#especially given how much time i've poured into learning how to use it effectively

[sidewalk-scrawls]

Fellow game devs who are fleeing Unity, what are your thoughts on Godot vs Unreal for making 2D games? I know Unreal is pretty over-powered for most 2D development, but given I'm used to Unity, how is Godot feature-wise? Are there any features it's noticeably lacking?

[duchezss]

I've taken a bit to try and assemble my thoughts of jwct, and frankly I still don't know how to feel. Not in a "oh that was bad" kinda way, but in a "that was life changing how can I move on" kinda way. So I'm gonna do what I do best and just ramble on here, you know me. Spoilers of course.

Overall thoughts:

Holy cow the animation!! Not to say jwcc was ugly, but you can instantly see the budget differences. The lighting was gorgeous and the sequences were great. It was just so clear how much love was poured into every scene, the thought behind every move was so clear.

The story was so engaging and good. I thought I was gonna get tired of the "picking everyone up" trope, but it worked so well. I think the difference is this show knew how to take it's time. Ben and Darius had a few episodes to themselves, then Sammy and Kenji were given time to express their grievances. Hell we didn't even get to Yaz till ep 6 and I loved that. The dinosaurs were great too, and the overall plot was just amazing. I loved how it all slowly enfolded and how it was clear they had only scratched the surface with what they found out.

The voice acting was great as always, but it did kinda make me emotional at first to hear how much Paul had grown up. Getting used to Kenji and Brooklynn's new VA's was kinda odd, especially for Kenji, but by the end I was mostly cool with them.

The characters (and trust I'm gonna talk about all of them individually in a sec) were just superb. Their overall maturity and growth was outstanding, especially seeing how their trauma really effected them all differently. All of their arcs before and throughout the season were simply breathtaking. I think this season might be the best in terms of balance, it handled it's action, humor, and emotional moments so well.

This kinda relates back to the animation, I can't explain it, but they all just felt so much more human this season. Everyone's body language was so fluid and lifelike. They would talk over each other and mumble, they would hunch and roll their eyes and all of this sounds normal, but it really stood out. I think it's safe to say the animators really popped off this season, the direction was so clear this is truly a masterpiece. Also I felt like all of them were so touchy and I loved that so much. Like yes hug, hold hands, grab shoulders, pat on the back, I LOVE.

Characters:

Darius, my god Darius. Of course I've always loved him, he's an amazing mc and he is just so lovable. That being said I generally couldn't get over how much I loved him this season. He blew me away in ways I couldn't have imagined. His grief is so understandable and the way he shifted his ideology on dinosaurs because of Brooklynn was just heartbreaking. The way his character was handled was amazing, and it was wonderful to see that the writers do know how to let the others shine while still showcasing that he is the mc. I was also so in love with how sassy and witty he was, like when did he become so funny? His vulnerable moments were just as good and I loved how they showed his anger and frustration as well. His arc about learning to accept his grief and his regret was so poignant and beautiful. It's clear he needs a shoulder to cry on and yet he still puts everyone first, god I didn't think I could love him this much. He was easily the best character this season, I feel like they FINALLY showcased how amazing he is, just 10/10 no notes they ate.

I was kinda shocked by how goofy Ben was, but man I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it. Still can't get over how tall he is, and while I hated his design at first, it's really grown on me now. I really don't get how a lot of people are saying he felt like a shell of himself, cause frankly this season just cemented him as one of my favorite characters ever. He was kind, caring, understanding, humorous, he cracked jokes and messed around, but also got emotional and real. Him being a conspiracy theorist and living out of a van just makes sense, and the way he's the opposite of his germaphobe self now is hilarious. It was also interesting to see him as the meditator since he was the only one that got along with everyone else. He tried to help Darius with Kenji, he tried to give advice to Yaz about Sammy. It was just so lovely to see him so content and yet still himself? His scenes with Bumpy were so sweet and sad I can't stand them. Also I'm kinda obsessed with the fact that he's so big yet sucks at fighting and defending himself...king. I loved his mini arc about almost regressing on his fear, and how he grew from that. Ben ily light of my life, still the goat I fear.

Sammy's whole story just felt so heartbreaking. When they found her on the farm all alone it hurt me so bad. The way her family was her whole world and now they aren't on speaking terms? I hope the writers explain a bit cause I just can't fathom why? And Yaz moved away and she was really all alone. The way she approached her grief and her whole life in denial, and how she refused to accept anything was so heartbreaking. It hurt even worse because despite all of that pain she was still her. She was headstrong, kind, and passionate, for people and for dinosaurs. I did love how they still showcased her flaws and weaknesses. She had a hard time treating Yaz differently, but she also just wanted someone to actually be there for her. It's so clear she's tired and wants to be the one taken care of for once. Sammy stories feels heart wrenching in perhaps a more subtle way than the others. I really loved the direction the writers took her in this season. They showcased so much good and left us wanted more and ugh someone just give her another hug please.

If there's one thing the writers can be consistent on is making me despise Kenji. He was annoying me at first because of how he was approaching things, but he really grew on me by the end. He was this season’s punching bag and it was so heartbreaking. Brooklynn died and he blamed Darius and it's like he couldn’t escape his anger. It's interesting to see how him and Darius secluded themselves in different ways, and the way he still calls their mom? Oh I'm gonna cry. Yes Kenji is mad and he has every right to be, but it's clear his anger is misplaced. The whole scene with his father was so sad for so many reasons. Yes Kenji didn't like his father, but he literally watched him die. His breakdown was so painful to watch. I like how we can see Kenji kinda mature again over the season. It's as if he's relearning that not everything is in his control, and he shouldn't dwell on that. Sometimes his VA sounded too uninterested or nonchalant, which is a shame because the thing about Kenji is he pretends not to care but it's really the opposite. I am intrigued to see where this show will take his journey.

We took a while to get to Yaz, but I'd say it was worth the wait. I liked how this series didn't shy away from talking about her ptsd, and it took it even a step further by exploring peoples ways of coping. It's also interesting to see how fear has driven Yaz and how that has effected her relationships with all of them, but particularly Sammy. She's trying so hard to do better, but healing isn't linear and building a glass house around yourself can only do so much. I really hope they'll let us see how all of this is effecting her next season, because for someone is deathly afraid of dinosaurs this season put her through the ringer. That being said, I think there's no denying the bravery she showed. No matter how terrified she was she was always there for her friends. When Sammy needed her she knew how to calm her down, when her friends needed her help she let her instincts drive her. She even learned to let herself enjoy the moment, adding humor to trying to make the best of things. I feel for Yaz and I want to see her find comfort in her friends again, because she also just needs a hug.

Character: five stage of grief

While writing this I stopped and realized that in a way all of them really represented the five stages of grief regarding Brooklynn and just their life in general. So I wanted to take an interlude to talk about that for a moment.

Denial: Sammy - It's clear that Sammy has been trying to deny anything and everything, if only to pretend all of her problems are nonexistent. She doesn't want to believe that her family won't talk to her, and that Yaz won't either, and that her friend is just gone. Denying makes it all of it easier and so she makes herself busy so she won't even have a second to think about it all because then maybe she'd have to accept it.

Anger: Kenji - He's blaming everyone, especially Darius for Brooklynn's death. He blames the Allosaurus and he blames his father and through it all his anger never dwindles. Eventually it's all too much and he lets his anger become sadness, but it's clear his frustration and aggravation are not exactly gone. He can forgive but still feel mad at his situation and I think that's ok.

Bargaining: Yaz - Her's almost borderlines on denial like Sammy, but I think it's a little different. Because unlike Sammy she thinks everything is ok. She's convinced herself that this dino free island is fool proof and if she hides away like this nothing bad could ever happen. Obviously she comes to find out this isn't true and she has to accept the fact that her reassuring herself can only do so much. She has to face her fears, and boy does she.

Depression: Darius - From the get go we knew Darius wasn't doing too good. He's locked himself away in his bunker, cut off everyone, and had just become obsessed with catching the Allosaurus. Loosing Brooklynn was hard on all of them, but it's clear he took it the worst. It also didn't help that Kenji blamed him so much, so he fell into this hole. It's not the typical signs of depression, but his behavior is so different than before. Old Darius would have never cut everyone off and reduced dinosaurs to simple killers.

Acceptance: Ben - He's perhaps the only one that can speak so plainly about Brooklynns death. He constantly reassures Darius that it wasn't his fault and he's the one that rallies all of them together. His acceptance of her death is what allows him to put the pieces together that someone is after them. Of course he still mourns her, but the difference is he wants to get her justice and make sure all of them are safe as well.

Relationships:

To get the elephant out of the room THANK GOD brookenji broke up. I know they have a lot of shooters but I have and will never support or understand them. They just didn't work and had like zero chemistry. I really hope they stay broken up please writers I can't take it anymore. That being said I was pleasantly surprised Kenji's whole character wasn't just about Brooklynn. Yes she was a big factor, but without her there it's like he could be his own character again. That was always my biggest gripe with s4-s5 brookenji. I couple should not be reduced to their partners, they need to be their own person too.

Yasammy you will always be famous. The two of them were absolutely wonderful this season. Their fight was so warranted and valid and I loved that both of them were right in some ways. It's never black and white and it's up to communication to resolve those issues. The two of them are just so in love, they are actual soulmates like I can't. No notes, I think their relationship is proof that you can balance a couple and the individual. Sammy has her problems, Yaz has her problems, and together they can be a mess, but that's what so wonderful about it. The scene with them after they got out of the van was generally so beautiful I LOVE THEM.

Darius "I was in love with Brooklynn" Bowman....I USED TO PRAY FOR TIME LIKE THESE?? When I tell you I screamed I mean it so bad, I almost fell out of my chair. I know a lot of people aren't a fan, and they think it reduces their friendship, but I disagree. I think Darius still would've been heartbroken, but this just adds a layer. I also love it cause it's just so messy, and I think that makes it feel more real. What do you do if you love your brothers ex? I have been a dinostar defender for years, and I think there's no deny how much they mean to each other. I know he said Brooklynn didn't replicate his feelings but until we see the scene I'm gonna deny that. I think she rejected him because she didn't want him to get hurt in her investigation, that or she doesn't want to hurt Kenji. Let me just say writers you have a chance to get this all back on track PLEASEEEEE do not mess it up I can't take the heartbreak again.

Ben and Darius' friendship was kinda the best thing ever and I wasn't expecting it at all? I know they've had a rocky relationship before but this was so playful and I loved it so much. The way they goofed around and got into trouble, the show couldn't handle them together all season I guess. I also love how tender it was. Ben was so patient with Darius and it was clear he only wanted the best for him. Darius was just as patient with Ben and he helped him through his little paranoia relapse. They were such a good time and a blast to watch like the amount of times the two of them had me busting out laughing was insane.

Sammy and Ben duo oh how I've missed you. Another one I really didn't expect but they were so lovely. I loved how much they messed around yet they also dropped everything to commit a few crimes. Ep five was full of them and I loved it so much. Also the way Sammy constantly defended Ben was so special to me, that girl knew how to throw a punch lmao. Nothing too crazy, but so welcome and sweet. Also the way Ben was terrorizing Sammy on the phone with Yaz, peak cinema.

MIGHT AS WELL KILL ME NOW KENJI AND DARIUS. WHY are they always fighting Kenji don't make me mad. I loved their relationship so much. The way Kenji was so angry at Darius and yet Darius held him so close while he had a breakdown? Might just kms. They friendship is so rocky and real and I love that. I also love how Kenji wasn't angry when Darius said he had feelings for Brooklynn. He just listened and the maturity they both have is insane. I'm terrified of Brooklynn coming back and causing a love triangle, but honestly I'd be fine if they all just stayed friends if that means these two end up alright. When the brothers brother >>>

Ben and Yaz bestfriendism back everyone cheered. The way they still call each other by their last names actually kinda tears me to pieces. I love how Ben offers advice to Yaz even if it's in his own silly way. They're both so gentle and yet so playful with each other I love. I love that Yaz just let's Ben go on his side quests like yeah he's got it. They didn't get that many scenes but I still love them so dearly anyways.

The return of the king, Sammy and Darius. I know they didn't get that much but they were always one of my fav limited screen time duos. The way they constantly comfort each other just pulls on the heartstrings. Like when they just hugged in the back of the van? And when Sammy raced to hug him again in the warehouse? Ohh I love them. And despite it all Darius trying his best to defend Sammy? Save me older sister-younger brother duo save me.

Kenji got very limited time with Sammy and Yaz and I can't wait to see more cause those just iconic duos, I also would love to see more of Darius and Yaz since they also didn't meet till the very end. I really hope S2 (I'm pretending like it's already confirmed) let's us see more of this, especially Kenji and Yaz please I've missed them so much.

Ohhhhh Ben and Kenji. Benji nation we're kinda so back, living off crumbs is better than living off nothing. Ok but in all seriousness their relationship is so sweet. Ben trying to make Kenji see reason in the beginning, then letting Kenji hold Bumpy's egg cause it was clear that's what he needed at the moment. Then Kenji helping Ben when he got hurt. It's clear they speak in actions, not words. I need more of them like actually I've missed my pookies so bad.

Lastly I wanna talk about Yaz, Sammy, and Ben with Brooklynn. Their flashbacks broke my heart, and it also showcased how different their love and grief for her was. THE FACT THAT WE FINALLY GOT B DUO AND IT'S AFTER SHE'S GONE...my heart shattered. I love how funny and chill they were, we were so robbed of this in jwcc I swear. It's also kinda sad because the implication that Ben introduced Brooklynn to dark jurassic which subsequently lead her down the path that got her "killed"...I'm done. Also the fact that they were so casual implies that Brooklynn would constantly visit him at college which is just so sweet? I can't stand them bye. Sammy casually having Brooklynns old jacket tells me Brooklynn used to come over a lot, perhaps more when they were younger. Also Sammy seemed shocked to go in that room so I might be reading into this too much, but I see it as maybe that was Brooklynns guest room at one point? I am also a firm believer that Sammy dyed her hair pink for Brooklynn. Like Ben, everything just felt so casual and therefore more heart aching. Sammy wants to pretend like she could open that door and Brooklynn would just be there, researching and chilling. I think Yaz's flashback with Brooklynn is the saddest. All these years later and Yaz still confides and trusts Brooklynn to help her through her struggles. It's hard to believe they used to fight so much. Brooklynn is so understanding and kind, and I also find it interesting that it appears that Brooklynn was the one that really kept up with all of them. She wanted to be there for them, and it makes her supposed death that much sadder.

Random things of note:

I have always been a Benjamin denier AND NOW THEY'RE JUST DROPPING THAT OUT OF NO WHERE?? I can't have anything fr. Whatever, I'm still on my Sammy is short for Samantha box sue me.

Bumpy being a mother is so silly goofy but I'm hear for it, just glad she's ok cause if they actually tried to kill her I would've had to intervene.

I really loved the way they let everyone show emotions this season. Like yes of course they showed emotions before, but this felt so much rawer and realer if that makes any sense. Literally all of them cried once throughout the season and I loved that. But not just that, they let them be frustrated, and angry, and happy, and everything in between. KEEP IT UP.

All of the dinosaurs looked amazing, but man the Allosaurus stole the show. Also I loved the white eye, it made us want to view the dinosaur as evil in a way, and I think that was good for putting us in Darius' shoes.

The flashback sequence with Darius and the Allosaurus was so wicked. The team knew how to kill a dramatic moment oh my lord. This is kinda related to the animation too but so many shots were so cinematic. LIKE LIGHTING AND BLOCKING IS BACK PEOPLE. Brooklynn's apartment was gorgeous, Sammy's ranch during the sunset was beautiful. The scene of the explosion behind the T. Rex was iconic. We're so back

I'm so in love with how this show handled grief and not only that, but grief in a group setting. I think this might one of the only pieces of media I've ever seen that really shows how messy found family can be, and that's ok. It's not supposed to perfect, it's only as good as they make it.

Kenji saying dad in Japanese after having that conversation with his father about not being able to speak it, and the implication that he might've learned that word to try and talk with his father? Someone kill me like actually.

Darius wearing yellow agai- [GUNSHOT]

I could go into the color theory with all of their outfits but I won't cause I'm trying to not go that insane (it's not going well)

Ben's fanny back going across his torso, Yaz's iconic bangs.

The fact that Sammy found the map implies that A. Brooklynn came over right before she died and after Darius' confession, and B. That despite everything she still wanted and needed to talk to him about something.

Microbangs lady was actually scary as hell. I really liked her though, she was menacing and interesting. And she clearly valued her relationship with the raptors, I hope we see more of her.

I'm kinda sus of Mateo but I think that's just the trauma of every adult always betraying them. Hope he was chill and we won't see him again pls.

Sammy being such a great fighter is so random but I love it so much?? Like yes let her kick ass in cowboy boots that's my girl.

Where is Darius' necklace? When did he stop wearing it? It is important to the plot or did the animators just find it unnecessary?

Closing thoughts:

Overall WHAT A SHOW!! I had kinda fallen out of love with this show because s4 and s5 were kinda eh. I've never stopped loving the characters though, so this show was like a dream come true. Finally an amazing story to support these amazing characters again.

The character relationships felt at an all time high and I'm so grateful. These characters literally feel like my family too it's kinda bad how much I'm attached. I just love how much they love each other.

The only thing that kinda confused me was the ending. Why did they have to get on the boat right then and there? Why did no one stop the boat before it left? I'm not sure but I'm very excited to find out.

And lastly surprise surprise Brooklynn is alive. Of course I'm happy to know, but I kinda don't like the circumstances. I thought she was gonna be kidnapped or something so there would be a valid reason why she wasn't reaching out. But she's free and is just choosing to hide from the crew, with a good reason I assume. I think this will make her reunion with them more bitter than sweet, but I did just say I love messy so I'm excited anyway.

Y'all my fault I know I have a habit of rambling and making essays but this is just too much fr. Whatever I LOVE TALKING ABOUT WHAT I LOVE LMAO.

[telehxhtrash]

I've got a couple thoughts about nen limits, & specifically how Gon's adult form and the restrictions left on him by it might work. It's been a while since I've read or watched the explanations of nen I'm going off so I may have a few things wrong but w/e. So in the yorknew city arc, theres a point at which Gon, & I think Killua and Leorio, ask Kurapika to put chains on them for the time being so they can have a power up against the troupe, Kurapika doesn't do that though and says if they've got the resolve putting a chain on them won't do much. During Knuckle's expliantion of how his ability works, which also serves as an explination about some of the mechanics of nen as a whole, he draws a line between your total nen reserves and how much nen you can put out at a given time. So from this I'd hypothesize that the majority of nen limits don't actually do anything to expand a person's nen capacity, but they allow someone to either use more nen at once or use it more precisely to achieve greater effect. Kurapika's binding chain I think is an example of the latter especially, the limits he put on the ability allowed him to pour more of his nen into the chain than normal, making it nearly unbreakable. Knuckle's APR on the other hand is an example of limits making an ability function more precisely, APR uses very little of knuckle's nen, but if it's able to fulfill all the conditions for it to activate it's able to use that little bit of nen to seal an opponents entire reserve. There are two main nen abilities with limits that are major exceptions to this hypothesis however, Gon's adult form and Emperor Time. Both those abilities give drastic power increases that I think can only really be explained with a temp rotaryincrease to the user's base reserves of nen. Both abilities are extremely wrapped up in the users personal trauma, and both shorten the users lifespan. So I'd hypothesize there's another kind of nen limit, one that allows someone to burn up their livespan & do irreparable damage to their body for a massive temporary increase in nen. Gon's adult form especially I might compare to hysterical strength, where someone in an extremely stressful situation can do a incredible things like lift cars, but often damage their own bodies doing so because they're exceeding the natural limits of their bodies. I think Gon scarified all of his life energy for a massive surge of nen power, part of which he used to transform his body & almost all of the rest of which he used to kill Pitou, (I also think it might not be coinicidental that the arc immediately afterwards introduces tsubara who's entire ability revolves around altering her body drastically). Kurapika burns up his life energy more slowly, which is both what's necessary to strike at the source of his trauma but also reflects the fact that his life for nen deal comes from years of pent up anger and low self worth rather than a single moment of extreme trauma. All that said, I think Nanika healed all the physical costs of Gon's ability, I think she gave him all the life he burned up back, so what's left of the nen vow is entirely psychological now. If Gon were to reawaken his nen now, then something bad probably would happen, but if he can overcome the things that compelled him to make the nen vow, his guilt at kite's death, his low self worth, his feeling that he deserves to be punished for not being able to save kite, I think he can safely reawaken his nen,

Damn this was a very interesting read thank you!! I’m honestly trash at theorizing about nen so I can’t add much to this, but I love how you compared Gon’s adult form to hysterical strength because it is what happened sadly.. I also do think Gon’s nen reserve is back, but that he still has to overcome his inner demons and take his time learning nen slowly. (however, and i know i say it all the time, but i really hope he doesn’t learn nen again because i love when togashi shits on power fantasies <3)

thank you for this!!! this was an interesting take!! 

[ganymedesclock]

Regarding Black Paladin Lance - I've seen a ton of really good theories foreshadowing it happening in some form, and it's something I definitely want to see! In the event that Shiro has to temporarily step down or w/e (Project Kuron??), I think having Lance as BP for a while would make since - Shiro confided in Lance about "not feeling like himself" so there's definitely room for bonding to the point where Shiro would nominate Lance to take his place... (1/2)

(2/2)...And while Keith was not a bad BP by any means (I still hold that it was a good experience for him to have, character growth-wise), I don't really want him to go back to that when he seemed to be actively miserable in that position (that could be combined with the stress of missing Shiro though). That being said, I'm still 100% for Shiro as BP lol (he fits the bill so well! He fistfought Zarkon for the black lion's trust!) Clockie, if BP Lance was to happen how would you want it to go?

Honestly, about what you said?

I think that Lance is ultimately meant for Blue. Blue is the place he fits, and again, it’s very thematically significant from where Lance started and what was shown to make him unhappy, that his unfulfilling position in the fighter class (“You’re only here because you’re the second-best, and we couldn’t get our first choice”) Blue is the one who chose him first- literally first out of the paladins, but out of a crowd of two geniuses, a hero, and the best pilot in his class... Blue only had eyes for Lance. 

As far as Black, though. I think Lance is gonna dance with Black for a while and learn something important about himself. And I think it could well happen as part of Shiro consciously being able to outmaneuver Haggar.

Honestly in my wildest dreams it goes both ways- and we’ll get a formation with Keith in Red, Hunk in Yellow, Pidge in Green... but Lance in Black and Shiro in Blue. And this being the temporary culmination in, effectively, Kuron as a bonding arc between Lance and Shiro.

Because both Lance and Shiro are holding the solution, power-wise, to one of the other’s biggest problems.

The Black Paladin is defined as a person of great force of personality and sense of self. Their ideals, their will, who they are as a person is the indestructible lever by which they will shift the world.

Lance struggles with, effectively, conviction in his sense of self. It makes sense given his rather amorphous emotional nature, but like... you can see how troubled he is by someone suggesting that they don’t think of him a way that he wants to think of himself. That’s the root of what bothered him in s2e10- Pidge never once necessarily doubted Lance’s competence, but Lance suggested a trait he had, Pidge questioned it, and Lance had this minor crisis of self-doubt, “Do I actually have that trait if someone else didn’t notice it?”

Lance tries to use his prodigious social connections to build himself because he kind of craves that vindication of having other people tell him what his qualities are. When he tries to choose and define himself, he wants people to agree with him. Conversely, after Shiro- someone whose opinion he respects- calls him a sharpshooter, Lance is positively preening over, “yes, absolutely, this is exactly a trait I have. It’s my thing.” and he repeats it again in s3e1.

Which, being fair- Lance’s social connections overwhelmingly do take pretty good care of him. But it would definitely strengthen Lance as a person to have confidence in himself whether or not he’s able to define it and feel validated by outside sources- that whoever or whatever he is, that’s an okay thing to be.

I think that’s why Black didn’t respond to Lance, but Red did. Because with Black, Lance, effectively, lacks conviction. He wanted Black to validate him, to do- well, exactly what Shiro did in s2e10. Give him the answer so he can feel good about it.

But Black is someone of rigid ideals who demands someone of the same. Black turned to Keith, instead, because Keith knew what he had to do even if he didn’t want to do it. Keith was certain- of his feelings, but also of what he felt was his duty.

Lance was not certain. Lance wanted Black to bring the certainty to the table.

But if there’s one thing Lance is always about, it’s connections. It’s taking care of people. And the Red Lion doesn’t value certainty that much- certainty comes easily to him, and he’s got no hesitation giving that clarity. What he really cares about is who’s gonna run headfirst to Keith’s defense- who’s gonna fight tooth and nail to serve and protect his team, and it’s the person who already took initiative, multiple times, to be there for a friend he can tell is having a bad time.

But even then, that doesn’t address the problem. That’s still a lesson Lance needs to learn, is conviction of self.

On Shiro’s end of things... Shiro from the start has had a personal demon bogging him down and complicating his recovery. We see this obviously illustrated a couple of times, but a big one is in episode s2e5.

Shiro fails to nurture himself. He’ll keep tapping from his own well to try and provide for others but if it runs dry, he’ll just take that silently to himself. He’d be the first person to tell any of the other paladins they can talk to him if anything’s troubling them- he actively tries to check up on Keith in s2e8- but Shiro always puts himself last.

And it’s not even the willful neglect, but that Shiro, simply refuses to look at his own vulnerability, and his own pain, with the compassionate eye he turns on his team. S2e10 and his interactions with Slav there and the following episode are actually really worrying if you consider that what Shiro’s doing is basically just internalizing his own self-talk. 

Especially his line about “so fluff a pillow or count your follicles or whatever”, because it betrays exactly how Shiro views his trauma and the emotional needs he has in healing.

Because when Shiro hits his limits- when he’s upset or scared or shaken up by something, the bedside manner he takes with himself is “well, sorry everyone, I guess we need to stop all of the important stuff we’re doing and go get the big dumb baby a big dumb security blanket, because he can’t keep his shit together for five minutes.”

In Shiro’s book, all of his hurt and anxiety- which are completely understandable natural things to feel experiencing what he had- are just failures in discipline, failures in control. It’s just him whining about nothing.

Blue Lion is thematically the heart of the team- she is the lover, and she is the nurturer. And if there’s one thing to say about Blue’s virtues, and Lance, it’s that Blue is also about self-love. Blue is not, as Shiro is, a vessel that pours and pours and pours without refilling itself.

In the beginning-of-episode scramble sequence in s1e2, nobody is more diametrically opposed than Lance and Shiro. Shiro, who’s already wearing his armor, who is awake and exercising, not sleeping when everybody else is at least in bed (and Shiro of course, never once implies he’s having bad dreams or trouble sleeping), who’s the first responder because of course, Princess, what do you need?

And Lance, who saunters in, completely late, with no idea what’s going on... but having lavishly taken care of himself. He’s feeling great, he’s incredibly comfortable, he’s literally sparkling.

And Blue deliberately holds out on Allura as long as Allura tries to keep their relationship distant and businesslike. What Blue asks of Allura isn’t to prove herself, or flatter Blue’s vanity with sweet words... it’s for Allura to open up emotionally. To say “I’m scared, I’m trapped, I don’t know what to do. I need help.”

As of s5e6, that’s the exact thread that Shiro opens to Lance with. Finally, finally, after suffering in silence all this time, after being vaguely dismissive about a “weird headache”, after gruffly sort of shrugging it off that he was apparently calling out to Lance and doesn’t remember it, Shiro breaks and says “I can’t go on like this. Something’s wrong.”

So I think it’d be really interesting if the ultimate destination this ends up is Shiro and Lance kind of taking a walk in each others’ shoes. A sort of educational exchange of virtues, that will benefit both of them. And that happening by not just Lance in Black... but Shiro taking Blue for a spin. (Which would also be a fun meta joke, because, y’know. In every other continuity Sven is associated with the Blue Lion, not the Black one)

So this is my poison of choice for Black Paladin Lance: Lance and Shiro switch Lions, have a lovely bonding experience, and then go home where they belong being better happier people because they understand themselves better.

[icypantherwrites]

(1/2) I'm sorry to hear that Color's final chapter feedback was so disappointing. I know it can feel awful when something you worked so hard on doesn't get attention like you want it to. I mean, getting feedback is one of the funnest things about being a writer/artist, so I get it. I'm preeetty late to the party, so I have yet to read it. I've been working up to it by reading all of your other stories and saving the best for last. If it means anything, you're definitely the most talented author

(2/2) I’ve come across. Your works really mean a lot to me, and, god, your writing is so good. I’ve loved every story so far, and I’m honestly so so excited to get to read Color. You insipre me so much, and you just deserve all the support. I wish I had more space because I could go on forever, but just know you’re amazing, and you are by far my favorite author. I wish you good luck on your future fics and your novel! I’ll still be here, reading everything ya got!

–

Well first off, thank you for such kind words ♥ That’s very sweet of you to say and I really appreciate it.  Thank you as well so much for all of the beautiful, beautiful art you’ve created for my fics; still have that one from Hope as my lockscreen ♥

And to the second part, thank you for your understanding (this may get long, apologies, apparently I have a lot to say at 0400 xD). Color was sort of my baby for just shy of a year and a half. While I’ve struggled some with the feedback to it at points (as it is hard to continue to write something so large and complicated when it doesn’t always feel like the support is there) I’ve always pushed it out week after week with really the only breaks being for new seasons or Christmas holidays last year. That’s… a little insane, to be honest. I’m still impressed with myself for managing. 

I’ve had to watch as many readers who used to comment regularly on the fic only pop in every couple months or disappear entirely and each time it happens it hurts; I feel like I’ve done something wrong, especially to the ones who upped and vanished and I still see them around site. I’ve had some lovely new regulars come in and I appreciate them so for helping to fill that hole.

But come Color’s finale… well >> I have still not yet seen many of those new regulars that I have come to really look forward to, my (vain) hope that I’d see some older readers return did not happen and not as many lurkers (of whom I know are there from hits and follows and other stats) as I thought would pop up did so. It was like throwing this giant party after months of planning and then not that many people showed up to celebrate with me. I’ve said this before but as much as I try to write for myself I write for others too and I do post solely for them.  

I’m trying not to come off a a weepy, drama-y, greedy sounding only in this for the comments person; that’s not what this is about. What it is is about showing appreciation. In regards to a fanfic it only takes a minute to leave even a short comment about the fic/chapter or even at the end just thanking the author for their time and efforts. I have poured… an un-quantifiable amount of time into Color (not to mention all of my other stories) as well as heart. Writing comes from within and especially for me where a lot of my fics are very emotion heavy and based. It can take a lot out of me but I do it because I want to share those feelings, my words and love being able to let others experience something, learn something, feel something. That’s what writing is all about. 

I’ve mentioned a few times by this point (either on tumblr or in author’s notes) that I’m starting to feel burnt out from both writing and this fandom and it’s getting harder to keep feeling inspired, motivated, to write. A large part of that does come from the comments (or lack of) but when I get a really nice one I feel buoyed again.  So when I put all of myself into something and by the end of this very long journey I’m thinking, given the following, that there’s going to be this show of love and appreciation and don’t get me wrong, I most definitely had some lovely comments from readers both new and old, but there were so many who didn’t show, whose attendance made me think more of “a good cliffhanger chapter” rather than the wrap-up to an 80 chapter fic. See party analogy above.

And for me, well, that was just the last little dying ember to my burnout. I’m just… sad. And that’s on me; those are my feelings. I can’t control what other people do or how they react or whether they want to leave a comment upon reading, be it Color or my army of shorter fics and oneshots. All I can do is try to explain why I feel this way and maybe one of those lurking readers, someone who has been silent or disappeared for a long time on my fic or any other story they’ve been a fan of, will see it and maybe be inclined to leave a comment, to show an author that yes, they do appreciate their efforts and this is why. 

All actions have consequences; it’s cause and effect. And in this case the effect from a lot of these things is me withdrawing. I don’t like feeling this way; sad and frustrated and disheartened. Fanfiction shouldn’t make me feel this way and yet here we are. I need a break and whether that means a temporary one or permanent I don’t know yet. I have to see how I feel with some space (or, well, as much as I get given my kiriban event that I am still committed to finishing) and distance. 

Pretty much what it all boils down to is just… respect one another. Appreciate one another. Show it; don’t assume the person knows. A thank you goes a long way. Give all creators your love; don’t just like a piece of artwork on Tumblr or kudo a fic on AO3. Reblog it, leave a comment, recommend it, etc. Make those creators feel appreciated and, surprise, you may very well see more content from them. 

Andddd if you made it all the way here, thanks for reading this very long post and thank you more for your understanding and above all, if you are one of those people who have made the effort to do so, thank you so so very much for your appreciation and love. ♥