#especially if you haven't reread them recently

[plebbypebblepleb]

Merry Christmas to my lovely moots!!

and almost happy birthday to me~ fufu, it's the 27th if you havent heard me yapping already! :3

So, to begin this, I want you all to know how much you really mean to me. Everyone here has been a huge part of the reason why i'm still doing art. I've been working on this and hinting at it since the start of the month!

I've been so excited to finish this project, and I hope that this will brighten up your holidays. Keep in mind, EVERYTHING IS PLATONIC!!

also, the order doesn't mean anything. it's just random! (i didnt even finish the drawings in this order, so i have actually 0 idea why it's like this lmao)

AND NO !!! I DONT HAVE FAVORITES. PLEASE DONT BE SAD IF YOUR NOTE IS SHORTER THAN OTHERS!! I JUST INTERACT MORE WITH THEM/HAVE KNOWN THEM LONGER. YOU ALL ARE SOOO IMPORTANT TO ME!! I PROMISE GUYS 😭😭😭

✦ Find your @, and read what I wrote for ya! Then, scroll all the way down for a little surprise ;3 ☆

Without further ado, LETS GET IT STARTED! 🩷🎀

@pr3tty-0n-the-inside,

where do i even begin? through my entire time in the outsiders fandom, you've been there and encouraged me throughout it. you complimented my silly crossovers, and we've overall had the best conversations. you've encouraged me throughout the entire magical girl series, and you're a big reason on why that was finished. thank you SO MUCH for being in my life. thank you for randomly messaging me when we became moots. thank you thank you, thank you. I hope you have wonderful holidays, you deserve it.

Your humor is so amazing, and I always find myself laughing whenever I talk to you. I love your roleplay account and just how you interact with people, and I love your personality.

“my fuckass computer unplugged, kill me” poetry. Words of an angel.

also, be a little nicer to yourself :3

@qqtofu,

i know we haven't talked that much, but i really do admire your art so much! you've been a huge inspiration to me, and just looking at your art gives me inspiration to draw! rin is my favorite vocaloid, and gosh, you really do her justice! i mean, how could you not? you're so super talented! and you're super sweet as well, I hope you have a great christmas/any holiday you celebrate, and i'd love to get to know ya better! <3

@charlie-bonkerz,

we've recently become moots, I know, but you still deserve to be celebrated! you have been so super supportive and I always have a smile on my face while reading your messages!

sometimes, I'll admit, I scroll back to that one compliment you gave when I'm feeling insecure about my art. (ponyboy drawing) I keep rereading it and it's been motivating me to continue doing art. Seriously, I can't stress how much those big compliments mean. I don't receive a lot of support for my art irl and your words really do have a huge impact on me.

thank you so much for being in my life, I wouldn't trade your friendship for anything. Also you're stunning.

@deim0sdread,

DALLAS!!!! thanks so so much for being in my life, you've genuinely encouraged me so much, and I couldn't be happier that I'm your friend! your oc was so fun to draw! thank you for your requests on the magical girl series, getting requests always makes my day so much better, and I get so happy whenever people show that they like my art! especially you, when I first saw how much you liked my art, I almost cried. You're the sweetest, merry Christmas / happy holidays (I'm not sure what you celebrate, but have fun with whatever it is :3) 🩷🎀

@sugarberry-beetle,

kk!! :o your oc was so cute and fun to draw! I'm so glad you randomly popped into my messages! our conversations always make me smile, and the way you type is sooo cutteeee 🩷🎀 thank you for calling my art cool, yours is 18.52% cooler than mine!!! >:333 merry Christmas/happy holidays kk!!!! :D keep creating art, id love to see it! and never give up writing! It's so adorable! DALBIT!!!!

@eepyguy1987,

youve been nothing but kind to me in messages and in my inbox! thank you so much, you make me so happy whenever i see an ask/message for you, and you're definitely a highlight of my days! thanks for being in my life!

@magefelixir,

hey there Felix! I know we don't interact much, but when we do, it's always a blast! your compliments and you expressing how much my art means to you is such a huge push for me to keep creating. If I'm going to be honest, that mesmerizer drawing was created in my head because of you! I'm so thankful for you, mwah 🩷

@cheryyy-valancce,

Cherry, you're genuinely such an amazing person and a kind soul. Your encouraging words and just compliments overall have seriously brightened up my days so much. Our endless reblogs talking about random stuff, and our conversations about vocaloid have been soooo sweet. I love interacting with you in character and out of character, because you're just so amazing to talk with!

Being your friend has been so memorable this year, and I couldn't be more grateful. I love you, cherry! I hope you have wonderful holidays!

@greasergirllll,

we haven't interacted much as of lately, but I do remember when we did, and gosh. That was so fun. You encouraged me so much to really finish off the greasers as magical girls series! Thanks so much, really. Im so grateful for our conversations, and I hope we can talk a bit more soon! 🩷🎀🌟 Happy holidays :3

@nexternalknowsthingz,

HEY THERE NEX!!! youve been such a huge inspo to me.. I don't know if you remember but I commented on a post of yours waaaayyyayay before I even started on any outsiders works.. and you responded and called my art cutee...ababahshaba

ok maybe maybe maybe I was squealing and blushing a bit and maybe I was rereading that comment

BUT!!!! gosh, youve seriously encouraged me so much. Your art is always so fun to see, and I love being moots. Thanks so so much for being my friend, and I hope you have amazing holidays! Hope to get to know you more :3

@boxxy-roxxy,

Rui, your art is sooo pretty. I love the down turned eyes and your colors, seriously, you're insanely talented! I'm so honored to be friends with such an amazing artist, and I still cherish that art trade we did. :3 the way you draw Johnny is so cute, and I LOVE seeing new art from you! I've said this before and I'll say it again. Seeing new art from you is like opening a Christmas present! Never stop, because then I'll miss ya!! (Unless you take a break, even then, I'll support you! You're awesome!!🩷🎀)

@six-eyed-samurai,

When I first saw your tokyo rev stuff, I was like, "woah!! that's cool!" and followed you. Pretty soon after were the long ass asks for the texts and such, and I was so happy when you answered them. I'm gonna be honest, I loved reading your authors notes more than I liked reading the actual texts.

Being able to call you my friend has been such a blessing, from the times you put up with my weird requests, all the way to now. Our headcanons have been so fun to make, and yes. In another universe, we're performing APT. with rindou, ran, inupi, and koko. It's been an amazing year, and I loved every second that was spent with you.

yes. you are a masochist. I don't understand WHY YOU ENJOY GRAPE FLAVORED CANDY?! ITS NOT SANE. ITS NOT AND I WILL STAND BY THE FACT THAT YOU BELONG IN AN ASYLUM. ALSO IM NOT WEIRD FOR DRINKING VINEGAR, ITS LITERALLY GOOD. YOURE CRAZY.

im so happy we can bond over Haikyuu, Tokyo rev, and bsd, and I can't wait to see how your novel develops as you keep writing it! You'll never understand how much you mean to me because I lack to vocabulary to express it. I love you so, so much sunny. I can't wait for my next Christmas with you. 🩷🎀🌟

@redfielddoesthings,

Carmim, jeez. I've been putting off your letter for so long since I just didn't know what to write. you're one of my best best friends, and I enjoy your company so much. Talking with you brightens my day in a matter of seconds. I love the way you type, I love your humor, I love your art, I love your ocs, I love your style, I love you. please never ever change.

You've told me many times that you enjoy how enthusiastic I am, even when I ask if I should calm down around you. I never showed it but you have no clue how much that means to me. I've never really had anyone before this that enjoyed how energetic I was, and to finally know what it's like is a dream come true. Your encouraging words and just overall kindness have been motivating me to continue drawing and doing what I love.

Calling you my friend is such an honor, and I'd never trade it for anything. My life was a boring ass textbook before this, but you took some silly little highlighters in a bunch of colors and scribbled all over the pages. you've lit up my life so much and I can't thank you enough. I love you carmim, /p.

also if you ever say "my art isn't all that" ever again I'm leaking our "insiders" chats. 😋😋😋 I WILL STAND FOR NOTHING BUT COMPLIMENTS FOR YOURSELF

ALRIGHT! the final message before I let you guys go on with your Christmas!

Sometimes I forget how much I'm loved, and how lucky I am to have you all in my life. Being friend with you guys makes me so grateful and helps me realize that people DO enjoy seeing my art. I mentioned this in a few messages, but I do not get much support from the people around me regarding my art. Your compliments mean SO much to me, and I couldn't be happier that I've met all of you.

going back to "forgetting how much I'm loved," I'm sure you guys do too. Keep this as a reminder of how much I care about you and how much you mean to me. You deserve everything and more, and I can't stand to know that a world exists where I don't have all of you. I don't wanna think about the fact that you guys may feel that someone doesn't care about you, because I do. I need you to know that I do care and I will always be here for you. I love you guys so much, and I could never be happier.

AND WITH THAT, WE'RE FINISHED!!!🩷🎀

time taken (for everything combined) : ~22hrs 50m

[altruistic-meme]

honestly? i am personally so over the trend of cringing at your old fics. my writing when i was 13 wasn't great but it WAS passionate and it FUCKED. and most importantly if it didn't exist then i wouldn't be a writer now.

[earlyspringtranscendence]

ik im talking a lot abt the books im reading rn (this is due to the fact that after eons of not having the time or energy i am once again reading books) but theydies i can happily announce that after 2 unsuccessful weapons and wielders books soulbrand has truly captured my enamoration once again i’m kissing keras lovingly and tenderly (the only way to kiss him)

[sysig]

Your Weekly TV Guide

On Monday you can expect:

2:30 PM: Star Control II - Princess

And Tuesday:

2:30 PM: SCII - Pirates

Wednesday:

2:30 PM: SCII - Pirates

Thursday:

2:30 PM: SCII - Pirates

Friday:

2:30 PM: SCII - Pirates

Saturday:

2:30 PM: SCII (&fic!)

Sunday:

2:30 PM: Requestober Day 1!

Thanks for tuning in! (Patreon)

[onboardsorasora]

Wanted some soft boys today. Also totally misread an anon ask from months ago lmao, this isn't what our bestie asked for but hopefully this is ok as well. Also, I haven't reread this so hopefully it reads well and there's no mistakes

Part 1 | Part 18

Max woke slowly, overwarm with hot breath puffing onto the crook of his neck. For a microsecond, in what felt like the time between all five red lights going out and the green lights illuminating, Max thought Adult Daniel had returned.

Because Daniel always ran warm, especially since he liked to bundle himself as a burrito in his sheets. But the face pressed into his skin was still small, delicate. It was still Little Daniel.

Max smiled fondly and reached a hand to stroke through wild curls. He frowned however, when he found them to be flattened, soaked with sweat. Max bolted awake, taking in the flush on Little Daniel’s skin and how uncomfortable he looked even while asleep. He pressed his palm to Little Daniel’s forehead and recoiled when his skin felt almost searing. Little Daniel whimpered a little.

Max realized instantly that he was running a fever and he felt the fright bubble up within him. 

Grabbing his phone, he did the first thing that came to his mind, call Grace.

She picked up after 3 rings, Max didn’t know what time it was in Perth. To be honest, he didn’t know what time it was right now in Monaco. But he knew that Grace had his number saved as important, so she would always answer his call. Especially now.

Her fond, soft smile melted into worry when she saw his scared face.

“Max what’s wrong?” She asked immediately.

“Daniel has a fever, I think.” Max rushed out, immediately turning his camera to show the miserable ball of child on the bed. Grace cooed.

“Have you taken his temperature? How high is it?” She asked and Max scratched his head sheepishly, he honestly hadn’t thought of that.

“My first thought was to call you, to be honest.”

“You made the right decision Max.” Grace smiled softly at the phone, even though the camera was still pointed towards Little Daniel. Max could see her in the little screen. “Now, do you have a thermometer? They normally put one in those first aid kits you buy in the grocery store.”

Max got to work, following her instruction on how to take Little Daniel’s temperature and what the numbers meant. He was running a fever, but it wasn’t high. Not enough to warrant a hospital visit. Max never felt more relieved.

With Grace’s help, got Little Daniel in more comfortable clothing, and helped him drink some juice while he waited for his rush grocery delivery order to arrive. He might have ordered all of the children’s electrolyte drinks the store had in stock, but that was no one's business.

“Maxshy, I’m tired.” Little Daniel mumbled. He’d been miserable all day but Max counted it as a win that he was alert and seeking comfort. He’d spent some time talking to Grace, letting her know that he didn’t feel nice. Max’s heart clenched the whole time.

Grace let them go when Little Daniel promised to try and take a nap. He had put the phone down and immediately climbed his little body onto the couch and sprawled himself over Max who was definitely not proud of the cooing noise he’d involuntarily let out. 

“I know Bub, do you want to watch a race and then take a nap?” Max pressed some hair back from Little Daniel’s forehead and watched as the curls sprung back into place. Little Daniel shook his head and Max raised a brow in surprised confusion. Little Daniel was always asking to watch races, he never declined an opportunity.

“Want to watch da show. Maxshy Show.” Little Daniel clarified and Max’s heart clenched. Recently Max had shown Little Daniel one of the Dutch cartoons he’d grown up with and he’d watched it intently even though Max knew for a fact he didn’t know what they were saying. It was probably clear enough by their actions.

“Ok Bub, we can watch it. Do you want to watch any specific episode?” He reached for the tv remote. Little Daniel shook his head into Max’s chest and watched as Max found the show in question.

They watched two episodes before Max felt Little Daniel go completely lax against him. His soft snores a welcome sound. Max slouched further onto the couch, careful not to jostle his precious cargo and let the background sounds of his childhood lull him to sleep as well.

[writing-with-sophia]

How to get into the mind of a character? Honestly this can be for your OWN character or a fictional character. I'm wanting to write for characters- headcanons and fanfictions- and I'm so afraid I'll write them so uncanny to how they actually are.

How to get into the mind of a character?

To get into the mind of a character, you have to understand that character, believe in that character, and even "live" the character's life. But we all know each individual is different, and we cannot live different lives. A normal person who grew up in peacetime cannot fully understand the hardships of a warrior, and a doctor cannot know the thoughts of a mafia boss.

So, how can writers create believable characters? How can they possibly offer a believable soldier, cop, detective, alcoholic, or any given character type if they themselves haven't lived as them? How can they possibly offer a believable character in a situation that they've never been in?

Here are some tips you can use to get into the minds of characters:

Tip 1: Observe real-life people

To create well-rounded characters, observe real people around you. Pay attention to their behaviors, mannerisms, speech patterns, and thought processes. Take note of how they express emotions, handle conflicts, and make decisions. Drawing from real-life observations can add depth and authenticity to your characters. You can also search for novels and movies with different themes, study how characters with different pasts, biographies, occupations, and personalities act, behave, gesture, and speak. The best way is to prepare a small notebook and a pen so you can carry it with you wherever you go.

Tip 2: Create a detailed character profile

Develop a detailed character profile that includes information such as their age, background, beliefs, values, goals, and fears. Consider their relationships with other characters and how these dynamics influence their thoughts and actions. Delve into the character's past and explore significant events that have shaped them. Consider their upbringing, traumas, successes, and failures. These can provide you with a roadmap for understanding the character's mindset.

Tip 3: Use internal monologues and journaling

Imagine the character's internal thoughts and dialogues with themselves. Consider what they might be thinking in different situations, their hopes, dreams, and fears. (And why do they dream of that? Why are they afraid of that thing? What in the past made them afraid? Always asking questions.) Writing internal monologues or journal entries from the character's perspective can help you delve into their mindset and gain insight into their unique voice.

Tip 4: Consider their external influences

Characters are influenced by their environment, culture, and society. Reflect on how external factors such as family, friends, societal norms, or even the story's setting impact their thoughts and behaviors. This will help you portray their worldview more accurately.

Tip 5: Study the source material

If you're writing about an existing character from a book, TV show, or movie, immerse yourself in the source material. Pay attention to their dialogue, actions, and interactions with other characters. Take note of their personality traits, motivations, and backstory. This will help you develop a strong foundation for understanding the character. For example, recently I suddenly became interested in Nightwing (do you know him? Nightwing from the Batman series!), and I wanted to write a few short stories about him. So I found all the comics and movies that featured Nightwing and watched them one by one. I don't take notes because I have a pretty good memory (especially for characters I like), but I still recommend taking notes on special things to note.

Tip 6: Practice free writing

Set aside time for free writing exercises where you write from the character's point of view. Allow your thoughts to flow without judgment or editing. Just write, write, and write. You can reread and make corrections after you're done. Remember to gather your posts in one place; otherwise, you'll lose or forget them (like me!).

Getting into the mind of a character is an ongoing process that requires continuous exploration and refinement. The more you invest in understanding your character's thoughts, feelings, and motivations, the more compelling and authentic your writing will become.

Additionally, you can read my articles on how to write an effective character here:

How to create a superbad villain

How to make a villain's appearance memorable

Basic questions for your character

Describing a villain's appearance in a natural way

Create an effectively past for character

Common character motivations

How to create a good main character

How to avoid the instance where a secondary character stands out more/ is more lovable?

Character flaws

Writing a good Anti-Hero

Character positive traits

How to write an elderly main character?

Protagonist who is a ballerina

How to write a believeable egotistical character

[browniefox]

I asked for fic recs so it only makes sense that I provide some.

The Invisible Stan by The Last Speecher (HeidiMelone)

Simple, short, but elegant. You know how hanahaki disease is a trope? I feel like this should be a trope, but idk what you'd call it - Ninny disease sounds bad, but like it's clearly based off of Ninny from the Moomins. Anyway, great fic <3

An Outreached Hand by WDW

Ghost trick au! Love a good ghost trick au! I reread this recently and it still holds up so well, still so good even if unfinished. Haven't played ghost trick since, some of the twists make a hair more sense - especially the twist in the last chapter posted and being like 'OH IT'S *THE* GHOST TRICK'. Shoutout to undead creepiness and cute kitties :3

Retrograde by scrawling_stardumb

Kissing this one on the mouth. Only one chapter and unfinished, but it's a long chapter and really makes you go 'whoa'. It's interesting because the summary *technically* gives you more info than the chapter itself, but it's that kind of dramatic irony that fits the writing so well. A good solid McGucket POV too, which there really isn't enough of. Tbh, it stands okay almost as a one shot? I wish this became a whole popular au like all the others, bc it kicks ass as a concept.

Finding the Right Frequency by impish_nature

A pretty cute one! Ford trying to figure out how to deal with Bill, and Stan having found a stable job, and someow their two worlds intersect. Cute moments between the two, and some good Stans getting to reconnect.

Things You Can't Take Back by thesnadger

Classic by the Snadger! I always appreciate people who take Stan's memory less and make it more complicated, or at least have there be aftershocks to have your whole life erased :D So well written.

like they were a perfect fit by hapful

Stanford Pines and the photo he never looses. A beautiful story about Ford throughout the ages and his opnions on family, specifically Stan.

putting the dog to sleep by parsnipit

Old Yeller is such a sad story, and also some of this made me think of Mice and Men, and ugh just Stan and Ford and beign willing to kill something you love - sometimes because you love it - and it's such a perfect analogy to them I could die.

none of those phds is an md, you dumb idiot by untrustworthyglitch

I always love a fic that acknowledges language barriers. It reminds me of a really old fic where I did something similar, but like, being away from Earth would lead to you forgetting a lot of things, including language.

Too Late, Too Soon, Not Enough by IncomingAlbatross

Ah, gotta love a good fic that shows the missing scene of Ford and Stan switching places. Who came up with the idea? Who needed to be convinced? What swears do they get to use while off camera? Stan I love you so much, and Ford I lov eyou for beig nso complicated.

Raising Stakes by MaryPSue

Mwah! A Classic if I've ever seen one! While I'm partial to werewolf!Stan, Vampire!Stan does have so much potential and MaryPSue puts it to use so well! A great look into what Gravity Falls was like back in taht time period, and I love when people utilize Susan in fics that take place pre-portal <3 Also, Carla! I miss you so much Carla <3 It's drama, it's action, it's everything!

Lost and Found by PengyChan

Tate & Fiddleford have a lot of untapped potential, and while I think going the angst route makes a lot of sense, this one is almost more fluff and catharsis, I guess? I love it, near and dear to me.

Off-Season by anistarrose

Time Travel fic, but not a timestuck au? More likely than you think! A cute oneshot with particular focus on Stan, Mabel, and Dipper. Just a fluffy little thing with a couple strangers helping Stan out through a difficult winter.

Persist and Dwell by fencesit

A bit of Soos's trust in Grunkle Stan, and a mystery that isn't so much mystery as it is simply just not explicitly said. One of the final scenes has still stuck with me, and this is defo a concept I'd love to see explored more.

flee from your ghosts (burn your house down) by thepolysyndetonaddictsupportgroup

While typically OTGW x Gravity Falls crossovers are, like, Pinescone, I'm partial to this version where Wirt is their dad. There'a few details that didn' sit well with me, but over all so incredible and well written. Some of the metaphors are just so evocative I could eat them. The descriptions are to die for. And I love the depiction of a dad struggling to get his kids to open up to him that feels like it's part dads struggle with teens and part those pines twins just won't tell the truth.

If you have any Gravity Falls fic recs, feel free to comment them!

[aleki-lives-here]

I'm making my way through System Collapse audiobook, and it's much easier both the second time around and than reading. This whole thing still feels too real too much, which makes me kinda passionately hate the book but in a way that I know isn't really hatred. I'm just experiencing a lot of emotions, okay. Listening to them create art, tell a story to make people see things from a new perspective is doing something to me.

I was ten when I decided I wanted to tell stories. I was thirteen when I figured out what kind of stories I wanted to tell, and yes the stories I wrote back then were kinda shitty but I reread half of those recently, at fourteen I already had the same kind of vibe that still appear in everything I ever created afterwards: shit happens, and people do mistakes, and it all just sucks, and you keep living, keep trying, keep holding on to hope.

I was a fucking teen and I knew I wanted to tell stories that would take the darkest most tragic situation and say: there's still kindness there. There's still hope. There's still future. I don't like whump or angst or anything just because I like to torture characters (tho I do, like to torture characters), but because shit sucks. shit sucks, and we keep living, and we keep finding joy in it all, and I want, always wanted, to have someone tell me -- to be the one to tell this to people, that yes. It sucks. It hurts. It's awful, and I see you, and I see the hopelessness, and it isn't hopeless anyway. It's all encompassing now and it's gonna change. If just one person read what I wrote and felt a little better, a little more seen, a little more hopeful, a little kinder -- that was all I wanted to achieve with my writing.

And the thing is: I feel like such a fucking failure.

Like okay. Objectively, rationally speaking, I'm twenty... right, twenty two as of now, which is young, but also it's fucking twenty two and it's longer than I expected myself to be alive, and it feels like I haven't done nothing. It feels like I'm never going to be able to do anything. It feels like it's ridiculous of me to even hope that I could do anything, especially with writing. Achieve something with my stories? Make someone think about new things? Make someone feel better? It's a ridiculous idea to aim for. That's what other people do, somehow, not me. The best I can settle is entertaining myself by torturing characters, which isn't gonna help anyone but hey if it entertains someone for five minutes it has to be worth something. It fucking has to be, I so honestly don't know why the hell I'm still alive, but it has to be worth something otherwise it's too depressing to consider.

But anyway. Then, there's System Collapse. There's this whole series, honestly, with the fairly background exploration of what media and art can mean to people, but here it's loud and impossible to ignore in the front of the narrative, and it resonates with me in ways I can't be comfortable with. It somehow fucking hurts to think about. Too many emotions and thoughts and just ugh. I'm not gonna be normal about this book any time soon, am I.

[full-on-sam]

I have been off tumblr for a while but popping back in for a second because I have angry Toughts about Books, especially booktok.

I am so tired. When I was a child and a teenager i used to read everyday multiple times a day, i found joy and escapism in literature. Now teens have... this? Really? It makes me fucking sad. I am sure there are also many new good books out there for teens and young adults, but chance is that the people they are aimed to haven't even seen them or don't know they exist. You go into a library or a bookstore and the first thing you see is a booktok shelf. You may not even go into a library anymore because what is glamorized today is how many books you buy each month or each week. This are the books that are marketed, that are talked about. If I wanted to read some YA that is different i have to just reread old books which sure, it can be great but why can I not have any other option?

My sister has recently entered the -teens years. She doesn't read much but honestly? I cannot even fault her. If she was interested to the romance genre what should I tell her to read? This shit? Teach her abuse from an extremely young age because she is guilty of wanting to read? Honestly I feel like there aren't even books for teenagers that are actually for them. All of this YA genre is not for young adults it's for adults. Full stop.

(This also warrants a digression on how wide the ya age ange is. Google says 12 to 30, like excuse me? But my point still stands).

That's it. I hate the new book trends. I hate how to market something you have to boil it to insipid tropes, to a 20 seconds video where you slap a bunch of Pinterest images and some buzzwords. Where all the books are badly done version of themselves. As an author it makes me cry. They have so much potential and it is all wasted like this.

And that is also to say that if you do not agree with any of this, think booktok books are cool, you like authors such as SJM or Colleen Hoovers... get off my blog. Unsubscribe. This is not a space i want people like that in, thank you.

[zombie-bait]

Omg i just realized I have something tiny to add to the whole James Somerton debacle. I'm currently watching the hbombguy vid (as you do when procrastinating assignments) and I remembered something that stood out to me in James' old videos.

So I used to be a fan of his stuff. I am also a fan of Hannibal and IWTV. He made a video covering both so naturally I was very hyped. It was called 'The Gay Appeal of Toxic Love.' The vid itself was fine (I don't remember having any super strong opinions of it besides being excited to hear ppl mention Interview cuz I had recently become obsessed) but one thing did stand out to me. In the IWTV section he mentions Nicki and, naturally, his death:

"After becoming a vampire, Nicky becomes nearly catatonic, and eventually slips away from Lestat entirely. And after centuries of dealing with depression and severe mental illness, Nicky kills himself."

(sourced from this transcript: https://github.com/TerraJRiley/James_Somerton_Transcripts/blob/main/Transcripts/The%20Gay%20Appeal%20of%20Toxic%20Love.txt)

To anyone who's read TVL, I don't think I need to explain that Nicki had not, in fact, been around for centuries. "Nicki had lived to be 30" has been rattling around in my head since I first read it.

And like, obviously I don't expect every youtube essayist to read several long-ish novels to have a full grasp of the series' deep lore, especially when the focus was largely on IWTV and Loustat rather than the entire Vampire Chronicles. Still, it makes you wonder a bit about the quality of the research being done here. You can find the proper info in like, 5 seconds by just going on the fan wiki so I'm not sure what his sources were. And that's the issue at hand, isn't it?

At the time I felt a tiny bit smug recognizing the error but in light of everything that's been revealed, it's kind of telling. I'm not saying this part was plagiarized (I haven't found anything but others on reddit have found issues with different sections of the same video) but rereading the transcript it comes off as someone who clearly doesn't know much about Interview.... It feels like he's reading through a loose summary of plot points rather than analyzing a piece of media that actually means anything to him. It's very much Interview for people who don't know Interview which, one could argue is fair. Especially beyond book one, VC is a niche series and a lot of elements that are important to certain characters or plot lines cannot be summarized quickly for an audience unfamiliar with it. A good writer, who's done a lot of research about the specific topic they have chosen to make a video on, would be able to balance this. There is a LOT to analyze about queerness in VC and its a shame to see one of the more popular queer media channels half-assing it just to churn out videos heavily made up of other people's work. In retrospect he had several videos like that, where he would discuss things like manga/manhua communities while clearly having little knowledge on the nuance of those subjects. He was an outsider who presented himself with a strange amount of authority.

This was content created with the sole intention of propping up queer stories and history, yet it's built off stolen work from queer authors and doesn't actually care that much about exploring the communities it features. Vids like the IWTV one weren't really fact checked because it's only people like me who would might give a shit or even notice anything is off in the first place. There's a bit of a similar vibe in some of his other vids where he undermines the experiences of queer women because he clearly has not taken the time to learn about the nuances of representing queer women in media. These are things that irritated me when I first started to notice them but I put those concerns in the back of my mind because I cared about the topics he was covering and was excited to see these discussions becoming more mainstream.

The revelations of this evening have been disappointing to say the least.

(also for the record I know he made other more recent vids about IWTV but I haven't seen those and even if his account was still up I don't think I would lol

BUT

I did look at the transcript for his 'Vampires and the Gays Who Love Them' video (found from the same link I included above) and this quote about the IWTV AMC show is sending me: "Daniel has never grappled with the complexities of being gay"

Shoutout to straight, uncomplicated icon Daniel Molloy. Devil's Minion was a mass hallucination, spread the word)

[orange-orchard-system]

System Ramble: reading, inner/internal voices, and our brain's continuous attempts to understand the world around us

[PT: System Ramble: reading, internal voices, and our brain's continuous attempts to understand the world around us / end PT]

I'll probably have to expand on this at some other point because it ties into how we feel our plurality is a fundamental part of how we process the world (and that deserves its own essay), but there's something interesting that happens when we read that has to do with our system.

Have you ever seen those posts that talk about "the little voice in your head" that you get whenever you read something? A lot of people are able to hear the words they read being "spoken" in their head as they read them. A lot describe the voice reading "out loud" in their brain as either being their own voice or some detached voice without anything more to it, but for us...

... it's closer to one of us reading out loud to the rest of us.

As we write this post, for example, we can identify the headmate in front who's taken on the role of the "voice" reading each word. There's no simpler way to describe it – he's the one reading out each word to the rest of us, and we can hear his own inflections and other verbal quirks as he reads. We've recently begun trying to consciously pass the role of this "inner voice" around, and we can definitely hear a change depending on who's reading, even if it's the exact same text. Eddie has a deeper voice, and reads much slower, giving the impression of a grandpa reading a book by the fire. Danny, by comparison, has a higher voice, reads quicker, and is often audibly annoyed when he has to reread something. It's a very interesting thing to experiment with.

Based on these experiments, acting as this "inner voice" is sort of like a very flexible system role for us, one we naturally fall into or out of most of the time, but can occasionally choose (which is, funnily enough, very similar to how our switches function). This phenomenon happens automatically with most texts we read, and may be part of the reason we have so many introjects; our brain may be simply creating the most fitting "voice" for what we read as it sees the need, which is frequently either the author, or a character in the text. But regardless of the reason, it's a very helpful tool for figuring out who's in front or discovering new headmates, as we have a strong sense for whoever it is that's reading at any given time, and find it especially easy to visualize a headmate whenever they're taking on this role.

On rare occasions where this doesn't happen, we often have trouble absorbing the information we read. It just doesn't stick in the same way one (or more) of us reading to the others does. Which is definitely a con; if it weren't so automatic for us and thus rarely a problem (especially now that we've identified what's going on), we'd definitely be counting it as one of the ways our DID disables us. It's not too different from how it becomes difficult to impossible to absorb information when we're too dissociated, after all. (But then, that raises a question: is the reason we can't absorb text when too dissociated because the dissociation is keeping us from fulfilling this role? Food for thought.)

This isn't the only way in which we utilize our plurality in order to process and absorb information; we also have various system members we call "captioners" whose job it is to make it easier to understand what we hear or see by creating visuals based on this sensory input. We haven't tried having these two roles active at the same time – mainly because I think it would just overload our brain with too much to keep track of and any attempts would fizzle out – but it's an interesting idea for something to experiment with in the future. The parallels are interesting, anyway, especially with how they seem to indicate that our plurality is fundamental to how we process the world and what kinds of choices our brain made when creating us. Perhaps it's all part of our brain's attempt to cope with its own dissociative disorder by creating work-arounds for the problems dissociation can cause, but... I feel like there's more to it than that. The question is where to look for answers (and if the answers are something we should be unpacking just yet).

That brings me back to the beginning. It's interesting to see how our plurality functions almost like a neurotype in some ways – I don't know if I'd call it that, but I can see some parallels in how others talk about them with how plurality functions in our brain. One day, I hope to write a collection of all the different ways our plurality affects us like this, as a sort of guide to our own processing and understanding of the world through a plural lens. For now, though, it's just interesting to think about how I'm now reading this post "out loud" to my headmates as I write it, and how my internal voice differs from those who have read it before me.

... Also, I'm just now realizing this system (no pun intended) works better when the fronter writing a text is also the headmate reading the text. Huh. That fits, somehow.

So, to recap: we get the most out of reading when we use our plurality to host what is essentially system storytime, our internal voices differ a lot more than we first thought they did, and it's interesting that our brain keeps making selves and roles just for helping us understand the world around us. Thanks for reading our ramble.

[shouldhavebeenpersephone]

In GTN chapter 36, Cytherea says “None of you have learned how to die gracefully. I learned over 10,000 years ago"

Do you know/have a theory as to how Cyth could have learned anything pre-resurrection? She was not one of the original lyctors present for the resurrection and it was only 10,000 years ago. It could be hyperbole but I am suspicious of the “over 10,000 years”.

Thank you so much for the ask! I wanted to take my time with it, I hope you didn't mind the wait.

I actually had been chewing on this with my most recent GtN reread. Bear with me as I cut and paste all the pieces that form my thoughts on this - hopefully it's somewhat coherent to read.

Could "over 10000 years" be a hyperbole? Maybe. A lot of characters tell the 'truth' as far as they believe it to be so even if it's factually incorrect. I don't think, however, that Tamsyn would make Cytherea say it in this specific way if it was a hyperbole. In GtN chapter 35 where Palamedes confronts Cytherea we get the following lines, which are what feed my intuition about this:

"Don't lie to me, please."

Dulcinea said, "I have never lied to any of you."

Cytherea has no reason to lie, especially not after being confronted by Palamedes. She tells him herself - she has been giving pieces of the truth and using those to manipulate the narrative. Because of this and because it's much more fun if it isn't a hyperbole I see no point to dismiss it as an emotional inaccuracy.

So let's say she is over 10,000 years old. How does that work?

First thing I went looking for while trying to figure this out was the question of Cytherea's birth. On the fandom wiki, it states that Cytherea was born into the established Seventh. I have been combing through the books, and I cannot find anything in canon that truly confirms this. What we do know of the timeline and her age is the following from HtN chapter 9:

"When they first brought her to Canaan House, I thought there'd been some mistake. - She was just shy of thirty then, I recall. -

-Was she the first gen, or second?"

"Second," said God. "Early second. We were still experimenting with getting the Sixth installation up and running. Some of the Houses were empty."

Mercymorn spoke up: "No. We had it running by then. Because Valancy was with us, and Anastasia."

-"Yes, you're right. We were all there to meet her. All sixteen of us -

'Some of the houses were empty' is the important line here, because in NtN John 5:4 Harrow describes how the resurrection happened:

-You resurrected some of them. You wake up fewer still. You start out with a few thousand, then, later, some hundred thousand, then millions, but never more than millions. You teach them how to live all over again. You teach yourself. -

The houses are named in order of resurrection. The Seventh, then, comes after the Sixth, which should make it obvious that by the time Cytherea arrived the Sixth was already established - or the Seventh wouldn't have existed. Yet, for some reason, for John this is not as obvious. I have found what could be an explanation in HtN chapter 2:

He said, "No. I haven't truly resurrected anyone in ten thousand years. But at that time... I set many aside, for safety... and I've often felt bad about just keeping them as insurance. They've been asleep all this myriad, Harrow, -

The difference wouldn't be as obvious to John, because he didn't resurrect the houses one by one. He resurrected a chunk of the earth's population, kept them dormant, and piece by piece woke them up to populate the houses. Beyond the fact that Cytherea is never said to have been born on the Seventh in canon (again, to my knowledge - please correct me if I missed it), the following from HtN chapter 2 really seals the deal in my eyes that she was not born on the Seventh but rather woken up for the Seventh.

The emperor said gently, "She needs to go home, Harrow."

"That was never her home," he said.

You did not look. "And will the Seventh House accept her?"

I also considered John might feel Cytherea belongs at home with the other Lyctors and therefore denies that the Seventh is her home, but then remembered the following from the same chapter:

He said, "No Lyctor has ever returned home, once we understood the reprecussions... no Lyctor except one, who knew I would come to intercept her for that very reason."

He is talking about how Harrow cannot go home to the Ninth, and referring to Cytherea going home by returning to Canaan house located on earth. John also talks about the kind of people he resurrected in NtN John 5:4:

-We'll get them all back... some of them, anyway... or at least, the ones I want to bring back. Anyone I feel didn't do it. Anyone I feel had no part in it. Anyone I can look at the face of and forgive. -

Part of the same chapter I included above in combination with this one make me itchy almost. Harrow says 'You teach them how to live all over again.' That almost feels like it should be people who recently learned how to live. Like John only resurrected kids.

Think about it. He resurrects his loved ones and ones he can forgive. People who did not take part in the destruction of earth in his eyes. Who other than children could he really be talking about? Children, babies, who have no power to decide or influence to exert, who - even if they did have the power - do not have the capacity to understand the consequences of their actions. Whose memories will be easiest to erase because there is so little to begin with.

It then also makes sense why there were two generations of Lyctors. The population he woke up had to grow up into adults first. Why else would he have half a band of Lyctors trying to settle all of the Houses? If he was able to pick adults worthy of resurrection, he would have been able to pick adults capable of establishing his houses and becoming his hands and gestures.

One final point that drives this home is the following from the very beginning of GtN in chapter 7 when Teacher tells the Ninth about Dulcinea's condition:

"Dulcinea Septimus was not meant to live to twenty-five,"-

Dulcinea's hereditary disease is the same as Cytherea's. John did not know she was sick when she first was brought to Canaan house, which means that when he resurrected her, she must have been young enough to not be actively dying yet. Perhaps a toddler or a child who had been sick for some time - long enough to know what it feels like to slowly be dying.

So, all in all, my answer is that Cytherea was not born on the Seventh. I am not sure where the idea that the second generation was born on their planets of origin came from, but I honestly doubt any of them were born instead of woken. Cytherea claiming to have learned something 10,000 years ago would be a great way for Tamsyn to give us just enough to figure it out - this is, after all, the same author who gave us the big reveal of the second book in the first sentence of the first book of her series.

[dingodad]

who's your favorite character to analyze? has that ever changed?

this is an interesting question & i don't think i've ever thought about it this way. because i don't know if i've ever really thought of myself as being particularly involved in "character" analysis up until a few of my more recent posts, i've always been a lot more concerned with the story's overarching mythology and the themes that transcend individual characters... but part of that is definitely just homestuck's sheer length bc i don't mind thinking in more character oriented terms when i'm engaging in shorter form storytelling. i just haven't read homestuck back to front possibly since it ended so starting to look at the characters as individuals the way i see other writers do would require the reread i've been daunting all this time 😭😭i know this is terrible of me to admit. do you guys forgive me

to steer more in the direction of your question i suppose as a consequence of the above i've basically always been most interested in the characters with the larger, more mythological presences in the story. and though that group of characters has pretty much remained the same, i think it has an interesting relationship with the characters i actually enjoy the most. like, you'll find i write a lot about the alpha kids and the parental shadows they cast over the story, and Dirk obviously looms larger than most in that respect. but i find it really difficult to care about Dirk outside of that analytical context! LOL. though i guess this relates back to what i was just saying about having spent a lot of time identifying the broad strokes painted over the whole comic without spending all that time down in the weeds. i'm sure there is something cute about Dirk that makes everyone love him i'm just not worried about that righnow

i would say i do find myself compelled especially to look at characters that i feel are heavily misrepresented in popular thought. like alpha kid fans have developed a very particular way of thinking and talking about those characters over the past 10 years and a lot of my writing on the subject very deliberately goes against those established modes of thought. so i won't act like the way i approach my analysis doesn't change over time, homestuck fandom is very much a communal project and i am occasionally subject to the broader conversations going on about these characters, whether i choose to follow these streams or consciously swim against them

[avatarrecom]

Hello! Previous anon from all the recent requests, (sickness, nightmares, getting hurt). I just wanted you to know I’m having a horrible day at work and rereading all your writing on my break is the only thing keeping me going! Thank you you so much!!

Beware of sarcasm

Pairing: Poly!recoms x Human!reader

Word count: 2022

A/N: Oh no, I'm sorry you're having a bad day! Not that my day is much better since I have the flu, but it allows me to stay home haha. I wrote this one-shot especially for you in the hope that it will cheer you up a bit! Please keep sending requests, the ideas are really good! And it makes me very happy that my stories cheer you up, that makes my day better!

One thing that’s important to know is that no matter how bad the situation is, you’re gonna crack a lil jokey joke. Most of your wonderful partners find this hilarious. They find it funny that the smart, nerdy (and extremely sexy, if you say so yourself) scientist is in reality a small and arrogant trouble maker. Fike and Brown even call you a feral chiwawa behind your back, and don't worry, you'll get your revenge on them. Others find it mildly annoying and by "others" you mean Miles. Don't get it wrong, he loves you dearly, but sometimes you're a bit much to handle. Especially in the early morning, before he and the others have had their coffee.

“Due to personal reasons I'll be turning things up fuckin notch.” You announce as you stroll out of Lyle’s bedroom and into the living area. They sigh and some mumble that they haven't had their coffee yet. “What is it this time darlin?” Miles asks, as Mansk quickly makes a giant pot of coffee. "So I have a new co-worker, Mike, and he is the most stupid, annoying, arrogant man I have ever met, god, he’s so full of himself, thinking that everyone either wants to date him of be him, he’s even worse than Lyle!" you exclaim, ignoring his indignant “HEY!”

“And then it turns out he's Sarah's nephew,” you sigh and climb to sit on the kitchen counter. Walker stands between your legs and presses a long sweet kiss to your lips. “Who is Sarah again?” you hear Brown ask confused. You pull away from Walker and look at him with mild irritation. "My boss?" you say in a 'duh' tone. “And then he tells me 'don't start' and it just makes me want to start.” You drop your head against Walker's bicep and Mansk offers you a cup of coffee. “Coffee isn't enough, I need to be struck by lightning.” You sigh. “That's the only way I can get through today.”

You accept the cup of coffee anyway and pout as you look at the clock. "I have to go, I have the daily morning meeting which is completely useless." You jump off the kitchen counter and head to the science department. After you've given all your lovers a big kiss, of course.

The moment the sliding glass door opens in front of you, you're besieged by the latest wonderful addition to the science department. "Good morning, beautiful!" he says in a voice that you can only describe as trying to be 'sultry'. You scoff, ignoring him and walking to your usual spot at the table. "Hey, I was wondering are you seeing someone?" he asks as he plops down in the chair next to you and throws his feet up on the table right in front of you. “As in a hallucination, a therapist or a person, be specific.” you answer, pushing his nasty feet off the table with a pen.

“You look too good to be single.” he tries to seduce you. You grin, “Baby it's not the looks, I'm not right in the head.” You purr at him. “You better think twice before you reject me,” he warns. “I can easily convince my aunt to fire you.” he boasts. You laugh hysterically, causing your other colleagues to look at you with worried and confused eyes. “Buddy I don't even think once.” You giggle.

"Do you know who I am?!" he raises his voice slightly. "I don't think…” you trail off slightly before you gasp loudly. “WAIT A MINUTE! Michael! From high school! I haven't seen you since you pissed yourself on stage at graduation, how the hell have you been???" You say it just loud enough so that everyone in the meeting room can hear you and you see shocked and horrified looks in their eyes.

“What the fuck is wrong with you,” he growls. “Do you mean today or in general?” you wink at him and turn your attention to Sarah, who is trying to get everyone's attention so she can start the meeting. You feel more than you see that he is staring intensely at you. You meet his angry glare, blink innocently and take a loud, obnoxious sip of your coffee. And in your head you decide that Mansk really makes the best coffee.

After the meeting, walk out of the meeting room as quickly as possible to get to work. Your friend and colleague, Mary, quickly catches up with you. "What was that?" she asks, laughing. “Nothing that has a major impact on my life,” you reply. "Well, whatever it was, it was completely hilarious." she laughs.

"But seriously, you really need to tell me about your date night with your partner's last night." she grins, wiggling her eyebrows. You grin back and think back to last night. “Well first Mansk had cooked an extremely delicious dinner,” you start. “You really have to bring me leftovers from his cooking sometime,” Mary interrupts. “You always go on about how good it is, but how can I judge it if I've never tasted it!” She hooks her arm through yours and quickly pulls you into the lab and leads you to her work station. "Yeah, yeah, can I tell you more or don't you want to hear the steamy details?" you ask teasingly. Mary quickly shuts up and lets you continue.

"Anyway, after dinner we went to watch a movie, and before you ask, the title is 365 days." Mary interrupts you again. "Isn't that pretty much a porn movie?!" she exclaims. "Be quiet!" you hiss at her. "Do you want the entire department to be able to enjoy the stories about my sex life or something?" Mary shakes her head and gestures for you to continue. "And let me put it this way, we recreated a number of certain scenes from the film." You finish with a sly smile. "Oh come on! I need details!" Mary begs. You shake your head. "You clearly don't know how to speak softly and I don't want to get scolded for talking about sex while working."

Mary scoffs. "It's not like I have an interesting or even existent sex life," she sighs. "And then your partners are also ten gigantic sexy aliens." You shake your head, laughing. "Then you have to lower your standards, that'll get you laid." “Ew, no thank you.” Mary looks disgusted. "Hey, can't you lend me one of those partners?" she leans her chin on her hand and blinks innocently. You laugh, “You couldn't handle them.” "See! if I couldn't handle them it would mean wild sex!"

"Say ladies, is this a suitable conversation for the workplace?" You squeeze your eyes shut and sigh in annoyance. "What do you want, Mike." "You'll be glad I decided to give you another chance." he says with an annoying smile that you would like to slap off his face.

“I wonder if you'll look both ways before you get on my damn nerves,” you say between your clenched teeth, forcing a smile. Immediately his eyes narrow. "Didn't your father ever teach you to appreciate a man's interest? You're lucky I want you." You bare your teeth. “The one thing my dad taught me is that when the going gets tough, dip.” You get up. "And that's exactly what I'm going to do now. Mary, have a nice day. Mike, have a day." You give Mary a quick hug and mumble, "'I swear, he's the reason God created the middle finger." You pay no attention to her snort and walk to your own workstation.

Finally you can focus on your work. You are currently continuing research into the neurological connection on Pandora, the original work of Dr. Grace Augustine. As always, you don't know the time and you absentmindedly ask Mary what time it is several times. "Hey Mary, what's the time?" You ask absently. “I just told you two minutes ago.” she answers, used to your fixation on your work. "I don't control the remember." Mary doesn't answer, still typing on her computer. “But seriously, what time is it,” you ask again as you examine your monster of Pandora's nature. "It's five o'clock, I'll be finishing up work soon." You look up in surprise, "Five o'clock already?" You close your work and tidy up.

Out of the corner of your eye you see Mike approach you and before you can escape the lab, he speaks to you again. “This is getting really annoying,” he announces. "No really?!" you reply sarcastically. “You know,” you start, “I hope I frustrate you a lot and you think about me a lot, now have a good evening and please don't hesitate to contact me.” You pat him on the shoulder and quickly make your escape, shouting a goodbye to Mary.

You make your way back to your accommodation, to your partners, as quickly as possible. You burst through the door and quickly lock it behind you. "What is the matter with you?" Prager asks worriedly when he sees your irritated look. “Mike kept bugging me,” you sigh and Prager lovingly pulls you into his lap. “What did he do, should we deal with him for you?” Asks Yes. You groan and are tempted to say yes, but Mansk announces that dinner is ready. You immediately take the opportunity not to answer, because you would almost say yes and that would most likely get your partners into trouble, which of course you don't want. You miss the tense look that Ja and Prager share with your other partners. A look that promises violence. Before your partners can help themselves to their food, quickly grab a container to set aside some food for Mary so she can assess it. You quickly explain before you start eating.

You've almost finished eating when the intercom at the door announces that someone is at the door. “I'll go,” you say, jumping to the ground. You immediately regret it when you open the door. Even outside of work he can't leave you alone. "I'm transferring to another research facility, I doubt we'll meet again." he announces. You blink in disbelief. "Do you promise?" You ask hopefully. Mike gets a pained look in his eyes and nods. You almost feel sorry for him, almost. Because the next words that come out of his mouth are, "Unless you come with me, I can take care of you, then you will never have to worry about things that are way too difficult for you again." "You know Mike, someday you'll go far." You say sympathetically and pat him on the shoulder. “I hope you stay there,” you nod to yourself. You immediately see Mike getting angry again and you feel a presence behind you.

“Get out of here, you bastard.” Miles snaps, placing his hand on your hip. You've never seen any scientist run away so fast. You chuckle and look up at your partners. “My brain is tired,” you complain, eager to change the conversation so your partners don't feel like pursuing Mike is a good idea, you're really not in the mood to bail them out of the slammer.

Z-dog grabs your hand and leads you to the couch to rest for a while. She rests your head in her lap and runs a soothing hand through your hair. You relax and before you can fall asleep, you quickly say your prayer. "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep; and if I die before I wake, good." You faintly hear laughter around you before you fall asleep.

A little later you are woken up by Z-dog. "Come on, let's go to bed." You sit up sleepily and stumble to the bathroom. “Babe, I put the bowl of food for your friend in the refrigerator,” Mansk says and your mind immediately flashes back to your conversation this morning. “You know…” you start and you have everyone's attention. "Tomorrow isn't promised… clap my cheeks tonight, why wait." You look at your partners one by one and see ten identical smug grins looking back.

[hiiyyih]

random letters ! to: @kimsuyeon ↳ thank u for literally being my lord and saviour and my one of my closest friends also. i love talking to you so much and i love our rants and how we can tell each other anything. thank you for helping me and supporting me whenever i need it! i cannot believe it's been less than a year that we've known each other because it feels like we've known each other for years! I remember when you first followed me back, i was like freaking out bc i was literally ur biggest fan back then. i probably annoyed you with the amount of questions i had about giffing LMAO to: @sunmiyane ↳ ik you're taking a break from tumblr and social media rn, but I just wanted to write this for you still!! You're such a sweetheart, and so kind, especially when it comes to my gifs. I love seeing you in my activity all the time because your tags never disappoint! Whenever I'm feeling down about myself of my gifs, I always go back to your tags and reread them because they make me feel so much better!! ilysm wifey to: @taegyunie ↳ even though we don't talk often, i'm so happy to be able to meet somone else who is an ichillin stan! I remember that's how we became moots LOLL. Your gifs r literally stunning and i literally have no idea how you make your gifs so gorgeous (you need to spill bestie) and I love talking to you about different nugu groups like ichillin, and i hope we get to know each other more soon!!! to: @hyeongseo ↳ where to even begin!!! your sharpenings are always IMMACULATE and i am soso jealous of the quality of your gifs (like HOW?). I love seeing your creations in my tag and the occasional talks when we both have time to! You're such a sweetheart and I'm so happy to be able to call you a friend. also birthday month twins!!! I love our talks and rants about school and how easily we're able to connect with one another!! to: @bamgeut ↳ i remember when you followed me i was like HUHHH because ur gifs???? literally amazing!!! ur one of my favourite txt creators and creators in general and even though we don't talk much, i love seeing you in my tag!! it reminds me that i should gif txt and bgs more LOLLL. I love seeing ur creations on my dash and i absolutely love how funny and caring you are!! to: @venompinks ↳ MINIII omgomgomggg we've been mutuals for how long now? i literally love you and your edits so much!!! we haven't talked recently, but i love our talks and yap sessions about random stuff and kpop!!! your edits and gifs are soso gorgeous; they make my eyes turn into heart shapes everytime I look at them! your edits are always so hq and you never miss with any of them!!!! to: @karinaing ↳ to my juyeon hating (loving) bestie!!! I love how sisterly you act, even if you probably don't realize it!! Talking to you makes me feel as if I have an older sister I can talk to always!! You're always so nice and I always feel so happy whenever u add the hearts at the end of your sentences bc it's so cute and it makes me feel so loved too. You're an amazing person and I hope that you know that I love you so much!!! ... letters pt.2 coming soon! if you would like a letter, but i have not written you one, please message/send an ask and I will!!!

[kyouka-supremacy]

Yeah I was shocked at first too how little Atsushi seemed to care about Aku's death and was outright offended on Aku's behalf but now that I'm rereading I can't describe Atsushi post-88 as anything other than "numb" or going through the motions and it get really blatant when you see how animated he got during the most recent chapters

Mmmmhh. I think those two Atsushi pages are extremely interesting, and that we need to talk about them some more. Overall, Anon, I relate to your experience: I too thought Atsushi's reaction to Akutagawa's death was rather indifferent at first, and I too eventually warmed up to it explaining it as loss rather than apathy, a difficulty to process what had happened just yet. But the thing is, before chapter 107 came out, I truly felt like both interpretations - the indifferent one and the numb one - were equally sustained by canon elements and potentially true. I do think that the “indifference” interpretation had canon grounds of its own right and, although it's close to be disproven by the latest chapters, I want to elaborate on that, because I think it's still valuable to reflect over it.

It's reasonable to think Atsushi's reaction was so cold and detached because a lot had just happened for him way beyond what any man could elaborate in the immediate; at that point it still didn't come natural for him to think of Akutagawa as anything but evil, and, even though Akutagawa had just proven in action to be more than a ruthless monster, for Atsushi months of thinking of Akutagawa as the devil incarnate isn't something he could grow out of in a matter of minutes or hours, especially given he still hadn't had the chance to properly elaborate what happened. And yet even when considering all of that, it's still true that Atsushi never asks Ango "why did Akutagawa sacrifice himself?" or "why did Akutagawa die for me?"; he only wonders if there's "some grand meaning to it". He doesn't seem to be pondering over Akutagawa's sacrifice in particular as something extraordinary, but rather reflects about the entire string of events as equally important factors. I find it insane that Atsushi is thinking about the event of Akutagawa keeping his promise over the very occurrence of Akutagawa giving his life to save him, and how even that instance of remembering something good Akutagawa did feels to be only prompted by acknowledging how that allowed him to escape, for the ada to keep fighting– even when thinking about Akutagawa, it seems to be for inherently selfish reasons. It all speaks, to me, like in that moment Atsushi saw Akutagawa like just a piece in the grand scheme of things and nothing more, which is coherent with the dehumanizing perception of Akutagawa he always held; and that's why it made me believe that nothing much really changed even after Akutagawa died for him, because apparently nothing would have been able to scratch Atsushi's quick-to-judgement, close minded attitude.

Then again, this was my main interpretation up to chapter 88 and no further, and back then I probably shouldn't have given that much relevance to Atsushi's words since in that moment he was understandably shaken and unstable. Besides, obviously, chapters 107 and 108, Atsushi hallucinating Akutagawa in chapter 105 is a meaningful element too: the way Akutagawa seems to be guiding him, how Atsushi doesn't seem to hold any fear or hatred or resentment towards him anymore, the way Atsushi places him on top of importance falling second only to Dazai. And it's true that chapter 107's "I know you're still there" and "you still haven't told me why did you save me" are telling enough on their own: of the fact that Atsushi really had a change of heart about Akutagawa, of the fact that he's changed his mind on him. And after all who am I to disagree, I don't wish for anything other than celebrating sskk canon 2k23 ahah!

But the thing is: in the end, to me, it really doesn't matter if that chapter 88 scene specifically is meant to be interpreted Atsushi caring for Akutagawa or not!! What I mean to say is that unrequited-sskk is still a very compelling dynamic and noteworthy concept, and it having canon basis or not is ultimately completely irrelevant.

I've been called out a lot for my unrequited-sskk takes and received a couple of asks and replies already on this, so I really wanted to clarify why I'd stand by that in the first place, and elaborate on why in my opinion that Atsushi scene from chapter 88 really fits the picture. Truth to be told, unrequited-sskk was mostly a June 2022 phase that manifested slowly in later months due to my late posting habit, but I don't feel for it any strongly than requited sskk– I mean, I obviously love sskk, of course I'm also rooting for them to be happy together. But I do think unrequited sskk holds a lot of thematic value, and that's why I think it's very interesting concept to reflect over! More specifically, I think it's very fitting with Akutagawa's character themes of being perfectly unlovable, the miserable and tragic character. This context ties with and reinforces the image of Akutagawa as the cursed character, someone who can only fall for people who are destined to hate him; and the people he loves won't ever be able to see in him anything but a monster, because he is fated to cause repulsion in anyone he meets. Additionally, seeing the character under this light makes his death even more dramatic and heartbreaking: there's some added pain in the knowledge that he's dying for someone he loves, and who is never going to love him back or even see him as human for what matters, and yet Akutagawa deciding to do so anyways. I feel like Akutagawa as the ultimate tragic character, born miserable and died miserable, only ever running after glimpses of happiness without ever the chance to grasp them, forever unloved, forever in pain, is really compelling! Akutagawa doomed to be unloved in life and death, someone whose pain, whose sacrifice and humanity will never be recognized by anyone but the silent audience. It's just a very entertaining concept to explore!!

I also find the unrequited love scenario interesting on the other end, in the way it frames Atsushi, the good one, as fundamentally unable to be compassionate and forgiving with Akutagawa, making out of the good guy a complex and especially flawed person. I like how Atsushi and Akutagawa's roles of good and bad are switched in someone who's unforgiving (unsympathetic), and someone who's miserable (sympathetic). (That is far from wanting to villainize Atsushi– Akutagawa did a lot of unforgivable things to him. He just did a lot of redeemable things also.)

In the end my final take - which is something I've always thought - is that sskk's relationship, and its chance to bloom romantically or not, is mostly dictated by chance: in Beast, they've met in a friendly, non-hostile environment, and they suddenly clicked; but not in every universe they might be lucky. They have palpable chemistry, but it's not granted that will always translate in them getting along more than them clashing and destroying each other. And I guess that's what makes them so fun to fixate on!! How their relationship can take so many different shapes while staying the same. When people ask when sskk would get together, I really think it's only a matter of case. I think it's as likely for Akutagawa to kiss Atsushi on impulse after this arc has ended than it is for them to beat around the bush for years and years to no end. I think it's really a matter of chance that Akutagawa didn't kill Atsushi and join the Hunting Dogs, a split-second decision that could have easily gone another way. I find it cool how their relationship can take so many different shapes and yet the only thing that stays the same is how inexplicably tied they are, how the other makes them who they are, how deeply and intrinsically connected they are.

Tl;dr: Atsushi's reaction to Akutagawa's death, up to chapter 88 and without considering chapter 107 and further, has equal basis to be interpreted as Atsushi being indifferent (uncaring) of Akutagawa or detached (caring in disguise) of Akutagawa; here's what made of uncaring of Akutagawa an interesting scenario no matter the fact it turned out to be wrong; here's why, independently by how much canon basis it has, themes wise unrequited-sskk is still a very interesting concept that should be taken in consideration.