is all he needed and then he was ready to go at it.

Sliding his dick down until he was pressed against your opening, he slowly pushed himself in. Using his hand as guidance since your unconscious body couldn’t.

It wasn’t easy, no, not one bit. Your body was rejecting him, and that beyond thrilled him. Feeling the tightness of your cunt only fueled him more. Getting antsy, and lacking any sort of humanity, he thrusted forward. Even though he was probably less than a quarter way in. He let go of his dick, and your underwear. Putting his hands somewhere else instead.

He reached them forward, his dick still inside of you as he instead grabbed onto your boobs. Your clothed boobs, still wearing that dress. And as he did so he pushed himself (almost) all the way inside of you. His body was all tense when he did.

“…Jeezus baby..”

He breathed out, as if you could hear him. It fell onto deaf ears as he waited a second, just staring down at you. You almost looked peaceful, except the crinkle in your brow. But peaceful to him. And he was gonna wreck it, claim your humanity, and mark you as his.

Chris slid back out almost all of the way before sliding back in rather roughly, his breathing hitching as his grip on your chest tightened.

“Fuck, you’re so tight.. so tight for me.”

His voice was husky, deep. And even Knoxville was on his heels listening. He was pretty sure by now Knoxville was so close that his knees were touching the back of the bed. He wasn’t checking, his eyes were all on you.

Slowly starting to rock himself back and forth until he got some sort of pace, and he did. Biting down on his bottom lip. His whole body was clammy. And by now he was more so gripping onto the top of your dress than he was your breasts. Just because it was easier to grab.

Pontius could only be satisfied with a slow pace for so long, and the fact he didn’t have anyone complaining to him about speed.. or his fucking gigantic dick was nice. And for once he preferred the quiet. But he’d be lying if he didn’t say that he wanted to hear your moans. He did. Maybe next time he could.

He had to work with what he got, and his time was draining quickly. So, he picked up the pace for the sake of him and his painful boner. His thrusts started to quicken into targeted thrusts. Slamming into your cervix every time. His breathing starting to get heavy with every thrust, he was like some horn dog desperate for its next climax. And he was. The excitement of being inside of you was unreal. All of his dreams were coming to fruition.

The longer strands of his short hair falling forward and into his face, but that didn’t seem to bother him. Or slow him down. He didn’t need to see to get the job down; and it didn’t dull the experience either. This has already been memorable and he wasn’t even done yet.

Grabbing fist fulls of the top of your dress, pulling you up slightly as his grip had tightened. Thrusting forward like his life depended on it, his hips staggered as he let out a groan, cumming inside of you,

“..Take it all baby.. shiiit.. take it all.”

He breathed out as he thrusted forward one final time, deep inside of you as he emptied himself completely. Painting your insides with white.

Chris squeezed his eyes shut as he stayed still. He wanted nothing more than for this to be an everyday thing. To be with you until the end of time,, and so he was a little careless. Of course he was. And the worst thing he could do right now was cum inside of you. But he never said he was smart, and he never said that this wasn’t his plan all along. He in fact wanted nothing more than to come inside of you. To make you his, to have a child with you. Even if he had to do this again, make history repeat itself. He’d do whatever he had to do.

Pontius didn’t wanna move but he knew he had to. What made that certain is he thought he felt you move. And that spooked him, as he opened his eyes he heard Johnny speak,

“Hey, party boy. Think she’s waking up, let’s go.”

And then he felt a hand on his shoulder, it was cold. It was Johnny, and he was right. Even if he didn’t want him to be. Chris slowly pulled out, with more careful consideration than he had earlier. Wiping his dick off on your dress. Before he got off the bed and turned to face Knoxville.

Johnny was completely clothed, and he had Chris’s clothes in his hands now. He couldn’t tell what Johnny was thinking either, the glasses covered his eyes. Bastard had a weird habit of wearing sunglasses inside, and his facial expression was unreadable otherwise. Johnny handed his clothes back over to Chris.

“I’m heading out, I’ll see you later Pontius.”

Johnny stated, a slight smirk noticeable on his face before he turned away from him and headed to the door they came in from initially. He had some sort of small camera in his hands that he tried his best to hide. But Chris didn’t say anything, favoring it to be nothing instead. Knoxville opened the door and headed downstairs lord knows where.

Chris nodded his head, frowning slightly as he got dressed. His eyebrows furrowed as he took one glance back at your stirring form, before he turned away and left the bedroom as well. Disappearing down stairs into the party. Becoming one with the other forms downstairs. Leaving you to your own demise. After all, it was the least he could do.

It had been terrible, truly. Your night has been terrible. You woke up with a foggy head not really remembering the night that had happened, and it took you a long moment to come to reality. Your body was sore, unbelievably sore. And your crotch had hurt even more. It was like an excruciating pain. And when you really looked around the room you realized you didn’t know where you were, but you were alone. And that you have been violated. You felt liquid inside of you, jizz dripping down your leg and you cringed. But you had to get up and get out of here, so you did.

Somehow managing to try and fix yourself and get downstairs. Most of the party was gone, still you avoided everyone you saw because you looked absolutely terrible and the last thing you needed was someone seeing this. Seeing you like this.

You exited the “party” going straight to your car and entering it. Sitting in the driver's seat. You leaned back, mumbling a bunch of profanity. This couldn’t be happening to you, could it? Trying to clear your head enough to think of what to do now. And once you had a solid plan you drove off. Driving home because thankfully you had everything you needed there. Well, not everything. But being at home now would really make you feel a whole lot better.

When you got home you went straight to the bathroom, digging around in all the cabinets until you found what you were looking for. By now you were barefoot, ditching your heels as you had walked to the bathroom. You pulled a pregnancy test out of one of the cabinets. Standing in front of the toilet as you managed to pee on the test, even though it hurt. And for the moment this was about the only thing you thought about. The only thing right now you could do. Bringing the test with you as you waited for the results, praying to god for a negative as you exited the bathroom and went to the living room.

Setting down the test on the coffee table because you couldn’t care less about the sanitation, you punched in the numbers to the only person you thought you could call, picking up the phone as it rang. Hoping to god your publicist would answer. And they did. Thank fucking god.

“Y/N?”

He said, his voice sounded funny but you chalked it up to it being early. It was the early hours of the morning.

“Hey.. I have a problem.”

You said, your voice quieter than intended. Taking a nervous glance at the test. Your eyes widening when you seen two lines on it,

“Shit… fuck! It's positive.”

“What’s a positive??? You’re pregnant, aren’t you.”

“Yeah.. fuck. Shit.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry. It’s fine.. who were you with?”

“I.. Chris..? Last night,, but..”

You froze. As all the pieces started to click in place, shit. He really did this to you? Your best friend? Of course. This couldn’t be happening to you. You hung up on him rather quickly. Sitting down on the couch, absolutely devastated. You were fucked, this was career suicide. And you didn’t even want this to happen, you didn’t even know.

You didn’t know how long it had been when your phone went off, you spent the past probably about an hour on the couch nervous brainstorming all the possibilities, and then probably another thirty pacing back and forth. And then you were on the couch again when your landline went off. You stopped what you were “doing” and you picked up the phone instantly on the second ring, and it was some person who worked at TMZ asking about your pregnancy?? And talking about details no one knew. You freaked, not even getting any words out before you hung up and called back up your publicist,

“The tabloids are already on it?? What the hell do I do???”

“Don’t even worry about it, no publicity is bad publicity, Y/N. This will be good for your career, after all the fans have been hinting at you and Chris for months. It's about time you made it official to the world.”

Your face fell as you heard a knock on your door, and a very familiar chipper voice boasting about some news article of you and him, and rambling about the fact that they were calling you a slut, and he thought otherwise. And that he couldn’t wait to be a dad, and that you would come around. Whoever said Jackass was a good idea should kill themself.

It wouldn’t be long until the footage was released, Knoxville was an excellent camera man.

[crehador]

brother crab's winter 2024 parting thoughts: high card s2

WHAT THE HELL

HIGH CARD IS GOOD?!

tl;dr very flashy and aesthetic, consistently good in that regard, but the story was not always gripping to me. however, with the ultimate payoff in the last three eps, totally worth it imo

full review:

wow wow wow i'm kind of glad i fell way behind on anime and had the last three eps of s2 to binge all at once because hoooly shit i enjoyed that immensely

at no point did i think high card was bad, but it definitely had moments where it didn't fully grab me. there were times when it felt like all flash, no substance

and it's definitely not perfect, i have some serious and fairly significant gripes with it. mainly i'm really bummed that leo, wendy, and vijay never really got fully fleshed out. i mean i get it, finn's the main character and chris is the thinly veiled love interest also important so obviously they're going to take up most of the time, but i really feel like the other members of the crew had so much unexplored potential (especially wendy and vijay, because leo did sort of get his moment as a factor in the old man yaoi situation)

speaking of which THE OLD MAN YAOI!! man there were a lot of moving pieces in this show, and sometimes they came together in messy ways (or didn't really come together at all... some bits do still feel pretty disjointed and jumpy to me, tbh)

but overall the payoff of the s2 finale was absolutely worth it to me, particularly since it dealt with my favorites of those moving pieces: the old man yaoi and the sudden YANDERE ONIISAN ARC

i find myself really wishing the show had gone harder on both of those threads sooner, but like... honestly i'm not disappointed with how they played out. the whole theodore and ban thing could not have been more tropey (YEARS of loathing only for a "the one i wanted to protect all along was... you" and then dying for each other like HELLO yes an absolute tropefest BUT TROPES THAT I LOVE. GOOD FOR THOSE TOXIC DOOMED YAOI MFERS)

tilt has always been fascinating to me right from the character design and i am more or less satisfied with how things played out for him too, though i kind of wish we'd had more of this development spread throughout the series. i guess it was there, but... i dunno. in some ways feels like there could have been More (but i may be biased)

like you gotta feel bad for him, it's a sad story, but also that extreeemely creepy unhinged yandere oniisan "i have been stalking you i literally have a wall with giant blown up photos of you i hate the other guy who is calling himself your brother" sequence was SO FUCKING DELICIOUS LIKE WTF??? stunned and absolutely blown away by how hard they went on that, what a delight

(ironically it makes me think about how unhinged matakara in bucchigiri?! just doesn't work while unhinged tilt in high card works super well, but this is not about bucchigiri?! so i won't get too into that)

i am still admittedly just. kind of like. idk. i go back and forth on finn and chris, as characters and as partners. i don't dislike them but they aren't always all that compelling to me. sometimes they definitely are, but sometimes they just fall a bit flat to me. this probably isn't an issue with them as characters, though, just a matter of taste. i occasionally found the chemistry between them lacking as well, but sometimes it was really on point

same feeling about the crew dynamics in general. i looove a good like heist crew or spy agency crew, whatever it is, when the dynamics just click. and sometimes they didn't, here. i am too sleepy to articulate it properly right now but it just felt like there was something missing, some pieces not really fitting together. i didn't dislike any of the characters, but just... i guess wanted more team shenanigans? maybe there was no time for that but it would have been nice (like this is one show that could have done with a few filler and/or fluff episodes, imo!)

anyway. christ. my eye emoji-ing at tilt based solely on his character design finally paid off after two gay ass seasons lmao. good night

[jacevelaryonswife]

— FRIDAY NIGHT

pairing: peacemaker x fem!reader

summary: It's Friday night and you thought getting out of the rut would be nice.

a/n: Hey guys, since I saw Peacemaker I've been completely obsessed with everything about the show and especially Chris. This is my first work published here and in English, so I apologize in advance if anything sounds strange. This work has two parts

Part one

Everything was bad. Your mood, your appearance, your night and especially the guy in front of you who couldn't stop talking about how hard it is to find a cool girl like you — oh sure. With “cool girl” he refers to a submissive bitch who spends most of her time listening to him talk about shit and doesn't complain about not being able to come. This is not you. However, your dubious performance throughout the night asserts the opposite.

Maybe he wasn't a complete idiot, maybe his lack of interest made him seek out subjects where he feels comfortable navigating: himself. Maybe it was your fault too, however, the little effort he's shown to extract anything more from you all night has pointed otherwise. Okay, the moment you decided to go to a bar near work on a friday night may have been decisive for your misery, but what does it cost to get out of the routine?

No, it's not about routine. This is about you.

You don't like to go out alone, especially at night, usually preferring the company of your friends on any occasion. Add that to the particularity of not having sex with strangers and have the perfect recipe for failure.

"So, you wanna come home with me?" Finally. You celebrated internally, preparing to dispense with it.

"Hum, no" You answered sympathetically.

"Oh… Why?"

"I don't sleep with strangers."

"But we don't have to do that..." He said, flashing a smile.

“And what would we do in your house?” you asked, taking a sip of the non-alcoholic drink.

"You can meet her."

“Meet your home? Why?" 

"..." He tried.

"Look, you’re a cool guy." Not much. "But I'm not interested." Please understand, please understand.

"...Ok, have a good night." He relented, lowering his gaze and turning his back on you.

Peace. You relaxed on the stool while finishing the citrus drink, it was a surprise actually, (you expected more insistence on his part) but the current attitude indicated that your prejudgment could be wrong. Maybe he wasn't that bad after all. Either way, the relief that flooded you didn't last long when a hand found your shoulder. It was big, warm, and it forced you to turn to whoever it was. You wouldn't say much, just confess that you were leaving and go back to the comfort of your apartment (where you shouldn't have come out), but apparently tonight he had other plans for you.

“For a moment I thought you were going with that guy.”

Oh.

Smith. Christopher Smith. Peacemaker. Chris. The fucking peacemaker was behind you (on your side now), leaning against the counter. You both work on the same team, and since the end of the butterfly project the relationships between the team members seemed more established, although there were occasional arguments (mostly involving vigilante and Harcourt). However, Chris seemed more willing to cooperate and trust, apart from personal evolution in his conversations with Adebayo and you. Living with the group seemed to get better every day. Living with you too, it was easy to like him when he was just Chris Smith.

"Hey, I didn't know you were here." You said. "And he's not my type."

“I arrived a short time ago, I was watching you guys from there.” He pointed to the stool at the far end of the counter.

"Did you?"

"Yeah, and he’s such a jerk."

"He wasn't that bad, I think I was making it difficult."

"Good thing, he probably fucks badly and wouldn't make you come."

There it’s. If there's one thing you admire and at the same time mortify you (depending on the situation) it's Chris' boldness. He speaks his mind, even though it's the dumbest and most uncomfortable thing possible in any situation. It's inconvenient, but brave, and without softening filters for every subject like you have. Not that you're introspective, but you certainly had more tact than Chris in any dialogue.

“That I can’t longer say.” You said, getting a pair of narrow, confused blue eyes in your direction. "Not that I slept with him, but precisely because I didn't, I can't say he fuck badly." justified.

“Puff, he visibly fucks badly.”

"In any case, I'm glad he left." You put the glass on the counter, looking at the waiter. "I guess it's my turn now."

"What? No! It’s still early and it’s Friday!” Chris said, placing the bottle of beer he was drinking on the counter.

"I don't like going out alone, especially at night."

“You’re not alone, and why did you come?”

“I wanted to get out of the routine, but that's not my thing. Adebayo and Harcourt were unavailable so I thought why not?”!You said, leaning sideways on the counter.

"Why didn’t you fuckin’ call me?" he asked, a little offended.

"It's Friday night, I thought you had an appointment." Fuck anyone who's available. “I thought about calling Adrian for a moment, but then came back to reality.” You argued.

“If you had called me you would have if I was busy or not.” He accused, tone slightly irritated.

You weren't as close to Chris as Adebayo, both of you always whispering in the corners about something you didn't know. Economos tried to intrude at times, but constantly got a backlash from both Ads and Christopher. Still, you had a good relationship with him (Chris), advising him when pertinent about any situation (from the most absurd like preventing him and Adrian from training with short range grenades to the more personal, like his father, his mind and your life). He was funny and nice (considerably) to be around. In fact, he was mostly nice to you, even in his Peacemaker persona (except when he talked about the girls he fucked).

"Okay, next time I'll call you too." You smiled slightly. "How are you?"

“Fine... fine, I'm fine.” He said, sipping his beer. “I'm... looking for a therapist like you and Adebayo suggested.”

"That’s great!"

You didn't expect him to accept the suggestion, even though he urgently needed to. Chris was the classic type who exuded fragile masculinity behind a big, thick shell, but discovering he was utterly fragile touched something in you. A shitty childhood with a lack of parental love and a violent environment made him that way, full of failures and trauma that accompany him in his sleep. He had a big heart, he wanted to be accepted, loved, but he didn't know how. It was easy for you, though, to be nice and fun and kind. He was trying, in a twisted and a little outdated way, he wasn't you. You were lucky for that, but he wasn't.

"You need after everything that's happened, and I'm here to talk if you want, even though I'm not an expert on the subject."

He smiled as he lowered his gaze, looking back at you then, “I know, thanks.”

"You're welcome." You smiled back, touching his hand.

He deserved a second chance, happiness... Peace, just like anyone else. It was sadly ironic how fucked up Peacemaker was.

"So was that guy leaving or did you dump him?" He changed the subject, getting as comfortable on the bench as possible (look at his size).

"Both." You replied, withdrawing your hand.

“Did he try to sleep with you?”

"That's inconvenient, but yes."

“Okay, I know you have eyes and a good sense to know he fucks badly, but other than that, why didn't you want to? Why do people in this business never fuck?” The last question seemed to ask himself.

"Because one, I don't fuck strangers, two, people in this business do, but they're not as explicit as you.”

“I’m not explicit!” He contradicted.

"Oh no, and I'm a nun."

“I guess you’re, what kind of person doesn’t have sex with strangers?” He played.

"Me."

"Why? It’s so easy."

"I've never been able to relate to people I don't have a connection with, I've always been like that, apart from that it's safer to sleep with people I know." You argued.

“In what sense?”

“Everyone, what if the person in question is a psychopath and is luring you somewhere else to kill you? Have you seen my size, do you think I would know how to get out of this situation? Maybe I could. Two, what if the person has an STD and doesn't tell? I protect myself enough for that.”

"That's fucking paranoid."

"Maybe for you it’s, but it's necessary to a certain extent for me."

“Ok, nun.” He made fun.

“Fuck off Shitmaker.”

"And I think you'd kick anyone's ass who tried to fuck you, not sexually speaking."

You laughed: “It's good to hear of your confidence in my abilities.”

“You’re a smart girl, you would know to recognize second intentions.” He suggested, ordering another drink from the waiter. “So, are you going home yet or are you staying?”

"I don’t know yet..."

“We can have fun together.” He suggested.

You cocked your head to the side, analyzing him: “How?”

It wasn't weird Chris to flirt with you, he did at times when you two were alone, but never to this point (if that's what it looked like). It was a lie to say you never thought have sex with him, Chris’s attractive, big, strong and with a beautiful pair of dark blue eyes, but it was definitely weird. The strangeness did not come from the persona, but from the condition. First, you worked together, second, he fucked any who can think and and consents, which totally ruled him out of second thought.

But the main point: he was romantically unavailable.

Sex for you was more than bodies colliding violently, it was connection, dialogue, feelings. You never got to fuck anyone you met in a bar, no matter how normal it was for other people, you weren't like that. But Chris. Christopher Smith. You knew him, you like him (most of the time), he's already opened up to you and he's hot as hell tonight. Fuck. 

He approached you, hand on the side of your face as he said, “I have some ideas.”

“Is this the moment I realize second intesions?”

"Maybe."

Fireworks erupted in your body, you enjoyed the sensation as much as it terrified you. Your heart was almost jumping out of your chest. Fuck, Chris wanted you. Wanted to have sex with you. All thoughts of it made you warm, like his big hand was on your cheek. You tried to speak, but you didn't know what to say.

You wanted?

Yes. Not. Yes. Yes.

He worked with you, he fucked anyone. He was hot and cool and comfortable. You wanted him too, but you were afraid.

"If you don’t want-"

"I want." You cut him. "I'm just nervous."

"Why?"

“We work together, it can get weird. And... I don't usually do that.”

"Do what?"

“One night stands.”

Perhaps you were afraid of it. To feel something for him and be one-sided. You didn't want this.

He shifted his stance, looking away quickly before forwarding a look at you never given by him before.

"What if it's not limited to one night?"

“...Don't create expectations you can't handle it.”

“What if I do?”

Your heart was pounding harder every second, not knowing where he wanted to go. “And… If it's bad?”

“I doubt, but if it’s, I don't see a problem with improving.” He held your hand this time. "Together."

"Chris." you whispered. "Don’t do this. Don’t play with me."

"I'm not playing with you. I like you." He confessed.

You were out of breath. Your stomach turned cold and her heart was pounding out of her chest. “In what way?”

"All. There's nothing about you that I dislike, and I'm not just saying that because I want to fuck you. I like everything about you...maybe your toc with alignment annoys me, but other than that, you're easy to like, in every way.”

"Every way?" 

“Every way."

You breathed. “...Romantically too?”

He stopped, looking nervously at you, chest heavy just like yours. “Y-yes. Fuck, I've never done this before. But I, I-I, I like you. I like you."

"Do you like me?" 

“Yeah.”

“Really like? Or just like?”

“I really like you.”

Oh. Chris likes you. Chris Smith likes you. He likes you.

Although you were open about many things in your life, talking about your feelings was still conflicting. You didn't like rejection, who does anyway? Many times you have kept your feelings to yourself, although age has made you more emotionally mature and has cracked part of that barrier. Still, you couldn't help but feel nervous. He liked you, he said, he said.

"I'm getting nervous, this sucks." 

"Me too."

"Y-if you don't like me-"

"I like. I like, I like you a lot.” You said. "I like you Chris."

He looked at you hopefully, hands gripping yours, wrapping them around. "So-" 

"Let's go home."

[generaltrashshecox]

Anthony’s been talking to a guy on a gay/lgbt dating app for a while, sending pictures and dirty messages. The two of them finally decide to meet up (for a date or for a hookup) and it ends up being Damien. Wether they decide to forget it ever happened or decided to try something is up to you.

Smut warning! This is a work of fiction I don't condone anything yadda yadda 4.7k words. P0rn with feelings, self-esteem issues, first times so nervous boys being awkward but still filthy, and top!Anthony. Hope you enjoy!

Anthony was new to this. This being meeting someone off a dating app. He took a deep breath taking a sip of his coffee. Not only that it was also his first time with a guy... And it wasn't something as innocent as just a date.

Now they were going to hang out for a moment and talk about their days and actually get a feel for each other but this was definitely more of a hookup than anything. He'd barely found out he was bi in his last relationship and when they amicably went their separate ways he felt it was finally his chance. That's why he was on the app in the first place. He was looking for something safe and anonymous being a personality online he could never be too careful especially since he got his company back. They hadn't even publicly announced their breakup but he was pent up so he made an account. No real names no faces just a short description. Sweet and simple. His read like this:

tonynotthetiger: Tony, 35, into music, video editing, and a few videos games.

He had a few pictures of his hands in his profile since a lot of people seemed to like them but his tattoos were photoshopped just a bit differently to keep people from clocking that it was him. Thankfully it was just his tattoo artists style...

He'd talked to a few people he matched with even meeting a couple but nothing really seemed to *click*. He was really about to give up when he messaged him.

I like your hands. I think I'd like them as a necklace ;)

He was a bit taken aback by his forwardness and so he checked his profile.

justahugenerd: Chris 32 cat dad and just a nerd about many things. Also very much neurospicy so please bare with me

Well at least he was honest... He looked at his profile seeing very few pictures but most of them were of what he guessed was him in thigh highs with little bows and garters legs spread prettily in some kind of black skirt or dress. He definitely liked that it wasn't much but it made his heart beat just a bit faster so he replied.

Well that was kinda of forward but I like it

Really 😳 I honestly didn't think it would work 😅 but heyyy

Anthony couldn't help but chuckle. He seemed cute already.

Well it worked on me so heyyy

And it just went from there. They talked about other things of course they actually had a lot in common and he just enjoyed talking to him on hard days. He would try and help best he could, telling him about his own day or what his cats had gotten up to. It easily put a smile on his face. The pictures he sent also helped though. Soft body he wanted to grab milky white thighs... Dripping cock as he fucked himself on a dildo or stretched around a plug... Which led him to where he was today. They'd been talking for weeks before finally gaining the confidence to actually meet in person. "Chris" especially because he said his confidence wasn't the best and he was afraid he'd run away screaming even though he'd seen (most of) his naked body. Anthony reassured him he'd never wanted anything more. Finally they chose to meet up at a small cafe that wasn't far from either of their places apparently. "Chris" said he'd be wearing a Zelda shirt and Anthony said he'd be in a ripped sweatshirt.

Now he was nearly shaking with anticipation. Or maybe it was the coffee he'd already had to pass the time as he worked on his second cup. Yeah that was definitely it. He took another drink when suddenly a familiar face popped into view. Oh god no, he thought, dipping his head trying not to be seen. He'd know the bright purple hair anywhere and he felt like he wanted to die. He didn't want Damien to be here when he met his hook-up but then the man scanned the cafe before spotting him. He smiled walking closer before recognition finally hit. His face flushed and eyes widened before a hand slapped over his mouth and Anthony registered what he was wearing... A Zelda shirt.

No oh god no that can't- and then it all clicked into place. 32 cat dad nerd neurospicy... Damien Christian Haas... Who else could it have been? His mouth went dry as Damien just stared. They seemed frozen in time before a waiter had to ask Damien to move out of the walkway and he moved closer to the table. Anthony sighed breaking out of the stupor first.

"Come sit. We're gonna have to talk about it eventually," he said finally. Damien fidgeted before sitting in the seat in front of him. He couldn't look up couldn't look him in the eyes. His mind was racing because he couldn't believe his boss had seen him naked vulnerable... And still wanted to meet. "So... Chris huh?" he asked first. Damien scoffed.

"They said to use a alias so I used my middle name, Tony," he emphasized in the name Anthony used. It really was him and he put his face in his hands. Once his eyes closed though his brain ran wild showing for a split second what Damien would look like in the place of the man he fantasized about. He shook his head looking at him.

"I also thought you were ace?" he asked questioning. He didn't want to pry but he was curious.

"Aceflux... I lean demi but I have times when I feel allo like I did when we started talking but honestly... I liked you. Like you? This is so confusing," he said putting his face in his hands as he flushed even more. "That's why I came here today."

"I'm sorry I liked or rather like you too but I don't know..." he trailed off. Would it truly be wrong? They were employee and employer but barely... They were really just adults doing their own thing. Damien put his hands on the table trying to breathe and Anthony placed a hand on top of one. He looked at him questioningly. "How about this... We'll go through this date and we'll decide after if we wanna pursue after all or just let it go okay?" he said gently and Damien hesitated but he turned his hand to squeeze Anthony's. He couldn't help but like Tony so he felt he might as well give Anthony a chance.

"Sounds like a plan," he said with a soft smile and Anthony's heart rate quickened.

"So how are your girls?" he asked with a smile and Damien lit up. He was a usual cat person always ready and willing to talk about his cats.

"They're doing great! They've been spoiled butts recently but it's just how it is especially with fall and me going out and doing spooky things that I love!" he started rambling excitedly and Anthony listened a smile on his face. "I'm sorry," he said sheepishly after his rant. "How have you been lately? Exciting I bet but how have you balanced everything really?"

"It's been tough a little bit but having weekends off helps a whole fucking lot," he said grin on his face. "I have so many things from Smosh to my own company but it's also thrilling because I get to do these things. I get to have fun with my friends and I get to interview people who don't usually get a chance ya know? It's pretty great even though I'm exhausted at times. It's all worth it ya know..." he trailed off as Damien was looking at him intently with a smile nodding along. He cleared his throat. "So you wanna order?" It was a date after all.

"Ooh yeah of course!" Damien said grabbing the menu and looking over it's contents. It was a small cafe so it was mostly cold cut sandwiches and pastries so it was slim for choice. The waiter came by once more taking Anthony's empty coffee cup and taking their orders. Anthony got a salad and water to offset all the caffeine he ingested while Damien got a simple ham and cheese sandwich. Once the waiter left they fell back into easy conversation laughing and joking. It was so easy being around each other for some reason like they knew each other which they did but it felt... Different. Once their food came though they fell quieter talking small talk new things to watch and the like. They knew once they were done they would have make a decision which neither really wanted to know the answer to. They ate slowly still chatting and laughing a little. Anthony liked hearing his, it bordered on goofy at times and it made him laugh easily. Soon enough though their food was finished and the tension felt thick in the air between them.

"So what's the verdict?" Anthony asked keeping his tone light and joking. Damien sighed.

"Fuck," he said softly before giggling. "Fuck I like you this is so..." he buried his face in his hands once more. "We wouldn't be risking anything right?"

"I don't think so. We're not a normal company and we're close enough in age to know what we're doing," he said. He reached across the table and took his hand again. "And to know what we want." Damien nodded.

"So... Mine or yours?" he asked flush on his cheeks once more. Anthony bit his tongue to keep from groaning heat already coursing through his body at the simple question.

"Mine if you don't mind. I feel like it'd be the safer option more secluded. I also don't think it would be weird for people to see you enter my home instead of vice versa," he said calculated. He nodded again. He'd thought about this a lot apparently. Anthony stood holding his hand out. "Well... Shall we then?" he asked with a smirk and Damien blushed before taking his hand as he helped him stand. They walked to the parking lot and Anthony walked to his car Damien following. "Did you drive or-"

"Uber," he said a little sheepishly. Anthony nodded unlocking the car. They got in and made their way to Anthony's, car ride a little quiet due to the tension of what was going to happen. He turned on the radio and thankfully they had similar taste in music as they both sang along to rock and elder emo bs. Soon enough they made it to Anthony's house. He got out first coming around to the passengers side where Damien was getting out looking around before grabbing him by the waist much to his surprise pressing him against the car. He was just a bit impatient being so pent up. He leaned in before stopping.

"Is this alright?" he asked lightly voice thick with want. Damien swallowed flushing deeper. This was all new but he nodded breaths coming a little more shallow. Anthony captured his lips gently tasting a salty sweetness there. He held back a groan as he pushed him more against the car making him squeak as he pressed flush, enjoying his warmth against him. Damien didn't move away instead, melting into the kiss as Anthony was a damn good kisser making him feel dizzy already. They stood there for a moment before Damien put his hands on his chest gently pushing him away and he felt like he'd done something wrong. He looked at him worried.

"I uh... Think we should save this for inside," he said a little breathless. Oh right they were still in Anthony's driveway. He took his hand which made him blush at the small gesture and led him to the door unlocking it quickly fumbling just a bit. They closed the door behind them and he resisted the urge to press him against another surface and instead led him to the couch. They sat a bit awkwardly knowing what was to come. Anthony put a hand on his cheek and he couldn't help but lean into it gently closing his eyes. As he did his eyes grazed over his features and damn was he pretty. Pink pouty lips contrasting his five o'clock shadow as well as the flush that spread across his cheeks. He opened his eyes and Anthony was taken aback by how breathtaking they were and the emotion swirling in them. Nervousness in them made him realize how long he'd been staring smiling sheepishly as if he'd been caught. Adoration was also there along with something darker as his pupils dilated. Ah... He swallowed.

"You're so pretty," he said simply and the flush seemed to grow darker. Damien's eyes widened just a bit at the compliment.

"T-thank you. You're uh... Really handsome," he whispered almost under his breath. "Are you going to kiss me yet?" Anthony nodded. He'd been so caught up in staring he'd nearly forgotten but he leaned in again and this time Damien met him. His lips were soft and the kiss was gentle and sweet. His other hand went to his waist pulling him closer deepening the kiss running his tongue over his bottom lip. Damien hesitated for a moment before opening his mouth slightly and his tongue prodded in gently. He whimpered a soft quiet sound but it was music to Anthony's ears. He pulled him ever closer as he swirled his tongue around his. Damien's hands rested on his shoulders gently one moving back fingers finding purchase in the hair at the base of his neck as he kissed back. They pulled away finally for a moment panting a bit looking at each other. Pupils blown lips wet and slightly swollen Damien was a sight to behold and Anthony kissed him harshly making him yelp slightly before kissing back with similar ferocity. Both hands rested on Damien's waist moving back one snaking up his shirt splaying against his back as the other went down to feel up his ass. He jumped a bit pulling away.

"Sorry was that too fast?" Damien shook his head panting.

"No no sorry I'm just- this is all new to me. I mean I've experimented and you've seen the uh," he cleared his throat, "pictures I sent you but I never-" he hesitated. Wait... What? He looked at him curiously.

"Wait Damien I'm not gonna be your first am I?" he asked seriously. Damien chewed on his lip looking down.

"Would it be so bad if you were?" he asked genuinely. Anthony froze mind racing. He gripped him tighter making him look at him.

"Maybe not... But I have to say I'm new to this too," he said looking at him intently. Damien's mouth dropped open before he closed it again.

"I guess we can learn together," he said softly before kissing him. I guess so, Anthony thought before pressing into the kiss once more. The hand still splayed on his back pulled him closer nearly into his lap. His other hand hooked onto his knee pulling so he was actually in his lap and Damien made a surprised noise before pulling away. "Are you sure this is okay?" he asked nervously. Was this okay? He looked pretty as a picture in his lap all flushed red shirt askew from where his hand was. But he looked down at him with worry and a little fear. Oh right... Body dysmorphia was a bitch.

"More than okay, really," he said leaning up to kiss him once more. His hand went up his thigh gripping the supple flesh there before moving back to his ass groping as he whimpered into his mouth. He was so pliant and warm under his hands he couldn't get enough already half hard in his jeans as he pressed him closer grinding their crotches together. They moaned Damien pulling away.

"Fuck-" he said before grinding down feeling Anthony's hardness against his. Fuck- holy fuck he was turned on and by him? He almost couldn't believe it and wouldn't have if he didn't see the hunger in Anthony's eyes. He scooted even closer in his lap grinding his ass against his bulge groaning as he did. "Fuck, Anthony-"

His name fell from Damien's like sin pretty and tempting. He kissed him harshly once more thrusting up against his grind making them both cry out. He gripped him tighter fingers digging into his back and gripped his ass tightly as they moved against each other deliciously. Anthony pulled away kissing down his neck as Damien held him close trying to catch his breath. His brain felt foggy with lust Anthony's lips the only thing anchoring him and he buried his fingers in his hair. He nibbled at the spot behind his ear before pressing more open mouthed kisses down his neck to his collarbone. He sucked gently making Damien moan but made sure not to leave a mark. At least not yet. He pulled away lifting his shirt before stopping and looking at him. Damien gulped but nodded and soon his shirt was pulled over his head and tossed aside. He tried not to feel self conscious as Anthony's eyes raked over his body. Anthony was in awe of all the pallid skin before him. He was gorgeous but he could tell by his body language that he didn't feel like that. He kissed him again gently as he ran his hands all over his body worshipping him with his fingers tips trying to commit every inch of him to memory. Anthony's hands were warm and rough from what he didn't know but they touched him tentatively caringly like he was precious. He pulled away again kissing down his neck holding him close as he did nibbling and sucking as he did.

"You can-" Damien gasped, "you can mark me if you want," he said gently. Anthony didn't need to be told twice as he sucked harsher and bit to make sure it stayed. He pulled away seeing a purple mark already start to form, a stark contrast, before making more down his neck and across his collarbone painting him pretty. He moved down his body to his chest nuzzling there before his hands came up and cupped his pecs massaging and pinching his nipples making him moan. He threw his head back slightly, eyes half lidded as Anthony worked his body. He then turned back and tugged at Anthony's own shirt. "I'm feeling a little underdressed," he said cheekily. Anthony chuckled pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it aside as well.

"Sorry about that," he said smirking but Damien wasn't listening enraptured by his naked torso. The paint strokes on his body were mesmerizing and his fingers traced the lines gently as they swirled and spattered over his pecs and abs. Anthony just watched him as he did light touches sending heat through him as he reached where his pants were. Damien wondered how far they went then flushed remembering the pictures he'd gotten... "Yep they're down there too," Anthony said making Damien jump slightly. Right yeah... He flushed before looking him in the eyes. He opened his mouth to apologize but he stopped him. "Don't worry it was nice. Now come here," he said pulling him down for another kiss. They pressed flush skin to skin and it was nice sharing their warmth and then Anthony thrust up once again. He pulled away needing more. "Bedroom?" Damien nodded and they stood up as he led them to his bedroom.

Once he got there he kissed him pushing him to the edge of the bed before pushing him down with an oomph. Damien stared at him wide eyed for a moment before he hovered above him kissing him once more pressing open mouthed kisses down his body. He reached his pants before looking at him for a response. Damien nodded and Anthony wasted no time as he undid his strange pants pulling them down. They landed where they landed and he was left in his boxer tented and leaking through the fabric. He gripped it running his thumb through the wetness making him keen.

"So wet for me," he couldn't stop himself from saying and Damien whined. So fucking gorgeous, he couldn't help but think. He stroked him a few times before pulling them off as well leaving him bare before him. His cock was red and leaking as it had been in those pictures and videos and his mouth watered a bit. Anthony leaned down and lapped at the tip before wrapping his mouth around the head gently sucking and Damien twitched arching just a bit pressing more into his mouth. He bobbed his head sucking gently as his hand went to cup his balls before moving down his perineum to his puckered entrance. He circled a finger around it prodding and pulling at the edges before pulling away. He pulled off his dick and Damien caught his breath as Anthony coated his fingers in saliva. He pulled them out shiny and wet trailing them down his perineum once more making him shiver. He reached his hole again and pressed in surprised at how easily it slipped in. He looked at Damien questioningly and he flushed covering his face.

"I may have... Prepped myself before I left the house," he said slightly muffled from his hands over his face. Made sense but it made Anthony's dick twitch in his jeans. He pressed the second one in not as easily a little snug but still a bit easier. Damien made a soft pleasured sound as he did eyes closing as he pressed himself onto his fingers. Anthony watched as his fingers disappeared inside him taking them so well into his tight heat. He scissored them stretching him just a bit more before crooking them looking for that spot inside him. Damien was just enjoying it until suddenly a wave of pleasure shot through him making him shake and moan loudly. "Fuck!" he couldn't help but nearly yell as Anthony assaulted that spot over and over with a smile. He could feel himself getting close, familiar coil in his stomach twitching around Anthony's fingers when he stopped. He whimpered, orgasm slipping away as Anthony pulled his fingers out. He clenched around nothing uncomfortably and Anthony couldn't help but chuckle.

"Don't worry you'll be getting something better," he said more confidently than he felt. He walked to his bedside table opening the drawer and pulling out the lube he kept there for "emergencies." He came back palming himself through his pants as Damien stared. He undid his jeans pushing them down along with his boxers, cock springing free as he stepped out of them. He stroked himself and Damien stared before gulping. "Like what you see?"

"Y-yes I just... Fuck I knew you would be big but fuck-" he said chuckling a little nervously. Seeing it in person was definitely different than in a picture. He felt a little intimidated but he tried to relax. He took some deep breaths as he watched Anthony pour some lube on his hand before spreading it all over his cock. He then pressed the extra against his opening and he shivered. He lined up pressing in gently but steadily. The head popped through and he groaned but continued on as Damien gripped the sheets. Anthony was definitely bigger than any of the toys he'd used before but he was determined. Anthony finally bottomed out stopping and groaning breathless at the way he was clenching and fluttering around him. He leaned down pressing a kiss to his lips as a distraction and he wrapped his arms around his neck kissing him like his life depended on it. After a moment Anthony pulled away and gently rocked into him as he got used to him. He moaned as he resisted the urge to slam into his tight heat over and over instead pulling out slightly before gently pressing back in. Damien took deep breaths as he took it now not as unpleasant but not exactly pleasurable. He put a hand on Anthony's shoulder and pulled him down for another kiss enjoying the skinship and his lips against his. Anthony kept his shallow thrusts as he relaxed around him shifting and pressing in a bit harsher making him groan. He pulled away.

"You doing alright?" Anthony asked gently and he nodded. Pleasure was starting to build as he pressed down on his thrusts and Anthony understood. He thrust into him harder and he moaned prettily. He kept that fucking into him steadily loving the pretty sounds that fell from Damien's lips. He looked so beautiful face and chest flushed a splotchy red all over, mouth open, and eyes glossed over when they weren't squeezed shut.

"Anthony please more," he whined and Anthony obliged slamming into him. It felt like it knocked the wind out of him but it felt so good as he filled him full over and over again. He could barely think, mind swimming as he dug his nails into Anthony's back. He didn't mind he actually enjoyed the feeling of his nails in his back hoping the crescent shapes they left would stay. He gripped him harshly as he slammed into him again and again sounds of their bodies filling the room as Damien took it all. Anthony adjusted and pressed his thigh up angling so he could get even deeper and Damien nearly screamed as he did. "Fuck again please," he begged shaking with it. And so he did again and again gripping his thigh till he felt like it would bruise. Damien was no longer there muttering curses and praises in the same breath. He was getting close again, the familiar warmth in his belly building. Anthony could feel it too in the way he pressed against his thrusts and the way his muscle fluttered around him deliciously.

"Fuck you feel so good look so pretty taking my cock so well," he mouth spewed, filthy things filling Damien's ears as he mewled at the dirty praise. It was pushing him closer to the edge and then Anthony wrapped a hand around his cock stroking it before he was cumming with a yell. His thighs threatened to shut but he held them open as he chased his own orgasm groaning at how he clenched around him tightly as his body rode out his. He was so close ramming into him harsher as he groaned. Damien was whimpering in oversensitivity when he got an idea in his flooded brain.

"C'mon please- fill me up I need it," he whimpered nearly crying and Anthony's orgasm hit him like a freight train. Fuck- holy fuck! He couldn't believe how hard he came, vision almost whiting out as he curled nearly into himself as he continued to fuck into him finishing his orgasm before finally stopping nearly collapsing on top of him. They stayed there catching their breath relishing in the afterglow as they came down. Damien kept his arms around Anthony though his nails were no longer digging as he nuzzled into his neck. He smelled of sweat and sex but also something earthy, like home and his heart skipped a beat. Suddenly he felt emotional and he didn't understand why as he pressed into his neck trying to keep the tears at bay. He didn't want to fuck this up as he held him tighter. Anthony felt him press closer and hold him tighter as his breath stuttered. He pulled them both to the side Damien staying at his neck and he ran his fingers through his hair.

"You're okay. You did so well," he said gently and Damien didn't know why it made him feel worse nuzzling further and then Anthony got it. "We'll be okay I promise." And suddenly he pulled away eyes tinged red with unshed tears.

"You promise?" he said looking up at him hopefully. He brought him up for a kiss soft and sweet and gentle. He didn't know if he could promise they'd be okay for sure but he could promise he'd try. But he'd promise for tonight to make him feel safe and secure.

"I promise," he said finally after pulling away. Damien nodded not completely trusting it but cuddled against him exhausted yawning. Anthony held him close pulling the blankets around them before pressing a kiss to his forehead which his preened at before closing his eyes. They'd worry about everything else tomorrow, today would be perfect.

[practically-an-x-man]

more thoughts about Wish:

Chris Pine has the best voice acting in this movie by far. Dude could be a legitimately scary villain if the animation wasn't so goofy

I'm telling you dude, the man is acting his ass off but the script and animation style are just ruining all the emotion he's giving

Alan Tudyk is also putting in the work but the script is not working in his favor

Evan Peters needs more lines. His character is legitimately interesting, a young guy who just gave up his wish and is now weirdly lethargic all the time, but they don't explore it enough

Speaking of the animation, it felt very inconsistent. With the King especially we'd get like... one cool moment (like him stopping the globes during his solo song) but then it's immediately cut by these goofy Nimona-as-Ballister type motions

The facial expressions are generally overblown, past the point of "animation stretching the rules" and into "this just looks goofy"

Like I said before, it feels like a patchwork of a dozen other, better Disney movies. My dad and I were watching this going "Tangled. Brave. Frozen. Peter Pan. Mulan."

The third act is like... Rise of the Guardians meets that one scene in Trolls where they sing True Colors

The music is just inconsistent. I think it mainly comes from the fact that they had a pop singer/songwriter do the music rather than a musical theatre composer, there aren't any consistent themes or leitmotifs and it leaves everything feeling very disjointed.

Some of the songs on their own are decently catchy but they just feel like they're trying way too hard

The dialogue is the same way. It serves a purpose but it doesn't quite feel natural or human. Some characters are worse than others and the VO work plays a role but the script itself is just awkward

I think they've just set up too many characters here. If they took two people out of Asha's friend group it would leave more room to develop the others. As it is, I don't remember their names and I have no idea what they want

Except for Asha since she's the main character and Simon because he's the only one who stands out from the rest (again, really interesting character! drastically underutilized!)

Feels like the talking animals are only a thing because it's a Disney movie. Valentino I understand, animal sidekicks are a classic, but the chickens and squirrels and mice are just too much

As a whole there's just... no substance in it. It feels like they've tried to make The Disney Movie and just started making it without even deciding on the themes or characters' journeys at all

It is a heaping pile of deus ex machinas. Every single problem in this movie is resolved in some cheeky little deus ex machina, solely for the sake of a stupid joke or a cheap reference to another Disney reference

If you're gonna copy Lin-Manuel Miranda's composition style anyway... just hire Lin-Manuel Miranda. At least he knows how rhyme schemes and leitmotifs work

This movie is so fucking trite it makes me legitimately angry

Good points I guess (because I refuse to dish on a movie without pointing out something decent about it):

Some of the songs are kinda catchy

There are a few powerful moments of animation, mostly with the King

There are little gold character moments here and there: the King's desperation for power, Simon's character as a whole, Asha's selflessness sparking the initial wish, etc.

Some of the voice acting is legitimately good!

The concept itself is interesting, a King who hoards wishes to make himself more powerful. It had the grounds to be a much better movie, it just didn't act on them very well

The diversity in this movie is genuinely good! We see various demographics of people - race, gender, physical build, disability, etc. - and there's not much "Disney same face syndrome" like we've gotten in other movies.

[thelightningthatjumpsbetween]

Chapter Seven

RE8 | Wintersberg | Romance, Slow Burn | Action, Sci-Fi

Sequel of Winters and the Beast, a Resident Evil: Village Story

Table Of Contents

Ethan's Journal

August 20

So, I finally met her.  Ada Wong.  It wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be.  Actually I have her to thank…I saw a different side of things when she spoke with Karl about the Mold research.  I was kept in the dark so much, listening to the BSAA.  I still blame that organization for what happened with Miranda, because they moved us here under pretense of “protection.”  It only made things worse.  Some of the things Ada said made me sick to my stomach.  I don’t know how Chris does it.  It's still so hard for me to forgive him.  Maybe one day.   

Things have been hard since Rose’s birthday.  Even though it was an adorable party and she was so happy to see our friends from the Roma village, and Zoe (so was I), I can’t help but think about how simple life was like just a year ago.  Things were so different.  I had no idea how much truth there was to discover. 

Seeing Rosemary blow out her candle and smash her cake made me so unbelievably happy.  I feel so lucky to be here with her.  I just want her to be a happy kid and know that she is loved more than anything in the world.  I have to defeat Miranda to ensure a future for both of us, and get justice for everything and everyone she destroyed.  

Eva agreed with the Duke about trying to find some sort of talisman for this King and communicate with him, and she gave me some advice on how to try after the Duke pointed out the possible location of the item.  I told her I would do it.  This week Karl is going to clear more of the land with the clan, and invited us.  The water from that river is turning the area by Moreau’s old village into a huge swamp and he wants to dig out a path to reroute the water.  I think he just wants to play in the excavator.  

—-----

Ethan was moderately pleased with the truck Karl had bestowed on him (the same one he’d gotten pounded while being chained to, several days earlier) even though it was by no means the Challenger he intended to buy; he drove the trio of himself, Eva, and Rose down to the work area: the old once-fishing village.  It was strange to be in the hollows of the village where nothing tangible remained, and debris lurked just under the surface.  Still, Ethan thought, it was less unsettling than seeing Donna’s house looming over his head as he had before the ceremony for Eva. 

He stared out at the expanse of the valley and the castle silhouetted silently against a darkened mountain, before muttering to Eva, “You sure you’re okay to watch Rose?”

She sighed, and turned to face him while he focused on the road.  “Always.  But Ethan…you make Heisenberg so sad.” 

“He’s in a gigantic piece of equipment!” Ethan said defensively, gesturing toward the field where the men worked.  “He’s busy! And he's....being Heisenberg! How can he be sad?"

She pursed her lips; he read the silence, and cut his eyes toward her in exasperation.  “Not you too.”

Maricara had already lectured him on this twice, he and Karl had fought over it once, and Zoe had defended Karl during her birthday visit to see Rose.

“Do you not trust him?”

“Eva, I don’t trust anybody or anything farther than I can throw them these days.  I can’t throw Heisenberg at all.  I do trust him, as much as I can."  Ethan inhaled, then sighed.  "Sometimes I still...remember what it was like.  Before.  I can't help that.” 

“But he senses that.  He is so good to all of us, Rosemary especially.” 

Ethan sighed.  “He is.  And I’m not singling him out.  He just does things like…work in excavators.  That’s all.  And.”  Ethan paused, wondering if he should say the other part of what was on his mind.  He chewed on his lip for a moment as the truck rolled down the gentle sloping road; made by Karl and the men, of course.  

“I feel like I can’t ask you to go into the Mold.  It should be my job.” 

“Why do you feel that way?”

“You were trapped in there for a hundred years,” he said with a halfhearted laugh.  “I figured you were tired of it.” 

She actually smiled, and gazed out the passenger window.  “You are…not wrong about that.  It is a beautiful world, but this one is so much more tangible.  Ephemeral.  It is a breath of fresh air.  I cannot wait until this is over.  To actually think I could see the world, see the things that I could only read, or look at through glass.” 

“We’ll plan a tour,” he agreed, his smile widening.  Ethan’s hair ruffled in the breeze from the rolled-down window.  “But, until then, I’d like to…give you a chance to just be here.  I need to learn everything I can to be a weapon myself,” he scoffed.  “Miranda was supposedly intimidated by Rose.  I’m going to find out the reason why, and use it against her.  Me.  Not you, not Heisenberg, definitely not Rosemary.”

“You don’t have to do things alone, Ethan.” 

“I know.”  They were close to the area where the castle gate had once stood; it was now rubble, but the drawbridge beyond it was intact.  The once-pond was now swampy mud, but it looked cheery with the wildflowers in bloom.  It had been so cold, so foreboding in the winter.  Ethan felt a shiver run up his spine despite the midday heat, as he surveyed the area.  He glanced over the drawbridge and the doorway beyond, surprised that Karl hadn’t just driven the excavator through the path and started clawing at the stone foundation.  Then again, there was still plenty of daylight left.  

“I’ve got this, Eva.  Go have some fun.  Catch yourself a big one.”  He pointed his thumb toward the antique fishing poles in the back of the truck, and she actually rolled her eyes at him.  This caused Ethan to beam at his own Dad humor.  He kissed his daughter and turned once more toward the looming, intimidating Castle Dimitrescu.  If he tilted his head very far back, he could see most of the structure, but it made him dizzy.  

Ethan paused at the approaching rumble of a large engine; sure enough, Heisenberg drove his ancient Frankenstein of industrial mining equipment toward the truck.  Rosemary squealed with joy at the monstrosity of metal.  Ethan heard the rush of air from pneumatic brakes, and the machine halted.  Now it idled as a graying tousled head of hair poked out of the window in the cab, gesturing toward Eva and Rosemary.  

Ethan felt his heart flutter at the sight of the manly man in his big machine, but he called out a jeer.  “Heisenberg.”  

The head turned; though hidden in shadow, he could see the glint of the glasses.  Ethan poked his thumb toward the drawbridge.  “I’m going in through the carriage gate.  D’you wanna stab me in the guts and kidnap me like a fucking psycho?”

The silhouette of Karl raised its left hand and flipped Ethan off.  He saw the red glow of a cigar ember.  Ethan waved in response as the machine started up, and then Eva, who was halfway between both men, called over to Ethan, “He said he will turn your truck into a metal frisbee when you leave.  What is a frisbee?”

—------------------

Ethan remembered his words as he’d crossed this threshold the first time.  Nothing but blood and death, huh.

“Elena,” he sighed, remembering her terror.  What he wouldn’t give to see her again.  But she, like many others, had only existed ephemerally in the Mold’s consciousness.  Wiped away by Karl’s recalibration, forgotten as if she were nothing but a dream in someone else’s mind.  There was nothing to be done about it, he reminded himself.  

Ethan’s sorrow was cast aside; his heart flew into his throat when he walked through the entryway where he’d first met Heisenberg.  He was anticipating something; his body seemed to remember the encounter.  It responded with adrenaline. 

Recalling the bizarre interaction actually made him smile as he crossed through the open doorway.  He was still afraid, still expecting a fight, but somehow Ethan could see the interaction in a different light, knowing the man now.  Heisenberg was still a fucking bastard, though.  The blond’s thoughts drifted back to that church meeting…well, what memory he had of it.  He’d been so confused, whacked in the head by some of Karl’s flying scrap metal.  

As Ethan strode through the silent gardens, which were now overgrown and covered in wild roses, he remembered Alcina’s booming voice.  The screeches of Angie, so close to his face.  Miranda farther away, mysterious, hidden in shadow.  How Karl had moved so quickly in front of him, the hammer ringing.  

God, Karl was one thing, Ethan mused.  Living with him was like owning a perpetually agitated, buzzing telekinetic bear.  Cute and cuddly every so often, but dangerous and confusing every other moment.  He knew that Karl would do anything to protect them, but still, the man had a wild, unpredictable streak.  It was never more obvious than when they’d met.  Heisenberg had seemingly discarded him several times, and then taunted him, watched him, while not so secretly expressing his admiration for the blond.  How could Ethan possibly be considering bringing back any of the other Lords? 

The thought made him frown deeply as he approached the final entrance door.  Ethan’s eyes drifted over to the spot where the Duke’s wagon had originally parked and the frown faded momentarily.  

The Duke–someone he trusted, someone who had always looked out for Ethan, openly…who had picked him up and carried him, while he fell apart, to his final destination, and who had shown only warmth and compassion-wanted the Lords back, too.  

With a rather disgusted sigh, Ethan exhaled and put his foot on the step.  He could do this.  Had to do this.  For Rose, he reminded himself.  Rose, who was happily frolicking in the sunkissed field below, not hugging the cold edge of a mountain castle.  

—--------

It would be in the Great Hall, the Duke wagered.  A treasure worth bragging about, particularly if the rivalry between Dimitrescu and Heisenberg’s ancestors was half as intense as the pair’s.  A patera was the item in question.  He’d been frustrated, running a hand down his face.  “What the fuck is a patera, Eva.” 

Some kind of shallow bowl used by Romans, originally.  It was depicted in some of the manuscripts with other treasure (the Duke had annotated heavily here, beseeching anyone reading to locate these artifacts.)  Apparently this King was a real show-off in battle, and had drank wine from the bowl at every public opportunity.  So... a showy flask, Ethan noted. 

The descriptions of the man and several illustrations of him drinking from his bowl matched the other writings that mentioned the ruler; he was several generations after the founding Kings of the village-the men whose terrifying statues guarded the ceremony site for their descendants.  According to official tapestries, his given name was Godric.  

Eva knew some of the history from her time in the Mold–at least some of the collective minds had belonged to scholars and historians of the area.  The King was beloved amongst his knights, and even peasants enjoyed the man’s rowdy and boisterous presence.  At least one medieval bard song existed about him, though it was lost to time.  

He had been very protective of his homeland, and led many battles that kept the area independent as Islam, then Christianity swept through the area.  He also gave the order for a quarantine wall to be built during the plague years that ravaged most of the countryside.  The man was by all accounts a good, just ruler who lived an unnaturally long life, perhaps thanks to the mutamycete.  

And then something terrible happened and he disappeared from all memory and history.  This was a bit of a mystery and Eva had no answers for it.  Ethan was cursing about the lack of clarity while digging through the ornate decor in the Great Hall when he paused, brushing past a plate.  

It was gaudy.  Bright gold.  Had a sculpture of a man in the middle of it…it was more like a bowl than a plate, he mused, and now he turned the ugly thing over, staring at the even more gaudy carvings on the bottom.  Runes, he noted curiously.  Ethan’s fingers moved along the Germanic alphabet and he studied the orgy depicted on the bottom of the patera.  This was likely not Christian.  Didn't need an anthropology degree for that. 

Now he straightened, his long legs stiff from kneeling while rifling through the cabinet.  The blond looked uneasily around; he was in the main hall, and the display area had been in shadow under the grand staircase.  Now Ethan strode out onto the marble floor, hearing his own footsteps echo in the cold room.  

He was nervous, but less nervous than he’d been before.  The castle at this point felt like an extension of the home he had here; it was burned into his mind as a location where he’d spent lots of time.  Not in any particularly enjoyable way, but it was memorable, at least.  

With one more furtive glance around, Ethan closed his eyes.  Eva had coached him on moving through strata; to just be still, and let the pages of the book flip around him.  He supposed it was something like Karl’s magnetic fields.  To send energy out around him, and then use that energy to focus on a person, or a question, or a thought.  Casting a line. 

He only hoped he wouldn’t fucking catch Miranda.  Here in the castle, it seemed unlikely.  But so did channeling a mad King who had existed hundreds of years ago and had no discernible presence within the collective consciousness, other than from the few memories from ceremonies that Ethan had seen before.  In those memories he was faceless, a shadow with an imposing presence.  

Ethan gripped the plate, closed his eyes.  The quiet echo of the castle turned into a rushing sound around him, and he tried to focus only on the entity that he knew so little about.  Godric.  He thought of the silhouetted, faceless figure on the throne.  

A heaviness broke the flickering sound as something tugged on the bowl in his hand.  Ethan’s eyes popped open, then widened.  There was another hand on the bowl.  The blond couldn’t even focus on the fact that he stood in the liminal space, where the castle blended into glitchy, overlapping colors behind them.  He was entirely encompassed by the man in front of him.  

Big. Wide.  He towered at least six inches over Ethan’s head and smirked at the blond’s dumbfounded expression.  

If Ethan squinted, he could almost see Karl in his features.  The shape of the face, the shaggy hair and beard.  The sparkle, the hidden smile, in his eyes.  This man had striking, light hazel irises, and a single scar over his eyebrow instead of an array across his face.  Ethan tilted his head.  The nose was right, too.  Dark skin.  

“Mi a fene,” spoke the stranger finally.  It was a question, aimed at Ethan, who continued to stare dumbly.  

[chrisevansluv]

In my opinion, this whole situation looks like something that was never supposed to be public info and has basically gone down hill since it came out. And because of that, I don’t think it’ll last very long, probably until February or it may even stretch into March at the most. I do think that Chris and Alba were hooking up on/off, but as time went on fans were getting suspicious of everything. The innocent, real-life Cap, ready to settle down Chris was beginning to be questioned and picked apart. Him seeing or hooking up with someone half his age, when it’s only assumed he wants someone with his shared life experience meaning someone around his age. So the narrative that needed to stick and was pushed is that he’s still the same guy, he’s actually in a serious relationship with someone, and that’s he’s finally found the one who he’s ready to share the type of life he’s been spewing about wanting for so long. But he nor his team were ready for the backlash or scrutiny that this whole thing brought. Getting called horrific names like groomer, pedo, and pervert was something that they’d never think they’d see. Fans taking off the shades and seeing him for who he really is. A grown man who has no problem liking or hooking up with younger women despite calling their same-age counterparts “kids”, and all of the babying and blindly defending him was done for next to nothing. Which sadly, has left a lot of his fans feeling manipulated and betrayed. Especially with some unfortunately getting blocked on social media. His words didn’t match his actions and it’s a hard pill to swallow. And I do see why some people believe he isn’t serious about her, or doesn’t take this whole “relationship” serious. Look at his most recent relationship. He was one of the reasons a marriage came to an end, and proudly with his chest out, went public with a relationship within the same time frame his new girlfriend was announcing her divorce. Openly took her to places with him like Sydney, his family went to her movie premiere, and she even blended in with his family while being at WDW twice. Look at Londongate of 2020. Although we all knew that was definitely a PR stunt and an image cleanup (mainly for Lily herself), his whole attitude and body language said that even though it’s fake he was actually into the moment. He was never stiff, he actually touched her back in a way that showed he was engaged with her, and even though both of their faces were covered they had a good laugh or two with the duty they were given. But with Alba things seem off. Throughout their “whole year” together, not a single person ever spotted this man with a new woman. When it’s finally announced they’re together and they do their first public walk, he looks overtly covered up (even though his clothes & signature cap gave him away), very stiff, and their touch doesn’t look like a genuine “we’re so happy, we can’t stop touching each other” way. He preferred to keep his hands at his side, in his pockets, balled into a fist, or hold his own belongings. This second go-round was not much better even though it was very shortly seen. While she is out in the open and deciding to just go face free despite wearing sunglasses, here he is again overtly covered up. Instead of a signature ball cap, he takes it a step further by where a full fledge bucket hat. One that covers his entire head and hair. He dons sunglasses and an entire mask that’s just seated right under the shades. You wouldn’t know that was him if it wasn’t for her showing off her infamous back tattoo. We can say he wore a mask for work, but why didn’t his best friend and assistant whose also there in the this second walk wear one to? He works with Chris on set day in and day out, if the case was to protect himself from catching anything then his friend would be wearing one too. Alba not so much, but definitely those two. Both sides of the spectrum have opinions on this matter, and it’s better to respect it than fight about whose right and whose wrong.

.

[heironymus-lex]

small thoughts about RE8 Mercenaries bc it seems to be the least talked about game mode but ive played a lot of it and you should try it:

it's fun to explore levels we've already seen from a new perspective in this mode, mowing down enemies and racking up combos is satisfying and a little addictive. You can perfect every level with practice and kill every enemy in a single combo, I find it much more enjoyable with the melee characters than the ranged characters, though.

I like that Heisenberg smokes between combos, im surprised I haven't seen more of his fans hyped about this, very sexy detail. I like how excited he gets when you kill miranda in the bloody village, he desserved to get his shot at her. He is the best character to play mercenaries as, it goes from an above average rail shooter to a very satisfying hack and slash with his hammer. I wish he would be nicer to moreau when he fights him, though. I find it very difficult to kill moreau in mercenaries, and in general, he desserved better.

Dimitresque is very fun to play as, her special moves are very silly and campy, and I love the sheer delight she gets from massacering enemies. it's satisfying to stred through enemies on lower difficulties, but on hard she feels underpowered which kind of betrays her character. if you look down you can see her boobs, by the way, in case you wanted that.

Chris is a really boring addition to me, when you only have him and Ethan to play as he's a welcome change of pace, but he's made totally obsolete by Heisenberg. I'm sure he's fun for fans of the Resident Evil series as a whole though, I'm only a devotee of RE8.

I'm biased, but I think The Duke would have been a much more interesting choice for a mercenaries playable character. Slower movement in exchange for massive damage capacity, weilding weapons that ethan has sold to him maybe, food based power-ups, teleportation based special moves? I think he would bring a lot of whimsy to the gameplay, it's always fun to have a jolly and jovial chatecter absolutely pulverising enemies. The problem with this though is that doing so would require revealing more about Duke, and part of his intrigue is how vague and liminal he is. His characterization also spills into his environments, all his elaborate shop setups add a lot to his character design and I'm not sure how well he would work in other environments that are not his own. His isolation from the rest of the game makes him a great comfort to players any I wonder if that would be ruined by throwing him into the action. I just know he could kick ass given the opportunity. It's probably just a game mechanic and not necessarily reflective of in-game lore, especially since mercenaries is extended universe gameplay, but I think it's telling of his secret strength that even the lords can't attack him in his merchant room. Maybe when I get SSS on all the stages this will be my reward. I want to be able to see his boobs like we get to see dimitresque's, its only fair. I would also like to petition for Capcom to let him have his full range of animations when he's in his merchant room, if you wait around too long he gets trapped in an endless loop of burning himself with his cigar! Poor baby!

[sleepychinitaprincess]

20240619

Bai, I act like I'm fine and it's okay nga I'm single since birth, yes most of the times I am grateful for the peace of mind and I can make myself happy man sad, but sometimes, I can feel the fear nga what if no one's going to pursue me na? like what if the ones that I really like never saw me as a potential or something?

actually, gakainsulto ko nga sungog sungogon ko ni chris nga "nganong wa pa man kay uyab?" tas one time nakamention to siya murag luoy daw ko kay way gapanguyab. though wa jud koy labot pa these days, but it hit me deep nga "mao jud, way gapanguyab" even though I tend to cut off a lot of these potential guys on the first stages of the conversation once I feel that it's really not gonna work with me. Mao sad guro reason nganong way gapanguyab kay I'm too hard for them to ponder, but it's making me feel so pathetic and hindi kapursue pursue.

I know this has something to do with my insecurities baii. Everywhere ako gakakita, akong friends, igagaw, igsuon kay naa may gakaibog ug gapursue nila. Bai I'm so happy for them and I wish them all the best with their relationships, but sometimes I wonder nganong sako wala?

And I don't mean nga gusto ko makauyab ug like bisag kinsa lang nga guy, I want to be with a guy nga I really like jud genuinely, like di lang tungod kay napressure ko makauyab maong giuyab nako na siya, or gusto lang kog experience, or wa koy lain choice, or anything desperate nga reasons. Di ko gustog inana kay luoy ming duha. I would just hurt him and hurt myself. So, I really pray for someone nga kami duha genuine sa each other. I'm so tired with one-sided love. I want to experience being loved and to love genuinely in a romantic sense.

Gakaobserve jud nako nga medj di kay sila gakacurious sako or wa kaayo sila ma ask nga questions nako kay wa man koy ex or uyab at the moment. I feel like I'm such a boring person naman. Kay mostly saila nanay mga ex, and naay ikashare nya ako wa jud.

Nya everytime makacrush pud ko, either impossible mareach, taken, naay lain gusto, or di lang jud ko gakapansin. I know man bai di ko pangit, or maybe I am? I just gaslight myself nga gwapa ko to believe I'm confident, but actually I'm just faking it. I don't know. Help me, God. I'm so weak jud. Makapasar unta kos 4th year all sems and especially sa CPALE. Ana nga time malimtan guro nako gamay ning mga lonely thoughts nako.

Weird jud kayko kay if papilion kog priorities nako if "Love or Career" I would definitely choose Career sa jud kay taas kaykog mga pangandoy for myself and my family, pero makahunahuna dayn kog mga ingani nga in the end magfocus man jud kos career.

Siguro I'm just scared or afraid nga in the end, wala koy makauban for a lifetime. Wa koy himoan ug love letters, effortan ug gifts, kauban sa most significant happenings of my life, travel together, spend old age together, etc. Usto ko lang naman maexperience genuinely lahat ng yun with the person I genuinely like and love of course. I really hope someone out there is for me... and that person is taking good care of himself and working hard for a good future.

[jodilin65]

THURSDAY, APRIL 22, 1993 I made $86 at work tonight, but the thing that pissed me off is that Scott never showed up and he hasn’t been home all day. I hope he is OK and not in the hospital. I’d die if anything happened to him, even though I’ve only known him for almost 4 months. He’s such a great person but he really pushes himself. I told him several times to slow down, but he just won’t.

To add to things, Steve’s sick and John’s not working tonight, so a guy named TJ came and got me. He also brought me home. He gave me funny vibes but he didn’t dare pull any shit on me. I’d kill him, but obviously, Steve must trust him. Steve told me to page him at 6:30 if I knew I needed a ride and if he couldn’t make it, he’d send someone else. This guy also said he also picks up other dancers regularly, so that’s cool.

I told Sasha all about Celeste and she was happy for me. Who knows when it’ll be when we see each other again, but yes, I see us winding up in bed eventually. I sure do hope so, cuz she’s beautiful and I know it’d be another year and 4 months before I got this lucky again. Celeste really does seem to like me, but I was shocked when she told me she was a romantic and to let her know if she ever smothers me. I thought people who only wanted casual sex didn’t act romantic and smother people. We did agree up front that all the two of us wanted was casual sex, so why would she then be worried about smothering me? Why would she want to go slow and get to know me and be romantic? That just does not go together very well, but I won’t jump the gun in paranoia. I will just sit back, play it cool, and see what she does.

That dancer Lacy is back after having some personal problems. Everyone says we look alike. We do, but not in the face. She’s right about my height, but she’s a little bigger than me and my hair’s longer. Pete, the DJ, was gonna have us both dance together to the song called Double Vision, but we never did. Oh well.

There were a bunch of rich Germans who came in tonight. If it weren’t for them, we would’ve all had such a shitty night. It was shitty, but it could’ve been a lot worse.

So, what the fuck happened to Scott? I hope nothing’s wrong. Especially now. It’d be shitty timing if I’m not going to L.A.

When I returned home, I went out alone quickly to the Jacuzzi. I mean alone. Usually, there’s almost always someone else out there. It seems like there are even more night people here than at the VV Then again, we all know that the VV’s not the place to be if you’re a night person. I know that for sure and so do Andy and others. This Jacuzzi is strange. Sometimes it’s really hot and other times it’s lukewarm and other times cold. It was much too cool tonight and when I got out I was freezing. The air out there right now is very dry, even though it’s warm and I have my AC on. Tomorrow it’s gonna be close to 100º once again.

I wonder if Steve’s on patrol tonight? I didn’t see him and the lights in the guardhouse are off. The door’s locked, too. I think he may have gotten it on with that girl Chris last night since Bonnie’s out of town. She must be on vacation. I haven’t seen her in the office since last week. I met Chris at the pool and she said she used to dance at Sha Na Na’s but didn’t like it. She said she gave her life to the Lord 8 months ago. Oh well. Whatever turns you on. Steve says it’s hard for him to live with Bonnie cuz of the way he feels so much for her. Maybe he didn’t do anything with Chris, cuz he never pressures or pursues sex with me.

I’m dreading the time he goes to Georgia to get his daughter Brianne for a month. I hope to hell that I’m not gonna have to declare war on my end if I’m getting woken up by lots of screaming or banging. I told them all about the butch at the VV. I also told them up front that if I’m woken up, they will be, too. I won’t know how it’ll go till the kid gets here, but I sure do hope I’m worrying over nothing. God, I can’t fucking stand kids!

Scott told me that in one of the houses he fixes, he found me a combination bookcase/desk. It’s normally used for a computer, but it’d be perfect for my typewriter. I could also put journals on their shelves. He says he can bring it here in a few days, but I know he really means a few weeks. I appreciate from the bottom of my heart all that Scott’s done for me. I just wish he wouldn’t procrastinate so much. This way I’m not all psyched up for something for so long. I hate having to be waiting and waiting.

I bought Mom’s Mother’s Day card, not that she deserves it. I haven’t sent it yet but maybe I’ll accidentally mail it a wee bit too late.

There’s this gorgeous girl at work named Christine. Sasha says she’s made sexual gestures to her. Christine has, I mean, and somewhat has to me, too. Is she just being friendly, or does she like me in that kind of way?

Well, I’m so fucking beat as I said before, so I’m gonna listen to music and then try to get some sleep. I need to try to get to the pool tomorrow to get some very much-needed color. With my luck, there’ll be 10 million screaming kids out there!

Later…

Well, so much for going to sleep. I only lay down just to wake right up again.

I really hope all’s well with Scott. Now that I live so close and have gotten to know him more and more, I’m more in tune with him. I can sense when things are going well and when they’re not. I do have a bad vibe, unfortunately. I wonder if Scott could’ve been arrested. He did say that there was a warrant out for his arrest due to this tax thing he’s been trying to clear up cuz it’s dealing with a lot of money. I hope not. I hope he gets things cleared up with the IRS soon. I also hope he’s not sick or in the hospital having a heart attack or something like that due to stress. I only know way too well just what stress can do to you.

NOTE: The journal entries between April 23rd and May 21st were lost. Therefore, I’m going to fill in the gaps as best as I can.

The only significant thing I remember during this lost month is moving to the back of the complex, away from the pool. It was a second-floor apartment, identical to the 2-bedroom I had at the front of the complex next to Tom, my future husband, unbeknownst to me at the time. It was also at the end like the other apartment was. At first, it was quieter, with a single black guy below me and a single guy next to me that was hardly ever home. Then it became very noisy when the guy next door moved and a bunch of college kids moved in. The complaints to the office by me and the people below them were useless but I would only be in this apartment for a few months, fortunately.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 21, 1993 Today, now yesterday, I awoke at 2 PM. I saw Scott for about 10 minutes. He was cooking dinner and his parents were on their way over for dinner.

I told him all about Celeste and that she may visit again that night. I guess he told Andy that Bill T will be in PHX for two days on business at the end of May or the beginning of June. This will be when he, Scott, and I fly to L.A. to Capitol Records studios on his private leer jet. God, this sounds weird!

Celeste came over again tonight for about an hour and a half. She met Steve downstairs who said he’d babysit for her son Josh anytime she needed if he were home. I told Steve earlier to tell Bonnie I got my bangs trimmed. She’s in Tucson seeing some guy she’s dating. Let me back up a minute and say that as I was walking back from Scott’s, I saw a woman on her patio cutting some girl’s hair. I yelled out that I needed my bangs trimmed and she said to come on up. For $5, she did a nice job and we exchanged phone numbers. Now I have a hairdresser. I may even have her put a gel or an acrylic overlay on my nails. Even though my nails get long, the ridges I have aren’t too pretty. And then if I do break a nail it looks stupid with all the rest of them long.

TUESDAY, APRIL 20, 1993 I have some totally shocking and totally amazing news. Before I do, though, I want to back up and update a few more things I haven’t yet. The bad news is that on the 6th of this month, I had my second asthma attack and I had to go to the ER by ambulance. I ran downstairs to Steve when this happened cuz he’s a paramedic and I panicked. It’s hard to deal with things alone if you can help it. Bonnie was a big help too. I was there for 3 hours, then I took a cab home cuz I couldn’t reach Scott.

Speaking of Bonnie and Steve, well, they’re super cool people and there was always something I really liked a lot about Steve from the get-go. So, I began to wonder whether or not I should consider going back to the good old days of settling. I was realizing how so many women aren’t attracted to me and how so many of them never go further than always guaranteed to go through with a sex deal or get together or whatever you want to call it. They don’t lead you on as much and they’re the ones who are attracted to me.

But then there are a few fears of mine like AIDS and pregnancy, even though I highly doubt it, as well as trying to find a guy who can handle having only oral sex with me. Using my good judgment of character, I could pretty much sense I’d be safe with Steve and that he wouldn’t go getting carried away. So we sat down in the guardhouse one night after I’d gotten off of work and had a long and very honest talk. He’s divorced with a 2-year-old daughter which he showed me pictures of, and he’s different from most guys cuz he wants a relationship that might turn into marriage. He doesn’t just fool around.

He’s very much in love with Bonnie whom he wants to marry, but she doesn’t want to marry him.

We both mutually decided right then and there that we should never get together sexually.

I’ve had a few talks with Celeste here and there and late Sunday night she told me she’d be able to see me. She lives all the way out in Tempe which is about 45 minutes away from here, but she’s got a friend who lives right near me. This friend was to have dental work done today, which is now yesterday. Then this girl - Donna’s her name - was to drive to Celeste’s place, pick her up and bring her here. Now, of course, I was going by past experiences and I pretty much thought she was full of shit even though she really sounded like she meant it. She actually did show up! I was even attracted to her!!! She was attracted to me!!! She liked my eyes, hair, butt and even how tiny I am! And I think she’s a definite 7½ on a scale of 1-10. Her eyes and eyebrows are so much like Gloria’s, but her eyes are green. Her hair is medium brown. It’s permed and it’s shoulder-length. It’ll definitely look better when it grows longer, but at least she’s no Miss Military Diesel Butch. She’s 5‘ 6”, 130 pounds. Her body’s proportioned nicely and she dresses nicely and does her makeup well. We chatted and watched a little TV. She didn’t have too much time as she had to go catch the bus. I’m glad I finally got to see the face behind the phone for the last 3 months.

I laid it down honestly about her 2-year-old son. He can’t come here, and she understood how I feel. Why do I always get people with kids? In a way this is good and it gives me extra added peace of mind that she’s not gonna smother me. You can’t with a kid unless you live together cuz you’re tied down and you have no life. She’ll always be chasing down babysitters. She tells me that within a few months, she should have a car. I do hope so, cuz that will surely help us out with her living so far away and I have no car. I also like her living so far away.

She sure called a lot after she left and was even gonna try to see if she could get a babysitter, as she ended up missing the bus after some people picked her up here and brought her to her father’s.

She did seem clean and sober enough and intent on staying that way. Although, this isn’t a major concern for me as I don’t do relationships. She seems very nice, friendly, understanding and honest. I like her character so far and she may be passable enough to sleep with. In other words, she isn’t scary in any way. She doesn’t give me bad threatening vibes. She did say on the phone to tell her if she smothers me too much by calling a lot. This was weird as I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about that from her. She seems too much more into guys and not getting attached right now. Especially after coming out of a divorce. I hope she doesn’t end up falling more than she ever thought she could or would but I’m 99.9% sure she’ll be OK and not smother me.

She and I went to the Jacuzzi for a little while. Then we came up and watched some TV and talked. She’s really cool and she looked beautiful. She’s got so much Gloria in her. Way more than Ann Marie did.

When her brother came to get her, she kissed me (vigorously) and it was nice for a girl who isn’t so much into mushy, wet, sloppy French kissing. I’m glad I did meet her after the many many times I was gonna call it quits with her and never meet her.

A short while ago Andy and I called people with ads in the New Times looking for singers and guitar players and shit like that and played with their heads.

Later…

Since I met Scott I’ve had more and more visions of fame and fortune. When I look back a few pages at what I wrote about Bill, his private leer jet, L.A., and Capitol, it’s like - oh my God! That’s something I’d only write as a fantasy, but I wrote it for real. I meant it. It’s real. Wait till I tell my family when this actually happens. I want Scott, or someone to take pictures as this all happens, so no one thinks I’m pulling their leg. It’s all going as predicted. I knew God would have to throw me literally by a freak chance into a proper, decent, honest connection. What better person than Bill T’s nephew? I made a mistake before when I said they were cousins. Now I know more than ever that the NHA was supposed to be so bad in order to be my ticket out west. I always figured that whenever the planner above felt it was just about time, I’d somehow leave the east coast. More and more I realize how important it was for me to meet Tonya. If I didn’t dance I would still be broke and I’d never have met Scott or gotten this apartment.

Anyway, I listened to music a little while ago, but I guess I’m not quite ready yet to fall asleep. I am drowsy, though.

When I was first at Steve’s before Celeste came over, he handed me some banana nut bread on my way out the door and one of his cats ran out. They have two cats. Patches and Shadow, which seems to be a popular cat name. Patches ran out, but right before Andy called two hours ago, I heard meowing and she came in. Steve and a girl I met a few nights ago at the pool came up and trapped it. When I told Andy they came up and trapped it, he asked, “They came up in traffic?” I was cracking up.

Then a half-hour later Steve knocked. He bummed a few cigarettes and I asked if he heard me laughing. He said yes, and he and Andy said hello over the speakerphone. I told Steve what Andy thought I said and told Andy how Steve met Celeste.

“She’s fucking hot!” Steve told Andy.

Later…

In about 5 minutes I have to page Steve to pick me up for work at 7:30.

It sure was a hot 100º today and it will be tomorrow, too.

I called FL and Ma answered. She got the picture and she’s keeping it. A picture of me she actually likes - how amazing!

I called CT and spoke with Lisa for about 5 minutes.

I called Celeste as she was on her way out the door to find a job. She said she may or may not be able to stop by where I work tonight.

I left a message on Brian and Angel’s machine telling them how much I love it here and I gave them my new number. So far, management’s been really cool, but I’ll just have to wait and see. They wave and smile every time I walk by.

I forgot to mention that Celeste used to do topless dancing, too. She used the name, Jade, just like a dancer we have, but I think she quit. Actually, I think she was fired for talking too much. Celeste’s full name is Celeste Brianne K. I love the first and middle names but her last name is no better than mine.

I finally got my deposit from SRP for $107. Scott also owes me $111 for the food stamps. I wouldn’t care as he’s done so much for me, but I want to lend Andy the $150 he needs to borrow by May 4th.

I really wish Scott would hurry up and call Tammy, fix my typewriter cord, program my VCR and install my bedroom ceiling fan. I know he’s very busy, but I know I’ll be waiting months and I hate that. Besides, he gave me his word that he’d do these things.

Andy called me and said he saw “Fuck Face,” as we call Donna, at the pool. We had thought she moved. Fuck Face dumped Angel and Brian and we’re not surprised. I said she’s the type who’ll dump everyone and have a problem with everyone she meets. Andy said the way she said she dumped Angel was totally cruel and I believe it. She claims Angel was always inviting herself over for dinner so she gave Angel the cold shoulder and Angel eventually got the message. I don’t buy it, though, as I feel I know Angel well enough to say it’s not her style to do stuff like that. Then again, we all know Donna tends to over-flatter herself and she told me the day we met that she has no friends. Gee, I wonder why?

Andy said she did ask how I was. He told her where I work and that I make lots of money and moved to a beautiful 2-bedroom apartment He said he really rubbed it in, but I couldn’t care less about her opinion. Andy says he knows to basically stay away and only say hi if they meet at the pool. She’d only dump on him too, but he’s moving to Glendale on June 1st.

I pity the poor girl who’s moving into my place on May 1st. I hope she’s a day person, loves kids, and is hardly home.

Well, now I’m gonna go gather up everything I need for work. I really hope now that the major holidays and taxes are over that the money gets better.

Not too much else is going on. I got a call today from Fran telling me he just got the best letter I ever wrote. OK, that’s cool enough with me. He absolutely hates it where he is, due to tons of screaming kids which even I could hear loud and clear. It sounded just like the NHA to me. He’s gonna move again as soon as he can.

I also spoke to Nervous, but not for too long. He was just getting in the door with the letter I sent him with the tissue I wiped my crotch with.

I also called Tammy and told her all about Celeste and that Scott did go to Vegas. He’s back, though, and tomorrow he and I are gonna do mega food shopping. I need food in here badly.

MONDAY, APRIL 19, 1993 I ordered new address labels as well as CDs, dolls, and plates. I also sent shit to Barbara, Debbie and Fran.

Scott may or may not be going to Vegas for a business meeting.

I saw John last Saturday night at work and couldn’t stop laughing over his spittoon. I told Steve (my cab driver) and he was cracking up.

I got an awesome outfit at K-Mart shortly after I moved here. It’s a spandex tank top/shorts. It’s a 1-piece outfit and it looks nice on me. If I were 10 pounds heavier, I couldn’t cut it in it.

I finally got my phone bill from Sprint and can you believe it was only $65! I made 50 calls and so many of them were for almost an hour.

Last night I ordered from KFC and they screwed up the order which cost $8. I called them back and they returned with the correct order for free.

I got 4 new fancy writing pads for letters as well as new envelopes of assorted colors.

I sent Nervous a letter with a tissue that I wiped my crotch with. Speaking of Nerv, I’ve had some nice talks with him, both with and without Andy. I have so much editing to do that it isn’t even funny.

A little while ago I had a TV dinner and listened to music.

Andy also called and a few days ago he told me some neat jokes.

For $8 I bought a costume from a dancer named Kim. It’s really cool. It’s a 2-piece with a zipper down the front of the crotch. Of course, there’s a lining inside the zipper, as it’d be illegal not to have it there. It’s denim with black lace and some greenish glittery thing on it. I also got two other things from a dancer named Tyra for $10. A strapless bathing suit top. I love the colors and I can wear it with my solid pink bathing suit bottoms I got from Mom right before I left CT. It’s got pink, blue, purple and black. Some of my favorite colors. Tyra also sold me a solid hot pink G-string. It’s more like underwear and it can be used as regular underwear by me. I had to gather the front and back of it from the inside, though. This girl is much bigger than me. It looks great on me.

Lastly, as far as the costumes go, I ripped the feathers off that burgundy dress I bought at Sha Na Na’s. I also took them off the matching G-string. No more feathers floating around everywhere and the DJ asking, “Is someone plucking Mystery’s feathers?”

A girl who works the 3rd shift where Andy works did a very stupid, yet great thing for both of us. Her name’s Sarah Sandy and she gave Andy her phone number and her VM code which he gave to me. We’ve been listening to some of her messages.

I’ve met several people here at the pool. Once again, they’re usually the ones who strike up the conversation.

Asshole Stacey sent my parents a letter about the rent owed up till May 1st. I spoke to my parents and told them the truth about why I moved, and that some girl is moving in on the 1st of May. I told them that they probably will get more letters, but to throw them out. Dad said to tell them that he wants no more letters from them. I left a message saying I’ve had it with them, they lie, they’re not getting another penny, grow up, get a life, never contact us again.

SUNDAY, APRIL 18, 1993 I made $93 at work tonight. John came in, but Scott drove me home. Steve brought me to work.

I got my picture from Montgomery/Ward. It didn’t come out too bad. I’ve sent it to my parents.

Another dancer named Kim may put a gel on my nails to fill in my ridges and make them stronger. She’s got 4 costumes to sell me too.

Here are some of the dancer’s names: Christine, Jill, Sasha, Heather, Nicki, Nicole, Sue, Stevie, Jasmine, Sativa, Shelley, Tia, Lisa, Kay, Mariah, Jessie, Jade, Lacy, Meagan, Brooke, Mandy, and there are many more.

I got bored one time and called and got Leanne’s machine. I said simply, “Leanne, you’re an asshole.”

When I returned from work I had a message saying, “I didn’t appreciate the message. I’m sorry I’ve got no time. I’m raising 4 orphan cats and working 60 hours a week, so please just be a friend.”

My final message was, “If you knew you didn’t want to get together, and you didn’t, why’d you take my number and call me? If you’re not interested in someone, don’t take their number and no, there’s no friendship. You probably are busy, but if you wanted to get together, you’d find the time to do so.”

I’m used to these kinds of games, but it sure gets annoyingly old.

Neither Gail nor I have called each other. If she does call, I’m not gonna set a time or suggest getting together.

Celeste left a message last week saying she’s OK to meet people. Sure. Well, it ain’t gonna be me. If she ever comes to where I work - fine, but I know she won’t.

I’m still waiting for the posters Scott’s making up. Maybe they’ll be ready this week.

Scott fixed Andy’s VCR and tape player and gave me a 19” color TV! It’s great and so is having cable.

Mystery’s somewhat of an outdoor cat till he’s neutered, declawed, and bathed in Head & Shoulders to curb my allergies. Two nights ago I had his cat, Fluffy, while they re-carpeted his place. It never shut up, so I put it on the patio. Luckily, with the waterfall sounds and my music and the master bedroom being far from the patio, I couldn’t hear her meowing in here.

Andy came to see a 1-bedroom model. He loved it, but he doesn’t want the 3rd floor which is all they had, so he got an apartment elsewhere. He’ll be moving on June 1st.

Later…

I just went and got my other Barbie-themed pad. I have 3 and I keep one in the spare bedroom by the typewriter. One with my editing notes by the stereo. One by my bed for journal notes.

Scott may soon be here to fix my typewriter cord. I can type, but the cord needs electrical tape, rather than scotch tape. He’ll also have to program my VCR when he gets the chance. He fixed Andy’s stuff and he came over today. He was gone, though, so Andy hung out here for a half-hour or so.

He asked to hear some Tracy K edits and I gave him some Ibuprofen for his toothache. He needs dental work done and I may lend him $150 by May 4th. He’ll pay me back in June with his tax refund check.

This place looks great and Scott’s neighbor gave me two tables she was gonna toss out. They’re of silver and gold chrome and Scott’s gonna cut glass tops to fit. They’re my style, too. Very modern.

FRIDAY, APRIL 16, 1993 The last two nights at work were dead, but the funniest thing happened Wednesday night to make up for it. Scott and John were in and so Scott and several others saw this. John had a “spittoon,” a can he spits in. He had it sitting on the table when I reached across to grab a cigarette and knocked it onto his crotch. I laughed so hard that my stomach and throat were killing me. It looked like he peed his pants and I could see how red his face was, even in those dim lights. He was so embarrassed and said, “I’d rather have you spit on me than you knock my own spit on me.”

MONDAY, APRIL 12, 1993 I finally got my place all set up, so now I can quickly update all that’s been going on. My place looks great and I haven’t been woken up yet. They were kind enough to hold off the blowers and parking lot sweepers until very late this afternoon. The only thing I ever hear are the kids here and there at the pool, but music or TV drowns that out. Occasionally at night, I hear Bonnie and Steve’s cabinets and door below me, but it’s such a joke compared to the butch and they’ve never woken me up. The butch changed her phone number. I also whited out my name on Bob’s letter which I sent her. Rick and Rosemarie and Ellie are getting letters, too.

I’ve spoken with Kara and Mary.

Last Saturday night after work John and I went and got the last carload out of VV. I am completely out of there. There was a letter on my door about late rent. My father got one too, and I explained how they’re trying to make a last-minute quick buck. Last week I noticed VV called while I was out. I called back to see what she’d say. She said she re-rented my place for May 1st to some girl.

On our way out with the final load, I put the keys in the rent drop-box. Andi also has some goodies on her patio, as with just my luck, she was gone at the time. She has an empty box of cornflakes, some wire hangers, and dead plant leaves John dumped.

Later…

I spoke to Mary a little while ago. She’s gonna come check out my place and see some models maybe this weekend.

I met my neighbor next to me last week. His name is Tom, and in a month or so he’ll be moving. Tom brought me to K-Mart today and I bought a Dirt Devil vacuum for $69. It works really well. I also got some vacuum bags and plant food. Also a little timer for when I’m out tanning. The whole charge came to $91 which I paid in cash. I had $150 on me.

Work’s been going great. I cut around $300 this week as well as last week. I now work Wednesday-Saturday 8 PM to 1 AM. I had to use most of the money for the electric deposit, food, and odds and ends. I have to pay a $7 house tip, which is a new thing they just began, 10% to the DJ, then there are food and transportation. Friday night Scott never showed up, so the new doorman Ray took me home. It turns out that he ended up in the hospital due to stress and chest pains.

Last Saturday night I met a couple who came in there. They’d been living together for a year and a half and they have an open relationship. I don’t know if he’s bi, but he seems nice enough not to get in the way. His girlfriend Gail’s really pretty and she’s bi. I freaked when she told me she was 43. I thought she was 30-35! I gave her a table dance and my number. She called, and who knows if we’ll ever get together. I doubt it, even though we discussed it. I was supposed to call her tonight, but I forgot.

A few days after I got here I got a call from Celeste. She said I was probably “wondering” why I haven’t heard from her and went on to tell me she was divorcing her husband Joe. She just couldn’t wait to be free. She also said she had Hepatitis A, the least serious of A, B and C, but is now better. She also said her doctor said no more drugs or alcohol or she’ll die.

I told her there was no way we’ll ever meet unless she comes to the club, but she can call all she wants.

There was this waitress at work who seemed really nice with hair as long as mine. She said she was a hairdresser and she’d trim my bangs. Lots of people give phony numbers which is a fact I’m used to, but I’m shocked she did. She never called me either and hasn’t been to work. So she was just looking to give people bogus numbers knowing she was quitting work.

That dancer, Sasha, likes me but was only teasing about getting together. This is cool with me, though, as I don’t dig her crew cut. Plus, she’s too cool as a friend to ruin that with sex.

The dancers here are so much cooler, not that they were bad at Sha Na Na’s. The customers are a bit better. They’re a bit more affluent.

I just called the payphone at Sha Na Na’s. Now I can hit on some of the pretty ones and hope they don’t transfer to the Mile High. But then again, it’s not like they’d shoot me and these girls are all either bi or used to bi people. The phone’s just ringing and ringing. I’m calling it now for the fourth time. I was hung up on 3 times. Or maybe this phone disconnects you after so many rings. Yes, that’s definitely it cuz you can tell when someone picks up or hangs up. Plus, I would’ve heard the loud music in the background. I have to call when someone’s in the bathroom to answer.

Just got lucky two minutes ago. Dawn answered and I asked for Alex and Alicia, but they were off. Then I asked for Christine, but she was on stage. I’m gonna call back.

Later…

Just got lucky again and Christine answered herself. Using “Norah’s” English accent I asked for Christine P (I’ve seen her last name on the bar tip-out sheet). I said I couldn’t tell her who I was but that my boyfriend and I were discussing something we overheard. We thought she should know that her ex swears he’s gonna storm the bar at 12:45 and hurt her. She asked where I heard it. I said it was from some company I had at my house. I used to know Ralph (she said his name) and how crazy he is.

Was I telling the truth? she asked, and then, “OK, thank you,” and she hung up.

MONDAY, APRIL 5, 1993 Crystal Creek…

Well, I am finally here! It feels great to finally be out of the Vista Ventana.

I have a million things to write about, so I’d better get started. I thought I wouldn’t be moving till Sun., but Scott and I pulled some stuff out Saturday, then on Sunday, he and I and his friend Eric who also lives here, went over to load the pickup truck. I think Scott and I are gonna hopefully clean out the rest of the place tonight at 11:00 when that butch is hopefully sleeping.

Now, let me back up to last Saturday night and start updating in order. I made $111 Saturday night and only $15 of it was from Scott. He came in with two employees and another dancer. Eric, who was there Friday night, has a 15-day-old daughter and a girlfriend, so when I came here Saturday night, I pretended I was meeting him for the first time. He, his girlfriend, and Scott and I had steak dinners.

Last Saturday afternoon Mary came up to my old place. I had been sleeping on and off and Mary said that the butch next door woke her up with her cleaning at 8:30 in the morning. She was pissed, and I surely don’t blame her. She said she waved to her the day before and Andi just gave her this look. This bitch cares about nothing but herself, is very selfish and thinks she owns the world. This bitch is never gonna get along with her neighbors. No wonder the butch doesn’t have too many friends. She may have a huge family, but no friends.

Unfortunately, the butch wasn’t home when we were loading stuff yesterday. She will be tonight. I saw Mary yesterday and I left her a message earlier tonight. I’ve got to get in touch with Kara. I must also write to several people including Kim and Bob and let them know the new address and number.

I’ll be getting 50 stamps in the mail for $14.50. It’s a very convenient service.

My photo from Montgomery/Ward is gonna be mailed to me.

Before I get to writing about my apartment, Dave and I had a chat last Friday night as I was waiting for Steve to come get me. He said he’s gonna miss me and I feel the same. He was the perfect neighbor and very nice. I wish Mary lived next to me and Dave lived below me here.

Sat. Andy drove me to work and Scott brought me home all 3 nights. We also stopped at Fry’s and got tons of boxes.

Also, I’m now gonna be working Wed-Sat from 8 PM-1 AM.

Mystery won’t be declawed for another week cuz he has an infection in his foot.

Today’s my dad’s birthday and I sent him a card and I spoke to him. I also spoke to Bill and Lisa, but haven’t gotten ahold of Tammy yet since I’ve been here. They’re now 3 hours ahead of us back east.

The 2nd was John’s birthday, but I haven’t been able to reach him, either. I told Steve to give him my new address and number. Last I knew his beeper was busted. He’s also driving the cab more as Circle K suspended him. They think he stole money, but I don’t believe it for one minute any more than Steve does.

Later…

I just spoke to Kim and gave her the new information. She’s gonna pass it along to Bob.

I guess Scott could be calling or coming over any time now to go to the old place to pick up stuff.

I still need to go to APS and pay the $117 deposit. I also need to go to the cable co. to get a cable box, since my TV isn’t cable-ready.

I need to hack off my nails cuz they’re a pain in the ass and I can’t type too well with them. Right now I am typing all this in the spare bedroom. I shall soon copy all this into my journal.

The apartment is beautiful and it is humongous! It sure feels great to have all this space once again. Having too much space is better than having too little. But, within time, little by little I’ll fill this place up. There are only two things I don’t like about it here. There’s no shower door like I had thought and hoped there would be, and this past weekend was fucking noisier than all hell! This is, of course, cuz I’m right by the pool, and there are a lot of divorced people here whose kids come to visit on weekends. Today it was quiet and it was a blessing not to have to hear the very loud and very obnoxious lawnmowers. The only thing I could hear was the blowers, but they’re not as loud. This is cuz the little monster kids trash the gravel rocks and so they blow rocks back into place. I guess it’s better to have noisy weekends rather than noise in the building and such a tiny apartment I’ve only heard a couple of bangs from the people below me, but it ain’t shit compared to the butch I had to live next to. You can’t hear any footsteps or closet doors. I can slightly hear the door below me and I’ve never heard a peep from whoever’s next door to me. I guess this is all worth the weekend shit I have to deal with. I slept OK yesterday and today, but yes, I’m sure I’ll get woken up a few times a week. We’ll just have to wait and give it more time and wait and see. It’s a kid’s world out there today and it’s not fair. I still don’t think it’s prejudiced to have complexes for families and complexes for singles. It’s discrimination to separate blacks, Jews and gays, but this is different. I think people should be given a choice.

I have more trees around me than at the other place. This complex is much more beautiful. Another great thing here is that I no longer have to buy bottled water. It’s run through a purifier so it doesn’t taste like bleach.

Later…

My wall clock says it’s 11:15 and I set the stove clock and clock radio at 10:55, so I think I goofed by 20 minutes.

I hope Scott knocks any minute now so we can go get some stuff out of my old apartment My first night here which was last Saturday night I slept on two couch cushions Scott lent me. Not too comfortable, but better than the other place. Last night I had my bed and all day today I’ve had my cat and his. This is cuz they are fixing a problem in his place with the roof and wall. I think they’re gonna transfer him.

These cats are really good. Very friendly and not as destructive as I thought they’d be. The cat box is in the spare bedroom along with this typewriter and the stool, my guitar, keyboard, the stool/ladder, which is busted, and I put my crystal night lamp in here. To be able to see while I type, I brought in the lamp I usually have in the living room.

In the living room, I have the stereo, TV, round wicker chair, the tall wicker basket of flowers, beanbag, round glass shelves, and other little stuff.

In the master bedroom, I have the bed and some plastic stacking shelves.

Of course, my kitchen table is right over the bar where the living room starts.

I’m using Scott’s phone now as mine’s still packed in the other place. I have about 5%-10% of my stuff still over there. It looks like we’re not getting it tonight.

Andy was over earlier tonight. He brought his VCR over for Scott to fix and then we ran over to the store. He’s very impressed with it here.

There is a guy and a girl below me and they’re very nice. I think they’re just roommates, not lovers. He’s the courtesy patrol, as well as a paramedic/fireman, and she’s a leasing agent in the office.

Well, I’m gonna sign off now and write more some other time. I’m hungry and I’m gonna go make a bite to eat and listen to music.

FRIDAY, APRIL 2, 1993 Tonight I made $113 and last night I made $70. Scott and one of his employees came in tonight. Scott and several others gave me $70. Andy brought me to work Wednesday and Scott brought me home the last two nights. Steve brought me into work tonight cuz Andy had to go to Donna’s birthday party.

I have quite a bit more to write about, but I’m too tired to do it now.

[nightlyvisitor]

36.  FESTIVE :  for both muses to decorate for a special occasion. ( Halloween decorating maybe? Something festive and fun for a change ahaha Chris for Raymon 💕 )

Humming along the tune, the sniper leans on his tippy toes to hang one of the ghost decorations he had been buying for the spooky season. Yeah he was well aware that some would not go all the way as he was doing it right now. People didn't really bother to decorate much for October since the month would go by way too fast and it would be a hassle to redecorate for Christmas...but for Raymon it wasn't such a big challenge...well, not to the spots he could comfortably reach to. Having something to occupy his mind was good, especially when the sniper would return back from long missions...he needed something to quiet his mind.

Lucky for him he wasn't alone for Halloween. Catching onto the familiar creak of wooden floors under a heavy weight, the shorter man is greeted with a heartwarming smile and a cup of hot tea. A small reward for his current activities. Sharing a little smirk back, Raymon gingerly accepts the warm mug to take a few sweet sips. Yeah Ray knew that he could definitely get stuck in his work...and forget to take a break. Maybe it was his stubborness in wanting to finish things to the end, or his mind completely zoning into the moment...it wouldn't be too bad if he wouldn't end up passed out on his desk. Crumpling that thought away for another day, Raymon gently leans to the side, bumping arms with the taller operative as he takes in the work he has completed so far. Smiling pumpkins hidden around the cabin, with a few adorable ghost hanging from the chimney and drawers to the colorful leaves placed on the living and kitchen table both topped with a small bouquet of yellow dahlias and white anemones. Just some flowers he hoped Chris liked, even if he couldn't really go for sunflowers this month. Although he favored the bright sunny flower...he found the charm in others, so why not surpise the older man?

Snapped back to the present his left hand is gently pulled over, scarred fingers mapping over the small lines of his palm, the way a few old scars curled around his wrist and higher up. The soft touch makes him smile so much brighter. Whatever worry was lingering in his mind, it would soon melt away. Replaced with a lovestruck look as Ray feels the familiar warmth and tenderness that accompanies the kisses gingerly placed. The shorter of the two can't help but raise his hand not stopping the other's affection as his fingers carefully map the other's cheek before settling on cupping. Gazing into hazel sights, amber hues loose themselves observing all the beauty and warmth that shined so brightly, so hopeful....maybe he knew why he sometimes pushed himself that hard.

Sooner that he wished the small alarm on his phone suddenly beeps consistently, reminding him of his other tasks. Of course...he would love nothing more than to ditch his plans and savour their soft moment much longer...but perhaps he could find a middle ground. Smiling sheepishly Raymon leans to catch the other lips in a soft kiss, before pulling away but not completely apart from the other.

"You know...there are some big pumpkins I left outside this morning. Would you be up to giving those fellas a charming smile with me? Maybe even help me set the rest of the decorations on the higher shelves? I promise we can have a cookie break afterwards." He chimes in with a sweet hum. The cookies would need some time in the oven until they would be reach their nice golden brow hue, but it would be worth it! Especially with the recipe he had prepared this year.

[nghtmarish]

@dcviline ; samantha : are you going to tell me what's going on? meme from the old blog.

    𝐡𝐞  𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝  𝐭𝐨  𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥  𝐡𝐞𝐫  𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠.   but  where  to  begin?   most  of  this  year  had  been  a  blur  and  he  didn't  even  know  what  she  might  think  of  him  if  she  knew  the  whole  truth.   it  wasn't  exactly  a  secret  that  the  disappearance  of  his  sisters  had  been  really    𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡   on  him.   but  no  one  really  knew  the  truth.   like  how  a  month  after  he  had  tried  to  kill  himself.   what  would  she  even  think  of  him  if  she  knew  that?   he  didn't  know  if  he  could  handle  it  if  sam  started  looking  at  him  with  even  more    𝐩𝐢��𝐲   than  she  already  did.   could  he  even  tell  her  that  he  had  been  seeing  this  doctor  who  was  supposed  to  be  helping  him,  who  actually  just  seemed  more hellbent  on  trying  to  stop  him?   doctor  hill  was  supposed  to  be  the    𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭   around  and  that's  why  his  parents  paid  him,  to  actually  help  him,  but  instead,  josh  felt  like  he  was  spiralling  even  more  so  than  usual.   his  meds  stopped  working,  so  he  stopped  taking  them.   he  had  always  had  a  hard  grasp  on    𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲   and  things  just  seemed  even  more  blurred  than  usual.   some  days  were  easier  than  others.   but  maybe  if  he  told  sam    𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠   ,  she  could  help  him.   however,  she  was  just  too    𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝   of  a  person  that  she  would  probably  try  to  stop  him.   plus  she  had  a  part  to  play  in  all  of  this  too.   just  like  she  had  that  night.

    "    𝐢  𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝  𝐭𝐨  𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐬𝐞  𝐟𝐨𝐫  𝐭𝐡𝐞  𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭  𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞  𝐰𝐞  𝐬𝐚𝐰  𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡  𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫,    "   josh  admitted  softly,  knowing  the  last  time  sam  saw  him  was  a  particularly  bad  day,  he  couldn't  really  grasp  what  was  real  and  what  wasn't,  there  was  just  so  much    𝐧𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐞    and  he  didn't  know  what  to  listen  to.   she  probably  had  just  thought  he  had    𝐝𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐤   too  much.   but  he  had  stopped  drinking  since  that  night,  not  that  anyone  would  believe  that,   "   i  was  completely  out  of  line  and  you've  been  nothing  but  amazing  since  this  all  happened,    "   he  wasn't  lying.   sam  had  been  there  for  him  more  than  anyone  else,  more  than  his  own  parents,  more  than  the  others,  even  more  than  chris.   chris  checked  in,  but  chris  was  so  hooked  on  trying  to  get  with  ashley,  he  didn't  have  time  to  see  if  his  best  friend  was  okay.   but  sam?   she  had  been  an    𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥   in  disguise,  always  there  when  he  needed  her  and  in  some  ways,  he  really  did  feel  like  she    𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐝   better  than  anyone  how  he  must  be  feeling.   he  lost  his  sisters  and  she  lost  her  best  friend,   "   you're  the  only  one  who  really  understands  me,  especially  after  everything  that  has  happened  and  i  shouldn't  be  trying  to  push  you  away,    "   he  wasn't  lying,  at  least  he  hoped  that  he  wasn't  because  she  did  understand  him  and  he  sometimes  found  himself  thinking  if  things  were    𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭   ,  what  would  things  really  look  like  between  him  and  sam?   who  knows?   stranger  things  have  happened,  it  could  still  be  their  future.   but  for  now,  he  had  one  thing  on  his  mind,   "   did  you  know  it's  nearly  been  a  year?   a  whole  year  without   .   .   .   anyway,  i  was  thinking  that  maybe  instead  of  it  being  this  really  depressing  ordeal,  we  get  the  whole  gang  back  together  and  go  to  the  lodge   .   .   .   we  can  just  use  it  as  a  chance  to  celebrate  instead  of  being  sad,  ya  know?   party  together,  try  and  have  some  fun.   i  know  it's  what  hannah  and  beth  would've  wanted.   what  do  you  think?    "