#especially if trying to get me to betray my buddy's trust like that

[earl-grey-love]

I think the reason I kinda hold a grudge against Belphe isn't because of that like really bad thing he did. No, it's because of that time he tried to get MC to call S-tan Luci "by accident". That really crossed a line.

[writergirl2011]

Regarding Hyle Hunt

There's been a little discourse regarding the role one Ser Hyle Hunt will play in Lady Brienne of Tarth's storyline going forward. Some people seem to think that he is her perfect match because they hate the idea that Brienne deserves to have a romance with the man she wants--aka one Ser Jaime Lannister--because that messes with the narrative they want to push, whatever that narrative may be.

Some people think that Ser Hyle Hunt is a more interesting and more remarkable man than he truly is, when nothing he's said or done to this point has shown him to be anything of the sort. Personally, I'm not impressed with a man who set up a bet with his buddies over a young noblewoman's virginity--which was essentially the kiss of death to said young woman, who didn't have much going for her on the marriage mart in the first place. (Don't give me the "men will be men" explanation. That makes you no better than Randyll Tarly.) And his proposal of marriage boils down to: "Hey, baby, you've got an island and a lot of money, I've got a functional dick that's already proven to be fertile. I can close my eyes and blow out the candle. Let's do it." How romantic.

There has been absolutely no indication that Brienne will ever love this man, or even care the slightest for him. Threatening to turn someone into a eunuch isn't playful banter, especially not when said man once bet on her virginity and the last time she confronted someone(s) in that bet, she beat the living shit out of them. She hasn't forgotten, and she really hasn't forgiven. And when it comes to Hyle, she never really will, because in her eyes, what he did was the worst of all of them. He came the closest to winning by doing the one thing none of the others did--he made her feel included, like she might be earning a little bit of respect in that camp. Then she found out it was all a lie.

"But she hated Jaime at first!" Yeah, but that was before Jaime: told a lie about Tarth's wealth to save her from rape; shouted "sapphires" and risked a beating to save her from rape again; risked his own life to save hers by jumping unarmed into a bear pit (with only one hand to boot), and revealed the truth about why he killed Aerys, thus revealing that rather than it being a callous act, he'd saved an entire city of innocents--a noble act. THEN he put his trust in her to find Sansa, gifting her with a horse, armor, and a priceless sword. He gave her the respect Hyle only pretended to give her, expecting nothing in return.

What has Hyle done on their road trip? When Brienne kills the three former Bloody Mummers, I'm curious: how long was Hyle there? At least long enough to see her and Pod burying Nimble Dick, but the way he's described sitting there casually makes me think he'd been there longer. Watching. Sitting back doing nothing while she might've been killed. And we don't know what his true motives are in following her. If she finds Sansa, is he going to help her get Sansa to safety--or is he going to betray her and try to turn Sansa in to the Crown for the reward?

If you want any further proof that she doesn't care about Hyle, think about who she tried to bargain for when Lady Stoneheart was about to hang them all. Not herself, and certainly not Hyle. Podrick, the boy. And when they were hanging, as she was dying. the only person she had eyes for was Pod.

And who did she presumably agree to kill Jaime for? Podrick.

Yeah. She's really going to come around on Hyle.

[sleepy--anon]

Make It Even

Based on Summer's fics pt1 and pt2 (@wishitweresummer)

Dream was beginning to feel awful, sure, the little games they played on Sapnap were fun at the time but now he was avoiding them, distancing himself. Especially after that last one, his greetings are short, he finds any excuse to leave the room once one of them is in it, he's been locking himself in his room. Dream didn’t think they had pushed him that far, but he realized this was probably a trust thing. Sapnap had pleaded with Dream to not tell George and he did it anyway without thinking. Sapnap probably felt betrayed and now Dream felt awful and he knew he had to fix it because it was eating him alive that his best friend was upset with him. Dream had gathered some things and made his way to Sapnap’s room, George was out for the day so Dream took the opportunity.

"Nick...? Can I come in please?" He knocked as softly as he could, not wanting to agitate him. The door cracked open showing that he wasn’t really willing to let him in.

"What do you want?" His voice was deep still, unused.

"I wanted to apologize, not just for pushing you so far but for telling George after you asked me not to. I brought peace offerings and I just want my best friend back...please?" Sapnap looked at what he had, he brought his favorite candy, chips, and soda with an axolotol plush and a pack of Pokémon cards. Sapnap hummed in thought, shifting a little bit, he wanted to accept but he was still apprehensive.

"What can I do Sap? How can I prove that I'm genuinely sorry, how can I make you believe me? Do I have to let you do the same to me? Cause I will! And I'll help you get George too!" Now that got his attention, he practically offered himself up and that offer never really came up like that. He knew Dream was desperate and he missed them too if he's honest, this would make him feel better if they understood how he felt. He opened the door the rest of the way and stepped aside to let him in. Dream flushed bright pink when he realized what he had said that got his door open. He set the things he brought down on his bed and turned to face him.

"Hoodie and shoes come off and I get to use your anticipation at my full disposal." As if Dream couldn’t be any redder, he couldn’t fight it, he knew it was fair.

"Can I have a hug first?" His voice was small but hopefully, he noticed Sapnap’s look of 'don't try anything' and his wish was granted. He sunk into his embrace, savoring it, he missed it. He felt the tap which ment he was getting antsy, he pulled his hoodie off and kicked off his slippers.

"Lay down, on the floor, on your back." Sapnap turned from the closet to reveal that he now had handcuffs and his tie.

"What's that for..?" He asked, laying how he told him to.

"Well I don't have a buddie to hold you down while I do as I please and the tie is so your wrists don't get raw if you pull." He explained, happily getting on his hips.

"Hands." Dream held up his arms, wrists together, watching in awe at how efficiently he tied the tie around his wrists. He clicked one cuff on and pushed both arms up, clicking the other wrist when the chain looped around a leg of his bed. He locked the cuffs, setting the key down just far enough away to where it would get hit.

"Ready?" He waited for Dream’s nod before yanking his beanie down just over his eyes, he still wanted to see his smile. He clawed his hands and moved them around his stretched upper body. He watched Dream’s body twitch as he felt the difference in air, his once confused face now a wobbly smile as he realized they'd started. He whimpered as Sapnap told him to to be patient, waves of anticipatory giggles coming out.

"I haven't even touched you yet!" Dream didn’t need to see him to know he was beaming at the sight. His hands finally dropped, zapping his sides once before scribbling quickly up and down his ribs and armpits. The reaction was instant, he practically screamed, thrashing as much as he could in his limited space, already cloudy in the brain. He new he deserved this but his mouth worked by itself.

"PLEHEHEehease! Mohohohve my hahahat! I cahahan't sehehehee!"

"That's the point Smiley~ anticipation works so much better when you can't see at all~" Sapnap was having the time of his life, listening to his hearty cackles when he tickled his calves, his squeals when he targeted his thighs, his wheezey laugh when he got his tummy, and his shrieking when he got his feet. He personally found it hilarious watching his feet dance around to avoid his fingers, and when he caught one, how the other would flail around. He gave Dream a short break, seeing his beanie had ridden up in his thrashing, one eye was visible and he could see the tears in the corner of his eyes.

"Ahre... we dohohohone nohohow?" As satisfied as he was with the after giggles he was left breathless and borderline sobbing so...

"Almost big guy, just one last thing." He pulled the beanie back down and popped up for a second, rolling him over on his stomach before plopping back down.

"Going on a treasure hunt~" He spoke slowly, walking his fingers up his back.

"NO SAPNAP SAPNAP PANDAS PLEHEHEASE!" Dream knew this game, he'd watched Karl do it to Sapnap multiple times when he was having trouble sleeping and it always sent a chill down his way too ticklish back.

"X marks the spot~" Drawing the X had Sapnap giggling at how much he wiggled around.

"For big boulders~ and a tiny dot~" He was dragging it out and Dream knew it, it was driving him up the wall, now he understood the use of the tie under the cuffs.

"Circle circle quehehestion mahark~" He giggled in surprise at the end when Dream shrieked, almost throwing him off.

"Spiders crawling up your back~ ssssnaaakeesss slithering down~" He took his sweet time doing this twice, smirking at the way Dream’s feet drummed against the floor.

"Tight squeeze~ cool breeze~" He squeezed his thighs for the squawk, and blew right onto the back of his neck, watching the goosebumps form.

"And now I get my treasure~" with that little anecdote, Sapnap blew a massive raspberry on his spine and a second one on his neck while tormenting his hips at the same time.

"OHOHOHOHOKAY OHHOHOHOKAY!!! PLEHEHEHEASE!!! I CAHAHAHAN'T TAHAHAHAKE THIHIHIHIS ANYMOHOHOHORE!!!" Sapnap finally pulled back, listening to the frantic after giggles. He pulled his beanie off completely, noticing it coated in sweat and tears, he ran a hand through his sweaty hair, scratching his scalp.

"Nohohohoho cohohohome ohohon.."

"Even your head dude? Wow." He switched to just the pads of his fingers until he calmed down. Unlocking the handcuffs and undoing the tie, massaging his shoulders to release tension.

"We... we're good now right?"

"Of course we are, now you are helping me with George or I will just wreck you right next to him, don't test me, you know I can and will. But for right now, we're gonna cuddle, eat those snacks you brought and watch a movie."

[princesseevee06]

Keishin 100% dude, arguing and then realizing feelings then confessing mid argue? So keishin vibes

45 and 46 :p

HI AGAIN ANON SO it’s been a few days (so sorry about that btw.) And i have. Possibly the funniest news. i was thinking really hard about your ask and how to approach it because i tend to sort of…draft scenarios in my head before actually answering my asks? and i was like. hmmmmmm idk why im having such a tough time with this! i feel like no matter what i do it ends up feeling forced! and i genuinely DONT know how to tell you this but I THINK YOUR ASK MADE ME REALIZE YTR SHIN IS AROMANTIC????? LIKE I. I GENUINELY DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY. THIS WASNT INTENTIONAL. I JUST REALIZED IT.

like ok i know im the creator of this au and i can do whatever with the characters. but sometimes i feel like the characters are actually doing whatever they want to and im like a haggard reporter chasing after them trying to figure out what’s going on.

that said i still really wanted to answer this ask because i think it’s interesting and also because ive already put you through the ringer with the light mode debacle (😭) so its still keiji and shin but a more…platonic take on these prompts?? I HOPE THATS OKAY AUUUAUAUAU;;;

anyways just to offer you a bit of background: keiji and shin are a super interesting duo in ytr to me! keiji takes hinako’s spot, meaning he’s a human who tries to blend in with the dummies. if shin lives, he actually gets paired up with him (i know that doesnt actually fit the role swap but i wanted to anyways because they are the parallel characters of all time to me). i definitely see their relationship starting off with mutual suspicion, with shin being suspicious of keiji’s behaviors (what with him secretly being a double-agent for asunaro n all here <.<) and keiji being suspicious of shin kind of splitting off from the rest of the group. yet, i also see this evolving into a sort of mutual intrigue— they’re both invested in trying to Detective each other out and figure out What This Guy’s Deal Is.

a moment for 45-46 would, to me, definitely take place after it’s revealed that the dummies’ goal is to kill their partners. if shin already didn’t trust keiji, he would certainly not after knowing this info (i mean, come on, mr. 0.0% over here…). and i can TOTALLY see them getting into an argument over that, since a conflict of interests would be born from keiji wanting to keep an eye on shin while shin just wants to be Left The Hell Alone.

i think keiji would make the argument that if shin was really so worried about being targeted, why doesn’t he just make the first move to take out keiji? to which shin would be like are you stupid? then ryoko and everyone else would want me dead. to which keiji would point out…buddy….they kind of already do. he can Sense the antagonism in the air just from how ryoko and shin interact.

he then takes it a step further to observe that shin cant trust anyone, but he doesnt have it in him to betray anyone either. shin would actually be caught off guard at this, but also be like “bitch you too” and say that keiji also hasn’t trusted anyone, hasn’t revealed practically anything about himself.

i think this is where the “realization” part kicks in. shin desperately DOES want to trust others, in this case he even *does* like keiji, but he’s so terrified of letting anyone in (ESPECIALLY after the 2nd main game) when it’s so much easier to push people away.

i think…they’d be able to be a bit candid here. realizing that they’re at a bit of an impasse, i think keiji would be the first to open up a little about Why he acts this way (more of the traumatic past stuff, less of the asunaro stuff for. obvious reasons 💀) and shin would mutually confess how he felt about the death game and that he wants to trust keiji but just feels like he can’t.

the real fun (tragic) part is that i think after having a conversation like this shin would feel hopeful!!!! that maybe even in this awful environment he could find someone he might be able to call a friend(????!!!!) but of course that’s cut short because keiji dies in the banquet 💥💥💥 hence why this is the Worst time for him to realize he actually doesn’t think this guy is half bad. sorry i love making shin suffer </3

ok yeah i. i know this isnt really keishin. sorry anon </3 but shin aro icon remains true and real in my heart forever

[lara-prisma-avm-ask-blog]

Stickronpa Chapter 2 - Daily Life(Day 4)

*DING DONG BING BONG*

Monostick:"Good morning participants! It's now 7 am! Time to get up from your petty dreams and seize the day when you can!! please all gather on the second floor for a special announcement!"

-.....-

-Yeh... Time to wake up...-

-I got up and put on my hood and went to the door... I better check on Blue...-

-On my way out I ran into Night, she was near Red's door. Maybe she came to see if he was ok.-

Second:"Hey, good morning Night."

Night:"Oh, hi Sec! Did you sleep well?"

Second:"So-so..."

Night:"Yeh, I understand... Are you going to check on Blue...?"

Second:"Yeah... I just want to make sure he's okay after... Everything that happened yesterday..."

Night:"..... He and Yellow are really close aren't they..?"

Second:"Hehe... Yeh, actually they like each other a lot..."

Night:"Oh, that makes sense.... She feels betrayed..."

Second:"What?"

Night:"She feels like she can't trust him anymore! If he lied to her about something very important, I don't blame her for feeling that way about him!"

Second:"......"

-yes... I felt lied too... but I couldn't let him attack Sombra, that's what Monostick wanted!-

-They've won before but we can't let them win again!-

Second:"And you? Are you going to see how Red is doing.?"

Night:"But of course, after yesterday he doesn't look like he's in the best of shape..."

Second:"I know well... His animals are very sweet... Especially Ruben, he is the sweetest of his animals. He's part of our family..."

Night:"Wooon, that looks really cute... I'd like to meet him when we get out of here!"

Indigo:"IF we get out of here."

-We looked towards the exit of the corridor, indigo was staring at us leaning against the wall.-

Second:"What do you mean by that?"

Indigo:"It's much more likely that your little friend's pets are already dead!"

Night:"Do not say that!!"

Indigo:"But it's the truth... If those DVDs were right about your blue friend's addiction, why wouldn't they be right about those animals?"

Second:"Your...."

-I felt my fists clenching and forcing themselves to keep down... I won't do anything... I can't do anything..-

Indigo:"Just accept that we're stuck until someone kills one of you!"

Night:"You know you can be a victim! Unless you're thinking about killing someone!"

Indigo:"Oh no, I wouldn't do that..."

-He looked behind us, I looked back and there was Purple... Were they listening to us this whole time..?-

Second:"Prop, good morning... H-how are you...?"

Purple:"I-I... I'm fine If... Don't worry about me..."

Indigo:"You were listening, do you agree with me or with them?"

Purple:"....."

-They just walk past us and leave the dorms.-

Indigo:"As always, they can't even answer me!"

-He grumbled as he left the hall and walked away.-

Night:"What a son of a bitch..."

Second:"Language!!"

Night:"Haha, okay, sorry buddy..."

-The two of us knocked on Red and Blue's doors, and the two left one after the other.-

Blue:"Oh... Hi Sec... Good morning..."

Second:"Good morning Blue, are you feeling well...?"

Blue:"....."

Red:"Good morning Night!"

-Red hugs Night and came to me and hugged me and then Blue who gave a small smile.-

Second:"Good morning Redy."

-Red was smiling, but he also looked a little tired...-

-We got together to go to the cafeteria, but Blue stopped and looked at Yellow's door and stared at the door for a few seconds with a sad look.-

Second:"Blue..?"

-Blue looked at me and forced a smile and joined us.-

-We continued to the cafeteria.-

-I... I took his hand. It was freezing cold and he looked surprised. I felt a little embarrassed but he continued to hold my hand. He seemed more comfortable with me... Me too, but I wish Yellow could try to talk to him...-

-We arrived already cafeteria and we sat down at a table. Night and Red went to the kitchen to make breakfast, Blue si sat next to me with her arms on the table and her head lying on them.-

-The others were entering the cafeteria except Yellow.-

-Blue stared at the entrance until the door opened once more. It was her, she enters the cafeteria and sits at a far table, trying not to keep eye contact with Blue...-

-Blue was visibly wrecked and covered her face with his arms...-

-I could hear sobs and low cries coming from him...-

Second:"Blue...."

Blue:"I-I... I'm a lying idiot...."

-I put my hand on his back and smoothed it gently trying to comfort him.-

Blue:"She hates me.... She will never forgive me..."

Second:"It's not true... She doesn't hate you..."

-Night and Red leave the kitchen and start giving everyone breakfast.-

-Blue looked up to see her plate and pushed it away covering his head in the process.-

Blue:"I-I'm not hungry..."

-I looked at Yellow who was looking at us for a second before looking away with an Sad expression.-

-I looked at all of them and without thinking I slammed my hands on the table and got up.-

Second:"You guys have to talk about this now!! I can't stand to see you guys mad at each other!! I thought you guys were inseparable!!"

Blue:"S-sec..?"

Second:"I only have you, Red and Purple! We've already lost Green, I don't want to have to see our group fall apart because of this horrible game!! I don't want to lose you guys, I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE!!!"

-Everyone was looking at me... Shit... Not again...-

Second:"I-i...."

-I left the table and ran out of the cafeteria and went to the stairs and sat on one of the steps, I covered my face that was already filling with tears.-

-I remained crying for who knows how long... When I felt a hand on my shoulder.-

Sombra:"Why are you crying...?"

Second:"S-Sombra!!"

-I walked away almost falling.-

Second:"Wh-what do you want??"

Sombra:"Nothing Secye... Just that..."

-He gave me a dvd with my name on it... What the...?-

Sombra:"I know very well that I'm not confident... But believe me... This is important... For you at least..."

-He was smiling at me... I just feel very uncomfortable...-

Sombra:"I've prepared everything for you..."

Second:"....."

-I looked at the top of the stairs and started to go up.-

-I went to Sombra's lab and nervously put the dvd in the projector.... I'm afraid of what I'll see...-

-The video started and Monostick's annoying voice (which I don't remember seeing in the last few days...) started playing...-

Monostick:"This is the Second Coming Motivation Video! The Ultimate Artist! Let's see what would make you shed a little blood!"

Monostick:"You are always surrounded by friends, people you love dearly. You guys take care of each other, it's so cute it makes me want to puke!"

-I stared at that image of all of us together... Except Green...-

Monostick:"But....~"

-??!!-

Monostick:"What if I say something might be threatening the lives of your only friends...? What if something is about to happen? You never know, you never have the courage to do anything!"

-no....-

Monostick:"And when you least expect it...."

Monostick:"You will be alone...."

- no no no NO!!-

Monostick:"But there is a way to guarantee that nothing will happen to them....-

Monostick:"Kill."

-......-

Monostick:"You can't do anything... other than kill to keep your friends safe... And for you, I'll give you an exception! If you kill someone tonight, you can leave with them! Not one of them would die! But only you can guarantee that.... Kill someone, don't get caught, and be free with the ones you love..."

-The video is over....-

Second:"......"

-I felt my knees drop to the ground as I covered my body with my arms holding back the urge to scream.... I can't cry... I can't be weak.... I CAN'T BE USELESS!!!-

-....-

-I-I just... I-I just have to kill someone...? I-if I kill someone they.... T-They won't need to suffer anymore...?? R-Right..??-

Second:"I just need.... I have.... They don't..... I don't.... I have to be strong... I have to keep them safe.... I don't.... I... *Snif*....i...."

-I was about to scream when I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked back in Panic.-

Chosen:"Second..."

Second:"..... C-chosen...?"

-He looked at me coldly but with a look of concern in his eyes...-

Chosen:"I saw everything...."

-....-

Chosen:"Get up, tell me how you feel..."

-I got up and sat on one of the chairs in front of him.-

Second:"I just want to protect them.... I already lost Green... I can't lose them! I don't want to be alone again!!!"

Chosen:"I know... I've seen how you look when they're hurt..."

Second:"...."

Chosen:"I already promised something, that we would solve this together, you and Dusk. And I'll promise you something else..... I'll help you keep your friends safe..."

Second:"R-Really..? Why..?"

Chosen:"I just.... I feel like it's the right thing. What do you say?"

-He held out his hand to me and I took it and stood up...-

-I couldn't control myself and hugged him tight...-

Chosen:"O-oh... A-ah... Ok ok, enough kid... Let me go... I... I don't really like hugs..."

Second:"S-sorry..."

-I pull away from him and wipe my tears. I still felt my heart racing and hurting...-

Chosen:"You must be hungry, come on, let's go back... Your friends are very worried..."

-I nod. We went back to the first floor and to the living room where everyone was there, and when they saw me they started to bombard me with worried questions.-

Red:"Sec! Are you OK?? What was all that about??"

Night:"You shouldn't have come out of nowhere! We were worried!"

Purple:"You are crying?? My... Sec, You can tell us what's wrong!"

Orange:"You worried everyone!"

Yellow:"ENOUGH!! you are screaming in their ear!! Sec..."

-She takes my hand gently and smoothes it trying to calm me down.-

Yellow:"Take a deep breath and stay calm ok... We're just really worried about you..."

-She takes me to the sofa and I sit with her and curl up on the sofa hugging my body.-

Red:"Sec... Sorry we were just really nervous with the way you left... We were afraid you were too under pressure..."

Second:"N-no! I'm.... I'm fine..."

Orange:"You're not, kid... You're clearly under a lot of pressure and everything going on is weighing you down... You need to calm down..."

Purple:"Please Sec... You haven't even eaten anything yet..."

-Purple hands me a plate of toast with omelette and orange juice. I felt my stomach rumble and I accept the plate and start eating.-

-I look around and....-

Second:"Where's Blue..."

Yellow:"......"

Red:"He...."

Orange:*sight*"He left the diner when you ran out. He said he wanted to be alone in his room."

Purple:"He looked so sad..."

Yellow:"......."

Night:"Yell...?"

Yellow:"Oh? Oh, i-it's nothing I just... I'm just thinking..."

-......-

Chosen:"I'll leave you with your friends. Anything I'll be in my room."

Second:"Thanks Chosen..."

Chosen:"...."

-Chosen left the living room and I continued with my friends around me. Keeping me comfortable and safe.-

-After a while I felt much better. But I didn't really feel like leaving the room, I felt safe around the others.-

-Yellow stayed with me while the others left to do other things together.-

[Free time]

Yellow:"Are you feeling better Sec..?"

Second:"A little bit....And you..?"

Yellow:".... Honestly I don't know..."

Second:"Is it because of Blue...?"

Yellow:"N-no!! I-i mean..."

-She looked nervous, I hold her hand to say that everything is fine.-

Yellow:".....*sight* yes... It's because of him... I just feel so betrayed! I feel lied to and deceived! I do not know what to think! I.... I can't figure out what to do now..."

Second:".... Blue himself feels very guilty for what he did... He... He thinks you hate him..."

Yellow:"What!? N-no!! I don't hate him!! Yes, he lied to me, but that's not enough for me to hate him!! Where did he get that from??"

-I looked at her with a melancholy expression...-

Yellow:"....."

-For the first time I... I see her crying...?!-

Second:"Y-Yell!?"

-She was as confused as I was... I hugged her trying to comfort her.-

-She hugged me too, trying to stop but couldn't...-

Second:"It's gonna be okay...."

-....-

Second:"Tell me... What was in your video...?"

Yellow:"..... B-Blue..."

-This is obvious, but there should be something more...-

Yellow:"But there was something else.... The video said that if I killed someone... The memories of the netherwart would be erased from Blue's head and he would never have that addiction again! But also that... If I killed today... Not only him but the five of us could leave together! That nothing would hurt us! That we'd be free and... A-and..."

Second:"Calm down, take a deep breath ok..?"

-She took a deep breath holding my hand tightly.-

Yellow:"I... I try to ignore it but... But I just can't!! If it's true I-I can save everyone but... I don't want to hurt anyone...."

Second:".... So don't do what the video says! Don't care about it and try to calm down ok..?"

-She looked down and at me.-

Yellow:"O-ok... I just don't want to lose you guys... I don't want to be alone..."

-Me either....-

-Yellow and I spent more time together and then she left for a bit and let Chosen in.-

Chosen:"Hey, how are you?"

Second:"A little better... Still a little anxious..."

Chosen:"I know how it feels..."

-He sits next to me.-

Second:"Why... Why do you help me so much...?"

Chosen:"Huh? Why wouldn't I help? It's better than going up against everyone."

Second:"But agent only met once before all this... Why do you trust me so much...?"

Chosen:"...... I don't know... I just.... I trust you."

Second:"Hehe... You're a mystery..."

Chosen:"You are more mysterious than me kid..."

-I'm not sure what that means...-

-We spent some quiet time until he got up and started to leave.-

Chosen:"I better let you get some rest..."

Second:"N-no!! Don't leve please! I-I... I don't like being alone..."

Chosen:"Oh..? Do you want me to stay...?"

Second:"Just a little! I kind of enjoy your company... It makes me a little calmer and more comfortable..."

-He looked at the door and sighed and returned to sit beside me.-

-He spent a good part of the day by my side until the afternoon came and we both went out for lunch.-

-I decided to see on the second floor and entered the library where I found Dusk.-

Second:"Dusk!"

Dusk:"Second Coming. I see you found the library."

Second:"yup, Have you been here this whole time? I haven't seen you much."

Dusk:"In fact, I was here the whole time. I was looking into that aria to see what the books would have."

-I approach them to see the book they read.-

Dusk:"It's a book about liminal spaces."

Second:"Liminal... What?"

Dusk:"Liminal spaces. A phenomenon to which any image of an empty or abandoned place seems strangely or uncomfortably familiar. At least that's the easiest way to describe this phenomenon to you."

-He turned a few pages and showed me a picture of a long, empty hallway.-

Dusk:"What do you feel seeing this image?"

Second:"hum.... Nothing? I don't feel anything looking at this picture but... It does give me a bit of a sinister vibe..."

Dusk:"I see, it's one of the many ways one can feel seeing these images. It's popular on the internet, to the point where there are games and stuff related to it."

Second:"Wow! Nice! When we get out of here maybe I'll play with bad friends! Who knows, maybe I'll invite you to play too!"

Dusk:"I'm sorry to inform you that I don't play games. I don't feel comfortable playing that kind of thing."

Second:"Oh, why not...?"

Dusk:".....I don't know how to say it... But I was raised to help with programming, but playing games was never a part of my programming."

Second:"You talk like you're a robot..."

Dusk:"...."

Second:"N-not in a bad way!!"

Dusk:"It's okay, I'm used to it."

Second:"....."

-Did I screw something up...?"

Second:"S-sorry...."

Dusk:"Don't be sorry, you didn't do anything wrong."

-They closed the book and put it on the shelf.-

Dusk:"It was nice talking to you Second Coming."

Second:"You can just call me Second!"

Dusk:"As you wish."

-We said goodbye and they left. I also left the library and walked away from there. I didn't have much else to do so I stopped by my lab to try and do something.-

-I ended up doing nothing and spending half an hour of nothing...-

-I felt quite tired and decided to take a nap on a chair I had in my lab.-

-.......-

-....-

-..........-

*GAAAAAAAAAHHHR!!!!*

-In seconds I fell out of the chair with that loud noise!-

*TUHD*

-That sounded serious!! I got up almost falling over again. My fright must have knocked the chair over me.-

-I pulled out the chair and got up and ran to the front. I tried to open it but it wouldn't open! I... Why can't I open it???-

Second:"H-hey!!! Somebody!!! Take me out of here!!!"

-I walked away from the door panting and ran against it to try to force myself to knock it down, and again, and again but I ended up with a sore arm...-

Orange:"Second Coming??"

Second:"MT!! Please get me out of here!!!"

-I heard a noise outside and then the door opened and I ran to hug MT with tears in my eyes.-

Second:"Thanks!!! I was afraid I had been trapped!!"

Orange:"No more hugs!!"

-I released him and looked around, one of the benches was right at my door... Did someone lock me in here...?-

-I started to shake and hold my injured arm...-

Orange:"What ah with your arm?"

Second:"I tried to break down the door and ended up hurting my arm...."

Orange:*sight*"Okay okay, let's go to the nurse Room."

Second:".....How long have I been sleeping...?

Orange:"A half hour."

Second:"oh..."

-Orange helped me and took me to the nurse..-

-Near the door I looked to the side... To the end of the corridor that led to Orange's lab.....-

-Something I didn't want to believe.....-

[Continue in investigation]

[the-starry-seas]

You gotta tell me more about Whisper's problems. How bad could it *really* be for ne and Sol to be drinking buddies?

LOL well-

The biggest thing is, well, y'know. The kind of people who say "an army of child slaves sounds like the perfect way to solve problems" are probably the kind of people who dehumanise said army of child slaves. Jango straight up calls them livestock. Plus the whole barcode and CT numbers thing. Enough to give anyone issues when it's all they know! And that's not accounting for the extra trust issues coming from the fact that the Aces were betrayed by a clone from their own company.

Also I have a really incoherent set of thoughts about clones not having personal autonomy or the ability to say 'no', and the ways that can break them. And about how much worse that is for clones with touch aversion, like Whisper. And about how nonverbal episodes can make anything difficult, but are potentially lethal in a life-or-death situation. And how with emotions being all... fucky wucky, sometimes the only way to feel something is to get punched in the face. Kiss with a fist is better than none, etc etc.

(I also have a lot of thoughts about there being a different version of the clone chip that's installed with "live" programing, when sending a clone back to Kamino for reconditioning would take too much time. These chipped clones have to obey every order they're given, even if it would kill them to do so, and are forbidden from fighting back against anyone hurting them. I have even more thoughts about Whisper being threatened with a chip like that and being scared shitless because ne could never let the Aces endanger themselves to protect ner.)

This is entirely headcanon, but, Kaminoans are transphobic as hell when it comes to the clones. The army was made male on purpose and there's no reason for them to not stay that way. They hear about a clone changing up their gender and consider it a 'programming aberration', something tweaked in the DNA that makes the clone a little cuckoo for cocoa puffs in comparison to the 'real' soldiers. For one thing, Whisper is not fond of being called an aberration. And apart from the effect transphobia has on a kid, it's just stressful to wonder what's enough to get you taken from your family.

But that's not ner only aberration, as far as the Kaminoans are concerned! Or would be concerned, if they knew that Whisper was autistic. Which also brings a whole new set of Shit Whisper Doesn't Want To Deal With. I'm ready to kill someone with my bare hands like a gorilla after 15 minutes in a Wal-mart supercentre, and Whisper spent ner entire life in either a multi-million-people city or a war zone. Considering ne has no idea what a coping mechanism is (presumably some kind of machinery), is it really any surprise that ne has a load of emotional disregulation and anger issues?

The Aces did a lot to protect Ember and keep his deafness a secret. An unintentional side effect of that is that he sees his deafness as a Problem that would get them all killed if anyone figures it out. Did the Aces try to accommodate Whisper's own disability and accidentally teach ner the same thing? Does Whisper think there's something wrong in ner brain, and that ne needs to be fixed to be normal so ne's no longer a problem that ner family has to keep covered up? Yep. It sucks when your family teaches you shame, especially when they never meant to.

Also Whisper is asexual and demiromantic so like. That is also very alienating when you realise that you're not physically capable of feeling something that everyone else considers a defining trait of being human. Which also definitely ties back into the whole angle of Kaminoan dehumanisation, and the whole "ah fuck gotta fix the brain to be normal" thought pattern.

But the big thing is the child murder! In canon, one of the Cuy'val Dar had a fight ring, and multiple cadets died from their injuries. Whisper got kicked into the fight ring when ne was seven years old. Ner first time there, ne ended up killing ner opponent. And ne was efficient enough about it that Priest kept bringing ner back for more fights. Killing other cadets (some of them younger than ner) since childhood has, what's the phrase... deeply fucked ner up.

There's also the fact that ne internalises everything instead of relying on ner family for help or support. Everything is ner fault, therefore ne has to fix it all on ner own, too. It's like a damage multiplier against ner emotional state. The other Aces don't even know about the fight club thing, ne told them it was intensive training for consideration for an ARC program. That's gonna be a fustercluck.

[ace-avian]

It’s time.

To rate the versions of Garroth. Please note these are my opinions, you do not have to agree. I will be going from least favourite to most favourite. All the seasons are going to be counted as separate Garroths. No I am not counting mini series’ but upside down stories gets a participation trophy.

Here we go.

At the bottom of the list: Mermaid Tales Garroth. I love pirates so much I have a bias but this man- THIS MAN- you can bet he wouldn’t pay child support and would probably call me a slur

Next- PDH S1 Garroth. I don’t have to give my reasoning- mans kissed a girl without her consent. That’s reason enough. In the words of Chris from TDI- not cool dude.

Next- FCU Garroth. Hoo. This man infuriates me to no end. Garroth, buddy, if a girl you know and are very close to is CLEARLY not doing well and you NOTICE THAT, if she asks you what you like about her when you ask her out, do not say something physically. Dumbass.

Fourth from the bottom; PDH S2. He’s got a bit of development, he apologised for kissing Aphmau with consent. Though it was after SHE mentioned it so points deducted for not knowing it was a shit thing to do and apologising beforehand.

Next- Mystreet S1 Garroth. This man somehow did not learn- moving to a town/street where the girl who has stated she doesn’t like you like that is moving- that is CREEPY. Stop it. Stop that. And do I have to mention the play? I don’t think I do.

After them- MCD S3. As shitty as that season is, I love MCD so much, but I just- I cannot excuse the casual racism. Garroth you don’t trust Lio cos he’s from Tu’la? Okay you went evil for a bit but we’re not gonna talk about that? Sure he apologised (the Lio thing him betraying was never addressed again) but it still happened.

Next on the ladder is both Mystreet S2 and S3. They go together cos…they’re just there. I just kinda feel indifferent, they’re just kinda vibing. I’d say S3 is a bit higher than S2 but that’s cos S3 is like the only season I really like.

Next- MCD S2. Again- he’s kinda there. He’s lower than S1 cos he does kiss Aph without consent AGAIN- but he does get points for apologising for his anger during the going to rescue Zianna arc (though that anger was PERFECTLY justified the pregnant storyline was ridiculous with a capital what the fuck). Nice himbo man.

Next! Mystreet S5. Again. Just. Kinda. There. I love werewolf Garroth to be entirely honest though the Garroth and KC kiss scene throws me for a loop and gets him points redacted- I can’t remember how or why that happened. Prolly Jessica being a terrible writer.

We’re getting to the top; next is MCD S1. Brilliant himbo lad, even more in the rewrite. I adore him and his little awkwardness, though again- went evil cos- friend kissed the girl he liked- okay then- though not many points deducted cos I imagine Lillian did a fair bit with that.

Next is Mystreet S4 Garroth. I like him, his panic over Zane, and their brother dynamic ACTUALLY HAVING DEVELOPMENT- my beloveds. I have a vivid memory of crying when they hugged. Emerald Secret Garroth gets in the top three. Good job buddy. Gold star.

Second place! Mystreet S6. I have a supernatural creature bias as well including to werewolves (though unlike Jessica admitting it’s a werewolf fetish I just think they’re cool especially when the lore is fleshed out or changed), it enhances his himbo and AGAIN- ZANE AND HIS RELATIONSHIP IS WHAT SAVES HIM. The development of the forever potions helps tremendously. The moment of zane trying to reach out to his brother? Ow. O w.

And first place!! A Royal Tale Garroth! This man is peak I will not accept criticism. Him and Jenny are kinda cute in this scene I’m not gonna lie. Also trauma over killing his dad, gives him some spice a lot of Garroths lack (but that’s the writing :) ). Good job my boy. Gold star.

And as said, honourable mention to swap/upside down stories Garroth. Or as my friend says, Girlboss Garroth. He gets participation trophy and a head pat.

Hope y’all enjoyed. I’ll have to do this again.

[the-darkness-does-not-bargain]

oh i am looking at the werewolf lore 👀

on the beatrice’s pack sucking and beatrice running away, what if beatrice’s family was the pack

she grew up thinking her family were ordinary humans, because why would she think otherwise? Beatrice’s family hid the being werewolves thing from beatrice because if she grew up knowing they were werewolves, she’d know how werewolves become werewolves and if she knew that, 😱 she might decide not to follow her family’s wishes and become a werewolf, heaven forbid!!”

so one day beatrice is just minding her own business when she almost gets mauled to death. and then she discovers it was no ordinary mauling when werewolf shenanigans starts happening so she seeks out her fam for comfort but their reactions are basically “oh so it worked??? f yeah!!!” (Obviously not in those words lmaoo)

loving the idea of jillian begging beatrice to turn michael into a werewolf, the image of big werewolf beatrice w lil pup werewolf michael 🥹

something something beatrice wants to avoid the mistakes of her parents and actually be open and honest and be there for michael

so michael basically gets a free sibling out of the werewolfification

speaking of lil pup werewolves, had the vibe in my head that ava has a kinship w werewolves, she always hangs out w em and w ordinary wolves and dogs, and she’s considered like an honorary member of many packs or something even if she’s never met em, the help and friendship she extends to em throughout the millenia is so widely known to them

(Which much to ava’s dismay, is why most cats hate her 😔)

and maybe it’s all because of diego who was a werewolf

maybe he was a lone werewolf who lost his shit because of being a werewolf w/o a pack

maybe that’s how ava discovered his immortality, thanks to diego

he lost his shit and next thing she knew, ava was waking up w a gaping hole in her neck, and she never saw diego again

lilith and ava have a such a weird selection of stuff they know and don’t know, especially when it comes to modern stuff, and it drives beatrice up the wall, trying to find the correlation between all of it, she’s like the conspiracy theory board guy meme over it

They’ll know some obscure literally-only-happened-yesterday social media fact without knowing how to use social media, but then they don’t know some basic detail of something beatrice knows for a fact that they lived through

beatrice is having the fucking time of her nerd life parsing through ava & lilith’s records of over the millenia but then in they’ll have been in france during the napoleonic wars but then there’ll be nary a single mention of napoleon or the war in their records and lilith & ava are confused as hell when beatrice asks em if they know who napoleon is, and it’s frustratingly confusing for bea

omg that’s reminding me of a thought i had earlier about ava having literally met jesus lmfao

ava being ??? and !!! wtf when she starts hearing about some big religion they’re waging wars over and she finds out they’re having wars in the name of her ol pal jesus

everytime some bigot uses christianity to defend their bigotry, ava’s just like “buddy boy i ducking knew jesus myself, he fucking hated greedy rich fucks like you, he was gay, and he very much wanted everyone to just love and accept each other”

Oh wow, yes if her family forced her to Change and didn't tell her??? The layers of broken trust could outcompete an onion. And Bea's family is probably a big deal in the werewolf world, so there were likely a number of interested parties waiting to see how and when the potential heir to the pack would be brought into the fold.

And Bea would be so horrified by the way the pack is run and the oppressive rules they use to keep their members in line. And she would find out that some (a lot) of the people they try to Change don't survive the process, so not only did her family lie to her, betray her, and deliberately hurt her, they did so with no guarantee that she would actually live through it! That's the final straw, and she runs away during the next full moon, eventually climbing into Ava and Lil's place, possibly because she senses something safe or comforting about it. If Ava has an affinity for werewolves, Bea's wolf spirit would probably sense it and drive Bea to seek her out.

And oh my god, if Diego was a werewolf who lost his mind and killed Ava???? Devastating. He might have been turned as a kid and left to fend for himself without a pack to teach him control. Ava would have tried to help him, and he found something calming about her presence (there's a concept like this in the Mercy Thompson books too, an Omega (NOT that kind of Omega)). But then on one full moon it gets to be too much, and he can't stop himself. She wakes up an unknown amount of time later, and he's long gone. Maybe he's still alive somewhere. She still thinks about him, and sometimes dreams about him as a grown man wandering the world still.

So when Jillian begs Bea to Change Michael, it sparks turmoil on multiple fronts. Bea is terrified of killing Michael by accident, and Ava is scared of history repeating with a young werewolf living without a pack. It's Lilith who steps in to calm them both down, reminding Bea that she's an incredibly careful and competent person with excellent control over her wolf, so the chances of her accidentally killing him are slim. And she reminds Ava that Bea (and potentially Shannon, Mary, and the other gals) is a mature wolf who can teach Michael how to adjust and control himself.

So they agree to do it, and it works! And he's just a really big puppy who wags his tail and begs his mom for treats. For Bea, it's an opportunity to fully sever ties with her family and maybe build a pack of her own (with Ava and Lil included because who says a pack can only be wolves?). And for Ava, it's a chance not to change the tragedies of the past but to take their lessons and make something better in the here and now.

Lmao, Lil and Ava being like "Who's Napoleon?" "Was he that guy who... ehm, fought England that one time?" "That doesn't narrow things down..." Or they have moments where they're resting in bed, about to fall asleep, when they suddenly sit straight up and yell "That twink was Alexander the Great!!"

And if Ava met and was pals with Jesus, like a secret apostle, she probably tried to spread some of his good teachings to the world (without the God stuff) until she realized over time what that preaching was turning into and cut her ties. The story changed so much over two millennia that she can no longer see the man she knew in the image of him projected on the world today.

[joshrgomez]

I trust you Kailyn. Just know that you tried to make it work. I hope you move on.

I lowkey see you playing Charlie XcX while going shopping with your girls more than you are crying like a bitch like he is.

HES CRYING CAUSE HE FUCKED UP. HES NOT CRYING BECAUSE HE LOST YOU. REMEMBER That. Again. Ego ass mf. Sassy ass.

kinda gay. Says a lot especially in a break up. He’s mad cause you’re happy and shopping. Looking at houses to buy. Lmao.

he’s actually downgraded realizing he lost a hot ass girl who gives great blow jobs and cooks. Likes to get creampies and covered in cum by her man. She’s a one man type of girl.

she was trying to do two guys or a fuck buddy and not lose her ex. Shes getting over that and starting to realize that ain’t you girl. You like to fuck one guy and marry him if possible. That’s the type of woman she is.

how I know she’s a good girl and I don’t feel bad or betrayed. If anything I see a woman who WANTS to be honest with her emotions with me. A woman who WANTS to feel that in love with herself and me. Respects her own emotions and dreams.

I want to help my baby achieve so much in life. I’m here either way. You covered a lot yesterday thank you. I calmed down and got less defensive more honest and communicative you were Kailyn. Love ya

[stellocchia]

[oohh, Dust and Horror to the rescue! I love that. Wonder how it'll go and what the plan is. And if they already knew about Color or if they did some digging if Killer's territorial behavior caused him to try & keep Color secret. At least from the others if not Nightmare. Wonder what Dust and Horror's thought processes is as they watch this all happen] tags by @howlsofbloodhounds

I feel like Killer definitely tried to hide Color's existence from Nightmare much more than he did from the other two. Mostly because, you know, in his brain going to see Color registered as a bad thing. Like, Nightmare never outright stated that having friends was against the rules, but it was always very much implied. That's why Nightmare got him two new buddies in the first place, so he would have no incentive to look elsewhere.

That said, I don't think Killer would have purposefully introduced Dust and Horror to Color either. He wouldn't have trusted them to not snitch, even knowing that they don't like or trust Nightmare themselves. Especially Dust who literally despises him for forcing him to kill even more when he just wanted to put an end to the endless cycle of violence.

But still, Killer assumed that they didn't have any particular reasons to like him either. Mostly because he didn't realize he'd developed an attachment to them (nobody can convince me that he doesn't have trouble recognizing his own feelings and understanding his relationships with others beyond 'this person owns me' and 'this person does not own me', that boy is a mess) and therefore had actually been taking care of them. Physically, mostly, but since he's the one who knows Nightmare best, he had also been giving them tips and tricks on how to survive under him.

But yeah, Killer didn't actively hide Color's existence from Dust and Horror as much as he did from Nightmare, so, once they'd seen how dire things had been getting, they didn't need to do much digging to find out where Killer always snuck off to.

I also think it wouldn't take them much convincing to get Color on their side once they actually got to meet him. It probably would be much MUCH harder to get past Delta and Epic who, after finding Color in whatever pitiful condition Nightmare left him in, would understandably be defensive and not very trusting. Especially toward people who work with Nightmare and that also tend to respond to hostility with hostility. I genuinely think their first encounter would end up with all four of them bloody and battered on the floor, panting, and exhausted, and only then would they be able to communicate at all.

I also think it would take a while for Horror and Dust to start looking into escape routes because they'd definitely feel a bit betrayed knowing that Killer was planning to run and leave them behind. Especially because you just know that Nightmare would paint the picture in a particularly unfavorable way to Killer. Because, while he may be far more focused on Killer in this AU, my man is still at least covering his basis by doing the bare minimum to destroy Killer's support network as much as he can. (And be doesn't have access to Color to control whatever information gets out about the encounter that way, so Dust and Horror are as far as his control can reach).

But they'd see how far the punishment is going eventually. And they are far more spiteful against Nightmare than they ever were toward Killer. I mean, the reason why Killer's "betrayal" hurt in the first place was that they'd come to rely on him and care for him. So I think at some point they would decide that enough is enough. (Probably Horror would get to that point earlier, Dust is far more of a stubborn prick).

I'm not entirely sure what the plan between all of them would be once they actually get around to forming a tenuous alliance between them. Again, it'd be really hard to get Killer alone because Nightmare does not leave him alone if he can help it. And keeping him from running back now that he thinks he's actually cared for and needed is also gonna be a struggle.

I think the plan they'd maybe end up going for is getting Killer one of the times Nightmare leaves him knocked out and locked away and leave him alone with Color a while so maybe they can talk things through. I don't think it would be easy sailing though. Like, it may genuinely take a few attempts for them to get things right, and getting Killer away will get harder with every attempt as Nightmare shortens his leash more and more each time. And, of course, it can only really succeed if Nightmare never suspects Dust's and Horror's involvement (which he might not as I'd think he'd neglect them more and more as his focus narrows on Killer alone).

And, of course, Nightmare may up the manipulation factor as well if he realizes that Killer is receptive to all the love bombing stuff.

Like, dude, this has the potential to end up as such a mess for everyone involved... literally no one in this scenario is happy to be here

Hhhhhhhhhhh, been thinking about a bad ending for Killer where Nightmare manages to stop him from running away with Color and becomes paranoid af as a consequence of the attempt.

Killer is relegated to be always by his side after that. When he isn't, he's either knocked out or locked away somewhere Nightmare can surveil.

Nightmare reasons that he's still a useful tool. There is no reason to get rid of him. No reason not to give into the new oppressive brand of paranoia he's developed. Besides, Killer belongs to him so it was his failure that pushed him away. His failure to keep the leash short enough.

Ignore the fact that, being so stifled, Killer isn't really doing much even on missions. He mostly acts as Nightmare's body guard now since he can't stray from his side. He's not allowed to talk to any of his opponents either, lest another "Color incident" happens.

Hell, you'd expect Nightmare to flaunt his victory at any opportunity, but this is worse! Both because it makes rescuing Killer in the future much harder and because, well, to Killer this after a while starts to feel like care. This extreme possessiveness is all the socialization he's getting and it's so different from how Nightmare used to behave that he struggles to identify all the same old abusive patterns going on.

I can make them so much more fucked up than they already are...

[lucky-clover-gazette]

i think i like the four swords manga so much bc there is some just. very up my alley character and ship archetypes in there, but also the message itself and emotional beats hit surprisingly hard?

(long analysis below)

i like the idea of this character who is so ATTACHED to the idea of being an outsider and harming others, because he believes that he will never belong in the light with them. over the course of the manga, shadow link develops genuine fondness for vio, shows vulnerability through that fondness, and gets betrayed. no matter how real the feelings were between them, vio couldn't bear to hurt his friends or the world. it devastates shadow link; really gets to him. i wonder if he even knew he could have these feelings, falling for the very ruse he attempted to use on vio to get him on his side. while shadow is very ridiculous and theatrical in general, it doesn't seem fake when he expresses that he's glad vio has joined him. it also seems very real when he breaks down after the betrayal.

zelda choosing to be kind to shadow rather than mock him for being foolish is like the final straw that shatters his world view. she asks if he really thinks the light will hurt him, and challenges the notion that he isn't a hero deep down. she's not making excuses for him or telling him who to be; she's naming his deepest insecurities loud and clear and telling him it's okay to be scared. she's not rubbing salt in the wound of vio's rejection, but instead suggesting that shadow could find belonging with others if he took a leap of faith and tried to be their friend without an ulterior motive. shadow gets so giddy about the idea of doing havoc with vio, and it's like buddy, you're experiencing happiness because you like vio, not because you like being evil. i think deep down, we all just want to find Our People. and i can't stand to be cynical enough to suggest that we all don't have at least someone out there for us. it's just harder for some people to belong than others, as is the case with shadow.

shadow link is messed up and destructive to the people around him, unable to even imagine belonging in the light so he settles for chaos in darkness--but he submits, by the end of the comic, to the terrifying truth that he is deserving of love and capable of loving. i say terrifying because in an allegorical sense, it's kind of the equivalent of saying "i'm gay/mentally ill--i can't change that the world is harder for me, and it will be harder to find people who understand me, but i'm doing a disservice to myself and anyone i could hypothetically love by not trying to be my best self." it's a great and fairly uncommon message, especially for teenagers and young people in general.

i mean dude, talk about a bizarre but weirdly resonant reflection of the "gay teenager developing feelings for their best friend" experience. shadow link sets out to manipulate vio at first by appealing to his ego, no personal stakes in the game, but almost IMMEDIATELY falls DOWN BAD for this guy and becomes incredibly emotionally vulnerable around him. shadow link is genuinely LIVING for the time he gets to spend with vio, being as chaotic and theatrical and unrestrained as he pleases. he really believe that vio sees him, and likes him for who he is (which for the record i think is true, but vio also cares about his friends and the fate of the world, things that hold no meaning to shadow).

vio betrays shadow and it genuinely hurts, and that's kind of incredible for a short comic with a lot of goofy moments. and then shadow's resolution is vindicating too, he has agency in the choices he makes, and he does the right thing because he finally believes he doesn't need to remain in the darkness. he disguises himself to help the four because he knows they don't trust his face, really demonstrating the selfless desire to end all the magic shit that put him and the others in archetypical dark/light boxes. shadow link changes a lot in a short period, but the fact that to the end he believes that he still isn't like the others is negated by them saying he's part of "the body" and their friend. his "death" is very simply put in the text--"when a shadow turns to light, it disappears." it's not like a real death. it's a permanent and meaningful statement on how much shadow has changed, and found belonging and acceptance. if shadow's physical form came from feelings of spite and resentment, it makes sense that it no longer needed to exist.

and to TOP IT OFF, he does "end up" with vio and the others, if we're viewing The Full Link as an allegorical friend group or community. he's not quite as homogenous as they are, but rather serves as a shadow of the four. i love the panel where he's giving a thumbs-up from link's shadow so much. that's so simple and obvious, but honestly poetic. because like, in some ways you're never going to be just like everyone else. finding friends who are also gay or mentally ill doesn't make you any less of who you specifically are, and in at least some ways your friends and loved ones are always going to be different from you. i don't like it when the ultimate takeaway from a story is "once you live happily ever after, the darkness will be all gone," because hello??? some things never go away, and the darkness has, for better or for worse, made you who you are! qualities i see in shadow link are sardonic humor, unusual expressiveness, and a deep sense of caring towards His People/Person. those are fueled partially, but not entirely, by his not-great circumstances and deepest fears... but they're also where he shines.

you can be different from other people without resigning yourself to an lonely and unhappy life. coming out doesn't make you any less gay; seeking treatment doesn't magically cure mental illness; but acknowledging yourself for who you are is life-changing liberation, and necessary in the pursuit of happiness. these are huge and scary steps that especially young people are struggle to take, settling for resentment over the possibility of rejection. shadow link takes a chance and finds belonging, but still maintains the parts of himself that give him such a distinct personality. he is accepted for who he is, and at the end of the day who he is is not dark force whose sole purpose is to ruin lives, but just a strange gay-ass little dude who's a little bit extra but good at heart. and vio, as well as the others, appreciate that wholeheartedly. at the end of the day, the Whole Link just isn't the Whole Link without his shadow.

i don't know man, it's always special to me when an angsty character is written not as a joke, but as an opportunity to give people hope. even in the most obscure of places, even in ways that i can analyze endlessly but mean nothing to the average person. maybe none of this was the authors' intention. even if the manga was just, like, a shallow implementation of tropes and characteristics i'm a SUCKER for, i'd still love it to bits.

but i do see something a little deeper here, i can't help it. clearly the story has resonated with a small but dedicated group of fans, many of whom read the manga as kids or teens. i'm... honestly a little jealous of that. it's the kind of story i needed, and the kind of story i wish to tell. this series is truly a gift that keeps on giving.

[littlespoonevan]

can you please talk more about why the punching bag scene is the most important? i’m curious!

cAN I?!?!?

oh wow okay let me try and be coherent about this. and apologies in advance if i'm really not asjdfa

the punching bag scene is probably my favourite buddie scene out of all 4 seasons excluding everything in 4x13 and 4x14. it means everything to me and i truly do not understand why it's not discussed more often.

firstly, i think it’s the first time we really ever see buck confide in eddie? they’re best friends, we know they’re each other’s confidants and we’ve seen eddie vent to buck before (about shannon, about the chris skateboard fiasco) but i can’t recall any other scene where buck is the one opening up??? which is actually sort of funny when you think about how we always say buck is the more emotional of the two. and i’m sure buck has confided in eddie plenty of times off screen but this is the first time we actually get to see it properly.

but yeah, they’re at the punching bags and they’re alone and it’s easy to assume that eddie’s pulled buck aside for a workout because he can tell buck is frustrated. and just. not only is it the first time we ever see buck confide in eddie but it’s also the first time we ever see him angry????? we’ve seen him be betrayed and upset and act out but even in the lawsuit arc he was never angry like he is in that scene and there’s something about the fact that he trusts eddie with that anger??? and that eddie is so calm in the face of it all. he’s there to listen and to steady buck, that’s all

(also the physical image of that too when buck kicks the punching bag and eddie’s foot holding it down is the thing that keeps it from moving rip)

and then buck is talking about how he has to go back and apologise now - everything about eddie’s response is perfect. “why do you have to apologise? did you say anything that wasn’t true? if that’s how you feel - how they made you feel - then you have every right to say so.” the way he so completely validates buck’s feelings just means so much???? especially bc i think buck has a hard time discerning if he’s overreacting or not (probably even more so after the lawsuit) but here eddie is saying, no it’s okay you’re allowed to feel like this and you weren’t wrong to confront them

(i could go on about the parallels between the buckley and the diaz parents but that could be a whole other post but i think both of their upbringings helps them understand each other a lot better)

and thEN the moment where buck says he just wants to hit things and eddie blocks the punching bag and says, “i’ve been down that road. i don’t recommend it.” akjdfha god!!!!!! the way he can see his own self-destructive tendencies in buck and refuses to let him feel the same way. the way he spends the next ep and a half quietly watching buck and validating him and reminding him he’s allowed to give himself time to process everything is so fucking good.

ultimately i think it’s a scene that shows us So Much of where their friendship is now and how they always know how to be what the other person needs when they need it. it’s perfect <3333

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 317: My Boy Was Just Like Me

Previously on BnHA: AFO randomly blew up Lady Nagant as a good reminder of why you should never make a deal with this fucking guy, smdh. Hawks was all “well if it isn’t my two best friends, Deku and Lady Nagant, both of whom I respect and love tremendously.” Everyone was all “??” and Horikoshi was all “shh... just pretend” because it was too embarrassing for him to admit that he forgot to write a couple of set-up flashbacks I guess. Anyway so Hawks got Lady to tell them where AFO was hiding out, and everyone said goodbye to her and Overhaul, who never did get to see his boss (sorry buddy, I’ll send you a vial of my tears in the mail), and headed out to a house in the woods. AFO was all “hello Deku :) :) it sure is fun making you suffer :) :) :) anyways this is a trap”, and blew up the house. Yeah, we all here are getting reaaaaaaaal tired of your shit, AFO.

Today on BnHA: The Hawksquad and Edgeplatoon meet in a warehouse and are all “what should we do about the fact that everything sucks?” Mt. Lady is all “here’s a thought, what if we tried battling AFO with more than six people.” Hawks and Endeavor are all “great initiative, but just a friendly reminder that our friends also suck and would probably betray Deku which would suck further still.” Shouto is all “ANSWER THE PHONE DAD” and Endeavor is all “[IRONICALLY DOESN’T ANSWER THE PHONE].” Meanwhile over in Sadtown, capital of Sadland Prefecture, Japan, Deku is all “All Might, as you can clearly see I am completely fine and good, never been better in fact, definitely not caught up in the throes of an epic mental breakdown which is shutting me down emotionally, anyway so on that note I would like to leave you now goodbye!!” All Might is all “[can’t actually form any words because he’s too distraught].” Fandom is all “o(╥﹏╥)o.” Horikoshi is all “(*＾-’) 乃 [pew pew finger guns and barrel rolls into the darkness].”

sweet jesus lord

this literally doesn’t even look like Deku anymore?? this looks like Dark!Deku who shows up to fight you in that one room in the Water Temple. he looks like he’s about to crawl out of my television set and murder me with his psychic powers good lord

holy shit lmao Horikoshi is really just shrugging his shoulders and resolving last week’s cliffhanger with a single line of dialogue

fire is no one’s weakness. idk what other options you’ve got, AFO, but you’re gonna have to go back to the drawing board. maybe try bees or something. I’m just saying. we’re all expecting fire at this point but nobody is expecting bees

anyway so now they’re all sitting in some warehouse somewhere chatting about it I guess. shoutout to Horikoshi for finally giving my man Edgeshot some more dialogue at long last

well, Edgeshot, to answer your question, she exploded. so naturally she’s fine

nah just kidding, Hawks says she won’t be able to help them out much because she’s recovering from being exploded. this is the part where we all ignore the fact that Hawks got set on fire for like a full ten minutes back during the War arc and was only in the hospital for a day. anyways enjoy your temporary plot hiatus Nagant

man there’s a lot of dialogue here and I’m trying to figure out where to insert commentary but it’s kinda difficult lol. basically, Edge and the others are saying that they should gather up the other remaining heroes and get them all caught up on the whole OFA situation. which, hmmmm

like on the one hand, these guys definitely aren’t going to cut it on their own, so it’s a reasonable suggestion on the face of it. but on the other hand, do we really want to entrust the OFA secret to a bunch of other people, most of whom shat the bed during the War arc to be quite frank? is it really worth the additional risk? especially given that any one of them might go spilling the beans to the public -- or worse, betray them to AFO??

also just a quick side note here, Mt. Lady’s character development never ceases to delight me. she’s become so committed to her responsibility as a hero these days, and it fucking suits her. I genuinely consider to be one of the elites now. I mean it doesn’t hurt that all the other elites are fucking dead lol but still

wait what? Death Arms retired??

Death Arms as in the guy who was too afraid of a little fire to try and save a terrified 14-year-old kid who was slowly suffocating right before his eyes?? that Death Arms???? color me surprised. shocked, I tell you

...okay but holy fuck

Death Arms. bro. my expectations for you were low but holy shit. like I’m sorry, but I don’t even have it in me to try and pretend like I feel the slightest bit of sympathy for him or Old Man Samurai or any of those other guys today. thanks for a whole lot of nothing my dude. good riddance

(ETA: so I’m rereading this the next day and realize this comes off as kind of harsh, so let me just try to clarify. it’s not the fact that he’s quitting that bothers me, to be honest. it’s the fact that he’s quitting specifically because he feels like the public is being mean to him. that’s it.

seriously. it would be one thing if he was quitting because he was scared, because now that is human. nobody wants to die, and I doubt any amount of training can ever fully prepare someone to go up against that fear. but the thing is, he never once mentions that, or talks about the danger aspect. instead, I got the distinct vibe from this speech that Death Arms is one of those people who only became a hero because of the limelight. and I just don’t have any patience for that. if all you care about are likes and subscribes then go become a fucking youtuber or some shit. nothing wrong with that! but you didn’t; you signed up to be a hero and protect these people. they gave you their respect and admiration because they trusted you to protect them. and now that they’re no longer in the mood to worship and applaud your every move on account of them being scared shitless because they’re living in the literal end times, you decide to dip. so like okay, fine then. don’t let the door hit you on the way out. anyways lol sorry for the rant.)

anyway so yeah. perfect example of why I don’t exactly have a ton of faith in most of the remaining heroes out there lol. also let me just once again give a shoutout to my best girl Mt. Lady whom I suddenly find myself appreciating all the more

“please calm down makeste. drink some water and enjoy this fresh new jeans pun” listen Horikoshi don’t tell me what to do dammit

fine. it is a nice pun, I guess

-- damn so now Endeavor’s saying that the media is already being fed info by the retired heroes. so for some of these guys it wasn’t enough for them to abandon all the people they swore to protect and to leave their fellow heroes out in the cold; they decided they might as well actively make things worse for them while they were at it, huh. like I get wanting to spill all the dirty secrets from your old job that you just quit, but this isn’t Jeff Bezos you’re screwing over, this is a sixteen-year-old kid

-- like, yes!! this, right here!!

exactly!! let’s not forget that there are already two prior instances of this happening. Endeavor arguably deserved it, but Katsuki not so much

huh. Endeavor seems to have a more optimistic outlook regarding this than I do lol

I mean, this is the same public that didn’t hesitant to blame a kidnapped child for his own kidnapping, and then later on for being the downfall of the Symbol of Peace. but okay then

anyway so blah blah blah, more talk about how they need to use Deku as bait, which basically puts them back at square one, and then they’re all just trailing off into silence and sitting around in the dark lmao this is getting very depressing

SKDJFLSDKJ:LFKJ

SHOUTO?????

NOOOOOOOO ARE YOU KIDDING ME

OH HOW THE TURNTABLES OMG. THE GHOSTER HAS BECOME THE GHOSTEE. Endeavor you petty son of a bitch. and what a brutal cut to that flashback too. “let’s stop Touya together” nah Shouto I’ve got a better idea why don’t I abandon you in U.A. and sally off with Hawks and Jeanist to found the “let’s pretend like we’re doing something to help Deku” club, which basically consists of us sitting around making terrible decisions all day long

Shouto, honey. you deserve better my little Coca Cola can. .........but if you really do have something important you need to tell your dad you could just text it to him. all the love and support, hugs and kisses, you’re doing amazing sweetie. but if you need to pass on any vital information you can just write it down and hit send honey that’s all I’m saying love

now he’s getting another call?? -- or, no, Hawks is getting a call from All Might

ARE YOU FOR REAL HAWKS OMFG

so while you all were sitting around talking about how useless you are, the kid you’re supposed to be protecting was battling another hired gun. I see. please pardon me for one second, I have a phone call to make. the phone call is to RockLockRock and Manual. the reason for the call is to apologize for calling them the worst bodyguards ever back during the War arc. the reason for the apology is because it turns out I WAS SEVERELY MISTAKEN OMFG

JESUS CHRIST DEKU DID YOU JUST KILL THIS MAN LMAO

shoutout to Horikoshi for offscreening this fight. we get it, lol. Deku strong and scary, villains ineffectual and feeble, and AFO... [checks notes] yep, still a dick. the angst arc continues

-- the angst arc continues, SIR

jesus christ I may have to rethink all of my opinions about Deku being framed for murder in movie 3 lmao. never mind. he did it, your honor

holy fucking shit Deku. “he might blow up, so please be careful” fdlskjflk jlskdjflk lwkejflk anyway so I’ve decided the explosion running gag can stay, actually

DEKU WAIT YOU FORGOT YOUR LUNCH!!

lol why do I get the feeling some serious shit is about to go down. ALL MIGHT NEVER MIND BACK OFF I THINK HE NEEDS HIS SPACE

OH MY FUCK I GASPED OUT LOUD

NO NO NO. I KNEW THIS WAS COMING GODDAMMIT BUT NO. NEVER MIND, I CHANGED MY MIND ABOUT IT, I’M NOT READY TO CRY TODAY

shit. shit shit shit shit and OF COURSE all I can fucking think about is that stupid fucking prophecy and gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Deku please. please please please if you really are going to leave All Might here, please be so very careful in choosing your farewell words to him now because have this sudden horrible fear that this might be the last time you ever see him alive and oh god. oh god oh god

DEKU NO, YOU’RE REALLY NOT!?!?

I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE LESS FINE IN MY LIFE, ACTUALLY????

holy shit. and the fucking callback to the prophecy now. just in case we forgot. WHICH FYI, WE DIDN’T. but that’s basically confirming that this is all still very much on the table and HORIKOSHI NEVER FORGETS oh my god someone please hold me

and the fact that Deku’s flashing back to it now too, though?? because he never forgot either, because of course he didn’t, and now all this stuff is happening, and AFO’s words are getting to him, and this is literally his worst fear come to life and so of course he’s distancing himself from everyone, and now it’s finally come to even this. even the person he admires most

-- OKAY NO, FUCKING COME ON ALREADY I CAN’T TAKE THIS

I GET IT OH MY GOD, I ALREADY UNDERSTAND THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT OF THIS MOMENT WITHOUT ALL OF THE DEVASTATING FLASHBACKS THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!! YOU ACTUALLY DO WANT ME TO CRY, HUH, IS THAT IT. THIS MAN THAT HE THINKS OF AS A FATHER, THIS MAN WHO HAS BEEN EVERYTHING TO HIM SINCE HE WAS A VERY YOUNG CHILD. EVERYTHING THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH, JUXTAPOSED AGAINST EVERYTHING DEKU IS UP AGAINST, EVERYTHING THAT’S AT RISK. LET’S JUST PUT IT ALL SIDE BY SIDE. LET’S JUST PILE ON ALL OF THE FEELS

(ETA: just a quick note that even though some of the posts I’ve read have described these as All Might’s flashbacks, I’m pretty sure they are Deku’s. most of these are scenes that only he was there for, so yeah. even though All Might is the one thinking the thoughts on the next page, the flashbacks are what’s running through Deku’s mind right now, and so we’re getting that emotion from both of them, which makes it extra devastating lol.)

wait, what???

WHAT??? do you really think that’s why he’s been so determined to protect you this entire time?? simply because you’re his successor?

-- oh no wait lol I think I got that mixed up, this is All Might saying that Deku feels the need to protect him. well that makes more sense lol

oh my god I cannot

his last words. his last words to him. and we can’t even see if he is smiling, like All Might always encouraged him to do. but what are the odds he can’t actually bring himself to do it. what are the odds he’s actually crying. oh god this scene is going to rip my heart out and STOMP on it in the anime isn’t it. Deku’s VA is going to full on murder me with emotion. not that there’ll be much of me left to murder after the thorough job that Horikoshi has already done here

YOU’RE CRYING. DEKU IS LEAVING ALL MIGHT AND IGNORING HIS OUTSTRETCHED HAND AND YOU’RE CRYING. AND BY “YOU” I MEAN “ME”, FUCK

nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope no words just feels just a big ol’ pile of feels. I do not have the strength. future me... [broadly gestures] good luck with all that

(ETA: LOL, WELL THEN.

what breaks my heart here is All Might. All Might, and everything he’s been through, and history repeating itself, and forcing him to live this moment from both sides because he wasn’t strong enough to fix things.

Toshinori had only just turned eighteen when Nana died. like, I feel like we don’t mention this enough. the All Might we know is a sixty-something-year-old man, and so everyone always talks about him like he’s basically been an adult forever. but he was a child when he met Nana. and he was still just a child when she died. barely a year older than Deku is now. younger than Mirio was when we first met him.

and we don’t talk about that. we don’t talk about how devastating that was for him. and we don’t talk about how the reason he grew up to become so reserved and withdrawn -- for all that he always tried so hard to outwardly project the image of a bold, confident, smiling hero -- was specifically because of what AFO did to him. because AFO targeted him in the exact way that he is now targeting Deku. because that’s what he does. he goes after every new user of OFA, and he finds out what’s most important to them, and then he destroys it. and for Toshinori, that was Nana. if you’ve read All Might Rising, you know that AFO basically killed her in front of him (and only killed her, while letting Toshinori and Gran get away). Toshinori (while crying) later says she was like a mother to him. and interestingly enough, during this same conversation, Gran tells Toshinori that he can see “that madness in [his] eyes” when Toshi talks about becoming strong enough to defeat AFO. madness in his eyes. sound familiar??

what’s happening to Deku now is the exact same thing that happened to Toshinori when he was a boy. AFO tried every bit as hard to break him as he’s trying with Deku now. “the path you’ve chosen is a thorny one. every battle grinds away at your soul with no end in sight.” we don’t talk about how Toshinori experienced this same thing for forty fucking years. and all the while isolating himself, exactly like Deku is doing now. pushing people away, exactly like Deku. because he never had anyone who was able to reach out and pull him back. and those words that he now finds himself frozen and unable to speak -- “don’t push yourself”; “you can rest” -- are the same words that no one ever said to him until decades later, when it was already far too late to make any difference.

everything that Deku is experiencing now is what Toshinori also went through. and it’s only now, as he watches it happen to his student, the boy he loves like a son, that he’s finally starting to realize the full extent of how wrong it was. you shouldn’t have to fight alone. you shouldn’t have to bear that kind of enormous burden alone. you shouldn’t have to push yourself, and you can rest. you can rest.

but it’s too late. just as he’s finally coming to understand it all, it’s all too fucking late. and he can’t say the words, he doesn’t know how to say the words, and then just like that, Deku is gone.

and he’s alone. again.)

I can’t. this can’t be their goodbye. I’m not ready. for this to be how they finally part, and then they never see each other again except in OFA. how is that fair. how is that fair. how is that fair

fuck me. lol. how many pages are left in this thing. let’s just wrap this up lol. so now of all the times for this fucking guy to finally show up

I can’t believe Stain has been here literally this entire time hiding behind this random wall and cutting onions. that was you who was cutting the onions, right. no need to answer that we’ll just say it was

HORIKOSHI JUST END THE CHAPTER PLEASE I’M OUT OF SPOONS. YOU HURT ME SO GOOD AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT BUT YOU NEED TO LET ME GO NOW SO I CAN BEGIN THE PROCESS OF TRYING TO PUT MY LIFE BACK IN ORDER HERE. SO WHERE ARE WE CUTTING TO NOW WHAT IS HAPPENING

Stain did you also let AFO give you a new quirk. what’s with you guys. do you like blowing up

oh nvm lol because they were talking about THIS GUY ohhhhhh my fucking god

THAT’S BECAUSE HE’S SAD, LINDA!! jesus

omfg. and so yes, good, the chapter is ending here now on page 15. for once I am FULLY on board with that lmao

anyway so tune in next week for more adventures of Werewolf Deku!! that is, assuming we don’t finally cut back to U.A. at long last, which is actually a strong possibility considering that this chapter will likely mark the end of volume 31. it sure wouldn’t kill Horikoshi to start giving us some hope after everything he’s just put us through lol. KACCHAN COME GET YA BOY

[matan4il]

Let me start off by saying, I'm definitely a Buddie. But everyone has been pointing out Taylor's "this isn't about you" comment, especially compared to Eddie's "you're the kind of person who likes to fix things." But hasn't Eddie said similar things in the past? ("Seriously? You're going to make it about you. Again" in the kitchen scene). Taylor was trying to absolve Buck of guilt, even if she wasn't very successful at it. I guess I'm asking, what's the difference?

Oh Nonnie, I def get your question! Thank you for sending this ask.

Also, to anyone who sent me an ask, I will answer them all, thank you for being patient with me!

Back to this ask. I actually thought about this comparison myself, between Eddie and Taylor’s words, while I was writing the 505 meta and I believe the difference is in why they're saying what they are, which changes both the meaning of what they’re saying and, as a result, the effect on Buck.

In 408, we saw Taylor hurt and wanting to hurt Buck in return. Now, I'll put aside my opinion that she was overlooking her own part in why she was hurt (she came over expecting sex apparently, and while Buck should have told her he was asking her to join him on a double date, she wasn't communicating about her expectations either. So the fact that she read the situation wrong and made assumptions is also on her). The bottom line is that she was, and people who are hurt often express it by trying to hurt back. They don’t necessarily mean what they say. That's Taylor in 408 and it's also Eddie in 305.

I have written here and here about why Eddie was so hurt by Buck's lawsuit. I find it so telling that what makes him go off the deep end is not the betrayal of the city/department/team, but that Buck went ahead with the lawsuit even though it would mean he wouldn't be allowed to be in touch with Eddie. Buck had zero intentions of betraying Eddie's trust, in fact he did this because he needed them to be out there on the field together, but this is how Eddie subjectively experienced the lawsuit. And after everything else he had been through, this is the final straw that breaks his back. He loses control and turns to street fighting, but only after Buck stops talking to him. Just remember that Eddie is the guy who had a hard time trusting his own wife, the mother of his kid, so when he put his trust in Buck and then he feels that it was betrayed, he really doesn't know how to hold it together. So in that deep state of hurt, he lashes out at Buck in the convenience store.

Later on, they make up in 306 when Eddie forgives him, which I've always found remarkable. Eddie forgave Buck faster than I expected and without asking Buck to jump through hoops for it. Considering how deeply he was hurt, after Shannon had already betrayed his trust, more than once (and when he struggled to forgive and trust her again after she walked out on him and Chris), as well as his parents who had tried taking his son away, the speed with which Eddie lets Buck back into his and Christopher's life has always surprised me, and I think it was in part because Eddie really needed to have his life partner back. But it doesn't mean the hurt is all gone. Especially as we learn that he continues to street fight after this, Eddie only stops when he's forced to in ep 308. Only then does he start therapy, but it's not working out smoothly for him. So the thing is that in 309, when they have the talk you were asking about, Eddie is still hurting and dealing with what he had been through.

And Buck? Buck is SO wonderful in that scene, asking for forgiveness again when he doesn't need to, making sure Eddie knows how much he matters to Buck, showing Eddie that his trust isn't something to be easily tossed aside, and it's more than I believe Eddie has ever had from anyone meaningful in his life. EVER.

Which is why I believe he can feel that he’s about to be overwhelmed by it, so he tries to stop it immediately, tries to brush it aside, tries to make a joke out of it ('coz that "are you making this about you?" in this context is more like his "aren't you still going through that phase?" in 312 in terms of tone and purpose, it's not serious, it’s just a teasing dig, meant to cut away some of the tension between them) until he chokes, he can't speak or stop Buck from getting even deeper under Eddie's skin. When Eddie had already seen what it does for him when he can’t have Buck in his life. So he just silently gulps.

(this has gotten a bit long, so the conclusion is under a cut)

And the thing is, we’ve seen repeatedly how well Buddie read each other most of the time, so I have no doubt Buck gets it in the kitchen scene. He knows exactly what it means when Eddie is trying to stop him or dismiss his words, He gets that this is A Lot for Eddie and why he’s trying to undermine the intensity of the moment with a remark he doesn’t actually mean. THIS was the real healing Eddie needed as the resolution to his street fighting arc, and after it, we never see him being anything other than supportive and appreciative of Buck (except for those little joking digs that they both know Eddie doesn’t mean, just like they both aren’t offended by Christopher’s joking digs at the two of them).

I’m sorry this got long, but the bottom line is the context and the meaning behind the words is so different. Buck knows Eddie doesn’t actually see him as self-centered, that Eddie more than anyone else sees Buck’s endless capacity to give, which he even reflects back to him in moments when Buck needs it, like in 414, while Taylor’s words in 505 are a sincere chide. She really does think Buck has this tendency to make everything be about him.

In this case, with Chim’s punch, an extreme emotional reaction, the messages from him that name Buck, Maddie’s silence, I think it’s more than understandable why Buck would feel it may be about him. And the 118 at their dinner talk don’t chide him for being self-centered. They get why he feels the way he does, and they gently and lovingly correct him. So while Taylor was right that he was seeing some things that weren’t there, the basic image she has in her mind of Buck really is that he’s self-centered, very different to the way we know Eddie sees Buck, and accordingly, when she says those things, it has a very different meaning, too.

I hope this makes my POV clear. Thank you for the ask and sorry again for the length! I'd love to hear if this made sense to you. Have a great day! xoxox

[beauarlen]

You know, what made me upset about the whole anti DeanBenny posting thing was the fact that so many people were upset that it was being talked about in the first place. I literally read a post where someone said they felt alone as a Destiel shipper, and how upset they were that people were saying someone else would have been better for Dean or Cas…

Like, how do you think the rest of the fandom feels whenever y’all downplay other relationships involving Dean and Cas because “they wouldn’t have worked out” or “okay, as long as they’re not endgame tho”. Literally, I can’t count how many times I’VE gotten upset because someone implied that Benny was nothing more than a fuck buddy to Dean. THAT shit hurts, but whenever I try to explain my point of view I’m immediately shot down. It just frustrates me sometimes, and I wish people just figured out what a tag filter is so they can’t see it in the first place if it bothers you THAT much.

Don’t rain on anyone else’s parade y’all, please and thank you.

(I’m so sorry for ranting in your inbox, I’m just a little upsetii spaghetti this morning.)

it's because d*stiel shippers continue to be the most toxic people on this app because they just never stay in their lane. they shit on every dean ship or cas ship that is not deanc*s and spam every spn tag with their hate.

they're always threatened by all those ships that are not deancas and they get pressed everytime they see people shipping deanbenny, deanjo or even deanlisa, because all those people who are involved in these ships i just mentioned treated dean right unlike cas who backstabbed dean multiple times. they also get angry when cas is being shipped with meg because she was canonically the only person who loved him and cared about him and they try so hard to erase her and hate on her. they just don't wanna admit that dean and casti*l were awful to each other and cas even abused dean when he was suicidal in that alley scene from S5. their canon relationship is so toxic.

whoever implied that benny was just a "fuck buddy" are literally delusional as fuck because canonically dean and benny were buddies who fought together and trusted each other. and obviously d*stiel shippers are angry and jealous because dean trusted benny and that benny has never let dean down not even once. they're trying to downplay the deanbenny relationship because that makes them feel better otherwise they will stay mad for life knowing that deanc*s is not even healthy and has zero chemistry (especially after the kripke era lmao) and not to mention that benny was absolutely loyal to dean and their chemistry was unmatched. i love how benny was the first person who's a supernatural creature that dean trusted. I just think it's not easy to win dean's trust but then there's benny who fought with dean and helped him get out of purgatory. benny deserved dean's trust and dean liked and respected benny so much and like i said before he has never let dean down he was his ride or die friend. dean deserved a friend who has never betrayed his trust and benny deserved someone who has faith in him like dean did and honestly i wish we could've seen more of them but then again i'm sure as shit d*stiel shippers would never shut the fuck up if that happened and send hate to everyone who ships it. but knowing that jensen is enthusiastic about dean and benny but negative about d*stiel is such a serotonin and absolutely encouraging he knows damn well that those shippers are hateful and they don't deserve any crumb.

anyways don't let their angry insecure jealous asses upset you with their trash anti deanbenny posts because they're pure bullshit and no matter how many likes they get for them they will never be right and they'll forever be pressed at deanbenny because HELL they're more canon than d*stiel will ever be <3 (and don't be sorry! rant in my inbox anytime!)

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

Fic request if you have the time: The fight between Team Crastle & Skizz, but instead of Skizz dying, Impulse takes the hit from Grian's weapon instead. He could betray the Red Army, yes; but he could NEVER betray his closest friend. This action can either lead to him dying in Skizz's place or not, but either way, Skizz flees as the look in Impulse's eyes is one begging him to run.

*vibrates intensely* i will absolutely take any opportunity to change Skizz’s fate asdfghjkl

…

As the battle between the Red Army and the crastle begins, Skizz hangs back with Martyn, firing arrows up at the people inside. He knows they’re his friends, but he can’t think about that now. Right now, they’re his enemies. His bloodlust is stirring inside him, and he can’t hold it back much longer.

“Look, Impulse is in there!” gasps Martyn suddenly. “I can see him! He’s with them!”

“What?!” Skizz yelps, following his friend’s gaze.

Sure enough, he can see Impulse’s unmistakable face in one of the windows. Anger and confusion and hatred bubbles up inside him, mingling with his barely restrained bloodlust and creating a potent mix.

It doesn’t take long to explode.

Letting out a battle yell, Skizz takes off running towards the door, ignoring all three other members of Dogwarts calling his name. He shoves his way into the crastle, leaping over a pressure plate right by the door, and dashes for the stairs.

When he gets to the top, he spots Grian and Impulse standing by the slit windows, firing arrows out. They both spin round as they hear him enter.

Without stopping, Skizz charges straight at the nearest one, who happens to be Grian. Grian lashes out with his sword, but Skizz is so consumed by his bloodlust that he can’t quite react in time.

But as it turns out, he doesn’t have to.

Facing his best friend, Impulse dashes in front of Grian and takes the hit. He cries out as he feels the tip of the blade slice into his skin. Thankfully, he’s far enough away that he doesn’t take the full swing, but it still scores a long, fairly deep cut right down his back, from the middle of his shoulder down to his left side.

Grian gasps and takes an involuntary step back, staring at Impulse with wide eyes. “Impulse!”

Skizz pauses when he hears Impulse’s cry, stunned into silence. As Impulse sinks to his hands and knees, trying his hardest to stop the bleeding, he looks up with teary eyes and meets Skizz’s gaze.

Run, Impulse’s anguished expression is saying. Please….!

And it’s at this moment that Skizz fully realises how much danger his life is in.

While Grian is distracted with Impulse, Skizz turns and flees, climbing out the window and taking a running leap into the moat. He almost regrets this action as he remembers the magma trying to drag down anyone unfortunate enough to fall into it, but clearly the moat wasn’t properly finished; around the back here, it’s deeper and only filled with water, no jagged rocks or magma or anything, and Skizz is able to swim to the edge and climb out with no trouble.

Panting hard from exertion and adrenaline, he takes a moment to stare up at the window he just escaped from, his brain trying to comprehend what just happened. Impulse is on the enemy’s side… but he spared Skizz’s life. Whether intentional or not, he took a hit for Skizz and allowed him to flee.

After allowing himself a minute to recover, he rushes around the side of the moat, dodging arrows fired at him from Tango on the roof.

“Skizzle!” yells Ren as he approaches. “You’re alive! We had no idea what’d happened to you!”

“Sorry, I- I didn’t mean to worry you. How’s it going out here?”

“We’ve landed a few solid hits on them,” Martyn says, lifting his shield to block an arrow that’s about to hit his face. “But not taken anyone out yet.”

“Impulse is down,” reports Skizz. “I can tell you that. I saw it.”

“Down? I didn’t see a death notif in chat.”

“He’s not dead, but he’s not gonna be able to fight.”

Suddenly, an explosion sounds from somewhere near the crastle.

“Aim for Scar!” Martyn yells suddenly, pointing. “Aim for Scar!”

Skizz and Martyn draw back the strings on their bows at the same time, before simultaneously letting them go. Both shots hit their mark.

GoodTimeWithScar was shot by Skizzleman

“Look at you, getting three red deaths in one day!” Martyn says approvingly. “Good job on acting so quickly.”

Skizz smiles briefly but it quickly drops. “Guys, we gotta retreat. We’re still outnumbered and they’ve got the advantage of the crastle defences.”

“He’s right,” says Ren. “We’ve taken out three of them; that’s enough for today. Retreat!”

Led by Ren, the group retreats back towards the walls of Dogwarts. On the way, Skizz’s thoughts drift back to Impulse and he can’t help wondering if his best friend is okay. He replays the event in his mind and from the way he moved, there’s no way Impulse didn’t intend to jump in front of him. Impulse took a potentially deadly hit for him. But why? He clearly chose the crastle alliance over Dogwarts.

So why would he save Skizz’s life...?

…

That night, Impulse is trying to sleep in his room at the crastle but he can’t manage it. Lying on his right side is getting uncomfortable but he can’t roll over without shooting pain in his shoulder and back. Luckily, Scott has done a great job at cleaning and bandaging his wound. But that doesn’t stop the pain.

Trying to ignore the discomfort, his thoughts go to Skizz. When he made the decision to betray Dogwarts, he never expected that to include betraying Skizz. He’d tried, of course he’d tried. But in the end, he just couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t betray the man he’s called his brother for decades, even in a world where he knows it wouldn’t matter in the long run.

Now the question is… does Grian suspect Impulse took that hit on purpose…?

After a while, he hears a quiet knock at his door. “Come in,” he responds sluggishly.

The door quietly opens, but Impulse can’t move to check who’s just entered.

“Hey,” comes Tango’s voice. “How are you doing?”

Impulse tries not to wince as Tango appears in front of his limited vision. “Sore and stiff. And sleepy. But can’t sleep.”

Tango chuckles. “I bet. No sleep downstairs either; the battle is all anyone can think about.”

“Not surprised.”

After a pause, Tango speaks again: “Impulse, what exactly happened back there? Grian said you jumped in front of him.”

“I was trying to defend Grian,” Impulse responds. “But I was so focused on attacking Skizz that I didn’t realise Grian was also attacking until it was too late.”

“How could you not have seen Grian swinging a sword around?”

“I was just so hyperfocused on trying to defend him from Skizz.” Impulse snorts. “I hope you’re not accusing me of something, cuz this injury hurts like hell.”

Tango holds up his hands. “Not accusing you of anything. I just wanted to ask you directly, cuz Grian seems to think you did it deliberately.”

Impulse forces a quiet sigh. “Tango, I know you know Skizz is my best friend, but I chose my side, remember? I fully committed to you guys.”

“Yeah, but you do realise how it’s hard to fully trust you, right?” Tango responds. “Once you’ve shown yourself willing to betray one side, it’s hard not to be suspicious that you may do it again.”

“Tango, listen to me.” Impulse unflinchingly meets Tango’s gaze. “It was an accident. I hundred percent intended to kill Skizz when I inadvertently got in the way of Grian’s sword.”

After a moment, Tango nods and looks away. “Okay.”

Impulse marvels at how good at lying he’s become. He’s practised making eye contact and sounding confident in his words, because he knows that this is what gets him caught lying more often than not, especially by Tango, who’s known him for many years. But now he’s used his method on both his best friends and neither have seemed to pick up on his lies, so he must be doing something right.

“Anyway, I’ll leave you in peace.” Tango rises to his feet and reaches out, clearly to pat Impulse on the shoulder, before remembering his friend’s injury and awkwardly dropping his hand. “Try to get some sleep. ‘Night.”

“Goodnight.”

Impulse closes his eyes as Tango leaves, his nerves a little more settled. Maybe he can actually get some sleep now.

“Night, Skizz,” he murmurs. “Love you, buddy.”