#esp when ive been having a stressful few days

[apomaro-mellow]

This isn’t a question but I just wanted you to know you are one of my favourite steddie writers. Absolutely fantastic and I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve reread your works. So thank you for existing :)

Oh my gosh?? Oh my god thank you so much for saying so >///<

It really makes me happy to know people just don't enjoy my works but are also rereading it :D

[huellitaa]

hello hello huelittaa 👋✨ do u have any tips for someone struggling with motivation to workout? or even to take a simple walk? thank uu 🤍

bee's physical activity handbook: motive 🎀 . ݁₊ ⊹

hiiii ml!!!!!!!! 🫶🏻🩷💗 sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days BUT IM HERE NOW !!!!! honestly this is something i also struggle with myself ,, i am still recovering from depression personally so this is still difficult for me sometimes too but these are some things i do !!!! ♡

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ 1. prepare urself for the possibility

so since i know i have this problem a lot, it helps me to be prepared for this in advance. i actually have a whole notion page filled with a table of letters to myself in specific situations i find myself in a lot, this included, and have a whole archived stored of cute photos and motivation and things like articles and videos and tumblr posts on the main page and in the letters that make me wanna get up and do shit and its my LIFESAVER. (should i make a post on this?)

but i'd suggest to keep a note or page or document , physical or digital, filled with just motivation for this specific thing, like things you like about it, photos romanticising working out or going outside, songs that motivate you, etc etc etc. the list goes on but you get the point ♡

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 2. detective chapter: analysis! ♡

figure out why you dont want to. this is the main thing that helps me and its so simple but once u figure out the root u figure out the rest and this applies just the same here too. is it laziness? mental health? exhaustion? overworking? burnout? you won't be able to continue until you haven't found the actual problem. it's like trying to travel with no path to travel on.

💭𓂃 ࣪˖ 3. pep talk!

one thing i do that helps me the most is literally just lay in bed or wherever you are where ur procrastinating and thinking about this over and over and going back and forth whether to do it or not is to force the thoughts out (literally. u can envision it if it helps!) and deadass bully myself into doing it 😭😭

(🗒🎀 note: i've also found it helps for some people to do this in the mirror, just so ur face to face w urself as it were. plus u get to admire urself at the same time so its a win all around)

if ur not into harsh motivation, another thing i love, esp when im not feeling great enough to deal w harsh motivation is pretend ur giving advice to a friend or ur child in this position. this is one of the greatest pieces of advice ive ever gotten i literally cannot stress this enough. do this‼️ p.s. you can do this in ur head or out loud. i usually do some mix of both because i am a professional at talking to myself constantly literally all the time

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ 4. use gratitude in ur favour!

one thing i like to do is essentially guilt trip myself into doing it. erm. you can also call this gratitude it sounds a lot better. think of how grateful you are to even have the opportunity to go outside safely to go for a walk, to be able to work out and keep urself healthy, because there's always someone who's not going to be able to do those things. it is a privilege to live your life and this should be classed as one too.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 5. all about the outlook

another thing i love that falls into the category of motivation is treating it as an act of love and luxury rather than a chore and changing ur outlook on it. for example,

"oh, i have to do this or i'm a failure" or "i really don't want to do it today"

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ into...

"i deserve to do this for myself because i deserve to be taken care of and kept in good health."

and i find this makes me so much more open to it because you do deserve it.

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 6. romanticism; obviously!

okayyyy i know you hear this EVERYWHERE but ‼️its‼️because‼️its true‼️ romanticism is my LIFE not a day goes by where i dont act like im a silly girl in a pink girly shoujo world, and i do this even more so when i dont wanna get up and do simple tasks like this.

some things that give me motivation via romanticism is getting dressed up and cute even if i'm just going for a walk and listening to music and appreciating the world (🗒🎀 note: i love taking pictures or going on different routes whenever i go for walks! it makes the experience so much sweeter and more enjoyable ♡), or putting on cute clothes, loud music and grabbing a pretty waterbottle and hyping myself up to do even just 10 mins of pilates because something is always better than nothing!!!!!!!!!!!

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 7. something is better than nothing

with the last note from my previous point in mind, try and always do just a little bit, even if it's not the amount you intended. say you wanted to workout for 20 minutes every day, but you really weren't feeling it today? do 10 instead. this way ur still doing something. we always have tomorrow. take it at ur own pace. you wanted to go running every day? just go for a walk. you can always try again. there is no limit on how many attempts you have with these things. this is always better than just doing nothing at all. this is basically finding the middle ground when you do these things. which leads me onto my final point ,,♡

✨️𓂃 ࣪˖ 8. finding the middle ground

the no.1 thing in all of this is please don't beat urself up for it if you don't feel like it sometimes, but still keep to it as best as possible. say for example you really didn't want to one day but you had no real reason not to, you should still do it. but if your emotional or physical health or anything like that is in a bad place right now, then allow urself to skip for a day or two. dont beat urself up over it, but keep to it when and where you can because i know its difficult sometimes ♡

all my love, and u got this!!!!!!!!!! 🩷🫶🏻💬💗🎀

[decklynnmoo]

hello! hope you're doing well :) i don't know if you're still active on this account, but maybe you'll see this? idk.

this might sound. mildly to moderately insane, but there's this one, like, 15 second youtube video of someone waving a glittery wand over a pastel goth bjd that i LOVED when i saw it – it was super calming and i loved the look of the video, and it was genuinely one of my favorite videos on the site. having stumbled across a few pictures of your bjds today, i'm like 99% sure it was a video of your bjd Acyd!

since it looks like that video was deleted (whether or not it was actually yours) i'm gonna give up on the search for it, but i just wanted to pop in and say thank you – your artwork (and esp. that one video lmao) had a huge impact on my life, and even if you've moved on from bjds, you were a huge inspiration to me in both art and fashion!

no pressure to respond if you see this – since i coincidentally found this account, i just wanted to say smth real quick lol. this feels vaguely parasocial so i'm gonna end this here 🫡 peace

i wanted to reply to this, Im not sure when this was sent to my inbox or if you are still around to see this message; Hello and thank you for your kind words.

you dont know how much this message has made my night. I am moved on from bjd art for just my only art presence and its funny ive been getting messages about the dolls a lot lately so they have been on my mind.

I'm thankful that the happiness, creativity, and sense of exploring fashions and sharing my knowledge at the time mixed into my own imagination could do anything positive for you. It's honestly very dear to my heart the way people gravitated to those creations because that was my escape and way of coping with my real-life issues and struggles or self-expression at the time. I value that cherished time and the people drawn to those creations. I will never forget the positivity that they have given you and the other people who bring them up to me even today. They live on through those memories so thank you.

BTW @acydslitterbox Might have that gif on there but am unsure of exactly what video youre talking about only because its been so long and I remember doing so many things with him specifically. Which I still have him but hes not together currently. I was also going through a lot of traumatic things at the time and breaking from the grooming process that was happening. My mind has tried to shut off some of the memories that caused me stress to remember this video.

In 2025- im working on a BJD art makeup cosplay series that idea was planned by me just a day ago now to show some of the dolls again and work on them but that will be sometime early next year so you may see them all again and the people who ask about them may see them or get the chance to. My cosplay makeup account is Little deck moo on ig fb Decklynn Castle or Lildeckmoo on fb im also on twitter and tiktok. Btw the dolls also are still on tiktok under decklynnmoodolls

[figula]

ben's still struggling w post-wedding misery and it just kind of sucks :') i was out picking up prescription yest + stopped off at the park for a little mooch when ana messaged me like "ben's in bed you should probably come home" lol so i was like ...well, shit, and just went home to lever him out of bed + force him downstairs

this worked well enough

i have never seen him so sad tho in like our entire rship which like.. sucks... esp bc the reason for it is bc we literally got married which. i KNOW it's not actually about the wedding, it's about the emotional whiplash from going from 100 mph planning to a big void, kind of like a bereavement, but it does feel a bit like well shit im sorry we got married!! like i know he's happy we got married!! but i feel guilty and upset over it bc i didnt know hed react this way to the end of the festivities and idk like there's nothing i can do except wait for it to be over i guess...

ive never been in this position in our rship before for an extended period of time (meaning for more than like a day at a time or w/e) and its not actually every day he's super sad but i feel like really stressed and on tenterhooks now just waiting for the next time and i feel like it's just my fault bc the marriage was my idea anyway loool like he wasnt even bothered about the idea at all until i was like "you know what would be fun? LETS GET MARRIED!" like usually i am the sad one and i will say that being the more emotionally stable one this time has given me a massive amount of respect for how patient and calm ben has been with me for like 11y bc it's only been a few weeks of on and off sadness + i feel Extremely Stressed And Worried.

i think he'll be ok again soon, like similar happened after a few social engagements earlier this yr if you all recall, and obviously teh wedding is a massive thing so the fallout is obviously going to be correspondingly worse. but i just dont like it at all lol. and i wager he likes it even less

[schizosupport]

Hi!! I dont know where else to go but im suspecting i may be on the schizo spectrum? Or at least just wondering way too hard. And i have no where to look into more trustworthy specifics besides brief nformation about the common disorders (that i dont really think i fit into at all btw but then again im undiagnosed with everything so im forced to rawdog it and come to conclusions on my own) and no where to find information about specific symptoms that can be overlooked as "normal behavior"

I have psychosis and its been like this since 2018, slowly growing, getting more intense i guess especially during a traumatic event that happened a few years ago *really* increased my delusions. Thats the only primary thing i experience i believe, but now looking back i am unsure if i experience some level of hallucinations as well like thinking im seeing flies n such fly around me trying to bother me or bugs crawling near me in the corner of my eye. Though it may be because im sleepy or something as i like to stay up a lot! And maybe because ive dealt with annoying flies one too many times that im just paranoid abt dealing w them now.

this thought has been on my mind for a while (mainly speaking in terms of hallucinations) but recently i saw a post on twitter about someone asking if other people "have intense fear of monsters or the dark" before going into deph about how her brain is constantly afraid of her life will turn into a horror movie. Like "what if a zombie breaks into my house" and her brain imagining scary scenarios that genuinely terrify her when she does anything. And reading that sounds very familar to something ive experienced even to this day, esp if im alone at night or alone n looking into another room thats dimly lit.

I really do understand her fear of closing her eyes n seeing scary scenarios. Ive noticed ive weirdly been seeing stuff too, mainly faces and eyes that i would see when watching analog horror and it *really* terrifies me and makes me think that ive somehow spawned it in real life (esp if i think about it too much)

Sorry if this is too long. I normally do this when im rly stumped abt whatever brain thing i got n no google search can help me. I guess im just lookimg for some insight. Thanks! <3

"Also forgot to clarify that the person is recently discovering/coming to terms with that shes schizospec too so thats why upon reading that im pretty much going "....huh!" Bec this implies this may not be normal (i mean of course not but. Never really bothered to say or think anything about it until now)"

Hi there anon! I'm glad you're reaching out, and I hope I can help you a little on your way!

What you're describing, intense fear of hypothetical scenarios and "closed eye hallucinations" are both things that I can definitely relate to as constants in my life. I don't have enough information from just this ask to say whether your experiences are full blown delusional/psychotic, but regardless, it sounds like it's taking a toll on you, and have been getting worse. It's common for this type of experience to worsen with stress, so it's no wonder it worsened when you were going through something traumatic.

When I first talked to a psychiatrist about some of my beliefs, they wrote something that I later found kind of interesting, that some of my beliefs were like those of a scared child. As if I had never quite learned how to regulate that type of fear and my imagination would get the better of me. I don't know if your experience is anything like that, but from the way you described it, I thought that might be relatable to you.

The line between fear, anxiety and psychosis can be hard to define. One thing I've learned is that most people with "pure anxiety" are not having anxiety about bizarre or paranoid things, but about more mundane matters that have been blown out of proportion. But obviously there's variability. But I remember when I met my partner of now... 9 years ...? I wasn't diagnosed with anything yet, and we were both like "yeah I have anxiety" and thought we knew what the other meant by that. And then they were confused when I was like "yeah I'm anxious that the spirit of the lamp will steal my soul, and that people are putting poisoned coins in public spaces". But like the anxiety was similar, it's just that the things I was anxious about were odd, I guess.

Anyways, I'm rambling, sorry!

About the images you get when you close your eyes, that is most often described as a type of intrusive thought, and I've also heard people call them "closed eye hallucinations". I get icky and scary images like this sometimes, and it can be really distressing.

I hope your symptoms don't get worse, and I hope you can feel at ease knowing that no matter the exact cause or name, you are definitely not alone with having these experiences, and they are common experiences for people on the schizospec and people with some other related difficulties.

And if you find that you relate to the schizospec experience, there's space enough for everyone, and you are welcome here. Even if you don't fit any specific disorders or you conclude that your symptoms are "sub-clinical" or more related to something else, I believe in an open door policy and I think anyone with this type of experience can benefit from spending time in/with the community, and can bring unique insights to the table themselves.

I don't know if I'm making any sense, I'm super tired today, but yeah that's my two cents I guess ^^

Edit: It might give you some insight to look into other symptoms associated with the schizo-spec, like negative symptoms, cognitive symptoms and ipseity disturbances :) I think that will give you a stronger idea of whether you are likely to relate to most of us 🌼

[meatriarchived]

not to be a complete sap at six thirty in the fuckin morning but like.

Its been a trip and a half this past what month and a half maybe since i came back to this account? After leaving it over nearly two years ago and expecting not to, especially after everything that happened last year

(can skip over stricken part ♡) ------(finishing degree, brothers dog passing from cancer, moms cancer diagnosis, helping dad be her caretaker and watching her wither over the two months of treatment, family being insufferable and unreliable and still demanding shit from her during that time, the stress of preparing for my graduation and losing her right after, my youngest cat passing)

and the last thing on my mind being trying to write. In spite of mom telling me to get back into it, it was just one of those things where i couldnt really find the push to do so. Grief for my sister twenty years ago gave me the drive to write because she used to write poetry, and grief for mom and my cat-baby had seemingly killed it this time last year.

I really wasnt expecting to come back to tumby to write when i came back here, and i expected that itd be a week before i disappeared into the ether again, but ive genuinely had so much fun this last month and a half writing and chatting over disc - which was also VERY MUCH unexpected because i really never was comfortable with using it or joining servers but im seriously so happy i finally did - with those who have gone on silly lil tangents with me over these silly lil guys on my roster. Who've made all these different lil dynamics with me, for all the boards and the affiliates and all of that.

Ive really had such a good time the last few weeks, its given me a much needed push in terms of getting out of bed yknow? Not letting grief have me in such a chokehold.

And its very much appreciated, truly, to just come on here and be silly and feel welcomed. It's something very much new in spite of being all over the rpc for years. You guys are seriously such a breath of fresh air and im very happy and very lucky i feel being able to write and talk about a game and characters i quite literally have never even played dhudsb

All that to say, ive just been feeling alot more lighter since coming back and alot of its to do with how sweet and lovely and welcoming yall have been.

Before i let myself get any Worse on the sappiness, just leaving a Thank You for yalls patience with me esp this past week tryna get my damn brain back from being lost in luggage sbdjvud vacay brainrot is still lingering but hopefully goes away soon.

Its just been very nice since returning. Yall have been more than lovely vibing with and letting me ramble about muses with near nothing to them that ive yoinked from gun to my others from near non-existant r.pcs like my remakes and trials peeps. And with my little bird.

Im a ridiculously reserved and quiet person and my anxietys got a chokehold still that makes me hesitant in reaching out / talking as often as i wish but i do feel like ive started poking out of that since joining the server. (I also often sort of. Blank out. Time passes me by very strangely and it sometimes comes with me not realizing hrs or at times literal days have passed without me registering it has. So, especially thankyou on being patient with me c;)

Thank you for the last month and a half ♡ its fuckin wild to me that its both been a month already and that its only been a month. Feels like its been simultaneously much longer and much shorter somehow.

[tumbleweeddesktop]

WEH IM SO HAPPY YOU LIKE THE REDESIGN IGNDJFBSJBFJDJF fun fact it started when i made him in a picrew way back and i got the idea to just go ham with his design XDD i dont know why it just happened

AND SINCE YOU DONT MIND MY PROJECTING I CAN SHARE SOME OTHER HEADCANONS I HAVE ABOIT HIM !! >:D

He's autistic as hell and possibly has adhd too, like you cant tell me this bastard is neurotypical

Hypermobility <3<3<3 he constantly puts himself in the weirdest positions and claims its comfortable. The downside is joint pain 💔

He actually doesn't take care of himself very well. Its better now that he's with Nanami but he used to be an absolute mess mentally and physically

Talks A LOT to whoever will listen, but he tends to stutter when hes excited or stressed. ALSO VOCAL STIMS. Hes pretty much never quiet even when not talking, constantly making random noises and humming to himself esp when hes bored

LOVES doing little crafts, those beaded bracelets he wears? He makes those himself, and actually had tons of them, but they often fall off or break in battle (these things never hold on that long i know from experience) so he constantly makes new ones. Also he def makes them for his friends too. Nanami has one he always wears but its usually hidden in his sleeve so Gojo doesnt mock him about it

ALSO LIKE YOU SAID WITH SEWING!! Ive actually been meaning to get into it myself and thats literally perfect for him... he def has an evergrowing army of little plushies he made himself <3

And adding to what you said about him making bread for Nanami, he overall likes baking and cooking. I saw other ppl saying Nanami is good at cooking too, so i feel like while he stays with more savory things, Haruta def specializes in sweets.

Sensory issues galore! Hes very sensitive to certain sounds and despises loud noises, so he often carries around headphones to shut himself off if needed

Okay this one is super self-indulgent but. Despite his luck and overconfidence he is Very prone to stress, which leads into stress eating, which leads into him being a bit on the chubby side..

LASTLY BC DAMNIT THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG. He is huge on PDA. Constantly holding Nanami's hand and hugging him and stealing kisses here and there. Nanami found this annoying at first, but now he just accepts it -w- oh and overall Haru is super clingy in private too like its impossible for Nanami to pull him off sometimes hes like a tick <//3

Okay thats it im going now bye sorry theres so much TwT

YES YES YES TO ALL OF THIS LMAOOOO

Wait can I respond with how Nanami interacts with your hc with Haruta??? Cs I have some ideas, well some doesn't relate to Nanami but SHSUSUSHSHHS

During a bad sensor day Nanami leaves him alone cs sometimes the presence of other people nerved him and can make it worse (im projecting but shuhshhhhhhhh)

Haruta definitely does some yoga after noticing his joint pains getting worse, and he's really into it because it slows his mind down and once he got good at the more complex positions he starts doing it randomly to relax himself

Their condo has like boxes of craft supply, like beads, fabrics and patches, embroidery supplies, and the end products as well just displayed on every surface possible. Some students that visit ended up wanting some of them and Haruta just gives them away.

His sewing venture is disastrous at first, but after a few lessons he got the basics down and starts making progress. The first good (in his standards) thing he made is a tie [Im actually projecting abt sewing cs im do sew but SHUSHSHSHSH]

Nanami "I'm-only-tolerating-your-touches" Kento when Haruta goes away on a prolonged mission :

MINE'S ALSO LONG LMAO BUT YEAH SOME OF MY THOUGHTS ABT ALL THIS LSJSHDJSJFHHSJAJ

[gmos]

i am so like. metaphysically exhausted i feel like im going thru so much rn i just need to vent with timestamps

like i have zero money so my card declined on my medical bill today and i have to make a bunch of phone calls to places that are only open on weekdays. and i have to prepare for a market but my heart is just not in it. plus ive been waiting to hear back about some other freelance stuff but it hasnt happened yet. so i just keep working on little bits and praying that it will work out. esp bc i have a tattoo appointment i made for my birthday to keep from totally spiraling but i obviously dont have the money for it right now.

and i have to go talk to bf's parents on monday and convince them that im telling the truth about anything w regards to moving. when they dont respect me and think im just some fairy trying to steal their daughter. and the thing is i am but its obviously for the best. and my parents are excited that im moving back but they cant really help me until july and mostly once we're already over there. and bc of how little money we have were gonna have to get rid of most of our stuff and either fly or drive a car across the country.

and all of this while i am getting sicker and sicker and ive just been getting sicker for years and usually it gets better in the summer but this year it isnt so im really worried about that. all i want is to sit outside in a pretty dress with a fun beverage and draw and write but the reality of my situation keeps creeping in. and its crazy bc the thing is pretty much everything aside from the medical bill is already sorted out and being dealt with and i just have to wait it out. i just cant get over how stressed out i feel and thats whats holding me back from fixing things, leading to them getting worse. they increased my ocd medication but the pharmacy hasnt called me yet even after two days when usually they have it same day.

what is going on. im exhausted. i havent slept properly in like two years. i survive off chocolate chips and microwavables and vitamin supplements. i spend most days alone in my apartment sitting by the window on the computer. this is not living. this is not living. i am supposed to be outside talking to strangers. i am supposed to be making the mistakes of a young adult. i turn 20 in 10 days. i have not been able to stay sober longer than 3 days in a row. i have near-constant short term memory loss. my vision is fading. i cant stand. once a week i go to the park and run until my ribs hurt, which is only about 3 minutes. i wear dresses over my hairy legs and combat boots. i get boba tea and coffee and ice cream when i have 10 dollars in my bank account. why isn't it worth it to live a beautiful life? why is responsibility the beginning and end of my life? when do i get to fuck up without being incessantly punished for the rest of my life?

when i was 17 i came to the startling realization that when something bad happens to me, that is the punishment. before that, and even still, i believed that i had to endure the bad thing and then be punished for the fact that the bad thing even happened. then one day i spilled olive oil all over the kitchen counter and my father helped me clean it up and asked if i was ok. to this day it sticks out as a dream, as if something so kind could ever happen to me. and yet i feel like if i had not been treated with so much hostility, i never would have been radicalized the way i am today. i cant prove either way, but i know that the hostility i am constantly faced with is unwarranted. yet it continues, so what am i doing wrong? the answer is obviously everything.

writing this has calmed me down. i am one of the few who benefits from journaling, even performative journaling, which is what this website is based on. one day when i die just a little bit before my time, my now-bf future-husband will compile my unpublished writing and art and notebooks and tumblr posts into a chronicle of my life, and then i will finally be beautiful.

[transrightsjimin]

ive been sneezing and dripping snot and tears all fucking day and can barely even take a nap bc my nose is so clogged(?)

im so frustrated i keep getting or staying sick and it really is largely bc of covid bc even w years of lack of sleep it was not this bad until last year since two times i got infected. just fck this im so upset i just want to do good for the world but i cant fucking do anything for longer than 1 minute in a row. and i knew i'd become chronically ill one day bc of genes but at this rate it's heading to a much earlier point than anticipated. and i cant upset myself too much w stuff bc nowadays it immediately triggers intestine cramps nd intestine illnesses are the most common and severe in my family and stress makes it worse but i also dont want to pretend i dont care ab the world yk!(£??!!'v

i just cant fkn do sht i cant concentrate i still have heart palpitations at just about anything i keep dripping streams of snot like a water tab i cant see well bc my eyes keep tearing up i cant go outside ESP NOT IN COLD OR RAIN much w/o getting more sick i cant deal w temperature changes and i have to get tested for pcos at a hospital before the deadline they gave me but i would need to not be a walking faucet of snot for that first bc this would just overflow my mask and be disgusting in public.fckfj

also im on my period which def made it all worse the last few days bc im so rarely on my period (this was like the 1st or 2nd time pms this year) that when i am i lose so much blood it makes me really lethargic and it's always paired w diarrea and it prob damages my immune system more from just having less blood nd stuff in my system

[wheeboo]

hope the next few months treat u better :(( sending u lots of love and i hope u get through itt

dont feel guilty ever omgg u always make sure to bless us with ur fics and trust me, taking care of urself matters moree and im glad u love it omg i really wanted to watch but i feel like id just end up crying, i have seen the spoilers on tiktok tho and omg its okay to not be okay was a whole emotional rollercoaster 😭 esp the last few episodess, AHDHA I WOULD LOVE TO READ A FIC AB ITT (after ure all better tho). u should totally watch doctor slump it's really sweet and both the main characters have sadly been through a lot :(( but it's really funny tooo

ive been alrighttt, just stressed with school work 😭 aside from whats been happening, how have u been ml? did anything fun today? hope today treats u well <33 ( i found this edit on pinterest and it reminded me of u ˖ ࣪ ♡ꜝ˚ ༘ (pinterest.com)

thank u sm love :(( sending u all my love n hugs as well 🫂💖

dslkjgfsd i appreciate it :(( ig its just lack of activity sometimes gives me unnecessary anxiety but i gotta work on that HAHA. gIRl if i cried then you would prob cry to cuz it takes a loT to get me to cry. ITS JUST THAT GOOD like i wanted to hug all the characters rlly badly so i would def rec to start it when u can ofc hehe!! i LOVED its okay to not be okay too !! i'll def check out doctor slump when i can n i'll tell u all abt it <33 do u have any other fav dramas that uve watched ?? :))

pls i lowkey had a brainrot for the fic yesterday and i want to do it with cheol 👀👀 (coUGH.. doctor seungcheol...)

nooo ig everyone rn is at Peak school n being a pain in the ass 😔 u can get thru it tho i'm rooting for u !! today was a good day as well <33 drove to school to attend some classes n did a lil clothing shopping n managed to buy this cute outfit for summer!! i feel a lil bit better too, it was rlly nice going outside n getting fresh air!! have u done anything fun lately ?? <3

AAA OMG THE BOO EDIT HES SO PRECIOUS N PRETTY 🥺🫶 i need to protect him with my life istg sdjfkdsfj

here is ur daily jeonghan edit ml <3

[salaciousslut]

"nothing too special" nuh-uh! Very special, amazing even<3 you dont gotta pretend you arent a big deal around me, sweetheart. I already know you are<3

You can take your time with lowering your walls with me thats ok! Esp since uhhm i got an aries moon🫣 i'm a super passionate person, so i worry im over doing it sometimes bc its so easy for me to over do it. So if i ever come off too strong, dont be afraid to let me know. I wanna make sure im respecting your boundaries<33

I know youre fun to be around when yall go out, like its not fair i cant invite you out to places and hang out, like i love love love going out for the sake of doing something with the people you care about!

The artist is kid cudi 🫣 ive been real into his music for idk like 13?? years now if im thinking about it bc i got into his music around 2011 like everyone else who heard Day n Nite on the radio. It would be fun to have you there though!

School's a lot of work so i dont blame you for being stressed, i just wish i could help take away some of that stress. And good! Pretty things like you should be taken care of, so its a shame you gotta take care of yourself.

Wait thats so funny 🤭 also same i feel like if i ever wake up and take a shot i should pack it up and quit drinking. Like ive seen that be what fucked over some of the people in my life so im strict about how much i drink when i drink. I'll probably (hopefully) stay a light weight for a while with how i drink too. And i hope you have fun when you do!! Take a shot in my honor tomorrow night?🤭 and you get it!! Like the thing i want to do/consume can be literally right there 1ft away from me and i'll just be like "wow that would be fun to do" and then just sit there in front of it for the rest of the night like??? Just do the thing! 🙄 its soooo unfair 😔

stopppp you flatter me!!

of course!! communication is the biggest thing for me because i know people cant read minds so i try my best to communicate how i feel with others!! ill always tell you how i feel and you have to promise that you will too okay?? especially bc sometimes i gently bully the people i care about so i never want to cross any boundaries

oooh ive listened to a few of his songs too hehe!! i hope you have fun and drink in his honor!! i had no clue he was 40 tho thats crazy

youre doing a p good job at taking the stress away! i come on and i see you in my inbox and im a lil less stressed hehe!! but also i very used to taking care of myself so itll be an adjustment to have someone care for me

yes of course ill take a few shots in your honor hehehe!!! maybe a few margs, we will see where im going tomorrow!!

[girlipedee]

i know your cat is getting older, i hope shes okay or has gone comfortable and loved, im not upset towards you at all anymore, ill see you in person most likely in at some point.

to the people at my past job i dont wish any harm on you but i still will dislike you for sexually harassing me and my girlfriend for being gay, aswell as the manager who sexually assaulted someone im close with from work, its too recent for me to forgive, i have forgiven one or two people who did similar things in this post but they were also younger and it had been longer ago, i do not forgive them for any of that but it didnt effect anyone i care for so i cant be upset for someone else, thats irrational and makes me feel upset, in general anyone who does any kind of sexual abuse i can never look at the same or forgive those actions but i hope those people have changed and are treating others better, lastly the people i remember who SAd me as a kid i cant even remember the first too as i was so young, the ones i rember i dont forgive for that stuff ever, im not sure what happened to one of them, but the most recent one from when i was 12 or 13 did pass from either suicide or a drug overdose im not sure but was found in a ditch outsideish of town, i never told anyone because i didnt want anyone to think worse of you esp with the other problems you had, i went to your funeral and it was a very upsetting and confusing experience, your grandmother who i was also around alot passed about a year or two after you, its been four years and in a few months ill be the age when you had passed, i still am not sure how to process or think about that but i also feel deeply sad for how your life went knowing you my whole life and seeing it end, despite what i had experienced i feel sad about it all and cant process it, despite seeing you differently forever afterwords and blocking out alot of that for a few years, actually most of the SA had been blocked out for ages but id sometimes remember, most of it ive accepted and and mostly over but still conflicted and confused but working past it decades later at this point. lastly most recent a close friend from highschool had gone to me for help alot but ultimately i cant talk to you anymore during school you had started a bad path which only got worse when covid hit and is even worse now, i will not respond to you or talk to you, i wanted to help the first few times you had messaged saying you were leaving but after it happening many times the past its not something i can acknowledge and no im not going to tell you to do it, or intervene in anyway, ive not gotten anything from you in a bit from burners other than the past few ones where you just had sent photos to me of cut up women and videos of animals being killed on video, i hope you can get help and do better, i cant be there for you and currently will never talk again in my best interest, i dont owe anyone anything or any stress on myself.

i hope things are looking up for everyone best wishes to you all, i hope everything is going good if not keep looking up and pushing through it will get better for you and remeber people care about you, even if theres no one you leave an impact on the world and those around positive and negative, try and be a positive impact, be the reason someones day gets better even if you are down, being nice to others always makes me feel better - linda

note to past acquaintances/friends

(writing this knowing no one included would ever know)

since about highschool or so ive had alot of people in my life, friends, classmates, ect that ive had some sort of problem with at one point or so, either from them to me or from me to them, ive burned alot of bridges with people when i had been most vulnerable. so i am forgiving past bullies and all that aswell as apologizing to them and others. ive moved on alot in my life and am doing amazing now with minor hiccups, ive grown enough where i feel i should address lingering tensions with people ive known (either people i still may see/end up talking to or people ive not seen in years and will never see again) i would like to say that anyone i really remember being negative to me or anything ive forgiven at this point and i really cant blame anyone? at the time i didnt understand being bullied but i hope those people are doing great in life now, few mentions, in my alternative highschool there was a kid that would stab me with pens,ect and throw text books at me or dump stuff on me for being trans and sticking up for a gay friend he was being homophobic to, i realized he must of had other problems which he needed help with and probably didnt receive, i did try to be nice alot back then but he still would be mean probably since its hard to reciprocate that and probably felt he couldnt be vulnerable or it was a bad thing, hope you are doing good dude also ill never get over that you could tell i was trans before i admitted it finally, best luck!!. there was a few others i cant really remember as much from that year i hope yall are good too. moving on to when i went back to public school before covid there was a few people i remember aswell but during covid at the start when i came out my friend group kinda freaked a bit and started avoiding me and saying weird stuff including a childhood friend, ive got no idea what they have been up to as ive not seen them even online since then, the others i see around sometimes one i see alot irl but ive walked past him and he has no idea its me at this point but he also didnt really say anything and was more of a bystander, but i wish you all good luck too, the last one i know you were going to school aswell as doing music stuff (also played drums on a handful of my songs) i hope thats good and i see you still have the car you loved driving around. past that friend group were a handful of people i met through my girlfriends circles, there were a handful of people that were just fake and transphobic but ive not seen any of them in ages too or even online but i forgive yall aswell an i know one of you actually came out as trans too after we had been hanging out a few times, i hope you are doing good dude, last friend group that fell out ive not seen since, there was someone who we had fallen out with mostly by me and i had smashed one of their guitars they gave me/ let me borrow, ive not seen you in a bit but i hope you are alright ive heard its been tough according to people that had known you and you didnt deserve any of that, if i ever have money or make it big lol ill buy you a new tele either like what you had or something if we ever talk again, also the post that got you kicked from school as a threat, we never reported you i knew it was just one of those edgy jokes and i tired to tell others we knew at the time but i know others reported it, youve said some weird stuff to be edgy and done some very questionable things but atleast i hope you are doing good anyways i cant be mad anymore its been like two years and i shouldnt hold a grudge personally but i can still have opinions about other things youve done to others, it just doesnt feel right to "hate" you over that anymore. a girl we were friends with after had made not the best comments and got upset when we had tried to say it made us uncomfortable as friends since it was negative and included us indirectly, im not mad at you and when that happened we weren't mad or anything and were just trying to help thinking you would understand and not take it personally at all,

[800-dick-pics]

Praying for a Better New Year!!!

Im a Black disabled 2S and my girlfriend a reconnecting Indigenous trans woman have been struggling almost continuously throughout the pandemic. We have gone thru lots of physical, emotional and systematic state violence and We both are at our breaking points.

And before i get deeper into this im genuinely asking yall DO NOT TRIGGER TAG this post as it will basically get minimal traction, because this is a donation post!

Many things have increased my/our financial load and stress in the past 6 months, my (still abusive) mother had a series of mini strokes/1 heart attack which led to me taking care of her, more bills and all the house work. Due to her still being abusive Ive chosen to start helping her from a far, because my mental stability has been worn thin and constantly on the back burner.

My partner @grumblybutch this year has gone through a lot of family abuse, transmisogyny, housing and food insecurity, which has really broken their spirit. With all thats going on in our lives as well as personal, cultural and spirtual reasons my girlfriend really wants to get dual citizenship and be able to live/work on their land again.

We have been cfunding already to make this happen but recently we have a had 3 major set backs to getting my partner dual citizenship.

1. We have found mold INSIDE the walls which we cant fix until the pnw rain stops, we need to buy 2 HEPA air filters for the rooms until we can fix the whole walls, because my mother and I have breathing issues, approx $300-$350

2. My ex boss literally stole $455 from under me right before the holiday break, hasn't paid me for a very long time, so until I get that money we have had to dip into the flight/citizenship fund, but even then we havent been able to get much in the mean of groceries or necessities

3. A few days ago my partner attempted suicide due to all the stressors life has put them through this year, and while this isnt an initial monetary set back, we are going to prioritize our mental health as much as possible, esp my girlfriends after this. We are looking for treatment options for them atm but since theyre out of state we have to pay out of pocket for the treatment they need.

Our original goal to get the funds for tickets/citizenship was January 7th but Its clear that with 7 days left, and 3 major set backs we will not be meeting our goals by then

We are going to use what funds we have left to get some necessities and basics for the house. And hope to re raise the money for tickets and for the HEPA filters and mental healthcare my girlfriend really needs.

our new goal is $1,800, due to the various setbacks, but when I get paid Ill be saving some to go toward our goal as well.

I truly just want to be able to breath, eat and keep us safe before I leave with my lover back to her land, This is all very important to us, thank you for reading.

CA: $sleepyhen or $grumblybear

VN: wildwotko or XochiRose

DM @grumblybutch for PP

[thoi2020]

u have advanced??????? wow. tips to qualify mains please??? help me with my modules.how do i solve them?????????

hnnng idk bestie here's some short tips n like if u want something more specific u can send another ask or dm me?

pay attention in class. sit in the front. listen out for what things the teacher puts an emphasis on. ask questions. yes, even the stupid ones. especially the stupid ones bc those are fundamentals u cannot miss bc a shaky foundation leads to a shaky building. also pay attention to ur teachers. theyve been doing this since before u even knew about jee they know what theyre doing. most of them want whats best for u, and if not specifically that, whats best for them n their institute which are usually similar things. im not saying blindly trust them without criticism but have some faith. dont dismiss them they prolly know better than u. if id followed my teachers instructions i prolly wouldnt have had to drop (but thats a discussion for another day lol).

revise notes on a regular basis. like. the day u studied it in class. then the next day. then a week later. then 2 weeks later. then a month later. google the curve of forgetting for more accurate time stamps. use flashcards for formulae n stuff that u have to memorise like inorganic chem.

analyse past papers. recognise the most important topics. but also there are some small chapters that are quite easy and some people skip them thinking there wont be any questions from them. ive given 4 papers of mains, and i can confirm that is utter bullshit. 1 question each from units and measurements, mathematical reasoning, stats, chemistry in everyday life, polymers, are guaranteed. u can easily secure at least those marks by spending just a little bit of time on them. esp for jee mains its relatively better to cover a wide range of topics with medium depth instead of just some but with deep understanding (the latter works well for advanced tho).

make a friend or two whos in the same boat as u, preparing for jee n try to keep each other accountable. tell each other everyday what ure going to study that day n then check back the next day. remind each other hlep each other out. also be friendly with the class toppers sometimes they can solve ur doubts better than teachers just bc something they explain clicks better. whenever i get confused about logarithms i think back to what my 9th grade classmate told me when i asked him to explain in 1 sentence n had him repeat it slowly to me multiple times. its burned in my memory and helped me so much. 

practice tests. set the proper 3 hour limit and solve them. be honest w urself ure doing this for u. no point scoring 256/300 to impress ur teacher if u cheated bc on the day of the exam ure going to be screwed. in the beginning try out different strategies, different ones work for different ppl. like for me, math is my favourite and i find it easier than the other 2 so i do it first and it gives me confidence. then i move on to physics and then chem. some people look over the entire paper n solve the easiest from every section first, then the medium ones, then the tough ones. experiment in ur practice tests n figure out whats best for u n ur test taking. after the test, analyse. see what u got wrong, why u got it wrong. clarify doubts. mark problem questions to revise and solve again later. no point in solving more n more questions if theres no retention or learning.

for solving books specifically under the cut bc this is getting too long lol:

stick to 1 or 2 books max per subject. make them ur holy books and swear by them. if ure doing coaching then the modules provided by them are a very good option bc theyre specifically for jee and will cover what u need. coaching teachers will have a lot of experience with them too so u'll have an easy time with doubts clarification. if u choose other books tho, still consult with ur teacher and ask them to tell u what's relevant and what isnt and dont waste ur time on whats not. it might make u look or feel smarter to be solving questions on stuff thats beyond the scope of the exam but u literally dont need it and the syllabus is already very vast so ure just going to waste time and brainspace. like sure if ure interested study it in ur own time but dont make it an Important Must Do thing.

ok now that u have ur book with everything relevant to jee, make sure u devour them. study the theory alongside ur class notes. solve a few questions of corresponding topics the day they are covered so u dont have so many questions lined up at the end of the chapter. like if i studied friction in newton's laws of motion today, i'll solve the questions relevant to friction today itself. or u know this week. like,, keep it current. then while solving, speak out loud and explain the problem to urself like ure teaching someone else (or better yet, find someone to teach them to. stuffed toys, younger siblings, ur classmate, grandparents, online friend, whichever works). mark all the questions that took u longer than 5 mins or u cant solve at all. dog ear the pages. try them again the next day. then again a few days later. take the ones u still cant solve to ur teacher. try n ask for just a hint once and try again. and then if u cant then ask for the solution. DO NOT go on the internet. ur brain doesnt have to work for it then n u think u got it but u dont got it. make ur brain work for the solution so it'll remember. 

now that uve given a good shot to every question and figured out where u stumble. analyse a bit. find a pattern if theres any: like a certain concept that is weak or something ure not understanding. read the theory for it if u have to n ask questions to clarify. then solve these problem questions again and again until u know every question well enough to be able to explain to someone. skip over the easy ones u dont gotta do them again n again, focus on the ones u stumbled on. theyre the weak spots. no use strengthening whats already strong enough.

and uh keep a notebook of the solutions of the questions u solve so that u dont have to go crazy searching for them in an emergency. like ur paper is tomorrow and u cant figure out this question that uve been trying for 1 hour then its a good time to review ur previous solution and refresh ur memory. often if uve practiced enough n its just exam stress etc thats making ur mind go blank then just a hint will be enough to remind u.

also this is more general but just. be consistent. small consistent efforts over multiple days instead of a big one in 1 day. u’ll retain better and ur brain does better with multiple small chunks spread out over an interval than a lot of stuff in a small one. and its ok to to have an off day dont kill urself over academics ur health is more important always. not getting into ur dream college might fuck u up but itll heal but ur health is more precarious and not getting enough sleep or food will def fuck u up and the consequences are a lot harder to deal with. dont think about the big picture or u’ll freak urself out just think about the next small step u can take. getting 99 percentile feels impossible but solving 10 questions for it does not. dont get disheartened by test results if ure working hard n smart u wont fail. even if u dont get into ur dream college u’ll have an excellent work ethic that’ll take u places u never thought of in ur wildest dreams. more than anything, be kind to urself and work n play hard.

[wychive]

𝙪𝙣𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨

summary // you found your pile of ‘letters’ to hyunjin that contain thoughts that have never been said and decided to write to him one last time.

pairing(s) // hyunjin x gn!reader, hyunjin x oc, slight minho x reader

genre(s) // angst, letter fic 

warning(s) // mentions of food, themes of being forgotten, vulgar wording, humiliation, overthinking

word count // 2.0k

author's note // happy birthday @noya-sannnn​ !! im sorry this was so late hhh you know how i am irl,, but i hope you enjoy this! i love you so much, jane <3 i apologize for the many grammar mistakes gn. i recommend listening to iu’s ending scene while reading this! btw y/n/n means your nickname.

[10/01/14, 3:55am]

dear jinnie,

hi there! it's y/n <3 i hope you're doing okay - i mean of course you are pfft anyways, just writing this short letter (more like paragraph)  sort of as a venting mechanism? for things i cant tell you about lol  im not so sure how you would call it, since you're so much better at words than i am. basically were like:

hyunjin: ow a brain freeze!

me: haha brain go brrrr

anyways haha yea <3 it's 4am so like,, ill see you at school!

signed,

your loser,

y/n/n

[15/02/14, 12:34am]

yo heartthrob!

im back with this kinda stuff haha it's been a whole? week? since ive written one of these so like yes..hi! i just wanted to say thanks, for today. you really know how to cheer me up huh? you really outdid yourself by setting up that little picnic for us. congrats on making the strawberry cake so perfectly <3 this day will always stay as a core memory in the back of my brain. you're too caring sometimes,,, istg you'll pay for this [maybe hugs?] >:) 

signed,

your partner in crime,

y/n/n

[30/02/15, 01:29am]

jinnie-senpai~~

LMAO you hate me calling you that, doesn't change a thing though. hehe,, nways i hope you enjoyed your birthday present :) i got you that really cool skateboard that you wanted. i worked my ass off for that in my mother's garden so like,, you gotta thank me for that a thousand times :D nah jk, its a sincere gift, from me to you. i rarely do this for ANYONE so consider yourself lucky to have a best friend like me -3- also, seungmin is like….kinda the cutest person ever. introduce me to him pls, thank!

signed,

<your bestest friend3,

y/n

(p.s. you're kinda cute too,,,, ig,,, still stinkee tho)

[13/04/15, 9:04pm]

hey 'baby' (HAHAHA ihy for this)

i hope your day was okay! i didn't see much of you today (which was sort of a bummer but wtv) so like…. uh yea. you told me you were doing okay over text, which kinda surprised me because like?? we always video call lol this is kinda the first time,, but its okay, i trust you! (i really hope youre doing alright tho, i'll beat anyone up if they make you sad >:( ) you also called me 'sweetheart' today which was like…. omg wtf haha????????? that was so weird to me for some reason… a good kind of weird :D we haven't done those kinds of nicknames in a while so…. happy to know that they're back in session <3 i talked to the new girl today, she's really cool! like she knows the bean song on tiktok so like its a total win heh, ill introduce you to her tomorrow! you'll love her a lot

signed,

your 'lover',

y/n/n

[08/06/16, 10:23pm]

hey howl (hehe go back to that movie night we had)

this spring break sucks so much,, esp because youre not here (you still couldve brought me along :'[ ) but wtv i hope youre enjoying yourself. ive been hanging out with yeonnie lately and i found out she likes conan grey too like pls i love her sm. can we adopt her?? please???? she told me you guys have been video calling too and that makes me so happy!! you two are getting along so well aaa my precious babies </3 

what if you developed a crush on her? haha…..jk unless?? (no jk dont shes all mine, stay away >:) ) anyways, i hope the three of us hang out soon. maybe go to that ice cream parlour where they serve the best cookies and cream?  

signed,

your daisy,

y/n/n

[19/07/15, 01:23am]

peepee poopoo hello

heyheyhey!! (heh, haikyuu thingz) i hope youre doing okay! i mean sure you are, with everything going so well. also i feel like you're not telling me something. maybe it's just me? is it? i hope it is because you tell me everything,, we've been talking less these days but its okay! i know how busy you are, especially with your dad always bugging you,,

also, i think yeonbin likes you :0,, she keeps talking about you whenever we hang out. don't get me wrong, its not bad that she likes you but...something doesn't feel right. i feel like i'm being the third wheeler here and like ugh idk. haha laughs yea i think its just me.. im sorry, i didnt mean to do you like this,, anyways, ill see you soon + her too ofc- yall are inseparable lmao

signed,

your moonlight,

y/n/n

[23/07/15, 01:56am]

greetings, kind sir

lol more like mean sir but like aight KSKSK,, anyways,, how have you been? we haven't really talked in a while,, our convos are always so short with it being one-sided :/ i wish you were online more. yeonnie is ignoring me,, do you know why? i think you do,,, but when i asked you just said you didnt know. did i do something wrong? pls tell me.. 

she blocked my contact the other day and she won't even smile at me when i pass her in the hallways. its,, sad and stressful especially because she was the only one that would genuinely talk to me. i hate to say this,, but i miss you. us, hanging out like the best trio we are, yknow? but i dont think you miss me the same way. sorry, im getting out of hand. i know im just overreacting. im just gonna sleep ig,, good night! sweet dreams,,

signed,

your pink lemonade,

y/n/n

[25/07/15, 03:25am]

hi there

i heard you and her got together?? congrats, jinnie! im so proud of you,, especially because you never had even considered getting a girlfriend a few months earlier lmaO you really woo the ladies huh? anyways,, i hope you've been well since we last talked,, how many days has it been?? i would say nearly a week or so but honestly it feels like a hundred years,, considering you and i used to talk every day. but you have her now to keep you company.

keep this a secret but can you possibly tell me why it hurts when i see her? or when i mention her or even think of her?? is it because she's connected to you? but.. you're my best friend, so why? is it because i miss you? is it because im alone now? is it because you left me with a simple 'i have to go now,, bye y/n/n.'? im not sure either. im being silly, i apologize. ill figure it out sooner or later. sweet dreams, jinnie

signed,

your asswipe,

y/n

[25/07/15, 04:30am]

jinnie

it's because i love you. 

signed,

your butterfly,

y/n

[??/08/??, 05:??am]

you

i miss your lame jokes. i miss your smile. i miss your laughs. i miss your funny faces. i miss the way your eyes twinkle. i miss th way you would make me happy just by doing the bare minimum. i miss the disaster you made when cooking breakfast. i miss the night when you snuck me out just to go to that pretty lantern event. i miss when you would call out my name everytime we met. i miss when we would share earbuds in train rides. dont you get it, hyunjin? i miss you.

[??/??/15, ??:??am]

asshole.

please tell me that isn't true, please. you're too kind to do these kinds of things, right? + i was your best friend,, then, why, why did you hurt me like this. i didnt do anything wrong.. you couldve just told me you didnt like me,,, why did she have to tell me? out of all people. 

youre so pathetic for this,, i thought you were brave, bold - but youre just a fucking coward. i loved you, i really did. and i realised too late… im sorry. she,, i shouldn't have talked to her in the first place, right? i bet you knew she humiliated me, in front of everyone. of course you did, you were the only one that knew. you told her. fuck, i hate you so much (yet why do i long for you on a night like this?). you know how much that'll affect me and yet, there you are, laughing about it with her.

signed,

fuck off,

you know who i am.

[31/08/15, 03:41am]

ah, jinnie

please tell me this is just a nightmare. please, please. stop just reading my texts, please answer them. jinnie. i miss you so much. i dont care bout her, please just let me be in your arms. i dont care if you love me back, please just talk to me at least. tell me what i did wrong,, jinnie,, please,,, clear these tear stains on my cheek with kisses.

signed,

your fuck-up,

y/n

[15/09/15, 04:59am]

jinnie

why do i keep crying because of you? its been a few weeks since everything has happened. please, nothing has changed. i still love you the same even with all the hatred i have pent up in this stupid brain of mine. i wish i could just walk back in time, to where it all began.

when i first met you in third grade and you pushed me while playing soccer or maybe when we took those ridiculous prom pictures, remember those? i hope you still have them,, because i do too. i hope the pictures of us on your wall still hang there,, it'll remind you of the happy times. hm,, maybe you don't need them. 

you already have millions of pictures with you and her,, i bet you printed some and replaced those with ours right? sly dog. 

signed,

friend,

y/n/n

[04/02/16, 12:57am]

hey

i went to the park today and saw both of you being happy. it's nice to see your smile again. im sorry i didnt go up to you,, i just thought it would be awkward. when i heard that adorable laugh of yours, it made me realise that i lost something special. but it's okay isnt it? as your happiness matters more than mine. 

signed,

y/n

[06/01/20, 08:00pm]

dear hyunjin,

im doing fine here. how about you? gosh,, how long has it been? years? since we last talked to each other. i havent heard from you since. i would just like to say i still think of you sometimes, when watering the plants or dancing while making pancakes. sometimes i think you're here with me too, just being the pals we were. 

sometimes i'd see you out, just reading a book in the park or buying pasta sauce at the grocery store. it's nice to see you having a stable life. im not sure if you're still with her or not, but its good to know that you still have that large friend group. also! you're never gonna guess who im dating--

it's minho! do you remember him? the one that i used to hate,, uh yeah. he asked me out the other day- you may wonder how tf,,, i too do not know how tf but he gives the best hugs ever. he gave me the love i wanted from you. he stitched my heart back together after it broke,, i love him so much, jinnie..

it's snowing,, do you remember when we would skate on the frozen lake in front of your house? are your parents well? i wonder if your mother still has those earrings i bought for her birthday. i never told you this but your laugh and hers sound so similar. 

i would just like to say thank you, for everything. you were a big part of my life, up until now. when we see each other after this, we would just be strangers. maybe flash a little smile or give a little wave whenever we greet each other but nothing more. some memories of us would flow in every now and then but it'll just be a short teaser. well, i'll be going now. smile for me, okay?

signed,

the one that loved you the most,

y/n.

taglist // @/noya-sannnn, @crvgio​ , @neo-shitty​

reply to be in my gen taglist!

[borom1r]

SAW asks!! I am. thinking abt william a lot lately so I would like to hear some things that he does for himself post-trap, either bc it makes him happy or bc it makes his life easier + he enjoys it <33 maybe like smth his partner(s) notice he does and how positively it affects him!! and then like... maybe just some other soft moments btwn william/eric, william/lawrence, or william/adam (or like. polycule)!!

mmmmhh William... i love him. SO much sdfkkj i got pics to post in a minute. N E WAYZ. (edit: pics have been posted. bestie m so sorry this has been in my drafts for THIS long)

ive been thinking alot lately abt disciple!William maybe ill write abt Him more soon— but just general survivor William.

i Know ive talked abt it before but William very much needs to feel Productive. he's the kind of person who finds it hard to rest if there are Things To Do; not to the extent that its stressful, but he'll def be bothered if he hasn't ticked off all the boxes on his checklist for the day. thankfully, most "chores" he actually enjoys! (he's definitely mentioned retiring early to Pamela + gotten affectionately teased about turning into a househusband), but I think in general this is very good for him post-trap. He’s good at not letting himself wallow and not only enjoys the act of cleaning but enjoys getting to relax in a tidy apartment afterwards.

I’ve also mentioned offhand a few times, mostly in th context of Others in th polycule, but William is genuinely just good at crafts shdhdh. I think he picks up knitting just bc he wants something new to do one day and it becomes a pretty big passion for him? mostly bc he loves being able to make things for his partners, and it’s a calming, repetitive action that can easily take his mind off things. He loves to just cozy up on the couch with some music on + knit for a while when he needs to destress— Adam has a small collection of hand-knit beanies now n he loves every single one (Lawrence has a scarf + Mal n Eric both got pairs of fingerless gloves). they’ve all learned he Adores when they bring him yarn n ask him to make stuff— esp from Eric n Adam bc he knows they both have sensory issues, so he’s a little hesitant to pick yarn for them himself. he knows they’d love whatever he makes either way, but he wants them to actually be able to Wear th gifts too shdhdh

+ as far as soft moments go.. mmm..

I think William has poor circulation n I think Eric in general runs hot— which usually means Eric will sit with William n rub his hands while they watch TV/listen to music/talk. It Also means, however, that occasionally th others will find Will sound asleep on Eric’s chest, bundled up in blankets n whenever one of the others spots them, Eric just kinda shrugs like “guess I’m a good space heater” which he. very much is shfhdh <3

I will also say I love th idea of Eric going with William when he finally feels good enough abt the idea to get coverup tattoos on his wrists.. someday I will expand on my hc birthdays for th polycule n what flowers William would choose to represent each of them in his coverups…….. someday shdhdh

ik we discussed it briefly a while ago but I do adore th idea of Lawrence, William, n Art having an unofficial book club— I think they gently tease each other abt how they treat their books. Lawrence keeps his as pristine as possible; Art will dog-ear pages and leave the occasional tab but won’t actually write in it; William on the other hand won’t bend his pages (he uses those little clip bookmarks to save important pages) but 100% will scribble notes in the margins and highlight/underline bits of text. it’s always affectionate when they do give each other crap abt the state of their books, but Art n William are both genuinely mystified that Lawrence remembers so much of the text without any visual marking

n lastly for soft moments w Adam,, taking baths together is th name of th game I think— esp bc that’s probably th biggest area where William like, indulges shdhhd. fancy bath salts n shit that smells Rlly good n like expensive shampoo/conditioner. Will can share a bath w/ Adam n start washing his hair n Adam will be putty in his hands within a matter of moments. warmth n good smells n scalp massages are a quick recipe for a very melty photographer. suffice to say Adam has definitely nearly fallen asleep A Lot if they share a bath after a long day 💙