#especially how to be a better human
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*catboys ur shounen protag*
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#itadori yuuji#yuji itadori#yuuji#fanart#jjk fanart#boss shes drawing shirtless catboys.............#listen i just bought the mewji plush ive been in a Mood ok#u all can forgive me im sure#i rly liked the original mewji sketch that i did last night but fr some reason when i went to clean it i could not get th expression??#it just looked so off and kind of uncanny and not like yuuji at all#so i scapped it :) hes less scrunchy faced now#also. gomenyasai i am still guilty of doubling up on human/cat ears....#espECIALLY with a haircut like yuujis it is beyond me how to omit them#if anyone can make it work u r a better artist than i#anyway im so happy the trend of like. putting ur ref pic next to the finished piece exists#adds a lil layer of visual interest i think !!!#plus i for one think its neat seeing what other ppl use fr ref#i realized while drawing this tht its been a minute since my last boy without a shirt on#every time i get to draw torso muscles i am like i shld do this more often !!! and then i never do#bc the only thing i like more than rendering muscles is a cute fit GHJFJHFGSHg#anyway itadori mewji ladies and gays enjoy <3#i have ! places 2 b !#'why were u late' . uh .
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BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER 7x05 | “Selfless”
#btvsedit#btvs#buffythevampireslayeredit#buffy the vampire slayer#creations#buffysource#dailybtvs#buffyseries#anya jenkins#maybe one of the better s7 episodes? im not sure how i feel about it#like plotwise#but as an anya character study and the acting by emma in it is amazing#this moment especially where they take the 'anya is autism-coded because she's a former vengeance demon learning to be human' and go no.#she's just autistic she was always autistic. thank you for that
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Wow. That could not have turned out worse.
Part 23 || First || Previous || Next
--Full Series--
This comic will be on Holiday Hiatus this December and January! While on a cliffhanger? What a scam! >:/
#Chara finally realizes something is wrong....very wrong#And you get to see little Chara for all of 2 drawings. wow. You guys are so spoiled uwu#Asriel and Chara bbfs#finally out of that darn tootin' Darkworld! WE'VE BEEN THERE FOR 2 YEARS!!!#LORE TIME LORE TIME. I know Chara is very vague about it but player-human relationships are very personal.#it can be hard to talk about them if you've been possessed yourself. especially with some stigmas around it#chara just wanted a glass of water. why you gotta do this to em#I am so so so happy to get here#the full excitement has faded since I first thought up this scene but It's still one hell of an accomplishment#YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA how many times I reworked this and how many rough drafts I've thrown out the window because of it.#tbh. I may post the 10+ rough pages that will never see the light of day#Im glad I didnt go through with that scrapped plot bc It was too many unneeded pages. I've learned to start condensing in a better way#I am also planning on showing off my Patreon soon :) so I'll be posting complete scrapped story lines over there#deltarune chara timeline#deltarune#utdr#deltarune chara timeline comic#art#my art#bread#chara#asriel#saloon darkworld#darkworld#deltarune au#college chara#college asriel
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Mentioned this before but as much as I adore the medic Leo headcanon, my favorite type of it is when it’s basically just Leo knowing the most surface level of stuff and carrying around a super basic first-aid kit in his pack. So he knows how to use gauze, and he’s got a ton of Jupiter Jim branded bandaids, and if you really needed it then he can hit you up with some ibuprofen but other than that? Nothing.
But. I love the idea that that changes post-invasion.
They’re pretty sturdy, all of them, so they can take more than one beating and really only need a bandaid for the fun of it. But the invasion hit harder than ice packs and “lots of rest” would help with, and I can bet that a post being beaten to a pulp Leo would have a lot of time on his hands to reflect and, maybe, learn a thing or two as he waits to get better.
It’s nothing excessive, not at first, but he watches veterinary videos, and live surgeries, and other videos in that same realm (because the books are, uh, a bit too jargon-y for him) multiple times over. Just so he knows. Just in case he needs to know.
In his pack, there’s a first-aid kit. With the use of a mini portal for extra space, the kit has grown to include everything from scalpels to butterfly stitches to sutures to even fiberglass patches.
And obviously the Jupiter Jim brand bandaids stay too.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#medic leo#I especially like the idea that his want to learn more medical stuff is also pushed by him actually wanting to be a better hero too#like if they gotta rescue squishy humans then it’s probably good for them to know how to do basic care just in case!#Leo’s portals would come in clutch for easy access to necessary medical tools#I doubt Leo would be AMAZING at it especially not so young and inexperienced and without proper teaching#but idk I like the idea that the bro who wields the only weapon specially made for killing is the one who is the medic#it’s interesting to me!#and tbh I bet all the bros learn basic first aid too#April DEFINITELY knows it#splinter absolutely knows#but yeah I just really like the hc that Leo holds the bandaids and that’s about as much medical knowledge he’s got and LATER he learns more#like the idea that little Leo desperate to figure out how to contribute wanted to be a medic but then he came to the realization#that he and his family were all WAY TOO STURDY and never really got hurt 💀#most of the time his bandaids went to Mikey who wasn’t ever hurt he just likes colorful stickers and at that point that’s all bandaids were
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Are you still doing the trio prompts? If so, I humbly submit Rex/Obi/Cody for I1, or all of the "assigned baby by fandom" clones (Tup, Wooley and Comet) as K1
I'm still doing the trio prompts, and I'm finally about halfway done with them too! Thank you for the prompts, Anon, I could hardly pick (so in the end I didn't - but I'm posting them separately). I especially loved working on the "assigned baby by fandom" boys, thank you for picking such a lovely thing for them ❤️
Credit where credit is due: I've only ever seen Wooley as shiny-new in the show with no paint of his own, so I ended up using @yukipri's wonderful paint design for him (since I'm pretty sure that if Comet and Tup have their paint then Wooley should definitely has his worn in as well)
Polyamorous/platonic poses for sketching
and the other drawings I’ve made for them
#clones#tcw clones#comet#clone trooper comet#clone trooper tup#tcw tup#tcw comet#tup#wooley#clone trooper wooley#tcw wooley#clone troopers#my art#poly sketches#tcw fanart#artists on tumblr#I'm working on my expressions and 3/4th angles and I dare say I'm getting better#answers#anonymous#do you know how difficult it was to figure out all those hands and arms especially in armor???#it doesn't allow for all the squish of a human body that makes it possibly to squeeze them together like that#they are adorable I love them#it was total news to me that Wooley has the sides of his head shaved. I always assumed that he had a whole head of wild longer hair#I'd die for Comet's silly little tail of a braid I've missed drawing it so bad#the way it is in my head tup is the shiniest of the three... and I figured that comet is a tad bit shinier than wooley#but I cannot be bothered to look up the proper timeline#it's on their armor here at any rate
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The voices are loud and I am WEAK
#nebula rambles#gripping my FUCKING HEAD#i love fnaf sb. i do. i think besides the fucking. INSANE SHIT it canonizes and whips out#it has really cool concepts and actually are giving the animatronics and even the humans (all things considered)-#more personality and theyre so silly#but god. i still remember the confusion and like. befuddlement watching gameplay at last and i watched chaos#bring back the old concepts BRING BACK THE OLD LAYOUT BETTER COMPRESS YOUR GAME STEEL WOOL#and im. grips head.#hey guys im dbs' number one hater#you can hate on dbgt all you want that's. understandable#but GOD NOTHING WILL MAKE ME WANT TO EXPLODE THAN DBS#i know it's definitely for either nostalgia or to bring people back to familiarity whatever#but WHY do you have it take place BEFORE the final episode but AFTER the buu saga#why not just. make it the new gt#why not make an ACTUAL CANON for AFTER dbz???#cause with all the new shit coming in [multiple universes#the gods of destructions and their angels-#NO ONE FUCKING MENTION MAI TO ME IM SO FUCKING ANGRY BY HOW THEY HAVE THE PILAF GANG BUT ESPECIALLY MAI#do i still adore they made broly canon and rewrote him into such an interesting take?#yes#do i FUCKING LOVE the dbs super hero movie?#absolutely#but i cannot look away from the everything else it's attached to#admittedly im an anime watcher bc it's easier for me to digest but i have seen some stuff from the manga after super hero and#anyways this is. long. hi. i have visions i dont know if i'll ever act upon
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Many things were used to describe the mad hermit of Amaurot: a drunkard, degenerate, cynical, and even monstrous by those who stirred trouble for the newly appointed Azem. But nothing could prepare Emet-Selch for what he would see for himself, when offered a chance to meet the Sun's Shadow.
#ffxiv#ancients#endwalker spoilers#emet selch#lahabrea#azem#azem oc#apollo#dionysus#hemitheos dionysus because I like the thought that anyone with soul sight will look at him#and they get to be jumpscared by what i like to personally imagine as a winged embodiment of void or the abyss#I would say the moon but within the context of FFXIV the moon isnt actually a normal astral body#though like azem/apollo and the role of the sun#I write dionysus to be the astrological moon#a character who represents the subconscious and the self- who often sees and brings out the worst in those around him#how I basically describe as being around him will break you to your barest so you can remake yourself into something better than before#unfortunately for the convocation he is also an antithesis to their ways and their biggest critic- out of love- funnily enough#also dont mind the idea that magic (especially creation magic) is so deeply ingrained that the idea of manual work is surprising to people#dionysus has to constantly use his aether to suppress his power he's either doing things by hand or sleeping#ancient zenos does not get to escape the sleepy curse#weird vintner in the mountains found lounging off in the middle of his vineyard#emet expecting dion to be the problem out of the duo until he realizes that /apollo/ is the overprotective cryptic and chaotic weirdo#with the power to stop an active volcano#and dion is the chill and collected hardworking man who despite everything is more human than most#tbh this was mostly inspired by the scenes with thordan and varis and how they react to WoL and Zenos in those moments#for dion/zenos it is their being while on the flip side for WoL/Azem it is their choices and the expression of such choices
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litany of the martyrs (click for better resolution!)
#at some point i wanted to make an illustration for each character but in retrospect maybe each is multiple song-coded..#drew the sketch for a quincy thing after a chat with a mutual reminded me this song existed dfsghjkl and then spent weeks rendering this#quincy cynthius martin#adamandi#i'm finally done with this! the saints especially were joys to paint and the halo a menace.... this has been the most ambitious one so far.#but it also took quite long because i only worked on it <engages with quincy> when mentally okay to deal with the themes. i'm not religious#but i do identify with the irrational(?ish) guilt + family legacy + academic achievement + disregard for self. also more complex thoughts#about love [but depsite quincent being a large part of quincy's character this piece deals with mostly the Rest of it. so another time..]#anyways! in the original sketch- the saints had heads bent towards quincy so the halo spikes pointed at him. but this worked better! halos#of the saints implying/creating one for quincy was a concept from the start though. in the show they don't touch him directly here but#differences in mediums i think- i don't have time in an image to craft a narrative so everything has to be happening. also artistic liberty#misc inspiration for this includes stained glass windows. i might have maybe misinterpreted the saint costume but i think i logic-ed it out#as the cloth part following a nun's habit w the hood. and then halo above. the material is also more transparent originally but i had. um.#too much fun painting fabric folds.. if you look closely you can see the basis of faces though behind the cloth; but only the vague shapes#because smth obscurity + inhumanness// cassian is the only one i gave a mouth though. that stems from melliot's post about the saints and#st cassian as spokesperson (<- did research teehee!) that's also how i found out which costume = which saint. speaking of which.#left to right: 'st lucy take my hand' // 'st lawrence give me strength' (presses quincy forward; but hand on shoulder connotates guidance)#/'st cassian help me smile' (quincy's mouth is btwn a grimace and a smile; tilts up at side. also no direct touch bc added insidiousness.)#//'st jude [...] i hope your causes burn' (jude's hand is in two places to show movement- nearing the flame and then snatching back; burnt)#other notes: at the midst of the flame the core is shaped like a human heart /the saints and their wax are all melting like the candle for#fun visual effect and also this way they are even less tangible <real>. perks of painting as a medium i guess. // also insp from icarus?#wax and burning imagery; looking at the halo and rays as parallel to sun that burns. too close to the sun; melting; hurting; hurtling //#candles at bottom are a nod to the frankly gorgeous set// also the entire composition kind of stems from the lyric <what use is a candle if#both ends aren't burning>; the two sides between the concepts of catholic guilt and academic perfection that spur quincy#the halo above (saints and guilt; litanyofthemartyrs) and the 'halo' below (academic papers; insp from choreo for perfect at school)#the papers were originally supposed to be more glowy. but i like the idea of it now being a reflection of how quincy's priorities shift#also of note is that <candle> in centre = quincy; w burning candle + aforementioned heart in flame -> most human; idea of love + passion#last thoughts: kneeling + hands close tgt = prayer //wax dripping onto the red As make an effect that looks like blood. because i like#hiding that within the adamandi pieces :OO continuity!! // i've run out of tags but yeah! had fun with this one! every so often i go a#little insane in making art and the final result astounds even me. ngl i'm quite proud of this one. pretty colours <3333
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sequel to this ramble cause the way james talks bout the reduced cherik scenes throughout the xmen films in this video is making me want to kill people. 'we'll always have paris darling' what if we all blew up.
#xmen#xmen first class#xmen dofp#xmen apocalypse#xmen dark phoenix#cherik#snap chats#im gonna be sick ive rewatched this like five times#IM STILL PISSED AWF AND THEN HEARING HIS COMMENTARY ABOUT IT OUUUUGGHHHH#OOOH WHAT IF I THREW ROCKS#LIKE WHAT THE HELL WAS CUT. aside from that gorgeous 'where are you doing' scene in first class ofc BUT WHAT ELSE#im forced to believe there was a make-up and/or hate sex scene in dofp because wdym they were worried about censorship#LIKE WHAT. WHAT DID THEY CUT. CAUSE CENSORSHIP OVERSEAS IS ONLY FOR EXPLICITLY QUEER THINGS INNIT#maybe paris can be our always i hate it here NO I LOVE HOW THE PARIS BIT IS EVEN /THEIR/ COPE#LIKE PLEAAAAASSE im throwing up. maybe if i draw cherik ill feel better#on the real its genuinely so sad. like even outside of shipping this is still art being reduced#and what we have is still good but the thought that it coudlve been BETTER ...#again their connection is already good from what we have in the final but just ... the lost emphasis of it all if that makes sense#ESPECIALLY outside of first class and dofp- like their relationship really is so sparse in DP and apocalypse its so sad#i think what makes it esp sad is how upset james is about the cut material like its so nice that hes so invested in their relationship too#and its just gotta be so. Excuse Me What when youre told 'hey so your characters cant having a deeper relationship or we're fucked'#'even though the relationship between these two is one of the most fascinating aspects of this generation of xmen films'#is it so hard to want to see like .. even just an intimate 'friendship'. like would it be so bad to see them be so heartfelt#or even just bein a bit silly. or hell ill take them fighting again ANYTHING I BEG YOU the humanity between them is so important#LIKE PLEASE im gonna cope and seethe forever i fear#and when he said 'i thought 'its probably the last time we get to do this to each other'' :((((((((((((((((((((( shoot me#at least we'll always have paris ....
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Oh you so desperately want to be a rabid animal. You put on a violent act, snarl and bite anyone that comes into contact with you, pushing away everyone you can, putting on an act that the people want to see, playing into their expectations of what disease truly is.
You so deeply wish there was some simple explanation for it. Some easy-to-define reasoning as to why you act the way you do. Why you can't stand the way their hands reach out to you in kindness. Why it makes you feel sick. You so desperately want to call it a disease, a malady, a virus, when you're just scared. You've been scared all your life. You've been gnashing your teeth before they can bite you first for as long as you can remember.
But I know what a rabid animal looks like and it is not you. You are not fatal. You are not doomed. You're acting because it's all you know how to do anymore, and I can see right through it.
#ace on stage#um. hi#some weird feelings about characters and how rabies is portrayed#its often shown as very inaccurate to how it actually functions. i love rabid dog characters but i think a dog that tries#so hard to be seen as rabid‚ to have an explanation better than fear#is a Much More Interesting perspective#i dunno. its late. i needed to write some bullshit down or it was repeating in my head forever#um. dont touch wild animals. especially not bats. especially if they act weird or friendly. or even hurt#especially hurt. you want to help them. but dont touch them#if a wild animal bites you‚ go to the doctors immediately.#rabies has no cure. once you display symptoms you are dead. it has a 100% fatality rate in humans.#its a very fascinating virus to me#Captain's Logs#<- writing tag i guess
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I know I've been on about this for a while now and I'm being a hater but you're telling me SydCarmy was "always meant to be platonic" even though there are two seasons of writing making use of tried-and-true explicitly romantic tropes, themes and writing signals, and SydLuca is going to be romantic because...he was nice to her on screen for a few minutes?
I don't even care if people ship SydLuca, or if they just prefer it, but you can't honestly tell me that you believe Carmy was always meant to be a friend but Luca is an obvious love interest.
Just because Syd and Carmy haven't kissed or confessed their love to each other doesn't mean that isn't very obviously the direction this show is going. The Bear has already shown you who is endgame. It has shown you every episode of the show so far.
Honestly I really don't think The Bear fanbase understands this show or cares about these characters or the story being told here, which is unfortunate because this show is shockingly well-written in comparison to most shows right now, and we should be so grateful for it but all we're doing is complaining that the writers led us on by not making a ship canon fast enough. It's just. Sad.
#The Bear#SydCarmy#I was like a casual fan of this show two days ago#and now seeing how little respect this show gets from it's fanbase I'm losing my mind#I mean I shipped SydCarmy before anyway but now it means so much to me#it means so much to see such a realistic and purposefully well paced romance take place#so many shows portray romantic relationships and their beginnings in ways that just don't really happen in real life#and this show very purposefully said no. These are characters who are strangers. who are working together. Who are in a tense environment#and each of them has problems - one of them the type of problems that makes developing new relationships pretty difficult#these two would not get together right away. It would take a long time. And there would be ups and downs.#And even when that's the case. Even if when it takes a long time and doesn't go smoothly and is hard -#it can still be beautiful. It can still be romantic. It can still happen and here's how#and I'm just so inspired genuinely. It is so difficult to write romance without being cliche and so difficult to write it in a way that#could actually happen in real life and I really do hope I can write something half as good some day#and then to know so many people have no appreciation for it at all#because they prefer the shows that have characters make eye contact a few times and then confess their love for each other like#it's just fucking sad. So sad that so few people have any appreciation for good writing especially the difficult of romance writing#like I really just don't even know what to tell you. In real life these two would not have confessed to each other yet. They would not have#kissed yet. They would not have even realized they have feelings for each other yet because those feelings would still be developing#and I also want to point out that given the disparity in power between Syd and Carmy in season 1 it wouldn't have been healthy for them to#get together much sooner. He was her boss. He was also her idol. Before they can even get together that needs to be balanced out.#And then on top of that don't you see the value in Carmy realizing the dream girl he's romanticized in his head - Claire - isn't actually#what he wants? Don't you see the beauty in him being disillusioned from that? And realizing that Syd is what he wants?#Don't you see the beauty in Syd having an idealized vision of what Carmy The Great Chef is like realizing she was wrong and that he's human#and flawed and then realizing - she loves him anyway? She loves him more for not being on a pedestal and for having his flaws?#Are you telling me that even thinking about this doesn't move you? Doesn't make your heart ache a little?#And again - ship and let ship - but what is Luca? What is Luca if not just what she was hoping Carmy would be when she wen to The Beef?#What is he if not just another man who she has not seen under pressure yet? Not seen reliving trauma yet? Not been her boss yet?#It's easy to look at him and think he's better than Carmy - and that's the point. That's the point The Bear is making.#It is easy to want someone you don't know. It's hard to want to someone you do know. But that's what love requires and that's the point
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Lovely lovely jade told me to pursue my idea of a leopard gecko insert so here she is i never made a self insert before i dont know her name but she really likes crystals and tarot and uses them in her daily life, she would probs live in hither (cause im super scared of thither although the weather there is better im very scared of skabatha and the god damn moving forest i am NOT going there). Also shes obviously kremys bestie and they gossip together why not. She gave kremy an opal kinda like a friendship gift because opals to me have unicorn vibes. She would absolutely do a tarot reading for each of the krew, perhaps lying a bit to not discourage them or make them sad.
Also shes besties with jades self insert. Obviously. Okay bye.
#i feel awkward do people care about this??#im not gonna ouaw tag this this is for me and perhaps some insane szarers#i was actually thinking of naming her szare?#cause thats not my actual name#but ive grown so attached to being called szare that it fits me better than maria#so idk what her name would be#but shes so cool#its not like for the past month ive been imagining myself in ouaw#and a spotted gecko was my first idea#i love lizardfolk no not only because of kremy#okay its mostly because of kremy#but especially with ocs#it feels much cooler to not look human at all#jealous at how you cant tell if theyre male or female if ur not lizardfolk urself#yeah yeah i dont believe in a gender for myself but sure im okay with she her and being called a woman#i have a job and i go to uni and im depressed i dont have the mental space to also debate my gender#so ill become a spotted gecko girlie who likes to smoke with a certain gator#and she likes trinkets#yea
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Girls5Eva is the best thing that ever happened to me, actually
#stephen colbert delivering that line like it's the most brilliant innovative idea anyone has ever had is kind of important to the joke#but it's still funny even just as text#I also appreciate simultaneous representation for women who are queer in a way that isn't tailored to male fantasy#and also women who are queer in a way that's deeply appealing to male fantasy#or maybe being a male fantasy is part of their own fantasy it's all very complex and it's not our place to judge#and I do think tina fey has historically been very good at pointing out the rather condescending attitudes some women have#towards women who perform for the patriarchy#like they don't know any better or they're being disingenuous or they're oppressed#and summer is such an amazing character who really humanizes the need to perform beside the need to own yourself#and how they are and are not incompatible especially for a literal performer/singer like her#girls5eva#paula pell#busy philipps#stephen colbert#alf musik#gloria mcmanus#summer dutkowsky
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Something I think is cute is that - y’know how Raph’s eyes are more on the yellow side?
Well, you know who also has slightly yellowed eyes? Donnie.
While Raph’s are more yellow, I think it’s cute that this is something that they share and I don’t see it pointed out too often?
It’s also something they both share with Draxum and Splinter’s current form (though again, these two have much more yellow sclera than the boys do.)
But yeah, I like that there’s this little detail that ties Raph and Donnie together, even if it’s small.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt raph#rottmnt donnie#rise donnie#rise raph#there are a few screenshots that look like Donnie’s eyes were colored more white like Leo and Mikey#but the vast majority has his eyes and teeth yellowed a little#not quite to Raph’s level but enough to be noticeable especially when you contrast it to Mikey Leo and April#I see a lot of art on here not giving Donnie his yellowed sclera and it makes me sad a little#bc Mikey and Leo have soooo many things tying them together design wise (mainly their shells)-#so its nice to keep the things tying Raph and Donnie together as well (their sclera + how THEIR shells are both basically just green)#(+ how even when Donnie makes his battleshells he keeps them one color - just like Raph’s shell)#I’m looking too hard into this but Brains and Brawn is a Good Duo#you could also - considering the show’s theme of giving the less ‘human’ characters more yellowed sclera- consider this design decision-#-a way to show that Mikey and Leo are species of turtles more acclimated to humans since their breeds are very often pets (esp Leo)#whereas Raph and Donnie are species that are more commonly just left in the wild#idk I just think it’s an interesting design decision tbh#esp considering you can see this human acclimation from the very start with the boys as well#with how readily Mikey and Leo interact with Splinter#whereas Raph bites and Donnie is completely disinterested#i like when their species has an effect on their characters tbh#like how Leo being the Face Man makes perfect sense since Red Eared Sliders are the most popular pet turtle BECAUSE they’re pretty-#-and better with people than most other species#Mikey too being so gung-ho about people makes sense for these same reasons#as ornate box turtles as well are very popular pet turtles#idk they’re just fun I love these guys#also- I love when people give Raph a huge tail it’s so cute
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A very normal scientist doing very normal gene splicing experiments (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Gaster#Wobbledogs#Sometimes media flooding bleeds over into other interests at the same time and yes that is my only justification for this lol#I'm always most amused by the sequence of things lol - I'd already started in on Handplates again but then got very diverted by Wobbledogs#Which is especially weird to me because I was introduced to the game like half a year ago and it didn't really grab me#It's cute but eh it's fine - and then I watched a proper lightly edited playlist not like jumpcut-jumpcut-jumpcut#That can make for a very punchy one-off but it doesn't really reflect the gameplay loop#So actually getting to see it properly made the difference and I kinda Get It now and also kinda want to own the game lol#MeanWhile - Ghoster's been hanging out as my desktop buddy literally /while/ watching and I was getting new ideas on that front#They smushed together lol#Having him onscreen is just a good excuse to do a quick once-over style of study and follow some silly ideas haha#What would Gaster think of a progressive mutation type game ♪ Watching them grow watching them struggle to walk#Only uses the scold feature - or the worse option that he treats the dogs better than the skelebros noooo haha#Pretty much all of the creatures in Undertale are sentient to some degree aren't they :0 Wobbledogs are just dogs#They're not monsters but they're not humans but they're not exactly just dogs either - just little creachurs haha#It's fun to imagine him nurturing anyone or anything haha ♪ Goes from ''???'' to ''How can I help this reach their full potential''#Whatever ''potential'' means in his own context hehe#It's cute in its own way
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So, I just discovered something interesting.
This is a bit of a long one, so bear with me. It's important. Seriously.
I just woke up a few hours ago. My meds are starting to kick in. I was having a very serious and genuine, deep conversation (in-head) and it was... beautiful. It wasn't happy, but it was beautiful. Not the point.
Point is:
I had not had a single fucking intrusive thought today until someone made a noise in the other room.
I am so fucking PISSED OFF
Why my brain refuses to realize that intrusive thoughts CAUSED the good feeling to go away, I have no fucking idea. I've known that for almost a year now, yet my stupid fucking subconscious refuses to change anything it's doing
Before I snap my fucking android phone in half and yeet somebody's face into neptune, I thought I'd share the discovery!!!!
Basically:
MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS DID NOT START UNTIL SOMETHING STARTLED ME OUT OF FOCUS
AS I TYPE THIS, I REALIZE THAT INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS -AT LEAST FOR ADHDERS- ARE A SURVIVAL TACTIC.
Elaborating:
When you fall asleep and your heart slows too much, your body does the falling thing to make sure you're still alive.
It's not that intrusive thoughts are *Just* because your brain gets too quiet, It's because your life has never been completely quite before, or -like me- the few times it is quiet, something interrupts. And even if it doesn't piss you off, even if you don't jump like I do, your brain still registers it as not safe.
--
Falling asleep, heart slows a lot-
Body: *Sends adrenaline just to make sure it still actually works.*
Drowning, even mostly unconscious-
Body and brain: *Hold onto that last half-breath even if it feels like you're head is going to explode.*
Going grocery shopping or talking to someone you think is cool-
Brain: *Remembers what it felt like the first time your guardian was indifferent or mean about something that made you happy or calm.*
Things around you actually get quiet-
Brain *Sends a thought you hate just to make sure you're prepared for a sudden problem.*
TDLR 1: Your brain isn't mean on purpose, It's just paranoid and still has a will to live.
Listen. I know I'm just some random dude from a weird blog. But I'm trying to translate, to assist. Maybe somebody else needs this realization as much as I do. I apologize for the yelling earlier. I'm still just as upset, but only at my dumbass subconscious. Now some time has passed, and I have regained self-control.
(I also apologize for the above paragraph, my brain nags for me to do this, but I can't remember why. So:)
I am no psychologist. Here are my qualifications (why you should listen to me):
As my friends call it- "Disturbingly self-aware at all times."
Paranoid Schizophrenic with actual (unrelated) OCD, with years of experience dealing with it- more healthily in recent years.
Philosophy and deep thinking is simply my default. I use metaphors, but everything in this post is entirely literal, ...except the angry threat. (*begrudgingly accepts disappointment*)
I am a fiction writer. I don't know about healing people/first aid, but I know a LOT about how anatomy works, with many deep-dives on the psychology/evolution side.
People irl generally consider me a genius? Idk how to gauge that, IQ tests are irrelevant with this type of... smart?. I've been compared to both Da Vinci and Einstein. So, ...actually that's pretty fuckin' cool- (I AM NOT TRYING TO BRAG! I APOLOGIZE IF IT COMES OFF THAT WAY! I've never put it all down like this, and I'm just surprised and questioning my reputation.)
(Also, I love playing detective, so naturally I call myself Batman XD.)
Autistic; I experience the world, and every situation, from a view without any context.
ADHD: My brain automatically -As a guardian I hate describes- "Can watch three different movies at the same time, all in fast forward, and can keep up with all of them." ... Well, yes, but technically no. Idk if other ADHD people do this, but my brain "connects the dots" so quickly, I end up laughing at jokes I've never heard before the 'punchline', because I've already figured out what you're going to say next.
Now combine all that. I am kicking depression's ass and now I want to help you do the same.
I have only mentioned the relevant things. Please keep in mind that ALL of these have both advantages and disasters. Thank you for your patience and understanding. I am running on four hours of sleep. For the love of whatever, I hope this actually helps someone other than me.
Qualifications are noted because: This is all stuff (and stuff like this) that I am just always casually aware of.
TLDR2: Even if I wasn't trying to help people feel better, Apparently I was born with a nat 20 perception/insight check, so please don't argue that I truly understand what I'm talking about here.
#this is serious#serious#intrusive thoughts#adhd intrusive thoughts#especially adhd#psychology#psychological analogy#human instinct#evolutionary psychology#survival instinct#fighting depression#original content#adhd#it can be done#it can be fixed#mental health#mental illness#mental issues#actually mentally ill#mentally fucked#and still going#so i'll help where i can#and you can't stop me#hope#how to get better#get better#getting better#you're not alone#you're gonna be okay
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