#especially people who have gone through Bad Events in their life so they use it as leverage and they shoot down other interpretations

[sylvainahyperfixation]

.

[nobodyfamousposts]

Do you think people cling on too much to Adrien's high road advice as a reason to salt on him?

Yes, especially when there are plenty of other reasons to salt him that have previously been ignored. But to that end, it DOES serve as the final straw for people after a SERIES of problems that had previously gone unaddressed.

Much like many aspects of the show, Adrien has displayed problematic behaviors that have been overlooked and waved off in the earlier seasons. This is likely or especially due to the way how in each and every incident, Adrien was narratively shown to be correct. In his stance. In his choices. In his behaviors. He was always right. It doesn't matter if he shouldn't be, because he is.

Now unless you're a hater or anti or salter or whatever negative name people tend to get for not liking a story as it's presented, readers and watchers tend to follow along with the narrative as it presents things and how it presents things. It's a common setup in any story. Protagonist Centered Morality, I feel framed best by Susan in the Discord series:

Susan: ...and then Jack chopped down the beanstalk, adding murder and ecological vandalism to the theft, enticement and trespass charges already mentioned, but he got away with it and lived happily ever after without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done. Which proves that you can be excused anything if you're a hero, because no one asks inconvenient questions.

Pretty much this. Most people will follow what the narrative says because it's the narrative. If the narrative wants you to focus on Marinette being embarrassed, you're going to focus on how much she's cringe. And if the narrative wants you to view Adrien as a perfect sunshine boy who never does anything wrong, anything he does is going to be framed through that lens and it's difficult to break from that view and call out the times when he is wrong. Not unless he does something particularly severe.

It should be noted that outside of Chameleon, Adrien had, among other things: lied to his partner, caused someone to get akumatized and had his partner take the blame, was messing around during life-threatening and city-threatening situations, did nothing as Chloe tormented people right in front of him, DEFENDED Chloe after she tormented people right in front of him, bailed on an event with friends to set up a date with someone who said she had other plans and then got mad at HER for it, tried to flirt or confess in the middle of an active crisis which took necessary attention away from said crisis, caused himself AND his partner to get hit by akuma powers and needlessly be taken out of commission.

And yet people could mostly overlook these instances. They weren't his fault. Chloe is his friend. Marinette is worse. He's just a kid. He has a tragic backstory. So on and so forth. Easy to overlook. Easy to ignore in favor of the Sunshine Boy setup people were given and want to believe in.

But there were three major instances that really grabbed people's attention and stayed:

His attitude in Frozer. It probably wouldn't have been so bad except this rejection already happened in Glaciator, where he was supposed to have learned a lesson and accepted just being Ladybug's friend and now apparently didn't, despite it happening earlier that very season. Then in response, he decides to date Kagami as a rebound, drags Marinette with him on his date (without realizing how he's asking his friend to be a third wheel on a DATE) and focuses on her when he's supposed to be with Kagami, throws another tantrum in the middle of an akuma fight and refuses to work with his partner when the city is literally frozen, and requires Ladybug to apologize to him for hurting his feelings before he finally working with her. Again. But okay, he's a teenage boy in love. Not used to rejection and got his feelings hurt. Lovesquare is endgame so of course it'll work out anyway, so it's not like this bump in the road is really going to matter long term so we shouldn't hold it against him. Fine. Dumb, but fine. We've forgiven it in other shows and other poorly done teen romances, we can forgive it here.

His behavior in Syren in which he demanded to know secrets from people when the secrets were not theirs to tell him, and went so far as to attempt to blackmail his kwami (which was funny) and threaten to quit and abandon the Ring that the big bad is after while the city is flooded and people were trying to not drown (which was decidedly less humorous). But it was played for wholesome when Plagg reassured him and he got what he wanted by Fu revealed himself even if Adrien did nothing to actually show he earned it, so all's well that ends well, I guess? And people could justify it because "they're partners" and "part of a team" and "she should trust him" and "it's not fair he's the only one left out of the loop" and "he has a right to know" and just general "Fu is an idiot" (which is admittedly hard to argue). So people were disgruntled, but most were willing to overlook it.

His holier than thou lecture to Marinette in Maledictator over everyone being happy Chloe was leaving. When all Marinette was doing at the time was watching everyone else have fun. When Adrien specifically guilted Marinette and not any of the other actual partiers involved who were literally throwing a party over his friend leaving and probably should have warranted a lecture more than the girl just standing there. When the girl in question was also Chloe's main target and out of everyone had valid reasons to be happy that her bully won't be around to bully her anymore. When Adrien himself has historically been present to witness Marinette being targeted including twice he witnessed Chloe attempt to steal from Marinette, once he witnessed her try to blackmail Marinette, and numerous other times when she actively caused harm to Marinette and others. When Adrien then proceeded to sit in a corner and pout rather than do anything else or just leave if the party really bothered him. When Adrien, if he really cared so damn much, could have gone after Chloe himself! Or y'know...have stood up for Chloe earlier when she got upset in the first place. But fine, okay, Chloe is his childhood friend. So maybe he's just being biased and oblivious to the fact that his "friend" is a horrible person. But people can excuse and justify it in that they are friends and friends support each other, and the longer someone is friends with someone else, the harder it is to break from them. And that Marinette was probably just the target of his lecture because she was the one there in the moment (and the only one who would listen without arguing). And her calling Chloe useless was "mean" despite it being quite frankly the least of what she could have said about her in the moment (coughcough theft cough blackmail cough punished the entire school cough TRIED TO CRASH A TRAIN AND NEARLY KILLED HER AND HER PARENTS COUGH-FREAKINGCOUGH). Fine. Childhood friend means Adrien supports her in all her horrible and even deadly actions. Frustrating, but again, able to be explained and you can see where he's coming from.

These are all things that definitely got Adrien some side eye at best and some detractors at worst.

BUT if you really think about it, all of these examples are objectively worse than his lecture to Marinette in Chameleon. Not accepting being told "no" and continuing to chase a girl who isn't that in to him (while leading on another). Putting lives at risk over personal wants that could quite honestly wait until AFTER the crisis is over. Defending someone who is harmful and guilt tripping the victims. Compared to those, telling someone to leave a liar to their lying seems relatively minor.

So why this? Why here? Why is it Chameleon that has people saying enough is enough? Why is it this episode that is causing the sunshine boy to be so tarnished and the subject of salt in fan fiction?

Because this is the time when it couldn't be rationalized. There wasn't even a valid sensible canon-based reason for his stance. The arguments that Adrien "knew confronting her wouldn't work" or that he "handled her like paparazzi" or that he "knew Marinette previously failed when she tried" (even though he wasn't there and didn't know) or that he "didn't think anyone would believe him" don't come from canon. Those were fan arguments made after the fact to justify him after the base was broken and the outcry became too much to ignore.

This case didn't have any of the ties or rationales of the previous incidents. Adrien wasn't defending himself or his place in a partnership. He wasn't fighting for his love or his dream or an outcome he wanted and that we all knew was coming—if anything, he was fighting against her. He wasn't defending a friend like he did with Chloe—I mean, it's pretty evident he doesn't even really know or like Lila at this point, and for all intents and purposes, this is apparently only the second day he actually had any interaction with her. There was no notable reason Adrien really had for why he essentially chose to protect Lila over literally anyone else as she wasn't a friend and it wasn't in his interests to protect her from a consequence that wouldn't hurt her short term as much as it would likely harm everyone else long term.

And yet, he still defended her and her freedom to lie. Over Marinette. Over Ladybug. Over his friends. Over any sense of right and wrong he seems to have no problem throwing around when it comes to Marinette/Ladybug. Which seems like he targets her 9 times out of 10 compared to pretty much anyone else by this point. So it's little wonder then that people who didn't already hate the lovesquare because of the cringe factor from Marinette started to hate it for being incredibly unhealthy given that their relatively limited interactions tend to involve him lecturing her for failing to live up to his double standards that only seem to apply to her in any given situation.

This incident by itself doesn't seem like much, but when looked at as part of the series as a whole, it's when people couldn't keep overlooking this trend. Where he seems to admonish the wrong person. Where he acts like a mouthpiece rather than a person. Talks like he’s wise in a situation he seems to have a childish and one-sided view of. Acts like a brat but is treated as though he has no accountability in the situation he causes. Where he is wrong but no one and certainly not the narrative acknowledges it (not until season five and two seasons too late when it doesn't matter and he's still not the one facing consequences for it).

And it's not like he actually follows the stances he himself promotes. In Chameleon, canon presents him with this idealistic stance that Lila could change if given a chance, except he doesn't give her a chance. He doesn't push her to be a better person. He doesn't support or in any way help her to be the better person he insisted to Marinette she could be. He also doesn't do anything or warn anyone when she keeps lying and actively harms the people he says he cares about. He doesn't do anything one way or the other other than some lackluster encouragement to stop lying and a warning that goes nowhere. It just further gives credit to the argument that Adrien either simply doesn't care about other people, or that he doesn't care for Marinette specifically. Neither is conducive to the lovesquare or the increasingly tarnished view of the "sunshine boy".

And it could have worked. Canonically and intrinsically to his character. His idealism and trust in the wrong person comes back to bite him. He learns and grows from it. Except that, much like with nearly everything he does in canon, Chameleon set it up that Adrien was the writers' mouthpiece and thus was not "wrong". I'll grant that they did have him admit it and apologize to Marinette for it two seasons later, but it is pretty evident that during Chameleon, they intended his lecture to be right, with no foreshadowing and no implication otherwise. And I'm fairly certain they only backtracked and had him do that much because of the amount of fan outrage over the episode.

So yes, I think his lecture in Chameleon was really a final straw since unlike Chloe, Adrien has NO relationship with Lila to justify his defense of her. Especially when the argument is in favor of letting her lie to the people he's supposed to care about. That combined with how jarring it was how most of the class just sided with Lila over the seat issue in the first place, and I think people were less inclined to just ignore the problems in the episode specifically and with the series as a whole as they were compared to the first and second seasons. Not just with Adrien, as we see that Alya also started getting more callout and salt since then as well as more retrospective scrutiny over her behavior in earlier seasons.

But yeah...Chameleon was where things seemed to take a 180, so it's bound to be the deciding episode and deciding incident that sticks out in people's minds with these characters. That's probably why it ends up the go-to for salt and complaints on the characters involved instead of any of the other incidents that would arguably warrant it more.

[pochipop]

＃FNAF MOVIE !! ♡ — IT'LL BE ALRIGHT (MIKE SCHMIDT X READER).

#. synopsis! — mike is used to walking on eggshells, just waiting for another tragedy, and you really don’t want to be just another person who's let him down.

#. characters! — mike schmidt .

#. warnings! — vague references to past traumatic events (canon compliant) , references to a verbal argument .

#. word count! — 1.8k .

#. alt accounts! — @ddollipop (nsfw) @hhoneypop (moodboards) .

#. others! — navigation & masterlist .

Mike is used to people leaving. They come and they go like stray cats who've found someone better to nab food off of, —leaving him with more ghosts in his life than he'd care to admit. At least these ones are metaphorical and melodramatic, though. His saving grace has been the fact that he chooses wisely who to introduce Abby to, just in case. She's been through enough, and she's so young that the absence of anyone would be duly noted. Not that it isn't when it comes to himself, it's just. . . He's learned how to live with loss. Maybe not effectively, but he does it, and for right now, that's probably as good as it's getting.

He's got more pressing matters to attend to. He always does. That's what he argued about with you, —what he fought tooth and nail to defend, even when you backed off. At the end of it, he knew he'd gone too far for no real reason. He wasn't arguing with you at that point, he was arguing with all the people that have left him starved for their affections and their care. The words he said to you were so far beyond your scope that it was almost pathetic to think about all the bullshit he unloaded on you like it was somehow your job to fix it, even when he knew it wasn't. So really, it's no wonder he's adding you to that list of people who've walked away.

For once, he truly deserved it. 

And now he's got to explain this to Abby. Because she likes you almost as much as he does, —almost being the operative word there. Mike sucks at a lot of things, and showing you he cares tends to be one of them, but he loves in his own ways. . . And now, he fears he'll have to do it from afar.

He sort of wishes Abby was the kind of kid he could bribe with ice cream for breakfast to break bad news to. It'd be easier to scoop her some off-brand Neopolitan and tell her she'd never see you again if that would help soften the blow. But it won't, and he knows that. He knows her too well to even try.

Still, he finds himself putting chocolate chips in her pancakes that morning in spite of himself.

When he places the plate in front of her, she narrows her eyes, as if to ask him what he's done so wrong. . . Asking what he's offering silent apologies for in the form of sweet pockets stolen away inside her favorite breakfast food. He opens the fridge in search of orange juice just to avoid her gaze.

Before she can even take a bite, he opens his mouth.

"Listen, Abby—"

She looks up at him with those big, doe eyes, and he probably would have cut himself off anyway if not for the knock on the front door. Mike mumbles for her to hold that thought, then goes to check who's outside.

And there you stand a little awkwardly on his doorstep, a brand new bottle of orange juice in your hand. Once again, it's like you've read his mind, and he's as sick of it as he is thankful for it, especially right now. Still, he can't turn you away.

"Morning," you say, almost hesitantly. "I brought juice. . ."

He tries to think of something to say, but hears the quick pitter-patter of Abby's feet fastly approaching. She calls your name so happily, and you smile at her.

"Good morning to you too," you laugh, returning the hug she gives you with no hesitation.

Mike just stares, as if he can't believe you're even here right now. If you're just here to grab the items of yours strewn about his house, he feels like the least you could have done was wait until Abby was asleep or something.

"Can I have some?" Abby asks, pointing to the orange juice in your hand.

"Yeah, that's what it's for," you smile, handing the bottle to her.

She scurries off to the kitchen to pour herself a glass.

"Mike," you say softly now that she's out of earshot, "can we—"

"I'll get your stuff together," he cuts you off.

Your jaw slacks.

"What?" Is the only thing you can manage to muster up in response.

"You could've done this at a different time," he snaps, trying to keep quiet so Abby doesn't hear. "It's gonna be ten times harder on her now for me to explain why you're not coming back."

You stare at him, trying not to cry. Out of all the things you expected to happen this morning, such a drastic change of heart on his part wasn't one of them.

"You. . . You're breaking up with me?" You question.

He pauses, a lot of the frustration dissipating from his features, replaced by genuine confusion.

"Didn't you already break up with me?" He asks.

Your brows knit together quizzically. 

"No? What are you even talking about, I never said I wanted to break up with you," you point out.

Sure, you didn’t say it. But most of the others had never said it either. It was like flipping a lightswitch. One minute they were there, and the next they weren’t. That's why he'd gotten so good at keeping his relationships at a distance, and he'd taken the biggest leap of faith in introducing you to his sister.

"Yesterday evening?" He says, but it sounds more like a question.

"We had an argument," you acknowledge. "It was stupid, and you hurt my feelings. I'm sure I hurt yours too. That doesn't mean I want us to be over."

Mike stares at you like he's not sure what to say, because he isn't. He's not used to someone caring enough to fight for him, and for what festers between himself and someone else. He's learned to let go before the thread pulls too tight, —before it wraps around his throat and slices through every defense he's built up for the sake of protecting himself, his heart, and the little girl that depends on him.

"Mike," you say softly, almost cautiously. "I care about you. One bad night doesn't change that. . . Not for me."

God, it was stupid. It was so stupid. You weren't even mad at him specifically, and you're fairly certain he wasn't really angry with you in particular either. Long days on both your parts collided like a warm front to a cold one, and the things both of you said in the wake of it were uttered through venom and gritted teeth. Sweeping generalizations, a lot of rolling eyes, some tears that were more about frustration than they were anything else. . . But you still loved him at the end of it, even as you found yourself walking home alone.

In fact, that walk was particularly sobering. The crisp chill of the autumn evening was enough to convince you that you'd rather be back at his place where he keeps an extra toothbrush for you in the bathroom and emptied out a drawer just so you could have a place to store some clothes. The sleep you got in the night that followed was shallow at best, restless enough to leave faint bags beneath your eyes by morning, and you were determined to make up any excuse in the book just to swing by.

So you went out and got some orange juice, knowing there wasn't any left in the fridge, and you stood outside his door for a while, working yourself up just to knock. You thought about all the things you'd need to apologize for, and you were ready to push aside your ego if it meant Mike could understand just how much you care, even when you're upset.

He swallows, just to give himself something to do while he prolongs his own response, because he's just not sure what to say. Somehow, a part of him is whispering that this would be easier if you just didn't give a fuck. . . If last evening was the end, and he could go back to finding comfort in silence again.

That's how it's always been. Someone leaves, and he copes, and then he files them away with the rest. But here you are, and Mike knows he can't bring himself to put you in with the others.

"Mike, I'm—"

"No, I am," he breathes, reaching forward to pull you into his arms. "I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings, and I'm sorry that I suck at being a boyfriend, but I don't know what I'm doing and all I can tell you is that I'm trying."

He feels the tension meld away from you, and it's then, before you even open your mouth to reply, that he starts to think everything is how it should be.

"You don't suck at it," you answer lightly. "I know you're trying, and that's genuinely all I could ask for, and I'm sorry about yesterday evening. I was in a bad mood, and I took it out on you, and that wasn't right."

"We both took shit out on each other," he corrects, ready and willing to share the blame.

"True enough," you acknowledge with a weary smile, finally pulling away from his embrace.

"I'm sorry," he says again. "When things go wrong, I. . . I've just learned how to slam on the breaks. If I stop things before they feel like they'll suffocate me, I can avoid them. But I love you, and I know I don't want to avoid that."

"This isn't a one way street," you remind him. "Relationships are hard, and sometimes things happen in a way that they shouldn't, but I'm here for you, and I want to be here for you. . . It's not contractual. One bad night doesn't take away all the times you've made me feel like the happiest person on the face of the planet, Mike."

He sniffles a little, then lets out a relieved sigh.

"Are you hungry?" He asks. "I can make you some pancakes. Chocolate chip."

You raise an eyebrow.

"Chocolate chip? Are you apologizing to Abby for something?"

God, a part of him hates that he's so obvious, but another part loves that you know him so well. It makes him feel even stupider for just assuming that you'd be willing to throw in the towel after one rough night.

"No, not really," he shakes his head. (Not anymore, at least.)

Mike glances toward the kitchen, just to make sure Abby's still preoccupied with her breakfast, then steals a quick kiss from your lips.

"I'm sorry," he says again.

You smile.

"Me too."

"And I love you," he adds.

Your smile widens.

"I love you too. Promise."

With that, he pulls you to the kitchen, and you sit down beside Abby at the table. She tells you that when breakfast is done with, she'd like to show you some new drawings she's done, and you nod, telling her you're excited to see them. And you are.

Mike stands at the stovetop, his back to the both of you, not bothering to bite back his grin. 

He feels his foot ease off the break.

[channieskies]

𝕴𝕴: 𝕲𝖗𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖉

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader, Jeong(Jung) Jaehyun x Reader (Fem/AFAB/Curvy/Plus sized)

Genre: Smut (eventual), Angst, Supernatural Romance, Urban Fantasy

AU: Supernatural AU, Vampire Au, Werewolf AU, Witch AU

Word count: 8058 [Reading time: 33 Minutes ]

Nets: @neverendingdreams-net & @mirohs-aurora-society

Synopsis: Strange events keep piling up. There is something going on in this town that you are just starting to see.

CHAPTER INDEX

“Chris…” You paused, eyes focusing on the purple and pink hue that washed over the trees in the distance before you looked in his eyes to show your sincerity. “I can’t apologize enough. I shouldn’t have abandoned you. Who does that to their best friend? Especially when they have been through everything together.” You reached out and grabbed his hand, without even thinking about it. “I promise I will make it up to you. I promise I won’t be the biggest dick in Louisiana and leave you again. That wasn’t fair to you, I know that.” You played with his fingers, drawing patterns absentmindedly on the red tinted skin on his knuckles, your attention now on his skin. “I’ll be a better friend. I promise you this.” You looked up, catching him staring at you. He smiled, his lopsided dimples doing what they usually did, making you smile with him.

A.N: Please reblog and leave a comment to let me know how you feel. I'd love a little feedback. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it. Special thanks to @palindrome969 and @therhythmafterthesummer for reading over this for me. I could never thank you enough. Dividers by @saradika-graphics

Disclaimer: This story does not reflect the real lives or personalities of Stray Kids or NCT. I do not know them personally. This is purely a work of fiction.

Warnings: MINORS DNI! This post contains nsfw material. Please do not interact with it if you are under the age of 18. Do not translate or repost here or on other sites. This chapter contains use of explicit language.

Home. That's all it was. There was no sweet home to follow it up, because you hadn't left it that way. If anything, you left this place like you'd robbed a grave: disturbed and desecrated. Along with your belongings, you took the bad juju of committing such a brazen and criminal act. You'd left your mother, your friends, your life, and career all for a man. A good for nothing one at that. Your mother had always told you that you had to be careful of the choices you make, you never know where they might have you end up. Yours culminated in you ending up sitting in your beat up car, across the street from your mother's brightly colored shotgun-style house in the uptown district of New Orleans. Her porch was decorated with a plethora of wild yet beautiful flowers and a few colorful chairs. It was inviting, just as it had always been. This was the home that had been in your family for generations, passed down from mother to daughter since 1839. It was lived in and warm, quite possibly the most comfortable place in the world. A safe haven.

Your great-great-great maternal grandmother, Abigail, was the first of your people to make something of herself. She didn't have much of an education, but she was a talented seamstress and hairdresser, making a name for herself across three different states. She passed it to her only daughter and so on and so forth. Your mother swore that within the next few years, she was retiring from nursing and moving to Florida. You don't know why, but she swears she's going to find a good man and settle down there. But you know her best, and she is too much of a free spirit to stay in one place. That's why she's constantly traveling, taking her nursing job around the country and sometimes out of it as well, even if she was never gone long.

You picked and bit at your nails, the one nervous habit you wish you could have kicked with your nicotine addiction, but you'd take it if it meant never smoking again. You felt unnerved. It was weird, it wasn't like this was someplace fancy, it was just your moms house. Your childhood home. You could see the warm amber lighting coming through the window, indicating that she was home, but for the life of you, you couldn't get your ass out of the car. God, how you wish you could smoke and rid yourself of this stupid anxious feeling that had you tied to your seat like a locked seatbelt. Would she be disappointed in you? You failed as a daughter, on multiple accounts. You just couldn’t seem to get life right.

Your own mother had struggled with juggling a full-time job and a child, planting down roots in this city when she knew the wind was calling her name. According to her, she had been compelled by the spirits of your ancestors to have you, persuaded that it was finally the right time to settle into motherhood. But she was a bird, not something stagnant and never changing like a tree; she was meant to fly but instead had to put down roots. Having you forced her to give up on the life she wanted to have and acquiesce to domesticity. She'd sacrificed the things she'd liked just so you could afford the ballet lessons you begged to take for a few months before quitting. Same with the piano and singing lessons, as well as the haughty toighty summer camp she sent you to, all so you could study music theory. When you were accepted at Tulane University, she probably expected you to be like any other college student. You know, wrack up a bunch of debt and slowly pay it off while doing the job you went to school for. It probably wasn't in her plans to get a call from you, telling her you were pregnant in the middle of your junior year,  dropping out.

You bet she wasn't expecting to have to pay for your therapy after you lost the baby either. You know it had to have been a downward spiral of bad news when you told her you weren’t going back to school, years of education and sacrifice be damned. You’re certain it hurt when you left town one night and didn't look back- the loud knock on your window pulled you from lamenting on your sub-mediocre life choices. You jumped, grabbing your heart to make sure it didn't make a run for it. “Mom?!?”  You grabbed the hand crank to roll down your window, just enough to hear what she had to say.

The first thing she said was your full name loudly, “Why the hell are you sitting in the damn car, across the street from the house like a stalking lunatic? Get in the house!” She sighed, and mumbled something else under her breath as she crossed the street in haste. “I'm sorry y'all. You know that girl has no damn sense. I swear she gets that from her father.” You hadn't noticed, but there were witnesses to your car breakdown, the elderly couple next door and the nosy woman across the street. She'd snitched on you plenty of times before, why would this time be any different?

Chris hadn’t lied when said your house hadn't changed. It was indeed the same nostalgic little time capsule it was the last time you visited. You didn't bother with your boxes, entirely too tired to move the front seat and retrieve them from the back. That was a problem for the you of tomorrow. You still had clothes in your old room and could always bum toiletries off your mom, she wouldn’t mind. “What are you visiting your old mother for now?” She asked, taking a seat on her sofa. The tv was on mute, playing some old black and white reruns. You could tell she just finished her batch of cookies for the children's ward at the hospital, the house smelled of her delicately spiced chocolate chip cookies. They were a hit amongst kids and adults alike.

“I.. need a place to stay.” You didn't hesitate to say what you needed. It was her motto that was drilled into your head after all, ‘Closed mouths don't get fed’. You fidgeted with the keychain in your hands, you needed something to keep your hands and mind busy. She started for a moment only to nod, indicating to you that you could stay. “It will be for a while. U-until I find a job at least.” She nodded again, not even bothering to ask why or what happened. She was understanding like that. You tried not to let it show, but you were grateful to be born to a woman like her. She was beyond anything you could have asked or wished for. You knew that not everyone was blessed with a caring and understanding parent, and you were truly thankful that you at the very least, got to experience that from one of yours.

“But- on one condition.” She put up her hand to stop you from going further into the home. You dreaded what she had to say. Last time you stayed here, she had you volunteer at the soup kitchen for three days, saying that you could have been homeless, but she was being nice enough to give you food and shelter. That was during your grandfather's funeral a few months back. You spent time volunteering while you were mourning. Your mother is that type of person. Pay it forward was another one of her mottos. “You go to work with me for a couple hours this weekend. I have a new boss in the children's ward and I would love for him to meet my baby.” She said in a nonchalant way, but you knew she had been talking about you, she always did. Didn’t matter what you were doing or where you went, you would always be her baby and she was proud.

You truthfully didn’t know why you even doubted how she felt. There was never a moment where she wasn’t proud of who you’d become, no matter what mistakes you’ve made in life. Maybe it was just that little anxious and negative voice in the back of your mind that constantly felt the need to remind you that you were undeserving of anything good. Whether it be platonic or amorous, love wasn’t meant for someone like you. You were wholly undeserving, unworthy of it. “Also, take a trip to the family tomb and pay some respect to your elders, they have kept you safe this far and you want them to continue to do so in the future…” She continued to talk about all the things she wanted you to do for the tomb, like sweeping and dusting to make sure they were comfortable in the afterlife. It was something you always thought was a little strange, but who were you to knock the traditions of old southern folk? She’d survived this long for a reason, right?

You could feel the warmth of the sun on your face as you stirred awake the next morning. You had snuggled into your freshly changed sheets last night and honestly, you don’t remember much after that. You rubbed your eyes, opening them slowly only to find another pair staring right back at you. You quickly moved back, maybe too quickly, accidentally tossing yourself off the bed, tangled in the mess of sheets and blankets. Your butt hit the hardwood floors right on your tailbone, causing it to hurt almost immediately. “Ow!” The same eyes peeked over the side of the bed at you, as if checking if you were alright. The tiny meow that came from its mouth was a strong affirmation that the cute little black and white cat with two-toned eyes was asking if you were okay. “Yes, I'm fine. Just a little sore, is all.” You rubbed your butt to try and soothe the dull ache as you moved to your knees to get closer to the cat. “What’s your name? Huh? And why are you in my room?” 

The cat leaned its head down, chin brushing over the name tag. You grabbed at the shiny, round tag, glancing at the cursive little Ella ‘Socks’ Fitzgerald. “Socks? Is that your name? It’s nice to meet you, Socks. I’m Y/N.” It puts a paw forward, showing you its cute little white paw, amongst all the black fur. “How cute are you?” You cautiously reached to pet the cat who did nothing but melt into your touch. You had always wanted a pet, but your mother was very peculiar about it. She’d say that pets were for common people who did common things, we needed more than just a pet. That always struck you as strange. What has changed from then to now? How did Socks come to be in your mothers possession? You could hear your mothers mumbles through the door before she knocked softly.

“Have you seen- ah there she is.” She stepped into your room, gathering up the cat in her arms. “This is the new doctor's cat. He was out of town for a few days and asked me to keep her. She’s cute, right?” You nodded. That explanation made sense, you knew your mother wasn’t one for pets. “So you might see her around every once in a while, whenever he’s out of town. But she's a sweet girl, so don’t be afraid.” She turned as if she was going to leave, but stopped right at the threshold of your dark purple room. “Christopher called. He said to remind you that you owe him a meal. But he said he couldn't make it over to this side of town and would send you the address.” She squinted her eyes as she turned her head towards you. “Don’t you hurt him, you hear me? He’s too pure for this world and he easily gets hurt, even if he does a really good job at hiding it. Just like when you lef-” She stopped herself, a frown forming between her brows. “Just be careful with someone like him. I don’t think he’ll be able to take it if you disappear like that again.”

You tried not to act or look confused. But you sure were. Chris didn’t act any differently towards you yesterday. He didn’t make it seem that you leaving town abruptly like you did last time, was that big of a deal. You were sure it hurt momentarily, hell, it hurt you to leave like you did. But he seemed like he understood your reasons and didn’t hold them against you. He had told you as much at the diner last night. But then again, he and your mother talked more frequently than you and your mother. She had taken it upon herself to adopt him as her own, since his family was a twenty hour plane ride away. She was a nurture, it was in her nature.

There were certain times you felt like you’d have to push your car to your destination. With all the twists and turns and little hills you had to drive through to get to whatever part of the suburbs Christopher lived in, your car was struggling to keep up. You could tell it was overheating. The radio had been on the fritz for over a month now, and now the a/c acted like it wanted to poop out on you. You would rather deal with public transportation than to have no air conditioning with all this hot and humid Louisiana air. Trees lined the streets of the suburbs in far more elegant ways than it did even in the historic garden district. The land surrounding each home seemed to get bigger and bigger the further you went out. Maybe one of Chris’ roommates was rich, because explaining how a teacher could afford this was not computing or connecting inside of your brain. 

You carefully watched the numbers that were painted on the curb as well as the mailboxes and houses. You were lucky to see the numbers on the house in your neighborhood, maybe suburban living was just all together different. “140, 141….143.” You stopped your ancient clunker of a car, pressing hard on the squealing brakes, right in front of the sprawling lawn. It felt like the well manicured greenery went on for miles before your eyes noticed the large house in the background. The rounded driveway led right up to the front walkway of the large center hall colonial home. Call you Dorthy, because you sure weren’t in Kansas anymore. The city was lively, there was always something going on, people always on the streets for something or another. But out here you couldn’t hear anything but nature, and that honestly scared you a little bit. You were used to the noise after years of conditioning yourself for it. Even in St. Martinsville, even though it was a smaller town, you lived off the main thoroughfare in an apartment full of different types of people. It made you feel right at home.

The suburbs offered something completely different than what you were used to. It was almost too picturesque. The trees stood still and tall, painting the grass with little dark dots, making it the only thing that blemished this perfect little picture of suburbia. Everything had a place and everything was in its place. Eerie. If anyone asked you. The pretty white siding was accented by the white-washed brick foundation and mossy green shutters and accents. The landscaping added to the top notch curb appeal of this mini-mansion. Now, either Christopher was selling drugs to the parents of the kids he taught or he had run into some major cash since college. Last time you checked, he was still sending money back home to his family, so you doubted he had some random long lost relative that kicked the bucket and transferred beaucoup amounts of cash into his bank account. Yeah, drugs were the only answer. 

You reluctantly pulled your fiesta into the drive, almost afraid it would mar the flawless brick pavers. You came to a halt and you put it in park, sitting there with it still on, wondering if for some reason your old friend was playing a trick on you. That he'd have you travel all this way just to pull a “sike, got you!” out of his ass, while he still lived in the city in the same old run-down apartment. It would be appropriate payback for you cutting ties with him in spite of everything you'd been through. He’d been there for you through the thick of it. He was the one holding your hand in the clinic after you’d taken multiple pregnancy tests to confirm your sneaking suspicions. He was there to comfort you when you lost the baby you had just started getting used to the idea of. He was there when that boyfriend left you high and dry. Chris had been your rock, but you had been nothing to him but the worst friend possible. You didn't let your mind drag you down into the same spiral that it took you on last night in front of your moms house, so you pushed past it. You pulled the keys from the ignition and got out, heading up the drive to the door. You fixed your dress, making sure it wasn’t up in the back or tucked into your panties like that one time in middle school. 

You couldn’t shake this sense of nervousness you had. What the fuck were you nervous for? It was just Chris. In this mini-mansion in the middle of suburbia, with a few roommates that you didn’t know. What if they sniffed out that you were the trash friend you had made yourself out to be? What if they told Chris that you were no good for him and inveigled him not to pursue a relationship with you? Relationship? How did you get there? Friendship. Yeah, that's what you meant. You didn’t get a chance to work out your worrying thoughts as the door swung open. “Hey.” The force of the wind pulled you forward a little, causing you to stumble. Chris’ hand landed on your shoulder, preventing you from falling over the threshold of his home. He chuckled, “Be careful.” How was it possible that you hadn’t even been here a good ten minutes and you’d already managed to make a fool of yourself? Good job!

“H-hey.” Could this welcome mat go ahead and open a portal to where-the-fuck-ever and swallow you whole already? “I-I was just about to knock. How did-” He pointed to the doorbell camera, before you could even finish the question. Now you felt a little foolish on top of embarrassment. “Right..” He laughed and reached for your hand, tugging you inside the house. You fell into him with a soft thud, chin hitting his chest. You could feel the heat radiating off of him and creeping into your system, slowly making its way to your face. He gave you a soft hug before pulling back and letting you breathe. He closed the door with a slight kick of his foot, letting it close with a soft click. 

“Did you have trouble finding it?” He queried, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand as if he was nervous. You glanced at him, taking in the casualness of his outfit. It was somewhere between boyfriend and I might sell drugs to pay for this unnecessarily big house. Dark almost black denim pants, paired with a simple black t-shirt and a black cardigan with white outlines on it, on top. Simple, yet classic and you appreciate his effort. “I know whenever we invite people out, they have a hard time getting here. It often means we have to go find them and have them follow us here. So, at least you have ‘finding my house on your own’ under your belt. You are one of the few.” You felt like you should have been looking around, taking in the foyer of this massive home, but for some odd reason you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. Carefully watching the way his lips moved as he talked. The faint blush that painted his cheeks. How he fidgeted from side to side and couldn’t figure out where to put his hands. He really was nervous. The only time you’d see him like this is when he scored a date. But that wasn’t what this was, right? You’d know if this was a date. Right?

“I didn’t have trouble at all. I mean, besides my car acting like it couldn’t find a fuck to get out here, the trip here went without incident.” You sighed and nodded awkwardly. Don’t think of this as a date. It’s just you and your old best friend hanging out at his home while you cook a meal for him. That's it. But what if it wasn’t just that? Your mind had a way of playing tricks on you, making you believe things were true, even if you had little to no evidence of it being that. “This is a-a nice place you got here. I mean, it looks like it's even nicely decorated.” You were desperately trying not to make things awkward, trying to get your brain to not overthink just this once. 

“Ah- yeah, Felix’s mom decorated the place for us after she visited a few months ago.” He chuckled, taking a look around himself as if your words triggered the memory and not him living in the space. “I didn’t think it was that bad until she brought it up. She just couldn’t understand how we lived in this nice neighborhood, but the inside of the house looked like squatters lived here or a bunch of pups or something...” He paused, eyes fixed on your hand as if he wanted to reach for it once again. “I- um, I should show you around.” He made a noise affirming to himself that what he said was what he was going to do. He finally tore his eyes away from your hand and turned to give you the tour. “I don’t know if you can tell, but no one comes this way.” He chuckled to himself, “That's probably why it's so spotless out here. I guarantee you, the rest of the house looks exactly how you’d expect it to with eight grown men living here.” Eight? When he said roommates, you assumed two or maybe three. But seven other people lived here? With the same man who turned you down everytime you asked him to be your roommate?

“Eight? Christopher….” You poked his shoulder as he led you out of the foyer, past the stairs and into the living room. There were a couple of guys sitting on the large beat up couch, playing video games. There were a few empty bottles and pizza boxes around, like they had a party and didn't bother cleaning up after. You could smell the nice candles they were burning, probably to cover up the smell of man sweat and whatever that wet dog smell was that lingered under the woodsy candle. “You couldn’t live with me but you have seven roommates and a dog? Fuck your allergies, huh?” He seized up for a second, shoulders tensing up.

“Y-you know why, I couldn't room with you. I told you yesterday.” You kissed your teeth, folding your arms over your chest as you leaned your hip against the kitchen counter. You didn't believe that for a second. Chris had a crush on you? Please. He turned to you, giving you an apologetic smile. “I was being truthful when I told you that. I promise. Living with you would have messed up my feelings toward you even more.. than they already are. I couldn't do that… not when you were going through so much. I just…. I thought it would be best to just be there for you from a distance.” There was something about Chris’ eyes that told you if he was being truthful or just saying things in jest. He was telling you the truth. But you didn't want to think of what that implied.

Christopher looked at something beyond you with wide eyes, so you followed his gaze to find the two roommates that were playing games had completely turned to listen to your conversation. “Uh.. Hi!” You waved awkwardly towards the two young looking men. “I'm Y/N, Chris’ friend fro-” You were cut off by the deepest voice you think you'd ever heard. But you were sure it couldn't have come from the face that had its lips moving. You know the look on your face said everything about how shocked you were. Eyes wide, mouth agape. You shook it off as best you could, in order to not be rude.

“Oh, you're the Y/N he talks about all the time? ” His giggles contrasted with his voice drastically. He got up from his spot on the couch to introduce himself properly, his friend trailing behind him to do the same. “It's nice to finally meet you. I'm Felix.” No wonder his mother didn't want him to live in just any old environment. The boy was beautiful. He had a constellation of freckles dusted across his pretty cheeks and his eyes shined bright light diamonds in the night sky. You wouldn't want someone so pretty to live somewhere that didn't equal his beauty either.

“Hyung did say you were pretty.” The other guy spoke up, his voice cracking on his first word like he hadn't spoken all day. “I can usually bet against his judgment, but he was right this time.” Felix nudged him, but you just laughed, thanking him for his sudden compliment. You appreciated the honesty. “I'm Jeongin.” He extended his hand for you to shake as well and you gladly took it. He was adorable, as well as brutally honest and you liked that. You asked what they did for a living and where they were from, spotting an accent on both. Finding out Felix was also from Sydney like your dear friend, and Jeongin had come to America from South Korea for a cultural exchange program for part of highschool and now college. 

They asked you a few questions in return like how exactly you and Chris met and how long had the two of you known each other and you didn't mind answering, you just wondered what exactly Chris had said to them about you. Especially if it wasn't details of how you met. “Alright, I'd like to spend some time with my friend…. alone.” He was pulling things from the refrigerator, setting them up for you. Apparently he couldn't pick you up because he was grabbing things from the local box store to feed his army of roommates. “I want you all to myself for once.” He mumbled the last part but you heard him loud and clear, you just chose not to address it due to this situation already being confusing.

You clear your throat as you wash your hands at the kitchen sink. “Anything in particular you have in mind? What do your roommates want to eat?” He groaned at the mention of his seven other roomies. “I can’t in good conscience just make food for you, Chris. Not when there are other people coming in and out. So, I’ll make a group meal and everyone can have something to eat whenever they feel like.” You started searching the kitchen for utensils and pots that you would need to cook. “Any allergies, besides the one you have when it comes to living with me, that I should know about?” He stuck his tongues in his cheek as he rolled his eyes at you, even with a year apart, he should know you by now. You weren’t going to let this go anytime soon.

“No. No allergies. You know I want your macaroni and cheese. The last time I had some was before you left, so I'm well overdue for a pan.” He picked at the label of one of the spice containers. “I just… I can't ask you to cook for the kids. It's a lot of them and I've already planned to send them out with money to get themselves something to eat for the night. So just don't worry-” You stopped his rambling with a pointed stare. Your hands ceased checking over the ingredients he pulled out to confront him.

“You didn’t ask, and I'm not asking either. Let me cook for you and your friends. It's just one night. It's not like I'm going to become den mother Or something.” You chuckled and shook your head at your own joke, not noticing how your friend stiffened at your words. His ears reddened under the tuft of ear length curls on his head. “Mind being my sous-chef?” He nodded, glad you changed the subject, so he could stop his heart from fluttering about.

It took a few hours, but you, with the help of Chris, put together a full meal. Cheddar jalapeno cornbread, fried catfish, chicken fricassee (for anyone who doesn’t like or eat fish), red beans and rice, macaroni and cheese, stuffed mirlitons, corn and bacon maque choux, and a three bean salad for anyone watching their weight. You would periodically be interrupted, his housemates all floating down to the kitchen one by one to see where the delectable scents were coming from, just to find someone they didn’t know cooking in the biggest gathering place of their home. You met seven different people, with seven distinct personalities that day. Minho, gave you grumpy old man vibes, but he also had a cuteness to him that made you want to pet him like a cat, it was very strange to think about, but the truth nonetheless. You found out that this was a vacation home for Changbin and his family, the third oldest of Chris’ roommates. Why his family was vacationing in the suburbs of New Orleans, you had no idea, but they had to be pretty well off to have several homes in different countries. He was very sweet, but he almost lost a hand when he tried to pinch off your cornbread.

You thought Felix was one of the most beautiful creatures you’d even laid your eyes on, then you met Hyunjin. What kind of beauty distribution was this house blessed with? Every single inhabitant you met here was gorgeous in their own right, Hyunjin took the cake though. You almost chopped off your finger when he walked in, paint stains on his very expensive Celine t-shirt. Who paints in that? You almost got swept up in talks about art and the museums here in Louisiana before Chris rushed him off. You saw Seungmin for a few minutes before he said he had to run off to baseball practice, but the shade he threw at your younger friend, Christopher about his age before he left, left you completely speechless. There was allegedly another person that lived here, but he didn’t come out. Chris said he was a bit introverted and didn’t really talk to new people well. So you took the initiative and made him a plate along with a cup of sweet iced tea, leaving it outside the door that Chris directed you to. You didn’t mind an introvert, you were truthfully one yourself. So, you understood.

By the time you were settled, the sun was starting to set. Chris suggested sitting on the porch to watch the sun blend into the beautiful tree line behind their home. There was a nice cross breeze, thanks to the ceiling fan. “I can’t thank you enough for doing this. It’s one thing to make dinner for you and one other person, but nine? With leftovers?” He chuckled, “That's crazy.” You simply shrugged, it really wasn’t that much of a deal. You volunteered most of your young life, helping in the kitchen and cooking big meals was kind of your thing at this point. “I don’t think I can express how much I’ve missed having you around, Y/N. If it wasn’t for me finding my roommates, I don’t think I would have survived this last year.” Your heart broke for him. You guessed it was true what your mother said before you left, you’d really hurt him. And for what? What happened to bros before hoes? You were a shit friend and you knew that. You’d just have to spend the rest of your life making it up to him in whatever way possible.

“Chris…” You paused, eyes focusing on the purple and pink hue that washed over the trees in the distance before you looked in his eyes to show your sincerity. “I can’t apologize enough. I shouldn’t have abandoned you. Who does that to their best friend? Especially when they have been through everything together.” You reached out and grabbed his hand, without even thinking about it. “I promise I will make it up to you. I promise I won’t be the biggest dick in Louisiana and leave you again. That wasn’t fair to you, I know that.” You played with his fingers, drawing patterns absentmindedly on the red tinted skin on his knuckles, your attention now on his skin. “I’ll be a better friend. I promise you this.” You looked up, catching him staring at you. He smiled, his lopsided dimples doing what they usually did, making you smile with him. He leaned back in his seat, tugging your hand. You knew what that meant, your muscular buff friend wanted to cuddle. You at least owed him that after depriving him of a year's worth of cuddles. Your ex hated how close the two of you were, always complaining about how a man and woman can’t be that close unless one of them has feelings for the other. 

You scooted the patio chair you were occupying back and stood to your feet, making your way over to him and taking purchase of his lap, all while he never let your hand go. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, kicking your legs over the armrest. He wrapped his arms around your waist and nuzzled his nose into your neck, taking a big whiff, as if he missed not only the touch of you, but your smell as well. He was affectionate, that was something that just didn't seem to change about him. Even his roommates mentioned his love of cuddles and how apparently no one cuddled him like you. Truthfully, you felt the same about him. That lack of affection in your relationship with your ex didn't dawn on you until you moved away from your hometown. When Chris was out of your life, you finally had time to notice the void he left behind. No sweet words or texts, no hugs or cuddles, no one to go to museums with or to concerts. You were literally alone in your relationship. 

Your ex was harsh and mean, he didn't like to hug or kiss especially in public and he just lacked the same kind of warmth Christopher had. You longed for your friend so bad just after a few weeks of being away, that you took half of the two hour drive back home just to see him, before your ex called you back. The longer time went on the more you adjusted to not being touched or feeling loved. But now that you've gotten it back, gotten him back, you won't let go. His affection is like your life blood. You need it. You laced your fingers into the curls along the nap of his neck to lightly scratch his scalp like he liked. His eyes closed upon contact, melting into you as you melted into him. You were fine like this. This was the epitome of comfort to you. You sat like that for what felt like an eternity, his soft breath tickling your neck. The cool night breeze didn’t bother you while being wrapped in the heat of his arms and chest. 

He sighed, dragging his nose over the side column of your neck, causing goosebumps to prickle all over your skin. A soft gasp left your lips, but you didn’t move away, prompting him to do it again. You tried your best not to moan as his lips ghosted over the same spot. With a particularly long drag of your nails over his scalp it seemed it was his turn to make a noise. It sent a shiver down your spine, it was somewhere trapped between a moan and a growl. You pulled back, eyes fluttering open to meet him, eyes already staring back at you, just for them to slide to your lips and back up. Did he want to kiss you? You surely wanted to kiss him. His plump lips were so close to yours, all you had to do was lean in a little. Your body unconsciously moves in closer to his, his fingers releasing their grip on your waist to move to your face, first tucking hair behind your ear before finding their place on your cheek. 

He opened his mouth to speak, but you shook your head, not wanting to be taken out of the moment by words. He pulled you into him, his lips ghosting your yours before settling into a soft kiss. Was this what kissing your best friend felt like? Like smooth jazz in the park on a sunday afternoon. Like watching the sun set on his porch while in his arms? It was comfortable. Everything was always comfortable with him, always had been. But it wasn’t comfortable in the way that would make you feel no heat from it. No, this kiss would be seared into your memory for a lifetime. It's as if time stands still, it's only you and him in the moment. There are no other beings in the universe but the two of you. He pulls away, but only slightly, his mouth still lingers ever so close to yours. “What, Jisung?” You turned your head as he looked over to the door that hadn’t even opened yet. A fluffy haired, chipmunk-esque boy wrapped in a fleece blanket, popped his head out of the french doors.

“Tha-thank you.” His already plump cheeks became even plumper as he smiled. “For the food and the tea.” He nodded again, eyes darting from you to the man whose lap you were taking up space in. “I’m Jisung, by the way.” You smiled at him and his cheeks seemed to heat up. He was adorable. “Okay… bye.” He ducked back inside and scampered off as if you had scared him away. You hadn’t realized that Christopher made a face behind you at the boy, making him run off and back to his room. You turned back to him, bottom lip between your teeth, holding back the smile that was slowly starting to spread on your face.

“So…”

He laughed, “So?” He caressed your cheek with his thumb, eyes searching your face longingly. He looked as if he had so many things to say, but no way of expressing the abstract concepts his heart was painting. You wished you could dive into his mind and help him find every word he was missing, because you wanted to know what his feelings were. Were you alone in the way you felt? Was this wrong? What would happen to your friendship after that heated kiss you shared on his back porch. His nose bumped yours as he leaned in to kiss your cheek, though your lips were so close. They were calling to him, begging for another kiss to confirm if the first one was real or just a dream. He sighed, leaning his forehead against yours, as if it was an attempt to get himself together. To not wish or ask for more from his long lost best friend.

“I…” He pulled back to look into your eyes, hoping that you would say the words that he longed to hear. “I…. should really get going. It’s getting late…” Beg me to stay. Please. You pleaded to him in your mind, hoping he would get the hesitancy in your voice. Hoping he could read between the lines. “And… It's a long drive back to the city.” It wasn’t. Traffic wouldn’t be heavy this time of night on a saturday it was a thirty minute drive, tops. But he didn’t try to stop you. He just nodded, understanding. He was that type of person. Understanding to a fault.

“Do… you want me…to drive you home? I can take a look at your car tomorrow and make sure it's in tip-top shape for you.” His hand moved from your face to rest gently on your thigh, caressing it over the fabric of your dress. You could feel his warmth seeping into you, even with a barrier in-between. You could see it in his eyes, he wanted you to stay. He didn’t need words to express that. But you weren’t going to stay if he wasn’t going to ask you to. Call it being stubborn or whatever, you just wanted him to say that he wanted you. Wanted you here with him, in his arms, his lips on yours, sharing this moment of discovery together. If he couldn’t give you that, you weren’t going to volunteer your time. You’d done that for years at this point, and quite frankly, you were exhausted. You knew the burden of being alone in your relationship isn’t something that would occur with Chris, but you weren’t going to put yourself out there first. You did too much overthinking for that. You shook your head, looking down at where his hand was now squeezing your hip like he didn’t want to let you go.

“It’s okay. I can just bum a ride with my mom if need be, or call my uncle to chauffeur me around.” You dad’s half brother was always kind to you and willing to do whatever you needed in place of your father. You appreciated that. “You don’t need to worry about me Chris, I can take care of myself.” It was your turn to place a kiss on his cheek, but you made sure to make it to where there was something left to be desired. The kiss lingered, right on the edge of his lips. You brushed your thumb over the spot, whipping the non-existent lipstick you left there. “I had a great time. Thanks for letting me make up that meal you paid for.” You spoke as you tried to stand, his hand on your hip holding you back. You stared at him, just for him to let you go. His fingers slowly brushed over your stomach, before finding rest on the arm of his wrought-iron patio chair. You tried not to feel disappointed, things just weren’t meant to be at this moment. It didn’t mean the moment wouldn’t come. But did you want that? Your rekindled friendship meant everything to you and your bouts with love had all proven to be fruitless, like you’d be alone forever.

You finally stood on your own two feet, fixing your dress that had slightly ridden up from the position you’d been sitting in. He waited until you got to the door before he stood. Your eyes got a glimpse of him adjusting himself, the brief moment you shared clearly having an effect on him. He didn’t touch you again as he guided you through the house, back to the front door. Ever the gentleman, he walked you to your car and held the door open for you. “Next time, it will be just us, I promise.” You turned to look at him. Had he always looked this dazzling in the moonlight? Maybe you hadn’t ever noticed the way his eyes shone in the light. The teenage features he had when you first met were long gone, there was a man standing in front of you now. “Call me when you get home… you never know what kind of creatures lurk in the night.” You chuckled at his warning, no sense that he was serious.

“I’ll text you.” You gave him one last smile, wishing it could be a kiss instead. He returned the smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes like it normally did. At least you weren’t the only one disappointed the night was ending like this. You got in your car and he shut the door for you. You didn’t bother with letting down the window and making this an even longer goodbye. You just cranked up and pulled out of his driveway, looking back just once to see that longing look in his eye as you drove away. Regret, that's what this night brought to you. Regret that you didn’t recognize your feelings for him sooner. Oh, the heartbreak that could have saved you. You made the silent drive out of his subdivision, turning onto the main road, hyper focused on the dark pavement. Outside of the little community, there weren’t too many lights on the highway back. Your headlights were shit, you knew they needed to be cleaned, but they provided a little bit of light, blending with the slight moonlight that wasn’t covered by clouds.

You reached down to cut up the air. With your car sitting in the sun all day, the air-flow had an almost suffocating feel to it. You took your eyes off the road for a brief moment, fingers searching for the right dials to crank up the ac as much as your old beater would allow. The sweet relief of a cool breeze was short lived as you put your eyes back on the road. You slammed on the breaks, seeing the biggest wolf you’d ever seen standing in the middle of it. Your car came to a screeching halt, much harsher than the ones your old hatchback would make on the regular. The wolf looked in your direction, it had to be as tall as your car was, at least. You’d never seen an animal so big up close. You’ve seen people encounter red wolves when taking hikes around here, but they never looked this massive. Bigger than a dog, yes. Bigger than your car and possibly you? No. Plus it just didn’t look like your typical red wolf. You took in its appearance, its white and gray coat and sharp eyes. It was gorgeously terrifying. Its ear twitched and that's when you noticed the most unusual thing about it, besides its size. It had a row of earrings adoring its ear. Hoops to be exact, large to small. Where the heck had you seen that before?

The hell kind of modern wolf was this? How did it even get piercings? Was it alone? You soon got one of your answers with a howl from the treeline. Appearing from the abyss beyond the dark trees was another wolf, this one all black and even bigger. All the hairs on your arm stood up in alarm. What the hell was going on here. You looked away from the menacing one in the trees to the one in the road, making eye contact with the animal. It ran off as the other one advanced towards it, as if it was afraid of the black one. If it took issue with the scary black wolf, you supposed you probably should too. When the coast was clear, you pressed the gas and bolted. You had to get back home and wash this strange encounter from your mind. You checked the mirror a bit further down the road and there it was, black hair shining under the moonlight, red eyes aglow. A frighteningly beautiful sight to behold. You could see a sense of longing in that animal's eyes. Melancholy must have been going around tonight, but you sure as hell weren't about to stick around to find out if that was indeed the case.

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© ✐Channieskies 『MINORS DNI! This post contains nsfw material. Please do not interact with it if you are under the age of 18. Do not translate or repost here or on other sites. Please leave a like, comment, and reblog if you enjoyed this story.』

[fae-morrigan]

I Read Bendis So You Don't Have To: The Famed Jon Kent Age Up

Hi! I'm Milas. I've read more Bendis Superman than is probably healthy.

No matter if you liked the age up or not, most fans are in agreement: this run was bad. Pretty dang bad. And I agree- this run is often hard to parse through all the... er, bendisisms, and often mangles what little themes it has through poor storytelling and lackluster use of page real estate. However, I unfortunately have become an expert on this particular story due to how many times I reference it in analysis, and I do not wish my suffering upon anyone else. So, to spare us all from said suffering while writing meta, I encourage Jon fans, from whichever corner of his fandom you come from, to use and link to this series as shorthand if you so need to.

This installment will be going, objectively as possible, beat by beat through the actual events of the famed 2019 Jon Kent age up.

Issues covered are Superman (2018) issues 7-10, as well as briefly covering the events of Super-Sons of Tomorrow (all issues) and The Man of Steel (issue 6).

Before we can get to the actual mainline Superman run where this event occurred, we should real quick go through the events leading up to this.

In Super-Sons of Tomorrow, Jon is confronted by Savior, an evil version of Tim Drake from a future where Jon accidentally causes a massive loss of civilian life via an explosion of his powers. Savior is travelling from back in time to try and prevent this from occurring by killing Jon, therefore stopping the catastrophe. This causes infighting amongst the Teen Titans, even more fighting with people from this alternate future timeline, and concludes with a vote being held to decide if Jon is welcome amongst the Teen Titans. The vote decides no, Jon will not be admitted onto the team.

Though the Teen Titans tell Jon that this is because the events of the book gave them a lot to think about and work out, this is not what Jon takes away from it.

In Man of Steel, Jor-El shows up and invites Jon out to space with him. This is meant to be a journey where Jon will be able to learn things that Clark has "neglected" to teach him, as well as connecting with his Kryptonian heritage.

Clark and Lois are vehemently against this at first. Clark, especially, does not change his mind on this being a bad idea, even after Jon leaves.

However, the reason Jon goes is because, in his own words, he feels like there is something wrong with him.

This is a feeling, that, in text, Jon feels specifically sparked on by the events of Super Sons of Tomorrow. Feeling lost, and like he needs to explore himself, Jon (and Lois, who does not want to leave her son unattended, and intends to write a book about the experience) join Jor El in space.

(I highly do recommend you all read Man of Steel, because it's about as close as Bendis gets to writing genuinely well in this whole collection of books, and I can only screencap so much of the sheer amount of discussion that happens between the three Kents about Jon going on spacecation. Trust me, they didn't just shoo Jon off! They talked about it for what in comic time was AGES.)

This is where we get to issue 7 of Superman, where Jon returns from his vacation... as a seventeen year old.

As Jon himself says, he didn't get aged up magically- He lived those years. So, what actually did happen to him while he was out there? What happened during those six-to-seven years (depending on who you ask)?

First: What happens to make Lois leave?

The House of El suit Clark lends her to keep her safe makes her a target, a target that puts her in active danger (in exact opposition to what Clark intended), and so for her own safety she departs.

Leaving Jon alone with his grandfather. Who, as Jon says, has gone completely insane.

The nature of Jor El's insanity is revealed in the next issue, issue eight, as we reach what I and friends call the Jor El Nihilism Speech:

Jon follows Jor El's line of thinking for most of the conversation- He understands what it feels like to not belong in the story, because that fear of being somehow wrong was what brought him out here in the first place. Jor El, Jon Kent, both men outside of time, outside of belonging. Neither should exist. But Jor El takes it to a conclusion Jon doesn't accept: That it's a hopeless existence.

This makes Jon want to go home. Concluding Jor El has utterly lost it, he decides he needs to make a break for it somehow. Because of how far from Earth they are, he can't just fly off, so he attempts to get some help from some Green Lanterns:

It doesn't go well. At this point, Jor El stops speaking to Jon for awhile, and they spend... an indeterminate amount of time fighting through the galaxy, trying to solve people's problems. While not talking to each other. At all.

But when Jor El finally does try and talk to Jon....

Well. Here's the part you're probably reading this post for:

Yay! Its volcano time! An unexpected black hole throws Jon (and Jor, but we'll get to him later) through dimensions, landing him on Earth-3. At the feet of the Crime Syndicate.

If you're going to read ANY issue for yourself, I recommend it to be this one. The Ultraman stuff is not only perpetually relevant to Jon's story, its LIKELY going to be relevant again when Absolute Power: Super Son releases. Ultraman is the one member of the Syndicate who claims Jon as 'his':

And proceeds to imprison Jon in a volcano. As I am sure all of you know by now. The Volcano.

Ultraman and Jon trade some conversation back and forth, establish who each of them are, before Ultraman tells Jon he is never going home, and that this is home now:

It becomes quickly apparent that due to the lack of sun, Jon has no protection, no way of escape. He tries to fly out, but no dice:

And so stuck he is. For multiple years. With nothing but pigs to feed on, stuck with a monster who intends to 'train' him to his full potential:

But eventually, Jon escapes. He takes a rock, bangs a hole in the side of the Volcano, and gets himself out, relying on what little he has left of his invulnerability.

Now is a good time to mention a small misconception I see peddled around a lot: There is actually significant evidence pointing to the idea that Jon did NOT spend all six years in the volcano. After wandering Earth 3 for an indeterminate awhile, going from city to city and stopping to help people along the way, there is a strong suggestion by the way Bendis frames it that this was also years. I'd personally estimate Jon's time on Earth 3 was about half and half- Three ish years of the volcano, three ish years of surviving out in the wild. Anyways, Jon finds his way to the Syndicate's headquarters, encountering an evil version of Lois who tries to attack him. But surprise! Onto issue 9, we finally get to Jon's rescue!

Jor El was also displaced in the multiverse, of course- But we have no idea for how long, where, and what he did during this time. All we know is this: Jon wasn't just thrown across space and time, he was thrown backwards.

I think this is where the source of the most misconceptions come from: Its complicated to grasp! But very simply, the reason why Jon was able to live six years while everyone else stayed the same age was because he wasn't just thrown TO Earth-3, he was thrown backwards as well. Here's a chart I made about a year ago to try and visualize it:

If you're wondering how Jor El found him... we actually don't know. All we know is Jor El apparently made some fucked up arrangements in order to accomplish it.

And that kind of brings us back to the beginning, where Clark and Jon reunite. There are still a lot of unanswered questions, namely how Jor El managed to get Jon back in the first place, but this is essentially the rundown of the age up. So to recap very quickly: 1. No, Jon was not magically aged up. He lived those years. Its spacetime travel, not just space travel. He is mentally 17-18. 2. No, Clois didn't just 'let him go' with no conflict. It was actually a huge argument that ended up also really mentally fucking with Clark in later arcs. He goes to therapy with Khalid Nassour about it! 3. Jor El has a lot more to do with all this than he reasonably should. I could explain why he's alive but it would give us both an aneurysm- Just know in this story, he kind of serves as a foil to Jon.

Now, why did Bendis write the age up? Here's a post by a friend that gets into the metatextual reasons why this was a thing.

[sluggybunny]

I like to do these so I can look back and realize people actually like my original content. Real ego boost, sorry

Under the cut is more lore. Winner of the poll gets NSFW alphabet written for them. Anyone who actually reads this I’ll give you a award for handling my bad writing

SATURN

My beloved lying. Born and raised in the streets yet she holds no loyalty. Her mother left when she was very young and she always wondered why and kept searching

Through a series of unfortunate events, one involving having cyber ware installed i her head without her knowledge,Saturn had a brief stint as a BLT junkie. Using that word strongly. She doesn’t remember anything from those years. Only movies.

Her magical awakening changed that and fried parts of her brain. She’s free and after her revenge spree was done, she took to the shadows.

Her story is one about lies and abandonment. Her mother abandoned the clan and then abandoned Saturn. Saturn will always be left behind, no one can really love Saturn. She tricks herself into thinking that’s fine. It goes back to the movies. The roles we play.

She is incapable of normal fear. The only time she felt fear is when a certain someone said those three little wordszz

Kalatran

Kalatran is a mystery. Do you know about earthdawn? If not, it’s ok. We’d be here all day if I tried to explain.

He sacrificed everything for his people and for himself. His family are dead because of his own ambitions and his inability to truly recognize it has lead to a very cracked and dangerous person.

He’s paranoia and power hungry. The hunger comes from fear. Everything comes from fear. He’s so far into what he’s doing that confronting it is impossible. He can’t because there’s no justification for all the death and pain he’s cause for… what? He doesn’t remember anymore. Everything he remembers is gone. What does he remember besides himself?

Hush

Nobody likes Hush. Most hate him. And he knows it. They hate him because he’s better (he tells himself) they hate him because of envy (he tells himself) if he makes him as hateable as possible then he can hide the real flaws he’s insecure about.

Hush’s worst fear is failure. And in a way he has failed and is a failure. He’s lost on what to do now. All this time, all these years, his Identity and shield he’s built up has become nothing. Who is Hush?

Keys

Everyone likes Keys, I think. We love old men. And he’s divorced! He is someone who believes he’s irredeemable and awful. He lives within every day, so close to wanting to and it all.

What keeps him going is he just needs to protect. He can’t help it, it’s his nature. He wants to protect and love so badly. But believe it can’t happen, he’s too rotten and evil. But he can. He loves deeply for many things in life and especially the few friends he has left.

[prettyboykatsuki]

the itoshi brothers (and how bluelock handles betrayal as character motivation)

✦ or why i don't think sae hates rin afterall.

✦ a / n ; this absurdly long and absurdly extensive. my bad. also sorry if this is obvious to some people, sometimes it takes me a few reads fdfksj

i want to preface this by saying - i'm not really very invested in the itoshi brothers. or at least i wasn't originally. the character im usually most taken with is isagi, but i've sort of been wanting to dissect sae because i can't fully wrap my head around his character. and when i want to understand a character, i usually end up going through a re-read of their chapters and arcs - to get a feel for them and all.

sorry for the thick paragraph, but tl;dr this is the first time im really analyzing these two so if this is obvious to everyone else please ignore me asjdskjds

anyway. the analysis.

there's two things that need to be examined when taking a look at the itoshi brothers. the first being their relationship before sae took off to spain, the second being how bluelock sets up concepts like betrayal for the sake of improvement.

firstly - i think we need to address saes character on a base level. sae is shown to be relatively detached in general. whereas rin has forever been more of sensitive character - sae is critical and level-headed. i suspect this is partially accredited to his role as older brother.

but you'll notice that sae is significantly more gentle to rin. he's a good older brother, both encouraing rin to do well and play soccer with him. even if he lacks that sort of finesse with teammates.

from the beginning, rin idolizes his older brothers character. every goal he has is in some way relating to pleasing or impressing sae. it's not unusual for him to do as a younger brother, especially one who was obviously doted on by rin. it's very clear that rin loves his brother deeply and feels a need to earn his favor nearly always.

there's this conversation they have in ch.124 that really drew me to this conclusion and sort of shifted my perspective on this relationship. i had always figure that sae had experienced something in spain that we, the audience don't know. it's very bluelock for characters to change drastically due to some crushing defeat (case and point kunigami)

but i hadn't take into consideration what that event would've changed in these twos relationship where maybe i should've. the thing is that sae is always concerned about how rin will fare without him.

in this chapter, sae asks rin what he thinks about or considers with playing soccer and rin responds with something along the lines of - he's not really thinking. he uses instinct and has confidence his brothers passes to him. sae is of course critical of this.

aside from the very obvious affection that this two share - sae goes onto tell rin that he's going off to spain soon. he once again, encourages rin to do his best and not fall behind while he's gone. rin responds with of course, and promises to become best in japan while sae goes onto become best in the world.

from there, we see rins life as he continues to grow up while his brother is in spain for several years. rin is shown to feel a little bit lonely, but keeps his promise of dedicating his entire life to football. not only is he a good team-player, he spends his free time practicing alone because he has full faith in the promise that he made with sae when they were young.

whats noticeable to me is the way rin describes playing without sae as constricting or inconvenient. the sport doesn't quite feel the same without sae around, but rin continues to practice because he values his relationship to his brother.

it's coming directly off of a win that sae returns home and sees rin practicing, and it's here i had a realization about the nature of their relationship and their driving force.

and it's here where i really put together what the actual consequence of saes spain trip was.

but before i get to that, i want to touch on the way bluelock as a series handles the concept of failure and motivation. because there are two seperate instances where a character has some sort of major event happen to them - whether that be a kind of betrayal or a massive failure and that drives their character to improve farther.

the first one being kunigami and his transformation as the hyena. the second and imo - the more important one, the relationship between reo and nagi.

to keep it brief - nagi essentially 'betrays' reo by choosing to go with isagi and separate himself from reo in order to improve. while nagi doesn't entirely understand it as a betrayal (because he still considers reo a close friend) it is indeed a crushing moment for reo - who makes it his goal and his ego to be a player that nagi can play with.

in laymans terms - it's betrayal of a pairing that provides character development and is often used to highlight the intense bonds between two people. to be motivated by someone instead of something can only speak to how much you value that person, and want to play with them, right?

and that's where i want to pick up with rin and sae.

there are so many details about this scene to nitpick. so many things i want to shed light on because i just find it so interesting when i look carefully. sae returns home while rin is practicing on the field, and rin is incredibly excited to see his brother.

but it's obvious both to us as the audience and to rin that sae has changed somehow.

you can just tell that sae looks exhausted, where as rin has the same same expression as he did four years ago.

there are so many things in this panel that i think are worth analyzing. the fact that rin notices that sae has lost weight as a marker of just how much sae has changed. what he's been through.

and more specifically what sae says in order to summarize his experiences in spain.

"turns out the world is huge. there're players way better than me out there. i..i've changed my dream."

now, my understanding of japanese is none so i can't compare this to the raws. but i want to discuss the phrasing here with a little more nuance - specifically, i want to talk about the way sae has phrased the sentence.

you'll notice that sae does not say "my dream has changed". he instead says "i've changed my dream." and i think this is a testament to what happened to him in the fours years he was abroad. sae wants it to seem like its a choice he's made, if only to convince rin that he's fine with it. it's obvious that sae likely experienced whats very common for characters in bluelock - which is the mortifying realization that he was practically nothing in comparison to his peers.

we know what the means for sae as individual, in that he was deeply discouraged by what he understood as reality. but what does that mean for sae as an older brother? particularly an older brother who dotes on his younger brother.

rin is very against the idea of sae playing as a midfielder, and tells sae to his face that he doesn't want to see sae like this. he recognizes that saes change is actually stemming from a sense of defeat, and is against the idea of sae giving up his dream. and you can see in saes expression that he's saddened at rins reaction - thought he might've predicted it to some extent.

he's insistent on the fact rin doesn't understand, but hearing rin say "you're not the same brother i shared a dream with...!" causes the façade to crack momentarily. in the minute that sae is covered in shadow, we see his approach to rin changing.

and i think it's here i realized what the sudden attitude change was about.

sae goes onto to challenge rin to a one on one duel. he tells rin, that if you're able to win against me here then ill continue to believe in that dream. he absolutely crushes rin in the match, and when that match is over - rin finally confesses it outright.

its this moment where it all finally clicked for me that saes response here was entirely intentional. and the reason i know that to be true, and that the way he talks to rin here is insincere is because of the way he hesitates.

we get an entire panel where sae simply stares at rin and is silent. this isn't a gut reaction. we intentionally get to see the briefest moment where sae is hesitating to say all of this cruel shit to rin. because he knows rin will never stop idolizing sae or hoping for that dream.

and you'll notice the way he's using this moment to drill something in rins head for later on. he says something explicitly i want to talk to about

"don't use me as your reason to play football ever again."

its this moment that confirms it for me. this, on top of the fact we don't get to see saes expression when he says the last part. he's turned away from rin entirely - when he had been facing rin for most of this conversation.

that's the thing, though. sae to some extent, is familiar with the cruelty that soccer on the international level has to offer. in the early part of the manga, you see him have a similar reaction to bluelock and egoism as a concept. sae is intrigued by it and supports its core tenets to some extent, because he's seen professional soccer at its most brutal.

when you think about it, what reason does sae have to be so intentionally cruel to rin about not wanting to play football? if he was really so indifferent to rin, what reason would there be to crush him to that extent? wouldn't the appropriate response be just that, indifference?

sae's disposition is never naturally cruel. but his whims and feelings adjust based on input. he plays soccer and thinks very heavily about his moves. so if his experiences is telling him that he is no longer fit to be a striker, then what does that make of the promise he made to the younger brother he adored.

all of that to say, i think sae wants rin to become a striker and wants to continue playing soccer with rin. but he believes that if rin remains attached to him the way he is - he will never reach his full potentional. and in order to bring that full potential out - he's willing to be the catalyst and subsequently the villain rins story.

i think all of it, and the intentional salt in the wound is a mechanism for rins development which sae achieves by the end of u20 almost.

[s6onder]

ranting about miguel o’hara :)

miguel is a misunderstood character. a lot of people see him as a villain because of his displays of aggression, but i feel like they only focus on that part while forgetting that he's literally spider-man. miguel blames himself for his mistake and is taking responsibility for it while spot caused his own demise yet blames everyone else but himself. although miguel's not completely innocent, he's not the bad guy either. spot is the villain, miguel is the antagonist.

miguel taking the risk of replacing his deceased variant shows how important the role of a father/caretaker is to him. he must have been going through something like wanting to make better his trauma of having abusive parents. it makes sense for him to do such a thing because he could finally live the life he’s always wanted, and that was by being a good parental figure to gabriella as a way to heal himself. also, in this post, issue eight states that with the amount that miguel has been genetically altered, the possibility of him having children with someone isn't likely. this could be another reason as to why he wanted to raise gabriella as his own daughter.

when miguel was explaining how canon events worked to miles, he was completely calm. he wasn’t threatening miles nor showing any signs of hurting him. he explained everything while also understanding and comforting miles. this can tell us that he’s not prone to lashing out and is normally not an aggressive type of person.

claws in claws out

peter says that miguel has no bite and allows him to hold his daughter. the reason why? because peter knows that miguel wouldn't do anything to harm anyone. miguel retracts his claws when he gets his hands on miles, which shows that he doesn’t intend to hurt miles. however, when miguel attacks the go home machine, he does use his claws, though not on miles. in addition, peter and everyone else stand back to watch in shock because something like this has never happened. if this was a regular occurrence, they wouldn't seem so surprised and in horror as they do. they've never seen miguel so frustrated and angry before.

miles has gone through a lot by losing someone important to him and now knowing that his father is going to die. but at the same time, miguel had to watch his daughter die because he broke the canon. so, miguel got angry because miles took off running, which in his mind means that miles's condemning a universe. miguel wants to prevent miles's universe from collapsing so that miles doesn't have to go through what he went through.

i agree that his methods were extreme, but the culpability he feels as a result of his daughter’s death pushes him to take those measures. when he captures miles, he projects all of his pent-up emotions onto him. especially when he says, “and i have been the only one holding it all together.” the only one who can prevent the multiverse from complete doom is miguel, which is mentioned in the atsv art book. he pushes all of that responsibility onto himself, believing that he’s the only one in charge of protecting every single universe. this causes him an immense amount of stress, tension, etc. miguel didn't mean to go that far with miles, but the amount of pressure on his hands, someone going against his advice, experiences, and what he thinks is right is what made him snap. he doesn't want to live with the guilt of another universe being destroyed because if that did happen, it'll be his fault and i think that would completely break him all over again. he’s already lost so much, compelling him to maintain what he has at any cost.

when gwen says, “we’re supposed to be the good guys.” before she's sent away, you can see the uncertainty in miguel's expression after he replies, “we are.” he looks like he’s trying to reassure himself that what he’s doing is for the best, that what he's doing is right.

having an ai as his only source of company and pushing everyone away makes him lonely. most likely, he doesn't risk getting close to anyone because he doesn't want to lose anyone again. he doesn't want to carry the burden of losing someone and feel guilty if something like what happened to his daughter happened once again. he’s just a broken man who's been through a lot and let his emotions get the best of him.

[lorelune]

hey fellas and folks i have been meaning to write something up about this but haven't known where to start or where i'll end up. but i DO feel like it deserves addressing.

(having my joker moment joker moment)

i really love this niche. i found a home in it during a very difficult time in my life, and have found many friends and lasting irl connections from the writings shared and conversations had. this place is so incredibly, INCREDIBLY dear to me. despite going through many horrors (tm) while in this community, i continue to stay because there is a lot about it that i love.

however, in the last... i don't know, year or so? there has been such an abundance of discourse, gossip and drama both publicly and privately that has exhausted me to no end. these things have always existed, they always will, but in the past year they have felt so draining and despairing that it has made finding the same comfort and joy in this community is hard. a lot of times, impossible!

one of the things that genuinely makes me SO sad is the tags. i made most of my lasting friendships in this niche but seeing a writing in the tags that i enjoyed and dming the author and shouting together. i have found so many great writers in the tags, and i still crawl around them today looking for fic!! HOWEVER. i find it difficult, not just because of the abundance of vague smut-related comphet posts with a slew of character names underneath from unrelated fandoms (to each there own but it isn't a posting style i enjoy!) but moreso because of the INSANE number of posts by antis that get thrown into the tags. main tags, character tags, x reader tags. it is so deeply disheartening to be looking for fic to enjoy and get jump scared by a posts saying horrible things about those who enjoy dark content. respectfully if you're above the age of eighteen and looking for writing on tumblr dot gov, i HIIIIGHLYY recommend using your literacy to first read ANY article or study summary about human psychology and sexuality and why fantasy does not equal what someone actual desires! signed a sex-repulsed ace spec mf who writes and enjoys smut. hate to use myself as example, but i hate even more to see folks in the tags be puritanical and pro-censorship under the guise of progressive ideology.

i want to say that there are parties within this niche that are CONSISTENTLY at the center of drama and conflict. no matter what fandom, no matter the url changes and lurking, they are there and its the same mfs. this is a complete vague, as i'm sure the parties in involved in the targeted harassment and ensuing drama do not know who i am, nor know that i know. but i DO <3, and so do plenty of other writers in our niche who have politely blocked and left you alone. do us all a fucking favor and do the same, instead of instigating harassment and being hateful cunts.

in this vein, in my closer circle, i know that these events (especially in the last six months) have caused folks to become conspiratorial and assume bad faith. i understand this is a protective measure because folks have gone through the wringer. however it makes me so sad to see what is often folks who likely do not know any context or horrors of the community, be painted so poorly in casual conversations when most of the time, communication is made to create a connection, not to start a fight.

i find myself reflecting on WHY i have come to not feel comfortable in this community. why i don't enjoy writing the same way, why i don't feel the same security i once felt, why i get so damn nervous to post a silly thought or thirst on main, and i find myself coming back to these experiences and the subsequent fear that follows. perhaps i am a weak-hearted coward, but i find it hard to find joy when i feel surrounded by constant negativity and genuine cruelty. it is hard to want to share any of myself when i am so deeply aware that whether it is strangers or people i have become close to, what i enjoy and what i choose to express and share can be so easily twisted into something it is not.

i know it would be easier if i had a thicker skin, or felt secure enough that this didn't bother me, but part of the core problem is that this community has made me insecure. it's a loop. it is one that makes me genuinely sad, as this place once felt so much like home. i know it still can be, but it certainly won't be sitting here, starting at blank documents and text posts wondering to myself 'why can't i just put words on paper' while i have the cortisol levels of a prey animal.

i'm not sure if other folks have felt similarly, or find themselves in the same point. however if you do, or you find yourself resonating, here's to feeling seen 🥂

- papa salami (lore) 🌙

[honeyedmiller]

Hi! I’m not sure if you’re taking requests currently but I was wondering if you do if I could get a fluffy imagine with Frankie or Pedro where the reader is in her early 20’s and Pedro is his current age and just how navigating life dating each other would go (like an average day off for the two and the adventures and mischief they would get up to 🤭🥰) thank you!!

As someone who's in their early, almost mid-twenties, this is feeding into my delusions soooo bad LMAO but this is super cute. Thanks for the request!<3

warnings: (very much legal) age gap, fluff, a teensy bit of angst

You met him coincidentally at a PR event your school was holding, and he was one of the guest speakers. You were in your senior year of college, aiming for your Bachelor's degree in Communications with a concentration in PR. The industry always fascinated you, and you were fortunate enough to be chosen to be the one to ask him questions about his agency and the point of view from the celebrity's side. After the interview, you stayed back to help clean up the remnants of the event, and that's when he came up to you and shyly asked if you'd like to join him for a cup of coffee within the next coming weeks.

Since then, every day was a new adventure for you two. Sometimes they started off the same, as you happily made a Starbucks run that was close to Pedro's cozy home in Los Angeles. Sometimes, they started with the bed already empty, as he'd gone off to do an interview or press release of some sort.

And then there were days like this one, where you woke up to his lips softly pressing themselves all over your face. You look up at your lover, a smile never failing to spread across your lips.

"Good morning, honey." He coos at you as you stretch, a few bones popping in the process.

"Good morning, handsome." Your sleepy state makes Pedro melt as you reach up to brush the slightly graying hair away from his forehead.

You'll be completely honest—dating a man that was twenty-something years older than you has been a challenge. Not particularly with Pedro, because he wasn't the challenge at all. He treated you like a princess and made sure you were comfortable in all aspects of your relationship with him.

It wasn't that, no—it was the incredibly harsh comments you've gotten from the whole world, and how many weren't kind to you— more specifically when you two finally came out of the dark to say you've been together for over a year.

It subsided over time, but you'll still get nasty glances when you two are out in public just minding your own business. It's like the world forgets that you two are consenting adults.

If it weren't for the age thing, people would constantly accuse you of being a gold digger, only pining after Pedro for his money and his most recent successes. That just wasn't the case at all, and he knew that. He'd tell you to ignore the comments because only you two truly knew what went on in your relationship.

You tried so hard to ignore it, and it would work for a little while, until your overthinking mind would come collapsing onto you full force and you'd have a breakdown about it. You would go through the breakdown alone most of the time, mainly because you didn't want to burden Pedro or make him feel bad that the world could just be so cruel sometimes.

As time went on though, you became better at ignoring it. People finally got used to the idea of their beloved internet boyfriend actually being in a real-life relationship.

"Since I have the whole day off today, I was thinking we could go get some brunch and take a drive down PCH. The weather is really nice today." Pedro smiles down at you as he cups your cheek, his eyes scanning yours as he awaits your answer.

Getting out of the house would be really nice, especially since California had been experiencing some nasty storm weather in the recent months.

"I'd like that, mi amor." You grin as you peck his lips before lazily rolling out of bed, getting ready for the day alongside Pedro.

-

Pedro almost always insisted he drove whenever you two were together. Something about being his 'passenger princess', as he called it, satisfied a part of his need to take care of you. He knew you were more than capable, but as long as you were with him, it was nothing but love. His hand rested comfortably on your thigh as the warm breeze whipped through your hair as he drove down the busy streets of LA.

He pulled up to a regular brunch spot for you two on Melrose Avenue. Paparazzi was luckily nowhere to be found, at least to the naked eye, and you were grateful. It was overwhelming sometimes with how they loved to shove cameras in both of your faces. The lack of personal space was prominent every time they were around.

He held the door open for you and you gladly thanked him, immediately getting sat by the host. It was a weekday, so it wasn't busy at all. You noticed the few people that were in the cafe staring, though, but you kept your gaze either on Pedro or the decor of the quaint building.

"So, we have the whole day together. What would you like to do after the drive?" He reaches across the table to grad your hand, his thumb softly grazing the back of yours.

"I can think of a few things." Your grin is mischievous as you wiggle your eyebrows, causing him to laugh.

"Well there's definitely always that, too." His smile meets his eyes, giving your hand a light squeeze.

Your food arrived shortly and you graciously thanked your server as you began to eat the delicious French toast with blueberries and strawberries on top. You two sometimes ate in a comfortable silence, especially if the food was delicious. Just being in the presence of each other was enough to keep you both satisfied.

When the server brought the bill and left it on the table, you snatched it before Pedro could even reach for it and set your card down. He started to protest, but you shook your head.

"You already take care of me in many ways, mi amor. I need to treat you to stuff, too." You grab his hand on the table and raise his knuckles to your lips, kissing them.

"Fine." He sighs as the server comes back to collect your payment.

"I can see the headlines now—Y/n pays for brunch at cozy spot in LA. Is she really not a gold digger?" You mimic an intense news reporter tone, hands stretching in the air to quote the article title. Pedro laughs boisterously, shaking his head as his hand covers yours.

"What fools they are, everyone knows you're just with me for my money and devilishly good looks." He rolls his eyes and scoffs, the sarcasm dripping from his tone. You two giggled like schoolchildren at your petty jokes.

It was one of your favorite things to do with each other: make fun of ridiculous accusations from the press and turn it into your own little jokes, just between you two.

The server comes back with your card and you smile up at them, leaving a generous tip before signing the receipt and getting up from your chairs.

"Your chariot awaits, m'lady." Pedro sing-songs from behind you, the smile he's kept on your face for the past few minutes never receding.

"Why thank you, my noble knight." You lean up to kiss his cheek before he ushers you out of the cafe. His hand rests on your lower back before you reach his car, and he opens the passenger door for you.

"Thank you my honey." You saw paparazzi start to show up on the street, and he glances at them before looking down at you.

"Let's give them something to talk about, hm?" He quirks his eyebrow up before using the hand that rested comfortably on your lower back to pull you flush against his body, before dipping his head down to kiss you passionately.

You couldn't help but smile into the kiss before reaching up and locking both of your hands behind the nape of his neck. You were the first one to reluctantly pull away, your lungs burning and begging for air.

He ushers you into the car with a quiet 'watch your head' as you sink into the passenger seat of his car. He comes around and settles into his own seat, driving off to the highway with a beautiful view of the ocean.

You don't exactly know how you ended up here—hell, if you were to tell yourself this would be your life now, you wouldn't have believed yourself. Dating Pedro was as easy as breathing, despite the negatives along the way.

But, the positives always outweighed the negatives, and you were so fortunate to call this loving, goofy, humble man yours.

[the-orion-scribe]

The Stanchurian Candidate is more messed-up than we thought

I think the majority of the fandom is unaware of or often overlooked two major plot holes for this episode, which I think are best highlighted here. If anyone were to think deeper, this episode is actually super messed-up with many out-of-character moments.

Major Plot Hole #1: Why is Stan both insistent upon brutal honesty and somehow completely unable to handle himself in front of a crowd during his mayoral campaign? Public speaking and being a showman, often to these very people, was literally Stan’s entire job description for over half his life, so he should have no reason to be that awkward and incompetent. Suddenly insisting upon brutal honesty is also completely out of character for him. (Seriously, if Stan managed to not spill anything about Ford during the Truth Teeth episode, how is he suddenly incapable of lying here?) But even this massive break in character pales in comparison to…

Major Plot Hole #2: (This one is deeper than the Bottomless Pit.) How are Dipper and Mabel just completely OK with using the mind-control tie on Stan, without even seeking his consent first? Especially given that Dipper was possessed by Bill (and, based on the events of the very next episode, definitely traumatized by the incident) not more than two weeks prior? I am positive that such an incident could be never forgotten so easily by either of the twins, but particularly by Dipper. Yet he raises no objection beyond “that’s… ethically ambiguous!”

Even when Soos was very visibly frightened after having the Tie “tested” on him, Dipper and Mabel just laughed at his pain and fear. Keep in mind that just a few episodes prior, the twins risked their lives and/or existences just to fix Soos’s issues with his birthday. I hardly think they’d be inclined to laugh at his pain and distress for any reason.

And, because I know someone will suggest it, the twins’ memories of the Sock Opera could not have been wiped by the Society of the Blind Eye, since 1) the Society was destroyed less than a week after the Sock Opera, and 2) in the Journal 3 entry corresponding to s2e11: Not What He Seems, Dipper directly references his being possessed by Bill, meaning he remembered the experience at that point (after the Society was gone), and would therefore also remember it during the events of The Stanchurian Candidate.

And also quoting from a conversation with @detectivejigsawpines, The twins literally overrode their uncle’s autonomy and took over his body without his knowing consent. And Ford should have known better, considering he was doing the same thing Bill did.

But I’m not being entirely fair. Though it pains me to say it, The Stanchurian Candidate does still have good points, despite all these faults. It is, of course, still an episode of Gravity Falls, and was, according to the credits, written by the same people as the rest of the series.

In actuality, the episode is quite good when viewed completely in a vacuum. Were this the first episode of the show that someone ever saw, they would (probably) not think it was bad. Without the greater context of Sock Opera and the personality traits the main cast has firmly established throughout the first season and a half, there would be nothing amiss about any of their actions.

In addition, the selfless love of Grunkle Stan still shines through in this episode, when he doesn't hesitate to break off his campaign speech and rescue Dipper and Mabel who are in great danger.

When viewed from that mindset, it’s alright. There are good jokes, fun moments, and the villain-of-the-week is soundly beaten in a satisfying manner. Still not the best episode in the series by a long shot, but not the worst either.

Of course, since Gravity Falls is a very story-based cartoon, you can’t consider this episode in a vacuum, which is where all the problems come from. Even the initial premise of the wacky mayoral election and why Stan wants to participate in it don’t make sense unless you understand something about Gravity Falls as a town, and Stan as a person, respectively.

Idea for a fix: My head canon has become that the majority of the episode (basically everything after they get back from the town hall) was a dream Stan had, since I think the writers may have intended for it to be an episode addressing the “stuff” Stan mentions he has been dealing with later, in “[Twins] vs the Future.” I feel this makes sense because, stylistically, the bulk of the plot appears less like a standard episode and more like the stories Stan sometimes tells throughout the series (such as those in the non-canon s2e06: Little Gift Shop of Horrors), which tend to feature exaggerated behavior and a slight sense of ‘unreality’ (compared to the baseline). Therefore, him having a vivid, all-the-negative-emotions-fueled dream that distorts his family members in somewhat disturbing ways makes a lot more sense than “and then Dipper and Mabel were randomly and - most significantly - gleefully supervillainous (and surprisingly, given their personalities, competent politicians) for one episode.”

Thoughts? Opinions? Soundly reasoned rebuttals?

(Above written with assistance from @callipraxia and @theoryofweirdness)

[actualbird]

on marius' personal sweet chapter stories.....i just wanna talk about The Thing these stories (both sweet chapter story 1 and 2) are Doing and how it makes me really emotional cuz like

in marius' sweet chapter 1 story: we see marius and mc help out timmy through his grief of having recently lost his older brother. throughout the entire thing, marius struggles with his own emotions and feelings about giann's disappearance.

in marius' sweet chapter 2 story: we see that in marius' efforts to protect pax and the von hagen name so that giann will have a good standing to return to once he's found, marius finds himself inevitably having a hand in firing kenji, who takes the fall protect marius. kenji, whom marius sees as an older brother figure to him as well.

whats going on in both these stories: marius' emotions and fears being prodded at, even to the point of intense anger in sweet chapter 2, because the events make him go through whats essentially a secondhand experience of losing a brother.

in terms of this possibly being foreshadowing, i feel very "ONE FEAR" about it all because it's uhhhhh not looking good for giann von hagen ;-;

but in terms of characterization and story, i feel elated because it's these kinds of stories that really show off marius' character, especially the traits and feelings that he tries to hide or sweep under the rug.

in sweet chapter 1, marius consistently brushes off mc worrying about his feelings and then, once he does finally talk about his feelings, he does so in a very emotionally detached kind of way (i wrote more in depth about marius and emotional distancing in this analysis here).

to emotionally distance one's self is, one way or another, a method by which to avoid confronting something head on. timmy's experience paralleling marius' own worries and life is something that marius is afraid of tackling. because thats family hes talking about. and family means the world to him.

in sweet chapter 2, the revelation that kenji did what he did to protect marius got marius absolutely enraged the moment it became clear kenji, an older brother figure to marius, sacrificed himself for marius' sake. thats something that terrifying for marius, because thats not how it's supposed to go, for him. hes the one whos supposed to be protecting people, to shoulder the responsibility so others can get out unscathed, hes the one who needs to take on these burdens not because of pride or anything, but because he wants people to stop getting hurt because of him.

other people getting hurt for marius' sake is one of marius' biggest fears. it pops up so often in all his stories, either the fear itself and/or the measures he takes to prevent other people getting hurt: his childhood guilt over thinking he caused his mother's death (SSR All Through The Night), him moving to florence for his studie so that austin and giann wouldnt get bad press about the whole pax civil war succession thing (SSR Precious Mornings), him worried about causing a man's suicide (SSR Daytime Aurora), him guilty over his friend who got hurt in his name (SR Vibrant Graffiti) like my god, and those are just the ones off the top of my head!!!!

he even says this outright in the story, right after the confrontation with kenji

to marius, kenji taking the fall for him is another person who got hurt because of him. and the fact that he did it willingly to protect marius makes it worse, because thats such an older brother thing to do isnt it? marius saw him as family. family means the world to him.

but marius did not want to be the cause for another person having to suffer, and for another person having to be gone, in a way.

sweet chapter 1 showed us grief from the perspective of a younger brother whose older brother passed away.

sweet chapter 2 showed us an older brother sacrificing himself for a younger brother and having to leave because of that.

now remember what i said about secondhand experiences paralleling onto marius' life and his own worries about giann? yeah. like, no wonder marius got so affected, upset, and emotional in both these stories;

he doesnt want to say goodbye.

[starlightshadowsworld]

So in comics there's definitely been and are characters that everyone just agrees that they have to die.

And stay dead.

Think of Thomas and Martha Wayne, Uncle Ben etc.

Now these have changed from what they were initially

After Death in the Family, Jason Todd was supposed to stay dead.

And he did, for 17 years before coming back as the Red Hood.

Like there was a fake out in Batman: Hush that it was Jason and it was wild.

Bucky Barnes, also meant to stay dead and did so for 37 years.

... 37?!

Before becoming the Winter Soilder.

And these aren't in universe years, this is real world time.

Now it's hard to imagine them not wandering about.

So I'm trying to think what 3 characters I think should stay dead.

At least for the forcible future.

And who's dead that should be bought back.

.

Staying dead: Jason Grace (Percy Jackson: Heroes of Olympus.)

Yeah... I know.

I love him I'm still holding out hope he will return but I don't think it's coming.

I say think because... Leo.

Jason Grace is the perfect example of, I followed the rules, I did everything I was supposed to and I still lost everything.

He's the perfect soilder, the paragon of heroism and he fell sacrificing himself to save his friends.

I think it's best if Jason stays dead because his death is used to show the fragility of human life.

Of the harrowing lives demigods lead.

His final words are punctuated by him staring at Lester, Apollo in his eyes as he's stabbed.

And telling him to remember.

Remember what you saw, remember the way my life drained from eyes.

Remember this day, and know I'm not the first nor the last.

It's such a powerful moment.

Especially because Apollo gets to know Jason and is hit throughout the book that Jason is so young.

That he's just a kid.... that they all are.

Demigods aren't promised happy endings.

Most don't live to be adults, and it's perfectly and tragically shown perfectly through Jason's death.

He just got the life he wanted, found out Leo's alive... And than in a moment it was all gone.

Also, for Jason who's served 14 years at 16, he deserves to rest a while.

.

Coming back to life: Summer Rose (RWBY)

Didnt see that coming, I was very much on the "Oh my gosh can we not... Can she just stay dead" train.

Now look at me.

To be fair we know more than we did than and I am really interested to know what happened to Summer.

What happened to STRQ in general to be honest.The tragic death that no one speaks of.

Who's events seem to be only known by Summer herself.

And with the rise of Grimm like the Hound, a beast made of both grimm and silver eyed warriors.

With the note from Ruby and Yang that Summer could have been the turning point.

From Salem killing silver eyed warriors to capturing them.

Given Salem was trying to kill Maria when she was young, now am old lady.And has only ever tried to capture Ruby.

That and Grimm Summer is just the concept ever, I wanna see Summer Rose the paragon of being a huntress be an underling for Salem.

Especially if she's not as reluctant of a follower as we may believe.

.

Staying dead: Junko Enoshima (Danganronpa)

Junko is that werid one of I want her to stay dead but like keep her memory alive.

Because it makes sense too, woman caused the apocalypse.

And if we're still operating in that universe it makes sense she'd be bought up, especially after the fact.

But I don't think Junko herself should be bought back.

I get why they did it in Danganronpa 2 because it made sense.

But after, I don't think Junko needs to keep being our main bad guy.

I think exploring the word, her followers and hell people have nothing to do with her would be a lot of fun.

If they do bring her back I'm not gonna be mad, just think hey if we can have multiple protags it'd be fun to have multiple villians too.

She can't carry all of this on her own.

If they do bring her back, kinda defeats the purpose of her death.

Of why it meant so much to her, why she had to lose to Makoto the ultimate hope and her own class.

She lost but she also won.

It's such a huge thing and to bring her back and than kill her later it really deminishes the impact her death had.

... That and...She'd need a whole new body because who knows what happened to her corpse.

.

Coming back to life: Matsuda Yasuke (Danganronpa)

Speaking of followers of Junko I'd like to see.

We know little about Matsuda, given he's only appeared in Danganronpa Zero.

I think him being around would be really interesting especially in a world where Junko stays dead.

Because Matsuda is that complex thing of being someone infatuated and in love with Junko.

He was her childhood friend and boyfriend after all.

But also someone who wants her to change.

He created a version of her devoid of despair and he'd be happy to keep her that way.

Which is a unique perspective because most Junko followers think she's the most perfect thing ever.

And I think having that perspective would make for an interesting story.

Because no one really sees Junko as a fully realised person, not even Mukuro her own sister.

Also even aside from Junko, Matsuda also plays a huge role in the killing game's.

He's the one responsible for the memory wipes.

Being the Ultimate Neurologist.

I personally would love to see the memory stuff explored given it was always second to the killing games.

I get why but it's so cool and not something we talk enough about. Wonder if he was scouted by Hope's Peak not just for having a talent but for it's usages.

Say... The Kamakura project 👀.

I dunno but I think Junko's boy toy deserves some time in the spotlight.

.

Staying dead: The Grabber (The Black Phone)

His death was not only deserved.

It was fucking satisfying.

Watching Finney use everything the other boys gave him to beat that fucker.

That has kept him hostage, killed several others and is now getting his just deserts.

Was glorious.

... And I'm well aware that there's a sequel coming.

And I'm just hoping he stays dead.

Because not only do the ghost boys, Finney and Gwenny deserve to rest.

The Grabbers death was just perfectly set up and delivered so brutally.

That him being alive and returning to die later kinda ruins the ending.

Because it's Finney's fight to freedom.

I mean if that's the way they go with it, I can't say I'm not intrigued but yeah... Not in a rush to see him again.

Would much rather see someone else wear that mask.

.

Coming back to life: Sammy Emily (Five nights at Freddy’s)

The fact everyone dies and comes back to life in this series.

But not Sammy is a crime.

I'm sorry but the story about the mysterious twin brother of the girl who becomes the puppet.

Is something I wanna see.

I know he's only been mentioned vaguely in the Silver Eyes books.

But that's only more reason.

Just Sammy who's thought be dead for years raised by his mother and having an unexplainable connection to Freddys.

I mean tons of kids in the Fazbear Frights books have been drawn or compelled to go to Freddys.

His would make the most sense.

Maybe Williams after him?

Maybe it's Charlie in the Pizzaplex recognising and calling out to him.

Maybe he's the new night guard at the place trying to figure out what happened here... And why it feels familiar.

Maybe he knows about Freddy’s but he knows Charlie was taken and killed.

A parallel to Charlie thinking it was him in the original books.

Maybe he's out for revenge or just trying to find his missing sister.

There's so many possibilities.

I'm just saying if we can get a book about Sea Bonnie's we can get a Sammy Emily story.

.

Well that's my list.

Feel free to add your own, I'm curious.

[lady-byleth]

Random fandom switch of the day brought me back to Donten ni Warau and I realized just how fucking shitty the situation is the twins are born into and what especially Isuke (I like the names the movie gave them sm) has to live with

The Fuuma are weakened and in hiding, shinobi having grown mostly obsolete since the end of the Sengoku period and since the story plays at the start of the Meiji period there's the whole Edo period between these events so the Fuuma probably aren't doing great in general even without the ceremony whittling their numbers down cuz work is nonexistent for shinobi

So the Fuuma are a dying clan, desperately clinging to life

And into this the twins are born

But as twins they're considered bad luck and Isame is supposed to be killed but their parents refuse and hide Isame away

They probably manage to get by at first cuz the twins either switch places without anyone noticing until they get caught and Isame has to stay in hiding indefinitely or cuz Isame is always kept hidden and never really has any freedom

Isuke grows up watching his brother suffer cooped up in a cave while he and his parents have to pretend he doesn't exist so despite clearly adoring each other they have very little time together

Meanwhile Isame lives completely shut off from the world and watches his brother lead the life he's always wanted too

All they want is to live openly as a family and be useful to the clan

At the same time the people around them have to constantly kill each other off cuz of the ceremony demanding each potential Fuuma between the ages of 4 and 10 kill someone they care about

Then the ceremony comes around for Isuke and he's forced to kill his own father so now his mother can't look at him anymore

As a chosen candidate for next clan chief Isuke vows to change the Fuuma so his brother and mother can live in peace and cuz no one should have to suffer through the ceremony the current chief insists on

Of course it doesn't take long for Isame to be discovered again, he and their mother are captured and sentenced to death

She tries to save her son but is set on fire and falls off a cliff, Isame tries to save her but Isuke cuts off her hand to save his brother...which is when she smiles at him for the first time since he killed his father

So now Isuke has personally ended the lives of both his parents and is still looking at a clan chief who wants him to kill his brother

Then the chief also kills his best friends for talking back

Anyway, he and Isame kill the chief and now they're the chiefs but the Fuuma are still hanging on by a threat, shinobi are still obsolete, the Orochi is still gone, so what do two deeply traumatized teenagers decide to do?

Bring back the age of shinobi

Because, as the series likes to remind us of, shinobi don't know how to be anything but shinobi, they have no other purpose and were never thought to find another purpose for themselves

But in a world where shinobi are needed, necessary or even in charge there is absolutely no need for the ceremony, no need to hide away from the world, no need to watch their own clan fall apart in obscurity

They'd be free

Isuke, as the driving force in his and Isame's duo, comes up with a plan that will restore everything for the Fuuma and Isame of course happily goes along with it

Except Isuke inserts himself into the Kumo clan and spends 10 years living the way he's always wanted to, with a family that he can openly dote on and he begins to waver

Isame meanwhile has to once again watch his brother live a life he can't be part of

The 4-koma about them really shows he's just a needy little brother who wants Isuke's attention

Isuke gives up everything with the Kumo brothers because his biggest desire is still to give his brother and clan a good life but instead of getting that the Kumo destroy not only his plans but also the very reason the clan exists in the first place and the one thing Isuke had to actually make his dream come true

The Orochi

And to avoid that from happening Isame sacrifices himself

So now Isuke has killed his parents to survive and keep his brother alive, given up on the peaceful life he always wanted for his brother, made himself into the villain and cut all ties for his brother only for his brother to die

And he can't go back to the Kumo either cuz if he leaves the Fuuma to fend for themselves...they, without guidance, will die out for real and everything he's done would be completely in vain

Isame's sacrifice would be in vain

Everything he's ever done since the ceremony, where he was at most 10 years old, would have been completely pointless the second he goes back to the one place he was ever even a little bit happy in

The twins, especially Isuke, were born into a time and place where everything was falling apart around them, a time and place they could not be happy in and had no way out of because thinking as anything other than shinobi was not something they were ever taught, and in trying to fix things they lost what precious little they had instead

In his own words, Kinjou Shirasu is dead and Fuuma Isuke will never smile again

And this is why the twins make me cry every fucking time

The End

[googly-eyed-plank]

If The Outlaws Had YouTube Channels (Part 3)

LADY GABBY • Gabby started her channel a few weeks after her Instagram started to pick up, as anyone does, and started advertising her channel through her other socials, gaining it some leverage on the platform. • She posts anything and everything she feels like, when she wants, when she thinks of it. Anything from positivity videos, to life updates and storytimes, to make-up tutorials, all of which have a very successful view count. • She's livestreamed on the platform a few times, most often for charity streams and drumming up support for sponsors or organisations, but rarely does these out of her own free will, as she prefers the live options of Instagram and TikTok. • After moving in with Greg, he was in more and more of her videos, and it's painfully obvious that a lot of the time he was not made aware of this fact before Gabby started reocording. He tries his best to make it work, though - anything for his best friend, and Gabby appreciates the gesture (the Q&As are especially fun!). • Gabby's subscriber count rapidly increases all the time, but now stands at around 1.8 million; a lot of which came over from her Instagram to get more content. • She does find herself getting hate comments from time to time, and in th past would've dwelled on them, but now in an attempt to better herself, tries to ignore or delete them. She tries to like a lot of the positive comments she recieves, but if Greg has commented on a video, you know it's getting pinned - he's become somewhat of a channel highlight.

GREG • Greg did not want to start a YouTube channel. "I don't really want my face out there," he explains, only for Spencer to refute, "I'm sure a lot of people also don't." • In the end, he was pressured into it - no, not by Gabby, but by Spencer, who was hoping to get a few cheap laughs out of Greg making a fool of himself and potentially going viral for it. More Greg content is more Greg content, after all. • He eventually decided it could be somewhat therapeutic to just talk to the camera sometimes, and get things out (and uploads these privately), and otherwise he makes little vlog-like videos of his and Gabby's outings, so they can have a record of the good times (these are usually more popular). • Greg does fairly well for himself at 2k subscribers, consisting of Gabby, Spencer and his alt account, Community Service friends, and majorly subscribers of Gabby's who also really like him. The number intimidates him quite a lot, though. So many people...

SPENCER • Spencer started his channel when YouTube was becoming popular, completely convinced that the up and coming platform would flop lifeless without his cool and suave presence... It would not have, but let him think what he wants to think, I suppose. • His early videos are mostly of him playing guitar and singing - the first of which was that old classic "Wonderwall", which he's sure people will love only because he's singing it this time. • As well as this, he eventually starts making videos talking about his cases but moreso events that have occured in real life, usually revolving around putting Greg down. • Whenever transcripts of Greg's cases become available, he gets his hands on them as soon as possible, and does a live reading and reaction, if you will, pointing out and teasing where Greg has gone wrong. He's basically just a Greg reaction channel that does singing on the side. • Spencer's channel is not as popular as he'd like it to be, and he chalks it down to the bad algorithm; he currently has 30 subscribers, and some of those are his alt accounts that he uses to anonymously comment on Greg's videos.

[letadlock]

Barefoot Gen

WOW. I had heard about this anime being a hard watch and have seen the clips of the melting citizens online prior to watching the film film and my god, I sobbed... multiple times. Barefoot Gen contains the compositional beauty of a Miyazaki film with the added artistic depth of historical documentation.

I highly appreciate the telling of this massacre through animation that tells the story from the viewpoint of a survivor. Rather than reading a list of facts from a textbook we see Gen's life from before the bomb to during and the devastating events that take place after. I don't think a live action film could suffice the damage this anime depicts not only because we can't go back and film what has happened but also due to the artistic direction taken to show the bomb's drop. A moment of deafening silence is heard and the use of black and white to show where the light was effecting people and places was a series of shots I especially admire.

A scene in particular that had me crying the most was the depiction of the mother and her baby melting. The mother tries to protect her baby from the radiation but is too late and they both suffer the effects.

Even more chilling was the way the bomb DID NOT ALWAYS KILL PEOPLE?!?? If death wasn't bad enough I was shocked when the people who had suffered the radiation with skin peeling off had got up and started walking. I was under the impression this was an instantaneous death but even worse they had to endure the pain of the bomb's effects and keep living knowing their families and homes may be gone.

The scene where Gen and Ryuta fight with the sick man and his gratitude towards Gen when the boy slaps him was an enlightening one. After all these people had been through, facing economic hardship, loss of loved ones, destruction of their homes, and now disease and bodily impairments how could others in the community treat the disadvantaged so poorly? The social effects outcasting the victims is heartbreaking. Were the physical effect of the bomb on their city and families not already punishment enough?

This angrily motivated act of personal contact was enough to send the man into tears because he had been deprived of any contact by his family members for fear of contracting his illnesses. While not under the same circumstances, this scene reminded me of similar treatment AIDs victims underwent in the 1980s and 90s. AIDs patients not only dealt with the physical implications of their disease but were socially outcasted out of fear you could contract the disease by proximity. Princess Diana was the first public figure aired on television to shake the hand of a man who had AIDs, nationally broadcasting this stigma was not backed up by any truth.

I am glad to have seen this film and I admire Gen's ability to keep high spirits about the future despite witnessing multiple deaths in his family firsthand. I think Barefoot Gen should be shown in school's to older teens as a cultural example giving a deeper depiction of the nuclear bombs dropped on Japan that textbooks cannot replicate.