#especially re: S5

[911-on-abc]

the second they made buck bi i watched the whole show for the first time, took a week, finished just before the latest episode came out. this obviously means i do not know my first thing about anything, most theories and fanon storylines included. what is the most important stuff that i need to know? the more deranged and delusional the better 🌸

oh LORD buckle up anon!! but also... hi!! Welcome!!! I'm so glad that ur here and that you've enjoyed the show enough to (hopefully) stick around!!!!

Full disclosure, I've only started watching 911 since season 6, so there are years of fandom lore/drama that I'm not even aware of. I really recommend checking out blogs such as @captain-hen @gracieryder @maygrcnt who have been around here MUCH longer (I'll tag more people in the morning) & follow @911bts who keeps track of literally EVERYTHING 911.

Okay, 911blr 101 is couch theory. What is couch theory you ask? well, it all starts at the beginning of S6 when Buck's couch (or lack there of) was used as a metaphor for Buck's romantic relationships. In S5, when Taylor moved into Buck's apartment replaced Buck's couch (that he got with Ali) with her own. When Buck and Taylor broke up, she took the couch with her, leaving Buck couchless. The connection between girlfriends and couches first comes up during a conversation with Buck, Eddie, and Christopher. Buck's struggle to find the 'perfect' couch reflects Buck's struggle to find the perfect person to partner up with. At the end of the episode, Buck decides to move his armchair where the couch used to be, signifying that he is trying to become comfortable with himself outside of a relationship.

Then we get to the start of S6b. Buck's parents come to town, Buck gets struck by lightning (as one does), and his parents buy him a new couch. There is probably some metaphor there about family and blah blah blah, but that doesn't matter because the couch is uncomfortable and Buck can't sleep on it and everyone keeps bothering him, and who does Buck run to? He runs to Eddie. And then he falls asleep on Eddie's couch.

and like this is a big fucking deal. because it shows that he is comfortable with Eddie! he feels safe in Eddie's home! he is more safe and comfortable on Eddie's couch than he is on his own and Eddie welcomes him there!! and couch = romantic relationship, so falling asleep on eddie's couch = relationship with Eddie???? There is another scene in S6 where Christopher falls asleep on the couch and people are like!! we are connecting the dots! (we were not connecting the dots)

and then!!!! the Kameron gives birth on Buck's couch and the couch is ruined and then y'all never guess what happens. In one of the last scenes of s6 Buck asks his brand new love interest Natalia if she wants to go couch-shopping and everyone is like WTF???? aren't we past this?? didn't we just have this conversation about NOT buying a couch with ur gf at the beginning of this season???

uhhh this explanation was NOT supposed to get this long. okay, let's speedrun this shit. The Christmas Elf!! Very important!! OG Buddie Queen!! Buck Navy Seal AUs (ugh. he literally talked about how he was too emotional for the Seals I hate this AU so fucking much!!) everyone is fucking irrational about the lawsuit arc, just filter that shit out. eddie = gay and/or demisexual. buck = christopher's second dad. literally, everyone is bisexual. Chimney? bi. Bobby? bi. Maddie? bi. is this canon? no, except for in my heart. there is SO much that I am missing. but if u are still reading this drop ur favorite/least favorite fanon theories in the chat and drop the @'s of some good blogs to follow. OH!!! ALSO!!! do NOT trust Tim (the showrunner) that man LIES!!!

[lone-berry0]

Admittedly I didn't really like the finale at first, I think I was mostly confused and still processing everything that just happened. But after thinking on it a bit and seeing discussions like this I am understanding it a bit better and why the writers made the choices they did. And while there are some things I don't particularly like, I understand that I just need to be patient and see how things play out since everything probably will make more sense as the story continues.

I do agree things work better with Chat Noir not being in the final battle, and while I do wish he was at least in the episode in some way, I can see how that would take focus away from Ladybug and Hawkmoth's battle (very much an important part of Marinette's character arc) and just wasn't really needed.

Honestly I think my take on the "Chat Noir was not there in the final battle" comes down to the fact that I kind of just don't think a satisfying final battle between Chat Noir and Monarch was actually possible.

I read a lot of fic, for example, and I've read the scenario play out a lot of times in a ton of ways and I've never been fully convinced of it tbh (and not because they weren't great fic!!). It seems just completely traumatic for Adrien in a way that the scenario inherently cannot properly focus on, because it's all happening in the middle of an action scene and Adrien is too busy being Mid-Battle to properly have a cathartic breakdown about it all. I mean, Chat Blanc already showed us what would happen if he did have a breakdown mid-battle (and why wouldn't he?). And though it'd be fun to have a big triumphant moment of him defeating his abusive father, Adrien simply isn't a character who would find that scenario triumphant, or cathartic, or anything other than viscerally traumatic.

Also, I agree that it's unfair that Chat Noir was not present— like it was unfairly tilted in Ladybug's favor— but I don't think it'd be fair if he was present, either. Because Marinette is, in fact, the main character. The main character whose character arc is primarily focused on her finding her footing as a hero and discovering all the responsibilities that come with that power (as opposed to Adrien, whose character arc is moreso about freedom and identity). And let's face it, in a fight between Ladybug and Chat Noir and Monarch, nobody would be focused on Ladybug at all. It's not about her. It's not her fight. She'd just be there as moral support and an extra set of hands, which really doesn't work for her character arc at all and is completely unfair to her!

Basically, it would just be Chat Noir temporarily acting as the main character and having the worst time of his life in the most un-cathartic battle for him possible left completely traumatized with Ladybug in the background awkwardly trying to comfort him after the fact? And then the season ends? And then the next season presumably goes back to Ladybug being the main character? After a time-skip to the new school year? It's just an ending that I feel like is a lot better in theory than actually on paper. And you can probably make an argument for ways that it could be made to work, where it would enhance Ladybug's story in a meaningful way where she still feels like the main character, and would somehow be triumphant for Chat Noir despite it probably being the worst moment of his life, and somehow not make the rest of the series following feel like bonus content as opposed to a continuation of the story...... but, I dunno. I think it's a lot easier said than done.

The fact of the matter is, I've always been waaayyyy more interested in how the aftermath of Gabriel's defeat affects Adrien than the battle itself. Post-Hawkmoth defeat is one of my favorite types of fic for a reason, and it's because the aftermath can be so juicy, especially for Adrien as a character. I think whether or not Adrien is actually there in the battle itself has always been kind of irrelevant to me, because no matter how Gabriel is defeated, his defeat will have immense repercussions on Adrien's life going forward. And the way they did it, Marinette is now a part of it in a more active way, too. Which is good for her character!

( Also, if he was there to triumphantly defeat Gabriel, would that mean he would just.... watch his father die? of cataclysm? a-and.... nathalie would just.... die, too? so he'd have three dead parents after all that? who he watched all die (or, in emilie's case, saw her corpse)? or is this a scenario where MONARCH BEATS CHAT NOIR and still makes the wish? is that cathartic? for Adrien to lose to Gabriel? Frankly, I loved seeing Gimmi and The Wish, it's been teased for so long that I was expecting it, and I loved the fact that Nathalie got to live as her narrative reward for coming to her senses and trying to murder Gabriel with a crossbow. I like that we got to watch a full season of Gabriel painfully dying to a cataclysm— poetically inflicted on him by Adrien, but of Gabriel's own doing. I like that Nathalie has presumably adopted Adrien after having an arc of her trying to be a parent to him once she realized nobody else would, that's so much more interesting than any other alternative. I just don't see how all of these things, some of my favorite things that season 5 gave, can still all exist at once with Chat Noir present in the final battle in any way that's satisfying. )

[aureatchi]

⋆ ☽˚｡ 𓂃 ࣪˖ AND THAT DAY THAT WE’LL WATCH THE DEATH OF THE SUN . . . ft. FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY

⟢ PRÉCIS. restless at an hour far too late to be awake, you take a quest to the personal library lit only by warm-toned ambient lamps and candles. however, you are greeted by one who chastises you to rest, and despite his pretty face you remain stubborn. in turn, he takes up a mission on his own; one that he alone will always win: to coax you to sleep.

◞ OR fyodor knows time is limited. if only you realized this was his labyrintian way of saying au revoir for now.

ᡴꪫ a/n. it’s always his lap. been thinking about this scenario for awhile + re-inspired by the friends who played with my hair this week hehe. it makes me feel so sleepy. started to cope with ch113. :’) i hope this is decent ᡣ𐭩

ᡴꪫ info. fem!reader. fluff; sweetly suggestive in one part…and then hit with a train of angst; i warned u. soft fyodor. comfort/hurt ↻. religious imagery. it’s u trying to get him to sleep too. both poetic and shakespeare ramblings. bsd manga chapter 113 + s5 finale spoilers. russian may be incorrect. ﾉ wc. 3.1k+

“Is there anything you find more powerful than manipulation?” 

Seated on the armchair across from yours, the ravenette took a sip of tea from his mug before setting it down. A bantering parley had taken place in between you two, filled with giggles and smiles, but in a moment without thought, you had brought up a more serious topic. 

“Actually, yes,” he responded. 

“A woman’s intuition.” You didn’t miss how his gaze slightly lowered. “The woman’s gut feeling is superior. If a man were to try manipulating her, she would know. No matter how naïve she was, the body would give her a single signal that could unravel his entire disposition at the fingertips.” 

You discreetly smiled, looking down at the mug. You knew Fyodor was referring to his experience with you. At one point in time, he tried to finesse you in schemes of calamity. But in response, you ruined him—he would dare not admit out loud that you had forcefully taken whatever mess his heart was and sewed it back together with the strings of your own soul. You did so without ever realizing either. After so many years on this earth, even he did not know how to mend himself. 

Now, he could only look at you as being the single thing that didn’t go wrong in the wasteland of the world. The ravenette almost considered you not of the world—you were as divine as the angels, after all. Perhaps it was his excuse to add along another duty the Father had commissioned to him—Fyodor would assure your safety and happiness through the rest of time—even once he got his hands on that book. 

Because if not plans that surged through his mind, it was his most cherished memories of you. 

…

Even though the room wasn’t too hot and the bed wasn’t uncomfortable, you could not go to sleep. You had tried counting sheep in your head for hours, but you still ended up awake well past midnight and had enough sheep for dozens of herds. 

You turned over in annoyance before you finally sat up. You didn’t understand why you felt such unease—maybe you drank your coffee too late in the day. A bad decision at that. 

You tapped the other side of the bed for a final check. Empty. Fyodor was still up. You would visit him in the office later, but for now, you’d give him the privilege of being unbothered. You decided on another place to visit—somewhere that would calm you down so perhaps you could finally catch slumber. 

The personal library. 

It was the coziest place, especially during the late hours of the evening, where the lights were warm and dim, not too hard on the eyes. Where the shelves were packed with literature and knowledge permeated the room with its philosophy. Fyodor annotated everything—so most books were scribbled in almost illegible cursive Russian. You always told yourself if you didn’t start to learn his lingo, you would be locked away from the library’s secrets forever. 

You tiptoed down the hallway until you reached the door at the end. You were thinking of picking up one of William Shakespeare’s tragedies and reading until either you fell asleep or the sun rose. You prayed it wasn’t the latter—though restless, you were exhausted too. And you didn’t want to suffer the consequences the next day. 

However, you were surprised to see the door already narrowly open. The lights were on and the candles were lit, too—was Fyodor not in his office? He seldom worked anywhere else and would always go to you as soon as he finished. 

You peeked through the slight crack in the door. He was indeed there—your lover’s back turned towards you, capturing all his charming enigma. How the man carried himself with the poise and elegance of a white dove, despite starting wars among nations. His mouth spoke of divinity while he ravaged the harmony of life with his hands. It was fitting; Fyodor was a juxtaposition in himself—you knew this, and so did he. 

“You can come in.” A second of pure silence passed before you opened the door to step inside. Not even a single noise was made, and yet, he recognized your presence. 

Almost shyly, you shuffled towards him. You did not plan for Fyodor to catch you—you were still in between deciding whether going inside was worth his lecture. 

Because although the handsome workaholic stayed up until absurd hours of the night, he did not want you following his ways. 

You circled the lounging area until you were in front of him, who closed the journal he was writing in. 

“Lyubov, why are you still awake?” he asked. 

Usually, you only stayed up out of anticipation in waiting for his return—whether from a mission or just to the bed. You were so stubborn that Fyodor would actually halt his work for a few days after being gone for awhile to sleep with you so that he was sure you were resting properly.

It was different this time. He had been home for the whole month, and despite being in his office for the majority of this week, you didn’t have any problem with going to bed without him until now. 

You shrugged with a quiet, “I’m not sure.” You eyed the unfamiliar journal. “Are you still working?” 

“Sort of,” Fyodor replied. “Would you like some chamomile tea? That will help.” 

You shook your head. “What do you mean ‘sort of?’ Last time I checked, you were either working or not.” 

“It’s not any more important than addressing the current problem at hand,” he calmly dejected the topic, leaving you confused. 

“What’s the current problem?” 

“You’re awake. You shouldn’t be at this hour.” 

“Well, now that I’ve found you here, I don’t think I can return to bed unless you come with me.” You dramatically yawned before stepping closer to him.

“Let’s go sleep, Fedya.” You tried dragging him up by the arm, but he stayed sat on the armchair, much to your disdain. 

“I cannot, I’m not done yet,” Fyodor replied. As you froze, he took your hand in his and brought you to his lap. 

“However, you must sleep.” He let you shift so that you were comfortable. “You came here to read?” 

“Yeah,” you replied as he handed you a book. What a mind reader Fyodor was—you were presented with The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. It would be the perfect reread. 

“Why this play?” you tested. 

“The pile of books you never put back on the shelves over there shows you’ve been reading a lot of tragedies lately,” he nodded towards the stack of books you read this week. “I thought you’d probably be in the mood for one by none other than the master of catastrophe.

“Plus, it’s fitting for you, too,” he added, voice a bit lower as he fidgeted with the hem of your shirt. “You’re so dramatic.” 

“Hey!” You pouted, moving away from him, pretending you were insulted. Though you knew too that further proved his point. 

“Maybe we should act it out,” you joked as you scanned through the pages to find a poem you were familiar with. “Act two, scene two.” 

“Hamlet’s letter to Ophelia,” Fyodor recalled. 

“Doubt thou the stars are fire;

“doubt that the sun doth move; 

“doubt truth to be a liar; 

“but never doubt I love.” 

“Dlya neye, v iskrennosti,” you squinted, reading the little note by the quote you did not understand. The Russian laughed at your terrible pronunciation. 

“Some scholars say that Hamlet used his words toward Ophelia as a manipulation tactic,” he stated. “He had a larger strategy at hand, and he rarely mentioned her unless she was on stage, with the exception of her death. If he harbored such a profound love for her, would Shakespeare not make it more direct? What do you think?” 

You contemplated for a few seconds, eyes drifting amongst the shelves of books as you felt your lover behind you gently run his fingers through your hair. 

“I think Shakespeare didn’t give us clarity for a reason. I’d like to believe Hamlet did love Ophelia. The story does not revolve around romance, after all—it revolves around revenge. A man with ambitious plans would not have love at the forefront of his head. Or, he wouldn’t speak aloud about it, at the least. Perhaps he was more reserved about that aspect of his life, too—he could’ve been shy to speak about it in front of all aristocracy—like you, for example.”

You giggled with a shrug, expressing your last phrase as lighthearted, but you still earned a slight frown from him. It was amusing that the nationwide terrorist was timid in everything concerning his love life. 

“Obviously, it could be taken as manipulation, too,” you continued. “But again, it’s not stated upfront for a reason. Shakespeare mirrors the complexities of a person in real life. You never quite know the truth of other people, no matter how much you think you know them.” 

Fyodor nodded, satisfied with your interpretation. “I wholly agree. It is why Shakespeare is enticing to many—he creates characters that simulate life’s universal themes and relatable human emotions when reacting to those situations. I only disagree with one point you made.” 

“Which one? You being shy?” you asked. He shook his head with a smile. 

“Perhaps I will reward you with that knowledge if you sleep.” He chuckled when you groaned in disappointment. 

“How about you just do your work while I read? Then, when you finish, we can leave together.” 

“If it were that easy. You’re a distraction, milaya.” 

You rolled your eyes. “No, I promise! I originally came here to read anyway—I won’t distract you this time.” You moved to one side of Fyodor’s lap so he would have space to do what he wanted. 

He did not answer you, instead making a quiet “tsk” when his fingers caught on a tangle in your hair. Fyodor worked to gently separate the knot. The terrorist was a perfectionist, but the mindset further stemmed past reaching twisted goals to create a world without flaws. Three spoons of jam in his tea, faint scratches on a deck of cards, and ensuring he had the satisfaction of reaching the ends of your hair with his fingertips were a few details he keenly paid mind to. 

You took his silence as a comply, and started to play out the tragedy of the Danish prince in your head while your lover brushed through your locks. Eventually, he picked his journal back up and continued to write information you paid no mind to.

…

You did not know how much time passed before you felt your eyes grow heavy. The faint ticks of the clock on the wall combined with the warm candlelight’s glow drew you to slumber. You closed Hamlet and shifted positions until you ended up straddling Fyodor. You buried your face in the crook of his neck until you could see nothing but dark. 

“Sonnyy?” 

He started stroking his fingers through your hair again, relaxing you even more. 

“Lublu tebya, kak angel boga, kak roso lyubit solovey. S toboy vremya ostanavlivaetsya, yi ya zhivu lish mgnoveniam ryadom s toboy.” 

However, the sounds of seconds passing by and intimate lighting adorning the room could not compare to the persuasion of your lover’s voice in his mother tongue. Foreign words spilled from his lips as rich as velvet, as soothing as a lullaby. If his voice, in general could put you in a trance, here he harbored the garden serpent’s master of temptation itself. Even if you did not understand him. Worst of all, he knew this. You had fallen into his trap long ago.

“Ya boudou skucha—what are you doing?” 

You were drowsily planting kisses on his neck. You stopped once the room became silent and looked up, catching his half-lidded amethyst gaze. The conjurer’s expression was for once softened—or perhaps it had been the entire time you were with him. It was a gift only you were blessed with. 

You smiled, a tad smugness in your look, before sitting up and giving him a shy peck on his lips. 

For a few seconds, you were both frosted in that moment of time—his hands wrapped around your waist, massaging circles onto your skin under your shirt as you straddled his own, your eyes fixated on his almost surprised, slightly flustered violet stare. The candles illuminated the room in such a way that made you think it was really only you two who existed in the world—your two souls someplace faraway where nothing else mattered but the sounds of your heartbeats and what you would do next after his mouth slightly parted. You were the most beautiful thing Fyodor had laid eyes on, throughout eras of people. 

You kissed him for the first time that night, and the ravenette kissed you back. It escalated to become sloppy—you were both too exhausted to care whether your lips were on his or if they instead trailed down to trace his jawline as sharp as those of the greek gods. Or when you were back on your lover’s neck—however, this time almost sucking, mesmerized by how easily you could bruise him. You did not need to wear lipstick to create deep red marks on Fyodor’s pale skin. 

“I told you that you’d end up being a distraction.” 

You shivered at cold fingertips dancing across your lower abdomen, though they were still quite far from anywhere you wished. You winced when Fyodor bounced you up in order to fix your position, but it offered a different effect. 

“Careful,” he warned. “That spot is visible to others.” 

Being the leader of the Rats in the House of the Dead and member of organization Decay of Angels placed the Russian at a high status in the underground world. He always restricted the places you could leave visible traces of affection on him whenever he had a new operation in front of him—Fyodor was one to uphold modesty. 

You sighed softly before disconnecting your mouth from his neck, only to unbutton the top half of his shirt. 

Like his hands, the demon’s heart was cold. He bore at least some sense of insensitivity to death—he had to; granting silence was part of his duty. However, something about you ignited a fire in him out of nothing, out of no help amidst ice—you were not given a flame nor torch to aid you.

If he was the one to destroy the world to pay the price of ridding sin, you were the one who rebuilt creation from the ground and up. You were unfazed by the city ruins; you were unfazed by Fyodor Dostoevsky, the man most feared in the world. A duality: to them, his hands soaked in crimson blood, but to you, they clasped around yours in adoration.

And since he’d met you, his heart was filled with the foreign warmth of love. Accompanied were trust, vulnerability, and your sweet, honey-like kisses that you littered all over his broad shoulders and chest, because he deserved love everywhere. 

He whispered against your ear, promising he would indulge you more another day, when you weren’t so sleepy. When both he and the moon had a little more time in the sky, was what he didn’t say. At the same time, he took a free hand to slowly guide your eyes to close, hovering barely above your eyelashes. 

You complied, with no more complaints, as he kissed you on the forehead. 

…

As Fyodor carried you down the hallway to the bedroom bridal-style about half an hour later, you dozed into dazy consciousness once again. 

“You have…another mission, hm?” you whispered, recalling the preceding hints he had given you. 

“Yes,” he quietly replied, walking into the dark bedroom. He tucked you under the covers before getting in right beside you. 

“Truly, why were you in the library?” you asked, getting out your final curiosity before you fell back to dream. 

“I did have a ‘sort-of’ job,” Fyodor replied. “Taking care of you. I was aware you’d show up.”  

“Please stay safe, Fedya.”

…

You knew something was off with the thunderstorm that came several weeks later. A vampire apocalypse—however fictitious that sounded—was happening back in Japan, but Fyodor kept you overseas at where you two stayed before departing. 

You didn’t ever touch his plans, but your mind finally processed how every event leading up until now seemed so wrong. The month-long stay—Fyodor had never done that before. The week you decided to read tragedies—you felt one even worse than those acted out in the theatre was coming. That night you stayed up—your gut was already screaming that he was about to depart again. 

And how this time would be different than before. Your intuition had warned you, yet you still fell asleep and let him leave. You stood before the journal the conjurer made sure caught your eye that night. With shaky hands and heavy rain beating down on the windows, you flipped through the pages. Confusion and tears formed in your eyes at the vague implication of what was written. 

Do not worry yourself with the death of all things that are seen and unseen by you. It is not an end, but the start of all things that are left to do. 

Rodnaya, you asked what I did not agree with concerning your thoughts about Hamlet loving Ophelia. Have you ever considered a man having both love and ideals at the forefront of his mind? Isn’t love a dream itself? 

…

Fyodor swore this when he judged how all could go wrong in the next step of his plan. Prior to meeting you, the calculating, confident smirk he always had on his face was authentic, and he simply assumed he would never fall to a mistake. 

But now the plans were adjusted to work around you; the schemes all ended to benefit you, too. If he misjudged something, not only would it fail the perfect world God deemed it to be, but it would also affect you through and through. 

Perhaps that was why he only almost saw you as an angel no matter how much you resembled one—no, you were far more glorious than one. You were human—so human that instead of looking down at him from above, you came down onto tainted soil and blessed him with a piece of heaven. Real empathy that now made him think of you as he sat with a rod pierced through his torso in the escape helicopter, doomed to death. 

You truly did ruin him. 

…

“Is there anything you find more powerful than manipulation?” 

And Sigma wondered how such a man so immoral and cruel actually loved someone else. As he searched through the demon's memories, he realized he must go much further back in time to find any helpful information for the brunette ability-nullifier who assigned him. 

Because if it was not anything relating to his plans that showed up through his search, it was every memory of you.

translations: (please pardon me if they’re bad, :’) correct me if you are fluent and would like to!)

dlya neye, v iskrennost : for her, in sincerity

sonnyy : sleepy

lublu tebya, kak angel boga, kak roso lyubit solovey. : i love you like an angel loves God, like a nightingale loves a dew.

s toboy vremya ostanavlivaetsya, yi ya zhivu lish mgnoveniam ryadom s toboy. : with you, time stops, and i live only for moments next to you.

ya boudou skucha[t po tebe] : i will miss you.

i heard if you rb, fyodor will come back to life. :’) reblogs are cherished; they are what support me the most. <3

someone should’ve warned me about hozier. only started listening to him last month and i…can’t stop.

© 2024 AUREATCHI. no reposts or translations. do not steal. support banner + gradient line by benkeibear. animated line by benkeibear. manga header mine.

[cookinguptales]

So… I’ve been turning all this over in my head since last night, and I wanted to make a post about vampiric transformation as sex, and how it’s being used in wwdits as a metaphor for sexual repression, sexual freedom, virginity, and cuckolding.

Before I even get into the obvious metaphors about virginity and cuckolding, I think we need to talk about the elephant in the room. Guillermo’s sexual repression and how that’s come to find an outlet in his vampiric longing.

Guillermo is highly repressed, sexually speaking, but I don’t think he’s asexual. He’s shown interest in sex several times, but in an uncomfortable “this can’t be for me yet” kind of way. He was clearly raised Catholic and has internalized a lot of that shame re: sex, especially gay sex. He wants intimacy, but he’s also internalized the idea that wanting these things is dangerous and shameful.

But… the vampiric world seems to symbolize all the things that Guillermo wants but cannot have. He wants to be strong, powerful, attractive, and sexually liberated. As much as their openness about sex embarrasses him, there’s a certain longing there, too. He didn’t just want to be handsome as a vampire — he explicitly used the word “sexy.”

A vampiric Guillermo is a version of Guillermo that gets to have sex. Loudly, proudly, and without shame. It’s a version of him that is wanted, that wants, and who gets to have the precise kind of intimacy he's always craved.

Now, how much Guillermo has actually done sexually is still up for a lot of debate in fandom, but I think that’s kind of immaterial. For most of the show, Guillermo clearly wasn’t having the kind of intimacy that he wanted to be having, and he only started to even begin to allow himself to seriously consider all that in s4, when he got a boyfriend and came out to his family.

As being gay and wanting to be a vampire. 

Guillermo is finally starting to own both his homosexuality and his vampiric life, and that means he’s finally starting to explore sex.

Now… At the end of s4, I talked about how Guillermo going to Derek in the finale had the air of a person who’d been fantasizing about losing their virginity in a certain way all their life — but then they finally give up on those dreams and hire a sex worker instead. There’s a resignation there in Guillermo that he couldn’t get it “the old-fashioned way,” he’s disappointed and jaded when it comes to intimate relationships, and now he’s tired of waiting for love and just wants a business transaction.

I wasn’t quite expecting for them to push that metaphor even more in s5! The money aspect was almost forgotten (Did… Derek even take the money? Why is he still cleaning toilets?) but the scene with Derek biting Guillermo was clearly a metaphorical virginity scene.

Guillermo’s nervous eagerness, his growing realization that this wasn’t actually the way he wanted it to happen. Asking Derek if he’d ever done this before and figuring out if he was “ready.” Taking off his clothes (that his grandmother got for him, even, that’s a whole meta post right THERE) and trying to make the vibe “right.” His insistence that though Nandor had never done this for him, they still had a caring and intimate relationship.

But… it was also a metaphor for bad sex. Many people lose their virginity in a way they don’t find satisfying, and Guillermo definitely seems to fall in this category. It was awkward, it was bloody, it hurt, his partner didn’t listen to him, they weren’t on the same wavelength, they didn’t connect, there was no emotional bond, and most importantly, he didn’t feel changed.

Like a lot of people do, Guillermo thought losing his virginity would change him. He’d be cooler, sexier, more powerful. His station in life would change. He’d become an adult his ideal form. But he’s still just Guillermo.

As he told Laszlo, as soon as he did it, he regretted it. He immediately knew that he’d been right, that this wasn’t the way he wanted to do it. He wanted to do it with someone experienced who loved and cared about him, who listened to him, and he wanted that person to be Nandor. But he wasn’t patient, he paid an inexperienced acquaintance for a one-night-stand instead, and he was left feeling deeply unfulfilled.

Most upsettingly, he immediately discovered that, like virginity, you can’t lose it twice. He can’t just have a do-over with Nandor now. He’s given something up that he can’t give to anyone else, and he’s going to have to live with the consequences.

Because like sex for humans, transformation has social implications in the vampire world. It can only be done in very specific situations. Guillermo seems to have grown up in a human world where sex should only be happening within a heterosexual marriage, and now he’s finding that in the vampire world, transformation is only supposed to happen between a master and familiar currently in a contractual bond.

So… him going to Derek and finding “outlet” in another relationship, so to speak, is effectively vampirically cuckolding Nandor. He’s given that honor to another vampire, which Nandor seems to find both vampirically humiliating and personally hurtful. It would in fact hurt him so badly that he would probably not survive it, in Laszlo’s words.

(There’s also definitely an element of an abusive “if I can’t have you, no one can” vibe in Nandor’s threat to kill Guillermo and then himself if Guillermo got what he needed from another vampire, but since when have we ever liked them well-adjusted?)

Guillermo is realizing that, as much as he’s been thinking of this in sexual terms, so have the vampires. He thought he was the only one who thought it was a big deal. He thought he was the only one placing intimacy and partnership and loyalty into this event. But now he’s realizing that as much as it meant to him, it might have even been a bigger thing for Nandor.

For Guillermo, vampirism-as-sex represents the idealized transformational aspects of losing your virginity. He’d built up this big event in his mind that represented his intimate bond with Nandor, he’d built up this idea that the event would change him, would make him better, would make him free. But he’s finding, like many first-timers do, that sometimes it’s not transformational. It’s just awkward and disappointing and the only thing that’s changed is that you ache in the morning.

He still doesn’t have the intimacy he wanted. He still doesn’t have the ability to be loudly himself. He still hasn’t been able to fully own his sexuality and ask for what he wants. He wasn’t ready. He didn’t enjoy it. He regrets it.

He also regrets it because now he knows it will hurt Nandor and the relationship they’ve built. Because for Nandor, vampirism-as-sex represents the societal aspects of sex. The rules people follow. The societal humiliation you feel if you’re cuckolded. The personal agony you feel when you’re cheated on. The sense that your home is broken if your partner goes to find satisfaction with someone else.

Guillermo, who has had to deal with societal disapproval of his desired type of sex in the human world his whole life, was viewing vampiric transformation as a way to be free of all that. The shame and the repression and the societal penalties for being himself.

But he’s just found himself in a mess of new rules, hasn’t he? Different culture, same struggle. And while the vampiric world has always symbolized a sexual liberation that both repulses and attracts Guillermo, he clearly doesn’t have as much freedom here as he thought.

So… to sum up, Guillermo always kind of thought of transformation as losing his virginity. He associated vampirism with sex, and he thought this would be his entrance into the sexual world. He wanted to have an intimate experience with Nandor, but eventually gave up on that and decided to pay for it — and then immediately regretted it, both because he found it personally dissatisfying and because it came as a betrayal to the man he loves.

The problem is that he thought he was the only person thinking of it as sex — he didn’t realize that Nandor does, too, just in a very different way.

Nandor was also thinking of vampiric transformation as this special act, and one that belongs only to him as Guillermo’s master/partner. He was thinking of it in intimate terms, but also in societal partnership terms. He’s thinking of his household, while Guillermo was thinking of things on more individualistic terms.

If only they’d both talked about all this shit even once. :’)

But that’s not how we do things here in Staten Island!!! We just long for things ineffectively, keep secrets, and fuck everything up!

(There’s also a whole thing here about how Nandor wasn’t keeping his side of the relationship bargain and that’s why Guillermo looked elsewhere in a moment of weakness, but I guess that’s probably a separate post. This is long enough already.)

[extasiswings]

Okay but I’m fascinated by muay thai as a metaphor for queerness here. Eddie and Tommy both know how, and can practice together, but Tommy is on another level—he has a whole setup in his garage, his home, it’s an integrated part of his life. Buck, on the other hand, is on the outside. He doesn’t do muay thai with Eddie, he doesn’t know how. But Tommy says he can teach him, when the overall conversation and ultimate outcome (Tommy kissing Buck and opening his eyes to the fact that he’s into men) is a big signal that the real thing Tommy is here for is to be Buck’s guide through this queer journey of self-discovery.

Eddie is in between. He knows how, but it’s not an integrated part of his life the way it is for Tommy. Which tracks—Eddie in general is a master of compartmentalization. He keeps all the little pieces of him carefully siloed, never shall they cross. His queerness is no exception—he allows himself to embrace that piece of himself in specific ways, with specific people (the rituals are so very intricate, they really are), but the rest of the time he locks it away. Like coming back home after a quick trip to the gym.

I’ve been going back and forth since the shooting on the question of whether Eddie is aware of his feelings for Buck, because Eddie’s S5 arc especially was very queercoded. And I was thinking of that question as coextensive with “does Eddie know he’s queer?” But I think now that’s the wrong analysis—they are separate questions with separate answers—and after 7x04 (and the tease of 7x05) I think a) yes, Eddie absolutely knows he’s queer and is fine with it but tries to keep it separate from all the other pieces of him/the rest of his life, and b) he has not allowed himself to consider what if anything that means re: Buck. Eddie is all about control, and that’s what has enabled him to compartmentalize so well, but it’s like the guy from the call in the promo—you can’t control all of yourself all the time, you can’t keep yourself locked down that way, separated into smaller and smaller pieces, not allowing yourself to be your full self—eventually that separation will hurt you.

Buck is at step 1 of his journey. He’s just learning, Tommy is “teaching” him. And he’s about to drop a bomb in the middle of Eddie’s very carefully ordered life. Because if Buck is straight, it’s easy for Eddie to avoid ever having to examine his own queerness in connection with Buck. But if Buck is queer? If something is suddenly Possible in a way he assumed it wasn’t before? Then everything is different.

[hopecomesbacktolife]

pretty sure these gross trandoshans had a salt creature (a la the man trap) on their ship??

omg I just started a clone wars rewatch (have not seen most of these episodes since like. 5+ years ago) and literally episode 3 like HELLO DISTANT RELATIONS OF THE PURRGIL?!? :o :o

why are we fighting when we could be friending… I mean it makes the purrgil stuff in rebels very interesting bc. the empire still views them as menaces and it’s part of why everything with Ezra worked, and I know Anakin and even young!Ahsoka’s temperaments are different, but… part of me is just going

but what if friend! lol

[whateverisbeautiful]

Would love your thoughts on Sasha’s 5b assertion to Michonne, “you can’t help me. It worked out for you.” There is so much left unsaid and as you noted the actors killed the scene. I’d love to hear you unpack what was implied based on what Sasha (and others in TF) witnessed and how Michonne could have interpreted that pushback as she genuinely offered support and empathy. It still took some time for Michonne to “work up to” confronting her feelings about Rick. What do you think her initial response was to Sasha?

Thanks for asking! That was such a well-acted scene. And I wrote my thoughts below ⬇️💗:

I definitely think Sasha’s line about it working out for Michonne was Sasha acknowledging the family Michonne found with the Grimes. Once team family had all reunited after Terminus, I imagine that most of the group could tell that Rick and Michonne were different. Like they were always visibly fond of each other at the prison but by the time they were back with TF in s5 I think it was clear to everyone around them that whatever happened post-prison made Rick and Michonne family on a deeper level.

And I’d bet some of the more observant among them could even tell that Rick and Michonne loved each other on a deeper level as well. Some characters who I think probably peeped the Richonne love that was stirring ahead of time are Glenn, Sasha, Abe, and as many of us often say - Daryl been knew there was something between Rick and Michonne. 😋 Rick and Michonne had several Richonne bubble moments in front of the group - like their exchanges in that barn and their first night in ASZ so I think those are moments that definitely let Sasha know it worked out for Michonne in a way that it didn’t for her and Bob. 

It makes sense that Sasha would address it the way she did in saying that it worked out for Michonne because for Sasha, she lost two of her closest people on the road - Bob & Tyrese. And so while she still has people who love her it’s different than having your closest family with you. So when Sasha looks at Michonne she sees someone who doesn’t just have a general sense of family but her own personal family in Rick, Carl, and Judith. It worked out for her that the ones she loves most and who love her most are alive. 

Regarding Michonne’s response to Sasha saying that - Michonne's expression makes me interpret that Sasha’s words make her think and re-angle her perspective. As she shared, she’d been feeling asleep in ASZ and restless at the same time (which I really do think an element of the restlessness was connected to that “you’re okay, I’m okay” thing she has with Rick, so him really not being okay during this time had her feeling off as well).

If I remember correctly, Rosita noted how Michonne seemed to be wrestling with the fact that they found something. And that pull between being out there fighting the fight and living a domestic life of normalcy within safe walls has always been something Michonne has had to actively process and navigate. So I think she’d had so much on her mind with this adjustment to ASZ that hearing Sasha say it’s basically already worked out for her gave her pause and also got her to think about what she has from the outside looking in. A whole family.

Especially because Sasha probably doesn’t know of the family Michonne lost. So in Sasha's eyes, Michonne gained so much more than she has. I don’t think Michonne took it personally when Sasha pushed her away at that moment because Michonne would understand that Sasha’s frustration wasn’t with her at all. I think she still responded to her with empathy after that and probably maintained hope that just like she gained a personal family after losing one, Sasha could (and would) too one day.

[morganafayes]

i want to talk about the dark tower (5.06) because it is SUCH a frustrating episode for multiple reasons. it’s unique in that it’s one of the only morgana/gwen centric episodes in the entire series - and yet it ends up becoming a detriment to both of their characters’ development. this episode sucks not just because of the evil gwen plotline (which was terrible yes. we love the writers just removing her autonomy over and over again for no reason!) which resulted from it but also because the lost potential of it all - when this setup could have been easily used to create some of the most interesting plot lines for gwen (and morgana) in s5

like. sorry to say but would it be that impossible or insane for gwen to actually sympathise to some degree with morgana here without magical brainwashing. to me its not! the thing about gwen is that she's a morally driven character first and foremost. one of the main reasons she falls in love with arthur is because crucially, she sees him as a good person. she loves him for the values that she believes he upholds and his desire to do justice. it was same with lancelot - it's emphasised that she liked him because he's honourable and good. we also see that she values her morality and doing the right thing above her own emotions at times (re: her not wishing for uther's death even after he killed her father).

with that in mind, would it be that insane for her entire perspective on arthur and merlin (AND magic) to change because of morgana? firstly, gwen never finds out that merlin poisoned morgana. this is very important to me.... because although yes he didn't 'have a choice' (im not gonna get into all of that but i understand both sides of the argument. whatever) he still did something wrong. like. killing 1 or 10 people in the trolley problem still makes u a murderer. she has every right to hate him. he objectively betrayed her and took advantage of her trust. i feel as if gwen would sympathise with morgana and at the very least this would affect her opinion towards merlin to some degree, and make her realise he's hiding things (because she, like arthur, doesn't know half the shit he gets up to and does! she even less than him!). furthermore (and more importantly) i can absolutely see gwen sympathising with morgana against arthur to some degree too. like yes he's her husband but AGAIN she's someone who always puts her principles first and objectively arthur is upholding his father's legacy by continuing the oppression of magic users. he is textually an oppressor. in 5.13 its clear gwen doesnt fully distrust or hate magic from her conversation with gaius (although she might be suspicious of it considering her past experiences) so she would probably be very sympathetic and understanding if morgana were to explain to her what it was like to be a magic user under uther's reign. how demonised and oppressed they truly were and continue to be. like. she would absolutely still criticise and call morgana out for hurting innocent people but ultimately morgana's cause (despite it being not really true to what it claims to be) would be sympathetic. at the very least she would see that arthur is wrong, even somewhat, for continuing to uphold his father's legacy. especially because (as the writers seemed to forget for some reason.) of her extremely complicated relationship with uther in the past, considering he almost had her killed more than once and did in fact murder her father because of his obsession with banning magic. and now her husband is doing the same thing.

no of course gwen would not side with morgana at this point in the story. but she would understand her and sympathise and it would create such an interesting moment of character growth/conflict. it would make her question her marriage, the things she THOUGHT arthur and camelot stood for and whether those things are really true. it would make her doubt merlin's character and realise he's hiding so much more than she thought. it might make her distrust him or demand the truth. it might make her wonder what SHE wants to do as queen, as a ruler in her own right, especially if she starts to have ideological disagreements with her husband. there's literally so much that could have been done with her in s5 as fallout from just this one episode and they did the most boring thing ever and made it suck so bad. bbc merlin writers ur not seeing the pearly gates

[raayllum]

Re these prior musings / promises but speculation regarding the secret scene possibly being Claudia murdering Sir Sparklepuff got me wondering, so... let's talk about Rayla, Claudia, and symbolic to non symbolic notions of suicide.

Tw because this will mention / does talk about cannibalism, suicidal ideation, and suicide in passing. If you're not comfortable reading about those things in more detail but you still want the gist of this meta, scroll down to the TLDR that will have a couple sentence summary of the idea.

With that out of the way, let's get into it.

For a while now, I've been interested in the metaphorical mechanics regarding Rayla murdering Viren in 3x09. As we all know (even if Aaravos 'pretends' otherwise in 4x04), Rayla did successfully kill the man, retroactively achieving her earlier mission of killing a king of Katolis because he was responsible for both the death of the Dragon King and because he'd killed Zym (which Viren was in the process of doing).

However, Rayla kills Viren in the most Rayla-y of ways, as she does so without her assassin blades, while acting as the Last Dragonguard, and in a way that means killing Viren is not just an act of protection or revenge, but also something that meant sacrificing (killing) herself.

And this felt notable to me, since unlike either of the brothers, Rayla hasn't killed anyone else. Ezran would've burned people alive with dragon fire if not for immunity spell, and Callum blasted plenty of people off the side of the mountain and presumably to the Storm Spire. But Viren was the sole blood on Rayla's hands, even if the narrative has Claudia (and we'll get to her in a minute) resurrect him. Her one act of murder being something that also, as stated, required her to sacrifice her whole person, and is also in line with her assassin training: "I am already dead."

When Rayla rebuttals Ezran's assertion that "[You spared him] because you knew he was a person, just like you," you can read Rayla's assertion of "That shouldn't have mattered, I had a job to do," solely as her talking about the guard's personhood... but you can also read it, I think, as her dehumanizing her own personhood. She is a weapon and he is the target and that's all that should've mattered.

We can tether this thread all the way up to season four with Rayla's refusal to murder Callum, but put a pin in that, cause now I want to talk about Claudia.

Much like we can read Rayla's attempted dehumanization as twofold, I also think we can read Sir Sparklepuff's mimicry of Claudia as something with multiple layers. The first and likely most obvious one of course is that Sir Sparklepuff mimicking Claudia in earlier episodes is to setup later that he is her (magical, technical?) half-brother and one of Viren's children. Kind of like how we had Ezran and Zym mimicking each other in mid-S2 to set up their mental/emotional bond later that season.

And this implied connection likewise loops back around in the finale when Viren simultaneously refuses to sacrifice Sir Sparklepuff for his own survival while also lamenting that he's led (sacrificed?) his own daughter down a dark path (and perhaps regret that he sacrificed his son once, too).

Arc 2 has also ramped up Claudia's willingness to destroy herself further for the "good of her family" (and her own desires that often steamroll over theirs) in having her take on more and more animalistic forms when doing dark magic, blurring the lines between her de-personalization of magical creatures and also herself.

This reflects dark magic's cannibalism motif quite well, as Claudia carries on metaphorically cannibalizing her own body throughout most of s4 and especially s5: refusing to rest from Terry, using her own blood in spells, etc.

This all reinforces that while dehumanization was something Rayla struggled with for both her target(s) and to a lesser degree herself, it's something that Claudia has only continually excelled at. And we know, thanks to S4 with Rayla walking away from the drake in the woods ("We can't save everyone") that she's gotten better at it as well.

But what does this all have to do with symbolic suicide? Well...

If the secret scene is what a good deal of us have been speculating / that Claudia is covered in Sir Sparklepuff's blood in the teaser trailer, then: if Sir Sparklepuff is a stand in for Viren's innocent, made to be an asset, processing learned behaviour child - if he is a stand in for Claudia - then through killing him, Claudia is symbolically killing herself.

Now, there's no doubt in my mind that Claudia isn't viewing things that way, but we also know just how much she's willing to ruin herself for the people around her first hand, and how persistent that characterization has been: "Are you okay?" "You're going to be better now. That's all that matters." While Claudia also has some selfish, twisted self-preservation in there as well (she cannot or will not cope with the fracturing of her family, even when she really probably should), the self-destructive tendency that's led to her S6 spiral is well established.

This attitude of "it doesn't matter what happens to me, so long as other people are okay/safe" is something we see for many characters, of course, but I think is best embodied in Rayla's continual, emphasized thread of sacrifice / her tendency towards subtle but consistent passive suicidal ideation regarding her own safety and her own wants/desires.

R: Don't worry about my hand. The egg is all that matters. / It doesn't matter what happens to me. / I have to go after [Viren]. / It's agonizing, but I know our mission comes first.

This is important regarding her and Callum in regards to the possession plot line. As long as Callum is Callum (not possessed, or she has reason to believe he's still in there), Rayla likely won't be able to bring herself to kill him. This is from an emotional / characterization standpoint, of course, but from a thematic standpoint, we can see where it stems from Callum and Rayla continually being each other's main connection to their sense of identity.

As long as Callum is Callum ("you're the destiny is a book you write yourself guy"), he's worth saving. As long as Callum is Callum, she can be Rayla ("Rayla's brave. She saves people" / "Rayla. My name is Rayla, and I'm going home"). As long as she's Rayla, he can be Callum. Because if Callum isn't Callum, then he's dead, and if he's dead, she can kill him. And if Rayla kills him, if Callum is dead, then she won't be Rayla anymore. Because to literally kill Callum would be to simultaneously symbolically/emotionally kill herself.

Now of course, some of this is already differing wildly.

If Claudia is going to kill Sir Sparklepuff, it makes the most sense for it to have already come to pass in 6x01, whereas Callum and Rayla's plot line would only come later on in the season. Claudia will presumably succeed at her symbolic suicide, but that doesn't mean she's not still worth saving / unable to be saved in the future (perhaps by her family). Rayla will probably fail at her symbolic suicide and succeed at sparing herself through sparing/saving Callum.

However, it's an interesting symbolic thread and potential foil contrast, and I thought it was worth pointing out. I hope you think so too!

TLDR below:

Due to Claudia's parallels to Sir Sparklepuff, if she kills him it holds a layer of her symbolically killing herself. In contrast, Rayla's symbolic suicide would be in killing Callum, as that would destroy her own sense of identity/life. For Claudia, this means likely being saved later by her family, and for Rayla, this means likely sparing Callum and herself simultaneously, thereby saving and sparing both of them.

[regulusrules]

Ranking the best 10 Merlin episodes + a fic rec based on each one:

(absolutely not based on how gay they were) ((no order for the eps; they're all chef's kiss)) (((last two fics have a hold on me that levels the show itself; worth scrolling for)))

1. The Poisoned Chalice

Look. There is something just absolutely entrancing about introducing this episode in the first five of the entire show. Like, this hands-on was the sole reason everyone fell for those two idiots. It beautifully captured how the saving each other thing is reciprocal, because the first three episodes you just have to watch Merlin run around saving Arthur, never the reverse. Producing it early on in the show was the decision that, in my opinion, held everyone in their chokehold for eternity.

Fic rec: you are my favorite mistake (it can only be fate) by @multifandom-jess.

2. The Death Song of Uther Pendragon

I could go on and on for how this episode singlehandedly carried s5 on its shoulder. Like, okay I unfortunately love s5 with all my fucking heart, but this episode was perfect. Ghosts? Check. Banter? Check. POETRY?? Check check. A slap to Uther's face? Oh how beautifully checked.

It's so easy to recall how Arthur truly loved his father, but in this episode, the turmoil you see in his eyes from the actions of his father and how he resorts to saving the ones he loves (Merlin) over his father, is just too beautiful to be overlooked. Ever since Arthur became king, we see him struggle from his father's legacy. But in this episode, he begins to detach both consciously and subconsciously from him. Whether it's in his decision to save the old sorceress in the beginning, or to shun Uther's ghost, both the literal and the figurative, from his life any longer. This was one of the episodes that captured the true essence of King Arthur.

+1: the innuendos of this episode were 🤌. They knew what they were doing, you can't convince me otherwise. (are you threatening me with a spoon? / I'm teaching him some poetry.. he can't get enough of it! / what was that? h-horseplay. why don't I show you?)

Fic rec: My heart is readily yours by @regulusrules. (absolutely love how after all this introspection, i decided to throw it all away and made uther stab merlin in the fucking heart instead. but still it was my honourable attempt to shit on the finale and give them the happy ending everyone deserved).

3. The Sword in the Stone pt. 2

OKAY. This episode! Aside from how badass Merlin was in both pt.1&2, but here, especially in the part where us audience were impatiently waiting for the revival of the sword in the stone, there could've been nothing more perfect. Just like their adaptation of the round table scene, this was perfect in its own way for how different it was. They didn't make it so that people will finally find a king; they made it so that the people believe in their king. And more than that, for Arthur to believe in himself. With the estrangement and losing his crown, the writers gave him the best way to re-establish his inner glory. And Merlin being this guide; what more perfect culmination to their relationship?

You have to believe, Arthur.

Iconic.

Fic rec: Couldn't choose between Only Friend by @captain-ozone, and Fathom Me Out by @supercalvin. Brilliance ahead in both of them, I tell you.

4. The Eye of the Phoenix

Magic. Gwaine. Quests. Need I say more to explain that this was the show's holy trinity?

Fic rec: From Past to Present by flowersheep. (Prince Merlin. Archer Merlin. Perfection my friends).

5. A Servant of Two Masters

Look look; if there's an honourary wall of opinions for all the people who've watched Merlin, I DARE you to find just one who disliked this episode. Like, the series was so full of BS sometimes, but this episode was above all. The level of brilliance in this episode; showing Dark!Merlin, who's at the same time hilariously funny, and seeing him BAMF his way with Morgana, even when he's chained and tortured.. oh dear holy Lord. His "do me a favour, could you? let Arthur know." was able to steal all breath from my lungs the first time I saw it (and until now).

And don't get me started on the Protective!Arthur we got. Caring for Merlin, screaming for him when the rocks fell between them, silencing Agravaine immediately when he told him he's sorry for losing such a loyal servant because bullshit if he doesn't reign down hell before he loses Merlin. And ofc, Courage and Strength on their way to find Magic, which just filled my heart with an 'aaahhh!' moment, because we didn't get enough Gwaine-Arthur-Merlin shenanigans. And at last, the Hug™. Fucking screamed let me tell you.

It is an episode that truly showed everything; from comic elements to fluff and angst and everything. The only thing it lacked was, as always, giving Arthur the space to know. Because ffs what would they have lost if they made Arthur understand that Merlin's under Morgana's control? It wouldn't have exposed shit. It would've just been a plus to us to see Arthur caring for Merlin even more. They tried so hard that it completely backfired sometimes.

Fic rec: Still I Surface in Morning Light by @queerofthedagger. (I swear to you, anything written by this author, I readily throw whatever in hand to read it).

6. The Dragon's Call

Let thy gif caption speak.

No but really, that first episode was the stuff of legends. I could list down tens of tropes they did in just that episode alone. Honestly, no "family" show I've ever seen had started this powerfully. Just the music alone, the beauty of beginnings, not the CGI, was truly so gripping. Also bonus points for just Colin Morgan's sass abilities. None can compare.

Fic rec: This Time Around... series (incomplete) by Oneiric (lkdaswani). (this is a time travel AU, but the way the writer rewrote this episode was one of the best deviations I've read for an episode I already find near faultless).

7. The Sins of the Father

I might be subjecting myself to true wrath with my upcoming statement, but here we go:

S2 sucked.

From the beginning of the season, Arthur's shift in characterization from the honourable lovable prat of s1 to a letting Merlin act as a horse stool got me going wtf? It was like they deliberately ruined everything in their relationship and started out fresh just to force the Arthurian narrative of Arwen. And it's fine by me, truly, even if I'll never ship them, but they could've developed Arthur's character SO MUCH in that season beyond comic relief and romantic rendezvous.

Anyway so that I don't stray so much from the topic; this episode was, by fair comparison, the best in the entire season. By now it's pretty obvious that I gravitate towards all the episodes that give Arthur a semblance of agency. Him going against Uther and his maniac murderous agenda was the start of actually seeing King Arthur in front of us. Also, him listening to Merlin when he was on the verge of committing patricide was one of the things that gave me hope in how there's still hope in them. Even if they ruined it with making Merlin lie to Arthur, but the writers practically ruined every good episode with this.

+1: Morgause's intro was badass.

Fic rec: The Sins of the Father (and how to right them) by @cupcakezys. (what we deserved. to see arthur with agency, with an ability to decide for his future without being lied and deceived to).

8. Diamond of the Fucking Day

No matter how much I hate this episode, I can't, in good conscience, deny its hold on my heart. As I wrote before, there could've been no better magic reveal than this. And for all of my bitterness over their decision to kill Arthur, I sanely admit how it was a decision that insured the immortality of this fandom. It's been ten years since that episode aired, and I bet my ass off that it will still feel the same even after countless more decades.

Fic rec: literally the entirety of the fandom's fix-it fics. We all started from there, didn't we? Choosing only one would be so undervaluing to all the brilliance I've seen. However, my tags filter for it usually include: fix-it, angst with a happy ending, court sorcerer merlin, shitting on bbc writers 101, canon era, not canon compliant, everybody lives especially king arthur you mfs.

Update: I subconsciously took all these tags and wrote them in a fic

9. The Wicked Day

Throw me from the highest tower there is because every time I remember this scene, I just want to fade into the light. The sheer level of love and understanding shimmering between those two. Sometimes I marvel at the choice of bringing Colin and Bradley together, because no two could have achieved such chemistry, platonic or not, as those two did. This whole episode of showing Arthur's grief, and Merlin's desperation to heal it, was truly unforgettable. I try not to linger on its ending, Arthur denouncing magic for the millionth of time, but other than that it was a gem served to us on a silver platter.

Also seeing Uther finally die was a plus.

Fic rec: As much as I'd love to recommend my own fic for this, but honestly, whenever I get the chance, I will always take it to scream and wail about one of my absolute favourite fics of all time, which really isn't given ANY of the goddamn credit or attention or kudos it deserves. Beauty in the Ashes of Our Lives by Fulgance. I swear to you, you will never read something as beautifully heartbreaking as this. This fic resides in my mind rent-free. Basically any work by Fulgance is amazing, but this fic— oh God, my heart cannot take it sometimes.

10. Arthur's Bane pt. 1

Fuck, that episode was a masterpiece. You know, if it was all in my hands, I would've magic revealed at this particular episode. It was just.. the perfect opportunity. King Arthur in his glory, beginning of the season, enough time for Arthur to fully understand the depth of what Merlin did for him. Also, the range Arthur was given starting from here; God it's what we deserved. I always blame the writers for being inconsistent with his characterization (s2 and all), but they beautifully crafted it in the end, and it was their perfect chance to even explore the whole extent if only they made the magic reveal earlier.

Fic rec: Our broken pieces by @aramblingjay. Okay so this fic rec isn't necessarily linked at all to the episode, but I can't, in good conscience, recommend fics and not include it. Technically context wise it fits s5, for in it you see Arthur in his grandeur as king. This shall be my only exception because it's the only fic that was able to make me cry. Truly, I never shed tears, but in this, my heart stuttered. The fact that it is so unnoticed makes my blood boil because of how much praise it deserves. I can never recommend it enough.

To conclude, BBC Merlin has a powerful hold on everyone because of the fact that they knew how to eternalise it. It is significantly unique in its interpretation of legendary figures. I think I watched nearly all adaptations of King Arthur throughout the years, but even with how great some really are, to me none compare with this sword-swishing, banter-driven, CGI-messing, emotionally-killing 2008 show.

Honorary mentions:

| The Labyrinth of Gedref | Gwaine | Le Morte D'Arthur | Lancelot | The Coming of Arthur | The Moment of Truth | The Hunter's Heart | His Father's Son | The Darkest Hour |

[More fic recs]

[harmonicabisexuals]

i really think the house/cameron power dynamic was irreversibly shifted after their kiss in s03e15 "half wit". because before house always had the plausible deniability re: his feelings for cameron, especially since he pretty firmly rejected her on their disaster date in "love hurts". but, as cameron points out, he kissed back when he could have just as easily pushed her away. so now she Knows he feels Something for her at least, and he Knows that she Knows. so there's no longer a power imbalance because everything is out in the open and they understand each other, even though those feelings are still consciously unacknowledged. and i think that understanding colors every interaction they have for the rest of the show, but especially their moments in s4 and s5.

[henrysglock]

Oh my god I just read the theory collection...genuinely insane work. Probably gonna re read this a few times...but I need to know: how do you think tfs will play into s5 and the "full circle ending" play out?

This is a REALLY really good question, especially re: the time looping that also seems to be present in TFS. At the moment, I kind of think of time in ST-verse like this diagram of Earth and the Sun vs time/space:

The pattern loops in the same shape, we hit all the same "canon events" (in the way of "universe-breaking events" that must occur for everything to stay intact), but with one or more characters existing outside the bounds of time (see: Henward and the Mindflayer, possibly Brenner too). Things seem to change slightly with each loop, likely (imo) because someone remembers the previous loops and is trying to change things to achieve the "right" ending.

It's not sequestered to TFS, either. Evidence of this kind of meddling appears in filmed canon out the wazoo.

See also: UD Double Agent theory on how someone on the "bad" side is trying to make sure the "good" side wins every time.

So, to address your actual question:

I think, when we talk about "coming full circle", it might be in the way of finally making things go right so there's no longer a need to turn back the clock and meddle...or, in a more tragic sense, making it so that whoever's meddling is no longer capable of meddling.

Whether that be making sure that the Philadelphia project fails entirely, making sure Henry never encounters the Mindflayer, or making sure Will never goes missing...I can't say for sure. It could even, in an unlikely scenario, mean Will never coming back in 1983.

It could mean Henry being killed, or the Mindflayer being destroyed once and for all, so that the loop is forced to stop. It's either about undoing the traumatic events or putting an end to someone's suffering without undoing the events that are causing them suffering.

Generally, though, I think a "beautiful" ending that "comes full circle" is one where things are made right overall...which would mean addressing Henry (and Brenner, to a degree) as victims and creating a pattern of events that leads to the one of those infinite variations that Scott talked about right away in ST1:

Talk about full circle and beautiful, amirite?

[purble-turble]

so i was re-reading some of the prince red related stuff and came across the post about red still having friends from his disciple days under the goddess of Mercy; all of whom weren't fond of his relationship with mk.

anyway i was thinking maybe after the events of S5 and Red ending things with MK, he's naturally upset and calls on them for comfort. and thinking that he hates mk know there a bit more open and honest about there real feelings about his relationship with the monkie kid. maybe one gets a little too honest and admits that he couldn't understand reds taste in romantic partners cause he personally found mk unattractive

Yeah! The court of the Demon Bull King while he was sealed away was under the stewardship of Prince Red, and he turned it more into a monastery with the trappings of a royal court. His advisors were more like monks and many if not all were definitely friends of his from his time under Guanyin’s tutelage.

When the prince first started trying to win over MK, some of his friends were not especially pleased. They think the Monkie Kid just doesn’t seem like a good match for their prince, or they don’t like how he’s become distracted.. obsessed even with pursuing this boy. And the way Red keeps getting rejected over and over again certainly wouldn’t endear MK to the prince’s friends.

After the fight at the end of season 1, Prince Red straight up vanishes on them. He moves in with MK without a word back to the court.. Prince Red is too afraid of his parents to risk going back there, and DBK and PIF probably don’t even bother explaining either, too hurt and disappointed by their son’s betrayal to want to talk about it- especially to people they have no respect for like their pacifist son’s old friends… in fact, they probably don’t even go back to the Fiery Mountains palace. That place was run by their son who just abandoned them. They would retreat straight to the palace out in the desert and start to rebuild on their own. Prince Red’s friends are just left to wonder what happened by themselves.

Anyway, after Prince Red breaks up with MK after season 5, he isn’t sure where to go and ends up stumbling back to the Fiery Mountains palace and his old court. He’s probably too stunned to explain what happened in detail or why he left MK.. so his friends all just make assumptions and gather around to start trying to make him feel better by trash talking MK. Obviously the Monkie Kid broke his heart and telling the prince that that Noodle Boy was never good enough for him anyway! And he did so so much for him and never got enough in return and it wasn’t fair and he he wasn’t even that cute! …anyway, Prince Red is a little too stunned to properly take all this in. Obviously he disagrees with everything they’re saying, but he can’t really bring himself to speak. He probably just starts silently crying as they dog pile his ex-boyfriend.. god, MK is his EX-boyfriend now. It’s hitting him pretty hard that it’s really over.

He doesn’t even end up correcting them or trying to explain himself.. he just lets them take care of him, bringing him back home and putting him to bed so he can cry himself to sleep.

[byersbootyshorts]

Thin Walls (S.R.)

The team is exhausted. But with the inn they're staying at forcing them to pair up for the night, you and Spencer aren't so tired anymore.

Word Count: 2,212

EXPLICIT CONTENT MINORS DNI!!

Warnings: sub!s5!Spencer, fem!dom!reader, smut, unprotected sex, oral (fem recieving), mommy kink, praise kink, hair pulling, choking, language

he's looking at me ahaha

“Great work on this case everyone,” Hotch announced as you all entered the quaint inn you’d be staying in. “Now everyone, get some rest. The jet leaves at 6am sharp tomorrow.”

There was a chorus of groans as the team anticipated the early start they faced. After a moment the owners of the inn entered the lobby.

“I’m sorry, we only have four rooms available.”

“Uh, Four?” Spencer exclaimed.

“Well, I am not sleeping with Reid.” Morgan said from behind the rest of you.

“Dibs.” Garcia grabbed Morgan’s hand, causing the rest of you to laugh tiredly.

“I don’t think you have to worry about sharing a bed with Spencer anymore now that he’s otherwise occupied,” said Emily, smirking at you.

The team had only recently found out that you and Spencer were dating, and they had taken every opportunity to tease the both of you for it.

Eventually, you all got tired and decided to head up to your rooms. The room that you and Spencer would share was at the very end of the corridor, right next to Morgan and Garcia’s.

“Goodnight, my loves” Garcia yawned, using her key card to open the door.

“Goodnight,” you and Spencer uttered in unison.

“Try not to have too much fun in there, kid” Morgan laughed, hitting Spencer’s arm.

“Oh, shut up,” you replied before quickly opening the door to your own room and pulling Spencer inside.

The room was small and cosy with a bathroom attached. You kissed Spencer on the cheek and headed towards the bathroom to clean up. It had been a long day. And the inhumanly early start in the morning wasn’t improving your mood.  You showered quickly and changed into a baggy t-shirt and some underwear. When you re-entered the room you found Spencer lying on his stomach on the bed, reading as usual.

“I wish the team didn’t treat us differently now they know we’re dating,” you complained, causing Spencer to look up from his book. “Especially Morgan. His jokes are getting a little annoying.”

“They don’t mean any harm,” Spencer said, putting his book down and climbing off the bed. He hugged you instinctively, leaning down to kiss your jaw. “Plus, maybe Morgan had a point when he joked about us having some ‘fun’ in here,” he mumbled between kisses.

“Come on, Spence,” you said, revelling in the warmth of his breath on your neck. “We can’t. We have to get up early.”

But Spencer didn’t let go of you.

“Please,” he begged, lifting his face from your neck to give you a needy look. That look was persuasion enough. God, he looked so beautiful when he begged with his brows furrowed and his eyes wide.

“Please, what?” you teased, grabbing the tie he hadn’t bothered to take off yet.

“Please, mommy,” he whispered.

You didn’t break eye contact while you slowly undid his tie. You could feel the bulge in his pants growing as he pushed it against you for any sense of friction.

“Ok, what kind of ‘fun’ had you planned on having, doctor?” you asked him.

He gulped before stuttering. “I want to- um- to eat you out.” You smiled at his suggestion.

“That can be arranged,” you said, pulling away from him and setting yourself on the bed. You lay on your back, spreading your legs in front of you. Spencer stared at you as though you were the last thing he was ever going to see.

A few moments passed before he snapped out of his daze. He gently positioned himself between your legs and began kissing your thighs. His soft kisses quickly made your underwear wet. When Spencer noticed this he rushed to take them off, desperate to not let any of your pleasure go to waste. You stared down at him expectantly, as he pulled your underwear off. He tossed them on the floor and was about to lean in again when he stopped. He turned around, walked towards his bag, and began to rifle through it. You looked at him with a quizzical look.

“Oh, don’t worry about me.” You sighed sarcastically. “I’ll be here all night.”

“Sorry,” he said, not looking up from his bag. “Just a second.”

You threw your head back in impatience until you heard his footsteps making their way back over to the bed. He was standing over you, hands in his hair, pulling it back into a ponytail.

“You really spent all that time looking for a hair tie?” You acted annoyed but in reality you were relishing the way he looked. You loved that his hair was now long enough to be pulled back into a pony tail. You loved how it exposed his sharp jaw and the hickeys you’d tried to hide behind hair.

“I didn’t want it to get in the way,” he said, finally leaning back in between your legs.

He inched towards your pussy, his shallow breaths against your sensitive skin making you shiver. He slowly licked your slit and you let out a low moan in response. This moan only encouraged Spencer as he found your clit and began to suck on it. The sensation sent a spark of pleasure through you.

“Oh, fuck, that’s good,” you praised him. “Good boy.”

You wrapped your hand around his ponytail, using it to guide him where you wanted him. He moaned in response, the vibrations only adding to your pleasure.

He replaced where his mouth was on your clit with his fingers and moved his tongue down to your entrance. You pushed his head further between your legs, as if trying to make his tongue reach as far inside you as you could without suffocating him. He rubbed your clit with agonizing pleasure and you had to bite your lip to control your volume. Morgan and Garcia were in the next room, after all.

When you could speak you whispered praise that he responded to by curling his tongue inside you.

“Shit, Spence, yes, good boy.”

You felt your legs begin to shake and you knew you were close. Spencer must’ve sensed it too, as the movements of his tongue became more desperate and quicker. Then, he hit that place that sent you over the edge. You gripped his hair tightly, as you came into his mouth. Swearing loudly, you shut your eyes, savouring the euphoria as he soaked up every last drop of you.

After a minute Spencer’s head popped up from between your thighs. He shuffled forward on top of you until his face was just inches from yours. You wiped your cum from around his mouth and without even asking him to he licked it off them.

“You’re such a slut.” You admired his disgruntled face. His red lips and the ponytail that was now falling out from your pulling.

You pulled his chin towards you, crashing your lips against his. His tongue ran across your bottom lip, seeking entrance to your mouth which you granted. His mouth tasted of you. His body lazily grinded against you. You were both exhausted but you couldn’t resist him. Besides, you couldn’t leave him to deal with the bulge that was growing in his pants all by himself.

“Take off your clothes,” you demanded, pushing him off you. He followed your order obediently, climbing off the bed and stumbling out of his shirt and pants. Lastly, he pulled off his underwear, sighing in relief. You got up and walked over to him.

“Since you were such a good boy pleasing mommy like that I’m going to give you whatever you want.” Kissing him again, you pushed him down unto the bed. His chest moved up and down slowly, as if he was trying to regulate his breathing.

“What do you want baby?” you asked.

“I want to cum inside you,” he replied without hesitation this time.

You got on top of him, not yet lowering yourself on his dick. The pleading in his eyes made you smirk. You lifted his head and pulled the hair tie out of his hair. You ruffled his hair, spreading it all over the pillow beneath him.

“You’re so beautiful,” you remarked, running a finger along his jaw.

“Please, mommy, please fuck me,” was his response.

“I’m sorry baby, I’m just teasing you,” you said, finally lowering yourself down on him. You both moaned at the contact. Spencer’s hands instantly went to your hips. He dug his nails sharply into your skin, sending more pleasure through you.

You sat on his dick for a moment, adjusting to its size before grinding up and down on it.

“Oh, God,” Spencer whined. “Fuck, mommy.”

You smiled down at him, quickening your pace.

He let out louder moans, the both of you too caught in the moment to try to stay quiet. Spencer grabbed the hand that you had placed on his shoulder and guided it to his neck.

“Choke me, please,” he begged. You applied pressure to his throat. Just enough so he could still breathe. Your other hand travelled to his hair which was still sprawled messily on the pillow. You pulled it lightly with every thrust, Spencer’s moans growing more and more erratic.

His hands that were gripping your hips moved below your t-shirt and up your back. He scratched you desperately, causing you to swear quietly.

“Fuck, that’s good, baby,” you reassured him. You felt yourself tighten around his dick. He shut his eyes and let out a laboured breath, his nails almost drawing blood from the delicate skin of your back.

“I- fuck- I’m close.” His voice was barely audible.

“I know baby, I know.” You knew you were just as close as he was so you began deepening your thrusts, his dick reaching further inside you.

“Be a good boy and cum for me,” you said, giving his hair a sharper tug.

He tensed beneath you and you felt the warm liquid fill you up.

“Oh God,” he whined, his eyes rolling back in his head. “Mommy, thank you. Thank you,” he repeated.

The sight of him squirming beneath you and his cum seeping out between your legs triggered your second orgasm. You grinded up and down on him slowly, riding out your high.

“Shit, that’s my good boy,” you breathed.

Once you’d caught your breath rolled off him. You hadn’t realised how tired you were until your back hit the mattress. Spencer rolled onto his side and gazed up at you. You kissed his forehead lightly, running your hand over the red mark on his neck where your hand had been.

“Sorry about that,” you mumbled tiredly.

“It’s worth it,” he replied, smiling.

Spencer yawned and you reached over to turn out the light.

“Goodnight baby, I love you,” you whispered.

I love you,” he replied. And you both fell into a steady sleep.

The next morning you and Spencer were the last to stumble onto the jet. Getting up at the break of dawn wasn’t easy after what you’d done the night before. You slumped yourselves down opposite Morgan and Garcia who exchanged a look you were too exhausted to distinguish.

“Morning, sleepyheads,” Morgan said with a little too much enthusiasm considering the early hour. The two of you just groaned in response leaning on each other with closed eyes, drifting off again.

The flight was quiet. Everyone still tired from the previous case. However, you were woken by the childish giggling and whispering of the two agents opposite you.

“What’s so funny,” you said groggily, annoyed they’d awoken you.

“Oh, nothing,” Garcia said, not very convincingly.

You shifted into a more upright position which you knew woke Spencer up, but he didn’t open his eyes.

“Garcia, you should know better than to lie on a plane full of profilers.”

She shared a knowing look with Morgan and they began to laugh again.

You rolled your eyes. You didn’t have the energy to deal with them right now. You were just about to attempt to get some more sleep before you landed when you heard your two friends saying something that made your eyes widen.

‘Oh, yes mommy,” Morgan, chuckled. “Fuck me, mommy.”

“Good boy,” Garcia mocked you. “That’s good, baby.”

On hearing this Spencer sprang up, his jaw dropped. You both sat there in shock. In fact, the whole team had turned to look at the four of you with puzzled expressions.

“What the hell was that?” JJ asked.

“His words, not mine,” Morgan said, pointing at Spencer. “The walls of that inn were pretty thin. And I thought I told you not to have too much fun last night, pretty boy,”

“At least he’s having ‘fun’,” Rossi argued, putting air quotes around the word fun. “What did you do when you went into your room last night, Derek?”

“I slept,” he replied.

“My point exactly,” Rossi said before looking back out the window.

“You know, if you wanted, we could’ve had some fun last night too, hot stuff,” Garcia giggled.

“I think we’ll leave that to these two lovers over here,” Morgan said.

Spencer’s face had flushed bright red and you hid your face in your hands.

“Remind me to never beg you for sex when those two are near us ever again,” Spencer murmured.

“Noted.”

[heartsgettingwiser62]

Delulu hours bc it's more fun than waiting for s5:

I was re-watching the s1 ep3 scene where Karen goes to visit Joyce to know how she's doing and brings Holly with her.

Karen and Joyce are talking about how Joyce and Jon are coping with Will's disappearance, and the focus is on the moms while this conversation is happening

And then, the focus turns to Holly when she realizes that the lights are turning on

So, just when Holly stands up and begins to walk away, therefore muffling the conversation between the moms, they begin talking about Mike.

When Holly enters Will's room and the conversation is completely drowned, they're still talking about Mike, a.k.a., the conversation isn't over and we don't know what else they said.

The last piece of dialogue we get before Holly enters the room and we can't hear anything else is Karen talking about how Mike had skipped school the previous day and how that's something he had never done before.

Which is... Suspicious, at the very least. Cause they begin talking about Mike just when Holly starts to walk away (therefore, the viewers' focus isn't on their conversation anymore but on what Holly's doing) and their voices are drowned mid-conversation when they were still talking about Mike.

It gives me the impression that whatever they were about to say was something the viewer can't know yet, because it would've been too obvious. Something along the lines of "Well, you know how Mike is with Will, it's always been... them". Something that shows that both Joyce and Karen know that something's different with their kids and they both know the other knows too (I'm so sure they've talked about this before, especially since they both seem to know judging by what Joyce said to Hopper when she went to report Will missing and the little monologue Karen gave to Mike on his room about how he can tell her any secrets he has)

So what if this was one of the scenes we get in s5, when they show all these prerecorded scenes that show how Mike was in love with Will since the beginning? What if we get the full conversation where Joyce and Karen talk about Mike's and Will's possible feelings for each other?

Is this a reach? Absolutely lmao but the idea of this montage that reveals the truth about Mike's sexuality and feelings to the audience makes me SO giddy kshfksfjkd let me be happy

(Aaalso, I lowkey find it such a good metaphor, how the audience doesn't pick up on the clues about Mike's sexuality bc they're focused on the most obvious and prominent things (milkvan and heteronormativity/holly exploring during this scene). The clues are there, but the audience doesn't see them (or chooses not to))

[sammygender]

Honestly I would’ve 100% agreed with your s8 ranking a month ago lol, ‘cause while I adore the trials arc I was meh on the earlier season conflicts. BUT I recently rewatched for a fic I’m writing and the whole season is so thematically consistent from start to finish. Sam standing up for himself and asserting his desire for a normal life, however short-lived? So good. The season is almost a catharsis for s5, to me. Because with the trials you have Sam again trying to atone by sacrificing his life, but the stakes feels so much lower, closing the gates of hell don’t compare to the impending doom of the apocalypse, so it puts so much more weight on Sam’s decision to sacrifice himself, exposes just how little his life means to him and what tragedy that is in a way that s5 didn’t since it was too busy having everyone not believe in Sam or vilify him 24/7. And for Dean, who spent the whole first half of s8 claiming that Sam has a duty, that giving up hunting was betraying that duty, now has a brother, in his own words, “more devoted to the cause than ever” and he can’t stomach it, because it was never about the cause, it was about wanting Sam devoted to him. Idk the comeuppance for Dean is so juicy for me personally and s9 never satisfactorily followed up on that because the conclusion to the Gadreel arc was immediately overshadowed by the Mark of Cain. Also, the parallels of Kevin and s1!Sam in this season?? Hurts me, physically. Sorry to be a s8 apologist but they did get me I fear lol

i do actually totally agree with u especially re catharsis to s5!!! like u said the way it reframes so much of that season is so good. sam jumping into the cage in s5 is framed totally as a heroic act of repentance ignoring the fact that it’s after a season of him being constantly beat down and blamed by dean for something that wasn’t his fault.….. vs in s8 when sam’s also being constantly beat down and blamed by dean for something and again ends up essentially suicidal, willing/ready to die to close the gates of hell, viewing his life as worth barely anything, except in s8 like u said that’s portrayed as actually…. worrying. a tragedy. love that sm makes me feel insane.

so i like it as a season in retrospect and i like what it does for the narrative i just didn’t enjoy it at all when i watched it😔. the critic in me likes it but the viewer found a lot of it (or at least the beginning stretch <3) mindnumbingly boring. have not rewatched though (currently at s7 in rewatch) so i’m excited to see if i’ll end up appreciating it more. i do also LOVE kevin. in the running for favourite side character of all time which is impressive cause he’s there for less than 2 seasons iirc…. and he’s in s8 a lot. so. <3