#especially considering everyone hawke has lost!

[the-second-moon]

behold my beloved new child, catreus auratus hawke. "cat" to his parents. "rook" to everyone else. fake surname "mercar" for stealth.

(i.e., an attempt to craft a baby who somehow sprang from dorian and default male hawke. how does that work? magic. don't worry about it.)

i've only played the very start of da:tv..... twice, as it melted my old computer's insides on my first go........

so catreus is my second rook attempt, and he has enriched my experience in several ways:

after getting himself in trouble at home, "go stay with uncle varric until the heat on you dies down" makes a lot of sense for a baby hawke

my imagined "i get to hang out with uncle varric!" dynamic makes the opening part pretty cute :)

also "rook" really tracks as a varric nickname for a baby hawke, especially if his other dad saddled him with a pretentious tevinter name. you know varric's not saying all those syllables.

(ok look. listen. the chess piece explanation is a double meaning and/or just a clever varric obfuscation of the link to cat's famous dad. don't @ me.)

anyway i'm still very much processing how i feel about this game but i'm quite pleased with my son boy

[invader-reggie]

Unpopular opinion and maybe even controversial but I feel like most people really only hate EndHawks not because of the age gap like they say but because they just hate Endeavor. I think EndHawks would be less hated/more popular if Endeavor hadn't been such an asshole to his family. There are plenty of age gap ships like EndHawks but I've never seen people hate on it as viciously as they do with this. They just don't like that it's Endeavor.

The only real argument for EndHawks is the age gap.

DabiHawks isn't superior to EndHawks just because they're the same age or have a villain/hero dynamic.

I made this post because of the massive amount of EndHawks hate I've seen on Twitter especially by DabiHawks fans who claim EndHawks is a shitty ship and DabiHawks is better because "ew Endeavor is an abuser and ew age gap" and it's very difficult to enjoy EndHawks content without someone screaming about how much they hate the ship.

Realistically speaking, Dabi is more likely to abuse Hawks considering he is still a villain who has murdered plenty of people and having trauma doesn't mean he is a good person or that his actions can be excused. Dabi is drowning in his hate and isn't trying to move on or seek help. He only wants revenge. Dabi will not let go of his hate for Endeavor just because Hawks admires him and Hawks won't viciously hate or want to kill Endeavor just because Dabi hates him.

1) EndHawks is a proship because Hawks admired Endeavor as a kid so it's a father son dynamic.

That's wrong. That's based on your own opinions rather than actual fact. There's nothing wrong with seeing EndHawks as a father son relationship but it can also be interpreted as Hawks having a childhood crush on Endeavor and then developing real feelings for him after getting to know him as coworkers. Personally I don't see them having a father son dynamic, it feels like more of a co workers to friends relationship with an older man who's never made a joke in his life/younger man who annoys the older one into being his friend dynamic.

Their dynamic reminds me of the two guys from beyond evil with the older guy being a flirty conversationalist that everyone likes and the younger guy being a stoic, stick in the mud who's annoyed by the older one's antics. That ship is very well liked despite the age gap because of the chemistry and dynamic that they have.

2) Endeavor is an abuser and the ship is toxic

Also wrong. I mean Endeavor was definitely an abuser, but claiming he'd abuse Hawks is stupid. Endeavor's whole arc is him coming to terms with how much of a shitty person he is and attempting to atone for his mistakes. Also he and Hawks clearly have relationship development considering Endeavor lost his arm to save Hawks and the others so idk why people think he'd abuse him.

To add to that, canonically speaking, DabiHawks would be the toxic ship. Dabi very clearly burned Hawks and mutilated him in the show, they also don't trust each other (obviously), very obvious evidence pointing to this being a toxic ship whereas EndHawks being toxic is based on people's own opinions of Endeavor.

4) Hawks would hate Endeavor after knowing he's an abuser

He... doesn't. While we don't get much on Hawks' thoughts about this. He very clearly does not hate Endeavor. I believe it's because since he's been by Endeavor's side and gotten to know him, he's seen how Endeavor is trying to be a better person to his family, and from Hawks' pov, his own father never tried to be better, never tried to atone for his mistakes. For EndHawks, Hawks wouldn't leave Endeavor's side because he gets it. His own father never tried to be better, but Endeavor is trying for his family and Hawks believes that he's striving to be a better person than he was before. Also Hawks isn't a child, his entire view of Endeavor won't shatter just because he turned out to be not as good of a person as Hawks thought he would be (Like how a child's would). Hawks is an adult who understands that things aren't as black and white. Hawks has killed a person too, and has struggled with that. He's seen how Endeavor is struggling and his guilt over Dabi because of how he treated him as a child. So no Hawks doesn't hate Endeavor.

4) Age Gap

This is valid tbh. I respect people's opinion on this because actual age gaps like this isn't everyone's cup of tea. I enjoy age gaps. I enjoy mjjw from SFH (jongwoo is in his 20s and people headcanon moonjo to be in his 40s). I enjoy the ship from beyond evil which also has an obvious age gap (again the guy is in his 20s and the older one is atleast in his 40s). I enjoy EraserMight too (I love their dynamic). I simply enjoy age gaps where the younger is atleast 23+ and the older is below 50 (depends on the younger person's age tho cos if they're in their 30s then it's okay if the older person is around 50 to 60) I especially enjoy queer age gaps where the younger is absolutely feral for the older while the older one has a late sexuality crisis and/or struggles with their attraction because they believe the younger deserves someone their own age and shouldn't waste their life being with someone like them. But I get that not everyone enjoys that.

What's annoying is the people infantalising Hawks. Yeah he's young, but he's not a child nor is he a teenager. He's a 23 year old pro hero who is incredibly smart and works as a spy infiltrating the LOV. He's not a child. He is very clearly an adult and acts like an adult. Endeavor doesn't treat him like a child nor does Hawks treat him like a father. They very clearly grow to be friends and have a shippable dynamic (opposites attract, grumpy x sunshine, likes to annoy/pretends they're annoyed but actually don't mind it)

I also have rules on good age gaps which is

1] The older person has never known the younger person since they were a child.

2] The younger person is atleast 23+

3] They aren't established as a parent/child dynamic

EndHawks fits all three so while you can absolutely dislike EndHawks, just don't try to claim DabiHawks is "Better" and bother EndHawks shippers because no... no it isn't. You can absolutely ship DabiHawks because I believe in ship and let ship and also because ships don't have to be healthy or canonically make sense, but saying EndHawks is more toxic than DabiHawks is very laughable. Dabi and Hawks being around the same age means nothing and does not make them the "better" ship when EndHawks canonically have a healthier relationship with each other than DabiHawks ever will.

This isn't DabiHawks hate just to be clear. Personally I don't ship it because I prefer ShigaDabi/EndHawks more. Also because alot of DabiHawks fanfiction has Endeavor bashing (no redemption arc, no complexity, is just a complete asshole) and ooc Hawks (no Hawks would not plot to kill Endeavor/hate him just because Dabi gave his sob story, especially since Hawks has seen how Endeavor is trying).

If you dont agree then I'd love to hear your opinions on why EndHawks is a bad ship without the age gap reasoning.

[fereldanwench]

Some thoughts on ~*playing an asshole*~ and other related topics:

I've seen a post cross my dash a couple of times saying playing a kind hero has been very welcome in today's current climate--This isn't meant to be a vagueblog at all, and I even considered replying directly to that post, but it seemed like it was a very personal reflection. I really don't want to come across as trying to contradict that experience because I don't think it's a wrong experience to have.

Especially since I actually remember having a similar response to Ryder and Andromeda back in 2017. It came out about a year and a half after my mother-in-law passed away, while I was working insane overtime hours, and a few months into Tr*mp's first term--I found the optimism in Andromeda and the routes I could take with my Ryder's personality to be exactly what I needed during a really rough time.

So I get it, I really do, and I don't think anyone is wrong for feeling validated by Veilguard's optimism.

But that post did make me realize some of the reasons I personally have had such a hard time connecting to any of the Rooks I've made: I really lost my sense of self and reverted in a lot of ways back to people-pleasing* over the past few years, and it's really only been the past year that I've felt like I'm coming out of that. Because of this, many of Rook's responses in dialogue, often regardless of tone (although "crossed arms" options mitigate this some), reminded me of how I am when I want to be on my very bestest behavior, even to my own detriment.

It's my work persona, the "customer service voice," trying to keep everyone happy and at their best regardless of my own needs because if I see anyone crack, that feels like a reflection on me and my failures. But I'm not really being genuine. This isn't to say that I want to be a full-blown asshole to anyone IRL--I rarely do unless they're being a raging asshole first. But this kindness is armor born of self-defense. It is not kindness for the sake of kindness.

(*Because I know this will get mentioned if I don't mention it: Yes, I did appreciate Harding's observations about her own people-pleasing tendencies, but this is about Rook, not Harding.)

I want to pick apart the whole "be an asshole" line, too (just in general, not directed at anyone specifically)--I do recall seeing folks use that expression to describe their own wants in the game, but I kiiinda feel like it's starting to be used in bad faith, as shorthand for anyone who just wants to play a character with more bite to them. Being assertive or stoic or stubborn or direct or confident doesn't inherently make someone an asshole. But even these aren't really character traits that Rook can really claim without a lot of headcanoning.

(And tbf, Veilguard isn't unique in this regard--I always found the dialogue options for the Inquisitor to pale in comparison to Hawke or the Warden. (And I know some people feel like Hawke pales in comparison to the Warden so you know. All of this is one big YMMV.) But I still felt like I could more organically craft a personality in Inquisitor than I can in Veilguard.)

I will also say, though, that I see absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to play "an asshole," and I also find it to be a bad-faith read to assume anyone who wants to be "edgier" in an RPG is harboring some secret desire to hard people in the real world. In 2018, after a lot of my grief and fear had shifted into anger, playing a ruthless Renegade FemShep was goddamn therapeutic for me. I had a lot of pent-up rage, and it was so cathartic to channel that into this no-nonsense woman who saw what needed to be done and would get it done no matter the cost in a completely safe fictional environment where no one actually gets hurt.

Anyway, there's more I could delve into on this topic, but I think I'll save some of my other thoughts for quieter spaces. I was having a hard time pinpointing what was keeping me from getting invested in my Rooks, and this was kind of an epiphany this morning so I wanted to brain dump.

[thatwavephenomenon]

The concept of Inquisitor Anders (and Justice) is so special to me actually. Everyone agree that everything the "regular" Inquisitor goes through/accomplishes is already mind-blowing. But for Anders to be the Inquisitor? The stakes would be even more impossible.

Anders thought he was going to die for what he had done, but Hawke spared him. After that he has to go on with no plan whatsoever, as best as he can while on the run as one of the most wanted man in Thedas. The only thing that is clear to him is that he has to keep helping the mage rebellion until he is either caught and killed, or until his Calling. All he has is borrowed time. So even as a fugitive, Anders' story is likely already written and over.

And then the Conclave happens, and Anders not only has his eyes glow blue sometimes, but he now has an occasionally green glowy hand as well.

So here he is, Anders the apostate, Anders the Kirkwall Chantry criminal, who has nothing but with *everything* to prove.

Remember. This is the man that gave everything that he had, everything he was to his cause. He fought for *years* in Kirkwall with his clinic, his manifesto, with the Mages Underground and still things worsened, with barely anyone listening to him until he blew the Chantry up. And now he has to convince everyone that he isn't responsible for the explosion at the Conclave? Right, as if his track record would permit that. How could he possibly be able to close the breach in the sky when he was the one who started the war between the templars and the mages in the first place?

The regular Inquisitor already has trouble proving themselves trustworthy at the beginning of DAI, so imagine it now with Anders. People would literally be out for blood. The Chantry would not only discredit the Inquisition as heretics, it would call for his immediate dissolution/destruction. Anders would also try to help all the refugees just like before in Kirkwall, while being the very reason these people lost so much in the first place this time.

Now on to the advisors and companions. How would Leliana, who also walk the path of violence for her cause, who is pro-mages but also had great faith in Justinia, interact with Anders? Even if Cullen has left the templars, could he and Anders even manage to cooperate after everything? Especially considering that Cullen was Meredith's second and the one who dismantled Anders' Mages Underground? How would Josephine and Anders work together to promote their cause, with how Anders must regard nobility after living in Darktown for years or after watching Kirkwall nobles interact with Hawke?

After investigating what happened in Kirkwall, Cassandra would probably be more than wary of Anders. But at the same time in DAI she is among the first ones to believe that the character must be the Herald of Andraste. I imagine that Cassandra would be particularly conflicted on how to treat Anders because of this.

Varric. Anders was his friend. Anders is the one who set Kirkwall on fire. For all that they know each other, things would probably still be tense between them at first. Varric also followed Hawke to see him rise from having barely anything to his name to becoming the Champion of Kirkwall. What would he think about Anders, a companion of the initial protagonist (or even protagonists, if you take into account DA Awakening), when he's now taking a path that seems to lead him towards becoming so much more? Especially considering that in DAI Varric struggles with how to perceive the Inquisitor, having to juggle between seeing the character as his friend (if you have a good relationship with him) and seeing them as an icon, the Herald of Andraste.

Anders and Vivienne would absolutely despise each other and their snark matches would be the stuff of legends. The only reason those two could even work together is if they agree that closing the breach takes priority over everything else.

I imagine that Anders, Justice and Solas would have some interesting conversations about spirits and the Fade while also butting heads on a lot of things. Both would be convinced that they are the authority on these subjects. But perhaps they would learn to eventually concede on some things with time.

I think Sera would really like Anders for his continued dedication towards helping people and his insistance to give up what he has for others. Sera's fear of magic and Anders absolute pro-mages stance would definitely cause more than one row between them however. Not to mention Justice. Their relationship would be one of the most interesting there in my opinion.

Blackwall would also be another greatly interesting character to watch interact with Inquisitor Anders. Anders would be able to tell that Blackwall is bullshitting about being a Warden from the get-go, because he was one and can sense the taint. Those two would definitely have some interesting debates on justice (and with Justice), or talks about how to go on and do good after having committed an atrocious crime. Blackwall's admiration for the Grey Wardens versus Anders "Oh yeah, I was a Warden once, then I just quit" attitude would also result in some great banters I'm sure.

Anders would say to Iron Bull that he is very different from all the other Qunaris that were in Kirkwall, though I don't know how that conversation would go. Iron Bull would also definitely be afraid of Justice. I can see him adressing the question/problem of Anders being an "abomination" quite directly, because he is not comfortable with spirits/demons that are capable of taking over someone's mind, and Anders is a living proof of that fear. Despite this, I like to imagine that Justice would actually grow to respect the Iron Bull in some parts after hearing the Chargers' stories about him and seeing how protective of them Iron Bull is.

Despite their different upbringings, I think Dorian would somewhat remind Anders of himself when we was younger/before he merged with Justice. If Hawke isn't a mage, I can imagine Anders' relief and joy about finally being able to talk to someone about magic normally and openly. They would have conversations about Tevinter, politics, etc. In DAI, the Inquisitor can inspire Dorian and support him in his fight to change Tevinter. With Anders as the Inquisitor, this aspiration for social changes could be even more relevant.

Cole and Anders/Justice interactions would be another cool thing to see. Justice would recognize Cole as a spirit of Compassion right away. Despite their differences as spirits, I could see Justice becoming quite protective of Cole and defending him against people like Cassandra or Vivienne, having an unfortonate amount of experience being treated as a "demon" or "abomination". Cole would also try to help Anders with his guilt of course.

Discovering that Corypheus is their enemy would be less of a "oh it's him again/oh okay this is the villain" moment and become a lot more personal, with the worry that Anders could fall under his control if he is not strong enough.

Meeting Hawke once again in Skyhold would be An Event for sure, espeeecially if Hawke and Anders were (are?) in a romance. I'm letting everyone imagine how that would go with their own Hawke here.

And The Choice in the Fade, you know the one, would be even more heart-wrenching. Particularly if the Warden is someone that Anders knows, like Nathaniel Howe or even the Hero of Ferelden/Warden-Commander.

Bonus: Anders could also meet Fenris by chance during a mission to eliminate some Venatori.

Anyways. I really like the idea of Inquisitor Anders, yes.

[post-punk-revival]

you lifted up my rock and now I have to make a pinned post

About:

This isn't an alterhuman/otherkin blog. It definitely used to be but this has been a personal main (that happens to be run by a nonhuman plural system) for a while now, so alterhumanity is on the list of things we post about frequently just because it's part of our lives. We probably post more about music and antipsychiatry and the biologist from Jeff Vandermeer's Annihilation (due to being normal), I'm a "we" and we're not human but I'm not here to "participate" "in" "community."

This means: We have a lot of interests and zero sideblogs. There's something here for everyone. There's also everything here for no-one. Consider yourself warned

I don't think of myself by any particular name or even really as having one, so anything I call myself or list anywhere are just provided options. Myriad (plural) and Ekho (singular) are safe bets. I go by a few different names and change/add too often to carve anything into stone. You can also call me whatever your heart desires and if I like it I'll keep it

Switching mid-sentence between "me" and "us" for self-referral all the time is normal

This is not an NSFW blog and I am not a big NSFW poster so it's not 18+ only here HOWEVER I myself am farther and farther from 21 with each passing moment and once in a blue moon I may post things under 18+ community labels. If you're a minor it is YOUR responsibility to make sure you gave Tumblr your actual age so you don't see those posts, NOT ours to sift through hundreds of followers checking bios and blocking every one where we can't find a number higher than 18

I'm pretentious in all trades and a college graduate in none. I have trite opinions on erudite subjects. If I start having erudite opinions on trite subjects, take me out back and put me down, I'm sick.

I post bugs. We post bug photos and up-close bug photos. We don't tag them "tw bugs". We definitely don't tag them "horror." No matter what species you think should be the exception. Not even spiders. Especially not centipedes. I am literally a bug and this is a neutral and maybe even cool good thing. I will block you if you call me, photos of my species, or posts about my identity "graphic" or "body horror" and I'm not joking.

FAQ: "What is fictionflickering" See here. "I have something mean to say to you" Yay 💖 "I have something nice to say to you" Setting my self on fire ok "I have something nice to say about your art/writing" That's even more me than I am, haven't I suffered enough "I've decided you're not actually (x) for (y) reason" Duly noted, fragmentizing you

I change drastically a lot. It's normal for us. Don't worry about it. I try not to!

Manic-psychotically not a human. Red-tailed hawk, house centipede, phantasmagorical raven, disordered raccoon, montane wolverine, possibly other things, biological creature that used to not be. Physiologically: not quite anything on its own, actually. Psychologically: a lot of things. Perpetually: figuring things out. If you want to know, you can ask. For followers not familiar with either alterhumanity or schizospectrum conditions: "clinical lycanthropy" is an acceptable starting point.

Favorite hobbies include getting lost in the woods, bastardizing aphorisms, becoming the very thing I sought to destroy, destroying the very thing I sought to become, romanticizing the tormentuous, metaphorizing the objective, and iNaturalist :>

Audiophagic arthropod, ichthyopathic carnivore, birdthing, feathered quadruped, flesh-cento, frequently fictional, former ghost, satellite that came back wrong, capable of passing the Turing test on a good day, homesick for Europa on a bad one, enjoys becoming concepts, alleged "complicator," undiscovered deep sea invertebrate falling in love with the sky. Constant process of esotericizing.

פֿון טײַך ביזן ים װעט פּאַלעסטינע פֿרײַ זײַן

Current blog title: quote by Alan Watts

Current banner is "The Most Unwanted Painting" by Komar and Melamid, part of a satirical series of paintings and songs based on poll results of what people liked and didn't like to see in their art; most people polled disapproved of abstract or modern art.

Current PFP is by yours tuly (I forget to update this part a lot, this may be outdated)

We've also been: swiftfoxn (Nov 2020–Nov 2021) → novachaim (Nov 2021–Feb 2022) → technodance (for like a week) → chrysochus (Feb 2022–Aug 2022) → hraefngeyst (Aug 2022–Feb 2023) → a8c3bc (Feb 2023–May 2023) → stillflight (May 2023–Jun 2024) → myriadeyed (Jan 2024–Oct 2024 <3) → fallingsatellive (Oct 2024–Dec 2024) → radiocmyk (Dec 2024–Jan 2025) → post-punk-revival → ???

"LOVE THIS PLACE OR IT WILL KEEP YOU"

[themculibrary]

Clint Barton & Kate Bishop (2) Masterlist

part one

always there to break my fall (ao3) - callie_caje G, 1k

Summary: Kate has had a pretty garbage week after learning that her Mother would be going to jail and is unsure of what to do next when Clint shows up and helps calm her down.

A Simple Touch (ao3) - Caiti (Caitriona_3) G, 1k

Summary: Kate had been nervous about barging in on the Barton family Christmas, but a quiet conversation with Clint definitely helps.

Grill your way to victory (ao3) - StarflameInTheSky G, 1k

Summary: The Avengers take a rare break from saving the world to gather for a rooftop barbecue at Avengers Tower. Clint is the grill master, Kate is sick of it and the rest ate just there for the party

Hit Me Hard (And Soft) (ao3) - starryeyedbucky (ghostboywonder) T, 3k

Summary: Of all the things Kate Bishop expected to see when she walked into Clint’s apartment on a Saturday morning, it wasn’t this – Hawkeye himself, lying face down in a pool of vomit.

In My Defence (ao3) - inkinmyheartandonthepage G, 1k

Summary: Kate and Peter are having some summer fun and forget to let Tony and Clint know.

On the Shelf (ao3) - Webtrinsic G, 1k

Summary: It’s nearly the first Christmas after the battle of New York, and all little Kate Bishop sees is a wall of half-priced Hawkeye figures, hers for the taking.

Passing The Mantle (ao3) - Thorkyrie77 clint/laura, clint/ofc G, 16k

Summary: Hawkeye has finally retired. sorta. Clint Barton passed on the mantle of Hawkeye to his adopted daughter and pupil Kate Bishop. its up to Kate to go solo, find her own path and meet a few familiar enemies along the way. but Clints always ready to step in if he gets the call. especially when another threat meets his family.

Red Post-Its (ao3) - Ofibooks yelena/kate G, 67k

Summary: Kate Bishop isn't dumb. She knows there's someone messing with her and living rent free in her apartment without even bothering to tell her, but she is too sore and tired to care whether whatever is going on is due to her being haunted, sleepwalking, or a blonde assassin who likes to play with her mind. Until she finds a red post-it.

Shot Reverse Shot (ao3) - Greyspaces13 T, 7k

Summary: Kate Bishop does not want a protege. Maybe in a decade or so, when her joints start to stiffen. But at twenty-seven, she doesn’t think she’s quite adult enough to adult someone else.

Much less this someone else.

Spider-Man: Christmas with Two Hawks (ao3) - KarmaSpidr kate/peter G, 48k

Summary: Peter is alone. He lost everyone. But maybe after meeting a soon-to-be hero at a steak out-turn raid, that might change. After all, no one should have to spend Christmas alone, and two Hawks and a mafia should be enough company... right?

the strays (ao3) - oopshenangians clint/laura G, 661

Summary: Clint Barton doesn't expect to see the death of someone he once considered a friend, someone he once took under his wing, on the news. Then again, he always manages to lose a stray.

But not Kate.

warm (ao3) - gaymess yelena/kate E, 177k

Summary: Kate doesn't know when 'Kate Bishop' becomes a term of endearment in their friendship, but she's not willing to question it.

As long as it means that Yelena is here to stay, Kate is more than happy to hear her call her by her full name for the rest of their lives.

We're home (ao3) - Bonaxie G, 1k

Summary: Kate and Clint come home late at night after a mission. But there’s a good greeting committee, so it’s okay.

when the bough breaks (ao3) - polarkai yelena/kate, bucky/natasha E, 101k

Summary: Kate had the whole night planned out. They’d have dinner first, then drinks at the same bar where they had their first date. As soon as they returned home, Kate would pop the question. It was all going to be perfect, and hopefully, they’d end the night engaged.

The night went a bit differently than expected.

You've Got No Reason To Be Afraid (ao3) - Certifieddrywalleater T, 865

Summary: Kate realizes something when Clint saves her from the tracksuit mafia

[anarchivalsystem]

We keep worrying that we're just being lazy or that our depression is acting up because we haven't been able to do much more than go to work & sleep lately. It's been... Frustrating.

But we did just accept a promotion we start training for sometime in May, as well as having one of our coworkers just walk out on his shift, quitting & putting all of us at at least 50hrs a week for the next few weeks. So we work for 10ish hours, walk home, spend maybe a couple of hours with the partner system, then sleep & do it again. Our disabilities have also been getting worse. Our back hurts more often than not thanks to the scoliosis, & so many of our mental issues come with chronic fatigue.

When we have energy, though, we have so much of it... Makes recognizing we actually do suffer from these issues harder, especially when things like our neotenism contributed to all this kind of just. Hitting us like a truck in the last 2 years after so many of what felt like limitless energy. It's hard.

Makes sense why so many of us who lost our Quirks in canon wound up here before we even knew that was a thing that happened to anyone in the series. Same for the chronic pain-havers & mood boosters, I guess.

It's just... Exhausting. Not being able to do anything I love. Barely able to write, haven't picked up a pen to draw in at least a week... It's just getting more & more exhausting. Partner system being here & the roomies getting excited about planning our wedding(!) has been the only things keeping the exhaustion from actually slipping into depression. I don't know what to do. I miss writing. I miss drawing. I miss games. I've been playing SDV mostly because I can pick it up & put it down quickly at work but if I play it for more than like. 10 minutes I start actively falling asleep. -Deku

We need to get my meds back in order. We've been off T since we lost our apt & now that we're safely housed I need to get us all back on it. Then I can get my update appt with my primary & get my ADHD meds back in order. Been on half my normal dose because the system thought it was exacerbating our anxiety. Turns out it was a reaction to pending homelessness & having our shitty ex-landlords breathing down our necks, who knew? We lived without hot water for over a year so even basic self-maintenance is a learning curve again because cold showers physically hurt the body.

Christ. No wonder we've had so many splits recently. It felt excessive, even for a fixation as long & deep-running as BNHA - so many of us are here we've practically made our own area in headspace. Apparently it's like the dorms the others stayed in foe a while; I wouldn't know. I've been handling our work shifts in the background with Hawks & neither of us are particularly artistic so less drawing at work makes sense. His demeanor has been helping me manage my own issues too, for the most part, but I do worry my presence & lack of general connection with creative pursuits in general are contributing to the issue. I prefer to read, & we don't really have anything to fill that void at present. We've caught up on every book series we were working through. I'll have to look into that.

Katsura forming has also taken a toll on the overall mental health, I believe. We are too uncomfortable to finish her source material but also desperately want to, if only to give her the closure she deserves (we know the ending isn't happy but we relish knowing that prick at least dies horribly), & she is terrified of just about everyone in both systems. Considering it's been a combination of yandere-oriented & BNHA introjects fronting/active lately I don't exactly blame her. We just haven't had anyone struggle this hard with appearing in... years. Since [redacted] in 2022, I'd say? Even people like myself, or Bojack coming out of dormancy, have settled in relatively easily. It's been giving the body chronic migraines again.

I just hope we figure something our soon. I'd like a break from background control & even our usual gatekeepers haven't been able to take it back. I'm not upset per se, just tired. That seems to be the word on loop whether we get sleep or not.

Tired.

Having the partner system to take care of has helped a lot. Especially with... Christ I didn't even mention the fucking gastroparesis. We fainted at work because eating has been so hard. In front of a fucking customer. Embarrassing. ...Going to go smoke & try to eat the food partner system was kind enough to bring us. - Chisaki

[felassan]

A few more snippets of interest and insight from Mark Darrah, from an older Mark Darrah on Games YouTube video where he was livestreaming playing Dragon Age: Origins some months ago -

Chat said "I would love to see Shale again, but I'm not counting on it." Mark replied "Shale is quantum."

"I don't think we'll ever see broodmothers again. People trapped in statues, sure, I could see that. Desire demons would definitely get a redesign if they ever came back for sure. You could do something like the Fear demon in DA:I where it sort've, you could do it in conversation where it looks like something different to everybody. That might be an interesting approach. Yeah, or Desire demons mirroring the player character's romance, if you had a romance then you'd know what would work with the character."

"I don't think the character artists are happy with the sort've giant bulldog look of mabari. I think if we got mabari again it would be [inaudible]".

"My original plan for Joplin was to make a toolset, find a talented group of people and essentially uplift them into an indie studio and help them make a remake of DA:O. So if that had been the case, the combat would have been much more modern. If you were to Deadspace[-style remake] it, I don't know what you'd do, because remaking DA:O with modern graphics and tac cam would be expensive. If you go to a remaster you could just up-res all the textures and call it a day, that's the easy one, it's easy to see what you'd do with that. If you're doing a remake I'm not sure where you land. Like do you go more action RPG? DA:O was considered an action RPG in its day."

Chat asked "Is there a plan to include any of the old main player characters in the next games?" Mark replied, "The problem with the Hero of Ferelden appearing in future games is they don't have a voice and everyone else has a voice now, and they could very well be dead. So it's sort of a difficult one. It was discussed for DA:I when you're in the Fade, but. If you're gonna bring them back you gotta figure out what to do, it could be done. Bringing them back now, I think what you would do is make it so that, 'surprise! they're still alive' and they are mute now because of something to do with the Blight. I mean you're kind of retconning that in, but you could 'a wizard did it' into making them mute. The other thing would be, their appearance is definitely lost, so you would have to recreate them. But that's already been done, we did that with Hawke."

Chat commented around this point, "Same problem with DA:D and the Inquisitor, but it would be weird if they didn't have any role at all." Mark said, "With the Inquisitor, at least you can just assume that the events of Trespasser happened whether they played it or not. So they have no arm."

"The Dead Space remake is designed to feel like the original, not be the original. I don't know that you can do that with DA. You can remaster, in which case it is the original, just pretty. You can remake, but I think remaking and making it feel like the original isn't really possible. So if you make a remake it's more likely to feel like DA:I or like whatever DA:D ends up feeling like, more than it is to feel like DA:O. One of the reasons why it hasn't happened is, Mass Effect is like, if you find a partner that knows how to do Unreal, and there's a million of them, then you know what you need to do. It's on early Unreal 4, especially ME1, so it needs to be updated, so you need to touch a bunch of stuff and find stuff that's been lost. You know the best version of the combat, so you update everything to that. With DA:O it's like you could just up-res the textures, but first of all there's no partners out there, basically, that know how to use Eclipse. The pitch was to take DA:O and DAII and you basically remake them in Frostbite and you make the 'Champions Trilogy', you retcon it into a trilogy. Like it's three different player characters, 'this is their rises', and you remake it."

"There was some appetite after Joplin was gone, there became some appetite for releasing the toolset for Frostbite, but the two things didn't line up."

"I like Absolution, I feel like it could have used one or two more episodes but you know, I get why it didn't get that. Oh yeah, it's definitely a love letter [to DA]. I can't imagine someone watching Absolution if they didn't know anything about DA and it making a ton of sense, because it's talking about an 'Inquisition' as if they're the good guys, and the Tevinter Imperium isn't really set up as being that bad until it suddenly is really bad, so I think you kinda need to know what's going on coming in. Netflix is kind've throwing a lot of things at the wall to figure out what works. Disney is eating their lunch and Disney controls all the IPs." Chat here said "The sad thing is Netflix is notorious for cancelling things that are loved." Mark said "It's possible that Absolution was relatively cheap, but Netflix's track record is, that unless it was very cheap, I can't imagine us [inaudible]. I don't know the numbers on Absolution. I mean they set it up to make it so they could do a second season, but yeah, I don't know if they were."

"Absolution would have been a relatively cheap show but that doesn't, so like that's the weird thing, Netflix will do multiple seasons of things. It's like a cost-benefit analysis. Something with lower ratings that was cheap enough could get a second season versus something that was really popular but cost a lot could get cancelled. Absolution was pretty cheap, but I don't know if it was cheap enough."

[source]

He also talked more generally about DA:O and the franchise and things in general. These bits are collected under a cut due to length -

[During Witch Hunt DLC when talking to Sandal] "Interesting that Dagna's not here in the Circle Tower. Would have been a good opportunity. Someone forgot"

"I feel like Ariane's personality is a bit inconsistent"

[when ambient dialogue in the Tower references the refugee camp at Kirkwall] "Definitely starting to lay the foundation for DAII"

Chat said "Shale having thoughts on the Titans would be interesting". Mark replied "I mean they're just a dwarf, so they wouldn't necessarily know anything, but maybe they picked some knowledge up from the transition"

Chat asked "How do you feel about mods that allow players infinite retrains for stats?" Mark replied "I think these days, infinite retraining is not a bad thing. Probably don't wanna be able to do it in the middle of a level because then you can trivialize encounters"

[at the Witch Hunt veil tears] "So unlike in DA:I, you can just punch veil tears to death here." Mark then mentions that this doesn't really make sense

"You can see that Witch Hunt had a low budget for character art"

Chat said "So how does looking into the future work in DA?" Mark replied "I think seeing the future is sort've like, ripples coming back in the Fade, is how it's presented"

"It's weird that darkspawn emissaries are called 'emissaries' if they can't talk. Sort've an odd choice of name." Chat mentioned here that in the related codex, hurlock alphas spoke. Mark said "Yeah, it's a bit inconsistent, because I'm pretty sure that even in DA:O there's an implication of speaking darkspawn, and then in Awakening everyone is like, omg, speaking darkspawn?"

"Trusting the Architect, probably not a good idea"

Chat asked "Why do some people think the DA world and the ME world are in the same universe? What do you think about it?" Mark said "People think that because they just like joining things like they like together. I guess there is a krogan head in DA:O and there's an ogre on the wall in ME. Cole references ME characters and events, but he also references irl movies from the 80s"

"Witch Hunt is balanced to be able to play it after base game DA:O or after Awakening"

"PEGI and ESRB ratings used to matter a lot because stores like Walmart for example wouldn't carry anything with an M rating. That's not true anymore. There was also a time when T rated games sold worse than M rated games because teenagers didn't wanna buy T rated games because they thought they were kiddie"

Chat said "In hindsight, do you think it was a good idea to have this many fleshed out different origins? They really made the game unique and replayable, but no other games are doing it." Mark replied, "It's incredibly expensive. Having origins like this, you need to do tutorials six times, it's brutal. So I think it's kind've, if you could do it for free I think it's great because it lets you see, set the setting up from a bunch of different places. But as a general content thing it's a lot of extra work. If you wanted to do it what I would actually suggest would be something where you start with, somehow have a common beginning place, and then either flashback to the origins, or do a mission in the middle which was unique to each of your origins. So if you are playing, like if you imagine you started in Ostagar, but then did a flashback to your individual origin, how you got to Ostagar, but then it was after the tutorial, so at least you're not six timing all of the tutorials. Maybe"

"DA:O has a lot more custom levels than following games just because of the workflows"

"I don't know why you're chasing Morrigan down in Witch Hunt if you didn't have a baby or romance with her or she didn't have the OG baby. It's a bit weird, your motivation for it is a bit loose. The hook is a little weak if the OGB doesn't exist"

"DA:O combat feels like an MMO, through a modern lens. Bits of the story have aged really badly, but otherwise the story holds up well"

"Stroud is there in DA:I because he's the only one for sure who is alive"

"Tac cam is not widely used after DA:O. If a remake of DA:O is for the original audience, I think you'd need tac cam still there. Tac cam was important to them. But the question is who is the remake for, who is your audience? DA:I tac cam is a compromise. DA:O is free-roaming, you can drive it into the darkness, but that requires a ton of special work in terms of level creation. So you could make the DA:I-style tac cam for a DA:O remake but I think you would find it virtually unusable, because the levels are built assuming you can just slide it out"

"EA doesn't like spending money. I think there's a belief that a DA remaster/remake would make money. The question is would it make enough money? This is the weird corporate thing. Would it be profitable enough?"

Chat asked "Can BioWare just give up the code to the public for the community to have some fun and make DA:O 2.0?" Mark replied "There's no way EA would let the code go out. EA is too worried, a lot of decisions at EA are made by executives from the perspective of, 'I would rather something not exists than something exists and I get in trouble for it not being us that made it'"

"MELE did well and is well-reviewed but I mean did it sell millions of copies? It made its money back but did it do better than that?"

"A remaster of DA:O, DAII and DA:I would cost more than MELE but it is comparable. A remake, you're getting into, like remaking the DA 'trilogy' is at least as expensive as a brand new game and it probably doesn't sell that well"

"If you're gonna open the hood of DA:O you should remaster DA:I. I don't think it would take too much, there's a couple of things you could do to make it look even better and also I thin you rebalance the Power requirements. Which would take a week. Just tune the down, just so you could make it through the game a bit quicker and not get lost in the middle. And maybe force you out of the Hinterlands"

[source]

(pls note that in places there is a bit of paraphrasing of the info, the best source is always the primary source with full quotes in their original context)

---

At the time of writing, this post finally concludes this Dragon Age 'notes of interest and behind-the-scenes dev insight quotes [from Mark Darrah on Games DA playthrough livestreams]' project. All the vids have now been covered and all the 'snippets' that I thought were especially neat/interesting have been collated. To see previous posts in this series, at present you'd have to search my blog or click here. do check out the primary source (view, tune in, subscribe etc) here. during the livestreams donations are usually enabled. and if you found this post series useful or of interest in recent weeks, I have a Ko-Fi here, if you feel so inclined

hope this was useful and thank you for reading and stopping by!  ( ´ ▽ ` )b

[thewardenisonthecase]

Wanted to answer the questions from @pupkinpumpkin about the HOF/Hawke/Inquisitor, and since it's quite lenghy, I'm making it my own post, but the questions can be found here too.

1. Do any of your protagonists have stretch marks or gain them over time?

Anneliese Cousland: For a long time she doesn't have them, but after getting pregnant, she does have many of them on her breasts and on her stomach. She's a bit insecure about them but considering all the shit she has to do, she doesn't think on it too often. Plus Alistair likes them, so that's a plus.

Elizabeth Hawke: She has some, mostly on her arms and belly.

Asala Adaar: Yes, she has a lot of them on her stomach, on her thighs, on her breasts, especially considering she's the biggest out of the three and she likes them a lot. She's a big girl and she's proud of it.

2. Are they good at a task or hobby? (Ex. Sewing, dancing, puzzles)

Anneliese Cousland: Embroidery! She didn't have a lot of time to do it during the Fifth Blight, but afterwards, she picked up the hobby again, and many of her handkerchiefs have a little thing she embroided. She also like it because she feels like she's stabbing something.

Elizabeth Hawke: Does killing people count?

Asala Adaar: Not something you can necessarily be good at but it's a hobby anyways, and that's reading. She really loves her books.

3. Do they have a good sense of direction?

Anneliese Cousland: No, but it gets a little bit better over time.

Elizabeth Hawke: Great sense of direction, rarely gets lost.

Asala Adaar: Kind of in the middle. For most of the time, she's good at knowing where to go, but she has her moments.

4. Did they have a crush or flirt with any other companions before getting with their love interests?

Anneliese Cousland: She slept with Zevran before Alistair made a move on her, and she ocasionally flirted with Leliana, but in both instances, she didn't feel like it would develop into more than that, as Alistair was the one she had the real feelings for.

Elizabeth Hawke: She flirted a bit with Anders, and a lot with Aveline during the Long Road. She also ocasionally flirted with Varric. She had a small crush on Anders too, but the crush on Fenris was stronger.

Asala Adaar: She flirted with EVERYONE, and even though she's in a relationship with Solas, she's still out there flirting with Dorian.

5. How are they with sharing their food?

Anneliese Cousland: She has to really, REALLY, like you for her to share her food. Otherwise, do not touch her food if you wish to live.

Elizabeth Hawke: She'll share her food and also eat others food.

Asala Adaar: She'll share if asked, but otherwise, she won't offer it.

6. How would they react if someone said a really bad pun to them?

Anneliese Cousland: Stare at them. Like a disprooving dad. She is not amused.

Elizabeth Hawke: She'll snort, and tell Varric later.

Asala Adaar: Awkward laugh.

7. What clothes do they sleep in?

Anneliese Cousland: During the fifth blight, a simple shirt and pants (hate to make this comparison, but kinda like what Astarion wears in camp, but with less frills.) Post origins, nightgown, just like a long, white nightgown.

Elizabeth Hawke: A big ass shirt, that goes over her thighs, and nothing more.

Asala Adaar: A top and a short.

8. Would they rather sacrifice themselves to keep their loved ones safe or sacrifice someone else with a family to keep their loved ones safe?

Anneliese Cousland: She's going to find some way that no one has to be sacrificed, but if she doesn't, someone else with a family. In this regard, she is selfish and she will sacrifice anyone else to keep herself and her loved ones safe.

Elizabeth Hawke: Sacrifices herself. She has lost too much and she refuses to loose more. Also, there's a part of her that says that if she died, it would be better, especially if it meant protecting her brother.

Asala Adaar: This one is a bit harder, but I think she'd also try to find a way to save everyone and if she can't, she'll sacrifice herself.

9. Do they use nicknames/pet names for their friends?

Anneliese Cousland: Not really, but she'll call Zevran and Leliana by 'Zev' and 'Leli' on ocassion.

Elizabeth Hawke: Varric's influence is too great and sometimes she'll slip, and call them by what he calls them. Merrill's the one who this happens most to, as Hawke will often call her Daisy.

Asala Adaar: She's not very good at coming up with nicknames, so she usually just sticks to their names.

10. Do they use nicknames/pet names for their love interest?

Anneliese Cousland: She'll often call Alistar 'dear,' 'dearest', and after they get married, and when she really wants to annoy him, 'husband'.

Elizabeth Hawke: Calls Fenris 'love' a lot, and 'Broody' when she wants to annoy him (which happens often).

Asala Adaar: In intimate moments, will call Solas 'kadan'.

11. How many scars do they have now compared to the beginning of their adventure?

Anneliese Cousland: A. FUCKING. LOT. Especially early on, when her armor wasn't that great, she collected various scars on her torso and back. During the final battle against the archdemon, she gets a really big scar across her face, and in her words "can't kill an archdemon without some scars to tell the story". She also gained a few more during Awakening.

Elizabeth Hawke: Doesn't have many, but gets a few during the fight with the Arishok. Considering she mostly stays out of melee, it's rare for her to get that hurt in combat. Also, Anders is really good at healing most of her scars so even the ones she gets, a quick visit to the clinic solves it.

Asala Adaar: Has very little at the beggining, but as the game progresses, she gets more and more, most on her back.

12. Were there any NPCs that they were kinda into or thought were attractive?

Anneliese Cousland: She had a crush on Ser Gilmore, she slept with Iona, he's a companion but I'd say Sten counts too so she was also attracted to him, she was kinda into Teagen, and she slept with Isabela so...let's say a lot of people.

Elizabeth Hawke: There were only two: Orisino and the Arishok.

Asala Adaar: To be honest, no. Outiside of her companions, she wasn't really interested in anyone.

13. Any weird habits?

Anneliese Cousland: She's often talking to herself, though she tries not to do it while others are around.

Elizabeth Hawke: She whistles and hums songs under her breath a lot.

Asala Adaar: She hates open doors, so she'll often be seen closing them around Skyhold when she has nothing better to do.

14. What do they do to calm down or focus?

Anneliese Cousland: Hit things, she'll ask someome to go spar with her, or when she has her things with her, she'll do some embroidery.

Elizabeth Hawke: Writes in her journal.

Asala Adaar: Goes somewhere quiet and just lays down and rests. It's usually on the grass, under some tree, just trying to focus on the earth and the wind.

15. How fast do they get drunk and how do they act when they get drunk?

Anneliese Cousland: It's really, really, really hard for her to get drunk, and she kinda just gets even more serious when she's drunk; just like, more silent overall, but also if you get on her nerves, she's more prone to burst in anger when drunk.

Elizabeth Hawke: Takes a little awhile for her to get drunk, but a few strong drinks will get the jon done quicker. Somehow gets even sillier when drunk, and just makes a big fool of herself.

Asala Adaar: She has only been drunk a couple of times, and that's mostly because she doesn't drink a lot. The few times she has been drunk, she was mostly sleepy and talking with a very slurred speech.

Bonus:

If you could romance one of the unromancable companions or one of the NPCs, who would it be? Or would you stay with the person you've already romanced?

Honestly, if Sten was romanceable, I'd romance him right away. I love his character, I love his companion quest, he has so much depth that he's the only companion that I'd see Anneliese possibly "ditching" Alistair for. Alas, no kisses for sten, so he gets the "besties" promotion instead.

Bonus bonus: Any fun headcanons you have about your protagonist and their friends/loved ones?

I have a few

Anneliese Cousland: She's a tall woman, and she's just a few cm shorter than Alistair, and she loves to tower over people to assert dominance. In the epilogue of Origins, she decides to take a small vacation to Seheron with Sten, and Alistair and Zevran go with her. Sten was not happy about it.

Even after she left the command of the grey wardens, as she assumed her role as queen, she would still visit Amaranthine from time to time and train with the recruits.

Bribed Zevran into being her personal spy, and ocasionally, has had him kill some people for her. Alistair is unaware of this tho.

She found the cure for the taint, after that, she and Alistair had three kids. Also, even though her friends are all scattered around the world, she routinely sends them letters, to know how they are and when she went looking for the cure, Zevran went with her.

Elizabeth Hawke: I don't have a lot of 'fun' HCs of her, but after being left in the Fade, she eventually got out with the help of her friends + Feynriel, and is now living peacefully in Kirkwall again, except for the few times she goes with Fenris to kill some slavers.

Asala Adaar: After the inquisition is disbanded, she actually goes live with Hawke in Kirkwall, and the two kinda help each other heal, and bond over being left by their boyfriends at some point. Also, post game, she and Blackwall end up getting together.

[midmorninggrey]

From the weirdly specific asks, 2, 10, 21, 35 for Celeste and Cal (and/or anyone else you'd like to ramble about)? :]

Ooo thanks for these asks!

2. How loosely or strictly do they use the word 'friend'?

Celeste:

Cole is the only person she ever refers to as her friend. Animals, on the other hand, are all her friends. The Bog Unicorn? Her friend. Leliana’s nugs? Her friends.

Cal:

He can sing a stranger's praises, but Cal is surprisingly careful about who he actually calls a friend. He's lost a lot of friends.

10. What fact do they excitedly tell everyone about at every opportunity?

Celeste:

I think Celeste would bring up some wildlife (or spirit) fact along the lines of “Did you know that catfish have taste buds all over their bodies?”

Cal:

Cal hears a lot of nasty chatter in Kirkwall, so he’s always over the moon when he learns good news. When there is a wedding or a birth, especially among his fellow Fereldens, he won’t shut up about it until the couple has divorced and the baby can talk.

21. What common etiquette do they disagree with? Do they still follow it?

Celeste:

She reads at the table. Celeste has been bringing a book to her meals since she can remember, and she doesn’t understand why anyone would consider this rude. Josephine had to stop her from taking a book into the Winter Palace. (“What if I, like, want to read?” “I assure you, Herald, there will be plenty to hold your attention.”)

Cal:

Manners have been part of Cal’s shield since his upbringing in the Circle, so he rarely drifts from courtesy. But while he is comfortable following etiquette when in low social standing, Cal really detests being treated as anyone's better. His trips to the Hawke Estate became less frequent after Gillian hired more servants.

Magaleth:

I'm throwing Mags in here because she fully disagreed with the practice of asking a question without expecting an honest reply. So Toni would ask how Mags slept and she'd answer with a chipper "Terrible!" It was never mean-spirited on Mags' part; she was just a fairly open person on a short schedule.

35. What is the smallest, morally questionable choice they’ve made?

Celeste:

She “borrows” small things from people without their knowledge or permission. She will lift a piece of jewelry or a pair of gloves and hold onto it for a few days. Then, before its owner can miss it, she puts whatever she took back. This is wrong, she knows, but she hasn't been caught (yet.) (And, like all good Inquisitors or Heralds, she has climbed higher up the roofs of Skyhold when called to a War Table meeting.)

Cal:

Isabela asked Cal to make her breakfast after a long night. In the kitchen, out of sight, Cal spilled her fried potato hash all over the filthy, filthy floor of the Hanged Man. He looked at the mess for a good long minute. Then he swept it all back onto a plate and served it. Isabela ate every bite, and he said nothing. (Not the worst thing he’s done in that kitchen but.)

[sky-fire-forever]

Happy Friday and welcome to the DADWC! How about something for Fenris/Anders/Hawke. Maybe something pre-establishing a poly relationship with mutual pining if that inspires anything. :)

Thank you so much for the prompt!

My Hawke in this is Scorpius, who uses they/them pronouns.

Hawke is absolutely smitten with Anders. Anders is absolutely smitten with Hawke. Everyone can see that they're utterly obsessed with each other.

Fenris especially can see how in love the two mages are. He notices it on every mission they go on together. He notices whenever Anders has to carefully heal Hawke when they're injured. He notices all the fucking time.

And it hurts. It hurts that he'd almost had what Anders now holds dear, but he'd pushed Hawke away. He hadn't been ready and he missed his chance. Now it's too late. 

He knows that it's his own fault, that he can only blame himself, but he wants so desperately to blame Anders. He wants to be angry with him, to hate him.

But he can't. He knows what Anders sees in Hawke and he can't blame him for taking what was freely given.  

“I just don't see what they see in him,” Fenris says. “He's rather… intense.” He gestures vaguely with his bottle.

Isabela snorts. “And you aren't?”

He scowls at her before bringing the bottle back to his lips. 

“I'm just saying.” Isabela holds her hands up even as she grins from ear to ear. “But if you want my honest opinion? I don't think you have anything to worry about.” 

“I'm not worried,” Fenris says with a scowl. 

“Sure you're not. That's why you keep pining after Hawke like a lost puppy.” 

Fenris rolls his eyes and takes another sip. “I am not pining.” 

Isabela fixes him with a look. “If you were any more obvious, they'd be able to see your pining all the way in Orlais.”

Fenris glares at her and considers throwing his bottle at the wall with the others he's tossed there, but decides he'd rather drink it. 

“On the bright side, Hawke isn't any more subtle.” Isabela takes a long sip from her own bottle and sets her feet on the table.

Fenris cocks his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

Isabela raises an eyebrow. “Don't tell me you haven't noticed.”

“Noticed what?” Fenris doesn't have the first clue what Isabela is talking about. It's entirely possible that she's just fucking with him.

“Hawke’s in love with you,” Isabela says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. 

Fenris’ heart skips a beat. “They're not.” He hopes he sounds more blasé than he really feels. 

“Yes, they are.”

“Why do you think that?”

Isabela rolls her eyes. “Because I'm not blind.” She leans forward. “They've been all over you since I first met you both.” 

Fenris remembers how obvious Hawke used to be with their affections. How they'd flirt with Fenris at every opportunity and would find any excuse to throw an arm around him or to brush against him. It'd been nice to feel so sought after, so desired.

Things have been different ever since Fenris walked away. The night memories started creeping into his mind without permission, putting a stain on everything he and Hawke shared. 

Hawke doesn't flirt so obviously anymore. Doesn't touch Fenris so often. They've drifted away from him and Fenris feels the absence like a cavity in his soul.   

“Perhaps they used to be,” Fenris concedes. “But things are not the same as they used to be. Hawke has moved on.”

He thinks of how Hawke holds Anders’ hand whenever they can get away with it. How they stare at him like he hung each star in the night sky. 

“What, because they're fucking Anders?” Isabela laughs. “That doesn't mean they're over you.”

Fenris can feel how his heart flutters with hope that isn't deserved. Is Anders just his replacement, a balm for the wound Fenris left behind?

But even as he has the thought, he knows that it isn't the case. Hawke loves Anders. Loves him more than anything and Fenris would be a horribly selfish man to try to get in the way of what they have.

“They love the mage,” Fenris says and he can hear the hint of bitterness that seeps into his voice without permission. 

“Yes, they do,” Isabela agrees readily. “They love you too.”

Fenris stares at her in bewilderment. 

“Oh, come on.” She leans back in her chair. “Hawke’s big enough for both of you.” 

Fenris feels his cheeks warm. “Their size is hardly the issue,” he mutters. “The problem is–”

“The problem is that you turned them down. You ran away when they asked for more than you were ready for, so they're giving you the space you asked for.” She speaks like she's explaining a difficult concept to a small child. “Hawke is still crazy about you. And it's not like they're exclusive with Anders.”

That's news to Fenris. “They… aren't?”

“Of course not. Why do you think I find myself in their bed every other week?”

That sends Fenris’ head spinning. “I wasn't aware that the three of you were involved.”

“Oh, it's nothing like that.” Isabela waves her hand dismissively. “It's just sex.” 

“Then I don't understand your point.” Sex is very different from a relationship. Fenris doesn't want just sex from Hawke and he definitely doesn't want sex he has to share with Anders. 

Isabela rolls her eyes. “You really aren't getting it? They're not exclusive. If you talked to them, I'm sure Hawke would love to have you both.”

The idea of Hawke wanting Fenris and Anders both hadn't crossed Fenris’ mind until tonight. Until Isabela started putting these ideas into his head. How would that work? Could it work?

Fenris shakes his head. “You don't know Hawke’s feelings,” he says. “The opportunity for us has passed.” 

Isabela sighs and looks at him with something like pity. “If you say so.”

That's the end of the conversation, but it lingers in Fenris’ mind long afterwards. The next day, he thinks he catches a glimpse of a longing look Hawke sends his way.

Or maybe he's imagining it all. There's no chance for Fenris and Hawke, not as long as Anders is in the picture. Fenris can accept that.

He has to accept that. 

[askmerriauthor]

Hyrule's Future - Letting Go of the Past

ToTK lore chatter, mild spoilers below the line break.

I've mentioned it before, but something I really enjoy about both BoTW and ToTK is how they've addressed the timeline as a whole. The games basically scoop up all the events of the past titles, toss them into a blender, and dump out the rendered scraps into a big pile together. So it's become unclear exactly how much of the established lore is actually true and how much of the Legend of Zelda is just actual legend.

This has some interesting implications for how exactly Hyrule will grow going forward from the BoTW/ToTK point, especially considering Nintendo has confirmed that the BoTW-style games is what they want to aim for as a series standard. It also makes for a facet of story telling specific to these games' direction that I really enjoy. That, for all the importance of history and heritage in the Legend of Zelda, the way forward is letting go and accepting change.

There's a bit of a gag going that Link is essentially the Tony Hawk of Hyrule, in that just about nobody recognizes him and he's constantly being "mistaken" for the Legendary Hero Link. NPCs flat-out don't know who he is at all, or brush it off as a funny coincidence he "just happens to have the same name as the Hero", or even gaslight themselves into refusing to believe he could be the genuine article. Very few NPCs in the game actually know who Link is, what he looks like, or properly acknowledge what he's done.

A bit of the same happens for Zelda. While it seems that everyone knows who she is by reputation, if nothing else, everyone is also very easily fooled by the doppelganger Zelda running around causing chaos post-Upheaval. Zelda is essentially a new entity in post-Calamity Hyrule; everyone knew of her as a legendary figure holding back Calamity Ganon, but actually having her around as a flesh-and-blood person working to build a new future for Hyrule is a new thing for the general population. So much so that, for the youngest and newest generations of kids in Hyrule, they don't really hold interest or reverence for the past whatsoever.

Another thing we come across around ToTK is rumors. Things like the fabled "Master Gourd", or characters gossiping about legendary beasts, weapons, and ghost stories. People fear the notion of a vengeful spirit lurking in the wilds, or a man speculates that the ghosts of slain Gerudo haunt the alleys of their town. Others dismiss the very idea of ghosts outright as fanciful nonsense and "unscientific" when there are very clearly actual ghosts in existence within the setting. The establishment of a newspaper and the ability to quickly spread long-form written information across Hyrule is a new thing and welcomed eagerly by the citizenry, but it's up to intrepid reporters and researchers to find the information to report. And, as is shown in several quests, sometimes they get things completely wrong and end up utterly confusing the whole situation.

What this all culminates toward is a very clear indication that the lore of Hyrule and the literal legends of Zelda, in all their forms, is entirely unreliable narrative in-universe. How much of Hyrule's own past has been completely lost to time or disaster? How much of it has mutated through repetition or been exaggerated far beyond what it originally was? The events we've played through in previous titles have been pretty wild in many cases, often cartoonishly silly; were those events actually things that happened, or just outlandish retellings and mixed-up tales? Are the drastic tonal differences between "Twilight Princess" and "Wind Waker" a case of different times or were they simply the personal preference in delivery as told by a given narrator? Are the repeated instances of many characters sharing names and natures truly coincidental reappearances, or are they because a person became a symbol and popular story element that crossed over into different tales? There's a firm sense in ToTK that Hyrule is growing toward a new future of its own making and that the past, while very much an important part of the world's identity, is far from set in stone. That it shouldn't be given so much power and importance over the future that's yet to be seen.

In ToTK, the heroes and the citizenry are looking toward the future. They're building - not rebuilding, but starting new. Side quests like Cece's mayoral race emphasize the importance of making a sustainable balance between the old and new. Mattison's parents respect the old traditions of the Gerudo by letting their daughter go off to learn of her roots in Gerudo Town, even as it pains them to do so, and even as Gerudo Town itself is changing from its old ways. The established language itself is being updated as the new generation of Gerudo kids abbreviate it (much to the chagrin of some elderly Gerudo). Link, a man, is freely admitted to defy the Gerudo's core "no voe allowed" law because of his proven loyalty to their people - a boon that was denied a hero of the Gerudo in the past, as we learn from the side-quest exploring their history.

Throughout all the communities we see a shift from the old to the new without tossing out their roots. The Zora welcome new leadership and combining of communities. The Rito show a proven rise in the next generation to maintain their way of life. The Gorons work with their changing environment and industry, maintaining a firm inter-generational cooperation throughout. The Gerudo gradually open themselves up to greater interactions not just with men, but with the world in general, joining more into the core of Hyrule rather than secluding themselves to their old ways. The Sheikah - by far the most deeply rooted in traditional standards of all - are rapidly changing with the times and set themselves at the bleeding edge of social development. Paya taking the Sheikah in a new direction as their chief, Impa stepping aside for the greater good, Purah and Robbie and Josha recycling all the old Sheikah Tech in order to build new Skyview Towers and develop technology that everyone - not just Link - can use and benefit from. The Zonai culture itself holds core belief in proving one's potential in rites of passage, of growing and rising to challenges, of building and progressing by use of the foundations laid by those who came before. Even the Bargainer Statues, seemingly beyond-ancient spirits or gods who predate even the Zonai, are all about helping the lingering souls of the dead move on without judgment or criticism. In the past, we see Zelda, Mineru, and Rauru all surrender themselves to a necessary change, giving up what they knew and held dear, in order to help move toward a positive future for all even if they wouldn't be there to benefit from it themselves.

It's the villains and antagonists we meet who are stuck in the past or who can't see a sustainable way forward. The Horned Statue - a demon who was petrified by Hylia for its crimes - emphasizes that it proudly refuses to learn its lesson and thus remains a statue for all time. In Hateno Village, Cece and Reede are at extreme ends of valuing vapid, short-sighted progress and hollow, rigid tradition because of pride, even while lying to themselves and others about their true feelings on such things. Kohga and the Yiga Clan are straight-up trying to undermine Hyrule as a society and ultimately end the world itself, abusing the progress of technology and tradition alike to achieve those ends. But these are minor compared to the big man himself.

Ganondorf is very much an anchor on the ship of progress. He's not just stuck in the past; he's literally defined by it. He is the past and an outright denial of the future. His entire M.O. is establishing a state of unchanging chaos, as contradictory as that may sound, where nothing ever advances from the state he's put it into. He saw a flourishing utopian society as an affront - an effort to control him, a waste of "potential". Rather than join it and grow with it, he rebelled and destroyed it. His transformation into the Demon King and birthing of monsters into the world ensured a cyclical status quo of endless strife. Every Blood Moon, the monsters rise anew, undoing any efforts to purge them from the land. After he was sealed, his sole goal was to return to his heights of power. When he was challenged and defeated by Link and the Sages, he was so consumed by his attachment to the past that he literally threw away everything that made him who he was in order to try and retain that power. Ganondorf refuses to let Hyrule grow in any fashion and, in the end, his utter destruction is necessary in order for the world to have any hope of moving forward.

I like that as a theme. There's an emphasis on respect for the old and new alike. That it's important to understand one's history and roots, and that there's wonders to be found in the past. But that the future too holds so much, that change is inevitable. That it should be welcomed rather than scorned or feared, and that embracing that undeniable momentum is the way to thrive. That sometimes what we think we know isn't the truth and we need to be accepting of new ideas or corrections to our previously-established beliefs.

That digging in your heels and latching desperately to the past - to the lore, to the legends, to the canon - ultimately does more harm than good.

[thebreakfastgenie]

Tbh I think the joker is wild is only so disliked because of where it is in the shows whacky continuity. If it didn’t air like 7 episodes before GFA where we see Hawk at his lowest it would’ve been better received and not so much as BJ fuckin with his deeply mentally unwell friend. Honestly I could see it taking place a little bit after period of adjustment as another form of BJ coming to terms with this is going to be his life for a while. Trapper left, Radar left. Bj is stuck. Idk when I was younger I always loved it cuz haha Bj pranks his friend !! But now I have mixed feelings

I can't speak to why anyone else dislikes The Joker Is Wild. For me, it's the following reasons:

As you said, it feels cruel to do to Hawkeye in season 11, especially in hindsight knowing what's coming. In that sense, it probably would play better if it happened earlier in the show. That being said, the narrative of that episode seems to assert that Hawkeye deserves it, and I don't think that was ever true. It's disproportionate to drive him to paranoia, but more than that, Hawkeye's pranks were rarely cruel, and when they were the victim was Margaret or Frank or, on a handful of occasions, Charles (BJ always helped with those) and it was never acknowledged as cruel. I think it was @majorbaby who first suggested this episode would be excellent if Margaret was the mastermind and I agree. That would be a well-executed continuity nod and a successful metacommentary on the early seasons of the show. As written, it is neither of those things.

I struggle to believe that Margaret or Mulcahy or Klinger or someone wouldn't have questioned the plan once it became apparent how it was affected Hawkeye. I know that was impossible because of the reveal, but I think it's unfair to those characters (for reference, I don't think Fallen Idol is unfair to any of them or OOC).

This episode characterizes pranks as cruel which they never were on MASH before. Even episodes like April Fools and An Eye for a Tooth end with even the victims laughing. The exceptions are, of course, early pranks on Frank and Margaret, but they were antagonists and considered deserving. Dear Sigmund, the episode that establishes BJ as a prankster, is pretty straightforward about what pranks mean at the 4077th. Sidney describes the practical joker as a folk hero. The pranks are meant to make everyone laugh and they serve to boost morale. Even the victims usually enjoy them and they're fairly harmless.

The Joker Is Wild tries to do a continuity nod--rare for M*A*S*H--and does it badly. This is more or less unforgivable to me. All of the references to Trapper as a gifted practical joker make no sense, because that was never Trapper's thing. Trapper only ever participated in pranks with Hawkeye, and while the offscreen ones may have been more equal, onscreen Hawkeye masterminded them. Hawkeye has an entire storyline in Showtime where he engages in a solo prank war against Frank; Trapper is not involved. By contrast, pranks are BJ's thing, as established in Dear Sigmund.

The pranks just aren't good. The ones BJ does, the ones Hawkeye talks about that Trapper supposedly came up with... their sophistication and epicness are purely informed attributes. If you're going to do this kind of an episode, you need writers who are good at pranks. An Eye for a Tooth works because it was based on a real prank war in the cast.

BJ was already unsympathetic to me when he nailed Hawkeye's shoe to the floor because For Want of a Boot really struck a nerve for me and he just left a hole in that shoe!!!

BJ did not win the bet. There is no room for interpretation here. There is no "well the real point was..." It doesn't matter, because the episode treats it as if he won the bet, and he did not. The bet was not that he could get Hawkeye, it was that he could get six people. He got one person. He lost. Period. What bothers me the most about this is I don't think the writers realized this. I think they forgot what the bet actually was. The meat of this episode is the rivalry between BJ and Hawkeye and I think somewhere along the line someone just failed to notice that the set-up didn't make sense. That's sloppy writing and I dislike it.

Most of these issues are magnified by bingewatching. I think a casual viewer--and even a lot of dedicated viewers in the 80s--gets what you got as a kid: haha, BJ pranks his friends! If you can enjoy it on that level, good for you! I can't change that I watched the show in sequence and it made me deeply uncomfortable (and I do think it's poorly written). I would personally not like it more if it came after Period of Adjustment, but I might if it happened in seasons 4-6.

[flemethinabighat]

I so happily certain this has been done before and I’m thusly excited to join a small crowd of others with my surely minuscule addition. First chapter of a little fanwork about Hawke and Isabela on a perilous date night in Kirkwall:

Hawke and I leaned towards one another, a pact made before the game to ensure we both came out on top, a picture I licked her lips over. It didn’t hurt that Fenris couldn’t keep his pretty eyes off of us. Hawke didn’t seem to notice or didn’t let herself seem to notice. While I couldn’t help but sigh. The three of us could have had a terribly fun night together, but the way those two avoided tangling glances suggested to me that they had already tried and failed on that front.

I didn’t want to fuss over it, Hawke’s business was her own, and her hand gently pressed against my bare thigh awaiting a slipped card was enough of a distraction to draw me away from the wisp of disappointment. Hawke was more than enough fun for anyone. Easy going, nonjudgmental, and funny when she stopped trying to be.

Merrill rose to get another pitcher of ale for their table, as usual leaving her cards face up, Anders sighed turned them over and made to finish his drink, tea. Poor thing. I slugged back the last of my ale and watched Hawke do the same. Her auburn hair tossed over one shoulder, her brown skin kissed with freckles and scars, one of my bangles looped around her arm, it felt right to see such beauty touched by gold.

My gold, taken from a dead slaver’s pocket, molded into a kraken with long twisting tentacles lopping to form a band. Two chips of emerald for its eyes, glaring and winking from the torches lit just as the sun went down. I slipped the desired card carefully into Hawke’s waiting fingers, grasping them before the mage could move away, far too long a touch to be mistaken, and I thrilled at Hawke’s smile, half hidden behind her cards.

“Hey, I want to see everyone’s eyes.” Varric said over the rising music and chatter all around. “I know something’s up between you two, you’ve gotten all quiet and shifty.”

“Maybe we’re too enamored of each other to speak,” Hawke laughed, “you are looking especially lovely tonight, Bels.”

I smirked as she slipped a card into my waiting hand, her warm palm pressed against my thigh this time more purposefully. I felt herself clench in all the right places. I surreptitiously slipped the next card into her hand and mused as I absently gazed at my hand, a song, an angel, and three serpents. Not too bad, but that really didn’t matter. I had a sovereign sitting on the table, but it didn’t matter. The only gold I kept gazing at was the kraken around Hawke’s wrist.

Varric drew the death card, he cursed and they lay out their cards just as Merrill got back with the pitcher. “Oh what did I miss? oh, I lost again, well, good thing we were only practicing.”

Varric loosed a long suffering sigh/chuckle, “daisy, we all made bets but you, that’s why Anders is pissed.” Merrill waved a hand and Anders huffed in disgust. “Well, Hawke, you’ve gone and made yourself a little richer. I think you’re a dirty cheat, both of you, but here take my money, consider it my investment for when you have to cover my paupers debts.”

“So maudlin, Varric.” She grinned, tossing her thick waves over her shoulder, the scent of cinnamon and flame washed over me and I sucked in a shallow breath to savor it. “Here keep your money, I just wanted to see what we could get away with.” She tossed their coins back to them, Fenris slapping his hand over the rolling coin before it fell, allowing his hair to cover his eyes. Anders snatching his up and gave them a tired grin before rising to leave.

“Well, this is it for me, gang, I’m afraid it’s an early morning for the clinic, and since I can’t get drunk enough to listen to this awful Marcher music anymore it’s best I shuffle out before Justice burns the instruments.”

He patted Varric’s shoulder and gave Hawke a sad sort of nod and me a passing envious glance. He still had sore feelings, I supposed. Hawke was a flighty creature, nothing and no one could lurch out and grab her haphazardly before she could flap away, talons red with the blood of the fool who tried.

He still looked wounded under his own feathers. So did Fenris. I watched him rise and leave, hardly a word spared in farewell. I caught Varric watching me watch him and winked at him. He shook his head, a lament or a warning I couldn’t tell but merely cracked a grin at him, stoking the flames as always.

“You know, Hawke it’s still early we could have a few more drinks.” Varric Varric Varric. I grinned at him and he winced. Protecting his surrogate sister from little ol’ me?

Hawke chuckled, “I think it’s time I left the hanged man before dawn, at least once this week.” And just like that, my grin faltered. Since Hawke’s mother… well, going home wasn’t the same for any of us, that’s why we all squatted in our various hiding places.

Merrill smiled cheerfully and as always I warmed to see it, Merrill had been especially difficult to get out of the house lately, some obsession over a mirror and she’s not even vain. Yes I know it’s a magical mirror or whatever, but that’s not the point. Point is, hiding is never healthy.

“Varric worries, it’s really very sweet. But we’re all going to be ok, right Hawke?” Merrill said, her big green eyes hopeful. It was a pact as always, don’t go too far don’t make things worse. We always tried to find a new way to promise it, and no one really believed. Or at least, I didn’t.

But Hawke laughed, a bright sound above the taverns clatter, bright as gold. “If I had a sovereign for every time I told someone everything would be ok and immediately afterwards everything went directly to shit I would be able to fill the viscounts keep with a dragons horde. So no, maybe not ok but good enough to make it home without disaster certainly.”

“Well now that you’ve said it youre definitely going to have to fight a hundred merchants guild assassins on the way back up to Hightown.” Varric rasped with a chuckle.

Hawke and he chattered for a few more minutes, goodbye was always a production for them, while I gave Merrill a kiss in farewell. Ok is only barely good enough as it is, every assertion of things staying right is a lie, a blown kiss across the blooming rose’s tawdry bar. I know this, Hawke knows this, but we don’t say it.

Hawke grins like each tooth behind her lovely lips is a dagger pointed at sorrow, defiant and gruesome. I want to kiss those lips until a real smile emerges but I don’t think she remembers what it takes to do that. Maybe I didn’t either.

I trailed Hawke and Merrill to the door, the hanged man was my home, for now, more or less- mostly less-thus I had no reason to leave.

I had no reason at all to follow them outside into the slightly cold night, the wind licking along my thighs making me shiver. I had no reason at all to grasp her hand after Merrill vanished around the corner and Hawke lingered and the mess and stench and noise of the tavern faded away.

I had no reason at all to drag her into the alleyway for a hot kiss that reminded me of all the little touches we had denied ourselves for these last few years since the last time we had “girly time”.

She had even less reason to kiss me back and yet…

We had messed up each others clothes enough to laugh at our respective disrepute and then ruined any attempts to straighten out with more kissing. I stopped and grinned at her, I know she knew what that grin meant.

“A proposal, sweet thing, if you dare?”

She always did.

[taughtdefense]

one bad seed kills the garden.

ETHAN'S STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DOJO'S SPARRING DECK, a mixture of surprise, anger & disgust seeping out of every pore. he hadn't realized... well, had he known that this was going to happen, he'd have stayed at the dojo later than he had, & maybe it'd have successfully deterred hawk & the others from doing something of this scale. hawk is an asshole now. he’s clearly still riding that high of being the strongest he's ever felt thanks to the other dojo's teachings… brainwashings. but, maybe ethan's old friendship with hawk, from before he'd turned into a jerk of epic proportions, could have... prevented this from happening, he supposes.

it's only a matter of time before his ex-close-friend falls from grace, & plummets towards the sea. (the thought doesn't comfort him as much as he thought it would. if anything, it makes him feel worse.)

briefly, the taller's face twists up as a thought occurs to him, which he somehow manages to successfully pass off as being devastated by the destruction... even if he's being completely genuine about that. since he can't use his powers around his friends, this is gonna be a bit more nightmarish to clean up. it's certainly going to take longer, & that's more time out of the day lost. having no powers & pretending to be human has been... honestly, inconvenient at some points.

this is one of those times. definitely, yeah.

very, very briefly, he consider contacting sanji to let him know of the destruction. maybe he'd be able to get a few guys from his dojo to help out, assuming that sensei zeff wouldn't mind that. …or maybe he would, if alternate lifetime encounters with zeff are anything to go by. hmm, or ciro (who is in cobra kai, but the differing dojos hasn't hindered his friendship with him in any way, & he'd not magically turned into an asshole seemingly overnight), or sending out an SOS to icarus & charlie (who are also in miyagi-do, but they both had to skip today's practice). they could use the extra hands...

❝ be careful, everyone. ❞ he's quick to warn sam, emma, & a handful of his other friends about watching their steps on the sparring deck, especially since emma is wearing sandals. ethan's beingly overly cautious of every movement he makes, like all of it's rigged to explode or release some type of invisible poison into the air, keeping an eye on the bits of glass scattered haphazardly around the wooden deck from the destroyed portraits of past miyagi-do karate practitioners, including mr. miyagi's, which he'd seen on his way through the dojo. one of the students had scattered the glass on the deck, clearly. that’s annoying.

cautiously, he step downs, weaving through the broken items to reach the koi pond. he exhales heavily, looking over at his friends, who are mostly grouped together, still in a little bit of shock. robby seems to be taking the trashing of the dojo hard; he's trying not to read his mind, even if he's not saying anything.

❝ it's gonna take a while to get everything back in order. ❞ ethan announces to his friends, his tone grim. ❝ ugh. ❞ he sighs heavily, clearly growing more & more frustrated the longer he stares at the destruction of his safe place. he itches to will it all away without so much as a flick of his hand. he can feel more than sense robby right at his back, silently checking on him. it's a comfort he welcomes wholeheartedly, could gladly allow himself to get lost in even now, a salve to the atomic burn that is his & his friends' safe space grossly violated to such lengths. undoubtedly ordered by johnny, if the other man’s track record of being obsessed with mr. larusso is anything to go by. the thought fills ethan with a such heavy, sharp bitterness it steals his next exhale of breath from anger-twined lungs.

he steps near the edge of the koi pond & reaches into the water, using his long arms to his advantage to pull out a ruined fence post with a grimace. he can tell exactly which one it was ripped from, the far left post. there's a few more fence posts nearby, torn from their places or broken in half. mr. larusso's going to have to order several new posts.

jesus christ.

frustration spiking suddenly, he drops the post onto the ground next to him, mindful to not drop it onto his foot or accidentally hit robby with it. he dries his wet hand onto his shorts. but it's fine, because clearly, no one is training today, & both of his hands curl into tight fists, knuckles going a ghastly shade of white.

❝ one bad seed kills the garden. ❞ @investigatur murmurs.

ethan glances over at pip, takes in her expression, adds it to the list of people he never wants to see sad ever again, stows it away to ruminate on later. maybe surprisingly, he succeeds in not accidentally absorbing her emotions (because the last thing he wants is to fully snap in front of all of them, even if it's obvious how much all of this is affecting him... & even then, they don't know the half of it), focuses on his own.

❝ then we need to find & cull the bad seeds, before they infect the rest of the valley. ❞ he replies, perhaps far too calmly to be anything other deadly serious. the response isn’t quite consistent with the miyagi-do way, but he’s pissed. the wind gust that accompanies his words is a few degrees too cold for the sweltering summer heat—his doing, on accident. he’s surprised that his eyes aren’t flaring blood red, a sign of anger. it’s a testament to miyagi-do’s teachings. they’re working better than intended. him in his other life would have lost his

sure, they can rebuild, even if it’ll take all day or maybe even a few days, but forgiving & forgetting this? hell fucking no. that’s not-

robby reaches over & places a hand on his arm. ❝ eth. ❞ he murmurs. ethan looks down at his friend’s hand on his wrist, & it’s like he deflates at all once, with the way he exhales heavily, carefully folding his other hand on top of robby’s gently. it comforts him.

(he doesn’t want to let go.)

ethan’s eyes swing over towards pip again, & he straightens a little bit. ❝ if they’ve vandalized our dojo while none of us were here, then who’s to say they won’t escalate things further by starting fights with us on the streets? ❞ ciro had told him about a new sensei joining cobra kai, & according to him, something about him feels… a little off—both the person & his methods of teaching cobra kai. his name is john kreese. whatever the case may be, why johnny let him back into the fold, it’s clearly not good, whatever he’s teaching them.

[triviareads]

What is your favourite " widower finds love again" novels?

ooh ok I have a loooot of those:

Wicked Again by Kathleen Ayers: Haddon is a widower and Marissa a widow thrice-over (#1 and #3 were most likely murdered by her dad for mistreating her, and #2 was murdered by the family she's trying to take down in this book), and they hook up during a house party, but she's very intent on leaving it as a fling while he wants more. She's 49 and he's 40, I believe.

A Recipe for a Rogue by Kathleen Ayers: Hero is a twice-widowed, silver fox who likes to cook, and he slowly seduces the heroine by recipe by recipe from a rare cooking book. The heroine is plus sized and the hero is allllll about that.

The Duke Who Knew Too Much by Grace Callaway: First wife drowned on a boat with their son, and there was some(?) suspicion that the hero caused this to happen but tbh that's kinda overshadowed when the heroine accuses him of murdering his lover... which is how they meet.

Olivia and the Masked Duke by Grace Callaway: First wife was an cheater and an opium addict who also got the hero into it. After she died, the hero went into rehab and got himself clean and became dedicated to fighting drug on the streets, and the heroine was a (much younger) friend during the entire time as she developed a crush on him.

Fiona and the Enigmatic Earl by Grace Callaway: Hawk isn't looking to marry again but agrees to Fiona's proposed marriage of convenience and both of them intend on keeping their secret spy/investigator identities hidden.

What I Did For a Duke by Julie Anne Long: This one's actually really poignant because the hero has so much genuine grief over his first wife passing, but it's a quiet grief that he hides under this snarky, tormentor-ish facade.

Rules for a Proper Governess by Jennifer Ashley: Another hero who has a lot of grief for his wife passing to the point where he's juuuuust reconciling himself to the idea of moving on and possibly marrying someone else when he meets the pickpocket heroine who becomes his children's governess.

When the Duke Was Wicked by Lorraine Heath: Lovingdon is very intent upon not remarrying because he considers his first wife the love of his life and doesn't think there will be anyone else like that, but he slowly starts to fall for his younger family friend Grace, who asks him to help with her suitors.

Duke of Pleasure by Elizabeth Hoyt: Another widower with kids, Hugh is rescued on the streets by Alf, who's pretending to be a boy who's pretending to be The Ghost of St. Giles, and they work together to take down the villains of this book while Hugh continues to believe Alf is a boy.

The Viper by Monica McCarty: There's no love lost between Lachlan MacRuairi and his traitor dead wife, but it takes a while for him and Bella MacDuff to warm up to each other, especially after his prior failed rescue of her. Bella is also actually married for a portion of the book but we don't count her bitchass first husband for much.

In Which Matilda Halifax Learns the Value of Restraint Alexandra Vasti: Everyone thinks Ashford murdered his first wife but he didn't, not that it stops Matilda from being super attracted to him and coming to his remote home to give his sister art lessons.

The Rakess by Scarlett Peckham: The hero is a widower with kids, while the heroine is a free-spirited, sexually open type.

Earl of Every Sin by Scarlett Scott: Alessandro's first wife died during the Peninsular War and refuses to love again, and also refuses to kiss Catriona because "kissing is for his first wife only".

Accidentally Compromising the Duke by Stacy Reid: This man's so traumatized by his first wife dying of childbirth he's like, fingering the heroine to ensure "he did NOT release inside [her]" (which.... insane; basically a reverse breeding kink lolol) and refuses to see her once he finds out she's pregnant.

The Ivy Leavold books by Sierra Simone: Look Sierra herself said this is basically Jane Eyre That Fucks, and Mr. Markham here was married twice and both times the women died under mysterious circumstances. He meets Ivy, who was his late second wife's cousin, when she comes to live with him at his estate.

Contemporary Romance:

Hunted by Adriana Anders: The hero is still grieving his first wife's death and the kink camp they started together reminds him too much of her for him to venture down, until someone answers his ad looking for someone he can do primal play with.

New Camelot trilogy by Sierra Simone: I forgot Ash (King Arthur) was married then widowed between the first time he met Greer (Guinevere) and when they actually get together.

Mickey Chambers Shakes It Up by Charish Reid: Hero is still grieving his first wife, whose bar he takes over, and he also signs up to finish his degree like she would have wanted, which is how he meets the heroine. She's his professor, and she gets hired at his bar without realizing he's her boss.

The Secret She Kept in Bollywood by Tara Pammi: The hero's first wife was a Bollywood actress, and they unknowingly adopted the heroine's biological child that she gave up at birth. Fast forward a decade and a half later, Simon's daughter is about to make her acting debut, and Simon and Anya hook up without realizing who the other person is. ale

Mafia Mistress, Mafia Darling, and Mafia Madman by Mila Finelli: Fausto and Enzo are both widowers but they married their first wives out of duty so them falling for Frankie and Gia is really the first time they're falling in love.