#especially if they don’t spawn often in the only level they appear in

[turtle-trash]

I still nead to beat Pokémon rumble

[gay-disabled-characters-showdown]

LGBTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 1, Wave 4, Poll 12

A character being totally canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included.

Check out the other polls in this wave and prior here.

Andrew Minyard-All for the Game

Qualifications:

He’s gay and has some sort of trauma disorder probably.

Propaganda:

Very gay, pretty commonly thought of to have some sort of trauma disorder, he’s neat. I have many thoughts about him as a character but I don’t really feel like writing them.

Chicory-Chicory: A Colorful Tale

Qualifications:

Just a hare full of depression. Chicory notes early on in her appearances that she often feels depressed and in general absolutely has depression. The LGBTQ+ part isn't 100% canon, but it's pretty widely accepted that Chicory is trans (to the point where I had to actively search to see if Chicory was confirmed as such for this because everybody accepts it as fact), and I've also seen many sapphic headcanons for her

Propaganda:

I love this hare so much. Okay so Chicory is a character who never really had friends or anything, had a very fractured relationship with her old mentor and had so many mental problems a the start of the game, since the levels of perfectionism, pressure and imposter syndrome she was dealing with at that point had been taking a toll on her for a while. Chicory was a wielder, who is the one responsible for coloring in the world until they pass down the brush, and was also connected to a recent wave of corruption (or rather, tied to the brush which was tied to the corruption. Chicory just blamed it solely on herself pre-chapter 6) that spawned due to her own emotions, which first began after she had defied the former wielder and became the new one without her blessing. The color ended up just disappearing one day, and Chicory ended up just leaving the brush outside her room for anybody to find it, wanting the cycle of expectations tied to it to be broken, though she still was tied to the corruption afterwards, which isn't great, because she was in a really horrible place and that only fueled things further, which was not great for anybody involved considering that the embodiment of her doubts about Pizza, the character who had since picked up the brush, being the new wielder came to confront them, and when Pizza asked her about this, she couldn't give Pizza a straight answer about the situation because of how much the whole situation took a toll on her. Then in chapter 5 she got to be hit with the realization that she wouldn't be given up on just because she thought she messed up, because, after being confronted by their own doubts, Pizza came back, and refused to give up on her. After chapter 5, Chicory gets to be in a healthier place overall, especially since she realized that the whole corruption thing wasn't her messing up, but was instead the result of the Brush responding to and materializing the emotions of all past wielders, with her own turmoil just being the breaking point instead of something which was her fault. She also gets to have Pizza, who makes things a lot easier. When the game ends, the Brush is destroyed and new brushes unaffected by the pressure placed on wielders are grown by Pizza and Chicory, Chicory absolutely isn't in a perfect place, because that's just how depression works. But she's healing, and helping pave the way to others being able to access color without the expectations she had to endure.

I know none of this clarified the trans-coded and sapphic-coded parts of her, so I will clarify that that headcanon was started due to the instances where Chicory is actually voiced being one where she's voiced by a trans woman and backed up by many different parts of her story. The sapphic headcanons largely came from her dynamic with Pizza, who does not have a canon gender (and is portrayed as non-binary by a lot of creators) but still ultimately spawned a lot of these headcanons, plus the fact that both Chicory and Pizza have gay love songs in their dev team assigned playlists which are very likely meant to tie them to each other and also lend a lot to Chicory being very sapphic.

Anything Else?:

I am so sorry for the propaganda section being so long. I just love her

Mod note: tell me why, despite the submission mentioning her being a hare multiple times I was still surprised when I went to do her image description.

[im-a-lil-simp]

Not sure whether it‘s still open or it hasn‘t updated for me yet but ndhvdd if possible, can I possibly request a Techno x Reader writing where the Reader wants to cuddle with him, but they have no Idea how to express it so they just..get extremely fidgety?:,> Preferably in a SMP like AU because c o l d = very fluff moments but I don‘t mind either way :,33

I‘m sorry for requesting Techno but he‘s such a comfort Streamer and I just aaaA-

Also you don’t have to do it, ya know, since I get if not and it‘s 100% valid aldbs

~Hira👑, who still can‘t fall asleep because I just saw a Spider qjebdb

No Harm In A Hug (Technoblade x Reader)

Okay I can get behind more smp au, I don't wanna do it all the time, but this is nice. Techno is also a comfort streamer of mine.

This was such a cute request 🥺 I hope you guys get the callback I put in there.

It had started early on in your friendship. You had been friends for around four months and you were becoming more comfortable with each other. You loved being more comfortable with each other, it meant the all the awkwardness of a new friendship had finally washed away and you guys could actually get to know each other deeper than just surface level.

You knew it was too early in the friendship to get close to him physically. I mean, he didn't outwardly show friendship normally. Only in the small things, like killing a skeleton before you had to, sniping it from miles away.

He noticed it then too, how you would fidget. It didn't mean much to him, as he passed it off as nervousness or just a general tendency to appear fidgety. He understood of course, he had adhd so who was he to really judge.

A couple of months later, you were still facing the same issue. It was more of a need to be generally close to him now, though. You found yourself wanting to hold his hand and hug him when arriving and leaving a place. And when it slipped out to one of his brothers, they assured you it would be fine. They weren't necessarily affectionate as brothers, but they knew he wouldn't mind a single bit, especially because you two were already close friends.

Once you had even found yourself reaching for his hand. You hadn't a clue where that urge came from. Your feelings for him were complicated, but you never even thought about holding his hand. All you knew is how nervous you were to touch him, you wanted to so badly.

And then the war came. Wilbur and Tommy asked him to join them in pogtopia, and he couldn't deny them and their desire to bring down Schlatt as president. There would be no time for indulging you in your quest for affection. Especially not initiating it for the first time ever.

You'd come to visit him though. You'd sit around when he'd plant potatoes, or even following him, hoping to gain the smallest understanding of what he was doing or why. They had plenty of food in pogtopia, so why did they need such a massive potato farm? You also had no idea why he love farming potatoes so much, but you still supported him, even if you didn't understand this hyperfixation of his. Those days were normally calm.

There were other calm days as well, but only for Techno. He'd ask you to spar sometimes, usually when Wilbur and Tommy were out, so there was nobody that he had been explicitly asked to train around his temporary home. Sparring wasn't intrinsically calm, but he found it calming in a specific way since it wasn't the same as being in the heat of a normal battle or war.

It wasn't so calm for you. Sure, it was always nice to get a bit of practice in, you had a habit of getting rusty and he had a way of relieving it pretty easily. But the fact that you guys were so close in proximity, so close that at times you could feel each others breath reflecting off the others skin, bothered you to no end.

When he pinned you to the ground in victory, you wanted nothing more than to pull him down with you and watch the clouds for the rest of the day, rather than go round for another fight. You wanted to feel how warm he would make you from just existing next you. You were sure he'd be very warm.

He could see at that point the small twitches your hand would make towards his. He noticed when you would inch towards him, even in scenarios when you weren't being threatened by another member of the SMP or L'manburg. He wondered what was stopping you from being affectionate with him. He may not have been the type to show love that way, but it didn't mean he didn't welcome it with open arms. There was no harm in a hug.

When the war finally came, you were worried about him, as most friends would be when their best friend's life was on the line. He tried everything to assure you that Technoblade never dies, but none of his assurance helped to ease the worry in your heart. It was the day he went to war that you realized you loved him as more than your best friend.

You watched from the hills as he fought. You were on neutral grounds as far as everyone else was concerned, so you had to stay that way, no matter how much you wanted to fight next to Techno. He educated you on his plans the night before though. He didn't want you anywhere near the fight, as he knew you would already have to run if the chance to spawn the withers did arise as he thought it might.

When it was over, he found people rummaging through his base. It was to be expected to be respected so little by the people he had so-called betrayed. You knew your time with him was most likely over when he told you he'd be moving away so that he could enter retirement and be free from his violent lifestyle. It pained you knowing that your friendship would be severed in half and you would never even have the chance to dwell on your feelings for him again.

Until he asked you to run away with him. He didn't want to leave his best friend, he told you. Those words stung a little, but his intentions still excited you. He knew you remained neutral. You'd be considered part of the badlands if you had lived anywhere other than the main part of the smp. There was nothing there for you other than more war and hardships.

Maybe if you could just get him alone, spend all of your time with him, you'd finally be able to touch him. You'd finally work up the courage to take his hand in yours, or hug him in excitement, or just confess your feelings to him.

You confessed your feelings to him when you built your house together. It was so cold outside, but you worked through it anyway. It wasn't originally supposed to be your house together anyway, at least to you. You were supposed to build your own after you were done with his.

But it just kind of slipped out of you. He mentioned how well your house was coming together, and you replied about how you hoped yours would look just as good. But that confused him. He thought that you'd share it.

When you tried to explain to him that you really couldn't live in the same house as him, it confused him further. Why not? So he asked, and when you spilled out, "because then you'd find out how many feelings I have for you," you hadn't thought that your brain would not keep that little tidbit of information to itself.

And it surprised you when he walked over, crouched down, and patted your head. He wanted you to know that he felt the same. He wanted you to be as close as you had been trying to be.

Living together became something you cherished a lot, but you still didn't physically touch each other as much as you wanted to. Yea, he'd hold your hand when making a harder trek, trying to keep you going. Or he'd put his hand on yours when you sat next to the fire on a particularly cold night. But it wasn't enough, and you still couldn't bring yourself to take it farther than that.

Techno knew, but he waited for you to make a move first. You'd do it in your own time, when you were ready to. But as time moved on, he realized that that was simply not true. You were fighting yourself on it and he would have to step in.

When you walked in the door after making your way to the lake to fish for the night's dinner, his plan was already set in mind. You headed down stairs to separate the other things you fished up into chests and he took a deep breath. It wouldn't be as hard for him to do it as it was for you, but it still wasn't something you two did often.

You emerged in a comfier set of clothes and moved to sit down next to the fire. Mid-crouch, he grabbed your hand and yoinked you down to fall directly into him. You hit his chest with an 'oomph' and he wrapped his arms securely around you.

Your face flushed from his actions, rather than the sudden heat of the fire. Though, it certainly contributed. He hummed, content.

You buried your face into his chest further and gripped his shirt, this was exactly what you wanted. You finally had exactly what you were looking for and you definitely wanted more of it in the future.

Techno knew he'd have to do this a few more times before you'd do it yourself, but if that's what he had to do to make you comfortable, he'd do it every day of the week and every second of every day.

[wickedsrest-rp-archive]

NAME: Kuzlac

RARITY: ★★★☆☆

THREAT LEVEL: ★★☆☆☆ | Can cause death or injury but not as insatiable as most vampires. Weaknesses can be easily exploited. Most likely to be identified by slayers.

HABITAT: Pretty much exclusively in populated areas at night, and especially in places with high foot traffic and a bustling nightlife. Catch them Downtown.

DESCRIPTION: Usually considered by slayers to be more of a nuisance vampire than a serious threat, kuzlacs can still cause the occasional death or serious injury. More often though, they skulk around places of high foot traffic and nightlife, waiting for the opportunity to grab someone who is inebriated. Kuzlacs drink the blood of people who have alcohol in their system exclusively, usually taking only a liter or so of blood per meal. It’s theorized that this is because kuzlacs are vampires of people who struggled with alcoholism in life. After drinking their fill (which usually doesn’t kill the victim), the kuzlac staggers around drunk, enjoying the buzz. No one is really sure if kuzlacs can create more of their own kind like higher vampires; it seems that people who become kuzlacs generally do so without any contact with a vampire. Despite their spawn-like appearance, kuzlacs are more intelligent, hunting with patience and choosing a specific victim rather than being driven by pure instinct. However, they don’t quite have the human-like intelligence of their higher brethren. 

ABILITIES: With their enhanced strength, agility, healing, and senses, kuzlacs could pose a much greater threat if they wanted to. As it happens, they’re mostly content picking off the occasional drunk or unlucky social drinker having a night out. When confronted they won’t hesitate to show the assailant why vampires are considered dangerous, attacking with brute strength. They’re not the aggressive sort without provocation, though. Kuzlacs have an even stronger sense of smell than most other kinds of vampires; they’re able to sniff alcohol on someone’s breath from about a football field away.

WEAKNESS: The kuzlac’s incredible sense of smell is also one of its greatest weaknesses. They hate strong, foul scents, and will even leave a meal unfinished if they smell something stinky enough. They’re actually a little bit fussy. Their other weaknesses are shared with most other vampires: sunlight, decapitation, stake through the heart. You get it.

[salmonid-ink]

Let’s talk about Salmonid intelligence!

There seems to be a wide misconception that Salmonids aren’t intelligent, or at the very least, aren’t as smart as Octolings or Inklings. This idea couldn’t be farther from the truth! And because I’m the Resident Salmonid Fanatic™ it’s my job to talk about this. 

In hopes to make people consider and think of Salmonids in a better light, and NOT as pets, I’m going to do my best to pull evidence from in-game, as well as interviews, that imply or outright confirm that Salmonids are sapient, much like our beloved Octolings and Inklings. 

To start, I’d like to touch on their interactions with other creatures, namely their trade deal with the Octarians. It’s hard to argue for Salmonids not being intelligent when you consider the confirmed fact that they actively trade with other creatures to benefit the both of them.

They exchange their useful Power Eggs (and perhaps vegetables and fruits) to the Octarians for mechanical blueprints, weapons, and machine parts (and potentially tentacle cuts for food). We can wager this trade deal has been going on for a long time, as the Salmonids are fitted to the gills with machinery, and you can make the argument that the Octomaw was inspired by Maws!

While the Salmonids could easily take these blueprints and make the machines exactly as the Octarians planned them, these fish take it one step beyond and put their own twist on things! With their intellect, they’ve customized traditional weapons to suit them better, and the examples can be seen in just about every boss you encounter. 

Ink Storm + Brella -> Drizzler

Sting Ray -> Stinger

Ink Jet + Tenta Missiles -> Flyfish

Splash Wall -> Steel Eel

Baller/Splashdown   -> Steelhead

Shielded Octotrooper + Roller  -> Scrapper

Octocopter -> Chinook

Flooder -> Griller

Octo Seeker -> Mothership

Additionally, they are INSANELY resourceful, able to use any scrap of metal or machinery to make their contraptions, and make them decently reliable. Not to mention the fact that Scrappers are able to repair their cars! On the fly! All while under fire! That takes dedication AND smarts!!

Not to mention the fact that Smallfry, who could very well be babies (and I will argue that they are, as there is no benefit to stunting the growth of ANY creature), are able to pilot Flyfish. They were raised just right in the best environment, and now they’re super smart!

Also, Salmonids are crazy creative, with how they’ve incorporated their cookware into their weaponry. They take their aesthetic to the next level, man.

Next, lest talk about their homes!

It’s vastly clear that they have their own society. At the very least, we can take a glimpse of it with their houses. The Lost Outpost (known as the Colony at Sea in Japan) is a great example of this!

While these houses look like they were cobbled together with recycled parts, which falls in line with Salmonid resourcefulness, they are clearly stable living spaces that were built by he Salmonids themselves with ocean living and fishing in mind. 

Additionally, towards the back of the stage, we can see another house with a city on the horizon. While this is purely speculation, I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to believe that this city is Salmonid-owned. The areas you go to are claimed to be restricted ocean zones, and given that you’re so far out that you need a house-sized radio dish just to communicate, it’s hard to believe that the city would be owned by anyone else. 

I think these city-based homes would be owned by Salmonids that work with machinery, such as repairmen and mechanics. This could also include artisans! Farmers would obviously live in more rural areas, where they can plant and grow their crops. 

We can also glean a similar idea from the Spawning Grounds (called the Salmonid Dam in many other languages): 

I will argue until the day I die that the dam found in the Spawning Grounds, as well as the adjacent city, belongs to the Salmonids, as evidence by its proximity to the stage, the green water pouring from the dam, and the very clear Salmonid mark on it.

Whether this city was built by them, or it’s one they took ahold of and built upon during one of their past migrations is yet to be determined, seeing my speculations are even true. Either way, it’s clear that the Salmonids are capable of building structures and homes with ease!

If we talk about their homes, even if this is much more on the speculative end, we’ve also GOT to talk about the factory we can see at Marooner’s Bay:

Again, given the proximity to Salmonid territory, as well as the various Salmonid-themed items around the stage, we can speculate that these factories are Salmonid owned, and perhaps where they work on many of their machines and devices.

Things such as Scrapper Cars, Steel Eels, Flyfish jets, Grillers, and Motherships could be constructed here, or this place could be used for processing water or chemicals! It’s a rather vague factory, so again, this is all theoretical. I haven’t a clue what they do here. 

Next let’s talk about their art. The existence of art alone should be enough of an indicator that they have minds to think and feel with! Especially when their designs are as intricate as these:

The most of these can be seen around the Lost Outpost and Spawning Grounds, but every single stage has a few of these markings floating around. I don’t currently have many in-stage caps on hand, but if you take the time to look around, you’ll find a few on the ground and walls!

While a lot of these are very clearly graffiti markings, the intricate designs may have some meaning. While we haven’t a clue what exactly they mean, or what they represent, I think they’re extremely fascinating, and give us a peek into what culture Salmonids have. 

They’re likely made with stencils, but all the same, they were designed carefully, and must hold SOME significance.

I have a theory that these designs are primarily to mark specific territories. Perhaps certain marks mean different schools and families! Or some of them could be warnings, such as to indicate Grizz activity (such as with the bear icon, which appears in a few stages). 

I believe in part, these are a form of expression, ESPECIALLY if they indicate schools. There are so many unique fish-shaped designs, it’d be cool to see how these correlate to individual groups!

They could also be a visual indicator for Inklings and Cephalopods that, yes, this is Salmonid territory, so you’d best stay away! Because while it’d be easy for a Salmonid to tell what area belongs to who by smell alone, Inklings certainly don’t have that luxury!

At any rate, I’d love to see what personal art looks like for Salmonids. What kind of crafts do they make? What sort of things do they love to paint? We don’t really know, and we can only speculate...

One thing we know for certain is that Salmonids appreciate music. It even seems as though they’re inspired by it, given the descriptions that the Salmon Run songs have.

I feel like this is worth stating, even if their existence is fairly common knowledge: ω-3. A band. That plays complex instruments. And does all their own mixing. 

Pretty freakin’ smart, I must say!

Additionally, each of the members have VASTLY different styles. The Cellist is stern and stubborn, and won’t accept anything but the best, be it in passion or in radical works. The timpanist is soulful, passionate, and is straight to the point. The DJ is reckless and disrespectful, yet puts forth his best effort.

All three of them are so unalike to one another in style and personality. They may not even get along that well, but at the end of the day, they value working together SO MUCH that they make amazing, unique, and great-sounding songs that stir and inspire their people. 

It’d be amazing to see what other types of music that Salmonids like, because this can’t be the only kind. However the style of  ω-3 certainly goes hand-in-hand with the chaotic, resourceful, and determined nature of the Salmonids. 

We should also touch up on the fact that Salmonids are stated to have tradition. Aside from their 70-year migration, they’re also stated to pass cookware from generation to generation in Sunken Scroll #19.

"Salmonids are known to keep their weapons in tip-top shape. The frying pans they wield have often been passed down from generation to generation. You can see the unwavering pride of these fierce warriors in their (somewhat crazed) eyes."

I like to think that they also pass things like recipes and other tools down to their offspring and kin. Family and schools on the whole appear to be very important to them, which ties directly into their drive to work together as a unit, rather than separately as a makeshift team.

For some conventional evidence, look at this one bit from the Merry Fishmas piece, posted by official Splatoon sources: 

I LOVE this image, and there are so many tiny details that you can make out in this. Such as these two:

THEY ARE PLAYING CARDS, and this ain’t no dogs playing poker bit, either! It looks like the other one is losing really bad... Or going into a food coma. One way or another, the other Salmonid is trying to check up on them, haha. Or maybe they’re trying to sneak a peek at the other’s cards? Who knows! That sly grin tells a story.

Also, there’s this Goldie, who is fishing:

These are all pretty human-like characteristics, which makes me think, all the more, that they’re on par with Inklings intelligence wise. I REALLY want to see more interactions like this someday, it fills my heart with delight and joy.

Phew.. Well, thank you so much for sticking with me through this whole thing. I hope this helps people get more perspective on Salmonids, and what little we know about their community and culture. 

[monstersdownthepath]

Demigod Dossier: Velstrac Demagogues, part 1

Pictured: Aroggus, the Abbey-Maker

Lawful Evil Mad Artists of the Shadow Plane

The Complete Book of the Damned, pg. 120~121 Additional information is also present in Adventure Path: Return of the Runelords: The City Outside of Time, pg. 74~79

Our second-ever Demigod Dossier, now fully in-swing! The Velstrac Demagogues are the rulers of the Shadow Plane and all the lives within, though many of said lives within aren’t really fans of them. Natives to the Netherworld find the presence of the Velstrac an annoyance at best and a threat to their lives at worst, and would much prefer if they went back to Hell where they came from, but unfortunately for everyone everywhere they don’t appear too eager to throw themselves into the jaws of the inferno just yet. Instead, they’re busy throwing themselves into the jaws of one another.

The Demagogues represent the pinnacle of a specific subset of the Velstrac’s twisted senses of ‘art’ and ‘perfection,’ either because they’ve mutilated themselves into something wholly unlike anything else that can, did, or could exist, or they’ve pioneered a form of artistry that other Velstrac couldn’t even conceptualize in the first place and gathered a fandom. It takes some very twisted, alien forms of thinking to become a Demagogue and get others rallied behind you, even moreso because the Velstrac themselves are, putting it kindly, completely out of their gourd. When your audience already expects the insane and outlandish, you have to go even further, and many of the fiends you’ll soon see have.

We’ll only be covering four in this initial post, with the rest to be saved for later...

Demagogues view mortals as little more than primal clay to be shaped, and thus see little worth in investing true divine power into them, worshipers receive Boons that are are relatively simple: a trio of spell-like abilities, each of which may be used 1/day. Boons are normally gained slowly, at levels 12, 16, and 20, however entering the Evangelist, Exalted, or Sentinel Prestige Classes can see the Boons gained as early as levels 10, 13, and 16. Note that while they are Lawful Evil fiends originally from Hell, they are not devils, thus you cannot enter the Diabolist Prestige Class to obtain their Boons without DM fiat.

Aroggus, the Abbey-Maker

Demagogue of Possibility, Revenge, and Sanctuary Domains: Evil, Law, Protection, Trickery Subdomains: Deception, Defense, Fear, Tyranny

Obedience: List the names of those who have wronged you until the writing covers a page, then consume the parchment. Benefit: Gain a +4 profane bonus on saving throws to resist compulsion effects.

What a completely normal, sane, and healthy thing to do! As the first of the Demagogues to flee from Hell, Aroggus is EXTREMELY angry at the devils for locking them up in the first place. Angry enough to want revenge on the whole of the diabolic race, as well as the Asura... Angry enough that he hasn’t yet even started getting around to enacting his revenge, instead just constantly thinking about and refining it as if no iteration of suffering is perfect enough to match his fury.

True to form, he wants you to ruminate in your anger rather than doing anything to enact your vengeance, blacking out a page with the names (or just one name) of all who’ve wronged you no matter how petty or insignificant the inconvenience they may have caused. Unfortunately, no two ways about it, you’re going to look insane (in the literal definition of the term) doing this every day, especially if you only have one or two people who’ve wronged you enough to get onto your list. Scrawling their name, front AND back, until the page is filled and then eating it is behavior that will raise eyebrows no matter who you’re adventuring with. Best to keep this one behind closed doors. Make sure you have a glass of activated charcoal after, because all of that ink day after day (unless you write with, I don’t know, berry juice or blood) is going to do amazingly terrible things to your constitution.

The benefit is good. Compulsions are typically Save-Or-Suck effects, so having more Save means less Suck for you later on. It’s useful at any point in your adventure, so I can’t say anything bad about it! My only wish is that it was a little stronger, since some other gods give +4 vs compulsion and charm effects.

Boon 1: Nondetection Boon 2: Forcecage Boon 3: Imprisonment

Nondectection is a good spell for those times when you need to sneak by diviners, hide magic items from scrutiny, avoid the gaze of a Paladin who’s a little too judicious with Detect Evil, or to add another layer of shroud over Invisibility and the like. It’s a spell that’s a pain to prepare every single day, but useful to have when you need it... but you only have one casting of it per day, so using it wisely is paramount. Ironically, it combines well with your own Divination to find out if you’ll even need it later.  More often than not you won’t be using it at all except to idly ward yourself when going into town or diving into a dungeon.

Forcecage is a completely different animal, the offensive and defensive applications of the spell simply mind-blowing, to the point that keeping this to just one paragraph to save space is going to take some herculean effort on my part! So, the basics: Forcecage has two versions, both of which halt all movement through them: A 20ft square of force bars that allow spells, projectiles, and line-of-effect through, and a 10ft cube that blocks line-of-effect and all forms of magic and supernatural abilities. A Forcecage is effectively invincible (having Hardness 30 and 20hp/level) and impossible to move, so anyone trapped inside without the ability to teleport is likely to stay there for the spell’s duration. Also, to put it simply, shoving enemies in the cage is the main point, but if you cannot, a 10ft/20ft square is an enormous roadblock to stop up narrow passages with.

Which leaves Imprisonment, a portable hole you can shove all sorts of problems into, which will likely create new problems down the line if the target had anything you needed on them. I recommend knocking out a foe, stripping them of their valuables, and then shoving them into their baby jail for all eternity! With the Freedom spell being the only means to undo Imprisonment (even Wish and Miracle fail), you’ll have no actual way to undo the spell against any target you cast it on for one or two more levels, if at all (depending on the party composition). Make sure to use it only when the villain has no MacGuffins, or is a powerful recurring threat. Imprisonment works on anything and everything capable of failing the Will save (take note, anyone wanting to fight Kaiju, Great Old Ones, or Spawn of Rovagug), which gets a -4 penalty if you know the target’s name and some facts about its life, so famous villains are even more vulnerable to being thrown into the Eternity Marble! 

------

Barravoclair, Lady of the Final Gasp

Demagogue of the Elderly, Fatalistic Insights, Resurrection Domains: Death, Evil, Healing, Law Subdomains: Murder, Restoration, Resurrection, Undead

Obedience: Practice breath control, holding your breath until you nearly pass out. Benefit: Gain a +4 profane bonus on checks to resist drowning and on saves against inhaled poisons.

A hell of a step down in terms of unhealthiness in terms of Aroggus, and significantly less suspicious, too. Breath control is practiced by people of all stripes, from athletes to explorers to simple monks attempting more profound meditation. While ‘nearly passing out’ is skirting an edge most people won’t approach, it’s not exactly as dangerous for you as, say, inhaling water or eating poison every day. Without any materials needed, the Lady of the Final Gasp is one of the simplest and probably the single cheapest Obedience ritual one could ask for! There is a minor caveat in that races who can’t breathe can’t technically do this Obedience at all, but those aren’t the audience Barravoclair wants anyway.

Unfortunately, the benefit is as weak as the Obedience is easy to do. Drowning is unlikely to come up as a danger unless you’re physically dragged into the water by a monster (which means holding your breath likely isn’t an option anyway), and inhaled poisons are the least common poison type in the game. Against the odd Catoblepas or Green Dragon it will come in handy, but it’s protection from injury poison you really need, which the Lady of the Final Gasp doesn’t provide.

Boon 1: Speak With Dead Boon 2: Resurrection Boon 3: Soul Bind

Alright, let’s face it. Some days, you need Speak With Dead to keep the plot running smoothly. Whether your overzealous DPS kills everyone in the room, your Fireball-lobbing Sorcerer kills everyone in the room, or your summoner’s unchained beasts kill everyone in the room, chances are at some point in your career you’re going to save the party a lot of headaches by being able to pull answers from a corpse. Having Speak With Dead available every day will likely not matter 80% of the time (meaning you can typically use it at your leisure just before going to bed), but much like with Water Breathing and spells like Remove Curse and Neutralize Poison, having it for those 20% of times you need it can keep the wheels spinning and stop unneeded side quests.

... And speaking of side quests and things you’ll need once in a blue moon, Resurrection? For free? Even 1/day? With the hefty cost of 10,000gp for the normal spell, even a well-off party will feel the impact every single time they have to use Rez, but the removal of the cost ups the power level of the spell by a margin so enormous that it doesn’t really matter what Boon you get before or after this one; THIS boon rewards worship of Barravoclair enough to justify putting up with her empty benefit. Even without factoring in the ability to raise party members, you can now curry favor with people of all stripes and demand all forms of insane payments for your ability to raise centuries-old dead at no cost but time... or do your work for free and call in favors at a later date. Do note, however, that you’ll also need someone else on standby to remove the negative levels/stat drain caused by the resurrection process.

I said it didn’t matter what the third Boon was and I stand by it. Unlike with the free Rez above, Soul Bind’s enormous cost still makes its use as anything but a once-per-campaign finisher of an annoying enemy irritating and unfeasible. Spell-likes normally require no components, but Soul Bind operates in a gray area of the rules in that its focus component becomes the subject for the spell, meaning that a DM can very easily and very rightly say you DO require the  gemstone whose value must equal or exceed the target’s HD x 1,000. Binding even a simple 5 CR creature requires the tall order of a 5,000gp gemstone, and if you want to use it on a target that’s worthwhile, it gets expensive fast. It’s way cheaper and easier to just hire a Cacodaemon. 

------

Fharaas, the Seer in Skin

Demagogue of Experience, Murder, and Patterns Domains: Evil, Knowledge, Law, Repose Subdomains: Ancestors, Fear, Memory, Souls

Obedience: Study the interior of a freshly severed limb. Benefit: You are immune to bleed effects that deal 6 damage or less.

This Obedience is deceptively simple for what its implication is. You’d best get yourself a Sack Of Rats or have access to a lot of disposable prisoners (or the Regenerate spell)! But thankfully, there’s some wiggle room in the wording: ‘freshly severed’ means no cheating and using Gentle Repose on the same arm over and over, but it ALSO means you can carry around a single corpse and slowly slice it apart, as the limbs themselves don’t have to be fresh, just freshly cut off for the purpose of the ritual. Also, you can use the bodies of Undead, Constructs, and any other creature that technically has severable limbs! Though Fharaas, the Seer In Skin, will likely punish you if your ritual doesn’t involve the examination of actual flesh.

You’re going to look really weird, is what I’m saying. At least if someone barges in on you, you can claim you’re inspecting them for something or other. Infection, signs of magic, etc, whatever you can come up with to blunt the blow. You can cover yourself moderately well by being a butcher or a hunter in your day job, as the severed limb doesn’t have to be human, or even sapient (hence why I suggest a Sack Of Rats), letting you freely slice up and examine your kills.

Bleed effects are fairly uncommon in the grand scheme of things but are also a pain in the neck to deal with in the middle of battle, so this giving a +4 bonus aga--wait, sorry, hold on no, this isn’t a bonus to saving throws? Or skill checks to heal bleed? It just... Stops them if they deal 6 or less damage? You don’t even have to make a save?

Okay. Okay, alright. So you’re just immune to bleed, then?

More or less, really. There are very few monsters that deal more than d6 bleed damage with their attacks (be warned that higher-level ones can sometimes stack their bleed!), and this ability also works on the rare but dreaded stat bleed, and off the top of my head there are NO monsters that deal more than a d4 dice in stat bleed damage. My main problem is that it doesn’t reduce the bleed damage you take by 6, so taking even 1 more point of bleed damage makes this ability useless. Still, though it’s fairly narrow, being effectively immune to a dangerous and irritating status ailment at level 3 or so (when bleed is at its most threatening) is well worth taking up butchery. 

Boon 1: Keen Edge Boon 2: Vision Boon 3: Foresight

Keen Edge is a spell you absolutely want to slap onto any vaguely pirate-y or hoity-toity party member you may have, as cutlasses, rapiers, and scimitars all leap from a dangerous 18~20 critical range to a terrifying 15~20, meaning they threaten to critically strike 1 out of every 4 attacks instead of just once every other fight or so. With a duration of 10 min/level, the enchantment will likely last multiple fights even if you only have it 1/day, but unfortunately it refuses to stack with any crit-boosting enchantments or feats the wielder may already possess, lessening its usefulness as your adventure goes on and your martial party members pick up increasingly fancy gear and pad out their collection of feats. Still, it’s useful for when you get it, and will remain useful for several levels after.

Vision is a whole different beast, and a dangerous one at that. It operates as the Legend Lore spell but vastly accelerated, allowing you to scrape the public consciousness for any information it may have on a specific person, place, or thing. I’ve complained about the general niche uses of Legend Lore before, but Vision grants the information in a much shorter time (a single standard action) at the cost of a potential for failure and a slap of fatigue whether you succeed or not. I don’t like 1/days that do nothing on a failure, but since Vision is purely a downtime spell (unless you need to know the boss’ weakness or info on the Evil Doom Artifact right now immediately), it’s not as much of an impediment to lose out on whatever information it could give you. That being said, the DM will likely have ways for you to do whatever plot-relevant research you need anyway, so Vision is more of a way to speed up the process than anything.

Which leaves Foresight, a spell whose main benefit relies intensely on DM cooperation, as I’ve ranted about here. Mechanically it’s fairly unimpressive, but if the DM reads the spell carefully, they should realize it gives whoever you cast it on a 6-second glance into the future at all times. Whatever horrors befall the victim 6 seconds from now should spring into your mind before they happen, making you the best trap radar on the planet, and the spell’s warnings for the best ways to protect yourself will urge the DM to grant you information about the enemy’s capabilities you may never otherwise know... but what do you expect from 9th level magic? It SHOULD be filling you in with details you’d never figure out!

------

Inkariax, the White Death

Demagogue of Preservation, Absolute Cold, and Solitude Domains: Evil, Law, Void, Water Subdomains: Fear, Ice, Isolation, Slavery

Obedience: Inventory your collection of hoarded knickknacks, reciting your unique name for each item as you do Benefit: Gain a +4 profane bonus on saving throws to resist effects that would petrify or paralyze you.

God, finally, someone normal. At worst you’ll look like someone with a few obsessive issues, but at least you won’t look like a menace to society as you lay out your, I dunno, marbles or bone dice or dolls or what have you and make note that they’re still there, cooing to them with names only you know. It’s fitting for Inkariax, of all the Demagogues, to have an Obedience that requires no self-harm, physically or psychologically; unlike all the rest, he was born perfect and doesn’t need to chase after it. Instead, he pursues finding perfection in others, freezing and collecting people and items he believes represent perfection in whatever unusual way he desires that day (having perfect posture, or a perfect scream, or a perfect pair of eyes, etc). Much like him, you’re encouraged to expand a collection of whatever you deem perfect and desirable, which you’re often going to do just over the course of normally adventuring. I’ve yet to see a player character that doesn’t start amassing all sorts of junk in their pockets the moment they get a Bag of Holding or similar.

Indeed, you can just pick up whatever catches your fancy, be it stones, sticks, or severed bits of an enemy, though I’m sure Inkariax will ever-so-slowly raise a disapproving eyebrow if you just pick up any old junk. Make sure to curate your collection now and then! Being able to perform this Obedience with anything you happen to gather is especially helpful if you’re ever separated from your collection (always a danger) and need to start again, but note that each item you gain in your collection must have a completely unique name. That’s only really a danger for especially RP-heavy campaigns, but in such campaigns Worship of the White Death isn’t for everyone who just names all their collected bird feathers Jeffery. Start getting in the habit of stretching out your inventory sheet with names for all your items!

The benefit you get from lovingly counting up all your stolen statuettes and dusty books is resistance to two of the worst status effects in the game. While petrification is relatively rare it typically appears in Save-Or-Suck form, which makes protection against it far more valuable than, say, protection against something like the far more common fatigue or exhaustion. Paralysis is an ailment just short of a death sentence by itself, costing the victim their turn at best and their life at worst, so even a +4 between you and that is something you need to cling to with your entire being.

Boon 1: Sleet Storm Boon 2: Sequester Boon 3: Microcosm

Sleet Storm is a very simple spell with a decent number of functions. Its Long range means that any enemy in your line of sight can potentially be a target, letting you lash out easily at ranged enemies or dangerous casters by creating a 40ft-wide and 20ft-tall area of concealing sleet that’s impossible for any vision to pierce (except the rare and niche Snowsight or Fogcutter Lenses). Anyone inside will have to rely on Tremorsense or Blindsense (though the jury’s out on if the splashing of the sleet would confound those, as well) to navigate it, and 40ft of difficult terrain can feel impossible to clamber through when you start right in the middle of it with no idea which way is the way you need to go. It’s one of the strongest vision-blockers in the game due to its immunity to common tactics that thwart lesser spells (Gust of Wind, True Seeing, etc), forcing enemies to either blow their valuable uses of Dispel Magic or suffer for its entire duration. My only complaint is that you only get it 1/day and that it screws over your party just as hard if you use it incorrectly.

Sequester is as niche a use spell as there ever was for players, requiring a bit of forethought about what or who you’d want to hide with it. The target must be willing or inanimate to be affected, so tricking an enemy via Charm or Dominate into accepting the spell can keep them fresh as a daisy for weeks at a time if you ever have a reason to do such a thing. More often than not you’ll use it to conceal items you seriously don’t want seen or detected, such as a Bag of Holding or similar loaded with your collection of knickknacks or emergency supplies, a particular hostage, an NPC you need to keep alive, or your phylactery if you’re a Lich. If you’re especially sadistic, using it on an item someone else needs and throwing it into a well or a hoard of other objects will keep them occupied for a while. If you’re a more martial character, using it to hide your armor is viable, making it seem as though you’re invincible when enemy blows bounce straight off, or even your weapon to confound your enemies who seem to be taking wounds from an unseen item. Your mime routine will be killer, literally! Just... Just don’t drop the thing, because in the heat of battle you’re never going to find it.

Microcosm is one of the best spells you can hurl into a crowd of commoners or a swarm of foes meant to gum you up instead of actually threaten you. Its 30 HD limit will mean it likely will only strike one or two creatures capable of actually threatening you, but it’s brutal even then. The spell is permanent, trapping your victims in an illusory world in which everything goes right for them even as their bodies starve to death in the waking world. Anything with less than 10 HD is automatically affected with no saving throw, the spell easily mopping up mobs, while anything with 11~15 HD escapes automatically after 10 min... per level you have. On a successful save. There’s Save-Or-Suck, and then there’s the immensely rare Save-And-Suck! No wonder Microcosm is ONLY on the Psychic’s list! Anything with more than 16 HD is unaffected if they succeed their save, but all their allies are likely in an everlasting dreamland now. The big issue is that the HD restriction is way tighter than you may think; creatures, especially at higher levels, usually do NOT have HD matching their CR, but if you’re mainly battling level-appropriate Humanoid or Monstrous Humanoid creatures, Microcosm is fairly reliable in such battles, as those foes typically have HD that roughly matches their CR. But if you’re up against, say, Dragons or Outsiders, good luck bud.

Side note: Microcosm and Sequester used in combination make for excellent ways to start your own morbid collection of living creatures, just like your icy master! Just make sure you have some non-Divination means of seeing them, as Sequester blocks even True Sight.

[my-writings-and-musings]

I have another lovely commission to share! This one is a sequel to the last, with the Brave Police spending more time on the Lost Light to answer questions, and it's just as precious in my opinion!

"Now, now, there's room for everyone. Single file please!"

Ultra Magnus thankfully had ample experience and skill getting his voice to fill the entire classroom, and so the crowd was able to take their seats in a mostly organized fashion at last, filling up the entire room from back to front in short order. Scarcely a single bot on the ship wasn't present for the day's presentation, and one glance at the tightly packed rows of tables made that obvious. No one wanted to miss the long awaited event.

At the head of the classroom, Ultra Magnus murmured about the ill manners being displayed to their guests before nodding at the bots in question. Sitting in their own row at the raised stage, the Brave Police looked like a full representation of all the reactions possible for the center of attention. Some were happy, others flustered, and a few quite casual about all the fuss. Deckerd, ever the responsible leader, held his small collection of notes tightly as he nodded in return to the much bigger bot. Rodimus took that as his cue to hop on stage.

With a single whistle, the captain reduced the fog of chatter to absolute silence, something he took with a proud smile before speaking. 

"Alright, everybot, you know the drill! The Brave Police have been kind enough to agree to this little Q and A panel, so let's show them the proper courtesy while they're up here." he announced happily, looking about the crowd and lingering his optics on a few potentially troublesome bots in particular. Making sure to use his Captain voice, he leveled a serious look at each as he issued his warning. "That means no talking unless you get called, and no hogging the mic when it's your turn."

"Discipline will be administered if anyone breaks these rules." Ultra Magnus said, finalizing the warning with an undeniably serious threat. Beyond a few nervous glances, the room remained frozen in total silence after the big bot went back to his dutiful watch. No one present would dare risk incurring the wrath of Ultra Magnus, not even for the questions that they wanted answered more than anything. 

"Sooo…" Rodimus interjected, taking back the stage briefly to try and bring some life back into the event. Gesturing to the main guests, he gave the best parting warm up he could before stepping off the stage. "Without further ado, I'm going to give the show over to them. All yours, Deckerd!"

Clearing his throat politely, the police cruiser stood up on his spot, briefly taking hold of the rim on his hat-like helm accent as he often did when nervous. Taking hold of his notes, he spoke up with the somewhat ineffectual tone of a practiced but uncom public speaker.

"To start, we would all like to offer our thanks! For everything you've done, and for allowing us this opportunity, you have our deepest gratitude." the well mannered bot said humbly, briefly glancing at Rodimus for a flash of pointed thanks before returning to his notes. The captain couldn't help but puff up a little, quite proud of his suggestion all over again, but he was otherwise still and silent as he watched. 

"Now, I understand you have many questions, and we are happy to answer them as a group or individuals." he explained, looking to his teammates for group confirmation. Each gave some form of assent, ranging from Duke's proper and stiff nod to Gunmax putting his pedes on the table with a vague gesture of agreement. Deckerd merely narrowed his optics for an instant before returning his smile to the crowd. "Through the system, I will begin the process of selection!"

A button on the desk, intended as a method of selecting students to answer questions, was activated. Every bot froze in anticipation that they might be selected first, with each hoping they might be the lucky winner. Magnus had mandated the algorithm select at random to prevent any cries of unfair choice for good reason…

So of course it was quite fitting that Whirl of all bots get the first question.

A group groan was cut off by another Magnus stare, yet the orderly mech was clearly beyond apprehensive at the possible chaos about to unfold. Uncaring of the tension his selection created for the crew, Whirl merely cleared his vents and stood up with obvious purpose, having planned his potential query well in advance of the moment. Looking to the bots on stage, his optic betrayed little emotion as he spoke. "So uh, were you guys actually built by humans? From scratch? Processor and all?"

There was an immediate cringe amongst the entire crew, as the question was immeasurably rude by Cybertronian standards, but the Brave Police didn't flinch. 

"Yes!" Deckerd replied happily, completely unaffected by the cultural faux pas he'd just had directed his way. "Each of us was constructed by the Japanese police force, starting with myself."

"Except for Duke, he was made by the Scotland Yard." McCrane specified, drawing attention to the brightly colored and reserved mech at the end. The attention actually seemed to fluster Duke, who flashed an expression of surprise to be singled out before dropping his gaze and quietly confirming the fact.

"That is correct."

There was a moment of mixed murmuring amongst the crowd, with Whirl looking satisfied to have gotten his answer along with getting the ball rolling, and he sat down to allow the next bot a turn. It took just as little time for the next selection to occur as the first. 

"How recently was that, exactly?" Swerve said, looking confused but happy to be the central figure of the moment. It was a much less disrespectful question by Cybertronian standards than the first, and the bots on stage appeared equally content to answer it.

"As of this date, it has been four years and five months since my activation." Deckerd replied casually, unintentionally sending a wave of disbelief through the entire room. This mature, well rounded bot was barely more than a protoform?! 

"We were constructed seven months later." McCrane said, speaking for the Build Team with a gesture that only deepened the shock in the room. Deckerd was young even by human standards, yet he was still the oldest one on the team? How young was the newest among them?

"Shadow Maru was next, by about a year, then six months later I joined up!" Drill Boy declared loudly, loving the surprise each answer drew from the crowd. Gunmax, equally a fan of stirring things up, smirked confidently as he leaned back in his chair. 

"I haven't even been kicking around for a year." he declared smugly, adding to the shock of the bots several times over. Sure, Cybertronians were ready to go in mere hours, but no one had been born in so long… to be confronted by a mechanical being so young was nearly unfathomable. Not to mention that the oldest among them was still so inexperienced! A fresh wave of hushed gossip washed over those assembled, only to fade out into silent anticipation as the next opportunity for a question presented itself.

"What kind of criminals are you fighting? Most of the time, anyway." a bot in back asked, making the Brave Police perk up as a group. Like anyone, the opportunity to retell their adventures was hardly one they'd ever pass up, and even the humble Deckerd was a little boastful as he set up their panel to reply.

"Our division is uniquely suited to handle threats too powerful for humans to safely combat. The criminals we face have a multitude of motives, and it is not uncommon for us to face creatures designed to cause maximum destruction. I will allow my team to recount some of these events in greater detail." he said, opening up the discussion with a smile and a nod. There was a shift in the classroom as if every being leaned forward at once in anticipation.

"The underground bug people were my first mission!" Drill Boy announced proudly, unintentionally creating far more questions than he could have ever hoped to answer in a single sentence. Gobsmacked expressions were shared all through the crew, even by Ultra Magnus and Rodimus at the front. While they'd figured their new friends got into some wild adventures, like themselves, there was clearly so much more to the group than they'd let on… 

"There was a giant moth one time." Dumpson recalled thoughtfully, only adding fuel to the fire with his calm expression of thoughtful recollection.

"Don't forget the giant panda." McCrane said helpfully, the tiniest hint of a smile hinting that he was perfectly well aware of the reactions they were getting. Rodimus had to admire the skillful stirring of the pot. Some bots were taking notes now, especially as the list continued to grow and the Brave Police grew no less unpredictable in their retellings. Brief tidbits about mind control, ghosts, aliens and cults were undoubtedly going to spawn some incredible conversations at Swerve's later on.

Drill Boy finished the segment with a beaming smile. "Without the Boss, I don't think we'd have been able to catch that brainwashing nun!"

While every single adventure would have probably called for a panel of questions in its own right, that statement alone made for an excellent segway into something every single Lost Light bot had been curious about, and the moment the next bot was selected they said what everyone was thinking. "Who's this "Boss" we keep hearing about? Are they a bot like you?"

"Our Boss Yuuta Tomonaga is a human boy, and the first being I ever met. He became my first and most trusted companion." Deckerd replied, smiling affectionately at the description. It had been clear from the onset he cared deeply for his mysterious "Boss", yet most had assumed them to be something like an Amica, or perhaps an older mentor bot. To hear they were a human, and one that sounded exceptionally young at that…? Deckerd recognized the confusion, and while obviously a little bashful to be so open, he was more than happy to talk about the achievements of his dearest friend. "I owe him my life, several times over."

"Many of us have gained human friendships." Power Joe said helpfully, taking some of the pressure off their leader and bringing the attention to himself. Not missing the opportunity to brag, he gestured proudly to himself. "I've befriended many of Yuuta's classmates, they see me as a superhero!"

"Yuuta's sisters are compatriots of mine." Shadow Maru said in a polite and subtle one up, setting the stage for the others to continue naming their friends. 

"Hmph, I'm the only one besides Deckerd to have called Yuuta by his first name." Drill Boy bragged.

"Colonel Seia has taught me much through our professional relationship." McCrane said calmly, returning the focus to one of individual bonds over boasting. Unfortunately, Dumpson chuckled and quickly took aim at the comment.

"Are you sure it's entirely professional?"

McCrane froze for a second, optics widening and face flushing, before he calmly folded his hands on the table and replied. "I could say the same of you and Ayako."

"I suppose Shunsuke and I get along okay." Gunmax said somewhat dismissively, cutting off Dumpson before he could stammer out something he'd regret. The fact that every bot seemed to have a complex and long standing relationship with humans was quite the surprise to many crewmembers, especially those who only knew the species from second hand accounts. The Brave Police weren't too different from Cybertronians, so if they could find friends amongst Earth's inhabitants, maybe it was possible for everyone? More than a few of those in the audience were considering visiting to see for themselves when the attention turned to the only member who hadn't given an answer. 

Lowering his helm to hide his optics from view, Duke appeared to be blushing as he spoke into his microphone, his volume barely more than a murmur as he did so.

"My Lady, Regina, is very important to me…"

While the statement undoubtedly had plenty to unpack, Deckerd mercifully chose to move on, selecting the next lucky audience member. Tailgate stood up in a flash, getting up on his chair and raising his arm so everyone could see him. Smiling with excitement, he was nevertheless quite polite in his tone when he asked his question. "You can transform, right? What are your altmodes?"

"I transform into a police cruiser." Deckerd said simply, earning some nods of approval from the audience. That was a fairly solid alternate mode, from their perspective, and fit quite well with his appearance and abilities. As the team each volunteered their own altmode, there was little fanfare.

"I'm a dump truck."

"My alternate mode is called a power shovel."

McCrane was the first to smile, though his good humor was shared when he gave his answer. "A crane, fittingly enough."

"I have two; a drill and a jet!" Drill Boy declared with a puffed out chest, and the mood went from calm to shocked all over again. Though he had no concept of a triple changer, the young bot knew that having a plurality of modes was special, and the audible gasps confirmed his guess. Rodimus cast Drift a look of surprise from the stage, speaking without words as they so often did. Not only did this guy have two altmodes, but a drill and a jet? Could you get any more wild? Drift replied with an equally stunned but good natured shrug.

"Like Deckerd, I transform into a police cruiser." Shadow Maru said simply, giving his younger friend a look that drew out a very unhappy pout. Sitting up with a smile, he continued and made very clear why his companion was so upset, and in doing so only made the room erupt once more. "I can also take the form of a tank, a jet, and a canine."

Gasps filled the classroom, and even Ultra Magnus was too shocked to silence them, his jaw dropping in total disbelief at what he'd just heard. Five modes?! Not only that, he was a beastformer to boot?! The ninjabot smiled somewhat smugly at the reactions, getting a few looks from his friends that ranged from jealous to bemused as whispered conversations rushed through the bots. Most had never even heard of such an ability, and yet here he was, a bot from earth with so much talent! Several made a note to ask him for tips as Duke took advantage of the chaos to get his simple reply out of the way.

"I am an ambulance."

The medics of the ship all shared a look at what only they seemed to hear, wondering if perhaps the shy bot knew a few things about human medicine he might share with them later. In the murmurs that followed, however, there came a considerable silence as everyone realized the most anticipated answer had not yet been given.

Gunmax leaned back further in his seat, making a face few could decipher when all the attention zeroed in on him. Pretending to cough, he spoke just loudly enough for his mic to pick up his answer. "Don't have one." 

Somebot made a comment about "Monoformers'' before Deckerd stepped in, reading the emotions of his friend as well as the room to skillfully redirect them. It saved Rodimus the trouble of jumping in to make an example of the bot who'd made the comment. 

"Gunmax typically has a motorbike, one that he can merge with to form a very powerful weapon." he explained, looking at the visor that allowed the mech in question to hide so many of his emotions. A flash of gratitude behind the veneer of apathy allowed him to continue with a smile. "When I combine with J-Decker, I can utilize that weapon for defeating extremely powerful foes."

"We can also combine!" Drill Boy added enthusiastically, pointing to the Build Team and perking up the entire crowd with references to "combining" of all things. Combiners were a precious rarity amongst their own kind, could the humans have truly mastered such technology in addition to multiforming?

"Yes, Dumpson, Power Joe and myself form the Build Tiger." McCrane replied helpfully, gesturing to the group of them and further compounding the confusion. How could they all transform into a single entity, their colors didn't even match! Not only that, but the name absolutely baffled those who had been to earth and those who hadn't. The crane bot only continued his talk and further confounded his audience. "With Drill Boy, our abilities are increased, and we form the Super Build Tiger."

Deckerd, wanting to discuss other things, was granted mercy when he selected Brainstorm via the system.

"What kind of energy do your weapons fire?" he asked, having observed the holsters and folded rifles some of them carried. Being intensely curious as to whether earth had progressed beyond the initial steps of plasma based projectiles, he waited eagerly for a reply.

"Most are based on shells, similar to what humans utilize but on a larger scale." Deckerd said, helpfully taking out his pistol to show what he meant. Metallic bullets fell from the chamber and into his cupped palm, unintentionally shocking the scientist and the more ballistic trained crewmembers. Primitive lead based projectiles, fired by simple chemical reactions?! How were these bots just as intelligent as themselves but defending their lives with the Cybertronian equivalent of stone age technology?!

"Yes, that's what my shotgun fires." McCrane added, patting the sizable weapon on his back as Brainstorm noted a million potential improvements he might offer before they left. 

Shadow Maru, somewhat for the sake of dry comedic effect, unsheathed a blade from his back and shrugged as he held it up. "Personally, I prefer swords." 

Laughter rippled through the audience, though Rodimus caught the clear sight of Drift looking far more like he wanted to applaud the other bot who seemed to gel so well with him. Unable to keep a grin off his face at the friendship forming before his optics, the captain considered setting up a communication line on earth so they could all stay in touch going forward. 

"Where do you all live?" a shy bot said when selected next, bringing to mind how their home planet didn't seem to be built for beings as large as themselves. 

"I stay with Yuuta each night, in the garage. His family has made it my personal home, and I keep them safe." Deckerd replied, describing the situation quite wistfully despite the uncertain expressions that flashed before him. The idea of staying within a single room, like a machine for storage… even bots who didn't mind resting in their altmode couldn't wrap their heads around the idea.

"The rest of us stay at the base, but we're free to go where we please when not on duty." McCrane added, wanting to dispel any ideas that they were at all confined. His words did indeed provide some reassurance, especially considering that a few had been considering "liberating" their new friends if necessary.

"When we travel for work, we live wherever we can." Dumpson said, recalling the many times they'd each had to go across the planet undercover. That notion was quite relatable to the group of travelers, especially those who had gone long periods of time without any home to speak of. Needing to find somewhere suitable while moving undercover had been their existence for years.

Gunmax perked up a little at the topic sitting forward a bit so he could be heard as he extolled the wonders of driving around on his bike. "The roads go on for miles, and some have pretty nice views."

When the next question was called, the Brave Police as a group found it was their turn to be surprised. 

"Do you like earth?"

In another turn of events that no one could have predicted, it was Duke who spoke up first, saying his piece simply but confidently before returning to his usual silence.

"It is the only planet we've ever known, and I would have it no other way."

"Earth has everything dear to us." Deckerd confirmed, a barely contained gleam of pride shining from his optics, both for their home and his friend. Everything about the planet was dear to him, from the life that flourished there to the people who had made him, and he wasn't at all ashamed to say as much. That was something each and every member of the Brave Police could agree on, and in order, they all expressed the same sentiment. 

"Earth has everything we could ever want." McCrane added plainly, looking like he wanted to say more but was held back by his own reservations. The simple smile on his face spoke volumes for him, thankfully. His past mentions of friendship and more with humans resonated deeply with certain bots in the audience. 

"We fight lots of bad guys, but that's to keep all the good humans safe, and they're more than worth it." Dumpson said, sharing a glance with Power Joe, who immediately agreed. The big bots many small friends made his answer and confirmation quite easy.

"Most of the people that live there like us, and we like them too. They have a lot to teach us." he said, recalling his love for martial arts as well as everything else he'd ever been passionate about. The need for patience, the importance of seeing the bright side of life, mentoring the younger beings around oneself… Speaking of the younger, Drill Boy jumped in to reply with his own experiences.

"They've invented all kinds of cool games and sports for us to play!" he said happily, tapping the soccer ball in his chest to emphasize his point. The sport was a genuine passion for him, and without humans he wouldn't have it to enjoy. Slightly more bittersweet thoughts of the many adventures he'd had, and the beings he'd met and lost, but wouldn't trade for anything made him smile far more softly. Tapping his digits together, he added a soft addendum to make his point. "Plus they make lots of other cool things."

"There's not much better than going for a drive on earth, or watching the sunset." Gunmax said in agreement, nodding and closing his optics as he played the memories in his mind. The crew talked plenty about their home of Cybertron, and while it sounded wonderful, he doubted anything could ever surpass his home. One of his first memories was going for a drive on a beautiful day, and he didn't believe any planet could ever offer anything more. Not that he'd be opposed to visiting somewhere else...

"It's our home, and it always will be." Deckerd concluded, unintentionally making the crowd a little emotional with his dedication. A far quieter whisper of conversations briefly passed through them all, this time centered almost entirely on the planet in question. Sure, these bots hadn't ever known another world, but they made their own sound quite wonderful. The many who'd never had a chance to see earth were suddenly feeling quite a bit of longing and curiosity of their own. When the quiet descended once again and Deckerd selected the next bot, the query was hardly a surprise.

"Can we come visit you all sometime?"

The entire team exchanged a look, and Deckerd glanced at Rodimus with the kind of knowing smiles leaders could share when they knew what was happening. While the logistics of such a thing would be a nightmare, there could be no denying the eager faces all around, and any potential benefits were far too great to ignore. Though it would be an impossible amount of work, they both nodded to one another in agreement.

"We would be honored to have you as guests, just as you have taken us into your home."

[wardensantoineandevka]

Please make the case for the dream spell!! (Also fjord reading something out before caleb can and just yelling over the wizard is a super funny image ty for it)

re: silly suggestions for Fjord’s 14th level, in which I pitched Dream as a joke but mentioned it’s actually a strong choice for his Warlock 11 additional spell that I can make a serious pitch for. See also, my similar post on Gaze of Two Minds.

Nonnie, what if I told you that Fjord could potentially kill Otis over the course of this week without stepping foot back in Eiselcross? Dream can achieve that! Just haunt that bastard’s dreams once a night for six days, and they will DROP DEAD.

More seriously, Dream is a very useful communication spell, and I’ve given it a lot of thought for a long time, but it’s on my mind especially recently because of how much the Nein struggled here in Eiselcross to meaningfully communicate with their distant allies due to the limitations of Sending. (Yes, I understand many of their key allies are elves, who traditionally do not sleep and therefore cannot be targeted by the spell, as pointed out in its text. The thesis of the point remains.) For reference, here is spell description:

This spell shapes a creature's dreams. Choose a creature known to you as the target of this spell. The target must be on the same plane of existence as you. Creatures that don't sleep, such as elves, can't be contacted by this spell. You, or a willing creature you touch, enters a trance state, acting as a messenger. While in the trance, the messenger is aware of his or her surroundings, but can't take actions or move.

If the target is asleep, the messenger appears in the target's dreams and can converse with the target as long as it remains asleep, through the [8 hour] duration of the spell. The messenger can also shape the environment of the dream, creating landscapes, objects, and other images. The messenger can emerge from the trance at any time, ending the effect of the spell early. The target recalls the dream perfectly upon waking. If the target is awake when you cast the spell, the messenger knows it, and can either end the trance (and the spell) or wait for the target to fall asleep, at which point the messenger appears in the target's dreams.

You can make the messenger appear monstrous and terrifying to the target. If you do, the messenger can deliver a message of no more than ten words and then the target must make a Wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, echoes of the phantasmal monstrosity spawn a nightmare that lasts the duration of the target's sleep and prevents the target from gaining any benefit from that rest. In addition, when the target wakes up, it takes 3d6 psychic damage.

This spell offers much more flexibility in long-range communication, and it also grants the messenger the ability to present images, locations, or similar by changing the landscape of the dream. This would offer a lot of utility to the Nein, who rely on information gathering efforts and often struggle to communicate imagery, locations, and lengthy details to allies who are elsewhere. So much of the Nein’s goals and efforts center on sending and receiving information, and they’ve been limited to doing so in 25 word verbal messages. The fact that so many of their allies are elven—do Exandrian elves sleep?—would pose a problem, but there’s way around that with clever thinking.

And I phrased it as a joke, but the offensive capability of the spell is also a lot of fun. Torment your enemies by denying them the benefits of rest and torturing them in their sleep! Preventing the target from gaining any benefit from said long rest means they will fail to regain any spell slots or other relevant abilities, not recover any hit points, and accumulate exhaustion. (Six points of exhaustion causes death!) Waking up 3d6 hit points down is no joke too. It’s a very effective form of psychological warfare and damaging to morale, and this aspect of the spell is not to be overlooked—remember how shaken Fjord would be after his nightmares?

I do find it unlikely to be added to Fjord’s spells list, given the overall direction of Fjord’s build and Travis’ preferred playstyle, but I do still hope to see it because I love Dream so much.

The only question left for me about it is: do certain serpentine demigods sleep?

[evilvarric666-archive]

This is gonna be long, so sorry in advance, but as someone who enjoys long fics here are my two cents:

I get why some ppl may not want 75 tags in fics, but this is gonna hurt long fic writers. On a long fic there are probably gonna be more relationships that are central to the plot that aren't the main ship. And side pairings that may be a squick to some ppl. Not to mention trigger warnings and tone tags.

For example: a long fic with the pairing Y x Z. Z had an abusive relationship, and that's gonna be explored. So the author tags abusive relationship, bc that's a trigger, but an explanation next tag saying "not current ship" or smth.

Then Y has very important friendships with some of the cast. These are central to the plot so they're tagged too.

Turns out, character W is controversial in the fandom, but they're central to the fic too. The author is gonna tag after the character tag W positive/negative; so ppl who don't wanna see positive/negative things about W can skip this.

And guess what? Ship A x B appears in this fic too. Maybe it's not that central, but this ship is also disliked by some people, so the author will tag it, so ppl can filter through.

Another problem is with media that has different mediums, like, the media Y, Z, etc are from has movies, and books, and games and a tv show. All these things actually have different stories, different enough at least that ppl may only want to see fics written for the movies! But the author wants to take plot from the movies and the books. So instead of just tagging the all media tag for that media, they also tag media (movies) and media (books)

These tags end up accumulating. And especially in long fics. The author could make the first chapter a list of tws and stuff that they keep updating, but that destroys the purpose of ao3 tags: you can't filter content like that, you can only filter tags.

I honestly think they should just find a way to delete the fics with the trolling tags, or make a readmore thing so it doesn't hurt the browsing. At the very least make the tag limit longer.

sorry in advance that this is going to be rambly and weird. I have a lot of thoughts.

I get where you're coming from but I also still disagree. Like it's definitely going to change the way longfic writers tag, but I really don't think it's going to hurt them. I think it's going to encourage more effective tagging and that that's going to be better for everybody in the long run. If anything, I think that overtagging is what's hurting longfic writers, it makes their works look unappealing, and actually important information gets buried in a wall of text.

i will admit though that I do understand better now why less room for trigger tagging is going to be an issue. My preferred tagging style is "General/umbrella warnings in the tags, with whatever elaboration/specifics the author deems necessary in an author's note/author's notes at the beginning of each chapter" (example: "animal death" in the tags, so that the filters catch it + people who can't handle the subject At All know to keep scrolling, and then the author's note specifying that its in the context of game hunting & not a pet death, so that people who were uncertain and needed more info could click in and get the specifics.) and I thought that preference was pretty universal? But apparently a lot of people use the tags as an exhaustive list of warnings, which I didn't know because when I see a work with more than, well with more than 75 tags, I just start scrolling until it's gone.

(this is a tangent and I get that my experiences are not universal. but I genuinely dislike full warning lists in the tags because, for me at least, it makes it harder for me to figure out if the story is something I can/want to read. The things I Really Do Not Want To Read about are rare, and rarely tagged the same way twice, so the exclusion filter isn't really helpful for me. I have to actually read the full list of warnings and if the things I'm looking for are sandwiched inbetween a bunch of trope/character tags in a big wall o text I am going to miss it. This has happened to me multiple times.)

I think that that's an ineffective tagging style, basically. Lots of tags is kind of the opposite of useful tags, imo. Short, to the point and consistently worded warnings are better and I think having less space will encourage people to do that. I understand why people do this other style, though, and also why it would frustrate them that they can no longer do that. I think it really sucks that ao3 let everyone wild west their website for so long that it managed to spawn like three distinct groups of people who all use the website in completely incompatible ways, and now it's at the point where any new rule implemented is going to screw a lot of people over no matter what. But I digress.

Anyways, as long as someone isn't putting Revolutionary Girl Utena levels of warnings in their tags (and if your fic needs that much... maybe you should just put yur top 10 biggest warnings on there and slap a Dead Dove Do Not Eat on the end there, yknow?), I think that 75 tags will fully accommodate them. I get that tags start adding up, but also I think a lot of people are underestimating how many tags 75 tags is.

Like to just add up how many tags are used in your example: three / pairing tags, lets go crazy and say three more & pairing tags, tag every character tag in those pairings that's twelve, #abusive relationship + #not main pairing tags, three fandom tags bc multiple source mediums, a #[controversial character] positive tag... that's 24 tags. Like all the necessary character & pairing tags are handled in less than a third of the space given (and personally I consider this slightly over tagged. I think the only character tags you should put on a fic are the very mainest/pov characters, but yknow) and honestly if you can't then figure out a way to communicate the rest of the necessary information about your fic in 51 tags and a 1250 character summary then I really don't know how to help you. I personally would have to really push myself to figure out how to put more than 75 tags on one fic, regardless of the length of the fic. And I can't help but notice that a lot of the fics I could find with over 75 tags while searching last night had a lot of... unnecessary duplicate tags, often for information that could've been easily otherwise intuited (tagging #mandolorian #mandolore #mandolorian character and #mandolorian culture on a Jango Fett pre-series fic, for example)

I do have some criticisms about the current change though. I think it would've been better to have individual tag number limits for each individual field (x number of fandom tags, x number of character tags, etc.) instead of a 75 tags over all limit (or make a "warning tags" field that's separate from "additional tags" but that's a separate essay and would... probably mean overhauling the whole site. so not very practical.) A readmore option would be good too, and I'm not sure why they didn't go for that? I also think that this change will be most effective if done in combination with other changes. Like posting very loosely or not at all enforced official tagging/style guides for the site. I really think that even a tepid attempt at standardization will increase the site's usability like, A Lot.

I'm not sure how cohesive that was. TL;DR I appreciate hearing your thoughts, mine are that I still think this is a step in the right direction. And that cutting back on overtagging will lead to more concise, effective tagging which will make browsing and filtering easier in the long run.

[adraveins]

🔮 🗝 🎤 🏖 for the Pathfinder asks?

I haven’t really talked about my babies here yet, so for context: I finished one playthrough with Tuyen, an angelkin aasimar and possessed shaman + bloodrager on Angel path, and I’m on another playthrough with Auri, a daemon-spawn tiefling and plagued oracle on Azata path.

🔮: OC's opinions on magic and the gods?

I picked atheism for Tuyen, because I think atheist is a very funny thing to be in a world where gods are extremely manifest, and especially funny for an aasimar. But Tuyen has also spent much of her life feeling abandoned by her celestial bloodline, and so she doesn’t have any especially fond feelings towards deities. She is much more positively inclined towards spirits, particularly kami, but she does have a fondness for Qi Zhong. As a healer, shaman, and later bloodrager, Tuyen finds magic to be a very useful tool and source of power, enabling her to level the otherwise unfair playing fields she’s found herself in.

Auri spends much of her life as a worshiper of Zon-Kuthon, whom she eventually interprets as the source of her oracle’s mystery and curse. Her curse results in regular bouts of illness and injury, and so her feelings about her own magic are complicated, to say the least. Her religious beliefs are deeply tied to her attempts to cope with these maladies. As such, she tends to hold unorthodox beliefs about deities in general, attempting to see worth in concepts that others find terrible, or at least view them neutrally, as a part of life -- without necessarily having a taste for spreading it herself. Thus, she also favors deities and beings that represent disease, destruction, and catastrophe, such as Nethys, Urgathoa, Shyka, Apollyon, Rovagug, and Groetus. Over the course of the game, she eventually abandons her loyalty to Zon-Kuthon and becomes a worshiper of Shelyn, when her oracle’s mystery changes and shifts mysteriously as a result of the inscrutable wills of the sibling gods.

🗝: What’s one tip you’d give to a new player?

Use the Toy Box mod, and talk to every NPC frequently because they often have new things to say. Which is two tips, but equally important.

🎤: Voice acting! Do you have a favorite performance in game or a voice claim for your Commander?

Areelu’s voice is simply sublime, and out of the companions, I think Woljif’s and Regill’s are my favorites.

For Commanders... I don’t have a particular voice in mind, but Tuyen is sometimes formal or reserved and occasionally long-winded when she speaks. She often slips into a bedside manner, too, speaking calmly and reassuringly. Otherwise, she can be very dry and witty at times. She is fluent in a few languages from growing up in a major trade hub with parents whose families are from opposite ends of Tian Xia, and she is usually navigating between languages in her head.

Auri, on the other hand, is much coarser and harsher, more likely to swear and talk irreverently. She does, however, have a Business Voice that she uses when doing work for her library, where she’s likely to convincingly claim that she is an especially cursed oracle (as opposed to a tiefling), to put clients at ease. She’s strangely compelling and persuasive despite her odd appearance. (CHA caster privilege.)

🏖: What’s your OC doing post game?

Tuyen gathers the angels she poaches from Iomedae (namely the Hand, Targona, and Lariel) and the companions who want to go adventuring with her (which is many of them!) and returns to Tianjing to help muster the aasimars to defend against the qlippoth rift at the country's heart. She establishes a hospital there that is dedicated to rescuing and sheltering refugees from other parts of Tian Xia, and eventually sets up a counterpart to it in Avistan. She and her friends are something like Golarion's equivalent of superheroes, and a spawn of Rovagug numbers among their many foes over the years.

For Auri, the only thing I'm starting to feel sure about is taking the option for her to stay and rule Drezen. Beyond that, we'll have to see!

[ecto-american]

I was doing some research for a fanfiction, and remembered this line from Reality Trip, which got my criminal justice self all excited because of the implications. So have some analysis from a rambling autistic with a criminal justice degree.

“Daniel Fenton, in accordance with the Federal Anti-Ecto Control Act, Article 1, Section 1, Sub-section A, you're under arrest.”

Y'all, this is kinda wack? It means, on some level, there has been a federal judgment within the world of Danny Phantom that not only acknowledges that ghosts exist, but has an entire fucking act describing specifically the course of action in a sense. Lots of acts will kind of be this vague overarching thing with various random acts thrown into it, but the name along with the article one, section one subsection a dealio implies that this entire act focuses on ghosts. I say act and not law btw, because those terms are not necessarily synonyms.

Not only does this confirm that there are acts (at least one anyway) in Danny Phantom that specifically talk about ghosts, but kind of really and truly cements that the Guys in White are actually a federal government agency, rather than them simply acting as one but really being a private company of sorts or being some local state government program.

And with laws about ghosts, it means that legally, the government had to define what exactly a ghost is as well as their rights and lack of rights, and that they legally acknowledge, as a nation, that ghosts exists. While, of course, we don’t really ever get to see this act, and as far as I know, it’s literally Never talked about again, this scene means that this act applies to Danny. For a quick refresher, this happens after Danny is exposed, and so this act still applies to Danny despite him being outted as a half ghost. A scary sidenote is before this scene and line of dialogue, the agents told Danny that he was coming in for questioning and experiments.

So what might it possibly say? If there are any acts that we can potentially base what this act possibly would say, I would probably guess it’d be similar to the acts used for minorities within the United States. And I say these kinds of acts because they’re specifically acts that discriminate towards a group, and that have used various reasons to justify how they are not human, citizens or have any legal rights. If the agents’ lines were correct, these acts probably gave them justification for doing inhumanly cruel things to Danny.

Of course, Danny could be arrest for something totally different and not for some anti-ghost reasons. At this point in time, he’s still kind of half-loved, half-hated publicly as people are shown to still believe that he stole during the events of Control Freaks and the mayor incident of Public Enemies, but if he was under arrest for any of those crimes, the agents would have said that. And I refuse to believe this is an oversight of the writers, because they would have found any nitpicky thing and made it a funny situation where the agents went on and on and on about this endless list of crimes that the ghost boy has committed until Danny roundhouse kicked somebody. And no, it’s likely not because the Guys in White are only interested in Ghost Crimes. As federal officials, which they are confirmed to be, they would have arrested him for everything and have to basically fistfight the other government agencies investigating his Non Ghost Crimes.

So what exactly is he under arrest for? No clue obviously, and it’s hard to really even guess. Article 1, Section 1, Sub-section A for most acts are basically describing what the act’s going to be before it moves on to detail that. I think this is an oversight of the DP writers, lord knows we get enough of them, but it could also potentially highlight the Dumb factor of the Guys in White that we would see them sometimes exhibit, where instead of properly referencing the piece of legislation he’s under arrest for, they just blurt out the first section of that law.

And who wrote this act? It could be anybody, of course. Anybody within politics. It also begs the question as to exactly when this act was written and when it was put into effect. I’d wager it heavily depends on when the Guys in White came into effect, as they are clearly acting under these laws. Which begs the question: how many pieces of anti-ghost legislation are there? Who’s writing them? There’s potential that there are literally lawyers who are literally experts in ghost law. Keep in mind that in the beginning of the series, there was a lot of skepticism that ghosts even exist.

This honestly leads me to propose a new headcanon: The Guys in White are a very new government organization that spawned after the events of Public Enemies. To preface this and clarify, in order, the Guys in White appear in only five episodes: Million Dollar Ghost, Double Cross My Heart, Reality Trip, Eye for an Eye, and Livin’ Large.

Evidence to support this theory:

They only show up four episodes later in their first appearance in Million Dollar Ghost. Public Enemies seems to also be the first episode in the series that shows a massive onslaught of ghost attacks. I would guess that this is the ghostly event that probably spawned the act in question, which may have called for the organization of the Guys in White. Prior to this, ghosts were basically shown that they’re unconfirmed to exist on a public level. Even Jack, our lovable and excitable ghost hunter who’s been doing this since his college years admits in Mystery Meat that he’s never seen a ghost until that point. Jazz mentions that Harriet Chin in Bitter Reunions lost her job for writing an article about ghosts because she was laughed for writing about something that was more for “the national enquirer”, a conspiracy theory newspaper that nobody really takes seriously.

Why are they there during the events of Million Dollar Ghost anyway? If they’re a new organization, they may need that money or are cashing in on the publicity of the event to spread their name, or they’re just starting out and have no real clue where else to go. Only two of them even showed up anyway. The only other groups there are very small ghost hunting groups: literally two young adults on scooters, another set of young adults with a tiger fueled by anxiety and a van, and FentonWorks. And while they, out of all of them, clearly have the most advanced technology, they’re about on the same skill level as the other ghost hunters (getting captured and tricked and such just as easily). Danny even was just as “haha” about them as he was the other hunters who had showed up.

Their technology in Million Dollar ghost is nothing in comparison to the literal jetpacks and planes and four wheelers and armor they get several episodes later. Their funding increased when they proved ghosts exist and more ghostly events happened, and they likely proved their competence in some way. Especially when we see that they have been catching other ghosts (like Skulker in Double Cross My Heart and Lydia in Reality Trip) and gathering important information on ghostly artifacts (Reality Trip).

It would explain why they don’t really show up that often in the series, especially during major ghost events where they really should be there, such as the ghost king invasion of Reign Storm. They may have not secured the funding or manpower to really do anything just yet. Note that Reign Storm happened in between Million Dollar Ghost and Double Cross My Heart, which is almost a 20 episode gap. Their skills, knowledge, ability, technology and apparent funding jumped massively between these episodes, and it kind of stays about the same consistency for the rest of the show.

They really only seem to have one department, and they have really low employee numbers for a government agency. There’s no talk or implications or having multiple departments or anything, such as research or technology. Even during the SWAT invasion during Reality Trip, there’s only like twenty or so agents there. In Livin’ Large, there’s only about seven there, and two are the Agent K and O that we know. They play a lot of roles, from researching, questioning, gathering information, tracking down criminals, getting information from the Fenton’s lab, technology things in FentonWorks, etc. Of course, this is a staple for many law enforcement jobs where you have many tasks, but they seem to be playing the role of detective, computer analysis, and police officer at minimum given the wide variety of things we see them do. As somebody who’s worked in three situations where the company/program was very new, it’s incredibly common for a new company that’s still finding it’s groundings to have a very blurred job line. Or they’re heavily underfunded, but look at the goddamn jetpacks they get, look me in the eye and tell me they’re underfunded.

The lack of basic ghost information. In Livin’ Large, they want to destroy the Ghost Zone. It’s apparently very obvious that you Can’t Do That, but the Guys in White seem oblivious. While you can argue that they’re just fucking dumb, it may be more reasonable to assume that they simply just don’t know.

There’s no dialogue (that I can find) prior to Million Dollar Ghost to suggest they exist. There’s also no dialogue from Vlad, who would have known and been wary of such an organization had it been around for years, to suggest that they’ve been around a while. Jack, who also is open about how much he admires them, would have likely said something to. But I am willing to chalk this entire part up to simply poor writing.

“But Danny knew who the Guys in White were when they showed up in Million Dollar Ghost!” Yeah. He also knew who the other people were, and I heavily doubt that they’d be as big of a deal or name as the Official government branch. It’s very likely that they all introduced themselves when they showed up.

[adenei]

Auror 99 - Ch. 7

Chapter 7: Changing Headquarters

When Harry arrived back up on the elevator, he and Ron walked over to Captain Holt’s office. “Come in,” they heard him say, “And shut the door.” The blinds were already drawn so that no one could see in for their particular meeting. “How was the interrogation?” Holt asked.

“Well we’ve received more information, which is promising,” Harry said. “Is there a possibility that King can be a part of this debriefing, too?”

“Ah, forgive me. I almost forgot.” Holt walked over to the portrait and said, “We are ready for Minister Shacklebolt now.” The figure in the portrait nodded and disappeared off the side of the frame. No sooner had the figure disappeared than Kinglsey appeared in their place. 

Harry and Ron both looked surprised. Kingsley registered their shock and explained. “The Ministry has been working hard to develop portraits where the owner can ‘step into the frame’ if you will, to have a conversation. It’s a bit like using the floo, but works in long distance cases. It’s good to see you both! Now where do we stand? What have I missed?”

Ron spoke up. “Well, we had a lead on Gerteso yesterday. We tailed him and witnessed an exchange in Manhattan outside of McLeod’s. When the second person, who we were able to identify as Artie Rettinburg, disapparated, it spooked Jake and he broke our cover to try and arrest Gerteso. I dueled him, but it was unlike anything I’ve been in combat with before. He didn’t use a single defensive spell, and got away when he injured Jake.”

Kingsley nodded, so Ron continued. “Jake is fine, it was a low level fire curse, but I had to obliviate him and make up a muggle story for his injury with the rest of the team, which seems to be holding. We were able to bring Rettinburg in for questioning today, and he seemed to solidify some of our hunches.”

“Which are?” Kingsley asked interestedly.

“Ron believes Gerteso is a vampire, and is after someone or something with the Vampire Mob,” Harry said.

“Sanguinity?” Kingsley asked concerningly. “But Voldemort extinguished the entire population of vampires in Britain. There’s a very slim chance that Gerteso is actually a vampire, as he is British.”

“Not unless Gerteso wasn’t on any Ministry record, which we’ve found surprisingly little on him anywhere. The only way we were able to obtain his actual name was through the spells he cast while at Gringotts, and the fact that Ollivander kept meticulous records and hid them well away so Voldemort couldn’t obtain them before he was captured,” Ron countered. “Minister, er, Kingsley, he’s got the speed and agility that’s often associated with them, and the physical description matches, too. Plus, Rettinburg all but suggested he’s a vampire. He said Gerteso mentioned claiming what was rightfully his.”

“Which is? Kingsley and Holt both said at the same time.

“Something from The Cryptic. It sounds like Gerteso wants to kill him off and take his place,” Harry said. 

“It all fits, even down to the muggle identity thefts. He was biding his time practicing there until he could get his hands on the wand records so he could trace and locate The Cryptic.”

“But how does the laundering fit into that?” Kingsley pressed.

“We haven’t discussed it,” Harry spoke, “but my theory is that he needs it to pay his way into the inner circles.”

Ron nodded. “That would make sense. Lackeys like Rettinburg never get close to The Cryptic. Gerteso would need gold to buy his way in, especially if his vampire status isn’t well known.” 

“Forgive me for interrupting, but what I don’t understand is what revenge Gerteso is actually after. What is, as he believes, rightfully his?” Holt asked.

Kingsley looked at the three pensively. “I have a contact in Italy that may be able to clarify things for us. I should be back soon,” Kingsley walked off out the side of the portrait.

No sooner had Kingsley left, there was a knock on the door before it burst open. A short, bony blonde woman walked in with a look that crossed between equally furious and amused. “Raymond, Raymond, Raymond, did you really think you could conduct an investigation on my turf?” the woman seethed.

“I’m sorry Captain Holt, I tried to stop her,” they could hear Gina say from outside the office.

Holt ignored Gina as he said, “Wuntch. Who let you out of your cage in Satan’s hell hole?” Ron and Harry were rather taken aback at the Captain’s changed demeanor. 

“You did when you decided to prance into Manhattan and arrest a man in my area! Have you lost all common courtesy to call and ask permission before waltzing in and picking up an innocent Manhattanite?”

“He wasn’t innoc-” Harry said angrily, but Captain Holt held up a hand to stop him.

“He most certainly wasn’t innocent, Madeline, but we didn’t bring him in for his crimes. We brought him in for questioning and then let him go, if you must know,” Holt said those last four words in a manner which reminded both Harry and Ron of Snape. Each word was drawn out and dripped with conviction.

“I don’t believe you,” Wuntch said, getting a little too close into Captain Holt’s face. 

“You don’t have to,” Holt said without backing down. 

Kingsley broke the silent stare down when he reappeared in the portrait. He quickly realized there was another person in the office and froze, but it was too late. Madeline had seen him. “Wh-what was that?” she asked. Her stone cold demeanor breaking.

“Nothing, Wuntch, Satan’s probably playing tricks on your eyes,” Holt said.

“No, Raymond, that portrait was empty a second ago and now there’s a man in there,” Wuntch insisted.

Harry grabbed hold of his wand, and, blocked partially by Ron so Wuntch couldn’t see, held it up and cast obliviate. Instantly, Wuntch was none the wiser of what just happened. Once the haze had lifted, she shot Holt another look. “I’ll be watching you closely, Raymond.” With that, Madeline Wuntch turned swiftly on the spot and marched out of the room. 

Holt walked over and shut the door after she’d left and looked back to Ron, Harry and Kingsley. “I’m sorry about that rude interruption,” he said.

“Who was that?” asked Harry.

“My arch-nemesis on the force. Satan’s spawn. Thank you for your help in, wiping her memory, is it?”

Harry nodded as Ron looked at Kingsley’s portrait. “Any news?”

“Yes, actually. I think we’ve found a motive on why Gerteso is after The Cryptic. My contact tells me that The Cryptic is the head of the Sanguinity’s New York division. Apparently, Gerteso attempted to appeal to Sanguinity leaders in Italy, claiming he was a vampire, but had no records to back it up. They dismissed him and his request to start the London division anew following the second wizarding war.”

“So he’s out to claim a division of his own...what’s ‘rightfully’ his,” Harry said.

“Exactly.”

“But why would he choose New York? Why not choose a smaller, less prevalent city? Say, Boston or San Francisco?” Holt pondered.

“Probably to flex. Prove he can take down one of the most powerful leaders within the Sanguinity,” Ron offered his suspicions. “But here’s the real question. Do we stop by just catching Gerteso? Or do we let him lead us to the Cryptic and try and break the New York division as well.”

“Our jurisdiction strictly lies in the capture of Gerteso,” Kingsley said firmly. “Though I do not think that the American Aurors would disregard any leads you may have for them in relation to The Cryptic.”

Harry and Ron nodded while Kingsley continued. “Now that we know roughly what Gerteso is after, it would be wise to station you closer to Gerteso’s targeted location. MACUSA has offered their penthouse suite as a new headquarters for your team. They are currently outfitting it with all of the necessary items you’ll need for surveillance and research, including history books on the mob and history of vampires for Charlotte. I suggest you go back to your current flat and pack up your things. You’ll be able to move locations in a couple hours. You’ll use the code 2598 to gain access into the building and the bellhop will check your identity before passing on your keys. If you need me, call Holt for correspondence.” Harry and Ron nodded, as Kinglsey left the frame. 

***********************

The penthouse suite was surreal. Of course, it was magical in nature, so they were sure that it had been manipulated to fit their needs. They walked into a spacious living room and kitchen/dining area. The living space had plenty of seating and there were several computers set up around the edge of the room for research purposes, as well as a large bookshelf, filled with whatever they might need. There were two wings with bedrooms and bathrooms. Two bedrooms on either side, making four in total. Each room had two full beds with an adjoining bathroom in the middle to share. Charles was insistent that the girls take one side, and the boys take the other, probably to prevent Nolan and Charlotte’s ‘affair’ from continuing. 

It was late evening and the seven members of the team had settled into their new headquarters. Everyone had decided to disperse for bed, in order to get a good night’s sleep before tackling all of the research. When the coast was clear, Hermione had snuck over to the boy’s room and cast muffliato on the door so no one could hear their conversation. They were discussing the potential plan of setting up a watch within the wand records office in MACUSA. Ron and Harry were in agreement that they should go into MACUSA to keep an eye on things.

“...But do you really trust that the 99 is going to let you and Harry team up on this?” Hermione asked Ron. “Maybe we need to tell them. We can’t have anything mess this up! He could make his move tomorrow for all we know.”

“You heard Kingsley, we can’t Hermione! Man, I love you, but it’s a good thing you didn’t become an Auror,” Ron said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hermione gave him a look.

“Just that you’re not thinking the right way about this mission. We’ll figure it out tomorrow when we suggest the assignments. They haven’t gone against our ideas yet, so I’m sure it’ll be fine,”  Ron tried to explain.

Hermione rolled her eyes. “Well, hopefully you do team up with Harry because you’re starting to adopt some of Jake’s mannerisms. When have you ever said, ‘man?’”

“Like you haven’t taken up some of Amy’s hobbies?” Ron tilted his head towards the binders in the corner of the room.

“Yeah, okay, on that note, I’m going to bed,” Harry said. “You two can share this room.”

Harry got up and headed for the door. None of them had realized that they’d relaxed their glamour charms. It was a nightly routine they’d gotten into the habit of. What was worse, was that their scars were becoming visible again, and it had all gone unnoticed thus far. Harry opened the door and stepped out, only to stop dead in his tracks. Jake and Amy were on the couch, heads close together in what looked like it could have been a snog.

[ronnytherandom]

Only A Few Things But A Lot To Say On Some

1/2/2021: Ponyo

Beautiful. Holy shit. The best stuff. Everything in this is so lovely, it brought me to tears. I can barely put into words just how much I enjoyed this film. Aside from the Standard Ghibli Rules, it has moments of exceptional humanity which really push this film to its own level; everyone’s just so nice to each other. This might be my favourite Ghibli film.

2/2/2021: The Prince of Egypt

Really very good. Technically impressive all around. The art is beautiful, the VA is impressive and the music is powerful. Its even powerfully emotional at moments, especially just after they cross the Red Sea. I think notably here the integration of CG effects with the animation has aged quite well which helps moments such as the Red Sea climax remain especially impactful, I especially enjoyed Moses’ revelation scene where the animation is in the style of New Kingdom Egypt inscriptions, I felt that was an interesting style to animate and it reminded me of the classical Greek vase style of animation employed in Apotheon, a game I adore. The music is a key aspect and I think there are a couple of issues but I have mainly praise. Some of the numbers are not so memorable but at least they’re not actively bad; I feel Deliver Us does a fantastic job of carrying the rest of the film. Similarly it exemplifies the excellent Hebrew singing which I absolutely love the presence of, to a degree where I wish there had been more. Obviously this is lacking purely because it’s a film designed for western English audiences but I feel like the music could have been even better with a wider adoption of Hebrew vocals. There are also the excellent bridges in a couple of pieces which really feel like regional music and help root the film in its north African setting. I do feel however that the film suffers for appearing in the era where animated musicals were changing the format a little and I think the songs could do to be sung “physically” in the film with more consistency. Imagine how much more powerful the final scenes would be if you could see the Hebrews singing rather than simply waving random instruments around. I think this film also does an excellent job in not whitewashing a Jewish story as much as is typically found in western Christianity. I can’t speak to the hiring of white actors for Jewish and Egyptians roles as I do not know the casts nationality but I think that a western production portraying a non-white Moses would be notable in Christian media even by present standards.

4/2/2021: Corpse Bride

Wonderful, short and sweet and masterfully done. Id argue that every aspect of this film demonstrates excellence, VA through animation through directing through soundtrack. Especially the soundtrack, Mr Elfman is the MVP as per usual; I’m going to have this theme stuck in my head for hours. This is in no small part due to the sheer star power of the production, so many big names, though above all others it is a joy to hear Christopher Lees voice. The plot doesn’t bore as it is always moving; to be expected given the short run time but it isn’t so fast paced as to be overbearing. I feel the musical moments aid in that regard by effectively extending moments of exposition over longer periods than would be achieved merely through dialogue while adding a lot of fun. I think its evident that a lot of fun was also had in designing the characters and using undead qualities to create fun gimmicks though I wonder where on earth all the women’s organs are supposed to be? The humour is very good, very dry, but I like that. I don’t think anything falls flat. And I really appreciate the message about not always sticking to the plan and about finding your own way in a world that strives to constrain you, rolling with the punches and not letting misfortune and mistakes keep you down.

7/2/2021: Star Wars Battlefront 2 (2017, 14 hours inc. Resurrection DLC)

This is a good game with some problems, mostly minor though. Thankfully I didn’t play it while it was a hellhole of microtransactions but the legacy of that policy can still be felt. While it is good that all abilities and cosmetics are unlocked pretty much from the get go or after a couple hours of gameplay the “live service and microtransactions” design philosophy often creates an inefficient UI which manifests as all the character menus being a bit of a chore to work through especially when unlocking new abilities. The animations are nice but get old very quickly and id rather just have the damn thing. There is also that the story is pretty weak in both the main game and the dlc. Missions don’t feel like they play into a wider arc. There was certainly the potential to have a thoughtful examination of Iden Versio’s deradicalisation but it isn’t built as a slow process and doesn’t create any drama, she simply flips to the Good Guys pretty much immediately and I think that’s a shame as the story they’ve actually decided to tell is very weak given that it occurs almost entirely in 2 cutscenes and the rest of everything is just plot and events with no real purpose except to facilitate gameplay. There is also the issue of nostalgia where every other level of the story is a “remember this?” moment which serve simply as set pieces and a facsimile of what once was with Supermarket Own Brand versions of the OG characters. Resurrection is not much better but it is better, and I think its testament to the fact that the inferno squad actors were genuinely trying as it’s the only point of the story where I felt even a tinge of emotional rapport. There are some minor gameplay gripes, like why on earth does the game keep changing my loadout between levels and then provide a chest to alter then when it could in fact just use a preparation menu before the mission starts. Maybe also something should be done about enemies spawning in sight or even immediately behind you? Minor gripes aside the gameplay is solid and satisfying. Characters feel good to move with, guns are fun to shoot (though they don’t really differ too much in identity) and abilities feel impactful. I adore the idea behind the little reloading minigame, I think that is superb, as well as other additions to the battlefront format such as the expansion of class roles and abilities. Most of the heroes are very fun to play as, especially anyone with a jetpack, but I protest at the consistent failure to bring jedi into videogames. You just need to refer to the Jedi Knight games; it hasn’t been done better since. As is its fine but underwhelming. I think from a gameplay standpoint everything comes together as beautifully as the visuals but everything around it needs a little bit more attention.

[project-ohagi]

Shouto Todoroki x Reader {Vampire AU}

Buy me a coffee!! <3

The buzz of cicadas died around him. His boots crushed the undergrowth, moulding it into the earth. Nearby, in the shade of a few forbidding trees (dangerous things, which would easily conceal vampires or other such creatures), there was a circle of mushrooms, inside which sat a young woman. The expression she adorned was one of absolute peace. He startled, reaching for the glinting dagger hidden within his robes. He knew full well that looks could be deceiving. The female made no indication of life - there were no breaths, not even the subtlest, and her eyes were almost zipped shut. She perched on the borders of life and death, legs crossed in deep meditation.

Hunting was often a tedious and tiresome job, yet witnessing something so sublime, so beautiful, was definitely a first. She was obviously a vampire. No mere human could even hope to reach her level of perfection. Her plump lips exploded with colour; they were blood-red, despite the overall paleness of her features. (H/c) hair flowed from her head, ghosting her shoulders and delicately shaping her face.

Sensing an unfamiliar presence, you motioned to the circle.

"It's reserved."

He sighed, thankful for the icebreaker. For a few moments, he said nothing. He only stared. You cracked open a single eye, relishing in the beauty of the hunter before you. Instantly, he became captivated - ensnared in your gaze. His hand ripped away from the dagger. He couldn't kill such a beautiful creature. He refused to. His family could stuff their ridiculous traditions.

"Why are you here? Why haven't you run? You know what I am, don't you?" He questioned, watching carefully for any hint of danger.

A strange sound, sort of like laughter, passed your lips. "How should I begin, hunter?"

After realising that you weren't in the least bit concerned about being around one of his kind, he relinquished, shuffling slightly, but eventually settling down in front of you, just outside the circle. It was amusing - fairy circles were supposed to retain goodness and block out evil. Perhaps you were different to all the other vampires, the typical, blood-sucking, rabid, feral animals that prowled at night, drawing protection from the moon. In his short, sixteen years of life, the young hunter had sought to kill as many of those beasts as humanly possible. He was conditioned into believing that they drove his mother insane, and turned his older brother into a vampire. The image painted on the stained-glass window of his mind was one of utter carnage - dismembered bodies lying in the blood-soaked grass, heads tumbling down hills, or sitting uncomfortably on spikes on the outskirts of twisting towers. They were fashioned to be cannibals. God had not envisioned them at creation. They were the work of the Devil and his henchmen. Yet, this woman didn't display any of the conventional characteristics. Not as far as he could tell, anyway.

Instead of glowing crimson eyes, with a hungry, predatory look, you possessed simple yet wonderful (e/c) orbs. Rather than being ferocious and lashing out upon discovery, you remained calm, even as he observed you more closely. There didn't appear to be evident surprise, worry or fear. You hadn't yet attempted to flee, nor had you endeavoured to maim and devour him. Although you looked quite dead, you sounded very alive. He wondered if you had been mortal once, or spawned into an unfortunate line.

"Tell me why the fairy circle. Aren't they supposed to represent good? Virtues?" He asked, in an almost wistful tone, which quite alarmed him.

If you noticed, you failed to mention it. "They are called 'Ronds de Sorcières' in French, or 'Hexenringe' in German. Do you know why?"

Shaking his head, he responded, "I only know Japanese."

A smile carved your lips. "They are associated with witches, fairies or elves dancing. Folks of old often warned against treading into one. You could be cursed or killed. It was said that, if you entered one, you might become aware of the elves; it could put you in thrall to their illusions."

"Have you ever seen one?" He enquired, leaning forwards slightly.

"I'd like to. I was rather hoping to dance with them." You commented.

Todoroki frowned. "Isn't that dangerous?"

You opened your eyes. "I can deal with a few malevolent spirits."

Placing your hands together, you glanced at the surrounding woodland, half-expecting something to pop out of the darkness. Possibly an elf, or a fairy, confused and angered to find a young woman in their ring - their private space. Perhaps a dragon might fly above you, maybe you would be slain. You had always been a curious, adventurous soul, so risking a second death was nothing extraordinary. You had no parents to speak of, and therefore nobody to advise you against such scandalous activities. You hunted when hungry, slept when tired, played when bored. Your appearance and lack of pulse were all the indication than you were brilliantly different. You knew this boy's intention, but his resolve had already burned out.

"Would you care to hear a rhyme?" You asked, standing with the grace and elegance of a snow-white swan.

He nodded in confirmation.

"He wha tills the fairies' green

Nae luck again shall hae :

And he wha spills the fairies' ring

Betide him want and wae.

For weirdless days and weary nights

Are his till his deein' day.

But he wha gaes by the fairy ring,

Nae dule nor pine shall see,

And he wha cleans the fairy ring

An easy death shall dee"

Todoroki thought that was a little strange, but decided not to question it. Instead, he allowed your commentary to flood his ears. He realised far too suddenly that he enjoyed listening to the sound of your voice; it was clear and certain, calm and collected, girlish but not squeaky. He felt comfortable enough in your presence to flutter his eyelids shut.

You stated, "A traditional Scottish rhyme, which summarises the danger of fairy rings."

He hummed, but didn't bother to form any coherent words. Thinking back to that day, he remembered everything in vivid detail, especially the parts that concerned you. During the subsequent days, he approached the same clearing, trying to find a sign of you. He wanted to see you. Desperately, and he wasn't too sure why. Obviously, his family knew nothing of his exploits. When about two weeks had passed, Todoroki hauled himself up to the fairy ring, sitting beside it. His mind wandered. He pondered over your enhanced abilities - would you be able to hear him? Did you possess immortality? Could you shape-shift? Were you a telepath? Could you control nocturnal animals or spread plague? Would you kill him if ever he caught you again?

While he was having an existential crisis, you watched from within the shadows of the trees. Their branches curled around your body, twisting so as to grant you sanctuary. You briefly wondered if he might crawl into the fairy circle, in an effort to draw you out.

He didn't, and for some reason, you felt very grateful.

[Word Count: 1184]

[notaburgler]

Morning meetings are such a drag... Endeavor x assistant Fem!reader SFW

His shadow passed your desk, each thump of his massive boots echoing along the hardwood floor, “Good morning, Satan,” he grumbled. Oh that cute little nickname he had for you… Such a sweet boss.

“Good morning Mr. Endeavor,” you greeted him with a smile and a small wave for the three interns trailing behind him like ducklings. “I’ll be in your office shortly to go over your schedule for the week.” You were sure your chipper tone was almost as annoying to him as you were, both facts he made obvious by immediately storming away. 

It wasn’t that your boss hated you. On the contrary, he absolutely needed you — and he hated it. He’d forget his head at home if it wasn’t attached to his neck, and he despised knowing that someone as tiny and weak as yourself would always remember it. You didn’t even have a useful quirk. You were just some college graduate who managed to snake their way into a job as a receptionist at his front desk. He clearly didn’t think you would stick around as long as you had, especially with how difficult he was to deal with at times. But five years later, you had unintentionally taken control of his entire schedule.

You grabbed a green smoothie and pulled out his schedule book for the day. Picking up your tablet, you made your way to his office, ready to fight. You originally had his schedule downloaded to his phone, but the man is so technologically inept that he had no idea what was going on when he looked at it in the morning. Paper copies only for the top hero Endeavor. 

You wrinkled your nose as you passed the thermostat, giving it a menacing glare. No matter. A quick adjustment and you were off to ‘ruin his day.’

“Damn it,” he growled. You could only guess that he had hoped you wouldn’t make good on your threat.

You held out his schedule book, already open to the proper page, knowing that otherwise he wouldn’t even glance at it. “We will start the morning with a staffing meeting, and you need to stop touching the thermostat.” 

“I get too hot!” he snarled, slamming his hand to the desk.

You gave him a beatific smile, as if you hadn’t had this conversation before. “Turn off your flames when you’re in the office.” 

He huffed in response. You went on. As you glossed over his day, you reached for the can of Red Bull on his desk. Lifting it by the rim with a smile and direct eye contact, you dropped it in the garbage. “You know these give you kidney stones.”

He snarled as you replaced the energy drink with the green smoothie. “This is much better. And it prevents this from happening again.” You held up your phone, showing an image of Endeavor curled up on the floor in the fetal position. 

You didn't bother playing the video, he knew what it was and the last thing he would want was his young interns to hear him crying in pain. It would be thoroughly humiliating. And you, some demon woman spawned from the depths of hell, had a video of just that to use as blackmail. 

“Who is that? And why did Endeavor call her Satan when we showed up?” The green-haired intern called Midoriya asked quietly.

Endeavor’s intern and son Shoto sighed, shaking his head before dropping it into his hands, “Endeavor is stubborn, and his assistant, Miss (Y/N), makes sure he follows his schedule.” 

You kept going about his day. “You have a meeting with other heroes, a lunch meeting with a tabloid paper to get them off your back, more meetings, and finally patrol. He sunk lower into his seat with each meeting you mentioned. God did he hate meetings. Even worse, meetings with the media.

“I don't like talking to the tabloids — cancel it.”

“No.”

“Just who is the boss around here?” 

You stopped reading and glanced up. He hated that look. You were so calm and so sweet on the outside. It actually played to his advantage. Most of the time you were at his hip with his schedule book, coordinating his day and making sure that he wasn't going too far off schedule. Not many knew how much control you had, and if they did, he would be in for quite a headline in the news the next day.

Side by side, you stood at about his lower chest. He’d smirk with crossed arms when you'd try to get sassy.  He even bought you a step stool to keep in his office as a joke. When you got mad and wanted to glare him down, you could stand on it and nearly be at his eye level. He still eclipsed you, even on the stool, but it made him chuckle and reminded him that he could crush you at any second if he so desired.

You let your glare fall and went back to your list of things he needed to do that day.

“Endeavor is afraid of some twerp like her?” The third intern, Bakugou, clearly thought Endeavor should be ashamed. But, there was a calmness about the pro hero. Like he had dealt with her for so long, he didn't even get upset. He just pretended to listen then did as he pleased.

With a sharp tap of your nails on his desk, you caught Endeavor’s attention once more. “Did you hear that last part?” you inquired sweetly.

He tilted his head and rolled his eyes in response. You knew he hated how you had taken over. All he wanted was to go fight crime and leave the boring shit to the staff he hired. He often grumbled to the effect of “why do I have staff if no one is doing all of this shit?” 

“You have patrol from one to three. I need you back by four for an interview— and you will be there.” As his flames sparked and burned higher, you pulled your face into a stern grimace. “Don't you flash your flames at me!”

He rolled his eyes again. You relaxed your face at that, knowing he was internally cursing your very existence. 

“Miss (Y/N) plans and executes Endeavor’s entire day and week to the second. If it wasn't for her, he'd probably starve.” Shoto mentioned under his breath, earning himself a glare from his father and a tiny flicker of flames.

You smiled, catching Endeavor’s attention again. “I've preordered your meal for lunch today and no, you won't be able to bribe the staff into getting you a big steak. You promised you would watch your red meat intake after your doctor's appointment, so I got you that chicken dish you like.” He grunted, seemingly mollified you got him some form of meat and not the dreaded salad. 

“Oh, and don't bother looking for the candy stash in your top left drawer. I already confiscated it and won't be giving it back until you get down to your normal weight and BMI.” 

Shoto let out a small chuckle at his father’s thunderous expression. 

“This girl is scary.” Midoriya noted, taking out a notebook to scribble down all the information he could on Endeavor.

“I'm also not taking the lock off the training facility until you can prove to me that you are getting a good night's sleep and eating well. You overwork yourself and end up dehydrated and malnourished. People depend on you to be in top shape and we can't have you passing out, again, because you haven't eaten all day.   Eat a protein bar, drink a bottle of water, sleep for eight hours, and I'll unlock it for you.”

Shoto’s eyes glinted. You guessed he was enjoying this more than his friends knew. If only you’d been around when he was growing up, he might not have quite the daddy issues he does. You keep his father grounded and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, practically forcing him to take care of himself. You could only hope your interference would help Shoto realize he wasn't the only one Endeavor was hard on. He was just as strict with himself as he was his son. If only the boy’s mother had shown the same ability to keep Endeavor in line, his childhood might have been vastly different.

With a pointed sip of his green smoothie, Endeavor tapped the touchpad on his laptop a little harder than necessary. He frowned, clicking faster. Just as you were about to call him on his electronics abuse, he gritted his teeth and puffed out his chest. “Unlock the Wifi.” 

You turned away, ignoring his request in favor of double checking his schedule for the day. It was going to be long and those kids would be trailing him. “I'm not invoicing the city for this morning’s villain attack and subsequent defeat. You are behind on your pro bono hours and now that you are the number one hero, you have more to do than normal.” You glanced back and flipped through a few pages in his schedule, “I have added more times where I expect you to do pro bono work to keep up appearances.”

The three students exchanged glances. You imagined they hadn’t realized how busy a real top hero was. Meetings and events to promote. A personal assistant to keep them on track. Countless sidekicks to take on the little work that the hero was above doing or couldn't get to. It was all amazing. A hero’s day wasn’t just comprised of fighting villains and catching the bad guys. It was bound to be a rude awakening to the real world that they hadn’t seen the last time they were out with heroes.

As Mr. Aizawa had made clear, this time around, the work would be more rigorous. It would be closer to the real thing than any of them had experienced. They anticipated fighting villains and late night patrols. They anticipated getting beaten up and tossed around only to have the hero they worked under rush in to save the day. What they didn’t anticipate was sitting in a boardroom for three hours going over profits and losses and how to make up revenue. No, being a hero was more like owning your own business. They had to track expenses and factor in labor costs. A lot of work goes into being the top hero, and most of that work was behind a computer. It was no wonder why Endeavor was so annoyed. None of them would be thrilled about meetings and public appearances. 

They had spent a little time working on interviewing skills, but they didn’t think they would be so important. Midnight tried to press the issue, but each student, the present three in that room included, didn’t care much about the political part of hero work; an important, albeit annoying aspect of the job. Not even the number one hero was immune to the force of the media. You made that painstakingly obvious to the trio as you went over the approved questions you would give the reporter at the lunch meeting.

“Unlock the wifi.” He demanded again, this time his voice showing his irritation.

Again, you continue on with your rant, not paying any mind to his demand. He did this every morning. He would sit on his phone, not paying any attention to your debrief. You masterfully solved the problem by changing the password every day before he arrived and only giving it to him when you were done.

You turned and placed your hand on the growing stack of papers on the corner of his desk, “Procrastinating will get you nowhere. All of these papers need your signature and to be filled out completely by the end of the day; No exceptions.”

You finished your briefing and looked to him for questions. He stayed silent not wanting to drag this on any longer than it already had.

“Oh and Mr. Endeavor, Sir.” Your usual bubbly and happy go lucky demeanor got a bit more serious, “The doctors called… about your wife.”

Shotos attention was undivided. Once he heard doctors and wife in relation to his father, he stopped relaying information to Bakugo and Midorya about the unusual relationship between his father and his assistant, and focused solely on you.

You saw his face go white, “Don't worry Shoto, it's nothing serious.” You hoped your smile would calm him down, “It's just been a minute since someone made an appearance.” Your glare burned holes through the flame hero. 

He hated that glare. And he hated this topic, especially in front of Shoto. He felt a bit embarrassed about visiting his wife more often now. He’d leave her flowers, of course, you would go pick them up for him. 

“I'll go see her later. I've more pressing matters-” 

You cut him off. “You know, I think you have time tomorrow. I'll schedule a visit for you.” You smiled. 

He grumbled at your reaction. This was not the time or place for this subject. But thank the holy heavens this briefing was over. 

****

Your day went by quick. Endeavor had been showing his son around the small changes made and his classmates followed. You couldn't help but notice that the other two boys had been getting neglected in his training. You called over Shoto to have him help you, much to Endeavors dismay. This forced him to spend some time training the other two and not focus solely on his own prodigy.

The end of the day arrived and as your boss left, you stopped him, “Those papers?” You asked with a tilted head and a cute smile.

“I'll have them done later.” In public, he puffed his chest and showed a more dominating side not shown in private.

“This is when it gets… interesting.” Shoto whispered knowing that the assistant respected her employer a bit too much to cause a scene in front of the people that thought of him as the sole ruler of castle Endeavor.

“I need them done today.” You repeated your earlier demands. 

You really didn't ask for much. All you needed was for him to complete the tiniest of tasks you needed from him and to be where he needed to be at the time he needed to be there. It wasn't hard. As a matter of fact, all of his speeches- if he even does them- were all written by you. All of his interviews were arranged and practically directed by you. You write the questions they would ask, you write the answers he would give- or at least a readers digest version. He wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, so you’d have to make sure that they were questions he could answer on the fly.

He was clearly irritated that day. He started his day in a foul mood, and it was no shock to anyone he would end it that way or worse. 

“I said I'll get it done later.” He yelled having raised his voice at you for the first time in years, “I know you think I can't live without you, but I'll have you know, I'm perfectly capable of doing all of this myself. I use you to make life easier on me. Don't go thinking that you aren't replaceable.” 

You looked at him like a deer in headlights. To think that he would say such a thing after all you had done. You had got him coffee and scheduled appointments that were not even work related. You spent countless hours calling tailors that could cater to his massive physique and wouldn't take forever. You picked up dry cleaning and went grocery shopping. You found the restaurants that served a healthier version of his favorite meals since he requested that you make sure he stopped gorging on junk food and garbage like instant ramen.You woke up in the middle of the night to do nothing about his kidney stones and just watch him writhe in pain on the floor until they passed. All he wanted was moral support while he squirmed and cried for hours. He trusted you. Maybe even loved you, to a certain extent. So these words, they hurt.

“You can do it alone, huh?” You gripped the papers in your hands tight, turning your knuckles a ghostly white.  

“Fine!” You tossed them in the air, letting them rain down on him like a baptism of clerical duties, “Do it yourself!” You huffed, grabbing your purse and jacket to storm out. “I don't get paid enough to deal with this shit.”  

Every single eye in the building was on you as you stomped to the elevator. Endeavors flaming shoulders were like ice cubes compared to the heat your rage was putting off. People parted like the Red Sea as you made way through the many desks and cubicles.  If you had any strength, the force at which you pushed the elevator button would have crushed the whole pad and destroyed it entirely. 

You waited, tapping your finger to your forearm. The stares from everyone were noticeable, how could they all not stare? This was a big commotion in the office. Everyone thought you and Endeavor had such a good relationship. You bickered, of course, but mostly it seemed the two of you had an understanding.

The door opened and without hesitation, you stepped on- or tried to. You were tugged back gently by a large hand, your body staying in the elevator door, stopping it from closing. His tough face donned a pout. His flames had been extinguished. He tried to stay tough, not wanting to show weakness in front of his staff, but he knew he’d have to eat crow. 

“Can I help you?” You asked with sass.

“Please,” He looked to the floor, “Don't le….”

You heard him. He tried to hide it, but you heard him. The question was: Was it enough?

“I'm sorry Mr. Endeavor, I can't quite hear you.” You cupped your ear with your free hand.

“Please don't leave.” He said louder, standing tall and gaining his composure.

He was so damn stubborn. This was your chance to finally get him to stop acting like a goddamn child and realize that he needs to take some accountability for his own Hero agency.  That means not having someone holding his hand all day to get him to do his work, even if it wasn't hero work. 

You tilted your head implying what it was you wanted to hear. “I'll take your morning debriefs more seriously.” He said with a sullen tone.

“And?”

“And we can discuss a significant raise if you keep helping me the way you do.” 

“And?”

He’d catch on in a second.

“I'll go get those papers done.” He sighed, having been defeated by a midget in a dress, “Right now.” He let go of your arm.

You looked up at him with a cocky grin on your face and walked back to your desk.

You sat down and organized the papers you had thrown and glanced to the three boys standing shocked at what had just happened, “Like a fiddle.” You smirked, going back to your duties and watching his defeated form pass your desk and back into his office.

[minecraft-inspo]

Minecraft 1.14 Villager Mechanics

          As we near the release of Minecraft Java 1.14, the “Village and Pillage Update”, the snapshots are reaching a point of feature completeness. So what was actually changed about village mechanics in these snapshots? Here I’m going to go into the major changes in village creation, villager trading, and more, especially the brand new features added in last week’s snapshot. Hopefully you find this post informative, and share it if you do!

Workstations, Beds, and Bells

          Prior to 1.14, villages were determined to exist based on the number of doors near villagers. This is no longer the case. In fact, doors don’t matter at all anymore. Rather than basing villages off of door number, villages now require at least one bed, and one “workstation” to be considered a valid village. I will go more into what a workstation is later, and why beds are needed. Previously, villager population was determined by a rate 1:3 villagers per door. That is to say, if you have 9 doors, and 2 villagers, they would produce a third villager, to satisfy the 1:3 ratio. Villager breeding is currently broken, but appears to now be based on bed number and workstation number, with one of each per villager in the population.

          So what are workstations? Well, villagers now do “work”. In order for trades to refresh, villagers must travel to a workstation, and do this work. Workstations are also important for another reason. Villagers no longer spawn with a profession, instead they spawn as “unemployed” villagers, which then claim a workstation. By claiming a workstation, villagers become the profession associated with that workstation. All villager professions have an associated workstation. Many new utility blocks have been added in 1.14 to act as workstations. For example, farmers use the brand new composter as a workstation, while weapon smiths use grindstones. A full list of workstations and professions can be viewed below.

Workplace chart from the Minecraft Wiki

     But why do you need beds in a village? Well, villagers sleep now, of course! Rather than just standing behind a door all night, they actually claim a specific bed and sleep there. This means villagers no longer all collect within a single house! While not as huge of a game-changer as the workstation system, it’s a nice addition.

A villager sleeps in a minimalist village

          There’s one more new piece to villages, though. A new block called a bell is also important (though not necessary) for your villages. The bell works as a meeting point, a place for villagers to come together and talk, when they’re not doing work. They tend to this right after waking up in the morning, and right before nighttime. In Bedrock addition, ringing the bell sends villagers running, but in Java, ringing it currently has no effect.

Interested so far? There’s even more new villager mechanics, including big changes to trading! Click “keep reading” to see the rest of the post.

Trading

          At first, trading may appear much the same as in earlier versions. However, there are many small changes that build together into a significant overhaul of the trading system. To start, there’s many new trades, and even a new villager profession (the mason). Some of these trades make previously difficult to obtain items, such as tipped arrows, more readily available. Others are small quality of life improvements, such as the added ability to sell beetroots to farmers, like other crops always have been. I know some people were worried that enchanted books would be removed from villager trading, but don’t panic, they’re still available!

         The villager trading system as a whole has also changed significantly. The first thing one might notice upon attempting to trade with a villager is that they now have their own experience bar and leveling system. Trading with villagers now gives them experience, and new trades are only unlocked when the villager levels up. A villager’s level can be viewed both within its trading menu, and on a small colored badge on their clothing. Leveling villagers can often take multiple days, as when they run out of items, they need to go to their workstation to restock, which they can only do twice daily. Trading costs are also now dynamic, built on a “supply and demand” system. When you use one trade more, costs go up, and when you use a trade less, costs go down. If you do a lot of low level trades, you can get villagers to give you good deals on more expensive goods. This makes leveling villagers very rewarding, as you already have to do many low level trades to even unlock higher trades.

A farmer villager displaying a level 3, “Journeyman,” badge. 

Gossip

          The final major villager system is called gossip, believe it or not. It was completely unmentioned in the update changelog, and is basically a secret feature. Gossip functions as a way for villagers to transfer info between one another. There are three things that villagers can gossip about. The first is whether a player has traded with them. I am not entirely sure what the effect of this type of gossip is, but I suspect it lowers the cost of trades with other villagers. If so, it would give the players a reason to allow villagers to come together to gossip. The next type of gossip is about whether a player has hurt a villager. Villagers will raise their prices if attacked, and will tell other villagers to do the same. The final form of gossip is whether there is an iron golem present in a village. If ten villagers gossip about the lack of a golem, one will spawn. This will break many old iron farms, but new designs, such as this one by Docm, are already being created based on the new gossip system. Villagers only gossip when within a certain distance and while not working, which often does not occur in a normally sized village. Not to worry though, the new bell collects villagers to meet, at which time they gossip, which is why a bell is important within your villages.

 Two villagers gossiping by a bell

          Village mechanics have changed in huge ways, and in my opinion, for the better. The new changes make villages feel more dynamic and living than ever, and are a breath of fresh air for the previously simplistic villagers. If you enjoyed my post on this subject, feel free to follow and reblog, and let me know what you want a overview of next!