#esp when ive been having a stressful few days

[apomaro-mellow]

This isn’t a question but I just wanted you to know you are one of my favourite steddie writers. Absolutely fantastic and I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve reread your works. So thank you for existing :)

Oh my gosh?? Oh my god thank you so much for saying so >///<

It really makes me happy to know people just don't enjoy my works but are also rereading it :D

[800-dick-pics]

Praying for a Better New Year!!!

Im a Black disabled 2S and my girlfriend a reconnecting Indigenous trans woman have been struggling almost continuously throughout the pandemic. We have gone thru lots of physical, emotional and systematic state violence and We both are at our breaking points.

And before i get deeper into this im genuinely asking yall DO NOT TRIGGER TAG this post as it will basically get minimal traction, because this is a donation post!

Many things have increased my/our financial load and stress in the past 6 months, my (still abusive) mother had a series of mini strokes/1 heart attack which led to me taking care of her, more bills and all the house work. Due to her still being abusive Ive chosen to start helping her from a far, because my mental stability has been worn thin and constantly on the back burner.

My partner @grumblybutch this year has gone through a lot of family abuse, transmisogyny, housing and food insecurity, which has really broken their spirit. With all thats going on in our lives as well as personal, cultural and spirtual reasons my girlfriend really wants to get dual citizenship and be able to live/work on their land again.

We have been cfunding already to make this happen but recently we have a had 3 major set backs to getting my partner dual citizenship.

1. We have found mold INSIDE the walls which we cant fix until the pnw rain stops, we need to buy 2 HEPA air filters for the rooms until we can fix the whole walls, because my mother and I have breathing issues, approx $300-$350

2. My ex boss literally stole $455 from under me right before the holiday break, hasn't paid me for a very long time, so until I get that money we have had to dip into the flight/citizenship fund, but even then we havent been able to get much in the mean of groceries or necessities

3. A few days ago my partner attempted suicide due to all the stressors life has put them through this year, and while this isnt an initial monetary set back, we are going to prioritize our mental health as much as possible, esp my girlfriends after this. We are looking for treatment options for them atm but since theyre out of state we have to pay out of pocket for the treatment they need.

Our original goal to get the funds for tickets/citizenship was January 7th but Its clear that with 7 days left, and 3 major set backs we will not be meeting our goals by then

We are going to use what funds we have left to get some necessities and basics for the house. And hope to re raise the money for tickets and for the HEPA filters and mental healthcare my girlfriend really needs.

our new goal is $1,800, due to the various setbacks, but when I get paid Ill be saving some to go toward our goal as well.

I truly just want to be able to breath, eat and keep us safe before I leave with my lover back to her land, This is all very important to us, thank you for reading.

CA: $sleepyhen or $grumblybear

VN: wildwotko or XochiRose

DM @grumblybutch for PP

[atthebell]

do you have any recommendations/resources to learn spanish?? i've been using busuu for about 104 days now, imo opinion it's actually pretty fun and i like it but i think my main problem with it is that it goes too fast?? it's hard to explain. it's also started to feel kinda repetitive to me. i still love busuu and i'm going to continue with my course, but it'd be nice to also have something else. like, preferably not an app, maybe a textbook or a website or something :D i don't really WHERE to find resources for language learning, despite being bilingual, i never really had to look on the internet to learn the languages i speak now, i picked it up from the people around me you know?

i've also been ''using'' duolingo but tbh, i really hate it. it feels boring to me, everyday it's ''ok what sentence am i going to be forced to write for the 40th time today?'' the single 'square' has 5 lessons and a 'unit' has around 10-8 of those squares and to finish a 'unit' you have to do about 50-45 of those lessons, which is shit because a 'unit' is only going to teach about 3 sentence structures and if you're lucky maybe 5. it's so shit, those greedy fuckers basically made it unusable. i've been using for about 140 days now, every single day i take at least one lesson, and it STILL has not taught me a SINGLE spanish tense. btw, i even had an entire phase where i would finish UNITS in about an hour and a half (1 min or less for every lesson) and still not a single ''pretérito Indefinido'' actual pain 🫠🫠 one day ll delete that app, one day (i guess that's why i like busuu in the first place, it actually teaches you these tenses and even some slang while duolingo makes you write ''papá, quiero visitar a nuestra abuela'' for the 700th time this week)

i want to watch vods and stuff, but tbh, i feel way too embarrassed? like, i don't know enough spanish to really understand them and even when they say basic sentences that i understand, i still have to listen to it multiple times and slow down the clip for me to really get it. the thing with spanish is that i'll understand the meaning of the words being said but i need to take a second or so to really comprehend what they mean together you know? i don't want to have to watch the stream slowed down because that would definitely make me feel stupid 😭 maybe when i have better spanish i'll start watching vods. although i do listen to spanish songs sometimes, it's fun :D

first thing: you don't have to feel embarrassed about needing time to process things/needing to listen to things slowed down. language learning is difficult and there are a lot of obstacles for many people; this is something i do understand and want to stress that i get that it's hard. you are not a bad person or an idiot or whatever for having a hard time understanding things-- you are still learning, and besides that, sometimes hearing things isn't someone's strong suit (it absolutely did not use to be mine, but i've practiced a lot and gotten much better at it. i'm still much much better at reading text in other languages, but it is something you can always improve on). if you need to take extra time to watch things, that is not a personal fault of yours nor does it make you stupid. everyone has different skill sets, and you can always practice to get better.

second thing: my own criticisms of both busuu and duolingo, along with their strengths. duolingo first, because i've used it since like. idk like 2016? not consistently but i've used it far more over the years and i'm very familiar with various changes they've made and the esp, ptbr, and french courses. busuu ive only been using for a few months

to get it out of the way, the recent change to laying off translators and using more AI in lessons. this sucks, obviously, for a myriad of reasons. machine translation cannot match with human translation, and frankly never will be able to. there are vast amounts of nuance and cultural context necessary for translation, along with the fact that an AI led course does not actually hit on all the things someone needs, particularly on a basics/foundational level. and from an ethical standpoint, laying off a ton of human translators because you think you can replace them with inaccurate machine translation sucks and is why so many people have dropped duolingo, myself included.

duolingo also has limitations in terms of format-- it gamifies language learning, which can make it feel more accessible to people and makes people want to open it and practice every day. however, most people use duolingo to do one lesson once a day and that's it. they're not getting in practice from lessons previously completed, they're not drilling vocab or conjugations, they're not actually maintaining or even remembering what they've already learned. obviously there are people (like myself, when i still used the app) who practice far more than that and continue to drill previous lessons, but that's not the majority, and it's not incentivized by the app. the paywalling of completing certain lessons and being able to drill error words also sucks for this reason. basically duolingo is not an ideal setup for actually maintaining knowledge once you go through it the first time and also the way the courses are laid out just. does not, imo, actually make sense. they rarely actually explain what they're trying to teach you and they don't get into enough detail on most concepts. and there is no incentive to review, which is hugely important. not an ideal situation for language learning, especially on its own.

my pros for duolingo: it gets you to practice daily. this is honestly what i use busuu for at this point-- when i get a notif for it, i open it up and flick through a lesson, but i also pull out a textbook or two to look at things there and practice stuff. if whipping out duolingo every day helps you practice a language, that is, at bare minimum, something. preferably you should be studying for at least 15min if not up to an hour or more of a language a day in order to really pick things up and maintain them; you can absolutely use duolingo or busuu for that (busuu i think is far less well formatted and oftentimes the lessons are very specific vocab, at least in the later courses).

for busuu, my issues are like. it's a poorly made imitation of duolingo, aside from a few things. the community aspect is something i REALLY like-- being able to send an exercise to a native speaker and get feedback on what to work on is great, especially with how it's a short answer question that lets you form your own sentences and try out vocab in context. that's a wonderful feature, and i really think it gets at something duolingo is completely missing.

but yeah like i said in terms of the lessons, busuu has very strange ways of teaching things. firstly, it's usually super specific topics and vocab that aren't paired with anything conceptually that helps you progress. usually in a language course, it's best to pair a concept you're working on with either relevant vocab or something that can be used to talk about similar subjects/in similar ways (for instance, subjunctive with food/restaurant vocab, so that you can build sentences both with the new vocab and using the new verbal form in ways that make sense, i.e. "I'll have whatever she's having, If I were to order the pasta, I would get a salad too," "If I were richer, I would always order filet mignon" (side note subjunctive is very difficult for eng speakers so idk if these examples actually make sense 😭))

also busuu will repeatedly teach me something phrased one way or with a certain word and then mark me wrong and insist i use a completely different word/phrase. i cannot figure out why it keeps doing this it's very frustrating. and it has recently been teaching me some european portuguese which is not what the course is supposed to be so i'm just baffled by what's going on there.

another positive for busuu, at least in contrast to duolingo, is it teaches you the vocab and phrases before quizzing you on them, which duolingo does not do. this is like a positive and also an "eh, idk" because i get why duolingo does that-- it's trying to throw you into using surrounding context to figure out what a word means, and that's a very good way to practice, but i think it doesn't necessarily achieve it well and sometimes will just spring random words on you without enough context for you to know what it's referring to without just clicking on the word anyway.

also neither app are good at teaching you verb conjugation or tenses which is really unfortunate for spanish and portuguese in particular, as they're both languages where verbs are really really key AND where understanding tenses and their names are important, particularly for native eng speakers who never got taught tense names or like. any terminology for languages in english 🙃

also here is a thing i wrote up complaining about duolingo & verbs ages ago: Duolingo does not teach you things explicitly. It expects you to pick them up in a semi-immersive style, which works okay most of the time for most people but for many people makes actually learning and understanding parts of a language very difficult. For instance, it won't teach you the exact difference in usage between ser and estar, in Spanish or Portuguese. This difference is something I spent weeks on in Spanish class in high school and continued to review the rest of my time learning Spanish in an academic setting-- it is a key element of two of the most important words in the language. Duolingo also doesn't explain stem changes or irregular verbs and their typical endings-- it simply expects you to pick these up and memorize them through sentence usage. Basically it's very obvious Duolingo was created by english speakers who were never taught key elements of their own language (this is not a dig on their personal fault; i was also never taught any of this shit about english) and don't know how to go about teaching a language, and the limited format doesn't help.

third thing, finally getting to what you actually asked: there are a lot of resources for learning spanish online! i'm not as familiar with them as i'd like, as i learned spanish in an academic setting, but i'll do my best to list some things out and anyone else can feel free to add on. i've been meaning to make a language learning advice post for literally ages and i guess this is going to become it lmao.

here is a video explaining how to make duolingo work for you along with other resources: A Linguist explains how to make duolingo actually work (tl;dr pair duolingo with conversation partners, textbook work, listening to music, watching movies, etc. etc.)

i've tagged this with my language learning tag, which has a bunch of resources including some specifically for learning spanish.

tumblr user salvador bonaparte has a drive of free textbooks you can check out here, including a ton of spanish resources. i also recommend looking around the internet/specifically linguistics tumblr to find more resources as well as looking at used bookstores/amazon/etc. for spanish textbooks to use, as that will provide a more thorough foundation along with other programs/types of learning.

i've never used babbel or any other online program like it, but spanish tends to be one of the more resource-heavy languages because it's so widely spoken, so typically spanish programs on various apps/sites are REALLY thorough (duolingo's spanish program is by far their best course, with a ton more resources than most other programs. you can go up to the equivalent of at least c2 on there i believe, versus many other languages where they don't even list the CEFR levels)

finally, the not-so-online answer: if you're in college/have a nearby community/junior college, consider taking spanish classes there! this option probably costs the most out of any others, but i genuinely think an academic setting is the a great way to learn a language for many people. if you're not one of them, that is totally fine, but an actual spanish course at a college is likely to be the most thorough way to learn the language. also many CCs/JCs offer spanish classes online, so if you can't drive or for whatever reason can't go to in-person courses, you'll likely still have options.

this is everything i can think of right now but i also want to add once again that learning a language is difficult!!! i know that, and i know that i complain a lot about monolinguals, but i am specifically complaining about people who refuse to engage respectfully with languages that are not their own and dismiss anything they don't understand as being stupid/not worth their time/culturally worthless. i am not complaining about people like you, who are trying really hard to engage with non-english content AND are trying really hard to learn another language.

i also think learning languages is one of the most incredible experiences there are and that expanding the kinds of cultural and social boundaries that you engage with is a really important facet of humanity that i wish more people would participate in. i get riled up because this is something i'm really truly passionate about, not because i think anyone is stupid or whatever for not learning. i want people to just try it and give it a chance, even if it's hard for them, and i'm glad that you are trying, anon. <333

[huellitaa]

hello hello huelittaa 👋✨ do u have any tips for someone struggling with motivation to workout? or even to take a simple walk? thank uu 🤍

bee's physical activity handbook: motive 🎀 . ݁₊ ⊹

hiiii ml!!!!!!!! 🫶🏻🩷💗 sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days BUT IM HERE NOW !!!!! honestly this is something i also struggle with myself ,, i am still recovering from depression personally so this is still difficult for me sometimes too but these are some things i do !!!! ♡

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ 1. prepare urself for the possibility

so since i know i have this problem a lot, it helps me to be prepared for this in advance. i actually have a whole notion page filled with a table of letters to myself in specific situations i find myself in a lot, this included, and have a whole archived stored of cute photos and motivation and things like articles and videos and tumblr posts on the main page and in the letters that make me wanna get up and do shit and its my LIFESAVER. (should i make a post on this?)

but i'd suggest to keep a note or page or document , physical or digital, filled with just motivation for this specific thing, like things you like about it, photos romanticising working out or going outside, songs that motivate you, etc etc etc. the list goes on but you get the point ♡

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 2. detective chapter: analysis! ♡

figure out why you dont want to. this is the main thing that helps me and its so simple but once u figure out the root u figure out the rest and this applies just the same here too. is it laziness? mental health? exhaustion? overworking? burnout? you won't be able to continue until you haven't found the actual problem. it's like trying to travel with no path to travel on.

💭𓂃 ࣪˖ 3. pep talk!

one thing i do that helps me the most is literally just lay in bed or wherever you are where ur procrastinating and thinking about this over and over and going back and forth whether to do it or not is to force the thoughts out (literally. u can envision it if it helps!) and deadass bully myself into doing it 😭😭

(🗒🎀 note: i've also found it helps for some people to do this in the mirror, just so ur face to face w urself as it were. plus u get to admire urself at the same time so its a win all around)

if ur not into harsh motivation, another thing i love, esp when im not feeling great enough to deal w harsh motivation is pretend ur giving advice to a friend or ur child in this position. this is one of the greatest pieces of advice ive ever gotten i literally cannot stress this enough. do this‼️ p.s. you can do this in ur head or out loud. i usually do some mix of both because i am a professional at talking to myself constantly literally all the time

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ 4. use gratitude in ur favour!

one thing i like to do is essentially guilt trip myself into doing it. erm. you can also call this gratitude it sounds a lot better. think of how grateful you are to even have the opportunity to go outside safely to go for a walk, to be able to work out and keep urself healthy, because there's always someone who's not going to be able to do those things. it is a privilege to live your life and this should be classed as one too.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 5. all about the outlook

another thing i love that falls into the category of motivation is treating it as an act of love and luxury rather than a chore and changing ur outlook on it. for example,

"oh, i have to do this or i'm a failure" or "i really don't want to do it today"

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ into...

"i deserve to do this for myself because i deserve to be taken care of and kept in good health."

and i find this makes me so much more open to it because you do deserve it.

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 6. romanticism; obviously!

okayyyy i know you hear this EVERYWHERE but ‼️its‼️because‼️its true‼️ romanticism is my LIFE not a day goes by where i dont act like im a silly girl in a pink girly shoujo world, and i do this even more so when i dont wanna get up and do simple tasks like this.

some things that give me motivation via romanticism is getting dressed up and cute even if i'm just going for a walk and listening to music and appreciating the world (🗒🎀 note: i love taking pictures or going on different routes whenever i go for walks! it makes the experience so much sweeter and more enjoyable ♡), or putting on cute clothes, loud music and grabbing a pretty waterbottle and hyping myself up to do even just 10 mins of pilates because something is always better than nothing!!!!!!!!!!!

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 7. something is better than nothing

with the last note from my previous point in mind, try and always do just a little bit, even if it's not the amount you intended. say you wanted to workout for 20 minutes every day, but you really weren't feeling it today? do 10 instead. this way ur still doing something. we always have tomorrow. take it at ur own pace. you wanted to go running every day? just go for a walk. you can always try again. there is no limit on how many attempts you have with these things. this is always better than just doing nothing at all. this is basically finding the middle ground when you do these things. which leads me onto my final point ,,♡

✨️𓂃 ࣪˖ 8. finding the middle ground

the no.1 thing in all of this is please don't beat urself up for it if you don't feel like it sometimes, but still keep to it as best as possible. say for example you really didn't want to one day but you had no real reason not to, you should still do it. but if your emotional or physical health or anything like that is in a bad place right now, then allow urself to skip for a day or two. dont beat urself up over it, but keep to it when and where you can because i know its difficult sometimes ♡

all my love, and u got this!!!!!!!!!! 🩷🫶🏻💬💗🎀

[decklynnmoo]

hello! hope you're doing well :) i don't know if you're still active on this account, but maybe you'll see this? idk.

this might sound. mildly to moderately insane, but there's this one, like, 15 second youtube video of someone waving a glittery wand over a pastel goth bjd that i LOVED when i saw it – it was super calming and i loved the look of the video, and it was genuinely one of my favorite videos on the site. having stumbled across a few pictures of your bjds today, i'm like 99% sure it was a video of your bjd Acyd!

since it looks like that video was deleted (whether or not it was actually yours) i'm gonna give up on the search for it, but i just wanted to pop in and say thank you – your artwork (and esp. that one video lmao) had a huge impact on my life, and even if you've moved on from bjds, you were a huge inspiration to me in both art and fashion!

no pressure to respond if you see this – since i coincidentally found this account, i just wanted to say smth real quick lol. this feels vaguely parasocial so i'm gonna end this here 🫡 peace

i wanted to reply to this, Im not sure when this was sent to my inbox or if you are still around to see this message; Hello and thank you for your kind words.

you dont know how much this message has made my night. I am moved on from bjd art for just my only art presence and its funny ive been getting messages about the dolls a lot lately so they have been on my mind.

I'm thankful that the happiness, creativity, and sense of exploring fashions and sharing my knowledge at the time mixed into my own imagination could do anything positive for you. It's honestly very dear to my heart the way people gravitated to those creations because that was my escape and way of coping with my real-life issues and struggles or self-expression at the time. I value that cherished time and the people drawn to those creations. I will never forget the positivity that they have given you and the other people who bring them up to me even today. They live on through those memories so thank you.

BTW @acydslitterbox Might have that gif on there but am unsure of exactly what video youre talking about only because its been so long and I remember doing so many things with him specifically. Which I still have him but hes not together currently. I was also going through a lot of traumatic things at the time and breaking from the grooming process that was happening. My mind has tried to shut off some of the memories that caused me stress to remember this video.

In 2025- im working on a BJD art makeup cosplay series that idea was planned by me just a day ago now to show some of the dolls again and work on them but that will be sometime early next year so you may see them all again and the people who ask about them may see them or get the chance to. My cosplay makeup account is Little deck moo on ig fb Decklynn Castle or Lildeckmoo on fb im also on twitter and tiktok. Btw the dolls also are still on tiktok under decklynnmoodolls

[figula]

ben's still struggling w post-wedding misery and it just kind of sucks :') i was out picking up prescription yest + stopped off at the park for a little mooch when ana messaged me like "ben's in bed you should probably come home" lol so i was like ...well, shit, and just went home to lever him out of bed + force him downstairs

this worked well enough

i have never seen him so sad tho in like our entire rship which like.. sucks... esp bc the reason for it is bc we literally got married which. i KNOW it's not actually about the wedding, it's about the emotional whiplash from going from 100 mph planning to a big void, kind of like a bereavement, but it does feel a bit like well shit im sorry we got married!! like i know he's happy we got married!! but i feel guilty and upset over it bc i didnt know hed react this way to the end of the festivities and idk like there's nothing i can do except wait for it to be over i guess...

ive never been in this position in our rship before for an extended period of time (meaning for more than like a day at a time or w/e) and its not actually every day he's super sad but i feel like really stressed and on tenterhooks now just waiting for the next time and i feel like it's just my fault bc the marriage was my idea anyway loool like he wasnt even bothered about the idea at all until i was like "you know what would be fun? LETS GET MARRIED!" like usually i am the sad one and i will say that being the more emotionally stable one this time has given me a massive amount of respect for how patient and calm ben has been with me for like 11y bc it's only been a few weeks of on and off sadness + i feel Extremely Stressed And Worried.

i think he'll be ok again soon, like similar happened after a few social engagements earlier this yr if you all recall, and obviously teh wedding is a massive thing so the fallout is obviously going to be correspondingly worse. but i just dont like it at all lol. and i wager he likes it even less

[schizosupport]

Hi!! I dont know where else to go but im suspecting i may be on the schizo spectrum? Or at least just wondering way too hard. And i have no where to look into more trustworthy specifics besides brief nformation about the common disorders (that i dont really think i fit into at all btw but then again im undiagnosed with everything so im forced to rawdog it and come to conclusions on my own) and no where to find information about specific symptoms that can be overlooked as "normal behavior"

I have psychosis and its been like this since 2018, slowly growing, getting more intense i guess especially during a traumatic event that happened a few years ago *really* increased my delusions. Thats the only primary thing i experience i believe, but now looking back i am unsure if i experience some level of hallucinations as well like thinking im seeing flies n such fly around me trying to bother me or bugs crawling near me in the corner of my eye. Though it may be because im sleepy or something as i like to stay up a lot! And maybe because ive dealt with annoying flies one too many times that im just paranoid abt dealing w them now.

this thought has been on my mind for a while (mainly speaking in terms of hallucinations) but recently i saw a post on twitter about someone asking if other people "have intense fear of monsters or the dark" before going into deph about how her brain is constantly afraid of her life will turn into a horror movie. Like "what if a zombie breaks into my house" and her brain imagining scary scenarios that genuinely terrify her when she does anything. And reading that sounds very familar to something ive experienced even to this day, esp if im alone at night or alone n looking into another room thats dimly lit.

I really do understand her fear of closing her eyes n seeing scary scenarios. Ive noticed ive weirdly been seeing stuff too, mainly faces and eyes that i would see when watching analog horror and it *really* terrifies me and makes me think that ive somehow spawned it in real life (esp if i think about it too much)

Sorry if this is too long. I normally do this when im rly stumped abt whatever brain thing i got n no google search can help me. I guess im just lookimg for some insight. Thanks! <3

"Also forgot to clarify that the person is recently discovering/coming to terms with that shes schizospec too so thats why upon reading that im pretty much going "....huh!" Bec this implies this may not be normal (i mean of course not but. Never really bothered to say or think anything about it until now)"

Hi there anon! I'm glad you're reaching out, and I hope I can help you a little on your way!

What you're describing, intense fear of hypothetical scenarios and "closed eye hallucinations" are both things that I can definitely relate to as constants in my life. I don't have enough information from just this ask to say whether your experiences are full blown delusional/psychotic, but regardless, it sounds like it's taking a toll on you, and have been getting worse. It's common for this type of experience to worsen with stress, so it's no wonder it worsened when you were going through something traumatic.

When I first talked to a psychiatrist about some of my beliefs, they wrote something that I later found kind of interesting, that some of my beliefs were like those of a scared child. As if I had never quite learned how to regulate that type of fear and my imagination would get the better of me. I don't know if your experience is anything like that, but from the way you described it, I thought that might be relatable to you.

The line between fear, anxiety and psychosis can be hard to define. One thing I've learned is that most people with "pure anxiety" are not having anxiety about bizarre or paranoid things, but about more mundane matters that have been blown out of proportion. But obviously there's variability. But I remember when I met my partner of now... 9 years ...? I wasn't diagnosed with anything yet, and we were both like "yeah I have anxiety" and thought we knew what the other meant by that. And then they were confused when I was like "yeah I'm anxious that the spirit of the lamp will steal my soul, and that people are putting poisoned coins in public spaces". But like the anxiety was similar, it's just that the things I was anxious about were odd, I guess.

Anyways, I'm rambling, sorry!

About the images you get when you close your eyes, that is most often described as a type of intrusive thought, and I've also heard people call them "closed eye hallucinations". I get icky and scary images like this sometimes, and it can be really distressing.

I hope your symptoms don't get worse, and I hope you can feel at ease knowing that no matter the exact cause or name, you are definitely not alone with having these experiences, and they are common experiences for people on the schizospec and people with some other related difficulties.

And if you find that you relate to the schizospec experience, there's space enough for everyone, and you are welcome here. Even if you don't fit any specific disorders or you conclude that your symptoms are "sub-clinical" or more related to something else, I believe in an open door policy and I think anyone with this type of experience can benefit from spending time in/with the community, and can bring unique insights to the table themselves.

I don't know if I'm making any sense, I'm super tired today, but yeah that's my two cents I guess ^^

Edit: It might give you some insight to look into other symptoms associated with the schizo-spec, like negative symptoms, cognitive symptoms and ipseity disturbances :) I think that will give you a stronger idea of whether you are likely to relate to most of us 🌼

[meatriarchived]

not to be a complete sap at six thirty in the fuckin morning but like.

Its been a trip and a half this past what month and a half maybe since i came back to this account? After leaving it over nearly two years ago and expecting not to, especially after everything that happened last year

(can skip over stricken part ♡) ------(finishing degree, brothers dog passing from cancer, moms cancer diagnosis, helping dad be her caretaker and watching her wither over the two months of treatment, family being insufferable and unreliable and still demanding shit from her during that time, the stress of preparing for my graduation and losing her right after, my youngest cat passing)

and the last thing on my mind being trying to write. In spite of mom telling me to get back into it, it was just one of those things where i couldnt really find the push to do so. Grief for my sister twenty years ago gave me the drive to write because she used to write poetry, and grief for mom and my cat-baby had seemingly killed it this time last year.

I really wasnt expecting to come back to tumby to write when i came back here, and i expected that itd be a week before i disappeared into the ether again, but ive genuinely had so much fun this last month and a half writing and chatting over disc - which was also VERY MUCH unexpected because i really never was comfortable with using it or joining servers but im seriously so happy i finally did - with those who have gone on silly lil tangents with me over these silly lil guys on my roster. Who've made all these different lil dynamics with me, for all the boards and the affiliates and all of that.

Ive really had such a good time the last few weeks, its given me a much needed push in terms of getting out of bed yknow? Not letting grief have me in such a chokehold.

And its very much appreciated, truly, to just come on here and be silly and feel welcomed. It's something very much new in spite of being all over the rpc for years. You guys are seriously such a breath of fresh air and im very happy and very lucky i feel being able to write and talk about a game and characters i quite literally have never even played dhudsb

All that to say, ive just been feeling alot more lighter since coming back and alot of its to do with how sweet and lovely and welcoming yall have been.

Before i let myself get any Worse on the sappiness, just leaving a Thank You for yalls patience with me esp this past week tryna get my damn brain back from being lost in luggage sbdjvud vacay brainrot is still lingering but hopefully goes away soon.

Its just been very nice since returning. Yall have been more than lovely vibing with and letting me ramble about muses with near nothing to them that ive yoinked from gun to my others from near non-existant r.pcs like my remakes and trials peeps. And with my little bird.

Im a ridiculously reserved and quiet person and my anxietys got a chokehold still that makes me hesitant in reaching out / talking as often as i wish but i do feel like ive started poking out of that since joining the server. (I also often sort of. Blank out. Time passes me by very strangely and it sometimes comes with me not realizing hrs or at times literal days have passed without me registering it has. So, especially thankyou on being patient with me c;)

Thank you for the last month and a half ♡ its fuckin wild to me that its both been a month already and that its only been a month. Feels like its been simultaneously much longer and much shorter somehow.

[tumbleweeddesktop]

WEH IM SO HAPPY YOU LIKE THE REDESIGN IGNDJFBSJBFJDJF fun fact it started when i made him in a picrew way back and i got the idea to just go ham with his design XDD i dont know why it just happened

AND SINCE YOU DONT MIND MY PROJECTING I CAN SHARE SOME OTHER HEADCANONS I HAVE ABOIT HIM !! >:D

He's autistic as hell and possibly has adhd too, like you cant tell me this bastard is neurotypical

Hypermobility <3<3<3 he constantly puts himself in the weirdest positions and claims its comfortable. The downside is joint pain 💔

He actually doesn't take care of himself very well. Its better now that he's with Nanami but he used to be an absolute mess mentally and physically

Talks A LOT to whoever will listen, but he tends to stutter when hes excited or stressed. ALSO VOCAL STIMS. Hes pretty much never quiet even when not talking, constantly making random noises and humming to himself esp when hes bored

LOVES doing little crafts, those beaded bracelets he wears? He makes those himself, and actually had tons of them, but they often fall off or break in battle (these things never hold on that long i know from experience) so he constantly makes new ones. Also he def makes them for his friends too. Nanami has one he always wears but its usually hidden in his sleeve so Gojo doesnt mock him about it

ALSO LIKE YOU SAID WITH SEWING!! Ive actually been meaning to get into it myself and thats literally perfect for him... he def has an evergrowing army of little plushies he made himself <3

And adding to what you said about him making bread for Nanami, he overall likes baking and cooking. I saw other ppl saying Nanami is good at cooking too, so i feel like while he stays with more savory things, Haruta def specializes in sweets.

Sensory issues galore! Hes very sensitive to certain sounds and despises loud noises, so he often carries around headphones to shut himself off if needed

Okay this one is super self-indulgent but. Despite his luck and overconfidence he is Very prone to stress, which leads into stress eating, which leads into him being a bit on the chubby side..

LASTLY BC DAMNIT THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG. He is huge on PDA. Constantly holding Nanami's hand and hugging him and stealing kisses here and there. Nanami found this annoying at first, but now he just accepts it -w- oh and overall Haru is super clingy in private too like its impossible for Nanami to pull him off sometimes hes like a tick <//3

Okay thats it im going now bye sorry theres so much TwT

YES YES YES TO ALL OF THIS LMAOOOO

Wait can I respond with how Nanami interacts with your hc with Haruta??? Cs I have some ideas, well some doesn't relate to Nanami but SHSUSUSHSHHS

During a bad sensor day Nanami leaves him alone cs sometimes the presence of other people nerved him and can make it worse (im projecting but shuhshhhhhhhh)

Haruta definitely does some yoga after noticing his joint pains getting worse, and he's really into it because it slows his mind down and once he got good at the more complex positions he starts doing it randomly to relax himself

Their condo has like boxes of craft supply, like beads, fabrics and patches, embroidery supplies, and the end products as well just displayed on every surface possible. Some students that visit ended up wanting some of them and Haruta just gives them away.

His sewing venture is disastrous at first, but after a few lessons he got the basics down and starts making progress. The first good (in his standards) thing he made is a tie [Im actually projecting abt sewing cs im do sew but SHUSHSHSHSH]

Nanami "I'm-only-tolerating-your-touches" Kento when Haruta goes away on a prolonged mission :

MINE'S ALSO LONG LMAO BUT YEAH SOME OF MY THOUGHTS ABT ALL THIS LSJSHDJSJFHHSJAJ

[gmos]

i am so like. metaphysically exhausted i feel like im going thru so much rn i just need to vent with timestamps

like i have zero money so my card declined on my medical bill today and i have to make a bunch of phone calls to places that are only open on weekdays. and i have to prepare for a market but my heart is just not in it. plus ive been waiting to hear back about some other freelance stuff but it hasnt happened yet. so i just keep working on little bits and praying that it will work out. esp bc i have a tattoo appointment i made for my birthday to keep from totally spiraling but i obviously dont have the money for it right now.

and i have to go talk to bf's parents on monday and convince them that im telling the truth about anything w regards to moving. when they dont respect me and think im just some fairy trying to steal their daughter. and the thing is i am but its obviously for the best. and my parents are excited that im moving back but they cant really help me until july and mostly once we're already over there. and bc of how little money we have were gonna have to get rid of most of our stuff and either fly or drive a car across the country.

and all of this while i am getting sicker and sicker and ive just been getting sicker for years and usually it gets better in the summer but this year it isnt so im really worried about that. all i want is to sit outside in a pretty dress with a fun beverage and draw and write but the reality of my situation keeps creeping in. and its crazy bc the thing is pretty much everything aside from the medical bill is already sorted out and being dealt with and i just have to wait it out. i just cant get over how stressed out i feel and thats whats holding me back from fixing things, leading to them getting worse. they increased my ocd medication but the pharmacy hasnt called me yet even after two days when usually they have it same day.

what is going on. im exhausted. i havent slept properly in like two years. i survive off chocolate chips and microwavables and vitamin supplements. i spend most days alone in my apartment sitting by the window on the computer. this is not living. this is not living. i am supposed to be outside talking to strangers. i am supposed to be making the mistakes of a young adult. i turn 20 in 10 days. i have not been able to stay sober longer than 3 days in a row. i have near-constant short term memory loss. my vision is fading. i cant stand. once a week i go to the park and run until my ribs hurt, which is only about 3 minutes. i wear dresses over my hairy legs and combat boots. i get boba tea and coffee and ice cream when i have 10 dollars in my bank account. why isn't it worth it to live a beautiful life? why is responsibility the beginning and end of my life? when do i get to fuck up without being incessantly punished for the rest of my life?

when i was 17 i came to the startling realization that when something bad happens to me, that is the punishment. before that, and even still, i believed that i had to endure the bad thing and then be punished for the fact that the bad thing even happened. then one day i spilled olive oil all over the kitchen counter and my father helped me clean it up and asked if i was ok. to this day it sticks out as a dream, as if something so kind could ever happen to me. and yet i feel like if i had not been treated with so much hostility, i never would have been radicalized the way i am today. i cant prove either way, but i know that the hostility i am constantly faced with is unwarranted. yet it continues, so what am i doing wrong? the answer is obviously everything.

writing this has calmed me down. i am one of the few who benefits from journaling, even performative journaling, which is what this website is based on. one day when i die just a little bit before my time, my now-bf future-husband will compile my unpublished writing and art and notebooks and tumblr posts into a chronicle of my life, and then i will finally be beautiful.

[transrightsjimin]

ive been sneezing and dripping snot and tears all fucking day and can barely even take a nap bc my nose is so clogged(?)

im so frustrated i keep getting or staying sick and it really is largely bc of covid bc even w years of lack of sleep it was not this bad until last year since two times i got infected. just fck this im so upset i just want to do good for the world but i cant fucking do anything for longer than 1 minute in a row. and i knew i'd become chronically ill one day bc of genes but at this rate it's heading to a much earlier point than anticipated. and i cant upset myself too much w stuff bc nowadays it immediately triggers intestine cramps nd intestine illnesses are the most common and severe in my family and stress makes it worse but i also dont want to pretend i dont care ab the world yk!(£??!!'v

i just cant fkn do sht i cant concentrate i still have heart palpitations at just about anything i keep dripping streams of snot like a water tab i cant see well bc my eyes keep tearing up i cant go outside ESP NOT IN COLD OR RAIN much w/o getting more sick i cant deal w temperature changes and i have to get tested for pcos at a hospital before the deadline they gave me but i would need to not be a walking faucet of snot for that first bc this would just overflow my mask and be disgusting in public.fckfj

also im on my period which def made it all worse the last few days bc im so rarely on my period (this was like the 1st or 2nd time pms this year) that when i am i lose so much blood it makes me really lethargic and it's always paired w diarrea and it prob damages my immune system more from just having less blood nd stuff in my system

[wheeboo]

hope the next few months treat u better :(( sending u lots of love and i hope u get through itt

dont feel guilty ever omgg u always make sure to bless us with ur fics and trust me, taking care of urself matters moree and im glad u love it omg i really wanted to watch but i feel like id just end up crying, i have seen the spoilers on tiktok tho and omg its okay to not be okay was a whole emotional rollercoaster 😭 esp the last few episodess, AHDHA I WOULD LOVE TO READ A FIC AB ITT (after ure all better tho). u should totally watch doctor slump it's really sweet and both the main characters have sadly been through a lot :(( but it's really funny tooo

ive been alrighttt, just stressed with school work 😭 aside from whats been happening, how have u been ml? did anything fun today? hope today treats u well <33 ( i found this edit on pinterest and it reminded me of u ˖ ࣪ ♡ꜝ˚ ༘ (pinterest.com)

thank u sm love :(( sending u all my love n hugs as well 🫂💖

dslkjgfsd i appreciate it :(( ig its just lack of activity sometimes gives me unnecessary anxiety but i gotta work on that HAHA. gIRl if i cried then you would prob cry to cuz it takes a loT to get me to cry. ITS JUST THAT GOOD like i wanted to hug all the characters rlly badly so i would def rec to start it when u can ofc hehe!! i LOVED its okay to not be okay too !! i'll def check out doctor slump when i can n i'll tell u all abt it <33 do u have any other fav dramas that uve watched ?? :))

pls i lowkey had a brainrot for the fic yesterday and i want to do it with cheol 👀👀 (coUGH.. doctor seungcheol...)

nooo ig everyone rn is at Peak school n being a pain in the ass 😔 u can get thru it tho i'm rooting for u !! today was a good day as well <33 drove to school to attend some classes n did a lil clothing shopping n managed to buy this cute outfit for summer!! i feel a lil bit better too, it was rlly nice going outside n getting fresh air!! have u done anything fun lately ?? <3

AAA OMG THE BOO EDIT HES SO PRECIOUS N PRETTY 🥺🫶 i need to protect him with my life istg sdjfkdsfj

here is ur daily jeonghan edit ml <3

[salaciousslut]

"nothing too special" nuh-uh! Very special, amazing even<3 you dont gotta pretend you arent a big deal around me, sweetheart. I already know you are<3

You can take your time with lowering your walls with me thats ok! Esp since uhhm i got an aries moon🫣 i'm a super passionate person, so i worry im over doing it sometimes bc its so easy for me to over do it. So if i ever come off too strong, dont be afraid to let me know. I wanna make sure im respecting your boundaries<33

I know youre fun to be around when yall go out, like its not fair i cant invite you out to places and hang out, like i love love love going out for the sake of doing something with the people you care about!

The artist is kid cudi 🫣 ive been real into his music for idk like 13?? years now if im thinking about it bc i got into his music around 2011 like everyone else who heard Day n Nite on the radio. It would be fun to have you there though!

School's a lot of work so i dont blame you for being stressed, i just wish i could help take away some of that stress. And good! Pretty things like you should be taken care of, so its a shame you gotta take care of yourself.

Wait thats so funny 🤭 also same i feel like if i ever wake up and take a shot i should pack it up and quit drinking. Like ive seen that be what fucked over some of the people in my life so im strict about how much i drink when i drink. I'll probably (hopefully) stay a light weight for a while with how i drink too. And i hope you have fun when you do!! Take a shot in my honor tomorrow night?🤭 and you get it!! Like the thing i want to do/consume can be literally right there 1ft away from me and i'll just be like "wow that would be fun to do" and then just sit there in front of it for the rest of the night like??? Just do the thing! 🙄 its soooo unfair 😔

stopppp you flatter me!!

of course!! communication is the biggest thing for me because i know people cant read minds so i try my best to communicate how i feel with others!! ill always tell you how i feel and you have to promise that you will too okay?? especially bc sometimes i gently bully the people i care about so i never want to cross any boundaries

oooh ive listened to a few of his songs too hehe!! i hope you have fun and drink in his honor!! i had no clue he was 40 tho thats crazy

youre doing a p good job at taking the stress away! i come on and i see you in my inbox and im a lil less stressed hehe!! but also i very used to taking care of myself so itll be an adjustment to have someone care for me

yes of course ill take a few shots in your honor hehehe!!! maybe a few margs, we will see where im going tomorrow!!

[bloomingseer]

i always thought graduating would just make me feel lost and hopeless, but

as it turns out i have been more motivated than ever and continuously shoot my shot trying to land some jobs/find more patients/etc. like ive only been officially working as a psychotherapist for a month and i already have 2 steady patients and 3 more interviews coming up. thats a lot to me, esp in a field that is as oversaturated with professionals--and often GREAT professionals, at that!--as psychology is.

i tried getting into my dream masters programme. it didnt work out, and that was okay. i felt down for a few days but we gotta keep moving forward.

i'll try getting into other postgrad programmes that i can complete before applications for this master's open again.

its almost as if people are more driven to put themselves out there and pursue their passions when they don't have the pressure of having to excel at things they don't quite care about (over half the subjects we have in college) while simultaneously being seen by that same institution as meaningless nobodies (because its a recurring theme in academia for people to reinforce how little you matter when you're only an undergrad student). its almost as if surrounding yourself with people and resources that are on the same page as you makes you much more motivated and hopeful than being in a classroom where most people are just there to get a degree for the fuck of it, or have incredibly misguided ideas about your field, or do care but in a way that is too different from your own so it keeps you from establishing a connection.

sure, things are still incredibly difficult. this year has been one of the most emotionally stressful and financially dreary ones that i have faced. i still worry a fuckton about money, especially considering i dont quite have the right to charge much for therapy sessions as a fresh graduate who doesn't even have a postgrad certificate yet. but things are looking up. ⭐️

[rosepetalcigarettes]

i know your cat is getting older, i hope shes okay or has gone comfortable and loved, im not upset towards you at all anymore, ill see you in person most likely in at some point.

to the people at my past job i dont wish any harm on you but i still will dislike you for sexually harassing me and my girlfriend for being gay, aswell as the manager who sexually assaulted someone im close with from work, its too recent for me to forgive, i have forgiven one or two people who did similar things in this post but they were also younger and it had been longer ago, i do not forgive them for any of that but it didnt effect anyone i care for so i cant be upset for someone else, thats irrational and makes me feel upset, in general anyone who does any kind of sexual abuse i can never look at the same or forgive those actions but i hope those people have changed and are treating others better, lastly the people i remember who SAd me as a kid i cant even remember the first too as i was so young, the ones i rember i dont forgive for that stuff ever, im not sure what happened to one of them, but the most recent one from when i was 12 or 13 did pass from either suicide or a drug overdose im not sure but was found in a ditch outsideish of town, i never told anyone because i didnt want anyone to think worse of you esp with the other problems you had, i went to your funeral and it was a very upsetting and confusing experience, your grandmother who i was also around alot passed about a year or two after you, its been four years and in a few months ill be the age when you had passed, i still am not sure how to process or think about that but i also feel deeply sad for how your life went knowing you my whole life and seeing it end, despite what i had experienced i feel sad about it all and cant process it, despite seeing you differently forever afterwords and blocking out alot of that for a few years, actually most of the SA had been blocked out for ages but id sometimes remember, most of it ive accepted and and mostly over but still conflicted and confused but working past it decades later at this point. lastly most recent a close friend from highschool had gone to me for help alot but ultimately i cant talk to you anymore during school you had started a bad path which only got worse when covid hit and is even worse now, i will not respond to you or talk to you, i wanted to help the first few times you had messaged saying you were leaving but after it happening many times the past its not something i can acknowledge and no im not going to tell you to do it, or intervene in anyway, ive not gotten anything from you in a bit from burners other than the past few ones where you just had sent photos to me of cut up women and videos of animals being killed on video, i hope you can get help and do better, i cant be there for you and currently will never talk again in my best interest, i dont owe anyone anything or any stress on myself.

i hope things are looking up for everyone best wishes to you all, i hope everything is going good if not keep looking up and pushing through it will get better for you and remeber people care about you, even if theres no one you leave an impact on the world and those around positive and negative, try and be a positive impact, be the reason someones day gets better even if you are down, being nice to others always makes me feel better - linda

note to past acquaintances/friends

(writing this knowing no one included would ever know)

since about highschool or so ive had alot of people in my life, friends, classmates, ect that ive had some sort of problem with at one point or so, either from them to me or from me to them, ive burned alot of bridges with people when i had been most vulnerable. so i am forgiving past bullies and all that aswell as apologizing to them and others. ive moved on alot in my life and am doing amazing now with minor hiccups, ive grown enough where i feel i should address lingering tensions with people ive known (either people i still may see/end up talking to or people ive not seen in years and will never see again) i would like to say that anyone i really remember being negative to me or anything ive forgiven at this point and i really cant blame anyone? at the time i didnt understand being bullied but i hope those people are doing great in life now, few mentions, in my alternative highschool there was a kid that would stab me with pens,ect and throw text books at me or dump stuff on me for being trans and sticking up for a gay friend he was being homophobic to, i realized he must of had other problems which he needed help with and probably didnt receive, i did try to be nice alot back then but he still would be mean probably since its hard to reciprocate that and probably felt he couldnt be vulnerable or it was a bad thing, hope you are doing good dude also ill never get over that you could tell i was trans before i admitted it finally, best luck!!. there was a few others i cant really remember as much from that year i hope yall are good too. moving on to when i went back to public school before covid there was a few people i remember aswell but during covid at the start when i came out my friend group kinda freaked a bit and started avoiding me and saying weird stuff including a childhood friend, ive got no idea what they have been up to as ive not seen them even online since then, the others i see around sometimes one i see alot irl but ive walked past him and he has no idea its me at this point but he also didnt really say anything and was more of a bystander, but i wish you all good luck too, the last one i know you were going to school aswell as doing music stuff (also played drums on a handful of my songs) i hope thats good and i see you still have the car you loved driving around. past that friend group were a handful of people i met through my girlfriends circles, there were a handful of people that were just fake and transphobic but ive not seen any of them in ages too or even online but i forgive yall aswell an i know one of you actually came out as trans too after we had been hanging out a few times, i hope you are doing good dude, last friend group that fell out ive not seen since, there was someone who we had fallen out with mostly by me and i had smashed one of their guitars they gave me/ let me borrow, ive not seen you in a bit but i hope you are alright ive heard its been tough according to people that had known you and you didnt deserve any of that, if i ever have money or make it big lol ill buy you a new tele either like what you had or something if we ever talk again, also the post that got you kicked from school as a threat, we never reported you i knew it was just one of those edgy jokes and i tired to tell others we knew at the time but i know others reported it, youve said some weird stuff to be edgy and done some very questionable things but atleast i hope you are doing good anyways i cant be mad anymore its been like two years and i shouldnt hold a grudge personally but i can still have opinions about other things youve done to others, it just doesnt feel right to "hate" you over that anymore. a girl we were friends with after had made not the best comments and got upset when we had tried to say it made us uncomfortable as friends since it was negative and included us indirectly, im not mad at you and when that happened we weren't mad or anything and were just trying to help thinking you would understand and not take it personally at all,

[thoi2020]

u have advanced??????? wow. tips to qualify mains please??? help me with my modules.how do i solve them?????????

hnnng idk bestie here's some short tips n like if u want something more specific u can send another ask or dm me?

pay attention in class. sit in the front. listen out for what things the teacher puts an emphasis on. ask questions. yes, even the stupid ones. especially the stupid ones bc those are fundamentals u cannot miss bc a shaky foundation leads to a shaky building. also pay attention to ur teachers. theyve been doing this since before u even knew about jee they know what theyre doing. most of them want whats best for u, and if not specifically that, whats best for them n their institute which are usually similar things. im not saying blindly trust them without criticism but have some faith. dont dismiss them they prolly know better than u. if id followed my teachers instructions i prolly wouldnt have had to drop (but thats a discussion for another day lol).

revise notes on a regular basis. like. the day u studied it in class. then the next day. then a week later. then 2 weeks later. then a month later. google the curve of forgetting for more accurate time stamps. use flashcards for formulae n stuff that u have to memorise like inorganic chem.

analyse past papers. recognise the most important topics. but also there are some small chapters that are quite easy and some people skip them thinking there wont be any questions from them. ive given 4 papers of mains, and i can confirm that is utter bullshit. 1 question each from units and measurements, mathematical reasoning, stats, chemistry in everyday life, polymers, are guaranteed. u can easily secure at least those marks by spending just a little bit of time on them. esp for jee mains its relatively better to cover a wide range of topics with medium depth instead of just some but with deep understanding (the latter works well for advanced tho).

make a friend or two whos in the same boat as u, preparing for jee n try to keep each other accountable. tell each other everyday what ure going to study that day n then check back the next day. remind each other hlep each other out. also be friendly with the class toppers sometimes they can solve ur doubts better than teachers just bc something they explain clicks better. whenever i get confused about logarithms i think back to what my 9th grade classmate told me when i asked him to explain in 1 sentence n had him repeat it slowly to me multiple times. its burned in my memory and helped me so much. 

practice tests. set the proper 3 hour limit and solve them. be honest w urself ure doing this for u. no point scoring 256/300 to impress ur teacher if u cheated bc on the day of the exam ure going to be screwed. in the beginning try out different strategies, different ones work for different ppl. like for me, math is my favourite and i find it easier than the other 2 so i do it first and it gives me confidence. then i move on to physics and then chem. some people look over the entire paper n solve the easiest from every section first, then the medium ones, then the tough ones. experiment in ur practice tests n figure out whats best for u n ur test taking. after the test, analyse. see what u got wrong, why u got it wrong. clarify doubts. mark problem questions to revise and solve again later. no point in solving more n more questions if theres no retention or learning.

for solving books specifically under the cut bc this is getting too long lol:

stick to 1 or 2 books max per subject. make them ur holy books and swear by them. if ure doing coaching then the modules provided by them are a very good option bc theyre specifically for jee and will cover what u need. coaching teachers will have a lot of experience with them too so u'll have an easy time with doubts clarification. if u choose other books tho, still consult with ur teacher and ask them to tell u what's relevant and what isnt and dont waste ur time on whats not. it might make u look or feel smarter to be solving questions on stuff thats beyond the scope of the exam but u literally dont need it and the syllabus is already very vast so ure just going to waste time and brainspace. like sure if ure interested study it in ur own time but dont make it an Important Must Do thing.

ok now that u have ur book with everything relevant to jee, make sure u devour them. study the theory alongside ur class notes. solve a few questions of corresponding topics the day they are covered so u dont have so many questions lined up at the end of the chapter. like if i studied friction in newton's laws of motion today, i'll solve the questions relevant to friction today itself. or u know this week. like,, keep it current. then while solving, speak out loud and explain the problem to urself like ure teaching someone else (or better yet, find someone to teach them to. stuffed toys, younger siblings, ur classmate, grandparents, online friend, whichever works). mark all the questions that took u longer than 5 mins or u cant solve at all. dog ear the pages. try them again the next day. then again a few days later. take the ones u still cant solve to ur teacher. try n ask for just a hint once and try again. and then if u cant then ask for the solution. DO NOT go on the internet. ur brain doesnt have to work for it then n u think u got it but u dont got it. make ur brain work for the solution so it'll remember. 

now that uve given a good shot to every question and figured out where u stumble. analyse a bit. find a pattern if theres any: like a certain concept that is weak or something ure not understanding. read the theory for it if u have to n ask questions to clarify. then solve these problem questions again and again until u know every question well enough to be able to explain to someone. skip over the easy ones u dont gotta do them again n again, focus on the ones u stumbled on. theyre the weak spots. no use strengthening whats already strong enough.

and uh keep a notebook of the solutions of the questions u solve so that u dont have to go crazy searching for them in an emergency. like ur paper is tomorrow and u cant figure out this question that uve been trying for 1 hour then its a good time to review ur previous solution and refresh ur memory. often if uve practiced enough n its just exam stress etc thats making ur mind go blank then just a hint will be enough to remind u.

also this is more general but just. be consistent. small consistent efforts over multiple days instead of a big one in 1 day. u’ll retain better and ur brain does better with multiple small chunks spread out over an interval than a lot of stuff in a small one. and its ok to to have an off day dont kill urself over academics ur health is more important always. not getting into ur dream college might fuck u up but itll heal but ur health is more precarious and not getting enough sleep or food will def fuck u up and the consequences are a lot harder to deal with. dont think about the big picture or u’ll freak urself out just think about the next small step u can take. getting 99 percentile feels impossible but solving 10 questions for it does not. dont get disheartened by test results if ure working hard n smart u wont fail. even if u dont get into ur dream college u’ll have an excellent work ethic that’ll take u places u never thought of in ur wildest dreams. more than anything, be kind to urself and work n play hard.